#i am so tired. i am so fucking tired of effort not meaning anything bc i try and try and try and i still can't turn anything in

[mashmouths]

anyone want to pull an edna pontellier with me

#we realize that we're alive individual people with agency and sensations we can pursue but are trapped by societal expectations (originally #Heavily gendered but this was also like 150 years ago) but we cannot give up our newfound selves for the sake of our children like we're #supposed to so we strip naked on a beah like a newborn animal bare before god for the first time and swim out and drown #spoilers for 'the awakening' i guess sorry #to put this is modern terms does anyone want to pull a brian david gilbert 'and now i am going to throw myself into the sea' with me but we #don't come jogging soggily up the beach towards the camera at the end we just actually drown #sorry to once again be sad on main i just. i cannot keep having the same breakdown every 3 months! every quarter i have to re-realize 'oh i #probably don't actually want to die i just cannot in any circumstances keep living like this' and then i keep living like this #i am so tired. i am so fucking tired of effort not meaning anything bc i try and try and try and i still can't turn anything in #finals posting #anyway edna and adèle should've kissed who's with me. adèle comes over and watches edna's kids while she's out gallivanting and recognizing #her personhood like a good little wife but she also is the first person to welcome edna im and like connect personally with her? edna is a #lesbian but she died before she realized that was an option. hot take. #whatever i hope everyone has a fun and safe st. paddy's #a post

[chuuyasheaven]

RAAAAAAAAH idk if this counts as an ask but this specific scenario has been marinating in my mind for WEEKS and i think you might enjoy it :3c

to put it shortly ive been thinking of hot-headed reader who has trouble containing their temper (im not projecting whar do you mean) x chuuya (established relationship) that goes from angst to smut…. teehee

basically chuuya and reader begin arguing bc i hc that EVEN THOUGH CHUUYA IS EXTREMELY LOYAL AND DOTING TO THE ONES HE CARES ABOUT…. his temper often gets the best of him. Recently, chuuya had been very busy, and reader knew that, and continuously made an effort to help him in whatever ways they could, be it making dinner/lunch for him, offering to help with paperwork, etc. BUT thing is.. chuuya isn't really noticing this and treats them like a nuisance. He hasn't said anything outright insulting or upsetting, but he treats reader so differently, like he's silently blaming reader for his own temper and mood. He doesn't even call them by their nickname/petname anymore, everything feels so distant now.

So in an attempt to yk, NOT give up on their relationship, reader decides to confront chuuya about this in a calm manner, but he blindly lashes out and reader is NOT having ANY of it… cue a petty back and forth between him and reader, and reader gets out of the house to cool off and meanwhile chuuya finally comes to his senses. He tries to reason with reader when they come back, but they end up doing exactly what chuuya did to them, dismissing him and not accepting any form of half-assed apology. and so,,,,,, chuuya tries to make it up to reader,,,, if ikwym :3c

cue chuuya eating out reader like his life depends on it /jjj ((THIS IS SO LONG LMAO IM LITERALLY SOSORRY))

"You're not getting tired of me, are you?" // C. Nakahara

Summary. Recently, Chuuya has been kinda distant lately, mostly due to his work. This also resulted into you mostly overthinking— what if he isn't at the office all the time just like says? With this thought at the back of your mind, you tried to make an effort to be nice and caring as possible, only for Chuuya to decline the food you make him, denying any help you offer and barely spending time, which made the thoughts even more scary. When you can't take it anymore, you snap, at first he didn't get what your problem was until he thought about your earlier attempts. Now driven with guilt, Chuuya wants to assure you're the most important thing to him and makes up for his actions in the process.

Tags. Chuuya N. / afab! Reader, the summary pretty much already tells the story, angst to smut to fluff maybe, miscommunication, Reader prolly has anxiety, swearing, ooc! Chuuya, suspicions of cheating, Chuuya didn't notice at first but it's okay he'll make it up by licking pussy ^_^, might be cringe, short too idk, Reader might be KINDAAA based off me, petnames (baby, doll, darlin', sweetheart), oral sex (afab! receiving), praising, overstimulation? , p in v, who knows maybe i fucked up the ask and wrote smth else, for the first time ever porn WITH plot, might have a rushed end, might contain grammar errors, etc.

"Hey, Chuuya, wanna eat? I made your favorite!", you said with a nervous tone painted in your voice, which Chuuya didn't really notice. "No, baby, I can't. Sorry, maybe next time?", he answered without even exchanging looks with you, just doing his paperwork as if it was more important to him. It's been like this for several days already and you did nothing but trying to help Chuuya to make things easier, but he didn't budge. You slowly started to get annoyed and just walked away to eat by yourself, silently.

With all kind of negative thoughts which caused you to overthink. These "thoughts" didn't leave you alone since he's become more distant. What if he's losing interest? What if he's not always late in the office? Am I annoying him and a burden? After you finished eating, you just put his plate into the fridge and sat alone in your living room. Some while later, Chuuya came to see you for a few minutes before returning to work. He tired hugging you but you rejected it. Confused, he looks at you before asking. "What's wrong, doll?", did he seriously just ask you that? After pushing away for the— what? The millionth time for his work? At this innocent question you snapped, well, not really but you were beyond pissed.

When Chuuya told you that he was probably busy for the next days, you understood, at first. Knowing Chuuya, he could make some time for you in between, right? He was your really loyal, sweet and loving boyfriend, caring was he too, of course Chuuya should be able to make atleast a little time. And to his credit, he did, at first. He took breaks in which he spent time with you, cooking your food with you, and also other activities you guys normally do. But with time, Chuuya got more and more work and spent less and less time with you. You also understood at first, and trying to be a good girlfriend, you tried to take some work off his back by doing some paperwork with him, only to deny you. Don't get Chuuya wrong, he appreciated it, but he'd rather do it himself. You understood, leaving him be, but then he started to work late, staying behind in the office. That's when you started to overthink a little. You really didn't want to let you thoughts get to you, Chuuya is loyal and so loving he would never, right? Why was he even staying so late in the first place? Was it because you constantly asked him to help to the point he wanted to work in the office at work? These thoughts would slowly consume you later on, and instead of speaking with Chuuya about it, you kept it to yourself, you didn't want to annoy him anyways. It's been 3 days later and he didn't even say a single word to you, just work, work, work. Were you even Chuuya's top priority at this point? You just let him distance himself, in hope of him noticing your presence. All this did was make the situation worse, to the point where you cried yourself to sleep at night feeling unwanted. Did Chuuya finally notice? No, his head is still drowned in paperwork. "Chuuya, do you have time right now?" — "No. Go do something else, doll, I still have work left." His tone had some harshness to it, a hint of annoyance too. But maybe it was because of the stress because of work. "I could help him maybe.", you told yourself, you don't want him to overwork himself, has he even eaten today? "Well, maybe I could help with the paper—" — "You can't, so please go. I still have a lot left." — "But I could—" — "Just go, I'm busy. I can't really talk with you 'cause you're gonna distract me." What a reason, but you can't let him push you away now, can you? "Chuuya, please, I just wanna help you—" — "Just leave me the hell alone and do something else. Look, I love you for trying, I don't need your help the only this you're doing right now is distracting me." "If you say so." Was all you said before leaving his home office without saying another word.

That was the last time you talked to him during these days, but today, was the day you finally snapped at him for pushing you away all these days. And for what did he push you away? For trying to be nice and take some shit off his back? "What's wrong?! What's wrong is that you pushed me away for— what? A week and a half?!", you explained with anger behind your voice, which Chuuya wasn't familiar with. "Doll, I didn't push you away—", before he could speak you went on. "Stop with the bullshit. Whenever I tried helping with anything you always denied me! I can't do this anymore.", you said with a crack in your voice, now Chuuya slowly got pissed too, was it his fault for having an asshole of a boss?

"Do you think I want to do this? Who in the hell would participate in such work as a fucking joke?!", he said rather louder than you. "Your damn work seems to be more important that me, when was the last time you looked me in my face?", you stood up from the couch. "You wouldn't even know what to do!", "I could've if you took some fucking time to explain!", you shouted back, this is where Chuuya might have lost his temper. "Why the hell should I? You won't even understand when I tell you to leave! I'm sorry if the world doesn't fucking revolve around you, some people have other priorities?!", his voice got angrier and louder.

"Appearently I'm not your first priority, which is what I'm supposed to be?! I just wanted to spend time with you, but if I'm so fucking 'distracting' then I'll leave!", "Oh, so now you can take a damn hint?", he called after you tried to walk away. "What?", you stopped and turned around to face him. "Fuck you, then. I'm done, go do your work which is more important to me! All I was doing was to try—", "I don't give a fuck if you were "trying" shit! Just fucking don't because it won't matter anyway all you're being is annoying and desperate.", Chuuya shouted at you.

"So I'm annoying you now?", you said, your voice going quieter. "Yeah, with the way you were constantly up in my shit. You're not the most important thing right now, just stop trying to stress me more than you already are.", when he said that, you were facing the floor, fighting back the angry tears that were building up. "Alright, go do your work. I'll leave you to it.", you muttered, walking towards your door to take a walk. Chuuya just tsk'ed and went back to his room. It was quiet in the apartment, Chuuya was working on some papers left when he thought about your earlier argument. Wondering why you started it, he thought about what you said and slowly realized that what you said was true. He has gotten more distant, he was a little rude to you about leaving him alone and barely paid you and your attempts to help attention.

Knowing he probably fucked up in those past days, hurting your feelings and calling you 'annoying and desperate' probably caused the biggest guilt he ever experienced. Chuuya tried calling you but you hung up instantly. Okay, reasonable. The second time he called you took you're time to pick up. "Hey, baby—", "What do you want?", you asked coldly. "I thought you wanted to be left alone.", Chuuya could hear the pain in your voice. "Look, darling, you know I didn't mean what I said. It was the stress—", you really didn't wanna hear him right now, especially his excuses. "Sorry, Chuuya but I don't really wanna talk right now, since I'm annoying you anyways, talk to you later.", before getting another word out, you hung up. Chuuya just took deep sigh and thought of ways to apologize and make it up to you.

You first left at 6pm but returned at 8pm, you were a little tired after walking a lot so you looked forward to lay in your shared bed, alone again probably. You changed into Chuuya's shirt just like you have been these last several days for some missing closure, not forgetting your shorts before you sat on the bed to be on your phone. Not even five minutes later, the door creaked open, revealing Chuuya with a guilt driven face. "What?, you asked him once again. "Can we talk, please?", you just stared at him before nodding. He sat down on the bed, patting the space next to him, you moved to the edge of the bed to sit down next to him.

"I'm sorry,", Chuuya started. "I'm sorry for neglecting you these past days, didn't mean to make you feel like a burden.", "So you finally got the hint?", you ask sarcastically. "Baby, I mean it. I shouldn't have priotized my work over you and pushed you away during it. I never wanted to feel unimportant.", he held your hand now, gently caressing it. "The stress made me act this way probably and i shouldn't have lashed out at you. You forgive me?", your gaze was still as cold. Chuuya just pulled you close to him, finally after a week, this made you realize that you missed him more than you thought.

Chuuya stroked your back, kissing your forehead first, then your cheeks, and lastly, your lips— those lips he hasn't kissed for something which felt like an eternity. He just wanted to make it up to you one way or another. "Lay down, dollface, wanna make you feel good.", Chuuya said to you while he was holding your chin. "I haven't fully forgiven you yet, y'know that, right?", looking away while you said this, Chuuya just had to chuckle. "You're gonna when I'm done with you, trust me.", you rolled your eyes and just laid back like he wanted. Chuuya moved himself between your legs, removing the shorts and panties blocking his path and letting your legs hang over his shoulders.

"No need to tense up, pretty, jus' relax,", he whispered, pressing kisses to your thighs, never breaking eye contact. Those kisses started to get closer and closer to your cunt, which was waiting for his tongue. Once his mouth got to it's destination, Chuuya started his work. He ate you out like his life depended on it, but he made sure he won't make a big mess. You where quietly moaning, trying to not be heard by him. "Why so quiet, sweetheart?", he lightly teased, you just looked away again. "C'mon, look at me. I wanna make you feel good, remember that?", you looked back at him, your cheeks were slightly flushed and lust was filled in your eyes. Chuuya dived back in and kept his eye contact with you, looking at you while you try to bite down your moans. This only made him suck on your clit, which also broke your silence.

It didn't take long for you to finish with Chuuya looking at you while pleasuring you. As you came on his tongue, still breathing unsteady, Chuuya got up between your legs. "You're so perfect like this, darlin'.", he whispered before kissing you, you could loosely taste yourself on his tongue. While he was kissing you, he freed his cock out of his pants. Chuuya stopped kissing you for a second to insert his dick inside you. He stroked your folds with his tip to catch some slick and entered almost easily, as if your cunt was sucking him in. "Fuck, I forgot how good you felt around me. Forgive me for neglecting this perfect— oh, fuck!", he cut himself off by starting to thrust.

If you weren't loud earlier, you definitely were now. Chuuya was kissing you while being inside you, thrusting while his lips were on yours, whispering "I love you"s and apologies to you. "You're so good for me, fuck— I love you so much.", his thrusts got sloppier, meaning he was close. Your arms were thrown around his neck as you threw your head back, you could feel your upcoming orgasm. "Chuuya— shit, 'm so close, please don't stop!", "Wasn't planning on it, you feel way too good for that, baby.", as your cunt clenched down around him, he surprisingly moaned, instantly cumming inside you. He thrusted once more and that's when you came undone a second time.

"So. . did you change your mind, doll?"

@moth-of-mythos // @pretendtobesick04 // @alastors-deerest // @shi-nakano // @samutoru // @munnaitorei // @sjsnsidream // @shuwyyx // @skelitea // @xaviawinter // @cvidy // @cherrytreegrove // @skk-lover // @pe4rl-diver // @walking-simp

Sorry if ur tag didn't work 😕 also sorry if I fucked the storyline up

#chuuya'sheaven ♡ #chuuya nakahara #chuuya nakahara smut #chuuya smut #chuuya x reader #bsd chuuya #bungou stray dogs chuuya #bungo stray dogs smut #bsd smut #chuuya angst

[tinystepsforward]

i've still been keeping tabs on what's happening at automattic. a couple of things i've observed:

toni schneider (who is a man btw), the interim ceo, has been quite open with staff in ways that mean they generally seem relieved to have him leading the company for now. i've heard people speak optimistically about him from all parts of the spectrum (by which i mean: staff who are trans tumblr users right through to staff who are "anti-woke" or whatever and were absolutely intolerable to work with as a trans person), which seems like... a good sign? maybe.

this relative transparency includes things like weekly updates from an executive level, as well as openly saying that he did have to directly speak to matt and encourage him to, you know, stop posting.

matt is back to his usual milquetoast blogging, and replied to someone on mastodon about the AI issue saying he'd comment on it when he's back in may, so whatever toni said to him seems to have worked for him keeping out of it for now.

people have no idea what it's gonna look like when matt's back.

the best case scenario is that schneider manages to create a significant enough boost in morale and productivity that "it'd be nice if we just kept him" becomes a sentiment that isn't held just by the rank and file. i don't know how likely that is, but there's a sense of cautious hope and of making the most of this reprieve from matt's increasingly erratic decisions no matter what.

the tumblr staff statement was approved by schneider and hr, so i am also hopeful they won't face repercussions. what they said might seem pretty mild from the outside, or carefully worded, but it's pretty clear to me and to most people who've worked at companies like this that it's a pretty bold one.

i'll quote a friend:

keep reminding the more histrionic elements out there that: 1. there really are trans people, INCLUDING TRANS WOMEN, in the fight here. 2. we don't have nearly the power they seem to think we do. 3. we're fighting anyway. was the statement we wrote enough? fuck no. does it fix everything? fuck no. but we literally called out the CEO, and got the greenlight for it from the interim CEO. i don't know where this will end, but that's not nothing.

i'm not sure automattic deserves the immense honor of having this many of its brave, dedicated trans staff put effort into trying to make it better. but it has them, and it would be wise to do its best to keep them. so many of us — even me, even now — believe in the ideals that drew us to the work automattic does, and hope that it can return to them. we will see!

other things i want to say:

the wellbeing of my friends on staff is my priority. i am interested primarily in their safety, and won't pressure them to give me goss. the ways i've spoken publicly are already pretty scary to people who might worry about retaliation against them just for being known to be my friend.

this is a regular personal blog. i'll keep updating if there's shit to update about, but i also don't work at automattic any more (thank fuck, again), have a life, and am not interested in declaring matt my specific nemesis or otherwise acting purely out of spite.

some of youse really deeply do not understand companies, the internet, generative ai, or pretty much anything else i've said. that's okay — big tech in particular is fucked up on purpose bc it benefits those in power to have it be incomprehensible! but maybe it's not a great position from which to get mad at me specifically or at staff for idk not personally assassinating matt.

got tired of blocking transphobes so i've turned anons off. i'll probably flick them back on eventually.

#tony muses #tumblr meta #<- just for my blog's tag search

[verysickofthisshit]

i am very Tired of people ignoring how severely traumatized vi is. like ok i get it jinx is a lot more noticeably Not Okay, but r we seriously going to look at jinx say “omg her childhood was so traumatic” when vi took the brunt of a lot of their traumatic experiences in her earlier childhood?? 

vi at like 10-12 led her little sister on a bridge that was on fire and filled with enforcers and dead bodies to go find their parents only to stumble across her mothers fucking corpse (some ppl think that she witnessed their deaths but idk). bc their parents were now dead vi immediately assumed a parental role which caused her to lose more of her already stolen childhood in an effort to protect jinx. 

she held a lot of responsibility for a teenager and was assigned leader/parent to her siblings. most of what she did was to help her family and community. ive seen some people say that she kind of imprinted onto vander when they first see him meaning she adopted the kind of personality he had then. shes brash and blunt and willing to take all different manners of pain to protect her family. i would bet that theres a sense of fear of losing them because she lost her parents. vi feels guilty for really anything because she feels that leadership and responsibility with all of her friends and family. 

so not only is she putting herself in physical danger to protect her family but she also torments herself if she fails or slips up. then in a desperate effort to save her father figure who raised her and taught her and saved her, she finds out her little sister accidentally just killed their entire adoptive family. so she lashes out in one of the few ways she knows how which is physically. is it okay?? fuck no. but understandable? yeah. she literally lost everything in the span of minutes. then she turns around and finds out that the reason for all of this is her little sister who came along even though she was told not to. 

so its a matter of loss of control and a loss of family and crushing guilt because she failed to protect them. i think something that really stands out too is how in ep 1 or 2 vander gives vi the whole leadership lecture “you say light a fire they show up with oil” which is essentially “you are responsible for the outcomes of your leadership decisions” the whole effort to save vander was coordinated by vi. this rescue mission ended with her and powder being the sole survivors of her family. 

then she’s thrown into prison at 14-17 until she is in her early or mid twenties. in stillwater she is physically and psychologically abused for six straight years. her sole outlet for all her guilt and grief is anger. so she builds a reputation for herself knowing there is no end of her sentence in sight and with the crushing fear that her little sister, who she hurt and abandoned (in her mind), is dead. she brutalizes other inmates and lands herself into solitary confinement often. 

then when she’s broken out she experiences a sort of culture shock with how much the lanes have changed, the shimmer problem worsening, and the way the last drop has gone from welcoming and gruff to barred off and threatening. she expresses herself in her go to coping mechanism which is beat the shit out of other people and getting the shit beat out of herself. she learns that her little sister is still alive but is working for silco. 

there HAS to be a level of betrayal and anger in that. i don’t believe it overrides her sheer relief and hope at the knowledge of her little sister being alive, but i believe its still very much there. silco cultivated the environment in which their family was slaughtered, took over their childhood home, and corrupted the undercity with swathes of shimmer. 

i looked away from my screen and stopped hyperfocusing uh.. im gonna finish this off the best i can but im stupid and i hear every noise now.

moving beyond into act 3 where do we even fucking start. okay, her sister shooting her?? terrifying. it is very hard for vi to understand just how much jinx has changed over the years. then believing to witness her death, you can see in the council scene just how apathetic she has become. 

the tea party scene and leadup i think are the scariest scenes in the show. jinx is clearly drugged out from her slow and borderline slurring voice. she puts vi in a very vulnerable situation that demands full trust from her, while she does get that in jinx’s eyes (from my opinion) vi hasn’t fully passed the test. vi is literally forced to choose between killing caitlyn (someone she has become very emotionally attached too) and leaving jinx (her little sister who she thought was dead for years). this is so traumatic i cannot believe ppl are glossing over this. my brain is loud and i cant think anymore but like... so tired of ppl not really paying attention and seeing how traumatized so many of the characters are and instead focusing so heavily on jinx. yes jinx is the heart of the show, yes she is incredible mental illness representation, yes she is a fantastic fucking character, but she is not the only one.

#vi #arcane #shes so traumatized its not even funny #character study #i guess #i just lost my fucking mind into the post editor or whatever tf u call it in a hyperfocused state and woke up with this shit

[neptunejheart]

I really used to let insecure people get to me when standing in my power. I forgive myself for that. If you're intimidated by my energy, I don't really care. That ain't got anything to do with me. Imma stand 100% in who I am.

I mean, I get it. I used to be insecure too and I definitely used to be a hater when I was insecure as fuck. I healed and built myself up. It's not impossible. It just takes time & effort. It's about dedicating to yourself. I am not always perfect either. I fuck up sometimes too. It's part of life. Do you know how many times I gave up and had to get over victim mentality?!? A lot. Shit, I still struggle.

I was a victim for a huge period of my life so I know how hard it is to pull yourself out of that bc I was actually a victim to fucked up shit. I had to empower myself or else I would've continued on the same path over and over. I got tired of suffering & had no choice but to get over the victim lifestyle.

Again, it takes patience, time, effort, & commitment. I still sometimes bitch about things however I always bring myself back to constantly empowering myself. It is possible to free yourself. It's a practice. Ya just gotta start and keep going.

Don't give up on yourself.

#my life #about me #growth mindset #victim mentality #progress #healing #recovery #self help #love #self love #self reflection #loassumption #loa #self confidence #confidence #spirituality #motivation #encouragement #empowerment #self empowerment #cptsd recovery #actually cptsd

[saint-batrick]

state of the bat:

i am at the point of hanging out with a diclofenac patch on my jaw bc if i can't get the swelling to start going back down, i'm gonna need to go to the ER again.

the pain is beyond brutal, i don't really get to chew anymore, and i would actively murder basically any of you for opiates at this point so i can eat a full meal.

i am literally fantasising about nerve block injections directly into my jaw.

i am not thankful. i am not chipper. i am not cheerful. it is all my effort to not be actively mean right now.

i miss my dead mother and our home that i should still be living in.

if you can give me opiates, nerve blocks, or kill me and dump my body at mom's old house, come through! you will be the most welcome addition to my week since i found my meds for the genital herpes outbreak i am having. on top of the yeast infection. because steroids and weapons grade antibiotics and a deeply fucking entrenched jaw infection has my entire immune system on the fritz. it's fun!

if you have pretty art, pet pics, poems, kind words, whatever, please slide them this way. i will kill you last for opiates with this tribute.

if you expect me to do anything that involves hearing sounds, i will murder you first. unless you want to be murdered. then i will ensure you a long, long life. whatever.

if you wanna fuckin burn something down, get the incident named after me.

and if you do like. prayers. or positive energy. or whatever you call it. keep me in 'em. because y'all, i am dangerously tired at this point.

for legal purposes, i am probably not serious about the fire thing. probably.

[xslytherclawx-writes]

hi hi for the director's commentary thing, i know it's from a few years ago but i really love enough contrition to spare so if you have anything you'd like to share about that fic i'd love to know!!

oooh yes!!! i absolutely ADORE that one! one of my favorites!!!

this got really long, so. cut.

so I wrote it for Heart Attack Exchange, which is 10k minimum in 2 weeks, and I think I wrote it in like four days? in a fugue state. that means much of the creative process has been completely lost to that fugue state lol

because it was for an exchange, it was written for a recipient - kirby is a LOVELY recipient to write for, and they have so many ideas I always love (I wrote for them for Heart Attack this year, too). I definitely tailored it to their likes (and the kitten at the end was 1000% a surprise for them bc they love cats).

but exchanges are not 1:1 "write me exactly this scenario" (that's a good way to get a gentle email from the mods), so I took their request (canon divergence, Harry raised by others, focus on a minor character) and ran with it.

Astronomy goes wayyyyyyyy back to when I'd RP Regulus in high school lol - I'd put astronomy as his favorite subject because I was so tired of everyone assuming Slytherin = Potions. Besides, it makes sense, right? (I don't think that comes up in any of my other Regulus fics haha - maybe the one I wrote for Tavina for Battleship). Astronomy also gave me the chance to have him do things during the day to push the plot (and emotional beats).

Evan is generally my choice for pairing Regulus in non-Ravenclaw AUs when I want the relationship to be (approaching) healthy, or equitable, or when I want Regulus to be the one with more power in the relationship. (fwiw I mean, I don't think Regulus would have been hurt in a relationship with Evan in Ravenclaw AU - Evan is a different matter entirely tho of course). This [also] goes wayyyyyy back to like 2008?ish? when a fanartist I really liked paired them together - and specifically the brand of Evan being dedicated to Regulus, regardless of Regulus's degree of investment.

(Barty (the "hurt Regulus" choice) would've been a very bad match for this specific fic, particularly as Regulus sells him out, and I didn't want that much angst - besides, Kirby didn't particularly want unhealthy relationships.)

Evan is also someone who doesn't quite become disenchanted with ~The Cause~, so that gave me a source of tension between them: Regulus has spent the past two years learning that Muggleborns are human beings and that the war is an absolute waste run by a madman who wants to install himself at the top of a totalitarian regime (the latter he woke up to in 1979, but like, it's really driven home by horcrux hunting). Evan's line about being at each other's throats is Evan making it clear that he knows where Regulus stands and doesn't agree.

As for the brothers - well, I just modded a fest for them lol (or am in the middle of? last fic has been revealed but we're still anonymous), so naturally I wanted there to be some focus on their relationship. Regulus enlisting his family to get Sirius a trial is an idea I really love, mostly because Sirius would really fucking hate it - but would it work? Regulus is more pragmatic than Sirius, who has Morals.

But you can't fix estrangement in a matter of days - Regulus makes his effort (as prickly as he may be during it), and Sirius doesn't know what to do with this new, reformed version of his little brother. In the end, Sirius trusts him to take care of a vulnerable creature just as Sirius is taking care of a vulnerable person (baby Harry).

Also, if you squint, there's a Max cameo at the Ministry scene. I couldn't help myself lol (and Regulus turning Barty & Bella & the Lestranges in saves Frank and Alice! butterfly effect!)

Narcissa serves explicitly as a surrogate maternal figure for Regulus, despite their closeness in age. She genuinely loves him and wants the best for him (misguided though she may sometimes be), fusses over his marriage prospects, and will probably one day accept his change of allegiance - and forgive him for turning in Bellatrix. One day. Probably.

Regulus hasn't quite disentangled himself from his old life (and isn't sure whether he wants to, especially regarding Narcissa), so he goes to Christmas at her home to be surrounded by love and affection.

I'm not sure if / when Regulus finally moves on from Evan in this universe, because the firewhisky obviously signals that Evan is still thinking about him – still loves him, despite everything.

Also, again: cats. Can't go wrong with cats.

#ask box #ask meme

[yunmengtrio]

🌟 get to know people game 🌟

tagged by @godblessyoublackemperor !

current time: 8:58pm

Anything you've been doing lately: well i just got back from spending a month in australia seeing family for the first time in three years! i got to spend a pretty decent amount of time with my mum and dad each (they're divorced and live pretty far from each other). i also got to see my dad's new house! or, new to me i guess. he moved into it not long after i left for japan so i never got to see it. it's a really cute house, around 100 years old (but renovated) and idk! it's just cute. it was hard saying goodbye, but i've decided to make more of an effort to visit next year, even if that means taking more frequent, but shorter trips. i doubt my work will let me take another month off like that lol.

Anything you intend to do later: um i am about to go rack up some massive z's bc i am exhausted. i had an awful time w/ the flights yesterday/today, both because of my own misplanning and the airport just fucking shit up. other than that, i'll go to work tomorrow, maybe do a little grocery shopping, and then perhaps meet up with a friend on sunday to catch up.

Anything you recently watched or played: i watched the entirety of the tgcf donghua on the plane last night which was nice. i'd been rereading the novel as well so it was fun having a little visual version of it. i also started watching the anime my happy marriage which just started on netflix this week. it's a bit grim at times but having read the manga i know what to expect from it ig. while i was with my dad i watched cardinal and the bridge, both crime dramas bc my dad loved them, and they were quite good, if you're into that kind of thing. we also watched silent witness and vera but those were rewatches so they don't count.

Anything you want to watch or play: i want to play more of tears of the kingdom, since i didn't end up playing it much while i was away. by the time i got the peace and quiet to play, i was already tired, so i would read instead. so i want to play that a little more. i'm taking recommendations for shows to watch though! if you have any pls tell me... i will give them a go provided they're on jp netflix

aaaand i'll tag @alhaithams @chiomaus ! no pressure to do it ^^

#keep tagging me in these i like them #love a good chat

[ritualofthehabit]

I’ve decided that I’m getting off psych meds soon. This is a lil terrifying given that I have the scary psychosis type of mental illness and not like uwu anxiety or whatever but I can’t do it anymore! With meds I mean. My “stable” antipsychotic that I’ve been taking for about three years turned on me recently - side effects of dizziness and fainting and unshakeable suicidal thoughts - I had to get three stitches after fainting and hitting concrete - and I’m sick of going thru so much effort to try and keep my meds stable while on poor people state insurance that fucks me and doesn’t always provide. I’ve involuntarily and unexpectedly been off my meds like…. Almost 10 times in the last couple years which is always Terrible emotionally and often leads to physical withdrawals - the other night I woke up and vomited profusely - and I’m sick of it. Yes the meds help but if I crash and burn just as frequently as I would not taking them then why am I doing this? Why am I constantly arguing with MediCal and my pharmacy? Why am I jumping through endless hoops and still with less support than I need? today I start back on a quarter dose of my antipsychotic and I told my psych that if I experience side effects I’m not going to try anything else. I also told her that even if it does work, I’m frustrated and tired of being on medication tbh and want to get off gradually. im not a firm believer in modern psychiatry tbh. I’m on fairly neutral ground bc I’ve had meds help me a lot and therapy help me a lot. But I don’t resonate with diagnoses and treatment very much, this “you’ll always be ill and you’ll always take a pill” vibe. I don’t go to therapy anymore bc I’m a “difficult client” for setting boundaries with complete strangers (pro tip: therapists don’t like that! They don’t like to be reminded that their professional experience doesn’t mean JACk to you and that you don’t have a relationship at all) and I HATE DBT/cognitive ball torture etc I think it’s wack.

also ngl the person who convinced me most that I was “crazy” and like. Needed to be fixed or something was my ex and they were firmly interested in controlling my life. They literally tried to convince me to go to the psych ward n shit… NEVeR. Btw that person is studying to be a therapist 😂🔪

[system-of-a-feather]

hey are you japanese? bc riku is a japanese name im p sure, and thats a closed culture. /info/nm

sorry if im misunderstanding!/gen

I was considering not responding to this solely on the base that it's a complex practical-focused discussion we've had in our system over it in balancing out a number of factors that would tie into our nuanced views regarding the internet and closed culture names (we are half Chinese/Indonesian with our own Chinese name) and I wasn't sure if I really wanted to put that effort / risk bringing up discourse that I know a lot of white people would jump in on.

So with that being said, if you are not of a closed culture, don't even bother commenting on this post or sending an anon, your opinion means nothing and I'm really tired of seeing white people join this discussion and/or talking over those that aren't. That said, if you are Japanese or of another closed culture, feel free to communicate in good faith about this. It's a topic we have thought on a lot and our principles for this nuanced situation is principles we'd put out to others (including white people), but we are one opinion and one person and I'd be interested in hearing others perspectives.

But anyways, to the proper answer.

No, we are not Japanese but beyond online spaces, we don't use the name "Riku" on the account that we 1) have our own Chinese name 2) It's cringe for me - someone not Japanese - to expect someone to call me a Japanese name, super weeby, super disrespectful 3) why? its not mine and its weird. We don't introduce ourselves with it and entirely transitioned in practically all settings to our irl Chinese name (its also a chosen name since #Trans and fuck hyper female names)

With that being said, the name "Riku" comes from it being my old username on an anonymous website similar to this and has largely since been more of a placeholder username for anonymity purposes than it is a proper name. I've largely wanted to switch away from it in online spaces because I do feel a bit uncomfortable having people refer to me as such, but at the same time, the alternative is going by the name I go by IRL which is a security / safety hazard since I am the part that shares the name with the body.

With the balance of anonymity and this overall issue, considering we only use it in anonymous spaces and treat it like a username or a tumblr url - that much like any other website here its implied that you are referencing the character in context of "this is a username" and all, I don't see the massive harm. Is it unideal and still a part of the problem to some degree? Yeah. But at what point is someone on a website using IchigoKurosaki41 and this a drawn line?

Either way, I am of the (soft, ie open to changing my mind) opinion that so as long as it isn't being used irl and in face to face environments and once friends go from "anonymous to non-anonymous" that the name is shifted over and thus treated and handled like a username (something that protects anonymity), that it is fine.

The other statement of the matter would be that I could just come up with a different online name / username which would be a fair commentary, but considering its a name I only use online, we've come to the general opinion that it's more hassle than its worth since we don't really much see the damage as anything more than talking about a username with a character name in it, or talking about an OC with a name from a closed culture and find it hard to be motivated to find a fitting alternative online-only name short hand.

And I guess in a TLDR clear statement of my current standing soft opinion on the matter, I don't personally think it is a huge issue for online anonymity protecting names that are used and handled like online usernames to be based on a character or whatever is naturally developed from username. The large issue in closed names, in my opinion, comes when the person has people they know in person, in face to face, and irl use it as a >name< because in that case it comes with large disrespect and insult.

We largely have soft opinions on the matter cause we very much do understand and do not like people stepping on the toes of closed culture names, and we just come to this opinion based on how we would feel if a white person were in the same situation and only went by the name Xiao, Yuan, or Ji or similar chinese names. If people of closed cultures have opinions and thoughts on the matter, I'd be open to hearing and holding discussion if it good faith.

In the end though, if this topic / discussion becomes too negative / of bad faith / into a "debate" or just generally taxing on our peace, we'd probably just stop discussing it since we use this blog as a hobby chatting area and don't see the topic important enough to stress about it all day.

So anyways, feel free to join the conversation on this nuance if you are 1) of a closed culture 2) want to DISCUSS and not DEBATE or DISCOURSE.

-Riku (Host)

#alter: riku #ask #asks #closed culture #closed culture names #cultural appropriation tw #discourse #discourse tw #i hope i don't regret this #putting this out here in benefit of doubt that POC on tumblr are able to either ignore or engage in healthy positive discussion of nuance #cause i was on the fence if I'd rather keep my silence and plead the fifth on my opinion that is somewhat controversial #or if I'd open up discussion on a topic that is often not discussed in nuance and instead absolutes #I think its a nuanced situation #and I think its talked in too little nuance

[polyamorouspunk]

I'm thinking of getting a tattoo related to picnic at hanging rock but i'm transmasc and soooooo tired of people trying to prove to me that i'm a girl.

like i'm thinking i might get a pocket watch (frozen on 12) in the middle of a spiders' web with all sorts of insects around it but i feel like it needs some finishing touches. also i'm thinking of getting an armband tattoo with colourful mushrooms on it (like i'm reaching through a faery ring) but holy mother of fuck am i nervous and i don't want my family to ask what they mean bc i want to like them once i've got them.

also idk how expensive tattoos are. does it ever feel like the right time to get your tattoo? are they gonna be like 'what are you gay?' and refuse to do it? i feel like i just don't know enough abt tattoos.

how many tattoos do you have? are they big? did it hurt?

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Picnic_at_Hanging_Rock_(film)

1. Personally I’ve never had anyone ask what my tattoo “means”. My best friend literally has a tattoo of a “possopede” or however she spells it of basically a possum centipede for literally no other reason other than “it looked cool”. “It looked cool” is usually enough of a reason for most people. Or “Idk why not”. If they ask where it’s from, most tattoo places have a book of suggested designs which you can say it came from, like her possopede.

(Credit to Witch House Tattoo, which is where she goes to get her tattoos, they have more weird and wonderful looking things if you’re interested in their Instagram)

2. Obviously tattoo prices range. Someone mentioned to me they knew someone who did any tattoo under a certain size for $50. That’s a good price. Mine was $100 and I paid a $10 tip.

3. Does it ever feel like the right time?

I think no. I was talking about getting a tattoo for a while but it wasn’t something I was putting conscious effort into. Someone I was seeing was having a rough day so I asked what I could do for him and he said he wanted to get a tattoo so I said okay we’ll go get tattoos tomorrow after I’m done at work. I decided in the car ride there what I wanted and got it a few hours later. I like it more now than I did when I got it originally. I mean I loved it then but it has grown on me like a familiar relationship. I don’t really care that we didn’t end up getting tattoos but even if I had gotten one I would have loved it just because it’s there, but also I’m like a bit happy I didn’t get it because I’m particular about what I like and I don’t think what she likes lines up with what I like and working with someone else to get a matching tattoo can be hard when you have different styles. Witch House Tattoo is know for a really thick line art style and that’s not something I’m into. When there’s infinite possibilities like getting a tattoo sometimes for me narrowing down and focusing on one area can help to decide on concrete ideas, so I’m personally only sticking to minimalistic thin line art with no color for my tattoos. I would make an exception to get something with someone else though obviously. I now just have money for a tattoo that’s not doing anything so I feel like I might as well just get another one when I get home so I can put that cash money to good use.

4. Did it hurt?

Towards the end I started getting uncomfortable, yeah, and this area of my hand isn’t a sensitive spot, so the idea of getting one where I want it next which is on my inner wrist which is a more sensitive spot is a bit scary yeah because it did hurt, but like the pain is temporary so.

5. Are they going to refuse to do it?

I mean witch house tattoo literally has bondage tattoos in their suggested tattoo book so like. Most places are going to have 0 problem with a gay tattoo. The kind of people who work in tattoo parlors are freaks and weirdos. Also what kind of tattoo you have has 0 connections to what gender you are. People who think your tattoo = you being a girl are going to think that for other reasons whether or not you have a tattoo.

[pukner]

Holy shit? Holy shIT! HOLY SHIT! My dude, my beloved! Off the beaten path blew my tits right off! (Hey, no need for surgery, thanks!) I'm not even upset with the cliffhanger, cause, just, idk man, it was so god damn beautiful and gorgeous and so fucking heart breaking! I just have a lot of feelings right now and I want you to know that I love and appreciate your talent, effort, and time that you have given to make such a freaking great story. I love it, I love you, and I love our poor damaged monster hunters. I hope they get their shit together, but in the mean time I am thoroughly enjoying the traumatic journey getting there. Thank you, ily! ❤️

P.S. I love your/this Steve, I'm tired of just reading stories where he is too stupid or oblivious to know anything about himself without someone telling him, especially Robin. Like they share a braincell, they are soulmates, they are absolutely on the same level learning about themselves and the world together. She doesn't have to be his gay Yoda or the instigator of his realizations or relationships all the time! Sometimes people are just a teenage lesbian from a small town that can't drive, and also your best friend! And that's okay! Anyway, thanks again!

hey, hon, in so sorry for not replying because I GENUINELY thought I did ages ago; bc I remember looking at the last point and going like YES THAT.

I love the idea of friends helping each other through the journey of self discovery or whatever, but idk the idea that Robin has to do a Queer 101 for him, in every iteration. It's nice! But also. Especially the idea that he could never understand his own feelings without being walked through it? Doesn't sit Great with with me tbh.

also I'm so happy you like the story, cliffhanger nonwithstanding! I hope the the series continues to make you feel things in the future, and also I'm glad you no longer need top surgery sfhjkhl

#looth yells #asks

[gunkbaby]

Cringe OC X Canon Character shipper gives unwanted opinion on subject they do not care abt, for a fandom they are no longer a part of:

From an outsider pov, my takeaway from seeing 6 yrs of tokyo ghoul ship discourse is this:

It’s complicated.

There are a lot of components, lots of complexities to each popular ship, and a lot of parties make good points, but said points are devalued by general cattyness and the fact some of y’all cannot keep ur chill.

Look, I don’t care about shipping. Monogamy makes me physically ill, and I just. Don’t see the appeal. Tokyo Ghoul was always about non-romantic relationships more than the platonical ones from my POV. So who tf am I to suddenly post about this?

Well. Discourse does pop up on my twt tl sometimes and it’s irritating and I have thoughts, which I wanna give now, bc i feel this way a lot, and if this post is nothing but a ramble to get it off my chest, then be it so. I really don’t care.

So. My honest opinion on tg shipping is :

although monogamy as a whole makes me uncomfortable, and I dislike certain th ships bc I don’t feel they’d be unhealthy and i want the best for my bby boy -

i honestly think we should just…let people live.

If people enjoy or take comfort in a harmless ship then I dont think anyone has the right to take that away from them. If you’re not going after anyone else, and if the ship isn’t like, involving incest or children, etc, then i dont see anything rly wrong with it. And I don’t think anyone has any right to try and take that from anyone.

I dont like that tokyo ghoul shipping has become this horrible thing that - as a sort of outside member of the community- i have felt uncomfortable with and afraid of.

isnt shipping about love? the childlike whimsy of making two barbies kiss? why don’t i feel any of that love from shipping communities? why does it instead feel catty and petty and violent?

I’ve said before but, loving something is not a competition, and if you treat it like a competition, you’ll just fight with whoever forever.

If no one’s hurting you, and you’re not hurting anyone - then i don’t understand why you can’t just love your ship.

Yes, by all means, defend it when people come at you, but at the end of the day : this is just the adult equivalent of making two barbies kiss. The kid in the corner making different barbies kiss is likely no lesser or better than you, you don’t need to fight over who gets what doll, why you deserve it more, etc - there are enough dolls for everyone!

I’m tired of the hatred in this community. This fandom is dead as is, and even though I’ve chosen to distance myself from most of the greater fandom, I don’t want more people to feel pushed out of it because of a fucking ship. And it’s like, I’ve seen bad behaviour from basically every ship in tg - from people randomly deciding to say awful, bigoted things about characters, to actual people - all because they like a different ship.

It’s ridiculous. If y’all wanna hate on me for this post, then fine, but I am so consistently disheartened by the lack of kindness in this community. It’s exhausting, and just writing this ramble has been exhausting, because y’all really will just go and bully someone for shipping touken, or hidekane, or whatever - it’s not that deep. It’s not that big of a deal. Your ship is special to YOU. No one can or should try to take that away from you, but that has to work both ways.

Just be kind u guys. That’s literally all. It’s not always easy to make the kindest choice, or choose the kindest words, but it is worth the effort. Just be nicer to each other, please.

#im tired #watch me get absolutely fookin flamed now lol #discourse #tw shipcourse #i hate this why did i write this #i literally dont care #i onlt ship si and ocs wtf #bye lol #gunk

[sukibenders]

yeah the two little bitter betty Edwina stans you fuck with love Kate so much they constantly wish and revel in the idea that Kate and therefore Simone will be shafted in future seasons and publicity of the show, those silly little immature mean girls who giggle as they pat each other on the back for coming up with the name “kantoni” to talk about kanthony like I’m sorry but you are the company you keep and you keep company with dumb bitches who subtly and overtly hate on Kate and by extension Simone oh but you’re all just so misunderstood, you’re all so fair in your criticisms, it’s all bullshit and y’all know it. The root of your problem isn’t Kate, it’s that she’s a widely adored character despite your best efforts and wishes, I know it eats y’all up inside.

Man somebody really pissed in your food because now you're coming up with shit that I have, and other Edwina fans that I talk with, never said. Like where are you getting this information from? Because it surely is not on my blog. And "Kantoni"? Did you just make that up for some point of yours? Because it's always been "Kathony", but if you were really a fan of the ship you would know that. And where have I ever said that I want Kate or Simone sidelined? Like that's a weird thing to say, especially because there's no proof of that anywhere on my blog. Unless you see me making headcanons about Edwina, most of which have her living a life of her own and in no way overshadowing Kate (but getting that through your head sounds tiring), so it mainly seems like anything that involves liking Edwina is a problem for you. Oh well, it'll continue to be if you keep stalking my page 🤷🏾‍♀️.

And you're really one to talk about "silly mean girls" when you're in my inbox, anonymously, and spreading misinformation while also calling me names. Idk about you, but that itself screams mean girl to me so....do what you will with that. I could be wrong, but you sound oddly similar to another hateful anon that I received earlier. I could be wrong but still....🤔.

And, as you said I am the company I keep, most of whom have been nothing but nice and actually have better communication skills than you (eg. not sending hate to others through anon, but rather actually talking things out, etc). And most of the things they have said about Kate have, surprise surprise for you mainly, involved 1.) giving her more plot and justice than the show 2.) having connections with her family (including her sister and Mary bc you guys like to include them but go off ig) and more, but you and others like you, the company you keep per your words, wouldn't know that. You make it your job to be hateful to random people, but then use it as the guise of defending a character who wasn't even being as torn apart as you believe.

It isn't that hard to criticize and love a character at the same time. Also, maybe this is just me, but if you don't like the things that I say or whatever wouldn't it make more sense to just block me and carry on? Wouldn't that seem less stressful than what you're doing now? To each their own.

#anonymous #anon

[lostacelonnie]

It sure is the new year & somehow im still tired and way busier than i would like. So uh. Sorry this took me a bit to get to. The first time i read your response i thought you'd said you were watching bocchi which confused me because you had already. But im glad you are enjoying bofuri. She's such a chaotic disaster character. Ohh i think i feel you on that my brother in law & i have like. Opposing autism vibes & coexisting with him when we share apace is exhausting. I hope school is going well for you! Yeah like. Honestly sometimes ill chat with people at a theater but mostly just. Please do not. Im just there for a film. Love the communal effort to just. Understand your teacher what a time that must be. My parents did teach to cook a bit. I learned spaghetti & a basic taco recipe from them. But i learned a lot from there so i had a bit of a spring board to go off. I hope you have a fun time learning to cook stuff i enjoy it immensely. Even with all the dishes it can make. Honestly schools are just. Weird if anything. Liminal space adjacent but in a way neither good or bad. Im sad i missed getting to pull her i want ruan mei but due to bad storms my internet was out, which also contributed to late response, for the last days of her banner. So i have to save for her re run. I am so normal about her & stelle(lying). I finally finished the argenti quest but had to level & gear himeko & welt. Got kafka on my console account from her banner & it gave me e1 bailu when i hoped for clara. Ohh so its like a character growth/change type thing. As the story progresses & they change they gain new herscherr forms. I think if my understanding is right. Or right as it can be for something not fully explained? I miss manaria & the gang already. Can only tide myself over with other villainess shows til it returns. Or i read more. Dungeon meshi at least has an airing anime adaptation now which means i can see my favorite fail girl marcille in animation. I will remember that & look to the community for help as needed if i pick noita up thank you for the tip. I too want himeko to be fine & alive so i sympathize with the hi3 fans. I dont remember if she's getting off on penacony or not if thats been said. But penacony definitely has some characters i want. Oh okay damn i always wondered about her floating. So thats one mystery solved. Wait seele has just. Basically a good dog aura? Oh so kiana mei & bronya have the most extensive lore? What about uh. Durandal? I feel like ive seen that particular polish phrase before whats it mean?

HI HELLO its been 20 years which im SO FUCKING SORRY about...... my life has decided to just Not give me a break recently. and understandable akdfkgjksj i should really continue watching it but ah.... so busy. and Tired all the time. actually got to skip school today bc i was so sleep deprived i thought i was sick but then i slept for another 4 hours and i feel so much better now. should be studying [have 8 exams coming up until the end of february.......] but i also Need to chill for a bit. agghhh. and oh understandable!! it really is just like that sometimes. school, as i said, is. psychologically torturing me but im actually not in that much pain so yeah!! and thanks also. i hope my teachers let us catch a break soon. at least ive recently picked up baking to destress so at least im not about to become the joker. and REAL LIKE i also dont mind talking with people in public places from time to time but i usually just wanna mind my own business. and yeah its SO funny but also im surprised how nice all my classmates are about helping others. like. if we had to cooperate to create a message with my old classmates everyone would just instantly start making fun of each other for not knowing something. OOOH COOL....... when i have more time i should learn to make some spanish dishes. went to gran canaria with my mom recently and god ive missed their cuisine SO much. god yeah schools are like another dimension to me ngl. they work based on different rules then the rest of the world. AND AUUGHGH PAIN...... good luck with getting her on future reruns tho!!! same with being Totally Normal. and hey congrats on all that!!! i also ended up doing argentis quest and luckily didnt have time with fighting him thanks to clara who makes it extremely easy. generally shes always carrying me. finally got to trailblaze lvl 65 and i only have my clara team at lvl 80 rn so i should probs work on kafka etc but i hate grinding mats...... hell on earth. oh well. and yeah more or less!!! tho it also depends on the person and circumstances, as some people will get new authorities, some will kind of. get closer to their current one? and some people might even give up their herrscher authorities with time. but yeah honkai loves to retcon itself so its kinda blurry sometimes. I MISS EVERYONE TOOOOOO and i started watching reborn as a villainess some time ago but ah. didnt have time to continue. i ALSO started watching dunmesh and ALSO didnt have time to catch up with it but im SO excited for it bc ive only watched 3 eps but love it already. if you ever Do pick up the game then good luck!! its as brutal as it is fun to play. himeko protection squad forever....... i should finish penacony when i get the time and motivation. wasnt too interested in any chars at first but acheron stole my heart....... so would sparkle if she wasnt so Racist for no reason. yes seele Does have a good doggy aura SHDKFJKS even The Great Herrscher Of Sentience cant say no to her. shes so sweet and i love her. and yeah basically!!!! since theyre effectively all the protags, even if kiana is the "main" one. AND I WILL VERY EXCITEDLY TELL YOU LITERALLY ALL DURANDAL LORE AS I KNOW IT BY HEART BUT ALSO LITERALLY DONT HAVE ENOUGH ENERGY TO WRITE IT ALL DOWN RIGHT NOW SO ILL TRY TO GET THAT DONE BY YOUR NEXT MESSAGE. so well both have time to write our respective stuff. and oh polska gurom is a misspelled version of polska górą [since its pronounced almost the same] which more or less means poland on top. its used ironically most of the time and i LOVE saying it

#once again IM SORRY I TOOK SO LONG TO RESPOND but im just. trying to survive recently......... #asks #pen pals

[moving-to-dreamwinged]

vent SORRY FOR THE CRYTYPING😭😭😭😭 it’s tough out here

i feel ill man why is everything so hard. why does it take five fucking seconds for my entire mood to snap into something terrible when i felt amazing just moments before. why am i so full of ugliness and why do i never say or do or feel the right things. what is wrong with meeee why do i hate myself to the point of nausea every time i look in the mirror . why do i only feel proud of myself when im limiting my food. why do i think i can do all these things and not be scared at all but then get fucking terrified like anyone would and have to hide it from everyone. all this to only ever be second best or sometimes not even that!!! people just take and take and take with no regard for how hard you’re trying and how much the littlest things mean to you and how much they could just ruin your day with just one action and ofc it’s not their job to worry about what will trigger me or hurt me but it just really sucks ya know!!!! everything takes so much effort for me bc of the trauma and the lack of social skills and the anxiety and depression and the etc etc etc but no one understands!! so much of my life is just me trying to appear normal but you never get credit for that because everyone just Is normal. and im not saying i deserve anything or im entitled to something good for trying to fit in i just hate how unforgiving it all is and im so tired and sick i just want to feel good consistently for once . everyonr keeps on hurting me and even when they dont i just get so anxious no matter wgat its all so hard. auhffggghhhhhhhh fuck

#.mei chats #.vent #tw ed mention #cw ed mention #cw anxiety #tw anxiety #cw depression #tw depression #cw ptsd #tw ptsd