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songmingisthighs · 3 months

Text

Lonely Breeze

group : ateez

pairing : poly!yungi × reader

genre : angst, hurt/comfort

wc : 3.1 k

tw : angst, poly relationship, heavy stuff maybe; relationship issues, psychological issues, mentions of blood (injury), mentions of anxiety, ngl I'm just rambling at this point so if this is not your thing, pls skip lol.

a/n : this is why i don't listen to anything produced by mingi. I'm textbook kubler-ross every single time and idk how to feel about it. and yea i wrote this in 2 hours

buy me coffee ?

It had been three days since you ran away.

Can it be counted as running away? You're a full-grown adult with intact mental faculties and 'running away' sounds rather juvenile.

Life had gotten too hard and you were overwhelmed. Despite having wonderful boyfriends like Yunho and Mingi, this time you truly didn't know what to do but you knew that you had to get out of there before you completely exploded.

To be honest, Yunho and Mingi were one of the reasons you had to run away.

It was nothing against them per se but you felt bad for having to always rely on them all the time.

The three of you met on the cusp of adulthood, at a dance academy workshop. The three of you didn't mean to join that joint workshop because each of you was from different area branches of the academy but you all just clicked. From then, you and they planned your lives together even down to which university you three will attend. But it wasn't until nearing the senior year that you three decided to pursue a romantic relationship. You still remembered it like it was yesterday. How you, Mingi, and Yunho join your other friends on a countryside trip to celebrate the end of the 6th semester only to find out that the cabin was at maxed capacity so you three had to rent a small, dusty place on your own. Little did you know, you, Yunho and Mingi had each planned separately to come clean about your feelings. You were the first to confess after having a particularly tiring clean-up session (just so you won't inhale the dust that had accumulated in the cabin), accidentally telling them how you could see the three of you in your 30s cleaning the apartment you will share together. You remembered the dread that washed down on you when Mingi asked what you meant. Like the reliable pillar he is, Yunho was the one who helped you calm yourself down and told you that he could see the same thing, how he felt the same way about you and Mingi. Then Mingi confessed his own feelings and from then on, you three were even more inseparable than you had ever been before.

While it surprised people that the three of you decided to commit to a relationship that was far from orthodox, no one was really fazed. Everyone who knew the three of you had at least assumed you three were sleeping together which was why no one approached either one of you romantically all through university.

Some called it fate, some called it dedication.

You believed in the former more than the latter.

But recently?

You feared that you had trapped them.

Maybe it was a quarter-life crisis but you suddenly felt nauseous at the thought of your life. It wasn't like things were falling apart. On the contrary, the pieces of your life were finally falling into place; you were starting to really shine at work, and you were finally able to start saving whilst resolving some of your financial issues. Your relationship with your boyfriends was even at its peak, there was more love than the three of you ever needed and you three were beyond happy.

Then one day, one day a week ago, things crashed down on you.

You didn't know what it was, you didn't know what caused it, but you suddenly couldn't breathe. You remembered holding onto the bathroom sink while your body trembled, tears streaming down your face like a busted faucet and you couldn't move. The cool bathroom suddenly felt suffocating and the sound of your boyfriends laughing just on the other side of the door felt deafening. It took you a long while to break free from that state and you only managed to do so because Mingi had knocked on the bathroom door asking for you to let him in because he needed to use the bathroom. That night, you found yourself unable to sleep and even finding their presence too much for you to handle even after switching position with Mingi so you could be at the edge. You had slipped away and cried yourself to sleep on the couch, sobbing silently until fatigue took over.

That whole week you were distant until three days ago when you came home from work to see a note on the table from Yunho who let you know that they were out for a bit to get something special for you.

One second you were pouring yourself a glass of water to calm your trembling hands and the next, you were in a train with a duffle bag heading to the countryside, cradling your hand that had a gash and fresh dried blood.

When you arrived at the dark and lonely cabin, you finally broke down, wailing into the emptiness as you hugged yourself in the middle of the room.

Neither of them was aware of what happened.

Or so you thought.

The first person who noticed how distant you became was Yunho. He had sensed that something was wrong since that day in the bathroom. He could never forget the look on your face as you stepped out. Your usually lively eyes were empty and you didn't even react when Mingi pressed a kiss on your forehead. At first, he thought that you might have had a bad day and that you were just not in the mood but as the days passed, you seemed more silent and distant. Yunho wanted to ask what was wrong but he didn't want to make it seem like he was prying so he tried to let you know that he was there for you in different ways; soft touches, words of affirmation, little presents in the form of your favourite drink or plans of going on a trip. He wanted you to have all the space you needed.

Mingi on the other hand immediately jumped into worrying about you. Suddenly he kept texting about your whereabouts and your feelings. He had even asked if he should pick you up early from work and even showed that he was already in front of your building. Mingi knew what it felt like to be all alone stuck in a headspace and it had taken him so long and finally relent, letting you and Yunho pull him out and believing you two that you were there for him. So he wanted to repay all that especially since you were the one who gently washed his tear-stained face and slowly fed him until he regained his own strength. He remembered the pit and he didn't like the idea of you being there.

So when they were met with an empty apartment the day you left, they went into panic mode. The sight of a couple droplets of blood near the broken glass and your work bag thrown carelessly on the couch was enough to send them into a frenzy and sadly, they even turned on each other.

Yunho wanted to calm himself and Mingi down first because neither of them even knew what happened and where you had gone to while Mingi, pointing that out, stated that they both needed to catch you before you could even go far. Then they fought over the fact that they were fighting when they should be looking for you and it ended with Mingi leaving the apartment when Yunho ran into your shared room, trying to charge his phone to see if you had contacted either of them.

Essentially, the three of you were alone at that moment in time. Nothing made sense and none of you had any ways of getting an answer.

You were alone in the cabin, crying your eyes out about... Nothing. You felt stupid for feeling bad over your life that was going rather well and you felt bad for leaving your boyfriends without an explanation. It was simple, you could've simply grabbed the phone and texted either one of them to let them know... Something. You could tell them that you needed time alone. But do you really? You could tell them that you were sorry. But were you really? You could tell them that you were overwhelmed and that they were not making your situation any better by being so supportive. But were they really? You felt like you were not worthy to even send them a text because who the fuck were you to be acting like that and then asking for understanding?

Mingi was running around aimlessly with worry sitting deep in the pit of his stomach. He had gone to several of your friends' places, friends you trusted who wouldn't blab about your disappearance. He hated being in a state of not knowing because he felt helpless. He hated being helpless. Mingi was not a helpless person so he didn't want to be associated with the feeling. First things first, he had to find you. But where could you be? Why had he never taken the time to ask you places you wanted to go to, thinking that you had gone alone because he was too busy with himself. Seeds of doubt planted by the negativity of the situation started sprouting its ugliness. Was your leaving his fault? Was he too self-involved to not have taken the time to dedicate his attention to you once in a while? Was he taking too much of Yunho and your attention? His head hurts.

Yunho, in defeat, slumped against the bed you three shared. Your pillar, your rock finally broke down and with each sob, his mind found it even harder to make sense of things. All the decision in his life was made on a strong foundation, Yunho was a sure man, and he didn't regret the choices he made and the path he took. But was he too sure of himself this time? Out of the three of you, Yunho was always the tie-breaker because he makes his decisions carefully and with logic. He never found any reason to resent that part of him until you left. Did he miss something? Were there signs that you had needed a different kind of treatment? Had he gotten too overconfident this time? Had his so-called level-headedness cost him something important?

Whatever it was you hoped could happen or appear by running away alone never came. Each hour you spent trying to make sense of things or finding a way to calm yourself only made it clear that you were all alone.

Dark thoughts started plaguing your brain, skewing your happy memories into something that was far from reality. The memories you had of banding together into a trio with Yunho and Mingi turned into fear that maybe you had inserted yourself into their friendship. After all, they found themselves together first before you bumped into Yunho and told him how you were alone, effectively guilt-tripping him. The thought of how they have always had your back turned into anxiety that maybe you had leaned on them too much. You relied on them more than you should and now you were a burden to them. The things you told them, should you have told them? Especially the dark ones, the ones that stemmed from your bad mental state. Were you manipulating them without realizing it? Were your promises of the future even really promises? How could you be sure that it wasn't you pressuring your expectations to them?

It had been three days. Were you still alone because they thought you were better off alone? That they too, needed time away from you? Maybe you never needed your own space, maybe it was your subconscious telling you that you needed to give them space from you.

Loud bangs broke the train of thought and the more you came back to reality, the more you recognized the voices.

"Mingi?" you inhaled sharply, seeing the face of one of your lovers on the window as he banged the wall.

Thinking that you were hallucinating, you turned your head away and stood up. There was no way he could be there.

More bangs were heard and when you turned around again, you saw both Mingi who was now with Yunho staring at you from the window.

"(y/n), open up!" Yunho called out.

Normally, you would register his voice as is but your brain, in its unstable state, thought that he was demanding you to let him in. Mingi too, though he was only standing there looking at you, sending knocks on the window as he wanted to hold you once again, your brain took that as him glaring at you and being in fury.

Anxiety shot up and your head shook violently. "N-no..." you whimpered, bottom lip trembling as you took a step back only to trip on a carpet and fall.

The sight of you on the floor caused Mingi and Yunho to abandon all reasons and logic and all they wanted to do was to help you. They started banging and trying to pry the door open, needing to get inside to be there for you but all it did was send you into a deeper spiral without them realizing. Your body curled into a ball while they were yelling for you to open the door. The more you heard them, the worse you felt and before you knew it, you were yelling for them to leave you be, leave you alone, you didn't deserve them.

It wasn't until you started yelling at how you should have never burdened yourself on them that they stopped banging on the door. Their eyes welled with tears hearing the things, untrue things, you hurled at yourself. It hurt them to hear you think so low of yourself like that. You were everything to them, you were something so precious and special and to think that you believe they would be better without you, it was like a serrated knife had been plunged into their hearts multiple times.

"That's not true (y/n), please..." Mingi rested his forehead on the door as his eyes closed slowly, letting tears wet his cheeks, "Please let me in, I... We... (y/n), please," he whimpered.

Looking around, Yunho remembered that the owner of the cabin had told him about a spare key a long time ago. Thinking that it was worth a shot, Yunho was glad to see that there was still a key hidden under the cushion of the porch lounger.

You were too busy bawling to realize that Yunho had opened the door successfully which was a good thing because had you realized, you would have done something stupid like run out into the field in the cold January breeze.

Mingi tried to rush inside only for Yunho to stop him, holding onto his arm as he watched you cry with a broken heart.

"Yunho, wha-"

Wordlessly, Yunho pulled Mingi down to sit in the doorway while maintaining his gaze on you.

Though confused, Mingi followed along, sitting down and looking between Yunho and you.

"We should go in there. She needs us," Mingi said, voice cracking as he shook Yunho slightly, trying to convince him to go inside. He knew he could definitely go inside himself, but for some reason, he felt like he shouldn't.

For once, Yunho didn't give any explanation and just shook his head one more time. Soon, however, his hand took one of Mingi's and they sat there with you with hands linked, waiting for you to... Well, they weren't sure what they were waiting for but they were sure they would understand soon.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You must have passed out from crying because you remembered feeling cold and alone but the moment you came to again, you realized that this time, you were... Warm.

Sitting up, you noticed that the skies outside were dark and when you turned your body around, you saw Yunho and Mingi attending to the fireplace. The cabin was dark save for the illumination provided by the warm fire.

It took a bit of time for your eyes to adjust but when your eyes really focused, you noticed that Mingi was holding onto your favourite blanket that you forgot to bring. How did they even got inside?

For a moment, you only watched them do their thing, comfortably sitting in silence as if enjoying conversation done by the soft crackles of the fireplace.

Mingi felt something on the back of his neck and when he turned his body slightly, he saw that you were staring at him with puffy eyes. His instinct told him to run to you and envelop you in a hug and tell you how worried he was and how much he regretted things that he thought he did. But his better judgement stopped him from making a move forward. Instead, he cracked a gentle smile and ducked his head down, carefully opening your folded blanket as a silent invitation.

Your body moved automatically towards him and before you knew it, you were suddenly sat in between Mingi and Yunho.

While Mingi draped you with your blanket, Yunho made final adjustments on the firewood before he sat down close to you and even moved so that you and he were shoulder-to-shoulder.

You were sure that they were going to ask what happened, what was wrong with you, why you ran away. But minutes passed and all there was was... Silence. You were sure that when you saw them again you'd be anxious because you had to explain yourself but all you felt was a sense of calm. It was rather ridiculous but you could feel the anxiety melting off of your body.

"I'm tired," finally you opened up even though your voice cracked due to how hoarse your throat felt. "I'm so tired," you exhaled as you closed your eyes, your bottom lip trembling once again.

This time, Yunho moved to sidle even closer to you so he could guide your head gently to rest on his chest. "You... Can you find it in your heart... To rest in mine?" Yunho spoke up finally, voice cracking as well. Mingi then moved closer until he was able to wrap his hands around your waist whilst leaning his head on Yunho's strong shoulder, effectively caging you securely between them. "You can rest in our hearts, love," he added, ducking to press a gentle kiss on your shoulder.

Nothing else needed to be said because nothing else should. The three of you had been through so much together in your youth that it felt like you were all alone. But, with the stars as your witness and the fire as your companion, you realized something that was always true. Even lonely, you were always together and your inadequacies made you whole. While pain exists and will always find its way back to remind you of your faults, it allows you to remember who and what you are, but most importantly, what you now have from that.

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sluttyten · 7 months

Text

You In My Arms

Chapter 9: The Moment

full masterlist || haechan masterlist || YIMA chapter index

summary: the moment finally comes when all the build-up of tension between you and Haechan is released

length: 11,371 words

tags: friends to lovers, general perversion, smut, public sex, slight degradation, slight daddy kink, slight spanking

previous chapter || next chapter

You feel boneless.

Warm, satisfied, like a star just after supernova.

Relaxed.

Haechan pulls the keys from your car’s ignition, still staring at you with the same look of awe as he’s been giving you since you came just moments ago with his name spilling from your lips while you looked at him.

You weren’t joking when you told him you might explode if you don’t fuck him tonight.

Ever since he picked you up for this date, you’ve been overwhelmed with lust. You’re sure you’re just extra horny because of hormones, the stage of your monthly cycle you’re in at the moment. But there’s something extra about tonight that’s got you feeling this way. Maybe it’s just the general excitement of going on a date finally with Haechan. The excitement of finally knowing that the feelings you’ve been having for years are actually reciprocated.

You’d had moments of doubt.

Mostly after you told your roommate that Haechan was taking you out. She’d laughed and said, “You're joking,” which had been enough to enter a seed of doubt into your mind, especially when her following few sentences were her trying to back up her disbelief. She’d pointed out the years of friendship that had been absolutely nothing more than just that. She’d pointed out that she thought you two had fucked that time he’d slept over, and she’d figured that it had been a drunken romp and you’d gotten over your crush on him. She’d told you that she assumed that Haechan had just fucked you that time because you’d both been drunk and you had probably thrown yourself at him, and he was a red-blooded male who had been known in school as something of a man-whore.

There also was now a bitter edge to any words shared with your roommate. Her general shitting on your happiness over this date had stuck with you.

So there had been some doubt.

But looking at Haechan tonight throughout the date, all your doubts had been erased.

He didn’t look at you the way that people who only wanted to fuck looked.

And right now, as you feel like you could sink into the material of this seat, remnants of pleasure zipping over your skin and through your veins like little shimmers of stardust, you know that he’s just as thoroughly obsessed with you as you are with him. You more than want him. You more than like him.

You’ve come to know Haechan better and better over the years. Your crush has developed from a silly first-impression crush, to a real crush with feelings and reasons behind it, to genuinely liking him, and now….

You don’t want to say it.

But it feels like what comes after like.

“Are you just going to keep looking at me?” Haechan teases after too long of the two of you just gazing at each other. “Or are we going upstairs so I can fuck you before you explode, like you requested.”

“Fuck you.” You turn your head away, sitting up. You wipe your hand surreptitiously on the inside of your skirt, pulling your clothes back into place. “Aren’t you going to be nice to me, Haechan? This is our first date, so shouldn’t you be, like, opening my door for me?”

He grins, passing your car keys over to you as he opens his door and climbs out. You watch him walk around the car, and he does indeed open your door for you. He even holds his palm out for you to slide your fingers into.

The journey from beside your car up to the door of your apartment is a total blur. Your hand is anchored in Haechan’s, and that sweet summery scent that is cemented in your mind as belonging to Haechan clouds your thoughts.

He kisses you against your apartment door. Your back presses against the outside of it, bitterly cold wind blowing through the open stairwell, but for the moment you don’t care with his warm body covering yours and his fiery kisses stirring up an internal heat that reaches to your fingers and toes. You would be happy to just stand there, kissed utterly breathless against the door, if it weren’t for the boom of a door shutting on a floor above you, the clamor of footsteps descending the stairs.

You fumble for the lock on your door, trying to unlock it without truly breaking the kiss, but you have to peel yourself away from Haechan to look down. Not that it deters him; Haechan kisses your cheek, your ear, your jaw, your throat.

The door flies open behind you just as your upstairs neighbor reaches your floor.

They catch a glimpse of Haechan laughing, his arms caged around you, his legs halfway twisted with yours as the pair of you stumble and nearly fall into your apartment. You kick the door shut behind you, but you’re already moving away from it. Your fingers are twisted in Haechan’s coat to strip it from his shoulders, both of you nearly trip over your shoes as you slip them off while you move towards your bedroom.

It’s like a race to see which of you can get naked first.

Haechan loses his coat and his pants in the time it takes you to pull off the hat, scarf, jacket, and the top you were wearing. His hands burn icily against your sides when they meet bare skin, his fingers still chilly from the cold outside.

“Shit, Haechan. Warm up before you touch me.” You gasp against his lips, grabbing his hands to press them between the warmth of your palms.

He laughs, drawing his hands away as the pair of you pass through your bedroom door, and he leans down to tug his socks off. You peel the long skirt down your legs, stepping out of the puddle of it, and you stand there in front of Haechan with nothing on but a pair of tall socks that have slouched down around your ankles, and those are soon gone too.

Haechan stares at you, alone in the middle of your bedroom. You’re naked and he’s still standing there in his shirt and his underwear, and under the intensity of his gaze, you feel a little self-conscious.

Just as you go to fold your arms over your chest, Haechan moves forward, reaching for your arms to keep them at your sides.

From there, his right hand drifts to your side, skimming up over the skin covering your ribs — such a featherlight touch that it almost tickles — and then his knuckles come to the curve of your breast. With his left hand, Haechan curls it against your hip, urging your hips forward against him as his other hand cups your breast.

“I’ve thought about your tits,” he admits, his gaze intent on your chest, on the weight of your breast in his hand, on the peaks of your nipples. “Ever since the night when we first slept in the same bed, since the hot tub. You were just lying there, and whatever you were wearing and how you were positioned, I could just see your tits perfectly. I remember thinking,” he pauses to lick his lips before continuing, “How badly I wanted to touch them, to have them in my mouth. You smelled so nice too, that the next morning I just about jerked off with my face buried in the pillow you slept on. My pillow.”

Your face glows with heat. His thumb passes over your nipple, and a zing of arousal shoots to your belly.

“Can I tell you something?” You ask, feel your legs tremble slightly.

Haechan nods, his eyes following the way that he circles his thumb right around your nipple.

“That night, when you were downstairs jerking off while watching Shotaro and his girlfriend, while I was upstairs getting myself off too…” You remember cumming around your fingers that night, thinking of him, breathing in the smell of him embedded in those sheets, and just how you’d mingled yours with his. “I thought of you that night. I was in your bed, the sheets and the pillow smelled like you which made it so easy, and after I’d cum, when I was still just lying there with my head on your pillow, my nose buried there and breathing you in, I decided to see how we might smell together.”

Now, Haechan finally looks up, his eyes on yours. “And?”

“And my fingers were so wet and slick, so I wiped them on your pillowcase. To smell us together.” Your heart races with the admission.

Haechan groans.

Then he stoops, both of his arms going beneath your thighs, and he lifts you in his arms, moving towards your bed just a few feet away. He drops you down onto it, covers your lips with his again.

This kiss is slow. It’s filthy as he opens you slowly, exploring every inch of your mouth. Your knees squeeze against his sides as Haechan drops his hips forward.

“That is so gross,” he moans, “And so hot. I wondered why the fuck my pillow smelled so good. It didn’t make sense for it to just be your shampoo. It didn’t make sense why I was so turned on just by smelling what I thought was your shampoo, but now, babe, I really need an actual taste of you.”

Haechan pulls away, leaving you on your back on your bed. You watch him walk back over towards your bedroom door. He flicks the switch by the door, flooding your bedroom with light, and then he swings the door shut.

He’s standing there in a tshirt and tight underwear, lust burning in his eyes. You sit up to look at him just the same way as he’s looking at you, to watch as he reaches down and lifts the bottom of his shirt up. He reveals his stomach, and your eyes trace the scattered constellation of moles over his belly and ribs, over his chest. Your gaze lingers as his shirt comes up and off, brownish pink nipples revealed, a thin silver chain around his neck. His hair is mussed, sticking up a little silly as his shirt falls to the floor, and you smile.

His hands slide down over his chest and his belly again, and then he tucks his thumbs into the band of his underwear.

“What’s with the striptease?” You whine, shifting into a more comfortable spot in your bed. “I’ve seen your dick before, Haechan. Come on over here.”

His lips cock into a smile. “I forgot. Impending explosion over there, aren’t you?”

His underwear drops, and Haechan takes a step forward, striding towards you confidently.

You bite your lip, sinking onto your elbows, and then as Haechan slinks onto the bed on his hands and knees, crawling over you, you reach for him. He covers your body with his, pressing you flat into your sheets, all bare skin on bare skin, and when he kisses you, it’s not on the lips. His mouth is soft and gentle at your throat. Your fingers drag along his shoulders, down his back along his spine, and when Haechan sucks at your throat, lightly pinching the sensitive skin between his teeth, your fingers dig into his ass.

“Haechan,” you moan, a shiver of pleasure working its way through you.

He laughs against your throat. “Say that again. I like the sound of you moaning my name.”

“Mm,” you hum as he licks over your pulse. “Haechan.”

“Again,” he commands, and his kiss drifts down to your chest.

“Haechan,” you sigh, and your fingernails scrape his skin.

Every inch of your skin buzzes, not just the parts that he’s touching. You’ve waited for this, dreamed and fantasized, but none of it lives up to right now. Finally having Haechan skin-to-skin with you, his lips working their way down the space between your ribs, his lips crooking into a smile when his name slips out on another breath. You couldn’t ever truly imagine the high heat rushing beneath your skin as Haechan’s hands move to your thighs, as he slides lower and lower, lips moving past your belly button, as he pushes your thighs up while he fits his body just right and just like that….

“Fuck, Haechan!” You moan, fingers diving into his hair as he lowers his kiss right against your core.

His tongue sweeps through your wetness up to your clit, hands cradling your thighs, angling your pussy towards his face. Haechan tastes you and he keeps going back in for more. He moans as he sucks your clit, as he flicks his tongue, as you continue sighing his name.

Haechan takes his time, savoring your pussy, and you enjoy every second of it. When he progresses from just leaving kisses along your slit to properly licking you out, letting his tongue taste a little deeper, you start moving. You roll your hips, trying to ride his tongue, but Haechan presses his thumbs into your thighs, moaning in protest, trying to pin your hips down.

He jerks his head to the side, scraping his teeth along your sensitive inner thigh, and he bites down.

You yelp, caught off guard but you can’t deny that the burning imprint of his teeth on your thigh turns you on even more.

“Settle down. Be a good girl for me.” Haechan’s tongue soothes over the bite, and he drops a few scattered kisses over your thigh, kissing his way back to your core. “Be patient. You’ve waited long enough.”

“Stop talking,” you whine, pressing your fingers into his hair to try to get his mouth back on your pussy.

One hand lifts to your wrist, and Haechan pulls your hand from his hair to pin it instead against your belly. His other palm applies pressure to one of your thighs making sure you keep it in the position he wants you in as he lowers his head again.

All you can do is say his name, to moan how good it feels, wordless sounds when he moans too and thrusts his tongue deeper, sweet strokes of his tongue that make your world go black for a moment, belly go tight, and that pleasurable tingle you feel throughout your body explodes.

Haechan’s hand twists, quickly tangling his fingers with yours right there against your belly, squeezing as he receives a burst of your taste on his tongue. He keeps going, eating your pussy and all that you give him. He keeps your hips pinned to the bed even though you so badly want to rock your hips against his face to get even more out of this orgasm, but even without it, you’re dazzled and floating in the aftermath. Especially since he doesn’t just stop; Haechan keeps kissing your pussy, sweet little licks against your clit that have the muscles in your thighs twitching.

“Haechan!” You whine, trying to move your free hand down to lace your fingers into his hair, but he grabs that one too. Both of your hands are pinned to your belly as your hips lift up off the bed, rocking against Haechan’s tongue as another wave of bliss rolls through you.

You moan, wrists jerking beneath his hold, but you twist your hands just right so your fingertips reach his hair. He laughs when you tug on that which you can reach, and he draws his mouth away from you.

“No! Don’t stop,” comes the protest from your lips.

He kisses your hip, your belly, mouthing hungrily over your ribs to your tits. Hot lips and tongue, the pinch of his teeth, and he wraps his lips around one of your nipples as you gasp and whimper. You drag a hand over his shoulders and down his spine, the other twisting in his hair, while your thighs squeezing against his hips.

“I fucking—“ Haechan moans against your breast. “I adore you.”

He lifts his head, and you drag his mouth up to yours. Haechan curls one hand behind your neck, his other hand grasps at your thigh, dragging it a little higher as his body settles perfectly between your thighs.

You love it.

You love having Haechan’s body resting against yours, all the heat and softness of skin on skin as you make out with him, as hands explore bodies, as you explore each other entirely. You’re in total bliss.

This is Haechan. Lee Donghyuck, the man you’ve basically been in love with since day one.

And you’re about to have sex with him.

You slide a hand up beneath your pillow, hand searching around, and finally you feel it at your fingertips.

Haechan makes a soft sound of confusion when your hand slips something into his, but when he breaks the kiss to look at what you’ve handed him, he laughs. “A condom. Do you usually keep those beneath your pillow?”

“Wishful thinking.” You gaze up at Haechan as he shifts to kneel between your legs.

He’s gorgeous. It’s ridiculous.

You’ve seen him in various stages of undress over the last several years. But never fully nude in full-lighting. Never at this particular angle, in this particular context. Never with the liberty to drink in every single inch of him. To lower your gaze slowly and hungrily from his eyes, down his chest and belly, to the dark hair around the base of his very hard cock. You can admire the beauty of his thighs, which look invitingly bare, like they’re missing the indent of your teeth or bruises left by your mouth; you can just imagine sucking Haechan’s cock and covering his thighs with hickeys. Not right now, though. Right now your focus drifts elsewhere. You’re free to watch his hands as he wraps one around his dick and the other lifts the condom.

Your belly aches, your mouth waters. You want his cock, to feel his thickness pressing into you. Haechan Is definitely bigger around than any guy you’ve been with within the last few years. Girthier than Renjun and Xiaojun definitely, and with the few guys you’d done anything with while exploring your exhibition kink, the guys at work you’d hooked up with, they’d not been anything to write home about either. But Haechan… decently long, thick around. When you’d had him in your mouth earlier tonight in the car, you’d been pleasantly surprised to feel your jaw ache as you opened wide for him. So you’re certain that he’s going to feel so fucking good inside you.

Haechan tears the condom wrapper with his teeth, then quickly reaches down to put it on.

You’re already pulling him back down over you before he’s fully done.

He resumes his previous position, body pressing you into the bed, his hips fit between your thighs, his mouth on yours. You keep both of your hands in his hair, controlling the kiss as his hands slide along your sides and thighs and tits. And finally he rolls his hips forward, humping against you. His cock slides right against your clit. And then again. Haechan sighs pleasurably into the kiss. He grinds forward, and now you whine again.

“Haechan,” you whine, moan, beg. You need him inside you, sooner rather than later.

Your name is echoed back to you in the same tone of needy desire. And then he asks, “You're gonna be a good girl for me, right? Gonna take my cock and let me touch you however I want?” You nod, but Haechan shakes his head. “Say it for me, angel. Tell me you’re gonna be a good girl for me.”

Heat flashes over your skin, under your skin, everywhere all at once.

“I’m a good girl.” You put on your best face of innocence, fluttering your eyelashes up at him. “I’m a good girl for you, Haechan.”

Haechan’s mouth twitches, like he’s going to say something, but he stops himself and he instead lifts himself up enough that he can watch the moment that he gets a hand on himself and moves forward, guiding his cock. You watch his face as he watches himself, hips pressing forward into the sweet heat of your pussy. Eagerly waiting and welcoming him in, like a good girl should.

Haechan doesn’t take it slow. Not that you want it slow, because you definitely don’t. He thrusts in all at once, and your knees jump up, squeezing his sides, a moan punched from your throat as his thickness stretches you open. One hand in his hair, you tug on his long hair, drawing a similar sounding moan from him, his head dropping forward. He drops back over you, lips seeking yours again.

Your hearts pound together, chests flush while you make out, your bodies rolling together. It’s electric, feeling him everywhere, and your mind is only thinking of Haechan — his smell, his taste, his weight, his cock, his heat, his hands cradling your thighs as he pushes them up to the sides, giving him a little more space to move, the chance to get deeper.

He hisses a little when your fingernails dig into his left thigh, you want him to fuck you harder, deeper, to stay right here against you. In retaliation, he drops his head to your throat, pinching your skin lightly between his teeth. You pull his hair. His breath comes sharp against your throat, and Haechan’s hips snap forward, smacking against your ass. You feel so full as he sinks in as deep as he can, his balls snug against your ass, his hips pressing into your thighs.

“Yeah,” you moan. “Haechan-ah, like that.”

Your hand slides up from his thigh to his ass, fingers pressing into the firm muscle.

“Fuck,” he curses, “You’re taking me so well, babe. So tight around me, it’s like you were made for me.”

Exactly. He fits so well inside you, so wonderfully thick that your pussy has never felt fuller (except the time you tried a really big dildo you bought online). He fills you perfectly, and as Haechan draws back just to push in again, that fact remains true. You cling to his shoulder and his hip, pulling him into you even as he thrusts forward, your pussy squeezes around his cock, and your lips spill his name.

“That’s right,” Haechan moans, “Say my name, and your neighbors are gonna hear. Let them know how I’m making you feel.”

“Haechan!” You cry out, and your mind flashes to your neighbors, like the nosy old lady next door who has loudly complained in the past about the kids living on the second floor who always play in the stairwell, who will leave rude notes slipped under your apartment door if you and your roommate even play music or watch TV too loudly. So she’ll definitely dislike the sound of you moaning Haechan’s name loudly, letting your whole floor know that you’re having a great time.

And then, suddenly, Haechan changes positions, rolling you over on top of him.

“Come on, babe. You were so eager to ride me earlier in the car.” His hair is fluffed out around his face as Haechan looks up at you. “Weren’t you begging to sit on my cock? Show me what you’ve got.”

His hand snaps against your ass, and you jolt into motion. You lift yourself up, hands braced on Haechan’s chest as you begin riding him, pull yourself up his cock just to drop back down. At this new angle, everything feels magnified. A loud, drawn out moan escapes you. You fuck yourself on his cock a few times, riding him like his cock is nothing more than a toy, and then you sink fully down on him, rocking your hips.

“Ah, fuck,” Haechan moans, tipping his head back, his eyes closing. His hand flexes on your thigh, and he opens his eyes again so he’s looking you in the eye as he praises, “I wish you could see yourself right now. You’re always beautiful, but right now, fuck, you’re so pretty, just all…” He lifts his hand from your hip to stroke along your side.

Your pussy throbs when Haechan thumbs over your nipple.

“And the way you feel around me right now….” He moans. “You’re riding my cock so well, angel. I think I could get used to this, let you on top. Maybe sit you in my lap next time we go out to eat with all of our friends, let you keep my cock warm, ride me right there in front of them to show them how much of a good girl you are for me alone.”

Your pussy squeezes around him, increasingly aroused at the idea of doing that. You can imagine it now, a table against your belly, your hands gripping the edge as you roll your ass down into Haechan’s lap. His hands pushing up your skirt, pulling aside your panties, fingers slipping around over your thighs, parting them to either side of his legs as he stuffs you with his cock, lips against your ear as he whispers for you not to make a sound. You can imagine feeling the eyes of the others on you, some of them all too knowingly. Like Renjun and Jaehyun who both know about your thing for public sex, who would see right through any pretenses of innocence.

“Do you like that?” Haechan asks, and he pushes his hands against your bed, pushing upright until his chest is against yours once more, his face right before you. Close enough that he could just dip in and kiss you, but he holds where he is. “I can feel how much you like that. Your cunt is throbbing, sweet angel. And you’re so fucking wet.”

He slips a pair of fingers down between your legs as you move your hips, riding him to your heart’s content. Feeling his fingers damp and slick on your clit only magnifies what you’re feeling, and you whine.

“What?” Haechan asks, his mouth tilting in a smirk. “Tell me, angel. What do you want?”

You lean in, going for a kiss, but Haechan pulls his head back.

“Ah, ah.” He shakes his head. “Tell me what you want. Use your words.”

“Fuck you,” you whimper, with absolutely no bite behind the words.

“Oh? Is that what you want?” He laughs. “I don’t think we’re prepared for that, babe. Maybe next time.”

You frown and whine, “That’s not what I meant!”

And you push at his shoulders.

Haechan just laughs again, and it creates a whole new sensation.

All you want is to kiss him and to cum. Your climax feels so close right now. And you know Haechan knows that. He just wants to hear you say it.

“Haechan,” you whine, “I wanna cum. I’m close. So close, if you just…”

He pinches your clit between his fingers. “Ask nicely. Don’t just beg for it.”

You dig your nails in at his shoulders, and Haechan hisses, but not in pain.

“Kiss me,” you cry out, rocking yourself in his lap, on his cock. “Can you please kiss me, Haechan? Can I please cum?”

A bright heat burns behind Haechan’s gaze. “Go on then, babe. If you want it so bad, just take it.”

So you do.

You sling one arm around his shoulders, behind his neck, and you crush your mouth to his. Haechan eagerly opens up to the kiss, his tongue darting out to tangle with yours, and at first it’s a little bit uncoordinated as you rise up on your knees, pussy tight around his cock, and you drop back down. Kissing him while riding him, aiming for your climax, has you moaning into the kiss, biting at Haechan’s bottom lip. His hands grip your hips and ass, helping you to keep moving smoothly on his cock as your focus starts to slip, the pleasure building.

Again, his name is a mantra from your tongue. Your hips rock in increasingly more erratic motions, your heart racing, body flushed, and you slide one hand down between your body and Haechan’s to get your fingers on your clit. Tight circles as you bounce on his cock and moan his name against his lips.

He’s everywhere, and your senses burst as you realize that. Everywhere is the taste of Haechan, the smell of him, the feel of him, the sound of his breathing and his moans and your name whispered in total awe and admiration as you finally fall apart on his cock. He’s everywhere as your world narrows to his arms around you, his cock inside you, his chest against yours as your heart thunders, his lips caressing your cheek and praising your name.

Haechan tips you backwards until your shoulders hit the sheets, but his hold on your hips keeps them lifted in his lap. He holds himself above you, and fucks into you without restraint.

Your pussy clings to him, pulling him in deeper, squeezing him tighter, milking around his cock to get him to cum too.

You’re a moaning, writhing mess beneath him. Your eyes are dazed with the powerful rush of endorphins. Your skin tingles with sensitivity, but you love the way it feels to have his body colliding so pleasantly with yours — the high heat of where his body connects with yours, the buzz of his fingers whispering over your bare skin as he brings a hand to your chest to touch your tits.

Haechan’s moans and gasps are just as loud as yours now, the sounds filling the room, overflowing with pleasure.

Everything reaches new heights when Haechan hits his orgasm. You pull him down over you as he fills the condom. Your fingers pull at his shoulders, and you kiss him as you both work your way down from your highs. Coming together and shattering apart time and time again, your body shivering against his not because you’re cold but because you’re just so sensitive as he keeps grinding into you, your breath hiccuping in your chest.

But eventually he stops, leaning his weight down against you with only his arms on either side of you keeping him from pressing all of his weight down on you. His fingers braid through your hair, his mouth moves slowly against yours, and you’re just melting into the bed as you kiss him back, fully relaxing and satisfied, completely boneless beneath him. There’s nowhere you’d rather be.

“Don’t.” You complain as Haechan eventually begins to pull away. He lifts himself away from you, but your hands are quick to drag him back down, one at his shoulder and the other at his waist. You wrap your legs around his hips, keeping him anchored inside you.

Haechan laughs. “I’ll come right back. I promise.”

When you don’t let up on him – not that he puts that much effort into breaking your hold – he sighs and kisses you once more.

“Unless you want me to piss inside you, I highly recommend you let me up, babe.”

“I think that might be a bit too experimental for today,” you sigh, and reluctantly you drop your legs from his hips. “Next time, maybe.”

“Gross,” he teases, wrinkling his nose with a laugh. But a moment later, as he slides off the bed and reaches down to carefully remove the condom, Haechan glances up at you to ask in a casual voice, “Is that something you would actually be interested in? I’m not going to judge.”

“I don’t know.” You shrug. “We’re both clearly into some things that aren’t necessarily super common kinks. I’m open to experimentation with some other stuff.”

Another laugh from Haechan. “Well, I’ll add it to a list.”

Left bare and empty, you sit up, draw your knees up to your chest, and wrap your arms around yourself. Haechan successfully ties off the condom and tosses it into the small trash bin beside your desk. You just watch him, admiring his bare body, and you bite down on your arm a little to keep from making a lewd comment. Not that Haechan seems to mind; you can tell that he’s basking under the warm glow of your attention, preening a little as he struts to the bathroom.

You don’t leave him alone for long.

He’s just finished up when you walk in through the door he’d left cracked open. Haechan jumps a little, surprised by your sudden appearance in the mirror, but you quickly wrap your arms around him from behind, pressing your chest to his back and your cheek to his shoulder.

“Do you want to shower together?” He asks.

That’s exactly why you came in here. To wash the tackiness of sweat and arousal off your skin. To be close with Haechan. He happily pulls you into your shower, standing with you beneath the showerhead. There’s only some minor distraction from the task at hand when Haechan cheekily pins both of your wrists together and draws them above your head to pin you back against the shower wall, kissing you absolutely breathless until the water turns bitingly cold. You have to hurry to finish rinsing away soap suds, your bodies are both covered in goosebumps as you step out, but it's worth it when you quickly (and insufficiently) towel each other off.

Haechan’s hair is left fluffy and messy around his face, and your laughter emerges from the towel before your face does, but Haechan is waiting right there to kiss you regardless. You drag Haechan back into bed, turning the lights out on the way so that when you tumble into bed and you hold your damp bodies together beneath the sheets, you can pretend like this is going to be innocent and sleepy.

That lasts all of half a second.

Haechan laughs against your lips when you sit on top of him, your hands playfully around his neck. The laugh turns into a moan when you suck on his tongue, but it doesn’t go much further than that. Just making out which devolves into playful kissing which slows until you’re just laying on his chest.

Your breathing syncs with his. His arms wrap around your waist. Your nose brushes his throat with every breath, and you can still smell his familiar citrusy sunshiney scent as it blends with your body wash and shampoo from the shower.

You don’t want to move honestly, but after a while your thigh starts to cramp.

Now it’s Haechan’s turn to grumble out a plea of “Don’t move,” which you ignore as you roll off of him to stretch out your legs.

You don’t move far. You turn on your side to look at him, and Haechan twists his head away to stare up at the ceiling. An uncontrollable smile beats its way to your lips as you catch him checking out of the corner of his eye to see if you’re looking at him.

“I had fun tonight,” you confess, though you hope it was obvious to him. All of tonight, from the moment you laid eyes on him outside your apartment until this second.

Haechan turns his head, and his eyes are alight even in the dark. “Yeah?”

You nod. “Yeah. I really enjoyed the concert. It was special and different. I’ve actually listened to some of Doyoung’s music before. He’s coming up in the industry, from what I’ve heard. I had no idea that you knew him.”

Haechan rolls his eyes a little, and he looks up at the ceiling. “Doyoung’s been destined for vocal stardom since the start. From the first day I met him in one of those music elective classes I took, I knew that he was gonna be big.”

“I forgot that you ever took music classes.” You rest your chin on your hands. “What did you learn? Singing? Instruments? Theory?”

“A little bit of all of that.” Haechan blinks slowly, and you’re utterly enchanted by the color of his eyes in the dark. “I play the piano. I can sing a bit.”

“Well?”

“I like to think I can sing well.” Haechan laughs. “I’ve been singing since I was really little, but I never really did anything with it. Not like Doyoung has.There was a time that I dreamed of being an idol. I had a chance once, my mom offered to take me to an audition for a company, but I didn’t go. And sometimes I still think about it, about what my life would have been like if I’d pursued that lifestyle. What if I’d decided that singing was more important than hanging out with my friends that day.”

You can’t imagine it.

It’s impossible for you, right now in this position with Haechan’s bare thigh resting against yours in this bed, to imagine a world in which he’d gone to an audition. He would have passed of course; he would have excelled and debuted and gone on to great success, enchanting hearts and singing on stages across the world. He wouldn’t have come to your university to sit near you in an orientation group, to become your friend and your crush and your….

You look into his eyes and you see the same thoughts of a parallel timeline running through Haechan’s mind.

He shakes his head. “I still love singing, but I wouldn’t trade anything for the life I’ve had. There are too many things that would have gone differently.” And he doesn’t put it into words, but his hand shifts, sliding up to cover your hand where it rests between your pillows. “There are things that I think my life would be detrimentally lacking in, if I’d taken another path.”

You bump him with your elbow. “Can you sing for me?”

“What? Now?” His eyes go a little wide.

You nod. “Please? Pretty please?”

Haechan sits up, leaning his back against the headboard of your bed. “You’re lucky I like you. I don’t just sing songs for just anyone, y’know.” He scoops your hand up in his, holding it in his lap. “Do you have any particular requests?”

“Nope,” you say quickly. “Anything that you like. Dealer’s choice.” You pull yourself up too, folding your legs in front of you as you face him. Haechan’s eyes fall from your face, trailing down your body before slowly rising to your eyes again.

“I’ve got one.” Haechan licks his lips, takes a deep breath, and begins.

“On a starry night,” he sings slowly, smoothly, clearly. “I hear your voice…”

Haechan pauses when he hears your soft, surprised inhale. You know this song well. He keeps singing You In My Arms. You’ve always really liked this song, loved it since you first heard it, and now Haechan is singing it.

Singing it to you.

Haechan rubs his thumb over the back of your hand, his fingers brush the inside of your wrist. If he can feel your pulse thundering right now, it does nothing to affect the beautiful way he’s singing to you, holding your gaze. If he remembers that you once sang this in front of him, at a party with your friends, he doesn’t make any indication of that.

He just sings to you in this heart-achingly beautiful voice that you somehow didn’t know he possessed.

As he sings, he pulls you around to sit in the V between his spread legs, your back against his chest, and he wraps you in his arms. You’re absolutely enchanted listening to the slow, sweet sound of his voice.

“When the darkness comes and you need someone to lean on,” Haechan croons as he approaches the end of the song, “In my arms, close your eyes. In my arms—” He hugs you tightly from behind, and finishes the song so softly with the last line: “Let’s share a love dream.”

“Where have you been hiding that?” You flip your hand in his so you’re the one playing with Haechan’s fingers now. “I’ve known you for years and never knew you could sing like that.”

A swift kiss lands on the top of your head. “I guess you just haven’t been paying enough attention to me.”

That’s impossible. And you both know it. You’ve paid him quite a bit of attention over the years.

“I just sing a lot in the shower,” he admits after another moment. “Before coming here for university, I used to sing more. I performed at school when I was younger. Tried being in a band during high school. But there just wasn’t time for all of that when I came here. Plus, like I said, I’d already passed on my big chance to do something with a singing career.”

You peel yourself away from his chest, turning around to face him. “That’s not true, you know. You could still pursue music if you want. Look at Doyoung. He’s doing it. Why can’t you?”

Haechan’s expression softens as he looks at you. “And you would support me in that decision?”

“Hell yes.” You nod. “Wouldn’t you support me to follow my wildest dreams?”

He laughs. “Oh? And what would that be?”

For the rest of the night, you sit there in your bed just talking with each other. Sharing hopes for the future and silly dreams from your past. You laugh until your belly aches as Haechan recounts a story involving his siblings. He laughs until he cries when you tell him one of your most embarrassing moments from when you were young, and you laugh right along with him. He pins you to the bed, wrestling with you as you shriek with laughter loud enough to probably piss off your neighbors while he covers your body in kisses and tickles you.

You talk and laugh and at one point you cry. Sad tears, reminiscing on the past. You hold each other and whisper and share smiles that make your heart race.

You could happily talk with Haechan until the sun rises, but at some point late into the night, you drift off to sleep with Haechan’s voice vibrating his chest beneath your cheek. And you’re happy.

Everyone catches on pretty quickly to what’s going on between you and Haechan. At work, you can’t hide it. Every spare moment Haechan has, he’s standing at your desk. Even when neither of you is actually free, you’re exchanging looks and smiles. And then there are the moments when one of you will sneak away to the break room, and the other quickly follows.

“It’s about time,” Johnny comments when he walks onto the break room to find Haechan wrapped around you from behind while you wait for your coffee to finish brewing. There’s nothing inappropriate happening then, just Haechan’s arms around your waist and his lips at your ear. And sure, he’s maybe got his boner pressed against your ass, but there’s nothing actually inappropriate happening, despite what your fantasies might want.

Soon word spreads to everyone that the tension between you and Haechan has finally turned into this.

“And what is this?” You ask Haechan one afternoon.

He’s walking beside you through the parking garage. You’ve just clocked out for the day, but since it’s late winter bordering on early spring, night has fallen early and the corners of the garage are filled with shadows. Haechan had insisted that he walk you to your car, which you of course had no qualms about.

“What is what?” He asks, glancing sideways at you. “This is a parking garage.”

You swing your arm, your bag slapping him lightly on the shoulder. He laughs, and you can’t help but smile even as you roll your eyes. “You know what I mean, Lee Donghyuck! Is this just us dating? Or…?”

You’ve been on a few more dates since that first one. You’ve gone to see a movie, you brought him as your date to an art exhibit hosted by a friend of yours, dinner out at this new place you’d mentioned wanting to go to. Most date nights ended up with you both at your place or at his, whichever place is less likely to have a roommate that night. You’ve been going on dates, yeah, but you’ve also definitely been fucking a lot too. Mostly you’re just learning from each other, having fun and growing familiar with each other's bodies and what you like, and doing a little bit of experimentation and testing boundaries.

“Of course we’re dating,” Haechan says. “And in case it’s not clear, I’m exclusively dating you.”

That’s what you thought and hoped. But that’s not really the answer to the question that you’re asking.

You reach your car before you muster the courage to ask Haechan if your relationship has a proper title. And even then, he distracts you from even trying to muster the courage when he cages you in against the trunk of your car.

“We haven’t done anything like this yet. I’ve heard from you all about your public exploits with other guys, but don’t you think it’s time for you to fuck me in public, angel?” Haechan asks in a low voice. “I’ve been thinking about you all day, honestly. Since the meeting this morning. You bent over the table to hand something to Taeil, and your skirt was just so tight over your ass, I—-“

Haechan cuts his words off, his hand lowering to the curve of your ass beneath your skirt.

Your body reacts instantly, warming under his touch.

“You want to fuck me against my car in this dirty parking garage?” You ask. “Doesn’t that make me feel special.” But your body thrills just thinking about it, arousal pooling in your panties. “And I don’t have a condom on me. Do you?”

Haechan pauses just long enough that you know the answer before he says, “Actually, I do.”

“Were you planning this, sir?” You laugh and push at his shoulder. “I wondered why you were so eager to walk me down here.”

“I mean, it’s part of it. But also it’s dark out, and I’m not letting my… you walk alone to your car in the dark.” Haechan reaches into a pocket of his work bag on his shoulder, and he holds a condom between his fingers. “So what do you say, my sweet angel?”

You pluck the condom from his hand. “I want it quick and dirty. Think you can give me that?”

“How dirty?” Haechan has already got his hands on your hips turning you around so you’re facing away from him, your belly pinned against the trunk of your car.

“I don’t want to be an angel right now,” you say, “I want to be a bad girl.”

Haechan pushes you right between your shoulder blades and you bend forward until your cheek is against the lid of the trunk. His fingers knot through your hair, and with his other hand he reaches for the bottom edge of your skirt. “Like this?”

He jerks the skirt up, revealing your panties and your ass.

You whimper, and his fingers tighten in your hair some. “Answer me.”

“Yes, sir,” your voice is already weak, slipping into a place of submission. “Quick, rough, and dirty.”

His hand smacks against your bare ass cheek, and your pussy gives a throb of arousal, a short moan escapes you, and you’re left craving more. This is one thing you’ve dipped your toes into with him. A bit of dominance and submission, him treating you like a toy, him just using you to get off. You love it, and he always treats you well afterwards, showering you with affection and praise to make up for whatever he says in the scenario.

And that’s all that you want right now, bent over your car with his hand tightening in your hair.

“Don’t move,” Haechan commands. “You want me to fuck you like you’re a filthy back-alley whore, baby? I’ll do it. Gonna use your tight whore pussy to get off, and maybe if you take me well I’ll let you cum too.”

If he keeps talking to you like this, you might cum before he starts anything.

Haechan’s hand comes down on your ass again, and this time the resounding smack echoes around the parking garage. Your body jolts, another moan escapes. And before your mind has recovered from that burst of pleasure, he swings his hand down on the other side. Another smack echoing from the concrete ceiling and floors of the structure.

This time Haechan keeps his hand there for a second, caressing the hot flush of your skin in the shape of his hand. A hesitation to give you the chance to tell him if it’s too much or if it’s not what you wanted. You feel the press of his erection against your other ass cheek, and he’s still got his pants on, though he’s grinding against your ass.

“Pervert,” you hiss. “You’re really getting off on this aren’t you? Fucking me like I’m just some slut, right here where our boss or any of our coworkers could happen by?”

Sometimes you play the sweet submissive, sometimes the brat. Tonight, you’re feeling a little more feisty.

Your words urge Haechan on. His hand in your hair clenches, drawing your hair a little further around his fingers so just a slight tug has your head lifting away from the trunk, with you helpless against him. Again he spanks your left ass cheek, and the way your body jolts from the impact tugs on your hair again. Your panties feel soaked from your arousal, and as Haechan rolls his hips forward, erection dipping into the cleft of your ass, you let out a keening moan.

You’d asked for it to be quick. He got the rough and dirty part, but it seems like he’s dragging this out.

You push your hips back into him, rolling your ass against Haechan’s erection. “Give it to me, Haechan. I need it.”

“Oh, you need it?” His chuckle comes from low in his chest, sending a rolling wave of arousal through you. “Do you need my cock, slut?”

His fingertips scrabble against your thighs, over your ass, up to your hips. He jerks your panties down, and automatically you shift to help make it easier for him to push them down until they fall to your ankles. Your wet core is met by the cool air, and that only serves to turn you on even more.

Again, a new smack to one side of your ass and another quickly to the other side.

“You might think I’m a pervert, baby, but you’re the one with wetness dripping down your thighs right now.” Haechan slicks a few fingers between your legs, right there along your slit. And from the way he has your head pinned to the trunk of your car, with your head turned to the side, you can see from the corner of your eye the way that he lifts that hand to his lips. You can see how he sucks his fingers into his mouth to get a taste of you. You watch as he sucks his fingers clean, as he gets them wet with his saliva, and then he draws them out and quickly slides his spit-lubed fingers inside you.

You gasp, squirming, trying to fuck yourself back on his fingers. You need it. You want it.

He pulls his fingers away.

Heat blossoms across your ass. Stars sparkle across your vision for a second, and you realize that the tight hold Haechan has on your hair is actually kinda painful. But it’s the tolerable sort of pain. All of this is the good sort of pain that you can handle, that you like.

“I said don’t move.”

Distantly, you hear the squeal of tires on the parking garage floor, and for a moment both of you go a little tense. Your pussy clenches around Haechan’s fingers. His fingers loosen in your hair.

“Don’t stop,” you beg, your voice rough. “I don’t care, Haechan. You know I like this risk of getting caught. Don’t stop.”

You don’t care if someone drives by and catches a glimpse. You really, really don’t. You’ll only care if they stop to take a long look or to interfere. And you really don’t think they’re going to be able to see much. Your car is positioned between two much bigger vehicles — an SUV on one side that sticks out of the parking spot more than yours does, and on the other side is a big utility van which also does a good job at blocking the view from that direction. People speed through this parking garage all the time, so by the time that someone driving past could be able to see around the other cars to see what you and Haechan are doing, they’re already going to be gone.

Haechan doesn’t stop.

His fingers remain a little bit loose in your hair so you can turn your head so you’re looking forward through the back window of your car. The muscles in your neck twinge a little bit.

Haechan pulls his other hand away from between your legs. He kicks your ankles apart lightly with one foot, though you have to pull one foot out of your panties to allow them to spread far enough. Haechan pushes your skirt up again, then you hear the sound of his belt being loosened. He reaches around you, grabbing the condom from where you still have it pinched between your fingers.

“Ready for it?” Haechan asks, and you can hear the condom wrapper being torn open. You hear him softly groan as he rolls it down along his length, then the sound as he spits into his hand, and lastly the wet sound of him lubing his cock with his spit.

“Haechan!” You whine as he just stands there, stroking his cock without putting it in you.

Your ass stings when he spanks you again. “Ask for it nicely.”

A car goes zooming by behind you in a burst of loud music and a wave of rushing air. As you suspected, they’re gone before they could have possibly seen anything.

In the silence that follows that car’s passing, Haechan smacks your other ass cheek. “Ask for it, slut.”

God, you like this.

“Please, I need your cock. Can I please have it, sir?” You whimper, squirming even though you know that he told you not to move. “I feel so empty without you inside me, and it aches, it hurts.” And the little cherry on top of your plea is the final: “I need Daddy’s cock to fill me all the way up, let everyone know…”

“That you’re mine,” Haechan growls, and he pushes inside you.

This is where the quick and the rough parts of your request come into play. He fucks you rough and fast, hitting deep, disregarding your pleasure to chase his own, which is exactly what you want right now. You want to feel like Haechan is using you, fucking you dirty in this public parking garage.

Another car zooms by behind you, and this time you swear you hear a voice call something out, but Haechan doesn’t stop. You reach a hand back, twisting your fingers in his shirt.

His cock feels so amazing where it stretches you open. Each time he thrusts forward, you can feel him deep, deep in your belly, hitting all those spots that make your toes curl in your shoes.

Your moans begin to grow, and that means that they begin to echo.

“As much as I love hearing you moan for me, I really need you to shut up,” Haechan groans, and his fingers tighten in your hair again, and this time when he tugs, it’s really more of a yank. He lifts your chest up off the trunk, making you arch your back as he brings your head back.

“Quiet down for Daddy, babe,” Haechan demands, his voice low. “Unless you really want every single person in this entire parking garage to know what a slut you are for my cock.”

His teeth graze your earlobe. His hand applies the perfect amount of pressure against your throat, and between that limiting of your ability to breathe and the pain in your scalp, you think you might just float off on cloud 9. Haechan’s body has you pinned against your car, your hips colliding with the trunk each time he pulls back only to thrust in deeper. Your knees and hips ache, your ass stings in the shape of his handprints, and all of it combines into this perverse sense of pleasure.

“Such a fucking good girl,” Haechan moans into your ear. “Yeah? You’re taking Daddy’s cock so well, slut.”

Your eyes burn from unshed tears. Usually you do prefer the aftercare praise, but this evening the degradation and rough use is just doing it for you. You’re going to cry, but only because you love it.

Haechan pulls again on your hair. His lips glide along your cheek, and his hand lets up on your throat.

“Tell me you love it,” Haechan demands. “Tell me how much you love taking Daddy’s cock like a whore.”

Your eyes roll. “I love—“ your voice is a slurred gurgle as Haechan drives his cock deep into you again. You try once more, saying, “I love your cock, sir. I love it so much. No one fucks me like you do.”

Haechan’s breath comes in sharp pants against your cheek. His hand slides from your throat down over your chest, sinking to the apex of your thighs.

“Love it, I really do.” You moan, your head lolling back on Haechan’s shoulder. His fingers swirl in mind-numbing circles on your clit, and again you slur through the sensations of your rising climax, “I can’t get enough of you inside me, like, fuck— I, oh my God!”

Haechan’s fingers fall away, and your orgasm recedes.

Tears finally spill from your eyes, a sob cracking from your throat. “Haechan, please, I—“

“No.” His teeth nip at your earlobe again. He grinds into you, as if he can possibly fit his cock any deeper inside you. “Not yet.”

Again, his fingers return to your clit, and he plays the same game. He gets you right there to the edge before he backs off and leaves you crying, begging for it. He does this three times before you can’t take it anymore. You feel like your knees are about to give out, and a guttural plea of “I need to cum, please?”

“Can you cum on Daddy’s cock?” Haechan asks. “Why should I let you?”

“Because my pussy was made for Daddy’s cock,” you whimper, shivering as Haechan brings his fingers once more to your clit, and this time the circular strokes don’t fall away when you feel your climax cresting, instead Haechan keeps going as your orgasm washes through you.

“Oh, God,” you moan, delirium and delight taking over as you sigh, “I love you.”

Haechan pulls back only to slam back in, grinding in deep as his hand tightens again on your throat, and he cums into the condom. He presses himself over you, pinning you once again fully against the trunk of your car. You can feel the hot pulse of his cum as he fills the condom; his heart thunders against your back, his hair brushes your cheek. Haechan is everywhere and everything to you in that moment.

He recovers more quickly than you do.

Haechan pulls out of you, tugging your skirt down to cover your ass once more. He turns you around and cradles your face in his hands. He rests his forehead against yours and begins praising you softly, kissing your nose and cheeks and your lips.

After a few moments, you’re the one to push him away as another car rolls by. This one is the slowest of those that have passed by, and you catch an unfamiliar face staring at the way you and Haechan are embracing. There’s nothing obscene happening now, and there’s no way that they can tell that his cock is still out, though they might notice your panties trailing from one of your ankles.

You decide to abandon the panties because they’re stretched and a little torn from Haechan’s efforts, and besides that, they’ve been on this nasty parking garage floor. You’re not putting that dirty material against your pussy.

Haechan seems at a loss for what to do with the tied off condom, just standing there holding it in his hand. You can’t help laughing, reaching for his bemused face, pulling him in to kiss the expression away.

“Can I come over tonight?” Haechan asks when you pull back.

You nod, plucking the condom from his hand. You walk away to a nearby trash receptacle that’s already overflowing with waste. You drop the condom into an uncovered styrofoam cup. Haechan is still standing there beside your car, unmoving, watching you with this indecipherable look in his eyes.

“You can get in the car, y’know.” You pat his chest when you reach him, and he quickly wraps an arm around you, drawing you against his chest. He kisses you again, a thorough kiss that leaves you absolutely breathless.

“Get in the car,” he tells you, “I’ll drive.”

So Haechan drives you home. He comes up to your apartment with you. He jokes around with your roommate (who has since come around and apologized to you for being a bitch when you and Haechan first started dating) while you change out of your work clothes. You cook an early dinner together with him, which the prep time consists of a decent amount of him caging you in against the countertop and kissing you while your dinner is on the verge of burning. Your roommate sits on the sofa eating her dinner, making disgusted faces at the two of you and telling you to get a room.

And after your dinner meal is fully prepared and plated, you and Haechan take your plates to your bedroom and close the floor.

You pull a movie up on Netflix, and you watch it together while you eat, and then you fit yourself between his legs to lie back against his chest with his arms around you.

At some point during the movie, you suddenly realize that Haechan isn’t watching the movie. He’s probably not been watching it for a while, but you’re only just noticing. He’s playing with your hair, looking down at your face where your head rests back on his shoulder. Just looking at you with the light of the movie illuminating his face. His eyes gleam, but he doesn’t look away when you catch him.

“What?” You ask, “Have I got something on my face?”

Haechan shakes his head. “No, I’m just thinking.”

“Mm, about what?” You watch how his expression changes, shifting away from that open way he’s been looking at you to a more closed-off distance. “You can tell me, Haechan.”

He loosens his fingers from your hair, instead trailing the backs of his fingers along the line of your jaw. Then he says, “Back on the night I first kissed you, I told you I like you, and you never said it back.”

Your heart gives a strange lurch in your chest. That’s what he’s been thinking about? Does he think that you don’t like him too? What does he think this has all been about?

“So you never said it, and that’s fine.” Haechan’s fingers trail down over your shoulder. “You never said those words ‘I like you,’ but earlier, when you were cumming…. Did you mean it?”

Mean what?

“It was the heat of the moment, so I get it if you didn’t really mean to say it.” Haechan pauses entirely, gazing down at you, searching your face.

What had you said? You wrack your brain, trying to think back into that heated, hazy moment. You remember moaning as the wave of your orgasmic delirium pulled you under, but had there been words involved? You know how you were feeling in the moment, and if you’d put it into words you would have said—

You gasp a little. “Oh, I mean…”

You hadn’t meant to say it. Not those words. You’d been feeling them for sure, but you hadn’t really articulated them, even to yourself. But now, you’re sitting here, wrapped in Haechan’s arms, having told him those three big words.

You hadn’t meant to say them, yet you had said them. They were out there in the universe, ringing in Haechan’s mind enough that he was still thinking about them a few hours later.

And you do feel that way. You know it. So is it the worst thing that you’d blurted them out during sex?

You nod, holding Haechan’s gaze.

“I think I’m in love with you,” you tell him gently, haltingly, unsure of how he’ll receive the confession.

Haechan’s features warm up, a bright smile appearing. “You sounded a lot more confident in that answer earlier. Will it make you more confident again if I just….” He leans in, and you turn your face more towards him. Haechan kisses you, his arms around you. This kiss is sweet and slow, the kind of kiss that makes you feel like spun sugar left out in a summer rain, dissolving a little more with every touch.

Haechan lays you beneath him in the bed, his forehead against yours as he ends the kiss. Your name is just a sigh from his lips, and he brushes his nose against yours, then he tells you in a voice filled with tender certainty, “I love you.”

And again a moment later, “I love you,” and he kisses your nose. “I love you” with a kiss to your cheek. “I love you” with a kiss to the other cheek. Haechan kisses all over your face, punctuating each kiss with an “I love you” until your entire body is flush with heat, your heart beating fast, and your tongue is twisted around the words too, your mind moving too fast to be able to work with your tongue to tell Haechan confidently that you love him too.

You capture his face between your hands, holding his cheeks in your palms, and you keep him there hovering right above you.

“I love you. I’ve probably always been in love with you, honestly,” you say as you stroke your thumbs over his cheeks. “And if you keep kissing me and telling me you love me like this, you’re going to have to call me your girlfriend.”

Haechan laughs. “I do call you my girlfriend. Are you not calling me your boyfriend?”

Your face is definitely warm. “We hadn’t talked about it. I just tell people you’re…. You. You’re Haechan. My Haechan.”

He smiles. “I like that. Your Haechan.”

Fireworks burst beneath your skin when he kisses you again, when his hands and your hands begin to roam each other's bodies. You peel his shirt up and over his head. He rucks your shirt up beneath your tits. You just want to be skin to skin. You want to feel Haechan all over you. Everywhere inside and out.

“Just so you know,” Haechan says after a while when you break apart again, things slowing down. “Your Haechan has been in love with you for a long time too. Longer than I was aware, I’m sure.” His thumbs stroke along your sides, and you shiver a little. Haechan just smiles, and says, “I’ve definitely loved you for years, and when that shifted from just loving you to being in love with you, I’m not sure. But I really love you. A ridiculous amount, honestly. You’re going to be sick of hearing me say it.”

Now you laugh, pulling his mouth back down to yours.

The pair of you pass the words back and forth between the kisses. Exchanges of “I love you” that are so sickeningly sweet, going on until you’re too tired to kiss him any longer. You just lay your head down on his chest, both of you sunken into the warm, happy glow of your romance as he holds you in his arms.

a/n: there was a time that I considered ending the story here, but there's still a bit more that I want to say, some more smutty scenes that I wanted to write! I hope the burn finally burning was good for you all! There's still more to come!

Also! The part where Haechan sings the song 'You In My Arms' is a song that he actually has covered a few years ago, and you can find it here

As usual, thoughts, comments, likes, reblogs, stream of consciousness-ing in the tags, all that stuff is always welcome and appreciated! Thank you for reading! Chapter 10 will be posted next Tuesday, and it's going to be from Y/N's pov again

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#haechan smut #nct smut #nct dream smut #nct 127 smut #haechan #nct #nct dream #nct 127 #nct 2023 #yima #lee haechan

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neonghostlights · 3 months

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now that i finished to the moon and back (and saw that we have twins with eddie 🥺😭) i’m thinking about his reaction to finding out you’re pregnant and my heart is going to explode 🥹

also just wanted to say, that series will always hold a special place in my heart and i think you ended it so beautifully 💖

Thank you so much! I’m so happy you liked it. It is one of my favorites that I’ve ever written (especially now that it’s done lol)

A little something about telling Eddie we’re pregnant in the To The Moon and Back universe.

Alien!Eddie x Farmer! Reader series masterlist

Warnings: Reader is pregnant, illness (morning sickness), worried about the baby and health, mentions of sex/smut (offscreen) , cussing 18 + only, minors DNI

You weren’t really sure how it happened.

Well, you were pretty sure you knew how it happened. Maybe during one of your morning showers you took together everyday, or that time in the spaceship, or that time he spent all night pumping you full over and over again like he couldn’t get enough of you.

It could have been those times or any of the times in between.

You didn’t think this would ever happen. You had been on Eddie’s planet for nearly a year and you hadn’t gotten pregnant yet, so why now?

“And you’re completely sure?” You asked the doctor again and she raised an eyebrow at you that told you that without a doubt she was sure.

You had been feeling sick but mostly craving some of the yucky puffy leaves that tasted like dirt that Eddie liked so much. That was the first sign that something was wrong.

“It seems like our species and your species are compatible,” she murmured as she typed on the screen before her. You tried to read it but you weren’t great at the language yet. Speaking it was hard and reading it was even harder. Even now you were wearing the very uncomfortable translators.

You were so happy that this planet offered a more permanent translator so Eddie could switch between speaking his language and yours flawlessly without having to wear a metal piece over his tongue or in his ear.

You weren’t so keen on the idea of having something permanently placed in your body so you just went the old fashioned way.

“Would you like to see them?” The doctor asked, holding up a wand to your stomach.

“Them?”

When you walked out of the health clinic and onto the street you noticed a few heads turn, but most minded their business now that they were used to having a human in their midst.

It was odd being out and about without Eddie. You hadn’t even told him that you planned to come today. Luckily, on this planet no appointments were needed for doctor’s visits and with the readily available healers in every household the office was practically empty.

When you got home you waited on one of the living room seats. The home was built mostly like a house, but made out of metal. It reminded you of a very, very large trailer. It was mostly open floor plan with your bedroom on one side of the house while the kitchen and living room took up most of the living space.

You stared at the door, bouncing your legs with anxiety while you waited for him.

And when he finally opened the door you started to cry.

Eddie rushed to you, frantic.

“What’s wrong, my love?” He shushed you while assessing you for injuries.

“I’m pregnant!” You sobbed. It wasn’t really the way you wanted to tell him but damn these hormones were strong. “And it’s twins!”

You knew it was a possibility of having twins since Eddie’s planet has a high amount of them. But it wasn’t something you were prepared for.

Eddie froze, wide eyes unblinking as he stared at you.

“Eddie, you’re scaring me.”

“Pregnant? Are you really?”

You nodded and told him all about your doctors trip, how you went out alone and got the news today.

“What do you think?” Eddie asked, a hand stroking your stomach already. You could by the small movement that he was happy but trying not to scare you.

“I’m pretty fucking scared but I think I’m excited. I didn’t think I’d ever have kids but I also never thought that I’d travel to another planet too,” you admitted.

“Babies,” Eddie repeated shaking his head, “I knew you had been smelling extra sweet lately,” he said before pressing a kiss to your stomach.

Somehow you knew everything was going to be okay.

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson au #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson x you #eddie stranger things #eddie munson series #eddie munson angst #alien!eddie munson x farmer!reader #alien!eddie munson x reader #alien!eddie munson

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short-honey-badger · 5 months

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Phantom Pain part 5

The Fishing Incident

First off! I am so so sorry it's been so long. I've got in a bit of a slump and struggled to get anything out. So I really hope you all enjoy this next part! Mostly fluff and some kissing!

Masterlist

@writingmysanity @foggyturtleknightangel @kenkenmaaa

Shanks ends up buying you one of the better fishing rods in the market, one strong and flexible enough to take the challenge of some of the bigger fish that make the Grand Line their home. He'd watched with a fond look as you gushed over the different reels, lines, and luers, and reminded you several times that price was not an issue. You left the market happy and excited to try your new gear, and that was all that mattered to Shanks.

The Yonko had expected you to run off right after the two of you had finished shopping, but instead you lingered outside the market and waited for him to pick out a couple of bottles of saki and rum. He could feel your nerves again and gave you a reassuring smile in return.

"Do you wanna come fishing with me?" You blurt out suddenly, and Shanks is already nodding his head before you can even finish your sentence. He'd do anything you wanted to do. However, the question also has guilt welling up inside of him. You furrow your brow at him, confused on why he would feel that way.

"I'd love to, Baby," Shanks tells you and then shakes his right side, causing the empty sleeve there to flop around, "But it's kinda hard to do with one arm."

You blink up at him, frown scrunching your face. Damn. Shanks makes a good point as much as you would rather not admit. You shuffle your feet before ultimately shrugging and aiming a shy smile up at your soul mate.

"You can just come sit with me, though, right?" You suggest softly. You don't really want to be alone, not when you could spend this down time with your soulmate. The longer you stay, the more you think that may you do belong with him, made to be by his side.

Shanks looks delighted, face softening into a gentle expression full of fondness. His side of the bond pulses like an exploding star, and you flush at the tsunami of feelings you feel from him. The Yonko snickers at your red face and then boops your nose, a new favorite thing of his to do.

"I wouldn't want to spend my time any other way, Seastar," he teases, and you roll your eyes at him with a huff before turning away. You shouldn't have expected anything less from him.

Eventually, the two of you find a nice secluded spot on the beach quite a ways down from the pier and small town. It's quiet and peaceful here, and you take the chance to dig your toes into the sand and just breathe in the salty air. You feel Shanks step behind you and tense for half a second when his arm wraps around your waist, but relax and let yourself lean against his strong chest. You feel safe and secure in knowing that nothing could ever harm you when your soul mate holds you so closely.

Shanks buries his face in your hair and breathes in, humming in joy when he feels you slump against him. He never wants to let you go and wonders how he had ever gone through so much of his life without you by his side. He kisses your hair, arm tightening around your waist as he scatters more kisses along the top of your head and then to your cheeks and brow when he gently turns you around.

You flush at the attention and then grab his loose shirt to tug him down for a real kiss. Shanks laughs against your lips, and you retaliate by nipping his bottom lip hard enough to hurt. He grunts and slips his hand into your hair so that he can better control the kiss, tongue sweeping into your mouth to plunder like a true pirate.

You break the passionate exchange with a gulp of air, and Shanks snickers again at your lack of stamina. His hand loosens in your hair and instead begins to stroke it lightly, "Thought you were supposed to be fishing?" He teases lightly.

You scoff at him, "It's not my fault you decided to distract me," You say with a smirk and the redhead looks at you with big puppy eyes, as if he had done no wrong. You raise your brow at him, not believing his puppy act for a second.

"Okayyy, fine," one of the most powerful men in the Grand Line whines, and you wonder how this became your life.

Shanks leaves and settles on a flat rock that also held your fishing equipment and his booze. He cracks open his bottle of saki and takes a deep swig before setting it aside. He expects you to grab your pole, but instead, you drop to your knees a couple of feet away from where the damp sand ends and begin to dig.

He furrows his brow at you from his seat, "What are you doing?" He asks curiously. Even before he lost his arm, Shanks hadn't been the biggest fan of fishing, so he was a little lost.

You laugh at him, and his heart seizes in his chest when you look up at him with a big grin. He can see where some sand is sticking to your face, and it just endears him more to you.

"Sometimes it takes a while for a fish to bite, and I just don't want to hold my pole for that long," you explain and then stand and dust yourself off when you deep your hole good enough, "Hence the hole."

You pick your way across the sand and settle on the rock beside Shanks. Your pole is soon lured up with a good sinker and a big chunk of bait attached to the hook. Shanks watches as you heft the pole and then walk almost chest deep into the ocean. He tenses at how far you go, but you look confident in what you are doing, so Shanks stays seated.

You cast your line as far as you can throw before wading back to shore and carefully lowering your pole into the hole. You come back to the rock and collect the small jar of shells you had made up earlier just for this purpose. You feel Shanks watching and deciding to explain to him, "I'll wrap my line around the jar. That way, when a fish hooks, I'll be able to hear it."

The Yonko makes a Huh sound and looks vaguely impressed with your small set you now have at the shore, "Well. Would you look at that? You made fishing even lazier," he teases when you sit beside him. Shanks gets shoved in the shoulder for that one, and he allows himself to be moved by your weak push.

"Shut up, I've got to save my strength for when I'm reeling it in," You inform him smartly and Shanks just laughs again and tugs you close so that you lean against his chest, he drops a kiss to your brow.

"You do have some noodle arms, Sweetheart," Shanks says, and you scoff in indignation. Here he is with only one arm, picking on you for being weak.

"Says you," you tease back and gesture at the empty sleeve that flops against his side.

Shanks promptly grabs you with his arm and lifts with ease, plopping you into his lap with a shit eating grin. His hand grips your hip to keep you from squirming away, and he leans in close enough that his hair tickles your nose, "What was that, Baby?" He murmured softly and your shiver at the feel of his breath against your ear.

You clutch at his shirt, feeling a bit off center being in his lap. This was new, but you weren't about to let your dark thoughts get the better of you, not when Shanks looked at you as if you were the only thing on the planet. His thumb strokes the skin of your waist, and you vaguely wonder when your shirt had ridden up enough to expose skin.

Shanks can't help himself anymore. He can feel your warring feelings, feel how much you want him, and how scared you still are of any kind of affection. You've worked hard for Shanks, and he loves you for it. He leans in and kisses you, lips soft for only a second before Shanks devours you, and you happily let him.

The two of you lose yourself within one another, lips smacking and teeth nipping. Heat pools in your lower stomach, and Shanks grips your hip hard enough that it may bruise, but you don't care. You don't want Shanks to stop kissing you.

That is until an annoying rattle startles you away from Shanks. You jerk your head and look, eyes bugging when you see your pole bending and the jar of shells shaking like crazy. You scramble off of his lap, untangling the jar and tossing it to the sand before you grab the pole and jerk it.

You grunt when you are yanked forward, feet kicking up sand as you struggle with the weight of the monster fish on your line. You are tugged forward again, and a yelp leaves your mouth when you almost eat sea water this time.

"Shanks!" You screech and grab the reel, cranking it twice as you fight against the fish, "Help me hold it!"

Shanks is there in a flash, back pressing against yours and hand gripping the pole as he helps you hold it steady. It's a fight even with his help, but the two of you eventually stand victorious over the wriggling fish. It's huge, long and silver with a mouth full of teeth.

"That...that is a big fish," you pant out, but you are grinning so wide that it hurts your face. You are proud of your catch.

Shanks matches your grin, feeling your elation over the bond. He slides close to you again, leaning down to kiss the top of your head, "Guess I can fish with you after all?" He comments and will forever treasure the delighted laugh and kiss that he receives.

#fanfic #reader insert #one piece #red haired shanks #shanks #shanks x reader #shanks x y/n #shanks x you #fluff #one piece live action #fishing #phantom pain

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jgracie · 8 days

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WHO’S AFRAID OF LITTLE OLD ME?

masterlist | rules

♡ dedicated to giselle @pinkdiorluvr <3 our leo/ttpd/aphrodite parallels resulted in this epic crossover... love u sm !

in which leo was tame and gentle ‘til the circus life made him mean (alternatively, the one where you teach a son of aphrodite how to love again)

pairing son of aphrodite!leo valdez x roman!reader

warnings self-loathing (happy ending tho dw), ooc / dark!leo? idk tbh but this is a deep dive into his mind lowk 😭 also this is kinda long sorry in advance LMAO

on the radio . . . who’s afraid of little old me? (taylor swift), the only exception (paramore)

an aphrodite cabin leo my beloved… read the comments under this for a bit of context :) also in this they know the ghost of the battery is venus cz it fits w the story ok

If you looked up the word ‘tragedy’ in the dictionary, Leo was convinced you’d find his whole life there. It’d take up half the book, listing every event that’s ever happened in his life from the moment his mother died in that fire, her body so charred there was nothing to bury, until present time

It would talk about how after that, social services arrived, and how his aunt had refused to take him in, calling him a diablo and shouting at the social workers to take him themselves. It would talk about how none of his other relatives wanted him. It would talk about all the foster homes he’d run from, both the okay and the ugly (because they were never good. They didn’t want him either) opting to sleep under the Houston bridge for months instead. It would talk about how Leo was completely and utterly unloveable

Years of his life being this endless cycle of misery resulted in Leo toughening up. He was no longer the sweet boy who’d sit on his mother’s lap as she worked with pieces of metal, who’d run to get her a hammer or a screwdriver before she even asked for it, his heart so full of love for her he was close to exploding. No, this was a new Leo. This Leo learnt to deal with the bullies and the streets and everything else life decided to throw at him, his skin calloused and his heart cold. Sure, he was still elvish and scrawny, but he wasn’t afraid. That alone was enough

Eventually, he befriended Piper. She was nice. For once, he was around someone who didn’t seem to mind his company. But no matter how much Piper liked him, she still liked Jason more. Leo wasn’t an idiot, he knew from the moment Piper laid eyes on the perfect blond that this was her dream guy. And he was happy for her, she was his friend after all! However, he couldn’t help but resent her feelings towards him. He found himself left out again - unloveable Leonidas Valdez, that’s who he’d always be, now that his mom was gone

Then, he discovered a whole new world of Gods and monsters and for a moment in time, Leo thought everything might finally begin to click. He never fit in with the other kids in his foster homes because he wasn’t like them, he was a demigod, of course he couldn’t fit in. For the first time since his mother’s passing, Leo became an optimist. Maybe things would turn around? He’d get to meet his second parent and they’d explain it all, possibly even reward him for his perseverance? Leo toyed around with the idea, replaying the fantasy in his head. In the end, to him, just getting a glimpse of them would be enough

He got claimed as soon as he arrived. Usually, that would be considered incredibly lucky, and Leo really tried thinking of it in that way. Annabeth had told him some campers wait years for that symbol to float over their heads, to finally be able to move out of the crowded Hermes cabin and have people they can genuinely call siblings, a place they can genuinely call home

Leo would’ve been happy if his Godly parent wasn’t her. Aphrodite. What a sick joke. How could the Goddess of love be his mother? No one loved Leo, even Piper and Jason saw him as a nuisance at times. They tried to disguise it, but Leo knew. Years of being bullied had given him excellent training in reading the emotions of others. He knew that whenever the three of them were together, they wished they could be alone. He’d almost refused to sleep in cabin 10, but his new siblings grabbed him by the arms and dragged him over, excited to meet a fellow child of their mother’s

Luckily, it didn’t take Leo very long to get a quest. He, along with Piper and Jason, left Camp Half-Blood to go find and save Hera from the cage she was trapped in. Although the quest was hard and there were many times he’d come close to death, Leo was happier away from the cabin that reminded him of everything he should be and was not. The trio came back to camp just in time and immediately started planning their journey to Jason’s home, Camp Jupiter

The days Leo was building the Argo II were some of his happiest. He had an excuse to not sleep in his cabin (the Hephaestus cabin had kindly offered him bunker 9) and he was around the one thing he truly did love - machinery. The smell of oil and clang of metal reminded him of his mother, the one person who’d truly ever loved him. Sure, Leo did occasionally find himself yearning for human interaction, but every time he felt that ache in his chest, his fingertips longing to touch another, he’d push it down and continue his work. Just because he was a son of Aphrodite, doesn’t mean he deserved love. If he did deserve love, surely, he would’ve gotten it a long time ago

Soon enough, the ship was finished and Leo, Jason, Piper and Annabeth set sail for Camp Jupiter. On the boat, he felt less pressure to fit into the constraints of the stereotypical role of a child of Aphrodite, consequently becoming more like one. Away from land, he could shed the Leo Valdez who was tough and hard as stone, becoming as fluid as the sea instead. He wasn’t anywhere near as social as the others, but this time, he didn’t lock himself up in his room. He taught Annabeth about the mechanisms of the ship and teased Piper and Jason whenever he caught them kissing

From above, Aphrodite watched and hoped the Fates were feeling kindly towards her baby boy. It broke her heart watching him lose faith in love, but she couldn’t do anything about it - not with Zeus keeping a close eye on her

“Okay, I’ll show you the ship. Come with me,” Leo told Octavian - Camp Jupiter’s joke of an Oracle. The boy annoyed him, reminding Leo too much of some of the manipulative bullies he had to learn to fight back, but he knew giving him a tour of the Argo II was essential for gaining the Romans’ trust. Surprisingly, it was going well. Octavian was quiet as he examined it all, only making a few snide remarks about the ‘obviously Greek methods’ Leo had used

Then it happened. Leo felt his mind go blank and his limbs move against his will, heading for the ballistae. He tried to stop himself, but he couldn’t. He fired on Camp Jupiter

Other than Jason, who had gotten hit by a brick and was currently passed out, everyone was fine. What wasn’t fine was the fact that the Romans were no longer on their side. The others gave him accusatory glances, even though he’d insisted didn’t mean to hurt anyone. Only Piper seemed to be on his side, but even she was a little hesitant, a little confused

You were the anomaly. Leo didn’t notice you - quiet and observant, wanting to see how this would play out - until you spoke up to defend him. You, a Roman who’d just had the only home she’s ever known destroyed, who’d just been labelled an outcast by all her friends and family thanks to him, had defended Leo

“Guys, I don’t think he meant any harm,” you said, immediately silencing the other six members of the Great Prophecy. Leo’s mouth was agape, unable to say anything as you continued, “why would he fire on Camp Jupiter on purpose?” You asked, “isn’t he a part of this eight, one of us?” Then, turning to Annabeth, you said, “isn’t he your friend? Why aren’t you defending him?” She blushed and looked down at her feet, unsure of what to say

You smiled, happy that another problem had been solved, “let’s not ruin this quest before it even starts, okay? We can’t save the world from Gaia if we don’t act as a team.”

For the first time since his mother’s death, Leo felt loved. However, he knew all too well how good things never last

Leo distanced himself from you, as well as everyone else on the ship. After that day, he’d decided to coop himself up in his room and work on upgrading the ship instead, only coming out when absolutely necessary. Meanwhile, you eagerly got to know everyone else who was part of the prophecy, intrigued about the differences between Greek and Roman demigods. The one person who you desperately wanted to know, though, was Leo

No matter how hard you tried, he always seemed to escape your clutches. You’d been worried for him ever since that first day on the ship, and after finding out he built it, you were dying to know more

“Venus only appeared when Reyna was alone, so I don’t think any men can come along,” Jason said. Yet again, you were splitting up for another quest. This time, it was seeking the ghost of the Battery, who you’d deduced was Venus, the goddess of love. Suddenly, you had an idea

“Shouldn’t Leo come along? He’s her son, isn’t he? She’d show up for him,” you said, giving the boy a kind glance, which he averted. He really didn’t want to meet his mom. She didn’t care for him, so neither did he for her. If she cared, she wouldn’t have left him to fend for himself all those years. She was no better than his Aunt Rosa

Unfortunately, everyone on the ship agreed with you. Venus would probably be more helpful if her son was there. It was settled, you and Leo would go find the ghost of the Battery

The walk was awkward. This was the first time the two of you had been together since the first day on the ship. You made small talk, asking him about the ship and Camp Half-Blood. He thanked you for that day, and when you’d given him a toothy grin, your eyes sparkling, Leo felt as if Cupid had shot an arrow right through his heart. He couldn’t breathe. He’d never been more overwhelmed with love

“Lady Venus?” You said, your voice tentative as you looked around, suddenly doubting your plan. Immediately, she appeared in front of you. She was beautiful, with curly brown locks and fiery brown eyes. Her smile was kind, making you feel a warmth spread throughout your body. Then she noticed Leo. Instantly, her fiery eyes became sad, and… were those tears?

She floated past you and towards Leo, cupping his face in her hands. He flinched, about to pull away before remembering she’s a Goddess and could easily smite him if she were in a bad mood. His eyebrows remained furrowed, the crease in his forehead only deepening when she said, “my boy, my Leo. You’ve grown so beautifully.”

You could tell Leo’s relationship with his mother was strained, despite never meeting her. He scoffed, gaining the courage to remove her soft hands from his rigid face

“I am not your Leo. I am Esperanza Valdez’s Leo. She’s dead, in case you can’t recall. She died and you did nothing to stop it, nothing to ease the pain. I will never be your Leo. I’m only here for the sake of the quest, so please just tell us what we need to do and we’ll be on our way,” with every word, you could tell Venus’ heart shattered into several tiny pieces. Never in a million years did you think you’d see a Goddess look so heartbroken

She tried to reach out for him again, but this time, Leo didn’t let her, inching closer to you instead. Sighing, Venus opted to use her words, “look, I’m really sorry. You have no idea how bad I feel. I wanted to help you, really, but Zeus–”

“It’s always Zeus with you Gods, isn’t it? No, you don’t get to tell me you feel bad. You wouldn’t have survived an hour in my childhood. Do you know how horrible it felt, being wanted by no one? Do you have any idea how much it hurt finding out your own mother, the Goddess of love, didn’t do a single thing to help, choosing to leave you feeling unlovable instead? If you really loved me, you wouldn’t have given up just because of Zeus.”

Venus was quiet after that. You looked up at the sky, afraid Jupiter would strike you with his lightning bolt at this very moment, but he didn’t. With tears in her eyes, she said what was necessary and as soon as she was done, Leo got up and began walking away. You, however, stayed. You couldn’t help but feel a little bad for the Goddess, even though Leo was in the right

“He likes you,” she said, breaking the silence, “but he thinks he’s incapable of love, and it’s all my fault, I know, but I beg of you, please save my son before it's too late.” Her hand was tightly gripping yours, and you gave her a sad smile before going to catch up with Leo

You found him crying behind a bush. He had his face in his hands and sat with his knees touching his chest as horrible, gut-wrenching sobs left his open lips, desperate for some air. Calmly, you sat next to Leo. You didn’t do anything - no stupid words, no trying to fix his issues, you knew that wasn’t what he needed. Leo just needed some love. So you wrapped an arm around him and let him let it out on your shoulder

With the grass leaving indents on your skin and the light breeze cooling your bodies, Leo opened up. He didn’t say everything, but you got the gist of it all. You also got that seeing Venus face-to-face and crying afterwards had taken a load off of his back. With every word he said, Leo’s face seemed to brighten, his curls gaining shape and his eyes becoming a warmer shade of mahogany. The realisation hit you like a truck: he looked just like his mother

As the days passed, you paired with Leo for quests more often. He was more comfortable around you than any of the other crew members, which didn’t go unnoticed by them. They were glad Leo had found someone he could let loose with. Your journey across the Mediterranean continued and your friendship blossomed and bloomed, every late night conversation proving to Leo that maybe love was something he could achieve in this lifetime after all

Despite this, he kept his distance. A part of him was scared you stayed out of pity. As a son of Aphrodite, he knew that wasn’t true - he could read people like a book, after all. But he would never forget how his life is an endless loop. Just as he’d think he was finally getting a break, the universe would greet him with the worst event he’s ever experienced. Soon enough, something awful would happen. Something that’d push you away. You should be afraid of him, an unstable boy with extreme detachment issues and a history of bad relationships. What was there to love?

Everything. To you, there was everything to love about Leo. From the way he always had a piece of scrap metal to fiddle with in case he got nervous, to the way his nose would scrunch up when he’d laugh. Leo Valdez had ripped your heart out of your body and decided to keep it, and you were okay with that

Your confession had happened after Percy and Annabeth fell into Tartarus. Everyone was absolutely gutted, of course, but no one more than Leo. He blamed himself for their descent into the deep pits of hell, and you began to see him slowly go back to the Leo he once was, the Leo he was used to being. The difference was that this time, you were there

You forced him to give you and the others some of the watch shifts he’d assigned to himself. You made sure he ate and drank water and took care of himself. You were there to pick the pieces back up again

One night, it was just you and him

“Why do you do this? Am I not a burden to you?” Leo had asked, just as you were about to leave his room. After finding him half asleep at the wheel, you dragged him to bed, tucking him in yourself and making him swear not to leave until the morning

You turned, your eyes holding a mix of fondness and hurt. Not for yourself, but for the boy who has never looked into the mirror and seen a person worthy of loving. Your voice as clear as the sky above, you said, “because I love you. You could never be a burden to me, because I want to do this.”

“Why? Why do you love me?”

Making your way over to his bed, you sat on the edge, cupping his face, just like his mother did during your first adventure together. This time, he didn’t flinch. In fact, he seemed to melt under your touch. You felt anguish in your heart at this - no matter how much Leo insisted he should be alone, he still craved another

“Because you’re you. You’re sweet and you’re loyal and most of all, you’re so deserving of love. That’s more than enough reason for me.”

As Artemis rode her moon chariot across the starry sky, you shared a tender kiss. You saw Leo for everything he was - a black dog, a broken boy, the definition of the word ‘tragedy’, and chose to love him anyway

You weren’t afraid

#leo valdez x reader #leo valdez x you #leo valdez x y/n #leo valdez #leo valdez x fem reader #percy jackson #pjo #percy jackson x reader #pjo x reader #leo valdez fanfic #pjo fanfic #percy jackson fanfic #leo valdez drabble #aphrodite leo valdez #son of aphrodite leo valdez #aphrodite pjo #cynwrites

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metacrisisdoctor · 9 months

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one of my favorite things about ten's so called vanity is how it's really born out of what he, as nine, percieved rose's dream man to be and how he subconsciously manifested that when he regenerated. i think a lot about him saying "can you imagine me with no head? and don't say that's improvement." when the process starts and then the first thing he does is ask rose what she thinks, multiple times- both in born again and again in the christmas invasion (i can think of three times off the top of my head) and then that coming sort of full circle when cassandra is like "you've been looking, you like it." that's why she doesn't want him to regenerate in the stolen earth, because ten is everything she could ever want in an s/o.

and it's obviously not that rose wasn't physically to attracted to him as nine because objectively she clearly was, it's that he didn't see it that way and probably because he felt undeserving of that attraction but he also saw her flirt with men like adam and jack, and you can see how he aborbed that and infused it into ten with the pinstripes (adam) and the flirtatious nature or as they call it "dancing" of jack.

you could say this is all shallow but not only is his vanity physical, it's mental as well. think of the last thing nine says being that he was fantastic with a huge smile on his face because of rose's impact on his life and how that carries onto ten's "i'm very clever/brilliant/etc" to the point of arrogance sometimes.

he saw all that she wanted and that she was made of and it became part of him so deeply that rose cannot be seperated from the tenth doctor. it's objectively canon that what the doctor is feeling during a regeneration affects the next incarnation and what nine was feeling was absolute love for rose tyler, he was feeling hope and healing. and he was feeling, still, a sense of being finished - remember: telling rose to let the tardis die.

so you take all of this and remember how it not only explains how tentoo works: because he was born out of love for her TWICE- (in the parting of ways and again, the last thing tentoo remembers is running toward her in that street- looking happy for the first and last time in two seasons) but also explains why ten doesn't want to regenerate and why he doesn't want to go, despite feeling obviously suicidal again in the next doctor which has multiple allusions to rose in it.

both ways it's rose because rose runs so deeply in that incarnation of him that either he has to get to grow old with her or he has to change, but he doesn't want to change because when he does the change will be so drastic that it'll be like he died because it's what he needs to think/feel to keep moving forward, and that means leaving what he wanted to be, and what in one world IS, the doctor's ending and since how regeneration feelings affect the next incarnation this is a self fulfilling prophecy to a degree and is why eleven is able to move on and not look back. because otherwise it would've killed him. he had to regenerate so powerfully that the tardis exploded and changed with him. he had to regenerate like that because he never wanted to regenerate again because he was reborn to be rose's.

that's what it means to say to understand ten's character you have to respect the depth of his feelings for rose. like it's literally not optional.

#rambles

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mountedeverest · 14 days

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Fuck it Friday

Buck x Tommy Drabble 7x06 spec T (sorta)

A little tease! I've been reading the interviews, especially Lou's where he says he makes a "dramatic entrance" at Madney's wedding, and this is what I had in mind!! Rest of drabble under cut. Enjoy ! Tags ✨ @tizniz LMK if you'd like to be added/removed

"Who's that? Bringing in the groom?"

Somewhere off to Buck's side, some lady is pointing up at the sky. As the whipping sound of blades gets increasingly louder, Buck turns just in time to see the bird closing in, a worse-for-wear but alive Chim on it's passenger side waving at the wedding guests below.

Buck smiles.

"That would be my boyfriend."

The helicopter touches down on the patch of grass they had just cleared. The blades start winding down and Hen, ever the Best Woman, runs up to Chim who looks like he's just about to keel over. It doesn't take too long for Tommy to make his way out and around the chopper to join the other guests, but just as he emerges, Buck sees him, and he is not looking respectfully.

The suit Tommy's wearing is fitted. The first few buttons on his dress shirt are undone and his hair doesn't seem to have product, which means it's curly and moving with the wind. He's wearing his pilot sunglasses like he's out of fucking Top Gun.

Buck goes weak in the knees a little. Tommy is so cool.

What's more, when Tommy clocks him, he cracks the widest smile at Buck, all sunshine and puppy dogs. His nose scrunches up.

Buck practically runs to meet him halfway, and Tommy only has time to remove his sunglasses before Buck takes a hold of Tommy's face with both hands and crashes his whole mouth against his, full tongue. It is not a gentle kiss.

Never mind that Buck was supposed to soft launch his boyfriend.

Never mind that he'd only told a select few that he was out.

Never mind that they were currently very surrounded, by many people who knew them both yet were unaware of the new developpments.

Tommy goes with it, not necessarily one for extreme PDA, but his hands - huge, huge hands - wrap around Buck's sides to his lower back, gently stabilizing them both.

When they break apart for air after what could be qualified as a long time for a kiss, Tommy has this bewildered look on his face, like he'd just been hit in the face with something. In a sense, he had.

"You are... happy to see me?" Tommy's not really asking, more like he's trying to unscramble his brain after all of his braincells tragically died with the force impact of Buck's mind-numbing kiss.

"That was so, so hot." Buck grits through his teeth, cute aggression on full as his fingers twist in the short hair at the back of Tommy's head. "I'm not well."

"Down, boy." Tommy chuckles nervously, soothing Buck with a hand on his chest. He smiles coyly. "If you're good during the ceremony, maybe we can uh, find a less public place later to say hello."

If this was a cartoon, steam would come out of Buck's ears and nostrils, his heart would beat out of his chest, or he'd just explode. Real life comes close though, because Buck can feel himself flush all the way down to his toes. If his knees were a lil weak before, well, they're giving out now.

"Woah there!" Tommy catches him and keeps him upright as Buck finds his footing.

"This is what you do to me, Tommy." Buck says back in a somewhat strangled, accusatory tone.

Tommy only chortles, as he guides them towards the alley where, hopefully, there was gonna be a wedding soon.

#911 spoilers #911 abc #fanfiction #evan buckley #buck x tommy #bucktommy #kinley #can we just settle on a ship name already #tommy kinard #7x06 #7x06 spec

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shima-draws · 2 months

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Now that I've had time to Absorb mentally. Several things.

-Luffy going from overeating to swearing off eating entirely. Homie that CANNOT be good for you. And the fact that he's willing to not eat unless it's Sanji's food...that's so. INCREDIBLY significant. Bc it's been very clearly established how much Luffy LOVES food. His stomach is literally a black hole. Eating gives him strength and makes him happy. He enjoys food so much he steals it off other people's plates. He's so impatient when it comes to meals that he'll sneak into the kitchen to try and mooch before it's ready. And now he's refusing all that...for Sanji. He's going to sit there and starve himself, even though he doesn't like being hungry, even though food is one of the most important things to him, even though he has a CHOICE to eat and he CAN eat but he's not going to because it's not food Sanji made for him. The fact that food is such a central part of Luffy's character and who he is, and that we know he never does anything he doesn't want to do, it just makes me. GODDD. Why is he like this why are they like this I'm insane

-THE FACT THAT THEY LITERALLY DID THE MONTAGE OF ALL THEIR MEMORIES TOGETHER. JESUS CHRIST. That was a low blow. And also the gayest shit I've ever seen. Yeah let's just drive it in even further how important these two are to each other and how much it's tearing them both apart that Sanji's leaving by showing all their wonderful moments together. I was literally full on SOBBING at this point. Fucking RUDE smh

-Sanji being SO self sacrificial makes me want to cry I CANNOT with him rn,, It's to the point where he feels like he can't even rely on his nakama because he just wants to protect them. Like he could have easily told them what was going on. But he decided he'd chase them away, for their own safety, because Zeff's already in danger and Sanji can't risk losing his crew too. He couldn't bear to see any of them get hurt by the family that's been tormenting him for years. So he hurts HIMSELF by pushing them away. He loves them so so much that he's willing to cut ties with them completely and make them hate him so that they'll stay SAFE. GOD. Except Luffy sees right through that act bc he knows Sanji too well 😭 The fact that even Nami didn't realize that Sanji was just trying to protect them makes me so emo she really did think he'd been lying to them all along...GIRL have more faith in your nakama!!

-Luffy refusing to give up on Sanji, not ever, I'm going to explode, that is HIS nakama HIS cook and he won't stop until he can bring him home. BASHING my head against the wall

-Also I already talked about The Line in my last post but here I'll share my tags

I need to be put down I think I am so unwell rn

#SORRY. I'M SORRY. I JUST NEEDED TO GET MY THOUGHTS OUT #Oda was successful he put a bullet RIGHT through my heart. She is bleeding now. I am crying #Sanlu #Lusan #One Piece #WCI #Whole Cake Island #Sanji #Luffy #Monkey D Luffy #Black Leg Sanji #They are in LOVE your honor!!!#Things are rough rn but they'll work out I KNOW they will #Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt tho. CHRIST.#Feverishly rewriting their farewell as we speak. AKA Sanji kisses Luffy goodbye instead of beating him senseless #Shima speaks

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ofmoonlitmagic · 2 months

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( @exitiumstarters )

You could shoot them.

This was his fault. His best friend was dead...because of him. No, not just his best friend. His soulmate.

Her smiling face overlaid the lifeless body he saw now. On display. She would have hated to be on display like that, he thought as his bottom lip began to wobble.

Then we only have one option left. For sufficient proof, this calls for a thumb war competition.

i think my future best man would be on his best behavior...

you deserve some happiness after everything.

"I'm going to kill you all!" He roared, losing all composure. Hunters were on him in an instant, ready to go full Hunger Games on their guests. Not on his watch. So he stilled. Fell eerily calm. His sadness, his grief had never been his power. There would be time for grieving, but tonight, tonight was about vengeance. "I loved her more than I will ever love anything in this life," he murmured, his eyes shut on the tears that threatened to weaken him and they poured down his cheeks instead. "And now, I will kill more than 5 of you."

With a burst from the earth through his body, he freed himself of those who had him. His eyes turned to find Asher in the crowd, all their talk of getting everyone out seemed so distant now, of thinking he had hope enough to talk sense into the humans, and all he could give his friend now was an empty shake of his head.

I won’t leave with my people still here. My entire family is here, my girls...

What happened now...what they brought upon themselves...well, he'd always said it, hadn't he? It was inevitable.

"Sir Lysander!" He called, "get her out." His tone firm, accepting no argument, body hollow, and gaze determined. He knew the fairy would know who he meant. "The OEA has taken enough from me."

Now they would know what Briggs Mikaelson was like with half a soul. His eyes took in the room, though he wasn't looking for escape routes. Nah, he didn't need to escape. That was hardly the point now. Then he saw it: the open bar. Raising his hand, it all exploded, covering the floor around it. After all, they did say their crime scene was missing an accelerant, so he'd fix that mistake.

From his feet to the bar, a fire spread, consuming. "Thank you for the hospitality!" He hollered, shrugging off the cake-covered jacket. "And as we're all having such a fucking good time, no one's gonna leave." At his words, his fire spread along the corners of the room until he'd fully enclosed it.

"So I think, what we're gonna do now," he explained, feeling almost out of body and somehow very in body...as if he were always born to be this. A smirk graced his lips but it reached none of his features, "is kill you all. Because what you have failed to realize...is we're stronger." Bringing his hands in, the blaze followed his will, wrapping around a couple of the hunters as their screams filled the air.

"And you just killed the only person who could have stopped me." He could feel it, he'd never realized he could feel it. Collapsing to the ground as the fires died down, he took a few deep breaths as his eyes fluttered closed.

And when they opened again, the hues were amber. Turning to another, he growled, "no one leaves alive."

#exitium.starter #( briggs & open. )#violence tw #murder tw #grief tw #// AND THE HYBRID KING RISES.#you were warned...#also pls feel no need to match. i almost self para'd part of this but then just said fuck it

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gingerjunhan · 2 months

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xdinary heroes on valentines day

☆彡 happy Valentine’s Day everybody!! Sending you all so much love❣️

word count: 1019 | pronouns used: none | genre: fluff, established relationship | cws: eating, pet names (pretty, baby, beautiful), “the rizzness,” a single swear word, drinking, lmk if I missed something!

goo gunil

way too excited (pt. 1)

Gunil is pouring his love out to you in literally any way imaginable

like, look me in the eye and tell me this man wouldn’t put his jacket over a puddle for you to walk over 👁️👁️

fancy dinner

flowers

the works

it’s over the top in a romantic way, not in the decor and hearts type of way

“I love you every day, you know that right? Not just today.”

holding your hand across the table and looking lovingly into your eyes SISNSKSND hold me down

gets you an extravagant gift that you insist that he shouldn’t have gotten you but he literally does not care

showers you with compliments and affection 🫶🏻

he’s been planning this for weeks, it has to be perfect

he shows up at your door, flowers in hand

and when you open the door to greet him he just

melts

“You look… stunning.”

UGH GOO GUNIL ONE CHANCE 🧎🏻‍♀️

he can’t keep his eyes off of you

he’s head over heels, falling in love all over again

kim jungsu

Jungsu strikes me as the type to love love, so he’s so so so happy

he finally has an excuse (not that he needs one) to shower you with so much love and affection that you feel like you’ll be sick of him by the end of the day

really thoughtful date!!

if this is your first Valentine’s Day together, maybe he’ll take you back to the spot where you had your first date together 🥹

the sweetest softest boy ever!!

matching outfits are a must

“You look so pretty, baby!!”

the brightest smile when he looks at you

you know the one he gets when his eyes sparkle?

yeah, that one

keeps you close all day

like, don’t lift a finger because he’s doing everything for you

gotta show his baby how much he loves and appreciates them!

cheesy couples photos

cute gifts

lots of chocolate and sweets

Jungsu goes full out on Valentine’s Day and you can’t tell me I’m wrong

kwak jiseok

Jiseok is a little nervous because it has to be perfect

if he messes something up today, it’s over 💀

stresses the whole week beforehand to get everything planned

but when the day comes, it’s nothing short of perfection

dinner at your favorite place

a cute couples activity

like pottery painting or something

the smile never leaves his face

he feels so lucky to be spending this day with you, and he won’t let you forget that!

“I’m so glad we can do this together. I love you so much.”

sneaking kisses any time he can

and then giggling afterwards

he is at your every whim

you want ice cream? let’s go right now

getting out your wallet to pay for dinner? it’s on him

your wish is his command

Princess Treatment™️ all day for suuure

cute little gifts like a stuffed animal and some flowers or chocolates

at the end of the night, he lets you know how much fun he had!

god, he loves you so much he thinks he might explode 💥

oh seungmin

bro is cranking up the rizzness to levels you’ve never seen

the epitome of being a gentleman

fancy restaurant reservations

fancy outfit

hell, he probably bought you your outfit as a gift (your first of many today)

huge bouquet of flowers

if I could describe the evening in one word: expensive

bro is not cheaping out on this day

no no no

“Only the best for my baby.”

he PAMPERS you

soft gazes and gentle smiles

whispered praises whenever you get a moment alone

intertwined hands at any moment

if he doesn’t tell you he loved you or remind you how beautiful you are at least 10 times today he’s failed

multiple expensive gifts just because he can

someone help this poor man’s bank account

after your fancy date, things die down a bit

a relaxing evening at home

maybe a couple of drinks

face masks? why not

light some candles, pour some wine, and turn on a movie to finish up the evening

han hyeongjun

believe it or not, he’s feeling confident!!

it would be stereotypical, but the day would go smoothly

a sweet, handwritten card

a small bouquet of flowers

a box of chocolate

you can go to dinner if you want

or he could make you dinner! it’s up to you

I feel like Hyeongjun would shine in the gift department

like,, you are definitely getting something handmade!

he would make you a card out of crayons, construction paper, and glitter glue and you better LOVE IT 🫵🏻

sorry I got excited

he struggles a bit with showing affection, so he would use Valentine’s Day to make it up to you in a way?

does he follow the typical setup of the day? yes

but do either of you mind? no!

“I know it’s not much, but I just wanted to show you that I care about you.”

he sticks close by all day, trying his best to be a little more affectionate than normal

he would try to pack in the complements too

he tries his hardest, and it’s great!

overall, you have a really nice day full of love and thoughtful messages and gifts

lee jooyeon

way too excited (pt. 2)

cheesy decorations

giant teddy bear

rose petals

way too many candles

the works

he would definitely be the type to fill your bedroom with heart-shaped balloons and cover your bed with rose petals 💀

it’s cheesy, but he doesn’t care because he loves you

gives you all the sweet little treats a person could ask for

he would attempt (keyword: “attempt”) to bake you a cake

it’s the thought that counts, right? 🫶🏻

he gives me stay-at-home date vibes!

all your favorite snacks and candies are laid out for you, and your favorite movie/show is already cued up for you to watch

“I got all of my favorite person’s favorite things!”

he’s clinging to you

like, you might as well be wearing the same shirt

it’s a very chill evening full of sweet kisses, warm hugs, and lots of love 🫶🏻

taglist: @dazzlingligth , @mini-mews , @mxlly143 , @somethingaboutcheese , comment to be added!⁎⁺˳✧༚

#xdinary heroes x reader #xdinary heroes imagine #xdh x reader #xdh imagines #xdh fluff #ot6

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writingsofwesteros · 9 months

Note

Daenerys begins to wonder why their brother would request Aelyra's presence every night because of "his room being cold", when he could simply put on a fire. She denies the thought that her sweet older sister could be warming him in other ways. He hates them and her twin's a proper lady... right? Perhaps it's Viserys trying to show some kindness towards her because of Daenerys's impending marriage...?

Her delusions come crashing down when she decides to bathe a bit earlier before the Khal arrives, wanting time to prepare herself and mask her emotions. She's so lost in her mind, she doesn't hear the sound of water splashing nor the low moans from the already occupied room. Daenerys walks in to see Aelyra's top propped up on the ledge of the in ground tub while Viserys shoves her lower half against the wall with every thrust from behind. Aelyra's sure to be sore later, but she can never refuse Viserys these things, especially when she enjoys it so much.

Dany's mouth just falls open as she watches her twin's face and sees how rough Viserys is being with her. Her face warms as she listens to their loud moans and grunts, along with the sound of the water splashing around as their hips meet frantically. She quietly steps back to observe the situation, feeling jealousy start to cloud her mind. Daenerys watches Viserys pound into their sister, her beautiful breasts Dany got to see less and less often scraping against the stone, drawing louder noises out of her mouth.

Viserys surprises Dany when he pulls Aelyra up by her neck, making her back straighten against his front as he continues working his length into her as deep as he can. He smiles at her before kissing her deeply and spitting in her mouth once he pulls away. Dany watches in disbelief as Aelyra seems to like it, swallowing it down and shrieking as it somehow helps bring her over the edge. Daenerys's hungry eyes zero in on her twin's spasming body and tits that continue bouncing from the depravity down below. Dany can't help but feel lucky for stumbling upon this scene, particularly when she thinks about how this might be the first and last time she gets to see Aelyra's body on display like this.

Viserys continues to hold her to him as he chases his own high, slapping her ass to feel more vibrations against his cock. Aelyra throws her head back on his chest, their eyes meeting and he just absolutely explodes inside her. He lets his dick pump her full of cum before slapping her ass playfully. "You were being such a good girl until the end, you know how i get when you look at me like that..." he nuzzles his face against hers softly, resting his head on her neck now. "What do you say? Have we "filled this tub with luck" as you'd hoped? I don't see how this will help your sister, but I won't complain."

Aelyra just nuzzles back against him before her face flushes even more. "I may have made that up, but perhaps it will bring her fortune in her own future pregnancy." Daenerys can feel her heart stop when she hears that. Aelyra is pregnant? Right when Dany has to go away and she hasn't even told her? Daenerys can't stand another moment of her cruel brother being sweet to her twin, as if he didn't mistreat up until them just months ago. It almost feels soemewhat sacrilegious seeing him behaving this way. It was almost like he loved and cared for Aelyra, his smile bigger than it's ever been.

👑👑👑

Dany refuses to speak to either of her siblings, beyond what's necessary, though she feels bad for Aelyra. It's not her fault Viserys forced himself on her and corrupted her in the process. They leave all with the Dothraki and Dany can't help but feel happy that Viserys traded her for a crown. At least she can see Aelyra for now... prehaps even meet her sister's child, though she's not too eager about it still.

On the third day of her being wed, Daenerys hears louder cheers than normal from the Dothraki. She leaves her tent, only to find a circle forming around Aelyra as she bounces herself on Viserys's cock right next to the other Dothraki fucking & fighting on the ground. Khal Drogo makes Dany sit on his lap as he watches the Targaryen siblings and laughs loudly when one of his men jokingly tell him they gave him the wrong sister, as Aelyra "is likely as good at riding horseback as she is riding dick". Dany can't help but feel amazed as her previous thoughts about her siblings' relationship are proven wrong in front of everyone.

Daenerys feels like a pervert when her hips begin moving around and nipples harden from the sight. Drogo just laughs more, teasing her in his own tongue about how she's "hot for her twin sister." She may not understand a word he said, but she got the gist and though it shamed her, it only served to make her wetter. Daenerys straddles Drogo reverse cowgirl so she can keep her eyes on Aelyra, but makes no move to leave the Khal's lap. Drogo takes that as a sign and pulls her hips against his to rub his monster cock against her clothed pussy. They rut against each other, both enamored by the show being put on.

One of the Dothraki women get close to Aelyra, making Viserys almost get up to fight until he sees her attach her lips to Aelyra's protruding nipples. Aelyra cries out loudly, holding the woman's head to her tits as she starts orgasming. The woman rubs her stomach gently, loudly proclaiming the Dothraki word for pregnant to Aelyra in her excitement. Aelyra just smiles, nodding at her as she clings tighter to the foreign woman.

Daenerys watches as the tits she used to bury her own face in get sucked on by a stranger. The Dothraki woman adds to Dany's jealousy and pleasure, her hips moving faster against her new husband. She wishes she were her. It must be nice being able to fuck without shame; whenever, wherever and with whoever you want. Cheers ring out as Aelyra's news gets spread and they watch her body shudder in pleasure. The twins' orgasms hit fully around the same time, making Dany miss the view of Viserys' cream dripping from her twin sister.

Though if tonight is anything to go by, Daenerys would have plenty of chances to see it all again.

!!!!!!!!!!! OBSESSED !!! Dothraki and their public displays, thank you! I adore how Daenerys is so jealous ..oh i bet she loved the times they were sharing the bed. Poor Aelyra is just lost to the pleasure; you know he was whispering dirtily in her ear to get her to preform such acts.

#adore you #a debt to pay #i bow to you #the hottest!!!#👑💀 anon

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the-fo0l · 1 year

Text

Super fluffy Ethan Winters x reader headcanons

Notes: this was written in one of my 10 min "i love ethan winters" episodes, more written for me than anyone else, also happy new year

Warnings: established relationship, pure fluff, maybe too much fluff, obsessed bf

Ethan would like nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with you

Despite the fact that you've been together for a while now he still looks at you like he's experiencing love at first sight over and over again

Celebrates full and half anniversaries of things that aren't even important

"It's the half year anniversary of when you agreed to move in with me!"

".....That's why you got me flowers???"

Loves to see you passionate about things you like

Will listen intently when you talk about literally anything

If you hate someone, he automatically hates them too

Loves doing lovely-dovey, cringey couple things with you

Travelling, cooking and baking together, date night, movie night- just living out his dream romance story with the love of his life

He's an amazing cook i just know it

Makes you breakfast every day

And dinner, if you guys aren't doing out to eat

"How was work today?", you manage to ask before Ethan kisses you hello. "Good, but I couldn't stop thinking about you", he says with a small smile. "Ugh you say that everytime I ask about work...", you say with sarcastic annoyance. "Well it's true" a stupid love-struck grin now creeping onto his face.

His heart just about explodes when ever you do something for him

It could be the smallest thing

Bring him tea or soup when he's sick, tug the blanket up more and kiss his forehead -his body temp gets twice as hot with the way he's blushing

Of course he's very careful driving with you in the car but it is kinda hard to keep his eyes on the road when you're sitting next to him, looking so perfect

Sometimes you catch him casually humming that wedding tune (you know what i mean right)

At least like 70% of the pictures on his phone of you, plus a ton of screenshots of things to buy for you

He could be having a horrible day but seeing you automatically makes him feel better, and any sappy shows of affection from you make his whole week

Cuddling up to you is something he always looks forward to at the end of the each day

Staring into each other's eyes, holding your hand, running his fingers across your face, pressing gentle kisses to your skin and being as close as possible

At this point he has trouble going to sleep without hearing your voice, feeling your touch

Leaves you little notes, informative or just reminders of his love. Sometimes you'll write your response on them and leave them up for him to see later (he totally keeps all the notes you've replied to)

Hugs from behind, giving and receiving

His love for you never stopped growing. At this point it's hard to function without being in some sort of contact with you

He would not be able to handle fighting with you, let alone a break-up (not something you should even joke about, he'll cry)

Loves petnames beginning with "my". Cause that's right, he is yours, completely and utterly.

After one of your friends/acquaintances rather rudely joined the cafe date you and Ethan were on, Ethan's been in an awfully salty mood. Your hand holding his is likely the only thing keeping him from going off on the girl.

All the while she's going on and on about how perfect your relationship is and how unbelievable it is that she "hasn't found the perfect man yet".

"Of course you haven't met the perfect man," you lean in slightly, "I already have him".

Well, that certainly bettered Ethan's mood tenfold. He can only chuckle awkwardly as his face heats up and the corners of his mouth tug upwards. He doesn't say anything as you two continue talking, but you can't help but notice how his grip on your hand tightens, and how his other hand goes to encase it completely, gently toying with your rings with that lovesick look on his face.

#ethan winters x reader #resident evil fluff #ethan winters fluff #this is more for me than anyone else #resident evil x reader

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thecapricunt1616 · 21 days

Text

Blue Lotus - SxC One-Shot

♡ O/S Inspo: Blue Lotus - In Vedic Hindu tradition, the lotus represents enlightenment as well as purity. It is the symbol of the consciousness rising out of the mud of Maya and attaining its original nature or self-realization.

♡ Summary: Carmen accidentally almost checks out of life permanently due to a migraine fucking up his vision, and Sugar flips & sends him off to a trauma rehabilitation center, Syd is realizing she finds it extremely hard to stay away from him.

♡ W/C: 7,616

♡ Posted Date: 04/06/2024

♡ A/N: This is my first SydCarmy fic aaa!!! I have a hard time writing in 3rd unless its not my characters, so writing in 3rd for them was okay! This OS is all thanks to the LOML - the person who FULLY turned me into a #SydCarmy4Lifer - @gingergofastboatsmojito - This fic was HEAVILY - heavily, inspired by hers - Tucson, It can be found right ❀ here ❀ - My only request is you go read hers if you are going to read this one!! Her SydCarmy fics are the best, and the only ones I really read, give her a follow because her SydCarmy theories are also out of this world. Also, YES GINGER - Stardust is .... a horse - ol' girl TOLD THEM she'd always be watching!! If you'd like to meet Madame in her human form, mosey on over here - this fic also heavily inspired me to write for SydCarmy hahaha. If y'all want more of Blue Lotus let me know! I have ideas for a PT 2 if it would fancy anyone :)

♡ Warnings for BTC: Accidental OD , Vomit, Sad Syd, but fluffy kinda!! Only lightly edited (we die like men), OC Carmy (IM SORRY) we all know he's down bad for her so maybe this can be considered IC Carm, because were just in his head more then watching him? But that's all basically.

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

Carmen was sick as a dog. Well - physically- the mental demons never stopped nagging at his overall happiness level, but it had been a long time since he’d felt this horrible, physically speaking, at least.

His muscles were aching, to the point any brush on his skin left a dull pain in its wake. His throat was swollen and sore, he had a terrible fever- his head felt like it was so full of pressure that it would explode.

He’d never experienced a headache like this before. His vision was actually spotty, there were little blotches in his vision, that were... glowing? He wasn’t quite sure, it was beyond the realm of anything he’d ever felt or seen before.

That was what must have caused him to grab his black bottle of oxydose he’d gotten after a root canal he had a few months back- rather then his liquid Zyrtec cold and flu liquid medicine.

The pain in his head was so bad, he didn’t even question why the usual cherry flavor had been replaced with bubblegum, as he swallows straight from the bottle, before putting the cap back on and going back to the couch, collapsing in the nest of pillows and blankets.

It was only about 10 minutes, and Carmy was feeling fine- no…Carmen was feeling… amazing.

His limbs all felt very heavy, but he felt warm, and comfortable. As comfortable as he’d ever felt. He actually found himself thinking ‘have I ever felt this good?!’ And before he knew it, he was laughing to himself about how he should double dose cold medicine more often, because he felt as if he was on cloud fucking nine.

He laid back on the couch, closing his eyes, and wasn’t sure just how long he laid there that way. It could have been minutes, hours, days for all he knew. The only thing he was thinking of, was her. He began wondering what she was doing right now, if she was adorably leaned over the counter, writing in her little notebook- her braids cascaded over her face like a beautiful beaded curtain.

If the blood in his arms hadn’t been replaced with cement, he’d have grabbed his phone and called her, and poured out his entire heart to her. Because nothing else in the world right now mattered. Carmen had no other thoughts, the past didn’t exist, nor did the future. The only thing that existed in this world at this very moment, was Sydney.

‘Psssst’

Carmen opens his heavy lids, just barely, his vision was blurry and almost doubled. “Mmm?” He hums, not even sure if he heard someone- or why he would hear someone. He lived alone, and didn’t hear anyone come in.

‘Yo. Dipshit.’ Carmen knew that voice anywhere.

“What?” Carmy looked around, and knew something was very amiss, when his brother was standing there in his living room, looking at him. He had this ethereal glow to him.

“What the fuck” Carmen said, sitting back on the couch, rubbing his eyes.

‘You’re nodding out right now. Here’s what y’gonna do.’

Carmen couldn’t do anything but nod his head obediently, was Mikey really here? He couldn’t be- he was hallucinating.

“Monkey are you here?” Carmen asks softly, rubbing his eyes again to see if he would disappear. He didn’t.

‘I’m as here as you’ll be if Y’don’t listen. Crawl to the fucking bathroom and throw up. She’s gonna be here f’you, don’t fight her’

Before Carmy could look back at him and question what he meant - he was gone.

Carmen suddenly felt…much too hot. He tried getting up, but narrowly missed bashing his skull on the coffee table trying to get to the bathroom, so he decided to take his wise older brother's advice and crawl there instead.

He didn’t finish the journey, though. He actually collapsed in the bathroom a few feet in front of the toilet, luckily on his stomach.

He was catching all sorts of luck today, because Syd had insisted she go and check on Carmy, as he was supposed to be at work today but hadn’t said a word- and that was nothing like him.

She got the extra key from Nat, and told her she would go check because ‘Pregnant women have by nature weaker immune systems’ and would blame herself if she ‘let Carmen get her sick’, so she convinced Sugar to let her go by herself.

When Sydney had opened the door, the first thing that greeted her was loads of empty Gatorade bottles on the coffee table near the couch, and a random French cooking show playing on the tv.

“Carm?” She calls, but when she saw one of his feet sticking out from the bathroom, she dropped her bag and ran, gasping when she saw him splayed out there in a puddle of vomit, looking sickly pale, with dark blue lips and fingertips.

“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO YOURSELF!” She shrieked, getting him on his side as fast as she could and quickly pushing the emergency button on her phone, putting the call on speaker and setting it to the bathroom counter.

“Carmen? CARMEN! Wake up!” She slapped his arm, shaking him violently. “Carmen! Oh- oh god.” She said nervously.

‘911 do you need fire, medical, or police?’ The woman at the other end says.

“Medical! Medical my friend- oh god Carmen” she shakes his shoulders.

“Okay what’s your emergency?” The operator asks

“Uhh- I- he’s- so he’s thrown up, he’s passed out, his pulse is weak- he- his lips- t-they’re blue. oh Carmy” she touches his cold clammy forehead. “He- he’s- he’s cold oh my god why is he COLD can you fucking send someone Jesus Christ!” Sydney snaps angrily.

“Okay- it sounds like he is having an opioid crisis ma’am, do you have narcan available?” The operator asked her and Syds heart drops.

“No- what? No! He- he wouldn’t- his brother- he…get here!” She said frantically and quickly told her the address of Carmen’s apartment complex.

“Yes, yes you’re calling on an Iphone, ma’am - we have your exact coordinates. Just in case - do not try to make him throw up more, make sure his airway is clear- what is your name?” The woman asked her.

“Sydney- my name is fucking Sydney - but it doesn’t matter! He matters! My god! His name is Carmen- C-Carmen fucking Berzatto! Put that in your notes lady! He- he’s 31- where the fuck is the ambulance?!” She uses all of her strength to get him leaned up against the counter.

His vomit was getting everywhere, but she didn’t care. She couldn’t find a way to care, the only thing that mattered to her was that each breath Carmy was taking looked more and more difficult.

“They are en route! Remain calm, how long have you known this friend?” The Operator tried to distract Sydney, since there was only so much you could do for an OD patient if there was no narcan.

“He- he’s my…my partner we run a restaurant together. This doesn’t matter! Save him. Please! I can’t loose him!” She said, shaking his shoulders.

“Carmen! You fucking asshole! What did you do!!!” She shouts at him. “You would never do this! What did you do!!!” She couldn’t stop the tears from flowing, it didn’t matter though- Carmen wasn’t awake to see it.

No, Carmen was far, far away. Somewhere floating between life and death, he felt like he was being embraced in the warmest most comforting hug he’d ever felt, he’d never been more comfortable in his life.

But Syd, was in hell. Her own personal version of it. It felt like a lifetime before 2 paramedics came barreling into the bathroom, one of them holds Carmys head steady and the other sprays a full dosage of narcan in his nose.

Sydney stood in the corner near the shower, shaking hands cupping her face absolutely terrified.

Carmen was up now, nearly the second the paramedic hit the plunger release. He sits up with a gasp, eyes wide like a caged animal.

“What the fuck.” He mumbles, looking at both of them before meeting eyes with Syd.

“Syd?” He blinks a few times.

She lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding “you asshole” she grumbles, wiping her teary eyes.

“You’re home, you’re safe, you overdosed. Do you take opioids often?” The paramedic asked, putting a blood pressure cuff around Carmen’s arm.

“What? No- what the fuck don’t touch me!” Carmen snaps, ripping off the cuff and whipping it across the bathroom “stop- stop! Stop touching me- get away” he shouted angrily “I’m fine” he hissed.

“CARMEN!” Sydney barks, she’d never used that tone with him- so it was fair to say it very quickly got his attention.

“You will let them do their job, dick. I just- I- I find you in a puddle of your own vomit on the bathroom floor- I couldn’t wake you up! So now? you’re gonna listen to them.” She said angrily, grabbing the blood pressure cuff from next to her leg where it fell and handing it back to the paramedic.

“Give him your arm.” She snipped.

Carmen sits back against the bathroom wall like a dog being scolded, wordlessly offering his arm to the paramedic and keeping his gaze fixed on his lap.

“192 over 96” the paramedic told the other.

“Christ kid” the paramedic said, “gave you a fuckin dose of narcan and y’wired like y’re on coke” they helped him up and on the gurney.

“Hes- he’s gonna be okay?” Sydney asked anxiously, watching as they buckled him in by his hips and legs.

“He's gonna be fine in a day or so.” One of them responded. Carmen just looked away, the shame and embarrassment already looming over his mind like a huge storm cloud.

“I’m gonna…I’ll- I’ll clean up, and meet you at the hospital, ok? And I’ll have sugar meet you” she told Carmen and went over, giving him a hug.

He couldn’t understand. It made him slightly angry how sweet she was being to him. He was putting her out, he was fully fucking up her whole day- but all she was worried about was him.

“Syd..I’m fine. Thanks. But I’m fine. Don't- just…ugh no- please- I’ll do it. Just go- go home. take the day” He said, gently patting her back.

He wanted to throw his arms around her and never let go, he wanted to kiss her- he wanted to hold her and tell her he would never leave her again. He wanted to tell her he loved her.

But he didn’t. He wouldn’t, and he wasn’t sure if he ever would, or could for that matter, since he didn’t even realize yet that was what the feeling in his heart really meant.

“Thank god. Thank god you’re fine, Carm. What would I do without the biggest pain in my ass?” She teased.

Even though Carmen was hurting all over in a way he didn’t realize was possible, his lungs were aching, as was his entire body, and he felt as if the pressure behind his eyes were going to make them pop out - he smiled. It was slight, of course. But it was there.

“Couldn’t get rid’a’me if y’tried, Syd.” he told her.

The ride to the hospital was Carmen’s nightmare. They insisted on the stupid flashing lights and sirens, since his blood pressure was ‘dangerously high’ so he was at risk for a heart attack, and then rolling him out on a stretcher in front of all his neighbors was nothing short of a god damn dumpster fire.

He was never home, but like hell he’d ever intentionally show his face during the day again.

The hospital was even worse, he got plugged in to all these monitors and had an oxygen mask, got poked and prodded with needles, and was told he was being put on a 24 hour psych hold per hospital policy after an overdose- just in case he’d been trying to end his own life.

Sugar got there shortly after the nurses had finally let him be, when he heard her loudly telling them “CARMEN! BERZATTO! Like bear! B-e-r-z-a-t-t-o!!! Where IS HE !” He ripped off the oxygen mask, knowing if she saw him that way he’d never live it down.

Even though it really was helping ease the ache in his lungs and the pain in his head, he was willing to deal with it for his very pregnant sister not to worry.

Her heels click as she storms down the hall to his room, ripping the curtain back.

“Oh- Bear” she said, bursting into tears and rushing up to him, hugging him tightly. “Oh my god, bear. Never do that! What did you do? No- no- you aren’t in trouble, you aren’t in trouble, Carmen. I love you. You just worried me! You made Sydney cry Carmy! What the fuck- what happened?” She cupped his cheeks, observing his exhausted face.

“Oh you’re sick- you’re so sick- Carmy” she felt his forehead and cheeks with the back of her hand like she did when they were kids. “It was an accident, right, right Bear? You wouldn’t do this?” She said, more pleading him than asking.

“No. No. No sug, no- I- I’d never. I just fucked up! I’m fine. I’m fine. C’mere” he hugs her close, kissing her head gently. “Stress isn’t good for the baby bear” he joked, hoping it would get her to lighten up.

“Carmy stop” she pushed away, looking at him seriously. “No. No. This isn’t okay- nothing - nothing about this is okay, bear! You almost died! Syd said- “ she shook her head. “Carmy. I- we can’t do this. We can’t. You’re right.” She sniffled, sitting back in the chair next to his hospital bed and wiping her tears.

“What- what do you mean?” He sat up a bit.

“I- if you….i can’t watch you like this anymore, Carmy. I can’t- I can’t see you wither away. Fucking emotionally anymore. It’s killing me. It’s hurting-“ she took a shaking breath.

“It’s hurting your niece. Carmen. I can’t do it anymore. here.” She dug around her purse, pulling out a brochure.

“Go- go. Get out of fucking Chicago, Carm. This place- I-i heard of it” she sniffled “its stupid-“ she laughed a bit, shaking her head. “So stupid, fuckin this..this Astrologer. She said in her podcast that this is the best place to go based on the location? I dunno…it’s a therapy place” she said.

Carmen looked at the Brochure, his brows raising.

‘Blue Lotus Trauma Therapy Rehabilitation Center’ the front contained photos of absolutely breathtaking pine trees, mountains, as well as red cabins.

‘Blue Lotus is tucked safely away on Big Bear Lake in Big Bear, CA. Come and experience an inpatient by day, outpatient by night 30 day program, along with 15 days of sole inpatient TF-CBT therapy, focused on your direct needs as a patient. We specialize here at Big Bear in Equestrian Therapy, and Cattle Therapy. Enjoy hiking on hundreds of miles of breathtaking trails, and get to know the stunning haven that is Big Bear, California.’

“Horses.” Carmen looks at her, unwavered.

“Yes! They say they like- get us or something? You’ll be back before I give birth. Go. Carmen. Go. Or- or I can’t work there, anymore it-“ she shakes her head, looking down at her swollen belly as hot thick tears stream down her cheeks. “It’s like watching Michael…again. In a different way” she said quietly, wiping her face and looking up at him once again. “Please.” She whispered.

He shook his head, setting the stupid brochure down on the bedside table and laying back in the bed, grabbing the oxygen since his head was beginning to pound again and putting it back over his face, averting her worried gaze.

“I don’t have the energy to call these people” he muttered, closing his eyes and resting his head back, hoping that would be the end of the conversation.

“I- I already got you a bed. I called them…on the way over- I begged them. And they are willing to take you, Carmy. Please. I’ll pick your cabin and everything - you- you stay in a cabin after the 15 days and then for 30 you go back and forth. It sounds so nice, bear. I know they’re gonna take such good care of you think about it- please- will you go?” she got up, pulling him into a hug.

“Thank you” she whispered after a few moments when he didn’t decline her.

Carmen didn’t reply. If Sugar really thought that stupid place would make him ‘change’ (if that was even possible) and if she really felt as if it was affecting her child that was growing inside of her- he would give it a try. Even though he felt as if it would be just another money pit in the name of ‘mental health’ that didn’t do a thing.

“There’s dead man walkin’!” Richie said, Syd following in behind him.

“Stop! Don’t call him that Richie it was scary!” Syd shoves his shoulder.

Carmen grabbed the brochure, quickly tucking it under the blanket.

“Fuck you, cousin” Carmy said, his voice all nasally and low from his flu or whatever the fuck he’d picked up, that had led him to giving himself a cocktail of meds that almost sent him to Michael prematurely by total mistake.

“Carmen is leaving. As soon as he’s released. So- get your time in he won’t be home for a month or two” Sugar said and sat down, not budging on the issue.

Carm just rolled his eyes, laying his head back and wanting to melt into a puddle on the floor, but at the same time, he also wanted to pull Syd into the stupidly small hospital bed, and hold her to him, never letting her go.

“You are?” Syd asked, coming to his bedside and meeting his gaze.

He just stared at her. Wordlessly, he pulled out the crumpled brochure and offered it to her. She took it, looking at it. Richie comes over as well, peeking over Syd’s shoulder to read.

“Equestrian therapy? Gonna go play with some horsies Carm?” He teased, his smugness being wiped off his face when Syd stomps on his foot with most of her weight, causing him to whine in pain.

“Woops! Maybe you should learn some personal fucking space asshole” she shoved back in to him so he would take a few steps back.

“Ow!” He said dramatically, plopping next to Sugar who was also glaring at him with equal fire.

“Okay- okay- sorry fuckin hell. The kid is fine” he said and Carmen motions to him.

“See! See! Jagoff is right sometimes” he said to Syd and she shook her head.

“This…is good. This is really good. I’m for this.” She said, looking at Sugar before handing the brochure back to him. “I’m… gonna miss you, but…you need to get the fuck out. Like really, out, Carm.” She told him.

He sighed deeply, resting his head back and closing his eyes once more.

Whatever will make Syd happy, he would do, no matter the amount of discomfort it brought him.

“Fine.” He mumbled.

“Really?” Sugar asked him and he looked over at her, brows slightly furrowed.

“Want me to fuckin fight you about it?” He snipped, already annoyed with how easy he was giving in- but he was too exhausted to fight, and Syds lavender perfume was so comforting, and so familiar. He just wanted everyone except Syd to leave, and to be able to hold her.

That wasn’t going to happen though, probably ever was what he’d told himself. No, that would be too good, the universe would be much too kind to Carmy as to let him have the ultimate pleasure and enjoyment that would come from being with her in that way.

“No…no. I’m sorry. Thank you, Bear. I know this is gonna be good” Sugar said quietly.

The doctor came in, saving Carmen from the uncomfortable conversation. “Hello again, Mr.Berzatto. I have your results here- is this okay company? If not I can have them step out for a moment” she’d said.

Carmen had already completely forgotten her name, her name to him was simple - not Claire. Which was the only good thing to happen to him today.

“As long as I’m not dying cause these two will pitch a fit. You can go ahead” he said, sitting up slightly in the bed.

“No, no. you are very healthy, well- for the most part. Does your family have a history of high blood pressure?” She asked, sitting in the rolling chair next to the bed and holding her tablet in her lap.

“Dad. Dad did, bear.” Sugar said.

“Oh! Lovely- and did dad also have chronic treatment resistant depression?” The doctor turns to her.

“I- I don’t know but…I know he was depressed for sure.” Sugar replied honestly.

“And I know per your file you’re a smoker, heavy or moderate?” The doctor asked

“Heavy” Syd buts in and Carmen didn’t even have the energy to fight either of the women.

“So heavy is a pack plus a day does that sound average?” The doctor asked Carmy and he nods a bit.

“Sometimes…sometimes two. Depending on uh…how shit is” he cleared his throat.

“Yeah, so we’re gonna need to reduce as much as we possibly can. And we’re also going to speak about treatment options. Have you ever done mental therapy?” She asked Carmen.

“He’s getting help. Don’t worry” Sugar said, “he’s going to do a therapy program. Blue lotus? Heard of it?” She asked.

The doctor nods with a slight smile. “That would be wonderful for you, by the looks of your chart.” She got up.

“Visiting hours are over at 10 pm, he will need to remain here until at least 1 pm tomorrow afternoon- then he’s yours.” She headed towards the door, shutting the privacy curtain behind her before closing the door.

Richie chuckled “hack job name” he muttered, rubbing his face tiredly.

“What was her name?” Sugar looked over at him.

“Doctor Ginseng?” He said, “isn’t that a- a fuckin-“

“A root. A very expensive, luxurious root. It can be put into tea, or soup…the native people of China believe it has properties that make your body better deal with stress” Syd said absentmindedly, staring at the clock while nervously twirling the end of one of her braids.

“She got it” Carm said and the corners of his lips tugged into a smile, just a bit. He absolutely adored the way if Syd wasn’t beating him to the punch when someone asked a random food question- that she was teaching him something.

Even after years in the kitchen, the hundreds of hours watching cooking shows, Sydney still managed to teach him. He was utterly amazed by her every single day.

“That’s a good idea. I- I think we have some. Back at the restaurant. All the stuff here will be shit- I’m gonna make you tea. And soup.” she got up, grabbing her bag. “Don’t fucking die when I’m gone, Kay? Guess you need that reminder now” she told him.

He rolled his eyes slightly “Y’don’t have t’fuckin make me tea Syd. I’m fine.” He said, but something deep inside him yearned for Syd to take care of him. He craved it.

“I’m making the tea, and you’re drinking the tea. Be back soon” she said before heading out.

Sydney had stuffed Carm full of pastina chicken soup and warm ginseng tea with lemon, ginger root, and plenty of local honey. As well as sourdough bread that Marcus had made fresh that morning.

They sat and talked, just the two of them for hours until visiting hours were over. The nurse had to actually warn them both that she’d told them 4 times already it was past visiting hours and she ‘wasn’t afraid to have people removed’ before Sydney finally hugged Carmy goodbye and left.

They both took his leaving for 45 days extremely serious. They’d joked together about just how quickly and casually Sugar had whipped out the information, all put together so neatly - it was quite obvious she’d been waiting for an opportunity to ship Carmen off here.

They laughed a bit, and shared stories, and of course Carm answered any and every question Syd had about running the restaurant on her own while he was going to be away.

Syd had even pulled a chair up to the bed at one point, resting her legs across the mattress after taking her shoes off, and her legs were draped across his own. He didn’t dare say anything, though. He was relishing in the feeling of closeness with her, even if it was as close as they’d ever be.

Syd had actually made him so excited that the nurse had come in when she first came back and Carmy realized they’d be alone, to realize he was perfectly fine- his heart had just settled at a new pace since she was around.

He was feeling worlds better by the time he’d gotten to the airport on Sunday morning. He’d spent the rest of Saturday evening at Sugars after he’d been discharged from the hospital, and had one last close family meal with Syd, Richie, Nat, and Pete, well, Pete was a must - he couldn’t uninvite the man from his own house, unfortunately.

Carmen would be in a hotel in Big Bear, California by nightfall, and by the following morning he’d be starting his 15 day inpatient stint at ‘Blue Lotus Trauma Therapy Rehabilitation Center’ tucked away on a farm, in a dip of Big Bear Lake. How fitting.

The parking lot of the airport was full of tears, not from Carmy- of course, but a very tearful Sugar, who’d conveniently spent the rest of his hospital stay packing him 2 weeks of clothes to cycle through, explaining phones were allowed- but they gave the toiletries, since it was a mental health center after all.

She kept hugging him, kissing his cheeks- as if she was sending him to war and not a fucking treatment center. “Is there…somethin’ I’m missing- am I never coming back er somethin are you selling me to some weird chef collector?” Carmen teased, getting at least a small giggle from her.

“God no. I just… this will work Carmy. It has to work. You’ll get better, okay? It’ll all be fine.” She wiped her face. He nodded a bit.

“It’ll work.” He said, he wasn’t sure if he believed it- but if it got her to stop feeling so sad, he would agree.

“I love you, be safe ok?” She said for the millionth time “and remember look at your phone I sent you-“

“The flight number, Nat. I love you. Thank you again” he kissed her cheek, grabbing his suitcase and opening his texts, clicking his flight number she sent him.

“Gate D11! Thank you Nat. Gotta go now- unless…” he teased.

She smiled a bit, finally. “Get out of Chicago.” She pat his arm gently and got back in the car to a waiting Pete.

The flight was okay, it felt much longer than he was expecting, but his anxiety told him a lot of things- he couldn’t trust minute things such as time and how he understands it anymore. The first thing he noticed upon landing was the stunning green, and the crisp air.

The air felt…cleaner, then Chicago. It was chilly- since fall was quickly approaching. Carmen was suddenly grateful Nat had him put on a hoodie before leaving this afternoon. He had the entire evening to explore, and not be himself.

He already was feeling some kind of new. He wasn’t here to work, definitely not to play, but he could enjoy himself, because he didn’t have to be him. At least not for the night. He opened the Uber app on his phone, booking a trip to the hotel to check in.

When he’d gotten to the hotel and showered, dressing in some vintage Levi’s and a white long sleeve in trade for his short sleeve, along with his favorite plaid jacket. He had to get somewhere to see how people live here, how to be apart here, so he didn’t stick out like a sore thumb at this rehab place.

He’d grabbed his backpack, slinging it over his shoulders and opened Apple Maps on his phone, looking for a park to go sit at and just be. He found a park close by, simply called ‘BearHill Park’ and following the walking directions.

He’d missed his ventures to various parks in New York, but especially in Copenhagen. Copenhagen had the most beautiful sunsets Carmen had ever seen before. He missed it sometimes, not the work, but the life. It felt worlds more simple then his life now, where every relationship, every aspect of his job- was dripping with difficulty to manage it all.

When he got to the park, he’d found an oak tree that looked well over 200 years old, getting situated under it and resting against the trunk, taking out a cigarette and lighting it.

He watched a couple and a baby walking by, carefully though as he’d learned quickly as a child most people don’t take kindly to being looked at for more then a few moments at a time. But Carmen didn’t watch people in an odd way, of course. He was just wanting to observe, see how he should be. And in a place so new, so out of his ordinary all by himself, it was gonna take a lot of observing to get himself readjusted.

He watched as the father pushed the carriage along, the mother holding his hand happily. They were far away so he couldn’t hear what they were speaking about, but it must be funny because their heads were tilted back in laughter multiple points throughout the conversation as they continued on.

He continued on his cigarette, his eyes now finding a younger couple. He sat up a bit, leaning further against the tree to get a better look. From behind, the woman reminded him a lot of Syd, of course it wasn’t- but it was also the way her boyfriend or- husband- Carmen wasn’t emotionally advanced enough to look for a ring, he’d never needed to before.

It was how his arms were covered in tattoos, and his hair was a muss of dirty blonde curls like his. It was how the woman was beautifully tall, with stunning long black braids, and a floral scarf tied around the top of her head. She was much more…boisterous then Syd, but none the less. They looked like them in another world.

So not only, has this other man, found his Syd, the universe was determined to rub Carmen’s nose in it, or that’s how he took it, anyhow.

He scoffed a bit, rolling his eyes and looking the other way. Of course. He thought. Everyone can be happy but me. I’m headed to adult crazy camp! And those two are just, fuckin happy and in love.

The girl laughed loudly, causing Carmen to look back over. “CAMREN!” She squeaked as he tickled her. “Cam! Stop- I-I can’t breathe!! You asshole” she punched his shoulder playfully.

“Do you give up?! Say it!!!” The man countered, continuing the assault on her sides.

“No- NO! This- this is cheating!” She said, interrupted by her own laughs.

“Cheating?! No, I'm getting what’s rightfully mine Scarlett!” He pinned her arms above her head.

Carmen now looked away. He couldn’t help but think of Syd while watching them, and think of everything he was too pussy to pull off. He wished he could take Syd somewhere like this, but who would run the restaurant, and why would she say yes.

He’d finished his cigarette by the time the couple had left and he took out his sketchbook and the pen that lived inside of it. He looked at the recipe on his phone Syd had sent ‘Farro Mafaldine with browned Black Truffle Butter and Chanterelles mushrooms’

He had tried it for her, and he actually told her he wanted another bite to be sure he was ‘getting everything’ when really- it was just so fantastic he couldn’t stop at one single bite.

“Syd that is…wow. Really, really fuckin fire. If it weren’t for the mushroom, we’d need that on the permanent menu. Have you tried others?” He’d asked.

Syd just smiled and nodded, a lot of times she was around Carmen- she thanked god for her darker complexion, considering he made her feel overly hot, all the time. Nearly every time he spoke to her, and she wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t always this way. But ever since they opened the restaurant together- things had changed between them. Not for better, not for worse, the energy just… shifted.

Carmen got lost in thought of Syd, and before he could realize what he was doing- he was drawing her. He rested his elbow on his knee, crouched over as he added details to each intricate little braid. It was one of Carmen’s favorite things about Sydney.

No matter how she wore her hair, she looked absolutely beautiful. The braids, he did have to admit, were his favorite. Maybe it was because it was how her hair was when they met, but they interested him. He wanted to sit and watch her doing them. She told him a while back, she did them herself.

Apparently, her mother wasn’t able to teach her- but she had cousins that could. She says it was usually much more expensive to have it done then just do it yourself, that part made sense to him. He was really impressed the first time he told her, she laughed a bit at that.

‘Most of us do our own hair, I mean- unless you got it like that. But otherwise, just like the white girls we have to do it on our own’ Carmen blushed, feeling silly for not realizing.

‘Yeah- yeah I..I get that but. I dunno…I’ve seen Sug do her hair…it seems easier” he rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

‘Oh, well yeah, that’s why I only do mine every 6 weeks!’ She’d said, wiping down the counter.

‘Really? Well that’s cool. I thought you like…I dunno.’ He chuckled a bit.

‘That I went home, took out 200 plus braids, and then put them all back in before I come in every day?’ She teased.

Now Carmen’s cheeks were bright red. ‘Okay- listen I’m not a girl. I wouldn’t know’

Carmen caught himself smiling at the memory. He looked up at the setting sky, and his heart fluttered a bit at the beauty of it. He’d realized he’d sat there now for probably 5 hours, his back was aching, but he didn’t care.

He didn’t care because this was the most at peace he’d felt since moving back to the states. And he was alone. He snapped a photo of the gorgeous sunset with his phone, hitting the send button and hovering over Syds name for a moment, before deciding to click it.

She did tell him to text her when she got settled in after all.

In CA - this place lives up to the name. Never seen so many bear statues in my life.

He sends the text, with the photo attached, not even realizing the photo had been a live capture, and you could fully see the drawing of Syd for half a second if you held the photo down.

He put his phone back in his pocket, continuing on his drawing. Back in Chicago, Syd was very glad that she was working today- because the only thing on her mind otherwise was one single person.

“Okay guys! I need some hands here- we got 3 dishes for table 13 let’s move! Keep up the pace!” She called out. She had already been here 12 hours, and wasn’t planning on being out for another 6.

It was just how Sydney operated - she couldn’t sit and worry about Carmen. It would just unearth emotions she didn’t want to go searching for, and once they came up she was worried it would ruin absolutely everything she’d worked so hard to maintain.

And back across the country, 2,000 miles away, Carmen was contently packing his backpack, getting up, and heading to a small diner he’d seen. He enjoyed a quiet burger to himself, in the corner booth, looking out the window at the water.

The place truly was beautiful, and very hidden away. There were barely any cars here, it was fully the opposite of anywhere he’d stayed long term, and he was beginning to feel as if he needed that, he wouldn’t admit that to sugar, though.

He’d gone back to his hotel, taken a shower, gotten in his pajamas, and was laid in bed, watching some random cooking show on the food network since the TV unfortunately didn’t have YouTube like his did.

When Sydney had seen the photo, she almost didn’t realize it was live at first. She was also at home, finally in bed- but she was 2 hours ahead of Carmen- so instead of it being 11 pm- it was 1 am. She’d scrubbed the restaurant floor until she was sure someone could eat off it, and made sure every station was in perfect condition before returning home.

She laid in bed with sore hands, a sore back, and sore knees, and sore- well, everything. When she finally had checked her phone and seen it. She smiled a bit at the comment about the bear statues, clicking the photo open to see more.

It was a breathtaking sunset for sure. She went to close the photo, her thumb lingering because she saw a speck of white in the corner- and the photo started moving. For just a short moment she sees…. Herself? On the page of Carmen’s sketchbook.

She could feel her heart thumping in her throat. Why would he be drawing her? Unless- no! Keep the emotions buried! He is sick. He is so depressed- treatment resistant depression the doctor had said his chart showed.

She swallowed thickly, not sure what to say back. Should she just ignore it? Should she mention it boldly? Should she just…forget about it and convince herself it didn’t happen?

She typed and retyped the message multiple times, smiling to herself a bit as she jokingly typed out ‘pretty sunset, even prettier drawing.’ Before deleting it and retyping before hitting send;

fire sunset. so I take it big bear is treating the bear well so far?

Carmen looked at the message right away, smiling to himself a bit. She’d never called him bear before, something about it made his heart begin to race.

According to Nat, bear+big bear = depression gone, I’ll let you know in a few days if that's the truth.

He wasn’t sure about the whole equestrian therapy thing still, but he did know that being here seemed to allow him to breathe a little easier- and he was already here, so he would try.

The first 5 days in the inpatient program were…quite the adjustment. That was because it was what he learned was the most intensive part of the treatment, and meant to break down your walls by setting you in a hard routine so you had no choice but to think about your shit.

This included a wake-up time of 6 am, the lights in his inpatient room literally turned on, then at 7:30 was breakfast, then- at 8 am they had 1 hour of either equestrian class, which you learned how to begin caring for the horses, or an hour of tending to the cows - Carmen chose the Horses because he was not going to shovel cow shit.

Then, you had a therapy class of your choice from 9-11:30, he chose art therapy. It didn’t feel like therapy to him, they got to draw, or paint. Carmen just sat by the window, drawing different recipes - or, more often than not, drawing Syd from memory.

12:00 was lunch, 12:30-2:00 you had mandatory either equestrian therapy, or cattle therapy. Carmen was more drawn towards the cattle on hard days, and the horses on easier ones. This was because the hour of 3-4 was mandatory group therapy. That usually emotionally drained him until at least art therapy the following day, since to progress and complete the program- you need ‘participation points’ in your 15 day inpatient stay, before you’re trusted to be on your almost fully on your own for a whole 30 days.

The horses were usually nervous around new people, so it was a challange to get them to trust him. While the cows, people in the group joked- were ‘giant grass puppies’ the therapy consisted of literally just laying with the lazy cows and cuddling them, and feeding them snacks, which they very much enjoyed, and Carmen found to be very soothing once he learned to douse himself in bug spray before heading in the pen so the flys would be out of his way.

Then, dinner was at 5, and afterwards you had the evening to yourself in your room, or you could walk the trails until they closed at sunset. In your room you could watch tv, read, and the residents were also allowed to have their cellphones.

It was quite exhausting the first 5 days, but the second 5 he was getting into a groove at Blue Lotus. He was beginning to enjoy the hard manual work that came with working with the animals, and the time it took to build their trust. There was one particular horse Carmen had become fond of, a white horse named Stardust. Perfect name for her.

When he looked in her eyes she felt more human then most people he met in real life. She was different then the other horses. He’d been told that she rarely took to men, and that he was the only male she’d never need startled by. He always took extra time brushing her mane, and they both seemed to appreciate eachothers silence.

Carmen heard other people in stalls next to him, they would talk to the horses- dump their issues they were too afraid to tell their therapists out on them. He wondered if the horses ever got annoyed, he probably would if he was a horse. He smiled a bit at the thought, and it was almost as if Stardust could tell what he was thinking, because she turned her head and looked at him before snorting almost in agreement and sticking her head back out of the stall.

Getting into outpatient life at lotus though, was as easy as falling into bed for Carmen. His inpatient stay, he made sure to take the time in the evenings to learn his favorite quiet trails, the ones less taken usually, so when he graduated to outpatient - he could take stardust for rides on his own.

It took them about 3 days to get to know each other in that regard, it was mostly Carmen’s fault though he realized, because when he’d get nervous he’d pull on her reigns in such a way that she thought he meant for her to go faster - when it was the opposite. But, Stardust was so, so patient with Carmen.

He made sure to sneak her extra apples with a small drizzle of honey in return, so she knew her patience with him always came with great reward.

Carmen had been gone for about a month now, he and Syd would text intermittently, sugar was sure to call once a week and they’d talk for about an hour. But it was mostly quiet from Carmen’s end, he had told them it was because he was usually out, all day long unless he was at therapy.

It was day 19 of the outpatient part of the program, so he had just 11 days left. He had just finished his morning art therapy, and was in the stables tending to stardust, feeding her slices of pumpkin they’d had in the snack bucket for the horses today. “Come onnn- the tongue, really star” he wipes his wet hand on his jeans and she nudged his shoulder with his nose, asking for more.

“You are greedy! I’m always the first one in here y’gotta leave some for the rest of these guys!” He grabbed another piece of pumpkin, feeding it to her.

“And this is our horse stable, he spends a lot of time out here” Carmen heard one of the employees likely giving someone a tour, only half listening.

Stardust snorts at him, nudging his chest and he rubs her neck gently. “What is it? Y’done? Pumpkin not good enough for ya? No honey apples until after our ride or Y’don’t listen missy” he pats her head gently.

“I didn’t take you for a horse guy but I guess drop anyone off in the middle of nowhere and you’d be surprised. 34 days and you went full fuckin’ cowboy on me- are those boots, Carm? ” An all too familiar voice said from the large open sliding door of the stable He looked at stardust for a moment, he must be dreaming, or ODing again. Maybe he died, and had been dead the entire time. Because there was no way he could believe Sydney Adamu was standing behind him, 2000 miles away from their shared city, in Big Bear, California.

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡♡♡ ⋙

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se-07spaceoreos · 8 months

Text

Crescendo

Summary:

Wanda Maximoff hated being alone, since she could remember she always had someone. Pietro, Vision, William, Thomas, and for some time before Thanos. Before Vision, before her happily ever after.

There was you.

Words: 3294

WARNINGS: Fulff(?), Angst, Hydra, Death, If there are any more feel free to tell me!!

There was anger in grief, lonesomeness. This, Strange could understand. Wanda Maximoff was angry, at the world, at herself, at fate. Many people who grieve are, and many people who grieve are also desperate, even if they themselves don’t know it. Desperate for a lie that they’d take for a truth. Wanda was that kind of desperate, she was too desperate. Going from universe to universe in search of a family that she herself would call her own, but would not inherently belong to, living a life full of lies taken as the truth so she could get her happy ending. Stephan knows that, grief, desperation, longing. They all go hand in hand, but something about the way Wanda was searching was alarming. Wanda Maximoff, now the Scarlet Witch could have chosen any universe. In an existence filled with the void of time her children and husband were everywhere, yes maybe somewhere Thomas came out a bright blonde, maybe somewhere Vision was a brunette. But Wanda kept on going back to one universe and one universe only, and Stephen Strange had finally figured out why.

The Scarlet Witch only ever existed because of hydra, and where the Scarlet Witch resided so did your headstone. Wanda was not only searching for a universe with her children, but one with you in it, where you were alive.

The problem was, if you were alive, then the hydra experiments never happened, the bombs never exploded, Wanda never got tested on, in those worlds, her powers didn’t exist, rendering her powerless, and if she was powerless, she was trapped. She’s been trapped before, she didn’t like it. If she was trapped she couldn’t fight, if she was trapped she couldn’t fix times wrongdoings.

Wanda Maximoff kept coming back to this universe, because her happy ending was complete. She not only had her family, she had you.

You were what she wanted, and if she wanted you, then Strange needed you. But maybe not this you, not the you that Wanda wanted, but the you that Wanda had.

Drifting over Wundagore Mountain the Scarlet Witch took in her surroundings, scanned the area, listened to thoughts. As she listened, a smirk overtook her lips, they were scared. As they should be, who are they to keep her from an ending she wanted? An ending she deserved, she deserved a happy ending, she deserved to be loved, she deserved happiness. That’s what she wanted, and that’s what she’ll get. No matter what it takes, no matter who.

Where is he? He said he would be here- What if I die- I can’t thin- Maybe if I- We need help-Strange and Wong-The Scarlet Witc- The sky’s red-Why am I here

Although, it seems from what she's heard, Strange and the Inhuman have yet to arrive. Pity, she thought for a doctor he’d value the lives of others, just a little.

If they didn’t show, she was going to make them. Muttering words she raised her hand up, the sky above her slowly turned to a darker shade of red, the people beneath her began to drop one by one. Their sling rings may be able to teleport them. But you can’t escape the sky, you can’t run from the air you breathe.

The people that dropped started screaming.

And the Scarlet Witch? She finally got what she wanted. Stephen Strange had shown up, and to her enthusiasm, he wasn’t alone.

She started making her way over to him slowly, as fast as she wanted this to end she thinks that this part, she should at least cherish. Once she took this Inhuman, this girl. She would have everything she wanted, everything she craved.

As she watched the doctor mutter words of his own to clear the air, Wanda rolled her eyes. Doctors, scientists, people, they all had to make her life so difficult. The people that dropped screaming from nightmare induced sleep near Strange, slowly turned quiet, the thoughts of their fear that was just buzzing like the static of a television in a room turned quiet, and for a second, it was quiet where they stood. In that moment there was only a witch, with two people in her way.

Noticing the portal that Strange slung was still open, Wanda asked “Are we waiting for someone?” Her eyebrows came together, her lips curved into a smirk “Any army maybe?” She giggled, “You shouldn’t have, I’m flattered.”

Seeing a figure come through the portal, she lifted her arms, ready to fight.

Seeing only one person come through made her tilt her head “Wong?”

Hearing your thoughts made her eyes drift down, body rigid, breathing pause.

“Y/n?”

She called to you softly, hopefully. Like talking any other way would make the person before her disappear. The body before her looked to her head on, no longer turned. Wanda could see all of the person before her.

It was you, the exact you that left her.

While she was older, stronger, different. You hadn’t aged a day, your eyes were a little different then she remembered, your hair a little lighter, she would say your smile seemed different as well, but you weren't smiling, if anything, you had a crinkle between your eyes and lips pursed, looking around, lost, confused, but not scared.

Finally meeting her eyes, you softly called back to her “Wands?” Wands, she smiled, her teeth showing. It wasn’t a smirk, it didn’t come from an advancement in her plan, but instead came from a memory of the past. Wands, only you and only ever you would call her that.

You projected your thoughts; What's going on?

And her smile wavered, you were scared, and all of a sudden Wanda hated Strange. Not because he was an obstacle in her way, but because he brought back a monument from her past. He brought back you. Not the grown you, the healthy you, the alive you, the you in her wanted universe. But you. Her childhood best friend, her person to confide in, her once upon a time, and you were scared, but you were here. That’s all that mattered right?

She looked at you, once again, as she watched you grimace at the people waking up from their haze, some of them still silently screaming, some of them clutching their heads. Did you do this?

She wanted to lie, she really did, she even started shaking her head a bit to deny fault. But she could hear your thoughts, you already knew the answer.

In a hoarse voice you whispered “Why?”

She lowered her arms, slowly walking toward you. She didn’t pay any mind to the Inhuman, she didn’t care about Strange, or Wong. Not right now, not when there was you.

Pensive, all three of your onlookers stepped to the side. This is what Strange wanted to happen, he didn’t want anyone interfering.

Pinching the palm of her hand, the Scarlet Witch tried playing it off, attempting to laugh a little, hoping that the tension would subside, and that you would realize that this was her, and you were you. Just like old times, this is all she’s ever wanted, this was all she’d ever need. She’d just have to convince you a little.

“I- I want my family back” she whispered, eyes darting to avoid yours. “The one we always talked about, I wanted my picket white fence, and overgrown hedge, I wanted it back, I want it again” She stepped closer to you, apprehensively resting her hand on the side of your face, smiling when you leaned in to it. Words started rushing out of her mouth at the excitement she felt, she could have all of that, and she could have you. “I almost have it back, I did all of this so I could have it back, and I’m almost there, and- and now I have you- ” you put your hand on hers, “Wanda”

Wanda, the way you said it sounded so, foreign to her. The way you said it made her feel dejected, insecure, it made her feel as if you were, disappointed.

“This isn’t okay”

“No, no-” she tried to reason “But, it will be! Don’t you remember? I promised you, I said I’d do anything” Her words and her desperation mirrored her hands that seemed to be grasping at you, trying to pull you in but not being able to fully do it. Wanda put her head in the nap of your neck, and whispered “It’ll be great”

Staring at the wall Wanda twisted and twirled her fingers, childrens blocks encased in a red wisp floated behind her as she awaited your return. You were being punished, you both were. While you and Wanda were given serums that supposedly consisted of some of the same compounds, Wanda was making progress, you were not. While she could hear screams in her head, you would be asleep. While she could move objects with the movement of her fingers, you would have them in your hands. This normally wouldn’t be a problem, but as time went on the scientist expected some sort of results, and you hadn’t given any. Your time had been up.

“Wanda, you and I both know that this isn’t what you want- wanted” You started hugging her back. You could feel tears on your nape, “But it is” she whispered.

“But it isn’t”

Following you with worried eyes Wanda and Pietro both watched as the scientist made you stand up before them on a square platform, they wanted you to demonstrate moving the same blocks that Wanda had just moved. Even if it shifted a little, you would be spared.

Your eyes darted to the twins in fear, and you shifted your arm up, willing you hands to do something, for you mind to hear someone. Your hands started to shake.

There where disappointed sighs in the crowd, judgemental clicks of the tongue.

This was it, this was your end.

You started lowering your hands.

Then a block shifted.

And the disappointment turned to encouragement, and the clicks turned to claps, for themselves or you, you wouldn’t know, you didn’t care, because now you were scared.

Not for you.

But for Wanda.

You pulled back, looking into the eyes of someone you knew so well yet so little about. “Don’t you want to live more than a lie?”

In the confinements of your cell, you turned to Wanda, thinking out loud “Why would you do that? You know what could happen to you?” Wanda chuckled, like she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Do you know what almost happened to you!?” She stood in front of you, resisting the urge to point her finger at you in distress. “They were going to -get rid- of you, Y/N, you were going to get KILLED” You ran your hand over your scalp “I know that, but now what am I supposed to do next time? What are YOU supposed to do next time? Wanda, now it won’t only be me, it will be YOU”

Sitting on her bed her thoughts turned soft “They won’t kill me, you know that” You sat next to her “I know that” she started resting her head on your shoulder “I’ve been through it before, I can do it again” You brought your hand up to her shoulder, pressing her into you.

“I don’t want you to”

You both sat there, thinking, memorizing, these could be your last moments. “Why did you do it?” Wanda shifted in your hold. “I didn’t want you to get hurt. Why didn’t you want me too?” You sighed, “I didn’t want you to get hurt” Wanda smiled, and for a second, you did too, but you wanted her to listen, you didn’t want her to learn, not now.

“And I mean it, Wanda” She held onto you a little tighter, and rubbed circles with her fingers “Don’t do it next time” She pushed herself away. “Why? Why aren’t you happy that you’re alive?”

“Wanda, thank you for saving me, but if helping me is at the expense of you. Don’t do it” Tears started falling from her face, your hands started wiping them away. “I want you to get out of here, you and Pietro have a chance. I want you to be happy, to have a home, to be loved. You deserve it”

“I am happy! I will be happy! As long as I have you!”

You rested your hands at her shoulders, “Don’t lie, no one can be happy here”

“I’m not lying, I have you, and I have Pietro”

You pulled her in, wanting to leave this argument for later, not wanting to see her sob so hard, “You should live more life than a lie, Wands. Promise”

She sniffled, “I want too” she murmured, “But I also want to give up” Your grip around her tightened “But you won’t”

She nodded “But I won’t”

“So promise”

“I promise.”

“It-it’s not a lie, I do have you, and my family. The house? It’s exactly like the one we drew as kids! I am happy, I will be”

“It’s exactly what I wanted, what we wanted” she whispered.

“But it’s not yours”

The patter of feet and the giggle of children accompanied by the news filled the Maximoff household, Pietro was being chased by their father. You and Wanda were drawing pictures.

“Look” she said, wanting your attention. When you turned a drawing of a house came into view, “That’s pretty”

“Yep!” she said.

Taking a closer look you noticed seven figures, “Who’s next to your mom and dad? And you and Pietro?”

She shook her head “It’s not my family! It’s ours! Silly!” You stared at the drawing shocked, and loudly whispered “You want five kids?” She shook her head “Yeah!” “See, this one looks like you!” She pointed to a stick figure with eyes that supposedly were the same shade as yours. “Why? Do you not want any?” She asked. “Well, I just wanted one” you say, and she squinted her eyes, and stuck out her hand “Three?” you shook your head, “...Two?” you thought about it, and it made sense. Wanda and Pietro seemed to get along fairly well. You grasped her hand, “Deal”.

“I can make it mine” You nodded, “You could, but do you want to?”

No, no she didn’t want to. She wanted her life, she wanted the pieces to fall into place by themselves, she didn’t want to be the maker of her own world. She just wanted to live in it.

“Maybe”

“Maybe?”

“I want you, and Pietro, my family. I want more, and I could have that if-”

“Wanda, what’s my favorite color?”

She paused, why were you asking this? “I-I don’t know, you changed it too much”. You smiled, “My favorite color was your least favorite, they were always the ones I drew with so we didn’t have to share” Wanda didn’t know this, for a mind-reader, she feels as if she doesn’t know a lot.

“What was the show I hated the most?” Wanda stepped back, shaking her head “I-I don’t-”

“Wands, I can see you’re trying to memorize me , trying to remember, but at the same time exploring” She nodded, she was, you change- “The thing is, I haven’t changed a bit”

“No-no you have, you’re,”

“Exactly, the same,”

You were exactly the same.

You both nodded, you in coherence, Wanda in acceptance. The thing was just that, you hadn’t changed. Your eyes weren’t a little different, your hair wasn’t a little lighter, your smile, it wasn’t a little brighter. While Wanda had aged you had stayed the same. Time, it made her forget.

“You can’t do this, Wands. You know I’ll always be with you -”

Between her tears she chuckled “No, no- The truth is I’m- I’m going to get old, I’m going to forget. Time is going to dull my memories and the us that I remember will seem so short compared to the entirety of my life”

“Wand-”

“I will forget the way you smell, the way you laugh. The way you look, your edges will dim and the figure of you will blur,”

“And I?”

“I don’t want that, I want you and only you even if that means that you are solely what consists of my life. I don’t want the memory of us to dull. I don’t want to leave you behind, I don’t want what we had to be our loudest moment. I want more.”

She faced you like it was her last time, because this time, it was. “Why won’t you let me”

“The people who love you, should love you, Wanda. Not who you’re meant to be. Don’t you remember?”

She does, she did, and as much as she tried. She can’t forget

“You know, once you go back,”

“I know,”

“Why can’t you stay?”

You smiled softly, reassuringly. “If I stay, than my Wanda, will never be deemed ready enough to escape”

You knew what happened

She shook her head, “That’s not fair, aren’t you happy? You’re here, we’re here” You wiped the tears off her face, “I don’t want you to just be happy Wanda. I want you to live a good life. Happiness is fleeting, I want you to enjoy living”

She sniffled, wiping her nose, “Are you happy, though?”

You smirked “Who could be happy in a place like that?”

She shook her head, “That’s not what I meant, I meant-”

“I know” Looking at her you asked “Are you happy?”

Wanda looked around, she listened to your thoughts, she listened to what her heart and her head had to say . “No,”

You shook your head “Then no, no I’m not,”

She stepped closer to you “I don’t want you to go back. You shouldn't have to,”

You nodded “I know” and you looked behind you where Dr Strange was opening a portal, “But I have to, I don’t want to leave her. I don’t want to leave you,”

Clasping her hands in yours she started rubbing like she used too, she inhaled one last time, just like she used to. She brought you in, and hugged you, like she used to. “I want to give up,” your lips turned up a little, you pulled her in closer, like you always did. “I know.” Then you pulled back, and kissed her fingers, “But you won’t,”

“But I won’t.”

Then you lingered. Then you left.

Wanda let go of her promise.

She wasn’t looking for a happily ever after, she wasn’t yearning for her once upon a time. She simply existed.

Memories are unspoken stories, the more you forget the more desperate you are to hold onto them. They contain laughter, tears, people. Sometimes you can force yourself to forget if you lived large enough. But to Wanda, the loudest memories that she could never silence. Were the ones with you in it.

Stepping out from the portal you turned to Dr Strange, thanking him. He nodded, and watched you walk to the time travel device stored in the Avengers compound. “I know we’re supposed to protect the timeline, and be the heroes. But don’t you think returning a kid to their death is a little immoral?” Strange turned to Wong, nodding while smacking his lips “Yes, but we can’t do anything, this has already happened.” Wong squinted at him, “Do you not have compassion?” Taking a breath, Strange sighed, “I’m a Doctor, Wong. I’ve had to deal with hard decisions before. The best ones you make can sometimes be the hardest. Also, not a kid. 20 I think” Raising his eyebrows, Wong shot him a look.

“What?”

“There is no patient, Stephen. You are no Doctor here. ”

Digital Library (If you wanna read more works)

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