#he's only at the no.2 spot bc a certain someone else has forced his way into my mind for the last 12 months with his chaotic antics

[shanefilan]

My Men of the Year 2023: 2. Joint #1 Shane Filan

#shane filan #westlife #my man of the year every year since 1998 tbh #he's only at the no.2 spot bc a certain someone else has forced his way into my mind for the last 12 months with his chaotic antics #meanwhile shane's been in about a million other countries on tour and hasn't given me enough content for my liking #but he is the blueprint for all of my crushes -- dark hair brown eyes dazzling smile strong jawline #love of my life since i was 7 years old #moty23

[azucarmorena97]

BTS as Cliched School Tropes || (Hyung Line)

High school's over and now, the real world is at their fingertips. Let's see how the boys fair at University!

Maknae line here <3

1.) Jin: The Preppy Rich Kid

incredibly rich

incredibly dumb Not that invested in his education

Is actually pretty sweet once you get to know him (even if he is an incorrigible flirt)

throws a lot of parties bc his parents are always busy/out of town

gets overcharged for weed all the time

actually really lonely You look over at him, the moonlight seeping in through his sheer curtains shining on his face- it makes him look almost angelic. "Can I tell you something?" He asks, speech slurring slightly. You can hear the loud music and occasional cheering coming from downstairs, but he's completely unfazed. "Sure..." You're not quite sure why, but your stomach is whirring around, and your heart is beating rapidly in your chest. "You're the most amazing girl I've ever met." You blink slowly, unsure if you heard what you think you did, "What?" "You heard me," He says, finally turning to look at you. You blush and look down at your hands, unsure of what to say. "You don't belong here, you know." You scrunch your brows in confusion, "What does that mean?" "You've got an entire future to make for yourself- dreams to achieve. All of those people downstairs...me...this is all we're ever gonna be." Your heart breaks at his words, "Jin, that's not true. You've got-" He cuts you off mid-sentence, "Y/n... can you just hold me for a bit?" You're caught by surprise by his request, but you immediately sit up, wordlessly inviting him into you and within seconds, he's moving closer and leaning his entire body onto yours. His hair gently tickles your nose but you don't dare adjust yourself. In this moment, he's not the obnoxious skirt chaser that you see around on campus all the time- no, in this moment, he's small- almost childlike- and he's yours...if only for the moment. 2.) Suga: Stoner/Bad Boy

Rarely smiles in public

Reserved

Is pretty intimidating and unapproachable at first glance

Actually pretty loyal and loving

Overcharges Jin for weed (and other "party favors")

has a pretty tough home life You've seen him here in that same spot every single day; leaned up against a car, joint tucked behind his ear, sun glasses over his eyes, a bored yet vigilant expression on his face. You've never been one to mind someone else' business but you are, admittedly, very intrigued by him. Something about the way he watches people go by, the way he taps the ash off of his cigarettes- even the way he lowers his glasses to meet people's eyes. He's kind of...beautiful. You're snapped out of your thoughts by him waving his hand at you slightly, to which you respond by immediately lowering your gaze back to the open textbook in your lap. "Oh God," You mutter, completely embarrassed. Caught staring- what a rookie. "Hey!" You hear him call out but it takes you a moment to force yourself to look back up. When you do, he has a smirk on his face, almost as though he delights in flustering you. You turn side to side, making absolutely certain he's talking to you. Me? You mouth, pointing at yourself. He nods, and for the first time, you see him smile. You almost don't even know what to do when he starts making his way over to you. Your instinct is to scramble to shove everything in your bag, but you freeze like a deer in headlights. "Hey," He says. "Hi." "You spying on me?" He asks, though you can't tell if he's asking seriously or not. You furrow your brows, "No?" You motion to the book in your lap and show him the high lighter in your hand. "You sure? Because I'm pretty sure I've seen you here like, every day for the past two weeks." "Well, it is a public park, you know?" You can't help but catch a tiny bit of an attitude, seeing as how he's inferring that you only come to the park to see him. He chuckles, "True...," He crouches down to meet your eye level this time, "what's you name?" "Y/n..." "Y/n," He repeats, as though he's savoring each letter, "I like it. Beautiful name for a beautiful girl." He says it so simply, like flirting is nothing for him, meanwhile you already feel your cheeks heating up and your heart beating just a bit faster. "Wh-what's yours?" You ask, clearing your throat as you try to sound nonchalant. "Well, most people call me Suga but you...you can call me Yoongi." "Yoongi." This time, it's your turn to taste. "Y/n, what would you say if i asked you for your number?" You can't help the small smile that forms on your face, not having expected such a bold request. "I...don't know. Why don't you try it and we'll see what happens." He laughs, "Okay, fine...Y/n, may I please have your number?" "Hm...I suppose I could." "Oh, you 'suppose', do you?" He laughs, reaching into his back pocket to get out his phone, handing it over to you, "Here. Type it in." You comply, saving your number under your name followed by an emoji of an open book, "There." "Perfect," He says, a smug smile on his face, "Maybe I'll shoot you a text later and we can hang out some time." You nod, "Sounds good." As he's getting up, his sunglasses that he's hung on his collar fall off and land in the grass. "Oh, you're glasses," You say, picking them up and trying to hand them to him, "Keep 'em." "You sure?" "Positive. You'd look way more beautiful in them than I ever could," He says, flashing that same smile he'd shown minutes before. He turns around and walks back to his car, the engine roaring to life as he hops in. Within minutes of him pulling off, you hear a ding coming from your phone, revealing a text notification from an unknown number, ##: 𝐒𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐰, 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐮𝐥.

3.) Jhope: Dorky Best Friend

Funniest guy you know

gets along with like, everyone

shameless flirt

loyal

golden retriever central

definitely in love with you (think Pretty in Pink) "Hoseok, enough!" You say in between laughs, "We have to finish this lab." He sighs loudly, "Oh come on, let's just go get some coffee. Live on the wild side once in a while." You sternly shake your head, "Nope. We already 'lived on the wild side' last week when you wanted to get out of Statistics." He rolls his eyes, "Fine. Party pooper." A few minutes go by before he's gently tugging on your sleeve, "Y/nnnnnnnn..." He wines quietly. You look over at him to see he's fully puppy-dog-eyeing you. "Hoseok, how do you even pass your classes?" He shrugs, "My good looks and irresistible charm." You can't help the loud belly laugh that erupts out of you, "You're the literal worst." "Nah," He smiles smugly, "You love me." This time you're the one rolling your eyes, though admittedly, something in his smile makes you feel... "Do I?" You ask, ignoring the present butterflies in your stomach. "Of course you do. And guess what?" "What?" "I love you too," He says, completely unabashed, eyes fixed on you, lips pulled into a soft smile. Your cheeks get hot and you have to look away, "Just do the lab, you oaf." "Anything for you." 4.) Namjoon: Class President

full of himself

used to have a pretty strict no dating policy for himself. Dating is a distraction. See below

cannot get you off his mind

cocky as all hell

serious about his studies and becoming a politician

attention whore good at public speaking "Ugh, can we just take a break," You whine, throwing yourself backwards onto his bed. He tries desperately to ignore the little sliver of exposed torso, looking up at the ceiling as he speaks, "No breaks. You hired me to tutor you, and tutor is what I'm going to do." "Hire you? You're doing it for community service credits." "Ok, doesn't mean I don't have to do a good job." You roll your eyes, "Just give up. I'm a lost cause," You pull a pillow over your face, seriously considering whether or not to end it all right then and there. "Oh, come on," He gets up from his desk chair and makes his way over to sit next to you, "It's not over. We just gotta find your angle, you know? A way for you to understand the material." "But we've been at this for a week already and I've yet to learn one thing," You say exasperatedly into the pillow. He allows himself to fall back next to you, eyes fixed on the ceiling still, though this time it's to get some thinking done, "How about this- let's try for one more hour. If we get some reading done for your chemistry class, we can go take a break somewhere else," He looks over at you, automatically fighting a laugh at how ridiculously childish you look. You say something, though it's muffled and hard to understand. "What?" Again, he strains to understand but it's no use. "Y/n, I can't understand you. Take the pillow off your damn face." "I said-" You throw the pillow off exasperatedly, though when you turn toward him, your breath catches in your throat; his face only inches from yours. Instantly, there's something there- something you both feel. A connection: thick and heavy. Wordlessly, you stare for what feels like minutes. This boy who had essentially been forced to tutor you, who had been #1 on your list of most-hated people...looks completely different in this light. Almost...completely human. "Y/n..." The lowness of his voice makes your stomach feel like it's doing flips. "Yeah..." You say breathlessly. "I think we should take a break now." Slowly, he leans in, eyes closing gently, before his lips finally touch yours; gently and slowly at first, but as the seconds go by, it becomes deeper and more intense. "Namjoon." "Mm?" "I think I understand the chemistry homework now."

That's all for the hyung line! Maknae line coming soon <3

#bts x reader #bts #jin #suga #namjoon #ramponsta #rm #jhope #bts imagine #love #fluff #bts fanfic

[ultimatedemonsimp]

It's come to my attention that there is not a lot of t-word content on Obey Me! And as a member of both communities, I am expected to provide what is lacking. This has MC as a switch.

Obey Me! Shall We Date? Tickle headcanons!

Lucifer

Whether you want to believe it or not, he didn't get into tickle fights much.

That being said, when he did, he was a ruthless ler through and through.

He didn't get involved because none of the brothers, not even Mammon, are dumb enough to provoke him.

Then MC comes along.

With their lack of self preservation instincts and common sense, provoking Lucifer into tickle fights, no matter how one sided they are, becomes almost a daily occurrence.

Finds himself now beginning to identify more as a ler-leaning-switch.

Main spots are his shoulder blades, sides, ribs, and hips. Rough tickles get the loudest responses, though reactions to light scratching, fluttering, and/or pinching his ribs are absolutely adorable.

Though he is a ler-leaning-switch, that doesn't mean he has at all left his ruthlessness at the door, he could still probably kill someone if he wanted to.

Uses all kinds of tickles depending on who and where it is. (Will die before telling anyone, but he really like to give and receive sillier stuff like nibbles and raspberries)

He was/is a bit gentler with MC because he, originally, though that the human was too fragile for what he normally does. If MC straight up tells him that they don't want him to be easy on them, then, believe you me, he won't. Do be prepared, MCs that believe they can take it, to be almost killed every single time.

8/10 for ticklishness.

Mammon

If he says his middle name is gambling, he's lying, it's actually switch.

As a playful tickle monster of a ler and a blushy, flustered mess of a lee, this man can not take what he dishes out.

This mf growls in the most teasing way possible, the three times in at least a dozen millenia that Lucifer found himself in the position of lee even he found himself blushing at the second born's antics.

MC comes along and this man almost dies on several occasions.

He doesn't need to breathe, but gdi, he wish he did so he could use that to make them stop.

Don't worry about what gets the best reactions, all of them do.

Even though... go for the middle section (right where his wings pop out) of his back if you want him to beg, ribs+sides if you want frantic laughter, and thighs+ass if you want high notes.

Did I mention that he's a brat? 'Cause he's a brat.

He will do anything but what you tell him to, if he knows you'll tickle him. He's the kind of brat that thinks they can take it, but start begging before you even touch them.

Over all, 13/10 on the ticklish scale.

Leviathan

This mans...

Right off the bat, baby's a lee-leaning switch.

He lers to get revenge on some people and lees most of the time.

He ended up on the losing side of tickle fights nine times outta ten.

When he does ler though...

The tail in his demon form isn't just for direction and decoration, oh, no, no, he'll pin you with it so he can use both hands. If a majority of it is free, he'll use it to help tickle you, too.

His preferred method of tickling people in poking bc it doesn't require to much physical contact, but if he's really trying he'll go all out. Squeezes, raspberries, nibbles, pinches, and that's not even the end of the list.

Teases his lee by pointing out obvious shit, like how red their face is, how they've been bested by a "dirty otaku", how much their laughing, etc, etc.

Then Mc comes along and he just can't-

Malfunctions 75% of the time he's suddenly touched, and when Mc appears outta nowhere to start shit that gets bumped up to 80%.

Tease him, trust me.

He'll whine about it, but he wants it.

Lower back damn near kills him, underarms are torture, and stummy turns him into the giggly-ist, blushy-ist, adorable ball of mush you've ever seen.

12/10 for ticklish asf.

Satan

You can't even attempt to tickle this man.

Right below Lucifer when it comes to who wins the family tickle fights.

He's in a full on war with Lucifer for the No. 1 spot.

He has yet to win against his brother/father, and probably never will-

Ler all the way, and he's RUTHLESS.

Like, more ruthless than Lucifer, because Lucifer will let up so you breathe after a while so you don't suffocate.

Satan has spells that will force oxygen into and out of your lungs and, if he uses them, that's it. You're fucked. You pissed him off, now he's gonna get you back until he feels satisfied.

When Mc comes along, he's actually kinda happy when they challenge him.

Finally! I worthy opponent! Our battle shall be legendary!

Teasing will result in immediate termination by tickles.

He cackles like an evil mastermind if you squeeze his hips, will attempt to fist-fight you if you start poking around him back, and,- just,-... gives tf up if you go for the outer side of his thighs.

7/10 but just can't take it.

Asmodeus

Careful, now! Asmo is just about anything and everything.

This baby is 100% a switch and changes for whatever his partner wants.

Lees, you want a ruthless ler? Merciful? Something else/in between? Asmo's got you.

Lers, you want a brat? Obedient? Something else/in between? Asmo's got you!

Fellow switches? Anytime, anywhere, Asmo. Has. Got you.

Asmo often tries to use tickle fights to feel people up, but it's kinda hard to do that when your arms are pinned above your head, so he'll just sit there and take it.

However, he has accidentally started them from attempting to feel someone up.

He's ticklish just about everywhere, but his thighs, knees and underarms deserve some special attention.

Absolutely the demon to tease his 'lees with compliments (unless it's Mammon, to which then it's straight up lecturing or insults)

NAILS.

Watch out for this man's nails because they're deadly.

That being said, he know just how tickly his nails are and uses them every chance he gets, so you really can't watch out for them.

I've said before that he'll be whatever the other wants, but when he wants to tickle, he's mean. The kind of mean that makes lees keyboard smash.

6/10, but it can and will change depending on the person.

Beelzebub

Tickle monster 2.0

Tickle bear hugs!

He is a ler, but he's a very sweet ler.

Light tickles, nibbles, chomp-ies, kisses, the occasional raspberry here and there.

He teases by asking questions that would be normal to ask in any other situation, but it's flustering in this one.

Gets into tickle fights all the time!

He's the one holding the person who started it down, while the others go ham on them.

Hungy Sweetheart just wants to be helpful!

He's almost never lee'd!

Then MC comes along and figures out that's because he's only ticklish in very certain spots that's no one'd really checked.

The only other person to know where those are, is Belphie bc it's Belphie-

Baby is very scared of hurting you, so he doesn't try to fight you off, or buck, or anything.

Doesn't really laugh, but he does giggle. When you find those spots near his neck and stomach, he's giggling like a mad man.

4/10 but is very sweet.

Belphegore

Our poor, tired, murderous calf...

Yeah, in an alternate universe, he killed us with tickles.

We've got another ruthless ler on our hands.

You'd think he doesn't care about tickling people bc tired, but that's how he gets ya

If you're getting chased, you're more likely to run to the one place you know there's a person who wouldn't wanna tickle you, but, secretly, that person does want to tickle you and once you've locked the door and hunkered down with them, you've dug your own grave.

The ler that's gonna tell you to be quiet while they attack your worst spots.

He's a ler, but that doesn't mean he's not ticklish.

Over all, he's not insanely ticklish like Levi or Mammon, but he's pretty bad.

His neck, thighs and belly make him laugh desperately, but anywhere else is light giggles and squeaks to yelps and squeals.

Squeezing is his favorite, giving and receiving.

6/10 for the 7th born

That's it for now, I've had this sitting in my queue for months now and I had to get this out of it. Consider this a part 1 and part 2 will be the "Neo Dateables" or side characters.

#obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me! spoilers #obey me tickle #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me asmo #obey me asmodeus #obey me satan #obey me beel #obey me Beelzebub #obey me belphie #obey me Belphegore

[zuffer-weird-girl]

How u think kai will react if he raised his hand during argument&his s/o flinched thinking thst he will hit her? He didn't know but s/o was abused by her*hero*parents for being quircklss&went through inhuman experiments to activate it.They abandoned her in orphan announcing their*precious daughter*died while the truth thy didnt want her 2 bring shame 2 them.Kai discovered that latter bc those info are top hero secrets&she didnt tell him thinking kai will hate her if he found shes hero's daughter

HAHAHA, HOW WOULD KAI REACT?! KAI CHISAKI?! OVERHAUL. REACT TO THIS?!

My god; he would be enraged, completely surrounded by hatred and desire of execution of these two worms considered to be your biological parents.

Discussions between you two were normal; you are a couple, it happens; but even knowing that Kai would never lay a finger to hurt you, you couldn't help but squirm in terror and guard youself with your arms at the moment he raised his hands to only emphasize his point in the argument.

He immediately stopped talking as soon as he saw your scared look; sadly, he knew that expression way too well; and ended the argument right then and there.

Hearing your back story was enough for making his blood boil in a way it never had before but he maintained his composure for your sake.

Now, really, you only increased like, 100x more his hatred for heroes... Congrats.

"They're all sick. This hero syndrome has to be cured, look at what happens when we let those verms in the street... Absolutely disgusting."

Chisaki would become a little more affectionate after this just for ease your nerves. But when he is certain that you're at peace again...

That's when the real show begins...

The hero entered his home completely exausted due to his busy day at the agency as he took off his boots and called for his wife. When he heard no response he went in allert; knowing that she had taken a day off, she must had stayed in home.

He called once again checking every room in his big mansion. When he entered the living room he went rigid when he saw, not his wife, but a man in a green jacket holding one of his extremely expensive cups looking at the window.

Frightening and cold golden eyes; that seemed to pierce his soul; found them qs he finally spoke

"You're late." He spited the words before the hero felt something strongly hit the back of his neck, causing him to pass out immediately.

The man awakened feeling extremely sore as he heard his wife pleading for him to wake up. When he finally got back to reality, he noticed that both of them were chained tightly with their backs against each other.

"W-we were kidnapped dear...!" She whispered in fear "Use your quirk to get us out before the raptors come back, hurry!" She pleaded.

"Alright don't worry, we will be out of here in no time."

Suddenly, a bullet came out of no wear and hitted him straight on his chest, causing the woman to scream if her husband was okay.

"I wouldn't move around too much if I were in your shoes..." spoke a man covered in a plague mask and white hoodie aproaching the trembling couple, never once lowering down his gun.

The man winced in pain before trying to use his quirk to attack the shooter.

Sickes bitch

"W-what?" The man spoke in shook "W-what happened with my quirk?! What ylu did to me your fucker?!"

"Language." Spoke coldly the man before merciless shooting the woman's leg.

The female hero cried in pain letting out a few curses at the stranger.

"For two heroes, both of you are completely useless and disposable, aren't you?" A hushed voice spoke in the shadows of the cold building.

"What do you want from us, damn villain?" Struggled the man in the chains.

The young yakusa boss lifted himself from his place on the dark and slowly walked toward the frightened couple; looking at them with murderous, wide, psychotic eyes; following right after them two mans with also plague masks covering their faces.

Actually now that they notice, there was eight in total... all of them around.

"W-wait a second-!" Said the woman in realization "You're that young leader of Shie Hassaikai! That young yakusa group, his name is Overhaul!" Chisaki didn't seem to even listened the woman, opting to look down in nothing but disgust at the quivering man in front of him.

"Despicable, you and your wife are just disgusting... Not only carry in your veins the hero syndrome but also did something that I can't just let slide..."

"We didn't even once got into the yakusa young man, I swear on all of my career-!"

"Your words are simply equal to trash to me so don't even need to spend your breath." Interrupted the villain, extending his open hand at his side.

A black thing that was on the shoulder of a much taller man gave it to him what seemed like an really old newspaper. When the young leader grabbed, he immediately oppen it on one od the pages, reading out loud.

"'Today, unfortunately, we announce the loss of our beloved, quirkless yet respected only child (Y/N) ... While we were just enjoying the few but precious family moments together, a despicable villain attacked us and took her life during the combat. We, with pure grudge and thirsting for justice, have put the evil factor in behind the bars, but still it does not fill the void that our beloved deceased daughter left us ... rest and peace my sweet (Y/N), we will always have you in our hearts.'" Chisaki read all of what was written in pure rage.

"You two are quite the actors, to have to say that on a jornal." The man wearing a white hoodie spoke coldly.

"Actors?" Laughed nervously the woman "Our daughter died during a villain's fight long ago... She was quirkless, couldn't even protect herse-"

"I don't even need to use my quirk to identify your lies woman." Spoke the man on Overhaul's side "Those are beautiful words but clearly false."

"You really think we are that dUMB YOU PUNks?!" Screamed Mimic in offense.

"What will be your orders boss?" A blond with green shirt spoke in pure sadistic exciment.

Overhaul raised his hand, demanding silence with his gesture, as he messed in his jacket pocket before pulling out a small picture.

He abruptly shoved both of the old newspaper; which had the photo of the supposed deceased child; and a picture that he had took it of you.

"Don't you verms think that these two are a A BIT too similiar?!" He couldn't contain his wrath and shouted at both at them making both heroes flinch in fear.

"Abandoned by you both in a shelter just because they couldn't reach your expectations of being what you two are..." Spoke coldly Chrono aiming his gun close to the womans forehead.

Overhaul gave the paper back to Mimic and right after, saving the photo back in his pocket.

"Usually I don't like dirting my hands, but you two are a real special case..." he started to lower his gloves down.

"Wait a second, please!" Pleaded the man almost tearing up "H-How about a deal? Me and my wife can give you all of our money we earned as heroes! Think about about it!" The woman gave her husband a glare due to his offer.

Greddy woman... despicable. They didn't remind him any of you... thankfully.

"How much you're willing to gave us?" Spoke in interest Mimic.

"Anything really! Just let us go and don't mention about... her to anyone." Chisaki wanted to rip this man's head out of his body at the way your "father" mentioned you.

"Give them all of your credits cards and you passwords. Now." Demanded the quivering man at his wife who hesitantly showed where it was in her purse.

Chrono took all of them, right after giving Kai a silently sign that it was real and he got them right.

"Everyone, except Chrono and Mimic, get out of here and wait outside." Commanded Overhaul which everyman respind with an "yes sir."

Right after Nemoto closed the door, Mimic unchained the couple, but just as them got up to their feet, Kurono headlocked the woman as Chisaki punched the man with all his force, making him hit the floor.

"HON-" Chrono pressed the gun in the women's temple.

"Shut your mouth if you don't want your brain to explode it with this damn bullet."

Overhaul marched his way and grabbed the man's collar shirt staring at him what only could be described as a death glare.

"B-but our deal-!"

"Yo punk, we accepted the money but we didn't say anything about letting you go." Said Mimic checking all of the credit cards while holding a phone.

"You didn't really think I would let go that easy did you?" Groaned Chisaki "After everthing you and your project of a wife did to my angel..."

"Y-your what-" the man couldn't even complete his question when Chisaki merciless touched his forehead and overhauled him on the spot.

The woman screamed in terror. Trying to get out of her captor's hold.

"Don't worry I didn't forget about you... disgusting." Overhaul muttered as he rubbed his hand.

"MONSTER! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!" the woman shouted not even caring about the gun glued to the side of her head anymore.

"You really are just as dumb as your husband here. I will bring him back, his punishment isn't over..." he looked at her with threatening eyes "Monster huh? Look at both of you, damn hypocrites... Listen closely." He approached the woman who trembles in fear and hate at the villain.

"For every moment of pain; physically and emotionally; for every single tear that escaped from my angel's eyes due to your actions... I will kill; torture even; you both and bring you back over and over again until I am deeply satisfied..." the woman started to sobbing in fear as she pleaded for forgiveness and beged for let them go.

"Isn't it glorius? Feeling completely vulnerable, useless and totally submissive at the power at someone else's hands? I am not the person who you should be begging for forgiveness, but I guess you let that chance slip years ago, didn't you? What a great mother..." he spoke in pure sadistic sarcasm.

In a quick move Chisaki comanded that Chrono let go of the woman, making her hit the cold ground. And just before her eyes could've had catch it, he touched her face with all of his hand and overhauled her.

"Despicable creatures..." mumbled Chisaki as he saw the mess on the ground. He made his way to your once father when Chrono called his attention holding his cellphone for Kai to see.

"It's (Y/N), she's asking how are you doing and if we will take too long to come back. What should I respond?"

"Hey Overhaul? Isn't tommorow or after the day when you meet her or something?"Asked Mimic pointed one of the many credit cards at his boss. Subconsciously giving the young villain an idea.

"Tell her is going to take a little more than we expected, my job here isn't totally complete... But tell that I have a surprise for her so just be patient." Chrono nodded as Mimic snickered.

"Getting lucky with your partner Overhaul?"

"Shut your mouth Mimic."

#overhaul x reader #overhaul scenario #fanfic overhaul #chisaki kai imagine scenario #chisaki kai x reader #bnha x reader #bnha character x reader #bnha villains x reader #bnha #bnha imagine scenario #bnha characters #bnha villains #overhaul #chisaki kai #I LOVED WRITING THIS #my writing #zuffer writings

[icyharrington]

Gratitude (Michael Langdon X Reader) Part 2

this is some nasty ass shit right here. femdoms, get ya popcorn ready, bc... ohhhh boy😈😈 this takes place a while after gratitude part 1, when michael goes to the hawthorne school!

plot: michael langdon, boy wonder, has newfound confidence and power after going away to the hawthorne school. that doesn’t mean that he’s exempt from discipline, though, and it looks like he’s in need of some.

warnings: sub!michael, fem!reader, pegging, face fucking(w/ a strap on), anal fingering lmao, degradation, dirty talk, spanking

word count: 4k 

“You know, Michael,” you said, your hands traveling up his dress shirt as you slid each button into its hold, “as much as I hate not having you around, it’s partly worth it just to see you in this outfit.”

He chuckled, straightening his neck for you as you tied the thin black ribbon into a neat bow and folded his collar down. “You like it?” he asked hopefully, widening his eyes half-seriously.

“Are you kidding? I love it,” you said, reaching up to adjust his hair so it framed his face the way he liked.

You hadn’t seen Michael since he’d gone away to the Hawthorne school a month ago; you were beyond proud of him for being as skilled as he was, but it had gotten so lonely no longer having your blond-haired boyfriend at an arm’s length from you. Being here with him now, you felt whole. He was your other half, and it killed you to be away from him.

“Though, I have to say, it’d probably look a lot better on the floor,” you said, your voice lowering as you slid your hands across his waist and pulled him close to you. You looked up at him, craning your neck to whisper into his ear: “Have you been a good boy this past month?”

He nodded, cheeks flushing. He’d changed drastically from the shy, sweet boy he’d once been, but certain things about him had remained the same. Even though he was powerful now and confident in his demeanor, he still loved nothing more than to be completely under your control. 

“Good,” you whispered, enjoying the way his breath hitched in response to your close proximity. “Then I’ll have to reward you later.”

There was a flurry of noise from behind his bedroom door, followed by the sound of someone’s knuckles impatiently rapping against it. “Langdon, dude, come on. We’re all going to get dinner now.”

He looked in the direction of the noise, a disinterested look on his face. “Go on,” you said. “I’ll meet you there. I’m not finished getting ready yet.”

“I’d rather stay here with you,” he mumbled, pressing his lips against your jaw. There was more knocking at the door, which you both did not react to.

“I’m gonna be a while. I was driving all day to come see you, I look a mess.” You put your finger up to his mouth, preventing him from offering the obligatory No, you don’t that boyfriends were expected to give. “I already ate dinner. I’m just gonna come down to say hi to your friends.”

He nodded, kissing you softly before turning to the door. “Be right out,” he called.

“His girlfriend is visiting him,” came a second muffled voice. “His dick is probably being sucked as we speak.”

You raised an eyebrow at him, and he cleared his throat. “I can hear you, you know.”

There was a chorus of laughter from the group of boys behind the door, and you rolled your eyes. “Go on, have fun,” you said, pushing him lightly in the direction of the door. He looked over his shoulder at you with a grin, and then he was off. You shook your head, listening to the boisterous voices of his friends, almost feeling like a disapproving mother dropping her son off with his bad-influence friends. This is normal, you thought, albeit sadly, unable to shake the inkling of worry you harbored that he’d forget about you.

Of course he wouldn’t forget about you. He loved you. He owned you, even, just as much as you owned him. You took in a breath and sat down on the side of his bed, rummaging through your makeup bag. It’d been so much easier when it had only been the two of you, but you had to let him experience his life. He needed it. He deserved it, more than anyone else.

But still, you worried.

//

“Dude, is that from your girlfriend? That shit’s fuckin’ humongous,” you heard a faceless warlock say as you walked through the dining hall. From a few other boys came a murmur of agreement, and you wondered what they were talking about as you scanned the tables for Michael.

You heard a cocky-sounding laugh, and a familiar one at that. All at once, you realized what was going on: Michael was sitting with his back to you, but you could tell he was tilting his head to one side in order to show off the reddish-purple welt on his neck while his friends stared in awe. “Oh, this? Well, yeah. I mean, she couldn’t keep her hands off me. You know how needy girls can get.”

You stopped in your tracks. Fucking idiot, you thought, folding your arms in front of you in wait of what else he might say. “Damn. She must have been really going at it,” laughed a dark-haired boy, leaning in to get a better look at the mark.

Michael shrugged nonchalantly, and from the bit of his profile you could see, you could tell there was a smirk on his lips. “I had to tell her, you know, ‘my friends and I wanna get dinner, and we’ll have plenty of time later to-‘“

You decided this was the perfect time to interrupt, approaching behind Michael and placing your hands on his shoulders, demanding the attention of the entire group.

“Are you guys talking about that mark on Michael’s neck? Yeah, it’s pretty crazy. He was really curious about seeing what he’d look like with straight hair, so he borrowed my straightener and accidentally burnt the shit out of himself.” You weren’t even lying, either, which made him all the more pathetic for gloating to his friends.

Michael looked up at you with a close-mouthed grin, and you were satisfied to see the panic behind his pale eyes. “There you are, baby,” he said, his voice cracking nervously. “I was wondering what was taking so long. Guys, this is (y/n).”

One warlock snorted, his eyes traveling back and forth between you and Michael as he regarded your expressions. “So, like, did you actually get that mark from a hair straightener?”

Michael’s shoulders slumped, your hands still perched on them, and you gave him a hard squeeze. You didn’t need to see his face to know that he was burning up. Good, you thought. He should be fucking embarrassed. “What else would it be from?” you said brightly, staring down the warlock who sat next to Michael until he scooted over.

You slid in next to your boyfriend, immediately gripping his thigh beneath the table; your nails sank into his skin through his dress pants, causing him to wince. “Sorry,” you said, leaning an elbows on the table and settling your chin on your palm. “I just couldn’t keep my hands off you, I guess.”

The look he gave you showed you enough; he knew he was fucked. And soon enough, he would be- you could guarantee that.

//

“What the fuck was that about?” you demanded, not bothering to wait for Michael to shut his bedroom door behind him. He looked at you sheepishly, hands in his pockets.

“I’m sorry, (y/n). I just- you know how guys are, right? I just want them to like me.”

“Save it,” you snapped, reaching for your bag which sat on his bed. “Get on your fucking knees. You wanna use your mouth so bad? Then I’ll make sure you do.”

He sank to his knees immediately, pulling off his jacket and discarding it behind him, an eager smirk on his lips as he looked up at you. “Is this supposed to be a punishment? You know how much I love to taste you.”

You laughed humorlessly, taking his chin in your hand and harshly turning it upwards. “Oh, believe me, Michael. You aren’t tasting me tonight.”

Before he could respond, you took your bag into the bathroom, leaving him kneeling on the wood. You hadn’t planned to punish him tonight, but his behavior certainly warranted it. As pissed off as you were at him for having been so completely idiotic, the thought of having him beg and plead excited you, to say the least. You rummaged through your bag in search of the surprise you’d brought for Michael, your underwear dampening in anticipation.

When you found your strap-on, you smiled deviously to yourself. You’d used it on Michael before, but he didn’t know that you’d brought it with you to visit him, and you couldn’t wait to see the look on his face when you presented it before him. Hiking up your skirt and pulling off your underwear, you put it on, running your fingertips along the length. 

You always felt sort of powerful when you wore it, especially when you had Michael on his knees in front of you. You pulled your skirt back down and walked back into Michael’s room, finding him in the same spot you’d left him.

You looked at him and scoffed; he was noticeably hard through his expensive pants, his lips parted and eager. Slowly you made your way over to him, stopping once your crotch was in front of his face. Then you grabbed a fist full of golden curls and yanked his head back to look at you, drawing a soft yelp from his mouth.

“Open your mouth,” you ordered, and immediately he did as he was told. “And keep your hands on your knees. You don’t get to touch me.”

He watched as you pulled up your skirt, hands fidgeting restlessly over his thighs as you revealed the thick length of the strap-on. His eyes widened, but you didn’t allow him to question you- you forced the fake cock into his mouth, making him gag, your fists tightly grasping his hair.  

He let out a strangled choking sound as you forced it to the back of his throat, your grip tight enough to keep him in place. “What do you think your little warlock friends would think if they saw this, huh? Their strong boy wonder choking on his girlfriend’s fake cock.”

He moaned, and you knew he was loving this. You pulled his head back and thrusted your hips forward, finding a steady rhythm to fuck his face. Even though you weren’t being touched, you almost moaned yourself, just by witnessing Michael in this state of submission. “You think they’d still think you were a big man if they saw this? Huh?”

You tugged his hair and he shook his head as best he could, saliva dribbling down his chin and onto the front of his shirt. He’d balled his fists up over his legs, struggling not to reach out and touch you, but you refrained from praising him- he didn’t deserve it. 

“You’re taking my cock so well,” you mumbled, licking your lips at the vulgar noises coming from your boyfriend’s throat. Glancing down, you could see that his eyes were shut as he immersed himself in the degrading act. “Look at me,” you demanded, and his eyes snapped open, darkened with lust.

“You want me to fuck you?” you asked him, slowing down the thrusts to watch him slide his head up and down the length. He nodded, and you pulled the cock out of his mouth, watching him for a moment as he gasped for air. His lips were swollen and red, eyes heavy-lidded, and you reached down to stroke his jaw. He looked beautiful like this, all disheveled and lustful and used. 

“Get up,” you said, and he jumped to his feet, using the back of his sleeve to wipe away the spit on his mouth. “What do you say?” you brushed his hair out of his face before cupping it.

“Thank you,” he said, eyelashes fluttering shyly. You could see by the way his cheeks had flushed that he was thoroughly humiliated, but knowing Michael, it probably had made him rock hard.

“Take your clothes off and get on the bed,” you told him simply, folding your arms in front of you as you waited for him to strip. You watched him undress, mouth watering when he pulled down his boxers to expose his hardened length, leaking with precum; as much as you wanted to feel it inside you, or wrap your lips around the flushed tip, you’d have to ignore it- this was a punishment, after all.

He crawled onto the bed and laid on his stomach, his rounded ass on display for you as he looked over his shoulder and shot you a coy grin. You responded with a cold stare, before returning to your bag and retrieving a bottle of lube, which of course was essential for times like this.

You climbed onto the bed after him, parting his legs so you were behind him, the tip of your strap-on poking at his ass. He wiggled a bit, and you placed your palm on his lower back to keep him still. Then you put down the lube next to him and reached forward to spread his ass cheeks, fingernails digging into his soft flesh.

He whined, and you landed a smack on his cheek hard enough to leave a palm-shaped mark. You moved one hand downwards and ran your fingertips lightly over his entrance, causing him to shiver, porcelain skin dotted over with goosebumps. “Do your friends know you like to get fucked in the ass?” you asked him, circling your fingers around his hole teasingly. “That you like having your hole filled up while you get fucked into the mattress?”

He squirmed, and you slapped him again, the sound of your hand connecting with his skin crisp and loud. “Answer me, Michael.”

“N-no, they don’t know,” he whispered, and you brought two fingers to your lips, sucking them noisily.

“And why not? You had no problem lying to them about how desperate I was to suck on your neck,” you said calmly, dipping your wet fingers just barely inside him. He groaned and you stopped, tracing your fingers along his spine with mock-tenderness.

“B-because it’s- it’s embarrassing,” he said, his voice cracking. You pushed your fingers further inside him, reveling in how impossibly tight he was. You hadn’t fucked him like this in a while, so you knew you’d have to prep him with extra care tonight.

“But you love it so much,” you said, now knuckle deep inside him, and he rolled his hips back needily against you. “Even right now. You’re so desperate for me to push my fingers all the way in you, reach that spot that drives you crazy. Isn’t that right?”

He nodded frantically, his curls bouncing as he mumbled something incomprehensible. “So why would you be embarrassed?” you asked, spreading apart your fingers slightly to stretch him as you slid them deeper.

“B-because,” he let out a shaky sob as you completely filled him, parting your fingers further now and pumping them slowly.

“Because you don’t want them to know their manly supreme-to-be is really a needy little boy who wants to be fucked like a bitch?” The words were biting, lingering on the back of your tongue after they came out; you’d feel guilty if you didn’t already know how hard they were making him.

He only groaned, your pace increasing slowly but surely as you fucked him with your fingers. He was so tight, it almost worried you that your fingers would soon be replaced with a reasonably large dick, but you knew he could handle it. He loved the discomfort, the pain, and the way it melted seamlessly into the pleasure. He arched his back, rolling his ass against your hand to try and feel as much of you as possible. “Stay still,” you warned, and he returned his hips to rest against the mattress.

“Tell me how bad you wanna be fucked,” you said, twisting a strand of his hair from the nape of his neck around your free hand. “Beg for it like the bitch you are.”

He moaned at your words, his voice dropping an octave as your fingers thrusted down inside him harshly. You tugged his hair, bringing his head up off the pillow so you could hear his pleading clearly; this was the part that always excited you the most.

“P-please,” he said, raspy and raw. He balled up his fists around his sheets, a dip forming on his lower back as he lifted his ass up towards you. “I n-need it. Please.”

You hummed, scissoring your fingers apart for a third time in order to get him ready for what was to come. “I don’t think you deserve it.”

“Please, I’ll be a good boy, I promise,” he croaked, and you let go of his hair, sending his face plummeting back into the pillows and staining them with his tears.

“I don’t know, Michael,” you said pensively, holding him down while you increased the speed of your rhythm; he was crying now, muscular shoulders shaking, and for a moment you genuinely wondered what his friends would make of a scene like this. “You told me earlier that you were a good boy, but that was a lie.”

“(Y/n),” he begged, and abruptly you pulled your fingers out of him. You reached for the lube, unable to draw this out any longer. You hadn’t had him under you like this in so long.

“You don’t deserve this,” you said, squirting some of the clear substance into your palm and stroking it along your plastic member. You rubbed the rest around his entrance, which you could tell was already sore from the way he winced against your touch. “But I’m going to give it to you, only because you’re so fucking desperate for it.”

He panted as you rubbed the tip of the cock against his entrance, eliciting some sort of garbled noise from the back of his throat. He held up his hips for you, and you eased the member inside of him, going slowly to start out. You held onto his side firmly with one hand, the other traveling between the valleys of muscle and bone on either side of his spine. It took everything inside of you not to start fucking him senseless, but god, he looked fucking irresistible right now, face down and ass up all for you.

Pushing your hips down with moderate force, he let out a strangled scream as you slid deep inside him all at once, the lube having made the penetration far easier. His body twitched when the head of the cock brushed against his innermost spot, his knuckles turning white as they tightened and twisted around the sheets. You placed your other hand on his opposite side, grunting slightly as you pushed inside him, watching his ass clench greedily around the member. 

“H-harder,” he choked out, and you steadied your hips to a halt. You contemplated for a moment before landing your palm against his ass cheek, hard. 

“Quiet, unless I tell you otherwise,” you said, jerking your hips back a few inches and thrusting back inside him. He collapsed against the bed, no longer able to support his hips in the air, his body shaking pitifully. 

“Fuck,” he said, and you slapped him again, his skin hot and soft against your hand. His mind clearly wasn’t fully present at the moment, though, because seconds later, he followed up with another “harder”. 

“What did I just tell you?” you hissed, not expecting a reply; he was too far gone at this point to be obedient. You pulled him back against the cock roughly with each forward thrust, his body practically writhing as you fucked him. You could probably cum from the sight of Michael alone; it aroused you beyond belief to fuck him into a sobbing mess all while he begged for more.

“You take my cock so well,” you murmured for the second time that evening, and it was true; he hadn’t been fucked like this in so long, and yet he took it so graciously despite the discomfort he was likely experiencing. He bucked his ass backwards to meet your thrusts, and you couldn’t find it in you to scold him. 

Your thrusts weren’t too fast, but they were forceful, and with each push of your hips pressing him against the mattress, his whimpers grew louder and louder. Getting a good hold on him with one hand, you reached your other one to hold onto his curls, grunting as you increased your speed.

“P-please,” he breathed, and from the bit of his face you could see, it was apparent that his skin was streaked with dried tears. You smirked, entering him fully before grinding against his ass, making sure he felt every inch. He shivered, feeling the head of your strap-on push against his prostate, and you rocked yourself forward to apply further pressure. 

“Tell me how pathetic you are for lying to your friends,” you said, using his hair to lift him up further so you could hear him speak.

“I’m pathetic, s-so pathetic,” he cried, and you administered another hard, ruthless thrust into him. “God, harder.”

“I’m already fucking you hard, and you want more?” you said mockingly, complying to his requests and pounding into him so aggressively, you almost lost your balance. “You’re a greedy little boy, begging me to be fucked when you know you don’t deserve it.”

“It- it feels so- so- fuck.” You adjusted your position so your thrusts were angled downwards, a sure fire way of hitting the spot that would make him cum. You knew that after the way he’d behaved, he shouldn’t be allowed to, but it would be another level of cruel to leave him like this- you were nowhere near a saint, but some things were too much, even for you. 

“Who do you belong to?” you demanded, releasing his hair and letting him drop face-first into the pillow with a soft thud. He sniffled, turning his head to the side, squirming below you restlessly.

“Y-you, (y/n), I b-belong to- fuck,” he stuttered, and you began to fuck him sloppily, focusing on getting him to his climax, a bead of sweat traveling down your forehead as your heart raced from your vigorous movements. At this point, he was probably in some degree of pain as you pushed inside his tight hole, but you knew he craved it. His body was near limp below you, worn out from being used, and he could hardly manage to let out more than a few soft, shaky moans.

Your chest pressed against his back, which was glistening from the sweat coating every inch of his skin. You didn’t care; you loved it, loved how weak you made him. Jutting yourself down further, you felt him contract and shake; you bounced your hips slightly, keeping the cock in the same spot, knowing that this would cause him to unravel, melt into a puddle beneath you. 

He gasped, and that was it- you wished you could see his face as he came, witness his heavy-lidded blue eyes flutter shut as his perfect lips parted in ecstasy. But this was enough. Listening to his little sighs, too fatigued for anything stronger. 

He tensed, and then he shook almost violently, and then he was almost motionless, save for his heaving back. You kissed his shoulder, pulling the strap-on out of him slowly, so as not to hurt him. Gently you rolled him onto his back, running your fingers over his cheeks and wiping away the tears. He looked up at you with a dazed expression, opening his mouth as if he wanted to speak, but no words came out.

“I love you, Michael,” you told him truthfully, stroking his moist, disheveled hair. “But don’t pull that stupid shit again.” 

He tilted his head upwards, just barely enough to show you that he was nodding in agreement, tongue darting out to wet his dry lips. You pulled yourself off the bed, removing the strap-on from under your skirt as you began to undress and change into your pajamas. You considered lying down next to him and making yourself cum, but you were exhausted from the session and knew Michael repay you later on anyways.

Pulling on your sweatpants, you heard Michael roll onto his side. “(Y/n)?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.” 

It was genuine, whole-hearted. 

You smiled.

#michael langdon #michael langdon smut #michael langdon imagine #michael langdon one shot #michael langdon x reader #american horror story #apocalypse #ahs apocalypse #ahs imagines #ahs smut #ahs one shot #cody fern #mine

[waitingforminjae]

TaeminLive anon, p1: I can't help but feel like my words in my two last asks were kinda harsh towards TM, but it was so difficult to write without it getting too long. I think you're right that this is really hard to discuss when we don't have the full picture and don't know TM personally. I think the overall point I was trying to make in the last ask, was that I have a really hard time differentiating between TM's own actions and SM's orders. Did he himself think "Im going to do a live everyday

pt. 2-3: from now on so that my fans stop being mad that I'm going to Japan on tour" or did SM tell him to? It could be that, aside from giving some distraction from his own thoughts, Instalives also give him a false sense of control? But I do think there's some truth to your theory that TM does insta this much in order to fill in Key's spot. I just don't know whose idea it was, Taemin's or SM's. I guess my theory is that Taemin is being burdened with carrying SHINee's name on his own and that the pressure forces him to act sweet and rational 24/7 in order to always keep abusive Shawols happy, and I'm afraid that he's unable to set the boundaries he needs in order to stay happy and healthy. Sigh. :(

I don’t think you sounded harsh! I just don’t want people to think I’M coming from a mean place when I say certain things, is all!

I think it’s always hard to tell what’s the company and what’s the group’s idea in kpop, but I think it’s especially hard with SHINee bc their entire brand is built around their honesty. Taemin is incredibly good at “faking” sincerity, and so it’s hard to know when he’s “faking” and not. That’s not a bad thing. In fact, it’s what makes him (and SHINee) seem ~elevated~ above other groups--they always seem sincere. It’s an incredible gift.

But I don’t know whose idea the instalives were. I tend to believe that SM doesn’t so much give their artists incredibly detailed instructions or role sheets or scripts, but instead relies on their common sense and training to get through PR/Promo things, just like I think that they don’t force the relationships between their artists, but rather capitalize on the ones that exist naturally (i.e. Taemin and Kai being best friends). So, I think it’s possible that SM might have said, “Hey, use this to interact “personally” with your fans”. Obviously it’s going to be monitored, and I bet on that particular day they asked him to go live to appease the Korean fans. Taemin has also been doing this forever now. He can survive without to much control. They trust him. So even though he probably has to clear it with his managers first, they’re likely his idea. But maybe not. It’s impossible to know, unfortunately.

“Could it be that...Instalives give him a false sense of control?” I really hadn’t thought of that before!!! I’m still thinking through this idea in relation to Taemin specifically, but I think in general that is an extremely valid take on why people do lives!! Social media is all about your control over your own self and image, after all.

Taemin isn’t someone I had thought of as having control issues. The question I would ask is, if the lives are rooted in control, then what, exactly, is he trying to control? I’m not sure. I honestly can’t quite see it, but I do know that when I read that sentence my instincts went “YES!!!!!” Which means that I think you might be on to something, but I can’t quite get the pieces together in my head yet. But I do think it would be hard to have a controlling personality and be a kpop idol without straight up having a breakdown, because you can’t really be in control. But at the same time, going live could give you a sense of control bc there’s nothing the company can do in a live moment. So, I don’t know.

(An aside, but I think out of everyone in SHINee, Jonghyun and Key are most likely to have like, legitimate control issues. But that could just be because they seem to have very particular personalities.)

(I have to preface this next bit by saying that, basically, in my opinion there is no such thing as “ethical consumption” of media, and also that I straight up despise both Hollywood and the Korean Entertainment system. So I am biased on this, just like everything else I say!)

In my opinion, kpop itself is built around relationships with boundaries that are fundamentally unhealthy. As long as Taemin is a kpop artist, he is practically incapable of establishing truly healthy boundaries. And, honestly, the extreme cynic in me wants to argue that he’s incapable of it bc he’s been groomed by SM from such a young age. But I try not to let that part of me win ever, so. I’m going to chose to not believe that.

The thing abt Taemin’s instalives, that I literally was just able to put words to now, is that they kind of remind me of how my roommate interacts with her parents. We’re both going to college 12 hours away from home, so we’re really only home for the major holidays. But her parent’s call her randomly all the time, have some ten-minute random casual conversation, and then hang up. Taemin’s lives have a similar energy. It’s like a friend face-timing you. But he is not our friend. I saw somewhere on Twitter yesterday where someone said, like, “kpop is centered around the idol as the product, more so than the music they make”. I think that’s true. A really brutal reading of Taemin’s lives would be that they’re really just another way of him and his team marketing him.

(As another aside, SHINee’s awareness of themselves as a product is extremely fascinating, and one of my favorite things about them. Key, especially. But that’s another conversation lol)

But mostly I think it does boil down to Taemin having to adjust the way he interacts with fans bc he is the only active member rn. There’s no one else to save him from any holes he might dig himself into, or to take up the space. And I think that’s really what it’s all about.

#taemin anon #i hope this makes sense I really just ramble when answering these lol #and fill free to send as many asks as u want no matter how long!! #opinions/thoughts aren't always easy to express shortly!! #the asks and the answers #taemin #lee taemin #p: taemin #*feel not fill #my southern accent jumped out in my writing there lol

[kindar-life]

<h1>The problem with Crossing the Border (09-01-19)</h1>

The problem with Crossing the Border (09-01-19)

Or an alternate title: I have ADHD, Big Surprise Out of curiosity, anyone has border crossing stories? They don’t have to be horror stories; they can be good. I’m mainly curious how it’s been for other people. So this week could have gone great, and for one the problem wasn’t on my company’s side. We did everything right, it’s the shipper and the border who dropped the ball. So, did the delivery on Monday and as my manager is on vacation, St-Germain was the one handling it, and before they were done unloaded, I had my next assignment. a pickup, 5 hours away, for Wednesday morning. If my manager had been handling it, I wouldn’t have found out until later on Tuesday, forcing me to rush there, his justifications would be that he was looking for something better in the meantime, which is BS, since that shipper is about the only one we have in all of BC anymore. I only drove an hour, I mean, what’s the point. I’m on eastern time, so 3 hours ahead of them, and going to be a day early. Also, Hwy 3 from Hope to Grand Forks, is horrible and there is no way I want to do it in the dark. It was still dark by the time I left on Tuesday, but was light before I hit the really tight curves going up and down hills. It’s the summer, so it wasn’t as bad as it could be, and I was empty, but I’ve done them in the winter. I never look forward to driving on that road. Made it mid-morning for them, checked in, pointing out I was a day early and they said to drop it, their shunt driver would put it in a door within minutes and within a couple of hours it would be done. Which was great news for me. If I could get in the US a day early, I’d be able to take a two-day weekend. Remember that ‘IF’. The trailer is ready in three hours, but it takes another hour for me to find out because I was looking at the wrong drop lot. I decided to go in and get an update and, on the way, I saw it in the opposite drop lot. Got my papers, confirmed I was good to cross the border and headed to the Laurier crossing. I like it because it isn’t busy and the road on the US side is nice, even if it’s a 2-lane highway. No big hills, few tight curves and only a handful of towns. There is Spokane when it reaches I90, but I found a way around it. It’s a little longer, than driving through Spokane, but a lot easier. Get to the border, go inside. It’s so quiet they don’t have truck booths. I hand in the papers, the officer looked in his is system and asks. “Where’s your permit?” “I’m sorry,” I reply, “What permit?” “your permit to cross here.” Here is the thing. We’ve been crossing at this border for eight months. And we’ve never been asked for a permit. It turns out that no officer should have ever allowed us to cross there, but they weren’t doing their jobs properly. The reason we don’t have a permit is that the shipper never added us to the list of approved Carrier to cross there with their product. I did not know there was such a situation possible. So I turned around, stopped in an aside in the hopes it was an easy fix and called the shipper. Only to find out the person who deals with the border had already left for the day (it was 4pm locally, in the mood I was in, I wasn’t thinking good thing about a person who didn’t have to work until 5pm like all office workers.) I called dispatch to advise them. Drove back to the shipper to park for the night, they are only 10 minutes from the border, another reason I like crossing there. Next morning, 9am their time, noon mine, I go in and find out there’s nothing to be done about it, they can only add a carrier to their list once a year, in December. The closest crossing that is a ‘Commercial Crossing,” is in Ossoyoos, two hours west, over all those horrible hills and turns. Tell dispatch about it, get told it can’t be, we cross at Laurier all the time. I tell them, yes, but we can’t anymore, check with the shipper if you believe your driver is so determined to drive over horrible hills. By the time I bet close to Ossoyoos, I still don’t have my papers so I park at the truckstop there. Only have to wait an hour and I do. I have to drive later than I prefer but I make it to Post Falls, ID, where I like to park anytime I have to cross at that border. My 2-day weekend is gone, but I can take it easy, there’s plenty of time to get to Laredo. Or not. Friday morning my manager, the one who is on vacation, calls me to ask when I’m going to be there. I tell him something on Tuesday. I’m not concerned since it doesn’t need to be there until Friday. He starts asking why so late, it need to be there ASAP. I tell him I need to do a reset (not true, technically, but don’t tell him that) I tell him that the best I can do is be there Monday late afternoon, and he asks why? I have plenty of hours and it’s a holiday on Monday so I need to get there earlier so I can get a load. And here I need to pause. The earliest I could be there, pushing as hard as I legally can would be Sunday, and the office there is closed. If it’s closed on Monday too, what does it matter if I’m there on Monday? If there is a load there for me to pickup on Sunday, it’s still going to be there on Monday. I still don’t budge on my reset. I have stopped caring about them changing delivery times after I’ve done my pickup a long time ago. If I’m given inaccurate information, it is not my problem. He grumbles and tells me to be there Monday without fault, as if I told him I might not make it. So I had to drive a little harder but I got her on Saturday, and rested. One of the things I did while I waited for all that was get more writing done, so you get five chapters of Taking the Line, Chapters 44 to 48. If there is the usual wait time in Laredo, the last five chapters should be done next week. Chapter 16 of Blind Spot is written, and I finished book 5 of LRK’s origin story. 13 chapters. The longest one to date, I hope the longest period. So I’ve started the newest Going Home, which will explore McKannon, the industrial sector of Tiranis, as well as Eric finally making contact with one of his relatives. if you want to read all that, it's only 1$ on my Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/29632610 Another thing I did is take an ADHD test. There’s a warning about how it isn’t a medical tool, but if you score about a certain point, you really should talk to a doctor because, really, you have ADHD. And I do. I didn’t go in hoping I had it, but I strongly suspected I was somewhere on that spectrum. On the lower end, but on it none the less. There someone called ADHD Alien on Tumblr, and they post comics about how ADHD affects their daily lives and quite a few of them resonated with me, but one of the reason I never looked at the condition was that I was successful in school and the stereotype of someone with ADHD as that they aren’t good at school. Things is plenty of people with ADHD are good in school because it’s fun, there’s a lot of new things to learn and we soak up that knowledge easily, so easily most of us never have to bother studying, so we never learn how to study, and then when we hit college, of in my case the last two years of secondary school(I was in Quebec, they have their own system there) things start going badly. I was able to finish Secondary, but College was a bust. I just couldn’t figure out how to study and the concept I now had to deal with were so complex I couldn’t simply absorb them. I mean, I’m bright, but not that bright. So I dropped out, hit the work force and never regretted it. I was also lucky that my parents didn’t have expectations of me going to university and becoming a BIG SHOT™. They were surprised when I dropped out, but it was my life and they let me live it as I wanted. I love them for that. I love them for letting me screw up, then offering to help me up with a “See, that didn’t work, you might want to try something else, I can offer suggestions if you want but that’s up to you.” My mom picked up quicker than my dad that the suggestions that worked best were the kick in the ass kind of things and to then let me assimilate them and proceed. My mom told me months before I did it that I should write in the morning, that’s always been when I was at my best and I snorted, yeah right, mornings, who’s functional then? Eventually I ran out of things to try and did that. When I told my mom that she was right about it she smiled and said “I know.” But yeah, back on the ADHD thing. Learning that it was possible to succeed in school because you had ADHD and then fail for the same reason realigned my thinking. And add to that, that for the few things I can focus laser like on, like my writing, there are tons of them I am incapable of staying focus on. No matter how badly I want to learn them. So, yeah, I have ADHD. Will I seek treatment? No. for me to consider treating any condition I have, it has to either affect my ability to earn a living, or my health(and to be fair, when it comes to my health the potential down side have to be bad for me to even think about talking to a doctor about it) I can do my job without problem; I can do my writing without problems. The rest? Frankly, nothing else matter to a level I am willing to put those two at risk. I don’t Suffer from ADHD, I simply have it. I built my coping mechanism even without knowing I had something. Being Scatter brain? I either write it down, or accept that I will forget about it, and if I forget about it I accept the consequences. I don’t make myself a mess over forgetting it. I fix the problem it caused and move on. I do know now why Minecraft is such a trap for me now. It pulls at my focus by giving me things to do, always more things to do until I reached the point where I’m near panic because I can’t do all of them and I push it away. Until I’ve calmed down. But Minecraft commits the Sin of interfering with my writing by taking over that mental space. It’s why I no longer play it. It’s also why the craving is always there, but me and cravings are old friends. I have no issues staring him down. Okay, this is way longer than I expected so I’m going to pass on the movie and book review this week. You' all have fun, and come on, talk to me. Ask me questions, share your stories, it gets lonely talking to the void<chuckles> And that’s it, so I’ll see you on the next one.

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[deliverydefresas]

masters of the scene

we’re somewhat on a schedule here, talk about progressss!!!! I’m also the shookest bc i had to split this part in two. that hadn’t happened since i was like, twelve. shookestest. Hopefully part 2 of this one will be up this week, so fingers crossed for that. 

(also, this being split also means that instead of our usual l/m/l pov, this is half luna, half matteo. same with the other one, sorry)

shout out to my baked goods for helping me and being proud aunts of this au even when it’s a mess most of the timeeeeee, ily 

in case you’ve missed any part:  1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

AU: Matteo Balsano is a famous singer who has been crushing on this one girl he saw every day behind a window many years ago, back when he first started recording his debut album and inspired his first big hit, “Princesa”. Luna Valente, professional Olympic skater turned actress is at a local (and very popular) talk show to promote her breakout movie. This is where it all starts.

ARE SOLTTEO GOING PUBLIC?

According to our sources, the answer is a big, bold, YES.

Your – and ours too! – favorite couple has reunited with their management to discuss ‘how to break it to the public’ according to our sources. Benson and Balsano, who have been linked by fans and media for a little over three months now, are finally ready to take a big step on their relationship and shout their love to the world!

“[Sol] thinks it’s time for them to tell everyone. She’s in love, and is tired of hiding it from her family, friends and especially of her fans.” But what about Matteo? “[He] has his doubts and is adamant of how the public will react to their relationship. He doesn’t want anyone attacking him or her for it.”

Earlier in the week, news of Benson’s retirement from professional skating broke and the fans were very vocal on their displeasure of Balsano’s – rumored- involvement, as well as the lack of public response in support for his girl. So, was this topic touched at all?

“Absolutely. [Matteo] cares about how his fans see him, and while he knows none of them would believe he was at fault, he still wants to clear the air and let them know the truth.” And what’s the truth exactly? “He never asked for [Sol] to quit. But he likes her and wanted to spend more time with her before their obligations forced them to be apart, so he suggested a break. Ultimately, it was Sol who chose she was done with the sport.” Talk about true love!

Either way, we’re all excited to see what’s next on this couple’s agenda, and can’t wait for them to blind us with their cuteness!

For more Soltteo, click here!

“Well? Is everyone suddenly deaf? Do I have to ask again?” Matteo’s lawyer – and best friend, if his snaps were any indication- tried to lighten the mood with a joke, grinning towards them. His eyes flickering to Nina’s the most.

“Not much.” Matteo answered, his gaze still on her. Luna huffed silently at him, making him grimace. Luna had the urge to stick her tongue out to him, but she had to remind herself she was an adult. Or trying to be one, anyway.

“So, no deal has been made? Has any party thrown any ideas?” Gastón questioned them.

Delfi nodded. “Actually, Miss Benson gave a very nice one before you came in.” Luna blinked a couple times. To be honest, her brain hadn’t even registered half the words that had came out of her mouth, her anger usually blinded – and deafened, too, apparently- her memory.

“I did?”

Thankfully, Delfi smiled before explaining, “yes, you did. A televised interview is brilliant; you don’t have any exclusivity with printed media, and Matteo’s can’t be compromised since it’ll be live on TV.” The older girl turned to her – soon to be ex-  manager, “I’d advice to choose Jazmín. Not only because of the ratings and demographics, but also because she’s close to us and would agree to not touch certain topics, as well as to open a spot on her show faster than any other person. The fact that Sol is somewhat familiarized with her doesn’t hurt, too.”

Tamara vaguely nodded at Delfi, but was quick to turn to her, silently asking her if that was what she wanted. Luna knew she’d suggested and all, but that had been in a moment of anger. Angry at Mariano for attacking Matteo, and angry at Matteo for being quick to judge, as well as resented he had ignored her for two weeks, to now try and act like nothing had happened. Truthfully, she didn’t think it was a good idea.

“I’m not sure, Delfi. You’ve said so yourself, I’m not properly ‘trained’ and if I end up saying something that could make everything worse I-”

Gastón frowned, interrupting her babbling. “But I thought this was your idea? Why would you suggest it if you’re not sure you can pull it off?” His words hadn’t any malice in them, yet, she still felt a twinge of offense, and Luna didn’t know how to answer him.

Her best friend did, though. “Sometimes our mouths are quicker than our brains.” Nina’s eyes went between Matteo and her, making Gastón grin, and nod in understand. She was full offended now, reaching out to her friend to pinch her arm in protest. Nina whelped silently, mouthing ‘sorry’ to her; her eyes, though, showed her amusement.  

Delfi called for their attention, “we can train you, if you want.” She offered.

“I don’t think-” Mariano wanted to protest. Luna wanted none of it.

“Don’t you dare. Delfi’s been nothing but professional here, actually trying to help, don’t you dare minimize her work or insinuate she’s not capable of doing it.” Mariano pursed his lips, turning to Tamara in help. Tamara’s glare and shake of her head was all he got. When she was sure he’d given up, Luna acknowledged Delfi. “I’m not sure this is a good idea, sorry. If I’m being honest, Jazmín scares me; going to her show, alone, is terrifying.”

Delfi pondered her words for a moment, not really looking at her, or at anyone or anything in specific. She just stayed quiet, looking at nothing and biting her lip.

No one said anything for a couple of minutes, and Luna wasn’t sure if they were waiting for Delfi, or if they, themselves, were thinking her words over. Either way the silence was awkward for her, and silently prayed for someone else to break it.

Tamara did.

“If you excuse me, I think I’ll go ask where our drinks are at.” She put her gaze on her. “Care to go with me, Sol?” She couldn’t nod fast enough. Luna wasn’t too naïve, she knew Tamara wanted to speak to her, alone, but the silence was driving her mad and would take whatever excuse.

She felt Matteo’s eyes follow her out of the room.

Luna let out a big sigh as soon as the door closed. Tamara was a few steps ahead, waiting for her. “So, what do you want to tell me?”

“I wanted to apologize. It seems that I underestimated your relationship with Balsano, and going in there, asking you to ignore him was a bad idea, I’m sorry.” Tamara’s words were full of sincerity. However, they only confused her.

“What do you mean?”

The woman showed surprise. “You didn’t notice?”

“Would I be asking you if I had?”

Tamara smiled. “I suppose not, no. What I’m saying is, he seems to like you, and you ignoring him, God forbid, set him off. He kept looking at you, waiting for you to notice him, and when you didn’t, it got to the point of annoying him, making him lash out at Mariano and I.”  

“But Mariano was provoking him, Matteo – well, I would be annoyed too if someone did the same to me.” Luna pointed out, crossing her arms as she walked.

“Perhaps.” Tamara agreed, her smile intact, “I do want you to know, though, that this is Matteo Balsano we’re talking about. Do you think he’s not used to being provoked in interviews? By the fans or the paps? He knows better than to give in their games.” Luna fell a few steps behind. Tamara stopped walking altogether, waiting for her to speak again.

“Be honest, Tamara, what are you trying to get at?”

“I think you know what I’m trying to say, munchkin. I could be wrong in what way exactly, but he cares about you.” Tamara sighed. “Either way, I was wrong when I advised you to ignore him. It’s obvious he took it personal and now both him and Delfi are upset.”

“I am upset with him, anyway. I wouldn’t have been completely cordial when I saw him, even if you hadn’t told me anything.”

“I don’t know the boy, but I think he’d rather have you mad at him than evasive.” Luna was over with having everyone else getting amusement out of her and Matteo, so she turned the conversation back to professional.

“Do you think I should do that interview?”

Her manager composed herself, her expression turning serious. “Honestly? Yes. Not for Balsano’s reputation, but to give your fans a peace of mind. We warned you a written statement could come off as careless, no matter how much you made it sound as grateful and loving as you feel. Most of them feel betrayed, confused, and back-stabbed. I know you feel like you can’t handle it, but you’re the bravest person I know, Luna, and you could beat Jazmín at her own gossip game if you wanted to. And, even if you don’t, Delfi is right; they have connections with her, they can blacklist any topic or question you don’t feel comfortable talking about. I would accept her offer of more training, too.”

Luna tried to sigh her nervousness away. She failed. “Can I think about it some more? I don’t want to rush it.”

Tamara smiled comfortingly, nodding once. “Of course, I wouldn’t expect anything else from you. It means I successfully taught you something.”

She frowned, feeling bad Delfi’s dab had affected her. “You did an amazing job as my manager, Tamara. I’m sorry I didn’t defend you back there, because honestly, you did more than good. You gave me choices, gave me a voice when it mattered, just like now. I’m thankful I had you with me.”

The woman sighed happily, giving her a hug. “Sweetest girl, that you are. I’m glad I could help you the years I did, you’re truly a brilliant, humble, talented young lady and to work with you has been my honor, munchkin.” She sighed again as she dropped her arms around her and started walking again. Her next words make her cackle. “Now, let’s go look for our drinks. I have a feeling I might need a bit of rum with mine.”

Matteo could only watch as the door closed, ignoring the urge of following right behind and beg Luna for a chance to talk. He’d obviously been blind to ignore she would get mad at him for blowing her off for weeks. Either he was losing his touch with women, or it went powerless when it came to her. Whatever it was, he was now in trouble with her and completely oblivious as to how to fix it.

“Dumb and dumber, come here.” Delfi called for Gastón and him, using her favorite nicknames for both. At this point it’d lost any malice behind them (there hadn’t been any to begin with, really), and he was used to it, so he followed suit when she signaled for them to huddle up in a circle. Gastón looked unsure of doing so, glancing quickly in Nina’s direction. He so was going to give him crap for it once they were done here.

“What’s the plan?” He wondered, eager to hear what Delfi had decided to do. 9 out 10 times, it turned out to be a good idea. The 10th time was usually him changing the plan.

“We have to convince her to agree to the interview. It’s the best counterattack, and if it’s with Jazmín we can make it foolproof, keeping it safe and predictable. We can even think and write her answers beforehand,” she looked at him, “it’s honestly the best way for her, Matteo.”

Matteo pursed his lips. “I trust you, Delfi, but I don’t want to force her to do something she’s not comfortable with. She’s mad enough at me as it is, pressuring her could make it worse.”

“We also can’t be one hundred percent sure Jazmín will agree to stick to a script. Remember last time? She went for the kill with Luna. She knew it would get her and Matteo in trouble, yet she still chose to do it.” Gastón reminded her, siding with him. It was in moments like this when Matteo was grateful he was his best friend.

Delfi cringed. “Well…”

Matteo knew that look. Delfi knew more than she was letting them see. “What?” he urged her to explain. Did she know about it beforehand? Why hadn’t she stopped it if she did?

“I couldn’t stop Ámbar, really! She went behind my back and coerced Jazmín to hint it and warned me literally seconds before she went live. You know I would’ve stopped it if I knew with time.”

“Blondie started this mess?” Gastón was incredulous. Matteo, however, was seeing red. It finally clicked on him that she’d purposefully had set Luna up back then. He’d recognized her smirk in the interview, and he’d completely forgotten to ask her about it further once it was over. He’d tried to play it off as her being her smug self when it was about being in public – he’d seen it enough when they dated not to- but now it made sense. And he could bet it was all about him eating those stupid cupcakes.

Delfi looked at him, worry in her eyes. “Matteo, don’t. Focus on what’s important right now, not in the past. Ámbar cut off Jazmín when it got out of hand, remember? She helped your girl once it was obvious she couldn’t save herself. Calm down.”

“She shouldn’t have started it in the first place! I thought she was Luna’s friend, and yet, you’re telling me she threw her to tigers? Exposed her to the tabloids knowing damn well she wasn’t ready for it? And for what? Because I ate her stupid dollar cupcakes?” he hissed, pulling his hair in frustration.  

Delfi’s glare was pure ice, now. “I’m not going to fight with you about this, as it is between Ámbar and you. You want to complain about it? Do it with her, bitch your mouth off, if you want to. However, right now, we’re discussing how to protect your precious star from more attacks since you have decided you want to keep her in your life; because – surprise! - if she stays, then so will the news about her. So, focus, you idiot.”

Matteo was still seething, grinding his teeth together. Gastón palmed his back softly. “Dude, she’s right. I’ll help you hide Ámbar’s body later – and Jazmín’s, too, if you want- but now it’s not the time to get mad. Think of Luna, she needs our help more than she needs you to defend her honor with Ámbar.”

Finally, he relented. “Fine. I’ll deal with Ámbar later. How do I convince Luna to accept, though? She won’t even look at me right now.”

“That’s easy.” Delfi said, discreetly pointing to where Nina was sitting. “We talk to her, and she talks to your love. I’ll get Pedro to talk to Simón, so he does too. They’re her best friends and will convince her to jump off a cliff is that’s what they want.” Matteo frowned, Delfi rolled her eyes. “They’d never do that, oh my God.”

“Whatever. How do we convince Nina to convince Luna, then?” He looked at his best friend, silently asking him if he knew. Gastón merely shrugged.

“Do I have to do everything for you two idiots?” Delfina huffed, before raising her voice. “Nina, can you come, please?” she called, making the girl look up from where she was sitting, looking at her phone. She was with them in less than a minute.

“Hi.” She said shyly, blushing when Gastón threw a grin in her direction. Delfi turned to him and pretended to gag. Matteo was half mad still but teased his friend with a wink.  

“I’m going to go straight to the point – you need to convince Luna to do that interview.”

Nina blinked once. Twice. “Okay.”

Matteo was skeptical. She just couldn’t have agreed that easily, he must’ve heard her wrong. “Really?”

“I’m not stupid, I know that’s the safest bet for my friend.” Nina frowned at him, “I can’t say it’ll be easy, though, she seems to be very scared after her last one with Jazmín. Maybe-” her frown deepened, stopping her thoughts from escaping her mouth.

“Maybe?” The three of them prompted.  

“Maybe if she weren’t alone… If she had someone else to stop her from rambling, like Ámbar-”

Matteo objected. “Absolutely not. Ámbar can’t go with her, just no.” He shook his head multiple times, rejecting the idea.

“I wasn’t saying it has to be Ámbar. Simón, Tamara, or Delfi-” Nina threw him a quick look. “- even you could. Luna just needs someone to calm her rambles and assure her they won’t let her talk more than necessary. That’s all.”

Delfi’s eyes shone. “That’s brilliant! If Matteo goes too, and both make it clear they’re just friends and he had no input in her decision, everyone will have to believe they’re just friends, and we won’t have to give exclusives with ‘our side’ of the story, either. You’re a genius, Simonetti.”

“Um, aren’t you guys forgetting something?” Gastón interjected, “Luna couldn’t be madder with Matteo if she tried. How is she gonna agree not only to the interview, but to an interview with him?”

Matteo’s mood went down once again at the reminder. What he didn’t expect, though, was for Nina to punch him on his arm. “Ouch! What was that for?”

Nina huffed. “For making my best friend mad, of course. Do you know how hard that is to achieve? She’s all sunshine and rainbows most of the time!”

“You can punch him more later, Nina,” Delfi told her. Matteo glared at his manager, who simply waved him off, “but please tell us, how can this idiot fix it?”

Nina thought about it for a moment. “Well, apologizing, for starters.” Done. He’d beg if he needed to. “And being completely honest. No bullcrap like ‘I forgot to call you back’ or ‘my battery died’, Luna hates when people lie to her, and will hate to hear dumb excuses more. Even if it’s a hurtful truth, like not wanting to talk to her, she’ll prefer that to a lie.” Then she turned to him, her brown eyes sharp. “Why did you ignore her these weeks? Is it because you didn’t want to answer her question?”

“I panicked.” He admitted, ashamed of his cowardliness. “I wasn’t – still am not- ready to admit my reasons.”

“Why?” she wondered, curiosity getting the best of her.

“Because she will see him as the creep he is.” Gastón snorted. Matteo flipped him off.

Nina’s eyes shone with mischief. “So, it is true. You’ve known her longer than that night at JaJazmin.”

“Something like that.” He wasn’t going to spill everything to Nina, not before he told her best friend first; the only person he owed an explanation to was Luna, no one else.

The girl just stared at him for a couple of seconds, before nodding and changing the subject.

“Luna is more likely to forgive with a full stomach. After this meeting she has one with Yam, and after that we’re going out for lunch. I guess, if we casually bumped into each other at Yelao’s…”

Matteo felt hope expanding through his body. He might not owe an explanation to Nina, but he now owed her a big, great favor.

“We’ll be there.” Gastón confirmed for both, knowing well Matteo had no objections to that plan.

“I feel like I have to warn you, though,” Nina spoke to him, “since you were so against Ámbar accompanying Luna to the interview. She’s going to be there, as well as Simón.” Matteo pursed his lips, but he could acknowledge this was probably his only chance. Only the skies knew when Luna would talk to him again if he didn’t apologize soon.

“I’ll manage. I promise.” He had to. Just then, the door opened once again, revealing Luna, Tamara, and one of the receptionists, each carrying a small platter with drinks.

Delfi waited until all drinks where on the table, and the receptionist was gone, to star talking again.

“So, have you given any thoughts on the interview, yet?” She must’ve taken Luna by surprise, because she almost choked on her hot cocoa. He raised his arm on instinct to palm her back, but 1) she was very far away, and 2) he was sure she’d probably rather choke and die than having him help her; so, he put his arm down as fast as he could.

Tamara answered for her. “Could you give her a couple of days? She wishes to think it over before making any decision.” His manager frowned for a bit, ultimately nodding and glancing quickly to him. He understood the look; Matteo had those days to make it right between the two and convince her.

“Of course, of course. But please try not to take too much time, it’s only going to get harder for you both the longer you wait.” Luna gave Delfi a thumb up, not quite done with her coughing. Matteo had to bite his tongue to stop himself from asking if she was okay. Thankfully, Gastón approached her with a glass of water.

“Thank you.” She coughed a couple more times, before drinking the whole glass, sending Gastón a small smile. “Are we done with this yes? I kind of have an appointment with Yam, she’s making my dress for the wedding.”

Now it was Matteo’s turn to choke on his lungo. “Wedding?” Delfi palmed his back a couple of times.

“Yam’s getting married and we’re her bridesmaids. She’s insisting on making our dresses herself, since Mora is making hers; we have our first fitting today.” Nina explained to him. He could bet she was having fun at his reaction, if her smile was any indication.  

“Nina.” Luna called for her friend, shaking her head slightly. Then she turned to him, and Matteo was relieved she didn’t look mad. Just a bit serious. “So, are we done? Or do you have something else to discuss with us?” He wanted so bad to tell her no. That they weren’t anywhere near done, that they hadn’t even started yet. But he wouldn’t be talking about the meeting.

“Since you have stuff to think over, I’d say we’re done. For now, that is.” Delfi answered her, “if you choose to it, then I’ll schedule another meeting and we’ll go into more detail about what kind of deal we can make with each other.”

“We’ll get in touch in a couple of days.” Tamara agreed, moving to gather her things from a chair, urging the lawyer to finish his drink, before saying her farewells. When it was his turn for her goodbye, she was serious as she took his hand, and whispered. “Can I trust her with you? Will you take care of her, the way she deserves?”

He didn’t even think about it before answering. “Yes.”

The older woman stared for a moment, her eyes searching for something. Whatever she found, or didn’t find, was enough for her. “Good.”

The lawyer only gave him a brief nod to everyone before following Tamara out. Once they left, Luna and Nina started their goodbye’s too. Nina offered him a quiet ‘see you later’, which he responded with a grateful smirk. Luna hesitated for a second as she stood in front of him, biting her lip.

“I’m very sorry, Luna.” Her green eyes set on his, “if you have time I can explain, I-”

His girl sighed. “I have no time for this, Matteo.” He recoiled at her words, not expecting her to be so… sharp. She sighed again when she saw his reaction. “I literally have no time right now. We’re late to Yam’s already, but…”

“But?” He sounded hopeful, and he wasn’t ashamed to admit it.

“But if you have the guts to call me again, maybe we can talk about it some other time.”

He felt his grin appear on his face and couldn’t resist hugging her. “I will! I’m so, so very sorry, Luna I swear-”

“Yeah, yeah, but don’t you think you’re in the clear! I’m still angry at you, and I’m expecting the truth and nothing but the truth, okay?” she was being serious, he could tell. She broke the hug quickly, arching her brows to get the point across. He saluted her.

“Yes, ma’am. I promise.” His face was starting to hurt from grinning so much, so wide. Luna didn’t return the smile, yet, he could see her eyes softening a little when she looked at him.

He watched her – and Nina, but mostly her- leave, the weight on his heart dropping almost completely now that she had agreed to give him a chance to explain.

“I can’t believe she actually agreed to hear you out so quickly. I’m impressed.” Gastón broke the silence a couple of seconds after they left, whistling lowly and palming his shoulders.

“Same. I would’ve let you on the dog house for at least another week. Either she’s too good, or…” Delfi quietened down, thinking over her words.

“Or?”

“Nothing, actually. She’s too good, period. We need to toughen her up.” She sounded worried at this, pursing her lips. “Are you guys still ‘casually’ meeting them up for lunch?” Gastón and him looked at each other, then nodded. “Be careful. The place you’re going is lowkey enough for me to not advice you to take a guard but stay alert of your surroundings. It’s not only you, but her, and Simón and Ámbar. It can get wild in a minute.”

She was right, of course, she was always right. “We’ll be careful. Thank you for worrying, Del.” Then his brain caught up on the other subject. “Wait, since when does Ámbar and Simón are acquainted with each other?”

Delfi grimaced. “You don’t even want to know, believe me. Those two are a mess.”

Gastón gasped, laughing out loud. “You don’t mean… those two…?” he suggested, wiggling his brows.

“What? No!” She made a disgusted face. “The studio from Ámbar’s new musical wanted the RB to write a song for her to sing, but Simón’s having a hard time meeting Á’s taste. He’s apparently not ‘emo’ enough to write about her character.”

“’Emo’? Why does she need him to be ‘emo’?” His friend asked the same question that was on his mind.

“The song’s to be sung at her character’s lowest point, I think. It needs to be emo AF.”

“And Simón can’t be emo?”

Delfi raised her left brow. “Have you ever heard an emo song from the RB?”

“No.”

“Exactly.” She said in an obvious tone. “Okay, losers, I gotta go. Pedro and I are having lunch, and I’ll run our plan by to him, be careful and try not to make too much drama.” She looked pointedly at him at the last part.

“It’s not my fault drama finds its way into my life, okay?”

“Be serious! If I hear from someone else, you two went at each other’s throats in public…”

“Yeah, yeah, you’ll tell everyone I have a micropenis.”

Gastón choked on air, barely holding in his laughter. Somehow, even after hearing that threat at least three times a month, he still found it funny.  

“And they will believe me.” Delfi threw him one last warning look, before kissing his cheek, only giving Gastón a wave as goodbye as she left them alone.

#soy luna #matteo balsano #luna valente #lutteo #sl ff #lutteo ff #my sl ff #my lutteo ff #my sl au #queued bc uni #mine

[psionicsua]

Uncommon asks for Ko/kumo

oooh boy. here we go. this is only one of three but they are taking A While ;; long long post under the cut.

1. What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

Both of them are pretty good at this. Their minds are so busy, no matter how passive they’re being, they’re still somewhat at work. Ko would hate not being active in some capacity after a couple hours, though, his past makes him really hate stagnation. Kokumo could very easily do nothing for hours on end if left to his own devices, he would appreciate the time for introspection, but after like.. A day of nothing else, he would start to feel too guilty to not do Something.

2. How easy is it for your character to laugh?

Ko is very good at laughing as part of a persona, but when he’s not lying he’s not very emotive. I don’t think he would laugh at very much, unless he’s in a situation where he can tease someone like Rowan or Milo. Kokumo laughs a lot easier, and takes a lot of joy from fairly simple interactions, but he’s also pretty uncomfortable most of the time so he tries to stay more serene as a disguise for his negative emotions.

3. How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

Ko doesn’t like to sleep, and generally spaces out his required meditation during the night, forcing himself to shut down for an hour or two at a time. Kokumo welcomes the chance to meditate, and probably does so as soon as the action of the day has settled and he’s finished with his journal. He’s still up most of the night, though.

4. How easy is it to earn their trust?

Ko’s is almost impossible to gain, taking weeks of almost constant interaction. He only ever fully trusted in like, three people. Kokumo has an inverse of this - an implicit trust in the people close to him, and his belief that everyone has the opportunity to change themselves makes him more likely to offer his trust as a show of faith.

5. How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

Very easy for both of them. Ko mistrusts immediately, and any change in that can be quickly reverted if he’s presented with a reason for mistrust. Kokumo, while much more willing to trust, is not willing to put in the work for those who don’t want to change. If that is evident in their behavior, he doesn’t see the need to trust them.

6. Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

Ko has no regard for law whatsoever. Kokumo will play by them if he feels he has to, but he doesn’t really believe in them.

7. What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

Ko gets nostalgic for the Denten and his life with Hermione pretty easily, but he also shuts it down as quickly as possible. It hurts too much for him to enjoy his past. Kokumo.. has a very strained relationship with his past. Nostalgia specifically is actually beyond his capabilities.

8. What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child

Ko was kind of a perfect kid for the most part, although Hermione try to keep him from putting himself in potential danger.

9. Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

Not really. I mean, a little? Kokumo would probably swear more than Ko just by virtue of his stronger emotionality.

10. What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?

This is a hilarious question to me. Ko remembers all of his lies - the one he’s haunted by is the lie of the nightshade, even despite the resolution he found with Denise. I don’t think Kokumo has really lied yet.

11. How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

Ko absolutely pretends to understand while doing everything in his power to actually figure it out on his own. Kokumo admits to it easily, esp given his circumstances, and he generally tries to both reason it out and work with others to resolve the confusion.

13. How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?

They would both just ignore it.

14. What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

Ko feels best in blues, but it looks pretty monotone on him. Silvers and grays are definitely more striking on him, as well as a deep black. Kokumo prefers the brown layered clothing of his youth, which actually looks very well on him.

15. What animal do they fear most?

I don’t think either of them fear any animal.

16. How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

Ko’s speech is pretty measured and controlled, but he’s impulsive, which leads to him saying some wild shit. Kokumo speaks his mind, but his mind is a lot quieter than Ko’s, so he’s surprisingly a bit less talkative.

17. What makes their stomach turn?

For Ko, most other people and the mortal capacity for cruelty. For Kokumo, his own identity issues.

18. Are they easily embarrassed?

Not really, Ko can get flustered but just soldiers on, and Kokumo doesn’t really have anything to be embarrassed by.

19. What embarrasses them?

For Ko, since it’s only applicable to him - acknowledgment of his feelings or personal desires.

20. What is their favorite number?

I don’t think either has one.

21. If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

Oooh man. To be frank, I don’t have the energy to get into it, but Ko has detailed theories about the three that boil down to - romantic love incites change, desire, and faith; platonic love incites understanding, acceptance, and trust; and familial loves is the foundation and the synthesis of other loves, combined a need to protect and to care for. Kokumo would agree with Ko’s theories, but has little further understanding in the matter.

22. Why do they get up in the morning?

Ko wants to keep moving forward always. Kokumo wants to do what he has to do.

23. How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)?

Ko is pretty possessive, and if truly jealous, would become pretty clingy in order to get attention. Kokumo would go aloof and sulky in the hopes he’ll be sought out.

24. How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)?

Ko works to change his worldstate so that he has what he wants. Kokumo isn’t very envious, but I imagine he would try to self-actualize and understand the cause for his envy, then try to find fulfillment in the life he has.

25. Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom?

Nope on both accounts.

26. What are their thoughts on marriage?

Ko doesn’t like the idea of institutionalized romance. If people want each other, they will choose to be together, and if things change they should be free to leave. Kokumo sees the grounding aspect of marriage and likes the romantic notion of that stability.

27. What is their preferred mode of transportation?

I think they are both fond of traveling by carriage, bc it moves you along at a steady pace and you can sit on top or in the front in order to still be a part of the world. They also really love going walking quietly at night.

28. What causes them to feel dread?

Ko is a fairly calm person, but he also operates on plans, so when things go wrong he’ll start to feel unsettled. He’s incredibly perceptive, too, and when people around him begin to act counter to his expectations that can throw him off. Kokumo is probably similar in these situations but I’m not sure yet; he seems to be a bit more matter-of-fact when it comes to his surroundings.

29. Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth?

They would both prefer to hear the truth, and tell a lie.

30. Do they usually live up to their own ideals?

Ko had a lot of character development in this area! So like, for most of his life, not at all. He was very blind to himself and to the world around him. But his main goal for most of the campaign was to reconfigure his ideals and embody them - I would say he almost began living up to them. Kokumo doesn’t really have a solid view of his own ideals, so, he’s pretty adrift in this regard.

31. Who do they most regret meeting?

Ko really regrets meeting Aengus - the influence and the manipulation he suffered from that relationship had really long-lasting effects on him. Kokumo kind of regrets meeting Hoth, though he understands that he should be grateful for it.

32. Who are they the most glad to have met?

Ko is really grateful to have met Hermione and Jean, but his relationship with S deeply changed him and his life goals, and his love for them was the greatest hope he had for his future. Kokumo.. Is honestly glad to have met himself. He feels that Ko’s inability to self-examine was a horrible way to live his life, and now Kokumo thinks he can start life over in a healthier direction.

33, Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke?

Ko picked up a conversational game, a question for a question, very early on. And that just stuck. Kokumo doesn’t have a go-to, but he also doesn’t have a lot of reservations, so casual conversation is pretty easy for him.

34. Could they be considered lazy?

I really don’t think so.

35. How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt?

Pretty hard for both of them - Ko just didn’t experience it as easily or as often.

36. How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive?

I think both of them would be fairly impassive about it, unless they were genuinely very close to the person coming to them and/or they were also excited by the topic.

37. Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?

Ko is pretty romance-oriented, he wanted very much to experience it alongside the newness of friendship. Kokumo also has that drive, but he’s in a pretty tricky situation wherein pursuing anything would be kind of uncomfortable.

38. Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)?

I mean.. Kind of? They both have an incredible and unforgiving memory, but they don’t have any devices they use to keep that memory fresh bc literally all of it is recorded in the journals.

39. What memory do they revisit the most often?

Hilarious. Ko often thinks about the night he lost Hermione - it informs a lot of his decisions because he sees it as his biggest mistake. And this is a big nope for Kokumo.

40. How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?

For Ko, nearly impossible. He’s incredibly intolerant unless he’s devoted to someone - and then he will excuse almost anything. Kokumo is a lot more willing to, if not ignore, understand and forgive the flaws he sees in others.

41. How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

Ko sees himself as pretty flawless. Even when he makes mistakes, it’s because of his circumstances, not anything wrong in and of himself. Kokumo is very hyper-oriented on his own flaws.

42. How do they feel about children?

Ko really wants to be a father. Kokumo might, but I’m not sure yet.

43. How badly do they want to reach their end goal?

Ko would have (and I guess did?) given anything to achieve his goals in some way. Kokumo still doesn’t have any real goals.

44. If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so?

Ko would flirt. But objectively, he never regarded gender in terms of attraction - I think both of them prefer the term ‘queer’ to any direct labels though.

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS

A) Why are you excited about this character?

I was - and I guess still am - very excited for Ko’s growth. He was amazing to watch and to understand as he began to change. Kokumo almost feels like.. A stumbling block in Ko’s narrative, to be honest. But I think he’s important to it, because I don’t think either of them is a ‘true self.’ Ko was almost entirely shaped by his experiences, specifically his traumas, and he really needed to overcome that. Kokumo is entirely shaped by his present and the core traits that define the character. I have thoughts on how to resolve these essentially constructed personas into a complex individual, but unfortunately, the current story arc is not the best in terms of facilitating those ideas.

B) What inspired you to create them?

Honestly, I wanted to play a warlock, I wanted to play an evil character, and I loved the mythos of The Man in the Moon as a patron. So I was more inspired to think of what patronage to The Man in the Moon would look like, and Ko kind of arose from that. He’s also very similar to me, moreso than any of my other pcs.

C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?

I’m definitely struggling with Kokumo, which is partially due to the structure of the game right now - I don’t have much of a chance to understand how he interacts with the party, which means I don’t know some really important aspects of him. I’m also struggling a lot with his identity - is it real? It is a fugue state? How much of a “person” is he, and how much of a “person” was Ko? I think they’re both individuals, but I also think they’re two halves of a self-actualized existence.

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

He’s looked pretty much the same from early drafts. I always knew he’d be my blue-haired anime boy, that he would be pale, and that his pact with Aengus would given him that silver eye. Even his clothing style and his build have been pretty consistent. The big visual change that happened in the story was definitely an edit, but one that I was fairly prepared for.

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

God, okay. I am obsessed with both of them. I don’t think either of them would be a particularly nice person, but I would really want to be around them anyways. I think they would both find me over-emotional but otherwise pretty alright. Although realistically they would hate me for making their backstory so fucked up.

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

Pride. Lots and lots of pride, for both of them. Ko came so far and Kokumo is coping extremely well. But also frustration because they’re not where I want them to be yet.

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

Ko’s arrogance definitely grates on me, and Kokumo is also kind of self-righteous.

H) What trait do you admire most?

They’re both incredibly strong. And not only strong, they’re willing and wanting to adapt to their world based on what they learn about it.

I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?

For sure. I can’t imagine either out of context.

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

Yeah, kind of. The godly-cleansing-memory-wipe was entirely based in the rules of the narrative rather than dnd itself. But like. I’m chill with it.

#Anonymous

[angeljonghyun]

So i guess here goes my longer ramble about my feelings and thoughts. No need to read it. Feel free to ignore it. The only way for me to feel relief is to post it online in some way and although i know tumblr is such a toxic site its the only space that feels right for it. its probably full of typos and doesnt make any sense, but hey who cares.

So yeah

Lately a lot of things happened, things which im thankful for and things that help me heal, but theyre not big of a help since my emotions are so strong. As some might know im currently in a clinic for relaxation 5 days a week from 10 am-2:30 pm and its pretty tough. Being around people again, experiencing painful moments during acupuncture (they find good spots that make me cry, not even really bc theyre hurting but they just make me feel all my inner pain all at once), feeling uncomfortable around certain people there and not loving all therapists bc theyre way too harsh with their words.

The past weeks have been intense and exhausting.. and since its all about relaxing i had much time to think. I had lots of time to think about jjong. Sadly it never felt like i have space, strength and time to heal properly.

I feel lots of pain,my heart feels so heavy, im bitter and im weak? Im forcing my emotions to stay calm, i hate crying in the clinic, i cant open up properly and just dont want to cry there all the time although i know i should but i just cant.

Jjong is on my mind 24/7 like literally 24/7 hes always there, always was and idk how much longer he will be but i want him to leave. My memories and the emptiness which i feel is too much, its draining me its hurting so freaking much that i cant even put it in words and the bad thing is that no one really understands.

People may know that im sad in a way but i dont think anyone understands my pain completely, obviously not, no one ever knows how one truly feels, but its a devastating feeling. Its a feeling that makes me feel quite lost and lonely, because the only person i always believed would understand my pain was him. He was my safe haven, he was the one who would be there and never judge and just understand.

Its a really sick part of my mind which has still control over this part of my emotions, i cant trust anyone, i always.. ALWAYS feel judged and i always feel like a burden and i never want to talk about my struggles because it only causes so much more chaos or eventually i never feel like the person tries and feel all lonely and unimportant again.

Jjong he was just there.. you know ?

Just his existence caused some kind of comfort for my soul, a place to rest and feel nothing but good things for a bit although even he was hurting me too, but i accepted it bc he was far away and it was ok. He was so far away always and that gave me the chance to create the 'perfect' comfort zone. I didnt know him, he was never here.. i will just pick out parts i need and use them to stay alive.

Its not something good, but i feel like everyone does this stuff with their bias. Some more than others. I did it too much and that shows how weak and hurt my soul is. Instead of working on my problems properly i just fled into the comfort of jjongs existence, one that was so very similar to my mothers, my mother who i have lost in november 2014. winter... buried in december. Winter. The season where I lost the most important person in my life not only once, but twice now.

Jjong was like a mother to me. I cant describe my feelings for him in another way. He protected me from so much evil within myself while i wanted to protect him too at all costs and it feels HORRIBLE to have failed yet another time. It hurts so fucking much that i lost him too. He who was the biggest reason for me not to kill myself after my mom died. He who was the reason why i started eating again after developing an eating disorder. He who caused so much good in my life. He who in some way managed to manipulate me in the best possible way.

In the end it was all me, i know that, but its still the bond i had to jjong. A sick and sad one and the worst part is that i felt ready to let go slowly at the end of last year. I started realizing that i coudlnt be thinking about him all the time anymore. I want to start going to school again after 4 years of nothing but therapy. I would HAVE to let go and create a more healthy relationship. I was so ready. And then he took his own life..

He stole the opportunity from me to change. He left me here. He left me and all my problems still attached to him behind. Hes not here anymore and although i never saw him or heard or felt him in real life it makes such a huge difference to me and at the same time it doesnt. That is one of the most confusing and depressing feelings ive ever felt.

I wanted to see him in 2018.. i had many chances to see him but never one to go with me. I finally had someone to go with... and now im here.. with that opportunity gone. My biggest wish my biggest dream, the ONE thing that kept me alive for so long. Gone... all ive ever wanted was to see him live. And now.. yeah.

Those are all selfish reasons. I know that. If you even read this then no its not all i feel, but of course my feelings towards him are most important to me, its the only feelings i can work on and the only ones i truly feel. My healthy grief is there too. A distanced version of what i personally feel and no other could. But thats not truly what this post is about. Please dont judge.

So now im here and i dont know what to do.

Death has been the worst and most intense trigger in my life forever. I started being so afraid of death as a child that i could not sleep anymore bc i thought i would die. It was a horrible time, therapy followed, fear left for a few years and came back as strong as ever. Its here too now. My fear. Another reason why i am alive now, yet its not strong enough to truly shut my self destructive thoughts up. Ive noticed that around the time of jjongs burial. I was ... so ready to leave. I still feel sympathy and empathy for myself there. Bc my pain is so big. Its truly so immense but no one truly knows or cares much. Maybe my therapist, but i doubt it.

Well im now always thinking about death and jjong being dead and ive said before that these thoughts are really killing me inside. Idk where he is, how he is, how he feels, does he feel? Whats up with him... what happens??? Its so scary. I find zero comfort in the thought of him resting bc where is he? Is he resting? Does he know? Where is the man i love so freaking much? Where is my mom? Is she with him? Are they lonely?

Ive always said

When its about death, i envy religious people. They have something to hold onto. I have nothing but the unknown in my head. Another one of my biggest fears and my loved ones are stuck in there. In the unknown. And im not there and i couldnt say goodbye to either of them.

Im so bitter i envy everyone whose bias is still there and im always thinking why him. Why HIM why another person of My life why someone i love so much why when i was feeling so much better thanks to him why did he have to suffer. Will i lose everyone?

Im afraid to sleep still bc im scared to wake up to news of another loved one gone. The fears and memories, theyre everywhere. I cant escape and i hate it and dont know how to process.

The most important form of jjong to me was and still is the fictional one, although jjong as a distant human being will always be more fictional to me than real. The fictional version which i have created for my own reasons, its still there just like always, its still cheering me up, its sweet its cute and lovely, but still hard to work with bc i always end up thinking about the real jjong.

Now after seeing the pictures of his grave i rather see that image than him as a person. I welcome that. Im glad i saw the pics bc its all more real to me now, im glad i saw the burial video.. although i never wanted it to be filmed or real in the first place. I dont think i would be still as sane as i am atm if i didn’t see this stuff.

I know that im doing quite good.. i should be proud of myself i guess.. but my pain is overshadowing everything else to the point where im completely at loss of every emotion just thinking about jjong not being here anymore.

Knowledge about his passing, own experiences and the whole process, everything. It haunts me.

Its quite a long way to go i think. I always felt so close to him, we were so similar and although he had many flaws i didnt quite like, especially as i was getting more healthy and he was still stuck, i still loved him so much and accepted that. He was getting so much better from and outside point of view and maybe that was the reason why he finally found strength to leave and its such a sad thing to think about, but i cant really change a thing anymore.

Sadly. Yeah ..

At the end of this i just want to say. Please just care, be there and if a depressed person in your life gets better please pay special attention bc it might be their chance to end it all. I dont want people to die bc of that dumb fucking illness anymore and i know its not possible to prevent it completely but well..

Im tired and theres still so much more to say for me but i cant say much more now. My head hurts and i need to get up and do something in order to forget about all of this for a while.

Please stay strong, please dont give up. I promise you one day it will get better, never fully ok, but better.

Im trying my best to find joy in jjong and shinee again, i doubt that i will, but im trying. I wont leave the fandom now, but im not the same anymore. Listening to shinees or jjongs music is impossible, watching videos too. If you feel the same its fine. Just do whats right for you. Im just here feeling happy for the others and hoping that theyre feeling better slooowly each day a little. Just like i hope it to be for everyone else.

If you came till here. Thanks for caring. Please take care of yourself, you are very loved. Life is hard, but not impossible.

Stay strong.

#personal #longpost #negative #tw:suicide #tw:death

[system-architect]

aaaaaaaaand the cake and bday additions to that last post. warning for discussion of alcohol bc cake is a drunkard. also bday is Tragic as per usual

here’s cake:

Their physical weak spots: cake evades a lot but can’t take strong hits in general. go 4 the legs Their emotional/moral weak spots: gets hung up easily when fighting ppl he has attachment to... he was raised without much morals wrt murder but he still finds himself evading having to kill anyone and tries to rather incapacitate them Scars or painful spots: he has SO MANY SCARS god....... he wears them all like badges of honor, he’s very lax about getting chewed up so long as he wins the fight whoops Best places to kiss on their body: cake’s entire body is a very kissable zone, though he’s biased towards anywhere on his torso and back. surprisingly he’s not a massive fan of lip kisses but he will still spring for them Guilty pleasures: he knows he should feel guilty about all the pina coladas but is that going to stop him? no, it’s not Their vices (physical or emotional): he loves rum, he loves sparring, he loves physical contact, he loves long walks (or spirited jogs) on the beach, what else is there to say? he does asura weed maybe? Humiliating memories: gghjfd god he has so many and some make for fun party stories and some don’t. the ones that actively haunt him are related to him acting like a dam fool in front of his parents or ppl he was tryin to impress otherwise Fears/phobias: very afraid he’s never gonna amount to anything or be Good Enough. despite this, he feels lost on the path of life, and this bothers him a lot as well Bad or petty habits: the booze repeatedly mentioned probably counts here too. he has a tendency to pick fights, or get flirtatious out of boredom. he can be very petty and a dirty fighter if you get on his nerves. also despite being a generally good and friendly guy he’s a bit of a “frat bro” type who can be bad at solving messes he’s made whether those are emotional or physical Grudges and vendettas: Conflictedly Bitter At His Parents, also very big grudge towards the inquest particularly maat What gets them flustered: a lot of things can, tho his personality becomes dulled and sluggish when he’s drunk. he’s sensitive about feeling like he’s being judged and may pick a fight if he feels you’re looking at him wrong Ingrained habits/forces of habit: idk if he has many of these.. i’ll chew on this one What it takes to make them cry: cake is Not an easy crier but can get very emotional when certain emotional sore spots of his are treaded upon Dark secrets/’skeletons in the closet’: he’s very clammed up about a lot of his backstory Regrets: many, he chews over his past actions a lot. regrets not doing or saying things sooner, regrets not wording things the right way, regrets not doing More than he did, regrets not being able to make as much of a difference as he wanted to, regrets letting people get their claws around his psyche and regrets being so vulnerable and letting other ppl rule or judge him Things they’ll never admit: he’s conflicted and has a tough time deciding on how he feels about his parents. he often feels like maybe his issues with his parents were him more self-projecting stuff and they weren’t as harsh on him as he feels like they were. naturally this is very tough for him to admit to himself People they’ve hurt or indirectly killed, and how it affected them: doesn’t like killing, but is a bit desensitized to it as it’s been a big role in his backstory. he can only steel himself against it if he’s convinced the people he’s killing are Bad/would threaten him/his allies if still alive. he bottles a lot of regret he feels from killing ppl who might’ve not deserved it

aaaaaaand bday!

Their physical weak spots: answered in previous ask Their emotional/moral weak spots: bday wants to feel Good Enough and feel like he’s carving his own life path that amounts to something, and that he Matters to at least someone. he’s never been allowed to think for himself too much, so it’s been easy for people to get their clutches around this and take advantage of him Scars or painful spots: answered in previous ask Best places to kiss on their body: bday has not really Experienced kisses but around the ears/jaw/neck and the Belly is good Guilty pleasures: bday loves 2 read and stargaze but he feels guilty about these bc they’re not what’s Expected of him, how fuckt up is that. bday’s had some rough luck Their vices (physical or emotional): ....ffffoood i guess? bday loves to eat and he comfort eats a whole ton Humiliating memories: way too many. anything involving him getting somehow Bested especially in front of his parents is pretty bad. he’s always felt an intense pressure, from external and internal forces but originally inflicted by external, to be the Best. he doesn’t necessarily feel uppity about wanting to surpass everyone, he just can’t deal with the idea that he’s slipping below what he Should be Fears/phobias: very afraid of all his strife amounting to nothing. on a deeper level, afraid he’s never going to get any respite and is gonna spend his whole life just struggling over everything. he’s afraid the bad stressful situations are never gonna end, that he’s just doomed to this. very afraid also he’ll never be Good Enough Bad or petty habits: he has an eye for an eye policy and will get resentful and sadistic if you Tarnish him or his rep or safety in any way, and try to lunge back at you and give you a taste of your own medicine Grudges and vendettas: big grudge against his parents esp his mom What gets them flustered: answered in previous ask Ingrained habits/forces of habit: never ever ever ever removes his goggles in front of people, never removes them unless he has to when he’s completely alone and even then he paranoidly surveys the room constantly and keeps them on his forehead if possible. in general is paranoid and always ready to go into fight or flight mode What it takes to make them cry: a whole lot bc he’s suppressed emotion city Dark secrets/’skeletons in the closet’: he’s clammed up about like everything possible incl a lot of stuff i’ve listed here. bday is a very emotional and complex person who’s hellbent on operating like nothing is wrong and he’s convinced it’s Bad to succumb to his emotions.. he doesn’t like conveying to anyone that he’s got Cracks in him Regrets: answered in previous ask Things they’ll never admit: nnnnot sure what to answer here that doesn’t dance too much around spoilers for my PoF story? People they’ve hurt or indirectly killed, and how it affected them: a lot. he’s steeled himself to it. he’s been raised to not feel empathy for others and has been spoonfed the idea that it’s just his professional job and that the people he hurts or kills are Wrong somehow, that if he’s ordered to dispatch someone then it clearly must be Justified. he is not encouraged to think for himself, and so he bottles feelings  

#oc talk #text heavy #long post #bday #cake #keikii #which tag did i use for him...

[thoughtsandeverythingelse]

1 hour non moving car ride

it is currently 2:20AM, and i am sitting in my room thinking about the different aspects of how people have poured their lives out with me. 

i am not sure where do i even begin writing this. i have to be up 8am tomorrow, but i am slightly bothered about what i heard in the non moving car ride, and in a bit of desperate need to pen this down before forcing myself to pray about it. 

today we ended up sitting in a car for a good 30 mins in the departure area of the world’s best airport. it ended with the sinner’s prayer - someone verbally proclaiming that he is a broken man, that he wants to love jesus more, and wants to leave things in the past behind. there were slight tears and it was wiped away real quickly with a bashful smile, saying ‘i’m okay.’ we ended up here bc it started with a rage within the family, then a slight disagreement with how things happened in a ‘service hall’, and how the prayer should have ended with a repentant heart. 

my heart was quaking so hard, and this must be from You because i can't possibly explain the excitement, heaviness and sincereness of the prayer we had. 

the night ended as usual - sitting in the car for an hour talking about life, what is on one’s heart, and what one has been bottling up alone because he has no one to talk about it with. 

i dont know why i feel so bothered about what he shared with me. am i jealous? am i upset that this guy that i really like hanging out with, enjoy growing with, discovering his identity, but also feel that he has so much more to grow, is not interested in me? do i feel like i am not good enough? because someone that i deem is enough, is not interested in me. am i then not good enough for him? perhaps this is the thought process that im going through, but this is not the fact. 

but does it matter though? this has been mentioned since the beginning. he likes someone else, i am not in the equation. but it has been my privilege to know certain things his life, each of their lives in fact. i like that i have that honor and i know the little secrets in his heart, and what he thinks. 

i am attracted to his hunger, his teachability, his personality and (obviously) his humor. 

but i know in my heart that at least otherwise pursued, i can not make assumptions. i also feel like there are other aspects in his life that he needs to grow from, and perhaps a simple relationship can not just fix that.  i am thankful bc people are pouring out their lives into me. i am starting to have a soft spot for them. i am starting to see that they are humans, and jesus loves them so much. be it a broken family, broken past, insecurities or the struggles to love, they are starting to develop a special place in my heart. i am worried that this might be taken away from me, because we know what happened when someone started to occupy a special place a while ago. am i jealous that people have it going for them? the idea of love, and how the people around me are literally going through all that. this feel so strange to me, how could an advocate of love, speak so loudly about LOVE, but yet have never experienced this goodness one speaks about? no. this is wrong. i have experienced what Love is. what His love is - that no one can ever take away from me. i dont think human intimacy can ever replace what His intimacy is like. somedays it feels easy to know what His love is like - but nights like this, suddenly seem so hard when it feels so dark and far away. i need to remember, that humans’ physical intimacy can never replace what His intimacy is like. if anything, its just another avenue to experience different versions of what HIS LOVE is like. its another opportunity to discover what HIS LOVE IS through different ways. i need to remember this. the intimacy we have as people, will always be disappointed. it will always be broken. it can never be loved from a whole heart, because we are all broken to begin with. only He can make us whole. only HE can mend broken hearts to make them new again. i need to remember this.  now then, if one has never experienced romantic intimacy and romantic love between two individual humans, does that make them any less? no. it does not. but why - when i hear a mere subject that is closely related to love, especially to the people that i love so much - i feel things i dont want to feel? 

i love that i get to see different sides of them, hear different things. oh what a privilege it is!  i am upset that i am letting my own emotions step into the different things i hear. “here’s my broken family” me: i think i can live with that. im willing to love you through it all.  really? do i? would i? i hear various stories from various aspects, and i think i am jealous that they get to share that with each other, but i dont. 

this is ironic, bc they are nothing of that sorts to begin with. 

dear Jesus, this is so confusing for me. i dont like that i am feeling this way, can you take away what im feeling, please? 

[survivor-guyana]

Episode 12 - "tbh I totally forgot we were playing Fans vs Favorites." - Jones

So here I am. Maynor got blindsided, TJ had an idol and didn't tell me about it, and I've been on the bottom of 3/4 merge votes (I don't count Unanimous bc that's a twist so we HAd to work together) everyone has basically lied to me at some point, and all of my relationships are fractured in some way or another. Alyssa gave me her explanation why everything went down the way it did: She heard that TJ babbled to Jess that Aidan was going against Alyssa/Devon/Jess, so they confronted him with this information and flipped back to the otherside (alongside dani obviously.) HOWEVER Alyssa believes that TJ and Maynor were the ones campaigning against her, and didn't think I had anything to do with it at all (hehehehe), but because the "majority alliance" had been worried about TJ having an idol, their only options were either me or Maynor. Alyssa then told me that Aidan had been trying to throw my name out all day, but she kept me safe (HEHEHEHE) so boom.  This also lead me to the realization that TJ doesn't really trust me and he never did. If he did, he would've been able to confide in me if he found the idol (which he did) and he DID, in fact, leak to the other side that Aidan/Dani were flipping (when he said he hadn't heard anything at all). If TJ told the truth about the situation, I do think Maynor and I wouldn't have tried as hard to save him, and Maynor would still be in this game. I told him i would tell him if I heard anything, but he's most definitely on the bottom, and i most likely will be voting him out if he doesn't win immunity. (hopefully he doesn't, if he does, it's either me or chelsea.) after all of this information was being processed in my itty bitty brain, I most definitely had a mental breakdown. My brain stopped processing everything that came to mind all together. and all I could do was draw a blank and laugh to myself. I was hopeless, there was no plan moving forward and I was trapped as a "goat" once again for the eventual winner of Tumblr Survivor Guyana: Fans Vs. Favorites 7... who am I kidding? Guacamole Jones doesn't just give up that easily. Aidan and Dani had expressed that they wanted to flip before the whole TJ fiasco. If I can find a way to separate myself from him and squeeze my fat ass into any cracks i can, then I will. but it will probably end in me having to do a bit more exposing to Aidan about Alyssa. (specifically about her leaking info to me.) If I can get them to my side, I have them as allies, and I also have Chelsea. so hypothetically that would be 4 ( + 1 with Aidan's vote steal) vs 3, and we can easily sweep the majority. obviously this is an act to save myself, however, this may mean more to me than that. When I said that I wanted people to play their own games, I actually meant it. Everyone deserves to fight for their spot in the game, and should fight for their case to stay. Right now it feels like everyone is playing into Alyssa's hand, and i'm not here for it at all. so i'm gonna try to do something about it.

Buckle up bitches, it's "Tea-Time" with Jess.

Today's Topic is: "Another round, another mess".

I'm going through some SHIT.

The last couple of rounds I've been trying to do the whole "let's minimize Jess's threat level" and that shit isn't working out. I'm ironically getting credit for moves and taking out people who I can honestly say I had no say in whatsoever. I've literally done nothing in this game except be a NUMBER. The only move I've made? Is getting out Sammy but I don't think I can take FULL CREDIT FOR THAT.

So I'm kind of annoyed I'm getting way more credit than I deserve because I've been down this path before. People are using myself/Alyssa as their shields and making the moves they want to do because they won't get the blame BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT: Alyssa and I will. That'll get us taken out of this game within the next couple of rounds GUARANTEED.

I've compromised so much in this game. I basically screwed my relationship with TJ up. That shit sucks but as a player he's DANGEROUS but he was my kind of dude? Hopefully he can see the numbers/odds are stacked against him and he'll have no choice BUT TO WORK WITH ME. So let's pray that happens or else big yikes x10000.

On the next next subject that is ANNOYING ME TO NO GOD DAMN END.

J-O-N-E-S <INSERT KERMIT HANGING HIMSELF MEME HERE>. I don't get the appeal as her as a PLAYER. I get the appeal for her as a PERSON OUTSIDE OF THE GAME..... she seems awesome, relatable, funny.

HOWEVER IN THIS GAME SHE'S: Messy, annoying, and CAN NOT BE TRUSTED.

YET..... the person I consider my #1, the person who I've basically fucked up my game multiple times for bye putting my foot down every time someone tries to take her out.... STILL FUCKING TRUSTS HER?! <INSERT I DON'T UNDERSTAND DANCING GIF HERE>. I DON'T G-E-T- I-T. Jones went around last round spreading Alyssa's name. I'm almost 99.9% CERTAIN. It's so obvious she threw fucking Alyssa under the bus with the Dani vote. That shit came out when Maynor wasn't even ON. HOW DOES SHE NOT SEE THIS?!

All signs are pointing to Jones selling Alyssa out. Detective Jess will take a look at the EVIDENCE: 1. Maynor was not on when TJ was spreading the fact that Alyssa threw out Dani's name. 2. Alyssa only told Maynor/Jones about the Dani vote (50% chance Jones did it.. YAY MATH!). 3. JONES ADMITTED SHE KNEW MAYNOR THREW HER UNDER THE BUS BUT DID NOT TELL HER? LIKE WHAT KIND OF CRACK IS SHE SMOKING?! 4. We've shaded Jones twice in a row with a vote. Of course home girl doesn't TRUST YOU IN THIS GAME. 5. Jones was M.I.A yesterday however, in the main chat she said she'd be ON.

Alyssa not believing Jones had anything to do with her name going around last vote is something I can't look past. I'm at a loss with what to do right now.

ALSO them adding me to the GOLDEN QUEENS when I SPECIFICALLY asked them to do it after this game is SO SUSPECT. All of a sudden I fucking tell Alyssa I'm doubting Jones... I get added to a casual chat with Jones?! I don't fucking understand these people. How obvious do you think this is? Do you think I was born fucking a second ago? I'm just-

D O N E

This stage of the game is crucial for me personally. I don't believe the F5 will consist of myself, Jess, Alyssa, Dani, and Aidan. I think that Dani is over-paranoid more often than not, and Aidan will be smart enough to not let his advantage go to waste.

I am trying to plant a seed in Alyssa's head that we need to flip on Dani and Aidan at the F7, and hopefully she bites the bait. If this works, maybe we can boot Alyssa and leave Jess scrambling? I would rather sit with Dani and Aidan in the F3

I’m over like, 80% of these people. They really think they’re being “slick” or “sneaky” or “good at the game” just because they’re being vague with me? That’s 👏 not 👏 how 👏 I 👏 ROLL 👏 HONEY 👏👏👏 like HONESTLY did they really think I wouldn’t realize I’m getting voted out? Ofc alyssa wants to go to the end with most of these people, it’s bc they’re so obviously bad at being slick. ON TOP OF ALL OF IT you think you can get away with being “sneaky” after you blindsided me NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE, BUT 3 FUCKING TIMES? Lied to my FACE??? Okay. Sure. Play like that. God, these people are really playing into alyssa’s hand, huh? Do they not want to play for themself for once? That’s literally the only thing I want from everyone. Actually that’s not true but its fine. I want them to be HONEST AND TELL ME IM BEING VOTED OUT. AAAAAND I want them to play for themselves. Like play the fucking game or don’t sign up for it imo. I’m over it. Thank god people like Aidan exists though. He seems like he’s genuinely ready to fuck shit up, and I’m just excited to call him and expose the fuck out alyssa. Hell, even if I get voted out, I trust him to go against the grain and actually take a stance. He’s the hero of the season for a REASON lmao. But yeah I’ll keep y’all posted, but It looks like I’m getting 8th place! Which !!! Doesn’t!!!! SOund!!!!! GOOD AT ALL!!! Last time I found out I wasn’t getting voted Johnny as worried about my mental well being. Let’s just,,,, hope for the best this time LMao

I. Dont. Like. Sneaks. In touchy subjects, i was voted as the person who has no idea what's going on, but apparently TJ made a chat with everyone but Dani, Aidan, and I to keep himself safe?? I have talked to him every day at some point and I'm PISSED that he tried to make a chat to potentially target one of us three (who AREN'T EVEN THREATS) to keep himself safe. I will work with anyone who stays loyal and doesn't make everything a shit show, but when you talk to me all the time and go behind my back........ bye. If he stays, he has some explaining to do. Maybe he *knows* i wouldn't vote for him and doesn't see why I should be in on the chat, but in this case, I SHOULD have been in on it. If I find out that he wants to target me, haaaaaaaahahahaa.

I guess 5th and 8th isn't the worst record ever... It just sucks this is how it's going to end.

I think TJ is finally going home since we kinda forced him to use his idol last tribal. Idk I’m tired

Hi so Aidan is literally the love of my life?? We’re actually on the same page/have the same allies and whatnot, so I’m feeling a lot better knowing that we’re allies. We basically agreed that TJ is too much of a fucking mess to keep around right now, so if we get him out then we’ll still have majority on the rest of the group!! So woohoo!!! Also? TJ proposed that there’s an all fans alliance and tbh I totally forgot we were playing Fans v Favorites. Just Bc aidan specifically wanted to target alyssa the round before. But legit,,,, why wouldn’t you target alyssa is my question??? Um but yeah I wouldn’t be shocked if i got votes tonight, but we shall see?? Hopefully I live to see another round, but right now I wanna fuckin sleep

Okay #2. TJ seems to think that Jess and Devon would vote Dani with me and him which just isn't true. I will not vote Dani because she hasn't caused any issues for me or made me feel threatened. TJ making his chat in the first place tells me that he was perfectly fine if me, Dani, or Aidan went home, but I guess as long as someone else said the name, he wouldn't get as much shit for it. He has really put a target on his back by doing this and I am a little bit hurt by it. But contrary to TJ's belief about voting tonight, we're not as divided as he thinks we are.

Me this round:

Very happy that I have immunity again but I already know that people are going to start saying I'm an "immunity threat" and it's going to annoy me. People look for ANY reason to point a target on anyone and I'm sort of expecting it? I'm already preparing responses for those kind of things.

Today was interesting because TJ was apparently desperate and making pleas to everybody that could listen (which somehow excluded Dani, Chelsea and I) but he eventually made his rounds to Dani anyway. I'm really hoping that he goes tonight because he tanked his whole game and I want him to feel EMBARRASSED and DEVASTATED for even daring to cross me in the way he did. If he listened to me and just followed my lead then he'd still be in the game WITH an idol. Thomas Pascucci is a passive aggressive little snake who loves to play the victim... but I'm hoping as we move into the 7 things get interesting.

I had a good talk with Jonesy today that confirmed a lot of my suspicions and she told me that she wanted to get out Alyssa. I was shook because I thought they were close, which they are, because I had heard she was in her confessional or something. I don't care but this anxious bitch better not be trying to play me either... but Devon seems to want to make a move too because he mentioned something about me/Dani/him needing to decide the next move. I feel like something ALWAYS goes down at 7 in Survivor history so I think everybody is anxious going into this next vote. My talk with Jones also brought my trust for Jess into question... there's a lot she kept from me (and a lot I kept from her, I do admit) but she's equally as messy but I think getting rid of Alyssa will force her into my back pocket more.

At this point there are a lot of small sub groups and alliances and deals and I don't even have an idea who the jury would love or hate. I like to think I have a good shot but it might be my ego... it's all going to be based on who tries to CLAIM different moves I think, or who gets crazy at this point in the game.

In regards to Devon I trust him more now after this round. I think he's more committed to the Massholes F3 than Alyssa/Jess but I'm not sure. I want to get on a call with him and feel him out. Maybe I can offer an F2 to him to ensure his loyalty.

But I also want to go the distance with Dani/Jess. It's a very complicated game and I feel like every boot looking forward needs to be INTENTIONAL. The endgame is near and I'm nervous but at least I still have my Opal Idol. I don't want to fuck up using that either.

DRUNK CONFESSIONAL WOOOO

I keep thinking to myself "how the fuck did i make F7?" because part of me is like,, genuinely shocked i've made it this far? It doesn't really feel real? But then I like, remind myself of where I started in this game and how it got me to where I am now. And THEN i started thinking about Ko Chang, and then I keep thinking about how much I've grown since then? last time around F7 I was like,, cowering in fear that the majority alliance would destroy me? or something like that? it was a few months ago i just remember crying a lot. BUT WOW!! I really did it huh. Final 7. I feel like this time i'm actually comfortable enough to like,,,, do things now. I'd like to say I set myself up pretty nicely? My talk with Aidan was really successful and we're gonna try taking out Alyssa this round with Dani and Chelsea. Worst case scenario - we still have Aidan's vote steal. If alyssa wins immunity - we'll probably go for Jess? we haven't really talked about that yet? but oh well. we'll have to wait and see. hopefully my 14/20 in the spelling bee is good enough <3

Twelve Hours Later........

Wow 👏 love it when 👏 the one thing 👏 that I want to 👏 NOT 👏 happen 👏 FUCKING 👏 HAPPENS 👏👏👏 So like ok alyssa won immunity and I was THJS FUCKJNG CLOSE KM GONNA PISS MY PANTS ok ok besides the point everything’s fine it’s totally fine we’re all fine hahahahjaha But ummm I already talked to Aidan about what we should do and I think we’re both in agreeance that Jess should go? I think she’s the next best thing behind alyssa. Plus even if she doesn’t go,, I want her to HAVE VOTES LIKE !!!! JOIN THE CLUB!!! But also,, part of me is worried that i’m getting played. While I think aidan’s a genuine person when it comes to wanting the big threats out - how am I supposed to know if he thinks I’M one of the big threats, yk? But I do genuinely think he wants Alyssa/Jess/Devon out before anyone else. Even if that eventually leaves me vulnerable at F4, that’s fine. I can always go on an immunity run or smth if I ever become good at comps :)

But rn,, in the words of Jonathan Stockton: “I’m going to kms”

Dear Jones, If there's ONE thing I've learnt in this game..... it's to NEVER trust a girl who cries more than a pregnant lady.. ever.

Your crocodile tears don't phase me one bit. I've been saying for a while now that you're sketchier than a crackhead in an alleyway.

Your attempt at screwing me over was expected.. Your attempt to screw over Alyssa.... now that shit hurts. That's your BEST FRIEND Jones.. someone who literally has vouched for you to SOOO many people when they were coming after you (me included).

I HONESTLY WANT YOU GONE LIKE.... YESTERDAY.

No amount of dad jokes or Kermit memes are gonna get her out of this mess..

However, I do have ONE LAST DAD JOKE FOR YOU.

Me: Jones, I'm on I'm the jury. Jones: Hi I'm on the jury, I'm dad.. oh wait.

Sincerely, Jess. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The fact that Aidan hasn't come to me yet with the fucking lies Jones has been spreading is concerning. I can't try and save his ass now because of that. I want to save him but how the fuck do I try and defend the guy who is paranoid about me? I could sell out Devon but that does me NO GOOD right now.

7th here I come?!

I feel like every round I say something to someone I risk getting exposed. LIKE ???? Ik I said I felt okay before but I feel like I’m /too/ okay if that makes sense. I told Aidan that his name and Chelsea’s name was thrown out there by Devon. He THINKS that Chelsea’s the one who threw it out there though. Which ISNT how it was supposed to work!! We had a plan to get out Jess what are you dOING!!! NOW aidan’s gonna go to Devon to see where he heard it from. Like???? Might as well just call me out for being a snake now before it’s too late :) why’d Alyssa have to win immunity. She’s the only person who COULDNT WIN!! Why? Bc I HAD TO WIN OR ELSE ID BE DEAD. THIS ISNT HOW IT’S SUPPOSED TO WORK IN MY FANTASY!!!!!  But,, at least it’s not my name out there. Better anyone else but mine :0 so I don’t think my name will come up? I think the only person who came up with my name was Aidan, and now he’s like,, my new best friend? So yeehaw that’s nice. ,,,,, hopefully The Godfather— I MEAn alyssa doesn’t catch on to my snakiness.

Ugh this group is so nice and there is no particular person that I want to vote out over the other. Devon and Jones seem to want to vote with me and Aidan has talked to me a bunch. Aidan has been my social game person meaning he gives me info on people and has helped me a few times with staying safe and making moves. Last round, he told me about the chat that TJ made which I would have never known about if he didn't tell me. It wasn't a huge deal because people didn't respond and ended up voting him anyway, but still! Knowing that TJ voted me and was potentially targeting me with other people before tribal was information that I needed and Aidan provided. Even though the vote was unanimous, it was still a good thing to band together with him and Dani to make sure a few others were on the same page for the TJ vote.

Now that TJ is gone, I honestly do not know who to vote next. Do I vote Aidan because even though he has been super helpful, he is still a social threat and is killing challenges? Do I vote Dani because I have talked to her least? Do I vote Jess because it would break up the suspicious Jess/Alyssa duo? Do I vote Jones or Devon just because? I don't know what's going to happen tonight because people might have idols to use (or maybe not!) At this point in the game, I'll be sad with whoever goes but I'm ready to vote anyone who isn't me. Maybe that makes me a huge biotch, but it will get me to where I need to be, especially because I haven't played my best game this season. If I do go home tonight, I'm just happy I made it into the single digits :)

So like, I'm finally coming back around to potentially work with Devon, Jess, and Alyssa which I'm happy about because with me, we are the majority this round. At first I wasn't completely against voting Jess, but after hearing that my name was out there and reaching out to Devon, I needed to talk to Jess and see what she wanted to do. Then, Devon told me that if I want Aidan out, going to Jones and Dani isn't a great idea (since they are probs working together), so I needed to tread lightly from then on out. Thank god I never initially gave a clear answer to Jones and Dani on who I definitely want gone because Aidan might have a vote steal and will come for me or all of us lmfao.

I told Jones that I wasn't totally against voting Jess and told Dani and Jones that I wanted to vote with them, just to give them the idea that they would have majority with Aidan....(but I'm not. I am so sorry for flipping on y'all.) I feel awful lying to people because I hate being completely blindsided and not knowing who to trust, but I am doing this vote for me to help MY game.

I feel so dirty with this vote because I know I am going to lose trust in Jones and Dani, AND Aidan if this doesn't work and he ends up staying. I am the swing vote though and so I feel like I have a lot of pressure on me. Do I vote with Dani, Aidan, and Jones to get Jess out? Or do I vote with my Hosororo people and vote out Aidan? Jess is not a threat to me, because I feel like we play a similar game but I may talk to more people. She seems more predictable imo than Aidan. Aidan however, has won multiple challenges, has a killer social game, and poses as a much bigger threat to me if I was to make it farther in the game with him.

I need to vote to benefit myself for this round and that means I need Aidan gone. I am not good enough to win in challenges against someone like Aidan but I think I *might* have a chance if he gets voted out this round.

I lost immunity by ONE and I'm pissed because now I'm a ball of anxiety and mess. I feel like fucking Jess the way I think I'm going home.

Right now I think it's going to be a straightforward Chelsea vote but stranger fucking things have happened? I'm expecting something wild to go down but my senses aren't tingling that something is happening /to me/ so I'm likely gonna save my Opal Idol for next week which is the last week that I can play it!

I don't know how I feel about the game going forward because there are a lot of deals and I think people trust me but I'm not sure. I'm really solid with my Massholes F3 but also my sub deal with Jess and I really trust a majority of this game. Other people? Not so much.

I think if Chelsea goes we'll definitely have an interesting F6 round

Confessional #3 because things can never just be simple. I ate a bowl of ice cream so now I'm all sugar and FIRED UP. You know what? I'm not feeling so bad if Aidan goes home tonight because apparently he wanted me out and thinks it's gonna be a 6-1 vote against me. Tbh I'm pissed lmao. Devon is telling Jones to vote me so that she doesn't suspect me and Devon working together, so I'm not reaching out to her or Dani anymore until they come to me. Devon doesn't think that Jones will vote for me but honestly who knows? Jones also thinks that I would vote Jess so I can't be too mad if people turn around and vote me. This is probably the round that best describes the "outwit" portion of the game because we're down to 7 people and half of the tribe had their names going around (me, Aidan, Jess, even Dani because Aidan tried to bait me into saying I would vote her.)

JESUS. Now Devon's name has been brought up. Devon told Jones that maybe I should go to get rid of any suspicion that I am working with him, but now apparently Jones told Aidan we should vote Devon..... I'm literally shook by how many names we have filtered through. Who knows, maybe this will be a 6-1 vote for me and I'm going home.

If I go home tonight, I'm telling them in my final words that I had an idol but didn't think I needed it this round, so I gave it to someone else.... and to have fun figuring out who it is :)

I'm literally? so fucking mindboggled right now? i don't know whether I should feel sick or not. like,,, I thought Aidan and I were "on the same wavelength" or something like that. suddenly at 9:45 (15 minutes before tribal might i add) he's just like "we can't do this" like??? YES WE CAN!!! THIS IS THE ONLY LOGICAL TIME TO USE THE FUCKING VOTE STEAL!!!!!!! IF WE USE IT AT F6 WE CAN ONLY TIE IT, BUT IT'LL BE USELESS BECAUSE WE CAN'T USE THE STEAL IN A FUCKING REVOTE!!! THERE IS!!! NO POINT!!!!!!!!!!!!! literally,, if I knew the temptation was a fucking vote steal and I knew I'd end up in THIS SITUATION RIGHT NOW then this wouldn't be an issue. I sound like an asshole. but oh!! my!!! GOD!!! YOU SAY YOU WANNA MAKE A MOVE!!! THSI IS THE FUCKING MOMENT!!!! MAKE THE GODDAMN MOVE OR YOU'RE GETTING PICKED OFF IN THIS FUCKING GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 I really can't believe this. and I thought I had hope. sorry i'm so fucking pissed i'm probably gonna lose chelsea over this. this is not her time to go. I fucking hate this. everyone in this game needs to step the fuck up and i'm angry. i'm probably gonna regret this tomorrow, but i don't fucking care.

We were gonna get alyssa out this round for being shady with jones. But she won the immunity. Now we are getting Chelsea I think. I was going to make a video but I’m so tired.  Loool sorry

Aidan has been bothering me about flipping the votes over and over again from Chelsea to Jones to Jess

I know this is coming to the end, so big moves NEED to be made. I'll be throwing Chelsea a bone of trust and see if she grabs at it. If all works well, maybe we can get the most powerful player out of the game??? Last male standing

[ts-nightingaleislands]

Episode #13- FINALE

I gotta say Im SUPERRR upset with myself right now. To be completely honest I feel like I could have won had my laptop not frozen which would have been really nice to have. What is making this worse is knowing I lost because my computer decided to freeze for 1st time ever! 

This is okies though. Once I get to the end I'll just be able to stick to the narrative of things never going my way but I still persevered! 

The silver lining to losing and Cheatham winning is knowing this means Sara goes. I was a little worried that if Cheatham left it keeps AMs options open. Now if he wins its gonna force her hand. I just have to promise her F2 even more and pray it convinces her NOT to do anything crazy

(LATER)

I've done some rethinking- if AnnMarie is in f4 with Sara and Austin I'd like to think it means she is not gonna try and target anyone but them. I should be safe...but I am also interested in seeing if Cheatham legit votes for Austin or not

Yeah so um...Apparently Austin leaked everything that Cheatham told him to AM and Chris yesterday so they added him to an alliance chat. But pretty sure they're also playing semi emotionally rn and not thinking straight. If AM was actually going to potentially idol Austin out before..she knows he's a clear threat. All it takes is Chris/am/cheatham to get together and hash this all out and turn on Austin. Though idk how likely it is Cheatham would do that. He's flat out told me that he knows Austin is the biggest threat yet he seems stuck like glue to him. I mean..so am I...but I don't really have a lot of other options...they all want me out...and there's no way to immunity streak. I really need Austin to stay because I truly believe he'll at least tie at f4 if we have to. Cheatham may not no matter how many times he's told that Am/Chris won't split. Or he'll vote me assuming he's winning final immunity.

I'm thinking about telling Cheatham straight up I am voting him. Its just weird because he seems to already know he is likely going so perhaps AnnMarie has already talked to him, not sure but I do feel bad even if he is voting me out

I feel like I am now sort of in a great spot because I am framing AnnMarie to be the one calling the shots but actually she is coming to me asking what to do O-O. So Operation: Wolfsheep(?) was a success! I told her to see how Sara feels about Austin/Chatham became we have to max our benefits!

(LATER)

Here we go again! Austin and AnnMarie on at the same time so lets get this party started

Hi Friends, its final five! And I wanted to quit the game again! By far the hardest immunity challenge that I've ever done and tbh it pissed me off. I lasted 3 hours and 14 minutes and for what? To fight for my life again bc I might get voted out? It pisses me off. My body is still completely sore. Anyways, My plan for this week is to convince Am to vote out either Chris or Austin, I don't care who, bc they will vote each other out if it means that they get to stay. I made a DAMN good plea to AM and it seems like it might have worked. BUT you never know. If this works out for me, Its just another thing on my resume :)

(LATER)

WELL CHANGE OF PLANS. REWIND. Austin literally just called me and told me how he got added to a F3 with AM and Chris.He told Sara about it so she wants me, him, and her to work together and get out CHRIS. AHHHH CRAZY RIGHT? Like I don't wanna work with them but it is the only thing that will get me through this week. Hopefully it works out. PEACE.

Ahhh! I feel like Dorothy in Oz right now! My yellow brick road is splitting and I don't know which path to followwwww!!! Technically AM could screw things with the idol (which she finally came clean about) but there's pros and cons to all vote options this round... Voting Cheatham this round would likely make it easier for me to win immunity. I also don't fully trust him. HOWEVER, that still leaves AM and Chris in the game together and I'm nearly certain they will vote together next round. Voting Cheatham would also keep a tad of trust with AM and hopefully she and Chris would fire Austin  instead of me. But Austin is also close with Chris. Taking this path would probably leave f3 wide open and if I did somehow end up f3 with Chris/AM, I HAVE to win immunity or I'm ducked. But if that f3 did happen and I won final immunity, I'd have a much easier win than with Austin...but do I even want it easy? That's boring. You can't be the best until you win against the best. And... Voting Chris would break him from AnnMarie and we wouldn't have to worry about them trying to make finals together. Plus, Cheatham would be there next round, so maybe I could get her to vote Cheatham out next round if he isn't immune. Then in a F3 situation, I THINK both Austin/AM would take me instead of each other. But it's also a risk because I'd be leaving AM out of this vote and she may not trust me. Or can #GirlPower prevail? Did any of this make sense? And all of this lit only works if Austin doesn't plan on turning against me. If he does ..then RIP my game all together.

omg i feel im def the one going home . all my flipping and leaking info has finally caught up to me and i cant blame ppl for finding out haha. we will see what happens. tumblr survivor gods please be with me!

3 votes Chris, 2 votes Austin.

WTF?!?! I cant believe I made it past that tribal.  Thank god for sara and cheatham having my back this vote. Idk what's gonna happen next but I gotta try not damn hardest on this immunity or it could be me going home next .

Idk what my end game plan is really.  Idc who I go to the end with I just wanna make it there.  So I gotta convince someone to vote with me so at least if anything it will be a tie and there is a chance for me . It's been a hard game but I have loved every second of it <3

Ughhhh...I know what needs to be done this round but it's soooo hard!! As annoyed as I am with the way Austin tried playing the game, making F2's with idek how many people, he's still like the nicest kid ever and I feel bad. Like bro, you had a good enough social game...you didn't NEED to do that. He literally probably would have gotten by with it too if it wasn't for him leaking AM's idol plans back to her (literally told him he's going to get himself in trouble) and also telling AM Cheatham/I were voting Chris so she should save him to take out Cheatham. Lit, he could have been honest with me and and just voted Cheatham and I wouldn't have cared. But trying to be so sneaky and then blatantly lying to me about it is something. And that is that on that. As far as this F3 goes...I'm nervous. I'd love to win final immunity to ensure a spot in finals but really it's a double edged sword. I won like 4 or 5 individual immunities in my last game and jury apparently dragged me saying that's the only reason I made finals. I knew that was not true and hosts did too, but perception is reality. Also, winning forces me to piss off either AM or Cheatham. I really do not need that. I low-key, strategically brought up a F2 to AM at the last vote just to see if she had one with Chris to decide what last rounds best vote was. If she had one with him, I figured she'd sorta brush off mine. If she didn't, I figured she'd be all for it. Well...she didn't tell me I'm her F2 until AFTER Chris was blindsided, so we know what that means. But now..she may have taken mine seriously and be saltier than the Atlantic if I gave her 3rd. What would ultimately be best is for one of the other 2 to win immunity and convince them to take me with. Unless they already have a f2 together, I think this would be easier with AM as I could use the 'Cheatham was the Thrush underdog' and '#GirlPower' on her. But...she's just not the greatest at comps so I feel that's not an option. Cheatham might be more difficult as I know fo sho he's thirsty for a W. He's literally tried taking me out for whatever reason several times. Why would he target me instead of AM if it wasn't for threat purposes? But if he did win, my argument is gonna be that she auto has Chris' vote and literally ZERO blood on her hands with the jury. What else can I use with him? Maybe peeps like Noah rigging immunity for me at merge so that I'd stay loyal and then backstabbing anyway. Salt. OR Liam asking for a F2 (even tho it was lit during Tribal and too late to save himself) and then voting him out. More salt. Honestly though, idk if anything I say would change his mind...so throwing the comp intentionally is risky...risky af...but it could also be the difference in winning/losing. How about that novel? x)

Hello friends. I've made it again. I was hoping that I could win immunity too but I couldn't. TBH, I don't THINK I'm going home this week. Though I very well could, I just don't see it. The way I'm playing this week is how to get a F3 that will take me to F2. My target this week is Austin. Sara told me a lot of shit about Austin so I think it is pretty obvious that she wants him out. Then there is AM who is very quiet but why would she not vote Austin. Hopefully Austin goes and then boom! I'm in F3 and HAVE to win that immunity.

(LATER)

OKAY this is my ENDGAME plans. Out of the four that are left. I'm hoping that I can take AM to F2. Tbh I feel I can defiantly beat Sara and AM. Sara I feel like just wouldn't take me to the end. Austin, though I feel I can beat, also played a really good game. I'm gonna plead my case to the jury like this. I was a target every single week for pre-merge. Every time, they wanted me out. I somehow managed to bounce back each time. I was unanimously Petrels target come swap/merge and I lasted through that. I gained a lot of peoples trust which was shown in the Captaincy immunity challenge. I was the vote that decided if Rizo was to go or not. And when it came time, I told him that. I tried my best to play an honest game. I was able to get the Idol and had it for 5 rounds without anyone voting it out of me. I was able to get everyone to take out Noah because I saw him as the biggest threat in the game. For Vincents week, I somehow convinced Sara and AM that the whole thing was Vincents idea and he made me believe that I needed to vote out Sara. EVEN AFTER I literally just used an idol to get Sara out. AND convinced Vincent to come BACK to me and vote Sara out .hats pretty badass. On Chris' week, once again I decided who goes home and I picked the right way if that means that I end up in F2. Every week, I had to FIGHT to be there. That is something that I don't think a lot of people had to do. I always came close to winning immunitys, if I didn't win. And proved that I'm not only a strong social player, but also a strong comp competitor.

IM HERE IM HERE IM HERE IM FINALLY HERE!!! FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I CANT BELIEVE IT I REALLY CANT BELIEVE IT OMG. THIS IS MAKING ME LOSE MY MIND IM SO HAPPY! I never thought I would make it this far into the game, and I'm so excited for the possibility of f3. People are telling me that they're voting Austin, but it's been awfully quiet. I'm scared that the silence is a sign, but I hope that I'm just being paranoid. I'm just happy to be here.

3 votes Austin, 1 vote AnnMarie.

well, here we are, final 3. I guess this is where my game ends. Sara just won immunity and after I plead my case and my feelings are basically crushed. She rubs a little salt in the wound by telling me a move that I messed up on. Vincent wasn't the one who told Sara and AM about the vote switch. It was Austin. It just really frustrating how this game played out. I worked my motherfucking ass off. It seems like I did it for nothing. This is my last org for hopefully a long while and I was hoping I'd get that edit of "Underdog Villain Wins the Season and Leaves the Hateful Community" and I didn't get that edit. I'm not gonna get that edit. I spent the entire first half of this game as the "Other vote" all people wanted to do was blindside me/ get me out. I had a breakdown early on in the game (def wasn't my last one) where I wanted to quit the game. The guy that I was falling in love with broke my heart, my job was chaotic, I was getting SHIT ON on discord, was doing endurance comp after endurance comp and there was no pay off, was failing my classes, was losing friendships, and all I wanted to do was quit. But I didn't and I kept going. I kept playing my ass off and it sucks to be out played. Im a sore. loser. TRUST ME I KNOW. But to come this far and still lose, it fucking sucks, Yes, this is just a game. I get it. Log off, quit, do whatever you need to do to not let it control your life. I can't DO THAT though. I love orgs! This is the kind of stuff that I always wanted to do! I have a lot of stuff to work on within myself. I know. But for right now, all I want to do is win. And I'm almost positive that its not gonna happen. I don't even think that Im gonna get POTS. Just sucks to put so much effort into something with zero pay off. Anyways. I guess I'll see y'all sometime. Much love.                                                                                             - The Villain

Did I just do THAT?!? Force myself to finals!? I know this sounds sappy and cheesy over an online game...but my entire life I've been really underestimated..for multiple reasons, so it feels great to be able to prove myself in any situation. No, I haven't won...but have at least dragged myself as far as you can go in this game. Now it's [semi] out of my hands. But now is the hard part... Who do I take with me!? I literally went to sleep last night wanting to take Cheatham. I woke up this morning wanting to slap myself in the face for thinking that. Now I want to take AM. The perk to taking AM is that I 100% feel that my game was superior. I also 'technically' asked her for a f2, though on my end it was more strategic as mentioned in an earlier confessional. However, I still do not like breaking F2s if avoidable. But she did also tell me she'd have taken Cheatham to finals over me so... And the perk to taking Cheatham is that I feel like he's more deserving of finals and winning (or losing) against him would feel much better than the other option. But is it worth breaking the f2, especially when AM was probably slightly more loyal to me? I know she said my name once too, but Cheatham said it multiple times AND tried to freaking idol me out! Even after all of that I was willing to work with him and saved him a couple rounds...but when is enough, enough??

Wow. I cannot believe I am finally here at the very end. This is so shocking to me. I have never gotten this far before in any game, so I am just so excited. I am so happy that Sara decided to take me with her to the end, but I know for a fact that I have a very small chance of winning this. I really need to get on track and figure out how to talk like a normal human being so I can win over the jury, any way I can. Making that video for right of passage was so pointless (although it was super fun to make). It was not what Sara and Cheatham had done. I really wish I would have done the doc to at least clarify what the hell I actually did in this game. In reality, I truly think I just played for a hell of a good time, and I had a hell of a good time, because it was a hell of a good time. You know what isn't a hell of a good time? Not being at the end with Cheatham. It would have been so fun, and I think it would be a little easier for me to talk. I think that speaking to the jury with Sara will get me a bit nervous. I am not the most articulate person, so going up against Sara concise speaking will ruin meeeee. But I will be extremely happy if Sara wins. She honestly deserves it.

Cheatham becomes the final member of the jury.

#announcement

[survivorsentinelislands]

EPISODE 14 (FINALE): IT’S BEEN A LONG ROAD, BUT HERE WE ARE ~Ned

WHEW I KNEW I NEEDED THAT IDOL!!! BLESS NED!! I NEGATED 3 VOTES AGAINST ME, MY VOTE WAS NEGATED, AND JOSH WENT HOME WITH NED'S ONE VOTE! I wish we had taken out Keegan out instead now but we were trying to have faith that he was with us. What a dumb idea oops. Anyways now I need to figure out how to make sure Ned and I make FTC together. We're doing ROP now so it's probably going to be an F3.

So right now my plan is that Ned and I go to Carson and I make the case that 1) if Keegan goes to the end he's winning this game because he'll probably get Daisy, Josh, and Darian and all he needs is one more vote

2) one of us (Ned and I) are guaranteed a spot in the F3 and since ROP is now it's probably an F3, so if we go to F3 individually we probably win because we'll get Coffey, Sara, Alex, definite and we just need one more but if we go together those votes will be split up among the two of us and it'll make it more likely that the other person will win

3) Carson will probably get those votes Daisy, Josh, and Darian and probably Keegan especially since people are mad at us for working together so closely and don't want to vote for us

4) if he doesn't vote with us we'll just vote for him and go to firemaking and he goes home because Ned and I can beat him probably

If I think of any more I'll add them here but right now those are some 4 solid reasons I think. I really do think that it's going to turn out that Ned wins immunity and I need to go to firemaking but like damn I don't want to. I really need to win immunity

So, after last tribal, where I voted Sam with Josh and Carson, I had some damage control to do. I made up a pretty easily believable lie that I knew about Carson's vote negator (I didn't), and had no other option but to vote Sam (i did have other options). I think it worked. Both Sam and Ned said they understood my situation and they would have done similar things (except I wasn't in any situation except wanting to vote out Sam). So, as long as Carson doesn't win immunity, I should be good to make finals. If I win immunity, I'll be so happy and have another good point to bring to my final speech.

If I don't win and Carson doesn't win, I'm fairly certain Sam, Ned and myself will continue to stick together and vote out Carson. And I think that's the best option for me at this point. If I try to make a big move and force a tie breaker between Carson and Sam/Ned, it might not look great to the jury. Josh and Carson know that I intentionally tried to vote out Sam, so maybe it would actually make me look good to say "Hey, I did what I had to eliminate a big threat"

I'm not sure. I think it all just comes down to who wins immunity and I'll take it from there. Victory is so close I can practically taste it.

So Keegan flipped on us to vote out Sam, but thanks to my Idol, we got the vote switched around and Josh went home instead. Now we're worried about a 2v2 and fire-making tiebreaker, but hopefully we've convinced Keegan and Carson to vote against each other. Keegan will rue the day he betrayed us.

Apparently Ned talked to Carson and wants to vote out me. What a little snake.

Carson came to me and told me, so I don't think he's going to just vote with Ned. I really hope that's not the case. I'd hate to be voted out this close to the end

GOD i think i almost went bc i blindly put trust in ned, someone who never trusted me

im so happy i talked to keegan, and we compared what ned told us. ned told keegan to vote me, and told me to vote keegan. so, from what i think, keegan and i are gonna vote ned to try and save ourselves, bc we dont know if theyre voting me or him.

ive gone in a 2-1-1 vote because i blindly put trust in someone i shouldnt've trusted. i dont wanna make that same mistake again

So we're at final 4 and I don't remember what the last thing I talked about was so I'll just recap real quick. Last tribal Carson used his vote negator on me so it meant there were only 4 votes. And he convinced Keegan to vote for me by saying that if Keegan votes Josh with us it will end up tying and he wasn't changing his vote on the revote. At least that's what Keegan told me after I played the idol that Ned gave me and negated the 3 votes against me sending Josh home with Ned's 1 vote. So obviously after getting votes 2 tribals in a row I decided I really need to DO WORK on this immunity challenge and guess what? I FUCKING WON IMMUNITY!!! This logic puzzle drove me insane because I put the wrong thing in one spot and it fucked me up for so long but thankfully it was okay and I still won. I knew my only competition would be Keegan because Ned said he couldn't finish and if Ned wasn't finishing I didn't think Carson would be either.

So anyways, right after last tribal Ned went and made his case to Carson to try to get him on our side and wanted to get him against Keegan. We decided that it would be better to get rid of Keegan now because 1) he's more of a jury threat than Carson, 2) he's more likely to beat either of us in a tie breaker and 3) if it turns out to be a final 2 he might be more likely to beat us in that immunity challenge. I don't mind keeping Keegan around in the F2 scenario just because I think that Keegan would pick me over Ned but I'm not positive? I think I talk to him more than Ned but also he might think of me as more of a threat than Ned so I'm not positive what he would do. But anyways we decided we wanted to get rid of him and him flipping on us made it a lot easier, too.

But I was sitting here talking to Keegan and then he asks me to be totally honest with him and tell him if I'm voting for him. I told him I needed to confirm with Ned but I thought it would be Carson. Then Keegan tells me that he heard from Carson that Ned was coming for him. Carson had sent him all of the screenshots and some pasted receipts and stuff of their whole conversation. Lucky for us, Ned talked to Carson right after tribal (3/1) and I was able to say maybe he didn't still feel that way today (3/5). So I talked to Ned and I told him all of this stuff and we decided that Carson's big snake mouth has just screwed him over. Carson also came to me and asked me to vote for Keegan so I said 'yeah, definitely' because what else do you say? So then Carson went and told Keegan that I was trying to convince him to vote for Keegan? Which I was able to be like 'ha no here's what he said' and sent Keegan the actual receipts so Keegan and I were like 'yup Carson's snake ass gotta go.' Hopefully Keegan really is voting for Carson with us because it'll be easier than going to a tiebreaker but the only good thing about voting for Carson is that if it does go to a tiebreaker Ned will destroy him probably hopefully.

Chances are, I'm not winning this final immunity challenge, unless by some miracle I get first in the Wingoball, Speed and Memory parts.

The next part is convincing whoever does win immunity that I'm the best option to take to FTC. Honestly that shouldn't be too hard.

It will be pretty easy to convince whoever wins that Alex, Darian, Daisy and Carson will never vote for me. They might but I've screwed them over, Sam and Ned both know it. That's a huge chunk of the jury I seemingly won't get votes from.

I think I can be pursuasive enough to make finals. I'd hate to be the Cirie of the season.

So because of my challenge win, Sam and I are the Final 2. It's been a long road, but here we are, standing at the end of it. I'm so proud of us for making it this far, and I'm even happier about making such a great friend. No matter who wins, I'm going to be ending my ORG career (as of now) on a high note, and I couldn't be more ecstatic. SNED FOREVER!

Oh my gosh I've been meaning to write a confessional for approximately forever now. So I was really hoping for a final 3 but when seeing the logic puzzle and Drew's wording I kind of figured it would be a final 2 and I was right. So that sucked. This 5 part challenge was TERRIBLE! LIKE ABSOLUTELY AWFUL! We had to run up and down steps and it took me FOREVER! I was late to work because of it! And to quote Steffen from Westeros "I Hate This Dang Wing Bawz." I finished the game like 12 times and I was so mad that it didn't give me anything extra so I complained about it in my host chat and Drew was like "oh I don't know I've never finished the game" like excuse the fuck out of me. I actually finished the game yet his score was still like hundreds higher than mine. Fuck him. Fuck all of his stupid challenges. We had to do some dumb ass endurance and I hate it. The steps is basically endurance so we basically had 2 endurance challenges. The only good parts were the stupid quiz and the knight moves. I love knight moves and I'm pretty good with memory stuff. I did however make a full on spreadsheet of everything I thought might be on there. Wanna take a guess at how much of that stuff was there? 1 question. I had every challenge, the winners, who was on every tribe, when people were voted out and how many votes they received and how many other people received. The only good part is that I was able to know where things were on the blog to find them a bit faster. Then I just love Knight Moves, it's so fun.

But yeah this challenge sucked and the worst part about it I think is the fact that it was imperative that Ned or I won. But honestly, I was really fucking hoping that Ned would be the one who won. I was pretty positive that Ned would pick me without a though but I didn't want to have to make that decision. Obviously everyone knows that Ned and I are super tight but I have also felt very close to Keegan. His name never really came up but if it had I would have fought my ass off to save him because he is someone that I never want to have to vote out. Winning immunity would be incredible because it would guarantee that I make it to final 2 but also like fuck I don't want to have to vote out Keegan. But I would have to because voting out Ned would be AWFUL for my game. We have been a duo this whole game and people know that so voting him out at the end means that I couldn't say that I've stayed loyal to people who were loyal to me and I would just look absolutely heartless. I'm pretty positive I'd win against both of them because I have ran this game. Like I did that. I really did that all game. With Ned, I would need to be able to prove that we didn't do things together but instead that I was the driving force between the duo but with Keegan I would also need to deal with the fact that this jury probably hates me and who doesn't love Keegan? Like he's just so nice and sweet and it would break my heart to be the one to crush his chances at winning.

So I was ecstatic when Ned won but I felt awful for Keegan. I hadn't heard from him in a day or so and then Ned just voted immediately so he didn't even really have a chance to plead his case or anything. I think that was probably good for me but also I feel awful for him. But that does mean that Ned and I did that! We have played this game together since day 1 and now we've actually done that! We made it together to final 2! I am just so proud of us and I'm so happy for Ned! I know he's done with ORGs after the games he's in now and the fact that he made it to the end of both of them with ride or day since day 1 in both I'm just so proud of him. I'm also really happy that he decided he wanted to work with me. Looking back at the beginning I was nervous that he wouldn't want to work with me because he knows my game. He knows I can be ruthless and he knows I can manipulate and deceive people but he also knows that I can be extremely loyal. So like I'm just glad that he didn't take a past game into consideration and decided to stick with me. We've been through every single tribe together and every tribal council we went to we were always on the same page. I'm just hoping that I can convince the jury that even though we were always on the same page, I am the one who told Ned how to vote. We were both in the car going to the same place but I was in the driver's seat. Ned was just my passenger that I dragged along for the ride. Now I just gotta convince the jury of that.