#edit: i have no idea wtf happened with the lay out but i think i managed to get most random extra spaces out

[unclewaynemunson]

Rituals

(AO3 link)

The day after Thanksgiving, Eddie woke up at an unfairly early time because Steve was stirring next to him in bed.

'Whatayadoin?' he mumbled into his pillow. It sounded more like a groan than like an actual phrase, so he was kind of surprised when Steve actually replied to it.

'Can't sleep anymore, just gonna start my day early. You keep sleeping in, alright?' Steve moved to press a kiss onto his temple, and Eddie could smell his morning breath, which should probably be gross, but wasn't – not when it was Steve.

He drifted off almost immediately after Steve had quietly slipped out of the room, leaving him in the darkness. It wasn't anything odd; Steve was much more of a morning person than Eddie. Usually, on days they could both sleep in, he'd keep Eddie company while the sun crept its way upwards into the sky and Eddie kept dozing off and half waking up until around noon; he'd be reading a book – or attempting to do so – or listen to some music through his headphones. Sometimes, he'd just spend his morning watching Eddie sleep, listening to his deep and steady breathing or his soft snores, perfectly content doing nothing. But every now and then, there would be days when he'd get too restless; on those days, he'd get up to spend his morning hours working out and making sure there was an extra delicious breakfast ready for Eddie when he'd finally get out of bed.

This time it was a little bit different, though. It felt like only a few moments after Steve had left the room, when Eddie heard music coming from downstairs. That wasn't like Steve, ever mindful of Eddie needing his silence in the mornings. And it sure wasn't like Steve to listen to this kind of music. It didn't sound anything like the poppy top40 stuff he'd usually blast; it was too far away for Eddie to make it out properly, but he thought he heard violins, playing some chipper but clearly classical melody.

He rolled over to his left side and saw on the clock that it was only slightly past 7. With a groan, he turned around to his other side, trying to catch some more sleep and leave Steve doing whatever the fuck it was that he was doing downstairs. But he couldn't shake the feeling that something was off – that something might even be wrong – so after only a few minutes, he decided to let his restlessness get the best of him and got up. He put on Steve's letterman jacket over the washed-up tee he used as pajamas and descended the Harringtons' staircase while rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He still had to get used to this big, fancy house; they didn't spend enough time in the place to make it feel like a home to Eddie, both of them preferring Wayne's cramped old trailer over the creepy desolated rooms in the big house.

Eddie followed the sound of the music until he came into the living room, where he encountered a kind of chaos which he was used to from himself, but definitely not from Steve.

'What the fuck?' he mumbled under his breath.

Cardboard boxes were scattered all around the room as if Steve was planning on moving away, while Steve himself was nowhere to be found.

Just when Eddie was about to peek into the box closest to him, he heard footsteps behind him. He turned around to see Steve emerge from the door that went down into the basement, with another two big boxes balancing in his arms.

'Shit, sorry, did I wake you?'

'I heard the music,' Eddie admitted.

'Fuck, I'm so sorry Eddie!' Steve seemed a little bit more distressed about it than necessary and placed the boxes on the floor to turn down the classical music, even though that obviously wouldn't make much of a difference now that Eddie was already out of bed anyway.

'No problem, don't worry 'bout it,' said Eddie. 'But what the hell is going on here?'

Steve walked towards the window and looked out over the garden with his hands on his hips. It was looking kind of gloomy outside: the sun hadn't fully risen yet, wrapping everything in dark shadows, and the gray fall weather gave the mostly dead flowers a ghostly appearance.

'You can go back to sleep Eddie, it's fine. I didn't wanna bother you.'

Eddie took a few steps towards Steve, the fluffy carpet tickling the soles of his bare feet. 'You're never bothering me,' he said, while resting his hands on Steve's shoulders. They felt tense under the fabric of his jumper. 'And I'm already wide awake anyway.'

Steve still didn't look quite into his eyes. 'It's just... It's stupid, really.' He combed a hand through his hair, the way he always did when he was nervous or something was off.

'We always used to start decorating first thing in the morning after Thanksgiving – my mom and me, I mean. She'd put on the music and we'd get all the boxes from the basement while dad was God knows where, and it was – we were happy, the two of us together. She'd make me hot chocolate and watch me to make sure I wouldn't fall off the chair I climbed to get the lights up high. It was always ours, that morning after Thanksgiving – until she started following my dad around on all his business trips and forgot that she had a son waiting for her at home.' He grimaced and shrugged, as if he felt guilty for being bitter about it.

Eddie could picture it clear as day: a much younger, smaller Steve, with a bright smile on his chubby face as he disentangled a string of lights while his mother hovered around him, for once in a year succeeding in making him feel like everything was okay, like it was normal that his dad wasn't there with them.

'I know you don't celebrate Christmas,' Steve continued, 'You don't even like that shit, so I didn't wanna – I don't want you to feel obliged to help me with this. But I just – I still need to do it, every year, like I did it with her. The Messiah on full volume, getting all the boxes from the basement, hanging the lights everywhere... I'm sorry. I know it's pathetic.'

'Stevie...' Eddie took another step closer, wrapping Steve's hands in his own, until Steve finally looked into his eyes properly.

It broke Eddie's heart, thinking about Steve all alone in that house year after year, hanging the lights by himself, listening to music that wasn't his, trying to cling to a time that had long passed.

'Is that why you insisted on sleeping here last night?'

Steve nodded, still looking like he was ashamed.

'I know it seems weird and sad, but I – I actually love it. It's kinda cathartic, you know? It's like, my own stupid ritual.'

Eddie wrapped his arms around Steve's waist to pull him closer.

'You wanna decorate together?' he asked.

Steve huffed. 'I know you don't care about that.'

'Don't say that, man,' Eddie protested. 'I care about it if you care about it. I like all your weird rituals, okay? I wanna share those things with you. And I don't want you to be decorating all by yourself. I wanna do that shit together – it'll be fun, just like when you helped me and Wayne prepare for Sukkot at the trailer and Wayne wouldn't shut up about history and symbolism and all that shit.' He smiled fondly at the memory.

'So why don't you blast that – what was it called?'

'The Messiah. It's Handel.' A hesitant smile was starting to soften Steve's features.

'Blast your Handel. Let me help you untangle those lights. Put that tacky reindeer together while I make us some hot chocolate. And tell me all about how you used to decorate with your mom. 'Kay?'

'Are you sure?'

Eddie placed a kiss onto Steve's soft lips. 'Sounds like a perfect morning to me.'

🎄

 From that year on, they always decorated the house together, when the first sunlight crept over the horizon on the morning after Thanksgiving. After a few years, they stopped decorating the Harrington home, and instead filled their own place with lights and tacky reindeer decorations. Steve got Eddie a huge Menorah to make up for the abundance of Christmas crap, and Eddie bought something new to add to their collection every year – he made it a challenge to find something even uglier than the last time each year. One time, Steve got both of them matching Christmas hats, which became a recurring obligatory wardrobe item for their yearly decorating sessions. And every year, without fault, they blasted the King's College Choir's rendition of Handel's Messiah, until Eddie could hum along to the whole thing without even thinking about it. They managed to take the good memories of Steve's childhood and add something to it that was their own, making it even better. And Eddie loved it. He would never become a Christmas fan, but he loved this new ritual that was theirs. And maybe, one year in the future, he would dare to give Mrs. Harrington a call and invite her over for Christmas.

#strangerthingsfestivefun #steddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #christmas #don't mind me rambling about stranger things #fruity ficlet #edit: i have no idea wtf happened with the lay out but i think i managed to get most random extra spaces out #sorry if that was annoying to read idk why the hellsite does this

[spicysoftsweet]

summary: gojo’s tired of you resisting him

warnings: home invasion, noncon, degradation, fem!reader

a/n: this was supposed to be a crumb for @mahitopegger i have no idea wtf happened. i didn’t edit this || reposted from sideblog (now deactivated) on 4/17/2021.

It was only after the soft click of your door, and the eerie silence thereafter that seemed to threaten to close you in, that you realized that something wasn’t quite right. Your eyes darted left, then right, and you kicked off your shoes slower than usual, setting them semi-haphazardly to the side of your entryway.

Even if you weren’t paranoid, you were still the type of person to double check, sometimes triple-check your locks on occasion before you left your home, and you did remember your key turning the right way just seconds ago.

Maybe you were overreacting - after all you lived in a relatively safe area, alone save for your cat with a propensity to mewl for food at all hours of the day. Ah, that was possibly the issue, the fact that your little furry friend hadn’t made his presence immediately. But he knew how to be quiet sometimes, and was fond of an early afternoon nap.

The sound of your keys clattering on your coffee table now seemed unceremoniously loud, like you were disturbing a religious service. In your own house.

Your heart started to race for just a moment, and you turned around quickly.

Nothing. No person, no ghost, no cat. Just you, a sudden sense of unease, and your rapidly beating heart.

Why were you so anxious?

You couldn’t recall the last time you’d felt so unsettled for the moments in which you paced down your hallway, ears tuned to the soft footfalls of your presumably sleeping companion. You would have whispered its name but you didn’t want to wake up the needy little bastard unnecessarily.

It was only three paces in that you stilled suddenly, and the memory of the last time you’d felt this way suddenly struck vividly in your mind.

Clear blue eyes, bordered by long, pale white eyelashes. A smile, once easy and bright, with corners turned up far too high into malice.

You froze.

Was it him? Was Gojo in your house? He wouldn’t... would he?

Your last encounter had been... suboptimal, to say the least. You’d all but told him to get lost, that you weren’t and would never be interested, not after knowing who he was, what he was.

You needed a quiet, calm existence. Your imprint on the world would be measured. You had to stay away from bad omens like his.

But his reaction had been unnatural. He hadn’t given you a real response, just a smile, and you had felt just as unnerved then as you did now before you parted.

You were clearly still spooked.

But these nerves were just vestiges of your anxiety. Gojo knew how to take no for an answer. Of course he did.

He didn’t - you opened your bedroom to find the young sorcerer waiting for you, your cat comfortable in his arms.

“Ah! You’re back~”

Gojo didn’t move; rather, he continued to sit in his relaxed position, legs outstretched onto the bed, palm stroking softly at the soft orange fur. The soft purr of the docile animal filled the air with sharp contrast to your wordless mouth, opening and closing once in shock, and the frenzied beat of your heart.

He smiled before his eyes did, and shifted on top of your covers, getting to his feet. Dressed casually in a white t-shirt and a loose pair of sweatpants, as though he’d been lounging around your house the entire day... as though he lived here.

“W-what are you doing here?”  You choked out.

His eyebrows furrowed, and his hold on the little creature relaxed, who remained for just a moment, mewing once before jumping off his lap, brushing by your legs that felt as though they would start shaking any moment, and then promptly sauntered out of the room.

“You didn’t tell me you had a cat,” Satoru remarked, now sitting with legs criss-crossed on the bed, hair mussed and relaxed, and with affect as bright as a child on his first sleepover. He patted the space on the bed next to him, beckoning you to come sit. “Did you have a good day?”

“Gojo, please get out of my house.”

His expression darkened for just a moment before it returned to its natural cheeriness. He patted the space next to him again.

“You must be tired. I can make you something. Tea?”

Your feet were glued to the ground, neither advancing nor retreating.

“P-please leave,” you repeated, more wary this time. Your hands were starting to shake and you watched his eyes flicker to them, then back to your eyes.

“Why would I do that?” He said, tilting his head ever so slightly.

His eyes bore into yours and you felt your stomach turn.

“Don’t you like my attention?”

“Satoru, please,” you continued, your lower lip wobbling inadvertently. “Please, just leave... I won’t tell anyone you came here, just... I can’t return whatever feelings you have, so just go.”

Your fists clenched and unclenched, but you still were so tense, planted onto the floor as though you were a sharp dagger thrust into vulnerable flesh. Why weren’t your feet moving? You should be running. Running as far as you can from this man who could just as easily become a monster if he so pleased.

As though he knew you’d already become powerless - not that it made a difference, the power differential was already so vast - he rose, walking towards you in an open, unguarded stance. He wasn’t afraid of you in the least. The very thought made your blood boil.

Once he stood before you, towering over your shorter, smaller frame, his lips pursed.

“Stop shaking.”

It was a command, given in an annoyed but direct fashion.

You don’t know why you eked out, powerlessly, “I can’t.”

“You weren’t this afraid when you were telling me to fuck off a couple days ago,” he noted. His hand rose to grip your chin, tilting your face to him. You don’t know when you’d started crying, but tears were now streaming down your face, warm and wetting his fingers.

“You’re crying? Where’s the sass you had then?”

“Please...”

Against your better wishes, his lips pressed to yours, and somehow then, your body remembered that adrenaline could also make you fight, and you did fight, thumping your hands balled into fists against his chest and his shoulders, as his hand gripped your chin tighter and his tongue forced its way down your throat. Once he’d gotten tired of your struggle, his other arm hooked around your waist, and he pulled you closer, pressing you against his body.

Your screams were muffled by his kiss as it grew deeper, and at some point, he’d decided on biting your lip painfully, drawing blood once he’d threatened you to shut the fuck up before he gave you something to cry about for real.

You remembered that the first time Gojo had kissed you, it had been soft and tender, nothing like this kiss that was violent and demanded submission; once his hand moved from its grip on your chin, it grasped your hair, fingers twisting and tugging to tilt your head back.

His lips left yours, now red and soon purple and blue, and made their way down your neck to mark them the same.

Every scream was futile, every plea for mercy fell on deaf ears.

At some point, you may have heard your cat meow for something... food? Out of sympathy? You weren’t sure, all you could think about were the painful hickeys on your collarbones and traveling down your bosom.

“I don’t know why you’re so resistant. You yourself called me selfish,” he murmured, ripping the top part of your clothing with the nonchalance with which one would peel a banana. At the sight of your exposed breasts, he was like a man rabid, slamming you backwards into the wall without much regard for head injury. His left arm caged you in, while his right pressed painfully onto your breast.

He paused for a moment, and grinned salaciously.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that~! You look so docile... it’s weird coming from you.”

To that, a fire renewed in your eyes, and you spat directly in his face. His lips curled again in satisfaction, barely reacting to the spittle dripping down his pretty features.

“Fuck you.”

“I will.”

With a small chuckle, he jerked your face painfully to the left such that you couldn’t look at him directly as he took your breast into his mouth.

The idea of this bastard suckling on you, loudly, lewdly as though you’d belonged to him only made the churn in your stomach worse, but the desperate attempts to a knee to his chest were met with barely a resistance. Like he knew you couldn’t hurt him and it was only a matter of time until you stopped and succumbed to him.

The process was already happening - you could feel your nipples hardening and a new flow of heat in your panties. Your tears became more prolific - no longer fear, but rage, but the hand that kept you steady against the wall was impossibly strong.

Your head swam as a confused pleasure started to replace the pain and fear you were feeling. More clothing was torn off of you, more of your skin was marked and licked and sucked. Once your panties were ripped to shreds, he lay your now languid and fight-drained body against him, cooing appreciatively at the new helplessness, pumping two slender fingers up and down your wet inner core as he moved you from the hard wall to the soft bed.

You almost thanked him.

His fingers remained within you as he laid you down, but once he withdrew his touch as your pounding hazy head hit the pillow, he replaced them with the roughness of his tongue, penetrating you without the least bit of shame.

You let slip the moan you had been holding in in defiance.

“That’s it, baby, let me hear you.”

He continued to lick and you continued to mewl.

Once he’d tired of the taste of your cunt, he invaded your privacy in the most all-encompassing way possible, pushing every inch of a greedy, throbbing cock inside of you. As you cried from the stretch, he shushed you with a hand clasped over your mouth to muffle your screams.

As if someone was going to help you. Maybe your cat would come and watch, but he’d found something else to do.

“I know it hurts but you’ll get used to it, I promise, babe,” he murmured, groaning slightly as he seated himself to the hilt. “There.”

He stilled and in the silence of the moment only punctuated by both of your soft pants, you remembered how to sob.

His nose crinkled, and he let out of a soft sigh, cock jerking impatiently inside you.

“Why are you so stubborn?” He mused, leaning against you so that his head rested in the softness of your breasts. He could hear your heartbeat that doesn’t beat for him... but rather it did, because he is the one making it quicken in some odd rhythm of terror and pleasure.

You didn’t speak because there was far, far too much to yell.

As though a timer had rung to mark the end of his empathy, he rose onto his hands again, sighing as he adjusted into the plushness of your walls that didn’t reject him as fervently as you did. He moved, shoving two fingers down your throat to gag your renewed protests as he thrust into you repeatedly.

The short gasps with every stroke only encouraged him, and the immense pleasure he found in the light of your eyes starting to fade into a placid dullness.

“You love me,” he informed you with every rut.

You didn’t answer.  

You weren’t sure what this disgusting repetitive sensation bringing your body to climax was. You were no longer sure what he was even talking about, just that there was a warm thing pumping inside of you and fingers down your throat and pain everywhere else in your body, particularly your neck and shoulders and arms and breasts, and you were staring into precious sapphires littering the base of twin lakes.

“You love me,” he repeated. “I know you do.”

#gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #yandere gojo #yandere gojo x reader #tw noncon #jujutsu kaisen smut #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #gojo sm #not sfw #gojo smut #mae.drabble #mae.writing

[literaticat]

Is it normal for agents to do anything an author says, even if that may be damaging to the relationship with the editors they work with? I'm hearing stories everywhere right now about otherwise reputable agents sending legitimate threats, insulting etc. on behalf of (not debuts but not famous) authors who got their ego hurt over editing or marketing things. I always thought agents were more like middlemen and advisors, not, like, idk, lawyers defending at all costs?

Uh... yikes lol whut

I'm not hearing these stories (AND I VERY MUCH WANT TO, so please spill ALL the tea, secretly, I won't post it!!!!)

Here's the deal from my perspective: We are middlemen, kinda, we are advisors, for sure, and we are also somewhat like lawyers (in the sense that, well, we are advising on legal matters in addition to artistic ones, we are our author's fiduciaries, and yes, we do fight for our author's best interests).

But though we play the role of "middleman" we are also ON OUR CLIENT'S SIDE. We are in the position that we can see the publisher's point of view, etc, but as we represent the CLIENT, we work in the best interests of those clients, NOT the publishers. And we want to advise our clients well and give them a realistic lay of the land. (Like "this is not the hill to die on, if you want to keep this deal, let this thing go" or "you know what, this is egregious, and if you want to walk, I'll support you," or "These are your options here, and these are the various ways this could play out, what do you want to do?")

We don't just "do what our clients say" -- we are candid with our clients about what is happening, and what we can potentially do to fix it, and while it IS up to the client to decide what tactic to take, how hard they want me to fight or whatever, or if they are willing to walk over whatever-the-thing-is -- I'd NEVER be like "Oh, I can personally insult and harass this publishing colleague" -- because that's just not in my bag of tricks. If my author wanted me to do that, I'd be like "Uh... no. And also WTF."

I often say that part of my role is "bad cop" -- I want your relationship with your editor to be smooth and lovely and all about The Art etc -- so if there are hard conversations or fights to have, about money or whatever other business things, I should be the one to have them. I don't want any of my authors to be labelled as "difficult" -- if somebody is difficult, it's ME, not them.

That being said -- there are hard conversations, that we have as diplomatically but firmly as possible -- and then there's just being an asshole. I'm not an asshole. The idea that I would "threaten" or "insult" a publisher is absurd on its face -- like, unless you mean "threaten to walk away from an unfair situation/deal" or "tell a publisher a deal is insulting" -- but those aren't THREATS or INSULTS against the publisher or editor... if the situation or deal IS unfair or insulting, those are just facts.

And -- it's business. I'm professional, and I would never make it personal. I can like an editor very much personally and still think that an offer is bad. I can have a "fight" or a tough conversation with an editor and still work together with them perfectly well in the future - I'm doing my job, which is to protect my author. They are doing their job, which is to get a good deal for their publisher. We both know the score, and it should not be personal on either side. Ideally, we meet in the middle, and everyone ends up happy.

Are some agents actually unprofessional assholes who enjoy yelling at editors just for kicks? Probably, yeah. But I'd say that in the long run, they are being harmful rather than helpful, and they should take it down several notches.

Are some authors divas who demand weird things from their agents? Probably, yeah. But I'd say that most agents are well able to stick up for themselves. If a client was demanding something that I didn't feel was in their best interests or could be harmful to them, I'd tell them so, and if they were unreasonable about that, they'd need to find another agent.

[themadauthorshatter]

I said I'd make a post on this, and I want to start 2021 off on a positive note.

These are some headcanons I have if Cal had the two pets I talked about in my cat and dog posts, specifically the golden saint and sphynx cat.

For context, this is somewhat of an AU where Cal lives on his own and something of a pandemic happens. I will also be incorporating stuff like videos and other stuff just because:

After having a really bad nightmare, it was Julian and Anabel that gave Cal the idea to adopt an animal, preferably a dog because of how emotional they are. He turned down the idea because he was ruling Norta. After abdicating, and more nagging from his uncle and grandmother, he gave in and adopted a 3 month old golden saint, a sweet girl he named either Sweetie or Shiloh(he read the book as a child and the name stuck with him.) If I come up with a more creative name, I'll edit this, but for now, I'm referring to the dog as Sweetie.

Cal was surprised when he didn't see Sweetie drool a lot. THAT CHANGED WHEN HE STARTED TEACHING HER COMMANDS.

On nights Cal has nightmares, Sweetie will jump on the bed and nuzzle and kiss him until he wakes up. Works every time.

When he wakes up, he holds Sweetie close and pets her to help pull himself out of the literally nightmare he just experienced.

Sweetie thinks she's a lap dog. Cal has tried letting her know she is not, but apparently it's times like that that Sweetie is deaf because she still tries to curl up in his lap when he's reading a book or just sitting and relaxing.

He thinks it's because she was always around small dogs in the shelter and thinks she IS a small dog.

Whenever Cal eats or writes in his diary/journal or reads or anything, Sweetie will stare at him until he looks at her, ehich will make her tail start wagging.

This has led to them playing peek-a-boo, and it's awesome. Cal will hide and show his face and Sweetie will kiss him because she missed him.

There was an instance Cal fell asleep either reading a book or writing in his diary/journal. Sweetie carefully pulled the book/journal and pencil onto the bedside table, pulled the blanket over Cal's arms, and turned out the lights before joining him.

There are days where Cal is building something, and he still laughs at how the first day went: naturally, the garage door was closed, but so was the door to where he lived(house/apartment, idk you pick). While he worked, Sweetie scratched and knocked on the door. Cal would tell her to lay down and that he'd be back soon, and she'd scratch and knock on the door again. After an hour of whimpering, scratching, and knocking, Cal gave in and let her into the garage after picking up anything that could hurt her. You can only imagine the prance as she carried a toy into the garage with her.

On days Cal has to leave, Sweetie will try to come with him. Cal will gently tell her to sit and wait for him, and she will, until the door's open enough to get her muzzle in. It's usually on slightly off days, and Sweetie is smart enough to know what makes Cal laugh when he's about to snap.

Cal learned the hard way to never play dead with a golden saint after Sweetie turned 1. He wasn't hurt, but she ingored him for almost two hours.

The only times Sweetie ignores Cal are when he gives her some flea and tick repellent, hide her toys, and if he was stupid enough to play dead.

On one such occasion that he played dead, he texted Mare that Sweetie was ignoring him because he both gave her flea repellent and played dead, and has been ignoring him for fifteen minutes at the time of him texting Mare.

This was a video he showed Mare as proof:

(For visualization purposes, Cal is using his phone as a camera and is on one end of the couch while Sweetie is on the other end staring out the window. He is borh kind of laughing, but also close to tears because it's not a woman's scorn that people should worry about; Hell hath no fury like a DOG'S scorn.)

"... It's been a hour, and she's still ignoring me. I gave her some flea medicine, AND A TREAT."

Sweetie's ears perk up, but just for a second before going back down.

"I GAVE YOU A TREAT AND SAID I'M SORRY!😂😂"

More ignoring from Sweetie.

"Yeah, she's... she's not happy with me. At all."

TIME JUMP!

"An hour and twenty minutes. She still won't even look at me. I-"

On the contrary, Sweetie turns her head to him.

"Wha... 😃AYYYYY!"

But then she looks away again.

"Damn it😂😂😅! Come on, I was happy!! Sweetie, I'm sorry!!"

TIME JUMP: PART 2

(Cal now has his camera flipped with a subtitle thign reading, 'It's been two hours now, and she's still mad at me. To show you I am not kidding, I'm going to try petting her and she's going to give me 'WTF are you doing?' eyes.'

Never breaking eye contact with Sweetie, Cal gives her some back scratches.

Like he said in the subtitle, Sweetie looks up at him and stares at him, almost saying, "WTF are you doing?" She doesn't growl at him or wag her tail, but the two stare at each other.

"Are you still mad at me?"

Sweetie gets up and walks away to get some water, and because, yes, she's still mad.

TIME JUMP: PART 3

The camera's facing Cal again with a subtitle that reads, 'THREE. HOURS. I can't tell if she's trying to get me back or if she wants to play.'

Sweetie is behind him and slowly creeping up on him as her tail starts wagging a little bit.

'She has NO IDEA that I can see her behind me right now.'

You know that look of when you feel bad, but you keep laughing because it's KIND OF funny? Cal has that look on his face as Sweetie keeps sneaking closer.

'She'll go back to ignoring me, if I look behind me, but I think she's past that. Just in case, I'll pretend I don't see her.'

Cue Sweetie pouncing and Cal laughing as he falls back, the phone/camera falling with him. We don't see much, but we do see Sweetie's tail wagging.

Not a time jump, but a cut to Cal smiling at the camera as Sweetie lays on his chest sleeping. He points the camera back at himself and gives a thumbs up.

'She forgives me😊'

I know you're wondering, 'Okay, Sweetie's cool and is an awesome girl, but where's the cat!?' To which I say, RIGHT HERE!!

Cal was planning on getting another dog, a friend for Sweetie in case he had to leave home, but at the shelter he noticed a cat that no one wanted: a hairless sphynx that was all wrinkly from being on the defense and only having one black paw. On the ride home after adopting this cat, it curled up into his lap and then climbed onto his shoulders.

It meowed at him when he asked, "What happened to your socks? Did you find a sock or lose the other three?"

Cal was sneaky as hell when he got back because he didn't want Sweetie figuring out and getting territorial.

She figured out anyway. This is the video he took when she did:

(Over the sound of Sweetie scratching on the bathroom door) "You can't come in, Sweeite. Go lay down."

(More scratching and even a sniff under the door.)

"Sweetie, we're okay. Don't worry."

(The cat, which Cal named Fink, meows and paws at him for pets; Cal's warm and Fink's cold. The sound makes Sweetie whimper and scratch at the door harder.)

Cut to outside the bathroom, where Sweetie is constantly between sniffing Cal's hands, shirt, and face from petting Fink and from Fink just being all over him because of how warm he is and smelling and scratching the door, her tail wagging the entire time.

"You smell your brother, Sweetie, huh? You smell him?"

He bursts into laughter when a black paw reaches out under the door and Sweeite freezes before flopping onto her back.

It took a little while for the two to get along, and there were no major fights, as in Sweetie didn't get territorial and snap.

On one occasion Sweetie growled and Fink would swat her on the muzzle as he hissed at her. Sweetie stayed by Cal's side that evening as he tried not to laugh.

Cal came home once to a few surprises: 1. Fink and Sweetie sharing her bed, but not looking at each other. 2. Fink PETTING Sweetie and grooming her before running away. 3. Fink and Sweetie playing tug of war(which made Cal's day because Dink would occasionally stand up on his back legs and it looked hilarious). 4. The two sleeping together, Fink on Sweetie's back.

Note here, this happens if there was a pandemic like the one we're dealing with right now, so it's a good thing Fink and Sweetie are best friends now.

During lockdown, Cal has more nightmares and more 'episodes' during the day. On days, Sweetie isn't helping as much, as in just petting her and her being there isn't enough, Fink will climb onto Cal's shoulders and try grooming his hair. On nights, Fink lies on Cal's chest and watches him sleep. When he starts getting restless, Fink curls under his chin to try to help him. If all else fails, Fink will sneak off the bed and knock over a soap bottle or box of tissues to wake up Sweetie, who barks and wakes up Cal.

Fink hates thunderstorms. They make him pant and have anxiety. It's night like that where he hides under the sheets next to Cal; Sweetie's better at waking Cal if has nightmares during storms anyway.

Mare, Kilorn, Farley, and a few others have Face Time workouts, and all if them have noticed Cal isn't as muscular as he used to be.

They get their answer when they all start working out:

While stretching, Sweetie watches Cal, staring at him. He can't help but smile when she wags her tail

"Can I help you?"

Sweetie creeps up to him and rolls onto her back for belly rubs, which Cal gives her before going back to stretching.

During ine of these stretches, Fink hops onto Cal's back and scares the daylights out of Kilorn.

"What the hell is that!?"

"What?" Cal looks over his shoulder to see Fink. "Oh, yeah, I have a cat AND a dog😁."

Mare and Farley laugh as Kilorn retorts, "That is not a cat! What is it?"

"A cat, and his name is Fink!" At this point, Cal's laughing, too.

"That is the ugliest cat I've ever seen."

"(More laughter) No he's not!😂"

After a few minutes, and finishing stretches, the workout begins with some pushups.

Sweetie keeps trying to sneak in some kisses and Fink's back on Cal's back, but is getting confused because usually he tried hoppong while Cal wasn't moving and only watched him while standing in his back legs.

Needless to say, Cal has to stop to get Fink off his back and Sweetie to lay down somewhere.

Throughout the entire workoit, the pets try to "help" and only end up making everyone laugh.

No wonder Cal hasn't been doing a lot of workouts, he has two animals that just keep wanting to give them love.

Sweetie does help with arm exercises, as in she's the weight Cal uses, and Fink keeps trying to stand and join in.

Workout session ends with everyone laughing, Kilorn reiterating that Fink is ugly and not a cat, and Cal crying from laughing so hard as he repeats that Fink is not ugly.

Fink and Cal have conversations from across the room and house. If Cal is on the couch, Fink will meow from the bedroom for Cal to carry him to the couch.

Cal has SOME sweets every now and then, some because of how he was raised and because Sweetie and Fink kept waiting for him to frop a piece.

Fink is not good with stairs. While teaching him, Cal has had to repeatedly tell Sweetie not to help Fink. She did anyway, and Cal eventually had to keep her in his room when teaching Fink to walk up stairs.

Because he has no hair, Fink has to wear sweaters and coats inside. First day in a sweater, Fink laid on the ground and gave up on life. Cal had to pick him up to help him stand before Fink got ised to the feeling.

Sweetie tried playing, but Fink was not interested.

He was pissed at Cal for the rest of the week, hissing and hiding whenever Cal got too close.

Cal was very upset.

Fink did eventually stop being mad, it just took a while.

AND THAT IS THE POST!!!! I had fun with this fluffy post, and just imagining Cal happy.

I hope you guys enjoyed this, stay safe, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

#red queen #cal calore #tiberias calore vii #cat and dog post #fluff #possibly funny

[schrijverr]

Reacting to Destiel Pictures

Continuing like normal after everything that had happened. Dean has invited his husband, Cas, again to make a video in which take some time to react to picture of themselves throughout the years

Part of the Famous Husband verse, which is also a series

On AO3.

Ships: Destiel

Warnings: none, but tell me if you want me to tag something for you, cause I’ll do so happily without question!

~~~~ ~~~~~~

“I look like a rat, Dean.” Castiel deadpanned.

“No, you were the cutest ever!” Dean replied.

Cas pouted: “You only say that, because you love me.”

Dean gave him a quick peck and said: “That doesn’t make it less true, angel.”

Then the intro rolled, it was a drawn impala that came down the road, it stopped in the middle of the screen and the drawn Dean gave a wink to the viewers, then he sped off again and the smoke was bridge back to the video.

Hi, Hunters! Welcome back.” Dean smiled, “Today I am with my husband, Castiel, and we’re reacting to old pictures of us.”

“Hello, everyone.” Cas greeted everyone.

“Disclaimer.” Dean said, “For anyone confused about the last time we had Cas on the channel. He did not murder me or brainwash me.”

Castiel nodded, but he did stare into the camera for a moment and Dean had used the moment to edit in a light blue glowing gleam in them. Just because he could and it was fun, he liked feeding the fire.

“Are you ready?” Dean asked, moving on. Cas nodded, then Dean turned to the audience and explained: “We have a laptop here where we are watching the photos, but I will display them on the screen here. Sam picked these images, so we both have no idea what is coming.”

The first image came up, it was from their first year at college. Castiel was sitting behind a desk, thick book in front of him. He had a small familiar frown on his face as he tried to concentrate on the text. Next to him was Dean, he also had a book in front of him, but he was looking into the camera and sticking out his tongue.

Both smiled at the image and Dean lovingly said: “Ahw, you were always a little nerd, weren’t ya.”

Cas rolled his eyes with a fond smile and said: “If I remember correctly, you did quite good in school as well.”

“Yeah,” Dean rubbed the back of his head with a blush and shrugged, “what a stable home life can do for you, you know.”

He clicked through to the next picture. This one was a bit older still at college, but they hadn’t confessed yet, despite both being in love. Dean commented that and noted: “How did we not see how smitten we were?”

Cas laughed: “I don’t know.”

In the picture they were both standing in front of a monument of some sort. Dean had slung his arm over Castiels shoulder and had pulled him close. They weren’t even looking into the camera, lost in each others eyes.

Dean told the camera: “This was after our second year at college. We took a trip with Sammy for the summer. He took this pic of us.”

“That was nice, we went to the beach. You taught me how to swim remember.” Cas said.

Dean smiled at the memory. “Yeah,” he said, “you were very cute. I think I used a picture of that in my fake documentary of you. The ones with the bee sunglasses?”

“Oh, yeah I remember that one.” Castiel laughed.

They went on to the next picture. This was from their graduation, they were both wearing the stupid robes. Cas was hugging Dean from behind, resting his head on Deans shoulder as he looked into the camera with a smile. Dean held the arm that was slung across his chest with two hands and also grinned in the camera.

Cas said: “We had been together for three weeks in this picture.”

“Ahw, look at that baby face.” Dean said, “So young and besotted.”

“You still are.” Cas ribbed him.

Dean just melted and agreed: “Yeah, I am.”

He gave Cas a quick kiss, before moving on to the next picture. That one was of their one year anniversary. They’d climbed a mountain together and asked a stranger on top of it to take a picture of them. Cas was on Deans back, his head resting on Deans head. Both were sweating, but they had smiles that took over their entire faces.

“This was our one year.” Dean explained, “We climbed a mountain. I was so tired when we reached the top.”

Cas nodded: “It’s a miracle we stayed up long enough for the picture.”

“Yeah.” Dean laughed, “I had to sit for like an hour, before we could head back down.”

He clicked to the following photo. It was a selfie he had taken to sent to Sam to explain why he couldn’t come to diner that night. He had completely forgotten about it, but it seemed Sam still had it. Dean smiled apologetically in the picture, while an obviously sick Cas was in the background.

Castiel immediately deadpanned: “I look like a rat, Dean.”

“No, you were the cutest ever!” Dean replied.

Cas pouted: “You only say that, because you love me.

Dean gave him a quick peck and said: “That doesn’t make it less true, angel. You are the cutest ever. I remember you wanted to cuddle the entire time, it was so sweet.”

Cas looked guilty and said: “I remember, you got sick the week after.”

Dean ruffled his hair and reassured him by saying: “And you cared for me, very sweetly. You even asked Ellen to make that soup I like.”

They moved on to the next one. It was one of Dean sleeping in the backseat of the Impala, over him lay a familiar trench coat. Dean asked: “Where does this photo come from?”

“I took it, when we were making that road trip.” Castiel answered, “I sent it to Sam, since he had asked how the trip was going. I believe I captured it ‘Going to wake up the angry bear’”

Dean pouted: “I’m not that grumpy in mornings.”

Cas smiled, but didn’t say anything. Dean looked offended, but his reaction was cut out.

The next picture was the same one they had framed above their bed. It was taken at their wedding. Dean was holding Cas in a bridal-carry, both grinning like idiots.

Both couldn’t help the same stupid grin that took over their faces. Dean said: “This was the best day of my life, I think. Never regretted it, angel.”

Cas smiled at him, eyes filled with love and he quickly embraced Dean as he said: “Me neither. My Dean.”

They stayed like that for a moment, just looking at the picture. Then Dean softly said: “I’m so glad I found you, Cas. I can’t imagine my life without you… or Claire for that matter.”

The last part had been edited out, along with the deep and teary kiss the two shared after it.

When it cut the new picture was shown on screen. Cas was standing at the door, coat already on, bag in hand. He was about to leave, but his tie had been crooked, so Dean was fixing it for him. They both had a fond look in their eyes as they smiled softly. Claire had taken that picture a week ago and sent it to Sam, saying ‘Papa and Pops are being gross again’

Dean smiled and wondered out loud: “When did we get so domestic.”

“Probably around the time we bought a house together and fell into a routine.” Cas said, before realizing it was rhetorical, so he added: “I think it suits us.”

Dean thought about his tumultuous youth and nodded and agreed: “Yeah it does.”

Castiel looked at the picture again, then reached for the laptop. Dean asked: “What are you doing, sunshine?”

“I’m sending this to myself, so I can make it my background.” Castiel answered.

Then it cut to the endcard. Dean said: “That was it for today, hope you enjoyed it.”

“I did.” Castiel said.

Dean smiled at him then turned back to the viewers: “Cas here enjoyed it, so leave a like for Cas. If you don’t want to miss out, subscribe and ring that bell. If you wanna watch more amazing Cas content you can click here and you can click here for just me. Which is also fun and just as handsome, but maybe not what you want.”

“Assbutt.” Cas said with an eyeroll.

“Still not a real swearword, darling.” Dean told him, turning back to the audience he said: “Bye Hunters, see you on the road.”

Then the video ended

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I cried at the wedding photo so

cute, my gay heart can’t take it

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dudes, what’s up with the eye

glowy thing at 00:50 scary

angel Cas is back. I’m scared

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I didn’t know I needed Dean

asleep on the backseat under

Castiels coat until now, but

damn did I need it

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

GUYS?? IS NO ONE

WONDERING WHO TOOK THAT LAST PICTURE? LIKE WHO WAS THERE???

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The fact that Dean got sick

because he couldn’t refuse hugs

from his husband is the best

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Alternate title: husbands being

soft and reminiscing

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Wtf? Assbutt? Who came up

with that shit? Fucking whack

bro

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ahw they are so disgustingly

sweet

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Do you think Cass knows bear

also has a different meaning with

the gays? Is he innocent? Should

we tell him??

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dean and Cas: tell us they went

on a road trip

Fanfic writers: WRITE THAT DOWN! WRITE THAT DOWN

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

They look so in love!!!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

#RR writing #supernatural #youtuber dean #destiel youtuber au #dean winchester #castiel/dean #castiel #Destiel AU #married destiel #Destiel #fluff #SPN #spn fanfic #spn AU

[merinnan]

DMBJ Ep 5

We start episode 5 with the Xiaoge Rescue Count at 6 for Wu Xie, and 7 total.

- Pangzi just sitting there eating while they go to dig an evil bug out of A-Ning 

- A-Ning is luckier than Pan Zi, though, having it in her leg rather than in her gut 

- Should I consider this part of the Xiaoge Rescue Count? Technically he is saving A-Ning here, but does she count?

- Fuck it. There's now 3 Xiaoge Rescue Count categories: Wu Xie, the protagonists as a whole, and everyone 

- So the count is now 6 for Wu Xie, 7 for the protagonists, and 8 for everyone 

- That was a relatively painless bug removal. Probably helped that A-Ning was unconscious 

  - That's a large hole left in her thigh. Speaking from experience, standing & walking are not going to be fun for her for a LONG time. 

- But this is a cdrama, so she'll be fine within an ep or two 

- lol, I've never seen an unconscious person with this level of muscle control

- Wu Xie, you don't just wrap a bandage around a wound like that! Dress it first! 

- But, again, it's a TV show, so a bandage will be fine 

- JESUS CHRIST PANGZI 

- LOL, yes, shhhh, Pangzi. Shhhh. 

 - Pan Zi's looking a lot better this ep 

- ...what's wrong, Wu Xie?

- Aaaand he just passed out. 

- Xiaoge actually looks mildly disturbed. I think this is the second most amount of emotion we've seen from him so far 

- That looks like a nasty bite 

- Oh, we're just gonna...feed him blood. That's what we're going. 

- And it woke him up

- Okay, so Xiaoge Rescue Count is now 7 for Wu Xie, 8 for the protagonists, and 9 for everyone 

- Fortunately, Xiaoge hasn't lost as much blood as he did last time he used it for magic rescue purposes. Last thing they'd want is a comatose Xiaoge down here

- Everyone is just so chill whenever Xiaoge does weird stuff, it's great 

- Aaah, I was wondering how he'd been bitten, since I didn't remember a bug biting him. I forgot that A-Ning did 

- That's some odd poison if it got into her saliva just because she had a bug in her leg

- GDI Pangzi 

 - Of course the cure is in the tomb, and of course Xiaoge knows about it 

- LOL, there's a vaccine against the poison gas 

- Oooh, I was wondering when the dudes in the trees were gonna make their move. Poor Wu Xie's friend. He really would have been safer in the tomb, huh

- Hahah, why are the bad guys treating Wu Xie like the leader when he's just a uni student? 

- Ooh, who did that? 

 - Oh, Wu Xie's friend. Good boy. I mean, it was dumb, but brave. Now they can't use you against your friends. 

- Poor Wu Xie is so woozy he's not sure what happened

- Yeah, figured it was some more of A-Ning's friends 

- YOU LOSE CONTACT, & YOU LOSE CONTACT, & EVERYONE LOSES CONTACT! YAAAAY! 

- Get out before nightfall. Isn't that what Xiaoge said, too? 

- Yeah, abandoned in a forest at night doesn't sound like fun

- She should NOT be walking that well, although at least it is showing her limping and in pain instead of just okay 

- God, Pangzi, that was a dick move 

- And that was even more of one 

- Wow. I...don't really like this Pangzi. Those things he just did were actively cruel, even if she is an antagonist

- It's blocked? Yeah, ya think? 

- Oh, STFU Pangzi 

- Pan Zi looking at him like "I really regret not shooting you properly when I had the chance" 

- Xiaoge doing this "stab fingers STRAIGHT INTO MORTAR and remove the brick" trick again 

- The look on Pangzi's face is pure gold

- Had to pause watching for a sec to think about why I'm so mad at this Pangzi and more forgiving of Liu Sang in Chongqi. I think it's because Liu Sang intended to pull a prank. A mean prank, but he lacked the experience to understand that it was actively harmful and dangerous. It went wrong, and then he freaked because of that lack of experience and didn't know what to do/say until Xiaoge pushed him. And then he tried to help make up for it. Whereas this Pangzi did things that he knew would cause real physical pain to A-Ning and potentially worsen her injury just because he doesn't like her, and he doesn't seem to care or even give that a second thought, let alone look like he's going to apologise or try to make up for it. 

- OK, mini-rant over, back to the episode.

- Gratuitous Xiaoge side-profile pic just because

- And now Pangzi is gonna embarrass himself by trying & failing to be Xiaoge 

- YEAH CHENGCHENG I WONDER HOW THEY KNOW YOUR NAMES 

- Okay, I gotta stop to look up his name. I can't keep calling him Wu Xie's friend all the time

- High Shao. There we go

- High Shao is a good kid 

- A-Ning's eyeroll at Pangzi is my entire mood with his antics right now 

- Eyeroll from Wu Xie 

- Can't see Pan Zi's face, but his whole posture is basically an eye roll 

- Oh. Well. Huh. I did not expect Pangzi to actually manage to break the wall

- Judging by everyone's expressions, no-one else did, either 

- Oooh, something bad must be coming, Xiaoge is going on guard 

- Yep. Zombie dude is on his way 

- Yes, send the woman with the serious leg injury to go crawling through a tiny cave tunnel first. Brilliant idea, Wu Xie

- OK, I should stop being so hard on bb!Wu Xie, this is his first time in a tomb after all 

- Y'know, guys, I really think it would have been a better idea to let Pan Zi go before Pangzi, given that he's also injured and all. Get your most injured people to safety first.

- How the fuck is that zombie deflecting Xiaoge's sword with his HAND?! 

- WHY IS IT MAKING TINGING NOISES AS IF IT'S METAL HITTING METAL?! 

- Oh, NICE, Xiaoge! 

- I am very disappointed that I could not get a good screencap of that awesome, smooth, and effortless slide he did through the tunnel

- Things I discovered when I went to YouTube to see if I could get a good screencap of it by slowing down the playback (which I can't do on Viki) 

- the eps on YT and the eps on Viki are edited differently. I'm gonna have to watch this again on YT once I'm done with the Viki one

- At a guess, the YT ones have a bunch of stuff cut, because where I'm up to in ep 5 on Viki is in ep 4 on YT 

- For instance, XIAOGE'S AWESOME SLIDE THROUGH THE TUNNEL JUST THEN is not in the YT one?! 

- Wow, I'm going on a lot of tangents tonight. OK, back to the ep.

- Xiaoge holding the zombie at swordpoint until it gives up and backs away 

- So these zombies have some intelligence 

- ngl, though, if I was on my hands and knees in front of a hot guy holding a sword on me, backing away would be like the last thing I would be doing

- Why the fuck is there a giant, chained up tree deep in the middle of an underground tomb? 

- And ivy all over the cave walls? 

- WHERE ARE YOU GETTING SUNLIGHT FROM DOWN HERE?! HOW ARE YOU ALIVE?! 

- I'm glad you're just as confused as I am, Pan Zi

- OK, some sunlight is getting in, since there are two bodies laying in a conveniently positioned sunbeam 

- Sure, what the fuck are you gonna do to him, Pangzi? He's dead. He doesn't care. 

- Unless he's another zombie who's gonna rise from the grave, but still don't think he cares

- Yes, Pangzi, tomb robbers don't end well 

- Love Wu Xie's cute suspicious face 

- Lucky grab there 

- Oh, there you are, Sanshu 

- Do all the tunnels in this place empty out at this tree? 

- LOL, I love that Sanshu immediately doesn't take any of Pangzi's shit

- That was a bad place to faint 

- Good thing Xiaoge is right there! 

- Xiaoge Rescue Count: 8 for Wu Xie, 9 for the protagonists, 10 for everyone 

- I love how often Wu Xie is the damsel in distress

- Don't worry, Sanshu, Xiaoge will definitely look after his future bf

- Looks like Pangzi is about to fall. Again 

- Pangzi, if you had HELD ON to that vine, it wouldn't have been as bad 

- Wait for him to realise he's laying between two corpses in 3, 2, 1... 

- Uh...I hope they're just stuck to him and not actually sitting up under their own power

- These are remarkably well-preserved corpses 

- THERE'S that realisation 

- And there's the freakout 

 - They did get just get caught 

- They're not gonna have kids, Pangzi, they're dead 

- Pangzi, what are you doing? Leave the corpses alone now

- Wake them? I don't like the sound of that, Sanshu 

- Also, how do you know that? 

- Cute pingxie shots just because 

- In her mouth? 

- Oh, a key, thank goodness. I thought it was gonna be an evil bug 

- Pangzi, stop appraising her necklace, didn't you say you're not a tomb robber? 

- There's fucking what now? 

- HOW?! 

- THERE'S A WHAT IN HER ASS?! 

- Hahah, well that certainly stopped Pangzi from checking out the valuables on her 

- JFC 

- That got Xiaoge's attention 

- Oooh, he's noticed something in the tree 

- Sorry not sorry for more gratuitous Xiaoge shots

- That's a pretty looking key 

- ...and now her corpse is undergoing rapid decay? How the fuck was the key preventing the corpse from decaying? 

- That explanation makes no logical sense, Sanshu 

- Maybe that box the other corpse is holding, Wu Xie? 

- Pangzi thought of that, too

- What were those flashes? Were those just for the viewer, or was one of the characters getting them? 

- That seemed to be the unnaturally bright green-eyed man from the opening credits 

- Leave the sword alone, Pangzi 

- Although I do understand the desire to pick it up

- Uh...what 

- No shadow is NEVER a good thing 

- WTF? 

- Sanshu, I never wanna play poker with you 

- This doppelganger has done a damn good job of acting like Pangzi this whole time 

- When did it replace him? 

- Maybe it was the doppelganger who was so cruel to A-Ning? We'll see.

- That's a very solid ghost 

- And that's kinda creepy 

- Uh...isn't she already dead? 

- Sanshu just going straight for the tackle 

- Clever boy, Wu Xie 

- Though, Xiaoge, where were you? Were you just gonna let Pangzi strangle Sanshu, or did you figure Sanshu had it handled?

- (he did not have it handled) 

- (pretty sure if that had been Wu Xie you'd've jumped in the moment Pangzi's hands went around his throat, if not before) 

- *sigh* Pangzi, pls 

- The Green Eyed Fox? 

- Was that the dude in the fox mask? 

- Probably (also?) the opening credits guy

- How the fuck has it taken me 3 hours to get through half an ep? 

- Oh yeah, I keep going off on tangents and pausing to take pretty screenshots of Xiaoge 

- So we're doing fox demons, are we? 

- Don't touch anything. Yeah, like that sword you had casually slung over your shoulder.

- Storytime! 

- Suuure, Pangzi 

- Xiaoge really seems to know everything 

- Don't rattle it, Wu Xie 

- Oh, that interested A-Ning 

- I wonder if this is the thing that's supposed to cure Wu Xie 

- Sanshu thinks it's a bad idea, but doesn't want anyone other than Wu Xie to know

- Or, more to the point, doesn't want Pangzi and A-Ning to know 

- Good excuse, Wu Xie 

- I wonder if Pangzi is still supposed to be a doppelganger, or if that was part of the hallucination 

- Yeah, suuure you're not going to steal relics, Liu Tai

- Have they set up a new camp at the digsite, or did they take Chengcheng and High Shao back to their original camp? 

- I think he does legit want A-Ning to be ok, though 

- Looks like I was right, all the tunnels lead to the tree 

- Which means I expect zombie guy to show up any minute

- Don't think A-Ning will be happy they kept what happened to her friend from her when that happens 

- Xiaoge back into 'something is coming' mode 

- Oh, how was that for timing? Less than a minute after I said it, zombie dude is on his way 

  - And it goes straight for Pangzi 

- Maybe he knew Pangzi was a dick to his friend 

- GDI A-Ning 

- That's a strong zombie 

- XIAOGEEEEEEE! 

- Xiaoge Rescue Count: 8 for Wu Xie, 10 for the protagonists, 11 for everyone

- Yes, Pangzi, Xiaoge IS amazing

- lol, Pangzi making so much noise cheering for Xiaoge that he got the zombie's attention back 

- Xiaoge Rescue Count: 8 for Wu Xie, 11 for the protagonists, 12 for everyone

- This is apparently the Xiaoge Rescues EVERYONE ep 

- I'm not surprised you fell, A-Ning, with that wound

- That was a heavy fall. Ouch 

- Come on, A-Ning, you seemed more level headed than this so far 

- And the zombie knocks away the easier/closer target, Wu Xie, to target A-Ning 

- Wonder if there's a reason for it, or just dramatics

- And then he stops trying to bite her to kick her away & go back to fighting Xiaoge? 

- Those are some very nice moves from Xiaoge 

- And now the zombie is...launching himself at Wu Xie and the others? 

- Wu Xie being the hero and pushing everyone else out the way

- Pangzi to the rescue? 

- No - A-Ning!

- Poor A-Ning 

- Oh yeah, better pull Pangzi out the tree 

- Zombie spitting up blood as he's dying 

- No, Pangzi, he's not gonna be fine. A-Ning shot him like 4 or 5 times in the chest 

- Aaah, zombie is lucid now

- Wu Xie ain't doing too good right now 

- Those are some nasty bruises. Caused by the poison gas/blood, I'm guessing 

- WTF made you think drinking the water in a tomb chamber was a good idea? 

- Xiaoge's shown emotion a total of 3 times in 5 eps, and 2 of those have been worry for Wu Xie

- Whatcha looking for, Xiaoge? 

- Huh, no-one even thought to look under there, just assumed the box was all that was interesting 

- Kirin blood?!  

- And how did A-Ning know what it was, esp from that distance? 

- Pan Zi, you are like the second most badass person here next to Xiaoge

- Also, I am no longer feeling sorry for A-Ning 

- You owe these people your life, A-Ning, and this is how you repay them? 

- Xiaoge isn't too impressed. After all Pan Zi ain't Wu Xie 

- Oh, that seems like a fair deal. 

- I am pleased with the amount of Xiaoge in this ep

- Xiaoge Rescue Count: 9 for Wu Xie, 12 for the protagonists, 13 for everyone

- Not gonna count his offer to A-Ning as a rescue, since he didn't bother waiting to see if she'd accept before he went ahead and saved his future bf 

- This is the softest I've seen him look all show

- Pan Zi is much nicer than I would have been. I would have probably punched her 

- Then again, they've made a fuss a few times about treating her differently because she's a woman, ugh

- Hahah, Xiaoge just getting up and walking off without any explanation for poor Wu Xie

- Wu Xie seemed so concerned, like he thought he'd done something wrong 

- Then all worried, aww 

- Hahah, Xiaoge not even gonna wait for A-Ning, just gonna go find her guys all by himself 

- Several *thousand*? No wonder Wu Xie's gagging

- Oh, eating super old kirin blood is what made Xiaoge's blood magical? Does that mean Wu Xie's blood is also magic now? 

- Just Chengcheng in danger, Sanshu? What about High Shao? 

- What about climbing the tree? 

- XD XD XD

 - Sanshu saying exactly what I just did

- There's sunlight already coming through, will you even need to dig a hole? That sunbeam on the corpses was pretty big 

- Pan Zi like "of course I can climb all the way up there with a hole in my gut and several other injuries"

- Of course Wu Xie is gonna worry about A-Ning getting out as well. He wouldn't be Wu Xie if he didn't 

- Wu Xie is such a nice boy 

- Pan Zi is also pretty forgiving 

- Pangzi, you just can't take people being sincere with you yet, can you? 

- That's some depressed fatalism there

- Sanshu now doing his part to convince A-Ning by appealing to her sense of responsibility for her men 

 And there we go for ep 5! It only took me...5 hours for a 40 minute ep 

We end with Xiaoge Rescue Count at 9 for Wu Xie, 12 for the protagonists, 13 for everyone

#alicia watches dmbj #dmbj #xiaoge rescue count #wu xie #zhang qiling #xiaoge #pingxie

[rynhaswritersblock]

tiktok famous (hc) - part three | p.p.

summary: you and peter doing various tiktok trends. y'all know the deal

warnings: ultra chaotic writing (i have nine other drafts forgive me i am a tad bit stressed), cussing as always, and HOPEFULLY GOOD WRITING??? oh and yes as always peter being Babey

+ + +

- HI!!!!!! BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THE TIKTOK HCS!!!!!!!

- i got a few requests/ideas from y'all for more tiktoks so here we are

- tbh since so many new trends are constantly coming out i might just make this a whole ass SERIES but we'll see

- who knows if i can even handle that

- btw:: if i forgot one or there's one you really want me to write you can comment it and i'll try to add it to this!!! if it's too long since posted though i'll add it to my drafts <3

- OKAY TIME FOR CHAOTIC ENERGY

- as mentioned in past versions of this series

- tiktok dances are ADDICTIVE!!!

- and you literally broke a goddamn sweat learning supalonely but we're NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT IT

- and you and peter are hanging out one day

- and as all of these ideas happen

- you get ~inspired~ by the for you page

- you set up the camera, flipping it so that it's facing peter and not you

- the lil shit hasn't even noticed that you got up yet what a poop

- but as soon as the music starts playing he raises his head

- you're doing the supalonely dance like a fucking BOSS

- all while pretending to be looking at yourself in the camera

- you don't let yourself stare at the screen so you don't get distracted

- but

- of course

- peter is nodding his beat to the beat, clapping for you, and when you to the body roll thing on "drinking" he lets out a whoop that makes you wheeze

- when you finish you laugh, letting out a sigh and grabbing your phone

"not gonna lie, you ate that."

"i know."

- you sit back down next to him, heart rate in da Clouds, and start watching the video

- petey boi is just sitting there like a puppy, crooked smile on his face as he watches you

- in a few parts he's even doing the dance with you

- and he looks so in awe

- you can't stop watching it and smiling at the screen

- but then the fucker sits down next to you and is like "you should post that it was really good"

- so you show him it

- his face gets all red bc he's babey

"you were videoing me??"

- OKAY NEXT ONE

- so i think we all know the rosa videos

- for the b99 fans: rosa rosa rosaaaaaaaaaaaa

- she's a QUEEN

- and you constantly quote those things like

- every time there's a silent moment you're just like "you're fucking lying let me see" and the whole team (avengers squad) is like ayo stfu

- one day y'all are just hanging in the commons of headquarters

- we're getting the band back together!

- and you start videoing cause you're bored

- you point the camera at peter

"aye dude come here?"

- everybody groans and peter gives the camera a sassy look, tilting his head

"you're gay? i fuckin-"

"language," steve mutters

"-knew it dude!" you smile, zooming in on the camera

- peter gets a confused look on his face

"wait no i'm bi"

- tony effin SHOOTS UP

- sitting like there's a goddamn board in his back

- and he slowly turns his head in your direction

- eyebrow raised

- you bust out laughing and so does everyone else, including peter

- tony's looking around like "hey what the FUCK is HAPPENING"

"stark, you didn't know?"

"NO??"

- lol we stan bi peter parker

- aight BACK TO THE SHITS AND GIGGLES

- so you and peter are obsessed with that quirky tiktok bartender girl who makes all the drinks

- i forgot her name but she's like

we're gonna do 2 ounces so that's 1, 2, 3, 4! we're gonna give it a nice strain! andddd shake shake shake shake! fun, right?

- yk what i mean

- hi it's editing ryn it's her tiktok is like paradise bartender

- and so one day

- jk one NIGHT

- it's like 2 am

- and you and peter are like

- let's make lemonade. but like. Fake Alcohol Version Because We're Underage

- and so y'all run to the kitchen

- you almost crush and die from slipping on your socks

- the two of you and laughing and giggling as you run and around and get all your materials

"where is the fucking STRAINER"

"bitch idk help me find the lemon flavor packets"

- it takes FAR too long but y'all are finally ready

- you start recording and the two of you are already laughing

"hey guys so today-"

"TODAY" he pushes you to the side "we're gonna be making LEMONADE!"

- the two of you keep laughing as you shove each other trying to be the one in charge

- so basically

- peter gets water all over the counter

- some of the ice flies out when you shake it

- the strainer DOESN'T WORK AND ALL THE STUFF GETS EVERYWHERE

- and the small amount that lands in the cup tastes like whispering lemon

- like hella watered down there's like nothing there

- the lemon is SHY

- and then in the last 10 seconds of the video bucky walks in

- and he's like wtf... wait y'all are making lemonade??

- and the three of you end up making lemonade for real and drinking it while watching infomercials

- at two in the morning

- fun, right?

- those videos are so satisfying NEXT TIKTOK

- thank u ritxal for the idea !!

- so our boi PETE HERE

- is hella addicted to those cool pov videos

- and he gets a really good idea even though it would make him a SIMP

- he ends up deciding FUCK IT I'M MAKING ONE

- MY TIKTOK ACCOUNT IS PRIVATE ANYWAYS

- so he sets up his phone and jumps around to get ~~in the zone~~

- feeling stupid as hell

- he films one of those ones where it's the "from the other side" *noise!!!!!!!!* one's yk where the ppl are like "are you sure you want to __?" and it has the yes and no buttons

- you know

- i hope

- and he puts the text on it and shrugs, posting it

- meanwhile you're home and you get the notification that peter posted a tiktok

- obviously you click on it because

- uh

- because

- and you watch it and gasp because the caption says pov and ur like who tf is this man peter never posts povs

- you watch as peter is looking nervously at the camera and text pops up saying "are you sure you want to give up?"

- he presses yes and you're like oh god oh peter wait is this a sign shit FUCK

- a new text bubble pops up saying "do you want to see her?" and you fucking yeLP

- you're like holy FUCK WAIT WHO IS HER???? WIFE???? DAUGHTER?????? HUH!!!!!!!

- and then he presses yes

- and the screen goes black

- you see urself in the screen

- and you basically DIE

- a wheeze so hard that it hurts flies out of your mouth and you IMMEDIATELY PRESS DUET

- you start filming with your phone facing the ceiling and as the beat drops (or whatever when it's like ahhhh!) you pop onto the screen, smiling

- and you're like RANDOM CONFIDENCE BOOST WHATEVER POST

- and then BACK TO PETER'S PLACE

- HE GETS THE NOTIFICATION AND IS LIKE WHAT

- AND WHEN HE SEES YOU POP ONTO THE SCREEN HE'S LIKE HOLY FUCK

- AND SO HE FACETIMES YOU

- YOU ANSWER OBVI

"y/n what the hell"

"did you like it?"

"maybe"

- okay i wanna do another pov one so here we go

- i'm sure everyone here is acquainted with the "they call me tiago.. i don't know who's margo" ones

-  these are lowkey difficult to write out so i'm just gonna lay it out for you as best i can

- really trying here

- so peter posts the boy's voice part ("no no no... they call me tiago. i don't know who's margo? i just hit this lotto" etc etc etc)

- and when it's like idk who's margo he just holds a stare with the camera in like an InTiMiDaTiNg way

- even though he's babey and a literal puppy it actually like.. works

- and when you see it you're like yes so you post the other part (that people never do lol "her name is margo" etc all the female voicing)

- and you hold the stare too and EVEN LIKE RAISE YOUR EYEBROW SUGGESTIVELY AND GIVE HIM THE LOOK IYKYK

- so BASICALLY

- i'm really trying here i can visualize these tiktoks perfectly but GOD if i don't struggle a bit while writing them

PETER'S CAPTION: pov: we're rivals on separate missions but you keep screwing with my plans so i try to intimidate you

Y/N'S CAPTION: pov: we're rivals on separate missions but i found you cute so i decide to mess around with your mission

- OH BY THE WAY THE TWO OF YOU LIVE AT AVENGERS HEADQUARTERS AND HE POSTED "YESTERDAY" SO YOU DECIDE TO POST "TODAY" AND WALK OUT OF YOUR ROOM TO WHERE HE WAS IN THE COMMONS RIGHT AFTER YOU POSTED

- can y'all tell how messy my brain is holy shit

- pls forgive me i keep getting random ideas but IT ADDS TO THE CHAOS SO IT'S FINE RIGHT

- OKAY

- BACK AGAIN

- so you post and walk out and as you turn the corner to the commons you can hear the sound play and have to stop a moment to silently scream

- thankfully no one else was in there except for peter (whose back was to you) otherwise you woulda looked INSANE

- you walk up behind him and smile as he laughs slightly and watches it another time, pulling his phone closer to his face to read the caption

"holy shit," he mutters

- he closes his eyes and smiles and tilts his head back, resting it on the back of the couch (🥺)

"you like it?"

- lol

- this kid SHOOTS UP

- HELLO

"oh my god, y/n, what are you doing"

"coming to hang out with you??"

- he sighs as you come and plop down next to him

"what the hell is this"

- he shows you his phone

"a tiktok"

- he smiles and shakes his head (doing that thing where you like look down while doing it and it's so CUTE)

"yeah. i got that."

- NEXT TIKTOK

- alright guess the scenario

- just fucking guess

- i'll wait

- ...

- you'd best BELIEVE that y'all are chilling at headquarters in the commons rn

- where da HELL ELSE

- and

- like LITERALLY EVERY OTHER TIKTOK THAT I WRITE OUT IN THESE

- YOU AND PETE BE CHILLIN

- AND YOU SET UP YOUR PHONE

- god i'm starting to question if i'm capable of writing literally anything else damn

- peter's in the background of course

- and it's this godforsaken audio i'm sure most of you have heard

- you know the one where it's like fast music and then it goes "mm, yeah" and it's usually accompanied with a video of some really pretty girl fake moaning and like rolling her eyes while pushing up her hair??

- well

- all of that

- everything i just said

- is exactly what you do

- and the thing is

- as soon as peter hears the audio he recognizes it

- are we gonna talk about the fact that peter probably spent at least a whole night watching those videos because 1) girls are really pretty and 2) every time he heard it he could vividly imagine you doing it??????? no??? okay

- so he like

- sits up

- does the thing where he rests his forearms on his knees and leans forward, glaring at you through the camera

- and in the background

- if you're paying attention

- peter FLIPS HIS SHIT WHEN YOU DO THE "MM YEAH" PART

- he tHROWS HIS ARMS IN THE AIR LIKE WHAT THE HELL DUDE I THOUGHT I GAVE YOU SIGNS THAT EVEN THOUGH WE'RE NOT A COUPLE AND WE BOTH KNOW YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE OUT OF SPITE,, DOING SOMETHING LIKE THAT ON VIDEO IS ABSOLUTELY OFF LIMITS!!!!!!!

"Y/N!"

- it's still recording and you turn around and laugh, throwing your head back as he jumps up and grabs you by the waist, pulling you in

- the two of you start play fighting just like elio and oliver from cmbyn (but a bit less steamy yk?? more innocent yet still w a bit of tension yeye)

- needless to say you keep that video in a very special place of your heart

- and so does peter like once the two of you stop wrestling you realize that the video had just been looping behind the sound of your laughter and fighting y'all watch it and it loops a few times while the two of you are silent and he finally goes "can you uh. can you send that. to me. ???????"

- next oneeeeeeeeeeeeee

- thank u lilmissquackson for the idea <3

- so in this one you and petey are dating

- and y'all decide to do the put a finger down challenge lol

- but instead of using an audio y'all decide to switch off coming up with ones on the spot

"put a finger down if your boyfriend tackles you every time you're standing near a couch or bed"

"put a finger down if your girlfriend still calls you dude"

"put a finger down if your boyfriend once webbed you to the wall because you wouldn't stand still when he was trying to kiss you"

"put a finger down if your girlfriend used her telepathic powers to keep you out of her room when she was mad at you"

"put a finger down if your boyfriend took TWO YEARS TO ASK YOU OUT"

"put a finger down if your girlfriend started laughing after you told her you liked her"

"put a finger down if you only started laughing because it TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH"

"put a finger down if your girlfriend showed no signs of liking you before you decided to ask her out"

"put a finger down if your boyfriend is the most oblivious boy in the world"

"put a finger down if you're in love with your girlfriend but haven't said 'i love you' yet because you're scared she won't say it back"

- your jaw drops and turn to him

- needless to say you were very glad to have caught your first "i love you"s on camera

- SIDE NOTE you did not post cause after you and peter watched the video back y'all were both like "we don't wanna be THOSE bitches"

- next one woop

- thank u MrsLillianAmbrose for the idea !!

- okay buds

- so here's the thing

- i hate to under-perform

- but i feel like the best way to get the full effect of this tiktok is to watch it and then just roll with me here

- SOOOOO (if u can)

1) open tiktok 2) search @_tharealjohnnyyy_ 3) go to his account (or it might just show up when you search) 4) and scroll to the "ways to cuddle" video 5) it was posted in february 2020 if that helps give u a time reference lol

- OKAY

- I HOPE Y'ALL GOT TO WATCH IT

- I TRIED JUST PUTTING IT IN HERE BUT WATTPAD WOULDN'T LET ME AND I COULDN'T FIND IT ON YOUTUBE (let me know if one of u does!!!)

- if u weren't able to watch it (i'm so sorry) i'm gonna do the best i can to at least make this entertaining

- WOOP

- so if you could see the tiktok that's really all this is

- you and peter doing literally the same thing

- y'all are giggling in between positions and peter struggles to set the camera up every time it falls

- he ends up just webbing it to the ceiling

- and in the end the two of you fall asleep in the reverse OG position with your fingers playing with his hair 🥰🥰

- i hope that was good enough im sorry AH

- next!!

- thank u Mendesmycam for the idea <33

- okay so y'all know that sound

SOMETHING ABOUT YA GORLL

REALLY MAKES MY HEADDDD WANNA TWIRLLLLLLLLLL

- or whatever the lyrics are

- those tiktoks are SO FUNNY

- AND YOU DECIDE TO COPY THEM

- so you grab a chair and sit peter down in the middle of the room and set the camera up

- luckily for you he has a bag of cheez-its in hand that you plan to utilize later

- babey has a confused look on his face as he watches you press play and he shoves some more cheez-its in his mouth

- the music starts playing and you just about bust out laughing as you walk all around him, running your hand across his chest

- his heart is racing he's like AYO WHAT THE FUCK IS GOIN ON

"y/n what the hell are you-"

SOMETHING ABOUT YOU GIRL

- you practically snap into a weird position

- ur freaking arms are out in front of you and you're on your toes and knees are bent and you're hunched over and it's like

- a very interesting pose

- peter BUSTS OUT LAUGHING

- his eyes are all crinkly as he bends over in the chair

- you just about break but you manage to keep a straight face as you start dancing around weirdly

- needless to say you look like a goddamn CONTORTIONIST

- peter can't stop wheezing

- you make one of your hands in the shape of like the italian man hand this iykyk and fucking SWAN DIVE YOUR FINGERS INTO HIS CHEEZ-IT BAG

- meanwhile peter's STILL DYING

- and you take the cheezits and lean back, sprinkling them all over you (like the popcorn one if you saw that tiktok lmao)

- and the video finally ends and you get to laugh

"y/n what the hell was that"

"i don't know i thought you might enjoy a little entertainment"

- and of course

- that's exactly when no other than SAM WILSON fucking strolls in

- hey how y'all doin'- AHHH (get yo fucking dog bitch! ~it don't bite~ YES IT DO GET YO-)

- sorry got distracted

- and he hears you and his head SPINS ON OVER TO Y'ALL'S DIRECTION

"a little what now?"

- AIGHT GUYS

- LAST ONE

- Y'ALL ARE AT HEADQUARTERS CAUSE WHERE DA HECK ELSE

- this time you're in peter's room though

- and i'd like to imagine this one with the cool led lights because 1) tiktok and 2) i feel like peter would have those in his room

- y'all are just chilling watching hot rod (GREAT MOVIE BTW)

- and

- peter sets up the camera

- not to mention his heart is RACING RN CAUSE HE'S A NERVOUS BEAN

- and he hits record and leans back, letting out a sigh

- you don't even notice his phone literally right there cause you're just enjoying the movie

- a few seconds into the video and petey is like Visibly Freaking Out

- but a funny part plays and you laugh, looking over at him to see if he found it funny too

- he notices you're turning your head so he's like YES I LOOK AT TV HOT ROD MOVIE I AM LOOKING THAT WAY AND WASN'T STARING AT YOU OR THE CAMERA YES THIS IS A FUNNY PART I AM LAUGHING

- and then you look away

- and then he looks at you

- and ever so lightly grabs you by the chin

- and pulls you to him and plants his lips on yours

- finally, dumbass

+ + +

huzzah

i hope u guys enjoyed !!!!!!! ヽ(✿ﾟ▽ﾟ)ノ

#peter parker #tom holland #peter parker imagines #marvel #mcu #spiderman #peter parker x reader #spiderman x reader #fanfic #fluff #writing #peter #parker #thomas holland

[imastrangeone98]

Lost and Found -Chapter 4: Little Star

(A/N: Lolol ok here’s something happy to balance out the weird stuff that happened previously... also, if you think it’s weird now... hoooo boy you got a big storm coming)

(oh and have this song- this and some other choral songs will be a part of this “soundtrack” for this pic)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdZWKnShk80

The birds chirped and flew gracefully in the sky as fluffy clouds floated past. Children laughed and played in the grass as their parents lovingly watched from the shadows.

Everything was serene, the way things always should be. Faith was grateful for it, as it gave her time to reflect.

“You did something, didn’t you?”

The words bounced around in her head, impossible to ignore.

You did something.

She thought back to Ramiel, his face filled with utter horror as she forced the pain into him, watched as he dissolved into nothing, became nothing.

It wasn’t my fault! she tried to reason with herself. He would’ve stopped at nothing to eliminate me; he would’ve hurt thousands more if it meant that I’d be captured.

And then she thought of Dante and Lady. Their expressions of pain and confusion. Of fear.

They were afraid of her.

And if they were afraid... did that mean they were too?

She gazed down at her arms, at the deep scars on her wrists and exposed forearms. Her fingertips brushed over the mark on her neck. The splotch on her back. The bullet wounds on her stomach. The sting in her heart.

Had they thought about her in their final moments? As she stared each of them in the eye, what was running through their minds? Were they scared of her?

Did they resent her?

...They probably did, didn’t they?

And if they did, where did that leave her? She had failed so many times to make people happy, and each time she had failed them made her worse.

Would things have been different if she hadn’t met them at all? Would they still be alive?

Would it have been better... if she hadn’t existed ?

A small wail pierced through the tranquil air. Faith turned to notice a child sobbing just a few feet away, her teary eyes fixed on the fallen ice cream cone.

Her veins filled with sympathy. Poor kid.

She scooted closer to the child and cleared her throat.

No response. Only crying.

She tapped the girl’s shoulder. “Are you alright?” she asked.

“My... my ice cweam!” the little one cried. “Mommy said onwy one and I dwopped it!”

“It’s okay,” Faith soothed, rubbing the child’s back. “I’m sure your mom will understand; maybe she’ll get you another one.” She glanced around for any sign of the mother- none. There was a pinprick of worry somewhere, but it was too far away. “Where is your mom?”

“I- I don’t know!” The girl sobbed harder. “I’m wost!”

“It’s okay,” Faith reassured her again. “We’ll find her. In the meantime, how about I play you a little song? Do you like music?”

The child sniffled, then rubbed her eyes. “Uh huh.”

“Okay, what’s your favorite song?”

She gave it some thought. “Twinkle Twinkle Wittle Star!”

“Alright, let’s see what I can do.” Faith summoned her violin, and began to play.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,

How I wonder what you are!

Up above the world so high,

Like a diamond in the sky.

As she played, a small crowd began to form around them. The little girl smiled, her bright eyes full of joy.

The pinprick of worry that was far away was coming closer.

In the dark blue sky you keep,

Often through my curtains peep.

For you never shut your eye,

Till the sun is in the sky.

Out of the corner of her eye, Faith thought she saw a flash of silver and crimson. The faint idea that she should leave briefly raced through her mind, but one look into the girl’s radiant face convinced her otherwise.

Though I know not what you are,

Twinkle, twinkle, little star.

The song came to a close. There was applause, but Faith didn’t notice; she felt the source of the worry approach, and the little girl beamed.

“Mommy!” She ran into her mother’s arms with a squeal of joy, completely ignoring the older woman’s tears of relief and murmurs of how she was so glad her little girl was safe and sound.

And as they walked away, Faith waved goodbye to the little girl and the mother and watched as their forms grew smaller and smaller, until they disappeared from view.

“Well, that was... interesting.”

Faith wasn’t as surprised as she probably should have been when she turned around to see the two people from the diner, Dante and Lady.

“But I admit,” Dante continued, “I’m more of a rock man myself.”

“Hello,” she said. “I thought I asked you not to look for me.”

“You did,” he confirmed, his finger tapping lightly on one of his holstered pistols. “But if you haven’t already noticed, we’re kinda bad at following orders.”

“Also, you still haven’t told us what the hell happened at Freddi’s,” Lady said. “Who the hell are you? What aren’t you telling us?”

Faith sat there for a bit, contemplating how to answer.

“My name is Faith Song,” she finally said to them. “I’m a nephilim, and I’m being hunted by angels.”

“Like the one in the diner?”

“Yes. That was Ramiel, an archangel of Heaven. There are many like him, and with his death, they’ll be coming after me with more force than ever before.”

“Why did you kill him?” Dante asked, an eyebrow lifted on his face. “You didn’t seem very happy doing it.”

“Yes...” Faith stared at her worn-down sneakers. “Fading them is usually my last resort, but... I suppose you could say I was... distracted.”

“He mentioned someone named Cate.”

She froze.

Cate. They know.

“...Touchy subject. Got it.” Dante couldn’t seem to help but stare at Faith. “You know, I usually have a hard time getting people to tell me things, but you seem like an open book.”

“...Uh-“

“You’re not telling us everything, are you?” Lady interrupted. Her eyes seemed to pierce through Faith, as if she was trying to extricate her past through sheer force of will alone. “Why are they hunting you? Is being a nephilim that bad?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“I think otherwise.”

Faith didn’t know what to say. Why did they want to know about her so bad? Why did she always have to meet people who became so concerned for her?

And why did she always fall for them?

“You can’t know any more about me,” she said, but her voice was shaky, even to herself. “Everywhere I go, I bring nothing but trouble.”

“Seems like you’ll fit right in, then,” Dante said as he flopped down next to her. “Looks to me like you’re just trying to find a place to lay low for a while. You can stay with me in the meantime.”

Her voice stopped working.

“...Wha-“

“Good idea,” Lady announced, sitting on the opposite side of her. “You can keep an eye on her while I do some research on these angel things.”

...What? What was happening?

“What are you- What do you mean...?” Faith stammered, trying to address to obvious impossibility of their suggested idea.

“I got a spare room upstairs,” he mused; he seemed to have completely ignored her. “If you don’t mind a little dust, you can have it-“

“Wait, stop, both of you!”

They turned to look at her, clearly surprised.

“Why... why are you doing this?” she asked. “You just saw me Fade someone, and here you are, acting like I’m one of you! Why are you so open with me?!”

For a moment, neither of them said anything.

Then Dante said, “Look, we get it. You’re lost. You’re scared. You’ve seen horrible shit, and you probably feel like you’ve done horrible shit. We’ve been there.”

“What he’s trying to say is that you’re like us,” Lady murmured, tilting her head slightly to look at Faith in the eye. “We’ve all been through hell. People like us stick together. Also...” She turned back to stare at the fountain, blue-red eyes hardened like glass. “That angel bastard made me feel... God. I thought I’d never feel anything like what he made me feel.”

“You’re gonna have to explain that,” he said as he fiddled with one of his pistols. “What the hell did that guy do to us? This,” he gestured to his gun, “didn’t even phase him.”

They weren’t going away. Faith didn’t know whether to feel relieved or terrified.

“...Maybe later.”

“You’d better. We’re a unit now.”

Her gaze fixed on a small family that was resting under the shade of an oak tree. A father held his son high above his head and swung him around, the child squealing with delight.

A unit...

Faith wondered if she still remembered what that felt like.

———————————————————————

A/N: wtf is this why do I live this sucks ass

Hopefully I can get better- I’m still going over some bumps

Edit: read chapter 5! :D

#devil may cry 3 #dmc dante #dmc lady #dmc oc #lost and found #dante x oc

[shadowsong26fic]

Coming Attractions!

First Monday of the month, woohoo!

(And also kind of a NaNo roundup post because that was last month, after all…)

NaNo:

Sooooo I didn’t finish, lol. Not that I was…super expecting to, exactly, but I was hopeful! I think I just missed too many days in a row and lost all my momentum.

In terms of my goals, I was hoping to write:

1. 20-25k on Precipice 2. 20-25k on our faces like a mirror 3. 10-20k on Other Projects. 4. 50-70k total

In terms of what I actually accomplished:

1. 9,241 on Precipice (Sooooooo....about half of what I’d hoped, a little less. But I still got a fair amount done/prepped for upcoming chapters, plus a couple chapters actually posted, even while doing other stuff, so...go me!) 2. 9,043 on our faces like a mirror (Again, a bit less than half of what I’d hoped for, but I got enough done for the story/etc. to take a real Shape in my head. ...ish. See the specific OFLAM stuff later on in the post...) 3. 10,601 on Other Projects (Hey, I actually met this goal! ...barely, but still! Mostly thanks to the Nikita/Rebels crossover, lol...) 4. 28,885 total

Original Fiction:

I got a decent chunk of a big backstory piece for Lux done (in the form of a “then” and “now” set of scenes/vignettes for the five Archangels)--that being said, I’m not sure I actually like what I have there, lol. I know more or less what I need to cover, but the details are fiddly. Also not sure whether I should refer to Lux by her current name, for consistency’s sake, or use a different name (either Lightbringer or just Lucifer) since she does technically reshape her name after being released when the main Apocalypse storyline kicks off…also debating whether Lux should be/present as female way back when--angels don’t really do gender the way humans do in this ‘verse, but the closest human term for Lux would be genderfluid, sooooo IDK. Also also, for the ‘Now’ part…ehhh, I’m not sure I should have this be the first thing I post involving Trixie…but I’ll keep poking at it and see what comes out.

(I’d also planned to work on the big Kesshare character study saturation for The Farglass Cycle this month, and maybe go back to my untitled first-contact story, but neither of those happened, lol.)

Precipice:

We’re in the home stretch! Kinda. So to speak. Probably three to four more chapters in Arc Seven, which I’m hoping-fingers-crossed I’ll finish by the end of the calendar year??? (But given how much other stuff I hope to work on (see Other Fanfic Projects for more details…)

At that point--and I know I’ve said this before, and I’ll probably put it in an A/N in the next chapter or so, but following the end of Milestones, I’m planning to break off into a second/sequel fic, working title Protectors. This is at least in part because length (over 200k wtf I was anticipating 50-75k, maybe 100k, for these seven arcs @.@), but also was sort of planned even without the Length issue, due to some thematic/structure shifts following a six-year timeskip. Which, if you do the math, you can probably figure out where that’ll land us and why I might be structuring it this way…

Anyway, I’ve increasingly realized that there’s some stuff I should probably set up that I’ll need for later arcs in Part 2 involving some Rebels characters, more with the Last Batch, plus a Sith Apprentice who needs to turn up and die (although the gap between Infernalis and the next apprentice I actually care about/have a name and some kind of Plot for is only about four years in my mental timeline, so maybe there isn’t an active Apprentice in that period*…hmmmmm…), some background about the Hands, etc. But I feel like it’s all a little too disjointed for an entire additional arc. So, Arc 7.5, tentatively titled Preludes, is also going to be a thing XD I don’t think I’ll have a fixed schedule for that vs. the main storyline--and, honestly, it’ll probably work more like a collection of one-shots taking place during the timeskip than a proper Arc, but a little more Relevant than stuff that goes in Bonus Content, if that makes sense? It’ll probably be posted alongside at least arcs 8 and 9. Which, incidentally, take place more or less back-to-back and cover a fairly short period of time, but there is A Lot of plot/setup that goes into them. Like. If I tried to do it all as one arc, it’d be at least twice as long as any of the other arcs I’ve done, possibly including Arc Four--certainly over twenty chapters, I think--plus there’s a good (and by good I mean Horrible) place where I can split the arcs, so…we’ll see how that goes.

(…still not sure what to do with Maul, lol. He may just be Sir Darth Not-Appearing-In-This-Fic, or he might turn up in arc 10/11/13, which are the sort of vaguest of the next seven arcs which make up Protectors, in terms of how much I have planned out…)

(*On a semi-related note, I’ve been asked about Inquisitors a couple times in comments lately, and…well, I’ll probably mention this when I reply to the commenter in question, but I figured I’d set it out here as well, in case anyone else was wondering the same thing but doesn’t read other peoples’ comments. Like I’m pretty sure I mentioned at the start, when I plotted out** the bulk of this fic, I hadn’t seen Rebels yet. I’ve since decided to integrate a few characters/plot points (Kallus and Zeb will feature prominently in a subplot in arcs 13 and 14, for example), but, as a rule, characters and plot points from Rebels haven’t been taken into account unless I Really Like Them and/or they’re a good way to fill in a plot hole in a later arc, as with Kallus and Zeb. So, for example, when I include Thrawn, I’m writing more towards Legends!Thrawn in terms of personality, though the two have blended a bit in my head and I do reference specific events in Disney!Thrawn’s personal timeline; and b) more relevantly, I hadn’t made any plans to include Inquisitors, and that…hasn’t really changed. So, I might have them in Preludes, but they almost certainly won’t show up on-page/be super-relevant in the main arcs of the fic, sorry :/ )

(**Loooool I say “Plotted Out” like I’m the kind of author with a Master Plan or at least an outline. But I did have a general idea of the Major Plot Points going in, such as when Rex and Ahsoka would turn up, Luke’s storyline with Lavinia, how many Apprentices I would need to make them work, etc., and I’ve had parts of Arcs 8, 9, and 14 written for like at least two years now, so I know more or less where I’m going--though they’ll be edited once I have more of the connective tissue in place, in case I’ve accidentally Jossed myself…or I change my mind, which is becoming A Possibility with a major event set to happen in Arc 14, so…we’ll see.)

Aaaaaanyway. Exciting times ahead, I hope!

Other Fanfic:

This month, I finally posted another AU outline, woohoo! …I mean, it was a super-niche Nikita/Rebels crossover with a handful of OCs thrown in but who’s counting XD (I do actually intend to finish Let’s Go Steal a Crossover and update the Ventress one at some point but…yeah).

I also put out a Kallus one-shot that I think turned out really well. May do more of those at some point, who knows…

I made some significant progress on our faces like a mirror, as mentioned above! But now I’m waffling a little bit over structure. Basically, the fic covers Bo-Katan’s backstory from the time Satine becomes Duchess, through the Civil War, and eventually leads to Bo’s eventual break with her sister to join Death Watch. It comes in two pretty distinct halves--what I call the Fugitive arc in my notes, which covers the Civil War, and the Breakdown arc, which is everything after her return to Sundari.

So, my original plan was--prologue covering at least part of the final Epic Screaming Match that leads to Bo’s departure; jump back to the Fugitive Arc; and then follow through until we catch up to the prologue, with a coda/epilogue with her and Pre Viszla. The problem is, there’s…really not a lot to connect the two halves??

I’ve got a couple options on what to do about this, but I’m not sure which would be best.

Option One: Keep the structure as-is and just let it be episodic.

Option Two: Keep the structure as-is and find some way to connect the two halves (i.e., a recurring antagonist; I do have an idea of who this could be, but the problem is, it takes away a good chunk of the focus from Bo and Satine’s relationship for the Breakdown Arc…which I don’t really want to do.)

Option Three: Remove the framing device and focus on the Breakdown Arc, and include the Fugitive Arc as flashbacks, since the Breakdown Arc can’t really stand on its own. (The main issue I have with this one is that, if I want to actually write out future chunks of Bo’s life later--meaning, her time with Death Watch, and getting her from TCW to Rebels--I won’t have these flashbacks and I don’t want to change the structure too radically for any eventual sequels? Also, I’m not sure how I feel about a flashback structure for this fic in general…)

Option Four: Remove the framing device and focus on the Fugitive Arc, ending the story with Bo’s return to Sundari. (Two issues with this one--I really do want to go into the Breakdown Arc; that’s where my interest in this story started. Also, due to the constraints of setting and so on, Bo interacts with…like…two canon characters over the course of the Fugitive Arc? And while I don’t really have a problem writing a story that’s essentially a Backstory Epic for a tertiary character, populated by about 90% OCs, I’m not sure anyone actually wants to read that, except as the lead-in to the Breakdown Arc??? But maybe I’m overthinking…)

…so, yeah. Any thoughts/opinions on which option would be Best? (I may make a separate post asking the same question later, but figured I’d lay it all out here, too!)

Also, I’m working on a Secret Santa project, and probably not going to use OFLAM for SWBB, which means I need to come up with and write a different plotline of some kind, so back to the drawing board on that one…

Also also, I do genuinely plan to get Distaff off hiatus At Some Point, especially since I’ve gotten some new comments/responses lately…but given how much else I have on my plate, writing-wise, that probably won’t happen until next year, alas.

Anyway, the long and short of it is--lots of writing planned for this month! Now let’s see how much I actually get done XD

What about the rest of you? What’ve y’all been up to/what do you have planned for next month?

#coming attractions #miscellania #shadowsong writes star wars #shadowsong writes original fic #shadowsong writes crossovers #shadowsong writes self-indulgent bs #feedback greatly appreciated #our faces like a mirror #precipice verse #nano2019

[realitachifacts]

HCs about Itachi and his dreams, nightmares, sleeping habits and alternate states of consciousness. Does he get insomnia? Anything about parasomnia? Maybe a brief writing about it.

okay i just finished this and wtf it ended up being so long. i am not editing the story so if there are typos or anything sucks to suck for me.

headcanon time! i’m really excited for this one not gonna lie.

itachi has nightmares. many of them. this… makes sense, really, considering traumatic experiences induce vivid nightmares and, actually, blind people have more nightmares (though the difference is much slighter that that of the average person if you become blind later in life). 

i’m gonna get into the blindness first before i get into the nightmares. some of this is probably going to be scientifically inaccurate, but i mean… this is an anime headcanon.

the more his blindness progressed, the less visual the dreams became, focusing more on sensory experiences; at the same time, the imagery incorporated became more “familiar territory”, by which i mean the elements involved show up in a way he’d been familiar with for a longer experience of time. i guess the best example would be, before the final showdown, he’d seen sasuke once, at around age thirteen. the last few times he was able to see even anything in dreams, one of the few visuals that remained was his family, at the age he killed them; despite not seeing them in years, playing solely off of the most prominent memories. 

as he began to see less and less in general, before blacked-out dreams, the more the things less important to him would fade away, out of sight.

as far as dreams go, it’s likely he had very few positive ones while in the akatsuki. i’d imagine more of them came when he could no longer see, but it was still painful, to hear the voices of loved ones and not be able to look into their faces again in the only way you can, knowing you have only a few months left to live.

now onto the nightmares.

more or less as an interesting concept alone, but for the majority of his life, itachi never had nightmares. stress at night manifested solely through insomnia rather than having bad dreams. since he’s a ninja, i would imagine learning to remain composed is sort of an essential asset of the job, and he was probably taught how to do this, so he could at least force himself into sleep, even if he woke up several times or barely felt rested in the morning.

he’s had dreams though, but that’s never been something all that significant to him; i don’t think any of them have been super good dreams. 

[ okay just note that i haven’t gotten to the shisui death scene yet i just know that it happens and that’s about it so i’m probably interpreting some stuff wrong ]

but when that happened he couldn’t sleep for 10 full days until he passed out from sleep deprivation.

the first time he had a nightmare was the first time he was able to sleep after killing his clan. 

okay actually that’s cool i’m gonna write something with that. ugh OP… your mind…

obviously the nightmares were trauma-based. he had them up until his death, but the further away from the time the event occurred, the more abstract elements worked their way into the dream. he still had the dreams after he lost sight in his dreams, and he felt a bit guilty about it, but he was grateful he didn’t have to look at the eyes and faces of his clan members as he killed them.

for a while after the sasuke encounter during part I, sasuke played a more prominent part in his nightmares, for a good while.  

the majority of the nightmares involve bad things happening to sasuke, or him killing his clan, or havoc in the leaf village, since i doubt anything harm that could come upon itachi scares him as much as the thought of those three things. 

i imagine both dreams and nightmares are very vivid for itachi, being an observing/calculating/analytical individual he takes in more and has more to process.

as far as parasomnias go, dream-enacting behavior might’ve happened once or twice but i can’t imagine much beyond that. 

as for sleeping habits, probably just mindfulness exercises before sleeping, because being someone introspective and having done/been through terrible things you feel guilty about that giving yourself time to think before you sleep is probably not the best of ideas ever. 

with worsening depression/illness, itachi’s wanting to just sleep all the time probably amplified. it’s particularly hard, knowing that after closing your eyes the misery will continue or even worsen. 

):

as for altered states of consciousness, i have a personal headcanon that using genjutsu efficiently requires a calm/collected/well cared for mind, otherwise you might not be able to control or even, worst case scenario when you’ve totally lost your marbles, get trapped in your own genjutsu. so i would assume something like meditation/mind training in some way would help you maintain that.  

i think that covers everything?

now for a story.

Itachi Uchiha has never had a nightmare before in his life.

“Why?!”

He doesn’t need to.

“W-Why would you do this?!”

He’s living one.

Itachi talks about wanting to prove his vessel.

Doesn’t mean a single word of it.

… , …

He spends the rest of the night running, getting away and putting as much distance between himself and the Hidden Leaf Village as is completely possible, and in his head the moment plays over and over and over, but it doesn’t feel real, he’s existing in this dreamlike state, as if he’s repeatedly reading some page of a book because his eyes are blurred, unfocused.

He appears calm, at least, he thinks, as he stops running; the one area falling short of perfection in his academy exams was stamina, but a fighting style rooted primarily in genjutsu more than makes up for that missing proficiency. He has… a lot of emotions to process, really, it’s foreign territory when the majority of his emotional responses have a tendency towards being at least moderately underwhelming. This whole endeavor, every part of it, it’s been so stressful, so painful, deep hurt powerful enough that it manifests physically in his body, chest bleeding with.

Sadness.

Loss.

Loneliness.

Remorse.

He wonders if he should feel remorse, or at least, if remorse is logically applicable here. He was doing this to save the village, it would have happened either way, but at least this way Sasuke his safe, holding that sword with the metal drinking in and shining out the colors of moonlight, silver gleam broken by patches of slightly rusted crimson, red like roses lovers give to each other; blood of his ancestors and uncles and aunts and cousins and his parents and. And anyways. His little brother would’ve died, if it had been anyone but him. His clan was going to stage a coup, start a war, the death toll would’ve been worse, so many of the Uchihas would’ve died in it anyways, at least he put them out of their misery fast, and-

These are rationalizations.

Itachi knows this.

But he saved the village, he thinks. 

It was going to happen anyways.

Sasuke will grow stronger, Itachi will ensure it, kill him and paint the clan name in new colors; clean off the bloodstained sins Itachi left on his blade. Sasuke will go back to the village a hero, Itachi thinks. Find happiness and acceptance, slaughterer of his criminal brother, sociopathic mass-murderer, heart and soul black as the eyes of crows.

Itachi is orchestrating his own divine justice. Playing as a deity in order to be purged by an angel of his own creation.

… , …

He’s sitting underneath a pine tree, long bark-wrinkled branches with needle fingers hang lazily from its sides. It’s still night, but in a few hours, it’ll be dawn, Itachi’s internal clock estimates. Still, the sky above him is as dark as a scorpion’s carapace, white stars speckled across like the shine on its shell. By now the world up above the deciduous forest is moonless, clouds consume it like parasites. It’s not that cold, or it could be colder, but maybe Itachi’s body is just numb from.

Everything.

Anyways, he’s exhausted. Doesn’t know where he’ll go from here. Thirteen-year-old self too life-drained to carry on much further. He lays down on a bed of pine needles, rough against his back, stinging in minutely; closes his eyes.

He thinks sleep won’t come easily.

He’s wrong.

But Itachi promises himself one thing before he fades down into unconsciousness.

If he can, he never wants to kill anyone, ever again.

… , …

Itachi is in the Uchiha compound, night’s almost fallen, the sky is painted indigo from the tail ends of dusk.

-

Many battles ensue. 

Itachi wins all of them 

-

His parents sit next to each other, in their room, side by side, execution style.

They talk about some things.

Itachi kills them.

-

Sasuke is crying.

If you want to defeat me, you need these eyes, Itachi says.

He’s already mentioned that he never cared about him, this whole time.

There’s nobody else in the world Itachi could ever care about more.

… , …

Itachi wakes up with tears heavy in his eyes, breathing hard, the milky pink of dawn has managed to claw its way into the sky and the first breaths of light whisper down between leaves and what was that.

Rationally, Itachi knows it’s a nightmare, but his heart is still fast and his breathing is a bit sped up and his eyes are wide, less characteristic emotional expression (though the normal tends to be majorly apathy, with any other responses muted partially). 

He’s.

He’s never had one of these before.

It felt so real, and his dreams, they’ve always been vivid, mainly processing stressors or other events that provoked a more intense response from him; he’s never needed to analyze them, because his sleeping mind still holds hands with reality, and so now, this, this reliving it, as it happened, had to look into his relatives’ death-fearing eyes, had to act on notions antithetic to his moral code of pacifism, had to murder so many people. 

Itachi shakes his head, tries not to dwell on it for too long.

He has a life he needs to figure out what to do with, until its preordained end.

… , …

He has that dream many, many more times.

It doesn’t get better, any of them.

… , …

Itachi is already halfway out of one of the two beds he’s rented at the inn, soft and luxurious and feather down mattress, as Kisame begins to speak. Asks Itachi if it’s another nightmare.

Itachi says nothing. The yes is unspoken.

Kisame asks Itachi if it’s the same one.

“Partially.” Itachi says. “Though devoid of all visual imagery.”

Kisame makes a jest, something along the lines of ‘finally, huh’? Itachi finds it non-offensive. He’s trying to be supportive, lighten the situation. Itachi doesn’t laugh at much anything, anymore. Kisame still tries.

“It’s been this way for some time, actually.” I just never wanted to talk about it.

He’s going to sit outside, take some space, as he does. This is a regular occurrence. Kisame tells him to come back soon.

… , …

Itachi comes back after around thirty minutes. Kisame is still awake, likely awaiting his safe return. It’s considerate.

He reminds Itachi that they’ll be at the Uchiha Hideout soon. 

Itachi wouldn’t have forgotten ever. The scene of the final showdown, holy retribution, smite by the angelic.

… , …

This is Itachi’s last night alive.

He hopes the night is dreamless.

… , …

It isn’t.

But actually, in a good way.

… , …

Itachi is practicing shurikenjutsu, he’s around thirteen, sort of, leaps into the air in cat smooth motions, the throwing stars bounce off of each other and white shines across the metal. It’s warm and summery and the rare breaths of wind are hot, comforting almost. The trees are painted golden at the edges by sunlight, shuriken impale the targets on them, biting into their canvas skin.  

Perfect score.

Sasuke is there, too, a child, around seven. He’s smiling and there are stars in his dark eyes and he’s looking at his older brother like Itachi is going to give him the world. 

“Can you teach me that, too?” His voice just bleeds excitement and awe, he wants to be just like his older brother who is the Best Ninja Ever. Itachi extends his hand, moves his fingers in a ‘come here’ motion. There’s a half moon smile of white teeth suddenly there on Sasuke’s face, he runs towards his brother, and Itachi uses his index and middle finger, pokes in the middle of Sasuke’s forehead, who flinches back, makes a pouting face, knowing the next sentence by heart.

“I’m sorry Sasuke, maybe next time.”

“You always say that.”

Itachi smiles apologetically, then thinks about it. Is he really busy right now? He usually is; he planned to finish his training and help his father with some mission work. But… Well, considering the state of things, he might not have more opportunities like this.

So that can wait until another time.

“I think I may be free now, actually.” Itachi sees Sasuke’s whole being shine brighter and warmer than the sun.

-

Itachi teaches Sasuke the beginnings of shurikenjutsu. Sasuke learns quickly, and glows in every word of his older brother’s praise and encouragement.

-

At the end of it all, Sasuke grabs Itachi, hugs him tight.

“Thank you, older brother.”

And Itachi feels…

Happy.

… , …

Suddenly, things are different. His body hurts, all over, it’s cold around him, dark, Itachi’s vision is blurred and then he realizes where he is, remembers that this world, this is his reality. Kisame is already awake, it’s morning, they have to get ready for… what’s next, for Itachi.

Kisame tells Itachi that he should’ve woken him up earlier, but he didn’t.

“Why?”

Apparently he was smiling in his sleep. Kisame asks what he was dreaming about.

Itachi has to think for a while, before he finds the right thing to say.

… , …

“How things should have been.”

#ask #drabbles

[ibitchytimemachine]

Real Men Don’t Make Sandwiches

anenglisheducation

How a well-constructed sandwich brings together two unlucky and unlikely souls: first Vegeta, the prince of a dead race who has bound himself to Earth for honor; the other Krillin, a lowly monk who just can't catch a break. A comedy. Sorta.

Read on Ao3 or on fanfiction.net.

As always, my thoughts below the cut, Spoilers!

Ok so I had just finished my submission for Smutfest, and I needed something refreshing to read. So I was looking through some recs (I can’t recall where I found this one) and I came across the idea of a VegetaXKrillin Buddy Cop-esque comedy. I honestly hadn't ever thought about this pairing, but it works. Krillin’s cautious and twitchy characterization works really well with Vegeta’s tsundere. I must say that this is in no way a romance. Ok so maybe a bromance, the true Bromance we need in fact. 

The prologue did not pull me in. From the tags, I had this idea about the story being this ridiculous amalgam of situations and after reading the prologue I have to admit I almost stopped reading. But just like with anime, I had to give it the three episode swing and I pushed through. I have to admit after the prologue it gets much better. 

So I just mentioned the tags. The Ao3 tags are a work of art

This really gives a sense of the dry humor that you will find in the story. It is simply hilarious. You have to have a dry wit with a touch of slapstick to really appreciate the beauty of the humor, which I must admit describes my humor perfectly. If you read the tags and think “WTF?!” and giggle a little, you will probably like this story. 

This story really does revolve around sandwiches. Krillin just falls into the job of making tens of sandwiches a day for Vegeta. Krillin is living at CC, we find out later why, and one day Vegeta is hunting down a chef to create food and there is Krillin making a sandwich. So thats how it starts. Vegeta gets lots of sandwiches and Krillin tricks him into answering questions in exchange for said meals. 

Vegeta wants to kill Krillin, because of course he does. When he thinks about Killing him though he remembers the delicious sandwiches and falters, thinking that if he does kill cueball, he won't get the delicious sandwichy goodness. SO this of course leads Vegeta to believe that pig, one of the meats on the sandwiches is some sort of poison that is supposed to calm him down. 

Theres no action (until the end of the story but we will get there in a minute). Really the story takes place in the kitchen, Vegeta eating sandwiches, trying not to kill Krillin and then taking a bite and realizing how he doesn't want the sandwiches to stop so he decides to spare him. This internal monologue happens several times. Each time is funny because it sounds so much like Vegeta. This writer has pegged the characterizations of both of these characters. Krillin is timid, until he's not, he is even tempered, rational, kind. Vegeta is an asshole. Bulma makes a few appearances and her characterization is also spot on. She's demanding and overbearing, but not in a bitchy way (until she is a bitch, but that is also on point for the character), and she pegs issues the characters are having with little real input from them. 

A few of my favorite jokes. 

1. Vegeta starts to believe that Goku has adopted all of earth as pets. He then comes to the conclusion that since Vegeta doesn't want to kill Krillin that he has adopted Krillin as his own pet. (this leads to a fantastic moment in the second to last chapter if you wanna know about it, READ THIS STORY)

2. Theres this moment that Krillin is telling him about his fight with Bacterian. Krillin is talking up how bad this dude smells and is leading up to the no nose punchline, the best part of this whole interaction is when Krillin is talking about Some people who have some of their senses crosswired, (certain sounds you see colors etc) and Vegeta just blasts out “oh yeah synesthesia” Ok so I am not a great story teller, but trust me, in context this is gold. 

3. Vegeta grants Krillin a favor and Krillin hugs Vegeta. This goes about as well as you can imagine. 

Vegeta is suffering from major culture shock. Realistically he knows nothing about Earth except people are crazy. At one point he tries to teach Krillin to eat. There is a goldmine of this long build up of slightly ridiculous that ends with this burst of crazy that is leads to these one liners that are hilarious. I went back to find a few that would be funny to put in here for the favorite jokes parts, but without the build of the context they are super flat. 

The driving force of the story lay in the sandwiches and the questions Krillin asks. Krillin asks a question and the Vegeta has this inner monologue that lasts an enormous amount of the chapter. Vegeta argues with himself in these monologues. He fills in some of the gaps about the PTO, and his life. The world building in this story is beautiful. I read a comment on FF that this reader considers the background canon, but honestly, its really good. My favorite bit of lore concerns the creation of the Saiyans. The creation myth is told in one of Vegeta’s inner monologues, and really it is fantastic. I could get behind this as a creation myth for the Sayians. I don't wanna spoil this because it is really phenomenal. 

So the three things this author has done well is characterization, world building and humor. 

I will say the last few chapters were not my favorite. There was this wonderful build to the end and with the revelation of why Krillin is around CC so much. This is a heavy moment. Krillin is not eating, he has withdrawn, he has been resurrected twice, which means he has died twice, he's a pity party of one. He's suffering from depression. Throughout the story you get the sense that something serious is wrong with Krillin, and it all comes to a head when he tells Vegeta to just get it over with and kill him. Of course Krillin doesn’t want to die but wow this was an emotionally charged moment of the chapter, and really for me the turning point of a chapter that up until then I thought was meh. This was a beautifully written moment because this writer really paints the perfect picture of someone who is depressed but is being forced to put on the airs of normalcy.  Anyone who has ever felt with soul crushing depression, and has had to force themselves through it knows that eventually it all just blows up. You either end up in bed not moving, not eating, not sleeping (or sleeping too much) doing nothing, or you loose your shit and yell and scream and make an ass out of yourself. It was a slow burn to this point, but worth it. Event hough I said the first part of the chapter was not my favorite, I don't think you could really change it. You see this is the climax of the story (duh) and there is a mood shift. Krillins depression is coming to a head and he can't really handle the situation anymore. So the once odd couple, slightly light hearted banter is replaced by Krillin having an emotional meltdown. It is really wonderful writing. 

The last update was a year ago on October 31, 2017. The story could very well be finished at this point, however the writer has set it up to have another two parts. The story on FF is complete (except for the continuations) and it is being moved over chapter by chapter to Ao3. As the chapters get moved over, they are being edited. The edits are for spelling and grammar only (as far as I can tell). The unedited chapters on FF.net are not bad, but there are some errors. None of these errors are bad enough to break the immersion of the story so if that is something you are worried about, don't, unless you are one of those people, then all I have to say is you shouldn't be reading MY reviews because I know how bad of a writer I am. There are 23 chapters on FF and I think as of this posting 13 on Ao3. The last chapter was uploaded to Ao3 about a month ago, so hopefully the writer is gonna begin writing again once they are all moved over.  

Either way. I 100 percent recommend this story. Its funny if you have a certain kind of humor. It is smart. The world building is fantastic. Characters are on point. The build is fantastic, not only to the emotional climax, but also the build to the punchlines (and they just keep on giving). No really go read this story... Plus sandwiches. 

If you liked this review, after you check out this fic, head over to my A03 and check my stuff out too!

#Vegeta #Krillin #bromance #ao3 #Fanfiction review #OMG ITS GREAT! #people are pets #mother bird #hugs are weird and awkward #go read it now #BTM Fic Review

[bnha-imagines-hcs]

Hello! Could I please have a headcanon with Aizawa, Hizashi and Shinsou? How do they feel/react to an S/O who blushes absolutely bright red (like all the way to the tips of their ears) when given a compliment about something that matters to them? Like–"Thanks for helping out, I know I can count on you."=RED. "You've been working really hard on that skill and it shows."=RED "You're a great listener."=RED, and so on. Thank you so much!

( mmmmmm, that’s adorable y’know. ❤  they turned into drabbles! i hope you like them. | i… love this wtf. asd;fkjsdf this is the gooiest shit i’ve written in who knows how long. )

| shinsou; drabble.

oh, he knows. there’s this vain, incredible hope that perhaps the book promptly shoved into your own face or the scarf wound high around your neck might veil the evidence, but.             he knows.     he only smirks like that when he’s found another button.

“hitoshi, nooooooo…” 

impossible, mouth’s corners curl up higher / lay dimples into his cheeks. “hitoshi, yes…” 

“noooooooohh my god… nugh.”

the worst part is when he doesn’t capitalise on it at once. of course not, that would be lenient. instead, you spend the afternoon lounging together ( ever on the edge of tension of will he do it- ) before going your separate ways; each headed home for dinner and a truly obnoxious amount of homework.             something of an hour past quesadillas, there’s a beep             from your bag’s front pocket.

[ hito-tan ❤ uwuwuwu; text:  babe, u on q24? pls… help ya homeboi out.. my familys dyin ]

pffft.

[ text:  are u tellin me the geat shinsou hitoshi wrestled w/ adverbs an the adverbs came ou on top?? ]

[ hito-tan ❤ uwuwuwu; text:  *great *out ]

[ text:  YOUR* FAMILY’S* DYING* ]

fuckin’ grammar nazi. still, this desperate plea for aid doesn’t pass unanswered - via call will they resolve this business, because otherwise shinsou will keep sending back typos and drain your available texts. wouldn’t be the first time.

              “–yeah! and that’s about it.”

       “oh..?” it’s non-commital, introverted. “yeah– cool, thanks.”

              “you’re welcome… y’little shit.”

       “mmm, i love you.” not so absent now– “thanks for         helping out,.. i like that i know i can count on you.”

              “……….”

       “see ya~”

[ text:  YOUR FAMILY WONT BE THE ONLY THING DYING,     SHINSOU HITOSHI ]

[ hito-tan ❤ uwuwuwu; text:  so formal you wound me ][ hito-tan ❤ uwuwuwu; text:  pics or it didn’t happen ]

[ text:  EAT SHIT ]

you won’t know ‘til the next day how his eyes glow, little crinkles at their corners when your blush heats the very tips of your ears… and quite everything below them. whacking him (lightly) with your notebook does fuck all to thwart the growing smirk on his face (or the way his fingers itch to taste that blush, stroke lines across its curve). 

( should you press your ruddy cheeks to his, you’ll find some common ground. )

| aizawa; drabble.

oh. ohoho.

         he lets you think he doesn’t notice. ( that idea manages to stick through sheer desperation alone, because even your warped reflection in the windows is stained red. )

aizawa memorises what he said and did before the heat of your face warmed his across a full feet of empty space lmao – and from then on follow experiments; carefully, stealthily, he lets those span across a few weeks.

it’s very, very easy to determine the cause of your blush.and so very very easy to apply, too.

date night consists of a quiet night at your or his place; his, this time. warm blankets and shared body heat, mugs full of coffee and hot chocolate while he grades the odd paper he can’t resist, while you edit today’s entry into your diary.     date night = snuggly naps, pretty much.

“…your handwriting looks pretty.” 

         doesn’t quite do it - you hum, finish your f with more of a flourish than you would without the weight of his gaze, but barely change colour. a little ruddier only if he squints.

“…dunno how you manage to keep that up,” writing a diary that actually gets a page for each day that is, “don’t think i’d have the patience…” 

his shoulder’s nudged by the butt of your pen, your eyes on the page and attention divided. “you already have to write a lot with school and all, it’s no wonder.” 

faint, domestic conversation ebbs and flows - nothing groundbreaking or of import to any of the scavengers that dig for news in roadkill reporters; just talk for the sake of hearing each other’s voice.     eventually, though–

              “thanks for making time for me in the evenings. my schedule’s              unpredictable… i know it’s tough to work around it all the time.”

           —yes ! bingo !!!

     “it’s fine,” voice soft, “i like to– why the fuck are you smirking.”

  the curve of his lips grows crooked, lop-sided as the honest to god wink sent across a steaming mug of coffee. it’s more like a spasm of the eyelid really, but it means the fucking same.

“aizawa shouta, you fiend–” 

the pillow fight that ensues is of epic proportions ( and doesn’t even stop when the coco spills ).

| hizashi; drabble.

fuck, it’s cute. fuck fuck fuck, it’s cute. oh gosh. oh no. oh, probably you might be embarrassed?? maybe you don’t like for your feelings to show for all to see - perhaps courtesy would be the better method than curiosity. do you need a hug? do you want a hug; hugs are always available! do you–          how can he make this happen again?

    “hizashi, i swear to fuckin’ god. leave me be!”

his pout comes armed with mewls, little whines of plea and malcontent – all while wayward fingers find the heat in your cheeks and make it worse with curious touches, cool kisses.      can this man stop- being that way for 5 seconds!! ( not that it’s bad, but Rebellion… Rebellion. )

     “hizashi, for fuck’s sake.”

“but i love yooouuuuu.”

     incoherent spluttering.

“i didn’t know you could get that red.”  thumb’s broad pad chases down the line of your cheekbone, settles briefly at the corner of your mouth.

     “yes, thanks, thanks, get over it.”  and You Refuse To Kiss It.

“…”  the quickest little peck nestles where his thumb did.  “nope. never.”

     “urggghhh.”  you’re also Not Leaning Into That.

“you look so cute.”

     “i know, stop it. god.”

“good, good-” and another smooch. a smorch, if you will. and another - the gentlest of line-ups across your brow, kissing across every dip in your fake-ass frown. 

and so you sit there, suffering silently with a face uncomfortably hot ( mic’s kisses in soft cool contrast ) and a lover who’s discovered more to love.and has way more to give than outlets available, apparently.

“you look so cuuuuuuuute.”

     “you’VE SAID THAT-”

despite protest’s climbing pitch, there’s not a single move made to halt mic’s tender advances and he knows it.                     you spend the entirety of his lunch break with a blush slowly dying and a wealth of sweetened love; that he goes to class on a stomach mostly empty is fine, butterflies keep him from going hungry.

#deliciousvulpana #basically they all want some more o' dat shit. #aizawa #bnha aizawa #aizawa shouta #yamada hizashi #bnha hizashi #shinsou hitoshi #bnha shinsou #shinso hitoshi #present mic #eraserhead #bnha #boku no hero #fluff #bnha scenarios #mha #personal fave

[arkhamknxghts]

Oop I got carried away anyways jaykyle headcanons

•Kyle does his best to be the Santa that Jason never had don’t @ me

•Jason: I want to cut my hair I want a change

Kyle: I support you I’m going to dye my hair

•Kyle: “which safe house are you at im omw”

Jason: #4

Kyle: where’s that one

Kyle: nvm just meet me at the bank

•late night movie theaters Jason falls asleep against his shoulder and is laying down in his lap if the seats are connected

•Kyle: wtf I only have $3.77 in my bank account

Bruce or Jason overhearing and so Kyle wakes up with $3,003.77 in his account

•Jason: Bruce did an okay job at being my father figure we can share I guess

Kyle: sure I’ll put your achievements on my mom’s fridge im sure she won’t mind

*puts jason’s drawing of a flower on it*

•Kyle picks up photography and filmmaking so he tried to film everything him and Jason do together.

*first kiss, first sober kiss, first night he spent over, first roadtrip, first date*

•Jason drives during the road trips because he’s calm and collected while driving and he reactions to bad drivers near him quickly

•Kyle to Jason at 1am at a gas station: I love your bags

Jason: I appreciate it

*kyle kissss him under each eye and Jason flinches*

•Kyle snorts and Jason cries when they find something hilarious

•Jason: so Alfred taught me how to make bacon and eggs without setting something on fire in kitchen here’s some breakfast in bed

•Bruce always reminding Kyle that a part of him is still going to be protective over Jason despite Jason’s history “so don’t think that just because he… doesn’t mean I will…”

•Hal was trying to find a reason to dislike Jason but he sees that Jason and Kyle get along so oddly that there’s nothing plus him and Jason bond over their love to annoy Bruce

•he still annoys them both about protection tho

•Hal: is Jason that good of a fuck that I have to deal with bats even more now

Kyle not understanding what “of a fuck” means: yes

•Kyle coming home to a load of take out food that Jason ordered

•Forehead kisses for you

•Kyle’s phone storage running out because most videos on his phone are of Jason doing some silly thing like dancing towards the camera at a party or other video shots he wasn’t done editing (his favorite is that one time Jason was getting frustrated at putting up furniture but Jason looked so good in Kyle’s shirt and messy hair it makes Kyle homesick when he watches it), up close to Jason covering his eyes, (this one was early in their relationship) Jason smoking and looking sideways at him with glassy eyes, Jason looking at Kyle with these sleepy googly eyes and Kyle will look at the photo with so much pride and another is Jason with a butterfly on his face which took 5 years off of Kyle’s lifespan

•Jason: can I

Kyle: YOU MADE IT FLY AWAY AGAIN DAMNIT

•Jason is comfortable crying in front of Kyle, Kyle reminds him that he loves him with snot and big tears and all

•Jason brings Kyle back a picture and a souviner from every country’s iconic structure

Kyle starts to tear up

•Kyle “I brought you a rock” Rayner

Jason “this is the best thing anyone has ever gotten me I’m going to sleep with it for the next month” Todd

•Kyle brings back books and other materials that aren’t on Earth back to Jason because he know Jason loves learning more about anything there is to learn everyday

•Kyle knows that Jason has the curiosity of a child, that’s what makes Jason so fun to be around with

•Kyle doing the upside down Spider-Man kiss with Jason when he comes back if he’s still wearing his green lantern unfirom

•on Jason’s bad days, Kyle will cook or turn the radio on at a soothing volume for Jason to feel a little better

• when Jason still doesn’t get out of bed Kyle will just spend the day with Jason’s silent form by watching tv and covering them both up with a blanket

•Kyle: do you want to get up? We can try to look up ways to make your explosions even bigger

“No thanks” in a soft voice

“Okay just get your rest tomorrow can be a brand new day”

“Thanks”

•he reminds Jason that he doesn’t need to go anywhere when it’s his death anniversary and of course its understandable to still be upset about

•Jason will force Kyle to take a break at times or just to let himself go

•convo on the couch with the rain pattering outside the window ”I miss Alex, her birthday is coming up” “I’m sorry” *7 seconds of silence* “do you want to talk about it?”

•Kyle: this piece is trash

Jason: our definitions of trash are very different

•Jason: so I found this frame for you

Kyle: you mean stole it?

Jason: no one else grabbed it

•Kyle: wtf he teaches me something new everyday

•Kyle wanted to do a cheesy ice skating date and it was fun and games until he found out that Jason is practically an ice skater mid way, leaving Kyle to throw snowballs at Jason from the sidelines because he sprained his ankle when he fell

•Jason carrying him to the apartment because “it’s only 6 blocks away I’ll be fine”

•Kyle: can you teach me how to shoot a gun

Jason: cAn yOu TEacH mE hOw tO sHoOt a gUN? What the fuck no

•Jason: can you take me to Oa? Dick wants to visit

•Kyle: cAn YoU tAkE mE tO oA? Hell no

•early in their relationship they exchanged nothing but drunk kisses at all the celebrations or parties like they were that annoying couple that took almost every fucking place to sit because they were just making out so no one really knew if they were together because they seemed like they already were ???

•Kyle makes fun of Jason when he’s driving because he’s overly cautious unlike Kyle who drives with one hand on the wheel at all times

•their first date or kiss or the fuck they refer it to was the first time they got together was some kind of mess. It wasn’t planned at all. It started from going to the cave for a meeting, Kyle asking Jason what’s to eat around Gotham, Jason taking Kyle to his favorite place and next thing you know they’re having a deep meaningful conversation in the back of one of the cars they borrowed from Bruce’s and they started to make out, Jason and Kyle had an argument of whose place is closer and they ended up going to Kyle’s hotel. Jason told himself he was going to leave early in the morning but that bitch was so tired from last night he stayed in until 12 and then they were like oh btw I always had a crush on you

(Thus is where Kyle’s first photo of Jason happened, when he was laying in bed still asleep, messy hair and all)

•weird conversations with no context like:

•”I’ll bet you that I can play the violin for $15”

“It wouldn’t even surprise me that this point”

•Jason while giving a foot massage to Kyle: your feet are the only feet I’m willing to touch

Kyle: good don’t foot massage cheat on me

•kyle: yeah he almost looked like he was never mind I’ll just sketch it out hold on

•Jason: does your facial hair grow out faster in space?

Kyle: I don’t know like *deep sigh* like it can

•*off key singing when making dinner “will you still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful I know you will I know you will I know that you wil-“ “you don’t know me” from across the room

•Kyle has an hour long video of Jason lip syncing Moana word to word

•everytime bruce and Jason have a small argument Hal would act like he’s Jason’s dad. “Hey lad do you want to bat with me?” “Do you want to catch a burger with me?”

Kyle: that was supposed to be me what the hell

Kyle: I JUST THINK ITS FUNNY THAT

•Bruce: this is what we’re not going to do

•Kyle: Jason get your father figure or whatever you try refer to him as he keeps talking to my mom about a Wayne industries job

•Kyle out of no where: we should go skinny dipping

Jason: WE SHOULD

Kyle: babe stop yelling I’m right here

•Kyle washing the blood out of Jason’s hair when patrol or a mission goes wrong while Jason tries not to fall asleep

•Kyle hyping up Jason whenever Jason changes anything ranges to “why are your fingers fat they look like hotdogs sometimes” “you don’t see me asking why are you the way you are though”

•”add that to our sex playlist” “ok”

“please drop me off here I’ll just call Bruce or Alfred to pick me up”

•Jason sleeps better with Kyle, like Kyle is willing to wake him up at a reasonable time depending when he comes back and will try his best to stay up until he comes back from patrol

•All I’m saying is that Kyle helps Jason and Jason helps Kyle

•Bruce once walked in on Kyle decorating Jason’s hair with shampoo, he just silently closed the door

•Jason is very proud of Kyle like he tries to find time to talk someone’s ear off about his boyfriend. He treats the stories of Kyle without the ring with just as much pride as the stories of Kyle with the ring

•every birthday they try to make their gift/surprise bigger than the last one for an example Jason thought that putting fireworks outside the window and he somehow manipulated it to catch on fire when the window is open so he thought this was a good idea

•Kyle somehow managed to get his hands on C4, gunpowder, and tickets to the aquarium

•I’m not saying Jason appreciates s the color green because of Kyle after hating it since his robin days but that’s exactly what I’m saying

•told Kyle that he green reminds him of Kyle not just being of the lantern gig but because it reminds him of how warm and hopeful it is like him

•their dynamic and timing of the relationship is perfect with each other because they’re not around each other so much where they get annoyed of each other quickly

#jaykyle #im on break ladies i can finally do this #headcanons #i need to tag my hcs better so i can write something w them when i have time #jason todd and kyle rayner #jason todd #kyle rayner

[shaydixons]

wlw survey results

thank you so much to everyone who participated in mine and @aliciqvikander ’s survey! we ended up getting 221 responses. below is a breakdown of each question.

disclaimer: there were a couple of responses that we considered to be disrespectful or homophobic that we decided to delete from the survey pool. the idea of this survey was to gauge the feelings & opinions of wlw skam fans regarding lgbt representation in the show; it was made with wlw fans in mind, and there were some skam fans who decided to take the survey and give disrespectful/homophobic answers, which was not the point of the survey.

part 1: demographics

what is your sexuality?

the most common were lesbians (83 people)  and bisexuals (74 people), followed by 22 pan people and 17 questioning, only 4 straight people (whose answers we didn’t delete bc they weren’t disrespectful). there were also several people who identified as gay (4), queer (2), sapphic (2), asexual (5), or other sexualities (lesbian ace, demisexual pansexual, biromantic with a preference towards women, panromantic ace, biromantic asexual)

what is your gender?

the most common answers were female/woman/girl/cis girl, with many nb people (19), as well as several questioning people (5), and just 2 men.

what is your age?

the most common answer was 17-19 (90), with many 20-24 year olds (62) and 14-16 year olds (51), as well as 9 25-30 year olds and 7 people over 30, and just 2 under 14.

where are you from?

there were people from all over who took the survey, but the most common answers were the US, Sweden, France, UK, Brazil, Finland, and Norway.

when did you start watching Skam?

the most common answer by far was season 3 (155), followed by season 4 (32), then season 1 (23), then season 2 (10).

part 2: opinions

what is your favorite season?

the most common answer was season 3 (141), then season 1 (65), then season 4 (10) and just 2 people favored season 2.

what fandoms are you a part of?

the most common answer to this was obviously tumblr (212) seeing as we posted the survey on tumblr. Other popular answers were twitter (34) and instagram (42), other than that we have some sprinkled answers such as discord, jodel and facebook. Plus some people who said they were not really active in any fandom.

who are your top 3 characters?

the most favored characters in order are Sana (158), Isak (117), Eva (104), Even (94), Noora (59), Vilde (53), Jonas (33), Chris (16), Elias (14), Yousef (8), a tie between Magnus and Mahdi (5), Eskild (3), 2 people wanted to specify that they liked season 1 Noora, and one vote for Dr. Skrulle! (specifically: that fierce school nurse lady whose name i don't remember but she's really cool”) Nobody picked Wilhelm.

who is your favorite canon ship?

the most picked ship was evak (166), after that we have yousana (44) and then joneva (6). four people also replied that they dont really care for any ship and there was one vote for noorhelm (although it’s worth noting that the one vote came from one of the only two men who took the survey). not one person chose vagnus.

[edit: the person who chose noorhelm messaged me to tell me that they clicked noorhelm by mistake and meant to choose yousana!]

who are your favorite non-canon ships?

The most common answers were Nooreva (170), Evilde (156), Evana (58) and Sanoora (39). Other popular ones were Noorvilde (31), Johdi (26), Noorevilde (24), Joora (15), Chrisana and Chrilde both had 10, Mohnstad had 8, Sana x Vilde had 7, Jonas x PChris and Mikael x Jonas both had 4, and there were other assorted ships including Vilde x Some hipster girl that could have been introduced in her season (3), Vilde x The soft butch lesbian she would have dated in her season (1), Isak x PChris (2), Elias/Eskild (2), Eva/Iben (1), Noora/Mari (1), Adam x Mutta (1), Vilde x Ingrid (1)

What is Vilde’s sexuality?

this was one of the most unified questions with a total of 204 out of 221 saying shes a lesbian! the other answers were bi (13) and pan (4)

What is Noora’s sexuality?

the most common answer was lesbian (110), followed by bisexual (61), then straight (29), then pan (18). i think it’s worth noting that we saw a pattern that bisexual was often put by bisexuals and pansexual was also put by a lot of pansexuals, so maybe people just see themselves in Noora.

What’s Eva’s sexuality?

This question was, as Vilde’s, very unified with 209 out of 220 answering bisexual then there were 6 people who answered pan, 4 people who answered straight, and 1 who answered lesbian.

What is Sana’s sexuality?

this one was pretty split! the most common answer was bi (104), followed by straight (81), then pan (28), then lesbian (2).

What is Chris’s sexuality?

this one was also pretty split! the most common answer is pan (117), followed by straight (65), then bi (22), then lesbian (11)

Opinion on queerbaiting & Vilde?

the overwhelmingly popular opinion is that queerbaiting did happen. 109 people said there was explicit queerbaiting, 81 people said they originally meant to make Vilde a lesbian then decided not to, only 3 people said there was no queerbaiting, and there were also an array of answers, most of which say queerbaiting did happen. (“I'm super torn bc I feel Vilde is a lesbian but she doesn't realize it yet. Like I believe she would figure it out in college (and I think her dating Magnus is important in her self discovery) and ugh I wish we could get an epilogue of some sort with her a canon lesbian. Unfortunately if that doesn't happen, I feel like it is queerbaiting.”) (“julie treats lesbians like were a fucking joke”) (“i will be on my deathbed telling everyone that vilde lien hellerud was a lesbian and showing them my powerpoint on all the signs throughout the seasons but honestly idk if they really meant for her to be gay or not. she is in my heart tho.”)

opinion on noorhelm?

the most popular answer by far was “wilhelm is an abuser who can rot in hell and Noora deserved better” (161). 27 people say they were a bad couple, 13 people say they were okay but not as bad as people say, ZERO people said they were cute, there were also an array of write-in answers, mostly negative. (“Some parts of their relationships were good, the rest - pure trash on wilhelm's part”)  (“classic romance novel damage, gaslighting & emotional manipulation”)  (“I swear to christ, WillHELL does not deserve Noora - only Eva does, duh - and their whole relationship didn't make any sense from a character point of view! Also I hate that they had to take this beautiful, strong woman's season and make it about a guy! An emotional ABUSER at that!! Like whyyyyy???????????”) (“DICKHELM NEEDS TO JUST GET OUT. PRISON. SOMEWHERE SECLUDED. NO ONE DESERVES TO LAY THEIR EYES ON HIM. i hate him with a passion i swear to fucking god I HAD TO MOTIVATE MYSELF TO WATCH S2 and i was in complete pain whenever dickhelm was on screen i hate him and NOORA IS A LIPSTICK LESBIAN DONT TELL ME OTHERWISE SHE DESERVES BETTER”)

opinion on nooreva?

this one was pretty evenly split! the most popular answer is that they were set up as a couple (85), followed by they would be a cute couple but they were platonic in canon (80), followed by they were in love in canon (54), and only 2 people said they were just friends.

what do you think of the skam fandom?

most people think it’s fine as far as fandoms go (126), then it was a tie between a great fandom and mostly demonic, each with 47.

for wlw: could you relate to vilde’s behavior?

i’ll be honest with you guys, we probably should have made this a write-in question rather than multiple choice because the results were not very conclusive. 75 lesbians could see themselves in her, 64 bisexuals could see themselves in her, 13 pansexuals could see themselves in her, and 30 people said no.

part 3: long-answer questions

why do you think julie didn’t want to include wlw in the show?

the consensus was that either she’s lesbophobic, the show is written with straight people in mind, or she wanted to but ended up not finding the time to write it in. every answer was wonderful and i wish we could include them all, but here are a couple ones that i like:

bc she's a classic lesbophobic piece of shit and believes wlw can't exist except for punchlines and ridicule

probably because she thought it wouldn't sell as well as an mlm couple. i mean you gotta please those straight girls

She Is Bad at Writing and forgets wtf she is doing and hates logically developing characters

"we did one storyline about exploring sexuality so that's all we need! anything else would be overkill :)))" and also trying to appeal/relate to straight teenage girls. also noora should have been a lesbian but julie used her as a self insert character. also just generally media doesn't take wlw seriously our perceive our relationships/feelings as legitimate

cause she's a typical straight girl who thinks wlw are icky/she's actually a closeted lesbian who hasn't realised yet

are you disappointed with the lgbt representation in skam? please elaborate.

the consensus is that isak, even, and eskild are all wonderful and they’re great for what they are, which is 2 white gays and 1 white pan boy. it would have been great to have some diversity, especially by adding a wlw, specifically vilde or eva. here are a few i like:

For a show that was originally made for teenage girls and to accurately represent them its unbelievable they didnt include a single wlw character. Evak was nice but in s4 turned into complete fanservice and they lost a lot of the development they made in s3. WHERE ARE THE LESBIANS JULIE

definitely like dude evak was cute and all, and powerful and moving, and I was infinitely glad that was represented onscreen. but on the other hand—that wasn't me? and for a show that claimed to be so progressive, it seemed to mock the concept of bi girls and lesbians at every single turn. fuck, when i think about how noora's response to vilde's er du lesbisk question I still get so pissed

lol yeah julie andem treats lesbian existence as a literal joke and yet she still gets all this praise for the great lgbt rep on her show because of isak and even (and s3 was good but in s4 they didn't even feel like they're own characters anymore just a couple with all these weird nods to evak fans)

Yes, in a show meant for teenage girls the only LGBT representation was with a gay boy and a pan boy, and that's because straight girls love to fetishize and obsess over gay boys for some reason. The fact that Julie only wrote about LGBT boys indicates to me that she is writing the show not for all teenage girls, but for the straight teenage girls that she used to be.

yessss. how can we have three mlm but no wlw??? its like whooo we have a canon pan guy, but if i remember correctly he never actually says the word? and eskild is obviously written as gay, but im pretty sure we see eva and vilde kiss more times than we see eskild kiss a guy, and still they're both supposed to be straight?? and like eva, noora and vilde all have so many characteristics of lesbians/bi girls, yet NONE of them turned out to be wlw in canon?? thats so fucking unrealistic!! in my whole friend circle of about 15 girls, there's maybe three who identify as 100% straight, and multiple who have come out as bi or pan, so how come skam has none?

what did you think of season 4?

the general consensus is that it was rushed and messy, that wilhelm ruined it, and that sana was sidelined in her own season. there were a few people who said they liked it, and some pros that were written were that iman was wonderful, the balloon squad was great, the los losers scene, and that they liked yousana. here are a few great ones:

horribly written, with subtle racism and islamophobia to boot. sana deserved so much better. also, bringing back william and p-chris was so unnecessary. they were making progress with noora realizing that william never loved her and was an abuser, and then it's like they backtracked on all of that just for...what purpose? completely unnecessary. noora, vilde, and eva don't need any men in their lives, and any tying of loose ends of their stories in season 4 should have been about that.

pandering to women who fetishize evak/queer male relationships!!! also some major other bullshit!!! (why is william back wtf, why is p chris still around, why tf are evak living together theyre children, vilde needed season 6 to #come #out though so im not too mad)

I think it suffered from weak writing more than anything else. The story totally stalled out at the hiatus and Julie seemed to be unable to get it going again and then found herself without enough time to tell the whole story. She is saved as usual by the strength of her characters-- I think she's great at character building but very over-rated as a storyteller.

(this one is really long but i thought it was eloquent and great)

HAHAHAHA where to start. It’s almost my least favorite season, nearly tied with S2, though my burning hatred of William edges out. But I will say that from a writing perspective, as much as I despise Noorhelm, their relationship kept S2 anchored and prevented the season from losing focus too often. I do think S2 was messier and more bloated than S1 and S3, but it still feels like a more cohesive narrative than S4, which was so sloppy that I can’t believe the same person wrote something as tight as S3. The criticisms seem almost endless and I’ll probably forget something but here are a few off the top of my head: -TERRIBLE SEASON FOR GIRL SQUAD. This is what really surprised me about S4. It was the last chance to enjoy them as a friendship unit and most of the season they were unbearable. I’m not saying they had to have a perfect friendship, I was expecting some conflict and I was fine with that but it was almost all unpleasant moments with no good moments to balance them out. Sana having to apologize for everything but the rest of the girls never apologizing for their ignorance or hurtfulness. Eva and Chris doing nothing but partying most of the time. Vilde being an annoying caricature. Noora … I’ll get to Noora. The los losers clip is a good moment in itself but doesn’t make sense in the larger context, there are several plot holes, and we never ever hear the girls talk about their issues afterwards. -Noora was overused at the expense of the other girls, including Sana, and I couldn’t even enjoy her and Sana’s relationship because I felt like it wasn’t there to explore their friendship, but to give an excuse for Noorhelm to rise again and to get Noora involved in the stupid Sana/Yousef/Noora triangle. I loved Noora but it felt like all the other girls were unfavorably compared to her, like of course Noora got to be Sana’s ally and Vilde/Chris/Eva were just off being drunk and terrible somewhere. It got ridiculous in episode 9 when we started getting texts about Noora’s living situation, of course it’s Noora who Sana’s mom thinks is beautiful with her red lipstick, of course it was Noora who gets to give Sana detailed advice in Maghrib and the other girls have less to contribute. There were a few moments with Chris, maybe. But we got better material from Vilde, Chris, and Eva in the last episode than we’d gotten all season. -Sana taking a backseat to Noorhelm drama at the climax of her own season, enough said. -Even’s plotline being dropped … after what was widely considered a respectful portrayal of mental illness in S3, Julie hugely messed up with Even in S4. Yeah, it was Sana’s season, but maybe don’t introduce a character’s suicide attempt if you’re not going to address it properly? The utter shittiness of having a mentally ill character who says he’s tired of people trying to tell him how he feels, and never letting him give his own side of the story, only hearing it from other people. -A fight that makes no sense, a love triangle that makes no sense, characters not talking to each other just to prolong the drama, characters acting OOC, characters acting like the worst versions of themselves.   -Bad pacing, subplots being juggled and dropped and picked up and abandoned at whim, so much filler and wasted time. I've seen people say Sana was out of focus because Julie had to wrap up loose ends but like, she didn't? She spent time on bullshit no one cared about and ignored actual dangling plot threads. Why are we spending so much time on racist Pepsi Max girls and what's up with Noora and Yousef or Noora and William when we could be addressing Vilde's mysterious home life, giving Chris depth other than funny fat girl, getting into this Even sad backstory that Julie chose to introduce in Sana's season, exploring why Elias got so drunk he could barely stand... the list goes on? Not to mention, you know, focusing on SANA. I’m going to stop now because I’ll be here all day, lol. The thing is, as messed-up as this season is, I’d still rather have this than nothing, sadly, because Iman is wonderful and I enjoyed seeing her show off her acting chops. I wish she could have had a better season but I’m happy such an awesome human being got to be so visible; even if the season was disappointing, Iman being in the public eye meant a lot to Muslim girls around the world. And I’ll always be thankful to Julie for Evak, because their relationship was one aspect of canon that was consistently well-handled. Their story resonated with me and meant a lot to me. I just wish everything else in the show was treated with as much care as the Evak romance, and that S4 was as carefully and thoughtfully written as S3.

CONCLUSION: wlw skam fans were disappointed in the lack of representation, as well as the last season of the show. evak was great, but it would have meant the world to many of us to make one of the female characters not straight, especially after all of the queerbaiting. the VAST majority of people think that vilde was a lesbian, which is very telling. also wlw love sana and hate wilhelm.

bonus: some of my favorite nicknames for william: willdevil, willdick, woldemort, willhellfuck, willfickle, willhellanusfuckingdickface, also @cosa-fea who called him a “sinewy man toe”

thank you all SO MUCH for taking the survey and for giving such wonderful answers. i’m glad we can all agree on some things, like william being terrible and vilde being a lesbian.

#warning this is really long #your guys' answers were so great thank you so much! #skam #skamily #skamwlwnet

[forceyourway]

Tree of Life Shadow Work Challenge

Day Three: “What aspect of my home life might I benefit from taking into consideration?”

(Using Loki’s tarot deck, “The Raven’s Prophecy Tarot”)

I’m loathe to take a picture of the entire tree again, because it’s a pain to assemble. I totally took one and then realized I set it up wrong and sigh. I might edit this with the tree picture later.

Six of Cups - I thought this was a weird card to be here, because it’s literally about considering your childhood. Like he’s just saying the question back at me, y’know? It might be that I need to acknowledge positive memories, because I’m so overwhelmed by negative ones. It might just be talking about evaluating my childhood self, and who I was then. There is a sort of implication of innocence? I think with this. Like, all of this stuff happened, and I was a child.

Home Life - Security, Belonging, Self-Worth

Reflect on what your home life was like growing up. Consider things like household income, inter-family relationship dynamics, overall lifestyle, etc. Was financial stability a source of stress? Was the relationship between your parents conflicted? Did you feel accepted by your family? Did you feel safe at home? Did you live a life in a suburban setting, in the boonies, in an orphanage?

Security My childhood was comfortable, financially-speaking. My dad has a very high-paying job. We moved out of our townhouse, and into a house-house when I was in 3rd-ish grade, and we rented out the townhouse. Every now and then, my dad would need to go there to fix something or what have you, as the owner, and my sister and I were always very excited to tag along. We wanted to go back and see where we grew up, and see if our old babysitter was available to play with, or go to the park. The park behind our house was pretty much always changing, so that was neat. One time, my sister and I were wandering around the Big Park. We heard they had a splash pad, but when we went there, the water was off, and we couldn’t figure out how to turn it on. Some other kids were there, older kids, probably 16+. About 5 of them, I think. We followed them through a path in the woods that led to a park we’d never been to before. Along the way, I picked up a big stick and was using it like a walking staff, as kids do. I kept trying to talk to the other kids, oblivious that they did not want to play with me, and they took offense to being followed around by an annoying white girl with a big stick. It came to a point where they were demanding I put the stick down, and I stood my ground, because wtf this is my stick, I found it, I’m keeping it. I didn’t understand the connotation. They beat the shit out of me. All of them. I remember hitting the ground hard, and pain. My sister ran. I was in middle school at the time, and she was even younger, but it stuck with me that she ran. When I told my dad what happened, he at first acted like he didn’t believe me, and then said he’d go investigate and tell the other kids off. That was a lie. I really thought he was gonna do it, and was really hurt when he didn’t. He ended up hardly acknowledging what happened to me at all. This is why I have abandonment issues. I grew up feeling like I couldn’t rely on my family to protect me when I needed it. Later, toward the end of middle school, I got into a fight with a girl at her sleepover party. She’d been pushing me around all night, and when she tried to pour body spray down my back, that was the last straw. I grabbed the closest thing and chucked it at her. I think I meant to grab my pillow - it was right there - but ended up grabbing a tiny (as in, could fit in your hand) wire earring-case or whatever. I remember being shocked when I saw what I did. It hit her in the head/face. She started screaming “You hurt me!” and started kicking me repeatedly in the stomach. Pain. Chaos. I couldn’t so much breathe. Her mother looked at me like I was dirt after that, because I must have deserved it. Her father wasn’t so sure, but I still needed to get out of their house immediately. My dad picked me up. He remembered what happened at the park, and said I must have deserved it. I didn’t tell him what happened. None of the girls stood up for me, either. They were kind of complicit, in that they let her - or joined in on - pushing me around the whole night, before the fight...

We grew up in a small town in a suburb-ish area. No crime to speak of. There were a couple of kids our age on the street, most notably two sisters who were me and my sister’s best friends. Their mother hated us and was very vocal about it with our parents, telling them we had “A Serious Problem.” All the damn time. She and her friend (another neighbor) kept calling me a Smartass. I...didn’t know what that meant. Ever oblivious and ever self-incriminating, I took it as a compliment and said thank you. That hardly helped matters. It took me a long time to realize that the girls pretty much didn’t give a shit about us; they played with us when it was convenient, but not when others were around. The younger one and my sister got physical a lot. They made fun of us all the time, and mostly it went over our heads. My mom was very irresponsible with money, eating out all the time, shopping all the time, etc. And frequently she was out of work; most of her jobs were as a temp, and there was a lot of in-between time. This was a huge point of tension with her and my dad, and eventually we ended up very deep in debt, though it hardly showed. My dad started gambling to compensate; sometimes he won big, but mostly it was just a huge money drain, and it became an addiction for him. When my mom finally left my dad for good, he got stuck with the debt, and essentially went bankrupt. He’s now living in my decrepit childhood home, eating ramen noodles, and god only knows how far behind he is on the bills. He’s still got that good job, but it’s not enough, and he's still gambling. My parents were always fighting, and my dad got so loud that I was always expecting something physical to go down. Always expecting I was gonna get hit. My mom got physical with me. My sister got physical with me. My dad got physical with me (after I provoked him). Home was not a safe place for me. I didn’t feel I could rely on my family. My mother was always late, very late, when picking me up from school, like I was an afterthought. They abandoned me when I needed them, and they sure as hell didn’t protect me. I used to pretend that maybe I wasn’t really their child, maybe I was secretly adopted. I’d convince myself that to help me get by. Unfortunately, I saw too much of them in me - and me in them - to keep acting as if they weren’t my “real” parents.

Belonging My parents really, really wanted me to be someone else. I hated shopping with my mom, because she was always trying to play dress up with me. Put stuff on me I didn’t like, because that’s how she wanted me to be. And she’d get aggressive if I refused to go with her, or told her I didn’t like the clothes. To this day, she thinks I’m still in some “goth” phase, despite constantly wearing varied and multicolored outfits around her for many years. A few years ago, when I was looking for a job, she told me she found an opening at whatever-store-or-other...which she immediately followed with “as if you could ever work there; you have no fashion sense!” I have excellent fashion sense, thank you. My dad actually forced me to go to a tanning booth when I was...14? 15? because I was pale and I had acne, and he was trying to “fix” it. I was super, super opposed to this, but he forced me into it, telling me I should be grateful and all that shit. I was supposed to get naked and lay in this freaky light machine. I remember being super uncomfortable, and I refused to strip all the way down. He was so, so angry with me. We didn’t go again.

To this day, my dad constantly remarks on what a weird kid I am. How it’s not “normal” that I don’t drink or smoke (or that I never have), and he started smoking when he was 12, or whatever, and used to steal beer all the time. It seemed like he wanted me to do all that stuff, because it was “part of growing up???” I am wondering now if this might be one of his weird as hell attempts at humor; the problem with that is, no one ever knows when he’s kidding...

Self-worth I suck at math. I have dyscalclia. I just don’t brain it right. My dad is obsessed with math. I went through workbook after workbook as a child, in some attempt to make me good at it. I hated them. I snuck calculators when calculators weren’t allowed. Never learned my times tables; to this day, he’ll throw a random multiplication question at me every now and then. I was forced to go to Math Camp, which I hated. I think I might have cried one day, on the way. Nothing helped. When I went to the second Catholic school, the one with the Hive Mentality, my math teacher did a thing where we had to do warm-up problems before we could do anything else. Everyone brought up their notebooks and she’d check them, and then they’d go on to the next thing. I spent the whole class going up. I had no idea what I was doing wrong, and she refused to help me. I was in tears by the end, just writing down random answers after going through every possible way I could have gotten it wrong.

I was really good at school, once I hit public school. Always on Honor Roll. In high school, I came close to having straight A’s a few times, but math always held me back. It was pretty solidly at a C. I had one geometry teacher who refused to help me - or anyone - when we were struggling. I think I got a D. First time ever. Of course, a huge deal was made about this. The next semester, I got a new geometry teacher, and instantly shot up to an A. He was very kind and helpful, and he used colored chalk so you could see the different elements of a problem. I had like a 103%, and was super, super proud that I shot from a D to an A, and I had straight A’s. My dad just said “We’ll see how long that lasts.” When my sister got straight A’s, he gave her $100, because she was the “dumb” one, and I was the “smart” one, and I should have had straight A’s all the time???

#Tree of Life Shadow Work Challenge #Tarot #Divination #Divination Challenges #@unmaskingthedivine #Abuse #Physical Abuse #Child Abuse #Bullying #Assault #Emotional Abuse #Mental Abuse #Psychological Abuse

[cloudtgfreewritingblog]

Why I am still not in a relationship

Well, the inspiration for this blog all starts with me going through the recommended tab on my YouTube app. Suddenly, a video from a YouTuber named “Better Bachelor” shows up. The video is about the owner of the channel reviewing a video from another channel. The contents of that other video is a girl trying to use a guy’s profile on tinder to get a date with a girl. Long story short, she gets a few dozen matches, barely gets any conversations with the matched girls, and after a week she never gets any dates. The frustration, which I’m pretty certain the reviewer mentions at some point, is that women are used to getting easy matches, and suddenly struggling with it is really difficult.

The explanation was pretty simple and obvious. The standards for men using dating apps... they just want women that are attractive. The women that use the apps... can vary. There are some women that want a relationship. They look for men with good looks, money, power, etc. Some women aren’t actually looking for matches. Sure, getting treated for a meal sounds good... but according to what the “Better Bachelor” (aka Joker) was saying, they are just looking for compliments.

I had tried dating apps a few times... one time about two years ago, and another time a year or so before then. I had tried tinder, and realized that it was a waste of time. I almost never got matches, and from those I did, only 2 or 3 actually said anything. Before then, I had tried OkCupid. That was somewhat successful. Yea I actually had conversations with people. One girl I had messaged with for a while, and eventually met her a few times in person. However, that is irrelevant.

After watching several videos from this Joker guy, I remembered about my occasional resentful feelings against relationships, about the hashtag #MGTOW (Men Go Their Own Way), about the golddiggers of today... My cynicism is returning, which is why I decided to make a Tumblr blog after all this time, because that’s what my blogs are really about - expressing my resentful feelings.

Now getting back on track... By talking about my one and only long-term relationship... (yea totally on track lmao)

Many years ago, before my trials on dating apps, I was very active on Facebook using my personal account, and that’s how I interacted and planned stuff with other people. I ended up dating someone from the college I went to. I had originally treated her just like a friend. Little did I know that she was interested in me. After shopping at a mall off-campus, we went to my dorm to eat a meal. I didn’t really think of this as a date because to me it was just friendship. (How wrong I was lmao)

Anyways... We ate for a while and spent time on our phones taking selfies. After dealing with me making silly faces, she went into my room. I followed behind her, and she was on my bed. Not sure if she was laying there or sitting there.

We were just sitting there for a while. As someone who was trying to treat her as a friend, I was completely confused as to why she was acting so weirdly. She kept on trying to lean close to me, but I was like “no” and she was like “why”... but of course I didn’t really understand what she was trying to do... Friends leaning close is weird right? Lol, of course I didn’t understand her romantic interests because she didn’t spell it out. 

Now, keep in mind, this was my final year at college. I had never been in a relationship before. Never had a first kiss. I had already come to accept that I would never be in a relationship, let alone kiss someone else. So of course the idea that someone actually wanted to kiss me was completely absurd in my mind. It almost felt like she was actually acting irrationally.

This lasted 5-10 minutes until I felt uncomfortable, so I stood up and just moved to the other side of the room. I didn’t understand what was going on, or what I was feeling or why. Yea, NOW I pretty much know because I’ve thought about it for a LONG time. I’m the type of person that wants to avoid trouble, and that also means that I don’t want to trouble others. Why? Because whenever I trouble other people, karma somehow finds it way right back at me. So, I bet there was a side of me that was scared. I was worried that if I did something wrong, it was going to go badly, and somehow I would be the one finding trouble.

Another 2-3 minutes go by with her STILL on my bed, and there was me... standing awkwardly... leaning against another piece of furniture on the other side of the room. I don’t really recall the next part of our “talk”... but I’m guessing she was asking if something was wrong, and I probably said no... Frowning, she said, “well, then pucker up cowboy”.

I don’t know why she said that. I don’t even know if I fully comprehended what she was saying to me, but her words had triggered some sort of reaction inside of my brain. To this day, I don’t even know how her simple, but cryptic language ended up breaking the mental delusion that I would never be in a relationship.. but those words triggered my next action.

I moved up to her and kissed her on the lips. It lasted only a second. Of course, she jumped up and held my hands and was trying to dance with me, celebrating the moment like it was the best thing that happened to us. Me, on the contrary, was completely mortified.

I can imagine most people reading this would be shocked that a guy is mortified from his first kiss lmao. I had to add this paragraph in through editing. I don’t blame you for being shocked. This is the reaction you would expect from an anime show lol. The me today wouldn’t be mortified. Before my senior year at college, I didn’t interact much with women, let alone be in a relationship, so please don’t blame me for feeling mortified. So just go on to the next paragraph so that I can explain how I was feeling...

Digressing back into it...

Right after kissing, I was standing there and thinking to myself “wtf happened”. No seriously, like I was standing there, not understanding what was going on. Like I was getting goosebumps. I was shivering. I was scared. All this time, I was trying to be a good friend to her, and then suddenly I had kissed her. What was wrong with me?

Of course, she noticed that something was wrong, so she asked about it, and I was like, that was my first kiss. She was at least understanding. I was still in panic mode, During that panic, I’m pretty certain I asked her if she would be my girlfriend, which she accepted. We both changed our relationship statuses on our Facebook profiles then and there. And then I asked her to leave for the night so that I could spend time to myself... So that I could recover from the shock. Poor old me lmao. Don’t you pity me LOL. AND I still had to explain to my family that I was actually in a relationship. My sister’s reaction was worth it :D

Anyways...

Point was I wanted to take responsibility for that night, and took the initiative to get into a relationship. Boy, it was something. It was okay at first, but the relationship slowly ended up being rocky. Why? Because she wanted me to change. She kept on bringing up the negative sides of me. Now, I wasn’t just a regular person on the campus. I was a leader. I was involved in several clubs on campus.

Heh, funny thinking about it back then. I wanted to put the relationship before everything else, so I stopped being involved in other club activities (over time) because I wanted to spend more time with her. However, somehow that ended up backfiring. In the end, all the time I spent with her was irrelevant. Now why would that be?

Well she spelled it out. I was at the end of my time at the college, and I was soon no longer going to be around. In my mind, I was thinking that the relationship could continue, even from a long-distance perspective. I thought this way because we had messaged each other a lot on Facebook over the months we were together. However, she had thought differently. She only wanted to be in a relationship if we were together in person. She told me it would’ve been possible to be long distance if I had simply just always say everything that is on my mind...

Thinking back, there were red flags that this relationship was going to fail. She never wanted me to go to her house, she never really showed pictures of her room. She was very self-conscious of her looks, and I always had to show pictures of her before I was allowed to post them online. She was a very controlling person. Honestly, in the months following the end of the relationship, I ended up hating her. I didn’t understand why I felt that way at the time, but I’m pretty certain it was because she made me feel very insecure about myself.

Even BEFORE our relationship, I was insecure about my academic record at college. My first semester I failed a class, got an unsatisfactory in another, got a D in a third, and passed the fourth. After bringing it up to my mother, I swore I would never do that badly again. That following semester, I didn’t bring any consoles to campus. I didn’t do amazing, but my classes were decent. A’s, B’s... maybe a C/D? But good overall. My grades slowly rose up over the semesters. My senior year? I was scoring A’s for nearly all my classes, making Dean’s List the whole time.

Regarding my senior year, good grades weren’t the only good thing I had. I ended up being a leader at my dorm and at one of the school clubs I was in. Also, I started using Facebook a lot for photos and selfies. I naturally became popular. I was honestly just trying to have fun while making the most of my successes. Ironically, I feel like my life started turning upside down because I made my relationship more important than my interactions with others. So it only makes sense that I broke down after my ex had broken up with me.

You know the stupid part? As she was breaking up with me, she was trying to make me say “okay let’s break up”. Like wtf. Why did you have to make me feel this way? I never wanted to break up, but she did. I can’t forget my feelings during that phone call. She told me she wanted to break up. I was just standing there, empty, feeling nothing. I couldn’t believe it was happening. After all that time I had committed to the relationship, she wanted to break up, just like that. Like nothing had happened. Wtf. So she kept urging to me to say it was okay for us to break up... Me being the one that doesn’t want to cause trouble for others, eventually I just caved in and said “okay”. I hung up the phone and just couldn’t hold in my emotions. My sister was there that day. I turned to her and started bawling out, crying out that she had broken up with me. The last time I cried that much, I was probably in elementary school... like 3rd or 4th grade? Maybe even younger.

You want to know what’s even dumber?

Over the next several weeks, she still continued to message me. She wanted to know why I wanted to break up with her. She wanted to know how she could’ve done better. Was she crazy? Does her craziness STILL exist to this day?

Now throughout the relationship, she had mentioned to me that she was an anxious person, and she probably said that was why she would act unreasonably. Which was completely fine with me. As long as we were together, I would be able to handle anything. I would change as much as I could to make things work out. Heck, I would censor random vocabulary because using certain words would remind her of her ex. 

The messaging would continue for a little while. There was a part of me hoping that the relationship could be salvaged... But I was already broken by that point. I tried interviewing myself in a video, privating it and sharing it with her, hoping she’d watch it. But I realized that I was becoming crazy. Who the f*ck interviews themselves in a video just to finally say what they’re thinking or feeling? I just simply messaged that I hated her, and that was the end of those messages.

At this time, I was already spending less time on social media, because I just wanted to avoid any chance of interacting with her. I was still taking a final class at college, so if I ever saw her, I just canceled my class and went home. Ironically, it was around that time that I started actively using Tumblr. Heh. Yes, my resentment towards her inspired me to actively use other media platforms, like this one.

Because of her, I knew that there was something wrong with me, so I took some time to explore topics of morality, religion, politics... Exploring these topics didn’t make me popular or rich or anything... HOWEVER, I needed to take this time to explore my personality, to discover what my morality truly was, and to figure out my true feelings about controversial topics. I did this because I believed that my family was very conservative, so I was scared about exploring these topics. I was an anxious person, and I was very guarded.  I was scared of making mistakes.

The uprising of Trump made me realized that I never wanted to be a liar, and the existence of politics made me realize that I never wanted to be deceptive. The only people I have ever truly deceived were my parents, because I had to act the way they wanted me to. I wanted to change even this. To never lie or deceive. To this day it is a challenge for me, but I want to be better than I am now.

Wow I haven’t made a long blog in a while, and I’m not done yet. I haven’t even gotten to the core of this blog. Why am I STILL not in a relationship? In his videos, Joker constantly mentions that women prefer dating upwards. As an “average” guy who is not making good amounts of money (and is stingy about spending), I would not appeal to the women who are golddiggers... or women who want relationships to capitalize on how much money they can spend. Why should I bother wasting time or money on relationships when the significant other just wants more and more and more?

I just want to live a simple life. Make enough money to live and have plenty of money in reserve in case of an emergency. Then use my free time to pursue my passions, which today is watching YouTube videos, anime, and playing games. Lately I’ve spent time watching Chinese webtoons. Some are really awesome, some are meh. But I’m getting off-track...

Where was I... Oh yeah... Why am I not in a relationship..?

Lack of confidence. No presence on social media. No presence outside of my house (other than at work).

Want to know the funny part?

At work, I keep to myself, but I’m very hard-working, and I’m popular with managers and other associates alike. This has been true at every place I have worked at. I’m just amazed. Like, I even do some of the work of low-level management positions. So yea, I’m very hard-working at work. But only at work. When at home, I just want to relax.

So if I decide to pursue a relationship, how would I test my significant other? I would continue acting the way I do now. Work hard at work, relax at home. Continue being stingy. Not really upgrading my housing. How high am I willing to upgrade? A 2-bedroom and 2-bath house... with an option to expand to the basement so I can create a secret door to a secret room for myself. that’s it. I don’t want a mansion. It’d be cool if I could get a Victorian-style house, but I reckon that would be expensive. I’d rather go cheaper, safer, more affordable. Same thing with cars. I’d prefer being stingy, and putting a good amount of money into savings, and the rest into retirement.

Heck, there’s a part of me that’s paranoid about being in a relationship. Honestly, I’d be worried that she would break up because she wants to upgrade after a few years and try to take stuff that is earned by my money. So I’d probably go out of my way to make sure that our bank accounts remain separate. She can keep stuff that she buys with her account, and I keep stuff that is bought with mine. Any gifts that are proven gifts with a receipt or written contract is fine. I just don’t want to lose my stuff that I bought with my money... like my computer, or furniture...

If she doesn’t like it, that just simply means she wants to keep moving up. Wants to keep spending more. To keep getting more. That’s just the the type of greed that I despise the most. Not putting a limit on your spending...

Look, I get it. The idea of getting everything I want is enticing. I know because I was kinda spoiled as a child. If I wanted stuff, my parents actually gave me what I wanted. Ironically, I was the child that always told my parents that I didn’t want anything, no matter how many times they asked. Sure, I would put a few video games on my birthday or Christmas lists, but anything else... nope. Heck, I ended up storing hundreds of dollars in my closet and drawers over my childhood years because I never wanted to go to stores to buy anything. From an economics perspective, I guess I would be a complete anomaly.

...I just spent 10 minutes trying to search for an economics term because I can’t remember that term which I believe relates to a consumers need or want to buy something. The point I was going to make is that almost all prices are irrelevant, because I am almost never going to buy anything, other than a few things. And of those things, I’ll either go for the cheapest (for cases like food) or the best quality/price relationship (like computer parts). The reason I was an anomaly, and kinda still am, is because even if I want something, I still won’t be willing to buy things.

Getting back on track regarding partner qualifications...

In a partner, I want someone who will stick together with me, no matter what happens. My morality is to stay out of trouble, and a good part of that is to not cause trouble for others. So naturally I need to find a partner that feels the same way. As long as we both have that same core morality, I’m confident that things will work out.

There’s a part of me that thinks that compatible partners, that are currently single, don’t get into relationships because they want to stay out of trouble. It’s how I feel.

I want a partner that I can share all of my secrets with without fearing that they will share them with everyone else.... Everyone has kinks or embarrassing moments/stories, even myself. I wouldn’t want anyone to know about them, so it’s normal that I would expect her to not share it. Honestly, I wouldn’t want her sharing the secrets with her closest friends. There’s a part of me that’s controlling.

Look, we are all controlling people. We all have our sense of integrity, our sense of pride. And I’m an anxious person. I like to control my insecurities, and the best way to control them is to not reveal the secrets. Is it fine if I share it anonymously to the world? Yes, because it’s done anonymously, I keep things cryptic enough so that things can’t be linked to my real identity.

In the end, at the very least I’m certain I won’t be able to do online dating. Sure, I can try, but the reality is that although I want my partner to be fun, it’s far more important for my partner to just spend time together. I’m a clingy person, and I love the idea of having a significant other who is also clingy. Why? Because it stabilizes my sense of security, and pretty much completes my qualifications.

A partner that has the same morality, doesn’t share secrets, and is clingy is pretty much the perfect partner, the best BFF ever. Being able to share everything in the world without any fears of secrets going out or being judged by others... It’s a huge sense of relief. It’s what I want, and probably what a bunch of us want. To feel welcome by others without being troubled.

So one day, yea I want to be in a relationship. But I want to be in a relationship with the right person. Not the perfect person. Not necessarily an attractive person. But the RIGHT person for me. Wealth is irrelevant, because the point is that the two of us would go through things together.

Well that wraps up my blog. This is definitely a long one, wow. I feel like I should do this more often. I actually spent two hours typing it, and probably will spend 10-20 minutes editing... BUT I definitely wanted to put my thoughts out there. I’m definitely imagining what it’d be like if people that I knew actually read this lmao. Remember I’m an anxious person.

So my responses for each type... To my ex, hope you are doing well, but I want nothing to do with you because of my bitter resentment. To that one girl on OkCupid, I’m just sorry that I stopped messaging you... Honestly you were the person I opened up to the most, but I felt shame because I was in between jobs and needed to focus on getting the next one. I was also worried because I felt like I was troubling you. To anyone else who knows me... If you see me just pretend you never read this lmao.

So yea... that’s pretty much that. Again, thanks for spending the time to read this. You didn’t have to. I’m sure you got better things to do. But if you are reading this, I’m guessing you are relatable because you had to search for this... Unless you saw a future blog and are looking back to this... Well hi and thanks for reading! Don’t mind my resentfulness, it’s just a part of me.

If you want to message me about anything, or just want to share a relatable story, go ahead and share it. I’ll take time to read it. Don’t worry, like some fools out there, I’m actually capable of keeping secrets. Heck I’ve been practicing keeping secrets since elementary school. I keep secrets until I’ve forgotten them. That’s how important keeping a secret is to me.

Regardless..

Time to end this blog. Thanks and maybe I’ll type some more... Peace

-CloudTG