#i cant make a decision or ill die.

[tobe-sogolden]

third watch of dwd down i fucking love that movie you guys it's literally brilliant

#def one i think people need to watch more than once #theater was still packed but i had to see it again so i braved it ✊🏾 #can't wait until it's on a streaming service i WILL be watching weekly #makes me truly sad to think about everything that's happened in the past few weeks #the movie and everyone who worked on it don't deserve it #and it further solidifies my decision to severely limit my presence and participation in this fandom #ive truly never been among a worse group of people #some people are wonderful #but the bad just outweighs the good for me tbh #i tried!!!!! #i really truly did try but like for what 😆 #all the stress i gave myself trying to call out misinformation for literally nothing bc the internet doesn't care if smth is true or not #they just care if it's drama they can exploit and a person they can collectively shit on #it makes me physically ill the way people have been acting #and that is soooooo unhealthy for me like i just cant handle it #im trying to be a fan without being in the fandom but old habits die hard yk #anyways #i miss talking to people on here but i dont want to get discourse or know about whatever horrible thing is happening these days #im still not in a place where i can just laugh about it like it genuinely upsets me to think about #so i am protecting my peace 🧘🏾‍♀️

[hauntedrain]

Part 1: For our own Sanity | Alex Turner x Fem! Reader |

social media AU Summary: Alex and reader's relationship turns public after a string of events.

✮▹A/N: So my first time doing a social media AU, so hopefully its okay <3

✰▹Warnings/Notices: Face claim is Sabrina Carpenter, mentions of age gap (Reader is about 25), I used Milo Manheim as an Ex of the reader. Potentially very bad cuz this is my first social media AU. Some old photos used, Not edited.

liked by: milomanheim, Y/Nupdates, & 31,052 others

@PeopleMagazine: Y/N L/N continues to amaze as she and fellow singer-songwriter are spotted together in New York, Only 8 months after her breakup with Milo Manheim with whom she spent 2 years together with. More on this couple and Y/N L/N's relationships and reputation.

View all 12,495 comments

user1: isnt she dating people left and right?

↪ user2: Yes, so for Alex's sake I would run. And look at that age gap!

↪ User3: You guys are actually crazy, Alex doesn't need to run, and her past relationships have ended because of her PARTNERS' stupid decisions.

User4: This girl can't catch a break can she? Yall are on her 24/7.

↪ User5: LITERALLY. They shamed her like a week ago for making an album, it's her job!

User6: Anyways, live laugh love Y/N and Alex.

liked by: milomanheim, Arctic Monkeys, TaylorSwift, & 12,4561,052 others

@Y/N L/N: I truly love coming and performing in New York and I can't wait for next time ❥ Thank you guys for being so kind and lovely. Now onto my UK tour!

View all 9,039,384 comments

User7: I fear... it's a serve.

User8: I need confirmation about the Alex photos or else I might die.

↪ user9: She doesn't need to confirm to anything, it's her private life.

↪ User10: You act as though she doesn't flaunt her relationship like crazy, she probably even knew about or called the paps to take those photos.

↪ User11: Exactly, she's always been the one to get a man and show him and their relationship off for a bit, then break up and make an album. It's giving clout chaser and a form of gold-digging.

↪ User 12: Milo has 2.4 million followers on Instagram. she has 32 million. i don't think she is the one clout chasing or being a gold digger.

liked by 2,059,456 others

@Y/Nupdates: Y/N and Alex Turner both have arrived at the Grammy's Award Show! Both arrived separately but sources say that both are hanging around each other for the most part.

View all 19,389 comments

User13: Both are GLOWING.

↪ User14: Exactly what I came here to say.

User15: So they are dating?

↪ User16: Nothing is confirmed and it's none of our business anyway.

↪ User17: let us have our fun. Both are big in the music industry, so we're bound to get excited. Like, imagine all the new music.

User18: I've seen some people say that they left together after the show.

↪ User19: I need to know if this is true RIGHT NOW.

Liked by TaylorSwift, Y/N L/N, & 1,598,543 others

@Arcticmonkeys: 2/14/24

View all 95,451 Comments

User19: IM SORRY WHAT?!

User20: what the fuck is that last slide.

↪ User 21: IF THATS Y/N IMMA SCREAM.

User 22: On valentines day?! THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD.

Y/N L/N: Cant wait.

↪ User 23: WHAT.

↪ User 24: I swear to god you need to tell us all the secrets or else we're going to go crazy.

⭒❃.✮:▹A/N: I hope this is good and that you like it! Ill make part 2 soon. Sorry for being so inactive life is just getting busy. However, I'm really excited about this one and I'm also excited about other fics too. Other than that, thank you so much, and love you guys! PART 2 POSTED

#alex turner #alex turner x reader #alex turner x you #alex turner x y/n #alex turner x oc #the last shadow puppets #arctic monkeys #am #fluff #fanfic #alex turner imagine #alex turner fanfic #alex turner fic #alex turner fluff #smau #social media

[thighguys]

alright guys i took the cue from everyone else on here and did my own dnp tarot reading 😊 @freckliedan i think you were collecting these? might as well add mine for the metrics lol... also i will take this opportunity to advertise the @dnptarot project im putting together, it's super cool!!!

okay so i used my fav tarot app as i dont actually have any physical sets lol but heres what ive got

my first 4 cards were just dan and phil vibe checks, like what are their general feelings. dans were the 9 of swords and the knight of swords.

9 of swords is definitely a negative card, lots of anxiety and fear swirling around something, but the knight appearing with it seems to me to imply just like- pushing through the fear. honestly reminds me of the time just before basically im gay, dan is scared but forging onward. knight of swords also implies a very fast pace, like things are moving really quickly which is DEFINITELY true and also matches with dans "what comes straight after" tweet. too many planets aligning at once etc, lots of shit is going DOWN lmao

phils cards were the king of wands and the 5 of pentacles.

king of wands is VERY leader/making big decisions/creative director, which makes me think that hes got something in the works here that hes going to be a big part of creating/directing (pride month mayhaps??) its also very much an opportunity card, like here is something that he can take and make great coming soon. 5 of pentacles honestly took me a minute to think about because usually its more about financial loss? but im thinking its maybe more about recognizing the necessity of help from others in difficult times. idk phil is getting help and is also a king 💪💪

my next question was about whether dnp were planning something big soon, and i pulled the high priestess and the 8 of wands

high priestess is literally ALL about trusting your intuition, and 8 of wands is once again very fast paced movement and changes approaching. so what im getting is a RESOUNDING yes lmao... phannies trust your intuition, the universe is telling us something and we should trust that itll come and itll come quickly lol

my last question was specifically about whether dnp are getting married lol (sorry cant help it im still on wedding hill) and i pulled the queen of swords and the 6 of cups

GOD this is insane to me... queen of swords to me is clarity and truth. every time ive pulled this card before it has been a reassurance to trust what i know and my ability to see whats in front of me... wedding hill... truth... idk guys... and then 6 of cups is all joy and happy memories (also can mean children? phregnancy announcement?) and what could be more joyful than a marriage? anyway once again these two cards are just a resounding yes so... im not pretending to know anything about their private lives but the cards havent lied yet lmao...

overall im just seeing a lot of fast moving cards and a LOT of positivity, creativity, and joy. the only negative card shown was in dans vibe check and that fits, but along with his other card i feel like the vibe i was getting was less "crippling fear" and more "brave enough to keep going anyway". basically i think we can expect smth big soon, and if it isnt a marriage announcement then ill stay on wedding hill until i die because i believe that the queen of swords knows wtf shes talking about ❤️❤️❤️

hope you guys liked this! if you want i can do more tarot readings in the future? lmk lol, or dm me if you want me to do readings for you... i really like doing them i love feeling connected to the universe

#phan #dan and phil #dnp #phandom #dip and pip #phil lester #dan howell #tarot #tarot reading #dnptarot

[serenequeenofeverything]

Daily pull-a-card reading

Daily pull-a-card, is a daily tarot reading in which ill pull one card for every group.

Disclaimer: sometimes i might pull an extra card or two that i wont mention but will definitely take into consideration.

Lots of grammar mistakes ahead bc fuck english.

For September 8-9th 2023

Group i, ii, iii, iv, v, vi

i

The high priestess

U seem to be very connected and in touch with ur emotions, you are at ur peak intuition-wise but why do i see you doubting urself? Why are u so unsure? Almost ur not giving urself the benefit of the doubt, actually quite the opposite. You are not sure of urself whatsoever, but im here to tell what the universe (god, the angels or whatever u believe in) wants you to know : you are on the right path. U are exactly where u r meant to be. U are as connected to ur higher purpose as one can be. There is nothing to fear. You are on the right path. Your own path. Trust yourself a bit more.

A song recommendation (which i reallllllllly urge to listen to bc u cant imagine how strongly this came through, U MUST LISTEN TO IT) :

ii

Ten of wands (r)

Let go of it. The burden you are carrying is not worth it, i don't exactly know what it is, it might or might not be important but here's the thing love, you are more important. U r really precious, u truly don't deserve to carry this baggage, it is just weighing you down. So free yourself, love. I know u can do it, you too know too. My bird of paradise, fly.

A song recommendation that i really wish u to listen to:

iii

The world

My god, you are the girl. Darling you ARE THE GIRL. honestly i dont even need to advice u, all im gonna say, you are the girl. you are the one, i truly truly love your energy. Baddest bitch in the game lmaoo.

I said im not gonna advice you, but i cant stop me, so here it goes, STOP LOOKING INTO THE PAST. What's past is past. Fuck him, fuck them, they didnt deserve you. Look ahead so much is waiting for you, somewhere is waiting for you. And this time, they will deserve you. U will watch it begin again, only better.

A song recommendation that i NEED you to listen to (make sure u listen to taylor's version only tho 🔪🔪)

iv

9 of swords

Hey love, listen to me very carefully, YOU CANT BALANCE IT ALL. whatever you are trying to balance, is taking a toll on you. It's too much work and it's fucking you up mentally. It's too much and read to this even more carefully YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME. Ur only human. Either give one of it up, or just free yourself from both( i suggest this). Life is much more than this situation that you are in. And there's better days to come. But you take this decision. U need to take this decision.

A song recommendation that im certain you already know but i think would a good awakening for u :

v

Knight of cups

He is very close. Nearly here. And my god, ur night in his shinning armor is one hell of a night ( THE BEST INTENTIONS LITERALLY ) . Idk girl what u have been manifesting, but that shit is CLOSE, very freaking close. My advice? Just keep doing whatever ur doing. U r doing good, and u will do even better.

Song recommendation(huh... interesting, idk i got this song, but it came very strongly, so listen u never know what's in it for u) / interestedly three things came on strong 1. "Combat" 2. " they see right through me, can you see right through me" 3. "Cause all my enemies started off as friends"

vi

Page of wands

Oh my god, this was like the messiest group everrr! Here's the thing lmao u got many cards, but it just kept going back and forth but one thing im certain about is the page of wands energy all over you. So this group are just very young compared to the rest, or just not in control of their life whatsoever.

For some i see patents getting divorced, families arguing, not very good home environment. And then there's u, amidst all this mess, the shinning one. U have many goals, you are a seeker and a dreamer, u want more. Im hearing " an art deco, Shining like gun metal" and u want more. U want more for you, u want the light, the fame and everything else too. A hungry soul.

" i want my cake and i wanna eat it too"

My advice? It dont matter. U will do as u wish, no one can stop u nor change you. U remind me too much of myself, i know ur ache.

Your song recommendation? Art deco. That song describes you perfectly.

Anyways now that's over, y'all better follow me, i mean who will do u better than i?

Alsooo u can always submit what u want me to do a reading on next by simply commenting ur subject of interest ( no private readings bro i aint got no time for that)

Anyways peace out, bye.

#occult #pac reading #tarot #tarotdaily #pick a pile #pick a picture #pick a card reading #pick a photo #free tarot #daily tarot #tarot reading #free tarot reading #song recs #red taylor’s version #lana is god #lana del ray lyrics #lust for life #Spotify

[therushingriver]

After this latest ep, it made me think back to the bts where Emily talked about wanting to retire Fig. I still dont really understand this at all. I really respect these creatives but it just doesnt make sense to me. I love Emily, this is just me rambling about something I truly dont get.

1) Fig says over and over that she cares more about her friends than anything. How would she feel if she takes off and they all die in a battle like the last stand because she wasnt there. Or if even one of them permanently dies. Maybe Sandra Lynn or Gorthalax or Gilear.

And on the less fatal end- what if her friends failed their junior year because she wasnt there. All of Rizs hopes for the future gone. This isnt a normal high school- this school is all about setting up an adventuring party for the rest of your life. Fig knows that her mothers life was completely changed by a decision she made at 17. Sandra Lynn left her adventuring party, got kicked out of another, and never found one again. Brennan said Aguefort Adventurers dont usually end up as rangers (i think he literally said thats usually a mumple type thing). We hear over and over that there is a lasting upset in Sandra Lynn because of those times.

2) i believe she said something about giving Fig her happy ending. She is 17!!! And she just got her first girlfriend. And that's it?! Now shes happy and her stories over? Nothing about the complex relationships she has with all her parents or with her connection to hell. Nothing about the friends she loves. Nothing about her complex relationship with herself and feeling lost and not good enough unless shes pretending to be someone else. Could just be my amatonormative-hating self but I dont see how thats a happy ending for Fig.

3) on a show level, I cant see it working to just have a new character and have Fig be offscreen. FH is more about the party and their freindship dynamic than any other season. In the seasons where pcs have been switched out, it makes sense. Unsleeping city doesnt have that same tight group dynamic because they are all adults with their own lives. Crown of Candies Pc changes were campaign changing purposefully.

Fantasy High is all about this dynamic with the Bad Kids and if one of them just left, I cant see the others not being affected by that. Instead of a fun Junior Year, we'd get tons of moments of them missing Fig. And with a new PC we'd be spending lots of time creating new dynamics vs exploring the rich ones we already have. I dont see the bad kids just adopting a new member, that would feel forced to me. I think theyd really be losing something with not having the full party that weve had from the beginning.

I know that the cast are incredible and Im sure they would've found ways to make all of this work. But personally Ill be very disappointed if we get a Senior Year and it doesnt have all of the original PCs. I think without Fig, it would just feel emptier. Shes really the heart of all of this.

#fhjy #fhjy spoilers #dimension 20 #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year

[goodmorningnona]

just realized that harrow's lobotomy most likely took place in the same trajectory as my brain damage from a painting falling on my head in 2021. decision making (frontal lobe; harrow is NOT calling the shots) to a lil movement for spice (motor cortex; cant control her body hardly for the first several chapters of htn) to speech production (broca's area; ORTUS) to memory processing & emotion (hypothalamus; can't remember jack and if i cant remember i cant be sad!), vision (occipital; visual disturbances & hallucinations). hey so anyway any butches wanna die in my arms. ill fix it i promise

#the locked tomb #lessons of the hand and the mouth

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

My personal “screaming about the lack of Ladynoir in the finale” post TM

Don’t know how to preface this???

this isn’t hate for the finale,

this is more, me reveling in the Angst of what they Chose Not To Put and screaming and wailing about how ladynoir has me in a chokehold

Im coming to terms with the s5 finale and finding bits of hope for my Ladynoir heart, etc. And i have decided that the finale has a ton of very very cool potential.

But i still can’t stop imagining… what if Adrien had gotten the messages from Ladybug??? What if he was About to give up being Chat Noir and give in to hopelessness and nightmares and terror and the cage he was trapped in and THEN (probably via Plagg, they could make it work) he got the frantic terrified messages from ladybug that were like “hi where ARE you?!?!?! Kitty cat come in NOW i NEED YOU!!?!? Hawkmoth knows my identity i think i am going to die i am all alone please please please show up i need you pick up pick UP.”

What if he was like. “Oh.” And his world just. Shifted. He thought his worst fear was ending the world as chat or being trapped even further by transforming in front of his father and being Caught but now Neither of those matter… now the only fear is just… not being Enough for ladybug… the fear of losing her or letting her down or making her feel as alone and abandoned and hopeless as he does right now????

What if he just????? Transformed without a moment of hesitation??? What if he was there taking to her on the phone coaching her through breathing and telling her he promised she would be okay and he promised he would be proud of her no matter what happened???? What if his own nightmares and fears started slipping through on the call and SHE turned around and reassured HIM that she trusts him fully and if he can’t trust himself he can at least trust HER judgement????? What if they both managed to avoid the mind control by being Each Others’ alliance?????

What if Ladybug found out that Chat Noir was in London ,,, because if Her identity’s been revealed to Monarch and she’s In His House than it’s Already going to hell and secrets don’t matter anymore, it just matters that they trust each other??? All they ever WANTED was to be open and trust and now its all they have left??? And theres not identity reveal or speculation bc it doesnt MATTER right now it just matters to SURVIVE or at LEAST be together for the end.

What if she told him not to come to Paris because it’s too dangerous to be in the same spot and he was like “im so sorry but i Cannot do that i cant leave you there Alone” and she was like “i know. and i love you. And id do the same. And that’s also why i cant tell you who monarch is or where the house is because i KNOW you’ll come here and i cant stop you. We cant both be in his grasp i just need you on the phone”

What if she fought in the basement for her life while getting support from him whilst he rallied all the other heroes and the resistance across the surface of paris???? What if we had ladybug and chat noir fighting the same battle on two different fronts, both Very Aware of each others’ situation nonstop,,, working as a Team despite the distance????? What if chat was just nonstop doing everything he could to reassure ladybug that they were doing okay and everyone supported her and he Trusted Her to do anything because the nightmares were STILL debilitating for everyone including them and they couldnt afford for either of them to get akumatized or even DISTRACTED and they just told puns and reminded each other when to use their powers and when to breathe?????

And chat could be captured or whatever and have to call out to ladybug and she could be like “send me your kwami its okay you did so good, i’ll be okay ill see you again”

Bug noire could still happen but it would be a strategic choice BOTH of them made TOGETHER with pain and love mixed together rather than the result of major decisions that they both were forced to make Independantly with no communication only fear and guilt and lonliness???

I dont know how to explain this but this is not salt this is not hate towards the episode this is just,,,, UGH this show has made me SO INVESTED in the dynamics and they had a CHANCE to do stuff and make it so fun and they DIDNT ,,,, they CHOSE to make it darker and grittier this time and i think it’s probably going in a cool direction,,, i think that ladybug and chat noir are gonna have some Fun (for me not for them) things to Discuss after this and some brand new abandonment issues combined with weird bits of Hope that Apparently they can survive on their own, all in a messy weird blurry pool of fears and relief and guilt and lonliness!!!!! And there’s so much to explore

But ALSO i miss my ladynoir goddammit i miss when it was the ladybug and chat noir show and i feel a little bit hollow seeing how ALONE!!! BOTH OF THEM were!!! this entire finale!!!!!!!!! Why are they ALONE those are my LADYNOIR they are PARTNERS do not SEPARATE THEM!!!! Stop doing PLOTS and HARD DECISIONS and IN CHARACTER MISTAKES to them and PLEASE just let them be perfect and together anyways aaaaaaaaa

(Bonus u can read the absolute essay i accidentally put in my tags for more scrambled thoughts)

#ml spoilers #ml s5 spoilers #ml s5 finale #ml recreation #ladynoir #me screaming #ml meta #i guess #i have no idea how to tag this #complicated feelings where i loved the finale i think #but also WOW did that hurt #which is kinda #proof of how impctful these chatacters are #and how hard this show makes you root for relationships #ive been thinking for So Long and i am just SURE #that after the themes and narratives this show has chosen to hold dear and make the audience care about #there is No Way this is the end of ladynoir #but i fear it may be Migrating #it might have to Go Away for a little while to let some character development happen #and i can imagine so many cool scenerios with ladynoir falling apart conflict #and so many ways for them to fall apart and fall back together #but all of them HURT like HECK and AAAA #i think the long post filter will help this and i wont have to add a read more but if theres issues with it being too long lmk #also whoopsie didnt mean to put essay in tags #i just. i have soooo many feelings #waaaaa #please please friends i am begging #someone write fanfiction of ladynoir being togeyher in the finale #just for . like. being in denial reasons #for reveling in the past and the eventual future reasons

[haemosexuality]

FNAF MOVIE SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT DONT READ IF YOU HAVENT SEEN IT YET I MEAN IT!!!!!!!

my thoughts on the movie UwU

ok first of i LOVED what they did with mike's character???? its different from the games canon (or different from the most popular theories??? i can never remember what is actually canon and whats accepted fanon) but its sooooo interesting. making him the brother of one of the victims was SO unexpected but it worked really really well. tho going into the movie with preconceived notions ab the story fucked me up somewhat bc i took so long to accept he wasnt michael afton 😣 tho i feel the movie mightve been setting fans up that way lol

on that note his brother confused me somewhat? cuz he was one of the missing children but he wasnt one of the 5 spirits was he??? maybe he was and i just didnt notice KSBSKDBSKD ill look out for it on my second watch

WILLIAM. MOTHER FUCKING AFTON. OH MY GODDDDDDD THAT WAS FUCKING INSANE and honestly seeing everyones reaction to it was SO cool. when springtrap appeared everyone screamed and clapped. when he started dying everyone screamed and clapped even louder. and when he said "I ALWAYS COME BACK" everyone LOST THEIR FUCKING MIND SCREAMING CRYING YELLING CLAPPING WHOOPING IT WAS SO FUCKING GOOD

AND THE VANESSA REVEAL????? i think thats completely different from game vanessa lore mostly bc william aftons daughter in the game was elizabeth/baby and shes fucking dead but idk vanessa lore so who knows. all i know is that it WORKED MAN i did NOT see that coming but i HONESTLY REALLY LIKED IT AND AGAIN EVERYONE IN THE THEATER LOST THEIR MINDS WE WERE ALL LIKE "WHAT?????" (edit: i saw an youtuber point out that this cant be the same vanessa from sb bc this is set in like the 90s and sb's in the future. maybe this is something like, they put two vanessas so we know that sometimes different characters just have the same name and dont get too hang up on mike smith vs michael afton lol)

i also like how they did williams character. i usually dont like purely evil 2d villains but i feel that fits afton way more than "sad scientist goes insane cuz he lost his kid oh no :(". like it just fits fnaf!!!!!!!

another thing that was completely different from the game was the animatronics. like in the game theyre "like animals" but in the movie they all seemed very, aware??? msking decisions? they def had a mind and it was cheesy sure but i also liked it. i just loved this movie. and everything about it. i went into it knowing it was absolutely not going to be 1:1 with the game so i dont mind im just so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT IMMEDIATELY STARTING WITH A JOKE ON DREAM THEORY LMFAOOOOOOOO. "SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE IT"

MATPAT? MOTHERFUCKING MATPAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME

THE EASTER EGGS!!! THE REFERENCES!!!!!! THERE WERE SO MANY AND THEY MADE ME WANT TO SCREAM AND CRY EVERY TIME OH MY GOD

im not gonna remember all of them but I WANT THE MIDNIGHT MOTORIST HOODIE

max did NOT deserve to die that upset me. she was fine!!!!!!!

also the violence wasnt anything super crazy but it was def more than i expected. also they swore

THE ANIMATRONICS ARE SO FUCKING COOL DUDE OH MY GOD I CANT BELIEVE THEYRE REAL

also golden freddy wasnt a girl in the movie. F cassidy

i like mikes character sooooo much ive said so before and im saying it again. vanessa too

THE SONG THE FUCKING SONG THE LIVING TOMBSTONE PLAYING IN THE FUCKINF CREDITS OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I CANT BELIEVE IT OH MY GOD DUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE

this one is only for the brazilians in here but i actually liked the dub? this sentiment might change after i watch the og version but it wasnt terrible. williams voice was 10/10

balloon boy was funny every single time. fuck this bitch. also the cupcake

THE ITS MEEEEEEEEEEE i wish they did more its mes BUT I SAW THAT!!!

the scene were mike calls abby to the kitchen so they could 'talk' and the aunt was there.... actually broke my heart how dare you

i missed phone guy 😭

OH IM PRETTY SURE I SAW THE FAKE DOG ANIMATRONIC PEOPLE THOUGHT EXISTED YEARS AGO???? I DONT REMEMBER HIS NAME BUT I THINK HE WAS THERE IN THE LIKE STORAGE PLACE i might be crazy tho dont quote me

i thought i wouldnt like it but i love how expressive freddy is its so funny. chica bonnie n foxy too but him especially

ok i those were all my immediate thoughts!!! i wrote this a few hours ago when id JUST gotten back from the theater and now im gonna go watch it again so bye <3

#autism was actually uncontrollable today i was going fucking insane #it was so hard to try to. not be annoying to everyone else in the room bc i was on OVERDRIVE #five nights at freddy's #fnaf movie #fnaf movie spoilers #im gonna write more thoughts in another post as i rewatch it

[cartoonrival]

like after all that shite even tho it stretched him out like saltwater taffy naruto is truly not not not not mad at sasuke for any of it. he doesnt hold anything that sasuke did actually against him. in a technical sense hes like yeah you probably shouldntve killed those guys. but he fully blames sasukes circumstances and the pain that hes in for everything that he did. he cant stay mad at sasuke. rolls my eyes. cause he recognizes what drove sasuke to act the way he did and that the world is so so fucked and even if he should hold it against him naruto really does not want to he just wants his best friend back. sasuke tried to kill naruto because sasuke loves naruto and hates himself, and naruto recognizes that this is the reason. and that you have to be in so much pain to want to do that as badly as sasuke did, and he could feel it too every time he looked at sasuke or just thought about him he felt like he was being ripped in two. he realizes that sasuke has growing and learning and changing to do but he doesnt consider sasuke to have " put him through" anything like. naruto put himself through that and i think he'd be the first to tell that to you. im saving sasuke because i want to save him. that was the premise of the whole conversation with sakura in the land of iron like "why are you doing all this for sasuke" -> "because i want to". and i think if anyone tried to be like look what he put you through!!! he'd rip them a new one. which i mean a bunch of people sayig that to him is what pushed him over the edge in such a fashion that seeing sasuke face to face and swearing to die alongside him was the only thing that could bring him back from the brink.

anyways i just do not think sakura has the bandwidth (understandably) for that perspective considering i dont think she feels like she's choosing to go after sasuke in the same way that naruto does. and its not rightreally to call it a choice because obviously he doesnt get in bed every night and be like tonight i will think about sasuke and feel like im dying over and over again, but he decided to. this is two different posts but im stream of consciousnessing it into one. he very distinctly decided not to give up on sasuke i mean there was like. literally the scene where jiraiya was like drop it its not worth it go after your dream only a fool would keep going after sasuke now. and naruto says if thats what a fool is then ill be a fool my whole life. gag. anyways. obviously sakura wants to help sasuke 10000% she wants to help naruto she wants him back she wants the old team 7 back she loves sasuke etc im not trying to say none of that is true, but i dont think she feels like she is quite as active an agent in that decision as naruto does. while naruto thinks theyre on the same page about wanting to save sasuke because they both love him, sakura is quite quick to believe that naruto wants to save sasuke because HE feels obligated. she gets fed up with him for choosing sasuke every time over and over no matter what, she's sick of it! she cant do it anymore! she decides to kill sasuke because she feels driven into a corner, she feels like she has to because she DOES CARE ABOUTHIM and theres NOTHING ELSE FOR HER TO DO. SHE FEELS LIKE SHE HAS TO. ALSO part of her resolve to kill him is that she feels guilty for leaning on naruto so mcuh and relying on him to fix things, so she wants to deal with this situation for both of them which makes this like. very potently an obligation for her. she is killing him as (in her eyes) a noble act. she's tired bro SHES TIRED!

she drops it because naruto gives her hope that theres another way, not because she shares naruto's refusal to accept that there ISNT another way; she has to be shown what it is (understandably so, narutos route is bonkers insane that boy is unwell.) she has absolutely been put through the wringer BY sasuke more than naruto has (in terms of their own povs; in actuality idk im not commenting on that) and chasing after him feels less like an active choice on her part and more of an obligation to the memory of the old team 7, especially in the tail end of shippuden. and again she doesnt understand why sasuke acted the way that he did like naruto does, so immediately the room for understanding is way more narrow on her end in terms of blaming his circumstances rather than him. so for her to be not really able to stand him and way less quick to drop it all, in comparison to naruto, makes soooo so soosoo much more sense than whatever the fuck happens actually. she should be so mad

#txt157 #nrto #i only split paragraphs because i went over the character per block limit #im not rereading all that sorry #congrats or im sorry that happened-ing my own post

[seawardboundsammy]

14, 30 and 34 for Steps of choice? 👀

using a random number generator ill be answering these for arbor, rory, and my new girl nayeli!

14. are they more daring or more cautious?

rory is by FAR the most daring (78) nayeli is in the middle (58) and arbor is the most cautious (45). rory doesnt give a single shit about like, consequences or people hating them and arbor is like. if ortega is mad at me i Will put myself in the timeloop and suffer through my entire life again as to avoid this.

30. what is their love life like?

arbor and ortega's ship tag is "deify your lover". i often say "arbor didnt get religion under they imagined god as ortega". see earlier statement about timeloops. theyre terminally obsessed with him and will make any bad decision to make him happy (telling all the rangers theyre a regene). but they like each other a lot so its all fine :]

rory had a secret crush on ortega and never told him and now wants him to suffer for as long as possible and then die for leaving them to rot. they flirted with argent behind the mask but that was all for show. their thesis of "i want to walk into a room and have suffered the least, and im going to hurt everyone to make this happen" is not conducive to relationships (not even including the fact they feel. nothing. and dont consider themself a person at all)

nayeli... could not avoid a beautiful woman no matter how much she tries. she's pastflirt and dating ortega, dating mortum in the puppet (and confessed everything), and is dating argent (revealed to her as well). it is. terminally messy in there, she just cant avoid throwing herself at the feet of women she loves/wants to be like (transgenderisms)

#thank you for the ask!! :]] #fhr arbor #fhr rory #fhr nayeli #sammy speaks #asks #fallen hero

[art-of-mathematics]

TW trauma mention

My body is getting more difficult to handle again.

It feels like burnout.

The exhaustion, the dizzyness, difficulties with sensorimotor coordination, diffivulties with seeing, insomnia...

It takes so many hours for me to switch from one task to another,

all the terrible memories crawl into consciousness when I am at my weakest. which makes it additionally difficult.

It gets harder and harder to give this very aching body compassion.

I crave to have time and energy to do what I enjoy, but instead all time and energy is consumed by tasks I hate, shitty food intake, shopping groceries, traveling thru the exorbitant large city, standing the intense noises and brightness,

...

I want calm.

I.. do not know.

I want the diabetes to be better managable. I do not want these unforeseen peaks and random insuline resitance to occurr in phases of large stress.

please, I just want to know how I can at least better optimizie my energy handling.

Getting more and more restful sleep is of high priority, but this problem goes hand in hand with the worrying and attemtping to find solutions to an unsolvable problem, and that I fail to calm my mind, especeially when i am at my weakest.

the worrying goes in all directions: what i did wrong some years ago so I dont have access to a medical institution that could at least possibly help. I made mistakes and behaved poorly, I did not know what i know now. heck, I was not able to reflect, because i was still in this bubble of thinking my mother's delusions about me and the world were right. damn, I made so much wrong. and it is not possible this medical institution would ever get I really changed. I now have my stamp there, and it is impossible to get rid of that.

no amount of rational behavior could convince them I am not just seeking attention.

it is such a complex and entangled problem constellation, that really no one is "at fault" for that shitty suffering, it is just a bunch of very shitty automatical behavior/decisions on my behalf, miscommunication from both sides, misunderstandings, and sadly that I was to afraid to tell this psychotherapist he reminds me of my father in regards that make me very passive aggressive.

No amount of rational behavior could convince this therapist that his prior opinion of myself should need to be reevaluated if he tells things like:

"Autism has nothing to do with why you are here." (I was in a trauma therapy)

(implying autism and ones own biography are separapable and autism has no significant effect upon ones own biography)

or

"It is not that you cant, it is that you dont want to. "(In regards to understanding other people[empathy]

or

"Diabetes is just a very common illness."

(implying it is no trauma, because it is just a very common illness. (what sort of logical fallacy lis behind this deficitary argumentationn???? ) I could not even tell him about how it feels to be almost dyivg from dehydration after more than a week of drinking more than 7 liters a day and pissing out more. or how it feels to getting said, after like 10 days, the mother bringing her dehydrated diabetic child in the clinic to get first treatement for the onset of diabetes: "You have luck! One more day and you would have been dead! "(If I knew earlier, I would have been runned away and would have preferred to die.)

or the fact that this diabetes is still, up to this day, very difficult to manage.

Damn, I was 7 when I got it, I was primarily left alone with that birthgiver who had no time for her kids.

damn. it was/is a chronic illness. I got it as KID! it changed everything! It impacted everything since then!

It is regarded as trauma even if a family member gets a chronic disease. why not if a kid, oneself, gets a chronic disease with getting told "You have luck. one more day and you would have been dead. " and I cannot forget how it feels to almost die from dehydration. I CANNOT forget this part! because it IS ceverely life-threatening! But why is it not regardedjas trauma?

Because "it is just diabetes and vers many people have diabetes. "

I do not know whether I should grief not having this therapist anymore or seeing that he has too many incompetent features.

I mean, he is not able to see complexity,

he seems not to be able or not willing to see from other (my) perspectives,

I have huge difficulties, because now I am blaming HIM. am I blaming him? Or am I just stating what I find unhelpful about how he attempted to help me?

Because I am so confused about all the stuff he wrote in the letter.

He mixes things I find difficult about myself too, with interpretations that are so far-fetched and leave out so many details, that you can smell the cherry-picking out of this piece of paper...

It is like: WHAT!????

He also brought the basic statement of: "shows histrionic features, because dresses strangely, is an artist and has published books in niche topics (implying i feel like something better, because "niche topic" implies "only superior people are interested" - hint: it is not the case. it is just the case that I am interested in topics most people dont care about. i publish because I just want that shit to be published if i create it anyway. also: i have no problem with getting critique. ))

... I had to literally decrypt his letter about my patient case, and it left me very very confused and... I understaood why the therapy was not helpful there. there were sooo many misunderstandings, and if i attempted to explain he used the rhetorics of "feels misunderstood because (s)he is narcisstic" and "you do nt have to justify yourself. "(heck, i do not justify myself, I explain. Justifiying would mean that I think my behavior is alright andmdoes not need to be improved. Explaining means I want to clarify myself and add important details: i am not saying my behavior is okay. It does not excuse my behavior. I just attempt to find a consensual and open communication.

and it was so diffcult to get into a rational conversation with him, because he was so focused on talking in a different communication channel than I was in. (common problem between neurotypical and autistic people: autist says something in the communication channel of the factual level, neurotypical is mostly in the emotional/relationshio communication channel and implies hidden intentions behind my intentionless factual level words... I mean. It is a basic concept of how miscommunication happens. )

I feel like... It is pointless to think about contacting this therapist again, because, like, the communication does not work at all.

I do not even know why I consider contacting him for getting to talk about it and possible further therapy options.

Perhaps I think the reason is just, because many psychotherapists have not enough experience with complex trauma (on the other hand, he seems to be unhelpful for me as well, as in: his ignorance in regards of autism and our difficulty to getting into a common rational conversation) and it is like... annoying to think about it.

But one thing I think would still be helpful:

I would like to make an appointment and talk with him about the two letters he wrote about my case. I would like to hear his clarifications, and I would also like to tell him the results of my reflection of the previous 2 years. I also want to know how I can proceed with my life now since the contact to the mother is finally broken up, and since i have realized the reality loss i was in due to - really some self esteem delusions, that were really delusional.

Now that I have typed all that here in tumblr.

... I will delete it soon, but I had to get it off my mind.

why am i still publishing this post?

i publish such posts, because I think, perhaps, sometimes anyone reading such types of my posts could help me reflect about what to do or how I could think about it.

yet, I am sorry if I trigger anyone with my often detailled descriptions of the shit - or if it gets annoying. In this case I encourage you to take care of yourself and hit the unfollow button.

#trauma #tw trauma #chronic illness #knottys complains #whining ranting and reflecting #this memory soup is extremely spicy #better add some sugar but dont sugarcoat it #autism #neurodivergent

[yj-98]

btw. the reason arthur starts dying is so compelling to me.

you meet this man (thomas downes, a charity owner) because hes asking for donations for an orphanage. you cant donate to him. he later breaks up a fight between arthur and another man (said fight started in the bar and ended in the street) and begs arthur to stop hitting the man because he'd already won. you stop.

later on, maybe a week or two, you're given a job. arthur is shown to Dislike this kind of work, but you have to collect on debts for a man that works with the gang. youre eventually directed towards the downes ranch, because thomas downs took out a loan, and the man directing arthur here knows that the people he's loaning to cant pay it back easily. arthur remembers the man with disdain and accepts it.

this is really the crux of arthurs actions btw. that sometimes he wont like it, but he'll do it. because to Not do it is unquestionable. because dutch asked. because its expected of him. so arthur goes. and downes cant pay. and arthur beats him. and blood gets in arthurs mouth. and tuberculosis does as it will.

and its really his fault. its a tragedy that this is the life he was brought into and that the circumstances were such, but it was his own actions.

but i think its interesting that downes is really just a prop. his wife and kid that you meet later on after thomas downes dies from complications from his illness blame arthur, and part of arthurs long journey to try to make things right with his little sliver of the world is making sure that the wife and son at least are going to be okay. they have more depth and characterization over that period of time than the dead man ever will, and its ultimately because hes meant to be a symbol yk. a sick man who has nothing and asks for nothing for himself but asks for others and who took a loan to help his family.

its interesting. to me. because sickness is not a question of morals, it can happen to anyone. arthur can be a good man or a very bad man depending on how you decide to play it out, but the reality is that arthur is more or less a man who wants to be kind but had it beaten out of him. he can be good, but its less about being a saint and more just about caring about others. contrasted with him furthering himself into apathy and gripping the life he lead for 20 odd years tighter.

he contracts the illness early on. hes dying from the start more or less, and YOU know something is wrong with him because hes coughing more and more, but he doesnt get a diagnosis until hes already almost died, and been starved and almost drowned at sea. hes stumbling around the city half delirious until a concerned citizen brings him to the drs office. hes given his prognosis (not good) and his expected time left (not long). prior to this arthur has already been making decisions and changes, has already watched much of his family die, lost a father, and knows he lost the other long ago.

but this really lights a fire under his ass yk. its so interesting that you really meet this man basically immediately. that thomas downes + arthurs actions will haunt him until he dies. but that arthur will try anyways. because hes got nothing to lose but other people have things to gain from him sucking it up and working himself half to death if he can just make things right. because hes afraid of having left behind a legacy of more pain.

#rook.log #cowboygame lb #<- did you guys know that tumblr refuses to save this tag as something i can easily find. i have to ufcking type it manually every time #its so hot btw so nothing im saying feels like it makes sense to me but like. augh. protagonist but not a cut and dry ''good guy''

[butcherfoxes]

GRGRGGFGH ok so bioshock right. Well eleanor lamb is from bioshock 2 but the base knowleghe you need of bioshock is that This Motherfucker made a city underwater bc he sucks ass. and used the final pam morals of No Rules Just Right. WELL they discover The Slug That Gives You Superpowers and go hrmm how could we make a profit from this (the city is capitlism world except its worse than captilism bc the guy thought american captilism was Too good to poor people) anyway so they figure out if they put the slug in little girls they can make super power drugs. WELL now they have a bunch of freakish little girls running around and people keep killing the little girls to get the drugs which is No Bueno. so theyre like “hey!! lets take our prisoners and brainwash them so heavily they genuinely cant think of anything Except protecting the girls!” yay! ok so this chick Sofia Lamb comes to rapture to be an awesome psychiatrist who loves to help poor people and also shes a single mom. Well andrew ryan the guy who made the city is like hrm. helping poor people is bad. and has her arrested. and then custody of her daughter Eleanor goes to this other chick who Loses Her Immediately and now shes being taken care of by this other guy whos like man fuck them kids and sells eleanor to the little sister orphanage which is really a sort of factory to make the freak girls. except this is Before they figure out the “brainwash prisoners to protect the girls” so theyre still figuring that out. WELL they figure it out by expirimenting on this one guy Yay! so they do it some more to other guys and As It Turns Out if the brainwash dudes get seperated from their little sister too long they either Die or Go Insane oh fuck! anyway back to subject delta whos the first guy to have that bond and eleanor the first one to. also have that bond. ok so now eleanor is Really attatched to subject delta and calls him her father also shes like 7 years old. anyway so theyre chilling Yayy! except her mother sofia lamb escapes from prison and is like fuck youuu die thats MY daughter. die. forever. and kills subject delta and does Things so that eleanor isnt a little sister anymore shes just a little girl. ok so while delta is dead sofias like hrmm wouldnt it be awesome if we created the perfect person whos super awesome by injecting them with Every Drug? well this goes bad. also sofia is a cult leader now. so sofias like Well eleanor my young daughter should be immune to the drug bc she was exposed to the drug. so actually im going to raise my daughter completely isolated from everyone so she wont be tainted and the cult is going to revolve around this little girl sacrificing herself to be the perfect most special guy in the world. yay! Well 10 years pass eleanor is a Teenager now and figures out how to revive subject delta bc kind of her mom sucks. this is the start of the plot of bioshock 2 Well subject delta goes on this epic journey to save his adoptive daughter and makes Moral Decisions which is to say the player gets to make moral decisions. and this seemingly effects nothign until closer to the end where when (spoilers) delta saves eleanor by turning her into a badass big sister (girls with big knives) u get little Hints of oh ! oh my choices mattered ! bc eleanor will either be viscously murdering everything in her path Including Children and laughing maniacally abt it OR going lalala..dont hurt my dad ok..and i save the children..anyway skip to the end there are like a bunch of endings but the one my profile pic is inspired by is where (more spoilers) subject delta dies but also so does eleanors mom But Also so do all the little sisters but eleanor escaped the city so eleanor is Completely Alone and also she was born and raised in the city so this is her first time on the surface and basically bioshock 2 is like undertale 5 years before undertale

jaw dropp...this sounds so interesting ill likely never get into bioshock but that sounds cool as hell

#i didnt answer earlier bcs i fell asleep 😭 i pulled an all nighter on sunday so i was so tired #kitsu posts #kitsu asks

[somer-writes]

So, I have a million questions I want to ask you about deity stuff, but since apparently I can’t WORD this week, I’ll just ask you what comes to mind since I’m writing a fic with an adjacent question at its core, and I love so many of your stories and insights.

What do you think would make Sky completely lose faith in Hylia? How would he respond, in your opinion?

what a question mark

i got this though, had to hop back on my compooter for this one tho get that full keyboard swagggg

OK throughout many of the zelda games, its demonstrated that good and evil is a conscious choice and effort. some of them explore the characters' boundaries with these choices, others explore the idea of corruptive forces as a natural illness.

and some people might say "well the gods are exempt" except the gods are not! demise and hylia have agency. they make plans and active choices and sacrifices in order to get what they want in whatever fashion that is. even in twilight princess the idea that ganon receives the triforce of power is a cruel joke from the gods

often explored in zelda is this idea of balance. the triforce came from three goddesses and yet we routinely see power be abused or the wielder of power destined to do evil. would this then not mean that the goddesses are also weighing their own virtues against one another in an effort to maintain a harmonious balance of good and evil

i think at its core, the zelda series (perhaps due to OoT having its own overarching religious meta regarding japanese buddhism) explores this notion of an ever present balancing act of good/evil, light/dark, divine/mortal and further that one is necessary for the other

SO what would make sky, a mortal, turn his back on hylia, the divine?

i think hylia actively making a choice of cruelty even for the sake of "the greater good". and maybe further, bc sky is so baked into it from the start, it takes him a while to realize hes been utilized as a pawn to exact some notion of cruel fate on someone else

it could be something dramatic like hylia calling for the death of maybe another mortal, but i think it could even be something which speaks to skys protectiveness. what if zelda was slowly unravelling in a constant tug of war between her own mortality and being a divine vessel? sky watches the woman he loves slowly lose touch with her people but have no company in her righteousness either. if zelda has prophetic dreams, what if she sees her loved ones die? what if sky sees them too? what if sky pleads to hylia to just please show zelda a little bit of mercy and give her some peace and hylia refuses bc thats what zelda was born for

or even within the realm of the heros curse, sky realizing that the curse was never *his* fault the way hes felt, but the result of a struggle between greater powers that he had to intervene in bc hylia *lost*

i dont think sky is entitled in any way, but imagine him sacrificing what remains of his childhood, giving up his own peace and serenity, seeing the ugliness in the world, and hylia cant do him or zelda this *one* favor and let her get a good nights rest or comfort him when he sees the heroes who come after

and then as that begins to snowball, sky slowly dwelling on this idea that he has no choice and never did. groose changes of his own volition. groose morphs from a bully into one of links closest friends (or lovers depending on the hc). groose makes an active decision to become a better person and write his own destiny by entangling himself with zelda and links. zelda and link never had the luxury of choice to begin with. they are divine objects more or less.

link gets to see other skyloftians build lives their way. they pursue their passions and make a place in the world through active self exploration but links fate was written for him before he was even born

and hylias not perfect otw demise would have never needed to be resealed right? he wouldve been destroyed

i think it would be a slow unraveling that starts with just a thread. one bad dream too many, one out of touch remark, one instance of zelda pulling away and i think it unrolls into the rest of this insanity and ultimately leads to an identity crisis

bc perhaps link *does* turn his back on hylia but is that really a choice he has? what happens when hylia needs her chosen hero again? will he be forced to act or simply compelled bc if he doesnt he'll lose everyone and everything?

in a way, that choice gives link an opportunity to exact cruelty himself bc hylia needs him more than he needs her

as for his response to the crisis, i think he would actually grieve. hylia is a lot closer to skyloftians than other instances of hylians. i think link would go through the 5 stages

denying that hylia could ever be capable of doing wrong or making a mistake

angry that it falls on him, angrier that it falls on zelda

bargaining for some kind of answer or response

depressed over his own lack of agency

acceptance that he can still make his own path regardless of faith or not

and i think in the end link would end up in a sort of easy reverence of hylia. not necessarily blind worship of her as maybe he did previously, but a deeper understanding of the worlds natural current. i think ultimately it brings him peace to know that his life *does* mean something, that hes done something worthwhile, and i think he develops his own compass out of it

after all is said in done, i think he relies on hylia and a divine structure less and looks inward for reflections and instincts. to that end, i think he mostly gives up on the hero thing and is determined to form his own identity. hero is not synonymous with good person and i think at his core, link just wants to be a good person and he realizes he can do that without hylias guidance

so i guess the loss of faith isnt a total loss of faith. he would still have faith in hylia to some degree that things will work out but i do think he loses faith in hylias capability

ANYWAY sorry this was so long, hopefully it makes sense lmao

we could get further into legacy too with link realizing that just bc hylia and himself cant be separated, she has nothing on his legacy through say his children or the way the kingdom gets built

#somer answers #this was a big long rant #also we could discuss the games meta usage of symmetry when it comes to the world itself #like two switches or four torches and the way the games rely on patterns #and bc the triforce is split in three it cant be symmetrical and remain pure #something will always be a little uneven in those forces

[feech-phylicia]

Last year around this time my mom asked me if halloween was my favorite holiday (it is) and why. My dad jokingly answered that it's the only widely celebrated holiday in the US That doesn't have Christian roots (cue conversation about Christianity adopting/stealing celebrations and traditions from other cultures) which yeah true and fair and probably a small part but my actual reasoning (at the time i was thinking about how autism affects my life and always has) was that its a time when we celebrate the weird and different and macabre we embrace the other at halloween and as someone who always felt very other it was nice to not have to work as hard to fit in because the weirdness was celebrated

Anyway I had a horrible day of pain and brain fog and began thinking about it in the similar but different lens of chronic illness or disability and wrote this little piece. The first draft was close to unintelligible due to the aforementioned brain fog but has been edited and is brought to you now by insomnia

Why do i love halloween?

Maybe its because

I could be a zombie

The way my body falls apart beneath me. no thoughts push through the fog in my head. no feelings exist but a resigned numbness as my shambling limbs fail to go through even the most basic of functions.

I could be a vampire

The way i sleep all day in an attempt to regain energy i never had to begin with and because of the blood i drink when my lips dry and crack. what does it matter if its my own?

I could be a witch

The way my medicine cabinet looks like it should belong to someone 3 or 4 times my age and how i keep trying potion after potion and pill after pill hoping something will help.

I could be a corpse

The way my skins pales and hands freeze and cheeks hollow because i cant eat and how my joints ache in protest to even the slightest movements.

I could be a werewolf

The way my body changes so quickly and so completely because of factors i cannot control. I dont recognize myself in a mirror and my abilities are miles away from what they might've been before. I can barely remember before.

I could be a ghost

The way i hover transparent barely able to interact with my surroundings. never fully there even on my best days. how i wail and moan through the night when i cant sleep because of the pain.

Maybe i love halloween because I fit in here, with all the other monsters.

Is this a poem?

A love letter?

A rant?

I dont know.

You decide.

Everyone from doctors to strangers get to judge and make decisions about my body .

You might as well have my writing too.

While we're at it,

When i die,

Take my bones.

They can be the skeleton on your front porch steps.

#feech rambles #feech writes #poetry? #poetry #chronic illness #lupus #halloween #monsters #editing this i also thought of that one post thats like goddammit is this about grief again? #and ya know what it is #grief for myslef as i was before i began experiencing symptoms #grief for all the things i cant do #grief for the future i mightve had #but also grief for my mother and grandmother #the difference it mightve made in their lives to not jave this disease #grief for how they never got both and #only either or #grief for all that couldve been but wont be #eventually ill learn to accept it and move on #but today #today it hurts

[autumnfangirler]

20 24 18 for any character?

questions from here!

ill answer for all of my steps because i can't make a decision to save my life :')

18. What is their greatest fear?

Caine- hmmm, this is a difficult question for him. they kinda lost their ability to care much about themeselves after the whole farm ordeal. id probably go with identity loss though! outsider scar means theyre already disconnected from the world as is, and he likes being the puppet too much, to the point they worry that "caine" as a personality would be totally gone if he isn't careful

Cyrus- he would rather die than admit this, but losing the people he cares about. he'd rather cut them off by his own hand than let anybody else take them away from him again

Cecilia- if you asked her she'd probably say going back to the farm, but that stems more from the fear of being abandoned and helpless. its part of the reason shes so adamant about connecting and befriending people; its like a failsafe in case something happens to her

Cynthia- same with cyrus! shes just a lot more open with her worry for other people, and she wouldn't willingly give it up (though its getting harder and harder to hold on to that feeling– sometimes she wonders if the concern is real or if shes just going along with the script she was taught)

20. How do they feel about death?

Caine- he doesn't think much about it, really. they've accepted it as part of life, and if its their time to die, so be it. until then, he'll try his best to avoid it. unless the farm gets to him, then death is very much preferable

Cyrus- *looks at suitag* hm! not great! he doesn't want to die before his goals are complete, but death is unpredictable, and he doesnt like that. he wants to be in control of it, even if that means taking matters into his own hands

Cecilia- shes staring death in the face and laughing. she acts like death doesnt apply to her because she already escaped death once, so in a way, it doesnt. and if if does, then she'd be too dead to care so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Cynthia- scared. very scared of death. she lost the people she loved most because of it, both when it happened to her and when it happened to the people she cared about. shes trying so hard to keep people safe, nobody should have to go through that sort of grief, and certainly not from her hand

24. How do they typically come across to strangers? to friends? do they frequently use their telepathy to influence others' perceptions of them?

Caine- to strangers, he tends to come across as unapproachable and aloof. his friends know hes just a very confused idiot 😔 theyre very dependent on their telepathy to read moods and intentions, and they abuse their "do not percieve me" aura, but other than that, no, which is a shame. hes fighting for his life against those sus stats

Cyrus- strangers see him as prickly and cold. to friends,,,,he's not much better. but his friends are very aware its a mask he puts up, theyve seen him be warm and sappy more than once. and yes, absolutely he does. conversation and interaction are his battleground, and he prefers to have the upper hand whenever he can

Cecilia- bubbly! very sweet, extroverted, and loud. that said, the more you talk to her, the more you can see how blunt and unforgiving she can really be. its never on purpose, but if they cant handle her, then theyre not worth talking to anyway. she doesnt use her telepathy to change others perceptions of her– they can draw their own conclusions, the people that like her can tag along for the ride

Cynthia- she tends to act more polite and withdrawn to the people shes not close to, and while shes a friendly person in general, thats still a lot of people. the people shes comfortable opening up to find her to be a lot less sociable than she comes across, usually opting to share companiable silence than holding conversation. as for her telepathy, she has mixed feelings about it, but she doesnt like using it to change peoples minds

#fhr #sidestep #caine lynzal #cyrus becker #cecilia rider #cynthia garcia #ask game #im sorry this is so long i simply cannot shut up about them 😔