#even as someone who did eventually get diagnosed like

[inkskinned]

i both firmly believe that self-diagnosing saved my life and i think that the way tiktok and instagram have recently been spreading misinformation about mental illness/neurodivergence is incredibly harmful.

people who are looking for answers are already people who are in a vulnerable situation.

much of the misinformation appears logically sound; and is presented as definitive fact (prefaced with claims such as "research shows"). it's imperative we remember correlation does not prove causation. it is incredibly dangerous to make definitive statements like "if X happened in your childhood, you now Z as an adult." real scientists will almost always use may or other less-definitive terms. similarly, equating one behavior/experience with any single condition is also unsafe. many conditions have overlapping symptoms; and many people "mask" their key symptoms, even to themselves.

we cannot discern from a singular data point any conclusion. in official diagnosis, for a behavior/experience to be considered a symptom, it must significantly influence your life. many people enjoy an organized space. that is a preference. disrupting your daily life even at personal cost in order to prioritize organization is more likely a symptom.

again, a single data point is not an effective diagnostic tool. it is necessary and important work to catalogue and consider all unwanted/distressing behaviors in order to understand a complete picture of the person.

i will see creators in paid partnerships make generalized behavioral/emotional claims that apply to a large portion of a community, and then they will suggest that the "solution" to that behavior is through their paid partner/through their personal support. "follow for more psych tips/facts" is an incredibly evil marketing tactic. i very rarely see unpartnered/unbranded content on how to aid/comfort those behaviors and feelings.

much of the misinformation employs a subtle technique (called confirmation bias) of setting up a conclusion before "proving" the conclusion. "you know you have X when you experience A,B, and C." no person's experience of their conditions/behaviors will look exactly the same as another's. while knowing certain things might be a sign/symptom of a condition, it is irresponsible to consider it definitive.

confirmation bias is unfortunately extremely effective on tiktok specifically. the algorithm will notice that you interacted longer with the video that "proves" (through a singular video) that you "have" a condition. it will continue to feed you related videos that further confirm what you believe.

this is dangerous because we are, unfortunately, not good at knowing ourselves. i did not know it was unusual to vividly nightmare every night; i didn't consider it a symptom. i was similarly dismissive also of any other signs of my PTSD - i incorrectly assigned them to anxiety/adhd. on the small scale, this can mean a longer journey to healing. on the larger scale, it can mean people with extremely difficult situations are unable to get the help they need.

please, if you can, and you're looking to self-diagnose: be careful about what you assume about yourself. try to keep an honest journal of what you're thinking/feeling/doing for a few days.

do not go in with an assumption. try to keep an open mind. i think we all "suspect" we have something - but like i said, i completely missed my own PTSD symptoms, because i suspected the ADHD the most, and only "saw" those symptoms.

do your own research. if the tiktok says "research shows", google that research. figure out who paid for that research. do further research related to that study - has it ever been repeated? is it peer reviewed? do other researchers seem to accept it as conclusive?

if you feel you really resonate with the materials of one person's experience with a condition, find other examples. see if you relate to other creators who identify similarly.

and please - please do not stop once you come to a conclusion. i fully believe that the diagnostic process should be seen as a first step, not a destination. by knowing what you might be struggling with, you gain an incredibly powerful tool on how to gain peace with that condition.

if you feel yourself emotionally respond to a tiktok/etc that suggests something that might be true about yourself, i'm glad you had that experience. but it's also important to not relax into the "easy" answer. interrogate it. start googling what else that could mean; what ways you could work on healing that wound.

healing does not "belong" to any one condition. i want you to begin to look into healing no matter if you have "proven" you have a condition or not. it is never selfish to practice responsible self-care. even if you don't relate to having adhd, you are not harming me by using adhd-inspired study tips. it is not making my condition worse for you to seek peace by asking for more time on tests. even if it was - the fault would be with the system, not in your need of something the system makes inaccessible.

remind yourself that everything you experience is real. and because it is real, it is complicated. while things might be related - even sometimes clearly related - a stranger on the internet cannot make that discernment for you. you as a person deserve the work, attention, and care that goes into the process of unravelling the harm that has been done to you.

it makes me very, very upset to see how popular these videos have become, because they're so irresponsible. and they clearly are targeting a vulnerable group. for example, making generalized claims about children of unloving caretakers is targeting those who have experienced neglect. there is no way to use 30 second videos to correctly analyze what that neglect might have caused in your adult life. i'm sorry, but it's snake oil.

i know it is so powerful soothing to recognize that you aren't broken. that others exist like you out there. i want every person looking for answers to find their answer. i want you to feel seen and heard and understood. i want you to find your community.

i just want it to happen safely.

#every time i write this im like #i just want to say a short thing about this #and every time it ends up being 12 pages long #but since it keeps happening #and i keep seeing shit like this... #this isn't even everything i feel about this #i hope this is clear like #what im saying is #NOT ''you don't have it if u selfdiagnose'' #it's instead.... #you might!!! just don't let 1 or 2 videos confirm it!! #also!!! don't assume that symptom A belongs to condition X!! #even as someone who did eventually get diagnosed like #i still find myself being like - oh that's my adhd #only to figure out 12 hours later. nope that was a panic attack #also none of those videos are about how to HELP the behavior #also this doesn't talk about getting a therapist eventually but please get professional help if you can #it took me fucking forever tho #what im saying is that in the meantime #u can heal now #this is too long im posting it on a sunday so nobody reads it

[thedreadvampy]

oh speaking of things I'm mad about

can we talk about how the bar for adequate medical care is so far underground that I just got EXCITED bc someone I love got a 'I believe something's wrong but if it doesn't come up on the scans I'm not sure I can help you' instead of a 'there's nothing wrong go away' for once?

it's literally not even moving closer to a hope of treatment particularly. but fuck me how depressing is it that an 'I believe you but I can't help you' feels like more than you dare to hope for?

idk I'm SO ANGRY ALL THE TIME.

#red said #ok look I'm aware that i specifically have quite a lot of Medical Trauma #to the degree that hospitals make me actively insane #HOWEVER #i am always pushed to reflect on the fact that for years i was pathetically grateful to the nurses #who were around for my abortion #they refused me painkillers offered me no support got angry with me for needing help and fully forgot to discharge me or feed me #BUT. they didn't actively harangue me and one of them (grudgingly) sat with me for the length of time #it took me to give birth #(then left me alone and bleeding in the bathroom with the corpse while she went to get something) #and this is what gets me bc that's an extreme example but. to me that felt like kindness. #bc she grudgingly and unsympathetically did a part of the bare minimum of her job #i spent years defending them bc eventually and vocally against their will they acknowledged i needed help #and that's like. that's an atypical situation but it's not an atypical experience #i think almost everyone with chronic health problems or hard to diagnose stuff #has had the experience of being so badly ignored and treated so unseriously #and met as someone Making A Silly Fuss so often #that a doctor doing the bare minimum of Hearing You Out And Believing Your Account is a fucking ANGEL SENT FROM HEAVEN #like they don't even need to DO anything or even try bc you're so used to being tret like pure shit that neutrality or a sorry #feels like the ultimate kindness

[heart2beom]

cliché

pairing: bsf!yeonjun x reader

genre: fluff, best friends to lovers, crack, little angst

synopsis: after yeonjun hears you referring to him as someone who's like a brother ...he tries his hardest to make you see him as a potential boyfriend.

or in which you're perplexed at all the movie hangouts your friend has been initiating.

warning: mature language, reader is assumed to be fem

notes: honestly, i always try to cut down the word count to make it more available for people who only read drabbles/blurbs but i just CANT. so here's another short oneshot T-T and as always, reblog to help the algorithm pick up on this :D

yeonjun was confused walking back home -- no, the whole day, he was disturbed. the reason for this was yesterday...when he went to get drinks for both you and him at a frat party.

the crowds were insanely hard to get through (and it didn't help that people kept on stopping him to 'catch up' or whatnot) so it took him more than fifty minutes to come back with the drinks he promised to get.

but it looked like it was too late because the people you were surrounding yourself with when yeonjun was there...disappeared. instead, you're bundled up, alone in a corner, with a guy he does not know. which was already weird because yeonjun knew everybody, and that was enough reason for him to hurry his ass up through sweaty frat drunks and make sure the unknown guy isn't some sleazeball.

that time he wasn't aware that he rolled his eyes but he did conciously plan to squeeze himself into the conversation...and technically cockblock.

but when he neared you...that's when his world shattered...on more dramatic terms. it was more like his confidence was shot down to the deepest depths of hell.

"oh, yeonjun? pfft, he's like a brother!"

even though it was almost barely audible due to the blasting music, 'brother' to his ears were magnified -- the word circling through his head.

brother. brother?!

and as a result of this baffling situation, he had backed himself in an opposing corner with your cup in his right and his cup in his left, way further than you now, thinking of where did it go wrong?

he's never had someone friend-zone him -- for heavensake, he's yeonjun, he's aware of how attractive he is. but brother-zone? that was even worse of an attack!

it doesn't matter that you said it -- come on, that's barely the case. it's the fact that someone was so unattracted to him that he was seen as a sibling.

sure, you and yeonjun were a sort of bunch that have been together since... forever, really. seriously, you were friends since elementary -- when you joined the school, fourth grade, mindlessly kicking rocks at recess he approached you like the social butterfly kid that he was, asking you if you wanted to come play with his friends.

once he took another sip of the red cup in his right hand, the fruity punch being way too overbearing (just how'd you like it), he furrowed his brows together.

he definitely doesn't see you as a sister.

he'd have to admit that when middle school hit and his puberty was acting up around ...the seventh grade? he was convinced that he would eventually marry you like the way his parents were. a brother wouldn't have felt that way about his sister! normally that is...

granted, he mostly blamed that on the first strikes of puberty because right after middle school, he moved on from the thought -- completely abandoning his pre-puberty dreams, but that was besides the point!

he was getting nauseous from the sweetness of his drink and the further he thought about the way you thought of him, he felt that he would ruin the party by vomiting on someone.

his night was officially ruined. absolutely, fundementally, literally ruined.

and thats how he found himself unfocused on everything around him the next day, finally making the decision to consult with his roommates about this frankly, very big conundrum.

"you can't just purposefully leave out important details? like, how am i supposed to diagnose you properly bro?" beomgyu asked as he spammed the keys on his controller.

"you're not diagnosing me--" yeonjun exhaled, wanting to to keep the banter to the minimum in respect to the issue he's facing. "literally what do you think we're doing right now?"

"i'm going to be completely honest and say ...i have no idea-- shit, what the fuck are you doing heeseung? jump! jump!" he yelled towards the big screen in front of him.

yeonjun groaned, turning his head to behind the couch. "soobin, it's not too late to help out your only friend!" he yelled out in hopes of it reaching the guy's bedroom.

and with no response, he turned back to watching the game beomgyu was playing. "god, you know how many times i gave that guy life changing advice on women?"

"and this is how he repays me?"

beomgyu nodded along to whatever yeonjun was mumbling about until the brunette magically connected dots and euphoric realization hit him. beomgyu almost scrambled around to completely face him this time, "hold on, hold on. yeonjun you lost me, are you having girl problems?"

to that, yeonjun rolled his eyes. "i wouldn't call it 'girl problems', that sounds like a problem soobin would have."

"uh-huh ...uh-huh. no, no yeah." beomgyu said nodding mindlessly to save the guy some face. "heeseung i'm logging off dude, yeonjuns got girl problems."

yeonjun just deadpanned to the back of the guys head, having no will to correct him.

he wanted to get the pending issue out of the way first.

it was more situated a few minutes later. instead of beomgyu sitting on the floor criss crossed, leaned on the couch yeonjun was sitting on, beomgyu was now sitting on the chair next to the couch, his elbows on his knees, brows deeply furrowed.

and not to forget yeonjun's pen and paper in hand.

"so... you're trying to get a girl to like you?"

"not like. i want her to see me as someone she would want as a boyfrie--" when he saw beomgyus brow raising up as to say 'whats the difference' he cleared his throat. "yea, basically."

"don't you know how to do that though?"

he shrugged, "it's different this time."

"how?"

"trust me, it's very different."

"okay but how?"

"you'd be the last person i'd ask for an interrogation beomgyu, that'd be a task for like... taehyun or something."

"i'm sorry that i need to understand my client first--"

"i am not your client" yeonjun said, rolling his eyes.

"what's going on here?", yeonjun turned his head to see soobin behind the kitchen island, scooping himself some icecream.

"dude, where were you when i needed you?", yeonjun asked.

"me and yj are holding a dating therapy session."

yeonjun turned his head to beomgyu, "again, it's not a therapy sessio--"

"you're getting dating advice from beomgyu?" soobin asked, his face scrunched up doubting if it really got this bad.

and back to soobin. "when you say it like that.." "soobin can you please leave yeonjun alone? he's in a very vulnerable state right now"

then beomgyu again. "i'm seriously going to beat you up." he said, biting his bottom lip and raising his fist against his roommate. beomgyu immediately jumps dramatically, shielding himself with his arms up.

"see? he's getting violent!"

soobin finally plopped on the couch next to yeonjun with his cup of icecream. "explain it to me, maybe i can help you out."

"i'll save you the trouble, he's not explaining for whatever reason--"

"a girl said that i'm like a brother to her." yeonjun reluctantly mumbled.

a wave of silence hit the dorm, for a minute yeonjun thought they just didn't hear him and to be completely honest, he was about to thank the gods because he regretted saying anything the moment he did, but that thought was immediately shot down when both sides of his ears were being blasted by humiliating laughter.

soobin got up, patting yeonjun's shoulder as reassurance, still laughing. "yeah, good luck with that hyung."

"okay, it's not even that bad--"

"dude, not even cha eunwoo would survive the sibling zone." beomgyu said, a hard reality check for yeonjun. "though hyunbin might.." he mumbled to himself. yeonjun caught it though, but it didn't matter. yeonjun was no hyunbin.

"fuck." he breathed out, the utensils he was holding had lesser grip on them as he just stared into nothingness. beomgyu was right. he's forever stuck as a brother in your eyes.

but then a ring of his phone snaps him out of it.

when he checks the id, his ambition is restored almost immediately for whatever reason; it was you.

"yo why are you smiling?", beomgyu said trying to peep at yeonjun's phone, but yeonjun reflexes took over, and he immediately turned his phone off.

"beomgyu, don't you think i kind of resemble hyunbin?" he said with a head tilt and an overconfident smirk, talking like he just had an epiphany.

"the one from crash landing on you? uh no."

yeonjun jumped from the couch a new man, his pen and paper in one hand and his ringing phone on the other. he finally faced beomgyu as the man he was, choi motherfucking yeonjun. "i gotta answer this call...and also, if you ask anybody who my celebrity doppelganger is, everyone would proudly say its hyunbin dumbass."

then yeonjun left with a smile and a surge of new confidence overtaking his face as he spoke away on the phone with you, while beomgyu was left in the living room more than confused as he looked up the actor on his phone.

instead of finding the difference, beomgyus brain was tasking him into finding the similarities...which, there was one to yeonjun's credit.

black hair.

"when are the others coming?" you asked looking around the crowded floor as yeonjun was buying popcorn and drinks. "the movies about to start.." you mumbled, checking your phone for the hundredth time.

"oh, i guess its just me and you again." he said with the popcorn and bottle of coke finally in his arms.

"again? don't you think this is getting suspicious?" you said as you walked alongside yeonjun, not noticing the way yeonjun just gulped.

you stopped in your tracks, in turn yeonjun bumping into your back a little, a few popcorns dropping on the floor.

"hey...you don't think.." you furrowed your brows, in deep thought. this has been on your mind for a while now. "you don't think they're trying to set us up or something do you?"

after the third time your friends stood you and yeonjun up, you were starting to think they were pushing, what they called, the 'ynjun' agenda..but it was the first time you'd ever bring it up to yeonjun, so you just laughed it off -- scolding your friends will come on a later date.

"nevermind, lets go inside the movie theatre jun."

"ya' y/n, wait."

you turned around to an awkward standing yeonjun at first, but he immediately straightens up and clears his throat, with a smile you've grown so attached to -- the smile that reached his eyes. for something so simple, it made your heart beat a little quicker than normal.

"can you hold the coke for a sec? i'm trynna--i'm trynna do something."

you break into a light laugh, "um, okay." that snapped you out of it because you remember who he was again -- your platonic best friend.

you took the cola bottle off his right arm, expecting him to take his phone out of his pocket to check something.

but as you stared at your sneakers, checking if they're untied, you felt his hand on top of your head, which startled you.

you looked up to meet yeonjuns eyes, a brow raised.

before you could say anything, he ruffled the top of your hair gently, leaning towards you a bit, to shorten the height difference.

"y/n, let this be our first date." your platonic best friend's voice, so warm and gentle you thought you would only hear in dreams, said those words...to you.

"so you asked her out on a date but you don't even like her...? that doesn't make any sense." soobin said, sitting on the couch watching beomgyu hog up the tv screen, his use time running out.

"bros an asshole..but i feel like we knew that already-- fuck you heeseung. you fucking suck ass you need to get off my team." beomgyu yelled.

"okay, first of all, it's not that bad. she doesn't like me at all, plus the date was how we would usually hung out anyway."

soobin just shook his head -- being the only guy with a functioning moral compass amongst the people he called his friends was exhausting.

as soon as he was about to lecture yeonjun, the tv timer goes off -- and that makes his plan a fleeting thought.

"it's my turn now, throw me the remote."

"bro give me a second, let me finish this gam--"

"no! unplug your console." soobin yelled impatiently, he knew better than to let beomgyu go over the timer again.

beomgyu groaned, abandoning heeseung in the game and unplugging his console. when soobin got control of the tv and opened up netflix, beomgyu stood up to sit next to yeonjun -- who had gotten a notification from you.

"yj, who's the chick? you never told us."

"uh, you don't really know her." he mindlessly answered, focused on the messages from you.

[y/n, 9:16 pm] that serenade ..as cringe as it was.. [y/n, 9:16 pm] like lets be serious, there was NO reason for u to get on top of the cafeteria table lol

he hadn't yet told his roommates what he did this morning, thinking that he'd get a longer lecture by soobin.

but he had took inspiration from the movie you guys were watching the other night at the cinema. you talked his ear off about how romantic it was, how you would fall at the feet of dicaprio if he did the same to you..

he was no dicaprio, but he could try is what he thought. and though you forced him to get down half way through, he could still enjoy sharing the laughter, your laughter, that was ringing in his ear.

[yeonjun, 9:17 pm] as cringe as it was...? you're in love w me ;)

he typed it as a joke, a smile tugging on his lips waiting for your reaction to his teasing.

but beomgyu hovered over his phone out of boredom again, and out of instinct yeonjun threw his phone -- the three chois looking at the phone on the floor in shock.

"bro, why are you being so secretive? were you sexting?" beomgyu yelled, accusatory.

"can we collectively have some decency in this house, jesus fucking christ beomgyu." soobin muttered.

"shut up church boy, yeonjun's hiding something for sure."

"or maybe he just wanted some privacy dude?" soobin retaliated.

yeonjun jumped up pointing at soobin, "exactly! exactly! listen to soobin, you were invading my personal space. so not cool beomgyu."

"yeah, okay. you've never agreed with me with this much enthusiasm before. he's hiding something. quick, check his phone." to soobins order, beomgyu was prepared to run to the phone when he made eye contact with the owner -- but yeonjun was quick.

"good god, wait wait. what do you want beomgyu--fuck, if you wanted her name it's y/n alright? the chick's y/n!" yeonjun doesn't do well under pressure, at all.

"what are you talking about--" beomgyu's face morphed into shock with his mouth agape. "--oh my fucking god. yeonjun, y/n's the chick? the one who brother zoned you?" beomgyu yelled.

"yeah...?" he said hesitantly.

"i can't--i just can't. soobin knock some sense into him." beomgyu turned away dramatically, shaking his head.

"yeonjun--" soobin started.

"dude, y/n has been in love with you for like a decade!" beomgyu blurted out, turning to face yeonjun again, interrupting soobin.

"uh..no? guys, i literally told you that she said she sees me as a brother. i saw her telling some guy that at the frat party last week."

beomgyu walked towards yeonjun, grabbing both of his shoulders, shaking him, "she. didn't. brother. zone. you. you stupid fuck!"

"she's been saying that to people because its so obvious that every time she tries moving on, she still likes you." soobin added in.

yeonjun, with his brows furrowed, tore beomgyu's hands off his shoulder -- walking towards his phone.

and it felt like a million thoughts were racing around his head the three seconds it took for him to get his phone, like a storm, a big tornado clouding his mind. but the most heavy was...how long? a fucking decade? and he never noticed?

he found it hard to swallow, almost nervous...that it was true.

the two other chois were staring at him, exchanging glances.

and when he picked up his phone, it was like he feared.

his text was left on read.

yeonjun's roommates were right for once.

all the secret glances he'd catch, a smirk twitching on his face as he pretended not to see, all the times you'd practically asked him out -- he shot it all down subconsciously thinking it was nothing more than coincidences on top of coincidences.

"you know, i was thinking it was weird you freaked out so much about the brother thing. yunjin told you that right to your face like last month and you didn't say anything." beomgyu said as he let himself fall on the couch.

beomgyu was right, he didn't care when yunjin said it.

yeonjun looked at beomgyu, eyes confused. "so...what are you trying to say?"

"maybe you feel the same way...? god, do i have to spell it out for you every single time?" he said dramatically, groaning.

"okay yeonjun. drama's over, go do your walk of shame to your room." soobin said, getting comfortable on the chair again to watch the premier of his show.

"and reflect!" beomgyu shouted out as yeonjun went over to his room, obeying soobin with his phone tight in hand.

"what are we watchin?" beomgyu finally asked, soobin giving him a side eye in response.

"we? beomgyu, i'm not watching another show premier with you again."

"just because my commentary is too good doesn't mean you have to get all jealous--"

yeonjun bursts out of his room through the narrow hallway that lead to the main door, a coat hanging on his right arm as he hurriedly slipped on his sneakers.

it startled both of the guys on the couch, looking over at him with brows raised: what is yeonjun doing?

no one could get a word in, not even beomgyu, before he was totally out of sight.

only adrenaline was rushing through his veins as he shut the door behind him, putting his arms through his padded coat, and sprinting to the elevator -- frantically spamming the button to make him falsely hope the elevator would reach his floor any faster

it wasn't like he had to do something in the ten minutes his head thought he had left, no, it was the realization that had him acting in urgency he never thought he'd have for a girl. all of his stupidity dawning on him -- for fucksake, of course it mattered that you said he was like a brother, it was you.

and as he ran out the building -- his head felt dizzy, not because it was overwhelmed with thoughts, no, this time he only had a few but those were harder to manage his head.

did he ever give up on you in middle school?

did he ever move on from you in highschool?

did he really dump a dream, you -- the dream he had as a boy, with all the other dreams he never thought would happen?

when yeonjun was finally in front of your family house, the one you still chose to live in through your college experience, he moved to where'd he guess the window of your room was.

"y/n?" he shouted out with all the energy he could muster up. he had to bend over his knee to catch his breath, because he would shout your name again.

again, and again, and again.

blood rushed up to his cheeks, not because of the cold, because he was embarrassed -- what if you weren't even here?

he waited, staring up at the window which showed no sign of your room light being on.

but he wouldn't give up, he'd have to try something else.

yeonjun looked down at his feet, the absence of the sun being harder on his vision. there were no rocks, the only thing visible to his eyes were branch sticks which only made him hope that his aim was good enough to get your window a few times.

it wasn't.

when the last stick that he found hit a window that wasn't the one he was trying to aim at - he cursed under his breath, defeated. yeonjun concluded that this was a bigger fail than the fucking time he found out that he was flirting at a family--not a class, reunion.

he could just go back to his dorm and call you is what he thought as he exhaled, a fog escaping his lips into the cold, feeling even more of a loser.

"yeonjun?!" he turned around at the familiar voice calling out for him and his eyes widened, lighting up as they set on your face, finally out of the window, with your room light making it a little easier for him to see your features.

"y/n?" he shouted back, ecstatic.

"what are you doing out here?", you shouted the words slowly so he could pick it up. then add, "it's fucking cold!"

"i just wanted to know" he inhaled, the cold air burning his nostrils, "why you didn't answer my text!"

it was silent, yeonjuns lips agape waiting for a response.

"you're fucking insane!" you said laughs slipping between your words, yeonjun scoffs lightly, a wide smile on his face.

he put his hands up as walls to his mouth to echo his words louder, "for you!" he shouted out in response.

"shut the fuck up!" it was a distant yell, one you both assumed, as you met eye contact, was y/n's neighbors. and then you laughed again at the untimely part of it all.

when you turned away from the window, yeonjun found himself yearningly waiting for you to come back. hands that were in his pockets felt a vibration -- his phone.

he took it out just to see a notification from his, quite frankly, favorite person ever.

[y/n, 10:26 pm] lets talk on here lol

he looked up and saw you at the window again, with you waving your phone at him -- it earned a smile tugging once more, on the ends of his lips.

just how did he manage to ignore overwhelming feelings about you, of you, for the past decade?

[yeonjun, 10:27 pm] come down. i'm not gonna tell u this thru text [y/n, 10:27 pm] why not? [yeonjun, 10:27 pm] don't wanna [y/n, 10:28 pm] youre asking me to get out of my cozy ass room just bcs u dont wanna??

"yeah! basically dumbass!" he shouted, startling your poor self out of your focus on your phone. you glared at him, yeonjun most likely missing it.

[y/n, 10:28 pm] STOP DONT DO THAT THOSE PSYCHOS ARE GOING TO CALL THE COPS ON ME [yeonjun, 10:29 pm] ok then come down before i freeze my fingers off

when you slid your window closed, closing your curtains, he immediately turned to quickly run towards the front of your house. yeonjun leaned on the fence of your porch, smiling with thoughts of you clouding his mind, as he looked up at the moon.

it was all so cliché -- the type of scene his roommates would squeal over and one that he would roll his eyes to, but if he were to watch this part of his life, again and again -- the moment you opened the door, the moment you both exchanged looks that communicated 'we feel the same way don't we?', a short awkward laugh that was shared, the moment you hesitantly opened your mouth to say something -- and then, the final moment of his longing lips crashing onto yours, his cold hands warming up the moment he cupped your face, the repocracy from your side making him smile into the kiss, the euphoric realisation that he wasn't late, you didn't stop loving him yet, and when he cut the kiss short, both your lips barely apart, yeonjun whispered an i love you, and to it you smiled, pulling him into your house, to finish your kiss -- he would too, squeal over the scene, kicking his feet like a highschool girl.

ending a/n: YOU FINISHED IT YAY :D yeonjun was lowk an asshole for wanting to lead on mc at first for his own benefit, but hes such a cutie im sorry, its easy to forgive T-T let me know what you feel about this piece, it was so fun to write!!

#txt x reader #yeonjun x reader #yeonjun x y/n #tomorrow x together #choi yeonjun x you #choi yeonjun tomorrow x together #txt #txt imagines #txt fics #yeonjun imagines #yeonjun fic #txt fluff #txt angst #yeonjun angst #yeonjun fluff #txt headcanons #txt smut #yeonjun smut #txt x you #moa #txt moa #kang taehyun #soobin #beomgyu

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

poke hornet nest

my stance on ABA

(my stance on ABA)

as someone with (some) lived experience

most of it is shit.

for long time in past and even now, ABA only service available for a lot autistic people & family.

most of it (< ABA*) still is shit. (*this disclaimer applies to rest of repetition)

heard of more than enough cases of. insurance/school system/etc give pathetic number of hours/sessions for speech, OT, etc for autism but many more hours of ABA. or only cover ABA.

most of it still shit.

some speech & OT & other so called “alternatives to ABA” use behavioral & ABA tactics.

most of it still shit.

for many family, especially those with autistic person diagnosed as “severe” or level 3 and or have extreme behavioral issues etc. their option isn’t “ABA or no ABA.” often, option is “ABA or be labeled as abusive neglectful by government” or “ABA or have child taken away” “you ‘willingly’ enroll in ABA or we take and put them in ABA anyway” or “ABA or lose job.”

most of it still shit.

“ABA or lose job” because school not able or not willing help (because autistic person’s needs “that much”), you keep getting called to pick them up from school, from day care. other people not know how “deal with” your autistic family member, you know how help them a little more but also you sure as hell don’t and are just as lost. so you keep miss work to go pick them up from places that kick them out and you exhausted and you not get sleep because autistic family member needs pretty constant supervision and you not have respite and you not know how help and eventually your job fires you because you keep miss work. and oh did ever mention caring for disabled person extremely expensive? but oh btw there ABA agency you can send autistic family member to for up to 40 hour/week so maybe you can keep job and thus keep roof over head and can still put food on table for family for your autistic family member. oh they also say they may able help with autistic family member behavior so maybe they don’t get kicked out of every necessary service.

most of it still shit.

ABA agencies frequently kick out people deemed too severe or “cannot be helped” or too violent or too many behavioral issues or cause too much harm.

most of it still shit.

in world where may & very often do kill you for seeing you as different thus “threat,” ability mask life saving survival tactic. am talking about POC. am specifically especially talking about Black people. is teaching how mask greater evil than dead killed hatecrimed? sure, no one should have to choose between these two options, but world not care about your morals n your “should”s n your envisioned better future you may or may not be actively help build right now, these people need survive in real world here and now.

most of it still shit.

there (some. a few.) ABA survivors who went thru ABA in past and now who think ABA helped. helped them gain skill. help them prevent harm. some of them don’t see self as abused in ABA or traumatized by ABA. some see it as both abused and helped and grateful for help and hate abuse. some see as both abused and helped and don’t see amount of helped as ever worth abuse.

most of it still shit. (so many were & are abused. n abuse is abuse)

many newer ABA agencies realize ABA heavily criticized n labeled abusive & say they change methods & no longer practice old school ABA & now no longer abusive.

most of it still shit. (many of these agencies still do coercive abusive stuff even if call themselves changed)

some of them maybe truly changed. getting rid of abusive practices, focusing on skill building & adaptive functioning, child-led, instead of drills and forced masking.

most of it still shit.

talk a lot with people who so adamant about “all ABA abuse” “all parents who put child into ABA abused deserve get child taken away” who never was in personal proximity of ABA who. when ask to describe what ABA is in own words, not able to. or give generic response like “abuse & force mask”, but when ask to describe specific methods they do that, not able to. when ask them what discrete trial training and prompting is and what goals may look like and how they write behavioral analysis, never heard of any of them. say listen to ABA survivors, but not able name any individual names. just “oh listen to them online, if you actually listen like me you would know & i wouldn’t need say more so it really your ignorance.” but more often, just get reactionary shut down whole conversation be seen as ableist threat if even be asked first question. how you help advocate for ABA survivors if don’t even know what ABA is? or who ABA survivors? if cannot even talk about ABA? how even fight against your enemy if don’t even know what enemy look like, not able pick out enemy from crowd unless spoon fed?

most of it still shit.

found that. when am talking about ABA. from add nuance to encourage thought provoking questions to even rhetorically ask people to describe ABA. have to repeat emphasize that am not saying ABA all not abusive. even if it first thing i lead with. even if it super clear that am indeed criticizing ABA, just with more grey area and nuances than people used to. lot people will block me from this post just within some paragraphs. lot will block me over saying “most of it still shit” instead of denounce all ABA, when it clear that use of word “most” is deliberate choice n reason of said choice is in every corner of this post. others will finish reading (if even that) and all get out of is repeating “most of it still shit.” made similar posts year(s) ago. and still, find people vague post or explicitly post about me or my post, paint me as evil ABA apologist. whenever come across people who talk about “post where talk about ABA good,” stop and wonder, are they talking about me?

don’t want to talk about ABA because of this. tired, not worth it, often is bad starting point is turn off for people who never seen my posts when have other posts much easier entry point, n start off at bad start may cause them to not listen to me and maybe even other higher support needs and or nonverbal nonspeaking autistics in foreseeable future or ever.

you know, this post started off as “… so you all know i don’t think kindly of ABA right”

throughout write this post, don’t know which part am emphasizing more. the “most of it still shit” part or parts in between.

still. most of it still shit.

#loaf screm #aba tw #aba therapy tw #long post #repetition

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for completely ignoring a very long and thought-out apology message?

TL;DR: Abusive ex sent me apology after two years of silence and I’m not sure I want to acknowledge it.

So I was in a very abusive relationship with my ex for around a year. I’m going to try not to go into too much detail, but I tend to ramble and this is a hard topic for me so I’m sorry in advance if this ends up super long.

When we started dating, it was great for the first six months or so. I noticed certain things that made me question if she could have BPD (intense jealousy, sudden mood switches, impulsivity, self-destructive behaviour) and encouraged her to speak to her therapist about it. She eventually did and was diagnosed with BPD, but she wasn’t able to get on medication for another few months. After that, everything seemed to just… completely spiral. She started to control who I could speak to (I was only allowed to be with friends for an hour, and if I was even a few minutes late she’d be blowing up my phone accusing me of cheating etc. and ignoring me for days), she wanted me to cut off every friend who didn’t like her or warned me about the relationship and would accuse me of disrespecting boundaries if I objected, she would shout at me 24/7 (e.g. we’d be talking fine, she’d tell me she had a headache, I’d say I was sorry, and she’d suddenly be yelling that she didn’t need my pity and that I was patronising her), she constantly tracked where I was and who I was with, she lied to me constantly about things both major and minor, and by the end of it she was physically aggressive. This eventually culminated in her cheating on me, me giving her another chance (zoinks), and her cheating on me again less than a month later with a man she knew had SA’d me in the past. After that I just couldn’t take it anymore and finally got the courage to leave.

This unfortunately made everything worse. She split on me - basically a BPD thing where your opinion on someone goes from love to hate or vice versa in an instant - and she made it her mission to make my life hell. For almost a year and a half after our breakup, she was sending things to my house, to my family’s houses, she was stalking my social medias and sending me death threats from burner accounts, all of her own social medias became solely dedicated to talking about me, and then the worst part - she knew I wanted to go to college to become a primary (elementary) school teacher, and so she called up the college I was going to attend and told them I was a pedophile. She went all out with this accusation and was posting it all over Twitter, messaging my friends, getting her friends to post it - it was crazy. Thankfully it did not actually affect my education because I explained what was going on and I had evidence that things she was saying happened were false, but it was a super terrifying and stressful time.

While that was going on, she used the fact I was an SA victim against me - at one point she told me to “shut up and go get raped again”, and another Tweet she made accusing me of being a pedophile was followed up with “Shame you’ll never get that teaching job, I hear they’re not so kind to people like you in prison”.

Making everything more confusing is the fact that every few months it’s like she’d switch back - she’d send me an apology message, tell all her friends it was a lie, get back in contact with me and tell me she was on meds and going to therapy and everything was getting better, and then a few weeks later she’d be posting about how abusive I was again and blocking me everywhere. It felt like there was nothing I could do - if I ignored it, she’d step it up to get a reaction, and if I did acknowledge it, she’d step it up anyway because I was reacting.

Finally, FINALLY, I threatened to get a restraining order and everything stopped.

Almost two years pass and nothing. I’m now happily engaged to a wonderful girl who was my best friend throughout that whole relationship and knew exactly how affected I was by it. I’m going to therapy, was diagnosed with PTSD, and have been slowly moving on. I still have nightmares about her, and sometimes things will get me (e.g. a few months ago I saw someone who looked like her on TV unexpectedly and had a panic attack), but things are good. Much better. I was thinking of it all much less, I wasn’t dedicating energy to it, I wasn’t even angry or upset anymore, it was just a past lesson I’d learned and didn’t need to worry about anymore.

Then last week I wake up to a message. Again, it’s been two years.

Now, this message was LONG. It was from my ex, apologising for everything she’d done. It was a genuinely nice message and clearly had a lot of thought in it. She said she knew it was selfish to message me when I’d moved on but that she had things to say for her own peace of mind. She said she was happy to see I was engaged, that she’s done a lot of self-reflecting and healing. She said she tried to date again and ended up “karma’d “ - that the relationship was scarily similar to ours but with her in my shoes this time - and that it had made her realise just how disgusting her actions had been and how badly she’d fucked me up. She made it clear she wasn’t looking for forgiveness or to reconnect, just to apologise.

Part of me is mildly skeptical because of the fact she’d apologised multiple times before and it never stuck, but the two year gap and the way it’s phrased makes me believe this is truly genuine. She seems to have matured and changed as a person.

Thing is, I just… can’t bring myself to respond. Every time I go to do it, I remember things she said or did to me and just can’t. I feel like if I just responded and said no hard feelings and explicitly told her I have moved on and am doing better, I could give her the same closure that this apology might eventually give me. It would be closing this chapter for good for both of us and I could just never think about her again.

And yet I just. Haven’t. I’m scared to open the window of communication again in any way, I’m scared it’ll be taken back, I’m scared that this will take me back to square one because she’s put herself back in my life (even tangentially) and now I’m thinking about her again after so long of trying so hard to heal.

So WIBTA if I just… didn’t acknowledge it? If I let her essentially wonder forever it it was ever seen or read because I just don’t know what to do about it, even if I’m potentially keeping closure from her for my own comfort?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[copperbadge]

(same anon) I've been following you ever since I joined (recognised your name from the potter fandom lol) and I don't think of you as particularly oddly shaped, truly I don't. I have made two very good writer friends here/on AO3, one of whom only joined on here so we could chat, and with the other one I might meet up at some point this year! And there's nothing about these relationships that feels particularly parasocial to me. I think if you start looking or keep an open mind, tumblr is the only online place I would trust to actually deliver a real relationship (says the permanently single demisexual... so what do I know. but yeah :D)

I'm glad you're making friends in fandom!

I do think in some ways you're proving my point, though -- you don't think of me as someone who would struggle to date, but you only know me from tumblr. Even if you've known me from tumblr for a long time, which does convey more knowledge of a person, it's still a medium with a lot of filters on it, and I use those very deliberately at times.

And this is my community -- I don't want to be creeping on people here, even if I know how to go about it in a non-creepy fashion. When I was younger I did occasionally have relationships in fandom but they tended to end badly for reasons that eventually made me realize it was a bad idea to begin with. And at this point anyway it'd feel weird, like hitting on someone at a family reunion.

I'd love to think that as an amiable person who was literally diagnosed as charming I wouldn't struggle to find a partner, but that's why I think it's not really something I can change, it's just...a thing that is. Don't know why, but there's a lot of things I don't know. It's difficult to try the usual things, speed dating and singles nights and meetup groups and apps, and get consistent radio silence back while watching some real true dipshits find someone to tolerate them, but it's also reasonably hard data, especially after a certain sample size. There comes a point where you look at the potential return on investment and say, "Well, I guess that's not going to happen for me." It sounds sad and it is at times, but as I said in notes on the other post, I've never felt incomplete or like I couldn't go out and live life without a partner. It's just one part of life, and part of being an adult is accepting that we don't always get everything we want.

[peachpitlover]

Pinky Promise?

Summary (Requested): Reader with BPD leaves JJ before he can leave her. @ellaemott

Pairings: JJ Maybank x Reader

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: Mentions of BPD and insecurity.

My Masterlists

You couldn’t help the way your heart dropped at the sight in front of you: JJ was sitting at the Wreck as a beautiful blonde talked to him. Her flirtatious smile was visible from a great distance, and when he returned the smile with a cunning one, it made your heart squeeze. You no longer wanted to show him the seashell that had reminded you of him; instead, you stuffed it into your pocket to throw into the ocean later. You thought to yourself, ‘maybe she is a better match for him.’ And he definitely seemed to like her; maybe he was going to leave you for her. You were so shaken when you walked out of the Wreck. Rushing out as fast as you could, you climbed on your bike and started riding home, tossing the nearly forgotten shell into the marsh as you went. 'What did I think I was doing giving him a stupid shell? I bet she wouldn’t do something silly like that.’

As soon as you got home, you went straight upstairs and locked your bedroom door behind you, sliding down the back of the door as you began to cry. Gut-wrenching sobs wracked your body at the thought of JJ and the girl at the Wreck. Your mind was filled with degrading thoughts you couldn’t seem to shake off. “He’s better off without her; he seems much happier than he is with me. How could I be so stupid? JJ would never go for someone like me.” Having been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, you were aware that these thoughts were unreal and wholly untrue, but in your frazzled state, you were unable to distinguish your own emotions from the insecurities.

You eventually managed to get yourself up from the ball you had curled yourself into on the floor, moving to your bed to hide for another few hours. Though you were still filled with insecurity, you eventually calmed down enough and pulled out an old cardboard box from your closet before completely tearing your room apart, searching for every piece of JJ left behind. You shoved his belongings in the box along with other things that reminded you of him: gum wrappers he’d folded into hearts for you, his habitual theft of your sweater when staying at your house, his underwear, random items of clothing, and swim shorts he kept at your house “in case of emergency,” and his toothbrush. With his things carelessly thrown into the box, you reluctantly walked over to the Chateau. You knew JJ had plans to surf with John B. and Pope, so you left the box in front of the front door for him to find.

Early that morning, JJ had gotten out of bed to meet Vanessa at the Wreck. Pope, who was beyond clueless, was the focus of her attention, and JJ had agreed to assist her. They had breakfast together and came up with the ideal arrangement for her to invite Pope to Midsummers. After that, JJ decided against surfing as the water was calm and settled for going out on the boat with John B., Pope, and Kiara instead, but in all honesty, he couldn’t wait to shower at the Chateau and go to your house after messing around all day. It would be an understatement to say that his heart sank when he opened the box bearing his name and identified the contents as his possessions kept at your home. He ignored his friends’ calls as he ran off to his bike and rode to your house as fast as he could. He could hear his rapid heartbeat in his ears as his mind played out every worst-case scenario possible. But he genuinely couldn’t think of a realistic reason as to why you would do this.

He didn’t even bother to park his bike; he hopped off and let it fall to the ground as he ran up to the front door. He fished in his pocket for the spare key you had given him before letting himself inside, and he immediately went to your room.

Behind the closed door of your room, you were once again bundled under your covers as you let insecurity take over. In your mess of blankets and tears, you didn’t hear JJ open your bedroom door and come in.

“What was that box doing at the Chateau?” He spoke gently as he sat at the foot of your bed.

“Go away, JJ,” you whimpered as you tried to gain control of the tears that flowed down your cheeks.

“No, baby, talk to me. What happened?”

“It's over, JJ; you can go be with that girl from the Wreck. It’s fine; you don’t have to hide it.”

“Y/n, what are you talking about?” He pushed as he pulled the covers away from your face to see your teary-eyed face.

“Kie told me you were at the Wreck, so I went to surprise you, and I saw you with that blonde girl. Go be with her; she suits you more,” you said as more tears brimmed in your eyes.

“Vanessa?” He asked.

“Whatever her name is.”

“Baby!” JJ smiled knowingly. “Vanessa has a crush on Pope, and he’s a dumbass, so she asked me to help her.”

“But she was smiling all flirty-like! And you were smiling back at her!”

JJ knew that you getting defensive wasn’t against him. He was aware that BPD could make you feel insecure and that this was somewhat inevitable. “She was asking me about you, you know. ‘Asking if you know what you’re gonna wear to Midsummers.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I told her that we are gonna match and some other things that I can’t tell you until I officially ask you to be my date.” JJ smiled with a wink.

“JJ,” you whined with a soft smile. “I’m sorry for being all irrational. I know you’d never do something like that; I don’t know what happened.”

“I know, baby, but always talk to me first, alright?”

“Promise,” you grinned.

“Pinky promise?” He pouted in mockery of the cute ritual you love so much.

“Pinky promise, do you forgive me?”

“I don’t know, it's gonna take a while,” he feigned contemplation of what you could give him in return.

“I’ll give you thirty minutes of free back scratches,” you said confidently.

“Deal! Starting now, go,” he demanded as he swiftly took his shirt off and threw himself onto your bed.

You couldn’t help but giggle at your golden retriever-like boyfriend, and you got to work.

#peach’s writing #jj maybank #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank writing #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank request #jj obx #jj #jj maybank blurb

[writingseaslugs]

Ignihyde: When You're Sick

Ah the Shroud brothers, one is my little pog champ, and the other is honorary little brother. I love them both so much and I just hmmmm I don’t know why they’re both such a huge form of comfort for me as of late. Here’s some good boys taking care of you while sick!

The intro is the same in all parts, so feel free to skip if you’ve already read it.

Disclaimer: All characters in this series are aged up. For more information about my version of this world and the type of reader you can expect, please click the “Au Information” below!

Request Information | Masterlist | Au Information

Ignihyde: When You’re Sick

The worst thing to ever happen to you while attending Night Raven College had to be, hands down, getting sick. You were alone in the dorm with only ghosts and Grim to keep you company, and as much as you loved them, they couldn’t take care of you when you became sick. This meant you had to make do and hope that everything was alright. Normally if you were under the weather, you’d just suck it up and go to class so as to not worry anyone. This time however, that wasn’t an option.

You woke up with every muscle in your body feeling sore and aching with even the slightest movement. Your stomach churned something fearsome and you had a runny nose and cough to boot. You had no idea what illness you had fallen to. Having so many symptoms…you could only assume it was the flu or something akin to that.

Still, there was no way you were making it to class like this. So begrudgingly you told Grim you weren’t feeling good and needed to rest, and to go to class and get your homework so you could do it later. The demon cat was grumpy about not having his henchman, but eventually gave in, leaving you alone to rest in your room and hope that whatever you had would go away.

Idia Shroud

Idia is going to take a while to figure out that you’re sick. He finds out near the end of the day when he logs on to play a game with you and notices that you’re not online. After shooting you a quick text to see if you were still down and getting no response, he sends Ortho to check in on you secretly. When Ortho reports that you seem to be at the dorm, sick as a dog, Idia feels worried and is pacing around his room, deciding if he wants to check in on you himself, or just send Ortho. He eventually decides to go there himself, despite the anxieties telling him not to.

He’s doing his research on the way to your dorm, as well as asking Ortho to help diagnose you. He’s not experienced in the slightest, and normally when he’s sick he’s either rotting away or Ortho is taking care of him. So really he has no idea what to do with someone who’s sick, but he’s seen enough romance anime to know some of the basics, so that’s what he’s going with. Thankfully Ortho is checking in to see what’s wrong with you, and then going into nurse mode until Idia shoos him away, telling him he can handle it.

He’s going to be doing the basics, like making sure you have some food and medicine, but other than that he’s hands off. He’s handing you the thermometer to take your own temperature, and he’s definitely not going to be feeding you. Still, he does give you one of his handheld consoles so you can play while you’re awake, and whenever you’re asleep he takes over and just relaxes on the chair in the corner of your room and plays his games. Thankfully he does notice when you’re awake though, despite how immersed he can sometimes get. He’s almost hyper aware of every movement you make.

Once you’re better he’s going to be a bit flustered as you thank him for taking care of you. He’s going to be stuttering over his words, saying it was nothing and not to mention it. His cheeks are a beautiful scarlet, as well as the tips of his hair, but he can’t stop smiling at being told he did a good job in something irl. He is going to be asking if this means you’d be willing to do a few raids with him though, as thanks. It’s up to you, but honestly why not? He’ll probably buy you some video game skins as well, so there’s always an incentive to do raids all night.

Ortho Shroud

Ortho likes to always greet you in the mornings, so when he notices that you aren’t with Grim, he’s going detective mode. He’s asking Grim exactly where you are, and when he says that you’re sick, Ortho is flying over to your dorm. He’s not even going to let Grim finish his sentence, one of his best friends is sick at home and has nobody to take care of them…not to mention this is the perfect excuse to use all the new gadgets that Idia gave him. He thinks the pinkie nail pill cutter is just the funnest thing and he’s planning on using it whether you need pills or not.

 He has a nurse protocol integrating into his coding, so he’s probably the most adept out of everyone for tackling things. He could probably perform surgery if that’s what you needed…but thankfully you don’t. He is able to diagnose you with a flu right away after doing a basic scan, and he’s already formulating a care plan for you and emailing his instructors to send over your homework, as well as his own. He’ll do it for both of you so you don’t need to stress about it, then go over it all when you’re feeling better.

You’d think you were at a hospital with how Ortho takes care of it. Everything is precise and he’s even taking your vitals. He’s having a blast as well, using every gadget he owns for this exact moment. Normally he only gets to use them on Idia, and half the time his older brother tells him not to since it’s not needed. You’re a bit too sick to even do that, so you just let him. Thankfully he makes sure you have several small meals that are perfect for an upset stomach and sore throat, and he’s serving tea with your medication and something about the tea is made just right to wash away the bitter tasting medicine. 

Ortho is going to insist that he monitors your condition for a few days after you’re all better. It’s not really an option either, so just be prepared for Ortho to show up at random intervals to take your vitals again and ask you some questions. He is also going to be going over all the work and classes you missed, so you don’t fall behind. After all the business side is done, he might be asking if you’d be okay to play games with him. He’s been having fun, sure, but now he wants to do something with you.

#Twisted Wonderland #Twisted Wonderland x Reader #TWST #TWST x Reader #TWST Wonderland #Twisted Wonderland Disney #TWST Disney #Idia Shroud #Idia Shroud x Reader #Idia x Reader #Ortho Shroud #Ortho Shroud and Reader #Ortho and Reader

[tonkatsubowl]

lily of the valley.

dan hen x reader

➽ angst. one sided love. getting over it. (vent writing 😔)

hanahaki (花吐き病) is a (fictional) disease where the victim's heart and lungs are contaminated by flowers. this disease is common through one sided love, and the only cure is when the victim's love interest returns the same feelings or the victim dies.

the symptoms of this disease started showing just about a week ago, and you didn't really tell anyone.

you knew the moment you told himeko or welt, you'd be sent towards the infirmary with panic, and possibly be given surgery to remove the flowers in your system.

hanahaki was a common disease that nobody was exactly knowledgeable of, but you had every symptom of hanahaki, and had self diagnosed it. you remember waking up and rushing to the toilet with the immense urge to vomit, but out came flower petals.

bloody flower petals.

they looked like petals of a rose, but they were cherry blossoms drenched in your own blood. you already knew—and you expected this. dan heng didn't return your feelings, and you already knew... yet why did it hurt?

you took a moment to clean the bloody mess at the toilet, making sure it was spotless and not an entire murder scene. you eventually looked at the mirror, not entirely surprised that you falling in love would lead to consequences like this.

again, you thought. my heart isn't fit for anyone.

every time you trusted your heart with someone, it would backfire. and now, you are experiencing a floral disease and the reality that dan heng didn't return your feelings... even if he didn't verbally say it, the disease said otherwise.

...but you wanted him to be happy. was it march? it was probably march who caught his feelings and attention. after all, you came after march had joined the astral express, so you weren't surprised that the two had some sort of emotional bond before you came around.

after all... seeing them together — hearing their names together in a sentence... it hurt, didn't it?

but you wanted him to be happy.

here you are, in the middle of an expedition to xianzhou luofu, accompanied by dan heng and march. usually in these expeditions, you'd always find yourself traveling consistently for the sake of... well, others' errands. you always ran errands and this time, you just kept doing it.

you wanted to give yourself a break, but running these errands had definitely helped you numb that painful feeling that tugged on your heartstrings.

"alright, the last one is... ah, i just need you to deliver these to my grandmother. she doesn't live that far."

the woman who gave you a consistent amount of (and promising rewards each time) errands had noticed you were somewhat distraught today. physically, you were fine. you were able to put up a façade each time, but she read your eyes.

"... ah. is everything alright?"

you blink, fighting those words for dear life. you wanted to cry the moment you heard those words.

"i'm okay!"

i'm not.

"i see. well, you just seemed a bit off today, is all, y/n. but please, if you wish to talk to me... i am always here."

you nod, smiling, lying through your teeth. "i will! thank you."

then you took off before your eyes had stung even more, causing you to burst into tears. luckily, you made it in time in an alleyway, especially when your lungs and your heart were beginning to irritate from the growth of the flowers.

you coughed violently, petals spilling from your mouth as blood dripped from the corners of your mouth. you wheezed, unable to breathe as you lied down, trying to find your breath... but it was painful. too painful. you were crying too, and you couldn't even bear the pain anymore.

a side of you wanted to tell someone, but you didn't want to be a burden... so you spent a good hour or two recollecting yourself before getting up to deliver the package to your client's grandmother.

it didn't take very long, and you were successful to find her location... until you saw the horror on the elderly woman's face.

she screamed, and that was when your world went black.

the sounds of electronic beeping had woken you up, as well as the sounds of welt's and himeko's voice in the distance...and march's voice with dan heng's. you felt bitter immediately.

when you had woken up, your vision was a blur, but you were well aware where you were at.

the infirmary room.

"ah, y/n's awake!"

your eyes peel towards the sound of the voice, and you saw march standing over you with worry in her eyes.

you were bitter, but you couldn't be petty.

dan heng was right next to her, a worried expression painted across his visage as he looked at you.

"are you alright?" he asked.

but you couldn't talk very well, realizing the doctors had given you an oxygen mask—which also prevented flowers from being spilled from your mouth.

"leave me." your tone was bitter, forcing yourself to talk anyway. both march and dan heng were taken back by this, puzzled to why you wanted them to go away.

"... huh? wait, leave you? why would we—" march began.

"i said—" you ripped off the mask, throwing it to the side, "—leave me alone!"

you were angry. sad. you didn't mean to throw it. you didn't mean to yell. you were just so... sad.

that was when flowers began to bloom from your organs again, spilling from your lips. blood was everywhere again, and you could see himeko and welt rushing inside of the room when they heard the commotion. the doctor that they were speaking to followed in after, and welt had grabbed dan heng and march, leading them out.

soon, it was just only you... and himeko in the room, with your doctor.

"y/n..." himeko sat next to you, brushing her hand against your hair. you could smell the espresso from her being this close to you. "love... love is such a terrible thing. but you cannot let it control you."

you didn't say anything.

"it's hard." you finally say. "this is my fault. i fell in love, and now i'm falling into something where i can't get out of."

himeko pursed her lips. she shook her head.

"... it takes time for this kind of thing to ease away from your life. if you wish, i can allow you to stay away from the others for a bit. let you stay in herta's space station for a few weeks or as long as you need ... to let you lose those feelings."

you fell silent for a moment. it would be best... this option was probably the best course to take.

but it was still painful. not being able to see him.

but you had to do this for the sake of... well. you.

you weren't loyal to anyone but your mission. you didn't owe anyone anything. you just wanted the pain to stop — so you...

"yeah. i'll take your offer on it."

that was when you took your phone, "i'll block everyone but you and welt. i don't want any messages from... you know."

"i understand." himeko nodded, a worried expression still on her countenance. "ah, and..." she turned her head back towards the doctor who remained in the room, silent, and uninterrupting.

"ah, yes. the vial," the doctor nods, pulling out his flask, "take this twice a day, preferably with food. it'll help your symptoms of any chest and heart pain."

"...thanks."

for now, you were asta's errand person. arlan had accompanied you on these expeditions in the space stations, and you often participated in herta's simulated universe now that you were here a lot.

you tried not to think about it, especially during your sessions in the simulated universe.

"you're not thinking straight again." you hear herta's voice. "i'm pausing it."

that was when you got kicked out of the simulated universe, and you had finally returned back to reality. your eyes shift to herta, puzzled. "eh?"

"you normally fight better, but clearly your disease... no, something is bothering you. let's talk."

you frown, knowing you can't get out of this situation. it had been three weeks since you were sent to the infirmary, but here you were... thinking you'd feel better within a few weeks, but herta was right. you haven't been doing well at all.

"self love," herta said, brushing away bangs from her face as she looked at you, "i think you lack it."

you raise a brow. "what? what do you—"

"instead of worrying about that boy," she began, "worry about yourself. i know it's hard. but i can't honestly relate considering i've never had the troubles of falling in love with measly people... and i let my puppets speak for me."

you sat down when herta gestured you towards an empty tea. out came a tea and some cups, sugar and cream.

"...love will come to you eventually, but don't let it try to control how you think about your own life, or how you want to pursue on with your path to your... well, dreams."

herta poured some tea into your cup, tossing in a sugar cube.

you watched as the sugar slowly dissolve into your hot tea, listening quietly to herta.

"instead of worrying about him... i think you should fixate on your own personal goals. start off small. then become the person you thought you'd never be."

you nod slowly, silent.

she was right. love... was a double edged situation, but you decided you shouldn't let something control your life. as much as it hurt, you had so much to experience in life.

who knows — perhaps someone else would come around? no, let's not think about someone else.

you wanted to think about you.

there was a glimmer of confidence in your eyes as you stood up.

"wait, y/n... you didn't even touch your tea—"

"let's continue with the simulated universe project."

herta blinked, staring at you with disbelief for a moment before a sly grin tugged her lips.

"... right. let's get on with it."

#honkai star rail #hsr #hsr x reader #dan heng #hsr dan heng #honkai star rail den hang #hanahaki

[deusvervewrites]

Izuku has Superman’s main powerset (photosynthesis, flight, heat vision, even more eye stuff, super strength speed and durability)

As the Era of Chaos ended and All Might began the never-ending battle, The HPSC came together with some degree of power for the first time since Quirks appeared. Seeing titans like All Might and All For One, and the devastation that only now was starting to be cleared up, they reached a decision. "Never again."

This project would take decades to bear fruit, and most of the resources for it were redirected towards similar projects, like Nagant and Hawks. But eventually, the HPSC produced a genetically modified child who drew power from the sun that would grant him incredible power. Someone they could wield. But there was a problem. Higher-ups in the HPSC disagreed about what they wanted to do with the newborn, and this infighting drew attention from All For One's informants.

All For One sent his forces to raid the secret lab so he could take the child himself. All Might arrived to intercept these Villain, correctly deducing their affiliation. In the aftermath of the battle, no one knew who the child was or where they came from, and he was placed into foster care.

Inko wanted a child, but was happily single, so she adopted. Her new son, Izuku, ended up not getting his Quirk, and was diagnosed as Quirkless at age four, but that didn't change how much she loved him. Nor did it explain why he never seemed to get hurt growing up. Or how he always seemed strong for his age.

This comes to a head about halfway through Junior High when his powers start properly coming in, leaving him struggling to control the new, unexpected abilities.

There was another ask about Midoriya learning he was half-Kryptonian in his second year at Junior High, but I couldn't find a good way to work that in without having an existing Kryptonian on Earth, which quickly overcomplicated all of my thoughts on where to take the AU

#asks #ask game #ask game series 16 #solar au

[ladysomething]

4 other lestappen fics after this one? 😏

hehehe well now you've done it!!!!

behold, the other fics in waiting, including snippets from what I've already written of them.

in likely posting order, they are:

Post Aus GP fic where Max and Charles have been hooking up casually for a while and they both need to let some steam out after the race. daddy kink!

"Charles doesn’t text Max back until just past midnight. 

It’s a little earlier than Max expected, really. Back when every win for the team was hard fought, Max usually didn’t stumble back to his hotel until after the sun rose. 

Then again, if the team won, it was usually because it was him. Not his teammate. The circumstances are different. 

Charles replies with a room number, then says, I’m already back. Come when you can. 

Max see’s no point in waiting around—he’s been itching for this for hours, and Charles probably knows it. Instead, he quietly pushes back the sheets of his bed and slips out. He puts jeans on over his boxers, and then pulls on a sweatshirt, and pretends he can’t see Kelly watching him in the low light of his lit up phone screen. 

She doesn’t say anything when he slips the hotel key in his pocket, nor when he walks out the door, so Max doesn’t either. He knows she more than suspects he’s having an affair, but he’s not sure she know who it’s with. By now, she’s surely clued in to the fact that it’s somebody associated with F1 and who is always wherever he is."

hanhaki au where Hanahaki is a chronic illness developed when one keeps their feelings/emotions inside, and Max and Charles are both suffering from it.

"“You really haven’t spoken to him?” Daniel asks as Max picks the next track. 

Max rolls his tongue on the roof of his mouth as he tries to figure out how to answer. 

“I didn’t really want to talk to anybody after I was diagnosed,” he says eventually, hoping it’s enough to sate both Daniel and his own symptoms. His chest always gets tight when he talks about Charles these days, no matter how honest he is. Francois says it’s because he’s been living with the disease for a long time, now; that Hanahaki is degenerative, and soon he might not even be able to think about Charles in passing without coughing up flowers. 

“Sure, but Charles isn’t you,” Daniel answers. “He’s a yapper. It’s how he processes things. And being about to talk to someone who actually understands would be extra helpful, I’m sure.” 

Max knows all of that, obviously. He’s in love with the man—of course he knows it. 

Max just . . . doesn’t know how to be that person for him. He doesn’t know how to be comforting, he wasn’t built for it. He was built for ruthlessness, precision, for seeking out weakness and using them to his advantage."

fake Max autobiography that he releases in 2033. parts of the story are how the people he used to be friends with (so people on the current grid) react to what he reveals in the book, and then one who chapter is just a whole fake chapter from the memoir. that's the chapter I've written, so here's a piece from it!

"I don’t think there’s anything I can really do to make up for what I did to Charles. He and I haven’t spoken since I retired, in case you were wondering. 

Even the email exchange I talked about earlier actually went through our managers. 

Honestly, I don’t even think I deserve his forgiveness. He put up with me when no-one else would, loved me fully and completely, put me back together, tore me apart, then put me back together again. 

In some ways, I think he saved me. 

In other ways, he saved himself from me. 

I’m endlessly grateful for both. 

I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I can recognise now that a lot of my behaviours were because of the trauma I experienced at the hands of my father. I can also recognise that I need to take responsibility for them, because I was a grown adult making decisions of my own free will. 

I’m paying my penance for it, regardless. 

There is no chance that I will ever love anybody the way I loved Charles. It’s just too unlikely, that I could be lucky enough to meet a second person on this planet that made me feel like he did. 

But you don’t need to feel pity. You don’t need to be angry with me, either. I can assure you, I do plenty enough of both for all of us. 

And I’m fine. Life is fine. I’m far from unhappy. 

I know what I sacrificed. I know what I gave up. I know what I traded, to win what I won, to have what I do. 

And if there is one lesson my father taught me that I’m grateful for, it’s this: 

I know that I can bear a burden."

finally, a body swap!au in which Charles wishes to be World Champion, and instead body swaps with Max.

"“Make your decision, Mister Leclerc,” Althea says, not even looking up at him as she continues to sort her things. “Do you want to be Champion?” 

Charles’ breath hitches in his chest. 

“Yes,” he says decisively. He knows he can pick a secret that will satisfy Althea without it being life-destroyed. “Do I tell you the secret now?” 

He sifts through his memories, trying to come up with something he might be comfortable sharing. 

But all that comes up are things he would never say; how he’d once told Arthur that their parents didn’t love him and then felt terrible when his little brother had burst into tears; that he’d cried after having sex with a girl for the first and only time because he’d so desperately wished he could just like it and be normal; that he’d told Jules that he was in love with him and Jules had awkwardly patted his head and said it was probably just a crush and that he’d get over it, and, worse, that Jules had been right and he’d moved his attentions to a boy his own age by the end of the week; the terrible, awful, things he feels for—

Althea inhales sharply, eyes sliding closes. 

“Yes,” she breathes. “That.” 

Charles rips his hand away from hers, breathing deeply. “You—can you—” 

She raises a brow at him, pressing her red-painted lips together. 

“Get out of my head,” he commands hotly, standing up so fast his chair falls back, slamming against the ground."

#anon ask #lestappen fic #lestappen fic ideas

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Not really a question but I just need to say this to someone who will understand. Also, people have asked you questions what a meltdown looks like. So this is mine, one of the worst I've ever had in my adult life.

I'm 40 years old and am so good at masking that I wasn't diagnosed as autistic until my mid-30s. Normally, I can blend into most social situations. However, I have been in constant pain for 2 months due to a medical issue, and the exhaustion of pain that will never stop has eroded away all the mask. I am now 100% Naked Autistic, because I am burned out beyond anything I've ever felt in my life.

Yesterday I had a complete and utter meltdown in the doctor's office, and it was terrifying. First, he entered the room angry, yelling at me to "stop being rude to my staff". I'm extremely sensitive to being called "rude" because that's what I've been called all my life, just for existing. I've internalized it and now I know, my existence is rude. So whenever someone calls me "rude", it hurts very deeply, even when I'm NOT in a burnout state.

This doctor was SO angry and yelled at me SO much and I couldn't hold it together, I started to cry. He told me to calm down "or else", but I was already in the middle of a meltdown, I literally couldn't.

Then he gave me bad medical news. My test results were inconclusive and didn't show what was wrong with me. Which meant there was no hope of my pain ending any time soon.

Thankfully my mother was there and she helped me communicate, and we at least got him to order more tests, and to prescribe me a new medication to try. But at no point did he become kind or merciful; it was clear from his face that he just wanted me out of his sight as quickly as possible, because I am "rude".

At that point I was so overwhelmed with emotions that I turned into an animal. I had to escape; my flight response kicked in HUGE. I ran out of there. The minute I was in the hall I started to scream at the top of my lungs, and I could not stop. I punched the concrete wall over and over (my hand is all bruised today, I think I'm lucky that it's not broken). People in the hall were terrified of me. Rightly so. I was violent and out of control. I tried to rip the pictures of the walls, but they were screwed down.

My mother was brilliant. She knew I couldn't stop, or speak, or listen. She said to me "Our goal is to get to the car. Let's get to the car. We can do it." Simple, clear direction that was easy to follow. I couldn't stop screaming or crying, but I could walk. She put her hand on my shoulder and guided me, down the hall, out the door, into the car. Because if I'd stayed in the building with that behavior, police could have been called. Very bad things could have happened. She saved me from that.

I screamed in the car for a long time. I could only sob and cry and scream. I think about a half hour went by. It was a long time. Finally, because I was in a safe place (our familiar car), with a person I trusted (my mother), the worst of the meltdown passed and I was able to stop screaming.

I was exhausted. I was terrified. My hand was killing me. I was like a puppy or a little child, helpless to my overwhelming emotions. Eventually, Mom asked if I'd like to get a donut from the donut shop across the street. She moved my mind onto something else. The donut tasted delicious (I mean its a donut), and that pleasant sensory input helped me focus my mind. I finally calmed down enough that we could talk.

I am 40 years old, live independently, have a professional career, a long-term relationship with my partner, and otherwise appear to be a "successful allistic". But yesterday, I was absolutely nonfunctional. If I didn't have my needs supported by my mother, who knows what could have happened.

I am much better today. Exhausted from everything, but not overwhelmed anymore. I'm telling this story so that others who go through a meltdown can know what it is- and why they're suddenly acting like that. It's because of my autistic brain, and the fact that it was overwhelmed with more emotion than a body can handle or express.

But it passes. It ends. The next day comes, and you can try to heal.

Hi there,

Thank you for sharing your experiences. I’m not sure if you’re seeing that doctor or not, but I would try and distance myself if you work together, or see each other.

That doctor, or whoever it was, is the rude one, yelling at people and being disrespectful and not understanding. Who walks in and randomly starts yelling at people?

I sometimes have my boyfriend or mom speak for me because sometimes I don’t know what to say or do in certain situations.

Sorry for the rambling. Thanks again for sharing. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

Also please try and get away from that doctor. Reading this made me sad and angry. I’m sorry you had to deal with this. Sending a hug.

#inbox #inbox reply #inbox is open

[alexissara]

Trans Awareness and Remembrance

Being trans is something special, it means so many things to so many people and even people who should feel the same things the internal sense of something can still be so wildly different. Being trans is a core part of who I am, not just in that a core part of who I am is a woman but that being trans is a core part of me as well. I've often said if I was AFAB I'd probably say that my gender was just Lesbian but given the cards I was dealt with at birth being a woman and a lesbian are both important to me.

For me, coming out as trans was a long journey from when I found out about trans woman, and the reason it took so long was because of my status as a lesbain. It was the early internet, I lied about my age online so I could access age gated websites doing my best to type and behave like an adult to not get caught. I enter a fourm for trans women and gender change fetishists. Here, I learned more in detail about trans women. However, early 2000s internet trans women were 200% what we in the modern day would call truescum. You had to desire many surgeries, be utterly dysphoric, and the biggest barrier for me, you had to be straight. I fought back, and I was a passionate defender of trans lesbains on that fourm and around the net, but I did internalize it. I didn't want to be a woman, I wasn't a woman, I liked women. If I got with women, I'd not want to magically wake up as one, I'd stop fixating over ways to become a woman, at least beyond the way it had become a fetish. So I did, I dated a lot of women in my freshmen year of high school, I was always chasing after girls, especially bi women and women who wanted to dress me up like a girl. At the end of my freshman year, I would get with my current Fiancée who would explore their own gender and sexuality along with me.

I would spend several years convincing myself my desires were just a fetish even my telling my partner about my fetish came out in weepy tears as if I was coming out as trans because at that point I had to tie that to my identity, it was something that consumed a lot of my time with roleplays and what not becoming my central light in my life where I could play a woman or play someone becoming a woman. I'd eventually meet my long time long distance GFs through and through her status and a out trans woman started to push me towards finally leaving behind the pretext of fetish to explain my deep depression, my deep longing and my deep desire. After many years of concealing and doing my best to not be feeling my Fiancé and GF had a little intervention for me. They talked to me about being non binary and about my own transness and that I was probably trans and that both of them would happily accept me and that it was okay for me to be myself. I rejected it that night but the very next morning, I looked into the mirror, realized I couldn't keep up what I was doing and came out as gender fluid to them.

It would take a bit longer for me to admit what I had known since I was in middle school and first saw the world Trans Woman, when I first read Ramana 1/2, when I saw the body swap episodes of TV shows, that I wanted to be a girl, to have a woman's body, to live in community with other women and be a woman, that I was a woman and I had pushed it back for so long. I'd go to a university therapist to get formally diagnosed with gender dysphoria, I did get it and a letter of recommendation for a gender change and for getting on meds. I would start soon after and never look back. I spent so long doubting that once I was on the path to being a woman it was clear to me.

At that point being a lesbian seemed pretty obvious to me, it would take me a while to be set on what kind of asexual I was and before accepting I was trans I did for a few years ID as bisexual just because I knew I was some kind of queer but it was really just me trying to find a way to be in community while not being able to express my other aspects of queerness yet. I did talk about my label with my partner who was on his own gender journey but they were insistent that me being a lesbian didn't invalidate their own non binary masculinity or make them feel bad so I finally reached the point I had wanted to hit all those years ago, being a Lesbian and a trans woman.

I explain all this just to say to other people who might feel like because their sexuality or whatever else they can't be a woman, that they need to be some platonic ideal of the average cis/het white woman to be a trans woman it isn't true. You can be your true self whatever sexuality you have and whatever presentation you might want and anything else. You get to decide what being a woman means to you. It's worth being yourself even when I was in the pit of Texas, even when I lost family, I never regrated being myself, I finally wanted to be alive and I would trade any danger for the enjoyment of the living.

#trans awareness #transgender awareness week #TDOV #Trans #Transgender #Transbian #Trans Lesbian #Queer #Lesbian #Personal

[happy-tree-huggers]

Is it okay to ask for Flippy (w/ appearance of Fliqpy) and his S/O who has anxiety? No need to get in in some graphic detail. They have been diagnosed for months now but told him recently. How does he react and handle it? Especially if he’s triggered…

Thanks!

Flippy - S/O Reader Who Is Diagnosed With Anxiety, but Has Been Hiding It

Note: Of course it's okay! And, haha, don't mind me suddenly turning a request into a dinner date... Word Count: 0.8k Warnings: PTSD, anxiety

♡ It's shocking that an apprehensive individual like yourself would have ever fallen for someone who could so easily set off your unease, but everything that was lovely about Flippy just seemed to stick out to you easily. You were always by his side, no matter how reclusive you were, and he adored you for it. So, it was no surprise that the two of you eventually became partners!

♡ Flippy was aware that you were quite the jumpy person, a bit shy even, but he hadn't expected it to be any sort of bigger problem. When something scared you, or you were stressed about anything at all, he would simply be there to reassure you that everything was alright.

♡ Now, it's quite astonishing that at this point you hadn't yet encountered this supposed "violent side" of Flippy, but you've heard (and still do hear of) the stories from the neighbors. You're aware of his PTSD, but he had never acted on anything when you're around him. But... you can't help but be worried. Flippy would never hurt you, right?

♡ Eventually Flippy does notice—not only your nervousness when around him, but your ever-increasing anxiety—and he asks if there is anything wrong. (You feel horrible; you shouldn't be afraid of your boyfriend over something that might not even be true, you think.) It takes you a long while to answer, stuttering over your own skittish breath, but you answer in a half-truth, admitting that you had extreme anxiety and that it was just... most likely acting up recently. But, you would never ask him about any of the rumors you've heard.

♡ Flippy, as surprised as you were, was incredibly supportive of you, feeling guilty himself that he had always just thought you were a bit shyer than the average person, though he supposed it made sense. Nonetheless, he would never do anything to make you feel uncomfortable or anxious. At least now you wouldn't have to hide your medications...

♡ Then, on a tranquil night, Flippy offers to take you out to dinner at a small restaurant. After a lot of subtle bargaining, you agree; it was certainly something rare to go out for you, as you were opposed to the idea of being out in the open in public. Anything could go wrong, you insisted. But, tonight would be different! Just a simple dinner night.

♡ When the two of you had arrived and waited for service, Flippy noticed you shrinking back when the waiter asked for your order—and of course, being the gentleman he was, ordered your food for you. You thanked him with an awkward laugh, and waited for your food in a calming silence, peering at him across the table. For once, you had forgotten about those horrible rumors.

♡ Though, your "calming silence" was quickly destroyed when the sound of crackling thunder rang out and shook the building. Your whole body jerked in sudden fear at the sound, nearly not noticing when Flippy himself did the same. You notice another flash of lightning outside the window and you cover your ears and close your eyes, hoping to block out the inevitable sound.

♡ The moment you open your eyes and uncover your ears, you notice Flippy's eyes. His whole face, rather. It was different; angry, somewhat. His claws gripped the edges of the table, leaving sharp indents.

♡ Now, normally those violent thoughts would be swimming in his head by now, but all he could focus on was your trembling. Your confused eyes darted around to his, and your brain finally clicked the pieces together.

♡ At this point, the other customers had taken notice of Flippy and quickly fled. Meanwhile, you were practically trapped under his gaze.

♡ Your mind filled with fear, and on instinct you slide out from your seat and try to sprint away towards the exit. Naturally, Flippy is easily more reflexive and faster than you in this state, and with a yellow flash of his eyes, he was upon you—and was now crushing you in his grip. Quite literally—he was hugging you, and he couldn't understand why. Perhaps it was pity, or love, or some other lost sympathy, but he didn't want you to leave. Arms trapped under his scarily strong ones, you couldn't escape if you wanted to. He had you in a death grip.

♡ The moment your shaking lips whimper out his name is when he finally comes to. His grip is suddenly lightened on you, and now he seemingly couldn't recall why he was holding you so tightly. Pulling back in confusion, he took one look at your quivering body and was washed over with realization. Eyes widening in guilt, he stepped back from you and yelped out apologies, asking if anything had happened—if he had hurt anyone—if he had hurt you. You shake your head.

♡ Now... you supposed you didn't have too much to fear about Flippy. But, you were also sure you most likely weren't going to get your food tonight.

#happy tree friends #htf #happy tree friends x reader #flippy #flippy x reader #imagines #headcanons #🌳 written request #cw ptsd #cw anxiety

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for pretending to lose consciousness and using it as an excuse to drop out of school?

This happened when I was in HS but it's still eating me up. I (18F at the time) suffer from a severe case of IBS, which went undiagnosed for years. During the events of this story, I had no idea what my illness was which I suffered from ever since I was a toddler. My parents took me to several doctor, all who insisted I was perfectly healthy. Every year, the pain would get increasingly worse, and we try a different doctor every once in a while. I gave up seeking medical help during middle school because I was frustrated, the doctors believed I was faking to skip school and refused to write me notes. My parents know I don't lie, yet the doctor's words got to them. They don't exactly think I'm faking, but they think I'm exaggerating a mild stomachache because I wanted to skip school and have no will to fight. I mean, it's true that I have a low tolerance to pain, even getting my hair straightened is a painful experience for me everytime.

Anyway, since IBS tends to attack when someone feels bad, high school was the worst period in my life for numerous reasons but mainly because I was getting severely bullied. Also due to my frustration with doctors, I started believing that my illness was terminal and had yet to be discovered and I was severely depressed thinking my death was soon, which made my IBS worse. When the pain was at its worst, it felt like my belly was being stabbed from the inside by several knives, it leaves me to exhausted to get up from my bed. I always locked my room's door so my parents wouldn't try to drag me out of the bed Whenever I wanted to skip school. Despite at the constant pain I was in, never once did I lose consciousness because of it. Sometimes I wish I could faint so I wouldn't feel the pain for a short a period of time, but it never happened.

In days which pain is manageable, I try my best to go to school, I often attended 2-3 days each week. I specifically insisted on going to this school because it's lenient, unlike the school my parents tried to send me to.

However, just because the pain was manageable, it didn't mean that I was feeling fine. The constant exhaustion from the severe IBS attacks left me tired all the time and I just wanted to lay in my bed again. I spent most of my time at school resting my head on the desk and teachers got used to it, but they drew the line at me actually falling asleep in class.

It happened when I was like 4-5 months away from graduating, I just wanted to rest, I had enough of the pain that I didn't want to set afoot in school again, but my parents wouldn't let me. Eveyrone thinks I'm fine and just exaggerating, that's why, I used my perfect acting skills to drop to the floor while sitting in my chair, I heard everyone whispering about how worrying the way I fell was, that it must be something serious. Classmates kept shaking me for a minute but I didn't react because I wanted it to look real. I eventually pretended to wake up and told them that I couldn't handle it anymore. That period was my Physics final, which I didn't study for, and I didn't want to take it. I have no idea what lessons we took because I never studied or paid attention in class, I was literally at my limit.

I was allowed to rest that day, and when I went back home I told my parents about losing consciousness and that I desperately need to rest. They allowed me to drop out on the condition I go back to school the next year, I agreed, but secretly believed I would never live that long to attend school ever again.

My best friend cried really hard when I told her we wouldn't be graduating together and begged me to reconsider. I told her my illness got worse to the point I started fainting, and I desperately needed to rest.

Of course, I'm still very much alive and learned what's actually wrong with me (I literally self diagnosed myself based on people's experiences on the internet then "confronted" a doctor about it) and the IBS attacks are mild and manageable these days since I know what I need to do to avoid them, I have a full time job and rarely ever need to skip. But the guilt is making me feel like TA for worrying everyone about me and breaking my bff's heart. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[skully-64]

so I wrote a fic about Ed being neurodivergent. But neurodivergence wasn't really discovered back then, so he's not having a good time (this may or may not be accurate, while I suspect I am neurodivergent in some way I have not been diagnosed) (also this is a parental mustang fic) (both Ed and mustang are probably out of character, but this is my first completed fic and I did my best)

Ever since Ed could remember there was always something a little different about him. Something that people always notice is his hatred of milk. His hatred of milk is often assumed to just be a hatred of the flavor, and now he goes along with it so he doesn't have to explain that it's the texture he dislikes. When he was a kid in the country everyone decided that was just how Ed was. He hated the texture of milk, but that was just Ed. there were other things he struggled with regarding food. Sometimes he’d be happily eating dinner one second, and the next he'd be gagging and rushing to the trash to spit it out, with no other explanation than his body just rejected it. His brain no longer classified it as food. But that was just Ed. he was like that sometimes. Something that people don't notice is when ed hates the texture of an object. That's much harder to explain. Why does Ed avoid these plushies and blankets at all cost? It's because he doesn't like the way they feel, although there was much more to it than that, it's the only way Ed could explain. And the others accepted it, because that's just Ed.Another odd thing about Ed is his obsession with alchemy. He’d read all of the books in Hohenheim's study at least five times each by the age of six, and if you asked him about alchemy he could talk to you for hours! Not that anyone who asked minded, they loved seeing how happy he was when he talked about it. That was just Ed! Hearing this, anyone would think he got good grades at school, after all he seems like quite the little genius, right? No. he often came home with notes saying he was a distraction in class, that he could never sit still, that he’d doodle all over his chalkboard, and that he could get good grades if he could simply just apply himself. Ed was always frustrated with these notes, especially that last one…how could he “apply himself” more when he was already doing his best? While Granny and Mom never did, Ed’s teacher always compared him to Al. Al could sit still during class. Al wasn't a distraction. Al didnt doodle on his chalkboard (after he was told not to at least). Al was always polite. And Al got perfect grades. Ed couldn't help it though, if he wasn't doing something then he couldn't pay attention to the lesson. The books they had to read were hard too, not that Ed was having difficulty understanding the words, but that he would get through a page and find that he didn't remember a single thing that happened in it. But like everything else, that was just Ed. it's how he was, and everyone has their little quirks too, Ed just happened to have a bit more than others. Mom, Granny, Al, and Winry didn't treat Ed differently because of this, they all accepted that it was just how Ed was.

When Ed got his state alchemist’s license and started his journey, it started to feel like it was just Ed who was like that… The “Mandatory fun” nights that the military seemed so fond of weren’t fun for anyone, least of all Ed, who already felt out of place, being the only one there below the age of eighteen. He was one of the few people there that couldn't drink, and it only made it worse when his brain decided that the food he had was no longer edible. He tried to explain the first couple times it happened, but eventually just gave up, and lied about not being hungry anytime that happened. Or the times where he had to share a hotel room with someone, and the blankets were a bad texture. He did try to explain this too, but was brushed off as being some whiny kid. So even if he hated it, and even if it made his skin crawl, and every part of his body was screaming at him to get away from it, he still slept with the blankets, and never brought it up again when this happened. He slept with his coat on though. For the first few months after he became a state alchemist, Ed answered any question about alchemy in the same way he did as a kid, by talking about it for far too long, and while state alchemists are supposed to know about alchemy, it's their job after all, it was known around base that if you asked the Fullmetal alchemist about it, you need to have some free time because he won’t stop talking about it for hours. Ed didn't know this until one day he overheard someone talking about how annoying Ed was. Well, he didn't say Ed specifically, he was annoyed that it took so long to get an answer to a simple question about alchemy, but with how Ed felt hearing that, he may as well have just called Ed an annoying little kid. After that Ed answered alchemy questions quickly and to the point, giving no more information than what was asked for.

When Ed was a little kid in resembool, for the most part he just felt like a regular little kid, the only times he felt different was when his teacher yelled at him. But now he felt more out of place than ever. Like there was something wrong with him, or like he was broken in some way. Why couldn't he eat like everyone else? Why did stupid things like blankets bother him so much when no one else even noticed them? Why couldn't he tell when he was being annoying? Why couldn't he just sit still?

Why couldn't he just be normal?

Tears stung Ed’s eyes as he thought about it, although he’d never let them spill. A voice tore him from his thoughts, bringing him back to the tiny hotel room, the pillow he’d been hiding his face in, and the uncomfortable blankets he'd been avoiding. “Fullmetal, are you ok?” Mustang looked over to him, now showing mild concern. “Yeah I’m fine, why?” Ed hoped to convince the Colonel that he was just tired, although he didn't seem quite convinced. “Do you want a different blanket?” Ed looked up at Mustang, confused why he’d ask something like that, and also a bit embarrassed that he’d noticed Ed’s reluctance to even touch the blanket. “I heard the last time you stayed here you didn't like the blankets. And this time you only touched them with your automail. So do you want a different blanket?” That was two years ago. How did Mustang know about that? He wasn't even there. Did he hear about it then and just remember it all this time? Or did he somehow hear about it after the hotel was booked? “I-” Ed started to speak, but quickly stopped himself. Since when was colonel bastard this nice. If he asked for a different blanket would he think he was just some whiny kid? Would he even get him a different blanket? Would he think it was stupid that Ed cared this much about some dumb blanket? Ed thought it was stupid that he cared this much about some dumb blanket…

“Fullmetal?” Mustang was looking at him.“I-I’m fine! The blanket here is good!” Ed wasn't the best liar, and Mustang could see right through him. “And you’re not just going to use your coat as a blanket after I fall asleep, like last time?” “Uh…” well he hit the nail right on the head with that… Mustang sighed. it was obvious that Ed was uncomfortable with the blankets, but refused to admit it for some reason. “I’m going to go out for a little while, you stay in here, ok, Fullmetal?” Mustang said while putting on his coat, and grabbing one of the room keys.

Ed could tell he did something wrong. He was pretty sure that the Colonel was upset with him, but he wasn't exactly sure why. Even if it was because he lied about the blankets, it caused him less work… “He’s probably just sick of babysitting some problem child..” Ed thought to himself. Of course it was his own fault. Ed didn't need babysitting, and no one asked him to anyway. He and Al could take care of themselves…

Ed’s thoughts were interrupted by the room door opening. Mustang walked into the room holding a much comfier looking blanket than what was in the room. Mustang wordlessly tossed it at Ed, who still wondered why the colonel was doing this…why he seemed to care so much. “You need sleep for this mission. You already don't get the best sleep anyway, and I'd rather it didn't get worse.” Mustang said after noticing Ed’s confusion. Ah…that was the reason…Ed was weirdly…disappointed?...he couldn't say why though..it made sense though….It was also embarrassing that mustang knew about the nightmares…he found out the first time they were forced to share a hotel room…one with more comfortable blankets. “So, why don't you like the blankets?” Ed, already snuggled into new blanket, looked over at Musang with a somewhat conflicted expression “I just-…I don’t-…” a frustrated expression appeared on Ed’s face before he sighed and seemed to have settled on saying “Look, they're just uncomfortable, ok.” “Edward, that’s bullshit and you know it. I’ve seen you used leaves and moss as a blanket before. if it was “just uncomfortable" you'd complain and use the blanket anyway, You wouldn't be trying to hide it and staring at a blanket like it's some kind of venomous snake. So are you gonna tell me what’s got you so freaked out about this?” The bastard clearly knew Ed better than he thought. “Can we just turn the lights off and to bed already? I'm tired.” Mustang sighed and got up “Ok.” he said, turning out the lights.

A few minutes passed, neither of them knew how many, until Ed spoke “Hey, bastard?” “Yes, Fullmetal?” “H-.....Has anyone ever asked you a question that you know if you answer they won't get it, and they might think you sound kinda crazy?” “...”“Colonel?” “Yeah. I think so.”

Ed took a deep breath and seemed to hesitate for a bit, questioning if he really wanted to say this or not. Eventually it seemed he came to a decision. “I-it's not that the blankets are uncomfortable..,well, they are, but it's something…more? Like…it's not painful but…I don’t know. It just feels…Wrong. Like I shouldn't touch it” He sighed “…I don't know. It's stupid.” Mustang looked over at Ed, even if he couldn't see him through the darkness. “Not if it's effecting you this much.” “Huh?” “If it's effecting you like that, it’s not stupid.”

Ed remained quiet for a little while, thinking… “What if it was more than just blankets?..” “Is it more than just blankets?” “....Yeah..” “How much more?” Mustang asked, sitting up and turning on the lamp on his bedside table “It’s food too I guess…but it's different for that.” “In what way?” Ed still looked somewhat reluctant, but spoke anyway “Sometimes I’ll be eating something, and halfway through I guess my body decides that it's not edible anymore…I usually just tell people I'm not hungry though.” “Is there anything else?” Mustang asked, slightly concerned and wondering how long this had been going on for without his knowledge “Um…m-maybe?” Ed said, looking away “I don’t know if it's related..” “Even if it isn't, you can still tell me,” Mustang assured. “I guess I have trouble focusing? It normally helps when I’m doing something, but then it looks like I'm not paying attention, so I don't do that as much…when I was in school I drew stuff, but the teacher didn't like that…” Mustang nodded “If you need to, you can draw when i give you assignments” “Ok” “Is there anything else?” Mustang asked once more “Probably. I dunno. It feels like there’s always something wrong with me.” “There’s nothing wrong with you, kid”

Ed looked up at the Colonel, Tears in his eyes threatening to spill “Are you sure? Because it feels like there is. If there’s really nothing wrong then why can’t I eat normally!!? Why can't I read normally!?! And why is it so hard to sleep with that stupid fucking blanket?!?!”

Mustang walked over and sat next to Ed on the edge of his bed “Like I said, kid, there’s nothing wrong with you, ok? There’s just something a little different. I don’t know exactly how, but there’s nothing wrong, just different.” Ed sniffled a little, seemingly having calmed down a little. “So…I’m not broken?” “No. Of course not” “Ok” There was silence for a little while, other than the occasional sniffle from Edward.

When he was sure Ed had calmed down, Mustang broke the silence and asked “Do you know how long It’s been like this?” “Um…as far back as I can remember…although it almost feels like it’s gotten worse since moving away…I didn't really notice most of it back then” Mustang nodded, although he was a little worried that Ed didn’t tell him any of this over the past two years he’d been in Mustang’s command. He was really hiding it this long… “If it effects you again, and you need help, you can tell me. I’ll help if you need, ok?” Ed looked up at Mustang, looking almost confused “Since when did you care so much?” Mustang never thought he’d say these next words to anyone. “It’s my job to care about this sort of thing. Not only am I your commanding officer, but I was also listed as one of your legal guardians when you joined the military”

Mustang could practically hear Hues celebrating the adoption of his new “nephew”. He just had to make sure Hues never heard that he said that “W-wait! Guardian?!!??” Ed scowled at him. At least he’s feeling better. “Yes, of both you and Alphonse. Did you really think they’d let a twelve year old into the military without a legal guardian’s permission? Without a guardian at all?” “But what about Granny!?! She-” Mustang cut him off “Was not listed as your guardian at the time you signed up for the military. Although I did get her permission. She assumed that you’d get into trouble, and that you’d need a legal adult to help you out of it at some point. I was the one that brought you here, so it fell on me to take care of you two” “W-well if you are listed as my guardian, and you know about everything then I will ask you for help. Not that I need it. I've gotten this far” Ed said, trying to sound confident and somewhat failing at it. “Ok. whenever you need help, you can ask, and I’ll help” a few minutes passed before either said anything. Mustang had home back to his own bed across the room when he heard Ed say, just barely above a whisper

“Promise?” Mustang smiled at him

“Yeah, I promise.”

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