#hange fanfic

[14thcommander]

TELL ME YOUR SECRETS || cw: SMUT, 18 PLUS ONLY! dirty talk, masturbation, hange is a perv and talks you through it, pwp (selfship coded!)

Hange has always been curious.

Ever since a young age, they have felt a profound need for knowledge — discovering as well as keeping it. They’re naturally drawn to things that spike this want for information from them, so it's obvious they’re immensely attracted to you.

Zöe had met you through mutual friends — well, through a younger sibling of one of their friends, to be more specific. You have crossed paths for the first time at a birthday party, and couldn’t stop thinking about you ever since. The sound of your laughter has permanently echoed through Hange’s brain on the daily, as they imagined what other sounds you could make — and what your smile would look like if said obscene sounds were leaving your lips instead.

“You’re so pretty.” Hange confesses as you straddle their lap. This is the 6th time you’re hooking up with them — not that you’re counting, or keeping track. It’s merely for context: you’ve built enough confidence around Hange to feel more natural about having sex with them, and way less robotic.

“Can we try something?” They mumble against your skin, fingers lightly tracing the natural curve of your back after swiftly removing your bra.

You hum in responde, sighing as Hange starts gently playing with your breasts. The tips of their fingers move against your nipples, exploring the amount of pressure and speed you like — at this point, they’ve gathered that you like it when they begin slowly, building the tension as you go.

“Could you touch yourself for me?” Their words are whispered, fiery. You get lost in Hange’s cologne — something warm and masculine, mixed with the faint scent of butterscotch (something that comes from a hair product, you guessed). “So I could watch?”

“Touch myself?” It’s not entirely a question, more of a need to know if you hear them right. Hange looks up at you through oval glasses, big brown eyes looking straight into yours. Their lips are reddish and puffy from the half hour you spent making out on your bed, illuminated by fairy lights and a few candles. They look etehreal, and perhaps you’re biased – but the sight of Hange electrifies you. 

Hange could be defined as a pervert, depending on the point of view: they have been curious about sex and women ever since they realized they are attracted to them, which they didn’t even know was a possibility before finding one of their father’s Playboy magazines hidden on the bottom drawer of his closet. Ever since Hange’s first kiss, they had wanted to know what it would feel like to feel a girl naked against them. And when they were still an awkward loser in high school and had sex for their first time, Hange knew that it would be one of their favorite things to do — explore girls and how they react under their touch. 

“Yeah, sweetheart. Wanna know what you look like when you’re pleasuring yourself.” 

This specific curiosity took over Hange’s brain when you confessed having a wet dream about them earlier that week, and the thought alone of you waking up slippery wet from your sinful dreams has been eating them alive. 

“Okay.” You answer them breathlessly, knees digging on the soft mattress under you. Hange leaves you on the bed, half undressed and feeling like prey. 

Zöe takes a seat on your computer chair, moving it around so they can fully face you laying on your bed. The atmosphere makes everything even more intimate: your room, filled with pictures and clothes and stuffed animals, all these details about you… Hange feels so into you they might get sick from the thought alone. 

You lay on your back, removing your skirt and panties. Eager, Hange thinks. They almost want to lick their teeth, mouth watering at the thought of your taste. Taking a deep breath, your hands start to roam your legs, spreading them — you like to think you are prepared for this: you had taken a nice, long shower before the start of your romantic movie night. Your body feels soft after handfuls of lotion, your face fresh after skincare and make up products were carefully applied. It feels good to get ready for Hange, to behave like this for them – and them alone. 

“Pretend I’m not here.” They say, lips curling into a smirk. Zoe watches you behind thick glasses, brown eyes traveling through your entire figure. You chuckle nervously at their words, taking your panties off – lace, they notice. 

“Can’t really do that, can I?”

Despite your words, you do your best to grant their wishes. A single digit finds its way towards your folds, gently caressing your entrance, gathering the wetness and spreading it on your already needy clit. 

Hange lets out a sigh, unbuttoning the first few buttons of their dress shirt. Even though they like to act all calm and collected, you know they are just as into you as you are into them – isn’t this so exciting?

Rubbing your finger against your clit, in tight circles, your eyes close in pleasure. The thrill of having someone – not, not someone: Hange – watch you while pleasuring yourself is truly something you have never thought before. 

“Is this how you usually do this?” Hange inquires, fixing the pair of glasses on the bridge of their nose. They don’t mean to pry or judge, in any way: they just really want – have – to know what it is that you like. 

“Ah, it depends.” You breathe, not daring to stop. This has become a thing for you as much as it is for Hange, you believe. “Sometimes I use a toy.”

It’s almost like their ears perk up at your words. 

“What kind?” Their eyes are bright with curiosity. “Show me.”

You sit up, opening the drawer next to your bed. You take out a medium sized dolphin vibrator, and Hange almost moans on the sight. 

“This one…” You look at them, and then at the toy again. “Should I use it?”

Yes, Hange wants to say. It takes an immense amount of self control for them to not pin you against your bed and use the toy on you – edge you enough so you cry out of pleasure. They want to destroy you, and then put the pieces back together – a kind of ownership they don’t take lightly. 

“Whatever makes you feel more comfortable.” They reply, getting up from the chair and sitting on the end of your bed, getting more comfortable to watch you spread for them.

You chose the toy, it seems, as you hold the vibrator tight against your clit and whimper. The toy sends shocks of pleasure through your body, and Hange swears they see God right before themself. 

“Oh, you dirty thing…” Hange whispers, gazing at your needy entrance clenching against nothing. They’re having so much fun with this. “So needy.”

In moments like this, they realize that you’re just like them. A hidden pervert, a wolf in sheep's clothing. Except, you are complementary in taste… how lucky are you to have found each other?

Their gaze falls upon your face: your eyebrows are knitting together in pleasure, expression contorting in blissful agony. It’s torture to have Hange so far away and so close, at the same time. Their presence intoxicates you. 

“What do you think about when doing this? What do you picture in that pretty head of yours?” 

A whine leaves your lips, as you close your eyes once again. This could go many ways, you think. Your mind is a dangerous place when it comes to your own pleasure, as it knows no boundaries to your personal wants – consciously, you want to hide from Hange, want to mask how badly you want them to ruin you. 

“Think about being used ngh everywhere I go. Can’t stop thinking, fuck, about getting fucked, bent over and used l-like a toy.” You manage to word vomit between panting and whimpering, voice cracking under the pressure of some of the words. “By you.”

Oh, they think. You’re such a sub. 

“Yeah?” Hange asks, eyes becoming impossibly darker over your sinful words. “What else?”

A bubble of warmth starts growing on your lower abdomen, as your eyelids flutter open only for you to be met with the sight of a worked up Hange, silver necklace dangling from their neck and on top of your face. 

“T-think about ngh… about you being mean to me.” Your words sound like a heavenly oath to their ears, as Hange smirks to themself. God, they want to ruin you for everyone else. “Mocking me ngh for being…”

You cannot finish the sentence, as whine escapes your lips and your eyes roll back into your skull. Hange merely watching you makes you even more desperate to cum. 

“For being such a pathetic slut?” They conclude, voice dripping with a faux honeyed tone. Hange flashes a wolfish smile, looking at their pretty prey spread for them – and only them. So vulnerable, so beautiful: they love to see your body’s reaction to just a few words. 

It’s so fun to play with you. 

There’s nothing you can do besides nodding, as you rock your hips against the vibrating toy. Your skin is sweaty, and you feel like you were reduced to a gooey mess by their words alone. Adrenaline runs through your veins, filling you with an antidote only Zoe could give you. 

“I can tell you’re close, princess” Hange chimes in, hand gently caressing your leg, watching you squirm under their light touch. “Yeah, I know. Can’t even speak when you get this horny, right?”

Your body is convulsing underneath their words and stare, feeling both humiliated and aroused simultaneously. Hange’s words are mean and loving, and you eat them up. 

“Sluts like you don’t need to think, or speak. Just moan for me and let go, princess.”

The bubble of warmth explodes on your lower abdomen, as a white hot feeling travels through yoru entire body. A sinful harmony of moans and whines escape from your lips, beautifully so. 

“Yeah, that’s it, so good. You’re so good, baby.” They mumble against the warm skin of your exposed stomach, leaving open mouthed kisses behind. “So good…”

Hange watches as you barely come down from your high, a messy breathless masterpiece beneath them. They watch as your breathing becomes less irregular, as your fucked out eyes flutter open and look up at them through dilated pupils 

“You look so good like this, angel. But I bet you’re gonna look so much better once I fuck you properly.”

#hange x reader #hange smut #hange x y/n #hange fanfic #hange x you #aot smut #hange zoe x reader

[m-jelly]

hiii could u please write some hange zoe smut!

Starts off with them catching you humping a pillow, becomes joint masturbation and ends in them fucking you with a strap and scissoring <3

Home early

Pairing: Hange x Fem!Reader

Genre and tags: Smut, being a couple.

Concept: It's just all smut that contains everything requested. Using they/them for Hange as the requester used those pronouns, but Hange will have Fem body parts.

Hange strolled down their hall after coming home early from work. They were anxious to see you and hold you in their arms. They paused a moment outside the bedroom when they heard whimpers and moans they were very familiar with.

Hange pushed the bedroom door open to see you grinding yourself against your pillow as you clung to the bed. Arousal sparked inside Hange as they watched you pleasure yourself as you thought of them. They watched you for a while before their desire took over.

Hange called your name making you stop and blush as you gazed at your lover. Hange moved closer to you. They held your chin and leaned closer to your lips. "Does my girl need some loving?"

You reached over and ran your hands up your lover. "Yes, please."

Hange kept kissing you as they slowly pushed you down onto the bed they reached down to your pussy. Their fingers slowly caressed your soaked underwear as their hunger ignited. Hange dragged their fingers up before pushing them into your underwear and feeling your hot and wet arousal.

They slowly pressed you against the bed as their fingers slowly caressed you. Their long fingers pushed inside you to caress your walls. Hange moved against your g-spot and moved you towards your blissful end.

Hange kept kissing you as their fingers moved faster. They pressed their thumb against your clit and started rubbing. Hange smiled as you cried out in pleasure and threw your head back. Hange admired your moans and shivers as they pushed you closer to your end.

You moaned out to the room as you felt your coil snap. Your legs shivered as rushed of hot euphoria surged through every inch of you. You flopped back onto the bed and hummed in delight. You nibbled your lip and purred as you looked at your lover.

You opened your arms to Hange. "I need to feel you." You parted your legs. "Please."

Hange dragged your panties off and tossed them to the floor. "Of course." They pulled their clothes off slowly so they were naked before you. "You know how I always need you."

Hange straddled your one thigh before wrapping the other around their waist. They lowered themselves down so their clit and pussy lips pressed against yours. Hange shifted a little before rubbing their pussy against yours.

You caressed your lover's leg and began moving your hips to meet their movements. You both panted and moaned as your clits and cum soaked pussys rubbed together. Your eyes stayed locked onto the two of you meeting and rubbing together. You nibbled your lip as you watched your arousal mixing together with theirs and spreading over both your bodies.

Hange panted and moved their hips a little faster as their coil tightened up. Hange yanked you closer and growled in delight as your both moved together as one to reach your end. Hange knew very well that once they had made you cum, they were going to fuck you nice and deep with their strap-on.

Hange reached down and grabbed your hips making you squeak. They grinded against you as passionately as possible. Their chocolate eyes locked onto your pleasure-filled face. They smiled as you threw your head back and moaned loudly. They felt the urge to cum rushing closer.

Hange moaned as they felt the snap of pleasure burn through them. They rolled their hips as they allowed the last bits of their pleasure to pulse through them. They panted and eyed you to see you thrust up and cry out as your orgasm consumed you. You both kept moving together until your hips stilled.

Hange released you before leaning over you and pressing their lips against yours. "Love you."

You panted and smiled. "Love you too."

Hange nuzzled the crook of your neck. "I was thinking we get the strap-on out."

"Who's wearing it?"

Hange leaned up a little to look deep into your eyes. "Me."

You hummed a laugh. "I'm all yours then. We using the one that vibrates a little? I want you to feel pleasure as well."

Hange walked over to the drawer with the collection of toys and retrieved the best strap-on they had. "Yes, the one with a little bit that goes in me. Don't worry, my love we'll both be in bliss."

You watched your lover pull on the strap-on then lather it in tingling lube. "So kind."

"Anything for you, my darling." Hange moved closer to you. "Now, spread those cute legs of yours and let me fuck you so good you see stars."

You lay back and spread your legs. "Yes, Hange."

Hange turned on the vibration part of the strap-on and moaned at the tingle starting inside them. They ran the tip of the fake cock up and down your pussy before slowly pressing deep into you. They paused a moment and allowed you to adjust to the curve and size. They shifted a little and massaged your hips.

You lifted your hips and smiled. "I'm ready."

Hange winked at you before slapping their hips against yours. They panted and moaned in delight as the strap-on pressed deep into them and vibrated so perfectly inside their pussy. They leaned over you and began panting as sweat started glistening on their tanned skin. They watched you closely to see you were in another world that was just pure pleasure.

You gripped the pillow under your head and lifted your hips up. You moaned and moved your hips as Hange pounded the cock into you. You smiled at the person you loved and admired how passionate they were for you. Your heart beat only for Hange and you wanted them to be yours for eternity.

You wrapped your arms around Hange and pulled them closer. You kissed them over and over as your heart beat to their name. You moved your hips with them and hummed in delight at being one. You gripped their back before tangling your fingers in their hair. You tugged a little and smiled into the kiss when they moaned in response.

Hange tapped their forehead against yours and moved with you. You both panted together as your coils tightened. You kissed each other over and over as your hearts were filled with love. You pulled from their lips and began kissing and nipping at their neck. You moved a hand down Hange's back and spanked their behind, hard.

You panted and whimpered. "I'm close."

Hange mewled. "Me too." Hange grinded deep within you. "Darling."

You wrapped your legs around her and moaned. "My love." You clung to your lover. "Fuck." You shook as you felt the snap of the coil inside you and your orgasm wash over you. "Hange!"

Hange kept moving within you before stilling their hips and moaning in delight. They reached down and fumbled a little with the strap-on and turned the vibration off. Hange panted a little before pulling out and lying next to you as you both caught your breath.

You rolled onto your side and rubbed Hange's stomach. "Welcome home."

Hange chuckled. "Great to be home." They kissed you. "Love you."

"Love you always."

#jelly fanfics #fanfic smut #aot x reader smut #hange smut #hanji smut #hange attack on titan #hange zoe #aot hange #hange zoë #hange x reader #hange x y/n #hange x you #aot fanfiction #hange zoe x y/n #hange zoe x you #hange zöe #hange zoe x reader #hange fanfic #hanji zoe #hange zoe aot #hange zoe smut #snk hanji #hanji x reader #hanji zoë #aot hanji #attack on titan hanji #hanji x reader smut #hanji aot #hanji zoe x reader

[genyashusband]

Hange Zoe Dating Headcanons (Sfw and Nsfw)

Afab!Hange Zoe x gn!reader Headcanons

SFW:

○ Hange is the type of partner to never take you to the same place twice. Every date consists of something new and exciting (sometimes expensive) such as bungee jumping, skydiving, roller derby, etc.

○ Hange is an adrenaline junky... I mean, they work with titans all the time and hardly flinch. They love picking you up and pretending like they will drop you.

○ They would never drop you

○ Hange will always pay when you two go out-always. You even think about getting your wallet out and Hange is screaming at the waiter to take their card and and run.

○ Hange runs warm- very warm. They will always offer you their jacket when you didn't bring one... even when it's 77°F outside. You won't even need a blanket sleeping next to Hange, their strong arms draped over you while you lay on their chest.

NSFW:

○ Speaking of sleeping next to Hange... 😏

○ Like I said before, Hange likes to change things up. Sometimes they top, sometimes you top. They prefer to top you though..

○ Hange is very experimental. How long can you last with that vibrator on your most sensitive places? Can you cum from just their tongue in your ass? How many times can they make you cum before you are crying, begging them to stop?

○ They love teasing you until you can't take it anymore. Until you are begging for them to just let you cum- that's when they will flip the switch and overstim you until you are crying.

○ They give the best head and will never ask for anything in return- though their groans are so pretty while you go down on them.

○ 10/10 Best sex of your life. You will never find a more experimental, adventurous person.

‐-----------------------------------------------

This fanart is so cute!

I love Hange so much. I hate when people misgender them. Like, it's so simple?? Refer to people correctly or kindly, don't refer to them. <3

#hange smut #hange headcanons #hange zöe #commander hange #aot fanart #hange fanart #hange zoe #Hange fluff #hange fanfic #Hange #aot smut #aot x you #aot x y/n #aot x gn!reader

[loyal2tray]

aot fluff HC's

part 1 of 3

includes male and female characters +hange

warnings: nothing

enjoy!

Eren

-defo clingy.

-has your shirt on one of his pillows as a pillowcase

-smells the everloving heck out of his shirtpillow

-will spray your perfume or cologne on him or his hoodie

-has a stuffed animal named after you

-will flaunt the stuffed animal

-very protective

-willing to do anything for you no matter how absurd (cough cough chapter 112)

-steals your pillows when you're gone

-gets jealous and a little insecure

-but will just cuddle you for reassurance that you're his and his only

-cried during alladin and thought that jasmine was attractive but not as attractive as you

-doesnt know how to act whn you cry so he awkwardly pats your back or just stares at you because he doesnt know how to help

-eardrum blowing sneezes. (same bro)



Mikasa

-protective af

-loves small acts of pda but  is a little confused when she has to do it back

-ex: butterfly kisses, hand holding, head leaning, quick kisses on the mouth

-will randomly appear after small inconvience

-you tripped? shes there. you bit your cheek? shes there. you have a hangnail? shes there.

-if youve seen the AOT special then you know shes gonna blush when you do, and she'll blush hard(maybe)

-shes the person who will wear socks 24/7 and so if you get you and her matching socks she will literally explode of happiness

-has a soft spot for u armin and eren only

-cried during mulan

-kitten sneeze

(not a lot for her because even though i love her i dont have many hcs about her!!)





Armin

-#1 hand holder

-ive said it before and i'll say it again, he tells dad jokes to you on the daily and if you don't laugh he will just laugh to himself (you better laugh or i will find you)

-lightsleeper n light snorer

-loves when yo play with his hair fs

-when he takes you on study dates to the library, he will be reading you every book he likes just to see if you like any

-will read books to you

-if you're the type to put random accessories on him, he will be very embarrassed but then allow the buffoonery to begin.

-whispers kind nothings to you to get u to go back to sleep when he accidentally wakes you up while tryng to get up and go do smth

-cried during moana.

-was crying during moana going rogue because he was scared for her also cried when Maui left moana

-average sneeze





Hange

(my love!!)



-loves showing you their experiments

-hugs from behind.

-ask them about titans. they'll explode of happiness and start literally talking about them at the speed of an auctioneer.

-also loves when you help them with experiments, but makes sure you're covered in safety gear.

-forehead kisses

-cried during meet the robinsons and big hero 6

-loves gogos costume

-loves honey lemons purse

-baymax.

-loves blankets. like it'll be 110 deg. outside and they'll be wearing a blanket

-another eardum blowing sneezer





Sasha



-i know damn well she will jumpscare you or just hide in the corner of a dark room to scare you.

-cuddles? shes little spoon

-hugs? she melts into your touch

-food? she praises you if you can cook

-hotel? trivago.

-she sleepwalks and sleep talks so dont be surpised if you wake up to her standing in the kitchen talking to a piece of meat about how she loves you, all while still sleeping.

-she throws potatoes at you from  across the room and then tells you to throw them back.

-if she's feeling generous she'll share a little bit of her food

-she cried during lyle lyle fucking crocodile. i know this isnt disney but i know she would watch it.

-starts saying la la la la la at random parts of the day.

-the windup sneeze

#aot headcanons #aot #headcanons #aot hcs #eren yeager x reader #mikasa x reader #armin arlert x reader #hange x reader #sasha x reader #hcs #eren x reader #armin x reader #hange fanfic #mikasa fanfic #part 1 #attack on titan

[simpinghour]

Cake and Pears at 2am Hange x fem! reader (ch 2)

Summary: What is meant to be a casual night out to hang with Mikasa and friends leads you to meeting the very dapper, very suave even though they sometimes remind you of a golden retriever, Hange.

This was meant to be a mafia AU and there are light mentions of it but that’s not the focus. Here you’ll read about a fem!reader who is 14 years younger than a nonbinary Hange but doesnt let that stop her from dating them.

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Nonbinary Hange, gothkasa, Strap on sex, loss of virginity with strap on, this is smutty as hell and I have no regrets, side Eruri, Side Eremika, Squirting, Oral Sex, Fingering, also side Mikenana, Yelena needs her ass kicked, age gap, but not a creepy age gap I promise, I had to do so much research about strap ons for this damn fic

link to chapter 1

Ao3 link

Chapter 2

You were nervous the entirety of that following week, unsure if Hange was going to contact you. After going through several scenarios in your head, you finally put on a horror film to serve as a distraction. Just as you began screaming at the screen, telling the main character that she was an idiot to go out into the dark to investigate a strange sound, you got a text from an unfamiliar number Thursday evening.

‘Hi! Sorry it’s late, but I didn’t want to keep you waiting. It’s Hange, we met at Levi’s bar. If you were waiting, that is. I don’t want to assume. I’d love to meet you for lunch or coffee one day if that’s okay.’

A full-on scream left your mouth, and immediately you felt like a jackass. You weren’t in high school and Hange wasn’t your first crush, but somehow you were easily reverted to a swooning schoolgirl.

It was a few minutes before you replied, not because you wanted to play it cool but because you felt like an idiot and didn’t know what to say. Finally you told Hange that you’d love to meet them for coffee.

You insisted that you were fine with meeting at Starbucks, but they were adamant about wanting to take you to some café you’d never heard of.

“It sounds like Hange finally texted you,” Mikasa says dryly when you answer her call the next afternoon. “Does this mean you’re going to stop moping around like some sad emo?”

“I was not moping and I wasn’t acting like an emo,” you protest.

“Yeah, anyway. So are you two going out soon? Please tell me you made plans.”

“Yes, Mikasa, damn! We’re going to meet up for coffee next weekend.”

“Great,” she replies in a dry tone. “I’ll be there bright and early to do your hair and makeup. Also to do an outfit check because you know when you get nervous that focusing on anything is like trying to hold onto a snowball in hell.”

“Beautiful analogy, and fine. I’ll let you know what time when I speak to Hange again.”

As promised, Mikasa shows up bright and early, smelling of clove cigarettes with her makeup kit in tow.

“Have you showered yet? Did you wash your face? Did you moisturize and put on spf?” she asks in a tone that sounds somewhat accusatory.

“Yes to all of the above, boss,” you tell her mockingly. “And I’m not wearing this,” you continue, gesturing to your old Siouxsie tee shirt and leggings. “I sweat when I get nervous and I didn’t want to ruin my outfit.”

“Well of course you’re not wearing that,” Mikasa says, rolling her eyes. “Let’s go, I want to see what you picked out.”

Your date outfit is laid out at the foot of your bed, and Mikasa eyes each piece critically. A simple but cute blouse, skirt, cardigan and boots all in earth tones is what you picked out.

“Okay, that works with the type of makeup I have,” Mikasa announces while shoving you into a chair.  

Your best friend’s brusque manner of speaking was completely contrary to the way she delivered personal attention. Perhaps that was why your friend group had no issue with letting her practice makeup on them; it was relaxing enough to make one fall asleep. And that was why you found yourself almost dozing off from the almost ASMR-like sounds of compacts snapping shut and different brushes stroking over your face.

Mikasa works on your hair last, and you move your head as directed when she uses a spritz bottle to revive your curls. She arranges it in a style that is cute but also out of your face, which she knows you hate. Your makeup is perfect; Mikasa has the ability to do makeup that almost looks like a filter on one of those apps. There’s just enough color on your eyelids, cheeks and lips and you’re enthralled with everything.

“Yes, I know, my work is impeccable,” Mikasa tells you as she begins repacking her makeup kit. “Now get dressed.”

“You’re so damn bossy. But I love you anyway.”

***

An hour later, you drive to a quaint part of town that you’d only driven through. The coffee shop turned out to be gorgeous; instead of traditional tables and chairs there were squishy sofas and armchairs, and a real working fireplace. Everything was done in warm tones, and decorated with autumn and Halloween items as it was the beginning of October. You asked the waitress if you could take a cornered window seat, since there were two comfortable looking armchairs with a low antique table in between. waiting in a window seat, hoping that you wouldn’t have to wait long.

One in the afternoon was the chosen meeting time, and it’s five after when you get a text when they apologize for running late. When they finally arrive and find you sitting at the small table with the open menu spread out, they immediately grin and wave.

“Sorry, sorry,” Hange says after they sit down, taking the jacket that was thrown over their shoulder and draping it on the back of their chair. As they move you try to avoid the graceful column of their throat that’s peeking out from the unbuttoned collar of a light blue button down. Their long legs are encased in slim, tan trousers and they have on a matching red belt and suspenders. Their shiny auburn hair is messily pulled back just like before to expose a slanted smile, and you can feel your heart kick up a notch. “It took me forever to find my car keys.  I swear, I could trip over them ten times in an hour when I don’t need them but the moment I do? They sprout legs and walk away. You look amazing, by the way.”

“Thank you, so do you. I almost wondered if I’d got stood up,” you say jokingly, and Hange looks aghast.

“Definitely not!” they reply adamantly. “Levi told me I was a dumb ass for not asking for your number that night, along with Miche. But after that graceless encounter with my ex, I didn’t want to seem pushy.”

“Nah, you would have definitely got my number,” you assure with a grin. Just as you lean forward with an elbow on the table, a waitress comes over and asks if you two are ready to order.

“I didn’t get to ask you much about yourself the night we met,” Hange says after you two have placed your orders. “You let me ramble on and didn’t stop me.”

“I liked listening to you,” you admit with a shy smile. “What do you want to know?”

“Ehh, anything. Favorite food? When’s your birthday? What are your hobbies? Do you have any pets and if so, can I meet them?”

You tell Hange about yourself and they do the same. You find out they’re a chief scientific officer of a lab on the outskirts of the city. That in itself sounds fascinating and Hange is all too eager to talk about their work.

“Wait, I thought you and Levi and everyone else…” you trail off, wanting to ask about the whole mafia thing but unsure if that question would be well received.

“Oh, that,” Hange replies with a small smile. “Let’s just say it helps to have someone around with my background.”

“I gotcha. Do you have any pets?”

“No, unfortunately not. I like cats but my place isn’t exactly the safest place for one.”

“I could always see if there’s a cat café. Maybe we could go together.”

“Cat cafes?! Those exist?!”

Hange looks so excited and adorable that you want to kiss them.

The date lasts a little over two hours. Despite the age difference, you find that you and Hange have a lot in common and a million things to talk about. You’re sure you could have talked to them some more only the waitress is apologetic when she brings the check, stating that they have a two-hour seating limit.

When you reach behind the chair to grab your purse, Hange immediately stops you.

“It’s my treat since I invited you,” they continue, pulling out a wallet to withdraw a silver card and place it in the bill holder.

“Fine. But can I leave the tip? The waitress was really nice.”

“Something tells me it’s futile to argue with you so I’ll concede,” Hange tells you teasingly.

Once the bill is paid, you and Hange head out to the parking lot. It’s clear that neither of you are ready to part ways just yet, and you end up standing outside talking for another twenty minutes.

“Okay, as much as I hate to say goodbye it’s clear that you’re cold,” Hange tells you when they notice you shivering despite your upper half being covered in a thick cardigan.

“I don’t either,” you tell them in a pained voice with a grin, “but yeah, I am getting a little cold. This is that weird part of autumn when it’s hot one minute and cold the next.”

“Well I’m hoping we’ll see each other again? Sooner rather than later?” Hange asks hopefully.

“Oh trust me, we will,” you admit. “I had a good time today. This was nice.”

“Yeah, it was,” Hange sighs, slumping back against their car door. Then they straighten up and sort of turn towards you. “Is it okay if I hug you goodbye?”

“Yes, it’s definitely okay,” you answer, and immediately step closer to them.

“Damn, you smell good,” you murmur against their neck upon catching a whiff of what smells like tobacco and sweet vanilla.

“So do you,” Hange says in a similar tone, their head almost buried in your curls. “Your hair smells amazing.”

“You aren’t making us having to part ways any easier,” you tell them in a slight whine.

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop.” Hange lets you go and reaches into their pocket for their car key. “Will you let me know that you got home safe?”

“Will do!” you reply, turning to get into your car.

***

When you text Hange upon getting home, they immediately text you back and tell you that it was nice to see you and they look forward to your next date.

Later that evening after dinner and a bath, you find yourself online searching for a local cat café. You’re surprised to find a cat café that isn’t too far, but it’s a thirty-minute drive away.

You text Hange and ask if they’re busy next Saturday and if not and they want to hang out, you’d love to take them somewhere. Hange calls you pretty girl and says they’ll go anywhere with you. They also state that they’ll meet you at your house if that’s fine because their house isn’t exactly close to anything.

Hange is excited to be in the passenger seat and is surprised when you let them connect their phone to your car so they can put on a playlist.

“You really don’t mind?”

“Nah,” you reply. “There isn’t much I don’t listen to so I’m sure I’ll like whatever you put on.”

The easy beat of indie music fills your car, and you laugh after hearing a handful of songs by bands you also listen to. Talk of music and bands you both like takes place the rest of the ride, and soon you’re pulling up to the destination.

“What! You found one!” Hange yells when they see the glass window of the cat café. On it are adorable hand drawn kitties frolicking about between mugs and plates of desserts.

They continue losing their shit after you two walk inside, and soon they’re seated with a latte that has a cat face drawn into the foam, which goes ignored for the hazel-eyed grey tabby who leapt onto Hange’s lap to sniff their sleeve.

“Ooooh, aren’t you cute!” Hange coos, holding out a hand. The cat ends up shoving their head into Hange’s palm, demanding to be petted.

While Hange is busy meeting the demands of their new furry friend, you slip away to find a dispenser that sells cat treats. After you return to the table, you slide some of them in Hange’s direction and they immediately pick up one and the cat politely takes it from their hand.

“Oh my goodness, he ate it! What a good boy!” they enthuse, happily stroking his head.

The rest of the afternoon finds you and Hange seated on the floor near the cat towers, dispensing treats and cuddles. A striped tabby with white socks found its way to your lap and keeps hugging you, and you laugh when she nuzzles her face against yours.

“I want to take you home,” you tell the kitty, on the verge of tears with joy when she purrs contently as you stroke her back.

Eventually it becomes apparent that multiple cups of lattes and macarons aren’t enough sustenance, and hunger drives you two to finally leave. Then it turns out neither of you are ready for the date to be over, and you both get takeout sushi and bring it back to your place.

“Today was fun, thank you,” Hange tells you later after you’ve finished eating. Now you two are on the sofa with hot mugs of tea before you on the coffee table, and Hange is sticking their legs out straight and flexing their toes in the thick fuzzy socks you loaned them. “These are cute. And comfortable.”

“You can’t relax properly at home until you have on comfy socks,” you reply, then something else comes to mind. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah.”

“Why did you look surprised when I paid for our stuff at the café?”

“Did I?”

“Yes, you did.”

“Ah. I think it’s because besides my friends, I’ve never had a date offer to pay.”

You stare at them incredulously with your mouth open. “Hange… what kind of derelicts did you date?”

They give you a sort of embarrassed laugh while ruffling their hair.

“Did Yelena expect you to pay for everything? Even if she was the one who offered to take you out?”

“Ah…I think so?”

“Hange!”

“What?”

“You can’t let people take advantage of you like that.”

“Well, I didn’t think it was a big deal. I did make more money than her, which she even pointed out so—”

“That makes it even worse! No wonder Levi hated her entitled ass—whoops, pretend you didn’t hear that.”

Hange laughs raucously though they no longer sound embarrassed. “I guess Mikasa told you about that. It’s true though; he didn’t like her. Actually, neither did the rest of my friends.”

“Now Mikasa didn’t tell me this, but I’m guessing Levi said she was selfish. Am I right?”

“Yes. How did you know?”

“Lucky guess. But I know her type; there was a time when I was surrounded by selfish people but I was too involved to realize. You know that analogy about not seeing the forest for the trees? That was me.”

“I see. Was that an old boyfriend, or…”

“Boyfriend, friends, and family. I’m twenty-six now and it took me twenty-one of those years to get to a point where I no longer tolerate selfish people. It’s funny how many people no longer like you when you force them to respect your boundaries. It’s fine though; I have really great friends now.”

“You’re a good person,” Hange murmurs. “How are you single right now?”

“Have you met some of these people?” you ask, giving a dry laugh. “It’s not that hard, believe me.”

“I suppose you’re right. Though now I am curious; have you been with someone like me before?” Hange asks, leaning their head against a hand while peering at you.

“What do you mean, someone who’s super smart, nonbinary, or the whole organized crime thing?”

You say the last part in a sort of whisper and it makes Hange laugh. “You’re cute. Either or.”

“Both, but if it matters I don’t have much experience with seriously dating anyone of any gender.”

“What? That’s surprising.”

“The dating world is a cesspool,” you explain, thinking back to all the secondhand knowledge you gained at the expense of your friends and their failed relationships. “The last few guys I went out with were so charming— at first. It was a damn case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde; one demanded a blowjob because he paid for my one cider at the bar. The other ran up a $200 drink tab and claimed he forgot his wallet when it was time to pay the tab. Mind you I only had a couple of sodas because I don’t get drunk around people I barely know.”

“What the hell! How did that night end?”

“The bar owner gave him two choices—either wash dishes or go to jail for the night. I paid for my two drinks and left before he made a decision.”

“So no old girlfriends?”

“Crushes, yes. Girlfriends… no.”

“And why is that?”

“Because I was too shy to tell a girl I liked her,” you confess, cringing as you think back to the few times you made an attempt at flirting with a girl. “Though one time we all went to a club and two girls literally made me into their sandwich filling and danced with me most of the night. And by dance, I don’t mean in the ‘leave enough room for the Holy Ghost’ kind. Anyway, I asked one of them for her number at the end of the night, and she told me she was straight and seemed so offended that I even considered her like that. Embarrassed doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt.”

“They were probably using you to keep other guys away, but that’s only supposed to be done with a friend or consenting person,” Hange explained. “That way no one is hurt or offended.”

“Is that what that was about?!” you exclaim, mouth hanging open. “I felt so confused for the longest and wracked my brain but kept coming up empty.”

“Unfortunately yes.

“On the topic of dating and such, do you mind if I ask what happened with Yelena?”

“I don’t mind. Yelena and I were off and on for the last few years but things got really bad since last summer. You know what they say about ignoring red flags when they’ve been there all along?”

“Yes, unfortunately.”

“Well, that happened. The last straw was coming home to find that she’d trashed my place and stole some of my things. The only reason she didn’t finish is because Levi has a key to my place and stopped by to drop off something and caught her in the act. He told her to get her shit and get out before he snapped her neck and buried her carcass where no one would ever find it.”

“Yeah, he seems like he can be scary.”

“Only if he doesn’t like you,” Hange says brightly. “He never did like Yelena but I didn’t listen to him. He turned out to be right when he said she was a selfish narcissist with a toxic personality. But you said the same thing happened to you?”

“Well, not exactly the same but the narcissist thing? Oh yes, only it was a friend. That’s sort of how I met Mikasa and Armin. I was friends with this girl and when I turned 21, she swore we had to go to a club and get shitfaced. Personally I hate the feeling of being so drunk that I want to puke, but she and her little clique thought that was the only thing to do on the weekend. Anyway, I got ditched because she wanted to hook up with some random guy.”

“What?! That’s horrible.”

“I know. What makes it worse is I was always the mom friend who stuck to one or two drinks or didn’t drink at all, only because I knew those idiots were going to get knee-walking drunk and end up needing to have their hair held back while they puked out their guts. Actually, that’s how I met Mikasa. She found me crying in the bathroom after I was sick and she helped me fix my makeup because by then, I looked like a raccoon. I ended up hanging with her and her friends the rest of the night and they made sure I got home safely.”

“That sounds like Mikasa,” Hange replied. “She and Levi are similar like that; they look like they’ll cut you but deep down they’re both very kind. Mikasa offered to help deal with the Yelena situation but I didn’t want her to get into trouble.”

“So is Mikasa into, err, the same things as you all?”

That makes Hange chuckle. “No, Levi would have a fit if she did anything untoward, but let’s just say Mikasa can hold her own. That’s the only reason Levi isn’t too worried about Eren; he knows if he were to try anything Mikasa would turn him into mincemeat but between you and me, I think Eren is okay. He’s young and a bit simpleminded, but he’s loyal and he’d kill someone if they tried to hurt Mikasa.”

“Yeah, I believe that but damn, I just wish Mikasa would focus on the time and not his cock when we’ve made plans to meet up somewhere.”

Hange laughs raucously and even though you were being serious, you end up laughing with them.

“I swear, I’m not bitter or anything,” you continue. “I couldn’t believe it when her stoic ass met him. It was like someone switched on a damn light or something. Everything was about Eren; Eren this and Eren that. But I tolerated it because I knew she was in love.”

“So what about you? When was your last relationship?”

“Freshman year of college, I think? Surprise, surprise, it didn’t last long. He had the nerve to be shocked when I got mad at busting him screwing his lab partner. You know what he told me? ‘Well I have to get it from somewhere’, all because I declined his gratuitous offers of blowjobs or quickies when his roommate wasn’t around.”

“He sounds positively charming.”

“He held all the charm of a public bathroom at a gas station along the freeway. And not a good gas station, but a no name one with stale shitty snacks that you can only find on that one freeway.”

“And the filthy bathroom with no toilet paper and a broken door.”

“Exactly. See? You get me.”

“I like you. And this sofa; it’s dangerously comfortable,” Hange says through a yawn. “If I don’t get up now I won’t make it home.”

“I mean, I’m definitely not in a hurry to kick you out,” you reply casually. “I take naps here all the time. Say the word and I’ll grab some pillows and blankets. I’ll even grab a tee if you want to get more comfortable.”

“Well, it’s not like I had anything pressing to do tomorrow. Sounds good, let’s do it.”

A glance down at both your outfits are an instant reminder of the cat café; you’re both covered in cat hair and it makes you laugh.

“Okay, what about a shower first?” you suggest, plucking one of the hairs off your shirt. “You can use some of my sweatpants; sorry in advance because I’m sure your ankles are gonna be sticking out.”

“I’ve got these so I’ll be fine,” Hange replies, pointing down to the stripy fuzzy sock and wriggling their toes.

After taking turns in your shower and changing into comfortable clothes, you and Hange are buried beneath your comforter on the sofa. You both get through fifteen minutes of a horror movie before falling asleep against one another, and when you wake up to the sound of screaming, you realize that you’re both lying flat on the sofa. At some point you began using Hange’s shoulder as your pillow but apparently they hadn’t minded, because they’ve got an arm slung around you. You wonder if you should move but decide you’re too comfortable and end up shutting your eyes.

#aot smut #attack on titan smut #snk smut #shingeki no kyojin smut #aot fanfic #snk fanfic #attack on titan fanfic #hange smut #hange fanfic #hange zoe smut #hange zoe x reader #hange zoe headcanons #hange zoe x reader smut #nonbinary hange #nonbinary hange x fem! reader #eruri feels #eremika #cakeandpearsat2am #ao3 #simpinghour #simpinghourfanfic #hange x black reader #hange x black fem reader #snk headcanons #aot headcanons #attack on titan headcanons

[hangesslut]

Pure Hange Fluff

Hange Zoe x Reader

Hange would be so gentle with you after missions.

After a particularly difficult one, you drag yourself towards her room. Flinging the door open you fall on the bed and curl into a ball. Laying there with light tears in your eyes, you hear the door open and slow footsteps. The bed dips and fingers tangle into your hair, massaging your scalp and you close your eyes with a sigh. Neither of you say anything knowing that right now all you both need is silence. You lean back against her and she wraps her arms around you, holding you as close as possible. You lost so many people today… so many people, just gone. Hange sending your tears, runs a hand across your cheek and wipes them away. You turn over and let yourself be held. Starting to doze off, you let out a content sigh. Laying here, surrounded by warmth, the pain doesn’t go away but at least it lightens up a bit.

#aot #aot fanfiction #aot x reader #attack on titan #hange zoe #hange x reader #Hange fanfic #aot fluff

[sevensquidz]

Masterlist

Hello and welcome to my masterlist! Here you can find links to all my works, as well as see what I am willing and unwilling to create for requests! Hope you enjoy your stay here in my blog! :D

I’m always open for requests so if you have something in mind send it my way! Although I personally specialize in all things Hange.

Hange/reader

My Ao3

Ao3 Lycanthropy- In progress - multiple chapters

Ao3 Cocoa Nights- Completed - One shot

Tumblr The Report- Completed - One shot (18+ content)

Tumblr Sick day- Completed- One shot

What I won’t write

I don’t mind writing odd stuff in all honesty the weirder the better but I won’t write anything unethical/unmoral! But feel free to go out of the box I am an experimentalist when it comes to writing!

Examples of what I won’t write:

Incest, Beastiality, Anything underage/age regression, Necrophilia, Non-con, Shit play

#hange #hange zoë #hange x reader #hange zoe x reader #Hange zoë x reader #aot #aot fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #Hange fanfic #hange attack on titan

[kinda-thoughtless-critic]

Hange’s death was (slightly) disappointing

In my opinion, their death was rushed. The concept was perfect, they should die to titans not people like the other scouts who died before Erwin’s death, but it wasn’t quite long enough for me. Hange deserved a send off almost to the calibre of Erwin’s.

I'd rather the squad, instead of standing around and gawking, would be desperately helping the engineers. Only Armin and/or Jean should get that reaction. Armin because they made him the new leader of the scouts, that’s a lot of pressure, in the moment probably doesn’t want that and also doesn’t want them to die. And Jean because it was because of his ‘friend’ Floch (were they friends? They seemed somewhat close, and there was some sort of connection there...I mean, mid season 3 Floch essentially was early season 1 Jean) and his badass final charge shooting holes in the plane (dick move though pretty cool) that they had to sacrifice their life.

I understand their shock. Floch’s action was unexpected, the arrival of the titans was unexpected, but I would have liked that shock to have come in the form of action. 

Imagine: 

Armin's hands are shaking, moving so erratically he drops key equipment, despite being of little help he screams at the others, ordering them to hurry up. Determined in the moment to make his only act as Survey Corp Commander getting this plane working now. 

Hange has to return. 

After all, against all odds he had done it, he had survived the inferno generated by colossal titan steam. If a miracle could happen for him, it could happen for them, it has to. Because if not...it’ll all be left on him. 

That vain hope is picked up by everyone (maybe Pieck jokingly says they can ride her titan form when they come back), and they cling to the possibility Hange could live, no matter how small, it drives them to move faster, work harder, lift more, all while emotions are held back a frail fantasy. Everyone but Levi, who sees the writing in the wall. He meant it when he told them to dedicate their heart. 

He’s the only one to look away when a bright spark ignites in the sky, a huge patch of blue dyed red as flames erupt just above the colossal hoard. The chain of production halts, young soldiers stare shell shocked, seeing one of their last hopes burn up in front of them. A genius who had almost singlehandedly pioneered knowledge of the Titans and technological breakthroughs, who had been through many battles with them and led them through 4 years of uncertainty. 

Gone.

Onyankopon in tears announces the plane’s been fixed. With heavy hearts they file inside one by one, heads dropped low, shoulders slumped and breathing unsteady. Only with the roar of the engine masking their cries do they breakdown, Levi glimpsing the last embers fade into the beyond. 

Soon. 

~~~

Thanks for reading!

For more AoT critiques and fics:

Masterlist

#attack on titan #commander hange #hange zöe #hange zoe #hange zoë #aot hange #aot hanji #snk hanji #snk hange #attack on titan hanji #shingeki no kyojin #aot fic #attack on titan fanfiction #attack on titan fic #snk fic #snk fanfiction #hange fanfic #aot imagines #aot headcanons #aot levi

[sleepysebris]

:) 🖤

@mlsecretsanta gift for @thequeenofspace! happy belated holidays and apologies for the delay, had a serious family emergency followed by sickness! I had so much fun making this though, was so excited to finally draw these two 🖤 hope you enjoy!!!

#i absolutely believe emo marinette went home and made dolls after seeing the ladybug & chat noir dolls #im assuming adrien's room is the preferred hang out space in this universe #so this is his room and that is his ladybug doll #also obsessed with his quiet blushy personality #assume that when they detransform she laughs at his half-finished makeup cause they forgot what they were doing before they left #and he deserves it for poorly-timed teasing her mid-battle or something #there's the fanfic #ml secret santa 2023 #ml secret santa #miraculous ladybug #ml paris special #adrienette #emo love square #emodrien #my art #my ml comics

[14thcommander]

my love, mine all mine | tooth rotting fluff, honeymoon. 0.4k

a/n: just a lil something about trans people being in love. i had non binary reader in mind, but this is for anyone who likes hange. am i back to tumblr? who knows...

Hange Zoe is a lot of things. 

Impulsive, for starters. Curious, too. They have a need for knowledge and thirst for discovery that you haven’t seen in anyone else, ever. They are kind, too – perhaps too gentle and bright for this world. A heart so full of love, constantly pumping with passion: for science, for life, for you. 

“Could you…?” Zoe wordlessly asks, holding a bottle of sunscreen and pointing to their naked back. 

“Yeah, of course.”

It’s a small hotel room, filled with minimalistic furniture. Basic, white and beige. Still, for the last couple of days, Hange has managed to make a mess of it: there’s books, clothes, and bags. It doesn’t bother you, however. It only makes this trip more endearing. 

Your hands are sticky from sunscreen, yet you smile at them, feeling your lover’s warmth all over your palms. It stains you, beautifully so. 

“All done, love.”

Hange turns around, cheeks tainted pink and a smile blossoming on their face. The typical oval glasses that adorn their face are discarded on the bedside table. Now, their gaze is blurred, but they still smile at you. 

“Thanks, pookie.” Hange kisses your cheek, placing a hand to your waist. You giggle at the stupid nickname they gave you a couple of years ago, after your third official date. “I love you.”

You smile, stupidly. 

“I love you.”

The gold rings adorning both yours and Hange’s fingers is only proof of how much. You remember confessing your undying love for them before taking them on a date. Honestly, you have loved them ever since you were born – no, actually before that. Because there’s no way you came to this world, willingly or not, for any other reason than loving Hange Zoe. 

“Your turn now, babe.”

Taking your shirt off, you turn around. 

Zoe repeats the ritual once performed on them, the caring and loving hands now helping protect your skin from the unforgiving sun that will eventually face you today at the beach. 

Their touch comes along with memories, of times in which you would stare in the mirror and not recognize yourself, times in which love sounded like a lie instead of a promise, times in which you couldn’t picture yourself happy. Or alive. 

There’s still a bit of sunscreen staining your wedding ring, but you don’t care. Your love for Hange is splayed all over it.

#hange x reader #hange x y/n #hange zoe x reader #hange fanfic #hange x you #hange fluff

[m-jelly]

JELLYYYY ily okay so get this. hange x reader where reader runs the medic department and hange runs the science department in the survey corps. they are both super passionate about what they do. one day erwin calls both of them into his office to drop the bomb on them that only one department will be able to get a budget increase that year and he’s narrowed it down to their dpts but he ultimately can’t chose which one to give it to. they have a few days to prove to him why their department needs the funds (basically proving to him which dpt is better). for days they just get insanely competitive but like they love each other so it’s also just stuff like “tell him my dpt needs it or im not scratching your back for a month” and just like a bunch of other silly stuff PLS tell me you see the vision

idc what direction you take it i just thought it was super lighthearted and could be fun to write about :D !!

Budget battle

Pairing: Hange x GN!Reader

Genre and tags: Canon, fluff, banter turning serious, heart-to-heart, being a couple.

Concept: Erwin has a budget increase for either you or Hange, he simply asks that you prove which department needs it more. What starts off as banter soon takes a turn when you realise the seriousness of what this money could mean to scout lives.

Note: This took a serious turn near the end, sorry!

Erwin fiddled with his pen as he stared at you and Hange. "Look, I know this is a bit awkward but it is what it is. I only have the budget for one of your departments."

You frowned. "So, you narrowed it down to our departments?"

"Yes." He shifted his papers and sighed. "However, I can't decide who will get the money. I see you both as equally important. So, I'm giving you three days to show me which one needs the money more." He sat back. "I expect this to be civil."

Hange grinned. "Yes. I mean, I will win."

You laughed a little. "I beg your pardon. I'm in the medical field. I need it."

"I'm in the research department! I'm the reason we have advancements in the scouts."

You stood up. "This is my win." You stormed out of the office and moved down the hall. You pouted when you heard Hange shouting for you. "What?"

Hange stopped by you. "I love you."

You kissed her. "I love you too, but I need this money."

"I need it too."

You stared at your girlfriend. "Then I guess we're competing then."

Hange smiled a little. "Yeah."

You hummed and walked away from her and went to your office. You organised your staff and your paperwork. You checked your numbers and made sure everything was perfect. You barely saw your girlfriend as you made sure everything looked good for your Commander. You knew you needed the money more than anything.

"Oh, darling." Hange leaned in your doorway. "You look gorgeous."

You glared at your girlfriend. "You are not distracting me."

"How about we put everything down for a bit and catch up?"

You dropped your papers down and huffed a sigh. "This a truce meeting?"

She walked closer and grabbed your hips. "No, just it's just us hanging out." She moved closer to you. "I just want to give you some loving."

You tugged her against your body and kissed her passionately. "I love you more than anything Hange, but I am serious about winning this money."

She smirked at you. "Me too darling."

You released a long sigh. "Guess this is kind of war, huh?"

"Well, you know what we're both like."

You hummed in response. "Yeah, I do."

Hange rubbed your chest. "I just want you to know, that no matter who wins in this all that I love you with all my heart."

You held Hange and kissed her. "Me too, my love. I love you from the bottom of my heart. You're an incredible woman." You leaned closer making her giggle. "One who I can't wait to make my wife."

Hange giggled in delight as you kissed and nibbled her neck. "Not in the hall, my pumpkin."

You lifted her up and carried her into your office. "Perhaps in my office?"

She purred at you. "You know I love fooling around at work."

You sat her on your desk and slowly pushed her back. "And I love exploring every inch of you." You leaned down but stopped when someone knocked on your door. You stood up and pointed at Hange. "Hold that thought."

Hange closed her legs. "I'm waiting."

You opened your door and nodded as the person spoke. You looked over at Hange and sighed. "Sorry darling, but a group of scouts has come back and I need to tend to their wounds. I'll catch up later."

Hange slipped off your desk and followed you. She stopped in the doorway of your hospital and watched as you stopped the scout from screaming in pain. You then stopped the bleeding and calmed them down. She watched you clean up the area and move on to the next patient.

The next day you wanted to visit Hange to say sorry for the day before. You walked into her lab to see a chalkboard covered in ideas. You watched your lover hurry around with Moblit and other team members as they talked about ideas and advancements.

Hange stopped a moment and looked at a design. "We have to make sure we get this perfect. The better our equipment is the more people we can save. This is all about prevention."

You backed up and walked out of the room. You dragged your heels down the hall and walked to Erwin's office. "Commander? A word?"

Erwin raised his brow as he said your name. "Of course, what is it?"

You released a long sigh. "I'm pulling out. Give the funding to Hange."

"Are you sure?"

You nodded. "Yeah. I have done a lot of thinking and I realized that Hange needs this money more. I treat people who have been hurt, but Hange works to prevent people from getting hurt. It's better to fund prevention than maintenance. Does that make sense?"

Erwin smiled a little. "I understand. Are you absolutely sure about this?"

You sighed. "Yeah. Hange deserves it. I'm pulling out of the race."

"Okay, I'll get the funding together." He stood up and walked over to you. He placed his hand on your shoulder and said your name. "You're a good person."

You hummed a bit. "Just doing my job and thinking of what is best for the scouts. I have scouts to tend to. Thank you for your time."

You left Erwin and returned to your office to finish your paperwork. You cleaned up and went into your hospital and began tending to a few scouts. You chatted to a few and felt bad you couldn't give them top-of-the-line treatment, but with time Hange would do amazing things with her funding.

Hange stared at Erwin in shock. "They just bowed out?"

Erwin nodded. "That's right. They said that you will help prevent deaths when they just keep people living a little longer. You work hard to keep many people fighting and alive. Prevention is better."

Hange stood up in shock. "I ah...thank you...I...I won't let you or them down."

"I can't wait to see what you make."

Hange saluted before running down the hall to see you. She called your name as you helped a scout leave the hospital. "Can we talk?"

You nodded. "Sure. Can we talk as I process their outpatient information?"

She followed you into your office. "Yes." She sat and watched you work. "Why did you bow out?"

You let out a long sigh. "Because it was the right thing to do."

"You did it because you love me?"

You stopped writing. "Yes and no." You looked her in her eyes. "I did it because I love you and because...well...it didn't seem right. Our departments mean we have a lot of lives on our hands. I hated that I was playing this silly game for money while people's lives were at risk. My priority is the scouts, not me winning some silly game. Logically speaking, prevention is better and when I heard you talking about how you want to protect others from getting hurt, it made sense to me. I heal those who are hurt, but your work could stop them from getting hurt in the first place. It makes more sense for you to have the money." You sat back. "I feel like a right asshole being silly about this all. I had no right to play with people's lives." You picked up your pen. "I'm a doctor, I should know better."

Hange walked over to you and sat across your lap. "You care about the scouts more than anyone I know. You weren't being silly and throwing any lives away. You're wonderful, loving, and caring. Thank you for giving me the funding. I will work extra hard to ensure that this offer doesn't go to waste."

You cupped her face and smiled. "You're an incredibly smart woman, Hange Zoe. I know you'll do incredible things." You kissed her and hummed. "I'll be right here for you. Just don't end up in one of my hospital beds, please. You need to sleep, eat and drink regularly."

She smiled. "Well, it's a good job the person I love is an incredible doctor."

#jelly fanfics #gn!reader #gn reader #hange attack on titan #hange zoe #hange zoë #aot hange #snk hanji #hanji zoë #hanji zoe #aot hanji #hange x y/n #hange x reader #hange x you #hange zoe x y/n #hange fanfic #hange zoe x you #hange zöe #hange zoe x reader #aot fanfiction #hanji x reader #attack on titan hanji #hanji zoe x reader

[luxaofhesperides]

Danny accidentally appearing out of Duke's shadow. And doing it purposely every time after that. ; requested by @kyrianclawraith! (deviated from your original prompt a bit, sorry! the ghostlights brainworms got away from me)

Traveling through shadows has become second nature for Duke after using them so extensively over the years. He even uses them as a civilian, hopping between shadows when he’s running late to class so he doesn’t have to stress out over traffic. 

Not even Batman’s scoldings can stop him from making it on time to his classes. Risks need to be taken for the sake of his education!

The shadows are comforting. They hide him from sight, get him to where he needs to go, and gives him the alone time he needs when he’s been around people for too long and desperately needs some quiet to recharge. Duke would say that he’s well versed in the shadows at this point, no longer stumbling out into the light.

Even with all his practice and confidence, he still can’t prepare himself for tripping over someone in the shadows while he’s trying to escape some of The Riddler’s goons. 

They both go tumbling out of the shadows, landing in a corner hidden by storage shelves. The poor tripping hazard of a person is under him, groaning lightly as he reaches up to press a hand to the back of his head, where he hit the concrete floor. 

“Oh, shit,” Duke whispers, “I’m so sorry. What are you doing here? How are you here?”

“I was hiding,” the guy hisses back at him. “I wanted to get out of the rain and dozed off and when I woke up, guns were being shot! I was up in the rafters, so excuse me for thinking no one would find me up there!”

Another gunshot rings out, alarmingly close to where they are.

Duke curses under his breath, then picks up the guy and hauls him over his shoulder. “Time to go!” And then he’s disappearing into the shadows again, following the line of them outside the warehouse and down the street. 

As soon as they’re safely away from the goons, Duke steps out of the shadows and carefully sets the civilian back onto his feet.

“So sorry about that,” he says, “But I need to get back and deal with them. Stay safe!”

He’s gone before the civilian can say anything else, and though it’s embarrassing that he tripped over someone while shadow hopping, at least it ended relatively well. It’s not like it’ll happen again.

Duke, sweet, naive Duke, doesn’t think much of the civilian again. He’s a busy guy with a busy life! Lots of things to do! Lots of embarrassing moments to keep secret from the other Bats! No one has mentioned it at all, so he thinks he’s safe from being teased about it.

That is, up until he’s training with Dick and a hand pops up out of his shadow.

“Um,” Dick says, backflipping away from Duke’s punch. He lowers his escrima sticks and squints at the space behind Duke. “Are you… trying something new with your powers?”

“...No? I’m not using my powers right now.”

Dick looks more and more alarmed. He won’t look away from the space behind Duke, and it’s making him nervous. He doesn't want to look, but he knows he has to. 

Steeling himself, Duke takes a deep breath, then turns slightly to see what’s behind him.

Nothing. 

His gaze goes down, and he sees a pale hand sticking out of his shadow, moving back and forth. It then comes out some more, up to the elbow, and the hand pats the ground Duke’s shadow lays on, a stiff mat perfect for sparring.

Behind him, Dick turns on his escrima sticks, the electricity crackling through the air.

The hand disappears for a moment. 

Then two hands appear and grab the ground, hauling up a body from Duke’s shadow.

Duke is very well versed in shadows. He travels through them almost daily. He thinks he would know if there was some strange netherworld hidden in the shadows where other beings could pop out of shadows like portals. This is alarming, to say the least.

“Don’t move, Duke,” Dick warns, creeping closer, ready to attack.

A head pops out of his shadow. Whatever it is glows and their white hair moves softly as if underwater. They’re facing away from him, so he can’t see their face, but he can see the black, skin-tight suit their wearing as they float up from his shadow, no longer needing their hands to pull themself out. 

“Huh,” they say, looking up at the ceiling.

Dick grabs Duke’s arm and pulls him back, shielding him with his body. “Who are you?” he demands, voice cold. 

The creature/person startles and whips around to stare at them with wide green eyes. His gaze darts down to the electrified escrima sticks, then back up again, visibly nervous.

“Um, hi! Sorry, I didn’t know anyone would be here. Wherever this is.”

“How did you get here?”

“I was practicing a new portalling method. I found a ghost to teach me how to move through shadows, since my usual portals are very bright and noticeable. Not great when you’re trying to be stealthy! I did not mean to end up here.”

Duke stares at him. “You came out of my shadow.”

“Sorry,” the guy repeats. Then he squints at Duke. “Hey, didn’t you save me the other day? From the warehouse?”

It’s been a while since Duke’s saved anyone from a warehouse. Criminals and goons have moved on to condemned apartment complexes and the back rooms of bars. The only person he’s saved is the tripping hazard…

“Man, what is up with you and getting caught in my shadows?”

“This is your fault!” the guy insists. “I associate shadows too strongly with you! That’s why I’m here! Probably. I don’t actually know how this works.”

“You don’t know how it works but you did it anyways.”

“It sounds bad when you say it like that.” The guy floats down to the ground and offers Duke a hand. “I’m Phantom, by the way! Figured I should introduce myself because this will happen again.”

Duke considers introducing himself as the Signal, but Danny is looking directly at his bare face, so it’s lost cause. Talk about an unexpected security breach. “Duke. You looked a little different when we first met.”

“Yeah, that was my human form. This is my ghost form.” A watch on his wrist, some clunky looking thing that looks like it came from the early 2000s, beeps and Phantom frowns at it. “Shoot, I need to go. I’ll see you later!” And he dives right back into Duke’s shadow, disappearing.

Duke blinks at the empty space where Phantom used to be, still reeling from the shock of it. He’s so busy processing the last few minutes that he doesn’t hear the escrima sticks turn off until Dick is dropping a heavy arm around his shoulders, holding him in place. There’s a smile on his face, but it’s not happy; it’s a warning that he’s at his limit and is barely hanging on to niceties.

“So,” he says as Duke cringes, “Looks like we need to have a talk about the things you’ve been hiding from us, Duke.”

He can’t do anything but resign himself to his fate.

After that conversation, he’s instructed to let them know when Phantom pops up. Which is fine until he realizes that Phantom really did mean it when he said that it’ll happen again. 

Phantom pops up constantly. Most of the time, Duke is lucky enough to be at home, or in the Manor, or in the Batcave away from the public where no one will freak out about a glowing boy popping out of his shadow. Sometimes, he’s in the middle of the street as a civilian and has to sprint away, ducking into the first empty alley he can find in order to climb up onto the rooftop where no one will see him.

It’s stressful and confusing and he wishes he could be more upset about it, but Phantom is fun. He’s funny and charming and tells the craziest stories about ghost fights that Duke can’t help but hang onto every word.

He dutifully updates his Phantom Log, noting each time he’s portaled through Duke’s shadow, any information he’s revealed, and an injury count after Duke noticed a concerning pattern of Phantom often showing up after he’s been in a fight.

Duke begins to get a feel for when Phantom is about to show up. A shiver runs down his spine and his awareness of the shadows around him grows. Sometimes, he could swear he could feel something tear apart in his shadow. He feels it then, a tear that stitches itself up almost instantly, a ripple in the shadow, before that familiar hand pops up again and Duke grabs hold of it to haul Phantom out into his bedroom. 

He is, once again injured. There’s a large gash running down the length of his other arm, bleeding a toxic, glowing green. 

“Dude,” Duke says, unable to keep the judgment out of his voice.

“You should see the other guy,” Phantom snorts. “I slammed him through five streets, then ripped his limbs off.

“Dude…”

“Just to be clear, they weren’t his real limbs. He has a robot suit he uses like a body because he’s like a tiny little bean.”

“Yeah, I don’t know how to take that. Anyways, have you still not figured out how to open portals that aren’t connected to my shadow?”

Phantom shrugs. “Nope. And I’m not really trying to figure it out. I like hanging out with you. Plus, it’s nice to see a friendly face after a fight.”

“Can’t you like, go home and have your family take care of you first.”

“Uh, better not,” Phantom laughs nervously. “They’d probably kill me for real if they saw me like this.”

Duke quietly notes to himself to add that statement to the Alarming Things Phantom Says list. 

“Does it… bother you? Me always coming to you?” There’s a smallness to his voice, a fragility that makes Duke want to beat himself up for making Phantom feel like that.

“No! No, I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t keeping you from anyone else.”

Phantom brightens. “Oh! Well, no need to worry about that. No one’s worried, back home. They know I disappear sometimes.”

…Another concerning thing. Duke is considering bribing Phantom into staying in Gotham forever, living in his shadow, just so he can take care of him. Just to be sure Phantom’s safe. “Is there anything I can do for you?” he asks, eyes flickering down to Phantom’s bleeding wound.

Phantom futilely tries to hide the wound with a hand. The green blood leaks out from between his fingers, and he applies more pressure to the wound with a faint wince. “Nope! All good here. I’ll heal in no time, honest.”

“Then, do you want to just hang out? I really don’t know why you’d chose to keep coming to me.”

“You’re good company, dude. Very chill. Very fun. And you’re a hero! That’s so cool. Why wouldn’t I keep coming back?”

Duke shrugs, not sure how to put his insecurities into words. He’s already starting to get the Bat-specific inability to communicate emotions, which is definitely a problem. He’ll need to spend time with other people to be normal again. 

As if sensing that Duke’s mood is falling, Phantom launches into another tale, complaining about people who bother him, teachers who are terrible at teaching, having snark-fights with the embodiment of Time itself, and so on. He always has the craziest stories, and he tells them so casually that Duke has to second guess himself, wondering if he’s overreacting when he’s shocked by what Phantom tells him. 

He starts telling his own stories as well, mostly fun civilian interactions he’s had since they last spoke, villain fights, the ever changing theories on the ‘Who is Batman Sleeping With Now?’ shared document all the other Bats have. By the time an hour passes, Phantom’s arm is fully healed and he’s flying in lazy circles above Duke.

His watch beeps again in the middle of him recounting the insane drama happening at his school. Phantom sighs and sinks back to the floor, hovering just above Duke’s shadow.

“Thanks for letting me stay,” he says, voice warm.

Duke shrugs. “You’re good company. I like when you visit.”

A slow, soft smile spreads across Phantom’s cheeks, making him glow even brighter. “Sweet talker,” he accuses fondly, then flies in for a quick, tight hug. He pulls back before Duke can reciprocate, and salutes him with a cheeky, “See you soon!” and is gone, flying into Duke’s shadow before he can respond.

Shaking his head fondly, Duke falls back against his bed.

Despite how unconventional their friendship is, he is glad Phantom keeps coming back. He hopes he’ll get to see Phantom’s human form again.

…And get more used to the horror movie scene that is Phantom clawing his way out of his shadow. No matter how many times he sees it, the sight still makes him jump.

Not that he’s ever going to admit that.

If Phantom thinks he’s cool, he’s going to do whatever he can to keep that impression from changing. It’s only reasonable, really.

(“Shut up, Dick,” he says later when he recounts this encounter with Phantom. Dick just keeps laughing, endlessly amused that Duke got ‘jumpscared into a crush’ as he phrased it. That’s definitely not what happened.

Next time, he’s definitely convincing Phantom to scare Dick with him. 

Revenge will be his.) . . .

[send me ghostlights prompts! one day left before they close on 11/17]

#ghostlights #dc x dp #dp x dc #dcxdp #dpxdc #dc x dp fic #dp x dc fanfic #prompt fill #my writing #100% after danny gets a hang of traveling thru shadow portals more hes going to help duke in fights #meaning duke is going to throw a ball of shadows like a pokeball and dannys going to pop out of it to deliver a spectacular flying tackle #theyre the dream team (trouble makers) :) #thanks for the prompt!!

[wandixx]

one-shot snippet

Duke was running out of fumes to run on. The last few days would be exhausting if it was just vigilante or just civilian stuff but no, he had to have it both. Because of Arkham break out, he had been called in three nights in a row, not for a whole patrol but he couldn't exactly sleep it off during the day like others did, especially not in a week when every teacher decided they needed to have test or quiz or what not. Naps meant he wasn't as sleep-deprived as he could be but he needed far more. But he couldn't because crime in Gotham never sleeps so he had normal patrol to finish and there were about two hours left.

Would something bad happen if he just stopped for a moment and laid on a roof? Ten up to fifteen minutes. It was a slow day too…

Yeah, no, he deserved a moment to rest and if something disastrous was to happen in the meantime he would shame other Bats for not giving him enough time to sleep.

It certainly said something that he found gravel covering this roof to be quite comfortable. He set a timer for ten minutes and let himself close his eyes.

When the loud screech of the timer jolted him awake, he was suddenly fully aware that he wasn't alone anymore. He sat up a little too quickly.

"Oh, you're awake" white white-haired girl around Damian's age chimed, sitting cross-legged just a few feet away from him. She wore something that could only be described as a lab safety hazmat suit, white and black with popping green accents. When had Gotham gotten a new vigilante/villain/whoever the girl was? "Good, I just returned from a snack hunt," she added, gesturing at a big textile bag lying next to her. Duke didn't have enough brainpower to do anything more than ask.

"What?"

The girl shrugged, take-out from BatBurger in her hand.

"You look like you have a bad day if not a few days, so I've got you my cousin's bad day combo or at least the closest thing I could. BatBurger burger isn't as good as NastyBurger but you certainly have better fries" As she spoke, a second take-out bag, 1 liter bottle of energy drink, juice bottle of the same size, and pack of convenience store brownies joined greasy paper bag sealed with a sticker.

"Is your cousin a speedster?" Excuse Duke, it was a totally valid question, he saw with his bare eyes both Wally West and Bart Allen when they visited Manor. No one else would be able to stomach the amount of food they inhaled during their stays.

"Nah, we're not that fast or that hungry. Though I think I may get closer to the speed of sound." So, clearly, a meta if white hair and weir aura that let his eyes rest weren't enough indication "My cousin when he has a bad few days often forgets to eat so this combo has to help with there too. But I'll steal your fries of course."

Duke was not going to look a gift horse in the teeth, so he grabbed one bag and tore it open. There was a classic combo with bigger fries and NightWings inside.

"Thank you…" he trailed off, hoping that the girl would take a clue and introduce herself but she didn't. She just drowned her fries in ketchup and started munching. She had her own juice.

"My cousin always said that each part of this combo has a different purpose." she explained instead, slightly muffled because of the fries in her mouth "This" she gestured towards the fast food meal "is to soothe your stomach. This "she tapped energy drink "is to soothe your brain and kick it back online. This "she raised a bottle of juice "is to soothe your taste buds because energy drinks are war crime against them and this "she nudged brownies "is to soothe your heart because Ancients damn it, this day is awful and you deserve it. At least that's what he told me when I had day bad enough to deserve that" she shrugged, licking ketchup of her finger. Suddenly she froze "You aren't allergic, are you?

"No, I'm not" he confessed bewildered.

"Good"

For a long moment, they sat in silence, devouring food the little girl brought. Duke distantly wondered if this was how the night shift spent their snack breaks. It felt nice.

He was finishing his part of the brownies when the girl spoke up again.

"Do you feel better now?"

"Yeah," he was a little surprised to realize that t it was true. He'll have to note down what she put in this 'bad day combo'. "Thank you"

"Don't mention it." she shrugged with a general gesture of dismissal "You're one of my cousin's favorite heroes because you're vaguely his age and handle Gotham alone during the day and I quote "She did honest or God air quotes at that" 'As only hero in Amity-' which is a lie by the way, Val is doing great and even if he suddenly got problem with how she feels about his alter ego, he still has Sam and Tuck even if they're usually more of moral support. And I helped when I visited, so no, he isn't the only one. Anyway as he said 'As the only hero in Amity, my heart goes out for anyone who deals with this type of bullshit so Dani if you absolutely have to prank heroes, leave them out of it, especially Signal, he can't be older than Jazz, he doesn't need any more mess to handle.' All aliens and lanterns are also off-limits because he is a space nerd. But you aren't space-related so I'm like 80% percent sure he has a celebrity crush on you" She slurped more juice, unbothered.

Duke was thankful he wasn't swallowing anything because for sure she would choke. He took a split second to consider addressing… this whole situation and choose against it. He was not ready to be anyone's celebrity crush.

"Your name is Danny?" he asked instead.

"Dani" she corrected" with an I"

"Ok. It's nice to meet you Dani-with-an-I" She giggled, nodding her head slightly.

"It's nice to meet you too Signal"

Duke stood up, stretching a little. Dani joined him after hastily putting all the trash in her bag. She was a little higher than expected.

"I have to get back to my patrol"

"Cool," she drifted back a bit, making him realize that she was floating a few inches above the ground. She fixed her bag on her arm.

"Hey, can I hang out a little bit more? My cousin will go green out of jealousy when I tell him" she added with a mischievous smirk but Duke could tell there was more to it. He took a moment to consider it, which apparently made the girl nervous "I can be invisible the whole time, like before." she offered, disappearing in the meantime. He could still tell where she was, because of her heat signature, and aura but for regular people, she would be no different than the surrounding air.

"Yeah, you can hang around and you don't have to be invisible. Just don't get in my way when I have to actually do some fighting."

She popped back to the visible spectrum and pouted like Damian whenever he got benched.

" I can fight, y'know? I stopped mugging on a snack run."

It was ten goddamn minutes, how could she get so much food and stop a mugging in such a short time?!

Oh, right, superspeed. Still, impressive.

"I haven't seen it" he started, channeling all Dick-trying-to-wrangle-Damian-into-socially-acceptable-activity' energy he could muster "So I don't know how you fight or even what powers you have. If we tried to fight together we would trip over each other" It was a bare-faced lie, Bat Training made sure of that but he knew for a fact that if he said anything else, the girl would be mad and probably did her own thing.

Was that what Bruce thought about all of them?

Oh no.

Dani still looked displeased but after a moment of consideration, she nodded with a defeated sigh.

Suddenly she straightened like she got struck by lightning and whipped around.

"Wha-"

She just shushed raising her finger to her mouth. Duke did indeed quieten.

"I have enhanced hearing" she whispered "There is a mugging somewhere this way."

"Let's go then" he shot his grapple, waving his other hand at Dani to come with him before he jumped off the roof. He heard the girl giggle as she flew right after him.

" After this, you'll show me the coolest gargoyles, okay? Sam asked for photos"

"Okay"

It seemed that the end of this patrol wouldn't be as bad as the start was. Hopefully.

And afterward, he was going to lock himself in his room until the sky fell or he was well rested.

Yeah, that was a good plan.

*******

how do you like it?

#it's been in my wips for some time and i wanted to finish it before posting anything #but my creative brain don't want to kick in lately and i really wanted to share something about this idea so here you are #later Duke kinda trains Dani #they hang out #Dani gets a new alias and makes minor costume changes #i had it all drawn and can't wait to share with y'all but i need to finish writing first so you know a context #dc x dp #thoughts? #dpxdc #dp x dc #dcxdp #one shot #writing wip #fanfic #have a nice day dear stranger who got to this part

[awooghan]

fall in love with me (this christmas) ✧.* h.hj

➳ PAIRING: hyunjin x fem!reader

➳ GENRE: fluff, mild angst, best friends to lovers, christmas

➳ WARNINGS: mild language, mentions of food, hyunjin is tipsy in one part (he and reader are ‘00 or ‘01 tho so they’re legal), UNEDITED (will be fully edited by new years) UPDATE: fully edited as of jan. 19, 2024

➳ WORD COUNT: 22.9k (final wc after editing)

➳ SUMMARY: hyunjin has one last chance to have a college christmas romance and he’ll do anything to have it—even if it means fake-dating his best friend. (inspired by "cold december night" by michael buble)

➳ NOTES: MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!! 🎄❄️ i hope you have/had an amazing day with love ones and good food! this fic is my christmas collab with my bestie @ujimoo :3 some parts r kind of rough bc we didn't fully edit yet but i hope y'all enjoy <3

network tags: @kflixnet @straykidsland-main @kwritersworld

prologue.

– halloween.

You didn’t think the night could get any worse.

The night started from the moment you caught a whiff of beer, sweat, and Dior Sauvage as Hyunjin dragged you by the hand to ‘Jackson’s 2023 Annual Hallo-Wang Party’. You could think of a thousand other ways you wanted to spend your Halloween that didn’t involve being stuck here, but you lost a bet with Chan, so you don’t exactly have a choice.

So here you are, sitting in the kitchen with your now-ruined costume sticking to your skin, thanks to someone (Jeongin) spilling his tequila on you when you were playing beer pong. Now, not only is your head throbbing from the smell of frat party, but you have an ugly pink blotch on the costume you took weeks to put together.

You nurse whatever the concoction of alcohol is the punch when Hyunjin, too tipsy for his own good, slides up next to you and rests his chin on your shoulder. 

“Y/NNN~…” he sighs, wrapping his arms around your waist. “There you are!” 

Fighting against his hold on you, you’re finally able to get his hands away from your waist, only for him to wrap his arms around your arm like a lost child. 

“Why don’t you love me?” he mumbles, hiccuping at the end of his sentence. “Do you hate me?” 

A smile tugs at your lips as you turn to look at your best friend. His blond hair falls in front of his eyes as he stares at you. “Of course.” 

His nose scrunches in disgust and he shakes his head as your laughter surrounds him. It somehow makes him feel lighter than all of the alcohol he’s drunk combined. 

“You’re so mean, why would you say that?” he whines. He grabs your arm tighter and shoves his head on your shoulder. 

Exhaling, you pat his head lightly before resting your head on his. It’s like the world goes silent for a moment as you run your fingers through his hair.

You’re both like that for an uncertain amount of time before Hyunjin jumps back up, his arms still around your arm. A large tipsy smile creeps on his face and he suddenly begins to giggle. The way his eyes light up almost makes you do the same.

“I think Jisoo is going to ask me out~” He sighs dreamily.  “I feel the vibes, you can feel it too, right?” 

You catch the way two of your friends, Changbin and Jisung, are watching you from the kitchen door. Sticking your tongue out at them, they return it with winks, eyeing up both you and Hyunjin. 

You turn back to the giggly blond clinging to your arm and shrug. “I’m not sure. I don’t really see her around campus.”

You’re not trying to sound like you’re completely disinterested in what Hyunjin’s saying, but when you already know where it’s heading, you can’t help it. You’re not really sure Hyunjin is even listening though when he sighs to himself and tugs on your arm again. 

“This is—” tug. “My chance—” tug. “For my Christmas romance, Y/Nie.” A harder tug.  “I can feel it in the air!” Aggressive shaking.

Breaking your arm away from him, you huff. Can’t you have one night before Hyunjin’s constant babbling about Christmas and Christmas romances?

“Can we wait till after Halloween to talk about Christmas, please?” you groan, causing Hyunjin to sneer at you. 

“Why do you have to be such a Grinch?” he attempts to whisper—but his intoxicated brain has other ideas. 

You attempt to ignore the feeling of his arms sneakily slipping around your waist again and the way his head seems to fit into the dip of your shoulder as you sigh.

“Ask me about it again tomorrow.” 

…

You really didn’t think the night could get any worse. But after corralling Hyunjin, who could barely stand on his own, back to his dorm, you were proven wrong. So, so wrong.

When you finally untangle yourself from his hold and hand him off to his poor roommate, Felix, it’s 11:58pm. Normally, you wouldn’t care to watch the clock for something so mundane, but you had a feeling he was going to text you the minute you look away.

And sure enough, the second you leave Hyunjin’s dorm building, you feel your phone vibrate in your hoodie pocket.

Hyunnie : it’s november 1st Hyunnie : it’s christmas time bitch!! Hyunnie : ah Hyunnie : sorry for calling you a bitch… Hyunnie : i got excited TT

You can only roll your eyes fondly. At least it’s November now.

one.

– november 1st.

Hyunjin feels sticky. 

Every year he rejoices at the start of the Christmas season, but every year he also forgets that the start is the one part he hates. The morning is so nice and icy-cold, everything sweater weather should be. But by midday… the sweater has to come off. Then he’s sweating in places he shouldn’t be, he’s itching all over, and he’s all grumpy and gross and he just wants to shower twenty times to try and rid himself of the feeling of his clothes clinging to his skin. 

He can see his breath just past his nose as he tries to rid his shoes of the mush that is the remains of fallen leaves. He knows he shouldn’t have worn his pristine white sneakers that you had gotten him for his birthday earlier that year (ones that he, not to mention, cleans frantically after every use). But they go so well with his dark grey jeans that he had to! The things he does for his passion for fashion…

When Jisoo first messaged him asking to meet up by the trees, it felt like a dream come true, one he’s been waiting for for so long. But now that he’s here, he’s not sure how long he’s been waiting, but he feels like he’s a Sim with stink lines coming off of him and he wants to scream. His controller must hate him because nothing is going as he planned. 

So when he finally sees Jisoo in the distance, he lets out a sigh of relief. He sees her try and keep her bag on her shoulder as she rushes over. When she’s finally in front of him, with strands of hair stuck to her face, her mouth slightly open as she tries to catch her breath… all Hyunjin does is blink. 

If you had asked him a week ago, he would have found this adorable. He would have screamed in her face and pinched her cheeks, before running to his dorm and spamming your texts about how Jisoo is the cutest girl he’s ever seen and how his heart has never beaten as fast as it does around her. 

But now he’s standing there, with the love of his life right in front of him, and he feels… wrong. There’s murky puddles and soggy leaves surrounding his and Jisoo’s feet, an angry draft blows past his ears as he tries to read Jisoo’s lips, and a stifling blanket that’s the same dirty shade of grey as his dryer lint trap smothers him from overhead. Nothing feels right, he feels icky, and his heart is fluttering for all the wrong reasons. All he wants to do is run off into the sunset, and not with her.

He barely even hears her as the whole world moves in fast forward while he stands there completely still. And he doesn’t even remember what he says before he walks away, his shoulder brushing against Jisoo’s in the process. He doesn’t even turn back when he hears her call out to him multiple times. 

He’s sure that when he tells you his over-dramatised version of what he assumes was Jisoo’s confession, you’ll do your exaggerated laugh that makes you snort and then complain that you snorted. You’ll look at him in a way that screams ‘I told you so,’ and he hates it so much that he considers not telling you at all.

But even he knows he’s a blabbermouth and as soon as he lays his eyes on you, the words will fall out of his mouth before he even has a chance to think. 

So he goes to the nearest pizza place by your dorm, and he orders your usual: half cheese, half pepperoni. You’re too indecisive to pick just one, so you get both. He orders his own pizza too and he sits and waits, stripping himself of his scarf and his hat before shoving it into his backpack and playing around with his hair, trying to get it to look right before his order is called. 

When he’s finally outside your door, he doesn’t bother to knock—he walks straight in and calls out for you. You rush out of your room, an oversized hoodie covering your frame with your hood up. 

“Damn it, Hyun, can’t you call before you show up uninvited?” you huff, instantly eyeing up the pizzas. “What would you have done if I wasn’t here?” 

Hyunjin shrugs. He knows there’s no way you’d be anywhere else. Your friends are his friends and they’re all in class or with their own significant others… not that that matters…

He hands you your own pizza and smiles at the way you smile when you fall onto the couch and stuff the first slice into your mouth. A muffled ‘thank you’ somehow escapes your lips. Gulping it down, you wipe your mouth with your sleeve, causing Hyunjin to curl his lip in disgust.

“Why are you here, anyway?” you ask before tearing off another bite of pizza.

“No reason.” He’s trying his best to do a Mary-Kate and Ashley and keep his lips sealed, but it’s no use. 

You just blink at him until the dam finally bursts. 

“Jisoo confessed to me and I turned her down.”

Still blinking, you furrow your eyebrows as you look at him in confusion. “But… isn’t that what you wanted?” 

Hyunjin keeps his eyes locked on the pizza slice he’s playing with aimlessly instead of actually eating. He can’t even explain how he’s feeling. He wanted, no, dreamed of the perfect confession, and he blew his chance. Because of… bad vibes? How do you even explain that?

“I… I don’t know,” he mumbles. He sighs, dropping the pizza box on his lap as he throws his head back against the couch to look up at the ceiling. “It just…” He pauses. “It wasn’t what I thought it would be.” 

“Is a confession ever going to be perfect, though?”

Hyunjin sits up instantly at the question. The way he moves so suddenly makes you jump, but he doesn’t mean to scare you. He’s just very… passionate…  about the subject. ‘Passionate’ may not be enough to describe it.

“Of course it can be!” He has to stop himself from blabbing too much. He’s sure you’re tired of hearing his speeches about this, so he just gives you the short version. “It’s the biggest moment of any relationship! With the right person, it’s always going to be perfect. Like, you know in your heart when it’s right, and…” he sighs, “I didn’t feel that.” 

He looks at you, and you nod. “Then… maybe you didn’t like her as much as you thought you did?” 

Hyunjin falls against the couch again. His voice comes out as a whine this time, “But that was my last chance at a Christmas romance!” 

Is he being dramatic? Maybe a little, Hyunjin figures. He’s just lucky it’s you he’s ranting to, because the most you do in response to this is huff and give him a look. If it was one of mutual friends, they would have slapped some sense into him by now. Metaphorically, at least… hopefully.

“This isn’t your last chance at a Christmas romance, you know that right?” you say. “You’re acting like this is your last Christmas, period.” 

He sinks somehow further into the couch. “Okay, fine.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “My last college Christmas romance.” 

“You didn’t have one last year? Why does it matter now?” you ask, reaching once more for your pizza. 

“Because it’s our final year!! That’s kind of the point of it being the final chance, Y/N.” 

Hyunjin knows you mean well, but you rolling your eyes at him as you shove another bite into your mouth isn’t helping his plight. He can’t help but frown at you, though, not only because of your reaction, but now because you’re talking with your mouth full.

“Here’s an idea,” you gulp down some of the pizza stuffed in your cheeks, “just fake it till you make it. Get someone to fake date you.” 

It takes a second for Hyunjin to process what you say. But when he does, he gasps loudly and sits up even faster than last time. He turns and grabs hold of your shoulders so fast that it takes all of your force not to fall backwards.

“You’re a genius!”

You smirk, shrugging your shoulders. “I know. No need to remind me.” 

The look of disgust returns and Hyunjin slowly moves his hands away from your shoulders like you just infected him with something. “Don’t make me regret saying that.” 

“We both know it’s true, though.” 

“I hate you.” 

“I hate me too.” 

He ignores your self-degrading comment and sighs. His arms find their way to cross themselves over his chest once more and he thinks to himself for a minute. He has a world of possibilities at his fingertips, but he knows exactly what he wants to do. Just… he doesn’t know how to say it. Might as well just rip the bandaid.

“So when’s our first fake date?”

You cough out whatever pizza you had left in your mouth and it takes you a moment to catch your breath again. When you finally have a moment to breathe, you look at Hyunjin. “Our what?!” 

Hyunjin simply blinks at you. He just asked the most obvious question in the world, and you’re looking at him like you just asked him to solve a derivative. He doesn’t even remember what that is.

You motion for him to continue, but he’s still blinking. “What?” he says.

“When I suggested fake dating someone, I didn’t mean me!”

“Of course it has to be you!” he frantically tries to explain.  “I-I can’t just ask a random person to fake date me when I have no idea who they are!” 

“So you just assume I’d say ‘yes’?!” 

“Oh, come on, please!” he begs, actually getting down on the floor in front of you. He links his hands together as he whips out his best puppy dog eyes. 

He waits and goes still and keeps giving you that cartoonish pleading stare. Then, you sigh.

“I feel like I get nothing out of this. You get your fake Christmas romance and what do I get? A fake boyfriend I didn’t ask for?” 

He goes still again. He thinks hard about anything that will get you to agree. He’ll pull out the big guns, if he has to. And that’s what he does, and based on the terrified look on your face, he’s sure he has a crazed gleam in his eyes when he says it.

“I’ll never complain about not having or finding a Christmas romance again!” 

Hyunjin can’t believe he said that. You stare at him, he’s staring at you. He’s sure you don’t believe him.

“Come on!” he huffs. “Don’t look at me like that!”

“You can’t keep anything to yourself, you really believe you’d be able to keep that?” 

Hyunjin nods frantically.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” he hears you mutter before looking him in the eyes. “Fine. I’ll do it.” 

Hyunjin’s up in another flash, pushing you with all his weight against the couch as he hugs you even tighter. 

“THANK YOU!! You’re the best!!” 

And in the next moment, he’s standing, his hand out for you to take. “Let's go!” A confident beam is plastered on his face. He can’t say the same for you.

“Huh?”

You just keep staring at his outstretched hand. Knowing you’re not going to move, Hyunjin just huffs and grabs your hand, pulling you to the front door.

“On our first date, decorating your dorm!!” 

“HUH?!”

—

As you walk through the store, Hyunjin has his fingers entwined with yours so tightly that you almost think he’s cutting off blood flow. It’s almost as if he was afraid you’d change your mind and disappear if he let go. 

He beelines towards the Christmas decorations. You don’t know why he insisted on buying more when you still have the stuff that he made you get last year—you just forgot where you put it. But you live in a tiny college dorm, so it’s not like you had many places to look.

It’s whatever, you guess. You don't bother to question what’s going through his mind right now. It won’t end well if you do.

Hyunjin’s other hand is pushing an extra large cart you're sure you don’t need, but he got it anyway. He can’t possibly be thinking of filling up the whole cart, can he? You live in a college dormitory. Only so much can fit.

After what seems like a lifetime, you’re both in front of the Christmas decorations. With his hand still stuck to yours like glue, he starts to examine each set of decorations with his other hand, holding it up close to his eyes as if he doesn’t have perfect vision. 

“What are you doing?” you ask. 

“Checking,” he mutters, placing a box of lights back down on the shelf before picking up another one.

“Checking for…?” 

He huffs, drops his shoulders, and stares at you with nothing behind his eyes. “The perfect lights. They shouldn’t be broken and we need to know they’ll shine bright enough.” 

“They’re lights, Hyun,” you respond simply. “It doesn’t matter if they’re perfect or not.” 

Pushing your lips into a line, you stare at each other in silence for a moment or two—honestly, you’re not too sure how long the moment actually is. Hyunjin just looks away, placing the box of lights back onto the shelf. 

“You’re relying too much on everything being perfect.” 

You feel the way his grip tightens around your hand. He stays silent, picking up another box of lights before placing them in the shopping cart. “These are perfect,” he says, ignoring your words. “We should get these.” 

He pushes the cart further down whilst dragging you along in the process. Picks up another set of lights, checks them, and puts them down, before repeating this a few times before he’s happy with the one he’s decided on. He does this for many of the tinsel, for some random ornaments, and for random chocolates and candy canes to hang on the tree. 

You’re fiddling on your phone when he tugs on your hand, causing you to look up at him. In his free hand are two mini stuffed animal ornaments. He’s gazing at them with a look in his eyes you can’t quite place.

“It’s us.” His eyes find yours. There’s a softness to his voice that compliments the warm smile he gives you. “We should get them… they’re perfect.” 

This time, you squeeze his hand back. His smile infects you, and you’re unable to do anything but return it. Nodding, you return your gaze back to the two little stuffed ornaments. “They are perfect… like us.” 

“There’s that smile I missed so much!” he says sarcastically.

“Aaaand moment ruined.”

You tug at his hand, trying to get them to finally unlink. The sweat forming in between them is getting a bit much. 

“You can’t escape from me that easily,” Hyunjin says with a smoulder.

“Ew,” you fake gag. “You’ve been hanging out with Jisung too much. Only he makes the fuckboy thing work, bestie.” 

“Bestie- zoned?” Hyunjin gasps, his over-dramatic look you’re so accustomed to taking over his features. “I thought I was your boyfriend?” 

Your smile drops and you want to smack him and his teasing into next week. “FAKE boyfriend.” 

He turns from you as he hisses to you or himself—you’re not really sure which—before he pulls you further down the aisle. 

“You’re no fun.”

two.

– november 3rd.

Looking around your dorm makes you want to throw up. 

After Hyunjin took you (read: dragged you) shopping the other day, the boy immediately took the bags of stuff to your dorm and started plastering the stuff everywhere. Now, the room is filled to the brim with golden lights and colourful tinsel, and your little desk tree was just as flashy. Considering that your space is a tiny college dorm, it makes the space feel a bit suffocating, but not unenjoyable.

You fear Hyunjin took “deck the halls” a little too far and that your dorm will catch on fire because of it, not just because of the three separate Christmas candles Hyunjin insisted on buying, but also because of how dangerously close they were to the tinsel. You wonder what your roommate, Yeri, would say about this. Actually, you’re not entirely sure when you last saw her.

You aren’t able to dwell much longer on the thought as a knock followed by a crash and yelp pulls you out of your own head. You hurry to the door and open it to find none other than your Christmas menace, Hyunjin, sprawled on his butt in front of you. Bags with what appear to be baking ingredients are spread all over the ground around him. 

“Hey~” is the only thing he says, a sheepish smile on his face, as you stare at him incredulously. 

“What’s all this?”

“It’s…” he starts as you help him up, then trails off once he’s upright. He bends down to pick up a bag of chocolate chips by his feet, then he looks at you and holds them out proudly. “…Our next date!”

You roll your eyes fondly at the boy. Of course, he already thought up a second date idea so soon. Knowing him, he’s probably been planning this since he got home after the first date.

But still, you can’t help but crack a smile. Baking cookies seems like a fun little fake date—after all, it’s hard to make Christmas cookies into some sappy Hallmark scene. Plus, you get to keep half the batch at the end.

What could go wrong?

As you help pick up the rest of the ingredients off the floor, you notice a neatly folded piece of paper fall out of Hyunjin’s pocket. You stick it in your pocket before placing a milk carton and a brown sugar pack on the kitchen island, then you take out and unfold the paper, squinting as you read it.

“Is this… Felix’s recipe?” you say. The distinct way he loops his ‘Y’s gives it away for you.

“N… No…” Hyunjin tries to convince you, but his statement comes out as more of a question than a definitive answer.

You give him another incredulous look.

“Okay, fine, it is!” he huffs, throwing his head back dramatically. “I begged him for the recipe so we could try to make it together. His cookies always come out great, so it can’t be that hard!” He grins confidently, but that facade quickly fades. “…Right?”

A smile returns to your lips. “Right! Yeah!” You’re afraid your smile looks more nervous than confident, though. “Totally…”

“We can do it! I think…”

Hyunjin laughs a little, and you follow too, even if it feels somewhat forced.

“And if we fail, we’ll just get the store-bought ones!” he adds. “Easy as pie.” A small smile dances on his lips. “Anything for my favourite girlfriend~” he sings, winking at you playfully.

Any hint of your smile, real or not, drops at the sentence.

“Fake girlfriend.”

“Potayto, potahto. Now help me with the batter.”

…

“Are you sure you’re doing this right?” you say.

Instead of jumping into baking right away, you and Hyunjin have spent the past ten minutes overwhelmed over the instructions Felix provided. It’s not that they’re difficult or anything—fifteen steps to make some cookies just feels like a lot. 

Especially to two beginners, one of which is struggling to cut a one-pound stick of butter in half with a cleaver. You’re left to watch Hyunjin nearly slice his fingers as he tries, a near-grimace twisted on your face.

“I got it, I got it!” Hyunjin grunts as he tries to push the cleaver down.  “Almost… there…”

The way his fingers are so dangerously close to the blade makes you wince. After another moment, you can’t take watching him anymore.

“Oh my god, give me the knife.”

In hindsight, it was probably a bad idea to shoo Hyunjin away from the cleaver while he’s holding it for dear life. Knowing him, he could’ve found a way to cut himself even after he let go. Luckily, you both remain unscathed and you successfully cut the butter in half.

“What’s next?” Hyunjin asks as he watches you cut one of the halves. He peeks at the recipe over your shoulder.

You scan the paper for the next step, moving it quickly so he can see, too. “Looks like the… dry ingredients? We can start with the flour, I guess.”

“Flour…”

Hyunjin hums along with “Santa Tell Me” by Ariana Grande as he digs through the ingredient pile on the island. You glance up and find yourself giggling at the silly hand gestures he makes.

“Flour coming right…” he announces, letting out a grunt as he lifts the giant bag, “…up!”

You set the cleaver aside and rush to help him carry the bag. “Why’d you buy the ten kilogram bag?!”

“I didn’t know how much we needed!” He lets out a dramatic huff once you both get the bag on a stool.

“I’m pretty sure a normal-sized bag would have been enough, Hyun.”

“Look,” Hyunjin huffs again and runs a hand through his hair, “I’ve learned from Felix, alright? This is serious cookie and movie date business and we can’t make mistakes.” 

Fake cookie date.

“But there’s going to be mistakes, that’s just how it is.” You shrug, carefully opening the bag, then letting out a sigh as a lump of flour falls out onto the floor. “Just think, Felix’s recipes weren’t perfect straight away—” 

Hyunjin cuts you off with a gasp. A hand flies over his heart as he stares at you with betrayal. “Excuse you, they’ve always been great. You’re lucky I wouldn’t tell him you said that.”

You decide not to say anything else, but get the flour ready to sieve into the mixture. “Do you want to do this or I?” 

Even though he still has too much energy, he gently pushes you out of the way and takes the sieve from your hands. “Me, me, me.” 

Without bothering to do anything else, he takes a handful of flour and dumps it into a sieve and starts tapping at the side of it. 

“Hyunjin!” you gasp, “We could at least measure it first!” 

“Live a little, Y/N!” Hyunjin sways to the music. “You said nothing has to be perfect right away! I’m trying to follow your advice.” 

You blink, half-laughing, half-scoffing. “I didn’t mean to not follow the recipe! We still have to, you know.”

Hyunjin doesn’t say anymore, he just continues to sieve the flour into the bowl. However, by the bridge of the song, he’s so into it that he’s nearly forgotten what he’s doing. While he goes on autopilot, the flour soon enough misses the bowl entirely and lands on the kitchen counter and over his shoes. 

“Oops,” he giggles. 

“I’m baking with a child,” you mutter to yourself, arms crossed over your chest. 

He picks up another handful of the flour and looks down at the mixture before looking over at you. He stares at you, you stare at him. It’s like a silent battle. 

“Don’t you dare.” 

He does dare. However, instead of throwing it at you, he throws it up; and instead of landing on you directly, it falls lightly to the floor, just barely falling into your socks. He grins and a giggle escapes his lips. 

Whatever self-control you have leaves you at that moment and you grab your own handful of flour. As you step forward, he steps back, causing you to raise an eyebrow. 

“You’re not scared… are you?” you question.

He scoffs. “Me? Scared?” He fakes a cackle. “Never!” 

You take another step forward. He takes another back. 

“So you wouldn’t mind if I—” 

Rushing forward, you push your hand into his cheek, letting the flour fall from your hand and over him. Some of the remnants left on his cheek fall as he huffs. 

“That’s it.” He grabs another scoop. “You’re on.” 

You have exactly two seconds to decide what to do before Hyunjin stalks toward you, a mischievous grin on his face and handful of flour held high. You turn and start to scramble away from him right as he pounces, trying to grab you so he can dump the flour on your head.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?” He giggles tauntingly. “Don’t you want a hug from your loving boyfriend~?” 

“Fake boyfriend!” you call over your shoulder.

Trying desperately not to trip, you make a mad dash for the living room, Hyunjin’s cackles ring in your ears as he bounds closer. You get two more big steps in and just as you’re about to leap for the couch, a strong arm wraps itself around your middle and pulls you back. 

“Got you~” Hyunjin’s voice is right next to your ear and you can practically hear him smirking in victory. You wriggle around, trying to free yourself but it’s to no avail. 

You’re able to turn just enough to face him and send him the glare he deserves. He just faces you, narrowing his eyes for a second, then that look falls to a more disapproving one.

“Are you ready to follow the recipe now?” the boy asks sassily.

You want to smack his pretty face so bad.

“I hate you.”

…

Surprisingly, Hyunjin keeps his word and actually follows Felix’s recipe, word-for-word. You’re happy with how the balls of cookie dough turned out, even though you just placed them in the oven—and don’t tell Hyunjin, but you ate a bit of the dough. It’s too good.

“And now we wait twelve minutes,” you declare as you start a timer on your phone. You leave it on the island and head over to the living room.

You watch, baffled, as Hyunjin spreads out tattered-looking physical copies of a bunch of Christmas movies over your coffee table. Once they’ve landed in a heap, he turns back and looks at you, the same way a dog does when it thinks it's done something incredible. 

To say you’re confused as to why he brought over DVDs when you could just rent the movies online is an understatement. Especially when he knew full well that you somehow had access to Chan’s Netflix account—you hacked it, but is it really hacking when his password is ilovefelix143?

Hyunjin’s eyebrows basically merge. Instead of being a little happy puppy, he’s now like a puppy with his tail stuck between his legs. “Why are you looking at me like that?” 

Your eyes shift from him to the movies and back.

“You…” sigh. “You know we have Netflix, right?” 

“That’s not the same thing,” he whines. “And you know it! The vibe will be totally off if we watch them all on Netflix!”

You might as well be a fan of BlackPink because all you can do is blink. “And it won’t be if we watch them on DVD?” 

Rising his fist, Hyunjin grabs your shoulder to shake you lightly. As you attempt to push him away, his grip somehow gets tighter. 

“Just pick,” shake. “one to,” he tugs your arm. “ start with!” 

“Alright!” You huff, flailing your arms around to finally get him to drop his grip. You point in a random direction. “That one!” 

It’s his turn to blink. “You’re not pointing at shit and you know it.” 

…

With a movie finally picked out, the title screen theme of The Muppets’ Christmas Carol begins to repeat as Hyunjin is in the kitchen getting the cookies out of the oven. However, after the fifth repeat, you’re ready to pull your hair strand by strand from your head. 

“Are you almost ready?!” you call out to him. “This music is driving me insane!”

Part of you wants to complain more, but you bite your tongue. It could’ve been worse—it could’ve been the theme of When Harry Met Sally on repeat.

Hyunjin appears at the door, tray in hand. “You can’t really go mad if you’re already there.” 

If it wasn’t a threat to the precious cookies currently residing in the tray in his hands, you would have thrown every pillow on this couch at him. 

“You say I’m mean to you, but then this is how you treat me!” You gasp, watching as he rolls his eyes.

You catch the way his lip turns up into a smirk when he sets down the tray of cookies on the coffee table. 

“I’m so sorry my precious girlfriend, whom I care so deeply about, how can I ever repay you?”  

It’s go time. Grabbing the pillow, you aim and whack him over and over as he falls onto the couch, his arms up in protest, but his laughter is still loud enough to seep into your ears. “Not the face! I’m too beautiful to die this young!” 

“I,” whack. “hate,” you huff and raise the pillow above your head. “you,” whack. “so much!” 

He somehow grabs the pillow, pulling it towards him. But with his strength, he accidentally pulls you forward, causing you to fall onto his chest. Like on instinct, his arms wrap around you tightly to stop you from falling off of the couch. 

You feel his breath on your ear as he lets out a chuckle and it makes a tingle run up your spine.

“I know you love me.��� 

You’re up in a flash, using all of your strength to push him off of the couch and onto the floor. 

“AHH!!!”

You snicker at the loud shriek Hyunjin makes. Plopping your bum on the couch, you shoot your fake boyfriend a petty stare as you reach for a cookie and, very slowly, take a huge bite.

Holy shit. You’ve never tasted a cookie so good before. The way the gooey, melty goodness dances in your mouth is so addictive, you barely notice Hyunjin giving you a death glare from the floor.

“What?” you say with your mouth full, reaching for the remote.

“That’s supposed to be our batch,” he sneers nasally, as if he’s Squidward himself. You try not to spit out the food in your mouth.

“Not anymore.” You point the remote at the TV and hit ‘play’. “You can get the next batch.”

three.

– november 10th.

“Can we let go for a bit?” you mumble, causing Hyunjin to look at you. “My hand is getting sweaty.” 

“Oh, sorry,” Hyjnjin gasps, looking down at your hands. He lets go and rubs his palm against his jeans to wipe off the stickiness that has formed.

“Why are we holding hands so early, anyway?” you ask. “I know we’re telling the guys we’re ‘dating’ today, but they’re not even here yet.” 

Hyunjin blinks at you, takes your hand again, and entwines your fingers. “Because we have to make it look believable from a distance.” 

You try not to laugh. “You think they’ll even notice if we’re holding hands?”

He shrugs, locking eyes with the student worker that’s staring in your general direction. He attempts to follow their gaze. It seems like they’re looking at his and your hands. They could also just be waiting for the microwave oven to ding so they can serve someone their bagel. You never know, though.

“I mean,” he gestures to the cafe worker, “if that person notices, then our friends probably will.”

You raise an eyebrow. “I don’t think that person cares.”

“For Hyunjin?” another cafe worker calls.

With your hand still in his, Hyunjin gently pulls you with him to pick up a freshly-made sandwich for you, and bagel for him. He mumbles a ‘thank you’ before grabbing some napkins and heading for the seating area, scooting past students to the table for four he set his backpack on to call dibs. When the college cafe is always packed for lunch, claiming a table was more than necessary.

Hyunjin presses a finger to his chin as he thinks of where to sit, which chair will allow him optimal coupley vibes. After a moment of contemplation, he chooses one of the seats right by the window.

This prompts you to move to the one opposite of him. But before you can sit down, Hyunjin reaches across the table to grab your wrist.

“No! Sit on this side,” he says, gently tugging your arm.

“Why?”

“I told you, we have to make it believable! Remember?”

It’s a perfect plan. If Hyunjin acts as utterly sappy as possible, his and your friends will surely fall for it. What better way to scream ‘lovesick college couple’ than to sit on the same side of the table together? 

Also, how do you hold hands with someone who’s sitting across from you? Spoiler: you don’t.

But for now, you both eat. You plop down on the chair next to Hyunjin, albeit begrudgingly at first, and you end up finishing your sandwich fairly quickly. Hyunjin, however, takes his time. Not because he’s not hungry—he’s starving. But having half a bagel to work his way through is good in case things get awkward later on.

See? Perfect.

Soon enough, Hyunjin catches two familiar heads enter the cafe. He reaches for your hand under the table, lacing his fingers with yours when you take his hand with a sigh. He even considers subtly scooting his chair over to be even closer to you. Something in the dark crevices of his mind keeps begging him to do it. He’s not even sure why, but he scolds at that voice to wait a moment.

His eyes carefully follow Changbin and Jisung as they get out of line. They both wave at him, and he awkwardly waves back before they turn to each other.

After what feels like an eternity, Changbin steps up to the counter to grab two bagels. Then he follows Jisung to your table.

“What’s up, sweetcheeks?” Jisung says.

Hyunjin glances at you and when you look back, you make an expression as if to tell him ‘go on then’. Hyunjin however, decides against that, turning his attention back to the two boys sitting across from them. 

Changbin’s already stuck half of the bagel in his mouth to the point he’s struggling to chew. It’s disgusting, but for some reason it keeps Hyunjin in a trance. When that trance is broken by you swiftly jabbing him in the rib, he winces, glares at you, and looks back over the table. 

“About that,” Hyunjin laughs awkwardly. If he wasn’t already holding your hand, he would have gone for it to try and calm his nerves. 

“What is it?” Jisung asks, ripping a piece of his bagel off and chucking it into his mouth. “You two finally shacking up?” 

Hyunjin sits there stunned, only listening as you groan in disgust. 

“What is wrong with you?” you say.

Jisung smiles and sends a wink to you before leaning back in his seat. “It’s just my talent, baby.” 

Hyunjin keeps his eyes locked on his bag. This is fake, he repeats in his mind after the word ‘baby’ is uttered from Jisung’s lips. Why does it bother him so much? It shouldn’t bother him—it never has before. This isn’t real. It’s just a simple word Jisung has used to refer to literally everyone in your friend group. Hyunjin’s heard worse come from the boy’s mouth. ‘Sweetcheeks’, ‘’bubby wubby’, schmoopy poopy poo’... all Jisung said this time was ‘baby.’

This is fake.

Hyunjin feels you squeeze his hand. He squeezes it back as he finally looks up. You’re looking at him with your eyebrows furrowed, silently asking him what’s wrong.

This isn’t real…

Now his heart burns. He decides to blame it on too much cream cheese on his bagel. 

“What did you want to tell us?” Changbin tries to say as he gulps down his bagel before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. 

Hyunjin glances over at you, and then back to his friends. He raises your enjoined hands. 

“So… we’re dating!” 

Changbin nearly chokes on his bagel at Hyunjin’s words. He looks up slowly, following your and Hyunjin’s arms up to where your hands meet, and he nods once. “Oh. Well, damn.”

Jisung, on the other hand, takes a moment longer to process the news. But when he does, his jaw slowly drops and he takes in a sharp breath. “Oh. My. GO—”

“Yah, shut up!” Hyunjin leans over across the table to slap a hand over Jisung’s mouth.

“…God,” the younger boy finishes his sentence quietly, his voice muffled.

Hyunjin maintains his stare at the younger boy as he slowly begins to pull back. No more screaming, he begs. He’s had enough of it for the rest of the year.

A tension hangs in the air around the four of them. Changbin goes back to carelessly munching on his bagel, and Jisung is gazing at Hyunjin and you, his very fake girlfriend, with an almost-maniacal smile.

“Soooo…” Jisung starts after a minute. Hyunjin can literally feel him gleefully kicking his legs under the table. “Who confessed first?”

Hyunjin pales at the question. He forgot to go over a cover story with you.

Luckily, before he can struggle to give an answer, Changbin swoops in and unknowingly buys him some time.

“Why are you the one who’s happy?” he questions. “I’m the one who won the bet!”

Hyunjin’s eyes widen. “You guys bet on us?!”

“We all did,” Changbin says. “Now Jisung owes half our group ten dollars each.”

“Wait, but we still don’t know who confessed first!” Jisung says.

“Why is that important?” Hyunjin says.

“‘Cause it was part of the bet, too!” 

Hyunjin stills again and looks at you helplessly. He squeezes your hand as if to signal that he needs you to come up with something, and fast. Something about how he had the most magical confession to end all confessions during the first snow that didn’t even happen yet this year.

“I-It was me,” you finally say.

Hyunjin has to stop himself from looking at you in surprise.

Jisung gasps loudly again. He’s so wholly entranced, Hyunjin doesn’t know how lucky he should consider himself for it. “Really?” 

Hyunjin watches as you clear your throat before nodding. You smile in a way that he swears he’s never seen before. You tilt your head and break your eye contact with Jisung to look over at him, then you look back at Jisung. 

“You expect him to confess?” You giggle lightly, gesturing to Hyunjin. “All he talks about is how he wants someone to confess to him.”

The two boys across from them are just nodding in agreement. That is true, Hyunjin thinks. He’s probably been talking about that since he started college, maybe even before. He can’t really describe the feelings that come from somebody confessing their feelings to you. 

“And…” you continue, “after the failed confession with Jisoo, I realised I should take it as a sign to confess.” 

You’re smiling to yourself as you shrug your shoulders, keeping your eyes down on the table. Hyunjin has never seen you act—and act this well. Jisung and Changbin are totally hooked, nodding along to everything you’re saying. They’re like two little children listening to a bedtime story doing everything they can to stay awake. You’ve got them wrapped around your pinky finger.

Hyunjin’s gaze focuses on your hand in his. He brings them to his lap and begins to play with your fingers, letting your words between the boys fade into the background. His mind is still lingering around the thoughts of Jisoo and the failed confession. 

He still isn’t completely sure what happened there. Why his crush, whom he was sure he was in love with, faded so quickly and so suddenly. He never thought falling out of like—or love—with someone could be that easy… but if he thought about it too much, he’d probably worry about the possibility of love. He decides that’s not a thought for now. 

“Woah,” Jisung says, his mouth hanging open. “That’s crazy.”

“That means you owe us another five dollars, genius,” Changbin says.

Jisung quickly turns to Changbin. “Let me grieve for my wallet first!” Hyunjin watches as Jisung rests his head in his hands in despair. 

“Why would you even bet on Hyunjin confessing first?” You can’t help but laugh. “You set yourself up for failure.” 

“Because maybe I had faith in him!!” Jisung exclaims, looking up at you. “I thought he’d have it in him!”

You glance at Hyunjin, smile sheepishly, and look back at the two boys that sit across the table from you.

“Well you should have known him better.”

“Ooookay,” Hyunjin says, suddenly moving to stand. “We, um, we gotta get going.” He turns to you, hoping you get the message. “Right, Y/N?”

You nod quickly and stand up too. “Yeah, we were gonna have a study date together,” you say as you gather your things.

“Okay, have fun,” Changbin says coolly.

“But we were just getting started!” Jisung counters.

Hyunjin lets out a sigh. “We’ll tell you guys everything tomorrow, okay?”

Jisung’s eyes narrow and he raises an eyebrow. The way he’s staring Hyunjin down is making him want to shrink up and hide. 

After a moment of awkwardness on Hyunjin’s part, Jisung opens his mouth to speak. 

“Tell us everything?” 

“Define ‘everything’, Ji,” you respond before Hyunjin has the chance to. 

“Everything means everything,” Jisung drawls out. “Like, come on guys, give us the details! The nitty gritty of it all!” He’s now leaning over the table as he pleads. “I just wanna know all about my two best friends’ relationship! Is that so weird?!” 

You share a look with Hyunjin. You’re giggling, rolling your eyes as you look back over at the boy. “Find your own girlfriend, Ji, don’t live through our relationship.” 

Jisung huffs, falling back into his chair with his arms crossed. “You guys are no fun.”

“We’ll see you tomorrow,” you say, and you both wave at the two boys. Changbin happily responds and Jisung, still grumpy, begrudgingly waves back. 

Luckily, this seems to be enough for you and Hyunjin to leave. Hyunjin swings your hands lightly, fingers still entwined, as the cafe door shuts behind you with a small squeak. 

There is no study date. There wasn’t really any regular ‘date’ planned—not unless the confessing? lying? to your friends counts. 

Regardless, you and Hyunjin look at each other and silently agree. You both deserve a sweet treat after that.

four.

– november 17th.

You wouldn’t dare tell Hyunjin, but once he told you about his “fantastical Friday date idea” earlier this afternoon, you’ve been feeling like a bottle of Coke about to explode.

Sure, he’s been a little crazy about hitting all the stereotypical Christmas romance activities, but this is ice skating! It’s fun and it’s romantic enough to scratch Hyunjin’s itch, but not too romantic. You’re only fake-boyfriend and fake-girlfriend, after all.

“Y/N?”

Hyunjin waves a hand in front of your face, bringing you out of your daze. You must have been staring at the fake icicles for too long.

“Huh? Yeah?” you say, blinking a few times.

He holds up two pairs of rental ice skates, one for you and one for him. “I already paid, let’s go put these on.”

You wander over to the benches where other skaters are lacing up. They make it look so effortless, but you and Hyunjin keep getting your fingers tangled in the long laces. And every time you attempt to stand up, your ankles feel so wobbly that you have to sit back down and tighten them. 

Eventually, your skates feel secure enough that you don’t wobble too much when you do make it to your feet. You look over at Hyunjin, who doesn’t look like he’s faring any better than you. 

“Do you think you can get up?” you ask. You’re starting to figure out how to balance, but you hold on to the edge of a table just in case.

“Yeah,” Hyunjin hums confidently. However, the deer-in-headlights look on his face as he slowly lifts his bum off the bench says otherwise. You’d laugh at him more than you already are if you didn’t do the same.

“Are you sure you can get up?”

“Totally!”

As if to prove you wrong, Hyunjin slowly begins to stand up. When he’s upright, he lifts one hand off the bench, then the other. Then he slowly shuffles one foot after the other in the direction of the rink, until he loses balance and nearly falls into the splits.

You try not to snort at his cry that echoes throughout the rink. Of course, you do the same as you try to follow him and your dear best friend returns the favour.

“HAH! Karma!” Hyunjin points and laughs at you before slipping and falling on his back.

“Hyunjin!” you exclaim, shuffling over to help him up.

“I’m fine!” he tries to reassure you once he’s upright again. He reaches for your hand as he waddles his way to the rink, this time successfully, and with you in tow.

You let out the breath you’re holding once your other hand finds the edge of the wall. Maybe you came into the rink too cocky, or maybe the old couple doing laps around you and Hyunjin made this look easy.

After you recenter yourself—well, after trying to—you look at Hyunjin, who has a death grip on your hand. “Are you okay?”

“Yep!” The boy smiles. “Very fine!” He slowly lets go of your hand, attempting to get away from the wall. He’s successful for a few seconds, then he finds himself wobbling again and he quickly grabs onto your arm.

Giggling, you try to shake him off. “Hyun, you’re gonna make me fall, too!”

He doesn’t respond for a beat. When you turn to look back at him, his legs are shaking, but he’s got a stupid smirk plastered on his face. Even when he’s visibly struggling, of course he has to do this.

“Oh, am I?”

You roll your eyes. “Oh, fuck off.”

You try to free your hand again. Somehow, his grip gets even tighter, and he manages to slide his hand down your arm and thread his fingers with yours.

“You’re gonna be wishing you’re holding my hand soon enough,” Hyunjin muses.

“Whatever you say, fake boyfriend,” you sigh sarcastically.

The old couple passes you by again; they seem to be out-skating every couple on the ice by this point. As they go in circles together, they show off their best disco moves as if they were on roller skates instead. The old man, as he swings past you two a second time, makes a heart with his hands behind the old woman, pumping it in the air to the beat of “Mistletoe” by Justin Bieber as his wife continues to dance.

You don’t look back at Hyunjin, but you can imagine the stars in his eyes as he watches them. Instead, you pay attention to the way they move their feet. Push out with your right foot, then with your left. Right, left, right, left. With Hyunjin still gripping on tightly to your hand, you attempt to copy it.

“H-Hey!” Hyunjin squeaks from behind you. “What are you doing?!”

“Trying to get off the wall!” you say. You turn your head to look at him briefly. “You want to be a cute fake couple like those two,” you gesture to the old couple, “right?”

He stumbles over a ‘maybe’, but there’s no denying the way he wistfully watches the old man carefully spin the old woman.

You smile fondly. “Then come on. Watch how they move and try to do the same.”

It takes several laps and several more minutes to get into a rhythm. You can’t say that you’re gliding across the ice, but you’re holding your own without clinging to the wall. Barely. Hyunjin, on the other hand, suddenly seems like a natural. His graceful strides make you question if he was feigning clumsiness half an hour ago, or if he was just that good.

You try to catch up to him as you both make a turn and he looks back to check on you. He smiles at you and holds up a peace sign, flashing you a wink—and you freeze. You were already using all your brainpower to remember to keep moving your feet, and just like that, you forget everything you’re doing.

By the time you snap out of your daze, you’re about to crash into Hyunjin. You yelp, flailing as you try to brake. Hyunjin tries to catch you before you fall flat on your face, but you end up pulling him down with you and falling backwards.

Then you realise the position you’re both in. You’re on your back, and Hyunjin is half on top of you. You’re trying to catch your breath, but the way he tries to prop himself up with his elbows somehow sucks the air out of your lungs all over again.

“Hyun, slow down,” you say as he almost slips again. You catch his arms in yours and lose your breath for a third time. “One foot at a time, okay?”

You swear Hyunjin spaces out as you speak—there’s a gleam in his eyes you can’t quite place. But the gleam goes away just as quickly as it came, and he begins to regain his balance enough to stand up.

He holds out his hands for you and you grab on. He then slowly pulls, allowing you to find a way to get up with a pair of blades on your feet.

When you’re nearly upright, you take a wrong step and feel yourself flying backwards. You flail your arms as you try to prepare to land, but you feel Hyunjin’s arm wrap around your waist and pull you in just in time.

For a second, you feel like you’re in a cheesy Disney movie. The moment happened so fast, but feels so slow in hindsight. Now you’re here, your jaw dropped open in surprise, as your hands find their way to Hyunjin’s shoulders. Is this how Cinderella or something felt—

Wait, what the fuck?

“Are you okay?” Hyunjin says. His eyes search yours for any sign of hurt.

You take a beat to respond, nodding rapidly. “Y-Yeah, I’m okay.”

Hyunjin nods once. “Oookay. Do you wanna keep going?”

Right there, you contemplate just packing up and going back to your dorm. Even though the only one staring at you is Hyunjin, it feels like a thousand pairs of eyes are boring into your soul.

However, something in your heart, or maybe your brain, begs you to stay. So you nod.

five.

– november 20th.

Hyunjin stands and leans against the stairrail by the front of the university library. He’s too busy fiddling with his perfectly curated Christmas playlist, fall in love with me (this christmas), to even notice you pull up in your car. So when you honk the horn, he yelps and falls on his butt, then down a couple stairs, before sending daggers your way.

He watches as your passenger side window rolls down slowly and your shit-eating grin becomes clear from behind it. 

“You ready to go?” you ask.

Hyunjin, still glaring at you, slowly nods his head in response. 

“Then get off your ass!” you say. “You’re the one that wanted to go to this!”

He gets up with a dramatic huff and drags himself to the passenger seat of the car. The second he hops in, he leans forward and grabs your aux cord, plugging it into his phone and unlocks his phone, once again showing the Christmas playlist.

Meanwhile, you watch him in amusement. “You want aux?”

Hyunjin rolls his eyes at your sarcasm. But he answers regardless, too excited about the idea of a Christmas tree farm date. Another thing from his bucket list of Christmas dates to check off.

“Of course I want aux!” 

Clicking shuffle, he cheers to himself when the mystical violin intro of “Christmas Tree Farm" by Taylor Swift begins to play. Clicking twice to make the song repeat, he locks his phone before placing it in one of the free cup holders. 

“This is perfect!” He claps to himself, swaying the best he can to the music as he fastens his seat belt. “🎶And I’m somewhere else… just like magic… 🎶”  he sings along.

He looks over at you and you’re watching him again. This time he can’t tell if it’s in amusement or bafflement. “Can we go now?” 

Hyunjin nods, leaning back into his seat with a content smile. “You could’ve started when I got into the car.”

He lets his gaze linger on you for a second. When you look at him, he quickly looks away. Maybe he’s too impatient, but when he looks back at you a moment later to see if you have finally turned your focus to the road in front of you, you’re still staring right at him.

His cheeks begin to feel warm. Your gaze is practically peering into his soul, and you have your heater on full blast—it feels like a sauna in here. It’s not his fault you get cold so easily. It’s also not his fault a little voice in his head is telling him to use it as an excuse to be near you…

No. Bad Hyunjin.

He quickly shoves the thought away into a neat little box, something future Hyunjin will have to deal with. Right now, all present-day Hyunjin cares about is Miss Swift playing through the speakers.

And so he starts humming, which soon turns to quiet singing. Soon enough, the quiet singing soon turns into full-blown yelling of the lyrics. He’s here for the vibe, and the vibe is immaculate. 

“🎶AND YOU WOULD BE THERE TOOOO~!!🎶”

Good Hyunjin!

“Hyun, shut up! I can’t see the road!” you shout, your voice carrying over the music.

Hyunjin throws his head back in feigned agony. “Okayyy, okay!” he groans before bringing it down to quiet singing for the rest of the song.

When the music fades out, it’s silent for a moment. Hyunjin feels his cheeks hurt from how much he’s smiling. When it starts again, he bounces in his seat.

“Again?” you question, bringing his attention back to you. “Can’t we go to the next song?” 

He gasps and shakes his head. “Nuh-uh! It’s for the vibe, Y/N!” He nods slowly to emphasise his point. “The vibe!” 

You nod, your face full of confusion. “And the vibe is…?”

“That we’re literally going to a Christmas tree farm! Do you know how exciting that is?!” Hyunjin turns right to you as you pull up to a stop sign. He almost gets lost in your eyes when you look back at him. “It’s one of the key Christmas dates in the movies! And there’s a whole song about it!” He lets himself ramble on for a minute, trying not to get too lost in his fantasies. Despite his efforts, he soon feels himself about to spiral…

Then you look away.

Hyunjin lets out a sigh as he glances over at you. You’re focused on the road, your eyes flickering around as you wait for a good time to merge lanes. He knows that you only looked away to continue driving, but deep down, he fears that he pushed you away with his babbling.

He just looks down at his lap before he speaks, his voice trembling slightly. “Look, I… I know you hate Christmas, but—” 

“I don’t hate Christmas…” 

Hyunjin is surprised he can hear you with how quietly you’re talking.

“I…” You sigh. “I just don’t understand why you’re so obsessed with this ‘Christmas romance’ thing. Like, what makes it more special than a romance-romance?” 

“Because…” He takes a breath before releasing it. “Christmas is magical.” 

The song ends. He reaches for his phone and his finger hovers over the pause button.

“Hyunnie, you don’t need to stop the—”

He stops the music, ignoring the sigh you let out when you do.

“It’s just…” he starts, then trails off. “I…”

A beat of silence.

“You…?”

Hyunjin looks at you, trying to read your reaction. It’s hard to tell if your furrowed brow is from concentration or confusion.

“Like…” he starts again, then he sighs.

How would he even begin to explain that the warm, fuzzy feeling he gets from Christmas, is one he’s only ever experienced secondhand? How is he supposed to tell you that he hopelessly projects onto an array of chiselled brunet men in cheesy holiday movies without sounding insane? That he dreams of taking walks in the snow and under the Christmas lights and in Christmas tree farms with someone, like all the male leads on the Hallmark channel seem to do? Will it seem naive? Or childish?

At the same time, though, if all these ordinary guys can find love without even trying… who’s to say he can’t, too?

“It’s… like… why wouldn’t you want that, you know?”

But of course, Hyunjin’s feelings are so grand that he can’t find the words to explain it.

You let out a sigh again, a more sympathetic one this time. “I… I guess? I…”

Hyunjin watches you carefully as you find your words. He realises, a few moments later, that he’s holding his breath. Why is he holding his breath? It’s as if this is a big deal. But it’s not. It’s just you.

You shrug, and something in him twists. “I– I don’t know. I just… I can’t see it for myself.”

A thick silence hangs in the air. It seems to taunt Hyunjin, pointing and laughing at him like the playground bully for even daring to open his mouth. He bites his tongue for another moment or two, thinking of a way to lessen the tension. But after that, he can’t bear the silence anymore. 

The song begins again. Maybe he was right to feel like a child.

…

By the time you park, the mood inside the car is much colder than the weather outside it. Hyunjin shuts the door behind him and lets it slam, even though he knows you’ll be annoyed about it. He shoves his hands inside his jacket pockets and hides himself the best he can in the collar of his coat. 

In a moment, you’re next to him. Your own hands in your pockets as you silently glaze over the mass of trees that seem to go on for miles. You both stand there for an uncertain amount of time, just utterly blown away by the amount of Christmas trees.

In the corner of his eye, Hyunjin notices you hold out your hand in front of him and leave it there. He stares at it wordlessly, and after a moment or two of nothing, you make grabby hand motions at him like a small child.

“What?” he questions quietly. When he finally looks over at you, you’re too busy staring at the lights beyond the entrance to look back.

“Just come on. We’ve got a date to enjoy…” You pause and take a breath.  “Boyfriend.”

A breath hitches in the back of his throat. You merely mumbled that last word, but Hyunjin heard it loud and clear. You begin to bring your hand closer to his again, motioning silently for him to take it, and he mentally curses at himself for how quickly his lips twitch up into a small smile.

Slowly, he reaches over and takes your hand in his, linking your fingers together. He uses every fibre of his being not to beam like an idiot.

“Where do we start?” you say, not really aiming the question at anyone.

Hyunjin shrugs. “I mean, we can start with the Christmas trees…”

His comment earns a chuckle from you, then a light punch to the arm. It’s a pity chuckle, but he’ll take what he can get. “No shit.”

Chuckling too, he gently tugs at your hand. “Come on, the Christmas tree farm awaits.”

Hyunjin squeezes your hand lightly as he leads you to the counter. He slips a five-dollar bill in the donation jar before walking in the farm with you. The golden lights of the welcome arch surround him with warmth, just like the feeling of your hand in his, as he makes a beeline for the rows of Christmas trees.

To Hyunjin, you seem content with him guiding you around all of the large Christmas trees, even when he takes longer than necessary to take in the waft of fresh pine coming from a few of them. He tries to hold back at first, but eventually he stops at a tree and comments on how much prettier it would look with a string of colourful lights and candy canes lining its needles. Then you two stop at the next tree, and he babbles about how fun it would be to have a real tree one year.

He’s sure he has stars in his eyes much brighter than the one he’d put on top of a real Christmas tree. And he’s lucky that it’s just you with him and you allow him to ramble on, nodding along as he does so. Every once in a while, he looks at you for your reaction to something he said, and he catches the small smile on your face. Whether it’s at him or the children who chase each other through the gaps between the trees, he doesn’t care. He’s just happy that you’re happy, and indulging in his silly fantasies.

There’s a relaxing aura about being at a Christmas tree farm that Hyunjin never expected. Well, maybe he should’ve expected this from the movies he’s watched, but experiencing the warm atmosphere himself is different than seeing it on a screen. The trees around you two seem to lift the tension from the car off your shoulders. He feels lighter, more at peace. And, more importantly, so do you.

The sun has dipped below the horizon, making way for strings of lights towards the centre of the farm. Lines of a purple hue dip upward to a point that stands taller than all the pine trees that seem to go on for miles. Maybe there’s something there that Hyunjin missed.

The light glow catches your attention, too, and you start walking closer to it, keeping a hold on his hand. You two weave through the rows of Christmas trees until you happen to pass the last row, and you find a spectacle of sparkling lights. Lines of red and white make a tent shape and meet the purple lights at the top. Beneath them, two reindeer made of wire and golden lights greet you. They almost look like they’re cuddling under the tent of red and white—something about it makes Hyunjin’s heart sing.

“Wow…” he whispers to himself.

And somehow, without realising it, words leave your lips softly. Hyunjin is so in awe of the lights, he barely notices.  “🎶Under the mistletoe…🎶”

He almost doesn’t feel your head lightly rest against his shoulder. The reindeer… why is it reminding him of you two?

“🎶Watching the fire glow…🎶”

The faint melody makes Hyunjin’s ear perk up, causing him to turn and gaze at you. You’re too immersed in the trees and the occasional giggling child running through to even notice you’re quietly singing “Christmas Tree Farm'' to yourself. 

It makes Hyunjin’s heart race just like it did back in the car. However, now, he doesn’t have the car heaters to blame his red cheeks on. He’s thankful you're too absorbed in your own little world to even notice anything going on around you. 

“🎶And telling me, ‘I love you’ …🎶”

It’s like whatever is above is blessing him, letting him in on a little secret, in the form of light snowdrops falling from the sky. They land so delicately on your hair and shoulders and there’s a little flicker in your eyes that Hyunjin can’t ignore.

Never once in his life did he think he would see the first snow with someone. But now that he is, the hopeless romantic in him is screaming at him what he should have known all along.

“🎶Just being in your arms…🎶”

There is no big realisation. There is no big freak-out. There’s nothing to unpack or be scared about when his heart swells just that little bit more than usual. As he’s looking at you—still too oblivious to notice—everything just makes sense. There is no need for perfect, there is no need for the unattainable. 

All he needs is you.

“🎶Takes me back to that little farm…🎶”

He doesn’t need to second guess himself, or try to convince himself of anything. He just knows. All the stories he was told by his parents, the ones he watched in the movies, every little fairytale that he’s held onto his whole life is true.

Maybe it’s not childish, and maybe he didn’t need to chase his fairytale moment at all.

He already has it.

“🎶Where every wish comes true…🎶” 

As you continue to mumble the lyrics to yourself, Hyunjin squeezes your hand, finally bringing your attention back to him. 

“Thank you for being here with me.” He smiles sweetly.

Your returning smile makes his heart do laps. “No, thank you.” 

He squeezes your hand again. You squeeze his back.

six.

– november 23rd.

It’s only when the mass of people leaving your class dissipates that you notice Hyunjin standing out in the hallway waiting for you. He’s leaning up against the wall, focused on his phone. When he finally looks up and sees you, his smile grows and he pockets his phone, holding a hand out to you.

You raise your eyebrow and glance at his hand for a second too long before he makes grabby hands at you. A giggle escapes your lips. “Why do you want to hold my hand so badly?” You take his hand before he can answer.

“Because my dearest and best girlfriend in the world, it’s time for another date,” he muses, skipping slightly and rocking your entwined hands in a more exaggerated fashion. 

Humming and nodding your head, you lean into him slightly. “What are we going to do?”

He shrugs. “I was thinking we go to the park close to campus? Since the snow has settled and everything, we can just walk around for a couple hours until I have to go to class.”

It’s then that you register that Hyunjin called you his girlfriend. Not his fake girlfriend, just his girlfriend. You don’t do anything to correct him right now.

Instead, you look up at him, a pout gracing your lips. “But I was going to studyyyy.”

Hyunjin just shoots you a doubtful look back. “Oh, really?”

“Uh-huh!” you whine. The professor of the class you just got out of kept hinting at a pop quiz next session—considering that you failed the last pop quiz, you really didn’t want to fail a second one.

Nodding slowly, Hyunjin still looks sceptical. “Riiiight, okay.”

“I’m serious! We’re graduating soon, I can’t flunk out now!”

Hyunjin nods again. “Okaaaay, but you have…” he counts with his fingers on his free hand, “five days until then!” He stops in the middle of the walkway, stepping in front of you and taking not one, but both your hands in his. “Come onnnn, please? It’s just one day! And it snowed! It’s the perfect day to not study!”

When you respond with a blank stare, it seems like Hyunjin is forced to take drastic measures. So he tries one more very convincing line. “I’ll make you a hot chocolate when we get home! I know how much you love hot chocolate. Pleeeease?”

Something about the way his bottom lip juts out and his eyes twinkle with hope makes you want to cup his cheeks in your hands and… punch him. Yes, exactly, punch him right in the face. Hit him where it hurts.

But alas, despite your growing urge to lovingly ki…ck him off the fifth floor of the university library, you know even that won’t stop him begging you to ditch studying. So you sigh.

“Make it with milk, not water; whipped cream and chocolate syrup on top. Don’t forget the marshmallows.” That quiz will have to wait another day, but seeing the wave of happiness and relief wash over Hyunjin’s face right before he crushes you in a hug makes it worth it.

“Deal!”

…

The park is less crowded than you thought it would be. In your experience as a college student, you thought more of you would use the snow as a way to escape the stress of upcoming deadlines. Yes, you had to be bribed with hot chocolate to be here, but still. If you know, you know.

Regardless, you’re not complaining that you and Hyunjin basically have the whole park to yourselves.

“We should sit under there,” Hyunjin says, pointing to a cedar tree. Never mind the blanket of snow covering its needles that could fall on your heads.

You look up at him, your face sour. “Is that really a good idea?”

“Oh… right,” he says sheepishly, then points to a bench several feet away from it. “How about there?”

You nod and let him drag you there, ignoring the pathways and cutting through the grass. You take it as an excuse to hear the snow crunch underneath your shoes.

As you both approach the bench, Hyunjin slowly lets go of your hand to scurry ahead of you and wipe the thin layer of snow from its surface. It earns a cry from him at how cold it is, causing you to shake your head fondly. 

“Why not get your gloves out?” you ask.

“I forgot I had them!” He plops down on the bench with a frown and pats the spot next to him. “Sit.”

You take a seat, pulling your backpack off your shoulders and onto your lap. Reaching in the front pocket, you blindly search for his and your gloves. When your fingers graze the soft fabric, you pull both pairs out and hand Hyunjin’s pair to him.

“Thank you,” he mumbles, hurrying to slip his gloves on his hands. Once you do the same, he holds his hand out to you.

You furrow your brow at him. “We just held hands earlier?”

Hyunjin pouts. “But my hands are cold.”

“Is that not what the gloves are for?”

“Y/N…” he pulls out the bottom lip and puppy dog eyes again. Oh no…

Your eyes guiltily flicker between his outstretched hand and his face. His stupid, pouty face that is making your heart feel things you don’t want to think about. God..

“It’s coooold,” Hyunjin whines. “And it’s a coupley thing to snuggle when it’s cold, right?”

Fake couple. But you don’t correct him out loud.

“Okay, okay,” you huff, taking his hand in yours. He smiles and entwines your fingers together.

You and Hyunjin sit in silence for a while hand-in-hand as you take in the serenity. Sounds of children giggling faintly ring from the other side of the small park, and the blanket of powdery snow in front of you is still fresh and untouched. You feel so at peace here, you don’t notice you’re scooting closer to Hyunjin.

Wait. You’re scooting closer to Hyunjin. And you’re leaning your head on his shoulder.

It’s because it’s cold. Yeah. Your bum is freezing and you could use the body heat of a fellow human. It’s like how penguins huddle for warmth in the winter, except you’re not in Antarctica; you’re in a quaint little park on a snowy day with your best friend—fake boyfriend.

And as a good fake boyfriend does, Hyunjin lets go of your hand in response and slips his arm around your shoulders. You feel his cheek gently rest on top of your head. You instinctively wrap an arm around his waist—instinctively? How did you know to do that? What are you doing?

Right, you’re snuggling. Snuggling like any ordinary couple would do. It doesn’t matter if you’re a fake couple; this is how you fake it till you make it, as they say. So you just stay like this for a few minutes. Hyunjin’s making for a great cuddler, anyway. Is he worried about not being as good as the guys in whatever movies he watches? He shouldn’t. Because he’s gentle and warm and sweet and now he’s kissing the top of your head.

Wait, what are you doing?

Your eyes fly wide open. You don’t move, but suddenly Hyunjin’s too warm and you feel suffocated in his arms. Now, all you can think of is any excuse to get up.

As if the universe was answering your prayers, a small tennis ball rolls by your feet. You look at the light green ball, then the dog leaping through the snow to chase it, then a kid you assume is its owner, far away but visibly out of breath. Letting go of Hyunjin, you bend down to grab the ball, running a few feet away before chucking the ball in the kid’s direction.

After watching the dog dash after the ball for a moment, you feel something cold splat against your back. You gasp in surprise and turn to see a frowning Hyunjin.

“You left me for a dog!” he whines childishly. He tries not to smile, but lets out a giggle at the end of his sentence.

You stare at him with your jaw dropped. “He’s cuter than you!”

He gasps loudly in offence and chucks another snowball at you.

“Who’s cuter now?!”

You scoop up some snow and toss it at his chest. “Still the dog!”

He gets up and runs straight for you. You squeak and run away, looping around the cedar tree close to the bench to try and slow him down. He quickly catches up with you, and you soon feel his arms wrap around you and pull you back. You let out a squeal at the move.

“You thought you could get away with that, huh?!” he says in between giggles. You’re just as giggly.

“Let me go!”

“Not until you say I’m cuter than that dog!”

He looks at you and you look up at him. He’s trying to pout at you, but you’re both laughing too much to take him seriously. But there’s something in his eyes, or maybe in his silly back-hug, that feels different… but you don’t want to think about that right now.

Instead, you smile and poke his cheek with one finger.

“Okay, fine. But only just a little.”

seven.

– december 1st.

Hyunjin feels himself buzzing from excitement as he guides you, hand-in-hand, through the busy streets of downtown. He would never admit it outright, but ever since you came up with the idea of fake Christmas dates, watching the switching on of the Christmas lights was high on his list. He’s dreamt of counting down the seconds until holiday lights illuminate the city, and has watched them alone. Just… not with someone. Not with someone who means as much to him as you do. 

He can’t tell what’s louder: his heart thumping when your hand squeezes his as you both tuck and swerve through the busy crowd, or the crowd itself. After his realisation a few weeks prior,  there’s something new and addicting about how your hand feels in his—like they were pieces of a puzzle, like they were destined to fit each other. He can’t get enough of it.  He wonders if Christmas romance movie characters feel their heart beating as fast as his when he’s around you. And he wonders if it makes your heart race just as much, if there’s even a slight possibility that you look at him the same way he’s grown to look at you. 

A slight tug on his hand pulls him out of his daze for just a moment. He looks back at you, who points excitedly at the giant Christmas tree in the heart of the plaza you two had just walked past. Smiling fondly, he follows you to get a closer look.

Hyunjin stops next to you, looking up at the huge, sparkling tree in front of you. He takes a moment to marvel at the bright lights strung across the expanse of the tree, the tinsel hanging from each branch,  and red and gold ornaments sprinkled throughout. The tree stands at such a great height, Hyunjin can barely see the shining gold star perched atop it. 

As his gaze drifts downward, across the tree again, his eyes fall on you standing by his side. In that moment, under the glittering lights bouncing off the small ornaments, Hyunjin thinks you’ve never looked prettier. You’re looking up at the tree in wonder, twinkles in your eyes as you take in the sights. You’re unaware of the way Hyunjin beholds you like you’re the most precious thing he’s ever seen. All the glowing lights surrounding you go dim in comparison every time you smile. 

To Hyunjin, you’re the sun, and he’s just a star in your orbit, circling around you and living for every moment your warm light shines on him. Without you, his world would be cold and dark, just as it was before you came into his life. 

Eventually, he tears his eyes away from you, focusing once again on the tree. Between the strings of bulbs, he sees flashes of a future he can picture with you: your first kiss, waking up to you in the morning every day, your wedding day and carrying you over the threshold of your home when you’re back from your honeymoon. He can see it all. Three kids, two dogs, and a hamster, family vacations, their friends being honorary uncles. 

Maybe he’s getting ahead of himself, but when he’s with you, he can’t help it. You are his forever and a day. 

Every time he steals a glance at you, you’re in a world of your own. You’re so focused on looking up at the pre-hanging lights that you let him drag you along without much thought. Not that he minds much, himself. The little sparkle in your eyes as you look around in awe is utterly adorable. Not to mention that you’re willingly out with him in matching Christmas sweaters—maybe reluctantly at first, but willingly nonetheless. He never thought he’d get you to agree, but now that you did, the oversized tacky sweater somehow makes you look even cuter than he imagined.  

He can’t decide whether or not to scream to the world about how precious you are, or if he wants to wrap you up in a blanket and keep you all to himself. He thoroughly believes the world deserves to see your brightness, but at the same time, he only wants you to smile at him. He wants to be the reason you smile so wide your cheeks hurt, he wants to be the reason to laugh so hard you fall off your seat. 

Hyunjin’s focus returns to in front of him, a small content smile playing at his lips. Not because of you (mostly), but because he already knows the perfect place to watch the switch on. He’s had this planned for weeks now—another thing he will never admit.

Ever since the announcement of the light switch on came on social media a few weeks back, Hyunjin has been on a special mission. Every weekend since then, he’s sneaked off to the city to find the best spot possible to see the lights in all their glory. (He had told you that he had been helping Changbin with some stuff; whether or not you believed him was another story). Somewhere not too crowded, somewhere not too far away. Something perfect—something you deserve. 

That’s when he discovered a small cafe, its entrance hidden in a small alleyway wedged between two buildings. He was surprised at first that it was open since there were no signs on the street to indicate its existence, apart from the small menu board at the bottom of the metal staircase. 

As he guides you into the alleyway, he hears you hum in confusion. Feeling your hand tense up slightly in his, he stops and turns around. 

You’re looking at him with furrowed eyebrows, concern drawn all over your face. With a light squeeze of his hand, Hyunjin sends you a smile. 

“Do you trust me?” he says barely above a whisper, squeezing your hand once more. 

Hyunjin’s smile widens as you don’t even hesitate to nod your head at him.

“Always.” 

Before you get the chance to speak, you’re already up on the roof of the small coffee shop. It’s surprisingly empty with how busy the streets are down below. It makes Hyunjin wonder why there aren’t more people up there, not that he’s complaining.

Even though you’re both out of the crowd, Hyunjin still doesn’t let go of your hand just yet. He’s too content in the way it feels right now, and he wants to soak up every moment of it, because he doesn’t know when he’ll get the chance to again. He could play the clingy card to buy himself more time—it’s something he’s done before when he was sick, and it’s worked—but it doesn’t feel quite right this time. This was different from his usual antics somehow. It feels natural, it feels right. But at the same time, he wants to jump around and do some somersaults, much like his heart in his chest is.

He quickly hides the way his smile drops when you let go of his hand and runs over to the metal railings, gasping at the better view of the hung-up lights. 

When you turn back to him, it’s like everything has disappeared around him and all he can see is you and your smile. He forgets how to breathe, he feels faint, and he wants nothing more than to wrap you up in his arms and to kiss you all over your pretty face. He can’t do that, of course, but will he do it in his dreams later that night? Probably. Most definitely. 

He almost misses it when you speak to him, your smile growing by the second. 

“This is great Hyun!” You’re bouncing in place. “How did you find this place?” 

He shrugs and looks everywhere except in your eyes to try and calm his heating cheeks. 

“Oh you know, I just stumbled upon it.”

He can’t help himself when you hold your hand out to him. “Let’s watch the lights together.” 

So he takes it, letting your warmth dance around his hand in a mix of comfort and giddiness. He’s sure you haven’t noticed the new effect you’ve had on him, too oblivious to the world around you to know when someone is falling head over heels for you. 

There’s a part of Hyunjin’s brain that tries to remind him of the deal. A reminder that all of these events are not real, just as he wanted. However, Hyunjin decides to push these thoughts down into a little box, lock them up with a lock and key, and bury it in his mind.

The countdown is like a faint blur in his ears, the chanting taking a backseat to the person right in front of him. All he can hear is your soft counting, all he can feel is his pulse racing in his fingertips.

“Five, four, three,” Hyunjin squeezes your hand.  “Two…” You squeeze it back. “One.” 

At the flip of a switch, a blaze of colourful lights brighten up the town. But to Hyunjin, even they don’t compare to the awestruck sparkle in your eyes that sets his heart aflame.

eight.

– december 7th.

Since it’s the week before finals, Hyunjin insisted this past weekend that you two have dates every day this week. One, you suggested to stop the dates so you could study and he said no. That’s an understatement, actually—he practically got on his knees and begged you not to do that. Like, shook-you-by-the-shoulders, one-step-away-from-giving-up-his-americano begged.

It’s funnier now that it’s over, but you’ve never seen him more desperate for anything. Weird. Maybe he ate too many of Felix’s brownies that day.

When Hyunjin arrives at your dorm for your daily date today, the first thing he tells you is, and you quote, “Sit your ass down and wait until I finish setting up.” So, not wanting to deal with his whining today, you do exactly as you’re told for once.

You let yourself sink into your couch as your eyes lazily follow Hyunjin around. He goes in and out of your kitchen, places his laptop on the coffee table in front of you, and opens it. The screen lights up, prompting him to input his password, but instead of doing so, he heads straight back into the kitchen without a word. 

Huffing silently, you lean forward and type in his password: the month and day of both of your birthdays. It takes a second, but when the screen loads into an already-opened, paused, full-screen video of a fireplace, you furrow your brows.

“Hyun? What's this?” you call out to him. 

Almost instantly, you hear him groan in response. Then he appears at the kitchen door and stares at you with his arms crossed. “I told you to sit down.”

“Oops?” You smile at him sheepishly. “I’m a rule-breaker.”

Hyunjin rolls his eyes before disappearing back into the kitchen. “A freak is what you are,” he grumbles.

You gasp. “HEY! I HEARD THAT!”

“THAT’S THE POINT!” he yells back from the kitchen.

Getting up from your seat, you make your way over to the kitchen, shivering slightly from the light chill in the air. You stay at the doorway, not wanting to sacrifice your feet to the cold tiles of your kitchen floor. Your eyes land on Hyunjin’s frame faster than you’d like to admit, and he’s standing over two mugs as he places  tiny marshmallows into each of them. 

“I thought I said sit down,” he says, not looking in your direction. You don’t want to know how he knows you’re there; you didn’t even move from the doorway. Maybe he saw you staring, maybe he just knows you that well… you hope it’s the second one.

“I couldn’t sit still,” you huff, bringing your arms across your chest. 

He picks up the two mugs, takes a few steps towards you, and gestures to them with his head. 

“Take these,” Hyunjin says as he hands them over. “Go sit back down, I’ll get some blankets.” 

“M’kay.” Your voice comes out higher than usual. Praying he doesn’t notice, you quickly cover it up with a cough. “I mean, yep. Mhm.”

You hold your breath as you shuffle back over to the couch, exhaling deeply as you place the two mugs on the coffee table next to Hyunjin’s laptop. It’s when you sit down that you notice the whipped cream and drizzle of chocolate syrup he added to top both of your drinks. As your gaze follows the steam lightly swirling out of the mugs, you can’t help but smile. He remembered your favourite.

Not even a minute later, he’s back, your duvet in his arms. Before you can ask why, he throws it down on top of you. 

“ACK!” you shriek. “I thought—” you attempt to speak as you wrestle your way out the duvet, “you were getting blankets!” 

“I got a blanket, didn’t I?” 

“But why the big one?!”

You feel the couch dip as Hyunjin sits down beside you. He helps free you from the duvet before he straightens it out, waving it once and letting it drape down across your laps. 

“So we can do this.” 

You just keep your eyes down on the duvet for a moment. It’s more than enough to cover both your and his legs, which you guess a throw blanket wouldn’t have been able to accomplish.

When you finally look up, though, Hyunjin is smiling at you tenderly. You catch yourself holding your breath again as his soft gaze finds yours. For a second, the brown hue in his eyes reminds you of the chocolate drizzle in your hot chocolate—comforting, sweet—maybe too sweet for some, but just the right amount for you. Has the brown in his eyes always sparkled like it is now?

Wait… what are you doing?

“Oh, u-um…” You blink a few times to try to bring yourself back down to earth. “Then this works, thanks, Hyun.” You take a mug from Hyunjin when he hands one over to you. “So what exactly are we doing?”

“We’re going to cuddle and drink hot cocoa by the fireplace,” Hyunjin hums, nodding proudly before taking a long sip of his drink.

You take a second to process his words, then you glance at Hyunjin’s laptop screen. “But that’s YouTube?” 

He turns to look at you and blinks. If you could reverse time, this would be the perfect time to do it. 

“Well, I know that, but we don’t have a fireplace.” He sighs. “This is the best we got.” 

He leans over, clicks ‘play’ on the video, and the delicate crackling of fire emanating from his laptop begins to fill the room. Maybe it’s not a real fireplace, but the heat you’re feeling from him sitting so close and the comforting sounds make you feel plenty warm.

Hyunjin settles back into his spot on the couch, picking up his mug with one hand. You lift up your mug, too, and softly clink it with his, taking a sip together as well. You’re so engrossed in the sweet, creamy drink melting in your mouth, that you don’t notice Hyunjin has casually slipped his arm around your shoulders until another few sips later. You lean your head against him and do nothing to shake his arm off, even though a tiny part of your brain screams at you to make it stop.

You’ve lost track of how much time has passed, but when the hot chocolates are finished, the crackling has faded into the background and the sound of Hyunjin’s faint snoring fills your ears. It’s enough time and space to let your brain wander. Iit wanders to the way Hyunjin’s cologne is a constant in your life, the way you always know where he is and where he’s been. It wanders to how every piece of clothing you own, and your whole life, is in some way infused with the essence of Hyunjin. 

Moving your head ever-so-slightly so you don’t wake him, you let your eyes gaze at the blond-headed boy for a moment too long. You can’t understand why he tries so hard to chase after perfection, when that’s already what he is. The way his eyelashes lay across his cheeks and the way his nose scrunches up at something in his dream—you can’t help but smile at the boy who has you wrapped up in his arms. 

It made you wonder when the feeling of his arms around you began to feel different. Hyunjin is Hyunjin, your best friend and nothing more than that. This fake dating thing is just that—fake. It’s a made-up relationship, a scheme to give Hyunjin what he’s always wanted: a college Christmas romance. One that started to feel a little too real to you.

There shouldn’t be feelings involved when it comes to fake dating. Everyone knows that. You can count all the romcoms you’ve ever seen on only one hand, but even you know that rule. But the way Hyunjin hugs you tighter in his sleep causes not only your heart, but your head to race as well. You’re suddenly too warm, the laptop is too loud, and you feel like the weight of the world has just fallen on your shoulders. 

Your breathing begins to pick up, but you’re pulled back out of it when you feel Hyunjin move beside you. Your eyes find his half-opened ones; he looks like he could fall back asleep at any moment. 

“Are you okay?” he mumbles before letting out a yawn, his arms still secure around you. 

You hum, pretty much shoving your head into his chest, your eyes focused on his laptop. “I’m okay, Hyunnie.” 

Luckily, the sleepy Hyunjin doesn't question it. He just pulls you closer and places a kiss on your hairline, sending your mind into another spiral. 

“Just take a nap.” You feel him yawn again. “Just enjoy this time.” 

When Hyunjin’s snore fills your ears once more, you let out a breath and do your best to blink away the tears swelling up in your eyes. 

This was a big realisation for your brain to handle on a Tuesday night. And you're not sure what to do about it apart from what you do best—ignore it and hope it goes away. 

nine.

– december 14th.

Before anyone can even say anything, Hyunjin knows he should be focusing on his art theory class. However, as he’s laying down across his desk with his head resting on his arm, he can’t help but stare at his phone in despair. 

It had been seven days—one week—since the magical movie night at your dorm. Since then, all of his messages had gone unresponded—actually, you responded exactly one time: the morning after when Hyunjin had asked about getting breakfast. You were busy. 

He mindlessly unlocks his phone, opening his message chain with you. Still no response or even a ‘read’ alert from you at the bottom. Deep down, he knows you haven’t even clicked on his messages if there is no ‘read’ alert, just like how his fridge won’t magically fill up with food if he doesn’t restock it… unless you turned read receipts off entirely, but that’s too much effort for you to do. 

He lost count of how many times he told you in high school to turn it off when you were in fights with your friends. You’d keep opening their messages and the fights would only continue when they saw you were ignoring them. You always brushed him off saying that there was no point, that they’d still know anyway. 

But here he is, staring at his phone, wishing for something, anything from you. At this point, he would take a ‘read at 3:25pm’ over the vacancy his inbox seems to taunt him with.

He only realises that class is over when the mass of people in the lecture hall scramble around him to leave. Hyunjin picks up his head from his table and sits there a moment longer. 

The other students make a beeline for the door, the professor glances at Hyunjin still sitting there and shakes their head, before following the students out the semi-open door, closing it behind them. Even with everyone’s presence in the room gone, it still feels just as empty as it did twenty minutes before. 

His phone lights up and a little bit of joy enters his heart, only for it to be smashed into pieces when the words become clear. 

Binnie : YO !! 

Binnie : free to get lunch or you with y/n? 

Hyunjin responds with a simple ‘i’m free.’ He locks his phone and shoves it into his pocket before throwing his messenger bag over his shoulder, dragging himself out of the lecture hall to wherever Changbin and the gang are. 

…

Hyunjin can hear them before he sees them. 

Jisung’s incessant screams and Changbin’s laughter are both way too loud for Hyunjin to put up with in that moment. But still, he wonders, following the sounds as they grow closer and closer and the two clowns (said with affection) become clear. 

Jisung’s too busy running around the picnic table, screaming about something with Changbin laughing so hard he has tears streaming down his face. Next to him is a silent-as-ever Chan, watching in amusement with a dopey smile present on his lips. 

It goes silent when Hyunjin drops his bag with a thud on the table. It makes him wince and the stares from three of his friends makes him wish the world would swallow him whole. It’s still silent when he throws one leg over the bench and sits himself down, bringing the other leg in before using his bag as a pillow.

Three, two, one… he thinks.

“What’s up with you?”

There it is. Hyunjin ignores the question as he tries to push his head further into his bag.

“Hyun?” Chan’s voice is softer than the other two boys. Whilst he knows the other two mean well, it’s a lot more comforting when it’s coming from Chan. “Are you okay?” 

It takes all of his strength to pick his head up off of the table and look at the eldest of the four boys. Hyunjin feels as if his default look is to frown and when the other two boys clock on, Jisung is sat down next to him in a flash. 

“Bro,” Changbin starts. “You look as if your mum told you you’d never see Kkami again.” 

This clown (again said with affection) really did not have the slightest indication of how to comfort someone. There was something unique about Changbin, he had heart, but brains? That and reading the room wasn’t always his strong suit. 

“I think what he means is,” Chan rephrases, “you look really down in the dumps. What’s up, buddy?” There he goes, talking as if he’s seventy when he’s barely twenty-six.

“Y/N hasn’t spoken to me in a week…” Hyunjin mumbles, letting his head fall back onto his bag. “Do you think she hates me?” he asks, but to the trio it comes out more like, ‘o u inks smates me?’ 

He isn’t sure who places a hand on his back—he assumes it’s Jisung with the angle. All he knows is he can feel a cold hand just barely pressing through his hoodie. 

“Maybe she’s busy?” Jisung says, patting Hyunjin’s back lightly. “She’ll send her usual emoji update when she’s ready.” 

Hyunjin only picks up his head again so his friends can hear him. “She hasn’t even read any of my messages.” 

It’s quiet, too quiet. When he sits up to look at them and Jisung’s hand falls from his back, Hyunjin’s frown just enhances. The boys look at each other, frowns present on their own faces. Hyunjin doesn’t think they completely understand the situation. But then again, neither can he.

“What do I do?” he says. 

“She’s probably busy with exams…” Jisung blurts out, looking at the two boys sitting across from them before looking back at Hyunjin. 

“Yeah!” Changbin pipes in. “Plus her internship! That’s probably keeping her busy too, especially since it’s close to Christmas!” 

Hyunjin looks over at Chan, he’s silent like usual. He has a sad smile on his face, like he wants to say something to calm Hyunjin’s worries, but he’s just not exactly sure what those words are. 

“Thanks guys…” Hyunjin does his best to smile.

Jisung brings him in for a tight hug. Even though he normally would have, Hyunjin doesn’t try to push him away. The coos from the two other boys make his heart feel just a bit warmer. 

…

– december 15th.

Hyunjin should have called first. But with how silent you’ve been over the past eight days, he knew you wouldn’t have picked up. So here he stands, two pizza boxes in one hand as he tries to pluck up the courage to finally knock on your door after standing outside it for god knows how long. 

He wonders if you’ll smell the pizza from inside and open the door yourself so he wouldn’t have to knock. A boy can dream. 

He clenches his fist so hard it turns white. Takes a deep breath, releases it. Takes another one. He thinks about how he’ll knock on the count of three—but then procrastinates even more by thinking about if he means he’d do it on three or after three. 

In actuality, he doesn’t need to do anything when the sound of your door unlocking makes him smile slightly. He knew you’d smell the pizza. 

When the door opens up wide enough, you jump back slightly in surprise. Hyunjin can barely believe himself either. He’s actually here… in all his anxious glory.

“Hyunjin…” 

Your face visibly pales, causing Hyunjin to frown. Did you really not want to see him that badly? Over a week of nothing and this is how you react when you see him again? 

He looks down at your outfit. You’ve got your puffer coat on and your bag draped across your chest, sending the puffiness out in awkward directions. “Where are you going?” 

“I– I’ve got class,” you stutter. 

“Oh.” Hyunjin’s shoulders drop. 

He motions to the pizza boxes in his hand and smiles sheepishly. He watches how your eyes glance at them before darting off in another direction.

“I thought we could chill and have pizza, like normal,” he explains, shrugging his shoulders. “I’m sorry, I forgot you had class today and…” Hyunjin pauses. He takes another deep breath as he watches you, waiting to see if you’d finally look at him. “I was just wondering if we could talk… it’s been a while you know?” 

One of your hands comes up to fiddle with the hair behind your left ear. Hyunjin takes note of how you bite at your bottom lip. 

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that.” 

Hyunjin blinks. You’re still avoiding his gaze.

“Can we at least talk quickly?” he asks. He can’t tell if he’s grateful or not when you open the door wider for him to enter. 

“Okay. Just make it quick.”

He shuffles inside, placing the pizza boxes down on the coffee table that once held his laptop as their makeshift fireplace. Turning back to you, Hyunjin now sees how your hands are shoved into your pockets. Your coat is zipped all the way up so you can hide your face in your collar. 

“Where have you been?” The question escapes his lips before he can even register it. 

He’s watching you for every single change in your body language, every little muscle movement. Anything that will clue him into what the heck is happening. 

“I’m sorry,” you say, barely above a whisper. “I’ve been busy with schoolwork, and my internship is piling more on me because Christmas is coming up.” Just like Changbin had thought. But even then, it didn’t feel enough. 

“You could have said something,” Hyunjin sighs. “Anything. Even just an emoji like you usually do when you’re cramming.” 

He’s surprised when you have nothing to say. You’re just hiding in your coat collar and he can see the distressed look on your face. Hyunjin has never felt more confused in his life, and here you are, doing nothing to help. He feels as if he’s questioning every life choice he’s made up to this point. 

“Are you okay?” he speaks again after another moment. “You know you can tell me anything, right?” 

Hyunjin feels like tiny needles are being pricked into his heart, and your silence is pushing them deeper. The more seconds that tick by, the more his heart crumbles in his chest.

He watches as you take a deep breath in. He watches you as you exhale. 

“About that…” You gulp and take another breath. “We should stop this… we should break up.” 

Hyunjin can hear the glass house around him break into hundreds and thousands of little pieces. He’s sure that in all that rubble is his heart—pierced and splinted, bleeding out from each wound. Yet all that he can do is blink. 

“...What?”

For the first time in his life, he cannot read a single expression or feeling on your face. It’s like he’s been placed in the middle of the desert; no map, no compass, nothing. He’s lost, afraid, and so, so alone. And you’re just standing there, a mere few feet away from him, unable to even look him in the eye.

“We should end our agreement.” You’re fiddling with the strap on your bag as if to keep your mind from spiralling or wondering. “Look, everything with class and my internship is getting busier, and you wanted Christmas dates, right?”

You gulp again. Hyunjin is just silent. He can’t even nod.

“You got what you wanted. You got the dates and to experience a Christmas romance.” You finally look him in the eye, and it’s like one final stab to his heart. “So we should end this now, so we can both focus on the things we need to.” 

You’re finally staring at each other, battling it out silently for who can keep their hold the longest. It’s torture and Hyunjin’s never felt pain like this… it pierces into his stomach so bad that he wants to throw up. 

“Hyunjin—” 

Before you can even finish your sentence, you’re cut off by the sound of the door unlocking. Your eyes widen in surprise as Yeri, your usually missing roommate, walks through the door. She has a suitcase behind her, probably back from whatever adventure she’s been on with her girlfriend. 

You seem glad to see her back in one piece, but god, did she have the worst timing. It makes Hyunjin want to scream. Why now, of all times, did she have to decide to come home? Right when Hyunjin’s in the middle of being ‘dumped’ by the person he’s in love with?

Yeri looks up in shock, takes one of her airpods out of her ear, and grins sheepishly. 

“Oh, I’m sorry…” Her eyes flicker between you and Hyunjin. She’s not sure what to make of the awkward atmosphere, but Hyunjin doesn’t blame her. “I’ll…” She motions to her bedroom door to insinuate the end of her sentence, before dragging her suitcase behind her. 

When the soft click of her door closing behind her is heard, you turn your attention back to Hyunjin. You open your mouth to speak, but before you can utter a word, he shakes his head. 

“No.” He doesn’t even let you begin. 

He wants to scream and cry out, not only in confusion, but in what Hyunjin can’t tell is anger or just pure sadness. He doesn’t, partly because he knows Yeri is within earshot, but also because he doesn’t know if he has the energy. His mind is making so many laps and leaps trying to figure out everything that he just wants to lie down.

He gasps for air. His eyes feel misty and he wants to do nothing but run. 

“I get it,” he mutters, looking away. “You can have what you want.”

Hyunjin says no more, leaving the discarded pizzas on the coffee table. He ignores the way his heart stings when you don’t call after him. He doesn’t even bother to wait for the elevator, choosing to rush down the stairs to get out of the building as fast as possible whilst wiping his cheeks haphazardly with the back of his sleeve. 

He once again wants the world to swallow him whole—or for him to sleep for the rest of the Christmas season. Because, honestly, none of it seems worth it anymore.

ten.

– december 18th.

How is it possible that three days can feel like an eternity? 

‘We should end this.’ Your voice repeats in Hyunjin’s brain in a constant loop. It torments him when he’s awake and stays to haunt him in his dreams. ‘We should break up.’ 

The first day felt like torture. All he wanted to was rant about you, to you. Sure, he could go to his other friends, but when you’re his first choice… what could he do? He couldn’t call or text you now that he wants to more than over. He wanted to cry at the sound of your voice and beg you to reconsider—to go on real dates with him—to have a real Christmas romance. 

‘You got what you wanted.’

Day two was just as hard. When he hadn’t blown up the group chat over some random thing in over twenty-four hours, this was when his friends got worried. So they blew up his phone instead with a mixture of concern and heartfelt care, and whatever you call Jisung’s messages. Hyunjin decided to ignore them, but kept checking his phone on the off-chance he’d get a text from you. Eventually, he turned over his phone and rolled over in his bed, shutting his eyes and hoping the world would disappear for a bit. 

‘You got the dates, you got to experience a Christmas romance.’

Now here he sits, on day three, in the trio’s shared off-campus apartment. He only begrudgingly got out of bed when Jisung threatened to start screaming outside his door. He’s lying sideways across the couch, his feet propped up against the armchair. He hasn’t washed his hair in too long, he vaguely thinks a family of birds might nest in it someday, and his grey sweats have a big blotch of brown on one leg. He spilled hot Americano on himself when he got home after your breakup, but he didn’t have the energy to change out of them.

He knows he shouldn’t be calling it a breakup when you two were never really together. But when his feelings are completely and utterly real, it really feels like one. He feels his eyes start to become misty again, and he shoves his head into his sweater paws as he tries to bury himself in the sofa more. 

‘So we should end this now.’

Chan, Changbin, and Jisung are all watching from the barely-used dining table. They are at a loss for words, they hadn’t thought about the possibility of you and Hyunjin ever breaking up. To everyone in the friend group, you two were set for life, ride-or-dies, the sunshine to the flowers. To them, there was never any possibility of a break up. They just didn’t get it. 

Changbin takes a sip of his protein shake through a bright pink curly straw, and huffs. “This is weird, dudes.” He looks over at the two other boys, who still have their eyes on Hyunjin. “He’s never been like this with anyone.” 

“Y/N isn’t just anyone, though,” Chan responds.

“Yeah,” Jisung sighs, resting his chin on the palm of his hand. His eyes still bore into Hyunjin. “They’re, like, totally made for each other.”  

Hyunjin brings his hands away slightly, sending the best glare he could manage. To the boys, however, it was more pitiful than scary, like a kicked puppy. All they want to do is scoop him up and never let him go until his heart is unbroken.  

“You know I can hear you, right?” Hyunjin asks. “And to be honest, I really don’t like all this mumbling.” 

The boys don’t hold his bad mood against him. He’s upset, frustrated, and they know he’ll apologise when he’s feeling better. Chan takes the lead, opening his mouth to speak before the other two dummies could say anything to make Hyunjin more upset. 

“We’re sorry, we’re just confused on why you guys broke up,” he explains. The other two boys nod their heads as the eldest speaks. “You two have always seemed so perfect for each other.” 

They notice how Hyunjin’s shoulders drop and he goes to hide his face in his sweater paws again. His words come out all muffled and Chan, Changbin, and Jisung all glance at each other to see if any of them understood what he said.

“What was that?” Chan asks. Hyunjin yanks his sweater paws away from his face, turning his head sharply at the boys.

“We never broke up, okay?!”

The trio can now really see how glassy Hyunjin’s eyes have become. They exchange concerned glances with each other, frowns of their own also covering their faces.

“W-Wait. What do you m—” 

Hyunjin cuts Chan off with a hiccup. 

“We— we were never really together... So w-we never really broke up.” 

The boys are stunned, confused and so completely stunned. They don’t know where to even begin to wrap their heads around the confession. But it also leads them to the next question, if it was all fake… why was Hyunjin so distraught now that it was over? 

Now it didn’t take a genius to figure that out, but it was better to hear it from Hyunjin himself.

“Okay,” Chan gulps, “do you want to start from the beginning?” 

So Hyunjin starts from the beginning. He starts off with the confession from Jisoo that was totally not the vibe. He talks about how he went to you to whine about how he was losing his chance for a college christmas romance, to how you suggested he should fake date someone to get the experiences he wanted. To how he had decided you were his perfect person for the task. 

“Why didn’t you just tell us it was fake, man?” Changbin asks, “it wouldn’t have been that much of a deal.” 

Hyunjin sighs, falling back into the chair and letting his head fall backwards so he can look up at the ceiling. 

“I don’t know, just wanted it to seem more realistic I guess.” He sighs. 

“Well…” Jisung continues, “what happened next?” 

So Hyunjin continues with his story. He talks about the decorating of your dorm, he ignores the comment from Jisung about that’s how your apartment got that way. He goes on to talk about the movie night and the cookies to the ice skating, and he talks about the Christmas tree farm. 

“From there…” Hyunjin slows down and pauses. 

The trio is silent, waiting for the blond to admit what they all know. They’re not sure how long he’s silent for, it could have been only a second, but in that moment it could have also been a lifetime. 

“From there… It was different.” 

He looks over to the three boys at the dining table. He felt like his heart was cracking in a whole new different way. When he was keeping it to himself, he could shove it into a little box and act as if it was something future-Hyunjin had to deal with. But now this present version of him hated past him for even thinking about putting the emotions aside to begin with. 

“I don’t know when it happened, or if it happened long before I even realised it, but she’s different. She’s her version of perfect and now it’s blown up in my face.” Hyunjin’s frown is contagious. “I– I love her and now she wants nothing to do with me anymore.” 

“I’m sure that’s not true…” Changbin tries to sympathise, but Hyunjin just shakes his head. 

“You should have seen her, she would barely look at me.” Hyunjin begins to hiccup again. “She’s the love of my life and it ended before it even started.” 

Jisung opens his mouth to speak, but Chan quickly nudges him in the side to be quiet. When Jisung looks at the older boy, all Chan does is shake his head. A look on his face saying let him get this out. 

“Ever since the Christmas tree farm, she’s been different, she’s amazing and kind–” Hyunjin hiccups, blinking away the tears he could feel welling up in his eyes. “She has this sparkle about her and even though I know it annoyed her, she still let me go on and on about how I wanted a perfect college Christmas romance when with her… I don’t need perfection.” 

“What are you going to do?” 

Hyunjin feels like curling up into a ball. He wishes for his friends to stop staring at him. He wants to hide, he wants to cry, and he wants to eat his body weight in a food that isn’t going to remind him of you– not that there were many types of those things. 

“I need to give her the space she wanted,” Hyunjin states. ���She can do the things she needs to: focus on work and her internship. And I'll wait…” 

“Wait for her?” Jisung says.

Hyunjin nods. “I’ll wait forever if I have to.” 

eleven.

– december 14th.

When the soft click of her door closing behind her is heard, you turn your attention back to him. You open your mouth to speak, but before you can utter a word, he shakes his head.

“No.” He doesn’t even let you begin.

He gasps for air and you can see him blinking rapidly. You feel your heart tear in two.

“I get it,” he mutters. “You can have what you want.”

Before you can utter another word, he’s out the door. You’re sure the pizza he leaves behind is cold by now, but even if you were hungry a few minutes ago, you’re not anymore. What you want more is for him to turn around, to come back when you call out to him.

But he’s gone. It’s too late.

“Okay, so what was that all about?” Yeri’s voice breaks you out of your trance. 

You’re not sure how long it’s been since Hyunjin left your dorm, your door is still wide open, and you haven’t even moved a muscle. Even though you have class in twenty minutes—that part you didn’t lie about—you want nothing but to run into your room and hide there for the rest of the year.

You clear your throat and your hands go back to the strap of your bag to keep them entertained. “I… I don’t know what you’re on about.”

You haven’t even turned to look at her and you know that she knows you’re lying through your teeth.  

“Uh huh,” Yeri tuts. 

You hear her footsteps get closer to you before she’s come up beside you and is now in eye view. 

“So no trouble going on with Mr Blond Best Friend, then?” she continues to question. 

You stay silent in response, not trusting your own voice. Your eyes start to feel wet. You were able to keep up an act in front of Hyunjin, but now that he’s gone and the vision of his teary eyes keeps repeating in your mind, it’s getting more and more difficult to pretend. 

“Nothing’s going on,” you clear your throat again. Tugging on your crossbody bag, you look at her once before rushing to the door. “I need to go to class, glad to see you back.” 

Yeri can’t even get another word out as you rush out the door, slamming it behind you. You unknowingly take the same route as Hyunjin, rushing down the stairs to get out of the building as quickly as possible. 

Once the cold air hits you, you take a deep breath and wipe your cheeks with the back of your hands. 

You had to, it was the only option.

“Hyunjin!” you call out, looking all around you. Several students push by you, some wearing holiday pyjamas or Santa hats. You don’t understand how they can feel even an ounce of Christmas spirit right now.

You try running somewhere, anywhere, ducking and weaving through the pack of students making their way to wherever they want to go. There are hundreds of students out, yet you can pick out one blond head from the crowd.

“Hyunjin!”

You run faster. Before you’re able to process it, someone on an electric scooter whizzes by, knocking you off your feet. You yelp and stretch your arms out to catch yourself.

And now you’re on the ground. Groaning, you slowly move to get up. Hundreds of students pass by where you lie, but not one stops to help you. Until…

“Oh my god, Y/N!”

You light up for a second at the familiar voice. Once you realise who it is, you roll over, deflated.

Jisung gasps. “You look like death! What happened to you?!”

You blink once. “Gee, thanks,” you say flatly.

The boy stares at you for a second before finally reaching a hand out. You take it and he pulls you up.

“O-Okay, but seriously, what happened?” he says. “Are you okay?”

You search his eyes for a moment before shrugging. What are you supposed to say to Jisung? That you just ruined your friendship with the love of your life?

“It’s about Hyunjin, isn’t it?” Jisung says, his voice softer. The way he’s watching you makes you tear up all over again. He seems to let you process for another moment before reaching over, rubbing your shoulder gently.

“Look,” he sighs, “I… I know you two weren’t real. I honestly thought you were, though.” He then mutters something along the lines of, “So I didn’t owe our friend group sixty dollars after all.”

“That’s your first thought right now?”

“Wait, nonono!” Jisung’s stance changes in a snap and begins frantically smoothing out your outfit, ruffling your messy hair and making it even messier. “It’s okay, it’s okay, everything will beeee okaaayyy.”

You groan and roll your eyes fondly, but you let him continue.

“Okay, but for real now…” He rubs your shoulder again. “I think you should tell him.”

A breath hitches in the back of your throat. “Tell him… what exactly?”

He sighs deeply. “You know what I mean, Y/N.”

It’s your turn to sigh, and you look down at your shoes as your eyes well up again. Jisung smiles sadly at you and pulls you into a hug.

“He misses you, you know that?” he says. You nod, shoving your face in his shoulder before he can see you cry. “And don’t worry, I won’t tell him you miss him, too. That’s your job.”

In between sobs, you nod.

“And once you two get together, I can get my damn money back,” Jisung grumbles.

You let out a wet chuckle and hold onto him for another minute. You’re terrified of what may happen, but no amount of fear in your body is worth the heartbreak you feel right now.

twelve.

– december 24th.

Hyunjin feels… something. 

Every year on Christmas Eve, the boy would scramble to get to bed early, so he could be asleep by the time Santa comes. Obviously, though, he’s since outgrown that tradition, but now he stays up till midnight like every other teenager and college student, counting down the seconds to Christmas Day. It’s as if Christmas is Hyunjin’s pre-New Year of sorts. He may not believe in Santa anymore, but the childlike wonder and excitement he gets during this time of year has never changed. He’s all jumpy and hyper and jittery like a kid who ate too much candy, eagerly awaiting the day that the movies and the lights and the snow have made so magical.

And this year, for the first time ever, he might not be counting down alone.

Going the past week without hearing the sound of your voice felt like walking barefoot through a pit full of Legos—doubly so because he saw you on campus during finals week talking to Jisung once. Jisung! Out of everyone in your friend circle, of course you were still talking to the one who flirts with everyone for fun. At least he didn’t wink at you this time…

But after what felt like aeons of being sent to voicemail, you finally called him back six days, sixteen hours, and forty-seven minutes ago. You said something about meeting up for lunch the day after or something; he barely remembers anything from that call other than that you called. That lunch at the university cafe wasn’t much different. He was so relieved that you were in front of him talking to him again that he wasn’t paying much attention to what you were actually saying.

…Okay, maybe that’s a lie. You rearranged the Christmas decorations he had thrown all over your dorm on your first date, you got all your Christmas shopping done, and you have a super-duper special date planned for Christmas Eve. Dress warm. You’ll pick him up at 8 for dinner. And you’ll both be getting home late.

Hyunjin can see his breath just past his nose as he checks out his reflection in the glass window panes of the university library. He picked out his best winter coat for tonight—the one that goes with almost any outfit he could put together, but also doesn’t take the limelight off of yours. He also broke out the pristine white sneakers—you know, the ones he cleans frantically after every use. Were they going to get dirty in the snow? Maybe a little. But it’s you, and they go so well with his sweater and jeans. You deserve his best fit.

He knows nothing about what your plan is for tonight. All he knows is that you’ll be here in five minutes, his stomach is doing flips inside him, and he’s got shivers going up his spine.

Hyunjin feels something—he just can’t name what that something is. All the adjectives he can think of don’t feel quite right. The closest he can get is ‘tingly’, and even then, he can’t explain why he landed on that particular word. But when you pull up at the library and roll down your window, all the words he’s ever learned fly out the door.

No combination of letters could capture how beautiful you are to him.

…

Hyunjin is surprised to find himself back in the heart of downtown. This time, it’s after a lovely meal and hours-long conversation with you, and you’re the one guiding him around now.

He swivels his head around as he lets you lead, taking in all the glittery Christmas lights the same way you are. Quickly, he recognizes you’re taking the same path he once did to the cafe where you two watched the light switch. He feels like he’s on the Polar Express to the North Pole—yes, of course he was watching the movie before your date tonight. It’s a Christmas must.

Wait… fake date. He nearly forgot these dates aren’t real.

He’s not sure why he let himself get away with calling all these real dates. Clearly, it made you uncomfortable to the point where you felt the need to fake-break up with him. He’s also not sure if he should consider himself lucky that the breakup wasn’t real.

Does this mean the fake Christmas romance thing is back on? You two never actually discussed it, but you did also ask him on a… fake date.

Despite this, there’s still something in the air that’s giving him that tingly feeling. He’s still not sure if that’s the right word. He just knows that standing right next to you on the balcony of an abandoned cafe to witness the arrival of Christmas Day… it feels so, so right. Almost like everything is falling into place.

“Hyunnie… can we talk?”

—

Hyunjin turns to you, his gaze soft, and you freeze in place. Did you really just say that? Now?  What if you ruin Christmas Eve and Christmas because you didn’t wait?

You sigh to yourself, a small puff of air escaping your mouth. You know that this was something you needed to do, both for yourself and your peace of mind. Maybe Jisung, too, and whatever lost money he was moping about that one time. But there’s still ten minutes to midnight. Is that too soon?

No. It’s not. If anything, it’s long overdue. No more running. Plus, if he’s truly your best friend and he doesn’t like you back, nothing should change… right? At least, not for the long term.

“Is everything okay?”

Hyunjin’s honey voice pulls you out of your thoughts. Hyunnie, sweet like honey… wait, Y/N, don’t get distracted. It’s almost midnight.

Take a deep breath.

“Hyunnie, um…” You fiddle with a small object in your pocket as you try to think.

When you look up, he’s nodding. “Yeah?”

Deep breath.

“I’m sorry… I'm sorry for ghosting you and stopping this so suddenly.” You’re blinking and Hyunjin watches as you open your mouth to speak before closing it again. Like the words are at the tip of your tongue, but the courage just hasn’t bubbled up enough. “I…” You take a breath, looking up at anywhere but him as you mumble to yourself, “God, this is so much harder than I thought it’d be.”

You take a little shuffle forward.

“I… I think I realised too late, and by the time I realised, I freaked out and just… I shut down.” You look at him, your eyes boring into each other like you’re both trying to find the centre of each other’s soul. It's too much for you to stomach while you struggle to pull words out of your throat, so you let your gaze fall.

“Realised what?” Hyunjin whispers. You somehow hear it over the crowd of people forming below you.

You shuffle forward unconsciously again, keeping your eyes down. 

“Do— do you hate me?” Hyunjin says.

Eyes wide, you snap your head up and shake your head quickly. “N-No! Of course not.” “Then what—”

Your gaze shoots down and your hand goes for Hyunjin’s. A small gasp leaves his mouth before your brain catches up with the rest of you.

When you finally have the courage to look back up, it’s like everything has blurred into the background. Everything except the boy in front of you, who looks about as shocked as you are at yourself. Is this it? Is this going to be your Hallmark moment?

Deep breath.

“I love you.”

Hyunjin’s eyes grow wider, his mouth opening and closing like a fish a couple times. He probably thinks someone took over your body, that this isn’t really you.

“You… love me?”

You nod and smile. It’s hard to tell if he’s still in disbelief, but honestly, you can barely believe you’re saying these words. But you mean every single one of them.

“I do… and there’s no one else I’d rather have a Christmas romance with.”

There’s a feverish look grazing Hyunjin’s face, his mouth opened just slightly as he gasps quietly. You swear you can see little stars adorning his pretty brown eyes.

“Well,” you clarify quickly, “a college Christmas romance. But I don’t think I want this to end after we graduate.”

Hyunjin’s eyes are crinkling at the edges, his nose scrunching just slightly with the force of his joy. You’re sure of two things in that moment. One, your own expression must look just as lovesick as his. And two, you’ve never seen anyone as beautiful as Hyunjin under the glow of the lights surrounding the plaza. 

“Y/N, I… can I kiss you?”

From somewhere in the streets below, you recognize the gathered crowd beginning the countdown to midnight. You barely pay it half a mind as you pull the object from your pocket. Hyunjin’s eyes follow you as you hold it up over your heads. It’s a small sprig of mistletoe, and you can’t help the proud smile that sweeps across your face.

“You know, you wanted to hit all the Christmas traditions and you forgot one of the best ones.” 

“God, I love you.”

You practically jump into his arms when he presses his lips against yours. Fireworks explode in your chest as the clock rings twelve and cheers erupt from the streets below. It’s all a buzz in your head, though, as you cup Hyunjin’s cheeks in your hands and melt into his arms and lips and just him. 

You hope he never tries to chase perfection again, because you’re sure that this moment, right now, is the definition of it. Nothing has ever felt so perfect, so right, and nothing else will ever come close.

As if on cue, when you two slowly break the kiss, you feel something wet land on your head. You and your not fake boyfriend?—you’ll have to talk to him about that later—look up to see fluffy, white snowdrops falling all around you two.

“Merry Christmas, Hyunnie,” you say, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Hyunjin has the biggest smile on his face as you pull away. “Merry Christmas, Y/N.”

You let out a joyful giggle. It looks like Hyunjin got the cheesy Christmas romance he’s been searching his whole life for. It might not have gone the exact way he’d dreamed of, but you hope he is as happy as he has always made you.

And maybe, just maybe, you also got the ending you’d been dreaming of all along.

#straykidsland #kflixnet #kwritersworldnet #stray kids #stray kids written #stray kids x reader #stray kids fanfic #stray kids imagine #stray kids imagines #skz #skz x reader #skz fanfic #skz imagine #skz imagines #hyunjin #hang hyunjin #hyunjin fluff #hyunjin angst #hyunjin fanfic #hyunjin fic #hyunjin x reader #hyunjin x you #hyunjin imagine #skz hyunjin #bystay #merry skzmas #merry christmas

[superbat-love]

Batman: Superman, I thought I told you to stay out of Gotham. And why are you holding onto a box of popcorn and drinks?

Superman: It’s Sunday!

Batman: So?

Superman: Did you forget what you told Alfred the other day when he insisted that you eat a proper meal? You said you’ll only allow yourself to eat, drink and be merry on cheat day. Today is your cheat day, so I came here to hang out with you! Look, I even brought you snacks.

Batman: …That’s not what a cheat day actually means, Superman.

Superman: Oh… Do you still want some popcorn?

Batman: [shrugs] Hmm, why not? It’s my cheat day, after all. Hand it over.

#cheat day is fun day #superman just wants to hang out with batman #dc headcanon #dc fanfic #incorrect dc quotes #drabble #text post #dc #superbat #superman x batman #batman x superman #superman/batman #batman/superman #superman #batman #clark kent #bruce wayne

[cutecinnamon]

"A Broken Teacup" { Postwar Levi x Reader Oneshot }

CW: ⊹₊ Angst and Eventual Comfort ⊹₊ Pregnancy ⊹₊ Mention of Intimate Moments ⊹₊ Mention of a Character Death ⊹₊ Writing this made me cry a bit ⊹₊ ( I need a hug ) ໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -｡꒱ྀི১

• 3,096 word count •

:gif from pinterest

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Synopsis:

(y/n) was Levi's caretaker, close friend and former squadmate. After the rumbling and the death of Hange,

Hange has left a void at Levi's heart that (y/n) can't fill.

After seeking warmth and comfort from each other, (y/n) ends up carrying Levi's baby.

Due to their complicated and unclear relationship mixed with the fact that they are both hurting, Another incident occurs, (y/n) accidentally knocked off Hange's favorite teacup from the kitchen counter, leading to a further strain in their relationship.

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After the rumbling that occured that wiped out eighty-percent of humanity, Levi ended up in a not so good state, he lost one of his eye and two of his fingers from the thunderspear explosion with Zeke. During the final war with Eren's titan form, Levi's leg was also damaged making him unable to move as efficiently as he did during his prime.

At a small little cozy house in Marley near the sea in a nearby small but warm village, Levi resided there, with his former squadmate (y/n).

Levi and (y/n) were both pretty close honestly, When Erwin and Hange were both still alive, they were the closest friends, Their bond with each other was more than just comrades and friends, They were like family.

Levi wasn't the expressive type, but (y/n) knew that Levi had strong emotions that he conveyed for the former Commander Hange, They were always close, Hange had this warmth in her that Levi needed, that Levi seeks for, They once even talked about living at a small cottage at the forest after everything was over when Levi was injured and Hange tended to his wounds. But everything shattered for Levi when she passed away due to a honorable sacrifice she made in order to save the squad and to save Humanity.

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The room was filled with the sounds of panting, (y/n) and Levi just finished an intimate activity in their sofa at their small dim living room. (y/n) knew that a void was left in Levi's heart, it was a huge void that even her love itself can't fill.

"Captain..." (y/n) burries herself into Levi's chest, sinking into his warmth.

Levi returns the warmth but his gaze falter,

"I'm sorry (y/n)..." He said in a somewhat monotone voice that conveyed sorrow,

(y/n) knew what it meant, she can never fill the void Hange had left the former Captain, She was the person Levi would always run to, the person Levi would seek comfort to, the person that will hold Levi's heart for the longest time.

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Two months had past prior to the intimate activity that Levi and (y/n) did, Levi noticed the change in her appetite, how she would always run to the sink as she threw up the contents from her stomach every morning, how she was more sensitive and emotional compared to the reserved and calm demanor she usually had.

Levi approached (y/n) as her head was at the sink again as she went through her new routine of retching and heaving every morning.

"Are you ok (y/n)?" Levi asked her, with concern evident in his tone of voice, he spoke to her in a gentle and calming tone, which was different from his usual monotone and stern demanor and way of communicating.

"I'm alright..." (y/n) replied as she wiped her mouth and opened the sink letting the water gush cleaning any remains of the component she just discarded.

Levi looked at her, his gaze held a mixture of concern and doubt as (y/n) tried to shrug off his question with the usual "I'm alright" line she uses.

"You're clearly not alright, I'm not blind (y/n) and I'm certainly not dumb." Levi said his voice still held the same concern but with a bit of sterness this time as he made sure to dig deeper into this matter.

"Captain... I..." (y/n) tried to speak but to no avail as she knew she was cornered at this rate and that eventually he'll find out sooner or later, heck she won't be able to hide this for the next few weeks once she starts to show.

Levi scanned her expressions, she was easy to read, Levi knew (y/n) well, she was an open book to him.

"You're carrying, are you not?" Levi asked her, his voice held a bit of hesitation but with certain firmness lacing it as he tried to delve deeper in this matter.

(y/n) just stared at him, her eyes were still a bit puffy due to the tears she shed earlier while threwing up. She did not mutter a single word which was already a dead giveway to Levi's lingering question.

Levi sighs, he knew the situation was not even close to ideal, hell it was very complicated at this rate since the life inside her was a result of him seeking for Hange's warmth and trying to find any bit of what he can recieve from (y/n).

(y/n) just stares at the floor her thoughts still spiraling from the endless loop of thoughts about the baby she was carrying, about her relationship with Levi and about Levi's love for Hange.

Levi's orbs also reflected the same, it carried a lot of emotions, mostly confusion on how to feel about this.

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A few more weeks had passed, Levi decided to do his best in terms of looking after (y/n) although they haven't discussed her pregnancy as much as an ideal expecting loving couple would do, he did try his best to keep his eye on her to make sure she was doing alright.

(y/n)'s heart was also at the verge of drowning from the weight its carrying. She felt lost, alone, and despite not wanting to admit it, she did crave for Levi's affection, support, and Love.

Both (y/n) and Levi grew up with no proper father and mother figure after their parents passed. Levi grew up at the underground and his mother Kuchel died when he was younger, leaving him with his uncle Kenny who also left him after teaching Levi how to fend for himself. (y/n) on the other hand was also left to fend for herself eversince she was young, as she had lost her parents at a young age. All she ever wanted was to give the baby she was carrying the life they truly deserved, a life better than what she and Levi had when they were younger.

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One Afternoon, (y/n) was washing the porcelain teacups and teapot after she prepared tea for her and Levi just like their usual routine, even though she was pregnant with their little one, she still kept his word to take care of Levi until he fully recovered, not wanting to leave his side despite knowing that his heart belongs to someone else.

After washing two porcelain teacups (y/n) stared at a specific one, a pearly white with blueish hue teacup that had a dainty pattern of small pink flowers, a teacup that held a lot of memory for the former Captain, It was Hange's favorite cup that she would always borrow from Levi when the squad or the superiors had their meetings, it was a cup that held a lot of memories and meanings to him, thats why until now, he made it clear that he wants to use that teacup despite the almost dozen of different pearly colored ones at their kitchen cabinet.

(y/n) gently placed the teacups and teapot at their kitchen counter, though what she didn't notice was their sink was somewhat broken as a small puddle of water from the calming flow from the faucet had already made its way at their kitchen floor making it wet and slippery.

(y/n) almost slipped at the floor, fortunately she managed to hold onto the kitchen counter but it had its price, as Hange's favorite pearly white teacup with blueish hue hit their cold kitchen floor.

Levi immediately came down the stairs from their shared bedroom, after hearing the loud thud, Levi stood there, his gaze not leaving the large chunks of porcelain at the floor that held the memories of the woman he holds in his heart dearly.

(y/n)'s orbs met Levi's gray orbs that also had a blueish hue to it, It held a lot of emotions that she was unable to read, if she was being honest she saw hate, anger, disappointement and sorrow.

"Le-Levi it was an accident... I..." (y/n) tried to explain but Levi cuts her off.

"Save it, I don't want to hear it (y/n)." Levi responds, trying to keep his tone in monotone, despite his anger visibly flaring up.

"Levi... I... I'm sorry... I almost slipped and I reached onto the counter and I... I didn't realize that I accidentally knocked off Hange's favorite cup..." (y/n) tried to explain, her voice was shaking as she was at the verge of tearing up in front of him, she knew the importance of the cup, Hange was a dear friend to her, Erwin and Levi.

(y/n) also knew how much she meant to Levi and how he always tries to find the reminders of her in the small little things that she left behind just like the now shattered pieces of porcelain at kitchen floor.

Levi looked at her, although he was hard to read (y/n) knew he despises her for what happened.

"Levi... please... please listen to me..." (y/n) said softly as she gently tugged the sleeves of Levi's white polo shirt.

"Do you even know how much that teacup means to me (y/n)?" Levi responded to her, his tone laced with anger which he hardly tried to supress.

(y/n) maintained eye contact with Levi, she prepared herself for the words that he might bombard at her, she knew she messed up badly and it was something she cannot fully mend.

"You know what (y/n), I don't know if you're just incompetent or stupid but, how can you expect someone like you who can't even take care of a fragile little teacup to take care of a damn little baby?" Levi asked her, his gaze piercing her.

It hurt, hearing Levi said that made (y/n) feel that she was not qualified, she was not enough to fill the void that Hange left and she accepted it, she was the one looking after Levi and giving him the care and attention he needed, but at the end of the day those words would slip from his mouth.

Levi's words impacted (y/n) a lot, which he never really intended. He was at the verge of anger and his mind was clouding his judgement and choice of words.

After glancing at (y/n) one final time he went back upstairs to their shared bedroom with his cane.

Immediately, (y/n) kneeled down the floor picking up the big chunks of shard, despite her hands getting small cuts and bruises from the former teacup, she did her best to pick up each and every piece delicately, she then placed it on top of the table as she searched their house for a hot glue gun, she knew it was dumb to try and fix something that was already shattered, but for all that mattered to (y/n) was Levi's happiness, even if it meant his forgiveness was uncertain.

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Levi's mind started to go back to his memories with Hange,

"Oi, four eyes, don't you dare touch my teacup again. You have your own." Levi said with his usual tone.

"Levi, stop being such a hot tempered Captain, if you continue to be like that you might scare all the cadets away." Hange responded with her usual cheery tone.

Hange was a contrast to Levi's cold attitude, and Levi admired that about her.

Levi remembered that Hange loves that teacup thats why he really did cherish it.

His mind then went back to the sight of (y/n) earlier, the way she was shaking and at the verge of tears from what happened. Levi knew that (y/n) would never do that on purpose, he knew (y/n) for a long time now, as she was also a close friend of his for a long time already and one of the most skilled scout in his former squad, she proved herself to him a lot of times already, especially now that she decided to stay behind and to look after him while he was recovering. Levi believes her when she told him she almost slipped at the floor and she accidentally knocked off the teacup, but his anger got the best of him.

Levi sighed as he made his way to the door grabbing his cane to check up on (y/n) he knew that she was in a fragile state due to her pregnancy, and he knew he had gone to far from the hurtful words he said to her.

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Quiet sobs were heard at the living room as (y/n) placed the last chunk of porcelain shard at the broken teacup, she managed to put everything back in place, it was back to how it is supposed to look like despite the cracks which were marks that it was already damaged, that it was already broken.

"You know what (y/n), I don't know if you're just incompetent or stupid but, how can you expect someone like you who can't even take care of a fragile little teacup to take care of a damn little baby?"

Levi's words from earlier continued to linger in (y/n)'s mind making her question if she was really capable of taking care of their little one which further added to her overwhelming emotions and anxiety.

(y/n) was still crying silently, trying to silence the quiet sobs she was unable to hold back, she really did care about Levi, she really did love him, even though his heart belonged to another.

(y/n) stared at the cup, her thoughts overwhelming her with emotions. She tried her best to make Levi happy, from cleaning their tiny house the way he wants it to be spotless, the way she tried to learn and cook the dishes that Levi loved, To dedicating her life into staying at Marley to tend to him while he recovers, and the way she tried to push her own happiness aside, she always tried her best to understand him. She was always there for him when he wanted to talk about Hange, when he was lost after the war.

She even came as far as making love with him to give him the comfort and warmth he needed, which resulted to their now growing baby in her womb.

Even if it did hurt her knowing that Levi will never see her the same way he did with Hange.

(y/n) heard foosteps from the stairs, breaking her from her thoughts, she then turned to see Levi, who was walking slowly with the help of his cane as he approaches her.

Levi saw the teacup, he then glances at (y/n)'s hands noticing the scratches, some are even covered with a bit of crimson colored blood, he also glanced at her face, her eyes were red and puffy from crying for a few hours now.

Levi made his way to their cabinet at the living room to grab a small box, it was a first aid kit, he then settles it at the table as he takes a sit next to (y/n).

Levi gently grabs (y/n)'s hands as he gently applied an ointment to it, disinfecting it, he then made sure to delicately wrap her hands with a clean bandage.

Levi saw how (y/n) didn't mind getting hurt, and that she disregarded the wounds at her hands for the sake of putting the teacup back in place, and this had an impact on him, he then started to look back to everything, her sacrifices to take care of him, and her willingness to carry their little one despite their unclear and complicated relationship.

(y/n) was still avoiding Levi's gaze but she managed to speak out a few words before being unable to control her tears again.

"I'm really sorry Levi... I really didn't mean to..." (y/n) said as tears started to fall down her cheeks.

"Shhh..." Levi gently wraps his arms around her small frame.

"I'm sorry (y/n) I shouldn't have snapped at you like that, instead of getting mad about the teacup breaking, I should've checked on you... to make sure you and our little one aren't hurt." Levi said to her with a soothing and comforting voice as he gently strokes her hair trying to calm her down from crying, which was honestly quite foreign, it was a softer side of him, (y/n) knew Levi had this side, but it was her first time to actually feel and experience it, this side of him was more understanding, caring and affectionate.

"I should've been more emotionally and physically available for you, I should be the one supporting you throughout your pregnancy. You have always taken care of me (y/n), and I hope this time maybe I can still make it up to you." Levi said his voice still laced with the softness and affection his eyes also glistening a bit from the tears he is holding back.

"Levi..." (y/n) called out to him as she continued to embrace him, not wanting to let go of his warmth.

"I give you my word (y/n) from now on we will both try to make this work, alright?"

Levi asked her, it was honestly more of like a statement since even if she did say no, he will forbid it.

"I want to give our little one a happy and loving family they deserve... I also want you to recieve the love you deserve (y/n)."

Levi slightly pulled away his orbs locking to

(y/n)'s glistening once.

They both gave each other a nod, it was like a pact to do their best for their baby to have the family they deserve, and to also open their hearts for love since after everything they've been through, they still have each other and maybe one day the void in Levi's heart will slowly be filled.

Levi glanced at the teacup although it was shattered, it was broken, it was still standing, it was still stable. Its pearly white color mixed with its blueish hue illuminating from the reflection of the moonlight through their window.

The teacup that once reminded him of Hange, now also reminded him of (y/n) in terms of how she did her best to pull herself together despite being hurt, despite being broken, despite everything they've been through. She was a strong woman and a capable mother for their little one.

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Eversince that day, Levi opened his heart for

(y/n) although Hange still had a piece of his heart, he was slowly starting to get better in accepting the love his pregnant partner was now giving him.

As time went on Levi continued to feel his once shattered heart and its once unfixable void, swell with love from his new family, (y/n) and their little one.

"I love you (y/n)..." Levi whispered to her ear while tucking a few strands of hair falling at her face, as she fell asleep leaning on his shoulder.

(y/n) slowly opened her already tired and heavy eyelids meeting Levi's gray orbs glancing at her with genuine love and affection as both their hands were now resting at her swollen belly as they feel their little baby girl kicking inside her womb.

"I Love you too Levi... thank you for loving me and our Little one." (y/n) said gently as Levi leaned forward, planting a gentle kiss at her forehead.

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Writing this honestly made me tear up, but I hope you all enjoyed this fic ໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -｡꒱ྀི১♡

Edited: I just proofread this morning since I published it late midnight a few hours ago, I fixed a few errors and edited a few words used,

Let me know if you are interested in a mini sequel incase, thank you again for your time, ♡

- Cinna

#levi x y/n #levi x reader #aot levi #aot #hange zoe #levi ackerman #snk levi #captain levi #attack on titan #fanfic #I want to cry why did I write this