#granted most times in such cases their advice would be 'tell them to tell a trusted adult' and it's like. they cannot do that!

[lily-blue]

Prince in disguise

☆ characters: crown prince!san & florist!you ☆ genre: modern royalty au, fluff ☆ warnings: mention of a break-in ☆ summary: you like to joke about how San carries himself like a prince; one day it turns out, it’s because he’s indeed royalty ☆ words: 7,9k ☆ a/n: this story was inspired by this video of San ☆ also: merry Christmas to the lovely @restlessmaknae 💕 i wish you a peaceful holiday, so that you could regain your energy and start the new year stronger than ever ☆ massive thanks to: @dat-town for proofreading the story 💕

You often teased San about how he was the embodiment of your childhood crush, Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid. There was just something in the way he held himself, with so much effortless elegance and pride, that screamed royalty. However, up until the very moment three grown ass men in suits and sunglasses stormed into your flower shop, undoubtedly looking for him, you had never been able to decipher how he really felt about your lighthearted jokes. He definitely didn’t hate them, that much you could tell. He knew you would have stopped as soon as he showed any signs of frustration or discomfort, yet his most common reaction was a small smile and kiss on your forehead. 

It had never, not even in your wildest dreams, when you let yourself dream about your future, occurred to you that he was an actual prince. Like a real prince with a queen as a mother and a kingdom to rule.

‘Miss, I would like to kindly advise you to refrain from any form of dishonesty,’ one of the men said, his voice calm and collected despite the photo in his hands and the urgency of the issue they were dealing with. You had never given any thought to the qualities a bodyguard (a royal bodyguard!) should have possessed, but you had to admit that he must have ticked off all the boxes on that imaginary list. ‘We have been informed that the Crown Prince, in fact, entered this flower shop and he could not have possibly had enough time to leave before we came in.’

You could feel your heart picking up its rate and your palms getting clammy, but you refused to show how nervous his way of speaking made you. You also refused to think about all the negative consequences your inner need to protect San could bring you. You knew that as soon as you let your brain come up with those worst case scenarios you would fold like a folding chair. And you simply couldn’t afford to be weak.

‘Thank you for your advice, sir. However, I also need to kindly remind you that you need a warrant in case you wish to enter the staff only area,’ you stood your ground, grateful that the owner of the shop wasn’t present, so she couldn’t grant them access to the storage room. That might have put both San and you into an uncomfortable situation. ‘I have already told you that your Crown Prince is not here. You are wasting your time,’ you claimed, impressed by how calm your words came out despite the hurricane of emotions inside of you.

What would you tell your parents if you got arrested for lying to these men? It wasn’t like you were hiding a criminal, right?

‘Disobeying the Queen is considered high treason,’ the royal bodyguard stated firmly and you gulped down the knot in your throat when you realised he wasn’t talking to you. The warning was dedicated to the guy who was currently hiding behind dozens of bouquets of lilies and sunflowers for a summer themed banquet tomorrow.

‘Sir.’ You cleared your throat to gain his attention or more like, to divert his attention from the storage room’s door that he was eyeing with intent. You didn’t know what you could have done if he decided to push you aside and enter the staff only area anyway. He clearly had the muscles for that and he also had backup even if the other two men were lingering by the front door. ‘I am a South Korean citizen and we are in South Korea. With all due respect, your Queen has no power here,’ you reminded him, mustering up all the confidence that was left in your body, which wasn’t too much to be honest. You were a mere commoner standing in front of a royal bodyguard, after all. Hell, you were a petite woman in her twenties against a man who had biceps the size of a smaller melon.

In the back of your head, you wondered how long your protective instincts would take you. For the sake of San and yourself, you hoped you could hold on long enough for these men to give up and leave. If things had gone there, you didn’t know how you would have explained to your boss why you had stayed overtime on a Wednesday night.

It took time, and a horrendous amount of awkward and pressuring silence, but eventually a new customer came in and your afternoon regained some of its normality. You helped the girl choose the most suitable flowers for her confession and gave her a gift card for free partly because she was adorable and partly because you were so genuinely grateful for her presence. Her ramble about her childhood best friend slash crush had successfully taken your mind off the predicament you were in with a prince in your storage room.

Unfortunately, after that, the rest of the afternoon kept you on your tiptoes. Two of the men in black suits left, but the third bodyguard refused to leave the shop and made sure you didn’t have a moment of peace with his countless questions and polite warnings of which quite a few were meant for San. At least, you honestly doubted his intention was to appeal to your emotions when he brought up the people of their nation, their well-being and the well-being of the royal couple. As much as you could tell from the morsels you actually understood - at one point the guard started to speak the same language San spoke when he was frustrated -, San’s parents were healthy, but his father was too drained to keep ruling the country for much longer. They wanted him to go back and be the king he had always been meant to be. They wanted him to settle down and have his own heirs.

The latter felt like a fist in the gut, like a knife in the stomach even though your translation’s accuracy was heavily dependent on context clues, so you might have been wrong.

You hoped you were wrong.

‘Sir, we are closing. I have to ask you to leave,’ you spoke up ten minutes before eight and let out a relieved sigh when he didn’t argue. You could handle his ice cold stares, but you were doubtful whether you would have had the energy to get into a fight after hours of cold war. His presence alone had drained you dry and honestly, the only things that kept you going were the knowledge that you were doing this for San and the cinnamon rolls from the vintage coffee shop across the street. They closed at ten, so they usually weren’t out of sweets when you visited them at the end of your most tiresome days.

A little paranoid that the bodyguard might have been still lingering out there, waiting for the moment when you foolishly let your guard down, you busied yourself with the online orders that came in in the last hour and stock checked the customer area. It took almost one and a half hours before you informed San that the coast was clear.

The boy walked out from the storage room with his lower lip between his teeth and a rather embarrassed smile on his face that - based on the months you had spent getting to know each other more - was meant to be reassuring.

‘Are you okay?’ San asked, warmth swelling in your chest due to his first words. Of course, your well-being was his top priority. His apologies and weak attempts at making excuses, so you wouldn’t have been mad at him always came second. ‘I’m so sorry.’

You clenched and unclenched your fists as you looked at him. Did he seriously believe that you could be angry with him for longer than a couple of minutes? You had gotten to know the truth hours ago. You were over the initial shock and done being sulky.

At that point, you just wanted him to be safe.

Therefore, you destroyed the distance between the two of you and not giving a damn about his title, you wrapped your arms around his torso, pulling him impossibly close to your body. You could feel your cheek being squeezed as you rested your head on his chest.

‘Are you okay?’ You threw the question right back at him, feeling your heart picking up its rate with each second that passed you by in silence.

San’s lips were soft against your scalp when he kissed the top of your head and wrapped his own arms around your petite frame.

‘Thank you,’ he mumbled against your hair, his tone urging you to pull away and look him in the eyes, hence that was what you did. You pulled away with your hands still around his body and rested your chin on his chest, picking apart his facial expression as you tried to decipher what he was thinking.

Your breath hitched when he pressed his lips against yours briefly.

‘I promise I will explain everything,’ he said, his forehead fitting close to yours before he lifted his right hand and brushed a stubborn lock behind your ear. ‘But first, I need to take care of a few things. Important things,’ he claimed and with that - and another tender kiss pressed against your parted lips - he was gone.

You looked after him in trance for minutes before you shook your head and willed yourself to walk in the storage room to finish the stock checking. There was a cinnamon roll waiting for you at the coffee shop across the street.

You hadn’t heard from San that night, which was a tad bit alarming considering that he was living in your apartment unofficially for over a month. He had his own clothes at yours, his own towel, shower gel, shampoo and toothbrush. You had his favourite plant-based milk in your fridge along with his favourite instant coffee. His mug that matched yours was in your cabinet, waiting for him to come home. So why hadn’t he? The number of possibilities made you anxious.

What if those men had found him and he was already out of the country?

By the time the second night of radio silence rolled by, you were checking your phone abnormally frequently and couldn’t stay focused for longer than five or six minutes. It came to a point where even the Thai series you were currently obsessed with couldn’t keep you on the couch. You had to move around, clean up something, do something, anything that might have been able to take your mind off San’s absence. 

You almost knocked off the half-empty mug of hot chocolate from the kitchen counter, the marshmallows still in your hands, when your front door opened out of the blue. You threw the sweets into your drink with a yelp and grabbed the first potential weapon that you came across: the cutting board you kept behind the knife organiser.

‘I have 112 on speed dial,’ you threatened, lowkey wondering whether you should have been more daring and grabbed one of the knives as you walked towards your bedroom, not turning your back to the front door. There should have been a key in the lock from the inside. You should have been safe once you reached the bedroom.

‘Well, that’s good to know, but why are we calling the police?’ A very tired, very amused San asked from the threshold, walking into the open space of your living room slash dining room with a bag of takeout in his hand.

You could feel the rocks being lifted off your chest.

‘Are you crazy? San! You scared the shit out of me,’ you accused, more relieved than angry. Seeing his tired eyes, you were reminded of the bodyguards and wanted to run up to him and inspect his body for injuries. You wanted to make sure he was okay; however, your limbs were frozen, hence you just stood there like a way too realistic statue from Ancient Rome.

Then, your gaze fell on the plastic bags in his hands again and your brain supplied you with all the worst case scenarios it could come up with: San coming over for a last minute farewell dinner before he moved countries; San asking you to change your relationship status to long-distance relationship; San breaking up with you with your favourite black bean noodles. You weren’t ready to let him go after putting so much effort into winning him over.

‘I’m sorry, petal. I thought you would know it’s me. After all, there aren’t many people who know your passcode and your parents are out of town,’ he said. There was something in the way he broke the situation down to you that made you feel a little dramatic. Of course, you should have known it was him. Other than your mom and your best friend, he was the only one who had access to your apartment.

You pressed your lips together and pouted. He had no right to make you feel silly when your survival instincts were the ones to blame.

‘What are the noodles for?’ You asked as soon as you put yourself together, finally finding the power to move your legs and walk up to him. The furrow between San’s eyebrows and the confusion in his eyes shouldn’t have been so adorable.

‘It’s Thursday. You never have energy to cook on Thursdays and Fridays,’ he explained, like you were some kind of alien who wasn’t accustomed to the local habits yet or a person who had just woken up from years of coma. He must have thought that your question was so damn ridiculous, but it wasn’t what you had meant.

‘You didn’t come home yesterday,’ you said, stubbornly refusing to acknowledge the whiny edge of your statement and the fact that San had his own place to sleep at. His lease wouldn’t expire for at least three more months, so you hadn’t moved in together yet. You had no right to call him to account regarding his whereabouts and still, after what had happened the day before, you kind of felt like you had.

You took the bags out of his hands and helped him unpack the still pleasantly lukewarm food. You also started to prepare a mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows for him, too, without asking whether he wanted some. He never said no for hot chocolate.

‘I was with Wooyoung,’ he said, filling a tray with numerous tiny bowls containing various side dishes such as kimchi and yellow radish. ‘I needed his help to contact my oldest cousin, Seonghwa.’

You nodded along with every new revelation, paying close attention to every detail while you slid San’s drink towards him on the dining table. It was your first time hearing about any of his family members, at least from him, so you were admittedly curious.

Even though the trays on the table made it obvious that San’s initial intention was to have this conversation on the couch, you didn’t move an inch from your poor excuse for a dining room. You just stood there, with your elbows on the marble, one of your soles resting on the inner side of your other leg and dove into your food with a pair of wooden chopsticks. You didn’t take your eyes off San while he told you everything about his situation.

‘I left the country with Woonyoung’s family when I was fourteen,’ he started, assuring you that he wasn’t a runaway prince per se, and that he had never hid from his parents. Both the queen and the king of their country knew how to reach him in case of emergency, teenager San had just convinced himself that that day would never come as his parents had never bothered to contact him after he had moved out of the palace. With years of neglect behind his back, his adult-self never thought about the possibility that things might have changed.

You placed your hand on top of his and squeezed it as a sign of your support. You were afraid that he would interpret your sympathy as pity, therefore you tried your best to keep your emotions in check. Instead, you gave San all of your attention, hot chocolate momentarily forgotten.

‘Would you like to go back? Now that it’s an option?’ You mustered up the courage to tear off one of the band-aids; the unsaid inquiry whether he wanted to become a king in the first place hiding between the lines. Somehow, it sounded such an insensitive question, you didn’t have the heart to phrase yours like that despite your curiosity. Therefore, you decided to focus on the fact that the royal couple was his parents. ‘To see your mom and dad?’

After a few seconds of contemplation, San shrugged.

‘I guess so,’ he said and you hated yourself for feeling disappointed. They were his parents. Of course, he wanted to see them again. Who were you in comparison to his family? Without much thought, you took your hand off his; however, San didn’t hesitate to reach after it and intertwined your fingers with a soft smile. ‘But that can wait until Seonghwa’s coronation. It’s been over a decade since we’ve last seen each other. A few more months is no big deal if it means they will let me come back to you.’

As touching as it was that he was willing to delay their reunion to be able to stay with you, your first instinct was to remind him that he was his own person and no one had more power over his life than him. But then you swallowed down the words as your brain caught up with the situation. You might have been absolutely right about this matter in general, but San was a prince. Clearly, general rules didn’t apply to him.

‘What do you mean Seonghwa’s coronation?’ You tried to fill in the holes that made it hard for you to fully comprehend the situation. You thought he was the next in line to rule. You definitely remembered the bodyguard referring to him as the Crown Prince.

‘Well, that’s the most important part of our plan,’ he started, pushing the food closer to you, encouraging you to start eating before it got cold. Albeit reluctantly, you eventually gave in, allowing him to steal himself a couple of seconds as well as he dove into the perfect mixture of noodles and red bean sauce.

Then, he proceeded to tell you about the plan they had made with Woonyoung and six of their mutual friends including his cousin and Seonghwa’s personal bodyguard, Jongho. Since San didn’t wish to become the new ruler of their country, but knew that his parents wouldn’t back off without a fight, they intended to prove to them that Seonghwa was the better choice in every aspect: maturity, dedication towards his people and the country, connections, political and economical knowledge. The way he presented their idea and backed up each one of his reasons made even you think that Seonghwa was more fitting for the role. It made you feel hopeful.

‘Do you think your parents will let you give up the crown?’ You couldn’t help but ask when it became obvious that he didn’t have anything more to say.

The silence that followed was palpable. Still, you let him drag it out and pull you into his lap, so he could wrap his arms around you instead of giving you a definite answer. Now you knew that he wasn’t close to his parents - that their relationship could only have been described as distant. Making guesses based on childhood memories would have just given you false hope. You much preferred his soothing touches and the desperation in the way he held you close.

‘I love you,’ he murmured into the juncture between your neck and shoulder, hinting the soft and sensitive area with feather-like kisses.

You sucked in your lower lip, holding your breath. Even though his actions had shown you, even before you two had gotten together, that you were an important person in San’s life, the two of you had never exchanged I love yous before. As much as you hated to acknowledge, it had a bittersweet undertone to it. You wished you could have told him how precious he was to you under different circumstances.

Nevertheless, you said it back.

‘I love you, too. So much.’

That night you eventually relocated to the living room and got comfortable under your fluffy blankets on the couch. You had two mugs of freshly made hot chocolate with you - this time, without marshmallows to lower your already high sugar intake - and some salty snacks you could munch on while you talked. And you talked a lot. You talked about the day before, how the bodyguards had found him and how serious their threats had been. San was almost sure that his parents would have never imprisoned him for high treason if he had refused to go home willingly. By the way his lips curled upwards and his eyes gouged your reaction, you knew he was only trying to lighten the mood with a joke, but it was too early, hence it wasn’t funny. Life imprisonment with a cheap excuse was exactly how they could have kept him in the country! How could San not see it?

‘Don’t even think about joking about this again, you hear me? It’s not funny,’ you scoffed when he tried to ease you with lingering kisses atop of your head, temple and on your blade bone. Him disappearing on you just wasn’t it.

‘I promise.’ He nosed your temple, holding you in his arms a big tighter to make up for the anxiety he had unintentionally caused. ‘I’m sorry,’ he added, repeating it like a mantra until he successfully coaxed a chuckle out of you.

With the show you had been watching before his arrival as your background noise and his warmth surrounding your body, you fell asleep on San’s shoulder while he was talking about Seonghwa’s bodyguard, karaoke, imported beer and apples. If anyone had asked you, you were sure you would have failed to draw the connection between all four, but you knew your boyfriend would have never used your tiredness against you. On the contrary, he would have been grateful that you still felt safe in his arms.

And you did. You did feel safe. Because for you, he was your home.

In the back of your mind, you were aware that your story wouldn’t end up being a fairy-tale, and that even those had some dark twists to them here and there when they were told by the original authors. Still, coming home for a messed up apartment and no San in sight knocked the air out of your lungs. No matter how much you tried to rationalise the happenings or keep your cool, panic overcame you in a matter of seconds. You didn’t know what to do. Would calling the police have made things worse? What if it had been those bodyguards? You didn’t intend to put San into a tight position in case the pitiful state of your home was a consequence of their family quarrel.

On the other hand, what if he had been kidnapped? You had left work pretty late that night, so there was a possibility that San had been home when things had escalated.

Hands shaking and mind pushed into an overdrive, you fished your phone out of the bag you had previously dropped on the floor and dialled San’s number. He didn’t pick up, so you did the next best thing you could think about without losing it: you called him again. Again. And again.

You called him as many times as it was necessary for him to answer your call, his calm voice breaking something in you as your knees gave out as soon as his greeting reached you and you fell on the floor, crying.

‘Hey, what’s wrong?’ When you sniffed into the phone instead of answering, his voice lost its calmness. ‘Petal, what’s happening? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?’

You weren’t hurt, not physically at least. But the chaotic mess your mental state was in was secondary to the fact that San sounded to be oblivious of the intrusion into your home.

‘Please, petal, talk to me,’ he tried to coax you and while it didn’t work immediately, when he started to do a breathing exercise, you automatically mimicked the way he sucked the air into his lungs. In through your nose, out through your mouth. In through your nose, out through your mouth.

‘Where are you?’ The words felt like sand on the tip of your tongue, your urge to know for sure that he was in public or at least among people who could help him in case of emergency pushing all your other worries aside.

‘I’m with the guys at Wooyoung’s place. Do you need me to pick you up? Where are you? I will pick you up,’ San said, the distant sound of keys chiming and wood cracking assuring you that he was ready to leave as soon as you gave him the sign. Hell, he might have left the boys without you explicitly asking for it considering the worry in his voice.

But as comforting as the thought was, you didn’t want him anywhere near your apartment.

‘No!’ You objected, maybe a tad bit too vehemently for which you might have felt awkward under different circumstances. Now, emotions like shame and embarrassment were at the end of your priority list. ‘Can I visit you instead? I promise I’ll tell you everything in person,’ you negotiated. Not realising that you were holding your breath, a relieved sigh escaped through your pressed lips when San chose to withhold his questions for the time being.

Some matters were wiser to discuss in person. Matters that could put you in a tight position if anyone found evidence about your scheming. Especially when you were up against an opponent so powerful, they had the resources of actual royalty.

Looking around in your fucked up apartment, without your heart threatening to explode in your ribcage, you knew you didn’t want to take unnecessary risks. You had to be smart about your next move.

You showed up at Wooyoung’s place an hour later with one sports bag packed with your most necessary belongings and was greeted with a worried San who didn’t understand why you would have brought your entire bathroom cabinet to his best friend’s apartment when you loved your home. You definitely had a lot to unpack, both literally and figuratively.

‘I can’t believe they’re willing to go this far,’ a guy with sharp eyes and nose said, the same guy who had taken it upon himself to bring you a mug of herbal tea when you made yourself comfortable on Wooyoung’s couch. His name was Hongjoong or something similar if you remembered correctly. ‘I start to think that we might have underestimated them a little.’

‘A little?’ Two or three of San’s friends asked in chorus at the same time San lifted his head up from your shoulder and said:

‘I doesn’t matter. Our plan is good, they’ll have no other choice but to go along with it.’

Just by looking at his friends, you couldn’t tell whether they actually believed what San had said, but it was clear as day that they believed in your boyfriend, hence you leaned against his broad chest and let yourself relax. Neither San nor you were alone in this. You had allies and strategies. You had a good plan, and even if that failed, you had options. San’s parents might have been powerful, they could clearly break into your home to scare you, but they had no real authority in Korea.

A voice in the back of your head also reminded you that you lived in the era of social media. You doubted they would have risked bad publicity by pushing their son too much and causing irreversible damage to those he cherished. Or so you hoped.

‘Our plan is good, but will princess Yuna actually agree to go along with it?’ Another guy, whose name you hadn’t memorised yet, asked, his question piquing your interest. It was the first time you heard about this princess and with your obsession with Asian dramas, you did not like the first scenarios your brain threw at you as it tried to fill in the gaps. Who was she? Why was she an important part of the plan? Was she interested in San?

‘Actually, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about before petal came. She said yes,’ San said, the hollering and overflowing happiness in the room making you feel weird, like something wasn’t quite right with the situation: like you were missing something crucial that would have given you a perfect explanation for the odd reaction the news received.

With naturally pouty lips and furrowed eyebrows, you placed your hands on your lap along with the pleasantly warm mug and turned towards San. His smile was so beautiful. He was genuinely happy about the progress they had made now that this princess was on board.

‘Who is she?’ You asked, mentally reminding yourself that you were San’s girlfriend. You had every right to ask him about this girl until you remained clear-headed and didn’t throw a temper tantrum for no reason.

‘She is the most sought out unmarried royalty in Asia. Her family’s country is very small, but their economic power is remarkable.’ Hongjoong said.

‘She is two years older than San, but they’ve known each other since they were babies, so he’s allowed to talk to her informally. Her kindness isn’t just for show, she really is the most warm-hearted royalty I’ve ever met,’ Wooyoung added before his wide grin turned into a frown. ‘She never lets me talk to her informally, though. Like I haven’t known her for just as long.’

‘Yeah, she’s so unfair.’ Yeosang’s voice was teasing as he altered it to sound more mocking: like Wooyoung’s but a pitch higher. ‘It’s not because you called her Yuna in front of a bunch of politicians when she explicitly told you to use her birth name when people other than your family were present.’ The bombastic side eye the blond boy gave to Wooyoung almost made you laugh. Almost.

You had to admit, this princess Yuna sounded pretty amazing. Gosh. You were such a horrible person.

San must have sensed your inner turmoil, because the next thing you noticed was the light touch of the tip of his nose against your cheek and his pillowy lips against your jawline.

‘She’s also Seonghwa’s fiancée,’ he murmured, placing one of his warm palms on the other side of your face, so that he could turn your head a bit more and make you look at him. You gulped, more shy than nervous. ‘That’s what she said yes to. Seonghwa proposed to her a few hours ago.’

You sucked in your lower lip, but before you could have done any damage, San pulled it out from between your teeth with his thumb; the fondness in his eyes simultaneously took your breath away and made you feel unworthy of his love. How could you have seriously thought that he would have included someone in their plan - felt so happy about her joining their team - if she had any interest in him romantically?

‘So it’s not a fake marriage?’ You inquired, coaxing a small laugh out of your boyfriend. His eyes almost disappeared because of the pure amusement on his face. It didn’t take long before you gave into the urge to hide your own in the crook of his neck.

Going easy on you, San semi-successfully bit back a chuckle and put his chin atop of your head, stroking your hair.

‘No, it’s not a fake marriage. They’ve also known each other since childhood, obviously. And they’re pretty much in love,’ he reassured you, letting you have all the time in the world if that was what you needed to be able to look him in the eyes again.

Fortunately, you didn’t need that much to get over the fact that you were only human; a girl with fears and insecurities. The herbal tea in your mug was still pleasantly lukewarm when you pulled away and straightened your back.

‘So cute,’ San whispered, pressing a soft peck against your lips before he helped you readjust your position on his lap, so you wouldn’t hurt your neck too much with the way your body was twisted and turned to be able to be chest to chest to him.

‘Oh, stop that!’ Wooyoung’s frustrated voice came from somewhere beside you, your brain not registering that he was teasing, or that he was talking to you until he said: ‘One royal wedding will be shocking enough for your parents. I don’t think they will be able to handle two.’

Failing to disregard the sudden attention on you, your cheeks became warmer and more pink with each second; however, you refused to seek comfort in the crook of San’s neck because you just knew that would have made things worse. You concentrated on your tea instead, on the feel of the porcelain against your clammy palms, on the fluffy blanket on your thighs. On everything and anything that wasn’t your boyfriend or his friends.

‘You’re making her shy,’ one of the boys cooed and some other joined, pushing your heart to the verge of an explosion. You didn’t realise that your hands were trembling until San slid his fingers between yours around your mug and leaned close to your ear.

‘Let’s kick Wooyoung out of his bedroom. I know where the clean sheets are, and it can be locked from the inside,’ he whispered, his lips curling upwards, therefore grazing along your earlobe. You hesitated only for a split second before you nodded.

You got up from the couch and let your boyfriend lead you towards his friend’s bedroom. As the key turned in the lock the thought crossed your mind that you had never done anything so scandalising before, but somehow the immense amount of guilt never came. Instead, you felt excited.

Excited, hopeful and safe in San’s arms.

You were arranging a bouquet of light pink carnations and peach-coloured buttercups for an anniversary when San walked out of the storage room at your workplace with a new roll of lace wrapping and his phone in his hands. With the way he dragged his feet, walking impossibly slowly, you just knew that his eyes were glued to the small screen; you didn’t need to tear your gaze away from the flowers that had your attention to be a hundred percent sure.

‘Have they started it already?’ You inquired between two twists and turns, holding the whole bouquet together with practised ease even when you had to take the wrapping from San with one of your hands. You still remembered how many you had dropped on the floor during your first few months at the flower shop. The number of flowers that had gotten destroyed in your care haunted you up to this day.

‘No, they’ve been focusing on mother and father so far. Mostly on father, but that’s kind of understandable,’ he said, your lips twitching at the mention of the royal couple.

Prince Seonghwa and Princess Yuna’s wedding had been a week ago and while you hadn’t attended the event, nor had done San, your boyfriend’s parents had made it to their mission to put you through anxiety when they had demanded to talk to you as soon as San had picked up the phone for them the day his cousin had announced the big news. They hadn’t gone as far as to threaten you or bribe you with more money than your type could comprehend, but you were well aware they didn’t think you were worthy of their son. God, they had quite literally told you he could have done much better.

‘Last minutes being a king. I wonder how he feels about that,’ you commented, putting in a bit of extra effort to not sound rude. You didn’t want San to think you hated his father even if, rightfully so, he hadn’t been your favourite person in the world.

‘I don’t think he minds it that much. He was only twenty-two when he took the throne. Three decades is a long time,’ he explained while he leaned the phone against a vase on the counter and put a part of his weight on his palms that laid flat against the marble. ‘The only thing he might be upset about is Seonghwa taking my place.’

You regretted the snort the moment you did it. Your hands froze around the perfectly wrapped bouquet and so did the air, which made it hard to look your boyfriend in the eye.

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be disrespectful,’ you apologised, putting the flowers in water before you took San’s hand in yours. ‘They are your parents and I’ll be forever grateful to them for your existence. For sending you to this country out of all the countries they could choose from.’ You shot a small albeit genuine smile in his direction. It might have sounded a little cheesy, but you meant every word. Without them you would have never had him.

‘I’m not mad at you,’ he reassured you, squeezing your hand and pressing a soft kiss atop of your shoulder blade before he turned back to his phone and you reached for the next pieces of flowers. You had five more bouquets to finish before your lunch break.

Seonghwa’s coronation officially started when your bibimbap was still in need of some more mixing, but that didn’t keep you from leaning closer to San’s phone and watching the live stream with more excitement than you had had for his father. You might have never spoken to your boyfriend’s cousin before, but you had heard enough stories about him from the boys to know he would be an amazing king. Mostly, because he cared for his people and because he genuinely wanted the responsibility that came with the title.

‘He looks like a leader. So serious-looking,’ you commented, shoving a huge spoonful of food in your mouth and humming in appreciation because goodness, it tasted just like your mom’s homemade bibimbap.

You lifted a bite in front of San’s mouth, so he could try it, too.

You watched the ceremony in complete silence; sometimes you fed him, sometimes you put your head on his shoulder while munching. It was nice. You hadn’t been so content in weeks if not in months.

‘Aren’t you disappointed?’ San asked you after the crown was put on Seonghwa’s head and the sovereign’s sceptre and the sovereign’s orb were placed in his hands.

You furrowed your brows in confusion.

‘About what? The ceremony?’ You asked, completely oblivious of what was going on in his head. You jutted out your lower lip; you didn’t like feeling as though you were kept in the dark. It made you feel stupid.

San shook his head, failing to hide the fond smile that was in the corner of his mouth.

‘Yuna is officially a queen now,’ he mumbled and despite how embarrassing it was to admit, it took you a couple of seconds to decipher what he was hinting at: you could have become a queen, too, if only he had gone along with a different plan, with a different goal in mind. You were pretty sure, based on your impactful experience with his parents, that they would have let him keep you if the other option was their nephew on the throne.

‘And you’re officially free. I think it’s an amazing day for everyone,’ you teased, gifting your boyfriend one of your happiest smiles, so that he wouldn’t have doubted that you loved him for who he was instead of what he could have become. You didn’t care about the title or the fortune that golden crown came with. Honestly, all you focused on was how heavy it must have been to carry it, especially when one wasn’t keen on looking after an entire nation.

One careful glance at San was enough for you to know that a well-thought-out retort was already on the tip of his tongue - maybe something along the line that his salary was barely enough to save up a decent amount in each month -, but he never got the opportunity to actually put his concerns into words. The bells above the front door cut him off and naturally, your conversation came to a momentary end.

The new customer was a middle-aged man with a little girl on his right, her tiny hand getting lost in her father’s much bigger one before she pointed at one of the peonies and the man let her explore the flower shop on her own.

‘Good afternoon, sir. How can I help you?’ You greeted the man with a smile as soon as his steps came to a halt in front of the counter.

Like most people who visited your workplace, the man had only vague ideas of what he was looking for, but you were fluent in the language of flowers, hence it caused you no headache to help him find the most suitable bouquet for his wife’s birthday. He wanted something that expressed his dedication to make the woman smile, therefore, you gave him options like pink tulips and yellow flowers in general.

Meanwhile, the little girl pulled on the hem of San’s tee and didn’t let go of the fabric until he stood up and followed her towards the customer area that you liked to refer to as the jungle. The corner with the spiller plants for example were like a sight from a botanical book or the children’s book with the gorillas and the little boy taken in and raised by said wild animals.

You bit back a giggle when you saw San lifting the little girl up, so that she could see the red roses from up close; however, your subtle smile froze on your face anyway when the little one asked San:

‘Are you a prince?’ In the most innocent voice you had ever heard in your life. She was so pure. She clearly had no idea what she was talking about and yet, both of you needed a few seconds to realise she wasn’t onto something bigger than her - something that could have put her in harm’s way. ‘Can I be your princess?’

The mortification on her father’s face almost cracked you up, and you did chuckle discretely when looking up, you took a better look at the girl. What looked like a summer dress at first glance turned out to be a princess costume. She even had a tiny, plastic tiara on her head.

San put her on the ground and crouched down to be at eye level with her.

‘I’m sorry, princess, I would be honoured to become your prince, but you see, I already have my own princess and I need to treat her right,’ he explained with utmost patience, then took the little girl’s hand in his (with her permission and her father’s approving nod, of course) and pressed a feather-like kiss on the back of it. ‘Will you forgive me and keep my secret?’

You couldn’t see the little girl’s face, but she was shifting her weight from one foot to the other, so your best guess would have been that she wasn’t entirely placated. Still, eventually she nodded and made grabby hands at your boyfriend, insisting that she wanted to see more of the flowers. That, you did not mind at all. In fact, you found it rather adorable.

(San with a tiny human being in his arms was adorable. They turned your legs jelly and your knees uncharacteristically weak.)

‘I’m sorry about Minah. They had Occupation day in school today and she insisted that being a princess is a full-time job, so her mother and I let her dress as one,’ the man explained and you shook your head with an endeared smile. You weren’t mad at his daughter nor were you jealous of the attention she got from your boyfriend. If anything, his willingness to humour her made you fall for San harder.

‘Minah is right. Being a princess is a full-time job,’ you said without contemplating whether your words sounded ridiculous, although before the whole royal guard incident, you would have thought she was childish, rightfully so. She couldn’t have been older than seven.

You didn’t talk much with the customer after that, but you didn’t mind the silence. It gave you the perfect opportunity to listen to San’s conversation with the little girl, which was just as hilarious as cheesy, especially when you caught him declaring his love for you with such vehemency as if real-life princes also needed to defeat magical creatures to protect their loved ones. Where was their debate about good dragons and bad dragons coming from?

A light shade of pink crept up your cheeks when the little girl asked San straightforwardly whether he was talking about you, but you tried to remain composed.

‘It’ll be 30,000₩, sir,’ you informed the customer with a customer-service smile and gave him the bouquet before you took his money; the exchange smooth and fast. The prices were written on the board above your head, right behind the counter; however, some people liked to criticise your craft in hope of a discount. Those customers never failed to make you feel anxious.

‘Thank you. It’s beautiful,’ the man complimented the arrangement before he bid his goodbye and turned towards his daughter. ‘Minah-yah! It’s time to go. Say goodbye.’

Albeit reluctantly, the little girl wrapped her arms around San’s right leg and hugged him. Then, like a real princess, she walked up to you and did a curtsy, which you returned with a few-second-long delay. You were too taken aback to react immediately.

You were still a little shocked when the door closed shut behind the two, but then San hugged you from behind and reality caught up with you. You melted against his broad chest.

‘She was cute,’ he commented, coaxing a hum out of you.

Closing your eyes and letting out a content sigh, in the back of your mind you knew that you still had a very serious conversation on hold. A conversation in which your boyfriend would tell you over and over again why he wasn’t enough: how he had barely enough savings, hence how you couldn’t possibly depend on him in financial emergencies. Like money was the most important thing in a relationship! Like you didn’t have your own savings.

Turning around in his arms, you linked your arms behind his neck and pressed your soft lips against his. You wished these gestures were proof that his heart of gold had won you over years ago; that you didn’t wish to become a queen and even if you did, you didn’t need the title because he already treated you like royalty. He was everything - kind-hearted, attentive, loyal and so much more - and you wouldn’t have changed a thing in your lives. 

Crown Prince or not, San made you happy and excited about the future. About your future. Even if you had a long way to go and might have had numerous battles to march into to earn his parents’ approval.

the end.

#san x reader #san x you #choi san x reader #choi san x you #ateez scenarios #modern royalty au #ateez fluff #ssbyme

[thesensteawitch]

How Does Your Spirit Guides See You?🤍👁️‍🗨️

Pick A Pile

(Left to Right- Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3)

Hello Senstea Souls!

In this reading, you'll learn how your spirit guides see you and what message they have for you. Feel free to pick more than one pile if your intuition says so. Take what resonates and leave what doesn't.

Feel free to message me in case of any tarot reading related questions :⁠-⁠)

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Pile 1

The color your spirit guides associate you with: Yellow

My beautiful pile 1, there's a very strong message coming from your spirit guides which I would like to spill first. They want you to know that they see you as someone rare. You are one of a kind. To them, you're one of the most attractive beings on Earth. They love you for your grounded spirit. They love your brain. You may look intimidating to others but from within you're such a child. I sense strong Sagittarius and Libra placements. Your spirit guides are very protective of you. They see you as someone who will never let the scales go imbalanced. They see you as someone artistic with the capability to fill the souls of the world with art, metaphors, and colors. You're so strong to them that no matter what happens they know that you can turn your hurt into an artistic masterpiece. I am getting a strong victorious vibe from the pile. They adore how no one can ever take away the kindness that you possess. No amount of pain can make you empty of love. Wow, beautiful! One day you'll hold a prestigious position in life all on your own. That's where you are headed and that's where your spirit guides are helping you get to. Who says we come empty-handed? You are walking this Earth with a bag full of something to give to the world. Surprisingly, it's never empty. It never fails to give. They see you as someone who learns from life no matter what. You consider yourself to be the eternal student of life. Your pieces of advice are precious. Your spirit guides see you becoming a great teacher or inspiration for others. This is unusual but they love your colored hair. And if you don't have your hair colored then take it as a sign to get them colored. It would suit you. Some shade of blue or pink. Your spirit guides want to tell you that nothing is set in stone for you so you can always change your path and you'll only learn something new that will eventually help you in serving your greater purpose. I hear, “And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you dear. Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close?” Wow! What a beautiful message. Some spirit guides may be lovers from your past lives or loved ones who have passed away. They love you very much!

Pile 2

The color your spirit guides associate you with: Blue/Green

Hello my beautiful pile 2. The straightaway message from your spirit guides is that they know that you know what you are doing. Your spirit guides see you as a very aware and alert being. They love that you know what you wish for and what is the intention behind the wish. They see how hardworking you are and you don't take your achievements for granted. You recognize them and give yourself credit for your own hard work. They sometimes see you getting tempted by worldly matters but at the same time with your strength, you pull yourself back from the hell hole and can balance things out. They see that you are emotionally attached to your materialistic achievements. They see you as someone who has no shortage of ideas. Great and achievable ideas keep coming to you. Because of your strong mind, you can manifest the desired outcomes. Your spirit guides know that you don't know when to stop. You'll probably keep working till the end of your life and will keep achieving things. In their eyes, you are an overachiever. Your spirit guides sometimes test you to see if you'll fall into the temptations of materialistic pursuits. They want you to learn detachment from the results. Because in life you'll get disappointed. And they don't want you to struggle when you receive a rejection or a failure. They want you to cherish the work you put in. Because they adore the quality in you to rebuild things and take care of the minute details in every project. They love how you make sure nothing misses your sight. They see that there is an air of mystery around you. You don't show every side of yours to everyone. If someone knows one then the other knows another. You've come a long way from feeling small to feeling accomplished. Your spirit guides want you to know that you are not alone they are always with you. They want you to be honest and not hide your true self from the world. Don't block your emotions thinking that they don't exist. Don't let work distract you to the extent that you forget why you even started in the first place. Don't let your emotions be the price you pay to get your thirst quenched. They know you can achieve anything you put your mind to but your spirit guides are only asking you to not ignore your social life. Take it as a sign and call an old friend.

Pile 3

The color your spirit guides associate you with: Gray/Red/Orange

Hello, my dear pile 3. Your spirit guides feel so sorry for you. They have been sending messages to you. They see that you have choices but you always choose the road that is going to bring suffering you. You burden your soul with the decision you have been consistently making. They see your fear. They see you getting overwhelmed and losing hope. You say that you are committed to something but over and over again you have been making a terrible choice. A choice that seems easier but is heavier on your mind, body, and soul. It's pure torture. You are choosing to take the responsibility of the world on your shoulders. You are performing takes which are impossible for a human being to carry for their whole life. You are trying to achieve everything at once. They see your wishes and they too want them to come true. But they want you to take one thing at a time. You are ignoring the fact that the tasks you think can be managed can't be. They want you to know that you can do ANYTHING in your life but not EVERYTHING. Especially not all at once. There's no doubt that you work so hard but they want you to put that hard work only on one goal or a maximum of two at a time. Not more than that. They are going crazy trying to tell you this. Now you have brought havoc in your own life. Through chaos, you will learn. They see you as someone very stubborn. All these qualities are of an achiever. The only problem is that you are not focused on one task or else you would have achieved a goal by now or at least would have seen the desired outcome. They see that you are indecisive and are afraid to take a decision. You need an adventure or a break to find your true purpose. Currently, your spirit guides see you as someone with so much potential and they don't want it to be wasted. I hear, “I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror. It's me Hi, I am the problem it's me.” They know you can do it. Your spirit guides want you to know that they stand with you during this test of time. They know you can make it through it.

#spirit guides #spirit guidance #message from spirit #pick a pile tarot #pick a pile #pick a pile reading #tarot tumblr #tarot reader #tarot cards #tarot reading #signs from the universe #tarotblr #tarotcommunity #message for the collective

[gatorbites-imagines]

Hi, I was wondering if you would be up to writing for the moon boys for me this time around?

Maybe their partner is suffering from C-PTSD and them all trying to help ease the pain of it in their own special ways?

Please don’t feel any pressure to write this if you aren’t comfy with it or just don’t want to.

Ps. Thank you for the TwoFace fic. It was everything I was hoping for.

Steven Grant, Marc Spector, Jake Lockley x Male reader

Headcanons

I don’t have C-PTSD myself, so I had to look up the symptoms, so if anything is wrong that’s most likely why. I decided to part it up to how each of the boys would act, instead of just making it one big block of text. Talks of DID in this are based off what little I know, so if anything is wrong let me know.

Steven Grant

Steven has always been the one to care about the rest of the moonsystem emotionally, so he would be the best when it comes to you experiencing horrible feelings, like struggling with controlling your emotions, or even suicidal thoughts.

He is very understanding if you ever need time for yourself, and is willing to listen if you need to talk. Even if you just need him to sit beside you if you have a panic attack or dissociate. This also means he’s the best at talking you down from a panic attack or if you ever get paranoid.

Since the other members of the moonsystem, and even himself sometimes, deal with similar struggles, he would never judge you. Anything you need that could help you feel more comfortable or safe in yourself and with them, he happily does.

He would never demand to know why you struggle, as he knows your past is your own and you’ll share it when them when you are comfortable. And if you do, he listens and thanks you for telling them. All in all, Steven is very understanding, loving and will always listen.

Marc Spector

Like Jake, Marc carries his own trauma that has affected the way he lives, so he can understand your experiences to some degree. This means if you have certain triggers or needs to help deal with yours, he never questions it and just goes along with it.

He reassures you that you aren’t broken, or wrong, and that they love you no matter what. He knows words wont always help, but he tells you anyways, as well as being a quieter but strong presence that you can lean against if you need it.

Marc doesn’t talk as much as Steven when it comes to these things, but hes better than Jake in that department, having his own type of advice or talking that helps you settle if things get too tough. It can even just be him talking about his day if you need it.

They all keep an eye out for you, but especially Marc. He doesn’t want you to ever feel like you have nowhere to go and no one to trust, so he always keeps an eye out in case you start to struggle with dark thoughts or the likes, as he doesn’t want you to suffer the same ways he has.

Jake Lockley

Jake is the one who struggles the most with symptoms of his own that are similar to your own. But instead of reacting loudly or rashly, he tends to retreat into himself and put on a tough cold and violent front to protect the other two, and after you all get together, you as well.

He holds most of the moonsystems trauma, as he always fronted when the abuse got too horrible when they were children, or if situations get way too outta hand. This means he carries most of the trauma from it, as he keeps it from the other two.

Where the others like to talk if you need it, or help talk you through your struggles, Jake is more a silent support. He sits with you, holds your hand, or holds you close if you need it. He lets you vent if you ever need it, but he’s never been the best at words so he can’t comfort you or talk you down the same way Steven can. But just the fact that he’s always there can be enough sometimes.

Jake reassures you that you are enough in his own ways, and that you aren’t broken. This can be through gifts or small acts of service, or him kissing your neck or muttering soft loving things to you in Spanish.

#male reader #steven grant #marc spector #jake lockley #moon knight #marvel #steven grant x reader #steven grant x male reader #steven grant headcanon #steven grant imagine #marc spector headcanon #marc spector imagine #marc spector x reader #marc spector x male reader #jake lockley x male reader #jake lockley x reader #jake lockley imagine #jake lockley headcanon #moon knight headcanon #moon knight x reader #moon knight imagine #moon knight x male reader #marvel imagine #marvel headcanon #marvel x male reader #marvel x reader

[outisgivingpac]

PAC: Little things you can do to improve your everyday life

Because there are days when simply existing feels like an extreme sport, this PAC shall give you some mundane advice to make your day a little bit easier 🌱☔✨

Check out my pinned post for my masterlist and personal readings ❤️

🐸Pick a pile/image you feel most drawn to🐸

Pile 1. Pile 2. Pile 3.

Pile 1: Queen of Pentacles reversed, the Empress reversed, The High Priestess

Dear Pile 1, there're a lot to unpack here so I hope you would stay with me till the end. Firstly, I can feel your fatigue streaming through, as it seems like you're buried under all kind of house chores and errands. What you can really use right now is a helping hand, not just someone who would nod sympathically to your struggle. Many of you could just be living alone, but some might share the place with someone who have different living standards as yourself. Either case, you could cut yourself some slack by asking for help, or simply letting others help you. On a side note, you might not have been eating properly as of late. Either you eat too little, or only fuel yourself with the kind of food that has little nutritional value. Though, it appears you're fully aware of all these problems, and just have to listen to your body more. You know better than anyone when you need to take a break, when to take a sip of water, or what you crave. So, yes, you should trust yourself on that as often as possible, rather than deeming it evil whisper your inner goblin lol

Pile 2: 6 of Cups, 7 of Pentacles, 9 of Wands

As it seems, people of this pile need a lot of activities and/or stimulations during a day to feel good in general. At the same time, idleness will weight you down like a plague. Without busying yourself with something that can be considered productive throughout the day, you tend to spiral hard in your head and become restless at night. This is often the case on those days when you don't have to go out for school or work. Aren't you a workaholic high-achiever with reasonable expectations for anyone but yourself? You're much encouraged to not take your day-off for granted, spending it worrying about work. Maybe you can pick up a hobby like handcraft (f.e. knitting, origami ect.), playing an instrument or engaging in certain outdoor sports. I know it could be much when you're low on energy, so it's important to find out something you truly enjoy to keep you (or your mind) active (maybe something you can do even when lying on bed?). The progress you make with your personal project will keep you in a more positive mindset. Lastly, some of you totally should keep your daily caffeine intake in check 👀

Pile 3: 7 of Pentacles reversed, 2 of Cups, Temperance

For Pile 3, I can tell you guys are goal-oriented people, who could get impatient when your effort are not met with immediate results. The lack of progress or productivity, whether it comes from your side or other party, could frustrate you greatly and taint your day in a sullen mood. To make your life a little bit easier, it's important to turn a mental switch when you're off work. Set your priority and boundary clear, knowing that you have tried to do the most you can with the cards you're served. There's always another day to continue or try again. Besides, if you have the "all or nothing" mentality, having compromises and taking the middle road will cut you some slack. As the world is not black or white, and it's completely normal to have inconsistency in your energy level. If you have a significant other, a close friend or family member, spending quality time with them is like swallowing a health potion. Oftentimes, they act like your personally cheerleader, hyping you up and helping you feel like your effort is seen, waaayyy before it is recognized by practical results. But hey, you can start giving it to yourself, too! Start to talk about/to yourself more kindly, like you would for someone you love.

#tarot #tarot community #tarot reading #intuitive readings #pac #pick a card #pick a card reading

[nukaberries]

New Vegas companions react to a teenage courier?

Another super late post from me (I'm so sorry lmao) but better late than never! I've already said this but I love reading/writing for Teen!Sole/Courier - my courier oc is actually nineteen during the events on New Vegas so stuff like this helps with developing her too! <33

//

Companions React to Teen!Courier

(Includes: Arcade, Boone, Cass, Lily, Raul and Veronica)

Arcade

Straight off the bat, he's gonna have a lot more patience for a younger courier than he would an adult. He doesn't exactly have fond memories of being a teenager - but then again, who does anymore? - so he can't even begin to imagine what it must be like after what the courier had gone through. Although Arcade often prefers to avoid violence when he can, he's more than willing to resort to it when it comes to protecting the courier. However, this means he's all the more disappointed if the courier sides with the Legion, he understands they're far more impressionable and that only makes him harbour more anger towards the faction, but he'd still expected better from them.

Boone

Instantly goes into dad/big brother mode. Boone doesn't anticipate it happening, but he finds himself being much more protective over the courier than he'd like to be. He'd been so excited to be a father before Carla's death and in a strange way, the courier feels like a second chance. He won't mention it, of course, especially not at first, but he'll show that he cares in little ways like making sure Six has a larger portion of the rations than he does or by protecting them from danger before he even considers himself. Boone doesn't want to overstep, nor does he really feel comfortable talking about it, so he'll never bring up how much he cares, he just hopes the courier knows he'll protect them no matter what happens.

Cass

It doesn't make a complete difference to Cass. Of course, she's even more outraged over what Benny did to Six, finding their attempted murder horrific in general, but even more so when it's apparent the courier isn't even eighteen. While Boone takes on a paternal role, Cass quickly becomes an older sister and terrible influence all rolled into one. She'll offer Six whiskey to try, although she knows chances are they've already drank alcohol before - God knows she'd sampled enough as a teenager. She's always willing to give them advice, granted she knows it's not always the best and most moral advice, but she's doing her best regardless.

Lily

Honestly, not much about Lily's relationship with Six would change, even if they were a teenager. She takes her role as their grandma as seriously as ever, refusing to see any harm come to the courier. With Six being even closer in age to her Jimmy and Becky, it sometimes makes it even harder than it usually would for her to remember she's not actually talking to her grandchildren. She's just grateful that the courier is patient with her, even if she isn't the perfect grandma sometimes.

Raul

It's hard for Raul to not be reminded of Rafaela and Claudia when he first meets the courier - regardless of their gender. Almost similarly to Boone, he sees them as a chance to do better and actually protect someone for once (third times the charm, right?) He manages to play it off with sarcasm and quick wit, but he truly does care for Six and he wants what's best for them. Perhaps he won't always agree with their choices and he makes a point to voice that when it's the case, but there's never a day he won't stand by them. He refuses to lose someone a third time.

Veronica

She's actually really excited to meet the teenaged courier. When with the Brotherhood of Steel, Veronica would love spending time with the squires, constantly being reprimanded for distracting them from their work - sure, Six is a little bit older, but she doesn't mind. But now? She doesn't have to worry about her commanding officers telling her to buzz off, she can spend all the time with them that she wants, if they're willing to put up with her. She's definitely a better influence than Cass, or at least she tries to be, but she knows showing Six how to cheat at poker probably wasn't the best idea. Veronica will also insist that she'll deal with Benny herself, but she knows better than to get in the way of the courier and their revenge.

#this one feels kinda short #but its okay im just glad to be back #better late than never LMAO #fallout #fallout new vegas #fallout x reader #fallout courier six #fallout headcanons #craig boone #arcade gannon #rose of sharon cassidy #lily bowen #raul tejada #veronica santangelo #courier 6 #fallout imagines

[the-unpopular-opinion]

Fan fiction writing and why you as a reader and writer need to care that what happens now is not right

And here is What The Popular WRITERS from THAT fandom taught me about fanfiction writing, and why I won't try that again

And The 10....More Than 10 Lessons I wish I knew earlier about fanfic writing in a fandom

Let me tell you my story....

I wish I've never posted, and if I knew, how the general new author is being treated around I most definitely would not. Or at least I would think twice....or more times.

I thought, that people are genuinely so supportive, to all and every author, by observing interactions between people.

Turns out .....They. Are. NOT.

THERE IS NO SOLIDARITY TO THE FELLOW AUTHOR ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE NEW.

NO ONE CARES TO CHECK YOUR THING.

NO ONE CARES TO HELP.

NOTHING.

THEY GO TO THEIR FAVORITES AND PRAISE THEM PUBLICLY and all the time AND THAT’S ABOUT IT.

A LOT OF PEOPLE GIVE UP AND QUIT BUT THEY COULDN’T CARE LESS.

* I have seen authors write anonymously to other writers blog, asking for advice, after they have been trying a long time but have been ignored, discarded and etc. despite doing their best.  Trying to get into the writing guild, or telling their pain of being exhausted trying.

I never wrote to another blog, but it's horrible that there is not even a way to tell how disappointed you are. I wrote on mine, but none of my followers gave a f*, neither whoever else from the fandom, so I quit trying.

At the end: I got 2 kind messages from people, who were not even my followers. I'm greatly and forever thankful to them!

But nobody else cared anyway.

That's the most horrible part of it.

After being ignored for long, at the end there is no one to talk to about it.

-- Here what I've learned though. Go there on your own risk.

The following post contains: cynicism, sarcasm and correct facts. With a pinch of salt. If you are under the age that grants EMOTIONAL MATURITY  and critical thinking you may as well skip.

I would advise you to read it if you are a new author and want to post your thing or an author that had seen it with their own eyes....

AND IF YOU CARE ABOUT THE FUTURE OF FAN FICTION AS SUCH AND THE DIVERSITY OF IT, YOU NEED TO TRY TO ACT DIFFERENTLY.

OTHERWISE...THAT WON’T BE THE FIRST OR THE LAST FANDOM THAT WILL SEE THE CLIQUES AND ALL THE ELSE THAT COMES WITH IT.

One of the places I saw.....Not the fandom I come from but you get the idea.....

SO HERE.....

The 10..... More Than 10 Lessons, I wish I knew earlier about fanfic writing in a fandom

Lesson One

It doesn't matter how good you are.

You might be the finest author out there and write great and all......

and STILL get nothing under your fics ( or 10 to 20 notes mostly likes), no comments or engagement - no matter how good you are.

I say this,IN CASE you posted and got nothing, SO YOU to know that probably, 99,9% probably, IT’S NOT YOU.

And in  A LOT OF CASES - it DOESN’T GET BETTER WITH TIME.

I CAN’T TELL YOU IF IT WILL GET BETTER....because SOMETIMES IS DOESN’T AND SOMETIMES IT DOES.

That’s how most of the authors ( new authors and not-seen but good authors) GET TREATED IN GENERAL.

Lesson Two

The ONLY thing that matters is, who are your ...."friends".

And to make the right kind of....."friends", you need to BECOME A PROFESSIONAL SYCOPHANT, AND go on popular blogs TO EXERCISE EXCESSIVE FLATTERY, in hopes that you and your fan-fics will get noticed.

The hard truth:

You only become seen and/or  popular if popular blogs - the more popular the better - reblog you and recommend you.

Or if you have many ENGAGED WITH YOUR WORK friends and/or followers.

The catch is....that your followers and/or friends NEED TO CARE ABOUT YOU AND YOUR WORK, and reblog, comment and engage with it.

Otherwise it all empty numbers in a list that does nothing!

Side note: I, personally, would recommend going to REDDIT.

Those people know the truth, and we talk active authors, who fic write 10 years and more. The name of the fandom does not mater, because all this is in every fandom on tumblr.

Yes - it does happen. And no - it's not right but...no one else cares. Except me, and may be someone else I don't know personally.

However - I'm no part of any fandom, and am practically free agent with no moral obligation to sugarcoat s***t.

Here is me, leaving you clues. Anyways, I base that all on research that took a year and a lot of googling....so ...yeah

Back to our program:

So if you want to make....”friends” on the right places......

You need to heavily socialize, leave long sophisticated comments as if it is your day to day highs paying job in case you want to be an author.

AND IN CASE YOU HAVE ANY LIMITATIONS such as:

sensory overload

social anxieties

making friends is hard for you for one or other reason

anxieties of any kind

and etcetera

You have got yourself a problem.

And now about the writers guild here.....Ah, the writer guild - here what I have seen:

Lesson Next

The Other authors treat you like competition

*If that's not how you got treated - good for you.

In all other cases:

Unless you are in one of their friends circles they won't:

engage with you and/or your fics

even try to help in some way

They will keep to themselves and their groups.

And if you sink - you sink.

They couldn't care less about:

you being new, and needing the most of support only to gain some sort of visibility, other than 20 likes/ notes.

In fact - the less competition with fics, the better

99 % Silent treatment , 1% Else

If you get lucky.....You will know it.

Lesson Four

A lot of authors use their free fan fic writing, as a stepping stone to original books....which would sell.

And that means they try gather a following, that will probably buy their original books only because they were fans of their fic.

You will feel it.

That's why they treat you like competition in a first place.

Otherwise no one, could be so cold hearted, and just ignore cries for help by a fellow writer.

Unless it is a business or about something people need.

Unless you want to get rid of those people, and have less competition.

Not to mention that comment I read under someone's writing "If someday you publish a book I will buy it...."

And then watching that ALREADY HAPPENING as Someone else “published*”a book ( *welcome in the era of self-publishing), and now offered the said book, signed and etc.it as a “reward” in a “follower CELEBRATION” EVENT.

Yeah, it seems.

I will wonder no more why people act like they do.

Well I thought it's for fun....

There is no fun in stepping on others because you need to to do marketing for your (future) writing endeavors.

Some of us were there just for fun and sharing with like minded people.....But ah well.....

Lesson Next and even the last point aside....

As someone else mentioned,  some people may "reject" you simply because they secretly envy you.

Or perceive you as a "threat".

Or simply because...they don’t like you...or your avatar

( *shrug*)

No one however would tell you how they feel, they will "smile and nod" and then stab you in the back.

So BE AWARE.....

Lesson

A lot of authors will ONLY INTERACT WITH YOU, and your writing, no matter the quality of it, and with respect and consider you, IF YOU ARE A POPULAR  BLOG....especially popular writing blog.

It does not matter how good you write, or what good you do.

You may be a great writer, and a person, and they will still ignore you.

Because they ONLY need the POPULAR BLOGS SUPPORT.

BECAUSE....THEY ARE POPULAR.

Your support as  not-popular, means nothing to them.

Because, the only way to get higher in "fandom hierarchy" is to ...FLATTER and CATER TO POPULAR  writing BLOGS, in a hope than they will become friendly and/or recommend  your fic.

That's THE ONLY WAY  your fic to be read and seen.

And Unless you have a lot of engaged followers and friends is the other option.....

But the usual way is the fic/ fics to be recommended by others...and most importantly POPULAR OTHERS.

So that that type of writer blogs/ people -

will rather compliment, and flatter a bad  fic and writing BUT POPULAR author, THAN to  tell / recommend  anyone who is NOT.

As those authors aim to get seen themselves that's what they do.

Lesson

Being  POPULAR  does NOT guarantee a good writing or a GENUINE E PERSON BEHIND THE NAME

That's was the most disappointing of it all.

Lesson

BEING  POPULAR AND BEING GOOD IN WRITING, ARE TWO SEPARATE, AND COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS to start with.

As I mentioned earlier....

I personally have seen "bad" writers get more notes. attention, a$$ kissing, and love by the fandom than good ones.

And if you ask why....I can't tell you because I don't have a clue.

-- On the questions of how to get into the writers circles--

There is NO guarantee that you will succeed though.

NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO.

Lesson

You need to be proactive in "making friends".

IMO - That "you must do this, or that or else" demand, is not a fun thing.  That "making friends because otherwise no one would read, you" is NOT a friendly activity.

It's more like mutual benefits. and that is not a friendship.

It becomes a barter - "read mine I will read yours" kind of deal, or authors gives what the crowd needs, because they do not read otherwise.

Once you go there, once you go to the barter side of it -because it's a barter-a fic material/s for engagement... and it becomes a "business".

Yes, no one pays you ( fanfics must be free copyright and all in mind).

But the time investment still stands. Both sides.

The readers though invests time for enjoyment.

And the writer......THE WRITER DOES THE WORK

THE WRITERS do all the work, including activities such like but not limited to:  

cold pitches = reaching to other blogs* not knowing what the outcome will be * mainly popular blogs*

marketing = bringing your fic to the attention of your readers

design = designing your dividers, mood boards, fic covers and etc.

investing time in it = writing  ( for free *)

And the problem:

if you can’t even get some attention - comments, reblogs, some talk or anything at all on your work - what's the point?

Investing time, no one will return you, in something that gives nothing back? Not a wise "investment"* (* fanfiction is free taking in account copyrights and al that. And should stay that way.)

Also such writing for online posting becomes:

Dull

Time wasting activity

It becomes HARD WORK

And hard work for nothing is NOT "fun"

No engagement = no fun

You may become bitter, and quit writing altogether

and etcetera

And it's supposed to be fun.

And as added bonus:  Business is where people would play dirty, if they need to. AND THEY DO.

P:S Don't get me wrong though. I'm sure that some people could find friends like that. But at large - it is not the right way to do it. And in general - not a good idea.

Lesson

Unless you are (already) popular, or have many friends, or belong to a large group, in which people support each other's writing, mostly  based on personal internal relations and friendships, or have exceptional people/social skills - you are doomed.

That's about it.

And in case you have any sort of social anxiety, get sensory overload  by too much online interactions, or have any other limitation...No one cares.

In general they do the silent treatment.

They may also rather discriminate, and then marking and covering  that up as "I owe no one nothing" if you try to say something. Or they would simply ignore all legitimate complains, or worries you may have.

Unless you are popular, have many engaged followers/friends and etc.  Then you get the special treatment.  

Ah, well. That leads to Lesson Next.

Lesson Next

There is no place where a new, or not so new authors can voice their concerns.Nothing organized and no one will show you to one even if it existed.

You either write ANONYMOUSLY on other blogs, preferably popular, or the fandom may exile you and other pleasantries, if you even try to point a problem.

Otherwise, if you are not popular, and you write on your blog, your posts would most likely:

get ignored - unless you have engaged followers

get no notes - unless you have engaged followers

Lesson

It doesn't matter how good you are, it only matters if you are at the right place, at the right time.

In other words, AT THE END,  if you have got the lucky, is all that matters.

And if you are lucky, you will know.

--And now and more lessons - fic wise--

Lesson

The only fics that are being written are x reader content.

Want to write OC?

Tough luck.

You try. Prepare for disappointment.

Don't theorize about it. Don't EVEN think about it.

DON'T.

Unless you are already popular, or have many engaged with your writing friends, or belong to large group in which people support each other writing...sounds familiar ?

My case: I wrote with not described, not named OC btw. I used "she" instead of "you". Got 10 likes, and people not giving a fuck. Based on other fics that were getting 90 and more notes and interaction mine was not bad. Nevertheless. No one cared.

Even popular writers, when writing with characters, and not 'x reader' fics, were getting less notes on their writing, compared to their x reader fics.

Lesson

No one wants to write what's not popular. And that leads to.....There is No diversity.

Because it would not be read, because the "almighty" readers, who  have the power to "praise and punish" with their attention.

And what for an author would write hours and hours only to be rejected.

Anyways here it is...

And that lead to LESSON NEXT

Lesson

EVERYONE WRITES TO WIN

also know as being seen fanfic author in a fandom. ( also as - Getting more than 99 notes on your writing)

There is no organic, natural interaction.

It's either mutual benefiting friendships

....quid pro quo AND only if you are lucky. A lot of people CAN’T even get that no matter how many times they recommend and read others...

Also servility and sycophancy

or you are on your own.

It's either praises on popular blogs, and in friend circles or complete silence.

But you may get lucky if you like gambling with the unknown. In that case - good for you.

And as winning - being seen and known author - is the one goal here, despite the fact what they will try to make you think.....

They will play DIRTY, if they need to.

AND THAT OFFERS NEXT LESSON ON ITS OWN:

Lesson

Sycophancy, Servility and Flattery  or

How to get into a writers friend circle as a new author

If You want to get in writers friend circle, a.k.a become a seen fanfic author, you do that by exercising general and/or high level sycophancy, servility and extreme flattery on popular blogs.

And it does not matter whether you really like what you read or not.

Note : You may, in fact, enjoy popular writers, some are very good. Some of them are genuinely good people too. But you need to be careful.

In the most cases. though.....

You need to:

write sophisticated comments

interact for hours, and as if it is your high-end paid everyday job -- 'cause authors love that s**t,

And if you don't do that - you don't exist, and they will forget about ya.

Also - you need to write ungodly amounts of fiction, BUT only one that fits their taste...otherwise...or ELSE.

And in short:

if you want to be seen as an author, and/or to become popular, you need to do it and be very social about it no matter if you have limitations of whatever kind. Otherwise no one will help.

Though.....There is the downside......

You may never get in one of those circles, no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, and  for one reason or another.

EVEN if you do the sycophancy and flattery and servile stuff.

Even if you sell your soul, it may not happen and have the desired effect, because it's a question of luck.

So - choose wisely. Wanna play roulette with a loaded gun with all bullets present but one?  That's the odds.

Anyways, and in case you don't succeed to enter one of their circles:

Then you get ignored, because no one gives a f***** otherwise.

And you write, create and put efforts and time into nothing.

Unless you don't mind to be ignored, or you create and write nevertheless, and not for any attention.

Side Note: It's not about popularity as such  by the way. It's about a normal amount of attention, every creator needs now and then.

LESSON

EVERYONE  in the fandom is a “WRITER”. ALSO AVID READER AND WRITER COMBO

Which you may or may not be.

And even if you comment under other people fics and recommend, you may NOT get anything back.

( I saw many people say that while I was searching ....)

That’s why I said that all that sycophancy and friends with benefits is bad....

It becomes work you need to do for some reason other than enjoying writing and reading fiction and communicating, and it becomes messy.

._.

--Lessons about characters--

Lesson NEXT

The People in the fandom, have and are entitled to a group, fandom-shared, pre-conception of what behaviour certain characters of the actor NEED TO EXHIBIT in the fiction written, in order to be acceptable in writing.

You either write a lot of what they need, want, crave and etc. otherwise - no one reads you, if you do not comply.

And never, in no case, don't you dare to forget. that you the writer MUST, in all and every case, to write ALWAYS and ONLY, with "YOU"......or else.

They punish by ignoring, exercising their "right" to do whatever, and in this case exercising their "right" to ignore, and do the the silent treatment, because what for ill-meant audacity is you- the writer, to offer something for diversity.

( /sarcasm intended. And please think for yourself why such behaviour is UNACCEPTABLE).

It does not matter, if you have an interesting story.

Unless you are lucky, and get the jackpot like that one person I followed.

Or unless you only create what they think the character should be like, and a lot of it.

(Or unless you are backed by a lot of people who love all you do.)

In all other cases - you are doomed to fail.

Here more about the characters.

Examples:

* Markus Pike is a sweetheart.

I saw a fic about a "bad "Marcus once. It had 42 notes. The usual amount of notes, that this same author was getting on their fics was about 800 and more.....

Next - The EQ 2 character.

Oh dear. I can talk about that for hours. Don't even get me started.....

He is usually perceived as rude and mean. And is always like 99,9 % always dominant. The mean, rude, heartless dominant kind of them.

He usually spits....on things, cheats his wife, bangs the babysitter, calls you a wh******, and he is possessive and all that.

And sometimes he is abuser and that kind of thing. And sometimes there are fics about him being submissive. And they allllll ( except some) are in some sort of Pit.

And that's it.

No other men on tumblr.'s fanfiction All Dominant. The rude kind. All into BDSM dynamic. That's it.

--

Side Note: I don't have problems with dominant characters!!!!! And I don't have problems with personal preferences and kinks.

I do however have problem with the lack of diversity. Because there is NO diversity.  

People from the dominant spectrum, come in varieties as  everyone else. Also people as a whole are different.

Lesson Unless you follow the unwritten rules of THAT writing fandom, you are doomed as new writer.

Or unless you get lucky...whatever you have, and get.

Have an genuine author need to write something out of love or whatever ?

You better be popular, or have a large friends and/or followers circle.

And last, but not least:

CLIQUES.

Cliques everywhere

Wanna genuine high-school rejection feeling?

You are on the right place.

So that's that.

If you did any of those, and you've succeeded, you are probably:

already in a writers friend circle and you "enjoy" fics and friendly talks with your writer friends

and/or are seen author.

Good for you. Congratulations for things working ot in your favour

----------Otherwise--------------

Welcome to The Void of The Ignored -- We don't have fun here.

-- Thank you for reading my observations and  for the utmost patience. Thank you for not getting offended by my cynicism and sarcasm. My intention is not to "offend".  I don't like to be rude.

But to point out things that need fixing

In conclusion -

I don't think that this way of behaviour is welcoming to new authors or authors who may have limitations - like social anxiety, sensory overload for one reason or another, or anything else on that note that makes it harder for them, to be authors under your ruler ship.

I personally won't ever post fan fiction online, especially in this community.

But if you, whoever read this all, think you can handle the rejection and the pain that comes with it - You are welcome to try.

Your time, your life.

And If you are lucky, you may have it better.

I however won't do that again. I only felt like my duty to leave a warning.

Because no one warned me, and I needed counseling because I got PTSD because of all that ( and not only). That's what they told me.

So my rating personally:

- 10000000 stars Would NOT recommend.

--

Disclaimer :

As I mentioned, that's how I was treated and what I saw. Also apparently, that's a standard way in which the writers on tumblr behave as a whole. ( by doing some research you find some very interesting and unsettling things. )

P:S I put so many disclaimers and side notes, because the last time I tried to states something politely, that was my opinion, and my feelings, with me being in a state of depression because of that "fine treatment" no one warned me about,  it was taken as "offense" - which it was not.

See my rules of online conduit and behaviour here. Ones I adhere to, and I never go against.

I believe in common courtesy, thank you.

I apologize, if that is too old-school to you.

That resulted in me being dumped by my EX-fave, content creator. Because their bestie got "offended", that they were no longer able to use my deleted content for their fic. And they were a heavy user of  my content. I wonder though, and what if I was the one who had 2000 followers, not the other way around....what it would be then?

And for the record - I DON'T PARTICIPATE IN friendship triangulation. Whoever wanted that, was NOT me.

--

Also - I won't tolerate to be "punished" for having an opinion.

One, stated in not rude manner. I ALWAYS try my best not to be rude.

But seriously, some people get offended, if you do not think like them, and that's childish at it's best.

#fandoms #fanfics #fan fics #writing fanfics for fandoms be like #toxic #cliques #writers guild #10 lessons I wish I knew earlier #tumblr fanfiction writers #THERE ARE PROBLEMS AND THEY DO KILL FANDOMS LOOK THAY ARE ALL AROUND #Save Your Fandom #Be a responsible fanfic reader #be example #reblog fics with less notes for visibility #help a fanfic author to be seen #writing on tumblr #It should have been fun but it wasn't #fanfiction #fanfiction writing #fanfction problems #writers on tumblr #writers problems #writer problems #writing #writing fanfics #writing fanficiton #writing fan fiction #fandom elite #toxic fandoms

[annymation]

Now that I'm animating the stars' reactions to Asha choosing Aster, I was wondering, How would Aster have reacted if Asha chose another star? I know that the most likely thing is that he will be sad, but I started to think that he would communicate all the time with the other star that Asha chose so that he is aware of everything that happens or that he would get angry with the star because it happened something bad to Asha, I don't know, ideas that come to me out of nowhere in the middle of the night lmao

Okay buckle up because this one will be a crazy ride:

You know this is a very interesting question but is also really hard for me to say because I’d have to imagine how another star would even go about granting Asha’s wish.

Because keep in mind that I took inspiration on how wishing stars work based on the Blue Fairy. The blue fairy didn’t accompany Pinocchio the whole way through, she just gave him some little interventions, so like, if Aster was in the Blue Fairy’s place he’d stay with Pinocchio the whole way through, because that’s his style, but it’s not how wishing stars usually do things, they only give small interventions and some advice.

… But in Asha’s case I can’t imagine a star doing that and not coming off as an huge jerk, because she needed A LOT of help, not only to save her people but also to protect herself from Magnifico granting her cursed wish.

But let’s say that Asha wished upon a star that followed all the rules:

All that star did at first was go down, introduce themselves to her, give her some magical intervention like boosting her confidence so she’s braver to spread the word of who Magnifico really is, so maybe she can start a silent rebellion, and also makes so she doesn’t need to sleep so she herself can stop the cursed wish from getting to her…

So this star does all that with their magic, very quickly, says goodbye to Asha and wishes her luck? then goes back to the sky to chill… And Aster pops up next to them like

Aster:…….. What the heck was that?!

Star: What? I gave her some advice and now I’m watching how it’ll play out.

Aster: UMM! She had a TERRIBLE day and you just took away her ability to SLEEP! Do you have any idea how important sleep is for humans??

Star: …. Do you?

Aster: NO I DONT BUT I IMAGINE ITS VERY IMPORTANT! THEY DO IT A LOT!

Star: *sigh* well you’re young, you don’t know anything. I’m just doing my job. So how about you mind your business and we watch how this play out, okay?

And it all plays out… The next day Asha gets trapped in the dungeon after she’s found out trying to start a rebellion

Aster (looking at the star very angrily):……. Go. Down. There. Now. Or I’ll turn you into a black hole (a dead star)

Star: OKAY OKAY IM GOING JEEZ!

The star gets there and frees Asha just like how the blue fairy freed Pinocchio from a cage.

Asha: What took you so long??? Nothing went according to your plan!

Star: Listen child, this is new even for me. I’m not used to dealing with evil kings.

Magnifico: Yeah, I can tell.

The king says from the shadows behind them. He only trapped Asha in the dungeon as bait, so he could capture the star.

Star:….. Well %#€&$

Aster (all the way up in the sky): AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!

And the star gets captured and Magnifico steals its power.

The end.

Moral of the story? Sometimes going against tradition and doing things your own way is THE BEST way. So even though the stars keep complaining that Aster isn’t following their rules of “not getting attached” and “only giving advice then leaving the human to do it by themselves”, his way is literally THE ONLY WAY that Magnifico could ever be defeated. What seemed like bad luck was a actually a blessing.

#wish rewrite #wish reimagined #kingdom of wishes

[pluckyredhead]

Editing The Lost Titans

I get asks about writing advice/craft/tips occasionally, and I always feel a little inadequate when I answer them. While I try to be very disciplined and methodical about my original writing, when it comes to fic, it's something I do for fun and for free, so my method is mainly slapping my hands on the keyboard like a seal until self-indulgence comes out. It's rare that I outline fic or make significant edits, so it's hard for me to point to specific examples.

However! While I was writing The Lost TItans, I did a bunch of major edits - throwing away entire scenes, revising large chunks, adding an entire chapter after the first draft was done. More importantly, all of those edits had really clear reasons they needed to be made, rather than me going "Eh...it's just not right," which means I can actually explain my thought process without just waving a hand vaguely in the direction of the vibes. So I thought I'd write about what edits I made and why, in case it's interesting or useful to anyone. (And if not, who doesn't like navel gazing?)

The original opening scene was entirely different. It served the same purpose - it was still a dream showing the Titans Red world - but instead of all the Titans fighting the HIVE, it was Jason having lunch on the Star City University campus with Toni and Grant. Then, just as in the finished fic, Jason wakes up at Roy's house and talks about the dream over breakfast.

Now don't get me wrong, I loved writing that original opening scene. I love Toni and Grant, I was already invested in this alternate timeline, so getting to play with these characters interacting was super fun for me.

But it wouldn't have been fun for anyone else. Most of my readers wouldn't know who Toni and Grant were, and literally no one would be invested in their relationships with Jason, because I was inventing those out of whole cloth. Also, because the other four members of the team weren't there, it was just tons of exposition of who these characters were, what their team history was, etc. etc. Rose's joke about Roy being like a cool camp counselor was originally from this scene, but because Rose isn't in the scene, it's a joke being exposited rather than told. There was nothing to engage a reader who wasn't me, and also a lot of what was being shown in the scene - that these characters attended the same college - wasn't necessary information (as you can tell by the fact that in the final fic, that isn't even true).

So I cut the scene entirely and replaced it with the opening fight scene. (And obviously made the necessary edits to the subsequent conversation with Roy.) It's much more high energy, and more importantly: it gets the whole team on the page, it shows that they are a team rather than just telling you, and hopefully the banter gets you invested in their dynamic. They're pals being goofy together! I sure hope these are real relationships and not Hank Hall's weird manipulative RPF!

2. The third scene, dinner at Ollie's, originally opened with Roy, Lian, and Jason arriving at Ollie's and all the different Arrowfamily members getting little bits of dialogue or whatever before it was supposed to cut to the flashback of Jason butting heads with Bruce in Gotham. I was actually in the middle of this scene and stalled out for a while before I realized I needed to a) scrap the opening scene like I mentioned above and b) scrap this one, too. Often when I find I'm just stuck and not going anywhere, it's for reasons like this - the scene I'm writing isn't the right one.

In this case, it was similar to the Grant and Toni scene above - I was having a great time writing the Arrowfam, but the scene wasn't actually contributing anything to the fic. The point of this entire sequence was to show Jason's fraught relationship with his own family, and hint that Connor was experiencing the same dreams as Jason. Random banter with Mia or whoever was just getting in the way of the crucial information. I cleared all of the Arrowfamily stuff out of the beginning of this sequence, jumped straight to Gotham, and then used the birthday cake scene to contrast Jason's relationship with the Bats to his relationship with the Arrows, as well as drop that Connor hint.

I want to be really clear here, because I feel like people get defensive about the idea of cutting scenes that "aren't doing anything" or "don't move the plot forward." I didn't cut these scenes because they were quiet or character-driven. Jason and Roy having breakfast is quiet and character-driven. The whole fic is character-driven. I cut the scenes that I cut because they literally served zero purpose except having various characters go "Hello, I exist and I have a relationship to Jason." I replaced them with scenes that did that, and also moved the plot forward, and also made you care about those relationships, and also were fun to read. Please don't feel bad for those scenes because they got cut; they are a collection of words and don't have feelings.

3. The scene where Rose rescues Jason and Connor from Sudden Death got I would say a medium level of revision, in that the beats are all the same but they weren't originally fighting Sudden Death. Initially I just had them dealing with two members from opposite sides of a gang war, and the scene was pretty terrible but it got me where I needed to be, so I left it and finished the first draft of the whole fic.

When I went back in revisions, I realized that in using the gang war hook, I was once again spending time on something - in this case, the intricacies of crime in Star City - that had nothing to do with the fic. This is an easy trap to fall into: I needed to introduce Rose in a fun, badass way, while Jason and Connor were already hanging out, so having her save them while they were on patrol was perfect. It didn't matter who they were fighting, so I put in some generic goons.

But then I had to justify why said goons required three superheroes (four, if you count Roy) to defeat them, and also set up why they were there in the first place, and it just became a long derailment from the story I was trying to tell, with nothing inherently entertaining about it to justify it.

Swapping the goons for Sudden Death meant I could significantly streamline the "why" of the scene: he's a supervillain doing supervillain shit, case closed (although there's still a nod to him working with Brick, a Star City crime lord, to explain why he's in town). His dumb surfer shtick is more entertaining to read than generic goon dialogue. And he's a Hawk and Dove villain, which meant the scene served three purposes now: giving Rose a grand entrance, humor, and foreshadowing. Boom.

4. The scene where Jason and Roy kiss got a pretty thorough second pass. This one is the least helpful one to talk about, I think, because it really was just honing the vibes. I wanted to increase the tension between them, that slow pull drawing them closer, so I put in more about their respective positioning in the room, the way the room looks and feels, little physical details of Roy. If I make the setting more palpable, I make the tension more palpable - or at least, that's the theory I'm working with here.

5. The climax got a MAJOR overhaul. Initially, Hank returned Roy and took him away again, Jason had the team attack him, and there was a whole thing with the team fruitlessly fighting against all these hypertime variants of Hank. Only then did Koryak suggest they stay in the Titans Red universe.

I'd written it that way because...well, it was a superhero fic, it felt like it needed some kind of physical confrontation at the end. But this version of Hank is so powerful that there wasn't actually anything the Titans could do, which made the fight not particularly engaging. It also didn't really make sense for him to be attacked by Koryak, Grant, and Eddie, who were kind of on his side, or Jason, who was torn.

Instead, I nixed the physical fight, and made the actual conflict between the team members, which is the conflict that really matters. I also made that fight much more painful. The argument was already there in the first draft, but the truly cruel lines - Koryak's comment about Rose's mom, what Grant says to Toni - came in the second pass. Because the stakes here aren't really whether they can beat Hank; it's their friendship, and the balance between what they give up by going home, and what they give up by staying in the dream. I needed that decision to hurt, and failing to punch Hank Hall in the face wouldn't accomplish that.

6. I essentially added an entire chapter in revisions. Originally the fic went: Eddie sacrifices himself -> quick paragraph sending everyone home -> Jason and Roy get together -> team reassembles to rescue Eddie. It felt rushed and completely unsatisfying. I had been focused on resolving the plot points directly involving Jason, because he's the POV character, but I'd spent so long on all of the various team relationships that I had to at least give each character a proper send-off.

So I added the scene at the JSA brownstone. I let Grant and Toni make up, gave Grant his happy ending, and hinted at Toni's. I gave Koryak and Rose exit lines, and hinted that Jason thinks of Connor as family and part of what "home" means. I added the Tim scene because I needed to balance the beginning of the fic, and because if Jason was making the choice to return to a world with a fraught family dynamic, I needed to show that dynamic on page. I was worried that it would feel like I was drawing out the end too long after the Big Bad was defeated, but I think all of those scenes feel necessary and (hopefully) healing.

Anyway, hopefully this was interesting and maybe helpful! I find craft super interesting but it can be hard to talk about in concrete ways, so I wanted to get all this down on (digital) paper as clear examples I could point to when people ask.

#i write things #the lost titans

[chidoroki]

182 Days of TPN - Day 130

Chapter 130: "Something to Report"

I love how easily Emma can now admit her feelings regarding the annihilation towards her family. From initially hiding her concerns, to opening up to Ray about them and finally admitting them to Norman himself and making her stance against the plan firm.. it's quite the improvement that she can talk freely about her choices without too much worry about how everyone else will react.

Probably the main reason why I believe that the hatred the GP resistance harbored towards the demons is more justified than the malice the Lambda crew feels. The poachers were all psycho and far from innocent, unlike those demons simply living in actual towns.

Definitely the best point to bring up in order to get the other thirteen escapees concerned, and I like how it's only them shown to react to the possibility.

I know it hasn't even been a full ten chapters yet, but it feels as if I haven't seen everyone else in ages. I suppose that's solely a me problem by going through the chapters on a day by day pace. (is Rossi raising his hand?? aww, precious boy has a question!)

She says it so proudly! And hearing her repeat Ray's advice to her makes me feel so soft. My boy has such intense glare though, as if he's just waiting to see if anyone is gonna really shut down her idea. Dude is giving y'all a warning to not challenge them after Emma's worked so hard to reach this decision.

Season two saw that comment of Ray's and said "alright, bet."

It's great that Sandy & Sonya recall that one brief moment with Nous mourning over Nouma, reminding us that even the real terrible demons do have actual feelings.

Getting the chance to see other people's reactions to this whole mess is definitely something. Gillian doesn't seem too thrilled to admit that last bit though. If I was in their place, I wouldn't know which side I'd be on at the start.

Oh Don, you wonderful supportive brother you. YES! These kinds of decisions is what Emma is best know for and no matter how risky they might be, the kids were able to come so far by following their highly determined and optimistic leader.

The advantage of being the main protagonist. Or disadvantage in this case. Take your pick.

Ahha.. wait til they find out Norman's life is actually in danger due to the Lambda experiments.

Mhhmm, can't say you're gonna escape with everyone when you let one of your besties go. Granted, they left the children four and younger behind but at least she made the promise to go back for them.

He said the thing again + double head pats.

Luckily for Gilda and everyone else, our girl keeps her promises. And remains quite honest throughout the series as well. (she may not tell the whole truth during the most crucial moment of the series but what can ya do.)

I laser focus on the GP trio every damn time I come across this panel without fail. Idc if they're just standing there, I love them.

You know Norman is so deep into the WM persona when he doesn't even bother to see RE off before they venture to the Seven Walls, like he knows how risky it would be to go there, if it even exists in the first place, and he just.. straight up lets 'em go without a proper goodbye.

Favorite panel/moment:

Big sis Paula is back with more hugs.

But more importantly, there's THIS. Ray calling her crazy and no one disagrees. Also, his comment about him not being able to see her pov is sorta foreshadowing to the Seven Walls and how Emma is able to meet the demon god and not him. Sure Ray might come to understand Emma's reasoning and how her mind works eventually, but not at first, hence why he was booted out of the Seven Walls.

Plus, I adore that face of hers. I'm very happy such a tiny detail made it into the anime as well.

I also.. forgot to cross check the anime with this chapter until now. Um, yeah, some stuff remains the same of course. Tons of people missing obviously. How RE invite Don & Gilda to help with their search of Sonju & Mujika is kinda reminiscent of their conversation from ch99 actually with them being thankful to finally help with something. The addition of Emma & Gilda's headbutt is cute.

I know this is already hella long and parts of this conversation don't even happen within the chapter (or at all in the manga) but screw it, my boy looks so handsome here.

#the promised neverland #tpn manga #182daysoftpn #chidoroki used chatter

[skz-june]

[ JUNE’S RELATIONSHIP WITH STRAY KIDS ]  part two. 

[ HAN JISUNG ]

ship name: Jusung

description: Probably the only ‘00 member Han didn’t fight with predebut. Not that he didn’t try/that they didn’t have conflicts with one another, but because June (despite appearances) is very non-confrontational they never really went anywhere. June didn’t give Han a lot to fight with. He would try to get a reaction out of her and she was just stone faced. If anything that probably angered him more. But eventually Han left June alone and started coming to her when he needed help when fighting with the other members. He liked that she didn’t judge him for when he got emotional, and just listened to him. When he needed to vent, Han went to June. When he needed advice, he went to Chan and Changbin. Weirdly, Han and June bring out the quiet in each other. They’re both loud introverts, and they show very quiet affection with each other. Small touches, leaning on one another, etc. June also gets nervous in public but when she’s with Han, the “mom friend override” engages and she can get anything done by his side. But on days off they’re most likely together, spending the entire day in bed, on the couch, watching tv, and ordering in food. Han is also the person June went to first when she started writing lyrics of her own. They also are the two who can get each other to laugh until there are tears in each other’s eyes. 

fan favorite moment: In a day off vlog Han and June spent the day together and went to a cat cafe together. They were fighting over who would hold the camera at certain moments in public because both were too embarrassed to do it. There are a lot of favorite pictures fans have taken of them cuddling with the cats from this video.

[ LEE FELIX ] 

ship name: Julix

description: brings out her affectionate side. June loves cuddling her ‘Lixie. Will just randomly go up and lay on top of him, barely allowing him to move or breathe. Loves to randomly hold his hand, especially when Changbin is on the other side. Felix is also the person who brings June back down to Earth when everything just gets a bit too much. Being the only girl there are times where she’s felt like and has had a lot more on her plate. Felix lets her just be ‘a kid’ again and encourages her more silly, childish, and responsibility free side loose.

fan favorite moment: when june fell asleep on top of felix and he kept asking everyone to help him get out from under her but everyone refused to help him. kept telling him to keep it down so june could sleep and to just accept his fate. a few minutes later the camera returned to show that he had fallen asleep as well. 

[ KIM SEUNGMIN ]

ship name: Junmin

description: okay so, vocalracha are her children, understand? Granted, if that’s the case they are being taken away from CPS immediately. But, yeah, she loves them. Seungmin and June are constantly fighting and at each other’s throats. Who needs boxing training or a punching bag when they have each other? The amount of times the other members have had to pull these two apart for fear of them causing actual physical harm to one another. Or have been worried that they were actually fighting when they were just messing around. But despite appearances, they really love and care for one another. June always is sure to balance their little play fights with affection. June is always hyping Seungmin up and loves listening to him sing (and rap).

fan favorite moment: june was doing a live one time on her own when Seungmin entered the room (off camera) and shot a nerf gun at her, nailing her right on the forehead. he then ran out of the room giggling. june ended the live early to chase after him and enact her revenge. 

[ YANG JEONGIN ] 

ship name: Jugin

description: he’s the baby. He’s everyone’s baby. June loves doing little random asides with him. While watching the rest of the group go crazy they’ll just be sitting together, her arm around his shoulders, going, “it’s so hard for us. We have so much responsibility on our shoulders being the most sane and good-looking members." Hyunjin will also sometimes join in on them with these little jokes. June often will whistle at him and just hype up Innie. (But also during Charmer purposefully turns away, she supports, but she cannot bear to see it).

fan favorite moment: more of a compilation of videos where they are moving in sync, especially one of them where they are both incredibly sassily flipping their hair at the same 

#[ relationships ] june #[ han ] june #[ han jisung ] june #[ felix ] june #[ yongbok ] june #[ lee felix ] june #[ seungmin ] june #[ kim seungmin ] june #[ i.n. ] june #[ jeongin ] june #[ yang jeongin ] #[ Jusung ] june #[ Julix ] june #[ Junmin ] june #[ Jugin ] june #stray kids female member #skz female member #stray kids female oc #skz female oc #stray kids 9th member #skz 9th member #kpop oc #kpop female oc #stray kids #skz #stray kids reactions #skz reactions #stray kids imagines #stray kids fanfiction #skz imagines

[literaticat]

Hi Jenn. I know you haven't read my book or my query so this might be hard to answer, but I was looking for some tips on how to construct feedback. I've gotten feedback that my query letter(s) read more like "high-level back jacket blurbs" instead of "what is needed for the query". They also said they almost moved on from the letter in their inbox but was hooked by the time they read it all. Could you break this down a bit for me and offer any advice? I can parse most of it but am still confused. (It also says at one point that that there should be more about the MC.) Does this mean I've written nice-sounding blurb that would entice a reader but not an agent? Why would a blurb entice a reader but not an agent? If it would entice a reader, surely it could hook the agent too? I kind of see what they're saying - but I'm also confused and not sure I'm analyzing the feedback right. Thank you so much.

As you note, it's hard to say really, since I don't know what the material is, and also I'm not sure what kind of "feedback" this was -- like was it a paid critique from an agent or editor? A friend just giving advice? MULTIPLE friends? Input on a writer's forum? Random offhand comments from different agents you actually queried put together? (Something else?) -- I feel like all these different people or groups might have different kinds of feedback, and I'd take some of it more seriously than others, you know? BUT ANYWAY:

When I see "high-level back jacket blurbs", that implies to me that you've given a big-picture kind of set-up in the pitch. ("High Level" not being synonymous with something like "Fancy and Sophisticated" or "Gifted and Talented" -- but in this case meaning more like "birds-eye view" kind of thing). Combined with them wanting "more about the MC", I suspect you are giving us a taste of the setting and world and a broad-strokes indication of the problem -- when what tends to be more effective is giving us a way in through the main character, and what THEIR problem is and what the stakes are for them, personally.

It would be like if you described the Wizard of Oz by telling us about how this is a fantasy about a magical world ruled by four witches, two of them good, two of them evil, and when a girl gets sent there from Kansas by a tornado, and accidentally kills one of the witches, she must go on a dangerous quest with her band of misfit friends, meeting all kinds of munchkins and whatnot along the way to meet a wizard in the Emerald City who might be able to grant them all wishes, but they face a variety of perils and all is not as it seems. In other words, the focus here is "big picture" and mostly setting up the world and the main thing that happens, but not setting up the main character or the stakes.

When what would probably be a more compelling pitch is focusing more on DOROTHY, what she wants, what her problem is, etc. She's the reader's way in to the story -- we want to care about her and find out what happens to her, right? So you might start by asking yourself some questions about her.

*** [ETA: It wouldn't hurt you to follow this "But" and "therefore" advice, either -- the literal "buts" and "therefores" do NOT have to be in the query itself, but it might help when writing out the story beats as below to help you from falling into a boring "and then" trap where you are just listing off events.]****

WHO IS OUR HERO? She's Dorothy! A plucky, resourceful farm girl who lives a hardscrabble existence in Dust Bowl Kansas, but has big dreams of a bigger and brighter world.

WHAT DOES SHE WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING? To get tf out of dusty old Kansas and find rainbows and happiness!

WHAT'S STOPPING HER FROM GETTING IT? She's a child, she has to live with her family, she loves her family but her family lives in Kansas, etc.

WHAT PROBLEM DOES SHE FACE? First there's a massive storm, which is scary -- BUT, her wish to leave Kansas actually DOES come true -- her house is swept up in a twister and deposited in the glittering realm of Oz! YAY! BUT, unfortunately, her wish came true at a cost -- her house crushed a witch when it landed. THEREFORE, though the people of Oz are happy about the witch thing, actually, she's now a murderer, and has been separated from her family with seemingly no way home. :(

SO WHAT CHOICE DOES SHE HAVE TO MAKE? Will she stay and embrace her new life as the pampered Hero of Munchkin-land with every treat and beautiful, magical thing she has ever dreamed of? Or put herself in danger and give up the lollipops to find a wizard nobody has ever even seen who MIGHT be able to help her get back to the farm and her family?

OK, THAT'S BAD -- BUT HOW DOES HER PROBLEM GET WORSE? Not only would the journey be lengthy and hard under normal circumstances, it's made significantly worse by a witch hell bent on killing her and her friends as retaliation for the death of her sister.

If you can answer these questions about your main character in the pitch, I suspect that it will help it feel less "High Level" and more High Stakes, and get the reader wanting to know what happens to the MC more quickly. (Maybe???)

[titleknown]

HELLOWEEN #19: HARLAHAN

-HARLAHAN is a High Buffoon of Hell, with 22 Gladiatorial circuses and 16 eggs of slain High Buffoons. He may teach in the arts of performance and clowning, cause uproarious laughter to the point of pain in the summoner's enemies, and summon great carnivals and places of entertainment.

He appears as a hideous clown with an arm like a bullwhip and the neck of a snake, with one shriveled dragon's wing behind his back-

Torture in Hell is, like most things, a cutthroat competition, so a look at what is considered the "up-and-comers" is perhaps always worthwhile when analyzing. 

Such is the case with Harlahan. The entry in the Last Testament appears to have been written before his entry into the field of torture, and the records corroborate this.

He appears to have a background in entertainment, a ruthless field in Hell as the eggs containing the essences of other entertainers he... well, his word for it was "scrambled," can attest. They were, however, doubled from the amount he was stated as having in the Last Testament, perhaps a sign of the times. 

Torture is a difficult business to break into at the best of times, and his explanation was that he did something "very funny" that got the attention of those who approve of such things. Judging by the records (mostly redacted) it involved creating a large quantity of corpses.

I must mention, Our "interview" was less an interview and more akin to a sideshow patter, introducing me to his operation in a way that was perhaps akin to a public reputation skit in its attempts to misdirect from any potential failings...

...Hm, I know a stage magician who might have advice on mitigating this matter, noted for later, but I digress. But I did notice some tells. 

The prospective torture schema, small scale though they seemed, bore a striking resemblance to the works of Trixoin, not simply in their pacing but even in the core "beats." This seemed to grant them a very confused quality, where they appeared to be emulating both Hell's standard facilities of torture with the methods of Trixoin but ultimately having the advantages of neither.

When asked about this, he paused for a moment, his jocular grin turned sour. Then, as I was about to follow up, the band began to play "Stars and Stripes Forever" very loudly, followed by him stating he could not hear my question and ushering me onward.

Though, I did notice the rapid movement of the crew, and the fact that certain refurbishments seemed somewhat slapdash as I moved through the location, almost Potempkin in quality.

I would have done a follow-up with Trixoin upon this issue, but she appeared to be out on business that an imp told me involved acquiring a large amount of explosives. Hm...

-Xavier X. Xolomon , Monsterologist and Understudy to The Librarian Of Babel

--------------------------------

You can probably tell I used a picture of a Joker action figure as a base for this one, and the vibes kinda followed from there to do that sort of "evil clown" thing.

Though, of course, they're a very different shitty clown than The Joker, less unhinged more ruthless plagarist and "entrepreneur," which I think at least turned out fun.

As per usual the whole descriptions, designs, ectcetera from this project are free to use as you see fit under a CC-BY 4.0 license so long as I; Thomas F. Johnson, am credited as their creator!

#my art #my writing #helloween #demon #demons #creature design #character design #clown #harlequin

[ellaspore]

Hey Ella, do you think that besides Vegas, Porsche is also the only one that Pete is the most genuine and open to? And is that also why Vegas was also only open to Porsche in episode 13?

Hey @sukhoonluv thank you for asking my opinion and sorry for the late reply. (Life and work were being a bitch.)

So, without further ado to answer your question. 

How do we define being open and genuine? Do we want to define it as talking about ourselves, sharing our secrets or do we define it as caring about other people?

Because I think there is a world of difference between these two things.

If we define it as the latter, apart from his Grandma, I think Pete cares about a certain number of people: Arm, Pol, Tankhun, Porsche and Kinn. Those are the people he likes but if we are talking about him being open in the sense of sharing the innermost part of himself, I don't know if he ever was open to them, if he ever showed himself fully. 

Also I would say it is important to note that just because you hide parts of yourself that doesn't mean you are not genuine towards someone. You are just deciding what you want them to see, you want them to appreciate you and so you will only show the good parts instead of the whole, hiding what you perceive to be unacceptable flaws.

The issue is how can you be open to someone else if the first one you don't accept is yourself? If you think what you are won't be loved fully? And that's not on the people around you. It's not their fault. Showing yourself is a personal decision and shouldn't be put on anyone else. I do believe that’s the case with Pete, not that the people around him didn’t want to get to know him, but it was him that decided not to open up.

And I do think you can see this in both how Pete hides behind his smiles and in the way he chooses to give advice, never fully upfront in telling what he knows, not wanting to be told, living in the unsaid. 

However, for me, all of this doesn’t mean that Pete is not genuine in friendship, because I truly believe he cares a lot about his friendship with Porsche, proof of that is in the resignation scene and how close he was to telling the whole truth about what happened to him in episode 13. He just doesn’t feel like showing those parts of himself he has been keeping chained up until now.

I think it’s also important to keep in mind, as @lutawolf reminded me, that Pete recognised a kindred spirit in Porsche, as they both came from the streets and from a fighting and difficult background. That’s for this reason Pete comes to care in so little time about Porsche. But also, he recognised a kind of ingenuity, the way Porsche is true to himself no matter where he is, not because Porsche is morally sound, but because he just doesn’t care about others’ opinions of himself. And that’s something that Pete craves and admires as someone who is just so used to hide, the way Porsche just embraces himself. So for me the friendship between Pete and Porsche is really something so genuine and full of care.

So for the second part of your question, I think Vegas does like Porsche, not like an equal, because for Vegas, Porsche is too easy to manipulate, but Vegas does like him. But if we are talking about episode 13, the main reason he is so open is essentially one: Pete. What I mean is this: Porsche is the only person who can grant him what Vegas wants and that is "access to Pete" and he is trying in a way to prove himself and prove that he cares and he is willing to change for Pete. And the only way Vegas could do that was by being as open and honest and polite as he possibly could so that his feelings could come through.

#vegaspete #kinnporsche #ella's cursed thoughts #pete saengtham #vegas theerapanyakul #porsche kittisawasd

[dani-sdiary]

Joy is the Thief of Comparison

My parents are Shakespearean, star-crossed lovers, leads in a Hallmark movie. They have this incredible love story, like they're fictional characters in a Nicholas Sparks book.

They were born on different continents, spoke different languages, practiced different religions, had entirely different upbringings. My mother had married and divorced one time and had my older half-brother, and father had married and divorced three times. Neither of them were looking for a relationship when they met. My mother had never wanted to get married or have children in the first place. It was a definitely a case of opposites attract for them: they have almost nothing in common. My mother is this extroverted city girl who's friends with everyone, and my father is a mountain man recluse. And somehow, through all of those barriers, through everything trying to keep them apart, they found their way to each other in Iowa, of all places. My existence is proof that love really does conquer all.

Growing up with a living example of that in my own house made me take love for granted. Of course I would love and be loved, date, have casual sex, get my heart broken, break someone else's heart, marry. It was just a given, until it wasn't.

My friend and coworker is autistic, just like me, and one year older. She was diagnosed five years ago (when she was 14) and she was hired right after I had been diagnosed (at 17). She was lovely, lovely, lovely, helped me navigate the confusion, the grief, the anger. She was so open about her diagnoses, telling people right away. Her flavor of aw tysm is more severe than mine and she has more accommodations at school.

She's engaged. She's getting her ring by spring, and not even senior spring, but, like, this spring, her freshman spring. She's been with her fiance for 2 years, since she was one year younger than I am now. They were Jack and Sally for Halloween (she showed us the pictures of them kissing in costume), they're going to stay with her family in the opposite end of our state this Christmas, and his in Hawaii next year, and she took Valentine's Day off from work.

I had always licked my wounds by telling myself I was an irresistible femme fatale, but that my autism made it impossible for me to see how people really felt about me. I guess it's not that impossible.

And isn't it funny that the people who regurgitate this 1990's self-help book advice and projectile vomit this nonsense platitude all over you are always the very ones you're comparing yourself to? How am I supposed to escape it? I live with them, I work with them, I love and care about them, I want to spend time with my comparisons. I am around them constantly, and I'm happy for them and sad for me, and I can be both.

Comparing yourself to others is a natural human instinct, just like consuming an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's in one sitting. It's unavoidable and it's not a moral failing. Eventually, you reach the point where you're comparing yourself to people who are better at not comparing themselves to others.

Be kind to yourselves, darlings. Whatever form that takes for you. Be kind to yourself when you're happy, when you're sad, when you're angry, on good and bad days. Most importantly, be kind to yourself when you're mean to yourself.

#dating #love #lovers #relationship #relationships #couple #couples #romance #romantic #friends #iowa

[clemencetaught]

I wasn't sure if y'wanted them sent in today or tomorrow, BUT TO NOT MESS UP-- (you mentioned answering ic in the tags so yeeting these directly at Patrick >:3 sorry if they're too many omg)

Patrick (any verse)

What does it feel like when others depend on you, in one way or another?

Are you more prone to assuming someone needs you (in a service kind of way, for aid, for support-) or more likely to think they don't?

If psychics were 120% reliable and you could connect to those long gone… would you?

In which contexts are you more 'do as I say not as I do' and in which will you listen to your own advice?

Do you ever catch yourself growing… a little bitter, maybe, at people describing their comparatively 'mundane' problems? Is it envy?

Do you believe children should be shaped for the likeliest future or the future should be shaped for the children to come?

When is self-sacrifice acceptable?

When is hurting those you love acceptable?

in which the 54th victor of the hunger games gives an impromptu interview ( nosy questions for the birthday enby w/ @mythvoiced )

The tea cup is set on the saucer. Discreetly, Patrick slides his other hand into his pocket, where the synthetic patch on his palm wraps around his pocket knife– a habit of sorts, since he won his games. His pocket watch sits on the table, next to the saucier and on his lap, Sun has wrapped herself into a ball, her paws disappearing into the mass of orange fur. On the balcony outside his apartment in the Capitol, this is the only place Patrick knows he will be granted a modicum of privacy in the viper’s nest. 

The shadow of the balcony covers the upper half of his body. Sun keeps dozing on his lap, in the sun. 

Most times, when the questions are directed at him, they’re expecting an affirmative. Doesn’t matter if it’s coming from a District person or a Capitolite– they go to him for answers, first and foremost. And in the case of the latter, these questions are not questions so much as veiled demands. 

Ones that he must always accommodate, regardless of the nature of the demand. 

But these questions, this voice, is…well they seem genuinely curious. And the questions they’ve lobbed his way, they don’t seem to be expecting one correct answer.

Sun shifts on his lap. His leg vibrates from her purring. Patrick sighs, leaning back on his chair. “That…quite a lot of thoughts you have going on there, hm?” The knife stays in his pocket as he gently scratches the top of Sun’s head. “I’ll answer your second question first: people will always look out for themselves first. If they don’t think you’re useful, that you can contribute something good to their lives, then you’re dead to them, if they don’t kill you first. Make yourself indispensable to them and they won’t hurt you.” At least that’s what he tells himself– it’s easier to simply assume anyone who approaches him that they want something he can give them. “The younger victors will need someone to guide them anyway.” 

And even the ones who vehemently deny needing someone, anyone. Patience is always key in those instances– from Taiyang whom it took almost six years and his tribute’s sanity to finally approach Patrick to María, who still slaps away any hands offered, friend or foe. Ironically, he had to approach her first.  

“…I suppose I don’t think too much about that. If someone was asking for your help, you would be more caught up in what they’re asking, more than how you were feeling no?” A Trojan horse, he’s lobbed in their direction although he’s quick to revise: “...It scares me sometimes.” He confides, fingers pausing in their administrations on Sun’s head. Actually it scares him, a lot. “They’re…they’re relying on me to guide them to the best outcome and I want the same thing for them. I promise you, I really, truly do.” Whether it’s Hyuk, Devora, a tribute he’s been assigned to mentor, or any of the victors. And sometimes even the furball in his lap and yet– “But I…I can’t always guarantee that. But they still trust me, especially the younger ones.” The tributes from District Three– his tributes, the ones who take his hand, look up at him with wide eyes, clinging to every word, every gesture he makes as it will guarantee their survival. “Sometimes I think it would be better if they exercised more caution with me.”   

A smile, bittersweet, if not actually just bitter, graces his lips. He shakes his head though, chuckling at the next question. “...Forgive me, that’s quite a question you have there. ‘Psychics’... I don’t believe that’s information that just anyone, district or Capitol, can get ahold of–  although I have heard of some old religions still practiced in the districts so I suppose the knowledge and belief in such mediums is possible to get ahold of.” He stares down at his tea, the steam still rising. Even if it is a hypothetical question on a medium known to be more shoddy than reputable, he can’t help but pause. If they could contact those ‘long gone’; would that mean, if he asked them to, would he be able to speak to her one last time–

He shakes his head, eye catching his pocket watch, metal beaten and faded, the clock face wearing a crack down the right side. Still, it shimmers in the sunlight. “Even if I could, I…I highly doubt she would want to talk to me of all people.” If they hadn’t met, if they hadn’t fallen in love, she probably would still be alive. Tellessa’s family too. 

After all, he was the first person outside of Tellessa who knew about her forbidden books. “Wherever they are, it’s probably better than here.” Or at least he hopes it is for her. A place where life doesn’t have to be perfect, but it is…easier. A place for souls to rest at long last. If such a place even exists in the first place. He picks up his saucer once more, still careful not to jostle Sun on his legs. She’s taken to loafing now– he knows her eyes are closed even if her head dips every few seconds. But make no mistake, that does not mean she is unaware. Trusting of the one asking the questions. If it was just him, she would be stretched out, a white underbelly waiting for his hand to scratch kindly at the ceiling.

Perhaps the saying is true after all: like owner, like pet. Although Patrick would argue she’s more like Hyuk if anything.

“It depends on the circumstances,” he says as neutrally as possible. A vague answer for a hypothetical question, because that is truly it. “I suppose if one’s life was on the line, it would be better if they followed my lead, no?” 

Not that that’s stopped, those with rebellious tendencies from committing treason anyways. ( And unfortunately, he can name more than one. ) It is ironic in that manner– for someone who knows the system, knows how to work within the rules all, has spent years perfecting his craft in survival arts, it would make more sense to invest on those with similar goals. And yet here he is, worrying about the ones who are decided not interested in survival and therefore would spurn his advice at any given moments. “Not that…that following my advice has ever helped them make it through.” 

(His tributes. All thirty nine of them. No two games are ever the same, the gamemakers would never allow that. If the circus known as the Hungers Games must be reborn over and over again if it wishes to continue.)

He takes a sip of his tea, washing down the momentary displeasure. Or at least he thinks it will be only a moment long. “I suppose what a Capitol citizen would consider a ‘mundane issue’, as you put it, would differ from those of someone from the districts. The former does seem more inclined towards complaining if only to build comradery amongst one another. I’m just glad that they have such means to…channel their frustrations.” 

( It’s in times like those, where he wishes his temper could curdle, the way Devora’s does in the face of the Capitol Elite. How he wishes he could simply let her use the knife to silence those idle complaints. )

Patrick takes another sip of his tea. It burns in his throat. It’s bitter too– he must have let the leaves seep for too long. But the asperity doesn’t just settle on his tongue. “Are we talking about an ideal world or the one we live in now? Depending on who you ask this question to, you’re guaranteed to get quite…different answers.” A smile, as frigid as the shaved ice the Capitol serves as a delicacy during the games, crosses his lips. “Our great nation was built to provide safety and prosperity for the children. To serve them. Although whether the truth is actually the other way around will again, depend on who you ask. As a mentor to my tributes, I suppose…we can’t deny the reality in front of us, no?”

Sun yawns. He puts his tea down and idly, he scratches the underside of her chin and he feels her purring against his finger. “Are you sure you should be asking me that question? I would think there are more…suitable candidates for this question.” People like Hyuk, he means. People like María– the kinds who would gladly make sacrifices, give pieces of themselves for a cause. “Self-sacrifice won’t get you where you need to be– there’s a reason martyrs are only known after their death– they’re even given a chance to be known. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a fool. They’re only deluding themselves into believing they can make everything better. A…colleague of mine said it best: ‘a martyr works, a survivor works better’. If you want to truly help the ones around you, self-sacrifice will only get you so far.”

Or so Patrick claims. He can hear it though– the sound of Hyuk shouting at him to stop lying. The truth is, self-sacrifice, if it is for a tangible reason, is…well maybe it is not worthwhile, but it can be certainly respected, especially if this tangible reason is a human life. The Capitol will always wonder what spurred Patrick to hold his district partner’s hand even if it burned a hole through his skin, will always wonder why Taiyang insisted on protecting Link in the arena, will always wonder why, why, why would Devora so willingly serve as President Snow’s puppet even if it further severs her ties to the districts despite everything the games took from her.

They would never understand compassion in a dog-eat-dog world– self sacrifice.

“...However, I suppose, if there was truly a good reason to do so…well, I have yet to see it.”

( Like the promise of a better world. If there is even one that exists. )

His hand stops. Sun turns her head towards him, copper eyes watching him. “When do we not hurt the ones we love?” Perhaps the better question for him is: when is he not hurting the ones he loves? He saw it in her eyes and Hyuk’s too. And yet they forgave him, somehow, every time. If not for that, well…would there even be a reason to keep going? “That’s part of caring for someone, no? You are preparing for them to hurt you without retaliation.” He shakes his head, snorting. “I think the answer should be obvious, if it guarantees their well-being in the long run, I think that is a gamble to be considered. That being said–” 

Sun jumps off his lap and stretches, paws facing this curious passerby. Patrick crosses his legs, hands resting on his lap. A veneer, similar to the one he dons in the Capitol flashes through, even if he is not currently in his usual suit. “You wouldn’t want to be close with someone like me. I’ve been known to have…a reputation of sorts. One of burning and you could…no, you would most definitely get hurt, one way or another and we wouldn’t want that happening, no? Just a thought for you to consider.”

He watches Sun make her way to the sliding glass door in the shade. Her tails whips side to side as she looks up at the handle. Then she looks at him and meows. 

Patrick glances at his pocket watch. “It’s feeding time for Sun.” Well, sort of– it’s more like it’s half an hour before her feeding time, but he knows gets antsy the closer meal time gets around. But this person doesn’t have to know that. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be taking care of business now. If you need anything more, you know where to find me.”

Or better yet, he’ll know where to find them.

#long post cw #mythvoiced #the victor ( answered. ) #the victor ( verse three. ) #hahahahahahahahaha i asked for this and LENLEN DELIVERED :'DDDD #over 2k words....and it took three days for me to write and i wasn't allowed to stop...... #lenlen i love you....and this also killed me jc he REALLY TOOK THE REINS :'DD #and said 'this is my show now ferre you have no say in this.' #and i was compelled to go along :'DDDD #and he didn't even directly answer some of these questions i'm so sorry lenlen...u won't get a straight answer out of him #especially not in this verse </3 #i think i managed to name drop most ppl's muses in this too?? :DD #BUT THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THESE MY DEAR FRIEND MY WISH WAS GRANTED #i had a lot of fun writing this even tho i died somewhere in the middle :'D #so uh enjoy the philosophy and the hypocrisy and the sads(tm) of all of this?? ( and his cat too <3 ) #JFKLSDJFKLSDJ ONLY THIS ONE CAN FORCE ME TO WRITE 2K FOR HIM AND HIM ALONE :'DDDD

[eliazine]

Diving into trying to understand the level of Kinn's agency and Korn manipulation.

Third part of my reaction to @dancinbutterfly meta. (done for now ^^)

"The nuance, in this case is that Korn went at Kinn in a very specific way that in my opinion was different than the way it was largely applied to the greater staff. The word I am looking for here is finesse. Korn applied the BITE model with a maestro’s finesse."

As OP clearly demonstrates the major family definitly applies the BITE model to control its staff but I'm not so sure it does apply to Korn's own sons ? and if so how ? I need to ponder on this more.

Edit : on my nth re-read of the original meta, I finally shamefully noted that the emphasis made on the BITE checklist were on the criterias applied to Kinn and not to the staff as I understood it until then. And it is very clear and informative on the staff front but for Kinn, I'm less sure. OP would love to see more of your thoughts on the matter ! (a note to say that these posts are not there to contradict or correct you but just to help me formalize my understanding so I can make up my mind about it all)

So did Korn manipulate Kinn ? (well yes that is kind of his MO but I mean it in a self-serving/sacrificing Kinn to his own cause way)

Korn must also have been groomed by his father in becoming a successfull mafioso, one able to survive, thrive and even relish victory in this cut-throat environment, but I wouldn't define him as trapped by his upbringing (even if he may have his fair share of trauma based on what Gun infered about their "papa" ?).

Taking for granted that they have no moral dilemma regarding the Mafia, for him how would manipulatingly grooming differs from genuiningly teaching his child the skills he deems necessary to succeed in his foreseen carreer ?

Be it for his machiavelic needs or not, it seems telling that he is loved, trusted and seemingly not feared by his sons, most clearly by Kinn and Tankhun. They look to him for guidance, are open to him about their thoughts and feelings and he does seems to adapt his strategy to accommodate them. As an exemple, Kinn reveals his love for Porsche knowing it went against his father (anti)romantic advices but without looking even the least bit worried that it wouldn't be accepted

Do people feels that safe toward a cult leader manipulating them ? Don't they have a feeling even if they love him that they are not allowed to go astray ? I don't know, it may be the sign of a really skilled manipulator.

The only trouble seems that Korn has squeletons in the closet that wouldn't be a problem (well for their particular kind of moral compas) if Kinn was in love with anyone else. And I can see how he would want to avoid the problem by burying them and writing his own version of history.

On the other hand, I can see :

- the attitude of Kim hints at something more for now without explaining why. Kim is noisy but at the same time he doesn't seems to fear Korn (see, their conversation when Kim comes to sneak around but doesn't hesitate to question him openly about Big and Porsche ep5).

- There is also this major/minor dynamic that Kinn has been taught to be necessary because competition makes us stronger (what about now then ? was the lesson considered learned ?)

- The soldier child aspect that the boys were all trained to be killers (could it have been seen as necessary after Tankhun kidnapping ?)

- The singing competition interference (a blow for Kinn ego but well that's what money is for and seeing the way they interract it doesn't seems to be part of a greater list of stabs ? Kinn self confidence seems well established and indeed it needs to be for him to be a good heir)

So, am I missing something ? am I minimizing patterns of abuse ? Would love to be proven wrong and learn from it.

It makes me wonder about real cult heirs, are they really trapped themselves ? What would be the difference between a genuine cult leader and a trapped one not realising he is ? Does it matters ? why so or why not ?

In a more mundane way, I chose my career as a student based on my interest and validated my choice knowingly as an adult because I do like it. It is a path that aligns with what my family hoped for me. Not out of interest for themselves but because that was the way they thought would bring me happiness (understand : a job that is at least safe, stable and reasonnably paid). Was I manipulated in perceiving happiness this way ?

I guess the difference would be in wether or not my family would have respected my choice had it been different (allowing for some back and forth at first as they learn, adapt to the different way of seeing things that my choice may entails and reassure themselves that I will be fine. luckily for me, they did in other area of my life which makes me confident they would have).

So going back to Korn, I'm not sure I would call him manipulative toward his son and not accept at face value that he just tried to pass on the lessons he himself applied in his life (the rusty knife metaphor may have been genuinely given ?).

So the question would be, how would he react to Kinn leaving the mafia behind ? Would he try to break him into staying or would he stay emotionnaly calm, accept that Kinn's life isn't going that way, making him the wrong person for the role and find himself a willing and so more suitable heir (he may have to look for someone out of the biological family but considering the orientation of all his sons and nephews, letting go of the idea of blood dynasty seems to have been accepted some times ago)

#kinnporsche meta #parenting #manipulation #korn theerapanyakul #kinn theerapanyakul #not a korn apologist post #i just find his character fascinating #what am i going to do if there is no season 2 ?