#don’t mind me I’m just depressed

[araindropshallfall]

The thing is, I’m well-aware there’s great tv out there right now. I even follow and enjoy my own fair share of prestige television.

But god doesn’t it all kinda feel like it’s starting to become the same thing? So many feel like they exist for the purpose of critical acclaim and awards. There’s so much money poured into these shows and they’re good but they feel like the whole point behind them is to make money.

Ofmd was a show that was so wholly and sincerely itself. It didn’t box itself into being just one thing and it took risks. It also had fun. I just don’t feel like enough shows have fun anymore. Not enough of them feel heartfelt. Even the best of the best television is starting to feel soulless to me because I’m being told the same stuff is good over and over again.

Ofmd wasn’t the last of its kind, but the number of shows doing something different right now is dwindling. And it’s depressing as hell.

(Gif by @wondersmith-and-sons)

#this isn’t even factoring in what it means for queer stories!!!!!!! #our flag means death #ofmd #don’t mind me I’m just depressed #I’ve wanted to write for tv for so many years of my life and seeing what’s happening to it right now #coupled with AI #has left me feeling so disenchanted #tune in next time when I write the essay I’ve had in my head for months about the current state of comedy television as a genre

[cecelovegood]

Okay, but thinking of asphodel as a forest.

Imagine 12 year old Hazel, wandering through that forest for 80 years. All alone, watching as the souls around her turn into trees.

Think about when she meets Nico, a person who doesn’t just look right through her. And she has hope.

#don’t mind me #I’m just being depressing #💕 #percy jackson #hazel levesque #pjo #annabeth chase #pjo show #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo spoilers #percy jackson spoilers #grover underwood #nico di angelo #underworld #hoo #riordanverse #percy jackon and the olympians #heroes of olympus #underworld siblings #hades #son of neptune #lightning thief

[skyward-floored]

Don’t say that! I love your writing so much!!! There’s nothing wrong with sticking to canon, and the way you write all the characters is amazing! You have such great characterization and the way you write emotions is just incredible!

Your writing is absolutely incredible, even if you may not believe it yourself you contribute a lot to this fandom and I know you’ve definitely made some of my awful days better just because I read some of the things you’ve published. Every time I see you post I get excited because I love your content so much!

The things you create are valuable and lovely because they’re yours! They are wholeheartedly and entirely yours! That is what makes them amazing! It makes it unique and beautiful and no one else can make it!

I know it’s hard to believe and your mentality won’t change just because I, one insignificant person you’ve never met, said this, but I hope someday you can believe it.

Until then, I (and so, so many other people, I imagine) will remind you as many times as you need. I hope you have an excellent night and I offer you hugs 🫂

Ohhh anon

I was having a moment of self-doubt and getting frustrated with my writing so I decided to go do something else, and then I come back and see this lovely message that makes me cry 💖

You’re so sweet anon, thank you so much for your kind words. They mean a lot 😭

#it’s just #hard sometimes #to remember people do like what I write #and I know I know I’ve been posting stuff pretty regularly lately #but like #I truly haven’t updated any of my longer stuff in what feels like forever #and that really depresses me because I feel like I’m letting people down #even though I know I should take my time #I guess it just makes me frustrated I can’t keep to a regular schedule even though other people seem to manage it fine #idk #plus how I stick generally close to canon #I guess it’s just hard to remember people enjoy that and don’t mind waiting #even if I tell myself I’m a failure for taking forever to update stuff #but all that to say #I really appreciate you anon <3 thank you #answers from the floor #anon

[anicehomicidaltree]

“Nadel und Faden” (or Needle and Stitch for you english speakers) is such a Mind coded song

German:

English:

#I haven’t listened to the english version bc I think I would cringe my eyes out like with every dubbed german thing #but fr this is a mind song to me #like he’s blaming the kid for their lack of motor skills but their literally just a kid #basically if u haven’t heard it (I don’t blame u) it’s about an adult bringing way too serious equipment for something minor #like a child gets a scrape and the first thing they suggest is stitches #and then blaming them for not being able to do their own sutures #this may come across as me infantalizing heart but i think this is just how mind acts not just to heart #he panics in serious situations and goes to the most dramatic solution like the “I’ll cut you loose” line and all that #just like how needles and stitches are unfit for a simple scrape; killing your emotions is not the correct way to deal with depression #anyways I just bought harvey’s new eyes on switch and I’m real excited to play it :]]]]]]]]] #chonny jash #cccc #chonnys charming chaos compendium #cj mind #harveys neue augen #harveys new eyes #edna and harvey #edna bricht aus #tree mumblings

[buffysummers]

.

#I literally hate being poor #I mean I am sure everyone hates it #but not being able to afford food #or like… going to the movies or doing anything #it’s so depressing and stifling #I hate that I get paid every two weeks and then in a matter of days I’m completely out of money #bc I had to pay all my bills and then bam it’s all gone #and I don’t have money to even buy groceries #I hate how little my job pays me and how expensive it is to live where I live #I hate how competitive my field is and how little job opportunities there are #I’m just so bitter rn it’s probably bc I’m starving and cranky and ugh #don’t mind my rant I’m sure no one read this but I needed to vent #this will be deleted in a little bit

[romance-incubomp3]

like if therapy and meds help you that’s so cool but it drives me insane how people treat those as some magical cure all that EVERYONE needs to seek out even though the psych industry is fucked and biased and not affordable and if trying to find a good therapist or find the right meds is doing nothing but causing you even more stress and anxiety even after you’ve been trying to get help for years than maybe it’s not worth it at that point

#do people just like forget that every med has a shit load of potential side affects?? #that can make your mental health and even physical health WORSE?? #like no one in my family has actually had meds work for them #they just kind of. didn’t do anything for me and my #brother is cursed with getting the Bad side effects of any medication he takes #so like #and when you have mental health conditions that entail #having an incredibly difficult time opening up emotionally or even talking about vulnerable topics #what’s the fucking point #I’d go thousands of dollars into debt before a therapist would ever get me to open up #and that’s IF I was lucky enough to find one that worked for me #also no psych is gonna solve the housing and economy crisis lol #they can’t do anything for me being depressed cause I’m stuck living in a tiny apartment crammed with other people! #even therapists and psychs have straight up told me I don’t seem to benefit from their services #idk just like. if you see that a mentally ill person isn’t on therapy or on meds by choice #consider there’s a reason for that and mind your own fucking business lol

[frecklystars]

crying for the 400th time because I’m so grateful that Barbie and Ken breathed life back into me. I love them so much. I owe these 70 y/o crotchless dolls my life I’m not even joking 😭😭

#i don’t think I go a day without shedding tears over these!!! actual dolls!!!! #every time I see Ken I’m just 😭😭😭💖💞💖💘💓💘💓💖💞💞💞💖💓💖💘💕 #like not to be dramatic but I absolutely wouldn’t have survived if I didn’t have these two to keep me going #I look back on just months ago when I was so fuckin hopeless and depressed and like #genuinely feeling like I was going out of my mind with how empty I felt and how paranoid and scared #and how bad my flashbacks used to be #and then Barbie and Ken said nahhh don’t worry sweet girl we got you!!! we came for you!!!!! #i would absolutely not be as healed as I am today if it weren’t for those two #literally nothing else was working no matter what media I turned to I couldn’t get joy out of anything I interacted with #couldn’t function like a person it was so bad. but now I have them!!!! #and I feel so SAFE with them when I don’t feel safe with others. but I’m always safe with Barbie #as dumb as that sounds I’m just so full of relief everyday I am so grateful I have them

[babyfairy]

weekend is here. time for 24/7 intense panic-inducing intrusive thoughts

#with no distractions bc all i do is isolate myself so people don’t see me in my most repulsive state of being 😋👍 #truly feel undeserving of anything good really #i genuinely believe bad things happen to me regularly for a reason #and i might not be aware of it but i’m doing something to deserve or warrant it #and it’s only a matter of time until i’m all alone with no other option but to k*** m***** 😋 lolz #anyway i ate for the first time today (depressed) and now i feel sick and it’s triggering my emetophobia so you know #all around winner of a night #can’t wait to endure a thousand more just like it!!!!! i have nothing to look forward to in the near future and everything is bleak 😍 #i feel like i’m going to have a fucking psychotic episode bro lol like my mind is going a mile a minute every waking moment #but that’s life (heart) i love it here btw

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

hey friends is it normal to just feel. numb. because I think that maybe it is not. but what would I know anyway.

#really tho it’s like I can barely feel anything anymore. idk if it’s stress?? depression?? #the enormous weight of adult life suddenly and unexpectedly crashing down on me with the weight of the entire planet?? #I used to feel so *much* all the time and now I feel like I can barely feel anything at all… #and everyone around me is living life so much and I’m just here feeling like I can barely keep up with conversations as they’re happening #I’m tired… I feel like God is a far away idea that I’m struggling to hold onto… I feel like my mind is a bent and jumbled mess #like I grabbed hold of it and tried to crush it into the shape I thought it should be and now all I’ve got is a broken frame #I /know/ who I am and what I believe. I /know/ what my life is. but I don’t feel anything. #the only time I feel anything is sometimes when we’re singing at church I just cry at the sense of glory of something I can’t touch #and sometimes I shake with fear at the thought that I’ve ruined everything that could’ve ever been good about me #I’m oversharing on the internet again but I just don’t know what to do. I’m so tired. I want to see something beautiful and feel #the weight and glory of it again. but I feel like I can’t. all I feel is numbness. #I feel like I could sleep for months but every time I wake up I never feel refreshed. and I’ve been having bad dreams too. #adulthood kinda does suck can I please go back to being 5 #gurt says stuff #personal

[phil-lesterfan]

why is being alive so weirdddd 😭

#oc #skipping funeral bc it’s like i don’t think i’m reacting to things the right way #death is literally nothing to me not like in an xtian way or a depressed way i mean it like objectively #it’s just a state #so i feel like whatever rn #mostly i worry abt the people that r still living #like how theyre feeling and stuff #IDK. sorry this has been on my mind apparently #i need to finish cleaning so i can either finally go to sleep or start reading my comic

[hella1975]

tbf i really deserved to lose that poll im stupid af

#i need to come off the pill it’s not funny anymore 😂🙏🏼 #like it was already hard getting myself motivated for a degree i hate and then there’s the adhd shit on top of that #which is literally the productivity killer but now the pill on top of all that has just taken any fear factor i might have had #like i don’t feel anything I’m not nervous there’s no concept of repurcussions in my mind #and it’s meant I’ve basically hardly fucking studied and it’s entirely my fault and im GOING to fail #like you cannot walk into a uni exam with the barebones knowledge i have and still pass you just can’t #like i spent all of yesterday trying to study and i didn’t get anything fucking done until 11pm #when I did like. a solid hour. that’s it #and it’s so frustrating bc it’s like well why didn’t you just study #and im like i CANT it’s like an actual physical block stopping me #and ik thats the adhd but I could handle it before I knew if I left it last minute the panic would set in and I’d be suddenly productive #but now? nothing #i just don’t feel anything ever and haven’t since literally march #and even that the only reason i remember it as march so vividly is bc i had a fucking depressive episode #physically the pill has done bits but it’s shredded the little mental stability i had and now we’re here and I’m failing my stupid degree #even now it’s like. why am I on tumblr. the exam is in 1.5 hours. i have so much to do bc i did nothing yesterday #and instead of me feeling panic or guilty or ANYTHING? #nothing. just absolutely nothing it’s like im not even here #hella goes to uni

[languagenderflux]

Yeah I’m definitely having a Depressive Episode™️

#personal #depression #clearly it’s not normal to refuse to go to Christmas dinner and then cry in my bed all day #this knot in my stomach just won’t go away #something’s very very wrong with me #don’t mind me i’m a mess

[crybaby-bkg]

I wish I was more confrontational.

#I know it’s the pmdd but I’m so fucking angry #I hate overthinking bc people just won’t tell you what the problem is #I’m not a fucking mind reader and I’m not gonna chase after you if you don’t tell me upfront #and it’s like every time I fall into a depression it’s like people punish me #sorry I’m not at the front line every second for you #but you can’t be fucked to even acknowledge how I’m feeling right now #I’m so frustrated I hate this shit #tw: vent #—in store chit chat! 🍫

[boyghcst]

I rlly wanna be able to not smoke weed but I just dunno if I can honestly. Like I’ve been sober maybe for a week or two before last year and I felt happy w myself I went that long but I also was in England visiting my family so I didn’t have any left to smoke anyway

#but I just struggle to stop #I end up smoking again and bc all my friends smoke i can’t say no bc i like getting high and doing it w my friends #but i lit smoke everyday even when I’m out i end up hanging w friends and smoking #it’s prob been like 3/4 years now I’ve been smoking #ik its not good for my body or mind #I do kinda wish there was somewhere I could go like a local MA bc I do rlly struggle #but it’s like part of me is just too scared to be sober and have to deal w thoughts and anxiety and depression etc #I am visiting my mum and stepdad again soon so I’m planning to only bring a little and then try detox #but I just know it’ll end up smoking again when I get back and hang w friends #and it’s not their fault or anything I haven’t communicated it and I don’t think I will bc ik deep down tht would cut it off completely #like I technically could delete my dealers numbers but then ik ill end up asking for them again bc I just do tht #I’m so bad at saying no and being impulsive and making bad decisions it’s like my brain just dgaf #idk how ppl do it fr #I don’t believe when ppl say weed isn’t addictive tbh bc it defo has been for me #journal

[holyluvr]

Getting a good hit of indica that’s a little stronger than vapes I had last time after I ran out of my indica is Hallelujah Praise The LORD and that kid with ADHD

#… #I need indica or antipsychotics both to function. an upper and a downer of some sorts. stimulate then depress. over and over again. daily. #TBH one of the dreams/goals that I still haven’t let myself let go of despite knowing the stats and likelihoods of the outcomes…. #well anyway one of those dreams is to somehow fix this. to meet a doctor who has a treatment plan or life change idea that works on the drug #dependency / the ‘maybe’ acquired brain injury issues. #the ‘is this idiopathic narcolepsy or is this ABI from drs or would you consider this probable narcolepsy from ABI from drs or?’ issues. #the ‘it’s harder to put together a clear understanding of your health overall’ comments followed by silence bc they don’t need to say it lol #it’s hard because no one has known what my health ‘should’ be like. know one has any labs without me on psychotropic medication combos. #they have partial proof from brain scans for the conclusion that my brain was just .fried to deal with me/make me easy and good. didn’t work #and they don’t even need proof to know that medication combos in their own profession shouldn’t be used together or are only used together #in extreme cases with no options left that they immediately fucking jumped into and were lucky I didn’t DIE so many times but fuck yeah #now my brain hurts and I’m not how I was beforehand but don’t rlly know why or how to express it #and I feel alone there and then I have bitch ass doctors telling me to Just Stop The Meds For A Fee Weeks :-)! …..Dr u have no idea huh do u #a few weeks? give me 3 days before I’m having a psychotic episode that’s severe enough to warrant police arrest or 911 called for me. #that’s thousands of dollars in a legal psychiatric hold. and that’s if someone catches the signs on time before I potentially harm myself or #like yeah no I’m sorry doc but i can’t just Simply Stop or Substitute anti-anxiety drugs when I’ve had them holding me together b4 puberty. #anyway I’m still. hoping I’ll find some info somewhere or stories and people like me who figured something out or anything idk #because my medical testing is interfered by medications that I cannot stop taking (mainly benzodiazepines) without losing my mind now. bad.

[bo0zey]

anyone else ever get in those silly goofy moods where u just hate urself sooo much that u instantly feel physically almost violently ill just thinking abt urself and also even tho u worked a 12hr shift w no breaks or water running off of the 2 cups of coffee u had for breakfast 20 hours ago, the thought of eating instantly sends bouts of nausea coursing thru ur soul while churning in ur stomach bc ur brain hates u so much that its convinced ur body that u don’t deserve sustenance or anything else that’s life sustaining or promotes ur physical well being because u subconsciously convinced urself that ur such a shit excuse for a human being that u neither deserve nor have any right to anything regarding maslow’s hierarchy of needs bc u r such an awful thing u deserve to be neglected n treated like the nonliving object ur own brain sees ur living body as or am i just mentally ill lol

#laying in bed everytime i think abt myself i feel literally nauseated n like it’s so weird #this feeling comes in waves intermittently just even .01 sec of ‘hm i’m hungry’ FFFFFNOPE HRRGRHFFF VOMITTY #i want to curl up in a ball and die forever i don’t care about me i don’t want to take care of me anymore i’m not even good at it #whyyyyyyyy did i stop taking my meddsssssss i guarantee y’all this is why i’m being such a crybaby on the dash lmaoooo #i have a headache i’m def dehydrated from crying n sniveling n barely drinking any water today while sweating like a mf at work #imma go to bed 🛌 if i don’t wake up i will be soooo pleasantly surprised y’all have no idea FINGERS CROSSED🤞 #real talk tho can someone tell me why my body is literally reacting this way for like no real reason #like am i truly that disgusted with myself i make myself nauseous just thinking abt me #ok yeah the answer is yes lol BUT LIKE WHY THATS SUCH A DRAMATIC BODILY RESPONSE TO MY BRAINS DUMBASS THOUGHTS??? #ik the body and mind have a super powerful link n the brain influences the body like crazy but like #why this why does my brain literally want me to berate and degrade myself and isolate me and make me cry alone n starve me that’s so mean #i’m not starving btw i’m literally always eating just these past 2 days i’ve been such a fuckup my body won’t let me do anything #i had a chocolate poptart for dinner last night (thurs) n threw myself to bed #i hope i don’t end up hurting myself that would be so lame #i literally don’t have time for that like i am Not doing wound care duty off the clock for my damn self lol #also don’t want to take care of myself so i wouldn’t bandage myself up properly sooo yeah i’m not gonna do anything actually #cleaning ur wounds r super important ok yall ur literally playing god if u don’t do good aftercare snfjfbdj #i can’t believe i’m in this nasty ugly depressive episode i hate this so much i don’t have time for this i hate this cycle #i hate being bipolar 2 n my moods n meds have been so fkcdd up lately that i don’t even have the rlly fun hypomanic episodes anymore #i’ve just been constantly having mixed episodes im unbearable to be around im so sorry for everyone that’s ever spoken to me im insufferable #ok that’s enough im done being dramatic lmao #im gonna give myself a bolus PRN dose of clonnie then i’m going tf to bed #ramblings #shut up cianna