#childhood triggers me

[sensitivegoblin]

Vent rant

#i feel like everytime I feel normal and happy somethings ruins it #i was playing Mario party with new friends/in laws #and it ended in a big emotional fight #and it just kills me cus it was about my niece and as you can tell the topic of children and #childhood triggers me #they treat her too much like an adult #i dunno why I’m bawling and crying it didn’t even happen to me #but I just feel this pain #people say I always make it about me #but I’m having difficult feelings im coping with #i dunno times like these the pain is so bad I’d rather cut myself or die #die* #she’s not my kid I can’t save her #i dunno I’m just tired of being an adult I wanna be oblivious to the shitty parts of the world #q #it’s not fair #why don’t care about the things she hears?????? #I’m freaking out so bad I dunno what to do

[ed-recoverry]

Credit

#mental health #positivity #self care #mental illness #self help #recovery #pro recovery #ed recovery #actually cptsd #actuallytraumatized #depression #trauma #traumacore #childhood trauma #ptsd #cptsd #pro for me not for thee #ana trigger #sh #tw s3lf harm #self h@rm #bpd #disordered eating thoughts #borderline personality disorder #low cal restriction #pro a4a #suicidal ideation #tw suicidality #ed not ed sheeran #actually ptsd

[chawliekin]

and if I said that dennis’ insistence on being the breadwinner/provider despite literally being a pampered princess who dgaf about traditional roles of masculinity in every other regard (aside from ego) is because his mom only stayed with/chose frank for his wealth and dennis is highly aware that he’s difficult to love and unable to show his emotions openly so he has to be contributing something to the relationship materially in order to feel like he’s worth staying for… and mac grew up with parents who were extremely ambivalent to him and eachother so he has to overcompensate by proving his worth at every given moment and seeking praise/validation from people (and religious icons) who will never demonstrate the same amount of dedication to him but he has no idea how else to desperately keep himself close to those he loves other than by eroding himself into something they’ll approve of… dear god they’re both exactly what the other needs — someone who can’t and won’t leave them even if they try — and they don’t even see it…

#dennis thinks he’s losing his edge and mac thinks he’s perfect anyway #mac feels like no one in his life has ever needed him enough to stay but dennis can’t stay away #IM ILLLLLL about these men from the world’s stupidest sitcom #sorry if this got a little freudian I don’t LITERALLY mean it in the sense that mac/dennis are seeking something that reminds them of their #parents (gross) (although pretty character accurate to the SINNED system) #but rather that our childhoods teach us what we should expect and look out for in life #and it never really leaves us #this all stemmed from me contemplating MADMTTS and how it would’ve made way more sense for mac (high energy adhd) to be out in the world #and dennis (bpd anger issues) to be indoors free from the triggers of the world #but they INSISTED on mac being housewife dennis being breadwinner #same as their little battle over supposed roles/dynamics as hugh honey/vic vinegar/brian lefevre etc #you are two queer men why on earth do you care about sticking to heterosexual gender roles #but it was never about the gender roles it was about what they self-assign their value to… #mac and dennis #mac mcdonald #dennis reynolds #iasip #it’s always sunny in philadelphia #its always sunny #macdennis #macden

[manhattan-gamestop]

The shitty thing about childhood trauma is that it leaves you with the most specific-ass triggers that you may not even know exist unless they're pressed. And it can be hard to even understand why something was a trigger, so how tf do you explain it to another person or stop it from happening again

#I just had to email my professors about my childhood trauma and diagnoses bc their specific Zoom setup was triggering for me #and it took me a week to even process why that was #love to have Brain that is plagued with PTSD #rambling #tracking tag

[martyrbat]

ghosts - batman: haunted knight

[ID: A multi panel sequence of Bruce Wayne as a child on Halloween. He's dressed up in a Mask of Zorro costume and is excitedly running down the stairs while holding two swords, calling out for his mother happily. He tells her that he's ready to go trick or treating. Martha Wayne has her hand on his shoulder and is smiling as she tells him, “your costume looks great!” Bruce replies, “Thanks, I made it myself. Alfred sorta helped. Is dad home yet?” Martha draws her hand back hesitantly and says his name. Bruce already knows that that means there's bad news. He tells her, “don't tell me,” before she continues and says his father called. Bruce has his head down, angrily finishing her sentence, “he's gotta work late!” He looks out the window as if his father will appear and says, “It's not fair! He promised he would take me trick or treating!” Martha soothes that she knows as Bruce repeats, “he promised,” to himself disappointedly. She tells him, “But there was an emergency,” which makes Bruce snap, “There's always some emergency!”

Bruce continues to stand in front of the window as Martha looks at him. Bruce announces, “I'm gonna wait for him. Even if it takes all night!” as he tensely clenches the handle of his sword. Martha reaches out for him sadly and suggests, “Bruce, I could take you out myself. Or, we can call some of the other children at school and go out with them.” Bruce, as an adult, somberly says off panel that, “she doesn't know...” as his kid self stares out the window still. His hat casting a small shadow on his face as he tells her, “There are no other kids to call. I have no friends at school.” Martha says his name again but doesn't know how to comfort him. Instead, she just silently places a hand on his shoulder. We see a silhouette from far away of her standing next to him as Bruce waits for his father to eventually come home. END ID]

#hey do you ever think about bruce's childhood and feel your chest hurt #like even before the murders. just how lonely he was a boy and how that loneliness only grew after watching his entire life and people he #had be ripped away from him. sure he had alfred but his entire life and world was contained to that big scary house that was suddenly so #much emptier. the constant reminders and seeing what was once there and triggering it again and again and again ontop of ptsd and ocd... #also martha?? love her. hes the biggest mama's boy you cant change my mind. #<- again using this tag because if thomas worked a lot and bruce obviously didn't have friends to go out with #then the only person he ever actually talked to and interacted with was his mother and alfred #the man hired to care about you and the woman who gave birth to you. thus that attachment being stronger #but also the 'people have to be trapped to want to be around me'... a man hired to be your friend and take care of you... #ur own parents not wanting to/avoiding that responsibility and involvement.... yeah. #anyways ! happy halloween !! heres a child being disappointed ! #bruce wayne #baby brucie #crypt's panels #c: batman: haunted knight | ghosts #martha wayne #bruce & martha #bruce's childhood

[lunart-06]

Erm erm erm I have been cooking for the past few weeks of my innactivity with *hands you* childhood friends (puppy crush??) Hinaegi au (it is a comfort au) there is very much fluff and potential angst in it and I don't see this trope being used a lot!!

#danganronpa trigger happy havoc #super danganronpa 2 #danganronpa #makoto naegi #hajime hinata #hinaegi #childhood friends trope #but also childhood puppy crush #and it gave me diebetes

[chiyobaasama]

baby is wearing her glasses for the first time

#my art #karin uzumaki #they are so important to me #pov you are whoever wrote that god awful childhood episode and i am in your walls #shit was geniunely triggering but still made to look voyeuristic i hate pierrot so much

[writterings]

they need to make plushie holders you can wear. i want my little buddy on me while i do tasks that require movement and my hands. do you understand.

#posts brought to you by the childhood trauma and rage were just triggered gang #and we're self regulated with the plushies and by cleaning my #room and being alone which will help #but cmon man #i need my #little buddy on me not next to me and he's too big to like. shove in my shirt. #also it's always so funny that i'm into plushies like i'm #mascu i'm tall i don't present feminine in any way #but damn. sometimes you just need a little buddy.

[drunkenlion]

That moment when you come to a point in your life and understand that two old quirky goofy lazy men from your favorite childhood animes are not goofy, quirky and old, but are extremely depressed apathetic young guys overwhelmed by their past?

My childhood comfort shows are not so comforting anymore huh

#in childhood is was like oh spike is so cool it’s like he doesn’t really care about things #and now I’m crying to my therapist asking to fix me and make me feel things #while medicated on mirtazapine #Gintama’s more chill overall #but still kinda triggering #Gintama #cowboy bebop #spike spiegel #sakata gintoki

[yonpote]

tbh more than getting phan at the top ship, i just really wanna kick any harry potter ships out of there like how are people still posting about that.

#ahhh its the art not the artist fic doesnt support jkr #ok fair enough i GUESS but. it sucks being reminded that she sucks every week #it sucks being a trans person and knowing the person who created a property that so deeply affected your childhood life #thinks you have been brainwashed and have damaged your body beyond repair #and thinks your chosen sisters are demon spawn who dont deserve to live #and thinks that none of us should be allowed to exist #and spends time with people who think not only that but that all women don't deserve equal rights #despite having labelled herself as a supposed feminist #and all of this having REAL LIFE POLITICAL CONSEQUENCES for millions of people #so yeah like sorry if fuckin wolfstar triggers me i guess.

[lokislytherin]

powerpuff lookism boys?

im sorry but think about it look at it. they’re the three musketeers. the three stooges. the three idiots. the ride or dies. the homies. dumb dumber and dumbest.

you know what else comes in threes? powerpuff girls.

they could all be blossom buttercup or bubbles at the same time any position works? just imagine

#artists just think about it... #vasco zack and daniel in pink blue and green cheerleader skirts #lookism #daniel park #park hyungseok #zack lee #lee jinsung #vasco #lee euntae #im sorry to ppl who see my big brain lookism ideas #and then have to see this #but in my defense they do kinda fit the powerpuff girls dynamic #disregarding what i said earlier zack is definitely buttercup #the first to Commit Violence if triggered #but also the guy who's most likely to go 'mf why do we have to do this' #emotional babie vasco as bubbles #and current daniel as blossom #powerpuff girls was my childhood #me and my besties also make up a trio and we have the powerpuff girls dynamic #the best trios have the powerpuff girls dynamic (real) #im the blossom friend btw #aka the responsible one who stops bubbles friend from crying #and the impulse control of buttercup friend

[byronicbi]

sometimes i think about the role of horror in my life and how a lot of people attribute trauma and queerness to it and, sure, yeah, you're not incorrect but also i need you to understand that i've always been just a weird fucking kid.

#texts. #i love doing things nowadays that trigger memories from my childhood that make me go 'oooooooh that makes sense actually'

[bit-odd-innit]

Lucas & Eddie is one of the more fascinating dynamics to me because I think there’d be this, like, mutual guilt? And a need to make amends with each other? Eddie for making Lucas feel othered for the crime of Having a Mainstream Interest when his whole Ethos is making people feel included; Lucas for siding with the basketball team after Chrissy’s death and not interrogating that, given all of the everything in Hawkins there might be Something Else At Play Here. Lucas is also the most self assured of his friend group and probably didn’t need Eddie the way Mike and Dustin did, and Eddie probably didn’t know what to do with that? Couldn’t figure out how to Connect with Lucas the way he had with the other two boys and because of that disconnect he (let’s be generous and say inadvertently) drove a wedge between the three of them. But then he does click with Erica, and it’s through his friendship with her he’s able to build something genuine with Lucas. Idk like. The two of them are sensitive and kind and intuitive and put themselves out there for the benefit of their friends and admit when they’re wrong about something and apologize. They have a lot more in common than meets the eye, and I think after everything they finally see that. I also think Eddie gives Lucas one Cancel Hellfire Free Card that Lucas cashes in at the ABSOLUTE more INCONVENIENT time.

#lucas sinclair #eddie munson #stranger things #been in my lucas feelings lately #he's so!!!! him!!!!!!! #i've been wanting to do a no one could love you more followup where eddie gets triggered on the way to lucas's basketball game #and he does NOT take his own advice and he pushes that shit DOWN cause he really really wants to show up for lucas #he didn't make enough of an effort for him before so it's important he does NOW #and lucas realizes how out of it eddie is and thinks it's his fault? but it's NOT it's completely unrelated to UD stuff #and eddie is honest with him like no it's not you i got reminded of something from my shitty childhood nevermind me i'll be fine!!!!! #and lucas has to be like man. you're being stupid. don't hurt yourself more for my sake. #but eddie takes a breather and stays for the game and then steve takes him home and takes care of him :') #someday!

[overmyemptycoffin]

if i had known you then,

when you were aching, sobbing into the floor,

i think i wouldn’t have been able to touch you

blackberry bruises, don’t you deserve better?

but i did too.

being loved is a slippery slope, one minute i think i could hold you back

and then i remember over again that i’m just seven years old in my mind, bleeding on the bathroom floor, bruised so hard to watch.

but here we are, and the bruises healed, the scratches scarred over, and we’re sitting on the edge of a cliff it seems, cringing when anyone passes by too loud.

#me problems #artists on tumblr #poems #sad poetry #poems and quotes #poets on tumblr #spilled ink #tw trauma #childhood #tw abuse #trigger warning #trauma response

[anxiously-going]

New mantras: "My intelligence is not based on people's (perceived) assumptions of my knowledge." And "I have value beyond my intellect."

#screaming into the void #every so often i'm confronted with the knowledge that the adults in my childhood hung my self-worth on my intelligence for me #i was taught that i was naturally smart and given very little to no support beyond #empty encouraging statements and urges to try harder #which has led to an ongoing identity crisis because i'm not actually the hyper intelligent person i was promised id be #learning has become scary because im a failure and a disappointment if its not easy or if i cant 'prove' i know a thing #i wasnt supported beyond being called smart so now i dont know how to support myself in learning #and not feeling smart is inherently triggering #messy thoughts #im struggling to maintian a line of thought just ignore me

[gurorori]

speaking of not having a room in my life ever... don't think it's ever talked abt how much of a deeply traumatic n dehumanising experience that is & i mean that wholeheartedly

everyone our age i know to this day who we grew up with has one, grown up with one since early childhood, had choice in what to surround themselves with in their own space and could have privacy when needed

i sleep in a single bed in a corner, that's all i have. we've always shared a room with 1-3 ppl and it was never a bearable experience growing up, but once you reach your early teens i feel like it just starts being traumatising regardless of environment. i know most of the time it's not anyone's intent to deprive children of personal space, it is most often the result of poverty & inability to give them that but i'm fully convinced you should not be having a child if you can't give them that

maybe my own experience is saturated by other household trauma that this lack of personal space opened us up to but as a whole, i think it's abuse to deny a growing human being their fully own space, as small as it could possibly be, any space at all ... i can't really explain why it's such an important part of growing up but not only do i still feel alienated based on that alone, i also don't feel like i have any right to privacy at all, no place i can just be and do what i want without being watched, judged, commented on or demanded a change (i can't turn the light on/off or close/open the door or windows without input! i can't keep the door closed at all actually bc she will come and open it and ask why i need it closed!)

anyway i just feel like it contributed to our trauma insurmountably and affected our mental health to this day. it feels like yet another puzzle piece in 'normal human development' missing that i will never be able to fill in?

i wonder if there r any studies done on this or any professional opinion on depriving children of personal space & privacy. reading other people's experiences online unanimously seems to imply it immensely fucked up our senses of self n complicated being in touch with our needs

so conclusion i guess. if ya plan on ever having N amount of children PLEASE think realistically if yr able 2 provide em an environment that allows em 2 have all of their needs fulfilled... n that absolutely includes the right to privacy

#srry elo i promise ya didn trigger my childhood flashbacks by a singilar reply (ya did but there is naw hard feelings) #n while i appreciate our partner suggestin wr have separate rooms when we live together it is absolutely in no way the same n not healing #it's missin that essential part of [growin up n bein nurtured WITH this need bein met] dats traumatisin #n yeah i wanna share a room with a partner. 100%. i don wanna have separate rooms with a partner at all however goin from #havin own room 2 sharin yr space w a partner is an entirely diff progression than #havin no space 2 sharin space w yr partner likr yeah i will b happy n comfortable but i am still missin irreplaceable experience..... #mebbe i am bein a lil stubborn. mebbe i shld give the thought a try tho #srry i am reconsiderin things mid-tag rant but hm #mebbe i SHUD have a room i can decorate n have say in even if its in my 20s or 30s. mebbe it'll givr me sum closure n allow me smth inever #gawt 2 experience. idk. #i alwasy feel like whenever i get overwhelmingly sad abt this like im exaggeratin n dramatisin n like im an edgy teen whos like ya don get #me mom i wanna b left alone #but but seein other ppls thoughts on havin grown up this way is so comfortin :[ like yeah we were failed actually