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#dysphoria makes me feel silly
bl00dylavender · 7 months
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sometimes.
most of the time i’m okay when i’m around you. most of the time i’m me and i’m myself. most of the time we are just two friends laughing together. but there are sometimes. sometimes my dysphoria takes over. and i become a different person. and it makes me hate you. it makes me hate your voice and your muscles and your jokes and your laugh and everything else in between. it makes me angry. it makes me feel robbed. because that should be me. that should be me. i should have the flat chest and the deep voice and the boyish charm and the strong muscles. i should be roughhousing with our other roommates. i should be making sex jokes at you all too. but instead it isn’t. and instead i’m me. sometimes i get enraged. and i want to scream and cry. i want to throw myself at the cold hard ground until i look bloodied and beat up and you can’t tell if it’s a boy or a girl you’re looking at. i want to rip the guitar out of your hands and smash it over your head. i want to punch you and scream and yell because you have everything i want. and it isn’t fair. and when these sometimes happen, i feel so guilty afterwards that i can barely look you in the eye. it isn’t your fault. it’s not your fault i was born wrong. but during these sometimes it sure does feel like it.
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wrylu · 2 months
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idk why i'm so moody these days but i find my despair funny
aka my average day as of now
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goblingirlpicnic · 1 month
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✨❤️😃Please put me down 😃❤️✨
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newtafterdark · 9 months
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To get sentimental for a moment -
it's still so wild to me that out of a silly "what if I redesign a shell of a character from an old Half-Life machinima series & give him some meat (both in terms of personality & making him a bear) haha" moment, I made a character that continues to bring folks comfort.
Me... very much included. Last year I managed to stomach a harsh dysphoria flare-up at my first ever Pride event because I literally just imagined him pep-talking me through & out of it.
And it worked. Hell, it still helps when I can't wear a binder some days & I got a man with a southern drawl telling me that I only gotta be outside for a couple of hours & that I should try un-tensing my shoulders whenever I can.
I plan on getting the confidence to go to more queer spaces in general too... and I just know going "What Would Beauty Do?" will genuinely help. It's the whole "fake it 'til you make it" thing, yeah, but if it helps, it helps, ya know?
I don't know how I made a character is this helpful but I am happy it happened.
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mollymarymarie · 1 year
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hi! are you okay with people putting your fics on stuff like goodreads and the storygraph ?
I think people have already done so! I'm not sure how I feel about it, as far as I understand goodreads, it's basically just reviewing books. and my fics aren't really "book quality" but i get that people want to recommend things and give their opinions to others, so. eh. I suppose it's fine, really. and thanks for asking, friend
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mugiwara--ya · 2 years
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fuck it, enby luffy icon for pride month lol
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bubbled-clouds · 2 years
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local enby finds out they Aren’t built different, they just fail to see themselves as a human being
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punk-dad-sharkz · 4 months
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i hate talking about dysphoria with cis ppl because they immediately clock it as body dysmorphia, and only as body dysmorphia. (i say only bc some trans ppl can and do experience both)
i can't talk about how i hate how my thighs make me feel/look feminine because they always say "but you look fine!" or "i think you look amazing!" or "but you should love them!"
and it's so hard to describe dysphoria, especially to ppl who don't experience it, or who don't want to understand it isn't dysmorphia
and no matter how hard you try to explain they always try to make you love this body you have because "you should love yourself as you are!"
but i do love myself. but not quite exactly how i am. i love what i know I can be. i love knowing that one day i'll have top surgery scars i can trace with my fingers and a scratchy beard from T. i love knowing that I can eventually do my silly little effeminate gestures without hating how it makes me look. i love knowing that eventually i can look in a mirror and grin at the man i've become.
but that's not right now. i may cry a little when a shirt doesn't fit the way it should, but i don't hate the body that makes it that way. I may feel a pit in my stomach when I realize the way that i'm standing makes me look girly, but i don't hate that i'm standing that way.
i don't hate that i used to be a girl but i hate when people still think i am.
i don't hate my body, i just hate how it isn't what it's supposed to be quite yet. could that make any sense to the cis folks reading this?
I am trans and I love my body, just sometimes it doesn't love me back. and one day it will.
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martyarchive · 1 year
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sorry for being sad on main but i hate my speech patterns + my voice in general so much 🕺
#............................................................................................................................................#.........................................................................................................................................#i am smart but i come off as so ineloquent and childish all the time because i dont think hard before i talk... like i think as im talking#+ i interrupt people its by far my most annoying habit and im very aware of it but ive tried every trick in the book i cant help myself!!!!#+ i know that i CAN talk eloquently i just struggle so much when im actually talking -_- i just say words as they come to me -#- i have no filter everything i say is just stream of consciousnessand im not that smart! i cant regulate how well i think lol#+ i have a speech impairment + its so awful like why meeee#+ i rlly do not like my accent which is a dumb insecurity because like. my accent is objectively fine + i like it on my friends -#- and my family and stuff i just feel like...... i sound so dumb or whatever!!!!! i cant put my finger on it it just really really bugs me#also being insecure abt my accent is so silly because like. im a big nerd i love accents i am an accent enjoyer so why do i hate mine. its-#-just the same as virtually every accent in the world............#i dont know. its a silly insecurity 2 have but my voice rlly bugs me and not in a normal dysphoria way where its toofemme cuz-#- i like my voice sans-hrt. its an okay pitch and stuff i just talk funny...#and i absorb like. turns of phrase + whatnot pretty easily + i dont like it it makes me feel weird lol#also idk i think my speech patterns are annoying. like to me and to others lol!!!!#THE END THANKS 4 READING#delete later
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shaisuki · 5 months
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Can you do (separate scenarios of course <3)Bachira, Nagi, Chigiri, and whoever else you’d like to add in a scenario where their chubby and soft girlfriend tries her hardest not to be insecure about her body but the insecurity really sneaks up on her a lot? So like, when the bfs find out, not only do they comfort her, but they show her just how much they love and adore her body if you catch my drift <3 Thank you so much!!
ENDLESS ADORATION
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ft. bachira meguru, nagi seishiro, chigiri hyoma, barou shoei
content warnings ─── body insecurities, self-loathing, body dysphoria, smut, mean barou, implied fingering, degradation.
notes. i'm so sorry it took so long nonnie. it wasn't deleted or anything but i hope you like it, nonnie. thank you for requesting!
ᝰ synopsis .ᐟ don't ever let them catch you being insecure about your body, they had plenty of ways to show you how much they adore your body and you.
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BACHIRA MEGURU
“you could be so mean to me, baby.” he whispers. his hands roaming all over to the expanse of your soft body. his bright yellow eyes glowing more than ever at its reflection in the mirror.
he got you trapped from his grip. his arms snaking to your soft middle while his jaw rests on your shoulder. caught in the middle of you criticizing yourself and bachira wouldn't allow that. “how selfish.” he mutters. his teeth grazing at the shell of your ear and it sends the slightest of tremors throughout your body.
you can't help but to tear up a bit. “h—how am i selfish, megu?” you stammer. avoiding your reflection at the large mirror in front of you. you don't want to see yourself nor catch him staring at you with those round eyes of his. so full of life, enthusiasm. confidence. a thing that you will never attain.
“you're selfish for hating, keeping this body that is mine. who gave you that idea, hmm? it's not your place to judge this body that i dearly love and its owner.” he hums, chuckling that it reverberates to your skin and to your aching core. his palm gliding through your stomach lifting the pesky clothing to reveal the stomach that's far from being leaned nor toned. it is round, the excess fat protruding giving you the impression of a pouch but bachira could careless about it. his fingers sinking to the soft flesh, like paws of cat kneading and pressing the fleshiness of your skin.
“what if this cute stomach of yours is flat? i couldn't hold it. what i am going to do with my hands...” he mutters, pinching your stomach then his fingers glides through the skin of your thighs. “this thighs of yours, how is it going to crush me if this isn't that thick, warm me even. so selfish.” prying your thighs open and his hand settles to the mound between them. slender and nimble fingers brushing through your panties. rubbing your slit and a huge grin plastered in his face when the wetness of your fat pussy began to drench your panties.
“don't be mean to this body of mine, baby. perhaps i'll show you what i'm capable of to make those silly ideas forming in your head disappear.” he says, pressing a chaste kiss to your round cheek.
“i hope you can take me cause i ain't stopping.” bachira's eyes glowing more than ever and you know what it means when he get this riled up. his grin wider and you braced yourself. you know it all too well and you accepted it.
those thoughts of yours wouldn't be visiting you anytime soon after bachira had fucked you into oblivion.
NAGI SEISHIRO
nagi isn't insecure.
the word is foreign to him and the feeling of it. he's lazy, unmotivated and such unwanted thoughts isn't welcome and worth worrying over. why would he bother with such thing when in the first he didn't care. that's what he thought until he met you.
his soft, chubby girlfriend who had been nothing but loving and supporting to him. nagi didn't quite the gist when he caught you staring at yourself in the mirror with a frown in your lips. he only looks at you briefly before going back to his console. paying it no mind since when did nagi felt of being insecure.
then it began to affect him and yours. mostly yours. when you began to push his affections.
“seishiro, not now please.” your voice coming in a low whisper. gently pushing your white haired boyfriend in his head. shifting into more of a comfortable position in your bed. nagi groans, lips curling into a frown. a rare occurrence of him. he doesn't get upset since he don't like giving things the benefit of his time when he can give it to something more important.
he doesn't stop though. his huge build hovering above yours before putting his whole weight to yours. “sei!” you scolded him but nagi didn't listen burying his face in to your neck. nuzzling like a cat, he's almost purring from it.
he shakes his head. interlocking his fingers with yours. placing it beside yours and you were left powerless against your boyfriend's overwhelming strength. his lips finding refuge in your neck, tongue moving to lick the soft spot of your neck.
this isn't nagi who would make an effort to go down in you. well, at times when he's feeling it. the need to show you how much he loves you.
“pretty.” he murmurs. his hand now holding your thigh even though his large palm engulfs the majority of your thigh it wasn't enough to cover how big it was. placing it beside his torso grind his bulge to your cunt. “i always need you, want you.” he says. pressing a sloppy, lazy kiss to your lips.
nagi isn't good at words but he's willing to try for his soft, chubby girlfriend. it would be troublesome if he can't get his girl out of those thoughts of hers.
CHIGIRI HYOMA
chigiri's blessed with his looks that every people that within his eyesight cranes their neck to marvel at his looks. it didn't matter that he was rather feminine than other girls and he gets teased a lot by the guys around him. he just take after his mother.
there's no time to feel inadequate at things let alone how he perceive himself. he couldn't remember when the last time he felt insecure or been really insecure about himself and then he fell in love with you or it is that how being in love is. he have you and he was contented at that and being with you. he has to fight the battles that dwells inside you and chigiri isn't good at it. comforting another human being even it is his significant other.
so he tries. sees your eyes brimming with tears whenever he calls you pretty and he's confused.
“i'm not chigiri! look at you, you're beautiful and i'm not, you're lying.” he was taken aback at your outburst at him but he is quick to wipe your tears away while he whispers the very words that comforts you.
his sweet, crybaby.
“so, i am but you will always be my pretty baby.” brushing the loose strands of his reddish pink hair to see you better. he kisses you desperately like you were the air to fill his lungs to breathe again and you both stared at each other. he smirks when he sees you're already in a daze. mind spinning and only you can think is him.
his nimble fingers working through the garment of your panties. toying with hem before pulling at it downward to show that pretty pussy he's deprived of.
so he pumps his finger full in in your sopping hole. watch as it drips with slick coating his fingers. hear that delicious squelch while he stretches you. his ego inflating the more he hears you moan, call his name in the same breathy way that got you begging from him. all your insecurities dissipating like bubbles from the way his fingers stretches you out. he could do this forever.
wait until he fucks you dumb. you will forget those stupid insecurities along with your name.
BAROU SHOEI
barou doesn't play nice nor comfort you with those silly, sweet words that one needs to hear when in a struggle of battling with themselves. he simply doesn't need to play nice and comfort you and what only to question it again.
his actions says otherwise. he got you on all fours, your ass raised in a position you never knew you could. his hands gripping your round stomach so tight while he pounds you from the back. it is relentless. the groans and the moans mixing with one another while you hold tightly in his muscular arms his other hand cupping your jaw. forcing you to look in the mirror.
“you are nothing but my cocksleeve.” he says in between grunts. his red eyes glimmering, peering at his girlfriend who is currently sobbing, moaning like a broken record while tears streamed down at her round face. you whimper at what he just called you.
“you are. there's no denial in that. look at you, crying a baby and yet your pussy squeezing me like a whore.” the words stung and he spoke it the way he means it and barou isn't known to lie. his tongue made of barbed wires that is meant to hurt, talk about how awful everyone and you believed it that you are his own for him to use. your cries a little louder and thick droplets of your tears falling from your eyes.
it's funny how his words hurt you and it works like magic forgetting your earlier dilemma of hating yourself, of hating the body you live with.
you let him. bruise your body with his thrusts, with his touch. if this is the only way to forget everything so be it.
and so he did. he breathes in your cheek. growling at the way your cunt clenches tightly around him. you did feel so good to him. he cups your jaw harder, squishing it with much strength that you can't speak. your body reeling in sensitivity that you failed to notice how he pays attention to your soft bits. particularly to the parts where it leaves you frowning and he loves every part of you.
that's why he gives them the love, the care that you will never bother to give but available to scrutinize and he's filling out that so one day, you'll stop looking at them that they've wronged you and barou isn't the one to get mushy. he is still the hotheaded, competitive, bulky man that would not admit he loves you but his actions tells another story.
with the tight squeeze of your cunt around him, he finally reaches his high. yours and his orgasm hurling at you both that he can't help but to bite your shoulder and you — only a broken moan that music to his ears.
if this is the only way to shut you up and comfort, he'll do it over and over again until you can't speak no more and your eyes are brimmed with tears.
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thepepsislvt · 3 months
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nobody asked for this but im gonna give you my top 5 baby girls and their pros and cons
in order even bc im insane
this also turned out to be more of a drabbles so yall still getting fed
number 5: Sanji
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Pros:
literally such a sweetheart
traumatized just like me
always coming with the best insults
best cuddles cant tell me im wrong
so fucking kind <3
supports my nic addiction
also doesnt smoke around you if you dont like it
Cons:
probably wouldnt even look at me until i show him my tits (im a trans guy)
probably smokes a pack a day
thinks he can out smoke me when im literally a feind for nic
on the off chance he gets in a relationship with me he still would flirt with other women and i have abandonment issues
Number 4: Ace
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Pros:
Also very much a sweetheart
hes silly and knows how to always make you laugh
personal heater for the winter
will let you trace his freckles
best kisses ong
make cute little shapes with his flames
Cons:
probably wont let you wear his hat
will fake punch you like a brother
too damn sexy
also way too hot during the summer like do not cuddle me i will not go to sleep in the heat
Number 3: Bartolomeo
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Pros:
his hair is green meaning hes gotta be a walking green flag
will let you wear his clothes
especially his jacket
wants to kiss you every chance he can
fanboys over anything
hypes you up for anything you want to do
Cons:
doesnt clean his piercings so you have to force him
doesnt understand personal space
Number 2: Rosinante
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Pros:
another man that will let you wear his clothes
theyre gonna be huge since hes 9 foot 7
big friendly giant
when he trips bc hes clumsy he requires your kisses to feel better
will pick you up and carry you around if you let him
lets you help him with his makeup
always makes time for you no matter what hes doing
smile brighter than my future
Cons:
Number 1: Izou
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Pros:
bro is damn gorgeous
will ask your opinion on everything when shopping for makeup
will even do your makeup if you want him to
self care king
even when youre not feeling it he will at least help you do the most basic things
very patient with only you
big on protecting you
smooches your forehead or temple a ton
has you help with his nightly routine
Cons:
has you ALWAYS help with his nightly routine
“oh im too tired can you do it yourself tonight?”
“Thats too damn bad my hair needs to shine brighter than the sun”
always looks more stunning than you (when is it my turn buddy >:( )
doing his makeup last over an hour
(this one is personal but i wanna cosplay him so bad but hes so feminine im scared i might get mad dysphoria)
thats all :)
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brooke2valley · 19 days
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BROOKE
I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT TRANS-RELATED QUESTION
Which species tailless of tailless whip scorpion is your favourite? :0
No okay real stuff though, I just wanna say I appreciate your work a lot. I'm only a bit less than 4 months into my medical transition (still eternally boymoding cause I'm silly like that) and yeah I just always look forward to you posting again. You were actually mainly why I ended up making a Tumblr account, back when you made the switch xD
Seeing you post a picture of yourself back then was also what finally gave me the confidence to do the same!!! It's hard sometimes but it really helped me get out of a bubble of dysphoria.
So yeah I know this is silly and like, very parasocial-weirdo of me, but I luv ya lots, keep doing what you're doing, you're great!🫶❤️
The Charinus acosta is cool lol
I'm glad youre making steps to feel more comfortable with yourself and be who you are.
Little known fact, i (for the most part) boymoded for the first 9 months of transition.
Didn't at work and with friends, cuz i trusted them but for strangers... It took me awhile to feel comfortable enough with myself to present to strangers.
Although to be clear, i was bad at it. I still used my fem voice and hoped to be gendered as a girl lol.
It will get better, i Believe in you
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nxathyx · 9 months
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nicknames
Pet names I think bungo stray dogs characters would use for their s/o
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Armed Detective Agency
Atsushi Nakajima
°I feel like he'd usually just call you by your name or a nickname
°like if your name is Natalie or Nathaniel definitely would call you Nat or Nath (this is just an example)
°also something simple like "Angel"
°he says you're like a guardian angel and keep him stable
Dazai Osamu
°probably belladona or shorter versions of that like Bella or Dona
°would definitely call you cringe pet names just to laugh about it with you like "hey pookie bear😍😍" (I hate myself)
°maybe an occasional darl or baby
°I feel like he'd call you doll as well (he stole it from Chuuya)
°pretty girl/boy I don't know why
°I don't know I feel like he uses pet names as satire and prefers using your actual name or your nickname
Kunikida Doppo
°this man does not use pet names, like I can't imagine him saying anything
°maybe dear, I don't know what else though
Ranpo Edogawa
°I also don't think he's into pet names
°I don't know like he'd be too lazy to make something up for you
°also just sticks to your name/nickname/Diminutive
°the same as Atsushi except he'd also use "Nathy" (just a random name example)
Tanizaki Junichirou
°BRO HE GIVES ME DISCORD KITTEN VIBES AND I DON'T KNOW WHY...
° "hey kitten😻😻, get on bed wars you're making Daddy angy👿👿
°also uses your name the most probably
°an occasional "lovely"
Yosano Akiko
°probably "love" or a simple "hun"
°either that or your name/nickname
°probably randomly comes up and is like "hey gorgeous/handsome"
Edgar Allan Poe
(putting him here cause I don't know over half of the guild and won't write for them he's also basically an agency member at this point)
°probably darling, dear, sweetheart
°idk he just gives of the vibe
°but I think he'd also prefer just your regular name
Port Mafia
Chuuya Nakahara
°darling
°dear
°baby
°doll
°I don't know why but he'd use Spanish nicknames, like mi amor, mi vida, cariño, mi cielo, mi corazón
°maybe princess/prince
°pretty boy/pretty girl (especially if you're trans and have really bad dysphoria)
°also really like using your name, just plain and simple
°lovely
°my love
°maybe dove
°wifey/hubby
°definetly called you a bitch before
Akutagawa Ryuunoske
°he thinks it's cringe
°once he called you dear and amor (he learnt it from Chuuya)
°just sticks to your full name
Tachihara Michizo
°he gives me "babe" or "bae" vibes and I don't like it 😭
°definetly a "sweetheart" guy
°probably princess/prince as well
Gin Akutagawa
°probably "sweetie"
°other than that I doubt they'd use anything
Higuchi Ichigo
°honey
°your name
°darling
°honey
Koyou Ozaki
°darling/darl
°dear
°honey
°sweetie
*sweetheart
Decay of Angels
Fyodor Dostoyevski
°malyshka
°dear
°doll
°my only one
°he uses those very rarely though and prefers to use your name
Nikolai Gogol
°he calls you something silly
°"hey my gorgeous tampon wrapper"
°like huh😧😧
°uses dove as well
°my free space in bingo 😻😻
°I don't fucking know Bro😭😭
°he probably called you his discord kitten once as a joke In front of Fyodor and Sigma (they're scarred now)
°also the same as ranpo just your name/nickname/Diminutive (prefers nicknames and diminutives)
Sigma
°my love
°darling
°angel
°sweetheart
°just your full name as well
°definetly called you a saint before
Bram Stoker
°I don't think he'd use nicknames
°I don't know Bro is a vampire
°my little vamp vamp🤭🤭
Hunting Dogs
Tetchou Suehiro
°angel
°dear
°sweetie
°he'd definitely call you hubby/wifey
Jouno Saigiku
°bastard
°idiot
°dumbass
°(how romantic)
°I think he'd rather just use your name honestly aquífy
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mitoad · 27 days
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giggling ab this okay so
imagine gaz n reader, they've just started to date
and reader is trans (ftm) but gaz doesn't know that yet
but then after a few weeks of dating reader is taking their T in the bathroom/bedroom and had forgotten to lock the door & gaz walks in oh no,,
YEAH so!!! i hope that's enough to.. you know. yeah!!!! i 💗 ur fics sm.
(we need more ftm fics RIGHT NOW!!)
whoEVER ANON IS . I LOVE U . Thank u so so so so much 4 this request my fingers have been acting to write m or ftm content u have appealed to my deepest desires . myways this rq is super silly i love chilled out gay mf and nervous closeted trans mf dynamic so much. 
Also posted on trans visibility day lets GOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
the same (always changing); kyle 'gaz' garrick + trans male! reader (979 words)
notes: some implied and described internalised transphobia, mentions of transphobia, mentions of gender dysphoria, reader does not have top surgery yet, partial nudity on reader (non-sexual), little hurt/comfort type w/ fluff at the end !!
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It wasn’t meant to be a secret. It really wasn't.
But here you are, cooped up in the cold premise of your shared bathroom, waiting for the gel to dry into your skin as you stare at your figure in the mirror, noticing the little changes with a strange sense of europhia. You wished you could run back to the arms of your boyfriend as you ramble about how good the hormones have been working, how you can see your outer shell peeling open to show the man who's been living in the inside, a feedback loop that had you seeing yourself in reflections instead of skin and hair and face that you'd barely recognised. Maybe his face would melt into that gorgeous smile, arms pulling you closer to him like he's seeping off the happiness he swears he sees seeping off your skin's pores. But it's the flip of a coin, a winning ticket in an uncertain lottery.
you're not so sure if Kyle would love the kind of person you were.
gender hadn't ever been a point of focus in your conversations, never something that had to be caught and pinned down with word or thought. he was a man, you were a man, and you loved each other. both of you did your best to keep it at that simplicity. but part of you, like the serpent to adam and eve, had always doubted whether kyle would look at you with the same eyes if you somehow ended up showing him your childhood photos or now-invalid passport, the face that was still soaked with dysphoria-ridden tears. 
the gel is still sticking to your ribs when the door practically flies off its hinges slamming against concrete walls and gaping open your closed eyes with ugly sound. There's a groan of exasperation that should make you giggle, but only makes already tense muscles almost turn to stone. "honey, you done ? really need to take a fat shi-" 
And then there's that silence both unsurprising but dreaded, how it felt to inhale smoke. 
You hate the shock as his eyes run over your bare chest in realisation, feeling any words about to come out crawling back into your windpipe as he notices the thin layer of gel and the label of the bottle on the sink. 
"love?" he calls, an endearing substitute replacing your name. you didn’t know if he'd call you that, even after this revelation. Or did he not know what else to call you now that this had been revealed ? "kyle," you echo. 
please just look at me, kyle. 
his eyes still look the same as how they look at you; stormclouds that accompany you on lonely and rainy nights, and your eyes can't help on focus on the pretty shade of grey instead of the battering of water droplets hitting against tin. Not once  does it ever shift to malice or hatred- only worry, for you, maybe. 
"do you want to talk about it right now ?" isn't the response that you expected. It's an gentle offer, and extended hand waiting for you to take or push away, more freeing than astute observations of your perceived identity or the bitter words hissed out when others had realised. You can only nod your head in response. 
"im sorry," you say, and you don’t know how much (what you're) apologising for. Sorry for never telling you. Sorry for making a distance that could have been avoided. Sorry for being this without your permission, anyone else's permission. 
but he's quick to hold you and the shame that you carry , not minding any of the gel residue on his shirt. "hey, no, it's okay," his voice is gentle, reaching out for your secluded self. "remember what I told you when we first started dating?" he puts a hand to your head, playing with your hair as he pulls you closer to him. "I love all of you, dove. Everything." he rests his chin onto your shoulder, murmuring the words into your ear. And you can't help but hug back, clinging to him like a lifeline. Your lifeline. "I love you too," you muse.
you both stay there for a minute before he pulls away with a complaint of some back pain from a recent mission, and you kiss his nose, allowing yourself to smile for the first time since he'd entered the room. "so.." you start, now perched on the rim of the bathtub. "you're ok with me being trans?"
you giggle when he deadpans at you, "love, I just hugged you for 5 full minutes after seeing you apply testosterone instead of taking a shit. I don’t really care if you're trans." 
and after your testosterone dries and you put on your shirt, you both in bed, tangled up in each other's arms. ramblings about little stories or town gossip. professions of grandiose love guised under quiet murmurs. the hormones are still a little crusty on your skin, but they're doing the work that should have been done since birth. 
The same, always changing. 
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luckyclovernb · 11 months
Text
CW: gender dysphoria
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It's an odd feeling, thinking you're one thing all of your life and never considering the possibility that you could be something else.... And maybe it sounds silly, but after getting into SDJ and meeting Jack I became more honest with myself and how I truly felt. And it made me realize that I can decide who I want to be. So thank you Jack, for inspiring me to be a better person and to accept all parts of myself. And to those struggling with figuring out who you are, you are not alone and I am proud of you for making it this far.
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headcannons for spy, medic, scout, and sniper, with a transmasc S/O?
(Hell yea man, trans guy myself so this is right up my alley B) Thx for requesting! :D)
Spy, Medic, Scout and Sniper w/ a trans masc S/O!
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ─── 
☆Spy☆
He took up drag both femme + masc in his younger years to help his disguises, so he’ll help you look more masculine 
“Mon chéri, you really must stop using gauze to bind, it is not doing your chest or yourself any favors. If you don’t have a proper binder you can use pantyhose, you know.”
He’d take you to help you get a tailored suit and put on a tie if you were never taught as a child
When you get the horrors (dysphoria and or period ) he’ll stay with you to help you in his smoking room
“Darling, will you please stop grabbing my knife so you’ll respawn without your period? It’s not gonna work, you’ve tried it before.”
“Ugh, fine. …can I pretty please get a kiss then?”
“...You’re not getting the cyanide in my teeth either.”
“Come on!”
☆Medic☆
He’s pretty well versed in this kind of thing, as an ex-doctor who isn’t bound by the law at all he’s definitely performed gender-affirming surgeries in secret in the past (for the price of a few unnecessary organs or course)
He’d offer to do your top + bottom surgery for the boyfriend discount of not stealing any of your body parts
He’s completely fine if you don’t want that though 
“It doesn’t matter what you have in your pants, schatz, what matters is that you have a man’s heart.”
“Aw, Ludwig—”
“And a man's kidney, lungs, ohoho! And an especially manly appendix.”
(it’s medic he’s gonna be a little silly)
The second you mention you’re on your period he immediately gets so much stuff for you, painkillers, a hot water bottle, blankets and snacks for you
Will pamper the hell out of you
If you’re getting hit with dysphoria he’ll reassure you
“I just- I just don’t feel like a man right now.”
“You? Not a man? Nonsense! If you weren’t a man, I wouldn’t be dating you, now would I?”
“I know, but-”
“But nothing, you are sehr männlich, and my mein Freund, those silly thoughts won’t change that.”
☆Scout☆
You’re gonna need to help him out a little bit
“So like– you’re a guy right? But you got a girl’s body or whatever, so is this gay or not?”
“It’s gay, Jeremy.”
“Okay, okay, just double-checkin’.”
If you’re on your period he tries to help in the main way he does with you: cuddles
He’d wrap his arms around your waist from behind and hold you and the hot water bottle pressed to your stomach close to him
Kisses your neck and just rambles about how handsome you are
“You’re a real hot guy, y’know that, prince? Jus’ makes you even stronger that you go through all this shit.”
“Shut up.”
“You picked the wrong guy to date if you wanted someone who could shut up, hotcakes. You’re stayin’ here and hearing about how handsome you are for a while.”
☆Sniper☆
Bro does not give a shit imma be real
“Mate, I couldn’t care less whether or not you’re a gal, a bloke, or a bloody alien. You’re sweet, and ya make me smile.”
Def relates to you with not fitting in with the other kids in childhood
If you’ve had top surgery y’all are chest scar bfs
When you get dysphoric he’ll get you two to do stuff to distract you
[quick, instantaneous, sudden] camping trips, hunting, hiking, or even trying to shoot at the blu base for funsies
Can’t be dysphoric when you’re running for your life, right?
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
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