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eldritch-nightmare · 8 months

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Mk, so, how about Liu, and any other characters of your choice with an S/O who has selective-mutism, but one day they just randomly decide to say something, but it’s in a completely different language. Idk where I got the idea from.

a/n: i saw liu's name and i couldn't restrain myself. i'm monolingual so i had to use various translation sites so if these are incorrect then i am so sorry. nd i opted to just have the reader randomly say 'i love you' because that seemed like an easy phrase to not butcher. except for liu. with what i wrote, i did have to give a full phrase other than 'i love you' and i put it through multiple translation sites so uhm fingers crossed that it's accurate uhm if you speak danish and it isn't then first off i am so sorry and second off can you please tell me what the actual translation is anyways this is a long note sorry fdhjfh hope you enjoy!!

with a selectively mute s/o that speaks in a different language.

includes: homicidal liu, the doll maker, nurse ann, and clockwork.

warnings: gn reader, it's honestly mostly just sappy, liu downplays a stab wound but that's really it.

HOMICIDAL LIU.

Liu doesn't really think about your selective mutism. You'll talk to him whenever you're comfortable, and if that's never then that's fine with him. All he cares about is your comfort.

Besides, if you ask him, he does enough talking for the both of you. At least... he thinks he talks a lot. It definitely feels like it. And who knows, he probably just teaches you morse code so you two can communicate like that.

And little did either of you know, today was the day you'd speak to him for the first time. And not for good reason, sadly. You see, Liu... isn't necessarily a careful person when it comes to his own safety.

So he may or may not have gotten hurt. But it's not like it's a life-threatening injury or anything like that! Besides, he's taught himself how to treat minor wounds like this. Really, it isn't that big of a deal.

You think otherwise, because, uh, he was fucking stabbed. Who the hell considers a stab wound a 'minor' injury?!

So when you saw him cleaning and stitching up a stab wound, this obviously led to some bickering between the two of you. Liu is telling you that he's okay, while you're aggressively telling him via morse code that he's been stabbed and that he needs to get professional medical attention. But Liu was fine. He's gone through way worse than this, so you really don't have to worry.

But him saying that just leads to you throwing up your hands in frustration as you say, "Dammit, kan du ikke se, at jeg er bekymret, fordi jeg elsker dig?!"

And... well... Liu doesn't really know what you just said but he feels really bad knowing that this is what made you speak to him for the first time.

He'll sigh and apologize for not taking his injuries seriously, and he promises to get professional help rather than just treating it himself. He... is legally classified as dead, so he can't go to a hospital but... I mean... he knows a guy who was studying medicine. And a very suspicious doctor.

THE DOLL MAKER.

Vine's native tongue is Russian, so more often than not he'll mutter to himself in his mother tongue rather than any other language.

He doesn't really care if you speak or not, mostly because he feels more comfortable in the silence. He's not the best at holding conversations.

He was busy making a doll with non-human parts this time around. And you were roaming around his little workshop, inspecting all his half-finished projects and sketches of future dolls he planned on making.

Vine trusts you to be around his work, so he's not worried about you accidentally making a mess or breaking anything but he does find himself feeling a little nervous.

Dollmaking is his passion, it's something he loves doing. And he loves you as well and values your opinion more than anyone else's. What if you think he's not doing a good job? What if you think he could make something better?

You've never given him the impression that you dislike dolls or find his creations and passion to be 'childish' but it's still a thought that lingers in his mind nonetheless. Thoughts like this constantly plague his mind.

But when he glances away from the doll he's working on to see you gently straightening out the dress of another one that's on display, a small smile gracing your lips as you admire his creation...

"Я тебя люблю." The words just sorta slipped out of his mouth, and it took him a moment before he went to repeat what he said in English but you spoke before he could even open his mouth.

"Я тебя тоже люблю." And oh. That's the first time he's ever heard you speak, he thinks.

NURSE ANN.

She too is selectively mute, though she doesn't speak because it physically hurts to more often than not, and also... she sees no real reason to talk, to be honest.

You two probably communicate via sign language or writing, though she'll quietly whisper to you if she has to.

Ann doesn't care if you talk or not. She gets it, even if you two have vastly different reasons for your selective mutism.

She's not going to have that big a reaction when you do talk, though she will tilt her head to the side a bit when you speak in an entirely different language.

It'll probably happen while the two of you are spending time together in silence, Ann doing her own thing while you're sitting nearby.

She was caught up in her own little task, mind empty. She was vaguely aware of your gaze on her, but she only really came back to reality when she heard you sigh and softly murmur to yourself.

"Ich liebe dich."

She blinks, taking a moment to process your words. She... doesn't understand German, but the way you softly spoke the words, and the way you were looking at her with such fondness... well, she had a vague idea of what you said.

And very quietly, she whispers back, "Love you too."

CLOCKWORK.

Natalie seems like the type of person who wants to learn a new language, and even begins starting to, but her motivation for it just evaporates two days after starting and she stops trying to learn. And it's just a cycle that rinses, washes, and repeats itself.

Anyways, she overthinks a lot and needs constant reassurance more than she would like, so at the beginning of your relationship, communication was probably a little rocky.

But you guys manage to come up with other ways to communicate rather than vocally.

She'll catch herself wondering what your voice sounds like, and she'll sometimes wonder if you'll ever feel comfortable enough around her to speak but she doesn't push you to talk.

She understands, trust me.

But she's definitely surprised when you wake her up from her nap just to look her in the eye and bluntly say, "Anh yêu em." and you don't even give her a chance to process it before you walk away.

She's just baffled and confused. What the hell did you just say to her? You just spoke. What the hell did you say? Is she dreaming? She feels awake. She's definitely awake.

Natalie has to dig around for her phone to try and search for the translation of what you said, and it takes her a few tries before she finally manages to type it out correctly. She definitely buries her face in a pillow when she reads the translation. And she ends up falling back asleep.

It's only when she wakes up again that she'll go and find you. She'll wrap her arms around your waist and rest her forehead on your shoulder before placing a gentle kiss there and tiredly murmuring, "I love you too."

#anon #homicidal liu x reader #the doll maker x reader #nurse ann x reader #clockwork x reader #creepypasta x reader #homicidal liu x you #the doll maker x you #nurse ann x you #clockwork x you #creepypasta x you

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gucciwins · 2 years

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why is daddy sad?

a simple question...yet why is it so hard for Y/N to answer

A/N: you asked for more angst dad harry and well i'm here to deliver. i was suppose to be working on a report but this idea came to mind and i hope you give it a read. would love to hear your thoughts. love you 🫶

Word count: 1572

Warnings: angst (all sad)

Masterlist

_____

“Why is Daddy always sad?” Saylor, Y/N’s, and Harry’s five-year-old asked.

Y/N wishes her son couldn’t notice the sadness displayed on their father’s face.

It has been two years since Harry decided to stop touring and instead focus on songwriting for others. He made the choice because he wanted to be here to see his children grow up. He wanted to stop missing milestones and instead learn to be here for them all. Y/N told him he didn’t need to, but he was adamant it happened.

She knew he was choosing them, but she never wanted to feel like he had to. The first year was bliss. Harry spent it at home with Saylor and Lucy. He became the stay-at-home dad while you worked as a publisher and got promoted to publishing manager in the last year.

Life was good.

At least it was for a while. Soon, the trips got shorter. The writing sessions became longer. Harry attending his child’s event became nonexistent; before they knew it, he became a ghost.

He lived among them, no longer the cheerful dad becoming the quiet dad who gave no single input. He no longer lived to make his children laugh. He was there, but why did it seem they had lost him?

For Y/N to know that Saylor has noticed how distant he has become, she must do something. She has no idea where to start, but she has an idea of someone always ready to help.

_____

Lucy slowly walked up the steps holding onto the railing as her parents taught her. She made the short walk to the end of the hallway, her mermaid plushy in hand. She pushed the door open, finding the person she was searching for, her father sitting on his leather couch filled with pillows, notebooks opened on the table.

“Daddy?”

Harry turned his head at the sound of a small voice. “Hi, Luce.”

“Can you play with me?”

He sighed, dropping the notebook in his hand. “Not right now.”

“Why?” A simple question for a four-year-old.

“I’m busy.”

“But Daddy,”

“No, Lucy.”

Lucy’s shoulders drop, and her eyes well up with tears. Her father didn’t bother picking up his head to notice he hurt her feelings. She hurries out of the room and into her brother’s room because he always makes her feel better.

At dinner, it’s quieter than usual. Y/N sees her children whisper to each other but never look up from their plates. Harry eats quietly until he notices Lucy not eating her vegetables.

“Lucy, can’t ignore your veggies.” He points out to Y/N’s plate. “Mummy’s eating all of hers.”

Lucy ignores him, purposely pushing the veggies further away to the edge of her plate. Harry puts his fork down, “Lucy Anne, please.”

“Lucy is upset with you, Dad. Please don’t talk to her like that.” Saylor speaks up, shocking both Y/N and Harry.

“What do you mean, Saylor?” Y/N asks, not understanding what happened in the short time she was away buying groceries earlier in the day.

“Dad made Luce cry and did not apologize.” Saylor looks down at Lucy holding her hand tight, while she looks down at her plate. In times like these, Y/N wondered what she did right to have such exceptional children but what they did wrong to be bad parents.

“Lucy, do you want to tell me what happened?”

Lucy looks up, meeting her mother’s gentle gaze, and nods her head. “Penny and I wanted Dad to play with us, but he used his mean voice to tell me no.”

Y/N spares Harry a look who hasn’t looked away from Lucy. No sign that he was going to make an apology. Instead, he excuses himself, stating he had a phone call to make.

“Luce, baby. I’m sorry he spoke to you like that. Sometimes Dad can get busy. I’m sure he didn’t mean it.” Y/N tries to assure her daughter, who has now climbed into her clap.

“I miss Daddy playing with me.” She confesses.

Y/N feels her heartbreak, but there is nothing she could do about how Harry decides to act, but she does know her children deserve better.

“Tell you what, after dinner, I’ll play with you if you want, and I’ll speak with your dad, alright, pumpkin?”

Lucy nods, giving Y/N a big kiss before munching on the last pieces of carrots she had left before walking her plate over to the sink with her brother’s help.

There was a conversation to be had.

______

That night as Y/N began to settle for bed, she knew she had to speak with Harry. She hesitated knocking on the bedroom door, but the room no longer felt theirs. It just felt his.

She walked in a few seconds after hearing a faint come in. The room looked the same. Her side of the bed looked the same except for a missing photo of them on their first date at a fair where Harry had won her a stuffed banana plushie that now lived in their son’s room. The frame now sat on Harry’s bedside.

“Harry,”

He sighs, “I know. I messed up.”

“You’re a good father. Luce is only four. She wears her heart on her sleeve. You know that.”

“I was busy.”

“I’m sure you were, but you could have spoken to her differently.” Y/N reminds him.

Harry tries to push the blame onto her, “it’s hard when they’re constantly walking into my office.”

She shakes her head, “don’t blame me, Harry.”

“Y/N–”

“You said you wanted this. That you wanted this life.” You reminded him. “That you wanted a home office to be close to our children for when they needed you–for when I needed you.”

“I’m not so sure anymore,” he whispers, breaking Y/N’s heart.

With nothing else to say, she leaves Harry in their bedroom and searches for her children needing the comfort of their love. The two people could make her smile no matter what she felt. It seems that a lot has changed even for her because that used to be Harry, and now she tiptoes her feelings around him.

The following days are quiet. Saylor eats each meal with no questions to either of his parents. At age four, Lucy was oblivious to it, carrying the conversation with Y/N’s occasional answer or question, having forgotten about what had happened days before. Harry sits glum at the table each day while Y/N tries her best to swallow all her tears until she tucks herself into the guest room, where she allows herself to cry in the quiet of the room.

Y/N had dropped off the kids with Gemma as she wanted to take them to the zoo. That meant it gave her time to speak with Harry. She arrived home to find him watching a documentary in the living room.

“Harry, I’m back.” She calls out.

He pauses his film because even with the distance in their relationship, he can still pick up when she needs his attention.

“Talked with Jeff,” Y/N tells Harry.

“What for?”

Y/N sighs. “I don’t like that you’re not happy. That you–you resent us for choices made years ago, but if there’s something we can do, then I had to try.”

Harry frowns, “what are you saying?”

She places a folder on Harry’s lap, and with the left hand that now only holds the gold wedding band Y/N put on his finger six years ago, he flips it open. Inside is a tour flyer reading: Harry Styles The Disco Tour: It’s time to dance again.

“I don’t know if we fit in the picture, but we’ll always love you.”

“What is this?”

“Jeff says the team is ready to prepare for a tour if you're open to the idea. You can start in Europe and work up from there, but he said it’s clear you’d have a sold-out world tour if that’s what you wanted.”

Harry looks at the papers in disbelief. It’s potential schedules, shows, and an album release if that is what he wanted. All the plans laid out for him. All he had to do was decide.

“Do you know—this is crazy!” Harry tells her, setting the papers on the coffee table. “I–I”

“Don’t make the decision right now.” Y/N sighs and reaches for his hand squeezing it tight. “Family aside, do what makes you happy.”

Y/N walks away, knowing that this would change their lives, hopefully for the better. Maybe once Harry found himself again, he would find his family.

And it’s to no surprise two months later, Harry was pulling the suitcases out, filling them with clothes he had an opening show in Los Angeles soon. It sold out in minutes, to no one’s surprise. It was the first time in months she saw the glimmer of a smile on his face. As Harry prepared to say goodbye to his family, he felt a pang of regret for making them feel like he didn’t love them because that wasn’t the case. He loved them, but he also loved performing. It seemed that he couldn’t live with just one. Now he’d have to find how to balance being a pop star, a father, and a husband, but he felt he could make it work.

He had to.

#harry styles #harry styles angst #harry styles smut #harry styles x reader #dad!harry #sad #harry styles fan fiction #harry x reader #harry styles x wife reader #harry styles stories #harry styles one shot #harry styles blurb #harry sad #harry angst #harry smut #harry styles love on tour #angst

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evilwickedme · 8 months

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The last episode of every season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, with the exception of season 6, was also designed to be the series finale, because they never knew if they were going to get renewed. The season 5 finale is triply so; not only did they not know if they'd get renewed, they actually got cancelled by the network and got picked up by a different one.

But also season 5 was just straight up intended to be the series finale; they were putting in hints and foreshadowing as far back as season 3, especially in the various prophetic dreams throughout s3-5.

In Graduation Day Part 2, the season 3 finale, the dream that Buffy has that leads her to defeat the Big Bad also has Faith saying, "Little Miss Muffet counting down from seven three oh". 730 days being two years, and therefore the amount of time that passes between the season 3 finale and the season 5 finale. Then, in Restless, the season 4 finale, which is essentially one long dream sequence, Tara says to Buffy, referring to a clock that says 7:30, "oh that's all wrong", referring to the fact that since it's been a year, we're now down to 365 days.

In s4e15, This Year's Girl, Faith and Buffy share yet another prophetic dream, in which Faith alludes to "lil sis coming"; I'm assuming the people who were watching at the time thought it referred to Faith as being a metaphorical little sister, but of course we now know it was referring to Dawn. Tara, in Restless, also refers to her: "Be back before Dawn," she says. Dawn Summers gets introduced in the next episode, the season 5 premiere.

Plus, when you actually start The Gift, the season 5 finale, it actually opens with a previously on that summarizes the entire show so far; season 7 doesn't do that with the actual series finale.

All this to say, they put in a lot of effort here, and they did a good job. It just sucks that this would have been a terrible series finale.

Not to say that this is not a great episode; I think that it's pretty universally agreed that this is one of the best episodes of the show, and Buffy is one of the best shows ever made. But thematically? This was a terrible place for Buffy's story to have ended.

Buffy's depression is alluded to as early on as the season 2 premiere When She Was Bad, where she's clearly having some kind of episode, but it's brought up again and again throughout the seasons. There's a clear visual similarity between the season three premiere Anne and s6e3 After Life that really makes it clear that her depression started way before season 6, The Depression Season:

Both in Anne and in After Life, Buffy is positioned incredibly similarly, completely isolated from the works around her - in Anne because she's run off to LA and is physically far away from her friends and family, and in After Life because she came back from heaven, but no one knows that - with the sole light source positioned so we cannot properly see her facial features. This is a visual representation of her depression. In Anne the room is still brightly lit by the sun, signifying that there is still hope, and of course, although she doesn't know it yet, by the end of the episode she'll be ready to return home. In After Life, however, the only light source is extremely weak moonlight, because this is only the beginning of Buffy's journey towards healing.

That said, Buffy's depression (and associated feelings of helplessness) is brought up in season 5, especially as we get closer to the finale, such as the entire events of The Weight of the World, the penultimate episode.

All this to say, Buffy canonically has depression, and although it isn't explored in depth until season 6, it is absolutely present and informs her character and choices. And the fact that if the show had ended with The Gift, the show would have ended with a suicide? It's just horrific to me.

(Yeah, I know it's positioned as a sacrifice rather than a suicide, but killing Dawn would've also been a sacrifice; in the established context of her depression, it is a suicide.)

This ending specifically negates the main throughline of the show of being the Slayer being a metaphor for becoming an adult, with the show closing on giving up, essentially not growing up. Dying, by definition, leaves you frozen in time. Vampires can't change, because they are dead bodies. Buffy, in her grave, cannot change, because she is a dead body.

If we take this as the intended ending, if we take this as the ultimate preferred ending as I've seen a lot of people in the fandom do, then the show ends with Buffy letting Sunnydale consume her, leaving her unable to actually grow. It's just not satisfying to me and I don't think it's a good way to close the show.

So I'm really glad we got season 6 and season 7, to work through her depression, get some quality spuffy stuff, and for Buffy to literally destroy Sunnydale instead of the other way around. It's just a much better way to close the story in my opinion.

#buffy summers #btvs #buffy the vampire slayer #depression #cw suicide mention #buffy meta #gail speaks

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suchalonelysunflower · 1 year

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You're on Your Own Kid (a.i)

Pairing: Ashton Irwin x Fem! Reader

Summary: Based on YOYOK by Taylor Swift. You and Ashton are two best friends who drift apart even if one of you tries to hold on to the relationship.

Warnings: Angst. Language. Mentions of fatphobia, alcohol, drugs, cheating, eating disorders. Some grammatical errors (English is not my first language im sorry)

Word count: 5.6 k

Author's note: This is very me coded cause I needed to sort out feelings regarding two different broken hearts melted into one and several other things so, enjoy my pain, literally. Remember that we love REBLOGS over here and COMMENTS and TAGS and all of that so please, leave your love and SUPPORT YOUR WRITERS. Hope you like it and happy reading 🦋✨🌻

My Masterlist // Taglist on bio!!

Summer went away Still, the yearning stays

8 years old.

There was something so beautiful about the first day of summer break. Maybe it was the fact that the alarm clock didn’t go off and that the sun-soaked curtains were the ones that woke you up, softly letting the warm sunlight hit your face as a reminder that the best twelve weeks of the year were going to start.

Or maybe it was the smile that was immediately drawn upon your face as you heard your best friend call from downstairs:

“Oi, Y/N! What are you waiting for, you bugger?!”

Your barefoot feet touched the floor of your room as you ran to your window, watching with bright eyes and an excited smile as your next-door neighbor and best friend, Ashton, was already waiting for you, all dressed up in his bathers.

“C’mon! We don’t have all day!” He yelled again. You rolled your eyes.

“I’ll be there in 5 minutes!”

You closed your window and headed to the bathroom where you carefully prepared your bathing suit the night before when Anne-Marie came to ask your mother if you and Ash could have a playdate today. More specifically, Ashton was really excited to play with the sprinkler they just got to water the plants, and since neither of them got a swimming pool, he thought it’d be the best idea to combat the Australian heat that way.

Once your teeth were brushed, your hair combed, and your bathing suit on, you were ready to take on summer with your best friend. You ran downstairs to the kitchen, putting on your flip-flops and grabbing your strawberry shortcake backpack before grabbing a cookie from the counter.

“Bye mum!” You called, before heading toward the backyard door.

“Not so fast, young lady!” Your mother’s voice could be heard from the other side of the kitchen.

You sighed as you turned around. Looking defeatedly at the ground as you made your way to her. She stood tall with a crooked brow upon her face, pursing her lips as if she asked you a question even though she never did.

“What’d you got there, sweetie?” She asked, pointing her head toward you but to nothing in particular.

“Uh…”

“Didn’t we talk already about making healthier choices from now on?” She sighed, grabbing the cookie from your hand and giving you an orange instead. “Last year we let it go because of everything that was going on, but you need to start thinking about taking care of yourself, okay?” You nodded.

It wasn’t difficult to understand what she meant. You ate your vegetables and fruits, except bananas and the weird food grandma made that had seeds in it. But it was summer, and she made those cookies yesterday so, who was going to eat them, then?

“Good.” She smiled, cupping your face and placing a small kiss on your forehead “You’ll look so pretty when you grow up, I promise. Now, go play! But be back before sunset!”

“Alright!”

Your smile came back to your face as you walked and peeled the orange, crossing the backyard and opening the fence’s gate that connected your house to Ash’s. There, he was sitting on the ground looking attentively at the gate.

“Finally!” He groaned “I don’t know if you know what 5 minutes are but those were not it”

You chuckled “Sorry! Orange slice?”

“Thanks,” He smiled, getting a whole one in his mouth as he spoke, or tried to, at least “Nough checkth thith outh!”

He walked to the side of the house where he connected the sprinkler to the hose. And suddenly it was like a cascade of rain was falling over you. You squeaked in delight and giggled as you got completely soaked in under a second, watching in awe as the water rose to incredible heights for an eight-year-old and drew shapes in the sky before it fell down over you.

Ashton came running, jumping over the sprinkler and laughing as it moved around, creating new shapes that would soon cover the whole yard in water. You joined him immediately, allowing the water to soak away the heat of the first of many memorable summer days that year.

You played all day and all afternoon. Anne-Marie brought you sandwiches for lunch and stayed with you for a while, even playing with you as she held a small, baby Lauren in her arms, letting her enjoy the water as well. You and Ash would create the most bizarre adventures, imagining you were pirates having a final battle at a waterfall (his idea), pretending you were water fairies (your idea), and trying to see who could outrun the water (both your ideas, neither of you could win).

By the end of the day, you were both exhausted laying on the grass, giggling.

“I don’t want summer to be over!” He said, exaggeratingly throwing his arms to the sky to let them drop to the ground.

“Today’s the first day,”

“But that means one day less!”

“True…” You sighed “Maybe one day we can live on a permanent vacation. Where we don’t have to go to school or work”

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” Ashton asked, turning toward you.

“Like a real job or my dream job?”

“Aren’t those the same?”

“My mom doesn’t think so. At least she says my dream job is not a real job here so it won’t work”

“Your dream job, then”

“I want to be a singer,” You said, smiling.

Ashton looked confused “But that’s a real job!”

“My mom says it’s not” You shrugged “And I haven’t thought about my real job yet. So what about you?”

“I want to be in a band,” Ashton said with a confident nod “And I’m going to make it my real job”

“Can I be in your band?” You asked.

“Sure! You’re my best friend, of course, you can be in it! Now we only need someone who can play the guitar”

That day you went to bed with a smile on your face.

* I hear it in your voice You're smoking with your boys I touch my phone as if it's your face

17 years old

You halt at the door, take off one of your headphones, and turning back.

“What?”

Your mother, already huffing her way out to meet you halfway, rolled her eyes.

“I said, what are you wearing?”

“Clothes, mom” You answered, tiredly “I’m going to school, you know? The one I’m going to be late to if I don’t catch the bus?”

“Are you sure you don’t want to change?” She tilted her head, “It looks like that’s one of my shirts and-”

“It’s my shirt, mom. We bought it last week” She seemed to have something else to say but you just didn’t have the energy to hear it “I’m gonna be late, bye”

You put back your headphones again, letting Paramore silence the outside world as you walked in the opposite direction to the bus stop. No, you were not going to skip, but the words your mother didn’t say were clinging to the back of your heads like nails, so what if the normal fifteen-minute ride turned into a forty-minute walk? You had time, and plus, the windy morning could really help dry the tears that were already gathering in your eyes.

Crying is not something you did and you were not about to start now. You just got to toughen up, take her words with a grain of salt and keep going. It's not like you’re not making an effort. Is just that for her it is hard to see it since there’s no progress to be shown as fast as she would like.

You’re not in bad shape at all; you’re not a bad kid; your grades are good. It’s just that perfection has a standard in her eyes that you just haven't met yet.

Brick by Brick played for the third time in a loop before you got to school with a few minutes to spare. You smiled at a few of your classmates that you saw in the hallway and went to your locker, opening it to get the things you needed for your first class.

“Hey, you!” A familiar voice said next to you.

You smiled softly as you mindlessly handed Ashton your bag.

“Hey, Ash. Just one moment, please?”

He shrugged as he leaned against the lockers, watching as you put an oversized sweater over your clothes.

“We’re in Australia in April”

“I’m cold”

“Well, it is the year of the end of the world…” You rolled your eyes as you grabbed your bag from him and started to walk together to your first class “Icebergs will melt, the desert will freeze, kangaroos will take over the world-”

“Oh, I would be long dead before a kangaroo tried to fight me” You laughed.

“I’ll defend you!”

“So that our mothers could bury us next to one another? How charming”

The bell rang just in time for the two of you to take your seats. Biology would be the only class you’d share that day and you won’t be seeing each other again until lunchtime rolled around. By that time you were used to losing yourself in thought, especially on days like these where somehow nothing seemed to fit. Or was it because you felt misplaced? You would watch your classmates, smile at them, and make idle talk. You would take notes for your classes and answer the questions the teachers make. But there wasn’t a future here, nothing that seemed to last or that would make you want to stay.

Weekdays were routine that you would soon forget come the weekend. And now the desolated two-day break felt more like the same futile attempt to make something meaningful without succeeding at it. Looking at the window from your room made no sense anymore knowing that Ashton was most likely somewhere else entirely.

At the end of last year, some boy from another school messaged him on facebook asking him to play a gig with them. Since then, Ashton has joined their little band called 5 seconds of summer. A playful name for a band of high schoolers.

You’ve met them a few times and have watched them play whenever they had a gig near town. They were good and were rapidly growing a loyal fanbase with their youtube videos. But their ambition was bigger than just a hobby, and you could see it not just in the way Ashton talked about them, but in the gleam in their eyes every time they hung out or when they played. They were something else and they were ready for more.

However, that didn’t take away the fact that you missed your best friend.

“Earth to Y/N?”

“Huh?” You woke up from your thoughts in the middle of the cafeteria.

Ashton was sitting next to you, a concerned look in his eyes.

“Are you going to finish your lunch?” He said, pointing to your barely touched tray.

“Uh, no. You can have it”

“You’ve barely eaten”

“I’m not hungry” You shook your head, already sliding the tray to him “And you didn’t bring anything again”

He sighed “I forgot… No, I think I put my lunch in Harry’s lunch box again”

“Lucky him, then” You smiled “You’re still driving me home after school and to Mulligan’s later tonight, right?”

Ashton stopped chewing, closing his eyes as he swallowed thickly. Your smile fell.

“Ash-”

“I’m sorry!”

“Ash, you promised-”

“I know! I know, I’m a dickhead!” He said with regret the moment he saw how sad you looked. “But I promised Calum that I would sneak him out of soccer practice to go rehearse at Michael’s for our gig on Saturday and I completely forgot! I’m so, so sorry Y/N”

A sharp pain went through your heart as you took a deep breath before nodding. You looked down to avoid looking him in the eye, knowing that those puppy, hazel eyes would make you weak in an instant. Your thumbs twiddled with each other under the table, trying to take some of the tension away and distract you from the moment. It was no big deal. It was okay.

“It’s okay”

Ashton was not fooled by the whisper in your voice. “Y/N-”

“It’s okay, Ash. Really” You said more firmly this time, looking at him but not directly at his eyes “I can walk myself home, I need the sunlight anyway. And we can do Mulligan’s another day if you’d-”

“No,” Ash shook his head, “I said I’d be there and I will. I can cut the rehearsal short and I’ll meet you guys there! I will not miss it, alright? After all, you can’t wait for the midnight of your birthday another day, silly”

You smiled as you rolled your eyes, letting his arms wrap around your shoulders and bringing you closer to him, wondering if he can feel just how fast is beating.

* (9:25 PM) me: Ash, I’m already at the bar. I was late lol. So it’s okay if you wanted to stay longer with the boys

(9:55 PM) me: are you on ur way? I ordered us some beers ;) I finally got to use my ID

(10:30 PM) me: I drank ur beer

(11:30 PM) me: you’re not coming, are you?

There were two rings before he picked up the call.

“Ash, where are you?” You said into the night air and into the phone. Your classmates were inside the bar, waiting for you to sing happy birthday. But there were still five minutes to go and the person that said would be there was nowhere to be found.

“I- I am Ash,” He said before he exploded in giggles, followed by a fading chorus of familiar laughs at the other side of the line.

Then it hit you. He was still at Michael’s. He never left.

“Ashton, are you- are you high?”

Another explosive set of laughter hit you as an answer. You ended the call. The picture you took at the beginning of the year, with Ashton carrying you on his back as you both wink and make peace signs at the camera, mocks you as you try your hardest to be stoic for yourself.

You looked up to the moon and took a deep breath before coming back to the bar, an already perfect fake smile plastered all over your face as your classmates sang happy birthday at the top of their lungs, half of them already drunk. You didn’t know smiling could hurt that much till then.

By the end of the night, you tried your hardest to ignore the random comments that you happened to hear.

“Where’s Ash?” Someone would ask

“I heard he simply didn’t want to come,” Someone else answered. You didn’t know if to believe them.

The next day you woke up with a thousand messages of apologies and a notebook wrapped in wooden paper.

“For all the songs you’re gonna write”

Anyway

* I wait patiently He's gonna notice me It's okay, we're the best of friends

21 years old

To put it simply, L. A was a fucking nightmare.

Nowhere in the world have you seen such hypocrites smiling at each other like they were best friends all their lives. People were getting high in the backyard by the pool; couples cheating on each other in the same house; every up and coming having their realities shatter in front of their eyes as they realize what their dream industry actually is. And all of that is happening inside your own house in Beverly hills. Yes, you left the outbacks of Australia behind to chase the dreams you fought bravely to make come true. And without anyone’s help, you made it.

You went to college to please your mom, but finding your joy after Ashton had left soon after graduating high school was not easy. However, in order to pay some of your debts, you started working at the same bar you and your classmates used to hang out at. Cleaning tables and serving drinks was not as exciting as it sounded, but what really made it worth it was the open mic nights where anyone could come and present a bit of stand-up comedy or original songs to the public. That’s where you found your escape. Quite literally.

Soon, you were discovered, signed, and shipped off to Los Angeles where success has been modest but impressive for someone with such a short career. But dreams are not easy to maintain.

To have a dream in the city of dreamers is to be a fish in an ocean. Not rare and not exceptional either. It was intimidating and scary, all the more doing it all by yourself in a country where no one seemed to be your friend. People here knew of you, but they didn’t know you at all. Not really.

Maybe you don’t know yourself either.

“Y/N!”

Once again, a voice pulled you from your own thoughts and into your party again. From afar you noticed Calum’s wide smile as he headed toward you, pushing through the sea of people.

The only ones you know here in L.A are the ones that got away years before you did and were creating havoc among the younger fans. 5 Seconds of Summer was an absolute hit, and they were barely staying at the same place for more than four weeks straight, but you were thankful anytime they did. They were your friends or at least acquaintances except for Ash. They reminded you of home, and one person, in particular, reminded you that there was more than that to hang on to.

“Cal!” You called, hugging him as soon as he came close “I’m so glad you could make it. I have no idea who any of these people are! Where are the others?”

Calum shrugged “Michael got dragged by someone already. Luke… is complicated”

“And Ash?”

You didn’t want to sound hopeful. You didn’t want to give anything away with the tone of your voice or the way your eyes begged you to look around for him, see if he just got lost among the crowd.

“He said he’d come” Calum said, pretending not to know how you feel “You know how he is. Sometimes he says one thing…”

“To change it at the last minute.” You sighed “I hate that about him”

“It’s Ashton”

“I asked him to come and help me with the recording of some drums at the studio last week, did he tell you?” He shook his head “He said that what I was doing “wasn’t really his thing” so maybe I should just call someone else”

“He said that to you?” Calum said in disbelief.

You nodded “He’s been a real asshole lately. And I did get someone else in the end, but…”

“Yeah, I get it. It’s the principle”

But it was not just that. The Ashton you met at school was not the same Ashton you found as an adult. And yes, people are bound to change and you have changed a lot as well, but looking back it makes you question whether this person made changes to keep themselves in your life or to make themselves a memory of what once was a good old time. And you were scared Ashton could become the latter.

For many years, Ashton was the only one by your side, or at least that’s what you knew of. When he left for London all those years ago, you were happy that he could chase all those dreams he once shared with you in your backyard as little kids. But once you caught on with life and fate decided that it was time to meet again, it was like there were already so many people beside him that you felt out of frame. You were his friend first. But maybe he forgot.

“Ooop, he just texted” Calum chimed in, sipping on his drink “He’s right outside, I told him we’re hiding in the kitchen”

You chuckled as your fingers drummed nervously on top of the counter, trying your hardest not to look at the door. Not yet, don’t let him see you waiting for him. Just one moment more-

“What the fuck?”

Calum’s whisper made your eyebrows turn into a frown as you followed his gaze. Oh, how you wish you didn’t.

Entering your kitchen filled with people was Ashton, a smile so shy and welcoming at the same time, hand in hand with one of the most gorgeous girls you’ve ever seen in your life. Your smile flattered for one second.

“I guess he’s not with Jess anymore…” Muttered Calum. Jess? Who was Jess? And who was this girl if Calum didn’t know?

Your heart grew heavy as the air around you thickened, yet you couldn’t tear your eyes away from them. From afar, Ashton noticed you - or he noticed Calum, you didn’t know - and raised his hand to say hi and kept walking into another room with his new girl following him.

That’s it? Not even a proper hello? This is your house, your party… A sunken feeling enveloped you as you excused yourself to the bathroom, ignoring the pointed look Calum gave you as he let you go without asking questions.

The music was muffled inside the tiled walls. You locked the doors and went to the sink, leaning over it with your hands on either side of the counter. A shaky breath escaped your lips as you counted to ten over and over again, repeating to yourself that you were okay. You were okay, or you would be. You had to be.

As you raised your head, the mirror showed the reflection of a girl whose eyes beat red from tears she refused to shed. You could not be that girl tonight.

So you smiled at your reflection, practicing what muscle memory taught you good girls do when things don’t go their way. You smiled and fixed your hair, and smiled again. It didn’t matter that the image that kept playing inside your head was his hands tangled in hers. It didn’t matter that he didn’t even say hello. This was not about him nor your broken heart. You had to keep going so you had to smile. It’s not the first time it happened, you should be used to it by now.

One last deep breath and you opened the door, going back to the party. But as you made your way back into the kitchen, you bumped into someone going in the opposite direction.

“Woah! Hey, Y/N!” He said, smiling as he hugged you like he used to do.

For a moment you let yourself forget where you were and be hugged by him, letting the smell of his cologne be tattooed somewhere in your brain.

“Hi, Ash”

“How- hey, are you crying?”

“What?” You blinked a couple of times “Oh, no! One eyelash fell into my eye and I had to get it out, you know how that makes me-”

“Yeah, you get weirded out by eyes” He cringed.

An awkward silence set between the two of you, not knowing what to say now that is just the two of them. But you… Oh, you could say so much, you just didn’t know where to start. You wanted to ask about the tour, how it went and what was his favorite place to visit. You were dying to mention their new songs and how they made you feel. You wanted to ask about his family, how is Anne-Marie? Is Harry doing well in school? Has Lauren started high school yet and how does she like it? Do they still live in the same house you grew up with? Do they know the memories you shared? Do they even remember you?

Does Ash?

But standing in front of him you felt as if you had no right to ask those questions anymore. Ashton was not looking at you anymore, but at his phone, even when you were right there. Does he not have any curiosity toward you as much as you have about him? Does he not care?

You used to be best friends. You still were, right?

Yet, those questions were never asked as you just turned and kept walking. And when you looked back you noticed that Ashton hadn’t moved, hadn't noticed you were gone.

And if while you were looking you noticed some freshly made hickeys on the back of his neck, then you decided to ignore that as well.

(3:07 PM) me: saw two kids in a backyard playing mermaids with a sprinkler today. we never had that idea before (6:20 PM) ash 😜: i would've never consented to mermaids, mind you (6:30 PM) me: are you sure? (6:32 PM) ash 😜: nah, i would end up with a tail in the end (6:40 PM) me: do you miss it?

* From sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes I waited ages to see you there I search the party of better bodies Just to learn that you never cared

25 years old

“Why am I not surprised?” Ashton laughed.

You didn’t notice his presence until he was standing in between you and the firepit in the backyard. He was wearing a shirt and a trenchcoat, lightly mocking your shivering figure as you sat outside on the last night of 2019.

“I don’t like parties” You answered.

“You never did,” Ashton said, sitting next to you “But that doesn’t give you the right to catch hypothermia”

“We live in L.A”

“Still,”

“I’m practicing”

“For what?” Ashton chuckled.

“Scotland,” You said, turning to look at him.

“Scotland? You’re gonna visit someone there, or?” He smiled, nervously.

“I’m moving there”

Ashton laughed loudly, “Bullshit!”

But you didn’t laugh along with him. Instead, you looked at him as the penny dropped and then moved your gaze to the fire again, finding comfort in the chaos. The only constant thing in your life.

Ashton blinked at you, elbowing you “You’re bullshiting me, Y/N”

You didn’t move, instead, you answered him in a monotone voice “Why would I?”

“What the fuck are you going to do in Scotland?!”

“The same, I guess?” You shrugged “I bought a house with a studio, my label has a branch there, I don’t do much touring so-”

“Were you going to tell me?!”

At this, you turn to him, almost as if to ask if he was serious.

“It’s not funny, Ash”

“The fuck is not! Of course not!” He shouted, getting up from his seat. The frown on his face deepened “You’re fucking moving away and you didn’t tell me?!”

“Why would I tell you?”

“Because we’re friends!”

At this, you couldn’t help but laugh. Like, actually, wholeheartedly laugh. Tears were at the corners of your eyes by the end of the laughing fit, even more so when you saw Ashton’s confused face standing in front of you.

Once you composed yourself, you shook your head.

“You can’t be serious right now”

“Y/N-”

“Honestly, Ashton. This- this is not funny, at all” You said, smile still on your face but your eyes getting redder as the tears gathered “You can’t- You can’t just come around every two years or so with a conversation and then yell at me and say that we’re friends as if you know what that means. No. Not with me, I- I won’t let it happen anymore”

You shook your head as a chuckle escaped your lips. “Ashton, tell me, right now. What’s the name of my cat?” He parted his lips but no words came out “What’s the name of my latest single?” Again, no answer “What’s the career I studied in uni before I came to the states?” By now, Ashton was looking down in shame “Ash, when is my birthday?”

That last answer broke your heart completely. You were hoping, wishing that at least that one he would get right. But his silence only confirmed what your heart knew. You closed your eyes as the tears finally slid down your cheeks, tired of being kept hidden all those years.

“Y/N-”

“No,” You raised your hand to stop him from saying anything else, “If it’s an apology I don’t want to hear it because it’s a little too late for that. Ashton, you have no idea what is like to have no one in your corner, and I pray that you never get to experience that. But all my life- all my life I’ve been waiting to be someone’s priority and when I finally put myself first, you come and try to berate me for it. I hate L.A. I had since the moment I came here. You had Calum, Luke and Michael, and countless other people to make you feel welcomed! but me? I had no one!”

All the feelings that were silenced over the years came crashing through. Unfiltered and uncensored. Like the fire in front of you, ready to spread out.

“And I tried to fit in. When I invited you and the guys and all of your friends, I wanted to make you feel that maybe I can still be part of this life as well! But they aren’t my friends, they’re yours. And you made no effort to even include me in your life as if I was someone that you tolerated from the past that’s long dead and gone. You have my memories, Ash. You have the same scars that I do, the same laughs, and the same tears from when we were kids till we were out of high school. We shared the same dreams and even though I knew you would make them more easily I prayed to god to take me where you would go because I knew that my place was with you, it didn’t matter where or how. I just wanted to be with my best friend, even if with time my best friend didn’t want to be my best friend anymore”

“Y/N,” His voice was small, fragile “That’s not true”

“Don’t lie!” You yelled through the tears “You’re being mean, Ash! You left me behind. You left me! And I’m still here, I was always here and you couldn’t see me, or you didn’t want to see me. You didn’t care! Could you look me in the eyes and tell me you didn’t know everything that was going on when we were kids?”

Ashton tried to keep his gaze up with yours but couldn’t, quickly looking away with guilt. You pressed your lips in a thin line as you nodded.

“I loved you, so so much. And I hate you for making me feel so unloved, so small and unimportant. I don’t think I can shake this now, and I don’t know if I can forgive you for making me hate myself this much when I did nothing to you”

You knew your words hurt him, but there was nothing you could say to take them back. You didn’t want to take them back.

You wiped your tears with the back of your hand and started walking back to the party, ready to ask an uber to drive you home.

Ashton didn’t follow, you knew he wouldn’t. And for the first time in years, you were glad he didn’t.

* (05:25 AM) Ashton Irwin: can we talk, please?

This number has been blocked from your contacts

* ‘Cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned Everything you lose is a step you take So make the friendship bracelets Take the moment and taste it You've got no reason to be afraid

28 years old

“You’re on your own kid, you always have been” You sang the last part of the acoustic set of your last album as the crowd went wild. You smiled at the small room, just a small acoustic session to start off the new era of songs about growth and finding yourself again after years of learning how to heal.

“There are many things in life that leave scars, things that we automatically assume about ourselves like muscle memory,” You said into the mic “For years we look for who to blame, and most of the time we carry that blame within ourselves and make ourselves believe that we are not worthy of beautiful things in the world. But I learned that even though these wounds and scars are mine, they don't own me as a person, they do not define me nor who I will become later in life. None of us are less deserving of love or the beautiful things in life just because we’ve struggled. And I-”

The words are stuck inside your throat for a moment, just a moment as your eyes make contact with the person standing in the corner of the room.

His arms are crossed over his chest, his smile is timid and a bit scared. But his eyes, although mature, kept that hazel glow that you’ve recognized anywhere. Even when years have passed.

“I will make my best to remind you how beautiful you all are” * * Tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @hoodhoran @hoodharlow @littledrummeraussie @wastelandcth @bubblegum183 @irwin-fletcher-ash @wiiildflowerrr @in-a-world-of-fandoms @another-lonely-heart @aabc5sauce @in-superbloom @sadcupofcoffee @personalmuyverypersonal @vtte @as-hs-blog @himbohood @sofiaaraee @irwindoll @weasleytwinscumslut @fairytrice @colourfulcal @nibin0912 @hfkait @savagejane1 @youneedtocalumdown @pvnkcloud @ashtonsunflower @nicebasscalum @calumspupils @secretsicanthideanymore@alltimesos @wontlastimokwiththatt @cncoangelsss @whywontyoulovemecami @theimpossiblehologramtree @perriexed @abiancajg @rewmuslupin @icelily13 @bookthingz @lendeluxe

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hekateinhell · 10 months

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very personal stuff, feel free to skip

Today is the one year anniversary of my uncle's death.

We lived several hundred miles apart most of my life but we were still close even though we hardly ever saw each other when I was a child (once that I can remember). I would get a birthday card from him every year where he'd draw these teeny tiny paw prints on the inside and sign it as his cat. And for the longest time—really far too long—I believed it was his cat even though it would've had to have been the size of a baby field mouse to make a paw print that small. 🐾 <- almost to scale.

He took me in when I was 16, and he and his wife finished the job of raising me when nobody else was up for it. They made sure I got my GED, that I applied and got into college, and pushed me well outside my comfort zone to ensure I would be able to survive on my own one day. They never had kids by choice and instead got the rest of their families' wayward children and grandchildren over a span of 25 years and overlapping three generations.

I left my home country when I was 18, and so I wasn't there when he died and nobody told me. Instead I found out a couple weeks later purely by mistake. My mother said something about him that to me without context sounded utterly ridiculous, and I made a joke to the effect of: "What, is he dead or something?"

Imagine that.

He wasn't sick or anything. It was a sudden heart attack in the garden on a sweltering July morning. He was dead within the five minutes it took someone to get to him, which—if you have to die—is the ideal way to die, really.

Cremation; no funeral, no service. A single line in the local obituary that didn't really say a thing about him except that he had had a business in town and was married. His entire life, condensed into those two things.

And I know most of the time we don't in fact get that closure, that final goodbye. That's a myth.

But I still keep forgetting he's dead, you know? And then I have to remember all over again that he's gone. I'm not used to living in a world where he's not in it... I never had to before. I know I'll go through this again when my parents die and I don't know how I'll go on except that I'll have to.

I'm aware that I'm very rarely a serious person online but I guess I wanted to talk about him even if it's just to the internet, since my family doesn't really talk at all.

I miss him.

[...] as they die, the ones we love, we lose our witnesses, our watchers, those who know and understand the tiny little meaningless patterns, those words drawn in water with a stick. And there is nothing left but the endless flow. ~ Anne Rice, The Witching Hour

#hekate.txt #july 10 2023 #personal

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superconductivebean · 5 days

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#951: little bits about julia

I keep Julia's Deep Lore to myself and to a couple of moots but today would be a very special day to her. It's her day. She's a lesbian.

Stealing Borrowing the idea/format from @celestial--sapphic 👀

This -- is the edit I use as a brief overview of her:

And below the cut -- is a little dive into her personality.

Without indulging you into a lot of details, Julia was born in a family of a Dutch witch and a Faroese man, on a ship. When she was brought to Exeter and, eventually, adopted by a lovely yet somewhat cold Wright family after her parents died, the place left her with a feeling of strange, unknown loneliness. This family, these people; they wouldn't support her as her blood family would;

Julia was right in her assessment; she felt both flattered and terrified that a family of unfamiliar people took her in so willingly, gave her their last name. It was a sign she must've followed house rules and live as they would. That meant learning, a lot, if she wanted to ever leave Exeter; married off, preferably;

Wrights were never strict, however, you may absolutely call them a little funny for nudging on these Dutch people. If you will, a parallel with the Dursleys, except it was more of a running joke to remind Julia she might had have a family back in the Netherlands than ever an actual insult, yet;

Julia could feel it whenever the Wrights painted British people as morally and or decently superior. Julia remembered her previous life poorly but a comment like this always painfully irked her, especially when the Wright's son would do a verbal jab;

It became worse when she became older, around 14-15. She started noticing changes. At school, when other girls were sniggering about the boys, Julia wasn't interested in them. She was rather captivated with her classmates in lieu. And she was judgy of her adoptive brother's choices;

However, the realisation to why she was so invested in observing the classmates and indulging in these silly talks with the brother came to her much later, at Hogwarts;

At Hogwarts, she had an identity crisis, a housing crisis, a very-much-requited love story trope with Poppy, an orientation crisis, another housing crisis -- overall, she is a disaster lesbian except the disaster quite fancies her herself lmao and always tries to handle her more horribles to handle. Such as, The Bureaucracy Arc (@thriftstorebabayaga the one where she was fighting tooth and nail to have a plot of land to her name, got into a habit of smoking, caused Aesop a few grey hairs, and married Imelda);

When she's older, she's all over the butch--femme spectrum. Julia wants to be a chaotic lesbian gremlin until she finds herself and she succeeds at it, somewhat, greatly confusing everyone in the process, herself included;

Her only certainty is boobs;

I personally see her as a butch it rhymes with dutch IM SORRY, by how she often over-commits to whichever cause or task, challenge or deed; I tell you what, her older self has Anne Lister's rizz;

Julia was never able to come out to the Wrights except to their son. He isn't understanding of her in the slightest but he believes it doesn't matter for as long as Julia is happy, he accepts her anyway.

It isn't all but if I continue I might never get up from the puter.

#днявочка #eng tag #hogwarts legacy mc #damn wright #днявочка: фандомное #днявочка: hlegacy

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bohemian-nights · 9 months

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What do you think about Aegon’s characterization thus far? Do you think he had the potential to be interesting? Likable? Or was he (and to a lesser extent all Team Green kids) doomed from the start? What about his relationship with Helaena? I remember someone saying that the writers intended for the fan base to be split 50/50. Personably I don’t think this was ever going to be achievable for a few reasons 1. Team Black had an objectively more sympathetic cause 2. HOTD set Rhaneyra up as not only a main character but a protagonist and 3. they made Aegon a rapist.

His characterization is a mess which isn’t surprising considering how they’ve framed Rhaenyra’s arc in the show. I agree with you that for that reason Aegon was never going to be portrayed in a sympathetic light.

Honestly book!Aegon isn’t very likable to me (although he does have his moments after he’s crippled) and he isn’t a “good guy,” but then again none of them are.

Book!Rhaenyra is an awful human being. She’s who’s a self-centered racist* who believes she and only she should be the exception to the rules. She won’t even uplift other highborn women(see her passing over the ladies Rosby and Stokeworth to make their younger brothers lords which bit her in the butt in the end).

I will keep bringing up Missy Anne’s racism because as a Black woman, I hate how fans try to act like it’s not a big deal or dismiss it and say she isn’t a racist when she justifies murdering a young possibly pregnant woman using racist language. She’s the only one in the Dance who tries to commit a racially motivated hate crime in addition to her saying “f*ck all women except me.” Acknowledge that.

However, the show has so far given her more grace and the latter half has tried to force down our throats how she’s a woman “wronged by the patriarchy.”(See Ser Vaemond calling her a whore to delegitimize the case for wanting House Velaryon to stay in Velaryon hands or even Daemon choking her out).

Show!Aegon on the other hand has been portrayed in the worst light possible. I.e. going with the tale that he’s a rapist/child predator when the only source who calls him that is Rhaenyra’s #1 fan Mushroom:

Ignoring Mushroom cause he’s not a legitimate source if his clown behind is the only one saying it, Aegon’s worst crime is being a drunken cheater. Which sucks for Helaena. I do think he cared about/loved her because she was his sister and I don’t think he abused her, but with the way their relationship is described, it wasn’t like they were a “loving” couple.

Moving on, Aegon has legitimate reasons to “usurp” Rhaenyra(which is something that he originally didn’t want to do) because even if he pledges his loyalty and support to her he(his sons, Aemond, and Daeron) will always be a threat to her and her sons(especially the Strong boys) reign.

If the lords ever felt she “got out of line” they’d want to replace her with Aegon. A civil war was inevitable with the choices that Viserys made. So in the books when Criston tells him that if he doesn’t accept his crown they’ll all die, yeah, he was right to have himself crowned as king.

If the show writers truly wanted to spilt the fanbase right down the middle they would’ve shown that instead of the drunken rapist who likes to watch his bastard children fight each other like dogs. That tall tale by Mushroom would’ve been scrapped altogether.

(And while I do like show!Alicent, her being aged down is another reason why Aegon’s characterization is so messed up. She’s the main frontman for Team Green because they are going for a more “feminist” approach. The show in actuality is anything, but feminist since they won’t let the women have any agency whatsoever, but that’s another conversation. Plus it's clear Ryan has a hard-on for Aemond so that's also spilling over to Aegon’s characterization).

Show!Aegon would’ve/should’ve been portrayed as the reluctant king who pulls himself together to protect his family. That’s an interesting story. That’s the sympathetic angle. The show writers failed him(and I think they know they screwed up since Sara Hess tried to say that he was still likable despite them choosing to make him into a child predator 🤦🏽‍♀️).

#aegon ii #aegon ii targaryen #what little likability he has is thanks to tom’s performance #other than that he’s a flop 🤷🏽‍♀️#hotd #hotdask #bnask #bnasks

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hondagirll · 7 months

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@dollsome-does-tumblr tagged me on my top 9 books. I need to stress how HARD this was to choose only 9. As someone who (checks my GR) reads an average of 75 books a year, this was incredibly stressful but I did it. This are my top books that I come back and re-read, year after year, some decade after decade.

The Queen's Thief by Megan Walen Turner: Our first introduction to Gen, love of my life and the most unreliable narrator I have ever met.

Persuasion by Jane Austen: Second chance at love? Indifferent family members? Anne who thinks Wentworth is completely and totally over her and Wentworth, who thinks he is completely and totally over Anne except she's the sole focus of his attention every time they meet up? HERE FOR IT.

Betsy Was a Junior by Maud Hart Lovelace: It is really hard to pick one from the series, the last six books I usually re-read in one go but I love Betsy's junior year if only for the herbarium project shenagians - "THERE WERE NO FALL FLOWERS TURNED IN! NEVER, IN ALL MY TEACHING YEARS!" Incredible.

The Firebird by Susanan Kearsley: You have to read book #1 first but this sequel is my favorite (and I love books 1 and 3 a lot!). So many characters and storylines and I adore the setting. At 500 pages it's one of those books you can just sit down and spend a entire day getting lost in it. Which I do no matter how many times I re-read.

Slightly Dangerous by Mary Balogh: Re-read this back in July and this historical romance novel still holds up. Such a great love story. Also nice to see Wulfric meet someone who isn't afraid of him, his ducal title and his quizzing glass.

Anne of Green Gables by LM Montgomery: I first discovered Anne when I was 10 or 11 and instantly recognized she was a kindred spirit. That feeling hasn't changed over the years. That said, I had a hard choice choosing between this one or Rilla of Ingleside, because I love Rilla so much as well. This one won out 'cuz it the start of Anne and her story but Rilla was a close runner up.

Wives and Daughters by Elizabeth Gaskell: Don't get me wrong, I love North and South and the romance, but this monstrosity of book depicting small town (white) life back in 1800's England I love just a smidge more. It's got everything - family, step parents, young love, charismatic older men, secrets and gossip. Lots and lots of gossip. Seriously. This book is little old ladies gossip central station.

Long May She Reign by Ellen Emerson White: Final book in the President's Daughter series and my absolute favorite. Meg is one of the toughest fictional characters I have ever met and I am in awe of her and her strength. Plus, she's the President's daughter which is its own strain to bear.

Romancing Mr. Bridgerton by Julia Quinn: I know people have *opinions* on the show but let me tell you, when I first read this book twenty years ago it imprinted on my soul like a little baby bird. Colin and Penelope forever! Always!

tagging @queenofattolia @ladytharen @acehardy @mrgaretcarter @librarianmouse @stars-inthe-sky @hmsharmony @waywardted and whoever else wants to do this. I know I have more readers on my dash!

#literature #books #intro post #i love talking about books and reading #sidenote seven of these books are part of a series #i just noticed that #clearly i have a type and its series love

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thekingofwinterblog · 2 years

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Doubling Down On Bad Choices

So with the journal, I've seen people reignite the question of how much guilt Marcy felt about getting her friends stranded in a fantasy world, vs how much she herself loved it, and how she was willing to ignore how sucky it was for her friends.

However, what I find far, far most fascinating, and a much better insight Into Marcy herself is this page post, where she clearly shows guilt of getting them stranded here, and how she writes that she is still not ready to talk about it, showcasing that at this point she understands that she has to talk about it with them sooner or later.

Except she never does.

During the events of "Day at the Aquarium", Marcy makes the conscious choice NOT to tell Anne or Sasha about it at all, when she accepts Andrias offer.

Just like Sasha, Marcy makes the mistake of doubling down on her previous ones, and makes the choice to not only reveal her own guilt, but also makes the choice to betray both Anne and Sasha in the process.

All because of her greatest fears of being alone. She got them stranded in this world in order not to be alone, an impulsive, and selfish decision on her part that a large part of her did not think would actually work, but it did.

This second time is the opposite however. This time Marcy truly believes that this harebrained scheme that Andrias is putting for her(Which he has no intentions of even trying to make work in practise) will work, but this time it isn't impulsive. It is a calculated betrayal where she fully understands how wrong it is.

And in the end, it blows up in her face as Marcy is narrativly punished for her betrayals, and her choice not to even attempt to tell Sasha and Anne about what she did, by having ALL of it exposed in the absolutely worst way possible.

And rather than truly apologize, as she should have done from the start, she instead doubles down. Rather than beg for forgiveness, she instead explains, and tries to convince Anne and Sasha that this was actually a good thing, and that she isn't a horrible girl for having gotten her two best friends stranded in this world.

Which in turn all contributes so much into making her greatest fear come true. By doubling down on her choice not to tell Anne and Sasha, Marcy ends up being alone in the world.

And later, when we're exposed to Marcy's biggest fears, where she finally does apologize, what does the nightmare Anne and Sasha say?

"It's too late, we want nothing to do with you, ever again!"

Too late Mar-Mar. You should have told us this while we were in Amphibia. Instead you hid it away and never told us while planning on yanking our chain while lying to us... Forever. How can we ever trust anything you ever say again? We don't want to have to suffer you, EVER AGAIN!

To which Marcy is just left a blubbering, begging mess, having been confronted with the idea that due to her having made the conscious choice to never tell them, she has broken her friendships, and the trust Anne and Sadha had in her beyond any hope of repair.

#amphibia #marcy wu #anne boonchuy #sasha waybright #kind andrias #marcy's journal #meta

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period-dramallama · 1 month

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The King's Mind by Christopher Rae: review.

"How curious men are, how much is hidden, how much left unsaid."

A very late post for @fideidefenswhore sorry for the wait xx

TLDR: Solid, but I have some Notes. Rae is knowledgeable but he falls into some common pitfalls. Not as good as Rae's The Concubine. The pacing is weaker, and unlike The Concubine there is a Whiggish streak that gives the book a preachy taint.

Long post below.

Henry: I'm not easily persuaded

*a few moments later*

Henry: you know what? I've been deceived.

The book starts in media res and even I am a little lost and confused. The book hops between first and third person without warning which gets easier but at first takes some getting used to. Was it always necessary? We go from third person "a sky streaked with red and gold" to Henry saying the sky is streaked with red and gold.

The presence of Weston and Norris in this book is good. It was a good choice to emphasise the presence of Weston and Norris at the coronation. I think a lot of writers tend to forget they existed before 1536. They're Henry's Great and Loyal Friends yet they pop into existence ex nihilo solely so they can be beheaded. Obviously their presence also makes good foreshadowing. They're natural portents of doom.

Sometimes, as is often the way with first person POVs, Henry gets too self aware: “He knows how easily I can be mollified by a good cash offer”. But Rae's is probably the most interesting and nuanced of the Henries. Rae captures his ego: "Mark, who plays the lute so prettily, almost as well as myself." Cromwell “is now better informed than any man alive, with the exception of myself." After a whole book of his ego, Duchess Mary roasting Henry at the end was remarkably cathartic. Girl's got a point.

Henry has a serious case of doublethink. "My sweet Anne, so mild and sensible. I know that they are all constantly working upon her to have their way in this, but she is the true friend of my heart and her counsel will always be in my best interest. Of course, she is right."

On the very next page: "Anne’s eyes gleam with triumph, she believes she has influenced me to align myself with her purposes, and has won the field."

"Anne is naive sometimes and behaves as if matters of grotesque complexity can be reduced to simple solutions, simply because she wills it so."

Pot calling the kettle black, Your Majesty.

"More does not learn from the world, he merely seeks to impress himself upon it."

POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK, YOUR MAJESTY.

"I am glad of it, your majesty, for I am certain of what is true. This strikes me as an odd thing to say at first, but upon reflection I decide that I rather like it, and might profitably adopt it for my own use."

I don't have much to say about this moment, it's just funny and feels very Henrician.

“The king is like a man who sets fire to his own house, and then goes crying in the street for help.” Wolsey decides to ignore this while privately acknowledging the truth of it."

Wolsey:

“The honour of my betrothed must be preserved, and passion must bow before patience.” There's some nice moments of Tudor-style courtship, and Rae does a better job than most of giving Henry a distinct voice: “Diana, flushed with the exertion of emptying her quiver. By the mass, she is pretty when she is roused.” "Ah, my sweet, but I will never allow it. For that would kill me, and I cannot let you become a regicide." “return to the palace where there is precious little pleasaunce now.” PUN! Henry described himself as the king of disappointment, I liked that moment.

Many Henries are pretty gullible, but this Henry has a certain low cunning and I like the interpretation that while he's swayed by Anne he is quite manipulative himself: “I play the innocent most cruelly deceived, and I know that she finds me plausible.”

In terms of pacing, there is a tendency towards repetitiveness. PARTLY but not wholly because, let’s be real, the KGM has a repetitive nature. Like we get it already, Wolsey's fat, he's gotten fat, he's big, he's bulky, he's plus-size, he's chubby, he's out of breath WE KNOW. Anne is impatient and worrying about her age, WE KNOW. Henry is impatient and wants to marry Anne. Wolsey thinks it can’t be done. Wolsey thinks Henry is like a kid who has to be told he can't just have whatever he wants because he wants it, WE KNOW. Henry is fickle and people hope he will tire of Anne. WE KNOOOOOOOOOOW. The book also goes back in time to 1528 less smoothly than in the concubine. (Also, this book again calls Katherine 'Aragon' instead of Princess Dowager, sometimes the Spaniard, which works better.) You could probably cut out Latimer’s recantation to Warham as it repeats what we got from other scenes.

I must give this book some leeway and acknowledge that I'm just not as interested in the political dimensions of the KGM as I am the intellectual and theological dimension: partly because I find it boring and frustrating the way it constantly goes around in circles and there's this document and this document. But personal preferences aside, I still think the book could have been less repetitive.

“she contains within her a deep strand of idealism…But if Anne lacks anything, it is an understanding of the pragmatism that accompanies power.” Anne overall is better characterised in The Concubine. Here it is Anne's insistence that keeps Mary from her mother while Henry is willing to let them meet. Hmm. Disagree, but it's not too bad.

“Thomas More, Bishop Fisher, and of course the great red whale- Wolsey.”

I choose to interpret 'great red whale' as a reference to the 'white whale' in Moby Dick. Wolsey is Anne's equivalent of the white whale.

Ambiguity just how corrupt Wolsey is. "The fate of his grace the Duke of Buckingham, brought down by Wolsey and sent to the block, is not forgotten"- Buckingham's fall was Henry's doing. Wolsey actually warned Buckingham to be more careful.

"And Norfolk? His grace has all the diplomatic ability of a culverin." "Norfolk has nothing to do with things that are broken." Norfolk is slightly softer in here than he was in The Concubine, and not angry all the time.

Unlike The Concubine in this novel Cromwell seems to have a hint of being an evangelical, being motivated by religion.

"Today he will truly make or mar."

"As ever, in the shape he shows to the world, Cromwell is quiet, unassuming, and affable. Not blessed with a great deal of the outward glamour which tracks the interest of women, he relies instead on comporting himself in a manner which causes men to desire his presence."

Men desire his presence, you say? *Eyes emoji*

Also speak for yourself Cromwell is dummy thicc

Rae gives us a witty and remarkably sympathetic Gardiner. He's not usually given this much attention, or depth to his motives and thought process. We have him admiring Cranmer's intelligence.

More has more energy than usual which I like. He's usually depicted as soft-spoken for some reason when there's no indication in the primary sources that he had a quiet voice. We'll get to the problems with him later in the review.

"Fisher... the sympathy he drips with is not of a personal nature. For him Catherine is nothing more than a simple minded, weak, creature, as all women are, and he thinks that she has failed England and the one office which should have justified her feeble existence- to provide the king with the heirs he needed."

I'm not a fan of Fisher but DAMN that's an unusually unsympathetic portrayal. What a meanie. But it's refreshing to see Katherine of Aragon's supporters as less than noble or admiring for a change, at least in their heart of hearts.

Like The Concubine, there are some great turns of phrase.

"For some time he sits there, like some Saint of the early church undergoing a particularly unpleasant and imaginative martyrdom at the command of a Pagan emperor."

"And for the first time he begins to despair, because for the first time he sees clearly that he does not have the power to truly open their eyes. The terrible, inescapable conclusion begins to oppress him; There is actually nothing he can do to prevent disaster."

^^I like this moment because it encapsulates the feelings of many people in the Reformation, on both sides.

“I was nothing more than an empty vessel, like unto A goblet made in the most glorious and rich fashion, but empty nonetheless, a vain, dry thing. Here is the wine which was lacking, it comes now brimming, overflowing, and sweetest tasting anything upon the earth.”

^^ A particularly evocative and authentic conversion narrative.

This book also had some good analogies, like this one: "Master Christopher, think of the king as like a man who has inherited a battery of cannons."

Rae did a good job in this book with foreshadowing and instilling a sense of doom:

“There is a heaven for Anne Boleyn, in which she ascends uncontested to the throne as Queen of England, and a hell also, in which she is confined to being seen as nothing more than the king’s mistress, until he tires of her and moves onto the next one.”

^^It really drives home that Anne's fate is beyond her wildest nightmares. HILLARYYYYYYYYYYYY

"The shadows that have claimed the last of the sunlight are gone from the garden, and the Cardinal's face is now in shade, the whole of his vast bulk entirely consumed by the dusk."

^^A nice bit of pathetic fallacy and foreshadowing of Wolsey's downfall.

"Norfolk, so fond of sending people to the tower. Perhaps he will get the chance to see what is like one day himself?" “As she listens Anne’s eye is drawn upwards; she senses black shapes moving in the air, and she sees two ravens alighting upon the crenelated rampart high above. A sudden chill descends upon her, and she shivers.”

There are some good details in this book. Wolsey in the garden in the evening- Cavendish mentions that he takes evening walks. "He smells of cabbage, cabbage and wet horse dung!" A reference to Gardiner's skill at salads? “but the heat will recede, as it does when the sun progresses around the world and the hours of darkness begin.”

"But as I recall, when Hercules cleaned the stables he also slew the man who owned them. Because Augeas would not pay him for his work, Thomas. I think the king preferred to leave them as they were."

^^ a nice classical analogy. I wish Rae paid more attention to humanism and the classical learning of the characters. He tends to forget about the existence of humanism and the fact that the Reformation isn't binary, especially at this moment in time.

Not all the details are correct: The great seal of England sits inside a white linen bag when it was actually a white leather bag.

Rae continues to have good moments of levity:

“His single word expires, friendless and alone. He looks down at the floor as if he has lost its companions and thinks they might be down there somewhere.” “Ah yes, but there are only so many wives a man may take, before things start to become complicated. I think Henry has discovered this already, no?"

"By the mass I would have her now, hereupon the sweet earthen floor of the forest, with the sound of the rain hissing down upon the leaves around us."

Someone's watched The Tudors.

"His face, when he sees who has come uninvited and unannounced, is a picture, and his people begin at once to scurry to and fro like frightened chickens."

Someone's watched A Man For All Seasons.

"Thomas Howard. And Charles.... Charles..." he pretends to struggle to remember Suffolk's name. "Brandon? My Lords, you are welcome, though your message is not. Let me explain something to you."

Norfolk’s face contorts into an ecstasy of fury and hatred, and his hand reaches for his belt before he remembers he is unarmed. ‘You are ended, Wolsey. By the mass I will kill you myself, with my bare hands. "

Wolsey stares at him, unmoved . "my Lord is intemperate."

He (Suffolk) gropes for a suitably devastating parting shot, but his invention fails him, as it often does."

Hilarious, I love it, 5 stars, 10/10. Wolsey is delightfully bitchy and it's infinitely better than the meh equivalent scene in Wolf Hall.

Now for my Notes.

"The story is that he fell ill on the journey from the north, and died of it, conveniently. I do not believe it. Either he ended his own life, or someone helped him to do it".

While I love the intrigue, this novel has gone to SUCH lengths to stress that Wolsey is stressed, out of shape and in poor health. If there's one thing we know about Wolsey from this novel it is that he is F-A-T. He's also 57. He's no spring chicken. It makes total sense that he'd fall ill and die, especially after a long journey, drinking and eating from a variety of different sources, some of which may well be contaminated. But the characters speak as though Wolsey was a svelte Olympic gymnast who was spinning around on the crossbars until he suddenly died from eating some dodgy kale.

"Then he tosses what remains over his shoulder, and wipes his hands upon the silken cloth." I get that Francis I is the worst but people took etiquette seriously in this time period.

"Mary discovered a taste for them [kings] in Paris, and says that it was the recommendation of king Francis that brought her to the King's attention."

I'm pretty sure historians are questioning the old story that Mary slept with Francis?

Elizabeth Boleyn suggested Anne play hard to get (which I like) but later in the book Rae has Norfolk suggest it to TB years before. Yet Thomas B reacts to Elizabeth as if it was the first time he heard it. So what gives?

And like in the Concubine, Rae puts in things he's read uncritically from historians, and the result is something that makes no sense.

"His [Norfolk] affection for More is undiminished" yet the scene clearly shows that they have nothing in common, they see the world in starkly different ways, Norfolk sees More as vain and stubborn and More sees Norfolk as a crude toady. Norfolk even has a "menacing look" when he looks at More. So what is this nonsense about them having any affection? Well, like Jane Boleyn's nonsensical motives in the Concubine, Rae has read a historian, unquestioningly, and feels the urge to insert it into the story like a square peg in a round hole even though as a writer he can probably tell it doesn't fit.

There are some anachronisms- the phrase 'like a good Catholic'. 'Catholic' means united- Anglicans believe in "one holy catholic and apostolic Church". Protestant and Catholic are divisions that show up in the 1550s. "More is a fanatic"- fanatic is a very modern criticism. People at the time wouldn't object to religious obsession- the problem was if your doctrine was incorrect.

(Also Henry should be happier at the birth of Elizabeth.)

Now for the misconceptions.

While Wolsey did get his BA at 15, university students then were younger than they are now.

“Henry has been taught to stick to what the bishops tell him in matters of religion, and he derives his idea of faith his elders, who have made him think that orthodox observance matters more than a deep personal sense of a world imbued with the Holy Spirit. He is often reluctant to talk about such things, but she has formed the opinion that he is genuinely in motion, attracted by the scent of reform and willing to alter his thinking to accommodate change.”

Henry was given a (renaissance) humanist education. And the humanists like Erasmus were influenced by the late medieval devotio moderna that placed great emphasis on interior faith. Erasmus absolutely believed that inner faith was more important than outward show: that rituals like the Mass mattered, but that empty ritual was bad. But Rae falls into the false binary of Catholic: Rituals Good and Protestants: Rituals Bad.

Gardiner says: “Your majesty must know that the Pope holds the keys to heaven, there is no higher authority. If clarification or exegesis is required concerning the interpretation of scripture, then the final word must always rest with His Holiness.”

There IS a higher authority! Gardiner and More would tell you that the highest authority in the Church is a Church Council. Basically all the bishops across Christendom come together in a General Council and the Holy Spirit descends upon them invisibly, blessing the proceedings and giving authority to the decisions. If the Pope, say, tried to get rid of the Nicene Creed, Gardiner and More would say the Pope is wrong. Because the Creed comes from the Council of Nicaea, and a General Council >>>>the Pope. Papal infallibility doesn't show up until the nineteenth century.

"How can I help you, when I do not believe it is the right course for a Christian king to abandon his lawful wife? I make no secret of it, as you know. I am not one of those who will say anything in the hope of pleasing you."

More's stance was actually closer to: "I'm not qualified to speak on this issue so I stay well out of it". Fiction tends to portray him as more outspoken in Katherine's support (though he did like her as a person) than he actually was. Fisher was the one loudly objecting to the divorce. It was the Supremacy that More took issue with: he was willing to accept the new succession.

"Attend to your Scripture, and tell me where it says that our Redeemer left any vicar to succeed him upon this earth."

More and Fisher don't give a rebuttal to this in the book- because Rae can't think of one. But they actually could: a Catholic would say that Jesus said exactly that in Scripture. Jesus says to Saint Peter in the gospels "you are the rock on which I build my church." Then in the book of Acts, (the sequel) Peter is the leader of the early Christians in the years after Jesus zooms up to heaven. For Catholics, St Peter is the first pope. All the later popes follow him because of something called the Apostolic Succession.

(Also Catholics believe that 2 Maccabees supports Purgatory. Problem is, both 1 and 2 Maccabees are deuterocanonical and therefore less authoritative than the gospels.)

“Going to Wittenberg, I believe, where he intends to continue his work. A new testament in English, what do you think of that, Thomas?” He looks at me and I see the sorrow in his eyes. He thinks very little of it indeed.

“And how will things be then? When the plough boy reads Scripture in his own rude tongue? Without guidance, or education, without knowledge? Without the interpretation of the church placed upon it? He will say, ah, now I understand it, here is the meaning of this, or that. But when he meets his fellow they will not agree upon it, for this man will say, no- you have it wrong, it means this. They will not be of a like mind, and will fall into endless disputation strife. and the heretics will go about amongst them, stirring up whatever abominations they wish. There will be no order in what men think, no agreement. There will be no unity. That is what the church gives to men, unity, and it is our only hope of it.” “And if men throw off the authority of the church, whose authority will they look to throw off next?”

“If the church is corrupted, then it must be reformed, from within, by honest men of faith. Who has appointed master Tynedale to translate scripture into English? Who is there to supervise and approve the work? No one, because it is forbidden, and with good reason.”

This is a mixture of accurate and inaccurate. Yes, More did see the authority of church and state as connected. He argued that the church had every reason to support the king- because when anarchy breaks out, vulnerable priests and monks and their churches are attacked and looted. So it was in the best interests of priests to support, not subvert, secular authority and the rule of law. Yes, More wanted reform from within the church. He wanted political reform of the church not theological reform. He didn't want fewer priests, he wanted well-educated and well-behaving priests.

But More was a humanist. The ploughboy singing psalms as he worked? Exactly what Erasmus wanted. Even when the Reformation was underway, More still wanted an authorised English Bible, as he thought it would do some harm, but on balance, more good than harm.

So why did he have such beef with Tyndale? Because of how Tyndale translated the Bible. Tyndale's word choice in More's eyes undermined Catholic doctrine and made it look like Catholic doctrine didn't have Scriptural support- especially dangerous given that Tyndale was also saying Sola Scriptura. Tyndale pointed out that some of his word choices were the same as Erasmus' word choices. But More argued that Erasmus was translating honestly while Tyndale was being subversive.

And while More's Confutation Against Tyndale's Answer is a fierce criticism, More does quote Tyndale saying something he agreed with: More replies to this quote "this is well and holily spoken". So I wouldn't say More is blind with hatred for Tyndale, any more than Tyndale is blind with hatred for More. If More was blind with hatred, he wouldn't say anything positive about a single word of Tyndale.

“Like many wise men, Thomas More understands astrology and can read what is written in the heavens.” More knew astronomy. Astrology More thought was BS. But that doesn't fit the binary of Rational Protestants versus Superstitious Catholics, even though Rational Tolerant Elizabeth I believed in astrology while UberCatholic Pope Fan More was sceptical.

Rae’s analysis is Whiggish, and like most Whigs, it gets really preachy really quickly.

“His mind is the prototype of the totalitarian. One who has invested in a static system of thought, which cannot easily accommodate change or development. More thinks only in terms of certainty, and cannot bear the presence of doubt, which may undermine the fortress.”

Anachronism aside, historians actually debate whether More's opinions changed over time: if he became more religiously conservative as the Reformation progressed, having started as a humanist Catholic reformer. Personally, I'm on the side of consistency. More was never opposed to burnings and his last letter to Erasmus explicitly supports Erasmus and his work and calls Erasmus' critics jealous people. His debate with Tyndale is a Catholic Humanist versus a Protestant Humanist. And in classic humanist fashion they're arguing about language.

As for doubt: his patron saint was Doubting Thomas. So I wouldn't say doubt is the enemy to him, but that you must overcome your doubts by choosing to believe.

Also More did not see the Church as static. Catholics believed in progressive revelation: ie. you can add to the faith (things like purgatory) if the Church has a revelation that is authorised by a General Council. You just can't contradict the Bible. The Protestants want to go back to the OG Christianity: the faith of late antiquity, and cut out things like Purgatory that are seen as medieval accretions. They want the Church to go back to the old and keep it that way. They are not changing- they are undoing change, in their eyes.

“He [More] thinks himself to be a compassionate man, but is untroubled by the grotesque cruelty he has inflicted on those who have dared to oppose the orthodoxy which he deems essential to peace and salvation. They are given every opportunity to see their errors and recant, and if they will not then they must burn, so that the infection of heresy may be cauterised, and other vulnerable souls may be saved from it. This is a man of the highest intellectual capacity, who has earned his place among the most exalted thinkers of the new century.”

You could say this about literally anyone in the Tudor period. Cranmer is also considered to be compassionate, and his writing shaped the English language, but that didn't help Joan Bocher, did it?

"Now there is nowhere for men like More to turn, except back to persecution and mediaeval barbarity."

I haaaaaaaaaate this line. It’s so Whig history. As someone interested in ancient history and also the Tudor and early modern period in particular, I can confidently say that barbarity is absolutely not the preserve of the mediaeval period. On the contrary, the early modern period gives us more holy wars and witch hunts. Back to persecution? Persecution was ongoing. Protestants in heartlands like Zurich were drowning Anabaptists in the Rhine at the same time as Catholics were burning them!

(Also Protestants believed in the Trinity and infant baptism even though there's actually no explicit mention of those things in the Bible...)

#historical fiction #book reviews #just so you know: i'm not catholic #i've never been catholic #i'm just tired of one-sided portrayals of the Reformation

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lake-archive · 6 months

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'Hey Miss!' - 'I'm not a Miss!'

AO3 Link

Fandom: Hypnosis Mic

Characters: Ann Wolff (OC), Ramuda Amemura, Eli (OC by @watersofcamelot) (mentioned)

Summary: Lately Ramuda feels a little… Observed. Not being able to shake something off he decides to approach the woman in question. Well, things take a little turn he did not expect but he doesn’t mind! Except for the fact that there is something odd about the person in question…

Tags: Developing Relationship, Strangers, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Canon Universe, Canon Era, Original Character(s), Major Original Character(s), Amemura Ramuda-centric, POV Amemura Ramuda, One Shot, Short One Shot, Genderqueer Character, Genderqueer, First Meetings, Awkwardness, POV Third Person, POV Third Person Limited

That was an odd encounter, to say the least. Now, it is not as if Ramuda was not used to prying eyes. He was more than one might imagine. And he never hated it. After all, if the ladies can’t stop looking, who was he to stop them? And yet… One pair of eyes had stuck out like a sore thumb. It was only a short moment, a very short one days ago, and yet he couldn’t shake off the feeling. Something was off about this woman in particular but he couldn’t put his finger on it, not exactly at least. Not from the short glance he got.

Her features were kinda burned into his brain, at least her face. It felt odd to look at, let alone remember. Ugh, he hated it but there was something amiss about her. She made him feel… Well, uneasy is the wrong word but there was this weird sense of… Familiarity?

He had a hard time putting it into proper words. She wasn’t a pain in the neck but something was weird. And he had not let go of it ever since. Then again, he had only realized it pretty recently as well.

If it was only once he would be more than ready to let it go and move on with his life. But he had seen her around more and more often, she may as well stick out like a sore thumb now. And everytime she spotted him she was running, as if having to hide something. He wasn’t dense, something is going on here. A stalker? Nah, he didn’t feel that pair of eyes on him all the time. There were a day or two where nothing happened. Still, what a weirdo to run off like that. Maybe… The bitch’s doing? Uh… They said they will stop chasing him but is that really the case? Then again, she probably had chances to approach and attack him if that was the case…

This was complicated, more than he would like it to be. Well, no choice. He had to snoop around and see what she was about. And there was only one viable way to do that! Just to make sure if she’s super suspicious or not! Hey, maybe she was just a flustered fan! That possibility always existed as well, didn’t it? He just had to know when to strike. Maybe before she would notice. So he needed some luck. That luck would approach sooner than thought. Well, better luck than Dice will ever have while gambling at least!

Ahem… Anyway…

The chance had presented itself a little bit later, being rather unexpected but it was something Ramuda had to take. Just act as always. Then again, not like it would raise any red flags. He was approaching women here and there, this would not be a big deal. And thus he approached quickly without thinking about it, at all, putting on his usual smile, the one he was known for.

“Hey yo Onee–San~!” He even yelled over, aimed at the brunette in question. This one froze on the spot, almost startled which left him confused for a moment. An unusual reaction but he had to continue, as if it didn’t bother him. Well, it was not really a bother. “Hm? What’s wrong? Onee–San?”

She might not have seen it at first yet he had leaned a little forward when having come to a halt, even tilting his head all confused. He could spot her shivering for a good few seconds before calming down. Her breath was so deep that he heard it before she finally turned… And yeah, it was her. Not many cover one of their eyes with their own hair after all. And even then, he’d remember her face. But the next thing she said… Caught him off guard,to say the least.

“Uhm… Onee–San? I… Am not an ‘Onee–San’...” She tried to stay calm while speaking, clearly, treating it as a mistake.

This made Ramuda tilt his head back into position yet he would not hide his confusion. Instead he would eye her up and down, even moving the lollipop in his mouth up and down, moving his eyebrows a little up for a short moment before crossing his arms. “You… Are not?” But her chest—

“No, I am not.” She responded, quickly yet sharply. “Don’t call me that again. I ain’t a woman.”

He didn’t get it, not at first at least. This sounded odd in anyone’s ears yet she made her point all too clear… Or should he say ‘they’? Well, it might be the safest bet, they didn’t like it at all. Not a woman, noted. If that’s what they wanted… Eh, he may as well try. He felt like it would be bad if he didn’t. But if he can’t call them ‘Onee–San’ then…

“Ok ok, fine~ Noted!” He began responding, the cheerfulness in his voice covering the internal confusion.

“Hah… Thanks. I’ll ta—”

“But then what am I supposed to call you?” He interrupted, seeing her— their face growing pale for a short moment, then a gulp. D… Did he look like some monster to he— Them or something? What was up with these reactions? Seriously…

“Wh… What to call me?” They repeated at which he nodded.

“Yeah. You don’t like ‘Onee–San’ so… ‘Onii–San’?”

“Hella lot better than Onee–San…” He heard h– Ahem, them mumble. Guh, this was surely some getting used to… He’ll come around. Yet they soon continued, responding long enough: “Just… Use Ann.”

“Ann?”

“Yeah, my name.”

“Ann huh…” Ramuda repeated, thinking for a moment before suddenly adding: “Haha~ Sounds kinda dull, don’t you think?”

“Sorry for having a dull name.” They countered, not sounding or looking very impressed. They even crossed their arms beneath their chest.

“Sorry sorry~ But it’s true y’know. You su—”

“Use my name or nothing.”

Woha! Talk about a sour mood. “Ok ok, Ann it is~”

“And you are?” Sh– They asked, leaving him a bit sour on the inside. And funnily enough, it wasn’t bothering him because this was a ‘Oh you don’t know Ramuda Amemura from Flingé Posse?’ deal, nothing like that. It was something else… Hearing that felt so off, as if there was some attempt to hide something. He should know, he had experience. He had a lot to hide himself and only recently came clean. Well, not to the big public but the concept was nothing he was too unfamiliar with. Yeah, something’s up with this Ann. He just hated to admit that he had no idea what just yet… If he will ever find out. Guh, so annoying.

But he answered them anyway. “Huh? You didn’t hear of me? Are you living under a rock or something?”

“Ah— O… Of course not!” They retorted. “Just… Uh… I… Am bad with names, yes. Might’ve slipped my mind… Erm….”

Huh? An excuse, was that it? “Talk about forgetful~”

“I… I am not going to guess if—”

“Nah, it’s fine. I’m Amemura Ramuda~” He quickly interrupted, keeping up that smiling face.

“Ah, Amemura–San… I’ll keep it in mind.”

D… Did she… No, they just— “A… Amemura–San? That’s not cute at all!” He protested with a pout. “You can at least call me ‘Ramuda’ y’know.”

“We just met. It’d be weird.”

“Eh!? But it’s fine! Besides, since when is Ann a surname!?” He pouted even further, hoping that would win them over. Honestly, he didn’t necessarily care but for this sake…

“Eh!? But—”

“Nah–ah! First name! The Onee–Sans do it too!”

“I am not a—”

“So? C’mon! Just do it Ann–Chan!”

“Ann–Chan!? That’s a little—”

Yet the pout only intensified, him literally having to go extra puffy it seemed. He would not tolerate this! At all! And… They gave in after a while.

“F… Fine fine! R… Ra… Ramuda… There.”

And then from one moment to the next the pout disappeared, him nodding. “Haha, there we go~”

“You gotta be kidding me…”

“Hehe, I’m not Ann–Chan~”

“Ey, that’s embarrassing y’know…”

“But it at least sounds cute and not so boooring.”

“Excu—” But they sighed, shaking their head. “Nevermind. Arguing with you seems useless.”

“Hehe, you could say that~”

The only response he could spot was Ann rolling h– their eyes, then a quick headshake. Before there was any other word out of their mouth however he decided to strike. He had to strike in fact! May as well do it now before waiting any longer. He had them right here after all, may as well. Just to have a ‘friendly chat’ of course…

“Say Ann–Chan, want to go somewhere? I’m free right now!” He asked and suggested. They looked at him for a good moment, only pretending to think about it. After all, they made some weird grimace for a short moment there. Yet they were quick to respond despite that face. “I’m already busy.” Quick but to the point. Tch, he had no counter for that.

“Really? Then when—”

“Not in a long time. If you excuse me…”

“Wait wait wait! But I wanna hang out more! You make funny faces!” He interrupted, trying to get their attention somehow, convincing them one way or another! “Please!?”

“F… Funny faces? That’s…”

“Please!” Did he seriously have to be pushy? … Well, they do have funny reactions so it was not a complete lie.

“I’m sure someone like you can ask anyone else.”

“Guh… Dice and Gentaro are both going to be busy for a while.” Not a complete lie… Well, busy was the wrong word maybe in Dice’s case but whatever. Not like Ann knew~

“Who?”

“Please?” Never did he have such a hard time with someone, he had to literally push it. Actually, for a second he lost sight of his actual goal and wanted to because he felt like it by now. Something told him to just go on ahead. Or it might be his pride on the line because never, ever had he been rejected like this. His track record cannot include a ‘no’! It can’t! Yeah, maybe it was also that. “It’ll be super duper fun! Really!”

“So wh—”

“I promise! So please!”

Ann looked around a few times, as if feeling uneasy. Did he push it too hard maybe? Was it too pushy? No way out of it now but if he was that would also be…

“If I say yes… Will this conversation be over? I… Am in a hurry here.”

Huh? That’s a yes? Wait… That’s a yes… Is it? Well, it was a good sign and thus he nodded. “Sure sure~”

“Fine. Once I suppose.”

Yep, that’s a yes! That track record is not tarnished! Well, maybe he should watch it a tiny bit next time… But no need to worry about that now! “Haha, great~ Then it’s a date!”

“Date!?”

“So so, about the day and time–”

Ramuda had not responded to that, too eager to get this over with. A day where he could watch and decide what was up with them. Then again, while there was still something odd about them. Nothing dangerous just… Weird. He’s got some odd feeling of… Familiarity? If that made sense… He wanted to know what it was. But… He’ll figure it out soon enough, won’t he?

“I’m home…”

“Oh, welcome home Si– Why are you looking like that? Did something happen?”

“Kind of? I… don’t know…”

“What? Did one of the gals—”

“No Eli, nothing like that. I just… I think I’ve just been asked out on a date.”

“Huh? Someone’s asked you out? … About damn time. The old man owes me some dough when he comes home.”

“You’ve been betting on it with Ole?”

“Kind of.”

“You’re putting too much faith in me…”

“Hey, your chances to go on a date were always higher than mine.”

“E… Excuse—”

“Let’s talk about it during dinner. Wash your hands and tell me who that bastard is. Gotta hire a hit on them in case they try anythin’ funny.”

“ELI!”

“Hey, just kidding. … Because I’ll carry the hit out myself.”

“Please don’t…”

#Nimue's Lake #fanfiction #fanfic #fic #oneshot #one shot #original character #non binary oc #hypnosis mic oc #hypmic oc #hypnosis mic #hypmic #amemura ramuda #ramuda amemura #hypmic ramuda

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