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stoney-siren · 3 years

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May I Have This Dance? PART 1 (Sal Fisher x Gender Nuetral!Reader)

I decided to stray a bit from my usual AOT content and give some attention to the other fandoms I’m in, like Sally Face! :)

Summary: Senior year at Nockfell High is coming to an end, which means prom night it coming up soon. Although usually Sal Fisher is not one for high school get-togethers, he’s been wanting to ask (Y/N) to the dance, though it’s not as easy as most people make it seem. He just doesn’t know how to ask them.

This is the first part, I plan on there being two parts to this fanfic, possibly three.

TW: Swearing, possible mentions of drug use, slight angst?

“Bullshit!” Larry burst into laughter, throwing his head back as he held his stomach. His rather embarrassed friend tensed up at his reaction. “You wanna ask (Y/N) to prom?” He continued to giggle, as his fit of laughter died down.

“Can you try and be quiet? What if your mom hears.. She’s gonna never let it down!” Sal tugged at his pigtails out of nervousness, pacing around the room.

“Come on, who cares? You should ask them!” The taller boy encouraged as he shut the door to his bedroom, turning his attention back to his blue haired buddy.

If only it was that easy, Sal wanted to say, but he just knew Larry would shoot back with something irritating and snarky. So instead, Sal fell back onto one of Larrys beanbags and let out a loud and irritated sigh. His friend soon followed persuit, jumping onto the beanbag that sat beside Sals.

“I just.. Cant. Who would wanna spend prom night with somebody like me anyways?” His self deprication captured Larrys attention faster than the reaction of a mouse on a mouse trap.

“Oh don’t give me that shit Sally dude! Anybody would be lucky to have you, everyone knows it too! You’re caring and funny, quick witted and honestly just somebody everyone wants to have by their side!” Larry exlaimed, though his words fell upon deaf ears.

Sal was too busy just day dreaming about (Y/N), he admired everything about them, the way they laughed, the color of their beautiful eyes, and the pure look of joy that washes over their face whenever he lets them paint his nails or put stickers on his prosthetic.

“Sal? Sally Face! You listening?” Larry called out, finally getting Sals attention.

“Oh, shit, sorry.. No, I’m not.” Sal shook his head and grabbed ahold of his pigtails again, glancing down at the floor and sighing.

Larry hated seeing his friend like this, he was aware of how low Sals confidence could be sometimes, but he’d never dare to point it out in fear of upsetting him or making things worse. He wished he could show Sal what all their friends and himself thought of him, then maybe he’d see himself in a brighter light.

“I think you should head back upstairs and get some rest now, I’ll see you at school tomorrow, alright?” Larry gave Sal a light punch on the shoulder before standing up and walking to the door with him.

“Yeah, alright. See you tomorrow Larry Face.” With that, he shut the door behind himself and headed to the elevator, pausing at the second floor button, thinking of (Y/N) before hitting the fourth floor button.

Your POV

You laid in your bed peacefully, staring up at the ceiling as the light from your lava lamp illuminated the room. The light was your favorite color, lighting up the side of your face as your thoughts raced for the future. Usually on a Sunday night, you’d play your music so loud that Todd would come over from his apartment and tell you to keep it down, but so many things were on your mind that you just didn’t have the energy to start a little fight with Todd.

“Maybe I’ll talk to Ash about it, she always has good advice.” You mumbled as you turned and killed your lava lamps energy. You have had a crush on Sal Fisher since Sophomore year, but you never got the chance to talk about it with him or anyone for that matter.

Letting out a final sigh, you shut your eyes and melted into a world of memories and dreams.

“(Y/N)! Get up dear! You’re gonna be late for school if you don’t!” Your mother called from outside your room, this was how you usually woke up before school. She would always pretend to be in a panic, and tell you that you’re late to try and get you out of bed sooner, though sometimes her act would be real. That’s why you always check the clock in your room to see if she was lying or not.

“It’s 7:30, mom.” You mumbled as you pushed the blankets off yourself, Todd probably wasn’t even here yet to walk with you to school. Since you two both lived on the second floor, you guys have walked to school together since the first day of Freshmen year, then Larry, Ash, and Sal came into the picture and you guys became a team.

“Still, get up!” She called, her voice sounded more further away this time. You knew she wasn’t gonna stop pestering you until you got up. So while pushing the covers off your body, you got to your feet and picked out and outfit for today.

After breakfast, you brushed your teeth just as you heard a knock at the door, and your mom open the door to greet Todd.

“Hi Mrs. (L/N), is (Y/N) ready?” His voice grew louder as you stepped closer to the door and stopped next to your mom.

“Hey Todd, I’m ready!” Giving him a smile, he returned it as he lead you down the hallway and to the elevator. He hit the button as he attempted to make conversation with you.

“So how have your grades been? Excited for the end of the year?” He turned his head to make eye contact with you.

“Yeah I guess, I’m still not completely sure what I want to do once I graduate, but I know I’ll have you and everybody else to go to for support.” You responded in a tired tone, still a bit dazed from just waking up only 10 minutes ago. Todd nodded at your response as the elevator chimed.

The two metal doors slid open to reveal Sal and Larry standing on the other side, they looked ready for school just as much as you and Todd.

“Oh hey!” Larry called, “You two look like shit!” He laughed, Todd grimaced in annoyance while you just rubbed one of your eyes, trying to wake up.

“Yeah well your eyebags got eyebags and I’m sure Sals looking more than tired under that prosthetic.” Todd shot back as he stepped into the elevator, you supposed everyone was up late studying, since Mrs. Packerton always has extremely hard ‘end of the year’ tests. The fact that she’s a cultist makes trying to focus more difficult.

You stepped into the elevator and stood between Todd and Sal, taking notice in how quiet Sal was. It wasn’t unusual for him to not say anything, but a small hello could always be heard from him whenever we saw each other.

“You okay Sally Face? You seem a bit quiet.” Larry seemed to get a kick out of comment since he snickered and nudged Sal with his elbow.

“Yeah, what’s up bud?” Larry questioned in an almost teasing tone, it confused you, but you also knew that Sal and Larry always had their own little inside jokes. Maybe something happened last night while they were studying together, probably something involving Larry’s terrible toilet humor, or maybe they just got high again and completely blew off studying.

“Nothing, just tired.” Thats when you noticed how red Sals ears were, though you didn’t think much of it since you just wanted to get to school and get these seven hours of hell over with.

School never failed to be the same as always, with Travis and his homophobic and just down right ignorant remarks, the lunch food always smelling strange (especially the bologna), and of course messing around in the hallways and during lunch time with some of your favorite people. This time at lunch though you asked to speak with Ashley in private, she and Todd were the best advice givers you knew, but you just didn’t have as much faith in Todd in keeping a secret as you did with Ash.

“Whats up, (Y/N)?” The two of you stood behind the school as you anxiously looked around for any people who could overhear you.

“I, um, I needed some advice. It’s about the prom coming up this week..” You mumbled as Ashley burst into squeals of excitement, smiling widely to you.

“Oh I’m so excited you came to me for help! So you want to ask somebody, right? Who is it? Is it Larry?” She giggled and nudged you, trying her best to get the name out.

“No! It’s Sal!” Not even sure where that little outburst came from, you lifted a hand over your mouth in shock, as Ashley’s face only stretched further into happiness as she grabbed your shoulders.

“Oh I just knew you had a crush on him! You always laugh at all his jokes, and compliment him whenever you get the chance! And if you ask me, I think he might like you too!” That suggestion made your face burn, the thought of Sal actually returning such feelings made your heart warm.

“C- Come on, don’t say that!.. But do you really think that?” Ash nodded in response as she took your hand.

“You have to ask him out! And I know just who can help us.”

#sally face #sal fisher #sal fisher x reader #larry johnson #ashley campbell #todd morrison #x reader

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mypimpademia · 4 years

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Bakugo, Kuroo, and Todoroki w/ a black s/o

Bakugo x reader, Kuroo x reader, Todoroki x reader

TW: Maybe some swearing

Bakugo

Damn does this boy love you

When he first saw you he was immediately attracted because you were different and not some extra that blended in

He wouldn't ever admit that though

And of course he's seen a black person before since his parents are designers and have models of all colors

He also takes extreme pride in you and shows you off almost as much as his quirk

Bakugo also secretly has pictures of all the hair products you use on his phone

So whenever you're about to run out you "miraculously" have another months worth of supplies

He helps you on wash days

Sometimes he does it voluntarily, sometimes he does it because you ask

If your hair is long and you ask him to help you blow it out or anything because your arms are hurting, (because the struggle is fucking real) he'll nag you the whole time about how you need to workout more or train your arms so he doesn't have to help you

"You damn brat, build up some fuckin' endurance so I don't have to waste my time."

He secretly loves helping you though because he loves your hair

If anyone gives you shit or looks at you weird because of your skin you best believe he's gonna try and kill them

If youre ever feeling bad about being different be ready for an extremely upset (in his own loving way?) Bakugo giving you every last reason why you being different is amazing and why you're amazing as a whole

He'll give you lil kisses all over 🥺 what a softie (dont call him a softie though he'll blow a fuse)

Imagine not being in love w him

Couldn't be me😗✌🏾

Kuroo

Another one that loves how different you are

He shows you off whenever he gets a chance

The first time he did it publicly was when he was at an away game

"THATS MY GIRLFRIEND"

Kuroo loves watching you do your hair

But he can't help you with it like Bakugo, because the one time he did you looked at your brush and it was full of perfectly healthy hair clumps

You almost killed him

You're the reason he has no phone storage

"I dont have storage to update Instagram..."

"Delete some pictures, you have too many."

"But I like the pictures I take of you..."

Golden hour pictures are a MUST on daily basis

Like he just loves the way you look in sunlight in general but you golden hour got him feelin some type of way

"Kuroo, I've been in this position for 10 minutes, and the sun is in my eyes."

"Just a few more pictures"

He always talks you into taking more pictures than you said you would

Kuroo knows you cant say no to him, and uses it to his advantage

"You have 20 copies of the exact same picture of me."

"Yeah❤"

Let him know if someone said something to you because of the way you look

This man is on their ass

If it happens in front of him, he'll deadass just stare at them

And its just a regular look, but the fact that he's 6'1 makes it terrifying

As irritating as he may be when he has you sit in the sun for an hour while he takes pictures, or rips out one too many strands of hair, you gotta love him

Todoroki

Its no secret that icyhot boi loves culture

So he's always asking you questions

And if you're willing to answer them or even tell him the history behind it, he'll listen while looking at you like a kid being told a bedtime story

You cant tell me he doesn't let you splurge on hair products while using Endeavors card after he pisses off Todoroki

"Baby, we're going shopping for hair stuff, get a 6 month supply."

"But I just got some the other day-"

"But I have my fathers card."

"And...?"

"And he pissed me off earlier."

Loves seeing you in the sun almost as much as Kuroo

He'll take you out every-other-day during the summer just to see your skin under the sun

Todoroki invited you over to swim once and golden hour hit while you were still in the pool

It was the most beautiful thing he's ever seen

"Wow... you're so beautiful."

From that day on, your contact name was "my god/goddess"

If someone looks at you funny, hes staring holes into their retinas

But if they say something??

Hold him back or someone's going into the hospital w 3rd degree burns and Todorokis gonna be on house arrest

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feel199x · 5 years

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gang!au, gang member!han jisung, florist!reader, underground band!au

chapters: I II III IV V VI VII VIII IX X masterlist

warnings: angst and themes of abuse and trauma

🌸 a/n: i actually finished this fic, and it’ll be up in my queue to post over the weekend! it’s kind of exciting to be finally finishing this fic! a hint for the next chapter is at the end!! hehe

🌸 song rec: arsonist’s lullaby

Your eyelids were still heavy when you awoke. In front of you, though your eyes still blurry you made out a flower vase. You tried to move, suddenly desperate to feel the petals against your fingertips. Even though they were azaleas, petunias, globe amarths, carrot flowers, and asphodels- all dressed in a void black vase. You knew what it meant, you knew what it threatened. But you found your arms sore, propped up and irritated from the handcuffs that hung from the ceiling. As you looked down, your head getting too heavy for your neck to support, you found yourself surrounded eglantines, lemon and peach blossoms, lungworts, phlox, and red rose petals. You couldn’t help but let out a choked sob, your wrists burning, the metal digging into your skin. You arms stayed propped up, but the numb feeling began to spread through your body. You didn’t even look up as he came in, even as he made sure to slam the door shut.

“You know why you’re in here?” You didn’t answer, your voice all used up from crying. You could feel his fingers on your jaw, propping your face up so you could look straight up at him. You couldn’t make his face out completely, your vision blurred but not fading. There were already bruises there you knew, and he pressed down on them further. “Do you? I try so hard to control myself, and here you are, still acting up.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you? I should just leave you here, let you learn your lesson.”

His thumb rested against your chin, looking at you intently- what could almost be mistaken as sympathy. It was deja vu, sitting there like a doll. “But I can’t resist you, can I?” No, you guess he couldn’t. That was the funny thing, right? He couldn’t expect to, how could he resist these primal urges? He talked and talked about nothing, and you were glad that you couldn’t pay attention to his words anyway, mind foggy and complacent. “I even brought you flowers. You didn’t have these in your shop, huh? So I got them. I’m a good husband.”

“Husband?”

“Good thing you’re pretty.” He got up, reaching over you and pulled something off your, well, ring finger. “See that? That cost more than your stupid shop.”

Stupid shop.

He slipped it back on, sitting back down next to you as he continued to talk.

“How long,” you paused, voice weak and raspy, quiet, “has it been?”

He seemed surprised by your question, eyebrows digging into his forehead in sudden anger. He got up and paced around the cramped room, not even bothering to watch him as you stared down at your own clothes- crinkled and dirty. “Why do you care?” he seethed, “I could treat you better than he ever could. A low-level drug dealer and a shitty, amateur rapper. Do you see lover boy here? No, you don’t. ‘Cause he’s dead.”

You let out a small gasp, tears brimming at the corners of your eyes and you looked at him. “What did you do?” you weeped, “Please- please, please tell me what you did.” His pacing came to a stop as he looked at you, face contorted with anger. “I got my co-workers to shoot him and friends dead, that’s what I did. Because you’re mine. Always and forever.”

You didn’t know what was true and what wasn’t- he couldn’t exactly be trusted. You grew impulsive, angry with him. Jisung would never, Jisung could never. He wasn’t that type of person- he could never take advantage of people, he could never keep something like that from of you. And here your captor was, smothering ash over Jisung’s name. But you knew he wasn’t lying about shooting Jisung and his friends, even if you didn’t want to believe it. He had tried the same thing with your family back then too. You felt guilty, at fault like you were the one behind the trigger. Anger bubbled like sparkling in your throat like bubbling water, steaming with impulsivity.

“You should kill me too then. I’d rather rot in the ground next to Jisung than spend another second looking at you.”

You knew your goal should’ve been to play the long game, especially after your failed attempt some time ago. How long has it been? You weren’t sure, there weren’t any windows in the room- and the white painted walls burned into your eyes. If you made him angry now, it would only take longer to gain his trust, but the damage was already done- you could feel the blood pouring out of the back of your head. You might’ve been dying, but you didn’t really care. You couldn’t even feel the pain from the hit from the adrenaline, so you continued to push your luck. Because it was true, Jisung had kept you going, your shop had kept you going. How would you ever be able to look another flower without seeing his face?

“He loved me better than you ever did and he didn’t even ask me to be his lover yet. Lover boy is better than you even dream about.”

It wasn’t like you to speak out of your turn, especially with the looming threat of death. You were too far gone, the warmth of blood streaming down your back. The bruises on your jaw from your grip deepening in color as his grip tightened, yelling some nonsense.

Still, even as he looked into your eyes, his breath hot on you- all you could think about was Jisung. How could you not? Your mind swam through melancholy memories.

You were in his arms tonight. His arms drooped over your shoulder, his head pressed against yours- lips brushing against your jaw as he whispered commentary about the movie you were watching. You were leaning against his chest, feeling his heart beat against your back. Knees propped up as his legs circled around you.

“I love you,” he murmured, “probably more than like, shrek.”

“I would hope so, shrek doesn’t feed you,” you paused, “But I love you too.”

And it was true, but you were unsure of the extent of your infatuation and devotion he was refering to. You wanted to say you were in love with him, but it was too much of a risk. If you scared him off now, who would come by your flower shop to spend time with you? Who would carry you off your bed during the weekends just to go to the convience store. Who would wrap arms and limbs around you and sing you to sleep at night after nightmares, after remembering? Did it even matter? You’ve never felt like this before, the only thing that came close was your devotion was your flowers. Maybe it should’ve scared you, that suddenly there was someone with so much importace to you, on the same level as the only thing that got through the Incident. You turned your head, the side pressed against Jisung’s chest. His arms moved to wrap around you waist, tightening around you. Your nose was touching his, lips only a breath away- but he was crying.

“Jisung,” you said softly, “Why are you crying? You chose this movie.”

“Do you think people in love will always end up together?”

You laced your hands in his, intertwining the both of them. “Of course,” you whispered, “Love finds a way.”

You thought it would happen then, his lips practically on top of yours- but it didn’t. He turned from you, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down- something caught in his throat. “Even if the person lied?”

“I guess it depends on the ‘sung. As long as it wouldn’t change your perception of the person in a way that hurt the relationship too much, I think they could make it.”

“What if it did? What if the person wasn’t as good as you thought they were?”

“Sung, is something going on? You can talk to me, I’ll always be here for you. No matter what.”

“You can’t. I can’t. We can’t.”

“Sung,” You cupped his face, making him look at you. You turned around, and his embrace loosened but remained around your waist. “I love you. You’re my best friend. I love you more than my shop. I promise that I always will, no matter the circumstances. You’re a good person, I know that. I promise, I pinky-promise.” You held up your pinky, and he brushed away his tears wrapping his finger around yours.

You don’t remember exactly what he had said before he left, something about a band dropping out of the club he played at. He had gotten a call and gathered his things almost immediately. You offered to go with him, you always wanted to see him live with his fans but he always refused. He said that it wasn’t your scene, and all grimy- it wasn’t somewhere you should be, not a play for someone pure as you. But you didn’t feel pure and insisted that he was the purer of you two. But it didn’t matter, when Jisung’s mind was set, it was set. He kissed your forehead, and before the door close he wrapped his pinky around yours without another word.

And then Jisung disappeared again.

It wasn’t the first time, but it was one of the longest. The days dragged on, the day having to pull and drag the night up into the sky. Even the sky’s star shined dimly, there only because of obligation. Ever since you started making arrangements back home at your mother’s flower store, you never liked roses much. But now you were starting to understand people’s obsession with them. It was an iconic symbol of love, everyone’s go-to, and you supposed there was a good reason for that. Its smell was sickeningly sweet, and the petals like velvet. You started getting letters in the mail. It happened every day. And even though you were flattered, you began to get worried. Worry arising.

After four months, you finally saw Jisung again. He kept somewhat in contact, but he had been busy. There were two months with complete radio silence, and one night you saw news coverage of shots fired in a car chase. You hadn’t put two and two together then, not even as you saw Jisung slightly limp as he moved around your store. You remember being conflicted about asking him, but as he kept telling you about his stories featuring his group members, you got lost.

That’s the night it all happened.

But before that, way before that. Maybe it really was love at first sight.

After the hose incident, you found Jisung lingering around your store until closing time. He had brought sweets every day for two weeks until you invited him back up to your apartment.

“Thank god,” he groaned, “My grandmother said if it didn’t work this time, she was going to interfere. Jokes on her, though, I’ve been stealing sweets forever.”

You laughed, getting bold after closing the shop and tugging at his wrist as you pulled him up the metal spiral stairs. “I would be more worried about Minho,” you teased, “you’d better not be slacking off during practice or he’ll chew you out.”

“Ew, ugh! Don’t remind me.”

“So, um,” you looked down, “What do you want to do?”

“Can I pick a movie?”

He had chosen a romance movie, you could’ve gone to the theater instead, but he insisted that he would pay you back for the fee- and that going to the theater would never be better than streaming at home. You didn’t mind romance movies, they were fun to watch. But during the less tense parts of the movies, you could feel yourself falling asleep and before you knew it your head was on his shoulder. If you were less sleepy, you would’ve freaked out as he pulled you closer is fingers lightly drawing shapes on your hips. You awoke when you felt Jisung’s chest heave and you looked up to see him crying. It was the first time you saw Jisung cry, and it broke your heart.

“Jisung, are you okay? We can change the movie if it’s too much…”

“No! Sorry, it’s just…”

“It’s just?”

“I don’t think there’s anything more beautiful than love. I’m going to have a love like this one day. And I can’t wait. Thinking about makes me cry.”

You were awake now. Eyes glazed over, still heavy with exhaustion and sleep. The blood down your back had dried now, you could feel your hair all bunched together and sticky with the flaky dried and blood. It was throbbing, pulsing almost- the headache was unbearable. How long has it been? How long would it be? You tried moving your legs, a numb static began to make you grow in discomfort. It was for the better though, because otherwise you would’ve felt the rope digging in and around your ankles. It was hard, you had to press your wrists further against the cuffs in order to help yourself. It was awkward, like a baby learning how to walk. It must’ve been hours when you stood there, the feeling finally returning to your legs. Your arms were relieved with the ability to relax, even if they were in an awkward position. They were still strung up, but at least your upper arm could relax.

The flowers in the room had been replaced, but the petals around you were starting to become crisp and brown. Alstroemerias, altheas, arbutus, red and yellow balsams, Japanese rose, jumpers, and kalmias. It made you shiver with disgust and fear. Where was he getting these flowers? Was he going back to your shop?

You collapsed suddenly, your legs caving in on yourself. Your wrists pulled at harshly as your knees hit the floor. Have you eaten? You couldn’t have, how long has it been? Your stomach began to turn, you were hungry, but that was the least of your worries. Was Jisung really dead? What about his friends, Minho, Chan and everyone else? Were they dead too? How were you to expected to live with yourself, knowing you had brought his misfortune on all of them? If they were alive, how could you expect them to forgive you for the mess you had made? You couldn’t, and you would have to live with the guilt of hurting Jisung for the rest of your life. Because you knew it was dangerous, falling in love with someone knowing that it could be turned against you at any moment- but you did anyway. And now you had dug your own grave. Thoughts were growing difficult to form, the space growing through your coherent thoughts. All you could was feel.

How much time has passed? Months? Weeks? Days? Hours? Minutes? All you knew was white. You could see the walls fill in the spots in your vision. It was irrational, but you began to hate the white painted walls. The lack of color was draining you, except for the vase in front of you. You wanted to kick it, destroy it completely- you wanted to move and release everything- every emotion and irrational thought boiling with impulsivity in your head. The only thought going through your head, getting louder and louder, blocking the diminishing number of coherent thoughts.

Jisung is dead.

You cried, even as dehydrated as you were. Your voice was raspy, and you couldn’t even speak words of comfort to yourself. You couldn’t remember, you couldn’t make them out.”It’s…going….to...be...okay.” Maybe it was pathetic but you were the only one you could lean on. You couldn’t hang on to the hope that someone was going to rescue you, especially if the only people you were dead- or angry because of the mess you had caused.

“Have you learned your lesson?”

You looked up, vision spotty and glazed with tears, and nodded desperately. You were mad at yourself for giving in so easily. “You’re pretty like this, “ he cooed, “All broken down and desperate.” He stroked your hair, fingers getting caught in your bloodied hair. “I bet you’re hungry, hm? I’m not going to let you go, so you’re going to have to let me feed you. I’d hate to have to...well, you know.”

You wish you didn’t.

It felt like you were giving in as you ate, the food dry and difficult to swallow. He sat there for a while. The water he made you drink missed your mouth and streamed down your neck. You sat there, helpless, unable to clean yourself. “What a pretty mess,” he murmured, “What a pretty mouth. Just for me.” You hated him, you did. You hated him like forest fire, like the damage of a natural disaster. He disgusted you, he was disgusting- time and time again, he had taken everything that mattered to you. And he won. You felt pathetic, useless. Jisung was dead, dead and gone and you felt like it was all your fault. It made you shake, your heart thumping against your ribcage, begging to get out.

His phone rang, the ringtone burning in your ear. “Yes… I told you...Just get it...Dead.” He must’ve heard you lean against the metal cuffs, because he got up. He smiled, using his thumb to wipe the water off your lips. You were beginning to panic again, maybe it was a small chance that he was talking about Jisung and stray kids, but any chance was big enough to get worried. Before he closed the door, before you could give a second thought: “Help me take..a bath. Please.” Even with your soft, raspy and broken voice, it was enough to get his attention. Words were getting harder to form, it was getting to harder to even think- but you had to warn them, even if you don’t know what the danger was. Because if the call was about them, some of them were alive- and that meant you could clean up some of your mess, or at least make up for it. He ended the call quickly, uncuffing you. You arms immediately dropped, hands slamming against the floor.

“I knew you would come around. But you’d better behave. I don’t care if I have to hurt you to keep you complacent.” You watched as he pulled at your legs, untying the rope that kept your legs together. You struggled to get up, so he opted to carry you, throwing you over his back. It hurt your eyes to be flooded with color as he carried you to the bathroom. The bath ran and you sat in the warm water, he was watching you as he sat on the toilet cover. The feeling was returning to your body as the water in the filling bathtub lapped against you. “Help...me.” You didn’t want him to touch you, you never wanted to feel his fingers brush against your bare skin. You didn’t trust him, and you never would. Especially not after he did, or tried to do with Jisung. But more than anger, you felt guilt. It was overwhelming, contradictory feelings making your head spin even more. You shuddered as you felt the soap against your back.

“I missed you,” he murmured, “I’ve been searching for you for so long, waited for you so long.”

You swallowed hard, biting your lip as he continued. “I watched you for months. I wanted to take you and carry you away in the night, but I wanted to make him watch. He needed to know you were mine.” You felt hot water pour over your head, the bathtub becoming decorated in a red tint. “I almost gave up, I thought I had lost you completely. But then I saw you with lover boy. I wanted to kill him right there, I wanted to kill everyone but you. He gave a good fight though, beat the shit out of me. But guess who’s dead and who’s got the love?” He laughed at that, massaging something into your hair and picking at the flecks. You felt your wound burn and you moved to cover it, but he slapped your hand away. “Me. I won. You’re all mine, and if I ever see him again. I’ll kill everyone. I’m the only one who loves, okay? Not Jisung, not anyone else. You’re mine.” You heard him murmur that again and again. “I love you, you’re mine, mine.” You brought your knees to your chest, glad that the water hid the fact that you were crying. He didn’t push you to get up though, at least he was that decent. You watched as the red water swirled down the drain. He left and brought a towel, and your dress was clean and pressed. He sat on the toilet cover again, watching in case you wanted to pull something again.

This time you walked, content with being able to feel your weight shift as you walked. You knew this feeling, what it felt like to be completely devoid of basic powers. He led you back to the room, watching the phone in his back pocket. As you entered the room, you took an interest in the flowers. They were beautiful, despite what they meant. It was the only color in the white void of a room, and it mocked you. Your fingers caressed the petals, and the smell was haunting. Your heart was beating again, and you did your best to keep your face blank.

“Aren’t they nice? I got them just for you. You don’t even know what they mean, do you?

“No...tell me.”

“Nah. It’s a secret just for me.”

He moved to set up your ties again, and you got up, legs wobbling with a slight shake as your grip around the black vase tightened. It was now or never. It didn’t happen in slow motion- you knew that wasn’t possible. But you watched as the vase shattered against the back of his head, falling, bursting into tiny pieces as the flowers fell to his feet and he toppled. You knew there was no way he would be down for long, so you fished the phone out of his pockets. You panicked as you ran around the large house, searching for a room to hide in the meanwhile. His phone was locked, but you saw the screen unlock as you typed in your anniversary. You didn’t know where you were, a random room with various boxes. You slide the closet door open, met with the smell of mothballs but you entered anyway. There was a lot of stuff, and you piled things on top of you as you typed Jisung’s number.

It fell to voicemail, and you felt tears well up in your eyes.

“Jisung….it’s me….don’t have time, please...he’s send..ing...someone. Be safe..please...I’m in love.... with you. I’m sorry.”

You ended the call, typing in the emergency number.

“What’s your emergency?”

“I’m trapped...abducted.”

“Do you know where you are?”

“No.”

“Okay, stay calm okay? Please stay on the line as long as you can.”

“Can’t..he’s coming. Oh god, I’m as good...as dead.”

“Can you tell me his name please?”

“_____”

“____, as in the gang leader?”

“Yes.”

“I need you to stay on the line okay. Do you remember where you last were?”

“Boseong, my shop...flower shop..mirror.”

You heard the door slam open and the closet door slide open with a large creak.

“Sweetheart? Are you still there? Sweetheart, stay on the line. Is he in the room-?”

“Caught.”

azaleas: fragility

petunias: your prescense soothes me

globe amaranths: immortality, unfading love

carrot flowers: do not refuse me

asphodel in a black vase: death threat

eglatines: i wound to heal

lemon blossom: fidelity in love

peach blossom: i am your captive

lungworts: thou art my life

phlox: our souls are united, unanimity

alstroemerias: devotion

altheas: consumed by love

arbutus: love only for you

red balsams: touch me not, impatient resolve

yellow balsams: impatience

japanese rose: beauty is your only attraction

jumpers: asylum, aid, protection

kalmias: treachery

#stray kids #stray kids fanfic #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #skz fic #skz han jisung #skz fluff #skz angst #stray kids han #stray kids han jisung #han jisung #han jisung fanfic #han jisung imagine #han jisung imagines

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scaryscarecrows · 5 years

Text

Roots and Leaves, Pt. 8

All done!

“-son. Master Jason.”

Fuck, Alfred’s dead? The end is extremely fucking nigh.

But, if he’s going to be selfish (which got him into this, you’d think he’d learn)…at least he has company in…wherever this is.

His hands still hurt, though, which he finds very unfair.

“You are no better at feigning unconsciousness than you were at fifteen, sir.”

He’s not tryin’ to…

Why does Death look like his old bedroom. Is this some sorta ‘ease into it’ area?

“There you are.”

“Alfie?”

Alfred hasn’t changed one bit. Jason will bet that his mustache hasn’t even grown, or shed a hair, or anything.

“How are you-”

Alfred.

He hugs him and he hasn’t changed, not one goddamn bit. Alfred hugs him back, one hand cupping his neck and the other moving firmly up and down his spine. Alfred’s here, everything’s gonna be okay, at least for another minute…

The hand on his spine moves and his head’s tilted up with a soft, “Oh, my boy.”

It’s over. Any dignity he had is gone. He presses his face against Alfred’s chest (fabric softener Earl Grey home) and doesn’t even try to pretend he’s not crying. He’s never been able to keep anything from Alfred anyway.

“M’sorry.”

“Oh, my boy,” Alfred says again, and those sturdy hands press against his head and neck. “There is nothing to apologise for.”

He tries to take a few deep breaths, to get himself under control for fuck’s sake, and can’t. He can’t do it anymore.

But Alfred is a literal saint, and he doesn’t try to coax him to talk or to sit up or to do anything at all, even after his jacket must be soaked through. He just sits there, marginally more slumped than he usually is, and rubs a hand in slow, steady circles over Jason’s shoulders.

At some point, he senses a presence in the doorway, but before he can straighten up it’s gone again and now, without that motivation, it’s easier to just stay here where it’s safe and warm.

He eventually runs out of tears but his face is now wet and swollen and hot. His nose feels like it’s swollen shut and he’s been reduced to careful, thought-out breaths that rattle in his throat and burn in his chest. Sitting up is too much work.

Alfred props him up anyway and rubs a cool washcloth over his face before letting him take it and hold it against his now-puffy eyelids.

“That’s it, Master Jason.” If Bruce is Sherlock Holmes, then Alfred is Watson. They don’t deserve him. “That’s it. Deep breaths, there we are.”

“M’sorry, Alfie,” he forces out, voice strangled. “M’sorry-”

“That’s enough of that.”

“But-”

“I won’t hear any more of that.” Oh, boy. That’s the ‘you’re on thin ice and should just shut up’ voice. Even now, it’s scary and he doesn’t have the courage to go against it.

A straw presses against his lips-limeade-and Alfred continues, a little gentler now, “I cannot imagine that you purposefully buried yourself for any reason, Master Jason. Am I correct?”

He laughs. He can’t help it. It sounds so nice put like that.

“No. No, I…I didn’t. I didn’t.” He is not going to start crying again. He refuses. Sheila flashes behind his eyes, blonde and blue and red, and he presses the washcloth down hard enough to hurt. “I…she s-said. She said she was out. Sh-she said she was out, Alfred, I thought…just once…”

“From the beginning, Master Jason.” Calm, but making it very clear that he doesn’t have a choice. “Who is ‘she’?”

He swallows, knows he’s imagining something squirming at the back of his throat. Alfred waits.

“Sheila Haywood,” he finally whispers. “I…Bruce’s files…she might have been my mother.”

He doesn’t have to look to know Alfred’s got that little frown between his eyebrows, the one that says he’s deeply upset. Jason presses the washcloth tighter against his eyes, sparking colors, and his wrist is tugged at until the colors die off.

“I just…she approached me, Alfie, I swear, I didn’t…I just thought…” He swallows again, forces himself to let the washcloth fall to his lap. “M’tired of bein’ second choice, Alfred.”

He doesn’t have time to brace himself before he’s pulled back down and somehow…folded…so that he’s tucked against Alfred’s chest like he’s thirteen again and still fits.

“Jason Peter Todd,” Aw, shit. “you have never been second choice, do you understand?”

But…

Look. He’s very well aware that he wouldn’t be here if Dick hadn’t had that fallout with Bruce. And oh, boy, has he ever learned the Joys of Being the Second Child-‘Dick did this’, ‘Dick did that’, and on and on and on. He’s come to terms with that fact, it’s fine, whatever.

But arguing that point (or any point) with Alfred is a Bad Idea.

And. And he’s here, now, because Bruce…Bruce came to pick him up, when he asked. So. That means something, doesn’t it?

His head hurts.

Alfred sighs at his non-answer but lets it go for the time being.

“What happened with Miss Haywood?”

He’s not moving. He’s staying right here until this is all over.

“Some moron tried to hold up the grocery store…”

* * *

Jason feigns sleep for the rest of the day, until Bruce is out on patrol. Sneaking past the Batman isn’t impossible, but it’s definitely hard and with his hands almost completely useless, well…

The last thing he wants or needs is a lecture on Trust and Rushing Into Things and Dammit, Jason, This is What Got You Captured by the Joker. He knows that, thanks, Bruce.

(And yeah, okay, he knows lectures are Bruce’s way of saying I Love You, but some people swear a punch to the face is an I Love You, so.)

Sneaking past Alfred, on the other hand…now that really is impossible.

He’s halfway down the stairs when there’s an irritated, “A-HEM,” from behind him. Crap.

“I was thirsty?”

Alfred gets this expression that Jason will swear means he’s envisioning smacking him upside the head with a rolled-up newspaper. Yeah. Okay. Game’s up.

“I just…I need some time,” he says, eyes fixed on a knot in the wooden banister. “I can’t face him, Alfred, not now.”

Not for a long time, probably. Not without a massive blow-up on both sides and it’s better if no one else is around to be caught in that crossfire.

And besides. Right now, he just…his apartment may be kinda crappy, but it’s not haunted by a stupid kid who swore up and down that

“Being Robin gives me magic!”

“This is the best day of my life.”

There’s too many ghosts in this house.

Alfred comes forward and pats his shoulder.

“At least permit me to provide you with a few easy-to-reheat meals.”

“I’m okay-”

“Humor an old man.”

That is a trap. That is a trap, it’s just better to nod and neither protest or nor agree. And he’s got time, before Bruce gets back.

“Thanks, Alfred.”

“Hm.”

He’s ushered towards the kitchen. It hasn’t changed a bit-still homey and warm and with those same comfy stools by the counter. He remembers having after-school snacks there and chattering a mile a minute about ‘so Mister Pierce set his desk on fire in chemistry and it was so cool I gotta try that y’think B’ll let me-?’

“If I hear one word about you being out before those hands have healed, there is no power on Heaven or Earth that will spare you, is that clear?”

He believes. He believes.

“Yeah.”

“Good.” An icebox appears out of nowhere. “Do you need a ride?”

“No, I, uh…I called an Uber. I didn’t think I could drive.”

“Wise choice.” Alfred sets the icebox down and grips Jason’s arms. “You will always have a home with us, Master Jason. Remember that.”

He is not going to start crying again. He is not.

“Thanks, Alfred.”

* * *

The Uber guy is more interested in his radio than in Jason and that’s just fine. It means he’s not going to pester him, which means that he can twist around to watch Wayne Manor shrink into the distance through back window.

When he gets home, he opens his e-mail. Nothing new, but Sheila’s are still there. He deletes most of them.

But.

He can’t. Even now, after everything, he can’t bring himself to hate her. Not really.

He moves the remaining few to his ‘save it’ folder, where he won’t open them by mistake, and goes outside for a cigarette. Lighting it’s a pain, and there’s a few minutes that he’s terrified that he’s going to light the bandages on his hands on fire, but he manages it, in the end, and leans on the railing to watch the cars go by below.

In another unit, he can hear Mz. Melinda May cackling and a handful elderly voices swearing and demanding she be thrown out. Maybe he’ll go over there tomorrow, make sure she hasn’t downloaded a crap-ton of computer viruses again. (And yeah, okay, he wants to know about the yelling.)

There’s a sudden movement in the shadows across the street and he goes inside, turns on the TV. He’s halfway through an episode of Chopped when a red bar pops up on the bottom saying, Batman recaptures Harley Quinn, more at eleven.

A knot in his chest he didn’t realize was there loosens up and he pulls his blanket tighter around his shoulders.

“Thanks, B.”

THE END

#Jason Todd #Alfred Pennyworth #none of us deserve Alfred #DC'd better not kill him or I will burn their offices to the ground #Roots and Leaves

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royalprinceroman · 5 years

Text

Long winded personal post, feel free to scroll

I've always wondered why I felt different to the world around me. Growing up, I wasn't particularly smarter or prettier than other people. I was average. I got average grades and did average things. But I always felt so distant to the world around me. People would cry at movies and I didn't (the only exception was seven year old me crying at the end of Titanic); people would keep grudges and I didn't; people would talk about others behind their back and I didn't. People always asked me how I didn't stay mad at others and honestly, I have no answer. I just didn't.

My dad would always ask me when I was gonna get a boyfriend. I realized I was gay when I first heard the definition of the word "gay" at 14 (I was a very sheltered child) and I would always tell him "I dont know. I dont really like boys." And he would respond "One day you will. And you'll have a cute little girl like you were when you were a baby." its been nearly 15 years, 4 serious relationships later, and the most happiest I've been is not with a man. But even then, people ask me "Are you in love? Do you want to get married?" As much as I know my current partner means the absolute world to me, the word "love" is really confusing. I dont honestly know how it feels. Like my other 3 serious relationships had some kind of mental and physical abuse so i wasn't sure what i felt with them. Was it love? I never got the butterflies or warmth in my chest like everyone says it feels like. I dont get that for my current partner either. But there is one thing I've always been able to gauge how much someone means to me:

If they left my life.

If I think about that with my current partner, I immediately begin to sob and it physically feels like my chest is going to break open. I begin to shake and tremble and break. It's not healthy but thats how I react.

My most recent ex? Leaving him was fine. No feelings at all. I didn't cry or cheer. I just said goodbye and now I barely talk to him anymore which is fine because he was an asshole to not only me but some of my best friends too.

Back to my father, I know he loves me and I have familial love for him too but he's very irritating. After getting with my current partner, he lamented that he will never have grandchildren (because I'm with a female bodied partner and my brother is probably aro/ace) and he constantly asks me where he went wrong and why I dont want kids. I've never said I dont want kids. Never have. I'm pretty sure I've said more often that I dont think I'm qualified for kids. Which I dont think means I dont want them. But it feels like all he wants out of me is to be his normal. Have kids, stay the same. I cant even color my hair without him being like "it was pretty as it was" over and over again. He'll compliment me but say it was prettier before. He wants me to dress more like a girl but I prefer gender neutral things even though I'm cisgender. I dont mind being female. I've never thought I was male but like if I cut my hair and someone thought I was a dude then they did you know? Like I honestly dont care what gender you think I am. Does that make me genderfluid/queer and not cis? I dont know. I dont want to label myself something unnecessarily.

I've been told too many times that "you're perfectly normal so stop making up things to make yourself different; you just wanna belong somewhere" so I've gotten to the point that while ADHD matches me to a damn T a lot of the times, I dont say I have it because i dont know if i do like... doctorally. My therapist thought I did but we couldn't confirm bc I couldn't keep going to see her. So yeah.

What's the point of this post? I dont know. The other night my partner and I were walking our dog (well more their dog than mine) Lola and in the city we live in there isn't much light pollution so you can see some stars. Looking at them gave me a sense of dread. I'm so small. So insignificant in a lot of ways. My impact on this earth doesn't really do anything. Learning to let people love and care about me has been difficult because I don't understand why they do. "Because you're you" who am i????? Who am i???? Seriously. I dont know who I am anymore. Or did i even know to begin with?? I get up, work a stupid job, go home, and sleep. I'm boring, annoy so many people with my problems, and just feel so... stupid all the time.

I want to make friends but at 28 years old I dont know how to talk to people. I'm so afraid of offending them I just stay at home. In my own mind. Scared of myself and any decisions I might have to make.

Most people have friends or at least acquaintances. They have a sense of self. I dont have that.

I wanted to be better this year. I wanted 2019 to be the year I understand myself but the more I think about it the more I'm afraid I won't. I'm afraid nothing will last. Because in the grand scheme of things what does it really matter?

#amanda speaks #long post #not ts #im sorry this is very stupid #im just so tired

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goddamned-catnapped · 7 years

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Personal rant-- Long af just ignore this pls

Ok so like i have a highly dysfunctional family-- my dad works out of my country but he never pays anything for us; not even school/college fees for me and my sis and so on. My mother also used to work outside and used to give the whole fam financial support but now she's retired. Mom and Dad haven't talked to each other for over 20 days. Mom has a stress facture in her ankle and has trouble walking. She also once fainted at her workplace but Dad still doesn't care. Dad has never done anything for us yet he says he loves us and so on and moreover he used to ask mom for money now and then. My relatives aren't nice either-- my mom has three sisters out of which she's the eldest one and the second probably doesnt even know we exist and ive never seen her and she's out somewhere in libya and the third is very selfish and has a lot of pride and the last fourth one is a fucking bitch-- always cynical and backbites and shit. My grandmother is also selfish and arrogant and does not let a week pass by without creating problems. I think I have depression-- no i KNOW i have depression and that's not because ive had the symptoms for just a week-- ive been like this for over 3 years or more. Moreover I cut myself first when I was 11 and even now people tend to think we are just following an internet trend. I also know I have depersonalization-derealization disorder because I have the symptoms. I wasnt able to tell my mother that i even had depression so i made my sis tell her (she found out by accident because she saw my scars) and my mother didnt really talk to me about it and instead took my symptoms (headaches & mood swings + hypersomnia; sis didnt go into much detail) as something that was not related to my mental disorder and said "Change yourself". I had stayed away from my family for over two and a half years to study alone with my grandmother and my fourth aunt and they are very toxic kind of people-- they remain nice and suddenly stab you with knives out of nowhere. I've suffered a lot because of them and because of the toxic classmates I had in 10th grade-- I made no friends there. i cant tell my mom because she already worries too much. But she sometimes screams at me if i make a small mistake and cusses and takes out the anger and frustration of other people on me. I always thought that we are a family so who would we scream at if not at each other-- understanding and shit you know. But when I feel suffocated and so fucking horrible inside i dont tell that to anyone so if I get even slightly irritated-- my mom cannot tolerate that either. She's a very meticulous person so I try to live up to her expectations and sometimes I really wish she'd at least say "well done". It really hurts honestly. It hurts a lot. I didnt want to burden her with my problems so I never said anything. She always talks about how she has suffered and what not. If she was bring irritated with me (which is very often), and i told her to not cause too many problems because I already deal with a lot She'd say-- (no she HAS actually already told me)-- What "problems" do you even have huh? Honestly, I try to keep up with this family. But I just really want to die. I dont know why my family has to be like this. I have friends now and I am a senior and all my friends always talk about stories about the funny moments theyve had with their parents and what not while I have none. I always keep a straight face when mom tells me about how awful dad is. It really hurts because our relationships are so strained that it makes me want to cry when I see other people's parents loving their kids and having a happy family overall. I dont even remember the last time we all sat together and laughed. I always help people but even now I dont know how to ask for help. These past years all I have done is cry behind locked doors, put on fake smiles and cut myself almost every single day. When I look at myself in the mirror, I don't recognize myself and I don't feel like I am me or I am my own person. "So this is how I look like to other people" is the first thought that comes to mind. Because I was so alone I made online friends but most of them were toxic too and its amazing how I have not killed myself yet. I dont like how my face looks and maybe I am the only one who is not happy with her skin color. I know it shouldnt bother me but I am slightly chubby, have acne (almost no one in my class has that) and I am brown. I try to think positively but it feels so fake and i get even more frustrated with myself. When i cut myself i (almost never) bleed but it leaves scars that takes months to heal even small scratches but even now my left arm is slightly discolored. My mom wants dad to provide us with financial support and so she tells us to indirectly take out the money from him like some sort of a politician. Why. Is this how the relations in a family work? I have to act like i am not affected by any of this because i dont want to make problems for my mother. But neither does she have time for me nor does she care enough. You know, I would live on streets and have diseases if that meant that I would have someone who would understand me. Even from when I was young, my sister was in another country and mom and dad were almost always out for work and i would be left with my maids. I have never had anyone to emotionally connect with. I really want to help and even though I am so talkative-- the words that are important to say never come out. When I talk to people, I don't recognize my voice and if I do, it feels very fake and i dont even like the words coming out of my mouth. I have become so mentally unstable that I became so hostile to an extent that I was about to attack my mother and thought to just kill her right then and there and the next day while she was talking to me, i just thought "this was the person i wanted to kill huh?" and that really scared me. I have never felt any love from my mom's side and have never emotionally connected with her so at this point I don't know how it feels to have a mother or a father. It's the same as being an orphan for me. Even surrounded by people, I feel alone. I hate that I cant say something simple like "I am in pain and I want you to help me". Whenever I get really angry or frustrated, if I dont cut myself, I either dont eat or I just become very violent with myself. I think maybe I just tend to introspect a lot (if thats what its called). When i finally did tell someone (a net friend) that i had depression, he just said 'you dont have depression' and when i was trying to console his friend and just told him that yanno i had depression but shit happens so you shouldnt feel so down and stuff, he (not his friend) made a group with me and my sister and said that i wanted attention so i keep telling everyone that i had depression. It was a long time ago but i still remember all of it. I remember how my mother slapped me once so hard that my cheek turned blue when it wasnt even my fault. I remember she was hitting me with some pole for something I had not done. Once she even told me "why did i even give birth to you" when she wanted me to just check out a dress and show it to her and dad and i just had a straight face on and that annoyed her cuz it looked gloomy or my annoyed face and shit. It has always been easier for her to tell others she is suffering and to scream at me and call me a bitch and other things whenever she feels like and wants to. She has never said sorry to me and almost all the times i have kept quite and i never told her about how i had felt like shit and wanted to cry and had suicidal thoughts almost all the time. All I have been made to feel is that its my fault and i have even tried to stand up for myself but no one ever listens to me or cares at all. Even now presently i am hiding my tears for some fucking dumbass reason that I dont want my mom to see it because if i tell her to leave me alone she will not listen. When i get like this and feel suffocated, I avoid eye contact because it would feel so intrusive if someone looked at me straight in the eye and found out all my deepest dark secrets. I am not the positive, helpful, happy, funny, talkative friend/person that I show to others because its all just a facade to hide the fact that i am actually a very pessimistic and cold type of person. I know i would have the coldest eyes if I ever showed that self. I envy people who are happy and have happy lives and I despise and hate so much that I want the people who hurt me to suffer so much that theyd want to die. And some times i hate everyone and want them all to die. At this point i dont care if my family dies because it feels as if they are just some people i know. My mother has just become an annoying roommate who demands more respect than is to be given to the average person is all. I dont feel like i have any relation with my father. Me and my sister's relationship is the "so close yet so far away". Yes, I am trash and an overall disgusting person who can never be as good as others nor be able to give others happiness or make things better for anyone and cant do anything except create more problems for everyone and cant help but sometimes be too nice to people so much so that i get hurt and so i become a little too cruel which again fills me with guilt and there is no in-between. I really just want to kill myself because maybe it'll do someone some good and if not.. then its still fine, I wouldnt care because I would be dead by then anyway.

#dysfunctional family #mental instability #mental disorder #sad #personal #family #self harm #suicide #tw suicide #tw self harm #depression #text #text post

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unproduciblesmackdown · 7 years

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s2g that moss has even been foreshadowing that lars was gonna get briefly killed like…not that specific but since we’re shown that the moss is lars and the flowers have a bit of gem in them…………

ppl are always weird about stuff everywhere smh but like…theres been obviously weird things like being way more ok with ancient beings ready to destroy all life on the planet than lars being too ill-tempered or doing something selfish like…i see that…. like lars doesnt need to be redeemed for anything jeez. every episode where he does something crap its on a minor scale vs like endangering lives or something and he gets k.o’d for it and then makes some sincere form of apology like? theres your redemption…i guess maybe people expect him to become acceptable overnight maybe but thats how people work and then every episode is like The Lesson of the Week instead of a closer look at a character and another step in their development as people figuring themselves out

like literally every character has issues smh! in like this and everything also but like….honestly lars has been a super self conscious and anxious teen from the start and really unhappy and like sometimes he does dumbass shit but who hasnt. if you think youve never hurt people you havent been paying close enough attention

anyways one of the things i really dont like? despite general overall stuff like teenaged lars momentarily losing his patience and realizing he’s in the wrong and immediately trying to make amends = him being judged more harshly than like….every millenia-old actually murderous actual antagonist introduced…. is that overall? its like really really clear really early on that he’s always struggling with a lot of mental health issues, and a common theme is irl people who really do have disorders pointing this out. like, that point can be made for every character in su and lars isnt The Mentally Ill One who alone represents the whole of the universal mental illness experience because obviously that doesnt exist and its a very unique and personal experience, and people dont have to directly relate to lars or any other character with such problems to verify their own. but lars and the cool kids is like super upfront about anxiety and he obv has really low confidence and low self worth and i’ll fight anytime about island adventure hinting strongly at depression—in addition to having him state outright that he feels lonely and isolated all the time. and like, he hates the job he works all the time, he’s not good in school, he and sadie feel an early connection but they obviously had to do a lot of work on that and step on each other’s emotional fingers along the way to finally get to where they are now—which i’m guessing is dating but without acknowledging so or at least not to others, he isn’t very close to his parents currently, he starts the series with 1.5 friends maximum and cant even approach the cool kids besides being desperate to be friends with them

like clearly he’s unhappy and for a while sadie and steven are probably the people closest to him even tho he is a lot more annoyed by steven at the start of things when steven is more little-kiddish than he is now…..but lars still acts mostly like himself around them But at the start him and sadie have too many complications and uncertainties to be really comfortable and again steven doesnt really come across as very mature, with lars pointing it out just now how stevens changed in that way, and it being difficult anyways for lars to confide in anybody

so like lars is and has always been super super defined and restricted by his fear of everybody he encounters, specifically being afraid of being hurt by them / fear of being disliked. i like to say that i think the way he prevents himself / his image is meant to be a way of controlling the reactions he expects people to have: i.e. making people dislike him is less scary/painful than being judged badly while hoping for the opposite. but i also never like saying that anyone who consciously cultivates their Look is faker than someone who doesnt put any thought into it, or is lying to themselves or others or whatever, i just would bet thats a part of it. but moreso than that, the fact that he’s irritable and ill-tempered all the time fits really well as a result of being so unhappy and afraid and trying to deal with it solo. it’s not about him not caring about people, when on an unrelated note but related-to-the-universal-human-experience he does something thoughtless or mean or just generally crosses a line, he notices immediately when someone feels hurt, and he’s shown to immediately feel bad, arguably to a fault and going too far with how guilty he feels. but anyways clearly even though he has the capacity to hurt people’s feelings, he’s very sensitive to that, he cares deeply when it happens, and he doesn’t want to hurt people. like apologizing with any genuine depth to it right off is an incredibly difficult task even for grownass adults, and lars is already really good at it. its wild that people think of him as super cruel and selfish when it’s clear that he’s very emotionally vulnerable and doesn’t have the capacity to callously disregard other people’s hurt feelings

anyways a point i’m taking a really long time to come around to is that lars is a really good example of someone who’s young and unhappy and isolated and really struggling with a lot of things and afraid of everything and the fact is that usually when youre looking for characters who are struggling with this kind of shit you get one-dimensional, maybe even one-episode characters like the person who shows up for the very special episode where everyone has a serious talk and learns a serious lesson and the Depression Character never shows up again, having gone off to be depressed somewhere else since we already know about depressed people. or depression and anxiety is something that can be solved literally overnight if you just confront the root cause, like eliminating the life problem that made x depressed or giving y a makeover or throwing them a surprise party to show them they have friends or something. or you learn that joe the bully is actually just physically violent because he is insecure, whoa man. or the Sad Kid is a running joke and a periphery character and their parents are getting divorced etc etc etc etc

the point is that lars is a main character and even when he learns things about himself that put him in a better place than when the episode began, his issues still don’t vanish (and i wouldnt be surprised if people use that as evidence that his character doesnt “grow”). and dealing with / revealing some of his issues arent a special episode, its just an episode, and its about him. he’s developed over and over and he’s shown to be a complicated person. he’s shown to enjoy things and have interests and a life. he’s a regular character as much as anyone else is, he isnt set aside in a special category

but the thing is that maybe people expect Mentally Ill™ characters to be more of the hamfisted media clichés with zero nuance and about as much accuracy to them? because there’s always the sweet-and-soft kind of person who’s surely dealing with mental illness acceptably because they make up for it by being pure and noble and something approximately like a newborn lamb. like depression is being maybe a bit cagey and avoidant and crying a lot and writing poetry (which will later be revealed as their secret talent!!) and sighing and generally just waiting for someone to approach them, very gently because they are shy and nervous like a fawn, and that savior will cure them with love and also with showing them how beautiful life is!!! and then they will start wearing more colorful clothes and they will be happy and the depression is over now, because someone just had to show their delicate, beautifully wounded soul the light

trauma? you can tell someone has Trauma because they act very stoic and strong 1000% of the time no exceptions but it is just a façade. they will never talk about The Thing. they will finally talk about the thing because someone pries about it with pure intentions and it is a big dramafest and theyve never talked about this before and everyone cries and its super serious and heavy and the person is a bit softer after that because they could finally let it out that one time. thanks, another savior. having disorders is just having turned away from the light

the point is that irl obviously things are very different and its rare to see people with such issues being treated the same as any other character and being able to grow in a realistic way and being able to have flaws the way that everyone else does, not having to be a pure defenseless dewy-eyed baby kitten who someone strong and Normal needs to rescue and put on the right path away from these problems forever. being pissed off and frustrated and confused but trying a lot of different ways to figure things out anyways is a lot more common, the way lars reacts to and deals with his vulnerability is a lot more realistic than just being a fairy-tale in-distress type figure. his character feels a million times more like he was developed by people who understand what its like to be experiencing what he does and developed for people who can relate to him, rather than being made by and for people who cant directly relate and who tend to make content thats wholly inaccurate and treats that kind of thing like an Other issue for Others that you only need to learn bullet points about because if its going to be a part of your life it’ll be a fleeting, one-time thing, not your everyday reality

i mean, its unsurprising that lars is actually pretty comfortable with steven now, given how long theyve known each other, but also how relentless steven is in being supportive of lars and treating him like a friend. its not surprising that it took lars this long to accept that, or that it was in part forced along by being stuck in a “we might die” scenario with steven. and its important to point out that this wasn’t just lars changing that made their relationship better, but steven growing as a person as well. if you put both if them in that situation during the start of the series, they could probably get along better than usual still, but you cant say that this is the first sign of lars developing any more than you can say this is stevens first development. lars has been struggling with himself just as steven has, although not in a fate-of-the-world way till now. lars couldnt be so conscious of his own fear and frustrated with it, and steven wouldnt have the maturity to do stuff like freakin sacrifice himself for earth by separating himself from the other crystal gems, much less lend lars the emotional support needed to give lars enough confidence to protect the off-colors

lars has been developing the whole time and even if people look at individual episodes and think lars learns nothing during them, i cant see how anyone could deny that this isn’t a turning point for lars as much as its the culmination of a gradual path he’s already been on. not to mention that “turning point” has implications like “redemption arc,” as if lars was inherently bad or worthless at the start of the series. he wasn’t; none of the characters were, but each character and all of their relationships were least developed of course. we see details and different sides of the donuts right away, and they both care enough about steven to treat him more as a little brother than a customer and to humor him sometimes. theyve always been important, and the fact that lars has always been a main character in the set of protagonists and that steven has always been a friend means that he cannot be converted by a “redemption” arc. he’s already there smh he’s always been there. seriously name one episode where he’s done something shitty and didnt do anything to make up for it. the only thing unresolved rn is he couldnt fight topaz for sadie, and he said himself he felt guilty over it, and it was already at that point the boldest thing he’d done and like, its not that unreasonable for a wisp of a teen to be terrified by a giant gem warrior that he had zero chance of doing anything to anyways. it wasnt glistening heroics but if thats gonna condemn lars like throw me in the pit too i guess. then he went and died for twelve individuals and left himself defenseless in hostile unfamiliar territory so that steven can go back to earth so thats something. but before all this alien drama like, again…..he’s always directly apologizing for shit and he’s just making everyday kinds of fuckups. he beats himself up about stuff. and gets beat up. and really like doesnt ever require an apology when he’s the one to get hurt, which isnt a requirement by any means and which is probably part of him thinking too badly of himself

the point? that maybe i still havent made besides saying i was gonna make it like half a dozen times?? is that lars is a really real portrayal of a person dealing with things in a real way. and its not the “pain is transcendent” thing where if someone is Suffering from mental illness it makes them wiser and kinder and holier than us regular people. its not where all you need to help someone with mental illness is one incidence of reaching out and telling them you love them and look at the stars and isnt it lovely. its not where disorders themselves are an arc and at the end, people’s personalities will be indistinguishable from that of those who never experienced what they did. its where dealing with this shit is normal and human and everyday and its not beautiful and its not gonna make other people “inspired” or get to feel good about themselves as your savior. its about pushing people away or having them avoid you anyways because they can hurt you in ways they can’t understand as being hurtful and shits confusing and sometimes kids will lash out and i bet lars was a lot more Difficult closer to stevens age than he is now. its about characteristics that seem ugly or repulsive or otherwise don’t directly cry out for help. its about shit staying with you even while you’re trying to figure out how to work through it. its about the unpleasantness of it all but also the real humanity behind it, not just using it as some device. lars’s problems are about lars and belong to him

and yeah of course he hurts people, but literally all the characters do; it has nothing to do with having disorders or not. everyone hurts each other even though they love each other, sometimes with the best intentions or 0% knowingly because they just have to figure out more things about themselves and each other. everything is about people making mistakes. lars is no worse in that matter than any of the other characters, he just happens to have a less appealing/inviting personality, god forbid less relatable. in the recent episodes he didnt have his usual defensive abrasiveness, even his frustration with steven in “stuck together” wasn’t that significant, and wasnt even much directed at steven. after that he was just scared, without it being masked by anger. he could be brave for the other gems because he knew he wanted to be brave and he knew how it felt for them to be so afraid and he was finally told that it was an okay thing that he still felt terrified. he could be completely himself with steven because of all the ways steven has gotten to know lars and refused to stop valuing him and how steven has grown to be someone who could protect others on his own in serious situations—which in this case included supporting lars emotionally as well as protecting him physically. if lars was dropped in that situation with the kid who just learned to summon his shield and was having an ice cream crisis five minutes ago, he couldnt trust or rely on him or count on him for encouraging advice. the way lars is in the wanted arc being so different from earlier episodes is as much about stevens development as lars’s really

like the real lars is and always has been deeply sensitive to peoples feelings (to the point he feels extremely vulnerable to them e.g. afraid of being hurt by being regarded negatively) and he’s always cared about the people he feels close to and he’s always been capable of moments of bravery for the sake of others and he likes wrestling and he’s good at cooking and he’s a dumbass sometimes and he watches scary movies and plays video games and sucks at school and is grumpy and is passionate and is scared and is a huge nerd with nerd parents and he never got over feeling hurt by the explorer club incident and he doesnt like fries and he and his coworker like each other and relate to each other and he sees steven as his annoying little brother and he doesnt know what he wants and also he’s a bi icon, it must be exhausting

lars has always been good and complex and i might be willing to forgive my slight disappointment in people realizing he’s good only now if and only if they go back and acknowledge that he’s been good this whole time. like obviously he doesn’t have to be your Fave or even “liked” to just be not hated or to be recognized as a complex, solid character. lars is so, so developed, probably more than any other human. he’s always been important, even before his importance had direct cosmic significance. he’s always shown signs of being thoughtful and caring and soft, and the fact that he’s hurt people he cares about and who care about him isnt evidence that he’s bad, not only because of the fact that literally all the Good characters hurt each other, but because irl hurting people you love isnt even necessarily evidence of a failure, its just an inevitability, and what happens following the event is whats a lot more telling than the fact any negative emotions were ever a part of a good relationship

anyways what’s definitely true is that lars didnt need to die. it wasnt a necessary atonement for anything lars has ever done. he didnt and doesnt need to be redeemed. he just was willing to risk his life for gems in a situation he could immediately relate to, and that risk happened to win out momentarily. besides, what lars was overcoming in that situation was his own fear, it wasnt anything that caused the stuff in the past that people seem to think so badly of him for. he was also protecting steven, sure, but steven was pretty much fine by the end of it coz of his shield. but he also hadnt ever really Not protected steven or anything so he didnt really need to make up for that or whatever

also one more thing ive always meant to bring up is that lars doesnt think much of himself and is prone to being too hard on himself but i know there are probably plenty of people who believe him when he says he needs to “deserve” being alive again. nah!!!! lars always deserved it

#i havent rambled this long about lars in a minute sorry #as usual i lose track of the point i was saying and everything probably switches gears at some point but im just out here thinking these #essays in the back of my head so #Lars Was Always Good and is a great character #even having disappeared a lot he's been developed a ton #long post ////:

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kookno · 7 years

Text

70 horrible questions tag

i was tagged by @btees ❤ thanku bab

01: do you have a good relationship with your parents? i have a really good relationship with my parents. My dad and i are more best friends, whereas my mom and i are more a classical mom/daughter relationship. So its different, but good.

02: who did you last say “i love you” to? victoria @flowercrownyoongi <3

03: do you regret anything? uhhh yeah there are some things i could probably do better if i had the chance to do it again. But i dont really like to have regrets, because everything u do has a purpose and shapes you, i am the way i am today bcs of mistakes and errors so

04: are you insecure? im generally quite confident, but ofc i have my moments as well

05: what is your relationship status? very single, and would very much prefer for it to stay that way, i dont do relationships

06: how do you want to die? peacefully, when im old. Preferrably never. (if ur a vamp hmu)

07: what did you last eat? chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream

08: played any sports? HAH [ god laughs in the background ], the only sport i do seriously is alpine skiing. Other than that nou. 09: do you bite your nails? no

10: when was your last physical fight? never dude. I only fight in the existential metaphorical sense.

11: do you like someone? machiavelli will always have my heart 12: have you ever stayed up 48 hours? no i prefer to stay alive

13: do you hate anyone at the moment? not hate. Have a great distaste towards yes.

14: do you miss someone? not very, jst someone i havent seen in a small while that i always like to meet up w. but im seeing her today. All is good.

15: have any pets? nah mate

16: how exactly are you feeling at the moment? fairly content

17: ever made out in the bathroom? havent made out period. Prefer to keep my tounge in my mouth. Other ppls tounges in their mouths. Mouths are great at that.

18: are you scared of spiders? ye s. insects in general

19: would you go back in time if you were given the chance? no only if it was for a brief period of time (bcs im curious about the past), but i much prefer this time

20: where was the last place you snogged someone? never jesus

21: what are your plans for this weekend? party today, celebratory grad dinner tomorrow

22: do you want to have kids? how many? none. Maybe one.. M ay b e. depends.

23: do you have piercings? how many? just my ears

24: what is/are/were your best subject(s)? norwegian, english, chinese, philosophy, religion, social studies, marketing & leadership

25: do you miss anyone from your past? n ah

26: what are you craving right now? chocolate milk

27: have you ever broken someone’s heart? uhyeah. Good couple of times.

28: have you ever been cheated on? no one has ever had the opportunity. U kno that meme, no one can cheat on u if ur just never in a relationship. See im an intellectual

29: have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? never had one;)

30: what’s irritating you right now? that im stressing over a thing i should not b stressing abt and i know it

31: does somebody love you? yeah, i think im fairly loved?? Idk. I love myself alot at least. So thats a win

32: what is your favourite color? midnight blue

33: do you have trust issues? yes im the: trust no one not even yourself meme . im not That bad just a lil

34: who/what was your last dream about? my dreams are on fukcing crack i dont even understand them while i have them

35: who was the last person you cried in front of? uhhhhhhhhhhhh i mean i cry when i laugh but im assuming that doesnt count. I think last time i cried in front of someone was a funeral almost two years ago

36: do you give out second chances too easily? i dont give out second chances. Im a very tolerant person but when u cross the line u cross the line and after that,.. no

37: is it easier to forgive or forget? forgive, dont forget

38: is this year the best year of your life? i think so . im older so im even more independent. Im getting to do alot of cool things, thru work etc. in general i feel more on top of the world. So yeah its been good for now at least

39: how old were you when you had your first kiss? like i kissed a girl in third grade but idk if that counts

40: have you ever walked outside completely naked? dude no

51: favourite food? italian pizza

52: do you believe everything happens for a reason? the world is random and meaningless the only ones designating value are ourselves.

53: what is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? im currently reading a book on the first month of the first world war.. so i read that

54: is cheating ever okay? no. Relationship is a commitment. If u cant commit then dont be in a relationship

55: are you mean? not at my core. I think i can accidentally be mean bcs im a bit brash and sometimes a bit overpowering idk. But im p soft (victoria dont read this i never wrote this)

56: how many people have you fist fought? none

57: do you believe in true love? no. There r some ppl you get along with. Some people you chose to commit more with. But one tru love bish good luck w that

58: favourite weather? sunny. Warm but with a mild wind 59: do you like the snow? its ok for like a couple of days but after a month ur tired. I like it because i can go alpine skiing.

60: do you wanna get married? platonically mayb

61: is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? as long as its platonic i dont mind

62: what makes you happy? feeling productive, reading a good book / fic, having an interesting deep discussion with someone, sitting on the bus listening to music, painting, wearing a new outfit, my friends, bts, finding new good tv shows, learning

63: would you change your name? nah im kinda attached to my name, even though helene doesnt really work in english so i use helen. But i like my name and in english i sound like the tru soccermom i really am. Or the old lady. Im both.

64: would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? the girl i kissed in 3rd grade? I mean.. sure i could kiss her again it wouldnt really mean much

65: your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? ok so ive been thru similar scenarios so i will base this on a real life account: tell them i dont feel the same way abt them. Say im flattered but no. Done.

66: do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? uhhh idk im mostly.. myself?? So yeah

67: who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? my dad?

68: who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? my dad

69: do you believe in soulmates? i think there are people who you just have really really good chemistry with, so if you can combine commitment with that, then i think you’re getting somewhere

70: is there anyone you would die for? nnno. But thats because im terrified of dying. not because i dont love people alot. Dying is my biggest fear. i tag: @flowercrownyoongi @jiminder @jeongokus @taesflower @cuteguk @lil-nenesy @9395x @fylloma ❤

#u dont have to do ths if you dont want to ofc!#this was a journey #helen does stuff #taggytagg

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spartalabouche · 7 years

Note

(all for both skylar and kitty, or whichever you prefer to answer it for) 1-3, 5-12, 14-19, 21-26,28-38,40,42-50

OK i did ALL OF IT

1.What is your OC’s favorite color?

kitty likes red skylar likes purple

2.Does your OC collect anything? What do they collect?

kitty collects rocks! skylar collects Literally Anything given to him hes a bit of a hoarder but only when it comes to gifts. he cant bring himself to get rid of anything given to him

3.What kind of things is your OC allergic to?

kitty is mildly allergic to oranges. skylar isnt allergic to anything

5 already answered

6.What’s your OC’s favorite animal? Least favorite?

skylar loves any and all cats (including kitty(;3)) but tigers are his favourite. kitty likes bears

7.What element would your OC be?

skylar would be. water i think? i think kitty would be earth? but idk.

8.What is your OC’s theme song?

idk lmao i dont do theme songs

9.Do you have a faceclaim / voiceclaim for your OC?

been meaning to find some but i havent yet. i should get on that

10.What deadly sin would best represent your OC?

skylar i think would be envy. kitty maybe..wrath? i dont think that fits too much but its the best out of the seven.

11.What are your OC’s hobbies?

skylar likes to sew, kitty likes to cook

12.How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they?

skylar is very patient. but maybe a little past patient to being just kind of a pushover. but he is very patient. kitty is a little less patient but i wouldnt say shes hot headed? shes a little irritable the days around the full moon but other than that shes pretty ok

15. If your OC could have any pet, what would they choose? Why?

kitty would like a lizard! she just thinks theyre cool. skylar wants a cat.

16.What does your OC smell like?

skylar smells like... warm. like warmth has a smell and thats what he smells like. kitty smells like fruit shampoo

17.How do they make a living? What kind of job do they want / not want? What is their dream job? What do they think of their current job?

theyre both highschoolers n dont have jobs but skylar wants to be a nurse. kitty isnt sure what she wants to do n thinking about it scares her a lil

18.What are your OC’s greatest fears? Weaknesses? Strengths?

skylar is terrified of being alone, its the reason he was in his situation before he met kitty in the first place. he will do anything for you if he thinks you will leave him if he doesnt obey.

kitty is terrified of hurting the people close to her, mostly after when she attacked skylar bc of the blood moon bs. after a few more moons they figured out what the deal was but shes still afraid that something could happen and she could attack someone again without warning. before that.. im not sure? i havent thought much about that

19.What kind of music do they listen to? Do they have a favorite song?

skylar likes sufjan stevens n things similar, kitty likes the ready set n things similar

21 already answered

22.What kind of student were they/would they be in high school?

when hes with the right people skylar is a vry good student but before he met kitty he was in the principals office a lot and his grades dropped bc he was so exhausted emotionally from being w the ppl he was friends with and it took a toll on his mental health and his ability to focus and slash or care about school.

kitty is a good student in the classes that can keep her attention (usually science and history) but she has a real tough time if shes not Really Interested in whatever shes supposed to be learning, it just doesnt stick with her well. attitude wise tho shes a good student. she doesnt get into trouble unless the trouble finds her first and then shes too stubborn to back down lol

23.What is a random fact about your OC?

...........i cant think of a random fact that isnt already mentioned lmao

24.What is their outlook on life? What is their philosophy / what do they think in general about living?

skylar is pretty depressed and negative about His life but very positive abt others? if that makes sense? he thinks everyone has a reason to live and deserves to live. kitty is p much the same but shes not depressed rlly. shes pretty positive all around.

25.What inspired you to create them / how did you create them? Were they originally a fancharacter? What was their personality / design like when you first made them?

WELL. a looong while back i wrote a vent fic about dave like getting the shit beat out oif him or whatever. and skylar was one of the bg characters. he was very remorseful but didnt do anything to help dave or apologize and was just like.. in the bg for no reason? but then i was like i kinda....wanna do more with this guy. so i kinda like made an alternate ending to what i had where skylar helped dave after instead of leavin him where he was. and then i got attached lmfao.

kitty was made specifically for skylar! for a long while i thought skylar would always be like. a stand alone character it just felt rlly weird giving him a second Permenant character that wasnt terrible for him and then one day i was like WELL.....what if.......this Girl and then kitty was created

26.Who is the most important person in their life? Why? Who is the least important to them (that still has an impact and why?

skylar and kitty are each others Most Important Person. kitty brought skylar out of a dark place and skylar is kittys rock when she gets overwhelmed or breaks down. theyre good for each other. best friends.

there is not a single person however that is not important to skylar he cares abt everyones opinions all the time. kitty tho.. theres someone but im not sure?? who exactly? havent gotten into that or anything.

28 answered

29.If they could choose their epitaph for their grave, what would they choose?

man idk. skylar is too scared of death to think about it and kitty just doesnt thing much abt it

30.Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why?

kitty would like to get married, shes indifferent about kids. skylar would like to get married and have at least one child !

31.What is their most traumatic memory/experience? What is their favorite memory?

most traumatic.. for skylar probably . being kind of forced to hurt people?? not necessarily forced by other ppl but forced by himself ofc. but it was still traumatic.

kitty... im not sure. she hasnt really had any traumatic experiences so aside from attacking skylar which she could only remember bits and pieces of anyway idk !

33.Would they ever kill someone? What would someone have to do to push them to kill someone? If they would kill someone, why?

kitty could kill someone accidentally during a blood moon or if she was pushed too far in a non blood moon Wolf time she could probably kill someone but she definitely wouldnt mean to if she was coherent. shes a little more irritable during wolf times (i think i already mentioned that in this or the other one but) and if she gets too angry the wolf in her comes out a little more and she gets violent. shell only mean to maim but miiight go a little too far. hasnt happened yet though and she is determined to be sure it never happens.

skylar however. after like a year of hurting people hes sort of. learnt to dissociate in the process of it to cope. so if he was also pushed far enough, but like, thatd take more than wolfy kitty. like to the point of his family (including kitty) being seriously hurt or threatened seriously he could sorta. snap and have at it. and he could accidentally kill them. really unlikely though.

34.What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually?

skylar tends to avoid social groups for long periods of time and if he is w a social group hes pretty quiet and will mostly just talk to kitty between her conversations with other people. uhh id go a little more in depth about how kitty interacts with people but i.. do not go to social groups and interact enough to see how an extrovert.. would interact with other people. at least i dont kno enough abt how theyd interact to be decisive abt it. sorry lol

35.How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories?

skylar is def worried most of the time. he overthinks things especially when asked to do something, like hell overthink whether or not he did whatever thing correctly and overthink every little detail he worries a lot.

kitty likes to day dream! she likes to talk to skylar about her daydreams a lot n shell be able to go on for like an hour about whatever shes thinking about and skylar just likes to listen to her and she doesnt need him to participate a super lot just like. Listening makes her happy. shes got a lotta thoughts all the time

36.What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain?

skylar wants Approval and praise. not like in a selfish way like i did this thing for u so i Deserve your praise and affection for it or whatever but just. its a dpd thing. he Needs it

kitty is... difficult. i really dont have her wants slash needs as fleshed out as skylars which is bad of me :\ i need to get on that.

37.What’s something that your character does, that other people don’t normally do?

well kitty stims she likes to flap her hands and stuff but i think thats still pretty common. idk if skylar really does anything that other people dont do?? shrugs

38.What would your character do with a million dollars?

skylar would probably save it lol. kitty would impulse buy a shit ton of things at once until skylar was like wAIAt WHAT ARE U DOING and make her Calm Down

40 already answered

42.Does your character have any scars? Where did they get them from?

skylar has scars on his cheeks, back of his arms, his shoulderish area and on his chest from kitty attacking him.

43.What was the most offensive thing your character had ever said?

skylars probably accidentally said a bunch of offensive shit being a Straight Cis White Boy but idk specifics man. kitty always corrects him tho and he does better hes tryin

44 answered

45.If your character was given a slice of pineapple pizza and they HAD to eat it (or something bad would happen), how would they react? Do they even LIKE pineapple pizza?

skylar probably doesnt mind pineapple pizza? its not his favourite but hed be fine with it but kitty thinks pineapple pizza is the most Disgustng thing on earth. she would rather Die.

46.Your character is given a voodoo doll of themself. What do they do with it? Do they see if it actually works?

kitty would probably curiously mess with it a little but skylar would be too paranoid to touch it lol

47.Can your character draw? What do they like to draw? Do they doodle?

kitty likes to draw furries because she is an Actual Living Furry but skylar doesnt draw much more than like. ur average bored doodling.

48.What were their parents like? How has that affected how they are as an adult?

well theyre both still teenagers but kittys parents have always been very supportive of her. they kno shes bisexual and she hasnt brought up bein partially nonbinary just because she doesnt want to yet and theres nothing they Need to know about that yet but theyd be supportive of that too. shes got really good parents

skylars dad was not a very good person, not like physically abusive or anything but he was a toxic person and he is no longer in skylars life. his mom however! is a very nice person. shes rlly patient with skylar nd was especially when he was in that rlly bad place and was getting into trouble a lot. she knew there was something going on

49.Does your character like candy? Do they get sugar rushes? What are they like when they get a rush?

skylar likes chocolate and kitty likes.. like all candy. i dont think sugar rushes are.. a real thing??? lmao but itd just be kitty when shes excited. skylar doesnt get sugar rushes

50.If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count?

skylar is pretty afraid of death but i dont think hed try to fight it. hed probably isolate himself from anyone that wasnt his mom or kitty

kitty would probably kind of just hide it like not tell anyone if it was possible. shes like. the moderate amount of afraid of death n i think if there were ways she could try to avoid it that would at least Extend her time a little she would definitely do that as much as possible but if she knows there wont be much she can do she wont waste too much time with it. shed just make the time she has count

#oc info #DONE!!!!!#WOW #took like THREE HOURS jdhfgh im sorry lmfao #bring-us-back-light #alarm bark

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bwicblog · 7 years

Text

RS: / in dreadful news / i am sick / and am going to miss the third opening of daybreak as a result /

RS: / if anyone feels so kindly / as to make themselves useful / please share your folk remedies /

RS: / unless they involve alcohol / i have already tried that /

ID: ...i always heard that you were just supposed to rest through sickness. but i don't think that's a folk remedy.

RS: / well / that seems a marvelous way to stay sick /

ID: does it? i just figured that resting heals wounds. sickness is like a wound right. well, uh. eat a lot? give yourself the energy you need to. not be sick?

RS: / oh / i don't know / why don't you go ask sipara / ? / i'm sure she'd know / RS: / and / haha / i think we can open the floor to other remedies again / i was thinking more / mm / RS: / gargle with coconut milk mixed with pepper sauce / and you will be fine / ? /

ID: sips is busy with traffic i think. but i think i'm probably right-ish.

ID: if your throat is sore i don't think. irritating it with pepper sauce is a good move. wouldn't that just make it hurt more? =:?

RS: / right / ish /

RS: / and / yes / it turned out it did / but it also cleared the / cavity / ? / the snout chasm / y

RS: / the interior tubing /

RS: / ? /

ID: ...you gonna be okay there?

ID: maybe you should now have something cool. to soothe the damage.

DD: oh dear thats very unfortunate are you sure you have to miss the screening i mean also it is unfortunate that you are sick but DD: it is a common remedy so my apologies if you have obviously already tried it but have you tried pressing the tendrils of an eight-tendriled aquatic beakbeast to your throat i find it often helps with clearing up the soreness and swelling though admittedly the resulting circular marks are not the most attractive but they can be covered up with a scarf or choker easily

RS: / you know / the / جَيْب صُدْغيّ / RS: / i am fine / it cleared that / mostly / so / it was worth it / mostly / RS: / i have been consuming water / it's fine / you can't actually burn yourself / i am sure / RS: / / / i have not / but / oh / hm /

RS: / how does that work / ="? /

RS: / =:? /

ID: ...i do not know what that is. and i don't think daz would know either.

ID: and also. uh. daz we don't have aquatic beakbeasts just. on hand. that's a pretty impossible remedy i think.

DD: that is correct i am afraid i cannot read that word and i am still not quite up and about yet so my glasses cannot translate for me DD: and well i didnt want to make assumptions about rs and his location i am sure they are highly prevalent in any seaside locales any pharmaceutical establishment worth their salt must have some

RS: / well / i don't recall it / either form / the interior tubing system / ? /

RS: / well / whatever / you get the gist / RS: / i could find one / thank you / ! / =:) / but / please explain further /

RS: / they live in water / and there are crabs here / so i expect there should be aquatic beakbeasts / ? /

ID: is it like. a special variety of beakbeast. or any of them?

DD: oh um i know the ones i usually might use but i am not sure if maybe the same ones that you should on account of differences in constitution???

DD: try finding a colorful one but like not too colorful and especially not blue i think maybe the blue ones would hurt more than they help

DD: and i think many places have both crabs and aquatic beakbeasts or just one or just the other but chances are that you can probably find one they are not especially uncommon

DD: im sorry im afraid i am not entirely certain about how fragile lowbloods are

ID: ...i for some reason don't think this is such a good idea. what works for seadweller throats might not work for a maroon.

RS: / my apologies / i was temporarily indisposed /

RS: / and / ah / RS: / constitution differences are a touch over played / but / ah / not to cast doubts on your judgment / but /

RS: / aren't the coloured ones deadly /

RS: / ? / it seems unsafe for you to place them on your air passing channel / =:C /

RS: / perhaps if you place it on your wrist / instead / ? /

DD: well i mean they are not all deadly but i mean thats why i said maybe dont get the very colorful ones the degree of colorfulness generally correlates pretty wel lto how poisonous they are but it is the poison that in small quantities helps reduce the illness i think as well as of course the physical stimulation to reduce swelling

DD: and i mean i think probably if you put it on your wrist it wouldnt really do anything unless i guess your wrist is sick

ID: ...maybe you should just try some hot bone broth instead pheres.

RS: / ah / yes / my apologies / dd / but I believe I am a little too / mm / frail of constitution right now / to go out and fetch an octopi / and i don't expect anyone would retrieve one for me / haha / ! /

RS: / but / thank you ever so much / for your explanations / and your attempt to help / it is deeply appreciated / =:) /

DD: oh um youre really super welcome i am just sad that it did not end up being especially helpful and im really sorry that youre feeling that unwell do you think you will be alright i mean maybe i can order a drone or something for delivery if you want

DD: in that i am pretty sure i cant retrieve an aquatic beakbeast for you but maybe a drone can bring some cough syrup or trollbuprofen or something

ID: whoa there, getting fancy with the whole actual medicine stuff now.

RS: / haha / nooo / but thank you / i have been advised against taking drugs from strangers on the internet /

RS: / but /

RS: / the sentiment is endearing /

RS: / besides / i have work to do / i cannot do work if i am asleep / which is what those will do '

RS: /

ID: what sort of work? it can't be. put off for a night so you can recover? =:/

DD: oh dear when you put it that way it sounds a lot more alarming

RS: / but never mind that / that is enough about me / how are you both tonight / ? /

RS: /// the statement on the very top was a joke / by the way / i am aware i forgot an emoticon / but / please trust that i am laughing / in a friendly way /

DD: but also in this case i think i am probably in agreement with hads in that he said earlier that you should probably rest it might not fix you but it will speed up the recovery process and also probably you will feel less awful DD: and yes dont worry haha i understand or i mean i do now at least i was not entirely certain earlier but at least fifty percent certain

DD: i am also not doing especially well mostly due to also physical reasons but i am optimistic about things improving if i just power through this for a little bit and also i am going to get orange juice later like prisma suggested to cheer myself up

ID: also get one of those vibrating bracelet alarms while you're out.

ID: also this is your alarm telling you to eat if you haven't already.

ID: ...i'm doing. stuck in a truck with sips. playing with the radio.

DD: oh right you mentioned that i DD: admittedly am not entirely sure where to find one and i might order it online instead and hope that it arrives in a timely manner DD: also why are you stuck in a truck

#c:dazzle #c:hadean #c:pheres

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deadly-vuu · 7 years

Photo

February Faves

Function of Beauty - I know this might seem gimmicky to some, I certainly thought so myself but I followed it for a bit and kept up with reviews. I dont make “resolutions” since I always think theyre super cheesy and lame. BUT since Id face some hardships over the last few years I thought Id...make one to start taking better care of myself. I frequently dye my hair so it’s really been quite damaged and most shampoos, even salon level many were not meeting all 5 of the things I need, just rather focuses on just the one thing. >[ I took the leap and got a smol set and it took a week or so to get to me which was fine. Ofc I got pink but I did give this a shot and I LOVE IT. I use very little to cover a lot of hair (its v long) and my hair felt AMAZING. I also follow wash once a week regimen to keep the color in a bit longer...and it was v soft, healthy, not oily for once and kept the scent even! I am VERY happy with these, I will be buying more in the future. { My Picture } $ Is varying, depends on what you’re getting. Worth it? Yes.

My BKR - Another thing I was following and stalking for quite some time. Checking out the reviews and considering my resolution. Ive always been actively trying to drink my 8 cups of water a day. They are a bit on the pricier side but not only are they cute AS FUCK, but they ARE glass and much more environmentally friendly. No icky BPA and constantly recycling plastic bottles. Also, no irritating crunching of plastic bottles! I am ALWAYS reaching for this, I take it everywhere with me. I’m glad I jumped on this train honestly. { My Picture } $28 Worth it? Yes.

Burts Bees Peach+Willowbark Wipes - I use the grapefruit ones normally to remove my makeup, and I love those very much. But sometimes I have extra tough makeup and I need a good exfoliation without doing a mask or facial cleanser. These are wonderful and they smell amazing too. $6 Worth it? Yes.

ELF Cosmetics Daily Brush Cleaner - UM WHAT THE HECK. This was UNEXPECTEDLY amazing. So amazing, I’m embarrassed I got to it LATE! This lil bottle, yes its little, but DOES WONDERFUL at cleaning my brushes! And it smells very fresh and clean - leaves my brushes almost immediately dry so if I wanted to use them a while later in the same day I definitely could. I was using a gel soap that left my brushes with no scent (which was fine) but too damp to re-use in the same day, I had to go use other brushes if I needed to do another look. Not with this lil bottle! Omg SO glad I got to it. $3 Worth it? Yes.

Loreal Infallible Pro Glow (208) - So admittedly I was late getting to this one too and watching a lot of people use it and hearing such positive things I decided I’d give this a shot rather than running to ulta and grabbing another Tarte Amazonian Clay Foundation. Turns out, I’m super diggin’ on this. Easy to apply, easy to blend, easy to clean off my face and brushes. Despite the “glow” on the title, it will matte down which I like. They do have a matte version of this that I will try when I’m done with this for comparison’s sake but for now this is getting the job. $12 Worth it? Yes.

Lush Cosmetics Cupcake - Welp. Idek what to say about my obsession with Lush. I’m a hoe for Lush. Esp when free hah. Forever I was saying, and still am, that I was trying to steer away from products that were not self preserving but its free so why would I bitch? I knew its a damn good product, its always sold out and Ive heard and read all the reviews. So now, because I got 2, my boyfriends sister and I now have mask+tea nights. We have tried this mask twice and have discovered it is indeed everything everyone has hyped it up to be. We’re soft, exfoliated and smellin’ like chocolate. Only downside: our dog thought we were strangers and barked at us lmao. It is messy applying and while drying it flakes a bit - no biggie tho. $10 Worth it? Yes.

Lush Cosmetics Prince Charming - ITS PINK. OK. ITS PINK. Thats one of the biggest reasons why I got this. BECAUSE PINK. I love pink and its soap and it smells fresh and clean. Turns out, I love it like I knew I would. It is LE though, AFAIK so go grab it before its gone. P sure its a Valentines thing like some of their bath bombs. $10 - $35 Worth it? Yes.

Bite Beauty Agave Lip Balm - Like Lush, I am a hoe for lip balms and butters. I have many, and cant stop. I love the aesthetic of this product as well as the scent (like cake!). Its application is smooth and definitely helped my poor lips overnight while I slept. I tend to wear these types of products most when I’m sleeping since I’m not eating or drinking things in my sleep so it does the most when its left alone. I generally wake up with nice fresh and healthy non-chapped or cracked lips. Its a p nice way to start the day honestly. $18 Worth it? Yes

Lush Cosmetics Rub Rub Rub - I got a sample of this recently and I actually REALLY love it. I don’t use this in the shower, but normally once or twice a day if I do both my face cleanser and my nightly mask. It makes my hands sooooo silky smooth I’m obsessed. I will absolutely get a pot of this! $22 Worth it? Yes.

Lush Cosmetics Rock Star Soap - Another sample piece that I had originally put aside to try at a later date, I decided I’d just try it and get it out of the way. Well, I accidentally fell in love with it. It smells amazing and makes my skin super soft, you know, like soap lol. $7.95 Worth it? Yes.

Oh Nos!

ELF Cosmetics Pink Diamonds Highlighter - Alright. Idk where this got effed up. I got this product because many people said it was amazing, including one of my faves, Jeffree Star. (FFS it won against a really expensive highlighter!!!) But when I tried it, it wasnt shit. Nothing! I tried with my fingers and 2 brushes! NOTHING!! Im ok with it being $4 so its not that big of a loss but like ??? Im let down lmao $4 Worth it? No.

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