#his and Ortegas friendship is so funny I love it

[ichayalovesyou]

Holy shit Serene Squall was FUN!!

Sexy non-binary pirate possibly reoccurring villain?! Fuck yeah!

Captain Pike cooking for the pirates as incentive for them to stop punching him in the face XD

Messy messy relationship shit between Spock and Chapel and T’Pring?! Fuck yeah!

The crew dying from second hand embarrassment while Pike does a very stupid pirate impression? As if I didn’t already love him enough!

Stonn AND Sybok name drops?!?! FUCK YES.

#oh my GOD they’re using Sybok YESSSS #I was hoping they would #so much wasted potential #and oh my god the fucking irony of T’Pring being like ‘you’d never cheat on me right babe?’ #pike just being himself #his and Ortegas friendship is so funny I love it #star trek #Star Trek snw #snw spoilers #strange new worlds #star trek strange new worlds spoilers #snw s01e07 #the serene squall

[a-tale-of-legends]

Friendship HC's for team star?

Oooooh a fun one. These are going to be very all over the place, so bare with me here.

The only reason that Giacomo is as passionate as he is about music as he is today is thanks to Mela and Eri. The two girls have been super supportive of his passion, which at the time he was very embarrassed about. Eri especially, who didn't really look at Giacomo's past and shame him for it. Mela's bluntness pretty much made Giacomo really think about himself, and who he really wants to be. Of course Atticus and Ortega are just as supportive of him as the girls, but those two were the bigger ones that pushed him forward. Though, I totally see Atticus helping Gia with his hair lol.

Surprisingly no one, Eri is the mom friend of the group. She looks after everyone and makes sure their needs are taken into account. That being said, team stars( both the bosses and the grunts) all do their best to make sure she's taken care of too. They have forced her to sit down and let them handle any heavy lifting or general labor, just so she doesn't overwork herself. She appreciates them for that, but that does not stop her worrying. They.... aren't exactly the strongest bunch ( physically I mean). Oh, and her and Giacomo are the ultimate planner duo. Eri's kind nature + Giacomo's tendency to overthink equals they will have almost everyone's own taste/likes-dislikes taken into account. ( Eri also makes sure Giacomo doesn't panic so much during that process. He looks cool calm and collected, but he gets really anxious at the chance of doing something wrong, again).

I hc that Ortega wears gloves pretty much 24/7, for a multitude of reasons, one of them being he's pretty sensitive to different textures. So when making the outfits for Team Star, Atticus worked closely with him to figure out what type of fabric he likes ( both for his gloves and the general outfit), and make the clothes with said fabric. Ortega actually paid for all the material for the team Star outfits really. He likes to go on Eri's shoulders. He likes feeling tall :3. Much like Mela, he's pretty blunt and can go feral cat mode if he wants to. He is a Menace and Eri has held him like an angry cat multiple times. He and Mela have the greatest banter btw. Just *chef kiss*. Mela does push him to be more independent though, which he's not totally used to coming from a rich family, but is still appreciative of it. Won't admit this outloud though, he will never hear the end of it.

In general, Mela let's get guard down more around team Star, but Atticus and Eri is where she's more Soft™. Atticus and her are makeup buddies, Atticus letting Mela rant if she needs to. Mela, next to Ortega, are the most likely to start a fight if someone talks ill about her friends. Pray that she doesn't hear you talk about Atticus in any negative way. Though Atticus does think it's sweet, he doesn't really care anymore. Words hurt, yes, but he's the happiest he's ever been, he loves what he's doing, he has amazing friends. So what people think he's weird. From his point of view everyone is, and it's really nothing to write home about. So Mela doesn't get into verbal confrontations about snide remarks about Atticus anymore. She will give the person a mean death glare though. That usually shuts them up. Anyway, back to Atticus, he actually knows sign language, and taught the others it. Eri and him train together, though Atticus is more about dexterity than strength. Either way, they have fun together. They like to call their training sessions together as a " training montage".

Everyone likes to joke about how Giacomo is honestly Just A Guy, mainly due to his chill nature. He takes offense to this. He worked very hard on his image you know! He is not just some guy!!! ( Really, he thinks it's funny. Low-key grounds him a bit, oddly enough).

Okay I think that's everyone.....nah I'm kidding.

To say that Penny was nervous actually hanging out with Team Star irl was an understatement. Girl was terrified. Despite their warm introductions before, she still couldn't help but worry about them seeing her. Everyday. It's nerve was nerve wracking. In a way it made her feel bad, since she's used to hanging out with Nemona and Arven ( and protag/ocs), but the people she knew for longer? It terrified her. The bosses took note of this right away though, and did their best to ease her in, as if she's meeting them for the first time. Eventually, and rather quickly, she just. Melted into the group like she did before. Her room is already crowded as is ( something that Eri is very concerned about) so they can't always just hang out in her room....so they do in Gia's, who's the cleanest of the bunch. It sometimes amazes penny how easily they all talk to each other, how much they make each other laugh despite being so different. But she's not too surprised. Their misfits who stick together. She doesn't say this much, she always gets embarrassed, but she's forever grateful to have team Star in her life <3.

#r answers #pokemon headcanon #hopefully this is good #team star giacomo #team star eri #team star ortega #team star atticus #team star mela #team star penny #pokemon team star

[revisitedgrunt]

Wednesday

I binged Wednesday a few days ago and I'm still having thoughts about it. Thought I'd write them down in an attempt to move on.

Spoilers follow.

For the most part, I really enjoyed it. Loved almost all the characters, loved the setting, loved the mystery and loved the acting. Jenna Ortega was fantastic, as she always is and everyone else did a great job with what they had to work with.

Honestly, my only issue with it was the love triangle. I'm one of those people that felt that Wednesday shouldn't have had a love interest, let alone two. The writers could have done the correct, smart thing and not included one, but they felt the need to include two. I can only guess it's because the characters are teenagers, but with Wednesday it just felt unneeded, cliché and poorly written.  

Throughout the entire season I didn't once get the impression that Wednesday was into either boy, so I was confused when she kept agreeing to do things with Tyler, like the dance and the date. Wednesday gave off absolutely zero romantic vibes, so why not just shut it down and tell him she wasn't interested. After seeing an interview with Jenna, I think I now have an idea of what happened.

Jenna didn't want a love triangle, she was against it. Jenna said that Wednesday's primary interest was the monster and the mystery and her interest in the boys wasn't genuine but just amusement and that boys are the last thing on Wednesday's mind.

Seems to me that Jenna had a much better idea of her character than the writers did. So going to the dance and on the date were just an amusing distraction, not because Wednesday was actually into it. This at least makes sense with Wednesday's absolute non-romantic interest in the boys. I'd love to see the script. Did Jenna play it how it was written, or was Wednesday meant to actually care and Jenna decided not to play it like that?

So, the love interests. Xavier was obviously the secondary one. I found it funny that they'd met as kids and Wednesday didn't remember him. He had to tell that very specific story to get her to remember. Given that for most of the season, Wednesday thought he was the Hyde, there really wasn't any romance here. Xavier as a person seems kinda terrible. Broke up with Bianca, basically accusing her of using her powers on him when there was no evidence she did. Also asked Bianca, who still seemed into him, at the dance they went to together, to take his memories of Wednesday away. Imagine you're Bianca and how bad that would make you feel.

Looks like he's being set up as the future love interest. Jenna also has an issue with this. In another interview (she also mentions being against the love triage here) she said she'd like them to become good friends as safe, platonic friendships between men and women aren't shown often enough.

I love Jenna for having the courage to speak out like this. I feel like a lot of actors wouldn't criticise the writers, but Jenna obviously knows her worth.

Now, Tyler. For the most part, I found him to be inoffensive. Apart from the “mixed signals” scene, which was a red flag as Wednesday had given him no signals, he wasn't too bad. There also wasn't really much there, he was just a generic “nice” guy. It was funny after finding out he's the Hyde, Wednesday wasn't upset. Her only response was a one liner about the first boy she kissed being a monster. This goes back to the fact that Wednesday gave off no romantic vibes and Jenna played it as Wednesday not genuinely being into him.

I would hope he's off the board as far as love interests go. We learnt in episode 8 that he did remember what he did as the Hyde, and he enjoyed it. Given that he almost killed Eugene, one of two people Wednesday forms an actual emotional bond with, I don't see her forgiving him.

Now it's time to talk about Enid, who's the only other person Wednesday seems to actually care about at Nevermore. Their relationship also doesn't come across as romantic. However, I feel that if the writers continue to force romance onto Wednesday, this one would at least make sense.

Unlike with Tyler and Xavier, Wednesday does seem to care about Enid's thoughts and feelings. All we need to do is look at the scenes where Enid moves out and the climatic hug to confirm this. Wednesday is genuinely upset when Enid moves out, we can contrast this with scenes of Tyler and Xavier being mad and her, and her not giving a damn.

The hug is also the emotional highlight of the show and the culmination of their relationship. Wednesday has backed away from hugs in the past, but here she hugs Enid back. It's not just a pity hug either, or because Wednesday thinks Enid deserves it. She hugs Enid tightly, emotionally, while closing her eyes. This is probably the most emotional we see Wednesday all season and, unlike the Tyler kiss, this doesn’t end badly.

I also found it interesting that Enid is the one who saves Wednesday from Tyler. In a lot of stories it's the love interest who saves the main character, but here it's Enid. It's even more interesting when a bit later we see Xavier try to save Wednesday from Joseph, which fails spectacularly and results in Wednesday getting hurt.

It would be very easy to turn this from a friendship to a romance. A lot easier than establishing something with Xavier, or someone new. I also don't think they'll do this. Gough and Millar have written for shows with wlw rep, The Shannara Chronicles and Into the Badlands, but I get the impression they are pushing the Wenclair friendship and want to keep them straight. This is also stupid because the whole point of the show is about being an outcast. They even equate this with being queer with Enid's subplot about conversion camp and her parents accepting her for who she is. Many queer people still fell like outcasts and this show could do so much good in having their main character, who has so much name recognition, be actually queer.

That was a lot. If you liked the romances I'm happy for you. I do hope there's a season two as the good greatly outweighed the bad.

I see Wenclair is already a popular tag :)

#wednasday #wednesday netflix #wenclair

[goofyjelly]

Watching Spock charades ✨ and I have THOUGHTS

okay the all caps made it sound bad 😭 Im not gonna dunk on it, okay

I am LIVING for the fact that they literally went :

"yea we changed Spock into a teenage boy. Yea, on the night he's supposed to undergo this huge marriage ritual. Yea his in laws hate him. We stay silly ☺️"

Everyone's already talked about the bacon thing, obviously- like idk why that's there. That's my only , like , "complaint" so far; I am living for every other moment so far tho fjskfjsk.

SPOCK PUT ON THE BEANIE!!! He did the thing!!! The Spock thing!!!

Also i just have to assume the "fake ears" they give him are just... The props they normally use fjlsjfksnf

I absolutely LOVE that Uhura and Erica are immediately on board with Chapel's plan, this is friendship goals

OOOP CHAPEL-

Bestie, I'm sorry but your crush is EXTREMELY obvious even the aliens know

PFFFFFFF ORTEGAS AND UHURA JUST- THEY JUST TURN AROUND

I fucking love this episode, man. Its got me laughing.

HE WHAT

HE-

Now that was sweet 🥺 And Logical™ of course... To divert shields.

TPrings mother is such a bitch, usually I stand for woman's wrongs but she is SLANDERING Spock and Amanda.

Amanda has been slandered her WHOLE TIME ON VULCAN!!!

"You're a disappointment" SHUT THE FUCK UP- DONT BRING HIS FATHER UP-

THE BATHROOM SCENE!!

Thank You, Ethan Peck 👏👏👏

Pike WHAT ARE YOU DOING

Pike has a father complex; he just wants to be everyone's dad and it's so funny to me.

The way TPring is like eyeing Chapel and Spock- she fucking knows what's up. Like the way Spock is acting so suspicious already makes it seem like something's wrong but it looks like they're legit having an affair when they literally aren't.

CHARADES

Because of course. The human mating ritual. It is essential for every human marriage of course. They've gotta play charades. Thank you Captain Christopher Pike for your QUICK THINKING AND INGENUITY

FUCK YEA SPOCK!!!! SAY IT!!!

STAND UP FOR YOUR MOTHER GOD DAMN IT! This ENTIRE EPISODE Amanda has let herself and Spock be just stepped on by T'Pring's family and it's NOT FAIR!!

POP OFF, SPOCK!!!

I feel bad for T'Pring tho- like I get that Human Spock was struggling with telling T'Pring about the accident but SHE DESERVED TO KNOW!!! And now she's also humiliated and has to deal with her family and everything because of what Spock FAILED TO TELL HER!!!

If they just talked it out she would've been able to help somehow! She's responsible and capable, and at least then they would've been in the same boat (in a way).

Ig Spock was struggling to "give her bad news" earlier when her day was already going to shit and tbh, Fair. But still. Yk. They did her DIRTY

I feel for Chapel tho. Literally Me™

Okay okay more serious: I really like how her character is tackled so far. Like, she-

OH OH OH OKAY OKA-

OH WOW

ERM THAT JUST HAPPENED

#SNW Spock charades #star trek strange new worlds #star trek #star trek snw #s'chn t'gai spock #spock #t'pring #chapel #pike #goofy jelly thoughts

[ariesqueencobra]

about me

hi! i started this blog recently because i want to write some cobra kai fics! here's a little bit about me!

i love cobra kai, obvi, i've rewatched the show about six times already

i'm obsessed with xolo maridueña

i enjoy listening to the lone lobos podcast

i think sam and demetri have a cute friendship

chris is a funny and underrated character

i HAVE watched the original trilogy and it only made me love the series even more

i will not tolerate any sam slander or any slander on female characters for that matter!

johnny and carmen are my loves

amanda is so freaking funny

there is not one cobra kai character i don't like, i honestly think all of the characters are strong individually and are so interesting and well-rounded on their own

besides cobra kai, i like....

anything superhero (big fan of blue beetle)

i like the try guys (without a recipe = christmas time)

i love the sims (i spend three hours creating a sim and six hours building a house to play for twenty minutes)

i love reading (romance books are my ride or die, i'm a hopeless romantic, what can i say?)

i love painting my nails (holo taco for those who know)

i'm a fairycore/cottagegirl girly (anything with a mushroom on it really)

i love tinkerbell movies

cinderella is my favorite disney princess

my love for pomegranates have made a big chunk of my personality (idk why)

i paint in my free time

spider-man is my favorite superhero

if i could have any power, it would be pyrokinesis

i'm mexican

i'm bisexual (no homophobes on this blog)

jenna ortega, chloe bailey, keke palmer and renee rapp are the most beautiful women to ever walk the planet

i love mean girls

musicals are my fave (i do need to watch more though)

#blog info

[autistic-sidestep]

uno_reverse_card.gif im cheating and using a few ideas from the meme bc i have No braincells but i DO crave that suranga lore SO--

favorite color to wear AND favorite color in general, if they're different things; favorite genre of any media AND what his favorite type of media is (music, movies, shows, etc), favorite person, AND what he thinks abt the rat king :3

k lets finally fuckign answer this

favourite colour: phthalo green! namely why it's a very core part of the argos suit. they like wearing blacks/greys/dark greens and blues, those tend to lean into the more professional/conservative look they're angling for as a mob step, but i'm sure if they weren't having to worry abt staying lowkey in civilian cover they'd love to dress up in more bright colours, jewel tones n such. as for now, most of that's reserved for when they're juno (pre-debut) and argos.

their cuckoo training's given them an aversion to opera and ballet, given those featured heavily in the functions they were meant to infiltrate as a cuckoo, sometimes as a dancer themselves. but! musicals and plays, for sure. The COSTUMES. THE EMOTIONS. tia elena probably invites sura to come with her one time and they're hooked (i want to believe wicked's in the fh verse, they'd be all over that. misunderstood outcast tarred as a villain? YEAH. post-hb it'd have even more resonance; no good deed is SO fitting cos of past-self rivalry. defying gravity, too.) then there's 70s-80s rock, esp queen (ofc the lead singer is the purrcury's namesake), sharing the same taste in music as pelayo and joes lol.

they're a classics/shakespeare nerd too, (hence why sura's puppet was named juno), and they'd especially enjoy viola's genderfuckery in twelfth night (and honestly, the mental image of argos going "it's SHAKESPEARE you HEATHEN" after quoting something from one of the tragedies at a clueless hero is too funny to pass up. they're just bringing some class to the villain scene.)

they like movies, though they do find it a little less engaging w/o the minds to read. a good few hollywood golden age, but animated ones are probably their favourite thanks to themmy. they binged a bunch of cartoon movies together, and lilo and stitch is their favourite cos of the BIG relate to lilo being a weird autistic girl and stitch being an escaped experiment that was made to be evil, but learned to love,,,,,

favorite person: pre-hb, it was a tie between ortega, tia elena (she nicknamed sura pollito, and she's the Only person sura will allow to call them that) and, as expected, themmy, in no small part due to the fact they all kept feeding sura. and he kept coming back like a stray cat lol. they made sura feel safe and loved and valued, and not just a little kid. themmy (in my hc) being openly autistic especially helped sura be less insecure about how young he came off, especially when the farmhands infantilised the regenes so much (and by extension, learning to mask and suppress his autistic traits). part of hiding his face (and lowering his voice) was so people would take him seriously, cos he was well aware how babyish he looked. it was a huge relief not to do that anymore, or at least do it less.

themmy: so what did you think?

t:

t: are you crying?

sura, sniffling and very obviously holding back tears: no

throughout rebirth, it was just mortum, largely cos they felt like the friendships they had as sidestep, being able to relax in someone else's company, this time, in juno's body. they love nerding out with her on tech stuff, critiquing peoples' suits, and just generally having someone that Gets It about just sitting in silence hanging out (mortum reads as neurodivergent to me).

it's a tie between her and chen now, to the surprise of both sura and chen, given how much friction they used to have lol. turns out that they have a lot in common (better at bonding with animals instead of people), more so than before hb, of course. (i am also pushing my autistic chen agenda, and that was part of the friction between the two was that step was trained to understand allistic inclined people. chen operates on different rules. but also given chens scepticism about the suspiciously well-trained young vigilante thing, i'll give him a pass for that too.)

rat king opinions: SURA ADORES THE GIRLS. sorta filling the void fred did, but not quite. i like to think of them as like… a telepathic equivalent of a service dog. if sura wasn't a mob step, they'd be a lot more dependent on them for interaction, but as is, they're a reliable supportive presence that sura knows will always have its back. it's nice to have another telepath to communicate with! routinely gives them mental scritches and treats for being the best telepathic rat brains in the whole world. they deserve it!!(and an added bonus, that also involves some self-care for herself. can't disappoint/let them down. it's a win/win.)

#ramblings #oc: suranga fernando #YAY ONLY TOOK 5 MONTHS THANKS FOR WAITING VAL

[goldensunset]

What are your thoughts on each of the Team Star kids?

beloveds. all of them. fave has gotta be eri though she’s both the most intimidating and the most loving. like she’s wearing this cool sparkly outfit that manages to scream ‘wrestler’ and ‘princess’ at the same time. but she’s really just another sad bullied girl like the rest of them who wants to do her best. she stands guard outside her own base and almost just challenged us right away. i appreciate that they made another named character among the team star grunts in that base to add to her character (carmen!) so then we find out that eri reached out a hand in friendship even to the girl who ruined her life with bullying because she knew what it felt like to be alone. also the way all eri’s pokémon are in heal balls! she’s the scariest and toughest of team star and she actually wiped the floor with me but at the same time she has the biggest heart of any of them

uh uh ok so for the others. tbh it’s been a while since i did those quests i don’t remember as much. atticus is a nice and polite man i think he’s cool. great character design but also the splatoon colors and patterns lol… hey as a poison type trainer he gets away with it. i do not remember his role in the group unfortunately but wasn’t it like. didn’t he make the code or something and he was super strict about it? or was that giacomo?

anyway giacomo beloved major props to him for composing all team star’s music because their music absolutely slaps. especially the squad boss battle theme. he’s the real mvp of the squad obviously who needs technology or training or whatever if you have killer music.he just seems like a friendly silly guy tbh he seems very chill. i respect him a lot

ortega is so funny even in postgame after y’all are friends he’s still a little brat. he’s like uhGHHHHHGGFG i can’t believe i lost to YOU!!! how old is this child. i would’ve tweaked his design only slightly to make either his hair or eyes darker, or to make one of them two-tone, cuz the all-pale pink isn’t as interesting to look at. or just fix his bangs slightly. otherwise it’s a fantastic design for a fairy-type trainer. and especially for a guy yeah i think ‘snotty pretentious rich boy’ is the best path they could’ve gone with that. but hey little boy can’t we be friends already

mela was the first one i did so i love her. she’s so sassy and fiery (lol) and i was like :0 when it cut away to a flashback to her past bc i wasn’t expecting it (i love that they did that for all the team star kids) basically it was just the first moment i really realized oh these are just a bunch of sad and rebellious kids who want to be with their friends. even in defeat mela still had to act all aloof but i could tell she cared! and she actually gave me a bit of trouble with her battle too bc i wasn’t expecting that revavroom. that was the first battle i really had to use more than one pokémon for; even my strongest mon who was my water-type starter couldn’t carry me the whole time. it was a rewarding experience

penny… she’s great! i just wish we had gotten to see more of her early on. like i know we were actually talking to her the entire time under the guise of cassiopeia but it’s just not the same as having bonded with the *concept of penny* for an entire game. she could’ve just showed up in person more often during starfall street, or we could’ve had one really solid conversation towards the beginning in between us intervening to bail her out from the team star grunts and her messaging us as cassiopeia for the first time. i think it would’ve done a lot. but hey given how much i love the team star storyline i have to give credit where it’s due to the one who made it all possible- both team star, and their downfall. honestly the one thing i think was really missing was nemona and arven asking her questions about it all during the endgame. i would’ve loved for them to hear the truth about team star but it’s too bad it was just never mentioned outside of that exact storyline. if they had cared at all about it and therefore had a reaction to penny talking about it all it would’ve made those endgame interactions even better. like hey remind us why penny’s here and relevant as one of my allies too other than being smart. just the teeeeeeensiest tiny little things i would’ve added if i were working on this story too. no need to remove or change anything, just add more

#team star beloveds!!! #fluffybunnybadass #asks #scarlet and violet #sv spoilers #pokémon

[heartwarminghockey]

"Charades" was okay. There were no actual charades, which...feels like a wasted opportunity, but still.

I had a lot of issues with this episode. I hate love triangles. I hate this love triangle in particular. In the very first episode, someone mentions chemistry between Chapel and Spock, which I thought was just a bad joke at the time because I didn't feel it at all and still don't. Later when it came up again, I realized it was in fact intentional, and they were trying to push a love triangle thing. It frustrates me for a few reasons:

One, I feel like Christine and T'Pring's characters are so interesting on their own, why can't their storylines focus on something other than a man? They get mentions of other stuff, like the fellowship and T'Pring's work, but their main storyline is this.

Two, T'Pring has been nothing but nice and understanding with Spock when literally everyone she knows is telling her not to be. She's bent over backwards trying to help him out and be there for him, and he continues to like half-heartedly be in the relationship, forcing her to do all the work, refusing to let her in at all. She keeps trying to meet him halfway and he keeps icing her out. I wish he would've just told her the issue. She has demonstrated before that she can put up with shenanigans. Man, justice for T'Pring.

Three, there were so many ways they could have avoided this storyline. Yes, canonically Chapel is into Spock, but he doesn't really reciprocate. They could've just fully left this aspect of their relationship out of the show altogether. For all we know, her crush doesn't develop until later on, you know? Instead, in trying to fix it, they've just kind of taken it in a new, also bad direction. They could've shown Spock and T'Pring as already being estranged. Instead, they've let Christine have a hand in the estrangement. They could've just not included a love interest for Spock at all, since we all know his greatest love is later down the line. I don't know, it's just an unnecessary choice. Are we supposed to feel happy for them, at T'Pring's expense? Fuckboy Spock just doesn't do it for me.

But there's other stuff, too, that bothered me. The implication that all vegetarians are dying to eat bacon, the racist Vulcan trope, the implication that Amanda's whole life has been nothing but silently suffering, the alien cloud suggesting that friendship isn't as strong or valuable as romantic love when Uhura and Ortegas were literally standing right there, having risked their lives to help their friend save their other friend. I don't know, maybe I'm reading too much into it.

I did really enjoy Sevet, I hope he and Pike get some buddy time in the future. I loved T'Pring standing up to her mom, and her being so done and over her mom was hilarious. I liked the "gotcha" scene where Spock reveals he was temporarily human for the whole ritual. I absolutely loved the deeper connection between Spock and Amanda. The fashion was on point, minus Spock's ridiculous "regulation" hat. I liked girls' night. I always love Pike cooking. This is a show that loves food, and I love that. The alien cloud was also kind of funny, friggin AI customer service sounding ass. There was a lot to like, and I love the show, this one just rubbed me the wrong way a little.

#snw spoilers #snw 2x05

[scentofdriedflowers]

Anyway Una/Z'ymira was freaking amazing she did not disappoint my expectation ON THe cONTrarY the reality was even better she was a gay huntress!!

Ortegas was freaking amazing and hilarious!! Her facial expressions are perfection👌 and Adya and Z'ymira the cherry on top!! Rukiya is my new hero writing gay fan fiction❤

La'an/princess Talia OMG she was hilarious I love Christina Chong and her dog😂! She was amazing, she her high level of dopamine🤣! sdfghjklkjhfdsfgh Imagine if La'an would have REMEMBERED LOL she would want to be buried 6 feet under!😂

Pike was ridiculous funny!😆

And can I say I love that we got a bit more of Lt. Michell?!!! And she was badass! Yes thank you keep giving us!!

And and and I Love Una and M'benga friendship so much!?!! He can call her Una lol! so they're close!!😄 And how she's such a good commander, yes reminding her crew of their duties but first their physical and mental state and try to help anywhere she can (ugh she will be a great captain!).

And for what I got they became good friends because he confides in her and trust her and viceversa and if I'm not mistaken she was still the only one knowing about Rukiya?! I love the last scene where she got to check on him and he started to tell her what happened to his daughter and the whole story about the '5 hours missing'. (Who knows if he tells her EVEryThinG sdfghjklkjhfdsfgh I can totally imagine her face in some of 'her storyline details' 🤣 and If the doctor spilled the beans to Una about who La'an was, LOL she would be relentless in her teasing la'an sdfghjklkjhfdsfgh) Anyway, I hope they will keep exploring this relationship, they're so good.

It was such a funny good episode then the last 5 minutes a punch in the guts! Uff it caught me off guard a bit damn! thank you I love episodes like this tho. I love this show!

#star trek strange new worlds #star trek snw #una chin riley #joseph m'benga #la'an noonien singh

[grapecaseschoices]

For the Character Asks! 🤗🤗 I love your blog because I have this sideview to all your lovely OCs and even though I have very little idea what's going on there they still sound so awesome 🤩 So these are three questions for Kai, Val, Pierre and Carmela (if that isn't too much!)

1. First impression of them

13. Favourite friendship

20. Weird Hc

28. Most unnecessary thing they did.

Ty hunnybun

Character ask game!

1. First impression of them

Kai: at glance: what a well-dressed, daring young man. but that attire isn't appropriate for a detective. after speaking with him: .... well .... he's certainly no nonsense.

Val: at glance: someone tell them the fifties is over? after speaking with them: what a little shit.

Pierre: at glance: What a square/what a straight laced looking gent. After speaking with him: What a nice and helpful young man.

Carmela: at glance: whoa, what a fashionista. after speaking with her: she's so funny!

13. Favourite friendship

Kai: Mason.

Val: Tina. And Felix.

Pierre: Verda.

Carmela: Chen.

20. Weird Hc

Kai: Maybe not weird but, he loves the sugary drinks as much as the black coffee at Starbucks.

Val: They're allergic to latex. Maybe not weird ..m weird would be they used to do the Am I Not Turtley Enougy For The Turtle Club voice.

Pierre: He can do handstands

Carmela: She can touch the tip of her nose with her tongue.

28. Most unnecessary thing they did.

Kai: Maybe snap at Bobby that one time. I mean Bobby deserved it but Kai knows better.

Val: So much what they do is so unnecessary. Opposite of Kai. Um, fall for Adam? Eishhdhe

Pierre: The one unnecessary thing he's done i removed from his canon, so let me think. Probably let Bobby continuusly get under his skin.

Carmela: I mean she's a sidestep ... I would say beating the shit out of Ortega is up there.

#aww ty for the ask #despite having no clue of my newer fandoms 💖🥺 #lizzybeth1986 #ask: malakai baines #ask: val montemer #ask: pierre lin #ask: carmela brown #meet my ocs #oc: malakai baines #oc: val montemer #oc: pierre lin #oc: carmela brown

[ampintherain]

I’m Yours:

Charlie Gillespie x Reader

Chapter VI

Y/N is Kenny Ortega’s ‘niece’ after going through a rough breakup, Kenny decides to fly her over to stay with him, will her broken heart mend?

(Female Reader, NO SMUT, Romance, Friendship, THIS IS MY FIRST EVER FANFIC/IMAGINE, I hope it’s good, Kenny is lifelong family friend so reader calls him Uncle Kenny. I’m British so the writing is going to be British so like ‘mum’ not ‘mom’ yanno?)

Warnings: swearing mostly

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“I don’t need to” he said, causing my heart to flutter, the things this boy does to me. 

Y/N

“Hey! you!” I heard the voice of a Canadian from behind me, I turned around and saw the smiling face of Charlie coming towards me, his torso lowered as he ran towards me with his arms open, I raised my eyebrow at his antics before I was lifted in the air and spinning around, I squealed at the sudden change and lightly tapped Charlie’s shoulder to put me down,

“Let go of me you weirdo” I laughed before Charlie let my feet hit the ground, he stared down at me with a cheesy grin plastered on his face, I rolled my eyes playfully and pushed Charlie towards the trailer, “you, Charles, have to get ready. Busy day today” I smiled, just as I opened up the door to costumes and pushing Charlie lightly,

“Okay beautiful, okay” he said, laughing at me as he closed the door behind him, I blushed at his kind words and turned around to see Madison and Jadah smiling at me,

“Girl, he totally likes you” Jadah stated just as I came up to them, I scoffed playfully and laughed at the statement, “he does! Everyone can see it but you” Madison nodded in agreement, pulling my arm and linking hers with mine, Jadah doing the same.

“He’s always around you Y/n, he always needs you nearby” Madison smiled, “it’s cute, it’s like he always wants to check up on you” she continued to tease, I rolled my eyes at the girl,

“You’re so funny” I drawled out sarcastically, walking with the girls to set, as we walked the girls continued to list the things that ‘obviously show’ that Charlie is ‘in love’ with me,

“He steals glances at you every single chance he gets. He is with you every single time we’re on a break” Jadah started, Madison nodding in agreement, I groaned, the list also contained this:

-I am the first person he goes to every single morning before shooting.

-He watches my Instagram and Snapchat stories repeatedly

-He has my post notifications on

-Madi and Jadah hear Owen and Jeremy tease him about me every day

-Charlie always fixes his hair and clothes every time I’m nearby

-He calls me and only me, beautiful, gorgeous, lovie.

“And and AND! Miss L/n, did you know that every time we’re in a scene and Kenny yells cut, the first thing Charlie does it come up to us and asks if you thought he looked good in the scene, or if you were impressed with his acting or if you thought-“

“Okay okay!” I sighed, cutting Madi off, “oh look, there’s Sav, I’m gonna go. See you guys later” I unlinked my arms with the two girls and ran over to Sav, calling her name,

“Oh hey sweetie” Sav smiled as she wrapped her arms around me, “oh look, there’s lover boy” she whispered in my ear before turning me around by my shoulders, I smiled as Charlie wandered over to us dressed as Luke,

“Ew what do you want Stink” I joked, as Charlie wandered over to us dressed as Luke, smiling,

“You” he answered simply, causing my heart to do a flip, I can’t seriously be falling for a guy this soon, really? I thought to myself, it’s not possible. I shouldn’t. Charlie quickly eased my thoughts as he engulfed me in a tight hug, “I want you” he whispered just within ear shot, “to stop calling me Stink” he pushed me away before running off to set towards Madi, Jeremy and Owen.

I watched as everyone started the scene, and since the girls had mentioned their list, that was all I could really think about. It was like my senses had heightened and I noticed everything that Charlie did. He really did steal glances at me, he really did adjust himself whenever he thought I was looking.

“Right guys, cut. 2 minute break, I’m just gonna check on the scene and see if there’s any adjustments needed for the scene” Uncle Kenny announced, and that was when I saw Charlie pull Jeremy and Owen to the side, they huddled together, I tilted my head to the side and saw Charlie look back over to me, I scrunched my nose at him playfully before beckoning him over, Charlie suddenly went wide eyed and ran his hands over his jeans, he bounced on his feet slightly before heading over to me,

“Uh hey, wassup?” Charlie asked, almost nervously, I smiled up at him and took a hold of his hand, his nerves eased slightly,

“Hey, you were really good” I assured, tugging lightly on his hand and smiling up at him, “you’re little grumpy face is so cute” I complimented honestly. I watched as the nerves washed away and Charlie beamed down at me, my hand still in his as I felt his thumb run lightly over mine.

“Really?” He questioned, I nodded enthusiastically and continued to smile at the sweet boy in front of me, he bounced on his feet and swung our hands slightly, “Thanks Lovie” he smiled,

“You’re most welcome” I replied, he booped me on the nose, causing me to scrunch my nose slightly,

“You’re cute” he tilted his head to the side, staring down at me with his gorgeous eyes, I could feel a blush slowly creep up on to my cheeks, I averted my gaze,

“You’re so silly” I laugh at him, trying to cover up the effect his words had on me, he smirks down at me and turns to look at the set behind him,

“I should get back, are you still gonna be here when I’m done?” He questioned, I looked at Charlie with an ‘are you serious’ look,

“Seriously Charles? Of course I am, I have to wait for Uncle Kenny” I laughed, he slowly nodded, mumbling ‘right’ repeatedly before chuckling and letting go of my hand and running over to the set.

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“Hey” I heard a voice speak from above me, I looked up to see Marcus, one of the cast assistants smiling at me, “can I join you?” He questioned, pointing towards the seat in front of me,

“Oh sure Marcus, of course” I smiled slightly before looking back over to the set, watching my friends do what they did best, I glanced back over to Marcus to see him staring at me whilst drinking from his water bottle, “you okay?” I questioned cautiously, becoming slightly concerned at his prolonged eye contact,

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just admiring your beauty” he winked at me, Marcus was around my age so it wasn’t weird, and it wasn’t like he was unattractive, in fact, he was the exact opposite. He had these piercing green eyes, floppy chocolate brown hair styled down the middle like Leo Dicaprio in Titanic, his nails were painted black, his face was dotted with freckles and he had a small nose ring... however, it still made me feel uncomfortable and I couldn’t really explain why.

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Charlie

I glanced over to check up on Y/n, like I do every single day, I couldn’t stand not being near her, I hadn’t even known her that long and it was like she consumed every thought.

“Who’s that?” I questioned, tapping Jeremy on the shoulder lightly, pointing slightly over to Y/n sat facing some guy, they were chatting and I could tell that Y/n wasn’t feeling too comfortable by the way her laugh wasn’t as joyful as it usually is, and how she was shuffling in her seat.

“Oh, that’s Marcus, he’s Tori and Sacha’s cast assistant” Jeremy explained, “he’s like 21” he continued, I nodded and overheard Kenny call for a 30 minute break, that was enough for me to put on the blinkers and make my way over to Y/n.

I wrapped my arms around her from behind, my arms draping over her shoulders as I rested my chin lightly on the top of her head, I felt Y/n jump slightly as the sudden contact of my arms on her, she tensed slightly before I watched her glance down at the bracelets donning my wrists, her body lost all its tension and she traced her soft fingers over my exposed skin on my arms “Hey Lovie, we’re on a break for a half hour, wanna come grab lunch with me?” I asked, Y/n looked up at me and then over to Marcus,

“Uh yeah, you two go. Um it was nice talking to you” Marcus mumbled, getting up from his seat “I needed to get back to work anyway” he laughed shortly before heading over to Sacha’s trailer, Y/n stood up and smiled at me,

“Thank you... I was feeling kinda awkward” she giggled slightly, I tilted my head slightly as a signal for her to explain, I knew it was something more than what she was letting on, “my ex, he um dressed and looked similar to Marcus, kinda made me feel weird” she explained simply, I tugged her arm lightly and brought her into my arms, rubbing my hand up and down her back, I could feel her body shake slightly as small and quiet sobs left her body,

“Hey, hey” I whispered quietly, resting my chin atop her head once again, “he isn’t worth these tears beautiful girl, you deserve so much more” I soothed, Y/n sniffled slightly before removing her head from my chest, she wiped away her tears and looked up at me, her eyes glassy, she smiled weakly and nodded,

“I’m not even crying over him... it’s just, I don’t know...” she sighed in defeat, I waited for a few seconds before Y/n continued, “I just feel like maybe I don’t deserve to be loved, I was with him for so long and for half of it, he was with somebody else...” Y/n mumbled, fiddling with her t-shirt nervously,

“You” I began, taking her hands in mine to stop her fiddling, “my Lovie, you are more than deserving. You deserve the world and more, he just is too blind and stupid to see how amazing you are, you’re beautiful Y/n, so beautiful” I cupped her face in my hands as she looked down,

“But Quinn is everything I want to be, she’s so so beautiful, I don’t know why I thought Zac would just want me, always, y’know? Especially considering Quinn was always around... I was so stupid” Y/n sighs in defeat, I watched as she went to speak again, about to tell me more self-deprecating words but before she could I cut her off.

“Nope, don’t say anything else misses, I don’t want to hear you put yourself down anymore okay?” I stated as I took her hand and began to walk with her to catering, I walked slowly just in case, I didn’t want anyone in catering to hear this sensitive conversation with Y/n “Look Y/n, you’re incredible, I’ve never met this Quinn but I can guarantee you that your beauty goes above and beyond what Quinn has. Not only physically but your personality is the most beautiful thing. Zac was stupid to let you go but he’s done the rest of the world a favour because now us single guys have a chance at having you.” Y/n blushed slightly at my words before laughing and shaking her head,

“That’s not true” she stated, dropping her head, she continued to walk as I stopped in place, I pulled her back lightly, “it’s not Charlie...” she continued

“It’s one of the truest things I’ve ever said, look Y/n, you’re perfect, absolutely perfect, I have never met anyone as beautiful as you and I doubt that I ever would. Zac truly is the biggest doofus” Y/n giggled at my use of words, “he is! He’s an idiot for letting you go Angel, he truly has done the single guys a favour because we are always searching for a girl like you. A girl with a kind smile, joyful laugh, twinkling eyes. You are everything that anyone would want” Y/n looked up at me through her eyelashes as a tear slipped out, I quickly caught it with my thumb, wiping it away.

“Really?” Her voice cracked, half smiling up at me, “you really mean that?” I nodded happily,

“I really really mean that” I assured, “come on now Lovie, let’s go get some food” I changed the subject quickly in order to make Y/n feel a bit lighter in mood, I bent down and tapped my back,

“What are you doing?” She laughed.

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Y/N

“Get on” Charlie whined, I rolled my eyes and jumped on Charlie’s back, he adjusted my comfortably before walking further towards catering,

“So what’re we having this time?” I questioned, Charlie shrugged, “how about waffles with peanut butter, bananas and maple syrup?”

“Oh definitely! That sounds like the best, I’m gonna have some pringles with mine though” Charlie said as he placed me back down on the floor, we walked together through the catering hall before grabbing our food,

“Your obsession with putting pringles on things is disgusting” I joked, rolling my eyes. We both sat down at a table with Owen, Jeremy, Madison and Savannah. Jadah was still grabbing food with Sacha and Tori.

“Look at this Charlie, look, Y/n knows how far to go- this waffle looks amazing” Owen said, pointing down at my waffle, “I bet you it will taste great” I nodded and offered Owen a bite, he accepted happily and nodded approvingly, “see? Yep. Amazing... but this! This travesty in front of you. Too far” I laugh at Owen’s dramatics and continued to eat my waffle,

“Don’t knock it unless you try it O, this is amazing” Charlie said as he squashed the Pringles in his waffle and took a bite, i scrunched my face in disgust as Charlie munched happily.

“Nope... I’m with Owen on this one. It’s gross” I said,

“Charlie, you’re nasty” Madi joked, causing the table to laugh, “you need to be checked” she continued, Charlie rolled his eyes and continued to eat his concoction happily.

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“Hey Y/n/n” I heard Charlie call at the end of the day as I was walking towards my Uncle Kenny, I stopped in my tracks and turned around, smiling up at the bouncing boy,

“Hey Bub” I smiled, the new nickname causing Charlie to blush slightly and smile at me, “what’s up?” I questioned, Charlie began to shuffle on his feet nervously, “hey... Charlie... talk to me” I assured soothingly, Charlie took a deep breath and nodded

“Okay, so” he began, looking everywhere but me, “Iwaswonderingifmaybeyoupossiblywantedtogoutwithmetonightmaybe” Charlie said quickly, so quickly that I couldn’t pick up what he was trying to say,

“Huh?” I asked, tilting my head, “I didn’t catch a word of that Charlie” Charlie took another deep breath and finally brought his gaze to me, keeping eye contact, I watched as his pupils dilated causing me to tilt my head in confusion,

“Okay okay... right” Charlie mumbled, still looking at me, “I was wondering” he began as he fiddled with his fingers, I reached over and took a hold of his hand smiling, his nerves quickly dispersed as his eyes searched my face, “I was wondering if maybe... you would wanted to go out with me tonight...? It’s fine if you don’t want to, I get it like you’ve just gotten out of a relationship and you’re still hurting, I get it but” Charlie rambled, I giggled at his adorable state and shook my head,

“Charlie, I would love to go out with you tonight” I smiled, Charlie looked up at me and scrunched his eyebrows together,

“Really?” He asked, “you really want to?” I nodded and swung our hands together,

“I really really want to” I went up on to my toes and planted a light kiss to Charlie’s cheek,

“O-okay, right. I’ll pick you up at 8?” He questioned, I suddenly was glad that today was a half day shoot, it gave me enough time to prepare and possibly go shopping to get a new outfit,

“8 sounds perfect” I smiled, Charlie nodded and jumped lightly on his feet before pulling me in for a hug, leaving a light kiss on top of my head and suddenly running off to his trailer, waving goodbye to me.

“I told you he liked you!” Madi yelled from behind me, I span on my heels and half smiled at Savannah, Jadah and Madison all huddled together smiling widely at me,

“Okay okay” I gave in, “you three are geniuses, but can you please help me out? I have no idea what to wear...”

“Oh my god, shopping?” Savannah questioned, Tori came up from behind me, wrapping an arm over my shoulders,

“Hey girl,” Tori smiled, “I heard shopping” she joked, “what’s the occasion?”

“Well our lovely Y/n has got herself a date...” Jadah trailed off before rushing over to me along with Sav and Madi, they all cuddled me in and squealed with excitement,

“Wait wait... with who?” Tori questioned excitedly, “is he cute? Do we know him?” She continued, we all pulled away from our hug just as Charlie walked past with Owen and Jeremy, he glanced over at the small huddle of girls and smiled at me, my lips pursed in pursuit of trying to hide my smile as I glanced down at the floor, “no way! I knew it!” Tori whisper-yelled.

“Okay I get it, you all told me so” I laugh, “now can you please help me!” I begged, tugging on Tori’s arm, the girls laughed and nodded, I pulled out my phone and sent a text to Kenny telling him the situation and he quickly replied saying it was all okay and that he was going out for the evening with Mr Reyes anyway.

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“Okay so we’ve settled on this dress right? Have you got anything to wear with it?” Savannah questioned as she held up a burnt orange dress, I nodded,

“I just don’t have any shoes” I admitted, the four girls in front of me nodded, Madi took a sip from her smoothie before pointing over to a shop,

“Why don’t we try over there?” She asked once she had taken a sip of her drink,

“Yeah why not, let’s go” Jadah agreed, I quickly ran over to the counter with the dress for the date alongside some other clothes that I just wanted to buy because sometimes I just couldn’t help myself before going back over to the girls, Jadah took me by my hand and walking with me and the rest of the girls to the shop Madi had suggested. We looked throughout the shop, each girl picking up shoes and showing them to me for my approval.

By the end of the 3 hour shopping trip, each girl had bags upon bags of clothes, accessories, shoes and anything else that they wanted to buy, me included. “Well I’d say that was successful” Savannah commented, causing us all to erupt in short laughter, “it was fun having a girls day! We need to do it again” she continued,

“Oh for sure, this whole thing was very therapeutic” Tori agreed we continued to walk further towards a the parking lot before we all went our separate ways, Mr Reyes was picking up Jadah and Madison, Tori was driving Savannah back home and Uncle Kenny was picking me up.

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Charlie

“Owen! I haven’t even planned out this date properly, it kinda happened in the spur of the moment. Where do I take her?” I ranted as I paced through the living room,

“Charlie... I don’t think that Y/n is going to be the kind of girl that really cares about where you take her, I also think she’s the kinda girl who would want a date that isn’t classed as ‘basic’ you get what I mean?” Owen said in an attempt to calm me down,

“Okay okay... so what do I do? I’ll pick her up at 8 and then I could take her to a small diner in Vancouver and then we could go to a viewing point maybe? Dude I don’t know” I stressed, tugging at my hair,

“Charlie... that’s the best idea, that will work perfectly okay? Do that, I’m sure she’ll love it” Owen said, I nodded and huffed, still stressed out. “You really like her don’t you?” He questioned, I sighed and sat down next to my best friend,

“Yeah man... She’s had me since day one, I’ve been hooked. She’s just beautiful, she’s so perfect. She’s kind and caring and funny... I just want to show her what it’s like to be truly loved because Zac, her ex, treated her like shit” I explained, looking over at the clock on the wall,

“You better start getting ready dude” Owen spoke my inner thoughts as he patted my back and pushed me upwards off the couch, I nodded and walked over to my bathroom to start getting ready.

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Y/N

“You nervous Star?” Kenny asked as we entered the apartment,

“Can you tell?” I questioned back, he nodded slightly, “It’s been so long since I’ve been asked on a date, I hardly ever went on dates with Zac. I think in the entirety of our relationship, we went on like 7 dates” I explained, Kenny took me into his side and patted my head lightly,

“Well I know my Charlie, he’s going to give you the best date of your life okay? No need to be nervous, just think of it as two friends going out, everything will be fine okay?” Kenny assured and he swayed with me. I nodded and rested my head against his chest, “you, kiddo, need to start getting ready” he said as he lightly patted my upper arm, I nodded and carried my bags into my bedroom.

Once I got into my bedroom, I tipped up each bag and watched the contents fall onto the bed lightly, I rummaged through the pile of clothes and shoes before pulling out the burnt orange dress and some small heeled black boots. I placed those items further up my bed before putting everything else in it’s rightful place. As soon as I had finished putting everything away I pulled out my black turtle neck top and my black socks that went up to just below my knee, I placed those items on my bed alongside the dress and boots.

I quickly hopped into the shower, washing my hair and body and shaving over any growing hairs, I stayed in the shower for around 20 minutes longer than I should’ve due to listening to my music and performing a non-existent concert. I jumped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body and rubbed my hair dry before brushing my teeth and putting on a face mask, I dried my hair with a hair dryer before curling it lightly, letting my hair flow freely once I had finished. I peeled off my face mask and wiped away any residue before applying some natural looking makeup and swiping some nude coloured lip stick across my lips, I set my makeup with some setting spray and placed some curling moose in my hair and hair sprayed it to keep the curls.

I applied some moisturiser to my body before spraying some deodorant and my favourite perfume, I stepped out of the shower and promptly got dressed, I searched for my black crossbody bag that was hidden somewhere in my wardrobe just as my phone chimed, I wandered over to my desk and picked up my phone to see the message from Charlie

>my favourite Canadian🇨🇦- Hey, I’m outside. No need to rush though okay? Come down when you’re ready Lovie ❤️

I smiled down at the text, although it was a small gesture but it was the first time he had sent me a heart and I couldn’t help but feel my heart race.

<I’ll be down in a second, just grabbing my bag ❤️

I rushed into my wardrobe and pulled out my bag before checking myself over in the mirror, Hm, I like it. I thought to myself as I twisted my body to look at the side and back of my outfit.

I rushed out of my bedroom, stuffing my keys, purse and phone in my bag, “you look beautiful Star” Uncle Kenny smiled at me,

“Thanks Uncle Kenny, I gotta go though, Charlie’s waiting for me” I said breathlessly due to the nerves kicking in again,

“Okay Munchkin, you have no need to worry or be nervous okay? Besides nerves are a good sign, it means you like him” Kenny said as he cuddled me in,

“I do like him, I really like him... I shouldn’t though should I? I mean Zac and I broke up not that long ago and I” Kenny promptly cut me off,

“You texted me 3 weeks before the break up with Zac saying that you were feeling off about the relationship, you convinced yourself it was a blip but you knew that you two were heading south. I see the way you look at Charlie and how he looks at you... and how you two look at each other. You liking him is not a bad thing okay? You can’t help what your heart feels so, you go and have fun. You got your keys?” Kenny asked, I nodded and pointed towards my bag, Uncle Kenny ushered me towards the door and waved me off as I rushed down the hall to the elevator.

“Hey” Charlie said as I left the main building, see Charlie stood outside of his car holding a sunflower, “you look beautiful... sunflowers are your favourite right?” Charlie questioned as he handed me the flower,

“Yes they are... and thank you, you look very handsome” I complimented, Charlie was wearing some brown boots, dark blue jeans with a plain white tee and brown courdory jacket. I twiddled the sunflower in my fingers, Charlie opened the passenger door for me and closed it after I had sat inside.

“You okay?” Charlie asked as he drove down the street,

“Uh yeah, just not really used to dates, I haven’t been on many” I admitted, Charlie’s jaw instagntly dropped,

“Wait... you serious?” He questioned “Zac’s such a loser man, if I was him, I’d be taking you out on dates every week” I smiled over at Charlie, “I’m serious”

“I know you are” I replied, “so where are we going?” I questioned, scrunching my nose, Charlie placed a single finger up to his lips, “it’s a secret is it?” Charlie laughed,

“Yes it is Lovie.” Charlie turned the music up and continued to drive for another 10 minutes until he pulled up into a parking lot. “We’re here” he said as he put the car into park, I unbuckled and went to open the door, “ah ah ah, what’re you doing?” He questioned,

“Opening the door...” I said obviously, Charlie tutted at me before ordering me to stay still as he hopped out of the car and opened my door for me, “oh you’re such a gentleman” I joked as I slipped out of my seat, Charlie took my hand in his instantly and intertwined our fingers- yeah Charlie and I had held hands before but never interlocked, this was another small detail that caused my heart rate to race. Charlie closed the door behind me with his spare hand as he moved our interlocked hands over my head so his arm was behind my neck, I readjusted my hand so it held his comfortably as we walked towards a cute diner that had a 50s style to it.

Charlie opened the diner door for me and walked us over to a spare booth, I slipped into the comfortable seat across from him, “this place is so cute” I smiled, looking around at the pink and dark mint green colours of the diner, I reached over and grabbed a menu and looked back up at Charlie, “what?” I questioned as I saw him staring at me,

“You’re just so beautiful” he sighed happily before he reached and took a hold of my hand again using his other to grab a menu and look through to figure out what he wanted.

“What can I get for you?” A waitress asked tapping her pad with her pencil lightly,

“Can I have the Neopolitan shake and the cheeseburger and fries please” I asked, the lady nodded and wrote down my order,

“And can I have the same but with a lemonade?” Charlie said, the waitress nodded and smiled at us before walking off and giving our orders to the chef. I looked over at Charlie as he ran his thumb over my knuckles before lifting my hand up and placing a kiss to my knuckles.

Our food came quite quickly and Charlie and I ate just as quickly, talking slightly in between. Uncle Kenny was right, it was like two friends just hanging out, however Charlie consistently added cute little moments, whether it was taking my hand in his or leaving a few kisses on each of my knuckles or dropping in compliments every now and then. Soon after we had finished, the waitress had come with the bill, “what’re you doing?” Charlie questioned as I reached into my purse,

“I’m paying for my half...” I said, Charlie shook his head and snatched my purse from my hands, “Charles!” I stated, reaching across in an attempt to get my purse back,

“Nope. No. I’m paying. I asked you out on this date, so I’m paying, the next date you can pay” Charlie said as he sent me a wink, I huffed and sat back in my seat, watching Charlie pay for our meal. “Now come on, the dates not over yet Angel” he smiled as he handed my purse back, I tilted my head in shock and slid out of the booth, Charlie tucked me into his side and we thanked our server before leaving the diner and getting back into the car.

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Charlie

I pulled up and parked my car at the viewing point before clambering out and walking over to Y/n’s side, I shook my hands in an attempt to calm my nerves “it’s okay Charlie, it’s been going well so far” I whispered to myself “everything’s fine” I continued before I opened the passenger door, I took ahold of Y/n’s hand and closed the door behind her, I brought us to the front of my car and sat on the hood, tapping the spot next to me for Y/n to sit.

“Wow” she said as she saw the lights of the city, “this is so beautiful” the girl next to me snuggled into my side voluntarily and I slowly wrapped my arm around her shoulders bringing her in closer, playing with the curled ends on her hair and that was how we stayed, sat in comfortable silence, her soft hair falling over my fingers as I twirled the curls, Y/n’s hand placed softly on my chest drawing faint pictures.

“Hey” I said quietly after 15 minutes of the comfortable silence, “are you cold?” I questioned as I felt the girl shiver in my arms,

“No no, I’m fine” she smiled and waved me off, I shrugged my jacket off regardless as I knew she was lying, I draped the jacket over her shoulders and watched as she slid her arms through the holes, wrapping the jacket around her torso tightly,

“You look good in my jacket” I said, playing with the collar before pulling her hair out of the back of the jacket that it was tucked within, Y/n blushed and lowered her head, her gaze focusing on the sleeves of my jacket, I tilted my head, this is is Charlie... I thought to myself, I sucked in a deep breath before slowly breathing out to try and calm my nerves, I lifted my hand and tilted her head up to look at me, I watched as her pupils dilated once they had focused on my face and smiled at her, “okay... I’ve been wanting to do this for weeks...” I trailed off causing the beautiful girl in front of me to become confused, her eyebrows knitting together slightly and she bit the inside of her cheek, twisting her mouth to the side.

“Do what?” She questioned, I didn’t reply, instead I cupped her face lightly in my hands and brought my face closer to hers, I felt Y/n close the gap as my eyes fluttered shut, I leant in closer and before I knew it my lips were on hers, they were softer than I ever imagined and they tasted a bit like the shake she had earlier, our lips moved in perfect harmony but before I knew it, we were both pulling away.

“Sorry... was that” I said before I was cut off by Y/n’s lips back on mine for a short but sweet kiss.

“It was perfect” she smiled, I nodded and pulled her in for one more kiss, quickly becoming addicted to the feeling it gave me.

꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂

𝑇ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑘𝑠 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 💜

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[artificialqueens]

Maybe You're My Enemy (Diamond Chaney) - Ortega

a/n: hey, hi, hello! welcome to the first canon compliant thing i have written since 2017, i am *~ petrified! ~* . i had to write something to fix these two though after the events of episode 8 because i just love them dearly (and the fact in the subsequent episode Lawrence just dropped in the fact they’d shared a bed didn’t help this at all). thank you so much to @purecamp for reading it over and reassuring me it’s not a heap of shit (so if it turns out that it is then just blame her xo). also the song it’s set to is enemy by Charli XCX in case u want to get the immersive vibes!

fic summary: On one side of Scotland, Lawrence disappears from social media. On the other, Ellie reflects.

***

They say, “Keep your friends close”

But you’re closer, I love when you’re here

I’m so far away sometimes, I’m distant, yeah

The sky is grey. The clouds are grey. The stagnant water of the quay is grey, and so’s the metal rail that Ellie’s holding on to as he narrows his eyes, tries to stop the wind from hitting them and making him tear up.

As if the wind would be the only reason.

He brings his gaze into focus on the HMS Unicorn, sat in the water in front of him like some massive whale that’s been planted in a bathtub. It’s a fucking ugly ship; a glorified tugboat on steroids with a big bowsprit sticking out at the front all out of place, but he likes the little bust of the once-white unicorn that sticks out from under it. Ellie remembers getting brought here for a school trip in Primary 3, pointing to the unicorn all excited and getting laughed at by the boys in his class that he knew were going to grow up to be the ones that gave the teachers lip and got suspended in high school.

He remembers that Bryce made up the fact that one of the boys had “said the f word” in the gift shop later that day, just so Ellie could have the satisfaction of watching them get screamed at by their teacher. Ellie still fucking loves him for that.

Ellie thinks the unicorn is out of place in all this grey. He remembers the time he did his unicorn mix when he opened for Willam, how nervous he’d been and messaging Lawrence about it and getting a “this you coming out to me as a furry?” in return which made him laugh and forget why he’d even been nervous in the first place. He can’t help the smile the memory brings to his face even if he wants to.

And he wants to.

Lawrence always could make him smile, get a laugh from him even when he didn’t feel like it. He remembers with a blow to his heart what Lawrence had said on the show- “you’re not terribly funny? Like you don’t have…zinger-y punchlines?” - and how Tia had laughed and Ellie had wanted so much to bite back but didn’t.

Because he always could draw a laugh out of Lawrence. Granted he was usually laughing at him rather than with him, but Ellie could still put a smile on his face by acting dumb, saying things that Lawrence would subsequently repeat in a screech of disbelief that would always make Ellie laugh harder anyway. He’d always self-impose ridiculous dares on himself in front of him: in Hive, “here, what if I did the entire shot rainbow?”, in Nandos, “d’you think I could do the wing roulette by myself?”, in Glasgow on the Subway on the way to a gig, “dare me to get off at Ibrox and I’ll go to the Louden Tavern dressed like this?”. Ellie had been used to being the class clown for Lawrence, the jester for the queen.

Or maybe just a fool.

Ellie’s always hated the colour grey.

You might help me, intimacy

I’ll admit, I’m scared

Maybe, maybe you can reach me, yeah

His surroundings turn to silver as he shoves his hands in his pockets, heads towards the V&A museum that’s still glinting despite the lack of sunlight. He’s stopped by two teenage girls that are polite and shy and squeaky-voiced as they ask for a photo- he supposes that’s what he gets when he goes out wearing the pink and purple fur coat with the hearts on it. Ellie forces a smile and thanks them for supporting him and they tell him he’s their favourite in return.

After they walk away he thinks they must have been lying, but then he feels the frown etch itself onto his face as he shakes his head. The self-doubt is a hangover from filming that he needs to shake off.

He squints at the museum as he walks past, fleetingly thinks about going in and looking at some of the old fashion to cheer him up. A’whora’s promised to go with him when he’s eventually allowed to come up to visit, and Ellie snorts at the idea of the fashion queen of the London scene in Dundee. The thought of A’whora’s reaction to the Wellgate shopping centre- the Credit Union, the B&M, the Jobcentre Plus- puts the first smile on his face he’s had in days.

Lawrence had gone round the museum with him too, when Ellie had dropped him off at the train station the day after a gig and they’d been killing time. It had been weird to just dick about like that together the first few times. Weird the fact there was no makeup, glue and wigs, no alcohol or gay anthems to yell over. Just two boys walking around a museum together. Like a date.

Ellie makes a face before he even realises. Not this.

The first time they did all of it together was weird. Just like everything Lawrence had written. Nandos, cinema, staying at his. That last one especially. Ellie can still remember the way he’d stared up at the bumpy ceiling from his position on Lawrence’s couch in the pitch dark, street lamps from outside casting shadows through the blinds. The room was too cold and the blanket was too small and he hadn’t slept a wink but he’d still do it all over again.

The first time they’d both lain on Lawrence’s bed the morning after the night before, cracking up at Scottish You Laugh You Lose compilations on Youtube and Ellie being unable to help the tears that streamed down his face at Lawrence imitating “big shoe, big shoeeee!”. The way they’d been close and the way their arms had touched and the way Ellie had felt ridiculous for the way his heart was hammering. Just a friend.

The first time they’d found each other under the dark lights of CCs when they’d both been through in Edinburgh to support Alice by chance. The way Ellie’s heart had lit up like a firework when he saw him. The way they’d laced their fingers together without even having to ask permission first, the way everything just seemed to be as simple as tequila rose shots and pink lights and leaning against the wall as they smoked outside.

The way everything else had just happened so easily.

Ellie squeezes his eyes shut before he can realise what he’s doing. The memories have forced their way in, kicked down a door in his head that he’d been sure he’d bolted shut.

He needs to change the locks.

Maybe you’re my enemy

Now I’ve finally let you come a little close to me,

Maybe you’re my enemy

You’re the only one who knows the way I’m really feelin’

Ellie is in the same Stitch onesie he’s been shrugging on since the last episode aired. It stinks. He’s joked to A'whora that he can probably smell him through the phone, and A'whora’s asked if he just sweats out Mango Loco Monster. Ellie makes some joke about wringing out his clothes into a pint glass if he did, which makes A'whora retch on camera.

He’s glad they made up at least. They didn’t have too much of a choice, to be fair. Apart from the way they get on so well, their bond and their friendship, A'whora’s the only other one who knows what it’s like to be in Ellie’s situation.

Except A'whora never stabbed Tayce in the back.

“You should talk to him,” A'whora insists, bringing the whole sorry situation up in a pause where Ellie must have looked as if he was about to make a vodka bleach mixer.

Ellie looks pointedly back at him through the screen. “I’ve been telling you to talk to Tayce for months.”

He watches A'whora pull an awkward face and he’s satisfied he’s hit a nerve. “That’s different though. You and Lawrence don’t live together.”

“Yeah. Least I wasn’t stupid enough to move in with someone I fancied, how’s that going for you?”

A'whora splutters a laugh that doesn’t quite meet his eyes. Ellie feels guilty all over again. He feels like that’s his default these days. “Sorry, chick, I shouldn’t have-”

“No, I mean. It’s fine. Just have to act as if I’m not in love with the bitch every time I’m around her, it’s not hard,” A'whora deadpans.

Ellie frowns. “You know Tayce feels the same. Everyone knows it.”

“No I don’t,” A'whora says instantly back to him, shaking his head and dissolving momentarily into pixels. “Besides, even if she did, like…it’s easier if she didn’t, y'know? All this…publicity, every move getting analysed. It’s easier to just…not.”

Ellie narrows his eyes. “You’re doing a smashing job making the case for me and Lawrence.”

“You know what I mean! You don’t get people asking where Lawrence is in every live you do. You don’t get people going through the show fucking…frame by frame and then editing every time you breathe around each other together and setting it to a bloody Little Mix song.”

Ellie bursts out laughing and starts singing Black Magic down the phone to him, which makes A'whora look pointedly at him before clearly being unable to hold it for long and instead laughing with him.

Both their laughter dies down and Ellie watches as A'whora smiles sadly, sincerely. “He’s worth the risk, Els.”

“Oh my God, prison. Who the fuck are you, Nicholas Sparks?”

The reference flies over A'whora's head and Ellie starts explaining the plot of the A Walk to Remember, steering the conversation out of the waters it had become marooned in, the captain of his very own HMS Unicorn.

He feels more like he’s aboard the Titanic with every message that goes unread.

Now it’s really clear to me

You could do a little damage, you could cut me deeper

“It didn’t get you a badge though, was it worth it?”

Ellie’s asked himself that every day since the episode aired. Since he made the decision, pretty much. Financially? Yes it was. It’s pretty well-known at this point in the grand scheme of Drag Race that with each week you’re on the likelihood of securing more bookings is increased, and now with his slot at Drag Fest he feels as if he’s hit the jackpot.

Everything else? Not so much.

Ellie still feels his stomach drop if he thinks enough about that untucked, which he does all the time. Too much, in fact. The aggression in Lawrence’s voice which Ellie knew all too well was a manifestation of hurt on so many levels. The way Lawrence chose the conflict that Ellie wished he could have avoided. The way Lawrence left his feelings bare while Ellie couldn’t trust himself to do the same in case he said something he might regret.

The fact Lawrence had thought Ellie had set him up to fail was maybe what hurt the most, though. Ellie had wanted to ask him how he thought he’d be able to do that after everything they’d been through together. He’d tried to tell him he didn’t think it was possible for him to fail at something he shines at. He’d wanted to grab Lawrence’s pink fucking headpiece and bash him over the head with it until he realised that he’s Lawrence fucking Chaney, he is the Scottish drag queen. Lawrence is the one who will say something at a gig one week and it’ll be common drag parlance across the country by the next. Lawrence is the one getting booked by the BBC Social to make educational videos. Lawrence is the one on posters across Glasgow, for fuck’s sake.

Ellie might not have been thinking about the worst case scenario in that moment, but only because he genuinely didn’t think there could be one.

After all, he’d had his opportunity to sabotage Lawrence. Ellie remembers the first day when the producers had wanted to set up the Scottish queen rivalry, asked for something shady they could use as a soundbite. The way he’d sought out Lawrence on a smoke break and told him about the situation and reassured him that he hadn’t given them anything, and the way Lawrence had just smiled back at him, softly and genuinely, and told Ellie he’d done the same. The way they’d minutely linked pinkies together before breaking them and walking back inside as if they’d barely shared so much as a glance, neither of them wanting to draw any suspicion their way.

And he could’ve been harsher in that untucked if he’d wanted. Could’ve said how for someone that was meant to care so much about friendship and sisterhood, Lawrence had been doing a great job shitting on him from a great height about his lack of challenge wins and his run on the show.  

But he didn’t, because…well. He knows why.

Because the knowledge that he’d hurt Lawrence and lost his trust had done more damage than any joke Lawrence made at his expense could ever do.

Ellie goes live on the Tuesday afternoon. A comment on the chat reads, “are u A’whora and Lawrence still friends???”

“Yeah, me and A’whora are still friends!” Ellie bats the comment away with a fake smile.

He’ll blame his lack of comprehension skills if he’s asked about it.

I feel guilty, I feel nervous, I feel certain now

Maybe, maybe you can reach me

He doesn’t know what possesses him to do it.

Maybe it’s when he wakes up on Friday and Lawrence’s Twitter isn’t loading. Maybe it’s when he reads the other Scottish girls condemning the fans, the word fatphobia leaping out, grabbing Ellie’s heart and wrenching it tight.

Surely not this?

Ellie searches Twitter and what he finds makes him feel ill. He doesn’t know what he had expected- he’d known the frantic tweet urging the fans to be kind that he’d typed out before he went to sleep hadn’t exactly been going to create world peace overnight- but he hadn’t expected any of this. Everyone loves Lawrence, surely.

Although perhaps he’s just talking from experience.

Maybe it’s when he shoots Lawrence a message that goes unopened. In all honesty Ellie doesn’t blame him. A flimsy sentiment about hoping he’s okay that clocks in at under 250 characters isn’t going to cut it, and he’s grateful when Bimini, with all their empathy and ability to read a situation as clear as day, texts him and tells him that Lawrence has replied to them and he’s…well, he’s managing.

Maybe it’s when Ellie goes live with A’whora and he manages to mention Lawrence entirely too many times. A cry for attention or an old habit that’s dying hard? He can’t tell. Perhaps it’s both.

It’s definitely got something to do with the Facebook post.

Whatever it is, Ellie finds himself stuffing any old random items of clothing in a backpack and hoping it makes an outfit, shoving the spare key into the soil of the plant pot outside his front door and texting Anne to tell her where it is in case…fuck knows, the flat goes on fire while he’s away or something. He looks up the train times as he’s on his way to the station; a terrible decision, really, as when he’s still fifteen minutes away he discovers there’s one in ten. Somehow he manages to make it to the station with just a minute to spare and his heart lifts to find that the ticket barriers are open, so he dashes through them and hurtles onto the train that’s waiting at the platform. He catches his breath as he slumps into a table seat, having to take his mask off for a couple of seconds just so he can breathe properly. The way his heart is going at the rate the train’s about to isn’t helping.

The chimes of the train announcement cut through his attempts at slowing his heart down, and the little robotic woman’s voice confirms that his ridiculous, spur-of-the-moment decision is actually happening.

“This is Dundee. This train is for Glasgow Queen Street.”

Because this is all so last minute, but he needs to see Lawrence. He’s apologised probably ten times by now but he knows he needs to make it eleven. He knows (he hopes) that Lawrence needs that eleventh time too. He knows that Lawrence needs Ellie’s persistence, knows that it’s all just an attempt at self-preservation. Lawrence’s attempts at shutting Ellie out are just inviting him to bring a battering ram. At least, he hopes. But like A’whora had said…he’s worth the risk.

The train starts moving, and even if he wanted to back out now he couldn’t.

So cold at the surface, I’m scared of nothin’

Underneath, I’m nervous

Can you reach me?  

Ellie waits for the subway at Buchanan Street and his glazed-over eyes focus on a massive poster of Lawrence on the platform opposite. He briefly considers throwing himself under the next train.

The journey down had passed somehow in the blink of an eye and also agonisingly slowly. Too much time to sit and stare out of the window but not enough time to figure out what he’s going to say. He still doesn’t know. He’d said it all those months ago, he’s said it through texts and DMs. This time feels different, though. This time is different. This time there’s no cameras or runners or pink tables, or distance between them or tension at the fact nothing had aired yet.

It’s going to be the pair of them and Lawrence’s flat. Just like it’s been so many times before.

Ellie thinks he’ll probably just open his mouth, say whatever gets there first and hope it hits the right notes; a terrible decision arrived upon as a result of the lack of any other option. His mind is a messed up ball of television static, a knotted yarn of white noise that he can’t find the end of. He feels as if it’s made of the noise the train makes as it screams into the station, metal on metal and the low whoosh of the wind through the tunnel and the rickety shaking of the doors as they slide open and people stream off.

He picks up his bag and sinks down into the horrifically patterned upholstery of the seats, settling himself in for the journey. The little metal tin can of a train doesn’t take long to fire through the seven stops before Govan and with each one that passes Ellie can feel his nerves spiking and his mouth growing dry.

What if Lawrence isn’t even in? What if it’s all got too much and he’s gone back to Helensburgh for the foreseeable? Ellie could get a train up there, he supposes; he’s already on this side of the country, although he doesn’t know if Lawrence would appreciate the gesture or call the police on him.

Ellie concludes it would be worth it anyway.

He emerges from the Subway and the grey seems to hit him all over again, seeping into his clothes and forcing him to fight through the sadness that hits him like a wave. There’s a little beam of sunshine fighting to escape the clouds though, and Ellie hopes it’s some form of pathetic fallacy. Or whatever that one about the weather matching your feelings was. Fucked if he ever paid attention in Nat 5 English.

The streets of red brick tenements feel like pens of hostility as he passes windows that serve as frames for Union Jacks and Red Hand of Ulster flags. Even being raised in a Christian household doesn’t equip him to identify with this form of religion; where the disciples are football players and the gods are flags and the hymns are about killing Catholics. Ellie has always worried about Lawrence living here, told him as much, but he’s always been met with a bark of a laugh back and some comment about how he’s only saying that because he’s lived such a sheltered little life in Dundee and wouldn’t last five minutes trying to inhabit Glasgow and all its cheerful sectarianism. Lawrence has always had a very blythe attitude to the whole thing, and Ellie remembers when he’d held his hand on the way back from the Subway in full drag after a gig like it was nothing, the way some dick in an orange and blue scarf had shouted at them from across the street and Lawrence had just yelled back with an “awrite, babes?” as if he had a death wish.

Which is what makes this whole thing so grim. The Lawrence who drunkenly and sarcastically greets bigots at three in the morning from across the street doesn’t marry up with the Lawrence that’s holed up in his flat in the face of negativity. Ellie supposes that one homophobic Rangers fan is one homophobic Rangers fan, but Twitter can seem like the whole world’s population, and if Lawrence thinks the world hates him just because he’s reacted to something that was Ellie’s fault…

He feels his gut wrench.

Ellie turns into Lawrence’s street and feels ill. He could always go home. Turn and walk back to the Subway, train back to Queen Street, back to Dundee, back to the flat. Like nothing had ever happened. Like he hadn’t even consciously made the decision, like it was all a dream.

He sleepwalks to Lawrence’s close door anyway, just like he knew he would.

His hand shakes as he presses the buzzer too hard, and the panic rises in his throat as the seconds pass agonisingly slowly. When there’s a crackle from the intercom, he freezes in fear.

“Hello?”

It’s Kiko’s voice. Of course his flatmate had to be the one to answer, drag out the humiliation of the whole thing. Ellie can hear the shake to his voice as he replies.

“Hey, it’s Ellie.”

“…Ellie?”

He chooses to ignore the disbelief, acts as if it’s normal for him to have travelled across the country to turn up on Lawrence’s doorstep in the middle of a pandemic when there’s a travel ban in place. He’s considering this essential travel anyway.

“Is Lawrence in at all?”

Kiko, for her part, seems to pick up on the way the whole visit is masquerading as routine. In the split second before she replies, Ellie finds himself holding his breath. He steels himself, prepares for a “no, he’s actually…”, to send him back to Dundee like a crumpled sheet of paper tossed into a bin.

So Ellie feels like his throat’s going to close up when Kiko replies down the intercom. “Yeah, two secs. I’ll buzz you up.”

The dread settles in his gut like a weight as the buzzer rings out into the street, harsh and loud and doing nothing for Ellie’s derailed train of thought. He pushes on the door, takes his first step into the close and the echo seems to hit him deep in his chest. He finds himself wishing Lawrence lives four up but he’s only on the first floor, and as Ellie puts his foot on the first step of the staircase he keeps his eyes trained on the stairs because he knows the moment he looks up he’s going to see somebody standing there holding the door open and even though he’s had hours to prepare himself, weeks even, he’s not ready for that in the slightest.

And when he finally brings his gaze onto the front door with four steps to go, he’s not ready for the way the sight of Lawrence almost knocks him straight back down again. He’s slumped against the doorframe and has very clearly not slept- since when, Ellie couldn’t guess. A black hoodie is swamping him and a pair of navy sweatpants are doing the same, making him seem smaller than he already is. The sight of his hair up in that tiny bun hurts Ellie’s heart because it makes him want to smile, reminds him of the Lawrence he’d dick about in the workroom and the smoking area and the hotel corridors with before it all went so wrong. His arms are folded and he’s looking at the tiles on the landing floor until Ellie reaches the doorway, shifts awkwardly.

“Hi.”

Lawrence doesn’t quite meet his eyes. It’s a minute detail that hurts Ellie more than he would have expected. He doesn’t reply for a second, then seems to relent. “Hey.”

Another pause. The atmosphere makes Ellie wish he’d worn a thicker jacket.

“You’re not meant to be here, you know. Wee Nicky’s probably had snipers trained on you since you got off the train,” Lawrence says, delivering the quip with a bitter, barbed edge that makes Ellie think it’s less of a joke and more wishful thinking.

“Wouldn’t be any less than I deserve, I’m sure,” Ellie smiles sadly, unable to make it meet his eyes. Lawrence’s expression remains unimpressed.

“So why are you here, then,” he not so much as demands an answer but disinterestedly inquires. Ellie bites his bottom lip before he replies, as if he’s forcing himself to make sure his words are perfect.

“I just came down because…well, I wanted to see how you were. I know the past week must have been shit for you.”

Lawrence raises his eyebrows, his eyes growing wide as if to really drive home to Ellie how much of an understatement he already knows he’s made. “Yeah.”

Ellie sighs, wanting desperately to get the next part right. “And I felt like I needed to say I’m sorry. Y’know, in front of you.”

“You said sorry back when we filmed. We’re over it, it’s fine,” Lawrence says flatly, conveying that everything is not fine.

“It’s not fine, though. I wouldn’t have come down if it was fine. Things haven’t been fine since that day, and like…I miss you, Lawrence, I don’t want to lose you as a friend, or as a sister, or as…” Ellie stumbles, looking to the floor as he tries to articulate the other facet of their relationship. “…whatever else we are. Whatever else we were. I’m sorry for fucking everything up.”

There’s a silence in which the pair of them freeze and hold their breath. Time could very well be standing still for all Ellie knows. He immediately regrets bringing up all of…that. He should’ve kept it to friendship, shouldn’t have added anything on. Before he can overthink any more or begin to backtrack, a small sigh from Lawrence makes him look up.

“I thought you hated me,” he says. His voice is small and the words are unexpected. There’s so much Ellie could say in response. He settles on a joke.

“No, I think you’re a cunt. There’s a difference,” Ellie smiles tightly, the joke tentative. The snort it gets from Lawrence makes his smile grow without him being able to help it. “Was that a good one? Thought I was the unfunniest person on the planet?”

“We weren’t talking about your Bake Off improv,” Lawrence raises his eyebrows as he smirks, and Ellie fakes a wounded laugh.

“Shady cow.”

“I’m sorry,” Lawrence says out of nowhere, his smile gone all of a sudden.

Ellie tries to drag the joke out a little longer, hold onto the sparks they’ve just created. “Nah, it was shit, you’re right.”

“No, Ellie…” Lawrence shakes his head, worrying his lip between his teeth a little. “I am sorry.”

Ellie feels the panic wash over him when he clocks the glisten in his eyes. “It’s fine, girl.”

“It’s not fine. I was a dick to you so many times, no fuckin’ wonder I thought you’d set me up. I would too if I had somebody talking down to me like I did to you,” Lawrence says gravely. His gaze is fixed on his floor and just as Ellie is about to speak he catches sight of two tears that fall onto the red carpet, the darkness akin to blood. His horror grows as Lawrence finally snaps his head up, tears shining in his eyes as he sighs helplessly in a shaky voice. “You’re amazing, Ellie, you’re such a talent, and…fuck, I missed you.”

His words mean more to him that Ellie had expected them to. He doesn’t want to let that show, though, because that’s too much, that means too much for the situation just now and he can deal with that realisation at a later date. For now, Ellie points at him in mock-accusation. “Hey listen, I’m the one that got the train down to come and make a big speech to you and say sorry. Buy your own damn train ticket for that.”

Lawrence’s voice is thick with tears as he lets out a short laugh. “Sorry.”

“Wee bitch. Always have to make everything about you,” Ellie rolls his eyes, getting another teary laugh out of Lawrence and raising his hopes that maybe they’ll be okay.

And then the banks break and Lawrence makes a little choked-up noise, a sob that’s not fully a sob. His eyes meet Ellie’s and they’re full of so much sadness and regret that just looking at them creates a crack in Ellie’s heart, one that matches the crack in Lawrence’s voice as he speaks again.

“This has all been shit to do without you.”

Ellie doesn’t think before opening his arms out, shaking his head affectionately. “Don’t be silly. C’mere.”

When Lawrence immediately opens out his own and they meet each other in the middle and hug tightly, Ellie feels like a balloon that’s been let go and is floating up to the sky.

The clouds aren’t grey.

The way they’re holding each other brings back too many memories. Seeing each other at gigs and feeling butterflies take hold of his stomach. Coming off stage after a number and conveying his pride in him without even having to say a word. Saying goodbye at train stations with disappointment lodging itself in his heart. All the nostalgia makes Ellie want to cry, but he can’t start now. Instead, he breaths a shaky sigh, shakes his head before he speaks.

“You’ve always had me, okay? You’ve always got me. We’ve said sorry now, that’s the end of it. Periodt,” Ellie murmurs against his shoulder, adding on his trademark at the end. The laugh he gets muffled against his chest in return makes him feel lighter.

“I’ve not showered. I definitely stink. You don’t have to keep hugging me, you know.”

“You don’t. I want to,” Ellie says back. He means it.

It’s Lawrence that slides out of the hug first but he’s still standing close as he quickly wipes away his tears, looks Ellie up and down with a smirk on his face. “So where’s your Travelodge, hen?”

Ellie’s sheepish when he makes eye contact with him again, shrugs one strap of the rucksack off before replying. “You know damn well I’ve not booked anywhere.”

“Fuckin’ hell. Right, come on,” Lawrence shakes his head affectionately, stepping back into his hallway and letting Ellie finally cross the threshold to drop his bag like an anchor in the flat. It’s the physical manifestation of the burden finally being lifted off of him, the guilt and the regret melting away in favour of the flutter of his heart and a few small sparks that he wants to put in resin. “I get to choose the film later as reparations. Don’t trust you since you made us watch Cat In The Hat.”

Ellie gives a shocked gasp, genuinely offended. “It’s good!”

“Is it fuck. In fact, just for that I’m going to make you sit through something sci-fi and geeky and you’re gonna hate it,” Lawrence smiles with genuine glee, and Ellie can’t even bring himself to be mad about it. As the pair of them walk through to the living room, Lawrence jumps onto the sofa and fixes Ellie with a look that is clearly meant to be serious but that simultaneously Lawrence can’t commit to and Ellie can’t believe. “You’re sleeping here tonight, by the way.”

Ellie raises his eyebrows as he fakes his agreement, going along with the charade Lawrence is beginning. They both know they’ll end up curled up together on the sofa with neither of them having an explanation for how it’s happened, but at the same time knowing they don’t have to explain themselves. They know that Ellie will end up falling asleep slumped against Lawrence and that he’ll have to gently shake him awake, that he’ll wordlessly offer Ellie a hand to drag him off the couch with and that they’ll go through to Lawrence’s room like always. They know that they’ll wake up tangled together like the sheets and that Ellie will be there for him, that he’ll help Lawrence piece himself back together and they’ll go back to the start. Well, maybe not the start. Perhaps somewhere better.

Ellie keeps his friends close, but Lawrence is something a little bit more. Something a little bit closer.

Baby, you’re my enemy.

#rpdr fanfiction #rpdr uk #ellie diamond #lawrence chaney #ellie x lawrence #a'whora #uk2 #canon compliant #angst #hurt/comfort #song fic #maybe you're my enemy #ortega

[shan2-d2]

As the garbage fire year of 2020 continues, I have been struggling to find something to fill the Schitt’s-Creek-sized hole in my heart.

Which, come to think of it, replaced the Parks-and-Rec-sized hole in my heart prior to that.  I’ve always been a sucker for “soft” television, but with everything going on the world, whatever tolerance I had for heavier fare has disappeared completely.  Like, yeah, I’d love to catch I May Destroy You or I’ll Be Gone in the Dark, but I just. Can’t. Handle. Them. Right now, anyway.  

I do have some old standards to fall back on-- Bob’s Burgers, The Good Place, The Great British Baking Show, and Kim’s Convenience (bless you, Canada) work just fine.  But with so much time at home, I’ve been getting antsy for new, soft, comforting content.

Then I watched Julie and the Phantoms on Netflix.

And I loved it SO. MUCH. 

(Warning, since this is a family-friendly show: profanity ahead.)

Which, I have to admit, I’m kind of embarrassed about.  Like, look: I fully own up to the fact that my tastes aren’t exactly refined or mature.  I’m one of those contemptible “childless millennials”, after all.  There are things on my Netflix and Spotify lists that would make film buffs and hipsters cry.

But what I will give myself a pat on the back for is that I’m extremely open-minded when it comes to any sort of art consumption.  My tastes are super-varied, and I don’t have the burden of worrying about what is “socially acceptable” for me to watch.  I can watch Barry and Fleabag just as happily as I can watch Sarah & Duck (literally, a show for preschoolers that works better than any anti-anxiety medication I’ve tried) and old episodes of Tiny Toon Adventures.

Regardless, there’s embarrassment. Which is not about the fact that it’s a cheesy, High-School-Musical-esque, pre-teen friendly series, actually (... okay, maybe a little), but because the aging freakout is real, my friends.  Hitting the “Oh-My-God, I’d-Have-To-Play-the-PARENT” period of your life is fucking rough.  

Basically, in the words of Roger Murtaugh... I’m too old for this shit.

But I’m trying to tell myself that 1) Generation Z is delightful and I refuse to feel guilt for appreciating them, 2) god knows we’re all watching Stranger Things without embarrassment, and those kids are, like, twelve, and 3) now that I’m apparently ANCIENT, I’m supposed to stop caring about what other people think.

So: Julie and the Phantoms made my heart grow three sizes and I loved it a whole lot.

Quick synopsis: Julie, our hero, is a performing arts school student who is grieving the death of her mom and unable to continue making/playing music because of it.  One day, three ghosts of teenage boys who were in a mid-90’s rock band show up in her garage.  They form a new band (insert title of show here) and help Julie rediscover her love of music, while she helps them navigate the afterlife.  Bonding occurs, lessons are learned, the power of friendship is discovered, you get the idea.

And okay-- at its surface, it’s family-friendly entertainment, you know? Cute story, funny moments, the music is catchy, the whole cast is super talented (and, hey, can actually play their instruments! Whaddaya know!).

But the CHARACTERS!  THE SOFTNESS! THE REPRESENTATION!  If this is how young adults are going to written from now on, sign me the fuck up.

First of all, the two female leads of the show are women of color-- Julie (Madison Reyes) is Latinx and her best friend, Flynn (Jadah Marie), is Black.  That alone is (sadly, STILL) noteworthy, but I literally wanted to stand on my couch and yell about how wonderfully self-assured, smart, mature, strong, and competent these girls are.  Julie, in particular, is just… she’s just so cool, you guys. She never once has to rely on anyone else but herself to get shit done, and she takes responsibility for her own actions.  The girl very clearly knows her talent, capabilities, and worth, and PHEW, do we need to see more young women like her on our screens!  Like, yes, the boys support her, but they’re complete equals.  Julie doesn’t need any male saviors up in this business. She’s got this.  I LOVE HER. I SOMEHOW WANT TO BE HER WHEN I GROW UP, EVEN THOUGH SHE’S LIKE HALF MY AGE (oh GOD. I’m so OLD).

In fact, throughout the series, the importance of honesty, respect, and healthy support is repeatedly emphasized.  There’s no dependency issues here, and lying of any kind is clearly forbidden.  Which I loved, because the whole “teen lying to everyone” storyline has been done to death.

Then there’s the three boys of Sunset Curve-- Luke (Charlie Gillespie), Alex (Owen Joyner), and Reggie (Jeremy Shada), i.e. the messengers of destruction for toxic masculinity.  THIS IS THE MALE FRIENDSHIP PORTRAYAL WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR, PEOPLE.  They’re so nice to each other! They’re so supportive! They’re tactile, openly emotional, and completely devoid of judgment of any interests or behaviors that don’t follow male social standards.  Bless the Age of the Soft Boys, may their reign be unbreakable and everlasting.

Oh, and Alex is openly gay.  It’s not just hinted at-- he’s out and proud, with an adorable crush/pre-relationship with a skater boy named Willie (Booboo Stewart).  And, apart from a quick mention about Alex’s parents being homophobic, the show pretty much takes the Schitt’s Creek route-- all love and acceptance, with not much of a thing made of his sexuality at all (in fact, there’s enough evidence that none of the boys are completely straight, and I’m here for that, too).

And if all of that isn’t enough of a cuddle to the heart for you, THERE’S MORE:

Julie’s supportive, soft dad

Reggie’s immediate, one-sided bond with Julie’s supportive, soft dad and her brother

Julie and Luke totally have crushes on each other and it’s SO SWEET but completely age-appropriate, good job guys

I’m a sucker for good harmonies and the band HAS ‘EM IN SPADES

Flynn being HBIC the entire series

Julie’s crush Nick being very realistically awkward and dopey in the shadow of Luke’s arms (Nick, dude, lose that HAT, I beg of you)

A surprisingly moving side-plot/song about Luke’s parents

Alex just wanting to dance, and also being a high-key feminist and calling out the others when they slip up

EVERYONE’S JUST SO FUCKING NICE, OKAY

So yeah. Shut up. It’s wonderful and pure, and I WILL TAKE ANY SOFTNESS I CAN GET IN THIS HELL YEAR, WHEREVER I CAN GET IT.

In conclusion, Kenny Ortega can have my entire soul if he wants it, for not only this but also Hocus Pocus and Newsies.

Completely Unnecessary Afterword:

Being old enough to remember 1995-- and, specifically, what was popular that year-- has brought up some important questions regarding the Sunset Curve boys:

We know they died in ‘95, but like… when? Did they get to see Empire Records, for Christ’s sake?! Did they see Casper, because, I mean, they’re basically the Devon Sawas of 2020?  Were they spared their contemporaries’ fate of constantly over-quoting Billy Madison and Tommy Boy?  

OH MY GOD, DID THEY HAVE AOL SCREEN NAMES, AND WHAT WERE THEY??

What are each of the guys’ favorite song off of Boyz II Men’s “II”? This is possibly the MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION.

Did they die before Jagged Little Pill came out?  That would kind of break my heart.  Not that I expect Julie to start portraying Alanis-levels of anger/angst, but ‘95 was a YEAR for women in rock.  Garbage, Hole, No Doubt, PJ Harvey, The Cranberries, Veruca Salt, Bjork, and countless others-- they all had massive hits that year.  I love the idea of Julie and the guys sitting around the garage listening to all of those women for inspiration.  Can we have a resurgence of female-led rock bands taking over the charts, please?

On a much more serious note, given where the AIDS crisis was in ‘95, it’s no wonder Alex is a nervous wreck. It’s not really something I expect the show to delve into, but man… getting transported to 2020 might’ve been a bit of a blessing (not that things are great now, but y’know, medical progress).

How in the world did none of them fall victim to the whole “white boys dressing hip-hop” trend back in ‘95? I mean… Clueless got it right. (Wait, did they make it to Clueless??)

#julie and the phantoms #jatp #blog #netflix #I am old

[secretly-of-course]

JATP Tag Game

I was tagged by the wonderful @localspacelesbian (making a fresh post bc reblogging the long ones stresses me out lol)

Favorite Character: Julie Molina the light of my life

Character you relate to most: Reggie. Just his whole energy and everything about him, plus I too like leather jackets

Top 3 Songs: bro this is so hard I’m gonna say Edge of Great, Wake Up, and Flying Solo

Favorite Episode: this one is hard because they blur together but I’m gonna say Flying Solo because it delivers a great song, Willex meetcute, and superb double trouble content

Most iconic lines: again this is hard to choose but I’ll try to limit myself to a few

“girls amirite?” “no ❤️”

“the Gift of Dipping” “it’s like we’re the SAME person!” “jUsT liKe”

“this is my first time haunting someone, I want it to be special” “okay Alex”

“I have been CRYING for 25 years!? HOW is the possible!?”

Best Moment: the group hug after the Orpheum makes me soft 🥺

Moment that made you cry the most: Unsaid Emily (enough said)

Moment that made you laugh the most: a lot of moments but the one coming to mind right now is Reggie and Luke’s faces watching their best friend be a gay disaster™️ in the iconic “mAgic? Willie and I?” scene

Moment that made you SQEEEE the most: probably the museum scene! (it’s about the hands)

Favorite Ship: willex owns my heart

How and why you started the show: like the day it came out I saw one (1) post on my dash that Kenny Ortega had a new project and that was enough for me lmao

Why you love the show: oh man what’s not to love? every song is a banger, the cast is all super talented, Julie’s storyline and growth is just so beautiful to watch, it’s funny, it’s insanely rewatchable, all the characters are relatable in some way, has found family, portrays superb friendships, it’s gay—what more do i need to say?

I’m tagging @jealous-kippen @fairygclds @illbeyourreasonwhy + anybody who wants to!

#tag games #jatp tag

[cheion-writes]

The Garden Flowers had always been a part of your life. Few know how it all began. . For @pearl-kite​, as part of the gift exchange! I hope I got Gale right :) Thanks everyone for participating and for creating such wholesome gifts! . . The garden was beautiful. Lush trees stood with trunks sturdy and tall, branches bent in salute to the flowers that bloomed in the comfort of its shade. There were the dark purple ones you could identify as hydrangeas, the yellow ones you knew were sunflowers, and the whites – daisies – that added a layer of peace to the otherwise colourful landscape. 

 You would watch every day, as an old lady tottered out to trim the branches and weeds. She would speak to the flowers as if they were her own, and smile at the bees and dragonflies that hopped from bloom to bloom. 

You’re unsure why that sight made you smile, just as you’re unsure what kept drawing you to that house. 

After all, it wasn’t particularly accessible (considering where you live), nor was it the first time you’ve seen flowers. And it certainly wasn’t right to spy on someone like this. 

But you couldn’t help yourself. Couldn’t help coming back to that garden; couldn’t help watching and chuckling as it grew more beautiful with time. Couldn’t help the fond spark of affection each time a tiny smile graced the lady’s cheeks whenever a new blossom caught her sight. 

 One day, you would watch as she dug the soil, fingers deft and spirit light. A light brush of her mind revealed a bubbling spark of excitement and anticipation, and you would watch as she let a handful of seeds fall into the damp soil. Weeks later, when the first hint of a leaf finally peeked out from beneath the soil, you would find your smile mirroring her own. 

The young plants grew rapidly. Their stems grew taller and stronger, their leaves fuller and greener. And when they finally broke out in full bloom, when the garden was lit up with a sea of red, you plucked up your courage to ask her a question. When no one was looking, you dropped a note onto the well-worn path, a hasty scribble upon paper of soft blue: 

What are those red flowers called? They’re beautiful. 

The next morning, you received your reply. Nestled upon the fertile soil, right at the foot of a flower of the brightest red, was cursive typography upon peach paper: 

They’re poppies :) They certainly are, aren’t they? 

That day, you left the garden with the hint of red capturing your dreams. 

While you would have loved to visit the garden as often as you wanted, it was alas not to be. 

Life was, after all, never meant to stay the same. (You would now that well too.) 

You’re no stranger to change – you never have been and never would be – and you knew that things would never go back to what they once had been. Not since you donned the black and blue suit. Not since a man who could throw lightning from his fingertips deemed fit to call you his friend. 

But sooner than you thought; faster than you had anticipated, your life becomes a whirlwind of lightning and new faces; of training and friendship and new memories. And as your responsibilities grew, your visits to the garden became less frequent. 

And one day, when you sit back and think on how far you have come, you realise that it has been more than a year.  You take off right after, mind flustered and buzzing with anticipation, feet guiding you where you know you must go. But when you finally reach the garden that once was, you realise that it is no more. 

The trees, the flowers and the poppies – they are all long gone. As is the old lady whose smile you never knew how much you’d miss.  

It is only then you realise that you’d never thought to ask her name. 

That is not the end of the story, however. 

Months pass. Your mind doesn’t let you forget, but just as things change with time, you find yourself growing fond of the man who you’ve now fought beside in countless battles. Who you’ve grown to love and trust. Who (God knows why) looks at you as if you’re somehow precious to him.  Who you can’t help but look back at with the same affection in your gaze. And it would seem that the feeling is mutual, for one day he invites you to visit his mother’s home. 

It isn’t a courtesy he grants everyone. You’re honoured that you’ve been counted amongst the select few. 

“You’d love it,” he tells you with an easy grin. “I’ve seen the poppies on your windowsill. Wait till you see my mother’s garden.” 

Little did you know how much of a surprise it would be. 

And when you first set sights upon the garden, you pause. Because the lush garden before you is covered with poppies. Rows and rows of poppies, red and yellow and purple, a painting so real and beautiful that it sends you spiralling back to the time you first arrived in Los Diablos. To a little old lady and her garden. To a beauty so intimately familiar. 

And when its owner steps out of the house, you realise why. 

The same old lady is walking towards you, the same easy smile that once captivated you bright upon her face. The same smile that Ricardo always wears. 

She doesn’t recognise you, not that you’d expect her to. 

“Hello there,” she says. “It’s nice to finally meet you.” 

And you know exactly what she’s talking about – and what she is not. 

She’s talking about you as Sidestep, as Charge’s partner, as her child’s best friend and the first person he might have truly liked in a long time. Not as the person who’d asked her about her poppies all those years ago. 

“Your poppies are beautiful,” you say. Your voice is thick in your throat. 

“They certainly are, aren’t they?” Elena Ortega echoes. Her smile so innocent and welcoming crinkles the edges of her eyes. She looks older now. Wiser now. And yet still the same lady whose garden you’d fallen in love with all those years ago. Still the same lady who smiled at the bees and dragonflies and thanked them for breathing life into her growing blooms. Whose grace you fell in love with and who you regretted never getting to know. 

It’s funny how life comes full circle sometimes, isn’t it? 

“They are,” you hear yourself saying. You duck your head, so she would not see the tears in your eyes. “You’ve a really beautiful garden, ma’am.” 

“Please,” she laughs and ruffles your hair. “Call me Tía.” 

And maybe she won’t ever know how much that means to you. Maybe she won’t ever know how much meeting her again, like this, means to you. 

But maybe it’s a story you can share with her another day. And maybe, like the poppies that continue to bloom despite the quakes and the nanosurge; like the seemingly fragile trees and flowers that still grow strong and tall; like a wish that went unanswered for years but has now somehow found its way into your life again – maybe you can let yourself believe in life’s miracles. 

Maybe you can let yourself believe that things will be okay.

#my writing #gift exchange #gale #kirehn #chargestep #fallen hero: rebirth

[coffeebooksorme]

The Mixtape to my Life by Jake Martinez eARC review

GOODREAD’S SYNOPSIS:  Justin Ortega might as well be starring in his very own coming-of-age 80s movie. If only he could find his dream boy to pull up in front of his house in a red convertible and sweep him off his feet, already! At seventeen years young, he isn’t quite Mexican enough for his South Texas town; isn’t manly enough for his father; can sometimes be too much of a smart mouth for his mother; and as for the other kids at school—let’s just say he’d be cast as the quiet nerd with a heart of gold…and an ear for music. The one solace Justin has is his love of 80s hair metal bands, which he listens to on his beloved Sony Walkman. The songs, lyrics, and melody keep him just sane enough to escape the pressures of school and help navigate the hurdles life brings. Especially with the doozy this year is shaping up to be. Not only does he have to try out for a captain position which is rightfully his, but his best friend has found a new girlfriend, leaving Justin to fend for himself in a school where he’s mostly known as simply Coconut. Enter Dominic Mendoza. Sweet, funny, and a blast from his past, the hunky football player has moved in next door. Justin could never forget how Dominic protected him in the eighth grade, nor the way Dominic made him feel, then…and now. Except, this isn’t a movie. Confusion, friendship, and love won’t guarantee a happy ending unless Justin can learn to accept himself for who he truly is. Hair bands and all.

A huge thank you to Big Hearts YA via Net Galley for providing me with this arc in exchange for an honest review.

This was a huge bust for me. I honestly expected to love it because I grew up in the 90′s and have a huge appreciation for 80′s hair bands. I was totally expecting a throwback to my childhood while reading some reconnection romance and that is just…not at all what I got from this.

I’m not even sure how to describe how I feel about this in a coherent or cohesive manner either because while there were plenty of things I really enjoyed (Lila, the sheer love/appreciation of music) but there was just so much that just made me sit back and go ‘Uhhh…’ cause it just seemed really problematic and unnecessary.

* The overabundance of the ‘f’ slur in reference to gay people. Yes, I know this is a book set in the 90′s and the author himself is gay and this is sort of his own tale but still. I don’t think it was needed to be on page as many times as it was. And at one point, the MC’s supposed best friend uses said slur against his best friend to intentionally hurt him. WTF!?

* Justin’s first kiss was taken from him by Lila at the pressure from Benny, his best friend, who then gave him his first m/m kiss. Like…what?! No consent. No nothing.

* One of the song titles used for a chapter had a slur for Roma people on it. This is me being nitpicky but still. There are millions of songs in the world, Jake could’ve chosen another one that was just as appropriate for it’s use.

* A Jewish slur is used as a character’s name. Now, Justin is Mexican and I looked up the name in question and it is a Mexican name but c’mon now, author’s choice.

Oddly enough, the story itself felt very stilted but at times way too rushed. The events of the book all happened within two weeks and Justin/Dominic went from not having seen each other in 3 years (they weren’t even friends three years prior, fyi) to reconnecting, falling in love, saying I love you, wanting to have sex, and then actually running away together because they didn’t want to be apart EVER for the rest of their lives.

I can’t speak to the Mexican rep or the gay male rep because I am neither and this is an #ownvoices novel but I just can’t get past all the racist stuff, poor writing, and unbelievable plot movement to have truly enjoyed this.

Rating: ⭐⭐

Expected Publication: Already out!

#booklr #books #bookstagram #jake martinez #big hearts ya #the mixtape to my life #netgalley #earc #arc #advance reader copy #book reviews #reviews #my review #book review #review #bookworm #book dragon #bibliophile #mine