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tarjapearce · 8 months

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Bad Teachings (Pt. 8)

Older!Miguel O'Hara x Reader

WARNINGS: Slow Burn, Relationship Building, Mild squeeze of jealousy, daily snippets of life, strained parental relationship, gossips, awkward truths, friendly bickering, a little instrospection on main characters.

Summary: Rekindling things lead to new and unexpected discoveries.

Absolute thanks to my beta reader <;3 @oharasmommymilkers00

Comments and reblogs are highly appreciated c: Masterlist Pt. 9

"So, how's it going? When did you return?"

Manicured hands clasped together, inviting Simon to keep talking. After your little impromptu reunion, you had texted him the next day, and between little jokes and mild flirting, Simon asked you on a date.

Let's catch up and see where it goes.

He had stayed the same since college. Ever straightforward and head-on with his words.

Even though the small restaurant bustled with people, you could still hear each other.

"Been alright. I was back a couple of weeks ago. I have been wandering the city to see any changes, but nah. The same. Can't say the same about you."

Your eyebrow arched at his words, which he quickly tried to explain.

"Not in a bad way! I swear! It just... took me by surprise seeing you so different. All I can remember is you wearing hoodies, jeans, or sweatpants."

Chuckling, you took a sip of your drink and pursed your lips.

"Had to get my glow up one way or another."

"What I'm trying to say is that you look fantastic."

"Thank you, Si. You look great as well."

And he did. Both of you had changed for the better. He used to be that average exchange student that was more remarkable for people making fun of his accent between lighthearted jokes and a bit of a chubber.

Simon was tall, but if it came to compare heights, he'd reach Miguel by the shoulders. He had to crane his neck up to meet his eyes. And now that he had been gone for nearly three years to pursue his dream of finishing his career abroad, he had changed physically.

Earning looks from the people as he walked by. He was handsome. But the goofiness and soft-spoken person he was remained the same.

Your glasses clinked as both of you enjoyed the talk.

His eyes remained fixed on your face with a guilty smile "I am sorry, though. For leaving so suddenly."

Your eyes widened softly at his words but quickly dismissed them.

"Are you kidding me? I would've done the same if I had a chance to study abroad with a scholarship, too. Don't feel guilty about it."

"I want to make things right and avoid any misunderstanding between us. Or for you to think I escaped from you."

You couldn't help but laugh and cover your mouth to tone it down.

"You say so like it was so bad and toxic!"

It was his turn to giggle.

"It was."

You gasped as he laughed while taking your hand.

"I'm joking, of course. I had fun those four months."

"Even though we barely had time in between classes?"

"Yes. I was so glad when we had to take that class together with... Miss Lyla, I think?"

"Oh! Office Automation. Yeah. Man, she was such a good teacher."

"She was unhinged."

You had to hold back an ugly snort as your cheeks reddened in laughter.

"She was. But I owe my job to her and Mi-... Mr. O'Hara." You swallowed, "That's what I do daily."

"I'm surprised you know Mr. O'Hara after all these years."

You've got no idea.

Your brow quirked nervously, and he leaned in towards you.

"Like, I heard so much about him back then, but I didn't know who he was, and when he introduced himself when I found you, it clicked. Didn't know he was that guy."

"That guy? What do you mean?"

Simon cleared his throat.

"I know this is an old story, but a couple of days before my dropout, I heard Miss Lyla and him were hooking up."

You blinked as little waves of confusion washed over you at this information. Even though Miguel had told you about his little affairs here and there, you didn't expect it to be with one of your favorite teachers.

"The things you learn. Like for real?"

"Yeah. I mean, both hooked a couple of times before he called it off, but don't believe me. The source was a girl that had a massive crush on him."

A little glint in your eyes shone as he mentioned Miguel stopping it.

"It makes so much sense now! She was one of the few teachers, along with Mrs. Drew, that you could see him being comfortable around enough to be more talkative."

You spoke, and he shrugged.

"I wouldn't know for real. I quit before the semester ended, and I never took classes with him remember? But damn, gossip was a thing."

"He was brutal."

"Oh, I bet. Mr. O’Hara looks quite intimidating. You passed?."

You laughed humorlessly

"I nearly fail. But I pushed through. He was demanding, but yeah."

"Right. College aside, are you still... y'know, living with your parents?"

"Oh no, no. I moved out. Mostly to be near my job."

"Great. I just moved in with my roommate as well. Nice guy, gives me his leftover pizza."

Both giggled and mocked at the silliness of the situation. It brought you back to times when you'd be holed up in the library, either talking or sharing quick kisses between studying sessions when you had the time to do so.

But right now, catching up with him felt good. Your social circle expanded in baby steps, which made you feel like a blooming social butterfly.

Simon's hand took yours to squeeze it softly with a charming smile.

"Wanna go for a walk?"

"Sure."

---

As days went by, your work grew more interesting. The new Bossman, Julius, was strict enough to make most of your coworkers work for real.

You had a couple of photoshoots redone since his eyes were as critical as his mouth. But you had not only learned. But apply those tricks to your arts and hobbies.

The knitting had improved despite the need to buy more supplies soon, but finally, you got the garter stitch right. And as predictable as it was, you'd get started with a scarf. So far, it looked decent, and the wools Hobie sold you seemed perfect for the task.

As you created a mental note to tell Hobie to save you some colors in your next paycheck your phone buzzed. Miguel's name on your screen gave your chest a little irregular thump upon remembering the conversation with Simon. It seemed like the perfect timing.

"Huh-lo?"

You could hear him laughing on the other line

"It's Aló, not huh-lo."

"I'm trying!"

He chuckled "Try harder 'cause that was awful."

"Teach me then." You rolled your eyes, and there was a silence as he gulped involuntarily.

"Are you sure?"

"You were already a teacher, so yeah. You want me to understand it, right? Then teach me."

His grip on his phone tightened as he sighed, asking for strength from the heavens.

"I will. Promise."

"Good. Anyways, is everything ok?"

There was a slight shuffling on his side of the call before the sound of a dragged chair made you scrunch your nose at the sudden noise.

"Yeah. Sorry for that, deep cleaning day."

"Oh? Cool. Want me to make you a Playlist for your cleaning days?"

His rich, deep laugh sent you chuckling, and your skin crawled.

"No, thanks. Though, music is a good way to start learning a language."

"Aye, sir. Any artist you recommend?"

He chuckled

"Might do get you a playlist for simple things. It's a good start."

"Why, thank you. Mr. O'Hara."

He groaned in annoyance, and you giggled. If you’d had any idea of how much he hated when you called him like that, he was sure you’d stop. Even if it was just to annoy him. It made him feel old.

"I appreciate it though. I always wanted to learn another language."

"How's the French going?"

It was your turn to groan. A 'How's Simon doing' would be the most accurate translation of it.

"Not so good. My tongue gets twisted. Might do ask Simon directly as well."

There was more shuffling on your line as you got the Bluetooth earbuds and linked them to continue your closet and makeup cleaning as you were on the call.

The silence stretched for a solid minute until you spoke again.

"Hello? Are you still there?

"Yeah, I was getting some coffee."

His tone was soft.

"Jesus, stop drinking that much coffee." You shook your head with a disapproving look you were sure he’d just laugh off. "Anyways, I wanna ask you something. And I need you to be honest."

"Why do I feel you're about to ask something ridiculous or unhinged?"

You laughed

"Up to you to decide if it is. Did you hook up with Miss Lyla?"

He burned his tongue at your sudden question with the coffee, truly surprised you’d ask such things.

"Oh... That." He cleared his throat, "I did. Just twice, though. Why?"

Your eyes widened as your mouth clammed up for a moment. As uncomfortable as it was, Miguel didn’t lie. After all, he had told you about these things in your first outing together.

"Was it before... or after me?"

Clearly. you remembered the conversation like a lucid dream.

Desperate times.

"Before. Why are we discussing this? More importantly, who told you this?"

You swallowed and sighed. His voice was a bit on the edge.

"Old stories I recently heard. And Simon did. Our date was full of old stories. I'm so glad he didn't take classes with you."

His eyes drooped in boredom upon you saying the word date. Of course, you’d have a date with him. It was natural to return to what one knew. He thought you were less naive than that but would watch it unfold from afar. He’d never miss a chance to say “I told you so”.

The satisfaction of being right about his intuition was a pleasure he enjoyed terribly.

"Bien pinche chismoso" (Such a freaking tattletale)

He grumbled after taking a sip of his bitter coffee

"Uh, what?"

"Nothing. I assume you dated him?"

You threw a couple of old eyeshadow palettes in the trash.

"Yeah, just for four months before he went back to France to finish his career there."

"How cute.”

“You’re just being mean. Don’t you trust my judgment?”

“ I don't trust Simon."

You laughed again, but his face remained serious

"Ah, C'mon. Why?"

"I was young too, guapa. Guys his age are up to no good."

You folded a couple of skirts as your lips pouted.

"I appreciate your concern regarding this. But seriously, Simon hasn't changed that much. He's the same goofy ass from college days."

He scoffed nonchalantly "Are you sure of it? People change. And sometimes is not precisely for the good."

You smiled at his words.

"Well, thanks for the support. Means alot. But I'll be fine."

You heard him sigh

"Right."

"And you're not that old."

He snorted as he put the half cup of coffee on the table

"I'm forty-two, guapa. I say I'm old enough to have my fair share of life wisdom. And that guy is certainly hiding something."

"I'm not arguing against that. You look like you have gone through a bit more stuff."

"Are you calling me a mess?"

Again, you laughed. The sound made him smile.

"My my, so sensitive!. I say you look mature enough. Even though I know maturity isn't linked directly with age, your way of carrying yourself about things makes you a reliable and trustworthy friend. I like that."

His eyes widened a bit at your words

"Didn't know you were into older guys."

"Yup. I mean, you guys know what you want. Or at least most of you do. And that's good cause I don't like teaching younger people what they want. I'm not a rehab center." Your lips pursed, "I like learning."

He gulped and wet his lips with his tongue.

"But yeah, anyways, thanks for calling. Always good to hear you."

"Likewise, guapa. Take care.""Bye, Miguel."

The call ended, and you smiled. Miguel on the other hand, rubbed his face as he pondered at your words.

You liked learning. That was certain. Either academically or in life. But you did. And he liked that too.

-----

— Hello Sweetheart

Dad's number had popped out on your screen, but Hobie's rambling snapped his attention back to you.

You returned home from work a couple of hours early and Mrs. Brown invited you over for a cup of tea.

The apartment smelled like a mix of spices and herbs, along with a touch of vanilla cigarettes. The apartment had two bedrooms, the kitchen was bigger than yours just like the living room area.

Your apartment was the smallest on the floor. Everyone had a two or three-bedroom lease, but for you, a one-bedroom accommodated just fine.

Mrs. Brown was gentle but didn't doubt voicing her concerns and opinions with such delicacy and refinement one would think she'd be complimenting you. No wonder Hobie or Hobart, a little giggle from you when she called him that when he arrived from work carried himself the way he did.

She was supportive and loving. The only authority I wouldn't rebel against said the tattoo artist as you accompanied him into getting his weekly grocery shopping.

His van had been in repair, and now he wasn't sure if he’d get any news anytime soon.

Hey, Dad. How are you? —

Hobie took a look at your piercings and approved your current care. You had also told him about the wools, even paid him ahead, which he used to pay for the groceries.

—Missing you, darling. Are you alright?

The question had you smiling softly. He was always so caring and worried about you. When you first told him you'd move out, he was glad. Congratulated you even, au contraire of your mom who started complaining almost immediately.

"Birdie?"

"Hm?

Your eyes left your phone screen to look at him.

"You good? Kinda spaced out there."

You nodded.

"Yeah, just talking with my dad."

"They want you to visit?"

You nodded with an annoyed groan.

Not that you disliked your parents. Their relationship with you was strained as it was.

"Hard upbringing?"

"More like... Not really there- sort of upbringing."

Hobie put the groceries in the back seat of your Cooper and sat on the passenger seat.

"Yikes."

You shrugged. Not dwelling on the past trauma wound that remained ever fresh. You drove back to the apartment building.

"Sorry to hear that. Seems like people have kids to fill their inner voids."

"Right?! But man, saying that out loud is sure a social death sentence."

"Hypocrisy at its finest. Society is always changing, most of the time is never for good reasons."

You nodded but snorted softly.

"Whut?"

"Nothing, It's funny when we talk like phylosophers on weed."

Hobie chuckled and relaxed into his seat.

"You know? I owe you an apology."

"Whatever for?"

You stopped at a red light and looked at him.

"My mother... she said some comments I didn't like when she came up for a visit a couple of days ago."

"And why do you apologize on her behalf?"

I'm good. A bit busy with work as usual, but I was planning on calling you—

"No, I apologize 'cause it wasn't nice."

You mumbled as you typed in your screen.

"Why are you assuming other's wrongdoings as yours? And in all honesty, I couldn't care less what people think of me. Specially corporate slaves."

The light turned green and you drove again.

"I don't know. Just..."

"Apologize when you are the one at fault, birdie. The rest is irrelevant. Thanks for the warning tho’."

—Yeah, your mom told me that you still have things packed up and that you're not ready yet to live alone.

—Wanna talk about it?

If only his passiveness wouldn't be so dragging to the point of always ending up siding with your mother in little matters that only added more weight to the already full bag of terribly handled emotions. He'd be your favorite.

You parked in the building and helped Hobie to carry the shops. Mrs. Brown made you both a delicious English breakfast for dinner. They didn't believe in consistency, if Mrs. Brown wanted something, she made it. And her cooking was good, especially in the pudding making.

You hadn't looked at the screen yet, so blissfully ignorant to not care for a bit.

Hobie then kept boasting about how it was bad for people to keep assuming other's fault. He told his mom about it, and she just agreed. They had this strong bond you had stopped longing for a long time ago. It was easier for you to see smells and taste colors than to keep a healthy relationship with your parents.

—Honey?

But of course, you dreaded so many things. Even though the upbringing seemed the perfect chance to toughen your mind, angry confrontations weren't your thing. Cause in a hypothetical perfect world, everyone is emotionally intelligent enough to know how to express and regulate their feelings.

But neither the world nor your life were perfect.

You went to your apartment and finally took a look at the messages. Anger boiled in your head, and as usual, you'd have to explain yourself.

You were tired of it.

I would appreciate it if you'd stop believing everything Mom says.

The message was clear, but you deleted it last second as you snapped a quick video and sent it to him instead.

Do you see any boxes on the floor? —

It sounded way too curt and petty than you intended to, but maybe that way he'd start getting his criterion in check.

—No, I'm sorry. When are you coming for a visit?

When you stop taking sides

Again, the message was deleted. Being passive-aggressive with them wouldn't help either. Sighing, you typed once more.

Next weekend, but I will stay Saturday night only. I use Sundays for prepping for the week :) —

Not even Judas was so disingenuous as that emoji at the end.

—Oh gotcha, gotcha. Still, would be wonderful to have you over.

Please don't tell Mom. I want it to be a surprise. —

More like, I don't want her to be all nagging and harassing my inbox with her pretentious texts.

Your mind chanted

—Of course. Love you

Hopefully, she will be out on a business trip and you'll be enjoying with your dad.

Love you too, dad —

It was going to be draining and difficult. But you’d push through. You always did.

You had to.

-----

Taglist:

@jkthinkstoomuch @queenofroses22 @katitakenway @amylasagna @rositabluemoon @lyrasdrawer @plumplumpurin @damhanallagorm @chibiiichann @incustellar @taeecups @vonev @kinkybandages @ittybxttykxttytxtty @del-ightfulling @tatatida

#miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x you #atsv miguel #miguel o'hara fanfiction #miguel o'hara fluff #spiderman 2099 #miguel spiderverse #t writes✨#bad teachings

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sharksupermacy · 9 months

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backstage

backstage - sana x yoo! reader

synopsis: apparently your sister didn't tell everybody about you

genre: fluff, reader being terrible at directions, confusion, reader is a 98' liner, not nayeon being a little bit delusional

it was nice attending an american university. new friends, different culture, even a fun new language to learn. you were attending harvard for your doctorate in archaeology. you had always loved the discovery of things even when you were very young having those little dig kits when you were a kid.

remembering how after a successful "dig" your mom would always yelling at you when you had end up making a mess in the living room. even when one of your sisters had time they would take you to the local park with you having a shovel and bucket in hand trying to find the buried treasure in the sand pits.

you had formed a bond between all four of you were all tight knit, cheering each other and beaming when seeing their dream being achieved. when your eldest sister had made her actress debut in i love lee tae-ri all of your family gathered in the living room watching the episode debut. or when your entire family showing up when jeongyeon had been announced to make her debut in twice, your elder sisters faces all covered in tears when holding up the banners you had all made. you just smiling at your confident older waiting for the other announcements of other members. even your second eldest sister when she had graduated all your sibling had attend even you who had school during that time but nonetheless you were all there supporting one another.

it was the same when you had told your sister you were going abroad to america to go to havard on a partial-scholarship. facetiming your eldest sister and nayeon who was with jeongyeon when you broke the news to both of them. all of them supporting your decision to go abroad to study archaeology making you promise to them that you would return every summer to visit them.

you would always your honour your promise with your family always returning every summer for two months. you had even gotten your work visa in the us, allowing you to get a job at a local skate shop wanting to not just rely on your family money in the us.

so when your sister had annouced that she was going on tour in the usa you knew that you just had to go. so when the concert dates and locations dropped you found out the nearest one which was the just 3 hours away. so like any reasonable person you decided to use some of the money you had earned the year prior before to buy VIP tickets to your sister concert and then tell her you couldn't go.

suprise, suprise, your sister was dissapointed to say the least but she had understood. however the shock on her face after realizing that you were standing in the front row and had tricked her into believing that you were not going was worth it. you weren't really revealed to the public, so it wasn't really a shock that barely any of the twice member knew you as you were never presented the option to meet them that much. but the other member you enjoyed going into shock was nayeon as you and her were close to her often meeting with her and jeongyeon to go shopping when you were in korea.

as the concert was drawing to the close each member had a speech dedicated at the end the ones that had resonated with you the most was sana saying how hard it was being away from home and grateful she was surrounded by people who helped her. then of course, your sister speech about how grateful about how onces and even one of her siblings could join her today as she had face of gratefulness looking out to the audience in your direction. the onces around you had started looking around as you pulled out your camera to take a picture of your sister crying for blackmail later.

soon the concert had ended and the audience slowly filed out you sat there because you had received a text from your sister telling you to wait at your seat so that a manager could get you. you talk and chatted with the security guard when there was very few people left just mainly clean up crew, and 2 or 3 people still waiting to get into a line. you see manager-unnie approaching you telling the security guard you had go and thanked him for being so chill to let you stick around for a bit longer.

manager unnie was another person who knew you as she had seen you multiple times while dropping jeongyeon and nayeon off at cafe to meet you. she told you to take off your pass and handed you a new staff one as you both chatted about random things while heading down to the change room. waiting outside the room for a bit while the manager-unnie went in to check if it was good to come in. coming back out to invite you in, the person you see is jeongyeon with her arms wide open as you hugged her with nayeon seeing the both of you and hugging you.

"uh... mind to explain what is going on here manager unnie," sana whispered wondering why two of her member was hugging and crying into a random staff.

"oh! did jeongyeon never told you? thats y/n her sibling." manager unnie said a bit confused as she had thought jeongyeon had told the entire group about you.

"wait the abroad one?" jihyo stated a bit louder than she intended getting the other member attention who were on their phone only realizing that there was a stranger hugging thier member.

"yep. have you guys never met her before?" manager unnie turned around at the other twice members who she knew was listening. half of them turn away from sheer embarrassment of being caught but still shook her head to respond no. but sana no she looked back at the two oldest seeing jeongyeon crying into something she hadn't seen very often. huh. she's pretty. was the observation sana had made seeing two of her members crying into the taller frame.

the two removed themselves from y/n finally deciding they had enough of hugging the younger. "guys, this is my sibling who studies abroad y/n," she said as she pointed in your direction, making you wave towards the 7 pairs of watching eyes.

"she's my sibling too," nayeon started trying to start a fake argument with jeongyeon as both yoos laughed at the statement as nayeon pouted.

the older members dragged y/n towards their members, both knowing that if they wouldn't do it, their sibling never would.

you were pulled toward the person who drew you in the most.

"hey, i'm sana," were the words she had said.

"i'm y/n," you smiled back towards her. then there you found the missing treasure: who knew your sister was hiding you from her and vice versa.

a/n: just a short one this time. THE WAY THAT FUNNY VALENTINE ACTUALLY HAS A GRIP ON ME. anyways, i might post some angst soon...

#twice x reader #sana x reader #twice imagines #sana minatozaki x reader #sana imagines

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elaneducationloans · 4 months

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Unlock the pathway to international education with the National Overseas Scholarship Scheme by the Indian Government. Learn how Indian students can secure scholarships to study abroad and explore additional financial assistance options such as education loans for pursuing overseas education. Navigate the National Overseas Scholarship program for a seamless journey towards your academic aspirations.

#how to get a scholarship to study abroad for Indian students #education loan for students to study abroad #National Overseas Scholarship

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mana-jjk · 4 months

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thinking really hard about a college au because i enjoy them a lot more than high school aus.

yuuta - pre-med, in school to become a doctor

toge - divided between computer science and dropping out of college to pursue opening his own café with a garden.

maki - pre-law, in school to become a lawyer

panda - zoology

yuuji - business degree that he’s just doing for his grandfather, will graduate but goes on to be a firefighter.

megumi - animal sciences, going on to enter veterinarian school to become a vet.

nobara - fashion design/marketing degree

gojo - a sadistic physics professor with multiple degrees, both through education and honorary, because he got bored. sometimes he picks students out to give full-ride scholarships, because he self-proclaims having too much money.

getou - philosophy professor that enjoys playing the devils advocate and watching his students squirm.

shoko - oversees the university hospital and occasionally recruits for the pre-med program

nanami - graduated with a business degree, agreed to give yuuji an internship

ijichi - gojo’s overworked TA

i just think maki and yuuta would struggle through graduate school together. their cabinets would be full of instant ramen, cabbage, junk food, and ungodly amounts of coffee. the only real food they get is because toge cooks for them and gives them the stink eye every time he opens their cabinet.

toge doesn’t really have room to talk though, he overworks himself and ends up going far too long without sleep. hours on assignments that make him miserable, burned out from the moment every semester starts. too often does yuuta find him dissociating, something he’s all too familiar with. yuuta himself suffers from insomnia, so it’s not uncommon for him to settle on the couch and run his fingers through toge’s hair until his eyes close.

toge probably had a really difficult time getting the courage to either drop out or just really not use his degree as intended. i can’t picture him genuinely enjoying higher education. even in this happy, no one dies world, his family is with the second years for a reason. computer science was appeasing enough, but the unhappiness is so draining that everyday getting up and going to class feels so impossible. he feels his happiest at the gardening club, cooking for his friends, not sitting in a lecture hall with a preview to what awaits him. but ultimately, i think the independence and knowledge that he wasn’t alone or abandoned was enough to push him into the decision. luckily enough he was a scholarship winner (gojo lol) so he wasn’t in debt, and gojo even offered to fund him through culinary school with the promise of free sweets forever.

with yuuta, i think his history of being hospitalized and the accident with rika (who is not dead here !! but she was paralyzed and had to move with a different family member who was able to support her) definitely pushed him to medical degrees. he was probably stuck between being a physical therapist, nurse, and full-fledged doctor. he still keeps in contact with rika, who is one of his biggest supporters when it comes to his goal, but he has a mental breakdown every week thinking about getting a medical degree. shoko definitely takes notice of his talent, and has extended opportunities to intern with her. gojo also found that they were distantly related, and not only paid for his entire education, but also the apartment he rents with maki and toge. he tried refuting, but gojo kept insisting that he was tapping into the family inheritance that technically belonged to both of them.

toge is more than a little devastated when yuuta decides to study abroad in their undergraduate, i actually think that’s when the fully misery of college hits him. not having an unhealthy classmate and friend to look after forced him to focus on himself, his least favorite pastime. having the first years helped, but it also forces him to reflect how much he cared about yuuta past being a friend too.

anyway, i have so many ideas for this au so um please ask me so i can word vomit everywhere. also normalize more college aus so people like me can still relate lol <3

#inumaki toge #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #yuuta okkotsu #inuokko #ottoge #jjk panda #maki zenin #megumi fushiguro #itadori yuuji #nobara kugisaki #gojo satoru #getou suguru #shoko ieiri #nanami kento #college au

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littlesniggy · 1 year

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Tying a knot

Soooooo....I'm not back but I really wanted to write this so yeah....hope you like it. Reader is a new recruit in the marines and is actually doing pretty well....if it wasn't for those stupid knots.

Warnings: modern day AU, military AU, dub-c, power dynamics, older man x younger woman, reader is fresh out of high school but over 18, swearing, slightly ns.fw

Pairing: Admiral Sakazuki x female recruit reader

Word count: 4.4k

When you pictured yourself in the future you always thought you’d go to college, get a job, settle down, have some kids, and live the rest of your life together with your husband on some lone range in the middle of nowhere, your grandkids running around while your kids prepare the Sunday dinner in your kitchen while you hold hands with your husband and reflect on what a blessed life you’ve had.

Or maybe you would’ve pursued your carrier, made a fortune by inventing something crazy useful or made the right investment at the right time and by the age of 35 you would’ve been so rich that you never had to lift a finger for the rest of your life. You could’ve traveled abroad, see the world and see where the wind carries you.

The harsh reality hits you when your commanding officer screams into your face, his spit landing in your open mouth by default since you are breathing heavily. Your muscles are burning and you’re not sure anymore if it’s because of the thousands of sit ups you’ve been forced to do or because you ate something funny (the food is really not the best and you’re not sure how long some of the cans have been hidden in the cabinets, forgotten until the canteen lady unsuspectingly found it and decided it was still edible).

“MOVE. YOUR. ASS! We’re not in sissy camp, recruit!” he yells, more spit landing on your face. Sweat is covering your entire body, your brown shirt and pants soaking wet, coloring it a shade darker than it actually is. You grunt and follow is order, trying to move faster but everything is simply burning. Your officer luckily moves on to the person next to you to scream at him as well.

If you remember correctly his name is Cody. You saw him briefly at the briefing in week one but haven’t really noticed him ever since. Apparently, he is also still trying to become a marine, taking the 8 week training camp as seriously as you are.

The whistle blows and everyone is collapsing on the hard ground, loud panting and groaning can be heard over the entire training ground. “Two-minute break! Then we’ll go over to push-ups!” your commanding officer yelled. Internally your groan in frustration but instead shield your eyes from the burning sun above you to get some shade. Once again, you’re contemplating why you chose this path in life and not the ones you’ve dreamt of when you were younger.

It's not that you are stupid. Rather the opposite. You studied hard to get into university after high school, had a high GPA and all the ambitions to succeed. The only thing you didn’t have was money or a scholarship. Your parents couldn’t afford to send you to college and for some reason you also couldn’t land any scholarships. Contemplating if you should apply to universities anyways or not your uncle mentioned that you could join the military for a couple of years and they would then pay for your studies. So, that’s what you decided to do. Taking online classes is the best possible option but they won’t start before September and you had to survive the first 8 weeks of this hell hole first.

You roll over onto your stomach and reach for the bottle of water to take a big sip before you have to do a shit ton of sit-ups.

“Listen up! Tomorrow we will have a high-ranking visitor at our compound. Your orders are to behave at your best, to not complain and to fulfill every task given to you! Not that it’s any different from any other day but I won’t have you lot embarrass us in front of admiral Sakazuki!” a nervous murmur can be heard amongst the recruits, earning everyone a “Shut the fuck up!”.

“He and vice admiral Garp will stay until the end of week 4 when you will take your second academic test. I don’t need to remind you to study for this test since you will not be able to continue your carrier in the navy unless you pass all tests!” he reminds you all.

Thinking back you noticed some faces didn’t return after the first test but you didn’t really pay it any mind. You scored in the top 10% and are more than content with it. You are also not too concerned about the second test since the questions asked are not too hard anyways.

“That is all. Dismissed!” the officer yells and immediately stalks off. You and the rest of the new recruits slowly make your way over to the shacks where you share everything with one another. No privacy, only the bathrooms and showers are separated by sex which you are very grateful for.

After taking a shower you feel much better; still sore but much better. “Dinner” is served exactly at 1830 (630 pm) and if you’re later you won’t get anything to eat and have to wait until the next morning. One of your new friends here made this experience the very first day because he was late. You didn’t really feel bad for him since they said not even 6 hours prior when breakfast, lunch and dinner will be served so it was really only his fault. You have no idea why you engaged in conversation with him since he did nothing but complain that night but you somehow became friends and have sticked together since then.

“What do you think about admiral Sakazuki coming tomorrow, Y/n?” you look up from your food at Rosinante and shrug. “It’s kinda surprising for him to come here. Maybe he has some business to attend to near the base or even on here….” You muse and take a bite of your meat (?) which tastes just like a show. Rosinante hums and watches your face contort in slight disgust at the taste and texture of the food. “You might be right. Still, I haven’t heard anything good from him.” His voice is hushed as to not attract too much attention.

“Ever since he’s become an admiral some missions abroad have been somewhat….” He pauses, trying to think of the appropriate word.

“Questionable?” you finish and he nods in agreement. “Yes, questionable.” He agrees and also takes a bite before spitting it back out. “Disgusting.” He huffs and you smile at him.

“I heard he’s planned some reform for the marines.” Surprised, you turn around to look at none other than Koby who is sitting right behind you. “I’m sorry for eavesdropping.” He apologizes with a small smile but you wave it off. “No worries.” You assure him, also inviting him to continue.

“I’ve heard some of the officers talk about him visiting another training ground and he personally threw out some of the new recruits even though they passed the tests. They don’t know why but ever since he’s been promoted the atmosphere within the navy has changed.” He informs you. Both you and Rosinante gulp at the story. Sure, there is always the possibility that you might fail a test but being thrown out even after you passed?

“This almost seems personal…” you murmur and the others nod in agreement.

“Guess that’s why commander prick seemed a little nervous earlier today.” Rosinante muses. You stay silent, following your own train of thought regarding this revelation.

You need to pass all the tests and become a marine. This is one of the only ways to pursue your academic carrier without falling into a crushing amount of debt. This visit might be a bigger problem than initially expected.

You are used being yelled at. You are used being spit at. You are also (unfortunately) being used to indecent touches by some of your male comrades. All of this you can look past; you know how to deal with it, are not getting intimidated or flustered by any of it. But this is different.

You have met a lot of different people in your life; some demand more, some demand less authority when entering a room but you have never, ever in your life met anyone who had such a dangerous and commanding aura like the admiral. The moment he stepped onto the training compound your blood ran cold. Chills covered your skin and your stomach dropped. Since now you have never seen anyone as dangerous or a threat. Call it privileged but despite your poor family you were raised pretty well in a surprisingly good neighborhood and there were not a lot of potentially dangerous people in your area.

You want to look down when his eyes muster the recruits but you know you are not allowed to. This is an entirely new situation and, quite frankly, you have no idea how to behave. And you don’t like it.

Out of the corners of your eyes you can see that your fellow recruits are feeling the same and you feel some kind of relief. At least you’re not the only one.

“When I look at you, I feel disappointed.” His voice is gravely and sends another shiver down your spine. It also makes you listen up even more. This is not a good start for a speech.

“I visited other bases before and I came to the conclusion that the navy will have to be more selective with new recruits. It should be a privilege to serve in the navy and people should act accordingly. That is why I will personally conduct interviews tomorrow with each and every one of you. If you’re not convincing, you can go back home. That’s all. Dismissed!”

There is a long stretch of silence where nobody dares to move, even long after he is out of view. Even the officers are speechless, but not for too long.

“You heard him! So, you better prepare tonight! We will also be judging you on your progress today so you better get your act together!”

You don’t have problems with neither the physical training nor with the academic part but something you certainly are not skilled at is knot-tying. It seems so easy – everybody else can do it – but you can’t to get your head around the right way to tie this stupid knot. You’re constantly yelled by your officers and it also doesn’t help that the admiral and the vice admiral (who you’ve seen for the first time today at knot-tying practice) are watching you with sharp eyes. Or at least the admiral is, vice-admiral Garp is idly chatting with some of the lower ranking marines.

A frustrated groan leaves your mouth when this stupid rope keeps loosening up every time you’re about to tighten it. “Fucking stupid shitty rope….!” You mumble under your breath and are about to start over again when a large shadow is covering the light coming from the lamp above. You look up, ready to be yelled at again when your body turns to stone.

You’re looking at the admiral himself, his arms crossed in front of his chest and a displeased look on his face. Everyone around you is silent, shooting stealthy looks in your direction. “I suggest looking for a different carrier when you’re not even capable of tying a simple knot, recruit.” He says and stretches out one hand expectantly. You have to forces your body to move and to give him the rope, your hand briefly brushing against his bigger one.

You can only watch his massive hands deftly tie the knot you’ve been struggling with, somewhat amazed at how easy it is. With a loud thud he puts the knot down in front of you on the table, an arrogant look in his eyes. “I’ll keep this in mind for the interview tomorrow, recruit.” His words are nothing short of a threat and you feel dizzy. That you’re entire future depends on this asshole and a fucking knot is ridiculous! You look down at the perfectly tied knot and ignore the admiral disappearing.

You are usually not nervous before interviews but today is different. You feel like throwing up and your hands are shaking. Not only will you be stepping in front of Sakazuki very soon but he will also decide on your future. Some of your comrades have already come back but so far none of them seems to have been kicked out. Nevertheless, they looked terrified.

Another thing that bothers you is that you can’t anticipate how long the interview will be. Some of the others came out after 10 minutes, others stayed inside for 20-30 minutes. No way the admiral will be able to interview each and every one of you in a single day.

The door opens and Koby comes out, his face pale as a ghost. You look at him concerned but he simply sighs in slight relief. “Good luck”, he whispers as he slowly walks away.

“Y/n!” you’re being called into the room. As soon as you enter, the door is being shut behind you and you’re alone with admiral Sakazuki sitting on the opposite side of the room at a big desk.

He is wearing the standard dark blue admiral uniform but no tie. All his medals are decorating the left side of his chest and you wonder what one needs to do to earn so many awards within the navy.

You stand in front of the door, whole body straight and a (hopefully) stern look on your face. Sakazuki looks up at you after opening a file – your file, supposedly.

“Sit.” He orders you and without hesitation you follow his command and sit down on the opposite side of the table, taking your hat off.

Sakazuki looks at you for a moment before looking down at your file.

“So, recruit.” He begins, not even bothering to read your name even though your file is right in front of him. “I’ve read your file. Good academic carrier so far.” He remarks but you don’t feel complimented. You know there is coming more.

“Thank you, sir.” You reply regardless.

“What made you join the marines and not go to university?” you knew this questions would come and you have thought about the right answer all night. You wanted to tell the truth but you decided against it last minute.

“I want to serve our country and give back to this great nation.” You reply instead, swallowing the lump in your throat. There is a short silence in the room before the admiral huffs.

“Serve our country….give back to the nation….stop bullshitting me.” You freeze at his words and his harsh eyes bore right into you.

“S-sir?” you dare to ask.

“I asked you why you wanted to join the navy after school and I expect an honest answer. You’re already on thin ice. One wrong step and you’re gone….” He mused, his eyes never leaving yours. The fight or flight instinct wanted to kick in but you desperately tried to suppress it. Neither would serve you good in this situation unless you wanted to lose face completely.

“I-“ you cleared your throat before starting over again. “I wanted to go to university. But it wasn’t meant to be. So I decided to join the navy. I plan on taking online classes later in my carrier but right now I am entirely focused on my training and becoming a good marine.

“A good marine should be able to tie a simple knot.” You couldn’t help but look away as your face heats up in embarrassment. You hear him move and pull something out of a drawer. When you look up you see a long rope in front of you on the table.

“How would you tie an enemy’s hands when you’ve captured them and have only this rope?” you know you learnt this the other day but by God you can’t remember!

You take the rope in your hands, looking lost but you decide to improvise. Maybe you’d be lucky…

You start to cross both ends to start tying the rope but Sakazuki interrupts you. “Try it on me.” His suggestion is much more an order than anything else. You want to protest but he has already placed both hands on top of the table in front of you.

You don’t want to tie his hands together; mostly because you are scared to touch the man in front of you. But you have no other choice. You reach out and take both his hands into yours; his palms are warm and calloused, the rough patches brushing against your own hands. You slide the rope underneath his hands and start winding the rope around them. You know this is wrong, you know there is a right way but you simply can’t remember.

The admiral watches you and lets you finish, his expression unreadable but you know you messed up once again. When you tighten the tow ends and look up at him you are met with a disappointed and annoyed look. You press your lips together and wait for his judgement. He lifts up his hands so both of you can take a good look.

“Tell me what you did wrong, recruit.” He demands. You look at your work but remain silent. Frustrated with you lack of answer Sakazuki simply flexes his arms and hands and rips the rope apart, freeing his hands in the process.

“This was a sad excuse of a knot but an even sadder excuse of an aspiring marine. You want to defend this country?” he huffs derogatorily and you shrink into yourself.

“First of all, you never tie an enemy’s hands in front of them. Always on the back.” He gets up, grabbing a second rope from the drawer and rounds the table. You slightly glare up at him. Of course, this was a set-up. He deliberately placed his hands in front of him on the table and not behind his back.

“I must’ve misunderstood the assignment, sir. I thought you simply wanted me to tie your hands.” You admit but this answer is no good.

“The order was clear, recruit. Tie my hands like I was an enemy. Would you tie an enemy’s hands like this?” you shake your head.

“This is pathetic.” He mumbles. Suddenly, his hand grabs your hair, pulls you from the chair and presses your flat on the table. You gasp surprised and instinctively try to push yourself back up but the admiral has both your hands already grabbed behind your back, holding them in an iron grip as his free hand slides around your wrists.

It doesn’t even take 10 seconds and your hands are tightly tied. You squirm underneath him, trying to get up but your tied hands combined with a single hand that is lightly pressing down between your shoulder blades is preventing you from getting away.

“This is how you subdue an enemy.” You try to look at him over your shoulder but his hand moves to your head back again and presses your face onto the surface. You gasp, your legs kicking backwards to hit him but he steps closer and presses his body against yours. To be precise, he presses his legs against the back of your thighs, preventing you from moving at all.

You struggle against your restrains but his grip only becomes harder. “Fuck!” You breathe out frustrated and give up, accepting your defeat and the likely end of your military carrier.

“Pathetic.” He comments but lets go of you, pulling you from the table and onto your feet. You feel humiliated but suppress the tears that threaten to form in your eyes. You will not let him see your defeat, not Sakazuki.

“You should just quit and save yourself from further humiliation which will come.” He says demeaning but you shake your head, “All due respect, sir, but I will not quit.” To underline your point you turn around to face him, the slight glistering of tears could vaguely be made out but either Sakazuki doesn’t see it or he ignores it.

“I can be useful and I know I will be of value. I will not quit.” You look right into his cold eyes. Sakazuki remains silent for a moment before he steps forwarder, forcing you back and to bump against the table with the back of your thigh.

“What will happen if you get captured?” he asks you, stepping another step forward and leaning forward deliberately slowly. You lean back instinctively, swallowing hard. You are not comfortable with this close proximity.

“Will you be able to keep your mouth shut and not rat out your comrades?” he leans down further, forcing you to back up even more until your back is lying on the table again.

Sakazuki places both hands next to your head, trapping you between his body and the table.

“Y-yes, sir.” You affirm his question, forcing yourself to keep the eye contact.

“Is that so? Even if they torture you?” his right hand traces down your arm until he reaches your hip. The warmth of his hand radiates through the fabric. It’s almost burning hot and makes you squirm under his touch.

“Even if they do unspeakable things to you?” he continues, his hand moving upwards, riling your shirt up in the process, exposing your soft skin to his gaze.

You let out a long breath you didn’t know you were holding, body slightly shaking under his touch. “Yes, sir.” You affirm once again, your heart hammering inside your chest. Sakazuki’s eyes slowly leave yours and instead travel down your body, taking in the curves of your breasts and then the exposed skin on your stomach.

You have so many different feelings racing inside your mind but the most prominent one is what is he going to do? Is this even legal?

The admiral leans down, his mouth brushing against the shell of your ear, his hot breath against your neck. Your body heats up when a low groan rumbles through his body, revibrating against yours. His hand traces your naked skin up, inching closer to your breasts. Your body arches against his touch and you have the urge to wrap your legs around his waist. You know your pussy is wet from his short ministration and you want to be touched.

However, there is this small part in your head that screams at you that this is a trap. But this tiny voice keeps being pushed to the side with every touch from his big hand. You sigh and let your head fall to the side when his hand pushes underneath your sports bra and starts fondling your breast.

A thin sheen of sweat has formed over your skin and you feel the heat inside your body. How did it come to this? This was supposed to be nothing but an interview! You know this isn’t right, but fuck! – his mere presence makes you feel things that should be forbidden!

Your mind is racing, trying to form a single thought but Sakazuki won’t let you. You feel his body shift, his legs nudging your legs apart and he presses his body between you. Your eyes open wide and you can’t hold back the moan anymore as his penis presses against you, hard and hot. Your hips rut up against his, wanting more friction.

The admiral raises his body to look down at your flustered form, his right hand buried underneath your shirt.

“So pathetic. As soon as some man shows you some kind of attention you crumble like a cookie. Look at you. You’re so needy you will even risk your carrier to get that dick.” As if to emphasize his words he thrusts his hips forward against yours, forcing another gasp from your lips.

Sakazuki lets go of your breast and pulls his hand out from underneath your shirt, leaving you breathless and flustered. Your slowly turn your head to look at him, his eyes giving no indication of his erect penis between your legs.

“I am not pathetic….” You mumble. You don’t know why you said that but it was the only thing on your mind you could communicate with the marine above you.

“And if I am then you’re as pathetic as I am.” You add, bracing for what’s about to come. Sakazuki lifts an eyebrow, surprised at your reply.

“Care to explain why?” you swallow hard but know there is no going back.

“You are the one who initiated this. You are the one who felt the need to touch me. And you’re as aroused as I am.” Now it was your time to emphasize your words by pressing your hips against his. The admiral doesn’t answer right away, he simply stares at you. Then, the corner of his lips slightly lifts up, indicating a smile.

“Gotta admit, you’re braver than you look.” He steps back, giving you some room but also robbing you of that sweet pressure between your legs.

He pulls down your shirt, deliberately brushing against your breasts one last time before he pulls you up by your arm.

He steps between your legs once again and reaches around you, his muscular body pressing against yours while his hands reach around you to untie your restraints. You sheepishly breathe in his cologne, his musk reminding you once again of the wetness between your legs.

When your hands are free again, he drops the rope on your lap and returns back to his seat behind the desk.

“Come to my office tonight after dinner.” He simply says without looking up, your file occupying his attention again.

“Why?” you dare to ask. Sakazuki glances up at you, his eyebrow raised once again.

“You are brave, not stupid, aren’t you? Follow my orders and we will get along well.” He simply said and waved his hand dismissively at you to leave. You murmur a “Yes, sir” and slowly make your way over to the door.

“Oh, and one last thing, recruit. Bring that rope with you. I think I need to teach you some more knots.” Your face heats up one last time, your hand clutches around the fabric, and you hurriedly open the door to leave his office.

What the fuck did just happen?!

#one piece #op #op x reader #one piece x reader #op Sakazuki #one piece sakazuki #akainu #Akainu x reader #Sakazuki x reader #female reader #dub.con #op x female reader #older man x younger woman #slightly ns.fw

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mezzy-1 · 7 months

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VALORANT UNIVERSITY HEADCANONS

@eviethelesbian once again thank you for the Headcanon List. Also shoutout to @darthladyofillusions because I included ur OC :)

Harbor is a history professor dating Astra, the archeology professor. Both of them met on a trip to a site in India

Both of them reached for the same the brush at one point and they laughed it off later

Both of them are excellent teachers in their own way. Varun has a habit of going on tangents about stories and is super nerdy about his subject. Efia’s classes are fun and her energy is infectious

Cypher has a family and does cyber security for the University. Nobody knows his actual name.

Nobody knows him that well but when he comes out of his office he’ll say hello to anyone nearby. He goes home quickly though and usually avoids working late.

Cypher’s office is full of pictures of his family, drawings from his daughter, screens, and the scent of imported Moroccan teas

He and his wife and kid see the students off when they graduate, and all of the students are amazed to realize that this guy has such a good family life. (They thought he was a no-life kinda guy)

Liam ‘Brimstone’ Byrne is the university’s Dean and basically runs everything as much as possible for the good of the students. Tariq and him are the brains and guiding hand of the university

He retired from the military after he was given an educator’s license and became a professor of tactics at a military academy. He then took his skills elsewhere and turned the college into what it is now

Liam keeps the students at the forefront of any policy changes and takes an interest in professors that are considered brilliant but difficult to work with. He’s an expert of recruitment and reining in the right people

Has snacks in his office for students but they can only get them if they complete a pull-up on an pull-up bar he has in his office. One arm only.

Sabine worked at R&D at a pesticide company but is the only Organic Chem teacher that the Valorant U could get. Somehow is a good professor despite hating students and no general teaching

She doesn’t really hate them but it isn’t a good idea to get on her bad side. It’s rumored she poisons the students she hates.

Stared daggers into the first person (Jamie), to make a Breaking Bad reference and since then nobody brings it up

Classes with her are pretty tense but if a student actually tries and gives their all, she’ll notice and be kinder to them. Especially students who study chemistry. Double for O-Chem.

Sabine’s style of teaching could use work, but when she tries to explain complex ideas she’s genuinely in her element. She once explained how tetrodotoxin and nerve ion channels worked to Zyanya’s little sister

Zyanya is a professor for sure, probably the best Spanish teacher ever. Beyond terrifying to new students

She will not let students forget proper accents and grammar, and god help the people that do. Somebody once forgot their homework and Zyanna was literally this close to killing them

Her Spanish is specifically Mexican, and that extends to the class through some of the words she teaches. Especially bits in culture and authenticity

Zyanya’s idea of testing people is borderline an interrogation. 10 minutes of extensive and stern conversations and multiple pages of writing. People say it feels like their souls have literally been drained

Students come out of the classes fluent or scarred for life

Ling is a professor of medicine and completed her PHD around the same time Viper completed hers. They were amazed to see each other teaching

She does Tai Chi for relaxation but did at one point learn Kung Fu while living abroad in a monastery for a couple of years. She once broke a board in front of her class just to prove it

Hosts meditation hours during finals week and her office hours are always super useful for all of the medical and nursing students. Calming as hell to anxious people

Tala got a scholarship via cross country and another from basketball, and wants to major in physical therapy. She also got a job doing late night shifts at the library as security.

Hazal is in a band called Nightmare. Her and several other introverts got together and started one. Only perform in the most obscure venue. She can play bass REALLY WELL

Tala found out and now shows up to every performance the band has. If it weren’t for the lights flashing red and blue, you could see Hazal blushing when she spots Tala in the crowd

That’s how she met Hazal. Tala was approached by her because Hazal wanted to study late and the two became acquainted

Both of them love the late nights that they share and Hazal is always at one of Tala’s games. Tala picks her out of the crowd every time, and at the end Hazal always kisses her

Mateo is a veterinary student and is everyone’s friend. Except Iselin because some of his patients got into her office once and trashed her latest project model

He keeps fish, dogs, lizards, cats, and nearly everything else. At one point he was in charge of a project that kept some monkeys around at one point

The animal counterparts are a chameleon (Dizzy), a Chinese High Banded Shark (Thrash), a bullfrog tadpole (Mosh), and an Axolotl named Wingman

He has a crochet version of his (radivore) crew, courtesy of Omen being bored one day

Mateo is a Gen Z kid, and his vocabulary beyond salvaging

Jamie is an English major, I mean, obviously

Everyone likes Jamie, he brings a certain energy to everything he does and it resonates well with people. His writing has a level of power and rhythm that makes it both easy to listen and layered

He is a songwriter, and poet, and even has a collection of published short stories. His mums are proud. His scripts are also incredible and his goal is to get his own musical to Broadway

When Jamie is in a play, it’s usually as the protagonist or the main antagonist. It is wonderful to see him on stage, especially because he’s trained as a Shakespearean actor

Tayane is THE art student and the reason most of the faculty drinks. And also the reason why most of the students drink too

Absolute ragers getting thrown anytime Tayane is involved. This woman does not stop until the sun is up

Her graffiti portraits are inspired, colorful, and almost always on government property or university property. Brim started commissioning her in order to stop her from painting everything

The commissioned murals are a lot better for her, and gave her legal access to make huge projects on some of the older buildings

One of the walls is a silhouette of a woman with big circular glasses, geometric pink and yellow patterns around her, and surrounded by flowers

Vincent Fabron is the art teacher and Viper HATES him. He’s also that one teacher an unreasonable amount of people of have a crush on

He was a tattoo artist while taking art lessons in France, then moved into high class art. His gallery pieces gained a lot of attention and he gained a lot of money from them.

Now he teaches art, and has done graphic design for many upscale companies. His own business card has won awards from design and art societies though

Omen is a guy in a scarf and hoodie that is somehow in everyone’s classes. He crochets in the back sometimes.

Texts notes at 4am to anyone who needs it and is incredibly nocturnal. He doesn’t need sleep he needs friends

Students never remembered or learned his name, so they just started calling him Omen after the laptop brand he uses

Erik ‘Breach’ Torsten is a coach they brought in and actually manages a paralympic team. May have criminal past according to some of the athletes he manages

He will scream at people in Swedish during games, practice, going over strategies, and if he sees them in public. Friendly but so loud

His prosthetic arms were a courtesy of the university’s science program. They were partially a gift and partially a test to see what they could do. Erik made sure that he could flip people off with the arms

Iselin the professor of Industrial Design, and she is the most stern professor ever. At times she works for a wilderness recreation company and does product design for them.

She is very organized, and her lecture presentations are always available, she lists the pages to read, dates for every assignment are posted a month in advance

Iselin’s a professional and rarely eases up, but the few times she’s been out with the other faculty she’s been surprisingly fun. Especially with Ling for some reason

Kirra is a Biology professor that has so many plants in her room. Has a parakeet, dog, and fish tank at home too. Does wildlife photography on the side.

Kirra protested in college and was arrested once for sabotage. So she is totally chill with people missing class for stuff, and gives extra credit for students involved in causes

Goes on wilderness expeditions with some students for a class and memorized several survival books worth of information and knows every plant, animal, and fungus she comes across

Klara is an engineering major and Tayane just comes to those classes because she can. It usually results in the equipment being plastered in stickers and paint.

They met when Tayane decided to tag the garage that Klara was keeping her final project in. Both of them sort of caught feelings as soon as they saw each other

Klara fell so damn hard, and realized this while Tayane was doing a kegstand. Klara whispered ‘she’s perfect’ mindlessly and then realized Sunwoo was right next to her

Sunwoo finished what was in her cup, patted Klara on the back, and said ‘good luck’ before walking away and pretending she didn’t hear

Her final project has been her ‘Lockdown’ which is basically an EMP crossed with a massive DDOS hack. It went off once and downed the college’s internet for a week.

She’s going to switch it to something a little less destructive at this point, and Tayane is helping her brainstorm. Currently it’s a robot but she’s trying to figure out what to make it do

KAY/O is Tariq’s gamertag. The man is a CS:GO fiend and has crazy flashes due to muscle memory

Liam and him are MARRIED. I’m not budging on this one and you will find me dead in the ground before I let this go

Tariq’s good at a lot of random stuff and doesn’t help out too much at the college but is well-known as the ‘guy who Brim allows to help grill things’ because nobody else is allowed

Helps Liam plan out things for the students and assists in any sort of set up that he can do

Ryo is studying Japanese History and works as a mechanic at a chop shop. It is shady as hell over there but Yoru will hook people up if needed. They definitely steal parts though

He takes business classes and there’s a real chance he might double major. His business acumen and aggressive nature would make him the ultimate CEO

Sasha is the professor that most students simp for, and he teaches Russian Language classes. Throws things at students that don’t pay attention and rarely misses

He has an owl nesting outside of the window to his classroom, he named it Matrioshka after the nesting dolls. It had owlets so it seemed fitting.

His babushka lives out of the country but gets a continuous stream of gifts from him

Sasha is that one professor that has a weird story for everything in his room. The bow he has? killed a grizzly bear with it. Glass eye on display? It was a gift from a glassmaker that was caught with illegal firearms. Weird rock? It was at the sight of a historic battle and has a bootprint in it

Has SO MANY books from Russian writers he reads in his off time. Also does archery at a cabin he has in the woods.

Nobody could handle Novikov at the cabin, the sheer hotness of him splitting firewood, bow hunting, and chopping trees would send people into a simp coma

At the end of the year, he writes each student a short note in Russian telling them something worthwhile.

Sunwoo is an amazing sprinter and also amazing at darts. Loves adding photos to the corkboard she has in her dorm

She isn’t really sure what she wants to study at the moment or even if she wanted to go to college. Gotta love families pressuring college on their kids right?

It isn’t as depressing though, she shows real talent and enjoyment in studying Business but surprisingly is leaning towards learning Journalism as well

She writes stuff for the school paper, a blog, and even has a (somewhat inspired by people around her) science fiction story. She hasn’t thought of a name yet.

It’s about secret agents that fight against an alternate dimension that tries to steal a powerful crystal from them. It’s quite popular with the people who she let read it and people are constantly asking for updates

Sunwoo is trying, and hopefully she’ll manage to find somewhere she can feel comfortable

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kayra is studying botany, and started a garden in one of the common areas. At first it was small but cute, then after a few weeks the flowers and bushes spread outside of the garden and overtook the common area.

It's now her favorite place to get away from people because trellises were added in and nobody can see through the vines. There’s a chance she keeps patio furniture in the garden too

Has been living in an apartment with Hazal. Tala has been the only one in there and says its overrun with houseplants and hanging lamps.

(@darthladyofillusions I hope this is accurate to some extent)

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tarotwithlove · 1 year

Text

pac ⋆ what do you need to hear right now regarding your studies/academic pursuits, from the archangels

reminder that this is a general reading and messages found here may not apply to everyone. take what resonates, leave what doesn't, and don't force anything if it does not fit

BOOK A READING WITH ME · TWITTER · TIPS ♡ tips and feedback are highly appreciated

GROUP ONE cards ⋆ six of swords (reversed), the high priestess (reversed), two of cups, four of pentacles, eight of cups (reversed), king of pentacles songs ⋆ moon by nct dream, flicker by enhypen, listen to your heart by roxette, nina by tyne hi my group one ♡ your message comes from archangel michael. you may be feeling as if you are not intelligent, or not intelligent enough for the path you have chosen. you go to your classes and find that you can’t formulate questions the way other students can nor are you able to engage the way that they do. you read your notes and prescribed readings and feel utterly out of your depth. it’s as if you’re drowning in the idea of who you are supposed to be, and who you feel you used to be a long time ago when learning came easy to you and you were top of your class without trying and you knew with your whole heart what you wanted to do and who you wanted to be. and when you knew without a doubt that you could achieve this. but you are doubting now. your belief in yourself is wavering. flickering. you sit in front of your notes and feel your eyes glaze over, not because you’re uninterested but because of the fear that seems to follow you everywhere that you actually aren’t good enough for this. that you are going to fail everybody who has put their faith, hopes, time, and/or money into getting you as far along on your path as you are. do you ever wonder if you are so overwhelmed and uninspired because you have forced yourself to conform to the ideals that were pushed upon you by others? many of you have come to pursue a passion that is not yours, and is instead the passion of parents or family members or the greater society. you are living up to the dream that someone else has for your life instead of your own dream. yet even as every part of your mind and body screams at you that isn’t for you, that this isn’t where your passion lies, you shake your head and persist. and that is valid. because this current path is a comfort—even at its most stressful, there is comfort in knowing that at least on this path you have your parents support and your community’s admiration. that this way you are “(x) who became a doctor and is supported her family, what a good girl” and not “(x) who’s *trying* to be an artist. how shameful. to think her parents put her through three years of college for this…” but there is no life to be lived in conforming to the expectations of others. you have this one, beautiful, short life. this finite time on earth in this body, why not cherish it and go down the path that will bring you the most joy and fulfilment, whatever that looks like for you? change your course, change your whole degree, apply for the school your parents said you shouldn’t apply to, apply for that scholarship program abroad, pick up that hobby that’s going to give your life meaning, start putting your out there– that webtoon, that novella, those short stories, your makeup looks—find innovative ways of interacting with your course work if changing is out of your control. if the big change is too much then make the small changes until you’re brave enough to take that leap of faith—anything to take your life into your own hands. listen to and trust your heart when it comes to this, my loves, it will not guide you down the wrong path. and if you ever feel lost, turn to archangel michael. he will be there for you ♡

GROUP TWO cards ⋆ three of swords (reversed), ace of swords (reversed), three of cups (reversed), temperance, seven of cups (reversed), six of cups

songs ⋆ one mo’ gen by mariah carey, behti hawa sat ha woh by shaan, dynasty by rina Sawayama, thirty under thirty by vardaan arora

hi my group two ♡ your message comes from archangel gabriel. the messages for this group are a bit all over the place, but in general there is an intense sense of loss for you all, with some of you either physically losing someone and others of you feeling as if you have lost a part of yourself. you are mourning who you used to be or the life you thought you would have with this person in it, the time you thought you still had to spend to together before they were taken from you or left without realising that the relationship was over.

some of you have long since graduated from high school or college, but cannot help feeling as if your potential has been squandered. you remember what it was like to be passionate about waking up in the morning and going to your classes, or spending the day at the library working on assignments, and how fulfilling that used to be even when left you exhausted. you look around at your life as it currently is—this unfulfilling job, this small city, this friend group that never mentally aged beyond 18 years old, this relationship that’s stagnated— and wonder if it is too late for you to go back to school and try again, this time with your years of lived experience under your belt.

it is not too late. for as long as you desire this, it will never be too late. your life, right now, is eating away at you, my dear. anyone who loves you can tell you are but a shell, becoming hollower and hollower the longer and longer your soul’s cry is going unlistened to. you keep waiting for the right time, but the right time never comes. and it will never come. you are going to have to make that right time for yourself, and trust me when i say that the right time to pursue your studies and academic ambitions is now, even if it is night classes, online classes, or classes that you attend infrequently until you are ready to commit to the full academic experience. don’t let your fears that you are too old or are being too ridiculous get in the way of you honouring your aspirations.

others of you in this group may have recently lost a loved one, either through their passing or through what you thought was going to be a long-term relationship suddenly ending. when i say “recently”, i mean within the last two to three years, which for many people seems like a long enough time that you should have gotten over this grief already. but you have not, and that is completely understandable. you hide behind a smile, knowing that you are crying every night in your room unsure if you can still stay committed to this academic path without the person who once inspired and motivated you to keep pushing forward.

in both cases, you cannot help but compare yourself to the people around you who appear to be doing so much better than you. who appear to be succeeding when your life seems to be stalling. you can’t help but think of how happy and fulfilled you would be if you were a different person whose life turned out just a little differently. but you are not a different person whose life turned out just a little differently. this is your life, and you are going to have to live it, whatever that means for you. are you wallowing in your despair and running away from both your dreams and your problems so much that you are actually just running away from living your life? are you looking at your options and goals and telling yourself you’ll make the decision on what to do tomorrow, every single night? are you looking at your coursework and assignments and tests and feeling your throat fill with bile?

you are going to have to make a much-needed change in your life. be it going back to school or leaving school for the time-being or starting therapy to help you through this, you are going to have to take the leaf of faith. and if you ever feel lost, turn to archangel gabriel. he will be there for you ♡

GROUP THREE cards ⋆ knight of cups, ten of pentacles, king of cups, the magician (reversed), four of cups (reversed), the sun (reversed)

songs ⋆ now or never by meet me @ the altar, main agar kahoon by son nigam & shreya ghoshal, when love’s around by zayn

hi my group three ♡ your message comes from archangel azrael. you may be particularly privileged, whether in that your studies are funded with ease by your family or that you have a family that will support you regardless of what “failings” occur or what decisions you make regarding your studies and academic pursuits.

this has allowed you a certain freedom that many of your peers may never have been afforded, giving you the space to try over and over again and/or opportunity to try different things and experiment until you figure out where your passion lies.

yet, the lack of expectation is an expectation in and of itself, and you may feel as if your constant search for something fulfilling to pursue both academically and afterwards as a professional career has left you listless and uninspired. your friends and peers all have something to work towards, while the time you have spent switching from thing to thing to thing to thing has only left you more confused than ever. you feel that while your peers have become more intelligent from their committed studies, you have stagnated and cannot compare to them at all. and while it is not at all noticeable to others, you feel as if in conversations everyone can tell that you’re not studying something more “intense” like microbiology or chemistry or law. you feel as if once you leave the room, everyone laughs at you for pursuing art or theatre or english instead of a real subject that will get you a real job. or you feel as if once you leave the room, everyone laughs because you’re repeating the year again.

and even if your family isn’t well-off, or even comfortable, and you’ve got to this point on bursaries or scholarships or your own hard work and your family is just one that loves you and trusts you enough to make the right decisions for you, you feel as if people look down on you for the path you’ve chosen because they believe you have the safety net to do as you please because of course you can just drop out and run home to daddy’s money. when you don’t and you can’t. and while at first, you may have felt confident that this is the right path for you and were completely assured that nothing would ever change your mind, you have started to doubt yourself. the uncertainty seems so big that it could almost drown you, and you wonder if you should just make the final switch to something that is more practical or that is going to be easier to pass, even if it doesn’t actually bring you any joy or fulfilment. even if it starves your soul instead of nourishing it. because at least if you conform to other people’s expectations, they will leave you alone a little and your fears will be hushed; because at least in this way you can just graduate or have a degree instead of spending another year or two pursuing your studies.

change is necessary, of course, but only if the change you are making is one that comes from a decision, you’re making for yourself based on your own needs, desires, and the life you want to build for yourself. know that you are going to find your passion again, you are going to find your place in this world and find that your life is filled with so much riches, abundance, prosperity, and love, even if it takes some time. even if it takes longer for you than it does for others. and if you ever feel lost, turn to archangel azrael. he will be there for you ♡

GROUP FOUR cards ⋆ six of swords (reversed), the magician, nine of cups, four of swords, the hierophant, seven of cups (reversed), wheel of fortune

songs ⋆ student loans by tobi lou, ridgemont baby by monaleo, blinding lights by the weeknd, drink with the leaves by lausse the cat & the young wizard

hi my group four ♡ your message comes from archangel raphael. you are currently in a transitional period, going from high school to college or college into your postgraduate studies. you are as excited for this period of your life as you are unsure of what is to comes and what it has to offer you. you wonder if you’ll flourish or if you’ll languish; if the time you spent pursuing your academic pursuits will pay off in your favour; if you will get the job of your dreams and be able to build the life you have always envisioned.

as sure as you are of your ability to succeed, you cannot help but compare yourself to your peers and to others who have transitioned out of your current situation. you hear about the graduate who hasn’t been able to find work for three years now, or find out about your friends keep getting rejections from jobs or graduate programs, and you can’t help but worry if that will be you as well. and so, both to combat what you fear is an inevitability and to ignore your own fears, you overcompensate. instead of going into the workforce, you do your bachelors and another bachelors and your masters and another masters and now of course you have to do your phd. and that’s fine, of course, in fact that’s highly commendable. but your academic pursuits cannot be a crutch for you to lean on because you are too scared of the real world and what it may hold for you.

nobody doubts your intelligence or drive, in fact it is your intelligence and drive that causes people not to see how lost you may actually be. how unsure you actually are about what your future holds. how you may not even know what you want to do outside of your studies, besides for the most abstract of ideas. someone asks you what your plans for the future are and you breathe a sigh of relief because you can say that you’re focusing on your education for the time being and know that this will not just get you out of the conversation but will get you praise for your dedication. but the reprieve that this offers you is only temporary.

and afterwards you are going to be back in that hole of worry and running away from your worry which only makes your worry worse. a horrible ouroboros. what you need right now is guidance from someone who understands where you’re coming from, who has been in this exact position, and who can provide you with the guidance that you need.

while it may be difficult to reach out to your educators, lecturers, or professors, especially if you are in a new environment around new people, building this connection is going to serve you for the utmost best. you are so dedicated to your path, but you lack purpose, and this is something that many who have dedicated themselves to academia can understand.

but, my dear, you must know that everything will turn out not just well but better than you could ever imagine. the sleepless nights, the early mornings, the hours spent working on assignments, the days spent studying… these things have not been for nothing, i promise you, even if your life takes a different route that the one you have envisioned or have prepared for. even if you have to take the leap of faith and go into the real world. eventually, and before you are ready—because if you keep waiting to be ready for the next stage of your life you are never going to move on the comfort of the safety net you have built. but i must insist that you will succeed, believe this, and if you ever feel lost, turn to archangel raphael. he will be there for you ♡

#tarot #tarot reading #pac #pick a card #pick a picture #pick a pile #pick an image #pick a group #tarotblr #**#archangel michael #archangel raphael #archangel azrael #archangel gabriel

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respectthepetty · 2 months

Text

I will never speak of this or acknowledge its existence

Phee had exactly one picture of Tan.

And if Tan knew it existed, he would have burned it.

Phee had lost count of the pictures he had with the other boys. They had taken so many in the time they had known each other. They were always smiling with their arms around each other. Some pictures he had taken. Others were Jin’s doing.

But not one of those pictures included Tan.

None of the other boys directly asked Tan why he wasn’t in the pictures. Honestly, Phee didn’t think most of them even realized that Tan wasn’t in them or maybe they thought Tan was self-conscious. He came across as timid because that’s how he wanted them to see him. Phee knew Tan was confident and assertive, but these boys couldn’t know that. Either way, Tan strangely never seemed to be around when they took pictures.

Phee thought it was because Tan didn’t want to be spotted in a photo by someone who knew him as New. He asked Tan about it that night, but Tan quickly dismissed the claim. He was high, which began happening more frequently than Phee cared to acknowledge, but Tan said more when he was high. Information would never flow from Tan regardless of how high he was, but he wouldn’t just stare at Phee like he normally did when he was sober. So that night, Tan responded that he had no friends to remember him as New. He said it like it was a common fact. He had spent so much time studying to get a scholarship that he never had time to make friends. Then, when he was abroad, he spent so much time studying to maintain the scholarship that he never made friends.

Phee was in Tan’s room as Tan was tearing through the cookies Phee had brought over on account of Tan being high. The last time they had smoked, Tan had described these soft chocolate and orange cookies he used to eat when he was abroad, which made Phee’s stomach rumble since Tan spoke of them with a warmth Phee hadn’t expected Tan possible of possessing for food. Phee had ordered them the same day Tan spoke of them and decided today was the day to deliver them. They were different than he thought they’d be.

But so was Tan.

Tan had given Phee a key to his room a few months ago, so he had let himself in while Tan was working at his desk. He didn’t know why Tan had given him the key, but when Tan handed it to him one random Tuesday after school, he simply said, “Just in case,” as if that was enough explanation. Phee guessed it was because he was at Tan’s a lot, planning and thinking. Tan never went to Phee’s house, no matter how many times Phee invited him. And he never gave a reason. Most of the time, he didn’t even give an answer. Whenever Phee would ask him over, Tan would simply look at Phee in a way that made Phee embarrassed for asking, as if Tan was silently reminding Phee that they weren’t the type of friends who hung out at each other’s houses just for fun. As if Tan was reminding Phee that they weren’t friends. Yet it didn’t deter Phee from asking again, and again, and again. He liked to believe that one day, Tan would actually accept. The invite? His friendship? Him.

Phee was high.

So was Tan who was quietly enjoying the bizarre cookies and busy rewriting notes on some subject he already knew everything about. Phee’s mind was left to wander until Tan remembered that Phee was in the room with him. This happened so often that usually, Phee would text the guys in the group chat which Tan never responded to, or watch a video on his phone about stuff Tan didn’t care about. But that night, after Tan confessed to never having friends, Phee sat in his chair next to Tan and examined the space he had sat in so many times before. Posters of the human body and chemical formulas decorated the walls. Tan’s desk was covered with containers and assorted models. When Phee's eyes roamed back to Tan for a moment, Phee briefly thought this must have been who he was aboard. Tan, sitting there with his cookies and his notes, offered a glimpse of New’s world. Phee quickly continued his silent observation of Tan’s room in hopes of finding more artifacts of New.

He noticed the only pictures in the room were attached to the board Tan used to pin his notes of the boys which he glared at when he was planning and thinking. Beyond the few items Phee had spotted, there was nothing else in the room that showed who New was. Then again, New no longer existed, and Tan was busy eating cookies and rewriting notes.

When Phee finally reacted to Tan’s statement about not having friends (much too late for it to matter, but time was never of importance in Tan’s room), it was merely in his head.

Tan is Non’s brother.

It felt so obvious. He had known this, but as he sat there, the realization rolled over him as if he was confronting the truth for the first time.

Phee’s room said something about him. It had clothes thrown everywhere. It had pictures of his family. It had little items that showed his interests. Jin’s room said something about him. It had pictures of the guys. It had posters on the wall of movies he loved. It had little figurines on his shelves. Just like Non’s room.

And, ironically, that’s why Phee had made the connection in this room devoid of time and apparently devoid of Tan.

He hadn’t realized Tan had dozed off at his desk curled over his notes, but as soon as Non popped into Phee’s head, he had been so consumed by his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed anything else. Phee had made the comparison before he could stop where it was heading. This happened each time Non slipped into his thoughts, which was too often . . .

because Tan is Non’s brother.

Phee tried to shake the thought out of his head, but that made all his other thoughts emerge from their watery depths causing him more confusion. He wanted to turn off his brain because he knew where this was going. He was high, but he hadn’t realized just how much until all those thoughts called to him in hopes of dragging him underwater.

Yet Tan was sleeping peacefully at his desk.

Just like Non would.

Non and Tan were both smart, but Phee had picked up on other little things Tan did that reminded him of Non. Non got lost in his work as easily as Tan did. Tan was as passionate and stubborn about his work as Non was. Non’s face gave his feelings away often, and surprisingly, so did Tan’s. They were small facial changes, but Phee always noticed them. Just like he noticed that both boys rarely smiled, but when they did, it was a look of pure joy. Like when Tan was eating these weird orange cookies.

And they both kept their secrets.

“He had an apple,” Phee whispered to Tan.

That was it. That was his response to Tan’s earlier confession about having no friends, but it wasn’t loud enough to even stir Tan from his hazy slumber. He should have felt guilt for almost waking Tan up. He should have felt sadness for thinking of Non in that moment. But instead, he felt exposed.

Because Tan is Non’s brother.

Non didn’t have a picture of Tan in his room. Or on his phone. Non didn’t have pictures of his parents either, so Phee wasn’t surprised Non didn’t have a picture of him, not really at least. Non had a picture of Phee looking out at the water with him, but nobody would know that was Phee.

But Non had a picture of the boys.

And he had an apple.

They had eaten an apple the day Phee gave Non the red bracelet. Phee asked Non to be his boyfriend, yet Non hadn’t answered him. Phee kept asking again, and again, and again until one day, Non finally accepted. And when Phee went to apologize to Non at his house, he found a shattered picture of the boys instead. He knew of them, and he hated them. Then, he saw the picture of the apple, and his hate shifted inward where it had nested and expanded. He thought about it often. He wrestled with it. Non didn’t have a picture of him, but he had a picture of those boys. Phee knew those boys, but none of those boys knew Phee. How would they? Non didn’t even have a picture of Phee. No. Non had their picture.

And he had a picture of an apple.

That meant something. That’s what Phee had to remind himself. It meant something.

Non had a picture of those boys

and an apple.

It was Non’s secret.

After Non disappeared, his room remained frozen, devoid of time, telling the story again, and again, and again. Non didn’t have friends; he had secrets.

Phee was Non’s secret.

And here Phee was again, a secret. Tan’s secret.

Tan had no friends. He said it with such ease. The boys with their pictures plastered on the board weren’t Tan’s friends. Those boys weren’t Non’s either, yet both brothers had their pictures.

But not Phee’s.

The guys thought Phee and Tan were hiding a secret. They thought Phee and Tan were sleeping together. They constantly questioned Phee and Tan’s closeness. They joked that Phee and Tan were lying. Jin accused Phee of hooking up with Tan since they were never invited to Tan’s. But every time, Phee reminded them all that there was no big secret. Phee was Tan’s friend. Nothing more. They were just friends.

And he believed that. They were the only two who had loved Non. They were there for each other. They were connected by their loss.

But Phee wasn’t Tan’s friend. Tan didn’t have friends. He had made that clear. Tan was like Non. They didn’t have friends. They had secrets.

And Phee was one.

Everyone had secrets. Tan and Phee were in this situation because of everyone else’s secrets. That’s why Tan couldn’t tell anyone who Phee was. He couldn’t tell this group of boys that Phee was the reason the charges on Non were dropped. Tan couldn’t tell them how he knew Phee. Tan couldn’t tell them who Phee was, not to Non, and not to him.

Phee could walk away from all of this. Tan had told him that from the very beginning when Tan had come up with this plan. When Tan had said that Phee could leave whenever, Phee believed it was Tan’s way of trying to keep him out of danger, which is why they had to keep quiet, but now he knows better. Tan's admission that he doesn’t have friends brought Phee clarity.

Because he is nothing to Tan except a secret. Tan doesn’t need Phee, and if Phee decided to leave, Tan wouldn’t lose anything. Tan made sure of that. Tan planned for that.

There was a time when Phee truly believed that if told Tan how he felt, he would be free. Not only of these feelings, but also the anger he felt. He knew he could leave Tan, but that would only rid him of Tan, not these feelings. He was never naïve enough to believe Tan needed him, but he thought Tan at least cared about him, and that belief is why he didn’t confess to Tan. He knew Tan would be so disgusted by Phee’s feelings that he would see it as a betrayal . . . to their plan? To Non? Why would Tan see it as anything else when Tan only saw Phee as a secret to be used for that fucking plan?

Because Tan is Non’s brother!

Phee had felt this way for longer than he was comfortable admitting. At first, Phee dismissed his feelings. He ignored them because he knew his feelings weren’t about Non and that made him feel guilty. That’s why he tried to not think about Non, but that was the root of these feelings.

Because Tan is Non’s brother.

And it started with all those little things that Tan did to remind him of Non. It was the simplest answer. The only reason Phee felt the way he did about Tan was because Tan reminded him of Non, and Phee had loved Non. He loved the way Non got so lost in his work that Phee had to remind him to take his meds. He loved the way Non was so passionate about his projects that he wanted to finish them no matter how much effort he had to put in. He loved making Non smile, and he loved that he could see Non’s emotions on his face, even when he knew Non was lying to him.

And these were all the things he loved about Tan.

He loved that he knew how Tan felt because it was written on Tan’s face. That’s why he wore Jin’s uniform to school. He wanted to see how Tan felt. He easily admitted that he had sex with Jin, but he didn’t tell Tan how he was so angry at Jin that he couldn’t even look at his face. Phee let Tan believe whatever he wanted just so he could see the raw emotion on Tan’s face, but when the emotion finally showed on Tan’s face, Phee had to look away. Tan’s expression was one of disgust, but not for Tan himself. Tan was questioning Phee’s loyalty, to their plan, to Non.

Because Tan is Non’s brother.

Tan never thought of himself. Tan had been so lost in planning and thinking that he didn’t even remember his birthday. His real one, not the one he put down on the forged documents to get into school. But Phee remembered it. The first time, Tan’s parent had sent him a message and some money still believing he was abroad which served as a brief reminder that Tan once had a life of his own. Tan didn’t celebrate even after the message came through. He immediately shot off a response to them and kept working on his notes, but Phee mentally noted that day. So here Phee sat a year later, with these damn chocolate and orange cookies that he ordered specifically for New’s birthday restraining himself from caressing New’s hair as he slept.

He wanted to keep New safe. He wanted to protect him. He wanted to save him.

Just like he had wanted to save Non.

But he knew none of that was possible because New is Non’s brother.

New was going to follow through with this plan no matter what happened to him because New is Non’s brother, and they don’t know when to stop until it’s too late. Non wouldn’t let Phee help him. He kept his secrets. And New was the same. Phee couldn’t protect Non, and he knew he couldn’t protect New. Phee failed Non, and he couldn’t keep New safe, not from these boys, and not from himself.

So instead, Phee took his picture.

He had brought his camera in hopes of taking a birthday photo of New with his dumb cookies, but once Phee realized New had forgotten his birthday, Phee kept the camera in his bag. In hopes of fighting the reckless urge to stroke New’s relaxed face, Phee quickly grabbed the camera from his bag and awkwardly took a picture. Phee didn’t even inspect the photo. He had already begun placing the camera back into his bag when he realized a partially eaten cookie was next to New’s hand, which meant it would likely be in the picture. The bite New had taken out of it revealed the orange jelly inside, and it gave the cookie the appearance of a gemstone beckoning Phee to hold it. Phee knew he should leave it where it was, but the idea of sharing this gem with New forced him to move, so he carefully grabbed the cookie with his other hand as to not disturb Tan and placed it in his mouth.

The cookie was just as strange as it was when he had eaten the others. The textures were conflicting. The cookie was soft. The chocolate was hard. Yet the orange, the orange . . .

Would be the feel of New’s lips. It would be the taste of New’s mouth. It would be the scent lingering on New’s breath.

Phee immediately shoved the camera back into the bag and turned to leave. New didn’t even budge. For a moment, Phee hesitated at the door. He wanted to move New to the bed like he done countless other times, but Phee knew if he got New into the bed, the weight of New’s body mixed with Phee’s current state would drag him down into that bed with him and all his drowning desires.

So he opened the door and left New behind.

---

He wasn’t sure when sleep finally came to him that night, but when it did, it brought Non and his red bracelet. They were by the water in their spot with a small bag of apples settled next to them on the blanket they had spread out. Phee’s head was resting in Non’s lap. Phee looked at Non’s hand which was gently placed on his chest, and admired the red bracelet that adorned his wrist. When Phee went to intertwine their hands, Non playfully avoided the gesture by grabbing an orange cookie from the spot where the apples had previously been mere seconds ago. When Phee looked back up to Non’s face, New looked back at him in the red shirt he had on the first day they met, offering him a bite of the cookie.

---

Phee would remember that dream every time he looked at the picture. In his haste to take the picture, it was slightly blurry, but he still foolishly printed a copy of it and hid it in a book in his room because he wanted something tangible. He wanted something to hold. He could’ve left the picture out. His father never came into his room, and Tan would never come over, so there was no chance he would see it. It was common for the other guys to take photos of each other sleeping after a night of partying. They jokingly shared the photos in the chat. If any of them saw it, they wouldn’t have thought twice about it. Then again, they probably wouldn’t even realize it was Tan.

But this was Phee’s secret to keep.

This was his secret to protect.

This was his to save.

Phee had exactly one picture of New, and if Tan knew it existed, he would have burned it.

Because New was Non’s brother.

But New couldn’t exist.

So neither could Phee’s love for him

#DFF #Tan x Phee #because when Phee held Tan as he cried #I was a goner #apples and oranges

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