#enjoyed being a free range human for the last ~4 years

[thresholdbb]

Y’all, Voyager infinite rewatch is coming to a close

#I cry #sonic shower thoughts #going into this life transition kicking and screaming #enjoyed being a free range human for the last ~4 years

[thewanderingmask]

oh hey is it time to go watch old media until the writer's strike is over

welp here's my list, i highly recommend adding onto it or making your own

sit-coms

Better Off Ted (office comedy about a pretty decent guy who manages the R&D department of your standard big capitalist (evil) company. absurd, sincere, and blessedly not nihilistic.)

Golden Girls (four older women living together. openly touched upon topics like gay people are human beings actually and so are people without houses. and this was in the 80s.)

Murphy Brown (Reporter/news presenter workplace comedy. i like eldin)

WKRP (set in a radio station, this one is a pain to find unedited anywhere because of music licensing nonsense)

Designing Women (i haven't actually watched much of this yet but i heard it's pretty good so i'm listing it here in hopes i'll remember to check it out)

british panel / comedy shows (ok so they're like game shows, except the prizes range from useless to nonexistent, all the contestants are comedians, and nobody really cares that much who wins. ,fair warning though, these are british. so you're just gonna get a certain amount of jokes that are like "yup an old cishet white dude sure did write that")

Would I Lie to You (contestants make ridiculous claims and the opposing team has to guess if it's real or not)

8 out of 10 Cats does Countdown (not "8 out of 10 Cats". not "Countdown". specifically "8 out of 10 cats does countdown". yes this is important)

Taskmaster (five contestants perform a series of increasingly silly tasks to try to score points)

Big Fat Quiz of the Year / Decade (a series of long quiz specials where comedians often fail, intentionally or otherwise, to answer questions)

crime/detective/spy shows (cw copaganda. bc that's the entire genre)

Columbo (did you know it's ALL on the internet archive? for FREE?)

Simon and Simon (private investigators who are also brothers, a bit more on the fun side. pretty good for the 80s, but be warned you're still gonna get some dopey tropes like ableism in certain episodes.)

Rockford Files (ex-convict PI. doesn't like guns, friends with his dad. cynical but can't help helping people most of the time. we love to see it. like the two above, it's older but it holds up)

Brooklyn 99 (much like columbo, everybody already knows this one)

Burn Notice (recent ex-spy stuck in miami tries to get his job back. an unfortunate amount of ogle-y filler shots. I liked the first 4 seasons and low key recommend stopping after it, but everybody's mileage varies.)

and finally, because i know who i a:

cartoons

Motorcity (what if the only answer to an oppressive conformist society was UNDERGROUND TEENS WITH CARS and it looked AMAZING and it was KILLED AFTER 20 EPISODES BECAUSE THERE IS NO GOD)

Storm Hawks (what if the only answer to a returning evil empire was SKY TEENS WITH AIRPLANE MOTORCYCLES, side note this is like the only time i've ever seen stylized 3D animation in a way that just looks? good?? i would love to see more stuff try this kind of direction instead of aiming for anime or realism)

Generator Rex (a teen with TRANSFORMING MUTANT MACHINE POWERS fights alongside a kinda sus organization to try to save others who have transformed into dangerous mutants. i haven't finished this one and im not a fan of the monkey character but dam this show kinda slaps)

Teen Titans (TEEN SUPERHEROES. i have a soft spot for this show. it was my first superhero show as a kid and still mostly holds up as good fun)

Spectacular Spider-Man (spider-man has a lotta cartoons by now but this is up there near the top i feel)

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (it's PRETTY it's CUTE it's FUNNY and only has a few episodes i would outright skip. i stopped enjoying it by the last couple seasons but i still think it's worth a watch if you haven't yet)

Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THIS WORLD WATCH THIS SHOW DEAR GODS IT LOOKS INCREDIBLE IT'S SO MUCH FUN AND I LOVE MY IDIOT SONS SO MUCH AND THEN IT PUNCHES YOU RIGHT IN THE EMOTIONS WHEN YOU AREN'T EXPECTING IT-)

and Bluey. watch Bluey.

AIGHT THAT'S IT FOR NOW honestly i could add more to this but my memory ain't that good

✨enjoy✨

#words words words #long post #please add/make your own lists for real tho #i wanna watch stuff

[prophetparadox]

DMC OC Week 2023 Day 7: Boss Fight (Free Day)

I have no image for this day either, my apologies.

Welp, we're here at the end of @dmc-oc-week-specialedition, and I figured for this last prompt I'd do something a little interesting~ So here we have a hypothetical boss fight for the bastard! You see, since he is an antagonist, there's no doubt that if he were in a DMC game he'd be fought at some point, right? So I whipped this up. You can also consider this an extension of Day 5's prompt since it goes into his weapons and abilities somewhat, but it's more about the potential boss fight than anything.

Once again, I have enjoyed doing this week, and I might already have plans for next year's prompt as well! I certainly know which character I'll be using for it, hehehe. I hope you've enjoyed learning about this terrible bastard man!

Avalon would likely be a boss that’d be fought multiple times throughout the game, like Griffon in 1, Vergil in 3, and Agnus in 4. Since I haven’t worked out how the story itself goes, this will be detailing what the first out of these boss fights would be.

Avalon would probably function similarly to Arius in 2, with both of them being humans who don’t have demonic powers but can use magic instead. Though unlike Arius, Avalon isn’t seeking demonic power in any regard. That doesn’t mean he’d be a pushover to his hybrid opponent though.

At close range, Avalon will primarily attack using Severance, his dagger. He’ll attack with a combo of slashes, attempting to lock the player in the combo to deal significant damage, at least one section of the health bar. Being hit by one of these attacks wouldn’t lock you into the combo if you manage to dodge out of it in time, but the longer you stay in the combo the harder it is to break free of it. He may also try to use punches and kicks as well, though they’d likely be less frequent.

At long range, he’ll use his pistol. Being hit with a shot will stun the player for a brief moment, which he’ll follow up with other attacks in order to keep you locked in a combo. These attacks would also be infrequent, serving only to keep you locked in a combo.

More frequent would be his magic attacks. He makes use of a variety of spells, using elemental abilities such as fire and lightning, along with shadow-like spikes that can pierce you from any distance. Along with his normal skills, he also has an invisible magic bar that functions like a Devil Trigger bar. If he hits the player enough times, and gets hit a decent amount, he can unleash a powerful attack that’ll deal massive damage and would be difficult to dodge if you don’t know what you’re doing. There is a cue to him using these attacks though, giving the player a few seconds to get out of the way.

He also uses magic defensively. After being hit by a full combo by the player, he may use his magic to teleport to another area of the arena. He may also use it to try stunning you in order to leave you open for an attack.

Some strategy would need to be applied when fighting Avalon, as he will take note of the moves the player uses. If playing a character with multiple weapons like Dante, switching between them would be crucial as he’d pick up on the moves you have and adapt to them. If playing a character with only one main weapon like Nero, relying on the same few moves and combos would have the same effect. If you spend too much time staying on the sidelines and relying on long range attacks, he’ll attempt to get up close to keep you on your toes. Essentially, if you try to do things that’ll keep your style rank up, you should be fine.

#Prophet posts #dmcocweek #DMC OC Week #Devil May Cry

[respectthepetty]

I am currently hooked on Past-senger. I don't know how possibly may have a happy ending but I am enjoying its lightness and humor. Did you notice Bamee house is the house of Tonhon in TonhonChonlatee?

I have tried Love syndrome III because I like its protagonists but it's terrible. How can the acting be that bad? I know from other series they are not that bad.

How the Koreans manage to give us such a steady string of wonderful stories such as Unintentional love story and The eighth sense? They always leave me with a nice aftertaste I don't get anywhere else.

Anon, Taiwanese BLs are my favorite, but I appreciate Thai QLs because so many are produced compared to the ZERO I've gotten from Taiwan in 2023. ZERO! The last BL Taiwan offered was HIStory 5: Love in the Future, which shared the time travel theme with Past-Senger, and as much as I love Taiwanese BLs and the HIStory franchise, I think Past-Senger did a better job with it.

Quantity does not equal quality, so Thailand having over fifty QLs a year doesn't necessarily equate to great stories or production value, but, much like Vietnamese and Filipino QLs, there is always a solid foundation with some heart at its core. Also, Thai series are easily available, for free. I haven't nor will I watch Love Syndrome III because I will hate it, and not in a fun hate-watch way, but some who watched it liked it because that's the beauty of variety; we have more to pick from based on what we like and there is something for everyone.

Past-Senger, with its Tonhon Chonlatee house, has its issues, and there are plenty including spotty sound, a clumsy final quarter, and odd pacing, but as you mentioned, it does humor well, and it takes the time-traveling aspect seriously compared to HIStory 5. When Kiew lands in the future, he is constantly reminded that he is out of place and not meant to be there, while HIStory 5 spent the first episode on that idea, then quickly moved along.

Korea tends to go back to the past (Tinted With You and Once Again) or for reincarnation (First Love Again and The Director Who Buys Me Dinner), but there is always in underlying melancholy to these since the narrative makes it clear these are "right person, wrong time" stories. Korea loves a time skip like Japan loves to make its guys run. But the issue most people as well as I have with Korean BLs is they are too short to properly develop the plot, the characters, and the resolution. For me, something is always rushed or lacking.

Yet Our Dating Sim has done the best "left him because I love him" plot out of all the QLs I've watched, and I think Star Struck might do well with it also. Both also demonstrate the Korean staple of "right person, wrong time" with time jumps that I just complained about, yet they are done well here.

As much as I stay rooting for Taiwan, I appreciate a range of queer media because every show is doing something different; therefore, each show has the possibility of doing it better.

Gameboys and Hello, Stranger, both Filipino offerings, gave us love stories about the pandemic DURING the pandemic, but unlike my Taiwanese See You After Quarantine?, I feel like some dismissed them simply because they were Filipino even though Gameboys was one of the biggest BLs of 2020 with its mask-off scene.

I have trash taste. I didn't like Bad Buddy overall and I have intentionally never watched a MAME series, so you don't have to trust one word I wrote here, but all of this is really to tell you that as great as Korean dramas are, I encourage you to continue dabbling in other countries' offerings every now and then. I'm a HIStory 4: Close to Me whore first, and a human second, but I loved being surprised by how Bed Friends handled healing from trauma through a sexual relationship, how Moonlight Chicken presented generational and economic differences through a queer lens, and how Kabe Koji and My Beautiful Man showed how distorted views of self-worth can drastically harm the people who love us.

Gems are everywhere. We just have to be willing to shuffle through some dirt to find them. Consider Love Syndrome III your dirt, but perhaps a Mame series will be your gem.

#I like my queer media anyway I get it! #I love the variety! #I love a good hate watch too! #history 5: love in the future #past senger #hello stranger #gameboys the series

[outofangband]

So, you’ve talked a little about the climate of Himring, but I’m the annoying type of person that needs numbers. How many degrees is it in the different seasons? How long do the seasons last for? If it were comparable to a place on Earth, where would that be (Norway maybe?) ? Sorry if this is a stupid question or you’ve already answered it somewhere lol :)

Not annoying!

World Building Masterlist which has the other Himring posts!

I hope this is ok! As always please feel free to ask more! I enjoy your questions!

So first a note on the Calendar

I will make a more detailed post on the months and seasons and a post on the seasons can by found in my second headcanon masterlist

Our source for this is an analysis of Tolkien’s many calendars called The Reckoning of Time

There are six seasons described in both Sindarin and Quenya;, Spring, Summer, Autumn or Harvest, Fading, Winter and Stirring. Spring, autumn, fading and stirring last 54 days each and Summer and winter last 72 days.

Their dates for seasons are also somewhat different than in the Northern hemisphere

Elves begin their year in the late month of Gwaeron, an equivalent of March. Spring lasts from March 21st until the middle of May. Summer is from mid May until late July. Autumn is from here until Late September. Then, before the start of fading there is a period of three days. Fading lasts until early November when Winter begins. Winter lasts until late January when stirring begins which lasts until mid March.

When exactly a system of twelve months was established in Beleriand is unclear (though it’s worth noting that twelve base systems for Valarin years existed in the Years of the Trees)

(Túrin’s birth month is given as Gwaeron or March though the calendar used by the humans was primarily associated with Númeanor.)

I go with the idea though that it did originate in the First Age, at least in some form

That being said, as I think you implied in your ask, the official start and finish of a season is not necessarily the same as the cultural or local understanding of a season based on the surrounding climate (for example spring might officially start on March 21st in much of the Northern hemisphere but not all places consider it officially spring until snowfall becomes less frequent which might not happen until April)

Himring winters definitely last longer, typically the period from Mid November (Hísimë in Quenya, Hithui in Sindarin) to late March.

The transitional seasons named by the elves, Stirring and Fading, are far less defined in the March of Maedhros.

Spring, when the snow melts and plants start to grow is typically from early April to late June with the high summer characterized by long days and the warmest weather lasting only two months, during July and August. Autumn or Harvest and Fading blend together from September to mid November and finally, Stirring is typically considered only truly in the weeks before the beginning of spring

Winter temperatures generally range -8 degrees Celsius/18 degrees Fahrenheit to -25 Celsius/-15 Fahrenheit (including windchill)

Summers are fairly mild with an average of 21 degrees Celsius or 70 degrees Fahrenheit. It rarely gets above 78 degrees Fahrenheit/26 degrees Celsius.

spring is still very cold with 40 to 50 degrees Fahrenheit or 4 to 10 degrees Celsius being common.

Autumn temperatures are mild at first but drop quickly with heavy winds. Similar temperatures to spring at first with temperatures below 40 degrees Fahrenheit or 4 degrees Celsius often starting in Mid October if not earlier

Precipitation is actually low though snow might remain on the ground for much longer around the year. Precipitation in the taiga is usually rain the summer as well as snow and fog. 

As for real life place comparisons, yay! This means I get to talk more about ecoregions and biomes! (Explanation here)

The most likely biomes are boreal forest and taiga or tundra. Tundras are defined by tree growth that is (negatively) impacted by low temperatures though the growing season like with taiga might be longer than in other places as the native flora has a temperature to trigger growth that is lower than plants in warmer climates. Taiga, also known as boreal or snow forests are defined by coniferous forests of mainly pine, spruce and larch in the global North in colder climates. 

As always please feel free to ask more!

#the silmarillion #maedhros #Himring #beleriand #musing and meta

[itsmemateinnit]

Whitechapel series 4 press pack

Patrick Schweitzer - Producer

What can we expect from the new series of Whitechapel?

We entered into this series with the remit of making a very visual, very exciting gothic drama on the backdrop of a TV detective show. Caroline and Ben wrote the first and last story with Steve Pemberton writing the middle part, which meant that we had a really great range of stories to play with. Also I think the character arcs that have been introduced across all six episodes will really enrich the texture of the series. Jon East directed the last episodes of the last series and he set quite a high benchmark. His episodes were ‘edge of your seat’ material and so it’s been great fun keeping up that pace.

What about the individual stories in particular?

The first story touches on witchcraft. The second story is about a killer who’s flaying his victims and the final story is about human sacrifice and finding out why bodies are being found in sewers across London underneath Whitechapel.

What role do Buchan and the real historical crimes play in this series?

Buchan plays a big role again in this series. All the research Ben and Caroline do is from true crime events that are inspired by the past. The series has moved from copycat killings to using history as a route to understanding the current crimes. So Chandler is still delving into Buchan’s amazing mind to find out what could be the cause and what’s happened in the past that could indicate clues as to how to find the killer and what is going on in contemporary Whitechapel.

Do you need to be mindful of stories going too far or over the top?

Yes you do have to be mindful. I think because Whitechapel tends to be a world where people want to watch in a suspended reality, we don’t try to give massive reminders of contemporary life. Computers and mobile phones take a back seat, we don’t have huge amounts of car travelling scenes so you stay in this world where you’re able to enjoy the unexpected a little bit more. I think that’s always been a real strength of the show that we’re carrying on with this year. The way our characters interact as well, instead of it being a very contemporary police procedural show we get to play with those elements far more so hopefully everyone is going to enjoy that.

Does this series cover anything from previous episodes?

We don’t tend to touch on previous stories too much, so that each story can be fresh. If you’re a regular fan you may notice hints of previous situations that the characters have been through but we tend to take each episode as a fresh piece of drama. If you’ve never watched the series before you can pick up any of the stories and just enjoy it for what it is – I think that’s quite a strength and we try and stay focused on that. In terms of character development we’re very mindful that there needs to be a development in each character’s story but it’s not a main emphasis at all.

Will there be any famous guest stars in this series?

We don’t tend to go with big names for guests stars, I think partly because if a viewer is aware that at some point we’re going to introduce the killer you don’t want anyone to be too obvious and to stand out. We just want really good actors and people that will fit into the world of Whitechapel and we’re very free to use the best actors for the role.

Why was the area of Whitechapel chosen?

Ben and Caroline have created this ‘world’ of Whitechapel that I think is beyond the specific area of Whitechapel itself. Everything that happens has a darker leaning but

it does stem from the history of that part of the East End, which has had a slightly higher percentage of crime over time. I think what makes the series more interesting is that we want to go for the wackier events that might happen.

Are all of your locations in the East End or do you cheat?

Some of it is cheated, obviously if there is a good location in another part of London then we do tend to go for the best places. Using Hornsey Town Hall as our police station is a prime example. This building has been fantastic this series. It’s the same physical space as series one and three but we’ve re-done it. We’ve created a slightly different mortuary set and we have an inter faith prayer room. We’ve also created a few more corridors so that the journeys around the police station take a bit longer. It’s been a real blessing to have this building - it is listed so anything we do, any changes have to go through the council, but we’re very used to that.

Is all of your post production set up here too?

Yes, part of the joy of working in a building like this is that you can actually house your edit suites in the same space. Quite often on other projects I’ve worked on the edit is in Soho and the main sets out in Ealing so everything is quite separated. Here we have everything in one hub which means in the canteen you’ll have the editors sitting next to the DoP and actors. So it’s a great creative environment to be in where everyone feels very attached and involved in the project. Also for my job it means I can pop upstairs, have a look at where we’re at in the edit and then nip back downstairs and carry on prepping for the last block – so it makes life a lot easier and makes the process feel quite fluid.

Is it difficult to film in central London?

Luckily a lot of places that were needed in the script weren’t the most populated areas. To keep London as a successful filming city we really believe that you have to comply with the regulations. It’s only reasonable to ensure that film crews wrap by a certain time as it can be quite noisy and disruptive. I think with any restrictions, whether it’s monetary or time frame to shoot something, it makes sure everyone is on board with getting the best results.

#whitechapel #whitechapel itv #text

[belethlegwen]

For the g/t asks! I’m wanted to ask you about number 4, 9, aaaand 16. :)

Thanks so much for the asks!!

4 Do you have a sona? Tell us about them!

The closest I feel to a sona would be Melanie, she's the one that I'm filtering a lot of my personal emotional processing through (though I do that through all of my characters in some way or another) the most intensely. A lot of the things she's gone through in the narrative are things that I have I gone through similarly, or am worried I'm going to go through sooner than I would like (my father is very much still alive and very dear to me, but I lost a step-father and a step-brother in the last two years so mortality of people I love has been on my mind a good bit). Otherwise, my sona is pretty basic. If you want to RP with -me-, then I like to be human sized around small folks. For personal reasons I like to be at least in the biggest size-range of the room, it's very rare I want to be tiny around people unless they're extremely close with me and I trust them a lot. I'm handys/touch-feely but also have a ton of anxiety, so that's fun (I am working on all sides of that). I like the idea of handling/holding/touching a smaller person, I just really enjoy the tactile side of things.

9 What's your favourite piece of sizey media?

All time favourite is The Nutcracker Prince, have watched it since I was a child and I ordered the DVD off of Ebay or Amazon shortly after I first moved out, it's one of my favourite Christmas movies and I just... I love it. Nostalgia + everything else, it hits me in an interesting way for sure and always has. I love Arrietty for the art of it, it really does just feel very lived-in and real at moments. Absolutely adore it. The Ted Danson, 1996 adaptation of Gulliver's Travels (specifically part one with Lilliput and Brobdingnag) has some interesting takes and some actually really decent G/t effects of live-action media of that era (particularly for being a TV-geared project) and I watched it a LOT for some mood and perspective reference when I was first diving into writing The Stranding. It's available on YouTube for free if anyone is interested in checking it out. I also own a pocket-sized (well, that was the selling point at least) unabridged copy of Gulliver's Travels and have read the first two parts of that until my eyes have practically fallen out of my skull numerous times. Love it.

16 What's your comfort g/t media/tropes?

Hurt/Comfort is where my heart lies, in a lot of ways. I tend to prefer emotional hurt over physical hurt, there's some media out especially right now that's just... fucking brutal in terms of the pain being caused to characters and with little comfort actually being given to them in comparison. I'm not huge into that. I do however just... love the idea of someone getting used to the idea of being tiny/small, having to adjust to that. Someone who was accidentally shrunk, or winds up in a place where someone their size is not at all the norm, that's my drug. I really really love @adjacentperception's Rose & LaPorte series, Atticus going through it has pulled at my heartstrings more than I thought really possible and I love seeing that poor guy figure things out with the help of amazing friends. We have an RP going involving two scientists and a teleporter mishap that I love, as well, that fits the 'has to adjust to being small with help from someone' niche really well. I love the ingenious ways that people think up accommodations for suddenly-small people, or smart ways a small person would tackle suddenly-huge problems. That's always neat. Also just very into... small person getting rescued in some way by a big person, obviously. That's up my alley. A scared small being helped by a gentle big, trying to navigate such a bizarre and possibly terrifying dynamic. Also VERY into small person trying to take care of a giant person who is sick, hurt, or just... emotionally going through it, y'know?

Hope you liked these answers!! Always willing to answer more :)

#asks and answers #g/t thoughts #g/t author #gtauthor #g/t #giant/tiny #g/t writing

[cliffhanger-ending]

2022 Library Books

I moved to a new city this year and opened a library card, so I made this list of (most of) the books I checked out this year and my thoughts! Some are shorter than others because I started this list in about June so I was trying to remember how I felt about them a few months later haha

(Note I did not include books I DNF’d after like 30 pages because I didn’t see the point, I included a few I DNF’d further along)

That said, if anyone has any recs for 2023 reading, feel free to send me an ask!

List under the cut!

Red White and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston - 3.5/5. Cute and cheesy, but felt a little too much at times

Mr. Penumbra’s 24 Hour Bookstore by Robin Sloan - 3.5/5. Loved the concept and laughed out loud at parts but I'm not sure I liked the ending

The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern - 5/5. Honestly my favorite book I’ve ever read, the concept the writing the characters the world building the everything. Finished the entire 500 page book in 2 days, could have done it in 1 if I hadn’t started at 7 pm the first day

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern - 4/5. I think I read it too fast so there were a few parts I didn’t understand but overall very good, again loved the world building

Written in the Stars by Alexandria Bellefleur - 1/5. Just not my cup of tea, felt more like a poorly written fanfiction than a book. Grumpy/sunshine and fake dating but like… ok what else that’s literally the entire book

One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston - 4.5/5. This one wasn’t as hyped to me as RWRB was so I was pleasantly surprised that I liked it way better. Sapphic subway romance with a sci-fi twist, what more could you ask for? I love Jane. Docked half a point just because I personally did not enjoy the explicit scenes but that’s a me being sex repulsed thing and not anything against the author’s writing

The Passing Playbook by Isaac Fitzsimons - DNF. I’m definitely out of the intended age range for this book, and the writing was frankly bad. Felt like representation for the sake of checking off boxes on a diversity checklist

Anything But Fine by Tobias Madden - 2/5. I related to the main character as a former dancer forced to quit due to my body failing, but in terms of actual plot and characters it wasn’t super great

Beyond the Black Door by Adrianne Strickland - 2/5. Too many plot twists, felt really confusing. Ace/trans rep but in the weirdest most roundabout way possible so it didn’t feel like it. Don’t like her falling for the guy who literally invaded her mind and started living there

Sweet Sorrows by David Nichols - gonna be honest I don’t remember much of this one, it wasn’t what I was expecting out of it when I checked it out

Let’s Talk About Love by Claire Kann - DNF. Disappointed because I wanted the bi ace rep, but the writing wasn’t good and the representation felt wrong and frankly insulting

The City We Became by N.K. Jemisin - 3/5. The concept of this one is really intriguing and I loved the beginning where we found all the boroughs, but the ending wasn’t quite satisfying to me. Also felt like stereotyping in the bad way but maybe that was the point? I think it’s a series, maybe some of this is answered in the later books

The Sound of Stars by Alechia Dow - 2/5. Again disappointed by what should have been a really good book based on the concept. I wish it was more about the sci-fi than the romance and also that it wasn’t human/alien romance. Ending was not satisfying and I’ll admit I’m ace not demi so I don’t have firsthand experiences but the representation felt inaccurate

Last Night at the Telegraph Club by Malinda Lo - 4/5. Loved how much research clearly went into making it as accurate to 1950s San Francisco as possible. I related a lot to Lily in terms of her figuring out her sexuality and being perceived as naive and innocent by other queer people, and I really felt for her with all her internal (and let’s be honest external) conflict about her identities. There were just a few plot points I wish had been elaborated on more, like what happened to Kath after they got separated or what ever happened with Calvin

Pulp by Robin Talley - DNF. Abby’s character annoyed me to death, Janet’s story was slightly more interesting but not enough for me to want to keep reading. Disappointed because the premise was really good but it just was not executed well at all

Almost Like Being In Love by Steve Kluger - 4/5. Hilarious, loved all the characters and all the Red Sox references (being a big fan myself). Loved the formatting too but I get it’s not for everyone. Felt a bit over the top at parts (Travis that was definitely stalking bro) but it worked for the plot. First chapter when they were teens was definitely the best, epilogue felt a little anticlimactic but I guess it wrapped up nicely

Desire Lines by Christina Baker Kline - 1.5/5. Not what I was expecting when I checked it out, I thought it was going to be more of a mystery and it wasn’t (both in the sense that the first 70% of the book is basically an entirely different genre and that it was pretty easy to figure out the mystery). Did not like the main character at all, did not like the only gay character being a stereotype, did not like the justification of student/teacher relationships, did not like the romance. Bonus half star for small New England town setting but that’s probably the only thing I did like about it

Survive the Night by Riley Sager - 2/5. The premise was really interesting but the execution was not very good. I think it took me longer than most to figure out who did it but I was able to figure it out before the reveal, but the other big twist seemed like it came out of nowhere, especially after that character’s pov chapter. I didn’t like the whole “this is what happened, oh just kidding you made it up, nope you were right the first time” thing and that was pretty much the entire book. Especially didn’t like the very end when she married the guy who essentially kidnapped her

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab - 3/5. Absolutely loved it most of the way through and was ready to give it 4 stars, but the ending was bad enough to dock an entire star, it completely ruined it for me. It just fed into that trope of manipulation played off as “love” which I can’t stand. I did like Henry’s character and a lot of the side characters, and the writing itself, but for as much as I was loving it up until the last 70 pages or so I was left feeling extremely disappointed

Strange the Dreamer by Laini Taylor - DNF. I liked it enough for the first part with Lazlo, but as soon as it switched pov to Sarai it completely turned me off. Especially didn’t like the implication that Sparrow was in love with Feral when they were basically raised as siblings. The reviews on this one were overall really good so I was expecting more

#personal #2022 books #bookblr #i'm not tagging all the individual books lol #this blog is a work in progress so idk exactly what formatting i'll do but i want to use it more in 2023!

[hawkland]

My (mostly) Destiel Recs, Round-up #6

Well, between working like crazy on my DCBB fic and GISH and injuring my neck last month I haven’t kept up with my rec posts, so this one is going to be LONG and have a LOT and I’m going to try to break it up into sections, from oldies but goodies (some things I found on very old rec lists) to smutty delights to just tasty little bits of fluff, hopefully there’s something or everyone here. Most of these are not super-long, largely in the 10-25k range, though there are a few beyond that. With all the stuff I’ve had going on I haven’t wanted to lose sleep diving into 100k epics (especially when I’m writing my own right now, lol.)

“Oldies” but Goodies:  Here are two great fics written some time way back when but that still definitely slap.

Theodicy by manic_intent (11k) - Probably the most brilliant Godstiel fic I’ve read to date. One of Cas’s first acts as the new god is to make a new archangel. Dean isn’t exactly on board with having his soul re-sculpted into wings he hates on sight (especially as they seem magnetically drawn to Cas), but he isn’t exactly given a choice. He, Sam and Bobby struggle with how to handle their former friend suddenly becoming a vindictive deity - trying to make plans to kill him if they must, which is pretty hard when it seems like Cas is always one step ahead of him. Can Dean hold on to enough of his humanity to provide a conscience to Cas and try to steer him toward good acts instead of destruction? This is one that I can’t say has a perfectly happy ending, but it’s a hopeful and imperfect one that’s just right for how the story plays out. 

My Eyes Are An Ocean by entanglednow (10k) - Season 5 AU where Dean averts the apocalypse through a spell that “powers up” all the angels and he sees Cas’s true form - before being rendered blind. Dean tries to adjust to his blindness, Cas tries to deal with his guilt, and it’s just a lovely little read with an ending that’s... *chef’s kiss*

Lots more recs below the cut:

More great reads from some of my favorite authors I’ve recced before:

The Cabin on the Lake by DeanRH (21k) - This may be my new favorite DeanRH fic...at least for the moment. The year is 2152, Sam and Dean are long gone to Heaven, while Cas - stuck somewhere between mortal and angel - remains on Earth keeping vigil, keeping up the hunt, assuming he’ll never see either Winchester ever again. But when he starts hearing things, and imagining Dean visiting him as an angel himself, he starts losing grip on what is and isn’t real, and whether he can trust anything he sees or believes to be the truth. This is one hell of a psychological rollercoaster that kept me guessing right along with Cas until the very end. It also has some super-creepy horror elements, a novel “monster of the week”, and the hot-as-sin smut scenes I always expect from this author.

X Marks the Scot by DeanRH (15.9k) A fun little romp through history in one of this author’s great not-quite-au fics. Crowley sends Dean and Sam back in history to the Scottish Highlands to stop a monster, and while there they meet a blue-eyed clan chief who makes Dean weak in the knees. There’s something familiar about him, too. a very clever au that ties back to canon for an unexpected fix-it. Also, Cas in a kilt. Enough said.

The Hanging Gardens of Babylon by DeanRH (12k) - Sweet and slightly angsty AU. What if Dean was a gardener in ancient Babylon when a strange dignitary came to warn that the tower under construction was to be destroyed by angels? Lush, romantic and sexy with some wonderful tie-ins to canon characterizations (of Dean, Sam, John and of course Cas).

sufficient for thee by angelfishofthelord (21k) - This is a beautiful Cas angst-fest and character study that reimagines how angel grace works, particularly in regards to healing others. It covers the whole of Cas’s arc from Season 4 through a post-series fix-it, is absolutely stunning and features some great world-building in regards to the angels. (One important TW: those with cutting/self-harm issues may wish to skip or at least proceed with caution). I love that I can always count on angelfishofthelord when I need a good dose of Cas!whump and pain.

And laugh at gilded butterflies by ireallydidthistomyself (13k) - another great Dadstiel fic from this author featuring one of my favorite angsty subjects! I don’t know how I missed reading this one before. An AU where Cas is raising (baby)Jack on his own until the angels find the two of them and prepare to seal Jack away in the Ma’lak box. Cas begs them to let him go with Jack, so at least Jack won’t be alone for eternity. Meanwhile Dean is frantically trying to find what happened to Cas, and he gets some unexpected help from Crowley.  It’s sad and sweet and all the characterizations are great. A+ Crowley use here, too.

what stays (and what fades away) by dothraki_shieldmaiden (64k) - a fabulous read with some great art, too, that started me reading a bunch of fic from this author. Cas goes missing, and when he’s found he seems deep under a spell. When they finally manage to awaken him, he doesn’t remember anything of this life with Dean, Sam and Cas in the bunker. The last thing he knew he was a nurse living with his wonderful husband, Dean, and their two adopted children, Jack and Claire. What I loved about this one was the clever twist as to who was behind Cas’s curse and also how well-developed his AU world/existence was. I’m not generally keen on mundane aus or the one-dimensional way a lot of djinn dream fics tend to go for them, but this one managed to capture a believable version of Dean and Cas living a “normal” life without monsters without making it sugary/too-sweet. 

before knowing remembers by dothraki_shieldmaiden (14k) Post 15x04, a wonderful fic that plays with some meta topics in a clever way. Dean and Sam are happy - they have free will and they’ve won against Chuck, even if they suffered some big losses along the way (including Jack). But Dean can’t help but think he’s forgetting something...or rather, someone. Yet every time he thinks he remembers, the name and face of that someone slips from his mind. 

weights on my ankles by dothraki_shieldmaiden (9k) Post-15x03 where Cas ends up going back to the Gas ‘n Sip and working with Nora after leaving the bunker. A bitter sweet divorce-arc AU and what I love the most is how it ends - not perfect, not tragic, just very real and believable. 

15x18 and Post-canon fix-it fics:

Orbital Velocity Around a Celestial Body by LeverDrift (26k) - An angsty but lovely fix-it fic, one where it gets worse for a while before it gets better. Dean pulls Cas from the Empty, where he’d been living in a fantasy world with a dream!Dean who was giving him everything real!Dean is certain he can’t. Dean has to struggle with wondering if Cas would have been better off with dream!Dean instead of him. This is one that will break your heart before putting it back together again as Dean struggles with his self-worth issues.

so good at crashing in by Wintertree (36k) - Another post-finale fix-it where Cas is back, the world is saved, and things are still...not as easy as it should be for either Dean nor Cas. Monsters are gone, there’s no more hunting to be done, and Cas wants to move out of the bunker somewhere closer to Claire, to move on with a proper human life. Dean thinks he can move there with Cas and stay as “best friends”, even to the extent that Cas encourages him to go out and have sex with others/women. (And wants to hear about it after the fact!) But can Dean figure out what he really wants, and what Cas wants as well? A refreshingly unique take on what a post-series life could have looked like for them.

Delicious smut:

Empty by squirrelofcelestialintent (43k) - Every day this fandom makes me rethink my previous squicks and DNWs in fanfic. Here I find myself enjoying quite a bit more dom/sub elements than I normally ever would! I think because I was absolutely drawn in by the breathtaking first chapter, capturing beautifully the emotions of Cas returning from the Empty in Season 13 if he and Dean had confessed their feelings right then and there. But Dean’s self-worth is all fucked up, he feels there’s no way he can be good enough for Cas, especially when his sexual desires run a little bit...let’s just say outside the vanilla and he’s struggling with shame over doing sex work when he was younger. This was HOT and POOR SAM really gets stuck in the middle of, well, hearing more about his brother’s sex life than he ever needed to.

He's My Mate by Hatsonhamburgers (22k) - This fic manages the delightful combination of humor and extreme hotness perfectly. Dean and Cas catch each other in some questionable masturbation situations. This leads Cas to decide he needs to buy Dean some proper sex toys. He’s just helping his best friend out, right? Sure. As I said, hysterical AND hot as hell. 

Generals by nanoochka (9k) - Cas/Dean, Cas/Balthazar/Dean, implied past-Cas/Balthazar. An old LJ fic I found on an ancient rec list that is just scorching hot and a brilliant character study of Cas and Dean. Balthazar decides to invite himself in when he catches Dean and Cas engaging in some frisky business, and it turns into a bit of a power-play between the two soldiers of Heaven. Cas gets DP’ed and it’s all...well. It’s fucking good, read it.

The One With The Preening by HolyFuckingHell (5.5k) Can I do a rec post without including some wing!kink/wing!grooming in it? No, I can’t. (I also really enjoyed some of the other fics in this author’s series including The One With Dean's Horny Movies).

A Single Point of Light by Destina (2.4k) - This is a gorgeous Cas/Dean/Benny Purgatory short! A delicious balance of the two each caring for and caring about Dean in their own, protective ways, definitely a delight for any fans of this threesome.

Short and sweet, fluff to angst:

Snugglebird by almaasi (5.3k) - So, so soft and sweet and snuggly, just like the title. Dean’s things are disappearing from the bunker...and so, suddenly, has Cas. What’s going on? I do love my nesting!Cas fics, so...yeah. If you need a smile this is a good one to read :)

And Cleanse Me From My Sin by thisisapaige (1.6k) - another one for my beloveds who also enjoy wing grooming and sweet Dean-taking-care-of-Cas fluff.

Needle and Thread by Misachan (4k) - Season 5 wing!fic hurt/comfort. Cas’s wings are badly injured, Dean doesn’t quite know what he’s doing, but he’s stitched up Sam and himself enough times. He can do this. If you love caretaker!Dean and vulnerable!Cas don’t overlook this little gem.

Deceptive Preludes by sp8ce (2.7k) - One of those stories that delves into some of the difficulties Cas might have after coming back from the Empty a second time, especially in regards to accepting what’s real or not, understanding Dean, and how both of their communication issues can add to their struggles. Painful but hopeful for the future, felt very believable as I read it.

#my fic recs #destiel recs #my destiel recs #ok that's it for right now #should be plenty to keep y'all busy for a bit

[faeriexqueen]

For the Character Asks: 1, 7, 9, 14, and 18 for a certain king we all know and love

WOOO. I just watched Labyrinth last night so my thoughts are rampant on this. XD (Apologizing in advance, though, because these won’t be short answers. >.<)

1 - Favourite thing(s) about this character?

Probably that we get enough hints about Jareth to suspect his backstory, but it’s kept vague enough that we can run with ideas about who he is, his origins, and what his intentions are. (While I have my own headcanons and ideas, I always think it’s really fun to hear other takes - it can also mean you go back to the film/novelization, and catch more than you did before.) Honestly, I think it’s one reason why I’ve been so engaged with this character for such a huge part of my life. I love that there’s a little bit of ambiguity and mystery surrounding him.

7 - What do you like most about this character?

I have a laundry list of things I like about him. XD A big thing is his overall aesthetic - I’ve always liked the mix of 80s glam rock and fantasy, and I think it fits well with Jareth’s character. I love how he’s just extra, too - like he has more outfit changes than any other character in Labyrinth and always has to make an entrance. (I rewatched Labyrinth last night, and even thinking about when he first introduces himself to Sarah - he really seemed to be enjoying that moment.) I also just like that he’s an antagonist, but a pretty layered one? I think Jim Henson did a good job of layering a lot with Jareth in such a short time frame. There are a lot of facets about Jareth that get hinted to in the film, and I always really like David Bowie’s take on him: “at best, a romantic, but at worst he’s a spoilt child, vain and temperamental.” (<- I think that just really gets a lot of why I like him - I love characters with range.) I also love his voice and speech patterns. ;__; It’s like velvet but I have to give David Bowie credit for that. XD

9 - What’s your favourite headcanon(s) for this character?

This is another laundry list. XD So I’m going to try to be brief and link any past posts I’ve made about these (also these are just my own personal headcanons): 1.) Jareth is trapped in his role as Goblin King, and relishes being in his owl form because it’s the only time he has the illusion of true freedom. 2.) That while he comes across as domineering and cruel, with questionable actions, he is at heart a very romantic person. (I think there is a part of Jareth that definitely feels isolated, and he has probably been alone for some time and never truly felt accepted.) 3.) I tend to lean toward Jareth being of a fae background, while also being an illegitimate/unwanted child. Normally, I see people either headcanon Jareth as a fae or unsaved human child (like in Labyrinth: Coronation), but I think he’s both. >.> (I have more headcanons on this possibility and other Jareth headcanons here.) 4.) Going off number 3, before he was put into the role of Goblin King, he was a totally rebel. Probably was a source of hot gossip among fae. XD (Even if he isn’t of a fae background, Jareth gives me that bad boy energy - so if he’s a human, goblin, whatever, I just feel like mischief was his middle name in his younger years.) 5.) He’s really afraid of old age and dying, and is very focused on appearance. 6.) Also another one I have that is just permanently living in the back of my mind is that he’s bisexual/pansexual - I don’t really think gender is even a question for him. He wants who he wants. XD

14 - What outfit would you really like to see this character wear? Or what’s your favourite outfit of theirs?

The last outfit Jareth wears when confronting Sarah is easily my favorite out of anything he ever wears (I definitely have others that come close adkljasdlkjas feel free to hit me up if you want to talk attire >.>). Granted, Jareth looks amazing in all of his outfits, but I think there’s something really special about that final outfit with the feather cloak (owl feathers??). Maybe because while it’s not necessarily white, it’s the closest we get to something “colorless”, rather than the dark, 80s rock/glam aesthetic he typically has going on. I really wish we had seen this outfit more. (This is more going into headcanon territory, but there’s just...I don’t know. A very different look to Jareth in that final confrontation overall? Even though there’s something still very glamorous about that attire, it felt the most vulnerable out of everything he wears in the film.) Honorable mention to the look he has when he gives Hoggle the peach to give Sarah. That look is another good one. X3

18 - What’s something you associate this character with? E.g. a certain colour, object or scenery?

Okay, finally I can give a short answer, but definitely barn owls! Music, crystals, and masquerades I associate with him as well, but barn owls just feel like the thing I associate him with most.

Character Asks.

#jareth #jareth the goblin king #labyrinth #labyrinth 1986 #headcanons #asks #character asks #ask meme #answers #crystal0wls #I’m sorry these were really long jfklsjflksjflsjdf #after rewatching Labyrinth last night he is occupying most of my thoughts XD #thank you for the asks!!

[cactusdungeonmaster]

So how do I make a homebrew race? The Cactasehn (Part 3)

Hello again adventurers! Today, we’ll be continuing from my last post on my how I make a homebrew race and my thought process behind it when I’m designing said homebrewed race. Once again, I’ll be using a homebrew race that I’ve made in the past, called the Cactasehn as an example. Today, we’ll be taking a look at the stats section part of a homebrew race. The fun part.

Like the first post,  I’ll be showing the two pages of the stats for this race first and then proceed to go explain my though process behind the Cactasehns. (Feel free to play as them if you’d want). Also please keep in mind that the cactasehn race is not play tested much, and maybe in some games the race unbalanced, being overpowered or underpowered. More modifications and changes will be done to the race in the future, but for the sake of this post and future posts, I will be using the current version of the cactasehn race I made in the past.

Alrighty let’s jump right into it! First, let me tell you the traits paragraph, in case the picture is not clear enough. The paragraph goes as follows:

“CACTASEHN TRAITS 

Your Cactasehn character has the following prickly traits to make you a thorn on anybody's side. 

Ability Score Increase. Your Constitution scores increases by 2. 

Age. Cactasehns fully reach maturity at the age of 15, and can live up to 200 years. 

Alignment. Cactasehns are generally neutral creatures, focusing mainly on their survival in the deserts, though they may attack travellers for resources, they almost never go out of their way to kill them. Cactasehns that wander the deserts to help travelers lean more towards good. 

Size. Cactasehn are around the same height as humans, averaging from 5 to 6 feet tall. Your size is medium. 

Speed. Your base walking speed is 30 feet. 

Darkvision. For survival, your eyes have adapted to help you find your way through the desert nights. You can see in dim light within 60 feet of you as if it were bright light, and in darkness as if it were dim light. You can't discern colour in darkness, only shades of gray. 

Photosynthesis. You are able to perform photosynthesis to produce your own food. You need to be exposed to sunlight for 4 to 6 hours, for this to occur. If you decide to photosynthesize, you are considered to have eaten for the day. However, you can choose to eat food normally though as many Cactasehns enjoy eating. 

Spiked Defence. As a bonus action, you can extend the spikes throughout your body or cause them to retract. While your spikes are extended, when you aren't wearing armour, your AC is 11 + your Constitution modifier. You can use your Spiked Defence to determine your AC if the armor you wear would leave you with a lower AC. A shield's benefits apply as normal while you use your natural armor. In addition, when a creature hits you with a melee attack within 5 feet of you or grapples you while your spikes are extended, you can use a reaction extended your spikes further to deal piercing damage to that creature equal to 1d8 + your Constitution modifier. Once you've used this trait, you can't use this it again until you finish a short or long rest. 

Claw Spikes. Your claw-like spikes are natural weapons which you can use to make unarmed strikes. If you hit with them, you deal slashing damage equal to ld4 + your Strength modifier, instead of the bludgeoning damage normal for an unarmed strike. 

Shooting Spikes. You can make a ranged weapon at to shoot out your spikes at a creature within 60 feet. If you hit with them, you deal piercing damage equal to 1d6 + Dexterity modifier. The damage increase to 2d6 at 6th level, 3d6 at 11th, and 4d6 at 16th level. Once you've used this trait, you can't use this it again until you finish a short or long rest. 

Root Ingrain. As a bonus action, you sprout roots from your feet and ingrain them into the ground to absorb water deep underground or to uproot yourself. Once rooted, your speed becomes 0 and you have advantage on saving throws that force you to move unwillingly. Failing those saving throws automatically uproot you from the ground. 

Desert Survivalist. You have proficiency in the Perception and Survival skills.

Plant-like. You are considered both plant and humanoid.

Languages. You can speak, read, and write Common and Cactan (The Cactasehn language).”

Alright, let’s quickly go over the first three. Every race has a ability score increase, it shows what that race’s best physical or mental trait. And in the case of the cactasehn, it’s constitution, because as stated earlier, they’re a hardy race that has evolved to survive in the desert, it only makes sense for them to be bulkier and sturdier, so a speedier race would have a dexterity increase and smarter races would have an intelligence increase. 

Next, the age of a creature helps players’ roleplaying, providing with ample background and experience for their backstory, depending on their age. In the case of the cactasehn, I pretty much just based them on real life cacti. The age can really be whatever you want it to be. Is the race a race with a short lifespan but does a lot with their time, or is your race a grumpy race with long lifespan, being secluded from everyone else? Its up to you.

Alignment helps a player decide what their characters would do depending on the situation, but remember that alignment is meant for a guideline a character should not be defined by it. The alignment section usually helps build a character when creating one, and the cactasehn can go either way, depending on their nature and beliefs. So I gave a reason for as to why they would lean to a certain alignment over another.

Now for some more involved gameplay traits. First, darkvision. Every player loves darkvision, they can just ignore dark areas that a DM is trying to hide, unless its magical darkness. Its a great, versatile ability, but before you give your race darkvision, understand and know why it has darkvision in the first place. Do they have magic in their blood? Do they evolve that way? As stated for the cactasehn for their survivability. So think about it.

Photosynthesis is a simple trait. Its not really in a rule book, but it really just helps alleviate food issues in dungeons and dragons 5th edition, where I personally struggle to keep up and care about. Cactasehns are also just plant people, so it makes sense why they would have this.

Spiked defence, claw spikes and shooting spikes are combat oriented traits, and all of them are based on a cacti’s spines and spikes. Not all races need traits like these, and some rarely even have a sound reason to have these traits in the first place. Remember combat traits are optional, heck even using them is optional, they’re not really that good, because they’re not supposed to be. they simply act as a substitue and most importantly an option for the player. I gave the cactasehn three of them because it made sense for a race of survivalist cacti people trying to not die in the desert. Ok, I’ll admit, its a it excesive but I like it, shut up!

Now the final few. Let’s start with desert survivalist. I keep ragging on and on about how the cactasehns are survivalists, so why not just give them free profficiencies. Once again, not all races have something like this, and it needs to make sense, why a race would have a proficiency trait in the first place.

Plant-like is a simple trait that simple helps clear up some confusion. Some weapons and spells deal additional damage, or less damage depending on what monster type it hits. This trait essentially clarifies that this race is in fact, still a plant, hence if there’s anything that would do more damage against a plant monster, it would also affect this race. Once again, optional because of precautionary reasons.

Finally languages. Most races talk, and by clarifying what language your race can speak, helps clear the air and once again help with the development and experience of a charcter’s backstory. cactan is just a made up language I made so they can insult other races within themselves. I do strongly recommend that a homebrew race has common as one of its languages; Its the universal language, and it helps for the table and other players, unless the race is super secluded or are super stupid.

That’s the end of this post. I hope these explanations help when deciding what traits to give your homebrew race when you’re making one. Next post I’ll be talking about the subraces of the cactasehn. I’ll say it here first, not every race needs subraces, but it sure does make it unique, and that’s what I’m aiming with the cactasehn, basing their subraces on actual cactus species. Well until next time then, good luck fellow DMs, have fun fellow players, and may your travels be fruitful adventurers, in yor journey through Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition.

#dungeons and dragons #dnd #d&d #dnd homebrew #dnd5e

[superlinguo]

Practical advice if you want to start a podcast

I wrote a post for the RED team at La Trobe with some general advice for podcasting, but I’ve found there are some recurring questions that I get about setting up a podcast. This post is here to answer those questions.

If you’re not interested in starting a podcast, but want to listen to more linguistics podcasts, I’ve got a list for you!

I last updated this post in June 2021 - if you find this post a few years after this you might want to search for some more up to date specs. I’ll continue to update this from time to time as new questions (or answers) come up.

Picture your audience

Before you make any decisions about your show, know who it is for. Your topic might be incredibly niche and have an audience in the hundreds, which is very different to a potentially larger but less engaged audience. See the classic blog post from Kevin Kelly on the power of 1000 true fans. Knowing your potential audience, where they hang out online, and how they’re likely to support you, will help your decision making. I have a self-guided slide set for refining your project before you start working on it. It’s also ok to know who you don’t want as your audience, and make choices that don’t actively include them. Do this early and clearly so people aren’t disappointed. For example, having a show with clearly noted explicit language selects away from young kids and their parents.

The length and format of your show are a product of your aims

I personally like shows in the 25-35 minute range. But, having said that, I love Shortwave, which regularly clocks in at 10 minutes, and I’m disappointed when an episode of You’re Wrong About is less than an hour.

Know your audience and the level of depth you want to explore a topic in. The frequency of episodes and the amount of time you have to prepare and edit will also affect how long episode end up. Record a few episodes first and share them with people you trust will give you good feedback.

The best interviews are conversations

Good interviews are just conversations that are intentionally lopsided, and good interviewers make the conversation feel like it’s not lopsided. Do your homework, write out some questions, and then take a step back and actually listen to the person you’re interviewing.

Anyone who has done even a few interviews has already faced most of the questions you first think of. There are some fixes for this: push through your initial brainstorming, think about the specific angles on their topic that are most relevant to your audience and (again) listen to what the person is telling you. Like many podcasting skills, good interviewing takes practice, and you can practice by staying curious about humans you interact with in any area of your life, not just your podcast guests.

Use the best mics you can, but don’t over-invest

You don’t have go and buy the fanciest tech. If you have access to a studio, great! If you don’t, then decide what your budget is. When we started Lingthusiasm, Gretchen recorded into her phone, because we were running the show on no budget and had no idea if we’d stick it out more than 6 months. When we started making money we got Gretchen a Zoom H4n to match mine. It’s still not the fanciest, but it’s rugged and adequate, especially if you make sure you’re in a closet with some blankets. Do I regret the earlier episodes of Lingthusiasm don’t sound amazing? Not as much as I would have regretted investing hundreds of dollars in a podcast that had 4 episodes.

Edit your show

Even a light edit will make the show easier for your audience to listen to, and show respect for the people you interview. I know people believe there’s an aesthetic of authenticity that comes with not editing, but all podcasting is a performance. Editing is a politeness to your audience.

Editing means a very wide range of things. You can do full production editing, including the addition of music, multiple different voice-overs and voices reading parts (e.g. getting someone else to read author quotes to bring them to life) and additional sound effects. Or you might just edit out the start and end of the recording, and any false starts and errors throughout the show. A lot of the pauses and fillers we use in conversation are designed for an audience who is in on the conversation and can reply, and can feel like they’re holding up a conversation when you’re a passive listener like a podcast audience. Many of the best conversational podcasts are given an edit to make them easier on the ears.

I use audacity to edit

Audacity is free to use. It takes a little longer to learn than something like GarageBand, but once you know how to use it, you’ll be much faster at editing. I appreciate that it has stayed pretty much the same since I started using it almost 15 years ago.

Get your levels right

Once you’ve edited your show, making sure there aren’t too many loud laughs, or your two hosts aren’t unbalanced in loudness. You’ll also need to make sure your podcast isn’t too loud or soft compared to others in people’s list. You need to regularise it. A lot of podcasts regularise to -16 LUFS. A few other numbers bounce around (-14, -18), but this is what we use and no one complains.  Audacity can’t do it. You can process a certain number of hours of audio for free each month using the web-based Auphonic. It’s great. 

There’s lots of great free music to use

You want to look for music that has a license that’s free to use. Even if you don’t plan to make money from your podcast, make sure the license includes commercial use so you don’t limit your future options. SoundCloud and YouTube have lots of options, as does Kevin MacLeod - who has created royalty-free music in a massive range of genres. 

Web hosting is different to getting your show on iTunes

We use SoundCloud to upload and share our audio. It’s fine. I have no complaints. Once you’ve uploaded a few hours of audio you’ll have to pay annually for a pro account. Anchor seems to be a good new competitor, it’s free - I assume they make money off people choosing to run ads on their podcasts. You then generate an RSS feed, which is the thing that points all the podcast players to the place you’ve uploaded your recording. You’ll then have to add your show to major podcast platforms (Apple Podcast, Google Podcast), smaller ones will pick it up from there.

It takes a few days for your show to get picked up on all the podfeeders

Launching a podcast is a bit of a mess - it will go live on your hosting site but then you’ll have to set yourself up with iTunes, Google Podcast etc. and that can take a few days to update and populate. The sites that are popular, and the process of linking into those spaces, changes often enough that you should just google advice when you’re ready to launch, and give yourself a few days. This is part of why some podcasts launch a short ‘episode 0′ or a trailer, it gets the show set up.

Transcripts should be one of the first things you fund

Not every podcast has the time or funds to make transcripts. I do think they’re important though; for people who can’t or don’t want to listen, for discoverability and for your own record when you can’t remember when you talked about a specific story. If you have any time or money and want to be taken seriously at all, this should be one of your earliest priorities. This is even more true for educational podcasts, where a transcript ensures all students can appreciate the content of your show.

You don’t neeeeed a website, but it’s handy

You can run a show using a hosting platform and some social media. Having a website does allow you to add more information about the show and yourself. The Lingthusiasm page has grown over the years as the show has; we made a page for our liveshow events, we provide a list of episodes by topic, information about our Discord community, and our marvelous wall of supporters. The website was much more minimal when we started, but compared to just having a SoundCloud it gave the show room to grow.

You probably want socials, but be selective

You need to make your podcast discoverable by people who are likely to be your audience. Social media is one way to do this, but it’s better to be actually engaging on fewer social platforms than overextend yourself. Focus on platforms that are the intersection of where your possible fans are likely to be and where you enjoy being.

Funding a podcast takes time, and takes work

There are three main revenue streams for podcasts: advertising, crowdfunding and merch. A fourth option is institutional support (through your university or business), but then you’re beholden to the funder. Whichever revenue options work for you, think about them and plan towards them early. Part of that is making sure your podcast gets in as many ears as possible. Most successful podcasts spend as much, if not more, time on marketing, audience engagement and business planning as they do podcasting (it’s just not very glamorous to admit that!).

Choose whether each episode can stand alone

Some podcasts build a narrative over multiple episodes. Others allow listeners to jump in at any point and listen in any order. Whatever you choose, make this clear to your audience. This choice is going to influence a range of choices around what information to include in the opening and closing, how topical to make the show, and how you promote your podcast. 

Seasons are a great structure to keep a podcast manageable

Regardless of whether your show runs in a sequence, planning a season with a fixed number of episodes allows you to take some time off, to maybe change some things that weren’t working, or to step away from the project with a podcast that hasn’t been left hanging.

#podcast #podcasting #podcasts

[theggning]

Codsworth Is So Underrated, You Guys

ALTERNATE TITLE: Codsworth and the Totally Understated Mindbending Evolution of Artificial Consciousness

I find Codsworth is often the most underrated of the 16 companions in Fallout 4. Your faithful robot butler is among the very first you can recruit and an excellent early-game ally, but he has a few disadvantages in gameplay that mean he’s often sent back to Sanctuary before long. Codsworth is a mid-to-close range fighter only, cannot wear armor or be equipped with weapons. He cannot be healed by stimpak, which makes him a liability if you’re playing on Survival mode. He has no companion quest of his own, so unless you particularly enjoy him there’s not a compelling reason to keep him for a long time. He also becomes recruitable exactly 2 minutes after adorable puppy Best Boy Dogmeat, so he is often (understandably) replaced just as soon as he’s made available.

But there is this great, completely understated facet to Codsworth, so understated that the game does not draw attention to it in any way. And yet, it is a wonderful reflection of many of the themes of Fallout 4 and, I believe, a pretty strong indication of its thesis statement.

Now what in the hell am I talking about?

Like many sci-fi/fantasy universes, the Fallout series is home to many highly-advanced robots. Robots were commonplace before the Great War, and many have survived the bombs intact and in working order. Others have been built or modified by wastelanders to serve various tasks (Percy, Ada.) The most important thing to understand about robots, though, is though they may have vivid personalities programmed in, they are widely accepted to be objects. They are thought of the same way as an appliance, a machine built for a specific purpose and programmed to follow a strict set of protocols.

Many jokes revolve around the relatively rigid intelligence of robots. Pre-War, many were deployed in inappropriate jobs or designed haphazardly (Mister Handies acting as nurses in a hospital, “paramedic” Protectrons with massive deadly tasers for hands, military robots constantly going haywire and erupting in friendly fire.) Others continue to man businesses and play out daily tasks as they were programmed to do over 200 years ago. Most robots are incapable of understanding anything beyond their initial programming, and most pre-War robots are completely unaware that the Great War ever happened.

When the Sole Survivor reunites with Codsworth at the ruins of their home, it seems like he, too, doesn’t understand what’s going on. He talks about tending the (dead) garden, references the (ghoulified) neighbors, and generally acts like the chipper robot butler Sole left behind on their way to Vault 111.

But there is something slightly… off in Codsworth’s dialogue here. Though he acts like the war never happened, he also specifically mentions details that suggest it did:

Player Default: Codsworth! You're still... fully operational?          

Codsworth: {Defiant} Well of course, mum. You can thank the fine engineers at General Atomics for that! At least, you could have. Had they not been... vaporized.

A bit over 210 actually, mum. Give or take a little for the Earth's rotation and some minor dings to the ole' chronometer. That means you're two centuries late for dinner! Ha ha ha. Perhaps I can whip you up a snack? You must be famished.

You've no idea the desperation for human contact one develops over 200 years. {Upset, recalling bad memories of encountering raiders and scavengers. / Disgust} And when you do encounter them? Oh the cruelty! You're either... target practice or... spare parts!

Even stranger, Codsworth mentions details that are plainly made-up (or some kind of delusion):

Codsworth: It's been ages since we've had a proper family activity. Checkers. Or perhaps charades. Shaun does so love that game. Is the lad... with you...?   

Player Default: Codsworth... listen to me carefully... have you seen him? Have you seen Shaun?              

Codsworth: Why, sir had him last, remember? Perhaps he's gone to the Parker residence to arrange a play-date?

(Shaun is an infant. He is too young to play charades or to go to the neighbors for a play-date.)

So at once, Codsworth does and does not acknowledge the war. He does and does not seem to understand what’s happened, and he does and does not seem to follow Sole’s urgency regarding their spouse’s death and Shaun’s kidnapping.

And then, after a speech check, Codsworth finally snaps and breaks down sobbing in despair. Not only does he understand that the war happened, he has developed the ability to get depressed about it. Longing for human contact and with nothing else to do, he’s even developed coping mechanisms to help him try to deal with his loneliness and despair—futilely trying to do his chores and deluding himself into pretending everything is completely normal.

Wait a minute. Sobbing? Despair? Depression? Coping mechanisms and delusions? This Is all pretty sophisticated stuff to be programmed into a robot, and if you spend more time with Codsworth, the reality of what’s happened to him becomes apparent:

Codsworth has evolved beyond his programming. In his 210 lonely years of existence, he has developed emotional reactions and self-awareness far beyond that of most other robots, and, indeed, has basically evolved an artificial consciousness.

“Emergent intelligence” is the theoretical ability of an AI to eventually develop something resembling human thought processes, and it seems that our dear Codsworth has undergone this. Traveling with him, he displays many sophisticated thoughts and behaviors far beyond what most robots are shown to be capable of. He has memories of pre-War time and places, and understands how various locations have changed. He is capable of learning new information and forming opinions on it, gaining his own understanding of the people and factions in the Commonwealth. He can feel happiness, sorrow, fear, disgust. He can anticipate things, predict danger and imagine how people might respond to your actions. The mere he fact he has opinions and a moral code that he applies to you shows he has free will, something even other robot companions don’t (Ada has a personality, but absolutely does not care about your actions.)

He’s also smart enough to make many wry observational jokes, and to lay one hell of a sick burn on you:

{Joking - Found an old bowling alley. / Amused} Fancy a game, mum? Something tells me the bumpers are no longer available.

 Codsworth’s intelligence is even more sophisticated than that. He displays stunning self-awareness, frequently referencing the fact he is a robot and what that means. He is very proud of his background as General Atomics’ finest, and seems pleased with his robot nature and his lot in life. (Unlike Curie, I don’t think Codsworth would ever really want to gain a synth body. He seems quite happy as he is.)

Here he is making reference to still feeling the tug of his programming:

{Seeing an office with chairs arranged in a circle. / Neutral} I've the most incredible urge to rearrange those chairs in a more perfect circle.

Understanding when other robots are restricted by theirs:

A pity. It appears Deezer's programming is too severe to allow for normal conversation. Ah well.

And when they’re actually not:

Codsworth: Greetings, sir. Good to see another robot in town. That chef hat becomes you.

Takahashi: Nan-ni shimasho-ka?

Codsworth: Takahashi you say? I'm Codsworth, a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

Takahashi: Nan-ni shimasho-ka?              

Codsworth: Is that so? Well, we both know RobCo is no General Atomics. It's not surprising it failed, shoddy work and all.  {Friendly - trying to cheer up another robot. / Friendly} Chin up, though. Never know when parts may turn up.

 And here’s Galaxy Brain Codsworth ruminating on his own state of being and contemplating his nature:

{Disappointed that he can't be 100% human sometimes. / Sad} It's unfortunate that I lack the proper design to consume liquids. Something about camaraderie over a few drinks is very inviting.            

I suppose if I had the hardware, I'd have the software as well. I'd hate to see how that'd affect my honesty and manner settings.

{Reconsidering what he thought was a good idea. / Thinking} Indeed. Perhaps I should rethink my initial desire.

Hilariously, Codsworth does not seem fully aware of how remarkable his intelligence is. He occasionally says things like “if I had feelings” and “if I could feel things,” indicating that in some ways he still believes he is only a robot and defines himself by what a robot is and does.

But as we can see, our humble robot butler has essentially evolved to become the smartest, most emotionally intelligent and person-like robot in the Commonwealth*, and potentially in the series.

([SIDE NOTE: Other FO4 robots nearing Codsworth’s level of consciousness and developed personality include Captain Ironsides, KLE-O, Whitechapel Charlie, and perhaps Takahashi. Curie is close, but also receives the unfair advantage of being uploaded into a synth body with a human brain. Jezebel also functions off of a human brain. Nick is not a robot, he’s a synth (though he does jokingly refer to himself as one) and also has the advantage of a human brain encoded on his processor.])

Also hilariously, the game basically does not acknowledge Codsworth’s impressive evolution. At all. There is absolutely no direct mention of it in the script. It is all left to ambient dialogue and the player’s own observations. And because so many people overlook Codsworth as a companion, they may not even realize exactly how unique his expanded consciousness is.

Now, you might call this total lack of mention a mistake, an oversight on Bethesda’s part, or that old chestnut “bad writing.” I don’t think it is. I think it’s a deliciously subtle little detail to include in a story about humanity, machines, artificial intelligence, and what makes a person.

Many of the themes of FO4 revolve around synths—distinctly not robots, but androids, artificially created beings with fully organic human bodies. Most of the storyline factions have strong beliefs about synths and the relative humanity thereof. The Institute believes that synths are objects, tools, machines no different from a robot who are only simulating their personalities through programming. The Brotherhood believes synths are monstrous abominations, a danger to humanity itself, technology run amok which needs to be destroyed. The Railroad believes they are people. Not humans, but people, built instead of born, free-thinking beings that deserve to be treated with respect and given rights.

Through quests, dialogue, notes, worldbuilding and other venues, players explore these questions. What makes someone a person? If your personality and memories can be rewritten or programmed, then who are you, really? Where do we draw the line between humans and machines, and how do we decide who belongs where?

Meanwhile, as the player contemplates the nature of personhood and the definition of intelligence, their robot butler quietly evolves into a fully-conscious person on his own, right beside them.

Codsworth is unquestionably a machine, but also unquestionably beyond the appliance he was built to be. Which to some philosophies and players should really beg a few other questions. If a robot can be considered a person, then what makes synths so different? And how many excuses do we have to make to pretend otherwise?

Ya boy Codsworth may not be flashy, or powerful, or kissable. He may not be the most glamorous companion around. But he is a good friend, a beloved member of the family, and above all else, a loyal butler—content to serve, quietly and humbly doing his job where some may never even notice him-- or the fact that he’s casually become his own person and sent generations of roboticists and philosophers spinning in their graves.

#fallout 4 #fallout meta #codsworth #hey tumblr fuck you i win #i was forced to do an involuntary second draft #but i like it better now so hey

[tundrainafrica]

Title: Lovebug (8/12)

Summary:  

“It might be a bug.”

“A bug?”

“Sometimes the developers of this application make mistakes. This is our first time meeting I’m sure so…Isn’t it a bit weird that we just met for the first time and it rings like this? And for two strangers to coincidentally ring each other’s alarms?“

Levi is the developer of the Love Alarm App and Hange is married to Zeke.

Link to cross-postings: AO3

Other Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Notes: Feedback is very much appreciated :D

Levi put a hard deadline for Wednesday

“Wednesday” he said it again because he couldn’t be too certain how he said it the first time. He was conscious if he were too stiff, it might almost seem awkward. If he were too relaxed, maybe the urgency wouldn’t get across.

The challenge was finding the balance and when his team nodded, their faces unchanging, he realized it had been an easy task. They had gone through that same pattern before, especially before a large-scale quality assurance test, a recalibration of the application.

And the one on Monday was much larger, covering not just fifty volunteers, maybe even hundreds. When it was Zeke’s own connections that had managed to get that many volunteers, they couldn’t afford to delay it.

Levi cleared his throat and continued. “All fixes should be completed by Wednesday. All QA and regression tests by Friday,” Levi added. “The large scale QA test will be happening on Monday. No negotiations. No chances of rescheduling. ”

Aside from the number of volunteers, that QA test should not be anything different. Nothing much changed except perhaps the fact that Levi was in a constant state of compartmentalizing. He was working partly with outsourced labor to complete the code and to make sure someone was testing their new application. He was also working with his own team to make sure they were still addressing issues and realising fixes for the love alarm.

He liked the busy-ness, the need to be constantly thinking about work. Sometimes though, there were more distracting prospects that forced their way into his limited brainspace. And for some reason, his brain space was so willing to accommodate it.

More specifically, to accommodate her. Well, he had no choice anyway. After all, it was her application. It was his brain child but by extension, it was her and Zeke’s property.

He was constantly in a state of stress and Hange’s presence only made things more stressful. But somehow, his brain demanded he forced that extra piece of information, that piece of responsibility, that piece of Hange somewhere in his brain.

Just like he couldn’t say no to Zeke and Hange, he couldn’t say no to the manifestations of his own mind.

She never gave him a chance to say no. After all, she liked working in his office. She had made herself at home on the desk next to him and everyday he was reminded of that extra compartment his brain had created just for him.

All he had to do was enter the room and enjoy the view of her hunched over her laptop like she always was.

First thing in the morning, she was there. After meetings and standups with his team, he would go back to his office like always, and she was there.

That time, all test devices were lined on the desk, the whiteboard that only that morning had been covered with scribbles was replaced with something a little more coherent.

“You’re testing?” Levi sat next to her, counting ten devices before deciding it would be a waste of time to count further. He looked back up at her.

Hange nodded. “You updated the build last Friday right?”

“Just some fixes,” Levi said. The fixes came slowly, with more data being added, with the algorithm being tested here and there. It was still far from perfect though. He scanned the whiteboard just to get an inkling of her own progress. “How many pseudo emails do you have?” He could have counted it himself but once again, he gave up after ten.

“Enough to test on this many devices,” Hange said.

He read them out loud, taking note of the checkmarks..

Wingsoffreedom123

Wingsoffreedom213

Wingsoffreedom231

Wingsoffreedom321

Wingsoffreedom312

Wingsoffreedom132

“Creative,” Levi commented.

“Look, I just need a bunch of emails that are easy to remember so might as well stick to the same combination,” Hange said. “ You get it, Humanity’s strongest?”

Levi cringed inwardly. He should really go around changing that name. “Do you actually use those emails?” He asked.

“Sometimes, when applying for free trials, when making more than one account in websites.” Hange said. “I like keeping my own consumption patterns not connected to ‘Hange Zoe,’ if you know what I mean.”

“At least you’re able to make use of those emails for testing.” Levi pulled his chair a little closer to her and looked over her shoulder. “Is it working better?”

“It rings,” Hange said. “The last five times I tested, they said I was happy.” She chose that moment to click ‘activate’ on the next alarm. As expected, it rang again, the words ‘happy” flashed in the middle of the screen with an ugly smiley face in Arial font right under it.

It was a blatantly horrible sign that maybe they had spent a little too much time on the back end. Front end and user interface could be fixed a little later anyway, Levi reminded himself. He brought out his own test device and pressed the activate button.

The word ‘happy’ flashed across the screen. “Looks like they fixed a lot of the kinks,” Levi said.

“Are you happy?” Hange asked.

Those types of questions were the ones that had him a little more self aware. He didn’t answer immediately, instead, he left his natural instincts speak for themselves. A smile threatened to creep up his lips overwhelming the small part of him that wanted to push it down into something more subtle.

“Levi, are you happy?” Hange pressed, a hint of a laugh in her voice.

He was. He couldn't tell exactly why. Overall, it had seemed much easier, to just let the smile climb up his face so he gave it facility, freedom to move.

And soon, he didn’t regret it. Maybe because his own smile had been the reason Hange’s eyes got bigger before her features softened into something comfortable within a few seconds.

Before Levi could appreciate them a little more, her eyes suddenly narrowed, as if studying him. He noted all of it in her expression, the triumph, the victory lap in her expression, and the sneer particularly evident in her eyes.

He didn’t want her to win that little game they had for themselves. So he turned back, allowing time for the smile to fall into something less embarrassing. “Well, if the application says I’m happy, maybe I am.” He stood up again, holding his laptop to his side. “I’m going out for a break.”

***

Summer was ending soon.

And for Levi, the end was usually accompanied by the relief that he wouldn’t have to brave public transportation under the sweltering heat while dealing with an office dress code.

Strangely, he also found himself a little melancholic as he noted that red leaves were starting to sprout more frequently among the branches. He considered it almost an obligation to take a walk twice or thrice a week, especially during those last few weeks.

He would sit on one of the benches by the garden. To save time, he would bring his laptop every single time and he would always allow himself short in-betweens to enjoy his surroundings after long minutes of staring at the screen.

Like always, the trees were above him and the flowers were in front of him. When he looked down, he even enjoyed the grass and the cobblestone lined paths.

“You take the same route every time.”

Levi looked up, an instinctive reaction to that very familiar, almost intimate voice. “You followed me?”

“What if I wanted to take a walk too?” Hange asked.

“You're welcome to take a walk. I’m just gonna do some work here before going back inside,” Levi said. He looked back at the screen in front of him, trying to find something to make progress with as he monitored the workflow tracker.

Nothing much had changed or was expected to change, his own staff was probably on lunch break. He trusted them enough to be certain they would get most of their work done by Wednesday. And consequently, he was left with nothing much else to do but maybe take a lunch break too.

Hange sat right next to him on the bench and Levi pulled away, far enough to put a good few inches between them. “You’re going out more often now,” Hange said.

“I noticed I’ve been spending too much time indoors. I never really got to enjoy summer for what it was. We only get it three months a year.”

Hange gave him a knowing look. “And you only noticed it now? After living in this city your whole life?” She asked. “You’ve lived here your whole life right?”

“Yeah,” Levi said.

Hange shrugged. “You just never struck me as the type to enjoy weather, or nature in general. Back in the golf course, back in the ocean, you didn’t look like you wanted to be there,” she noted.

“Maybe it’s a recent thing,” Levi said. He kept it vague, not wanting to probe any complex topics when he was grappling with more important complex things.

Hange though, was a black hole of knowledge, a bundle overflowing with curiosity. “What makes it pretty? Why do you like taking walks?”

“Do we have to have a reason?”

“Well ever since I started to work closely with you, I started to notice something too,” Hange said. “You seem happier.”

“Maybe because Zeke is always busy.”

Hange snorted. “You really hate him don’t you?” She leaned a little closer. “And aren’t you at all nervous admitting it to me?” An overly playful demeanor accompanied such intimidating words. It was more laughable than terrifying.

Levi shook his head, unfazed. “I trust you wouldn’t tell him.”

“I wouldn’t,” she admitted. “I don’t blame you though.” She only had to give him an almost pitied look for him to read her mind.

He articulated it for her. “I never really recovered from those two all-nighters cramming an application.” That had been more than three months ago but the memory still burned as a faint memory of excruciating exhaustion and an unpleasant caffeine buzz that took weeks to brush off.

“You managed to impress the hospital admin at least. And we got the funds,” Hange said.

Does that make Zeke any more of an insufferable person? He had hoped to ask that with the face he gave Hange then, one eyebrow raised. If it didn’t send the message, he could easily say it out loud. That one pleasantry Zeke afforded him though that day in front of the convenience store echoed in his head. Even just coming up with an insult sent a wave of guilt through him.

A wave of guilt I don’t need to feel. Levi reminded himself, willing to recall the other instances the blond had been abrasive. Zeke was either a master manipulator or misunderstood. He was a billionaire though, so Levi decided to err on the side of ‘manipulator.’

“The funds go to the company, to the outsourcing activities and to server space,” Levi corrected.

“Don’t you have company shares?” Hange asked.

“A stock option,” Levi clarified. “Something I chose not to take. I’d rather get my money as is. I don’t trust myself to grow something of that much value.” He kept his answers vague, since he never did read the contract closely anyway, it was Erwin who went through the benefits with him.

“Well everyone else in the company who runs on stock options seems to trust you. Zeke’s own investment is riding on your own ability to make a good product...” My PhD dreams are riding on your product. Hange didn’t say that last part out loud but Levi heard it loud and clear.

“Well this pseudo love alarm project, it’s still far from perfect.” For emphasis, he opened up the new project entitled ‘emotion alarm project’ on his dashboard and slipped the laptop screen over to Hange. “Thirty percent done. We barely fixed the interface, just getting the required testing and data done is taking up a lot of resources.”

“I know that and I expected it,” Hange said. “You know, a PhD sometimes takes decades to complete and I’m ready to take that much time.”

“I just wanna manage your expectations. Besides, something about the testing still bothers me.”

“What about it?”

“Remember the first night I made the application?” He stifled a wince at the painful memory. “It didn’t ring… until you came in.”

“Maybe it was a bug?” Hange suggested. “It shouldn’t be too much of an issue right? Since you made a lot of improvements after.”

“I did,” Levi said.

“And it never happened again with the later builds.”

“It doesn’t but it works too much like the love alarm. Do you notice, it always rings when we’re nearby?”

“When we’ve already loaded millions worth of data points. When we’ve overseen that much testing with other people. I don’t think you have to think too hard about it. We just keep improving the application right? Same as the love alarm,” Hange explained.

“Maybe I’m just being cynical. It doesn’t work once and I can never trust it again,” Levi muttered as he scrolled through the tasks for the next release for the upteenth time since a while ago.

“I guess that’s what happens when you’re the one who came up with the project. You can never trust your own abilities to develop?"

"Or because I worked on it, at three in the morning, I tested it. I know how many shortcuts I took with it…" Levi trailed off as he started to focus a little more on the numbers, the titles on the task trackers.

"You know they did the research, the testing, if it works for them, if they have a good success rate, then maybe it works for us too? Maybe the app is right, we're happy when we’re next to each other. Sometimes we’re sad when we’re next to each other and sometimes we're angry. If this application is detecting moods like this… similarly to the love alarm, maybe it means we could--- "

"Get along?" Levi finished it for her. There were only so many things that code could mean anyway.

"Get along.... Or to get to know each other more." Hange said, her voice softer than a second ago. The smile took longer to leave her lips.

Hange though had always been good at composing herself but Levi had months to figure out patterns and trends in the way she navigated the more sensitive topics. He couldn't help but notice the heavy tension, even under the light summer breeze.

Those moments happened too often that Levi had prepared an escape route every time. Business talk. And they had a lot to talk about. "Hange, I wanna ask something about the front end," Levi scrolled back up, towards the top of the task trackers. Dealing with front end was a mammoth task, rifed with two many sub tasks but it was definitely one of the last priorities, if it was even a priority. Levi wasn’t the type to particularly mind releasing an application with a white background and an interface that used the very underwhelming Arial font.

But it was Hange and Zeke’s application.

"Ask away," Hange said.

It came easily after that. The ticket on his workflow tracker had an inkling of a script to follow. "What colors would you associate with emotions?" He asked.

"What?" Hange furrowed her brows.

Levi cleared his throat. Nevermind, it wasn't easy to come up with the question without a little more expounding. "Like would you say red is anger? Blue is sadness? Yellow is happiness?"

"Wait? Why?" Hange asked again. Her lips were curled up just a little higher.

"I'm thinking of the front end of the application. What colors do you see for each emotion?"

"Yellow for happiness," Hange answered easily.

"Not orange?" Levi challenged. He had opened up the task and started to take notes.

"Orange is way too angry for me."

"Red seems much angrier," Levi said

"Red is anger definitely but I'm not seeing bright red, I'm seeing something like orange."

Levi opened up a color wheel. " So this red?" Levi asked.

"No, bright reddish orange," Hange corrected. It may have been a coincidence or just a trick of convenience but a red leaf had fallen on her lap at that moment. Hange picked it up, and twirled it and held it in front of Levi like a token.

“So... autumn red?” Levi asked.

Hange dropped the leaf on his lap. “I guess.” She raised her eyebrow. “Why are you staring at me like that?”

Was he giving her a strange look? His mind sometimes formed opinions as he spoke and Hange had always been receptive anyway so he verbalized it, just for her. “When I’m angry, I see red,” Levi admitted.

“I haven't felt really angry in a while, so I wouldn’t know,” Hange said. “Maybe it changed.”

“Sadness?” Levi asked.

Hange turned to him questioningly. “Tell me yours first.”

“Grey,” Levi said automatically.

“Blue,” Hange said, as if it were the truest fact in the world.

A fact Levi was compelled to question. “Why blue?”

“Why not blue?”

“Blue doesn’t seem sad….”

“Why not?” Hange pressed.

“It seems…” Levi started, only realizing seconds later, he was unable to come up with the right words.

“Too nice?” Hange suggested.

“It’s a nice color. It makes me feel good just looking at it.” It was a pathetic response. With such a complex thought, to even force out of his mouth, he had to channel his inner child, through the most child-like attempts at articulation.

“Okay, I know it doesn’t feel good to be sad but.. don’t you think sadness is a beautiful feeling?” Hange asked.

“No.” It should have been a natural answer. Somehow, Levi felt like there was something else worth listening to.

Hange saw reason to continue at least. “You wouldn’t be feeling sad, if you never felt happy in the first place, if you’ve never felt desire or love. There are feelings much worse than being sad for sure.”

“Like what?”

“Not feeling at all maybe?” Hange surmised. “So maybe the strongest feelings, whether good or bad, are still nice… maybe something worth indulging.”

And it was turning into a philosophy lesson. How many hours had he wasted listening to Hange prattle on about emotions and concepts of love? They weren’t hours wasted for sure, but they did leave him feeling just a little sad at times. Once again, he went back to business talk. Levi looked back at his workflow tracker. “So ‘blue sad, yellow happy, red angry…”

“Do you really think sadness is grey?” Hange asked.

Levi looked up from his laptop and straight towards Hange. "Look, I don't think much about what color my emotions are…” He trailed off. He could have said more maybe. Speaking while reflecting turned out to be a daunting task at that moment.

Maybe sadness was grey. That had seemed like the most natural conclusion at first. He focused for a little longer on the view in front of him, the view of Hange and behind her the open grounds that made way for blue sky and the blue burned into his eyes, enough to make him feel something in his chest then down to his stomach. Before he knew it, he started to entertain Hange’s own idea.

When Hange looked back at him, the open sky behind her, he felt stinging at the back of his eyes, he let his face fall.

The color overall had been burning at first. The more he stared, the more he noticed its more lasting qualities. It turned out blue wasn’t burning, it was subdued, mild. At the same time, the clear endless shade of blue in the sky behind her did wonders to accentuate her features. Enough of a reminder to leave another twinge in his chest, that time it was slightly painful.

A twinge of sadness. Emotions may be difficult to comprehend but whatever clarity that washed over him then had been enough of a motivator to speak up. “I think you’re right, sadness is blue,” he said. A beautiful blue.

He found himself searching for the prettiest shades on the color wheel, looking back up at the sky, then to the yellow streaks from the sun that hit the pavement. He then turned his head towards the garden where red roses grew. From a distance, from above, they were supposed to form a heart.

“Yeah, red and yellow too. Red hurts, it’s glaring, Sometimes yellow is too bright but all together, they make the garden beautiful. Like this courtyard,” Hange said. She stretched her legs out onto the stony path just in front of the bench and shifted her weight to the palms of her hands.

“Yeah, it is.” Levi nodded.

“It’s colorful,” Hange said. “Bright reds, bright greens, bright blues, bright yellows. They’ll all only be here together until the end of summer.” She wrapped her arms around herself, a wistful smile on her face.

“You like summer?” Levi asked. “It’s fucking hot.”

“I like summer and spring. What can I say? I like seasons with a lot more variety of color,” she answered. “ I always get a little sad when summer ends. Surprisingly though, I’m sadder than usual about this summer ending.”

“Why?”

Hange shrugged. “I can’t even explain it for myself. It’s ridiculous that I’m this sad about summer ending. I usually get like this when I’m out of the city but I haven’t even been out in the countryside in a while but somehow, I’m already imaging the larger, wider landscapes up north. I’m imagining how quickly the trees go bald… Green then red then blue. And how quickly skies turn from blue to just a constant gray and when the lakes just freeze over, turning from blue to a more of black… It’s sad to imagine.”

“I can imagine it,” Levi said. He didn’t leave the city often since there wasn’t much spare funds to work with. He was capable of empathizing though, after all the twinge of sadness remained and it had been surprisingly easy to channel it elsewhere.

“There are places up north that have the most beautiful springs and summers but when the leaves change… everything dies much more quickly.” Hange lowered her head.

“Maybe one day, I’ll check it out,” Levi said. He found himself picturing the logistics of a trip already. Having never used his leaves, having built up disposable income through a lack of drive to even form a life outside work, he realized he did have leeway to indulge just a bit. Somehow, Hange’s own thoughts were enough to inspire.

“You haven’t been up north?” Hange gaped.

“I didn’t have much money growing up and there’s no reason to.”

“I should take you up north. You know, the gardens up there, the rolling hillsides. They remind me of Pemberley,” Hange said.

“Pemberley?”

“Pemberley! Mister Darcy’s estate.”

Levi groaned inward. That book again.

“Elizabeth visited towards the end of the book and there are a bunch of old houses around there and when I would walk on the fields, I like to pretend I’m in the book.”

“Relive your rags to riches fantasy?” Levi asked bitterly.

Hange pouted. “It’s not just that. Besides, I wasn’t poor, you know. My parents managed to pay tuition to a good college with no debt.”

Not as rich as Zeke definitely. The banter might just get out of control so Levi went with a conservative digression. “Maybe I’ll go there one weekend, up north before summer really ends.”

“Maybe, I’ll take you there myself,” She said, an excited grin on her face. “Maybe after this weekend or next year if we’re too late. I told Zeke about how I was feeling lately, so for my birthday, he promised he’ll take me up north so we’re going this weekend.”

Levi choked. “Wait, birthday? When’s your birthday?” It turned out to be a burning question, a small fact Levi felt obligated to know. So the answer couldn’t have come any slower.

When Hange opened her mouth ready to speak, the universe decided for them that it definitely could come a little later. His phone rang, breaking that brief silence, prolonging the painful anticipation.

Petra Ral. For some reason, he expected the worst when any of his subordinates called. He answered the phone. “Petra, is everything okay?”

“Sorry about calling. I tried texting you but you weren’t replying.” Petra went straight to the point soon after that. “Some of the members of the other project offered to help out with testing. Do we have enough phones?”

They did have enough test devices, the pile on Hange’s desk was enough proof of that. “Yes we do,” Levi said. They were all in his office. He turned to Hange questioningly. It was her blank face that reminded him, they’d have to look through the phones themselves to see what devices they could wipe.

“I’ll meet you by the office,” Levi said. “Hange and I are going back now.”

He hung up the phone and turned to Hange. “Petra is gonna borrow some of the test devices. You’re okay with that?”

“Sure, I’ll help you wipe them,” Hange said. “Are we going back now?” She seemed hesitant, a closer look and Levi could see a hint of disappointment.

He closed his laptop. “We have to get back to work right?”

“You never even stopped working,” Hange accused.

“I stopped long enough to listen to you ramble on about that damned book and your nice vacations.”

Hange walked on, seeming deep in thought. “Hey Levi… What do you think of Petra?” It was an abrupt digression.

“What about Petra?”

“Have you ever considered dating her?”

Levi stifled a choke, letting it out as a peaceful clearing of the throat. “Why are you asking that?”

Hange shrugged, as she walked ahead. . “Nothing, she seems like a nice person and she seems to like you… Besides, she rings your alarm.” She looked back at him, a playful grin on her face.

Levi sighed. That wasn’t a question he would have liked to broach.

“Well?” Hange pressed.

But maybe he could give some vague answer in exchange for some information. “I’ll tell you. If you tell me something."

"Tell you what?"

"What are your plans for your birthday?”

***

Levi was tricked, treated, bamboozled. Hange had a way with words, a way of just pushing the right buttons. It could have been that or it could have been a series of convenient circumstances and conversation topics that had Levi there, at the front of the mall after work with Petra right next to him.

On the bright side, he had Hange’s birthdate, her plans for that Friday all the way until the weekend. That was enough to satisfy his own curiosity. Over time though he realized, that was all it did.

Was it worth it?

Back when he and Hange had been discussing it, it seemed like a good exchange, she satisfied his curiosity, he satisfied hers. Hange had given her due information. In exchange, she received information on Petra, the long QAs, her alarm ringing, the amount of effort Petra put into her job and just the occasional present that made their way to his desk.

While Hange’s own information went so far as to give the name of the restaurant, the time and the route of their roadtrip, Levi’s own information evolved into something else. Before he even knew it, Hange had created a new agenda of her own.

Your love alarm would ring with Petra right?

It did. Of course, in front of the mall, surrounded by other people wasn’t the best place to test it. There was no reason to either. Ever since Petra joined them more than a year back, the love alarm had always rang and Petra had enough professionalism, enough of a handle on her own feelings to mark it as ‘accurate.’

Admirable? Definitely. Date worthy? Did he ever consider dating her long enough to deem her date worthy? ‘Maybe not’ to both questions.

Have you ever considered dating Petra?  Hange brought up that question during their conversation and Levi felt almost guilty for the straight up ‘no,’ and the shallow ‘she’s too young for my taste’ reason.

She could have been too young. Still, Hange seemed more like a counselor for that exchange and she made some good points.

Assuming the love alarm didn’t have a bug, and the reading was accurate… Hange first set her premise.

The premise could have been accurate. No, it definitely was. Petra’s own approach towards him only served to extinguish any doubts.

Levi and Petra settled for an early dinner at some restaurant towards the end of the mall. Not for the food, nor for the pricing but for the convenience of being able to sit down after the twenty minute walk and a long day up on their feet back in the office.

And Petra had been excited to sit down in front of him. She rushed ahead and slipped into the booth, even before Levi had slipped himself into the small gap between table and chair. He allowed himself enough focus to scan through the menu and digest the names of the dishes at least. He hadn't bothered to even spare a good look at the board outside nor what the hell the other customers were eating and thus, he was excruciatingly slow.

On top of that, he was exhausted from a day of work and most days, he wouldn’t have bothered to go on a date, not with a colleague at that.

It’s not a date. Levi reminded himself. He shouldn’t be dating subordinates. That was another source of stress at that moment.

A few times Levi looked up at the menu, making some ingenious excuse about how he couldn’t decide and how he needed some blank space to help clear his mind before he tried to decide again. Every single time he looked up, he had to internally make an excuse because Petra was staring right at him.

“Have you decided what you want to get?” Petra asked, her voice was a song. She propped her elbows on the table, a rude gesture in most places. She managed to subdue rudeness by propping her chin on top, a look of seemingly genuine interest in her face.

Seemingly. Who the hell was he kidding, she probably was genuine about it. If it wasn’t his own instinct that could be relied on, he could at least trust the love alarm that had rung with no fail since she joined the company in the first place.

“I’ll get the fried chicken meal.” Levi didn’t particularly like fried chicken. He had been a little too self conscious of how long he had stared at her and back at the menu, how long the awkward silence between them lasted and he soon realized, he had to order quickly, even if he didn’t know yet what else he was missing.

“You wanna get tea? We could share a pot,” Petra suggested as she put down her own menu.

Levi could have finished a pot on his own. He wasn’t telling her that though, especially not right after too many close encounters with what could have been inappropriate. “Sure.” Levi nodded a little faster, hoping that was enough to feign excitement.

The waiter came and went with the menus on hand and Petra started to ask questions, questions that were invasive enough that Levi had a hard time thinking two things at once.

They weren’t too personal. In fact, they weren’t about him anyway. Levi started to figure that for himself when he got his bearings. “What about Hange?” Levi asked. He was stalling, finding ways to untangle his hairball of thoughts.

“You were asking me right? About any advice on what to give Hange for her birthday?” Petra asked.

“Yes, I did.” Why did he forget?

Assuming the love alarm didn’t have a bug, and the reading was accurate, that means this ‘love’ between me and Zeke is one sided.

“Well, we could check out a few shops nearby. You could buy her something that could help her with organization. Diaries, bookmarks, pencil cases, wallets…” The list went on and the contents had started to become unbearably boring. Really, would Hange have enjoyed those?

But I don’t think it’s one sided. Love is a choice right? I can choose to love him. So if you and Petra---

Me and Petra. There were too many things wrong with it, a boss and a direct report, a conflict of interest.

But she seems genuine. She seems like a good person. And maybe she could be worth pursuing.

She’s my direct report. He argued then.

But if you decide to pursue a relationship, you can always just reshuffle, right?

Petra continued to talk. “Does she like tea? We could give her a tea bag. The one I bought you last Christmas… it took me months to find it…” She brought out her phone and started to scroll, seeming too deep in thought. She furrowed her brows and bit her lip, as if the extra effort hurt..

An unnecessarily vigorous effort over a simple request from him. Guilt was an unwelcome feeling but it was also incredibly tenacious, like a cockroach. His mind was becoming more receptive to painful speculation as he watched Petra grapple over her choices, and he wasn’t at all being helpful.

Guilt was the rising action. Then everything fell into place soon after, not into place, more like a chaotic order, like a ton of bricks.

And that order made his feelings more intelligible.

He didn’t want to be in a relationship with Petra. That was all there is to it.

Love is a choice right? A tiny glimmer of protest made itself known in the silence. Those were words from Hange, echoed multiple times before in an exact tone and manner only Hange could ever pull off.

Can I choose to love Petra? Levi asked himself then.

Petra was a nice girl. She was helpful. She worked hard. She was competent. More importantly, she was single and she wasn’t married to his very rich client.

Most importantly though, in the grand scheme of all his experiences and emotions, Levi had to point out to himself, she wasn’t Hange.

Why don’t you give her a chance? Hange had asked that then. She goaded him, nudged him and pushed him out of his own office, to follow after Petra had left the office with the devices.

It's frowned upon, boss colleague relationship. Levi had argued.

Something tells me she likes you. Hange continued, as if she never heard of the unspoken taboos of office relationships. Maybe she hadn’t.

Besides, I noticed… You know, you look a lot happier. How that had ended up the conclusion of their conversation, Levi couldn't exactly tell. He remembered looking up at Hange, to hell with how far down his jaw dropped or how wide his eyes were. There was just something special about Hange pointing out something and how quickly something could easily become a certain reality when someone just verbalized it.

Maybe he was happier, maybe he started to appreciate nature a lot more. Maybe he had started to see more color the past few months.

His own recall of Hange, his own thoughts that flew back to her had him perceptive of the variety on his plate, the decorations on the shop for just a split second and when he looked up to Petra, a part of him was at the least attempting to appreciate.

Petra was a redhead, her hair fell in a neat bob that barely brushed her shoulders. Red was a nice color on hair, and Levi only noticed it then. He stared for a while longer, trying to find something to feel, something to think beyond ‘nice.’

Petra’s eyes shot up and she met his gaze. “This is it!”

“What?” Levi asked, almost instinctively. He felt a tad self conscious analyzing the shade of someone’s hair.

“I found the tea, the one I gave you last Christmas. You really liked it right?” Petra asked.

“The Jasmine Pearls?” He did remember the tea then he remembered telling her he really did enjoy it. A part of him had maybe forgotten for a split second that it was Petra who gave it so the question had shaken him more than necessary.

“I was only able to get it from a shipment last time. I had to book three months to get it. But they’re on sale now and---”

“She might prefer coffee though...” Levi said. His own intention had been to find the perfect present, but he ended up feeling guilty as soon as he saw Petra’s reaction.

Her face fell. She turned back to her phone for just a second before fixing her eyes back to his. She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry for that, I can’t believe I got so excited.” A blush crept up her face.

“No. Don’t think about it like that.” Levi attempted to maintain at least a ghost of a laugh in his tone. The last thing he wanted to do was keep Petra unnecessarily uncomfortable, especially after everything that had happened until that moment.

The air was heavy and he wondered if she noticed it too. She was probably too preoccupied with her own self proclaimed mistakes, very evident by the beet red of her face.

“Let’s go around first. We might come up with something better if we ask around the shops,” Levi suggested. It had been more to comfort her than anything else. The suggestions of a while ago, the list of items had only served to make Levi think a little deeper about it, to the point of acceptance.

Even before they had finished their food, Levi had already concluded for himself, whatever he gave Hange, whether it be a wallet, tea, a small trinket, Zeke had probably come up with a more expensive version, something he probably would have never considered buying himself.

Levi didn’t leave though. Soon after they finished eating, he still accompanied Petra to every shop. He made a facade for himself, a window shopper buying a birthday gift for a good friend, he asked enough questions to engage Petra, everything ending with the conclusion, “I’ll think about it.”

Overtime, he realized he wasn’t thinking too much of what was in front of him. His mind was elsewhere.

Besides, I noticed… You know, you look a lot happier. Hange was smiling when she said it, but the smile didn’t curl the same way the others did. She crinkled her eyes as she spoke but Levi could almost point out the sadness in them.

And he saw it every time he recalled that. What does that have to do with dating Petra?

I like seeing you happy and I think if you found someone to love, maybe you’ll stay like this much longer.

Like what?

More pleasant? Smiling more often? Appreciating stuff outside work?

Hange talked for longer after that but that had worked to motivate him to invite Petra out to get to know her, to ask for advice for a gift for Hange. Somehow, a part of him wanted to take Hange’s advice, stay ‘happy’ so in his own way, he could prove her right and maybe by extension, make her happy too.

But was entertaining a relationship with Petra the right way?

The question burned for longer. Even after they exhausted all the shops and all the ideas that came with it. It was around eight in the evening when they stood by the train station under the mall, exchanging goodbyes. “Make sure to get home safe.” A part of him had considered taking her home. Their trains went in completely opposite directions though.

“Will do,” Petra said.

“We have a long day ahead tomorrow.” They always had a long day ahead but at that point, Levi was foraging for something a boss would say.

“Yeah, I'll make sure to get the testing done tomorrow," Petra said. "What happened today, it definitely gave me the motivation. I had a lot of fun.”

“Me too.” His response was automatic, something he didn’t want to think too much of.

They separated soon after and when Levi boarded the train home, he entertained the question again.

Was entertaining a relationship with Petra the right way to be happy?

I think entertaining love is an opportunity to be happy at least. Hange argued. You don’t have to jump into it but I think building a relationship with someone teaches you a lot and love, it makes life colorful.

Colorful? The trains were grey, the suits of all the passengers were shades of black, grey and the occasional blue. An almost alarming transformation from the gardens, after long days of working with Hange.

A copy of the emotions alarm was downloaded onto his phone and in the silence of the long ride home, he opened it again. He clicked ‘activate,’ the application loaded, no emotion was detected.

It was a fun night right? Levi concluded, there really was some more to improve on in the application. With the amount of testing done, and the amount of data loaded, he also had to entertain the idea that maybe it wasn’t an issue with the application.

Maybe it was his own issue with appreciating, with being open to love. “That’s what you were saying, right Hange?” He whispered to himself. A second later, he thought maybe he had said it loud enough to sound like an idiot.

Before nervousness and overthinking could take over again, he willed himself to mull over Hange’s words like always.

Love is a choice and just be open to it. Even if he didn’t believe it for himself.

***

It turned out, Erwin also knew about Hange’s birthday. And he suggested a basket of fruit as a gift.

Levi had been a little surprised. For one, maintaining partner and customer relations was never part of his job so how the hell was he to know that baskets of fruits and cakes were customary.

And secondly, he was just a little indignant. Erwin was his boss though so he couldn’t tell him that. He complied before going back to his office and booting up his laptop. It felt odd.

The laptop pinged with a characteristic echo and it was much louder in the silence, the almost deafening silence. After all, most days, Hange would have been there to chatter his ear off about her own experience testing.

That day, she had taken the day off. A birthday leave. Just for herself. She took September four and September five off. The fourth was to prepare for the long trip. Then on the fifth, she had dinner with Zeke, in an Italian restaurant on the first floor of a luxury hotel near the city center.

He knew the details, he knew the name. But it has nothing to do with you. He constantly reminded himself, it was only on a good to know basis. Still, he entertained the idea that maybe he could stop by the city center on the train on the way home, just for the modicum of a probability that he did run into them. It was not like he had anything else to do on a Friday night anyway.

But you can think about that tomorrow. Levi scolded himself. Somehow, Hange not being there was making it more difficult to focus. After all, she had been there, every single day before.

Also, how could he entertain multiple other ideas about Hange’s birthday when he didn’t even have a present for her? He had managed to put off Petra’s suggestions lightly, by some distraction from work. He had managed to make a good excuse of the fruit basket, saying that it was better to give a gift as a company.

Really, it had been his own insecurity stopping from putting any money into anything. Zeke could buy Hange a billion wallets, a billion tea bags, a billion fruits basket if it suited him. Then it begged the question for Levi, what could he give that Zeke couldn’t?

The emotion alarm. The answer didn’t come quickly. It came after staring at the desktop screen for long enough to lose grip on the time but after a long moment of doing nothing, Levi eventually brought out a test device and opened the server.

There were three basic emotions. Anger, Sadness and Happieness. Those were the three Hange put into her plan. They were to create the application, test it among patients and study it to see how it could help with more accurate prognosis.

And if he went the extra mile, maybe he could just give it as a late birthday surprise. Or maybe he might end up never finishing it. At least I’d try. That last thought lingered for a second longer and it did its part to send a burst of confidence through him.

He looked through his workflow tracker. No assigned bugs to look into. So he opened a new document, pulled out a paper.

“Hange Zoe, you wanted to test emotions right?” He asked no one in particular. When he was asking questions out loud, ideas ended up flowing much faster. He pulled out a small paper from the post-it stack at the corner of his desk.

“What if we connect it to the web, make a dashboard to display reports, so maybe psychologists have something to look at after testing?” He could have said it out loud. Maybe he didn’t. He had said it loud enough in his head at least to keep his gears moving. “What if we find a way to quantify it?” That last part was ambitious. It would need Hange’s input for sure so he grappled with two ideas, surprising Hange and just suggesting it like a developer.

His ideas were risks, born of long hours of googling enough to maybe bullshit years of studying psychology. Maybe Hange wouldn’t agree, maybe she would. He copied the necessary code from the alarm anyway and decided to just play around with it.

It was a birthday present only he could give anyway.

Another idea popped into his head after an hour more of googling, a much more doable idea. Even before he made sense of it, he pulled another post-it from the side and wrote out the three emotions. Underneath them, he wrote the colors. Red. Blue. Yellow.

Yellow and red became orange. Red and blue became purple. Yellow and blue became green.

He wasn’t a psychologist, he wasn’t a philosopher. He was merely a developer. He was an experienced one at that and with the right amount of free time and the right amount of motivation, he managed at least to pull out a framework and recall the color of the leaf on Hange’s lap.

Red. Yellow. Blue. Orange. Green. Purple. He had enough time to work on some front end tasks that day.

***

He finished it on Friday, the fifth of September, at around noon and maybe he had done a few hours of overtime to get it done, arriving home at midnight just the night before.

It wasn’t perfect but the colors showed up as a big dot under the emotion, and the application would flash in bright shades of red, yellow, blue, orange, green and purple, the latter three a mix of the basic emotions.

It had been a small act of just manipulating the data, loading Hange’s USB full of data to get it to work. Whether it would be accurate, he couldn’t tell but it would be something good to bring up on Monday maybe, a risky birthday present but still, a little risk seemed better than omission when it came to Hange.

The last few parts were a little tests on his end, while testing in between, while signing off necessary decisions for the testing on Monday.

The testing never worked, no emotions flashed onto the screen the few times he tested and every single time, he reminded himself, it wasn’t perfect but maybe Hange would still appreciate it.

By five, he was out, right on time and with his own personal project completed and downloaded into his phone, his workflow tracker empty, and everything ready for the large scale QA event on Monday and he thought himself a little deserving of a little stroll at the city center on a Friday night.

At around thirty minutes past five, he boarded the train, the same route home, stopping five stops shy of his usual stop.

The station at the city center on a Friday night was bustling. It had taken him a good one minute to even push himself out of the train. He only ever managed to get a glimpse of the shops, the city lights beyond the crowds not when he stepped out of the station, but a few blocks after that when for a good few minutes the crowds dissipated into something a little more breathable.

The luxury hotel Hange had mentioned was one, if not the best one in the city and Levi easily picked it out as he stood towards one of the less saturated parts of the crosswalk. It was a skyscraper, the windows were of the modern kind that reflected city lights in a unique way and they covered the building from top to bottom. And even from just his peripherals, he could pick the building out by the strange iridescent flashes of color.

The view was very much worth the price and Levi only had to walk ahead, catch it as a small glimmer behind buildings and crowds to know he was going the right direction, despite having to ride through the crowds.

He arrived at the block, the building only a few feet away, close enough that he had to strain his neck to get a glance of the skyscraper at the top. He looked back down at his phone.

6:30. Hange said they had a reservation for seven. He wondered why he was putting himself through that torture. Would he even get to talk to her? Eventually he realized, might as well make use of that information just to satisfy his curiosity again.

The restaurant was a small place, with glass windows, and if Levi stared long enough he could make out every single face there. For a Friday, it was still empty and he was able to conclude without much of a long glance that Hange wasn’t there.

So he took a good long stroll around the block. He entered leather shops, boutiques that sold branded clothing, staying long enough that the salesman had thought he would have bought.

Thirty minutes passed with a few bumps along the way. Sometimes minutes lasted years, sometimes they lasted split seconds but the bumpy wait was long enough for him to realize that he was doing something completely stupid.

It was Hange's birthday. That was Hange and Zeke's night. All he could give her that day was a greeting, and maybe a basket of fruits, care of Erwin.

So he planned a birthday message, saving it in the drafts. He didn’t have to give her the modified birthday application as a present. He could always prepare a script to pitch his suggested changes for the application on Monday. Disappointment and surrender had him lethargic and for a while after exiting the last store, Levi leaned back on some free brick wall where the space was for rent, a good distance away from the sea of people but still close enough that if he just stretched out his arm, he might just get dragged in.

He leaned back and stared, allowing himself that bout of reprieve as he watched the crowds go by. Crowds of people weren’t anything new, he dealt with those everyday trying to squeeze into the trains during rush hour every morning.

Crowds on a Friday, in the center of the city weren’t something he was completely used to though. He hated crowds and he always strategically timed his personal shopping trips to late afternoons on weekdays, particularly when it was much easier to maintain a comfortable distance from strangers.

When he was observing, time went by at a sluggish pace. For a while, Levi was hypnotized by the strange cadence that accompanied the view. The longer he stared, the more perceptive he became. There was a very big difference between crowds on a weekday during rush hour and crowds on a Friday night moving through a shopping district.

When he was close enough, he immediately picked it out, like a very small diamond in a sea of coal, invisible at first but from the right angle, it suddenly became crystal clear. Crowds in rush hour comprised hard, focused individuals. They were like streams: movements were loud, hard wired towards one direction.

Crowds on a Friday night were more like a river, they were moving but only barely, very subtly. Of course they would, the faces were relaxed, the people were rarely alone. Some clusters in the crowds came as one family, others came in groups of friends and others came in couples.

The more faces Levi scanned, the heavier he became. It dawned on him soon after he was alone in crowd of people and he was fucking lonely. For a second he considered testing his application, he decided soon after that he probably didn’t want a bunch of code rubbing his own loneliness and singleness in his face. For another second, he almost considered inviting Petra over.

Shaking both temporal thoughts away, Levi turned the corner and back to the main road, making some excuse that the main road which passed the five star hotel was the closest way back to the station. It was a valid conclusion at least, the main road was wide enough, and the shops were few and far in between that social distancing wasn’t too big of an issue.

There was another conclusion Levi liked to entertain though. He checked his watch. 7:30.

Hange had said before, the reservation was at seven. He dove into a crowd, while catching a glimpse of the restaurant to the window. Hange was surprisingly easy to spot, maybe because Levi had first swept through the seats on the corner with his vision. He spotted the brown hair, the glasses and a dark purple cocktail dress. Notably, there was no blond companion in front of her.

Zeke was in the toilet, his rational mind justified. “Have fun, Hange,” Levi said. At least he got to see her on her birthday, he allowed himself a passing thought on how well she had dressed up that night, similar to months ago when he had completed the test app. Then he brushed that thought away, looked straight ahead. He stayed with the sea of people, long enough to pass the hotel and as soon as he was a good distance away, he broke away, taking the underground path to the station.

It was still early and the station entrance was surprisingly more peaceful than above ground. He had enough space to open up his phone and check the birthday greeting in his drafts box.

Happy birthday Hange! Excited to continue working with you. See you on Monday for app testing. Btw, thanks for volunteering for the calibration on Monday.

He evaluated for himself that the text was a good balance between casual and professional. Satisfied, Levi clicked send and pocketed his phone as he made his way to the ticket gate.

The next time he opened his phone was in the train, three train stops in when he was lucky enough to catch an empty seat.

Thanks, Levi :)

It was too short of a message for Levi to read through and he was almost disappointed at such a turn out.

What did you expect, an ‘I love you?’ The tremble in his lips was enough evidence, that maybe a part of him did, as embarrassing, as ridiculous of a prospect as it was. He hovered his thumb over the keyboard, letting the weight of the incomprehensible emotions pass before he typed.

See you on Monday. That’s what he had wanted to type, just to keep the conversation going. Hange was still typing though.

Levi was staring at the bubbles above the message box for a good long few minutes. Minutes, it definitely took minutes. Hange was typing long enough for a station to announce a next stop, enough for the train to empty at that stop, enough for it to refill and enough for the conductor to announce the next stop,

The text eventually came. Where are you right now?

How the hell had that taken minutes to write, Levi didn’t know. He wasn’t eager to reciprocate though.

He replied within a few seconds. Why?

Hange took a little longer to reply. The bubble on the screen continued to bounce as Hange Zoe continued to type.

Nothing much. I was just curious. It had taken almost another train stop for Hange to type those six words.

A split second later, another message appeared underneath. Sorry for bothering you. So Hange wasn’t just a slow typer.

It was still eight in the evening, too early that for most, the night hadn’t even started. So Levi took a risk. He left the train at the next stop, boarded the other train that ran through that same line, the train that would bring him back to the city center.

Hange, you okay? He texted.

Hange didn’t reply. There was no bouncing of bubbles above the message box, but he continued to stare, just in case. And that little motion on the screen was a fickle thing.

Sometimes it appeared, sometimes it didn’t.

Hange Zoe is typing.... And sometimes, he stared at it for long enough that it seared into his vision even a minute after it was long gone from the screen.

She never did type anything and maybe he had waited too long for a response. By the time he arrived at the right station again, he tapped his card and exited the ticket gate and ran through the underground. When he reached above ground, he tried to maintain the same speed. That involved pushing through crowds and being a small man, he realized it wasn’t too much of a bother to anyone. After all, with the amount of people huddled in the crowds under the cool air of late summer, he wasn’t the only one pushing.

He didn’t have time to check his phone. And soon, he realized he didn’t need to. He arrived back at the hotel to find Hange hunched over, unmoving in the same seat she had been just a few hours back.

Zeke is in the toilet. Levi told himself. He waited a minute, then another. And when he looked closely, he realized, Hange was on her phone. He opened his phone to see the bubbles bounce again.

Hange Zoe is typing…

Levi was counting minutes, and the bubble never disappeared. He looked back up at the glass door to see Hange was still not moving, still slouched, her head bent over. To the phone on her lap maybe?

He looked back at his phone and concluded then, Hange had been typing for ten minutes.

Maybe Zeke is taking a shit. He set an alarm for ten minutes. The hotel and restaurant bathroom wouldn’t be too far. And no one took a shit for more than twenty minutes right? If Zeke didn’t come back in ten minutes, maybe that meant she was alone.

Ten minutes went by quickly. And a few times Hange had typed, a few times she had laid her phone on the table and leaned back on the chair. A waiter had offered wine once and Hange shook her head.

It would be rude to barge in but at the same time, there were answers he was desperate to get. He sent a message. Are you alone?

The typing stopped for a second. Then it continued for a minute. Then it stopped. Finally, like the sunshine after the rain, a chat bubble appeared and Levi savored the sound for a split second before he took in the contents.

Just one word. Yeah

Where’s Zeke?

He’s not coming tonight.

Levi leaned on the wall just next to the window and typed one message. You need someone there with you?

A few times he glanced back to see a waiter near her, handing Hange a small tray. The bill? He guessed. Hange should be going out soon but she continued to sit, for a few seconds longer.

Her reply came within those few seconds. I don’t wanna be alone tonight.

Levi leaned back on the wall and he closed his eyes. He took a deep breath, grappling with the conflict. Should he be happy? Sad?

His phone continued to buzz. Hange had left messages in succession.

Can I stop by?

I know a lot of places won’t be open.

We can get fast food.

Somewhere near your place maybe?

Anywhere that would be convenient for you.

Only if you’re not busy though.

Don’t feel obliged.

A string of messages, longer than he expected.

Exit the shop. Turn right and follow the sidewalk. Don’t cross the street. He was shit at the directions, but he decided for himself, she would ask anyway if she got lost.

It turned out, at the least, the directions sufficed. Soon he was hearing the clack of leather shoes, the rustle of a light autumn coat and Hange’s voice.

“What are you doing here?” Her voice was loud and clear even when it was competing with the sea of crowds, the other background conversations, the ads and the sound of traffic. Of course it would be, she was right next to him.

“Are you okay?” Levi asked. It wasn’t the best greeting but it felt like the most natural thing to say.

After all, Hange was smiling but it was an unusual smile. It was one of those smiles that seemed to be carrying a heavy weight. He figured it out after staring for a while longer. it was the weight of her cheeks, the prickling of her eyes. If she let the smile go, maybe everything would have fallen with it.

He gripped her by the hand. “You wanna go somewhere?”

“Let’s get out of here,” Hange said, a noticeable crack in her voice.

Maybe that had been enough to break the fragile smile on her face. In the crowds of people, in the middle of a busy street, there was no time for Levi to check. He thought it the best move to pull and maybe she thought it the best move to follow. She was obedient, predictable and light and he easily brought her farther from the center, towards the quieter parts of the city.

Five minutes of brisk walking, or maybe it was ten and soon, they reached an area with clusters of apartment buildings, residences. There were still small shops, a few restaurants and hole in the wall food stalls, some with lines spilling out all the way until the sidewalk.

At first, it seemed hopeless to find some place just for both of them. With time, Levi started to imagine one particular place that wouldn’t have so many people that late at night.

It should be bedtime for kids already anyway. He thought to himself. And when he articulated it, he was sure, there should be one. And there should be no people.

He just had to find one.

Five more minutes of following the winding roads between apartment buildings and he found one, a comfortable distance away from apartments. They could easily manage a soft conversation with no risk of being heard. He sat back on the swing, taking in the slide, the sandbox a few feet away, the monkey bars and high rise apartment buildings with most windows already illuminated just above them.

Hange had taken the seat beside him.

“Are you okay?” Levi asked again.

“I’m fine,” Hange spat out, only proving she was definitely not fine. There was enough light from the one street light on the corner, the shades of orange, red and white coming from the window and they had all worked together to show a glimmer of Hange’s face, even with her head bent down.

“Are you crying?”

The answer came in heaved breaths. The question must have made her more conscious. She bent down further on the swing. Her bangs covered her face and whatever glimmer he had seen a while ago was forgotten. Eventually, she gathered herself. “Levi, if you ask people why they’re crying, sometimes they just start crying.” She let out another breath.

That didn’t convince him to stop. “Why are you crying?”

“You don’t ask people that.” That time, the words came out a little more seamlessly.

“You asked me if I was crying back then… Back in the office.” Levi never forgot that harrowing experience and it was an easy memory to bring up.

There was silence for a second, save for a few more ragged breaths, the creak of the swing and maybe a few barking dogs from the distance.

Hange broke it herself, her voice much clearer than a while ago. “Sorry, I’m just tired,” she said. “Really tired.”

“Zeke ditched?” Maybe ditch wasn’t the right term. By the time he considered that, the words were long gone from his mouth.

“I knew he wasn’t coming,” Hange said. She pushed on the swing just a little bit, enough to have her swaying.

“Why did you wait?”

“We had a reservation.”

“But if he told you…”

“He told me to cancel it.”

“And your road trip?”

“He said not this weekend. He has a few more meetings and he couldn’t come home on time.” Hange’s voice was alarmingly serious, a sign of acceptance maybe?

Levi hoped not. In a feeble attempt to lighten the mood, he spoke up. “Happy Birthday.”

“I’d rather not think it’s my birthday.” Hange let out a pitiful excuse of a laugh. “How many birthdays do people even get, and here I am wasting one of them being sad.”

“I’m not the best company but I can try to do my part to help make it better,” Levi pulled out his phone and opened his email, opening the apk file he had been working on since that morning. He copied the download link and pasted it on Hange’s message box.

The message was sent quickly and the popping sound from Hange’s phone filled the silence of the empty playground.

“Happy birthday,” Levi said once again with a little more flourish.

“I told you, don’t remind me. Let’s just sit here and talk.” Hange gripped the chains of the swing and leaned back.

“Check your damn phone Hange.”

“Nah… My phone has been chocked full of disappointments since this morning.”

“I sent you your birthday gift through your phone.”

“It can wait until later,” Hange argued.

She was like a five year old child and Levi was starting to give up on even keeping the surprise.“I modified the app,” he said.

“What?” That had gotten Hange’s attention. She pulled out her phone.

“I created another copy of it, played around with the code.”

“Why?” She seemed curious more than anything. Curious was better than sad at least.

“As a birthday gift,” Levi said. “Just open the damn phone.”

Hange picked it up from her lap. A clicking sound as she unlocked the phone then silence and maybe a hint of humming as Hange fiddled with her phone. “I just download it right?”

“No shit Sherlock.” It was a stupid question. Hange had downloaded apk files more times than he could even count.

“Well, you said it’s a new app,” Hange said in defense.

“It is and it isn’t.” Levi moved his head, and it settled as a mix between a shake and a nod. “It’s not part of the original research plan… and I didn’t have much time to test it so it’s not perfect.” He unlocked his own phone and opened the emotions alarm. He stared at it for a second, hovering his thumb over the activate button then he looked over at Hange’s phone. “No need for an email. Just open it.”

“Nothing’s changed,” Hange said.

“Well, I added colors now,” Levi shrugged. “And I tried adding more emotions by playing around with the data, but who knows if they’ll show up.” At that point, he was self conscious enough that he saw it as an obligation enough to manage expectations.

He heard the familiar sound and he was sure Hange had activated it. He activated his own and leaned back on the swing and pushed just a little bit, enough to occupy himself while the alarm read them both.

Hange’s phone rang first.

“What did you get?”

“You added purple?” Hange asked. “What the hell does this mean?”

“Red and blue. So if red is anger and blue is sadness…” Levi started.

“Go on…” Hange said.

“I’m not a philosopher nor a psychologist. You say something.”

“Loathing?” She suggested. “A combination of anger and sadness… It sounds like loathing to me, or indignance.”

His own phone rang, he put the screen up. “I got green. Blue and yellow. Sad and happy. Can someone be sad and happy at the same time?”

“Acceptance,” Hange answered. “Or desire.”

“Those are opposites.” “Opposite sides of the spectrum but they’re the same feelings, they both involve happiness and sadness. Acceptance is sad happiness. Desire is happy sadness.”

He almost regretted asking for Hange’s feedback. He felt her speculation at the pit of his stomach and he only realized when his phone fell to the ground that he froze, lost his balance on the swing for a second. “This hasn’t been tested though so it’s all for fun.” A pathetic disclaimer but it didn’t seem to work. He looked up to see Hange was staring at him.

The tears had dried and her eyes were a bit brighter and she seemed more inquisitive than sad. “You know... " Hange started off slow,  breathless from amazement maybe. She was still fiddling, staring at her own screen. "This might be a good idea for the app. Let's test this again on Monday. Maybe we could add this."

“Maybe. We’re gonna have to revise the plan if we do.”

“Or we can keep it just a personal project but let’s think about it Monday.” Hange stood up. It’s getting late.” She put her hands up and stretched, swaying from side to side.

“Yeah, it’s getting cold too,” Levi said. Summer was ending soon.

“Happy Birthday to me,” she added, the venom from a while ago apparent. She pocketed her phone then held her sweater close. “Zeke said to wait a few weeks. I guess I’m gonna have to wait until next year to enjoy summer up north again. Maybe we can go south instead.” She kept her voice cheery, an attempt to lighten the mood.

A seemingly unsuccessful attempt. “You still wanna see summer up north?” Levi asked.

“I wouldn’t mind waiting. I guess what hurts about it is, I’ve been psyching myself up for days. I bought new clothes. I’ve been packing and I’ve already created a route for us,” Hange said.

“Yeah, you were talking about it a few days back, about how this one garden reminds you of Pemberley.” Levi asked.

“Well, last time I went there was a few years ago… There’s an area that reminds me of Pemberley, another one that reminds me of the Rosing garden---” Hange trailed off.

“I wanna see them all,” Levi said. He never finished the book and he wondered if she noticed. Regardless, he wanted to see it anyway. If there was something Hange could talk about for hours, something that had left her a lump of disappointment, he wanted to see it for himself.

“Really?” She said. “But with testing on monday… And you don’t seem like the type to---” Even under the dark night, Hange looked flustered, the pink in her cheeks still apparent.

“As long as we’re back before Monday right?” He didn’t know if she would agree. He didn’t expect her to but when Hange was already hovering such a prospect up in the air. When she had misunderstood that last statement to have been an invite, he might as well just play along. And enjoy it. “I don’t see any problem going with you,” he added that last part just to make it a little clearer.

"Like this weekend?" Hange asked, a look of disbelief on her face.

"This weekend." Levi nodded.

“Then let’s go. When do you think you’ll be ready?”

“We could leave right now.”

#levihan #levihan fanfiction

[prof-peach]

Forgive me for asking another question but you mentioned a core 10. Are they your main pokemon you keep around to help maintain the island?

My core team are are allocated specific tasks, I’ve trained them over many years to perfect their skills, and excel in areas they show interest in.

First up, Valka, vulpix, my quiet, stealthy shadow. She’s got eyes everywhere, networking with many other Pokemon to get a clear picture of events that go on around the island. She is incredibly strong now, being 27 years, older than me, and when we get Pokemon in without pokeballs, her telekinetic abilities are how we move large bodies about without moving any damaged limbs or areas. This is especially true with spinal injuries. She also commands a lot of respect amongst new comers, exerting pressure in the atmosphere to put aggressive Pokemon in a more submissive state of mind.

Booker is the muscle, a teddiursa with no limits. He has in every sense gone above and beyond everyone’s expectations, mine included. He organises the island patrol squads, and occasionally will oversee sports days, though begrudgingly. The patrol squads are teams of 4 Pokemon that keep an eye out for goons trying to poach rare species, and generally protect the visitors from any danger, and maintain island order. He makes sure each squad is evenly balnced and can see potential where others may not. He is a very loyal, very grumpy, very sweet boy.

Minerva the lopunny is the queen bee so to speak, she clashes with Booker as she’s very showy and flamboyant. She uses her feminine appearance to deceive any obnoxiously aggressive Pokemon and fights with me and my team to maintain order and balance in the grounds. She is also a handful, and can be seen slacking off a lot to sunbathe or eat snacks. She probably the least reliable of the bunch but comes through when it truly matters. She’ll happily run errands, likes to stroll about keeping an eye on things.

Quintin the scizor is my go to guy when I need to clear forest for new trees, or handle damages during storms. He’s got a green...thumb? Claw? So he helps me maintain the grounds, growing many species along side me, making sure everything’s watered and healthy while I’m away. He is the leafy heart of the island, and will jump at the chance to do some gardening, despite his bug-type nature. Very charming, very polite.

Summer a ‘summer skies’ variant of a Meganium, with double petals and a pastel purple and white color to them. She’s very sweet, and matronly, looking after little ones with a soothing presence. She is great with guests and uses her abilities to help those who come in with severe injury. Her smells can help those recovering from injury of the mind and body. You can often find her walking between the greenhouses, caring for those inside, and making sure visitors are safe and not too close to anything too dangerous.

Potato an old bulbasaur, unevolved but very durable. He helps Summer out a lot, but has a much more prominent irritability. He takes on stroppy young Pokemon to train them in battle, enjoying the challenge of difficult students, having been one himself. He will offer guests help should they need it.

Apollo a noctowl with people skills and comedic timing. He’s the islands messenger, running notes about the place, and bringin in deliveries and mail from johtos mainland. He is a very strong flier and certainly fast.

Dutch a polygon-z with a nack for technology. Being given a patch disc, he is stable and relativly glitch-free. He helps peach with the island technology as she is terribly impatient with computers, and seems to fry anything that is within range fro unknown reasons. She chalks it up to bad luck. Dutch is key to anyone finding anything in the chaos that is their labs filing system, and usually has good memory for where items were last found.

Iggy an Eglyem, he started off as quite the trouble maker, erasing people’s memories, and trapping people in otherworldly states of existence. I decided to investigate when one of my own team members went missing, having been taken by him. He is who I go to when I dust the ol’ ranger badge off and go out to bust some dumbass crime circle up. He helps me trap humans and see the intentions of people and Pokemon within range. A clever little thing for sure. On the island he’s happy to be left with a number of species, though he’s happier with the bigger ones, sitting atop shoulders for good views of the groups below. Since we bonded his trickery has become more controlled.

Donut my mount, a stantler whos size and strength is huge, the leader of the herd we have on the island, who oversees the woodland areas, and helps me get places fast. He’s gentle and will enjoy any scratches given out. If he likes you, the rest of the herd will too. Can scale almost vertical mountain sides without trouble, potentially got a little gogoat DNA in him, but i]he looks pretty ordinary bar the larger horns. Good jumper.

These are the core 10, but there’s odd little ones who help out all around the place. Everyone who works at the labs has a team, and has been on adventures of their own, gaining friends and family. You can identify one of these helper Pokemon by the lanyard they wear, and they’ve all received enough training to aid any visitor with issues, apart from Iggy, who is still naughty.

#pokemon #prof.peach #peach talks

[jtrokujo]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐑

paring: Juzzo Susuya x fem!Reader

word count: 2.6k

warnings: blood, brutal

gerne: drama

summary: You loss someone very close to you through a ghoul. However, you were rescued by an unknown man that you would see him again, neither of you knew.

—

A woman's life has never been easy, no matter what century you live in, there are always people whose minds are from the previous century.

Since I am a student and have to go to work right after all my lectures it is late in the evening, as I am lucky in an unsafe district in Tokyo it doesn't make the situation any better, apart from the perverted men there are quite a few ghouls in this world, that can turn any person's life into a nightmare at any second.

Sometimes I hate them a little too much, because one of them had murdered my best friend in front of my eyes and then ate it. Since I was in a state of shock, I couldn't do anything, neither run nor scream.

The only thing I could do was let my tears run free.

If he hadn't come that evening, I'm sure I would have been dead long ago.

I don't know his name for it but his looks, it has to be said that his looks don't distinguish that of a 'normal' person, but it's nice to see someone else.

But this charisma that he had was terrifying, my heart beat and beat against my chest every time, while he laughed and screamed by brutally and inhumanly murdering someone in front of my eyes.

Anyone with a sane mind knows that the ghouls are cruel, but just because someone is so cruel you don't have to be like that person, because in the end, until you are just like that person you loathe.

Today is Saturday, my favorite weekday, but why?

Quite simply, no school and no work.

Nevertheless, I am outside and am just about to buy flowers, because today it is 4 months ago that Haruki sacrificed his life for mine.

Just looking back, it makes my back cold.

Instead of the sun shining for him, the rain presents the tears from me for the past months.

He was like a brother to me.

I'm going to graduate soon just so I can become a police officer, it will take a long time, but everything has its time.

Kneeling in front of his tombstone, which was engraved with his name, laid (Y / N) the flowers and closed her eyes for a long time.

For it is now autumn, the sun has already set.

Sighing, she got up and took the subway in the district where she lives, but she was less lucky in which district she is, because this is the district where most murders, robberies, drug trafficking and much more happen.

You have to consider that the rents there are pretty cheap.

Just as (Y / N) was about to take her headphones out of her pocket, she heard distant steps behind her.

Hesitantly she turned around but nobody saw.

She slowly put her headphones where it was before and jogged a little.

Maybe she should run, but what if?

if there really was a person here, or a ghoul and if she should run, what should she do if he was standing in front of her?

When she was about to run away, she heard a loud scream, it sounds like pain and cruel agony.

As reluctantly as she wanted to go there, a question came through her head: "What if it was a person, someone who was attacked by a ghoul?"

Dejected, she started running in that direction, she will probably die any second, but she has to save someone!

If she couldn't save him then at least this stranger could.

When she arrived at the finish, she only saw one back, he was wearing a blue sweatshirt and had black hair, his fingers are clamped to his hair and his screams were louder than before.

Slowly as she approached him, she held her hand in front of her mouth so as not to make a sound - the bad sounds are rising over her head.

A dead man lay before him, covered in blood, his face barely recognizable, his stomach torn open.

When the crying man turned around, her breathing stopped, it was more than just a ghoul, it was someone she knew.

You could say they are good friends "Ken?" she asked softly and looked into his black eye.

Had he always been a ghoul?

Various emotions are brought together through his eyes, anger, shock, fear and, above all, hate.

Without knowing how (Y / N) should feel, a salty tear rolled down her cheek, "Get lost!" he shouted in her face and immediately looked away from her, but how could she run?

While in shock, Ken prefers to focus on the dead man.

The dead man's blood is on the floor, on Ken's hands, clothes and face.

She ran away in fear of the one she saw as a friend.

As fast as she could she ran into nothing, just not with him.

Her breath was loud and since breathing is loud it is easier for her attacker to find her.

When she was about to be free from this area, someone grabbed her wrist, but the person overdid it and managed to break her wrist in a few seconds.

She screamed loudly in pain, but her attacker covered her mouth, she tasted iron ... blood?

Her eyes widened to see that it was Ken who broke her wrist

"I'm sorry, but I have no other choice."

Ken.

Said my mind, I slowly closed my eyes and waited every second until it ended my life when I suddenly heard a laugh.

It wasn't Ken's, definitely not mine, but it sounds so familiar to me.

I opened my eyes and saw a white-haired man in the distance approaching us every second, without really being able to do anything, I closed my eyes and screamed loudly until I heard something drop.

I slowly opened mine and at the same time couldn't feel Ken's arm anymore, but I felt his stomach on my back.

I regret opening my eyes because Ken's arm was there.

All the red blood is all over the floor.

The sirens rang loudly, the lights of the police cars shine towards us.

All weapons are aimed at us, or rather at Ken, they want to kill him.

His body is still close to mine, it was trembling badly.

"Ken, get out of here."

Unfortunately, we both know too well that if he's here a minute longer, he's going to die.

"I am sorry." he said softly and disappeared from nowhere.

Apparently the white-haired man didn't feel like following him but approached me, he lifted Ken's cut off arm in the air and bragged about it in front of the police officers.

Then he looked at me and said, full of joy, "Wait a minute! I know you!"

The fear still lingers in me, so I couldn't say anything.

A police officer approached us and asked me to come along so I can answer the questions that were sent to me.

"I want to come with." said the stranger, and went ahead.

Together in the car he tried in vain to have a conversation with me several times, but how can I?

I saw with my own eyes how a friend of mine is actually a ghoul and an innocent man was just about to eat.

Please let all of this be a bad joke to me.

In one room, the officer questioned me, but if I'm honest I have to admit that I didn't answer all questions honestly.

What would they do with Ken?

Of course they'll kill him and even if he's a ghoul he'll still be my friend, no matter what.

It is clear to me that it is wrong to lie, but I know that Ken, even though he is a ghoul, is not that someone who enjoys killing people or even eats them.

I was given a small bottle of water in the hallway and waited for it to be released.

"Hey." someone whispered and sat down next to me.

"Hi." I whispered back, but my eyes stay on my bottle.

"You don't like to talk, do you?" he asked me and immediately started talking about himself.

Apparently killing ghouls is a passion for him, why exactly I don't know.

But maybe it's his past, who knows.

Juzzo Susuya is his name.

In contrast to the other people I met, he seems to be a little different, not only in character but also in appearance.

These scars that are on his body seem a bit strange, I don't know how exactly.

But one thing is clear to me, he is constantly smiling.

He's probably just happy and if it is then tell me how?

How can anyone be happy all the time since we first met I saw that smile on their face.

To be honest, it scares me a little.

But he seems to be quite young, for where and for what he works.

"Tell me about yourself ... human."

I didn't really give much of myself credit.

Just my name and that I want to work as a policewoman, but I want a job like Juzzo.

I know not every ghoul is bad, but there are too many.

Before Juzzo could talk, someone came and told me I could go.

I got up and wished them a good evening, when I looked at my cell phone to know what time it was, I was a bit shocked that it was shortly before 11 am.

"Hey, (Y / N)!" Juzzo's voice can be heard through the corridor, and I turned around in amazement.

Right in front of me the psycho was standing with a strange grin and said "I'll go with you, because what if a ghoul came out of nowhere, huh? Of course I'll kill him!"

He laughed with all his heart.

Although he seemed nice, he still scares me, but the fact that a ghoul could have intervened any second on the way home made me feel cold.

"Yes, please." answered hesitantly and went on.

On the way home there was a pleasant silence between us, apart from the police sirens the night didn't seem bad like the others.

Every now and then I looked up at the sky and see how beautiful the earth can be.

When I got to my apartment, I got the house keys until Juzzo spoke to me in a different tone.

But it's not that kind of tone that sends a shiver through your spine, no, it's something familiar and yet unfamiliar.

"(Y / N), do me a favor and look for another job, you have seen for yourself how dangerous that can be."

Sighing, I answer "I can decide about my future myself, Juzzo. Take care of yourself."

And so I opened the door and closed it immediately afterwards.

But it's probably also the last time I saw him, someone he'll save my life and ... whatever (Y / N) don't think too much about it.

TIME SKIP

It has been about 3 years after this case.

I am about to buy a coffee from a bakery, but I am buying a small piece of cake for a good friend of mine, but I am not surprised that he likes something sweet.

I got in the car and drove straight to the station, actually nothing special as it is already part of everyday life.

Get up, get ready for work, drive to the bakery to buy a cup of coffee and a small cake and finally drive to the area, nothing special as I said.

Once there, he was already standing in the entrance and looked at the surroundings, but when he saw me he waved his arms up in the air and shouted my name the whole time.

His colleagues looked at him in surprise, but he skilfully ignored them.

"Good morning, Juzzo." I said, handing him his cake, he threw his arms through my waist and also said "Good morning, (Y / N)."

I am happy to have a good friend like Juzzo in my life.

Even if he can be a psycho at times, he still seems to find the right words for you every now and then.

It's hard to believe that he can make me laugh so quickly in just a few seconds.

The work day was not very special today, so I struggled not to fall asleep.

After our release, Juzzo suddenly had the idea of ​​going to the cinema because a new horror film was coming out, seriously?

Dejected, we made our way, while Juzzo chatted about various original murder documentaries, but it has to be said that they are better than horror films.

After Juzzo, strangely enough, paid for the tickets and the snacks, we looked for our seats.

That can be something.

TIME SKIP

"It was completely boring." sigh Juzzo disappointed as we got into my car.

"I can just agree with you."

I started the engine and hit the gas and started driving around town.

There aren't many people to see, but maybe it's better that way.

Just when I had to think of Ken out of nowhere my cell phone was buzzing, bored Juzzo took my cell phone and took it.

"(Y / N) and Juzzo here, what's going on?" he asked, showing my screen, a guoul is sure to be in sight.

We were told where this is and hung up immediately afterwards.

"I love killing ghouls, but I'm so tired today. And all because of this movie."

With a giggle, I said that he could stay with me and drove straight in the direction.

After about 5 minutes we have already reached the finish line.

Annoyed, I took out my gun while Juzzo started running like a psycho.

However, the ghoul did not see it from Juzzo but from me, he let go of his victim so that she could run away for her life and jumped in front of me.

Surprised, Juzzo turns around and screams if he is not enough.

Immediately I grabbed my weapon and immediately made a deep wound on him, of course he wasn't very happy about it and immediately set his claws.

Unfortunately, I evaded too late, so the wounds on my cheek can certainly become scars.

When he was about to take another hit, Juzzo's weapon threatened through his stomach, the ghoul suddenly stopped and spat out a lot of blood.

He quickly pulled out his weapon and beheaded my attacker who was now lying on the floor covered in blood.

Since I do not want that not only my clothes but also shoes are covered with the blood of a ghoul, I tried in vain to get up, maybe I sprained my ankles, but it will be fine.

Juzzo immediately took my gun and asked me if he should carry me, whereby I said that it wasn't too bad and also started to run.

Juzzo hesitated, but he knows himself that it is useless to argue with me.

After what feels like an eternity, we are back home with the help of my car.

Annoyed, I took my laundry and in the next second found myself in the shower.

When I got out of the shower I saw that Juzzo also wanted to take a shower and gave him the spare clothes that I have for him in the closet.

After he was finished we lay down together in my bed and put the covers on our bodies.

I turned off the light and whispered softly, "Love you, Juzzo. Good night."

"Me too."

He deserves the slap in the face.

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