#going from subjective omniscient to first person is not bad

[literary-illuminati]

Book Review 68 - Babel by R. F. Kuang

Overview

I came to Babel with extremely little knowledge about the actual contents of the book but a deep sense of all the vibes swirling around its reception – that it was robbed of a Hugo nomination (if the author didn’t outright refuse it), that it’s probably the single buzziest and most Important sf/f release of 2022, that it was stridently political, and plenty more besides. I also went in having mostly enjoyed The Poppy War series and being absolutely enamoured by the elevator pitch of an alternate history Industrial Revolution where translation is literally magic. And, well-

It is wrong to say I hated this book, but only because keeping track of my complaints and starting organize this review in my head was entertaining enough to keep me invested in the reading experience.

The story is set in an alternate 1830s, where the rise of the British Empire relies upon the dominance of its translators, as it is the mixture of translation and silverworking, the inscription of match-pairs in different languages on bars of worked silver and the leveraging of the ambiguity and loss of meaning between them that fuels the world’s magic. The protagonist is pluckted from his childhood home in Canton after his family dies in a cholera outbreak and whisked away to the estate of Professor Lowell, an Oxford translator he quickly realized is his unacknowledged father. He’s made to choose an English name (Robin Swift) and raised and tutored as a future translator in service to the Empire.

The meat of the story is focused on Robin’s education in Oxford, his relationship with the rest of his cohort, and his growing radicalization and entanglement with the revolutionary Hermes Society. Things come to a head when in his fourth year the cohort is sent back to Canton to, well, help provoke the first Opium War, though none of them aware of that. The final act follows the fallout of that, by which I mean it lives up to the full title of “Or the Necessity of Violence: An Arcane History of the Oxford Translators' Revolution”.

To be clear, this was technically a very accomplished book. The writing never dragged and the prose was, if not exactly lyrical, always clear and often evocative. Despite the breadth of space and time the story covers, I never had any complaints about the pacing – and honestly, the ending was, dramatically speaking, one of the more natural and well-executed ones I’ve read recently. It’s very well-constructed.

All that being said – allow me to apologize for how the rest of this is mostly just going to be a litany of complaints. But the book clearly believes itself to be an important and meaningful work of political art, which means I don’t feel particularly bad about holding it to high standards.

Narrative Voice

To start with, just, dear god the tone. This is a book with absolutely zero faith in its audience’s ability to reach their own conclusions, or even follow the symbolism and implication it lays down. Every important point is stated outright, repeated, and all but bolded and underlined. In this book set in 1830s England there are footnotes fact-checking the imperialists talking heads to, I guess, make sure we don’t accidentally become convinced by their apologia for the slave trade? Everything is just relentlessly didactic, in a way that ended up feeling rather insulting even when I agreed with the points Kuang was making.

More than that, and this is perhaps a more subjective complaint but – for an ostensible period piece, the narrative voice and perspective just felt intensely modern? This was theoretically an omniscient third person book, with the narrative voice being pretty distinct from any of the actual characters – with the result that the implicit narrator was instead the sort of person of spends six hours a day getting into arguments on twitter and for this effort calls themselves a progressive activist. The identities of all the characters – as delivered by the objective narration – were all very neat and legible from the perspective of someone at a 2022 HR department listing how diverse their team was, which was somewhere between a tragic lost opportunity to show how messy and historical racial/ethnic/national identities are and outright anachronistic, depending. (This was honestly one of the bigger disappointments, coming from Kuang’s earlier work. Say what you will of The Poppy War series, the narration is with Rin all the way down, and it trusts the reader enough not to blink.) More than that it was just distracting – the narration ended up feeling like an annoying obstacle between me and the story, and not in any fun postmodern way either.

Characters

Speaking of the cast – they simply do not sound or feel like they actually grew up in the 19th century. Now, some modernization of speech patterns and vocabulary and moral commensense is just the price of doing business with mass market period pieces, granted, but still – no 19th century Anglo-Indian revolutionary is going use the phrase ‘Narco-military state’ (if for no other reason than we’re something like a century early for ‘narco-state’ to be coined as a term at all). An even beyond feeling out of time most of the characters feel kind of thinly sketched?

Or no, it’s not that the characters are thinly sketched so much as their relationships are. We’re repeatedly, insistently told that these four students are fast friends and closer than family and would happily die for each other, but we’re very rarely actually shown it. This is partly just a causality of trying to skim over a four-year university education in the middle third of one book, I think, but still – the good times and happy moments are almost always sort of skimmed over, summarized in the course of a paragraph or two that usually talk in terms of memories and consequences more than the relationships themselves. The points of friction and the arguments, meanwhile, are usually played out entirely on the page, or at least described in much more detail. In the end you kind of have to just take it as read that any of these people actually love each other, given that at least two of them seem to be feuding at any given point for the entire time they know each other.

Letty deserves some special attention. She’s the only white member of Robin’s cohort at Babel and she honestly feels like less of acharacter and more a collection of tropes about white women in progressive spaces? Even more than the rest, it’s hard to believe the rest of the class views her as beloved ride-or-die found family when essentially every time she’s on screen it’s so she can do a microagression or a white fragility or something. Also, just – you know how relatively common it is to see just, blatantly misogynistic memes repackaged as anti-racist because it specifies ‘white women’? There’s a line in this that almost literally says ‘Letty wasn’t doing anything to disprove the stereotype of woman as uselessly emotional and hysteric’.

Also, she’s the one who ends up betraying the other three and trying to turn them in when they turn revolutionary. Which is probably inevitable given the book’s politics, but as it happened felt like less of the shocking betrayal that it was supposed to be and more just, checking off a box for a dramatic reverse. Of course she turned on them, none of them ever really seemed to even like each other.

As a Period Piece

So, the book is set in the 1830s, in the midst of the industrial revolution and its social fallout, and the leadup to the First Opium War (which is, through the magic of, well, magic ,but also mercantilist economics, make into a synecdoche for British global dominion more broadly). On the one hand, the setting is impeccably researched, recent and relevant historical events are referenced whenever they would come up, and the footnotes are full to bursting with quotes and explanations of texts or cultural ephemera that’s brought up in the narration.

On the other, the setting doesn’t feel authentic in the slightest, the portrayal of the British Empire is bizarrely inconsistent, and all that richly researched historical grounding ends up feeling less like a living world and more like a particularly well-down set for a Doctor Who episode.

The story is incredibly focused around Oxford as a city and a university. There’s a whole author’s note about the research and slight changes made into its geography and I absolutely believe its portrayal as a physical location and the laws about how women were treated and how the different colleges were organized and all that is exactly as accurate as Kuang wanted them to be. The issue is really the people. With the exception of a few cartoonish villains who barely get more than a couple pages apiece, no one feels, sounds like, or acts like they actually belong in the 19th century. The racism the protagonists struggle with all feels much more 21st century than Victorian, and the frame of mind everyone inhabits still comes across more as ‘unusually blatantly racist Englishman’ than 19th century scholars and polymaths.

This is especially blatant as far as religion goes. It’s occasionally mentioned, sure enough, but to the extent anyone actually believes in Christianity it’s of a very modern and disenchanted sort – this is a society that sends out missionaries as a conscious tool of colonial expansion, not because of anything as silly or absurd as actually wanting to spread their gospel. Also like, it’s Oxford, in the nineteenth century. For all the racism the protagonists have to deal with, they should be getting so much more shit from ‘well-meaning’ locals and students trying to save their (one Muslim, one atheist, one probably Christian but black and protective of Haitian Vodou on a cultural level which would be more than enough) souls.

Or, and this is more minor, it is a central conceit of the whole finale that if a few (like, two) determined revolutionaries can infiltrate Babel they’ll be able to take the entire place hostage with barely any trouble. This is because the students and professors there are, basically, whimpy bookworms who’ll faint at the sight of blood and have no stomach for the sort of violence their work actually supports and drives. Which – look, I really don’t want to defend the ruling class of Victorian Britain here, but I’m not sure physical cowardice is really one of their failings, as a group? I mean, there’s an entire system of institutionalized child abuse in the boarding schools they went to to get them used to taking and dealing out violence and abuse. Basically every upper-class sport is thinly disguised military drill or ritual combat (okay, or rowing). Half of them would graduate to immediately running off and invading places for the glory of the queen. I’m not sure two sleep-deprived nerds with knives would actually have been able to cow the crowd here, is what I’m saying. (This would stick out less if the text wasn’t so dripping with contempt for them on precisely these grounds.)

Much less minor are our heroic revolutionaries themselves. And okay, this is more a matter of taste than anything but like – the Hermes Society is an illegal conspiracy of renegade current and former Babel scholars dedicated to using their knowledge of magic and access to university resources to oppose and undermine the British Empire in general and the work of the school in particular. Think Metternich’s worse nightmare, but in Oxford instead of Paris and focused on colonial liberation (continental Europe barely exists for the purposes of the book, Britain is Empire.) So! A secret society of professional revolutionaries in the heydey of just that, with a name that just has to be Hermetic symbolism, who concern themselves with both high politics and metaphysics.

They are just so very, very boring. This is the age of the Conspiracy of the Equals, the Carbonari, the Seasons! The literal Illumanti are still within living memory! Where’s the pageantry, the ritual, the grandiosity? The elaborate initiation rituals and oaths of undying loyalty? They’re so pragmatic, so humble, so (and I know I keep coming back to this) modern. It’s just such an utter wasted opportunity. Even beyond the level of aesthetics, these are revolutionaries with remarkably little positive ideology – the oppose colonialism and racism for reasons they take as self-evident and so don’t feel the need to theorize about it (and talk about them with the vocabulary of a modern activist, because of course they do), but they’re pretty much consciously agnostic as to what world should look like instead. They vaguely end up supporting a sort of petty-bourgeois socialism (in the Marxist sense), but the alliance with Luddites is essentially political convenience – they really don’t seem to have any vision of the future at all, either in England or the various places they claim as homelands.

On Empire and Industrialization

The story is set during the early nineteenth century, so of course the Industrial Revolution is a pretty core part of the background. The Silver Industrial Revolution, technically, since the Babellers translation magic is in this world a key and load-bearing part of it. Despite the addition of miracle-working enhancers and supports to its fundamental technology, the industrial revolution plays out pretty identically to history – right down to the same cities becoming hubs of industry, despite steam engines using enchanted silver instead of coal and thus, presumably, the entire economic and logistical system that brought this particular cities to prominence being totally unrecognizable. This is not a book that’s in any way actually about tracing how something would change history – which isn’t a complaint, to be clear, that’s a perfectly valid creative choice.

It does, however, make it rather galling that the single actually significant difference to history is that the introduction of magic turns the industrial revolution into a Legend of Zelda boss with a giant glowing weak point you can hit to destroy the whole enterprise.

On a narrative level, I get it – it simplifies things and allows for a far happier and more dramatic ending if destroying Babel is not just a symbolic act but also literally sends London Bridge falling down and scuttles the entire royal navy and every mill and factory in Britain. It’s just that I think that by doing so it trades away any chance for actually making interesting commentary on anti-colonial and -capitalist resistance. A world where a single act of spectacular terrorism really can destroy a modern empire is frankly so detached from our world that it ceases to be able to really materially comment upon it.

Like, the principle reason to not take the Luddites as your role models is not that they were morally vicious but that they were doomed – capitalism’s ability to repair damage to infrastructure and fixed goods is legitimately very impressive! Trying to force an entire ruling class not to adopt a technology that makes whoever commits to it tremendous amounts of money (thus, power) is a herculean task even when you have a state apparatus and standing army – adding an ‘off’ button to the lot of it just trades all sense of relevance for a satisfyingly cathartic ending.

(This is leaving untouched how the book just takes it as a given that the industrial revolution was a strictly immiserating force that did nothing but redistribute money from artisans to capitalists. Which certainly tracks as something people at the time would have thought but given how resolutely modern all the other politics in the work are rings really weirdly.)

All of which is only my second biggest issue with how the book presents its successful resistance movement. It all pales in comparison to making the Empire a squeamish paper tiger.

Like, the book hates colonialism in general and the British Empire in particular, the narrative and footnotes are filled with little asides about various atrocities and injustices and just ways it was racist or complicit in some particular atrocity. But more than that it is contemptuous of it, it views the empire as (as the cliche goes) a perpetually rotting edifice that just needs one good kick; that it persists only through the myth of its own invincibility, and has no stomach for violent resistance from within. Which is absolutely absurd, and the book does seem to know it on occasion when it off-handedly mentions e.g. the Peterloo Massacre – but a character whose supposed to be the grizzled cynical pragmatic revolutionary still spouts off about how slave rebellions succeed because their masters aren’t willing to massacre their own property. Which is just so spectacularly wrong on every axis its actually almost offensive.

More importantly, the entire final act of the story relies upon the fact that the British Empire would allow a handful of foreign students seize control of a vital piece of infrastructure for weeks on end and do nothing but try to wait them out as the national physically falls apart around them. Like, c’mon, there would be siege artillery set up and taking shots by the end of week two. As with the Oxford students, the Victorian elite had all manner of flaws – take your pick, really – but squeamishness wasn’t really one of them.

On Magic

So the magical system underlying the whole story is – you know how Machinaries of Empire makes imperial ideology and metaphysics literally magical, giving expert technicians the ability to create superweapons and destroy worlds provided that the Hexarchate’s subjects observe the imperial calendar of rites and celebrate its triumphs/participate in rituals glorying in the torture of its ‘heretics’? It’s not exactly a subtle metaphor, but it works.

Babel does something similar, except the foundational atrocity fueling the engine of empire on a metaphysical level is, like, cultural appropriation. As an organizing metaphor, I find this less compelling.

Leaving that aside, the story makes translation literally capable of miracle-working – which of necessity requires making ‘languages’ distinct natural categories with observable metaphysical boundaries. It then sets the story in the 19th century – the era of newborn nation states and education systems and national literatures, where the concept of the national-linguistic community was the obsession of the entire European intelligentsia. Now this is not a book concerned with how the presence of magic would actually have changed history, in the slightest, but like – given how fascinated it is by translation and linguistics you’d think the whole ‘a language is a dialect with a navy’ cliché would at least get a light mention (but then the book doesn’t really treat language as any more inherent or natural than it does any other modern identity category, I suppose.)

As an Allegory

Okay, so having now spent an embarrassing number of words establishing to my own satisfaction that the book really doesn’t work at all as a period piece, let us consider; what if it wasn’t trying to be?

A great many things about the book just fit much better if you take it as a commentary on the modern university with Victorian window-dressing. Certainly the driving resentment of Oxford as an institution that sustains itself and grows rich off the exploitation of international students it considers second-class seems far more apt applied to contemporary elite western schools than 19th century ones. Likewise the racism the heroes face all seems like the kind you’d expect in a modern English town rather than a Victorian one. I’m not well-versed enough on the economics of the city to know for sure, but I would wager that the gleeful characterization of Oxford as a city that literally starts falling to ruin without the university to support it was also less accurate in the 1830s than it is today.

Read like this, everything coheres much better – but the most striking thing becomes the incredible vanity of the book. This is a morality tale where the natural revolutionary vanguard with the power to bring global hegemony to its knees through nothing but witholding their labour are..students at elite western universities (not, I must say, a class I’d consider in dire need of having their egos boosted). The emotions underlying everything make much more sense, but the plot itself becomes positively myopic.

Beyond that – if this is a story about international students at elite universities, it does a terrible job of actually portraying them. Or, properly, it only shows a certain type; just about every foreign-born student or professor we meet is some level of revolutionary, deeply opposed in principle to the empire they work within. No one is actually convinced by the carrot of a life as an exploited but exceedingly comfortable and well-compensated technician in the imperial core, and there’s not really acknowledgement at all of just how much of the apparatus of international institutions and governments in the global south – including positions with quite a bit of real power – end up being staffed by exactly that demographic who just sincerely agree with the various ideological projects employing them. Kuang makes it far too easy on herself by making just about every person of colour in the books one of the good guys, and totally undersells how convincing hegemonic ideology can be, basically.

The Necessity of Violence

This is a pet peeve and it’s a very minor thing that I really wouldn’t bring it up if that wasn’t literally part of the title. But it is, so – it’s a plot point that’s given a decent amount of attention that Griffin (Robin’s secret older brother, grizzled professional revolutionary, his introduction to anti-colonialism) is blamed for murdering one of his classmates who had the bad luck to be studying while he was sneaking in to steal some silver – a student that was quite well-loved by the faculty and her very successful classmates, who have never forgiven him. Later on, it’s revealed that this is an utter rewriting of history, and she’d been a double agent pretending to let herself be recruited into the Hermes Society who’d been luring Griffin into an ambush when he killed her and escaped.

This is – well, the most predictable not-even-a-twist imaginable, for one, but also – just rank cowardice. You titled the book ‘the necessity of violence’, the least you can do is actually own it and show that violent resistance means people (with faces, and names, not just abstractions only ever talked about in general terms) who are essentially personally innocent are going to end up collateral damage, and people are going to hold grudges about it. Have some courage in your convictions!

Translation

Okay, all of that said, this isn’t a book that’s wholly bad, or anything. In particular, you can really tell how much of a passion Kuang has for the art and science of translation. The depth of knowledge and eagerness to share just about overflows from the page whenever the book finds an excuse to talk about it at length, and it’s really very endearing. The philosophizing about translation was also as a rule much more interesting and nuanced then whenever the book tried to opine about high politics or revolutionary tactics.

Anyways, I really can’t recommend the book in any real way, but it did stick in my head for long enough that I’ve now written 4,000 words about it. So at the very least it’s the interesting sort of bad book, y’know?

#book review #babel #r. f. kuang #sff #lesbian space atrocities #-ish #hatermode

[writingquestionsanswered]

when it comes to perspective, i have issue with how impersonal 3rd omniscient is, and how limiting 3rd limited can feel. i love writing like i’m inside the minds of all my characters, writing about their feelings and their current surroundings like i’m in all their heads at once rather than an observer, and i feel like it works for my storytelling better, but because of this i have no definitive perspective. do you have any insight on this?

Third-Limited/Omniscient Hybrid

We often say there are no rules to writing fiction while at the same time listing numerous rules one must adhere to...

The reason writing rules exist--whether we want them to or not--is because there are certain things that we know do well or do not do well, and some of those things are timeless. For example, if you write a story where you switch willy-nilly between first and third, present and past, that's generally not going to go over well with the reader. We know from centuries of good and bad fiction that, generally-speaking, we want to stick with one tense and one point-of-view, or at least save the switching for new scenes or chapters.

BUT... the reason we say there are no rules in writing is because some of the things that work or don't work come and go with trends and time. And also: some stories merit the breaking of rules, so it works when done right.

The rule regarding POV is that third-person omniscient must be objective and third-person limited must be subjective. However, I can tell you I've definitely read books where an omniscient narrator occasionally goes deep, and a limited narrator occasionally slips into the lived experience of another character. I've seen these methods described as "deep omniscient," "free indirect discourse," "guided head-hopping," and "intentional head-hopping," but there is not as of yet--as far as I know--an established POV that encompasses these techniques, or that encompasses the technique of having continuous deep omniscience.

Does that mean it can't be done? No. I think if it works for your story, all you can do is own it and do your best to do it well. Perhaps "third-person omniscient deep" would be an adequate way to describe it until an established label arrives on the scene, if it ever does. Maybe you'll be among the pioneers of this POV. As long as you're not making the switches out of convenience or carelessness, it's possible you could do it well.

Happy writing!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

LEARN MORE about WQA

SEE MY ask policies

VISIT MY Master List of Top Posts

COFFEE & FEEDBACK COMMISSIONS ko-fi.com/wqa

#wqaadvice

[immortalarizona]

hi! i’m curious about how you’re characterizing buppido in your OotA game—in my experience playing and planning to DM, i’ve had trouble connecting with him and figuring out how to make his twist surprising and impactful.

also if you have any similar thoughts for shuushar, that’s another blorbo i don’t know how to make compelling lol

I'm soooooo flattered to have gotten this ask from you!!!! first off, I would like to apologize if this is largely incoherent; I have spent a solid seven (7) of the past 24 hours playing two different D&D sessions, both of them pretty brutal combats. this is gonna be a loooooong post, so my answer is under the cut :]

also, if anyone reading this post happens to be one of my players going snooping for my blog, STOP READING NOW.

okay cool

I'll start each character section with a quick description I wrote for myself on each of their personalities (or my interpretations of them, at least).

Buppido

Buppido Diirdeklin is surprisingly talkative and friendly given the situation everyone is in. In fact, he doesn’t seem to be afraid of anything, diving into even the thick of battle with his perpetual, almost uncanny cheer. He seems to be very devoted to some deity unknown to non-derro, as after every battle, he kneels over the bodies of any enemy he has slain and appears to pray in silence for a few seconds. Buppido’s faith is the only subject which he remains reticent about, but he will happily engage in discussions of almost anything else with anyone else. He claims a desire to return to his people in Gracklstugh in order to help liberate them from their lives as second-class citizens under the duergar.

basically, how I saved Buppido thus far was through a lot of guilt-tripping the player characters and using what I knew of them (only what I reasonably figured he would know at this point; he's not secretly omniscient like Jimjar so there's only so much meta knowledge I can apply) to manipulate them. the angle I'm taking is that he wants something objectively good (for the derro to not be treated like dogshit) but is going about it in The most fucked up way possible (ritual murder because he think it'll give him back his divine power, which he can then use to fucking obliterate the duergar and free his people). he is very polite and has this veneer of kindness with which he treats the people he's manipulating. he will say whatever it takes to get the person he's talking to on his side, regardless of whether he actually believes it (but I do think it's more interesting if he genuinely believes he's doing the right thing). as an example of this in action, here's a copy of the monologue he gave the rogue when she was like "hey dude, I'm getting Real Bad Vibes from you, what's up." keep in mind that she is a tiefling.

"I heard what Kzekarit said to you a few nights back--so I trust that you will understand what it means to be judged solely on the basis of your blood. The duergar"--he almost spits the name--"have given us many names, none of them fit for polite company. Even our name in Undercommon comes from their word for 'derelict.' The audacity, when it is them that have forced us to live in the streets--if they allow us to live at all!" Buppido's voice has steadily been raising in volume this entire time, and he has to take a moment to catch his breath after that. When he continues, his voice is quieter, but no less passionate. "I have lived a long time. But I am blessed beyond measure. I am the exception. I am what is known among my people as a savant--one who has manifested magical powers. We are respected, yes, but. . . magic changes you. I have seen. . . things. . . in the shadows that I can never unsee. Things much worse than intellect devourers." His grip on his staff, which he is currently using as a walking stick, trembles, and he closes his eyes. "I have to believe that it was worth it. If I don't deliver us. . . no one will." He looks up at Promise again. "Do you understand now, little thief?" he asks, but it's not a question. It's a plea.

(for context, Sarith called the rogue "demonspawn" before promising that he would not hesitate to stab her if he saw a reason to do so when she asked where his loyalties lay.)

similarly, Buppido appealed to the ranger's sense of sympathy/pity with an excuse about nightmares and not entirely being himself when he woke up from one, which is why he tried to stab the twins. this was a bit of metagaming on my part, but the ranger is haunted by nightmares despite not sleeping (drow moment). it worked, and when the ranger had a mini emotional breakdown, Buppido then appealed to his sympathies further by patting the ranger's hand and saying that he would hug him, but he is not very tall, and his poor back can only take so much strain. the ranger then kneeled down, cast cure wounds to help Buppido's back pain, and gave him a hug. Buppido thanked the ranger for giving him another chance (as he had similarly given Sarith another chance) and told the ranger that he has a "good heart" and to "never change." (what he really meant was "you're so fucking easy to manipulate and I would prefer for that to not change.")

so, y'know. a lot of Manipulate Mansplain Manslaughter, with a side of Moral Complexity. like, man's a fucking serial killer, but he also has an ultimate goal which my party at least seems to empathize with. as for the emotional impact, you really only get as much out of the reveal as your players put into the character during the lead-up. my party has a Massive found family dynamic going already (Topsy has already sarcastically called the ranger, who she accidentally bit by the way, "dad," to give you a sense of how things are going), and Buppido fits right in as a sort of grandpa figure. he will find the most emotionally vulnerable PCs, worm his nasty little way into their hearts through false displays of kindness, and try to drive a wedge between them and any other characters who see through him. (I suggest giving him expertise in Deception. it feels appropriate.)

Shuushar

Shuushar the Awakened claims to have spent a lifetime in contemplation and solitary meditation in order to overcome his people’s legacy of madness, and it shows in the aura of enlightened calm he exudes despite the horrors he has suffered during his imprisonment. Nothing seems to be able to drive him to anger, and he is utterly unafraid to die for his belief in peace and goodness. He is always happy to offer tidbits of wisdom to those who ask for them, and also to those who don’t. Shuushar hopes to return to his hometown of Sloobludop in order to share his enlightenment with his fellow kuo-toa, as well as anyone else he encounters along the way.

Shuushar,,, drives my players a little bit insane, and I definitely haven't been utilizing his full potential (the players have been mostly fixated on Sarith, the twins, and the cleric NPC I brewed up to replace Eldeth). I've mostly been using him as a vehicle for foreshadowing through what I call Shuushar Stories. he's just. the Worst Fucking Storyteller and it's delightful to write, actually. here are two of the ones I feel contribute most to his characterization:

#1: Darklake Hag

“Yeah, so when they threw me out of Sloobludop, they didn’t even give me a boat, so I had to steal one. Or I was planning to, but then my friend Bloppdagadil snuck out after me to give me her spare boat and also a bag of crawlers. They weren’t fresh, but it was still a great gesture. What a gal. . . Shame the merrows got her. Nasty surprise when the fishermen I was traveling with pulled bits of her out of the Lake in their nets. . . Anyways, yeah, so I was traveling in Bloppdagadil’s boat when suddenly, I’m stuck on a sandbar! So I get out and try to push the boat back into the water when this weird green lady appears out of nowhere and asks me if I want to make a deal with her—I think it was for infinite wisdom or something. I told her, ‘No thanks, I’m good,’ and I push the boat back into the water. Enlightenment is more about the journey than the destination, really, and it wouldn’t mean anything if I didn’t earn it. . . The boat got caught in a whirlpool a few days later. I think it was the green lady’s fault. She said goodbye very ominously.” 

the key takeaways from this one are these:

the Darklake is dangerous, and Shuushar exists in a world where it's just Normal for people to die. you accept it. you move on. it is what it is.

he believes in the journey over the destination. the end does not justify the means.

he has a strong moral code and refuses temptation at every turn (you could play with this in your own campaign depending on how well your players take to him).

he is just a Weird-Ass Guy (affectionate).

foreshadowing for the green hag in the Darklake which I'm gonna present as an option to save Sarith (but at a COST, mwahahahaha).

#2: Funny Story, I Was Exiled

“I will warn you that I didn’t leave Sloobludop on the best of terms, really. Everyone was always moving, moving, moving with the land currents, but I just wanted to stand still for a minute. Ploopploopeen didn’t like that. He didn’t like that at all. . . Oh, Ploopploopeen? He was the archpriest of the Sea Mother—had just been promoted, and his first act was to tell me to never come back. Said I was a ‘bad influence’ or something, and that his daughter would get the wrong idea, watching me. . . I’m not mad about it. Love and fear, together, are a strange thing, and either one alone can drive people to do things they know in their hearts are wrong. Tost about by unseen currents. . . I wonder if he remembers me. I want him to know that I forgave him a long time ago.”

what this monologue was meant to convey:

foreshadowing, mostly. tryna set up Ploopploopeen's motives a bit better than in the module.

Shuushar has hidden depths! he's not some dumbass stoner (though I do try to portray him like he's constantly high, because I think it's funny), he has philosophy! and compassion! and an incredible ability to forgive those who have wronged him! he's a genuinely good dude!

the delivery of these really helped his character come across, tbh. (these ones were given during the session proper, not between via text chatting.) he's just spacey and--not monotone, exactly, but very level in his tone. he's calm. he's unshakeable. maybe your players will appreciate that, or maybe they'll find him annoying and want to stuff a rag into his mouth to get him to Shut Up. (and even that in itself can become compelling; I think we've got a bit of an in-joke developing that We Don't Let Shuushar Tell Stories.)

thanks for the ask, and I really hope this helped!! it was delightful getting to ramble about my own devious machinations, and I would be happy to chat further about my takes on each of the NPCs if you so desire :D

#screams from the void #dnd #oota #out of the abyss #road trip to hell #buppido #shuushar the awakened

[historyhermann]

Otaku Elf Review

Otaku Elf, also known as Edomae Erufu, is a fantasy comedy anime. It is based on a seven-volume manga illustrated and written by Akihiko Higuchi. Directed by Takebumi Anzai, it is produced by C2C, a studio founded in April 2006. This post will have spoilers.

Reprinted from Pop Culture Maniacs and Wayback Machine. This was the thirty-fourth article I wrote for Pop Culture Maniacs. This post was originally published on June 5, 2023.

This series focuses on a sixteen-year-old named Koito Koganei (voiced by Yuka Ozaki). She becomes a shrine maiden, known as miko, at a shrine in Takamini after the death of her grandfather. As a result, she becomes the caretaker of Eldarie "Elda" Irma Fanomene (voiced by Ami Koshimizu). Elda is an immortal and beautiful elf summoned from another world. Koito encounters challenges as Elda is an otaku and hikikomori/shut-in who fears going outside the shrine following an unpleasant interaction many years prior. Even so, she attempts to get Elda to enjoy life outside the shrine.

Originally, I had not been planning to write a review of this series because I'm already reviewing nine other series this season, either about magical girls (Soaring Sky! Pretty Cure and Tokyo Mew Mew New), legendary warriors (Unicorn Warriors: Eternal), VTubers (Kizuna no Allele), a yuri-themed cafe (Yuri Is My Job!), golf girls (Birdie Wing), idols (Oshi No Ko), or other subjects (Alice Gear Aegis Expansion and Skip and Loafer). One motivation for writing this review was because of Sailor Moon, which I'm currently watching, for the first time. It features Rei Hino as a shrine maiden, when she isn't Sailor Mars.

The animation style, comedy of an immortal elf being an otaku meeting a normal person, and the centrality of food, drew me in. The latter is primarily grounded in the cooking by Koyuzu (voiced by Hitomi Sekine), the younger sister of Koito. The same can be said for Koito and Elda's stories often becoming intertwined. Also, there are characters which are portrayed as "cute", like Koito's friend Koma Sakuraba (voiced by Haruka Aikawa).

I liked that every episode of Otaku Elf has some story about past Japanese culture, especially from the Edo period. Of course, Elda does all she can to impress Koito no matter what. This is despite the fact that although she has a laptop, she doesn't know how to use a cell phone. When she does use it, she texts so much that she angers the spirits! Elda does not know everything, however, and doesn't pretend she is all-knowing. She is wise, but not omniscient.

Yordeilla "Yord" Lila Fenomenea (voiced by Rie Kugimiya) and Himawari Kohinata (voiced by Teru Ikuta) are a good addition to the series. Yord is a dark-skinned elf, who is bad at directions, and has an absurd rivalry with Elda over an equivalent of tic-tac-toe. Dr. Akane Sasaki (voiced by Yumi Uchiyama) was similarly a positive character. In fact, she is shown in the seventh episode with Kadoi, getting drunk at a bar, with both of them as an interesting pair of characters together.

There is undeniable yuri subtext in this series, specifically between Koito and Elda, especially shown in the fifth episode. Otaku Elf has a degree of intimacy it can turn to and expand in each episode. As such, the series centers on the importance of spending time with others above everything else. In that way, Otaku Elf is special.

In marked contrast to Birdie Wing, the value of studying, and education as an extension, is emphasized through Koito's intense studying in the sixth episode. The importance of taking breaks and not over-extending oneself is an interrelated theme.

I like the slice-of-life nature of Otaku Elf. This makes it different from magic-themed series such as Healer Girl and Management of a Novice Alchemist. Similarly, it is nothing like recent slice-of-life anime. The latter includes Let's Make a Mug Too, The Aquatope on White Sand, Teasing Master Takagi-san, and Laid-Back Camp.

The series differs from YuruYuri, Gabriel DropOut, Is the Order a Rabbit?, Kin-iro Mosaic, Non Non Biyori, K-On!, and Azumanga Daioh, in the same genre. Elda is a living history resource, who is good at origami, but can have awful nightmares. There's occasional casual alcoholism. But, it isn't as present as it is in Bocchi the Rock!. The latter features a sick bassist named Kikuri Hiroi, who spends most of her money on booze.

The seventh Otaku Elf episode was one of the best in the entire series. It primarily focused on Koyuzu and her desire to spend more time with her sister, Koito. Some of the funniest sequences in the episode was when she charmed people in a wholesale market so she could get fish for free.

The latter episode was only rivaled by the eighth episode. It focuses on Elda meeting another elf, named Haira (voiced by Mamiko Noto). Some of the best parts were having the historical remembrance shown in anime style resembling wood block art.  The episode features another miko, named Komari, the same age as Koito. Haira is an elf with beauty only matched by Elda. She is older than Elda and Yolde, treating them as her younger sisters. The episode implied Elda is a lesbian, as she said she liked all the teahouse girls during the Edo period.

By the end of the episode, it is clear that the series is uncritical of the fact that Komari was a social influencer and that Haira was a gambler. Even though Komari was critical of Haira for gambling, she tells Koioto that if Haira is doing what she likes, it is ok. On the one hand, this makes sense as Komari had been with Haira since she was young, allowing her to take candid photographs.

On the other, Otaku Elf, by saying that Haira's desire to be a gambler is ok, implies it is a non-issue and downplays it as a problem. Most gambling is prohibited in Japan. There are exceptions for some motor sports and horse racing. The latter is something that Haira said she wanted to do during the episode.

There is an ample culture of gambling in the island nation. The island has a difficult relationship with it. There is inconsistency between reality and law. Some have pushed to completely legalize gambling across the island. Even so, some people, and groups, have objected to expanded gambling in Osaka. They have argued that crime and addiction (to gambling) will rise as a result. Those caught gambling illegally in Japan can face fines or jail time. This hasn't stopped gambling from becoming pervasive, nor the millions afflicted with gambling addiction. The series could have done a better job with this topic.

Despite the problematic approach to gambling, the series often highlights the importance of remembering the past and preserving it. In the ninth episode, Elda reads a manga that has been published for over 30 years. She reorganizes her room due to a ceiling leak (with the help of Koito) and finds an old videotape. Often series only focus on new technology. They act like anything deemed "analog" isn't worth bringing up. In some cases, there is a blend of the "old" and "new". In the case in Steven Universe, a videotape of the protagonist's mother (Rose Quartz) plays an important role in the series.

Similarly in Otaku Elf, Koito sees a videotape for the first time, and goes to her grandmother, who has an old Betamax player, excited to watch a tape of something recorded from before she was born. She learns that her mother, shown on the tape, was also a miko of Elda as well! In a typical scene, Elda embarrasses Koito. She thinks she will be picked up in a "bridal style" pose and runs away as a result. The latter is part of the ongoing yuri undertones of this series, even though Elda and Koito have more of a master-student relationship than anything that is romantic.

Otaku Elf is much more than a series with endearing character dynamics. It has a protagonist (Elda) who deeply cares about the town she lives in, a neighborhood of Tokyo, I believe. Unlike some other anime this season, such as Alice Gear Aegis Expansion, there's no fan service. Nor are there any characters which are "one-off jokes". In fact, the series, in some ways, counts as an isekai. It has a "genuineness and pleasantness" which evades many anime these days.

The show's animation studio is known for producing over 16 series, including two I'm familiar with: Hitori Bocchi no Marumaru Seikatsu (based on a manga by Katsuwo who also wrote Mitsubishi Colors) and Wandering Witch: The Journey of Elaina. None of the story elements in either of those series are present in this series.

The voice cast of Otaku Elf is just as strong as the show's opening song. Ami Koshimizu, who voices Elda, also voices the caddy of Aoi in Birdie Wing (Amane Shinjо̄), Mizuki Nakahara in Lycoris Recoil, Makoto Kino/Sailor Jupiter in Sailor Moon Crystal, Shiori in Princess Connect! Re:Dive, Yang Xiao Long in RWBY: Ice Queendom, and Konomi Yurikawa in Yurikuma Arashi. Yuka Ozaki, the voice of Koito, has lent her voice as Asuka Toyama in BanG Dream!, while Hitomi Sekine, voice of Koyuzu, voiced characters in Teasing Master Takagi-san, Konosuba, and Ms. vampire who lives in my neighborhood.

Haruka Aikawa, the voice of Koma, previously voiced a character in Shikimori's Not Just a Cutie. Mamiko Noto, voice of Haira, voiced a supporting character named Kazuki Kosuda in B Gata H Kei - Yamada’s First Time, Hakko in Canaan, Elsa in Gunslinger Girl, Kanon's mother in Love Live! Superstar!!, Shimako Toudou in Maria Watches Over Us, Gin Todo in A Place Further Than the Universe, and Saki Arima in Your Lie in April, and many other roles.

All in all, Otaku Elf is highly relatable to the hundreds of thousands of shut-ins in Japan, which the government believes is a "new social issue", and those elsewhere in the world. It might even draw in an audience from anyone who is living at "home" with their parents, or others living a "hermit-like" existence, being social recluses from society.

In any case, I recommend this series highly. I hope that it receives a second season, even though that is unlikely considering the last nine series by the same studio have not been renewed. Often, companies try and limit corporate risk by planning out each season for only 11-13 episodes. If the show is a success, "additional seasons can be ordered" as noted by Justin Sevakis.

Otaku Elf is currently streaming on HIDIVE.

© 2023 Burkely Hermann. All rights reserved.

#otaku elf #pop culture #reviews #birdie wing #videotape #yuri #betamax #steven universe #bocchi the rock #gambling #vhs #hidive #alice gear aegis #voice actors #renewal #anime #Youtube

[rainbowvamp]

So, my original author's note in "Mess of a Dreamer (With the Nerve to Adore You)" is oppressively long. I'm going to post it here and link to it at the beginning of the fic.

I could just say less but... it's me. I'm not gonna do that.

Hello All, If you’re coming here from the letters fic (Unsent Letters: Nameless Stranger), welcome back. If you’re new, then simply welcome. This fic series has wormed it’s way very deeply into my heart (and soul, and all my other body parts honestly). I adore this second installation to the series, even though it has fought it’s own creation every step of the way I have been working on this beast of a fic for 6 months, and it is only half way finished. At the time of writing, this fic is a work in progress, but it is very thoroughly planned and I currently have enough completed chapters to post one chapter hopefully every week or two for the rest of the summer. Posting schedules and I don’t really get along, though, so we’ll see how that goes. I would like to thank everyone who read and commented so generously on the previous installation of this series. Reading through those comments has been what kept me motivated to work on this project when it was refusing to be cooperative. I'm not kidding about the fight it's put up. I will not promise that this fic will be what you wished for, or that it will be good, but I promise that it is written with love, and it is an offering from me to the very concept of dreams coming true. This fic is written in third person, limited to either Dream or Hob with a very occasional intercession of a more omniscient narrator. The first part of the first chapter is that omniscient narrator, so if you hate it, don't worry. It's not going to be like that often. I also want to talk about Gender as it applies to Dream of the Endless in this fic. Dream (in my own self-indulgent head canon) uses both he/him and they/them pronouns. My aim (and if all went well in the editing, my achievement) is to use they/them pronouns in the narrative spaces relegated to The Dreaming and he/him pronouns when Dream is in The Waking World. My rationale for this is that Dream is everything in The Dreaming, is every aspect of it, in fact, and so it would make sense that Dream would think of himself as “themself” not bound by gender, even though in the Waking World he takes on a masculine presentation (and pronouns). Of course, Dream never communicates this pronoun preference to Hob (shocker), and so anytime we’re reading through Hob’s point of view, Dream will be referred to with he/him pronouns, no matter if it’s in The Dreaming or The Waking World because that’s what Hob knows. I am very much taking the approach of “Dream is casual about their gender” and is in fact one of those people who when asked explicitly about their pronouns would respond “any”. While I was writing Unsent Letters I spent a lot of time exploring the depth of Hob’s love for Dream, his wonder at the world, and his growth over 600 years alive on earth. I don’t know if I can write prose as poignant as some of those letters felt, but these aspects of Hob’s character are so important to me, and so I am trying to do them justice while giving Dream the same sort of death and development. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a bit out of practice with writing prose, and so "trying" is the best I can do. This is still a work in progress, subject to small revisions and edits even after I’ve posted, so if you feel you have guidance to offer as a beta reader, please come and see me on Tumblr. I’d prefer these conversations happen in private. All that being said, I hope you enjoy this second installment. I have put my soul into this project and I hope that means it turns out well. Shout out to insanityallowance on Tumblr for doing an initial beta read. I have messed with this fic a lot since then, though, so all mistakes are 100% my bad. With all my love, Lore aka Rainbowvamp

#this is about the letters fic

[nyoomzz]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Thanks....

hi!! sorry for the late answer i have to consider a lot about this lmao. i apologize in advance because i'm bad with character rankings, so: this top 10 are not in any order, i limit myself on one character per series, and it's probably rly rly subjective and even then i'm still not sure so it's more like just a ten characters i love list :D

kim dokja (omniscient reader's viewpoint): character of all time, really. it's actually so hard to verbalize how much i love him but--someone who finds himself unlovable but loves with all his heart. i adore his dynamics with every single other character in orv and the writing utilized a very interesting first person pov in his stead. also he's a sad pathetic loser and that's why he's so perfect

takumi asa (ikoku nikki): a young girl who's just a girl--she's silly and outgoing and withdrawn and serious, she's trying her best to be the her that she wants to be. i just feel like she's written with so much empathy and care and it shows in how wonderful her character arc is so far 🥺🥺 i truly love her so much

iwakura mitsumi (skip to loafer): a girl with SO much dream and spirit, how can you not adore her!! overwhelmingly honest with herself and so emotionally intelligent anyone would be shamed. just such a refreshing character to see when we're talking abt a story of youth

natsume takahashi (natsume yuujinchou): you can literally feel his compassion from just reading/watching him he's just so 😭😭 the epitome of you need to choose to be kind yourself but it's only from others that you could get to know what kindness is in the first place. he has to learn to accept that he is loved first to properly love!! that's peak fiction!!

hinata shoyou (haikyuu): actual ball of sunshine and probably who made me end up loving outgoing characters lmao. infectious passion and just absolute masterful writing. haikyuu is just rly good but hinata's character arc is an all timer

sohma yuki (fruits basket): all he ever wants to be is to be kind and to be himself!! i feel like i need a read to get a proper grasp on him but his arc means so much to me. once again, learning to be loved to love

hild (vinland saga): i'm unreasonably attached to her and it's probably not stopping for a long time lol. how she parallels with the mc but is her own person, letting go of the grief and anger and relearning to believe in others. also i simply have the biggest crush on her

qi yan (clear and muddy loss of love): girlboss gaslighter, something is just so wrong with her. the conflicting feelings between revenge and lesbianism and everything else is just so good. a pathetic little meow meow with several successful assassinations under her belt

anonymous (shimanami tasogare): to live positively in isolation, to be alone but not lonely... they're the first one to taught me that it's possible. so much charm in just a short character arc

kodama sakuko (koisenu futari): she means so much to me!! straightforward and honest and always true to herself. very very amazing journey of self discovery i have never been so proud of a character!!

perhaps half of this would make no sense without the context that comes with the character's story but i hope this is decipherable lmao

#tldr i love characters who are inherently kind but still has to put an effort to show that kindness #especially when it comes to learning that they to are worthy of love and deserving of kindness #just. clenches fist. these kinda guys #that's why it ended up such a long post. sorry about that

[klywrites]

oho I wrote approximately 1k words tonight in like half an hour, which is more than I've written in a million years :o

I wish every writer in stagnation to be blessed with this miracle

#are they good words #probably not but whatever #i don't know where it's going but im done for the night #but now I wanna work on the former tsq #going from subjective omniscient to first person is not bad #except i have trouble balancing out which characters to focus on #a problem (or maybe it isn't one) for future me #process.

[idiotic-genius]

How to write an immersive scene

requested by @noa-i - check out their blog, they have amazing lists of helpful links to writing guides!

As a writer, it is mostly inevitable to get to the point in writing where you are questioning whether anyone will actually want to read what they have created. A question greatly important to writing something the reader gets hooked up with is: How do I lure them in and make them feel like they are part of something? Sometimes, writing immersive makes THE difference between a scene quick to skip over and a scene you can't take your eyes off. But how do you create immersion?

In this post: 1. Worldbuilding 2. Narrators 3. Writing visually 4. Setting the scene 5. Example to summarize

Step 1: Learn your own facts

It might be banal, since you are the author, to re-read your own notes and think about what you have written so far. However, to get the reader hooked up, make them INTERESTED. This is easily accomplished by creating a detailed fictional world that doesn't seem flat. It might be a tiring process, but it always pays off! Knowing exactly what kind of world your character finds themself in makes it a lot easier to fill in details that subconsciously make the reader believe they are dealing with an actual real-world instead of "just" a fictional one. But even though it may seem harsh, cutting out some details and facts might make the reader feel much more comfortable. Their mind wants to insert them into the universe they're reading about, so overloading them with too many unnecessary details can be just as defeating as giving them too little info. Here is a link to a great beginners-guide on worldbuilding.

Step 2: Know your narrator

As we all know, there are a bunch of different narrator types to pick from when starting a new story, and each of them is good for a different thing- reaching from the typical first-person narrator (The Hunger Games, Percy Jackson) over personal third-person (Warrior Cats, Harry Potter) to omniscient third-person (Anne of Green Gables) and biased third-person (A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy). If you are writing an unbiased third-person narrator in your WIP, you can just skip this step. However, if you have any indication at all in your story as to who the narrator is, you might want to think about this more closely. The narrator is the bridge that connects the reader to the fictional world. To immerse the reader in a book, it's usually easiest to use the first-person narrator or the personal third-person narrator, because that way the reader will either imagine themself as the narrator or as a friend of the main character, which keeps them interested. If your narrator is an actual character in the story, it is necessary to keep their speech and description patterns consistent with themselves and the events of the story. For example, a character narrating that has never visited a school or similar should not use highly scientific words to describe what's going on, etc, because it will interrupt the reader's reading flow and disturb the immersion just as much as time skips do.

Step 3: Writing visually

After making sure you have the narrator and the world they're in all set, it's time to choose a writing style, more specifically, to decide the visuality of it. What I mean by that is that having a fictional world so flat it's boring is just as bad as not describing it in a way that delivers it in the way it deserves to be delivered. Picture it like this: Every scene starts in a white room, with neither windows nor doors. If you as the writer don't describe what is going on in that room and what it looks like, at best while keeping the narrator's character in mind while doing so (to make it "3D"), the reader will never know what is actually happening. This also includes adapting the length and complexity of sentences to the scene: In a combat scene, you will usually find short and cut-throat sentences to represent the intensity and living-in-the-moment mindset of a fight, however, in a meaningful conversation between two characters about a heavy subject, it's more likely that longer and more complex sentences are of use to mirror the narrator's deep thinking of the subject and their concentration on the conversation.

Step 4: Setting the scene

By setting the scene, you fill in this white room in the reader's mind, adding characters, sounds, furniture, windows, and scenery in general, while still leaving space for the reader to fill in the blanks. To find a middle between these two extremes is up to every individual writer and depends on the writing style. If you over-describe the room, the reader will know every detail about it, but it will take away their focus from what is actually happening in the scene. However, if you don't set the scene at all, the reader automatically makes up what the room might look like based on what they imagine, and then breaks out of the immersion as soon as you mention something, later on, to be in the room that they did not picture. For example, if you just say that A enters B's bedroom, the reader might quite as well imagine there to be small windows, some bookshelves, a standard bed, etc. If you don't set that up right in the beginning and later on mention that B has small windows, the books stacked on the floor, a bunch of plants, an aquarium, and a bunk bed, the reader will get confused because it doesn't fit what they had pictured before. So ask yourself: What is so important that the reader should know it before the scene actually starts? Context also matters in that case.

5. Example

In the following, I will write the same scene multiple times in different styles to illustrate what makes a difference in writing immersion. The scene goes as following: Jae falls into a dark room underground with a hooded, mysterious person waiting for him. The hooded person greets him and lights a candle, and in the emitting light, Jae realizes who he is talking to. Remember: These are more caricatures of the different writing styles than actual representation and are very overexaggerated, but you get the idea.

1. first-person narrator (Jae), scene not set properly, no visual writing, no consistency in speech pattern

After three seconds, I landed on something soft and realized I had landed in a chamber underground, slightly lit by the moonlight above me. I walked through the only doorway and found myself in a second room. A hooded figure in the middle of the dark lifted their arm. From the table beside them, they picked up a candle and lit it using a lighter. "Hello, Jae", they said, and in the newly emitting light, I recognized them in front of the fireplace.

-> feels flat and jumpy, gives no significance to the change of scenery

2. biased third-person narrator, scene set properly, overly descriptive visual writing, consistency in speech pattern

After falling for what felt like an hour, even though it was probably just a few seconds, Jae finally landed on something soft. Before even attempting to get up, he shivered at the fresh memory of what slimy, earthy, suddenly appearing tunnels felt like. He stared up through the hole at the moon and the stars, and immediately recognized the constellation of Cassiopeia, high up above him. Cassiopeia is said to have angered the Gods, so they gave her the gift of divination, but made it so that nobody would ever believe her prophecies, finally banning her into the sky as this constellation. Weirdly enough, the stars' pattern doesn't look like a woman, or a human, at all. Jae slowly stood up from where he landed and realized he had fallen onto a rather big cushion with a print of primroses in yellow, pink, red, and blue. He looked around in my new location and found himself stuck in a small portico with no windows at all and only one doorway. The walls seemed just as dirty and muddy as the tunnel he had fallen through, and as he looked closer, he spotted about a dozen small, pink worms slithering through the soil. The floor on the other hand was made out of dark wooden panels- if you wanted to call it a "floor". The pieces were just loosely stuck onto the earth underneath, and mud squeezed out from the gaps in between. Jae slowly walked over them and reached the doorway after just four steps. He saw a hooded figure standing in the center of the next room. The room had two sources of lighting: One, the moonlight shining through the disgusting tunnel, and two, a crackling fireplace. It looked like it belonged in a small cottage, being made out of red bricks and looking a little old with the small black-and-white pictures put on top of it. The flickering orange glim of the fire met the silvery-white shine of the moon in the middle of the room. On the right side, Jae saw a big old round table made out of similar wood as the floorboards outside. There were obvious scratches on it, some made by smaller knives, others bigger and maybe made by swords, with splinters on their edges. Apart from two, the fours chairs around it seemed just as maltreated, but the two others were polished and reflected the two light sources, with no scratch marks at all. On top of the table rested a metal candlestick with one slightly burned-down candle stuck inside it. The candlestick had a few scratches as well, on the side and at the bottom. "Hello, Jae", the figure said snarkily, with a voice deep and rough like sandpaper. They wore a black cape, smooth on what Jae could see of the inside and rough on the outside, with a big hood covering their hair and most of their face. A few of the blue buttons with a golden pentagram engraved on them were missing from the coat, and it was slightly ripped in a few places. One strand of dark hair fell into the person's eyes as they reached out for the candlestick, lighting the candle inside with a silver zippo-lighter. The lighter had small scratches as well as a few symbols on it. Slowly, the flame grew bigger and bigger, until the shine from below reached the figure's face. Jae's eyes went big as he realized who he was talking to.

-> little place for the reader's fantasy, but details make scenery deeper and less flat. This kind of description does make sense if the narrator/the character the narrator fixates on (Jae in this case) is very observant and/or intelligent because they will notice details that others don't. The question is whether those details are important enough to keep in the story.

3. first-person narrator (Jae), scene set properly, visual writing, consistent speech pattern

After what felt like an eternity of falling and silently begging not to die from the impact, I finally landed with my eyes squeezed shut. Okay, legs, arms, and head still in place... I slowly opened my eyes again, realizing I had landed on a soft pillow with a flower print. Cautiously, I got up, gazing up at the tunnel through which I had fallen. The view of the slimy earth made me shiver involuntarily as I blinked against the bright moonlight far above me. The sky was clear enough to see stars, which could have been far more enjoyable if it hadn't been for my miserable situation. I had landed in a small chamber underground, with a single doorway leading into a bigger room. The walls were just pure earth and seemed to swallow all noise, but when I took the first step, the sounds of my shoes on the dark wooden floorboards and of the mud squishing out from beneath them was louder than I had anticipated. I could hear the crackling of fire from the next room and see the orange glow as I made my way over to the doorway and took a glimpse into it. The room was not very big, but also not as small as the one I had landed in. There wasn't much space because of a wooden round table and four chairs, which all seemed very old and maltreated, judging from the scratches on them. I could make out a few pictures on the fireplace, and in front of that- "Hello, Jae." I had to suppress a gasp as I realized that I was not alone. In the middle of the room, right where the silvery moonlight and the orange glow of the fire met, stood a hooded figure. Their coat looked as old as the few pieces of furniture, with missing buttons and rips. I couldn't make out much of their face, even though I squinted my eyes, but the flickering light made it hard to see anything, let alone recognize. But that voice... Before I could come to a conclusion, the figure reached for a metal candlestick standing on the table and lit the candle inside with a silver lighter. As the flame grew bigger, they dispelled the shadows below the hood that had disguised the person's features before. I could feel my eyes get big as I finally realized who was standing before me.

-> Gives enough information to "fill the white room" without dwelling on details too much, shows the context of the story, gives Jae a consistent personality

So that's it for this post! I hope I managed to pass on a thing or two that I learned while researching and that this post will help you with your writing. Please acknowledge, I am not trying to attack anyone's style of writing!! If you write the way I wrote a "non-immersive" scene, it does NOT mean that your writing style is bad, let alone wrong, because the existence of many different writing styles is what keeps it individual and interesting! Find your own way and let nobody get you down :)

#writing #writing prompts #writing tips #writing advice #story prompt #fanfiction #writers on tumblr #writing inspiration #immersion #writing immersion #immersive writing #story tips #how to write #tutorial #tips #request

[differenceonlyyoucanmake]

12 Dancing Princesses Thoughts/ Headcanons/ Assorted Stuff that Came to Me in a Dream

I’m kind of tired, so this may be incomplete. I wanted to put it out there, though. My dreams have mostly been from Courtney’s perspective, not an omniscient one. Because of this, there may be some gaps.

Ashlyn:

- Deserved so much better

- It actually makes me upset. I woke up from one of my 12dp dreams in TEARS because she deserved so much better.

- After Isabella passed, Ashlyn took on the role of being a maternal presence to her sisters. She did this extremely well, but it’s also heartbreaking how she pushed herself to grow up.

- Randolph was not a capable father during the lowest periods of his grief, and Ashlyn definitely had to compensate for this.

- Randolph... could have been kinder to her, especially after the queen died. He couldn’t look Ashlyn in the eyes. She reminded him too much of his late wife.

- Isabella wanted Ashlyn to inherit her belongings and position, but Randolph had his own favorites (I promise I don’t think he was an evil person, but he could have done better).

- I think Ashlyn would identify as bisexual.

- She knew several instruments, but was most attached to the flute. Her most treasured memories involved Isabella giving her flute lessons.

- She was expected to be the mature one all the time, so she repressed a lot of her own frustrations in favor of caring for others.

- She was closest to Blair and Courtney.

- She was a little soft spoken, and one of the most “ladylike”; Ashlyn was one of the sisters who struggled least with Rowena’s lessons.

- The younger sisters had a hard time remembering that she was a person capable of all sorts of feelings. They expected parental behavior from her, and got really confused when she expressed negative emotions.

- Some of the sisters assumed Ashlyn didn’t care for sweets, because she would offer hers to the others whenever they got any. In reality, she thought this was kind behavior. She showed sacrifice in several, seemingly inconsequential, ways.

- Despite seeming so mature, she always felt as if she stopped growing up after her mother passed.

- As the sisters grew up, Ashlyn really struggled with finding her purpose. She didn’t get the power her mother promised her. She put her own ideas and prospects aside to care for her sisters. She ended up floating from kingdom to kingdom, with varying success in several different courts. She eventually came  to live with the other eldest sisters.

- Despite being (in my view) cheated out of her kingdom, Ashlyn seldom expressed frustration or resentment. She adopted the attitude of a retired noble early in life, spending a lot of time on composing music and serene hobbies.

Blair

- horse.... horses..... sleeping in the stables...... with the horses

- I’m kidding! Mostly!

- Blair was bold and opinionated. She also loved witty conversation and comedy.

- What else did she love? Horses.

- She would sneak out all the time to ride.

- Her favorite horse was black and very tall.

- She was closest to Ashlyn and Courtney.

- Blair was sick in childhood.

- Though the older sisters were known for being more refined and elegant, Blair pushed this notion plenty.

- She loved adventure.

- All of the sisters missed the golden pavilion, but Blair struggled with this a lot.

- She didn’t have as many problems with Randolph, but sometimes she would CAUSE problems on purpose (mostly defending Ashlyn and calling out his favoritism).

- She turned her own estate later in life into a close replica of the pavilion. The grounds were massive.

- She was intelligent, but struggled with many academic tasks. If she needed to read something that was challenging, she would often hand it to Courtney for help. She would only have motivation to read if it was about subjects she loved.

- This is ironic, because she later came to be a published writer. I believe these were short works, similar to pamphlets.

- Blair enjoyed throwing and attending large balls and gatherings. She was still chasing the thrill of the magical visits she’d make with her sisters.

- Blair was considered extremely beautiful, and drew admirers wherever she went. She accumulated many pieces of ruby jewelry this way.

- She also liked wearing capes and cloaks.

Courtney

- Generally shy, Courtney made an exception when she stood up for Ashlyn.

- Courtney longed to travel, and books provided her with a form of escapism until she was able to.

- She had a health scare after the events of the movie, and this somehow tarnished her standing in society??

- She wasn’t straight, probably a lesbian.

- She was well read on political matters and the history of their kingdom, and would often be the first one to noticed Randolph’s incompetence in certain areas.

- She was a young teen when she first started rewriting her father’s treaties in her spare time. She learned after the first time not to bring her drafts to him.

- When Ashlyn and Blair left home, she grew closer with Fallon. Both had a streak of wanderlust, and gravitated towards the romantic.

- Courtney published poetry under a pseudonym starting at a young age. This probably helped her somewhat. As she grew up, her poems grew in notoriety, and many debated who their true writer was. A significant portion focused on love between women and feeling trapped.

- I think she had been to Apollonia (Antonio’s kingdom in Island Princess) several times, and knew both Luciana and Antonio from an early age. I think this was the case for many of the older sisters.

- After their mother died, the girls traveled less, and met less new people. Courtney was bothered by this.

- She was generally thought of as calm and quiet, but she felt emotions deeply ( even if she didn’t always express them).

Delia

- Athletic and spunky

- Delia enjoyed more structured sports.

- She was prone to sunburns.

- Delia was enamored with the sun and light. She would hang prisms next to her windows to watch the light refract.

- She was closest with her twin, Edeline. They enjoyed playing croquet together and (though it was usually harmless) gossiping.

- Delia had a temper. She would deal with guilt afterwards if she lashed out at someone.

- Her emotional regulation issues came to light after her mother died.

- Delia dealt with a lot of guilt in general. She didn’t feel as put-together as her older sisters, or as carefree as the younger ones. She felt guilty for not fitting in, and expressed feeling like an inconvenience to those around her.

- Outsiders thought she was dim-witted, and she internalized this.

- Delia often had a problem of interrupting people or speaking loudly, so it was advised that she stay quiet when visitors came. This really hurt her self esteem, since she was always happy to make new friends.

- Rowena had offended her when she was a young girl, and Delia never forgot this.

- Delia liked birds, and hummingbirds fascinated her.

- She had to learn to accept herself later in life. 

- She discovered people who appreciated her for who she was, and finally left her inhibitions behind. 

- After that, she became known for her charisma and charm.

Edeline:

- Edeline shared a lot of interests with her twin, such as sports and outdoor activities.

- She enjoyed making others laugh.

- Once Genevieve married Derek, Edeline took it as her cue to BULLY that poor man.

- Seriously, it probably warded off suitors for her other sisters.

- It was usually in good fun, though.

- Edeline disliked rules and structure.

- She was closest with Delia.

- She often stood up for her twin.

- Edeline had a good ear for gossip, and had her own methods of fact checking stories she’d heard.

- Something happened with her at Genevieve’s wedding?? Maybe she broke something??

- Edeline traveled some, but found her way back home eventually.

- She DESPISED Rowena. None of the sisters liked her, but Edeline couldn’t stand her from the beginning.

- Edeline would have loved to know about the concept of roast humor.

- She liked to have sleepover-like setups in their bedroom. She would build forts and encourage the others to come tell ghost stories. When the memories of her mother came to her, she felt the need to DO something, even if the action wasn’t necessarily related.

- She became known for her humor.

Fallon

- Fallon was pretty much independent, until she and Courtney bonded.

- Fallon always wanted pets, and was jealous that only Genevieve was allowed to have one (besides....bugs and the horses, who were kept outside).

- She would try to befriend wild animals, and nursed some injured animals back to health.

- I don’t think Fallon was straight.

- Fallon was sensitive, and had a hard time dealing with Rowena’s harsh treatment.

- Fallon had nightmares, and would often go to her older sisters for comfort.

- She enjoyed the company of others. She would spend time with servants and other people considered to be below her station.

- Fallon played the harp.

- She loved the softer aspects of life. 

- She devoted time to charitable causes.

- I just know that she did that classic princess trope of posing as a commoner. That’s such a her thing to do.

- She gained a reputation for being eccentrically kind. She had a large family of animals, who she took EXCELLENT care of.

Genevieve

- You may have noticed that the older sisters were generally closer with each other. Well, Genevieve wasn’t, and she made it that way.

- She.... liked to act like she was in charge. She often undermined Ashlyn’s efforts.

- She was Randolph’s favorite.

- Genevieve got along better with the younger sisters, especially Lacey.

- She probably did have leadership skills, but a lot of them came from acting like she did.

- Like I’ve implied above, she got a lot of power after she married, instead of Ashlyn.

- Derek wasn’t a bad person, but he was a COBBLER. How did she get more political power by marrying a COBBLER?

- She butted heads with Blair and Courtney quite often after the events of the movie.

- Basically, she had Main Character Disease dsfghjk

- She traveled less than the other older sisters.

- Admittedly, she wasn’t a poor leader.

- I have a feeling she adopted a lot of children later in life.

- She and Derek had a pretty long transitional period after they married, meaning they spent more time really figuring out who they were as a couple rather than jumping into their duties right away.

- Genevieve kind of symbolized the cutoff for the sisters who had lots of solid memories about their mother and those who didn’t.

- She was one of the best dancers out of the sisters.

- She was brave and self-assured.

- She knew what she wanted, and she would get it.

- After Twyla, she got some other cats. They were mostly orange and/or long haired.

- She never quite shook her habit of being late.

Hadley

- Hadley was closest to their twin, Isla.

- As Hadley grew up, they became more comfortable being gender nonconforming. They may have been trans, but I don’t remember.

- Hadley enjoyed fencing.

- Stilts were Hadley’s first love, and led to appreciation for other daring activities.

- Hadley also loved the ocean. Many of their adventures involved being at sea. They spent years sailing longside their twin on a ship Genevieve gifted them.

- Rumors swirled that they were a pirate. Though these weren’t true, Hadley didn’t mind.

- Hadley was energetic and intuitive.

- Hadley was an athletic risk-taker. They enjoyed acrobatics and other feats of the human body.

- Hadley became known for their adventurous exploits and fencing prowess.

- Though Hadley initially idolized Genevieve, she eventually sided with Ashlyn and the other older sisters once she learned the whole story.

- Hadley stayed with the older sisters after whatever scary thing happened with Courtney.

- Hadley mentored people, and may have been a teacher.

- She really missed the times when all of their sisters got along.

- There were rumors that Hadley was affiliated with darker forces, when in reality Hadley was one of the most well-adjusted.

Isla

- Isla was closest to Hadley.

- Isla liked adventure, but she was less daring than Hadley.

- Isla stayed our of most business involving the older sisters, preferring to spend time with her twin.

- She loved swimming.

- Isla had a collection of maps.

- She was known for being easy going. 

- She sometimes had to bring Hadley down from an idea that seemed too dangerous.

- Isla was the voice of reason in some situations.

- She never lost her passion for dance, and learned new styles through their travels.

- Isla had pet birds.

- She was admired for her grace and acrobatic talent.

- Isla enjoyed circus-like acts.

- She was more bothered by the pirate rumors than Hadley.

- Isla enjoyed researching magic, and trying to find a way back to the magic pavilion. 

- Isla was non-confrontational.

- She tried many forms of artistic expression, from writing to painting.

- Isla was loyal to Hadley, and would be there for her twin no matter what.

Janessa

- Janessa maintained her love of insects.

- Since they were so young when it happened, none of the triplets remember details of the magic pavilion. If their sisters weren’t there to confirm their memories, they would have thought it was a dream.

- Janessa grew up to be very interested in science.

- Janessa found the proper way to care for insects, and took pride in how well she did it.

- She was prone to worrying.

- She often lamented the fact that she was so young when they visited the pavilion.

- Janessa was considered obedient and passive.

- Janessa heard how much she looked like her mother (though not as much as Ashlyn). She had mixed feelings about this, because she couldn’t really remember what her mother looked like.

- Janessa was closest to Kathleen.

- She became close with Edeline and Delia when she got older.

- Janessa knew she wasn’t Randolph’s favorite, and took this personally. She tried, especially in her youth, to gain his approval.

- She also knew that Genevieve preferred Lacey, even though all the triplets looked up to Genevieve.

- Janessa balanced her love for science with her royal duties, and used what power she had to provide exposure and resources to research institutes.

Kathleen

- Kathleen was creative and unconventional.

- She was closest with Janessa, and became close with Isla later in life.

- Kathleen was known for her paintings.

- She started out painting things like landscapes, then moved into less traditional subjects.

- Her royal portraits were renowned in particular. They captured royalty doing activities that were important to them, or in significant fantasy settings.

- She painted portraits of her siblings and father. These became their favorites. She captured: a relaxed Ashlyn writing music, Blair on horseback in mid-air, Courtney in her library, Delia in the sunlight, Edeline in a fantastical outdoor scene, Fallon with her animals, Genevieve dancing, Hadley fencing, Isla swimming, Janessa surrounded by flying insects in the sky, and Lacey at work.

- Though she tried many times, Kathleen was not satisfied with her attempts of painting her mother. She felt like she was simply copying pre-existing portraits.

- The only painting of her mother she was somewhat pleased with was one of Queen Isabella walking away, her back to the viewer as she walked into a golden pavilion.

- Kathleen tried to paint the magic pavilion, and these painting had a fuzzy, dream-like quality.

- Her art gained a significant following.

Lacey

- She was Randolph’s second favorite.

-Lacey was unshakably loyal to Genevieve. She didn’t understand why the older sisters were upset about her being given power and land.

- Lacey struggled with illness as a child. She was inspired by the healing water at the pavilion to study medicine.

- Lacey struggled with muscle strength and coordination well into adulthood.

- Despite this, she continued dancing.

- She looked very similar to Randolph’s relatives.

- She felt the need to defend Genevieve, and would often challenge her older sisters because of this.

- Although Ashlyn never challenged her, Lacey harbored resentment towards her. She blamed Ashlyn for the fact that Genevieve’s approval wasn’t universal.

- Lacey was interested in scientifically based medicine, as well as magical remedies.

- Lacey was always closest with Genevieve, and lived with her for a long time.

- Lacey idolized Genevieve and Derek’s relationship, often heralding it as the pinnacle of romance.

- She searched for a way back to the magical world, believing it contained the key to eternal youth and immortality.

- Lacey didn’t care for travel as much as some of her sisters, but she usually enjoyed when she did leave her own kingdom.

- She grew up to be Genevieve’s closest adviser, and an accomplished healer.

Canon Noncompliant Things

- The sisters left the pavilion by dancing in birth order. Although Derek did leave by dancing with Genevieve, they weren’t responsible for leaving in the first place. Once again, Ashlyn doesn’t get the credit she deserves dfghjk

- Genevieve had an actual wedding, not whatever that was that was shown at the end of the movie. It was smaller than a lot of royal weddings (because Derek didn’t have many connections or people to invite), but it was a serious affair. 

#long post #barbie and the 12 dancing princesses #barbie movie #barbie movies #barbie and the twelve dancing princesses #Barbie in the Twelve dancing princesses

[julieloveupstead]

"I'm Never Leave You" - Upstead

CHAPTER 3

Hailey when she got to the district with Kevin did her best to keep herself occupied with something, so she wouldn't have to think about the meeting with Voight that was bound to happen, after all, you can't hide from you forever. She was grateful to Jay that he knew she wasn't ready at that moment and that she needed to occupy her thoughts with something, she needed to be busy, so she did. She sat in the Wire Room and looked through files of similar cases, but she couldn't focus on anything in the world. Furthermore, she kept the events of the last few hours in front of her eyes and even though she knew it was all meaningless now, she couldn't help wondering if things would have ended differently if Voight hadn't split her up with Jay after Adam and Kevin's argument. When Voight decided for her to go with him and Adam, without Jay, she felt a strange pressure in her stomach as if she expected something bad might have happened and if only she had listened to her instincts. Damn, why did it all seem so logical now, as if the flaps had fallen from her eyes, and now she could see more clearly. From the very beginning, Voight has been manipulating her and taking advantage of how she was treated by her own father. Did he treat Erin the same way? Was that the reason she left? Was everything that happened with Al those few years ago because of Voight? What about Antonio, was he manipulated by Voight too? What about Jay? Hailey has felt like she's in some kind of matrix ever since this happened, which has given her a headache.

- Goldilocks, what are you doing here? - She was pulled out of her thoughts by the voice of the Desk Sergeant.

- How is Serge? - Hailey asked, trying to keep her tone of voice normal.

- I could ask you the same thing. - The older woman sat down opposite Hailey and watched her carefully.

- I do not know what you are talking about, Trudy. I am doing my job, after all. - She really tried for an ordinary tone, and to confirm her words Hailey started to hit the keys, but for some reason her hands started to shake.

- Hailey, I've known you for a long time and I know that when something happens you run off to work, and you've been staring at the same page on the computer for 30 minutes. - Sergeant Pratt said with her usual omniscient tone. - Hailey, you're hiding it well, but I've got eyes. You've been acting strangely for the past few weeks. Your lover boy, too.

- How do you know? Since when did you know? - she looked surprised at the Sergeant, who was looking at her with satisfaction written all over her face. She was panicked because if Platt had guessed, then the rest of them probably already knew too. Damn. This wasn't how she wanted her friends to find out.

- I suspected right from the start, even when you were blindsided. Those looks in your eyes, the way you lost your head when Jay went missing those two years ago, Jay walking around like a kicked puppy left out in the rain when you left, and that horrified look on Jay's face when you got that package from the Feds. Luckily, you guys wised up, because it was really sad looking at you. - Seeing Hailey's surprised look, Trudy started to explain as if Jay and her were the most obvious thing in the world. - But rest assured, I only had confirmation when I saw you two at Kim's hospital last night. Jay was watching over you, more than an eye in your head. And the way he took you in his arms, if I had tears in my eyes I would cry - she finished ironically.

Hailey remembered as if through a haze what happened after she got home from what happened in that warehouse, and the hospital stay completely like a black hole.

- Listen carefully because I'm going to say this once and if anyone asks I'm going to deny everything, okay? - Hailey nodded, holding back a laugh. Because maybe knowing that someone knew about them was scary, the fact that the first person was Trudy wasn't so scary. Even Hailey had to admit to herself that she even enjoyed it a lot. The Sergeant had always been an authority figure to her. Thanks to her, she had become a police officer and whenever she had a confusion in her head Trudy appeared and everything seemed to make sense. Once, she even caught herself thinking that she would like to have a mother like Trudy, who is strong and doesn't allow herself to be blown away. She obviously loves her mother, but her relationship with her is complicated. The older woman has really been a bit like a mother to her, and therefore the fact that she knows about one of the most important things in her life is not even that scary.

- I don't know anyone who is more deserving of such love and happiness as the two of you.

- Thank you, Trudy - as if out of nowhere, they heard Jay's voice. Hailey turned and saw Jay leaning against the door frame watching them with a big smile. The blonde couldn't help but return the smile. How grateful she felt for her boyfriend and for the older woman who looked at them with pride was beyond description. Her family relationships were complicated and difficult to understand, even though she loved her mum, dad and brothers in their own way she had never felt so happy, loved as by this family she now had before her.

Jay walked over to Hailey and kissed the top of her head, making her cheeks redden, knowing that this time they were not alone in the room.

- Alright kids I'll leave you to it because it's getting too nice, and that doesn't bode well for my reputation for being stern and cold,' the Desk Sergeant stood up proudly and winked at both of them, to which the pair laughed. She stopped still at the door and turned to her charges. - If you want to talk about what happened in the evening you found Kim, because I know something happened, you know where to find me. - And with that she left the room.

- How does she know that? - asked a stunned Hailey, looking with wide eyes at the spot where the Sergeant had been standing just a moment ago.

- 'I don't know. She's Trudy Platt, after all, it's her job to know everything. - He shrugged his shoulders, stepping closer to his girlfriend. - Hey, don't worry, Platt won't say anything to anyone. - He assured, knowing that Hailey wasn't ready to go public with their relationship yet.

- I know, it's not about that. - She shook her head. Jay squatted down and waited for her to continue. He could see that Hailey was trying to find the right words, so he caught her hands with his, her palms, and used his thumbs to draw near indeterminate patterns to support her. - How does she know... Mmmm. Damn. - She snorted in exasperation.

- I mean, how does he know something happened then. - She mouthed so quietly that Jay, crouching close to her, had to really strain to hear what she was saying.

- Hey, Hailey, maybe the Sergeant didn't mean what happened in that warehouse - Jay immediately guessed what his girlfriend meant and lowered his voice, so no unwanted ears would hear. - Hey, take it easy, Honey. No one is going to find out about anything. I'm not gonna let Voight drag you down with him. You didn't do anything wrong, remember that, okay? - Hailey just nodded her head without conviction.

- Did you find out anything? - Changed the subject, Hailey, backing away from Jay. She knew she was acting out of character with her partner, but she needed something to occupy her head. The realization that someone might know something about what happened with Ray scared her more than the fact that they might know something about their relationship. She was afraid that Voight would plunge her down with himself and thus lose the two most important things in her life, Jay and her job, and without them, she didn't exist.

- Am. Nothing concrete. Serge gave me this temporary command - as usual, he understood her perfectly and knows exactly what she needs.

- So he will not be here today? - she asked close to tears and hope.

- Yes, you won't see him today - he said, and it didn't escape his notice that Hailey relaxed at once on this news.

- Christ, Jay, what are we going to do next? - she asked, close to tears again.

- Hailey,...

- I can't avoid him forever, they will find out sooner or later. - Tears were streaming down her cheeks now. When Jay wanted to grab Hailey's hands again, she broke free and stood up violently, thus pushing the man away. - I'm going to lose my job, do you understand? So many efforts, so many sleepless nights, so many sacrifices. So much to prove that I deserve to be a policewoman, to be here in this place - Hailey was already in hysterics, he had no control over what he was saying and thinking. Images of the warehouse where Roy was killed kept flying through his head and in front of his eyes. - Damn it, my father was right. I don't deserve anything. - and after those words, she ran out.

She had to get out of there, she couldn't stand to be around Jay any longer. She knew he wanted to help her, and she appreciated every second, every little bit of support she got from him, but she felt that if she stayed in that room a moment longer she would explode and do something she would regret. When she got to the bathroom she checked to make sure no one was inside and when she was sure she was alone she closed the door and let herself cry. She wanted it all to be over and back to normal. She didn't want to be afraid to come to work, didn't want her to have a panic attack every time she heard the Sergeant's name and voice. She wanted a normal life, with Jay.

Jay was concerned about the state Hailey was in, but he knew she needed to be alone right now to control her emotions, even though he was twisting to run after her and hold her in his arms and never let her go.

- Jay, we found something - Kevin appeared out of nowhere in the room.

- 'Okay, I'll be right up. - Jay wiped his face with his hand and looked at his friend. The detective hoped Kevin wouldn't see the tears that had come to Jay's eyes after Hailey had run out in despair, and there was nothing he could do to change that.

- Are you okay? - asked a worried Kev as he spotted his friend arriving.

- Mmm, yes - Jay tried to sound composed and confident. - What did you find? - he tried to focus on the case.

- Emmm - Kevin, concerned for his friend, had forgotten what he had come for, and it took him a moment to remember. - And that I found some similar cases, but I'll tell you all about it upstairs. And one more thing, Adam showed up, and so I led him into the case. - Kevin explained. Jay, who was walking next to him, just nodded his head.

Jay was unable to say anything, the only thing he could think about right now was Hailey. Where had she gone? Is she safe? Won't she do something to herself? Jay once again promised himself that if he saw Voight again today, he wouldn't be so nice this time. But he hoped he wouldn't see his Sergeant's face again today, at least.

When he and Kevin Jay entered the bullpen he didn't see Hailey anywhere and that seriously worried him, but while he felt like running immediately and looking for her, he had to take care of business now, and besides he felt that Hailey wanted to be alone right now.

- 'Okay gentlemen, what have you got? - he got straight to the point.

- Two bodies were found at the scene, one of which we've already identified. It's a Nathan Robertson. He's got a record. He did 3 years for battery, he's also got convictions for possession and drug dealing. He got out 3 months ago - Adam on the board showed a photo of the man in question - He was 25 years old. I called his family, but neither his mother nor father had been in contact with him for 2 years. - He continued. He looked for a moment for something in his briefcase, took out a piece of paper, and handed it to Jay. It was an abbreviated copy of the information he was now giving out loud. - As for the other, we still don't know who he is. We suspect he either has no record or is not from Chicago. Trudy is still looking in the missing person's database, maybe we can find something there,' Kevin added. Jay nodded, assimilating the information.

- 'Okay, so when did the shooting happen? Do we have any witnesses? Any word from the coroner yet? - Jay asked his colleagues.

- Neighbours heard two shots at 7am, which the coroner confirmed, but neither of them reported it, as they say it was none of their business, and they didn't want to get hit for reporting a crime. - People's disinterest kills police officers. If people weren't so afraid, if they weren't so indifferent to what was going on around them, this world would look completely different.

- As you can guess, there were not many witnesses. The only thing we know is that the day before, someone was hanging around this house. I haven't established the owners of the house yet. - Kevin said.

- I found similar 6 attacks in New York and 4 in Los Angeles. A year ago, LAPD arrested a man named Peter Allende. - He handed the tablet to Jay.

- And they connected these attacks to New York? - spoke up Hailey, who had now joined them imperceptibly. Jay looked at her carefully. It was obvious she had been crying, but she had put on a mask of professionalism, but Jay knew her too well and knew that these were just appearances in front of people not to ask questions.

It was tempting for the brunet to pull her close and hug her tightly, but they had work to do, and besides, one look was all it took for him to know that for a small moment Hailey wanted to feel normal and not think about what had happened. Jay respected that.

Hailey tried to pull herself together to focus on what was most important at the moment, which was the double murder case. And that was the only reason she was able to stand in front of her two colleagues and her boyfriend right now. She directed all the strength she still had in her to track down the criminal while she still had a chance, because there was no telling how long she would be a police officer. So she turned off every other thought, cut off everything that would distract her, and focused on this one task.

- No. Because, unlike the LA attacks, it involved one man with his nephew (who committed suicide, by the way, a few months after he was arrested), they attacked poor people's flats, and, most importantly, guns. Allende strangled the victims. - Kevin explained.

- So what's the connection to the NY case, LA and ours? - wondered Jay - Oh right this - for a moment Kevin clicked something on his tablet, then surrendered it to the detective.

Jay looked at three pictures of a packet of drugs with a flower stamp drawn on them, each flower was a different color, and then handed it to Hailey.

- The same marks on the drugs? - Jay remarked, and Kevin nodded in confirmation.

- Why didn't the LAPD pay attention to this earlier? Why didn't they connect it to those robberies in New York? - Asked Hailey, handing the tablet back to Atwater.

- Did you talk to Homicide? - Adam asked Jay.

- Yeah, but I didn't find out much. At this point, it was kind of the first attack in the Chicago area. - replied Jay, scratching the back of his neck.

- What about Voight? - Kev asked. Jay instinctively cast a worried glance at Hailey standing next to him. Hailey didn't let anyone notice her nervous swallowing of saliva and clenching of her hands into fists, but she knew that no matter how hard she tried, Jay would always notice any even minimal change in her behavior.

However, Hailey had promised herself that she wouldn't lose her cool again, at least not here at work, not in front of people, so she ignored Jay's worried look.

She can't let something like 30 minutes ago happen again.

- I don't know - the brunet shrugged his shoulders. - He gave me temporary command of the case. - Hailey looked at Jay surprised by the words, although earlier in the wire room he had already told her about it. - We're supposed to be working with Homicide, Sergeant Smith should be here any minute, with his men. - He said looking at his watch and as if on cue Trudy appeared, followed by two men.

- Detective Halstead, this is Sergeant Smith and Officer Wilson. - The Desk Sergeant introduced the guests. Jay nodded to her in acknowledgement and she left.

- 'Hello Sergeant. These are my colleagues, Officer Ruzek and Officer Atwater - he introduced - And this is my partner Detective Upton - he pointed to Hailey.

After introductions and a few kind words, the whole team moved on to the case.

- So to sum it up, Kevin said, "Two young guys decided to have some fun, so they got into possession of drugs, then someone came in and shot them. That's a bit of a stretch, don't you think?

- I think so too," said the still silent Hailey. - I'm just wondering where the drugs came from in that house, in New York and in Los Angeles.

- And why didn't LAPD link this to the New York case? - Jay added - Okay, we need to find out who the owner of this house is and identify the other boy, Adam will take care of that? - the man in question nodded and immediately started following instructions.

- Kevin if you could see if there are any amphetamines with that tag on them before and ask your CI if they know anything. I mean everything: about new dealers on the market, by the way, you know what I mean. - Jay told Kevin, who also rightly got to work. - 'Mr Sergeant and Officer Wilson, I'd like you to bring me all the files on fatal burglaries from the last two maybe three months,' he addressed Sergeant Smith and his colleague.

Hailey had a strange feeling that this Wilson was looking suspiciously too long at Jay, not that she was too jealous or anything, just a small remark like that.

- 'And Hailey and I will take care of talking to the NYPD and LAPD, okay? - Jay calmly said to the blonde.

- Okay, so what, I'm New York, and you're Los Angeles? - she allowed herself a little joke as the Homicide cops walked away.

- I don't know. - He pretended to think about it as he approached Hailey. - Don't you think it's too risky? - He scratched his chin, picking up on her game. Maybe they need at least a break from all this for a while.

- And why is that? - Hailey also approached Jay and asked in an innocent voice.

- They'll remember you and try to take you away from me again. - He turned around, checking that no one was around, and then touched his hand to Hailey's cheek, who closed her eyes. She wanted to tell him to back off because they were at work after all, but when she felt him touch her, she gave in to it.

Every time Jay touched her, all that other stuff stopped mattering, the only thing that mattered was that they were together, and the rest didn't matter.

- Hailey, look at me please - she slowly opened her eyes and was met with a loving and tender look that she always has reserved only for her and from which her heart beats 100 times more, he put his other hand on my other cheek. - I can't lose you anymore, Angel.

- Jay... - She wanted to interrupt him, but to poor effect.

- I love you so damn much - in Jay's eyes, Hailey noticed tears and panicky fear.

- And I love you, Jay - she whispered, watching her boyfriend vigilantly.

- 'Promise me that if it gets hard, that you feel it's too much, you'll tell me right away, okay?

- Mhmm, okay - Hailey didn't quite understand what Jay meant and wasn't sure if she would be able to tell him everything every time. She still has a lot of fear inside her, boundaries that she doesn't want to, and is actually afraid to reach with her thoughts, let alone say them. Even to him, the man she trusts most in the world. The biggest barrier he is afraid to cross is that if he knows everything about her, he will conclude that it wasn't worth fighting for and leave.

- I'm not going anywhere, I will never, ever leave you. - Jay as usual acts like he's reading her mind. - We'll deal with everything, sweetheart, I promise. - He pulled her close and hugged her tightly. Hailey knew they shouldn't be cuddling in the middle of the bullpen and maybe someone would come and see them soon, but she needed this. She needed those words, his touch and the sound of his heart. She needed him, and it hits her harder every time. The fact that this man loves her so much after what he has learned about her is something extraordinary.

When she put her arms around him tightly and heard his heartbeat, she closed her eyes. She took a deep breath and let it out. She drew that soothing scent of Jay that she associates with safety and love into her lungs and didn't want her to ever forget it. For the first time since crossing the threshold of this building, she could breathe freely.

She really hadn't expected how much she needed it and how much she needed the words that had just come out of Jay's mouth. Every time, she marvels at how Jay is able to read her mind and without any words knows what she needs. Maybe soul mates actually exist and Jay is hers, and she is his?

- We should probably get on with the job, don't you think? - She pulled away from him slightly, so she could look at him. She forced herself to get them both back down to earth, though this bubble they both created only lasted a few moments.

- Just don't fall for the NYPD's sweet talk - Jay nodded with a slight smile.

- I won't be so easily persuaded to change my mind, and besides, I'll be talking to the NYPD, not the FBI after all - Hailey remarked. Jay, still, kissed her on the top of her head and moved away from her.

- We should probably get on with the job, don't you think? - She moved slightly away from him, so she could look at him. She forced herself to get them both back down to earth, though this bubble they both created only lasted a few moments.

- Just don't fall for the NYPD's sweet talk - Jay nodded with a slight smile.

- I won't be so easily persuaded to change my mind, and besides, I'll be talking to the NYPD, not the FBI after all - Hailey remarked. Jay, still, kissed her on the top of her head and moved away from her.

- Jay? - Hailey turned to look at Jay for a moment more before dialing a number. - I love you so damn much too. - She whispered so no one else could hear, but loud enough that Jay wouldn't have a problem with it.

Hailey felt that whatever got in their way whether it was Voight or her fears or whatever fate put in front of them, they would make it because they have each other, and they love each other very much.

Because Jay and Hailey are soul mates.

Because Jay is Hailey's safe haven, rock, anchor home and love of her life.

Because Hailey is Jay's safe haven, rock, anchor home and love of his life.

#Upstead #upstead fanfiction #upstead fic #jay x hailey #jay halstead #hailey upton

[kiingocreative]

The Structure of Story is now available! Check it out on Amazon, via the link in our bio, or at https://kiingo.co/book

.

.

.

In film, the director plays a significant role in setting the tone of a story. They can choose to have the audience look down upon a character or they can choose to have a character visually look down at the audience. They can choose to keep the subject matter at a distance or view it up close. They can keep the camera askew to give the audience the feeling that something is awry. The director dictates how the subject matter is framed, and thus has a great deal of influence over how the audience *feels* about the subject matter. That's tone.

In worldbuilding and storytelling, the words on the page are the camera. And whoever writes or speaks those words is the director. That director is responsible for choosing how the subject matter (i.e. the story world) is framed. They're responsible for defining the tone.

Some stories have no explicit narrator. In these cases, the director is simply the author--the unnamed narrator that tells the story on the page typically without explicitly acknowledging the audience. Other stories do have an explicit narrator who implicitly acknowledges the existence of a story, a storyteller, and an audience. In both cases, the one responsible for writing or speaking the words that end up on the page is the director of the story.

Sometimes this narrator is meant to be invisible. They stay factual and omniscient, attempting to relay the events of the story as they occurred without giving any opinion. In essence, this narrator has no unique voice of their own. This is more often the case when the narrator of the story is the omniscient author.

Other times the narrator of the story, regardless of whether they've been named, takes on a more explicit voice. They may have opinions about the subject matter. Those opinions influence how the narrator chooses to frame and treat the subject matter. This is most clearly the case when a story is being told in first person or when there's an explicit storyteller.

Even if a narrator likes to think of themselves as unbiased or impartial, the existence of any judgment whatsoever begins to introduce voice. Any time a narrator has the simplest thought that what's happening is good or bad, there's a voice. Any time a narrator adds any sarcasm, facetiousness, or snark, that's opinion and there's a voice. The tiniest bit of criticism or praise introduces a voice. Any hint that the narrator has an emotion, mood, or attitude begins to shape the subject matter with a voice.

Voice creates tone. And having an explicit voice can be a major part of what drives interest in a story. Consider *A Series of Unfortunate Events*, for instance. The narrator's pessimistic opinions and attitude color our feelings about the events of the story and where it's headed. That's helps to keep us engaged.

Voice, of course, is not *just* the existence of opinions. It's also speech patterns. It's word choice. It's the rhythm and tempo of sentences and syllables. Voice consists of the metaphors, idioms, and clichés that the narrator uses.

It's possible, for instance, to have a narrator with a distinct dialect or speech style who truly has no opinions about the subject matter. In this case we'd still say that the story has a strong voice, even though the narrator has no specific attitude or commentary about the events of the story.

Remember that the one who speaks or writes the words on the page is not only the narrator of the story, they're also the director. They decide how we *see* the story and story world. We see the story world through their eyes. Sometimes those eyes are omniscient, clear, and factual. Other times those eyes add a filter through which the story world is colored.

If you want to shape the tone of your story world with a more explicit narrative voice, it can be helpful to consider through whose eyes we're exploring the world. Are we seeing the world of adults from a child's perspective (such as in *Big*)? Are we seeing the world of surfers from the expert perspective of a surfer? Or are we seeing the world of surfers from the perspective of a lawyer? Or are we seeing the world of lawyers from the perspective of a surfer?

Seeing a story through the eyes of a 1940s broadcaster is going to feel vastly different than through the eyes of a 5-year-old. Each narrator brings with them a distinct outlook, focus, and style of speech.

The eyes through which we see the story world affects the subject matter on which we focus. Consider a nature documentary with David Attenborough as the storyteller. Through his eyes, we see nature's majesty. We see brilliant colors, mating rituals, and the cycle of life and death. Now consider the nature documentary *Absurd Planet*. The storyteller of this documentary has us focused on the absurd and the weird. We see a lion sneezing and licking its snot. We see a pearl fish going inside a sea cucumber's rectum. We see dung beetles with a background track by *The Beatles*. Both documentaries explore the same story world, but each has its own distinct focus and perspective.

Whether we think of it as the director, the narrator, or the storyteller, the one who speaks or writes the words that we see on the page can play a large role in the final tone of the story and story world. When they're not meant to be invisible, the director's speech patterns, opinions, attitudes, and focus all shape how we see the story world.

#writingtips #creative writing #screenwriting #writers on tumblr #writers #writing #writerblr #writing advice #writing community #writing resources

[serpentsapple]

Hey!I just wanted to say that your asnwer to the whole''Alina's endign was realistic''was great and it made me think if Alina's powers was such a burden and all she ever wanted was to have a ''normal''life(too bad her fellow Grisha people can't have that privilege!)why were we following her story?Why was she a main character?Nothing she does really changes anything for Ravka or the Grisha at the end of the day she convenitely looses her powers and doesn't have to worry about the other Grisha

Thank you!

And indeed! Recently, we were also discussing this point with each other - why, in a fantastical and quite fictional setting should we settle for a mundane, normal heroine? Why does “realism”* matter here? Is this series absolutely “realistic” when it comes to worldbuilding, politics or the characters’ psychology? If not, as I personally believe, then why Alina alone should be subjected to it? If the intent always was to depict a realistic heroine then, again, why did Bardugo not drive the point home in every aspect and every scene of the books? As you mention, the fate of the other Grisha leaves a lot to be desired.

I checked the end of Ruin & Rising as I could not remember what happened to the Fold... and see, even on this topic, Alina took no active part in unraveling it. The new sun summoners dispel it, not her, making her little more than a vessel for the plot to reach this conclusion. What did Alina, the individual, change? What did Alina, the heroine, bring us? In what way did she prove worthy of our attention as a character, no, more than that, as a protagonist?

Likeable or not, relatable or not, only one consideration is significant for a main character: whether he or she is compelling. And not in isolation. Alina, as the heroine, should have been the most compelling character among them all. Well... was she? Is this the one character we must follow in this world, the one who is the most interesting, the most well-written, the most thought out by the author?

(Just like you, I’m not that convinced.)

We won’t linger over the show adaptation as it wasn’t led by women like the books were, however I did find the time to watch the first few episodes and notice how much of a backseat Alina took. No longer is it her story, nor do they even bother to pretend it ever was; the framing is deliberately omniscient and devoid of the specificities and intimacy of her narration. In fact, the show seems much more concerned in revealing the thoughts of anyone who is not Alina, as if her character alone was too lacking, too limited to engage the audience. Bardugo herself qualified this wider scope as a “gift”! A gift!

This depresses me and angers me so much. Yes! Yes, I do think Alina’s character is too narrow, too simplistic to attract viewers! Which means it should have been expanded, not shrunken! It should have been explored and fleshed out until it can carry an entire series and win over the audience because of how specific, of how unique Alina is! To be clear, I’m not asking for Alina to change, only for her character to shine, regardless of how much I may personally like her. Instead her first-person narrative was stolen from her and this move keeps being praised, even by her self-proclaimed fans.

If even the people who love her doubt the quality, impact and relevance of her point of view, if even her author isn’t willing to defend her... then who will? and why should we? all it proves is that Alina was a pretty poor protagonist to begin with.

A sidenote. Nothing changing is, in my opinion, a flaw of the writer. What changes in this setting, truly? Alina starts and ends at the same point, yes, but so do the societies. A few names switch, a few rulers get replaced by other rulers; a cosmetic alteration at best. The roots of these problems are never addressed. Better for her, perhaps, or one might have to question why the mafia (!!), monarchy and various types of persecution and ethnic profiling go unchallenged...!

*If it even matters in contemporary settings. What is realistic behaviour, exactly? What of realistic consequences? Do real people and real life obey a nice set of rules that would have girls and greed be as simplistic and always punished? Isn’t this statement confusing what might be satisfying to a reader - witnessing the consequences of a character’s actions or a plot offering a meaningful conclusion - with what might truly happen in our world?

#ask #mod v #The Grisha Trilogy

[baldinggoat]

I wrote a really long post about playersexuality about a year ago mostly targeting other crpgs, but I updated it a bit and decided to throw it on this blog too. It’s a bit repetitive, and it isn’t perfect, but it’s important to me that I’ve been trying to parse my direct feelings towards the phenomenon for a long time and I wanted to write it out. 

It mostly came from this article/post, and then kind of grew from there. It isn’t a direct criticism of Baldur’s Gate 3 or how Larian studios is writing queer sexuality, but if the shoe fits...well...

First of this all comes from someone with a trans and bi perspective. So it’s all subjective obviously. None of this is about discrediting bisexual characters, but critically analyzing how games depict queer sexuality. I just want more people to understand how playersexuality does hurt gay people who want gay characters, and hurt bi people who want more tangible representation and not a “schrodinger's” bisexuality.

Bisexuality/pansexuality isn’t necessarily being attracted to someone regardless or despite gender. It’s being attracted to more then one gender. Gender does, in fact, matter In relationships. Its frustrating really. My relationship to gender means a lot to me. It’s shaped my whole life. When I want someone to love me, I want them to love me for me AND acknowledge my gender. It’s a part of who I am. I don’t want it to be ignored. I’ve never had the privilege to ignore my gender, and I’ve never had the privilege of other people ignoring it either, since I’m trans. It’s not my only quality, but it’s a big part of my personal story and growth. Whenever I want to date anyone, I always have to have a conversation with them about our sexualities and my gender.

When you make a game with a story about fictional characters, you usually want the audience to care about said characters. You want to make it possible for the audience to empathize with them in some way. But in the end, all they ever will be is the game developer’s IDEA of what a person is, never an actual person. How sexuality and gender are presented in the story is all but an idea of how the game developers want sexuality and gender to be presented to the audience.

The bottom line is this: game companies have incentive for making money first. Game devs rarely care about giving lgbtq people a character that has an experience that the audience can empathize with. The audience that includes cishet people, because when everyone empathizing with fictional lgbtq characters, that’s what gives us “representation”. Because that’s what that actually means. Representation is about speading stories about our experiences being lgbtq to help other lgbtq people know that they aren’t alone, and also that it’s not a bad thing to be lgbtq. Playersexual characters don’t acknowledge that experience in their narrative, they aren’t representation.

And I real human being doesn’t need to tell you their sexuality. An actual gay or bisexual person doesn’t need to disclose anything about their past to “prove” their gay or bisexual. That’s because it’s an invasion of privacy, and when someone does tell you these things its because they trust you. It’s why “coming out of the closet” is something that exists. We are NOT entitled to know these things, yet everyone is assumed straight because that’s what is expected, so telling someone these things is an act of trust. But when it comes to fictional characters, there’s never that invasion of privacy. There’s no need to respect their boundaries, because as an omniscient audience we’re able to see different, imaginary perspectives. A game developer can always give us a clear indication of a character’s sexuality, and they can even do it without the characters stating it (although they should because that helps normalize people talking about their sexuality). It never has to be obfuscated or ignored. If it is obfuscated in some way, it’s because it’s the game developers’ intention. They don’t want to make a character’s sexuality clear and therefore, don’t actually care about lgbtq people.

So you play a videogame. There’s a character who admits they have feelings for the player. This character never talks about the gender of your character when it comes to the relationship. The character also, interestingly enough, never talks about a history of relationships with the same gender or mentions their attraction to the same gender. Even if they do, it’s a one off comment, innuendo, and/or never a full admission, something small that can be missed and ignored without deeper thought. (Also using correct pronouns isn’t acknowledging you’re in a relationship with someone who’s the same gender btw, it’s just common fucking courtesy).

The only way you ever even know that the character even is willing to date the same gender is if your character is there, and willing to date them. If your player character didn’t exist, you would never know this character dates the same gender. It’s schrodinger's bisexuality! The npc’s sexuality is not there unless you, the player, make it a part of your story. It doesn’t belong to the character. I hope that makes sense, because in the end the player is doing all the work for the writers. I also find it extremely unrealistic that in these situations, the characters are in serious romantic/sexual relationships and never talk about their history with dating the same gender, even casually.

What truly makes me sad though is how fandom, especially other bi people, will claim playersexuality as legitimate bisexual representation. It’s truly depressing that videogame writers have been able to find this loophole, use it, and abuse it. It gives game companies, that absolutely do not care about actually representing lgbtq people in their stories, credit where no credit is due. Of course I’m not trying to go after bi fans, and they aren’t wrong to claim these characters are bisexual, because that’s the whole point of calling it schrodinger's bisexuality. I personally don’t think infighting with other fans about whether a character is actually bisexual or not will get anyone anything except a migraine. What I do think, is people should be more critical about how videogame companies are presenting sexuality in their stories, and focus on criticizing that.

Edit: On a personal note, I also hate fandom using playersexuality to try to say the character’s sexuality is up for “interpretation” so they “headcanon” said character as straight or gay. That’s just biphobic. But, when trans/bi/gay people are talking about playersexuality, it’s usually from a more constructive outlook, where we just want the game studios to be held more accountable for erasure. This is also why I prefer the term “schrodinger's bisexuality”. Bisexual when you want them to be, not bisexual when you don’t want them to be.

I know people want the comfort, the ease, and the simplicity that playersexuality brings. I know it’s been used in games for years, and at one time it was the only queer content and representation games had. But times are changing, and game companies need to change. We need actual Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Trans characters, not a schrodinger's bisexuality. If you allow anyone and everyone to be able to romance any character regardless of gender, then you don’t have to worry about straight players being mad a character they want to romance is gay, or lgbt players being upset a character is straight.

Continuing to use playersexuality isn’t an “everyone’s happy” solution to people asking for more gay/bi characters in videogames. It’s obvious this has everything to do with money, since it’s making games viable for a wider audience and not actually giving queer people representation. It’s also painfully obvious when you have so much undeniable m/f that is central to the story.

I know game studios aren't a monolith. I know developing a game is usually convoluted and rarely linear. I also know it’s a company, and there are “layers” of writing, and things tend to go through a grind before they get green-lite. I know there’s never a singular person making decisions how character’s sexuality are depicted, and theres always more going on behind doors we may never know. Maybe game studios using playersexuality are trying to depict more lgbtq representation and some “big man” up top wont let them. But I highly doubt it, and think it has to do with marketability, because this is a product that is on the market.

TL; DR: I’m an annoying transgenderer who’s entitled and believes videogames should cater to me. Making companions/npcs playersexual, especially all of them, is a horrible, lazy, homophobic, and biphobic writing decision. Game companies don’t care about lgbtq people. Support lgbtq people, help donate to lgbtq content creators when you can, and help lgbtq people in fandom feel safe.

Aka Donate to my ko-fi lol

#/goat noises #it's not meant to be Discourse(tm) either just like. literally...criticism

[carveredlunds]

TW: SUICIDE MENTIONS I’m not the first person to point out that Chuck’s ending makes no sense. Chuck himself says he’s omniscient in 15.17. So, him needing a “heads up” from Michael about Team Free Will’s plan doesn’t make sense — he should have known what they were going to do, and he should have known what was happening when Jack absorbed his powers. He shouldn’t have lost the way he did. Unless he didn’t lose. When looked at another way, Chuck’s ending might have been what he wanted all along. Or rather, it would have been, if Sam and Dean had killed him.  According to Wikipedia, “suicide by cop or suicide by police is a suicide method in which a suicidal individual deliberately behaves in a threatening manner, with intent to provoke a lethal response from a public safety or law enforcement officer.” It is entirely possible that Chuck deliberately went full Big Bad in the hopes of eventually getting Team Free to kill him. He knows that Sam and Dean are the messengers of his destruction, after all. They’re the only ones who can finish him. And what better way to go than at the hands of your favourite humans? I’ve talked about this before, but here it is again: in 15.02, Chuck said “So, that Game of Thrones ending? Pretty great, right?” A lot of people assumed this was a sign that he didn’t know what constituted bad writing, that it was a nod from the showrunners to the audience, like they were saying to us, “Don’t worry! Supernatural’s ending won’t be that bad!” But what if he liked the ending of Game of Thrones for another reason? What if he saw himself in Dany’s final storyline — an evil tyrant, gone mad with power, being killed by the show’s protagonist for their own good? This theory still holds up if you also take into consideration season 11′s characterisation of Chuck. If you don’t just assume that everything Chuck did in season 11 was a trick or a lie (which I don’t), then he was absolutely willing to sacrifice himself to save the world from Amara. The suicidal intention was already there. But then he reunited with Amara, and figured he’d give living a shot for a while. But that didn’t work. By the time the season 14 finale rolls around, he and Amara have parted ways, and he is bitter and cynical and done with it all. He just wants out, even at the cost of everything he’s created. He’s alone without his sister, he hates himself (as he said to Becky) and he’s been alive for so long, creating whole worlds just for something to do. Speaking of Becky, I think Chuck’s visit to her in 15.04 was when his plan to commit “suicide by the Winchesters” really formed. He went to see her because he had nowhere else to go, and he starts out the episode lost and self-loathing. He writes an ending to the brother’s story which Becky doesn’t like (not featuring his own demise) so he snaps her out of existence, and rewrites the ending slightly (which is the ending we see in episode 19 — basically the same one Becky read, except now with Chuck’s death at the hands of Sam and Dean included. This is the scene where he says “This is gonna be good” to himself.) By the end of this episode, he is completely sold on the idea of being the ultimate Big Bad and letting Team Free Will kill him in the end. Before episode 4, he wanted to abandon this world with Amara, and go to create something new. This brings me nicely onto the subject of of his creations. If you look at Chuck’s systematic destruction of his other worlds as a suicidal person getting rid of all of their personal belongings and ties to life (on a cosmic scale) then it aligns with the theory that he was on a self-destructive mission. One of the common signs to watch out for in suicidal individuals is a cavalier attitude towards their belongings, with people who have made a plan to die often giving away possessions to loved ones. They may also appear cheerful, despite having a plan to die. But this is because they have a plan to die — they see an end in sight, and they’ve made a plan to get there. This too falls in line with Chuck’s behaviour. From 15.04 onwards, he is as happy-go-lucky as any other Big Bad of the show, cracking jokes, grinning jovially, and generally seeming happy. So, here is Chuck’s “Death by the Winchesters” Plan in its entirety: First, he set himself up as an antagonist in the eyes of Team Free Will in the season 14 finale. Then he destroyed all of his creations, except the world featuring the Winchesters who were the messengers of his destruction. Then, he absorbed Amara (the only other being who might want to talk him out of his plan). And finally, he went to face them in that final showdown in episode 19, in the hopes that they would kill him and finally put an end to his ancient, lonely, existence. Chuck shows lots of the hallmarks of a suicidal and depressed character, even in season 11, but definitely in seasons 14 and 15. He’s antagonistic, destructive, lonely, reckless, self-deprecating, and nihilistic. According to save.org, there are 11 warnings signs of suicide:

1. Talking about wanting to die or to kill oneself 2. Looking for a way to kill oneself 3. Talking about feeling hopeless or having no purpose 4. Talking about feeling trapped or being in unbearable pain 5. Talking about being a burden to others 6. Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs 7. Acting anxious, agitated, or reckless 8. Sleeping too little or too much 9. Withdrawing or feeling isolated 10. Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge 11. Displaying extreme mood swings Of these 11, we can remove “sleeping too little or too much”, on account of the fact that he’s God (though he does seem to sleep a lot as the Prophet Chuck, even in the middle of the day. This could be put down to his method acting, but still worth mentioning!) Anyway, really, it’s a 10 point list. And of those 10, Chuck displays the following signs: 1. Talking about wanting to die or to kill oneself (“To die at the hands of Sam Winchester. Of Dean Winchester, the ultimate killer... It's kind of glorious” in 15.19) 2. Looking for a way to kill oneself (His “Death by the Winchesters” Plan) 3. Talking about feeling hopeless or having no purpose (“Yeah, I just don’t know what I’m doing. I feel so lost” in 15.04) 4. Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs (drank excessively as the Prophet Chuck, hung out in a bar in 11.20, and went on a bender at the casino in 15.08 when he killed all the staff and hung around gambling) 5. Acting anxious, agitated, or reckless ( “You don’t need me. No one does […] I kind of hate me right now” in 15.04 shows his anxious/agitated side) 6. Withdrawing or feeling isolated (examples in this gifset I made) 7. Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge (“It’s time to start cancelling shows” in 15.12, and his many temper tantrums from 11.20 onwards) 8. Displaying extreme mood swings (see: every episode featuring Chuck from 11.20 onwards) That’s 8 out of 10. That’s 80%. And while he doesn’t actively talk about feeling trapped, being in unbearable pain or being a burden, he does say that no one needs him (in 15.04 with Becky), and talk about being unfulfilled and disappointed with the world (in 11.20 with Metatron, in 15.12 with the Radio Shed Clerk, and in 15.17 with Amara.) So perhaps his ending did make sense after all. He wanted the brothers to kill him, but instead, they refused, and left him alone to suffer.

#supernatural #spn #spnedit #spn meta #chuck shurley #my stuff #*gifs #*supernatural #suicide tw

[abigailnussbaum]

The Watch 1x01 - 1x02

The first two episodes of BBC America’s The Watch aired this weekend, and I’ve seen basically zero discussion of them on my twitter and tumblr feeds. Which I assume is because most of the people I follow are Pratchett fans who have been horrified by the press releases and the trailer (or, for that matter, the lackluster reviews) and decided to write the show off before it even started airing. To be clear, this is an entirely reasonable approach, but there’s nothing else on right now and I was bored.

Quick verdict? It’s not dire, but also not so interesting that you’d feel compelled to keep going with it. In fact, my most powerful reaction after the first two episodes is puzzlement - I can’t understand who the intended audience for this show is. The thinking seems to have been “everyone will be interested in a brash, in your face, rudely comedic fantasy cop show!” And maybe that’s true, but The Watch isn’t particularly brash, in your face, or even that comedic, so what’s left are fans of the genre(s), who are reasonably spoiled for choice right now (the show The Watch most closely resembles is Carnival Row, which is not amazing but still has a greater depth of emotion and a more interesting world). Why anyone would go out of their way to watch a show that seems to be working so hard to stamp out anything original about itself is a question the creators don’t seem to have asked themselves.

More thoughts below the cut.

First, something positive: I quite like the look of the show. There was obviously a lot of pressure from previous adaptations, not to mention the famous illustrations associated with the books, to strike out in an original direction, and I think the show really found one. Instead of fantasized-medieval-through-Victorian, The Watch’s Ankh Morpork combines those period and genre elements with modern ones. So The Mended Drum is now a seedy nightclub with DJ lighting and an open mike stage, and the city’s walls are covered with graffiti tags. The more distinctive settings - the Patrician’s palace, the Unseen University library - are not as interesting, possibly because the budget wouldn’t stretch to make them look really spectacular. But the core approach of the series, that Ankh Morpork is an old but modern city where there are also a lot of fantasy elements, is a fun and refreshing one.

Second, despite all the prevarication and spin in the run-up to the show, this is a Pratchett adaptation. It isn’t merely “inspired by” Pratchett’s novels, as the show’s title screen insists. It isn’t taking Pratchett’s ideas and making its own things with them. I can only assume that these claims were made in response to the backlash against stuff like “Sybil Ramkin, young, hot vigilante”. But despite changes like that, this is actually a fairly straightforward adaptation of Guards! Guards!, which also incorporates elements from Night Watch, plus some rather deep cuts from the rest of the Discworld corpus (the second episode, for example, implies that the ultimate villains of the series are the Auditors of Reality). So yeah, The Watch doesn’t have the excuse of being its own thing. It is a Discworld adaptation, but a bad one, that fails to understand a lot of fundamental thing about the world and the characters.

Third, I think the thing that most strikes about the show is how low-energy it feels. Despite billing itself as something outrageous, and despite some work on the visual front (and in Richard Dormer’s Jack Sparrow-esque performance as Vimes), the show itself feels almost bland. You see this in particular when it comes to the humor. It’s not that The Watch isn’t trying to be funny. There are jokes, and a few of them - mostly the ones original to the series - are mildly amusing. But when it comes to Pratchett’s own humor, the show simply has the actors deliver the gags and references in the most low-key way, and unsurprisingly the result is that hardly any of it lands.

Now, to be fair, this has been a problem with Pratchett adaptations since the 90s. Most of Pratchett’s humor is based in what his third-person narrator tells us about the world, and is hard to convey in a dramatic presentation (Good Omens tried to solve this problem by putting a lot of Pratchett’s narration in its voiceover, with only limited success). But even the dialogue-based jokes are so arch and stagey, that to deliver them successfully would require committing to a lot of very specific, demanding choices from the actors and writers (off the top of my head, the only show that even comes close to that kind of humor is Brooklyn Nine-Nine). It would have to be a high-concept, meticulously executed sitcom, whereas most Pratchett adaptations have been fantasy dramas with jokes. 

So it’s not entirely The Watch’s fault that it isn’t managing to convey the zany energy of Pratchett’s novels, but at the same time, it also clearly isn’t trying to. Its attitude seems to be that simply the existence of things like troll cops or assassins’ guilds who leave a receipt are funny in their own right. And sure, even in a media landscape in which fantasy has been mainstreamed by Harry Potter, the Lord of the Rings movies, and Game of Thrones, not a lot of fantasy settings have an orangutan librarian who only says “ook”. But what makes The Librarian funny isn’t that he’s a librarian who is an orangutan. It’s that he’s a librarian who is an orangutan who still behaves exactly like a librarian (while also doing ape things like swinging from the bookshelves and eating bananas), and that “ook” can convey almost any concept in existence. The Watch doesn’t seem to realize this. It seems to be assuming that just putting that stuff on screen, or parroting Pratchett’s lines, will be hilarious in and of itself, while leaving out a lot of the specificity of setting, character, and tone that made the books sing.

You see this also in how it handles its characters. Everyone fixated on Lady Sybil when the promos came out, because that’s the most egregious misreading of the original (and rooted in the most boring assumptions about what audiences want and will respond to). But it’s everywhere. Take Carrot, for example. In the books, Carrot is fascinating because he’s never entirely what you take him for. He’s innocent, but not naive. Principled, but not a zealot. A goody-two-shoes, but not a prig. He’s always a lot smarter than you think he is, and most importantly, he genuinely likes and is interested in people. 

The Watch delivers none of this, and instead makes Carrot your basic hothead rookie who just wants to take down bad guys and sees the more seasoned, cynical officers who keep trying to slow him down as hopelessly corrupted. There’s none of Carrot’s openness, or his genuine love of the city, in this character. Instead he’s sullen and judgmental. And look, we could have a long conversation about which one of these characters is more useful to us and our ongoing conversation about policing (as well as a much shorter conversation about which one of them is truer to the ideas Pratchett was trying to convey about policing). But what feels more important to me, when coming to evaluate a new series that is trying to make an argument for why you should keep watching it, is the simple fact that there are a million places where you could find a character like The Watch’s Carrot, and hardly anywhere where you could find one like Pratchett’s. 

Again and again, it feels as if, in the pursuit of what it thinks of as outrageous, risk-taking storytelling, The Watch jettisons the unique characters from the books and replaces them with ones that we’ve seen a million times before. Angua in the books is kind of neurotic, and extremely thoughtful about the way her condition can incline her to see other people as objects to be used and consumed (which Pratchett later develops into an aspect of his theme of monsters-as-aristocrats). In the show, she’s obsessed with how her lycanthropy makes her “the real monster”. Oh boy, I’ve never seen a werewolf worry about being a monster before! I’ve never seen a scene where they send their friends away just as they’re about to transform! This is cutting edge stuff, I tell you. And while we’re on the subject, it gives me no pleasure to report that Anna Chancellor as Patrician Vetinari is thoroughly meh, because no effort has been taken to convey the character’s intelligence, near-omniscience, and constant scheming. Vimes is intimidated by her because she’s his boss and she’s posh, not because of anything specific to her. She feels almost identical to a million other posh rulers whose job it is to infodump to and threaten scrappy, working class heroes.

Which brings me back to my original observation: that I do not get who this show is for. It’s not for Pratchett fans, because it deliberately drops a great deal of what made his writing and characters special in favor of the most generic, predictable choices. But I can’t help but feel that anyone who is into this sort of extremely familiar cop story will be put off by the dragons and the wizards and the orangutan librarian, not to mention Dormer’s gurning performance. The whole thing is almost fascinating to watch - a work that clearly believes itself to be boundary-pushing and different, when really it’s just dull but with dragons.

#the watch

[segasister]

Simple Romance Writing Tips:

(Adapted from my twitter, but better organized)

You have two protagonists, not one. Both need focus and development. Both are agents of desire, not objects of it.

When it comes to perspective, both protagonists’ points of view are important. Remember: both are agents of desire, not just objects of desire. You can go with dual First Person POV or Omniscient Third Person POV. You decide what’s easier for you.

One character shouldn’t change for the other. Both should grow with each other. For example, while a rebellious character learns to become more sweet, their uptight partner needs to learn to become more relaxed. The best partners help you grow as a person.

Don’t end the story when your protagonists get together. It’s not only overdone, but it ends before the bigger story can begin.

You can build tension in a relationship without involving abuse (physical/emotional/etc.) or forcing a break-up (either temporary or permanent) between the couple.

That in mind, couples do have their struggles, from the mundane to the more more dramatic.

You don’t need high stakes to create a compelling story. You just need some conflict present.

Don’t forget to add in sweet moments as well (PDAs need not be overly mushy). Remind the audience why they’re together in the first place.

Grand gestures are, well, grand. However, the little things (like helping each other with tasks) can be just as romantic.

You know love languages? Use some combination of all five of them in your story. Every person expresses love differently, and you should reflect that. What are the five love languages? Words of Affirmation (“I love you.”), Acts of Service (Helping your partner put groceries away), Gifts (A stuffed bear won at a fair), Physical Intimacy (Cuddling on the couch), Quality Time (Playing video games together while a long distance apart).

Opposites attract, yeah. However, there’s no shame in having characters be alike in many ways as well. Hell, have your couple be different in some ways but alike in others. Just about every relationship, from romantic to platonic to familial, is like this.

There is concern with having your characters, “being defined by their relationships,” ie. having their only trait be, “X’s partner.” However, that shouldn’t happen if you write your character similarly to how they were when they were single. However, don’t forget that growth.

Don't have one character in your relationship revolve around the other (what, "only letting them be defined by their relationship actually means.") In real life, that could be a sign of one partner isolating the other from friends, family, et cetera, an abusive tactic. (More on that below.)

The above also applies to same-sex/polyamorous relationships. Just because it’s not straight, doesn’t mean you treat them different.

Just because you’re writing a story about abuse/bigotry/incest/etc. doesn’t necessarily mean you’re endorsing said things. It’s only endorsing if it’s not shown as a bad thing.

Want to avoid accidentally writing a toxic relationship? You can start by not writing the following power dynamics: Large age gap (adhere to Age / 2 + 7), Huge difference in life experience, Master/Boss + subservient, Celebrity + fan, Literal powers + little/none. Almost all of those can work if the one with less influence/experience/power has the opportunity to match that and eventually take care of themselves should things go south. If they’re not, they’re in an abusive relationship. Physical/Sexual violence need not apply.

One partner shouldn’t be a caretaker for the other. Sure, both must care for one another, but one partner shouldn’t do all of the caring. On the one hand, the one not doing the work is lazy. On the other hand, the carer could be doing this to make the other dependent on them.

If you do intend to write a toxic relationship, make sure it ends either with both partners maturing, either by seeking counseling or ending the relationship. This is especially true if you’re writing an abusive one. However, as in reality, it is a process. Take your time.

People heal from such relationships in different ways. Some choose to seek a new partner, some don’t. Some choose to devote their passion elsewhere (like career or family). What’s important is that they come out better than they were in the relationship. Some… don’t heal, and end up continuing the cycle, by being a victim again or by becoming an abuser. This could work if you intend on writing a tragedy. An abuse victim becoming an abuser themselves or ending in another abusive relationship isn’t a happy ending.

On that note, you can write sad endings. However, tragedy doesn’t necessarily have to end with death. Characters should leave the story changed, no matter what, but a tragedy has to end with them going through a negative change; any, not just them dying or losing a loved one.

Opposing that, writing comedy is hard. There’s a fine line between humor feeling natural and forced. Try to stay on the former side of that line if possible. I find it’s best to write humor by not trying to. You do you, but remember that humor is in the ear of the beholder.

On the subject of love triangles: Make sure both rivals have their own good qualities so it’s not one-sided/between two awful people.

Make sure it ends in a way that satisfies all parties. How you do so is up to you. (Don’t pair your leftover with the protagonist’s baby.)

Romance can be affixed to other genres as well. Slice of Life, fantasy, sci-fi, historical, etc.

The difference between Fantasy and Sci-Fi? Magic vs. Science. Both require the creativity to pull the genre off, but both can take place in a variety of settings. You can write a Pirate Fantasy or a Sci-Fi Western. Maybe you wanna to combine both Sci-Fi and Fantasy. Try it!

Do your research! If you’re basing your story on a time period in a specific place, do your research on what it was like then. Scientific accuracy also helps when it comes to research (for Sci-Fi). Even fantasy requires research, if you wish to include real world elements.

On that note, lore and continuity are not interchangeable. Continuity is making sure plot points remain consistent. Lore is making sure world building stays consistent.

Age is just a number. However, don’t pair teens with adults, or barely-adults with grown adults. The rule of Age / 2 + 7? That also applies here to ensure audiences don’t feel too queasy.

That being said, you are allowed to start the story with your protagonists as kids.

On writing minorities: don’t rely on stereotypes, and don’t write minority characters just to have them. They deserve proper development as well.

Don’t be afraid to have people of two different races together; just be careful that neither protagonist comes off as racist.

On that note, research the people and cultures you wish to write about. Be careful so as to not come across as using said people/culture as a token.

Don’t just focus on the physical/sexual aspect. Sure, physical attraction plays a part, but the personality of both protagonists are more important. How well they get along.

On the topic of sex: it’s entirely optional. There’s plenty of ways to show intimacy without having your characters engage in sex. Just have them enjoy each other’s company. You’re still open to if your audience is more mature; just don’t forget sex isn’t the only option.

Speaking from experience: you can have love without sex. But you cannot have sex without love. (That’s rape!) It’s a, “not every rhombus is a square but every square is a rhombus,” scenario. However, if you just wanna indulge yourself with your work, go for it.

There's a fine line between objectification and expressing sexual agency. It's okay for characters to show pride in that. It's okay for characters to take pride in their modesty.

Promiscuity isn't inherently a bad thing. Abstinence isn't inherently a good thing.

Play around with relationship dynamics (childhood sweethearts, enemies to lovers, etc.)

You want to write a particular romance dynamic? Go right ahead: just make sure it makes sense with the characters you're writing first. Also, some are harder to pull off than others.

When writing Enemies to Lovers, keep in mind it's not an instantaneous progress. Give the enemies time to stop being enemies before you can move on to the, "Lovers" stage. Otherwise, you'll be asking yourself the same question you ask when you see sitcom couples who clearly hate each other and are only still in it for sex/their kids: "Why are you together?"

Another popular dynamic: childhood sweethearts. Just be careful not to write them like siblings (have one see the other “like a sibling” so to speak) and you should be good.

Whatever dynamic you choose, however, don’t be afraid to experiment, bring something fresh to it.

There’s nothing wrong with having a niche, nor is there anything wrong with expanding your horizons and trying something new and taking a risk.

You don’t want to write romance? You just want your protagonists to be platonic? That’s fine.

It’s okay if you don’t have everything planned out ahead of time. It’s okay if the story strays from that initial plan. Go with it. Improvise. Adapt. Outlines help you keep on track, but your story should feel alive to the audience. Changes to the original plan are natural.

Write for YOU. Yes, it’s satisfying to hear feedback, especially positive feedback, but it’s important to write for yourself.

On criticism, be open to it, but there’s a difference between constructive criticism and just vitriol from the reader. Only the former is important.

On writer’s block: if you need to walk away for a bit, go ahead. Maybe an idea will pop in the meantime. 

It’s okay to be ashamed of what you wrote in the past. That shows you’ve grown as a writer. It’s also okay to have unfinished drafts. They can be repurposed.

Most important when it comes to writing in general, not just romance: be happy in your work. You’re gonna have off days, but only you’ll know if it’ll be worth it in the end. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to move on to another creative field, or any other altogether.

Any other authors have any tips to share? Doesn’t have to be about romance; they can be about any part of the writing process! I will reblog this post with that advice and will tag you! Or you can reblog yourself.

#Writing #Writeblr #Writing Advice