#hes forgiving to a fault and always sees only the best parts of people until their faults are glaring him in the facr | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

angelicsjn · 1 year

Note

How would they react to someone flirting with their darling right in front of them?

YOUR SIX YANDERES.

— ROMAN CORNELIUS JAMES BEAUREGARD.

Whoever even dares would be a complete idiot.

Flirting with THE Roman Beauregard's S/O? Obviously this person is either stupid, insane or brave.

If they don't stop once he's made his presence known he acts polite, he has an image to uphold. He's an important person and need to be loved by all.

So he smiles, he walks away with his arm tightly wrapped around your waist and you feel the intensity radiate from him. His jaw clenching.

Behind the scenes he uses his power and influence to ruin this person. Finds out who they are, their job, their family. Everything. Uses anything and everything against them to ruin their lives. If they're squeaky clean, he makes something up. Forges up a complete lie that is still believable and makes this person's life hell.

Funny because while their life is turned upside down, they don't know he's the one at fault. They still probably support him, cheer him on and speak about that time they met him and his lovely S/O at that one party.

What a lovely and polite couple!!

— LATEN REED.

Does this person have a deathwish? Who would flirt with this beast of a man's S/O.

Everyone knows that Laten is kind, he's the life of the party. So sweet. But his body? His height? His attitude when angered? They're more than dumb. They must be suicidal.

Laten is forgiving enough, he would politely tell them that you're taken. To stop flirting but if they're persistent and keep up with it, they're getting their jaw spun.

One punch and they're out cold with a tooth missing. You don't fuck with Laten, especially the one he loves.

He will then apologise for making you see him angry. He only wants to show the best parts of him! Behind the scenes, he would AND HAS fucked up those who hurt you.

— JAE 'NIKO' LEE.

Jae is sneaky, he's a scheming man and will manipulate those around him to hate the person who flirts with you. He watches them, picks up on everything and uses it against them.

He can make the most popular person turn into the biggest villain and he won't stop until everyone hates his guts.

He watches with a smile as people call him out on things he created. He laughs as they distance themselves from the person until they're completely alone.

Biggest thing, Jae doesn't care. He's loved by all, he's amazing. Once they all hate them, he'd make it known. They've already lost everything so why would anyone believe him?

"I told you to stay away from y/n." He'd say before walking away with a smirk. He won, as always.

— KAIDAN ALEXANDER WOLFE.

He internalises it. Is he not good enough? Do you like this person? Are you flirting back?

He'd go through a mixture of emotions until he realises you don't like this person. You want nothing to do them. Of course you don't, you're with him!

He's then angry. Very fucking angry.

Kaidan takes work off them, modelling jobs are now his. Brand deals are now his. He makes sure to post better outfit pics. You name it.

He'll become better than this person at everything. There will be rumours that this person is copying Kaidan and he plays his violin over this. Dropping hints on social media that he's being copied by them, that he feels attacked and like they're obsessed.

It leads to this person being run off social media due to the amount of hate, even though Kaidan never verbally spoke bad about this person, he dropped enough hints for the people to confirm that they're trying to become him.

— HAYDEN WEST.

He wants the ground to swallow him up. He hates it.

He feels under attack like he's going to lose you to this person. He becomes insecure and compares himself to this person.

He follows you around like a puppy. Watches your reactions whenever this person is near, to see if you give them attention at all. He hates it, so so much.

After you reassure him, his confidence does pick up. That's when he begins to think of ways to keep them away from you.

He's not physically scary, he'd have to use his brain. He'd tutor this person, just feed them the wrong information until their grades are so bad they've failed and can't progress onto the next year.

Hayden does small things that embarrasses this person in public. Pouring water where they're going to walk, 'accidentally' bumps into them and tips his food over their white t-shirt. Oh god! He's so clumsy!

You don't see what he's doing, you think he's innocent, like everyone else. Half the time nobody even notices him, much like the one who was flirting with you...

— JOSHUA WHITE.

He is a very kind man, a respected one too. Nobody would flirt anyone he is with.

I mean, how could they? He's so sweet. It'd just be wrong to do that.

But with the off chance that someone would actually flirt with you, he's really just like 🧍‍♂️the whole time.

Maybe he's upset. Maybe he's ready to kill. Maybe it's Mabeline. Who knows?

Really, his eye is twitching, and his fist is curling from the bad thoughts. He doesn't let it show.

When he shakes the person's hand, he smiles, but his dark eyes are blank. They walk away with a red hand from the pressure, but even then, they're convinced he's the nicest person they ever met.

#darling reader #darlingcore #yandere #yandere oc #yandere oc x reader #yandere oc x y/n #yandere oc x you #yandere x darling #yandere x reader #yandere x you

488 notes · View notes

barcalover86 · 10 months

Text

Healthy break up - Pablo Gavi (a)

"Tell me, please. Whatever it is, I will stay by your side. Always"

When Gavi heard what you said he closed his eyes in order not to cry.

"That's the thing, y/n."

"Look, Pablo. It's ok, I promise you. Everything will be ok"

He breathed in and out before he decided to speak.

"You don't deserve what I'm going to tell you and it's hurting me just thinking that you might hate me after this."

"I won't hate you. I can't hate you." you said while trying to console him.

"I tried so hard to get rid off this feeling, trust me. I hate myself for it and if I could control it, I would. These days have been... hard. Really hard and I know you told me multiple times to speak my thoughts to you. That's what people that love eachother do, but I just can't. I've been feeling so lonely and sad without having a reason. We are most of the time far away from eachother and I feel like our schedules can't combine."

With every word that was leaving Gavi's mouth, your heart would break. You still decided to hear him say everything, before you could speak.

"Please, forgive me for this. Please.." he escaped a sob from his mouth. "I want what's best for you and right now I'm not the perfect boy, understand me.. please, y/n!."

Your hands went on your tearful eyes. Gavi took them and wiped your tears away from your face.

"I am sorry that I feel like this. It's all my fault and I'm truly-".

"Shh, shh." you said while touching slowly his cheeks. "It's no one's fault, ok?"

"No, y/n. I'm so stupid. I can't find happiness with you and it hurts me-"

"Pablo, stop." you smiled sadly. "I understand you."

He started to cry in your arms, while your hands went on his hair, playing with it.

"Forgive me.."

"I do, Pablo. I forgive you."

You tried to find the strength to speak again and when you did, you managed hard not to cry.

"Thank you for telling me. Thank you for trusting me."

"I love you.. I really do." he said it for the last time while looking into your eyes.

And for the last time, you two kissed. A kiss that could be never forgotten..

---------

"It's ok, sweetheart.." your mom said while you were crying hard in her arms.

"He said he can't be happy with me, mama.."

It's been days since you and Pablo broke up and you weren't doing too good. You understood his feelings, but all the time healthy break ups are tge worst. You know he loves you, but sometimes love is not enough.

Gavi was sad and tired all the time. He didn't speak much about your break up, knowing if he would say something that reminds him of you, he would break down right there.

It was hard to pretend that nothing was happening, but this is going to be the best for both of you.

Even now, after time had passed, you would still go to support him at his games. He never saw you, but somehow, he all the time felt you there..

-------

Today you didn't feel the need to do anything, but you woke up because someone was knocking at your door.

You were all moody today and when you saw that there was actually no one standing in front of your door, you got angry until you saw some flowers and a letter.

You were confused and when you saw the initials, you started to tear up.

You looked everywhere. You only wanted to see him. Unfortunately, he was nowhere.

There were your favorite flowers.. he still remembers it.

You open the letter, read it, put it in your heart and closed your eyes.

'Today would have been our 2 year anniversary. I don't want you to be sad or cry. I want this day to remind you that things are going to come and some are going to end. It is part of our lives and we must understand these stuff. You were the person that thought me how to love someone more than myself. You made me shine when I was at my lowest. I hope that this is going to be the step you will do to forget about sadness. Remember our memories, but forget me. Hugs, P. G'

--------

#fc barca #fc barcelona #football #gavi #pablo gavi #pablo gavira #pablo martín páez gavira #gavi imagine #gavi x reader #gavi x yn #gavi angst #gavi x you #pablo gavi x reader #pablo gavi imagine #pablo gavi x y/n #pablo gavi x you

316 notes · View notes

xmalfoyweasleyx · 1 year

Text

Anything - Steve Harrington x reader

Summary: When Steve's girlfriend (Dustin's sister) almost gets involved in their usual adventures, Dustin asks him to do anything to get her away from it. But things get out of hand...

Warnings!: ANGST, Steve hurts reader (accidentally), fighting, f!reader, henderson!reader , words: 1k

A/N: I'll probably make a part 2 for this cause I'm a sucker for fluffy endings ;) —> part 2

“Why are you both so rushed? Is there something wrong?” y/n asked, standing in the middle of the living room with her arms crossed. Her boyfriend Steve and her brother Dustin were acting suspicious for a while now.

“Nothing wrong” Dustin lies, sounding scared and rushed. “Yep, everything’s fine honey” Steve adds. He presses a quick kiss on y/n’s lips and runs to the dooropening where Dustin is standing.

Y/n is confused about the sudden attitude of the boys and even feels left out. She used love the fact that her boyfriend and brother are best friends, but now it seems like things are changing. “Wait! Stop! You’re both really bad liars. You look like the world’s gonna end” she sighs angrily.

Ironically, she wasn’t wrong about that. A few seconds earlier Mike had warned them through the walkie talkie, a demogorgon was in the woods nearby. Y/n didn’t know anything about the crazy stuff the boys have been through. They kept it a secret for her, to keep her safe, just like they’re doing now.

“Baby, trust me, don’t ask questions, it’s for your own safety” Steve reassures her.

“W-What? I don’t understand, what’s going on?” Y/n sounds worried now. She gets overwhelmed with anxiety when a weird sound comes from the wood. At first y/n would have thought it was just some kind of wild animal, but when she sees the look on the boys’ faces, it seems more than just an animal.

Never in her life had she seen them look so scared.

“What was that?” Y/n screams now.

The boys stay silent, confused at what to do: comfort the girl they love so dearly or just leave and save the world.

“We need to go Steve” Dustin whispers, ignoring his sisters scoff.

“She’ll follow us” Steve answers. “Damn right, I will” y/n adds.

“Please, Steve, you have to make sure she doesn’t get involved, please, anything, what if she gets hurt… or… or killed?” Dustin whispers, so only Steve could hear.

Suddenly something clicks in Steve’s mind.

This sudden feeling, the need to protect her. The realization that if he lets her go with them, his biggest fears might come true. Flashes of his nightmares crossed his mind. They were almost always about her, and the monsters. Y/n always knew how to comfort him when he woke up screaming, but she never knew what the nightmares were about. When he lets her go with them, she’ll be in great danger, and it would be… His fault. He would never forgive himself for that.

“Hellooo?I’m standing right here, stop whispering” y/n gets annoyed, her fear turning into pure anger.

“Honey, you have to stop acting so stubborn” Steve sighs

“Excuse me?! Stubborn? You guys are acting all crazy out of nowhere and you expect me to ignore that?” y/n feels her skin starting to burn, turning red out of anger and confusion. “Look, I have no clue what’s going on but I’m not blind, if you guys are in danger I will help and you ca-“

“NO” they simultaneously cut her off. Steve gets away from the door opening, trying to get a little closer to his girlfriend again. His hand touches her arm cautiously, as if he’s trying not to break her into pieces.

“Y-you have to trust us” he sighs. His loving look almost calms her down, but the anger is still coursing through her veins.

“I don’t want to wait here” y/n says accentuating every word.

“Goddamn it woman, for once, listen to me!” Steve loses his temper.

“Don’t speak to me that way Harrington!” she speaks heavily. Steve takes a step back, shocked by the way she says his last name. She never called him that. Lots of people called him Harrington, with the right amount of disgust on their face. But she never did. Until now.

It almost felt like fume was coming out of his ears. Dustin still stood there, he was getting nervous, this was escalating.

“Steve.. I think we should…” Dustin tries.

But Steve doesn’t hear him.

“This is BULLSHIT” y/n spits out the word her boyfriend hates.

It becomes black before Steve’s eyes. He doesn’t even realise it when he steps even closer to her and grabs her wrists harshly. “STOP IT!” he screams.

“LET ME GO STEVE” she screams back, completely in shock by the sudden unfamiliar way he acts. His big hands press harder on her wrists, it feels like it’s going to leave bruises if he holds on. For a moment it��s like her Steve isn’t there anymore. The affectionate, soft, adoring look he always had when he looked at her. It was gone. Y/n could only see dark eyes with nothing behind them.

She calms down almost immediately, her angry words turning into whimpers.

“Steve..” she whimpered softly, focusing on the hands gripping her,

It was silent now. A tear falls down her cheek. “Steve… Steve? Y-you’re hurting me” she cries.

Suddenly, his eyes soften again when the unfamiliar cries of her voice make him realise what he’s doing. He lets go immediately.

Steve is in shock. He’s focused on the redness on y/n’s wrist, doesn’t even have the guts to look at her hurt face again. That look was the worst things he’s ever seen.

“Y/n, I’m so so sorry, I can’t even believe I did this.. I-I..” he whines with a hurt expression. His heart shattered into a million pieces when he dared to look at her again. She looked scared.

Scared of him.

#steve angst #steve harrington angst #steve harrington x reader #steve #steve harrington fic #steve harrington #stranger things x y/n #stranger things

399 notes · View notes

sb-underlust · 2 months

Text

I know I said I wasn't going to post Asriel and Chara until actual comics are released but uhhh. Guess I'm a liar.

Content warning for mentions of CSA, suicide, emotional abuse (or at the very least, a very unhealthy and codependent dynamic), and self harm.

As prince of the Underground, Asriel Dreemurr was pretty well-liked by other kids, but there was definitely a disconnect that kept him from really connecting with them. His loneliness ended, though, when a human, Chara, fell into his life. The two were inseperable, and Asriel was the only person Chara ever trusted enough to confide in.

But as time went on, problems began to arise. When he started developing a crush on Noelle Holiday, Chara became extremely possessive. To keep him from asking her out (which would, in their eyes, lead to him seeing that there are better friends than them and leaving as a result), they began dating Noelle before Asriel could, until Noelle's mom caught them making out during the Holidays' Christmas visit with the Dreemurrs (and without the excuse of mistletoe? Scandalous!). The Holidays stopped coming over after that, much to Asgore's dismay. He would really miss Rudy in the following years...

The Noelle drama caused a huge rift in Asriel and Chara's relationship, but as Chara made the excuse that they were just sparing Asriel the hurt of knowing that Noelle wouldn't date him anyway since she doesn't even like boys, Asriel silently resigned and tried their best to sweep it under the rug.

One day, Chara told Asriel that they were genuinely sorry about what happened, but they couldn't really forgive themself, so in order to make up for all the hurt they caused him, they constructed a plan to save the entire Underground. Chara would kill themself and give Asriel their soul, and all he would have to do is pass through the barrier and get six more human souls. Asriel refused to let Chara die, but they insisted it was the only way things would be better for everybody. Besides, he wouldn't want to rob his family, his people, of what was likely their only way to be free, right? They thought he was better than that.

And thus, Chara died. Panicked, Asriel tried to absorb their soul and carry out the plan, but they just... Couldn't. The intense fear he had kept his from from accepting the soul. So he gave it to Asgore and Toriel, ran off to the rose garden Chara liked to hang out in, and joined them in death, unable to live without their best friend and feeling like it was his fault for being unable to stop them.

Should SB!Underlust's version of the true pacifist route (the Chastity route? still working on the name) be completed, Posey uses the souls of all monsterkind in order to fuse with Rosey and become Asriel again, but their combined soul isn't truly back to how it once was, even if their body is. "Asriel" remains in this new plural state and will eventually see the surface, just not yet. Rosey thanks Frisk for being the friend he always wanted and Posey plans to one day be able to let go of the hurt Chara had left him with.

The horrific circumstances that led Chara into the world of monsters, from their trauma to the lack of support, left them desperate for a feeling that they were in control: over their body, over their emotions, everything. Part of that relationship they had with Noelle wasn't just out of jealousy, but also being able to engage with intimacy in a way that wouldn't be faced with rejection as Noelle would be on board with the more intense side of Chara if only as a way to rebel against her strict mom.

Chara often buried their distress through not just sexuality, but also self-injury as ANY feeling was better than the ones plaguing their mind.

Ever since Alphys's experiments, they have been reduced to the void that exists within everybody, the constant need to not feel empty.

Should the Conquest route (SB!Lust's "genocide" equivalent) be taken, the once dormant remains of Chara's soul will become aware again, brought to life by the new human's desire to get some sort of stimulus out of a world whose options have been exhausted.

11 notes · View notes

celestiall0tus · 8 months

Text

Reconciliation, Moving On, and Starting Anew

I need to talk about this. People, we got the latest episode in season 2 and I just have to say, this episode absolutely fucked me over in the best way possible.

I don't care what you think Fizz should have been or if the reconciliation was too fast, but I absolutely adored how he and Blitz finally reconnected. That the two can build something new.

For 15 years, they spent hating each other, but never actively seeking the other out, just staying out of each other's way. Of course they have their own private or not so private in Blitz's case, of moments where they hate the other, but what happened was just, yeah. That shit was awful and my heart goes out to Blitz.

Then, they get shoved into a situation where they need to work together and then the emotions hit. Truths are revealed and it hit so close to home.

I was in both of their places. I looked up to and cared about a pair of women, well, girls, just as Fizz admired and cared for Blitz. But then was torn down by those people and never got to see the real reasons or truths. It didn't change anything, and I was still bitter, until I had that moment the boys did.

Maybe some might think it was quick, but sometimes it really is that easy. Just talk and share. I met with one of the girls, now a true adult, again after five years. In all of ten minutes is what it took to get it all out there. Where we both went wrong, our own faults, and confessions. I saw that all in their reconciliation and it just hit so much. Especially Fizz's words.

"Misunderstanding or no, it's hard to just forgive you. It's been fifteen years and that's so much time."

Couple this with Blitz's earlier statement after acknowledging Fizz's hurt:

"I know I can never make that right."

Right there in both of them. They know they can't change what happened. It's done, it's over. It will be difficult to let those parts go as they'll always be there, but they can grow past them. They'll never have what they did, but they can still make something new. And, honestly, it's beautiful.

What we did as kids, or even just in the past, we should never forget that's where it stays, in the past. We need only look to the future and see what we have now. It'll hurt, you'll lose things along the way, but the fortune is a wheel for a reason. What we lose, we gain something new. And for that, I have a new level of love for Fizz.

We got something better than just another villain. We got a truly mature and emotionally stable character. We got someone that truly saw Blitz's reaction and acknowledged it. He didn't refuse to hear it, but took it in and saw the truth in the rawest of emotions. Then, even after admitting it'll be hard to forgive Blitz after all that time, admitting that while it was challenging, what he gained made everything worth it. He is successful, an icon, and has an intoxicatingly healthy and beautiful relationship with someone he loves unconditionally.

I believe moving forward they will continue to work to be better to each other. It's a lot of work, but as long as both put in the work, it'll be worth every step.

Never forget where the other comes from. Never underestimate another's pain. Acknowledge what they've gone through, and what they are working to become. Never compare them to how they were. And live for today and the future.

Always remember, we are not in the past. Judge one another for who they are today.

This has been a L0tus talk. Have a lovely day.

#helluva boss spoilers #helluva boss #helluva boss blitz #helluva boss fizzarolli #helluva boss critical #helluva boss sugar #writing analysis #writing critical

15 notes · View notes

readingtostaysane · 26 days

Text

What I'd Rather Not Think About by Jente Posthuma - review

rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ (4.25)

What I’d rather not think about follows the story of an unnamed female narrator whose twin brother has committed suicide. It spans over their childhood until two years after the death of the brother. It sets to deal with themes such as self discovery and complex relationships, both as siblings but also as individuals.

I’ll start with the critics:

The dynamics between the twins are odd at best, but I’ve also never had a twin, I only have a sibling and maybe they’re a kind of a different bond. Still I wished the novel had more bantering between siblings, to show an accurate depiction of family bonds. We do get the sense they love each other, but the brother is unlikable, which usually doesn’t bother me, and it didn’t bother me here, but I wish I had something more.

However, The novel deals with codependency and detachment in a very balanced way which I enjoyed.

The book includes facts about a lot of horrible historic people that harmed innocents. I found those references irrelevant and didn’t add much to the overall plot, nor for the development of characters. They served one purpose: to show that our narrator lived in the early 2000 and could google things, still I think it could’ve been shown without tragic holocaust facts.

Your gift isn’t a gift, it’s a defect, said my brother. You can’t keep your distance.

Eventually people grow out of their childhood and need to learn how to land on both of their feet alone, but what happens when you’ve never spent a second alone? Not even in the uterus? That’s why this book exists.

Our main character is very dependent on her older brother, and it becomes toxic and self-destructive very fast. This behavior causes the twins to have fights and disagreements and adding to the depression both of them have, they grow apart.

The novel explores self identity, forgiveness and personal boundaries within sibling relationships, however it never forgets to address the love that exists in that special bond.

Both of the siblings travel solo, have love relationships and different goals in life, we as readers follow their growth into their own selves, for better or for worse.

I can never get it right with you, said my brother. Why are you always so pushy? I’m trying to reach out to you, I said. Hello! Hello, said my brother. Here I am. He closed his eyes to concentrate on tasting the meat.

As the mental health of the brother deteriorates we see the author address a complex and sour topic: how do you help someone with depression. It’s the best part of the book and why it earned its rating for me.

Seeing someone you love succumb to depression is not easy, and you don’t always have to patience to deal with it. It most definitely not always end with a happy ending, in the end the brother still killed himself. I loved how the sister tried to reach out to him and he wouldn’t let her, because sometimes that’s what happens, people feel alone and they don’t want to be helped. This book does an excellent job at showing that without blaming the person who commits suicide. It also shows the flaws os someone trying to reach out, the sister could’ve done more, she could’ve paid more attention, and yet she didn’t but no one can say it’s her fault her brother is dead.

The author deals with this topic with such delicacy but at the same time such ease it really pulls you inside the story.

I’m trying to understand him. When someone says they love you but still ends up leaving, I can’t understand it. I don’t believe in that kind of love

This leaves us with the aftermath of mourning the death of a person who took their own life. It truly amazed me to see how the narrator went through different stages of grief in such curt pages. The anger and sadness both contrast each other in this part of the novel and yet none wins.

She’s still alive, he’s still alive, I thought every time someone walked by. She didn’t throw herself in front of a train. Everyone who’s still alive clearly thinks life is worth living. Clearly, I think life is worth living.

In the end of the novel the narrator still feels sad, as grief never truly goes away, but she also reaches peace with what happened. I really enjoyed reading both their journey into adulthood and dealing with the anguish and the happiness of life.

Many people might think this book doesn’t go deep enough into the grief, but I found it the perfect book at the right time for me. The small references of mundane things added to the story in my opinion, they felt vital to bring the characters to life and shaping them into real people.

I’ll end my review with my favourite quote:

I thought about all the love we have inside us and how only a shred of that reaches the people we care about

#booklr #literature #book quotes #book review #books & libraries #books #reading #my reviews #book reccs #book recommendations #dutch literature #translated literature #the international booker prize

2 notes · View notes

forcebookish · 8 months

Note

I'm not even gonna get into all the bullshit I've seen about top just this morning alone so instead I am going to spread lots of love for him. let's take a moment to talk about how he is the only character that owns up to his mistakes and is changing for the better. the convo with cheum really showed his growth. even if mew never forgives him or gets back with him that's ok he just doesn't want him to ruin his life cuz of HIM (once again owning up to how it his fault). also he has NEVER made excuses for what he did even when he had every reason to blame it all on boston. he kind of tried to explain it once to mew but never as an excuse and then never again. he also lets mew do and say whatever he wants to him cuz he thinks he deserves it. he has never once lashed out back at him. and he stayed at the party even after being treated like shit just cuz he was worried about mew and thank god he did cuz otherwise that would've ended very badly. but these people have absolutely no concept of character development. he did one bad thing (and tbh the characters they worship have done just as bad sometimes even worse) so he must be hated forever even when we can clearly see he is changing. "HES A CHEATER!!!!" so is your fave so start giving him the same hate or spare us all your fake outrage over top is all I'm saying. (sorry I have way too many feelings about top tanin at 10:45 in the morning 😭😭)

you said it all, anon. there is and always has been a double standard in this fandom re: top. it doesn't matter if any other character does either the same thing or worse, top is somehow always the villain. top was tricked into sleeping with boston and he's a "cheater," but when ray pokes his nose in sand's business (hmm, where have i heard that before? oh,

right😒), basically ruins his night (i can forgive a lot of things, but i will never forgive him for preventing sand from kissing another freddie mercury. just evil smh) and FORCES himself on him, he's not a cheater? "i can like as many people as i want?" the fact that boston was right about ray two-timing them is insane. you'd think that'd give ray some pause but... lol

meanwhile, top never liked boston, ever. he didn't even want to sleep with him before boston tricked him. and, like you said, he's never used it as an excuse, he only ever said it to explain himself. he didn't even bring it up until he was asked, with both mew and cheum. (and don't even get me started with how this fandom sleeps on cheum or is nasty about her just because she likes top.)

but enough of that, i'm gonna follow your lead and pile on the love: top was amazing in this episode. he could have stood on the sidelines and watched mew blow up his life just feeling guilty, but instead he went to mew's friend to try to help him; he could have gotten angry when mew provoked him, but he stood there and took it; he could have bitched out ray or picked a fight, which he so obviously wanted to (and you're right, anon, that would have gone fucking SOUTH), but he didn't; he could have let ray go to prison, but he intervened to help out cheum and mew; he didn't give up on mew no matter how cruel he was to him and took the best care of him he possibly could. he all around proved that he's a good guy who takes care of the people he loves - and that includes cheum! it always has!

and the best part is that despite his character development, top's still my little boy🥰 i still got to see him clapback at boston🥰 i'm a proud mom🥰

thanks for spreading the top tanin love, anon! he needs all of it that he can get and it always warms my heart to see it💖💖

#ofs liveblog #anonymous #asked and answered #my caps

5 notes · View notes

marshmallowprotection · 1 year

Note

Well, it's clear that Saeyoung will never forgive Rika, V and Saejoong for what they did, but my question is... Do you think that feeling of hatred towards them will be permanent? I don't know if I make myself clear, he doesn't have to forgive them EVER, but do you consider that his hatred will be so deep that it will last a lifetime?

RAE Saeyoung is finally reunited with his beloved brother after years of separation. And I believe that happiness and the time of reconciliation is a reason for Saeyoung to have no time or energy for hatred in his heart. After everything that has happened, both he and Saeran need time to heal and rebuild their relationship. Moreover, the happiness he feels at being together with his brother again might make him put the past behind him and let go of resentment. Instead of focusing on hatred, Saeyoung may prefer to focus on creating new and happy memories with his brother. He will never see those people's faces again and that gives peace.

That's what I think but I would like to read your opinion.

It's 100% permanent. He is quite frankly made of hatred and scorn. There isn't going to be a day in his life when he isn't angry about everything that's happened to him. Anger is his bread and butter. It's never going to leave him no matter how far he goes. He's always going to be angry at the three of them and nothing is ever going to change that.

If anything, I think he needs to work on forgiving himself since he's just as angry at himself as he is at the people who did wrong. What he needs to learn is to forgive himself more than anything.

He needs to learn how to forgive himself for what happened to his twin brother. It doesn't matter that he was a child at the time. He blames himself for everything because it was his job to take care of his brother. He trusted the wrong people and that's his fault. That's the way he views it.

That's why he wants to get rid of himself and everybody else that hurt his brother whenever something goes wrong and he learns the truth. He needs to sit down with Saeran and learn how to accept that he was also a child, and it wasn't his job to do everything. He did the best he could, and that's okay. Even if it wasn't "enough", he did try his best and Saeran isn't mad at him anymore. He understands why his brother did what he did.

They can only sort that out when they talk. The healthiest way to talk that through is through Saeyoung's Ending, V's Ending, and Saeran's Ending. But, that's what Saeyoung needs. Forgiveness of himself, not anyone else.

He's not going to let go of that anger. It's going to be a part of him everyday of his life until the day he dies. As long as he's not hurting himself over it, then it's perfectly fine for him to do that.

He isn't going to forgive anybody else. Those people don't deserve forgiveness in his eyes. That's his choice and he's allowed to have it. But, he has to learn not to be angry with himself.

#ask #anon #mod kait #mystic messenger #mysme #mysticmessenger #saeyoung choi #choi saeyoung #luciel choi #choi luciel #707 #seven #seven mystic messenger #seven mm #seven mysme #character analysis

19 notes · View notes

yandere-sins · 2 years

Note

this is an ask! or could be head canons! but what’s the aftermath of father! Bakugou hitting his daughter? like is he more gentle or you know how abuse only gets worse after the first hit? also what are the emotions running through the girl’s head and what’s the reaction from his s/o? sorry about this; I get really curious about aftermaths, especially about yandere scenarios!

Thanks for asking! I hope this stills your curiosity ^^

[Part 1]

»»———————— ♡ ————————««

♡ It takes almost two days for him to get back on track, and not by his own volition. Two days that he hides in his home office, curtains drawn closed and leaning back in his recliner, a glass of whiskey in his hand being his only companion. In the matter of one night, he completely turned his life upside-down. Bakugou doesn’t want to talk to anyone, see anyone, or do anything. Though he can take vacation days at his job, it only suffocates him more to know he’s taking time off that the world needs him for. But he drowns it in any alcohol he can grab from close by.

♡ His partner tried to start a conversation with him, but it led nowhere. Just a broken glass, a bleeding hand, and the fear he’ll throw another one in their direction again if they keep bothering him about what he did to their daughter. It’s not their position to judge him, not when they weren’t there to prevent it from happening like they always did. Bakugou blames himself the most, but once he can’t take it anymore, he does go off on his darling where they were when they needed them and when they should have taken the hit for their daughter like always. Where they hid while he lashed out at her. And if they drive him too far, he might do worse to his darling than just scream and throw glasses at them, so they quickly disappear, only going inside the office to clean the glass from the floor and bring him new food that he won’t eat.

♡ Bakugou is needlessly strict with himself, always imagining the “what if” instead of seeing things as they truly happened. He constantly plays with the thought of accidentally killing his daughter instead of being happy she’s alive and well. The anger he felt when he hit her hasn’t dissolved yet either, so he makes up excuses and reasons for his behavior when really, all he feels now is the fear of losing her more than ever before.

♡ Meanwhile, his daughter is probably not doing so much better either. Locked in her room just like Bakugou decided, there’s not much to do but rest and heal as best as possible while not being overtaken by the many fears her room now holds. While no one in this household is okay, Bakugou’s partner might play mediator just to regain some peace, telling their daughter about what her dad is doing all day long and how affected he is by what he did. It might be harsh to ask her to go to him and show him she’s okay. Still, since the situation is getting worse and worse, some very unhealthy ideas are planted in the young girl’s mind about showing forgiveness and being the bigger person in this scenario; since, technically, it’s the daughter’s fault that things escalated.

♡ It’s not the healthy and correct way, but it does help—unfortunately. Bakugou might be annoyed that his partner is yet again bringing food, but when a timid voice calls out to him, “Papa?” all the anger is completely forgotten in an instant. Gazing upon his daughter in shock, it’s not long until he beckons her closer, pulling her on his lap and hugging her tightly. Apologizing yet again for what he did and praising her for being so strong. Hearing her apologize in return and tell him she understands why he did what he did does so much good for his pained heart, and soon enough, even with his alcohol levels, he’s back at the dinner table with the two most important people in his life, smiling and basking in the praise they rain on him.

♡ Everything goes back to almost normal. The stricter rules are still in effect, and things still feel off, no matter how much everyone forces themselves to pretend all is good. His daughter is much easier to flinch now when he lifts his hand, Bakugou feels weird going into her room, and his partner pretends none of these things happened and are happening right in front of their eyes just to keep the peace. It’s a disaster in the making, a pot full of unspoken truths threatening to boil over any day.

♡ It just needs one more mistake, one more overstepping of Bakugou’s new boundaries. One is enough to make Bakugou realize he still holds the reigns in these relationships, whether it’s with his darling or his daughter. They can plead and beg him to stop, but if he must teach his daughter another lesson to see reason and stop ruining his patience with her, he will. Sometimes lifting his hand is enough; other times, she’ll have to feel it against her skin. It’s easier now, and Bakugou knows how to temper his strength and apply it less critically. But it hurts regardless, and he gets trigger-happy much easier every time. He forced one person into submission before, he can do it again. He can take all the joy from his daughter, lock her in her room until she begs him to be her old, well-meaning father again and not this aggressive monster he turns into when she doesn’t do as he wants.

♡ But why does it hurt him so much, he wonders? Why is he regretting lashing out even though he’s much more careful now, skilled even? This is not the clumsy dominance he had when it was just his darling. He is now much more settled into his role as the executor of his will. Why is it so much harder seeing either of these beloved people look at him with tears in their eyes when it had always been the way he did things? Why does it hurt to feel them flinch against him when he goes to hug them even though everything is okay at that moment? Where has all the trust he built with them gone after all this time?

Why did one mistake ruin all he loves?

57 notes · View notes

grissomesque · 11 months

Note

Interestingly enough, I feel the complete opposite about Tom and B’Elanna’s relationship re: he does enough right most of the time that it’s noticeable when he doesn’t. I feel like he’s such a a shitty partner to her that it stands out way more when he is actually nice to her lol. Lineage and Drive make me cringe to watch because of how bad is he at showing empathy towards her. And I like him as a character! I just think he’s better person when he’s 1000 ft away from B’Elanna.

Also re: the wife guy stuff, I definitely think that particular piece of fandom revisionism started from people reading too much fanfic and forgetting what the actual source material is like. Plus, people have a tendency to just call any male character who’s married a wife guy

I guess what I mean is that when he's good with B'Elannna, it aligns with what we know of him as a character overall and with all of his other relationships. So the bad stands out in that context, if that makes sense.

For example, he's so protective of Janeway (Time and Again, Dreadnought, Deadlock, I'm even gonna say Worst Case Scenario because we all trust Tuvok's judgment here 😆) and we periodically see hints of that with B'Elanna, so I can look at that and go, okay, there he is. (Or I can look at it and go: HE BELONGS WITH JANEWAY! 😁) Then he does some rude shit to B'Elanna while B'Elanna is acting wildly OOC herself, and at that point I just tune it out, because it's a disservice to both of them.

I mean: she gets on his case about the holodeck, but she rock climbs and sky dives or whatever on the holodeck? He tinkers with old cars and she's an engineer? How is it possible that they have so little in common? Well, it's not, we're even told that they always wanted to design a shuttle together, and it's just bad writers making Some Dumb Point about Poor Vulnerable B'Elanna. They both deserve better.

I can't even watch Lineage. I hate both of them in that episode. And if my spouse tried to genetically modify my child behind my back I would fucking lose my shit. I know we're supposed to be sympathetic to B'Elanna in this one, and I'm not unsympathetic to her feelings and her experiences, but her actions, hoooooooooo boy it's a nope for me. And even the way it all resolves still feels super unhealthy to me.

The best part of Drive is the J/P of it all. Like! Not to get on my soapbox but Janeway is so into it, Tom is so into it, B'Elanna is so not into it, why not just call it a no fault breakup and find better partners!! B'Elanna is so right:

TORRES: There's a Klingon phrase my grandmother used to use. Mok'tah. It means bad match. That's what Tom and I are. I just hate that it's taken me three years to realise it. NEELIX: If you're really such a mok'tah, it must have been an awful three years.

Yes! It! Has!!

Listen, the best argument I can make is actually a bit of my own fic, if you'll forgive me. In Renaissance Man, the Doctor takes on B'Elanna's appearance, calls Tom lieutenant to his face, and Tom's like, want some chicken? Give me a break. No one is that clueless. So I wrote (and, uh, spoilers, I guess):

They’ve known each other for seven years. They’ve been together for almost five, and married for half of that time. So he knows, immediately, that something is wrong. He knows that something is wrong because when he calls to her across the empty corridor she stops dead in her tracks, anxiety clouding her eyes. Not her eyes; the Doctor’s. The Doctor, who doesn’t know why the name Kathryn would come out of Tom Paris’ mouth. But Tom doesn’t understand any of this yet. He only knows that she shouldn’t be looking at him like that, not if everything is fine. “What’s happened?” he asks, striding over to her. “I’m fine, Lieutenant,” she snaps. “I’m extremely busy.” His blood runs cold.

Because I am a bit single-minded about J/P, it wasn't until after I posted it that I realized how much that also speaks to P/T. Like, that's how it should've played out for them, realistically. But they once again sacrificed Tom's characterization for a bit.

Anyway. A thousand times yes to fanon wife-guy revisionism.

#tom paris #asks #meta

6 notes · View notes

ruthlesscalculuss · 1 year

Text

THIS IS A LITTLE RANT ABOUT JC’S TRAUMA, not a discussion post. So…Jiang Cheng. He’s a complicated character with a complicated history. Being neglected by his father and being humiliated by his mother, never truly being good enough for the people he craved respect from the most. Always being second best to wwx.

Then of course we have his trauma, the murder of his family, friends and the citizens of lotus pier. We see him sacrifice himself for wwx, his hopes and his dream of rebuilding the Jiang sect being extinguished at the torture by hands of Wen Chao, his core being forcibly destroyed. We see him struggle and then we see him slowly, but surely lose his best friend/brother because of diverging moral views and a lack of power on both sides to get through it together.

Jiang Cheng cannot loose Lotus Pier again at the hands of the Jin’s and wwx knows this, thats the one thing he cannot sacrifice. That’s why they have a staged fight, to publicly announce wwx’s defection. This way the Jiang Sect won’t be harmed by wwx’s actions. Here it breaks jc’s heart, the only one he wanted by his side was wwx and he can’t understand why he would leave the jiangs to protect the wens, all he sees is his brothers arrogance and his betrayal. He does not know the full extent of the wens help, he does not know wwx is without a core.

Jc is a broken man, he has given his best efforts to not be jealous of wwx, to not let it show just how deep his low self esteem runs. He cannot let himself be weak like his mother said he was, like his father thought he was. I think many people, specifically jc antis, ignore this. He is a HUMAN. He is not a character that can be shoved into black and white, either or. We can be like him, he is the example of the scarring, a physical reminder of unhealthy coping mechanisms with trauma. Wwx of course shows his coping methods as well.

Him trying to make light of most things, his lack of cares for rules because “why does it matter if I follow them, I’ll get punished anyway”, we see this even more so after he’s thrown into the mass grave. After Jin Zixuan dies and Yanli dies, Jc is overcome with anger and grief. He blames wwx, “didn’t you say you could control it?!” and to a degree it is part of his fault. Although I don’t think he had a choice-

they needed to win a war with that demonic energy, nobody can deny that. Jc doesn’t know the sinister plans that are making wwx turn into a target for the world. Imagine it was you, could you say you would still be as kind, as forgiving? Sometimes the world can make you or break you, and I believe jc was the latter. He agrees to participate in the siege, he was one of the most important gears in the siege.

Why. Did he hate wwx? Did he want to appease the sect leaders to save the Jiang Clan? Did he feel like he should end his brother on his own terms? I’m honestly not sure. There’s much speculation, It’s my own personal beliefs it’s a combination of politics due to the jins and also an anger that’s been building in jc for a VERY long time. I know in CQL he does force him to let go of lwj, but in the book…I’m curious.

What if Jiang Cheng got to Wei Wuxian first before anyone else. What would he say, what could he say? What would wwx say to him? Sometimes I think it would end as jc stabbing wwx and truly killing him. Sometimes, I wishfully think he couldn’t do it. But that’s very much up to everyone’s interpretation of Jc. At the end of this, I think of jc going back home after the siege carrying chenqing with him until he could finally rest.

I think he would just stare at it, too tired too numb to really do anything else. I think he’d get passed out drunk trying to maybe somehow sleep, and I think he’d have nightmares. God, I don’t write but I’d write a fic for this. Anyways ya sorry guys just some thoughts

8 notes · View notes

s-citrus · 2 years

Text

Guys I met in a weird dream. Info under cut

Setting:

A bayou town called Calway. Known for its fishing, and its ghost stories.

See, the bayou isn't particularly forgiving so ghost are a fairly common thing in these parts. They can range in appearance from completely human to just lights in the corner of your eye. The easiest way to identify a spirit is by their colors - completely monochrome besides the bright pink accents on them.

Calway treats its ghosts much like it treats its living, if you reside in town, you provide for the town. Now that doesn't mean they have to work, but they can't be a nuisance.

Characters:

Ellie Fredrick - The younger of the Fredrick siblings, she's usually overlooked but that's fine by her, it means she can do her work in peace. Or as much peace as she can get with the spirits that always tend to bother her. Folks claim they've got haunted eyes, and that's not entirely untrue.

Leo Fredrick - A hard working fisherman, took over his dad's work after he disappeared. He's very sweet and considerate - a people pleaser. Almost to a fault. Very protective of his sister, but that's what happens when she's the only family he's got left.

Ashi Berg - Originally from one of the bigger cities, she came to Calway on a business trip but stayed for the quietness of a small town. Ashi is loud and rambunctious, but people tend to appreciate that about him. She offers a breath of fresh air to the people of Calway.

Sing Crane - A reserved seamstress, that longs to work on dresses and tapestries rather than fixing nets and sewing up tears. She's trying her best to get out of her shell, and a certain big-city-man is helping her get there.

Caine Roscoe - Caine has been dead for a few years now, but the ripples of his death are still felt from the Roscoe laws. Mr. Roscoe was not the purest man, in fact he made a living of robbing, stealing, and making a fool of big city banks. But he wasn't particularly cruel, he made sure to give what he didn’t need to small towns, Calway being his favorite. That's the reason he rests outside of Calway, and why the town is so okay with his spirit being in such close proximity to them.

What's the story?

The 4 humans are pretty good friends, shooting the shit and all that, but they realize a dear friend to the town has gone missing. They don't have a name, just a title, the Narrator.

Ashi elects the group to go find the Narrator and no one has the energy to protest.

After a few days of searching, they find Caine in his shack outside of Calway and ask him to help. He agrees, surprisingly quickly, and supplies the group a boat to travel the waters safely. They row and row until it gets dark, and as the group starts to panick about the prospect of coming up empty handed, Caine whistles a tune.

A trail of faint pink lights litter the bayou. The group follows it until the sun rises, to a large mansion in the middle of the swamp. Overgrown and abandoned, they enter the House to find their friend.

The dream went more into the story than that but like. I want to rework it to make it a more coherent story? Anyway, this is one of the coolest dreams I've had in a while and I NEEDED to do something with it.

#I DIDNT ADD TAGS ORIGINALLY LMAO #ocs #The House #Leo Fredrick #Ellie Fredrick #Ashi Berg #Sing Crane #Caine Roscoe #jar art #this story is going to be horrific and im kind of excited #this is surprisingly my first like full horror story?#anyway if you have any questions firstly! thank you for your interest but also please ask them!#i had this dream two nights ago and theyre all thats in my thoughts

14 notes · View notes

a-tale-of-legends · 8 months

Text

Given everything I said about Cheren and Bianca so far, it makes Alexis and Elliot leaving hit so much harder and the fact that Cheren and Bianca fell out of touch for 2 years.

Cheren just feels so much guilt now. Not only did he say awful things to Alexis and Bianca, he somewhat helped the team he despised. With Bianca he never got to apologize. He wanted to, he seriously wanted to, but he was too afraid to look her in the eye after what had happened, and between training, getting ready to become a gym leader, and them just falling apart, he never got the chance to fully apologize to her and it eats him away so much. Even as he starts to forgive himself and go to a better place mentally, that guilt was always there. I think in b2w2, when they see each other again and reconnect, they ultimately have a long talk over do.

With Alexis it just hurts. Alexis ran away. For 2 years Cheren was under the belief that he was looking for N, and that he shouldn't feel like it was his fault, and that he shouldn't feel bad. Alongside you know, the worrying and fear and anger that comes with your best friend/sorta crush just up and leaving without a goodbye. And then Alexis came back and he looked absolutely terrible - possibly worse than he was before ( though that might change hmm). And then Cheren learns that Alexis was never really looking for N, at least not entirely. He just needed to get away from Unova, away from everything. And truthfully, Cheren understands. Elliot was kinda like that, deciding to go to Alola to heal and train instead of staying in Unova. So deep down, Cheren understood. But at that moment, he listened to his angst and sadness. I don't think anyone has seen Cheren that angry before. Things don't exactly get better after that, but I'm reexamining how I see Alexis post b2w2, up until swsh. All I know is that Alexis' and Cheren's relationship is tense. And that the former mutual crush is completely gone, Cheren is done and has moved on.

Bianca isn't as filled with guilt as Cheren is but I do think that she honestly just feels lonely. Alexis ran away with no means to contact him, Elliot left for Alola ( though they still kept in contact thankfully) and her and Cheren.....well. I wouldn't be surprised if a small part of her was angry. Yes, Cheren wasn't himself then but she recognized that the problem between them was always there. Cheren never truly saw her strength. But at the same time, Cheren is still her friend. One of her best friends for that matter. So when they started to drift apart, she would be lying if she felt lonely. She didn't have many people to talk to, and she was already busy being a professor's assistant to Juniper. So she just went on a long, by herself, her pokemon and the calls with Elliot keeping her company. She's worried sick about Alexis, but also recognizes that she can't exactly help him if he doesn't let himself be helped. She will always be there for him but he has to take that step.

Ahgbhbfgvjn I think this story line is coming together well :D it's honestly just Alexis and Elliot I want to refine now, as well as come plot changes if I see them necessary.

#r rambles #legendverse #oc: alexis jones #oc: elliot jones

1 note · View note

3xandgrateful · 11 months

Text

Thank you, Clemmie.

She survived domestic violence, started to recreate her life with only the clothes on her back never mind the few, fresh bruises on her face. She saved herself. She saved me, too

I met her in 2018. Tanned skin, small, round-eyed beauty. She’s a woman to behold. She’s also a newly promoted Team Leader at work.

She speaks with a bit of British accent, worked for a UK account she said. Til now, I can’t get over with the way she says the word ‘branch’.

I was so young when I joined her team. She has been with the company for 13 years. Having been a hopper most of my working life, I asked her what made her stay that long. I couldn't imagine sticking around that long back then.

“I like it here. Also, it helped me turn my life around.”

I looked at her, urging her to go on. Young and inexperienced as I was, maybe I could learn something from her.

Learned I did, and more.

She married young. They were childhood sweethearts. Their families were friends. It started great. The guy’s family was even active in the Church. Little did she know how violent he can be, or that he could ever take it out on her.

She stayed with him for a while more. But when the threats got frequent, and the bruises kept coming, she decided she’d had enough.

“I was already employed here. I came home from work and there he was. Hurt me enough to go running out the door, without a thought of going back. All I had were the clothes on my back.”

“I called my Boss at work. She let me stay with her until I can fend for myself. I never went back with him, no matter how much his family asked me to. I told my in-laws, I’ve suffered enough. They should be grateful I never told anyone we know about the situation, or about his son. I never pressed charges.”

What that leader did for her, she did for me.

I’m not a victim of domestic violence. I can well do that to me all by myself. You won’t see any bruises though. It’s all psychological. I suffer from anxiety. And I’ve been so unkind to myself for so long that it’s become so debilitating. The pandemic made it worse.

Cooped in the house, not being able to meet my support system outside for such a long time, feeling frightened as I’m one of those labeled ‘vulnerable’ to the disease because of my respiratory condition, I spiraled into hopelessness. Racing thoughts, sleepless days, unable to get out of bed... What’s the point of living if it’s going to be as pathetic as this?

I didn’t report to work for a very long while. Like two consecutive weeks. This part of the world, you don’t report to work in two days, you’re a goner.

But this lady would check in on me, listen to me, give me the time of day, just so I can spout as much excuses as possible. She’ll repeat one of my friends’ advices: “You don’t deserve the punishment you’ve been giving yourself.”

“Forgive yourself for whatever you thought was your fault. It’s time to be kind to yourself now.”

She let me have several days off. She let me share with her my plans, asking me questions so I can gain clarity. She made sure I have that safe place to think. She did all she could so I can stay on with the company. Because to quit the job is to commit suicide in those trying times. Companies were laying people off left and right. And nobody knows when we’ll be able to recover.

I requested to change my work schedule to a time when I think the world is a bit quieter, but also when I can actually see the sun; a shift at work where I don’t have to talk with people who are actually going outside. She made that happen, talked to the higher ups and pledged my case.

And I thrived. Best in class then promoted to a new role in a very short time. She helped me made that happen. And for that I’ll always be grateful for her - her understanding, her compassion, her unfailing trust on me and my ability to turn things around for myself. She saw something in me, and she chose not to give me up. She chose to help me, made me see what else is out there. That I can still shine.

I call her my hero. I told her, she is my savior. Her name’s Clemmie.

She’s still fighting her own battles though. One of them is not being able to get divorce. She found the new love of her life, but they can never get married.

Clemmie, thank you so much. You’re my hero.

#clemmie #realheroes #thank you clemmie

0 notes

hoveringisles · 1 year

Text

JULES DE LANCRE

As a child i used to steal my brother’s clothes and pretend i was him. I would hope our parents wouldn’t tell us apart but they always did. Sure, they would indulge me a little but the game always had to end before dinner. I remember the disappointment but also the sadness that followed everytime it ended. One day, i went too far and cut my hair. Dad didn’t blink. Mom was furious. Julian stepped in and took the blame. He was grounded for a month. I thanked him but we never spoke of the incident. And I never played that game ever again.

I used to love dancing as a child and then mom introduced me to ballet. I entered a world of excessive femininity as well as performativity. I didn’t like the way the leotard highlighted my developing breast but mom was finally paying attention to me and that was all that mattered. She would drive me everyday after school and talk to her friends, saying how proud of me she was. That felt good. Mom and i shared something, just like Dad and Julian.

I made friends along the way. We used to challenge each other and share our diets and training routines. Skipping desserts, having protein bars instead of breakfast. One day, my bestfriend Charlotte and i auditioned for Swan Lake. I landed the role of Odette while she got Odile’s part. I could tell she was upset. She had hoped Vincent (her crush), who auditioned for Prince Siegfried, would be her prince on stage. Turned out our dance director thought i would be the best fit for Odette cause we both shared an introverted nature while Charlotte was very much extroverted.

I wanted to drop out and let Charlotte be Odette but mom had already heard the news and was so happy she threw me a party to celebrate.

I couldn’t back down.

I couldn’t disappoint her.

That’s when things started to deteriorate between Charlotte and i. Vince and i spent lots of time rehearsing together for the show. We needed to work on our chemistry, like the director said. Unlike most of the people my age, i hadn’t dated anyone yet so simulating attraction for the eyes of the public was no easy task.

tw : this part of the story contains triggering topics such as sexual assault, bullying, slut-shaming, eating disorder and body dysmorphia.

One night after our rehearsal, Vince asked if he could drive me home, saying that he’d love to discuss our characters. I’ve always enjoyed discussing fictional characters and he knew that. I didn’t think there was something wrong with that. Just two friends discussing their characters for the upcoming show. Vince was brilliant and so nice and i really enjoyed our conversations. As soon as we got into the car, he started to talk about chemistry, our chemistry. I panicked. I knew Charlotte had a huge crush on him and that she would never forgive me if anything happened. I also didn’t feel for him that way. So i tried opening the door but he quickly locked it up. I told him to let me go. He didn’t listen. He grabbed me and kissed me, running his hands under my shirt, touching my breast. That’s when my fight response kicked in. I managed to kick him in the nuts and unlocked the door. I ran as fast as i could. He didn’t chase me. He shouted “You’re gonna regret it, bitch!“

I didn’t tell anyone. Not even Julian.

I was ashamed. I felt like I should’ve said no from the start. I was blaming myself for it. I convinced myself that maybe it was my fault. Maybe i was asking for it in a way. I mean, spending that much time alone with him while wearing only leotards and tights… Was he really the one to blame ?

The next day, I noticed people were whispering behind my back and looking at me whenever I entered a room. I didn’t see Charlotte until lunch time and as i was about to sit down at my usual place next to her she said “Go find somewhere else to sit, whore.” That day, i didn’t eat lunch. I couldn’t stand seeing all those eyes on me at the cafeteria. I spent the whole lunch at the library. Food wasn’t allowed there.

The same day, i quit dance class. Mom wasn’t happy with that. She asked for an explanation but i had nothing to say for myself.

After two weeks without having lunch, I thought that maybe i didn’t need snacks or breakfast either.

I didn’t care about not having friends anymore. All I cared about was making it through another day without eating.

When everything around me was falling apart, my body became my anchor.

I let them smear my name as they pleased. Call me a whore, a bitch.

I didn’t care anymore.

For once, i was in control.

Months went by. I noticed my chest was getting more and more flat which reminded me of how good i felt before puberty hit. My body was changing and my curves were disappearing. I also didn’t get my period anymore. And that felt like a good thing. This meant my body would never be altered by pregnancy.

Then, summer break was here. I enrolled myself in a dance summer camp. Mom was very happy i was dancing again. Although, the only reason i joined it was so i could keep my special diet. Julian wasn’t completely blind. He knew something was going on. He was questioning me, pushing food my way every so often. Staying away from home was the only way i could keep being in control.

Then one day my body shut down before a competition. Julian found me unconscious backstage. He said he has had this gut feeling that something was wrong. I woke up at the hospital. Julian by my side. Dad was talking to the doctor. Mom was nowhere to be found.

My diagnostic : anorexia nervosa. I didn’t want to believe i was sick. I didn’t want to believe i had lost control. Control was all i had left. A few days later, i was back home. Mom barely looked at me. My parents got me out of school, thinking that was the problem. I wouldn’t cooperate much in my own recovery because i didn’t think i had something to recover from. Though I cooperated enough so that my parents would send me to another school, so i could keep spending my lunch break at the library where food wasn’t allowed.

Changing school gave me a fresh start. I made new friends while keeping my rule book. Although, lots of activities they invited me to were centered around food so i would decline them. Eventually, they stopped inviting me. And then talking to me.

By the time i turned fifteen, i wouldn’t eat my own birthday cake. I stayed in bed all day, pretending to be sick. I missed Julian and i’s birthday party as well as the cake. That evening, i heard a knock on my door. Julian came in, smiling, holding a cupcake with a burning candle on top. I thanked him and said i would eat it later.

But later never came.

The next day when i got out of the shower, i found him sitting on my bed holding the dry cupcake i had hidden in my nightstand.

“When are you going to stop lying?"

And we had a fight. It wasn’t like us to fight like that, to lose our temper. And then, he was done arguing. He flat out asked me if i wanted to die.

I didn’t reply. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me closer to him. We locked gazes. That’s when i saw he was crying, something i haven’t seen him do since we were kids. He held my tiny wrist, waving it in front of my eyes.

"Look at you, Jules. You’re fading…” He whispered, his voice on the verge of breaking as he let go of my wrist. “Tell me… Tell me you don’t want to die…Please…” He added, placing his hands on my frail shoulders, staring into my now teary eyes.

That day, i fell to my knees and cried at his feets. He sat on the floor and held me tight. I hadn’t realized how much i was hurting him while pursuing my never ending quest for control.

How much i was hurting myself.

And thus began my recovery. I was now homeschooled and on close watch. No more lunch break at the library. I ripped out my rule book and Julian helped me create some new rules. He educated himself and helped Mom and Dad understand.

They still don’t understand though. I’ve gained a few pounds but i still can’t look at my body in the mirror and struggle to eat at times but i know i’m not alone in this. Julian and i are closer than ever but i still can’t bear to tell him the whole story. Maybe one day.

The beginning of Jules' rp/gender identity journey and how they met Az

As i wasn’t going to school anymore, i decided i would make online friends. I started roleplaying. Most of the time, the rp servers i wanted to join were oversaturated with female characters so i couldn’t get in unless i was playing a male. I named my first character after my brother. For some reason, everyone in the server quickly assumed i was a guy and i kinda went along with it. It was a funny joke, yeah, but it felt also right in a way. I ended up leaving the server cause the admin confessed her love for me and when i said i wasn’t interested in her that way she turned the players against me, saying i was a creepy dude. All because i hurt her ego by politely refusing to be her boyfriend. The poor thing had no idea i wasn’t the prince she fantasized about. Anyway. Move along.

I went months without rping. I stayed in touch with one of my internet friends though. They came out to me as trans. I wasn’t sure what it meant but they explained it to me. I recognized myself in some aspects of being trans. I didn’t see myself as such though. I was certain that to be a true trans person you had to want to change everything that you were born as/with like my friend wished to. That wasn't my case. And so, i didn't dig deeper.

Finally, a new server caught my attention. A Vampires vs Humans war. Sounded like fun ! So i applied for the forgotten vampire heir to the throne. I made them a ftm transgender, adding to the background that they had been disowned because of their gender identity and that the king and queen had made the population believe that humans had killed their child, therefore putting an end to the fragile peace between vampires and humans. I got the part. And suddenly all sorts of queer characters starting popping up on the server. It was amazing ! Though, one of the admins didn’t see it that way. Turns out she was just trying to save faces by being somewhat inclusive. She blamed me for starting the queer trend (as she called it), and i politely told her to go fuck herself cause queer people were not a trend and deserved to be represented. The other admin stepped in and stood with me. They fought and the queerphobe ended up leaving the server.

I felt bad for breaking their friendship so i DMed the other admin saying i was sorry and she replied : “No worries darling. Don’t ever apologize for standing up for what you believe in. I can’t be friends with a queerphobe anyway. We’re better off without her to be honest.”

“Alright. But what about the server, the lore? Are you gonna have to start it all from scratch?”

“That’s basic human decency at that point ;) Not at all. Not to brag but… i kinda wrote it all on my own.”

“You did??”

“Yep!”

“I’m genuinely impressed. Like, i haven’t seen anything like it before and i’m a huge fan of fantasy stuff.”

“Thank you! I’d like to be a writer.”

“Hold on to that dream, love. I’m sure one day i’ll see your name everywhere !”

“You’re too sweet! I’m Azalea by the way.”

“I love your name ! You can call me Julian. If you want, i can help you manage the server until you find someone else.”

“Thank you ! I love your name too. Sure ! I don’t think i want to find someone else tho. You’re very active here and i can see you truly have the story at heart. I guess what i’m trying to say is… would you like to be admin with me? I’d like this server to be a safe space and i know i can trust you on this. So, what do you say?”

“I’m at your service, love !”

That’s when it all started. Az and i. We took care of the server together and we built storylines for everyone to enjoy. We didn’t hear from that bitch until a month later when we learned of another vampires vs humans rp server, a rip-off of our own. Az started to get hate messages from strangers. Every fucking day. One night, she snapped and did what that bitch wanted from her all along. She closed the server. I knew she wasn’t feeling well and i was too tired to type so i called her with my camera turned off. I didn’t care if she heard my voice. All i cared about was being there for my friend.

I remember how surprised she was to hear my voice and though it sounded feminine she still asked me which pronouns she should use. I hesitated but ended up saying those i'd been raised on and introduced myself as Jules, which had become the only current nickname i had IRL that i was comfortable with. We talked all night long till she finally fell asleep on call.

WIP

#JU.LES BIO #DE LANCRE BLOODLINE

0 notes