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t-lostinworlds · 2 years

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You Are My Sunshine | Steve Harrington

》 PAIRING: steve harrington x female!reader

》 TROPE/GENRE: childhood best friends to lovers; fluff; angst

》 SUMMARY: You always found comfort whenever Steve would sing, especially when it’s that song. He was always willing to do it for you, even if in the end, his heart would break in two.

》 WARNINGS: canon divergence (eddie is alive bc i said so, reader gets cursed instead of nancy, and i know the final battle happened at night but let’s pretend it didn’t for the sake of the sunset lol it’s symbolism i promise), a very sweet & soft steve, pet names (angel, my love, pretty girl), mentions of toxic parents, implied sex & nakedness (like one (1) paragraph), blood, injuries, major angst, character death, sad ending (...sorry.)

》 WORD COUNT: 5.4k+

A/N: hiiii, haven’t posted a fic in a while so i’m nervous. and this is my first ever steve fic so i’m extra fucking nervous so pls be nice sklsksks. i’m keeping my first-fic-should-be-angst tradition going so yeah, this is pretty sad. BUT that will also vary per person lol. hope you still enjoy it tho?? AND ALSO, the song i followed was mostly christina perri’s version instead of the original one but yeah it’s more lullaby than anything else.

++ big, big shoutout to @selfcarecap for proof reading this for me and for screaming at me (affectionately and supportively) on discord even if you had no idea who this man is 😭 ilysm <3

📍 BLOG NAVIGATION ✩ STEVE HARRINGTON MASTERLIST ✩ MAIN MASTERLIST ✩

⊱ ─────.⋅♚ *｡･ﾟ.★. *｡･ﾟ✫*.

Steve Harrington never sang in front of anyone.

Well, unless you count the times when he had one too many drinks at some party where he'd belt out a song or two along with the crowd then, okay—

Steve Harrington never sang in front of anyone, willingly.

Nor will he ever if he had any choice over it.

He wasn't terribly bad at it, but he wasn't ridiculously good, either. He was, more or less, somewhere in the middle, a person who could at least carry a tune without sounding like a dying muppet.

Still, if he wasn't inebriated, he would never be caught singing in front of anyone, even if they'd beg him to.

With only one exception.

You.

His best friend, his soulmate, his other half, and later on—after so much pining, denials, failed dates, heartbreaks, and a hard shove from Robin—the absolute love of his life.

To be honest, you were an exception to so many things in Steve's life. And when he'd known you for as long as he could remember, that was saying something.

So it shouldn't have come off as a surprise that you would be the only person he would willingly sing to. All you needed to do was ask and he'd ignore the deepening blush on his cheeks, take a deep breath, and start singing that song.

The song.

Well, frankly, you didn't even need to ask if he truly thought about it. Because Steve always knew when to sing to you, especially when he would catch on that it was what would help you at the moment.

The first time he ever did it was when you'd fallen off your bike when you were seven. The scrapes on your palms and knees weren't deep. But as a child who was newly introduced into one of the many cruelties of this world, of course, they still stung.

A young and confused Steve was left to comfort a crying you on the sidewalk. He'd tried to help you up since you were only just a couple blocks from home, but you were too scared, knowing that once your parents would see you in that state, you'd only get a scolding. Steve figured out as much when you cried even harder when he told you he'd get them for help.

There was nobody in his house, his parents were out for a couple of days, something to do with work. It was why Steve was left with your folks in the first place. They were good, old friends, which was how he met you.

So taking you into an empty space with Steve having no clue where they even kept the first aid kit, it wasn't the best idea, not even near good.

Then he remembered that one time he woke up from a nightmare when he was very much younger. His nanny had tried to soothe him with a soft hum of a song. The melody and lyrics were still so vivid in his memory since it did calm him, lulled him back to sleep so quickly he couldn't even remember what happened in his dream.

So, with no other option left in his eight-year-old brain, Steve gently took your hand in his, and sang,

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…"

You'd look at him funny at first, but hey, you stopped crying, so Steve took that as a win. But then a moment later, you leaned into him, wrapped your tiny arms around his torso in a hug, softly sniffling as you buried your face in his chest. With a proud smile, he kept going, humming against your hair as he smoothed your back. Your breathing grew steadier the more he did so.

Steve had managed to calm you down enough to be able to help walk you home, bargaining that he would tell your parents it was his fault so you wouldn't get shouted at. And if that didn't work, he vowed to never leave your side when it happens.

As expected, you both got a scolding from your parents. But, as promised, Steve held your hand through it all.

From then on, it simply became your thing.

You always found some sort of comfort whenever he sang to you, specifically with that song. It seemed to ground you somewhat. Steve had grown accustomed to the steadying of your heart whenever he continued to hum the melody, your body melting in his hold when he'd murmur the lyrics against the skin of your crown. And it wouldn't take long for sleep to take over you afterwards.

Other times, he would sing to you if you needed a momentary escape, or even just a quick distraction from the horrors that unsettlingly lived in the walls of your broken home.

Like that one night during the last year of middle school. You'd called him up on his own telephone in his room, something that he never thought would become very useful, especially at times like this.

"S-Steve?"

You didn't even need to tell him more, Steve already knew what was going on. It pained him that he did, because it only served as proof as to how many times it's already happened before. If not for the faint shouting he could hear in the background, your barely contained sniffles were enough to have him jumping out of bed, no matter how late it was.

"Just sit tight. I'm on my way."

Steve was thankful your house was only a few minutes down the road from his. The trek from his backyard to yours was muscle memory at this point. Hell, he'd become an expert at scaling a tree all thanks to that big oak that was perfectly situated near your window.

After a few taps on the glass, it was quick to open.

Steve's heart could only ache at the sight of your tear-stained face, his chest squeezing when he saw you flinch at the sudden crash of plates just downstairs.

He didn't waste another second as he climbed into your room, guiding you back to bed before pulling you into his arms. You both curled under the blankets, Steve putting a pillow over your head just to block out any of those harsh noises.

"Want me to sing the song?"

You nodded.

Steve never hesitated.

"...you make me happy, when skies are gray."

Then you both got roped into the whole Upside Down ordeal.

The nightmares were always relentless for the first couple of weeks. Terrifying creatures from another dimension, a monster made of burnt flesh and crushed bones that controlled minds, Russians with a thirst for torture, deaths, far too many deaths. It would be concerning if all of you came out on the other side unscarred and—well, perfectly fine.

It reached a point where neither of you could truly be alone in the dark anymore, senses stuck on high alert that even the faintest rustle of leaves would have you jolting awake.

Steve had been singing you to sleep more times than he had ever done in his life combined.

He wasn't complaining, though. He could never. Because as much as his singing put you at ease, having you curled up in his arms while he hummed the tune brought Steve so much warmth and comfort that the constant beat of your untroubled heart, the peace painted on your beautiful features, it was enough to lull him into a deep slumber.

And still, there were even occasions where you would be the one who'd sing him to sleep, where you would be the one holding him in your arms.

Those nights Steve will forever cherish, where he could freely let his guard down, no more putting up a front as he let himself be vulnerable in your embrace. It was nights when he'd go from the protector to the protected. Even if only briefly, he will always be grateful for that moment of reprieve only you can give him.

Perhaps that was the silver lining to all this chaos you'd been thrown into. Because you and Steve had never been closer. And when you'd been inseparable for all your life, it was one hell of a statement to make.

But it was like reaching a new level of depth in your already strong bond. There were no more secrets, no more putting on a brave face, just you and him, raw and real, flaws, scars, and demons alike but still being able to look at the other with an immeasurable amount of love.

With all that said, it wasn't only when something terrible had happened that Steve would sing you that song.

Like that night when he finally grew the balls to tell you how in love he was with you, the night when Steve finally got to call you his.

You probably wouldn't be able to recall this because you'd been long asleep in his arms while Steve was still buzzing from the euphoria. Your early slumber was his fault, he will wholeheartedly admit.

Okay, fine, he's humbly bragging here, but he'd managed to tire you out after hours—you both were making up for lost time so what—taken by the throes of passion, of making love, as cheesy as that sounds.

And as Steve felt the gentle rise and fall of your bare chest against his own, the song just simply bubbled in him that he couldn't stop it from coming out. A sweet tune, a soft hum, as he sang the words that will forever be tied to all things you.

"You'll never know, dear, how much I love you—" he paused with a lovesick chuckle, pulling you closer in his embrace as if you weren't already laying right on top of him. And as he pressed his lips against your forehead, he fell asleep with a bright smile on his face, right after a soft murmur of:

"I love you, so so so much."

Steve had hoped that from then on, the song would be tied to more happy memories than bad ones.

But then Vecna came into the picture.

He thought it was the truest form of fear seeping in his bones when that vine had dragged him down Lover's Lake, the realization that your scream and the look of horror on your face would be his last memory of you as he was pulled into the Upside Down. He thought those goddamn bats choking him to death and gnawing at his flesh was what finally made him understand the true meaning of being so helpless and scared.

But no.

It wasn't until he saw your eyes roll back as you stood still by the makeshift rope—so close to escaping, but not close enough—did Steve ever know true fear. It was bitingly bitter, the feeling of hopelessness as he desperately called out for you, clawing at your shoulders, shaking, begging for you to just wake up.

The gang was taking too fucking long to find any song, much less your favorite one. And with each second of him watching your barely conscious state, the air in his lungs was growing acidic that his eyes had started to water.

So he turned to the next best thing he could think of.

He didn't even know if it would work, if his singing would surpass the control Vecna had over your mind, if his voice alone would be enough to break through the barrier and have you running back to him.

But fuck it, he was growing desperate.

So as Steve held your face in his trembling hands and pressed his forehead against yours, he sang. He didn't care that his throat was dry and rough, he didn't care if his voice was shaky, he didn't fucking care if he was skimming across being in tune and not.

Steve was singing for you to come back to him.

He was faintly aware that the gang had gone quiet for a moment once he did. Looking back on it, he couldn't blame their shocked faces. After all, most of them never heard him sing before, especially not so desperately.

Yet his focus was solely on you, repeating the song over and over and over, nonstop even if he was out of breath, burning lungs be damned. Because hell, if he was going to die, it might as well be while trying to save you.

"Please don't take my sunshine away."

Steve finally breathed when you gasped awake.

He wasn't sure if Vecna willingly let you go, or if Steve singing to you actually worked. But whichever it was, it didn't matter. You were okay. You were here, you came back, albeit shaking in his arms, but well and alive.

And as he helped you climb back out of the gate on the roof, he thanked whatever otherworldly being that heard him and brought you back. But at the same time, Steve begged for it to never, ever happen again. He didn't think he could take it if that were to happen again.

But the thing with the universe, it never shied away from being so cruel.

•••

Steve hated that he was splitting up with you, especially in a place that had Death written all over it. But he figured you'd be safer back in Eddie's trailer where the means to escape were much, much more tangible. He didn't think he'd be able to live with himself if he brought you with him into the demon's layer only to have you get badly hurt then.

He just hoped that for once you would actually listen to him and abort the mission the second the whole thing goes sideways. He desperately wished you'd bring yourself to safety rather than run after him. But God you were never one to be told what to do. So he bestowed a little faith in Eddie that hopefully, the metalhead would drag you back if it truly came down to it.

It was what he kept repeating in his head, when the first earthquake hit, when the vines took Robin, then him, then Nancy.

You escaped. You're safe.

It was like a mantra, it was what kept him going, to keep fighting just to be extra sure that you were truly safe.

And when he threw that Molotov cocktail at Vecna, you bet it was fucking personal.

For hurting his town, for hurting his friends, for hurting you.

As the turn of events unfolded, Steve thought they might actually have done it, they won. But the moment he felt that smallest semblance of victory, it swiftly deflated when he heard the chimes of the clock, snatched away when the ground began to shake.

You had time to get out. You're okay.

Steve didn't even know if could convince himself at that point, because the second the earthquake stopped, he'd never run so fast in his life.

When he reached the trailer and saw you sitting on the ground with Dustin and Eddie kneeling on either side of you, he immediately thought the worst.

Bile climbed up his throat, stemming from the harsh claws that started to dig into his heart. He felt like he was about to pass out when he caught sight of the blood that seeped through your shirt, covering your torso with dark crimson. It wasn't the most pleasant sight, especially when it matched the red, thundering skies.

"Y/N!"

The relief Steve felt when your eyes snapped up to meet his was immeasurable.

"Hey," he whispered, dropping to his knees beside you as he took your face in his hands.

The ache in his chest eased up a little when you leaned into his touch, wearing that saccharine sweet smile that never failed to make his day brighter.

"I'm okay," you hummed, covering his hands with yours, squeezing lightly. "We're okay."

"What happened?" Steve asked.

Eddie cleared his throat, his guilt noticeable as he hung his head low. "They filled the trailer and guarded the gate. We had to get out before they could trap us inside but—"

"There were too many of them," Dustin finished with a sniffle, eyes a little teary but Steve didn't miss the silent apology.

"You did what you had to do." Steve nodded at them both with a small smile, patting their shoulders in reassurance.

"Let me see." He turned back to you, frowning as he carefully lifted your shirt to assess your wounds.

Steve grimaced at the state of your stomach, torn up flesh, your blood covering your once untainted skin. He hovered his fingers over it gently, frown deepening, heart aching at the cause of your pain, his own wounds tingling as if it sympathized with yours.

"We're matching," you joked.

Steve shot you a scolding look.

He knew you were only trying to ease up his worry, to make light of the situation. But for him, the joke simply didn't land. To be honest, no joke ever would when your safety was a concern.

"I'm fine, Steve," you sighed, flashing him a reassuring smile. "I just needed to catch my breath."

He wasn't having it, though. "Can you sit up for me?"

You let out another sigh but did so, anyway. Steve hastily took his jacket off to wrap it around your torso as a makeshift bandage, whispering apologies every time you winced. After checking the tightness of it twice, he grabbed your arms and wrapped them around his shoulders.

"Up on three?"

You nodded.

"One, two, three."

You hissed as you got your feet under you, a slight wobble in your movement that did absolutely nothing to ease out his worries.

"Come here, I got you," he murmured, wrapping a gentle arm on your back for support. Steve hastily cupped your cheek with his other hand when your head lolled back, your eyes screwed shut with your brows furrowed. It took a moment for you to open them again, another second until your gaze focused. He caressed your skin with his thumb. "Good?"

You hummed, "I think I can still walk on my own."

"Right," he said, nodding slowly. "Let's assume you actually can, what made you think I'll let you do that after what's happened?"

You rolled your eyes, a teasing scoff, but then a sweet smile.

But when your hand found his cheek, he stilled, brows furrowed as he held your gaze.

There was something in your irises, a knowing glint, and perhaps even a tightness on the curve of your lips. A beat of silence, a shadow crossed your face. But Steve didn't get the chance to figure it out when you pulled him in for a kiss.

Steve's whole body melted with a sigh, his free hand resting on the back of your head to pull you a little closer.

The kiss was languid yet sweet, nothing too rushed, but God did it make him feel better. It was like a momentary breath of fresh air after the toxicity in the atmosphere only this dimension can bring.

But then Steve caught your shaky sigh, a faint, barely there sniffle as you pressed onto him a little bit more. Your grip on his shoulder tightened, free hand moving from his cheek to the nape of his neck, fingers carding through his hair.

It made his heart thump a little faster, both in a good way, but—surprisingly, worriedly—in a bad way, too.

Steve pulled away, the crease on his forehead deepening at the sight of your glossy eyes.

"Where does it hurt?" he asked, cupping your cheek. "Is the bandage too tight? Did you pull your wound? Do you feel a little dizzy—"

You smiled.

"You're such a mom."

Steve stared at you.

And then, it was his turn to roll his eyes.

"You meant protective and caring boyfriend," he corrected.

You giggled, a rush of warmth coating Steve's body at the sweet, tender sound, one he needed to hear so badly. If he could put it on tape and play it on repeat, he would. But no high-definition speakers would be able to do the sound justice.

"Come on then, sassy pants," he chuckled, pecking your lips before guiding you towards the trailer—well, what's left of it, anyway. "Let's get you out of here."

•••

"The gate got bigger," Robin said, grimacing at the curling vines that covered the glowing, red hole on the wall of the trailer.

"I think we can just walk through," Nancy hummed, picking up the homemade spear, slime bursting everywhere as she stabbed it, just enough to pry it open.

Nobody really found the new fact an advantage. Everything was far too bleak that even the smallest of victories didn't feel right to be appreciated.

Dustin was ushered out first, swiftly followed by Robin who helped Nancy out.

"Go first. Help grab her from the other side." Steve nodded at Eddie before turning to you, sighing, "Quit pouting. Just let us help you."

"Wasn't pouting," you muttered, somewhat out of breath as you took Eddie's outstretched hands that protruded out the wall.

"Careful." He pressed his hands against your back, gently pushing you forward until you were able to break through the other side. "There you go."

He heard you suddenly yelp.

"You okay?!"

"Yeah! Got caught on a vine."

Steve hurriedly followed you out not long after.

The sun was already starting to set when he got back to Hawkins, an orangey glow covering the horizon. And if it weren't for the current situation, he would've stopped and admired the beauty of it.

"Here, back to your lover boy," Eddie chuckled, gently guiding you back into Steve's arms. "I'll go start the Winnebago."

Your grip on his shoulders was tight as you all but wobbled to him. Steve immediately secured an arm around you, planting a warm kiss on your forehead before helping you walk back to where the rest of the gang was huddled.

Steve couldn't wait to go home once you've gotten the treatment needed for your wounds. He was looking forward to having a long, nice, hot shower with you, to cover you in his clothes and tuck you under the warm blankets with him. He always longed for your cuddles after such a long, long, day, to hold you in his arms, start singing and—

"Steve?"

The blood on Steve's face drained when he saw you cough out yours.

He hurriedly dropped to his knees to catch your frail body, movements riddled with panic as he shifted on the ground. He was sitting at an awkward angle but his comfort was the last of his worries. Not when you continued to choke on blood. He gently pulled you upright, your torso now carefully settled on his lap.

Supporting an arm behind your head, Steve checked your wounds with the other.

His heart stopped, beating again but twice the pace at the sight of your blood on his hands.

The jacket tied around your wound was completely soaked through, the knot slackened so slightly yet dangerously as if something had purposely pulled it loose.

Got caught on a vine.

"Somebody call an ambulance!"

He only caught a glimpse of Robin running towards one of the nearby houses in the trailer park before he turned his attention back to you.

"Angel, I'm going to try and carry you, okay?"

"H-Hurts," you whimpered, shaking your head in protest when he tried to move you even slightly.

"I know, I know," he murmured, brushing away the speckles of dirt that littered your crown, chest tightening when he only managed to infect your skin from the crimson red that coated his fingers. "But I need to get you back to the car so we can take you to the hospital."

"No t-time," you breathed out.

Steve bit his lip and shook his head frantically. "We've got plenty of time."

"Need to—" You cut yourself off with an agonized cough, a sound that brought Steve so much pain he'd sacrifice anything to never hear it again.

"Ssh, it's o-okay, c'mere," he said, tender yet broken, taking the edge of his shirt as he tried to wipe away the blood that trickled down your lips. "You're okay."

You faintly nodded. "N-Need tell you, b-before—"

"Don't say anything," he reprimanded. "You need to save your energy. You're going to be okay."

"N-No, listen—" You shook your head, your trembling hand reaching up to cup his cheek. "I want you to p-promise me some t-things."

God, you were so stubborn. Not that Steve ever had any strength to say no to you, either. So as he covered your hand with his own and pressed it harder against his skin, he nodded.

"Anything, my love."

"This–not your f-fault, promise me you'll r-remember that," you struggled, but the determination was there, powerful and commanding in his hopes that your words would stick to him. But he could only press your palm over his lips and stayed quiet. You weren't taking that as an answer. "Steve."

"Okay, okay, I—" He shook his head, swallowing back a sob. "I promise."

"A-And I want you t-to be happy, okay?"

"I will be happy with you," he said through gritted teeth. "Because you're going to be fine."

"Promise me y-you will find a way to be h-happy," you whispered, tears welling up in your own eyes but a ghost of a smile touched your lips. "Even if–not with m-me."

You might as well have ripped his heart out his chest, stabbed it with a knife, thrown it on the ground, stepped on it and burned it to a crisp, the pain would've been much, much less.

Steve couldn't breathe, even just from letting the thought fleetingly cross his mind. You were it for him. It was you, or no one. His future was darker than the unknown abyss if you weren't going to be in it.

But despite the word tasting so bitter and vile against his tongue, despite him being unsure as to how on earth he would even manage to do it, if he would be able to fulfill his vow at all, for the sake of easing out even a fraction of your worry and pain, Steve nodded.

"I promise."

"I love you," you breathed. "S-So much."

He whimpered, biting his lip as he tried to hold himself together, trying to stay strong for both of you.

"I love you." Steve turned his head to kiss your palm but not once did he take his eyes off of yours. "So, so, so much more."

"I-Impossible," you teased, that sweet smile appearing on your lips. They didn't reach your eyes, not because it wasn't a true smile, but because—

Steve shook his head and swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Stop arguing with me," he chuckled, the sadness curling around his voice as he blinked back his unshed tears just so he could see you clearly. "Just stay with me, okay?"

You nodded with a hum, a sharp intake of breath before your eyelids fluttered.

"H-Hey, no, keep those eyes open, come on, pretty girl," he begged, cupping your cheek, touch frantic, soft, desperate. Once he saw your gaze focus on him again, he quickly turned to his friends. "Guys! Please!"

"S-Steve."

"I'm here, I'm here," he whispered as he hastily turned to you, pressing his forehead against yours. "I'm right here, you're okay."

"Can you—" You coughed, the sound clawing at his heart, sharp nails digging deeper when you asked, "Sing for m-me?"

"No," he sobbed, shaking his head frantically.

He knew why you were asking.

Comfort in midst of the unease.

He knew that once he did as much as start the first note, it would start to calm you, it would lull you into a comforting space where you'd slowly let yourself go.

But he wasn't as strong as you. Fuck no, not even close because he couldn't. He couldn't let you slip through his fingers.

Steve couldn't let you go.

Yet being the stubborn woman that you are, you'd managed to give him a tender, and oh so lovely pout, the very one he could never, ever say no to.

"Why n-not?"

"How about this," he started, taking a deep, shaky breath as he offered you a small smile. "I will sing to you as many times as you want once we get you to the hospital a-and then, many more times after that."

Your fingers reached up to push his hair away, slowly trailing down the side of his face before you pressed them over his lips.

"Wanna hear y-your voice, Stevie."

He choked back a sob, gently curling his hand around your wrist, kissing each of your fingers before he placed them back on his cheek. "I'm going to keep talking, don't worry."

"P-Please?" you whispered, wiping away his tears with your thumb. He didn't even realize that they were already streaming down his face, too caught up in the silent way your eyes spoke to him, telling him that everything was going to be okay.

Steve wasn't cruel and selfish enough to not give you what you want.

"Y-You are my sunshine," he started shakily, clearing his throat. Your sweet smile urged him to keep going. "My only sunshine."

"You make me happy, when skies are gray."

"You'll never know, dear, how much I-I," Steve choked, pressing his forehead against yours, never once breaking away from your gaze as he breathed, "I love you."

Your smile grew a little brighter, a concoction of pure beauty and grace as your features glowed golden, the last beams of light caressing your skin. Steve watched your eyes shine, glimmering under the sunset as you tilted your head up, lovingly brushing your nose with his, your warm breath ghosting over his lips as he whispered,

"Please don't take my sunshine away."

Then, everything was still, peaceful.

The trees rustled farther into the distance, the chirping of birds grew quieter, the wind had gone colder as the last rays of the sun slowly sunk and disappeared into the horizon.

"Y/N?" he called gently, eyes blinking rapidly, desperately waiting for yours to open, to give him anything. "S-Stop, this isn't f-funny."

Steve's heart dropped as your fingers slipped from his face.

"No, no, no," he choked, hastily grasping your hand as he pressed it back on his cheek. "H-Hey, stay with me, come on."

He shook his head frantically when he still didn't get a response from you. He looked at his friends, standing by the sidelines, gloom hovering over them as the dark clouds now started to cover the skies.

"Robin," Steve begged.

For what? He didn't know.

But Robin only shook her head with a silent sob, tears streaming down her face. Steve tried Nancy then, she'll know what to do, she always knew what to do. But even she was rendered speechless, staring with unshed tears, lips pressed tightly together to stop them from trembling. Then Steve saw Dustin bury his face into Eddie's shirt, the young kid's body shaking as he cried, the metalhead doing his best to comfort him as he too tried to keep his tears at bay.

It was then.

"N-No please," he sobbed, cupping your face, gently shaking your body. "Wake up, c-come on, my love, you need to wake up."

Nothing.

"Don't do this to me. You can't leave me. It was supposed to be me and you till the end, r-remember?" he continued, hoping his voice will bring you back to him again, just like the last time. "I can't do this without you, p-please, come back."

Steve never knew that silence could be this fucking deafening.

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." He cradled your head as he pulled you closer into his chest, rocking you back and forth like he always did when you turned to him for comfort, hoping it would do the same for him.

But it didn't.

Steve balled his fists, the gaping hole in his chest where his heart once was growing unforgiving as his body trembled. He placed one last kiss on your forehead, his tears landing on your cold skin as he screwed his eyes shut. And with a deep, intake of breath,

Steve screamed.

In agony, in pain, in grief, in anger.

Anger at the world, anger at the universe, anger at everything.

Because they did it.

They took his sunshine away.

✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ♛ *.

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muzanswaifu · 6 months

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Ive seen a lot of people confuse me leaving for “people being mean to writers” or getting hate for the things i write of how i write them but its not

But Im not leaving just bc of the audience, i can handle some hate and honestly it was kinda fun from them bc ik that hate comes from jealousy and trolling

Im leaving because of other writers and my “friends”

Ik i said i would get into it and i really dont want to all that much bcuz im tired and just wanna be done with this but it feels wrong to leave under a false assumption and let people think their actions dont have consequences

Ive dealt with a lot from my peers on here, back talking, hating, straight up bullying, and i just cant anymore

I cant deal with drama irl AND on the internet, bcuz at the end of the day i can just delete everything on here and be done with it all so thats wat im gonna do

Tbh this has been building up for a while, i can only handle so much from “friends” and irl i cut people off pretty quick and on here should be no exception but ive fucked up and let people do watever too long and its bitten me in the ass

Yes ik im dramatic lol, ive gotten that a lot and a lot of people hate me for, a lot of people love me for it, its how i am and it keeps things interesting. I get it, i like to make a lot of call out posts. Y? Bc people deserve to be called out and idgaf ab appearances on here. If someone did something bad, im gonna call them out bc last i checked its my blog and i can do wat i want. If u wouldnt do it, thats fine, its ur decision, and this is mine

Yes, i dont post a lot, I. Am. Busy. I have work. I have school. I have a social life. I cant write smut all the time even tho i want to, and at the end of the day, its not my job to write smut all day so people can read it and move on. I like to interact with yall, its fun, i like to talk to a lot of different people on her since my irl friends arent really into anime. Apparently people think im a loser for that? Ok? Sorry i like to talk to people on the internet when im bored instead of producing smut all day for people to read, ig i shouldve remembered im only on here to provide content since i dont deserve to have some fun, my mistake

Requests? Requests r a generosity. So many of my requesters have been absolute angels with being patient in receiving their requests, happy to just see me writing or interacting at all. Others have hounded me regularly telling me im lazy and selfish for not completing my requests, saying im an asshole for not completing them over my own projects bc “they asked first”. LMAO, U WRITE IT THEN???? i dont owe anything to anyone, certainly not someone who comes here solely to read my fics, not even leaving any interaction or encouragement whatsoever, then leave.

The icing on the cake? The tip of the iceburg? Discord of all places. Im sorry some of u didnt enjoy my server, i really am. Ive never used discord before and me and the mods did the best we could and im sorry i couldnt be as attentive to it due to my busy schedule

Im sorry i couldnt get there in time to stop conflicts or just straight up call people out, and im sorry someone had to make another server since they didnt like how i was handling mine bc i didnt take their side in a fight that THEY WERE WRONG IN? But i tried to be nice, tried to defend her and nicely explain y she was she cant say anything they want in any situation bc people get hurt. but it didnt matter. Y? Bc apparently i cant tell people what they can and cant say…

And that made me realize something! Theyre right! Theyre absolutely right and im so stupid for not seeing it until now! I cant stop people from saying things to me. I cant stop people from talking shit ab me. I cant stop people from even saying things on my own blog and server! I just cant. Bcuz in the end, people r gonna say what they want and do what they want bc people dont wanna learn. They dont wanna talk. They dont wanna hear ab how what they do or say affects others. They just wanna do what the want when the want, and they wanna be allowed to, bc fuck everybody else. Everybody is the victim in their own story, and i deserve to be the victim in mine.

And what would a victim do in this situation?

Leave.

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outofthiisworld · 2 days

Text

GET TO KNOW YOUR ADMIN !!

name: Boo! pronouns: She/They (no preference, i like both :3) preferred comms: tumblr ims mostly! if we mesh well+spoken ooc a lot we can chat on discord too :) i uuh do tend to forget to check my discord messages outside of my webhooks however names of muse: Ophelia, Doc, Copycat and Father Necrosis rn! A few ✨secret-menu✨ muses/npc��s as well

experience in RP: been rp’ing since i was 13 so bout 14 yrs exp rn! (i say 10+ in my rules tho cause that’s one less number i have to change each birthday)— most of my experiences have been w/ a close knit group of buds that soon turned into 1+1 rp’ing with a bestie im still VERY close with :3c

i dabbled in online rp’ing around eeeeeehhh 2015ish but i certainly wasnt putting myself out there like i am now sdfsdfg

best experiences: the entirety of this blog tbh. a few bumps in the road and learning curves to get back into the groove of things, but ultimately i feel like a carved out a really excellent and chill lil’ corner on this site :”) special shoutouts to some really INCREDIBLE partners and buds that make rp’ing on here beyond delightful:

@pzfr is a phenomenal writer, a beyond thoughtful rp partner and perhaps a bit too powerful of a creative— personally if some horrific yet comedic demise should befall me then i trust full custody of doc & ophelia to him 100% HE GETS IT (don’t u worry i’ll live forever tho). For real though, there's such genuine love in the way he works with the genres that inspire him as well as with writing as a whole! @5mind GAAAARLIIIIIIIC. we continuously cook up dubious foods in the dms; our plots are forebodingly diabolical (affectionate) and [covering garlic's ears] i still plan to consume their brain for power. he’s got THE most creative and inspired never before seen characters on this side of the universe that i adore so so so much and tbh if you aren’t following her like…….bro be fr with me rn like why @riiese Mark’s writing legitimately inspires me. They are THE voice master dude. The way they weave words together feels right out of a fairytale with this whimsical magic to it that gets me lost in the moment!!! i can’t help but get swept up in their beautiful prose!!! @dynamoprotocol BRO lowkey i remember being shocked when I saw he followed me. From the writing, the care to detail, the art, Clarissa/Chance’s development, the worldbuilding, AND he’s CHILL AS FUCK??? and you wanna follow ME dude??? for real though, i cant sing enough high praises!! @natterghast i stumbled upon her by chance and sooooooo happy i did <33 their ocs absolutely captivated me, each one has this cozy cosmic horror vibe that im? obsessed with?? AND THE WAY SHE WRITES IS SO GORGEOUS AND FULL OF MEANING AND CARE THEY PUT IN AND [wrattling the bars in my enclosure]

there are so many more i can shout out but i will have to cap it here since this post has gotten ... so long and i am now so sleepy. Genuinely though, everyone I follow and get to see pop up on my dash both makes me day and inspires me as a creative each and every time!!!

pet peeves/dealbreakers: the biggest ones for me rn are like … needlessly aggressive ooc attitudes, be it towards anons, in rules, in posts— esp if someone is flaunting about being mean i uh. have fun i guess? not for me.

Condescending rules, especially those geared towards oc’s, might even result in an insta-block from me. (i promise it’s okay to just say ur selective overall and leave it at that).

muse preference ( fluff, angst, smut ): I generally like to lean more into light-hearted & comedic stuff, esp when first interacting but cus it’s fun! Once I get comfy with my rp buds tho i do loooooove to get into the meat n potatoes— the drama, the action, THE DRAMA!!! <- but a nice balance is important to me!

if everything is doom n’ gloom all the time without either a break, some sort of bitter-sweetness, and/or light at the end of the tunnel— then The Dread™ starts to feel too much for me :0 that being said … horror is … so much fun too <3

plot or memes: memes are a life savior esp when it comes to breaking the ice— i wouldn’t be cookin’ up like. any of the delectable plots i got brewing in the dms without em >:0

long or short replies: BOTH! i tend to naturally lean towards longer replies, moreso because i always have A Lot To Say™️ but i love goofing around with shorter stuff <3

best time to write: if i had my way it’d be an hour or two after i wake up in the morning and made myself my fancy energy drink + did my n.eopets dailies 💕 i try to make sure i get one day off like this each weekend it’s so lovely. Otherwise, i try not to stress about it too much and do what i can. i want my rp buds to know i genuinely dont mind waiting for replies or anything and i think it starts with how you hold yourself to that same degree too

are you like your muse?: ooooo aren’t we all in some way? it’s important to sprinkle some part or facet of YOU into them, especially ocs!

i will say, Doc is far closer alike to me versus anyone else on this blog, esp when it comes to values! he’s just far more gung-ho that i could ever have the energy to be tho. also i hope im not as stubborn as him 💀

i did give Ophelia my weird girl tendencies tho but cranked that shit up into MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE!!!

tagged by: @pzfr

tagging: i uh. i think most of my mutuals already got tagged this SO if you see this and you havent........PLEASE do this and tag me weeheehee <3

#👽 … ooc #👾 … dash game #//under a readmore cause as usual i had SOOOOO much to say #//this was a lot of fun tho!!!

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neurosharky · 13 days

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How ASPD Spaces may influence minors with CD

This post will only contain my personal opinion and experience. It does not reflect or represent the opinion of every single person with ASPD, but may likewise be relatable for people who do not have it!

Please keep in mind that this is merely an education piece and seeks to highlight certain experiences & things one should maybe pay attention to. It is not a manual to act after, nor does it have the intention to exclude minors with CD from ASPD spaces!

Abbreviations:

ASPD = Antisocial Personality Disorder

CD = Conduct Disorder

ASPD spaces exist on most social media platforms in some sort of way. This may include textposts on tumblr, pictures and reels on instagram, short videos on tiktok, servers on discord and other things.

In a lot of these spaces you will find adults educating about their condition, sharing their daily life, connecting with each other, or advocating against the stigma.

What you will also find in these spaces usually, are minors with conduct disorder. Which makes sense, since the presence of conduct disorder typa behaviour prior to the age of 15, is a diagnostic requirement for ASPD! About 20-40% (different sources have different numbers) of people with CD later go on and develop ASPD and often those people have already been recognized with "callous-unemotional traits" or "a lack of prosocial emotions" and the like.

These minors with CD may turn towards the ASPD spaces for multiple reasons:

• The similarity in experience creating a sense of community & feeling less alone

• Some advice, ressources and the like are applicable to both CD and ASPD

• Wanting advice on how to proceed towards an ASPD diagnosis once they're old enough/whether they should do that in the first place

• Believing that this is inevitably going to be their reality & community, thus wanting to be there as early as possible

• etc.

The fact that minors with CD frequent ASPD spaces is not inherently a problem, nor do I think that they should stop doing that entirely! I do have a few concerns though, as I technically speaking was a minor with CD in ASPD spaces once and would like to point some things out, that I think are important to look out for:

1. Not every ASPDer that posts their experience, is recovery oriented and should be used as a "role model". There are a lot of people in this community that are strictly anti recovery and will promote harmful narratives and behaviours. While everyone obviously (mostly) gets to post whatever they want, since the internet is a pretty free place, especially minors with CD (tho this also goes for adults with ASPD and everyone else tbh) should make sure to be careful with their content consumption! The "wrong" role models can be really harmful for your own journey, as they may promote harmful behaviour and thus may intensify your symptoms!

2. On that same note, spending a lot of time around a specific group of people, may cause you to subconciously mirror their behaviour. This means that you may (knowingly or not) try to be more like said people/group, may suppress your actual self & variation of traits and try to conform to what you see, so you can be a part of it. Its an entirely normal human mechanism, but can be quite detrimental to your mental health if you're not careful. As a minor with CD in ASPD spaces, this means that you gotta be careful that you do not get roped into behaviours or movements, that would be detrimental. Spotting this isn't always easy, so caution is important!

3. The presence of the "CD prior to the age of 15" criteria point also leads to some people believing that everyone with conduct disorder inherently develops ASPD, which is not true! Some people go on and develop other PDs, some simply stay with conduct disorder and again others recover from their CD without developing anything else, which is probably the ideal case. Early intervention, intervention in teenage years and the like can prevent you from ever developing ASPD! And this may be a controversial opinion, but: that will only work if you haven't gotten attached to the idea of having ASPD yet. Intervention only works if you want it to and if you are deadset on believing you'll have ASPD anyways, the intervention may fail and you may indeed end up developing it. You have to be careful that being in these spaces early, does not cause you to give up your chances.

To sum it up: ASPD spaces can negatively influence minors with CD. Being in these spaces early and especially being around the "wrong" voices early can compromise your recovery and can be a reason you end up going into this direction with your behaviour. The teenage years are an important developmental stage and having the "right" voices teach you emotional skills & social behaviour can be the thing that prevents you from ever having to suffer with a PD.

So please keep that in mind! Be careful which ASPDers you look up to, be careful what behaviour you promote, be careful what you think is going to be your "inevitable future". These spaces hold power and they especially hold power over those who may not have anywhere else to really turn to & feel understood by.

And just to clarify it again:

• I am not saying that you can't be in those spaces if you're a minor with CD and I am not saying that its always harmful! I am just saying that the people you surround yourself with, the content you consume and the things you get exposed to, can have an influence on the way you develop & your recovery.

• I am also not saying that ASPDers who aren't recovery oriented have no right to exist in these spaces! What you post and where you are is your own decision, I can't & don't want to dictate that. I simply think that especially minors with CD need to be aware of what they consume and what effects that may have on them.

• Recovery in this case is btw. defined as "working on managing symptoms/traits" and "harm reduction". I am not referring to a total absence of symptoms/traits, or a cure or whatever. So anti recovery refers to people who promote harm and have no interest in minimizing the damage they do & sometimes also the ones who use it as an excuse instead of an explanation.

All that being said, there are of course also a few positive influences ASPD spaces can have on minors with CD:

• giving them a sense of hope that even if they end up developing it, there are ways to deal with it

• having helpful posts and advice for the things that both conditions equally struggle with

• teaching skills that end up helping the kids/teens with CD to not develop ASPD

• helping them find a safe way to access help & a diagnosis

• showing them that they have a chance to grow older & potentially be happier

• getting trough to them about which behaviours are harmful and could use some work

• educating them about the stigma so they are prepared for what is maybe going to come & learn how to deal with the stigma they are already exposed to

• calling out myths, misinformation and inaccurate generalizations

• etc.

first posted on my instagram account (same @)

#actually aspd #aspd #mental health #mental health education #antisocial personality disorder #aspd awareness #antisocial #aspd feels #aspd thoughts #aspd things #aspd tag #aspd safe #aspd stigma #conduct disorder #aspd spaces #mental heath awareness #mental heath support

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catneedssleep · 4 months

Text

Intro thing??? I dunno

hey there! I've never posted anything but I feel like I should lol.

This is just gonna be my intro, dni/interact list and idk other stuff :3c

I am not very good at spelling/grammar due to all that's going on in my brain /silly

Hey there! I'm Cat/Tiger. I go by any pronouns, but due to me being genderfluid they can fluctuate so it just depends sometimes.

Ive stated already that I'm genderfluid but I am also Omnisexual (I think) , DemiAroAce & T4T. I also have over 900 xenogenders haha

AuDHD, Dyslexia, GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder), Depression, BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) & Hypersexual. It's so much lmao /silly

I also have chronic pain & hallucinations soo um who knows at this point /lh

I am infact a furry, otherkin & a therian :3 (I'm so cool I know right) I'll list my kintypes in another post if I have enough spoons later on

As I said before I have/am AuDHD. My special interest(s) would be Candy Dealer (from Spooky Month) and just Spooky Month in general. I have alot of other hyperfixs in the back of my little brain hoard tho so eheh :3c

I am in a relationship. And I do not want/need any more than one partner. (No hate to anyone else though! Y'all are super cool:D/vvpos)

I am a age and pet regressor. I may talk with typing quirks if I am regressed. (Whenever i am little I may use 'z' instead of 's' and 'w' instead of 'r' . I haven't pet regressed in a while and my memory isn't good so i don't remember how i type.) I tend to force myself out of regression however because more than half the time I am in unsafe environments.

DNI & INTERACT LIST! christmas colors hoohaa,,

DO NOT INTERACT. :

Bigots

Ablists

Homophobia & Transphobia

Endo systems. (I may be a singlet but I do not support yall in the slightest.)

Pro/Com shippers or whatever. Yall suck.

Overly NSFW

Anti-Agre/Pere

Anti-Fur/"Furry Hunters"

"Witch Hunters y'all this isn't the 1700s or whatever go touch grass

Ect ect, just people who suck.

Interact please!!!:Oc /nf :

Fellow otherkins/therians ehhe

Spooky Month Fans!! I love yall /p

Vita Carnis, Monument Mythos, Gemini Home Entertainment, Happy Meat Farms/MUSE ARG fans!!:3c

Witches (Haiii witch in training(ish) here :3c)

Systems are welcome here! I love learning about yall, and if that sounds weird I'm sorry :,)

Space lovers yyyessss

Ect! Good people ^_^

What will I be doing on here?

Mostly just reblogging, talking about Cats Alleyway lore [thing that I created, but I create so much stuff I seriously have over 1000 ocs /srs], talking to people that sort of stuff.

If you want you can join my discord! I won't post it publicly here due to ummm uncomfortableness but if you want you can probably find it on disboard or just dm me ! (I will take time to reply to dms because I'm scared sometimes sbagawhwh)

no more people joining my server for now B[

That is all! Buh Bai <|:3c

#ermmmm I don't really know what to tag this as #intro post #yayyy #monument mythos #gemini home entertainment #candy dealer #spooky month #vita carnis #:3

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krash-and-co · 5 months

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Hey, Krash! So sorry you were upset by the conversation in discord. I know for myself (and I think for others) I genuinely wanted to know what would need to be done differently. And maybe we all don’t know yet! And that’s ok for now. I love the way engage with the fandom, and I hope you feel appreciated in various spaces today.

hey !! sorry I've been busy so I didn't get to answering this !! also saw your other ask about this being a dm, that's ok I'll answer this ask and you can still dm if you want. :]

I don't know what can be done, but I do want to mention I wasn't trying to ask anyone in particular to do something, that server was just one group of people that had the most fans working on saving the show and people with bigger 'official' accounts, if you know what I mean. so I thought that would be a good place to share my thoughts.

I was. uh. wrong. there were more of you than I thought. I did not exit unscathed.

but anyways lol yeah this isn't something one person can, should, and will have to change. i don't think it's a server mod problem. also I learned I kinda came in at a bad time, I apologize for that.... whoops lol

anyways, the main problem I was having with everything was how fake it all seemed from the outside, just something to drum up interest, no real love in the piece itself. and if you WERENT doing that all the time, you didn't care about the show. it felt shoved in your face. i missed when we made things out of love, not just putting anything out there to get a tag to trend. i missed when we were creating because we wanted to make something to show we LOVED lockwood and co, not because we wanted to bring attention to Lockwood and co and that's a way to do it. this has caused a noticable amount of people to leave, which was the final straw and why I sent that message today. people I hadn't spoken to in a while appeared saying they left due to how it all felt so forced and fake, and that upset me. but I have thought this for a while even before this. there has to be a balance where we can work on saving the show and actually enjoying what we do have. an overwhelming amount of posts is about saving the show, not the show or books themselves. and I know not everyone is doing this, just by the way. I was hoping this could be achieved by toning down the constant reminders to post (not just official accounts mind you!!! this post is not targeting y'all !!! I promise) , or *looks at the camera* giving the people what they want already, but I don't even know anymore. I wasn't expecting the reaction I got, I genuinely thought it was a simple request to dial it down a bit and I'm sorry I caused an uproar 😭😭

full disclaimer tho, it is 1 am and I have no idea what I just said ! maybe I am hallucinating this paragraph of text. maybe irs not one paragraph actually. I don't think it is. who knows. I amgoing to sleep now 👍 ty for ask jrjfjdb sorry there was no usual krash air of whimsy thru this, my whimsy kinda got punched in the face a few times and it went in its room to feel better 😔

#ik I said all this already but it was misunderstood and I'm trying real hard to say it but idk how I can be more clear #/nm #lockwood and co #I am afraid to sleep after posting this #who will kill me next? fun game !!! u never know #not my moots I trust y'all #also I don't count this ask as you attacking me btw !!!#ugh I can't words. sleep

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cerealmonster15 · 1 year

Photo

okay. OKAY. ok. um. exposing my lore. also SORRY i rarely use color these days bc ive never had a good grasp on it so it’s just. very rough ideas here. a concept if u will.

anyway lore under the cut bc it’s long and all over the place and i do not expect anyone to have the patience LOL but it will be here. for ME. 😌

FOR THE RECORD before there was really an english twst fandom anywhere, i just had my friend in discord as we dove into translations off of youtube early on. these characters kinda were born from discord ramblings and goofy inside joke doodling BUT now im going. to share or whatever. i mentioned these two here but ill probs cover all that again here as i will try to be thorough!!!

anyway i have to give backstory in like 2 sections first. these guys [if u dont care then skip to the bullets for the actual character lore/story summaries], their main purpose for existence is CATERELLA soap opera drama. WHAT is caterella you might ask??? some people in the fanbase either headcanon or theorize or au-ify cater as being in a cinderella storyline bc he’s got the 2 pushy older sisters and kind of a more solemn side he hides while trying to be all upbeat around others yadda yadda. i thought that was FUN. i have. so many different branches of caterella aus/concepts involving other potential cater ships lol, but this is the only oc route. i have a really big web of all those potential ideas but it’s VERY erratic and would be a monster of a thing to show anyone. also it’s embarrassing LOL so it stays in discord. for now.

ANYWAY. first we have CHAR (left). He’s very loosely based off prince charming from cinderella. a friendly guy, in line for the throne or whatever, and I think a third year at RSA. He’s long lost childhood friends with CATER from when they were like, five years old or something, but lost contact when cater had to move away because of his dad’s work.

Canonically, Cater has said he’s had to move around every two years or so because of his dad’s job (i think he’s a banker or something? i dont remember exactly tho). Because of this, cater’s mentioned a lot that he’s not really had childhood friends that he grew up with, like how trey, riddle, and chenya have each other.

a while ago on twitter (or pixiv? idr) when i was scrounging for fanart, I came across fanart of cater and some RSA guy smiling and waving to him, and cater looked kinda like, surprised and startled?

now this was like a Year Ago and I can’t remember how much of it was in the image vs how much came from my inference vs how much i came up with later on my own - according to my discord rambles, adeuce were in that pic in the background going :0, and it looked like they were in town shopping or something and had run into this guy. i feel like i either got the impression from the post that cater knew the guy and he was recognizing and happy to see cater, and cater was either like “uhh who r u” or “oh, uh, nice to see you too what a surprise??” and i was like oooo maybe hes a childhood friend. idr if the post or his design specified he was prince charming or if i did that myself to fit caterella better. i do not remember what the guy looked like in the post lol.

ANYWAY from there i pretty much took off running with the concept of cater having a childhood friend that had a crush on him and then was all sad when he moved away, only to run into him year’s later on sage’s island when he was in town shopping and cater was out with ace and deuce.

here r some forbidden doodles from forever ago lol

ACE JUMPSCARE!!! anyway. not important. we’ll come back to this later!!

oh also his name LOL. since he was from prince charming i was looking up names that mean charming lol, and then i found this

and i thought yknow what. if snow white is allowed to be given a name like neigie leblanche, or VIL for the EVIL QUEEN, i should be allowed prince char for prince charming klfjdsf

OKAY moving on FOR NOW to. lol. Dañarte. like i mentioned in the other post, that very much Is Not A Name and was kind of just a joke at first bc of my typo getting autocorrected.

sorry it’s BLURRY anyway he spawned into existance a few months later when i was trying to say fanart and autocorrect said Dañarte. which is just spanish for harm you. this was maybe while i was tyring to think of a name for char, my friend said it sounded like a fancy prince name, i looked up the meaning, my friend was like oh god it’s a threat, i remembered hans from frozen existed, and then that catrella line grew more branches. he eventually ended up in the role of char’s cousin and a second year[we’ll come back to that]. since hans had that whole thing of i think he was like one of 7 brothers or something he was all huffy about not having a place to rule of his own or whatever?? i was like hmm maybe he’s all jealous that his cousin’s in line for whatever throne they’re a royal family for 🤔 which flkjdslf yeah kinda ended up sounding like leona LOL dont worry about it that’s not the POINT the point is SOAP OPERA ROMANCE DRAMA!!!!

anyway. god this is already so much and i’ve barely gotten into it LOL UM... according to discord here’s a rundown of what my initial thoughts with char were:

rsa and nrc are having a mixer party thingy [hosted at RSA] and cater’s talking about how GRAMMABLE it’ll be and that he wants to find a fun outfit

he jokes(?) “oh maybe i’ll finally find my prince charming there lol~ since no one here appreciates caycay’s charm 😔”

riddle’s like 😒yea yea cater please pull your head out of the clouds and take the first years to town so you guys can do the shopping for the next unbirthday party

big brother caycay takes adeuce and probably other npcs off to do the shopping list stuff

MEANWHILE!!! at RSA, Char is hanging out with BESTIE CHENYA and talking about the mixer with nrc. chenya mentions he’s got some friends at NRC and pulls up magicam to show char some IMAGES- specifically he goes to CATER’S magicam bc riddle didnt really use magicam except that one time he made an acct to help cater study [ft in riddle’s dorm uniform story ❤] and idk trey probs doesnt post much besides maybe baking pics, dont worry about it, the important thing is that he pulls up a selfie caycay took with the heartslabyul family

[chenya voice] those are my childhood besties, trey and riddle, those are their funny little sons ace and deuce, and that one in the middle is cater, he’s fun too-

[char voice] !!! the one with orange hair you said is cater? not cater diamond, is it????

chenya goes back to the main profile page and is like ya it says his last name’s diamond

char’s all 😳 and tells chenya he knows cater, because the two of them were childhood friends!! and wonders if he’ll see cater at the mixer....

chenya goes “oooo or we could go see him right now nyahahaha” bc BOOM cater JUST posted a selfie 15 seconds ago with his adeuce sons out shopping in town!!!!

they zoom to town, chenya jumpscares his pals bc it’s the law 😌 and then char comes up to cater and is like “it’s been so long cater!!! do you remember me??” and caters like 🤔 who’s this pretty boy talking to me 🤔

said pretty boy’s like “I’m char!!! we used to play together all the time when we were little!!! but then you had to move away 🥺“ and cater’s like “....hmmm.... i do that a lot- OH!!!!! I remember now!!! wow, let’s take a reunion selfie 🤗” and they do, it’s cute.

char’s like “haha glad you remember! we were each other’s first kiss after all 😌” and caters like UM 😳 and adeuce are watching like 😯😯 and chenyas 👀

and it’s just something goofy, char’s like “yea we were like five and we had a wedding on the playground and you kissed me 😊 and then we promised to get married for real when we were old enough hahaha” [<- partially inspired by my mother telling me when i was like 2 i ‘married’ my bestie on the playground. i have no memory of this but jklsdfsd ANYWAY]

cater’s all “ahahaaaa omg that’s sooo embarrassing i cant believe you remember that!!!” and char says something like “oh yea of course I do! i had like the biggest crush on you back then and i was soooo sad when you moved away forever 🥺” and caters like oh, ummmmm 👍

still they exchange magicams/numbers/whatever and go about their business with adeuce pestering cater for the rest of the trip like the nosy little brothers they are

fast forward to heartslabyul returning to the dorm and ace [like in the doodle up there ^ lol] LOUDLY barges in shouting something like “CATER HAS A BOOOOOOOOOOYYYYFRIIIIEEEEEEENDDDDDDDD!!!!!!” and cater’s all flustered and swatting at him like ace!!! no!!!! 😤😤

riddle n trey are just ?????? confused

cater’s just like “we just ran into an old friend of mine who goes to RSA now, and he asked me to be his date to the mixer, that’s all!!!!”

juice is just like “👀diamond senpai is this the Prince Charming™ you were talking about 👀” and caters like “🤔 i was totes kidding before but this totally does feel like something ROMANTIC out of a fairytale doesn’t it? haha how fun~”

POTENTIAL AU ALTERNATE BRANCH: for some maybe light angst, a potential trey route, trey’s either quietly listening like oh.... 💔💔💔 bc secretly HE had wanted to ask cater to be his date to the mixer. OR maybe he’s feeling some sadness but isnt sure why, talks to riddle alone later about it and is all “idk what it is with me, i guess i just assumed cater would be with us at the event like the three of us usually are, but i guess... he will be busy if he has a date....” and riddle has NO romance experience in his LIFE so hes just like “hmm yes i suppose it will be different to be at an event without cater constantly at our sides, but i am sure he will still hunt us down for his ‘memories’ to take pictures of, like always 😌“ and they just kinda laugh it off for the time being. but then cater’s texting this boy more and trey’s getting increasingly more restless and coming to terms w/the fact that hes PINING after his BESTIE!!! it’s ok in this branch they would be endgame sorry char

i also had a side note of other alternative branches for vil and malleus being the endgame, like aduece gossip about cater to the first year group and somehow it makes it back to them via epel or sebek. tho vil doesnt get the full story at first and just hears some pretty rsa guy asked cater out to the mixer and hes like “was it neige 😠😒” but anyway this aint about these guys those are just. some of many caterella alts. not even all the alts are char related LOL anyway

so that’s as far as I had for that specific concept before Dañarte spawned. heres another doodle of them

ok onto evil cousin guy!!

Dañarte starts as an RSA guy but eventually will change to NRC, mirroring how hans was like ‘ooo im a nice charming prince u can trust me’ and then went all jk im a villain bye

cousin to char, second year, they more or less maybe grew up together but Dañarte never met cater or if he did it wasnt often so they wouldnt remember or know each other

Dañarte and cater meet either at the aforementioned mixer or just at RSA if cater’s over there hanging out with Char and catching up

Dañarte is all charming and sparkly like most RSA students so he and Cater hit it off real fast 😉✨ and Char’s like, oh, uhhh, ok 😅??

cater either doesnt know Char’s interested in him again or he’s just not sure what to make of it, Dañarte does know Char’s into Cater and deliberately steals him away bc he resents his cousin. petty teenager drama lol

so ya potential route, Dañarte ends up dating cater for a while. but then [VAGUE SITUATIONS] occur and they have relationship problems and break up, leaving caycay HEARTBROKEN

WHICH!! could lead to more au branching LOL for who potentially is the one to try and heal caycay’s heart, mainly either Char, Trey, or.... SURPRISE, IDIA!!! (also i guess i mentioned vil and malleus earlier lol, all these au ideas came over the course of many months so i tended to forget details 😌)

i hear you going “what? huh?? when did idia get here!???!?!?!” shh. shhh. this post required me, forced my hand even, to ramble about all my aus/unposted fanfiction lol. i do have some mini fanfiction about the idia route that never left discord bc it’s so au specific hehehe but anyway, idia right?

ok taking a break from bullets while we detour here. so back when i was looking for names for char, i found another name meaning charming: eppa! it was cute 😌 this part spawned from more discord glitching and my friend’s idea from there- that eppa is just a fake name that IDIA is using to talk to cater on magicam or whatever bc he’s shy and hiding behind a fake prince charming [prince eppa of rsa!!] persona. this could just be a branch on its own w/o those dudes up there^ OR as I mentioned, he could be an alternative person for caycay to end up with after getting his heart broken. I wrote a little bit of unpublished fic and have a few doodles that follow this storyline lol, but we’ll get back to that later maybe.

ok but basically things could end there OR another bonus for MORE soap opera drama: for whatever reason that i never came up with, Dañarte gets KICKED OUT OF RSA!!!! or just transfers for some reason idk.

i debated on having him in scarabia or pomefiore, but ultimately went with scarabia, and here’s why I said he’d probably be a second year lol

because now he’s with kalim and jamil!!! at first kalim’s like “oh!!! a new friend nice to meet you!!!” but then quickly discovers at pop music club that this is in fact the same Dañarte that cater dated and broke his heart!!! oh no!!!

and cater’s like oh god!! my ex goes to school here now!! FUCK!!

but never fear. he claims he’s turned over a new leaf. that he will be civil. he just wants to start over and be a good boy 😌

cater is hesitant, but doesn’t wanna make a fuss. kalim wants to believe in the good in everyone and wants to give him a chance. and JAMIL who is ALSO HERE bc scarabia, does NOT trust this guy and does NOT want to leave him around kalim alone so he’s making an effort to be around the two of them a lot

basically jamil and Dañarte kinda suss each other out pretty fast as being people who hide their true intentions well under a facade of being polite and agreeable. idk if he’d show up pre or post overblot tho

so he spends a loooot of time with kalim and by extension jamil. and he’s also hovering around cater a lot

circling back to the idia thing lol, in some of the little fics i wrote for this au, i had written from i think idia’s pov and it was snippets that were basically:

idia likes cater, azul likes jamil [lol surprise they showed up in this eventually] and theyre board game buddies that kinda poke at each other about it. idia’s talking to cater behind the prince eppa account, and azul’s the only one that knows the secret. idia and cater bond via the account, idia learns more about cater’s melancholic side, they get really close, convince each other to go to class more in solidarity, cater sometimes vents to ‘eppa’ about the problems he’s having with his BOYFRIEND Dañarte... but idia is there to support caycay bc he’s SPECIAL <3 anyway then cater and Dañarte break up, idia and azul bully each other about how they’re afraid of making a move, blah blah blah. eventually cater’s gossiping to idia in class about how azul asked jamil on a date [i made a specific ref to my fic that i DID publish, Fake It Til We Make It 😌 but that’s not importantdsjlfd], the topic of valentine’s day comes up, cater mentions boohoo caycay is single on valentines day again... and idia has worked up the courage to invite cater to ignihyde’s movie night! hooray bonding irl and not behind the eppa mask!!! ohh but then. fast forward a little? cater’s talking to idia, hes like wow u and i have gotten closer lately, can i talk to u about something personal? u see... my ex asked me out. and i said id think about it 😔 cue heartbreak for idia again!! idia goes to board game club SAD. azul is also there and is like “oh sulking solidarity? i gotchu bro. jamil dumped me :’)” and idia’s like uhhhh fuck azul looks like he’s trying not to cry... wanna play VR games so we can escape reality... and they do 😌

^that’s where the written part ended. i have a doodle somewhere of like. even more soap opera drama. like i think Dañarte had asked cater out and cater was gonna give him a chance, but then ohhh noo guess what? cater’s telling pop music club.... and he’s like “ya Dañarte asked me out again-” and kalim FREEZES. hes like WAIT WHAT. WHAT. OH NO. bc uhhh turns out!!! Dañarte also just asked jamil out. WHAT THE!!! and the only reason jamil said YES(OH NO!!!) was bc he was sulking about his break up with azul 😔 a situation of jamil and azul fighting, breaking up, but still really really missing each other wahhhh making bad choicesssss

i dont think i ever went past there LOL but in my head and heart, that specific branch would have to be a happy ending for idia/cater and jamil/azul, Dañarte is simply there to cause problems on purpose

i also had a side reason, like a bonus for Dañarte’s motives (he’s not that deep a character lol this is mostly just goofs and giggles here) hes basically like “grr i resent my cousin so im going to do everything i can to sabotage his happiness. just because i guess. also maybe i should just become famous on the internet MYSELF since i cant be a cool royal, ill just use my title and charisma, and ill steal the fans of popular people like neige and vil - ooh looks like my dumb cousin’s crush is a fan of them both, excellent. hmm so is this rook person what- oh god no he’s weird and scary i’ll stick to terrorizing cater. anyway-” but i kinda didn’t stick with the magicam thing lol. just like a potential extra bit.

wait i found a snippet ^ from discord im just gonna copy/paste bc im getting lazy

‘ I have a scene in my head of pop music club going to do a small performance sometime after dañarte transferred to scarabia , and Kalim is torn bc on one hand he’s the housewarden and must make everyone feel welcome! But I’m the other hand that’s caters mean ex but on the other hand again he seems so nice and apologetic what do I do!! So Kalim ends up coming up to cater right before their performance and is like “ummmmm don’t be mad but I kind of invited dañarte ” and caters like KALIM WHY and kalims like IM SORRY HE SEEMED SO SAD AND REALLY WANTED TO SEE YOU PLAY They’re loudly stressing out off in the corner, meanwhile dañarte is wandering around the audience with Jamil like fellow scarabia buddy I hope u don’t mind if I hang around u Jamils like whatever but we have to sit… waaaaay over here, bc he saw tako and idia and he’s still in his awkward confusing feelings heartbreak stage with azul, And azul+ idia are at the show together just In Distresss'

okokok uhhhhh i think ive done enough talking wanna see more doodles and erratic notes

char and caycay reunited!!! char didnt actually end up getting much spotlight LOL he doesn’t have a lot of personality aside from Sweet Gentle Puppy. sorry bestie you got sidelined for drama jklfdskfl

#notatako is a side joke w/my friend ignore that kldfjdls but. caycay seeing pretty man Dañarte but hasnt met him yet

Dañarte jumpscare, looming over char’s phone when char’s just met back up with cater and has been Texting Him A Lot but hasnt invited him over yet

the boys being exes or something, and me trying to figure out what dorm he’d be in

doodle from when i brielfy forgot Dañarte was supposed to start at RSA lol, here’s him and jamil if they’d met as first years before jamil’s intentions were revealed with his overblot

Dañarte grumbling evilly to himself at RSA and getting chenya jumpscared -> caycay and the boys!!!

this is what it looked like when i tried to timeline plot some story ages ago LOL, ft silly little lad faces, an illustrated journey

[idk if u can read that maybe if u full view the image lol] basically this is the scene of jamil and azul having newly broken up and being all sad about it, Dañarte is all “hehehe give me a chance jamil we could be so great together” and jamil, who normally just ignores Dañarte and doesn’t fall for his FALSE CHARM, is at a WEAKER LOW POINT bc he REALLY MISSES AZUL but he doesnt wanna ADMIT that he misses azul, and now Dañarte just sounded Just Like Azul, and he’s just asked jamil out, and azul is Right There Looking At Jamil bc he was walking by and heard Dañarte ask him out... jamil’s like 😔fine sure whatever 😔 and azuls like ..... 💔💔💔

SAD! anyway, jsdlfjkds. sorry caycay jamil and azul got shoved into ur soap opera. it’s fine. jamil/azul would make up with each other eventually somehow. cater would find Real Love elsewhere. IT’S FINE!! no perma angst in my house ALLOWED!!! but it’s fun to play with. temporarily.

i thought i had a doodle somewhere of kalim going 0_0 when jamil told kalim that Dañarte asked him out, right after cater just told kalim the same [or vice versa idr] but i CANT FIND IT!!! it’s not important tho it’s literally Just That lol. i think. 🤔

anyway. dear lord. i doubt anyone is going to read all of this LOL, maybe skimming or skipping around if im lucky 🧡 those are my like, ‘canon compliant’ twst ocs i guess. something like that. the only other twst related ocs i have [FOR NOW] are fankids my friend and i made of ships for funsies flkdsjfl okay. thank u for reading. if anyone did LOL if i were you i’d just look at the pictures and live with being confused 🧡

OK THANKS BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM LOL #twst oc #cereal tries to draw #ocs #i guess uhh #twisted wonderland #for my own categorizing #but im not tagging the characters too much spam fkldsjfl #also SORRY SORRY i think the skintones look muddy again #i have a bad problem of like #EITHER them looking TOO saturated OR too gray #i cant find that sweet spot!!!#but also it looks fine on my second screen so. idk anymore damn!!!#colors are hard this is why i usually skip to grayscale or nothing lol #ok anyway bye again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#this took forever damn lol!!!!!!!!!!!#oc: char #oc: Dañarte

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