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onyourowndaisymae · 1 year

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obey me characters hands hcs (demon brothers, dateables, + side characters)

college has whooped my ass but your girl has officially graduated with two degrees!! finally!! hopefully i will be able to get out more writing soon. i think i am also going to tweak my request rules in the coming days to make writing easier on myself and my schedule, so expect that soon. anyways enjoy these random headcanons that came to mind one night out of nowhere

content warnings: none

Lucifer

lucifer is usually wearing gloves, so you rarely get to see or feel his hands. so when you do, it's a treat.

his hands are cold, but not unbearably so. they perpetually feel like he's been out in the cold just a few minutes too long. when he touches your bare skin, it makes you jump-- but keep them close for a few minutes and you'll chase the cold away completely.

his hands are soft. probably not super surprising considering he's always wearing gloves, but it's still pleasant.

he's got big ass, strong hands. they may be soft, but that doesn't mean they're weak. lucifer is the type of person that could open a jar for you with such ease that he'd almost look disappointed in your weak little human arms. if he's in a good mood, he might tease you about it.

he's pretty pale, so you can see the color of his veins under his skin. he's also got just a few prominent veins-- nothing excessive, but just enough to hit that sweet spot between too much and not enough.

his nails are always pristine. he's the avatar of pride. do you think he'd willingly walk around with chipped nail polish? if something somehow happens, they will be redone by the next day, almost like they'd never chipped in the first place. either he'll call asmo over to fix them, or fix them himself, depending on how much time he has.

Mammon

mammon has pleasantly warm hands. sometimes they get a little sweaty, but it's not much of a problem honestly. he's like a nice little heating pack on a winter day. because his hands are warm, though, yours usually feel cold to him... and he will complain. it's mammon.

his hands are also pretty soft. gotta look nice, y'know? i can see him keeping lotion (and chapstick-- not relevant here but it's worth a mention regardless) on his person pretty often. this came about bc he got tired of the lotion he borrowed from asmo smelling all perfume-y getting him odd looks.

this man is always wearing at least one ring and you cannot convince me otherwise. i can see him wearing a lot of matching gold ring sets. they just look like they belong on him, y'know?

i think he's got a few subtle veins across his hands. he knows that people like that, so i think he's pretty proud of his hands. he even takes care to avoid chipping or otherwise messing up his nails so the whole look will stay cohesive.

Leviathan

oh you know this man's hands are clammy as fuck. sorry bud. facts are facts.

he's blessed with very pretty hands. his nails just grow in a pretty shape (and asmo makes sure to keep them that way), his fingers are slender and proportional, his hands are a normal size, and his skin stays pretty moisturized, even in harsh weather. he doesn't have to try. which is good, because we all know he wouldn't.

i think levi actually hates the feeling of rings and hand jewelry. he'd fidget with it too much and eventually become so aware of it that he'd need to take it off before he goes crazy. if he gets married and wears a traditional wedding ring, it would have to fit perfectly and be very comfortable for him to eventually get used to it.

levi picks at the pads of his fingers a lot when he's anxious, but he's not super prone to scaring there, so it isn't super noticeable. he'll go through bursts of trying to break this habit where he covers his poor hands in vaseline, but nothing even quite breaks him of it.

Satan

satan has hands crafted by god specifically to play piano and look nice holding books. look at him. there's no way he'd have ugly hands. they're soft and pretty, but i think he has to put more effort than expected into maintaining them.

he's another one that i think would be anti-ring for much of the same reason as levi. i think it would just feel odd on his fingers and he'd get irritated by their presence. he's okay wearing bracelets though.

his hands, slender and pretty as they remain, are also quite strong. he's the avatar of wrath, after all. he's probably the second or third best to go to when you need a tough jar opened.

his nails and cuticles always look presentable, but i think he finds grooming them unpleasant. he lets asmo do it for him-- the younger one's chattering distracts him from the irritating feeling of pushed back cuticles and trimmed hangnails. his hands aren't naturally soft, either, but asmo has developed a routine for him so they stay nice with a bit of regular (secret) effort. satan's all about seeming effortlessly perfect, after all, and his hands are no exception.

Asmo

softest hands in the entire cast. simeon and mephistopheles are good competitors, but this is not a battle he will lose.

his nails are always perfectly manicured and soft. he's got a million different lotions scatter across his room, the HoL, RAD, etc., all to make sure he never encounters even a hint of dry skin. he's got emergency nail polish, too, just incase a nail were to chip while he's out and about.

asmo reaches a lot for daintier, tasteful jewelry. think small rings, delicate bracelets, pretty gemstones, the works. he's very particular about matching the jewelry both to his outfit AND his nails.

he doesn't have any visible veins, so his hands seem inhumanly perfect at times. he likes this. compliment his hands and he'll swoon-- not that he cares more about them than the rest of his body, but because it shows you notice the smaller details he puts effort into, and he appreciates it.

Beel

big boy's got big ass hands. even if you're grown yourself, putting your palms against his will make you feel like a kid again. he could palm a basketball like shaq.

he's got his fair share of callouses. i think he mostly leaves them alone because they serve the purpose of improving his grip, which is nice for the gym or fangol. asmo probably gets on him for it, but beel doesn't care enough to do something about it. i can also see him having quite a few prominent veins on both hands.

his hands fluctuate in temperature a LOT. it's pretty unpredictable, too. you can touch his hand and find it scorching hot, then touch it again ten minutes later to find it eerily lukewarm. nobody knows why this happens.

beel has to be very conscious of his hygiene, or his hands will get really dirty in a matter of minutes. he's constantly eating and touching things, so he needs to either be careful or have a napkin on hand. i think lucifer carries hand sanitizer for this exact reason (although he won't admit it).

Belphegor

belphegor's hands are upsettingly lukewarm. it's like touching things or inclimate weather has no effect on him. they're always lazily warm, like a glass of water sitting out in the sun.

his hands stay soft mainly because he doesn't do much with them. he is, however, prone to hangnails. he's lazily bite them off and accidentally cause more in the process-- not that he particularly cares.

he leaves nail and hand maintenance in asmo's hands. he'll let the fifth born do anything to them so long as he gets to sleep through it.

not anti-jewelry/rings per se, but doesn't care enough about it to a) put any on, or b) make sure he doesn't lose whatever he's wearing that day. if it somehow falls off, the most you're getting from him is a quick look around, unless the piece was really meaningful and/or borrowed.

Diavolo

is anyone surprised to hear that diavolo has massive, strong hands? no? didn't think so.

he's got really thick fingers, too. you feel like a toddler comparing hand sizes with him. he's just a mountain of a man.

his hands are always hot but never sweaty. it's comforting most of the times, but if you're already hot his touch is like fire. dawg. don't touch me. i'm sweating. his entire body is like this, too.

his nails are always very particularly manicured (it's an image thing) and fairly soft. he cares enough to use lotion but not enough to carry it. he's not one to be super vain in that regard.

there's a tasteful amount of veinage on this prince's hands. enough to be attractive, but not enough to make him seen overworked or to age him.

Barbatos

definitively the coldest fucking hands in the entire cast. barbatos' hands are cold enough to wake the dead with just a touch.

his hands are always covered by gloves as well, so they're not as rough as you'd expect. still, though, the butler is always keeping his hands busy, so i imagine there are still some minor calluses across his hands. nothing enough to be super noticable, but still there.

he's got long, slender fingers. very regal. his hands themselves are average sized. compared to someone like diavolo, though, they're dainty.

his hands are also very pale, but for some reason you can't spot a single vein. it's odd. you can see the tendons and bones shift when he moves so you know his hands are built like normal... but something about the veins just seems so odd. mammon tricked luke into thinking barbatos doesn't have any blood, so that's why no one can see his veins. this is wrong, but luke is too polite to ask about it. (the real explanation is that, although he's pale, he's got pretty thick skin-- demon perks-- so you don't really see much below it).

Simeon

simeon's hands are pleasantly warm at all times. you can feel the heat through his gloves. it's just a very comforting thing-- he'll hold your hand anytime you ask, so don't be afraid to ask if you're a little chilly or in need of some reassurance.

when he takes the gloves off, his hands are silky smooth. did you expect anything different? i can see him being very methodical abut hygiene in general, and in this case i think he's always using a nice lotion on his hands before he puts his gloves on for the day. when they come off, his hands are soft and sweet-smelling-- like cocoa butter and vanilla.

he doesn't paint his nails or anything, but they always look very nice. his liberal use of lotion pairs well with his other grooming habits. his cuticles are never overgrown, his nails are always short and uniform, and his nail beds are healthy and clear. it's minor, but it just adds to the overwhelming perfection that simeon exudes.

Solomon

solomon's hands are somehow both clammy AND cold. pick a struggle, peepaw.

on the plus side, his hands are soft. even in the winter, solomon never has to worry about rough knuckles or dry skin. which is good, because you cannot convince me that this man would remember to regularly apply lotion. he's a menace.

his hands are pale, like the rest of them, but also more veiny than i think most would anticipate. he's got one prominent one heading to his ring finger, and the rest are a bit smaller but still noticeable. his pale skin allows you to see the blue of his veins underneath. they're interesting to just stare at at watch move when he flexes his fingers.

i can see him wearing a ring or two on occasion. i don't think he'd care a whole lot about the aesthetics, but i think he'd put in enough effort to wear gold when his outfit has gold and switch to silver when wearing outfits with silver in them. it's a small thing, but it lets your know he's putting in at least a little thought.

Luke

luke has got such little, cute hands. his fingers are small and a little stubby, just like his nails. his nails also grow slowly, too, so he doesn't have to do much to keep them presentable.

unfortunately, they're often a little sticky. he bakes a lot, and while he's not usually dirty or messy, he's still young and somehow just attracts stickiness like any other child. it's especially bad when he uses honey in his recipes-- his hands are perpetually sticky for like two or three days after, no matter how often he washes his hands.

luke is a nervous little child, and for that i could see him being someone that picks at his cuticles. simeon gently discourages this habit, but at the end of the day he can't do much but make sure they heal properly.

BONUS:

Thirteen

she gives barbatos a run for his money in the cold hand competition. her fingers are ice. unlike barbatos, she will use this to her advantage. you'll find her frigid fingers on the back of your neck or under the hem of your shirt when you least expect it. she doesn't have any reason to do this. she just thinks it's funny.

her hands are a little dry, mainly around the knuckles. she strikes me as someone that constantly rubs her dry hands together and bitches about needing lotion, while simultaneously never remembering her own. she probably bums a dab of lotion off of someone ever day (i'm thinking asmo).

her nails are always really nice. they're just naturally shaped really well, round at the top and pretty straight. they're strong and don't break easy, which is good, because a hangnail can throw off her concentration for an entire afternoon.

Raphael

like belphegor, raphael's hands are an upsetting temperature-- no matter how warm or cold your hands are, his feel lukewarm against yours. it should literally be impossible, but then again, a lot of things you've encountered in the devildom should be impossible.

he's got some calluses. they're pretty interesting, honestly-- if he was a human, he'd have the bumpy, dry hands of a weathered veteran or lonely woodworker, all rough skin and long years embedded into his flesh. but he's an angel. the calluses on his hands are small and fairly easy to miss if you don't touch him. but run your hand along the ridges of his fingers or the fatty parts of his palms and you'll find them just fine.

raphael has really pretty nail beds. something about the way they look is just so clean and nice. he never has overgrown cuticles or anything, either. just really nice hands for a man that does not spare a single thought to the way they look.

Mephistopheles

this man has hands like butter. they're just so soft and luxurious. you think they'd be a bit more rugged seeing as he's a rich boy with a penchant for horseback riding, but no. i can see him being very anal about his hands. they're always soft with not a callous or imperfection in sight.

speaking of perfect, this motherfucker has amazing nails. they're just a tad longer than you'd expect to be traditionally "masculine", but that just enhances how slender and pretty his fingers look. no wonder he's always pointing and gesturing so dramatically-- he's gotta show off all that hard work!

pretty boy here just has really nice, strong hands. not really veiny, but very smooth and even. his palms are a bit lighter than his skintone, naturally, but across the board there's no discoloration or scarring to be seen. you can tell he's a noble just by looking at his hands.

he's usually in those gloves but, if not, i could see him being a rings kinda guy. only tasteful ones, though, and in moderation. not like mammon.

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nerdygaymormon · 7 months

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The Illusion of Choice - Therapy Session 10/17/2023

I think this is my fourth session with this therapist, and the sessions are quite unlike any other sessions I've experienced. We talk about books and philosophy and it keeps me a little off balance. I'm used to feeling like there's a plan that the therapist is guiding me through, but this feels very unstructured. It's not that I haven't made progress, but it's very interesting to experience.

One thing he does is reframes my life experiences in ways I never would have thought of, presenting me almost as a hero, and he is so convincing that I almost believe him!

Today he told me about a book he's working on, he's got 11 chapters written so far. It's about a detective in the future who from chapter to chapter meets different people and helps them find an answer to a question. In helping them find answers, the detective is also healing his own wounds. The thing is, each of these chapter is a metaphor for things people work on in therapy.

He shared a few examples with me, giving me summaries of 2 or 3 chapters. Then he asked me to come up with a concept for a chapter and a title to go with it. It's a form of narrative therapy to help me think about myself from an external perspective, a way to understand myself and my journey.

I came up with the title "Illusory Consent."

Consent is voluntary and uncoerced, it has to be authentic. The person giving consent has to be affirmative in communicating the consent, silence doesn't equal consent. Consent means being informed. Consent can be withdrawn.

The detective is perplexed that this person he encounters is upset with their choices. If this isn't what they wanted to choose, then why would they pick this? They consented to this.

But he learns that while it looks like the individual was free to make their own choice, they were manipulated. They were free to make the decision that others in their community approved of.

To ensure the "correct" choice was made, several techniques were employed, such as only being given partial information, or not being told the extent of what they were agreeing to, that agreeing to this also means agreeing to all these things. Sometimes they were emotionally manipulated by having their family brought in to express how proud they are of you for your willingness to make a certain choice and then watching expectantly as the individual is asked if that is their choice.

Is this individual really free to make a choice if not making the "right" choice will bring shame and isolation from their community? Is it a choice if they are told that God only approves of one answer? Are they really consenting to all the ramifications of that decision if they can't understand them or weren't given enough information?

But the truth the individual is learning is that they didn't actually give full consent in any of those instances. They weren't able to give consent as a child for what they would do as an adult. An adult isn't stuck forever with a commitment made by a child who couldn't possibly understand the impact of that choice. It isn't consent if the people you rely on are clear about what the only acceptable choice is. It's not consent if you understood you were agreeing to one thing but didn't know it implied agreeing to a bunch of other things. It isn't consent if you can't withdraw the consent, circumstances change and so can our choices.

If a choice is no longer serving me, I am allowed to make a different choice.

Why would someone allow themselves to remain in a situation like this where they don't feel they have the freedom to make the choices they want to make? Because an important aspect of being human is relationships. We are herd creatures; we need other people. Compromise is required. But when does it go from compromise to unhealthy? When is someone willing to sacrifice so much? Likely when they don't see any alternative that will be better than where they currently are. Fear is a big motivator to stay in abusive relationships and communities.

The detective is a loner who bounces around, meeting people and helping them. He is free to make the decisions he wants. He learns that choices have layers to them. Being in connection and community with others is meaningful and important, but also means to make your own individual choice is harder and takes more courage because it risks losing so much.

#david gets personal

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glitchcel · 4 months

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15 people 15 questions!!!!

Tagged by @suzufield thank you yay ^^

This is a long one so it's under the cut and also idgaf I love hearing myself talk I love the sound of my own voice!!!!

Not really, my given name is that of a saint like most names from here tbh, but my mom picked it because it's short and she wanted people from everywhere around the world to be able to say it which is kind of cute. I don't have chosen name I have like 3 nicknames people alternate between, one of them is Ani or AniGC which I use on the internet and I don't plan on picking one I think not having a name is cool!

1. Are you named after anyone?

2. When was the last time you cried?

Nope, too young, and also having my own kids or parenting/fostering is not something I am fit to ever do I don't think I would be a good parent. I'm a lesbian so biological kids are kind of out the window (not really but don't want them regardless, better safe than sorry on this matter I think). I would love to work with kids though at least once in my lifetime.

Genuinely yesterday I love crying I cry all the damn time it helps me fall asleep. What the libs don't want you to know is that depression is actually awesome because you can cry all the fucking time and you don't need sleeping medication! Yay for mental illness!

3. Do you have kids?

4. What sports have you played/do you play?

I did karate for 8 or 9 years from ages of like 6-14, loved it, then I fell down the stairs and fucked up my spine and had to quit. Then I did swimming for a bit but nothing too serious and I quit that because I got bored now I do fuck all.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Yes a lot but I try to not get too irony poisoned lol, I mostly just say outlandish shit but I do use sarcasm.

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

I couldn't tell you if you put a gun to my head. I don't fucking know 😭

7. Eye colour?

Brown! ^^

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

This is a strange one I'm not really big on either of these things. When it comes to horror I'm not really a fan of movies I feel like a thing inherently becomes a little less scary when you show it to me or when it's moving you know? Idk I like some of them but I really do enjoy horror books those are awesome. And for the other thing I don't know is it a happy ending for me or the characters? Like I enjoy all plot threads being tied together well but if that doesn't make my fav happy GOOD. Let that bitch suffer. To actually answer the question I think scary movies lmao.

9. Any talents?

Why yes I'm very awesome. Idk I'm a fast learner genuinely that's the biggest thing I've got going on I think almost everything I know I learned on my own accord, it was never given to me, and idk I'm kind of proud of that idgaf if it sounds corny. I can also dislocate my thumb that's kind of cool.

10. Where were you born?

In the hospital (Serbia but I don't like saying where I'm from too much I want to remain a Mysterious Figure On The Computer and now you have to ignore the fact that I frequently post about this)

11. What are your hobbies?

Running the risk of sounding like a loser nerd I love studying I love learning things if I could stay in school for the rest of my life I genuinely would. I love learning how shit works and I'm gonna be honest organic chemistry has been among my favourite things to study ever it's so perfectly logical and awesome one of the best sciences ever for sure. Besides that I like doing fuck all and taking the piss on the internet.

12. Do you have any pets?

Nope! Small apartment and not enough money or time to take care of them. One day I will get a cat though trust.

13. How tall are you?

184cm that's like 6'0" I think?

14. Favourite subject in school?

Idk probably physics. High school level chem was incredibly fucking boring I didn't even have to fart to get good grades. Math and programming were my original beloveds but I fell out of love with them very soon after starting high school due to bad experiences with teachers. So yeah probably physics idk the only subjects I think about at this point are the ones I'll have next year in college I can't fucking wait for atomistics.

15. Dream job?

I feel like a fucking idiot being at my age and telling people I want to be a scientist but like!!!!!! I do I genuinely do!!!! I want to be a researcher and do cool things I want to be entranced by the work I do maybe this sounds so incredibly optimistic because it's likely that if I become a researcher I'll be eating packet noodles for the rest of my life but!! That's my dream!!!

I cannot be assed to tag 15 people I'm sorry also I think everyone and their mom has done this at this point so I'll tag. 3 take it or leave it! Sorry if any of you have done this already 😭. Also if you haven't but don't want to that's fine lmao no pressure

@k-ru-h @viegoinahoodie @schrodingers-catgirl

#THEY LET ME OFF THE FUCKING BUS FINALLY

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voidscarredadjudicator · 5 months

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Hey guys. Sorry for being quiet for a month. Hopping on here to let y'all know that I do still have a pulse. Things have been... fine? I guess? Here's a bit of a wordy update on my situation right now, but the tl;dr is, I'm good, HE is still on hiatus, but I'll get back into the groove soon hopefully. Also happy holidays!

The mysterious and vague 'personal life stuff' is still ongoing, and I really don't know how long it'll be something that I have to deal with. I'm continuing to not elaborate because it is very much a personal life thing, but I can assure you that nobody's dying or anything grim like that.

On an only somewhat related note, my expendable income has shrank dramatically in the past few months, so I've been having to get a lot more stingy with what I spend money on. I'm not poverty stricken; I can still afford rent and bills and groceries and whatnot, I just gotta cut corners where I can so I can actually build up my savings.

What does this mean for Humanity's Endling? Well, it's... still on hiatus, technically. But really it just means I'm picking up more shifts than I'd usually care to, which means less time to actually work on it. If work were being done on it to begin with. I'm also cutting out my NSO subscription, which unfortunately means I will not be playing Splatoon 3 much at all anymore. Granted, I was kinda taking a break from it already, so it's not like I've been getting my money's worth of the subscription anyways. So if you were curious about my absence during this most recent Big Run, or the lack of a lengthy season observation/headcanon post like last time, that is why.

All of that said, it's not like I haven't been writing at all - just been hard focusing what creative juices I'm still able to generate given my situation on the accursed TTRPG I've mentioned in prior rambles, as that's an actively running thing that I kinda need to constantly pump stuff out for.

Speaking of which, I pulled a Super Mario Galaxy and wrote a whole ass children's book for the players to find as a lore thing. It was written with the intention of just being a normal children's book in a bubble, but when viewed with the context of the entire campaign thus far, takes on a completely different meaning. Which is to say, you don't need to know a damn thing about the campaign to appreciate the story - a theory I tested by having two people who aren't players read it.

One almost cried. The other actually cried. And when the players found it in our most recent session, one of them also cried, and we had to take a breather after the fact.

Not to pat myself on the back or anything, but I feel like that's one hell of an achievement. So I am pretty proud of myself for that. If you guys are interested, I might clean it up a bit and post it either on Ao3 as an original work or just straight onto this tumblr. It's only about 2k words, so it should fit nicely in a single post.

That's all I can really think of to say at the moment. Again, even though I might seem a bit quiet, I am still here. I take a peek at tumblr at least once a day to see if anyone's sent any asks or anything like that, so don't be afraid to toss something into my inbox if you have a question.

Oh, and for the anon who sent an ask suggesting me to upload what I have of Act II done already - I don't exactly plan my stories in a linear fashion, nor do I write them as such either. It's closer to me thinking of the major moments I wanna do, plotting out how to connect them, refining, refining, refining, rearranging, refining, scrap half of what I have done, rearranging, suddenly having an epiphany, scrapping another chunk... yeah, it's a bit chaotic. I see what you're trying to say though, and I do appreciate the suggestion, but it can't really be done with the way I go about writing.

That's it from me. Happy Holidays. Play Cyberpunk 2077. It's a good game, I swear. Or Undertale Yellow if you own a toaster. It's me, I own a toaster. I played Cyberpunk on my brother's computer. Thanks, bro. Love you.

#The Adjudicator has spoken.#guess who isn't dead? that's right it's me!#also play armored core 6 #also alan wake 2 #haven't played either of those games but i want to #alan is so cool. he's a writer struggling with writer's block that loves his wife. man is just like me fr

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saiilorstars · 8 months

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Ch. 26: Beyond the Liaison & Profiler

[Story Masterlist] // [Aitana’s Masterlist]

Fandom: Criminal Minds // Pairing: Spencer Reid x OFC

Taglist: @ocappreciationtag @arrthurpendragon @anotherunreadblog @maaaaarveeeeel @stareyedplanet @averyhotchner @foxesandmagic @kmc1989

If you’d like to be a part of Aitana’s taglist, please let me know!

Also available on Fanfic ○ Ao3 ○ Wattpad

Aitana brought her game tonight even if it meant feeling her soreness each time she moved quicker than she should. Still, she was very proud when she fit the last piece of the puzzle before Spencer could even reach for the damn thing.

"Ha! Yes! I win—" She had barely cheered with fists in the air when she felt the sharp jab on her side and was forced to pull her arms down. She settled for one mock salute afterwards.

Spencer was only holding his laugh because it looked like she'd hurt herself badly. "I, uh, thought this was supposed to be a friendly puzzle..." He remarked, pushing his chair closer to the table.

Aitana snorted, very subtle passing a hand over her wound. The kitchen table thankfully hid the movement from Spencer. "You do realize that everyone else was happy to tell me that you're secretly competitive, right?"

"Spencer frowned. "I'm not competitive."

"That's not what Morgan swears."

"I'm not!"

Aitana raised a hand, indicating she would pause the argument. "You know what? Because you so kindly came over to lend me a new book and you actually sat down to do a puzzle with me, I'm going to pretend that Morgan wasn't right. You've given me some fun on this solitary evening of mine."

Spencer deadpanned her. "Wow, so big of you. Thanks."

Aitana smiled proudly. "Yes, I am."

Spencer pretended to disapprove of her tidbits. She was right, though, in that the evening had turned out to be a little more fun than expected. Keeping true to his promise, he had let her borrow some of his books while she recuperated at home. Tonight, he'd stopped by to pick up the finished book from her and to give her a new one in place. He found her alone at home doing a puzzle and when she asked if he wanted to stay for a bit, he couldn't refuse. More to the fact that he actually liked doing puzzles, he wasn't fond of the idea of her being alone while she was healing a bullet wound. In the case of an emergency, it would be better if someone was with her. It was also a better way to spend his free evenings. He had found himself drifting to JJ's home a lot more lately and he would like to give her couch a break. Aitana seemed to help distract him in a good way.

So, she allowed him to help her with her puzzle. Somehow along the way, it may have turned into an unspoken race to see who could finish it first. She did, apparently. It was all still very shocking to Spencer.

"Alright, I'm sorry," Aitana said in the end, offering him one genuine smile. "I may get a little competitive myself."

"Noo," Spencer feigned shock.

"But it's not often I can do it with puzzles!" she exclaimed. "My family doesn't do them and Elia thinks they're kind of stupid so I'm usually only competitive with myself. But now I have you!"

"Lucky me…"

"I'll stop," Aitana said, leading Spencer to laugh.

"No, it's fine. But you do know that I let you win, right?"

Aitana raised an eyebrow at him. "Oh? You let me win?"

Spencer nodded, now growing his own smirk. "Sorry to tell you the truth, but you don't get a pass just because you have an injury."

Her 'ha!' echoed in the kitchen. "We'll just see about that," she warned. She reached for the puzzle box and pulled the lid open. "You know I have like a hundred more of these boxes, right?" She asked as she started dumping their finished puzzle into the box.

"Are they actually challenging?" Spencer was full blown proud of himself by this point. He couldn't tell if the incredulous shock on Aitana's face was real or not but he liked it either way.

"Oh, oh, it's on!" she pointed at him. "It is so on! Just you wait!"

"I look forward to it," he said, flashing her a casual smile that just irked her even more.

Before she said anything else, they heard the front door opening. Spencer didn't even have the time to consider the possibility of an intruder when a familiar voice called.

"Aitana?"

"Kitchen!" Aitana didn't look up from the puzzle she was dumping into the box.

Spencer recognized Angel when he walked into the room.

"We have visitors?" He looked at Spencer with some curiosity.

"Competition," Aitana corrected, shooting Spencer a little mock-glare.

Spencer smiled only briefly now. It was hard not to feel self conscious around Angel after everything that happened — things that almost happened. He was beginning to realize that he had actually spent quite a few hours with Aitana tonight. There was nothing wrong with it of course (they hadn't done anything wrong) but there was the senseless guilt gnawing at him anyways.

"I'm sorry, what was the name again?" Angel asked.

Spencer cleared his throat as he pulled himself up from his chair. "Spencer Reid," he could only wave a hand at Angel.

"I'm Angel, nice to see you again. Sorry, I forget just about everything."

"His head wouldn't be there if it wasn't attached," Aitana remarked and smirked when Angel shot her a look.

"Ignoring her," Angel pulled his attention off her a second later. "If you stayed with her voluntarily, I commend you."

"Uh, it was…" Spencer was naturally puzzled with the words. They seemed a little harsh, in his opinion.

Aitana rolled her eyes at the comment. "Don't mind him, he's extra rude when he comes home from work."

"I own a restaurant so I deal with a lot of people," Angel exhaled a heavy breath, his dark eyes widening as he probably thought of his day. "We had multiple big parties today, so..."

Spencer nodded. That sounded hectic and definitely not what he would want to do with his day. "I should get going," he said.

"What?" Aitana blinked in surprise. "But I said it was on! You can't leave once I say it's on!"

Spencer smiled at her. It was a whole other side he was seeing of her and it was very amusing.

"She is so competitive, don't mind her," Angel shook his head.

"I am not!"

"Right."

"It's fine, Aitana, you need to rest. Penelope really wants you to come back already." Spencer counted at least a dozen moments in which Penelope said those exact words. She had grown attached to Aitana working as co-liaison partners.

"Do you mean to tell me it's just Penelope who wants me back?" Aitana feigned offence. "Nobody else?"

"Of course we all want you back," Spencer amended his fault even if he didn't have any. "But to do that, you do need to rest."

Aitana sighed. "Fine, but you're not off the hook."

"God forbid you get off the hook," Angel reiterated with a small laugh to follow.

Aitana chose to ignore him. "Thanks for the books, Spencer. I'll take good care of them, I promise."

He had no doubt that she would. She was the most organized person in the team. "I'm glad they're helping with the boredom. I'll see you soon."

She nodded. "Yup!" If it was up to her, she'd already be back at the BAU.

"Bye." For some reason, Spencer left in a hasty manner like he was trying to get away. He was smart enough to know why but it was better to pretend to be confused. It saved him the embarrassment.

"I cannot believe you forced that poor guy to do a puzzle with you," Angel said as soon as they heard the front door close. "Seriously? Did you want to torture him like that?"

Aitana rolled her eyes as she finished placing the lid over her puzzle box. "Some people actually like doing puzzles and for your information, Spencer is one of them."

Angel snorted at the idea. "Why?" He headed for the kitchen cabinets.

"They're relaxing!"

"Not with you! Ten bucks says you got competitive with him." Angel paused to see Aitana's face and was more than pleased with himself to see her looking away with guilt. "I knew it." He snagged a glass from the cabinet and headed for the filter.

"It's not my fault," Aitana shrugged. "You and Mateo never wanted to do puzzles with me. I always did them by myself so now that I actually have a friend who likes to do puzzles, I want to keep my winning streak." Angel shook his head at her then drank water. "And I'm going to keep them, eidetic memory or not."

Angel snorted again, nearly choking on his water because of it. "It's not healthy to be that competitive, you know."

"It's fun." Aitana gathered her puzzle box and got out of her chair.

"You're going to run him off, you know!"

Aitana smirked. "Doubt it. He invited me to the movies Friday."

"Oh!" Angel barely made a face when Aitana added that it was a group invitation. It was nowhere near what he was thinking.

"There's a movie that Penelope wants to watch," Aitana said, shrugging her shoulders. "So there's your FYI. You better cook dinner yourself tonight."

Angel snorted then fully laughed. "When do you ever cook dinner for me!?"

Aitana rolled her eyes and decided to head upstairs for some relaxing reading. She did have something new to read after all.

~0~

On Friday, Aitana received an apology text from Penelope because they'd gotten a new case and their movie plans were unfortunately put on hold. Aitana sent back a response assuring her that she of course understood.

She spent the weekend moving around as much as she could without forcing herself too much. The idea was to slowly ease her body back to her old routine so she could finally go back to work.

She went around her room organizing her things. Her shelves had gathered dust from her bed rest days and her poor plants needed more of her attention. Even her fish tank downstairs got a well deserved cleaning. After she felt like her home was decent enough to live in, she got to reading the books Spencer let her borrow. He'd been so nice this whole recuperation time, letting her read from his personal shelves. She wasn't a big reader growing up, at least not out of her favorite subjects (space and marine life). And wouldn't you know it, the first book that Spencer let her borrow was a space fiction story. After that, Spencer started bringing her a few classics he thought she might like.

This time, it was Crime and Punishment. Aitana couldn't help her smile when she first saw the title. It turned out to be a book of moral dilemmas, reminding her of the trolley problem (which she would happily compare to when Spencer asked her about the book). It was fascinating and she couldn't wait to find out how it ended. She hoped to finish soon. She had an inkling fear that Spencer was too nice to tell her not to take too much time with his book. She learned well by now how he was with his things and she did not want to upset him by any means.

She was so deep into her book that she almost missed Penelope's text message on Sunday night.

Hey Sprinkles! I know it's a little late but I managed to convince the others to go to the movies! If you're interested, we can pick you up!

Aitana answered within the minute. Of course she was ready to go at any time. And even though she insisted on getting to the theater on her own, Penelope insisted that she should take it easy. Seaver would pick her up. And in an hour, Seaver was at her front step.

"You're going out?" Angel caught the pair unexpectedly just as they were getting ready to leave. "Kinda late, don't you think?"

"What are you? My mother?" Aitana playfully rolled her eyes.

"Well, I know Pamela wouldn't like it."

Seaver smiled at the pair. "It'll just be a movie," she assured Angel but Aitana scoffed.

"Please don't indulge him. He thinks he's so cool being an annoying big brother."

"It's a fun job," Angel said with a completely serious face. Seaver had to laugh.

"Goodbye!" Aitana ushered Seaver out so she could shut the door. "God I hate him sometimes!"

"He's funny," Seaver remarked on the way to her car. "I always wanted a sibling…"

"You want him?" Aitana gestured back to the house. "You can have him. Or Mateo, really. He's my other brother. Both of them are up for grabs, seriously."

Seaver laughed again. She unlocked the car so they could get in. "I just thought it would be fun having someone else in the house. A sibling would've made a big difference."

"I guess they would," Aitana would have to agree. As rowdy as her childhood had been with Mateo and Angel around, she couldn't fathom the idea of living as an only child. "It would be too quiet without them," she realized. "My house was always loud. Angel's my step brother so he wasn't always in our house. He came by every weekend but even then, it was still loud."

Seaver turned the ignition on and soon drove into the street. "You know my childhood," she said with a sigh. "It was so quiet at times. I could hear every little noise in the house."

"You didn't have friends over?" Aitana curiously asked. "I always had Elia over too."

Seaver shook her head. "Not a lot. My father didn't really like them coming over."

"Oh, sorry about that…"

Seaver didn't seem to think long about it. She had long ago learned to move past the troubles in her home.

"You're more than welcome to stop by my place anytime you want," Aitana promised, "As annoying as Angel is, he's actually really easy going. It's why we work as roommates."

"Looks like it," Seaver chuckled. "I've never met any pair of siblings willingly living together, honestly."

"Ah, well, there's a reason why we have this arrangement," Aitana admitted. "I, um, had a lot of trouble living by myself after coming out of WPP. My parents had been looking for a while to rent the house so they decided to let me rent it. And I know they didn't want to say it out loud but I knew that they didn't really trust me to live on my own yet. Angel offered to pay half the rent. I couldn't say no."

"I'm sorry about that too," Seaver said. "It's ironic how many different ways there are to ruin a person who's lived peacefully all their lives."

Aitana hummed in agreement. "I was different," she said. "I know that I'm better now but I also know that I will never be who I used to be, not with the things I saw and lived through."

"I can share that sentiment too," Seaver said and shared a small laugh with Aitana. "The things that my father did...I could never go back to being who I used to be before we found out what he was. And I tried…"

"Yeah, we always try," Aitana whispered, falling distant with the memories of her failed attempts to reintegrate into society after WPP. "I went through so many jobs within the FBI. The leniency they had with me...dear Lord."

"I changed my name," Seaver reminded lightly, exchanging a brief glance with Aitana. "I was naive for thinking I wouldn't have to do it. The stares that I used to get…"

Aitana sympathetically looked at the woman. That would have to be something hard to live with.

~0~

"They're parking," Penelope looked up from her phone to Morgan and Spencer. "We should start buying the tickets. Save Aitana the extra walk."

"Well, we could've avoided it altogether if someone had just postponed the plans for later," Morgan shot her a look. She was so eager, as usual, to go out even after what felt like the longest case.

"Shush," Penelope waved him off. "She's bored. And I want to see a movie!"

"Can't be that bored…" Morgan swayed his head in Spencer's direction, leaving the man little time to ready himself for the inevitable teasing, "Not when Pretty Boy over here is stopping by every night to see her." Penelope snickered between them.

"I am not!" Spencer frowned.

"But you have been several times," Morgan flashed him a smirk.

Spencer's eyes landed on Penelope, accusing her for all this. She should know better than to tell Morgan this kind of stuff. She had the decency to smile a little bashfully.

"So has Penelope, so has Seaver," he said as his genius defense.

"Yeah, but you're doing puzzles with her and lending her books…"

"Talking about fishes and space," Penelope decided to add, giggling when Spencer glared at her. "Oh c'mon, you guys talked for guys about her little space project for her fish tank! It was really cute!"

Spencer shook his head at the pair. It was all harmless talking and they knew it. He knew it. It was actually really fun getting to know more about Aitana's side projects at home. She was more in depth than anyone at the BAU would expect their liaison/profiler to be. For the past 7 months, she'd been thoroughly focused on healing and reintegrating, leaving very few moments to really get to know her. Now she was beginning to open up and she was turning out to be a very interesting person. She was huge on space and, by an odd extension, fishes. He even learned that she had been president of an astrology club in her old high school. She had more plants than she needed to, she was constantly on the hunt for new fishes for her tank, she liked to dance, and there was still much more to her. She was surprisingly competitive when it came to doing puzzles, though he should've seen that coming with her little playful point system with him. Her easy going nature provided for a comfortable atmosphere, a trusting atmosphere. It was easy talking to her and therefore spending time with her, even alone.

To say, she even made it a little easier to tell her more of the situation with his mother. He still felt guilty for lashing out at her on their last case and though she had every right to still be upset with him about it, she welcomed anything he wanted to talk about. Everything was nice, everything was easy. The last thing he needed was for it to shatter because of some incessant, baseless accusations. Everyone also seemed to conveniently forget that Aitana was very much in a relationship. That alone proved she was just a friend.

"Hey there Sprinkles," Penelope was the first to greet Aitana when she and Seaver joined them. They already had the tickets and were merely waiting for the group to be together.

"Hey," Aitana waved before hurriedly stuffing her hand into her pocket. She was a little cold. "You guys look like crap, no offence."

"Just because it's you, I'm going to let it go," Morgan sarcastically wagged a finger at her.

Aitana's small laugh was short but it appeared like she could laugh freely without feeling the pain of her wound now. "Spencer, still reading the book. Might hang onto it for a couple more days if that's alright."

"Take your time," he said. "And I always have more."

"Yeah, I'm sure you do," she nodded, chuckling.

"More space?" Morgan asked with a healthy tease smile.

"Don't diss it," Aitana waved him off. Penelope started leading the way into the theater. "You know I was president of my astronomy club in high school?"

"And that's supposed to be cool?"

"It sounds cool to me," Seaver said, earning a grateful 'thank you' from Aitana.

"I even got us a camping trip to see the constellations! We saw Ursa Major on the first night, then Cepheus and Cassiopeia the following nights!"

"What? No shooting stars?" Morgan reached for the entry door first to hold for the others.

"Unfortunately, nothing fell from the sky those three days," Aitana dramatically sighed.

"You know, it's estimated that 60 tons of debris falls from space each day into our atmosphere," Spencer remarked.

Aitana scrunched her face at the fact. "I think I would've seen it."

He smiled. "A lot of it is microscopic particles that burn up when they enter the atmosphere."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, a lot of it ends up falling into the ocean."

"Those lucky fishes!"

Spencer laughed with her. From behind, Penelope nudged Morgan. She mouthed 'this is what I meant' to him, and consequently, Seaver. The two had a fairly amusing time understanding exactly what she meant.

~0~

"Unnecessary!" Penelope huffed as soon as they were out of the theater. Not even the chillier air could distract her from the deep disappointment of their movie. "There's too much blood and gore and eew!"

"Garcia, it's a slasher film," Spencer reminded her. "How do you do a slasher film without violence?"

"You imply it!"

"Baby, the movie is called "Slice 6." What were you expecting?" Morgan could barely hold his laugh for her sake.

"A refreshing beverage with a twist of comedy!?"

"That's what you got from the title?" Aitana made a face. "I would think the word 'slice' is a dead giveaway of what the genre was."

Penelope did not care for reason. "I'm gonna have nightmares for a week!"

"With everything that we do and see on a daily basis, that got to you?" Seaver had to ask because from a logical point, it didn't make sense.

"Listen, newbie, you may be all Sigourney Weaver ass-kicking tough, which is awesome, but the mystical mavens of innocence like myself jump at things that go bump in the night!"

"Why are you worried? I'm sure that Morgan will protect you," Spencer gestured to the man, though he added with a growing smirk: "As long as he's not jumping out of his chair like a prepubescent schoolgirl." The others snickered.

"The only reason I jumped is 'cause you guys woke me up," Morgan said.

"How could you sleep during that?" Aitana asked. Several people had screamed around them multiple times.

"Easy. They dragged me out after a 12-hour workday...for what? You telling me that girl didn't know that the unsub was waiting for her upstairs? Come on, now."

"Villain," Spencer corrected.

"What?"

"Villain. In movies, unsubs are called villains."

Morgan playfully rolled his eyes. "My bad."

"You want to know why horror movies are so successful?"

"Why is that, genius?"

"They prey on our instinctual need to survive. In tribal days, a woman's scream would signal danger and the men would return from hunting to protect their pack. That's why it's always the women and not the men who fall victim to the bogeyman."

"Count on you, Reid, to break a movie down to science," Seaver said with eyebrows raised. At this point, she shouldn't even be surprised.

"I don't know, if you ever meet my maternal grandmother, the boogeyman will seem scarier," Aitana said, causing an eruption of laughter from the group. "She's got a tough attitude if you cross her."

"Oh, so we know where you get it from then," Morgan smirked. "Spicy Sprinkles."

She rolled her eyes at him. She would keep in the fact her parents often said the same thing. He didn't need the extra ammunition.

"I actually like horror movies but I need to be mentally prepared for them," Penelope said, thankfully changing the topic. "My favorite thing about horror movies is the suspense factor."

"Ah, the ticking clock," Spencer hummed. "The helpless victim walks through the dark. Shadows reaching out to get her. A sudden noise draws her attention. Is someone there, or is it just in her head?"

"Still, it's totally unrealistic," Penelope said, "No one should be walking through a dark alley by themselves at night."

"Ahem, hello?" Morgan made a clear gesture to himself.

"Ah," Penelope immediately endeavored to fix her mistake, "No one should be walking through a dark alley without a Derek Morgan by their side."

"But the best part of a horror movie is you never know when the end is gonna come," Spencer said. Their movie had ended suddenly on them, leaving a big 'what if?' for the audience to leave with.

"Unfortunately, that's also how it goes in real life," Aitana said, folding her arms over her chest. She turned around to the group, smiling wryly at them. "And with that, I bid you all goodnight."

"Oh, what a lovely send off," Morgan remarked.

Aitana mocked a bow, almost losing it when Penelope exclaimed a sharp 'Oh my god!' and tried straightening her back up. "Your wound!" She reminded.

Aitana laughed. "Pen, I'm good. Doctor says that I'll be able to go back to work next Monday."

"That'll be good," Seaver nodded, "We really need you around."

"I'll be back, promise," Aitana raised a hand. "I can't wait, honestly."

"Well you take care of yourself," Penelope said, reaching over to close Aitana's coat. "We want you nice and healthy for Monday."

Aitana promised her that she would take care of herself. She was going crazy at home doing nothing. She couldn't wait to go back to work. She just hoped she didn't miss anything important in the meantime. She also hoped that the first case back would be an easier one to prove for sure that she was just fine.

#ocapp #allaboutocs #ochub #criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid fics #spencer reid imagines #spencer reid x oc #criminal minds fics #criminal minds imagines #criminal minds ocs #cm #cm fics #cm imagines #fd: criiminal minds #oc: aitana serrano #fic: against all odds

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mdhwrites · 1 month

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Ten Years of Writing

February 2014, I made my fimfiction account. At the end of that month, I published my first fanfic. It has been ten years since that fateful decision that feels like it changed so much for me. I kind of want to go back through my memories, just talk about some of the highlights (going to save that for a different blog frankly. It is ten years of material and almost three hundred stories combined, potentially that many with the very few I've deleted over the years) and what that's meant to me but I know a lot of people might ask: What do you have to show for it?

Well, skill wise, I would probably argue that writing is the only trained skill I have and I am IMMENSELY proud of how far I came, especially while knowing that I haven't really had the same support to grow as for the past half decade that I did before then.

I have genuinely moved people and for some even convinced them to seek help they may not have otherwise by sharing my experiences in a more palatable format than simply writing them in a blog would. I have a lot of reasons for why I never will take down Crises Girlfriends from Ao3 and the comments are a big part of that. It's a reminder of the power of writing and creation, something that's easy to lose sight of amongst popularity and hopes of financial success.

On that front though? Amazon lets me check lifetime sales now and I've sold 793 books. It's not even just because of friends buying a glut of material because while I may have 19 books out, Sarafune Monster Preserve Vol. 1, my second ever book, written when I was barely 21, holds over two hundred of those copies. Daughters of Dusk Vol. 1 has half those numbers, though funny enough it does have have more reviews. Frankly, for an independent author who has always struggled to find his audience, those numbers make me genuinely very happy. Also, number five is Ruff Secrets at 33 copies, nineteen of which are physical which I DID NOT REALIZE and honestly makes me realize that that book has done better than I thought it did. Crises Girlfriends is admittedly the lowest one sales wise at 4 copies in almost a year of being out. That's just how it goes sometimes.

Buuuut even for the books without a bunch of sales, I can hold my head high because Ruff Secrets is also literally the only book of mine with a below 4 star rating, at least of the ones with ratings which is the majority of them. That's a feather I can pin in my cap. A testament that even back when I was twenty and published my first work, Diane and Kat: The Bound Bands, I was right to have the confidence I did as a storyteller. To believe my work was commercial quality.

I also still have people in my life I'd never want to be without because of my writing. Heck, I don't know where I'd be without one of them as I lived on their couch for almost two years while dealing with my declining health. Others have helped give me guidance while even more have made sure I never believe I'm alone and I've even been able to help them back. As one friend would say: I was once their Luna and changed what was supposed to be a suicide note into a story that made a lot of people on Fim open up with personifications of their own troubles. I don't know if I'd have found communities where I would make those sorts of connections if not for my writing.

It also still gives me what feels like a purpose to be here. A thing that is mine that I can comfort myself with, even while dealing with my broken brain. While I may be desperate for validation and want success, neither would stop me from continuing to write. My brain is too jumbled a mess of ideas for me to ever stop and it keeps those ideas locked down pretty tightly. Like hey, you know how I mentioned two series at the beginning? Yeah, well, I can still tell you my plans for them and could pick them back up someday. It's been four years since the last Daughters of Dusk book came out but I still want to eventually return to it since it only had two more books before it was done. I don't want to leave it permanently unresolved, even if I've never quite gotten the energy to finish it.

Which does bring me to being honest and admitting that the past ten years haven't all been positive. I've had to fight a growing resentment towards others success as my own jealousy festered. I've had to deal with crushing failure after crushing failure (my fifth best book of 19 makes up for a thirtieth of my sales. I have had a LOT of very quiet launch weeks) and the toll that's taken on me isn't unreasonable. I've multiple times had my brain break on the idea of publicly posting anything, leading to one offs being published and me being a wreck for the rest of the day as my brain begs for it to go as well as it perceives it should.

And yet I've still never stopped. Nor do I ever plan to. It may be a year and a half since my last finished project but I know I'll get through this. I mean, there has been a year during this where I literally wrote like two chapters the entire year. This past year and a half still say probably a couple novellas worth of words out of me, just never to one thing. I could still go back to plenty of those works and continue them. There's at least one I would really like to just because I commissioned the art for it way before I was done writing it which was admittedly a bit of a lesson.

I hope to keep learning, keep getting better and try to share some of the insights I've learned with all of you. So here is to ten years and to many more decades to come hopefully. See you next tale.

#anniversary #Ten Years #Writing #Reminiscing

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halamet-chalamet · 10 months

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Helloo!!! I saw you do the mgg/dpencer reid ship, and said Why not give it a go?

I am 5'3, short fluffy brunette hair kind of gal. My friends tell me my eyes are the "dead eye" shape. They are the color Green Tail btw.

I wouldn't say I am skinny, but I am in the middle, curvy maybe, but not skinny or mid-size.

I am an extrovert, always seeking for adventure and making new friends. I am loud and energetic most of the time. I can be very dramatic, but also fairly realistic. I am like the mom friend, always talking for others and taking care. I am sarcastic and try to put humor in things. Its just how I cope. I also have anxiety, but it is not that bad now, it used to eat me alive, but now it only catches me when there is something very stressful.

My hobbies are drawing and painting. Gifted child moment here. I also play the guitar and sing. Reading is also something I like to do.

But fairly, i HATE maths and physics, also the heat.

I adore animals, I havw a big ol cat myself. I like the rain, binge warching shows and definitely sleeping..

My mom would call my style sometimes boyish and sometimes classy. I love wearing baggy clothes but I also love wearing tight clothes. Bright colors ans mute colors..

Thats all ig, I hope you have a nice day and I send you all my ❤️

Thank you for sending me all your ❤️ I’m having a nice day :) you sound awesome by the way! I’m going to do you and Spence <3

Alright sis

You gotta drag Spence a little bit out of his comfort zone to do some adventurous things with you

Let’s be fair he is in the FBI and loves the adrenaline rush

But he’s also always on the lookout being really cautious

So you gotta help him be a tad more carefree to go on adventures with you!!!

When you and Spencer get together Morgan starts calling you both mom and dad

It’s clear you’re the mom friend which just makes Spencer honorary dad friend (besides Hotch ofc ofc)

It takes Spence a little while to get used to your sarcasm but he does eventually and you guys can go back and forth forever!

Especially after all our boys trauma he needs some coping humor

He’s so proud of you for overcoming some of your anxiety

You guys can help each other!

When you’re overly stressed he’ll do a great job of calming you and your anxieties down

And it goes the other way around

You sound super caring so I’m sure you would provide great comfort for Spence after a bad case or seeing/ thinking of his parents.

Art datessssss

He wants to paint with you

Man’s wants to draw with you

He’s better at drawing because his line work is really good :)

Wants to hear you sing and play guitar!!

Gives you books he wants you to read! And loves to see your monthly book picks!

Let’s be honest here

He doesn’t understand your hate for math

“It’s vital to our very existence!” Is what he likes to tell you when you complain about math (because math sucks)

He for real hits you with random math facts at some point just to see you get slightly annoyed. He thinks it’s cute

I stand by this next statement no matter what

SPENCER LOVES CATS

He is a cat person

Looooves them

He loves your cat!! And tries to pick it up and gives you cute cat facts! *cue awwww track*

Spencer will almost never pick a show unless it’s Star Trek or Dr Who

So he sits and binges with you whatever show you’re watching at the moment

He also analyzes the characters and can predict what’s going to happen sooo easy

But he doesn’t spoil it if you don’t want him to

He’s down for your eclectic fashion

And honestly always gets a little excited to see what you’re wearing this time

Sometimes he even tries to find an outfit to match the colors you’re wearing that day

Cute couples stuff I hope you enjoy <33 you sound like a fun person!!

#mathew gray gubler ships #mgg ships #spencer reid #criminal minds #mathew gray gubler #mgg fanfiction #spencerreid #send requests!#spencer reid x reader #mathew gray gubler x reader #criminal minds headcanons #anabelle’s thoughts

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thebadascetic · 2 months

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Small Steps Towards Big Goals

This week has been a mixed bag. I've been able to mostly keep to my dairy fast. Getting to finally have cheese again was such a rewarding experience. My fiance made me gnocchi, a perfect Lent meal that I had never had before and I enjoyed it immensely. I'll have to learn to make it myself for him one day. I also bought dairy free butter to allow me to at least have toast, one of my staples for this past week. But let's move on from food.

I finally finished my skirt on Tuesday. I had begun making it several months ago and had finished most of it by Christmas Day so I was able to wear it then but it took me until Tuesday to finish off the last section. It still needs a good iron and it's not the most skillful work ever done but it's only my second ever sewing project so I'm going to go easy on myself.

Wednesday was by far one of my most fun days. My friend and her brother took me to a carpark so I could learn to drive for the first time! I was there for about two hours, mainly going around this carpark over and over again but was eventually able to drive up the road and go around the roundabout. I feel very proud of myself for taking that first step but am still somewhat apprehensive for my next time driving. Towards the end of my two hours, one of the tyres hit something and had to be changed over. We were fine, it didn't affect the drive at all. Just created a bump in the tyre is all.

On Thursday, our Catholic young adult group started back up. I may have mentioned before but this year, I want to try and be more sociable at this group and become better friends with everyone. I was able to have a good conversation with a couple of people that I think I'll have the best chance of developing a friendship outside of the group with.

Towards the end of this week is where things became a little more sour. Five Uber Eats transactions that I didn't make showed up in my bank account, all from Thursday during a one hour window in the afternoon. I didn't see them until I began work on Friday. They added up to $82. I reported the transactions to my bank and then filled out a form on the Uber Eats website the next day. Fortunately, they are planning to refund the charges. Two of the charges have since disappeared and the other three are still pending so I'll just have to wait and see what happens.

Sunday came with a beautiful Divine Liturgy, as it should. The priest that came down to say the Liturgy is the one organising my Catechism. He brought with him a book for me: Christian Initiation of Children. It's a book all about baptising children. Obviously I'm not a child, but it still has a lot of good information on why we baptise, what will happen during my baptism, the role of sponsors, and how to prepare for my baptism. And the parts that pertain purely to infant and child baptism, as our priest said, will be useful to my fiance and I in the married life. It's a beautiful book, filled with prayers for conception, pregnancy, before and after childbirth, and for new mothers and fathers. I'd like to add some of those prayers to my intercessory prayers for my friend who herself is pregnant. The book is also presented in both English and Ukrainian, which will be useful for language learning. I've already picked up on the word for baptism (Хрещення). I've been told to read it with my fiance and we've already started it. I'm eager to continue. I've started reading the youth catechism I was given some months ago. I know a bit more than I knew then so it's starting to make more sense to me.

Today has been quite a calming day. I went to a psychology appointment that has left me feeling more comfortable with the direction my life is heading and what I'm focusing on. I also got to see the therapy dog again and was able to get some pictures of her. She's a lovely, albeit sleepy, lady. I've finally brought the bins to the curb. Someone was taking them up each week when we moved in but recently they stopped and our apartment building has gone a few weeks with no bins being emptied so I've taken them up tonight.

Lastly, I ordered some books for my fiance's birthday last month but they still haven't arrived. I had contacted the monastery that printed them last week and have been in contact with one of the nuns. She's all but prepared to print the books again for us, free of charge, but asked to wait two more weeks to make it a full month due to frequent delays in the Australian Post Office. My fiance agreed and wouldn't you know it: tonight, I found a warning in my mail box telling me that I'll need to pick up my package or they'll be returned to sender. All this for a package that I've gotten no update or notice about at all 🙃. Hopefully, it'll be my fiance's books.

Glory to Jesus Christ!

#catholic #catholic women #christian faith #christian living #christian women #christianity #eastern orthodoxy #jesus #jesus christ #orthodoxy #eastern catholic #catholicism

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ineffablyrandom · 4 months

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Books are always a big part of me. I remember reading The Adventures of Tom Sawyer when I was in Elementary when I slept over with my cousins, I saw it on their bookshelf, picked it up, and read it. Even when I was young, I enjoyed a book with stories, parables, fables, and Alamat/Legends. I always borrowed my Tita's pocketbooks when I was in elementary and high school, too young to read that kind of material, but too stubborn for anyone to stop me from finishing and reading one. When I didn't have a book to read, I picked up the bible (New Testament and Old Testament) and read it. Sometimes I skimmed dictionaries just because I wanted to read, list down all the interesting words that I encountered, and forget them as soon as I reached for another (newspaper) to entertain me with. I remember picking up Who Moved My Cheese? I liked it so much, and I knew that's when I started loving quotes and one-liners, paragraphs, and sentences that I dedicated one notebook to fill in all the good words I've read so far. I remember borrowing my high school classmate's book Ghostgirl by Tonya Hurley - the first book series I've loved. Right there and then, I wanted to buy books and collect them after I read them. But alas, I don't have the luxury and the privilege yet to buy books whenever I want. So as much as I could, I borrowed books. Little by little, I saved up and bought some if ever there was any extra money. It was my guilty pleasure. Books are not cheap. But I can't give up on them. I think maybe that is one of the reasons why I am a very hopeless romantic even when I was a child. I consider myself a bookworm/book girly.

But as all the bookworms have experienced, there was also a time when I couldn't even pick up a small book. I knew I loved reading, still love books, but I couldn't even finish reading Chapter 1. I guess you can say I was in a book slump. But it was more than that. I stopped doing things I'm happy about. I stopped buying books. I stopped reading, painting, and listening to music. I don't know what it took for me to pick the books on my TBR list and finish them, the only thing on my mind back then was not to think of heartbreaking things other than the stories in the books I've read.

I started buying tragic, tear-jerking books so that I'd have a good reason to cry because even though I have enough reason in real life to cry about, I was empty. And I didn't want to face the reality. I turned to books when I wanted some escape, and for a while, it helped. So I cried when a character died, I cried when it was too relatable, and I cried when the plot/story was so good that my heart felt so full it could burst. And I wished. I wished for a love story similar to the love stories written in a book. If it were just so simple.

There was a time I thought I was done with that hobby, thought I would never pick up a book again. But here I am, reading my 51st book of the year, and I am so damn proud of myself. I can't stop. I promised myself, that life would turn dark again somehow, with obstacles, and life-changing experiences, but there's too much goodness also spread across the world and in my life, and books are one of them. So I will take a break once in a while if I ever feel like I'm in a book slump again. But I think, out of all the hobbies I acquired throughout the years, being a bookworm will forever be one of my favorites.

So cheers to 50 books I've read this year. Maybe I'll list my top 10 favorites and least favorites.

To more books to read and books to buy next year!

#memory keeping #books #random thoughts #bookworn #book lover

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emeritus-fuckers · 9 months

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I'll do the matchup stuff :)

I guess I can start with some basic stuff! I am a ISFJ and a Taurus! I love to spend my free time watching shows or movies! I also enjoy playing video games or reading when I have the time too! I have a degree in psychology and I work as a mental health worker for a nonprofit as well as a tech assistant/librarian at my local library! I love what I do even if it keeps my weekdays very busy! I love being able to help people, which leads me to my next section! Personality wise, I am very loyal and caring. I am devout to those I love and I am fiercely protective of them. I am funny and love to try and make others laugh and smile because it makes me happy to see others happy. I come off as shy but once you get to know me I am very outgoing and friendly, I will go out of my way to check on people and make sure they're feeling okay. I am creative and free-spirited, I like to follow my own path and what makes me happy and it's taken a long time to learn that for myself. Physically, I am 5'8 and fat/chubby with a buzzcut. I am very curvy and it is something I am still kind of insecure about but I am learning to try and love about myself. I am Nonbinary/Genderfluid and I use they/she pronouns. I wear round glasses mostly for reading, but I usually just wear them all the time. I wear a lot of band shirts, leggings, and big flannels or sweaters, I very much enjoy being comfortable lol I am autistic and struggle with sensory issues and other mental health issues, but I have found ways to cope with them healthily and when all else fails, I am a medical marijuana user lol comes in handy when things get real bad with some of my sensory issues or anxiety/PTSD.

I am proud of the milestone dude! congrats it is very well deserved! Keep up the great work, all of you :)

Your match is…Mountain

He’s very free spirited too. He’ll always encourage you to follow your own path.

He really admires that you always want to make people smile and laugh.

He didn't realise at first that you were just too shy to speak to him. He wanted to approach you but the timing was never right.

Then one day he was feeling down and you came to find him. You realised immediately that something was wrong and cheered him up.

It meant so much to him that you took the time to find him and that you had noticed something was up.

He already really liked you before, but that day he fell for you completely.

He is also incredibly loyal and he will always protect you. You protect each other.

Through your interest in psychology he developed an interest in how humans behave.

You’ll be sitting quietly reading in the library, or working and he’ll lean over and gently lower your book. He’ll then point at someone and rather loudly comment on their interesting behaviour.

He’ll then excitedly ask you to explain it. "Why is he human pacing up and down? They pick up a book then put it down then pick it up again..."

He loves lending you his hoodies and shirts.

He’ll just kind of builds stuff around you if you feel stressed or sad. It’s what makes him feel better as an earth ghoul so he hopes it will help you.

He’ll put loads of pillows in the little fort he's made (out of books or cushions or whatever else he has to hand) to make it comfy for you. He'll then give you a book to read within it and he curls up around you.

Or if you ask he will just hold you and kiss you. He might also leave the odd light bite to let you know he is yours and you are his and he will always be there for you.

This post is a part of Match-up Event. The Event ended on July 15th.

Written by Nyx

#match up event #match up #glitchedxxout #ghost band #ghost bc #ghost band x reader #ghost bc x reader #mountain ghoul x reader #mountain ghoul

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solradguy · 1 year

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I have sent many asks to you before filled with honest yet corny-as-hell sentimental bullshit about how much your blog, and you by extension, means to me— even if we don’t even really know each other. But if this isn’t a better time to actually buckle down and give you a proper “thank you,” than I don’t know what is.

I found your blog a while back, sometime early last summer if I remember correctly, through your Guilty Gear scans. It was around the time I first started actively hunting down whatever remnants of a Guilty Gear fandom were scattered across the internet, and luckily I hit the jackpot with Tumblr (amongst other sites.) God bless whatever made you make this blog, cause the things it has done for me since then have been tremendous. From small things like your discussions about music and your random posts about vintage technology that inevitably prompt me to do deep-dives on the subject, or bigger things like your entire translation or scanning projects that open me to an entire new world of Guilty Gear media, your blog has taught me about so many new things that have molded me into the person I am today, and suffice to say, I’m proud of that person. You have introduced me to new singers, bands, books, movies, games, shows; so many goddamn things and the majority of them have turned out to be things I simply enamor. Beyond that, your art has helped me improve on my own art and has inspired me to make so much more work and work even harder. Plus, you also brought back my obsession with dragons! I used to be enthralled by dragons; collecting paintings, statues, plushies, books, you name it and I probably have it. And just to like them once more due to my exposure with the content you churn out (wether original or reblogged) is something I can also say I am grateful for. Even just ranting about personal interests in your asks or asking if you perhaps enjoy the same things that I do is something that makes me happy.

I don’t want to make you uncomfortable by saying this, but I seriously do see you as a sort of “big brother” figure in my life. It’s a parasocial relationship, sure, but I have found solitude and comfort in your blog, and even a sort of aspiration to be like you. Either way, the truth is your blog has helped me so much this year and has brought me so much more happiness than what I had before. You have seriously helped me become a better person, better in loving myself and finding something to love in the world around me as well.

So, thank you. Thank you for this blog and for everything you post on here. Thank you, and happy new years. I hope next year gives you nothing but unadulterated love. You deserve it.

Ok so, for an uncountable amount of times this has happened now, I typed a really lengthy reply to this and then cut a section of text to move it and Tumblr decided that meant "delete the whole post except the cut text and then close the post editor, deleting everything forever." It is 3:30am. I'm going to summarize what I wrote as I type it for the second time. The last two paragraphs are the only sections from the first draft that got saved.

First off, I apologize for taking so long to reply to this. Your message is extremely heartfelt and sincere and, when I got it (around noon), I wanted to think on it for a little and reread it a few times before replying.

I'm... not great... at accepting compliments. For a lot of my life I've been picked on for my physical appearance and interests so I learned how to take advantage of my size and how to project a pissed off aura to get people to leave me alone. It works very well. Online that doesn't work, and I wouldn't want it to, but offline I think I can be kind of a grumpy asshole. I try really hard to only appear to be that way. After making kids/babies cry just from being in the same space as them though, it can be difficult to think otherwise. I'm not used to people being this kind to me, let alone even admiring or looking up to me.

But the online format is nice; people just see me as an icon and if they don't like my posts/interests they can close the tab or filter it instead of making it my problem. Being able to talk about whatever on here and finding other people that also think it's interesting has helped me a lot too. Before getting into Guilty Gear around August 2021, this blog was mostly just an art reference blog with a very, very, small amount of personal posts scattered in-between when it was something I wanted to archive (like when I started HRT).

I started doing scans because I wanted to send a specific illustration to someone but could only find it in a low resolution. Since I had the GGX '07 art book and a scanner, I figured I might as well just scan it myself and it all sort of snowballed from there. The GG community has been incredibly motivating and I don't see myself quitting doing these scans/translations until there's nothing left to scanlate. Guilty Gear has done so much for me and I love the games and its setting probably more than any other series I've ever been into.

Know that I really, truly, appreciate you sending me this message. I have a little folder of nice messages like yours that I keep to look through on bad days. They genuinely mean a lot to me.

It's such an honor that the things I've posted about have inspired you and lead you to new interests, too, and I hope that I can keep motivating and inspiring you. 2023's gonna be a good year, I think, and I hope you get some of that unadulterated love too.

#asks #long post #I started typing my first reply at 1:30 and now it's 3:30 GOD I'm so mad Tumblr deleted my first draft.............#Next time I'm typing it in Notepad s2g #Anyway I'm sorry if any of this comes across as curt or if it's worded weirdly I'm falling asleep on my laptop hhhhhhhhhh

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pbandjesse · 10 months

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Jess just got back to her house. I am really glad she came. And today was a lot of fun!

I slept alright. I did not want to be awake when my alarm went off but I knew Jess was in the other room waiting.

So I forced myself up. I got washed up and dressed and felt really pretty in my reception dress. I just love the way this dress fits.

We chilled on the couch once I was dressed and I tried to shake off how tired I was. I kept spacing out. Jess was ready to go though so we headed out to go to Golden West.

We got to Hamden right before 9. We parked around the corner, between two other Subaru Crosstreks which I thought was hilarious. We checked the free library and a cicada landed on me! First one I've seen this year! Jess ran away and yelled at me for touching it. But cicadas are just dumb puppies.

Breakfast was good! Jess got tacos and I got a quesadilla. I didn't like my potatoes but that was alright. I would eat half of mine and saved the rest for later. It was just nice to talk and sit together and day dream about things we hope for. My stomach was hurting a bit but I was still having fun. Jess got a latte to go and I got a cup for my diet coke.

And then we were off. To second chance.

We didn't end up buying anything but I had a blast looking. Even though it was stupid hot in there, despite their industrial fans, it was sweaty and my upset stomach wasn't helped. But there was fun stuff to see. Jess was slightly discouraged because she didn't find anything she loved but I also think that because it's real, she bought a house, it feels like there is to much pressure so it's hard to pick anything. It was still fun to look.

Once we decided we were entirely to hot we headed out. It was drizzling and that felt nice.

I decided we would go to value village.

Jess found a book right away and I found someone I used to work with at the science center. I chatted with her for a few minutes. And tried to find some dear america books but no luck. I did find a yellow shirt dress and a leather tool belt holder. Which I guessed was for an electrician and I was correct when I googled it later!

We left there and we're giggling and just having a great time. We had one more chore, getting my replacement yarn.

So we drove further into Glen Burnie to go to Michaels. Where I was able to get the black yarn and another ball of the speckled white which I had wanted. And with the coupon I had I also got some clearance items (more rainbow loom rubber bands, some hot glue sticks) and the elastic I wanted for the price of just the yarn so it's like I got it for free. Amazing.

Jess got two mugs for her new kitchen and got a giant glass pumpkin drink dispenser. Which was super cool and I'm excited to see how she uses it.

We went next door to Marshalls next. Jess would get a cute piece of Tupperware. I did not get anything but I enjoyed looking. I wanted to buy another water bottle but I did not. Growth.

We headed back to the apartment after that. Moved the stuff Jess got to her car and we brought my stuff inside. I was happy to be back in the AC. It was so stupid humid outside.

We had leftovers for lunch. And Jess showed me more of her Pinterest. I worked on figuring out how to attach the elastic I got to my doc sandals so they would have a back and it took some trial and error but it worked and I was so round of myself. I may add another strap but I really think this will help with the pain on the top of my feet.

I would also work on some knitting. And then Jess fell asleep for a little while. I left her to sleep until 330. Which was when she said she wanted to get on the road. And once she was awake she was surprised she had slept. I walked her to the car. Big hugs. And a promise that the next time I'll see her it'll be at her new house??! I'm so proud of her.

I went back upstairs. I worked on knitting. I enjoyed the ac. And not long after Jess left, James came home.

I was very happy to see them. They were being very silly. We talked for a while. I shared some things from today. And eventually James decided to go for a walk.

While they were gone I took a shower. I washed my hair twice and it was very good. But I still felt sweaty after. It took me a while to find a good temperature. And I would start working on some other projects. Trying out some sewn faces on some bears. Which I for sure don't have a handle on but I'm trying. I need a smaller embroidery hoop I think. And James would come home and would help me unpack my market box so I could refresh it and take out any old papers or things. And I fixed the part of my sign for messed up. I also moved the stickers into their new display and I'm very pleased.

James would make me nachos for dinner. And they would have their own quesadillas. It was just a chill evening.

James went to paint their nails and I kept working in the studio. I started a new knitted loom idea. I'm gonna finish the squares for my one blanket hopefully this week or next. And then I have to decide on the pattern because I'm not in love with the checked. I want it to be funkier. So maybe it'll be sections. We will see.

Now I am in bed. And ready to sleep. I am not sure if I will stay at camp tomorrow but I probably will. I am looking forward to my projects. And it's going to be a good week. I've decided.

Sleep well everyone. Take care of yourself!!

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sga-owns-my-soul · 10 months

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thanks @frostysfrenzy for the tag!!

Were you named after anybody? nope! my siblings both have their middles names after our grandparents but i’m not named after anyone

When was the last time you cried? uhh idk honestly i think a few days ago?

Do you have kids? no and i don’t want any. my brother has two girls and my friend has a kid and i love them but i am more than happy in the aunt role thanks

Do you use sarcasm a lot? it was tempting to respond to this with sarcasm 😂😂 yes i use sarcasm a lot i am a very sarcastic person and it’s a little problematic honestly

What sports did you play/have you played? when i was a tiny baby child i played soccer, and in grade 7 i did cheerleading which i loved and desperately want to get back into some day, even just casually

What’s the first thing you notice in somebody? idk probably their hair honestly

Eye colour? blue but they get really grey when i’m upset apparently (idk i don’t tend to look in mirrors when i’m crying)

Scary movies or happy endings? i do love some good angst or suspension but i’m a sucker for a happy ending (especially a happy ending following an angsty story that’s some good stuff)

Any special talents? does cat grooming count? i don’t wanna brag or boast so i won’t go too much into it (unless people want me to bc tbh i could probably make an essay about it) but i’m really good at what i do and a big part of it is bc i respect the cats and if they are telling me “no this needs to stop” i will always listen. cats are very dramatic and i know the difference between “i’m annoyed and this sucks” and “i am not okay with this situation and i’m warning you that you need to stop” and listening when they need you to makes SUCH a difference in the service. anyways i’m proud of the work that i do and i’m really passionate about it (and i’m kinda really good)

Where were you born? in a hospital! in the horrible province of alberta, canada! (i’m kidding it’s actually a beautiful province and there’s a lot to love our government just kinda sucks and a lot of people are really bigoted)

What are your hobbies? i watch a lot of tv (stargate mostly at the moment surprise surprise) and read/write fan fic (take a guess what) but i’ve been trying to pick up some more stuff that takes me away from screens. i started drawing, which im horrible at and i love. i started knitting, and as soon as i get the right needles im gonna make a temperature blanket. im also trying to take up swimming, dancing, and rock climbing to get into better shape! i love all 3 activities im just really bad at making myself be active so it’s a slow process lol

Do you have pets? yes!! currently just my orange gremlin, charlie (should i make a post about him i feel like he deserves a space on my blog idk lemme know if i should) and he owns my heart (even if he is a fuckin menace who ruins my life and never lets me sleep)

How tall are you? idk 5’2? 5’3? ish? somewhere around that range

Favourite subject in high school? theatre in general but specifically tech theatre. i took a theatre intensive class all 3 years of high school and it was 4 classes rolled into one and tech theatre was one of them. i ended up doing stage management in grade 11 kind of as a fluke and i fell in LOVE it was so much fun i miss it

Dream job? cat grooming 🥰🥰🥰 i love it so so much and i love that i get to do it for my career

this was so fun thanks again for the tag!! i’m gonna tag @the-mushroom-faerie @spurious @books-space-things @zababova-pomsta @colonelshepparrrrd and as always anyone else who wants to but hasn’t been tagged! ((no pressure to do this if you don’t want to!))

#this was fun thanks!!#i have way too many thoughts lol #no one cares stick #it’s fine i entertain myself #tag game #about me #personal rambles #not stargate

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ddarker-dreams · 2 years

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Your Johan fic oh my god...Im so happy I got to live the day to witness you actually writing it. My week is made fr. The way you wrote the monologue is one thing but the actions after is a whole different thing. Not only where you able to completely craft the dialogue between Johan and reader but also the impact those words do. they're terrifying strong and you managed to pitray it perfectly. Actually while reading what he said to reader it made me feel similar and very sad to the point I started tearing up mid way through the story 😭 but I genuinely think reader response is so beautiful, it's something that I relate to and you managed to convert such a crisis and long term pain with it's conflict into one fanfic that is just beautiful beautiful beautiful work. I honestly don't know how you do it. I have been following you for maybe 3 or more years and the way your writing has drastically improved makes me feel so proud even tho I am beginning to get scared on how well you depict these kind of characters lol. You have changed and became something so much bigger in such a short span of time it's beautiful. I am so proud of you and this recent fanfic reminded me of it honestly. this genuinely is one of my favourite stories now I'll have to mark it down and add it to my list and I hope one day you'll realise some books that I can add more to

i think i need to like ,, lay down because WOW what a message. my heart is genuinely touched by this and i’m struggling to figure out how to put that into words (any ability to write just flew out of my body). writing this story was surprisingly therapeutic for the reasons that you mentioned. i knew that to write an effective johan story, there’d need to be some of him verbally digging into the reader. i decided to pick a topic i’m extremely sensitive about to be able to capture that psychic damage he’s capable of inflicting (aka why i made this post). i was worried whether or not the warning “manipulation” could fully cover everything, because if you can even slightly relate to the way johan was coming for reader, it’d be ouch ouch. but i was hoping reader’s response would somewhat mitigate that.

carl jung’s discussion about the shadow is what i was mostly basing johan off of in the story, specifically the discussion of it in this quote:

"The shadow is a moral problem that challenges the whole ego-personality, for no one can become conscious of the shadow without considerable moral effort. To become conscious of it involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real. This act is the essential condition for any kind of self-knowledge.”

i think it’s imperative to come to terms with the more unsightly aspects of yourself, since without acknowledging them, they remain permanent blind spots. i was plagued pretty intensely with social anxiety disorder (along with GAD) in my teenage years, and something that came from that was like. this visceral want to be needed by others. the equation in my mind was people need me = i’m not annoying and it’s justifiable for me to be around.

it took some later reflection to realize my obsession with self-martyrdom to solidify my place with others is Not in fact good, but at the same time, an urge i shouldn’t beat myself up over. of course we long to be wanted! who doesn’t? so long as we can check our motivations and keep this part of ourselves in line as much as possible, i don’t think it’s an ugly thing. i hope that anyone who struggles/has struggled with something similar can read the story and come to a similar conclusion.

man maybe i’m gonna cry now 😭😭 thank you for supporting me over three years, that’s actually insane to think about?? it really has been that long hasn’t it... my understanding of evil has definitely improved from writing all these dark stories, i wonder if that’ll ever come in handy . mayhaps mayhaps. probably not. sometimes we need useless skills. i’ll keep working to improve my writing, i feel like the biggest help has been how often i do it and the fact i’m actually reading published books now JKGEMR i don’t know why i avoided doing it for so long. i’ve been so pretentious in thinking they had nothing to offer me omg.

ANYWAY i am beyond grateful that you sent this in, thank you so so so so much!!!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

#social anxiety gang rise UP #sweet asks #answered #Anonymou

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lienwyn · 2 years

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Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖

Oh my! Thank you <3

It's honestly a little difficult to pick, but I think I have to go with:

1. Hyperborean - The Losers (Cougar/Jensen, 127 000 words)

Will forever be a favourite since it was the first novel-length AU I wrote where I just let my imagination and world-building run WILD. I just had so much fun with the world I created, the various details, the lore, the social structures etc. It was also challenging to write (in a good way) and managed to include some twists for the reader ;) If I ever were to file the serial numbers off a fic and try to publish it as an original novel, it would be this one. Because, well, this kind of made me realise that, yeah, I CAN write a book if I want to — and I can make it dramatic and epic and wonderful. I’m actually capable of that. Yay me!

2. Autonomy - Marvel (Bucky/Tony, 184 000 words)

I guess I can’t NOT mention Autonomy? Just like Hyperborean, I went crazy with the world-building and had so much fun exploring the HYDRA virus vs. the Rebirth Serum, Tony’s backstory, and just... everything. It was my first for the ship and I remember being SO nervous about the characterisation, but I’ve been told it’s pretty solid, so thank god for that x’D This was also the fic that more or less introduced Winter to the Winteriron fandom (and he has, since then, become a fanon staple, to the point where not many even know this was his origin) and I guess I can feel a little proud over that?

3. Allies - The Hobbit (Bard/Thranduil, 20 000 words)

I am so ridiculously attached to this fic it’s kind of funny, since no one really cares about it? Except me, I guess (and my wife, but she’s partial). I LOVE this one since this fic, more than any other I’ve written, is where I managed to hit JUST the right tone and pitch. This sounds and feels EXACTLY the way I want it to and I had a lot of fun with the more old-fashioned, fantasy-ish style. Also,Thranduil’s POV is, hands down, one of my favourite POV’s I’ve EVER written. I had an absolute blast and some of my absolute favourite lines I’ve ever written are in this fic.

4. Who Holds the Devil - The Devil Judge (Ga On/Yo Han, so far 142 000 words)

Not finished yet, but already a favourite. Possibly one of the best things I've ever written? Not in terms of pacing, perhaps (since it's hella long already and nowhere near done) but because of the way I get to really pick these characters apart and explore their behaviour and emotions. There are so many nuances, details, and facets and it’s just SO fascinating. Also, I feel like I get to be more experimental with my word choices and sentence structures thanks to all the dreams, which is an absolute delight. I’m just really enjoying this one since it feels like I’m growing and learning a lot. Also, it’s very satisfying to write such complex and fascinating characters. Will, without a doubt, beat my current record for The Slowest Burn Ever to Burn a.k.a. “It took them HOW long before they kissed?!” (see below).

5. The Thunder Moon Chronicles - Teen Wolf (Derek/Stiles, 292 000 words)

The first. The one that started it all. While the writing isn’t on par with what I can do today, this was still the start of something so much greater than I could ever have imagined. I’d promised myself I had to write at least one fanfic before I died and decided I might as well go big or go home. So I wrote a third season for Teen Wolf which ended up being almost 300k. Yeah. My first fanfic was 300k. And it’s not even one of those “let’s write and see what happens” fics. Oh no. This is a tightly planned epic with three parts, each with their own dramatic curve that together form a cohesive story, with a burn so slow it took Stiles and Derek 200k to kiss. To this day, I still can’t understand how I managed to pull that off. My guess is blissful ignorance. I just didn’t understand how easy it would have been to crash and burn and just embraced my own eagerness and enthusiasm. And that is why this fic will forever be a favourite. The sheer and utter JOY it brought me as I wrote it and the doors it ended up opening for me later on.

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I swear I didn't intentionally pick from five different fandoms, it just happened x'D And I know this looks like I’m just choosing my longest fics, but that wasn’t intentional, either. I guess it’s just easier for me to feel proud over the long ones? Since I got to really show off my skills, both in terms of writing and storytelling, but also world-building, characterisation, and my ability to convey emotions etc. SO YEAH.

Also, fun fact: the reason why I figured I would only write one fanfic was because I assumed I wasn’t a very good writer and no one would want to read them anyway. And I don’t mean that in a “without readers, it wouldn’t have been worth it” way. I just assumed that once I had written one, I could cross that off my bucket list and move on with my life. So, uh, that backfired. SPECTACULARLY x’D

And, before any of you start to worry: I know I’m not a bad writer. It took me YEARS to accept and there are times when I still can’t quite grasp what it means — since I don’t know what I’m doing that might qualify me as a Good Writer — but enough people have told me that I am that I can’t just ignore them.

But, also, most importantly: I enjoy doing it. I truly LOVE writing. So that, more than anything, is why I’m still sticking around ;)

#Lienwyn Replies #My Fanfics #Hyperborean #Autonomy #Allies #Who Holds the Devil #The Thunder Moon Chronicles #I admit I was a little confused to get this ask on my art Tumblr xD #But also very happy!#Thank you so much <3

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