#I’m oversharing on the internet again but I just don’t know what to do. I’m so tired. I want to see something beautiful and feel | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

slowing-down-in-style · 4 months

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December 3rd, 2023 - lost in the draft box

I’m the kind of person who can fall asleep in the arms of someone and stay curled up there all night again. I can be forehead to forehead with them and breathe and be happy. I can nestle in and feel comfortable and content.

January 6th, 2024 - pen to pad again

This is the kind of closeness my heart and body have been craving. Once you find comfort like this it’s hard to imagine having anything else.

Thoughts on Friends and Music

I’ve been chasing the idea of a friend circle for my entire life. As a kid I never seemed to be able to settle into a place long enough to establish real friendships. Until I was late in middle school I didn’t even have a true best friend. I did have Kyle and Vince for a long time but.. I moved schools so much, and we didn’t have cell phones or the internet so I just lost people along the way for a while. I fell behind in classes too. School was so hard. I felt so isolated in a world where I was already isolated at home too.

Now, I’ve got this little group of people I’ve gotten pretty close to. We all started as just a little group of degenerate Crew fans who broke off and made a space to overshare adult themed content, but we grew into something much more meaningful. We developed into what I can really only describe as a support group for one another. We offer each other help, advice… its a place to vent in a non-judgements place and just exist as ourselves. We recently had to set up a few boundaries on the things we could vent on but hopefully that will be a productive thing and not a hindering one. Time will tell.

I have really enjoyed getting to know each one of them a little more each day.

One of the things that got me writing this morning was this playlist that one of them shared and specifically shared to me. Travis is this guy who feels his emotions pretty deeply like I do. So when he sets aside the time to say “hey, I think you should really listen to this song/album” I understand that this is so much more than just a random song recommendation. I had the playlist open only for a few moments before realizing it was going to be the perfect background music for writing. And so, I pulled out my iPad and here we are. He was especially chatty and thoughtful and pensive last night in the sever but in what seemed to be a whole lot of positive ways. If he ever reads this someday… Travis I’m really happy to have you as a friend and I am so proud of you for all the growth you have had this last year. It’s real visible growth and change and I’m so happy for you. Please keep growing.

This album/band he shared with me is called Sleep Token and god the music is just so perfect for writing. It’s hard to describe but everything is so drawn out and done with intention in every song. So it’s like when I’m writing while I’m listening to it the words I write down are the connecting threads between each part. It is so difficult to explain and probably makes no sense but at least it makes sense to me.

Something about me when I listen to music… the first couple times I listen to a song it’s like I’m listening to a song in another language. I don’t really process the words at all. I hear the melody of it, of the music, of the words… but it’s all one big conglomeration. I have to actually sit down and focus on the words, often times with the lyrics written out in front of me, if I’m going to process what those lyrics actually say. I don’t really know if this makes me so awful fan of music or not, but I guess it gives me a unique perspective of songs not everyone has. I have spent a lot more time in the last 7 months listening a little more closely to words in songs though.

I have more I wanna write about this but also wanna get this out of my draft box. So, more on this later.

#journal #2023 #2024

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justtryingtolosesomeweight · 1 year

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I have been trying to vent the past two days but my laptop crashed and my arm hurt so fucking bad last night I had to stop. I have chalked it up to that I spend too much time writing and I should cut it down to half an hour. Sounds like a lot but it really isn’t for me since all I have is time to waste complaining. I’m sure those thoughts I wanted to express will show up again another time.

I have pushed off my homework again... I’m acting like a fool. He even offered half credit if I did it yesterday and I thought about it until 3 a.m. where I had to give up to go to bed. But that was a conscious decision because it was just too addicting to listen to music and think all day. There must be something wrong with me. I’m always like this regardless of whether I eat enough so maybe it’s my best interest to talk to someone. Ah, but I don’t want to talk to anyone unless I’m thinner than this. Maybe at 145 I’ll reward myself by making an appointment with a counselor. Or whenever I gain the confidence.

I want to talk forever but my wrist is fucking flimsy. That I should really see someone for. It just hurts, I’m sure it’s some preventable thing but every time I want to write or draw it acts up. Maybe it wouldn’t be so if I learned to shut up once in a while. I see other vent blogs and most posts are a sentence or two. Mine are quite the opposite. I hope that I learn to quiet down soon because that means I’m spending less time just writing instead of doing something useful. Not that I do anything useful though. At any rate, I have such long posts. It makes me wonder what’s going through the head of someone who has a vent blog but often just posts “I want to die.” or “I ate this. I feel awful.” Come on, everyone, be like me and overshare on the internet. Lol. That’s not really safe all of the time so keep your brevity. Me, I never talk much of anything that’s important.

Ah, my head is aching a little, had an awful time sleeping. I didn’t even take my magnesium even though I keep it right next to my bed. Last night’s thinking session was intense. I couldn’t focus on anything else. It’s not good, it’s really just a waste of time but I think if I spin it as “if I don’t lose weight fast, none of this will happen” I’ll feel a lot better. Sorry, school, under eating takes priority as my one passion. Anyone else daydream but only imagine themselves as skinny? I mean, I know what I look like but it doesn’t show up. Although I see myself through my own eyes so when I look down I see flatness. Definitely not my reality.

Only fifteen more minutes of talking remain. What did I want to say? I guess not much. Limiting myself seems to be saving my wrist. Will I have the energy to do my homework. Probably not. I want to say maybe if I lose like twenty pounds in this month and the next they might catch on but who knows? Most people tend to be kind when grading me since I do kind of be a mess every day. I wonder what it feels like to wear one layer and be confident. I wonder what it’s like to not hunch over and feel ashamed for existing in public. So maybe my head hurts but it’s not like it won’t be worth it. Let’s see about that though. Approaching the end of week 1. I feel alright about proceeding. Must not give into the same temptations I face every day. Honestly, I’m overthinking this. It’s easy if you don’t think about it.

I want to apologize for being long but instead I think I’ll just add a note in my pinned that I will never not write a long ass post. Forgive me if you came to suffer in a moderate amount of words. Or I could make a personal tag... something unique so it doesn’t show up when you look up vent or something. One minute left... what’s a good tag? Hmm. Well, you’ll see when I figure one out. You know, I’ve really been into Neru’s Abstract Nonsense and I think it would be very funny of me to have a long ass tag.

#it'sgoingtoraintomorrowforsure

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topazadine · 1 year

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Here is something I wish more people understood about sexuality labels and pronouns: they are shorthand to quickly identify your preferences or gender to other people.

These terms were never meant to capture every nuance and feeling about your relationship to sexuality and gender. Their utility is their ubiquity - they need to be understandable to a wide audience of people or they are utterly useless.

One can think of them sort of like the one or two word desciptors we use to tell people our occupation. If someone asks another person what they do for work, they want something quick and easy that gives them a general idea of what their field is. For example, when someone asks me what I do, I’ll say I’m a writer or that I work in communications, based on the audience. I don’t give them something that they have to go look up or ask a million questions to understand, because the average person I meet doesn’t give a shit. They just want to get a general idea of who I am and move on; if they like me, they might want to know more, or they might leave it at that.

I identify myself as bisexual and use she/her pronouns. Does this tell someone everything about me? No, it doesn’t, because they don’t need to know and, unless they are sleeping with me, they don’t want to know. These terms are close enough to how I feel about myself to be useful in the average situation, and they give someone an easy way to talk about me in the third person. It also allows me to better explore my own sexuality rather than stress over labels. How I feel about my sexuality changes day by day, and I’ve picked a broad enough category of “who I want and what I want” that I have the freedom to do that without agonizing about what, precisely, that’s called.

Furthermore - and this is more controversial, but I believe it true - using microlabels and boutique pronouns communicate some quite negative things about you as a person to the average audience. Telling someone a super specific sexuality label that they have to go look up makes them believe that you are difficult because you don’t want to make it easy for them to understand you. You expect them to put in extra work just to get over this very basic hurdle of “who might you be bringing to Christmas dinner,” which is really all that most people are asking when they ask you your sexuality. Using neopronouns tells someone that, again you are difficult, and that you will likely get angry at them and make a scene if they inevitably mess up.

It’s also a form of oversharing. No one needs to know that sometimes you feel like having sex and sometimes you don’t, or that your attraction to someone wanes over time and can’t be retrieved, or that you’re only attracted to other trans people, or that you’re only attracted to fictional characters. Those are Big Conversations that you have with someone after you have known them for a while - not something you tell internet strangers or someone you just met.

Anyway, there’s enough labels that you can fit yourself in a comfortably sized box rather than a tight cubby that you might outgrow. If you feel sexual attraction, do yourself a favor and stick to the Big Three for your “outside of me” label.

#lgbt #Bisexual

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cravingteethmarks · 2 years

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I don’t think I meant to. I really don’t think I did. But if I said I was surprised, that would be a blatant lie.

He was wearing a sort of lavender shirt with some snaps to button up but nothing ostentatious or fancy. Dark pants. Black boots. A silver ring with what I suspect is onyx on one hand. Don’t ask me his eye color, if he fidgets his hands, or if his boots showed a lot of wear. I could not tell you. But I can tell you he was never more than five feet away save for the drive from the park to dinner and a brief trip to the restroom. And he smiled genuinely, easily, and often.

I absolutely have to mention that he smelled wonderful. Was it leftover shampoo or a spritz of cologne before he walked out the door, knowing he was about to walk at sunset on a 90F day in a park with a new girl, I’m not sure, but I suspect the latter. Or maybe I’m just really hoping. I’ll take it either way.

I’ve never been happier that I dressed cute for work; the wax-fruit-esque dewy complexion from wearing a mask for eight hours was not doing me any favors but he did not seem to mind. Later he would remark that “[he] had not gotten passed my big eyes [and tits].” Thank you, favorite red top from Wet Seal that I hadn’t worn in years. Perfect neckline that hinted at the mounds under but didn’t reveal the goods. Tasteful.

As for him, his hair wasn’t freshly washed since this first meeting was spontaneous but I must confess, I’m glad it wasn’t. I like to think I was seeing him as he was on a normal day and not some façade put on to impress this internet lass. I mean, sure, a girl likes to feel as if she is worth dressing up for, but also a mask is a mask is a mask. No me gusta. I want the real deal and I think that is what he brought to share with me.

He explained any references he made that I didn’t understand, and I attempted to do the same. When you have over a decade between you, missteps are inevitable. It’s rare, though, that both sides aren’t judging the other for gaps in cultural knowledge. This Geddy-corn was never uneasy with this soulful musician who isn’t exactly a fan of the Canadian Rock Gods. Again, I’ll take it. Eagerly.

I’ve always had an issue with oversharing and generally talking too much, and Monday was no exception. What’s different is that I felt he cared. He was paying attention to me and it seemed effortless on his part. If his mind ever wandered off to other areas of his life, he hid it expertly. He made references back to topics and tidbits from early in the evening and built upon them. He asked questions. He was interested.

Of course, he made no effort to hide that this was also a defensive tactic on his behalf; he isn’t an open book like I am and is hesitant to reveal too much. That being said, he also made the remarks that he had been opening up more than he expected to in such a way that implies he isn’t too upset about this fact.

Still, we’re both nervous and we both know it. He has his own relationship issues and, while he’s not aware of my full situation, he knows The Big Baggage and hasn’t gone running. I’m giddy to share that, in his own words, “I’m intrigued. And did a little research.” ... “We can discuss.”

Heck, he even turned me down for a hang out tonight after a long day with some outside work and followed up with “Too nice? Should I be more assertive?” When I tell you my breath caught and I felt so appreciated.

Please. Let’s. I’m not asking for anything defined now, or tomorrow, or next week, or next month. I’m asking for more time with you. Words. Laughs. You.

Anyways back to the reflection process.

Eggs over easy and gravy. Dairy issues beyond the evil lactose demon. It’s not a match made in heaven. I mean, he ordered beans with his tacos like a normal human being; we can’t all be perfect. But he has lived long enough to have his own preferences and learned how to survive on his own beyond sticking a chicken patty in the oven. If that means smelling eggs cooking, I will be happy to make that sacrifice.

Walking around the park, some of the pathways repeats in the opposite direction, followed by a few drinks and dinner down the street, topped with more chatting on the curb outside the tavern. Every time the conversation lulled and one of us looked at the time, we both made the remark that we didn’t want to leave yet. One more topic. One more tangent. One more.

Monday turned into Tuesday and while I had no alarm for the morning, he had an early rise. Surprising myself, I announced that it was time for me to head back home. And that I wanted to see him again soon.

He walked me to my car which wasn’t too grand a gesture since he was parked next to me, but still. I was happy he kept so close. I had asked if I could please have a hug before we parted and he was happy to oblige.

But he didn’t step away after. He looked me in the eyes and lingered.

I couldn’t tell you how many breaths passed before he gently leaned in - it probably wasn’t even two - but as soon as I knew his kiss was coming, I wanted nothing else in the world but for it to happen.

I’ve kissed people. Lots of people? I guess so. The number doesn’t matter. What mattered is that I cannot remember ever hoping so hard that my returning the kiss and appreciation was clear. Lips parted for just a moment then lead to a second kiss.

Lingering.

Nothing more - no exploring hands or even leaning into each other.

It was lips touching and breaths catching. It was a revealing by both that yes, this felt right and needed.

I’m not surprised that I can officially say I’ve moved on from previous partners.

I am surprised that it happened so seamlessly, and instantly. Seeing him walk up to me at the very start already told me. I don’t want the cliché of “at first sight,” but I cannot deny it was instantaneous.

I’m surprised he kissed me. I’m surprised he was clearly enjoying his time with me when he showed all signs of being someone who hides his inner dialogues.

I have a lot to think of now as I really should take steps to solidify my independence legally and financially but I should not be in a hurry. I’ve been making too many decisions in the last two years hastily and without really thinking about consequences.

But I want to also allow myself to enjoy this.

It’s okay to enjoy this slowly and savor every detail.

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aching-tummies · 2 years

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Respect other’s right to be cautious

To piggy-back on the reblog I just did of the "Pro-Tip: Don't send unsolicited private messages to kink blogs":

I've honestly lost count of the number of people on the internet that are angry with me for referring to 'us' as "internet strangers (to each other)".

The points I have to make time and again include (but aren't limited to):

1) Just because you're 100% okay with sharing details like what city you live in or how many people are in your family or where you work--it does NOT mean that anyone else is obligated to share the same information with you on the internet. Your choice to be honest has no bearing whatsoever on their choice to keep that information private. They aren't being 'rude', they're being cautious. Respect their right to be cautious.

2) We have no way of knowing whom is on the other end of the screen. Those 100% honest details mentioned above could be a lie for all I know. It's 100% possible that the person on the other end has malicious intent and is trying to "trade" personal details in order to commit identity theft or to track someone down or whatever. You know you're honest and all...but the person on the other end has no idea. They have every right to be cautious--respect their right to be cautious.

3) The number of internet interactions we have had does not equate to friendship. We may have good conversations and I'm grateful for the quality conversations I have had with people. However, having interacted with your username for months or even years does not mean that we're BFFs. You're not entitled to my real name or my location or to know what's new in my life just because we've had some good conversations online. It's a familiar username and we've had some lovely conversations, but we still need to respect each other's right to be cautious on the internet.

4) For the love of God, don't overshare to internet strangers. I didn't sign up to be anyone's agony aunt or therapist. I am not down to hear about someone's angsty teen years and the issues they're still hung up on from those times or about how they've got a mood disorder or whatever and how my answering of their asks or whatever makes them feel better(true story). You wanna share and need someone to vent to? There are resources for that. Find a therapist or give it to a blog that openly advertises that they're 100% okay with hearing about that sort of stuff. I don't want to be rude and say "I don't care", but it's none of my business and it's not something I'm interested in hearing or getting involved in. Your choice to share/overshare is your business...but please respect my right to be cautious on the internet.

5) Conversations end and that is okay. If someone hasn't responded to your last message then it's totally fine to let the conversation end and wait for the next time everyone involved wants to chat. Not all conversations have to end with a clear, "talk to you next time" or whatever. Sometimes there just isn't anything to talk about or the last thing is phrased in a way that makes it difficult to respond to. Everyone's got lives to live. If the other party didn't respond to your last message and they aren't initiating a new topic or whatever, it's fine to just walk away. That's probably what they did anyway. Personally, I find it more awkward and cringe-y when someone can't seem to take the hint and flounders for anything at all to talk about. They start asking really random or generic questions and it really feels like they're putting the onus on me to keep the conversation going. It's not my job to entertain someone. I've got other things to do and I really hate it when a conversation partner appears to be floundering for any reason at all to keep me on the line with them when there's no longer anything to talk about.

A lot of this boils down to: Respect everyone's right to be cautious on the internet. Everyone here has the right to decide whom or what they want to give their attention to. And everyone has a right to keep their private lives and personal details private. One’s choice to share or not has no influence on someone’s choice. If you can’t respect that, you aren’t mature enough to be socializing on the internet.

#tum kink #boundaries

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coccolithophore · 2 years

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cw death, medical under cut

I don’t want to overshare on here all the time or be all mopey, I’m over that phase of internet usership for the most part so I won’t do it often but man. MAN. Just this once I’m gonna backslide a bit.

Isn’t it cruel how I am finally starting to genuinely love my life, love my home and young family with my girlfriend and dog, and living near my blood family (even with the challenges that brings lol), working really hard on my mental health in therapy, and looking forward to school and a new career, and my body’s gotta be like “haha time to think about death again when you don’t want it this time!”

Like I spent my whole adolescence and early adulthood just barely getting by day to day because of my mental illness. And now that I am FINALLY looking forward to the future, or even able to imagine it in some way, my body has to throw a truly scary and serious situation at me. I think I was downplaying this in my head out of survival but this legitimately could kill me, no matter what course of treatment I take. It is unlikely to kill me, but it’s a risk. When I get back from my vacation next week I’m going to start a 6 week course of daily radiation. I never thought I’d have to face something like this, much less in my 20s.

I am not going to let myself dwell on this much after today, but I think I need to give myself a day or two to not try to be strong, and to not be okay. Keep me in your thoughts. I really don’t want to die anymore and yet it has become more real than ever, this time completely outside of my control. I know other people have it worse than me but I feel like I’ve been through enough in 28 years >_<;

I’ve been working on asking for help more and I know everyone is rooting for me and willing to do anything for me which is a really comforting thought. At least I’m not alone

Thanks for reading this if anyone did lol

#kiwi.txt #i didn’t sleep more than an hour last night so I’m a little unhinged lol #but also. this situation kinda calls for unhinged LOL

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katsukisblackteddy · 3 years

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Can you do HCs of Shinsou, Amajiki, Bakugo; teen!Aizawa with a South African s/o who has people saying some annoying comments to her just bc she's from Africa. Like someone says that they're sorry that she struggled with poverty (girl is from a super wealthy family that can buy their family), or say some gibberish with clicks and asks her to translate (s/o can speak five languages: English, Zulu, Xhosa, Afrikaans, and Japanese; understand others. Xhosa has clicks). They ask her if she had...

cont’d request: Pt.II - to hunt for her food (Umm, no. Cape Town has supermarkets and she knows what pizza and Japanese food is, guys). Someone just can't believe that South Africa has TV and internet, while s/o literally has a cell phone with all of the social media and has friends/family from South Africa. When class is over, someone asks why isn't she wearing "African" clothes (bc Africa is country, not a continent) when s/o is just wearing basic clothes. People be stupid.

“Don’t Be Stupid” - Headcannon for Shinsou, Tamaki, Bakugou, and teen!Aizawa

Hey! Thanks for requesting! Hope this is okay :)

Pairings: Shinsou, Tamaki, Bakugou, teen!Aizawa x reader Pronouns: she/her Warnings: ignorance, cursing

Hitoshi didn’t really give a flying fuck about what others thought, mainly because most of the time people didn’t even want to be around him because of his “villain quirk”

But just because he didn’t care what they thought about him, doesn’t mean he wouldn’t fuck somebody up if they messed with you

Shinsou is a quiet guy for the most part, but he was super perceptive

So when he heard that the little ballsack haired toddler from class 1-A was spreading rumors about you, he was angry

You had no problem explaining to people about your home country of South Africa, especially if they asked nicely

But one day when you were walking past Class 1-A when school had just ended, intent on meeting your boyfriend outside to go walk to the park together, you heard Mineta spewing shit about you and South Africa

“Yeah they’re a bunch of savages over there! They literally hunt for food with spears and everyone is poor and they use goats as money.” Mineta said

You stood by the door to see what they were going to say before you chimed in and told them what South Africa was actually like.

“Mineta that’s literally cap and you know it.” Kaminari chimed in with a roll of his eyes.

He had been spending so much time around you and Shinsou that he started even using your slang unconsciously.

It made you smile a bit.

“Kaminari you’re dumb as rocks. How would you know?” Mineta defended himself.

“Anyways, apparently because they’re so poor they steal a lot too. Maybe that’s why my jacket went missing after I was around (y/n)...Like I said they’re a bunch of savages, she probably doesn’t know any better.”

Now it was time for you to chime in.

“Why the fuck would I want your ratty ass jacket anyway? I don’t steal and that’s not what South Africa is like. Denki knows because I told him about it. I’m not poor, I just don’t flaunt my wealth, and if you really want to know I could buy your entire family with my own net worth.” You remarked, crossing your arms over your chest with a huff.

Bakugou sat in the corner watching the whole exchange with a small smirk on his face...he enjoyed confrontation too much.

“Oh and we do have supermarkets where we buy our food from.” You add as an after thought. “If you wanted to know about South Africa, you should’ve just asked like a normal person instead of spewing shit. Have a nice day.” You left the classroom after that a smile growing on your face as you heard Kaminari and Kirishima scold Mineta for talking shit behind your back.

Yeah...that was the last time he did that because after Shinsou heard what happened he found Mineta the next day and threatened him so bad he peed his diaper.

Tamaki was a pretty reserved guy and when you two began dating it surprised mostly everyone because you two were so different

Honestly, Tamaki literally looked at you like a goddess and it annoyed him when people were just plain ignorant

Usually when he was annoyed he would rant to you about it or Mirio or Nejire, and then he would go sit in a corner blushing about how he feared he was oversharing

PLS HE’S SO CUTE

um...N E WAYS...

You had been a transfer into the class when they were second years after your father decided to expand his international company to Japan, meaning you had to leave your home in South Africa

You were upset at first but you quickly made friends with the Big Three and Leonardo Subarashi, who was also from South Africa.

So it came as a surprise when one of your friends, Tsuki Vinsmoke started talking shit about your homeland even when two of her friends were from there

“They literally live in huts with dirt floors. Maybe that’s why they’re so dirty and poor.” Tsuki laughed with two of her bitch friends, standing right near you

You turned to look at her with a frown on your face, practically daring her to say something else.

“I don’t even know how those two got here. They don’t even have phone service over there.”

“Hey (y/n)?” She said a little louder, as you turned around again, placing your pencil down and momentarily ignoring your school work.

“What Tsuki?”

“Why don’t you wear African clothes? Like those weird scarves and cloths or whatever? Are you ashamed that you came from dirt poor people? I would be.” Tsuki wore a nasty smile on her face as her eyes seemed to sparkle with malice.

“There’s no such thing as African clothes Tsuki. People wear the same clothes here that they do in South Africa...why would I be ashamed of such a culturally rich homeland? I’m proud to be South African, and besides I’d suggest you do some research before you start talking to me about being poor, especially since I’m way richer than you.” You gave a fake sincere smile before glancing over at Tamaki and your friends who gave you a thumbs up as if to say Destroy her.

So you did...in the end you got sent to Principal Nezu’s office after you made her cry and she lied to your teacher saying you had threatened her life like a dirty savage

Tamaki had to hold you back with some help from Mirio before you decked her

Nezu didn’t really care and gave you a donut from the order that had been in his office before sending you back to class

Needless to say, Tsuki got suspended for being racist and perpetuating a hateful environment in the classroom and nobody else messed with you, not even her little friends who sucked up to you after Tsuki went on suspension.

Why would anyone even bother saying stupid shit about you when you were just as hot headed as your explosive boyfriend? I don’t know, but they did

Of course everyone from class 1-A was smart enough not to start anything, but it seems Monoma wasn’t as smart

The annoying overly entitled blonde from class 1-B, had started out by asking you simple questions about your homeland, things like:

“What’s it like there?”, “Is it always sunny?”, “Have you seen a rhino or lion before?”

Then they started getting kind of ignorant and annoying.

“Hey (y/n)? Can you speak African?”

“No Monoma because Africa is a continent made up of many countries, each with their own languages.” You explained, wasn’t he supposed to be smart? “What are you doing Monoma?” You asked, with a raised eyebrow as he started to make strange noises at you.

“Shit for Brains, leave us the fuck alone.” Bakugou grumbled from beside you after he finished chewing his food.

“It’s you language right? Can you understand what I said?”

“No dumbfuck. You sounded like a dolphin.” You remarked as a few of your friends laughed lightly.

“I’m surprised you understand...I heard your people aren’t very smart...you know products of their environment, it’s unfortunate really. I’m sorry that you lived in such poverty, but you should consider yourself lucky, now you get to live in dorms and sleep in a real bed and not on a dirt floor.” Monoma went on and on and you were growing increasingly annoyed as you friends sat there in shocked silence.

“You know what Monoma?” You said with a fake smile as you spun around. “I’ve never met anyone as ignorant and stupid as you. I’m not poor and I never was, I slept in a real bed with an actually comfortable mattress unlike the ones here, and I much smarter than you ever will be I speak five fucking languages and I can understand more than that in others. Would you like me to tell you to fuck off in another language since you can’t seem to understand Japanese?” You asked as you raised your eyebrows with your arms crossed over your chest, as if waiting for his answer.

He stayed silent.

“That’s what I thought. Maybe you are smart after all?” You added teasingly, watching him be dragged back to his table by Kendo.

Shota Aizawa never really had many friends, usually more laidback than others were comfortable with, but the ones he did have were the complete opposites of him

Hizashi and Shirakumo were loud pranksters, while you and Midnight were talkative and enjoyed messing with him.

Most of the time he ignored the pigheaded bully that was Sensoji, because he usually only picked on Shota, but when Sensoji realized that you were Aizawa’s real weakness, he started to hound you.

And Shota was NOT having that

It all came to a head after he battled against Shota during a training session.

“Your useless just like your quirk Aizawa.” Sensoji sneered at your boyfriend, glaring down at him.

“Your nothing but a waste of space.” Sensoji added seeing the way that his insults didn’t really phase Shota.

“Hey leave him alone! What is wrong with you!” You intervened pushing the broad shouldered boy away from Shota.

“What are you that weak that you need your little safari ass backwoods girlfriend to save your ass?” Sensoji laughed along with one of his equally stupid Class 1-B classmates.

“Don’t fucking talk about her!” Shota yelled back, his eyes glowing as if it was a warning.

“Or what? It’s not like she’ll understand? People like her back in her country of Africa are stupid as fuck. They build their homes out of oversized tin cans and they don’t even have phones.”

“Sensoji you’re the stupid one! Africa is... A CONTINENT NOT A COUNTRY!” Hizashi jumped in, activating his quirk halfway through his sentence.

“And they don’t live in tin cans.” Midnight added.

“I live in a nice home, one that’s probably bigger than yours. Just admit that you’re jealous of Shota and me and move on!” You pressed your finger into his chest on each word, glaring at him as if to say say something else and see what happens.

“Grow up!” Shota and Shirakumo added before Sensoji rushed away when he saw the teachers coming over to see what you all were arguing about.

“Yeah that’s what I thought! Run away like a little bitch!” You added with a growing smile.

“Language (y/n)!” Your teacher scolded, but even that couldn’t bring down your smile as you, your boyfriend, and your friends laughed about the incident.

You all still even joked about it years later.

TAGS:

#katsukisblackteddy #requested #headcannons #bnha #south african reader #shinsou x reader #tamaki x reader #bakugou x reader #teen!aizawa #bnha x poc!reader #mha x poc!reader #I'm sorry about always clowing Mineta but he makes it too fucking easy #sorry but not really that sorry #bnha x reader

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strangertheory · 3 years

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I hope you’re doing well :)

I'm doing okay. Life has its ups and downs.

I haven't been as active on this blog as I used to be, and I'd like to share with you all a little bit of context and what's going on in my life.

(This is a long post in which I'll overshare a bit and dump some of my feelings into paragraph form, so if anyone doesn't feel up to reading a multi-paragraph post about my depression and anxieties don't feel obligated.)

I have been a freelancer for the last three-ish years. I didn't like the way my former employer treated me or other workers, so I quit and I tried running my own business. It was really great at the beginning. Things felt promising. I had (and still have) customers who I love working with and who value my work. It enabled me and my sweetheart to travel and go backpacking and work remotely and see so many places we'd never been and meet so many new people. But no matter what I did, I couldn't figure out how to make my freelance work grow beyond a certain amount of projects at any given time and I was probably not charging enough for my services for a long while. The pandemic hurt a lot of my work too, and many of my customers disappeared while they tried to figure out what they needed to do for themselves too.

I've been incredibly lucky and in spite of things not working out, I had a wonderful few years running my own remote business while traveling and having experiences I never would have otherwise had. But right now I'm searching for new employment and hoping to find an opportunity in a larger company again while also still working for a few customers who still need me and have continued to hire me for projects, and the job search combined with my freelance work and the pandemic and various other personal life events has made life more complicated and more emotionally stressful.

The job search is a discouraging process. The pandemic has been emotionally draining and stressful, but I am very fortunate and I have been fully vaccinated. But the job search is weighing on me a lot emotionally. I swing between feeling confident in myself and my network and my opportunities, and feeling as though there must be something wrong with me and my skill-set and my resume and that I must be going about things all wrong and fearing that after three years of not making enough to pay the bills while freelancing and after draining all of my savings trying to make my own company work that things aren't going to turn around any time soon.

I've also been feeling a deep emotional wound around my relationship with my family. They care about me on a certain level very, very much... but they don't truly love and accept me as who I am, and they're very prejudiced and set in their ways. This has been weighing on me more lately since I'm recognizing that my parents are getting older but I haven't figured out a way to reconcile with them on issues that mean a lot to me. I just want them to love me as I am and accept me for who I am because I love them so much but I'm struggling to figure out if there's anything I can do to change their mindsets or if I'm even ready to try doing more than what I've already done in my efforts to do that, since it would involve even more emotional energy and vulnerability that might not even make a difference or could even make things worse between us. I think I've already tried and done a lot in my effort to encourage them to change their hearts about things, and I probably need to spend more time seeking therapy and making peace with my lack of control over their ideologies and opinions and to make peace with the way they choose to love me even if they're not accepting of every part of who I am. But it's hard.

And I suppose I also have plenty of anxieties around certain aspects of the online Stranger Things fandom itself these days too. That's certainly also a factor in my absence.

I have really enjoyed sharing my ideas and theories with you all, but I don't want my thoughts and feelings and convictions and ideas that I choose to share to provoke any conflict that I don't have the emotional l energy to process in a healthy way.

I might escape this funk at some point and happily return to writing long posts and analyses about ideas that I have. I don't know how long I'm going to feel the need to take a break. When I have so much in my life that I'm already worried about, I am trying to spend my free time in ways that make me feel happy and I suppose right now I'm feeling emotionally vulnerable and unwilling to share my feelings about a story and characters that I'm overly emotionally invested in. I use fiction to escape from my real-world troubles and to find catharsis, but at times (like right now) I slip into being too emotionally invested to the point of connecting too strongly with fictional scenarios and being concerned with the opinions of other fans in ways that impact my wellbeing in a negative way. I need to sometimes step back a bit until I've recentered myself emotionally.

I value the friendships that I have made in this corner of the internet so, so much. Your interest in my ideas and our sharing of our different theories and our mutual fondness for this wonderful series and its characters has brought me a lot of joy and helped me feel less alone in many ways. But when I'm feeling like my family doesn't understand and respect me and I'm feeling alone, I do need to be wary of looking for finding understanding online when there's a certain culture of misunderstanding and drama if I accidentally wade into the wrong online circles that aren't seeking to understand me or seeking to share their thoughts with me in a mutually respectful way but are seeking to feast on social media drama or people who are seeking out someone to be angry at who they don't know and who they can turn into the scapegoat for their own worries. Strangers online aren't always kind and they aren't always willing to remember I'm just another fan and human being.

So with my depression and my increasing anxiety around my relationships and communities both online and offline I've been quieter here lately. I've been trying to spend less time in fandom spaces and trying to get more time outside in the fresh air, get more sleep, spend time with people who I know love me and allow me to feel heard and understood and respected, and figure out what I need for my health and happiness that I'm struggling to find.

I want to reassure you all that I'm very lucky, that I'm very safe, and that I have no worries about food or a place to live or anything like that and that I have a good network of people in my life who will make sure I'm okay. But depression and anxiety and other undiagnosed mental health struggles and unemployment and family issues can weigh on a person.

I'm still here. Thank you for spending time with me in this corner of the internet even if I've been really quiet lately. I still love Stranger Things. I still appreciate the friends I've made here. And maybe I'll return to blogging more regularly and with enthusiasm and joy when we have new content or when season 4 is released. I don't know where I'll be at emotionally later today, tomorrow, or next week. I'm taking things one day at a time. Sometimes I might write about my ideas and reply to Asks, and sometimes I might not. Sometimes I might reblog posts by others that I appreciate, and sometimes I might not post anything at all for a while. Thanks for understanding. ♥️

#do not reblog #personal

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userastarion · 2 years

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alright so after crying about my anxiety on my own enough times and realizing venting in a notes app about my emotions is not cutting it i’m going to write about it here because what is blogging if not oversharing on the internet persevering

i haven’t outlined the situation in its entirety in writing yet bc i have only spoken to myself abt it and i obviously know what’s going on so! here we go!

in case you missed it, my (first and only) relationship started a handful of months ago with a navy submariner. (i didn’t know he was navy when we started talking but w/e that’s not the point.) we had 2 weeks after we first met before he was out to sea for a month, accessible by email. then we had 3 weeks in person again before he was deployed for 6 months (we’re into month 4 of said deployment now).

the first time they hit port, he contacted me as much as he could, and i could tell. i appreciated that and told him so. i kept getting these rushes of affection for him -- enough for me to be like, “fuck, am i in love with this man?” -- and a night or two before they went out to sea again we exchanged kind of sappy messages wherein he told me he loves talking to me and wishes he could talk to me more while in port but his international cell service is shit so it’s hard. but he told me he missed me a lot and said he wouldn’t rather be anywhere but back with me.

now, during the first two months of deployment, email communication was sporadic at best but at the very least available. when they left port after the first visit, they went dark -- so for 6.5 weeks, i heard absolutely nothing from or about him. i managed to cope with this in an okay way. it was rough at first but then when global politics did their thing i started kind of assuming i wasn’t going to hear from him again until they got back, and once i accepted that, i was fine.

so then last week i get a text on monday that he’s in port again, which i did not expect, and what a nice surprise that was! we texted throughout the day and i was really grateful to know he was safe and doing ok.

however! he was frustrated with his phone being reset and having to fix everything, and to my anxious ass brain, that colored the rest of our conversation. to outside eyes i honestly doubt it would have but to me i was like well he’s annoyed now and something feels different about how we’re talking. (could i point out those differences to you? absolutely not. they probably don’t exist. but ~anxiety~.) plus, this time, we hadn’t been communicating for the entire time in between, so there’s part of me at this point starting to wonder if that had altered how we talked to each other.

no contact tuesday. that should have been fine, but i have no idea how long he’s in port for, and after so long without hearing from him i was DESPERATE to hear his voice. so i started to get kind of antsy. last time they were in port i got antsy when i didn’t hear from him too. it sucks because i have literally NO idea what’s going on over there. i have no clue how much he’s having to work, how much his service is actually working, if his phone is charged, if he has other plans with his friends, nothing. and as an anxious person, this uncertainty sometimes destroys me. but we’ll get to that.

he finally called for the first time on wednesday after not answering my last text (which, ok, he does that sometimes -- just leaves a text when he plans to call) and then of course it was as i was leaving the doctor’s office, so i ask if i can call him back, but 8 mins later he wasn’t answering me again. such is life with a navy sailor in port. i know his work schedule can get whack and things change quickly so i tried not to hold it against him or anything but you can imagine my disappointment as i continue my day bitter af that i only got to hear his voice for 7 seconds after almost 2 months without it. fortunately, he did call me that night, but he had plans to go out with his friends... and though he said “i’ll call you later,” which he used to almost always follow through on, he didn’t. i also felt like our conversation wasn’t spectacular, but y’all, trying to talk and catch up with someone who cannot tell you what they’ve been up to for the time you haven’t spoken is a real feat. especially when he’s surrounded by people all the time and will respond to them when they speak to him. (which does drive me a little bit insane ngl. but i digress. the guy’s been on a submarine for 4 months.)

thursday rolled around and we texted a bit. eventually he stopped responding so i was like alright whatever he must have gotten busy or had something to do. i had plans that day so it worked out fine, except as i was lingering outside where i was hanging out with folks he called. so i had to plan to call him back, and i did, and we talked for literally 10 minutes before he had to go for what i thought was briefly (to switch his laundry, lmao) but took over an hour for him to get back to me. and that’s fine!! i mean, yeah, i felt a little like i was left hanging, but he did call me back, and then we talked for almost an hour at least. i got him talking more and things felt better. he had plans with his friends, and he had to shop, so we said our goodbyes, but again he ended it with “i’ll call you later,” and didn’t. that night i decided that “later” probably means “tomorrow.”

except!!!! that was the last time i heard from him. at all. i figured he had a duty day (which is like a 24+ hr workday) bc that’s why he couldn’t reach out on tuesday, so i let friday go, but now i haven’t heard from him in days and like i said before, there is literally no way for me to know what’s going on. for all i fucking know, they left port already. last time, he called me the day they were leaving and told me he’d try to text me if they were for sure leaving and then couldn’t, so it’s not entirely out of the realm of possibility, although i have a pretty strong faith in him to not just ghost me. especially when he’s deployed. but the navy is the navy, and sometimes things change quickly.

but i have anxiety. especially in relation to my romantic prospects. and especially when there is any kind of uncertainty. uncertainty makes me extremely anxious, and with so much uncertainty in all of this, i have been having a Time.

i have this fear that has nestled its way into my heart and my mind and i don’t know how to make it go away. i am absolutely terrified that something has shifted in our relationship. i have been really worried he could lose interest over time, that his feelings would fade as deployment went on, because at this point he has been gone longer than we knew each other before he left, much less even had time to see and/or speak to each other. i felt good about things two months ago but now i am scared.

i have been steadily spiraling and catastrophizing as i go longer and longer without hearing from him bc last time in port the longest i went with no word was about a day. he ALWAYS tried to reach out. if his service was shit, he used discord over wifi. this time i have had absolute radio silence for 3 days now and i’m freaking out about it. (now let me be clear: this is a port-specific situation. he’s really far away and with so much unpredictability around his situation, i am on edge constantly. just not usually about his feelings.)

i have tried to reassure myself about not hearing from him or the possibility of him only reaching out due to a feeling of obligation rather than actually enjoying talking to me by reminding myself i have no clue what is keeping him from contacting me. maybe work is ramping up because they need to go back out to sea soon. maybe his phone service is down. maybe since they have more free time around this port stop, he has simply been utilizing that free time as much as he can before having to go live in a metal tube underwater for months again. or maybe he just doesn’t want to! there is literally no way for me to know!

but now that knowledge has warped from kind of a comfort to something that literally kept me awake last night. what if he doesn’t care anymore? what if he’s ignoring me on purpose? i’ve sent one text per day and they’ve all gone unanswered and i don’t know why. (tonight’s i sent about an hour ago so i guess technically there’s still time for that one bc we’re on a Wild time difference but whatever.) i decided if my third one gets no response, then it’s time for me to take a hint. whether that hint is intentional or not. i don’t want to feel like i am coming across as desperate as i feel if it turns out he’s blowing me off. my messages haven’t necessarily warranted a response, but when someone asks you to wait for them over a 6 fucking month deployment and it’s your first relationship, you would hope they wouldn’t just ghost you. especially not while overseas.

i am not like this normally. when he’s around i don’t feel the need to constantly hover. but the uncertainty, like i keep saying, of having him so far away and no access to any news regarding what or how he’s doing or where he’s at or even his emotional state, is driving. me. insane.

the other thing i keep going back to is... yeah, this time feels different. we’re farther along in deployment. i think, based on what my sailor has said, a lot of the guys are feeling different now too. and based on research i’ve done, chances are the relationship will change when he gets back from deployment too, because we’ve been away from each other for so long.

but!!! aside from lack of communication, i have no evidence anything has changed. he has still called me when he found the time to and texted back at least a few times.

i have no idea why he isn’t talking to me. i don’t know if it’s on purpose or not. and this has left an anxious pit in my stomach that has lived there for over 24 hours now. i have cried more in the last 36 hours than i have in like the last month. my anxiety kept me awake last night. that hasn’t happened in years! normally i struggle to fall asleep when he’s in port because i’m unintentionally keeping myself awake in case he calls or texts, but i have my sound on -- i don’t miss any calls or messages, even if i am sleeping.

i’m just a mess about this whole thing because i don’t know anything. his last night before deployment, we got into an argument, and one of the things he said was, “it sounds like you need someone who’s here more often.” and i fought back, said i could handle it, that that wasn’t an issue i had with things. but now i’m kind of afraid he could be right.

granted, this is such a specific situation. it’s not exactly usual to have your not-quite-boyfriend in the fucking ocean for 6 months, inaccessible to contact for 4 of those months.

i just don’t know how to handle this situation or the emotions it’s bringing with it. i have fought so hard to cope with deployment because this is my first romantic relationship and i damn well want it to work out. but i can only work with it if there is something there to work with. when i am left unanswered with no idea why, i start to spiral, and i have hit the point where i’m absolutely out of control. i was crying at work on friday. i had to bail on breakfast with my friends this morning bc i got no sleep last night and felt like awful, anxious shit.

i really like him. i am starting to need confirmation he still really likes me.

i told my mom about some of this and she said, gently and piercing, “you always knew this was a possibility, though, right? with him being gone for so long?” yeah, mom, of course i had worried about our feelings changing, but since he had straight-up told me “do you think i’m just going to leave and then come back and dump you? i would hope i’d have made it clear that wasn’t the plan,” at least before he left.

chances are it’s innocuous. chances are, he has been working really hard, and probably taking advantage of his literal time in the sun before they won’t see it for months again, and i have nothing to worry about. but i am worrying, and it fucking sucks. i’m so tired of feeling like shit about this. the ONLY THING i have that’s concrete and giving me something to worry about, or so my brain thinks, is not hearing from him for a few days.

i have been trying to figure out what i’m going to do if it turns out he did ghost me. i don’t know. i told myself earlier today i’d probably just cry for a few days and move on. but i won’t know for sure until more time passes and i do or do not receive any kind of message.

my mom told me i should just reach out and ask him if he could keep me posted on when they’re leaving, but i felt weird doing that. especially after 2 unanswered messages. i felt like it would come across as guilting him for not talking to me, and if he has been unable to communicate because of forces out of control, i didn’t want to even come close to that kind of connotation. so i settled on a reminder to drink water and added in a little “got these reminders in while i can” to sort of remind him i know we’re on a time limit. maybe that was worse. maybe that could be guilting him too. i don’t know.

that’s the thing of it, huh? i don’t know. i don’t know what the fuck is going on and it is making me want to scream until i have no voice left in me and no energy left to try. my anxiety makes me so laser-focused and i feel so terrible about the whole thing and i’m angry that i’m so upset but that doesn’t negate how upset i feel and it’s just a huge mess.

if i could just hear from him. so much of this would go away. but all i can do is wait. and it is so FUCKING DIFFICULT.

#this is long and i will probably delete it #but god i needed to get this shit out of me #i think it offered me some catharsis altho the pit is still lovingly homed in my stomach #i am so over feeling like this i don't think i've had this horrible a time all at once for a While #b:personal #text post #tbd

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phyrexian-arena · 3 years

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the ever so lovely @lochrenmonster (thank you ren!! 🖤) tagged me to overshare on the internet as the kids say lmao and i'm happy to oblige

nickname: i don't really use any? i call myself binnie on duolingo though

zodiac: taurus

height: 163cm

last movie I saw: i've paused star wars episode 8 to do this

last thing I googled: confession kdrama netflix (it's not on there)

favorite musician: i think a band i have been enjoying consistently for several years is ghost. but i have many songs from various artists i return to for comfort

song stuck in my head: song for jacob by the bravery

other blogs: aaah there we go again @forestian @avyth @krathian @synthred @visitingcafes

blogs following: 302

amount of sleep: generally i get 6-7 hours of sleep. sometimes half of that if at all

lucky number: 3

what am I wearing: black summery romper and thick woolen winter socks

dream job: i don't think about that but i'm looking forward to the next job i'll start in september. it's in UX

dream trip: trips are about company. i have people i'd love to travel with. destination doesn't matter. but the playlist does you either sing or you walk

languages: fluent: german/english/russian. i'm also learning korean and arabic

favorite food: i... i could not decide that. i have many things i like for various reasons. generally though salty crunchy hearty stuff

play an instrument: i'd love to but time and money yknow. i did learn guitar at some point but that's not a story for a sober day.

favorite song: i'll skip that one. i do enjoy vaudeville by priest and listen to a lot of slipknot at the gym if that helps.

random fact: i have a scar on the back of my head that lead to a spot where i don't have any hair but the hair around it is thick and long enough that nobody sees or knows about it

describe yourself as aesthetic things: hello yes i run multiple aesthetic blogs but can't describe myself in em i genuinely don't know. i just want to make people feel safe around me and look bodyguard chic. whatever aesthetic things that adheres to.

i'll tag: @on-a-ravens-wing @sleepybosmer @hesychiae @museoftragedy @griminker @wicclan @elluvians @daggers---drawn @feverberry @ideale @beelial @ego--x

#listen i'm only prepared to describe myself in three words and i've been thinking about that one for months beforehand #so i... i can't do that.#korbin.txt

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watchinglikeafangirl · 3 years

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Lovely Writer Epsiode 8 - analysis

I have to say, this week's episode is the best one so far because so many things got explained and the puzzlepieces suddenly find their places. It's incredible how much hidden forshadowing the other episodes contain. Every week, I sit here and find clues they placed in episode 3 or something. It's really nice and that's what good writing is about. I find the script really great because this show focuses on so many different aspects, it's literally overwhelming.

On the one hand, we have Nubsib and Gene's lovestory which mostly happens apart from all the other stuff going on. Lovely Writer makes fun of all these cheesy romances with cringey dialogue underlined with a soundtrack that doesn't fit the atmosphere in the scenes at all. Gene and Nubsib have scenes which mix all the cliches at the same time. But at the same time, their lovestory is slow and their affection for each other is not all about physical attraction because love is not about that. Of course, enjoying kissing and having sex is a normal part of a relationship but I often feel like BLs want to tell me all the other stuff happens "off screen" because the talks late at night and taking care of each other are actually way harder to write. But Lovely Writer shows us very much about all those other aspects of a relationship, for example when Gene and Nubsib talk on the phone for hours. These are relationship goals which are rarely addressed but take place way more often than making out.

On the other hand, Lovely Writer is not about a lovestory at all. They make the Thai BL industry look bad by showing the harmony on camera and during interviwes is a fassade because all this pressure and fame gets to one personally and you turn out to be the worst version of yourself. This industry basically wants the actors to sacrifice their life, their identity for entertainment. This is a very sharp critic and Lovely Writer portrays this very well. They manage to switch between lovestory and toxic film business quite well.

Lovestory in a fairytale

Last episode nubsib went to the house where Gene hid and this story continues in this episode. We all know, what happened last week, there were many gifs about it and the cuteness continues here on an even higher level.

But all this takes place somewhere far from their work with no other people around. They are in this house together and spend two day there of explorig their feelings and I guess, talking about stuff most of the time. The rooms are always flooded with daylight and it looks very cozy and warm. Their relationship went next level and they both are very happy about it, so the first half of this episode contains a lot of positive feelings and the outside is not interfering. It looks more like a lovestory in a fairytale because they are drunk on happiness and excitement. It's something new, the start of a relationship and that's a big step. In the beginning they don't face challenges and can basically live happily in this house. But of course, the fairytale has to end and they go back. The mood switches at an instant and the lighting is different because now they aren't as free any more. Before, they were in a lonely house and were free to do anything.

This sort of bright lighting returns on the balcony because there, they can't be disturbed either and are just two young people in love again. Being in love in a silly and cheesy way is also part of a relationship and it's something normal, so Gene and Nubsib have those moments too even after they are back because now we (and Gene) know it's real. It's not something that happened in a different world. It is the reality and takes place even in the normal life.

Relationship goals

Like I said, their relationship looks very natural and is not faked or forced. In fact, their romance is too good to take. They share a few kisses but it's not the kisses which make my heart melt. It's Nubsib ask for consent in those moments. It's their talks. It's the little actions for me because little actions of care and love are way cuter than just a bunch of kiss and NC scenes. That's not what I want. I only watch BLs because they are about a love despite what society might tell you is right. I'm not here for kiss scenes. In some shows, all the private scenes of the main couple contain either kissing or sex and I don't understand why. In a relationship, you like this part as well but like the person you do that with more.

So, I like Gene and Nubsib's relationship being more lovingly and honest very much because trust, loyalty and honesty are more important.

Also, we can see they are both very serious about the relationship and go all in for it. There is no angrily storming off again. There is no being mad for a whole epsiode any more. There is no annoying shyness and blushing. Both characters don't really match the cliche dynamic and I love that because stereotypes just make me sick.

Here, Gene and Nubsib have an argument and even though they get disturbed, Nubsib makes sure they will talk about it later. They will have a mature and conversation about this when they both have calmed down. And this is real. This is normal and nothing to be very scared of. It's just a little argument that will probably be solve in a few sentences.

Lovely Writer has a whole concept. We got a moment when one of them was storming off and was mad for a whole episode but they just did that to reverse it and portray it as unrealistic and unfair for the other person because this way Gene wasn't giving Nubsib any chance to apologize nor explain himself.

Oversexualization

If I'm gonna talk about the fact the love story doesn't contain a lot of kiss or NC scenes, then I need to talk about this problem here. Actually, the oversexualization of BLs is harshly criticized in this scene and I belive Gene is totally right but the thing is, it's not just the Thai BL industry and it's not just BLs. It's far more than that and I believe westernization is a part of it (that's a huge topic, I know. I will only address one tiny aspect here). I don't know very much about the eastern countries of Asia. I only know what I've seen in documentaries or on the internet, so I can't say I'm an expert at all. But from what I know and what I've seen, Eastasian societies are more closeted about relationships and sex. I'm not saying every country (please, don't be offended and feel free to correct me) and I don't know how open Thailand is about this topic but I feel like the "western" countries are more open about it. I live in Germany and here it's a topic like everything else and people tend to overshare. I feel like the countries which are that open, oversexualize very quickly because it's no difficult topic among the people. So, oversexualization happens in all film businesses of such countries and since Thai BLs have fans all over the world, they oversexualize too in order to make the people like it. The whole internet seems horny all the time, so it works and sells itself pretty good. So, Gene doesn't just call out the Thai BL industry. He basically calls out half of the world's film businesses because they all do it.

But like Hin said, that doesn't mean NC scenes should be banned or are bad. Just an overuse of such passages is the problem here because then it's not about romance any more. Then, you can call it an erotic novel. When there's one or two NC scenes and they make sense in the story, it's totally fine. The writers and authors just need to find the right balance. And since the preview looked like things will be happening, then it's just happening because the mood was right. See sex as part of bonding because relationships are basically just good friendships with some next level stuff.

Consent

People love Nubsib asking Gene for consent whenever he wants to kiss him and that's really considerate but I saw this post here and discovered Nubsib is not the king of consent at all. He's only asking for consent whenever they are alone. But not when they are with other people because he knows Gene is shy. He outs him to three people during this episode even though he said he'll wait and Gene obviously doesn't want him to do that. Afterwards, he even comforts Gene to lift the pressure but he can't deny he put this pressure on Gene in the first place. As I said, Gene is shy towards other people, Nubsib knows that and plays this card. With others, Gene won't say anything because he's too polite and also, you don't have an argument in front of others. So, Nubsib doesn't stay true to his words and is still manipulative.

Finding your soulmate

Believe it or not, but I totally see Lovely Writer fulfilling the "soulmate" trope because this episode both indicated this - more or less through words.

Nubsib tells Gene, he felt lonely all these years in America and this loneliness vanished when he saw Gene again. He had a relationship before but still felt lonely (also, I love his previous relationship doesn't matter at all. There's no jealousy or anything). This sounds like he wants to say Gene is his long awaited soulmate.

Gene was lonely as well over all these years and got used to it but as soon as he and Nubsib grow closer he's reminded of the loneliness. He doesn't accept it any more and I believe he's nearly dying inside right before he calls Nubsib. They spend two days alone and many things happen emotionallywise, so when he gets home, he feels very lonely. Nubsib reminded him what it's like to not be lonely. He became aware of the loneliness again and hates it even more now he has someone freeing him from that feeling. Even though Gene doesn't say it, I feel like they want to tell me Nubsib is his soulmate too.

Product placement

This show's product placement cracks me up everytime. The picture with this woman... what was that lmao

Why would she hold up a face mask for a picture?

Also, the spray is so misplaced... Gene was upset but Nubsib was like "at least smell good"

Nubsib: the king of comforting

#lovely writer #gene x nubsib #this episode was too good #their relationship is so pure

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leejungchans · 2 years

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💌// My Dear Sol,

I’m so glad my letter made its way to you!

I’m now extremely curious to know what prompted you to affectionately refer to Dino as rat haha

And I’m impressed with your conversations skills! You gave me so much to open up about I’ll have to consciously hold back a bit cause I’m prone to over sharing, but I don’t know what could give myself away (if there even is something to give myself away with...)

It seems impossible to me to bias just one person... In seventeen I fell for the 97 line but they didn’t come as a group, I got connected to each at separate times; DK had caught my eye even before I was into kpop with his first Arthurkyeom pictures, then I just discovered the ray of sunshine he is; Hao is my baby; and Myngiu is there to be my enemies to lovers trope cause his “perfectsona” gets on my nerves but I love the clumsy puppy

And I’m a fairly new atiny, I was converted by corseted Seonghwa in Kingdom appearing from behind that line of armed men.... (what a moment, I still get teary eyed thinking about it), but even before that, I had seen a video of Yunho with Rain and I was clearly interested, I remember thinking “This is the kind of man I need to have my eyes on” cause I thought he was older (I’m a 95 liner)... Jokes on me, he is even younger than my original 97 boys... So yeah, after watching a lot of their content and compilations no one was surprised these two ended up on my bias list... And I had my attention on Mingi cause I had seen a post comparing him to DK, so watching Ateez content I was kinda sulking and going “you are not him!” And yes, he is definitely not DK, but jokes on me again... I fell for yet another gigantic boy

(Gosh sorry for the long paragraphs... And I’m holding back!!)

I’m not gonna comment on my song choices cause this letter is already too long, I’ll just say I’m a sucker for sad songs and a vocal unit stan so some of my faves are Don’t Listen in Secret and I Don’t Know from SVT and With U and Turbulence from Ateez

Now I’m interested to know about your writing... what is/are you favorite fics with your bias??

Hope you’ll have an amazing weekend!

xoxo

- your secret admirer ♥️//

MY CONVERSATION SKILLS %\##\%\>#[%] i have none (at least irl) but thank you ;;;;; that’s really sweet of you to say 💗 and i can totally relate to oversharing hwhdhwh bc i do that way too much on the internet 😭 but dw hehe at the moment i still have no hunches as to who you might be :> but pls don’t apologise for the long paragraphs 🥺 i love hearing from you and i can alr tell you’re so fun to talk to!!!

lee chan is a rat bc my mind is infested with thoughts of him 😞 someone call me an exterminator right neowr 😾 he’s just FRHRGEGEG SUCH A RAT >:((( i love him 😞 and wahhhh ‘97 bias line!!!! that’s so cuteeeee 🥺 AND YOUR E2L TROPE WITH GYU WHEJJWJJWJS god made him perfect with everything else and decided to make him clumsy for balance, except it backfired bc it makes him even more endearing which makes him even more perfect </3

SEONGHWA IN THAT CORSET SO TRUE BESTIE!!!!! that whole performance was legendary and him recreating it with a sword on their tour is a huge YUP 🤩✨ AND YUNHO!!! another fine man <3 (but honestly they all are wghshwh) your comment reminds me of when he mced for an event a few months ago and someone working at the venue later said he has a face that “makes you yearn for marriage” and i think about it a lot still 🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️AND MINGI BESTEST BOY EVER OH GAHD I LOVE HIM SM YUNGI ARE LITERALLY GENTLE GIANTS 🥺

your song choices are v v sexc hehe turbulence especially made me sob like a baby ;-; as for my fics, my favourite one for chan has to be the secret language of flowers :> but i’m planning another one and i’m excited to write ab it!!! i shockingly haven’t written much for ateez but i’m pretty proud of unlikely partners which is a yunho fic!! but i also have ideas for three fics (for joong hwa and yeo) hehe 👁👁✨ i hope you have a lovely weekend too 🥺💗 have some pics of some cuties <333

#carat admirer 💌#sol answers #long post

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