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femmefatalevibe · 10 months

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Femme Fatale Guide: How To Validate Yourself & Stop People Pleasing

A comprehensive guide to learn love & trust yourself and break out of your people-pleasing identity. Hope this helps xx

HOW TO MASTER THE ART OF SELF-VALIDATION:

Remember the longest relationship you have in life is the one with yourself. While we all need an external support system to be well-rounded & healthy individuals, no one else will be with you throughout your entire life except for you. So, acting as your own best friend is the secret to living your happiest and most fulfilling life. You ultimately need to do what's best for you. Otherwise, you're damaging the only relationship you will have to confront in every aspect and stage of your life.

Acknowledge your humanity and fundamental right to have needs, goals, and personal desires. Validate your personhood and individuality. Remember you're only human and are bound to have your own physical/emotional limitations and preferences. If you would be willing to cater to others' schedules, boundaries, and limitations, give yourself this equal level of respect and expect others to do the same.

Know everyone is self-centered to a certain degree. No one cares about your happiness as much or is watching you as closely as you are. They all have themselves and their lives to worry about. People are paying attention to their own self-interests (or want you to accomplish things to boost their own credibility or self-esteem). Being your greatest personal cheerleader is the only way to fully give yourself the praise and spotlight you deserve for your accomplishments.

Self-confidence is magnetic. It is the secret to showing up as your best self in all areas of life. Being secure in yourself makes you a better friend, family member, lover, partner, spouse, professional, conversationalist, etc. Validating yourself will make you feel good, but also radiates into every relationship or interaction in your life.

Discover what you love about yourself. Reflect on the personality traits, skillsets, and behaviors you know to be admirable about yourself. Are you constantly making others laugh? Do you get endless praise for your cooking, drawing, singing, or problem-solving skills? Would people come to you first to manage a crisis like a champion? Are you a master disciplinarian when it comes to going to the gym or reading? Do people regularly compliment your outfits or nails? Think of all of the aspects of your being that make you unique and help you to feel content with your existing, authentic self.

Take control of your life to cultivate your ideal self. While you should consistently praise your naturally admirable qualities, remember that you always can change aspects of your life that will help you feel like your best self. Know that you're in control of your decisions and have the mental freedom to think & act in any way you desire to reach any goals or implement lifestyle changes to feel like the person you feel destined to be.

Block out the noise and negative self-talk. We're (almost always!) our worst critics. Consider every new experience or interaction as a learning opportunity. Mistakes and failures are life lessons that facilitate self-reflection and opportunities for growth. Remember not to beat yourself up for past mistakes: You did the best you could with the information you had at the time. If you weren't embarrassed by your past self, you never gave yourself the chance to evolve and grow. Every success, failure, and new life stage offers its own lessons and teachable moments. Remember that we're all our own unique life paths. Comparing your life to someone else's is like comparing apples and oranges. Both entities may be fruitful but have vastly different flavor profiles, growing seasons, and rates at which they ripen. As Dita Von Tesse shrewdly said: "You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there will always be someone who hates peaches."

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE PLEASING:

Acknowledge that people-pleasing is a form of self-neglect. By prioritizing another person's desires or approval above your own, you're ultimately neglecting your physical, emotional, energetic, or spiritual needs. Consider acting in your best in your own best interest as an act of self-care that safeguards your well-being.

Set boundaries. State your limitations, calmly, clearly, and directly. Understand that boundaries are your response to other people's actions, not a means to control other people's behavior. An expectation would be to ask someone not to call you during the workday. A boundary is stating that you will not pick up the phone during the workday and will only make/return calls in the evening after leaving the office.

Communicate your needs & expectations clearly. While you can't control what others will do, being upfront with your needs and expectations can eliminate unnecessary stress, logistical issues, misplaced hurt feelings, or disappointment in any type of relationship. Direct communication between parties will allow you both to respect each other's boundaries and to prioritize interactions that are mutually more positive, helpful, and emotionally nourishing.

Express your "no" freely (and without over-explaining). Remember that "No" is a complete sentence. You do not owe someone your time or emotional energy simply because they asked or expect you to do something/attend an event out of perceived obligation/guilt or simply to make someone else happy. Making sure you're okay is your first priority. Feel free to say "no" to any requests that would emotionally drain you, make you overextend yourself, or compromise any of your personal values/goals/priorities. You don't need to justify your needs. Just kindly decline, and let it be.

Remain consistent with your boundaries & priorities. People will treat you how you let them treat you. Once you set a boundary or share your priorities will someone, stick to these words through your actions to show you're serious about how you expect to be treated. Teach people how to interact with you in a way that doesn't feel self-sacrificing. No one will respect your boundaries and priorities if you don't and are easily swayed to forgo these self-imposed standards on a day-to-day or case-by-case basis.

Consider the long-term consequences of people-pleasing. While it may appease immediate conflict or anxiety, people-pleasing offers a one-way ticket to resentment and misplaced anger. By ignoring our own needs for the sake of others, we place unspoken expectations on these individuals' obligations to reciprocate our emotional labor – whether it be with their future actions or matching our generosity with unprompted favors or emotional support. We start keeping score as we continuously give ourselves over to others of perceived obligation. When someone doesn't return the favor, we get upset, despite never expressing this expectation of someone else or that we're even self-sacrificing in any way. This can lead to us feeling depleted or guilt-tripping others, and from their perspective, seemingly out of nowhere. It is best to remember we always have a choice whether to give to others and it should be of a genuine desire, love, or support for the other person – not as a way to gain external validation or manipulate a situation to create a false sense of obligation that we keep ourselves or the receiving party beholden to. Think of your energy, time, and personal resources given to others as a gift, not a bargaining chip.

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maskmascot · 10 months

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Queenie scrunchies

#queen of hatred #project moon #lobotomy corporation #yes these are old im bring them from my side twt acc mostly #my art #my doodles #ahhh if im comfortable confidence to post not so-so color messy doodle to my main enough people would know I LOVE MY DAUGHTER SO MUCH #and her other siblings too!! but i dont want to post them right now bc i think i might color those #just know im a big mother fan of abno magical girl gang #queenieeeee :plending emoji:

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cometrose · 1 month

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queen of tears pisses me off because haein and hyunwoo know each other so well but don't know each other at all like

"she doesn't like it when people touch her hair" "he doesn't drink coffee on an empty stomach" "she doesn't like the bathroom floor wet" "she's not a lightweight so how did you get her drunk"

And the phone password...

they make me sick!!!!

#queen of tears #they're terrible!!!#he assumes the worst if she doesn't speak #but she assumes the best but she doesn't speak #LORD #i am making an emotional investment in an drama that has a 49% chance of ending in tragedy #i love how they were both physically attracted to the each other #girl its normal to want to fuck your husband #its crazy how he's like i want her gone but at the slightest problem he's right beside her #haein: yes me and my husband have grown distant but everything is fine #hyunwoo: *rotting beneath the floorboards*#hyunwoo: haein is strong and confident that she doesn't need anyone #haein: *in pieces*#i wonder was it the baby that drove them apart…it wouldn’t be surprising

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whewchilly · 1 year

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THIS YEAR I WILL WIN

#ok loving the confidence queen!#also. Madrid/Spain.

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build-a-queen · 8 months

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Stop saying bad things about yourself. Say nice things instead, just like you would to a friend.

Repost @theambitiouswoman

#confidence #healing #queen #mentalheathawareness

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succulentsiren · 8 months

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Dark Feminine Tips 🖤 - Stop bowing down to others and relinquishing your power.

❝Your highest self can never thrive in the place of subservience. Stand tall. Be solid. And allow yourself to thrive!❞ — H.S.

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leonisandmurex · 11 months

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The 𝑩𝑹𝑰𝑫𝑬 & 𝑮𝑹𝑶𝑶𝑴

of (current & future)

𝑲𝑰𝑵𝑮𝑺 & 𝑸𝑼𝑬𝑬𝑵𝑺

Carl Gustaf ♡ Silvia, Victoria ♡ Daniel, Abdullah ♡ Rania, Rajwa ♡ Hussein, Charles ♡ Camilla, Catherine ♡ William, Harold ♡ Sonja, Mette-Marit ♡ Haakon, Frederick ♡ Mary, Margrethe ♡ Henrik, Guillaume ♡ Stephanie, Maria Teresa ♡ Henri, Albert ♡ Charlene, Masako ♡ Naruhito, Willem ♡ Maxima, Mathilde ♡ Philippe, Jetsun Pema ♡ Jigme Khesar, Letizia ♡ Felipe

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evansbby · 6 months

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haven’t i always said that selena gomez always plays the victim??? ALWAYS???

#her victim mentality is actually insane #forget genocides forget children and innocent people being bombed daily #she needs to find a way to make it about herself #it’s honestly fascinating to watch how tone deaf she is #it’s fascinating to watch her spew out ‘poor me’ rhetoric EVEN IN THIS SITUATION #all she truly cares about is her ex boyfriend and his wife #I’ve always said this but I think Hailey Bieber is 1000x the woman selena gomez is for enduring all the hate that she does #that Selena FUELS #Selena plays victim card and makes her fans go after strong confident queens like Bella hadid too #but forget all that #IMAGINE THERE IS A LITERAL GENOCIDE GOING ON AND YOU STILL FIND A WAY TO THROW A TANTRUM AND MAKE IT ABOUT YOURSELF #she’s literally the worst y’all I’ve been saying it for years #and if you’re a fan of hers #like not even a casual fan but if you’re a selena stan #then thats fucking weird I’m sorry bc all her little army does is defend her when she’s clearly in the wrong #I honestly have people like her

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asparagazpacho · 1 year

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asparagazpacho presents Vote Willow propa #2324

#dst willow #willow dst #dst fanart #dst #willow but STRANGE and NEW looking. i am not confident in this artstyle but id do anything for my queen #im checking the polls before bed (im queuing this) i pray to GOD we are still 50 50...#PLEASE vote wx or wx with teeth may show up at your house. its really scary stuff #asparagus art #willow agenda week

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incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 6 months

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Oh we are so BACK

When I tell you I saw this and died. HELLO?????

I keep hiding my face lahshjsdhjgfsaf HE HAS NO RIGHT. NO RIGHT AT ALL BEING THAT SEXILY INTENSE AAAAAAAAAAA

Anyway, I should probably try to make some attempt at describing the event since. If I don't I'll just be barking/crying/hiding my face for the next twelve hours.

Basically--and I'm not sure this is going to be across the board, but it held true for Napoleon and Sebastian at least--each suitor has a birthday event this year instead of a separate story. Comte's won't be released until tomorrow, but they have posted a preview.

From what I gather, he talks a little bit about himself and reveals parts of his past that haven't come to light in the game yet. There wasn't really enough to convey a coherent narrative beyond attending a party, but the line displayed here does get across the larger theme:

Comte: (I don't need momentary pleasure or ephemeral affection any longer. Now that I know love, there's nothing but you.)

He talks about how the aristocracy have thrown parties and extravagant celebrations for his birthday for most of his life. But none of it has ever really made him happy, largely because he knows that they are attempts to strengthen and broadcast power relations within high society. While I don't think he means it's entirely devoid of well wishes, I do think he sees it as a nexus of influence--and thus, by nature, impersonal. And honestly, I don't think he's wrong about that; the higher the echelon in social standing, the more it requires performance to maintain the position.

That being said, there is a fascinating flashback where he remembers a pureblood telling him about how falling in love with a human is an experience of another caliber entirely. My understanding is that Comte was still a fairly young vampire at the time, so he didn't really understand what the person was getting at. It seems like the other pureblood was trying to convey the difference in feeling, perhaps the fact that humans are more grounded in accordance with how they live--the reality and necessity of change.

After reading this--and the recent 5th bday story--I can absolutely see how change is something Comte has a complicated relationship with. He's known a certain way of life for so long, has constructed a sensibility of distant, rational maturity. After all the heartbreak of his youth, and two very acute traumatic events in his life, I can see why he'd be so afraid of broaching any kind of proximity with another person. Because on some level it's so much easier not to put your feelings on the line, to never have to fear devastating loss. And that's to say nothing of the worry of being unable to measure up on behalf of another person, of letting them down.

I'm so excited to see the rest of the contents, but something about the preview made me equal parts giddy and enamored (all I do is kick my feet with excitement LOL). I think what gets to me with Comte is that he truly does love companionship as a place to rest, a place where he can be honest about himself and his feelings without fear of ridicule (and the same goes for MC). In a world increasingly obsessed with surface level performances of power, status, and emotion, it's hard not to feel his exhaustion to the core.

Also, because these lines at the end more or less destroyed me in the best possible way:

MC: ...The you who had nowhere to belong no longer exists. In much the same way...Abel, I belong to you. Comte: ... Comte: I wish I could say to myself all those years ago, the me who kept indulging in such paltry things. Comte: Until you meet MC, you will never know love... The warmth of MC in my arms filled me with such joy I was near tears. (I don't need momentary pleasure or ephemeral affection any longer. Now that I know love, there's nothing but you.) The moment my lips found hers, the sweetness lit a fire deep in my body. Comte: These cute lips that melt against mine, the heat of your skin, the love that envelops me in your embrace--always leaves me so deeply in love with you.

#ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp comte #ikevamp saint germain #ikevamp spoilers #LETS GO ABEL UNPACKING ALL THOSE COPING MECHANISMS #**pats the couch next to me** CONFIDE IN ME #but in all seriousness i really do love how raw his relief and happiness feels #to have spent all of those years trying to subsist on emotional crumbs and numbing himself #and mc is so real for just gathering him in her arms and holding him tight QUEEN MOOD!!!!#i really really really love that general recurrence in his stories too #of how he always feels so isolated and out of place even when he's surrounded by people #yet all it takes is mc saying 'you belong to me--just as I belong to you. you're never truly alone :>'#to make him both overjoyed but also unhinged with so much love for her--to feel alive #also man........MAN.....#him looking back at who he used to be vs who he is now #im so caught between memeing like 'you know what that is? growth!'#but also lowkey weeping from the fact that he feels loved enough to look back and fully admit it wasn't quite happiness #that he was just surviving the only way he knew how--not really living #ABEL THE THINGS YOU DO TO ME #CMERE LOVER BOY #comte propaganda #fangdad propaganda #baguettosaurus #literally october was always my favorite month but its even better now that it just becomes a comte-loving festival for me #truly all the joys of monsterfking all tg

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butmakeitgayblog · 4 months

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Christmas Angel 🪽

#alycia debnam carey #ohhhh you can hear how she's been in Australia more #that koala accent is thicccin back up #idk if you know this but she invented low buttoned white blouses #it's giving demon Lexa #it's giving CI Lexa at a meeting #istg her 30s have been such a blessing on the hotness scale and I just love that for her #and me #the confidence she exudes🤌🏻#they kept in her reaction to dropping the box WHY cuz it was cute 🥺👉👈#like yes queen plug those sponsored projects but also you're a clumsy dork we know #what a way to wake up #I'm still half asleep so idk if this is even coherent but I have a lot of feelings

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femmefatalevibe · 11 months

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Femme Fatale Guide: How To Master The Art of Self-Validation & Stop Caring What Others Think

Remember that you have the longest relationship with yourself in this life. Friends, family, lovers, partners, spouses, mentors, etc. will come and go. Ultimately, though, you have to live with the consequences of your actions for the longest – whether they be positive or negative.

Everyone is self-centered to a certain degree. No one cares about your happiness as much or is watching you as closely as you are. They all have themselves and their lives to worry about. People are paying attention to their own self-interests (or want you to accomplish things to boost their own credibility or self-esteem). Being your greatest personal cheerleader is the only way to fully give yourself the praise and spotlight you deserve for your accomplishments.

Self-confidence is magnetic. It is the secret to showing up as your best self in all areas of life. Being secure in yourself makes you a better friend, family member, lover, partner, spouse, professional, conversationalist, etc. Validating yourself will make you feel good, but also radiates into every relationship or interaction in your life.

Discover what you love about yourself. Reflect on the personality traits, skillsets, and behaviors you know to be admirable about yourself. Are you constantly making others laugh? Do you get endless praise for your cooking, drawing, singing, or problem-solving skills? Would people come to you first to manage a crisis like a champion? Are you a master disciplinarian when it comes to going to the gym or reading? Do people regularly compliment your outfits or nails? Think of all of the aspects of your being that make you unique and help you to feel content with your existing, authentic self.

Take control of your life to cultivate your ideal self. While you should consistently praise your naturally admirable qualities, remember that you always can change aspects of your life that will help you feel like your best self. Know that you're in control of your decisions and have the mental freedom to think & act in any way you desire to reach any goals or implement lifestyle changes to feel like the person you feel destined to be.

Block out the noise and negative self-talk. We're (almost always!) our worst critics. Consider every new experience or interaction as a learning opportunity. Mistakes and failures are life lessons that facilitate self-reflection and opportunities for growth. Remember not to beat yourself up for past mistakes: You did the best you could with the information you had at the time. If you weren't embarrassed by your past self, you never gave yourself the chance to evolve and grow. Every success, failure, and new life stage offers its own lessons and teachable moments. Remember that we're all our own unique life paths. Comparing your life to someone else's is like comparing apples and oranges. Both entities may be fruitful but have vastly different flavor profiles, growing seasons, and rates at which they ripen. As Dita Von Tesse shrewdly said: "You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there will always be someone who hates peaches."

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katrantsasoiaf · 1 year

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hotd as troubled birds (4/?)

.

i am a simple person. i see flying iguana godzilla, bigger than the castle walls, i turn around and fly home with my tail between my legs. they could call me a craven and mock me for the rest of my life, but at least i would live. idk, rip lucerys but i'm built different.

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froggywentaprincin · 1 month

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#do you see my vision #eah meme #hopper croakington ii #dexter charming #daring charming #ginger breadhouse #raven queen #darling charming #apple white #chase redford #apple and darling maybe not but I’m quite confident in who I’ve put for everyone else #Addams family 1964 #eah #ever after high

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koreandragon · 1 month

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why the fuck did i go on twitter....

#i'm... baffled #like yeah sure he acted rashly because of his emotions but can you imagine what kind of HURT he must have went through to make this decision #like sorry if my significant other just started throwing out our dead baby's stuff acting like it was nothing #refusing to confide in me about it #I'd get fucking mad too i literally got chills down my spine during this scene because of how cold she was acting #i'm of course not blaming her but why is it suddenly his fault??#queen of tears

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kimbapisnotsushi · 9 months

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the part where kiyoko is running to get hinata's shoes and leaves yachi alone to take care of the tsubakihara match is so monumental to me because it was a passing of the torch at nationals when it was kiyoko's first time at nationals, too!! from the very beginning, she had always wanted to fly with the rest of them!! she had every right to be the one standing with the team during that first game!! but she doesn't!! kiyoko leaves knowing that she'll barely just make it back in time!! she leaves knowing that she'll have to let yachi to fend for herself!! she leaves knowing that she won't be able to stand with the people she loves, that she won't be able to support them and care for them the way she has for the past three years so that they could make it where they are now, and asks yachi to take it up in her stead!! and she's okay with that!! because kiyoko knows, just as much as anyone else, that if they want to win, they have to do what's needed to rise up to the challenge!! even if they're defeated the very next day, even if it suddenly comes to an end, all that matters to kiyoko is that she and everyone else are able to fight until they absolutely can't anymore!! and she will do everything in her power to make that happen!!

tl;dr this is my appreciation post for shimizu kiyoko who deserves everything ever thank you and good night

#honestly that scene is so funny tho bc realistically #“i'm confident in my leg and my stamina :)” babe you haven't done track and field in like three years #like i'm not an athlete or sporty by any means but like #she'd need to train constantly to maintain her stamina/strength no???#but narrative wise that's queen shit and i love it #i actually really REALLY love her philosophy #“i don't know if we we will win. i don't know if we will lose. all i know is that we can keep trying”#“and not a single drop of our effort will have gone to waste so long as we have that”#god. she'd get along great with sakusa #shimizu kiyoko #yachi hitoka #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu meta #sou says stuff

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