#hyperfocusing sucks ass so much

[ovaryacted]

chris redfield is the type to have you on all fours and when he hears you trying to muffle your moans into the pillow he pulls you up into his chest with a bicep around your throat and all you can do is claw at his arm whilst he goes ten times harder 🤗

MDNI/18+. NSFW.

WHEWWW LAWDDDD. Anon, you got me thinking over here, let me cook for a second. cracks knuckles. (I'm a little rusty with smut so pls be nice).

You'd lost track of time, the only thing keeping you grounded being the constant thrusts of the man behind you. It was one of those days, where the stress just built up a tad too much and he needed that release that only you could provide. You couldn't deny Chris when he was so needy, grabbing at you and kneading his hands over your ass, nipping at the base of your throat.

The audible sounds of skin slapping together filled the four walls surrounding you both, loud enough to make a nun blush. One of his hands clutched at your hip, the other dug into the mattress beside your head, keeping him upright. His muscular hips moved against yours as you were propped up, face down ass up, just the way he needed you to be.

Chris pummeled into you with calculated strokes, his cock reaching the deepest parts of you before pulling himself back out. Your walls clenched around him and sucked him in, wrapping his length with your slick that dripped down your thigh.

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, digging your face into the pillow underneath you as your mind turned to static. Chris could be overwhelming sometimes, his physique and strength alone being things that he used to his advantage in the bedroom. Nonetheless, he still took great care to focus on your pleasure, to make sure every spot he touched would make you fall apart over and over again.

He groaned as he moved against you, his chest growing wet with sweat that dripped down from his collarbone to his sternum. He remained hyperfocused on the way your ass jigged against his pelvis, the base of him glazed over with streaks of white. His ears picked up on the muffled sounds that came out of you, your chest fully pressed into the mattress and your arms against the sheets.

With ease, Chris brought his fingers to your head, tugging you up with a soft yank of your hair and positioning you flush with his chest. You whimpered at the change of angle, the tip of him hitting that textured spot tucked inside you.

"Are you getting shy on me?", he teased you, grinning against the shell of your ear as he spoke. His tone of voice alone made you clench around him, the ache becoming almost unbearable as you craved more.

"Don't want you to hide from me baby, let me hear you", he wrapped a thick bicep under your neck, securing you against him and intensifying his thrusts. A broken moan ripped from your throat, your fingers clutched at his skin as your nails dug into his forearm. He chuckled deeply against your temple, kissing your cheek before sneaking his other free hand between your legs.

"Chris!", you cried out for him, thick fingers rubbing against your oversensitive clit, pulsing with need as were quickly reaching your limit.

"That's my girl", he praised you, leaving playful bites on your neck and shoulders, not planning on stopping until your voice grew raw and your body had nothing left to give.

#ovaryacted asks #chris redfield smut #chris redfield x reader #chris redfield imagine #resident evil #resident evil imagines #resident evil drabble #resident evil smut #yeah...need it lord

[greenunoreversecard]

Request: Lucifer with a quiet and reserved GN!reader who is his kid and Charlie's younger sibling? Additionally, Reader enjoys writing and making music and is generally pretty creative

A/N: I am so so so fucking sorry this took so long. There was a buttfuck amount of shit and this slipped my mind. Hope it's ok and I hope you get an award for patience. Also i wrote this at the public library.

Lucifer and Charlie with an Introvert Relative

First off: there two fucking adore you

They're both very big personalities, as well. Charlie with her hotel and charisma, and Luci with his duck rants.

So it's a nice for them to have you actually listen to them. Like, the amount of times that they've both trailed off because they think no one cares or is listening and you just go "No, keep going. I was listening. Tell me more"

It warms their hearts every time knowing that despite you being closed off, you still care.

And you bet your ass that if you want you can also rant about hyperfixations (both of them are so neurodivergent)

Also, Charlie has forced asked you to help with murals and blueprints! She definitely employs your help.

also, Luci 100% helps you publish novels or start an art business. Uses his statue to get his way.

Depending on where you primarily live either or will drag you out of hyper focus to eat and drink.

Luci might not be as consistent because he himself locks himself away and hyperfocuses on duck designs trying to forget his failures in life

and Charlie is a bit stressed but she always makes sure to send messages during her meal times and breaks (despite how inconsistent they may be) and she also might send Razzle or Vaggie to get you if she can't.

Charlie also adapted a story to a small play format and had the residents perform it as a bonding exercise

Also, if you suck at emotions then Charlie is dragging you to groups with her

Luci is def happy your creative and a dreamer, but not as outgoing as your sister. Not that her ideas are bad, they aren't, (quiet the contrary) he's just scared she'll get hurt and is glad he doesn't have to worry as much about you getting hurt.

Overall both love you, and your mediums, and your quiet calmness that they both need every so often.

Because To be honest their lives can be chaotic, so it's nice to have you to calm down the steam and sit in the moment with.

#greeny's inbox #hazbin hotel charlie #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel x reader platonic #platonic #platonic x reader #x gen reader #x male reader #gn reader #male reader #hazbin hotel lucifer x reader #hazbin hotel charlie x reader #hazbin hotel x you #hazbin hotel imagine #hazbin x you #hazbin hotel fluff

[obaewankenope]

I've given myself heat exhaustion AGAIN (heck, I hope it's only heat exhaustion, rip) and I am not here for it ffs so to make sure y'all know about it, imma share the signs of heat exhaustion!

Heat exhaustion is quite literally your body getting too hot and Exhausting itself to cope. Heatstroke is your body Failing To Cope.

Heat Exhaustion signs include:

You get a headache that Will Not Go Away

You feel confused and dizzy (balance who? Idk her)

You don't feel hungry but you feel sick as well (this sucks and happens a lot in high heat so try and snack regularly)

Sweating and clammy skin like the kind that has people go "you're freezing!" because you've sweated so much you literally end up with a chill on your skin

Cramps. Feckin cramps. Arms. Legs. Stomach. They suck ass.

You have a heckin fast pulse or you're hyperventilating like you've just had a Scare

Your body temp is over 38°c (because you're literally boiling like a lobster in a pot)

You are Beyond Thirsty and no matter what you drink it Does Not Abate

If you end up experiencing any of these symptoms, or multiple, and you're in a hot/warm environment, then sit your ass down in the shade, get something to drink, and get a damp cloth on your head or a change of clothes that are cool.

Basically, stop what you're doing and give your body a chance to Not Keep Boiling

Heat exhaustion is NOT THE SAME as a heatstroke.

Heatstroke is So Much Worse™.

Heatstroke signs include:

Still feeling like utter shite 30 minutes after you sat your ass down, rested in a cool place, and rehydrated

Not actually sweating even though you really do feel like a lobster in a pot that has the heat up High

Your body temp is 40°c+ (which is bad btw, that's temp for causing your to pass out etc)

Hyperventilating/fast breathing or actual shortness of breath (I struggle with this because asthma so I'm always like "idk if I got this oops)

Feeling confused but in a like "I don't know what's going on, I can't think, I have no idea about anything, someone help me please I'm crossing into traffic and don't even realise" way

Having a fit/seizure because your body temp is so high your brain is Actually Getting Boiled In Your Skull 🙃 [upside down smiley emoji]

Passing out and not actually responding or waking up from a brief fainting spell (this is the Serious™ kind of passing out that has doctors going "oh shit, we need an IV STAT!" or whatever it is they say when Shit Is Going Down)

Heatstroke can be really dangerous if it isn't treated quickly so please don't ignore these signs. Right now, I'm in a cool environs, with hydration, and am avoiding moving and am gonna have a nap because I'm going very dizzy, can't focus properly, have a headache, and am only coherent here because I'm HyperFocusing on this post. I can't even understand words being said to me right now hence nap, hydration, and cool environs.

So please, y'all, take care of yourselves. Seriously.

#Health #Heatstroke #Heat exhaustion #Advice #Tips and tricks #Life hacks #Help #Kat talks #I literally am a fool #A fool who genuinely didn't understand anything my mother said to me #Except 'dog has been fed' #That's it. That's all I understood of the words she said. #I was so dizzy and my legs were literally shaking I had to stumble to sit down #I've eaten and that's helping but I feel sick for having eaten #I'm still woozy af #My head feels like it's wobbling on my neck even tho it isn't #I'm in the house tho now and it's cool inside #I have water and tea so I'm good asbweol #It's just gonna be a case of resting and hoping it's just exhaustion and not a heatstroke #Bc I don't wanna be in A&E for 8+ hours with heatstroke when it's boiling in there #Anyway #I need to stop talking

[sunnykeysmash]

my thoughts on the first two episodes of s16

I don't even know where to begin, so let's start with just opinions: I loved it. Honestly, I've wanted sunny to delve into the characters for years, so this is all I've ever dreamed of. The differences in direction are also stunning and very visually interesting. idk it's great

If you've read my meta post on s14 and s15, you know what I think about the direction of the show, and season 16 is following exactly what I had expected in that regard imo.

It's not just how it revolves around nostalgia and "legacy/history" though. It also manages to do so in the direction and editing style of these two episodes.

Many choices surprised me here: we all know the zooming in during the pulse scene, but also the tendency to move the camera to reveal a previously unseen part of the environment (which has happened... three times! in inflates), the camera following the characters through the environment (dennis going from kitchen to living room, charlie moving from the new room to the entrance) which reminds me of the camera work in charlie work, roller rink and jumper (when they battle for the casaba specifically), all moments that have been praised for being "different" regarding to usual MO for sunny, and many close ups which usually aren't something that's used a lot.

Many times the usual sunny music came on and it felt almost jarring (POSITIVELY!!! intentionally wrong) because of how serious the moment had been. Like old lady house, you know?

So, to me, this is the first season without a structure. Nothing is sacred, especially not the past (dennis and mac get rid of the couch they've rented for 15 years [don't have to explain why 15 is important right], mrs mac wipes her butt with the "legacy of war" [aaah we'll come back to this], frank gives up the gun which is called his legacy and history, etc).

It may seem like s16 is being episodic and "back to past form" but I think that couldn't be further from the truth!! This is a new sunny, and the characters have continuity.

I have a feeling that by the end of the season those new room and bathroom will be used, because there is no "return to status quo", and to pretend there is would just be denial. Frank knows about the rooms now. But ehh anyway.

Something else that really surprised me these new episodes was Mac.

If you know me you know that I think Mac is pretty much the structure. He's the man who carries.

In a season with no structure, Mac is off.

He's unable to see any subtext no matter how obvious (buys literal nuts, doesn't see what Donald means), he's once again in complete denial about everything, he often guesses the complete opposite of what's actually intended ("consider it an offering" "of war?" "of peace- what is going on with you dude?" / "frank just shot us" "AWESOME!"), hyperfocused on the past, on legacy and history, (on winning a prize in risk e. rat?), he honestly seems to embody everything that Big Mo was fighting against.

This isn't entirely new for mac, he's displayed these traits before, but it seems much louder right now and intentional.

Especially if you consider, for example:

"I think it's time that I started sucking down the words of the Bible. And instead of looking for pieces of ass, I'd just look for peace."

Now, here's what I think happened.

He did get unraveled in s15. Not in the sense that he wasn't him anymore, but in the sense that he lost faith in the church, and is now trying to find something else that can "fill him up".

In a continuation of the identity themes in s15, I think Mac doesn't know who he is anymore, and is looking for any sense of meaning. Especially clinging to the past, even if the past was worse.

"This place has a dark past. Murder, betrayal, beheadings."

"Well, you know, it's a castle, Dee. You know, people were going crazy in castles all the time. And beheading people... well, that was just their way of solving problems back then, you know."

Even the letters Mac is so fixated on, written during world war II.

So if the past is war, and the future is peace, Mac is stuck in the past. So he still embodies the structure, it's just... we're not doing things that way anymore.

We may be redefining what legacy is. The gang thinks it's your past, when really, it's your future. It's what YOU pass down. (god stop me from quoting hamilton but... it's planting seeds in a garden you never get to see. cmon it's perfect. anyway)

And when you're so focused on the past, you miss what's happening right in front of you, you don't realize you have everything you've ever wanted right in front of you (like Mac with Donald...).

So what we're doing right now I think, is actually pivoting.

But... a pivot is also "the most important thing that everything else is based on or arranged around".

I don't know, maybe it's not farfetched to say that it's Mac and Dennis. Being codependent, they revolve around each other, they're each other's pivot.

Dennis is changing, which throws Mac off balance.

What else... uhh the lamp thing, definitely lampshading. And Charlie insisting on the return of the status quo and saying his investment was only "ten dollars a unit", to me that's again the seasons we used to get.

The teeth thing is a lot like the soup... they're being used incorrectly. He should keep them in his mouth... obviously.

I think that is to say that they're probably gonna find their way back to the structure, like, that it was simply used incorrectly. Like if Mac and Dennis got together for example, that wouldn't be something scandalous and against the structure at all, because it was already built in. Nothing changes. It's like the circle of life, like... it's all a circle (or a hole!), and they're just going round, ending up exactly where they started. Maybe. (!!)

Also ep2 calls back to tends bar:

"You figured out the one thing I wanted more than anything else in the entire world and you got it for me."

And this dialogue

"should we just attack him and take it?" "no he'll mow us down like Scarface, we can't come at him like that, we'll spook him." "you give that dog the best day of his life, and then you turn off the lights when he least expects it..."

Reminds me of season 14. One last classic season before you "turn the lights off" (but dee and dennis never meant to kill frank! just like big mo wasn't the finale). It also reminds me of season 12 now that I think about it, I mean... "turning off the lights", DDL... yeah.

Also reminds me of chop

"He came back! My dog came back!" "How the hell is that dog still alive?" "Yeah, Mac, why don't you just put that poor thing out of its misery?" "Put him down? What, are you crazy? This is my dog, Dee. I love him."

And!!!!

Wait, speaking of "history".

-"I'm the one who stayed, I'm the one who takes care of you, how could you do that?"

[...] -"it's okay, I'm not mad at you. it's fine."

"I love you."

"I love you too. I love you too, you know that."

"I made a mistake."

"you did make a mistake. I didn't mean to upset you"

This dialogue resonates to me as very applicable to Mac and Dennis (so much dialogue tends to 😭), because you know who else "gave away their history"? Dennis, when he went away. Mac stayed, Mac takes care of Dennis... (well, now I'm just hoping we'll finally get a north dakota mention)

Aaaand idk what else. It's never wise to try to read meta when so little of the season is out yet... also I'm tired and rambly and I know a lot of this will be wrong but uh. There's a lot of macdennis in the air. And I also think both Mac and Dennis are at their very lowest points, and they need each other, or things may go south.

#s16 spoilers #iasip #it's always sunny in philadelphia #always sunny #analysis #Sorry this post is so disorganized I'm really tired hfksf #too many thoughts and head empty

[xxdereksfanficsxx]

I had an amazing idea 🤞

Ichimatsu being praised by m! Reader while being fucked <33

So sorry this took so long to write!! And also sorry it's more drabble-length, but this is like, 110% pwp. I hope this is up to your expectations!! (Also I'm sorry if you can kind of tell I don't write for Ichimatsu all that much, he's one of my favorite brothers as well but I'm hyperfocused on Osomatsu and Karamatsu like 99% of the time ^^;;)

Pairing: Ichimatsu Matsuno/ Male reader

TW: Smut, 18+ ONLY

Summary: Plot, what plot?

Disclaimer: I don't own the character or series

You bit your lip, the sight before you almost too much to handle. In front of your eager eyes was Ichimatsu, in a wonderfully compromised position. Everything was exposed to you, his head down against the pillow, his ass propped up for you. His cheeks were spread enough to give you  a delectable view of his tight hole, his knees wide apart, exposing his balls that hung under his already throbbing cock.

You reached a hand out, your fingers skimming against one of his cheeks. Ichimatsu shuddered visibly in anticipation. 

It was funny, really. When you had met him a few years ago, you got the impression that he was a vicious dom. He sure played it up, too. He had all the deviant toys, despite having been a virgin at the time, waiting, ready for him to use them on someone, anyone. Then… You came along. And you showed him how to use them alright. He was hesitant at first, insisting on topping the first few times, but as you got to know each other, he relaxed a little, and let you start taking over.

It was almost fateful, when you discovered what really turned him on. Dirty talk, sure, but one night, affirmative words of praise spilled out of your mouth in a haze of ecstasy, and the way it made Ichimatsu squirm was unreal.

You lifted your hand, and came down on his ass with a firm smack.

“Fuck,” Ichimatsu groaned, pushing his ass back, closer to you. You rubbed the spot soothingly for a moment, before you came down on him again. And again. The third time, it stung, and you could tell, hearing your boyfriend sucking air through his teeth. You leaned in close to his ear, your hand soothing the spot that was reddening, your own hard dick rubbing against him.

“You always take that so well, Ichi.” You whispered into his ear, and he silently twitched beneath you, as your hand came down on his ass again. You kissed his shoulder, and down his back, before resuming your kneeling position behind him.

“Do you want my cock? Hm?” You asked him casually, teasingly, as you reach over for the lubricant.

“Yes, hurry up,” He responded quickly, almost talking over you, his voice dripping with need. You smirked a little. ‘That’s what I like to hear…’ You thought to yourself, stroking your dick as you lubed yourself up. You had been building this up for a while now, giving him little tastes of what he wanted, his frustration derived from want oh so evident. 

You moved on to prepare his hole, fingers slick from the excess lube that you had just used on yourself, and some extra you had squeezed out of the tube. A soft moan slipped past Ichimatsu’s lips as you pushed a finger in, then another, sinking into him with ease. You pumped your fingers in and out of him at an agonizingly slow pace, your free hand resting on his hip to support yourself a little. Ichimatsu was getting breathy, and you decided it was finally time to give him what he wanted. 

“___…” He muttered, at the sudden emptiness when you pulled away. His disappointment wouldn’t last long, however, as the emptiness was soon replaced with your throbbing cock.

“Fuuuuuuuuck…” Ichimatsu moaned, as you slid in. You sighed in pleasure, the feeling of him around you so fucking good.

“You’re so good for me, taking my whole dick like it’s nothing, you’ve gotten so good at this, Ichimatsu,” You rambled, and his face flushed, precum dripping from the tip of his own, twitching cock.

“Fuck me already,” He pleaded, and you couldn’t resist any longer, giving right in as you pulled out to your tip, and slammed back into him. He arched his back, gasping in absolute pleasure. You kept at it, keeping a steady pace at a good speed, thrusting into him hard. Your hands were stationed on his hips, your nails digging so hard into the skin it was nearly bruising, that would leave crescent-shaped indents when you would later let go.

“Oh Ichimatsu, you’re so good, you’re doing such a good job taking me like this, you know that?!” You groaned between pauses that were filled with your heavy, needy breaths. Ichimatsu couldn’t keep himself quiet, melting into a mess of moaning and ecstasy. Praise continued to spill from your lips as you fucked him mercilessly.

“You’re so good, I love to see you like this, just for me. Fuck, call me selfish-” You were stuttering at this point, hardly able to contain yourself. “Ah, but,” You panted. “You are so unbelievably perfect,” 

Ichimatsu had a death grip on the sheet beneath him, his knuckles white from having such tight fists. Your words were what pushed him over the edge, sending him into a full body orgasm. He tightened around you, and thick, white jizz spurted from his aching cock, onto the sheet beneath him, and he shuddered like you had never seen. 

“Good boy” You moaned, not far behind, your last thrust deep inside of him, holding him so hard against you, as if for dear life, as you came deep inside of him, thick and hot.

Both of you were breathing heavy, as you collapsed together, and he pulled you into a tight embrace, your arms wrapping around him tightly. He continued to tremor a little bit, both of you eventually calming down from your insane euphoric high. You pulled back a little, and reached a hand up, gently brushing his hair back, and out of his face. You looked into each other’s eyes for a while, before you leaned in to kiss him, hand lightly cupping his cheek.

#ichimatsu x reader #ichimatsu x male reader #ichimatsu matsuno x reader #ichimatsu matsuno x male reader #osomatsu san #osomatsu san x reader #osomatsu san x male reader #reader insert #male reader #male reader insert #drabble

[this-is-me19]

This week in my head:

listening to the chorus of Matthew Nathanson’s Come on get higher on repeat.

Scared my sick child will be put in the hospital and intubated (that shit took nearly a week for me to recovery from too).

Scared my sick child will stop breathing—retraction is scary af?

This is the worse he has ever been sick, ever!

Make sure he takes his meds.

Hold his arms and make him take his three (3) medicines

Make sure he has a tablet when getting his breathing treatment every 3 hours so I don’t get grumped by his pediatrician again

Every. Three. Fucking. Hour.

Sleep?! What’s that?!

Hyperfocused on my six year old who hasn’t gone to school this week.

Realize your husband and you have barely connected because you’re hyper focused and he keeps having to do task initiation which gets on his nerves after a certain point.

Napping when kid naps so I can function

Keeps taking meds in the afternoon or at night when I should be taking it in the morning

I’m off my routine so bad!

Overwhelmed.

Scared.

Anxiety sucks ass.

I’m traumatizing myself and probably my child to force my kid to take his medicine

I don’t feel better knowing I have legal precedence here as parent to force meds on my children.

Scared I’m gonna get Human Metapnemovirus and it’s gonna cause a terrible asthma flare up like my six year old

Feel selfish I want him to go back to school so I can spend time with hubby during the day since we don’t get the opportunity much when kids are home.

Tired all the fucking time

Why tf didn’t big pharma make kid prednisone taste so awful?! The flavor doesn’t help at all! At all. I’ve added salt and sugar and added to soda, mixed with other flavored meds. No. Prednisone liquid is the most bitter things ever!

Why can’t my kid like any of the flavors?

My child is like me who could taste all the medicinal bitterness on their tongue and gag nearly every time.

I have two interviews this week and I don’t wanna go but need job

Interview tomorrow for Accounting Clerk

Interview Friday for Admin Asst

Two Dr appts tomorrow on top of interview— one for kid and one for me

Did I mention I have pulled a muscle or something by picking up things heavier than 10lbs? I stopped trying and the pain seems to have gone.

Trying to sit in this emotion and I got nothing.

How can I get burnt out taking care of my six year old?

Positive: I get to get back on adderall! I may be functional again and awake!

Have we had sex this week at all?

I just wanna cuddle with my husband and be petted

When was the last time I took a shower? My hair kind of crunchy and I don’t know why.

Has kiddo taken all of their meds? No, got two more doses to give him. 😭

My kid had sensory issues and he says he is scared of the medicine. Am I a bad parent? The doctor said it’s medicine, it won’t always taste good. Yeah, you get the autistic kid to take it without having to hold him down and force it into his mouth until he agrees to do so he drinks it.

I need to redye my hair but no energy

Can I just sleep for the next 12 hours?

#personal #rant #parenthood #TW trauma #TW force to take medicine #TW Emotional info dumping #TW parent forcing child to take medicine

[saltypiss]

Main reason I don't like HL2 that much is because Bioshock basically showed the world what an actual upgrade from Half Life gameplay would've been.

I have literally NO IDEA why people are so hyperfocused on the genuinely forgettable fuckin' story and lore when the gameplay ends up putting Half Life 1 on the ropes sometimes.

It puts Half-Life, on the Ropes sometimes.

Yet people are more interested in "would you kindly" like good job man, everyone literally everyone understood. It's not that deep, it was never that deep.

HL2 feels like several steps down in gameplay. In Half-Life there were seldom few moments where you could just do nothing but wait, and those moments were usually to be a visual reward.

HL2 just...Never fucking stops stopping. Like my god man, I cannot care about a story that's just a fat nothing burger. The graphics and artistry took a nose dive, seldom ever achieving an actual feel to it.

Bioshock feels like a sequel in gameplay, because the moments you do have control taken are specifically done as a reward for the story. HL2 just...has it happen to you, and now you're stuck waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and the car flipped over, flip it back over, now you're driving. Which realistically, is waiting. and Waiting more.

Dialogue, entire scripted events and animations. What uh, what does it add? The characters are good, I'd be sad to have Barney or Alyx gone, but like. Do they really benefit the over all of Half Life? I can't really say so. You have to project Alot of personality on these characters, which was fine in HL, where scientists were no named nobody pawns essentially.

Bioshock shows you can like, actually do something with these characters? I dunno how the script and story for HL2 got to the point it did, but the fact they redid and threw out alot after the leak kinda makes me fully believe, they didn't have a story, they just winged it. So the characters, while enjoyable, don't feel like they matter much.

You can have characters that influence how you perceive the story, follow you the entire game, make an impact on the direction the story and characters go.

HL2 is so preoccupied with itself to even consider making Alyx more than your mouth piece. She's the main character You fucked over. That's the story. HL2 is a story about Alyx, not you, not the rebels or 7 hour war, nor even the combine.

And then they just...replace her role with you, and now she's just kinda hanging around. It's genuinely frustrating seeing a good, honestly well voice acted character, be completely, and utterly gimped so the Player can be the Big Hero.

I fucking hate, so much, how you're the chosen one in Half Life 2. It's...They really didn't have any clue what to do with Half Life 2. It gets bogged down in generic story writing to the point the events in the game never leave an impact, you're just numb the whole damn game.

There's never a moment where you destroy a massive tentacle monster, sure it was handled kinda ass, but the fact is, control was taken away to show your work mattered. HL2 takes control away to tell more fucking story and Suck Your God Damned Dick.

I'd have completely altered the entirety of Half Life 2. Alyx would've been your rival, you'd have been a nobody and citizens wouldn't be so fucking happy go lucky in such a hellscape seeing you. In fact they'd shit on you because they're broken as people.

I'd make it so Eli was the middleground between you and your rival Alyx, and Eli's death would've been the marking point for Alyx to join you, not fucking stand behind you and speak for you, she would've rallied the fucking rebels BEHIND YOU, because hot damn, they're pawns, use them, not like fucking turrets, but people who know their impact can only be felt if thrown behind the weight that is YOU, the PLAYER, who PROVED themselves.

Not just because you have a suit and Kleiner sucked every rebel's dick to like you like a Boyfriend.

Imo, the ending of Bioshock is you deciding to strip everything of yourself away, putting on the suit meant discarding yourself for an image, a hero, a savior.

You die at the end having done good. Having Accomplishments that push you beyond "the chosen one" but instead, in fact

"The One Who Chose"

And Half-Life 2, despite similar gameplays, manages to Utterly, miss that distinction throughout the entire god damned game.

Nothing. Nothing is lazier than writing your story to already have the player be God. Nothing. And HL2 swings for it intentionally as a crutch for any real story telling. Shit just happens, you don't know why, you don't care why, but for some reason, you're every stranger's god.

Despite none of them, not a single one of them, knowing you Killed Alien God, for some reason they act like they were in the Sven server with Gordon at that time.

Gordon in Half Life wasn't "The Chosen One" he was "The One Who Chose to Survive" and your choices softly reflected your morality back at you. Black Mesa understood this by having you save a couple scientists and a guard just before the elevator ladder jump section. You really feel like survivors, and you chose to go through the effort to save others on the way of saving yourself.

HL2 literally never does this. I get like, hindsight, but like, still man, it really goes to show, for me, that it isn't just hindsight, it's just that HL2 is kinda rushed to hell. It feels like an incomplete stepping stone Valve just said "eh, we'll finish it later" and now later is here and they still have actually nothing.

What...do you do...to continue HL2? No really. What do you do? If you want to try a radical change of setting like HL to HL2, you kinda can't? I mean, maybe the Borealis?

But let's be honest, the entire idea of "oh the world is being sucked of it's resources and nutrients so it's dying and turning grey" absolutely Fucked them artistically. You can make a Backrooms of City 17 it's so repetitive, grey and lifeless. That's it's intention, yeah, but remember how the Beta, even if you disagree with it's direction, still had, you know, color, artistry, an effort...

Nobody told Valve "make the game's visuals ugly, grey, tedious, repetitive, and boring" they just...did that. Even though HL1 showed you can have alot of grey, and also, color. Like. Anyyyyy color. At all. Anything but red from Blood or Exploding Barrels.

Oh. Yeah Cyan-ish Teal. Got uh, literally any other color? Literally. Anything else?

Hilariously Bioshock takes place underwater, and almost every concept art of a location has that same exact coloring going on. Except Bioshock is utterly filled to the brim with colors, lights, destruction. Sure, alot of the planet in HL2 is destroyed but they rarely serve a narrative purpose, just level design purposes at most that never get expanded upon.

HL2 is not...bad. It's just bland. Perhaps it set the standard, but even as a kid, I was majorly let down. I loved the feeling it gave me as a kid, the 360 orange box sound effects and menus absolutely should've been on PC, but that feeling is just not there anymore. I can still go back to Half Life and have those same feelings or new feelings as I can many pieces of art. HL2 lost the shine, not just because everyone used Garry's Mod and dissected every piece of it, but because HL2 just isn't anything outside itself. It didn't redefine FPS, it's a worse HL1, just having a more frontward story ain't an advancement, it's a step down for Half Life as a whole.

Story wasn't the primary focus of Half Life, it was merely the string you held onto as you played the game. Story is the primary focus of HL2, but it acts otherwise during too many moments that utterly disconnect you from it.

To put it simply, I'd have preferred getting into the damn car immediately, having it flip, and then be explained shit on the long fucking ride after being told how to reflip it. Y'know, some actual design and effort, not just making a stupid Vehicle Section separate from the story section which is very separate from the gameplay.

Bioshock has tapes you find and can choose to listen to as you play, now that's not the best system it has it's quirks and flaws, but it's infinitely, Infinitely better than Stopping Everything, to tell me a story, I don't care about, or have heard so much, I'm at the door, spamming E, praying, this one time, maybe, I can skip just a modicum some of this fucking stupid section.

Don't let any idiot tell you "you're just old that's why it's not fun" because they're fucking stupid.

Nah man, you just have higher standards than before. For sure, the sheer excitement is lost, but the feeling is not. The fun is not, the entertainment, is not. It's foolish to say otherwise, you're still a human being capable of feeling and thought at any age man, art isn't just for kids, never has never will. You're just depressed and that quite literally rewires your memory and joy fluids to be worse and get worse. You're not old, you're just sad. Don't project yourself onto me, for I will project my better self upon you.

and Half Life 2 does not hold up. because Bioshock basically did everything Half-Life, Doom/Quake, and System Shock did, but better. Primarily, in Gameplay, not just Story. Gameplay. you know, the fucking thing? Imagine if videos or movies, could only play, so long as you crank them, that's what story-based gaming is! Now imagine, instead, you are controlling the characters on screen, that, that is gaming. We can debate cutscenes another time but trust me, I hate them, and your argument won't work on me, I already hate that there's cutscenes in Bioshock, but it's not trying to be Half Life, so it's fine enough to me.

[dzpenumbra]

1/3/23

Today was pretty decent. Pretty fackin decent, Julian.

I slept like shit. Yep, despite being super exhausted last night, I slept like ass. Woke up at least 5 times. Got up when my cat puked on the floor again, this time was not a hairball. I have no idea what to do when that happens. I brought it up with the vet and they barely reacted. Like she's either puked up a hairball or just fluid probably... 4 days this week? At least? And she has thyroid problems and kidney disease. So like... I feel like I should be doing something about it, or at least be concerned... But my theory on it is that she's being fed too far apart. I mean... too close together... Agh it's complicated. I feed her in the AM (like 1 or 2 PM), and I get my first bit of food. Then we both feed at like... 8PM? Maybe 9? And then we both don't eat until the next cycle starts. That's just what life has been since I stopped free-feeding her a while back. And now she's on a super strict prescription diet, she doesn't even get treats, so... I kinda have to schedule feed her. It's a tricky one. The answer really is to get up earlier, but I've really been struggling with sleep.

Weirdly enough, the problem is not falling asleep, which used to be the big problem for like over a decade. The issue is staying asleep and getting to bed. When I get trauma shit set off, I feel like... I am more prone to self-soothe, self-care. Which is good, it's very good. But... I do tend to hyperfocus on it, because I will not settle for a mediocre self-care method, I will find the best one out there. And then I get sucked into it big-time, because it's working. Then I look at the clock, and it's 5:30AM. This happens constantly and it doesn't really matter whether my normal sleep schedule is in place or not. I could be on a normal bedtime of like... 1AM, and I'll just be so engrossed in my self-care thing that I just... ignore my tiredness. Like the ancient meme from the Civilization series "just one more turn..."

And that's the most depressing part, because honestly, I would rather be playing a game or making art or music or whatever the thing I was engrossed in was. Because going to sleep is a risk. It's a chance that I'm gonna get some really nasty dreams. The thing I'm hyperfocused on is safe, it's good. So that's tricky. But that shock to my sleep schedule doesn't right itself overnight. Emotions need to recover first. But, during the winter, I lose a lot of my go-to emotional healing methods... specifically... going into nature. Because it gets dark at fucking 4PM, and when things are rough I'm not getting out of bed until like 2. Mandatory shower is half an hour. Caffeine and food is another half hour. Then I look at the clock and I have an hour to do anything. Say I want to go to this State Park. 18 minute drive. I have 40 minutes, and my ass isn't walking back to my car through the woods in the dark, so cut that in half. 20 minutes in, 20 minutes out. I hate to ask "is it worth it?" but like... is it? I feel like it'll just leave me frustrated and wanting more.

So yeah, PTSD strikes again. Go figure, staying up 5 hours past your normal sleep time for a few days completely throws your life off. Who woulda guessed?

On a less dark note, I got my furniture list put together, that was good. I was actually really locked in as far as getting house stuff on paper. Now I have more of an idea of what I'm looking for from Goodwill or the Habitat for Humanity place when I go.

I called the vet, I made sure they had more of the prescription food for Max, got them to order more of her arthritis supplements and set up a follow up appointment to check her blood levels. Poor thing, she's going through so much. At least she gets Gabapentin every night, she's gettin some real good sleep.

I did my yoga, it was good. The theme was "Listen" which I thought was ironic because I couldn't hear half of what she was saying, I guess I had the volume too low. I also couldn't follow some of it because I didn't really know what pose she was transitioning into, I don't really know the poses, so... I did my best. My hamstrings and my hips are in rough shape, my lower back feels like it just straight up doesn't bend... my shoulders have always carried all of my tension and are finally getting the rust out of the hinges, and my neck is slowly starting to come back into some semblance of a normal human neck. It's gonna take time to fix my horrible posture, but it's worth the work.

The big highlight of the day was getting my big comfy chair. I've been waiting for it, and it finally got delivered. It's a 6 foot beanbag style chair filled with shredded memory foam. Max has been sleeping in it all night, she absolutely loves it! I do too, it just needs some more time to expand I think, they said it can take up to 4-5 days to like... get where it's supposed to be. It's still cool, and I'm really glad to have it.

But here's where it gets a bit complicated. So... when I'm in my comfy chair... what do I do? I was picturing watching TV or something, just chilling and getting really comfy and watching something, but... I don't have a TV anymore. So I have to like... figure out a TV. And figure out what to hook it up to. It just isn't as simple as it used to be. Plus, this is the part that was a little... tough to process today. I haven't been shopping for a TV, or even looked at TVs or monitors in like... probably over 10 years. I think my current monitor is about 10 years old, maybe 8 or 9 minimum? So... I go... "okay, I just need a TV and maybe a wireless receiver or something and I'll be good, I guess?" Because I've seen people cast stuff from their phones to TVs before, so I know it's a thing, and... okay, I'm gonna simplify this thought because I'm super tired. I felt super old. TVs and monitors are basically the same thing, and TVs now all have operating systems and shit on them? Which I don't really... need, honestly. And monitors are not the right size for what I'm looking for. So it just kinda culture shocked me a bit, I guess. Like every fucking TV has a Siri built into it now, it's odd to me. But, I'm pretty sure I found a TV that has Chromecast built into it, and that might (and I stress, might) do what I want it to do. So I might opt for that.

Okay, seriously, I shit you not, I am doing all of this to avoid fucking advertisements and avoid being cornered and peer-pressured and forced into buying a subscription to something. I just want to watch my YouTube, maybe some Netflix stuff on my family account? And Twitch when I'm in the mood. And play Xbox sometimes. And not be bombarded by fucking ads. That's all. I don't think that's too much to ask. And my computer can do that. But I can't do that in my comfy chair at my computer. So...

Okay, I've lost interest in this, I'm sure anyone reading had long before I did. I just felt old doing that. Looking at tech nowadays and just getting frustrated because everything is made to "make things easier", on the assumption that you want to do what they want you to do. And then they intentionally engineer it to be super difficult to do things they might not want you to do. And they really don't talk about that part much, you know? So yeah, ease-of-use? Definitely. But not user-friendly. And I am straight up NOT shelling out that kinda cash for an ad machine, sorry. I might've tolerated it in the past to a degree, but targeting schizophrenia injection medications to someone in extreme isolation during the pandemic every fucking day is... abuse of advertising privileges. It's really fucked up. You don't target people with mental health issues and try to sell them medications, you are not doctors, you are not prescribers, we cannot buy these medications, just stop. Until they put a little more work into actually getting their demographics right, I'm not willing to pay that kind of price so that someone can make a few pennies. I feel like they could be advertising booze to recovering alcoholics and would not give half a shit. Oh shit, let's not forget the Reddit ads I was getting for bulletproof vests when I was moving to the city for the first time, really fucking helping the mental health crisis in our country there, assholes.

Tired. Okay. Good vibes, let's find them. Played the Ancestors game again tonight. Had a surprisingly good story line this time. Rescued a male, the two females got pregnant, then rescued another female after the male was tragically mauled by one of the 20,000 gigantic mean-ass cats around. The new female was sent out on an expedition to explore. She ended up finding where the old settlement was, surprisingly not too far away. And came really close to dying from a snakebite, like barely survived. Then she found a male stranded in a tree, dying of thirst with a gigantic anaconda nest at the base of the tree. She went to get him a coconut, but fell from the tree and broke her arm. She still soldiered up and got him the coconut, he joined her, they started heading back to the settlement. The male told her to stay put and went to get something to help with the broken bone, he gets sliced up by a big cat and they both have to book it. He's bleeding out. They make it to a river and patch both of their wounds. The river happens to be the one that the settlement is at, at the top of the waterfall. They breed, and at the end of the recording tonight, I had to figure out how to make them give birth. Yep, you have to manually give birth to offspring, it's not like... wait for them to mature, it's like... welp, you're pregnant so... give birth whenever I guess. It totally makes sense... But, logical fallacy aside, three babies were born. So I'm not locked anymore, and the tribe has a chance to grow and evolve. Yay.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of consciousness #stream of thoughts

[echo-of-sounds]

daddy dom pt.2

Headcanons on the types of Daddy Dom Toshinori, Hizashi, and Fatgum are. 

All three of these men are underappreciated. 

Warnings: Daddy Dom relationship, (the rest is only mentioned, there’s no real detail) punishments, slapping, spanking (with and without a paddle), anal play, ball gags, handcuffs, and rough sex

Yagi Toshinori

Toshinori’s been exposed to dominant play in sex, but it’s never captured his interest. Sex to him is sensitive, sensual, and intimate. The harsher side, slapping, choking, and anything close to rough, he is more than unenthusiastic towards. He can’t find pleasure in pain, even if the pain gives you pleasure. It’s caused so much heartache in his life, and he truly can’t bring himself to incorporate it during a time that’s supposed to be passionate and loving.

However, he isn’t opposed to being a Daddy. When you bring it up, he reads about and talks to you about it in detail before making a decision. He doesn’t mind being dominant. In fact, he quite enjoys being your protector, someone who you can confide in, who you can snuggle up against, sheltered in his arms while he pets and kneads your body. He’s your number one supporter and shields you from the stress of the world.

Toshi is the sweetest Daddy. You’re his sweetie, his sweetheart, and his sweet girl. Whatever catches your eye, he keeps in mind to buy for a present because he overindulges your every whim. He has money. He has the necessities. He rarely buys himself expensive, lavish things, which means he has plenty of money to spoil you with: books and movies you’re interested in, new clothing and jewelry, that adorable stuffed animal you reluctantly walked past, board, card, and video games, lotion, blankets, etc… 

He dislikes punishment and so very rarely uses it. It’s at most a light spanking to get your attention. Daddy prefers positive reinforcement and talking to you about your misbehavior. That way, you can understand who important listening is, especially when it comes to his rules. You shouldn’t eat too many cookies because it’ll upset your stomach. You shouldn’t leave clothes and books strewn across the floor because someone could slip and fall. You shouldn’t cum before he permits because he is your Daddy and listening to him is important. The second you apologize, he’s back to caressing and kissing you.

You should always try to wear Daddy’s favorite colors. It gets you more cuddles and compliments. Anything in lilac, baby pink, and soft cream draws his hands towards you like a magnet. Panties with cute, little bows are a cherry on top. Wear a cream dress at home. Your lavender panties can be seen through the thin material. From across the room, you can feel his eyes. He’ll eventually tell you to come and sit on his lap. He massages your sides as you rest on his shoulder. If you want, start grinding. Your gradually wetting underwear informs him of your arousal. Don’t worry, he’ll take care of it for you.

For bedtime, he has a soft spot for cock warming. He absolutely loves falling asleep when you’re connected. He’ll lay down. You just have to straddle him and slip him inside. Don’t move. Simply lay on his chest, kissing his collarbones and neck, drowsily mumbling how and why you love him. His hums of love warm your body. His breath warms your skin. As you start to drift off, his arms cushion you safe and sound- your own little safe haven. 

Soft sex is the norm. Daddy’s respectful, attentive, devoted, and eager to feel the heat of your body. Each easy thrust pushes deep, stretching you to fit him perfectly. Don’t hide your face or moans. They urge his hips to forage for more. When you’re fussing because you’re right there, he speeds up, kissing you profoundly, fiercely, whispering in his amorous, baritone voice, “It’s okay, Sweetie. Let yourself cum. Daddy’s right here. Daddy’s right here.”

Because of Toshi’s physical health, he isn’t able to have sex as frequently as the other guys. But he still pampers you plenty. He’ll buy you a pink vibrator to circle your clit with. You can ride his bare thigh, spreading your wetness over him as he guides your hips. He’ll watch you hump a pillow and cry out for your Daddy. He’ll finger you till you’re satisfied. He just wishes you to be pleased however, and whenever you need it. 

Rough sex isn’t exactly rough sex. But you do get to ride Daddy however you want. You can bounce excitedly or grind hastily or buck in sheer, vulgar heat. His compliments mix into groans the more you ride. He sucks your breasts. He spanks your ass. He grips your thighs until his nails nearly cut skin. It’s the time for you to have your fun and make Daddy feel pleasured like he always does for you.

Yamada Hizashi

Straightaway, Hizashi knew dominance was something he wanted. He likes leading and commanding someone under him, probing, inspecting, and licking every part of them. When you start a relationship, he opens up to you, wanting to know what you do and don’t like, and his interests are shared back.

You’re his one and only baby girl. No one else gets that name but you. You’re his teddy bear, snuggling you at bedtime. He shows you new places, feeds you new foods, and gives you new experiences you’ve never had before. Your joy and delight is the epitome of beauty. He strives to see it in your eyes and smile as much as possible.

On top of being his baby, you’re also his little experiment. He does everything to you, in whatever way he wants: fingering your ass, slowly spreading you wider and wider, praising your patience; having you ride two dildos at once as he watches your breasts and expressions; forcing you to stand still with a vibrator deep within you, unable to cum or whine or even move until he’s completely and utterly satisfied. No matter what it is, he just likes having fun and thinking of new ways to make you squirm.

When he’s out and about, go onto his laptop and search for whatever you want. Do those panties look incredibly comfortable? Add it to his cart. Is that necklace calling your name? Add it to his cart. Is that cute glass wand something you want to play with? Add it to his cart. He’ll buy them all. And the second they arrive, you better use them. Wear only the panties and necklace. Lick and rub yourself with the dildo. Show him just how much you enjoy the presents.

One thing you can do to help your Daddy relax is to let him suck your breasts. Hizashi hides his stress well. When he’s abnormally snugly, burrowing his head into your chest, hibernating under the blankets with you, it’s stress. Take off your shirt, and he’ll attach to your nipple. It’s not sexual. Something to nurse on is soothing for him. Daddies need comfort too!

Hizashi is super playful when he’s in his Daddy mode (not that different from his usual self, but he’s more hyperfocused on you). Keep in mind that that doesn’t mean he won’t discipline you after any mischief. If you don’t follow the list of rules on the fridge, fun Daddy goes away and it’s punishment time. His go-tos are timeouts, no phone, no Tv, early bedtime and, as much as it pains him, no cuddling.

When you’re being really disobedient, his voice lowers, grating his throat, vibrating his chest. It’s definitely provoking. His spankings even more so. As he stuffs you full of anal beads, you begin to think it isn’t even a punishment. But then he blindfolds and ties you up. You’re left all alone in the bedroom, in the cold air, can’t see, can’t move, only able to feel the toys gorged deep inside you for hours. If you fuss, he comes and puts a ball gag in your mouth. It’s best to wait it out until he’s convinced you’ve been appropriately disciplined.

Punishments often transition into rough, fast, dominating sex. You’re still bound and gagged and stuffed as his thrusts start. Let him hear your helpless whimpers. Let him listen to your drenched, lewd sex every time he sinks deep. He spreads you wide open and fondles you however he wants. Don’t be a bad girl. Grant him ownership of your body. It frequently ends with him cumming in your ass and plugging it with a butt plug. Keep it inside because the punishment isn’t over.

While he does enjoy the rough and tough, Daddy also values slowing down, kissing your body, and gifting you with plenty of loyal, loving rapture. You can choose the position: do you want to ride him as he kisses you? Or do you want Daddy to draw out his time on top of you, thrusting deep and intensely, giving you all the pleasure in the world? Either way, he makes do, nuzzling your neck, squeezing your thighs, praising his baby girl for everything she is.

Taishiro Toyomitsu

Taishiro is naturally so playful and so willing to experiment. The way he unconsciously praises his partner is a hint to his inner Daddy just waiting to come out. He sighs, ‘that’s a good girl’ as you blow him. He groans, ‘good job, baby’ as you cum. He grunts, ‘you’re taking me perfectly’ as he releases, thick and heavy, inside you. All you have to do is whimper for your Daddy and from then on out, that’s exactly who he is.

Baby, baby girl, little girl, good girl, Daddy uses them all. You’re his major weakness. He’s your biggest cheerleader, your safest space, your confidant, the one you can run to when you’re upset, overwhelmed, excited, and scared. He never wants you to feel alone. It’s a Daddy’s responsibility to ensure his little girl feels respected and heard, and he always assures you’re loved.

Daddy loves bathing you. He sits beside the tub and washes your back. He’ll coo loving praises as he cleans your body thoroughly. The plush washcloth and soothing soap brushes feather-light across your shoulders, down your back, and between your legs, making sure you’re neat (and cute) as a button. After you’re wrapped in a huge, fluffy towel and carried to bed where you’re slowly patted dry. Then he bundles you to his chest for sleep.

Compliments your ‘pretty pussy’ all the time. It’s Daddy’s and it’s beautiful. When he’s watching TV and the mood strikes, he slowly lays you down, lifts your dress, takes off your panties, and fingers and stretches and strokes you to his heart’s content. But he won’t let you orgasm. And you can’t complain or touch yourself. You can only lay open for his pleasure. He delights in your tongue sticking out, searching for something to suck on, and your glazed-over eyes silently begging for him to give you so much more.

Tai is definitely the type of Daddy who likes to be comforted now and then. He tries to hide his insecurities so you don’t worry. But he deserves the care and attention he’s always showing you. When he’s fidgeting with his clothes, ask him for some skin-to-skin cuddling. Kiss his stretch marks. Sigh or sing for him. Just woo his beautiful, handsome heart.

Cock warming is one of his favorites. It can be a punishment when you’re back talking or not listening. He makes you sit there for hours, your wet, swollen lips around his cock as you squirm, trying not to touch yourself. Then when he finally finishes, that’s it. You don’t get any gratification for misbehaving. It pleases the dom part of Daddy Dom. He also uses it whenever he misses you and your body. You sit on him and relax against his tummy, softly kissing, gently stroking him as both your arousals drip and mix together.

Rough sex means you’re going to get controlled. Cute, pink nipple clamps go on, handcuffs restrain your wrists behind your back, and a paddle will spank your ass raw. The paddle has little hearts in it, imprinting the designs onto your sore skin. Every thrust jerks your body, bearing his weight brutally into you. Every clit slap arches your back, harsher and higher. Every little sound you make will be praised, earning you more and more spankings. As you cum, the thrusts keep on coming, fully intent on making you orgasm until the sheets are soaked.

But when you finally collapse, Daddy tenderly releases your hands, gently lifts you, then carries you off for a warm bubble bath. If you ask, he’ll most certainly join. Arms will cradle you perfectly to his chest. Lips kiss all over your shoulders and chest, cherishing your scars, idolizing blemishes, worshiping every inch. He wants you to know and feel how much he treasures you, especially after particularly rough sex.

To start soft sex, Daddy expects you to sit on his face. Grind as his tongue tastes all of you. You have to cum on his face at least once before proceeding. That’s his one rule during lovemaking. Other than that, you can ask for anything, and he’ll oblige. Holding you close, he walks you through every orgasm, asking, ‘how much do you love Daddy?’ With how highly he coddles and comforts you, it’s indescribable. 

#All Might #all might x reader #yagi toshinori #toshinori x reader #present mic #present mic x reader #yamada hizashi #hizashi x reader #fatgum #fatgum x reader #taishiro toyomitsu #taishiro toyomitsu x reader #all might imagine #present mic imagine #fatgum imagine #bnha imagines #bnha x reader #bnha smut #bnha #tw daddy kink #tw slapping

[obeymeluv]

Red String of Fate (Pt. 2)

See “Red String of Fate” for the drabble lead up + Lucifer, Mammon, and Asmo. This post has Levi, Satan, Belphie, and Beel

To Levi:

Doesn’t understand what it is

Tries to shake it off without breaking his game mojo

Ends up getting it accidentally wrapped around the joysticks, losing the match, and spends the next few minutes silently fuming and trying to untangle everything

His tail slaps angrily against the floor as he grumbles and huffs, trying to be extremely delicate with whatever disaster this is

 Finally succeeds and stares at his finger in silence for a few seconds, trying to pick the knot.

Starts trying to pull it off. It doesn’t work.

Asks his friends what it could be

Asks whatever the Devildom equivalent of Google is

Makes the “OooOOOOooh!” because this sounds like a sure thing?! A definite soulmate?!

THERE IS SOMEONE FOR HIM, A LOWLY, YUCKY OTAKU?!

Levi explodes out of his room like the aquarium has busted and will flood the whole house

His pupils are doing the slit-narrow hyperfocused hunter thing as he tracks the red string like an enemy through a scope

Accidentally mows you down trying to speed walk to the end of the string.

Is super excited about the string now. HOW LONG IS IT? WHERE DOES IT GO? WHO’S AT THE END?!

You hear his tail wagging and slapping things before you see him, and that’s 0.5 seconds before he mows into you.

Accidentally steps on your foot in the process, so you fall in an graceless lump.

Levi’s pulling at the string like an excited kid. WHERE DOES IT GO, WHERE DOES IT GO? WHERE DOES IT GO?

Realizes he’s pulling your hand up and tugs on it a little in disbelief. Ends up making you wave at him and he gives a little giggle.

Then it hits him all over again and you get another “OooOOOOoooH!”

Scoops you up off the floor, tail wagging enough to take the breath out of Asmo.

He holds you to his chest and feels like some victorious Henry. Hopes the lighting is good and that this moment is as magical for you as it is for him. (Does his hair look good?). The pinky-red smoke is basically like a cool anime effect, right?

Levi gives the shyest, softest ‘mine’, as he cradles you to his chest. He purrs a little, tucking his tail up towards your body, basically offering it for you to hold.

His room is your little private palace. He hopes you like it.

To Satan:

Was quite content minding his own business, reading for pleasure after a long day of reading for necessity (i.e: school)

Doesn’t really feel it at first. He turns a page and hears this absolutely maddening drag of a scrape that makes him want to stab someone.

Sees the string. Tries to flick it off. Proceeds to shake his finger. That doesn’t work, so he tries to roll it off or at least roll it to the tip of his finger

Satan slams his book down with a furrow in his brow and transitions to his demon form. Starts trying to fray it with his claws. When chewing on it and trying to break it on his horns don’t work, he stalks up his bookshelves to find the section on Hexes and Curses

Imagine his surprise (and yours) when you and Asmo enter his room. The supposed love or your life is in full demon form and splayed across his bookshelves like a spitting lizard. Or a dragon defending its hoard.

Asmo is BEYOND disappointed. Kind of aggravated. “THE worst way to find a soulmate EVER!” Asmo picks up the closest book and throws it at him for good measure (it misses by a long shot).

He yanks on the string, trying to rip him off the bookshelf.

Satan drops down, already back to his normal form by the time he lands on his feet, and stomps over with mild indignation that someone could call him THE WORST at something

Also: what the hell is going on?!

Asmo explains and Satan goes very, very red. He’s completely at a loss.

Well...at least he knows you’re a sure thing! In a way, it’s good to know you’ll have someone no matter how much of an ass you make of yourself

You take the hand from his mouth, the pinky-red smoke seeming to frame you both, and jokingly ask if he has any good books to take your mind off things.

“Certainly, but perhaps you’d be more interested to hear about that over dinner?” (”That’s better!” Asmo nods and crosses his arms, walking out of the room as if he fixed the problem).

To Beel:

You should be grateful he was already at the House of Lamentation, having a post-homework snack, when the red string appear.

Who knows how hard or how far you’d be dragged if he was at sports practice?!

Beel doesn’t notice it until his next bite, when something catches against his fangs and slips out of his mouth. It tickled his lips and made him do a double-take

He’s in the middle of sucking sauce off his finger when he confirms the string is not flavored or edible.

Is kind of annoyed he has to switch to eating with one hand

Wants to ignore it because he can still reach the fridge and cabinets but gets annoyed when it catches across the table and tries to knock over little things like salt and pepper shakers

Takes a big bite of his current food item (a sandwich), sets it down, and starts fishing through the draws for knives

None of the knives work. He has moved to the cleavers

Chips away at some of the prep table so he stops with the cleavers.

Tries to burn it off. Does not work

Beel isn’t sure what to do, so he grabs his sandwich and goes to Lucifer

On the way to Lucifer, he hears Asmo crow down the hall “AHHH! IT’S TO BEEL! MY DARLING BABY BROTHER! OOH, THE CUTEST! IT’S PERFECT!” way before he sees him or you

This lovely big boi just stands there, a little confused and expecting Asmo to explain it (as he always does. Asmo always has something to talk about)

Asmo’s got you by the arm and is running towards Beel. Beel finally notices the excess of red string, and that you’re tangling in it.

You fall against him and a cloud of sweet pinky-red smoke explodes around him.

Smells like sweets should taste. He wants some Celestial Realm sweets now

“A soulmate, huh?” Beelzebub looks down at you. His cheeks slowly pinken as that genuine but sly smile spreads on his face. There could be worse people, for sure. “Want to go celebrate?” he gives you the biggest puppy dog eyes.

You can’t say no. Beel holds your hand all the way to the restaurant.

To Belphegor:

There is a new texture near him and he doesn’t like it

Belphie doesn’t open his eyes, but he tries to adjust his blankets and pillows until he doesn’t feel it

When this doesn’t work and he sense the thing is still around, Belphie opens his eyes to see he’s tied up in the stuff

Grumpy, sleepy boy

Demon chirps/churrs for Beel to help him

After his big bro helps him untangle, Belphie sulks around, dragging his pillow, to figure out where this thing goes and what the hell it is

Probably tries to fry it with a bit of magic, but it fizzles out the second sparks touch the string.

Belphie may be the sleepy kind of lazy, but he knows his magic spells. That one SHOULD work.

A spark of interest has him a little more awake now. Belphie straightens up and walks a little lighter

“I didn’t expect anything grand since Belphie’s so tired, but this has its own charm.” Asmo critiques, touching a few fingers to his lips to smother a giggle.

Belphie does look quite adorable, standing there with a dash of confusion amongst his exhaustion. Bonus points for his cute little pillow dragging the floor behind him.

All of the bros know better than to mess with his naps and Belphie’s glare is slowly powering up. Asmo has a few seconds to explain before Belphie knocks him into the nearest wall with the pillow. It WILL hurt.

Asmo keeps teasing and hemming and hawing, and it’s not until the pillow is literally over Belphie’s shoulder (gearing up for the down-swing) that Asmo blurts out “SOULMATES! YOU HAVE A SOUL MATE! THEY ARE YOUR SOUL MATE!”

You become the sacrificial lamb, Asmo shoving you towards Belphegor to save his hair (mostly)

The pillow slides over the top of your head and down your back as Belphegor slowly brings his arms around you in a hug. A nervous hug. A shocked hug.

Someone like him gets a soulmate? That almost seems to generous.

That pinky-red smoke explodes in his face. Belphie sneezes cutely. Cuter than he’d like to own up to.

The action causes him to bump his head against you. At first it hurts but his brain quickly overrules the inconvenience to realize how nice your hair is and how he can lean his head on you

His body melts into yours and Belphie barely has the forethought to tuck the pillow under your head as his body weight sends you both crashing to the floor.

Totally ignores Asmo yelling “BELPHIE, NO!” in the background as he tries to catch you or prop you up. Belphie actually slaps him with his tail and continues to the fall to the floor.

The pillow will protect you. He has full confidence

“Sleepy,” he mutters, readjusting his head until it fits nicely in the curve of your neck. He kind of wishes he brought a blanket.

You tentatively pat his head and play with his hair. Belphie purrs, tail sweeping the floor.

#Obey me! #Obey me! x Reader #Satan x Reader #Belphegor x Reader #Belphie x Reader #Beelzebub x Reader #Beel x Reader #Levi x Reader #Leviathan x Reader

[robotslenderman]

I love my friend so much bc

they just admitted that when I'm on a rant they have minimal engagement and just let me get it out of my system bc they know once it's off my chest it's fine

and honestly I'm really relieved to hear that bc

I feel really self conscious about my bitch sessions

but I NEED to let them out or I obsess over whatever petty shit pissed me off

so hearing that someone just lets me get it out of my system and that they accept I'm just Like That makes me feel so much better

Like I hope it's not a burden on them but. when I'm like that. it's not because I want validation or even want someone to have the same views as me (even though it may seem like that). it's me having an Emotion that I need to GET THE HELL OUT and once it's out I'm happy as Larry again. and I really hope it doesn't suck for people but being allowed to blow off that steam without anyone feeling obligated to feed it feels so relieving.

I don't want people to agree with me or feed it or feel that they have to entertain it. Just a "yeah I hear you" and space to let it out is literally all I need. Just send a heart emoji and then go back to ignoring me and I feel better.

getting off the Cymbalta has massively chilled out my pissy moments but I get these moments over the DUMBEST, pettiest shit and trust me I'm just as sick of it as everyone else is so at this point I just let it out and move on bc it's not going away. or rather. it has a bit, now I'm no longer on the Cymbalta (serotonin. anything that messes with my serotonin gives me a temper), but like. I've just accepted I'm Like This and try to let it out ASAP so I'm not stewing over it and letting it affect my life or relationships.

I just get mad over dumb shit and hyperfocus on it til I let it out.

So yeah if anyone feels obliged to pat my hand through these - don't. Just smile and nod and let me handle my shit out loud and I'll get over it. I literally never noticed, in our over 10 years of friendship, that my friend did this. That is how hyperfocused I get on these emotions. I just need to vent them enough to break the hyperfocus then I'm fine. that's what my whole #dusty has opinions tag is for - venting about stuff that's crawled up my ass that the pit bull of my brain won't let go until it's chewed it.

#💜💜💜 #Dusty talks #navel gazing #actually ADHD #emotional impulsivity and poor emotional regulation SUCK

[bisexualsforprompto]

The Burden of the Bond Pt. 2

So sorry it took so long guys! Hope it’s worth the wait :)

Also I just need to say a few things!!!!!!

1. OMFG GUYS!!!! Tomorrow (October 5th) marks a WHOLE YEAR OF MY WRITING! I’m absolutely thrilled, sharing my writing with all of you has absolutely made me a better person and writer. I’m more confident thanks to all of you ❤️

2. School has been kicking my ass recently and reading all of your comments on the first part of this when I went to see who asked to be tagged made my day and honestly, has made me be able to smile and forgot about all my stress for a little while

TLDR: I love you all so very much ❤️ now enjoy!!!!!

Part one

After walking through Gotham for only a few weeks Marinette had already adjusted her routine and mannerisms. Every time she took a step in the dark, gloomy city was a step closer to danger.

In a way, it was almost training for her. A reminder to stay on her guard. That no matter what could happen to her in this godforsaken city, there was still a threat looming out there that was far worse.

Sucking in a breath, Marinette began to take a casual stroll down the street, on the lookout for any signs of trouble.

The longer she stayed in Gotham the more she realized that she stuck out like a sore thumb. Not because of her dirty clothes, that was normal here, in fact if she ever had worn something else (like clothes she used to sketch out back when she wanted to go into design) she might’ve stuck out even more. No, it was because of how she acted.

Timid and meek, caring at times, always letting others push through her. She was nothing like the shrewd Gothamites who thrived off of the cruelty they were forced to show. How odd that a place could do that to a person. Harden them past the point of no return. Marinette could feel the darkness emitting from Gotham the moment she arrived, it almost shook her. Though, she had experienced far more darkness…

After so long of running in constant fear and never treated better than a mere extra in a movie, one would think Marinette would’ve made a tougher exterior for herself, and yet, she stayed soft in some ways. To blend in though, she realized that would have to change.

Gathering some Gotham standard courage and abrasion, Marinette squirmed her way through a large crowd walking down a bustling street. When she was gifted with glares and some obscenities she knew she was getting all the better at hiding in the crowd.

She breathed in the polluted air and let out a sigh as she walked past a somewhat abandoned looking bakery. It seemed to be filled with cobwebs inside, and it had a rather dilapidated exterior, but it still managed to make Marinette’s heart ache.

She thought of the days in the bakery with her parents...they were warm and loving. Her dad smelled like bread and flour while her mother always seemed to smell of flowers and pastries. She could almost breathe in their soothing scents now.

Blinking back tears, she took a shaky breath. Leaving them was necessary for both their safety and her own. She couldn’t put it past Damian to go after her family.

It didn’t make leaving hurt any less though…

Taking a deep breath inwards, Marinette focused back on those days. Spilling flour all over herself, laughing with her old friends, making quasi dresses for her dolls. She set on a relieved smile, the memories were one thing that he could never take away from her. Not that all of them were pleasant, but even the bad times still made her wish she was back in Paris.

Sometimes Marinette wondered where she would be if she had a different soulmate, or even had none. Maybe she could’ve been a designer, the thought made her chest flutter, she still had a small passion for fashion.

Reflecting on her past hobby, Marinette let out a contented sigh. She closed her eyes for a split second before realizing she was still in front of the bakery, simply standing in front of the window.

She shook herself out of it and chastised herself for not staying vigilant. She continued walking down the street, taking in the different sights and sounds. Hyperfocusing on the people leisurely walking down the sidewalk, scanning for familiar faces, remembering that recognizing one could spell her doom.

Clenching her hands into fists, Marinette ventured on. She found herself near one of Gotham’s many dark alleys.

The occasional noise from an alley was expected, but Marinette was certainly not expecting a blood curdling scream.

The busy street kept moving however, nobody sparing even a look to where the sound had come from.

Marinette stopped in her tracks, earning her dirty looks from those behind her.

“Help me! Someone help me, please!” A feminine voice cried out.

Marinette began to peer down the alley, but wasn’t able to get a good look at what was going down.

“S-shouldn't someone help them?” She asked shyly, almost to herself.

The question gave a myriad of responses, but each eye roll, scoff, “Batman will come soon,” and chuckle gave the same answer; don’t bother.

Another scream came from the alley.

Logically, Marinette knew if there was a real problem, she wouldn’t be much help, but yet something in her wanted to move.

Whimpers and yelps followed, Marinette still dumbfounded and stuck in place.

She grit her teeth as she wondered what to do.

Should she try to help? Should she run in the other direction?

The choice seemed murky to her, but before she knew it…

Her feet moved on their own.

Tags <3:

@theg0ddesspersephone @pawsitivelymiraculous @redscarlet95 @animegirlweeb @i-am-ironic @thatonecroc @enternalempires @miracleofdisaster @lunerlover2024 @purplegeekypanda @dwomegafx @our-preciousss @dnsakina @frieddonutsweets @kris-pines04 @2confused-2doanything @myazael @danielslilangel @neromerp13 @indecisive-mess-named-me @lilkymilky @para-dox-normal @dast218 @bee-wrecker @prudencerka @junarvion @trippingovermyfeet t @jeminiikrystal @fusser90 @vixen-uchiha @flyingfish3 @deepestobservationwombat @lilyreadbooks12 @readingalldaysleepingallnight @sassakitty @velvetterabby @rethyo @princertain @alysrose-starchild @moongoddesskiana @kass-is-weird @faunrasthewinterelf @maskedpainter

#Maribat #daminette #Damianette #daminette angst #daminette soulmate au #I CANNOT BELIEVE TOMORROW MARKS A YEAR IM LITERALLY SO EXCITEDDDD

[not-ready-for-sheeh]

Mmh i just saw a picture of Ichi with a vacuum and started to wonder how would cleaning day go in matsu household?

Lol i actually love the images i get in my head for this

Osomatsu:

• Sweeping/dusting duty

• You know with like a feather duster

• Uses it as a chance to relive some of the stuff

• Tells stories about everything

• Even this one fork he remembered throwing and it landed between the tv and the wall

• Get’s distracted a lot

• Bored

• Only motivated to sweep w/ someone else

• Might circle the house

• Pranks

• ”Osomatsu....did you just stack all the furniture”

• ”It’s a wonderful finesse”

• ”You took the fucking tv out of the wall-”

Karamatsu:

• Closet duty

• This man sucks at mantaining all his damn clutter

• Like he’s disorganized dude

• Precisely why he’s stuck with closet duty

• Once said he wants to throw away he doesn’t use

• Whines occasionally when he’s bored

• Ends up finding all his knick-knacks

• And an uneaten sandwich

• Contemplates eating said sandwich

• May just set it aside

• Where Jyushi will spot it

• And steal it

• ”What’s in this?? Is this mayo?? Or mustard?? Relish??”

• ”BROTHER NO-”

Choromatsu:

• Manager duty

• Yelling ball of bossiness

• 400% willing to fling someone out a window

• Doesn’t do much

• (When he gets pointed out, he denies it severely)

• ”Y’all ungrateful morons can at least make this place clean instead of sitting around snorting pringle powder like cavemen”

• ”I’m willing to starve against this shit”

• ”WHAT DID YOU SAY?”

• ”Nothing your majesty-”

Ichimatsu:

• Reparation duty

• Probably handling the small stuff they’ve been meaning to fix up

• Wearing construction belt

• Choromatsu insisted on strapping a hard hat onto his head

• Grumbling to himself

• Eating sandwiches

• Napped on a bench outside

• ”Shittymatsu if you so much as breathe on the table i just fixed i’ll turn your ears inside out to hear your own stupidity”

• ”Jeez okay brother i’ll just sit on this chair-”

• ”nO I JUST GLUED THA-well. It’s stuck to your ass now, that’s what you get for using only 12 of your IQ points, asshole”

Jyushimatsu:

• Yardwork duty

• One, cuz he has a change of getting the house on fire

• Two, cuz he likes nice days outside

• Rakes together leaves

• Encounters little animals

• And an exploring cat don’t tell ichi

• Somehow turned the cleaning into a day in the sun

• Lays in the grass

• Contemplates the meaning of life

• ”If i glue both my hands to my feet, i’ll just be a neverending circle of human”

• ”JYUSHI CAN YOU HELP ME WI- why are you laying on the ground?”

• ”Can’t talk, need superglue to test a theory”

Todomatsu:

• Laundry duty

• The king of clothing care

• Has piles and piles of separated colors/groups

• Almost threw Osomatsu to the river at some point

• Accidentally ofc

• Is swimming in a warm load of laundry after drying

• Found Ichimatsu napping at the bottom of one pile

• Delicate separating of clothes when folding

• Hyperfocused

• Do not bother him

• He may drown you in bleach

• ”Oh there’s my sweater-”

• ”DO NOT TOUCH WHITE SPECIMEN #42 I HAVE A FUCKING SYSTEM”

#osomatsu san #osomatsu imagines #osomatsu san headcanons #osomatsu headcanons #osomatsu #mr osomatsu #osomatsu fandom #mister osomatsu #ososan headcanons #ososan imagines #ososan #karamatsu headcanons #karamatsu matsuno #karamatsu #choromatsu headcanons #choromatsu matsuno #choromatsu #ichimatsu headcanons #ichimatsu matsuno #ichimatsu #jyushimatsu headcanons #jyushimatsu matsuno #jyushimatsu #todomatsu headcanons #todomatsu matsuno #todomatsu #osomatsu matsuno #anime headcanons #headcanons #headcanon

[mcrmadness]

UMMMMMMMM so I kinda drew something, with pencils, for the first time in 8 years. (If not counting the one I started in 2012 but finished last year, but never posted here because they don’t look like themselves and I still don’t know what to do with the faces.)

Anyhow, this is what I started on Farin’s birthday and wanted to continue so badly every day (night) and just couldn’t do it because my brain is full of shit, until tonight. And apparently had migraine too but I hyperfocused so much I didn’t even notice the pain until I was done with this.

What do you think? I know it’s not perfect, I was kinda trying something new after “studying” different pencil drawing techniques and after learning about things like blending and... well yeah the key word here is blending. I never really blended my artwork before and wanted to try if I could do it this time and I’m pleasantly surprised, actually. Just couldn’t make the blacks black enough (and Farin’s sleeve looks like it’s 2D...), I think there was too much graphite so it didn’t really stick to the paper anymore but it still stayed looking like this so there’s not much dimensions to the blackness. But I’m very pleased with what I could do with the skin! A hint to everyone who loves drawing: eyeshadow applicators!!! I don’t use makeup myself so this was the first time ever I have even bought any makeup tools (had to even check the package for the actual name) and it was for drawing :DDD

I also suck at doing 3D-clothing so those shadows on Bela’s jacket? Ehhhhh not so good. And the bottom part of the jacket looks off because I was using the paper blender but somehow the whole texture changed and then I couldn’t save it anymore. But gotta say that the eraser pencil was the best buy EVER. Even with such thick amount of graphite, I could erase their face lines millions of times without the eraser smudging a thing!!! This saved me from so many temper tantrums because I could shade, erase, blend, erase, shade... as many times as I just wanted and it would still return to white! Amazing! (Plus the electric eraser is also incredible, I did the jacket patterns with it but then pretty much hid them with pencil since they were too thick, and did them again with the eraser pencil. But oh boy is that satisfying to watch the electric eraser go and wipe off the graphite. Me likes.)

As a final note... Note to self: Don’t f*ing choose so difficult-ass photos to draw next time!!! It might look cute and nice to draw on the monitor but once you really get to the actual drawing part, you notice how damn difficult it is actually to see anything. Like this:

The faces? Nothing but weird curves that took me ages to follow because I apparently have problems with that. Also wtf is Farin’s face even? Where the f* is his nose??? I redrew that face three times after signing the paper as finished. Then looked at it and nope, nose was too low. Nose was too round. Too small. Or too sharp! I guess it’s okay now. At least there’s nothing I can do anymore since I already applied the fixative too.

Farin’s left hand caused problems too. It looks ok in the photo but go and try drawing it. After getting every finger drawn, you feel content and happy because it’s done, then you look at the whole hand and you’re like WHAT IS THAT.

Anyhow that was my actual proper pencil drawing for the first time in 8 years and gotta say I was very very scared. Of ruining it. But I love my eraser pencil. It’s my new friend now. I kinda took this one as a practice and I already have other drawings in mind and can’t wait to get to test these techniques - and the eraser pencil! - on those!!!

Reblogging is allowed AND I’d love that if you did so. If you’re looking for only perfect drawings to reblog, you ain’t going to get those from me, so if you choose not to reblog because of that, fair enough but I gotta admit it makes me a little bit sad. I can’t do perfect photorealism but I’m still learning and improving all the time and it’s (finally) enough for me, and you shouldn’t compare my drawings to other people’s art anyway because I stopped doing that, too. Thank you for everyone who does reblog. (Liking doesn’t do shit on this hellsite.)

#mcrmadness draws #my drawings #die ärzte #dä fanart #belafarin #don't like long posts? well rip to your brains but I'm different #fub #also you don't tell me what to do - the long texts WILL STAY #idk to whom I'm even shouting here lol

[not-poignant]

Hey Pia hope you’re doing well

I was wondering, is the thing where Arden picks up a bunch of random hobbies and commitments a part of his ADHD or does it have like a name?

I’m a highschool student and I get told by all my friends and teachers that I have overcommitment issues and part of it’s just for uni and whatever ofc but it’s also that I want to do ALL THESE THINGS

Like I’m in 4 different science competition teams, the school debating team, school orchestra, scholarship classes, editor of my school newsletter, I lead the school amnesty and unicef clubs plus the IB program and being in the national maths Olympiad team lol and I don’t want to let any of these go but it’s so stressful and I’m so tired and ppl say I have to say no to stuff which is also stressful!

Also, doing more is always portrayed as such a great thing and I feel rlly guilty letting stuff go? So I’m just reaching out because you portrayed it in such a refreshing way and I was really curious!

Firstly, massive respect for your ability to fit this ask into the Tumblr ask limits. Seriously :D

Okay secondly, Arden’s habit of picking up a bunch of random hobbies / commitments is part of his ADHD. People with ADHD have this to different degrees, and my beta in particular relates really hard to this habit of Arden’s.

But actually, one of the reasons I put this in is because this is a very bad habit of mine - which is overcommitting, and overworking. And not wanting to let anything go.

People teach you a lot of skills in your life on how to pick things up, but almost no one teaches you what to do when you have many hobbies you love, and they’re hurting you because you’re working too hard and don’t have time for your loved ones (or to even really have loved ones) as an example. And it absolutely is a crucial skill to learn for people who are dealing with this, though capitalists don’t want you to learn it.

In the media what I see is most folks having no hobbies and someone being ‘oh you have to learn some.’ I liked Arden as a contrast to that ‘no, that’s too many things, put some back.’ Where Arden’s ADHD manifests - though it’s much more controlled than it used to be - is that he desires to spend a lot of money on the thing as soon as he gets into it (because he only wants the best of the best - which wasn’t great when he wasn’t earning much money), and that he starts really hooking into it in an obsessive kind of way. Spending a night making bows for your dog is one thing. Then wanting to spend $500 and start an Etsy store small business is like...from one day of work, not great.

A lot of Arden’s life has involved choosing to let go of things he’s loved doing, for his own sanity. This is something I’ve had to do as well and I fucking hate it, and these are the techniques I’ve developed for myself (and my still frankly overcommitted ass, who has people saying ‘when are you going to do LESS’ all the time to my face).

* Remind yourself that dropping some things now doesn’t mean you’re dropping them forever. It doesn’t have to be permanent. Sometimes it’s good to put a time limit on something. ‘I’m going to drop this for four weeks / four months and put a note/reminder in my phone about it right now.’ Chances are high you are not going to be as interested in that thing in four weeks/four months. (Chances are sadly also high you may have replaced it with something else). Like, there will be science groups you can join for the rest of your life. And debate groups. And newsletters.

(That being said, none of those things count towards our grades in Australia? So I don’t know how much these things are counting towards your grades in general and I’m not going to like, touch that side of things - however overcommitment is a super fast way to do a lot of things not that well, or to suddenly get so sick you can’t do any of the things and then feel terrible while you’re sick, more on that later!).

* Time caps on certain hobbies and activities and commitments. This is to actually shoot my habit of hyperfocusing in the foot. I don’t have time to play piano for four hours, but I’m allowed to play it for ten minutes a day (sometimes more but not often). And ten minutes a day adds up over time. I literally sit down and put the timer on my phone. If say there’s something that meets up twice a week but some people only go once, be one of those people!

* Rate the things based on how they contribute to your a) career and b) quality of life and c) happiness. Anything that rates lower on the list compared to the others (that isn’t like, literal money-making work or literal classes) needs to be dropped.

* Dropping things is just actually one of the hardest parts and there’s no real trick to making this easier. I just remind myself: ‘Just because I can do this thing, and do this thing well, doesn’t mean it’s good or healthy for me to do this thing. I need to spend time with people I care about, and I need rest, and those things matter more even if they feel less like ‘accomplishments.’ I want to care for myself through my hobbies, not punish myself.’ That goes some way in keeping perspective, but look, ngl, it sucks to drop commitments if you have an accomplishment/achievement/job satisfaction addiction. It just sucks.

* Accept that you are going to feel guilty, and that guilt is just an emotion, and it doesn’t mean you’ve done something bad. Look sometimes guilt gets it wrong! Sometimes you feel crushingly guilty just for breaking a bad habit, it’s not useful, you just have to kind of be like ‘huh I’m feeling a lot of guilt for trying to look after myself, that’s really interesting, I guess I can understand that but I’m also going to try and praise myself for doing a great job. Just because this isn’t an obvious kind of achievement, I know I achieved something really big and difficult today.’

* Oh yeah, use achievement and ‘job’ type language for doing things that involve successfully taking care of yourself and your energy levels. Just...sometimes you have to ‘if you can’t beat them join them’ - chances are you’ve never been as kind to yourself or proud of yourself for resting and taking it easy and seeing friends, than you are for taking on too many commitments. So...challenge yourself to be kind to yourself and proud of yourself for resting and taking it easy and seeing friends and committing to less. Trust me, you are never going to forget how to overcommit, and you are never going to become lazy or lax because you dropped a few of the (billion) things that you’re committed to. You can afford to praise yourself for this! And generously!

* Seriously, seriously consider seeing doctors or psychologists about this. Despite a TON of PTSD, I actually see my therapist most for working too hard and overcommitting. We spend a lot of time talking about why I might not be the worst person in the world for taking a break. Take it seriously. Your list alone made me feel like I was about to have a panic attack, lmao, your friends and teachers are right, you have overcomittment issues.

* Workaholicism and work addiction is real. There is a growing amount of information about how to deal with it and it’s worth googling.

***

Er anyway that’s what I do. It doesn’t always work. I have a lot of rules in place and I abandon half of them about halfway through the year and then s u f f e r. And have been doing that for over 25 years and I’m going to say bluntly now - it’s why I’m as sick as I am, and some of that sickness is irreversible. If nothing else, if you want to stay as active as you are now, I do not recommend that anyone push themselves so hard that they can no longer even do things that they enjoy on a regular basis, because they’re too physically debilitated to manage it, because they pushed their bodies too hard during the university years and just after. Because that is 100% why I became so sick in the first place.

And even extremely healthy people who have no history of chronic illness often develop something, in conjunction with years and years of working too hard or overcommitting. I’ve seen it happen to far too many of my friends, and you might feel like ‘just another six months’ or ‘just another three years’ but you’d be surprised how quickly you can go from ‘I’m doing it I’m doing it’ to ‘I keep getting migraines all the time doctor how do I fix this so I can go back to working as hard as I was before’ and your doctor being like ‘...yeah this isn’t curable. I’m going to give you some meds, that all come with horrible side effects, and you simply can’t do what you were doing before.’ Game over.

Trust me, that shit catches up with your body always. It might not be now, and I hope frankly it’s never, but overcommitment and workaholicism are the two fastest ways I know to chronic illness and once you get there, you can’t work your way out of it again.

Though god knows I have tried.

#asks and answers #personal #workaholicism #work addiction #like if you start stress grinding your teeth #for years #because you can't sleep well #because you're working too hard #trust me that will be over ten years of absolute misery and agony #as you crack your own teeth #because once you start stress grinding #you never stop #oh one final thing to keep in mind #you have been brainwashed by capitalist rhetoric #to believe that working is the greatest virtue out there #if you don't want to be a capitalist stooge for big business #unpacking overcommitment psychologically #even outside of impulse issues #can be pretty meaningful #but expect to need to do it more than once #because you will get that brainwashing all around you #for the rest of your life #(it's like body shaming sadly it's just everywhere) #some of my friends are going to read this advice and be like #WHY AREN'T YOU DOING IT PIA #tons of sympathy anon it's hard as fuck #seriously anon if you don't want to spend your life with a fucked up body FOREVER #learn some crucial skills now #administrator Gwyn wants this in the queue #Anonymous

[rosetylerlesbians]

jsjdhsjjs sorry to talk more about torchwood,, but I would like to hear your thoughts about gwen x tosh,, and also just Gwen and Owen as people??

Oh my god never apologize I will talk about it always. My brother will thank you for getting it out of my system lol.

God I had this almost all typed out and then my app crashed. Typical.

Okay Gwen x tosh- I’ve honestly never thought about it but now that I am I’m into it?? Like I will never say no to wlw but like I just think they would be really sweet together? God catch me hyperfocusing on every interaction they have when I watch now.

Owen: basically I hate that I like him cause he’s an asshole? Like he sucks. And I’m a little over his man pain at this point? like that shit with Diane?? My man you knew her for a week why are you taking this out on everyone else. But it’s like god when he pulls his head out of his ass I really do like him. But he’s on think fucking ice.

Gwen: Honestly she confuses me so much cause I LOVE her but also darling cheating on your boyfriend and drugging him isn’t okay but also like I lowkey get it lmao? But the funniest thing about it is that she makes these choices while simultaneously being the only team member who is consistently capable of empathy. Also her relationship with Jack confuses me? Idk like I’m very interested to see how she is as stuff goes on cause I think she’s getting married next episode and that is. Interesting.

Anyway that was rambly but literally y’all send me doctor who/Torchwood asks ANY TIME I will be overjoyed

#chaoticgayandnerdy #Torchwood