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callmelola111 · 11 months

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guilty conscience ☆ part four

← part 1 , part 2 , part 3 ⭑ part 5 →

synopsis: it’s your first year at college and you’re 1,500 miles away from home. you’d feel completely alone if it wasn't for your attractive roommate ellie. will this attraction complicate the already uncharted territory? or will she be the answer to all your problems?

|✯| pairing & wc: college!ellie williams x roommate!reader. wc: 3.2k

|✯| cw (by part): 18+ themes (MDNI), fem reader, SMUT (18+ ONLY), modern au!ellie, HEAVY ANGST, frequent swearing, sexual tension, cat lol, fingering (r receiving), oral (r recieving), kinda nipple play, dom!ellie, sub!reader, public-ish sex, ellie is a cheater cheater pumpkin eater (i think thats it but lmk if i missed anything)

a/n: honestly was getting fed up with myself writing this part. like goddamn bitch can we get a happy ending already? so much angst and drama from ellie that you might just wanna beat her tf up. it gets so slutty though and i love it. i hope this is feeds the ache for y'all, lmk cause this is my first attempt at smut!! anyways, thanks 4 the support and much love from me to you <;3

After that special night with Ellie, you realized there was no more ignoring the situation at hand. She left you feeling empty just as quick as she had made you feel full. And you cared so much for her, despite the fact. No matter how much you wanted to stand your ground, your mind always got stuck on the possibilities. The possibility that Ellie was feeling everything you were… The possibility that there was a happy ending in sight… The possibility that Cat meant nothing.

With all these feelings circling your mind, you felt too biased to make the right decision when it came to her. You decided it was time to tell Dina. You quickly picked up your phone and gave her a call, inviting her out to coffee. Thankfully Dina offered to drive, as you were still stranded at Ellie’s bandmates place. 10 minutes later, she was out front honking.

Dina greeted you with a squeal, “Hiii love!! I missed you!”

Before you could reciprocate her greeting she spoke again, “Wait who’s house is this? How was last night? Oh my god Y/n, did you hook up with someone?? Pleaseee tell me!!” Dina’s thoughts were going 100 mph trying to guess the context of this little rendezvous.

“That’s why I asked you to coffee. Trust me, I’m going to explain everything.” Your mysterious answer left Dina even more intrigued. The both of you arrived at the coffee shop, ordered your drinks, and took a seat at a little table in the corner.

“Soooo… TELL ME ALREADY,” Dina exclaimed impatiently as you fidgeted in your seat not even sure where to start. You stared through the shop window at nothing in particular as you mulled over the timeline of Ellie and you. Dina could see the cogs in your brain turning and knew this conversation was going to be about more than a silly little one night stand. You finally spoke 3 words, “it’s about Ellie.”

“Ellie? God I should’ve known, I’m literally your best friend!!”

“It's fine D, I’ve been pretty radio silent about my love life on purpose. See, it’s much more complicated. Like a gut wrenching, sick and twisted, WLW heartbreak kind of complicated. How long can you stay and talk?”

“I’m all yours babe, give me every last detail. I'm serious,” Dina urged. So, you did. The debrief took a total of 3 hours and 2 iced coffees to get through. It felt so good getting everything off your chest.

Dina gave you just the right advice too, “Communication is key.” You knew it was stupid but talking about it upfront was the last thing you had thought to do. It seemed too scary to face Ellie like that, but you knew it was the right choice. Sure it was hard dealing with these feelings and you wanted answers, but you also lived with this girl. You owed it to yourself and to her to figure out this bullshit. You didn’t want to be in a constant state of tension and resentment every time the two of you had to be around each other (which was all the time).

After a morning well spent, you and Dina said your goodbyes and she dropped you back off at your dorm. You walked through the front doors and swiped your student ID to access the elevator. You leaned against the cold, metal walls as you brainstormed how to approach Ellie. You had a good idea of what to say up until you were opening the door and coming face to face with her. She made you forget everything. But, despite your blank mind, you were determined.

“Ellie, we need to talk, seriously.” You tried to assert yourself, but your breaths were shaky from nerves. Ellie looked up from her desk nonchalantly and gave you a blank stare like she had no idea what you were talking about. This really pissed you off.

“Don’t give me that fucking look Ellie, you know exactly what I’m talking about. How could you just leave me like that?”

“Hey relax, it’s not like that.” she stood up and answered calmly, which made you want to slap her even more. Ellie could put on a game face better than she could ever be vulnerable. No matter the damage her lack of honesty caused.

“It’s not like that? Be real with yourself for one fucking second Ellie.”

“Fuck you bro, I don’t need this shit.” she retaliated, not meaning a word she spat out.

“FUCK YOU!” you shouted, moving into her space. Instead of moving back, Ellie stayed right there with you, standing her ground. You felt the heat of her body against yours and an erotic sensation growing between your legs. Your eyes began to glaze over with tears of desperation, she had this unexplained power over you.

“Ellie, I- I can’t keep doing this with you.”

“Can’t keep doing what?” she asked. It’s like Ellie needed you to admit it first before she could even acknowledge it on her own. She longed to hear your passionate confessions and anguished pleas.

“I can’t keep beating around the bush with you. I like you Ellie and it’s driving me fucking crazy because you act like you could care less. You taunt me with your stupid sexy charm and stupid flirty touch just to run right back to Cat. But right here, right now, you can’t deny the tension between us. I need you Ellie.” Tears began to stream down your face and you wiped them away with haste. A beat of loud silence echoed through the room before Ellie finally answered.

“I don’t mean to tease, but there’s just so much at stake when it comes to me and you. Can't you see? I know I’m a piece of shit. I mean, here I am with a perfectly fine girlfriend, yet inches away from my roommate, hardly able to resist her touch.”

“Then don't Ellie. Forget about everyone and please just kiss me.” You were practically begging, it was so pitiful. Ellie placed a hand to your shoulder and shoved you against the wall.

“God Y/n just STOP IT!”

You melted under her agonizing touch, “W-why not me?” You stuttered and took in her hot breaths that hit your face as she panted through her frustration. It wasn’t much longer till the two of you could no longer restrain.

Ellie stared at her dirty converse to avoid your pleading eyes, “I just can’t, I can’t cheat. I'm not a cheater.” She was shaking her head profusely as if to rid her mind of the lustful thoughts that consumed her. She wanted you so bad it hurt. You took her face in your hands and lifted her gaze to yours in a last attempt.

“Ellie-,” you gasped, as the aching became unbearable. You’d surrender to her touch right now if she only asked. As Ellie looked back at you, she wished Cat didn’t exist, you were all she ever wanted and you were right there. She just had to say the words and you’d be hers.

Ellie’s head fell into the crook of your neck in desperation. Her hands moved up and down your clothed body searching for some sort of release.

“Ellie please, I need you.” you whimpered into her ear. The vibrations sent a shiver of pleasure down her spine and just like that she snapped. All her morals disappeared as she found your wrist and grasped it firmly, leading your hand to the waistband of your pants.

She whispered back, “show me.” With her permission your hand darted down to the ache. You slid your fingers through the mess Ellie invoked with just her words before stopping on the big ball of nerves that begged to be touched.

Before you could ease the yearning down below, Ellie interrupts, “I said show me.” A smirk grew upon her face as she watched you discern the meaning of her risky comment. You retrieved your fingers in obedience to Ellie and were prepared to do whatever else she asked.

Immediately, Ellie took your sticky fingers and brought them to her plump lips. Slowly she planted kisses from the tips of your digits down to your knuckles. It felt like a dream. Of course, Ellie knew she should stop, but when her freckled nose caught the sweet smell of your juices she dreamed of tasting them too.

“Put your hands back in your pants.” she demanded with agency. Back inside they went, fingers quick to locate your empty hole. You couldn’t take it, your middle finger gently slid in and a breath escaped your open mouth. You shut your eyes and an in-and-out rhythm ensued. Ellie grew wet herself as she watched you writhe with pleasure. She couldn’t help but tell you.

“I love watching you touch yourself like that.” Her comment evoked a strained moan from your lips as you imagined her fingers inside instead of your own. Ellie cupped her cunt, trying to fight her infidelity but failing miserably.

“Can I see your fingers again please? I- I wanna taste it.”

“Need me that bad?” you teased, like you hadn’t been dreaming of this moment for ages. But Ellie had no time for games and took matters into her own hands. She captured your fingers herself. Her tongue flattened to the length of them before her mouth completely closed in on the treat. She sucked with vigor until your flavor dissipated.

“Tastes so good” she hummed, eyes blown out with pleasure.

“How about you really taste it?” you taunted. The twisted and erotic nature of the interaction left you in a trance.

“You know I can’t Y/n. It- It would be wrong.” Ellie spoke as if sucking your roommates slick right off her fingers wasn’t just as much of a betrayal as any sexual act. At this point morals felt so out of the question but your words from nights before continued to repeat in her head.

“Me? Mess it up for you? Don’t worry Ellie, you can do that all on your own, believe me.”

She was at odds with herself, not knowing whether to dive in head first or run away while she could.

“Please Ellie, I need you inside me.” you begged. She brushed the back of her hand down your face apologetically and planted a kiss on your forehead.

A single tear fell as she said, “I just can’t do this. I have to go,” and turned towards the door. Ellie disappeared out of the room and you sunk to the floor, defeated once more. I guess old habits really do die hard.

After Ellie left, she didn’t show back up to your dorm for the next 3 days. At first you were pissed off and hurt, but the longer she was gone, the more that bitterness turned into worry. She became the only thing on your mind. You had tried calling and texting but to no avail. Out of desperation, you even decided to ask Cat in class. Dina supervised from afar as you confronted her.

“Cat, I know you don’t like me, but can I please just ask you something,” you said with hesitance.

“Great observation! You’re right, I don’t like you. Now, what do you want?” she snapped.

“It’s about Ellie, I haven't seen her in 3 days and I’m really worried. Do you know where she is?” Cat paused to think before she gave you an answer.

“She’s been staying at my place. Is there a problem? I mean, I am her girlfriend,” she scoffed. Truthfully, Cat hadn’t seen Ellie for the past 3 days either but God forbid she let you find that out. She didn’t want you thinking you had any sort of chance with her girlfriend now that she seemed to be getting iced out too.

Of course, her plan worked just how she wanted and you were just about ready to give up on Ellie. You walked back to your dorm dragging your feet hopelessly. When you arrived you were greeted by none other than the girl who’d been fueling your worry.

“Ellie? What the fuck. What are you doing here?”

“I mean, I live here right?” she answered while rummaging through her things. Here she goes again, pissing you off like usual.

“I thought you did too until you went awol for 3 whole days without saying a thing. If you wanna stay with Cat that bad just tell me. I don’t need you sparing my feelings. You’ve already done enough.” Your anger spoke for you and Ellie was baffled.

“Cat? What makes you say that? I’ve been at my parents this whole time.”

You snapped, “Don't lie to me Ellie, I know you were at her place. If you love Cat so much, just be with her and leave me the fuck alone.” Ellie then grabbed her guitar and slinged on a backpack.

“Fine, I will leave you alone. I have a show to be at anyways.” And just like that, gone again.

You replayed the past hour in your head and considered the fact that maybe Ellie was telling the truth. Cat was never known to be a saint, so her lying all of the sudden seemed likely. This time, instead of waiting for Ellie to come back around, you decided to chase after her.

You quickly threw on a revenge outfit and put on some mascara. You stared in the mirror at your black mini skirt and tight crop top. You couldn’t deny it, you looked fucking hot. The peak in confidence pushed you right out the door and to the venue of Ellie’s show.

When you arrived her band was already on stage playing. You realized this was your first time ever hearing them together and decided to really soak it in. Ellie looked so happy doing what she loved despite all the drama happening off stage. She was even better than you thought. You watched as she plucked the strings and bobbed her head along with the beat. You hated how much it turned you on. The tattoo you loved so much was on full display and her arm muscles flexed with each chord. She’d occasionally bite her bottom lip in concentration and it drove you wild. Her set finally finished and you were more than pleased, mentally and physically. Ellie got off stage and you quickly ran after, shouting her name.

“Hey can we talk please? I wanna say sorry.” you explained.

“Fine, come with me to the bathroom, it’s quieter there.” She grabbed your hand and led you. You pushed yourself up to sit on the marble counters that housed the sinks. Ellie looked you up and down, waiting for you to speak. She took note of how good you looked before frantically spewing an apology.

“I’m sorry for accusing you of lying. I was stupid and asked Cat if she had seen you recently. Of course she told me you’d been with her and I blindly believed.”

She seemed to be listening so you continued your ranting, “I really hate to fight Els. I miss having fun with you. I wanna move on from everything and just be happy. Together, me and you.” You looked up to flash her some puppy dog eyes when you noticed her attention being diverted.

No matter how hard Ellie wanted to pay attention to what you had to say, she couldn’t help but stare up your skirt. Your positioning on the counter gave her the perfect sneak peek of the space between your legs. Once you had caught on to her pervy behavior Ellie fumbled to save face.

“Shit sorry um, I was just, uh, you have cute panties.” She then flashed you a sideways smile trying to make up for that dumpster fire of a “save”.

“You don’t have to apologize, Els.” A cocky look spread across your face and Ellie recognized what game you were playing.

“Well then I’d just like to say, the wet spot on them is even cuter.” Your face turned hot as you registered the fact that the same girl who made you soak through your panties was about to be the one to take them off.

Ellie slotted herself between your knees as you sat on the counter. Shock turned to hunger in a matter of seconds as you practically consumed each other. Her mouth engulfed yours as if there was no need for air. You desperately clung to her body, using your legs to pull in closer. Ellie grabbed at your chest as she slipped her wet tongue into your desperate kiss. You gasped into her mouth when she found your nipples through the thin fabric of your top. She twisted them with power before removing your shirt completely. Ellie separated from your mouth for just a split second to admire the beauty before her.

“You’re fucking gorgeous,” she gushed and then used both hands to push your legs apart. Your cunt was on full display through the soaked fabric, your skirt bunched up around your hips. Ellie used her calloused fingers to trace the delicate folds peeking from the cloth and you jolted as she brushed past your sensitive spot. She hooked into your panties to scootch the fabric to the side before you suddenly interrupted.

“Ellieeee, we’re in a public bathroom.” She pouted at you with desperation. Ellie needed you now. Out of pure impulse, she grabbed you by the hips, hands cupping your ass, and stumbled with you into the big stall.

“Take them off” she demanded. You seductively slipped the pink, lace thong you were wearing down to your ankles. The cold air alone on your exposed folds was enough to send a sensation through your body. Ellie retrieved your littered painties and shoved them into her pocket for “safe keeping”. She remained on her knees in the tight bathroom stall and began planting kisses on your inner thighs. These kisses turned into small bites as the shared arousal became overwhelming to your senses.

Ellie eventually found her way to right where you wanted her. Her fingers spread you apart taking mental note of each delicate fold. You gasped in pleasure, as if to urge her to continue. The wet sensation of her tongue finally met your aching clit and a sultry moan escaped your lips. Your opening clenched at the contact as she coached you through the bliss that was her mouth.

“I know it feels good but you gotta be quiet for me baby. Just breathe.” You had barely gotten the hang of keeping calm before her fingers dove in to give you twice as much satisfaction.

You gripped Ellie’s forearm for support as she twisted in and out of your throbbing cunt. She was determined to make you feel good. She needed to make up for her bad behavior.

With that thought in mind, she dove back in with her mouth followed by the curling of her fingers inside you. You couldn’t help but screech and Ellie quickly shot a hand up to cover your mouth. So goddamn noisy. As she continued, you inched closer and closer to the precipice of an orgasm.

The bathroom brimmed with the wet sounds of Ellie’s tongue lapping you up, her fingers assaulting your hole, and the moans she did her best to muffle. But, suddenly, those weren’t the only sounds that filled the room.

“Ellie? Baby, is that you?”

← masterlist ⭑ part 5 →

taglist ☆...

@machetegirl109 @gold-dustwomxn @menatoia @ximtiredx @robinismywifee @elliepricefield @alexpritch @jokirxmae

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serafilms · 3 years

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Hi Ash!I'm not sure if you still write for dc but in case you do,i'm here to resend my request!Can you please write headcanons for Jason Todd x gender neutral!Reader where Y/n was adopted by Clark and Lois when they were 10 because Lex Luthor killed their parents in a rampage across the city and that caused them to unlock their pyrokinesis(fire powers)so Clark took them under his wing as his sidekick so that's how they met Jason?They have anger issues like Jason which their adoptive parents took them to anger management classes for as a kid and they worked and go by Clark's last name(Kent) + the hero name 'Sparks' so Jason calls them 'Sparkles' and the main plot is them getting together after Jason comes back to life?

jason todd x pyrokinesis!reader hc's

↳ pairing – jason todd x gn!pyrokinesis!reader

↳ genre – headcanons; bulleted scenarios; fluff; gender neutral reader

↳ warnings – mentions of death

hi frankie! when i moved blogs, i decided to reinvent my masterlist to fit my current interests, and i realised that dc doesn't fall under that category so i put a miscellaneous section of the masterlist for the odd thing i may write. so yeah while i don't write for dc anymore, i still wanted to write this for you as my friend and one of the best supporters i have on tumblr <3333 (i've also put atla and pj under misc as i don't see myself writing for them a lot, and well, you saw the announcement). i hope you like this!

10 years old was a rough age for you

you suppose it all started when lex luthor staged an attack on metropolis

you had been asleep at the time but your parents had woken up in a panic

they had yelled at you to wake up and run

so you did

when it was all over you couldn't find your parents anywhere and your house had essentially collapsed on itself

it wasn't all that hard to figure out what happened and you found yourself falling to your knees and crying

something snapped inside of you and the next thing you knew you were surrounded by a ring of flames

and that was when clark found you

as superman ofc

he saw your powers in action and had a big oh my god moment and decided he couldn't just leave you on the streets

so he took you in

it was tough goings at first

you had a lot of difficulty controlling your powers, and even more difficulty controlling your emotions

you found yourself exploding at the tiniest things

both metaphorically and literally

clark did his best to train you, but hero training and emotional training are two very different things, so you had yet to prove that you could be brought into a field as a sidekick

eventually clark and lois had to bring you to a specialist to work through your anger

your attitude became better

you had less outbursts

and you were more in control of your powers than ever

finally you were allowed to go out into the field

your first mission ever was a situation in gotham city that had gotten out of hand

and it was there that you met batman and robin

you and jason were snarky with each other at first but eventually you called a truce and made peace with each other

and you two became the best of friends

for the next few years you two would do everything together (that you could, living in different cities)

you understand each other well, having similar pasts and even more similar personalities

when he died you were devastated

your emotions were out of check and clark had to pull you from field work and put you behind a desk so you wouldn't burn down metropolis

after a few months you were ready to go back into the field again and for a while you tried to enjoy it

it was nice getting back out there

but it wasn't the same

so you quit and decided to focus on the last few years of high school and then college

clark and lois had become parental figures to you and they wholeheartedly supported your decision

so that's what you did

you moved on with your life

it wasn't easy, but you tried to live out the rest of your adolescence and beginning of your adulthood as best you could

when the time came for you to go away to college you said your goodbyes to them and your old friends and moved away, to a crappy little apartment closer to your school in gotham

gotham may be a freak show, but goddamn their universities are good

yeah ok shh it's for the plot

you didn't have any roommates and it was a somewhat unsafe area, but it was still pretty average and heaven knows you could take care of yourself

it was in this apartment that you and jason met again

clark had told you about a new vigilante with a red helmet and leather jacket who had been causing trouble in gotham

he still kept you in the loop even though you had quit the hero business years ago

sometimes you thought he might just want you back as a sidekick

i mean you were pretty amazing

you didn't really think much of it

new vigilantes, heroes, and villains popped up all the time so it wasn't anything surprising

until of course he showed up in your living room

you were in the kitchen cooking a budget college student dinner (toast. it was just toast.)

"can i get some of that?"

cue heart attack

"WHAT THE FUCK"

you shot a blast of fire towards him, it he dodged and it disintegrated out the window

"whoa, whoa, whoa. it's me"

he took his helmet off

"jason? wtf"

you couldn't believe it

you'd literally talked to bruce

you were sure jason had died

there was no way you were mistaken

"hey sparkles"

"stfu bitch ur dead"

"yea about that lol"

you spent the next 2 hours sitting around your kitchen bench eating toast and drinking tea, trying to catch up with each other and make sense of what happened (jason and then you, respectfully)

it was really nice

you offered jason a place to stay for the night since it was getting late, and he accepted

the two of you lay in the dark of the living room that night, pretending like you were middle schoolers having a slumber party, and not young adults who had just reunited for the first time ever

but the next morning you woke up to the shower running and when jason came out, dressed in his clothes from yesterday but still with wet hair

you couldn't help but

notice him

dying and coming back to life really did something for him

and this became a regular occurrence

every now and then, red hood would pause his duties to come visit you and hang out

he would make sure you're ok in your sketchy little neighbourhood and you would reassure him with a small demonstration of your powers that you were fine

jason knew you could take care of yourself, but it had been years since he'd seen you, and since then you'd retired as a superhero

he couldn't help but be a little worried about you

so this routine continued for a while until one night you were lying side by side on your bed watching this show you had become obsessed with after jason's death (that he obviously missed because he was dead)

and you fell asleep and CUDDLED HIM

while you were dozing off, somewhere in the state between awake and asleep, you felt him kiss your head and whisper "i love you sparkles"

the next morning you were in a daze

you couldn't do anything properly and almost burned the pancakes you were making

"whoa, you ok, sparkles?"

you turned abruptly

"did you mean it?" "huh?"

"last night, when you said you loved me"

"WTF YOU HEARD ME" "YEAH"

awkward silence

"well,,,,, yeah"

"oh,,,, cool,,,, well me too"

"hUH?"

"i love you"

*open mouthed fish jason*

"hurry up and kiss me, jackass"

and you all lived happily ever after :)

#dc #dc comics #dc imagines #jason todd #jason todd imagines #jason todd x reader

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amateur-author597 · 3 years

Text

SERIOUS RISE OF THE TITANS SPOILERS

BUT I NEED TO RANT

SPOILERS ARE UNDER THE CUT I PROMISE

I STARTED ROTT TEN MINUTES AFTER IT CAME OUT AT 5:01 PM AEST AND FINISHED ROTT AT ROUGHLY 10 TO 7

I FINISHED THE MOVIE AND SAW 8 SPOILER POSTS WITHIN 2 MINUTES ON TUMBLR

PLEASE BE CONSIDERATE OF OTHERS AND PUT ALL SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT FOR YOUR POSTS AND TAG THEM PROPERLY

FIRST OFF

Everyone who said Blinky would die because of"and blinky" in the trailer

Fuck you

It was very fair but still I was so scared

Same to if those who said Archie died because he wasn't in the trailer

Again fair but I was terrified and anxious as hell

My heart could not have handled if he died or Douxie's grief but I'm still upset about what actually happened

And I wish Zoe showed up so they could give her some characterization

We find out she's known Douxie and been friends with him for over 900 years but she doesn't help with the Arcane Order?

And none of the hedge witches show up to help fight them to defend their home?!?!?!

SECOND!!! THE TRAIN SCENE!!!

YES

LOVED IT

GREAT

Jim you stupid string bean, I love you though

Claire, good job, that was some hard magic

Toby, go duke!

Douxie my husband, YAAASS QUEEN, GET IT BABY

The Police Station

It was so funny

Everything about it I loved

Douxari confusing the officers and being neutrally chaotic

Claire trying to be tough and silent

Toby spilling ALL the tea and the officers not believing him

Archie just being Archie and enjoying the confusion of the humans

KREL SHOWING UP WITH RICKY AND LUCY

YES

OMFG

Keep casually listing just about every spy agency in order

and then just

"And your mum"

What a legend

Literal King 👑

Honestly

Walter and Barbara

Them being engaged and happy

Y E S

Jim being best man

Y E S

Walter DYING before they could get married

N O

H E L L N O

ELI GREW UP!!!!!

MPREG STEVE

Very unpopular opinion

I loved it, so fucking funny

I don't even like mpreg normally

But I loved it as a random side plot cause they probably couldn't find an import part for every character and still give them their deserved screen time

Also, funny!

Krel was way too smug explaining to Steve that he would be pregnant, not Aja

You know how we as a fandom have all decided Krel is Aro/Ace icon or at least Aro spec and/or grey ace (something like that) I have no problem with this and love it, it makes me feel very validated, but what Krel just doesn't want kids and decided it's easier to not have romantic relationships, that's also a legitimate thing a lot of woman do

Does that mean gay guys can have biological kids on Akiridion 5?

BACK TO STEVE

I wish there was a bit where Steve called Lawrence on the phone calling him "dad" or "coach dad" and being like "Hey, I know you're probably busy, you're at school but I'm seriously freaking out and I need your help or advice" and explaining the whole Akiridion pregnancy and Coach just reassuring him gently and telling him that he and Steve's mum would support him and he wasn't alone and they weren't mad at him.

Douxie figuring out the sigil

Good job baby! Smart boy! I am very proud

You very smart

The Order bringing the Titans with Nari mind controlled

😬

That's all

Numora dying

Why! It's was so unnecessary!

I don't necessarily love her by any means

But still!

Dndndbebhsvehehrdidjbdisbeurbvtisjbsgsneosbsyneyjsosnsjdbdynsvsidbfindbzhndhdushdhushdbudhnm

*key spams in frustration*

This began much irritation that just increased

THE BRIDGE

ARCHIE LEFT DOUXIE HIS LONG LIFE FRIEND AND PLATONIC SOULMATE (NOBODY CAN CONVINCE ME THAT NOT JOW FAMILIARS WORK IDC)

YES HE WAS STAYING WITH HIS DAD AND I RESPECT THAT

BUT GODDAMN IT CHARLIE

CHARLEMAGNE COULD HAVE JUST LIT THE TROLLS FOLLOWING THEM ON FIRE AND THEN FLOWN OUT

THE PORTAL WOULD HAVE CLOSED AT THE SAME TIME

OR THEY COULD HAVE FREED THE TROLLS

EITHER WAY

THEY COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT

WTF HAPPENED THE WHOLE FOUND FAMILY THING THEH WERE PUSHING IN WIZARDS

WHY PUSH A GRIEVING DOUXIE TO ESSENTIALLY GET OVER IT AND ACCEPT ARCHIE AS HIS FAMILY CUZ HE WAS ALWAYS THERE JUST TO GET RID OF ARCHIE ANYWAY

DOUXIE WOULD HAVE NEVER SEEN HIM AGAIN

HE WOULD HAVE JUST SEEN "TELL DOUXIE I SAID GOODBYE" IN THE KRONOSPHERE AS HIS LAST MEMORY OF HIM

*INCREASING FRUSTRATION*

"No More Running"DOUXIE ALMOST DIED BRINGING NARI BACK

I KNEW HE WOULDNT DIE BUT I WAS STILL SCARED

I was sad

NARI AND SKRAEL'S BATTLE WAS PERFECT

CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE I WAS NOT PLEASED WITH NARI DYING

NOR DOUXIE BEING HELD BACK ONCE AGAIN FROM SAVING A LOVED ONE

"Nor more running"

Simple line

Sweet

Shattered me and my very being THE SWITCHING SPELL

AMAZING.YES.ILOVEDIT.

DOUXIE YOU SMART BRILLIANT BOY I AM SO FUCKING PROUD

Douxari was so chaotic and funny and pure in a very weird way

I was sad that THAT screenshot of Douxie and Archie wasn't actually Archie because he looked so happy chddling his familiar but it was still cute

Narxie was so fucking sarcastic when the Arcane Order realized the spell didn't work and I live for it

Walter and Barbara

Them being engaged and happy

Y E S

Jim being best man

Y E S

Walter DYING before they could get married

N O

H E L L N O

ELI GREW UP!!!!!

MPREG STEVE

I loved it, so fucking funny

Krel was way too smug explaining to Steve that he would be pregnant, not Aja

Does that mean gay guys can have biological kids on Akiridion 5?

BACK TO STEVE

Douxie figuring out the sigil

Good job baby! Smart boy! I am very proud

You very smart

The Order bringing the Titans with Nari mind controlled

😬

That's all

Numora dying

Why! It's was so unnecessary!

Dndndbebhsve hehr didjbdisbeurbvtisjbsgsneosbsyneyjsosnsjdbdynsvsidbfindbzhndhdushdhushdbud

*key spams in frustration*

THE BRIDGE

ARCHIE LEFT DOUXIE HIS LONG LIFE FRIEND AND PLATONIC SOULMATE (NOBODY CAN CONVINCE ME THAT NOT JOW FAMILIARS WORK IDC)

YES HE WAS STAYING WITH HIS DAD AND I RESPECT THAT

BUT GODDAMN IT CHARLIE

CHARLEMAGNE COULD HAVE JUST LIT THE TROLLS FOLLOWING THEM ON FIRE AND THEN FLOWN OUT

THE PORTAL WOULD HAVE CLOSED AT THE SAME TIME

OR THEY COULD HAVE FREED THE TROLLS

EITHER WAY

THEY COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT

Titan Nari

I was so scared when Douxie nearly passes out from lack of oxygen trying to save her

Claire did a great job and I like her but I feel like they're overpowering her without developing her

Nari and Skrael's battle was a cinematic masterpiece

Coach Lawrence seriously needs a break

NARI DYING WAS UNACCEPTABLE

DOUXIE BEING HELD BACK FROM HELPING HER WAS UNACCEPTABLE

"No more running" destroyed me

I AM STILL NOT OK

I DON'T THINK I EVER WILL BE

The 9th configuration

FOUND. FAMILY. CENTRAL.

I'M THE CHOSEN ONE BUT I CAN'T DO IT ALONE

YES

The Final Battle

I don't even know what to say

Aja. QUEEN.

RIP Varvatos

Rip Douxie that fall would have really fucking hurt

He definitely had broken ribs from that

I'm surprised he could walk after even while being supported against someone else to stand

Jim should have just stabbed Bellroc instead of talking

Jim should not have been able to walk and run perfectly fine after being stabbed even with all the adrenaline

Toby WTF MAN

GOOD JOB BUT FUCKING HELL

I LEGIT CAN'T EVEN FIGURE OUT HOW IT HAPPENED

THE MOVIE CAME OUT 4 DAYS AGO (IT TOOK ME FOREVER TO WRITE THE RANT DONT JUDGE) AND I'VE WATCHED IT 5 TIMES AND I STILL DON'T KNOW HOW I MISSED IT EACH TIME

HOW DID TOBY CRASH?!?!

ANYWAY

TOBY DYING WAS NOT ACCEPTABLE

JIM SCREAMING OUT HIS NAME AS SOON AS HE REALIZED TOBY WASNT THERE

BLINKY AND ARGH LOOK OF PANIC AND WORRY CUZ THEY REALIZED TOBY DIDNT COME BACK WITH JIM

DOUXIE REALIZING HE FAILED TO PROTECT SOMEONE ELSE IMPORTANT TO HIM (EVEN IF HE DOESNT HAVE MUCH OF AN ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP WITH TOBY, I REFUSE TO BELIEVE HE DIDN'T ADOPT THEM ALL AS HIS YOUNGER SIBLINGS)

"Always was, always will be" hurt my entire soul

The Time stone

This frustrated me so much it took me 3 days to write just this bit

Go back in time and save everyone?

Yes! Awesome!

Go back to the start the start

Also, I love and adore Toby

BUT IT MAKES NO SENSE

JIM GIVING THE AMULET AND RESPONSIBILITIES AWAY WHEN HE HAS 2 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE AND KNOWS ALL OF HIS MISTAKES AND HOW TO FIX THEM

WTF

AS I SAID I LOVE TOBY AND I LIKE HIM ACHIEVING STUFF

BUT HES NOT TREATED AS BADLY AS THE FANDOM ACTS LIKE HE IS

AND LOGICALLY JIM MADE A STUPID DECISION CONSIDERING WHAT HE KNOWS

I get that he was tired of being the trollhunter

Largely because he was tired of not thinking he would do a good enough job

But odds are Toby will make some of the same mistakes and they'll be right back in that same position except maybe Claire will die that time around

And if you're sick of the trauma and responsibility of it than why would you dump it on your best friend

Once again I say, it was an illogical and dumb decision

I WILL BE RUNNING TO FANFICTIONS TO ESCAPE THIS CANON

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pompoms-bones · 3 years

Text

Woah huge rant about ana community!!

I hate that I ever came to ana tumblr. Before i came here, I was in recovery for a similar case of anorexia, but nowhere NEAR as bad as it is now. One day my ed thoughts got the best of me, and all of the sudden i was waist deep in ana tumblr. Pretty much every moment of my life was once again focused on food and calorie counting. I got so deep into it, in fact, that I started to think people saying “ana communities are toxic” were just flat out wrong. My time on ana tumblr made me realize that the people saying “ana tumblr is pro ana,” are actually right.

You can say it was my fault for coming here, “they weren’t responsible for triggering you.” I suppose in a sense you’d be right. But I know that ALL of you know how difficult it is to get out of an ana-based cycle. When food and being thin is the only goddamn thing on your mind, it becomes a genuine STRUGGLE to not browse ana forums and ana communities. You learn to like triggering yourself because its “motivating.” It honestly does feel good to know others have damaging thoughts just like you. You end up wanting it to be your entire lifestyle. You just cant stop logging on. A community that claims to not be proana shouldnt be causing thousands, if not millions of people to dive deeper and deeper into their eating disorders.

I hate that even though i wouldn’t wish anorexia anybody, me posting ana thoughts on this site literally makes me pro ana. I’m literally furthering peoples eating disorders, and even though it’s the last thing I could ever want, in this situation I am solely to blame for triggering others. It’s the same way that I will follow people who post their anorexic thoughts so I can further motivate my own eating disorder. I can say all I want that I’m using this account to cope, and even though that’s true, I feel like other people’s safety is way more important than me coping in... probably the unhealthiest way possible. I’m indirectly helping to ruin so many peoples lives by posting my ana thoughts and shit. This isn’t a recovery community like i’ve seen so many people claim- if it was, then a majority would be posting tips to recover, not reblogging tips to avoid binging after a 7-day fast. Ana tumblr is “follow each other and trigger yourself” and that’s just the truth.

Of course not everyone purposefully triggers themselves- some people genuinely want to recover and follow RECOVERY ana blogs. It’s awful they even have to have recovery in the name. Ana tumblr should be about recovery and a huge majority of it ISNT. It’s awful that I, and so many others, would go out of the way to avoid recovery blogs because it doesn’t fuel our eds. I’m so used to everything here fueling my ed that I genuinely don’t even want to get better. I see people eat 300 cal a day and think I’m not doing good enough. I see people exercise themselves into the negative calorie zone and think I’m not doing good enough. There are posts that are genuinely harmless that I can relate to and chuckle at and I feel like that’s fine- cope through humor. But holy fuckjng cow all I see is people shaming themselves for eating healthily and all I’m taking from it is “everybody deserves to eat that and be healthy :) and I deserve to eat fucking nothing because I don’t deserve to injest anything at all.” Forums like myproana are called pro ana because. it is. The topics are tips for being anorexic; how to be anorexic and avoid certain diseases, strategies for maintaining terrible diets, tips on what exercises burn the most calories, low-cal recipes perfect for keeping you in your calorie range, just straight up bonespo, and, ykno, just so much awful shit. That stuff BELONGS on a website called myproana because it’s clearly pro ana. You know what’s on ana tumblr? Strategies for starving and not binging, tips on what exercises burn the most calories, low-cal recipes perfect for staying within your calorie range, bonespo but mainly thinspo. A Lot of Thinspo.

We are no better than a site fucking CALLED MyProAna- so why do we act like we are?

Anyways, there’s only 15 of you, but to everyone who sees my feed, i’m truly sorry for triggering all of you. i’m sorry for fueling all of your eds. i’m sorry for never posting about recovery. i’m sorry for never even trying to encourage recovery through my posts. i don’t regret much, but if i could go back and stop anything it’d be the creation of this blog. anorexia sucks. bulimia sucks. binge eating disorder sucks. all eating disorders suck. i wish you all the best in your recoveries- your life shouldn’t end because you were afraid of eating an extra slice of bread or even a teaspoon extra of sugar. you deserve love, support, recovery, and most importantly, food. If you make the decision to recover, always remember that its okay to have bad days. healing is never linear, but i know you’ll make it. one day you won’t have to obsess over food. you won’t say no to hanging out with your friends just because there will be food there. you won’t be scared of family, eat-at-the-table, dinners.

I’m dipping for good. I’m going to eat 3 meals tomorrow and feel good about myself. Idk what I plan to do with this account yet, but I know I’m never going to come back. I won’t let myself continue to harm myself. I wish you all the best of luck :) stay safe everybody and know that you deserve so much more than you know.

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ziracona · 3 years

Note

hey zira, what are your hot takes on all of the fo4 companions?

Haha, I don’t know how hot they are, but I can give you a speed run! (Also I am very excited to get this. FO4 was the first open world game I ever played and just the concept of that and the hugeness of the world and branching story & sudden feeling changes towards me in companion characters totally blew my mind, & it still lives rent free in my heart).

Ada, Old Longfellow, and Strong I /still/ haven’t maxed despite having too many hundred hours to want to list on this game—the former bc they were DLC, Strong because honest to god I left him at a nice settlement and then completely forgot about him and remembering that I am the energy in this Ryan O’Flanagan video but abt leaving my super mutant in a tiny settlement alone. I will get there! To max affinity I mean. But anyway, I don’t truly know those three, so my takes are incomplete. So far though, I really like Ada. She is a good girl just trying her best. Fucks me up I can tell her to self destruct. Even though I feel sure she would ignore me, I cannot imagine ever saying that to her. It was really sweet she was willing to forgive the Mechanist and move on with her life. A good girl. Longfellow I am maxing rn (was last time I played anyhow). I enjoy him. Gruff grumpy old man but he seems quite decent and I like his idle banter and when he sings to himself a lot. Seems like he’s had it rough. Strong I liked. He’s wild, and I loved how insane meeting him was, and am worried about him eventually understanding poetry and how that might mess up his sense of world understanding. But he’s a chill dude in his own way and I am glad they gave us at least one nice super mutant.

For the companions I actually do know like the back of my hand, the speedrun:

Nick Valentine: Best man on earth. One of two fictional characters I ever called husband. I would die kill or live for him. I want to be 1/4th the man Nick Valentine is. One of the best characters ever period and I adore literally everything about him. It fucked me up early in game where right after he offered to basically risk destroying his mind to help a stranger look for her son, he asked me how I was doing. First character in the entire game to do that. His first companion dialogue is abt how you’re doing TuT. The man is very kind and forgiving and fair, but knows when the draw the line and take no shit. Emotionally mature, kind, caring, longsuffering. Incredibly damaged and broken by life, but holding on and living kindly and to help others anyway. One of the four most marryablen fictional men I’ve ever seen.

Preston Garvey: Brave, kind, sweet man. I would defend him with my life. He really just wants so bad to make the world better and life has been so hard, but he’s still trying. A beautiful and underrated companion and I would throw hands for him on sight. I adore how he whistles. A true and gentle and loyal friend. Take him to Quincy and let him get his justice it’s what he deserves. People who hate him because he tries to get help helping civilians in that game are weak. I love him so much... please give him enough time to reach max affinity he’s so worth it.

Deacon: *To the tune of You Are My Dad* You are my friiiiend! You’re my friend! (Boogie woogie woogie). Initially, he pissed me off bc he lies all the god damn time, but after we got close enough he actually trusted me, he stole my heart and I would also die for Deacon. He’s a really good person who thinks he’s shit because of who he was on his past. Also him 🤝 Preston: massive survivor’s guilt. They should be friends. Poor Deacon has been the last member of the Railroad like four times, and it’s awful. Help him. Give him love and support. He’s one of my all time faves. Also, Railroad hands down best faction and if you kill them for any reason other than like a walkthrough route video and I ever get the chance I would 100% clock you in the face as hard as I can, like going for losing teeth, and feel no guilt. I know it’s a game and that’s wrong, and I’d be wrong, but I’d still do it. Also, Ryan Alosio (his VA) saw me do cosplay for Deacon once and told me it was great and it filled me with even more love. Anyway Deacon is great. Also, his whole “There are other organisations out there. And, in time, I'm sure they're going to spoon-feed you their own patented form of bullshit. Ignore the verbage and look at what they're doing. What they're asking you to do. What sort of world they'd have you build and how they're going to pay for it.” Is one of the like, two most iconic quotes in all of FO4 & just super good in general.

Hancock: Hardcore badass man but also a good dude and a champion for the people. Man really puts his money where his mouth is and you gotta respect that; another favorite companion for sure. Big fan of the way he stabs a guy for you upon meeting, and is a cool leader who organized his crime and does a decent job actually leading. He works hard to help people and bites back hard. Social justice advocate, dangerous man about town, not afraid to cosplay a revolutionary war hero 24/7 & u gotta respect the no fucks given attitude. A chill dude. Like that he fights the institute, hates the Brotherhood, helps the Railroad, and is friends with Nick. He’s legit af. Also, his VA gives a different answer every time someone asks him about the voice he did for hancock and they’re funny af.

Piper Wright: A cool spunky lady. Lois Lane on the case, kicking butt, and taking name. She’s nice but also hardcore and smart, supportive, fun. A good person. You always get points if you like Nick (which most companions do), and they’re good friends. She’s funny and I love her. A good heart.

Codsworth: He’s great. He’s family. He’s like my...weird brother. Getting to max affinity is heartwarming and also makes my heart go :’-] . Great early-game companion bc he kicks ass and doesn’t need stims to heal. I love getting called by my name and think that was a great feature (well, my PC’s name). He’s a wonderful funky little robot dude and I am so glad he likes me.

Dogmeat: Amazing. A good boy. Doggo of the year. His actor deserved the game award she won. Cute, full of love, and plays with a teddy bear if you give him one. 100/10z

Cait: I like her a lot. She’s been through so much shit, and it makes sense she is how she is. I like they actually gave her an emaciated and messy (though still pretty) design, since she is a drug addict. And that they make her main quest about taking that seriously and wanting to get help, and that she’ll call out the player if they fuck around and do drugs in front of her after she gets rehabilitated. Her relationship to the PC if good is really sweet, and I am a fan. I like that while she’s not sympathetic to synths and thinks they aren’t people, she forgets that every time Nick walks into a room and is like “Oh hey Nicky : )”. She’s a good girl who has been through a lot and still needs time to heal and find herself, but she’s making great strides.

Robert Joseph MacCready: Human disaster (loving). Homeboy a goddamn /mess/ but I love him. He tries so hard to be cool. I love he makes you pay him to come with, then chickens out and gives it back lol. A fool ball of anxiety and bad decisions and what he thinks brovado is. I wish he, Preston, and Deacon would quit fighting, bc I am always like “ :’-] </3 Boys Please” when they swap out, but I love them just the same. He’s doing his best, he’s just stupid and a fool. Like Philip J Fry. Keeping his goddamn soldier toy, which somehow is listed as junk instead of sent to Misc with quest items where it would be fine, safe?parylizes me with fear. I’ve lost 2 hours of gameplay reloading an old save bc I accidentally lost it.

X6-88: A more complex one to answer about. He’s bad, but like, I’m pretty sympathetic to how he got that way. He was created in a lab and had his emotions mostly dragged out of him in intense psychologically damaging training so he would be a weapon and view himself as an object. I was relieved he chose me over the institute even if he wasn’t a fan of the chocie, and think that means there’s a lot of hope for him. Wish he’d chill the fuck out and quit intimidating civilians for 6 god damn seconds, but I like him. I bring him fancy lad snack cakes home from travels all the time, bc Synths are supposed to like them. Really like that he’s the /most/ sympathetic companion towards Danse in Blind Betrayal, even though he should not be programmed for that, and Danse hated him and made it clear any time they interacted.

(EDIT) Curie: I FORGOT HER BABY IM SO SORRY. I like Curie a lot, despite the fact I temporarily forgot she existed. I stg I thought she was in here. Uhhh, okay. Curie: like her character and personality, HUGE un-fan of both the way her desire to get a synth body is to be ‘more real,’ as if Codsworth isn’t a fully realized person while the same robot type she is, instead of just like. Because it would make her happy. ALSO hate how much of a Born Sexy Yesterday she is, even intentionally in not-determinate affinity talks. It’s gross. But her herself, I like a lot. She’s my daughter and I will protect her. She works at The Castle right now as their on-site medic.

Paladin Danse: I know I’m gonna take heat for this but honestly? He didn’t do much for me. I like that he looks and sounds kinda like Buzz Lightyear, and that’s fun, but idk at all why people think he’s so hot. He’s very boring & generic looking to me. Like you’re valid! Taste all be different. But he doesn’t do it for me personally in looks or personality. I don’t at all like, hate him. Or even dislike. Tbh I am fairly neutral on him. It was funny making affinity with him though. Every other companion I had maxed, I liked more and more with each affinity talk. They’d be like “So my dad was a minuteman and died and I want to honor him” or “I just want to really feel like I’m a person, for real, myself, and I am glad I met you, because the good we have achieved together is ours, even if I can’t be sure of anything else,” or “My brother threw the cultural minorities out of our city for clout bc the rich citizens were all racist, and I tried to help—I snuck them food to the unsafe ruins they set up in for weeks, but eventually, they just vanished, and I still bear immense guilt and self-hatred over not having stopped that.” And Danae’s would be like “One time a buddy of mine got kidnapped by super mutants. They turned him into one of them, and they’re all abominations, so I killed him and it made me really sad.” And I was just like “...Oh danse. I really wanted to like you more. But what the fuck.” His relationship to Haylen is sweet though. And ofc I saved him in Blind Betrayal. I blew up the Prydwin so he’s safe now too, and he lives in the garden by my house and tells me how glad he is we’re friends, and I’m p into that. Overall, my feelings on him are not strong at all though.

Porter Gage: Not a fan. Like, I appreciated he helped me kill the old boss, sure. And bc I owed him for that, I went to max affinity to see what there was to him as a person. And like, as far as raiders go, he was okay. But he wasn’t deeply sympathetic, and he’s a slaver, and if you try to liberate the slaves he and the others own, he /will/ turn on and attempt to murder you immediately, no matter how close you were, so he made his choice, and it was to be a bad person and an asshole to the last. Really enjoyed the VA’s work a lot on him tho.

And there you have it 👈👈😎. Thanks for asking!

#ask #anonymous #fallout 4 #fo4 #god I love them so much. I was really proud I kept all the OGs too. everyone but Gage. who had to go but it’s his own choice and fault 🤷🏻‍♀️#GOD far harbor was a good dlc. it’s like the main quest choice again but way more condensed and twice as f ked up. my poor MC had only #come to terms just before with all the lives she took & started healing #doing bad things she did not want to do & knew he would know about and think less of her for doing. but she did them. 😔 bc of course she did #then she had to choose between letting the dude she loved be hurt in a way he wouldn’t recover from & torpedoing her relationship to him by #she loves Nick and if it’s him or her it’s always gonna be her #I was SUFFERING. a lot. but I also loved it #don’t come into my inbox and clown about liking Danse please or Gage. idc at all #like you are welcome to your opinion I’m not gonna try to convince you /not/ to like him. plz do me the same courtesy & respect my right to #have an opinion u may not like

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k-liight · 3 years

Text

important (?) life update

to cut to the chase, my life has been and is gonna be changing real fuckin quick. we're finally selling the rental house my dad's owned for years instead of continuing to rent it out to people, and he's gonna be moving in about 3 weeks like he's been planning to for a few years, but now the time has come. he actually caught the ✨c-word✨ a little over a month ago from his boss, who had it way worse and almost died, but he miraculously made it, though because of how rough it was to his body he's probably never going to work again, which leaves my dad out of a job. guess that might be part of the reason why my dad's leaving now and not even later, but I suppose things are finally falling into place for him, especially now that he's recovered. so that means my mom and/or I will have to find employment soon enough. and I guess that's all the most important information said and out there, but there's more to this ultimately, which I’m putting under the cut if you don't feel like reading a wall of text because it's more me just getting stuff off my chest than anything

unfortunately things haven't yet fallen into place for me like they have for him. I was hoping that I could have been out of here myself long ago, but of course, ✨the c-word✨ kinda ruined all those plans for me and threw them right out the window lol. thing is, this whole entire bullshit has put even more strain on my parents' already rocky relationship with each other and my relationships with the both of them, even well before he caught it himself. like as soon as shit started shutting down my mom practically forbid me from being anywhere near him- six feet my ass, we'd be on opposite sides of the fucking house or accidentally pass each other for half a goddamn second and she'd scold me like I just committed a felony; I didn't know he was there and I had to pass him to use the bathroom, whadaya want me to do, piss my pants? she'd make me fucking. go into HER room and keep me there whenever my dad wanted to use the kitchen just to keep us separated. she thought us both too much of dumbasses to not stay apart from each other, but like... fuck, man. and looking back, this isn't even all, she practically had this mentality for my entire existence. my parents used to have really terrible and verbally violent fights when I was a child, and I specifically remember one time overhearing my mom say something along the lines of her having the right to basically deny him of taking any part in raising me at all, and that he was only there to work to support us. what the fuck? my support goes out to single moms whose baby daddies (for lack of a better term) are absent or were obviously shitty/abusive, but if a child has two halfway decent parents I believe that they should both have equal effort in raising the child. I dunno if her views have changed since then (I was only in second grade or so) but it still stuck with me. that paired with her overprotectiveness makes it clear that she wanted control over me in a way right from the start. last night, I had a conversation with my dad after months of hardly being able to talk to him for various reasons. we had a talk about what we're both going to do once he moves, and he expressed his disdain at how my mom has more or less sieged control over my life and hasn't let him have much say in it. and while there were a few things he said I didn't agree with, they weren't the points of the conversation so I didn't find any good in causing unnecessary arguments about it. but there was something he said that struck me. I was saying how I'm gonna have to learn how to do shit for myself whether she likes it or not, and he simply said "and you have learn to think for yourself too." in any other context, I would have scoffed internally at such a thing. I have a mind of my own! I disagree with her on lots of things! the fact that we happen to share similar values that he does not share with us is just a coincidence the way I see it. but I realized that wasn't what he meant. it's nothing to do with politics, and it's not me having a preference for her over him (cuz I have no real preference). it's about me literally not knowing how to live my life for myself. almost every single decision I make, it's never about me even if it's supposed to be. "I'd do this or that thing, but what if Mom [insert negative reaction here]?" "I and everyone else needs permission from my mom to do anything with me because otherwise she'll get mad at us." "I know she doesn't like it when I ask too many questions, but what if I get this thing she wants me to do wrong? I should ask just in case." and, as wrong as it may feel for me to say this, this sort of behavior is exactly the kind of thing that someone who's been abused will do. my dad was under the assumption that I was simply prioritizing her wants and needs until I clarified that it's actually out of fear that I behave in this way. since becoming an adult, I've realized more and more things about how my childhood I considered normal was actually pretty fucked-up, and relating to more and more signs and symptoms of emotional abuse, but this realization... pretty much confirms it. it still feels weird to say though, because it implies that I hate her or that she knew what she was doing to me. I do love her, and appreciate all the good things she's done to help me, and I know damn well she cares for me. but the way she's raised me and continues to treat me to this day have had some obvious effects on my psyche. my dad said that the only way for this to end was for me to get away from it. unfortunately, that's not exactly possible right now because I'm financially dependent on her. so the next best thing is to set up my boundaries and demand she let me to learn all the shit I need to know in order to make it on my own, because I sure the hell won't learn anything from continuing to be sheltered. as for finding employment, I'll be restricted to in-town jobs without a driver's license (unless I can get ahold of the local transportation services, but I wanna work on my driving anyway, but THAT might become difficult because it'll be winter before I know it and winter driving is a whole nother hassle lmao) and I'm still debating on whether or not I wanna continue any more college, but yeah. I may continue to be sporadic depending on what happens after dad moves out, but hopefully now that I've been able to more accurately pinpoint all the shit in my life that's affected me today, I'll be able to work on fixing what should have been taken care of years ago and get a step closer to healing 💚

#Light's stupid stuff #status update #vent #kinda #more like me realizing and coming to terms with shit lmao #cw emotional abuse //

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chattegeorgiana · 3 years

Note

Not meaning to sound rude/offend(I’m truly not) but why post about USA politics instead of Romanian ones? Ngl I know the 45th isn’t the one true problem to it all (though he still fanned the flames) but after living with 4 yrs of T**** damage(lucky for non-USA people you didn’t have to live with that) it’s just good to have him out of the WH. Also it’s not just the president in charge, decisions are also made by the house of Congress, the senate, and surpreme court. President does have power, just not 💯 % or else it be dictatorship.

What is going on with Romania?

I do post about Romanian politics as well. It’s just scarce. The same way that post was scarce.

I don’t post politics all day on Tumblr or social media. I try to stay as much away as possible, because people are too invested into this to see that the picture is waaay bigger than Trump or Joe or any other politician.

The political system is an abomination of a system made to divide people to their core.

The political system has divided people and extremized them to their goddamn core and you guys think this is a joe vs trump issue.

Congrats, you just fell into their trap. It’s what this system is meant to do.

You think non-USA people weren’t affected? Have you heard about NATO? Have you heard about international relationships?

Don’t think that you lived in a vacuum and there weren’t ripple effects of this thing.

US is/was a world superpower. Everything the US does has ripple effects. The same way those other big players also leave ripple effects.

As for him being out of there, of course, I am not even going to say that it’s good or not. You guys should know better.

What I would say is that careful with the mass media, ya know? Because some of the words he had said, were true. Some related to China, for example.

How do I know? Because little Romania, a country u guys have no idea about, or better said, my little hometown has been under the effect of Chinese MO.

A single thing has stood to me out of all the limited things that I saw about Trump and your guys’ politics: how he manage to raise employment rates again.

How? By putting people back to work in the very factories the Chinese bought and then closed.

How do I know that? Because that’s the Chinese MO from Romania as well. From my very hometown.

We had factories of corrugated board (3nd best in the whole wide world), factories that gave the 2nd most purest water in the world and whatnot.

These were the very basic factories that sustained the local economy in my little hometown. Know what happened after Chinese business people came and bought those factories?

Everyone was out of job and my county became the 2nd poorest region in the country, because the factories were closed. People unemployed that had to just flee the city if they wanted to survive. Because those business they did with the Chinese were pure corrupt businesses.

My hometown is mostly a ghost town right now, run by local mafia who got rich after doing those businesses.

So you see, in some respects Trump was right. And I know he was, not because he said he was. I don’t trust a word coming from any politician’s mouth.

I know he was because I’ve seen it happen with my own two eyes in other sides of the world. All you had to do is connect the dots for yourself.

The media tried to paint him as crazy for spewing some truth.

So before you believe everything the media tells you about him or how you should think about him, try to detach a bit and do your own research.

I’ve worked in the media. My very first job actually. I learned there how the games are done behind closed doors.

Now, you’ll say I’m a Trump supporter or idk what label you will put on me. Because that’s going to be probably the easiest way to explain this.

Well, I’m not. I won’t support anything political in my entire life lol.

Trump said some truths, but he has some issues as well. He’s a goddamn narcissist and that’s what it was his downfall in politics.

Politics nowadays is shrewd. He’s not. He’s full blunt direct force. The perfect ammo for the system to paint him whatever they want to. In that respect he’s stupid and I would’ve expected him to be smarter given all the shit he pulled in the past.

Like the thing with the banks and taxes that everyone blames him for.

Do I say he did a good or bad thing? Nah. I say he did a smart thing.

He found a way to give people jobs, while in the meantime getting himself rich. He found a loophole, yeah. But it’s not like all those instances with him not paying his taxes were done on his own. Nah. He had an agreement to people in power.

I often wonder... Do people hate him for not paying his taxes or for not having first the idea that he had to make money?

Because in the end it’s all reduced to money. Because money is power and it’s what makes the world go round.

He found a way to grab power and be outside of the locks of banks.

Don’t you guys have those credits ever since you’re in school? That’s literally chains on your future.

You spend most of your lives trying to pay back the banks who lock you in an eco system that generates money to them, while keeping you in chains.

He just found a way to be out of those chains. Out of that wretched system.

Because you see, that’s the issue... It’s a system issue, not a Trump issue.

I don’t have the moral authority to say if what he did is right or wrong. After all, he did create thousands of jobs for people as well while doing what he did.

But are you guys under the impression that Trump might be the only one who did that? Lol, tell me you’re not that naive.

Those kind of people have armies of accountants around them to make the papers look good.

It just so happened that Trump probably disturbed someone.

Because at those levels there’s a looot of power play. I mean, it’s not like in the past they didn’t all hang out together.

Come on, tell me you’re not that naive. It’s a move done by politicians ever since they goddamn invented that wretched system.

And since you asked by Romanian politics, what I’ve just written until now about Trump, is the same thing that happens in Romania.

It’s a global phenomena. It happens in every country. Here it’s the same, lol.

They all used to hang out together, and then whenever the elections come they start being at each other’s throats, posing as if they’re the biggest enemies.

But then you see clandestine pictures of them dining together at a restaurant. Or not even that. Just them hanging together.

You know, when the media isn’t there to be telling the story they want to tell to the audience.

Because if you think that the media isn’t politically subservient, you’re OH SO wrong.

Told you my first job was in the media.

You know what someone I worked with told me about some discussions they used to have in the USA on some sort of workshops or whatever u called them back in the day?

That US media hasn’t been free media since the 70′s. And that Romanian press was still free at that time (this was a discussion back in the 90′s).

But, there will come a time when the press won’t be free in Romania either. That they will write under political command.

Well, guess what happens nowadays? Exactly what that person said. It started somewhere back in 2008-2010.

In the pandemic for example, Romanian government gave the media 70$ billion in funds.

Which makes me wonder, why would the media need something like that, if it’s not an essential domain, like we oh so started labeling?

But hey, they did it in the pandemic so they are now free of any suspicions because if they did it now, all they wanted to do is “help”, right?

To write good about the political party in charge, while admonishing the others.

Despite people knowing all too well how the games are played.

So at the end of the day, all I’m saying is before putting your trust into politicians, look around you.

Now that it’s Biden, you say it’s a senate whatnot problem. Back when it was Trump, everyone blamed just him, as if he was the only one in charge.

Which is it after all? Is it a single person problem or a problem of senate/president/everyone else?

See what I mean?

Anyway... I’ll stop here. I am sure this thing won’t be understood in its true nature so I won’t bother anymore.

All I know is at the end of the day I have my conscience clean, no matter what.

So yeah, hope that answered your question. Basically to sum it up in Romania it’s the same shit as it is in other countries, only adapted locally, ofc.

But it’s still there to divide people, at the end of the day, so that’s that.

#politics #us politics #romanian politics

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fatesdeepdive · 3 years

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Entry 14: Groans of Increasing Discomfort

Heading back to the castle, it seems I’ve accumulated a ton of new buildings to buy. I can buy a statue of Mozu which probably costed more than her entire village, a ballista and shuriken launcher to use in castle battles, a bunch of puppets to give me nightmares (they fight for you in castle battles too I guess), a shop to buy new units (both generics and clones of the soldiers I already have), and a hot spring. Because fanservice. You can run into other units in there, everyone is in their underwear and blushing, half of the decisions that were made in this game’s development were solely for the sake of horniness, yada yada yada. I actually tried to leave and the game stopped me, because Sakura was showing up and it’s necessary to get that bath time with the teenage girl. The hot springs does have a use, admittedly, but it won’t become apparent for a few chapters.

Support: Lady Corrin/Reina

C: Corrin sees Reina talking to an old man and asks her about it. Reina explains that he reminds her of her parents, who cut her out of their life when she became a soldier. And also, apparently, don’t give a shit about her being the personal retainer to the goddamn Queen. Actually, wait, hold on. Where the hell was Reina when Mikoto got blown up? You know what? Her parents should be ashamed of her, she’s a terrible bodyguard.

B: Corrin tells Reina she should visit her parents. Which makes sense; Corrin points out that she’s an orphan and wishes for any relationship with a parent, no matter how strained. Reina tells Corrin that she became a soldier because she really, really, really likes killing people. Corrin volunteers to find out how Reina’s parents are doing.

A: Corrin tells Reina that her parents are doing fine. Reina retcons the last conversation by revealing that she became a soldier to protect her family’s peasants. Nowadays, though, it’s all about that murder.

Review: This one was fine. Corrin wanting to help Reina is a nice bit of characterization, but there isn’t much more to say about this one.

Now, you may be wondering why I referred to Corrin as Lady Corrin in the last bit. Reina actually has completely different supports depending on Corrin’s sex. Most characters have identical supports with Corrin, or if not that just minor dialogue changes (For example, Camilla and Laslow, off the top of my head). But characters like Reina, who can only support Corrin, get two conversations. I suppose it’s for the best, considering those characters would otherwise be incredibly out of focus as opposed to merely extremely out of focus.

Support: Lord Corrin/Reina

C: Corrin sees Reina carrying an apron, which weirds him out, because of the whole murder hobo thing.

B: Reina reveals her sheltered noblewoman housewife in training turned soldier backstory and says that the apron was a gift from her parents before they cut her out.

A: Reina says that her parents cried when she became a knight and that she keeps the apron out of gratitude for them.

S: Corrin, off screen, goes back to Hoshido to talk to Reina’s parents. Apparently they’re proud of her. And he asked to marry her, which she accepts, because she cannot imagine life without him. Apparently.

Review: So, these are kinda the same support? I mean, the actual words are different, but they cover the same information. It’s weird that they were split into two conversations. Whatever. The second one is better, because it gives this really fun characterization of Reina being a friendly team mom when she isn’t stabbing people so she can hear them gasp their last breaths. Also, it resolves the plotline. On the other hand, the S-Rank is really mediocre. Reina saying she relies on Corrin daily is ridiculous, given what we’ve seen. Overall, the problem with Reina is that she just has these two conversations. And one with Kanna, I guess, but that one is recycled from other characters. If Reina was a more fleshed out character that interacted with other characters, she might work as a character. But, as it stands, all she has is her recruitment and two mediocre supports.

Support: Hinata/Takumi

C: Hinata kicks down the door to Takumi’s room so he can tell him that he’s going to start a fighting tournament so he can beat people up.

B: Hinata beats people up.

A: Hinata reveals that he’s beating people up to cheer up Takumi, because Takumi looks happy when he cheers him on. I feel like he could have, I don’t know, asked Takumi how to cheer him up in advance instead of just assuming and doing something he said he didn’t want, but whatever. The two bond over Hinata beating people up.

Review: I think this one helped me hone in on why a lot of Fire Emblem supports don’t work. Supports are, by their very nature, just dialogue. So, when you get a support like this, that relies heavily on something happening, it ends up as telling not showing. That’s why the best supports rely on dialogue rather than explain something that happened off screen.

Support: Kagero/Saizo

C: Kagero and Saizo get into an argument over how to train royal guards, with Kagero pointing out that Saizo’s hard as nails “be ready to die for the monarchy” speech just stressed people out. Saizo blames the new recruits for being inexperienced.

B: Saizo endangers the life of his men to succeed on a mission and Kagero calls him out on it. Saizo points out that victory requires sacrifice and war is unforgiving. The two of them point out that they’ve had this exact argument again and again, and it’s the reason they broke up when they were dating.

A: Kagero and Saizo win a big battle together and admit that they work well together.

S: Saizo points out that their relationship failed because they kept trying to change each other and forgot that they loved each other. The two of them decide to give it another shot.

Review: This one has a much more solemn and reserved tone than most supports, which helps it stand out. It isn’t great, but it has a good tone and I actually don’t dislike Saizo and Kagero as a couple. Them being a flawed couple that broke up over their differences, then trying it again after maturing and becoming more rounded people is a lot more realistic than most relationships in this game.

Birthright Chapter 12: Dark Reunion

The gang arrives in Cyrkensia, a city in Nestra, a country that I forgot existed because this is the only part of the game where it is mentioned. Cyrkensia is a popular vacation spot with a big opera house that appeared in the intro.

A kitsune named Kaden goes up to the party and explains that he’s in town to repay a favor to someone. This introduction feels like when you introduce a new player halfway through a D&D campaign and they quickly explain their deal after walking up to the party.

Kaden introduces his friend Layla, who explains that she’s a singer at the opera house, but can’t perform tonight because her mother is dying. Also she’s singing for King Garon, the evil king who is on vacation a week after starting a brutal war. Azura volunteers to perform in Layla’s steed so the party can do some patricide. Now, you may be thinking, did the game do the stupid trope of having Azura and Layla look identical? Surprisingly, no, they didn’t. Everything else about this chapter is so cliche I assumed they would, but they actually remembered Zola has illusion magic that the party never uses. Also, because we helped the person Kaden has to help, he now owes us a favor, and will totally kill dozens of soldiers in a war he doesn’t give a shit about if we ask him to.

Kaden

Kaden is a Kitsune, this game’s equivalent of Laguz or Taguel from past games. He wields a special weapon called a Beast Stone that allows him to fight by turning into a big ass fox. His personal skill heals units who heal him. He’s a glass canon who does extra damage to cavalry, giving him an interesting niche. His human design is fine, but not remarkable. His fox design is cool, especially regarding the blue fire that floats around him; that said, the spikes on the legs are weird. Personality wise, he seems to be a go lucky idiot who stumbled into joining us.

When the party arrives at the opera house, Corrin notices Elise, who looks sad. Azura, who doesn’t look like Layla for the player, goes on stage. Azura sings the only song she knows, the magic one that breaks mind control, which makes Garon...groan in increasing discomfort, which makes me also feel discomforted. Also Azura does a bunch of crazy water magic, which is a bit extra.

Garon orders his troops to capture us, because Zola betrayed us. Gasp. Shocking. Zola does admittedly beg Garon to spare us. Garon kills him for even suggesting it, right in front of his young daughter, because Garon is a cartoon supervillain. Zola dies begging Corrin to forgive him and Garon calls Corrin weak for having sympathy. Takumi threatens to kill Garon, but Corrin points out that they need to leave if they want to live. Which is smart; Garon has ridiculously high stats.

This battle sees our units fighting on boats floating in the opera house, which is a cool setting for a battle. On turn three, some reinforcements arrive. Xander, who’s still pissed about the whole traitor thing. With him are Peri, a cavalier with cotton candy hair, and...is that Inigo? That’s Inigo, from Awakening. That’s fucking Inigo! What is Inigo doing here, and more importantly, why is he working for the very obviously evil bad guys?

There’s a Dragon Vein you can use to freeze all the water, which would make this level easier, if it wasn’t already a broken easy level. To beat this level, you need to get Corrin to a specific spot. Corrin can’t walk on water, so you need to fight through an onslaught of tough enemies. There’s just one problem: Hinoka or Subaki can carry Corrin directly to the end. I fought the enemies, because why not, but I didn’t have to.

I ignored Garon because he’s able to one shot literally every unit in my army, but I did decide to take on team Xander. Side note, I looked up Garon’s battle quote after the fact, and he says this to Corrin: “I may not be your father, but I will slap you down like a child.” I take back everything bad I ever said about Garon.

Peri, as it turns out, is a sadistic sociopath, because Nohr. Inigo...excuse me, Laslow, blushes when we stab him. And Xander steals Inigo’s famous crit quote from the Princess Bride.

Peri and Laslow went down easy, but Xander was almost as bad as Garon. Even with his bonus against cavalry, Kaden only did one point of damage per hit. I had to resort to the classic strategy of throwing disposable soldiers at him until he was weak enough for Corrin to Dragonstone.

This was a great map, with a creative setting, multiple ways to approach it, tough bosses, and an exploit that makes it completely skippable. Still, it’s the only Birthright chapter with a creative goal, so it deserves a little credit.

After escaping the opera house, Xander chases after us, despite being defeated ten seconds earlier. Elise gets in his way, telling him that if he’s going to fight someone, he should fight her. As Corrin runs, Xander warns that it is her destiny to fight him.

After escaping Xander again, Corrin finds Azura collapsed on the ground, exhausted. She’s going to die at the end of the game, isn’t she?

#xander fe #azura fe #corrin fe #kaden fe #garon fe #elise fe #takumi x hinata #saizo x fe #corrin x reina #saizo fe #kagero fe #wifi sucks so late

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jupitermelichios · 4 years

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So I decided to rewatch Suicide Squad and I have some thoughts...

This isn’t really a review so much as it’s just a series of thoughts and impressions. I will say that while it’s still one of the worst made films I’ve ever seen, it’s never boring, which is by far the biggest sin a film can commit. It’s bullshit but it’s consistently interesting bullshit which makes it better than something like Fant4stic, which is as bad and incoherant but also just incredibly dull. I don’t think this could ever have been a good film, there was too much massively wrong with it before shooting even started to have been salvagable, but I do think it could have been a lot more coherant if it hadn’t been for the reshoots, re-edits, re-edits of re-edits and all the the other stuff that happened to it post production. Unlike something like BvS, I get why some people liked this one.

On that note, while I am going to end on a few possitives this basically a roast so if you don’t want to read about a film getting picked apart, this probably won’t be your jam. But if like me you find critiques of bad movies cathartic, read on. I’m not the first person to do this, but I’ve spotted some stuff I haven’t seen anyone else talk about so hopefully there’ll be something new for you.

All the dialogue is just slightly off in a way that’s hard to pin down, in the way that a lot of comprehensible stuff written by computers and neural networks is just slightly off. It’s got that phishing email or pornbot quality to it. Literally the fourth or fifth line in the film is Griggs saying about the prison rations, “...Everything a growing young man needs like you”, which isn’t nonsense, but is clearly wrong, and a lot of the lines have that quality to them.

In a similar vein, Deadshot’s daughter is written like she’s five or six, but the actress looks about twelve. I actually went and checked how old she was when this released, because I know white people are often wildly bad at judging the ages of black kids and I’m bad at judging ages in general, but no, she was 12 or 13 when this was shot, so why’s she written like a toddler? She doesn’t give a good performance (which is not the actresses fault, Will Smith barely gives a good performance in this and he can do this shit in his sleep, there’s no way a kid could have risen above the terrible script and direction) which makes it even worse, because you’ve got this pre-teen delivering dialogue written for a kindergardener in a way that feel like it’s maybe the first time she’s ever seen the script, and it makes what is otherwise one of the most competant scenes in the movie feel just as off as everything else.

The Joker. A lot of people have written a lot about Leto’s Joker but I want to add two things to the discussion I haven’t seen talked about much before. Firstly, before the electro-shock torture and acid bath, he and Harley have no romance. Like, explicitly, there is no romance, or even cammeraderie there. He’s her patient. She’s his jailer. He didn’t seduce her, he just tortured her until she gave in. That’s literally shown in the film. Even after the torture when she’s now on side he still really doesn’t like her, and not in a Paul Dini BTAS he doesn’t like her but he also wants her around kind of way. He doesn’t want her in his life. He orders her to leave him alone and she fucking stalks him. That’s not even subtext, she is specifically his stalker, because apparently the solution to the relationship being abusive was to retconn Harley into also being a creep as though that somehow solves something.

Secondly, Joker isn’t smart. Not only is he no longer emotionally intelligent (and comics Joker is many terrible things but he’s probably the most emotionally intelligent character in DC, that’s a lot of what makes him so dangerous because it’s how he manipulates people) he’s not intelligent full stop. His great plan for breaking out of Arkham? Some of his goons from the outside literally just shoot their way in to get to him. Even leaving aside the fact that Arkham apparently isn’t set up to deal with that kind of violence in this world despite Batman having been opperating for a decade, that’s not a clever plan, and it’s not Joker’s plan. 'Hope some of my dudes are loyal enough to come get me’ isn’t any kind of escape plan, and nothing we see after that point suggests that this was a moment of weakness. Joker just straight up isn’t very bright in this, which is weird because that’s one of the few genuinely consistent character traits he has. He’s no Riddler, sure, but he’s really smart and that makes him hard to contain.

Ayer made Harley functionally a sex worker in this, and it doesn’t actually matter that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with sex work or that sex work is real work, because David Ayer definitely thinks there is, and also really really hates women. David Ayer hates women so goddamn much. The only thing Slipknot does in the entire film apart from die is hit a woman just for being a woman.

When Waller arrives at Belle Reve, Croc is doing push ups. And that’s fine, it’s a classic movie shorthand for ‘bored prisoner is also fit and strong’, but the actor isn’t actually doing pushups. He’s got one knee tucked under his body to support his weight, and is clearly actually just sort of bobbing his head. What I suspect happened is that the prosthetics on his arms and chest were too heavy to allow that kind of movement, which would tie up with the stiff way he holds his arms throughout the film, but he’s not even bothering to pretend very hard and it adds to this pervading sense of off-kilter wrongness the film has.

Rick Flagg is supposed to be ‘the best special forces opperative this country has’, but he’s... really bad? He’s no use in any of the fights, he’s incapable of working with a team and has zero interpersonal skills, and when he’s assigned to be a bodyguard, he immediately starts fucking his client which is like, bodyguarding rule 1. He’s really bad at his job. (Which would be fine if the explanation was that he’s a fucking psychopath who’s 100% willing to just murder a civilian in the line of duty, but he’s meant to be Hannibal Smith more than Dirty Harry, and also if he is here because he’s a psychopath, why did Amanda Waller assume June Moon would be into that?!) He even has to be blackmailed into joining the opperation, so he’s incompetent, unprofessional, causes unecessary conflict, and isn’t even loyal to the project, so why him and not, I don’t know, literally any other character?

On the subject of June Moon, she goes (alone) on an archeological dig in a rainforest somewhere, finds a cave full of human remains and ancient artefacts, and literally her first action is to deliberately smash one of the artefacts, presumably just to see what would happen? IDK! We never get any explanation for that, but it’s definitely meant to be deliberate and not accidental when she smashes it! Why are archeologists in movies all so terrible?!

People have joked a lot about the fact that the movie changes the purpose of the squad from ‘plausibly deniable black ops, especially on American soil’, to ‘punching Superman’ but kept Captain Boomerang on the team, but there is actually an explanation given. A really really stupid explanation. Amanda Waller says that he’s there because ‘he faced down a metahuman and survived’, referring to him surviving being arrested. By the Flash. Who is famously non violent, and in fact in the next film in the series specifically says he’s never fought someone. So Boomer is on the team because he didn’t die when Flash picked him up and carried him to a police station, and Amanda Waller thinks that’s some kind of achievement. Like that isn’t the case for literally everyone the Flash has ever caught. And Flash is a street level hero, so that’s a whole lot of muggers and purse snatchers who are apparently capable of fist fighting Superman by Waller’s logic.

(On the same note as the Joker, Waller is also now incredibly stupid, but she’s mostly stupid for plot related reasons, so it sort of gets a pass? It gets more of a pass than the Joker at least, because making him comics-smart wouldn’t have necessatitated changing anything else about the film)

Re: Waller’s stupidity, her whole plan for recruiting El Diablo to the squad is... show him a video of him setting fire to some dudes. That’s it. She doesn’t even speak to him, she literally just holds up the video to the little window in his tank and seems surprised when that by itself isn’t enough.

And then when Flagg is like ‘hey let me try persuading him with actual arguments instead of just a weird video’, Diablo’s response is “You think you’re the first person to ask? I won’t do it. I’m a man not a weapon”, which gives us the amazing insight that in Ayer’s version of the DCU, there are apparently just... other Taskforce Xs running around. Other government agencies recruiting metahuman soldiers. So what exactly was the point of the half an hour or so of footage of her persuading the brass to go along with it? Because apparently they’re fine with this if every agency is doing it!

Tone? What even is tone. Griggs both has an antagonist but banter-y relationship with and brings cookies to the prisoners, but also he tortures them and is implied to be sexually abusing Harley, and like... you can’t have it both ways, Ayer. This is a one or the other situation. They can’t have a fun and jokey relationship with a man who is explicitly torturing and abusing them. Tone. You need to pick a fucking tone!

The decision to add a subplot about Deadshot being involved in a custody battle with his ex-wife was a fascinatingly terrible choice, and honestly tells you a lot about Ayer’s relationship to MRA talking points. Like, we know nothing about Deadshot’s wife except that she raised a cute well adjusted kid, so probably a pretty good parent, and that she doesn’t want her daughter to be spending time with a MASS MURDERER! So definitely a good parent! The comics just kind of handwave away Zoe’s mom most of the time, which was the right choice, because Ayer wants us to be on Deadshot’s side here, but it’s literally a choice between "a serial killer but you take credit cards” and a normal loving parent and somehow he thinks serial killer is the right answer? WTF happened in Ayer’s life that he thinks this is a choice where we side with Deadshot?! And it’s not even visitation rights or anything, Deadshot wants full custody. And the film thinks he’s in the right!

Not once, at any job I have ever had, one of which was a tourist attraction that required all visitors to wear a pass, have I ever seen someone wear a visitors pass on their sleeve. Not once. And it’s honestly such a good summary of the pervading wrongness of this film. This doesn’t feel like it was made by people. It feels like it was made by middlingly intelligent algorithms trying to pass as human.

Someone please tell me what the fuck any of this set is supposed to mean. The pose feels deliberate, but it’s not invoking anything I can see except the hanged man from the Ryder-Waite tarot deck, the halo of knives almost looks like it’s pseudo-religious imagery except that it’s not a full halo, the circle is incomplete on one side because of a broken piano, does the piano mean something? What about the babygrows, do they mean something? Does the Joker... want kids? Kill kids? Think Harley’s pregant? What the hell is any of this supposed to mean, and if, as I suspect, it was never supposed to mean anything why the fuck did they go to the trouble of making it?! What exactly does the hours this took to put together add to the movie?

David Ayer has a really weird relationship with both gang culture and latino gang culture specifically. He always feels the need to shoehorn them in somehow, and it’s this weird love-hate relationship where he apparently thinks latino gangs are so cool they have to be in everything, but is also so fucking racist he’s incapable of having a latino character who isn’t in a gang. Also in order to shoehorn them in here, he basically removed all of Joker’s henchmen (except for one scene which serves no narrative purpose) and replaced when with generic racist-stereotype LA gangs.

The fact that Griggs just hands Harley the phone in front of all the other guards and soliders was A Choice. Made even more so by the fact that Griggs never actually pay off. He gives Harley the phone, she tells him he’s “so screwed now”, and then... nothing. He’s just gone for the rest of the movie. He’s not even in the epilogue back in prison scenes.

I fucking love that the first thing Waller does is tell the world’s best assassin her real name. That is just... *chefs kiss* Everyone in this film is so fucking stupid.

I knew it was coming. I knew it was coming and I remembered the line perfectly, and I still had to stop the film because I was laughing too hard for “Ah would advise naht gettin’ killed by her, her sword traps the souls of its victims”. It’s the ‘that wizard came from the moon’ of film dialogue, and no one could have made it work, but the southern accent is really what makes that line delivery. I don’t know why, there’s just something about it in that drawl that it just endlessly hilarious.

It really is impressive how every character in this manages to be an offensive stereotype, sometimes multiple offensive stereotypes at once.

I love how Flagg’s right-hand woman is a samurai with a magical possessed sword that traps the souls of the damned who also isn’t military and refuses to speak English most of the time, but the squad are too weird for him. “You won’t believe it, this guy Boomerage, he’s got these bent stick things, and when he throws them they come back! I am freaking out, I can’t deal with this. Oh hi Katana, trap any damned souls lately?”

Harley is explicitly malicious in this in a way no other version of Harley has ever been, which is a Freudian nightmare when you combine it with her also being more sexualised than ever, and more infantalised than any version outside the Arkham games. Someone get Ayer a goddamn therapist. (Also in the vein of everyone being dumb in this, Harley is now an absolutely terrible psychiatrist and all her diagnoses are explicitly wrong, so that’s fun.)

The fucking pink unicorn-bundle of money switcheroo. There’s nothing to say on it that hasn’t already been said but holy shit. How do you fuck something up that bad? How? It’s like looking into Chekov’s nightmares and finding a pink stuffed unicorn staring back.

I love the way the soliders just come and go in this. Are they dead, are they alive, have they abandonned the cause? Why the fuck knows? Certainly not the editors!

I love how we’re supposed to be really sad about El Diablo being dead, but not care that Croc is seemingly directly underneath the explosion and definitely about to die, that’s fun.

I need to know if it was Ayer or Cara Delavigne’s choice to make Enchantress be just.. doing a little dance. Duing all the ‘tense’ moments. Because there are probably things which undercut tension more than the bad guy having a bit of boogy, but not many.

Enchantress gets so many costume changes, and I want to believe that they’re all from different versions of the film but I honestly think it was deliberate and I need someone on in the design department for this movie to tell me why because it add nothing.

I think the best thing about the stupidly on the nose liscenced soundtrack is that it just disappears once they arrive in Midway city. After spirit in the sky it’s original music all the way until the final scene. The great soundtrack DC stans insist this film has is literally only in the first 50 minutes and the last 2 of a 2hr+ movie.

The glorification of abuse in this is... seriously fucking something else. Twilight doesn’t have a patch on this. 50 Shades of Grey doesn’t have a patch on this. This shit is disgusting, and the fact that they pushed so hard to get it a child friendly rating is just morally bankrupt.

Possitive note to end on:

The dialogue is way too on the nose and exposition dump-y but the scene in the bar works pretty well. It fulfils its role in the story, and gives us a decent dose of team bonding.

Deadshot and Harley have great chemistry, and Boomer is perfectly cast, in a way that makes me really hopeful for James Gunn’s take on the team. A writer who knows how to write friendships could do a lot with the three of them, and they’ve been the core squad since 2011 so they’re the ones who matter. It probably helps that whatever Will Smith’s faults as an actor, you could cast him opposite a housebrick and they’d somehow have great chemistry.

#suicide squad #roasting suicide squad #bad movies #you could build whole academic careers just talking about all the things that went wrong in the production of this film #and some of it was studio interferance for sure #but a lot of it was ayer being incompetant #and trailerpark being incompetant #and kate hawley somehow being incompetant despite being fine on other movies #likewise john gilroy the creditted editor #lindsay graham and Mary Vernieu doing the worst jobs of their respective careers #i'm glad this movie didn't tank the careers of the creatives #and so upset it didn't tank the career of david ayer #how can you write this and fucking Bright and still have a job as a writer #how

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briinstardust · 4 years

Text

Part 2.

The monster, calls Evan, with the offer from the City. Buck goes over there, and the monster informs him the city wants to settle, he writes down a number on a piece of paper, and the monster, is confused by Evan’s shock.

“This is all they’re offering?” Evan says and the disappointment on his entire face is astonishing. He then launches into telling the monster, the only reason he did this was to get his job back. He wants to go back to work for the LAFD. He doesn’t want their money.

to which I think to myself, Evan why? why did you think you could take this on on your own, or that you even needed to take this on on your own? Evan why are you here?

“I did this so I could go back to doing what I love, to be back with my team.” is how Evan responds to the monster. This by itself...I just need to reference my previous thought of, Why the actual fuck, are we here right now? Evan has said he is alone in this fight. Has completely forgotten that he’s said this apparently. His team, he says. His team. His team who consists of Eddie Diaz, Henrietta Wilson, Howie Han, and Bobby Nash. Evan wants to be back with his team. okay. um. yeah. I’m going to reference my previous thought of Why the actual fuck did you think could take this on, on your own Evan? So your team, your family even. Why were you unable to turn to them when you were going through it, and when you were up in your feelings? These people are literally the only thing he is thinking about, and I’m confused. (I’m not completely confused, we’ll get it in a bit.)

So the monster takes takes what Evan says, and responds with the reason I refer to him as a monster, and the reason I referred to him as a predator in pt 1 “You really think they’re gonna welcome you back, kid?” and there’s a bit to unpack here.

This monster calls Evan kid. This is some straight disrespect. A man who’s just paid you probably a lot of money (bc lawyers are expensive), you just called kid.

So let me get this straight. The entire time you’re working on this case, Evan looks like a kid to you. So you saw a vulnerable kid, picked at him, targeted him, made him feel some feelings with your disgusting trash mouth. This is predatory behavior. This is why this man is a monster. The monster then follows up his previous statement with, “I raked your friends, over the coals, pretty hard.”

and wow.

Evan’s response to this is “I told you that stuff in confidence, for information, not to use it against them.” and Evan says something about Attorney Client Privileged, and the monster replies with “Yeah, that doesn’t work the way you think it does.” to which I must reference back to my question of Why the actual fuck did you think, you could take this on, on your own? These are absolutely huge life decisions, and you didn’t even think you could talk to your sister about this shit? Excuse me Evan Buckley, what the fuck?

The monster says they’ve won and Evan should be happy. Evan’s response to this is “This doesn’t feel like winning.” and the monster replies, “it’s probably as close as you’re ever gonna get” and I am going to say I don’t think I’ve ever seen Evan Buckley look more disappointed in himself in 3 entire seasons, than he looks in this scene right here.

So we’re about to get into the grocery store scene, but before I do that, I need a moment to stop, and wonder what this story line was actually for. I need a minute to stop and think about who this story line was for. I need a moment to wonder what this story line accomplishes. What is the actual purpose of this story line? Why is this story line here?

Now that I’ve taken that moment.

“I just think Bobby needs to let go of being pissed off at Buck.” Henrietta Wilson, a woman, who Evan Buckley just drug though an arbitration, took time out of her whole day, time she could have been spending with her wife, a woman who has always been supportive of Buck, says. the conversation continues with, “I know that, and so does Bobby,” Howie Han, a man Evan Buckley has known for years, a man who also dates Evan Buckley’s older sister, a man Evan has called a friend, says.

So Evan’s at the grocery store 8 miles from his apartment, bc that’s where I shop for all my groceries too... and Evan says he’s come to apologize, and Holy shit.

The minute Evan says he came to apologize. Eddie’s face. wow. oh boy, wow. “Oh you came to apologize rn? Let’s hear this and it better be good.” That what that face was. Eddie says “What did you think was going to happen?”

Well I’ll tell you what Evan thought was going to happen. Evan thought he would get his job back. I’m convinced he has no idea how lawyers work, but that’s what he thought would happen. (I need to reference back to Evan’s earlier quote of “I did this so I could go back to doing what I love, to be back with my team.”)

I need to say that I don’t think I’ve ever seen Eddied Diaz as angry as he is in this scene. Understandably so. You can tell how thrown off he is by seeing Buck here, and is so uncomfortable about this entire thing, but damn is he out here with his feelings in the open.

I am going to say Evan is up in his feelings right now. maybe he’s thrown off by how upset Eddie is with him right now, but Eddie says “You told your lawyer everything about us. personal things.”

And I am left wondering if Evan is naive, because he next says, “You’re supposed to be truthful with your lawyer.”

I just don’t know if he knows what to do with the emotions that Eddie is throwing at him right now. It’s all coming at him at once and maybe he just can’t process it quick enough? But honey that was just the wrong thing to say.

Before anybody has another thought, Evan spits out, “Why are you so pissed at me right now?” to which I have to say. Holy shit. Evan Buckley’s got balls out here. Evan’s getting angry now. In the grocery store.

And excuse me, my entire chill is gone.

Really?...Really? Holy shit! Seriously? Excuse me, Evan Buckley, are you fucking listening to the people you came to apologize to? Are you fucking listening? Because Eddie said exactly why he was pissed. I’m not sure how you missed it Evan. Eddie Diaz, just said, “You told your lawyer everything about us. personal things.”

This means there were personal conversations that happened, in private, between two people, and one of those people, thought a private conversation means it stays between the conversation participants. Not it stays between the conversation participants unless your lawyer asks.

Evan Buckley does not have the right to be angry at Eddie. Evan Buckley does not have the right to be angry at Hen. Evan Buckley does not have the right to be angry at Chimney. Evan Buckley does not have the right to be angry at Lena.

“Because, you’re exhausting,” is the answer Eddie Diaz gives Evan, for Evan’s absolutely out line question of “Why are you so pissed at me right now?”

Do we need more context here? I don’t. Eddie has been going through it. Eddie has clearly been doing some emotional heavy lifting here, and couldn’t talk to his best friend about it. goddamn.

“We all have our own problems, but you don’t see us whining about it. No, somehow we just manage to suck it up. Why can’t you?” Eddie says before anyone else can get a thought in.

The look on Evan’s face, he’s crushed right now. He is so upset, and I’m still processing this absolute look, bc he is angry and disappointed and sad, and other things are written on his face rn this lip tremble that is happening. Evan has 100 different emotions rushing through his mind and body as soon as these words leave Eddie’s mouth, and he can’t process this quickly enough.

Luckily for Evan, he does not have to process that final thought, as Howie Han, Evan’s friend for many years, who also dates Evan’s older sister, supplies Eddie with, “That’s kinda harsh. It’s not like the guy asked to be crushed by a ladder truck.”

This is correct. Evan did not ask to be crushed by a ladder truck.

“No, but he filed a stupid lawsuit, and now I can’t even talk to you because of it. You know how much Christopher misses you?”

so, this is that reference I referred to in part 1. This reads like anger from hurt feelings. Eddie’s been through this arbitration, he’s been going through his own shit, he’s going through it. in the arbitration we see Eddie come off as upset, but to me it did not look like anger. This looks like anger, as a result of, “can’t even talk to you because of it” his feelings are hurt that he can’t talk to his best friend, and it’s coming out as anger.

You know how much Christopher misses you? I’m referencing back to part one again, Eddie has to deal with the fall out of Evan’s impulsive, selfish behavior and one of the things is that Eddie’s son is now upset, because he can’t see Buck.

So Eddie’s personal feelings are hurt, that Buck didn’t even think he could talk to him about something like this, and he’s upset that his son is upset, because of Buck.

“How could you? You’re not around.”

His son’s feelings are hurt, and Buck did a thing while only thinking of himself. Buck came into their lives, and got them through some times, was with them through some shit, and Buck instead of talking to Eddie or anyone about what he was going through. This man internalized all of his fucking feelings “I’m in this alone” are you fucking really? This man internalized all of his fucking feelings, filed a lawsuit and ripped himself out of all of their lives in a single moment.

Christopher needs Buck, and Eddie can’t give his son what he needs, and is rightfully angry about it.

“I didn’t realize that.”

Honey I know. You weren’t really thinking about anybody but yourself. You were up in your feelings, and mad at Bobby, and ran to a lawyer, instead of your support group. Maddie, Your sister. Eddie, your best friend. Hen, someone you’ve known for years, and who’s supported you every time it counted, Chimney, who’ve you’ve known for years, who’s bedside you sat beside and cried when you thought he wasn’t gonna make it through. These are people that you refereed to as your family, not co-workers, not friends, but your family, and you thought that you couldn’t turn to any single one of them when you got some devastating news and when you were spiraling, and when you were going through it? You couldn’t turn to your own family?

“No, it prevents me from reaching out to you, I couldn’t even call you to bail me out of jail.”

Eddie was in jail, and was only thinking of one person he wanted. He could not have the person he wanted to be with him during this time. while he was in jail. bc he was legally not allowed to contact his best friend, Evan Buckley. Someone Eddie expects to understand him, but he’s unable to contact him.

”Look, man, Why can’t you see my side of this?”

“Because that’s all you see.”

Evan did you stop and think about how what’s happening to you, isn’t just happening to you? But to those around you? Did you stop and think how you being off work is effecting people who care about you? These people your family, are now barred from contacting you. your family, is now having to take time out of their personal lives, and days, to sit in arbitration's with you and your lawyer. your family are having their private conversations exposed to lawyers.

Eddie is absolutely not wrong here. And has every right in the world to be angry with this man right now. Evan has no ground to stand on, bc he caused these feelings that Eddie is having right now. And god forbid anyone other than Evan Buckley get to have an emotional response to a situation that is upsetting.

Evan has been having emotional responses to literally everything around him, everything that happens to him, everything that happens to others around him, this entire goddamn time. the fact that Evan Buckley can sit here, see an emotional response from his best friend, and not think that maybe he needs to talk to his best friend about it. but instead, this elicits an additional emotional response from Buck. this is more telling than anything Buck’s said thus far. Evan doesn’t understand how emotions work, and needs some perspective.

“Because that’s all you see.”

#9-1-1 rewatch #9-1-1 #9-1-1 episode discussions #9-1-1 character discussions #lawsuit stuff part 2 #most of the time these are rhetorical questions but I'm sure my inbox will have some messages after this #and fine if you need to talk this out with me or at me okay. come to my inbox.#I feel like I'm saying some controversial stuff out here #I also feel like I'm out here talking some mad trash about a beloved character so I feel like I might get hate for this idk #I have to ask bc I've fucked some my own ff this way before. but when it gets this out of hand. I start the fuck over #what actually is this story line? and why is it fucking here?#text post #long text post #very long text post #long post #very long post #Evan Buckley does not have the right to be angry at anyone but Bobby and himself #now I'm probably gonna get some hate for this but ok I guess I'll have to take it #bc these are my thoughts and feelings on the matter.#um yeah this was a little harsh or very harsh

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mustardprecum · 5 years

Note

27 for harringrove please 🥺 (it’dbe appreciated if steve’s the one that’s preggers thank you!)

[27 “I’m pregnant.”]

Steve had decided to try and get pregnant. The notion came to him shortly after El’s birthday, when Steve realized that all his kids were over twenty-one. The abrupt ache of an empty nest got the ball rolling, and after more researching and reading than he’d done during any one year of school, he made his decision.

Most of the people in his life were well meaning when he told them, but also rudely disbelieving. After all, Steve was a single omega in his mid-twenties, mostly living off a trust fund from his parents and a hefty inheritance from his great aunt. Money he was very grateful for, considering he’d never be able to afford owning a house in the new development near downtown with his sporadic part time jobs.

(Good ol’ Aunt Phyllis would have been stoked to find out that he choosing to be a single parent.)

The issue with the public perception of his personality was the fact that it was largely based off the person he was in his sophomore and junior year of high school. Steve had grown and changed from the flakey teenager. One could almost say he was literally an adult.

At least Dustin supported him. Mostly.

“Steve, you can’t be serious.”

Dustin sat at the island in Steve’s kitchen, eating a bowl of cut up strawberries that Steve had put out for him. Old habits die hard, and Steve had been one of the few people who could get a young Dustin to eat his fruits and vegetables. “I mean of all the people in Hawkins, in the world, why him?”

Earl grey tea was kind of gross, but Steve was trying to stop drinking coffee for his caffeine fix. He took his time stirring in a packet of stevia while he considered his answer.

Billy Hargrove had come along in Steve’s senior year of high school and had promptly become a massive pain in the ass. Although, one thing that set him apart from all the other alpha meatheads was the fact that his taunts and jabs were purely personal for Steve, and never once did he resort to misogyny.

God, the bar had been so low at that time.

Over the past ten years, Billy had mellowed out slightly but noticeably. He worked at the mechanic Steve frequented for oil changes and tune ups, and lived in the periphery of Steve’s life because of his association with Max. And he still seized every opportunity to try and rile Steve up by getting in his personal space and commenting on his ‘ugly’ shirts.

(Steve didn’t know when Billy developed a hatred of polo shirts, but it was apparently long lasting.)

In the grand scheme of things though, none of it mattered more than one thing: Billy’s genes. He was a dick of the massive variety but goddamn if he hadn’t spent the past ten years being the most gorgeous person Steve had ever seen in his entire life.

He smoked like a chimney and often had a beer in hand, but his skin was clear, his hair was soft, and his abs were extremely enviable.

“I don’t want to go through a clinic,” Steve started. He quickly held up his hand before Dustin could start ranting. “I’m not going to ask someone I babysat to donate. I’m not really close with any other alphas in town, and an alpha is my best bet.”

Dustin knew all of that. As a male omega, Steve would have fertility issues with a beta for scientific reasons he didn’t actually understand. Mike and Lucas had both been presented as options in Dustin’s argument, but the idea was too wrong.

“Billy is…close enough, but far enough. You know?” Steve set his mug down; he honestly didn’t want to drink his tea. “If he says yes, working on inception will be pretty easy. If he says no, it’s not really a big deal. We’re not friends, so it won’t have to be awkward.”

Privately, Steve assured himself that it had nothing to do with the crush he used to have on Billy. Therefore, it wasn’t inappropriate to ask.

“But he’s such a tool,” Dustin said around a mouthful of strawberries. “Do you think he won’t be a tool about it?”

“God. I know he’s going to be a tool about it. But,” Steve shrugged. “Just think of how cute my baby would be.”

Dustin raised an eyebrow.

“I would have a really cute baby, Dustin. And you would have a really cute little baby pseudo-sibling.”

Poor Dustin, the only child, twenty-three and still wanting that younger sibling. He perked up, still looking skeptical but finally chewing quietly.

“Plus, it’s all going to be in a contract. No parental or financial obligation,” Steve added to sweeten the deal. “I’ll get a positive test, pay him, and he’ll fuck off to wherever he spends his time.”

Dustin hummed, drumming his fingers on the table. “I’m still godfather?”

“Obviously.”

“Okay,” Dustin bounced, smiling broadly. He was excited for a baby, and when he smiled, he looked like a cheetah cub. “Well, Max said she’d text you his number so…good luck?”

“Thanks.”

Sending the text was nerve-wracking, even though all he sent was ‘can we get lunch?’ Steve had put his phone face down and tried to distract himself with scrolling through reddit and Tumblr, but waiting for a response was even worse than sending the message.

He’d followed up with several messages explaining who he was, once it occurred to him that Billy probably had no idea who was texting him. Eventually, Billy finally responded telling Steve to stop blowing up his fucking phone.

Despite Steve’s fears of Billy’s attitude after that response, he was invited to a Starbucks in between their homes. Steve distantly recalled Max mentioning that she was envious of the studio apartment that Billy was renting over a storefront. How privileged was he that he couldn’t imagine having the same room functioning as the bedroom/living room/public space?

Billy was already there when Steve arrived. He was sipping a green frappucino and staring down at his phone.

The last time Steve had seen Billy even in passing was the month before during the Hopper family’s Fourth of July party. He was even more gorgeous than Steve remembered even looking a little grimey like he’d come straight from work.

“Hey,” he approached the table, trying to smile when Billy’s blue eyes snapped up. “Thanks for meeting me. Mind if I grab a drink real quick?”

“Depends, pretty boy,” Billy leaned back, smiling in that special way that gave Steve a major sexuality crisis in high school. “Why did you ask me out?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Steve whipped his head around as if anyone else cared about the two of them meeting up. No one was looking. He sat down heavily and sighed. “I’m…I have a favor to ask. But I kind of wanted to ease into asking.”

“Interesting,” Billy drawled. “What could ‘King Steve’ possibly want from little ol’ me.”

“I’m almost thirty, Billy. Please don’t call me that.” Steve looked down at his hands, maybe this was a bad idea. There was no way Billy would agree to being a donor.

“Look Harrington, I’m leaving in five minutes so spit it out.”

“Oh come on,” Steve whined, bouncing his leg. “It’s not the sort of thing you just spit out!”

Billy slurped loudly at his drink. “You want me to murder someone?”

“Obviously not. Kind of…the opposite?” Steve winced when his voice went squeaky toward the end. He cleared his throat, deciding to continue because Billy had wrinkled his nose. “Okay, so, I used to babysit a lot and I know how to take care of kids. I miss taking care of kids. And, well, I have money and time, right?”

“Right,” Billy said blankly.

“Right,” Steve nodded and took a deep steadying breath. “So I’ve decided that I want to start a family. With a baby. And me. Single.”

Bringing up starting a family generally brought up the question of Steve finding someone to settle down with. The issue was that he didn’t want a partner or a romantic relationship; he didn’t feel that having a child should presuppose finding a mate.

“But I need a sperm donor and, uh, well,” Steve’s nerves were completely frayed at that point. Which was probably why he ended doing the saddest jazz hands.

The blank look was gone and Billy’s eyes were practically sparkling, which Steve translated as trouble. He bit his lip, knee still bouncing noisily under the table.

“A donor,” Billy practically purred. “You want me to get you pregnant.”

When he phrased it like that, Steve couldn’t help but blush. He cleared his throat, wishing he’d just gotten a drink before bothering to speak to Billy so that he could sip it and buy some time. “Basically. You don’t have to sleep with me, the cup method works fine.”

“And other than not-sleeping with you,” Billy sounded a little snotty. “What’s in it for me?”

Only a little mocking was infinitely better than outright refusal. And he was getting to the part Steve was actually comfortable with. “$600 for each attempt,” he said. It was a lowball, but considering it was under the table, the supplemental income wasn’t half bad. “I’m tracking my cycle, so we’d only need to try about two days each month.”

“And after?”

Steve paused. “After inception I’ll give you an extra thousand.”

“No, I mean once you’re pregnant, how does it work?” The serious look on Billy’s face was unnerving. Steve was briefly worried that he was about to say he wanted to stay in the picture. “You know how to take care of kids that don’t go home at the end of the day?”

“Does anyone?”

Billy’s face hardened. “You don’t just have a kid on a whim, Harrington,” he said lowly. “Can you actually take care of one for the rest of your life?”

Living in a town like Hawkins and having a direct relationship with Max meant Steve was familiar with the Hargrove family history. How Billy’s mother abandoned him, how his father abused him, how long he’d lived in that toxic place before finally escaping and taking Max with him when it seemed Neil was turning on her as well.

Despite how horrible that was, Steve couldn’t help the warm feeling in his chest.

“I don’t yell, I don’t believe in corporal punishment, and I’m on book four of twenty on my parenting book reading list.” He didn’t add that they were all audiobooks because he had such a hard time reading. “I wouldn’t try to have a baby if I wasn’t ready to do everything I could to give them a good life.”

Steve hoped his face was as open as he wanted it to be as Billy searched him. Of all the reactions he expected, this hadn’t been one. It made him feel better about Billy as a candidate.

Finally, Billy slurped his frappucino again and grinned wolfishly. “When do we start?”

Continued on AO3

#harringrove #mpreg #a/b/o dynamics #sorry this took me so long #Anonymous #mp answers

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lifeinahole27 · 4 years

Text

Oh Man... Here we go...

Okay so! I probably said a while ago that I was gonna do a bunch of shit that I never ended up doing! Well! There’s an explanation for all of that.

Let’s start with a quick recap:

At the very end of July, one of my coworkers no call/no showed and quit. Well, there was this whole shit-crazy story that came out as her “reasoning” but it was all total bullshit and long story short, she gone. THANK GOODNESS. She was the worst. There were more shifts than I can accurately count that I spent hours trying to fix her total bullshit mistakes that she shouldn’t have still been making after six months on the job. Stuff that she was expected to do every single day and mark it off on a checklist that just wasn’t getting done, or wasn’t getting done properly. Like I said, total bullshit.

So she’s gone, and was the last pin that my supervisor would take all her angry frustrations out on. Okaaaay, so what ends up happening? Her attentions shift. And to start, it shifted to me and another of my coworkers, who I’ll name T. T and I both got chewed out one day for not handing over the phone when the gentleman asked for a manager. Now, previously, we’d been told that we should make our own decisions and we needed to stop looking at her for guidance. Kay! So I answered this call and asked if they wanted to be transferred to our GM’s mailbox. She flipped her shit at us, told us we don’t view her as management, that we don’t respect her... Blah blah blah. So I go and apologize and tell her that I do respect her and she’s the one I am always turning to when I need any kind of help or guidance. Chilly, she accepts, but I know right then and there that this is fractured and it’s either going to mend in a bit of time or completely break apart.

Guess which one happened! Over the next six months, things go to absolute shit, and in that same amount of time, I put out what has to be something close to 60 applications at other hotels, at offices, every-fucking-place that sounds good, pays well, and that I’m qualified for. All of it. I legit made it rain with my resume if that’s even possible when it’s digital.

Out of all of those applications, I get something less than 10 callbacks. Which is downright fucking disappointing. But somewhere in there I must’ve reblogged the right “you’ll get good news!” post or my mom’s prayers were answered or the universe heard my sister getting ready to fight it for me to get a new job.

All throughout this, my supervisor is going back and forth on this emotional roller coaster bullshit. One day she’s like BFFS and the next she’s literally throwing things around the front desk in anger and screaming about things that I probably had nothing to do with. One day there was a trailer in our parking lot (don’t even get me started on that policy or I’ll scream) and she’s like WHY IS THAT THERE and I snapped back that the GM was the one to OK it.

All through this time, also, I was trying to keep my cool. To make it out without getting bitched at or screamed at or really to have her pay any attention at all to me because I was sick of it. She was instrumental in pushing me into several anxiety or panic issues, and I just wanted out. I have a post screencapped from some moment where she posted a meme on her FB about how she wishes her coworkers would do their fucking jobs when legit all of us try harder than I’ve seen her try since I started over a year ago.

In any case. A bunch of those callbacks all came in at the same time. One was for a hotel in the middle-of-goddamn-nowhere Ohio, one was for a hotel down an hour away, and one was for a sales position with a company one of my buddies works for.

The sales position would’ve been double my current yearly salary and it was in a city I wanted to work in. But the phone tag was taking a week between each call, basically, and by the time he returned my call the one time, I’d already interviewed and decided to accept one of the other job offers. The hotel in Ohio would’ve been an Assistant General Manager position which is what I originally applied to be out at my current hotel. But it was seriously in the middle of nowhere. I couldn’t do it. The apartment that I’d scoped before the interview just in case was next to a house that had a confederate goddamn flag outside of it. Nope. Absolutely not.

And then there’s the one an hour away, which I ultimately ended up accepting last Friday. I’m going to be doing the same job as my supervisor, at higher pay, at a bigger hotel, in a city. Yeah, that does feel pretty good, especially when she essentially threw a three day tantrum over the fact that I’d gotten a different job and had put in my notice.

This includes posting up on her FB literally minutes after she must’ve found out: “I don’t think I have ever been this angry before.”

I found out later through grapevine that T overheard the GM telling supervisor that she had to stop being angry that I’d gotten a job and was leaving. Again, yeah, it feels good.

SO! What does all this mean? Well, my life is about to become an absolute shitshow. I had to cancel going back to Enchanted con this year, which has been an absolute heartbreak. I also had and lost the opportunity to go to Boston for Ace Comic Con all in one shot. As the lineup keeps beefing up, I get sadder and sadder about what happened to my prospects for conventions this year, but I’m hopeful that a) there will be other comic-cons in the future that I can attend and b) that Jen and Colin will reunite at another convention that I’ll have the time and funds to attend. It would be super cool if it was in the US... Just putting that into the universe and hoping for a good time.

But the good news is, that any money I didn’t spend on those two things is getting set aside for moving out of my parents’ house. And while it’s still a couple months away, it’s gonna be pretty spectacular to have my independence back and be on my own again.

The bad news is that all this shit, including holiday depression, the death of a close friend’s father, the general downs and downs and downs of life, all pushed me to the brink with my writing. I am finally down to the last four or so scenes in my rewrite and I only took a breather (I’m at work right now) to write up this post because it’s all been dying to break out of me to talk about all of this. I’m going right back to it in a moment because I am so fucking determined to finish this fic if it kills me. And if I don’t, my beta will kill me, so it all works out in the end!

But the rest of the future is very unclear right now. I still have holiday fic bits I want to post up and soon, and of course this rewrite will enter edits after tomorrow. I’m going to have a solid week off between ending my current job and starting the new one, so I hope to get a bunch done both online and offline. We’ll go from there on everything else, though.

So look for some stuff to be posted soon, and just a general Thank You to all of you who are still here, who still read my posts - whether they are fic or not - and for the support, love, encouragement, kind words, props, and everything else. I legit don’t know where I’d be without any and all of you out there that have done something to help keep me up in a world of downs.

I hope to be able to post writing soon, right around the corner, so I hope you’ll enjoy it when it gets here.

#sarah for life stuff #there's a lot in here so like... watch out for depressing shit in some areas #that's a good warning isn't it?

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langdvnshepherd · 5 years

Text

Headcanons: Being pregnant with Duncan Shepherd’s baby (Duncan Shepherd x fem!reader)

Word count: 3.4k (let’s just say I got a lil carried away)

Warnings: fem!reader, pregnancy, morning sickness, mentions of smut, breeding/pregnancy kink, childbirth, lil bit of angst, tons of fluff

A/N: Hello everyone this is the first thing I have ever written, like ever. I am a hoe for domesticity, so this was obviously my first choice. If you have a second, please let me know what you think! I’ve only recently made a blog after months of stalking the tags on my main blog, so I’d love it if you guys can give me any feedback on whether or not this is any good lol. Also, not that anyone would...but if you guys ever want me to write anything I will GLADLY do so I am at home bored most of the time so.......let a hoe kno!

Let’s be honest, the baby is NOT planned in any way, shape, or form

Never in Duncan’s life did he see himself having kids

He always saw himself as the type of guy that would work at his family’s company and sleep around with hot girls until he died

Until he met you

You worked for a media company in D.C. that sent you to an event for The Shepherd Foundation very much against your will

He saw you sitting at the bar keeping to yourself and thought you were the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen

He made it his goal to see that you went home with him at the end of the night

But you weren’t giving into his flirting as easily as he’d hoped

That boy tried literally everything in the book to turn you to putty in his hands, but you weren’t buying any of it

You played along with his unapologetic attempts to woo you, letting him think it was working

(It lowkey was definitely working, but you knew better than to get involved with Duncan Shepherd of all people)

You curved his ass right as he leaned in to kiss you

Turning your head away from his that was slowly moving in on yours to whisper in his ear

“It’s late, I should probably get going. See you around?” with the biggest shit-eating grin you could muster

Duncan’s face was immediately bright red

He had never been so turned on in his life at a woman playing him the way you did

He sought you out at every event he goes to after that

You’d give him a flirty wave or raise of your glass to him from across the room the next few times you saw him, always meeting up eventually to taunt each other again and again

After a torturous game of cat-and-mouse you finally went home with him one night and had the hottest sex of your entire life

He wrecked your shit

We’re talking zipper on the back of your dress is destroyed, bruises on your hips, hickeys on your boobs, you had a slight limp for a day or two

Duncan teased you as you hopped out of his bed and winced as your legs made their way across his room to grab your clothes

Since your dress was basically in two pieces after Duncan ripped it off of your body the night before, he insisted that you go home in one of his t-shirts and a pair of his sweatpants

“Gives me an excuse to see you again when you return them, right?”

You only intended it to be a one-off thing, but you found yourself thinking about him often

What it would be like to wake up next to him every day

What it would feel like to have his arm around you in public

If you two ever had kids, what would they look like?

Duncan also quickly realized that he liked you more than just for sex, which scared him

As we have discussed, the boy is only known for a quick fuck and not an actual relationship

After a handful of bootycalls, you agreed to start seeing each other more frequently

Definitely still for sex, but occasionally just for dinner or to watch a movie at each other’s place

It took months of casual sleepovers and you each having your own drawer at each other’s apartment to come to the agreement that you were officially dating

Before you knew it, you’d been together for 5 years and couldn’t picture your lives without each other

The day you both find out you’re pregnant, he finds you in your bedroom pacing up and down the floor

Immediately knows something is wrong but you won’t give in and tell him what’s up

You finally responded to his pleading by gesturing to the bathroom with a tilt of your head – too afraid to say the words out loud just yet

Poor buddy probably had to sit down when he sees the test sitting on the counter

“What are we gonna do?”

“I have no fucking clue.” your voice barely above a whisper

You two were practically married at this point after being together for so long

Neither of you could see yourselves with anyone else

But you still had goals, both in life and in your careers

Sure, babies were bound to come

They just weren’t something either of you would have even considered for at least a few more years

Is still extremely supportive and lets you know he wants whatever you want

In all honesty, you couldn’t really think of a valid reason to not keep the baby

You still had some things you wanted to get done before settling down and having kids, but you loved Duncan and knew that he was it for you

You’d always assumed you’d have kids eventually, so having them early was just a small hiccup

But on the other hand, you two hadn’t talked about having kids apart from passing comments when you gushed over a cute baby that passed by on the street

You weren’t sure if Duncan was ready, but you knew that you could be if you had to be

Swallows hard when you tell him you want to keep it, not because he doesn’t want the baby, but because he knows his life is about to go through some big changes

Holds you close and kisses the top of your head

“I love you, okay? Whatever happens, we’re gonna be okay.”

He didn’t really know if it would be, but he loves you too much to have to think about you worrying

Looking back, that little moment in your shared bathroom was one that you both would never forget

He’s very hesitant at first but quickly warms up to the idea of having a baby with you

In th beginning, he’d grow kinda distant

He wouldn’t know how to act around you now knowing that you’re pregnant

It wouldn’t be anything too dramatic, just a few awkward silences here and there when he isn’t sure what to say or do

You two usually have a glass of wine at dinner and as he’s offering it to you he pauses in his tracks and is just like “…..Oh, right. I forgot. Never mind.” giving you a small, playful smile, but it reeked of sarcasm and somewhat of disdain

He probably makes excuses to not have sex because he doesn’t want to think about there being a baby inside of you while he’s pounding you into the mattress

He’d think you wouldn’t notice his reluctance but you would

It bothers you

Makes you second guess your decision

You were deadset at this point on keeping the baby, so maybe being with Duncan wasn’t going to work out

You bite your tongue though

You trusted that Duncan would come to you if he was ever doubting staying with you through the pregnancy

But those dark thoughts haunted you in the quiet of the night

Avoids touching your stomach for a while

Snuggling your front into his chest instead of spooning so he doesn’t have to hold your belly

The reality is still foreign and unfamiliar to him and he really just doesn’t know what the fuck to do about it

He hates that he acts this way, but he couldn’t avoid his lurking feelings

Probs doesn’t sleep well for a while

Let’s be honest he’s scared out of his goddamn mind and doesn’t think he could possibly ever be a good father but he loves you so much that he’s praying to god the idea of having a kid will get easier

Holds your hair when you’re getting your shit wrecked by morning sickness

No amount of vomit chunks could make you unattractive to him

Figures the best thing he can do in the situation is just to be there for you

He helps you into the shower to rinse off and crawls back into bed with you after

Sometimes he calls out of work when you’re feeling extra shitty just so he can be there for you

Let me drill this into your mind that this boy is s c a r e d

I’d think Duncan switches into protective dad mode when something drastic happens like you start spotting or bleeding really badly and think you’re having a miscarriage and have to go to the hospital

That’s when reality actually hits him and he’s like there’s a baby in there that’s alive and I helped create them and after that he starts to be more comfortable with you being pregnant

Thankfully everything is good and the baby is perfect

When you come home from the hospital late that night and get into bed, he lets out a huge sigh into your hair and reaches his hands under your shirt to finally wraps his arms around your belly

Once again, he probably didn’t think you’d notice

But you definitely did

He had never really fully embraced the idea of you being pregnant, but the thought of potentially losing the baby was enough for him to get his shit together

Even though you’d barely be showing, he rubs his thumb along your stomach comfortingly until you both fall asleep

For once, he slept peacefully that night knowing that both of his babies were alive and well

From then on, he becomes a lot more loving and caring towards you and the baby

And also gets so fucking excited thinking about a mini-you or mini-him running around the house?? Sign him UP!

Keeps the ultrasound sonograms in his wallet/frames them and peaks at them while he’s working

Is probably more in tune with your pregnancy than you are

“Did you know that the baby is the size of a grapefruit now? Next week it’ll be the size of a rutabaga.”

“No, Dunc, I didn’t know that. That’s nice. Can we please go to sleep now? I’m tired.”

He used to greet you when he came home from work with a kiss on your lips

Now it’s one kiss on your lips, another on your belly

Duncan 100% talks to your stomach and no one can convince me otherwise

Especially after he feels the baby kick for the first time

You’ll both be on the couch watching some dumb re-run of a show you’ve both seen a million times and he’d lay his head down in your lap and talk to the baby while gently rubbing your belly with his hands trying to get them to start kicking

“Hi buddy! It’s your dad. Hope you’re having fun in there. I can’t wait to meet you. You get in the way of me and your mom having sex sometimes but that’s okay. I still love you so much.”

Earns a swift smack in the chest for that

You have to tell him to shut up sometimes because the baby goes nuts when he starts talking and it makes you feel like you’re gonna be sick

It’s still one of your favorite things tho let’s not play around

Most of the time, you just let him go on and on to your belly while you rub your fingers through his hair

Will literally do anything for you even if you don’t ask because not only does he love spoiling you but wants to make sure he’s doing whatever he can to help out with the baby while you’re pregnant

Wake up at 3am with a craving? He’s got his keys in his hand before you can even tell him what you want

Make a passing comment about noticing a few stretch marks? He comes home with 7 different lotions and insists on being the one to rub you down with each of them

That turns sexual but that’s an entirely different discussion for later

He hears you huffing in the bathtub about how you can’t reach your legs to shave? You bet your ass he hops in and helps you

Tries to say you don’t have to shave your legs for him and that he could care less

“Yeah, no shit. I’m not shaving my legs for you. I’m just tired of feeling my scratchy leg hair while I’m trying to sleep with no pants on.”

“…Okay….fair enough.”

Regardless of the gender, you both agree to have a neutral-themed nursey

Not only goes with Duncan’s rich-bitch aesthetic, but super girly and boyish things just don’t float your boat

You go with light shades of beige and grey

Same goes with baby clothes

Lil grey singlets with stripes and tiny little beanies and matching socks

Basically I am a hoe for minimalist, gender-neutral baby items so I am projecting that onto these hc’s

I also like to think that pillow talk becomes essential during your pregnancy

It’s the only guaranteed time you two have every day to catch up with each other, and you always talk about the baby

You talk baby names for at least 20 minutes a night until you guys finally decide on one

“What about Pearl?”

“Duncan, I am NOT naming our kid Pearl.”

He comes up with the worst names and you always give him shit for it until finally he throws out one that sticks

Is literally so proud the night he finally came up with a name that you both could agree on

You talk about the things you still need to do before the baby comes like building the dresser or picking out bedding for the crib

You always end up falling asleep mid-conversation nestled into each other with each of your hands intertwined and laying against your belly

The man’s nesting gets out of control and we all know it

Duncan comes home with a new stuffed animal every time he goes to the store

You send him to Target for toilet paper and peanut butter?

He comes back with one of every kind of those Wubbanub things he could find in the baby section

“It was just so cute I couldn’t not get it? It’s like a pacifier AND a stuffed animal? They get to have both at the same!time!”

Buying shit so often he probably gets two of the same thing without realizing

“They’re just gonna puke or shit all over it anyway? Probably better to have a backup if you ask me.”

You probably find him just sitting in the nursery sometimes, usually in the middle of the night

He’s either admiring his handiwork because he put together the changing station without looking at the directions

Or once again, trying to sooth his worries about becoming a dad

His baby is going to be home with him soon, and this will be the room where they sleep

He is a big nervous boi about it

Pregnancy sex

Duncan becomes obsessed with how big your boobs and belly get

The breeding kink,,, jumps out

He’s ridiculously hard at the idea that he’s the reason your stomach and tits are swollen

That his baby is growing inside of you

Absolutely loses it when you wear his shirts around the house

You always wore them anyway, but the fact that they used to come to your thighs and are now snug at your hips makes him wanna,,,nut

He loves grabbing your boobs even when you’re not being intimate

If you’re laying in bed watching a movie, he’s got his arms snaked around you with one resting on your belly and the other draped around your chest to grab a handful of boob

Forgets that they’re always sore and gets yelled at more than a few times for being too rough with them

At first, sex is normal and occasionally rough like it always has been

Eventually becomes extremely sensual and about being as close to each other as you can

He takes notes at how sensitive you are and ensures that you’re left a whimpering, screaming mess by the time you cum

Is over the moon that you are just as horny during your pregnancy as he is

While he gets excited about having a baby, his anxiety kicks in again as you reach the finish line of your pregnancy

It finally hits him again that oh shit….this is a real, breathing baby about to come into the world that he is responsible for

You start becoming more agitated, swollen, uncomfortable, crying all of the time

You lash out at him sometimes

He knows you don’t mean it, but it still gets to him

Has him questioning himself more and more

What if he couldn’t do it?

Starts reading a shit ton of baby books and begging you to go to classes with him

Despite his efforts, there’s really nothing he can do to make himself feel any better

He confesses one night in bed that he’s scared shitless he won’t be a good dad

Probably starts crying a little bit

You turn to face him and hold his hands close to your chest

“Listen, Donut. If you love this baby even half as much as I know you love me, I am positive that they will be more than okay. I’ll be right here with you to figure it all out. No one is good at it at first. It takes a lot of getting used to. Plus, they always say the worrying goes away the second you actually hold the baby in your arms.”

A few weeks after that, your water breaks in the middle of the night

Duncan immediately jumps out of bed to grab your hospital bag and help you put on your clothes

Holds your hand the whole ride there

Brushes your knuckles across his lips to try to calm the both of you

In a few hours, both of your lives will be different forever

Do I need to say it again?

Boy is about to shit his pants he is so scared

His heart hurts every time you cry from the pain of contractions because there’s nothing he can do

He is basically useless at this point, which he hates

All he has to offer is his hand for you to squeeze so hard it feels like the bones in his fingers might snap

When you feel like giving up, it’s finally his turn to give the pep talk

He tries his best and it comes out shaky, but he means it

“You’ve got this. You’re the strongest person I know. Remember what you said? It all goes away when you finally get to hold them. Let’s meet our baby, yeah?”

After a particularly excruciating push, your grunting is replaced by shrill little cries

Both yours and Duncan’s eyes go wide and your breath hitches in the back of your throat

The past 9 months have led up to this moment and you’re finally meeting your sweet baby for the first time

Duncan’s shaking like a leaf when he cuts the umbilical cord, unable to take his eyes off of the baby

You’re just as shaky when the nurse places the baby against your chest

Immediately you’re crying your eyes out

“Look at them, Duncan. They’re so beautiful. We did it.”

Duncan probably can’t form words right now

Probably just mumbling “Oh my god. Oh my god.” over and over

He just smiles and nods, trying to hold back tears while leaning over the hospital bed and stroking the baby’s cheek with the back of his hand

After the baby’s crying dies down, you shift over to the side of the bed

You make Duncan take the spot next to you so he can finally hold the baby

He’s hesitant

He doesn’t want to fuck up or hurt them but wants more than anything to finally meet his baby

Still kinda in disbelief that the woman who refused to go on a date with him for months turned into the love of his life had loved him enough to be currently sitting beside him in a hospital bed after having pushed a 7-pound baby that has half of his DNA out of her vagina

As soon as he takes the baby in his arms he’s overwhelmed with love and relief that his baby is here and alive and crying and kicking and he actually created a whole ass human

“Hi, love. It’s nice of you to finally show up. We’ve been waiting a long time to finally meet you.”

Doesn’t even notice, but the tears are f l o w i n g

Back then, he wasn’t sure he believed you when you said that his worries would leave him when he finally held his baby, but now he knows exactly what you meant

He’d do anything for the small bundle in his arms, and the woman lying beside him

Sorry if this is trash y’all I just wanted to give writing a shot!!! Once again pls lmk if it’s good in any capacity I would greatly appreciate it!

I guess I’ll tag some of my favorite writers? Lmao y’all I literally don’t know what the fuck I’m doing someone be my friend and teach me

@ritualmichael @langdonsoceaneyes @wroteclassicaly @thedeviltohisangel @ccodyfern @icylangdon

#Cody Fern #Duncan Shepherd #Michael Langdon #Jim Mason #AHS #HOC #Duncan Shepherd x Reader #Michael Langdon x Reader #Jim Mason x Reader #my writing #mine

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

Text

Survey #261

“i hate you for every time you ever bled for me.”

If you have a job, how long is your shift? I'm unemployed. Do you ever wear your hair in a pony tail? It's too short for that. What language did you take up in high school? Latin for one semester, then I took four of German. Do you like sunflowers? It's illegal to live in the South and not lmao. Have you ever held hands with someone in a car? Yeah. Would you rather be called honey or baby? Hunny. What is your favorite card game? Even though I never learned it super well, I used to enjoy Magic: The Gathering and have actually been like dying to play it for months lmao. How many emails were you sent today? None. What was your favorite Christmas gift you got last year? Well I mostly got money life chose I didn't get to use, lol. I honestly don't really remember anything else prominently... sounds bad, but yeah, so is my memory lmao. What have you thought up yet for this year’s list? Well it's only April, but a treadmill or something like that is at the top right now. Do you have any embarrassing usernames? Ha ha, none that I still use. Do you have a backpack in a shape of an animal? No, but I almost got a meerkat one. But it was too small. :'( Have you ever waxed your legs? OW no. My hair is too long and thick. Have you ever taught a little kid to flick people off? lol wow no. Have you ever itched yourself until your skin was raw? I do that remarkably easy, especially on my legs. I literally have long scars from it. Do you always clear your history after using the computer? No. Have you ever had your food stolen by a bird? Ha ha nah. Are you responsible for stuffing someone's stocking? No. Do you make your own smoothies or juices? No. Do you like oatmeal raisin cookies? I absolutely hate raisins. What age do you think is too old to still live with your parents? It greatly depends on a lot of things: the person's health, financial position, etc. Have you ever watched Bob's Burgers? A couple times. It was pretty funny if I remember correctly. Denim, leather or varsity jacket? UUUUGGGGGHHHHH leather. I've wanted one since middle school. ;_; Has a teacher ever caught and read a note you were passing in class? No. I honestly didn't pass notes, but I find it mean as FUCK when teachers do this. Privacy is a goddamn thing that should be respected. I do not support passing notes in class, like you're there to learn, but having it shared in front of all your peers is not the fucking answer. I get heated about this shit. What's your favorite perfume that you own? I only own one that's called "Blush" from rue 21. It smells really nice, though. Do you clean things that are already clean when you're bored? No. I'd rather clean something that isn't already. Do you have an older brother? Yes. What do you do when someone overweight complains about being overweight? Lol I'd probably say "mood," but it depends on our relationship of course. Like there're times to be humorous and light-hearted about it and other times when you don't make it about you. If they're clearly more sad and especially if I don't know them well, I'd say something like "I understand," because I can almost guarantee I do about this. Have either of your parents ever been to jail? No. Have you ever been to jail? No, I'm a good noodle. :) Are your collarbones prominent? No. ;_; You can see them, yeah, but they're not like very obvious. It's one of my biggest motivators to lose weight though because I am dyinnnnggg for dermals there, but I think it would look weird without that contrast. Have you ever in your life worn overalls? When I was a kiddo. Ugly things. Do you own anything tribal print? No. Do you watch any beauty gurus on YouTube? I'm not even very interested in beauty, yet I love Jeffree Star??? Nikkie is cool too. I've found I watch more for personalities than content, in all genres of vids. Do you like Skittles? More like LOVE. Do you have a PillowPet? No. If you do, what kind of PillowPet do you have? N/A Do you have sleep paralysis? Thank the fuck to god no. That shit sounds absolutely terrifying. Is there anyone at home right now you wish wasn't? No. Do you like Placebo? Tbh I can't think of one song by them rn. I know I've heard them, Mom's even got a CD I'm sure I've tried out long ago when I got into her music, but obviously nothing stood out well enough, at least back then. Has anyone ever carried you to bed? As a kid, yeah, usually my dad. Could you happily date someone prettier than you? Yes???? Do you know anyone with cancer? Both my mom and grandmother right now. Are you easily offended? No. Do your parents buy you most anything you want? HI we've always been poor so no. Not just that, but they knew better than to spoil us. Have you ever tried to jump a fence? I have. Do you watch My Strange Addiction? No. How attracted are you to the last person that kissed you? A bit above moderately ig. Have you ever known a white supremacist? HUNNY I live in the South. In regards to who do you think "what if?" Jason as a fucking whole is my absolute "what if." Do you like the smell of a barbecue? Yes, even though I enjoy like almost no food at most of them. Doesn't stop it from smelling good. Has anyone ever called you apathetic or unemotional? I can't even imagine someone calling me that, no. I'm the polar opposite. How much money do you spend in a month on clothes or accessories? None in the average month. What was the last clothing item you wore that doesn't belong to you? A pair of Mom's pants. I didn't have any clean pairs. Do you own anything with your state or providence's name on it? No. Got no interest in sporting anything relating to a boring-ass, bigoted, racist state. How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking? WOW A LOT!!!!!!!!!!! Do you like the Paranormal Activity movies? Yeah, I do. I mean yeah, they're fake, but what horror movie isn't even though it claims it is, honestly. How do you like your oatmeal? Apples & cinnamon with a bit of sugar. Does it make you feel better when an ex starts dating someone unattractive? No. Appearance doesn't mean shit when it comes to what the heart wants. What's your favorite way to eat peanut butter? In a sandwich w/ grape jam. Do you fall in infatuation easily? Infatuation, I'm not sure. Who has initiated most of your first kisses? Considering almost all previous relationships, usually me as they all knew I needed to go slow. I'd only do it if I was aware they'd wanted to kiss already, though. Do you like bows? Omg yes, cute shit. Has a boyfriend ever made you breakfast? Yes. Jason first went to college to be a chef. Are you more likely to show affection through your words or your actions? Probably words when you consider I'm slow with physically doing that, but I'm honestly really affectionate either way when I'm comfortable with you. Do you like Cheez-Its? VERY MUCH SO omg keep them away from me. Do you ever use coloring books? Not anymore. How do you feel about instrumental music? I have to be in the mood for it. Have you ever been on a trapeze? No. What's the coolest natural event you've ever witnessed? I still don't know to this day what it was, but I THINK it was a star exploding. Scared me, man. Seeing the big lunar eclipse last year was also wicked cool. Do you know how to use chopsticks? HA, I never could. Not with my tremors. Do you buy chocolate after Valentine's Day when it goes on sale? No, I don't need chocolate. Do you think bunnies are cute? I would fight God to give a lop-eared bunny one (1) pet. Do you personally know anyone who is an author? I've had a friend get something published in a magazine before, and during one stay at the psych hospital, I met a published poet. His stuff was really good. Last time (if ever) you were on an airplane, where were you going? Otw home from Illinois. Do you know anyone who is left-handed? Yeah? I'd assume everyone would at least know one... If people could read your mind, what would they usually find? The thought "I'm bored" every five minutes. What's a song that makes you feel happy? "Jump" by Van Halen came to mind first. How did you meet your best friend? YouTube. Do you need money to be happy? To a degree, yes. Money can buy happiness - but again, to a degree. Saying it doesn't is bullshit. What's a good idea you've had recently? Probably just OC ideas, lmao. I've thought of some decently cool stuff recently. what is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? Cinnamon rolls uggggghhhhhh How many slices of pizza do you usually eat? Two or three if I'm seriously hungry. If you could switch places with someone for a day, who would it be? Is "Mark's girlfriend" even remotely surprising lmao but no seriously she's an amazing and productive person like I WISH. What's the last song you listened to? "Roots" by In This Moment is on rn. Do you like the movie Zootopia? Ye! Do you ever go on Pinterest? Yeah. What's the last kind of chocolate you ate? A Reese's. Tell me a line from the song you're listening to: "I'm stronger than I ever knew - I'm strong because of you." Have you ever participated in a march/protest? No. Have you ever performed in front of a large audience? Yeah, for dance classes and school stuff. What did you eat the last time you went to the movies? Popcorn. I may have gotten sour gummies, too? Idr. Who was the last person to see you cry? Mom. Do you listen to music every day? There are rare days where I don't. I'll be watching too many actual videos. Do you have a hard time making decisions? A STUPID hard time. I'm extremely dependent, including when faced with decisions. I second-guess myself with everything. Do you start the shower water before or after you get in? Before. How many times have you been to a museum? A good number of times. We live pretty close to an art + science one. Are you going to be getting any new pets soon? Most likely not. Would you rather be a Panda or Grizzly bear? A panda so it wouldn't be legal to shoot me lmao. Do the stairs in your house have carpet? We only have one floor. Can you do a twirl like a ballerina? Oh wow, no. Even when I was a dancer, I SUCKED at that. When you were younger, were you ever in a relationship with someone you now realize was way too old for you? No. Is your family dysfunctional? To a degree. How old were you the first time you travelled alone? 22? What's the longest hotel stay you've ever had? I don't know. Not long. We only ever really stayed at one when we had to go to Myrtle Beach for annual dance competitions, and those were only like, a weekend. What architectural style was your childhood home? Uhhh idk. Very normal. Tell me a bit about your last relationship. What was it like dating them? It was great, but also stressful because of distance. What's the largest animal you've seen in the wild? Maybe like a large buck or something. Do any of your friends or family members have strange occupations? Not that I'm aware of. Have you ever been in weather so severe that you feared for your safety? Oh yeah. What political issues are the most important to you personally? Gay rights and the pro-choice stance. Does your neighborhood have a community garden? I've never even heard of such a thing. What small thing makes you automatically distrust someone? Acting secretive or cryptic about who they are as a person. Of all the states/provinces in your country, which one is your favorite? Visually that I've seen a good number of pictures of, Utah. Are there any obscure foods you've eaten that most people have never tried? I very much doubt that. What's the kindest thing a total stranger has done for you? I'm unsure. Have you ever used a meal kit delivery service? Yeah, I did one of those diet things before... but the name is evading me, even though it's super common. Nutrisystem, maybe? Do you have any pets? If so, how old are they? Venus is around five, and Roman is two. Do you have any psychological issues rooted in events from your childhood? My psychiatrist and former therapist predict my discomfort around men, particularly when they're behind me, and extreme fear of rape is rooted in two kids from pre-k that used to chase, randomly hug the hell out of, and try to kiss me. I'd actually entirely forgotten about it until we really started to dig deep, so I guess it's a repressed memory. Do you remember your locker combinations from high school? WOW no, son. What's your favorite DIY crafts youtube channel? I don't watch DIY stuff. What was your high school's mascot? Firebird. Who were your best friends in high school? Hannia, Megan, Maria, Girt, and Dennis were The Crew. Who was your first boyfriend or girlfriend? Aaron was my brief puppy-dog love, but Jason was my first real boyfriend. Would you rather sleep on the top bunk or bottom bunk? Bottom. If I slept on the top, but bottom is getting crushed lmao. As a little kid though when Nicole and I shared a room, I had to have the top bunk until I got a bit older. What insects are you afraid of? BEETLES, CICADAS, AND LARVA GET THE FUCK OUT. Honestly most insects scare me to a degree. Have you ever had a secret admirer that left you notes? I think the aforementioned Aaron did in middle school at least once before we dated. What was your favorite thing to do at sleepovers when you were younger? Swimming in the pool, if they had one. What's one way in which you're still a child? I'm dependent as shit on my mom. What's one way in which you're old? I now say "back in the day" sometimes lmfao. Do you feel old or young? Or do you feel both at different times? Both at different times. Did you ever skip a grade or get held back a grade? No. When you look at your baby pictures, do you recognize yourself? Only once at a certain age. What is your favorite thing to do in the pool? Just kinda swim around and think, or watch nature. Have you ever taken a picture at the perfect moment? I know I have, but they're evading me, gaaaah. What color(s) eyeshadow do you wear the most? I only ever wear black. What’s your favourite brand of peanut butter? Uhhh never really paid much attention to brands. Do you put all your stuff for class in one binder or several? When I was in school, I had one binder with dividers, but I also had specific folders too. What’s your favourite Lunchables meal? The nachos. How many languages can you recite the alphabet in? Two. What’s your favourite flavour of sunflower seeds? I hate those. What’s your favourite flavor of muffin? Chocolate oof. Have you ever had carpal tunnel? I do. I haven't had problems in a couple months, though. Are you one of those people who is really smart but has no common sense? OW FUCK OFF. How old were you when you met your first love? I was just shy of 16. Did you get ice cream from the ice cream truck when you were little? Do they still have an ice cream truck where you live? We occasionally did as a kid, but they definitely don't have that where we live now. Has the last person you kissed met your family? She met my mom, dad, and younger sister. What was the last strong emotion you experienced? Who was responsible for it? Remorse. Myself. Have you ever had to cancel a bank account? Yes. Was the last conversation you had an argument? No. If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? I am not in the financial or mental position to get married right now. Where was the last place you got completely wasted? I've never been "wasted." If you could have anyone as your roommate, who would you choose? Sara. Have you ever changed the prices of items at a store? Wow no. Well, MAYBE when I actually worked in stores and I was supposed to, but I don't remember doing that. Do you go for walks often? I never do because of having no area to (my house is along a dangerous curve), and I need to be very careful because of muscle atrophy in my legs. I need to have easy access to a place to sit and recover or else I get very close to collapsing. As mentioned, I desperately want a treadmill. Would your parents disown you if you got pregnant? No, I'm 24 years old. My mom would never in her life do that at any age anyway. How strange do people say you are? Idk?? That's not something I really try to find out because my AvPD would possibly make me cry asldkfjwe. Have you opened food at a grocery store & ate it without or before paying? I would never do that without, but I have before in cases of being very dizzy and knowing I desperately needed food. How artistic are you? I think I'm pretty artistic, but more in concept than actuality... Like I have so so so SOOOOOO many ideas, particularly with drawing, I just don't. Do it. Can you legally drive? Not currently, because my permit has been expired since last year. Did anything dramatic go down yesterday? No. Do you find smoking unattractive? Very. Have you ever been in a situation where you had to be around your ex everyday? No, thankfully. Have you seen someone recently you used to talk to, but don’t anymore? No. Are you comfortable sharing drinks with your friends? No; I don't even share drinks with family. Honestly, have you ever written something on a bathroom stall? No, I hate that shit. When you were a kid did you ever look up “sex” in the dictionary? Actually no. I literally didn't learn anything about it 'til family life in the 5th grade. Is there anything written on the shirt you’re wearing right now? No. Are you shorter or taller than most of your friends? I'm a normal height, really. Honestly, do you double dip? If I'm sharing, no. All you have to do is break the chip. What was the last junk food you ate? I had a little bit of popcorn yesterday.

#survey #quiz #questions

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nightcoremoon · 4 years

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there's lots of tiny brained bad takes of the far left branding things as Bad™ based solely on their association to other things or certain aspects of part of their fanbase.

this isn't to discredit the shit idiot brain fungus plaguing everyone from centrists, the moderate right, the far right, and the alt right, and even some of the moderate left, where they label everything that isn't about a Cishet White Male American Capitalist Bootlicker who's stateist, ambiguously christian/atheist, neurotypical, able-bodied, has "aryan" facial attributes, is an insufferable asshole, and the like, as "SJW garbage".

but see, prejudice and judgment is bad even if it's not motivated by minority demographic. being a rude dismissive asshole is, you know, bad. maybe making fun of a furry or whatever isn't as bad as being a racist, but you're still a fucking dickhead either way. fuck both of you but fuck the racist more. I'll punch both of you but punch the racist twice (maybe a third time for good measure). do y'all understand what I'm trying to get at here with the tiers of badness? the shades of grey? the steps down the path of evil from "kind of rude" to "literally hitler"?

bigotry is not the only bad thing in the world. yeah it's one of the worst, but you can talk about other bad things without discrediting that, which I know is next to impossible for teenagers (or people who never bothered to mentally progress from such) to comprehend.

anyway what sparked this is all the fuckin joker memes. now I went into it expecting, you know, literally taxi driver 2 followed by a silly horror movie about a clown murdering people. which is what the joker of the comics is all about. if I never watched the movie and only saw, what, the killing murray scene, the stairway dancing scene, the trailers, and joaquin phoenix sitting in a padded room and laughing, that's exactly what I'd had gotten.

but like. I fucking watched it because my dad wanted to watch it with me and he fucking loves all things batman (except Ben Affleck). and wolverine but mostly batman. he's a comic nerd. so yeah I went to watch it with him.

and it was legitimately terrifying from a purely psychological perspective. it's LITERALLY the best scary movie I've ever seen without being horror in the slightest. the acting, the writing, the score, the pacing, the cinematography, it was well put together without being a moffat level overproduced mess. it was a good movie. you're allowed to not care for it or not like it but to objectively call it a bad movie is not only a logical fallacy (eye of the beholder) but it also discredits the opinion of every single person who didn't hate it and makes you come off as a pompous fucking asshole rather than having different tastes.

it's about a guy with severe mental trauma in a bad situation trying to make the best of it and care for his family and hold down a job but he gets fucked over from literally every angle and eventually he snaps and makes a mistake and kills the misogynist rich asshats on the train. oh fuck. he could have gone to the police and said self defense and go through the court system but wait, society in gotham doesn't allow for a clean system of justice when you aren't rich. so instead he proceeds to be a major creepazoid turned murdering lunatic blaming everyone else for his own bad situation instead of the whole deal where he did stupid shit like taking a gun into a fucking children's hospital and stuck his fingers inside a child's mouth and stealing shit and falling further down the rabbit hole. until finally, he says fuck it and seeks revenge. the whole bloody mess that follows is his own fault. he chose to kill people. he chose to murder for petty reasons. he made his decisions and he suffered the consequences for it. all of the festering rotten crime in the city spawned by waynecorp's supreme negligence heralded him as a hero and so begins batman's story.

arthur fleck is not a fucking hero. he is a villain through and through. his circumstances were unfortunate but he made the wrong decisions. the world fucked him over and he said okay and retaliated. joker is exactly the fucking same as breaking bad. arthur and walter white are both evil people through their own decisions. but they were once normal people. and that's the point. the scariest monsters in the world are usually the white men angry at the world for their own shortcomings. oswald. ruby. dahmer. bundy. gein. manson. klebold and harris. white. fleck. they're all the filth stuck in the gutter of society that, if left unchecked, has deadly results.

I'm not kidding at all when I say joker was an important movie for myself personally to see exactly when I saw it. because that first half, I'm not gonna lie, it got me. the therapy didn't work and then it was taken away. he didn't eat most days because he had to support his mother. the people he worked with were dickheads, the people he commuted with were dickheads, his boss was a dickhead, people treated him like garbage on the streets. he couldn't remember the trauma inflicted on him when he was a baby but it still warped every aspect of his life. he had aspirations but lacked the skills. he was sad. alone. empty. he was suicidal. he was me.

then he started killing people and using the neighbor girl as a tulpa and I realized oh no oh god oh shit OH FUCK I need to change from this. and I did.

joker is a perfect template of how not to react to the world when it kicks in your teeth. it's a perfect template of a dark movie. just enough to sympathize with the bad guy but not enough to excuse his actions. the opposite of star wars with kylo ren. a good movie. a good character. an amazing actor. a terrible person.

if you watched joker thinking you're watching the story of the protagonist, you're right, but if you conflate protagonist with the good guy, yeah you won't like the fucking movie because it'll leave a sour taste in your mouth. you'll feel slimy. disgusting. unless you're a megadouche shitlord piece of human fucking garbage who wants to cosplay arthur fleck because he's so damn cool like walter white and eric cartman and rick sanchez and bojack horseman and tyler durden and all those FUCKING HORRIBLE LOATHESOME HUMANS TO NEVER EVER TRY TO EMULATE OR YOU ARE AN UNEMPHATIC ASSHOLE AND A MORON TO BOOT.

if you hated the movie, that's fine. you're kinda supposed to hate it. and if you loved the movie, that's fine so long as you understand what the message was. but if it's one of your favorite movies of all time ever made holy shit please go to therapy jesus christ.

still the point of this post is, discrediting the movie as a steaming pile of shit is incredibly ignorant. and as for the "good movies made by white men are only liked by other white men and are therefore bad movies" thing... if y'all can thirst over eddie brock in the trainwreck of venom and admit that the standards of good movie vs bad movie are all subjective, you're a goddamn idiot if you can't apply the same logic and reason to every movie just because some white boys like edgy clowns (even tho joker is way less edgy than pennywise but go off) in abusive relationships with harlequins. oh and assflash newshole, I'm not a white man.

I swear this bandwagoning bullshit is exactly the same mentality as "hurr durr nickelback worst band ever" even though nickelback is ripe with musical talent underneath a few pop songs that they wrote for the record label as part of their career so they can make a fuckin living BECAUSE CAPITALISM IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL and also because of all the misogyny that bled its way into the music industry in the 2000s but that's a topic for another day. 'joker bad' and 'nickelback bad' are products of the same mental decay that social media wrought upon us all, inflicting mass mob mentality and incapacity for individualistic rational thought. which is exactly why there's a war between camp 'joker is bad' and 'joker is amazing' and nobody acknowledges the group in the middle that's like 'joker was good objectively but also terrible subjectively and content-wise'. polar. I could make a political statement and also say how the neoliberals and the fascists are at war while the people in the middle are caught in the crossfire and forced to fight like pawns on a chessboard, but the moderate right, dumbass centrists, pastel commies, and pockets of the moderate left, but that just throws everything into chaos.

tl;dr learn to think for yourselves omg

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