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#do i believe that Tech is dead?
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okay, so I love star wars but I just noticed something and I'm,,, just the tiniest bit angry.
clone wars: *confirms Hardcase has adhd*
clone wars: *kills him off*
bad batch: *confirms Tech is autistic*
bad batch: *kills him off*
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thedwarventradesman · 2 months
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I had been saving Bad Batch to watch till I rewatched all of Clone Wars and just finished season 2 — catch me sobbing harder than I ever have over the death of my favorite clone and comfort character… I am NOT okay.
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nightfall-1409 · 2 months
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Im mentally chewing on the fact it's now Commander Scorch on his own working for Hemlock.
Like it'd be really fucked up if the reason he stayed and the others either didn't (as in they took a path similar to the books and got out altogether, they're some of the first clones eligible for retirement after all given their service records) is Sev and having to leave him behind. Or maybe the other's have since died. and he's the only one left to keep going. hooooo
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metamatronic · 1 year
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oh thank goodness the d1 polycule is in tact. FALSE ALARM GANG
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chaotic-kitty · 1 year
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THE BAD BATCH SPOILERS!!!!
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The freezing metal against his palms is almost a relief, for once. The uncomfortable sensation draws him out of his thoughts, grounding him back in the real world. 
Hours upon hours he had spent silently hoping, begging anything out there that might listen to let his brother still be alive. 
Now, Crosshair almost wishes that Tech had been killed after all. 
He still remembers so viscerally how swiftly his free will had been snatched away from him, before he had even noticed it was gone. As if he were nothing more than a mindless clanker. It’s one thing for it to have happened to him, but the thought of it being forced upon Tech, innocent, infuriatingly selfless Tech - his hands curl into fists, fingernails digging into his palms as he fights off a sudden wave of nausea. 
Crosshair’s only hope is that whatever they’ve done to him is stronger than the inhibitor chips were. That if the real Tech is still in there somewhere, he isn’t aware of what’s happening to him. Because if he is, if he knows what he’s being forced to do… it’s worse than any torture that Hemlock could devise. 
The tightness in his chest is growing again. He swallows, pushing past the constriction to force himself to speak. “Omega?” 
The little girl shows no sign that she’s even heard him. She hasn’t moved from her curled-up position since the door sealed behind them - arms locked around her knees, frozen to the spot except for the trembling of her shoulders. 
There’s a part of him that wants nothing more than to retreat back into his own shell, to shut Omega out along with the rest of the world, and yet he can’t. Something about the way her breath hitches with barely stifled sobs twists his gut into knots.
“Omega,” he hisses, leaning forward to give her shoulder a wary nudge.
There’s silence, before Omega finally unfurls herself. For a moment, she just gazes up at him, despairing eyes glistening with tears. And then, she surges forward, flinging her arms around his neck with a sudden reckless abandon. 
It takes a lot to surprise Crosshair, but that certainly does the trick. He stiffens, his arms automatically straightening in front of him - just short of touching Omega. She’s crying properly now, burying her face in his shoulder as she sobs. 
Should he say something? What is there to say? He knows better than to lie, to assure that everything will be alright. What’s the point in telling her something that both of them know not to be true? 
Hunter would know what to do, they all would, but he’s not like them. He’s a ticking time bomb, a fractured, savage beast held together by fraying threads.
And yet he’s all that she has left. 
There’s nothing that he can do for his brother, not now. But there might be something he can do for Omega. 
Tentatively, he wraps an arm around her back, holding her closer against him. The other hand mechanically combs through her curls, a wooden attempt at replicating the way Hunter used to soothe him. 
Whatever he’s doing, it seems to be working. Gradually, Omega’s breathing slows, her sobs fading to dejected sniffles. She makes no move to raise her head from his shoulder, still clinging on tight to him. 
Crosshair is her only anchor in the storm, now. Him, the last person in the galaxy she should trust to keep her safe. 
And yet, for some unfathomable reason, she does. 
Promises can be dangerous things, especially ones that have no guarantee of being kept. Crosshair knows that all too well. 
But danger has never put him off before, has it? 
The promise that he makes to himself in that moment is a silent one. It doesn’t change the fact that they’re still imprisoned in a cell with no conceivable way of escaping, or that all it takes is one word to make him disappear, or that his own brother is one of the ones keeping him trapped as a lab rat. 
All the same, something seems to shift inside him. The pain hasn’t gone away, but now there’s something else alongside it. A fire that died long ago, and is only just starting to glimmer back to life. 
It’s him that got Omega into this hellhole in the first place, and it’s going to be him that gets her out of here alive. And after he does, nothing is ever going to hurt her again.
Whatever it takes. 
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Character Revivals in SW
Okay, so I just reblogged one of my own posts talking about this and I wanted to touch more on it so let's go on a bit of a ramble.
I know that there are a lot of people who argue that they bring back too many characters from the dead in this franchise and I do kind of get it but I also want to touch on character deaths and what they mean for the greater stories in SW because I actually think that some characters benefit from being brought back.
A lot of the weight of a character's death is defined by the weight that that fate holds on the story as whole. The ones that stick the most are the ones that resonate and have lasting effects throughout the story, or mark a significant turning point. There are a lot of deaths in SW that do this but also some characters who grew more after their revival, so I'm going to touch on a few characters and why the fate that they have works.
Vader
We all know why Vader's death is so significant. It was the final chapter in Anakin's story and it came to a close just where it needed to. That narrative was done, it was complete. It never needed anything after that because his story already has such a strong impact on SW and Luke's story. It made perfect sense for that to be the end of the character. The stories set before solidify this end, but there's no need for anything after.
Maul
Yes, Maul dying worked perfectly fine in the Prequels. There was nothing particularly wrong with having him "die" in the first place, but I think most of us can agree that Maul's revival ended up adding so much to the story of Star Wars. The entire Siege of Mandalore arc alone is reason enough to have brought him back. But it isn't just about enjoying having that character on our screens again, it's that bringing him back added something to the franchise.
The actions of Maul had lasting consequences and some of his actions marked huge turning points for the characters. The resonating effects of what he did are why this character coming back works so well. His legacy is so much stronger now for that story added.
Waxer
While Waxer doesn't get brought up a whole lot, I actually think that his fate is a good example of why some of the less discussed character deaths mean so much. The death of Waxer marked such a deep tragedy. Yes, the loss of so many clones on Umbara was already so heartbreaking, but the loss of a clone that we recognised, and one from so early on in the show, really solidified that catastrophe in our hearts. It was brutal and unjust and perfectly encapsulated why that story was so tragic. They couldn't bring Waxer back after that because it would've undermined what that casualty meant.
Fives
Oh Fives... we miss you dearly. But the Domino Twins are actually perfect examples of demonstrating this point, which is why I'm bringing Echo up right after this!
We all wish we could bring Fives back, as implausible as it would be, but him dying is exactly why this character has had such a firm chokehold over the fandom. We love him. He brought so much to TCW and we would be overjoyed to still have him around. But let me play the Devil's advocate and explain why he should remain dead (for the sake of the show, not our sanity).
The tragedy of what happened to Fives is why that story has left as much of an effect as it has. Fives tried so hard to protect all of his brothers and to prevent Order 66 from happening, but he couldn't do it. At least, not at the time. His death works because we see the long-lasting effects of what he discovered knowing full well that he will never get to see it. He should be there. That's why he stills sticks with us, why we can never let him go. Because we know that he should be there. If anyone deserved to see what he did for the clones, it's him.
And that's why it was a fitting end for his character. It's heartbreaking, it's tragic, it hurts, but the ripples left from that death are still spreading. That death meant something to the legacy of the show and the unfairness of it is why it cuts so deeply. Fives still gets brought up because the sacrifice he made was so powerful. Honestly, him being dead will always be more impactful than him still being here. I would love to see him fighting alongside Echo and Rex, but the tragedy of it is why it was the perfect end. It was a great chapter for him to end on. It's the perfect example of how to have a character be cut down in their prime while not having it feel like it was too early in the narrative. It was too soon for the character, but the perfect time in his story if that makes any sense.
Echo
And while we're on the topic of the Domino Twins, here's why Echo coming back was the better decision!
As I just mentioned, Fives' death has a legacy. It had a huge, unforgettable impact on the overall story. No-one can deny what Five's sacrifice meant. Echo's? No so much.
Look, Echo's death was tragic and people who love him will not forget it, but it would not have had the same everlasting impact as his brother's did. It doesn't even hold the same weight as Waxer's death in the fact that while it shows the unfairness of the lives of the clones, it doesn't quite have the same level of heart wrenching unjustness. Let's be completely honest here, how much of an influence would Echo's death specifically have on the overall story? Echo would've never have held the same legacy as Fives if he had stayed dead.
But if Echo died now? Holy shit would it be the most heartbreaking thing. His death wouldn't just be felt by the Bad Batch and Rex but also by every single clone that he helped saved. Echo holds so much greater of a legacy now than he ever did back then. He has been instrumental in helping the clones during the rise of the Empire and his impact on the story is so much bigger now than it ever was. Yes, Echo's "death" was tragic, but if we lost him now then the aftereffects of that would be so much greater. Echo's story has improved exponentially from having him back (not to say it was bad beforehand).
Tech
Which brings me on to Tech. Do I think he's dead? Nope. And as much as I joke that it's out of denial, I genuinely do not think that he is for the exact reason that I've discussed here. Yes, Tech's death means a whole lot to his brothers and to us, but to the greater story of Star Wars? Ehhhhh... not so sure.
Now, if the Empire started experimenting on Tech and turned him into another Clone X? Now we have something. It would be dark and horrific but it would also have huge consequences in terms of what this means so characters in Star Wars. It would just highlight even more than now just how powerful and horrific the Empire were.
Tech sacrificing himself is brutal in the moment, but I don't think it has the long-lasting impact on the franchise that people think it does. And it doesn't feel right for him at this point in time. I said earlier that Fives' death was too early because no-one should die at that age, but it felt like a fitting conclusion to his story arc. Tech feels like he was killed off in the middle of his. Even Mayday's death has a greater impact on the overall story than I think Tech's does. Yes, we're more attached to Tech, but what does his sacrifice really mean in the grand scheme of things? It's not like they got any information because Tech died. They still have nothing.
I truly believe that Tech coming back has so much more story potential than him dying and that's why I don't think he's gone just yet.
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ruairy · 4 months
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#had theeeee worst battle of my whole bg3 life yesterday when i went to rescue halsin#hadn't saved for a billion years#had no short rests left#didnt think that maybe i should go and long rest before entering the worg pens bc i maaaybbee had none of my good spells or healing spells#instead i ran in and got stuck in a battle where my guys kept eternally dying over and over#rinsed most of my potions and revifys trying to Stay alive#halsin was the Only reason i got through the fight at all#and then after the fight i had two dead party members no healing spells to get my guys enough hp to get out of turn based#and go to camp#astarion was stuck on like 4 hp woth necrotic damage and kep Dying as soon as a switched off turn based#shadowheart kept stepping in fire surface and caustic brine that i had no way to get rid of#had to rinse More revify scrolls toget to a point i could get to camp#left gale behind so i could do his silly revival quest and hes the only reason I didn't go insane bc hes adorable#i am Only on balanced mode i cant believe how bad i am at this game#i am Dreading the fight in the house of grief and vs orin i had soooooo much trpuble with them in explorer#and im using different builds so idek if i can use the tech i ended up using to beat those fights#i was going to take shadowheart down a mixed cleric druid build#but now im like no........maybe i need a dedicated healer actually......#luckily i was then fully healed to take on dror ragzlin#and it was mostly an easy fight#but lmao
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jasmines-library · 1 year
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Fucking damnit Dave Filoni.
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ajdrawshq · 2 years
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Santa and Repliku for the character bingo
when u go from having the Santa mutual.. to BEING the Santa mutual.. what a timeline im living in rn. anyway,
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SANTA MY FRIEND SANTA. he started as @bibiana112's blorbo and he still very much is sjvdjsb they definitely have more thoughts abt him than i do but i still love the guy!!!! my first 999 playthrough i kept trying to go thru doors w him bc he is just so goddamn neat and the way he presents himself was funny to me. the voice acting for him is SO so good ive never heard someone say fuck with their whole chest until i heard this guy. door 6 and The Incident never fail to destroy me every time i watch em, let alone the safe ending,,,,, ough . despite my lack of thoughts abt him i love to microwave him in my brain whenever im reminded of him. do NOT let the name fool u there is so.. So much going on w this guy i dont even know where to start. wait tech have u ever even seen a real pic of Santa actually i need u to look at him rn one sec lemme
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percieve him. just. fuckin look at this guy. do i even need to explain why i circled the gender option so much. also the canon isnt real thing is bc of the sequels. where is he.......... OH also he is canon bi/pan which is very epic of him <3
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REPLIKU!!!!! good god. every day i rotate this poor poor child in my head til they overheat and explode. i almost circled the everyone else is wrong abt them but i have a select few ppl whom i trust. i am aware the darksuit they have looks funny but i LOVE it okay and. i . i cant talk abt repli too much lest i go on a multiple page rant again (i have a whole other ask for that which i still havent answered bc im. still writing my answer. its been months) but they are everything. to me
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evilminji · 1 month
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Been Watching Weird Fruit Explorer(?)... and I just...
W-Who let Bored Danny have BooTube?
Sorry, YOU-Tube. He has TWO Apps now. BooTube is bigger. Way more random, yet... somehow more niche? Meh. It's what happens when you get billions of billions of people who all have their own Obsessions to rant over, on a site.
Ember's channel is pretty lit, tho, ngl.
He stopped using YOU-Tube almost overnight. Too many ads, weird algorithmic pushiness. No thanks. It was too small and too "trying to take my money". You know?
Buuuuut? See.... TUCKER is the Tech guy.
Coding and that sort of stuff. HE does hands on work. You want a toaster? He can MAKE you a toaster! With LAZERS! Runs off The Goo! But a program? Eeeeeeeh? Hit it with hammer maybe? Monkey make fire? Hit with stick? Blergh.
Yeah, he can SORTA push through.
But he suuuucks.
And like... he had a headache, okay? His project had just, quiet literally, exploded in his face. So when he looked at his phone? All the apps were blobs. He clicked the one that LOOKED kinda right. Shoved his arm in his phone and brute forced a channel set up.
He figured he could ramble about Space!
It's not like he cared is anyone LISTENS or not! It's a "for him" thing, you know? Like a diary. But more... putting on a ☆~show~☆?
So he rambles from the floor of his Lair's Lab, crashs and wails in the distance, green sky occasionally visible as he lazily floats by windows. Dropping... juuuust past human knowledge understanding of Space. Talking like he's STUDYING somewhere. Referencing PAPERS no human will ever be able to find.
But a few they WILL.
Some of which, are currently? Only half written.
But then? Oh YEAH... he should eat! You know... Sam keeps bringing him fruits and veggies and stuff from her internship at that Botanical Lair. Stuff never seen before of Earth. Or hasn't been seen in centuries.
Again, like, a FEW that? Randomly? Have???
He picks up something sharply purple, bright orange insides. Crisp crunch. He makes a face. And starts to ramble about it, distracted from Space. "Weirdly mushroom-y" he notes. "Kinda bubblegum sweet? But like... CHEAP bubblegum. Like it hits you all at once and is kinda chemically. But it disappears real fast? Huh. Spicy too..."
It's the first video on the Playlist. One of hundreds. Two of the green Lanterns RECONIZE that fruit ad HIGHLY toxic to humans, can't recognize what planet they're seeing. Or how this alien teen got himself on YouTube.
He seems... unaware of how incredibly famous he's become.
But his strange techno Pharoah friend has not. HE is both perfectly aware and apparently amused. Has taken to feeding him rare and hazardous flora and fauna, to see if it tastes good.
....there have been an alarming number of plants from dead planets.
And the comments the kid makes? Alarming as hell.
Sam's just pleased everybody's getting their greens. Danny's glad him n tuck get to hang and do "try weird foods and fuck around, bro time". They've made lazers! Talked about stuff! Debated why Martian Manhunter is THE superior Justice League member.
Danny understands. Wonder Woman is a BAMF. But he's biased, Tucker. He doesn't CARE if she has a sword and flowy, impressive locks! Shape-shifting telepath! From MARS!!! *imaginary mic drop*
And Tucker? Is conquering the YouTube scene with this charming, weird, relatable young alien. Who rambles about Space, debates nerd stuff, eats weird plants and describes them, and makes sci-fi technology! Theme? WHAT THEME? Phantom is a weird channel, man. You never know what you'll find!
And no one can get rid of it.
Believe them, governments have TRIED. Censorship? Not possible. Not without removing the whole SITE.
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silkythewriter · 3 months
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Heyy so weird request but could you do a vox x reader who has a kinda one sided rivalry with him in the sense every time he releases tech she'll challenge herself to make a better version
Vox with a one sided rivalry with reader!
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Warnings!: A tad tinne winne bit of angst!, sorry if he’s OOC! (˃̣̣̥ ^˂̣̣̥`)
Fandom!: Hazbin hotel!
Author note!: OOOOOO I haven’t written rivals to lovers in a bit! Hopefully it’s not too bad!
( ̄▽ ̄)💧
Summary!: One sided rivalry with are favorite TV demon (ノ ≧∀≦)ノ
❤️Written by silkythewriter Do not steal or repost on any other platform please! <3.❤️
★🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮★
“In the morning, you would gone
I'd be mourning, tryin' to hold on To
the memory of your lips God,
I'm so lovesick What have you done to me?“
★🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮★
!📺✨Vox✨📺!
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Devastated, like actually in greif
After YEARS of not even a single demon upon billions below in the forsaken place called hell could make a DENT in the empire he built. But then you came along! With all your Gezmos and trinkets! (He refuses to call them anything other then that)
He is insecure, no matter how much he puts a face on about not having a fear in the world. He dose, he’s terrified of being replaced or knocked off the top!
The first time you released something after he did he merely laughed. You? A small tiny little business? What idiot would do that!? Your product was most definitely gonna be looked over!
Or that is what he thought at first (ಡ‸ಡ)…
Soon he realized how quick your growth to fame was. And honestly had a melt down, who even were you?!
He makes back handed complements on his TV show like for example “and on recent news a new technology has been released by *insert your name/company name*, looks a bit cheap but it’s okay for their first time!”
Yea expect those a lot…
He’s use to company’s butting heads with him, but he always squashed them in under a day! If not less!, so he was bewildered when you just kept popping up everywhere. He doesn’t even know how. half of the channels in hell are owned or under his name! Or at least played on HIS tvs!.
And when he released a product only for the next day for it to get a bit over shadowed by yours he loses it. He immediately thinks your doing this on purpose, he thinks your doing this as a means to get his attention.
Will never admit it but he bought one just to break it outta rage but after a bit he understood the hype, will take this to his second death bed.
He’s never had a good look at you before maybe a small invention or gala for some of the highest company owners in hell. And let me tell you when this man saw you he was shocked, it took velvet to snap her fingers for him to get out of his trans-like-state. He’s more embarrassed then he’s ever been, not only are your products prove to be a good runner up to his but you were making min lose his breath.
He didn’t wanna believe at first before velvet confirmed it to him.
And may i say, the minute you glanced at him and gave him a charming smile while waving your hand at him with a small glint of pride in your eyes, he actually had a system crashed screen as his whole system rebooted.
It wouldn’t be long till you made your way over to him trying to introduce yourself(•̀ᴗ•́)و
Honestly he couldn’t think straight until you excused yourself to talk to another business owner. He dosent understand, for all the years he’s been dead how is his heart beating so fast for you?
In denial about any feelings towards you, it can’t be! He despises you !, right?
Takes him a bit to work up the courage to talk to you again, as he introduced himself properly with as much passive aggressive charm he could muster. Only to be confused at your sweet yet passive aggressive smile as you shook his hand with such care
How can someone be so competitive yet so sweet?
We’re you trying to woo him on purpose!?(ᗒᗣᗕ)՞
He didn’t understand even though he knew your intent, and the underlying nature in your interaction. He still found it charming, and shocking at you technical level and marking tactics. He isn’t happily impressed, but he is definitely impressed, he would never show that though of course.
It always seemed no matter how much of a short time between releases you always managed to make it better he just didn’t understand how!. How did you have such short time to perfect something that he’s been working at for months!
He soon realizes out shinning you or squashing you business wasn’t gonna work. You guys were too evenly matched, it would be through pure luck that one of you would out shine the other one day and not the next. So he did the best next thing, purposed a business deal (quite reluctantly might I add)
To just merge company’s he knew your rise wouldn’t falter anytime soon.
At first you felt like this was a trick, to steal your soul or take you out while your walls were down. But he quickly explained it’d be easier to just have you work on things and share the profit (surprise, surprise)
Now you can decide weather you accept or not!
But after that meeting he would call you over for many more strictly for business meetings! Definitely not just desperate to spend time with you or anything
Even when you proposed to just, email, or text, he still declined saying he found it easier to say what he needed out loud. Definitely…. (≖ᴗ≖✿)
Sooner or later you’d catch on, or some people on the news would gossip of your “secret affairs”
You would soon confront him about this, and let me tell you this man is decent at standing under pressure in some if not most situations expect this one.
I feel like he wouldn’t admit it till MANY months later cause he’s just that stubborn
He just hates it, he hates your stupid smile, the way you make his stomach do back flips, the small glint of happiness and pride when your product is loved and bought by the millions. He hates the smile you keep even if at a rivalry with him. He hates everything about you, he hates it, he hates it so much he ends up realizing he loves it.
Yea he is one complicated man….
But once he finally admits it, and you end up giving it a shot. This guy would try to act like he wasn’t about to shut down, like his inner fans and vents weren’t about to self implode, he’d act cool and collected about it but behind closed doors he’s quite literally smiling like a dope
NOW if this were released to the public, the mess that would ensue is scandals upon scandals.
I mean! Imagine the head lines! “Two of hells most biggest company rivals now together?!”
News is fast to spreed lemme tell you that
I feel like he would rather have the relationship private but if it got out…let’s just say he wouldn’t stop it either per say (¬‿¬)
Overall! I feel like even if it was a one sided rivalry I feel like it would quickly turn to both of you butting heads. Cause to out shine the king of tech himself is quite the challenge, and you being able to do that says a lot!, he’ll be holding a grudge even into a relationship and still would get competitive here to there he would definitely still study your work to see how you improve so fast!. Still in the end of the day he’ll still dote on you behind close doors!
ପ(๑•̀ᴗ-♡ॢ)⋆*✩
★🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮★
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WOWZA THAT WAS ALOT OH MY GOSH
ヘ(。□°)ヘ
I REALLY HOPE YOU LIKE IT!!, I haven’t written rivals to lover plot in a bit BUT MY GOSH NESS ITS VERY FUN TO PLAY AROUND WITH THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REQUESTING PLEASE COME AGAIN! O(≧▽≦)O
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ms-demeanor · 5 months
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i’m curious what your opinion is on the finer points of the case mentioned in the JSTOR post you reblogged earlier. the two sources in the post say that JSTOR didn’t press charges against him and had already settled with him by the time he killed himself. from what i read on wikipedia, the concern seems to be that JSTOR complied with a subpoena, which i don’t believe they have a choice to ignore? if anything it seems like the us government had reason to want him dead for wikileaks and public court records reasons, so they took a terms of use violation and blew it up into a dozen federal crimes.
is there more context i should be aware of? i have no particular affection or malice for JSTOR but the sources i found don’t exactly implicate the database or its employees in murder.
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That's from page 175 of this document. This line: "The activity noted is outright theft and may merit a call with university counsel, and even the local police, to ensure not only that the activity has stopped but that - e.g. the visiting scholar who left - isn't leaving with a hard drive containing our database" is where I think the culpability starts.
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If someone is downloading 1000s of articles (what seems like reasonable threshold for us to take action), what's wrong with us - or the university in collaboration with us - alerting the cyber-crimes division of law enforcement and initiating an investigation, having cop search dorm room and try to retrieve any hard drive that contains our content, etc. Our content is extraordinarily valuable and hard to replicate by the sweat of one's brow, but can be duplicated by savvy hackers and who knows what they want to do with the content?
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Page 379: "Does the university contact law enforcement? Would they be willing to do so in this instance?
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From page 1296:
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I think the important thing to note here is that JSTOR had worked with MIT and had plans in place to prevent future similar downloads, but remained focused on identifying the person responsible for the downloads and ensuring that their data was deleted.
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"I might just be irked because I am up dealing with this person on a Sunday night, but I am starting to feel like they need to get a hold of this situation right away or we need to offer to send them some help (read FBI).
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And there it is. Page 3093 of the document.
JSTOR can hem and haw about it all they want, but you can't un-call the cops.
MIT was working with JSTOR on preventing future incidents of pirating, but JSTOR repeatedly said that they weren't going to let it go, that it was unacceptable to drop the issue, that they were going to continue to pursue the pirate.
You can scroll through the document and see the JSTOR tech department and abuse team talking about Swartz as a script kiddie, and a hacker. You can see someone talking about how this was real theft - making the comparison to stealing books even while admitting that piracy doesn't close others out of access.
You can see the thread starts with a joke about punching someone in the face for hacking their system, and includes the tech team ominously considering whether they should threaten the MIT librarians with the FBI.
There's something really important to note here which I don't think that people who aren't PRETTY DEEP into hackery shit aren't aware of: US law enforcement is absolutely rabidly feral about prosecuting hackers. People may be more aware of this now because of Chelsea Manning and Edward Snowden (and perhaps a bit on tumblr because of maia arson crimew), but people who work in tech and who are in infosec - like the people joking about calling the FBI in these emails - would be aware of the bonkers disproportionate punishments faced by hackers. And knowing that, they kept pushing and pushing and pushing for identification of the hacker. They kept digging with MIT, they kept saying that simply preventing future incidents wasn't enough.
Early in the exchange someone from JSTOR asked "what's wrong with us - or the university in collaboration with us - alerting the cyber-crimes division of law enforcement and initiating an investigation, having cop search dorm room and try to retrieve any hard drive that contains our content, etc." and the answer is what happened to Aaron Swartz.
It is absolute bullshit for JSTOR to say "we arrived at a solution privately and didn't want to press charges" after law enforcement has gotten involved with a hacking case, especially one where they're talking about "real theft" and are attempting to quantify and emphasize the amount that was "stolen" from them.
The *public* may believe that private individuals or institutions are the ones who "press charges" but that's simply not the case. It's prosecutors who decide whether or not to go ahead with charges; they do it based on what cases they think they can win and what their office's perspective is on the crime. When you hear about people choosing to press charges it simply means that they decided to tell the prosecutor they wanted the case to go forward. It's up to the prosecutor whether or not that happens.
And the tech team at JSTOR had to know that law enforcement wasn't just going to wag a finger at an academic hacker.
There's a parallel here that happens sometimes when people have their identities stolen by their parents. If you mom takes out a credit card in your name, that's identity theft. That's fraud. That's illegal. If you reach the age of 25 and realize that your credit is ruined because your mom has been defaulting on cards in your name, you've got two choices to fix that: one is to accept the debt and pay it off and build up credit, and the other is to report the identity theft - which will end up with your mom in prison for a decade or so. Ruin your own personal finances, or your mom goes to jail for ruining your finances. So if you find out that your mom stole your identity you can't just call the cops to pressure her into transferring the debt to her name or something. That's not an option. The cops are not a threat to wave over people, they are not a way to get people to fall in line or act right. They aren't someone you can send to a college student's dorm room to retrieve a hard drive and have the matter drop.
When you call the cops on someone you are sending the full force of the law after them, and the full force of the law falls really heavily on hackers, and how heavy that blow can be is something that the JSTOR team must have been aware of when they were making snide comments about calling the FBI because they were frustrated with the noncommittal responses they were getting from librarians.
Ultimately it was the carceral state that killed Aaron Swartz, but they would not have been involved if JSTOR didn't think that what he did constituted theft.
Taking an *EVEN LARGER* step back from that, the idea that information can be owned and locked behind a paywall is what killed Aaron Swartz, someone who fought for information to be free.
Like. JSTOR is a licensing company. At the end of the day, cute social media posts and all, they're the same as the RIAA and ASCAB. They exist to extract a fee from people attempting to access information.
Aaron Swartz and all that he stood for are an existential threat to their core function.
Are JSTOR's hands as dirty as the federal prosecutors? Absolutely not. But they operate on a model that puts them in opposition to open information activists and it ended up with a hammer falling on Aaron Swartz that they dropped.
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gnar-slabdash · 2 years
Text
I suddenly woke up stupid early on my day off with multiple weird random aches and pains and a revelation about the Leverage chess metaphors.
They’re all wrong.
Look, I obviously adore the white knight/black king motif, and it works really well for that very specific discussion of Nate’s shift in morality and position at the opening of the series. But the show as well as I and other fans have then tried to take that equation and apply it to other jobs and to the crew as a whole. This is fun and awesome, but I believe you’re going to get it wrong every time if you start from the white knight/black king line. 
Because in all other situations, Nate is not the king.
Couple important things about kings in chess: 1. They don’t move much. They can only move one space at a time, and for most of the game they stay in their own little box, well guarded by other pieces. This is because 2. When the king is checkmated (threatened with capture and no possible escape), it’s game over. There is no more hope. This is the sole requirement for losing the game. No matter who else is in play, if the king is down, you lose.
This is NOT how Nate operates. Yeah, he makes the plans, but he doesn’t just hide in the office while everybody else carries them out. He’s almost always right up in there playing the most obnoxious guy you’ve ever met or smashing windows or something. And if Nate gets captured, it’s not game over, in fact, it often isn’t even a PROBLEM. Let’s look at a few times that happens, just for fun: - In The King George Job, Nate’s getting beat up and Eliot slightly panics and is about to run to help, when Sophie says “NOPE, don’t do that, I can fix this without blowing our cover” and saunters in at her leisure. The jig isn’t up and she’s not even particularly concerned about him getting punched. I love it. - In the Maltese Falcon Job, Nate sacrifices himself to save the team. This is a classic thing to do in chess and chess metaphors, but, I cannot stress this enough, you cannot sacrifice your king. That’s just called LOSING. -In The Long Goodbye Job of course the whole con is structured around Nate getting caught. I guess this one kind of makes sense because the whole point is to look like they HAVE completely lost, but then at the end it appears that Nate’s going to secret prison and everyone else is escaping WITH the black book, so they STILL would be losing Nate but winning the job. 
So if Nate isn’t the king, who is?
Hardison.
Let’s look at our points about kings again:
1. Doesn’t move as far or as quickly: Yes, Hardison ALSO gets out there and participates in the cons, everybody does. But Hardison does stay in the background more often, because that’s where his power is. He does the behind the scenes tech stuff and the remote stuff, he can wreck your shop without showing up through the power of the internet. He also does the forgeries of identities and objects, which are also done in his own space. At the same time, he has less physical power and less range -- you don’t want him in a fistfight, or a gunfight, and his grifts are notorious for being a little. . . uh. . . interesting. So he has limited physical range and power but at the same time. . . .
2. The game is over if you lose him. That far-reaching behind the scenes power is absolutely vital for 90% of the jobs. He does the massive amounts of research and hacking legwork needed just to START a job, even before you get to actually completing the job. You are pretty much dead in the water without Hardison. But that’s just from a practical standpoint. Losing Hardison is also a crisis from an emotional standpoint. He’s our moral compass and our sweet baby brother and when Hardison gets in trouble there is no “well he’ll be fine for a few minutes” and no “well he kinda had it coming.” No, when Hardison is in trouble everything else grinds to a halt and everyone comes running. (See: The Experimental Job, The Grave Danger Job, The Long Goodbye Job.)
So like, yes Nate is in charge. But the king isn’t in charge on a chessboard, the king is just a piece with a very unique role, which Hardison fills much better than Nate does. So, now that we have our real king, who are our other pieces?
Queen: Parker. This has nothing to do with her dating Hardison. The thing about the queen is she can do a little bit of everything -- she can move in any direction, making her the most dangerous piece on the board. Parker’s whole character arc is about learning all the different roles and how to access the whole playing field. She’s the only one who plans and executes an entire episode-length job by herself (okay, with a little help from her girlfriend). Plus, the other cool thing about a queen is she has a built-in transformation story -- a pawn that crosses the board can become a queen, which Parker mimics by initially being dismissed as “the crazy one” and ultimately becoming the mastermind.
Knight: Sophie. I know, I wanted Eliot to be the horsie too, but this makes more sense. The knight’s deal is that it’s sneaky -- it’s the only piece that can turn corners -- and it can jump over obstacles. Sophie’s whole philosophy of grifting is that she shouldn’t need to know about safes or security systems, she should be able to bypass (jump over) all that by insinuating herself with the mark (being sneaky by playing a character to get behind enemy lines)
Rook: Eliot. This is the straightforward one -- it goes in a straight line. It also literally represents the castle walls. It’s also so, so fucking helpful to have around, I fucking hate losing my rooks. It’s your solid right hand man, basically. Is this a little reductive of Eliot? Absolutely, but I’m jamming five complex characters into five predetermined boxes, it’s not all gonna be nuanced. And I think Mr. Punchy would like being seen as the fortress that everybody depends on, and to let all the nuance go under the radar. That’s where he likes it. 
Bishop: Finally, here’s where Nate is hiding. While the rook can only go straight (lol), the bishop can only go diagonally. Nothing can be straightforward for the bishop, he always has to come at things from an angle. Like, you know, constantly looking at all the different angles of a situation and finding the right angle to come at a mark from. Also, the bishops sit right in the middle right next to the king and queen. I don’t know that this is historically accurate, but when my dad taught me to play he told me that was because the bishops were important councilors to the rulers, they were the ones who had important wisdom that would tell them the best plan of attack. So the king here isn’t necessarily the one making the plans -- that’s the bishop. And finally, apparently the bishop is called lots of different things in other languages, but we’re operating in English, which means it makes Nate a priest, and that makes me happy.
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shurisneakers · 3 months
Text
unsolved (i)
Summary: Bucky doesn't even believe in the paranormal. So who the hell thought it was a good idea to stick him in a series about everything haunted for the internet's amusement? With his loose-canon of a teammate who has no concept of subtlety or any shits left to give, to make things even worse. (Buzzfeed unsolved AU)
Warnings: swearing, frustrated bucky at his little shit supreme, Very Loud reader, images and memes that all have alt texts.
A/N: yes this is literally harmless in a different font. do not ask me if anything doesn't make sense. i cannot explain. i resurface every 3 years to present you with ideas born from menty b's. ANYWAY shout out to my beloved ryan and shane. pls enjoy <3
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Bucky doesn’t appeal to the youths.
Apparently. 
On God, he cannot fathom why.
He had definitely left the house in the last six months, maybe. Smiled in at least two pictures that existed on the internet. He even knew what Discord was. Sort of.  
By all accounts, he should be treated as the modern day icon that he was.  
“The youths?” he repeats, the word so foreign on his tongue it felt odd to even say it.
“Your numbers are the lowest of the whole team.” The latest tech-dude, with a tablet twelve models ahead of the one Bucky had in his room, tells him monotonously. “Wilson, Romanoff and Barton score the highest. Everyone else lies around the middle. You are dead-last.”
Bucky has the audacity to look offended. 
“Anything to say?” Their PR head, Maya, asks him, amused. 
He stares, formulating the wittiest one liner he could in three seconds.
“I don’ care,” he mumbles. 
Maya sighs. “Look, the team took the decision together. As far as I’m aware, you are still a member. You need some PR if you guys want to stay in the public’s good books.”
“No one’s gonna listen to me.” Bucky wasn’t exactly the poster child for American values. He couldn’t even vote until three years ago, and that came only after the full wrath of a Steve Rogers descended on the email inbox of the DMV. 
“That’s why it’s important to get them to like you,” Maya emphasizes. “Or the idea of you at least. A very sanitized, corporate friendly version.”
His eyebrow twitches unintentionally.  
“And also you signed the contract.”
Well. Shit. 
Truth be told– and he has openly and rather loudly stated this on numerous occasions even especially when no one asked– he doesn’t understand why they need a PR team. The world has calmed down significantly over the last few years. Bucky hadn’t really been out crime-fighting as much as he was people-watching. There hasn’t been an earth-shatteringly dystopian-level event in the longest time, and there seemed to be a group of spandex-clad teenagers who seemed to do a good job at taking care of them when they did threaten to occur. Go kids.
Even if they needed PR, he could arguably understand the appeal of Sam and Nat and why the people would want to see more of them. Bucky, on the other hand, looked like he crawled onto Earth most days of the week. 
“What do I have to do?” he asks ultimately, knowing there was no way to get out of this. “Interviews?”
The intern shares a look with Maya. Bucky shares a look with the ceiling. 
“The team agreed to do a series of videos, each focusing on a different niche,” she begins, “Crash courses on science, pointing out mistakes in spy movies. Once a week.”
Bucky nods along. He can pinpoint Bruce and Nat for those.
Maya stares at him.
Bucky stares back.
“So,” she says slowly, like he’s a moron, “you would–”
“No.” 
The intern sighs heavily like they discussed that this was going to happen. Bucky was getting predictable. This annoys him even further, for some reason.
“Only once a week, and it doesn’t have to be anything crazy–”
“I’m not doing videos,” he interjects. “I’ll tweet a few times. I’ll even go outside. But ’m not doin’ videos.”
A big step was to get the Avengers off Twitter after the regular shit-storm that occurs every time they’d quote-tweet another politician calling them shitheads. Getting them back on seems counterproductive. 
“Fine,” Maya relents, looking at the intern. “We'll work something out.”
Bucky leans back in his chair, and meditating on ways he can weasel his way out of those too.
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So they stick him in a couple of interviews.
Bucky, as the recluse extraordinaire that he was, does unsurprisingly terrible at them.
Variety does a piece on him that was supposed to take up 2 pages. They send back half a page worth of usable material and Bucky gets a lecture on how monosyllables don't count as answers.
He grunts in return. Maya’s itch to smack his shoulder with the rolled up draft increases.
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They set him up for pap walks. Just him getting fast food for the team, or sitting in the park.
They don’t take into account that Bucky was trained professionally for years on how to hide, sneak in and out of places without a soul knowing he was ever there. 
The paparazzi spend three hours waiting for him outside the pizza place, while he’s been home for two hours with two demolished pepperonis and an order of mozzarella sticks. 
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They give him access to his Twitter. 
He tweets some dumb shit and gets shadow banned by that evening. 
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Maya is sick and tired, and the interns have shifted three times since the whole ordeal started. Bucky honestly feels a little bad. Maybe he should try to be like Scott, who not only wrote a book, finger-gunned at photographers, did an interview a week, but also agreed to a podcast and a video series about literally anything they suggested. 
“Play nice,” Sam tells Bucky one evening. 
It’s an off-hand comment, not even really looking at him while he says it. 
Bucky doesn’t need to ask what he’s referring to, but he thinks that maybe he has gone too far.
He begrudgingly agrees. 
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Therefore, it begins. 
They stick him in the background of a few videos. Just to interact, add his commentary on what was going on, suggestions. 
Then the jokes really start.
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“I just don’t got anything to add,” Bucky tries, in a failure of an attempt to justify his lack of contribution. 
Maya only stares at him, but Bucky swears he can hear her curse quietly, even though her lips don’t move even a millimeter.  
He is not put in another video. 
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And so he finds himself here. 
In a meeting room that he’s convinced is barricaded from the outside so he can’t slither out the door again. Another intern with pink-tinted glasses that took up half their face.
Maya’s in the midst of explaining to him that sure, his numbers had gone up by a decimal, but that was because people had started editing him into the backgrounds of other pictures for other users to find in a perplexing take on Where’s Waldo.
“Videos seem to be working,” she ties it together. “But we need more than you just standing silently behind Captain Rogers.”
“But it’s working,” Bucky objects. “I don’t see why it has to change.”
Maya sends him a glare. Bucky decides then it’s good to shut up. 
“Are you on the internet a significant amount?” the intern asks. The glasses on their face have changed colours to green. Bucky’s eyebrow furrows. 
“No.” 
For the next thirty minutes, he is subjected to a pop quiz about too many words ending with ‘core’, ‘coded’ and ‘eras’. He’s surprised that he knows what cottagecore is. He definitely doesn’t fucking know what a tomatogirl, nor does he want to. 
“What do you like doing?” the intern enunciates, pulling up a spreadsheet of niches that had built a dedicated community around themselves over the years. “Makeup? Cleaning? Parkour?”
Bucky wonders if they’d really create a montage of him just micro cleaning the kitchen every week. It doesn’t sound half bad. 
Beyond that, the only thing he can think of is woodworking, which Sam introduced him to. While he spends time creating little figures, he wouldn’t say it was– 
“You really are dead silent,” the intern breaks his train of thought, tone almost that of wonder. “Guess the whole ‘ghost story for seventy years’ is more true than I thought.”
Bucky throws him a weary look, and works on unclenching the fist that tightened involuntarily. 
“Was that necessary?” Maya’s voice comes coldly. “Take fifteen. Go find the other one we were supposed to meet.”
While sheepish and somewhat apologetic, the kid still looks relieved to be out of there. To be honest, Bucky isn’t really offended– he’s grown a thick skin over the years. But he also thought the guy was a little shit now. 
Maya turns back to him, but Bucky finds that the table contains wonders far more interesting than the conversation at hand.
“Back to what we were talking about.” She ruffles through something on her laptop. “Puppets? History?”
He wordlessly shakes his head. 
Been the former, seen too much of the latter.
Maya’s head tilts abruptly. “You like ghosts?”  
He wonders if the prior conversation had anything to do with this insightful question. 
Bucky shrugs. “Don’t exist.”
“Really,” Maya deadpans. “Aliens and multiversal baboons are fine, but no ghosts.”
“I’ve seen aliens and multiversal baboons. Never seen a ghost in my life,” Bucky argues right back.
“Other people have seen ghosts.”
“Good for other people.”
The door swings open right as Maya’s eyes narrow at him. Guess it wasn’t padlocked. 
“Whatever it is you think I did, Maya, I didn’t. I think,” you announce in a volume too much for a closed room, stopping when you see Bucky sitting cross-armed and looking delightfully disgruntled. “Oh hey, Barnes. Fancy seeing you here.”
Bucky had met you. The newest addition to the team that had made a grand entrance a couple of weeks ago. He thinks you stay on the floor below him, but he has nothing backing this hypothesis other than the disco funk music that had started appearing at odd hours of the night. 
“Please sit,” Maya cracks a smile at you that Bucky had yet to earn. “Sorry, I know our meeting is scheduled for later, but I figured we could kill two birds with one stone.”
You look between her and Bucky, who hasn’t moved an inch since you got here, much less even said hello.
“You must be really bad if Maya had to call me in,” you tell him outright. “I’m usually like, her last option.”
“Thanks,” Bucky replies dryly. 
“Look, here’s my final pitch.” Maya sighs, before turning to you. “You’re new, and we need something to introduce you slowly to the public.”
“Oh, am I finally getting hard launched?” You grin, and Bucky doesn’t know what that means. “Just imagine me kicking my feet, giggling or whatever.” 
“And he needs… an upgrade.” Maya’s thumb juts out towards Bucky who simply rolls his eyes.
“Right.” Your sight lands on him from across the table. “I’ve seen the memes.”
“What memes?” he grunts, because while the team had definitely seen them, it didn't occur to anyone they should show it to him. He loves them. Really. So much. Die for them. 
You only look too happy to pull out your phone and start typing.
“Do you know what skinwalkers are?” 
“No.”
“That’s what they say you look like, lurking in the back of all your friends’ videos,” you continue, swerving around your phone to show him.
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Bucky doesn’t look impressed. He can’t say he blames them either, which makes him inexplicably maddens him.  
“At least they’re calling you their boyfriend,” you add, entirely unhelpfully. “That’s gotta count.”
“Right.” Maya clears her throat. “The both of you–” 
“Are getting paired together, I suppose,” you hum. 
Bucky’s eyebrows pull together. 
He barely knows you. Just a little bit on how you ended up here, that you enjoyed hanging out with the team, figuring out your place in the compound, and were seemingly doing a great job at it. 
You were… loud. And open. 
Bucky feels the compulsive need to compensate for that by doubling down on how silent he could get, as if the two of you couldn’t co-exist in the same space in equilibrium. 
Maya pointedly raises a finger at you. “Do you believe in ghosts?”
“For the right price, I will believe in whatever you tell me to.”
Her face lights up brighter than Bucky's ever seen.
“Great.” Maya slams her laptop closed. “See you later.”
Bucky’s left staring as she exits, not even throwing the both of you another look.
“That was quick,” your voice cuts through the silence. “What was that all about?”
 “Don’ ask me,” he grumbles, with a sinking feeling that he knew exactly what was about to follow. 
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“Ghost hunting?” Bucky echoes a week later, as expected.
“Yes,” Maya tells him simply. “Two of you. A series based on paranormal activity.”
“I don’t even believe in them,” he reiterates. 
“That’s the point,” she emphasises. “Skeptic and believer. It makes for a good contrast.”
“Why us both?” He hopes it doesn’t come off as offensive. He just doesn’t see why he can’t do this with Sam. Even Clint, if a gun was really pressed to his head. 
“I’m new, no one gives a shit about me,” you say brightly and full of promise. “Yet.”
“Exactly. It’ll be low key. Not an overwhelming number of viewers, no expectations. It’s perfect for launching one Avenger and re-launching another.”
“Sounds rad.” You grin, leaning back as your feet rest on the chair in front of you.
Maya looks relieved for a moment that at least one of you was on board. “No promises on anything. We shoot one video, and if it does well, we stick with it.”
“What if I don’t want to?” Bucky argues. 
“Then you have until tomorrow morning to give us another feasible idea,” Maya dishes back.
Bucky retreats into his seat, arms crossed over his chest. 
Truth be told, he considered himself to be the most boring person in the team and though he had made his peace with that, he was sure thar bringing that up now would entail Maya shooting him in the foot.
“Fine,” he agrees and the sighs around the room are loud. 
He scoffs. So fucking dramatic and for what.
“Put her there, partner.” You stretch ungracefully over the large table, sticking out your hand.
Bucky eyes your hand. “Do you even believe in ghosts?” 
“I do now, yeah.” You nod seriously. “Love ‘em. Can’t get enough of them.”
“One video,” Maya reminds him as a balm. “And if it doesn’t work, you’re off the hook forever.”
Off the hook? Forever? For Bucky?
Yay. 
“One video,” he reiterates.
You roll your eyes before smiling when he leans forward to grab it. You yank it up and down clunkily. He blinks at you, letting go slowly. 
“Thank fuck,” Maya groans, head dropping onto the table. 
Your smile is wild. “Guess we’re doing this shit together.”
He doesn’t even have to look very deep in his soul. He already knows he’s going to suffer.
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Hacker
@would-we-be-friends-if-i asked:
Alec Hardison (hacker/tech genius, cinnamon roll, does NOT like heights but can deal with them if he must)
@pomrania writes:
The ones I'm uncertain about are Nate Ford and Hardison. Hardison mostly because there's very little tech for him to use, thus his master-class specialty isn't available and he'd have to be judged on more "normal" factors (although he's also a skilled grifter).
@r0sequarks writes:
Hardison is definitely dead. He is not meant to go into the field alone. His grifting style is notable for getting him dangerously in over his head on multiple occasions. Plus, he’s out of his element with nothing to hack. My boy’s getting eaten. Probably at the shaving incident since I doubt he’d take the crucifix.
@darthlordcommie writes:
Hardison: He's a hacker, he gets a bit too smug, his skill set is useless. Slurp slurp.
---------------------------------------------------
WRONG! WRONG! YOU'RE ALL WRONG ON THE INTERNET!
(intended lightly I love you all dearly)
I get where you all are coming from but like okay. Let's break this down.
Yes, it is true that Hardison's fatal flaw is overconfidence and getting a bit too impressed with himself. Yes he overcomplicates things. He's a genius and he knows it and that gets him into trouble. But this is not going to be a problem for him in Castle Dracula because:
Hardison is the member of the crew with a healthy respect for the supernatural
(Yes, yes, Parker believes in the supernatural, but that's not quite the same. Parker believes in the supernatural the way she does everything else - idiosyncratically.)
I'm surprised to see doubt that he'd accept the crucifix. Hardison, again uniquely among the Leverage crew, is godfearing. He's the one getting qualms about stealing from a church - not Nate, whose church it is. There is no way he'd refuse a crying old lady bestowing a religious artifact on him for his protection - his Nana raised him better than that. Not only is he a Polite Young Man, but there are some things you don't mess around with, and divinity is one of them.
And vampires are another! Hardison has two features that are going to offer him a lot of protection: he's extremely culturally literate and he's afraid of things that are scary. The others approach Dracula as a Mark; Hardison is the most likely to approach him as a vampire. If he were able to just nope on out of there he would. Hardison does not want to be here, doing this.
The cultural literacy is a bit of a double edged sword, because he might be operating off the wrong set of vampire lore, and if he comes in visibly armed against vampires Dracula will perceive him as a threat and kill him. This is where his tendency to go too far comes in - given the choice he would enter the Castle with like three braids of garlic around his neck and other unsubtle markers, and this would get him immediately killed. But if he only realizes he's in a vampire story after he becomes a prisoner, when he lacks the ability to outfit himself, then his knowledge (and fear) becomes his best weapon of defense. He can't get overcocky because there is nothing in here to inspire him own confidence. He'll be too terrified to be smug. And that's what's going to keep him alive.
One of you speculated that Nathan Ford is the most like Jonathan Harker of the crew. I couldn't disagree more. Hardison is. He's intelligent, assured and proud of his own skills, afraid of things that are scary, inclined to shit-eating when the situation permits it, young and idealistic, madly in love with his autistic wife, [century of your choice] up to date with a vengeance, a polite and sweet-faced young man, godfearing, skilled in encryption and decryption, constantly referencing his favorite media, logical and methodical, researches everything, and is afraid of heights. There's a reason I make Jonathan's catch phrase "Age of the Clerk, baby!" The novel Dracula is a technothriller and to the extent it's applicable in the late Victorian context, Jonathan is the Drac Attack Pack's hacker. And not just because he hacks Dracula's head off. Who presents the Documents and Backstory at the beginning of every Leverage episode? Hardison does.
All this to say, provided it takes him long enough to figure out that Dracula is an actual literal vampire that he can neither nope out nor arrive in full Blade cosplay, I think Hardison's stay in the Castle plays out almost exactly like the novel as written. As I said, I very much don't think he'd refuse the crucifix, so he won't die shaving. He'll absolutely panic like a rat in a trap before calming down. When he doesn't get cocky he does in fact know how to play a Mark quite well, so he can play the game with Dracula well enough for his fear and discomfort to be funny. He'll know he's going to die and act accordingly. He's gonna be real unhappy about that sheer drop but he will brave it as a matter of life and death. He is not going to go out to get devoured by wolves when he has the option of not doing that. There's nothing to hack and a decided lack of orange soda, but you can't have everything.
I seem to be in the minority here, but I actually do think Alec Hardison can survive Castle Dracula
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