#idk how to be a person anymore

[nuppu-nuppu]

Ignore if you don’t want to read about me being stupid once again

#pls dont read if you cant handle venting and whining #once again i am here to say that i am the loneliest person alive and i feel like i can’t grasp the basic consept of friendship and do it lol #like idk how to be friends #i feel like i will forever be sad and lonely #and i know everyone will say you can talk to me and i know that but i’ve just been by myself for so long that i don’t remember how to have #actual conversations with people i feel like i am disconnected from reality #i feel like i am an extremely unlikeable person and that’s why i was all alone in highschool and idk i am oversharing on the internet again #because it’s the only place i kind of feel safe doing it #pls take care of yourselves first before comfoting me or anything im sorry i sound very pathetic #how do i start living again #how does one live anyway #im just in my head all the time #this was supposed to be hot girl summer but it’s once again summertime sadness #im so stupid!!! #im so anxious and depressed that i dont know what to do with myself #im so sorry for oversharing i have a therapist dont worry im kind of taking care of myself #but the eternal loneliness just wont let me go #idk how to be a person anymore #i’m just sad #thinking of going to a church and pretend to be a believer so i could have a community again lol

[hexplaything]

feel like a teenager again bc all the stuff i'm actually struggling with in too embarrassed to talk to my therapist about :-)

#idk how to be a person anymore #good girl speaks

[yaolmao]

simp

#I HATE COLORING I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE #my friends bought me an Apple Pencil and omgggg I’ve never had pressure before in my life #this changes everything #I can actually put my hand down on my iPad to doodle?? #I’ve gotten so used to hovering my hand like what is going on #anyways 15!chuuya is actually amazing #I’ve made a recent discovery that I’m a lot similar to Dazai than I thought and idk how I feel about that cause he’s such a brat #ive gotten to the point that I’d actually talk to him on those character ai’s and it’s actually so embarrassing like it’s nothing #like the actual bsd dazai but I’d actually rather talk to a robot than a real person about my problems #I like kids being kids so I’m always down to draw 15!skk #chuuya nakahara #dazai Osamu #bsd #bungou stray dogs #skk #soukoku #myart #I’m gonna post and pass out now

[robotpussy]

#polls #personally i dont like it but thats only because i dont like fandom. the type of stuff that gets the most attention #in fandom usually just annoys me idk. how to explain it in a way that wont come off as me saying #fanfic or whatever is evil its just the fact that it just bombards alot of the conversations? #i prefer it when the thing i like has 10 fans and theyre all on one message board or forum #like for example mtvs downtown is getting popular but apart from annoying #'me and the mid nerd guy i copped by being weird and sexy' posts its not awful.... #but then smth like... clone high or smth i suddenly cant remember ppl just got so annoying abt that show?? #like i cant stand it i dont even bother watching it anymore plus its just weird to me now like i can't watch it regardless #im just rambling but personally i do not like it. like i dont want what i like to get a revival #i dont want anything new! i just want to enjoy the thing and move on 😭 #fandom seems to prioritize shipping and memes over evaluating or simply just enjoying something! #this goes for anything. music film tv books....

[furiwokaaan]

oh look, it's the We Love Clive club!!!!!!(also known as clive protection squad)

#ffxvi #doodle #my art #joshua rosfield #jill warrick #torgal #final fantasy xvi #ff16 #u think i know how to tag for this series?????????? #anyway if u have a ps5 bls play it im not the same person anymore #if jill can sew handkerchief then she CAN make nuis #jill creates the first nui in valisthea #also idk if camera exists in that world but its ok joshua can draw

[amelia-yap]

AUEGH

#ruby rose #rwby #obligatory tiny distressed ruby #my art #HELLO I HAVE OFFICALLY FINISHED YET AGAIN ANOTHER ONE OF MY SEMESTERS #and holy shit it was the most awful by far #i felt like absolute shit the entire sem and was behind in literally all of my classes #it was so shit that i actually skipped a class because of the stress of being behind on work. which i had never done before. #i am a criminal now lmao i feel so bad #also a little mad at myself because i know i could've done better. i've been doing the bare minimum and cutting corners #which was very noticeable lol #im gonna actually split my upcoming semester this time my ass and health cannot do this anymore #BUT ANYWAY I FINISHED MY SEMESTER RAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #COUGHS OUT BLOOD AND SINKS BACK INTO EARTH'S CORE AND EVAPORATES #IM DONE!!! #also my eyes are really red now for some reason #probably from the lack of sleep or the long hours staring at my bloody laptop idk #probably both #yeah i should go sleep now lol bye #ranting in the tags because i don't know how to talk like a normal person lmao #sorry if you read all this nonsense jkdhkfsdhfkhd #but i should be more active around here again!

[mathurbator]

No one appreciated me in last semesters chem class when I pulled a graduated cylinder and said "ah yes. The smartest of all my cylinders"

#so here it is for you to enjoy I guess #personal #chemistry #science #jokes #idk how tags work here anymore

[withdenim]

Do you think they know? About the whole. Being gay thing? I don’t know if they know.

#percival called Arin cool so many times after seeing him fall on his face SO many time #That’s the gay condition sir #percival tartigrade #guy with the STUPIDEST NAME /affectionate #Arin ninjago #Arin dragons rising #dragons rising part 2 #what’s their ship name lmao #I’ve seen people call them #imperiumdragon shipping #and also #dragonclaw shipping #personally I think the word floortile should be in there #tartigradefloortile shipping /j #how stupid can I make it competition #idk if I like imperiumdragon bc imperium is. a place KFNFKDMKF #that lots of people are from #and he doesn’t want to be a claw anymore so idk if claw works ! #percival x Arin ninjago #my art

[honeypleasejustkillme]

i use dissociation more than anything i’ve ever learned in my 10yrs of therapy

#actually bpd #bpd problems #bpd vent #actually borderline #actually mentally ill #bpd fp #bpd #bpd shitposting #bpd favorite person #bpd mood #dissociation is my favorite coping mechanism #that and avoidance #i love avoiding my problems until i can’t take it anymore and have a full blown breakdown about it #it’s easier to go through life ignoring everything that’s bothering you until it all just explodes one day #idk maybe that’s just me tho #right after every breakdown i feel like shit tho cuz i usually freak out everyone around me but i don’t know how else to cope #even tho i’ve had 10yrs of therapy nothing else worked for me #so dissociation it is babyyyy

[keepthetension]

this was made especially for those of us who cut ties with our shitty families, huh

i cried so much this whole episode. i know that i can't be in that house and be who i am at the same time, but the guilt and shame never really go away. i love that this episode said, wholeheartedly: fuck what society says, you should be wherever allows you to be happiest

anyway! you always hear that family estrangement is rare in asian communities, but i did it! and you can do it, too! dump your shitty family! i believe in you~

#tsukuritai onna to tabetai onna #it's incredible like i don't think i fully realized how ashamed i feel until this episode had me ugly crying into my blankie #especially because the abuse was invisible and people say: oh everyone's family says harsh things! it's because they care! they love you! #and no matter how hard you try to explain the magnitude of what was done to you people still shrug and say but they're *family* #not that there was ZERO physical abuse but like. that's just How It Is in the community i grew up in so it's not a Reason reason #and that's all aside from all that's expected of me as the child of an asian family (that i am simply doing none of) #FUCK i guess i just compartmentalized all of this so securely i didn't think it could bleed out anymore #thanks tsukutabe. i guess? #this show is RELENTLESSLY coming for me this season too like explicitly stated asexual rep? a treat for me personally! #idk i never expected an asian drama to be so clear about this especially because kasuga's abuse was invisible too #and the idea of not sacrificing yourself for your parents is COUNTER to what you're supposed to do #i am just VERY EMOTIONAL right now #i love kasuga so much and it was rough to see her going through it but i am SO HAPPY that she's accepted and loved

[ctl-yuejie]

a taste

#only friends #only friends the series #ofts #mark pakin #papang phromphiriya #i am obsessed with how good papang is #trust me to read too much into it but to me he clearly has an idea who 30 sth year old Dan is #seemingly out of the dating scene since at least his graduation so doesn't know the current lingo #feeling a bit too old but also unsure how he likes being called old but hot #very charmed by this junior but not used anymore to getting butterflies in a club #lowkey knows that the boss thing might be a bit hmm... #(listen: i love that again the show doesn't give us a clear line of 'dan is a creep' because there is a lot of room for him to essentially #be a good option for nick as well as the possibility of accidentally acting unethical) especially within the community it is worth to #observe whether the power imbalance on its own speaks against the person #he's also a bit shy wondering whether this cute guy would actually be interested in him because he is sweet and obviously aquainted with #going to bars so surely he must have options #and mark is also so wonderful ;A; even before he spots boston you can see that there is still some heartbreak lingering #but also that he liked the kiss but it was a very different feel to boston #also: somehow papang in mlc and papang here kisses absolutely differently and it makes so much sense to me that he at this point in his #life would kiss like this?? idk how to explain it better #this show continues to bring out the best acting out of everyone #(to derail: maybe why i want the writing for top to be that he's still in the grey so badly because i think that is the kind of difficult #acting force is actually mastering in this series)

[sodafrog13]

mm. thinking about how ferryman fight to the death over who gets to man the ferries. how the victor claims the loser's skull as their prize, how their skulls are so powerful that they're used to unlock certain areas of hell.

this means nothing to V1, obviously; sure the terminals tell them this information, but why would they give a shit? they have one objective and one objective alone: kill anything that moves. sure they could take their skull and use it to their own ends, but there's enough of those lying around the place for them to manage without it. simply put: not their problem.

but i can only wonder how gabe feels about all that. i mean obviously he doesn't have a personal relationship with every single one of the ferrymen; i'm sure that would be impossible, even for an angel of his prowess. but he does care for them, to some degree. turns a blind eye to their supposed acts of blasphemy and saves (at least one of) them from destruction in a starless sea, even though he quite clearly doesn't have to.

does he simply accept it as how things ultimately have to be? does he mourn at all, for those who do not make it? feel anything when he sees the remains of their failure scattered about hell?

how would he feel, then, knowing that V1 had killed one of the beings he adores so much? the one he'd saved from certain destruction, who painted portraits of him and called him the light in their darkness, who referred to him as though he were their own god? was it simply par for the course, another drop in the bucket of losses he'd been forced to take? or was that one different, somehow?

does he, too, find value in their skulls? as something to be coveted? something you have to be willing to die for, even? because if he does, i'm imaging a world where he lives and they do not. a world where he takes their skull to keep, to a possessive degree, even.

not as a trophy. not as a symbol of triumph. but as a reminder of how he was made to inherit nothing. because if you were made to inherit nothing, and the being who made you no longer exists, then why not just take whatever the fuck you want?

why not give love to the being who worshiped you, even if you can only now love them in death? it's just you left now, isn't it? you make the rules. you control your own end. and if you arrive to that end with the skull of your beloved in your hands, as a last fuck you to the beings who would have told you your love for them made you worthless?

then that's your choice. that's your end. not like anyone can say anything otherwise anyways.

#ultrakill #ferrygabe #the trash speaks #trashcan's analysis #excuse me being deranged abt them #idk if this even makes sense anymore but i am. thinking abt them #and to a degree how doomed they r #i personally typically like to imagine worlds where they r happy together. bc it makes /me/ happy #but canon is how canon is

[moki-dokie]

hey non-americans, yall are aware that cowboys still exist today right? yall know they aren't just from tales of the wild west yes???

please say yes

#cowboys #idk what to tag this to get it seen #europeans #i'm talking to you guys specifically #but the rest of the world too #actually no central and south america are exempt from this yall have them too #anyway i had a british person talk about them to me as if they were but a myth #and i had to um actually them #i imagine it'd be like any of us thinking shepherds don't exist anymore #like how tf do you think massive herds of cattle and horses are wrangled??? #hell even in stockyards #anyway if you didn't know now you do

[hiyyihrts]

I’ve only recently got into the bridgerton fandom side of things but making an entire blog about how much you hate one ship/character is actually kinda crazy and obsessive 😭 if you don’t care about them or don’t even like the show bc of them why keep entertaining it and talking about it… maybe unclench and log off for a bit idk

#bridgerton #like idk if I don’t like smth I’m not gonna make my entire personality online about how much I hate them #aren’t y’all exhausted or what #maybe take a break from being online and go outside and realize… it’s all fiction and not reality #you don’t have to entertain it if you truly don’t care or don’t want to no one is holding a gun to your head man 😭 #this goes for any bridgerton ship tbh bc some of y’all sound insane #also… media literacy ain’t there anymore #y’all think every character has to be 100% good with no faults or very few faults in order to like them #but all characters in bridgerton have their faults and morally grey areas #and some are worse than others #but it’s all fiction at the end of the day #polin #saphne #kanthony

[mandalora]

Stolen from amidonexor, no one asked me either

#vinland saga #askeladd #this game should be called “wanna see how much you’re woobifying this character without noticing?’’ #embarrassing #I’m never doing this kind of exercise again it’s like when you say a word so many times it stops feeling real? #none or these feel real to me anymore #they’re all so wildly different it’s somehow insane to me #idk man I haven’t thought abt styles :tm: in many years #main takeaway is fuck the anime style all my homies hate it #give yukimura a goddamn award for using line weight and angles? like a normal person?? wow!! what a fucking concept!!! #my asky looks fucking unhinged love that for him #it’s that kind of day #why does he also remind me of my grandma a little #anyway cool 10/10 would not do again would not recommend #absolute mindfuck of an activity #my art

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

Imo Jason is “irredeemable” by default because I don’t see what he needs redemption from.

#I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before but joining this fandom made me fucking hate the word ‘redemption’ #no person I’ve seen who is in love with the concept knows the who what where when why or how it should work in a story #apparently it isn’t just themes and tropes anymore people don’t understand the proper use of the word ‘villain’ #kelseethe #also hilarious: Jason should recieve sensitivity training HR style from Bruce ‘I’m the government and children are my cronies’ wayne #if Jasons headstrong/‘answers to no one’ attitude towards vigilantism is what makes people think he's villainous #I hate to be a broken record but the baddie you’re describing is Bruce #nobody thinks he’s a villain for only trusting in his own methods/self and repeatedly isolating himself #and on top of that gaslighting and hurting people around him in attempts to do what HE **thinks** is the right thing #you people always thought *him* heroic not problematic for all these traits #the only difference is Jason isn’t psychologically abusive & controlling #yet he’s still the bad guy just cause he liberally kills folks in the crime business. #l'd argue goth ham war is the b*tman story to remind you of everything that makes Bruce authentically himself #Idk how to tell you that Bruce mentally compromising/crippling his son in a twisted attempt to ‘save him from himself’ #is perfectly in line with slitting the same son’s throat because he couldn’t stand to see him avenge his own killer #and yk what a redemption arc could be interesting for someone like Bruce #because he rarely questions or doubts his choices esp wrt Jason. no matter how morally dubious they may be #I think it would be quite fun to witness his extremely restricted worldview be challenged/shattered he deserves that humbling experience