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highfunctioningflailgirl · 1 month

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Damage Control - 2x02 Everybody Loves A Clown

When Bobby’s phone rings - his private cell, not one of the bogus agency phones lined up in his kitchen - and he recognizes Sam Winchester’s caller ID, he instinctively knows the shit must’ve hit the fan. He saw it coming: the totaled Impala and Dean in a coma; the ingredients from John’s list that Sam picked up last night; the spell Bobby knows they’re used for - this can’t be good.

And it isn’t. Sam’s voice sounds strange on the phone - small, brittle - when he tells him that John’s dead. Not only dead, but burned already, the circumstances of his demise not clear to Bobby since Sam stops talking mid-sentence and all he hears is the choked-up breathing of someone trying not to cry. Then, after a pause, a broken question: “Can we stay at your place for a couple of days?”

Of course they can.

When they arrive, the boys look as wrecked as the Impala that Bobby had towed into his salvage yard only two days ago. Although the injuries on Sam’s face are healing, he looks worse than before, puffy and red-eyed. He’s got one steadying hand around Dean’s bicep and, Christ, the kid looks like a ghost - pale and stony, purple bruises under his eyes, a row of stitches zig-zagging down his forehead.

Bobby’s seen them hurt or sick before. John had dropped them off now and then when they were little, with stomach bugs or strep throats that interfered too long with his hunting, and later, when their own hunting injuries needed more than a motel room and an ace bandage.

But he’s never seen them like this.

“Come in, you two boneheads.”

He waves them inside, taking a heavy duffel bag and backpack from Sam so he can steer his brother into the study and sit him down on the worn-out couch. Bobby’s itching to learn what happened, but if he knows one thing about the Winchesters it’s that prying will only make them clam up - Dean in particular. What they need, what these boys always needed to open up was a safe space, time and patience.

“I made up your old room for you,” Bobby says, pointing upstairs with his thumb. “Beds may be a little small for you now, but more comfortable than the couch and the floor. And you-” he looks at Dean “-need to lie down and heal.”

“Nah. I just need a beer.”

Bobby almost flinches at the sound of Dean’s voice. Hollow steel. He sounds like something died inside of him. Probably did. He was close with his dad. The kid’s heart must be in pieces.

“Dean!” Sam raises exasperated, too-big hands. “You just came out of a coma. You can’t drink—“

“You’re not my mom, Sammy. Or my dad.” He scoffs darkly. “Fact, both of them are dead now. I can do what I want.”

Sam’s mouth stays open like gobsmacked.

Bobby sighs. Cynicism. Dean’s always had a knack for that, even as a kid, and now it’s spilling out of him like tar. From experience, Bobby knows it won’t cover the hurt.

“You wanna be an idjit and drink yourself back into the ICU, be my guest.” He waves at the kitchen. “Enough booze in the fridge to kill whatever brain cells you got left in that cracked noggin’ of yours. But I’m not sure your brother’s in the mood for another Winchester funeral right now.”

Dean scowls at him, bruised eyes blazing green, but when he turns his head to look at Sam, his sharp edges soften a bit, seeing the hurt on his little brother’s face.

“Fine.” Dean slaps his thighs. “I’m gonna go upstairs and rest.” He spits that last word out like it’s poison. “You two can hug it out or whatever.” He heaves himself up off the couch, slapping away Sam’s helpful arm, and stiffly limps toward the stairs.

As Bobby sees Dean drag himself up the steps, he suppresses the urge to help. Sam had told him about the severity of Dean’s injuries, and Bobby has no idea how he’s even on his feet (although he has an inkling that John meddled with things he shouldn’t have meddled with, the goddamned fool.) The kid should be in a hospital. He certainly shouldn’t be walking up a flight of stairs by himself.

But Bobby knows that, when Dean’s like this, he can’t be touched. He can’t have anyone in his personal space. Dean deals with weakness and pain the way an injured cat does: He hides away, on his own, until it’s either passed or killed him. Of course, Bobby won’t allow the latter to happen. But he’ll give the kid his space for now and check on him later.

When he hears the door to the boys’ room fall shut upstairs, he turns around to Sam.

The younger Winchester is a mess. He’s pacing, fidgety, face scrunched up, looking like he’s about to burst. Now that Dean’s out of sight, the dam seems about to break.

“Sam?” Carefully, Bobby steps closer. “What’s going on, son? What happened?”

Sam stops in his tracks, all 6’5 of him just standing there, a tremor rippling through his lanky body. Then, unexpected, he takes two long strides and his arms sling themselves around Bobby. His stubbly, sweaty face burrows into his shoulder with a wet sob. Bobby sways a little under the assault.

But this is Sam. Little Sammy who always loved climbing into Bobby’s lap with a book; whose clammy, plump hand had fit so naturally into Bobby’s calloused one; who’d followed him around like a puppy as soon as John had pushed him inside the door and turned around on his heel.

“He’s dead, Bobby”, Sam sobs. “He’s gone and I can’t—“ The rest dissolves into tears.

Bobby wraps his arms around Sam. It must be looking awkward - he’s half a foot shorter and his old, thinning arms can’t even reach around the boy’s broad back. But he puts all the warmth and comfort into the embrace that he has in his bones, and Sam clings to him like someone who’s drowning.

“I know, son,” Bobby mumbles, fighting back tears of his own now. “I know.”

It’s true. Bobby knows about grief and the shock of sudden loss. He’s been there. It’s molded him into who he is today. But he was older than Sam and Dean when the death of a loved one cut into him, and these two boys have been through it twice now. For Sam, it may even feel like the first time. He was only a baby when his mother was killed and has no active memory of that time - or of his mom. He cannot remember his life getting turned upside down back then. Dean can, and Bobby shudders at what this is doing to the boy, hardened as he is already, his armor so heavy he can barely carry it anymore.

For Sam, their father’s death must feel like a stab wound - sudden, sharp and breathtaking. After the initial, surreal shock, the pain finally comes, and it’s found him now, in Bobby’s study, overwhelming and all-encompassing. At least he’s letting it out. At least he’s crying. At least he’s letting himself be held, and that’s what Bobby does, silently and patiently, until Sam is done. Until he unlocks his arms and steps back, wiping his nose on his sleeve, red-eyed and embarrassed.

“I’m sorry, Bobby,” he mumbles, voice still thick. “I- I didn’t mean to- … I’m alright.”

“Balls.”

Bobby reaches into the pocket of his worker vest and pulls out an old-fashioned, folded cotton handkerchief that he gives to Sam.

“Leave the ‘I’m fine’ BS to your brother. No one’d be alright after what you boys went through. Now sit down before you fall over.”

He herds Sam to his sagging old couch and sits him down. While the kid wipes his eyes and blows his nose, Bobby fetches a bottle of Scotch and fills two glasses. He hands one of them to Sam.

“Drink.”

Obediently, Sam does. Technically, Bobby knows booze isn’t the best for someone recovering from a concussion, but it’s been two days since the accident, and Sam isn’t nearly as injured as his brother. He figures that, by now, it’s medicine.

Sam sips, then nervously starts turning the glass in his hands. Even cried out, he’s still twitchy and unable to sit still. One knee is bobbing in high frequency. His mouth is in constant motion, biting and twisting his lips.

“Okay,” Bobby says, calmly and invitingly. “You wanna tell me what happened?”

And then it all spills out of Sam like water from a burst pipe.

xxx

Half an hour later, Sam is shoveling a plate of Bobby’s famous kitchen sink chili into his mouth. No idea when the kid’s eaten the last time. Must’ve been awhile. Hopefully not the PB&J Bobby forced on Sam when they’d towed the Impala to his salvage yard.

Bobby trudges up the stairs to check on Dean and stops in front of the boys’ room, listening. No sounds drift out the door, no snoring, no running tv. No sobs either. There’s no answer when he knocks softly, so he quietly steps inside.

Dean’s on his side, turned to the wall, comically big in the single bed, his still figure softly illuminated by the old nightlight Sam had always needed and that Bobby never bothered to remove from the room. It’s hard to believe that Dean’s asleep. If he is, it’s only due to the exhaustion his injured soul and body are forcing on him. Usually, with his hunter’s instincts, he would have woken up as soon as somebody entered the room, unannounced. In truth, Bobby had half expected to have a weapon pointed at him.

Asleep or not, Bobby steps closer and leans over the older Winchester brother. He’s in a t-shirt, sheets slipped down to his waist, and as far as Bobby can tell in the semi-darkness there’s no fresh blood staining the grey cotton fabric. Good. At least his stitches are holding.

Sam had told him that, while Dean’s internal injuries had miraculously vanished, the slashes on his torso and the surgery incisions were still healing, like the stitches Bobby had seen on Dean’s forehead. Knowing Dean, Bobby was pretty sure those wounds were overdue a bandage change, and there was probably an unopened pill bottle somewhere in his bag. Of course, he’d left the hospital against medical advice, and Sam, off his head in the wake of their father’s sudden death, hadn’t been able to keep him from walking out. Somehow, the two idjits had managed to steal John Winchester’s body from the morgue and found a remote spot to burn it.

“Why didn’t you call me then?” Bobby had asked Sam downstairs.

Sam, face still wet, wringing his large hands, had shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know.”

But Bobby knew. They were Winchesters, taught by John to keep family matters close to their chest, just like pain.

Now, seeing Dean’s young, marred profile in the semi-darkness, his chest twists with sorrow. They’ve been through so much in their twenty-something years, and Bobby, in fits and spurts, had to witness them losing their innocence and their trust in a world that seemed to mean them nothing but harm. John had exposed them to the darkness. And Bobby hadn’t been able to shield them from it.

Sighing, he reaches out and - carefully, stealthily - touches his hand to Dean’s forehead to check for a fever. He’s a little warm, but not alarmingly so. The boy stirs a little, brow furrowing, a small sound escaping his parted lips. To Bobby’s surprise, Dean leans into his touch, eyes closed, before he stills again, dropping back into deep sleep.

His stupid old heart overflowing, Bobby remains like this for a prolonged moment - his hand cupping Dean’s forehead, the boy’s spiky hair soft against his calloused palm - until his back starts to twinge and he has to straighten back up. Tenderly, he pulls the sheet back up to Dean’s shoulder.

“I gotcha,” he grumbles softly before leaving the room and quietly closing the door.

The damage Control Series - Masterlist

Read the whole series on AO3 here:

#spn #supernatural #fanfic #fan fiction #2x02 #everybody loves a clown #the damage control series #sam winchester #dean winchester #bobby singer #hurt/comfort #grief #hurt dean winchester #emotionally hurt sam winchester

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samanddean76 · 5 months

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Supernatural (TV 2005) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Underage Relationships: Dean Winchester/John Winchester, John Winchester/Sam Winchester Characters: John Winchester, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester Additional Tags: Protective John Winchester, Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, Emotionally Hurt Sam Winchester, Comforting John Winchester, Enthusiastic Consent, Sam was 16 the first time, One Sentence Referencing That Moment, Neither Sam or Dean know about the other's relationship with John, John makes Love to his boys, Very Specifically Requested, all the feels, Love, Comfort, Prompt Fill Summary:

John loves his boys. And Sam and Dean love their father. John loves them in the only way that they will allow him to.

*****

Prompt specifically requested that John make love to his boys, without benefit of him being manipulative, mean, or evil.

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ohsamtumbles · 2 years

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Fic on AO3

#sam winchester fic #fics #sam is BIG HURT #both physically and emotionally #but Dean's there #as he always is...#the prose is *chef's kiss*#ohsamtripleplay2022

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a-wincest-special · 13 minutes

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It's pathetic, I know

A jealous fool who won't let go

If I was sorry for my actions

Would I ever stoop so low?

Got no reason to live

And I've got nothing left to give you

But my love, love, fuck it, this is love

- This is Love by Air Traffic Controller

Dare I say, Dean after Sam goes off to Stanford and he feels like he's been left behind, all he had to give was his love, but that wasn't enough to make Sam stay, and now he's jealous of everyone Sam chose over him

All Dean could give his baby brother was his own fucked up version of love, and all Sam could do was accept it, especially since neither of them had a good role model for what familial love was supposed to look like or anybody else to love them, but what happened when Sam understood that what they did was not normal? The kissing, the intimate touching, the being so close they were practically in each other's skin was NOT normal and now Sam knew that, but Dean was left all alone in the dark.

So Sam leaves, and Dean has no idea why. Yes it's because of the hunts, because of all the fighting with their dad, but as far as Dean knows, his brother hates him, so Dean can't help but to feel responsible for his baby brother's departure. Dean was the problem, not any of the ghosts or supernatural shit they fought on the daily. No, it was Dean.

Sam was Dean's whole world, the only reason he was still breathing was because he took care of Sammy, he protected him, shielded him. But now that's over, that's no more and Dean? Dean is no one now.

#i think other than that little thought #the song as whole really encapsulates how fucked up dean and sam's idea of love is #like they keep hurting each other physically and emotionally yet they keeo coming back because thats all they know #their love is violent #obsessive #possessive and toxic #but they bear it if it means being close to one another #<33 #late night thoughts with yours truly #supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #wincest #samdean #teenchesters #my rambles

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professionalfangirlingblogger · 1 year

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Can’t Get Better

Summary: Dean reflects on the time Cas left without warning to the Empty, making him think that Cas abandoned him without explanation. It took a lot to get where they are now, safe in each other's arms.

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It surely can’t get better than this, Dean thinks. Surely. His right cheek is warm, heated by the furnace that is Cas’s bare chest. Dean can’t even distinguish what Cas smells like anymore because he’s so used to, well, Cas . Dean’s left hand is resting next to his head, absentmindedly tracing shapes on Cas’s chest, sometimes brushing Cas’s nipple which produces a slight hitch in Cas’s steady ocean breath. Cas’s heart is like a medley to Dean’s ears, lulling him into the most peaceful state he’s been in in a while. He’s needed this.

After Sam decided to leave the life in order to settle with Eileen after finishing God, Dean had finally gotten the courage to go to Cas’s room after many, many sleepless nights.

Dean just crawled into Cas’s arms and no words were needed for Cas to know that Dean loves him, needs him, wants him. But Dean had felt wetness against his scalp and Cas was shaking.

“I’m sorry,” Cas had said, and that’s when Cas had disappeared, taken to the Empty in pure happiness. Which Dean didn’t know of until after Cas had returned. Dean had thought that Cas had left him in that moment, that Cas didn’t want him, that Cas didn’t need him like Dean needed Cas.

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octoberclidan · 9 months

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Can You Look at Me?

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Request: She hunts with Sam and Dean for a long time, they are inseparable best friends. She has feelings for Dean, but doesn't have hope he feels the same (he feels the same) because he often has one night stands with blonde busty barbies. When this happens reader is super sad,because she's more the small and petite type and not the busty tall model. One night the three celebrate in a bar and Dean as always flirts with a bitch, to distract himself from his feelings for his best friend. Unfortunately there's a guy hitting on her and he's super intrusive and she tries to defend herself but the guy is three her size. He spiked her drink and she slowly begins to feel faint. He violates her. After some time dean notices that a creep violates her in a corner....

She's out of it and Dean brings her to the bunker. She has a worrying reaction to the drugs and he takes care of her. She has a respiratory depression and later she's suffering from being violently sick. I really like Dean and Sam to be protective and worried care taker =)

Note: this is 18+ and contains sexual harassment and assault.

Masterlist

Story:

"Hey, you up for a bit of a celebration tonight?" Sam found [Y/N] in her room, updating her journal with details from the witch hunt they'd just arrived back from that morning. She glanced up at him and smiled, nodding at him.

"Sure, just our local bar?" She asked and he nodded once.

"Yeah, and just the three of us, Cas has heaven business to attend to". He walked over and pulled a chair over to sit down beside her bed. She closed her journal and raised an eyebrow at him, clearly something was on his mind. "So, you uh, think you'll see someone you like there?" He asked and she rolled her eyes.

"Sam, come on".

"What?" He grinned at her.

"You are far more invested in this than I am".

"Why don't you make a move tonight? You're on a high from the hunt, he's on a high from the hunt...". She glared at him and he raised his hands in defense. "Look, all I'm saying is, you two stare at each other all the time. Cas has even pointed it out. You can deny it all you want, but I know you have feelings for him, and I know he has feelings for you. I say you take your shot tonight". He shrugged before he stood up and put the chair back. "We leave in ten". He smiled at her annoyed expression before leaving the room.

Sam had been nagging [Y/N] about her feelings for Dean for months. She hadn't admitted anything, but he knew her too well, seeing right through her. She always found Dean attractive, anyone would, but her feelings for him evolved into something more solid after she'd moved into the bunker a year previous. She'd spent a lot of time with both Sam and Dean, and Cas too, and she'd come to genuinely love all of them. Cas was someone she could talk to about anything without fear of judgement, Sam was someone who she trained with, researched with, worked well with, and cared very deeply for. Dean was someone who she got along with without having to put in any effort, they just clicked. They got each other, they knew how to read each other, they looked out for each other, they knew when something was wrong with the other, and they enjoyed each other's company, even in silence.

Sam seemed to think that she just didn't have the courage to tell Dean how she felt, but courage wasn't the issue, at least not entirely. She had never been too scared to tell a man how she felt about them. The main issue was that even on the off chance that he did like her too, it would never work. Their ability to hunt together would be affected if there was a relationship involved. They often argued after bad hunts, when they were tired, physically hurt, and emotionally drained. She knew that put a strain on their friendship sometimes, and even though they always got over it, she also knew that it would do even more damage to a romantic relationship. Besides all of that, she was also almost certain that he didn't feel the same about her anyway, since she simply wasn't his type. Although Dean looked short next to Sam, he was still a tall guy. She'd never seen him go for a shorter woman. She'd also never seem him go for a woman with her body type, he tended to go for women with curves in all the right places, curves that [Y/N] just never had. She tried not to dwell on it too much, but that wasn't something she succeeded with.

She picked out a simple black dress from her closet which hugged her thighs, decided to leave her hair down, added some simple pieces of jewellery, and put on a pair of plain black high heels; something to give her a little bit of height. She didn't dress up often, they didn't really go out much. A lot of the time they were on hunts a few days away from the bunker, and when they were over they'd usually celebrate in whatever bar was closest to the case before heading back, meaning they usually went out in whatever clothes they brought for the hunt. Their last hunt wasn't that far away though, so they'd driven through the night to get home instead of going out. It was a rare opportunity for [Y/N] to dress up and feel pretty for once, and who knows, maybe there'd be a new local or someone passing through who she could make a good first impression on.

Once she was happy with how she looked, or as happy as she could be with what she had to work with, she picked up her purse and walked out to the war room to meet the boys. Sam raised his eyebrows when he saw her, and even though she had no feelings other than platonic for him, she couldn't help the blush on her cheeks under his stare. "Wow, you clean up well". He said, and his remark pulled the attention of Dean, who'd been distracted looking under the table for something when [Y/N] had walked in. He looked her up and down before clearing his throat and looking to Sam. Although she'd been building a wall between herself and her feelings for Dean, she had to admit that his lack of acknowledgement of the effort she'd put into her appearance stung a little.

"You sure you haven't seen them?"

"I told you, you were wearing them when we got back and then you disappeared off into your room, so if they're not in there and they're not out here, then I've no idea where your boots are Dean".

"Well I can't go out in just my socks".

"You seriously only own one pair of boots?" Sam asked him, crossing his arms with an amused expression on his face.

"No, but my other pair are covered in ghoul".

"Dean, that ghoul hunt was two months ago. You're telling me you've had those shoes rotting in your room all that time and haven't cleaned them yet? No wonder every time you open your door it makes the entire corridor smell like something's just died".

Dean just waved him off, muttering to him to go ahead and he'd meet them there as he wandered off back to his room. Sam and [Y/N] decided to walk to the bar since they intended on drinking properly, and it wasn't very far from the bunker. Although, she knew her feet would probably be hurting before she even got there with her not being used to wearing heels that much anymore. She figured it was worth the pain for one night.

The bar was busy when they got there, and [Y/N] grabbed a table while Sam went off to order drinks. She used the opportunity to scan the room, trying to see if there was anyone there that looked interesting. She noticed a man leaning at the bar ordering a drink ahead of Sam. What drew her attention to him was how similar he looked to Dean; same sort of height, build, clothes. Even his stance and they way he was smirking at the bartender looked like Dean. She watched him until Sam made his way back to the table with their drinks, looking away before he got back to the table, but he'd already caught her staring at him.

"He's not the real thing, you know that, right?" He chuckled as he sat down opposite her. She blushed and brought her drink up to her lips.

"I'm just looking, there's nothing wrong with that". Sam leaned forwards on the table, ready to start nagging again but she cut him off before he could start. "I want to enjoy tonight Sam, maybe find a nice man who's interested. I'm an adult, and I don't think I look too bad tonight, so I can do that if I want to". She took another sip of her drink.

"Yeah but Dean-"

"Sam. I said I want to enjoy the night, so drop it, okay?" They sat in silence for a few minutes with their drink, until Sam started talking about the type of magic that the witch they'd just killed had been using. She was half listening to him, half keeping an eye on the Dean lookalike while they made their way through their drinks.

"[Y/N]?" Sam waved his hand in front of her as she watched the man continue to flirt with the bartender, even his mannerisms were the same.

"Hmm?" She took a final sip of her drink.

"Are you listening? I asked if you ever found out what language she was speaking when she started to cast that spell".

"Oh, yeah, it was Irish, she was saying something about setting fire to either a man, or to the grass, one or the other, I couldn't remember exactly what she said". She looked back over to see the man now turned away from the bar, catching her eyes and smiling at her. She smiled back at him and Sam cleared his throat in an attempt to win back her attention. "Hey, you think Dean found his boots yet?" She asked, still looking at the man. The more she looked at him, a feeling of uneasiness started to grow inside her. He looked like Dean but he was missing the kindness in Dean's eyes, the warmth of Dean's smile, the aura of safety that she felt around Dean.

"He uh, found them awhile ago". She looked back at Sam in confusion, to see him looking over her shoulder with a grimace on his face. She turned around to see what he was looking at, and there Dean was. He was sitting in a booth with his arm around a girl that fit his type exactly, a smirk on his face as she giggled to something he'd just said. A wave of pain and jealousy flowed through her, but she found it difficult to look away. She swallowed back the lump in her throat and stood up.

"I need another drink". She didn't meet Sam's eyes, not wanting to see his pity, and made her way over to the bar to order, deciding to go to the far end from where the Dean lookalike was, now avoiding his gaze. Once her drink was on the counter, she turned back around to where she had been sitting with Sam, but there was another girl sitting where she'd been, and Sam was already completely immersed in conversation with her. [Y/N] sighed and leaned back against the bar watching them, leaving her drink on the counter beside her. She knew it had been awhile for Sam, and she was happy to see him smile. She took a long gulp from her drink and couldn't help but let her eyes wander over to Dean's booth, where his tongue was now definitely inside the girl's mouth. She tried to ignore the nausea she felt and was about to throw down some cash and head home early when someone cleared their throat beside her. Looking up, she saw a pair of green eyes. Cold, not warm like Dean's. Now that he was right next to her, she could see that he was taller than Dean, closer to Sam's height, and very broad.

"Hey, what's your name?" He smiled at her.

"[Y/N], sorry, I was actually just about to leave". She pushed off the bar but he stepped in front of her.

"What's the hurry? Not gonna finish your drink at least? I'm David". He held his hand out to her, and she glanced around him to Sam, but he was now facing away from her, having pulled his chair around to be closer to the girl he was talking to. She sighed but smiled and him and shook his hand.

"Nice to meet you, but I really am just gonna head home". She went to move around him but stumbled a little bit, suddenly feeling a bit dizzy. She'd only had one drink with Sam, and half of a second drink, not nearly enough for her to feel tipsy. David's large hand grabbed her shoulder, steadying her.

"Woah, you okay?" He scrunched his eyebrows together, and she was almost convinced, but his concern didn't seem genuine.

"Yeah..'m just tired. Gonna get my friend". She made another attempt to step around him, but she tripped, and this time David's arms were around her waist and pulling her closer to him.

"Looks like you need some support". He chuckled and she tried to push his arms off her, but she felt strangely weak. She was a hunter, she was small, but she was strong, she had been trained by the two best hunters in the world, and even though this guy was over a foot taller than her, she should've been able to manuever out of his hold with ease. Her body just wasn't cooperating, it wasn't doing what she wanted it to.

"Get off". She meant it as a demand, but her voice came out quiet. The room was now spinning, she couldn't really see anything properly, but she felt the edge of the counter of the bar against her back, and David pressing her into it.

"You seem tense, I can help you let off some steam". He murmured into her ear, now close enough for her to smell the alcohol on his breath. She brought her arms up to push his chest, but again she couldn't find any strength in them. He chuckled, gripping her waist hard with both hands and pushed his knee in between her legs, pushing his thigh up under her dress to grind against her underwear. She was confused as to why she couldn't think straight, why she couldn't see properly, why she couldn't get away, and she started to cry, continuously trying and failing to push him away without success. She didn't know how long she'd been there, it could've been less than a minute, or it could have been half an hour, but suddenly the pressure from David was gone, and she was falling to the floor on her hands and knees.

***

Dean had found his boots not long after he'd left Sam and [Y/N] to go to the bar. He'd arrived only ten minutes or so after they had, and he'd gone up to the bar to order himself a drink with the intention of joining Sam and [Y/N] at theirs. He'd been waiting for his drink when a pretty woman had said hello to him, had complimented his smile, and had asked to touch his muscles. Dean never had to try very hard to get attention, and he knew it. However, it wasn't the attention he really wanted. He glanced over to [Y/N], but she was staring at another man on the other end of the bar, not noticing Dean at all. So, he decided that the pretty girl touching his muscles would be a good distraction, and maybe if he got talking to her, she'd be half as interesting as [Y/N].

He hadn't bothered to make himself known to Sam and [Y/N], and pulled the girl over to a free booth and wrapped an arm around her, ready to try and get lost in her. He made eye contact with Sam, who nodded in acknowledgement before turning back to [Y/N], but Dean could see that she wasn't paying any attention to Sam, she was still looking over at the guy at the bar. Trying to keep the jealously at bay, Dean chuckled and nodded at whatever the girl had just said to him, and leaned in to kiss her. When he finally decided that he wasn't having fun and wasn't into it when he knew [Y/N] was right there and interested in someone else, he made an excuse and got up from the booth. He turned to go over to Sam and [Y/N]'s table to tell them he was going to go back to the bunker, but [Y/N] wasn't there, some other girl was talking to Sam. Dean scanned the room and when he found [Y/N], his heart sank. The man she'd been looking at earlier was caging her in against the bar, and she was clearly crying. Dean had never felt anger like he had in that moment, and without thinking he marched over to the man, grabbed his shoulder and pulled him off [Y/N]. He shoved him, and David stumbled backwards.

"What's your problem?" David asked, squaring up against Dean.

"What the fuck did you think you were doing?" Dean's face was red with anger.

"Fuck off, find your own slut". David shoved Dean and Dean punched him without hesitation, right in the jaw. He stumbled back again, this time falling down onto his back. Dean hadn't noticed, but the people around him had cleared away and everyone was watching. Sam had immediately run over to [Y/N] who was on the ground, but Dean's attention was on David. He crouched down and grabbed a fistful of his collar, pulling his head up and getting in his face.

"If I ever see you again, if you ever touch her again, I will kill you". He waited for David to submit and nod, then let go, letting him fall back down, and with the look that Dean was giving him, he stayed down.

"Dean". Sam's voice called to Dean and he stood back up, gave David one last warning glare, and turned around to see Sam and [Y/N] on the ground. She was sitting in Sam's lap, and he was cradling her in his arms, rocking slightly in an attempt to comfort her. "There's something wrong with her, she's not breathing properly". Dean knelt down beside them, his anger turning to panic as he watched [Y/N] struggling to catch her breath, the tears still streaming down her face. He pushed her hair back off her face and wiped her tears away.

"Hey Sweetheart, you're safe, Sammy and I have you. Can you look at me?" He cupped her cheek but her eyes weren't focusing on him, she was looking all over frantically. "Okay, okay, come here". He looked to Sam. "Give her to me, we need to get her out of here". Sam nodded and carefully pushed her into Dean's arms, before getting himself up and helping Dean up with her. Sam walked ahead of Dean, clearing a path through the crowd and opening the door as Dean carried [Y/N], his hand holding her head close to his chest, determined not to let anyone hurt her or even get close to her.

Dean kept his eyes on her the entire walk home, and Sam kept trying to talk to her but got no response other than confused expressions. "She's completely out of it, how much did she drink?" Dean asked as they walked down the steps inside the bunker.

"Not enough to affect her like that. He definitely spiked her drink Dean". Sam had suggested taking her to a hospital, but Dean knew she wouldn't want that. He'd prayed to Cas during the walk home, and hoped that he'd be finished in heaven soon. He walked to her bedroom, Sam following quickly behind him. He laid her down on her bed and pulled back, and she started to panic, grabbing at his arm trying to stop him from letting go.

"Hey, hey, [Y/N] look at me". He put his fingers under her chin and angled her face towards his, but she still wasn't focusing on him. "I'm not going anywhere, you're in the bunker, you're gonna have to breathe properly for me, okay?"

"Dean, her colour is off, I think she's gonna be sick". Sam said from behind Dean. He stood back just in time to avoid being thrown up on as [Y/N] leaned over the side of the bed. He held her hair away from her face and rubbed her back, looking up to Sam for help. "I'll get her some water, move her to another bed and I'll clean this up".

"Thanks Sammy". Dean looked down to [Y/N] once Sam left the room. "Hey, do you think you're done? Or do you think you're gonna be sick again? Hopefully you've thrown up whatever was in that drink". He rubbed circles on her back and watched as tears formed in her eyes again.

"I'm sorry". She whispered, avoiding looking at him.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. How do you feel?"

"I feel weird".

"You weren't really with us for awhile there, you had both of us worried". She apologised again and sniffed before wiping her eyes.

"I don't feel like throwing up again". She mumbled.

"That's good, you're doing good. You wanna sleep in my room tonight? I have the most comfortable bed in the bunker". He reached over to wipe away another tear that escaped her eye and she nodded shyly at him. She tried to push herself off the bed but she still felt like she had no strength. "Don't push yourself, I'll carry you".

Dean carried [Y/N] to his room, noticing how she clung to his shirt as he did, and gently laid her down just as Sam walked in with a glass of water. "Thanks Sam". She said quietly, and he smiled at her and turned to Dean.

"Cas called, he's just finished in heaven and is on his way, should be here in a few hours. It's a good sign that she's talking now". He turned back to [Y/N]. "How are you feeling?" She just shrugged and took a sip of the water before handing it to Dean, who put it on the bedside table for her.

"I'm gonna stay with her until Cas gets here". Dean said, and Sam let him know to just call him if he needed anything. "You wanna move over a bit and let me in beside you? Or if you want your space I can sit in my chair instead, but I do want to be close by just to keep an eye on you". Dean wanted more than anything to hold her in his arms and protect her from everything, but he was also mindful of the fact that she may not want to be touched by someone after what happened, especially by someone who looked like the guy who hurt her. He smiled when she moved over in the bed and made eye contact with him. "Thank you Sweetheart".

He kicked off his shoes and pulled off hers too before he helped her under the covers and slid in beside her. She immediately lay her head on his chest and wrapped an arm around his waist, and he wrapped both of his arms around her. She felt safe in his strong hold, and her thoughts were starting to clear up a bit. The tiredness was also setting in though, and she just wanted to fall asleep and forget that evening. Dean pressed his lips to the top of her head and whispered reassurances to her until her breathing evened out and deepened. She was safe, she was going to be okay, he was going to tell her how he really felt about her when she was better, and both Sam and Dean would make sure they were there to protect her in future.

The end

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marvelfanfn2187a113 · 9 months

Text

Just A Girl

Sam Winchester x little sister!reader, Dean Winchester x little sister!reader

Synopsis: Y/N starts getting into interests other than hunting, but what happens when her brothers find out?

Author's Note: another Supernatural fic? Yup, my hyperfixation knows no bounds. Enjoy!

You were a daddy’s girl through-and-through. No question. Without a doubt.

Not that you had much choice in the matter. Your mother had died before you had even gotten the chance to form good memories of her, and your father, John Winchester, had taken you in as soon as he heard the news. So, that’s how you had grown up, looking up to your father and two big brothers. Needless to say, there was very little feminine influence in your life.

For the first many years, you had been fine with that. Overjoyed, even. You took on the role of tomboy with great ease, and you devoted all your energy to making the men in your life proud. You studied with Sam, trained with Dean, and compiled monster-killing information with John.

But things didn’t–couldn’t–remain the same. The older you got, the harder you found it to relate to your brothers. Of course, you still enjoyed your training and the occasional hunt–they only allowed you to go on the “safest” ones–but you found yourself pulling away from your family more and more mentally, although you wouldn’t allow your inner-alienation to show to your brothers. You didn’t have to worry about hiding it from your father, since he was barely around.

When Sam left for college, things only got worse. Dean doubled-down on your training, convinced that now that Sam was gone, you needed to be able to fend for yourself. If he needed backup on a hunt, he couldn’t turn to Sam anymore. You didn’t mind the work, but the long hours of training and the few hours of anything else was beginning to wear on you, both physically and mentally. The older you got, the more you felt like you needed your own space, to explore your own interests. You couldn’t tell that to Dean, though, not after he lost Sam to his own interests.

Your hesitance about training wasn’t the only thing that was changing for you. You were also beginning to notice how emotionally distant your family was. It hadn’t affected you as much as a little girl, because when you were little, displays of affection from the men who raised you had been more common. But now that you were older, they seemed to think that you had outgrown such things. You could tell that you were being expected to “grow up”, maybe even “man up”, something you most certainly could not do.

But it was more than that. When you were little, all you ever wanted was to be like your family. You wanted to be strong like dad, protective like Dean, and smart like Sam. But you couldn’t do that anymore. You couldn’t look up to them like heroes, because you had long outgrown that notion. Of course, you still looked up to them in some aspects, but it was different now. Dad was always gone, Dean wouldn’t know how to deal with feelings if they danced around blowing trumpets in front of him, and Sam…well, Sam had left. Not that you blamed him, of course, he had his own life that he wanted to live. But it was hard to look up to something that you never saw.

All that to say, this wasn’t exactly an ideal environment for a teenage girl. You were far too reserved to take out your feelings the way the rest of the men did–bottling them up and then letting them out by screaming at each other. You had times when you wanted to, of course–you had been disagreeing with them, especially John, more and more as you got older–but you found yourself more and more afraid of conflict as you matured. Before Sam had left, he and dad had been yelling at each other almost constantly, and it was pure torture on your anxiety. You hated raised voices, you hated hurt feelings, you hated conflict of any kind really. Your brothers and father never backed down from a fight, be it physical or familial, but you couldn’t do that. You found yourself walking on eggshells, making sure not to even say–much less yell–anything that would set off an argument.

You were stuck at a sort of impasse–your desperate desire to please your family versus your personal inclinations to just be yourself.

The only solution you had was to try and live both worlds; you trained with Dean whenever duty called, but afterwards you would retreat to your room, letting him work on whatever hunt he was preoccupied with, and you explored your own world.

You got into books, some tv shows the men in your life wouldn’t be caught dead watching (and would certainly make fun of you for watching), you tried out makeup and let your hair grow longer (you had always cut it short to keep it out of the way during training or hunting). You found that the more “feminine” things that you would’ve scoffed at a few years ago were suddenly looking much more interesting. You used one of those scammed credit cards Dean gave you to buy some ballet shoes, which you hid in your duffel under all your other belongings unless Dean and dad were on a hunt, at which time you would pull them out and teach yourself using some books you’d found.

It took you a long time to get over your embarrassment at wanting to try “girly” things out, but once you did you never looked back. You still played the part that dad and Dean expected, the young tomboy following in the men’s footsteps, but when you were alone, you didn’t see any harm in trying out some hobbies that felt more like you.

Like right now, for example. Dad was missing, Sam was finally back, and he and Dean were off hunting some monster. You enjoyed your isolation by first finishing off a tv show that they would’ve hated, then by reading some more of a new book you had gotten that they would’ve scoffed at. After that, it was time to pull out the ballet shoes and practice that new move that you couldn’t quite perfect.

You were so concentrated on figuring out the move, that you hadn’t noticed that you’d been practicing for hours, or that it was getting dark outside. You were also so intent on the music that you’d downloaded to go along with your dancing, that you didn’t hear the Impala pull up to the front of the motel room. In fact, you were so engrossed, that you completed the entire move–perfect for the first time!--and you were jumping around in excitement when you finally saw them. Your brothers. Standing at the door, mouths dropped open in shock, confusion contorting their features.

You froze on the spot, unable to move. You tried to speak, but no words would make it past your dry throat. You snatched up your phone and quickly killed the music, but there was no covering up the shoes you were wearing, and certainly no erasing the boys’ memory of what they’d seen.

The three of you stood in silence for several moments, before Sam finally got the words–or perhaps the guts–to speak.

“What was that?”

You answer was immediate.

“Nothing.”

“What are those?” Dean was staring down at your pastel-pink ballet shoes, his mouth still hanging open–which would have been comical if your heart wasn’t pounding in your ears.

“Nothing, just-” your lip started to quiver, and you were so shocked and appalled by this that you bit it so hard, blood started to dribble down your chin. Winchesters did not cry. “Just forget about it.”

“Jeez, Y/N,” Sam exclaimed, snatching up a towel and wiping the blood off of your mouth. As soon as he was done, you pulled away and sat on your bed, removing your ballet shoes as quickly as possible and depositing them back in their spot–the bottom of your duffel.

There was silence again for several seconds, but this time it was Dean who broke it.

“So…we’re not gonna talk about that?”

“Talk about what?” you muttered, your eyes downcast as you shifted on your feet.

Both brothers scoffed in unison.

“C’mon Y/N,” Sam insisted, putting his giant hand on your shoulder, “why didn’t you tell us you were into ballet?”

“And pretty darn good at it too,” Dean chimed in, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.

You stared at them, confused.

“You’re not…mad?”

“Mad?” Dean frowned, “I don’t know why you think we’re mad, I’m just confused. I mean you never seemed into…this kinda thing.”

“I…wasn’t,” you picked at your fingers, trying to find ways to ease the awkwardness of the conversation. “But lately…I don’t know, I just wanted to try it out.”

“Dancing?”

“Not just ballet, I guess. Just…girl stuff,” you looked up, trying to gauge your brothers’ reactions.

Sam just shrugged, “Ok.”

You were shocked.

“Ok? Just, ok?”

Dean smirked, “You may be a bit of a tomboy, but we haven’t forgotten that you’re a girl, baby.”

"Yeah, but," you sighed, "you don't think this stuff is stupid?"

"Well, you're not exactly gonna find me in those shoes," Dean shrugged, "But you do you, kid."

A relieved smile broke out on your face.

“You’re seriously ok with this?” Dean laughed, “Tell you what. I’ll be one hundred percent ok with this, on three conditions.

Both you and Sam frowned.

“What are they?” you questioned.

“Ok, one: never ask me to watch a chick flick with you.”

You giggled, relieved, “Ok.”

“Two: never play Taylor Swift in Baby. Never. I don’t care if I'm dead, that does not happen, understand?”

You giggled harder, “Ok, ok.”

Dean was frowning now, “Hey now, no giggling, I’m serious!” he snatched you up and threw you onto his bed, leaning over you and poking your sides, “This is a very serious conversation N/N, and I-” Dean dodged your desperate attempt to kick him away, smirking as you squealed under his ticklish assault. “Hey, that wasn’t nice. I can’t have this serious conversation with you giggling like that!” He poked at your ribs, laughing as you struggled.

“Wha-hat’s number three-hee?” you squealed, still trying and failing to get away from him.

“Oh yeah!” Dean suddenly pulled his hands away, once again regaining his serious composure. “I want front row tickets when you’re on Dancing with the Stars.”

You rolled your eyes and smacked his arm, “Dean, it’s just a hobby, I’m not gonna get famous for it.” “Hey now, you don’t know that, anything is possible. Now do we have a deal or not?”

You giggled, sitting up and wrapping your arms around your big brother.

“Deal.”

#dean winchester #dean winchester x you #dean winchester x female!reader #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x sister!reader #sam winchester x you #sam winchester x sister!reader #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester x y/n #dean and sam #sam winchester #supernatural #supernatural dean #supernatural sam #winchesters x reader #the winchesters #the winchester brothers

722 notes · View notes

fandom-hoarder · 5 months

Text

A Bibro's

Sastiel Rec List

-for the canon-adjacent connoisseur-

1. Pagan by posingasme

Gen | Rating: Mature | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 17, 782 | Chapters: 8/8

Tags: Blasphemy, Idol Worship, Fallen Castiel, Priest Sam, Hunterverse, Implied/Referenced Torture, Canon-Typical Violence

Summary: Castiel has fallen, too soon. Madness and desperation plague him, but, as always, his heart is still in the right place...with Sam Winchester.

🔆

2. Run Right; or Lie by orphan_account

Gen, M/M | Rating: Teen+ | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 5,197 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: AU, Alternate Universe, Canon Divergence, Pre-Slash

Summary: AU in which Dean died during Faith, the first seal was broken in season one, and Sam met Castiel when his faith was as strong as ever.

🔆

3. Kneel Before the Lord Our Maker by EnInkahootz

M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 3,000 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Supernatural Kink Bingo 2021, Porn, Smut, Blasphemy, Angels, Angel Kink, Religion, Religion Kink, Angel Wings, Wings, Flying, Clouds, Cock Worship, Dom/sub, Sub Sam Winchester, Dom Castiel, Dom Castiel/Sub Sam Winchester, Dreams, Blow Jobs, Post-Episode: s04e07 It's the Great Pumpkin Sam Winchester

Summary: After first meeting Castiel and being disappointed in It's the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester (Season 4, Episode 7), Sam has a dream about Castiel being the classic sort of angel he had expected to meet. Sam dreams of using his mouth to worship Castiel's holy cock, which Sam sees as an extension of god.

🔆

4. What This Is About by MissMisdemeanor

M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 3,147 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Top Castiel/Bottom Sam Winchester, Riding, Sweat, Hook-Up, Secret Relationship, Canon Compliant, canon adjacent?, Making Out, Early season 5 Supernatural

Summary: “This is something you’ve wanted before today,” Cas states, and it’s true. He’s not sure if Cas even had to read his soul to get at that.

Sam’s breath stops. He freezes momentarily. “Yeah,” he admits. “Shit, Cas, yeah. I’d have done this the day we met.”

🔆

5. A First Grasp by Fae-and-night (goodgirlgonegeek16)

M/M | Rating: Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,034 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Season 5 angst, Episode: s05e03 Free to Be You and Me, or at least the sastiel alternate ending to that episode.

Summary: Sastiel-flavored coda for “Free to be You and Me” with some early seasons bamf!castiel.

🔆

6. My Sastiel Valentine by rosworms

M/M | Rating: Mature | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 3,371 | Chapters: 3/3

Tags: Episode: s05e14 My Bloody Valentine, Slash, NSFW, Sastiel - Freeform, Sam/Cas - Freeform

Summary: A very slight AU of the episode 'My Bloody Valentine' where Sam is affected by famine in a different way.

🔆 55 more fics, in relatively chronological order, below the cut 🔆

7. Boy in the White Suit by posingasme

Gen, M/M | Mature | Graphic Depictions Of Violence | Words: 13,460 | Chapters: 7/7

Tags: Boy King of Hell Sam Winchester, Post-Apocalypse, Dark Sam Winchester, Insanity, Alice in Wonderland References, Blasphemy, Self-Destruction, Madness

Summary: Sam said no. Dean said yes. Sam lost his mind. Castiel lost his friends. That’s the road so far.

🔆

8. A More Profound Bond by confxsed

Gen, M/M | Rating: Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 5,824 | Chapters: 5/5

Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Dean Winchester, Protective Castiel, Hurt Sam Winchester, Emotionally Hurt Sam Winchester, Angst, Season/Series 05, Sam Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Mentions of Suicide, Pre-Slash

Summary: Five little moments where Dean notices the relationship between Sam and Castiel growing.

🔆

9. some space underneath my skin by hellsreluctantheir

Part 1 of touch -- The soulless Sam and Cas were fucking verse.

M/M | Rating: Mature | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 23,607 | Chapters: 8/8

Tags: Soulless!Sam, Season/Series 06

Summary: Humans liked to touch each other in ways that baffled Castiel. Not just in the manner they slyly referred to as biblically. He watched them clap hands onto shoulders and backs, lean into each other in exhaustion, sleep sitting up with feet resting against each other on the floor. A constant, reverberating, nonverbal hymn. I am here. You are here. We are here, and we are alive. Angels did not need that kind of reassurance. Castiel could hear his siblings' songs no matter how near he was to them physically. Prayers and psalms in the back of his mind. It saddened him, somewhat, to think that humanity would never know that.

🔆

10. The Unexpected by muzivitch

M/M | Rating: Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,253 Chapters: 1/1

Summary: Sam and Castiel discuss his missing year. Also, Sam has a crush that would be obvious to anyone but Castiel (except it might even be obvious to him, after all). Takes place after 6.12 "Like A Virgin."

🔆

11. Doing Just Fine by masterlynovak

M/M, Multi | Rating: Explicit | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 1,069 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: idk it's a threesome but not really?, Dean is just watching Sam and Cas have sex, voyerism

Summary: Dean wakes up in a room with a naked Sam spread out on the bed.

🔆

12. Wings by Rowan203

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 1,415 Chapters: 1/1

Summary: AU after season 6. Sam comes back from the cage broken and changed. Dean and Castiel deal with it in different ways.

🔆

13. Between the Shadow and the Soul by Vee (Vera_DragonMuse)

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 6,456 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Poetry, hell is the absence of love, take shelter in me, castiel thinks sam is the wolf, sam thinks castiel is in another story, really they're both just lost in the fog

Summary: What if Sam was the one that went to Purgatory with Castiel?

🔆

14. The Sun Pale as Milk by Icanseenow

M/M | Rating: Mature | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 39,879 Chapters: 21/21

Tags: POV Sam Winchester, Season/Series 08, Purgatory, Post-Purgatory, Slow Burn, Nearly Human Castiel, Post-Season/Series 07

Summary: Instead of Dean, Castiel is the one to return from Purgatory first. He finds Sam, and together they spend a year. Looking for Dean and not looking for Dean.

🔆

15. a body of proof by lordofsoup

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | Graphic Depictions Of Violence | Words: 21,525 | Chapters: 5/5

Tags: Angelic Possession, Consensual Possession, basically possession (romantic), Trials of Hell, Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Trauma From Lucifer's Cage, Sam Winchester Has an Eating Disorder, a minor point but i wanted to mention it, references to honey!cas, Developing Relationship, Romantic Fluff, Sharing a Bed, Sharing a Body, includes art!! [complete tags on Ao3]

Summary: Sam's sickness worsens after the second trial, resulting in him being rushed to the hospital, the extensive damage has left Sam drained of his fight. To continue with the trials Sam must allow Castiel to heal him, by possessing him. While having an alien home under his skin is nothing new for Sam, Castiel's constant presence unwittingly unburies a host of issues. Two people desperate for forgiveness in the same body should get crowded at times but between the nightmares, the sickness, and the blood; there are some cookies, a quiet beach on the coast of Oregon, and a chance at something new between them.

🔆

16. ficlet - sastiel, a/b/o dynamics by wrenseroticlibrary_archivist

[also on tumblr]

M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 580 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Post-Season/Series 08, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Fallen Angel Castiel, Mating Cycles/In Heat, First Time, Porn, Ficlet, Alpha Castiel, Omega Sam Winchester

Summary: When Castiel had Fallen, he’d clearly become an alpha.

🔆

17. Stay in Touch by Cuda (Scylla)

M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 6,310 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Post-Episode: s09e06 Heaven Can't Wait, Missing Scene, Human Castiel, Newly Human Castiel, Love Confessions, Not Actually Unrequited Love, First Kiss, First Time, Masturbation, Sexually Inexperienced Castiel, Castiel and Sam Winchester in Love, Sastiel - Freeform

Summary: Concerned about newly-human Castiel's decision to leave the Bunker on his own, Sam sets out for Idaho to find his best friend - and get some answers for himself.

🔆

18. Angels and Answers by klove0511

Part 1 of Milestones 'verse

M/M | Rating: Explicit | Rape/Non-Con | Words: 15,190 Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Possessed Sam Winchester, Memory Alteration, Human Castiel, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, First Time Blow Jobs, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence, Sam Winchester Has Self-Esteem Issues, Castiel Has Self-Esteem Issues, Alternate Season/Series 09, Winchester communication skills

Summary: Cas has discovered his sexuality as a human when the Winchesters bring him to the bunker, and he and Sam fall into bed together. When Gadreel forces Dean to drive Cas away, the two must find their way back to each other, freeing Sam from Gadreel in the process.

🔆

19. So polite by bloodandcream

M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,174 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Season 9, Angst, Sam topping from the bottom, Erectile Dysfunction

Summary: “Please,” was whispered into his mouth. So polite. Sam was in control here.

🔆

20. Had Worse by posingasme

Gen, M/M | Rating: Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 3,687 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Bunker Fic, Hurt/Comfort

Summary: Sam has a very high threshold for pain, and an iron will. So this current hunting injury, even with its weird attack on his view of reality, is nothing compared to what he has been through in the past. He’s had worse. But that does nothing to reassure those who love him.

🔆

21. I'm always dragging that horse around by Trojie

M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 5,499 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Unrequited Wincest, Unrequited Destiel, Enochian, Phobias, Hell Trauma, Season/Series 09, Episode: s09e11 First Born, Angel Healing, Implied Wincestiel, Hopeful Ending

Summary: Sam has a horror of angels and Cas has a compulsion to heal. It doesn't help that they speak the same languages, or that Dean is elsewhere - somehow he's always between them, and somehow they still have to meet in the middle.

🔆

22. The Best Medicine by sarasaurusrex

Multi | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,247 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Comfort, Fluff, Depressed Sam Winchester, Season/Series 09, Misunderstandings, Castiel Takes Care of Sam Winchester, Established Castiel/Sam Winchester, Domestic Fluff

Summary: Castiel confuses Sam’s symptoms of depression with symptoms of the flu and tries to help. Set mid season 9.

🔆

23. anything you need, that's what i'll be by starlightswait

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,092 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Dissociation, Bodily Autonomy, Season/Series 09, Aftermath of Possession, Post-Episode: s09e11 First Born, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Self-Harm, Food Issues

Summary: There is a strange discomfort in healing Sam in the days that follow Dean’s departure.

🔆

24. muscle memory by hellsreluctantheir

Part 2 of touch - Sam's POV s7 - s9

M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 5,830 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Season/Series 07, Season/Series 09

Summary: Sam lost his soul, slept with an angel, got his soul back, lost his memory, and then lost his mind before they could have a conversation about it. It's fine. The Hell trauma is gone, and he's coping. Even when Castiel comes back, he'll continue to cope.

🔆

25. Divine by Matthew1972

M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 8,120 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: POV Sam Winchester, Protective Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Kissing, First Time, Porn with Feelings, Anal Sex, Bottom Sam Winchester, Top Castiel, Bottoming from the Top, Angelic Grace Play, Angel Wings, Morning Sex, Oral Sex

Summary: Coda/AU scene to episode S09E11, First Born. "But nothing is worth losing you", Castiel shows that what he said was something he meant. Held safe in his arms and wings Sam learns the stunning truth about 'his' angel. How he heals the pain inside of him with something more than trust, care and touch.

🔆

26. Even If We Can't Find Heaven by ellerkay

M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 8,044 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Having Faith, Loss of Faith, First Kiss, First Time Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Pining

Summary: Sam finds his faith and loses it and finds it again, albeit in a very different form. A Sastiel love story and exploration of Sam’s faith and spirituality. [Note: prayer during sex🙏]

🔆

27. Table For Two by the_diving_fox

M/M | Rating: Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,775 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: somewhere in s9, Human Castiel, valentine's day fic, POV Outsider

Summary: A tired waitress at Ann's Diner happens to serve Sam and Castiel amidst all the other obnoxious Valentine's Day couples. Sam and Castiel manage to surprise her, though.

🔆

28. Two Beat Up Humans by PacJazz

M/M, Multi | Rating: Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 3,863 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Fluff and Angst, Pre-Slash, PTSD, Post-Gadreel, Human!Castiel, Hurt Sam Winchester, Post-trials with no angel healing hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Season/Series 09, Nightmares, Domestic Fluff, Hair Brushing, Insomnia, No Smut, Enochian-Speaking Sam Winchester, Sleepiness, Literal Sleeping Together [complete tags on Ao3]

Summary: Both broken, yet eager to help the other heal.... Sam and Cas are living in the bunker now, sans-dean after the gadreel betrayal. Cas is newly Human now, and while he needs some help learning the intricacies of that, Sam needs some help healing. They both share things, and think through what they've lost. *In slight AU where post-gadreel Sam is living in the bunker with newly human Castiel*

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29. A Crucifixion Without A Christ by angelshotgun

M/M | Rating: Explicit | Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con | Words: 18,501 | Chapters: 10/10

Tags: Angelic Possession, Castiel's Angelic Grace, Major Character Injury, Hurt Sam Winchester, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hell Trauma, Sam Winchester is Loved, Hurt Castiel, Guilty Castiel, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sam Winchester Needs a Hug, voicemail fixit, Post-Gadreel, Trust Issues, Sam Winchester Has a Crush on Castiel, Happy Ending, Schmoop, Hunter Retirement [complete tags on Ao3]

Summary: When Sam Winchester is badly injured on a hunt, Cas has to possess him to keep him alive and help him heal. And though Sam agreed to let him in, Cas is acutely aware of how many times Sam has had his bodily autonomy taken away from him, and how much Cas himself has contributed to Sam's pain. And now that he's inside Sam's head? Well, he tries to be as unobtrusive as possible, but Sam is just... traumatized. And hurting. Maybe, he thinks, maybe this is his chance to put aside his own feelings for Sam to help heal the hurts he had a hand in creating?

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30. Moments of Madness by orphan_account

M/M | Rating: Mature | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,140 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Season/Series 10, ish, Canon Compliant, Enochian-Speaking Sam Winchester, Nightmares, Hurt/Comfort, Trauma From Lucifer's Cage, Protective Dean Winchester, Castiel Loves Sam Winchester, Kissing, Fluff

Summary: It just happens, the first time. Dean's a Demon, and Sam's so alone. The next times?

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31. Blankets by mako_lies (wingeddserpent)

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,212 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Episode: s10e01 Black, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt Castiel

Summary: Sam and Cas try to take care of one another.

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32. Situational Failure (The Chicken Soup Remix) by StripySock

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 2,540 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Season/Series 10, Remix, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt Castiel, Sickfic, Frottage

Summary: There is a fear in Cas that if he lets Sam make himself at home in all of the places that Dean had declined to fill, he will lose the ability to ever refuse it again. Or: Sam is sick, Cas is failing, and Dean is nowhere to be found. [implied unrequited destiel]

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33. Feathers Falling by posingasme

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 13,144 | Chapters: 6/6

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angel Wings, Castiel in the Bunker, Permanent Injury, Protective Sam Winchester, Hurt Castiel, Fever, Delirium, Castiel & Charlie Bradbury Friendship, Alternate Canon, Season/Series 10, Angst [complete tags on Ao3]

Summary: Castiel has been hurt, but he won't reveal how bad it is. Sam distracts him from the pain by reading him classic love stories, and Cas just doesn’t think any of them depict a love as strong as theirs.

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34. Since When Does Sam Have PLANS? by Fae-and-night (goodgirlgonegeek16)

Gen | Rating: Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 343 | Chapters: 1/1

Summary: "Dean’s POV on Sastiel, late seasons Sastiel, the ‘mistaken for a couple’ trope.

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35. Keep You from the Gallows Pole by Fallynleaf

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 7,337 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Alternate Season/Series 10 Finale, Mark of Cain Cure, Charlie Lives, Implied Unrequited Destiel, Implied Unrequited Wincest, Implied Wincestiel, Asexual Relationship [complete tags on Ao3]

Summary: Season 10, if it were the love story of Sam and Cas.

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36. Episode 199.5 by posingasme

Part 1 of Before 200...

Gen, M/M | Rating: Teen+ | Graphic Depictions Of Violence | Words: 56,473 | Chapters: 20/20

Tags: Mark of Cain, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Stolen Grace, Protective Dean Winchester, Demon Blood, BAMF Castiel, Sam Winchester on Demon Blood, Alternate Angel Lore, Canon-Typical Violence, Torture, Dean Winchester Bears the Mark of Cain, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Guilt

Summary: Dean is dealing with guilt, and fear of losing control to the Mark again. Castiel has new Grace, but eventually, it will burn out just as before. Sam just wants a fresh start all around. Life in the bunker is getting a bit...crowded. Memories and tempers are boiling over, along with something that has been heating up for a long time. Things get nasty when an old foe comes for Sam, and it's all hands on deck.

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37. Wingman by posingasme

Part 2 of Before 200...

Gen, M/M | Rating: Teen+ | Graphic Depictions Of Violence | Words: 65,222 | Chapters: 21/21

Tags: Spoilers, Mark of Cain, Dreams and Nightmares, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Psychological Torture, Canon-Typical Violence, Dean Winchester Bears the Mark of Cain, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Self-Destructive Dean Winchester

Summary: Now that Sam and Castiel have been honest with one another, and Dean has given his blessing, the two are forced into the awkward stage of figuring out where to go from here. Dean is still battling against the Mark, and his anxiety manifests in various ways, some of which are healthier than others.

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38. Sentimental Iterations by fabella

M/M | Rating: Explicit | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 33,370 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Future Fic, Season/Series 11, Season/Series 10, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Betrayal, Deception, Winchester Style Death (Not Typical Death), Semi Curtain Fic, Resolved Sexual Tension, Anal Sex, Rimming, Bottom Sam, Oral Sex, Sam is a big damn hero, Castiel-centric, Human Castiel, Big Brother Dean, Angst, Hurt Sam Winchester, Mental Instability, Sacrifice, Brother Feels, Grief/Mourning [complete tags on Ao3]

Summary: Castiel learned everything he knows about devotion from the Winchesters. In this peaceful future built on the back of Sam Winchester’s most recent sacrifice, Castiel discovers that death itself can be overcome. If he’s willing to pay the price. [Notes: Set after season 10. An entirely different take on season 11.]

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39. Sam's Room by NobleHouseOfBlack

M/M | Rating: Not Rated | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,864 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: No Dialogue, Nightmares, Sharing a Bed, Platonic Cuddling, Feel-good

Summary: Sam's room in the bunker didn't seem like his room. He slept there occasionally but there was nothing that would indicate he lived there.

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40. The Devil’s Gonna Let On That You’re In The Details by sahwen

M/M | Rating: Not Rated | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 3,055 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Lucifer Possessing Castiel, Post-Episode: s11e10 The Devil in the Details, Episode: s11e14 The Vessel, Post-Episode: s11e14 The Vessel, Season/Series 12, this fic spans across a lot of time, Hook-Up, Sam Winchester Has Mental Health Issues, Trauma, Protective Dean Winchester, Supportive Dean, Post-Possession

Summary: Sam and Cas have been hooking up casually for a while when something feels off to Sam. He’s sure it’s just his mind playing tricks on him.

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41. Loved by the Devil, loved by an angel by N_13

Part 1 of Of this damned reality

M/M | Rating: Mature | Rape/Non-Con | Words: 3,076 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Rape/Non-con Elements, Abusive Relationships, Angst, Dubious Consent Due To Identity Issues, everybody needs a hug, and therapy, Hurt/very little comfort, Unhealthy Relationships, No really every relationship in this is fucked up on some level, Hurt Sam Winchester, Season/Series 11, Lucifer Possessing Castiel, Enochian-Speaking Sam Winchester

Summary: Cas has loved Sam for quite some time. Then he said yes to Lucifer and everything went to hell.

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42. Heartbreak is Savvy and Love is a Bitch by Cuda (Scylla)

M/M | Rating: Mature | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 2,405 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Lapdance, Light Dom/sub, Dom Castiel, Sub Sam Winchester, Sensation Play, Post-Episode: s11e14 The Vessel, Implied/Referenced Torture, Sam Winchester Deserves to be Happy, Safewords, Sam Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Sam Winchester is Bad at Self Care, Castiel's not the most experienced dom, Established Relationship, Light Angst [complete tags on Ao3]

Summary: Castiel and Sam work on some fractures in their relationship. A gentle attempt at sensory play goes awry, leaving them scrambling to ratchet things back up to normal. Part of the 2020 Supernatural Kink Bingo.

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43. Thirty Years too Late by hyperbolicfae

Gen, M/M, Other | Rating: Teen+ | Rape/Non-Con | Words: 2,770 | Chapters: 2/2

Tags: Hurt Sam Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Castiel, Aftermath of Torture, Implied Mind Rape, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Protective Mary Winchester

Summary: Mary Winchester has rescued her son. She’s just thirty years too late. Or: The aftermath of Sam’s rescue from the British Men of Letters

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44. whore of babylon by angelszn (artbabe)

M/M | Rating: Mature | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 2,465 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Infidelity, Movie Night, Sam Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Floor Sex, Non-Penetrative Sex, Drinking, Dubious Consent, Past Rape/Non-con, Guilt, Gift Exchange [contains background destiel]

Summary: “Dean is a good man, and I love him. But sometimes, I…” Cas licks his lips. “Sam, I’m afraid.” Sam should leave. He should walk away. He should run. But his body is heavy and wine-drunk, his head spins at what Cas might be hinting at. “What are you afraid of?”

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45. The One You're With by gracerene

M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 5,397 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Unrequited Wincest, Unrequited Sastiel, Platonic Sex, Friendship, Sexually Inexperienced Castiel, Fuck Or Die, Curses, Frottage, POV Sam Winchester, Season/Series 12, Hung Sam Winchester, Present Tense

Summary: Sam knows better than to touch anything in the bunker that looks even the slightest bit suspicious. And yet…

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46. Wins & Losses by Threshie

M/M, Multi | Rating: Teen+ | Major Character Death | Words: 17,384 | Chapters: 8/8

Tags: Temporarily Dead Castiel, Heartbroken Sam Winchester, Comforting Dean Winchester, Sharing a Bed, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Sastiel, Wincest, Wincestiel, Poly Vee With Sam Pivot, Cuddling & Snuggling, Men of Letters Bunker, Angst with a Happy Ending, Touchy-Feely, Grieving Sam Winchester, Idiots in Love [complete tags on Ao3]

Summary: A few months after Sam and Castiel start dating, the angel is killed. Still reeling from the loss of his best friend, Dean can’t just sit and watch Sam’s heartbreak slowly pull him away, too.

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47. Now I am here by Matthew1972

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 13,728 | Chapters: 5/5

Tags: Friends to Lovers, Asexual Relationship, Literal Sleeping Together, Sharing a Bed, Feelings Realization, Hugs, Boys Kissing, Case Fic, Monster Hunters, Crime Scenes, Angst, Blood, Hurt, Pagan Gods, Magic

Summary: Castiel and Sam have come to another nameless town to free it from the claws of a dark and ancient power. As they work the case their friendship grows stronger, changing into something more or does it? This, here, now… brings the confirmation they each needed.

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48. Something Good by posingasme

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 5,876 | Chapters: 4/4

Tags: Food Issues, showtunes, Sleep Deprivation, Hurt Sam Winchester, Sick Sam Winchester

Summary: Everyone deals with their losses in their own way, and Sam prefers to work things out on his own. But his angel friend can’t stand on the sidelines as the hunter wastes away in pain. Sam may have had a complex past, but an angel’s love is proof that he must have done something good.

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49. Something to Talk About by Fae-and-night (goodgirlgonegeek16)

Gen, M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 777 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: mentions Castiel but he's not actually here, Bunker Era, Dean being a big brother, telltale hickies, Love Bites

Summary: To be honest, Sam thought it took Dean way longer than he would’ve expected to figure he and Castiel were together.

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50. Lois by posingasme

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 4,195 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Superman References (DCU), Awkward Crush, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings

Summary: Jack discovers the joy of comic books, and reminds Castiel of a time when Bobby Singer called him Superman. And Dean had an opinion about who his Lois Lane was.

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51. Happy Ain't a Two-Story Victorian, But it Might Be This by Cuda (Scylla)

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 3,382 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Episode: s14e15 Peace of Mind, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fake Marriage, Mind Control, Mind Manipulation, Dean Winchester Tries, Family Issues, Jack Kline & Dean Winchester Bonding

Summary: Sam and Castiel have been on a mission to an Arkansas hamlet, and they haven't checked in. When Dean and Jack trail them to a quiet street in Charming Acres, what they find is nothing like either of them expected. To be honest, cleaning out a nest of vampires might be easier than this, but Dean's going to give it the old college try. Whatever that means.

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52. Milestones and Misunderstandings by klove0511

Part 2 of Milestones 'verse

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 2,711 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: mildly homophobic!Mary, inappropriate anniversary gifts, protective!Dean, Sam Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Season/Series 14, Fluff, Tumblr Prompt, Oblivious!Dean

Summary: There is something different about Sam and Cass. The lingering stares, the intimate touches. The careful whispers and secret smiles. Dean knew it. He was going to get to the bottom of it, one way or another.

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53. Stricta Dormire by klove0511

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | Major Character Death | Words: 3,583 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Temporary Character Death, Fairy Tale Type Death, Established Relationship, Hurt Sam Winchester, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hell Trauma, Season/Series 14 Spoilers, Sad Dean Winchester, Sad Castiel, Grief/Mourning, True Love's Kiss

Summary: When Sam is hit by a spell, Cass is the only one that can save him. Meanwhile, Dean is grieving his brother, unaware of the struggle going on within Sam’s mind.

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54. Roadhouse Rough by posingasme

Gen, M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 12,738 | Chapters: 10/10

Tags: Curtain Fic, Alcohol, Hurt Sam Winchester, Retired Hunter Sam Winchester, Bartender Sam Winchester, Permanent Injury

Summary: The last tangle with the last archangel ended with an act of spite, from which Sam will never recover. Lucifer’s bitter parting gift to his wayward vessel means Sam’s forced retirement. He runs the hub from his very own Roadhouse, and watches over a powered-down nephilim, while a weakened but recovering Castiel hunts at Dean’s side. It’s a rough life, but someone’s got to do it.

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55. Familiar Spirits by Cuda (Scylla)

M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 6,619 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Wisconsin - Freeform, The Beast of Bray Road, References to Norse Religion & Lore, Season/Series 15, Monster of the Week, Case Fic, Sastiel Secret Santa Exchange, Sastiel - Freeform, Sastiel Secret Santa 2019

Summary: Fills in a little gap of time between 15-7 and 15-8. Sam's on the hunt for Eileen, and winds up on a case in the middle of Wisconsin in December. What seems like a straightforward case of werewolves gets out of hand, when the werewolves turn out to be something Sam's never encountered before. It's Castiel to the rescue, but in the middle of the night in a refrigerator of a forest, one wrong move could be the last one they ever make.

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56. a rock with a hole in it by De_Nugis

M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 11,052 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: faerie - Freeform, possibly in some way a Canadian shack fic, except Faerie, Consent Issues, animal death (hunting), Unrequited Destiel, Soulless Sam Winchester, POV Castiel

Summary: Castiel walks back into Faerie with Sam's soul in a jar in his pocket.

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57. Right Now by spideybegins

Gen, M/M | Rating: Teen+ | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 1,512 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Hurt Sam Winchester, Comforting Castiel, samcas, Sastiel - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Season/Series 15, Angst, Crying Sam Winchester, Don’t Look at These Messy Tags, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, no beta we die like men

Summary: The one where Cas hears Sam crying and realizes he’s been avoiding the youngest Winchester for much too long. Set somewhere in season 15.

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58. It’s Good to Be Here Again, With You by raisinghellonstarbug

M/M | Rating: Gen | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 2,240 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Canon Compliant, Reunions, Mentioned Dean Winchester, Fluff and Angst, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Sharing a Bed, Season/Series 15, Episode: s15e07 Last Call

Summary: Sam is missing Castiel and doesn't understand why he left. He knows Dean has something to do with it. But then he shows back up just in time before Sam's in real trouble.

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59. wishing too hard for them to stay by angelfishofthelord

Gen | Rating: Not Rated | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 1,727 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: Episode s15e17 coda, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst, One Shot, Season/Series 15, Season/Series 15 Speculation, POV First Person, POV Sam Winchester [complete tags on Ao3]

Summary: You tell me you’re doing to die, and I don’t yell at you. Instead I say, “Let’s go for a walk.”

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⚠️ Unfinished Fic - last updated in 2013

60. Of Blood And Water by lovedsammy

M/M, Gen | Rating: Mature | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Words: 20,081 Chapters: 7/?

Tags: 8x23, Fallen Angels, Post Season/Series 08, Hurt/Comfort, Family, Romance, Angst, fallen!cas, Hurt!Sam, Hurt!Cas, Slash, stigmata!sam, Stigmata, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, AU, Season/Series 9 canon divergent, Friendship

Summary: Now AU to season 9! Post-8x23, "Sacrifice". Both of them were wounded, broken, in need of repair; both of them had done things in the name of the greater good and had ultimately failed and caused something or another to bend and break and destroy upon itself. They'd both wrecked themselves to achieve an end, and in turn wrecked others. But they couldn't have been more than two opposites on the end of the spectrum that somehow aligned at the middle-point, and now there was no going back.

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💜💀🖤 Self Rec 💜💀🖤

(because this is a list of my favs, and I wrote it for me)

61. grief and husbands on the interstate by ladygizarme

M/M | Rating: Explicit | No Archive Warnings Apply | Words: 2,787 | Chapters: 1/1

Tags: background wincest, background wincestiel - Freeform, they're a polycule but they're sam-centered, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Rimming, Bottom Sam Winchester, Spit As Lube, Wound Tending, Episode: s14e01 Stranger in a Strange Land, part coda, Part fix-it, Polyamory, Anal Sex

Summary: En route from Detroit back to the bunker, Cas makes them stop at a motel. Sam is exhausted, and so is everybody else. But right now, Castiel's priority is Sam, and he knows just what he needs. Part coda, part fix-it to 14x01.

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wellofdean · 13 days

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Just wanted to split this off from this post about why Mary Winchester is excellent because it's getting so long, but I wanted to respond to these tags from @kayliemalinza :

#sometimes i feel people hate john for reasons that while valid in our universe less valid in the spn universe#but mary gets it way worse#<-- prev tags yessss#also doing the math wasn't she like 28 when she died#i'm glad they didn't recast and of course samantha smith looks her own age#but mary is in fact YOUNGER THAN SAM AND DEAN AT THIS POINT#they are not children#and the tags copied above i think explains so sos ooo much#bc so many fans glommed onto dean because of similar family issues#and that means they are struggling as much as dean is in s12#and just can't disconnect that quite yet#but god#GOD how she struggles with that emotional intimacy#she was raised as a hunter you don't think she's chockablock full of maladaptive coping mechanisms too?

Because I whole-heartedly agree with this. John Winchester was not a good father in some major, major ways, and Sam and Dean had a childhood straight out of a...well, a horror/fantasy genre show...but I think people forget that Sam and Dean also do truly love John and truly are more or less at peace with their memory of him later in the series, and there has to be a reason for that, too. It's not that he's a mustache-twirling villain; it's complicated. He loved them, but he wasn't always able to do it right. They love him, but he hurt them and made the what they are, which is a double-edged sword.

It's really natural that we all identify with Dean, and get angry at people who hurt him, but I think it's important to realize that Dean processes his anger about Mary leaving pretty quickly, because it's not really anger and resentment, it's confusion, disappointment and hurt. And I think Dean is grown enough to own his own feelings, and able to accept that she needs time and space, and he's not such a child that he isn't capable of separating his legitimate feelings from her legitimate needs. It takes him time, but he gets there, because, and this is another conversation, Dean is really very reflective and emotionally intelligent, actually.

I also do agree that a lot of fans, in identifying with Dean, map their own feelings about their parents onto Mary, and dislike her for reasons that have nothing to do with the story being told on Supernatural, which is essentially a very healing one. Since I'm a Gen-X old, and the mother of an adult son, I actually had a pretty different experience, and as much as I love Dean, in this storyline, I identified a lot with Mary.

On the one hand, she has to be so proud of her two big, beautiful, brave and heroic sons, but at the same time she does not know them! They don't need her, and they are trying to protect her from the things she feels they should have been protected from, and at the same time, as adult men who are still, in some way, motherless boys, they are hungry (especially Dean) for her to be something that she never had a chance to grow into. I loved it that her own exigencies were too strong to LET her stay. I loved that she could not accept the role of mother that had been stolen from her, and could not sit still to let it just kind of settle on her shoulders.

It made me think that (aw yeah!) there was a difference between John's sainted white nightgown conception of his dead wife (his motivation to be what he was), and Dean's memory of her as the cutter off of crusts from his sandwiches, or the mother that he comforted when she was sad, and he was just a little man. I'm so glad that Mary turned out to be so much more than that. She is a woman with her own competencies, her own damage and baggage, and her own ideas about how to make things right, who doesn't agree with her sons all the time, who makes mistakes, who fucks the wrong guy, still loves her problematic husband, and can't actually cook, thank you very much. I love that her own disorientation and her own will are so strong that she really can't allow who she actually is to be subsumed into the communal role of 'mother'.

I think that socially, we don't really think about what we ask of mothers, or how hard we judge them. We underestimate what they give up of themselves to satisfy that role. My son was born when I was really young, and fellas, IT WAS HARD under more or less perfectly normal circumstances, to make the transition from being just me to being a mother. My magnificent son is amazeballs, and is a human being that I am so fucking proud to have made out of my very own actual body and raised to be the excellent human he is, and we are really close, but I was not always prefect, and even now when he is a grown adult, I still chafe against the perception of me as 'his mother' and not just ME all the time. One of the very greatest things about my son is his incredible ability to let me live, and make space for the fact that I am also a person, and not just his mother, and I am so, so grateful to him for that, so....

Yeah. As much as I didn't want to see Dean hurt, I LOVED Mary, and love that they wrote her as her a full human being and not a tropally perfect mother. I loved seeing her as a flawed parent that deserved her adult children's understanding and mature love, who deserved her own space and her own processes. What's more, I loved seeing Dean process his feelings about her, and seeing him become a son who was capable of loving a real human woman who happened to be his mother. So... yes. I love her.

Mary Winchester forever. A+.

#Mary Winchester #Supernatural #spn #dean winchester #sorry y'all for another long ass post about this #but #I just have a lot of fucking feelings about Mary ok?

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azrael08 · 7 months

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So, I was on my daily re-watch of 15x08 and I got to the part of the episode where they catch Michael and do their whole interrogation scene. Was watching the part where Dean starts saying to Adam “There’s nothing we can say to fix that-” and then Adam gives him the look and says “How about, I’m sorry” yes yes very sad, but I’m about to make it hurt more.

I noticed that Adam dead-stares Dean in this scene, when Michael puts him in control earlier in the scene he’s like normal Adam, fair-going and happiy-ish. But when it gets to this part he just looses all that and just lets his words really get through to Dean (and Sam off screen).

But then Dean does this little pull back thing and call me crazy but that totally looks like the classic ‘Dean, I can’t admit my actual feelings, Winchester’ face.

Taking in Adam’s words face:

Realising he can’t say I’m sorry face:

Don’t get me wrong, I do think Sam and Dean regret leaving Adam in the cage but they’ve forgotten about him, or at least they thought he died in the cage but it’s only now that Adam is actually here in front of them that they want to do the morally ‘right’ thing and say sorry. But they can’t, not truthfully, because Adam will always be a reminder that John Winchester failed them at being a parent. That he was unfaithful to them and Mary and lied to them everyday.

So that’s Dean’s realisation in this moment right. And Adam probably saw that realisation by looking at Dean’s face. But then before he can say anything else Michael forcefully takes the front seat again.

I mean look at this sequence:

“Enough.”

Mans is in distress

And the fact that we haven’t seen Michael take control of their body like this before, never this aggressively anyway, leads me to think that something is different about this moment.

My guess is that when Adam realised Dean wasn’t going to apologise and own up for his and Sam’s actions, he got this overwhelming wave of emotion. Mainly disappointment, he knew that his brothers were awful and doesn’t forgive them for leaving him behind but he was willing to. He was willing to get some closure about their actions but they weren’t, and that’s hurts. Michael probably saw these thoughts, heard them, heard exactly how much underlying anger and pain that Adam had been hiding and it was all just now bubbling to the surface.

So Michael - the notoriously emotionally stunned Archangel he is, who already hated Dean viscerally - quickly wanted to calm Adam down and ease the pain that was going to explode any second but now Dean’s upsetting Adam!? Michael probably freaked and just shoved Adam to the back seat while he took control. Which is why his reaction was so extra because he didn’t tell Adam he was taking over he just did. Because he didn’t want Adam to hurt anymore than he already has.

Like even Dean knew something was up, he looks them up and down and turns away like “nah, Adam’s boyfriend gone crazy y’all I’m out”

#midam #midam spn #adam milligan #michael spn #supernatural #this ended up longer than I originally planned #once again I’m back on my bullshit #these bitches get gayer and gayer the more times i rewatch them #desperately tagging cause I need this to reach the right people #spn 15x08 #spn #spn rewatch #adam spn #spnblr

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highfunctioningflailgirl · 24 days

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Damage Control - 2x04 Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things

Sam doesn’t know what’s worse - the pain in his broken hand or the pain he feels when he hears Dean say: “I was dead, and I should’ve stayed dead.”

It shocks him so much, he cannot move. He knows he should do something - lay a comforting hand on Dean’s shoulder, on his leg, maybe even take him into his arms, even if Dean fights it. He should at least say something. Anything. He certainly shouldn’t just lean against the Impala’s hood watching his big brother cry right next to him.

But he can’t move, can’t talk, can barely breathe. Of course, like Dean, he’d suspected that his brother’s miraculous recovery hadn’t been natural. That, with the Colt gone and a demon involved, it’s feasible their father had struck some kind of deal. He isn’t even that shocked that Dad may have paid for Dean’s life with his own. John Winchester had been a terrible father, and he’d messed them up nine ways to Sunday. But he had loved them. Especially Dean.

But Dean thinking he’s responsible for their father’s death, that he doesn’t deserve to be alive in his stead - Sam can’t fathom the abyss that’s opened up in his brother. He can’t see through that kind of darkness.

“Dean…” he says helplessly and fizzles out again, his face twitching, his hands not knowing what to do.

Dean sniffs, then wipes his sleeve across his face, clears his throat and pushes off the Impala’s hood. “Come on, let’s go, get that hand of yours checked out,” he declares, car keys already in hand.

“But Dean…” Sam blinks at him, incredulous and a bit nauseous.

He’s met with a determined stare from slightly reddened eyes, Dean’s face reassembled into a hard mask. “Come on, Sammy, get in!” he says and waves at the passenger door. “That gimp paw of yours needs fixin’. How did it happen anyway? That revenant chick beat your sorry ass?”

Yup. Dean Winchester is back, impenetrable shield of snark up and running. Secretly, Sam’s relieved. They’ll need to talk about this, later, when his hand is no longer throbbing and he’s processed Dean’s dreadful confession enough to come up with a response. Now is not the time. Now doesn’t have words.

xxx

Two hours later, hopped up on pain meds and with a tired ER doc wrapping a plaster cast around his re-aligned metacarpal fracture, Sam’s almost sure Dean didn’t say what he thought he’d heard him say. His big brother is standing in the hallway just outside the treatment room, laughing and chatting up a pretty nurse. He looks completely at ease and confident, eyes twinkling, his Casanova smile exposing his straight white teeth, and even with his opiate-muddled vision Sam can see that the nurse is completely charmed by what she sees.

Dean makes some stupid saucy remark, and the nurse coyly brushes her hair behind one ear. Dean leans down to whisper something, and she blushes, smiling.

Cocky bastard.

There’s no trace of the broken-down, hurting brother from a few hours ago. It seems like a bad dream - Dean crying, utterly forlorn, and looking at Sam with those haunted eyes.

Dean’s earlier warning to Neil rings in Sam’s head. “When someone's gone they should stay gone. You don't mess with that kind of stuff.” What had their father messed with? And what had his decision done to Dean and to that stupid guilt complex he carried around like a cursed trophy?

Sam’s too drugged to feel the true weight of Dean’s words right now, and he’s glad that he is. Hell, give him all the drugs if it means he’ll forget the look in his brother’s eyes and his desperate question.

“What could you possibly say to make that all right?”

Nothing. There’s exactly nothing he can say.

“Alright, you’re all set.” The doctor releases his arm and snaps the plaster-smeared gloves off his fingers. “Let that dry for a minute and I’ll go and get your prescription and your paperwork. Then you can leave.”

Sam looks at his hand. The cast extends from below his elbow to his knuckles, his thumb splayed out and immobilized. Hunting’s going to be a bitch until he gets that thing off again.

“Thanks, doc,” he says nevertheless.

“How long will he need the cast?”

Dean has wandered back into the room, a scrap of paper in his hand that surely has the pretty nurse’s phone number written on it. He puts it into his pocket. The nurse has disappeared.

“Six weeks,” the doctor answers, sliding past Dean. “Then a few weeks of PT and he’s good as new.”

Dean uses two fingers for a grateful salute that the ER doc acknowledges with a nod. Sam and Dean both know that there will be no physical therapy beyond Sam massaging his own hand and practice-shooting beer cans, but there’s no need to communicate the Winchester way of recovering from an injury to the medical professional. They’ll make do, and he’ll be fine, as usual.

“You ready to go, Captain Hook?” Dean grabs Sam’s abandoned jacket from a chair and helps Sam into it, leaving the right sleeve dangling empty.

Sam scowls. “It’s a cast, Dean, not a hook.” He’s slurring his words a bit.

“Who cares. You’re a gimp.” He grins, eyes sparkling mischievously. Hard to believe he’s been crying desperately only hours ago. “In any case, no wanking for you for a while. Sorry, lil’ bro.”

Sam scoffs. “I’ve got two hands.”

“Yeah, and with your luck, you’ll break the other one too, just tryin’.” The shit-eating grin is back as well.

“Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

So this is how it’s gonna be, Sam thinks blurrily as the doctor returns with a prescription for pain meds and his release papers. They’re just not going to talk about it. They’ll move on. Dean will stew in his feelings of misplaced guilt and worthlessness in silence, and Sam will be too much of a coward to address them. Dean will drink more than usual, and Sam will keep an eye on him and make sure it’s not too much. Time will hopefully heal both his broken hand and Dean’s broken… whatever it is that’s broken inside him. It always eventually does. It has to.

“Let’s get out of here.”

Sam feels Dean’s steadying hand against his back as he leads him through the maze of hospital corridors back outside, to their car. Sam drops into the passenger seat, cradling his bandaged hand like a foreign object. A dull ache pulsates underneath the heavy plaster, kept at arm’s length by the morphine still coursing through his system. He feels leaden. His damn heart feels leaden.

Sam looks over at Dean, now stoic and quiet in the driver’s seat. Did that conversation really happen?

“I was dead. And I should have stayed dead.”

Leaning his head against the side window, Sam closes his eyes. All he wants to do right now is sleep. And forget.

The Damage Control Series - Masterlist

Read the whole series on AO3 here:

#spn #supernatural #fan fiction #fanfic #2x04 #children shouldn't play with dead things #coda #missing scene #the damage control series #hurt sam winchester #emotionally hurt dean winchester #sam winchester #jared padalecki #dean winchester #jensen ackles #angst #hurt/comfort #sam's broken hand

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samanddean76 · 3 months

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Supernatural (TV 2005) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Bobby Singer (Supernatural), John Winchester, Jack Kline Additional Tags: Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester First Time Having Sex, Birthday Fluff, Birthday Sex, Protective Dean Winchester, Emotionally Hurt Sam Winchester, Love, birthday wishes come true, Pre-Series Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Post-Series, all the feels, Top Dean Winchester/Bottom Sam Winchester Summary:

Sam always tried to make Dean's birthdays special. Until he no longer could. But Dean knows a thing or two about bending celestial beings to his will, and he decides that his final birthday wish should be honored.

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scoobydoodean · 2 months

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Just like in 3.10 “Dream A Little Dream of Me” and 5.07 “The Curious Case of Dean Winchester, in 5.15 “Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid” we have a situation where Bobby is (potentially) in danger, and the brothers split up to deal with it. Sam chooses a path that distances him from Bobby (solo research), so that, as I’ve mentioned before, he doesn’t have to risk being there to see it if something goes wrong. Sam and Dean just had a conflict with Bobby over Karen, and there’s potential for that conflict to get worse. Sam doesn’t have to worry about the emotional component or conflict with Bobby if he focuses on the job. Dean goes to Bobby’s house alone to watch over him—even if it’s from the salvage yard—thinking Bobby won’t want him inside. He opens himself up to the potential for strife or conflict—getting emotionally hurt.

#pk rewatches spn number ?#5.15 #5.07 #3.10 #sam and bobby #dean and bobby #sam and isolation #dean the narrative heart #the hearth of the house

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zepskies · 28 days

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hi zep!! i hope your day is going well 😊 i wanted to ask and see if you could give some tips for writing Dean (more specifically in the Midnight Expresso verse), i love that series and i need serious tips on how to capture Dean 🙏

Hey there lovely Becca!! I'm doing great. I hope you are too! 🥰

Aww, thank you so very much for reading the Midnight Espresso verse!! That series is very personal and special to me. (I actually have yet another story rattling around in my head for it.)

However, my approach to writing Dean Winchester remains the same across the board, whether it's the Espresso-verse or regular canon. It's just a matter of how he'll react in certain situations based on his personality. I try to keep a few points in mind:

Dean is gruff, but he's still playful.

He can be cocky and teasing, especially when he has a partner he can be comfortably himself with (my own headcanon). I think he'd often be teasing, in that insufferable, endearing way of his. 😏

But if he's grumpy and serious, which he can also be at times, then I've had a lot of fun with making the reader tease him out of it, being warm and playful until he cracks. 😂

I did this recently in "A Little Danger." (Beware minors, there be smut.)

Dean is naturally a giver.

I think we can all agree on this. And in particular for the Espresso-verse, that reader is a giver as well. I wanted to match Dean with someone who dotes on him, takes care of him the same way he takes care of others, like Sam.

Dean's not used to being the one who's taken care of, which can either cause some friction, or take him by surprise in a good way, followed by intense gratefulness.

He's got a gruff exterior (another aspect of his personality I love), but he has a soft interior when it comes to the ones he loves. 💓

He wants to make sure "they're okay." Whether that means making them a home-cooked meal when they have the time for it in the bunker, or being a generous lover.

Dean is a protector.

He can be physically protective, even when he knows you can protect yourself. Not in a misogynistic way. That's just who he is. He protects Sam the same way, even though he's a complete and utter badass, just like Dean.

But something I touch on in the Espresso-verse is my own headcanon -- that Dean is also emotionally protective of his partner.

He cares about how she sees herself when her ex brings up trauma from her past. (The story is called Show Me.) Dean cares about how comfortable she is with him, and if she's falling into bad mental habits of the past. 💞

Just as she's one to be his emotional safety net, he provides the same comfort, safety, and security for her.

Dean doesn't see himself as worthy.

This is also a common trait of Dean's that many of us explore as writers. In general, he can be self-deprecating and less than positive about his own self-worth.

In fairness, he's done some messed up shit that's taken him to as close to "monstrous" as you can get, but he's always been able to bring himself back to as much of what makes him human as he can (with Sam's help).

In the Espresso-verse, she's helped him curb this idea -- that "he's not good for her." That she's crazy to stay with him, especially with all the shit he and Sam get dragged into. He's scared of one day being the reason she gets hurt.

And yet, this is part of what makes Dean a good man.

Thank you for your question! If you want any additional headcanons/tidbits on Dean, just let me know. I love these kinds of questions. 💕

#ask me stuff #how I write Dean #dean winchester headcanons #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #midnight espresso #espresso-verse #dean winchester x latina!reader #dean winchester x plus sized!reader #dean winchester x plus size!reader #dean winchester x poc!reader #dean winchester x female reader #supernatural #spn #zepskies answers

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dontlikeconflict · 4 months

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Based on S11EP13 Love Hurts (in which a supernatural creature called a Qareen appears to you as the person you desire the most, in an attempt to steal your heart)

TW: internalized homophobia, derogatory terms, John Winchester being a shitty dad

AO3 link

Dean's ready for it, he knows the bastard is around here somewhere and all he has to do is find it and kill it (or at least hold it off until Sam finds its heart, and stabs the damn thing)

He and Sam had been theorizing over who it might appear to them as, joking over childhood crushes and celebrities, but as the creature came into sight Dean's heart sunk. Some part of him knew who it would be, but he thought maybe if he didn't allow the thought to take hold -if he kept the idea in his peripheral vision, not looking directly at it- that it wouldn't be true.

but now the manifestation of his desire was staring directly at him, and it couldn't be ignored.

"Hello Dean"

The gravelly voice sounded the same as it had a hundred times before. The downward tilt to the corner of his eyes was the same, as was the slight skew to his blue tie. It was exactly as he saw Cas, in his mind's eye.

"oh don't try to be cute, I know exactly what you are Qareen"

He didn't want to have to try to kill this thing as it flawlessly imitated Cas, but at his words, the creature allowed its head to softly tilt to the side and his - its - eyes to slightly narrow. An expression that was so painfully Cas, that Dean was torn between pain and anger.

"I understand, Dean" the creature speaks, stepping slightly closer to the large work table that separates them

"is that right?" he responds, trying to focus on anything other than how much this thing looks like Cas, having to remind himself that it was an illusion, despite the tight feeling in his chest that always seemed to respond to the other man's micro-expressions.

The creature continued forward toward him "The longing in your heart? I feel it too"

If only the circumstances had been different, if only this was Cas, the words might have felt like a relief instead of so painfully raw.

"well that's touching" Dean began, as he tried to subtly move toward a knife wedged into the wood of the workbench "considering you don't have a heart. Considering... you're not Cas"

Dean didnt know if he was saying it aloud for the creature, or just to reassure himself. So that when he inevitably plunged a knife into this thing, he would know the expression of pain didn't truly belong to his friend.

"who I am doesn't matter" A small smile graced Cas' lips " The real question, is who are you?" Cas' eyes looked at Dean the way they had so many times like he was trying to understand him; like he thought if he stared long enough he could unravel the enigma that was Dean Winchester.

"what do you mean, who am I?" Dean trying to inch toward the knife, but the Qareen was tracing his movements

"You're a mystery. I can see inside your heart" They are both moving in sync, both so aware of the other " Feel the love you feel"

the use of that word causes Dean to stop in his tracks, and the creature stops with him "Except, its cloaked in shame"

and that's it isn't it? what it's all about. Dean has never been one to shy away from romantic feelings. Whereas one could describe him as emotionally constipated in almost every other area, romance had always been the easiest one, and even if he got turned down it never really affected how he approached potential partners.

But Cas was different. For starters he wasn't human, a factor he had gotten over a while ago but something that at the beginning had always been in the back of his mind. Back when Cas still spoke like an angel, 'raising him from perdition' and then subsequently threatening to throw him straight back to it. But it had been a long time since that mattered, a long time since he viewed Cas as Other in that way. and yet there was something so trivial yet so big that held him back. Cas was a man, his vessel was at least. And no matter how many people he meets, how much he grows and changes, his father is always there.

Throw away comments about 'pansys' and 'queers' and much harsher words that Dean doesn't even like to think. He can still remember his father watching the news and tutting at why "they have to go and get married, why can't they just stop shoving it in everyone's faces".

It felt wrong even back then, and Dean knows his father was wrong. Knows that even though he loves him, that he was an asshole on his best days. But the idea of people looking at him and thinking all those horrible things, the knowledge of what his father would think of him if he could see him now, always held him back.

When he spent too long looking into Cas' eyes, when Cas touched him and he felt himself light up, when he said something that sounded slightly too affectionate, he would feel his father's shame like a weight dropping down onto him.

He knew that he and Cas had something, that they shared a "more profound bond", as the angel had put it. But he could never get past the shame that lurked within him.

"when it comes to this" the creature continued, looking down at the shape it had taken, lifting a hand to Cas' chest and rubbing across it "You can't help yourself, so why fight it?"

To hear these words in Cas' voice; it was almost too much.

The creature was stalking its way forward "Just give in"

Ah, see that was just enough. That was so unlike Cas, to ask him to give in to anything, to not kick and fight the whole way as he always did, that it knocked Dean's mind out of its self-loathing and allowed him to act, to plan.

"yeah, you know what? You're right" suddenly feeling more confident that this was just another monster, just another hunt

"The real Cas, he does have a hold over me" It was the closest he had even come to admitting what it really was "but you... are nothing but a cheap imitation"

the creature was almost close enough to rip his heart from his chest, so he acted and did the first thing he could think of. He picked up a metal table to the side of him, holding it up like a shield just before the creature's hand burst right through the metal as if it were paper.

funnily enough, this felt more like Cas than the creature had been before, reminding Dean of when they first knew each other and Cas would constantly startle Dean with effortless strength. Holding a pipe Bobby swung directly for his head or lifting an entire anvil up as if he were holding a pillow.

Dean was taken out of his musings by the threat of losing his head as the creature pulled its arm free and he had to leap away rolling over the top of the workbench, just before the Qareen's hand went right through the thick wood. The way it moved was very stiff, not very artful, clearly not used to having to work physically for its food, used to victims presenting themselves eagerly for the face of their desires.

Then Dean's eyes caught on the knife he had been inching toward earlier, and he made a grab for it swinging haphazardly for the imitation of Cas' face, only to have his hand grabbed firmly, the creature squeezing at his arm until he was forced to relinquish the blade.

He was then shoved against the wall, held in place by Cas' large hand at his shoulder, the other raising, ready to push through layers of skin, muscle, and bone, to rip his heart straight from his body. Dean had no time to be scared, but if he had time to reflect he would have thought that dying to Cas' hands wouldn't be the worst way he could go.

but then it all stopped, the creature froze before stumbling back. Cas' face twisted in pain as it began to shake and scream before the body began to dissolve into smoke, and it all collapsed into a central blue light, almost like a star.

and then it was gone. And Sam was calling his name.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not much had been said on the ride back to their motel, mostly focusing on cleaning up their mess, and driving home the victim. But now they were packing up their few things into duffel bags, getting ready to drive back to the bunker.

As Dean was shoving clothes unfolded into his bag, Sam's voice came from behind him "So you gonna keep me in suspense here or what?"

Dean continued to pack, hoping Sam wasnt asking what he thought "About what?"

"Who was it?" Sam was prying, he seemed casual about it, still moving between the bed and his bag as he grabbed and folded each item

"it, uh" Dean began to speak before he even knew what he was going to say. The truth? Or some half-baked lie about Daisy Duke batting her eyelashes at him before she lunged for his heart? but a calm almost washed over him as he allowed himself to be honest.

"it was Cas."

"huh." the was a pause where Dean felt like he truly could throw up "Does that surprise you?"

all his fear turned incredulous "That doesnt surprise you?"

For a moment the shame from his father came back, and the idea that something about him looked gay came into his mind. What if everyone knew? like it was something they could just tell about him. But Dean had to mentally remind himself that this was Sam, that his Dad was a bigot, that his dad hadn't been around to judge him for a long time now.

"Honestly?" Sam said, as if his answer was obvious

"Honestly." Dean parroted, his defensive nature rising up "What you seriously think Cas, the poor excuse for an angel that dresses like an accountant, is my deepest desire?"

it felt wrong to deflect, to be hurtful about Cas just because he was afraid, but the words just fell out.

"he isn't?" Sam responded simply

"No!" Dean's voice pitched up at the end of the syllable, and it sounded like a lie, even to his ears. "He cant be."

"why not?" the blunt way Sam was addressing him wasn't helping the rising panic in his chest

"Why? Because that means I'm-" The words get stuck, he can't say them, especially when he knows how he'll sound as they come out of his mouth. The Qareen was right, he's still ashamed.

"what Dean?" Sam's voice is soft, like he knows exactly what Dean is thinking, like he wants to say it for him so he doesn't have too

But Dean has to be the one to say it, he knows this. He attempts to steel his expression, but as the words come out he knows he sounds afraid "It would mean I'm - " Queer, a pansy, an embarrassment "Gay"

Even though they both knew what he was going to say, Sam's face changes to one of soft surprise "Dean, Did you honestly think that something like that would matter to me?"

Dean didnt know what to say. Logically he knew it wouldn't, but some part of him felt like it would somehow make him less of Sam's tough older brother, like somehow he would be letting him down, as irrational as it sounded

Sam took Dean's silence as a sign to continue "Look I know Dad had some stupid ideas about this kind of thing, but you gotta know that he was an idiot"

some old part of Dean wanted to get annoyed at Sam for speaking out against their father, for disgracing his memory, but the feeling wasn't strong enough for him to act on right now.

"you need to know that... you and Cas" his little brother, so smart seemed like he had no idea how to put his thoughts into words "it would be okay"

the words Sam settled on were simple but it felt like such sweet relief, because really that was all Dean wanted. For how he felt to be okay. To not feel like he was wrong every time he let his guard down. every time he let himself want. He didnt quite feel like he was okay, but hearing the words from Sam made him feel a hell of a lot closer to believing.

"Thanks, Sammy" Maybe in another world he could have teared up at a time like this and told his brother how much his acceptance meant to him. But for now, all he could do was give his beanpole of a brother a strong slap on the arm and say "Let's go home", home to where Cas is.

Part two

#destiel #deancas #dean x castiel #dean winchester #internalised homophobia #supernatural s11 #season 11 #team free will #sam winchester #john winchesters a+ parenting #s11e13 #ficlet #destiel fic #deancas fic #castiel

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