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lilyevanstan1325 · 4 months

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🥀 Falling Apart 🥀

Chapter 1

Steve POV

"How are you, honey?" I ask closing my eyes.

"I'm fine"

"The girls?Jay?"

"They're fine" she replies while I heard a cry.

"Sorry Steve but I have to leave you, Jay has woken up.See you later"

I sigh full of frustration.

"Yeah, sure.Bye"

"Bye" Lily whispers back and then hangs up.

I remain motionless staring at the phone clutched in my hand.

She didn't even give me time to tell her I'd be back sooner than expected.

I feel a bundle of nerves.

I feel that I could explode at any moment.

"Are you all right hunk?" Nat asks watching me carefully.

I think about it for a moment.

I could continue lying as I have done for the last month.

I could continue to stick my head in the sand and carefully avoid addressing the problem.

But not today.

Today I feel particularly tired and on the verge of a mental breakdown.

Natasha continues to watch me without saying a word.

Her eyes as green as absinthe continue to bounce between me and the jet controls.

I put my phone in my pocket and then run my hands through my hair, ruffling it over and over again.

"No, nothing is all right.I feel like everything is falling apart" I admit with a sigh.

I lean forward placing my elbows on my knees and lowering my head.

I find myself staring at my feet unable to hold the gaze of my friend, my best friend after Bucky.

Natasha and I had a wonderful friendship right from the start.

She helped me a lot.

She has always been able to understand me.

She was my whole world when I thought I no longer had anyone.

After a few more seconds I feel her hand squeeze my shoulder tightly.

"What's going on Steve?" she asks me softly.

I squeeze my eyes tightly looking for the most suitable words to explain the situation I am experiencing, that Lily and I are experiencing.

I struggle to find the words because I am sure that once I have spoken openly with someone else the problem will become even more real.

We tried to ignore it, hoping it would disappear but over time it is only getting bigger and bigger.

I lift my head up to meet Nat's worried eyes.

"It's a mess at home.Things aren't going well with Lily" I admit feeling both light and defeated as a man.

Natasha sits down again in her place turning completely towards me, her posture is rigid.

My words struck her more than I imagined.

"What happens?Lily hasn't talked to me about anything"

"I think...I think she's ashamed of it.She thinks it's her fault"

The former Russian spy's gaze becomes more and more confused.

"What are you talking about Steve?" she asks, changing posture and leaning forward, she places her hand on my knee.

His blond bob sways for a few seconds.

"You know you can trust me.Everything you tell me will stay between the two of us"

I move my gaze from her hand to her face.

Her eyes are sweet and they contain all her concern for me.

"I really don't know where to start" I reply nervously.

"Lily and I barely talk to each other, mostly we only talk about the children.In the past two weeks, things have gotten worse.By now on the phone she answers in monosyllables"

I swallow empty feeling my chest tighten in a grip of pain.

"Since I have been away on this mission she has never said I love you to me.I know it will sound stupid but we did nothing but repeat it and now it's five fucking days that she hasn't told me anymore.I told her but she just answered me with a simple yeah" I add in one breath.

Natasha looks at me sadly.

"How is this possible Steve?Lily loves you, you have raised four wonderful children togheter.I can't believe that all your love has disappeared"

I stand up.

I feel nervous and I need to move.

I take a few steps back and forth trying to collect my thoughts.

"it is not gone.I love her even more than my own life and she too, I'm sure she loves me..."

"But?"

"But she has changed, Nat.Lily is no longer the same.She is so nervous.She...she is convinced that I don't want her like I used to.She is obsessed with the thought that in my eyes she is no longer attractive"

Natasha smiles.

"Why she would ever think that?"

I quickly look away from her eyes and this certainly does not go unnoticed.

"Steve, what aren't you telling me?"

Her question makes my heart beat faster.

But now that I have started this conversation I think it is useless to lie further.

"The problem is sex.The lack of sex"

Natasha's gaze hardens at my words.

She looks at me as if she is ready to tear my heart out of my chest and then dance on my corpse.

"Everything I could have thought Steve but not that you were that kind of man!Honestly what exactly do you expect from me?Comfort?Understanding?Jesus Christ Rogers!What the hell is wrong with you?"

I look at her, blinking totally numb.

"Natasha I don't know what you're thinking but I think you don't understand" I stammer totally taken aback by her aggression.

"Oh no, I understand perfectly well.Listen to me!That woman has only given birth three months ago and if she doesn't feel ready for sex yet, that's okay!You can't..."

"Woah woah!Slow down Romanoff!You have completely misunderstood!" I interrupt her by sitting down again in front of her and raising my hands in defense.

Her gaze tapers as she looks at me suspiciously.

"What do you mean?" she asks me crossing her arms to her chest.

I scratch the back of my neck feeling completely embarrassed.

Feeling like a complete idiot.

My gaze bounces from one point of the jet to the other.

"Wait!" Natasha exclaims.

"Please Steve, tell me that's not what I think" she adds, placing a hand in front of her mouth as if she is trying to hold back a nervous laugh.

For my part, I am confused by her question.

I shrug feeling helpless.

"Steve!Oh Steve!You can't turn down your fiancee like that.She has recently given birth, her hormones are in turmoil.You know how sensitive she is right now"

She sighs resignedly shaking her head.

We remain silent.

With my gaze lost in the blue of the sky I can feel her eyes burn on my skin.

"Why did you do that?And above all, did you try to explain to her why you did it?"

I shake my head, smiling briefly.

"A month ago Lily went to her gynecologist to check on how postpartum was going.She returned home happy, telling me that she was fine and the doctor told her that she could safely get back to doing...yeah...you know..."

"Sex.Rogers is called sex" Natasha interrupts me, giggling, making fun of me.

I roll my eyes.

"And what happened then?" my friend asks, in her eyes there is no malice but only a real interest for my problems.

"That evening, once we put all the children to bed, she started kissing me with the clear intention of having sex but I stopped her.I told her there was no rush, we could wait.Since that time it has been the decline.She accused me of no longer being attracted to her, that I rejected her because I find her fat" I spit angrily.

I hated every single word that came out of her mouth that night.

The accusations she made against me, besides being ridiculous, have offended me.

Does she really think I'm so superficial?

"But for you it's not like that"

"Of course it's not like that Nat!I am crazy about her.Her body is perfect for me.She is perfect"

I don't think I could ever think otherwise.

It's true that her body has become softer, her hips are more generous and her breasts more florid but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing for me.

"And did you explain this to her?" Natasha continues with her questions.

A corner of my lips rises in a bitter smile.

"Obviously...but she has heard no reason.She kept yelling at me and coming up with inappropriate arguments"

Maybe that's what hurt me the most.

Her lack of faith in my feelings.

After four children and a marriage proposal she can't really think what she told me.

"Inappropriate?" repeats Nat.

"Yes, inappropriate.She came up with nonsense about Peggy"

"Peggy Carter?"

"Mmh mmh.She said that I am not satisfied with her and that she is just a replacement.It's just absurd that Lily could have thought such a thing" I mutter feeling the anger build up inside me.

Peggy was a very important person to me.

She believed in me when I didn't even believe in me yet.

It's true, there was a time when I thought she was the love of my life but all that before I met Lily.

After catching her gaze on that New York sidewalk, I realized how much I overestimated my feelings for Peggy.

"Peggy was my first love it's true.But Lily is the love of my life.She is the only one I want.And I can swear it on my kids that if Peggy were here I would still choose Lily, I will always choose her" I whisper with a lump in my throat.

I love Lily with every fiber of my being and I feel dying at the idea that she is slipping away through my fingers.

Natasha looks into my eyes intensely, from her gaze I understand that there is something she is not telling me.

"What?" I ask suspiciously.

Natasha continues to hold my gaze as she speaks.

"This has always been her biggest fear.Do you remember the first Christmas you spent together?That evening as we were getting ready, she confided something to me?"

I nod.

I remember that evening.

I remember it perfectly.

That night we made love for the first time.

That night I felt the most beautiful emotions of my life.

"That night she confided to me that she was afraid you didn't love her as much as Peggy.That she would always come second in your life.I was convinced you solved it, that she told you about it but she apparently never did" Natasha continues.

"Yeah...she didn't do it" I reply disconsolately.

We both sigh.

"I know it's my fault.Since James was born I have almost always been away for work.I abandoned her, I left her alone to deal with three girls and a newborn..."

"Steve" Natasha stops me immediately placing her hand on my knee again.

"Steve you haven't abandoned her.This is your job and she has always been proud of your being Captain America.Your priority..."

"My priority should be my family.My woman.My children" I interrupt her abruptly but she smiles.

"But they are Steve, by doing your job you make the world a safer place.Your priority is to make the world a better place for your family to live.You do it for them, don't forget it"

I know.

And that's why I haven't given up on everything yet.

By doing my job I try to make this world a better place, because I want my family to be safe.

"Listen to me I don't question your good intentions Rogers.I know perfectly well that you are a good man.I know how much you love that woman and that you would do anything for her.But you have to try to understand her...in six years she has had three pregnancies and four children.Her nerves are in pieces.Even though you have always been a wonderful father and a present fiance, she is the one under the most stress.The children are little and mostly depend on her and even though we have always been close to her, it doesn't have to be easy for her"

Natasha is right.

Her life was turned upside down by many events.

She lived for ten years in submission at the mercy of a mad man whom she believed to be her father.

A father who almost destroyed her, who almost killed her.

A man who took her mother away from her forever.

A smile appears on my lips.

But Lily has always been stronger than she could ever imagine.

She defied space and time for me, she defied death to save me.

She defied death to give Sarah her life.

Lily gave me everything I ever wanted in life.

And how am I repaying her?

I am the first to die of desire for her and yet that evening of a month ago I rejected her because I naively thought I was doing her good.

Instead I didn't understand that she was just looking for confirmation and certainties from me.

I shake my head embittered.

"Damn Nat!What if I ruined everything?"

Natasha next to me laughs throwing her head back.

"Don't bullshit Rogers" she replies, continuing to laugh and turning to the jet control panel.

I watch her as she disengages the autopilot and resumes the controls of it.

"Listen to me!Tomorrow James and I will take the kids with us so you and Lily can have a nice evening together and maybe even a good night of wild sex"

Nat winks in my direction making me blush slightly.

"I'm serious Steve.You need some time for yourselves to find yourselves.To rediscover why you fell in love" she adds softly.

"Thanks Nat" I murmur grabbing her hand and squeezing it hard.

Natasha smiles at me and then makes the jet land very gently on the Compound landing strip.

Now I just have to make a stop before returning to my house and groped to be forgiven by my fiancée.

When I reach the porch of my house the sun is about to set.

The white facade of the house is illuminated by the last rays of the sun and the sky shines with that wonderful orange-red hue.

I open the front door and the first thing that strikes me is the silence.

In our house, silence is a rare thing.

Especially since the twins were born.

I walk straight towards the kitchen but the room is empty.

I feel the panic rising up my gut.

Where are the girls?

And Jay?

Where is Lily?

For a moment, just for a moment, a terrible thought comes into my mind.

What if Lily decided to leave me and take our children with her?

I shake my head trying to push these absurd thoughts away.

Lily would never do that to me.

I feel like an idiot just for thinking about it.

I take off my jacket leaving it on the kitchen counter and with a brisk pace I go upstairs to Sarah's room.

It's empty.

I step into that of the twins.

This is also empty.

With my heart pounding furiously in my chest I approach our bedroom, the door is open and the image that appears in front of me warms my heart.

Lily is sitting on the wicker rocking chair in front of the large window.

Squeezed in her arms there is my little James.

Lily gently rocks herself, humming a tender lullaby.

Jay looks at her almost entranced.

The sunset light hits them, creating bewitching plays of light, giving the scene an ethereal beauty.

The sweetness enclosed in this image only reminds me how special this woman is.

Fantastic.

Lily is a wonderful mother, a caring and loving fiancee.

She still hasn't noticed my presence, too intent on pouring all her attention on Jay.

I leaning against the door jamb to observe her, totally enraptured.

After a few minutes her eyes lift up and she finally becomes aware of my presence.

"Hi" she whispers smiling softly.

God, how much I have missed her!

Her gaze lingers on what I hold in my hands and her cheeks are colored with a delicious shade of red.

I still love having the power to embarrass her after all these years.

"Are those for me?" she asks, returning her gaze to mine.

I rock in place slightly embarrassed.

The weight of the words we said to each other, that we shouted at each other, weighs on my heart.

"Yeah.I know how much you like sunflowers" I whisper as I approach her and place the large bunch of sunflowers in the vase on the dresser next to me.

Lily turns her head to the sunflowers.

"Thank you.They're beautiful" she murmurs.

"Where are the girls?" I ask as I get closer to her.

Lily smiles.

"They are at the Compound with Pepper.They're having their first sleepover tonight.Morgan and Peter were so excited I couldn't say no to them"

I reach down to her and pull Jay from her arms.

She lays him gently in my arms and sits watching me.

I shift my gaze to my baby's.

His eyes, blue just like mine, are watching me.

I lean towards him kissing his mop of black curls.

I take a deep breath of his sublime perfume, that perfume that only newborns have.

I sit on the edge of the bed and turn my attention back to my fiancée.

I observe her carefully.

She is wearing black leggings and one of my old t-shirts.

Her hair is pulled back into a messy bun and deep dark circles surround her gorgeous black eyes.

"I'm sorry" I whisper feeling small and insignificant.

Only now I am realizing how exhausting her days are.

Lily looks down without saying anything.

I rock Jay gently for another couple of minutes until his eyelids begin to flicker and after an adorable yawn he falls asleep.

I get out of bed continuing to rock him and paying the utmost attention I place him in his crib.

I cover him with a sheet and kiss his forehead.

"I love you my little one" I whisper, stroking his little head.

I take a deep breath and walk up to Lily.

I kneel at her feet, grabbing her hands in mine.

"Sorry I was absent"

Lily shakes her head.

"It's your job Steve"

"That doesn't mean I don't feel guilty for often leaving you alone with four children" I whisper to her and then kiss the back of her hand.

Very slowly I approach and rest my head on her lap.

After a few moments of hesitation, Lily begins to stroke my hair.

"I love you Steve"

And at her words I return to breathe.

I lift my head bringing my gaze into hers, her little hand from my hair moves to my cheek and I rock in her touch.

Lily smiles leaning towards me until her lips are on mine.

It's a short kiss.

Sweet.

But full of unspoken words.

Full of whispered apologies.

"I love you too honey" I reply.

I stand up and offer her my hand.

She looks at me curiously but without asking questions she grabs my hand and I help her to get up.

Once on her feet I draw her towards me locking her in my embrace.

My arms wrap her shoulders and she with a great sigh buries her face in my chest while her hands cling tightly to the fabric of my shirt.

We remain embraced wrapped in silence but after a few moments a small sob escapes from Lily's lips, immediately followed by another.

"Don't cry my babygirl.What happens?" I whisper in her ear.

I feel so helpless in her pain that I want to scream.

"I took my last shower three days ago" she whimpers against my chest.

I continue to hold her tight while I massage her back with one of my hands.

It sounds like an insignificant statement but to my ears it rings like a cry for help.

"It's alright Lily, it's alright" I try to reassure her.

I feel her sniff.

"I'm sorry to react like this, it's just that I feel a bit stressed"

"I know honey but now you don't have to worry anymore.I asked Fury for some free time.I promise you I'll be more present now" I whisper to her.

At my words Lily moves away from my chest showing me her red and shiny eyes.

"But you love your job" she replies, almost shocked by the idea that I might want to take a break from it.

"You love being Captain America, Steve"

I shak my head with a smile.

"But I love you more.And our children" I reply simply by shrugging my shoulders.

Lily stands on tiptoe and kisses me, this time with a little more audacity.

Her tongue slides over my lips, a sweet invitation that I am unable to resist.

My hands wrap her face while giving more strength to our kiss I push her to tilt her head back.

A soft moan escapes her lips.

And for me it is heaven.

"How about we take this shower together?" I whisper sensually, sliding my lips along her neck and sucking her soft skin.

Lily just jumps.

"Jay?"

"Jay is sleeping.And we'll be in the room next door" I keep murmuring with my lips on her skin.

She seems to hesitate a moment but then her hands sink into my hair and another moan escapes from her lips.

This is definitely a sign of surrender.

So continuing to kiss her I lift her into my arms making her legs wrap around my waist.

We resume kissing like two lovebirds and with a sure-footed step I walk towards the bathroom door in our room.

It is a small bathroom, equipped only with the necessary and a small shower.

Exactly everything I need right now.

Before crossing the threshold of the door Lily breaks away from my lips by reaching out her arm towards my shoulders.

"Get the baby monitor" she whispers softly to avoid waking the baby.

I giggle rolling my eyes.

"Lily is not needed, we are a few steps from him"

"Please.Just for safety"

"Ok ok.You win" I mumble going back and grabbing the baby monitor with one hand, then I head back to the bathroom.

I put the little monitor on the sink and without even bothering to take off our clothes, with Lily still in my arms, I sling under the shower opening the water.

Lily giggles in amusement.

I put her down making sure she's steady on her feet and then go hungry on her lips.

Lily POV

Steve grabs the edges of my now soaked t-shirt and making me lift my arms he pulls it from my head.

I am not wearing anything under it and his gaze lights up as if he had seen a mirror of water after days without drinking.

His eyes sparkle with hunger.

A hunger that I hadn't seen in him for a while.

The same hunger that grips my bowels.

He throws himself with arrogance on my sensitive breasts due to breastfeeding, making me jump with sweet pleasure mixed with pain.

His soft lips wrap around a nipple and his sweet tongue licks it slowly.

I automatically arch my back, digging my hands into his soaked hair.

I moan trying to keep my voice low.

I don't want the baby to wake up.

But I don't want it for a completely selfish reason...

I don't want to interrupt this moment.

I don't want Steve to stop.

I know we have to talk and face what has happened in the last month but now I don't want to.

Now I just want to enjoy the feel of his hands on my body.

Of his tongue on my body.

A shiver runs through me when his hands move on my hips and with a single movement he takes off my leggings and panties.

Leaving me totally naked under his eager and hungry gaze.

On the contrary, he is still fully dressed.

"You have a little too many clothes on for my tastes Captain" I whisper sensually with a hint of disappointment in my voice.

I watch him as he kneels at my feet and very slowly grabs my right thigh and places it on his shoulder.

His crystalline gaze burns in mine.

"There will be time for that too.Now let your daddy take care of you.I've neglected you for so long that I can't forgive myself.Let me make amends" he whispers, moving his face closer and closer to my glowing center.

I can feel his warm breath between my thighs and this is enough for me to go into ecstasy.

Steve sinks his face into my body and his tongue freaks me out.

He licks me slowly, long hot laps that make my legs tremble.

Then his mouth lingers on my clit, he gently squeezes it between his lips and then begins to sucks.

I gasp desperately in pleasure, my hands wander everywhere.

In his hair, on his shoulders, looking for a foothold to remain standing.

"I missed you so much" I gasp in spasms of pure pleasure.

Steve brings a hand between my legs and while his tongue takes care of the clit worshiping it, his fingers explore.

I feel them slide easily inside me and then move it in that way that I love so much.

My breathing quickens and the moans become more and more uncontrolled.

My hips move to meet the thrust of Steve's hand.

"Cum for me my babygirl" Steve gasps on my sex giving me goosebumps.

I grab his hair between my closed fists and pulling them lightly I cum murmuring his name like a sweet litany.

Steve remains on his knees continuing to stimulate me until I feel my legs give way.

At that point he stands up and pressing his hard and firm body against mine he pushes me impetuously against the shower tiles, kissing me almost angrily.

His tongue enters my mouth overwhelmingly grabbing and plundering everything in its path.

Everything around us is a cloud of steam, the hot water continues to flow over our heads, washing away the last residues of anxieties and worries.

My impatient hands grab his shirt now soaked in water and with fingers trembling with pleasure they unbutton the first buttons but Steve seems impatient so without caring about anything he grabs the two ends and pulls them making the buttons pop.

"You know I will not mend it" I tease him while with my fingers I trace the sensual lines of his abdominal muscles where the drops of water chase each other eager to travel every inch of that body that seems to be carved in marble.

A hiss escapes Steve's lips as my fingers travel through that wonderful and sensual V and plunge into his pants, brushing his rock-hard erection that throbs anxiously to rejoin my body.

"I don't give a shit!" he whispers as he unbuttons his pants with impatient hands, lowering them down his muscular thighs.

"Language" I scold him, snatching a smile from him.

"In these cases I'm not a bigoted my babygirl" he murmurs while with a last gesture he takes off his boxers, letting them fall at his feet.

"Oh in that case...why you don't fuck me right now, daddy?" I murmur blinking languidly as I wrap my fingers around his warm erection.

A cavernous growl resounds in his chest and grabbing my arms he spins me around until my back is facing him.

"Anything you want" he whispers in my ear grabbing my buttocks in his hands and penetrating me.

And despite the passion and the heat of the moment he does it softly, aware that it is the first time we have had sex since I gave birth to Jay.

My hands try to find a grip on the tiles made slippery by the water.

I moan slightly in pain trying to relax as much as possible to allow my body to get used to his sweet intrusion again.

"Are you okay honey?" Steve asks me wrapping an arm around my waist while with the other hand he pushes my wet hair away from my face.

I nod unable to speak.

Everything is so painfully perfect that words struggle to find the way.

Steve kisses me leaning my head back and slowly begins to move inside my body.

His full length slides in and out of my pussy as his arm around my waist continues to help keep me on my feet.

His free hand goes down and teases my clit.

Steve panting nonstop in my ear sending bursts of pure pleasure all over my body.

My hands cling to the sides of his thighs, clawing at the flesh with my nails.

The hand that was immersed between my thighs goes up my stomach, touches my breasts as he passes by and then rests on my neck.

His strong, calloused fingers wrap perfectly around it, squeezing just enough to make another disarming orgasm overwhelm me, shaking every particle of my body.

Steve's grunts become more intense and stiffening from his pleasure I feel him cum inside me.

We stay still so letting our hearts resume beating at a normal pace.

I turn around in his arms, throwing my arms around his neck and kissing him softly.

"I missed you" I whisper on his lips.

"I missed you too"

We smile at each other but then a thought hits me with all the weight of it.

"Jay!" I exclaim in fear, poking my head out of the shower stall, looking at the baby monitor.

I was so taken with pleasure that I completely forgot about my little baby.

"Don't fret Lily.He is sleeping.Look" Steve whispers reaching out and grabbing the baby monitor to bring it closer to my face.

On the small screen I see my little one sleeping blissfully.

I take a breath and relax, my heart begins to slow its furious rush.

Steve smiles at me and grabbing the shampoo he starts washing my hair.

We soap each other while continuing to steal kisses and caresses.

Words of love and moans are lost in the air evaporating around us.

Once we are dry and dressed, we go back to the bedroom.

The room is now plunged into darkness, the sun has set.

Steve lies down on the bed but before I can reach him a little cry attracts the attention of both of us.

"I think someone is hungry" Steve chuckles as he leans his back against the headboard and crosses his arms across his chest.

His usually always perfectly combed blonde hair falls softly around his face.

His gaze seems much more relaxed than he has been in the last month.

And now I feel much better too.

I smile and approaching the crib I grab Jay and then go and sit on the bed next to Steve.

I lift my shirt allowing Jay to position himself comfortably in my arms and he eagerly latches onto my breasts.

Jay begins to feed from my breast while with his beautiful eyes he continues to observe me and his father who has moved and placed himself right next to us.

I shake my head, sighing in amusement.

"What's up?" Steve asks with a half smile.

"I was thinking that out of four children all four have your eyes.I find it unfair" I complain pretending to pout.

Pout that Steve never misses an opportunity to kiss and makes me laugh.

"Maybe the next one will have your eyes" he shrugs with indifference.

I glare at him with my gaze making him burst out laughing.

"I can't find anything funny Captain Asshole!" I answer seriously and then let myself be infected by his joy.

I smile too, rolling my eyes.

We remain silent until Steve's voice brings me back to reality.

"I'm sorry Lily.I'm sorry my actions led you to think those things" he murmurs.

I shake my head at his words.

"What?"

"You don't have to apologize Steve.It's my fault.I'm sorry I accused you of those things"

We remain silent again.

Steve speaks again but this time he does it looking straight ahead.

"You're sorry but deep down you really think so, don't you?"

I think about it and wonder if I should continue lying or finally face my fears.

"Yes"

Steve sighs and then turns to me.

"I love you Lily.Not Peggy.It's you the woman I want"

I feel comforted by his words but something inside of me hesitates in fear and this is not unnoticed to Steve.

"Listen to me" he whispers, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

"Peggy was the first person I loved in a romantic way.You are the first and the only one I can say that I have truly fallen in love with.The moment my gaze landed on you for the first time, I knew I would never have a chance.I told myself that if I didn't try to get to know you, I would regret it all my life.You are the only one.And you will always be" he adds, placing his lips on my forehead.

I close my eyes and let out a shaking sigh.

"I love you Steve" I whisper, resting my head on his shoulder.

"I love you too" he answers me softly.

Jay has meanwhile finished his feed and yawning snuggles against my chest falling asleep almost immediately.

Steve offers to put him back in his crib and once he's done he come back to bed.

And wrapped in his arms I spend the next few hours chatting about everything and nothing.

As we have not done for some time.

We chat until sleep envelops us in his sweet mantle.

An annoying noise awakens me from my state of bliss.

The sun rushes into the room illuminating the crib where Jay is still sleeping.

I try to sit up and blink frantically to get used to the daylight.

That annoying noise continues to vibrate in my ears and apparently also in Jay's as he nervously turns his little head from side to side as if he were trying to chase this ugly noise away.

I turn to the night stand and realize that that unpleasant sound is coming from there.

It's my phone ringing.

"What happens?" asks Steve's sleepy voice behind me.

I turn to him, checking my phone's display.

"My father" I yawned in confusion as I accepted the call.

"Hello?" I ask trying to get up because Jay has started to cry.

But Steve is faster than me, he gets up and with two big strides approaches the crib taking the baby in his arms.

Then he comes and sits next to me.

"Lily you must come to the Sanctuary.Immediately"

My father's voice sounds alarmed.

"What's going on dad?"

"Is Steve with you?" he asks me without answering my question.

"Yes, he is here.Dad you're scaring me what's up?The girls?" my voice dies in my throat.

Maybe something has happened to the girls and my father doesn't know how to tell me?

At my question Steve stiffens.

His body is a bundle of nerves even though his grip on Jay continues to be as delicate as the wings of a butterfly.

"The girls are with Pepper but you and Steve need to come here right away!Move!"

So saying he hangs up without giving me the opportunity to ask further questions.

I stand up almost dazed, I feel confused.

Steve watches me closely.

"What's going on honey?" he asks me while I'm already with my head in the closet looking for something to wear.

I pull out jeans and a simple white shirt.

"I...I don't know.My father looked really scared.I don't know!It's not like him...he just told me he wants both of us to be at the Sanctuary.Immediately" I exclaim while in the meantime I have already dressed.

I run to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

I look in the mirror and a shiver runs down my spine.

There is something wrong.

Something horrible is about to happen.

I feel that.

I quickly get out of the bathroom and grabbing a bag I fill it with everything Jay needs, then I take the baby from Steve's arms and place him on the bed I begin to change him.

"Hurry up Steve!Get dressed!I will open a portal to the Sanctuary" I exclaim without looking at him as I dress my child with automatic gestures and my heart swollen with fear.

I feel the tears rise to my eyes but I push them back strongly.

After all, I should have expected it.

I am a Guardian.

I have decided to share my life with Captain America.

With an Avangers.

And now something is coming to threaten our peace.

I should be ready but I'm not really.

"Lily?Lily honey can you hear me?" Steve's voice brings me back to reality.

I shake my head trying to get all my cool back.

"Hold the baby" I murmur and then open a portal right in front of our eyes.

Blue sparks crackle all around us as we cross it and in a moment we are in front of the large wooden staircase of the Sanctuary.

Staircase that is currently destroyed, as if something had rained down from above and had shattered it.

I look up and realize that much of the ceiling is also destroyed.

What the hell is going on?

The portal closes behind me and the first thing I notice is Tony's shocked face.

What the hell is Tony Stark doing in my father's house at 10 on Sunday morning?

"What happens?" I ask, looking around in search of my father.

I find him next to Steve, he's taking his grandson in his arms.

And in that moment I notice them.

Two men in front of the staircase.

They are both very tall but have two completely different physicalities.

One of them is blond with long hair that falls over his shoulders and two eyes as blue as the sea.

His body is made up of a mass of muscle and strength.

His gaze looks good but there is something in his eyes that leaves me breathless.

A pain so palpable that it leaves me stunned.

The man next to him has a much slimmer build, has long black hair and eyes so green that they seem unnatural.

His austere and haughty gaze only observes me from the moment I set foot in the Sanctuary.

I think I know who they are.

Steve and the others told me about them.

"Thor!" Steve exclaims turning to the blond man and approaching him, the two men hugs.

Then Steve's gaze moves for a moment to the other man, looking at him with suspicion.

Everything lasts a few moments then his attention is completely refocused on Thor.

"My friend.I bring horrible news.I'm sorry"

And with that Thor sets his gaze on me.

I honestly feel totally unprepared for this.

I cross my arms across my chest, preventing panic from taking hold of me.

"What the hell is going on?"

My father looks at me continuing to hold Jay to his chest but does not answer me, it is Thor who does it.

"A lethal threat is upon your world.Thanos is coming here to get hold of the last three Infinity Stones" he murmurs in his dark voice.

My arms drop lifeless along my body.

"What are you saying Thor?" Steve asks.

In his eyes I can see all the despair that Thor's words imply.

Someone is coming to get the Stones.

This means that my life and my father's are in danger.

"He's saying Thanos is a fool.And he will exterminate all your people to take possession of the Stones" replies the man with the emerald eyes.

"Loki is right" adds Thor with his big teary eyes.

"He exterminated all my people Captain.Asgard no longer exists.My brother Loki and I are all that's left of it"

I feel the chill invade my heart.

"What Stones do he owns?" I ask in a cold tone.

"He is in possession of the Soul Stone, Reality Stone and Power Stone.Already like this he is the most powerful creature in the universe" my father replies, turning to me for the first time since I arrived.

In his eyes there is all the pain of a father.

"If he could get his hands on all six Stones he could destroy life to an extent unimaginable to date" adds Loki.

Tony gets up nervously from his chair and starts pacing back and forth nervously.

He looks like he's about to say something but his phone rings.

He grabs it by responding promptly.

"Rhodey?What happens?" asks the millionaire in a worried voice.

He nods a couple of times while remaining silent.

"Ok ok.Hold on" he exclaims, hanging up.

"What happens?" I ask.

God today I seem to be a broken record.

"Barton just showed up at the Compound, with him are Wanda and Vision.Vision is seriously injured.Apparently Thanos' men found him but they managed to escape"

I try to listen to what Tony says but in my head only his first words ring out.

Barton just showed up at the compound.

At the Compound where my girls are at the moment.

"Steve!" I whimper agitatedly.

He immediately approaches my side, the curious gazes of the two Asgardian brothers follow his every movement.

Steve wraps his big hands around my face.

"The girls are at the Compound" I whisper full of terror.

This Thanos and his men seem cruel and unstoppable.

What if they break into the Avengers headquarters?

Steve's anguished gaze is the mirror of mine, he too is thinking the same thing.

He bends down to kiss my forehead.

Tony approaches us.

"Captain, take Jay and go to the Compound.Natasha and the others need you.Take Jay with you, once you get there Pepper will take all the children to a safe place" murmurs Tony equally terrified.

His children are also there.

Paul, the son of Sam and Layla is also there.

Steve shakes his head letting go of my face.

"I will not leave you!" he exclaims with conviction.

I smile sadly as I approach him who in the meantime has moved away from me reaching Thor's side.

"Listen to me babe!Here, there is nothing you can do"

"Here I have you to protect" he interrupts me.

I smile with my heart swollen with love for this wonderful man.

"I can take care of myself Rogers, have you forgotten that?" I tease him but he doesn't let himself be provoked.

He doesn't smile.

Infinite emotions pass on his face.

Anger, fear, torment, wrath.

I get a little closer and grab his hands.

"Take Jay with you.Keep the children safe.I will arrive as soon as possible.I promise you" I whisper, hating me with all of myself.

I'm making him a promise that I know is going to be really hard to keep.

And he knows it too.

"Take care of our children.Tell them mom loves them" I murmur in a tearful voice.

Steve wraps me in his arms, squeezing me against his body.

His trembling hands caress every part of my face.

"This is not a goodbye" he hisses in anger and then kisses me wildly, ignoring all eyes on us.

When he lets me go, I go back to my father.

"Give me the baby, dad" I whisper.

My dad hugs Jay and kisses his head.

"See you soon champion" he whispers, laying him in my arms.

I take a moment to impress the scent of my baby in my memory.

I feel the tears push against my eyes at the thought that I may never see him again.

At the thought that I can't hug Sarah, Sophia and Natalia to say them goodbye.

"I love you James.I love you so much.I do it for you and your sisters.I hope someday you'll understand me, my choices" I whisper in his ear as I approach Steve.

Steve takes the baby from my arms and my father opens a portal for him.

I thank him with a look, at the moment I'm so out of my mind that I don't know if I would have succeeded.

"I love you Elisabeth.Come back to us" my wonderful fiance pleads me.

I nod.

"I love you too, Captain" I whisper.

The portal closes again, depriving me of their sight.

A trembling sigh leaves my lips.

"It's going to be okay little Strange" Tony whispers at my side.

"I hope so" I reply devoid of any emotion.

Thor continues to observe me, his undeterred gaze begins to tire me so I begin to stare at him in turn raising an eyebrow.

"I didn't know that Captain Rogers had a family with the Guardian of the Space Stone.How many children do you have?" he asks me.

I think back to my beautiful family and a big smile spreads on my lips.

"Four" I murmur feeling a lump tighten my throat.

But now is not the time to bask in pain.

Now we need to find a plan to follow.

I turn to my father who has already regained all his composure.

His gaze is serious and lucid now.

"How long do we have?" I ask him.

Thor seems to want to answer but Loki silences him with a wave of his hand.

All our eyes are now on him.

Loki ignores us and approaches the large entrance door.

From its glass we see people running in despair, screams of pure panic echo in the street.

My feet seem to move on their own, I pass by Loki opening the door in front of me.

I go out into the street and the scene that appears in front of me is surreal.

There are people who scream and run away.

At a brisk pace I head towards the point from which all these citizens are fleeing.

It's panic out here.

A woman falls at my feet, I bend down to help her and while I help her to get back on her feet a car swerves and crashes into a light pole just a few steps away from us.

The screams of people are getting louder and more frightening.

"You better hide your Stones" Stark yells behind me.

"Or maybe we will have to use them" murmurs my father who joined me.

We both prepare for the fight.

Thor and Loki are behind us.

They too seem ready to fight.

Turning the corner, we all stop suddenly and remain speechless.

Up in the sky, a kind of spaceship is approaching, remaining suspended a few hundred meters above the ground.

All five of us approach cautiously when suddenly a ray of blue light hits the ground and two strange figures appear from them.

One is more than 7 feet, is huge and he holds a kind of extremely creepy ax in its hands.

The other is much lower.

He doesn't look as scary as his friend but something makes me say that he is much more powerful.

They look humanoid but they're face have something that reminds me of mollusks.

Their skin is gray and their black eyes seem devoid of any depth.

"Hear me and rejoice.You are about to die at the hands of Thanos' children.Be grateful that your insignificant lives now contribute to the balance..."

"I'm sorry but the Earth is closed today!You better pack your bags and leave" exclaims Tony interrupting the ranting of this strange being.

The monster looks at Tony with a sort of contempt in his gaze and ignoring his words turns his attention to me and my father.

"Guardians of Stones.Does this talkative animal speak for you?" he asks almost annoyed that he has been interrupted.

I take a few steps forward sliding my power through my hands.

Blue sparks wrap around them going up my arms.

"You have boundless both in this city and in this planet!" I scream.

"It means go away Squiddy!" Stark adds making a mockery of the alien.

Behind me my father projects his magic into his hands as he prepares for the fight.

Thor holds a large hammer in his hands while Loki whirls some knives in the air.

Tony by my side gives me a wink and after a moment the Iron Man armor is all around his body.

The disgusting aliens in front of us doesn't seem to be making a move.

He just sighs and turning to the monster to his right murmurs "All this wears me out.Bring me the Stones"

And at his words that monster of more than 7 feet begins to inexorably advance towards us.

But if until a few minutes ago I felt scared and unprepared now it is no longer the case.

I feel charged with a new strength.

If I want to keep the people I love safe, I have to fight with all my strength and abilities.

And now here we are.

The fight is about to begin and I will not allow anyone to harm my children, my Captain, my friends, my family.

I will fight.

Thanos will regret attacking Earth.

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