#here my friends are almost entirely of one professional class

[freebooter4ever]

i send my friend suggestions of tourist places to see in his new country (his contract was extended, lucky him!) or messages about friend of friends i have living there that he could maybe meet for fellow americans to talk to, and his response is always that he doesnt have time. and not in that exaggerated way that people do to seem busy. but in that bone tired way i recognize from him here in LA, that i recognize in myself.

#jrnlsht #i watch the lives of my friends who have Made It on social media and its like looking through glass into another world i cant relate to #theyre so happy and confident and successful and its beautiful #you know whats a funny thing about LA #so many people on the on*line da*ting apps put *successful* on their list of requirements in the people they want to date #like theres a bar of entry and if you haven't reached a certain goal post like... blue check marks on your social media or a level of wealt #then they arent even going to want to get to know you #and its so antithetical to how i was raised i cant even comprehend #and yet i see it happening to my own relationships #in pittsburgh i had friends from literally ALL walks of life from people who made even less money than me to comfortable to fairly wealthy #here my friends are almost entirely of one professional class #and i have been observing how my hyper wealthy friends self select in who they interact with to maintain this wealthy bubble around them #i dont think it's entirely intentional but its also not not intentional if you know what i mean #anyway its one of the reasons i fucking loved the talk on saturday oh my god those two were a breath of fresh air i needed so much #these smart genius dudes built their own life and instead of constantly looking up for more and more personal gain #they paused and looked at the people still desperately trying to rise #and were like if i have gotten this far why cant i help you do it too and then they DID IT they actually started helping #i think that is the true meaning of success

[bbtsficrecs]

BTS FIC RECS PART 4 Part 4 of some of my favourite BTS fanfics. Please do consider liking, reblogging and/or commenting on the fics you like. There are so many wonderful and amazing authors out there who do not get the recognition they deserve. So please send them lots of love to keep them going. If you're on here, then know I enjoyed every second of reading your story ♡ There will be two parts 4 as it's (sadly?) too long to be saved under one post. Stay tuned for part 5, joon recs will be added!

Please let me know if some of the links aren’t working. Happy reading!

⊹ Navi ‣ Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 4.1 | Part 5 |

​⊹ Hell Is Empty - drabble Love triangle AU | a | @aquagustd​ ‣ An important phone call between Yoongi & OC.

⊹ You’re The Best I’ve Ever Had  Boyfriend Jungkook, Chubby reader | a, f, s | @adoredcore​​ ‣ Jungkook’s touches were so soft. So soft you almost barely even felt them. Keyword: almost. His smooth fingertips ran along your silky skin, while the tip of his pink tongue ran across the nape of your neck.

⊹ Fool Me Once Fuckboy AU | a, s | @jeonqkooks​​​ ‣ You never expect anything from Jungkook, but somehow he always manages to let you down.

⊹ Attitude CEO Jungkook au | s | @lushtans​​​ ‣ Your relationship with your CEO is... Rather complicated. Aside your professional relationship, he fucks you whenever he feels like it and as much as you hate to admit the truth, you love it. 

⊹ Don't Worry, Be Happy Daddy Jungkook AU, | f | @jvngkook97 ‣ "You guys have been trying to conceive for a little over a year now, but have yet to be fully successful."

⊹ Trap Idol Jungkook AU, | f | @jiminpitys ‣ In which you show up at your boyfriend's concert soundcheck as a surprise, and to your own, he’s wearing an outfit that’s bound to make you feel a certain way.

⊹ Addicted College AU, | f , s | @sparklingchim ‣ Your boyfie Jungkook fucking you silly.

⊹ B i g o l e f r e a k Friends with benefits AU | f , s | @joonberriess ‣ You’re both exclusive only to each other. Jungkook fucks the way he acts—crazy, hard. too bad you’re only here for the ride..

⊹ Foundation - Part 01, 02, 03 feat Yoongi Non-idol doctors AU | f , s, a | @hamsterclaw ‣ You know Jungkook is a fuckboy. So why are you letting him fuck with you? Featuring Yoongi.

⊹ Paint me naked Artist Jungkook AU | f , s, a | @gimmethatagustd ‣ After the mysteriously hot guy in your university class starts taking an interest in you, should you really trust that he’s not like all the other college fuckboys? Especially when his best friend is the guy who broke your heart?  

⊹ Why are you so late? Idol Jungkook AU | f , s | @kimnjss

‣ With such a packed scheduled, you’d think Jungkook would be on top of his game. But when a morning rolling around the sheets with you is thrown into the mix, it’s expected for him to want to take his time.

⊹ Our beloved summer - Series (on-going) Producer Jungkook AU | f, s, a | @jeonqkooks ‣ You made a vow to hate Jeon Jungkook ever since he packed up and left you without a single explanation, but when he shows up at your door after years of radio silence, it turns out that maybe your resolve isn’t as strong as you thought.

⊹ Heaven can wait Chubby reader AU | f, s ish | @adoredcore ‣ "What’s a chance I’ll take baby I’ll stay heaven can wait."

⊹ Midnight cravings Established relationship AU | f | @hobiholic ‣ You want to go to the convenience store late at night to fulfill your midnight cravings but a sleepy Jungkook stops you.

⊹ Wet dreams Somnophilia AU | s | @kookiecrumb ‣ “I want you to use me…whenever you need me,”

⊹ Look at you -  Risqué drabble Risqué couple AU | s, f | @mercurygguk ‣ Mirror shopping with your boyfriend turns into something else entirely.

⊹ In the middle of the night Friends with benefits AU | s, f | @joonsmoonluna ‣ It’s the middle of the night and Jungkook’s in need of you

⊹ Like I'm famous Idol Jungkook AU | s, f | @softyoongiionly ‣ It’s New Years Eve and Jungkook would rather be anywhere else than at his company’s massive party. Sure, he’s a guest of honor and his team rented out the nicest hotel in Seoul, but ringing in the New Year with you on the other side of the world just feels wrong. He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to celebrate without the woman he loves, but maybe- just maybe…he won’t have to…

⊹ Strangers to lovers Established relationship AU | s | @kissmetae ‣ You’re a regular at the gym and today you decided to workout late. You thought you were alone, but it turned out there was one other person at the gym and you so happened to be his gym crush…

⊹ My dear friends Friends to lovers AU | s, f, a | @kooktrash ‣ Just friends? Keep telling yourself that, you and Jungkook have always danced on the line of friendship and something more but lately you’ve struggled being able to tell where you guys stand.

⊹ Red - Part 03 Pregnancy AU | s, f, a | @taestefully-in-luv ‣ You drunkenly sleep with your ex-boyfriend, Jungkook. Can’t be that bad right? Unless he gets you pregnant.

⊹ As we were - Series (on-going) Cheating/Infidelity AU | s, a | @archivedkookie ‣ Your husband cheats on you and find comfort in someone else’s arms. He claims he’s happy—but is he really?

⊹ Imagine Model Jungkook AU | s, f | @chryblossomjjk ‣ Jungkook wants nothing more than to spend your anniversary cuddled up in a fancy hotel bathroom, eating takeout and binge watching TV shows. You, on the other hand, have something more exciting in mind. 

⊹ Practice - part 02, 03 Fuckboy Jungkook AU | s, a | @chryblossomjjk ‣ You usually spend Friday nights on your own. Tonight, however, your friend and campus fuckboy, Jungkook, decides to pay you a visit.

⊹ Lost Cause Cheating AU | a | @kooksbunnnn ‣ Jungkook comes back to you after his 10 day trip to Busan, and you sense something different about him. 

⊹ The Boy With Galaxies In His Eyes Idol AU | a, s, f | @oddinary4bts ‣ You had never thought the night sky could be found in someone’s eyes. That is, until you met Jeon Jungkook and his gravity pulled you in. Will he crush you with the galaxies in his eyes, or will you learn to explore his worlds and make them yours?

⊹ Beyond Infinity - As We Were drabble As We Were Couple AU | a, s, f | @archivedkookie ‣ Jungkook does something you always dreamt about, and it ends up with the most beautiful night of your life.

⊹ What If I Love You Too Much Single Mom AU | a, s, f | @taleasnewastime ‣ Jungkook. It’s only a name you learn after your son kicks his ball over the fence. Before that you only knew him as the hot new neighbour who mows his lawn topless. And though you have no intention of getting to know him anymore than that, inevitably you do. You don’t necessarily fall, it’s too slow for that, but you definitely develop feelings you don’t intend to feel. Because you know men like him, and you know that whatever you’re feeling, he’s probably not feeling the same. All the same, however hard you try, you can’t help yourself.

⊹ Services For A Queen Sub!JK AU | s | @taegonia ‣ Jungkook serves his queen in more ways than just as the royal head of security.

⊹ Cold Nights & Blurred Lines FWB & College AU | a, s, f | @awrkive ‣ Jungkook and you have been keeping a sexual relationship with each other for four months now, and it’s casual for the most part. But as time passes, you can’t help but feel that some of the lines suddenly got blurred in the process. Is it a cliché to blur the lines with your fuck buddy? It definitely is. Will you do something about it? Both of your emotional constipation have a hard time saying yes.

⊹ Strictly Platonic Bestfriends to Lovers & College AU | a, s, f | @jeonqkooks ‣ Sometimes, Jungkook can be a little selfish; and sometimes, the lengths you would go to for his happiness mean relinquishing your own.

⊹ In The Middle Of The Night FWB AU | s, f | @joonsmoonluna ‣  it’s the middle of the night and Jungkook’s in need of you ⊹ Perfectionist Dancer AU | s | @miraclesatnightfall ‣ "He watched you, with each sensual step you made his eyes darkened with explicit desire" ⊹ Tangle Free Establish Relationship AU | f | @here4btsfics ‣ Bad days lead to you needing your boyfriend for comfort, specifically by playing with his hair.

⊹ As It Was - Apart of Boy With Love Series (on-going) College AU | a | @ggukiepie ‣ You bump into Jungkook days after you find out he has a girlfriend; things don't go so well

⊹ The Habits Of A Broken Heart Soulmate & Unrequited love AU | a, f | @softykooky ‣ Jungkook and you are soulmates. So says the matching crescent moons on both your wrists. However, things are never as easy as they seem, and you are quick to learn that falling in love with someone who does not believe in love is a one-way ticket to heartbreak.  ⊹ Blackout - part 02, 03 Best friends to Lovers | s, a, f | @jjungxkook ‣ Utility bills shooting up like this should be an international crime. Luckily, Jungkook has the perfect idea(s) to save up money and make your night sinfully unforgettable.

⊹ Step Brother Step Siblings AU | s | @aris-ink ‣ Sub yn *innocently* dry humps her step brother jk while he plays video games.

⊹ Forbidden Romance Step Siblings AU | s | @aris-ink ‣ "It wasn’t unusual for your stepbrother to check up on you before bed. You’ve grown closer than you initially thought you would; it turned out that beneath the surface, you and Jungkook weren’t that different, after all."

⊹ My Perfect Patient Dentist Office AU | s, f | @pinkcherrybombs ‣ Jaw pain is just as much of a pain in the mouth as it is in the ass, but don't worry, your favorite dentist is sure to fix you right up, using some special methods.

⊹ Confessions - part 02 Office AU | a | @pinkcherrybombs ‣ Since we're about to die, I need you to know, I've always loved you, Jungkook.

⊹ Getting Railed Boyfriend Jungkook AU | s | @dearlytea ‣ Getting dicked by your boyfriend during a train ride.

⊹ Make You Mine College AU | a, s, f | @mercurygguk ‣ Your first day at your new college is quite eventful to say the least. But everything seems slightly less chaotic when Jeon Jungkook offers to help you on your way – if only knowing him wasn’t an even bigger mess than the day you first met.

⊹ Catch 22 College AU | s, f | @alluremin ‣ You and your best friend had agreed: college was for a good time only, no serious relationships were necessary. Who knew that a frat boy would be the one to shake up that notion?

⊹ Tolerate It - part 02 Failing marriage! au | a | @lmaosope ‣ Marriage is difficult, and every married couple fights. but jungkook has been late one too many times and broken one too many promises. it has you wondering why you give everything for a man who simply tolerates you.

⊹ Make You Mine Jock Jk au | a , s, f | @mercurygguk ‣ Your first day at your new college is quite eventful to say the least. But everything seems slightly less chaotic when Jeon Jungkook offers to help you on your way – if only knowing him wasn’t an even bigger mess than the day you first met.

⊹ His Throne - 01, 02, 03 Prince JK au | a, s, f | @jiminsa ‣ You, a maid for the royal family, have sex with the irresistible prince Jeon Jungkook on his throne.

#my recs #jungkook fanfic #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook drabble #jungkook imagine #jungkook fic recs #bts fanfic #bts fic recs

[slut4thebroken]

Assorted characters x stalker!reader hcs

For some reason I’ve been obsessed with stalker!reader ideas. Like for any of my current hyperfixation crushes lol. So here are some unofficial head canons I guess

(Jason Todd, Jonathan Crane, Jackson Rippner, Spencer Reid, Stiles Stilinski, Bucky Barnes)

Jason Todd - You met him one day on the street. Some guy was being a dick and not taking no for an answer. When he started yelling, Jason intervened. And you’ve been in love with him ever since. You know that he obviously loves you too, that’s why he was so kind to you that day— that’s why he leaves his blinds open and let’s you watch him change after taking a shower. That’s why he was “careless” enough to let you find out his alter ego. Why else would he have trusted you so much to share that secret with you if he wasn’t in love with you too?

Jonathan Crane - Along the same lines as Jason. But you’re a student in his class. Everyday you sit in the front, your chin resting on your hand as you stare at him, mesmerized by his smooth voice and pretty face. You like the reaction you get when he makes eye contact and you don’t look away— he stumbles over his words and forces his gaze somewhere else while clearing his throat. His day to day life wasn’t particularly exciting, he spent most of his time on campus or at Arkham. But the one night he deviated from his usual schedule, you got all giddy and followed him eagerly. That’s how you found out your professor was the infamous Scarecrow. After learning that, you wondered if he’d ever want to test his fear toxin on you, leaving you a writhing mess for him.

Jackson Rippner - (I actually started a one shot with this plot lmao) You don’t know how a professional terrorist who stalks people for a living didn’t realize you were following him. It’s not like you’re very good at it. But you watched him watch other people, swooning when he became particularly violent on an assignment. You wondered how he’d react when he found out. Would he be flattered— impressed? Would he try to kill you? Or maybe— and this was your preferred option— he’d fuck you instead, making fun of you for being so desperate that you resorted to stalking him. He seemed like the kind of man who would enjoy degrading and humiliating you and you couldn’t wait for when that would finally happen.

Spencer Reid - Your genius professor with an IQ of 187 and three phds was entirely fascinating to you. You read anything and everything about him, including all of the cases he’s worked and any interviews he’s done. Once that wasn’t enough, you started following him around. He was so intriguing and captivating— the way he just ordered a coffee and handed the barista the money had you swooning. The first time you followed him, he had noticed you— made eye contact with you— so you made sure to be more careful. On days where he wasn’t teaching because he was away helping the BAU, you were incredibly bored and almost depressed. You missed seeing him every single day.

Stiles Stilinski - Stalking him was how you found out literally all of his friends secrets. You liked watching him talk animatedly to Scott from across the library, getting scolded by the librarian several times before being asked to leave. You liked watching him by himself, the way he fidgets with anything he can get his hands on and struggles to focus on whatever task he’s trying to complete, it’s endearing. What you didn’t like, however, was how he looks at Lydia. Every single time, you have to physical restrain yourself from walking over and bashing her head in, telling her to back the fuck off and leave him alone. Especially because she usually ends up making him sad. If he were with you, you’d always make him feel loved and appreciated. You wouldn’t act like some spoiled, airheaded tease (not the internalized misogyny lol).

Bucky Barnes - Stalking Bucky was one of the hardest things you’ve ever done. He’s so in tune with his surroundings, knows when there’s a threat before anyone else does. He also knows when he’s being followed. So you resorted to casual stalking— going to the gym when he’s there, sitting in the living room when he’s there, arguing with Sam about what to watch. You also liked watching him through the security cameras in the tower. It wasn’t as good as the real thing, but you could see the true, genuine Bucky. Not the Bucky he pretends to be around everyone else. This was the Bucky who likes romcoms, listens to music, does his best to cook, walks around in just sweatpants, not worrying about having to hide the gruesome scarring on his shoulder at the base of his metal arm— or any other scars for that matter. He has a lot of them and you ached to kiss every single one and tell him that you still think he’s incredibly handsome and pretty.

Part 2 with their reactions when they find out lol?

#stalker!reader #headcanons #jason todd #jason todd x reader #jonathan crane x reader #jonathan crane #jackson rippner x reader #jackson rippner #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #stiles stilinksi x reader #stiles stilinski #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #i’m so in love #i need all of them

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 43

PREV

FF is a pretty good student. Solid Bs in his Gen-eds and As in regard to his major. With one C+ that he’s still working on with Captain Neil but it’s higher than the D+ that he had been pulling before Captain Neil had started to tutor him and he really just needs to pass the one gen-ed required math class.

There was many a deep breathing exercise before he made an appointment with his educational advisor for the next semester back in October but it hadn’t been that bad even though she was the one that had asked if he knew anyone good at math since it obviously was not a strong suit of his. So he dragged his grade up from a D+ to a C+ and he was pretty proud of that.

FF has a preferred spot in each and every one of his classrooms. In his Gen-Ed courses he sits in spots that the Professors don’t even notice and where there is almost always a gap between him and the next person. He arrives perfectly almost late every single day for every single class he can to achieve this feat.

For his Major classes he sits near the front with the few Foreign Language major friends that he has.

FF likes to be prepared. Studying was a nice way to prepare for the future. If he’s already read the entire textbook front to back and taken notes then a pop quiz can’t catch him off guard. He double, triple, and quadruple checks homework. He could probably recite the syllabus for any of his classes off the top of his head. He has read it so much to make sure he’s gotten everything and is on track.

FF kind of likes finals week.

For once, for one week, everyone is as anxious as him.

He sits next to Nicky patting his back as his friend sobs into a pillow. “I’m not going to graduate and it’s going to delay seeing Erik by an entire year!” Nicky yells as he brings his face out of the pillow.

“Nicky, you only got one flashcard wrong how about you shut the fuck up!” Aaron yells from his desk where he seems to have spontaneously developed ambidextrousness as he writes notes with both hands. “Fuck I am NEVER fitting all of this one one index card.” Aaron slams his face into the table.

“I don’t even need this degree.” Matt says looking down at a textbook that he has not turned a page on for the last hour. The fact that Matt had also not even opened that textbook before now was a bit of a cause for concern. “I’ve already got offers for professional teams. I can just play Exy. I do not need to pass a workplace psychology course.” Matt says.

“You think Dan wants an idiot?!” Nicky demands not wanting to go down alone.

“She thinks it’s cute that I’m stupid!” Matt exclaims.

“No she doesn’t!” Aaron points at him, “She said and I quote ‘I love it when you use that big ol sexy brain of yours.’ the last time you had her on speaker phone!” he uses a slightly more…effeminate voice when he impersonates Dan but FF had spoken with Dan and to his memory she did not sound like that.

“Fuck you’re right she deserves an all rounder!” Matt cries, head in his hands.

“Why do I even have to TAKE this Gen-Ed about history?” Nicky demands now holding onto FF as if he were a teddy bear.

“So that we’re well-rounded individuals with a wider perspective on-”

“Smithy, my sweet child, I was not looking for an answer.” he feels Nicky’s hand come up to his hair and maybe he’s being treated more like a favored pet?

“You’re having trouble with a Gen-Ed?!” Aaron asks turning around in his seat, “That’s embarrassing.” he turns his nose up.

“I’m having trouble with something that is going to be useless in my adult life.” Nicky says as if he were not currently an adult. “You are having issues with a class that will have huge ramifications on your future if you don’t manage to learn it!” Nicky points out.

“Eat my shorts Nicky.” Aaron hisses.

“Maybe I could study if you would wash your shorts Aaron. I can smell your laundry pile from over here!” Matt spits.

The fight devolved from there and FF slipped out of the dorm as Nicky was holding a chair over his head to seemingly throw at Matt for his ‘unreasonable number of sticky notes messing up the flow of Nicky’s studying’.

He heard a crash.

“It’s probably fine.” he says to himself and he has his index cards with the speech he has to give for and he really should go over to talk with Captain Neil.

He walks to Captain Neil, Andrew, and Kevin’s door and- “There faster-!”

FF walks away from Captain Neil, Andrew, and Kevin’s door, remembering only in this moment that Kevin had declared that he would be “Living in the library until this paper is done or I am.” to the team at the last practice of the year.

Captain Neil and Andrew were never the type to waste an empty dorm room.

He misses Pepto Bismol as he hears a particularly dirty line of Russian coming from his Captain’s dorm room.

***

Eventually Finals week is done and dusted with only 4-5 more blow-ups in his dorm room that result in Nicky, Aaron, and Matt stopping their fight to see if they accidentally had knocked him out with all of the thrown debris (only happened once when Aaron threw a textbook that Nicky ducked but he didn’t.)

FF came out of his final…final feeling pretty good all around. He had managed to get some extra tutoring time with Captain Neil after Kevin managed to finish his history paper a little early. Despite all of their fears and complaints Aaron, Nicky, and Matt all did manage to pass all of their finals and their classes.

The Tower was closing tomorrow for the rest of the year and despite checking almost every day with Nicky he still was invited to go to New York City with most of the team to stay at Allison’s house.

“Smithy, did you pack a swimsuit?” Nicky asks.

“Nicky, we’re going to New York for Christmas break. Do you think we’re going to swim?” Aaron asks incredulously.

“Two words, my fetus of a cousin: Hot. Tub.” Nicky holds his hand up and putting one finger up and then another. “Is hot tub two words?” Matt asks as he reaches for his own swim trunks.

“Yes Matt hot tub is two words.” FF says nodding.

“Thank you Smithster.” Matt says.

“I can’t believe you don’t know that hot tub is two words.” Aaron says with a huff.

“I can’t believe that you don’t know how to not be an asshole even after you started getting regular sex with Katelyn.” Matt returns, “Look at how not a thing that was when Smithster answered it.” he gestures to FF.

“You cannot compare Smithy to Aaron. Apples and Tomatoes.” Nicky dismisses.

“Whatever, so Allison got a hot tub at her place?” Aaron moves past the conversation.

“Aaron you just made fun of Matt for asking stupid questions.” Nicky says with a hand on his cheek.

“I fucking hate being part of your family.” Aaron says without any real heat.

“Yeah sure.” Nicky says, rolling his eyes and smiling as he saw Aaron packing swim trunks that FF knew he had bought for his cousin.

“Okay, I’ve got the packing list that Allison sent. Do we wanna run through it so that we’re all properly packed?” Matt says holding up his phone.

“Yeah, let’s run through it.” Nicky says with a sigh.

They went through Allison’s provided list twice and then zipped up their suitcases. Smith was going to be driving to the airport with Matt. Neil and Andrew were going to be driving the Maserati up alone while the rest of them were going to be flying up to New York City.

Now onto something that filled FF with far more dread than simply passing tests that determined whether or not he continued to get a free ride in college.

Meeting new people.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

#Fluent Freshman AU #Just as a note I'm probably going to be taking November off #I should be getting the keys to the Condo on Halloween #and there's just so much to do with it #So I'll be doing a smaller WW #and taking the month off for FF #But I'll come back with some fun I've been planning for ages #Specifically Smith getting to meet Renee and Allison for the first time #And really getting to know Dan #There may be a few special guests but I haven't decided yet #Andrew and Neil absolutely take an extra day to get up to New York for 'absolutely no reason' #but the reason was that they pulled off to a quiet pit stop and made out for so long that it was just irresponsible for them #to not go to a motel #As for where we left off with the Winter Banquet #It was just Smith waiting around until the bus came back #He just ignored that old dude looking for him #and walked to the bus without breaking stride #Who knows who said that Smith was there #I do #FF - 42 #AFTG AU #AFTG OC #Andreil #Nicky Hemmick #Kevin Day #Aaron Minyard #Matt Boyd

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Aita for secretly following my then best friend home?

(tw alcohol abuse, probably suicidal tendencies)

I know this sounds really awful right away but bear with me. Also this is probably going to get long, sorry in advance

tl;dr I followed a guy i was friends with and had a crush on home after an argument, even after he asked me not to come to his house, bc i was worried he might hurt himself.

Last summer I (20f) moved to the US for college. I didn’t know anyone outside of college and overall I was mostly on my own which was getting a bit lonely tbh. So I was very glad when I met this guy (21m) at a party of one of my acquaintances. We got along right away and he ended up giving me his number. After that we continued talking regularly and also meeting up every now and then and overall it was a lot of fun.

At some point I started developing feelings for him but prepared myself to just wait it out and not tell him bc I knew that he liked having a very active sex life and felt like he probably wouldn’t be interested in something serious at that time.

After a few months however, he began to behave in some ways that made me pretty worried honestly. I had known that he liked to go out and party but I hadn’t known to what extent. Apparently he would get totally blackout drunk at least once a week, sometimes more than that and then he would text me or call me in the middle of the night but often I genuinely couldn’t understand what he was saying. Sometimes he would just call me like that at any time of day, crying, saying that I was his only real friend, the only person he felt safe talking to and so on. On the one hand I knew that that wasn’t healthy behaviour at all but on the other hand my crush on him kept getting worse bc who doesn’t like to feel needed.

On other occasions, he would just randomly do reckless and stupid things like one time we went to a museum and he started arguing with the guard over not being able to take any pictures and we almost got kicked out. Afterwards he laughed it off but honestly it made me feel pretty uneasy. (I didn’t tell any of my other friends about that btw, they only knew that I was seeing this guy but wasn’t dating him.)

He has told me some things about his childhood which I don’t want to share here bc he did tell me that confidentially and although this is anonymous I still don’t feel comfortable telling random people on tumblr about it. But it is severe enough for me to believe that his upbringing and the things he lived through definitely contributed to the issues that he has now. I can say that he didn’t have a great time at home bc he is bi and while homosexuality isn’t illegal in his country, it isn’t really accepted either. Also it’s generally expected that children, especially boys, dedicate their entire life to having a successful and lucrative career and then start a family and he wasn’t really in the right place to do either of that (and he didn’t want to).

He also has been facing a lot of problems and racism here bc he is a poc immigrant from a country that isn’t in good standing with the US. So while I don’t pretend I know what he’s feeling, I imagine that all of these things would affect him quite a lot.

Now I actually get to the incident that is the reason for me to send this (it rly did get long TT but I want to make everything as clear as possible).

A few weeks ago we were just hanging out, it was all pretty chill and we just sat down to eat and talk etc. It had been quite a difficult week for me, also college wise, and I felt like I really had to talk to him about him calling me at night and while I’m in class and all that. So I said as nicely as I could smth like “I don’t want to seem overbearing but have you ever thought about maybe seeing a therapist bc I don’t think what you do is healthy in the long run and I’m not a professional who can properly help you.” He immediately got really snappy and defensive, saying that he “couldn’t fucking afford a therapist and even if I could, all they do is squeeze the money out of you and they don’t give a fuck about your feelings.” I was pretty shocked tbh and responded by saying “well if you really think this badly about therapists you should clearly see one” which was probably too harsh of me but I just couldn’t help myself at that moment. He then said “oh yeah?? I’d rather die than tell any of my shit to a total stranger. But you’ve probably already told yours bc you’re all so fucking dependant on them anyway.” and then he stormed off. (Just to be clear, I don’t have a therapist bc I don’t have any issues that require one.)

I was really scared at that point bc I thought that he might do something to himself (he had said stuff like “I wish I just wasn’t here sometimes” before) so I started following him which I now think was extremely weird and creepy of me but I just didn’t think it through in that situation. He walked for about 10 minutes to a house which I assumed was where he lived (I had never been at his place before bc he always said he lived in a bad neighborhood and didn’t want me to come there) and I stood outside for like another 10 minutes thinking abt what to do bc I realized that this had been totally stupid, also it started to get dark and it really was a bad neighborhood. I ended i up calling him and telling him where I was and he let me in. He was pretty angry but mostly at the fact that I had put myself in such a dangerous situation and he let me spend the night at his place.

We actually got together not long after that and as of now, we’re dating. I know it’s not an ideal situation and probably not the most healthy one but I have been able to keep him from drinking himself into oblivion all the time bc we spend most evenings together now so I think that’s a good thing. I don’t know where things will go from here and I don’t have the illusion that i can “fix him” or anything but so far it’s been pretty good and I really do love him a lot so I just hope it will all turn out for the best. I just still feel guilty for lowkey (or actually highkey) stalking him when he explicitly asked me not to come to his house but it was out of genuine worry for him so idk if it makes me an asshole, I guess I’ll let tumblr decide that for me.

🌃🎀🍨 for finding later

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

[thetriumphantpanda]

Ghost of You | J. Miller (Chapter Six)

Series Summary / Grief is a strange thing. In the beginning it had been all-consuming. There wasn’t a moment of the day where you didn’t cry, didn’t ask yourself why it couldn’t have been you instead. And no-one ever explains the guilt you feel when it isn’t anymore. When it’s just a dull ache and you can finally breathe again, when you can start letting people get close to you again. People like Joel Miller.

Pairing / Joel Miller x Widow F!Reader

Word Count / 3.3k

Warnings / Not much to warn you of here apart from some pining, discussions of therapy sessions, a graveyard but that's about it.

Authors Note / We're moving slowly but surely where these two need to be. I hope the slow burn isn't putting too many of you off but I promise within the next few chapters we're going to get to the meat of the story. If you enjoyed this then please consider reblogging, commenting or popping into my ask box with your thoughts and feelings! I love you all and thank you for continuing to support me.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

You were back in Belinda’s office. There was something about sitting there today that brought you back to the very first time you’d sat down with her. Afraid to unpack everything, sitting on the verge of tears, sobbing at the first mention of Mark’s name. It didn’t feel much different this time, tissue clasped in your hand as usual, but you didn’t think it would be Mark’s name that made you cry, you were sure it would be Joel’s. 

“You seem a little distracted today.” Belinda points out, pulling your attention from staring out the window, “Anything particular on your mind you’d like to talk about?” 

You let out a sign and your shoulders slump, “I think I’m confused.” 

“About what?” Belinda asks. 

Another sigh, another slump of your shoulders so you’re practically leaning over your knees to avoid looking at her, “Something happened,” You mumble, “With Tommy’s brother.” 

“Joel?” 

You nod, “He’s a friend, he’s really helped me these past few weeks, this weekend I had them all over, Tommy, Maria, Joel and Ellie and it was such a lovely day, the first time I’d felt genuinely happy in a long time.” 

“Then something happened?” She presses. 

You lean back, looking at her this time, she’d always told you that in order to have difficult conversations you had to face them head on, “Everyone left apart from Joel, we’d been drinking quite a lot and I asked him about his experience with grief, which was fine, but as he was leaving we kissed,” God you felt like a teenager again, explaining to your best friend how your crush had kissed you before class, “And now I’m confused Belinda, and I don’t know what to do.” 

She nods in understanding, “Did you want him to kiss you?” She asks. 

“I don’t know?” You shrug, “I guess I did; I think I’ve been ignoring the fact for a while that I like that he’s looked after me and that he’s one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen, it’s not that I didn’t want it, it’s that when I closed my eyes, all I could see and think about was Mark.” 

“You know, this is entirely normal and understandable,” She’s trying to make you feel better, even if she is the professional, “When we lose someone, especially someone we know romantically, it’s hard not to compare the two people to each other, but that doesn’t mean it’s not something you shouldn’t pursue if you want it,” She notes something down on her notepad, “You do want this, with Joel?” 

“I don’t know,” You groan, throwing your face into your hands, “When we were talking outside before all of this, I told Joel that I almost wished Mark had told me to move on before he died, gave me permission to be happy.” 

“But you don’t need his permission,” She states blankly, “I’m going to speak very honestly with you now, I hope that’s okay?” You nod, giving her permission to go on, “Mark is gone, I know that’s painful, but we don’t know what, if anything, exists after this life, and if you continue to think of what Mark would want you to do for anything then you’re never going to be happy.” 

It was inevitable but this is the moment you start crying. Up until now you think you’d convinced yourself that it might all be a bad dream, that you’ll wake up one morning and he’ll still be there, he’ll make the coffee and you’ll sit together, and everything will be fine. But Belinda is right. He is gone. Has been gone for over a year and he’s not coming back. You dab at your eyes with the tissue. 

“I think Joel makes you happy, am I right?” You nod, “Well then, don’t fight it,” She sighs herself, putting down her pen, “I’m not saying run off and get married, or sleep in the same bed, but if he makes you happy then let him do that, I think you might surprise yourself with what happens.” 

“But what about what everyone else thinks?” 

“Do you want me to answer that as your therapist or your friend?” 

“Both?” You shrug. 

“As your therapist, we already talked about this, unless it’s Tommy or Maria or anyone else you’re close to, it doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks,” She pauses and a smirk falls across her lips, “As your friend? Fuck them.” 

You laugh through your tears, blowing your nose into the tissue before balling it into your fist, “Listen, I’m not telling you to rush things, just speak to him, be honest about what’s happening in your head, and if he’s half the man you’ve made him out to be then he’ll understand, and he’ll wait for you.” 

You stand up to leave, “You know, he already told me he would.” 

She’s got her hand on the small of your back to lead you out to the front door, “Well, there you go,” You open the front door to leave when Belinda adds, “Go get your man.” 

*

It’s late afternoon and you’re sat on the back porch soaking up the last of the sun. Finished coffee mug on the table, you’re absentmindedly running your fingers along the table. 

“Oh thank God!” 

You think your heart stops of a second as you let out a scream and turn to the back door, it’s Maria. 

“Fucking hell Maria, a little warning would be nice!” You exclaim, clutching your chest to try and regulate your pulse back to someone who isn’t about to die of a heart attack. 

“Sorry, but I was knocking on the door for ages, I didn’t know where you’d gone!” 

Maria takes a seat next to you and your heart fills with guilt at the fact that you’d worried her, “I’m sorry, guess I was just in my own little world out here,” You speak, “Shouldn’t you be at the council meeting?” 

“Finished early,” She shrugs, “Thought I’d pop by and see you.” 

“Coffee?” You ask, pointing to your empty mug. 

“I’m okay, I think I had three to get me through that meeting, anymore and I’ll be climbing the walls.” 

There’s a moment of quiet between the two of you before Maria speaks again, “So, what’s on your mind then?” 

You run a hand over your face, “My therapy session with Belinda has thrown up more questions than answers and I don’t really know where to start.” 

“Well, two heads are better than one.” Maria coaxed. 

You groan, “You cannot say anything to anyone, not even Tommy, okay?” 

“Cross my heart.” She smiles, doing the motion of a cross over her chest. 

You take a deep breath, “I kissed Joel.” 

“Sorry, say that again?” 

“I kissed Joel.” You say again, louder this time. 

“I thought that’s what you said but I just needed to be sure,” She’s got the same smirk on her face that she had in the market a few weeks ago when Joel had first appeared, “And what’s the problem?” 

“Maria, you know damn well what the problem is!” You snapped. 

“There could be lots of problems, honey,” She soothes, “Did he kiss you without permission? That’s a problem. Was he a bad kisser? That’s also a problem. I’m going to need to know the exact problem you have in order to help you.” 

“For crying out loud,” You grumble in frustration, “Neither of those are the problem, the problem is that I wanted it. I wanted it so bad Maria, and then as soon as I closed my eyes it was Mark, I was thinking about Mark.” 

“Honey, of course you did, Joel is the first person you’ve looked at since he died, of course you’re going to be thinking about him, but that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world.” 

“But he deserves so much more than a woman who only sees her dead husband when she kisses him.” 

Maria reaches out and gives your forearm a hard squeeze, “So do you honey, and the only way that’s going to happen is to keep trying,” Her voice is low and its sweet and you’re so overwhelmed that you start crying again, “He’s a good man, let him learn to love you darling girl.” 

You lean your head back against the chair and look up into the clear sky above you, rubbing at your eyes to try and dispel the tears from falling anymore. You were tired. Sick and tired of this always being the go-to when things got hard or complicated. 

“Maybe you should go and talk to him?” Maria suggests softly. 

“Joel?” You asked, leaning your head to look at her. 

“Well, yes, eventually, but I meant Mark,” She nods her head to the sweet peas on the wall, “Why don’t you take him some flowers and talk to him about everything?” 

You had to admit that you couldn’t remember the last time you’d spent time at his grave. Up until now it had been more painful to imagine him, buried under the earth, rotting away, than it was to go and see him. Maybe this is what you needed though. He was always the person you’d go to with your problems, and although this was a different problem altogether, maybe he could still help. Maybe, in your wishful thinking, he could send you some sort of sigh from beyond the grave. The permission you needed to truly let yourself be happy again. 

You nod, “Maybe I will.” 

Maria smiles and stands, “I should really be getting back home, there’s mountains of documents for me to pour over, but you know where we are if you need us.” 

*

Joel was vaguely aware that Tommy was talking to him. He could hear the usual southern drone of his accent, but he couldn’t hear a word he was actually saying. 

“Are you even listening?!” Tommy pauses, breaking Joel away from his thoughts. 

“Course I am.” 

“Fuckin’ liar Joel, you’ve had your head up in the clouds since we started out this mornin’.” 

“Yeah well, I just gotta lot to think about right now.” 

“Enlighten me then, what do you have going through your mind right now that means you’re away in cloud cuckoo land?” 

“You know you can be really irritating sometimes?” 

Tommy grins at him as they continue their patrol together. It’s the easy route this afternoon which Joel is glad for, his knees are really starting to feel their age now and he doesn’t think that regular patrols on the hills would be a good idea anymore, “I’m your little brother, I’m supposed to be irritating.” 

“You gotta swear to me you won’t breathe a word of this to anyone else, you understand?” 

Tommy is looking at him expectedly, slowing his walking pace down so he can look at his brother. Joel almost wishes he would walk ahead of him, so he doesn’t have to look at his face when he admits what he’s done, but talking with Tommy about this stuff has never been easy. 

“I kissed her.” Joel states simply, not wanting to beat around the bush. 

Tommy stops dead in his tracks; Joel decides to keep walking. He can’t deal with the shit-eating grin he knows will be plastered on his brother’s face. He can already hear the ‘you told me it wasn’t a date’ comment. 

“The longer you stand still, the later we’ll be for dinner,” Joel calls over his shoulder, “I’m not going to be happy with another meager plate of leftovers.” 

He can hear Tommy’s boots hitting the ground behind him and then he’s being clapped on the back, “I didn’t think you had game anymore, big brother.” 

“Would you knock it off?!” Joel exclaims, “It’s nothing to do with game, it was a stupid mistake.” 

“Cut the shit Joel,” Tommy scoffed, “Everyone saw how you were lookin’ at her over that fire the other night, whatever it was, it wasn’t a mistake.” 

“Yeah, well you weren’t there, alright?” Joel is regretting bringing this up altogether now, “Maybe I don’t mean that it was a mistake, lord knows I’ve wanted to for a while now, but fuck, the way she looked at me after, it broke my heart, Tommy.”

“So, she regretted it, not the first time a girl’s come to her senses with you.” 

That earns him a swift slap to the arm, “All she said was that she couldn’t, not right now anyway.” 

“Well then, I don’t know what the issue is?” Tommy shrugs. 

Joel sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, it’s reminiscent of all the time’s Tommy had called Joel from jail to bail him out all those years ago, “The issue is Tommy, that I can’t be around her then, there’s something inside of me that just wants to do whatever I can to make all her pain go away, and the only way I want to do that is to kiss her, but I don’t just want to slot in where her husband left, that ain’t right.” 

Tommy is quiet for a while as they continue walking, he, like Joel, is surveying the land, but like always, it seems quiet. No signs of infected, no signs of raiding parties. They reach the end of the patrol hike and Tommy sits against a tree, taking out his hip flask to take a sip before he hands it to Joel, who gladly takes a drink before handing it back. 

“You know, you’re nothing like him.” Tommy says quietly. 

“Like who?”

“Fuckin’ hell, your memory can’t be that bad,” Tommy takes another drink, “You’re nothing like Mark.” 

Joel doesn’t want to pry, because then it might seem like he’s fishing for compliments in some weird way, but it’s alright because Tommy has never really been able to keep his opinions to himself. 

“Don’t get me wrong, he was a good man, but physically? Completely different.” He passes Joel the flask again, “He was blonde, couldn’t grow a beard if his life depended on it, and let’s not forget younger than you, he was so small and slight, and completely hopeless with anything around the house.” 

Joel’s ears prick, “But she told me when I fixed her step that he always handled that kinda stuff?” 

“That’s because I did all the fixin’ and let him pass it off as his own,” Tommy shrugs, “Don’t ask me why, I guess I can see why she’s gotten under your skin, she’s the sweetest girl I’ve ever met, one of the only girls I would protect with my life, outside Maria and Ellie now.” 

“Does that mean that back porch was all your work?” 

“Course it was Joel,” Tommy chuckles, “He was a lovely man, nice as pie, could never do anything wrong to anyone, we all loved him, loved them together, but brother I can guarantee that there’s no way you’re just going to slot into his place, because you’re nothing alike.” 

“I don’t think that’s really what I’m worried about, I just don’t want anyone to think that I think the only way to help her is to take her to bed.” 

“You’ve been her friend first Joel,” Tommy reassures as he stands up to make the walk back to Jackson, “This is how things happen these days, you meet someone nice, do nice things for them and if things are meant to be, they’ll be.” 

“When the hell did you get so wise?” Joel chuckles. 

“Just focus on the fact that all she said was not right now,” Joel nods in agreement at Tommy’s words, “And maybe, stop acting like you’re fifteen again and just open your mouth and talk to her, you’ll never know what she really means, or feels, if you don’t.” 

*

The sky has decided to match your mood suddenly. Gone are the bright blue skies and the sun, replaced with grey clouds that you think threaten to burst open and soak you any moment. It would be a mercy if they did, it would give you an excuse to leave and go home. It’s like the weather knows that you want to turn and run - it’s why it’s holding off on the rain. 

You’re stood in front of Mark’s gravestone and it kind of feels like you’re having a strange out of body experience. You shake your head and remember the fistful of sweet peas in your hand, cut especially for him. When you look down at them, all you can really hear is that fucking southern drawl that Joel has saying that nickname. You curse him, because even now he’s front and center in your mind. 

You set the flowers down on the earth in front of the gravestone before settling yourself down on the ground with your knees pulled up to your chest. Where do you even start? 

“I’m sorry,” Seems a good a place as any, “I’m sorry I’ve not visited recently.” 

It’s like you’re expecting a voice to respond back, a lump appears in your throat when you realise he’s not going to answer you, “It’s been really hard recently,” You continue speaking, eyes on the gravestone, “I’m trying to get back into life here, I mean, I’m sure if you’re out there somewhere you’ll know, I’ve started going back to work, and I can finally leave the house without Maria.” 

A lone tears drips down your cheek, which you brush away, “I’ve even made new friends, there’s this new guy here called Joel and his daughter, Ellie, well, he treats her like a daughter, but he lost his first daughter on outbreak day,” You’re rambling, even to his gravestone, you’re rambling, “Anyway, that’s not important.” 

You’re quiet for a moment because you really don’t know what to say, “I wish I didn’t miss you so much, Mark,” You sniff, “It would make this so much easier, but I think Joel might become more than my friend, I don’t even know how it’s happened Mark and I’m so sorry, I don’t feel like I’ve mourned you for long enough, but he’s a good man, he’s kind and God you’re so different from each other, but I think he might be good for me.” 

There’s such a relief in admitting this to yourself more than anything, that Joel might be good for you. You’ve always been different around him, whether you wanted to accept it all not. He could effortlessly pull smiles from you, make you laugh, make you cry when he was kind to you, he’d pushed you in ways you really needed. 

“I think I know you’d want me to be happy Mark,” You sniffle through tears, “But God, if you’re there, give me a sign, just give me something, I’m begging you,” You rub at your face, “Please?”

You don’t really understand what it was you were looking for. Before all this, your friends had told you that their loved ones came back as something to signal they were still around. You remember Jessica from your high school math class mentioning her grandfather came back to visit them as a bumblebee because he liked gardening. Your parents hadn’t reappeared as anything, you hadn’t noticed an abundance of anything that might signify that they were looking out for you, and this was no different. There was nothing, no birds singing in a tree that you could convince yourself was Mark. 

You drop your head into your knees and resign yourself to the feeling of emptiness when there’s a warmth on your back. You lift your head and turn around. The sun is breaking through the clouds behind you and when you look around, the sun is beaming directly onto you and Mark’s gravestone. A sob leaves your lungs and the biggest feeling of relief washes over you. Maybe it was the biggest coincidence you’ve ever known, but by God you’re going to take it. The sign you’d begged for. The sign that you knew you didn’t really need. The sign that Mark would want you to be happy, and if it’s Joel that did that, then so be it.

You rise to your knees and put a hand on the top of the gravestone, lightly pressing your lips to it, “Thank you.” Is all you whisper before you’re gone. 

PREV | NEXT

Joel Miller Taglist - @winwin70@jessie8605@trulybetty@amanitacowboy@morning-star-joy@tieronecrush@leeeesahhh@babeincolor@beee-haw@kirsteng42@mirandablue1@sixxslut@impala1967dwinchester@flash2412@gimmebackmysoul@kelp-dreaming@gracie7209@voteforpedro09@brittmb115@karokaroxx@amb11@heartfairy @grumpy-the-tired @Lillilotus @doctorstatic@morallyinept@southernbe@elissaa@pop-sugar102@u-luciferssatanicdaughter@alyhull@purplerain44@harryleatherfit@lovely-ateez@emilianamason @bootyliciousposts @lorilane33@casa-boiardi @cupofjoel @dinsdjrn @tightjeansjavi @cavillscurls

#Joel Miller #Joel Miller smut #Joel Miller angst #Joel Miller fic #Joel Miller fan fic #Joel Miller fanfiction #the last of us #the last of us hbo #tlou #tlou hbo #Pedro pascal #Joel Miller x reader #Joel Miller x you #Joel Miller x female reader #Joel Miller x f!reader #the last of us fanfiction #joel miller drabble #tlou smut #Joel Miller Pedro Pascal #GOY

[thewritingofspencerrose]

Freefall Masterlist

Grid, Meet Lynn. Charles, Meet Diana.

f1 shhh, don't tell their trainers, but parts of the grid went on an adventure today to a local bakery, and from what we've heard, it was amazing!

user16 don't gatekeep, tell us what bakery!

user002 it looks like the one that is in my town! it's owned by a really kind woman named diana, her daughter is dating charles_leclerc !! it's called dianamaes_bakery

"Charles, why are we outside a bakery?" Max is the one to question, glancing around the quaint english street that's buzzing with people. "I'd have expected Lando or Lewis to take us site seeing, but you?"

"I have someone who I'd like you to meet," Is all Charles uses as an explanation, Lando and Logan smirking from off to the side, the friendship that had gone primarily unknown surprising some of the group around them, other than Charles and Carlos.

The bell rings from the front of the shop, but I can't even take the moment to glance up with Mrs.Kline talking my ear off about how exciting she finds the car races that have come to town. It's when I finally get her order boxed up and in her hands that I glance up, a bright smile taking over my face upon seeing what is almost the entire Formula One grid, Charles approaching the register as Mrs.Kline leaves.

"Mon amor," He smiles, taking my hands and pulling me around the counter.

Oh, he's really putting on a show.

"Hey Charlie," I smile right back, getting on my toes to peck him on the lips, letting him pull me into his arms.

"Charles, do you have something you'd like to share with the class?" George Russell questions, prompting Charles and I to pull away, his arm staying around my waist.

His eyes meet mine, silently asking if I'm prepared for what he's about to do, but after kissing in front of all of them, we can't just leave it at that, so I nod.

"Boys, this is Lynnleigh Earnhardt, my girlfriend for the last two months," He introduces, the boys eyes getting wide. "Lynn, these are the men from the grid I am closest to. Pierre Gasly, George Russell, Alex Albon, Carlos Sainz, Max Verstappen, and then you know Lando and Logan."

"Finally, took long enough for L3 to be reunited," Logan states, coming up and hugging me tightly, Lan doing the same. "We blame you mate."

"Yes, blame the student, not the F1 drivers that travel the world. If you were both in London more often..."

"Yeah yeah that's enough out of you, where's my favorite Hamlin woman?" Lando questions, looking around dramatically before making his way behind the counter to the kitchen.

"I'm going to assume you three knew each other prior to Lando being Lando?" Alex asks, picking up on the dynamic in front of him.

"Lando and I met during my summers here as a child, and Logan and I met at a race in the states that his parents brought him to when he was considering driving for a living," I explain, the fellow American at my side nodding along.

"Her dad is Dale Earnhardt, a NASCAR driver. Took an hour out of his day to chat with me about the different options for driving professionally and carting differences," Lo adds, messing with my hair.

"AND LOOK WHO I FOUND," Lando's loud voice yells, coming out of the back with his arm wrapped around my mom's shoulder as she blushes wildly.

"I'm sorry about him Diane, you know how he is," Lo apologizes, going up and hugging her.

"Is this your mother?" Charles whispers in my ear, his body having tensed. "She looks like you."

A compliment of the highest nature, I take his hand in mine, pulling him towards Mum and the boys.

"Mum, this is Charles, my boyfriend, and his friends Pierre, Carlos, Max, Alex, and George. "Charles and boys, this is my mum Diana Mae Hamlin."

"Oh I've heard so much about you boys between L3's different rants over the years," Mum acknowledges after shared hellos, "Although my daughter is the one who can just never stop talking about you," She adds, looking at Charles and making me want to shrink inside myself and away from his eyes that I can feel.

"Mum," I can't help the groan that I release, no matter how much it makes me sound like a child. "Would you stop?"

"Fine, fine," She relents, holding her hands in surrender. "Don't worry, I won't embarrass you much more my love. Would you boys like a treat?"

"Oh, ma'am, we have have strict diets as professional -"

"Drivers, yes, yes, I know, I had a child with one, I know the diets you boys go on," Mum reminds, making me shake my head once more. I don't know why meeting everyone here felt like a good idea. "But you can certainly take a treat for after your race tomorrow," is her insistence, and it's only a moment later that all the men are nodding slowly, agreeing freely that yes, I suppose that won't be a problem.

"You're a lot like your mother, stubborn," Charles whispers in my ear, arms wrapped around my waist as we watch his coworkers actively defy their trainers.

"Hey now-"

"Beautiful, kind," He adds, chuckling. "You had to let me finish before you freaked out, mon amour."

I smile now, leaning up to kiss his cheek, "She is, isn't she?"

But he just shakes his head, and all of this makes me feel like I'm living in a dream.

"And the point of my words were, so are you."

#original character #the writing of spencer rose #formula 1 fanfiction #fake dating #charles leclerc x oc #charles leclerc fanfic #earnhardt oc #formula 1 #freefall series

[dollywheeler]

October 2nd, 1996

Dear diary,

Apparently, mom has run out of things to clean and is in instead coping with her nerves by continuing to sort through the stuff in the basement. She said she'd noticed some things while we'd been clearing space that she thought Mike might want back. It's already waiting by the door, as if she wants to make sure she doesn't forget - as if she only has one chance to give it to them. I almost tripped over the box when I rushed into the house to change and shower before coming here.

I don't think I'm nervous about it anymore. Sure, I'm worried about Mike and mom interacting - I have no idea what to expect from that. The theater had already been awkward enough that was only a conversation of about five minutes. Now they'll be spending the entire evening together. Hell, do they even know how to cook? Mike's letter said he could, but I just assumed he meant being able to boil potatoes and cook sausages to an acceptable degree.

It's going to be weird seeing him host.

The first time with Nancy had been weird like that too, seeing mom be the guest for once instead of the one in charge. Except, Nancy had been happy to let mom help, recognising mom's instinct to take care of her children. I doubt Mike will let her even step foot in the kitchen. Mike has always been stubborn like that.

I think he's caught on to me and Daniel - I mean, obviously he should have seen us at the dance, but he disappeared for a huge chunk of the night so I thought he'd missed most of the slow dancing. By the time I noticed him and Will return, the night was almost over and everyone was making the most of dancing with all their friends one last time. Still, he has this knowing look on his face when he watches us now, like he's sizing Daniel up. If he dares give his opinion though I might strangle him. So far he hasn't said anything, but he's generally been really good at being professional at school.

He doesn't go out of his way to talk to me unless I approach him first - which I only did to ask more details about Friday. Maybe I'm starting to look forward to it. Just a little bit. I just want to know what their house looks like from the inside, and even though it's going to be awkward talking about what they've been up to the last eight years, I can't help but be curious what life has been like for them outside of Hawkins.

The Stevenson's hallway light just started flickering, so I had to grab a chair and screw the bulb in tighter. Luckily that seems to have done the trick.

I hate when lights do that; it always sends chills down my spine. It's funny because I know it's nothing, it's literally just a faulty bulb, and yet I'm bothered by it. Sandy would joke it's because it wreaks havoc on my sense of perfection, which honestly might be the case. Blaming that one nightmare would make more sense, except nothing about that dream had been all that frightening. I think about it often, so even if it had been scary at one point, it's just a cool curiosity to me now, a weird association my brain makes; table lamp -> weird dream I had when I should have been too young to remember.

Speaking of; I handed in my final assignment for Will's class but I don't know if Will liked it. I mean, I think it's as well as I could have made it - even though the details on the wallpaper are lacking - but he always gets this weirdly pinched expression when he looks at it. Usually I would assume it was disappointment, like he'd hoped I would have done better, but even I'm proud of my drawing so I doubt that's the case. We'll see when I get the grade back.

Anyway, I'm going to get back to practicing guitar. I got distracted playing - or at least attempting to - 4 Non Blondes before, but I should get back to Where's My Mind? so that I can at least play one full song before jumping onto other things.

Love, Holly

#holly wheeler #the third wheeler #mike wheeler #stranger things #fanfic #byler #will byers

[willowser]

edit to add: it's because of this incredible fanart that i got this brainworm

no bc i need to talk about this, like i'm NOT DONE like bakugou as your next door neighbor !! since you were a child !! and it's a nice neighborhood and his parents seem well adjusted and have clean-cut professional jobs and hold dinner parties with your parents and they're always bringing something delicious for the neighborhood new year's get together.

BUT THEIR SON IS A LITTLE HELLION. the kid that had a mohawk in middle school and made fun of you for not using cuss words until you were like 13. and he's not a bad kid, bc he still is at the top of all his classes and never breaks the law or anything -- but he comes to school after his 16th birthday with a piercing through the middle of his lip and the clothes he wears are black and baggy and he drives an old beat up, cherry red shelby mustang and you're pretty sure he got the tattoo on his forearm before he was 18.

and your dad is like. absolutely not. don't even look at that boy. can't even be caught dead with him.

you've been neighbors for almost your entire life, but it's not like you're really friends. hung out together when there was no one else and your dad was too busy talking about the upcoming season for fishing and golfing to notice. your mom doesn't mind so much bc he's really not terrible, just a wicked little brat, and the week he started playing the drums, nobody in a five mile radius got any sleep. still blares music with open windows and turns it up even louder when you wave at him from across the lawn to shut up.

at graduation, he accepts his diploma -- summa cum laude, of course, the little shit -- and almost gets kicked off stage for sticking his tongue out in the picture. wears all this smudged liner under his eyes and gels his hair out at a million different angles. bc he's the WORST. and your parents try to throw a combined graduation party bc it's easier to plan, but of course bakugou could care less. doesn't even show up until the very end, after most of everyone is gone. counts all the money from the congrats grad! cards he got and then tells you,

"'m gettin' the fuck out of here after this."

you don't think he means the party.

"hate this shit," he grumbles, and you're surprised that he's even talking to you. in his backyard, in front of the beautifully built fire pit for those cold fall nights. it's still hot in june, but he lit it out of spite, bc he doesn't mind the heat. "never gonna be like these fuckin' losers, worried about what everyone else thinks of me 'n shit. oh the HOA will be upset if we decorate the lawn with skeletons, fuck you."

it makes you laugh--he kind of always does, with how crass he can be--and he looks at you, sitting in the wicker chair beside him. he looks like he's glowing in the fire light, liner looking even darker with the shadows on his face. he's traded the stud in his lip for a little hoop in his septum, another in his eyebrow almost hidden in his hair.

"know your ass is gonna stick around here," he says it like an accusation, frowning. "gonna fuckin'--look for some prince charming, tuxedo mask douchebag. shack up and buy a house in the hills or somethin'."

"maybe," you shrug, earning a scoff from him. now that high school is over, the future seems so--open ended. you thought you'd be prepared by now, after all that your parents have tried to instill in you since elementary school, but. you don't know. maybe you don't want to go to law school. "or maybe i'll--join a rock band. dye my hair pink and split my tongue, or something."

you stick your tongue out for emphasis and he watches you closely, sticking his own out in response. when you laugh again, he shuffles in his seat and looks away.

"whatever." bakugou snorts, "you don't know the first thing about bein' in a band. i'd have to teach you everything."

"oh, you think you could?"

"hell yeah," he grins, wicked, all sharp teeth and sin. "learn from the fuckin' master."

"oh my god," you roll your eyes, but smile at him anyway. his eyes dart down to the curve of your lips, the apple of your cheeks, and then he's looking away again. speaking into the fire instead.

"i mean i guess i could, if you wanted, or whatever." the only fully painted fingernail remaining on his left hand is his pinky, and he picks at with interest. "if you--wanna come with me, not like i give a shit."

you try to picture it, you and him. katsuki. in the passenger seat of his car with nothing but clothes in a backpack, money stuffed in your pockets. wherever he's going--you don't even know--but it couldn't be too bad, with him. stopping in a motel when the driving gets old, buying snacks to feed him so he doesn't have to take his eyes off the road. he could be there when you get your first tattoo, and even though he'd make fun of you no matter what you choose, you don't think there's anyone else you would want there but him.

"when are we leaving?" you ask it to the sky, open and unending. dark and dazzling just like him.

from the corner of your eye, you can see him look at you for a long time before he snorts again, soft. disappointed, almost, because he knows it could never be. your fate has already been sealed, molded, starting from the day you moved in next door, and no matter how much you'd love to throw caution to the wind and follow him--it's just a dream.

"first thing tomorrow," he murmurs, and your heart thumps harder in your chest. so violent that it hurts. when you look at him, his face is turned up to the sky, too. "don't be late."

#bye the fanart i'm finished #the emo in me is like -- living #also bad guy x good girl trope is like such a classic #and i am still a sucker for it hfhaehfieah #semi kind of friends that have to part ways after high school is over kick me straight in the heart #all the things he wants to say !!! bc he's running out of time !!! #he's RUN OUT of time !!! #but what would it change anyway ?? two separate paths in life... #bye i made myself sad with this LOL #also road trip au PLEASE #okay okay i'm done i got it out of my system #bakugou drabble #✿ willow writes #✿ thoughts: bakugou

[powertaco]

Vol 9 Spoiler Rant (aka I have waited and thought on it and still dont’ like it/Ranting ahead

I hate Volume 9

I’ll start by saying that upfront so you aren’t shocked or surprised by a conclusion later down the line, and can leave if the notion of disliking it offends you.

I don’t doubt I’ll get many blocks or people who disagree with this take, which is fair since I’m putting the opinion out there and should be able to take it on the chin or stand by it. 

This will contain spoilers for V9, my thoughts on a lot of things, ships, and what not so if you want to turn back now the back button is over yonder.

If it’s disjointed I apologize but I’m not feeling my best, and the longer I think about it the more I dislike it and I’m sick of pretending and being toxically positive about it.

First off I’ll get a few things out of the way as things I approve of. 

The animation has largely grown phenomenally. There’s a few moments that are a little out of it (yo why you got a 3 foot neck Weiss?), but for the most part considering where we came from in the bass on the wall days of Volume 1. Big win here. 

The music. Good work Casey. Red Like Roses 3 is a banger, inside is great, and checkmate is…something. Overall good stuff. 

VA work. Good deal. Rob nails his ‘surprise’ villain as he always nails his roles but people seem to be putting their all into it. No hate here, and these guys clearly brought their A game. Good work!

This volume as a whole is very middling to me, bordering on bad depending on if or how V10 recontextualizes things that happened, which I will try to go into later. 

Essentially if you were a big fan of Bees this might be one of your favorites, but if you’re just kinda neutral to them like me then the volume didn’t have a lot to offer you and didn’t do much to really move the story forward.

Remember when Ambro said don’t fall in V8 like it was a big ominous thing, and remember how it ended up being almost entirely beneficial? Yeah so V9 was like that. Setting up stuff for an instant week to week payoff regardless of if it hurt the story or not cause we need that interest spiked to greenlight V10. 

For a Volume that took so long to make the entire thing is remarkably rushed. 

Why do Ruby and Weiss talk so little? Serious question. Even if you don’t ship them they’re supposed to be canon best friends, and yet they share almost as many lines together in the last few seasons as they do with Ren. In case you were wondering that’s not many. 

We had a reduced cast of characters and almost none of them can actually be bothered to interact meaningfully.

Why does Weiss and everyone keep ditching Ruby except Little? Ruby has a basically perfect assassin after her, and in the market everyone ditches her cause of nose hairs. 

But what can they do against Neo? Nothing, but they could maybe point her out, or talk and help distract her rather than leaving her to her own devices when she’s clearly not feeling well. 

Sometimes having someone there for you can help a lot, but instead we need to have Weiss backslide and the others abandon her so she can be alone to meet the smith. 

This is bad writing. I’m sorry but it is. Had this been Volume 1-3 Weiss? Sure I could buy this, but this is not that Weiss. If you need to have Ruby be alone to meet the smith, work harder. You had years for this. This would have gotten a C at best in a writing class with a see me after class/don’t keep using coincidences like this note attached to it. 

If you’re going to tell me I’m not a professional writer so I can’t critique then that’s asinine. I don’t drive trucks for a living but if I see one ramp off a cliff and into a pit I can tell you that, that guy/gal has messed up.

If Weiss wanted to help cheer on or try to get Bees together then that’s an even worse reason as the aforementioned ASSASSIN is after her partner.

“Oh but Neo wouldn’t attack in a busy market!” My guy do you know Neo “i live only to murder this woman’ AT ALL? There’s an amusing quote I can ascribe to her actions “i will kill as many people as I have to as long as you are one of them!” 

There was a reason the meme, ‘squads that would treat Ruby better’ was going around through volume 9 and even included pictures of villains. 

Blake and Ruby never talk outside of that one scene in V8, and Yang has focused way more on Blake and way less on being a sister. 

I’ve seen people defend her actions as being a target for her sister’s actions when she steps in front of Blake, but please note Yang just let her yell at Weiss and did nothing, until she starts yelling at Blake. 

Yeah, no I’m sorry she lets her have a go at Weiss and then when her girlfriend is getting her feefees hurt then she steps in. Her talking to her sister after the hound was nice (but again prob would have been a decent Weiss moment)

That’s bullshit. Had Yang stepped in or tried to when she was talking to Weiss then I could buy this, but as is it’s just another thing to hold against her. 

The bees eat a lot of screentime. If you’re a bee fan this is great. If you want story progression, this is not. 

The world bends and revolves around them very literally. We need to have a confession bridge show up so they can confess but we can’t get a ‘you have to talk about what’s bothering you’ camp you can’t leave until you talk things out for Ruby?

What are the rules of ever after? Basically w/e so the only reason Ruby can’t get that is cause well we want a breakdown. Again great writing. 

But let’s talk about it. Ruby has a breakdown. She complains there’s no time for her. It’s tragic because she’s put a lot of stuff on her own shoulders and internalized it. 

Good acting here, even from Jaune. 

Weiss puts out a hand and she flies away. 

When our heroes next see her she’s drank suicide tea. You can claim after the fact that ascension isn’t that (but i’m sorry that’s how it’s framed and the whole zooming into Yang’s eye thing is explicitly treated like it’s meant to be a big deal and get people talking)

Tragic truly, but you know what she believes in herself now, and now she’s all better. Her depression and desire to die are gone. I don’t know how it helps with Salem, as I’d be willing to bet Summer also believed in herself but it didn’t seem to help her much. If they go more into this in V10 I will retract this and accept it but I’m not in the mood to be forgiving to them atm.

Also again right after Ruby ‘kills’ herself they stop to help Jaune…just I’m sorry what?

Jaune still takes up too much time and serves a role that’s almost not needed and I don’t even hate or dislike him. His interesting development is stripped away at the end. 

By deaging Jaune now they can’t explain where they were with any real proof. A few scroll pics of a weird cat thing isn’t going to cut it. 

He has a few gray stripes and will likely go back to acting like he normally does and other than Nora ragging him about them once or twice will likely not be mentioned again. He may on occasion get to say something ‘wise’ but I’m doubting it since he went back to being the same almost right away. 

So rather than an aged, mature, and slightly damaged man going back and having to relate to his friends/people he knew he’s the same. Awesome development. 

Plus side is that now that deaging is canon DWR can still win! Anyway he takes entirely too much focus away. 

Ruby complains about how they have no time cause they have to help Jaune, and what do they do almost instantly after she ‘kills’ herself? Stop and help Jaune. It’s tonal whiplash. 

I get that JNPR are supposed to be deuteragonist but holy hell almost all the time goes to Jaune who is by far the least interesting of the bunch imo even with all the time dumped into him. 

Can we get more Ren and Nora? This could have been a good way for Nora to ‘learn’ who she is without Ren. 

If Nora had fallen(say off her hammer into the void at the start from Cinder during the scuffle with Penny in the air) and they met a wizened Nora who tried to act chipper but was clearly putting up a front it would be a great foil/combo with Ruby. 

It would also make her reuniting with Ren and being ready for a relationship in the next volume all the sweeter. 

We spend an episode on the red prince. Neat. You know what would have been better for it? Almost anything else, say perhaps after Ruby’s ‘suicide’ they spend a few frantic minutes trying to get to the tree until they see the reincarnated paper pleasers and then are like oh, ok so she’ll prob come back/be alright instead of just ‘we did what we can’. 

Girl I love you Weiss but you all did jack shit. You made one half hearted effort and stopped, and then every time Ruby might have gotten to talk they needed to help Jaune or something interrupted. 

Good work being the best partner ever by the way especially when Ruby spends a large portion of the volume helping you with all your problems and rushing to your side without a bit of hesitation and in return you muster up…about nothing. 

They did it in genlock and did it twice in this volume and arguably with Penny/Vine last volume. “Suicide is great!” Please stop doing this. 

Speaking of Penny if you like her you might want to get CRWBY to be pallbearers at your funeral so they can let you down one last time. 

If you liked Nuts’ and Dolts even more condolences. They’d have many chances to imply deeper feelings than friendship between them and take none of them. Her farewell song is called Friend where she talks about being friends with Ruby. 

During the fight with her clones, the Penny clone never once says she loves her. This is Neo, mouse killer and person with the largest hateboner for Ruby in the show. 

She is twisting the knife as much as she can so you can bet if she thought there was even an inkling there was more than friendly feelings between them she’d have had the clone say she loved her just to do that little bit more mental damage, but she didn’t. 

If there was ever a time to bring it up to put her off balance it was now. Neo is under no pressure and has no reason to not do so, so it basically sinks the ship. Well more than her being dead already does. 

I swear to god if they go to Vacuo and Pietro is in a coma or dead and there’s a new Penny I’m going to call Akira Toriyama and tell him RWBY is aping Dragon Ball because there’s no stakes in life or death anymore. 

Oh right, speaking of Neo she’s pretty ok until the end where she decides she’s cool with Ruby, gets to get the kill on the cat and then just bows out and leaves, and everyone is…strangely cool with that. 

Ascension or not I’m just struggling to think that any of them should just want her to essentially get away scot free. This woman tried to kill Ruby or get her to commit suicide and killed Little and we’re cool with letting her go because she killed the cat who was no longer a threat to them and did a hat doff? Um…yeah sure. I bet Yang is ok with people almost killing her sister, Weiss her best friend, etc. Then again maybe these versions of the characters are. 

I don’t care much about how ascension will change her; she's paid for nothing she’s done. “Get your revenge and you’ll get it and still get away scoTt free’. Ok last of us two. 

I can not overstate how pointless the suicide feels. 

It feels like they wanted her to do it, but have it not ‘take’ or have consequences because they’re in ever after and can say ‘hey the ascension thing fixes it’. 

Look, I'm glad the bees got together. Really I’m happy for you, but if you take out the Bee stuff, and the pining you’re left with a threadbare story that is only barely there since it’s all resolved in about five minutes. 

We all deserve better than that. The characters deserve better than that. 

I could keep going as this just scratches the surface level but it’s pissing me off to keep thinking about it. 

#rwby #taco rambling hour #rwby volume 9 #spoilers #volume 9 spoilers #didn't like it that much #sorry #kinda long #my b #bumbleby #nuts and dolts #whiterose

[vote-gaara]

Tips For Writing Dialogue for Gaara - An Essay

Hello fic writers, today we're going to be taking a class on writing dialogue for Kazekage/Adult Gaara.

One of the biggest tragedies of the entire Naruto series is that we never actually got a good, solid chance to see Gaara interact on a personable level which leaves us having a hard time understanding how Gaara would react in friendly situations.

From canon and filler content, we get a glimpse of some of his communicative tendencies:

He's bad at interpersonal relationships and for that reason he finds them bothersome.

He's reserved, almost to a fault.

Uno reserve that and he trauma dumps/overshares to anyone and everyone no matter how inappropriate or weird the situation.

Often says some ambiguous and philosophical statement that kinda makes you wonder what the hell he's thinking.

(My favourite) He's super polite at times but extremely sassy at others.

From these tendencies, you start to get a image of a character who's actually kinda polar opposite of themselves.

How can you have someone who cares so much about protecting other people, yet finds engaging in interpersonal discussion or small talk with these same people cumbersome?

How do you have someone who is so taciturn and yet is so willing to lay their soul bare, sometimes for the world to see?

How do you get someone who is so professional and polite, and yet could roast you like you're a turkey at Thanksgiving?

Nature Vs Nurture

The answer lies in the "nature" of that person, and in this case, we're talking about Gaara's true nature. The one that you see when he talks to Yashamaru as a child, the person who tries to help the children of the village so that he could be their friend.

The true nature of Gaara is someone who wants to connect and socialize with other people. That's where you see the politeness, the philosophical and deeply honest emotional statements, and the person who wants to help and protect other people.

At his core, Gaara is a social person, so why isn't he? Why does he struggle so hard in communication to people outside of business related socialization?

You probably guessed it. The way Gaara was raised works against his inner nature which makes for an interesting character dynamic.

Immovable object, meet the unstoppable force.

One of the themes in Naruto is how shinobi should suppress their feelings, that only those who feel nothing can truly be strong. This is why Naruto himself was such an underdog. He was constantly putting his friends and ideals first, and his missions and his power last.

Gaara received this same training, but in a way that would inevitably break him. Mix that trauma with isolation and the result is someone who has an underdeveloped inner nature that is still in there, but is like a broken bird who can't fly...

Essentially you get Gaara.

Writing Dialouge for Gaara - Some Tips & Pitfalls.

Why is all the above important?

Well because Gaara happens to be an extremely tough character to write for, especially in fics where you are trying to develop him romantically or as a friend.

How can you strike this balance between Gaara's nature and his traumatic nurture? Here are a few things to think about...

Pitfall #1: Mute & Emotionless

Most people tend to make Gaara too mute, or they mistakenly attribute his quietness for him being emotionless. This is not true. In fact, everything about Gaara's character suggests he's more emotional than not.

Having a stoic demeanor does not equal inhuman levels of emotional numbness.

How to avoid:

When you're writing dialogue for Gaara, ask yourself if this is important? Does this thing that is being said by him need to be said?

Gaara finds friendly conversations and small talk bothersome, not because he doesn't want to be part of these conversation, but because he's bad at them.

When writing for Gaara, let him state things that are important first. Give him time to warm up before having characters encourage his emotional side. With the right coaxing, he will be able to have a perfectly normal conversation, albeit a little sentimental.

Example:

"What's the whether like today?"

"Very low chance of sandstorms, so your mission shouldn't be hindered." Gaara said without looking up from his paperwork.

"I wonder what the clouds look like today, I've always found them calming."

"I see," Gaara's attention finally pulled from his work as he looked up.

"Do you ever look at the clouds and look for shapes?"

"Sometimes..." Gaara said, "On missions, Temari would sometimes point up at the sky and would tell us what shapes she saw."

"That sounds really cute."

"It was nice. I cherish those memories."

Pitfall #2: He doesn't yell

This is going to sound super strange, but please let Gaara yell. LET HIM YELL...Or...at the very least, let him raise his voice.

This leans on the habit people have of making him emotionless or overly stoic. Let the boy be unhinged sometimes, please.

How to avoid:

Gaara has and does yell in the series, but in very specific circumstances.

Gaara remains cool under the pressure of battle, and he's also very calm when his own life is in danger, but he does get loud when it counts. For example, when he's rallying people or when someone he doesn't expect to show up at the battlefield shows up *cough cough* Naruto *cough cough*.

Just know that if you are giving Gaara the opportunity to be a little melodramatic, make sure you center him just as fast as the emotions came on. Gaara had excellent emotional control, so when the big ones do burst through, he's quick to seal them again.

Pitfall #3: No sense of humor

If you think Gaara doesn't have a sense of humor, I feel for you because he's subtly quite hilarious...albeit in a very mean-spirited way. If you like sass, you're gonna love the deadpan, dry-humored, high-brow comedy that he has hiding behind that poker face.

Also, he likes puns. He actually LOVES puns, and most of his jutsus (and his favourite food) are puns.

How to fix:

If you're not quick, you'll miss it because Gaara doesn't laugh at his own jokes and he offers those roasts served cold, on the deadest pan there is in the kitchen.

Honestly, just write him being sassy and then when a character asks "are you serious D: ?" Just have Gaara say "no."

It is also a little trial and error as to if Gaara is joking or not. If Gaara says something that kinda sounds like a joke, have your character laugh, if you have Gaara respond irritated, he wasn't joking; if he let's your character have their chuckle, he wasn't serious and is probably secretly pleased with himself for making someone laugh.

Also, if your character does laugh at something he says and Gaara is irritated with them because he wasn't joking, just have your character laugh harder. Why? Because what are you even doing if you're not writing to torment Gaara in social situations?

Besides, the hell is he gonna do about it, anyways?

Pitfall #4: He's become too talkative.

Now you're meeting me on the other side of the spectrum. The side where Gaara goes from robot to overly emotional and talkative.

Let me be frank with you, writing Gaara is a delicate balance that is super difficult because you could justify a lot of actions....under the right circumstances.

Yes, Gaara is an overshare-er sometimes, yes he sometimes natters on and on like a fool, yes sometimes he even says something way out of left field and everyone is like "we have to pretend we understand we know what he's talking about because he's Kazekage and it's polite."

Here' my tip for you:

Be clumsy with it.

Gaara tends to overshare when he feels someone is similar to him, he also tends to air his dirty laundry when something is really important and he wants someone to understand exactly how important that thing is. Gaara gets talkative as a polar opposite to his quietness in a way to demonstrate emphasis.

It's like when someone you know who never swears suddenly drops an F-bomb in a sentence and your ears perk up because there has to be a reason why your wholesome friend just channeled their inner-sailor.

Gaara talks a lot when he's trying to emphasis something important. Mostly these long monologues will be about Naruto, or his past, or something really emotionally biting. Sometimes they're in really weird moments with no regard for who's within ear shot.

Now there's another side to Gaara.

There's another internal chatterbox that can come out of him sometimes, and it's always really adorable when it does.

For those of you who have social anxiety and who overcompensate by chatting on and on and on....You feel me, and you feel Gaara, too.

Gaara is really bad at social situations, and for that reason he will flounder and get all flustered, and he will talk...And he'll talk...And he'll TALK in a loop he doesn't want to be in.

Did you want to know how far the price of iron fell in the Land of Wind's market?

No? Me either!

And yet Gaara has been monolauging about it in immense detail for the past 3 minutes. You don't want to hear about it, and he doesn't even want to talk about it himself, but it's too late. The flood gates are open and it's like a ball tumbling down a hill....Down, down, down it goes into conversational hell.

Is it awkward?

YES

Will Gaara plant himself in the corner and not talk for the rest of the social situation after he finds the courage to close his mouth?

YES

It it necessary to write him in these situations?

YES!

Do it. Condemn him to his corner of embarrassment for his social blunder, because honestly, that's why we love him. We love him because he's literally no different than any other human being who acts clumsily in a social situation for no reason other than that day they woke up unable to word-mouth-noise right (ever have those off days?).

The Golden Tip: How to force Gaara to talk instead of staying quiet.

This is actually a really fun tip, but if you're writing dialogue for Gaara in your fic, and you're unsure what you want him to say, pretend the conversation is taking place over text message instead.

This forces Gaara to talk, and also helps you to explore different ways Gaara may communicate with your character.

For fun, here are a few examples with an OC named Kaiya:

Hope this helps!

Happy writing dialogue for Gaara!

#gaara

[moodymelanist]

The Valkyries

Happy Day 5 of @nessianweek, y’all! I hope you enjoy this one<3

Summary: Cassian goes to see a band perform and falls hard for the woman with the red bass.

Word Count: 2,505

Warnings: Smoking

Read on AO3 here!

✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵

Cassian

When Azriel had invited him to see his girlfriend’s band perform, Cassian simply had no idea what he was getting himself into.

It had been a long week of teaching the little shits otherwise known as twelve-year-old history students, so when Azriel dropped the flyer in the Inner Circle group chat and asked them to come with him, Cassian hadn’t hesitated to say yes. He needed a break, he hadn’t seen Az and Gwyn in a while, and he loved a good concert. 

When the fated Saturday night came around, Cassian took his time getting ready and made sure to clean up his place somewhat – maybe he’d get lucky tonight. It was a short drive to The Rainbow, and Cassian was grateful he was able to find parking only a block or two away.

Once he got inside, it was almost too easy spotting Az and Gwyn in the crowd. Azriel was dressed in his usual all black, but even in the low light of the bar, Gwyn’s fiery hair shone like a beacon. Cassian made a quick stop at the bar to get himself a beer before he went up to them.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Cassian joked once he got close enough. Azriel rolled his eyes but gave him a one-handed hug as Gwyn laughed, clearly delighted to see him here.

“Class clown as always,” she replied, her eyes twinkling with amusement. “Thanks for coming.”

“I’m just glad I could see the show before you get too famous,” he responded with a grin.

“If I get famous for anything, I hope it’s for my research,” she countered. Gwyn was easily one of the smartest people Cassian knew, as she had a Ph.D. in psychology and could talk for hours about her research on authenticity and diversity in the workplace. She also taught a class or two every semester at the University of Prythian, so she and Cassian had bonded over their shared teaching experiences.

They made small talk for another fifteen minutes or so, catching up on gossip since the last time they’d seen each other. Apparently, Mor and her girlfriend Andromache had broken up, so she couldn’t make it because she was busy packing her stuff from the other woman’s apartment. Amren was still on vacation with her boyfriend Varian, and rarely responded to the group chat as it was, so nobody really knew what she was up to.

Rhys showed up only a few minutes before Gwyn and her band were going to perform, apologizing profusely and buying them more beers. He served as a representative for Velaris County on the state legislature, and one of the town halls had ran late so he’d busted his ass to get there on time. 

“I didn’t miss anything, did I?” Rhys asked, still somewhat out of breath. He handed his friends their beers before taking a deep swig of his own.

“No, they’re getting ready to go on now,” Azriel responded. He pointed with his beer to the small stage at the front of the bar, where a small crowd was beginning to gather. The three of them were tall enough that they wouldn’t have any trouble seeing over most people’s heads, so they decided to stay where they were until closer to the show getting started.

Cassian watched as Gwyn and three other women began setting up for their performance. Gwyn had changed into a tight, black leather dress with a zipper down the entire front, complete with a pair of matching thigh-high leather boots. He watched as she quickly adjusted her microphone and tapped it a few times to make sure it was on before turning to help the rest of her bandmates lug out some heavy-looking amps. They seemed like they’d be at that for a while, so he turned back to his friends and began teasing Rhys about his outfit.

“Sorry for looking professional while serving your sorry ass,” Rhys quipped back, earning a laugh from Azriel. Rhys had had the good sense to leave his suit jacket in his car, but used his free hand to loosen his tie so it wasn’t so tight around his neck. “Better?”

“Much,” Cassian replied with a laugh. “It stopped me from making a complaint with your office, at least.”

Rhys rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “Like that’s stopped you from bothering my office before.”

Cassian laughed again, ready to keep making fun of Rhys, but then the lights started dimming and a bit of a hush fell over the crowd. Azriel took that as his cue to start moving the three of them forward closer to the stage, and they eventually made it to the middle of the crowd; close enough to clearly see the stage, but not so close that they’d be getting jostled too badly if the crowd decided to get crazy.

“Thank you all for coming out,” Gwyn said into the microphone. She motioned to her bandmates behind her and added, “We’re The Valkyries, and you can find us here again next month. We’re gonna do some of our own stuff mixed in with some classics, and if you like us, you can stream us on Spotify and Apple Music.”

As the Valkyries launched into the first song of their set, Cassian had to fight to keep his jaw from dropping. He hadn’t doubted Gwyn’s talents, as he’d heard her angelic voice countless times over, but he had no idea their band was so good. At least, that’s what he told himself the reason for his shock was. It absolutely had nothing to do with the most stunning woman he’d ever seen in his life playing the bass.

She was tall, only a handful of inches shorter than Gwyn, but it was a little hard to tell from how far Cassian was from the stage. She had on a leather halter top laced together in the middle in a way that pushed up her generous breasts and showed off her flat stomach, paired with black jeans and thick black boots. Her bass was dark red, the same color as her nails and lipstick, and coincidentally the shade of red Cassian liked best.

It was hard to make out from the distance, but Cassian thought she might have some kind of tattoo between her breasts. He prayed he’d get the chance to see it up close, along with the rest of her tattoos. She had a half sleeve on her left arm of what looked like flames at the top, flowers in the middle, and a large crescent moon at the bottom.

He liked the tattoos almost as much as he liked her face. She was focused on playing, rocking her body in time with the beat as her fingers moved expertly across the strings of her bass guitar. Her bronze hair was pulled back from her face in a high ponytail, keeping the long waves out of her gorgeous face.

Cassian was so mesmerized throughout the set that he didn’t notice the knowing looks Rhys and Azriel were exchanging across him. He only had eyes for her , the way her entire body leaned into the music, the tiny smiles she exchanged with her bandmates when things went well and the way she scrunched her nose in distaste when someone messed up.

By the time the show was over, Cassian had subscribed to the band on every known social media platform and made sure to like his favorites out of the songs they’d performed. He noticed they’d only performed songs also performed by women – his personal favorite had been their cover of Blondie’s Call Me – but he’d liked their original music, too. 

“They were really good,” Cassian said as the crowds began to thin out. They had moved closer to the bar while they waited for Gwyn and her bandmates, and he ordered some water just for something to do. 

“Don’t sound so surprised,” Azriel replied dryly. “I have been telling you how good they were for months.”

“He only cares now because they’re all hot,” Rhys teased, earning his payback from Cassian’s earlier ribbing. He barely dodged Cassian’s half-hearted punch, but it didn’t stop him and Azriel from laughing at the look on Cassian’s face. “You’re not exactly denying it, Cass.”

“Whatever,” Cassian grumbled. He resolutely ignored the knowing grins on his brothers’ faces. “I plead the Fifth.”

Gwyn and her bandmates picked that moment to return from backstage, all four of them still wearing the outfits they’d worn on stage. All that leather and skin on display from afar had been one thing, but seeing them up close was doing unspeakable things for Cassian’s overactive imagination.

“You were amazing,” Azriel complimented, giving Gwyn a rare smile as he opened his arms to her. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you,” Gwyn replied. She came in close for a hug before stepping back, leaving her boyfriend’s arm slung around her shoulders as she looked around at everyone else. “Thanks for coming, also.”

“Of course,” Rhys and Cassian replied in unison. Rhys shot Cassian a knowing smirk before he said, “Gwyn, introduce us to your bandmates.”

“Oh! Sorry, I forgot that you’ve all never met face-to-face because I talk about you all so much.” Gwyn pointed to everyone in turn. “This is Emerie, Cresseida, and Nesta, also known as The Valkyries. Ladies, these are my boyfriend’s brothers Rhysand and Cassian. You all know Azriel already, of course.”

Nesta , Cassian turned over in his mind. It was a name he hadn’t heard before, but that was fitting for a woman the likes of he’d never seen before.

“Just Rhys is fine by me,” Rhys responded with a smile. He raised his beer at the band’s direction in an approximation of a toast. “You were incredible up there.”

Emerie smiled, her brown skin shining prettily under the low lights of the bar. “Thanks, just Rhys. Glad you enjoyed the show.”

“Hope you enjoyed it enough to come back to the next one,” Cresseida said with a smirk. She slung an arm around Emerie’s waist, tipping her head of silvery curls onto the other woman’s shoulder with a little sigh. “And to stream our music.”

“Don’t worry, my favorites are already in my playlist,” Cassian promised, somehow managing to find his voice now that he was up close to them. To Nesta . Seeing all that skin on display and not being able to touch was a true exercise of patience, but hopefully by the end of the night things would be looking up. 

“Thanks for your dedication,” Nesta replied. Her gray-blue eyes swept over him and he fought the urge to fidget under that powerful stare, especially once he realized she had an eyebrow piercing through her right brow. 

Cassian somehow managed not to swallow his tongue when he realized she was blatantly checking him out. “No problem.”

“I’m gonna step out for a smoke,” Nesta announced to the group. She dug into the back pocket of her obscenely tight jeans and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter before shooting Cassian a meaningful look. “I’ll be back in a few.”

Nesta had barely turned and disappeared into the crowd before Rhys was shoving Cassian in her direction. “Hurry up and follow her , dumbass!”

Cassian didn’t waste anymore time after that. He quickly finished the rest of his water and left the plastic cup on the counter, manuevering through the crowd as quickly as he dared until he’d managed to find Nesta again. She led him on a winding path to a side exit, the bouncer guarding the door nodding at both of them before letting them outside.

“Wasn’t sure you’d get the hint,” Nesta said once they were outside, her voice much quieter now that they were away from the hustle and bustle of the bar. She leaned against the wall of the building next door and pulled a cigarette from the pack to light it. “You want one?”

“Trust me, I got it,” Cassian replied, laughing a little at how eager he’d been to follow her. “And I’m okay, thanks.”

“Mhmm.” Nesta breathed out a long line of smoke, and he pretended that he wasn’t looking hard at the shape of her lips as she did. “What do you do, Cassian?”

“I’m a teacher,” he answered, running a hand over his hair for something to do. “Middle school history.”

“That’s sweet,” she responded with a little smile. His heart skipped a beat at how beautiful she was when she smiled, even when it was small, and a large part of him wanted to know what she looked like with a true smile gracing her features. “I could use some of that in my life. I’m mostly surrounded by assholes otherwise.”

“What do you do to be surrounded by assholes so often?”

“I’m a lawyer. There’s just as many men trying to prove they have the biggest dick in the room as you’d expect.”

Cassian laughed at the image, but he certainly wasn’t surprised she was just as smart and quick-witted as she was beautiful. “I see your point. I can be an asshole sometimes, but hopefully not as much as them.”

“Eh, you look like a much nicer guy than any of them,” Nesta replied with a little shrug.

“I hope so, but I also hate the ‘nice guy’ thing,” he responded with a little shudder. 

“Why?” she asked curiously. She took another drag from her cigarette as she waited for his response.

“Being a nice guy isn’t about looking like one, or telling people you’re one,” he told her honestly. “Being a good person means you shouldn’t have to… I don’t know, broadcast it to the world. You should be a good person just because it’s the right thing to do.”

“I like that answer,” she replied after a minute. “So you’re a teacher, you think being a good person is important because it’s the right thing to do, and you came to my concert. You don’t have a girlfriend waiting at home for you, do you?”

“No,” he said way too quickly. He very much liked the direction this conversation was heading, but he wanted to test the waters early before he got too invested – he’d been burned by biphobia before, but he was hopeful that wouldn’t be the case here. “No boyfriend, either.”

If anything, Nesta’s expression got slightly more intrigued at his words. “None of the above for me, either.”

At this point, Cassian would’ve usually made some forward comment that would’ve hopefully gotten him on the way to someone else’s bedroom, but things felt different with Nesta in a way he’d never experienced before. He wanted to be honest with her, not just feed her lines he’d given to dozens of people before her.

Instead, he just said, “Do you want one?”

The corners of Nesta’s lips turned up as she dropped the cigarette to the ground and stubbed it out with her boot. “If you’re as nice as you seem, maybe.”

tag list: @perseusannabeth | @bookstantrash | @nestaspegasus | @a-court-of-valkyries | @rowaelinismyotp | @live-the-fangirl-life | @sv0430 | @brieq | @positivewitch | @sayosdreams | @nesquik-arccheron | @talkfantasytome | @simpingfornestaarcheron | @vidalinav | @swankii-art-teacher | @that-little-red-head | @secretlovelybeauty | @starksravings | @dustjacketmusings | @katekatpattywack | @claralady | @gwynethhberdara | @duskandstarlight | @arinbelle | @vanserrass | @mrs-shadowsinger04 | @houseofcalores | @imsointobooks | @silvernesta | @planet-faerie | @teagoddess99 | @champanheandluxxury | @catplayinvioline | @flora-shadowshine | @nerdperson524 | @story-scribbler | @vasudharaghavan | @dealfea | @snickerdoodlechittybangbang | @charming-butt-insane | @highqueenofelfhame | @julemmaes | @oversizedbats | @readingismyonlyhobby | @milkkand-honey | @wildlyglittering | @thewayshedreamed 

#nessianweek2022 #nessian #acotar #acosf #nesta archeron #cassian #moodymelanistwrites

[lyon-amore]

The half of me Chapter 24

Chapter 23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I guess being an actress is more complicated than I thought. I had to repeat several movements because I move the wrong hand, my hair has to be behind my shoulders, if I look directly at the camera... How could Daliah do all this? And that I am still I have not done more scenes than this. I avoid pinching the sleeve of my blouse out of nerves. Because I also must be careful with the wardrobe.    “MC, you should have looked at Josh” Carter cuts the scene “, he's talking."    "Sorry." I say nervously, I had been thinking about what background music would be perfect for this scene.    "Start again."     I nod and take a deep breath.

The next scene was a bit easier, I had to be sitting in class pretending to take notes. Daliah doesn't speak here, but she had to be present because she was one more student. It was the introductory scene of the movie; the professor talks about legends and myths. He is passing images and the more terrifying. There's a moment when they talk about the wendigo that I'd love to look away, but right at that moment when the camera turns on me and I have to pretend it doesn't affect me. I'm thankful that I only have to do Daliah's scenes and not the entire movie. As soon as I'm done shooting, I'm out of here. I stay looking at the drawing of 'The man without a face'. I forget to even take the false notes. I'm to blame for not telling that he was Richy. All because I thought I was going to tarnish his image… A criminal… Who put us through terrible things. And I also remember the good times we had. I never knew what to answer if I forgave him or not, at that moment, I didn't know what to say. Jane asks something, immersed in the role and the "professor" answers her. The scene ends and I breathe in, to exhale heavily.    "Perfect MC" Ralph tells me, a little clearer ", your expressions of astonishment were almost real."    “Yeah, at least this time we were able to shoot this scene without a problem.” Carter smiles.    "Well, it's just that you help me a lot." I try to lie, but I'm nervous.    "You're doing well, MC" Grace says to me, smiling ", you look like a professional actress."     I laugh shyly, I know she's saying it to encourage me to keep going, but I know I wouldn't reach Daliah's level. Besides, I wasn't even acting.

We take a break and I sit on the stairs of the academy to eat. Everyone has their group already, but it doesn't bother me. Oh, I wish my friends were here, although they might have objected to me helping them because of everything I've been through, but I'd feel terrible leaving them stuck without teacher approval for the film festival. I see Mason sit down next to Seo-ah and I smile as he makes her smile with a comment. Then I remember Jake and the chat discussion this morning, how I'll talk to him on the phone. I take out my phone and see that I have messages from him concerned. I bite my lip hard, feeling stupid. I've known Elliot for years, so it's normal for me to side with him a little bit, but at the same time I don't want to be mad at Jake. I decide to write to him, already a little calmer. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MC Jake, sorry about what happened this morning… I'm really sorry But understand that Elliot is my friend, it's normal for me to lose my mind taking his side I even plan on sneaking out again to go to Evergreed to see you and talk it over calmly, okay? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wait for his answer, but he don't answer. Strange, because of his message, he said that he would wait for me to want to talk and now he doesn't say anything.    "Can we keep you company?" I look up to see Grace and Ralph, with their respective trays of food.    "Sure" I nod, and Grace sits next to me, while Ralph takes a step down, in front of Grace ". I've seen Seo-ah's dolls” Grace looks at me, paying attention “. It’s looks quite similar to the doll that Daliah received."    "I know" she admits with a sigh ". I'm scared to think that she sent it to her, it would be horrible, because look at her" she point at her and I see Seo-ah laugh with Mason ", it would be a disappointment to everyone."     Jane and Carter walk over to us and she smiles at us.    "Can we sign up too?" she asks, not letting go of Carter's hand.    “There are plenty of seats.” Ralph replies, pointing to the stairs.     Carter sits next to me and Jane next to him. I see that they divide the food and then they kiss. Great… I'm surrounded by couples… This is uncomfortable, especially knowing that Carter cheated on her.    “My bet is Carter” Ralph says, then looks at him “, maybe he killed Daliah."    "And maybe you're going to be next." Carter snaps back, making Ralph laugh.    "Guys, enough" Jane looks at them with a frown ", you can't talk about these things with the MC in front of you-"    "Is okay" I answered, concentrating on the food ", also, I don't think you're any of you."    "And so?" Grace asks, drinking from her water bottle after her "Anything else to know?"    “Well” I clear my throat, prepared to deliver the news “, at the moment there are two suspects: A man named Armando Serrano, a Colville businessman Daliah sometimes worked for, and the alleged son or daughter of Krebs."     They all stare at me. Carter's look is scary, like I've said something wrong. Sure, he asks Serrano for money. If it turns out that he is the murderer, he would no longer be able to get money. Grace looks a little pale from the news to which I see her squeeze Ralph's shoulder and Ralph takes her hand lovingly. Jane on the other hand seems the most interested, nodding.    "Janis Krebs had a son?" the ash blonde asks me, surprised "How come nobody knew?"    "Protection of minors" I quickly answer ". They didn't want the press to ask him or her about his or her father."    "And what about Serrano?" Grace asks, resting her head on Ralph's. Yes, they are totally a couple "Have they already asked him?"    "I don't know yet" I shrug, brushing my hair away from my face to look at her ", maybe they will today."     Whoever Krebs's son is, I think they must be living far from Rosenschwarz by now" Carter takes some of his food and makes a sound as if he's going to continue speaking ". Come on, it would be suicidal to go near this town if you were the son of a child murderer, they would blame you for what your father did.    "And if we change the subject?" Grace asks, and I see discomfort in her eyes.    "We're just talking" Jane answers ", and you're right, honey, I'd be ashamed to be her daughter. I'm not!" She quickly defends herself. I nod and watch as Grace strokes Ralph's hair, ignoring us. Could it be that… Grace?

After eating, I decide to approach Mason and Seo-ah. I don't want to interrupt the moment they're having, but I'd like to ask her something about her stuffed animal.    "Hey guys." I wave, a little nervous.    "How are you doing, new Audrey Hepburn?" Mason tells me and I laugh "I hope you're not taking it wrong for replacing Daliah."    "It's complicated" I answer ", especially for not knowing where to put your foot or avoid making a strange face."    "I'm surprised you agreed to act" Seo-ah gives me a pitying look ". I mean... I wouldn't have minded making the movie from the beginning eliminating Daliah."    “Yeah, I think the same thing” Mason looks at her, nodding ". I'm not saying that Daliah was expendable" he looks at me quickly ", but I don't know if is going to be good the day we show this short at the festival" he grits his teeth, looking annoyed ". I think is going to attract more attention because of the publicity they're going to want to give it than because of the plot itself."     I nod, knowing what he's trying to say. Everyone will want to see the movie because a girl who died is in it before it was released. And, to top it all off, her twin replaces her in some scenes that she comes out. I hope they really appreciate the talent that Daliah had more than what's supposed to be behind the screen.    "Actually, I came to talk to you Seo-ah" I look at the girl and nod ". It's about the dolls you made."    "Is something wrong with them?" She asks me concerned "Did Carter say something? We need more?"    "No, it's not that" I bite my tongue, trying to find the exact words so she doesn't think I'm accusing her directly, that I just want information ". Actually, Daliah received a doll quite similar to the ones you make."     She looks at me starting to turn pale. She seems like she's starting to freak out at my accusation.    "Are you insinuating that it's her?" Mason looks at me angrily "Seo-ah can't do that."    “I'm not implying, I'm just asking if she knows anything."     Seo-ah slowly shakes her head and I can see her looking at me in fear.    "Well, I don't know how that's possible" she answers, a little nervous ". I mean... It's not possible since I brought the dolls today-"    "I know, but maybe if-"     Seo-ah quickly stands up, picking up the food items from her.    “Sorry, I have to go over the script for the next scene.” she says with a smile.     I stop her by grabbing her wrist. I look into her eyes, so she understands how serious this is.    “Enough of the lies” I begg, with my voice shaking ". Please… "     I watch her swallow hard and nod.    "Can I come to your house tonight?" She asks me, looking around a little uncomfortable "I prefer not to talk here."    “Sure” I reply, letting go of her wrist ". If you want, you can stay the night, I would love to have a friend with me."     She smiles shy at me, and I hear Mason complain.    "And what about me?" He asks embarrassed.    "Girls only." She taps his on the forehead playfully ". Boys are off limits."    “When I throw a party too, girls will be off limits to her” he says in a proud voice “video games, junk food, and explosion movies."    "To think that we girls can't like that is a bit old-fashioned, don't you think?" Seo-ah tells him, with a laugh "See you tonight then, MC."     Seo-ah walks away from us, and I watch Mason watch her go. He even lets out a sigh. I smile seeing the scene. It's like watching a romantic teen movie. Only without teenagers.    "Is it wrong to say that one day I'll marry her?" He continues watching Seo-ah leave.     I shake my head, letting out a laugh.    "I think even she thinks the same thing, too."    "Really?" He turns his head quickly, like an owl. His eyes sparkle after hearing me say that.    "Break is over!" Carter yells from the stairs "Go get ready for the next scene!"    “See you inside.” Mason stands up and pats me on the shoulder.     I make a noise of agreement and take out my phone again, hoping that Jake has texted me back. Unfortunately, he hasn't said anything to me, maybe he's changed his mind and he's decided it's not worth it anymore because I've sided with Elliot?   << But at no point have I said that I love Elliot… >> I look nervously at the screen. What have I done?    "Come on MC!" Grace exclaims, coming up next to me "What's wrong? And that face?"    "Nothing" I put the phone away nervously, hoping she hadn't seen the conversation ". Seo-ah will come talk to me at the end."    "Really?" She looks at me curiously "Do she know something then?"    "I don't know, according to her, no."    "Hopefully she knows something and tells you" She grabs my arm and pulls me away ". But now, let's go to the next scene" I nod and she laughs, starting to walk quickly ". By the way, who is Jake? “ Oh, so she's seen it? “Someone special?"     I look aside. I didn't want anyone to find out, it's too dangerous for him.    "More or less" I reply. The list of people who know Jake's name is getting longer, and I don't like it at all.    "I remember Daliah hooked up with a guy named Jake years ago." she lets out an exaggerated sigh "God! He was hot!    "Yeah, she already told me the same thing" I answered awkwardly ", but I don't think he's the same one we're talking about."    "Who knows?" She tells me with a smile "Both sisters are attractive to men."     I try to figure out what she means by those words. But I prefer not to think that by chance Jake and Daliah got to know each other at some point in their lives and maybe… No. Stop MC, Jake doesn't like Daliah, you know that. I tried to keep up with her, hoping the next scene would be just like the one before, quiet.

Well…

It is not a peaceful scene.    "Well MC" Carter places me in an 'X' on the hallway floor ", in this scene you have to run away from 'The Man Without a Face' " I turn to see the actor playing him and he gives me a smile gentle. As for him not to be afraid of him ". There are some markings in the corridor that will tell you where you have to go, which is to lock yourself in the janitor's closet, okay?" I nod and let the makeup and hairdressers fix me while I listen to Carter "The red marks are the ones you have to act like you trip over, but don't worry, there aren't many and you don't have to fall down either."     I try not to touch too much my hair or clothes, which are torn apart as if I've been attacked.    "The blood is perfect" Ralph says, looking into the camera ", it doesn't hide her face, so she'll look good" He smiles at me with a thumbs-up ". Perfect."     I think he laughs at me. I'm supposed to come out of the corner to prepare to run. I think it will be quite easy.    "You'll do fine" the "villain" tells me, putting on his mask ". Good luck.” he punches me in the arm and I groan. He has hit too hard.     I prepare to listen to Carter, tuning my ear. I avoid touching my blood make-up, it itches, am I allergic or is it the nerves of knowing that what I feared the most is finally going to persecute me?    "Action!"

We repeat the scene at least four times. I've tried to get it right, but I can't. Every time I pretended to trip, I really hurt myself. In the end I ended up with red hands from stopping the ground with it so much. To make matters worse, the wound hurts from doing it. They've done everything they can to hide it, telling me how to position myself so it won't show.    "Cut." the way of saying it Carter seems to be tired. It's not my fault, it's complicated "What's wrong?    “I can't do it.” I mutter, holding my hand “How do I pretend to trip without actually falling?"    "Instead of opening your arms in an exaggerated way" Jane moves her arms just in that exaggerated way and I laugh, calming myself down ", focus more on your feet, look." She bends down and I watch her place my feet ". Trie to think of placing your feet like this, crossed, but watch your knee or you'll fall for real if you hit yourself hard."     I nod and they put my hair back on and her blood paints it again, the liquid look it had been gone. I take a breath and wait for Carter to say action again.

Upon hearing it, I run away.

This time, I do better. Looking back from time to time. As far as I know, we have to replay this scene a couple of times from different camera angles, so I try to memorize every move I make, like it's a song. It's easy for me if I think of it that way. I reach the janitor's closet and close the door, just like Carter told me to.    "Cut! "He exclaims, with a happy intonation "Perfect!"     I smile and when I go to open the door...    "What?" I move the latch, but it doesn't open.    "MC? You can go out now.” Mason tells me.    "I try, but it won't open." I say, trying to open the door again "it won't open! Can you do something?"    “Okay, we'll try from outside.” I hear Carter say.     I lean back a bit and the sound of a television makes me turn. On screen, Daliah appears crying, with hands around her neck. The screen goes black, as in a movie appearing a few words.    <<Say it.>>    “I'm sorry.” Daliah says between sobs.    <<Say it more convincingly.>>    "I'm so sorry!"    <<Feeling it is not enough.>>     I see him start to squeeze around her neck and she tries to break free.    "Don't do it. Please… Please! Don't do it!" It's the same scream that sounded in that call.     I start to cry, watching the death of my sister.    <<You should have died.>> Little by little I see how Daliah stops breathing.    "Daliah!" I scream even though I know it already happened "No, no, no, no!"    "MC?" I hear Jane call me "What's wrong?"     I walk over to the television and place my hands on the sides of it, as if I want to save it.    "Stay with me! Daliah! Don't leave me!"     Something on the screen appears. A message. For me.    <<One less.>> My tears don’t stop falling. What do I have to do with all this? I was a child! I did what I must do!    <<I will finish what I started.>> The screen blacks out and I curl up on the floor. Scared. Shattered. Crying. I can't with this torture. I can't take it anymore... I want it to end once and for all. The door is flung open and someone approaches me.    "MC!" I hear Jane approaching me "What's wrong?!"    “Da-Daliah…” I try to say as she helps me up “The video… They… were killing her! I have seen her death!"     Carter walks over to the television and punches the buttons, trying to turn it on. He even hits it to make it react.    “Nothing, it doesn't work.” he says as he sits up.    "Who was in charge of the closet, preparing it?" Grace asks "The knob is broken!" I see how he checks that he doesn't get to move enough to open.    "Me" We all look at Mason, surprised ". But I checked that it works fine-"    "Well, it wasn't! Look at her! She is scared!" Grace walks over to us and looks at me "Are you okay?"    "I…" I shake my head "Can I stop recording? I want to go home."    "Sure" Carter looks at everyone and raises his voice "Change of plans! Today we shot the scenes for William, Josh and Marcus!"

I leave quickly and hear Mason call my name.    "MC! Wait!"    "No! I want to go home!" I yell as I headed to the classroom to collect my things.    "I just want to apologize!"     I enter the classroom and take the clothes that I have in the bag, along with my jacket and my bag.    “Listen” Mason stands in the doorway, stopping me “, I swear I didn't leave you locked in there."     I stare at him, doubting. He could have made that video since he was dedicated to modifying those of his classmates. Quite possibly he could have made that video of Daliah. He could be the murderer. I move him aside to pass, I want to clean the blood off and change as soon as possible.    "I'm telling you the truth" he stops me, grabbing my wrist ", it wasn’t me."    "Let her go" Ralph appears and separates our hands ". You look more suspicious, don't you see?"     Mason looks from Ralph to me, looking surprised.    "I'm sorry, I really-"     I push them both and walk away from there.

I go into the bathroom and put the clothes in the sink. I break down crying again when I look in the mirror. I see the image of Daliah crying. Asking forgiveness. I turn on the faucet and start to wipe off the fake blood, though it's hard for me because I don't want to look in the mirror. I can't see myself. I only see Daliah. My hands shake every time I run them over my face, rubbing the paint away. It hurts. It's like a knife was just stuck in my heart and I couldn't get it out. When I finish the face, I continue with the arms and hands, managing to stop seeing myself in the mirror. I hear the notification sound and frantically search for my phone, wishing it was Jake. I need to talk to him.

But they weren't the words I wanted to read... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nym-0s Do not come to Evergreed anymore. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My breath catches reading those words. Now it is as if the dagger Ihad had been pulled out along with the heart. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MC What are you saying? Jake? Please! Don't tell me that! I need you! Now more than ever! I promise I won't side with Elliot again if it's for that! But don't tell me we don't see each other anymore! Please Jake! Don't do this to me now! I love you! Please!

-----Nym-0s has left the chat---- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A gasp escapes me as I read those words. It couldn't be that he really had been mad at me, right? It couldn't be true that over some silly fight about not wanting to risk losing him again. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MC Nymos! Tell me where is Jake!

Nym-0s Scanning user by the name of Jake. … …. ….. …… Scanned name. No user with the name of Jake is detected. Do you want something else?

MC And with the name of Nym-0s?! Please! It's urgent!

Nym-0s Scanning user by the name of Nym-0s. … …. ….. …… Scanned name. No user with the name of Nym-0s is detected. Do you want something else? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I scream and fall to my knees, my phone clutched to my chest. Jake has left me alone. Again, but why? Is it really my fault? Have I lost his trust? I'm so sorry! I didn't want this to happen! I didn't want to fight him! I lean against the wall, leaving the phone on the floor and raising my hands to my head. It hurts me so much to cry, for the things I've seen today. I don't have Daliah. I don't have Jake. I have no one. The door opens and I don't turn to see who is, but the presence of someone sitting next to me doesn't calm me down.    "Do you want me to take you home?" I hear Jane ask me.    "What… " I look at her still without stopping to cry "What about the short film?"    "Carter is now busy giving Mason the talk about what he did" she makes a face ", so he goes long" she offers me her hand and gives me a smile ", shall we go?"     I nod and she helps me up. I hug her and she tried to comfort me, stroking my hair.    "Everything is going to be fine" she tells me calmly ". You'll see."     I cry harder, trying to believe her words. Someone is hurting me in the most terrible way possible and I am powerless to do anything. I have a feeling that everyone wanted to do this with me today, that everyone might be Daliah's killer and I'm the only one with only blood on my hands from not being able to do anything for her.

When I get home, Jane leaves me on the sofa and goes to the kitchen. Seconds later I hear her complain.    "MC, the fridge is almost empty!" I listen to her as she returns and picks up her phone from the table " Do you feel like... Some pasta? Or maybe a vegetarian?"    "Why has this happened?" I ask without looking for an answer. I already know why all this is happening "Why does they just kill me and that's it?"     Jane sighs and puts her phone down on the coffee table, looking at me.    "Look, the one who is doing this to you is a first-class psychopath" She looks at me, she is furious ". I don't know what happened in that closet, but whatever it is, I believe you."    “It was the video of Daliah being killed” I say, my voice cracking ". Jane... I saw him stop breathing..."    "The problem is that that television didn't turn on." she crosses her arms, thoughtful "Why?"    "Because they doesn't want anyone except me to see it" I answer, wiping away my tears, "Can I tell you something?"     Jane nods and I take a deep breath.    "I have access to Daliah's computer" I said slowly ", in it there are files talking about receiving the clippings, the doll... Conversations, a newspaper talking about you all... Everything..."     Little by little her face changes. She looks at me scared.    "Do you have it here?" She asks me nervously "Why didn't you give it to the police?"    "No, I don't have it" I know I'm risking what I'm doing ". The computer couldn't be accessed so I asked a hacker to help me-"    "Okay, okay." she moves her hand to stop me "But why are you telling me this? Why me?"     I shake my head as I shrug.    "Because I'm left alone and I don't know who to trust anymore." I answer, crying again.     She sighs and hugs me again.    "He left me" I say through tears ". He has left me alone and I don't know what to do..."    "I don't know who you're talking about, but I'm sure everything will be fine." she tells me, as she pats me on the back "The FBI won't be after me now that you've told me, will they?"     I let out a laugh, although it's not like I'm amused, but I no longer know what's a joke and what's serious.    "No, they won't." I pulled her away and brushed my hair out of my face.    "I hope so" she picks up the phone again and looks at me ". Ok so we ordered a vegetarian?"     I shrug, letting her choose. Not even if I want to, I don’t feel like eating.

Jane stays until nightfall, since she is calm that Seo-ah is coming to my house. According to her, she has promised me not to tell me anything about what I'm doing with Daliah's computer, just to be careful that Elliot doesn't find out what I'm doing or I'll get in trouble with the police again. She understands me better than anyone thanks to the fact that she knows what it is to lose a brother.    "Surely if I were in your situation, I would have also hacked into my brother's computer if he had hidden things from me." was what she told me when I explained why I'm doing it.     I might really risk ratting us out, but… I really don't know what else to do… I feel completely dejected and without Jake…

I receive a text from Seo-ah and sigh in relief. At least it's okay. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-----Seo-ah has connected-----

Seo-ah Sorry, it may take a little longer I've been talking to Mason about what happened 😔 He really isn't feeling well because of what happened to you.

MC No problem But please don't be long

Seo-ah Now I go I collect my things and I'm on my way 😊

MC Okay

Seo-ah See you

-----Seo-ah has disconnected----- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I put down the phone and I wait on the couch, closing my eyes to relax. But every time I do, Daliah shows up. I look at the sofa and get up quickly, remembering that she died on one, so I stay in my room waiting.

I look at the time and Seo-ah doesn't show up, where is she? I decide to send her messages. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MC Seo-ah? Where are you? I've been waiting an hour Let me know if something happened...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I leave my phone on loud in case I fall asleep waiting, though I don't think that will happen. I look ahead and see Daliah sitting up in bed, her neck red and her eyes sunken. Her paleness makes her bloodshot eyes stand out. She opens her mouth to speak, but she can't, she has a hard time doing it. I hide my face to avoid seeing her.

Jake…

Why have you left me?

*Jake POV*

I was going to reply to MC's messages telling me that Elliot is her friend and that she wanted to come to Evergreed, I wanted to tell her that it was a bit dangerous at the moment, but the door stopped me from sending her that message. They were knocking so frantically that it made me slowly open the door, finding Mike.    "What are you doing here?!" I ask nervously.    "We don't have time!" He pushes the door, entering.    "Hey! Can you explain to me what is going on?!"     Mike stops taking my stuff out of the closet and walks over to me.    "Rocco was in class when he saw them through the window" I pay attention to his words, he speaks very quickly ". Men going door to door, some in suits and others in uniforms with the word FBI on it" little by little I start to get nervous ", and they've never been to Evergreed."     So I start to go as fast as I can, turning off the computers and starting to put them away. Mike takes my things out of the closet, placing them on the bed and I pile everything into my backpack as best I can. This is not the time to order.    "How long do you think they have left to get to the hostel?" I ask nervously, as I put the computers in the bag of what I have left of equipment.    "If they were in the school area, probably about forty-five minutes" he closes my backpack as best he can and looks at me ". Thirty if any decide to sing that they has recognized you."     I mutter curses under my breath, pulling on my mask and hood. Then put on the gloves. I take out my cell phone and look at the chat. I have to let her know. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nym-0s Do not come to Evergreed anymore. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I send her quickly, to want to continue sending her an explanation.    "What are you doing?!" Mike asks me, pointing to the door "You'll explain it to her later!"     True, he is right. Unfortunately, it hurts me to read the messages that she has sent me when she notices that I doesn't answer her anymore. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MC What are you saying? Jake? Please! Don't tell me that! I need you! Now more than ever! I promise I won't side with Elliot again if it's for that! But don't tell me we don't see each other anymore! Please Jake! Don't do this to me now! I love you! Please! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I clench my jaw hard, hoping she will forgive me. But now I cannot use this cell phone, it is not safe. And I decide to do something unthinkable. To disappear from her life again, removing myself from the Nymos chat, leaving it as the program it was before.    “Come on, I will give you something to run away with.” I follow Mike running downstairs as we leave the room.     On the street, I see a black sidecar. Mike tosses me the key and I catch it.    "Here, it will help you to take the equipment."    I set the large duffel bag on the seat as I strapped the backpack onto my back, picking up the helmet.    "And this too" He hands me a new cell phone and I put it in the bag with the rest of the team. To which I quickly take out the card from my cell phone and destroy it ", the phone PIN is 3618, the number 60421."    “Thanks, Mike.” I tell him as I put my helmet on.    "And!" He hands me a piece of paper and I read it "Go to Colville. A woman lives in this building who will give you a apartment to hide in" I look at him doubtfully ". Tell her you're on my side and everything will be fine."     I nod and raise my hand.    “Good luck man, I'll be working on the program."     I accept his hand, giving it a shake. I miss doing this again.    "If MC comes to Evergreed, make sure she comes back to Rosenschwarz" I tell him in a serious tone ", she does not come here for a while."    "I'll keep her far away."     I remove my hand and start the sidecar. This is the worst thing that could have happened to me today.

And I am pretty sure who could have done this.

Elliot.

He has broken the deal we had and has given me away again, surely he has tracked my number What an idiot I have been! If he did it once for her, clearly he would do it again to get away from MC.

I have already traveled a long way, I think I can stop for a moment to look at my cell phone. I park and pull away from the road, pulling the item out of the bag. I flip up the visor and turn on the cell phone. At the moment, the only chat there is from Mike. As soon as I get to the safe place where he told me to stay, I will have to reprogram Nymos on my cell phone and contact MC. I just hope that she can forgive me for having sent her that message, I did not have time for further explanations. I put the cell phone away and start the bike again. There are a few kilometers to go. It is a little slower than going by train, but I am sure Mike thought they had been watching the train station. It is already lucky that I was able to evade the police control that was at the exit of Evergreed, I really had to go through alleys until I reached the highway. But the worst thing will be that it will take time to contact MC if I want to reassemble the equipment and program Nymos on the cell phone again. I will not be able to talk to her until tomorrow. A whole year's work wasted. I hope that the copy of the computer accepts to be installed in the new cell phone.

I arrive at the address of Colville. They are part of the suburbs. You can tell that it is a city by the amount of people there. I park the bike and take the travel bag, leaving the helmet on the bike. I call the first floor as indicated on the paper.    "Yes? Who is it?" asks an older lady on the intercom.    “I am here from Mike Vogt.” I answer, careful not to let anyone else hear me.     The lady lets out a sigh and opens the front door.    "This son of mine, what has he done now?" She says before hanging up the phone.    << Son?>>     I enter and the first thing I find is a lady with brown hair with few gray hairs and collected in a bun. She is big and she looks at me like she is glaring at me.    "And who are you?" She asks me, in a doubtful tone.    "I am just a friend of her son's" I reply, a little uncomfortable to admit. And that she reminds me of when my mother was going to give me the talk for having done something bad ". He said that you could help me-"    “I'm not a nun of charity, damn it!” She puts her hand to her head, and then she points to me “Okay, follow me."     She turns around at a steady pace and I obey her order. The place is even worse than the hostel, with torn and stained wallpaper.    "You would have seen" I hear how he murmurs ", always the same, I don't know who that boy has looks like, but I already tell you no to his father! He was such a wretch."     It makes me a little uncomfortable having to listen to this conversation. I do not think Mike would like me to hear his mother talk about these things with a stranger. We arrive at a door, and she takes out some keys with a number, taking 104 from the key ring.    "Here." I go to take it, but she pushes her away "But how are you going to pay me?"    "Well" I start talking nervously. This woman scares me more than the FBI ", I have some money."    "Some money?” She arches an eyebrow, looking at me doubtfully.    "It is not much-"    "Oh, no!" She puts the key in her neckline and she pushes me " Let's go! Here you pay or nothing!"    "The floors!" I quickly exclaimed "I can fix whatever you need in exchange for me staying!"     She stops and I see how she looks around the place. After me.    "Since my son has left his poor mother alone and helpless in charge of all this" her exaggerated way of speaking is almost pitiful "I suppose a handsome young man could help me in exchange for him staying here safe, yeah" .     I sigh with relief. It cannot be that it worked.

I enter the apartment after she enters, showing me the place. Is a bit old too, but at least you can tell she is coming to clean it up. I start to get my equipment out and put everything on the table, turning on Daliah's computer and mine, plugging them back in like before.    "Hacker, right?" The lady asks me, whose name she has not told me yet "Now I understand everything…"    “I am one of the good guys.” I answer clearly.    "Yes, I was too, now I'm retired thanks to the law" I blink surprised and she laugh "What? Did you think that Mike has learned from his father? I've taught that smart boy everything I know.” She holds out hwe hand in greeting ". Rudy Zimmerman"    "Delighted." I accept her hand and she looks at me doubtingly.    "No name?"    "I do not think it is a good idea to tell you" I answer, still without taking off my mask ", it would put you at risk."     She chuckles, walking over to the door.    "As if I care about risk at this point" she jerks his thumb out ". Remember the deal, tomorrow you start with the boiler room, kid." She winks at me and leaves.     I lower the mask and let out a long breath. I would never have thought of accepting help from other people knowing that she would put them at risk, but given the circumstances, I have no choice but to accept. I hope this does not bring consequences to her later.

I take out my cell phone and connect it to the other computer I have, starting to install Nymos.

Please, may MC be okay and they do not go after her again.

Chapter 25

#duskwood #duskwood jake #duskwood mc #duskwood jake x mc #duskwood fanfic #duskwood everbyte #everbyte #everbyte studio

[igotanidea]

COUNTERPARTS: Morpheus x OC

Summary: Kayleen was born to be the embodiment of Reality. Protector of the Waking World and Keeper of the Order. Naturally, that makes her a counterpart of the Dream of The Endless. Despite their differences in both approach to life and characters they are forced to work together to keep balance between Dreaming and Waking. Thank God, they are both professionals who DO NOT fight or engage emotionally….. Or do they?

And will anything change after Dream gets imprisoned, and gone for a century, leaving both Dreaming and Waking World crumble?

Pairing: Morpheus x OC 

A/N: Not so much Dream in this chapter but we got someone else. Keep hanging on, there's gonna be more of him soon.

Word count: 2087

Epilogue:

Chapter 1 : Sometimes reality sucks

next - chapter 3 : A rough nightmare

Chapter 2

Welcome back to Reality.

Next day after a visit to the Dreaming was always a menace. The human part of me was quite burned with crossing the realms so I felt like I was hangover. Thankfully, I’ve quickly learnt how to deal with that. I mean, I live in the Waking, I am human and I gotta work for a living. That’s what reality is about. So living my second, undercover life and repercussions of that cannot get in the way.

For everyone who may wonder – I work as a teacher at the university. It was actually a funny situation, when a girl looking like she was in her late 20s applied for a position, but let’s face the facts. I am in fact so much older than I actually look. Like, SO MUCH older. Obviously, my knowledge is also proportionally bigger. I got the cathedra on the spot, after answering just a couple of questions.  Funny thing being the fact that I teach writing. And before you start laughing about the irony of Reality showing how to make art just stop and think about it. Words are just the expressions of what’s in our heads but what is possible in the real world. No one would read something that had zero chance of happening, right? Stories are hopes for the future, deriving from the dreams and imaginations but rooted in reality. Serves my purpose quite well, doesn’t it? Besides, reality should not be confused with mundane.

As I quickly gathered my things and rush to catch a train I let my mind drift. Today’s class will be covering the topic of creating characters. Discovering the truth behind the words they say. A little bit of judging their motives. Not that I’m saying people are liars but there’s usually more than what they show. Let’s see than. A woman in front of me talking on the phone. She’s describing the party she was at during the weekend. It was amazing,  I swear. I had so much fun and I believe Nathan finally noticed me. The truth? She attended a birthday surpise for her popular friend and for the entire evening she felt unimportant and humiliated. Almost invisible like a ghost.  A little boy travelling with his mum. Looking like an angel just sitting there with his eyes softly gazing through the window. But in real world? He’s a real devil causing trouble wherever he goes, so his parents decided to take him to the therapy to get some help. Don’t get me wrong, but it’s in human nature to interpret facts and truths in their own. Nothing wrong with that, as long as they don’t get to deep with that.

Oh, here we go, another sleeper. Just an inch from falling of the chair. Morpheus gonna be so pissed but we got human in danger, right? I gently nudge him on the arm and catch him before he gets damaged.

-Hey, here we go! – I sit him back up

-Thank you miss. I guess I dozed off.

-I noticed – I smile at him – rough night?

-You can say so. I was bothered with the nightmares so I did not get enough sleep.

-Well, good thing is was just a nightmare, right? Reality always brings us back on the ground to gain some perspective.

-I suppose it does …..

-Anyway, that’s my station. Have a lovely day, sir.

-You too, miss.

Yeah, Morpheus gonna be SO angry with me.

When the class end I notice one of the students hesitate to leave the room. The girl name is Aubrey, she’s usually the active and bubbly one, always bursting with creative ideas but today she just sat quiet for an entire hour.

-Professor? – she slowly and shyly approach me

-Aubrey, hi. Is everything ok?

-No… I mean, I thought that maybe I could talk to you? There’s something on my mind that I can’t quite shake off. I really don’t know who else to talk to.

-As much as I appreciate that, have you tried the university counsellor? He’s the one qualified for that kind of situations.

-I’d rather talk to you. That is…. if you don’t mind – her eyes are basically begging for help.

-Of course. Please. – I encourage her to sit in the front row of seats and take a place next to her, patiently waiting for her to start.

-So… It’s actually a bit embarrassing, but…. Maybe, that was a bad idea – he abruptly stands up.

-Aubrey, please, let me help in whatever way I can. Tell me what’s happening – my voice resonating in the air.

-Ok – she sighs – it’s a delicate matter. A relationship I was in is crumbling. I blame myself because I never wanted  to….you know – she rolls her eyes so I nod my head knowing exactly what she means. – I’m just not ready, but now everytime I see Trent, I mean, the guy, I picture him in some … situations …. That should not take place. Like… you know…. with other girls and …. – she starts to shake – I just can’t. You always teach us to search for the truth behind the words, so I though maybe you would help me get why is this happening? – tears starts falling down her cheeks.

-Oh, Aubrey – I look at her carefully – do you have any evidence of what’s going on inside your head? Did you see something? Or heard something?

-No, no, nothing like that. I just….

-You are just projecting, aren’t you?

-I guess.

-It’s ok, you know. You are so young, a lot of things can easily influence your mind. But I need to open your eyes now.

-What do you mean? What should I do?

-As much as hard it seems you need to talk to him. Ask him what’s happening. Focus on the facts.

-What if he lies? How will I even know if he’s telling the truth

I sigh. I hate this part.

-Don’t worry, he will tell the truth. You will know it, believe me – I reassuringly tap her hand.

-Thank you, professor, I’ll try that.

-Great. You know you can come to me everytime something captures your mind this way, right?

-I know.

-Good. Now, off you go – I smile at her – you surely don’t want to be late for your next class, do you?

I know this Trent guy, Aubrey was talking about. He’s acts like a popular boy, taking care of his reputation, posing like a playboy and heartbreaker, but in fact he’s broken  himself. He uses this pose as some kind of shield. He’s in my 11.30 class, so I’m gonna put some reality trick on him. Nothing detrimental, of course, simply necessary means to mend two souls. 

***

The conversation groups are usually small, consisting of 5 to 10 people. This gives teachers opportunity to focus on each individuals but also get into some interesting conversations – clash of characters and points of view. This kind of class is the one in which I’m a guest and the students play the first fiddle. I like that. Seeing passion and fire of some, logic and cold approach in others. A clash indeed. This will never get boring for me. We were basically in the middle of conversation when the clock showed that it’s time to end. -

-Ok, class. As much as I hate it and would love to continue, the time we had it’s over. Such a merciless one, isn’t it? – even though I have my abilities because of him – we shall continue this on Wednesday so keep your arguments sharpened and your minds open – Trent I’d like a few words with you, stay please.

-What’s up, prof? – any other student in his place would get cautious, asking whether one did something wrong or something happened but not this one. Like I said, such a poser. How do I even start talking to him, without meddling too much? Let’s roll the ball.

-How’s life been going, Trent? – I mimic his carefree tone – everything all right?

-Yep – he emphasizes the “p”  - Pretty great. But did you really call me for a small talk?

-Not really I shake my head - I noticed some changes in your writings. You last essay seems a little more…. Intense in some descriptions, why is that?

-Well – he tries to hide it but his face becomes reddish. – Wait. How do you even know which was mine? They were written anonymously.

-Trent, please. After all the time I’ve spend reading students’ work …..

-So what is the purpose of anonymity then?

-To help you spread your wings and get rid of inhibitions. But … you’re not gonna tell anyone about it, are you? In exchange I’ll show you some truth in your life. – was that morally ambiguous and could be qualified as manipulating the student? Probably. So sad. Anyway.

-What truth? – Trent frowned in confusion. This one was never a smarty-pants.  

-Well …. – I look into his eyes. It’s not hypnosis per se, more like a search for underlying meaning. No words are needed so that’s something and after all he won’t even remember being here. The whole procedure as I call it, only takes a couple of seconds. And now, I’m pretty sure he’s gonna mend some bridges with Aubrey. – I think you should go now, Trent. You have some other things to take care of, don’t you?

-Yeah…. I guess…  See you Wednesday, prof.

As soon as he exits and I try to gather my things before lunch I hear some familiar voice coming from the door.

-You should be a therapist, you know? Never really understood why you choose a teaching career.

Oh, there she is. Standing there with her perfect smile, her black hair so similar to her brother’s (except curly) floating around as she shakes her head.

-Ego driven choice. I’m a show-off when it comes to knowledge.

-You are a terrible liar – she comes closer and hugs me. Ladies and gentleman, welcome on the stage, The Death herself. Dream’s sister and I daresay – my friend – Hello Kayleen – she smiles blindingly.

-Hello, Death. You truly are a sight for a sore eyes. How many boys broke their necks when you walked in here?

-Just a few I suppose.

-I’m even scared to ask , but are you here on business or pleasure?

-A bit of both, I’m afraid.

Start with good news than.

-Well, I came to visit you. Though maybe a coffee would be a good idea. Maybe in the university cafeteria….

-Oh, no. Don’t tell me you’re here for Ellen.

-As if I had any choice with that.

-Been that busy lately? – I grab my back as we head towards the cafeteria.

-No more than usual. But I see you got your hands full.

We both order out drinks – black coffee for me and cappuccino for Death , sadness dripping from our eyes as we look at cafeteria lady, Ellen. She is left with so little time as drinking a coffee takes.

-I would say its’ really no more than usual as well, but I can sense something in the air.

-What do you mean? Is it the matter of Waking or Dreaming?

-I’m not entirely sure. At least not yet. I can only tell we should ….

-Keep our eyes open? – she smiles widely.

-Precisely.

For a second we stay silent.

-You know, Dream’s been acting weird lately…..

-Oh no, please don’t . This is supposed to be a nice break from my duties. Don’t ruin it with mentioning your brother.

-Ok, fine, fine – she surrenders raising her hands– I’m gonna worry about him all by myself. But deep down you are concerned bout him. Is it not truth, Kayleen? – she lets the question hang as she finishes her coffee. – Anyway, gotta get back to work.

-That was a pretty quick reunion – I point out.

-I know. Not by my choice. You should come visit me though. I will have more time on Sunday, I believe.

-You're inviting me to the Sunless Land? You realise I'm still part human, right? - I look at her carefully, narrowing my eyes - I’ll consider that. - I shug my arms casually like a visit to Death was just a social call.

-Awesome – she hugs me again – you know, I’m right behind those black door of yours.

With that, she leaves, and the only words stuck in my head are “you are concerned bout him ”. Well, maybe I am. And maybe I shouldn't be.

next: chapter 3

#sandman #sandman x oc #morpheus #morpheus x oc #the sandman imagine #morpheus fanfiction #fanfic #dream of the endless #dream of the endless x oc #dream #dream x oc #dream lord #dream lord x oc #the sandman netflix #lord morpheus #lord morpheus x oc #the sandman #morpheus x reader #dream of the endless x reader #the sandman x reader

[loveandscience]

been in and out of intense anxiety the last couple days, so maybe writing it here will help

Okay so my old dentist who I loved retired, and gave his practice over to a new guy. Tuesday, I went to try out the new dentist and very loudly in the next room while I had my teeth cleaned, he was telling someone how they didn't need a crown or something because God designed the perfect teeth system?????

And as soon as he introduces himself to me, he out of the blue goes on about a "beautiful sermon I heard" on the way to work, and how this really ill woman had so much faith that she would just get better, and that she "touched Jesus" and was instantly healed. I'm sitting there with his sharp tools in my mouth and he's going on a religious rant and what the fuck am I going to do? He does tell me I have 2 cavities, then overcharges me for the cleaning and "exam."

Decided I really needed a new fucking dentist, and thankfully my friends suggested some to try. So Wednesday, I called a place and they got me in, and they were so nice and professional and I really liked them! They did another exam on me and apparently the last dentist (maybe the one before, too) had missed an entire fucking dead tooth???? It's been discolored for years but old dentist never thought it was an issue... Apparently it's dead and needs a root canal. Who the fuck knows how long it's been dead. Terrifying. Also they say it's 3 cavities not 2.

Anxious about the root canal, I've never had one, and it's so expensive. The same day I have my root canal, I also am driving somewhere I've never been an hour away to see my new liver doctor, and that's also terrifying.

On top of those expenses, I'm hoping to sign kiddo up for Brazilian Jiu Jitsu lessons bc I think it'll be really good for them and they are really interested.

But I've also had several clients transition to every other week or end, which is good they're doing better. I also have less income though so need to market again for new clients. Husband was planning to increase his income by taking classes paid for by work, but the classes are taking so long that I wouldn't be surprised if it takes all year, which is not what we'd hoped for a timeline.

Pet Day at kiddo's school is coming up and last year's Pet Day, we brought our cat who ended up dying shortly after. He had cancer which obviously wasn't caused by Pet Day, but I do think he picked up a virus which might have exacerbated the cancer. I'm planning to make sure every kid sanitizes their hands before touching the cat we bring this time, and bringing the young healthy one instead of the old frail one. Still some anxiety.

Wanted to take kiddo to this snow place in FL this weekend, but tickets plus parking are 100 dollars, yikes. So been incredibly anxious about that. Just before clicking buy I checked and it's supposed to be thunderstorms that day, so texted the friend we were planning to go with and hoping we can put that off... Really anxious they might have already bought tickets even though they said they'd wait til after I bought ours (maybe they could pick up on my anxiety around committing, idk).

So the common theme, laying these all out, seems to be financial. Which is sad, because I wanted to scale back on work and be able to rest more and focus on my health, but with husband not likely to be making much more money any time soon, it means I need to work more hours. Which is hard with the amount of dr appointments I'm going to have to be having.

At least... I got a little while of getting to work out almost daily and rest up.

#personal #long post

[madamescarlette]

I wanted to go through and do an entire written out version of this tag, so here 'tis! Would love to see your responses too if you want to join in <3

(Fair warning that is rather a long post so feel free to hit J on your keyboard to skip to the next thing on your dash with no hard feelings!)

share your favorite memory of this year.

GIRL just ONE?!? I don’t really pick out singular one all-time best memories from across the year, so I’ll give you a chain of really bright good ones instead:

My friends and I went to this conference in the spring that was almost entirely working professionals except for us, so when we first got there it was quite silly because we lowered the median age by a good five years. We got name badges and everything and one of my friends said it felt like summer camp because of that, and after setting up all of our things we escaped to go eat all the free breakfast food, and when I started taking selfies with my muffins everyone else had to do the same, and I felt joy so vivid it was like an ember burning in my stomach.

There was one day this past November where after one of my meetings I was walking my friend over to the bus stop, and we emerged from the campus library for the first time in four hours, and I was trudging along under the slowly changing saplings that line the avenue beside our library and I looked up at the bright blue sky, and remarked on how blue it was. My friend looked up too, and she started fondly laughing, and she told me it was very indicative of my personality that ten minutes before we’d been grousing about class, but I was still noticing how lovely the sky was. It was luminescent and very good to be known so much.

I’ve been struggling with bitterness over a particular situation for the past few years, the kind of bitterness that’s mostly grief because I miss who I was before it all happened to me, and for a long, long while I couldn’t remember what had been so good that I would risk anything, especially my own peace and stillness to be near this person. I hadn’t seen them in a while, but during this poster presentation session that all of my senior class does, I caught a glimpse of them again, and I can’t tell you how…simple and sweet it felt to simply admit that they were beautiful again. It sounds like a funny thing to be grateful for, but when your memory has twisted something into only being painful, it’s an incredibly lovely thing to be able to remember something good about it again. I guess it was kind of like absolving myself from the past, to know there was a reason why I reached out and why I paid the price, that these things don’t necessarily need to be worth it but it was something good that I at least tried. And I will stop being cryptic and leave it there. It was such an answer to my prayers and I will never stop being thankful for it.

Over the summer, there was one day where my grandmother pulled out these GIANT shrimp that she had had hidden away in her freezer, and asked my mom to figure out something to do with them. My mom landed on making gumbo, and it became a quest for the entire household to make this one stew— my grandma kept pulling vegetables from all these hidden corners, my brother and I were sent out to find extra supplies, and afterwards when we all sat down and ate it together, the whole room was suffused in this gentle golden light of early summer evening, happy and content and revived by being near each other and keeping company in this full silence.

2. what was the highlight of your year?

I can’t lie to you and say that it was anything but my graduation! It was five strange twist-y wind-y years, but they are now settling like gems in the core of my being, and I am even now learning how to digest them all and convert them into what they’ve made me become. I’m very grateful, and very glad. It has meant so very much to me.

3. list the top five books you read this year.

In no particular order, just the ones that haunted me most are The Perilous Gard, Assassin’s Apprentice, Vespertine, Gaudy Night, and Magician’s Ward, with extra love to my reread of Goblin Emperor (always my beloved).

4. list the top five movies you watched this year.

Me, laughing nervously: haha don’t worry!! I’ve definitely watch five of those!!! (thankfully I have them written down otherwise I’d be LOST.)

The Batman, Gunpowder Milkshake, The Hundred-Foot Journey, The Thin Man, and let’s be real Sense & Sensibility (1995) which was a rewatch but I think I watched it no less than four times so it deserves a slot here for holding my hand so much.

5. list the top five tv series you binged this year.

THIS IS EVEN HARDER.

Probably…Blue Period (beloved to me), Extraordinary Attorney Woo (EVEN MORE BELOVED), the three seasons straight of The Nanny I watched in dark October/November, Ted Lasso, and most likely Wednesday once I’ve had time to sit with it. Extra shout-outs to the first seasons of Spy X Family and E.R. that I both watched and loved utterly.

6. what is the one new thing you discovered this year (could be a place/hobby/song etc)?

I finally!!! Learned to crochet!!! I’m so happy happy about it especially now that I have a little more time on my hands to actually make something with my hands! It makes me happy every time my eyes land on my hooks sitting on my desk.

7. top three albums that you played this year?

I want to also make a separate post on this (even though it will be useful to like…one person maybe) but: Who Cares? – Rex Orange County, PREP – Prep (yes ik they really had to reach for that one), and obviously Midnights – TS. (Special shout-out to Nurture – Porter Robinson which is holding my hand in this time)

8. your spotify wrapped #1 song

Everything Goes On – Porter Robinson, my dear sweet friend of a song that’s held onto me throughout the wavering and ravening of the horrors this year! It’s all about learning to grieve something before it leaves you but not clouding the happiness of it while it’s still here and I really have needed to hear that so much.

9. your spotify wrapped top artist

Taylor, who else?

10. your personal song of the year.

Tbh it is exactly the same as the one I’ve got, especially since I am usually very aware of the top song that I have because I repeat them so much, and this one helped me so very much. I think I’ll say another one that felt like it reached out and gripped me in its teeth and made me get up again was Thank Me Later – Sigrid.

11. what is an achievement that you are proud of this year?

In all honesty, in the past 24 months I’ve had to do more technical writing than I really knew I was getting in for, but there is something extremely satisfying in being able to drop 5 disparate pieces of work in my grandmother’s lap and go look what I did!!! One of them is 61 pages long oh my!

12. what are your goals for the next year?

I think…not to lose the peace and stillness that this year has given me, also on the flipside not to become too complacent and still be the person who reaches out and accomplishes something. Also as always to become a better daughter and sister and friend and colleague because it is always easy for me to slip in those things if I’m not watching and I want to be watchful.

And I think more than anything else, I want to enjoy this widening horizon before me. I’ve said before that I feel like I’ve been in a long tunnel for a long time, and even though I was always headed towards the end, I made friends with the conductors and other passengers, so getting out of it feels like something strange and mysterious to me. I want to make sure that I make the most of it, go rolling through the fields and lying under the trees and wading in the ponds, and that I always find my way back to gratitude for being alive, because I never want to lose that.

13. any three book releases you are excited for next year.

Bold of you to assume that I pay enough attention to figure out what books are being released when! No but really, a lot of the books I was following were…concluded this year so I don’t have as long of a list anymore.

From looking at a list on Goodreads I was finally able to cherry-pick some, so. I did enjoy Sorcery of Thorns (though my true love in Margaret Rogerson’s books is far outpaced by Vespertine) so I’m excited for The Mysteries of Thorn Manor in January. There also seems to be…an Inheritance Games sequel? For some reason? And by golly I’ll read whatever nonsense plot is going on with those folks if only because I’m rooting for Jameson to go…anywhere else but here. PLUS oh man there’s going to be a new Holly Black set in Elfhame and boy if I won’t read every second of THAT.

14. any three upcoming movies/tv series that you are excited for next year.

SPIDERVERSE SPIDERVERSE SPIDERVERSE plus I have been very charmed by what I’ve seen of the DND movie so far PLUS Dune Part II is on its waaaay if all goes well and you know I love a finale!

15. if you could change one thing about the past year what would it be?

I don’t tend to like talking about changing serious things, because for my life it always feels like I’m being critical of what I have, and I’m trying to always find something to rejoice over what I’m living through! Not that’s bad to regret, it’s just that that’s a very easy way for my own spirit to waste away over and get stuck in a loop of what-if’s. I guess I would have liked to have gone back to my short hair in the summer like I wanted to, because my hair when it gets long always ends up feeling like dead weight to me now.

16. did you manage to stick to your new year's resolutions this year?

I haven’t really been making proper new year’s resolutions that past few years, they’re more like new year’s promises and things I want to carry with me in the new year. In looking for what I had written down, I think I’ll just. post them in full because why not?

Things for the new year:

Be so much of a person that you cannot be anything else.

Make a patchwork quilt of the truths you learn from other people. Know that they will be with you from now on, and be glad, dear heart.

Live with the juxtaposition of being a gatherer and a witness and yourself, your own true self through and through and naught else but that.

(I feel compelled to mention, since the true self is kind of a discoursed concept bandied about around these parts, that me going into last year was like a shelled out half-version of me, so part of my arc was being revived and coming back into myself and feeling like EDEN in all caps again!)

In life, at times you have to hold something that is bigger than you are, bigger than what can be fathomed, and eventually you have to let it go, and the letting go is what makes you into the person you are.

It's good to be good at at least one thing. Even if it's only a multitude of little one things. Like muffins, or remembering stories or dates, or singing one song in particular, or telling jokes. It stifles the heart to believe there is nothing you can do because you can't do it well. Getting started is harder than the doing. When you have the momentum of it, everything gets far, far simpler.

Sometimes, you are not here to tell them what to do. You're here to find people, and to know them, really know them, and sometimes it's worth its weight in gold just to know you live in someone else's brain, and they're glad as anything to know it, so be brave and tell them you care for them.

You shouldn't grieve things while they're still happening. You just end up grieving then twice over. But you can say goodbye, which is different from grieving. It's more like blowing a kiss than it is wrapping your arms around it, and lighter because of that.

To be decisive is sometimes the same thing as being kind.

Never be so funny you lose the muscle ability of being kind. It's an action you have to renew every time, and it can stagnate, as all other muscles do.

17. do you have any new year's resolutions for the next year?

Not really! They’ll be more like the above when I get sentimental enough on the eve, and they don’t like knocking on the door any earlier, alas!

18. favorite meme of the year?

I cannae lie, I’m a simple girl and I thought the PS5 in your mind meme was thee silliest funniest bit ever. Truly like the Palpatine Kermit egging you on to do something but turned up to an eleven and I loved every second of it.

19. which month was the most fun this year?

Ohhhhh probably May because it was like the world was coming back into color and I could finally take a breath for the first time in ten months and I really needed that!!

20. if you could tell yourself something at the beginning of this year based on what you know right now, what would it be?

I cannae lie to you all, I was getting already so tired out already by the beginning of this year and constantly losing my faith in myself, so if I could tell myself anything, it’s simply this: The strength that you look for will very often rise to you when you need it, and so your stewardship of yourself often looks more like making sure that you are rested up enough to be able to find that strength than it is mustering up that strength beforehand. It’s also that you can face things even when they seem insurmountable beforehand, but when there are people around who love you pretty much anything is possible.

21. favorite viral trend of the year?

Well babes I don’t know if I can pick (it’s Dracula Daily) there were so many fun and cute things that we all did together (Dracula memes were my lifeblood) so it’s so hard for me to settle on any favorites (I bought a copy of the book just for this)

22. list any three new things you learned this year (could be recipes, a new skill, etc.)

I made bagels from scratch one time and it was magical! I’m getting better and better at informal presentations and even formal ones! Also it wasn’t purely in this year but I’ve started becoming even better and better at shortbread so now I am lowkey my family’s Shortbread Queen and I’m THRILLED.

23. how would you describe your year in a word?

Hmmmm….bountiful, I think? There was just so much of it everywhere in all directions and I was overwhelmed but so so grateful so often. Also, determining, just in the sense that I think there was a lot that I went through that kind of cast my personality in a mold and made me face things I never thought I could but I actually can and did! Also just— comforting.

I’ve always been an anxious person, and in some ways that will never change, but there’s been something about this year and the last that have made me settle down like I never have before. It feels exciting to me at times, thinking that I’m the oldest I’ve ever been, but at the same time I had the happiest time this year kind of…learning to let the parts of me that didn’t get to live so much in my previous years get to run around and scream and read and sing and laugh and play to their hearts content, and with all of that happening it’s become so comforting to me, just to exist.

I can’t control a lot of things, I can’t really shelter anyone like I used to think I was built to do, but in the end I can figure out how to comfort myself when my melancholia wants me to sit at the edge of the tub and sob my eyes out, and I’m getting better and better at talking myself down from that and when I succeed, I can do a better job at being a comfort to those around me. In a lot of ways, that’s what I’ve come to believe my calling is— to learn how to be a comfort to myself, and through that, being a comfort to those who are near me.

And that's all, folks! Tag me if you want to fill this out, too!!

#i should really start an about me tag #about eden #:D