#navel gazing

[max1461]

"I would never-"

You would if you were tired enough. You would if you were hungry enough. You would if your mind and body had been worn down enough, through pain or disease or toil or violent struggle. You might if you were put on the wrong medicine, or you got the wrong kind of head injury, or you were forced to choose between someone else and yourself. You might if your livelihood was staked on it, or all your hopes and dreams. You might if you didn't know what else to do, if it's what you were taught or if nobody taught you anything else.

I have not been worn down in most of these ways. I have lived a remarkably privileged life. But I have been worn down in some ways. And they were enough to teach me that in the wrong circumstances, any of us can become someone we don't want to be. It's worth keeping that in mind.

#navel gazing

[imsobadatnicknames2]

While I've repeatedly made the argument in the past that "D&D 5e is mostly a combat-centric action-adventure game, literally the vast majority of its pagecount is dedicated to combat mechanics", after giving it much thought I think that argument is pretty flawed.

Now, I STILL think modern D&D is a very combat centric game (and I still think that makes it pretty silly when certain people will decide to run their combat-light political intrigue campaign in 5e and then gush about how the sessions where they have the most fun are the ones where they engage the least with the game mechanics and "barely touch the dice") but I think that arguing that on the basis of "most of its mechanics are tied to combat" is incompatible with my views on what TTRPG rules and mechanics ARE in the fist place.

I've talked about in the past about how I fundamentally view mechanics as decision tools that the referee/GM (or the group, in the case of GMless games) defers the responsibility of deciding the outcome of certain situations to, so that they don't have the pressure of having to manually arbitrate the outcome every time (and so that they can be confident that the outcome is not affected by the GM's biases)

And the thing is, under this view of mechanics, the bulk of a game's mechanical detail doesn't necessarily correspond (or need to correspond) with the actions that players will be engaging in the most often.

So I think modern D&D is primarily a combat game but I don't think this is the case because having most of its mechanical detail centered around combat inherently makes it a combat game, I think it is because the way the mechanics interact with each other makes combat a very optimal way to solve problems.

#navel gazing #i will elaborate more in a bit lol #ttrpg

[chillguy180]

Some ab flexes after a workout. Excuse my lower area -_-

#me #male heartbeat #cardiophila #cardiophile #fast heartbeat #heartbeat #slow heartbeat #bellybutton #bellybutton navel #hot navel #male bellybutton #lean body #male navel #navel gazing #deep navel #male abs #male cardiophilia #oval navel #sexy navel #sexy tummy #sexy male #running #straight boys #beating heart #male model #hot male #straight men #navelfetish #navel #female belly button

[phantomato]

For liking villains as much as I do, I’m not big into discussing redemption. I know this is a key topic for a lot of villain fans: do you want them to be redeemed, are you staunchly against redemption for the fave, what-have-you. But it’s all rather sideways to what I get out of villains, which is the space to explore their mundane humanity.

For me, there’s nothing better than a story in which a villain falls in love and learns to bring someone into the routines of their life—really, to mesh their routines with those of their partner—where all of their villainy is pushed to the background. They don’t apologize for it, and they don’t undo it or make amends. Everything bad that they do in canon happens up to the point of a potential canon divergence, at least. But it’s not the focus, because I’ve already seen the story where it was the focus: canon.

There’s something so compelling about asking how the villain takes their tea, what sort of clothing they wear, what shops they choose for their groceries. These aren’t typically the details that canon provides for villains. I come to feel like the characters I write in my fic are at least as much my own creation as they are the product of their original creators, and it’s so lovely to get to make that fuller personality for someone who is terrible. It’s the juxtaposition of the boring and the reprehensible that I find beautiful.

And so it’s not that redemption can’t coexist alongside this so much as that redemption brings high stakes and drama which tend to overwhelm the more delicate things that I’m interested in. That makes sense; that’s its purpose. But allow me to reframe some part of the conversation around villains, a bit, and suggest that there are many interesting facets of them which have no connection to the discussion of whether they are (ir)redeemable.

#navel gazing #villain retirement #fandom meta

[witsserviceablesubstitute]

Gale is totally pansexual too. He doesn't care what gender you are, he barely cares if you're an incorporeal blob or mass of tentacles.

Idk, TripleClick dubbing BG3 with the playersexual mantal is mostly irksome. Much like with DA2, as a bisexual playing an RPG, I want to imagine Tav in a found family of messy queer characters. They can romance whoever they're drawn to that way. (Honestly, often it's just me pretending they're one big polycule— a lot easier to do when the party are all over each other to varying degrees).

It's also that sexuality isn't a stereotype, yeah? The camp vamp can fall in love irrespective of gender and they can unpick his complicated relationship with sex together. The masculine scarred hero can be a sweet bisexual mess. The big beautiful butch can pick up whoever she wants to squeeze to her chest.

#bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #gale of waterdeep #gale dekarios #storytelling things #navel gazing #astarion ancunin #wyll ravengard #blade of frontiers #karlach #triple click #is a games podcast I really like #they're all very lovely games journalists but i just needed to express a little frustration #idk if they were the one singling out gale though or if i just read it somewhere

[winsaykophum]

Tbf I feel like in an alternate universe, Muhammad could've been canonized as a saint. Saint Mahomet of Mecca, he split the moon in two and went to the heavens to meet God himself.

#theology #navel gazing

[xxreapersenpaixx]

#premium snap #asian mixed #asianfemale #belly #belly button #belly button community #tickle community #navelbeauty #navel kink #navelplay #navel #navel gazing #women belly #belly beauty #cute belly

[roselightfairy]

How about DVD commentary on some hurt/comfort bleeding into angst from Ripples in the long, long stream? This bit, in particular:

“Is that better?” came the elf’s voice, as though from a great distance through the rushing of blood in Gimli’s ears.  “Do you need” – Gimli took a shaky breath, trembling with relief.  “Yes,” he said, letting the leather fall from between his teeth.  Gingerly he lifted his arm and rotated it in a slow, careful circle – the pain was not entirely gone, but so much reduced from what it was that he felt almost drunk with it.  “Thank you.” “Of course.”  Legolas was rummaging in their pack now, searching for the spare roll of bandages they had taken to carrying with them.  “Here.”  Gimli sat passive, his frustration drained away with the pain, and allowed Legolas to wrap his arm and secure it carefully to his body.  “We will get you to a healer as soon as we return.  I think any deeper exploration here had best be postponed for now.” “Mmm.”  Gimli closed his eyes as Legolas swept a hand over his forehead, all his irritation fled at the elf’s gentle touch.  “I trust you.” “That is because you have singularly poor judgment.”  Legolas laughed, but his voice was tight.  “You are bone white, love.” “Well, nothing can be done for that until we return to Ithilien.”  Gimli did not open his eyes, but he smiled at the sound of his husband’s laugh.  “The sun will cure me soon enough, but summer is a ways off yet.” “Faultlessly spoken, and yet entirely wrong.”  Legolas sighed, but his lips pressed against Gimli’s hairline and his hand was still cool against Gimli’s sweaty brow.  “As always.”  Without looking, Gimli could feel Legolas moving around him to sit beside him on the boulder.  “We will just sit here until you recover your strength, then, and then we will turn towards home.” His voice was obstinate, as though preparing for an argument – but in truth Gimli would not complain at cutting their expedition short.  In truth, he still felt a bit shaky; his body did not seem to recover from shocks like this as quickly as it had when he was younger.  I am too old for this, he would have jested if it were another of his dwarven companions at his side now – and the words were hovering at the tip of his tongue before he remembered who sat beside him and clamped his lips around them.

I love them <3. Thank you!

Ooh ooh ooh thank you so much! This is the first time anyone has ever sent me an ask for this and I so appreciate it hehehe.

Okay, so as the DVD starts to roll, I do the overall commentary on the episode, which was that I was in the mood for a very specific sweet spot of hurt/comfort: I wanted it to be injury, requiring some kind of improvised solution, kind of random, but not so serious that it would lead to Big Angsty Feels. I settled on "dislocated shoulder," which was partly inspired by a scene from Thundera Tiger's "While the Ring went south" in which Gimli dislocates a shoulder while the two of them are trapped together. The difference is that in that fic they are enemies at each other's throats, and in mine they are, uh, married, haha.

Gingerly he lifted his arm and rotated it in a slow, careful circle – the pain was not entirely gone, but so much reduced from what it was that he felt almost drunk with it. - I had definitely read descriptions of dislocated shoulders before, but I did do some very basic research on the motions required to re-set a dislocated shoulder and how it feels afterwards.

“We will get you to a healer as soon as we return. I think any deeper exploration here had best be postponed for now.” My biggest biggest challenge in short fics like this is feeling like I have to do a huge setup for everything, and then realizing that I don't need to write the entire backstory of how they got where they are. I think (though it's been awhile), I was imagining that Gimli had dragged Legolas out to do some exploring in part of Aglarond that they hadn't really been working on much, or some other cave system, and is kind of at the point where he shouldn't be doing this anymore but isn't ready to admit it. Hence the "deeper exploration" bit.

Gimli closed his eyes as Legolas swept a hand over his forehead, all his irritation fled at the elf’s gentle touch. I just love when they touch each other gently! I just love it. The hand over the forehead, brushing back hair, soothing - You know. The inherent eroticism of a forehead.

Legolas laughed, but his voice was tight. Just - my favorite thing about writing Gimli physical h/c is that I get a side of Legolas angst, which I think anyone who has read ANY of my L/G stuff knows is my favorite thing in the world.

In truth, he still felt a bit shaky; his body did not seem to recover from shocks like this as quickly as it had when he was younger.  I am too old for this, he would have jested if it were another of his dwarven companions at his side now – and the words were hovering at the tip of his tongue before he remembered who sat beside him and clamped his lips around them.

And this last bit is one of those things I love most about writing fics like this - so often I start out with a scene I just want to play around with, and then I accidentally stumble into the real truth of it after several hundred words. Initially all I wanted was a little bit of h/c, and it wasn't until I got to this point that I realized what the story was really about - Gimli slowing down, not quite ready to admit it to himself, but forced to do so in a way that neither he nor Legolas can deny - one they can both feel, but aren't quite ready to say aloud to each other.

One of the time periods in their lives that I'm interested in is how their lives must have changed once Gimli really did start to slow down, once the challenge of their situation became a little too much for him, and how they must have navigated that. It's something I want to explore at some point, but haven't figured out how exactly to do it - so little peeks like this might have to do for now.

Thank you so much for asking! It was so fun to revisit this little fic, and I'm so glad that you enjoyed it enough to ask for the DVD commentary! :) <3

And anyone else is welcome to send in a passage, as well!

#my fic #legolas x gimli #navel gazing #sweet readers

[irishhorse-blog]

I've spent a lot of time in the last 24 hours thinking about how I feel about BTS's enlistment, and I've made some realizations. This is the only place I have where I can talk about it, so lucky you, I guess.

This is your cue to leave.

I've been obsessing over the enlistment, scared to death and mourning them as if they're dying. I love BTS, deeply, but that's not reason enough for the sort of illogical pain I've been feeling. After spending a lot of time thinking and examining my own psyche, I've come to realize that although I am very sad to lose them for a brief time, I'm using that impending "loss" as a smoke screen to cover another, much closer loss that I just don't know how to handle.

My father, with whom I have not had a very good relationship, is dying. His doctor has given him "months, not years," whatever that means. He is bed ridden, almost completely blind, unable to walk, unable to grip anything with his hands, and recently had to have a part of his foot amputated. The few times I've spoken to him, he's difficult to understand because his speech is slurred and halting, and when I do understand him, he doesn't make any sense anyway.

I haven't allowed myself to grieve or even contemplate his death, because I think I'm afraid a part of me might be relieved that he's about to go. Worse, a part of me might be happy. So instead of attaching my conflicted feelings of remorse and sorrow to the actual source of my dismay, I've instead transferred those feelings to BTS, which is somehow a safer loss to grieve.

I don't love my father, not really. I don't even like him. His narcissism and emotional abuse scarred my entire family, and I cannot and will not forgive him for the things he's done. It isn't that I want him to die, I don't think, but I want him out of my life, and this is the best, most permanent way for that to happen.

But I am mourning him, and I am grieving in my own way, but I can't bear to say that I'm feeling this way about a man who has never loved anybody but himself. It's better to feel sad about the impending absence of seven men who are actually good people. Good men have been thin on the ground in my life, and BTS are good men. I miss them, I worry about them, I wish they didn't have to go - but if I'm honest, when I cry about these enlistments, I'm not crying for them at all. I'm crying for my dad. I'm not crying for the bad things that will follow his demise (courtesy of my step mother and older sister). I'm crying for all the good things that could have been but never will.

So, forgive me for my past posts about BTS's enlistment and my attendant neuroses. I don't want them to go, but I've been using them as a straw man so I can't face the ways my father's impending demise makes me feel: guilty, sad, resentful, and yes, relieved.

I just want all of this to be over. I just want it to be 2025, because by then, BTS will be back and he'll finally be gone.

#navel gazing #grief #BTS #BTS enlistment #my father such as he is

[max1461]

A moral lesson I wish literally everybody would learn is this: the very same actions that keep you safe when you are powerless can be abusive when you hold power over someone. The difference between resisting subjugation and subjugating others is often more a matter of context than anything else. And when context changes, it can be hard to relearn one's behavior—it requires an active effort. Probably all of us have hurt others needlessly, in some way or another, by doing things out of a reactive instinct for self-preservation. Probably all of us have been hurt by others, sometimes very deeply, when they were acting out of the same instinct.

I don't like speaking about ethics in the language of blame, but insofar as blame is a coherent notion to begin with, I'll say this: neither is anyone evil for the failure to fully rework themselves and free themselves of bad habit after struggle, nor does the difficulty of reworking oneself excuse the abuse of others. Nor, though we may wish otherwise, is it always epistemically possible to our own actions with confidence in one camp or the other. We can only do our best to treat others well and at the same time ourselves, though it is often not clear how.

#navel gazing

[ellaenchanting]

50 Days of Fetishes List

50 days of writing about what turns me on:

1. Pocketwatches

2. Trance Face

3. Being "Period Angry"

4. Teacher's Pet (Being "Good")

5. Needy and Greedy (Feeling "Forbidden" Emotions)

6. Dapper Gals

7. Slow Dismantling

8. House Special (Doing the Play the Other Person Feels Best/Most Experienced At- Or Enjoys the Most)

9. Conspiring/Plotting

10. Denial/Orgasm Control

11. Being "Hot" (Looking Pretty/Attractive to Someone)

12. That First, Delicious Moment of Sinking into Trance

13. Casual Fucking With

14. Resistance Play

15. Evocative Hypnotist Smiles

16. Connection in Trance

17. Kneeling

18. Pleasure Conditioning

19. Homework

20. Involuntariness (Feeling Like Things Are Happening without Conscious Volition)

21. Evil Therapist Tropes

22. Skill

23. Attention (Having Someone's Attention)

24. Innocence (And Being Corrupted)

25. Relaxation as a Pathway to Arousal

26. Almost-Telepathic Rapport

27. Incredibly Deep Trance

28. Oral Fixation

29. Amnesia/Memory Play

30. Strong/Buff Women (and Rasslin')

31. Being Clever

32. Being Taught or Coached

33. Dominance

34. Witchcraft (Witchy Tropes)

35. Camp

36. Fucked Up Ageplay

37. Covert Hypnosis and General Hypnotic Sneakiness

38. Intentional Vulnerability

39. Keeping it Simple

40. Accents

41. A Touch of Patronization

42. Bad Hypnosis

43. Team Ups

44. Dissociation

45. Voice Changes (and Hypnotic Voices)

46. No-Win Conditions

47. Begging

48. Comfort Kink

49. Partner Enthusiasm

50. Words

It's strange- I thought when I finished this I'd have a very clear picture of my sexuality and what turns me on. Looking at the list overall, it feels pretty piecemeal. It's hard to sum up something as vast and quirky as "what I think is hot" with a list.

Still, I'm glad I wrote it. My goal was to write a spontaneous entry every day and doing that gave me some insight into both how I was feeling during different days and how different fetishes feel exciting at different times. It also helped me think deeply about what turns me on about some of my fetishes and why they're interesting to me. I may add entries past 50 if more thoughts come up. (The 50 was always an artificial limit I posed on myself anyway.)

As I was writing, I felt like I was covering a lot of switchy interests and being very conscious of the ways I enjoy play from the bottom and from the top. The entries felt pretty balanced between top and bottom as I was writing them. I even tried to make them more balanced- when I wrote a bottom-leaning entry, I'd try and write a top-leaning entry the next day. However, when I look back, there are about 24 items I enjoy primarily as a bottom, about 14 I enjoy primarily as a top, and 7 that feel 50/50 pure switchy. (The rest don't really neatly fall into top/bottom/switch categories.) That's more lopsided than I anticipated. I don't know if that signals I'm more of a bottom-leaning switch or if it's the result of having recent new, exciting bottomy play with a new partner and fantasizing more about that. I wonder if my list 6 months from would be different.

I'd be curious if any of you out here have thoughts on this list. Is there anything that's surprising? Anything you want to ask about? Especially if you know me well- is there anything obvious I'm leaving out?

If this kind of exercise sounds fun to you, I encourage you to try it! @misscammiedawn finished her list yesterday- it's here if you want to see her entries. Both @ultinath and @h-sleepingirl are doing projects - Nath was writing hypnokinky essays and Sleepingirl has just started writing their own days of fetish entries. I highly recommend you check all of these Tumblrs out for insights and some great, thoughtful writing.

#50daysoffetishes #navel gazing #teal dear #masterpost #big ole list

[hopeymchope]

I almost always seem to have the minority opinion on media. And I'm really sick of it now.

I've been on a Fire Emblem kick again lately. But unfortunately, as much as I love all of the Fire Emblem games on 3DS? That's approximately how much I hate Fire Emblem: Three Houses on Switch. ....which is, of course, the most popular/successful game in the series to date.

Okay, look: In Fire Emblem, I really like the strategy-combat stuff and the storylines + support conversations. THAT'S the tasty meat. Anything else? Is irritating busywork to me. So if I spend between 2/3-3/4 of a supposed Fire Emblem game doing the other shit? You've crafted a great recipe to make me feel like I'm MOSTLY doing stuff I hate, and thusly I shall hate your game. And that's the START of the issue with Three Houses. (I must resist getting into the protagonist being a mute cipher OR how multiple side activities require blind luck or a guide to succeed OR bitching about the weak battle map design... oh shit oh SHIT I'M OUTING MYSELF, RUN FOR IT MARTY!)

By comparison, this year's Fire Emblem Engage feels like a step back in the right direction! I'm playing it a lot right now, and I'm mostly having a good time! Still more busywork than I want in these games, but it's at least back on the side of "more good than bad." So of course, if I look this game up and read any fan reviews or watch any videos... they're all about how disapppointing and sucky it is in comparison.

God. Of COURSE they are.

I really don't know why the advances they made with Fire Emblem Echoes haven't carried into the newer games. 3D dungeons you can explore for items and enemy encounters in a Persona-like fashion? Genius! Make it the template going forward! ..... What's that? Not even most fans bothered to buy or play that game??? So no one fucking cares about that feature?

.........fucking hell. Of COURSE they don't.

See, this is how it always goes for me. If I fall in love with a movie, I'll later learn it's either hated or ignored by its own fandom or by the masses at large. If I get emotionally invested in some weird game and its characters? There's a high probability that almost no one played it. And those who did? They didn't like it as much as me. If I think a game is really annoying and full of boring shit? Great reviews, huge fandom, etc.

I could make an utterly wild fucking list of things I like/love that other people hate. And the same is true in reverse. Sometimes, even when I agree with the hate on something, I don't agree with ANY of the reasons for WHY other people hate it!

Before you ask: It doesn't matter whether I know the "majority opinion" in advance of seeing/experiencing something, or I have no clue wht people think of something until I look it up later. I've gone to many midnight premieres of movies that weren't yet screened for critics, and I typically always wind up on the wrong side of the majority. I've played obscure games just because the premise sounded good, fallen in love with them, gone looking for a fandom... and found out that everybody thinks said game is utter shit.

So I'm not just being contrarian; this shit comes NATURALLY.

However, I should make some caveats about this weirdness clear:

Sometimes I feel like I'm on the wrong side of JUST the outspoken part of the audience... but there's evidence to support that my own stance maybe ISN'T so weird. For example: My family and I have always loved 2009's Avatar. We never were dressing up like the goddamn Na'vi or anything so fanatical, but we've rewatched it many times over the years. We regularly quote it to each other around the house. And the massive success of that movie (and its recent sequel) seems to back up that this admiration/enjoyment isn't THAT crazy or esoteric, RIGHT? It's just that the Internet is extremely outspoken about Avatar supposedly being lame and totally unmemorable. Remember how people in 2022 kept being like "You can't remember even three character names from that movie! Nobody quotes it!" and shit like that? I was one of the people going "I will list you NINE characters and spew DOZENS of quotes at you."

My "minority opinion" thing only stretches so far. It's not like I thought The Room was the best movie I'd ever seen or angrily felt Tears of the Kingdom was the worst game I ever played. That would be beyond "minority" and more "MADNESS." There's a limit to this weirdness; it has to be within a certain degree of reason, you know? Some things just aren't POSSIBLE to totally flip the script on. Birdemic will always be embarrassingly terrible, and I refuse to believe anyone would legitimately feel otherwise. OK?

This isn't completely universal, either. There are always exceptions where I actually wind up on the right side of the majority. They're just... rarer than the other thing, honestly.

It gets exhausting to always feel like I'm on the defensive or at worst, utterly alone in how I think among the larger community. I don't want this anymore.

But I don't get a say, clearly. I'm just going to keep doing this. I'm going to go see a movie on opening weekend and think "Wow, what an awful piece of shit" only to find that DECADES LATER, people still cite it as one of the best movies in its genre. I'm going to adore a modern revival of a classic comic book, then I'll go online and find that it's widely considered an abomination before god. This is who I am. It's just REALLY tiring to be here.

#minority opinions #navel gazing #fire emblem #fire emblem engage #fire emblem: engage #memes #fire emblem memes #just bitching #sorry

[chillguy180]

My heart beat before my run

#cardiophila #male heartbeat #cardiophile #heartbeat #bellybutton #bellybutton navel #fast heartbeat #male navel #slow heartbeat #hot navel #navelfetish #sexy navel #navel gazing #sexy belly #cute belly #male bellybutton #male health #female heartbeat #pounding heart

[bookish-bogwitch]

Trope Grading Game aka Grope Trading Game

Thanks for the tags @artsyunderstudy, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, and @aristocratic-otter! This seems like a lot of fun.

@ileadacharmedlife @moodandmist @facewithoutheart @skee3000 @ivelovedhimthroughworse @cutestkilla @thewholelemon @raenestee, and everyone whose fic is mentioned below and everyone reading this, consider yourself tagged if you haven't gone!

Rules: How much do these tropes affect your decision to click on a fic?

-10 -> very dissuaded

0 - don’t care either way

+10 -> very enticed

nope -> if it’s a hard no and you’d never click on a fic with that tag or or you even have the tag blocked or you’d insta click out of the fic if it wasn’t tagged

Bonus points for explaining the rating and whether it’s conditional.

Age gap: -2

Not into it at all for younger characters, but I don't mind for older ones. I haven't read a lot of couples with bigger age gaps but I wouldn't rule out enjoying it in the right context--though I can't see being into it for the sake of the trope itself. (I love you for you, Malcolm Grimm.) Codependency: Interdependency: +7

The template asks about codependency but I finally looked up what codependency means and it's about an uneven relationship where a partner, friend, or family member subsumes their own needs in the course of accommodating / enabling another person's destructive behavior. Is that anyone's jam? There's a reason Rainbow skipped the 12 months between the CO epilogue and the start of WS...

But if we're talking interdependency, then I'm super into it. Octavia Butler was right: "dependency is sexy if it's chosen and not coercive. Symbiosis is a kind of dependency. A dependency of equals is best." Snowbaz symbolizes this with the whole hot/cold body temp thing, which is #sharingabedgoals, and there's lots of great fic in this fandom exploring it, my all-time fave being @fatalfangirl's stunning Bound and Determined.

Obsession/Possessiveness, jealousy: +2

Obsession, sure, sign me up. What is Simon at all those football practices if not obsession?

And I can get behind jealousy as a device for revealing the depth of otherwise hidden or even denied feelings. But active, power-and-control-wheel possessiveness? Gross.

Opposites (grumpy/sunshine etc): +5

Yeah! I love watching the grump's walls come down. But with the caveat that the sunshine can't be a one-dimensional, manic pixie dream character, because the that's just boring and I don't care about them.

Enemies to lovers, Enemies with benefits: +5

What snowbaz fan isn't into this? But a key element for me is that there has to be some reason behind the initial enemies dynamic besides one or both of them just being an asshole. Maybe they think that's what's up at first and then learn otherwise, but if their enemy status is based on something real, like they genuinely hate each other based on accurate knowledge about each other, I find it implausible and probably also difficult to like one or both of them.

That's part of why Snowbaz works for me: Baz and Simon's enemy status was imposed on them by a fucked up political system and abusive caretakers. Left to their own devices they'd probably never have been enemies. The reason for their animosity is not the core of who they are.

Friends with benefits: +2

Ehhh is it benefits to full on love? I don't really connect with allo perspectives on sexual relationships, like I get them intellectually but I don't jive with them on an emotional level, so there has to be that emotional draw for me, that underlying romance. I mean tho, @fatalfangirl stacy is writing an excellent fic on this premise right now that I absolutely love because there are clearly feelings involved. But it also might fall more into the realm of the next trope on this list ... which is ...

What Ashton said 😂 also props to fandom for teaching me that I am demisexual, and that this is not a default mode of existence.

Sex to feelings: [phone]

It's the fucking BEST. You get to read all the smut and then the climax ISN'T "and then we did it," it's "and then we were emotionally intimate." You get to be horny and a sap.

I also think this trope inherently pushes writers' creativity because the relationship's progression can't follow standard mainstream romance beats. And the sex scenes usually have narrative significance by showing how the relationship is changing, which produces great writing.

Fake dating/relationship: +5

Yes, especially if there's lots of pining along the way! @captain-aralias's Unintended is a great example.

Friends to lovers: +3

I wouldn't say I seek this out specifically but there are so many great fics with this tag. Here are a few (but not all) of my favorites: I'd Gladly Eat You for Breakfast by @whogaveyoupermission What Remains After the Storm by @hushed-chorus Sixty Seconds by @artsyunderstudy Petrichor by @martsonmars And again Unintended by @captain-aralias

Found Family: +1

It's fine? I love moving proofs of love and affection outside of romance, but whether it's in something that fits the label "found family" or not is important to me.

Hurt/Comfort: +10

PUT IT DIRECTLY. INTO MY MOUTH. I am a fucking sap for hurt/comfort. It gives me the swoops. There is fucking nothing I like better than lovers (or almost lovers) comforting each other and taking care of each other, emotionally, physically, spiritually, whatever. It's sexy to me. It affects me deeply.

#WhatAshtonSaid. I literally have a WIP going where someone says "who did this to you??" just because I love it so much. I'm pretty sure Nightmares and Excuses was the first fic that made me cry. (It's not hard to do.)

Love Triangle: -8

Not my thing if there's genuine heartbreak / unrequited love floating around. That just bums me out. I get a kick out of the Agatha-Simon-Baz's confusion in CO, but only Penny thinks that's actually a love triangle. I think the only book I've ever loved with a "real" love triangle is Emma and even [SPOILER FOR 208-YEAR-OLD-BOOK] Harriet's not actually in love with Mr. Knightley, she just thinks she is.

Poly, open relationships: -4

Only if it's porn without plot and even then it's pretty rare that I'm into it. I'm not usually interested in sex scenes without a romantic/love element (even if that element is deeply repressed) and am personally very monogamous and have a hard time connecting with poly relationship themes. Which obviously does not mean that poly =/= emotional or romantic connection, not at all, it's just a tough one to wrap my head around.

@skee3000 nailed this for me in Minos, by having Simon and Baz connect with each other even as they have three-way with Mr. Minos, but now I'm conflating a threesome with poly/open relationships. Go read it anyway.

Mistaken/hidden identity: +2

Not sure I can think of a Snowbaz fic that focuses on this, although I'm sure there are some. I do like it when characters meet for the first time and are drawn to each other, only to learn that each other's larger identities make that complicated. And the trust issues that brings up. There are a couple of KJ Charles novels that deal with this really beautifully.

Monsterfucking: +5

I really love when monsterfucking is used as a way to celebrate difference and work through a character's feelings about their own body or its changes. This fandom does a great job with that. Otherwise I'm not drawn to any particular monsters for their monstery sake (but see: Minos's horns).

Pregnancy: -2

+8 for mpreg, -10 for other pregnancy.

I stalled out for two weeks on this post, wondering how to explain this without getting darker and more personal than I'd like. And then realized I don't have to explain 😃.

Second Chance: +7

Love it! I don't always have the heart to read the actual breakup, or falling out, or lost opportunity etc., but I love fics where that has already happened and we're seeing them put themselves back together. Some examples, that may or may not have this tag but definitely have this theme:

What's Left by @cutestkilla This Will All Go Down in Flames by @facewithoutheart There's Be Peace When You Are Done by somekindofpath Once More, with Feeling by fox_pitch

And probably countless others I'm forgetting.

Slowburn: +10

Yeah! I know I said I love sex before feelings but I love this too. (And I think they can be successfully combined into slow-feelings-burn.) There's nothing like a satisfying, well-earned payoff. I also admire well-executed slowburns because whenever I write a get-together fic I have to actively resist mashing their faces together in the first 100 words.

Soulmates: -1

In theory I don't love these. The red string, etc. It can just feel played out, and also the emotional logic of it is kind of alienating. I have a hard time putting my head into a world where people have these predestined connections and are trying to find each other because it's just so not how I see relationships. BUT when an author critically and playfully messes with the trope, it can be lots of fun. All This Soulmate Shit by half_witch mashes up a dozen different soulmate tropes to make something that's brilliant, funny, sexy, and feels like they are actively choosing each other rather than obeying destiny. I also adore Bound and Determined by @fatalfangirl for how it plays with the idea of free will and consent, which feel like soulmate-related theme. But it's probably not a coincidence that this fic doesn't have the "soulmates" tag.

That's a lot of me me me and what I think. What do YOU think, friends?

#tag game #trope grading game #navel gazing #simon snow fandom meta-talk

[witsserviceablesubstitute]

Fantasy Racism in DnD:

Cross-cultural bigotry is a common element in fantasy because of the genre's relationship with exploring real world social, historical, and political conflict through allegories. However, the depiction of fantasy racism can be insultingly colonialist (this is why decolonisation of literature is important) and real world racism is often written into fantasy worldbuilding. The Hag archetype being anti-semitic, for example, or having a dehumanised "evil" race. DnD racism is particularly messy because the bones of the worldbuilding was set in place decades ago.

Here are some thoughts on how the BG3 companion bigotry is handled:

Shadowheart is not a bigot. She's responding to the role the Githyanki play within DnD (also, she just stole from them and doesn't want Lae'zel to look closely at what she has). Which is to say, she's responding to a Fascist cult that frequently raids Faerun. The Githyanki being an autocratic culture AND inhuman former slave race is one of those baked-in things DnD has been trying to fix over time. As they have with the Drow, Half-Orcs, Goblins, Gnomes, and sentient Monsters. It would be more accurate to say Shadowheart is anti-Fascist. Which... I'd hope we all were?

Lae'zel is very bigoted, but it's a testament to the writing in how well the allegories work with her. She is part of the attempt at decolonising the writing. Her being a party member and slowly unpicking her conditioning shows that there's no such thing as an "evil-aligned race". Lae'zel is a 22-year-old former child soldier who has been aggressively brainwashed by Nationalism into unquestioningly following the orders of her goddess/ruler. It only takes one visit to Faerun for her to (very slowly) question what she's been taught. Lae'zel's mind must be a warring house of bees throughout the first two acts, how could anyone blame her for being cranky?

Astarion's bigotry is far more personal. He's an extremely damaged and vindictive fellow, so it makes sense he'd take vicious delight in hating the Gur for the role he sees them as having played in his death. This begs the question, though, what the hells did Gnomes ever do to earn his eternal ire? Anyway, his issues with and abuses against the Gur are what he needs to face. The outcome and journey depending on what instincts the player encourages him to embrace. (Though, I like to think he'd continue to grow further in a non-ascended route. He's got the capacity).

#bg3 #bg3 spoilers #baldur’s gate 3 #shadowheart #lae'zel #astarion #astarion ancunin #storytelling things #storytelling in games #navel gazing

[kimbertmusings]

Now that I’m officially ten years out of retail, I can firmly state that it was never the customers.

It was always the management and owner groups.

The reason customers would act like assholes is because they were ALLOWED to act like assholes.

My last two weeks as a store manager, I basically went scorched earth. I was banning customers front left and center. I snapped back when they snapped at me. I refused refunds.

I REFUSED REFUNDS.

If you are in the trenches in retail, it always seems like managers give in too often. It’s because they’re told to by THEIR bosses. And after calling your tenth customer, hat in hand, to apologize for enforcing the store’s policy, well. You learn your lesson.

I refused refunds and it felt glorious.

My staff, who legit hated me because my job was to be the Antichrist, all of the sudden realized they could be happy at work. They started to realize that the hierarchy was the problem, I wasn’t the one cutting their hours but chose to keep hiring. They were allowed to match customer energy, and they LOVED it.

My store posted its best performance in three years.

All because we stopped taking shit, and demanded to be treated as people.

#navel gazing #retail #eat the rich #customer service #honestly I was a shitty manager too