#i believe in them they can do it

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[tio-trile]

Came up with the headcanon with my friend that Todd is the only person from the Institute who has caught them together but it didn't matter after all

Bonus:

#nimona #nimona netflix #ballister boldheart #ambrosius goldenloin #thoddeus sureblade #goldenheart #todd nimona #my art #my comic #not gonna tag the ns tags because uh. They're wrestling ( #Me: I really want to draw more goldenheart...*proceeds to draw a Todd-central comic???? #It started with my friend saying that A+B's interactions make her think that they're a couple who has done it already and then we were like #'but where. In the dorms?? Do they have single rooms or......" #And then we were like if they get caught by anyone it can be Todd who would 100% believe them when they say that they're just wrestling #EDIT: ALSDJKASLDKJ ACTUALLY FORGOT TO TAG TODD

[ministarfruit]

day 10: love is devotion ♡

(femslashfeb prompt list)

#minifemslashfeb2024 #ace attorney #junithena #athena cykes #juniper woods #melts into a puddle #junithena WARM junithena SOFT #junithena is so darling to me especially the version of it I made up in my head #ok I always write junie with imposter syndrome BUT #can we talk about how many skills this girl has. she can knit. she can sing. she can write. she can garden. she's smart #AND she's studying law to become a judge #I made her a painter for this too. because why not #god gave her health problems to nerf her. otherwise she would be too powerful #also athena short hair swag because I think she looks cute like that #do you ever think about the space and earth symbolism? no? just me? #is there something quite so intangible as falling in love with the stars #believing you will never reach them #when the stars are shining brightly to guide your way #they shine just for you... #mini be normal about junithena challenge: failed #'what are you talking about' shhh. shh. #you are safe now my sweet child

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

putting my prediction on record now that the coming decade is going to see the rise of viral-marketed fancy at-home water filtration systems, driving and driven by a drastic reduction in the quality of U.S. tap water (given that we are in a 'replacement era' where our current infrastructure is reaching the end of its lifespan--but isn't being replaced). also guessing that by the 2030s access to drinkable tap water will be a mainstream class issue, with low-income & unstably housed people increasingly forced to rely on expensive bottled water when they can't afford the up-front cost of at-home filtration--and with this being portrayed in media as a "moral failing" and short-sighted "choice," rather than a basic failure of our political & economic systems. really hope i'm just being alarmist, but plenty of this already happens in other countries, and the U.S. is in a state of decline, so. here's praying this post ages into irrelevance. timestamped April 2023

#apollo don't fucking touch this one #serious post #not a shitpost #hope i forget about this post and have no reason to ever look back on it one day #fyi i'm aware that access to potable water is already a major issue in parts of the U.S. yes i know flint michigan exists #i'm saying that this issue is going to GROW unless local & federal governments work together to fix it. #so it's a matter of if we trust them to fix it. And well--do you? #what are the chances the government just denies there's a problem until the water actually turns brown #at which point it's already been common knowledge for years and people have just become resigned and that's our new normal #i'm mean come on. how many of us already believe that we're being exposed to dangerous pollutants we don't know about and can't avoid #like that's pretty much just part of being a modern consumer. accepting that companies will happily endanger your life for a few pennies #and the most you'll get is like a $50 gift card as part of a class action rebate 20 years down the line #probably the history books will look back on Flint as a warning and a harbinger that went ignored #luxury condos will advertise their built-in top-of-the-line filtration systems--live here and you can drink water straight from your tap! #watch the elite professional class putting $700 dyson water filtration systems on their wedding registry #while the rest of us figure out how to fit water delivery into our grocery budget while putting 90% of our paycheck towards rent #also eggs are $15

[kkbardd]

Reverse Nerd!AU in which Asuka is a fictional character and Rei is a diehard weeb who makes her their entire personality

#asurei #girlfailure rei realness #now all I need to do is make each AU meet each other #<- world-shattering implications #their tamagotchi keeps dying bc rei can never take care of it #they self insert themselves as shinji when watching #not cuz they relate to him but bc asuka beats him up #rei also thinks all other nge fans are complete losers except them & doesnt interact w the fandom besides hate-reading OOC asuka fics #I can’t believe this took me 5 months to finish oh my god #college is a scary thing #nge #neon genesis evangelion #eva #rei ayanami #ayanami rei #evangelion #asuka #asuka langley #asuka langley soryu

[otaku553]

Quite frankly still obsessed with the three of them

A little procrastination doodle

#one piece #portgas d ace #sabo #monkey d luffy #it’s 5 am and I do not have the time to be spending on procrastination doodles but that is neither here nor there #ft. my headcanons for their outfits as kiddos but not really because I think this is pretty close to canon #oversized jacket for sabo because I refuse to believe he has worn the same clothes after being a runaway for at least a few years #like kids grow so fast and I can see undersized jacket for that as well but I feel like undersized would just be uncomfy and restricting #straw hat is definitely too big for 7 year old luffy so I hc it goes around his neck more often than not #or sabo or ace gets annoyed at luffy for having his eyes blocked all the time while they’re fighting each other or hunting so they #eventually get luffy to wear it around his neck more #also you can’t convince me that the fuzz on luffy’s shorts is like… actual fur #I think it’s more like very frayed edges of denim if you know what I mean #ace with baggy pants because it’s what he deserves. baggy pants ftw #also probably bigger pockets for his pickpocketing #sabo complains about noble clothes like girls complain about small pockets #‘what are they even supposed to hold. why are they so tight. this is just them trying to get us to buy expensive bags’

[canisalbus]

Love your art so much. Will you show us cool nature pics from your country? I'm literally so stoned I forgot where you live sorry.

Sure anon, why not. I'm not a photographer so the quality of these is kind of slushy at best. I like nature and wander around a little bit, but I rarely hike properly, so I don't go to that many scenic places. These are mostly from regular walks. Long post warning.

Summers are short but very green, and since we're at the arctic circle we get sunlight around the clock. Some of these were taken at midnight or early morning small hours. Most of Finland is very sparsely populated and covered in boreal forests.

Finland is a very watery country, lots of lakes in particular.

Sometimes you get intense sunsets

And winters are very cold, snowy and last about six months. In summer we have midnight sun and in winter there's the polar night to counter it. Around late December sun only rises for about two hours per day where I live so it's very dark for many, many weeks on end (which is wonderful if you get seasonal depression like I do). But sometimes the weather and lighting are just right and you get this ethereal pastel effect that I love.

#we also have northern lights pretty regularly and those can be magical but I'm not enough of a wizard to take good pictures of them #I have a friend who Photographs Nature With Intent and goes to all these natural parks to do it #but I'm not them so this is the best I can do #I particularly regret that I don't have any bog/swamp/marsh pictures to show you because they're actually really aesthetic locations #believe it or not #and an iconic part of Finnish nature #anonymous #long post #answered #lamentably the best ethereal pastel effect only happens on very cold days like from -20°C to -30°C #so if you take out your phone and remove gloves to snap a photo your phone battery dies very quickly and your fingers freeze #so it's a bit inconvenient

[shorthaltsjester]

the mighty nein - critical role

this is a place where i don't feel alone. this is a place where i feel at home.

#also with softer vibes. i offer They #every silly little brainheart found family deserves a to build a home edit #the mighty nein maybe most of all. thats my family #also the lyrics deliciously well suited to m9. #when jester pulls that. stupid tarot card for fjord. home or traveler. and there's a carnival wagon. and veth says Thats Us! . them #i just think about . the tower is their home the xhorhouse is their home the lavish chateau is their home the balleater. the mistake. #the nein heroez. veth and yezas apartment. the dome. fjord and jesters living room floor. #a bar with a silly name on rumblecusp #also like. the song has stone and dust imagery. gardens and trees. #the inherent temporality of life and love and how that holds no bearing on how greatly people can love. im losin it okay. #ive been making this edit for days straight with my computer screaming at me for trying to shove 143 episodes of cr into a 2min20sec video. #crying becuase. theyre a family do you get it. they were nine lonely people and most of them had given up on seeing their own lives #as something that might be good. something that might make the world a better place. and in the end they're heroes. #and it doesn't matter if no one else knows because They know they're heroes. and they wouldn't've believed that was true when they met. #rattling the bars of my enclosure. to be loved is to be changed #posted on twitter and want to get in the habit of posting here too bc. #general reasons but also bc . i have noticed some of the ppl liking/sharing it are also ppl who shit on my ops by vaguing about my posts #which is in general whatever but does leave a funny taste in my mouth. #critical role #the mighty nein #cr2 #caleb widogast #caduceus clay #jester lavorre #fjord #veth brenatto #yasha nydoorin #beauregard lionett #mollymauk tealeaf #my posts

[egophiliac]

so on the subject of the "Crowley is secretly Revaan/Laverne/Levin/please Twst give us his name" theory, I think my feelings are best summed up as "I don't really buy it, but it's funny". like, in all seriousness, I'm not opposed to it; I have enjoyed the writing in Twst so far and I'm willing to trust that whatever happens will, you know, make sense and not be terrible. but I'm just not really convinced by the current evidence! maybe that'll change once we learn more, we'll see!

with that said, may I propose a few alternate theories about the possible Crowley/Revaan connection:

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #on this installment of things nobody asked but i'm going to talk about anyway #disclaimer that this is mostly a joke please don't get mad at me #(legit no shade to anyone) (speculation is one of the fun things about an ongoing fandom and you never know what'll turn out to be true!) #more seriously i do think there may be some connection that just isn't clear yet #but the more little breadcrumbs we get about what revaan was like the more i think crowley just doesn't act like him #i adore crowley don't get me wrong #(yes he's a dipshit. this is a feature not a bug.) #but like. #not to harp on the scene about lilia's nrc invitation (i am absolutely going to harp on it) #i do not believe that crowley would go through the trash to fish out the pieces and put them back together and save them #just because it was lilia's. just because lilia might want it again someday. #crowley can ✨yasashii✨ all he wants but we know what he's like #and i REALLY do not believe that lilia wouldn't recognize him. i didn't believe it before and i extra don't believe it now. #then again i do tend to be incredibly off about speculation so! who knows! i will trust the writing for now! #i do 100% believe that meleanor would fall in love with the world's biggest dumbass and then double down super hard. that part tracks. #that said i have decided that ambrose being revaan is actually the funnier option just because it would make crowley SO mad #it wouldn't make sense for him to be mad about it and that would just make him madder

[gomzdrawfr]

it's hard loving yourself

#i can't keep lying to myself #how do you love something that is so unlovable #i'm poison. i come from poison. i have poison inside me and i destroy everything i touch. that's my legacy. #i pour alcohol into the gaping hole inside my chest. it does not heal. not today. maybe tomorrow. maybe it wont heal ever #smoke fills my chest . empty it can be #yet so full of your absence #im nothing but an empty husk of what I once was #and a big part of me was already forcefully ripped away from me when you left #hello hi im back with ghoap angst #can you believe its been a whole week since i drew them #anyways #gummmyart #doodle #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #soapghost #ghostsoap #angst #implied mcd

[kagoutiss]

din’s champion

#tloz #ocarina of time #oot #ganondorf #din #um #ganondin #…..does anyone here ship them ha. hahaha #i mean their whole thing is funny actually because she didnt even choose him but he managed to steal her triforce and #so then hes her ‘chosen’ by technicality. but with her virtue being power it’s maybe kinda one and the same #and anyway beyond that ​point i feel like she loves shaking him around like a mortal dog toy #but like in some way she also must have believed in him enough to give him Power in a different lifetime. so he’d survive his own execution #i;m just saying there is so much you can interpret about their relationship. despite her being #literally an unseen 4th dimensional being who is the embodiment of power and fire and change amd earth itself etc #like what do they think of each other. what does she think of this tiny mortal who somehow stole a piece of her and now theyre bound by it #take my hand walk w me thru mortal x god hyperdimensional traumatic power imbalance situationship. and youre both girls

[ccircusclwn]

smt smt finally finished playing melody of moominvalley....... uhhh yeah i found the woodies part very cute love those little guys!!

sm doodles bcs i needed to draw smt moomin related after finishing the game or i would explode

#my art #moomin #snufkin: melody of moominvalley #snufkin #moomintroll #how do you tag moomin characters i gen dont know #uhhh cant believe my moomin loving ways came back...... #i remember trying so hard to watch moominvalley (2019) bcs i do not live in the uk n stuff so i cannot watch it anywhere #love them!!! #i can finally sleep knowing i made moomin fanart #artists on tumblr #moomins

[paperclipninja]

*furtively glances side to side*

*cracks open the window*

*whispers into the wind*

Aziraphale didn't choose Heaven over Crowley

Aziraphale chose Heaven for Crowley

#good omens #crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow #i will also shout it from the rooftops btw #he is doing it in the hope he can make a difference #to the system #to the way things have always been #all the reasons they can't be an us #and he also still believes in the good of heaven I'm not arguing against that #but I believe he also saw it as a way to protect them and what they have #ineffable spouses

[miabrown007]

Félix: kidnapping is a love language Kagami: you have no social skills, idiot

*two weeks later*

Félix: okay, so when Marinette's at her most vulnerable, I'll gaslight her into thinking I'm her boyfriend, so she'll follow me into an abandoned building where we can put her in an altered mental state and present to her my family's life story in the imaginable most cryptic play of theater she has ever seen, which will reveal to her our horrible secret and the fact that her abusive father-in-law is also her arch-nemesis Kagami: you're so big brained, bae 🥰

#I LOVE THEM BUT GOD THAT WAS THE LEAST SELF-EXPLANATORY WAY TO GO ABOUT THIS #fucking theater kids /lh #miraculous ladybug #ml spoilers #ml representation #ml representation spoilers #maybe they do team up nicely with Marinette because can ever be simple sfdgdfhgjfhg #I'm so pumped for the final ohmygodddd #also did you know I wrote a story in highschool where the son of the villain revealed his family's true nature to the MC #in a cryptic fairy tale. where he assigned his father as the evil prince who moved into the king's family and married the pricess #who ended up comatose and waiting for revival? #the moral of the story is we're all insane here and I cannot believe I literally wrote 30k about this #and not have the gall to diss on feligami they are the MVPs fgdhjdfhgfjgk #also props for being so much more useful going about this whole thing than Luka <3

[bruciemilf]

One of my biggest pet peeves is the justice league being labelled as " The Avengers of DC" and its like. No? The avengers are law enforcement. The Justice League are volunteers

#its like -- captain america is the staple of US military and Superman is a public servant #the one avenger member who has no bounds or legal obligation is tony and its bc hes rich. you could argue that he actually lost #autonomy when shield recruited him because like. protection isn't necessary tied to 'good.' the avengers protect the planet bc sure #its what they believe in and feel like its their duty and yada yada but ultimately they're self serving and most of their #help is accidental. i say most of bc we've seen they abstain from getting involved unless they have a common interest #with dc its like. you have these people in a position of privilege (having superpowers -- which gives them a spot of advantage to ppl who #dont have it) who do the right thing because they WANT TO. and they can stop at any time because nothing stops them. #they COULD say 'yeah you're on your own. we don't really care anymore. duces!' but they Dont. #because through its many flaws dc realizes that goodness isn't only a choice -- its a responsibility #theres probably better ways to say this but. alas #batman #superman #wonder woman #green arrow #aquaman #the justice league #tjl #justice league #dc #dc comics #text #text post

[bookrat]

A pair of Scutellosaurus have a disagreement

#scutellosaurus #sculpture #paleoart #I didn't paint the first one looking on from the first pic #other sculptor wanted to do it so I said sure whatever just keep it simple cuz I want to make a flock of these guys #and I guess he didn't believe me or something cuz he went all out on it and I got stuck trying to match that nonsense #like what the fuck dude #anyway there's 3 now but what if I made 4 smaller juveniles to go with them #can I just have a giant flock of armor birds