#but the demon is simply his younger self. happier | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vegalocity · 3 years

Note

Happier version of Tripsun, time travel nonsense where LMK Sun Wukong meets post-journey Sanzang with General 6?

Dialogue starters

6. “Have you been taking care of yourself?”

ah hell yeah

Every time he’d be allowed to share moments like this with his former Master, Sun Wukong would say to himself that he could never forget how at ease he could feel. How warm his chest was and the faint sweet shivers that would crawl up his spine and make his fur fluff out could never fade.

And yet every time it was allotted to him again it felt like new.

Perhaps because of how long it had been since their journey, but those random times his Monkeys would inform him someone was nearing the mountain, and when he’d poke his head out in bird form and see that golden light, made his gut jolt and heat to flood his face and neck as though he were some adolescent with a crush.

Of course he’d roll out the welcome wagon (just modest enough that Tang Sanzang wouldn’t chide him for being a showoff even after everything, but could easily be passed off as his Monkeys being as excited as he was to welcome the monk back to the island) and lay out as much food as he could get away with without again, his master scolding him for extravagance and sparing him only a few small knowing smiles over the feast of mountain fruits.

And they’d catch up of course, over food, over tea, and then just sitting somewhere pretty, His master would extoll him the stories of his new students, comparing and contrasting them to his first merry band of disciples (usually a coy smile hidden beneath a sleeve as he said someone or another was just as hard to handle at first as he had been) but a strikingly proud gleam in his smile as he praised students he wouldn’t dare speak aloud to their faces to avoid the building of ego) And Wukong would extoll the current drama of his monkeys and how this or that dispute was brought to him over plums or some other such simple yet silly thing. Truly the stories he had left to tell weren’t near as extravagant as the battles he once went on five hundred years ago, but his master always responded to the comings and goings of Flower Fruit Mountain with as much interest and immersion as he would the mightiest of battles.

And then came the moments when the stories finally ran dry and the two were allowed to simply be in eachothers presence, usually spent meditating on his master’s part while Wukong simply lounged about or read or just sat quietly with his master, enjoying the company in a way the outside world had grown far too bright and fast and loud for.

But this visit was different.

He’d woken up on the mountain, which was strange granted they were li upon li away (Kilometers, they use kilometers now) and his Monkeys were rushing up to him shrieking in fear and panic, hooting and hollering and demanding his attention to an assumed intruder.

He’d been suspicious of course, he’d anticipated anything, the calabash, an illusion, something that would REALLY need his truth seeing eyes (using them had started giving him wicked headaches; his power was so close to gone) but the golden light had already faded when he came outside, ready to fight-

And his eyes fell upon a familiar figure on the sandy shore.

And then he could only hope this was an illusion, as the idea of somehow being transported back home right in time for Master to put himself so close to the danger of the Lady Bone Demon again made his hackles rise. So despite the pounding headache that started the second he summoned the power he gazed around them with golden eyes, gliding over his master’s buzzing cicada wings, his monkeys peering at him curiously, and focusing his gaze to the city-

-where there was neither the silhouette of the skull nor the grid-like patterns of an illusion’s edge. Nor even the city itself.

There was a town, sure, but not a city. A town that had been in the… sixteen hundreds or so? About a century after he’d sealed the Demon Bull King away and dropped in on master to tell him he was considering retiring, that he’d be on his mountain if he needed him, and he was always welcome if he wanted to visit.

And about a century after that, Tang Sanzang had taken him up on the offer. And there he was.

This was the first visit. The throbbing pain in his head proclaimed this as not a dream, the golden vision proclaimed this not an illusion or a trick. This simply… had happened. He had replaced his (slightly) younger self for a time, and this was where he was. The first time.

Maybe this wasn’t for him so much as it was for the others, being given a past version of himself with his powers still in tact, Maybe his past self could protect them all in a way he no longer could.

His monkeys were giving the monk a wide berth and he watched him look around, normally serene expression slightly crumpled as he looked for a path up the mountain. At this point he could easily appear there with a flick of the wrist, but his master never believed in the easy way (except when it came to riding Longma for the entire journey, but he bullied him enough about that as is)

He called a couple of his monkey generals to him and gestured to the beach. “We’ve got a treasured guest here boys, bring out some of our best fruits! The monk drinks no wine so our most potent teas as well!” The two chittered between each other and saluted him. Ah… he missed when his monkeys could much easier take orders.

“Why if my eyes don’t deceive me! Is this the virtuous Tang Monk I spy? The carrier of the Tripitaka himself? Why if any demon consumed his flesh it is said they’d become immortal!” He crowed, and watched as his master quickly covered his mouth with a hand, suppressing a laugh before schooling his expression back into the unimpressed line.

“It seems as though I've wandered to another mountain full of dangerous demons.” he stated, monotone and dry, but playful grin quickly betraying the tone. “If only I had some gallant disciple to protect me from the oncoming dangers”

Sun Wukong tumbled from the trees and gave a mock bow. “Say no more virtuous monk! No demon worth their salt can stand a fight against I, the Great Sage Equal to Heaven!” there was a pause.

And then his master’s laugh was all he heard. It took him a second to join in, taking a hairdsbreath too long to enjoy the sound, but soon enough he was escorting the monk up to his home.

He had barely been able to wait to tell his Master about Xiaotian, and yet here he was having to avoid the boy’s name entirely while he searched to remember stories and drama from the monkeys four hundred years ago. He mentioned briefly that he was considering taking on a successor but hadn’t decided on it yet. His master told his own stories and He found himself possibly enjoying it a bit too much, Master had only recently passed by his thousand year mark of being immortal and he had still not quite gotten the hang of it yet. All the same he was doing his best and it was nostalgic to watch him try so hard to maintain what came easily to him in the future.

Then the stories ran dry and he gestured for his master to follow him, and reached his favorite spot on the mountainside, it overlooked the town that would soon become a city and they’d have the best fireworks. He didn’t share that information with master, but it didn’t matter, just his presence was enough.

But before he could vanish into the ‘somehow always like new’ feeling, Tang Sanzang turned to him with a worried eye.

“Have you been taking care of yourself?” It was a question he didn’t remember being asked on that first visit, one that took him aback.

“What do you mean, Master? I’m fine.”

“Bad Monkey, don’t bother lying to me, you keep wincing as though you’re in pain and you can take beatings that would make mountains crumble into ravines! You keep rubbing at your fur as though there are wounds that are still healing beneath when it takes so much just to pierce your flesh! Was your fight with the Bull King really so intense that your wounds act up even a century later or are you concealing other things from me?” damn those perceptive eyes. He didn’t USED to be perceptive, he used to fall for basically every demon trick!

Then again, he probably wasn’t doing too great at covering up the lingering wounds on his body either.

“I’m fine master, I’m sure everything will be back to normal when i’ve rested some.”

Well that was the exact wrong thing to say as he watched the Monk’s face pale. “Have I been keeping you from rest? Oh, you fool of an ape you should have told me!” Tang Sanzang turned to face him properly and for a moment Sun Wukong’s brain short circuited entirely as he placed soft hands on either of his cheeks to cup his face. “I can return at any time! If you’re injured you shouldn’t feel pressured to remain in my company!”

“I want to be in your company.” It came out in a way he wouldn’t have been able to mask the adoring warmth to, no matter how hard he tried. “Master, I enjoy nothing quite as much as I do our quiet moments together.” He had to go visit him himself upon returning to his time, he’d forgotten just how much he could miss the monk once again.

Tang Sanzang huffed and it seemed like that had at least turned his upset into more garden variety aggravation. “Bad monkey…” He shook his head, and in the dim light of sunset it almost seemed as though his master’s cheeks turned a pink shade of their own before he brought his hands down to take Sun Wukongs in his own, and stood. “Well if you feel so strongly about that then clearly I’m going to have to see to your recovery myself.” The monk looked off to the side and a small smile came with a featherlight chuckle. “How strange, a near reverse of how things once were between us.”

He chuckled as well at the irony and watched his master’s grin widen. “Indeed. Well, if you insist, I shall submit myself to your fucking fretting, baldy.”

Now THAT got a real laugh. and a soft 'Language!' between chuckles.

He’d get summoned back to his own time when Past Him was done doing whatever heavy lifting he’d gotten too weak to be able to handle no doubt. But for now he didn’t see the harm in enjoying the peacetime as it lasted.

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mageofseven · 4 years

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How about the brothers reacting to MC approaching them for romantic advice...but they’re interested in a different brother? Extra knife twisting points if MC and the brother they were interested in start dating not long after

Okay ouch lol well, coming right up!

Lucifer:

Out of all of his brothers they could have came to him for love advice for, it had to be the one who technically is more than that and the one he has the most complicated relationship with.

He was very offend by this and coldly told MC that he had no advice to give in order to attract Satan.

It didn't matter though. By the end of the week, Satan was the one who had asked the human out.

The older brother was a bit bitter, but hid it by putting even more focus on his work, something no one thought possible. People rarely saw the man outside of his study after that, except for classes at RAD and whenever Lord Diavolo needed him in the Student Council room or at the Castle.

His pride was scratched, but he got over it after a day or two.

The two could cuddle on the couch and have study dates all they wanted; it didn't concern the oldest anymore.

...it was fine, as long as they're happy together.

Mammon:

Wait him?? Out of all of his brothers, MC chose the one who didn't even like to leave his room over The Great Mammon??

Boy plays it off like he's offended, but honestly... he's just really hurt by this. I mean, he's liked them basically since Day One, but they still fell for the otaku before him?

He just felt so deflated, but didn't want them to know that.

Of course, he helps his Human just like he always does.

Tells them that if they want Levi to got out with them, they gotta be direct and blunt and all that jazz or that hikikomori just won't get it.

"Waddya mean? Of course he'll say yes!" He tells them when they start to worry. "If he has even one brain cell in that thick head of his, he'll say yes right away!"

When MC finally had the confidence to do it, they asked Levi out when he invited her to his room to see the new game he got from Akuzon.

When the two came out later that day, the whole household learned they were dating.

Yeah, it stung the second brother... but if his Human is happy, that's all that matters, right?

Leviathan:

...and what made them think he had any advice for them?

This boy isn't good at anything social and love advice was far from his specialty

So asking for advice on how to win over his scummy brother? Yeah, that just locked him into self-loathing mode.

Ends up telling them that it's been very obvious to everyone else in the Devildom that Mammon fell hard for them a long time ago and honestly, they're playing on easy mode.

MC goes straight to Mammon's room after that and Levi can hear him scream "What?!?!!" from his own room.

And just like that, the second born was all smiley and living his best day because the human asked him out.

The otaku doesn't leave his room for the next couple days, not even for dinner and does his school work online.

Heartbroken, but tells himself that he shouldn't have expected any other outcome.

Satan:

Are they trying to make him mad?

MC, coming to him of all people, to ask how to attract Lucifer?

They explain it's because he's their closest friend and, despite the rocky relationship he has with the Avatar of Pride, they trust that they will help them.

Satan took a deep breath. Out all of the people they could have picked over him, it had to be Lucifer, he thought bitterly.

He had to excuse himself without answering the human.

The fourth born later noticed how his actions hurt his friend and sighed. He brought them to the library and sat them down on the couch in there.

He gave them tips like Lucifer's favorite tea type and information about his schedule. He told her to get the tea, make it around noon tomorrow and bring it to his study since that's usually the time he takes a break and gets the tea himself. Then ask if they can join him for a bit and during small talk, simply bring up the topic of going out sometime.

The blonde was really tempted to use all of this to his own gain, to lead the situation in a way to punish the oldest for taking his human from him but... this was obviously important to MC so he held back for their sake.

The next day, they came running to the blonde, all excited, saying it worked and that they and Lucifer had a dinner date tomorrow night. Satan smiled bitterly, but congratulated them before heading back to his room.

The Avatar of Wrath felt as if... anything important to him will always be stolen by that man. But at least MC was happy.

Asmodeus:

Boy is disappointed, no lies here.

I mean how could they not fall for him??

Still, he finds the idea of playing matchmaker so fun~

So what if it's with Satan? He's sure he can figure something out!

The Avatar of Lust immediately texted the fourth brother, saying it's an emergency and MC need him to come the fifth brother's room now.

He doesn't tell MC this however and just continues the conversation and asks what they see in the Avatar of Wrath.

They list off things like his intelligence, the kindness they've seen in him since becoming friends, his cute smile, how he just makes them feel so warm and safe and happy any time he hangs out with them.

"Aww that's so sweet!" Asmo tells them. "And that's why you wanna ask him out?"

"I mean, yeah, it's some of it." The human mumbled.

Asmo smiled, nodding to them before adding.

"Okay! Now why don't you open the door?"

"Huh?" The human gives a confused look before walking to the door and opening it like they were told, revealing a blushing Satan.

"A-Asmo!" MC turns to yell at the other demon, but just gets pushed out into the hallway by him.

"Have fun, sweetie~"

The fifth brother knew within the hour that the two were dating.

He'll admit, there's a bit of sadness in his heart about it, but he's glad he was able to help the to get together and be happy.

Beelzebub:

Poor baby is disappointed, but is glad that the brother they're interested in his twin.

Please make him happy :(

Served as kind of a messenger between the two, trying to find out how Belphie felt about them.

The Avatar of Sloth isn't one to be direct about that sort of thing, even with his twin.

Takes a few days of not so subtle questions for Beel to get an idea about how the younger one felt.

Belphie knew what his brother was doing; question was why.

Learned that his brother does like MC, but felt too much guilt over the Incident™️ to actually do anything with his feelings.

Texted MC about what he said and invited them to his room.

The three essentially had a big therapy session for the youngest brother and by the end of it, the Avatar of Sloth was able to forgive himself just enough to accept MC's feelings and his own.

He's really glad that his brother feels happier, even if his own heart aches a little.

Belphegor:

Ngl, their words stung.

Not that the Avatar of Sloth thought he deserved them after what happened, but still.

He's glad that it's Beel they like though.

The younger twin already knows that his brother liked them so it was all simple really.

Told them to literally walk right up to the big guy and say they like him, but MC said that was too embarrassing.

Ends up texting Beel to come to the attic. As soon as he entered the room, the younger brother says

"MC has a crush on you. Now let me sleep." Before falling back to his pillow.

"Belphie!"

The human's face was so red.

They turned to apologize to the redhead, just to be engulfed into a hug.

Beel was smiling ear to ear.

The younger twin was right; it really was that simple.

Kind of a bittersweet feeling to him, but it's whatever...

#obey me #obey me otome #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me mc

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dialovers-translations · 3 years

Text

Diabolik Lovers VANDEAD CARNIVAL ;; Kou Route ー Chapter 4

ー The scene starts on the plaza

Kou: ...

...What is going on?

So she’s keeping secrets from me after all.

On top of that, she had those fresh bite marks on her skin...This sucks.

Even though I believed...She was different from the people I knew.

...I trusted her...

...

...Ahー...

Kou: Ahー! Geez!

I’m not stupid either! ...I know that Yui isn’t that sorta girl.

I actually knew when I sucked her blood earlier.

That she would never hide anything from me.

Hence, I believe there must be some sort of explanation behind those marks on her arm I saw earlier as well.

...But it just won’t work. I can’t bring myself to put faith in her...

Even though I want to trust her so badly...I just can’t figure out what I should do.

...Fuck..!

Yui...I’m sorry.

*TIMESKIP*

ー Yui arrives on the plaza

Yui: ...Haah...haah...

( Kou-kun...He’s not here either. )

( I wonder where he ran off to? I’ve been looking all over this whole time, but he’s nowhere to be found... )

( If I had known things would turn out like this...I should have lifted the misunderstanding sooner and explained everything to him right away. )

( But...I’m to blame because I didn’t wait for Kou-kun in the first place, right? )

( Still...I couldn’t turn a blind eye to that young Kou-kun either. )

( After all, to me, both are just different versions of the same person I treasure. )

...Kou-kun...

Male Vampire D: ーー Oi, she’s the one, right?

Male Vampire E: ...Yeah, without a doubt. ...Hehe...

Yui: ...?

( Those Vampires...They’re looking my way...? )

( Right. I’m a delicious snack over here...Kou-kun told me... )

( I wasn’t too bothered by it up till now because I had him by my side, but right now... )

( ...Either way, I’ll look for Kou-kun first. )

( I need to have a proper face-to-face with him and solve this misunderstanding...! )

ー She runs off again as the scene shifts to a back-alley

Yui: ( ...It’s no use. I can’t find him at all. )

( ...Kou-kun, where are you? )

( Even if I’m at a fun festival, or if they tell me I’ve been chosen as the ‘Queen’, when you’re not with me... )

ー The two Vampires from earlier approach her

Male Vampire D: Excuse me, young lady!

Yui: Eh...?

Male Vampire E: Hehe...Is that a feast on legs I see~?

Yui: ( ...Those Vampires who were looking at me earlier...!? )

Male Vampire D: Oh, hell yeah! She’s got quite the cute face too!

Male Vampire E: You’re a human, aren’t you? ...On top of that, you smell different from just any regular old one. ...It’s the scent of delicious blood.

Yui: P-Please move aside. I’m looking for someonーー

Male Vampire D: Woah, hold it!

ー The Vampire grabs hold of her arm

*Rustle*

Yui: ...!?

( He grabbed my arm...! It hurts...! )

Male Vampire D: We won’t let you get away. ...You’ve been spreading your nice scent all over the place this whole time, you know?

Male Vampire E: It’s the kind of smell which drives us mad...You’ll be coming with us.

ー The scene shifts to one of the side streets

Yui: ...Let me go! Please!

*Rustle*

Male Vampire D: Ahー Yeah, whatever. Pipe down.

Yui: ( What should I do...? I can’t shake him off, no matter how hard I try...! )

Male Vampire D: Haahー You smell so nice...Humans really are a blessing.

Yui: No...!

( Oh no, at this rate...!! )

...Ugh...! ...Kou-kun...!!

Male Vampire E: Oi, you better keep a tight grip on her! Well, I’m pretty sure a human female stands no chance, no matter how much she struggーー

Kou: Yui!!

Yui: ( ...Eh...? )

ー Kou runs up to them

Kou: What are you scumbags doing!?

ー He punches them

*THUD*

Male Vampire E: Guah...!?

Yui: Kou-kun...

Kou: Yui, this way!

*Rustle*

Kou: Hide behind me. ...Everything will be fine, okay?

...Oi, you jerks. You better don’t believe you’ll get away with hurting her.

If you don’t want me to ensure you will never enjoy the carnival again, then get out of my sight at once!

...Before I lose it.

Male Vampire D: Eek...!?

Male Vampire E: Ugh...Fuck! Oi, let’s go!!

ー The two Vampires run off

Kou: ...Hmph! Those horny bastards. (1)

Yui...Are you okay? I’m sorry, I really cut it close.

Yui: No...Ah...

I’m sorry, Kou-kun...My legs seem to have given in...

*Rustle*

Kou: It’s okay. You can keep leaning against me, okay?

...You’re trembling. You must have been terrified, huh?

All because I left you behind...I’m sorry I made you go through such a scary experience. Earlier as well...

Yui: ...Kou-kun...

Kou: ...Even though I knew this would happen...

I’m the one who said you’re a delicious feast to the people here after all.

Whether you want it or not, there will be Vampires like those guys from before who will come seek out your blood.

Yet I blamed it all on you...I’m ashamed of myself.

I’m sorry for hurting you...because of my stupid jealousy.

...I truly regret it.

Yui: No. Thank you...for coming to my rescue.

Kou: Of course I would! I mean...You’re precious to me after all.

Yui: Kou-kun...

Kou: ...The skin on your wrist has turned red. Where they grabbed you earlier...

Yui: Ah...Yeah. Seems like it.

Kou: Can you give me a quick look?

*Rustle rustle*

Kou: Does it hurt?

Yui: Yeah, a little...His grip was really strong after all.

Kou: I see...

...Say. I’ll treat your wounds. Okay?

Yui: Treat...?

Kou: ...Nn...

*Smooch*

Yui: K-Kou-kun!? It tickles...

Kou: Keep still. It hurts, doesn’t it? ...Nn...

Besides...I have to disinfect the area they touched.

Yui: They didn’t bite me, you know...?

Kou: It doesn’t matter whether they sucked your blood or not. I don’t like he thought of their hands being on you...

*Rustle rustle*

Kou: ...Nn...

*Smooch*

Kou: Say, Yui...Right here, look at me.

Yui: Eh...?

Kou: ...

Yui: ( Kou-kun... He’s staring right into my eyes. )

Kou: ...Just as I thought, I can’t see anything yet.

Yui: You’re talking about your right eye...?

Kou: Yeah.

But I guess I can live without it. There’s other ways as well, after all. For example, like thisーー Nn...

*Smooch*

Yui: ...

Kou: ...When I kiss you like this, it becomes obvious as well. That you feel strongly about me, that is.

It’s such a simple thing, so why do I always find myself growing unsure so quickly...?

I wonder if I should kiss you more and more so I don’t become uncertain? Or maybe...There’s another way?

Selection

→ How about putting it into words? (☾)

Yui: Then...How about trying to put it into words more?

Kou: Words?

Yui: Yeah! I’ll often tell you just how much I like you with words as well! So you don’t grow anxious.

Kou: You do have a point, I’d love to hear that from you more often as well. I feel as if that makes me happier...Than simply witnessing it with my eyes.

Say, why don’t we do a little trial run?

Yui: I...like you, Kou-kun?

So very much...

→ I don’t know

Yui: I’m not quite sure, but...

Kou: But?

Yui: ...If you do it one more time, you might understand...?

Kou: ...Fufu. You really are adorable.

You see, I’ve told myself to stop racking my brains over complicated things. It’s pointless when I just can’t figure it out anyway.

I love you. As long as I know that, I’ll be fine...Nn...

*Smooch*

Yui: ( ...Kou-kun... )

Kou: ...I’m sorry, Yui. I’m kind of struggling to hold myself back.

Yui: Eh?

ー Kou bites her

Kou: Hah...Nn...

Yui: Nn...!

Kou: I’m so sorry...For some reason, you suddenly seemed irresistible to me. Nn...Phew...

Yui: ( It caught me a little off guard but...He’s being so gentle right now, it doesn’t hurt. )

( Thank god. We managed to properly talk things out...right? The misunderstanding got solved as weーー )

( ...Ah! )

K-Kou-kun! Wait...!

Kou: Nn...What...?

Yui: You see...There’s something I have to tell you.

Kou: Something you have to tell me...?

Yui: Yeah...You remember the marks on my arm from earlier, right?

Kou: Yeah...I do. So, what’s up with those?

Yui: Well...I don’t know whether you’ll believe me or not but...

To tell the truth...I was bitten by a child version of you.

Kou: ...Hah?

Uhm...I’m sorry, M-neko-chan. I don’t really understand what you’re trying to say? What do you mean with ‘a child version of me’?

Yui: ( I-I guess he really doesn’t believe me. But I should at least try and properly explain... )

You went to chase after those kids who knocked over our juice at the cafe, right?

Back thenーー

*TIMESKIP*

Yui: ーー And that’s what happened.

Kou: And that was me?

Yui: I only have the name and the appearance to base myself on but...I don’t think I’ve got it wrong.

Although that obviously doesn’t make for conclusive proof...

Kou: Well, this is the Demon World still, so strange phenomena can definitely occur.

...My child self, huh...?

ー The younger Kou walks up to them

Yui: Ah...! Kou-kun!

Kou: Eh?

Child Kou (2): ...

Yui: It was this child, Kou-kun!

Kou: ...No way.

Child Kou: ...

Yui: ( Seeing them side by side...They really do look alike. )

( Is this child really Kou-kun’s young self? )

Kou: W-What is going on...!?

Why is this...? Also, those clothes...

Child Kou: ...This way.

Kou: Eh?

Yui: ( The little Kou is...Gesturing to follow him...? )

Child Kou: ...Come here, Yui. That Kou as well.

ー The child runs off

Kou: Ah...Wait!

Yui: He left...L-Let’s try going after him for now?

Kou: Y-Yeah...

This doesn’t make any sense. What is going on!?

ー The scene shifts to the inside of an abandoned building

Yui: ( Following after the small Kou-kun brought us over here, but... )

Kou: ...

Child Kou: ...

Yui: ( Kou-kun and a little Kou-kun... )

( I honestly can barely believe my eyes, seeing them standing next to each other like that... )

Kou: ...So?

I don’t know who or what you are, but what do you want from us? Bringing us here.

Child Kou: ...No fair.

Kou: Eh?

Child Kou: It’s no fair you get to have everything, Kou.

Yui: ( Kou-kun is...advantaged? )

Kou: What? ...What do you mean?

Child Kou: ...

...It’s no fair that Kou gets to have it all. He has everything I don’t.

Meanwhile I have nothing at all.

Yui: ( Since he calls it unfair...I guess that means this child is envious of Kou-kun...? )

Kou: ...So what?

You don’t have what I do. And?

Do you want me to share with you or something? Because we’re both the same person?

...Don’t joke around with me. That sorta stuff really pisses me off.

Yui: W-Wait, Kou-kun...!

Child Kou: ...

Kou: ...That look in your eyes. It brings me back, I feel disgusted.

It feels a little uncomfortable saying this to myself but could you please just get out of my sight? Just watching you makes me feel even more irritated.

Child Kou: ...!

*Clunk*

Yui: Eh...!?

Child Kou: ...Then suffer!

Kou: ...He vanished...?

...Anyway, that noise from earlier.

*Clatter clatter*

Kou: ...I knew it. He locked us up in here.

Yui: Eh!?

Kou: Ah~ ...He got us...

Yui: W-What should we do, Kou-kun...?

Kou: Haah...There’s nothing we can do. No point in wasting energy when the door won’t open anyway.

Geez...He really got us good...Well, I played myself, I should say.

Yui: Fufu, right.

Kou: You should take a seat too. The door won’t open anyway. Here, sit next to me.

Yui: Ah, yeah.

*Rustle*

Kou: Haah...We got to come to this festival but today has been one disaster after the other.

I’m sorry, Yui.

Yui: Eh? ...Why do you apologize?

Kou: I mean, we got locked up in here because I upset him.

That’s not all. It was my fault...That you were attacked by other Vampires as well.

...I’m sorry.

Yui: ( Kou-kun... )

I won’t deny that a lot happened but...I had a blast, you know?

Yui: I mean...Just by being together and talking like this...I have fun.

So don’t worry?

Kou: ...Yui...

Kou: ...Fufu. Say, are you trying to entice me?

Yui: Eeh!? N-No! I didn’t mean to...!

Kou: Even if that wasn’t your intention, that’s what it sounded like to me, you know?

Ahーah...I want to turn you into a mess, right here, right now.

Yui: ( K-Kou-kun... )

Kou: I won’t, though! I’m currently reflecting upon myself after all!

...I realized my mistakes and regretted them but after hearing your words, I somehow don’t feel like this is such a bad thing.

We can just take it nice and easy here together.

Although I do feel a little bad for hogging the Queen of the Carnival all to myself.

Yui: Ah...Speaking of which, I was assigned said role, huh...?

Kou: Haha, you forgot?

But...Yeah. You can forget about it. It’s not like you can fulfill your duty while we’re locked up in here.

And I want to keep you all to myself as well.

Yui: ( Kou-kun... )

Kou: I’m sure someone will find us eventually if we wait.

So...Let’s stay like this until that happens? Together.

Yui: ...Yeah.

( I can hear people enjoying the Carnival outside but... )

( Spending this kind of alone time isn’t bad either. )

( As long as Kou-kun’s with me... )

ー They doze off together as the scene shifts to the ballroom

Yui: ...Nn...?

( Huh...? Where are we...? )

( I’m pretty sure we were inside an abandoned building just now...? )

Kou: Nn...Yui...?

Yui: Ah, Kou-kun. Good morning.

Kou: Nn...Did we fall asleep...?

...Heeh!? Wait, where are we!?

ー The crowd starts cheering

Male Vampire A: Ooh! The King and Queen of the Carnival have awakened!

*Clap clap clap*

Kou: Eeh!? What is this!? What’s going on!?

Yui: Kou-kun, this place...! It looks like the Carnival’s venue!?

Kou: W-What do you mean...?

Male Vampire A: King and Queen, this way please.

Yui: Uhm...Kou-kun, what is going on...?

Kou: I have no clue either...

Male Vampire B: This Carnival is a banquet to celebrate the birth of a new Adam and Eve.

Yui: The new Adam and Eve?

Kou: Ah, wait wait!

Let’s just say she is the Queen of the Carnival.

But me as the King...There’s just no way, right?

Male Vampire A: But the one chosen by Eve becomes Adam, right?

Male Vampire B: Then nobody else can fulfill said role. You are without a doubt the King of this Carnival!

*Clap clap clap*

Yui: ...In short...

Kou: This party is being held...for us?

???: ーー Exactly.

Kou: ...Karlheinz-sama!?

Why are you here...!?

Karlheinz: Kou...No, that would be wrong right now. Newborn Adam, andーー

Yui: ( He’s looking my way...? )

Karlheinz: ーー Eve.

Yui: ...

Karlheinz: Did you both enjoy the celebration?

Kou: ...No. I doubt she was able to have fun because of me.

Yui: Kou-kun...

Karlheinz: Why do you feel that way?

Kou: Because I’m...selfish. So I failed to take her into consideration.

But, she told me she had fun regardless. That she only needs me by her side.

That’s why...I had tons of fun as well. Since we got to spend the Carnival together.

Karlheinz: ...I see. I am glad.

I set this up to celebrate you both.

Yui: ( For us...? )

Karlheinz: However, a simple celebration would be too dull. Therefore, I added some staging of my own.

Yui: ...Staging?

Karlheinz: Yes, in various ways.

Kou: Don’t tell me, are you the one behind the small one...?

Karlheinz: Small one? What could you be referring to? Kou, I am talking about your right eye.

Kou: Eh? ...Ah.

Karlheinz: I shall return your eye to normal. Close them.

Kou: ...Yes.

Karlheinz: ...This should do the trick.

Kou: Thank you very much. I feel as if I was able to remember something very important...because of you.

Karlheinz: Very well. ...I suppose this eye might be something you no longer need.

Adam and Eve. May the two of you...find happiness.

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) Kou calls them ‘ero-vampires’, which even though it obviously comes from the English ‘erotic’, when you use it to describe a person, it’s closer to ‘perverted’ or ‘dirty’ than ‘erotic’.

(2) In the actual game, both are named ‘Kou’, but I figured it would be too confusing for those playing without an actual console/game, so I adjusted it a little.

← RETURN TO CHAPTER 3

→ PROCEED TO FINALE ENDING

→ PROCEED TO NORMAL ENDING

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #kou mukami #vandead carnival #diabolik lovers translation #vckouchapter4

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phoebehalliwell · 3 years

Note

A season six au where, instead of being a one-off used simply to confirm that Wyatt is evil in the future, Chris-Crossed is set up as foreshadowing of the final conflict at the end of the season - Wyatt coming to the past himself to stop Chris.

After Bianca, Wyatt keeps sending more and more demons after Chris trying to stop him and bring him back home, but they all fail, so the penultimate episode has Wyatt coming back to the past to personally deal with the threat Chris represents to him.

Only he's not prepared to find his entire family (logically, he knew, but emotionally he hadn't considered the ramifications). He hadn't considered what it would be like to see his parents so in love with each other and with his younger, happier self. He doesn't know how to deal with the fact that the people whose deaths just emotionally shattered him are still alive and happy here.

He tries to stick with his original plan but fails. Maybe he discovers that it was Gideon who abducted him as a baby (he always knew something bad happened to him as a kid, but he never knew it was an Elder), and he's the one to kill him and save his younger self. Maybe he reveals to Piper and Leo that it wasn't just Gideon that turned him evil (bc lets be real, that was a weak ending), but an escalating series of attacks over his entire childhood, culminating in demons killing his parents and causing him to go darkside out of revenge.

Maybe the finale is Piper, and Leo, and Chris, and Paige, and Phoebe convincing Wyatt to come back to them, that he didn't have to let his trauma define him, that he could choose to be good again and change the future for his younger self.

(And then maybe in season eight we give Christy the same damn courtesy because frankly she didn't deserve her fate either.)

first off: fuck yeah. second off ik i bring this up every time i still can't believe they made billie INCINERATE christy!!!!!!!!!!!! that's how you tie up that plot???? uhh chrisy shoots some fire at billie who deflects it and it hits christy and burns her alive. and then we cut to the hug montage. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

i mean for starters i'm always wishing we did more with evil wyatt bc like. we saw so little. like this is a world where magic exists out in the open. like. !!. there's a lot to be done here. also really getting more into the what made wyatt evil can be good ik everyone has different opinions i personally think like. i like the idea that gideon did kidnap him in canon and did try (and continuously fail) to murder him and it like fucked up wyatt psychologically that be the time piper & leo got wyatt back he was already like. like Really Fuckin Broken. like one of those kids who rips the wings off of a butterfly Specifically to see how it reacts. that type of kid. i also think that by the time wyatt made it back to the family piper and leo were already fucked up for starters bc they both went bonkers bc you know. their son has been kidnapped. and i think it strained the whole charmed thing i think phoebe bound her powers and moved away to ny and i think paige was the only one who really kept trying with the whole you know magic protectors of the innocent thing i think she was actually the one who trained wyatt the most as another witchlighter w a similar power set and i think she was for the record wyatt's favorite because i think you know piper and leo fret over him A Lot bc a) he was kidnapped b4 and you really can't have that happen again and then b) um. ur kid's a lil bit sociopathic. like he like. tortures animals. which is a red flag and makes you really uncomfortable. but i think between paige and henry like they've seen a lot of fucked up kids and also like he does need training like magically and you know he is powerful like. he's not delicate that's for sure he can hold his own. i think paige in their youth takes the lead on training both the boys i think.

okay so sidebar for context specifically on wyatt's early childhood i think gideon stored him in the heavens when trying to kill him possibly with a small faction of elders/whitelighters in his camp so wyatt's got this association what whitelighters = evil elders = evil you know. and i think once he develops the strength (age 4?? maybe five) he does like. kill all of them. and wanders the heavens and the elders find him like oh my god it's the twice blessed wtf is he doing up here and they return him to piper & leo and like. find all the dead whitelighters/gideon and kindaaaa put together what happened and just lie about it. they're like yeah we found him in the underworld. demons amirite. here's your son back. gideon died in the fight to get him back btw. so paige takes over magic school and gideon's like this great fuckin hero that. okay well i just took a break to scroll thru my phone and now i have no idea what i was saying. long story short um. like.

paige is wyatt's favorite

paige runs magic school

wyatt is v damaged

& the culture surrounding him Is Not Helping

i also think wyatt's really a dick to chris because like. well he's really damaged chris is a really easy target because he's just So Much Weaker than wyatt

the elders also want to strip wyatt of the twice blessed destiny but can't w/o saying Why (he killed an elder and bunch of whitelighters) so instead they're trying to be like the elders! whitelighters! god we love em so much don't we aren't they the best don't we love em which just drives wyatt more batty bc he knows they're lying which really sows his deep hatred of good magic

so i think when wyatt comes back as the final Big Bad he's like fuck it you know what i'm going over Everyone's heads yeah this was to kill chris but i'm pushing the whole schedule forward i'm killing the elders and i'm taking over who's gonna stop me The Charmed Ones? give me a fuckin break bc in his entire time the charmed ones are some old washed up thing of the past he never really got to see them like. together.

and i think just like the way wyatt views the world in general is augmented distorted like he's got mirror from the snow queen in his eye that type shit but i think. i think seeing the world before the world he could have had. i think makes a big difference. i also think his view of his parents changes greatly because i think piper was always a hardass who like didn't let him so shit bc she was terrified for him and she was also like. a demon killing machine. and then leo i think got really just sorta weak desperate and depressed in the dark timeline really wallowed like constantly. so seeing his parents as two normal, adjusted people. oh i also think wyatt killed piper. in the dark future. and i think seeing her like this like he almost feels guilty. and seeing them how they are he almost like. wants to get that childhood. like now there really is this what if. because to be perfectly honest he's not like happy don't get me wrong it's not like he doesn't love killing murder & being evil bc i do think he gets a kick out of it but there's just this constant vacancy like it's never enough like. he never feels quite whole he thought he'd feel that when he took out the elders he thought he'd feel that when he took out the charmed ones and ruled the underworld he thought he'd at least get some contentedness ruling he whole fucking world but there's just. there's something missing. and it bugs the shit outta him not knowing what. and seeing family and healthy love he's like oh 😐😐 well i don't really want that that's lame and boring also suckish and i hate my family. but like. 😐😐😐😐 oops he kinda. he kinda wants in. gideon still dies tho leo still kills him which wyatt sees and is like hey what the fuck. bc he always saw his dad as some pushover who like kissed ass for the elders all the goddamn time like jfc man get a fuckin spine but hey!! he just killed an elder!!!! and leo's like no one hurts my family to which wyatts like a) nice job on the murder king but also like b) family?? 👀👀 because as a kid he always felt like his dad picked the elders over him like oh gideon's a hero he brought my son back to me and wyatt's like okay so you're a moron jackass bootlicker and a bad father word but seeing this wyatt's like hey what the fuck. what that's an option wait u do stick up for your family and have your own beliefs.

tbh you know that one post like i love it when a villain doesn't get a redemption arc per se but rather just becomes domesticated like a cat. i think that's what i'd want to see w wyatt. like he's like okay bet. gideon was a fuckin dickwad. but um little me deserves a chance. and if i want i'll just like. take over again. but i'll take a backseat and see where this goes. because again there's something missing. you get the chance to see what you'd be like if you were an adjusted, normal human. and if this doesn't work well know there's two of you so you can take over the world twice as fast. evil wyatt Also does the uncle coop thing. and everyone has to keep an eye on him because like he is a lil bit cuckoo and does have a penchant 4 violence but like. he's having a really good time he does love piper's cooking also he's v invested in the paige henry sideplot like heyyyyyyyyyyyy hahaha u guys r in love lmao. and paige is like no we're not we're just no we're not shut the fuck up you don't know shit and wyatt's like oh shit you like him lmao hahahah. wyatt fuckin Hates kyle bc that's not his uncle hey stop dating my aunt back the fuck up. but then hangs out with kyle and is like no actually i like him we can keep him around. he just can't date paige tho. kyle becomes a whitelighter and then an angel and their friendship helps heal the relationship wyatt has to the heavens. also wyatt's whole tragic backstory w like. gideon tried to kill him for the greater good and that was a self fulfilling prophecy that triggered the apocalypse does kind modify how kyle sees the world end justifies the means style. doesn't try to kill leo bc he doesn't wanna kill wyatt's dad. i'm literally just saying shit now. piper teaches evil wyatt how to knit. wyatt sees all the demons who work for him in the future and they don't recognize him and he's like oh rite i'm not evil supreme leader of the world here. bianca also lives in this au. wyatt healed her and initially kept her to torture for information or something idk i just want her alive. evil feral domesticate cat wyatt who lives in the manor like a fuckin leech and offers really unhelpful violent suggestions whenever a problem is encountered but at least he's having a good time. he picks himself up from daycare frequently because piper opened her restaurant. 👍

#none of this really makes any sense but yeah #anyways Love this plot pitch tho ur version is better n more inspired #i'm just saying shit here i'm having a good time tho i'm in camp domesticate evil wyatt #charmed #dark future #wyatt halliwell #💌#evil!wyatt

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scribble-blog · 4 years

Text

Soulmate AU part 3!!

First • Previous • Here • Next

Side note, I’m a grandma in a 22 year old body who doesn’t understand technology. If somebody can teach me how to get readmores to work on tumblr mobile, and possibly how to start linking the posts together, I’d appreciate it!

Also, the taglist is now full! Though if people want, I could try doing a supplemental taglist? Either in a reblogged or in a separate post to notify you? Let me know in the replies!

Damian Wayne, as it turns out, is almost very certainly the son of Bruce Wayne, who sponsored their entire trip to Gotham. There are only two official pictures of him that are clear enough to truly check against, but Marinette sees the eyes and she nods. “That’s him.”

Trixx, Pollen, Kaalki, and Plagg are scattered about the bed, napping and lounging. Adrien also lounges, catlike and crosswise with the bed, entirely over the pillows at their back. Chloé holds the laptop that Marinette is hovering over, even from her seated position with her much smaller stature.

“It would be you,” Chloé snorts. “Oh, let’s just traipse over to America for a quick class visit! Oops, my soulmate is the incredibly handsome son of the incredibly wealthy man who invited us here!”

“Still more believable than you, Miss ‘My soulmate and I have literally been standing two feet from each other for weeks because not only do we have the exact same friends, but we’re part of the same superhero group and never realized until Ladybug allowed us to learn each other’s secret identities.’” Adrien doesn’t move as he calls her out, lazily curled into the warmth of his two friends and the pillows cocooning him.

“I don’t think any of us can speak,” Marinette groans. “I’m living a cheap rom com, Chloé’s got all the plot elements of a high budget Shakespearian drama, and Mr. ‘Didn’t know I wasn’t straight until my soulmate mark was a guys name” is straight out of a b movie comedy.”

“At least I got my act together pretty quickly once it occurred to me that I could like guys too,” Adrien points out. “And now Jon and I talk all the time, and he even comes to Paris sometimes to see me, or we’ll meet up for my occasional business trips in America. Which reminds me,” he pulled out his phone, sending off a quick text, “he wants to come meet you guys. Next week, while we’re all actually on the same continent.”

“Kudos to you for shaking off whatever Gabe tried to stuff your head full of,” Chloé says. “Took me ages to admit that I was gay, and that was even WITH my soulmark and both Marinette and Ladybug constantly in front of me.”

“Feeling pretty objectified,” Marinette protests.

“Oh shut it, I know for a fact that you’ve basically been the gay awakening crush of every not straight girl in our class. And several outside of it. And that’s not even counting all the dudes that fall in love with you.”

“I still object,” Marinette pouts at Chloé.

“Objection overruled.” Adrien sits up. “Marinette. You’re like, the perfect crush. They have a warning about you in the introductory packet for Mme. Bustier’s class.”

“They do not,” Marinette gasps, outraged. “I wrote that packet!”

“And then the class unanimously decided you were too dangerous to be walking around without a warning sign,” Chloé pinched her cheek. “If it makes you feel any better, it’s still in the packet despite Lila’s best efforts to get it thrown out.”

That does make Marinette feel better.

“Damian Wayne resurfaces after year of being believed dead,” Adrien reads from his phone. “Gotham’s Newest Wayne: The True Son! These all read like tabloids but as far as I can tell the Wayne’s don’t tolerate stuff like that. So I guess it’s true?”

“I’m tired of looking him up,” Marinette groans. “Can we just leave it be?”

“Nope,” Chloé pops the P. “Congrats, Dupain-Cheng, this is what friends are for.”

“I wish I could talk to Tikki about it,” Marinette sighs. “Especially because I have literally never heard anyone talk about that- electric feeling when we touched. Is it a Ladybug thing?”

Plagg opens one big green eye. “Cool it, Spots. It’s definitely a Ladybug thing. You’re literally the reason these marks exist.”

Marinette sticks her tongue out at the mini god. “I just miss her.”

“Join the club,” he grumbles, closing his eye and going back to napping.

“Good news,” Chloé says, bringing her attention back to the laptop. “Searching your name very easily leads to you, and our class, and the fact that we won the contest. So, unless he decides he’s not ready to meet you, you’ll have the chance to find him at the gala. Or at Wayne Enterprises. Or at any of the places the Wayne’s own, which is two-thirds of our trip destinations.”

“Oh god,” Marinette says. “What if he didn’t want to find me?”

Adrien, Chloé, and four Kwamis hit her at the same time, shoving her back into the bed.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Mari,” Adrien scolds her from his position atop the newly formed cuddle pile. “I saw his face too. If the boy isn’t already in love with you, he’ll be hunting you down just for the chance to fall.”

Trixx nuzzled into her side. “I may not be Tikki but all of us Kwamis know how incredible you are, Marinette.”

She sighed. “Alright guys, get off.”

———

Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Tim already knew who the girl was, because he’d been curious when his favorite artist had started talking about the source of his newest looks.

But having Damian demand his help in searching for everything he could find on her, and then only asking for the bare minimum of information about her trip itinerary- Tim wasn’t an idiot.

“So. She’s your soulmate.” Tim takes a sip of the coffee he’d been working on, making a face and instantly setting it back down when he realized it had gone cold.

Damian carefully did not change his expression, but it wasn’t fooling anyone. “And so what if she is?”

Tim looked back at the monitor. “So nothing. Congrats, Demon Spawn. I’m happy for you.”

He barely caught the edge of the scowl the younger Wayne tried to hide.

“Hey, no.” Tim spun his chair to face Damian. “Look, we’ve had our differences and disagreements-“

“You had me on the superhero equivalent of a terrorism watch list,” Damian interrupted.

“And you literally tried to kill me within the first day of meeting me.”

“A byproduct of my indoctrination from birth into a murder cult,” His brother kept his face still but the tone was wry.

“You kept trying to kill me.”

“I wasn’t trying to kill you!” Damian finally exclaimed, losing his collected demeanor. “Just-“

“Point being,” Tim stressed, “even if we haven’t always gotten along- haven’t ever, really- I’m still happy for you. Soulmates are a special thing. We all kind of thought you might not have one, with the way you always acted when Dick tried to ask.”

Damian forced down the immediate retort and looked at Tim. “I thought that maybe my dying would have prevented my name from showing up for them. And my teachings-“ he said the word with the inflection that meant he was discussing Assassin Upbringing rather than here- “were as such that most connections, be they familial, friendly, or romantic, were- unnecessary and even dangerous.” It felt tantamount to a betrayal of his younger self to confide anything in Drake like this, but... Damian really was, in many ways, a better and more mature person than the spoiled, aggressive, near sociopathic brat he’d arrived as seven years ago. He still kept the veneer of it up, but he was no longer the boy who needed to fight Drake to prove his worth as Bruce’s son.

Now he just waited for Drake to embarrass himself by passing out after staying up for far too long surviving on caffeine and energy drinks. Much easier.

And Drake didn’t ever seem as eager to blackmail and fight as Damian ever had, so he figured a small amount of vulnerability was a proper thank you for his discretion in finding Marinette.

Tim just took another grimacing sip of the cold coffee. “Man. In that case, even happier for you that you’re shrugging off yet another of the Child Assassin School’s upsetting and frankly terrible rules. Though as for the dying thing, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t matter as long as you don’t actively die now that you have the mark.”

Damian shrugged. “Irrelevant now, as I will not be dying anytime soon, and neither will she. And she clearly knows that we’re soulmates.”

“Still confused about that,” Tim frowned, looking back at him. “You said there was an electric current between you? Or it felt like that?”

Damian couldn’t stop his hand from twitching, the memory of it clear enough to feel. “Yes. I don’t understand it myself either.”

“I’ll search around. See if anything comes up.” Tim handed him a pile of papers. “Here, the info you wanted on her itinerary, plus things I thought would be pertinent without going over whatever line you seem to have drawn.”

Damian took them, and very begrudgingly said, “Thank you,” before ducking out of the room.

He waited until he was back in his own room before flicking through them, finding the trip schedule and the hotel rooms listed, the names of her class and teachers, and finally a list of her accomplishments and a copy of the paper that had won her class the trip, authored by her.

He read through it, noting the names of her classmates and their own community efforts, and the way her own section in the paper was minuscule compared to both each other persons section and the list of accomplishments Drake had drafted.

One classmate had, if no less written than than any other person, a distinctly different tone to what Marinette had written, and most of her community building and service events were merely echoes or assisting what another person had done. Damian shrugged it off, as there were sometimes people who simply tagged along, and never put their own effort out there. Followers, and not leaders.

All in all, he found himself more intrigued than ever about her.

TAGLIST:

@the-fusionist @rebecarojas07 @lowandco @kotaleartzu @resignedcatservant @alenee13 @mystery-5-5 @ladybug-182 @actual-disaster-human @loysydark @rumbelle18 @magic-miraculous @vixen-uchiha @athena452 @mochegato @ash-amg @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @thestressmademedoit @sassakitty @doriebell @jessigurl-design @emotionalsupportginger @kceedraws @kuroko26 @moonystars14 @toodaloo-kangaroo @myazael @theatreandcomicfreak @mer-mel @dahjokester @northernbluetongue @area51qt @renscorpio @redscarlet95 @razzledazzle247 @rosep16 @tired-butterfly @catthhay @shamefullove @imanerddealwith @chaosace @captainmac6 @bigpicklebananatree @abrx2002 @cici-schnee @multplelifes @shreky-boi @purple-people-eaters-productions @crazylittlemunchkin @weird-pale-blonde-person

#maribat #daminette #daminette soulmates #soulmate au #fanfic

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endexe · 3 years

Text

Whew, okay, uh, ya star child, Mori, here whipped out a fucking long ass essay just regarding to the things I realized while writing Zero and how much Zero means to me, especially on the personal level. Some heavy areas are to be touched as warned ahead in the sixth paragraph, but I promise I’m okay! I simply have a lot of thoughts and emotions whirling around in me that I need to place somewhere! But to summarize: Thank you all so, so, so much for loving Zero Orez, my one and only bestest foolish glitch child, and for giving me the safe and gentle space where I can be at my most joy and comfort having him here. <3

So the concept of Zero was created this month on April’s Fool, which is the second most ironic thing to happen with him ( the first is honestly the fact that within the same month, Zero have interacted with five muses who share the same faceclaim as him, like lmfao poor Zero, he’s just not having it --- shoutout to Mercy ( maskeraide ), River ( wxrldkiller ), Oli ( teletropic ), Vi ( heartbetween ), and Grace ( evermxre ) for having me so delighted and entertained by this concept, it makes my experiences writing with Zero so much more fun ). I created him for this episodic novel series Let There Be with Noble and Grim, the angel and demon respectively, who are private investigators. I had the concept of how there would be eldritch monsters trying to take over Earth by using the elements of the horror genre, which created mundane appearing but still supernatural linked cases that Noble and Grim had to solve when no other ordinary humans could, and the monsters were linked to their respective tarot card. Zero was considered to be the Fool.

I was excited to make Zero be a side character of the novel, the foolish and childish character who would constantly help and betray both sides of the series, one side being Noble and Grim, and another the Arcane. But I didn’t know what more to expect from him. I was reading the tag within the post I made in Noble’s and Grim’s blog that was the NPC introduction of Zero. It’s so funny that I said I didn’t know if I’d end up writing him on here because I thought Noble and Grim, my impossible lights, would end up taking all of the muse from him. BUT IN THE END... They were the ones who I set up the indefinite hiatus note few days ago while Zero’s still thriving, and I find that so bizarre because I thought Noble and Grim were the ONES who I’d always have the muse for. You know how you’d have that thing where you’d expect something to happen with your muse, but they would do the exact opposite as you least expected? Zero’s like that ALWAYS, but the fact he pulled the UNO reverse card on my impossible lights? Truly wild and now here I am, writing him for almost a month!

And... creating him, writing him is the BEST choice I had ever made in my entire life. Yes, Noble and Grim had helped me a lot, especially I do face a lot of struggles when it comes to the matters of hope and despair, what Noble and Grim embody of respectively but Zero eventually become so many things to me. The vent character, the comfort character, the character who I can channel my childish and curious energy into when I was rarely given the chance to let them out in the real world when I was younger, the character who is a learner but as slow and easily frustrated as me and a lover of life like me despite everything / anything. I realize also that I have so much fun and easier times writing him than I had with Noble and Grim, I won’t lie about this. Noble’s and Grim’s aesthetic and energy seem to attract more of an urge to write a bit more purple prosey with a hint of seriousness to it, and... it was so time and energy consuming to write them with these expectations I had on myself. And for some reason, I sometimes had trouble plotting with them, maybe because, again, I felt like they had to be these serious characters having to be put in serious situations. Few of the things I love about Zero is he have bare limits to his character as he can be anything and anyone I want him to be. He has about everything that I can use to develop and have fun with. I love how ultimately, Zero is ever unbound to labels and he is ever changing.

I’m just amazed realizing how many writings and developments I have done with Zero within a month than I had with those two, but that’s because with Zero? He is truly... all over the place. He is so messy, chaotic, flawed, but also, he is loud and open and FREE. Having to get into his energy makes me feel my most self where I can be too loud and loving, and not care too much about how I write and format my posts, unlike with Noble and Grim. He makes me so so SO happy and comfortable, and there is a lot of times I’d think about him and sometimes with my friends’ muses, and it’s a lot more than I had thought of Noble and Grim. The love I have for Zero is endless and beyond, always. He reminds me that original characters are so fucking important when they can be anything and anyone you want them to be, and as long as it’s nothing of harm to others and yourself, whoever and whatever they are, they are more than good enough when they provide you so much joy and comfort.

[ trigger warning: mentions of ( child ) abuse and traumas ] Zero have... about about everything I’ve ever loved in general from my interests to tropes ( adorkable, the fool, fourth wall breaking, etcetera ) to my love of aesthetics ( such as glitchcore / cybercore / kidcore / weirdcore ), and so many more. As well as he have learning disability, hypersexuality, tendency to be so distracted and forgettable like me. Along with he does these things that I do as stimming like he’d just rock or always love to touch blankets that have very soft materials. As well as he have experienced so many traumas that resulted him having so much trouble remembering and wanting to be childish as hating to be responsible, which is what I have. I don’t remember anything of my childhood or honestly, majority of my life but traumas. I don’t remember much of what I did yesterday. I don’t even remember if I had breakfast yesterday or what I ate if I did because I had been through so much mainly involving abuse from my own mother, still do unfortunately as I live with her, that makes my brain shut down, which also makes me have so much trouble being in deep thoughts when my brain is just. Numb. When I’m going to be more real here, despite how I appear online here, I do have trouble experiencing and expressing much emotions because, again, of the traumas I have dealt with for so long.

From all of these things I had gone through in life, I have dealt a lot with these concepts of who I am, what I am, like Zero does, and having him, I eventually realize how extremely important he is to me, so much more than any characters I ever created. He is my biggest coping mechanism and my gentlest reminder that it’s never too late to be... free. Just enjoy everything that I’m so fortunate to get from life. Draw clumsily, listen to music loudly, love too much and just let my heart be louder than the thunderstorms and crashing sea waves combined. Just be free and happy, despite everything, anything. I said before with Noble and Grim that I hadn’t been this happy before writing them, but I was so wrong. With Zero, I am so much more happier than I could ever be, and there are so many people on here who I am beyond lucky and grateful to be friends with who let me have him with no judgement like over how ridiculously overpowered he is or how much I self projected myself into him. And all of the connections Zero made on here so far are very touching and wonderful. I didn’t know what to really expect when I decided to give Zero his own blog, but having him for a month, this decision brought me so many beautiful things that I will always cherish.

I also wanna give a quick shoutout to River for. Fuck, everything. They’re truly the biggest reason why I decided to keep writing Zero and even make me love him more. They had made me talk about so many things with Zero I probably would’ve never thought, or wouldn’t have thought about so soon. I always extremely enjoy everything River and I would go over about together, and... literally, River, if you see this, know that you’re truly a wonder to have. I am so beyond thankful to have you as, honestly, already my close friend. Thank you so much for giving me that extra push to keep Zero and one of the most meaningful reasons why Zero still exist today, and for being just an amazing friend.

Just thank you all so much, to those we had known each other from the other blog and those we just became mutuals, for giving me and Zero a chance to be a bit more free and happier at least when our life won’t let us have that so often. Just thank you, thank you, thank you.

#* ❪⠀ 📺⠀❫ : 𝚎𝚙𝚜1.2:outofcharacter.𝚝𝚊𝚐 //#( I'm not expecting anyone to read it I just. again I had so many thoughts and feelings on this that I had no where to put but here )#( but again and again thank you everyone for this <3 )

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mozaikrolez · 3 years

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some headcanons for our muses featuring @waterlord !

below , i’ve written up truck load more random headcanons on kiri’s relationship with shinobu kocho , kanae kocho , the girls of the butterfly estate & a new addition — mitsuri kanroji !!

𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐨𝐛𝐮 𝐤𝐨𝐜𝐡𝐨

initially , shinobu is a bit troubled by kiri . before kanae’s passing , her attitude is a lot like aoi — blunt , impatient & almost intolerant of many things . things that include clinginess . she’d be a bit rough on him at times , wanting him to be less dependent on people . this reminds shinobu of her ‘ old self ( which unbeknownst to her — is still present ) ‘ & how she was before her parents died . believing this way of life isn’t healthy , she tries to teach kiri how to be independent . funnily enough , she ends up latching on to him like an older sister or even a mother .

caring for his hair is something she does to relax . sometimes she’ll make a silly excuse like ‘ your hair pin is falling out again — geez ‘ just so she can play with his hair . when his hair grows longer , oooh man she loves it ! she loves to braid it in various styles since the colour of his hair fascinates her . the colour is rare & eye catching . even the slayers that come by the estate take notice ! if someone say’s something rude about it , shinobu will have a few words with them . a few sailor - esque words with them .

on that note , shinobu doesn’t like swearing around the young ones or her sister . she ESPECIALLY makes sure that kiri won’t hear her . aoi has caught her before & has a small habit of doing this too , but only when things really bother her - lol .

the earrings kiri made for her she cherishes deeply . she’d love to wear them all the time , but worries that they may break . instead , she wears them on casual days around town or on special occasions . they make a wonderful addition to her purple kimono . she barely notices the ‘ flaws ‘ on them & instead believes it gives them character . each imperfect line shows the effort that was put into gift , something that is priceless .

checking out the insects in the forest around the estate is another pass time of hers & she takes everyone along with her , typically in small groups ( unless her sister is around , then everybody comes along ) on rotation , but kiri is always invited on the trips . catching butterflies & releasing them is what they typically do but they tend to do other activities , such as ; have picnics , bird watching & other things in the forest . in the summer nights they catch fireflies !!

as the years go on & kiri begins to have strange dreams & tendencies , shinobu begins focusing on making a tea to help calm his nerves . when she finds him standing out in the rain , looking lost , she’ll scold him in anger as to mask the concern that veers on the edge of sadness . she doesn’t know how to deal with his episodes when he’s realizing his true identity but she’s always looking out for him & making sure her stresses isn’t known . she’s a worry - wort by nature after all .

shinobu & kanae tend to have discussions about him not aging . already having seen herself in him , she wonders if he’s destined to be tiny & frail like herself , which does make her sad . trying to make sure this doesn’t happen , she feeds him a lot more foods & special meals catered for him . but with this being something she can’t fix she eventually gives up . she accepts that they are probably a lot more a like than she knows ( or so she thinks ) .

i noticed that shinobu has 3 goldfish in her office . why not add a lil something to where they come from ? on new years eve , everyone goes out to watch the fireworks at the festival nearest to the estate ! during one of the new year festival’s they were attending , shinobu notices a goldfish game . she encourages kiri to play it with her & the two manage to catch the 3 fishies !! i was thinking that the two of em can come up with their names ?

after kanae’s passing shinobu almost completely shuts down . while still going to missions & doing things around the estate — she’s very reminiscent of a brainless zombie , just kinda moving on autopilot . there are moments where she snaps back , but it’s usually in the form of a panicked state . especially when the other tsugoku start to die . she gets even more protective of kiri at this point & makes sure aoi is looking out for him when she’s away .

as things die down a bit & shinobu starts to put her carefree mask on . since kiri is the closest to her , he’d probably notice shinobu taking a strange medicine & sitting in her medical office with an IV attached to her arm . she tries to keep this a secret from him , which may prove to be hard , but if she were to be confronted she’d say it’s simply a new medicine she’s trying out . she doesn’t want to worry him so she tries to keep her intentions a secret .

𝐤𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐞 𝐤𝐨𝐜𝐡𝐨

i can see the two of them spending a lot of time in the garden together . kanae loves to fill the estate with various plants & usually brings new potted flowers home whenever she passes through a town . one day in particular , she brought back a sunflower . possibly after noticing that he likes them , she decides to buy more & plant them around the estate with kiri . the sunflowers they planted bring many bumble bees & butterflies to the estate . their efforts is what really gives their mansion it’s name . shinobu appreciates the flowers that kanae & kiri planted around the estate . the flowers also brighten the place up & make everything look a lot happier !

when approached about making the butterfly earrings , kanae gushes at the idea ! she notices how close to shinobu he is & the idea makes her all giddy . whenever they are working on them together , she tries to make sure shinobu isn’t around whenever they work on em . at times she has to go out to distract her from seeing them by making silly excuses .

kanae loves to tell the story of the first flower breathe user & how the technique was developed . it’s a funny little thing that she does at least twice a year ! she often tells her other tsuguko or anyone who’s around when spring really starts to pick up — which is usually when she spends the most time arguably .

after learning that sanemi likes ohagi kanae decides to make them for him as treats . of course she makes them for her family at the butterfly estate & she usually gets aoi & kiri to help out . kanae has a bit of a sweet tooth & she loves to snack on homemade treats .

𝐤𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐨 𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐲𝐮𝐫𝐢 , 𝐚𝐨𝐢 𝐤𝐚𝐧𝐳𝐚𝐤𝐢 & 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐬

while quiet , kanao really appreciates spending time with kiri . she wouldn’t talk too much unless asked a direct question but she’s totally fine with sitting in silence . her coin is typically used for making big decisions , but she doesn’t use it all the time . responding to him is not much of an issue but silence & a smile is her typical response to most things he says .

when kanao receives the charm , there’s a lost expression on her face as she stares at it . she’s not lost but she doesn’t know how to react . there’s an immense amount of joy that she feels but she isn’t sure if it’s appropriate to express it , so she stares at it for a long time . the charm is always kept with her . it’s kept in her skirt pocket while she’s around the house , when she trains & out on missions . she always makes sure that it doesn’t get dirty . kanao is really good at evading attacks from demons but she always makes sure not to suffer an attack that could damage it — even if it may cost her taking a hit herself . ‘ it’s a precious gift given to me from kiri — i must treasure it at all costs ... it’s the only way i can show that i care ‘ is her thoughts about the charm . to her , it’s a symbol of their bond .

aoi keeps her talisman under her pillow . she’s always wanted a younger sister & kiri is the closest thing to that . just like she did for tsuyuri , aoi tries to convince kiri to convince him to take on her last name , lol !

the three youngster all look up to kiri & think he’s amazing . they would always go to him to read them a story before bed or something , lol .

𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐢 𝐤𝐚𝐧𝐫𝐨𝐣𝐢

mitsuri comes by the butterfly estate every now & again to say hi to shinobu & enjoys aoi’s cooking . she notices kiri right off the bat & greets him by waving her arms in the air vigorously . she’s excited to see him because of his hair !! she’s happy to see someone with an interesting hair colour & she wants to touch it & give him a hug !

she thinks he’s absolutely adorable & like shinobu , she likes braiding his hair once it grows longer ! she often styles his hair in three braids , like her own , so they can be twinsies !!

mitsuri invites shinobu & kiri over to her house to try her cooking . she specializes in western dishes & she loves to treat people to her meals ! while she cooks , she invites kiri to watch & maybe he picks up some recipes to try making with aoi . mitsuri also sends them home with honey whenever they visit ( she has a bee hive ) !!

did i mention that mitsuri has a bunny !? MITSURI HAS A BUNNY !! it’s a white lop ear named after her favorite flavour of mochi — ichigo ! she’s more than happy to let kiri play with her !

#˗ˋ *ﾟ ♦︎ ⟶ 𝐬𝐚𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫 ／ waterlord.#/ *eyes*

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themachiavellianpig · 4 years

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“I’m Telling My Story”: Ainsley Whitly, The Prodigal Daughter

Throughout the first half of season one, we can see a great deal of how Martin Whitly’s actions affected his wife and son, both of whom are still actively struggling with the guilt of having been in some way intimate with such a man. Ainsley, in contrast, seems relatively unaffected by the situation and even describes herself as “lucky” in comparison to her brother- she is at least five years younger than Malcolm and seems to remember little of her father, giving her a significant emotional disconnection from his crimes. In direct contrast to her brother, she can hold down a steady job, engage in close relationships, and doesn’t appear to be in any kind of therapy. Unlike her mother, she isn’t even shown to be self-medicating in any way - she simply does not seem to need such coping methods.

This relative stability is a gift, one for which Jessica explicitly gives herself credit: “Do you sleep at night? ...When you close your eyes, do you find peace? That peace is because of the choices I made. You can thank me any time you like.” (1x03)

And it’s a gift which, arguably, Ainsley squanders over the course of the first half of season 1.

“I don’t remember my dad. I was forbidden.” In the first ten episodes of Prodigal Son, we get to see some of the time immediately before and after Martin’s arrest, all from either Malcolm’s or Jessica’s point of view. We see nothing at all of Ainsley, except for a brief shot of her being held by her mother during Martin’s arrest. Given that Ainsley was only five years old at the time, this is admittedly unsurprising. Her memories of that time, so far as we know, are limited to Malcolm’s reassurances (“I was only five when Dad was arrested, I don’t really remember it. But I remember you. Telling me everything was going to be okay when you knew it wasn’t.”, 1x01).

But she would certainly remember what happened afterwards, in the twenty years between Martin’s arrest and the first episode of Prodigal Son. We do not know exactly how Malcolm and Ainsley grew up following Martin’s arrest, but we can make certain deductions.

Malcolm, as the person who discovered Martin’s true identity, as the one who was clearly and obviously traumatised by the discovery, would likely have been the focus of Jessica’s attention - in the same way that any child in crisis would be. Jessica’s active concern for Malcolm continues into the present day, clearly signposted in the first episode: Malcolm: “I assume you don’t break into Ainsley’s place like this.” Jessica: “God, no! She’s perfect. You’re my only concern.”

Additionally, we know that Martin Whitly, perfectly understandably, becomes something of a ghost in his former home. All reminders of him are packed away - there are no photos of him, his private study in the basement is walled up and forgotten, leading Malcolm to hide certain reminders of happier times in a shoebox under his bed. We don’t know exactly how Jessica navigates this particular transition from well-to-do nuclear family to tabloid fodder - how she told Ainsley the truth about her father or, quite frankly, if she ever did explicitly. Did Martin become something which simply was not spoken of in polite company, or indeed any company at all?

Ainsley’s choice of words in 1x03 (“I was forbidden”) suggests a harsher line than simple silence, potentially indicating that questions about Martin were not only frowned upon but actively discouraged. Martin Whitly, loving father, was gone for good; the Surgeon was all that remained, and the Surgeon was not to be discussed. As early as 1x03, Ainsley even says that she has no idea what being back in contact with Martin will do to her brother’s mental health because she has no knowledge of who or what Martin Whitly really is.

Just like Malcolm and Jessica, Ainsley seems to be struggling with having a connection to a monster. Regardless of the fact that she doesn’t remember having a familial relationship with Martin, he is her biological father - and if her mother and brother can’t give her the answers that she needs about him, she’s going to go straight to the source instead.

“Martin Whitly is your biggest fan.” Ainsley’s decision to meet with Martin in episode four is prompted, I would argue, by a combination of curiosity and, let’s be fair, the sort of spite that springs up when a controlling parent tells you not to do something - after all, she only goes to visit Martin after both her mother and her brother have done the same thing, all while maintaining that nobody should ever go and speak to the Surgeon. But I find it very interesting that she only makes the decision to visit him after her mother lets slip a brand new piece of information:

Ainsley: Thanks to both of you, he doesn’t even know I exist. Jessica: He knows all about you. He watches you every day. He daughter, the ace reporter. Martin Whitly is your biggest fan.

This information, it should be noted, is only news to Ainsley. We, the audience, see Martin watching one of Ainsley’s broadcasts in 1x02; in episode 1x03, he asks Malcolm to “Please tell your sister that her diction is impeccable!” and, in the same episode, he compliments Jessica on her excellent childrearing (“You did well, Jessica. I am so proud of him, and of Ainsley, and of you, for raising our beautiful children.”).

And, from my perspective, this information is also profoundly creepy. A convicted serial killer obsessively watches all of a homicide journalist’s broadcasts? That’s a two-parter of Criminal Minds right there.

But to Ainsley it’s a link, a connection, to a part of her life which she has never really been allowed to engage with. The trauma of Martin Whitly is written large on her mother and brother, but her trauma is second-hand and reactionary, which is admittedly a great improvement on the alternative, but would Ainsley see it that way? All children want to do is feel like they belong, and being the one left out - even the one left out of trauma - is never pleasant.

Now, through an offhand comment from her mother, Ainsley knows that her father is interested in her, and in her work - in direct contrast to her mother, who supports her work idly, never really watching her reports (“Not with the sound on!”, 1x01), who finally starts to tell her something real about her father and his opinion of her and then immediately tries to shut the conversation down (“Can we please talk about something else?”, 1x04).

And so Ainsley heads off to see her father for the first time in twenty years.

“You made him out to be just a monster.” We, the audience, had a full two weeks to wait between seeing Ainsley in Martin’s cell and hearing anything of the conversation that they shared, which was genuinely one of the most infuriating cliff-hangers I’ve seen for a while.

The meeting with Martin undoubtedly rattles Ainsley, albeit not in the way she expected. As Jessica points out, Ainsley went to that cell to meet a monster, and instead found a seemingly loving father (1x06). A man who regretted his absences in his daughter’s life and had filled the gaps with daydreams of “birthdays, piano recitals, dancing with [her] at the debutante ball” (1x06), daydreams in which, judging by the fantasies shared with Ainsley, he plays the starring role of Devoted Father. This conversation could have been repeated between any father-daughter duo separated in television plotlines around the world - the cause of that separation is so overlooked by Martin’s little fantasy to be actually hilarious.

And, by this point in the series, we’ve seen both Malcolm and Jessica be taken in by Martin’s acts, not to mention all the people that Martin had fooled during his days as an active serial killer, so it’s hardly surprising that Ainsley is at least a little taken in as well. The split between Martin-the-father and Martin-the-serial-killer is also one that has preoccupied Jessica and Malcolm throughout the twenty-years and it’s one that Ainsley, through her lack of memories about Martin, has been spared up until the moment she comes face to face with him, and asks him the “most important question”: ” “Was it real? … Did you love us or was it just some psychopathic act?”

The surviving members of the Whitly family may never really know the answer to that question - and it’s a question which has no easy answers. Which would truly be worse - being an unwilling cover story for a monster, or genuinely being loved by a monster?

But, for Ainsley, the question is no longer about what her relationship with Martin was; it’s about what it could be - or, more precisely, about what it could do for her.

“Ambition is not a dirty word.” The decision to interview Martin is one which, full disclosure, makes perfect sense from a professional point of view; an interview with a notorious serial killer, particularly one who had never spoken publicly about his crimes before, would be a feather in the cap of any crime journalist. She is also arguably the best choice to conduct such an interview from a creepy mercenary perspective - her familial relationship to the Surgeon gives the interview a sensationalist angle which would be impossible for any other network to easily duplicate - and, unlike the rest of her family, Ainsley has not yet been traumatised by Martin Whitly.

Of course, it's the ‘yet' in that last sentence that has Jessica and Malcolm so worried about Ainsley - her visiting Martin might be less immediately damaging that Malcolm or Jessica coming face to face with their own personal demon, but it's still very unlikely to be healthy.

Interestingly, Malcolm's concerns about the interview seem to be extremely focused on Ainsley's immediate personal safety ("You’re putting yourself in his cross hairs"), and his reaction on learning that she's already seen Martin is to ask if she is okay. Jessica, as the only member of the family who really remembers the immediate media aftermath of Martin's arrest, becomes far more focused on the potential PR concerns:

Jessica: Ainsley, if you do not have a plan to make him look bad, he will look good. Tell me you understand. Ainsley: Mother, these are the questions I sent. Not the questions I’m going to ask. Jessica: Alright. I see what you’re doing. Ainsley: Good. Can you stop worrying? Jessica: I am far more worried now. Ainsley: What? Why? Jessica: Thinking you are more clever than Martin Whitley, that’s the worst mistake you can make. He’ll exploit that. He’ll find a way to come off sympathetic and you will be sitting there like- Ainsley: Like what? Jessica: His accomplice.

Jessica, as we learn later in the season, was herself questioned by the police about her role in Martin's crimes, and I am sure that the media speculation around the Wife of the Surgeon would have been horrific and heartbreaking. She clearly does not want Ainsley to put herself through the same thing - and she certainly does not want Martin to have any opportunity to manipulate the wider population, as he has so easily manipulated his own family in the past.

This is not to say that Jessica has no concern for Ainsley's safety - her immediate reaction to the potential interview is to get the entire thing blacklisted by the network itself. It's only when Ainsley reveals a willingness to outplay her mother at that particular chess game that she relents - not to give her blessing, but to step back and allow Ainsley the dignity of her own choices.

And, potentially, Ainsley does take some of her mother's fears seriously - she insists on keeping Martin in his restraints during the interview, despite technical concerns from Jin the Cameraman, and she makes sure that the red safety line on the cell floor is in shot. She even refuses Hair and Makeup the chance to make Martin look anymore physically presentable before the interview begins.

The interview itself, however, does not go exactly as Ainsley had clearly wanted it to - first, Martin neatly sidesteps her attempts to throw past crimes in his face, then her brother interrupts with police business, then her cameraman gets stabbed. All in all, hardly a good day at the office.

The interplay between Martin and Ainsley hashes out the timeless question of what really makes a person - Ainsley focuses on the lives her took, complete with grisly details ("Billy Franklin, age 23. Aced his LSATs, wanted to become a civil rights lawyer. You removed his heart to see how long he could live without it. He died a gruesome, agonising death. My question is why?", 1x07), Martin fights backs with the lives he saved ("How about Corey Goldstein, age 10? A brutal car accident left him with a surely fatal aortic rupture. Until he landed in my OR, where I saved his life.") and the medical procedures he developed ("Did you know they named a medical procedure after me? ...I’ve heard a rumour that doctors still call it the Whitley, in hospitals all around the world", 1x07).

It's a far more complicated portrayal of evil that Ainsley had prepared for - she has no good response prepared for the accusation that Martin did some good in the world, unlike her pithy retorts about particular victims and what Martin did to them. We don't get the chance to see if Ainsley would have been able to retake control of the interview, given Malcolm's interruption, as his arrival gives Ainsley a very different line of attack - the only line of attack, it must be said, that ever seems to really rattle Martin. Ainsley is the only character in the first part of season 1 to really get under Martin's skin - but she can only do it by using her own brother as bait:

Ainsley: So. I mentioned a number of your victims earlier, but I’d like to discuss one more. Malcolm. Malcolm Whitly. Martin: I’m not sure I understand Ainsley: You claim to care about your son, but what you did twenty years ago harmed him irreparably. Martin: Well, that’s not true. Ainsley: Isn’t it? He’s been diagnosed with complex PTSD, generalised anxiety disorder, night terrors. Dr Whitley, do you know what happens to the human body when it withstands that much stress for that long a period of time? Martin: I’m not sure that’s relevant- Ainsley: He was fired from the only job he was ever good at. He hasn’t been in a stable relationship for years. And the ten years he went without seeing you were by far the happiest, healthiest of his life. Martin: Well, that’s absolutely not- Ainsley: What does that say about you, except for you’re an absolutely terrible father? Martin: I’m not. Ainsley: He just wanted to love you. And you caused him so much pain. Martin: Stop it. Ainsley: What kind of a father does that? Martin: Stop it! I was a good father, damn it!

This interaction goes on to form a crucial part of the interview - Martin's loss of control is featured in the introduction to the actual broadcast (as seen in 1x10) - and it was not at all discussed with Malcolm beforehand. We, the audience, are not entirely clear on how much information Martin had about his son's condition prior to Ainsley’s disclosure- he would have known some things, noticed symptoms such as the hand tremor, but that is still potentially miles away from Malcolm's having his mental health history spelt out like that in front of Martin and, potentially, in front of everyone who watched Ainsley's interview.

It's a successful and potentially satisfying manipulation of Martin, to be sure, but it's also a heart-wrenching violation of Malcolm, and Ainsley never seems to notice.

In a matter of hours, Ainsley double-downs on the notion of violating the privacy of others when she films Martin perform surgery on Jin the Cameraman, stabbed in the patient-uprising which Martin himself engineered. We never get to see Malcolm's reaction to his violation - he doesn't seem to challenge Ainsley on it directly in any way - but Jin does (1x08). Jin, when he wakes in the hospital to find that Ainsley filmed the surgery and didn't tell him about it, has a very simple and understandably reaction.

Jin: What is this? You filmed my surgery? Ainsley: I was going to tell you. I just- I- I- I got so caught up in the adrenaline and it was so compelling- Jin: Oh, was it? Was it compelling when I almost died? Ainsley: We went there to get a great story and we got one. I was doing my job! Jin: I understand. This is who you are. I just don’t think that’s the kind of person that I want to be with.

And Ainsley doesn’t try to apologise to her boyfriend, or try to explain herself any further - she leaves Jin in the hospital, taking the interview footage with her instead.

“I’m telling my story!” The interview, despite the various dramas around it all, is eventually broadcast. Thanks to Jessica’s well-thrown shoe (seriously), we never get to see the interview in its entirety (which is a great shame, seeing as we only see Ainsley get a few minutes of usable footage in 1x07), but we do get to see the introduction: “Dr Martin Whitley murdered 23 people as the Surgeon, making him one of the world’s most deadly serial killers. I’m Ainsley Whitley for American Direct News and the Surgeon is my father.”

The clips that we see include Martin's lose of control at being called a terrible father, which strongly implies that at least some of the section concerning Malcolm was kept in; we have no idea if the footage of Jin was used, although I'm assuming that he would have had to give permission for his own surgery to be shown on national television and, given his reaction in the hospital to the footage, I'm equally comfortable assuming that he would not have given such permission.

While Malcolm tries to watch the interview, possibly to support his sister, possibly to torture himself futher, Jessica is adament that she will not. Her initial plan seems to have been to pretend that it never happened; she only speaks to Ainsley about it when Ainsley pushes past her joking “no comment” to challenge Jessica on her perceived lack of support for her daughter's professional accomplishment.

This pushes Jessica to have perhaps the most genuine and honest conversation with her daughter about Martin and their past which they had ever had (1x10): Jessica: Your father destroyed us. Your brother and me. You put him on television and let him talk about it. You have gone and soaked yourself in blood. The press devoured us twenty years ago, and now they are at it again.

This information is given calmly, perhaps even dispassionately: for Jessica, the destruction of herself and her son is a simple matter of fact. Not to be spoken of, of course, but ever-present and utterly undeniable. She does not even become angry until Ainsley accuses her of "playing the victim": "I am not a victim! But there are victims. Real ones. How do you think those twenty-three families feel when they see you on television? And why is the story never about them?"

The story is not about them, of course, because for Ainsley, the story is currently about her. Ainsley's newfound 'ownership' over the Surgeon story is clearly spelled out in the interview's introduction ("the Surgeon is my father"), her reaction to the paparazzi outside her mother's home ("Any breaking news about my family is mine to report") and, finally, in her retort to Jessica's challenges over the entire interview: "I'm telling my story!"

But, as we've discussed earlier, Ainsley doesn't actually have a story with the Surgeon. In the real-crime biography of Martin Whitley, she's a footnote at best. Jessica, who married a monster, Malcolm, who unveiled a monster, the twenty-three or more people who died at the Surgeon's hands, the hundreds of people, including Jin, who had their lives saved by the Surgeon, they all have a story with the Surgeon. Ainsley simply does not. And in her attempts to create one during the first half of season 1, she only really gets anywhere when she uses the stories of others - her casual retelling of the horrific things the victims went through, her reveal of Malcolm's mental health diagnoses, her filming Jin's surgery.

Ainsley’s lack of personal connection to the Surgeon was her greatest asset in a very broken family at the beginning of the series; her attempt to create such a narrative when none organically existed has been the cause of pain for plenty of people other than herself.

All that remains to be seen is how this narrative - either genuine or manufactured - continues to develop in the second half of season 1.

#prodigal son #ainsley whitly #character profile #halston sage #themachiavellianpig overthinks

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i-write-and-therefore-i-am · 4 years

Text

One Monstrous Miracle (Part Four)

Hey guys! I’d meant to get this out earlier today, but I’d also meant for it to be about 3,000 words shorter, so there we are. As always, give this chapter a cheeky little vibe check, and let me know if you find any mistakes! I love you all, enjoy, all those good things. Yay, melatonin! (Pssst! Also, if you’d rather read on Ao3 instead, here it is).

Previous-Next-First

Pairing: Aziraphale/Human!reader

Summary: Tender ANGST. Very angsty, might make you cry, i dunno.

Warnings: Aziraphale says a word that Microsoft Word told me may offend my readers, but other than that, I think we’re good. Let me know if I missed something!

Word Count: A WHOPPING 5295!! They’re getting loooooooonger.

This day, like many days, started off deceptively the same as always. Aziraphale had gotten up on the right side of the bed, the weather was not particularly noteworthy, and there was no string of minor accidents that would lead anyone to believe that this was going to be a Very Bad Day Indeed. Nevertheless, unbeknownst to most parties involved, this day was, in fact, going to be a Very Bad Day Indeed, possibly even The Worst Day Ever.

Aziraphale had been feeling happier than he could remember ever having been in his whole life. After you had shown up in his shop after weeks of not speaking to him, the two of you had spent very little time apart. You had resumed your habit of stopping by after work, much to Aziraphale’s great relief. He had missed you dearly, and he was enormously grateful that you had found it in your heart to forgive him. He shuddered when he thought of that night, remembering how terrified you had looked. Aziraphale had truly never felt quite as angry as he had when Crowley had insulted you, and it brought him right back to his younger days as a fiery agent of the Lord, smiting all who dared to cross Her. He had locked that part of him away, and until that fight with Crowley, he had all but forgotten about it. He’d decided very firmly that you would never again see him like that.

Today, Crowley had demanded that Aziraphale come over to his flat to make what he called an “Apocalypse Plan”. Things were getting rather sticky lately, and their search for the true Antichrist seemed fruitless. It was time, Crowley said, to bring out the “big guns”. What those guns were Aziraphale had no idea, but he could only hope that it wasn’t anything too drastic. He had just bought his new coat, after all. He’d made a quick call to you before closing his shop and heading over to Crowley’s.

“I’m terribly sorry my dear, but I’m afraid I don’t know when I’ll be home. Crowley is rather—”

“Difficult. I know, Azi, it’s okay. Take your time.”

Warmth bloomed over Aziraphale, and he couldn’t help the tender smile that worked its way across his face. You were so full of understanding, something that he’d had precious few encounters with during his time on Earth. As much as he loved humans and all their little quirks and flaws, it sometimes bothered him that for most of his life, he had been completely alone. Sure, there was Crowley, and he was absolutely infuriating but somehow endearing, but he was a demon, after all. There were fundamental things that they just would never understand about each other, no matter how long they’d been friends. You were different. You accepted Aziraphale, never questioning him or teasing him (of course you teased him, but never about his weight, or his obsession with books, or how the noises he made when eating sushi) or making him feel the way that the other angels invariably did. It was one of the many reasons he’d found he loved you for.

“Thank you, Y/N. I will call you if I get back earlier than I expect.”

“Thanks, Aziraphale. Have fun with Crowley! Give him my love.”

That was another thing. Aziraphale had been terrified that after such a disastrous first meeting, you would hate Crowley. Somehow, the exact opposite had happened, and after the two of you had gotten used to each other’s presence, you’d become fast friends. Aziraphale hadn’t realized how close the two of you had gotten until Crowley had yanked him into the back room of his shop one night and given him the sternest dressing-down the demon could probably muster, and promised that Aziraphale would regret ever having been created if he hurt you again. “Aren’t you meant to be on my side, dear boy?” Aziraphale had asked bemusedly, feeling very wrongfooted. “Oh, I am. I’ve already talked to her, she’s good. I just need to make sure that you don’t fuck this up, Angel.” Aziraphale had, through his tears, assured him that he had no intention of intentionally hurting you as long as you would have him (as a friend, of course).

“I will. See you soon, my dear.”

“See you. Bye!”

Aziraphale hung up, already missing the sound of your voice. He shut the lights off and headed out of the shop, locking the door behind him. Although he was a celestial being, and most definitely could make himself appear at Crowley’s door with little more than a thought, he found he enjoyed taking public transport. It was blessedly slower than riding in Crowley’s car, and it allowed him time to sit and watch the people around him. Aziraphale found himself strangely emotional as he looked around him at all the advances humans had made over the thousands of years he had walked among them. All the subtleties, the headphones in a young man’s ears, a little girl reading a book half the size of her head, a woman applying hand sanitizer. All these things made his heart ache with admiration. Yes, despite all the atrocities that humanity had perpetuated, Aziraphale knew that the vast majority of them were worth saving. He shifted in his seat, waiting for his stop.

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Aziraphale hadn’t expected the absolute destruction that awaited him when Crowley opened his door twenty minutes later. Papers were littered everywhere, plastered on the wall, hanging from bits of string from the ceiling, and covering nearly every surface in the flat, including much of the floor. Aziraphale tilted his head, surveying the inexplicable damage.

“Are you…quite alright, dear boy?” Aziraphale inquired as Crowley shut the door behind him. Crowley came to stand beside him, and Aziraphale took the opportunity to look his friend over.

Crowley had always been obsessed with his appearance, even in the early days when self-grooming hadn’t quite been invented yet. Crowley was even worse than Aziraphale himself was at times, which was truly frightening. Today, however, seemed to be rather a large exception to the rule. Not one item on the demon’s body matched, even down to his feet, the left of which sported a thick, woolly sock, while the other was covered with bright green fabric with miniature snakes all over. “At least he’s wearing trousers,” Aziraphale thought gratefully. Crowley turned his wild and un-sunglassed eyes towards Aziraphale, and he quickly retracted his gratefulness. The day was not over yet.

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I be? I’m perfectly fine, nothing to worry about. Shall we sit?”

Aziraphale stared, feeling the gears turning almost painfully in his head. What on Earth had happened to Crowley? He had never acted this way, even during the chaos of the witch trials of the 16th and 17th centuries. He seemed…unhinged. As most people are no doubt aware, and if not, they can at the very least assume, an unhinged demon is a very dangerous demon. Aziraphale could do nothing but watch his friend as he pranced over to the desk at the center of the room, trying desperately to think of his next course of action. Crowley gestured impatiently at him and Aziraphale had no choice but to acquiesce. He was nearly to the desk when he was distracted by the sound of rustling leaves in the next room. He tilted his head, listening. His lips pursed in response to what he heard.

“Crowley, I’ve told you before that you simply must take better care of these creatures!” Aziraphale gasped, forgetting everything else. Crowley clicked his forked tongue dismissively.

“They’re just plants, Angel, I don’t understand why you’re always so concerned about them. And I don’t see any problems with them, anyway. Look at how green they are!” Aziraphale could tell that he had directed that last part to the plants, because they all gave a collective, terrified shudder. Aziraphale sighed in resignation and turned to the poor things, cooing and soothing their frayed nerves.

“Don’t mind him, my dears. You’re all lovely, no matter what the evil demon says—”

“I can hear you!”

Aziraphale ignored Crowley in favor of sending cool, calming thoughts to the plants. He didn’t leave them until their leaves stopped trembling. Feeling very satisfied with himself, Aziraphale turned back to the desk. He strode over and sat at one of the (significantly less ornate than Crowley’s own “throne”) chairs, shifting uncomfortably. He waited for Crowley to start explaining himself.

“As you know, the Antichrist is…missing—”

“You could, possibly, skip that bit seeing as we both know this part of the problem,” Aziraphale interjected. He was the very epitome of patience at the best of times, but this was decidedly not the best of times, and he was quite eager to fix this mistake that was all Crowley’s fault and had absolutely no connection to Aziraphale whatsoever. The fate of the world as we know it was at stake, after all. Crowley huffed, clearly upset that Aziraphale had cut off his carefully practiced speech, but Aziraphale really couldn’t find it in him to care (This was a lie: Aziraphale cared a great deal).

“Fine.” Crowley hissed. He opened his mouth to say more, but he was interrupted by insistent knocking at the door.

Silence. Neither of them moved a muscle, staring wide-eyed at each other. Nothing happened for a moment, but then the knocks came again, louder than before. Aziraphale barely kept himself from letting out a pathetic whimper, earning him a deathly glare. Aziraphale started bouncing his leg, trying to resist the urge to open the door. As an angel, it was just not in his character to ignore someone, no matter the context. Crowley knew this about him and was trying to ease his anxiety.

“C’mon angel, leave it be. They’ll leave. It’s probably some teenager trying to sell magazine subscriptions.” Crowley thought at the angel. He knew immediately that he had used the wrong words because Aziraphale’s expression turned into one he knew well—it was the exact one he wore when complaining about how Crowley treated his plants. Aziraphale’s eyes were so full of compassion it nearly made the demon gag with its intensity.

“The poor child! They’re probably selling to provide for their family, or the like. Oh, Crowley, you know I can’t leave them out there!”

Before Crowley could stop him, Aziraphale had jumped up from his chair and was rushing towards the door. A feeling of growing doom washed over him as Aziraphale disappeared behind the wall separating the front door from the rest of the flat. Something was horribly wrong.

Perhaps because he hadn’t been paying enough attention, or because his mind had been so preoccupied with the vision of the poor, snotty-nosed, raggedy youth swimming in his mind, but whatever it was, Aziraphale hadn’t picked up on the same ominous feeling as his demonic counterpart. Guileless, Aziraphale turned the doorknob and swung open the door. The sight that greeted him turned his stomach to lead and set his heart beating faster than it had the right to even think about working. He schooled his features into his usual, easy going smile, all the while thinking desperately at Crowley from across the flat.

“It’s angels. Stay quiet.”

“Michael! And Uriel.” There was a flash of diamond-studded teeth, and Aziraphale felt his throat constrict. “And, ah, Sandalphon. What a surprise! W-What brings you here, exactly?”

“We could ask you the same thing, Aziraphale,” Michael responded, a terrifying glint in their eyes. “It is rather odd to find you here, of all places.” Aziraphale had no idea what to do. He had been caught out, finally, after all these millennia, and he was going to be discorporated, or worse, and there was nothing he could do about it. He was finished. He would never eat sushi again, never dance the gavotte, never see Y/N—

“Here? Whatever do you mean?” Aziraphale inquired, trying to look as innocent as a very clearly guilty person could. Sandalphon snarled but Michael silenced him with a look.

“Here as in the known residence of the demon Crowley, the very same Crowley that you have been providing reports on for last 200,000 years. How very interesting that we would find you here, in his home.” Uriel had always had such a knack for quiet intimidation, and she used it now. Aziraphale gulped, shifting from one foot to the other. He had to think of something, and quickly. Sandalphon broke from the group and moved closer to Aziraphale, so close that Aziraphale nearly went cross-eyed looking down his nose at the shorter being. The angel sniffed at his coat, taking one of the worn lapels and rubbing it in between his clawed fingers.

“Hmm. Smells evil.” He stepped back into rank, glaring at Aziraphale. Aziraphale swallowed hard, praying for strength.

“Well, ah, that would be because…” He trailed off, wracking his brain for anything, literally anything, to tell them. As they were essentially Gabriel’s innermost circle of confidantes in Heaven, Aziraphale knew that if he let them leave this place thinking that he had been working with the enemy instead of against, that would be the end of everything.

“What’s going on?” He heard Crowley thinking at him.

“Shut up! And stay that way.” He could feel Crowley’s indignation, but he obeyed.

“’Because’ what, Aziraphale?” Michael demanded. Aziraphale looked between the three angels, and suddenly, out of nowhere, the words flooded into his mind.

“Because I was doing surveillance!” Aziraphale blurted before he’d had the chance to think about it. The angels frowned, skeptical.

“Surveillance?” Uriel repeated, sharing a look with Michael. Aziraphale nodded, feeling his heartrate slow as his anxiety left him.

“Surveillance, my friends. I have been monitoring Crowley’s actions more closely since the birth of the Antichrist. I decided to have a bit of a peek around here to see if he had any…”

“Information?” Sandalphon supplied.

“That’s the ticket! Information. Unfortunately, you arrived not long after I did, so I haven’t been able to find anything of note just yet—”

“Well, then, let us help you, Aziraphale!” Michael interrupted, moving to push past him into the flat. Aziraphale grabbed their arm, keeping them from moving any further. “What in—”

“Crowley can’t sense my presence, with me being but lowly principality in comparison to you. You, being an Archangel, I can imagine that even Crowley would be able to tell if you’d been in his flat. Your imminence.” Aziraphale saw the slight blush that appeared on Michael’s face at his words. They had always been a bit of a narcissist, and the fastest way into their good spirits would always be cheap and simply flattery. They stepped back, straightening their blazer and clearing their throat.

“That is true. Even so low a demon as Crowley would be able to sense my power. Very well, then, Aziraphale, I’ll leave you to it. But know that we” they gestured to their companions. Uriel smirked at him while Sandalphon grinned, showing off his sparkling, sharpened teeth. “are watching you.”

With that, the three of them vanished. Aziraphale was left in corridor alone, still trying to come to terms with what had just happened. Slowly he realized that the taste of miracles lingered in his mouth, dancing on the tip of his tongue. This was no ordinary miracle, however. This miracle tasted of mana, of saltwater taffy and just a hint of last week’s winning lottery numbers. How odd. Aziraphale spun around and raced back into the flat to relay everything to Crowley.

“So your people are onto us. Of course it would happen now, of all times. We’ve just gotta be more careful…Angel? What’s wrong?” Crowley had caught sight of the expression on Aziraphale’s face; one of complete and utter despair, like all his dreams had come crashing down around him all at once. Alarmed, the demon pushed out of his chair and came closer to his friend. “Hey, it’s not that bad, we’ve prepared for this—”

“Y/N.” Aziraphale lifted his head to look Crowley in the eye. “She’s in danger. If they’ve been watching me, then they know about her and if they don’t already, they will know soon enough.” Crowley slumped, knowing it was true. He also knew what Aziraphale was about to do next.

“I can’t see her anymore.” If Crowley had had a heart, it would have broken into a million tiny pieces at the raw despair in the Angel’s voice. He knew how you both felt about each other, and how, after spending all that time apart, having to break off your growing relationship off once again would destroy both of you. He said nothing. “They will kill her, Crowley.”

“I know.” Neither of them said anything after that. Aziraphale took a deep, shuddering breath, opened his mouth as if to talk, but then shut it again. Crowley put a hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“But I also know that if you push her away like this, after what happened before, she might not come back,” When Aziraphale met his eyes, he knew that that didn’t matter to the Angel. He loved you so much that keeping you safe meant more to him than being near you. Crowley gave his friend’s shoulder a squeeze and nodded.

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You were running late, not that it truly mattered. Aziraphale had called you an hour ago to tell you that he had, in fact, gotten home from Crowley’s earlier than expected and that you could come over for a spot of cocoa if you wished. You had spent almost 45 minutes trying to get dressed. For whatever reason, you’d decided to try and look nice for a change, rather than your usual scrubs or wrinkled work clothes. A random idea had popped into your head, making you wonder how Aziraphale would react to seeing you in make up for the first time. So, wearing one of your nicest blouses and skirts with your least favorite pair of achy heels, you were speed walking down Aziraphale’s street. The familiar feeling of butterflies in your belly increased in intensity the closer you got to the shop. Maybe today was the day you would finally tell him how you truly felt about him. Then again, maybe it wasn’t.

You weren’t expecting to see Aziraphale standing in the middle of the main room of the shop. Usually he was off in the back or upstairs even, but it was rare to see him out front. Especially when he wasn’t shelving books, which he definitely wasn’t. You frowned, closing the door behind you and moving to stand in front of him. There was something…off about the man today, something that you couldn’t quite put your finger on, but you knew it was there regardless.

“Azi, wha—”

“Hello, Y/N. May I get you some of that cocoa?” Aziraphale started, as though you’d never opened your mouth. You could tell that something was well and truly wrong now—Aziraphale didn’t have an impolite bone in his body. He would never cut you off when you were trying to speak. Your frown deepened as you tried to look him in the eyes, but he stared resolutely at a point just above your head.

“No, Aziraphale, what’s the matter?” He tilted his head to the side, eyebrows scrunched together as he looked down at you.

“’The matter’? Nothing’s the matter. Everything is fine, my dear.” He paused. You watched as his expression, already more shuttered that you had ever seen it, darken even further, making his face go blank. You were shocked. You had never seen Aziraphale like this, and you had no idea what had happened to make him so…angry? You couldn’t tell. All you could do was wait for him to continue.

A war was raging inside of Aziraphale, as it had been for the last few hours. A million possibilities floated around his mind, each one more ludicrous than the last. He could tell you that he was going on holiday and that you would see him in oooh…never because the world was doomed to end within the year. He could tell you that an old relation had passed away and that he needed to go home to Wales to settle the…whatever it was that humans settled when a loved one died. He could tell you the truth, that he loved you too much to keep you, that he was of the second-highest choir of angels and that some very bad angels were hunting for his golden blood as you spoke. Or he could say nothing, invite you upstairs for some telly and cuddling and continue living in this little bubble that the two of you have lovingly and tenderly created for yourselves. You could go on living in happiness…until, of course, Gabriel found out and smote you quite dead. The thought sent a trail of ice racing down his spine. He shook his head violently. Crowley’s lie it was, then.

“Actually, there is something that I need to speak with you about.” On instinct, your had shot out and reached for his but he pulled his hand back out of your reach. Hurt, you stared at him in shock. What the hell was happening? Was he breaking up with you? Not that the two of you were in a real relationship just yet, but after your talk, after everything, was this the end? Before it had even started? You refused to believe that your Azi could be so cruel.

“I…I can’t. I can’t do this.” Came the harsh nail in the coffin of your dreams. Tears sprang to your eyes but you held them back valiantly. Aziraphale could see them, trembling on your bottom eyelid, threatening to fall and to ruin this whole thing. His next words came out in a hurry, as though he was afraid if he didn’t say them quickly, he wouldn’t say them at all. Perhaps that was true.

“This. Us.” He gestured between the two of you. “Its…superfluous. I’m done with it and I am done with you. You were convenient, naieve and willing at a time when I was bored and lonely. That’s over now, and so is this. You can’t come to the shop anymore. Don’t call me because I won’t answer the phone. We’re done.”

Now, it is important that you know that angels don’t need to breathe. Well, perhaps that is a bit extreme. They do breathe, they have working cardiorespiratory systems that pump their golden blood throughout their bodies, just not with the same frequency as other life forms. In fact, an angel can hold their breath for years, which you may take anyway you wish. But in this moment, Aziraphale struggled to draw breath. As he watched the tears fall down your cheeks, ruining the liner and mascara that you had no doubt spent a great deal of time perfecting, he knew that there was no coming back from this. You would leave him, you would grow to hate him, if you didn’t already. He would never see you again.

But at least he knew you would be safe.

Aziraphale turned, unable to torture himself any further by watching you cry in front of him and not doing anything about it. His fingers itched to take you into his arms and hold you, to take back everything he had just said, but he restrained himself. This was how it had to be. He squared his shoulders, speaking without turning back,

“I’m sure you can show yourself out.” That was it. The last time he would ever lay eyes on you and he couldn’t even bring himself to look you in the eye. Gabriel was right, he had always been right. God had made some terrible mistake, appointing him a Principality. “Angel of the Eastern Gate” his divine bollocks. More like sniveling, fat coward who fails at everything and—

Aziraphale looked down to see your hand, smaller and softer than his own, covering his. He frowned at it, his grief-addled brain taking longer than normal to come up with an explanation. Surely you had stormed out of the shop in angry tears, vowing to hate the thought of him forever. How could your hand be here, slipping its fingers through his and intertwining themselves together as though they belonged that way? He turned his head, seeing that your hand was, in fact, connected to your arm, which was, surprise upon surprise, connected to you. You were still there, blotchy faced and bright-eyed, but still there, standing in his shop, stubbornly refusing to leave even after he had said all those terrible things to you. He raised an eyebrow at you, feeling faint headed.

“Do you hate me?” You asked, feeling very brace. Aziraphale turned around to face you fully, unable to believe what you had just asked him.

“No! Not—”

“Did I do something to offend you? Or to make you angry with me?” Aziraphale shook his head. He had to force you to leave him, but he found that he couldn’t let you leave thinking that he felt those awful things about you.

“Then why are you doing this to me? Is someone forcing you for whatever reason. Just tell me the truth, Azi,” At this, she gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “I will try to understand.”

And it was then, that Aziraphale finally understood. Of course you would . You were kind, and patient, and the most forgiving soul he had ever met on Earth. Of course you would see through his veneer and into his true self, the one that called out to you even as he tried to push you away. He didn’t say anything at first, trying to filter his words and find the right things to say. Being as perfect as you always were, you stood there, eagerly waiting but not pushing. He did not deserve you in his life. He stepped forwards, bringing his free hand to grasp your other hand. He brought them up to his chest, resting over his heart.

“Alright. Alright, I am going to tell you something, but I cannot explain, and I cannot tell you anything more than what I am about to say. You must promise me that you won’t ask any questions until I tell you to.” “When will that be?” Aziraphale cracked a small smile, but it melted away as soon as it had appeared.

“I’m afraid I don’t know, my dear. But you must trust me. Please.” He could see the familiar fire of defiance in your eyes as you hesitated to respond. But once again, he stood in awe as you nodded.

“Yes. Of course I trust you, Azi. Tell me what’s wrong.” He was not able to stop himself from bending his neck to press a grateful kiss to your hands. You gasped quietly but said nothing. He began.

“Thank you. You’ve no idea how much that means to me. I’ll get straight to it: being with me puts you in a very real, very serious sort of danger. Know that I wouldn’t dream of putting you through all of this unless it was so serious. I cannot bear the thought that your life may be in danger because of me.” He paused, watching your face, trying to figure out what you were thinking. He could read your mind, of course, but that would be terribly improper. Instead, he had to deal with this the hard way—difficult conversation.

“So…my life is in danger?”

“When you are with me, yes. I am truly sorry, Y/N. I wish things were different. I find that I…” He trailed off, caught in your beloved gaze, and he found that he could no longer hold back. Not when this was the last time he would be with you. It was now or never, and never was certainly not a legitimate option. “I find that I have fallen in love with you. Yes. I…I love you, Y/N, and that is exactly why I must keep you as far away from me as I can. I need you to be safe, and I would never forgive myself if something happened to you because of me.”

Your face did the most extraordinary thing. For a second, you stared at Aziraphale, understandably overwhelmed with all of this new information he had thrown at you. He waited, as courteous as ever, for you to piece it all together. When you did, your face bloomed into the most radiant smile Aziraphale had ever seen. His heart leapt in his chest at the sight, so wholly unprepared for something so beautiful.

“I understand. I really do understand, Aziraphale.” You said, inexplicably. Aziraphale felt on the verge of tears as he looked at you and saw that you were telling the truth. Hope flooded him, fierce and intense, and for the first time in hours, he thought that maybe he didn’t have to lose you forever. Maybe this wasn’t goodbye. You kept going. “I can’t say that this doesn’t hurt, because it does. Because…I love you too. I have done for months and I’ve always been too afraid to tell you. But I might as well tell you now, so you don’t go moping around without me.” You both chuckled at that. You stayed still for a few moments, drinking in this last bit of time together for the foreseeable future. You knew it couldn’t last, however much you wanted it to, and so eventually, you pulled your hands gently out of his and took a step back.

“So this is goodbye, I suppose?” You asked, already missing his warmth. He nodded, feeling much the same way.

You stood and watched each other, trying to commit the other’s face to memory. Neither of you knew when you would be seeing each other again. Impulsively, you sprung forwards, startling Aziraphale with your sudden movement towards him. He wasn’t sure what you were up to, but he found out almost instantaneously, as he felt your soft lips press a small kiss against his cheeks. Heat rushed through his body, but he was able to control himself—barely. He blinked stupidly as you pulled away, smiling mischievously at him. You were still very close to him, so close that he could see the flecks of gold in your eyes that he adored so much. You fidgeted with his coat, and Aziraphale had to keep himself from wincing at the thought that you were fingering the same place that Sandalphon had earlier. He let you continue, content to watch and wait. You eventually did what you had set out to do, which was straighten his lapels and collar, and you patted his chest in satisfaction. You sighed and looked up at him.

“Come back to me, Azi, okay?” Aziraphale’s hands came up, entirely of their own volition, to grip tightly around her waist in response.

“Of course I will! I promise, my love, I will come back to you once all of this…kerfuffle is over.”

A little while later, you were leaving, turning, walking out of the bookshop and away from Aziraphale.

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“There she is!”

“Hush, you’ll get us caught!”

“Sorry, I’m just so…”

“I know. One my mark…now!”

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“Authorities are asking for anyone who has any information about the possible whereabouts of the missing person to please call 999. Can you repeat that information for our listeners, Bob?”

“Of course, Janet. Her name is Y/N L/N, and she is believed to have been kidnapped on her way home late last night. Please, keep both her and her family and friends in your prayers tonight.”

“Thank you, Bob. Now on to the weather. Sue?”

Tag List:

@chelsfic @lordbeezyprinceofhell @bi-andreadyto-cry @petalduck @dreamerkim @stripedbugs @aelin-thefirebreathingbitchqueen @caligirl1992

PLEASE tell me if you want to be added/taken off/have asked before but I’m stupid and I never added you!!!

#mine #aziraphale x reader #Aziraphale #crowley #michael sheen #good omens #One Monstrous Miracle

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wronqness99 · 5 years

Text

Sweet Heart

> About my writing

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Warnings: Mentions of suicide/suicidal behaviour and depression

Word Count: 2.5K+

Characters: St. Van/Lee GeumHyuk (VAV) X Female Reader

Inspired by VAV’s song Sweet Heart (composed by our wonderful ACE)

*The image doesn’t belong to me, credits to the owner.*

Y/N had met GeumHyuk during what she considered to be the worst time of her life.

He had felt an instant connection with the girl from the very first time he saw her at the psychiatric ward of the hospital he worked at. Every time she went in for an appointment, the man made sure to take a break just so they could talk and get to know one another for a while.

During those moments, Y/N and Geumhyuk had been able to develop a friendship. He had gotten to know her favourite colour was orange, that she loved nature, reason why she often went on hikes and that listening to music was her way of disconnecting from the world, allowing her to create a safe place within her own mind even if just for a short period of time. Geumhyuk had even had the pleasure of meeting her younger brother, Park Heejun, whom he found to be such a nice and caring kid, always worrying and taking care of his noona, sometimes even going to the extent of scheduling appointments of his own just so he could talk to his sister's doctor in order to better understand her condition and learn what he could do to help her health get back on track.

The younger boy was well aware of GeumHyuk's feelings for his noona and he could definitely tell she had become significantly happier prior to meeting the receptionist. Heejun had developed some kind of hope that the man would be the one to exorcise the demons from his sister's pretty brain. He had hopes that he'd be the one to save her.

Y/N started scheduling her appointments according to Geumhyuk's shifts, that way they were able to go on dates, whether that involved going to the cinema and eating together or simply walking home together. The red headed male always insisted on walking Y/N home first and then taking the bus to his own home. He liked to make sure she got home safe and sound.

On one of those days, while walking to a pizzeria close to the hospital, Y/N had acquired the courage to hold his hand for the first time. Geumhyuk was taken aback for a moment after their skins came into contact, a big smile breaking through his plump lips as he registered what had just happened. The man leaned over and placed one of his hands on her cheek, pulling her closer and pressing his lips to her temple. Y/N looked at him, their eyes meeting as a dreamy smile took over their expressions.

They ate their pizza over a good conversation, a dosage of heartfelt laughs and a wave of positive energies that filled the whole room. After dinner, they headed to a local store and bought some chocolate ice cream, heading over to the man's place for a movie night filled with snacks and sweets, something GeumHyuk would generally oppose to, but decided to make an exception for her.

After they had set everything on the small table of his living room, they finally sat down on the couch next to one another, ready to watch her favourite movie, "The Corpse Bride", which GeunHyuk had never seen or even heard of. That piece of information had shocked Y/N who had then firmly insisted on making it the choice of the night, insisting that despite its sad nature, the movie told a story too beautiful not to be known.

A small smirk formed on Geumhyuk's lips as he felt her gaze on him, his eyes averting towards her own.

"I want to cuddle you," she stated cutely, a pout forming on her lips. The red headed man chuckled and opened his arms wide so she could make them her home for the night.

"What are you still doing there then?" Y/N smiled moving closer to him, his arms holding her close to his body as hers circled his middle, allowing them both to feel each other's warmth. The girl smiled, head leaning against his chest as she tilted it up so she could see his handsome face, their eyes meeting in the process.

"Oppa, actually... There is one more thing I would like to do. I hope you don't get mad at me," She said barely above a whisper, biting her lip. His eyebrows furrowed, curious about what it was the girl wanted so badly. His heart skipped a beat as he felt her soft lips pressed against his plump ones in a chaste kiss.

"Are you mad?" The girl questioned hesitantly after breaking the kiss, her hand moving towards his face and caressing his round cheeks that she loved so much with a feather like touch. Geumhyuk chuckled and caressed her hip, shaking his head and pulling her in for another kiss, a deeper one this time. The girl smiled against his lips, her hand tangling onto the short hairs in the back of his head. They pulled away feeling slightly out of breath, their eyes glimmering as they looked at one another.

"Lee GeumHyuk, I think I'm in love with you," Y/N stated, still trying to catch her breath.

"Well, that's good, because I know I love you."

That night, after watching the movie, Y/N ended up sleeping over at his house, waking up the next morning to Geumhyuk's awesome, sweet voice singing right next to her ear. Looking to the side, Y/N saw him singing, a bright smile taking over his lips as he noticed she had woken up. His left hand was supporting his head as he laid by her side while his right one held an orange-ish yellow rose. Y/N's eyes glimmered in amazement as a smile broke through her lips.

" I didn't know you could sing," she said, her smile evident in her voice. Geumhyuk's smile widened and he leant forward, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Did you sleep well?" He questioned receiving a nod in return. Geumhyuk looked at the rose he held, extending it in her direction. Y/N sat up and smiled, accepting the rose as a rosy colour took over her cheeks.

"Thank you!"

Geumhyuk sat up and held her free hand, eyes locking with her's right after.

"So, about last night..." He started, being interrupted by the girl.

"I meant every word I said," She stated firmly, looking him dead in the eye.

"Then... Y/N, will you be my girlfriend?" He questioned, a smirk appearing at the corner of his lips. The girl's eyes filled with tears.

"If you are willing to deal with my depressed, crazy self... Then, sure," She replied her hand tangling with the hairs on the back of his head as she pulled him in for a kiss. When they pulled away, the man left a soft kiss on the tip of her nose, a sense of peace and happiness filling their beings.

"Well, my beautiful girlfriend, we have banana pancakes that I made for you in the kitchen."

Hearing Geumhyuk’s words, Y/N jumped out of bed and ran towards the kitchen, making him laugh before getting up and following his now girlfriend's steps.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everything had been going great for the couple. Heejun could not shut up about how he had predicted the couple since the beginning, which always made his sister blush, wondering if she had been that obvious over her feelings for Geumhyuk.

"It was really obvious! And it was equally as obvious how head over heels in love with you he was as well, how could you not notice? He did everything in his power to see you happy, to make you smile, to scare those terrible ideas away from your pretty little brain..." He pressed his lips into a thin line, looking at his noona. "And we both know he is the reason you haven't taken yourself away from us," Heejun stated hesitantly. Y/N knew he was right.

Lee Geumhyuk had brought colour and happiness to her life. His kindness and care towards the girl had managed to scare her ghosts away.

She had spent years going to the psychiatrist in order to cure something Geumhyuk had been able to scare away in a matter of months solely with the love he had for her. He made her want to stay alive. She wanted to live for what their love story could be. He didn't judge her, he loved her for who she was, he made her feel loved and special. Y/N felt happy just hearing his laugh, there was nothing in the world capable of calming her down more than his sweet voice. Lee Geumhyuk had been like a breath of fresh air in the girl's worthless life.

This was the reason why what happened next was so unexpected.

One day while at work Geumhyuk got a call from a very frantic Heejun, who tried to speak through tears and desperation, making it hard for the older man to understand his words.

"Heejun, calm down, I can't understa-"

"Hyung, noona just texted me, the thoughts are back, she said she's gonna..." His throat closed up on him, more tears spilling from his eyes at the thought of losing his sister forever. Geumhyuk went static, swallowing hard.

"It can't be..." He mumbled, his eyes shaking. The man blinked as if trying to wake up from a nightmare, however, everything was very real.

"I'll be right there." Geumhyuk finished the call with a shaky voice, his heart beating faster than ever before. He needed to get to her fast. Grabbing his belongings, the man ran out, not worrying about the possible repercussions his action could have.

He couldn't understand.

Everything had been going so well, what could possibly have triggered her depression again?

Thinking about it just made him run faster, the wind making the traces of his tears even more evident as it made them run down his cheeks faster, some even dissipating into his hair. He just wanted to save her. All Geumhyuk wanted was for Y/N to be ok.

Getting to the front of the sibling's house, the receptionist ran to the front door, thanking all the Gods she'd given him a key to the place earlier on their relationship. The man pushed the door open and immediately heard Heejun's screams coming from upstairs, which made him bolt there, finding the younger male trying to force the bathroom door open.

"Heejun," He called, as he walked in his direction, making the youngest look at him.

"Hyung," He sobbed. "I was at work and I got this text from her saying she's a burden for everyone and that she can't keep the ones she loves the most from living a happy life." Geumhyuk shook his head and looked at the door.

"Is she in there?"

"She is, she isn't opening the door or answering me... I'm scared." He stated lowly with a wobbly voice. He was afraid of they were going to find on the other side of the door. Heejun hoped they were still in time to save her.

"Let's try to break in, we might be able to put the door down together," The older said, getting into position. "Ok, on three." Proceeding to the countdown, both men threw themselves at the door, finally succeeding at breaking the door lock after two more tries.

The door hit the wall with a bang, allowing Geumhyuk to find his girlfriend in a trance like state, staring at a bunch of pills that rested on the palm of her hand. Heejun froze at the sight. The man was in shock, he could not understand what had gotten his sister to get to that point.

Geumhyuk's eyes widened as he took quick steps towards the woman, swatting her hand and consequently making the pills fly all over the room.

Y/N jumped in surprise, being taken from her trance. Tears spilled down her face as her body shook, losing strength and falling to the ground. Her boyfriend immediately kneeled next to her, pulling her body towards his own and holding her tightly, trying his best to provide her with some kind of comfort which he knew was very needed.

Y/N sobbed and hid her face on his neck, holding onto his shirt tightly. The red headed man ran his hand through her hair in an attempt to soothe his lover.

"Baby... Why?" The man questioned, his voice barely above a whisper, trying to process everything that was happening. Y/N sighed, exhausted.

"I am a burden to everyone. Heejun goes out of his way to take care of me, who is older than him. I should be the one caring for her little brother, but here I am, making him have to put his life on hold so he can go speak to my psychiatrist every week to make sure my suicidal tendencies don't take the best of me. Heejun doesn't have a life because of me. He lives for me and my shitty situation. And you... You are so perfect Geumhyuk. I don't know how I got this lucky to have met you, to have had you fall in love with me... I am so messed up, I... I just can't control the demons in my head. I was doing so well since we met, but as soon as I was alone, my brain started to overthink. My demons came back and told me I am being a burden to the ones I love and care the most about. That I should simply just not exist and everything would be so much easier and better for you guys. And I mean, they're not wrong... I'm so tired of being myself." She sighed, lowering her head.

"Don't ever say that again, Park Y/N," Geumhyuk said, his voice sending chills down her spine. "Do you know how much we love you? Do you know how much pain we would have been in had you taken those pills?" He questioned, his voice shaking as he broke down. "Y/N, I love you so damn much. Your brother does what he does for you because he loves you, he wants to know how you are doing. You are his family. You have no idea how happy he gets when your doctor tells him how much you have progressed, that you are enjoying the present and have plans for the future. You certainly aren't a burden to me either. You are my person, my missing half. I love you for yourself, Y/N. I told you from the start that whatever is going through your mind, I want to help you with it. You are not a mess. You are depressed, you are feeling and there is nothing wrong with that. Get it through your beautiful brain. Fill it with our loving words so the demons get so scared that they leave for good. With all your positive traits and flaws, I want you. I want us. I want all of it. With you. Only with you, Y/N." He affirmed, looking deep into her crying eyes. The girl reached up and stroked his cheek, his head leaning onto her palm.

"What did I do to deserve you?" She questioned out loud. He himself would wonder the same sometimes and he couldn't find an answer. He didn't know how he had gotten such an amazing girl, that's the tricky part about life. The best things are never earned, they fall onto our laps out of nowhere with no warning whatsoever and come to make us tremendously happy.

Like their love for one another.

"I'm sorry, please don't give up on me, I promise I will try hard and get better, oppa. I, too, want it all with you. And I want my brother to live his life without having to worry about me every waking moment of the day. I will get better, please just be patient with me."

"Sweet Heart, I'm going to love you in your weakest moments and your strongest ones. I'm going to love you when you're happy and I'm still going to love you when you are sad. When you can't look on the bright side I will sit with you in the dark. Love, don't you understand? I'm here with you and I don't plan on going anywhere." He stated, placing his lips to her forehead, his hold on her tightening.

"Noona, we will be here for you every step of the way. I believe in you. I know you can do it." Heejun said, crouching down next to the couple and rubbing his hand up and down his sister's arm comfortingly. "You are not a burden to any of us, it's a pleasure to climb this mountain by your side and see your progress." The man finished. Geumhyuk nodded in agreement and smiled softly. "We will never give up on you. And we won't let you give up on yourself either." The girl smiled tiredly, eyes darting between both men.

"I have two pretty big reasons to keep going, I can see that now."

That day, she learned something: We can never be good enough for everyone, however, we will always be perfect for those who love us and are deserving of our love. A person that truly loves us will never let us go no matter how hard the situation gets. They accept us for who we are.

Maybe Y/N didn't have a lot of friends, but she had her brother and a loving man who had sworn to spend forever by her side, and that alone made her want to know what forever looked like.

MASTERLIST

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godtierwallflower · 5 years

Note

Sleepy ramble, need these thoughts out in the world so I can sleep please: Kakashi dies specifically for Choji and generally for the village, Gai (almost) dies specifically for Lee and Kakashi and generally for the world. They have both probably thought alot about when and who for they would die. Also they both have issues really connecting with people (maybe connected, sorta, sleep please, Kakagai) Overall thoughts?

Well, sweet dreams then!

tldr; Yes, Kakashi and Gai both grew up with the intention of eventually dying for someone. They’ve both probably thought a lot about when they were going to die. In Kakashi’s case, he thought most about the people on the other side, while in Gai’s case, he thought most about the people who would stay alive by his sacrifice, although they each respectively thought about the other issue too.

As you wish, some Kakashi and Gai and kakagai meta under the cut! With pictures!

Kakashi adopted the mindset after he repeatedly lost his loved ones and became disillusioned with himself and the job.

As Gai, Kurenai, and Asuma pointed out, when Kakashi was in ANBU, he acted like he was in a hurry to die. When he did die for Choji, you could tell there was definitely a great relief to getting to die and imagining his loved ones. When he sees Minato, Obito, and Rin smiling and greeting him on the other side, we know that was all in his imagination (because Obito isn’t dead), but when he sees his father in purgatory, he’s mostly ready to accept that this is his time. Kakashi, maybe subconsciously, seems to find people easy to love/admit to himself that he loves when he’s already lost them.

When Sasuke specifically threatens to kill Kakashi’s loved one(s), for example…

He wasn’t entirely open about this, of course. He was trying, in good faith, to convince Sasuke that giving up the ghost and focus on what he had instead of what he lost. And admittedly, it does make Sasuke remember that Sakura and Naruto are both precious to him, and Kakashi is doing this as the only adult in this series to genuinely try to connect with and help Sasuke without the intention of using him. If Sasuke didn’t have people specifically trying to force him to relapse on his unhealthier mindsets, this might have actually worked. With that in mind, it would have been useless for Kakashi to give a more honest answer of “Okay, their names are Gai and Yamato, but at your level right now they’ll probably kick your butt.”

But the point remains that this is one of Kakashi’s most well-known quotes.

There are a lot of ways to read it, but taken at face value, this is Kakashi saying the people he loves most are the people who have died, and that his new companions are a consolation to that pain. And there is some truth in that. Kakashi deifies the late Obito and visits his grave so much that it makes him late for prior engagements he has with the living, and he carries the weight of his father’s death for quite a while. Chronologically, he’s known Gai about as long as he’s known Obito and Rin, but Gai and Yamato still go in the same category of new companions who he hasn’t lost [yet]. You could even say that he loves Obito and Rin more in death than he did in life (although Minato and Sakumo he already loved quite a bit).

It takes him a long while to admit that he loves the kids on his team. He doesn’t say it until after he’s reconciled with Obito.

But he is still willing to give his all and his life for the village and especially its kids, which is why it means so much that he died for Choji specifically and the village broadly, who he hadn’t been shown interacting with a lot up to that point. Kakashi is bad at forming mutual connections, and is even adverse to it, but he is surprisingly quick to care about people enough to put his life on the line. It doesn’t interfere with his professionalism, but he certainly does have a lot of close calls and hospital visits throughout the series.

This? Doesn’t happen. We know it’s all in Kakashi’s head, because Obito is… not there. This is a visual representation of Kakashi being sad because he couldn’t have that sweet release of death, to put it bluntly.

It comes down to the fact that, until he meets Obito again, he feels like the people he’s most able to love and miss are the people who are already dead. After he’s faced his demons, reconciled with Obito and the idea of letting him down via Rin, and even worked under Minato again, Kakashi is able to stop living his life feeling like he owed his lost ones a meaningful death. He lives and becomes Hokages because he wants to be there for the people he loves, and in Kakashi Hiden, he mentally lists off those living people he loves and it fuels him as motivation to finally accept the position of Hokage. He still carries the lessons he learned, as we can see when he warns Houki of the dangers of not trying to use teamwork and connect with his team while he still had time, but Kakashi’s words can finally ring true in the New Era. “No time like the present.”

Gai has lived his life with the ideal that a life given for someone you love is a noble thing, and on some level, he’s also missed his dad as well.

He sees his dad as a man worth emulating, and that final act of love and sacrifice is something he always planned to follow up on. But this likely isn’t driven by a desire to simply see his father again on the other side. Rather, it’s another way for Gai to keep his father’s teaching alive and honor a long-standing self-rule.

Gai is actually a very private person. His purposely positive and silly front is largely that, a front, and that’s pretty clear throughout the series, but especially in comparison to his younger, more pessimistic self.

He’s very caring and protective, but it’s not clear who he’s actually opened up to. He hides his weaknesses and doubts from Lee and his team for sure, because he wants to be their inspiration and not put any of his own hangups on the kids he’s raising.

And he’s not in a hurry to die. He’s been noted throughout the series to have a incredible level of endurance and stamina, to the point where he’s got the highest pain tolerance out of anyone in the series, and he’s able to brush off or heal from relatively major injuries. He takes good care of himself. Gai is actually very conservative about using the eight gates.

In all his fights with Kisame, for example, he started out in his base form, assessed the level of his opponent, and then, once he figured it out, opened enough gates to quickly and one-sidedly end the fight.

Gai wants to live. He’s open about the fact that he loves his team from the very first day they’re assigned to him, he’s open about the fact that he loves and cares about Kakashi for a long, long time, he’s open about caring about the kids and the village in general.

But he’s not open about his thoughts and worries, and part of the reason he acts so goofy and openly doesn’t care what others say about him behind his back or to his face is because it’s partially a way to keep others at arm’s length, too. Gai knows for a long time that he’s planning on going out in a blaze of glory, after all.

Gai ultimately opens the gates for two of the people he loves most in the world, Kakashi and Lee, as well as for the future of all of Konoha. And he doesn’t hesitate. As soon as it’s clear that that’s his only viable option, he announces his intent to the others and then ignores their arguments for why he shouldn’t.

In regards to kakagai, this is something they both know about each other and have frequently argued about, and they’re both well aware that they’re hypocrites for criticizing it in each other.

Kakashi and Gai are outright passive-aggressive at each other about this, in front of their students. It’s well-established that they’ve had this sort of back-and-forth of “I don’t want you to die.” “I’ll die if I want to, screw you.” for a long time now, and Kakashi is openly disdainful of Gai using the gates at all. Not enough to actually interfere with each other’s tasks or fights, of course. Just enough to be passive-aggressive about it from time to time.

As of the New Era, or even just post-war in general, they’ve mellowed out in regards to this. Gai, because he’s already opened the 8th gate in what he thought was his final sacrifice and probably can’t do it again, and Kakashi, because he knows his loved ones beyond the grave don’t hate him and don’t want him to hurry up and die.

It’s part of why post-war, Kakashi and Gai are closer and happier together than ever before.

#Kakashi #Kakashi Hatake #Maito Gai #Might Guy #kakagai #Naruto #ivydragon #flower brambles #I hope this is understandable #meta

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ichigo-daifuku · 5 years

Text

Starry Nights

SLBP Fanfiction [Read on AO3]

Date Masamune/MC

A day in the life of the One-Eyed Dragon of Ōshu.

Angst with a Happy Ending | Masamune Act 1 Spoilers

This work was based on a letter from Masamune with the subject "Reflections".

Word Count: ~2.3k

Masamune woke up to the symphony of crickets chirping in the middle of the night. He sat up, the portion of the blanket covering his torso falling on his lap, and blinked a few times as his vision took a few seconds to focus. He moved to set the hair hanging over his eye aside, the bareness of his right eyelid unusual under his fingertips.

That's right, he thought. He was not wearing his eyepatch.

It was a strange feeling, he couldn't deny. Masamune was different from others, but in the darkness and in the confines of the four corners of his chambers, there was no need to hide what he looked like and who he truly was. It was a luxury, a small piece of freedom he treasured.

He tilted his head to the side, his gaze landing on her sleeping form. As always, the sight of her made his world seem to stand still. The expression on her face was serene; eyelids closed and lips slightly agape, bathed in the silver glow of the moonbeam that passed through the window. The steady rhythm of the rise and fall of her every breath calmed him in ways he never imagined another person could. However, it wasn't long before his thoughts wandered and strayed towards the dilemma he faced each day since they reunited.

Masamune longed to tell her of the way he truly felt. He began with the composition of a monologue inside his head in an attempt to find the right words to say. It took him a while, but there were many instances when he tried to finally voice his feelings out to her. His mouth would open, only to close with a deep sigh, the words never leaving the tip of his tongue. She would notice his actions with a confused expression on her face but would still offer him a kind and patient smile. It was endearing to him, so endearing that he would manage to smile back in response, although deep inside, he was frustrated and a bit disappointed with himself. In the end, the words he longed to utter were left unsaid.

Masamune has never loved anyone this way before. It scared him at first, how deeply he could feel for someone and how that someone could feel just as much for him. Now, things were different; what made frightened him was the possibility that if he dared to express the extent of his feelings for her, it would not come out properly. After all, she deserved something better than a confession that would fall awkward from his lips—something more than little words strung so simply. Sometimes, he felt that she deserved someone better than him.

She sighed in her sleep. He wondered what she dreamed about.

“Masamune…” The mere whisper of his name was enough for the torrent of emotions to overflow inside him.

His fingers reached out to caress her cheek gently, careful not to wake her. “I love you,” he whispered in the darkness.

That night, it was only the sky, moon, and stars who heard his voice. He would tell her what he wanted to say one day, in the way she deserved. But for now, it was enough.

The sun had already risen when Masamune woke up again in the morning. He was alone. The side of the bedding where she laid the night before was cold, but the faint scent of her lingered on the sheets.

After he put on his archery attire, he was about to gather his bow and the quiver of arrows needed for the day's activity when the armor that he kept beside it caught his eye. The days in Yonezawa had been peaceful in recent days. He was grateful that he had no use for it, for the time being at least.

He moved closer and took the crescent moon helmet on the shelf, heavy in his hands. Ever since he was named the Lord of the Date Clan, he had to be stronger; a leader who spoke with conviction in every decision he made. He knew that if he exuded strength and valor, his men would follow suit, and it would be a step closer to the unification of Oshu. However, behind the Lord of the Date Clan was Masamune, a man who has lived with uncertainty all his life. In the rare moments he allowed himself to reflect on his existence, he couldn't determine clearly if any of the choices he made were correct or if his father's decision to name him as Lord of the Date Clan was the right thing. It was easy to doubt himself when his own mother—who believed his eyes were that of a demon's—did the same thing.

He imagined how different his life would have been if he weren't born with such strange eyes. There was one particular night when he talked of his eye to ‘Yahiko’, who in the most unexpected of ways, described it as ‘beautiful’. It was only 'Yahiko'—only her—who would say such a thing. He couldn't help but smile at the realization that if she could see beauty in his cursed monstrosity, then maybe it wasn't such a curse after all. She was the reason for the change in his heart, the one who never gave up on him, even though it was so easy for him to give up on himself.

His fingers gripped the helmet. It was lined with scratches that could have been the end of him, but it was not a sword nor an arrow which delivered the most fatal blow he had to bear; it was the death of his father. The sight of his father's life being taken before his very eyes in the battlefield was a memory he would take to his grave. It became his breaking point, and he became self-destructive. But she was there; she took care of him, talked him into getting his strength back, and reminded him to keep his promise to his father and unify Oshu.

He placed the helmet back on the shelf, the crescent moon on the center shining in the sunlight.

She really changed his life, didn't she? He wondered if he deserved not just someone like her, but her. All his life, he had never paid attention to any woman nor felt any romantic feelings. When he fell in love, he was filled with uncertainty, not because he didn't know if he loved her, but because he didn't know if he should.

Masamune nocked his final arrow and drew the bowstring, the fletching grazing his cheek. He released the it with ease, and it hit the center of the wooden target with a thud.

"Excellent as always, Lord Masamune," Kojuro stated with pride, a fond smile on his lips.

Masamune turned to his most trusted vassal. Over the years, he has learned so much from him, not only in terms of fighting wars and governing the Date Clan, but also in life. Masamune placed the bow down. "Thank you, Kojuro."

Shigezane walked towards the target and inspected it, rubbing his chin as he did so. "Wow, Masa! You didn't even miss a single one!"

Masamune couldn't remember inviting his cousin for that day's archery session, but that was Shigezane—he always invited himself in their activities. “You did great as well,” Masamune remarked as he referred to the target beside his.

“Not as great as you of course, cousin!” Shigezane laughed and began to retrieve some of the arrows.

"Brother, I hope I can be as good as you are in archery one day!" Kojirou walked to his side with eyes shining with admiration.

Masamune looked over to Kojirou and thought that he seemed to be taller as compared to the last time they saw each other. Masamune was grateful that despite the conflict he had with his mother, his relationship with Kojirou has always been well. He patted his younger brother's head, "You will be even better, Kojirou."

They went on their way back to the castle, the four of them together. Masamune walked beside Kojirou, a faint smile on his face as the usual teasing attitude of Shigezane towards Kojuro amused him. He was surrounded by the people whom he cared for and cared for him. They were some of the very few people who knew the real Masamune, the ones he has been with for as long as he could remember—those couldn't imagine his life without. He thought of himself as a person who was hard to love… No, he made himself hard to love, and yet, here were the people who refused not to love him and continued to care for him even at his worst moments. They were his family.

As they neared the gates of Yonezawa, Masamune was pleasantly surprised to see the silhouette of the woman he loved from afar. She waved at them as a welcome but after a few moments, strode towards their direction—to him.

"Welcome back, Lord Masamune." She embraced him.

In his arms, she felt warm. He felt her heartbeat as it reverberated through him, as if it was his own. “I'm home.”

The two of them passed by the halls of Yonezawa after dinner. As they walked side by side, the usual whispers of the retainers and servants were present as always, crystal clear.

"Lord Masamune looks happier these days, don't you think?"

"I noticed too. I think it's because of her."

"I still can't believe Yahiko turned out to be a woman."

A long time ago, Masamune used to care nothing of what others thought of him. There were a lot of rumors surrounding him—particularly his concealed eye—that caused people to grow scared, yet he didn't mind. Once, he overheard her defend his name from the negative remarks he was so used to hearing all his life, and it confused him why she would do so, when he himself did not care to. Masamune knew neither her true identity nor her real name at that time, yet she fought for him like he was someone she cared genuinely about. She believed in him, even when he didn't believe in himself.

Masamune glanced at her as she walked beside him, and she noticed his gaze and gave him a shy smile. When their fingers brushed, he didn't think twice and took her hand in his. Her cheeks were tinged pink. He worried that his were the same and looked away.

The way Masamune knew her at present made him forget from time to time how little they used to know about each other. She sat beside him in the garden outside his chambers, the hairpin he gave her 'sister' sparkling on her hair as she gazed up to the crescent moon in the night sky.

It really suits her, he thought with a smile

Back then, he couldn't explain the guilt he felt as the woman's hairpin was destroyed amidst a scuffle in his favorite restaurant in Kyoto. Her face had been so anguished that she looked like she was about cry at any given moment. On the way back to Oshu, Masamune passed by a merchant who sold women's accessories, and before he knew it, made his purchase. He wondered how he would give the hairpin to that woman, but after he gave it some thought, the hesitation came. He asked himself if he should even give it to her. They were strangers. He didn't understand why he wanted to give a stranger a gift. He didn't care for any woman. He was unsure of what to do but they wouldn't be back to Kyoto for a while so he decided that think about it more. That was when 'Yahiko' came to Yonezawa.

He wished he knew that he was actually giving the hairpin to her, his intended recipient, that night when he gave it to ‘Yahiko’. But then, things would have been different, and he still considered himself lucky that he was able to give it to her after all. That was enough.

“Do you remember when we first looked at the stars?”

She turned to him and smiled. “How could I forget?”

Masamune read in one of the Western books the merchants brought that when the sun would take the stars away, they are still in the sky somewhere. It was the same for him, even at times he could not see her, she was always there. No matter how long it would take for the two of them to be together, she would always be like those stars. If fate would step in and cause them to part, he knew, in some way, she would come back, and he would be able to see her again like she was meant to be seen—in the past, as her true self, and in the future, he hoped, once he found the courage to propose, as his wife.

In the horizon, a stream of light fell from the sky.

"Milord, make a wish!" she exclaimed. It seemed he was not the only one who had been enjoying the new books brought by the merchants.

In her excitement, she grasped his hand as her eyelids fluttered closed. Masamune intertwined their fingers, held onto her tighter, and closed his eyes. He wished that he would be the night who would bring the star home, shining brightly. He doubted anyone could love her as much as he did, but still, it was him who needed her. For even those who learn to love the night would always follow the stars.

He opened his eyes and was greeted by the sight of her gentle smile as she gazed at him with open affection.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Lord Masamune.”

Masamune Act 2 was just released! 💚🐢💚

Thank you for reading (˶◕‿◕˶✿)

Ichigo Daifuku's Masterlist

#slbp #samurai love ballad party #slbp fanfiction #slbp masamune #fanfiction #天下統一恋の乱 #恋乱 #slbp fanfic #starry nights #date masamune #ichigo bakufu

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ttomatoez · 6 years

Text

Anata no Koe

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13125325/1/Anata-no-Koe

Summary: "The one who filled his lonely existence with the emotion called love was Sakura." - Kishimoto. Post-war, SasuSaku fluff and bonding.

Pairing: SasuSaku

Rating: T

A/N: I’m super new to tumblr (as far as posting goes), but I’ve always gotten my ff recommendations from this site, so I thought I’d post some of my own work here to share it with you guys! One day I hope to live up to the same standard as all the wonderful ff I’ve read over the years, but in the meantime, I do hope you enjoy this fic. :)

-CH. 1: 白詰草 - White Clover

She looks happier; peaceful, even.

It's the first thing he notices as he watches her emerge from the shadows outside his holding cell, wordlessly following the brush of her pink hair against the curve of her neck with his mismatched eyes as she steps down the stairs into the light.

He can already tell she's calmed down a lot. There's a softness to her features that he hasn't seen on her before, but he thinks he likes it. He likes the grace in which she walks in her heeled sandals, diligently focused on the metal tray full of first-aid supplies nestled in her arms (as if somehow the pair of quivering glass bottles are what she's been chasing after for so many years and not him). His gaze lingers, calm and curious on the angle of her jaw as she bends to place the tray on one of the visitors stools. It must be the serene expression on her face that's making his chest tighten. The natural arch of her brow leading down to the curve of her lashes, blinking softly. Or the warm half-smile at her lips that could just as easily be a smirk if only he were able to reach into her mind and access her thoughts.

"Sasuke-kun," she says lightly. The shy smile at her lips is soothingly familiar, but it's contradicted by the concerned pinch of her brows as she lifts her head to meet his gaze.

The smile is fake. She's upset.

For the moment, all is still and silent in the hollow, underground caves that have contained him over the past day and a half as they stare at each other in silence. Foreign chakra flickers like static around the otherwise ordinary steel bars, likely sealed three or more times to keep him from escaping. It would take a lot more than that to lock him up for more than five minutes, but he hasn't said anything about it. The drive to fight is lost on him now, discarded right along with his left arm and whatever else remained of his inner demons back at the valley of the end. If he still has any negative feelings buried underneath the numbness in his heart, he hasn't noticed. All that's left of his former self now is an empty shell, a broken bird with the world at its throat.

He looks away discretely, jaw tightening in frustration and shame, absorbing all the unspoken feelings smoldering in her gaze from the other side of the bars. She doesn't have to say anything for him to see what's inside her heart. There's so many conflicting emotions there: disappointment, confusion, anger, hurt, fear, but most of all concern. Concern, not for herself but for him. He's seen the same gut-wrenching pain reflected in her jade eyes over the course of several years, always born from the consequences of his selfish actions, always so selflessly forgiving... It's hard not to recognize it on a surface level - it's Sakura, after all - but without the blind rage and adrenaline-fueled hatred there to cloud his perceptions, he feels it start to gently penetrate the walls of his heart in a way that he can only describe as uncomfortable. For the first time, he can't bring himself to look at her.

She looks off nervously as well, following suit, the smile on her lips settling into an even line. What he may not realize is that over the years, she's become an expert at interpreting all of his non-verbal gestures. If he knows what's in her heart, she knows what's festering in his equally as well (to some extent), but she knows him well enough not to bring it up. For him to simply acknowledge her feelings like this is enough of an apology for right now, so she doesn't mind returning the favor by not pressuring him for more. Maybe someday they'll both be comfortable with expressing themselves out loud, but that day isn't today.

"How's your arm?" she asks, attempting to steer the conversation along. The bandages around his stump are still fresh from when she first put them on a day or so ago while he and Naruto were still unconscious. She did her best to close the opening, cauterizing it with chakra before covering it in healing ointment and wrapping it in several layers of thin gauze, but she knew that the blood would begin to build up again at some point and she would need to come back and change it.

That's what the first-aid supplies are for.

"It stings," he mumbles, glancing at it as if it belonged to someone else.

"Ahh," A genuine smile curls at her lips that he doesn't see. "It'll do that."

Behind him she's already started shuffling the items around in the tray, ripping the gauze into sheets and wetting them with saline. At first it's little more than background noise but curiosity gets the better of him eventually, and he finds himself once again quietly following her movements as if he were a child drinking in new information.

At one time, it must have been around age thirteen, he remembered his distaste for the pinkette had been so strong that he swore he wouldn't touch her if she were the last woman on the planet. He used to find creative places to eat lunch and take shortcuts through the forest just to avoid talking to her, but that had been a different Sakura the whole time. This Sakura; the one with sparkling green studs in her ears who's taller and blinks slower when having a conversation. This Sakura who is not so helplessly clumsy, who measures liquids with her lips slightly parted and barely looks at him anymore, even if it's just long enough to see all the minor ways in which he's changed in such a short amount of time. What would his younger self say if he saw the woman she is now?

They make eye contact as she carefully gathers the tray back into her arms. It feels electric - almost as if nothing ever happened between them in the first place - and she finds herself melting under the smoldering intensity of his gaze. Part of her yearns to know what he's hiding from her; the interest is there, taunting her from the depths of his natural eye. Burning, unyielding. It's the same look she recognizes from the battlefield when he'd caught her delicately under his arm, drinking her in as she drifted in and out of consciousness. At the time she assumed it was love, or at least something like it, but she was wrong.

She looks away for the second time, severing the connection faster than the heat can finish rushing into her face.

"Your bandages need to be changed every two days to prevent infection," she says evenly. The door to his cell would be hell to open for him, but it opens easily enough for her, allowing her to slip through and close it back behind her without ever coming close to dropping the tray. "Right now I'm doing it, but you should be able to yourself after a few sessions - oh, you don't have to stand, Sasuke-kun!"

It's as if she'd anticipated the pain, because by the time the stabbing sensation reaches his chest through his back, she's already lightly dropped the items and rushed to his side to hold him up.

"Here," she says, guiding him back to the wooden bench he was sitting on before. "Sit."

He's sure he must look like an old man, but that's really the least of his worries as he clutches his shirt tightly with the only hand he has left. The pain is similar to what he imagines it feels like to be stabbed by a fistful of chidori; duller and more achey but similar. Is it even possible to feel internal bleeding? Sakura answers his questions with her eyes faster than he can ask them.

"Lean back and relax," she says - it's really more of an instruction - as the pain slowly starts to recede, decaying gradually under the green hue of her chakra pressed to his chest. "I knew there was going to be a little bit of pain from muscle exhaustion, but I healed every major issue I saw when we found you."

Her hands are soft in contrast to the hardened look on her face, slim pink brows drawn together in concentration. The chakra pouring into him is light like a caress, and as more of the pain starts to disappear, he even catches the sweet scent of flowers that's probably her shampoo.

"Sakura-" he grinds out.

"Hush."

He gives her hand a squeeze. At first she thinks it's for comfort, instantly taking her back to their struggles in the chunin exams, but she realizes too late that he's actually pulling it away.

"Just leave it," he says.

Her frown deepens as she slips her hand from his grip. On her face are the words I don't understand.

"Sasuke-" she responds, omitting the honorific. "You're in pain."

When he doesn't look at her she knows there's something else there, but it's not the normal, everyday 'tsk', or 'you're annoying'. It's something deeper; something he probably doesn't even fully comprehend himself. He has a terrible track record of suffering in silence, which is something that has always annoyed her about him, but she continues to try and help him regardless. Even when he doesn't want it.

Her jade eyes blink at him for a few seconds, grasping for the tools to understand but receiving nothing. He's panting lightly now, and there's even a faint tic forming at his brow indicative of frustration.

"At least let me-"

"Sakura."

Naturally, she doesn't make it any easier for him to forget she's there.

The next few seconds pass by wordlessly. He wishes he knew what to say to make her stop worrying, but worrying for Sakura is like breathing and there's probably nothing he can do that will make the medic in her disappear. It's annoying, genuinely, but in a way that's justified by the part of him that isn't quite so wrapped up in his own stubbornness. In other words, his inner self; the part of him that's sealed under strict lock and key and that's often overpowered by his outward persona. The real Sasuke is a lot more docile and caves easily whenever she appears upset or needy. He's calm and curious at the same time but still excitable, much like his older brother, with a rather long-standing, subconscious need to love and be loved by someone that won't eventually disappear. Sakura has the ability to give him that, but that's perhaps what scares him the most about her.

He feels her shoulder shuffle against him and hazards a glance, only to find her pouting like a schoolgirl, lips slightly pursed, eyes downcast and focused on something in the distance. He can't help but look at her skeptically, a small smirk forming on his lips; the last time he saw that face, it was on a much younger version of herself. A much more energetic and aggressive version that once loved him with the strength of her entire being. Always chasing after him, dying for reciprocation. It's funny how simply seeing him in pain is enough to make her forget about all of those conflicting emotions he saw in her earlier. Now she's back to being Sakura again; the same girl that held him in her arms through all of his recklessness, shedding countless tears over his well-being and selflessly shouldering his pain whenever he lacked the ability to express it. She was there even when it put herself in danger. Even when he was the one doing it to her...

He leans his head back and sighs, resting his neck on the padding. The pain in his chest has dulled; he's starting to acclimate to it.

"I deserve it, Sakura," he says finally. "For what I've done."

Her eyes are on him again as he studies the intricate patterns decorating the cave ceiling. Before she speaks, she takes a second to think.

A statement like that is hard to deny when she considers how much trouble he's caused; how many people have lost their lives, directly and indirectly, as a result of his actions. It wasn't even that long ago that he'd betrayed them all completely, punching her through the gut and into a genjutsu. And if that isn't enough of a reason, he then threatened to take control of all the shinobi villages at all of their expense.

As if they meant nothing to him... As if she meant nothing.

The question of whether to forgive him or not weighed heavily on her at some point several months ago - she grieved for a full year when he left the village - but she's past the point of hating him now she thinks. Hatred is like a very strong poison, silent and contagious; it's what drove him to do most of what he did in the first place, but like all poisons, there's an antidote by the name of love. She decided a long time ago not to follow in that cycle, if she were even able to at all. If Naruto doesn't hate him, then neither does she.

He flinches at the sudden warmth of her fingers sliding over his knuckles to grasp his hand. It's such a foreign feeling that he figures it has to be an accident and attempts to tug it back, but (surprise) she doesn't let him go.

"What about if I have mercy on you then?" she replies to his earlier comment, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. He doesn't realize how deadly he looks right now as he flicks his gaze on her, pinning her there with the weapons that are his eyes as if to say what are you doing? Sakura thinks that in his confusion he looks somewhat like a caged animal preparing to pounce at the slightest wrong touch, but it's strikes her more as cute than frightening. Sasuke's panic response has always been defensive rage, but the circumstances are in her favor this time since he's stuck here with her for the immediate time-being. Unbeknownst to her though, he's long forgotten the question.

Before he realizes it he's tracing her movements again, watching her like a hawk as she grasps his hand in both of her palms, slowly bringing it up to rest on her cheek. To his surprise, she closes her eyes, nuzzling it gently as if it's something precious to her.

...

His eyes widen. He tries to swallow, but his mouth is too dry.

"We missed you Sasuke-kun," she says as her eyelids carefully lift to reveal a pair of somber green eyes, glistening now from welled up tears, still clutching his hand to her cheek. It's not that he's afraid to move it - maybe he would if he could - but his body has locked up entirely against his will. He can't move it.

"We all missed you, and-" There's that same bashful look again. How is it possible that he's the only one making eye contact? "W-We forgive you...ya know..?"

Her hands form nervous fists at her sides, but he doesn't seem to notice. She takes a quick glance at his face; it looks like he's been punched in the gut.

"That message is from all of us," she mumbles, fully aware of the heat spreading over her cheeks. She wishes he would say something; she can't stand the silence as it compels her to keep talking. "Even though you're locked up right now, it's only because Tsunade-sama is still out of the village You're fully pardoned, it's just that the council—ha?"

She jumps slightly, green eyes widening at the feel of his hand sliding slowly down her jaw, taking its time over her neck, before coming to rest on her shoulder.

His grip tightens, clutching her as his head gently lowers, shading his face with his bangs. The urge to pull her into him is so strong he can hardly stand it, but there's still a barrier there that pushes her away with equal force. The walls around his heart are still so impenetrable that sometimes, not even he can override them. No matter how much he wants to feel her head on his shoulder, tears of joy staining his shirt as she clutches him with the intensity he knows she's been repressing under fake smiles and gestures of strength for at least the past few years, he can't seem to make himself move.

"Sasuke-kun?" Her brows furrow gently but part of her is still able to understand. She feels the invisible pull of his heart as if it were made of gravity.

She moves before he has the chance to, gently wrapping her arms around him as if she were a blanket, gathering him into a warm hug that gradually tightens as she tries to hold back the tears that have already started to leak out of the corners of her eyes.

‘We forgive you.’

Somehow he thinks it will take him longer than a few minutes, or even a few days, to soak in those words, but in this moment he's thankful (almost as much as he is overwhelmed) for her presence; her touch, her scent, her voice...

He blinks into her shoulder, arm hovering over her lower back as he moves his head to look at her face. Physically, it feels the same as when she hugged him back at the hospital when they were genin. She's still just as soft and warm and feminine as she was back then, eyes squeezed shut in happiness, latched to him with every ounce of love left in her being. It's always been a lot for him to process - it still is - but he feels more now that he's ever felt in the past. Even as his arm squeezes her closer, softly succumbing to her efforts as he buries his face in her neck, he still feels paralyzed by insecurity and the weight of exactly how much he doesn't know. It's always just been easier to sever the bonds, but he's past that now.

"Sakura," he mumbles into the fabric of her collar, eyes softened and glazed over in concentration.

The past several hours left alone with nothing but his thoughts have had a substantial effect on him, giving him the opportunity to ponder over a litany of things; things that bother him, things that he thinks shouldbother him, things that don't even concern him... Now that the war is over, his goals achieved, he can't help but wonder what to do next. Did he even have a choice in the matter? Sure he's been pardoned, but was he really that innocent in the eyes of the village?

Her cheek brushes the side of his head as she turns to look at him. "Mm?"

He hesitates, closing his eyes against the comfort of her shoulder. "What do you think I should do?" he says. "About the village?"

She tries hard to swallow the sting of uneasiness lingering in her gut as she packs the extra gauze back in its wrapper, tossing his old, bloody ones on the right side of the tray where she'll be able to throw them away later. If only she'd been more prepared for that question, maybe she could have given him a better response than what she did...

‘Don't worry about the village. Worry about being a better you.’

Back over on the bench he looks over his new bandages, gripping his fingers as she'd told him to do to better adjust to the stiff material. Whatever he's thinking in that head of his, somehow, she feels like she only made things worse.

"Thank you, Sakura," he says as she lifts the tray back into her hands, ready to leave. At first she thinks it's just for the bandage change, but it's overreaching and actually applies to multiple things. He has the world to thank her for, but all she can seem to picture right now is the night he left, his words to her, and how she'd woken up to a cold bench at her back and a huge hole in her heart.

"Sasuke-kun," she bites her lip, brows drawing together in concern as she looks at him, at the sudden distance between them.

‘Please be here when I get back.’

"I'll be back in two days," she says, and he watches quietly as she disappears into the shadows, the sweet scent of cherry blossoms lingering in the air.

#sasusaku #naruto shippuden #sasusaku fanfiction #sasusaku naruto #naruto shippuden fanfiction sasusaku #naruto fanfiction

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