crawling out
for @steddiemicrofic prompt ‘hole’
rated m | 404 words
cw: mention of addiction (nothing specific or detailed), mention of rehab, break-up | tags: rock star Eddie Munson, making amends, angst with a hopeful/happy ending, hurt/comfort, getting back together
- - - - - - - - - -
“Keep digging the hole for yourself. Eventually, no one will find you.”
Those were the last words Steve had said to him over a year ago.
They were in the middle of tour, their first headlining one, and Steve had been antsy. Eddie was picking fights with him for no god damn reason.
Steve got sick of it.
Steve left.
The band finished that tour, Eddie went on a bender and nearly died, and the band took a break.
- - -
Rehab sucked. Not because of the withdrawals; Those weren’t all that bad compared to some of the horror stories he’d heard. He was alone.
And being alone was what got him there in the first place.
Steve warned him he’d be alone the further into this hole he put himself and he was right.
- - -
But it’s been months since rehab, months since he felt the urge to bury himself in the hole he dug for himself, months since he started clawing his way out.
He’d spent the first month with Wayne, who welcomed him with open arms the way he always did.
The second month was spent traveling to see all the kids, apologize to them for everything.
All of them had quickly sided with Steve, rightfully so, and he’d barely heard from them after…well, after. They all accepted his apologies, wanted to start working towards friendship again.
Next was a trip back to California to visit the band, who all stuck around to help out in the studio and write songs for others while they figured out what they wanted to do. They all loved him, told him so in the way they looked proud to see him standing outside of the hole he dug.
Now, standing outside the apartment Steve shared with Robin, he had the strong urge to jump back into the hole.
“Just knock,” he said to himself.
He lifted his hand.
The door swung open.
Steve stood there, just as beautiful and perfect as the day he left Eddie, frowning.
He looked him up and down, took in how he’d changed, put on a little bit of weight, trimmed his hair to his shoulders, got a new tattoo.
The date Steve left.
Steve’s eyes locked on his.
“You still digging that hole?”
“No. Filling it in actually. My arms got tired.”
Steve bit his lip, the telltale sign he was hiding a laugh.
“Need help?”
Eddie smiled. “Couldn’t hurt, sweetheart.”
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STWG daily drabble - 03/10/23
Prompt: Rehab
cw: alcoholism, depression, mention of suicidal ideation (no specifics), mention of scars, mentions of rehab, cw infidelity
****
Thirty days. He’d done thirty days.
They hadn’t been apart for that long… well, ever, now that he thought about it. While they weren’t really a thing when they left Hawkins, they were something. EddieandSteve, SteveandEddie, that weird coming together of two people so diametrically opposed that their friends and relatives still remarked on it now, twenty years later. The weirdest Ying and Yang ever, as Robin would say.
That they’d made it to twenty years, technically twenty years, four months and eighteen days, not that he’s counting, that they’d made it that long boggled even his mind. They always assumed that the scars, the ones people could see and the ones they couldn’t, would end up creating a fissure. That the fault line was there and the wrong comment, the wrong action would just tear it open and all the pain, all the emotional baggage would just gush out and drown them.
There were times, very occasional times, when the fault line cracked open a little and their feet got wet. The first time Eddie left, back in ninety three, so depressed and ground down by the world that they both thought he was going to do something stupid. Very nearly did something stupid. The depression was still there, they’d accepted it now, they just managed it as they went. They were a team. That’s how they coped.
Or when Steve, so exhausted by Eddie’s extreme moods, that he spent more and more time at work and less and less time at home. Spent more time with a work mate than he did with Eddie. Spent enough time with her that they ended up in her bed. That one nearly finished them off for good. But it’d been seven years since then, and they kept working at it, and it kept getting easier.
Scars were permanent reminders of an event. They both learned to deal with the physical ones a long time ago. Steve’s had faded enough that public swimming pools didn’t phase him anymore, but Eddie’s still looked angry on his pale skin even after all this time. So they rented private homes on vacation, places with pools so that Eddie could swim, skin to the air and water, without worrying about anyone looking.
But it had been the invisible ones that had cast the longest shadows over the last twenty years (and four months and eighteen days, not that he’s counting). The ones they’d both finally accepted they’d never truly be free from. The scars that made themselves known during the neighbourhood firework display. Or when a flock of birds flew across the sky, dark wings and caws as they swooped overhead.
The ones that left them wrung out and exhausted from nightmares so often that they took turns using the guest room so that at least one of them could get a good nights sleep. Not all the time, they wanted to be there for each other, needed to be there as much as they could. But they were barrelling into their forties (where did the time go?). They couldn’t operate the way they did when they first got together, they actually needed sleep to function now. And in Eddie’s case it wasn’t just about functioning, it was about keeping his mood somewhat on an even keel. It was about keeping him from places they couldn’t pull him back from. So yeah, a spare bed was a necessity in their home.
Sometimes the pain from those scars could be dulled, though. Weed. Prescription painkillers.
Alcohol.
It had been thirty one days since his last drink.
The first week was fucking horrific, but he got through it. Just had to remember what he had at home. And the fact that it was court ordered rehab and he didn’t have a choice. He got lucky after the first DUI. Technically he got lucky after the second one. It could have been jail.
He felt… good? It’d been a while since he’d been this sober this long. He looked better, less sallow. He’d been eating better, too. He was filling out his clothes in places he hadn’t even noticed got loose. There were lots of things he hadn’t noticed.
He signed the release paperwork and picked up his bag before heading outside to the horrible bright orange Ford Ranger. He’d suggest getting a new car, but he wasn’t going to be driving anywhere for a while.
“Hey you,” he said, all casual like he hadn’t been away detoxing, having therapy, and generally crying and moaning for the last thirty days.
“‘Hey you’? That’s what you’re going with? ‘Hey you’?”
He shrugged, a shy smile pulled at the corner of his mouth.
“Get your ass over here, Harrington.”
It hit him all at once, the shame and the realisation of what he risked, what he could have lost. The last twenty years (and four months and eighteen days, not that he’s counting) with this man, with Eddie. His Eddie. All the good days, all the bad ones, all the boring ones in between.
EddieandSteve. SteveandEddie.
“Oh, it’s Harrington, now?” Steve choked out, voice thick, eyes wet.
Eddie shook his head, “Come here.” They grabbed at each other like they were drowning, each of them a life raft for the other.
“Let’s go home,” said Eddie.
Steve could only nod, out of words, overwhelmed. It wasn’t over. It wasn’t done just because he spent thirty days in rehab. It would be forever, like Eddie’s depression. But they’d coped with that, and Eddie told him they’d cope with this and he believed him. They’ve got this.
They’re a team.
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Hi sweet. do you recommend johnlock fics about drugs and Sherlock's addiction/withdrawal. And if they are from the Victorian era I like them too 💘💘💘
Hey Lovely!
I do! I have a few lists, though nothing specific to the Victorian era:
Self Harm, Danger Nights, and Drugs
Drugs and Drugging Pt 2
Realistic Drugs/Drug Rehab (Community Recs)
Rehab/Mental Hospital AU (Community Recs)
If anyone has something more specific for Tiempo, please do add them here! <3
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I’m so grateful for the comments and messages I received supporting me after I lapsed. It makes me feel so connected - and what I’ve learned in therapy is the opposite of addiction is community, so I’m embracing it ❤️
🌸I believe I am worthy of sobriety and love🌸
This is what it has all come down to for me. I choose to go out on a limb, and embrace sobriety. I choose to let myself have a really good go at achieving my dreams. I choose to sit in the hard shit instead of numbing myself. I choose to process my emotions and connect with myself. Here’s to a completely sober 2023!!! (eek that’s scary to declare)
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Hi Steph! I hope you had a good bday! I’m craving a fic that has sherlock relapsing into drug use and john supporting him through it? Thank you so much!
Hey Nonny!
I did, thank you! :D
Ah, If I do have any personal recs, they'll be on one of these lists:
Self Harm, Danger Nights, and Drugs
Drugs and Drugging Pt 2
And I have a couple Community Rec posts:
Rehab/Mental Hospital AU
Realistic Drugs/Drug Rehab
If anyone has something that they'd like to add, please do, as always! :D
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