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#grief and guilt
renmedys · 25 days
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SAY HELLO TO THE ANGELS
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higuruma hiromi has killed for the first time and it makes him think of you. (or: now that he has killed, higuruma realizes that his condemnation of you those many years ago was, perhaps, wrong.)
pairing: higuruma hiromi/reader warnings: description of violence & murder, reader is a lil crazy words: 1.7k notes: title namesake is interpol's "say hello the angels"
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HIGURUMA thinks of you often. At the heart of all his tolerance and patience and pro-bono work that he does, it’s you who reminds him that there are people worth saving. It’s you who reminds him that protecting the weak and fighting for those who cannot fight for themselves is a noble way of life. It is precisely because of people like you, who show no remorse or shame for the crimes they perpetrate, that he can continue to believe in those who are truly innocent. 
He had… disliked you, the first you met. Hate is too strong a word, and Higuruma makes a point to try and not hate his clients. He remembers being baffled by who you presented yourself to be, there in the detention center, a wall of glass between you. 
When he pulled the chair out, you’d looked up from inspecting your nails, around your wrists a pair of handcuffs that chained you to the table. He knows now that you could’ve broken free of those confines with ease. He saw your eyes rake over Higuruma’s neat suit and pristine appearance until they landed on his face. He watched your eyes flit about in the slightest of  circular movements, tracing the dark circles that had started to build beneath his eyes.
“You’re my lawyer?” you had said with a scornful laugh. 
Higuruma only sighed as he sat down, flipping open the case file he had brought along with him. “(l/n) (y/n),” he read, skimming through it. “You are charged with the murder of three adults and two children at 5:28 PM on March 23. I’ve reviewed your case, and I recommend that your course of action—”
“You think I did it, don’t you?”
Higuruma raises his gaze to yours. You have a crooked grin sitting on your face and a knowing look that makes Higuruma feel like you see right through him. It makes his skin crawl.
“No, I—”
“That’s alright, Mr. Rookie Lawyer,” you chirp. “I did do it. So I’m going to plead guilty.” Higuruma blinked, at a loss for words. “I killed them,” you say again, as if Higuruma didn’t hear you the first time, smiling without a care in the world. “I just wasn’t expecting to get caught.”
Your lawyer’s face was struggling to remain stoic, and you found that notion strangely pleasurable. Behind his eyes, you could tell that he was disgusted with you.
“Why?” he finally asked.
“I wanted to,” you shrugged. “I thought it’d be fun.”
“That’s it?”
“I thought it would make me happy,” you told him, “and isn’t that what life is? The pursuit of happiness.”
“For reasons like that,” he says slowly, “you murdered five people.”
“You look like you don’t know two things about happiness, Mr. Lawyer,” you said, wagging a finger at him. “You can look down on me all you want, but even you can see the difference between us. You’re not happy in that line of work, are you? It’s cute, you know, seeing these public servants preaching goodwill. What brought you to the law, Mr. Lawyer? Vocational calling? Were you one of those kids who thought you could make the world a better place? Did you think you’d be the valiant hero who defends the people wrongly accused? I bet you’re just overjoyed to be defending people like me—”
“Enough.”
Higuruma wanted to leave. The pressure of your gaze and corruption of your soul were the reason his job was so unbearable sometimes. He couldn’t fathom what you were saying. To kill for pleasure, for happiness—sure, he knows that people are twisted and have sick urges, but you believe your worlds so wholly that he cannot be sure any longer that these ideas can be boiled down to delusion. Perhaps some people are, at their core, just horrible beyond repair. 
“You can plead guilty,” he had said, standing to leave. He was wrong to take your case, no matter how desperate he was to get his practice off the ground. He had read your file, and assumed you were one of those people caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. After all, who would think on first glance you had the capacity to rip out the hearts of three men and tear apart the bodies of two children? Yet after speaking to you, he realized he was wrong—and even if he wanted to believe, even if he knew defending you was the right thing to do, he could not deny that somewhere deep inside he despised you. “We’ll try and figure out a way to reduce your sentence. You can tell me the order of events in detail another time.”
But he never got the chance to see you again, because the next day he was served with a notice that you’d requested a new lawyer. Your case was open-shut, and the trial lasted barely an hour. He wondered how you could’ve ever been happy perpetrating violence.
Until now, years later, as his client is staring at him with contempt after all of Higuruma’s efforts and sleepless nights scrounging for evidence that would prove his innocence, he hadn’t a clue of what you meant about happiness. This case isn’t his fault. Higuruma Hiromi is not to blame for the gavel that is about to hand down his client’s sentence. The anger and hatred for the actions of higher authorities he is subjected to is not deserved. A man he worked tirelessly for, a man he believed in, a man for whose sake he had shown time and time again he would not give up on now looks at him with a stare that is icier than yours, and it fills him with a rage Higuruma doesn’t know how to calm. The ramblings of the court proceedings turn into garbled static as blood rises to his head. When he hears silence, Higuruma stands and demands a retrial on the spot.
In that moment, he wonders if killing them would make him happy.
HIGURUMA finds you in the same prison he first met you. The Culling Games had begun not long ago, and it’d been mere hours since he spent all his points on a new rule and transferred the remainder to Itadori Yuuji. Now that the onslaught of aggressors out for his life finally seemed to calm, he resumed his search for your whereabouts. The prison is within the boundaries of the colony he’s currently in, and when he arrives he finds the grounds desecrated by blood and ravaged bodies. He sees the decapitated head of a guard lying on the stone floor. For you to have survived—and he’s sure you have—you must be a strong jujutsu sorcerer. That makes your easy submission to the conviction of your crime those many years ago all the more puzzling.
In the chaos, most of the convicts escaped. Higuruma walks through empty hallways and pries open jammed doors, climbing over fallen rubble. He had half expected you to be gone as well, but he finds you in one of the cells, lying on the floor. With your hands behind your head, you look as if you’re on a grassy hill cloud watching, eyes closed in content.
“It wasn’t you,” is the first thing Higuruma says to you. This much is now clear with his newfound abilities.
“No,” you hum. “It was the curse I was there for.”
It makes more sense that way. “Are you one of them?” he asks. “Those sorcerers?”
You laugh. “No, no. Not for a long time now. Since even before I met you.”
“Ah.”
“So, why seek me out, Mr. Lawyer? You need some wisdom in this new world of yours?”
“No,” he says, shaking his head. “I wanted to ask you something.”
You crack open an eye to peek at him. “I think I can guess what about.”
“Why did you plead guilty? You didn’t do it.”
Shrugging, you feel your shoulders brush against the concrete. “I wanted to see what it would be like.”
“That’s all?” he asks quietly.
“Isn’t wanting to enough justification?” you ask. Then you click your tongue. “I guess maybe not to a lawyer.”
“But you’re innocent.”
“For that crime, maybe. But I’ve killed before, for the same reasons I told you back then. And what about you, Mr. Lawyer? Are you still innocent?”
Higuruma lowers himself to the floor, sitting against a chunk of rock outside your cell. “No,” he says quietly. “No, I’m beyond saving, I think. When this is all over, I’m going to turn myself in.”
“Now why would you do that?” you tut, and Higuruma thinks it’s ironic you’d say that. Despite the ceiling and walls of your confines being blown apart and merely the remains of a wreckage, you act as though you are still trapped, not leaving. You’ve also willingly turned yourself in. 
“You've killed people too, (y/n)-san.”
“Plenty,” you confirm.
“I couldn’t understand you back then, when you said that you thought it might make you happy.”
“You still can’t, Mr. Lawyer.” His eyebrows raise slightly. “When you killed those people, how did you feel?”
You sit up now, turning your body towards him. Higuruma knows you’re a killer, and he figures that you could probably kill him in the blink of an eye. There’s no fear, though. He feels strangely calm in your presence, and it reminds him of all the cases he fought where he thought back to you. People who do not want to be saved cannot be. So all the other clients he had over the years, who pleaded innocent and needed someone to trust them—Higuruma knew that there was a chance for them to be absolved. You taught him that.
His eyes fall to the floor. “It felt awful.”
You let out a gentle laugh, retreating into the corner as you lay back down on the concrete, rolling onto your side so that your back faces Higuruma. “Then there’s still hope for you yet, Higuruma. You’re a lawyer, aren’t you? Protecting the weak is your job. Go.”
Higuruma seems somewhat moved by your words, and it is the first time he hears his name in your voice. He stands and dusts himself off. “After this, (y/n)-san, what will you do?”
“I haven’t decided yet,” you tell him. “I’ll stay here, probably. At least until the games are over.”
“I’ll come back,” Higuruma then says, and this time it is his turn to catch you by surprise.
“Why bother?”
Higuruma’s lips curve upward slightly. “I just want to,” he says, and the sound of his fading footsteps make you wish that perhaps you had lived a more righteous life.
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ladyzirkonia · 1 year
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It hurts so much. Like the guilt Hunter and Wrecker have to feel after that. Please can just somebody write something comforting. Like comfort each other after what happened. I need to cuddle my big boy so bad! He just looked so devasteted.
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killerolives · 9 months
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i dig my heels into the sockets of your eyes, climbing, using, clawing my way up, pushing you down into the past. i take and take, then hide my feet in shame, dried blood caked between my toes. i do not stand on shoulders, lofty and graceful, i crouch on beaten, tired bodies, afraid of toppling at any moment. i have not earned my place here. i do not belong here.
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paranorahjones · 11 months
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I know this is weird but I really want to know. This is a serious poll. Obviously don't feel pressured to elaborate on any of these answers, if you choose to answer. But I'd appreciate a reblog.
(Edit)
@ everyone who has used this poll to lay down the burden of what's haunting you: I love you and we are all sitting around a glowing campfire together under a canopy of stars, wrapped in healing and in blankets. You and your ghosts can rest here.
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greenglowinspooks · 7 months
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The way that I’m brainrotting over a DCxDP crossover with a Danny who’s a vengeful villain rn
Like, let’s just say that the GiW finally get into contact with the JL. They need help neutralizing a threat, you see, and they’re on their last limb trying to keep civilians safe.
They have video evidence! They have studies to back their claims! The JL have to help them!
Unfortunately, the JL believe them. They join a fight against Danny, and defeat him due to being far more experienced than he is. Danny is locked away and experimented on by the GiW.
That would CHANGE a person. Your heroes turning against you and seeing you as a monster, being experimented on for who knows how long, not knowing if your friends and family are safe.
Danny gets out due to a simple mistake on the GiW’s part; having Blüdhaven as part of their transport route.
Of course the trucks were attacked, they’re government property!
So now, whoever decided to raid the government transport trucks (the Penguin or something) has a ton of experimental weapons with no idea how they work, and a heavily traumatized teenager.
Danny knows how they work. Danny can be useful! They won’t throw him out if he’s useful! And so, now Danny is working for the Penguin, altering the ectoplasm weapons to make them work on humans.
It’s a good deal for both parties. Danny gets to neurotically imprint on the Penguin like a small baby animal, and the Penguin gets a brilliant mind who will stop at nothing to achieve his goals.
But eventually, Danny finds out what happened to his family in his absence.
Jazz is in Arkham. Not as a psychologist, but as a “patient.” Apparently, she snapped and completely destroyed the house, leveled a few blocks of Amity Park, and conducted organized attacks on government bases (mostly GiW) for months.
Sam and Tucker helped her, eventually splitting once Jazz was captured. Sam travels to areas of extreme pollution, completely overgrowing them with her plant powers. Currently she’s in the Amazon rainforest, engaging in an ongoing feud with logging companies. Sam is winning.
Tucker faked his death, and Danny has no idea where he is. He only knows that the death wasn’t real because of a code that the three of them made together, just in case.
Ellie’s trapped in the Infinite Realms. Danny had a failsafe in place so that if she was ever cornered by the GiW, she would be sent to her haunt in the GZ. However, with the portal destroyed, she can’t come back. Danny just hopes she’s okay.
His parents are now top GiW scientists. They’re traveling the country giving speeches. They’re working on a battery powered by ectoplasm, but apparently started “having difficulties” around the same time that Danny escaped.
None of it is fair. None of it is right.
The Justice League destroyed his life, the lives of his friends, and they’re doing as good as ever. The GiW is respected, and his parents are happily working away for them.
Danny takes up some of his more experimental weapons and breaks Jazz out of Arkham. She’s a little different now, colder and more quiet, but she still loves him all the same. It’s an unimaginable comfort to him to see his sister again.
He can’t use his powers anymore. He’s so used to associating them with pain that even transforming into his ghost form is enough to take him down for hours.
However, he understands ectoplasm more than anyone else in the world. He knows how to use it in virtually everything; how it can become a weapon, how it can be used as a supplemental ingredient in poisons and nerve agents, how it can twist and distort the mind if applied correctly.
He doesn’t care what happens to him. He’s going to take down the GiW, and destroy the lives of the JL members who helped lock him away, just as they did to him.
No matter the cost.
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ruporas · 1 year
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the song of humanity will continue to be sung
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daeyumi · 7 months
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Broken oaths and forgotten dreams 💧
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hamletthedane · 2 months
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Shakespeare: I will create two teenage characters who are explicitly proto-postmodern examinations of the nature of character and fate within fictional narrative. I am their creator and - like their parents within the narrative - I exercise complete control over their fates, no matter how much they struggle against it. They are born like Athena from my mind and doomed to die by my pen, by my complicity in the narrative negligence of them, by my own actions and wishes-
Actor: cool, what's their names?
Shakespeare, father of twins named Judith and Hamnet: uhh…. Juliet and Hamlet.
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novelconcepts · 8 months
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Fall of the House of Usher has everything, tbh. Seven Deadly Sins family. Everyone’s queer. No one has a moral compass. Nightmare goblin energy everywhere. The most grotesque deaths you’ve ever seen. Hilarious snark. The hottest women in the world. Carla Gugino in fifteen different wigs. Violent lesbians. Cats coming out on top. Cool tattoos. Orgiastic vibes. Katie Parker being Just A Lady, for once. Terrific hair. A granddaughter who takes no shit. Intimacy issues galore. Storytime. Storytime. Storytime.
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dangoulains-devotion · 2 months
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you mustn't blame yourself
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DP X DC PROMPT #29
(#) = Notes at the end of post
The Nasty Burger Explosion still happens, and Danny is left without his friends, family, and the only teacher who ever tried to help and encourage him in school. He manages to skirt around Vlad's custody by discovering a cousin of his Dad's he'd never heard about (1). He reached out to her, crying and begging for her to take him in. To not let Vlad anywhere near him.
Needless to say, after hearing a desperate teenager call her in tears and discover that besides Danny, her cousin Jack and his family had recently died in a horrible "accident," Lois nearly upends everything to go and get Danny from a middle of nowhere town in Illinois. After talking with Clark, of course. She didn't get one word in, however, cause he heard the entire phone call from the other room, though unintentionally.
After arranging for Mama Kent to watch over a still young Jon, they drove as fast as possible to meet this boy that already had their hearts in an iron grasp. When they first lay eyes on him, they immediately want to comfort him. His black hair is a tangled mess, his eyes bloodshot and red from crying. He sits in the corner of the school secretary's office, curled up in the small seat with an overstuffed backpack clutched tightly in a trembling, white-knuckled grip. A girl with dark skin and her hair held back by a headband sits with him, but she gets up and walks over as soon as she sees them enter the office. Danny doesn't seem to notice or even look up from where he's staring at the floor tiles.
"He's been hiding here for the last few days since he called you. He hasn't gone home once except to pack the bag he has with him." The girl explains. She holds out her hand to Lois for a handshake. "Valerie. You could say I'm a... friend of his (2). I'm assuming you're the cousin?"
Lois nods solemnly. "How's he been? He wouldn't tell me why he wouldn't go with his parent's first choice of custody. I've been worried."
Valerie grimaced and looked back at Danny before looking her directly in the eyes. "I can't say much without revealing anything i shouldn't. Let's just say Vlad has an unhealthy obsession with Danny, and it's unsafe to be around him. If he trusts you, he'll be the one to tell you the rest."
Clark and Lois share a look before they both nodded.
Valerie sees their acceptance and relaxes. She'd actually been tense the entire time she'd been talking with them.
"Well, with that said, I'll be going now." She rubbed the back of her neck and looked down with a sad expression. She looked back up at Lois with a deep sigh, and only then did Lois realize that Valerie looked to have been crying recently too. Looking between both adults, she made a quiet request. "Take care of him, will you?"
This time Clark is the one who finally speaks up. "You have our word he'll be safe and cared for."
Valerie's shoulders slump with a shuttering sigh of relief. "Thank you."
Once she left, Clark and Lois slowly approached Danny and sat to either side of him. Only then did he finally look up from the tiles and see them. His eyes ghosted over Lois but immediately locked onto Clark. He stared up at him, his eyes glassy with unshed tears.
Clark shrunk his broad form down a little, concerned his build might be intimidating for the young man. "Hi there, bud." He said in a soft tone. "I'm Clark and this is Lois. We're here to pick you up."
When introductions didn't seem to get a reaction from the teen, Clark's brow furrowed further. "Something wrong?"
Danny finally blinked and quickly ducked his head back down to look at the floor. "N-No." He croaked. "Sorry. For a moment there, I thought you were-" He choked on his words and seemed to have difficulty swallowing. He was shaking, his face hidden against his knees with one of his arms braced over his head to hide even further.
When he finally managed to finish his sentence, Clark's heart shattered completely.
"I th-thought you were my dad."
Clark looked at Lois with lost, watery eyes only to see she was in the same exact predicament. She couldn't stand seeing Danny so heartbroken any longer and leaned over to wrap him in a hug, Clark soon following. After a while of shushing and murmuring words of comfort, Lois gently spoke up.
"Why don't we get your things in the car and we can get on the road."
Extracting himself from their warm hold, Danny took a deep, shuttering breath before nodding.
"Okay."
"Is there anything else we need to get from the house? You have everything?"
Gripping his bag tightly to his chest, he nodded again. (3)
"Yeah. I do."
Side Note:
(1) He found out through Tucker. He'd searched through Danny's family tree for any living relatives in case Vlad ever actually managed to kill Jack or something else happened to both his parents. He just never imagined it would be for this reason specifically.
(2) Yes, she knows Danny is Phantom now. She did not know before. She found out after she tried to pin the blame for Danny's friends and family on Phantom while Danny was in earshot, and he basically blew up at her and broke down. She's horrified and feels terrible, so don't be too hard on her. The confrontation also happened on school grounds with a bunch of other kids present, so a good majority of the student body knows now, too. If not from seeing it first hand, then by word of mouth. They're keeping it hush hush so nobody with bad intentions towards ghosts comes looking for Danny. Valerie will be the main defense against any ghosts that pop up, as well as a few other kids she trained.
(3) Before he left, Danny did disable and completely dismantle the ghost portal and translated all his parent's research into a code him, Sam, and Tucker came up with before destroying the originals as well as the entire lab itself. Natural ghost portals can still pop up in Amity Park tho, since the ghost portal kinda oversaturated the town with ectoplasm. Valerie and the kids she trained are just a precaution.
Haven't come up with a title for this one yet. I'll add it later when it pops into my head though.
Funny enough, this actually isn't what I planned to write for this prompt. It did involve Danny getting adopted into the Kent family, but there was going to be something entirely different happening. Apparently, the characters had other plans. Oh well, I'll save it for the next one, I guess. It might be a second part of this, actually. We'll see!
Enjoy the angst & hurt/comfort tho!
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unboundprompts · 7 months
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Hi! I just wonder whether you can do scenarios about heavy angst? Like the character lost someone dear and is in self guilt or scenarios about fighting action?I am currently trying to improve my writing skills. 🙏 Tysm.
Angsty Prompts about Losing Someone (ft. Self Guilt)
-> feel free to edit and adjust pronouns as you see fit.
He felt like he was going to be sick. God, if only he had done something. If he hadn't frozen the way he did, if he had reacted at all, then maybe everything would be different. Maybe they would still be here. He hated himself for being so scared.
She felt hot tears prick at her eyes, a sob building up in her throat. Her chest was heavy, she couldn't breathe. She opened her mouth, desperate for air, but all that escaped was a choked a sob. Her legs crumpled beneath her, and she collapsed to the floor.
They had killed her. No matter how many times they replayed the scene over and over in their head, they couldn't convince themselves that nothing could have been done. There was always something that they could have done differently, but why hadn't they done it? If only they had done something else, then maybe they wouldn't blame themselves.
He couldn't stop the tears. The overwhelming grief and anger hit him like a truck. He didn't know what to do with these emotions, couldn't handle them all at once. His fist connected with the wall. It hurt, it hurt like hell, but as he examined his bloody knuckles through misty eyes, he didn't think twice about punching the wall again.
She had no one to blame but herself, and that made the sinking feeling in her chest all the more painful.
They had never missed someone more in their life than him. And now there was an empty, [Name]-shaped hole in their heart and they were the reason it was there. Nothing would ever come close to filling it, and they were certain they would never feel whole again.
If you like what I do and want to support me, please consider donating! I also offer editing services and other writing advice on my Ko-fi!
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thinkershipman · 1 year
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SHAUNA SHIPMAN: AN ORESTEIA
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elfcollector · 3 months
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I feel ill. All the fools and villains who ever fell for my ploys, they're — they're here!
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canthandlethishit · 3 months
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tim: the longest lasting, most stable relationship I’ve ever had is with depression
jason: mine’s spite
dick: I meant like romantic relationships but go on
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yashley · 2 months
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It’s easier with people around you. To make you feel more like you.
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