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littlesniggy · 1 year

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Tying a knot

Soooooo....I'm not back but I really wanted to write this so yeah....hope you like it. Reader is a new recruit in the marines and is actually doing pretty well....if it wasn't for those stupid knots.

Warnings: modern day AU, military AU, dub-c, power dynamics, older man x younger woman, reader is fresh out of high school but over 18, swearing, slightly ns.fw

Pairing: Admiral Sakazuki x female recruit reader

Word count: 4.4k

When you pictured yourself in the future you always thought you’d go to college, get a job, settle down, have some kids, and live the rest of your life together with your husband on some lone range in the middle of nowhere, your grandkids running around while your kids prepare the Sunday dinner in your kitchen while you hold hands with your husband and reflect on what a blessed life you’ve had.

Or maybe you would’ve pursued your carrier, made a fortune by inventing something crazy useful or made the right investment at the right time and by the age of 35 you would’ve been so rich that you never had to lift a finger for the rest of your life. You could’ve traveled abroad, see the world and see where the wind carries you.

The harsh reality hits you when your commanding officer screams into your face, his spit landing in your open mouth by default since you are breathing heavily. Your muscles are burning and you’re not sure anymore if it’s because of the thousands of sit ups you’ve been forced to do or because you ate something funny (the food is really not the best and you’re not sure how long some of the cans have been hidden in the cabinets, forgotten until the canteen lady unsuspectingly found it and decided it was still edible).

“MOVE. YOUR. ASS! We’re not in sissy camp, recruit!” he yells, more spit landing on your face. Sweat is covering your entire body, your brown shirt and pants soaking wet, coloring it a shade darker than it actually is. You grunt and follow is order, trying to move faster but everything is simply burning. Your officer luckily moves on to the person next to you to scream at him as well.

If you remember correctly his name is Cody. You saw him briefly at the briefing in week one but haven’t really noticed him ever since. Apparently, he is also still trying to become a marine, taking the 8 week training camp as seriously as you are.

The whistle blows and everyone is collapsing on the hard ground, loud panting and groaning can be heard over the entire training ground. “Two-minute break! Then we’ll go over to push-ups!” your commanding officer yelled. Internally your groan in frustration but instead shield your eyes from the burning sun above you to get some shade. Once again, you’re contemplating why you chose this path in life and not the ones you’ve dreamt of when you were younger.

It's not that you are stupid. Rather the opposite. You studied hard to get into university after high school, had a high GPA and all the ambitions to succeed. The only thing you didn’t have was money or a scholarship. Your parents couldn’t afford to send you to college and for some reason you also couldn’t land any scholarships. Contemplating if you should apply to universities anyways or not your uncle mentioned that you could join the military for a couple of years and they would then pay for your studies. So, that’s what you decided to do. Taking online classes is the best possible option but they won’t start before September and you had to survive the first 8 weeks of this hell hole first.

You roll over onto your stomach and reach for the bottle of water to take a big sip before you have to do a shit ton of sit-ups.

“Listen up! Tomorrow we will have a high-ranking visitor at our compound. Your orders are to behave at your best, to not complain and to fulfill every task given to you! Not that it’s any different from any other day but I won’t have you lot embarrass us in front of admiral Sakazuki!” a nervous murmur can be heard amongst the recruits, earning everyone a “Shut the fuck up!”.

“He and vice admiral Garp will stay until the end of week 4 when you will take your second academic test. I don’t need to remind you to study for this test since you will not be able to continue your carrier in the navy unless you pass all tests!” he reminds you all.

Thinking back you noticed some faces didn’t return after the first test but you didn’t really pay it any mind. You scored in the top 10% and are more than content with it. You are also not too concerned about the second test since the questions asked are not too hard anyways.

“That is all. Dismissed!” the officer yells and immediately stalks off. You and the rest of the new recruits slowly make your way over to the shacks where you share everything with one another. No privacy, only the bathrooms and showers are separated by sex which you are very grateful for.

After taking a shower you feel much better; still sore but much better. “Dinner” is served exactly at 1830 (630 pm) and if you’re later you won’t get anything to eat and have to wait until the next morning. One of your new friends here made this experience the very first day because he was late. You didn’t really feel bad for him since they said not even 6 hours prior when breakfast, lunch and dinner will be served so it was really only his fault. You have no idea why you engaged in conversation with him since he did nothing but complain that night but you somehow became friends and have sticked together since then.

“What do you think about admiral Sakazuki coming tomorrow, Y/n?” you look up from your food at Rosinante and shrug. “It’s kinda surprising for him to come here. Maybe he has some business to attend to near the base or even on here….” You muse and take a bite of your meat (?) which tastes just like a show. Rosinante hums and watches your face contort in slight disgust at the taste and texture of the food. “You might be right. Still, I haven’t heard anything good from him.” His voice is hushed as to not attract too much attention.

“Ever since he’s become an admiral some missions abroad have been somewhat….” He pauses, trying to think of the appropriate word.

“Questionable?” you finish and he nods in agreement. “Yes, questionable.” He agrees and also takes a bite before spitting it back out. “Disgusting.” He huffs and you smile at him.

“I heard he’s planned some reform for the marines.” Surprised, you turn around to look at none other than Koby who is sitting right behind you. “I’m sorry for eavesdropping.” He apologizes with a small smile but you wave it off. “No worries.” You assure him, also inviting him to continue.

“I’ve heard some of the officers talk about him visiting another training ground and he personally threw out some of the new recruits even though they passed the tests. They don’t know why but ever since he’s been promoted the atmosphere within the navy has changed.” He informs you. Both you and Rosinante gulp at the story. Sure, there is always the possibility that you might fail a test but being thrown out even after you passed?

“This almost seems personal…” you murmur and the others nod in agreement.

“Guess that’s why commander prick seemed a little nervous earlier today.” Rosinante muses. You stay silent, following your own train of thought regarding this revelation.

You need to pass all the tests and become a marine. This is one of the only ways to pursue your academic carrier without falling into a crushing amount of debt. This visit might be a bigger problem than initially expected.

You are used being yelled at. You are used being spit at. You are also (unfortunately) being used to indecent touches by some of your male comrades. All of this you can look past; you know how to deal with it, are not getting intimidated or flustered by any of it. But this is different.

You have met a lot of different people in your life; some demand more, some demand less authority when entering a room but you have never, ever in your life met anyone who had such a dangerous and commanding aura like the admiral. The moment he stepped onto the training compound your blood ran cold. Chills covered your skin and your stomach dropped. Since now you have never seen anyone as dangerous or a threat. Call it privileged but despite your poor family you were raised pretty well in a surprisingly good neighborhood and there were not a lot of potentially dangerous people in your area.

You want to look down when his eyes muster the recruits but you know you are not allowed to. This is an entirely new situation and, quite frankly, you have no idea how to behave. And you don’t like it.

Out of the corners of your eyes you can see that your fellow recruits are feeling the same and you feel some kind of relief. At least you’re not the only one.

“When I look at you, I feel disappointed.” His voice is gravely and sends another shiver down your spine. It also makes you listen up even more. This is not a good start for a speech.

“I visited other bases before and I came to the conclusion that the navy will have to be more selective with new recruits. It should be a privilege to serve in the navy and people should act accordingly. That is why I will personally conduct interviews tomorrow with each and every one of you. If you’re not convincing, you can go back home. That’s all. Dismissed!”

There is a long stretch of silence where nobody dares to move, even long after he is out of view. Even the officers are speechless, but not for too long.

“You heard him! So, you better prepare tonight! We will also be judging you on your progress today so you better get your act together!”

You don’t have problems with neither the physical training nor with the academic part but something you certainly are not skilled at is knot-tying. It seems so easy – everybody else can do it – but you can’t to get your head around the right way to tie this stupid knot. You’re constantly yelled by your officers and it also doesn’t help that the admiral and the vice admiral (who you’ve seen for the first time today at knot-tying practice) are watching you with sharp eyes. Or at least the admiral is, vice-admiral Garp is idly chatting with some of the lower ranking marines.

A frustrated groan leaves your mouth when this stupid rope keeps loosening up every time you’re about to tighten it. “Fucking stupid shitty rope….!” You mumble under your breath and are about to start over again when a large shadow is covering the light coming from the lamp above. You look up, ready to be yelled at again when your body turns to stone.

You’re looking at the admiral himself, his arms crossed in front of his chest and a displeased look on his face. Everyone around you is silent, shooting stealthy looks in your direction. “I suggest looking for a different carrier when you’re not even capable of tying a simple knot, recruit.” He says and stretches out one hand expectantly. You have to forces your body to move and to give him the rope, your hand briefly brushing against his bigger one.

You can only watch his massive hands deftly tie the knot you’ve been struggling with, somewhat amazed at how easy it is. With a loud thud he puts the knot down in front of you on the table, an arrogant look in his eyes. “I’ll keep this in mind for the interview tomorrow, recruit.” His words are nothing short of a threat and you feel dizzy. That you’re entire future depends on this asshole and a fucking knot is ridiculous! You look down at the perfectly tied knot and ignore the admiral disappearing.

You are usually not nervous before interviews but today is different. You feel like throwing up and your hands are shaking. Not only will you be stepping in front of Sakazuki very soon but he will also decide on your future. Some of your comrades have already come back but so far none of them seems to have been kicked out. Nevertheless, they looked terrified.

Another thing that bothers you is that you can’t anticipate how long the interview will be. Some of the others came out after 10 minutes, others stayed inside for 20-30 minutes. No way the admiral will be able to interview each and every one of you in a single day.

The door opens and Koby comes out, his face pale as a ghost. You look at him concerned but he simply sighs in slight relief. “Good luck”, he whispers as he slowly walks away.

“Y/n!” you’re being called into the room. As soon as you enter, the door is being shut behind you and you’re alone with admiral Sakazuki sitting on the opposite side of the room at a big desk.

He is wearing the standard dark blue admiral uniform but no tie. All his medals are decorating the left side of his chest and you wonder what one needs to do to earn so many awards within the navy.

You stand in front of the door, whole body straight and a (hopefully) stern look on your face. Sakazuki looks up at you after opening a file – your file, supposedly.

“Sit.” He orders you and without hesitation you follow his command and sit down on the opposite side of the table, taking your hat off.

Sakazuki looks at you for a moment before looking down at your file.

“So, recruit.” He begins, not even bothering to read your name even though your file is right in front of him. “I’ve read your file. Good academic carrier so far.” He remarks but you don’t feel complimented. You know there is coming more.

“Thank you, sir.” You reply regardless.

“What made you join the marines and not go to university?” you knew this questions would come and you have thought about the right answer all night. You wanted to tell the truth but you decided against it last minute.

“I want to serve our country and give back to this great nation.” You reply instead, swallowing the lump in your throat. There is a short silence in the room before the admiral huffs.

“Serve our country….give back to the nation….stop bullshitting me.” You freeze at his words and his harsh eyes bore right into you.

“S-sir?” you dare to ask.

“I asked you why you wanted to join the navy after school and I expect an honest answer. You’re already on thin ice. One wrong step and you’re gone….” He mused, his eyes never leaving yours. The fight or flight instinct wanted to kick in but you desperately tried to suppress it. Neither would serve you good in this situation unless you wanted to lose face completely.

“I-“ you cleared your throat before starting over again. “I wanted to go to university. But it wasn’t meant to be. So I decided to join the navy. I plan on taking online classes later in my carrier but right now I am entirely focused on my training and becoming a good marine.

“A good marine should be able to tie a simple knot.” You couldn’t help but look away as your face heats up in embarrassment. You hear him move and pull something out of a drawer. When you look up you see a long rope in front of you on the table.

“How would you tie an enemy’s hands when you’ve captured them and have only this rope?” you know you learnt this the other day but by God you can’t remember!

You take the rope in your hands, looking lost but you decide to improvise. Maybe you’d be lucky…

You start to cross both ends to start tying the rope but Sakazuki interrupts you. “Try it on me.” His suggestion is much more an order than anything else. You want to protest but he has already placed both hands on top of the table in front of you.

You don’t want to tie his hands together; mostly because you are scared to touch the man in front of you. But you have no other choice. You reach out and take both his hands into yours; his palms are warm and calloused, the rough patches brushing against your own hands. You slide the rope underneath his hands and start winding the rope around them. You know this is wrong, you know there is a right way but you simply can’t remember.

The admiral watches you and lets you finish, his expression unreadable but you know you messed up once again. When you tighten the tow ends and look up at him you are met with a disappointed and annoyed look. You press your lips together and wait for his judgement. He lifts up his hands so both of you can take a good look.

“Tell me what you did wrong, recruit.” He demands. You look at your work but remain silent. Frustrated with you lack of answer Sakazuki simply flexes his arms and hands and rips the rope apart, freeing his hands in the process.

“This was a sad excuse of a knot but an even sadder excuse of an aspiring marine. You want to defend this country?” he huffs derogatorily and you shrink into yourself.

“First of all, you never tie an enemy’s hands in front of them. Always on the back.” He gets up, grabbing a second rope from the drawer and rounds the table. You slightly glare up at him. Of course, this was a set-up. He deliberately placed his hands in front of him on the table and not behind his back.

“I must’ve misunderstood the assignment, sir. I thought you simply wanted me to tie your hands.” You admit but this answer is no good.

“The order was clear, recruit. Tie my hands like I was an enemy. Would you tie an enemy’s hands like this?” you shake your head.

“This is pathetic.” He mumbles. Suddenly, his hand grabs your hair, pulls you from the chair and presses your flat on the table. You gasp surprised and instinctively try to push yourself back up but the admiral has both your hands already grabbed behind your back, holding them in an iron grip as his free hand slides around your wrists.

It doesn’t even take 10 seconds and your hands are tightly tied. You squirm underneath him, trying to get up but your tied hands combined with a single hand that is lightly pressing down between your shoulder blades is preventing you from getting away.

“This is how you subdue an enemy.” You try to look at him over your shoulder but his hand moves to your head back again and presses your face onto the surface. You gasp, your legs kicking backwards to hit him but he steps closer and presses his body against yours. To be precise, he presses his legs against the back of your thighs, preventing you from moving at all.

You struggle against your restrains but his grip only becomes harder. “Fuck!” You breathe out frustrated and give up, accepting your defeat and the likely end of your military carrier.

“Pathetic.” He comments but lets go of you, pulling you from the table and onto your feet. You feel humiliated but suppress the tears that threaten to form in your eyes. You will not let him see your defeat, not Sakazuki.

“You should just quit and save yourself from further humiliation which will come.” He says demeaning but you shake your head, “All due respect, sir, but I will not quit.” To underline your point you turn around to face him, the slight glistering of tears could vaguely be made out but either Sakazuki doesn’t see it or he ignores it.

“I can be useful and I know I will be of value. I will not quit.” You look right into his cold eyes. Sakazuki remains silent for a moment before he steps forwarder, forcing you back and to bump against the table with the back of your thigh.

“What will happen if you get captured?” he asks you, stepping another step forward and leaning forward deliberately slowly. You lean back instinctively, swallowing hard. You are not comfortable with this close proximity.

“Will you be able to keep your mouth shut and not rat out your comrades?” he leans down further, forcing you to back up even more until your back is lying on the table again.

Sakazuki places both hands next to your head, trapping you between his body and the table.

“Y-yes, sir.” You affirm his question, forcing yourself to keep the eye contact.

“Is that so? Even if they torture you?” his right hand traces down your arm until he reaches your hip. The warmth of his hand radiates through the fabric. It’s almost burning hot and makes you squirm under his touch.

“Even if they do unspeakable things to you?” he continues, his hand moving upwards, riling your shirt up in the process, exposing your soft skin to his gaze.

You let out a long breath you didn’t know you were holding, body slightly shaking under his touch. “Yes, sir.” You affirm once again, your heart hammering inside your chest. Sakazuki’s eyes slowly leave yours and instead travel down your body, taking in the curves of your breasts and then the exposed skin on your stomach.

You have so many different feelings racing inside your mind but the most prominent one is what is he going to do? Is this even legal?

The admiral leans down, his mouth brushing against the shell of your ear, his hot breath against your neck. Your body heats up when a low groan rumbles through his body, revibrating against yours. His hand traces your naked skin up, inching closer to your breasts. Your body arches against his touch and you have the urge to wrap your legs around his waist. You know your pussy is wet from his short ministration and you want to be touched.

However, there is this small part in your head that screams at you that this is a trap. But this tiny voice keeps being pushed to the side with every touch from his big hand. You sigh and let your head fall to the side when his hand pushes underneath your sports bra and starts fondling your breast.

A thin sheen of sweat has formed over your skin and you feel the heat inside your body. How did it come to this? This was supposed to be nothing but an interview! You know this isn’t right, but fuck! – his mere presence makes you feel things that should be forbidden!

Your mind is racing, trying to form a single thought but Sakazuki won’t let you. You feel his body shift, his legs nudging your legs apart and he presses his body between you. Your eyes open wide and you can’t hold back the moan anymore as his penis presses against you, hard and hot. Your hips rut up against his, wanting more friction.

The admiral raises his body to look down at your flustered form, his right hand buried underneath your shirt.

“So pathetic. As soon as some man shows you some kind of attention you crumble like a cookie. Look at you. You’re so needy you will even risk your carrier to get that dick.” As if to emphasize his words he thrusts his hips forward against yours, forcing another gasp from your lips.

Sakazuki lets go of your breast and pulls his hand out from underneath your shirt, leaving you breathless and flustered. Your slowly turn your head to look at him, his eyes giving no indication of his erect penis between your legs.

“I am not pathetic….” You mumble. You don’t know why you said that but it was the only thing on your mind you could communicate with the marine above you.

“And if I am then you’re as pathetic as I am.” You add, bracing for what’s about to come. Sakazuki lifts an eyebrow, surprised at your reply.

“Care to explain why?” you swallow hard but know there is no going back.

“You are the one who initiated this. You are the one who felt the need to touch me. And you’re as aroused as I am.” Now it was your time to emphasize your words by pressing your hips against his. The admiral doesn’t answer right away, he simply stares at you. Then, the corner of his lips slightly lifts up, indicating a smile.

“Gotta admit, you’re braver than you look.” He steps back, giving you some room but also robbing you of that sweet pressure between your legs.

He pulls down your shirt, deliberately brushing against your breasts one last time before he pulls you up by your arm.

He steps between your legs once again and reaches around you, his muscular body pressing against yours while his hands reach around you to untie your restraints. You sheepishly breathe in his cologne, his musk reminding you once again of the wetness between your legs.

When your hands are free again, he drops the rope on your lap and returns back to his seat behind the desk.

“Come to my office tonight after dinner.” He simply says without looking up, your file occupying his attention again.

“Why?” you dare to ask. Sakazuki glances up at you, his eyebrow raised once again.

“You are brave, not stupid, aren’t you? Follow my orders and we will get along well.” He simply said and waved his hand dismissively at you to leave. You murmur a “Yes, sir” and slowly make your way over to the door.

“Oh, and one last thing, recruit. Bring that rope with you. I think I need to teach you some more knots.” Your face heats up one last time, your hand clutches around the fabric, and you hurriedly open the door to leave his office.

What the fuck did just happen?!

#one piece #op #op x reader #one piece x reader #op Sakazuki #one piece sakazuki #akainu #Akainu x reader #Sakazuki x reader #female reader #dub.con #op x female reader #older man x younger woman #slightly ns.fw

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tarotwithlove · 1 year

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pac ⋆ what do you need to hear right now regarding your studies/academic pursuits, from the archangels

reminder that this is a general reading and messages found here may not apply to everyone. take what resonates, leave what doesn't, and don't force anything if it does not fit

BOOK A READING WITH ME · TWITTER · TIPS ♡ tips and feedback are highly appreciated

GROUP ONE cards ⋆ six of swords (reversed), the high priestess (reversed), two of cups, four of pentacles, eight of cups (reversed), king of pentacles songs ⋆ moon by nct dream, flicker by enhypen, listen to your heart by roxette, nina by tyne hi my group one ♡ your message comes from archangel michael. you may be feeling as if you are not intelligent, or not intelligent enough for the path you have chosen. you go to your classes and find that you can’t formulate questions the way other students can nor are you able to engage the way that they do. you read your notes and prescribed readings and feel utterly out of your depth. it’s as if you’re drowning in the idea of who you are supposed to be, and who you feel you used to be a long time ago when learning came easy to you and you were top of your class without trying and you knew with your whole heart what you wanted to do and who you wanted to be. and when you knew without a doubt that you could achieve this. but you are doubting now. your belief in yourself is wavering. flickering. you sit in front of your notes and feel your eyes glaze over, not because you’re uninterested but because of the fear that seems to follow you everywhere that you actually aren’t good enough for this. that you are going to fail everybody who has put their faith, hopes, time, and/or money into getting you as far along on your path as you are. do you ever wonder if you are so overwhelmed and uninspired because you have forced yourself to conform to the ideals that were pushed upon you by others? many of you have come to pursue a passion that is not yours, and is instead the passion of parents or family members or the greater society. you are living up to the dream that someone else has for your life instead of your own dream. yet even as every part of your mind and body screams at you that isn’t for you, that this isn’t where your passion lies, you shake your head and persist. and that is valid. because this current path is a comfort—even at its most stressful, there is comfort in knowing that at least on this path you have your parents support and your community’s admiration. that this way you are “(x) who became a doctor and is supported her family, what a good girl” and not “(x) who’s *trying* to be an artist. how shameful. to think her parents put her through three years of college for this…” but there is no life to be lived in conforming to the expectations of others. you have this one, beautiful, short life. this finite time on earth in this body, why not cherish it and go down the path that will bring you the most joy and fulfilment, whatever that looks like for you? change your course, change your whole degree, apply for the school your parents said you shouldn’t apply to, apply for that scholarship program abroad, pick up that hobby that’s going to give your life meaning, start putting your out there– that webtoon, that novella, those short stories, your makeup looks—find innovative ways of interacting with your course work if changing is out of your control. if the big change is too much then make the small changes until you’re brave enough to take that leap of faith—anything to take your life into your own hands. listen to and trust your heart when it comes to this, my loves, it will not guide you down the wrong path. and if you ever feel lost, turn to archangel michael. he will be there for you ♡

GROUP TWO cards ⋆ three of swords (reversed), ace of swords (reversed), three of cups (reversed), temperance, seven of cups (reversed), six of cups

songs ⋆ one mo’ gen by mariah carey, behti hawa sat ha woh by shaan, dynasty by rina Sawayama, thirty under thirty by vardaan arora

hi my group two ♡ your message comes from archangel gabriel. the messages for this group are a bit all over the place, but in general there is an intense sense of loss for you all, with some of you either physically losing someone and others of you feeling as if you have lost a part of yourself. you are mourning who you used to be or the life you thought you would have with this person in it, the time you thought you still had to spend to together before they were taken from you or left without realising that the relationship was over.

some of you have long since graduated from high school or college, but cannot help feeling as if your potential has been squandered. you remember what it was like to be passionate about waking up in the morning and going to your classes, or spending the day at the library working on assignments, and how fulfilling that used to be even when left you exhausted. you look around at your life as it currently is—this unfulfilling job, this small city, this friend group that never mentally aged beyond 18 years old, this relationship that’s stagnated— and wonder if it is too late for you to go back to school and try again, this time with your years of lived experience under your belt.

it is not too late. for as long as you desire this, it will never be too late. your life, right now, is eating away at you, my dear. anyone who loves you can tell you are but a shell, becoming hollower and hollower the longer and longer your soul’s cry is going unlistened to. you keep waiting for the right time, but the right time never comes. and it will never come. you are going to have to make that right time for yourself, and trust me when i say that the right time to pursue your studies and academic ambitions is now, even if it is night classes, online classes, or classes that you attend infrequently until you are ready to commit to the full academic experience. don’t let your fears that you are too old or are being too ridiculous get in the way of you honouring your aspirations.

others of you in this group may have recently lost a loved one, either through their passing or through what you thought was going to be a long-term relationship suddenly ending. when i say “recently”, i mean within the last two to three years, which for many people seems like a long enough time that you should have gotten over this grief already. but you have not, and that is completely understandable. you hide behind a smile, knowing that you are crying every night in your room unsure if you can still stay committed to this academic path without the person who once inspired and motivated you to keep pushing forward.

in both cases, you cannot help but compare yourself to the people around you who appear to be doing so much better than you. who appear to be succeeding when your life seems to be stalling. you can’t help but think of how happy and fulfilled you would be if you were a different person whose life turned out just a little differently. but you are not a different person whose life turned out just a little differently. this is your life, and you are going to have to live it, whatever that means for you. are you wallowing in your despair and running away from both your dreams and your problems so much that you are actually just running away from living your life? are you looking at your options and goals and telling yourself you’ll make the decision on what to do tomorrow, every single night? are you looking at your coursework and assignments and tests and feeling your throat fill with bile?

you are going to have to make a much-needed change in your life. be it going back to school or leaving school for the time-being or starting therapy to help you through this, you are going to have to take the leaf of faith. and if you ever feel lost, turn to archangel gabriel. he will be there for you ♡

GROUP THREE cards ⋆ knight of cups, ten of pentacles, king of cups, the magician (reversed), four of cups (reversed), the sun (reversed)

songs ⋆ now or never by meet me @ the altar, main agar kahoon by son nigam & shreya ghoshal, when love’s around by zayn

hi my group three ♡ your message comes from archangel azrael. you may be particularly privileged, whether in that your studies are funded with ease by your family or that you have a family that will support you regardless of what “failings” occur or what decisions you make regarding your studies and academic pursuits.

this has allowed you a certain freedom that many of your peers may never have been afforded, giving you the space to try over and over again and/or opportunity to try different things and experiment until you figure out where your passion lies.

yet, the lack of expectation is an expectation in and of itself, and you may feel as if your constant search for something fulfilling to pursue both academically and afterwards as a professional career has left you listless and uninspired. your friends and peers all have something to work towards, while the time you have spent switching from thing to thing to thing to thing has only left you more confused than ever. you feel that while your peers have become more intelligent from their committed studies, you have stagnated and cannot compare to them at all. and while it is not at all noticeable to others, you feel as if in conversations everyone can tell that you’re not studying something more “intense” like microbiology or chemistry or law. you feel as if once you leave the room, everyone laughs at you for pursuing art or theatre or english instead of a real subject that will get you a real job. or you feel as if once you leave the room, everyone laughs because you’re repeating the year again.

and even if your family isn’t well-off, or even comfortable, and you’ve got to this point on bursaries or scholarships or your own hard work and your family is just one that loves you and trusts you enough to make the right decisions for you, you feel as if people look down on you for the path you’ve chosen because they believe you have the safety net to do as you please because of course you can just drop out and run home to daddy’s money. when you don’t and you can’t. and while at first, you may have felt confident that this is the right path for you and were completely assured that nothing would ever change your mind, you have started to doubt yourself. the uncertainty seems so big that it could almost drown you, and you wonder if you should just make the final switch to something that is more practical or that is going to be easier to pass, even if it doesn’t actually bring you any joy or fulfilment. even if it starves your soul instead of nourishing it. because at least if you conform to other people’s expectations, they will leave you alone a little and your fears will be hushed; because at least in this way you can just graduate or have a degree instead of spending another year or two pursuing your studies.

change is necessary, of course, but only if the change you are making is one that comes from a decision, you’re making for yourself based on your own needs, desires, and the life you want to build for yourself. know that you are going to find your passion again, you are going to find your place in this world and find that your life is filled with so much riches, abundance, prosperity, and love, even if it takes some time. even if it takes longer for you than it does for others. and if you ever feel lost, turn to archangel azrael. he will be there for you ♡

GROUP FOUR cards ⋆ six of swords (reversed), the magician, nine of cups, four of swords, the hierophant, seven of cups (reversed), wheel of fortune

songs ⋆ student loans by tobi lou, ridgemont baby by monaleo, blinding lights by the weeknd, drink with the leaves by lausse the cat & the young wizard

hi my group four ♡ your message comes from archangel raphael. you are currently in a transitional period, going from high school to college or college into your postgraduate studies. you are as excited for this period of your life as you are unsure of what is to comes and what it has to offer you. you wonder if you’ll flourish or if you’ll languish; if the time you spent pursuing your academic pursuits will pay off in your favour; if you will get the job of your dreams and be able to build the life you have always envisioned.

as sure as you are of your ability to succeed, you cannot help but compare yourself to your peers and to others who have transitioned out of your current situation. you hear about the graduate who hasn’t been able to find work for three years now, or find out about your friends keep getting rejections from jobs or graduate programs, and you can’t help but worry if that will be you as well. and so, both to combat what you fear is an inevitability and to ignore your own fears, you overcompensate. instead of going into the workforce, you do your bachelors and another bachelors and your masters and another masters and now of course you have to do your phd. and that’s fine, of course, in fact that’s highly commendable. but your academic pursuits cannot be a crutch for you to lean on because you are too scared of the real world and what it may hold for you.

nobody doubts your intelligence or drive, in fact it is your intelligence and drive that causes people not to see how lost you may actually be. how unsure you actually are about what your future holds. how you may not even know what you want to do outside of your studies, besides for the most abstract of ideas. someone asks you what your plans for the future are and you breathe a sigh of relief because you can say that you’re focusing on your education for the time being and know that this will not just get you out of the conversation but will get you praise for your dedication. but the reprieve that this offers you is only temporary.

and afterwards you are going to be back in that hole of worry and running away from your worry which only makes your worry worse. a horrible ouroboros. what you need right now is guidance from someone who understands where you’re coming from, who has been in this exact position, and who can provide you with the guidance that you need.

while it may be difficult to reach out to your educators, lecturers, or professors, especially if you are in a new environment around new people, building this connection is going to serve you for the utmost best. you are so dedicated to your path, but you lack purpose, and this is something that many who have dedicated themselves to academia can understand.

but, my dear, you must know that everything will turn out not just well but better than you could ever imagine. the sleepless nights, the early mornings, the hours spent working on assignments, the days spent studying… these things have not been for nothing, i promise you, even if your life takes a different route that the one you have envisioned or have prepared for. even if you have to take the leap of faith and go into the real world. eventually, and before you are ready—because if you keep waiting to be ready for the next stage of your life you are never going to move on the comfort of the safety net you have built. but i must insist that you will succeed, believe this, and if you ever feel lost, turn to archangel raphael. he will be there for you ♡

#tarot #tarot reading #pac #pick a card #pick a picture #pick a pile #pick an image #pick a group #tarotblr #**#archangel michael #archangel raphael #archangel azrael #archangel gabriel

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respectthepetty · 2 months

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I will never speak of this or acknowledge its existence

Phee had exactly one picture of Tan.

And if Tan knew it existed, he would have burned it.

Phee had lost count of the pictures he had with the other boys. They had taken so many in the time they had known each other. They were always smiling with their arms around each other. Some pictures he had taken. Others were Jin’s doing.

But not one of those pictures included Tan.

None of the other boys directly asked Tan why he wasn’t in the pictures. Honestly, Phee didn’t think most of them even realized that Tan wasn’t in them or maybe they thought Tan was self-conscious. He came across as timid because that’s how he wanted them to see him. Phee knew Tan was confident and assertive, but these boys couldn’t know that. Either way, Tan strangely never seemed to be around when they took pictures.

Phee thought it was because Tan didn’t want to be spotted in a photo by someone who knew him as New. He asked Tan about it that night, but Tan quickly dismissed the claim. He was high, which began happening more frequently than Phee cared to acknowledge, but Tan said more when he was high. Information would never flow from Tan regardless of how high he was, but he wouldn’t just stare at Phee like he normally did when he was sober. So that night, Tan responded that he had no friends to remember him as New. He said it like it was a common fact. He had spent so much time studying to get a scholarship that he never had time to make friends. Then, when he was abroad, he spent so much time studying to maintain the scholarship that he never made friends.

Phee was in Tan’s room as Tan was tearing through the cookies Phee had brought over on account of Tan being high. The last time they had smoked, Tan had described these soft chocolate and orange cookies he used to eat when he was abroad, which made Phee’s stomach rumble since Tan spoke of them with a warmth Phee hadn’t expected Tan possible of possessing for food. Phee had ordered them the same day Tan spoke of them and decided today was the day to deliver them. They were different than he thought they’d be.

But so was Tan.

Tan had given Phee a key to his room a few months ago, so he had let himself in while Tan was working at his desk. He didn’t know why Tan had given him the key, but when Tan handed it to him one random Tuesday after school, he simply said, “Just in case,” as if that was enough explanation. Phee guessed it was because he was at Tan’s a lot, planning and thinking. Tan never went to Phee’s house, no matter how many times Phee invited him. And he never gave a reason. Most of the time, he didn’t even give an answer. Whenever Phee would ask him over, Tan would simply look at Phee in a way that made Phee embarrassed for asking, as if Tan was silently reminding Phee that they weren’t the type of friends who hung out at each other’s houses just for fun. As if Tan was reminding Phee that they weren’t friends. Yet it didn’t deter Phee from asking again, and again, and again. He liked to believe that one day, Tan would actually accept. The invite? His friendship? Him.

Phee was high.

So was Tan who was quietly enjoying the bizarre cookies and busy rewriting notes on some subject he already knew everything about. Phee’s mind was left to wander until Tan remembered that Phee was in the room with him. This happened so often that usually, Phee would text the guys in the group chat which Tan never responded to, or watch a video on his phone about stuff Tan didn’t care about. But that night, after Tan confessed to never having friends, Phee sat in his chair next to Tan and examined the space he had sat in so many times before. Posters of the human body and chemical formulas decorated the walls. Tan’s desk was covered with containers and assorted models. When Phee's eyes roamed back to Tan for a moment, Phee briefly thought this must have been who he was aboard. Tan, sitting there with his cookies and his notes, offered a glimpse of New’s world. Phee quickly continued his silent observation of Tan’s room in hopes of finding more artifacts of New.

He noticed the only pictures in the room were attached to the board Tan used to pin his notes of the boys which he glared at when he was planning and thinking. Beyond the few items Phee had spotted, there was nothing else in the room that showed who New was. Then again, New no longer existed, and Tan was busy eating cookies and rewriting notes.

When Phee finally reacted to Tan’s statement about not having friends (much too late for it to matter, but time was never of importance in Tan’s room), it was merely in his head.

Tan is Non’s brother.

It felt so obvious. He had known this, but as he sat there, the realization rolled over him as if he was confronting the truth for the first time.

Phee’s room said something about him. It had clothes thrown everywhere. It had pictures of his family. It had little items that showed his interests. Jin’s room said something about him. It had pictures of the guys. It had posters on the wall of movies he loved. It had little figurines on his shelves. Just like Non’s room.

And, ironically, that’s why Phee had made the connection in this room devoid of time and apparently devoid of Tan.

He hadn’t realized Tan had dozed off at his desk curled over his notes, but as soon as Non popped into Phee’s head, he had been so consumed by his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed anything else. Phee had made the comparison before he could stop where it was heading. This happened each time Non slipped into his thoughts, which was too often . . .

because Tan is Non’s brother.

Phee tried to shake the thought out of his head, but that made all his other thoughts emerge from their watery depths causing him more confusion. He wanted to turn off his brain because he knew where this was going. He was high, but he hadn’t realized just how much until all those thoughts called to him in hopes of dragging him underwater.

Yet Tan was sleeping peacefully at his desk.

Just like Non would.

Non and Tan were both smart, but Phee had picked up on other little things Tan did that reminded him of Non. Non got lost in his work as easily as Tan did. Tan was as passionate and stubborn about his work as Non was. Non’s face gave his feelings away often, and surprisingly, so did Tan’s. They were small facial changes, but Phee always noticed them. Just like he noticed that both boys rarely smiled, but when they did, it was a look of pure joy. Like when Tan was eating these weird orange cookies.

And they both kept their secrets.

“He had an apple,” Phee whispered to Tan.

That was it. That was his response to Tan’s earlier confession about having no friends, but it wasn’t loud enough to even stir Tan from his hazy slumber. He should have felt guilt for almost waking Tan up. He should have felt sadness for thinking of Non in that moment. But instead, he felt exposed.

Because Tan is Non’s brother.

Non didn’t have a picture of Tan in his room. Or on his phone. Non didn’t have pictures of his parents either, so Phee wasn’t surprised Non didn’t have a picture of him, not really at least. Non had a picture of Phee looking out at the water with him, but nobody would know that was Phee.

But Non had a picture of the boys.

And he had an apple.

They had eaten an apple the day Phee gave Non the red bracelet. Phee asked Non to be his boyfriend, yet Non hadn’t answered him. Phee kept asking again, and again, and again until one day, Non finally accepted. And when Phee went to apologize to Non at his house, he found a shattered picture of the boys instead. He knew of them, and he hated them. Then, he saw the picture of the apple, and his hate shifted inward where it had nested and expanded. He thought about it often. He wrestled with it. Non didn’t have a picture of him, but he had a picture of those boys. Phee knew those boys, but none of those boys knew Phee. How would they? Non didn’t even have a picture of Phee. No. Non had their picture.

And he had a picture of an apple.

That meant something. That’s what Phee had to remind himself. It meant something.

Non had a picture of those boys

and an apple.

It was Non’s secret.

After Non disappeared, his room remained frozen, devoid of time, telling the story again, and again, and again. Non didn’t have friends; he had secrets.

Phee was Non’s secret.

And here Phee was again, a secret. Tan’s secret.

Tan had no friends. He said it with such ease. The boys with their pictures plastered on the board weren’t Tan’s friends. Those boys weren’t Non’s either, yet both brothers had their pictures.

But not Phee’s.

The guys thought Phee and Tan were hiding a secret. They thought Phee and Tan were sleeping together. They constantly questioned Phee and Tan’s closeness. They joked that Phee and Tan were lying. Jin accused Phee of hooking up with Tan since they were never invited to Tan’s. But every time, Phee reminded them all that there was no big secret. Phee was Tan’s friend. Nothing more. They were just friends.

And he believed that. They were the only two who had loved Non. They were there for each other. They were connected by their loss.

But Phee wasn’t Tan’s friend. Tan didn’t have friends. He had made that clear. Tan was like Non. They didn’t have friends. They had secrets.

And Phee was one.

Everyone had secrets. Tan and Phee were in this situation because of everyone else’s secrets. That’s why Tan couldn’t tell anyone who Phee was. He couldn’t tell this group of boys that Phee was the reason the charges on Non were dropped. Tan couldn’t tell them how he knew Phee. Tan couldn’t tell them who Phee was, not to Non, and not to him.

Phee could walk away from all of this. Tan had told him that from the very beginning when Tan had come up with this plan. When Tan had said that Phee could leave whenever, Phee believed it was Tan’s way of trying to keep him out of danger, which is why they had to keep quiet, but now he knows better. Tan's admission that he doesn’t have friends brought Phee clarity.

Because he is nothing to Tan except a secret. Tan doesn’t need Phee, and if Phee decided to leave, Tan wouldn’t lose anything. Tan made sure of that. Tan planned for that.

There was a time when Phee truly believed that if told Tan how he felt, he would be free. Not only of these feelings, but also the anger he felt. He knew he could leave Tan, but that would only rid him of Tan, not these feelings. He was never naïve enough to believe Tan needed him, but he thought Tan at least cared about him, and that belief is why he didn’t confess to Tan. He knew Tan would be so disgusted by Phee’s feelings that he would see it as a betrayal . . . to their plan? To Non? Why would Tan see it as anything else when Tan only saw Phee as a secret to be used for that fucking plan?

Because Tan is Non’s brother!

Phee had felt this way for longer than he was comfortable admitting. At first, Phee dismissed his feelings. He ignored them because he knew his feelings weren’t about Non and that made him feel guilty. That’s why he tried to not think about Non, but that was the root of these feelings.

Because Tan is Non’s brother.

And it started with all those little things that Tan did to remind him of Non. It was the simplest answer. The only reason Phee felt the way he did about Tan was because Tan reminded him of Non, and Phee had loved Non. He loved the way Non got so lost in his work that Phee had to remind him to take his meds. He loved the way Non was so passionate about his projects that he wanted to finish them no matter how much effort he had to put in. He loved making Non smile, and he loved that he could see Non’s emotions on his face, even when he knew Non was lying to him.

And these were all the things he loved about Tan.

He loved that he knew how Tan felt because it was written on Tan’s face. That’s why he wore Jin’s uniform to school. He wanted to see how Tan felt. He easily admitted that he had sex with Jin, but he didn’t tell Tan how he was so angry at Jin that he couldn’t even look at his face. Phee let Tan believe whatever he wanted just so he could see the raw emotion on Tan’s face, but when the emotion finally showed on Tan’s face, Phee had to look away. Tan’s expression was one of disgust, but not for Tan himself. Tan was questioning Phee’s loyalty, to their plan, to Non.

Because Tan is Non’s brother.

Tan never thought of himself. Tan had been so lost in planning and thinking that he didn’t even remember his birthday. His real one, not the one he put down on the forged documents to get into school. But Phee remembered it. The first time, Tan’s parent had sent him a message and some money still believing he was abroad which served as a brief reminder that Tan once had a life of his own. Tan didn’t celebrate even after the message came through. He immediately shot off a response to them and kept working on his notes, but Phee mentally noted that day. So here Phee sat a year later, with these damn chocolate and orange cookies that he ordered specifically for New’s birthday restraining himself from caressing New’s hair as he slept.

He wanted to keep New safe. He wanted to protect him. He wanted to save him.

Just like he had wanted to save Non.

But he knew none of that was possible because New is Non’s brother.

New was going to follow through with this plan no matter what happened to him because New is Non’s brother, and they don’t know when to stop until it’s too late. Non wouldn’t let Phee help him. He kept his secrets. And New was the same. Phee couldn’t protect Non, and he knew he couldn’t protect New. Phee failed Non, and he couldn’t keep New safe, not from these boys, and not from himself.

So instead, Phee took his picture.

He had brought his camera in hopes of taking a birthday photo of New with his dumb cookies, but once Phee realized New had forgotten his birthday, Phee kept the camera in his bag. In hopes of fighting the reckless urge to stroke New’s relaxed face, Phee quickly grabbed the camera from his bag and awkwardly took a picture. Phee didn’t even inspect the photo. He had already begun placing the camera back into his bag when he realized a partially eaten cookie was next to New’s hand, which meant it would likely be in the picture. The bite New had taken out of it revealed the orange jelly inside, and it gave the cookie the appearance of a gemstone beckoning Phee to hold it. Phee knew he should leave it where it was, but the idea of sharing this gem with New forced him to move, so he carefully grabbed the cookie with his other hand as to not disturb Tan and placed it in his mouth.

The cookie was just as strange as it was when he had eaten the others. The textures were conflicting. The cookie was soft. The chocolate was hard. Yet the orange, the orange . . .

Would be the feel of New’s lips. It would be the taste of New’s mouth. It would be the scent lingering on New’s breath.

Phee immediately shoved the camera back into the bag and turned to leave. New didn’t even budge. For a moment, Phee hesitated at the door. He wanted to move New to the bed like he done countless other times, but Phee knew if he got New into the bed, the weight of New’s body mixed with Phee’s current state would drag him down into that bed with him and all his drowning desires.

So he opened the door and left New behind.

---

He wasn’t sure when sleep finally came to him that night, but when it did, it brought Non and his red bracelet. They were by the water in their spot with a small bag of apples settled next to them on the blanket they had spread out. Phee’s head was resting in Non’s lap. Phee looked at Non’s hand which was gently placed on his chest, and admired the red bracelet that adorned his wrist. When Phee went to intertwine their hands, Non playfully avoided the gesture by grabbing an orange cookie from the spot where the apples had previously been mere seconds ago. When Phee looked back up to Non’s face, New looked back at him in the red shirt he had on the first day they met, offering him a bite of the cookie.

---

Phee would remember that dream every time he looked at the picture. In his haste to take the picture, it was slightly blurry, but he still foolishly printed a copy of it and hid it in a book in his room because he wanted something tangible. He wanted something to hold. He could’ve left the picture out. His father never came into his room, and Tan would never come over, so there was no chance he would see it. It was common for the other guys to take photos of each other sleeping after a night of partying. They jokingly shared the photos in the chat. If any of them saw it, they wouldn’t have thought twice about it. Then again, they probably wouldn’t even realize it was Tan.

But this was Phee’s secret to keep.

This was his secret to protect.

This was his to save.

Phee had exactly one picture of New, and if Tan knew it existed, he would have burned it.

Because New was Non’s brother.

But New couldn’t exist.

So neither could Phee’s love for him

#DFF #Tan x Phee #because when Phee held Tan as he cried #I was a goner #apples and oranges

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desi-lgbt-fest · 11 months

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As a young sapphic who's still in high school and coming into her identity, it gives me chills sometimes when my mom laughs and talks of a possible near future where she hopes to marry me to a boy(and goes on to talk of how he must be from the same community and I should be glad I'm not marrying my cousin). It makes me wanna work harder and get a scholarship to go abroad as far as I can. Any advice or hope?

Hey anon, first of all, thank you so much for sharing, and know that you're not the only one who feels this way.

This is a bit anecdotal but let me tell you a story of how, literally two days ago, I went to this local south asian pride event. In hindsight, there weren't a lot of people there. Maybe upwards to about 80 to 100 people? However, when I arrived, I was overwhelmed by the sheer amount of queer desi people just present. And I'm talking trans people, genderqueers, asexuals, people in poly relationships, and people of all genders in lehengas and kurtas and rainbow saris. There were people out to their parents and even more not out, preferring to live freely and safely.

Even as a queer person myself, I could not comprehend how many people there were like me and different from me. And I am fortunate to live in a very tolerant country. I remember saying out loud "Oh my god there are so many people here," and someone replying "Yeah, we exist outside of the screen too." I think it occurred to me then that maybe it's not a matter of me being alone, but me choosing to be because I'm always overwhelmed, shy, or terrified of the consequences of not meeting expectations.

Basically, anon, I'm trying to say that there is always hope. And often, community is much closer to you than you think. There are many of us living in similar circumstances. However, just like you, we fight in our own little ways. Some of us push back marriage to "focus on our careers", some might indoctrinate their parents in tiny ways until they are a little more tolerant than before, and others straight up come out after they have established themselves independently (these people are braver than any soldier to me). Either way, no matter the circumstance, we are always fighting.

Study hard, and go to a college far away. Or study hard and go to a college close by. Stay with your parents or don't stay with them. Get a job, or don't. Either way one day you will be an adult and you will find that community, and you will learn how to fight even harder than before.

#mod navi #by the way #it it's any consolation #i commute from my parent's house to college and somehow still found desi gay people everywhere #more common than you think and it's kind of scary #like boo where were you in my most formative years #now its gay people everywhere #ALSO #MY MOM TOLD ME THE SAME THING ABT MARRYING COUSINS #im pretty sure she was trying to scare me bc she's jealous of how much freedom i have at my age that she didn't #i straight up told her she was being weird and gross like no one does that not even people living in the motherland #that shut her up and put some perspective i think lmao

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strtrk · 1 month

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Please amplify Doha's story! Doha is a 19-year-old Palestinian student studying English literature. She's an immensely talented writer. Doha's campaign has been verified by Operation Olive Branch. I've been messaging her via Instagram, and she's told me how much she enjoys reading Japanese literature. Please read Doha's story below:

"Dear Fellow Human Beings,

My name is Doha Hassan, and I want to live.

I’m a Palestinian college student from Rafah, the southern most border in Gaza. Over the past four months I’ve seen the Israeli bombardment on Gaza creep closer and closer to my home.

I am nineteen years old, and I have hopes; I have dreams. I am passionate about reading and learning; and I have so many plans for my life, many of which came to a halt when Israel destroyed my university where I studied English literature. My youngest sister, Dana, is in kindergarten, Leen is in sixth grade and Ameer is in high school. I and my sister Raghad are university students.

Due to the destruction of universities, including my own, I have fallen behind my peers in education. Despite being a second-year college student, I am determined to start afresh and apply for a scholarship abroad. But I also need to be reassured that my family is safe.

Instead of being able to study and enjoy my time with my family, we have found ourselves living in dire conditions imposed by Israel’s genocidal war. Daily airstrikes and bombings have persisted for over four months, depriving us of sleep and leaving us traumatized. This is in addition to having endured 17 years of a siege during which Israel has continued to block essential supplies including food, fuel, drinking water, medicine, and electricity. As resources dwindle, even the most basic necessities become scarce and we often endure long queues just to obtain flour from UNRWA, when it’s available. But since the United States began its campaign to abolish UNRWA even that has become impossible.

Our challenges intensified when my sister fell ill and we were unable to access proper medical care due to Israel’s obliteration of Gaza’s entire hospital infrastructure. Despite our struggles, we opened our doors to provide shelter for displaced friends and family in northern Gaza, sharing what little we had with them and remaining resilient in the face of adversity. There are currently 1.5 million such internally displaced Palestinians in Rafah.

After two months, resources in Gaza became more scarce, compelling us to manually grind wheat to make bread and ration our meals to make ends meet. The hunger crisis gripping Gaza worsened, leaving us sleepless at night as we have been enduring relentless airstrikes and bombings. With gas supplies depleted, we have resorted to cooking and baking bread using coal, exacerbating my father and sister’s respiratory issues.

Despite our resilience, the looming threat is on my family’s doorstep as a ground invasion of Rafah is imminent. We’re not sure which will get us first: Israel’s genocidal war or Israel’s use of starvation as a weapon against Palestinians in Gaza.

We have been hoping against hope that there would be a lasting ceasefire, but the urgency of our situation has compelled us to seek safety in Egypt.

Your generosity and support can make a huge difference in saving our lives. The only way out of Gaza is through the Rafah border, which requires a fee of $7,000 for each adult and $3,500 for each child. The total amount for my family to get out of Gaza is $45,000. My family consists of 5 adults and 2 children. The horror we are living through is unimaginable. The non-stop air strikes and bombings have changed our lives to a battle of everyday survival.

Every contribution, regardless of its size, will help ensure our safe journey out of Rafah towards a more secure place in Egypt. Your generosity will provide us with an opportunity to reconstruct our lives.

With gratitude,

Doha"

#palestine #gaza #rafah #رفح #غزة #فلسطين #الادب #رمضان مبارك #literature #bookblr #reading #japanese literature #boost #signal boost

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softsky-daily · 7 months

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11/14/2023

The clouds in the evening were so deeply, gorgeously, vividly blue.

Positive thing: My friend and I studied together and I got some stuff done.

I think I am irreparably tired. Maybe not irreparably, but the amount of days off I would need to sleep and do nothing are way too much to be feasible without ending up dropping out or something, so basically it's just how it is I guess. I always end up getting mad when I have to think about how the reality of living inevitably involves work. My friend and I always say "what if everyone just stayed home tomorrow and didn't go to work" and like I'm sure a bunch of structural things would go haywire but in my head it's a nice idea. What would really be nice is an entire reworking of our society to prioritize rest (which I ranted about already). But I know that won't happen soon.

I have this notion of graduating and then somehow magically getting this specific scholarship that would let me go live in Japan doing research for a year (this is a real thing) and then from there somehow magically finding a job there so I can stay and then somehow magically making it as a counselor there. Forever. I know it's not impossible, but I think a lot of it entails me becoming fluent in Japanese within the next 2 years, which would be super hard. I'm working at it now but fluency is still an incredibly high level. I need it though just because of the nature of my career. Talking and being able to have a deep understanding of what the other person is saying is kind of the crux of the whole thing.

Anyway, dream plan #2 is becoming some kind of study abroad advisor or something, which I think would be pretty cool. Or maybe someone who works at an international school in another country (Japan lol). But I don't know how I would do that.

It kinda sucks because I feel like there were wider avenues for me to move to Japan before I started grad school, and now that I'm in grad school those paths have gotten narrower. But oh well. I'll figure it out at some point.

#skyposting #thoughtposting

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ratherbefangirling · 2 years

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Drabble : house of cards 🎴

Pairing : Jin x reader, Yoongi x reader

Genre: drama, angst

Warning: nepotism, cheating

A/n : can't believe I'm writing this even though cheating literally tops my list of things that are unforgivable.

You always thought life had been cruel to you and for that you had good reason.

Throughout your school years you do everything 'right' but still end up getting hurt

Like instead of going to hang out with your crush you go to comfort your friends but they've left to get some ice cream assuming you'd be too busy studying.

Or you practice diligently for school sports but due to nepotism, someone else gets the position of the head.

Still what makes life better is your crush

Who is your literal opposite and that's part of the reason why he is so desirable because rather than liking him perhaps you like the idea of him more.

I imagine it to be Jin because that man is a literal dream. He is surrounded by people who care for him even if its pretend and people who bend over for him no matter the trampling, because he's almost royalty.

Rich and handsome and the poster of perfection.

And you do balance out perfectly ambitious you and laidback him.

He always jokes he would be your perfect house husband.

Which kind of sucks for him because he genuinely likes you, is in love with you, would die to make you laugh and come alive for your smiles

and though you date and even if he's emotionally invested, you're extremely guarded.

To you he is an achievement, managing to bag Kim Seokjin you must be something.

It's not that you don't like him, how can one not.

But you do not have the same glow on your face that he does when he kisses you.

You just adore how happy you make him. Unknowingly his love becomes your emotional high.

He still believes his love can make you love him.

It does not.

You end up cheating on him with Yoongi.

It's not cheating exactly but there are tears and betrayal and the worst part is he still wants you.

And maybe even who the other person is

Because only people you trust can break it.

Yoongi had always liked you and admired you.

Even taking up basketball because of you but ended up genuinely enjoying the sport.

He had gotten a sports scholarship to architecture school and when he reconnected with Jin, but you and Jin were already dating.

But you start hanging out and its innocent enough Jin is busy with work and responsibilities and has to go abroad ( Jin does send you cute pics in case you miss him and his handsome face) and you are left with your brand new empty shared apartment.

And you both start enjoying each others company. A little too much.

Laughing at dreadful buisness dinners. Building furniture together, spending time just listening to each other.

Yoongi realises he has fallen in love with you all over again and that moment is nothing grand, if anything it's the opposite.

You're drinking soup from a cup and the theirs something on your upper lip and you're smiling and glowing and there's a terrible ache in his heart.

Yoongi ends up avoiding you and it drives you absolutely crazy

Emotions hitting you like a train

So you go to his apartment, terribly aware of your own traitorous heart.

He doesn't look at you so you scream and cry and beg.

"You are my best friends girlfriend. What ever I feel has to go"

"What about me. I love you. I don't know why or how but I do."

He screams your name in warning, in pain.

It's all a blur then and you are crying, holding each other apart , holding each other close.

A vase shatters.

You look up to see Jin. Who had just come up to his bestfriends house to show him the engagement ring he'd gone to get. The one stolen from your Pinterest page.

And what's worse than loosing one person you love

Loosing two

This was inspired by a reel which said min yoongi was the standard and showed the shot of its where yoongi was talking about going to go fishing with jin bc that's what jin liked and I was watching never have I ever on Netflix so yeah hope you enjoyed.

#bts #jin #bts x reader #bts angst #bts drabble #drabble au #jin x reader #yoongi #yoongi x reader #jin angst #yoongi angst #bts imagine #bts imagines #jin fic #yoongi fics #bts au #bts fanfic

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cinnaberry · 9 months

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A Very Long Introduction (why you should never give up)

Hello world! It's my first post :) Not sure if anyone will read this as it's basically a personal diary, but what follows is (long) rambling about how I came to study abroad.

When I was a 5th grader in 2012 I watched a youtube video on the desktop computer in my family's basement from a high school student studying abroad. Since that point studying abroad has been my biggest and only dream.

In middle school and the beginning of high school I dreamed secretly and spent hours every day reading blogs and watching videos from students studying around the world. I have always been the type that is scared to talk about my interests for no reason, so I never shared this hope of mine. I began working part-time and put aside all of my money for whenever I made it abroad. Finally, towards the end of high school I gathered up my courage (it took a lot) and asked my parents if I could apply to a study abroad program. It took some convincing but eventually, they supported me, and I put all of my heart into an application to study with NSLIY, a competitive program for American high schoolers.

I was rejected in the first round and honestly, it was a huge disappointment. I had dreamed so earnestly for so long, shouldn't I at least get through to the second round? Looking back now I can see that while I had the passion, realistically my extracurriculars and other "stats" were not very competitive.

Eventually, I moved on from NSLIY but still continued to dream of studying abroad. I graduated high school in 2019 and began to study at a college with a great foreign language program. I started taking classes in Mandarin Chinese and immediately began applying for summer study-abroad programs in China during my first semester, however, before acceptance decisions were released the COVID-19 pandemic began and all programs were canceled.

I finished my freshman year of college online from my bedroom at home and stayed online for sophomore year as well. Online classes were rough, but I stayed optimistic by looking forward to studying abroad. I planned to go to Beijing for the spring semester of my freshman year, 2 years after the pandemic began.

Yet as the fall semester of my junior year began it became clear that China's borders would not open to exchange students in time for my program. I frantically applied last minute to another program in Taiwan, but that one was eventually canceled as well. I'm sure this will come off as out of touch since studying abroad is a privilege many don't even think to dream of, but that semester I was pushed into a deep deep depression spurred on by the official cancellation of my program. I had seen it coming for a few months and it was truly no surprise, but that final email notice suspending the program hurt. I found myself randomly crying throughout the day for weeks and nothing brought me joy. I had been dreaming of studying abroad for about 10 years and soon I would be graduating college and starting work and my dream would never come true.

I healed slowly and am incredibly grateful for my college friends. Spending time with them was the only way I could forget about my disappointment. Honestly, the entirety of junior year was tough but I slowly began to move on and my senior year I had new dreams. My friends and I would stay up late in the library frantically studying for tests and applying for hundreds of jobs. By December I was incredibly lucky to have a job lined up for after graduation, and it was in the same city as my best friend.

Then in the first week of my final semester of college, my Chinese professor forwarded my class an email from an organization that grants scholarships to study Chinese in Taiwan (the Huayu Enrichment Scholarship, HES). While I had mostly moved on to new dreams, I immediately felt a deep pang in my chest as I remembered the biggest dream I held for so long. I went back and forth about applying for a while, I didn't want to get hurt again, but eventually I figured I had nothing to lose. I probably wouldn't get in but that's okay since I already had post-grad plans.

I got recommendations from my professors and began gathering together my application. Quickly I realized, hey, actually, I have a ton of experiences to write about. By that point, I had taken years of language classes and involved myself in countless language exchanges and cultural clubs. Not to mention I had a very close relationship with my professors and classmates. But still, I didn't want to get my hopes up and tried not to think too much after submitting my application.

I made amazing memories with friends during that last semester and graduated in May with no regrets. Then, on May 27th 2023 I got my acceptance email. Truly the happiest day of my life (well now second happiest, after the day I first arrived in Taiwan hehe).

I dropped out of my job last minute (which I did feel a little bad about, sorry!) and spent the summer preparing to leave (applying for my visa, buying luggage, etc etc). And now, finally, I am here! In Taiwan! In my own apartment! Omg!!!!!!!!!! :D

We'll see if/how much I write. I've never written a blog post before and, as I wrote above, I'm not sure if anyone will read this anyway (it's so long O_O). I actually felt a strong obligation to post about my experience. Like I said earlier, I have been reading study abroad blogs for years and now I am finally able to give back to the community with my own story.

After writing this all out my final takeaway is to never give up! I chased my dream for 11 years and at many points it seemed impossible to achieve, yet here I am, my dream came true :) To any readers, I believe in you and your dream too! Good luck!

#study abroad #taiwan #hes #huayu enrichment scholarship

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oddlysweet · 10 months

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Daddy Issues

My Libra father comes from a very remote village in the north-eastern corner of what some random white folks dubbed “Afghanistan” and yes, my disdain for the word comes from him. The patriarchs of his family have been the religious scholars of the province for a millennium; as the oldest surviving male, he was teaching the Qur’an and the works of Hafez, Rumi, and other Islamic philosophers at nine years of age. Obviously brilliant, he left home for Baghlan hundreds of miles away so that he could pursue a higher education as there were no high schools nearby. He takes great pride in his academic achievements and when regaling the memories of a time long past, one can tell just how much of his identity was forged in the pursuit of excellence. Having always been at the top of his school, he was offered a full-ride scholarship to the University of Tehran, where he would be studying for the next decade, becoming a Doctor of Veterinary Medicine.

Though it might seem like he was all work and no play, each summer, after having saved up his scholarship funds by living extremely disciplined, he would make the trek back to his home, buying goods at low cost and selling them along the way back to Takhar to give money to his parents. He would spend a few weeks there maybe, before going off on vacation to various parts of Asia and Europe, very much living his life to the fullest along with millions of other hippies. By the time the bloodshed was to arrive in his homeland, he was almost done with his studies and had planned to go back and practice medicine in the highly agrarian society. Those dreams were dashed when the massacres began, and his youngest brother--not even having completed high school--was conscripted and sent off to die in the foreign land of Kandahar alone, and for nothing.

He, like many millions of others, made his escape and found himself in Europe for a couple years before making it to southwestern United States as a political refugee seeking asylum. He found work as a vet tech and started the long, humiliating process of getting licensed as a doctor from a foreign country. At the time, only one school in the country indulged graduates from abroad and he worked tirelessly to provide for himself and jump through more hoops in a language that was his weakest of the five or six he could speak fluently enough. Like all Afghans in their thirties, he was feeling the pressure of procreation, and pragmatically went about to find a wife.

When asked why he chose my Aries mother, he joked it was decided by a game of wishbone, and it was down to her or her Gemini sister. This I would reluctantly learn was egregiously untrue given the amount of shit she talked about her and her innocent children, not to mention the schism between my parents has a name and it is my only aunt--and by extension--the entirety of the maternal side of my tree. Years later when I was old enough, I would learn he married my mother because her own mother came from a relatively close place to where he grew up, counting on future resonance and harmony given an undoubtedly similar set of cultural values and upbringing. It also helped that the first time he went inquiring to my grandmother’s household, my mother came home exhausted from work, sat down at the tablecloth, and proceeded to wolf down three heaping, delicious servings without a care in the world so he took it as sign that he would never go hungry.

They eventually married on the condition that they would live far from her family and moved to Arizona. On the night of their wedding--which was a triple wedding with one of her brothers and her sister—my father, who had drunk his share of alcohol in his travels, offered my mother her first sip, some celebratory champagne. The last thing she remembers is bringing the glass to her lips, and as my father puts, promptly went out like a lamp. In the nights to come she would complain about the stink on his breath and told him that he would not be sleeping in her bed if he was drinking, so he gave it up and never looked back. This was the beginning of many compromises he would make for his wife, not that this one was anything he would ruminate and tear himself up over for decades to come.

While studying for exams, language proved to be more of a barrier than he initially thought, and with my mother’s biological clock ticking down (but not really, at the age of 31) he caved to her impatience, and they decided to drag me out of bliss and foist me upon a time and world that would never be ready for me. This highly accomplished man--literally one in a million--a polymath with no limits to his intellect, gave up his licensing aspirations and bought a landscaping business for 500$ in the classifieds the year I was born, eventually moving into a small apartment a block away from his in-laws.

I am sure given that he had no family of his own--all his siblings were stuck in desolate nightmare where the rivers ran red—that when I was born, all the loneliness and suffering became worth it. I can only speak from my experience, but the relationship the parents from my diaspora have with their children is extremely charged and morbid. Their own lives cease to exist the moment we take our first breaths, and every action and thought derives from the urgent need for the safety, security, and success of their offspring. There are times when I would get sick and in turn, he himself would come down with illness, or back aches. He worked extremely hard, to the admiration of all my family, and went on to purchase a house with a half-acre where my brother and I would spend our formative years, a couple hours away from the nearest relatives.

I would bounce from school to school in my pre-adolescence and be uprooted before my slow-warming awkward self would begin to make friends or feel like anything other than an overly sensitive, misunderstood outsider. This would be another regret he would beat himself up over, cursing his compromises to keep his wife happy--who traumatized, like every other Afghan who made it out--clearly needed her family. For as long as I can remember, my parents had their hearts set for me to attend the most prestigious public school in the East Bay, although the moves closer every few years were justified by cutting my father’s three to four hours daily commute down significantly.

Near the end of junior high, I was closer to my father as I would ever be, in the sense that I was within the top percentile of an underfunded, overcrowded school of thousands. Despite my identity crises and the demolition of the towers (which served as a baptism of sorts, being the day that my time here had truly begun,) I was making strides, and almost felt good enough to indulge in that which I always knew in my heart to be my raison d’etre, the sharing of the very same organ. Of course, we would move again and my father’s pride in me would be extremely short lived as this new school, in a city of one square mile, had consistently tested high in offered a 96% university acceptance rate to its students, the majority of whom were classmates since preschool. I struggled to fit in obviously and adopted a friend to many but tribe of one kind of existence; barely keeping up with the higher standards and pace of a place in such demand that admission was limited to only those who could afford the impacted property tax rate of the miniscule municipality.

Life began to make itself known to me and my inability to get through the days with an acceptable enough fake smile and submissive attitude towards my progenitors was especially unacceptable. It wasn’t just the random undeserved beatings anymore, although I did decide I wasn’t going to be hit anymore, by my mother or my father, and started hitting back. They started drug testing me, which wounded our relationship beyond anything they’ll ever be able to realize, and they forced me on SSRI’s, another thing he regrets immensely when he’s romanticizing his life and mistakes but is quick to point out in the same breath that I am mentally ill, sick beyond redemption and a mistake to put it lightly. I remember being 14 and finally unburdening myself of the sexual trauma that occurred under his nose ten years prior, which I internalized and began to understand was the catalyst of my social anxieties and disappearing smile, but he just wrote it off and suggested I was depressed and needed medication. They wouldn’t make it official, fearing for their reputations of producing a fucked-up kid, and getting me diagnosed, instead they went to family and slipped me drugs now proven to quadruple the chances of developing Alzheimer’s under the table.

The 12-year-old child who left home to ascend over mountains of mediocrity would stand at the top of the stairs with his phone ready to call 911 as he shut the power to our home erasing all the work I was barely managing to submit to get the A’s—now B’s, that they greedily expected. Once I decided I had enough of the theft of my being, I stopped taking their poison and we had the inevitable blowout loud enough for them to give up on me, I foolishly admitted to the swine arrived to fuck up the day that I no longer wanted to live. Four times, these two traumatized survivors completely out of their depth--who never deserved to have each other let alone two kids--did the unforgivable and brought a useless property-protecting, slave-hunting band of inferiority complexes into my home to cart me off to a mental institution.

I barely survived high school, and when I did get into the two nearest UC’s aside from Cal, my first choice which I pissed away the follow up application--fresh out the hospital, my mind addled on their drug regimen--I chose the wrong one, farthest from my home and didn’t speak to my father for half the year until the day he drove down to pick me and my things up, having admitted defeat that I wasn’t cut out for it. They may blame my washing out on my newly found crutch of cannabis, which they sabotaged my experience with for years before I ever tried it, but I was completely adrift and unhealthy, falling below 150lbs for my 6ft stature, and just weeks away from full-blown auditory hallucinations.

In the many years since dropping out, I’ve made great strides to become the person I always imagined I could be. I’ve found some amazing friends, learned a lot of hard lessons, and cultivated a more balanced, well-rounded personality and demeanor. My calming energy might just be my double-Virgoan, quadruple-earth primary placements but I think it is in the innate desire to be good, to do good, ponder deeply, see clearly that my naturally healing and wondrous energy gets noticed by those few I expose myself to—but if I’m being completely honest, I could do without all the heroin addicts that flock to me, for so many reasons, which I’ll get into some other time.

Ever since I expressed the desire to cultivate my own cannabis ten years ago, I have been viewed as a junkie in my father’s eyes. Strange considering where he comes from is responsible for most of the genetics we have today, progressive as he may seem, I guess wanting to become self-sufficient and reduce the bad karma involved with scoring “drugs” off the street is where he draws the line. At least he hasn’t disowned my brother for being less than heterosexual…though I think there’s a fair amount of denial and hoping it’s just a phase involved.

In the times since our first period of silence, it has repeated half a dozen times. Since that time, I can count on my hands the phases of happiness to contrast with my perpetual low that is my normal and most those times, it was me realizing I could make a life for myself unfettered by the guilt of capitalism and all the unnatural things we do to seek some semblance of financial stability. Living with friends and trapping, selling my hard work to people looking for a little relief at universally low prices, I was providing a public service rather than emulating your favorite rapper. I remember leaving from drops with a genuine grin shared privately with the cosmos and whatever innocent bystander that happened to bear witness the live giving smile they would momentarily fall in love with skating by. Unbeknownst to them I was realizing just how similar I was to my father; being my own boss, carrying my own destiny in my hands, adding some temporary escape to people’s day from a world rife with suffering and convolution, and detachment--not unlike the serenity one feels when drinking tea in a garden he had a hand in.

I had so many plans for my path and this plant—not that I would devote my entire being to it forever like he unrealistically feared, but just a means to start the rest of my life, without the burden of funding genocide, working for the man, or filling the pockets of those undeserving of my time and energies. By doing something that incorporated all my being into a craft, to allow me to become the artist I know I am, to no longer have a “habit” that costs me hundreds of dollars a week and counting or thousands of hours of my youth I’ll never get back, serving my brethren of the plant to offset my own expenses. Suffice it so say it’s all but a pipedream now, like everything else, the window has closed, and capitalism and greed won, like they always do.

Our time together is growing short and the day we are to throw him in a ditch per his dying wish becomes more of a reality. Whether he in control of his faculties or not at that point is an ever-looming, snowballing question. I quit my dead-end service job and went back to school in earnest. When that wasn’t enough, I got a job in a laboratory, earning my first non-minimum wage rate. Once the War on Hugs broke out, I moved up here to MAGA country to steward the decades neglected land of his retirement, with his blessing to finally begin to provide for myself. I have had my hands tied behind my back at every possible juncture. I’m not sure whether it’s him teetering on the precipice of dementia or a deep-rooted shame that a plant has kept his first-born son alive better than any lies he told him. Make no mistake, without the love and acceptance this plant offered me in my darkest times, I would have taken my own life long ago. This attempt to grow a humble garden to last all year is one of the few remaining ways a father and his son could have anything to do with each other—I’m not bringing any grandchildren home anytime soon.

The man hasn’t lifted a finger, has not educated himself on any laws or scientific findings. He is obstinate in his hatred for my love of this plant. I feel as though in one of the few relationships that truly matters, no progress has been made—no more so when forced to look into the malice in his eyes on his unforgiving face, red with the frustrations of a man who will not accept what he can’t control, brandishing a log that would surely kill me if he struck my head, with a cellphone dialing 911—not one month ago. What a fucking waste. What good is sacrificing everything for one’s family, doing anything and everything under the moon to provide what you think they need if you never do a single thing they ask?

My mother and father have not spoken to each other for most of this year, and that spiteful silence was only broken when my mother started the asylum paperwork for as many of his family members that were able to escape the returning hell on earth of the Taliban. So much capacity for love this woman has within her, it is no surprise to me why I fall in love with larger-than-life women, the kind of character legends are made from. She has been my rock and my tether my whole life, and really stepped out of her comfort zone in attempts to understand and support me. It is only dreading her sorrow and the cries of my four-legged children and less so the fading flame of creating my own that I can’t begin to ideate the irrevocable. He has strung her along for years about buying a home without stairs that they with their destroyed backs, can both die in. Instead opted to buy four dumps in an unlivable area where he can generate income as a landlord so they can in his words, “provide for the family.”

What family? Ours is a farce; he has no sons, no friends, no life, and he will most likely die alone. I am not ignorant of the tremendous sacrifice, the obvious great lengths he went to provide for us, but in most ways, it was time and energy wasted. Neither my brother or I have any desire to become landlords, or owners of properties to have a faceless corporation to manage as we are both fundamentally opposed to the concept of rent. It blows my mind how much of myself I see in him, and it’s even more heartbreaking when he is so insistent on misunderstanding and dismissing two of the only three people who ever loved him. Before we took our own hiatus this year, he bore his soul to me, explaining, now that I was old enough, all the behind the scenes to his marriage and our upbringing. I have never felt so bad for a person; I could barely listen without falling to the floor wailing. In his admissions and unburdening I saw what comes hand in hand with the three men in my family’s extraordinary intelligence, and it almost seems inescapable. I do it enough in my own mind, but it was tragically disheartening to witness a man in his seventies try and retrace his steps, obviously leaving pieces of himself behind in compromise stuck in moments he was doomed to regret forever.

With all his capacity for love, not even being able to witness the slaughter of the animals he foisted under my care—it is inconceivable how cruelly he tramples upon my dreams. Every single argument I’ve ever had, I know will be revisited upon me should I ever meet my son—despite my sincere desire to stop the traumatic and karmic cycles. We’ve both said unforgivable things to each other. Devout and pious though he is, he harbors unacceptable malice towards the blood of my mother—half of me. I do not understand how a person can consider themselves godly all the while placing the sins of the father on their children. Even the Prophet (SWT) forgave the murderer of his uncle who mutilated his body. It breaks my heart that although this man set the bar so high that I can’t even glimpse it anymore, is becoming less and less a role model, a man I should aspire to emulate and surpass, and more and more an example of whom I don’t want to end up like, an example of what not to be. He gave his life for us, but lost his way in the details, and we all know who lives there.

Truth be told, I probably will relent at some point down the line, despite my adamancy that this was the last time, that there was no coming back from this, because I need his approval, and as much as I’ve wanted to be done with it, need him to be proud of me--despite our obviously 99% toxic relationship. I know it would make my mother happy, and the meetings with the other side of my family I never had a little less awkward—or introducing my wife to where I come from…but I can’t be the useless, incompetent, waste of life he makes me feel to be. I have so many mountains to climb before I can find my own soul mate--and be sure to understand, it will never be anything less than seeking out who was meant for me and not some practical weighing of options in a small diaspora—so many leaps and bounds of growth I must struggle and endure before I think to bring a life into this world to subject to all that I am, thorns and blossoms and everything else that comes with a man doing his best.

#the narrative of slouching shytooth #⚰️⚰️⚰️#oddlysweet

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mana-jjk · 5 months

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in the college au who all lives together? maki toge yuuta and panda? how do they (maki esp) feel about gojo paying their rent?

omg, hi !! thank you for taking notice of my college au 🥺

living arrangements:

• yuuta, toge, and maki live together in an apartment they rent near the school. none of them have a particularly good home life, so by the time they met, it was an easy decision.

• they rented a three bedroom before yuuta and toge started dating. once yuuta started studying abroad, toge started sleeping in his room when he got particularly stressed. it wasn’t uncommon for maki to crack the door open and see him huddling on his bed, wearing a stolen hoodie, blankly staring ahead. sometimes she’d sit with him, other times she could only drag him to the living room and put his stupid youtubers on

• once yuuta came back and everything got sorted between them, toge just moved into his room permanently. it was essentially his room anyway, his bed had already turned in a source of comfort for him. yuuta will never gain ownership of his hoodies again, and they have a new plushie corner of pandas.

• they turned the extra room into a guest space for when their friends want to stay over. panda probably uses it the most, but he has a good relationship with his adoptive dad, yaga, so he still lives with him at their home.

• nobara eventually starts staying over eventually too, though she immediately takes over maki’s room and becomes an honorary roommate. it’s not too uncommon for maki and yuuta to come home to toge cooking and nobara pouring over designs on the kitchen table.

• yuuji lives in his grandpa’s house with his brothers: choso, kechizu, eso, and maybe sukuna who is being tortured for atonement lol.

• megumi lives with his sister and gojo who loves making fun of him.

• eventually megumi starts staying over at yuuji’s, and eventually they’ll get their own apartment together.

scholarship kids:

• initially maki was okay with the scholarship she received for her skills in the naginata club she was captain in through high school. she didn’t know gojo at the time as anything but someone who recognized her skills, so a full-ride scholarship was game-changing for her with a middle finger to her family who always looked down on her.

• after getting to know him and finding out he was paying the apartment off, she definitely felt like he was treating them as charity cases. it offended her and she confronted him with no small amount of hostility. his sincerity in helping them was off-putting, his comment about needing a lawyer someday even more so. but eventually they settled on an agreement. maki would be sending gojo, who did not tell her the actual rent cost lol, her share. he also doesn’t tell her that he just uses it to increase her scholarship. sometimes stubborn kids just need a little underhandedness to succeed.

• for toge, the scholarship initially made him uncomfortable. he was good at school because he had to be, the scholarship was almost a binding vow that his family taunted him with. yet, gojo paying his rent made him feel immensely guilty. it was to the point where he was ready to back out, but yuuta unashamedly begged him. a pinch of manipulation was involved because the gojo-okkotsu family does not play fair. but all yuuta had to do was open the empty cabinets, look a little helpless, and say ‘i need you,’ before toge was folding. toge still pays him back in meals, every time gojo visits he makes a feast with way too many sweets. but gojo is the closest thing he’s ever had to a savior, the only way he escaped the abuse. even if he can’t say it, a beautiful cake is always waiting for gojo’s arrival.

• yuuta tried to object at first, since technically he wasn’t a scholarship winner, but gojo is honestly too exhausting for him. not having to worry about rent was also a huge relief to all of them so yuuta was also pretty easy to convince. gojo justifies it by saying it’s too lonely to live by yourself and yuuta just can’t argue.

• i think it’s understating it to say that gojo does love these kids. i know his relationship with megumi is highlighted the most but he’s saved so many of them and likely at such a young age. toge and maki especially have always been rejected, and he was likely the first to accept them. he’s their parental figure, even if he might be childish and annoying, those are his kids !!

• he couldn’t protect them in their past life, but at least here, he can finally give them happiness.

adding this here:

• panda is a human !! i headcanon him having vitiligo and a mild pain insensitivity, which made yaga extremely overprotective, hence not moving in with his friends lol

thank you for the question, feel free to send in any more !! 🥺

#inumaki toge #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #yuuta okkotsu #inuokko #ottoge #jjk panda #maki zenin #megumi fushiguro #itadori yuuji #nobara kugisaki #nobamaki #college au

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rareeducation · 1 year

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MBBS in Philippines: A Comprehensive Guide for Aspiring Doctors

Are you an aspiring medical student looking to pursue MBBS abroad? If so, you may want to consider the Philippines as a destination for your studies. With its high-quality education system, affordable tuition fees, and excellent medical facilities, the Philippines has become a popular choice for international students looking to earn their MBBS degree.

Here's everything you need to know about studying MBBS in the Philippines.

Why Choose the Philippines for MBBS?

There are several reasons why the Philippines is a top destination for medical studies. Firstly, the country has a well-established education system, with many universities recognized by the World Health Organization (WHO) and the Medical Council of India (MCI).

Secondly, the cost of studying MBBS in the Philippines is relatively low compared to other countries like the USA, Canada, or Australia. This makes it an affordable option for students who want to pursue their dreams of becoming doctors without incurring huge student loan debts.

Lastly, the Philippines has a high number of medical facilities, including hospitals and clinics, where students can gain practical experience during their studies. This exposure to real-world medical scenarios is crucial in developing the skills and knowledge required to become a successful doctor.

Admission Requirements

To be eligible for MBBS in the Philippines, international students must fulfill certain admission requirements, which may vary depending on the university they wish to attend. However, some common requirements include:

After class XII:

Student should have passed class 12 with at least

50% in Physics, Chemistry, and Biology in Class 12 and passed English

Should have Physics, Chemistry, and Biology in class 11

Preference will be given to students with better academic credentials

After class bachelor degree: 4-year MD (MBBS) course:

Students should have passed Bachelor with science

Student should have passed class 12 with at least

Minimum 50% in Physics, Chemistry, and Biology in Class 12 and passed English

Should have passed Physics, Chemistry, and Biology in class 11

Preference to students with better academic credentials

Curriculum and Course Duration

Was drawn up by doctors educated in Harvard Medical School, USA, and meets the latest international standards of Medical Education. Students after class XII take 5 years to complete medical education. Students with bachelor’s Degrees take 4 years to complete medical education. Pre-Medical: Students from India after class 12 first enroll in a pre-medical course for 2 years to get equivalency in the Philippines and be eligible for admission to the 4-year medical course. Students with a Bachelor’s Degree can be admitted directly to the MD course.

The curriculum for MBBS in the Philippines covers a wide range of subjects, including anatomy, physiology, pharmacology, pathology, microbiology, and preventive medicine. The course is designed to provide students with a comprehensive understanding of the human body and how it functions, as well as the diagnosis and treatment of various diseases.

Tuition Fees and Scholarships

The cost of MBBS in the Philippines varies depending on the university, with some universities charging higher tuition fees than others. However, on average, international students can expect to pay around $2,000 to $5,000 per year for tuition fees.

Fortunately, many universities in the Philippines offer scholarships and financial aid programs to help international students cover their tuition and living expenses. These scholarships are often based on academic merit, financial need, or other criteria, and can significantly reduce the cost of studying MBBS in the Philippines.

Career Opportunities

After completing their MBBS degree in the Philippines, international students can choose to return to their home country to practice medicine or continue their studies in the Philippines or elsewhere. The MBBS degree from the Philippines is recognized by many countries around the world, including the USA, Canada, Australia, and the UK, among others.

The career opportunities for MBBS graduates are vast and varied, with many choosing to specialize in areas such as surgery, pediatrics, gynecology, oncology, and cardiology, among others. With a high demand for qualified doctors worldwide, MBBS graduates can expect to have a fulfilling and rewarding career in the medical field.

In conclusion, studying MBBS in the Philippines can be a life-changing experience for aspiring doctors. With its high-quality education system, affordable tuition fees, and excellent medical facilities, the Philippines offers a great opportunity for international students to earn their MBBS degree.

If you are interested in pursuing MBBS in the Philippines or any other country, Rare Education can help you with the admission process. As an MBBS abroad consultancy, we offer comprehensive guidance and support to help students fulfill their dreams of becoming doctors. Visit our website to learn more about our services and how we can help you achieve your career goals.

#mbbsabroad #mbbs #mbbs in philippines #mbbsadmission #mbbslife #mbbsstudent #mbbscourse

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benangcerita · 1 year

Text

Aku si Pejuang IELTS (1)

I never expect that I can have this strong will to continue my study. It kinds of finding new version of me, a woman with full of ambition. My strong “why” has led me to this journey path and I am still standing on the start line. I have just jumped to the field for the real battle. “I will never get that scholarship if my English skill doesn’t improve,” this thought appears almost everyday and every time. There is the only way, the first thing that I must have is that skill. Is it easy? Not for sure, I struggle a lot - but I must endure the process.

Sometimes I feel shy when I must admit that I am not good with English. Before this, I worked for multinational company for more than 4 years and got many exposure for English interaction during discussion with non-Indonesian speaker, but my skill is still far behind from the standard. My listening aspect still remains very bad until today, even for the business purposes. It drives me frustration sometimes, since I have learned this since I was junior high school.

It’s kind a contradictory fact which one of my reason to insist continuing my study abroad instead of in Indonesia is to improve my English, however I need to achieve the minimum standard score to have the scholarship granted. Taking class English for scholarship preparation doesn’t work anymore because all that I learned only the theory. Things that I need to cater right now is how to increase the frequency of being exposed by English - this one that I really need right now. Since I do believe that I am a fast adaptive person when it comes to routines, so once I get the opportunity to be exposed by English intensely, then my English skill will follow to improve as well.

#writingexercise1 #ieltsfighter

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magicalara · 1 year

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I've finished ouran and I have 2 questions

1. (unrelated) but have you ever tried Kraft Mac and cheese because I bought some the other day from this random shop, idk it was imported or something and why is it violently orange??

2. The ending to ouran made me cry for some reason, what do you think the club would do once like honey and Mori came out of high school and they slowly all grew out of the club? How close would each of them be to eachother?

I mean obviously life gets busy with all of them. No doubt Haruhi has a flourishing career in something or other and Kyoya is obviously busy. I'd like to see the twins mature a bit and actually gain a bit of independence from eachother and branch out to different things. Maybe they'd meet again after a few years and find out what changed about them.

(Or maybe they didn't know about Haruhi, Kyoya and Tamakis relationship until now)

Also do you think any of them would eat the violently orange Mac and cheese I ate

Anyway Ouran over, Bsd next... I sense a storm coming....

And yea tag me as Briccy if you like! I don't really have a preference.

HI BRICCY

Okay first question:

Yes, I have had kraft mac n cheese lol. To make it short, sweet, and simple: it's violently orange bc ✨chemicals✨ This is America after all and it seems that that is our main ingredient to..well a lot of things. But also I don't like Kraft or even the god forsaken Velveta because honestly I can make better with minimal things I have in my house lol

And yes, Tamaki probably saw the orange cheese noodles online and proceeded to buy like five packs for him, Kyoya, and Haruhi to try and then proceeded to send them to everyone as like a random gift or something idk. Whatever the case may be, Tamaki started the idea and Hikaru always keeps some at home as he liked it the most.

Putting a read more on this bc it got longer than expected 💀

QUESTION TWO:

It made me cry the first time I watched it too lol then again i was also neck deep in crisis and impending debt bc my college didn't process my scholarship right and it was a MESS but that's a story for another day

I think that it isn't until Tamaki and Kyoya graduate that certain things drift off. Tamaki being at the center is, imo, what really holds the group together and him graduating is probably what hurts it the most. Obviously with Haruhi there, at least her and the twins' last year won't be void of Tamaki, but I think it's void of everyone else and that includes Kyoya. I'll explain further:

Honey and Mori as a duo stay close no matter what; they're family and best friends and Mori's loyalty will not have him leaving Honey's side outside of educational obligations. Even the businesses (I say lightly given what it really is) of each of their separate families is close enough to where they can probably work together on a lot of things. But when it comes to the others, sure they keep in touch separately but after Tamaki isn't physically at Ouran to head the club, there aren't a lot of group activities to do anymore. I think Mori and Hikaru keep in touch the most outside of Tamaki's mandatory group bonding and zoom activities and Honey and Haruhi with the same idea.

Kyoya, especially once he's graduated, isn't full into the whole calling and texting thing so if they don't reach out to him, he's not gonna remember to reach out to them lol. He cares, he's just busy with the whole family business thing. I want to think that his father probably sent him abroad too for at least a year during his studies and that caused a bigg rift as time zones really limited communication. Regardless, Tamaki always made sure to text him everyday, even just a simple good morning or good night and a reminder to drink water and sleep. Haruhi would try and message at least once every two or three weeks and they'd have long calls every other month to catch up. He only really speaks to Honey and Hikaru at group events but plays games on his phone like the farming game thing (HayDay?? is that what it's called?? idk but the thing where you can send shit to friends and all that) with Kaoru and Mori. Kaoru also calls every few months and they text like once every other week if they both remember.

I could make a whole post on the KyoTamaHaru relationship starting and honestly I just might bc, like I said before, after graduating, he kinda goes off and so obviously the relationship can't start then. I wanna say it starts at least three years after Haruhi graduates when Kyoya comes back for a longer period of time and Tamaki welcomes him back with such open arms that he both did and didn't expect and it's just a rush of feelings and he gets closer to Haruhi than they ever were now that they can have their deep talks in person and they end up feeling like home and fuck now I have to make an actual post about this.

Anyways, the twins try and text everyone equally but end up talking to Haruhi the most jointly and Mori (Hikaru) and Kyoya (Kaoru) the most separately. When it comes to university, they probably start at the same one to keep the theme of twins going strong but after like a year and a half or so, they find their own wildly different interests and probably split off. It was emotional for them and so hard at first, but they both were able to grow into their own persons as a result of it more than they could've if they just did different majors at the same universities.

As for Haruhi, she does her best to text everyone when she can, but doesn't stress about it. Her and Honey go on little outings to cafes and stuff and Mori will come along when he can every so often, but that's the extent of that. Outside of Tamaki at first and then adding on Kyoya later, though, the twins are who she talks to most. Either it's the three of them in their group chat or them separately, but those three are always. texting. each. other. She was one of the first people to get super close to them, after all. Omg can you imagine their grad photos wait I think they'd be so cute gasp waittt

Last but least there's Tamaki. He's planning all the reunions and has a stockpile of ideas for outings that they have AT LEAST once a month. Not everyone can go each time, obviously, but he still makes the effort to plan them. He has a rotation system for texting the twins and Honey and Mori too: every other day he texts one of them and then he's basically talking to them once a week. The only exceptions are Haruhi and Kyoya but he sees Haruhi nearly everyday so like duh and I already said about him texting Kyoya everyday so yeah.

All in all, Kyoya's the worst at keeping in touch, Tamaki is the one who talks to everyone the most, and Haruhi is the best out of everyone when it comes to giving enough time in between while still definitely caring (though they all care about each other regardless)

BSD hehe 😈 I can't wait to hear about certain reactions from you, and I hope you like it. I diced in head over heels to the point where I bought all the novels like a week after I started watching the anime lol but I've read already 6 of the 8 total and they are so so good.

#em answers #briccy :D #ouran highschool host club #ouran high school host club #kyoya ootori #tamaki suoh #haruhi fujioka #takashi morinozuka #mitsukuni haninozuka #bro i blanked on honey's first name so bad just now holy shit #i was trying to remember with the scene where mori like takes his bag when he has the cavity and i just #could not remember #but i got it in the end so we're good

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