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dianapana · 3 years

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SH Day 9 – Never Have I Ever

@sasuhinamonth

Rated T, Modern AU, OOC

Oof , for this one ideas just wouldn't come to me, so once again I looked through older stories I never finished and found this one which I thought fit to a certain degree. I didn’t really wanna go the normal route of the game itself, so I just interpreted the prompt as a new experience. I hope you enjoy, ~Love, Dia

It wasn’t uncommon for people to randomly sit down at his table, especially if those people were girls. They’d stumble onto the seat and act like it was all an accident, like they didn’t see him and thought the table was empty, or that they tripped and ‘landed’ on the seat. Other times they’d ask if they could sit because there were no free tables anymore, granted this last excuse happened to be true once or twice, but usually, it was just a lie and the two would sit in awkward silence for a few moments staring at each other with a number of empty seats all around.

However, the person sitting across from him was a girl he saw around the diner quite often, urgency written all over her face. Sasuke raised an eyebrow at her, but the situation didn’t faze him at all, thus he continued eating, putting 2 French fries in his mouth and slowly chewing, waiting for her to state her reason and purpose.

“I need you to pretend we’re here together” Sasuke narrowed his eyes at her. “My ex just walked in and I’m not in the mood to deal with him. If I’m here with someone, in this case you, he’ll either leave me alone or he’ll at least leave sooner.” His eyes moved to a guy that was just walking to the counter still obvious to his ex-girlfriend. “Please…” her eyes were begging him to help.

Sasuke sighed and pushed his milkshake her way. “It’d be strange if we were here together and I was the only one that had ordered something” Her pale eyes lit up like Christmas trees.

“Thank you so much. I’m Hinata by the way” She gave him a genuine smile. He nodded her way.

“Sasuke. I’d shake your hand but that would look strange since we’re supposed to be here together.”

For a second, silence fell over their table but Hinata started giggling at what he just said, her laugh could have also been intertwined with nervous laughter for it was a little too loud for Sasuke’s own liking, either way, he couldn’t help but smirk her. Naruto would freak if he saw Sasuke talking to a stranger, a girl no less, and not only that, but he was actually putting in the effort to help her and maintain a conversation. He had never willingly had a conversation with a stranger before.

Sadly Hinata’ sudden laughing fit turned the attention of a white-haired guy, also known in Sasuke’s head as the girl’s ex, to them. The said guy looked their way, moment in which Sasuke noticed the myriad of feelings showing onto his expression, he seemed to go from hopeful to confused to slightly irritated and then settle for putting on a fake smile and strolling their way.

“Hinata, long time no see, how are you?” The ex-boyfriend looked at her and gave Sasuke a not-so-subtle glare. He took in their table before raising an eyebrow and immediately asking another question, essentially cutting Hinata off before she could answer his first question. “Matcha milkshake? I thought you hated those”

“Oh, I used to yea, but I think they changed the receipt here. I tasted one sip from when Sasuke ordered one last time and it was pretty good, so today I wanted to see for myself” She said smoothly and took a big sip of her, well…his milkshake. “And I’ve been pretty good. How about yourself?” She smiled way too sweetly at him.

“Uh…can’t complain” He took another second to examine them again. “Well, I was actually thinking maybe we can get together and have dinner sometime next week?”

“Dude, you don’t ask out a girl when she’s already out with another guy, that’s just fucking messed up” Sasuke said, without actually meaning to his voice got deeper and he glared at the ‘ex-boyfriend’. He didn’t care that he and Hinata weren’t there together for real, it’s a universal rule you don’t ask out a girl if she’s there with a date, that’s just a douchey move.

Hinata was grinning at him from behind her hand, her eyes glittering with amusement. Sasuke had to admit something to himself, the strange girl was pretty, but she was even more beautiful while she smiled.

“Chill dude. I didn’t think this was a date” he said raising his hands as if trying to say he meant no harm. “I mean who the fuck brings a date at this shitty diner” He whispered under his breath, but both Hinata and Sasuke heard him and their moods turned pretty dark. Sasuke’s instinct was the punch the guy’s lights out, another new feeling he hadn’t experienced, at least not because of a girl. He is usually in control of his emotions and rarely loses his cool.

“Sasuke wanted to go have a sweet picnic in the park near my house, which was so thoughtful and sweet, but sadly the weather didn’t agree with him because it started raining. That’s when I remembered how I wanted to taste the milkshake, so I proposed we came here to wait for the rain to stop.” Sasuke had to admit, her lying skills were top-notch, her story had a natural flow to it, she composed a strong and believable narrative with pretty much no holes, her delivery too added to its credibility, fot she spoke with such ease. Hinata reached for his hand that was on the table and squeezed it while spreading her web of lies. Sasuke noticed the ex-boyf rolling his eyes, and a part of him felt utter satisfaction from the jerk’s annoyance.

“Whatever. I gotta bounce anyway. See you around” He turned and started walking out the diner without waiting for a reply. Sasuke snorted when he noticed that the ex didn’t even purchase anything. He was lost in his own world of trash-talking the guy but was got distracted by the petite girl in front of him that whispered not so quietly “I fucking hope not.”

“Well, that was fun.” He smirked at her. “Let me guess, bad break-up?” Hinata sighed and ran both hands over her face.

“The worst. It was a set up and we went on a few dates which were fine I guess, but I just didn’t really want a relationship at the time, or at least not with him. Either way, the break-up itself took like 3 hours cuz he just wouldn’t accept it.” She took another sip of his milkshake and gaged. “Oh god, I forgot how awful this tasted.” She said more to herself, it didn’t take her a full second to turn beet-red.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry this is yours. I d-didn’t mean to drink from it, it just happened. Let me buy you a new one” She got onto her feet but Sasuke grabbed her wrist and forced her to sit back down.

“Don’t worry about it. You barely drank any”

Had he been in his right mind he’d tell the girl to buy him extra fries too for the trouble and then he’d tell her to scramble. But for some reason or another, he didn’t want her to leave just yet. He pulled the glass back to him and drank from it just to prove to her everything was fine.

“I don’t understand how you can drink that. It’s not even sweet” Her nose wrinkled in disgust, Sasuke didn’t throw the world ‘cute’ around easily but she looked adorable.

“I hate sweets. So, this is perfect” Her jaw dropped, she looked like he had just said he hated puppies and his mother. Hinata blinked a few times, closed her mouth and opened it to say something, closed it back again. She looked genuinely confused, like someone that hated sweets wasn’t meant to exist.

“I-I don’t understand. How can you hate sweets? T-They make the world a better place. Don’t tell me that after a shitty day you don’t go home to eat a gallon of ice cream with a dozen of cookies because I will not believe you”

Now it was his turn to gag just thinking about the amount of sugar in the ‘snack’ she described. His reaction repulsed her.

“Oh wow. I’m perplexed. I had no idea people like you existed”

The fact that she said it with straight face made him believe she honestly didn’t think that what he said could be true, which for some reason he found extremely funny.

“Huh, you learn something every day.” She said with a smile, it seemed she had gotten over her confusion and found the whole conversation quite as amusing as he did.

A waitress came over to take Sasuke’s now empty milkshake glass.

“Would you like anything else?”

“Could you please bring me a veggie burger and a blueberry lemonade? And some fries too” She ordered and it relieved him that she did, he hadn’t had a lunch companion besides Naruto in a while.

“I’d also like some fries and another matcha milkshake”

“I’ll be right back,” The older woman said and left right away. When he turned back to the girl before him, she was staring at him with a small smile on her lips so he raised an eyebrow at her.

“I was sure you’d tell me to leave, or tell the waiter you’d like the bill and left yourself.” She put both of her hands on the table and played with her bracelet. “I’ve seen you around the diner. You’re not the…most welcoming face here and I’ve also saw you get up and leave on multiple occasions when someone sat at your table”

Her cheeks were a shade or two darker and she didn’t look at him but rather looked at her fidgeting hands. She was embarrassed for admitting she noticed him way before this encounter, she was nervous that she had crossed a line. What she said was true, he knew he wasn’t the nicest person but he did genuinely enjoy her presence, also he’d been in a number of situations where he would have liked someone to pretend to be there with him so he’d escape an acquaintance or a fangirl. Plus, the very same day Naruto told him he should do an act of ‘kindness’ a day or his karma would turn bad. He didn’t believe in the nonsense his blonde friend talked about, but when she sat down she looked in so much distress even he didn’t have the heart to tell her to leave.

“You’re right, But, you looked frightened, I’m not heartless,” He said in a neutral voice and Hinata blushed even redder. His lips twitched upward. Where did her confidence and acting skills go?

“I-I-I didn’t mean you are heartless…just…umm, uh” she was at a loss of words.

“It’s fine. You didn’t offend me” Hinata looked up at him relived.

“I didn’t? Oh, that’s really good, because I didn’t mean anything rude by what I said” her shoulders relaxed and her blush faded, not completely she was still a bit flushed but not quite as red as before.

“Since you knew there was a chance, I’d leave why did you sit here?”

Her smile softened a little. “Have you ever seen a person and had the urge to talk to them? For them to be your friend? I don’t mean to sound creepy, but every time I saw you here, I always wanted to talk to you, I just never had the courage. I guess the situation gave me the opportunity to do so. And I’m quite glad because, I don’t know about you, but I’m having a pretty good time talking to you” her cheeks flared even redder with each confession, for some reason admitting her thoughts in front of him was embarrassing. “Oh, just so you know, I’ve never done this before. I just had a pretty bad day and didn’t want it to get worse by having to be in his company for long.”

Their talk continued for a while longer until finally, their food arrived. The older waitress placed their orders on the table.

“There you go. Enjoy your food”

“Thank you” Hinata nodded at the waitress with a smile.

“I have one more question.” Sasuke said as Hinata took a sip of her lemonade, but gestured with her hand for him to go on. “What happened? When he was here you were a very smooth talker, but when you thought you offended me you seemed to be drowning in your own words”

Her blush came back and Sasuke decided he quite liked how she looked with it. She played with the tips of her hair, rolling it onto her finger. “W-when I was little, I was extremely shy, I couldn’t even look at strangers, my parents entered me in acting classes in hopes that I’d get over it. It didn’t really go as planned. I’m a lot better now, obviously but I still get anxious easily. Even so the acting classes did help me, when I’m in a crisis I seem to calm down and I’m able to collect my thoughts” She looked a bit over his shoulder in deep thought. “It’s like a defence mechanism but it doesn’t always work. Case in point when I o-offended you, which I’m sorry about again”

“I see…also you didn’t offend me, I told you this before. You only stated your opinion, which was true by the way”

She smiled at him once more and they started eating, it wasn’t complete silence, they made small talk asked about normal things, hobbies, friends, school and all that. Once they were finished and Sasuke asked for the bill since it was getting pretty dark and the rain finally stopped, he noticed her playing with the bracelet again.

“Something wrong?”

“Huh?” she looked up at him confused.

“You were fidgeting your hands like you did before when you were nervous. Is something bothering you?”

Hinata opened her mouth. They had spent about 2 or 3 hours together and he was able to pick up some of her habits already. He did seem like the type of person that paid attention, he was quiet but observing. Without meaning to she associated him with one of those old people from the park that sit on a bench and watch everyone pass by, like they don’t belong to this world, they just witness it, they are watchers that see the smallest details.

He didn’t know what she was thinking about, but her smile was beautifully tragic, she seemed sad, or at least contemplative.

“I was just thinking how much I enjoyed our…lunch? Dinner? And was wondering how awkward it would be to…a-ask for your number m-maybe?”

He also liked when she stuttered a little. “I don’t see why not. I enjoyed myself as well”

If only Naruto saw him give his number to a girl, the blonde would never let this slide, which was also why he’d never tell his blonde best friend about the petite blue-haired girl that made his ordinary day a little bit extraordinary, she proved that sometimes doing things you’ve never done can have a good end result, in this case talking to a stranger and pretending to date led to a pleasant evening and hopefully a friend and maybe more.

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goddessjynx · 3 years

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Any parent please answer?

Idk if anyone will see this, but right now I need just anyone to tell me I'm not crazy.

Am I a bad friend for wanting to hang out with my ex-bestie (eb for short) while she has her kids or she's busy and can't hang, so I offer to come over, to help watch, to help clean? Anything just to be there for her, why? Oh because she was on her third child, at this time I literally went over to her house to play dnd with her husband and brother and her sometimes. So I would try and say "hi" or talk, but instead we stayed doing something else or barely said hi. Ok, fine, hormones, got it. It got to the point of she wouldn't want to hang out with me for reasons she stopped telling me decent sounding excuses. Fine, That's fine, I have other friends who I can hang with or find other things to stay inside and not get out of the house to do. I don't need to leave the house, to get away from the suffocating inside the house with a mentally and verbally abusive, controlling husband. That's. Just. Fine.

So you know, time goes on. we find out that the reason she won't hang out with me, but will hang out with the other girl who she hates (Mind you the other chick literally broke into their house, tried to start drama all the time, and be hazardous to her already two children But who am I to judge about the person you rant to me about how you hate them so much?) But the other chick was also pregnant after divorcing her wife. It's honestly such a mess. So "anyways, I get excluded now because I "Don't understand what she's going through" or "I won't have the same experience" or I'm "not a good source of help" Lol, Okay? I still can't help? Be happy for you? Cool. So things go on, and just things have gotten worse on my end. I'm over here with such a mind debilitating baby fever, that I'm having to pull my car over watching children get off the school bus because I'm in such a crying fit that I can't breathe or see straight. So who the hell would I go to about what do I do? My Bestie right? (There's a reason we are eb rn) I tell her, well try, Idk how much she actually listened. But I tell her how I just can't think about anything else right now. I did everything right, and the world keeps slapping me back.

I own a 4 bedroom house. we have two cars, we even have decently everything working out in our favor, But all of a sudden, I'm not good enough for anyone. My own husband two months after getting married said he hasn't found me attractive for the last two years. THAnks. That's a real boost. This didn't start the fights, but that's a whole other set of rants. about a year before my eb got pregnant, around or right before July 4th, I strictly remember, I was in the walmart fucking bathroom. I had felt so sick the weeks beforehand. Like, My menstrual cycle hates me. She's savage af. Not to mention she likes to disappear randomly and appear with just cramps or a whole flood. I never know. But I remember calling my husband in a panic because I don't know what to do while I had to go to the bathroom so bad it hurt, and all I have is half dollar sized clots. Just something my medical brain, and senior year of AP biology says, "Fuck!" I have him figure something out because I'm really needing someone to just hold me in the bathroom I feel so sick to my stomach. I'm dizzy and all these symptoms I tell him to tell the doctor or whoever he calls.. So he calls, they say whatever to him. I don't either remember or he never told me what they said, (this is a normal of hiding information from me, A LOT) They said (What he told me) to just wipe things up and clean up then if it persists in the next 24 hours to go into the hospital. But I will have to see an ob-gyn.

So, Okay. Nothing bad. but they are in charge of everything along those lines. But those were including two words, that I now know were the two words this man didn't want to hear despite, DESPITE all the teasing and jokes about having kids with me when I was younger with him and literally just dating. That was because I had to see a family planning doctor. I was told by HIM that it was nothing, and we will be fine. I just blamed it on my cramps that are horrible and never put thought to it because I had believed that's what he was told. So that's a trauma my brain locked away until recently as I'm going through my divorce right now. But, I was thinking about how shortly after that, I got a call from my eb about how they were all waiting on me because I'm making us late for bringing stuff to the grill out and bonfire later. Fine, mask all the pain and keep fucking going. right?

She seemed genuinely not worried, saying it was probably just a bad cycle. She gets them all the time too. Its whatever. My now bestie's sister has gone through the same thing I described multiple times, enough that she looked at me and was like, "No, You possibly miscarried." even her mom went on about, "they should've never NEVER brushed that off like they did. If they cared then they would've made sure you were ok. My husband denied me from going to the doctor to see anything about it. Even after when I knew my hormones and emotions were just soooo off. But that's in my mind now, when before maybe around the same time my eb came out saying to all of us even her own husband one time saying she's been feeling crummy because she went in and she found out she had miscarried. It was so short after my stuff that she disregarded then took and made attention for herself that upset her own husband because she never told him until she told a bunch of us at a bar. I mean I felt bad for her, but Now thinking back, my gut says it was a ploy to make her husband to feel bad for her and to try for another one. Where as I'm over here waiting patiently because I jumped through Hoops to get where I'm at now.

My husband promised me children. Lots, its a fucking dream to be a mum. I care for everyone else, and their kids, why not have some kind of mini me to show of what I did. That I did good. That I can be useful to this world too. That I'm not just a lump of no good nothing to this world. But first, he needed a better paying job than a gas station.

Did that, he worked at a metal parts production place. But we then gave the fact that we still live in the apartment I got after moving out from high school. We rented a house. It worked, and it was nice. But now he needs a car, but he cant do that until he learns how to drive. 3 years older than me and I taught him how to drive. AND I helped him buy his first car, a truck. Oh but now, we still can't start a family. We are only renting. I have enough good credit that I could get a house alone, but I needed a higher pay. Bam with his income together we got a house.

Bam, I'm hit with baby fever and what not. NOW I get told, we aren't ready for anything like that yet, so wait two years. Alright, I'll wait. I can do that. We were going to go on trips together and do many things together and all of a sudden, the walmart thing happened, and it just got worse from there. It got to a point I got a job paying BETTER than him and I was the laughing stock to him and his buddies. THANKS. But I'm fine, everything is fine. The walmart thing was about two years after, so I mean, it was actually in the time frame and whatnot. Things just kept going on getting worse at home, I just kept listening. For reasons, I had to quit my high paying job, and then everything got absolutely horrible at home. Had to put everything I had control over money wise into his account for he worried it would take too long to find an new job and make money to suffice for bills. It was argument after argument, but I went to my eb explaining things, asking what the hell do I do? Her advice? To just do what he wants. The thing I had to quit about? She basically never cared about it. Everything just went on being a mess. I went on just letting people walk over me because that was the advice I was given.

I voiced my feelings that I have been following lies and how I feel hurt that I'm told dreams and having them be taken away. We never went on trips much. Instead we would buy a crap ton of ammo or new guns that I'm not allowed to use, yet I'm helping fund so you can get them, but when it was my own that I BOUGHT, all of a sudden, my things went missing and he would be out using and letting his buddies use my new guns and using up the ammo I had purchased on my own. I mean, fine, but let me at LEAST take yours out if you're going to use mine without asking. It got to be so annoying that we would be asked when we would get married or when we would have kids. He would be hugging me and smiling all cocky saying "Oh well we haven't stopped trying." every time. He would start that tell people this and I finally had enough. I stopped him and told him to put his money where his mouth was. He always said shit but never actually did it or acted on what he said. He would just lie to everyone. Tell people lies because it sounded nice. Best part? I had bought a ring for him. I proposed to him because he would joke about things like that. So I basically said, "bet" and did it. I have never received a damn ring! He wouldn't even want to look at them with me. Because they were expensive. Not all of them are. I don't care what price it is, but something to say, "Hey, I love you and Don't want the odd peeps at the bar to keep hitting on you so take this with you, its dangerous out there." (Shut up. I'm a nerd) But like.... I just would make notions about, I wanted a ring. He would beg me to pool together money and buy new guns, I mean I"m not against, but I would bring up that I will want a ring. Or even something else would be you know, amazing right now because I'm in a lost place wanting kids still and my eb just announced they were having their third. (which her own family was so upset about it that they ranted to me and my mom, her own brother said that its just another kid that they will end up taking care of instead of her so she can go to the bars again. Yep) So next we talked about getting a gun safe because, before we can have kids, we need to be SAFE. Ight, we bought it. Nice matte black 33 capacity, fire and water proof, best part the front had a reallly pretty engraved waving American flag imprinted on it. It was just so smooth. (Guess who has that right now btw) So oddly enough in the middle of me not being enough for my eb, My cycle kind of returned to being semi regular, and all of a sudden disappeared. Well that whole month beforehand we went from never wanting to touch me unless it was my birthday to every night he was angry after work and took it out on me instead. I mean, whatever. But when it came to me not feeling well, I told him.

Instantly it wasn't mine. I was fooling with other guys. Like instant psycho. His childhood friend came and moved up with us, she saw this for a good few months and had to move out because he was trying to control her as if she were a child. She told me that it was not right for him to be that way and that she will never talk to him for how he treated her. (which was exactly how he was always with me too) I'm not sure if he was trying to get my jealous because his bff was a girl? Idk we worked out like literally sisters. Sooo much in common and she told me, She believes he's never wanted kids. And she watched how I broke down after he told me he wanted nothing to do with me until I took a test. He DEMANDED that I took a test right away. If it was positive, it wasn't his until proven so. And if it was negative he would be fine. this was ridiculous. He wasn't at all happy or excited. Purely upset. I felt so shitty that after the test was negative I told him and he threatened about it happening again he was leaving back to Kansas. He threatened this every damn fight, it got to the point that I gave up, I said leave then. And instantly he shut up. I got him out of gangs, crime, jail, living on the street or with his mum, and being a maaajor drug addict. Yet I'M THE BAD PERSON.

Back to recently when my eb is getting closer to having her kid, I just go through finding out I'm not and my husband is freaking out at me, nonstop yelling at me that I'm not good enough and all this shit. Yes, lil ol me trying to keep the peace in the house is a cunt and a whore. Wow. Name calling, but hitting where it hurts? I told him before, how my mother in an argument said I would be a horrible mother. And that shit sticks. IT STICKS. So what does the smart ass pull out? He repeats it. He says he's glad I'm not pregnant because I'd be a horrible mother in the end.

That. That just kills a person. That kills dreams and the feeling of wanting to keep living. Who the FUCK says that to their partner? Am I wrong for thinking that's not right? Well my eb thought I was. I told her my feelings. How I don't want to be jealous of her, but I am. That she's more beautiful, she's always had guys hitting on her in school inviting her to do things and hang out, I was the nerd in whatever class that got invited only if it was mandatory. She will be having three kids and a loving husband that can never take his hands or eyes from her, where as I have to act like a clown to get my husband to look up from his damn phone. To say something nice. To

be acknowledged while in the house. I've left and came back the next morning because I hung out at my now besties house. He didn't say a word until I came home the next morning and he looked at me like "when the fuck did you leave" No care, no love. I was stuck being a burden. Anything I ever did around the house was in vain. Everything I helped with I got shoved away because I didn't do it right. EVERYTHING I did was not good enough. I would tell him this that is how I felt and he would deny it. One day, I caught him yelling at me saying that what I did wasn't ever good enough. Calle him out right away. Bitch... He tried to change the wording to go around what he said. I HEARD IT. it was so bad I had to have my bestie on the phone to listen to how he talked to me behind closed doors. Away from public view. HER MOM HEARD IT. Thought she was watching some kind of dramatic show, until she realized it was me on the phone. She's listened to so many calls its unheard of. There was a day, I had enough of it. (Ok A lot actually) but I grabbed my laptop and my charger and left the house. I sat in the park drawing on my laptop. Texted every person I could think of that I cared so deeply for that they would care for me back. I was in a dark ass place asking for Advice. My eb shrugged off what my husband was doing and scolded me for leaving. For sitting in a park drawing out my feelings instead of being with him because he's being dramatic to her husband upset that I started an argument. I didn't understand what I started when it was over me telling him not to throw the controller when he loses a COD game because that's how it breaks. Why he threw it? Because I distracted him by playing with my cat while he was playing the damn game and made him lose! yep. Exactly that. So I was yelled at to quit. So I did. I went back to my drawing and then with my headphones on I was humming to my music. It distracted him and he lost. So I flipped out because I can't do anything in my own house without being scolded for it. So I stormed off to the bedroom to draw some more. I'm upstairs and away from him. Didn't want to eat now I'm stressed and upset. So I didn't cook anything and now he's hungry and upset at me for not making food yet. YES. That's how it started and I again was the bad person in the story for safely removing myself from an environment where all my mind was telling me to do was dark things that hurt to say. To give up on everything I have worked for and all my dreams.

That was the last time I spoke to her for a while because everything started to be only about baby and about doing this for baby. Doing that for baby. But then she would never answer me back. I was done trying to fit time to hang out. To do something, I made new friends who didn't have kids and hung out more with them. It got horrible. the sound of a child crying made my stomach hurt. I had non stop dreams of the same thing happening. It was just awful. I looked it up and it was just meaning I had something and lost it. Whatever is missing in the dream what what I had lost.

In this dream I was dressed in all black, lace and long dress covering every inch of skin on my body. I had a hat with a veil and I was rocking a bundle in my arms in an old decrepit room with peeling paint and broken toys. It was a nursery. An old ruined nursery. I was rocking just a black blanket swaddled with a hole that emptied to the void. It gives me chills, I get this dream so much that me explaining just makes my skin crawl and my body ache. It hurts to think of but I just cannot understand it. Makes sense now that I looked into it.

But me going through all of this, I can't talk to my husband about my feelings because I'm too needy and being selfish for not taking his feelings into an account. That he's not ready that we are not ready and that I'm not ready because I'm going to be a horrible mom. Cool.

I have tried so much. I couldn't be around kids. It made me so sick and I jus would have to find somewhere to hide and cry for hours. I would cry myself to sleep. Never getting comfort by him because I'm throwing a pity party. I was so hurt. Still am. I'm broken hearted. Thinking that if I had a kid, at least I would have something that needed me and would love the care I gave and would love me back. I wanted to feel loved for how much I put out in the world. I wanted to have something to ground me to this world before I did something stupid. I was in such a dark place that I drove an hour to go see my bestie because I was scared that I was going to do it. That I was going to be the big disappointment he told me I would always be. Three months later, baby is here and I go back to playing dnd with my friends and its at their house. My husband is rubbing it in my face. He's holding baby and talking to baby and doing all these things making my mind break. He asks if I want to hold her. If i if iififififi NO.

I can't I cannot. I'm trying to be respectful. I missed out on other games because I had to hype myself up. I procrastinated because I didn't know how I would be or if I could handle it. I got to the point that my eb's husband told me that he doesn't want me playing anymore because I sent a text trying to apologize to my now eb that I feel so bad but I can't see her right now since seeing her kids just sends me into a panic attack and I can't stop thinking horrible things. So she takes that as I have a problem with HER kids and not just the KIDS situation. Doesn't hear me out. blames me for everything and has me banned from coming over. in which her husband says he doesn't want me over anymore. Which my rebuttal is because she's telling him only. But he said it was his choice. I don't know don't care. It just hurt that THATS the reason I got kicked out. Not because I was good, but that I couldn't handle their kids. And I would not pay attention by drawing the whole time. I was distracting myself because I'm trying to drown out the noises of cooing making my gut rot and my mouth dry. So by all means I'm selfish for wanting a dream that I was being promised for the last 6 years of physically being with my soon to be ex. I've know for actually 12 years. And that I drove 15 hours to bring you to me since you couldn't drive.

So I need to know from real parents, was I out of line for telling my eb that I had feelings and that them not being heard or just cast to the side hurt? Am I crazy for feeling that I've been robbed? For being upset when my husband comes home drunk and abuses me? For being hurt when I'm called all sorts of names and told I'm worthless by the man I should trust the most? Please. I need to know.

I know I'm ranting, but I need to get it out. I need to find some sort of something to figure out why I'm feeling this way, or why I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm fighting for the divorce since i haven't been to my owned house in the last 5 months since he changed the locks on me. I moved an hour away from my home and my family and still to this day, I hurt to hear or watch children around me. I'm happy, but inside something aches and just feels empty. Not to mention that I got told by people that know me that he's been caught buying condoms. We are still technically married, and he can't be doing those things right now. Am I jealous? Upset? Hurt? All of the above? It just sucks and I'm drowning in debt a bit trying to work my ass off to get where I want in life again since all of everything has been ripped from me. I'm trying. Please let me know if I'm crazy or out of line? I want to be heard. I'm going to start to save up. I have a plan for my 27th birthday. If it doesn't work in time for my 28th birthday, I'm not sure what else I can do but join the 27 club.

#send help #please reblog #mental health #parents #mother #father #moms #family #reblog #important #self care #self love #self help #self esteem #self healing #my story

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bandaged-writer · 4 years

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“you are my soulmate.” || dazai

lyric prompts are still open ^.^

➤ Requested by: nonnie (I accidentally deleted the ask instead of saving it)

➤ Lyric prompt: "You are my soulmate."

➤ Pairing: Dazai x Reader

➤ Genre: fluff, romance, soulmate! AU, friends to lovers-ish(?)

➤ Warnings: none

➤ Word count: 2k

The remains of steam trickled down the foggy bathroom mirror while you were busy rubbing your wet hair dry, the smell of showering gel and shampoo lingering in your nose and relaxing your tense nerves. It had been quite the rough week at the agency; a couple of fights, tons of paperwork which your back hated you for and more than enough complaints from the neighbors about the noise and damage. Of course, you couldn't help but reward yourself with a nice, long shower.

Wiping the steam away from the mirror, you tilted your head at the monochromatic reflection staring back at you. There were no colors whatsoever, only a gloomy mix of black and white painted your world once again. Suddenly, you were reminded of the time your mother had told you about soulmates who would paint you a clear blue sky overtime, but what the hell was blue? What did it look like? You were already in your 20s, you doubted that your soulmate was close by - for all you knew, they could live across the globe or died already. Fate wasn't always kind, after all.

Shaking these memories away and wrapping a fluffy towel tightly around your torso, you finally stepped out of the comfort of your bathroom only to be greeted by a pouting mummy lazing around on your couch. "[Name]! Good that you finally finished your shower, the remote control isn't working anymore!" Dazai whined dramatically and held the defective device in his hands as if it had committed a felony. "I've been stuck having to watch a documentary about dogs! Dogs of all animals! Only your beauty can cure my eyes from what they had witnessed-"

Embarrassment heated your cheeks up while your hands were clutching your towel to your chest, your friend's words fell on deaf ears. "What the hell are you doing here?!" you yelled at the brunette and swung a trained leg at the suicidal man whose hand easily grabbed your bare ankle. "My sweet [Name], don't you know how lonely I am without a pretty lady to spend a Saturday with?," by then, you were already used to Dazai's flirty antics and only rolled your eyes at his sugar-coated words for they were nothing more but just that. "That gives you no right to break into my house while I'm showering!," you were beyond flustered, although even this wasn't exactly new. Dazai had seen you half naked numerous times over the course of your friendship and it had never gotten under your skin so deeply. "It's not breaking in when you showed me where the spare key is," a smug expression settled down on Dazai's handsome features as he showed you the glimmering key which was usually hidden in the flower pot in front of your door.

Just as you were about to give in, something weird happened.

For a moment, you could see Dazai's eye color, the shade of his hair and clothes. It was a mere flicker of faded paint filling your vision before your world went back to its monochromatic state and left you staring at your friend like a deer caught in headlights.

"Earth to [Name]," Dazai snapped his fingers in front of your eyes and whipped you back to reality where everything was very much black and white and not colorful. "Wait here, I need to get dressed," pulling your leg from Dazai's grasp, you made a run to your bedroom, slammed the door shut and let your back collide with the cool wood, small gasps leaving your lips as your breathing picked up in a horrifying realization.

The one person you were closest to made you see colors. The one person who knew you better than the back of his hand, knew every little flaw and imperfection and was the epitome of a suicidal womanizer.

No, it had to be a mistake. A simple miscalculation, a cheap trick of the eye. Yes, nothing but a mistake - you had heard of some people seeing colors from birth or they randomly gained the ability to see them without developing feelings towards anyone.

This would be a disaster.

_____________________

And oh boy, were you right.

With each passing day, the dreary monochromatic life you were used to, gradually disappeared and tainted your vision with colors you didn't want to see, because you could finally see that everything your co-workers had told you about Dazai was indeed true.

"What does Dazai look like?," doodling on a random sheet of paper and with coffee resting next to your computer, you threw the sudden question at Naomi who was one of the few people at the agency who could see colors. The ravenette raised a fine eyebrow, looking at you like you had lost your mind. "You don't suffer from long-term memory loss, do you?," a teasing cadence laced in her voice. Letting your body slightly slide down the chair, you leaned your head back against the furniture and pouted. "I know what he looks like! But like..what colors is he made up of?," it was a funny question - you considered Dazai your best friend and yet, you didn't know the color of his irises, of his coat, of the silly pendant he always carried around his neck. You wanted to see your friend.

Naomi's gaze softened at that, a tender curve finding home on her lips which made her eyes smile. It was a question so trivial that only few people worried about, and yet there you were, oblivious to the feelings that were so painfully obvious to everyone at the agency.

And so, Naomi told you about every color that was Dazai Osamu: from the black shoes, to the beige coat, to the blue pendant and his brown locks.

"I envy you for seeing so much more, Naomi."

Those words turned out to be a blessing and a curse alike.

On one hand, you could faintly make out the sparkle in Dazai's coffee-colored orbs but on the other hand, that sparkle was reserved for the pretty waitress of Uzumaki's whose hand he was currently holding, his mind smitten with the mere idea of committing a lover's suicide. You wish you wouldn't see them light up even though the color you saw was barely there, washed out.

"Would a fair maiden such as yourself allow me the honor of you accompanying me to the afterlife?," a moonstruck smile stretched Dazai's lips, his calloused thumb stroking the delicate knuckles of the waitress who remained unfazed by Dazai's attempt to woo her. It was a typical sight, yet why did it bother you? You had witnessed such scenes countless of times and even acted as the brunette's girlfriend just so he could get rid of another woman's unwanted affection. "Hmm, maybe if you have a life insurance," the waitress twinkled, clearly uninterested in Dazai's proposal.

You realized that not even a soulmate could tie Dazai down.

"Are you alright, [Name]?," Atsushi pulled your attention to the matter at hand which was assigning several cases to different colleagues, but even Atsushi could tell that you weren't really with him. He saw the way your gaze would travel to the counter where Dazai was keeping himself busy with the waitress, he noticed the way you'd only ever give him an occasional "mhm" or a short "yes".

"Huh? Oh yeah, I'm good. Don't worry, Atsushi," you waved a dismissive hand in front of your face and put on the ghost of a smile which never reached your eyes.

"I was just thinking about how blue the sky is today."

_____________________

"Have you ever seen colors, Osamu?," mindlessly, you stared at the sake in the small cup held by your fingers, your body resting on Dazai's floor with the wall supporting your back. It was a lazy night of having a few drinks at the brunette's place, talking about anything that came to mind or letting silence and unspoken words fill the space.

Dazai effortlessly downed a shot and let the liquor burn his throat. At least, the drinks were less bitter with you around. "Well, have you?" Ah, that bastard once again avoided your question by asking his own and putting the spotlight on you. It was such a painfully obvious tactic to dodge personal questions, but it still worked every damn time. Or maybe you just needed to get some thoughts off your chest and run the risk of Dazai figuring out the secret you had only told Atsushi about.

"What do you think about it?," stupid how the two of you danced around the topic like it was poison which could bring death upon the both of you.

Sitting down opposite of you, Dazai scanned your face. The way your gaze was fixed on him like a magnet, the missing makeup, the slightly disheveled hair from work and the way your lips shone thanks to the lip balm you always carried with you. "You're a curious thing, aren't you?," a chuckle caressed your ears and you wished it was a bit more lighthearted, a bit less closed off. Dazai rested his elbow on his propped up knee in a lazy manner as he gathered his thoughts; it was something he had never talked about.

"I don't think I like the concept of a soulmate. After all, your soulmate can be dead or be against the beliefs you hold on to so tightly. It'd cause unnecessary conflict over and over again until both individuals grow tired of each other and eventually break up, no?," Dazai paused then sighed, his eyes drawn to the night sky outside. "Isn't it a bit mean to gift color only those who feel something like love towards someone?"

Those words were as bitter as the liquor scorching your throat, but could you really disagree? A soulmate was only a partner suggestion given by the universe and whatever created it. Many soulmates eventually got tired of one another, yet no one broke things off since having someone to come home to was comfortable. It was comfortable, but it was no longer love. "It is. I've been dying to see what colors you are," you admitted softly, hoping he couldn't tear through the lie and discover that you saw the color of the cut that he got from an earlier fight.

At that, Dazai smiled at you with tender eyes and tilted his head to the side, brown strands of hair framing his stupidly dreamy face. "Honestly? I've been wondering what your eye color is."

You swore the world just got more colorful.

_____________________

The day the colors reached their peak of vibrancy was the day your heart skipped a beat for the first time in quite a while.

In the background, you could hear Kunikida scolding Dazai and threatening to kill him with his own bony fingers jus because the brunette was trying to shove his reports to Atsushi. "I swear I'll make you see the end of your life!," the blond man yelled, clearly fed up with his colleague's antics and non-existent work ethics. "At least let me die with a beautiful woman by my side!"

You couldn't help the chuckle that left your lips. Their arguments never failed to squeeze a laugh out of your lungs even when you didn't feel like laughing at all. The agency was your safe place, it was your home.

"Oh, I spent an entire minute dealing with your crap although we should get going. Let's go, Dazai," Kunikida let go of his partner's collar, dusted off his pants like nothing happened and grabbed the keys for the car; no way in hell would he ever let the suicidal maniac drive, again. "Punctual as always, Kunikida," Dazai mock praised the blond and crossed his hands behind his head, a smile on his face.

"Ah, good luck, guys!," you called after Kunikida with quite the stack of paper in your hands and smiled up at Dazai who just..looked at you. You were about to tell him to hurry up and head out before Kunikida would scold him again, when he spoke in a hushed tone which was only meant to be heard by you.

"I like your lip balm. Red suits you."

#bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs imagines #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd #dazai osamu #dazai x reader #dazai osamu x reader

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lilac-city-skylines · 4 years

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oh my goodness I loved that hc you just posted about Jen and Kira as parents!!! I also dont think the mystics really taught Jen about anatomy/reproduction, and I love thinking of and writing about him learning "common" knowledge from Kira, like how sex and pregnancy works, the differences between plants and animals ("if trees are alive then why dont they walk?"), etc. Do you have other hcs about him during Kiras pregnancies, having misconceptions and learning more?

Oh for sure! First of all, if Jen had no idea what girls were, I’m absolutely positive that the concept of having a child is a bit lost on him as well. I think the fandom tends to forget that Jen is an incredibly intelligent person! He can read, write, do math, and even seems to grasp the complexities of what it means to run a government and build a nation from the ground up. Those are all incredibly difficult things to do - especially when you’re raised by lizard people that were probably sustaining themselves on desert mush and Urdrupe berries.

Kira is this perfect foil to him in that regard. While she can’t read or write or do complex math, she knows how things work on a very fundamental level. While Jen can wax and wane philosophy about the “shapes of kindness”, Kira has the ability to make a decision. She knows Thra in a way Jen never could, just based on the sole fact that she was raised where it was still safe from the Darkening. She can communicate with all the animals and plants - something Jen clearly cannot do - and this creates a power couple; the only power couple capable of creating a nation of a what was once an almost extinct race, organize cities and village systems, organize a fair tax system, establish and maintain a culture that they never grew up with or knew, and still manage to find the time to invent the concept of gelfling skype while still being madly in love with each other.

If this isn’t the most perfect relationship, I don’t know what it is.

Anywho! This post got way more into the intricate politics of Jen and Kira than I meant it to, but there’s some good pregnancy stuff too!

Jen Not Knowing What Women Are and Kira Trying to Help Pt.2

Jen has a fantastic memory

He can memorize anything Kira tells him

She loves to sit and talk with him for hours and hours

Jen has a unique perspective on what it is to be alive

He was raised by the Thra equivalent of monks and was taught that any and all life was inherently equal

While Kira was never taught an exact contradiction to this - podlings were clearly different than things like trees or flowers or even fizzgig

This leads to very deep 3AM talks on what being alive is for different beings and what it means in relation to the rising gelfling population

Jen believes in the inherent rights of life and doesn’t understand things like needing to kill animals for meat or harvesting ripe plants for food

Remember: the boy was canon raised on mush and mush exclusively - nothing else - and it’s implied that he has no idea what it is or where it comes from

Because Jen sees no difference between men and women he doesn’t understand the concept of an absolute monarch or a Maudra

In fact, when other gelfling try to explain it, he just gets very lost and confused

Of course, Kira can rule all by herself, he’s way more interested in learning and farming with everyone else, but why?

Wouldn’t taking other’s opinions into consideration make things run far smoother than breaking into clans that barely interact?

Jen accidentally pioneers the earliest form of democracy ever seen on Thra and establishes himself as a great philosopher and political figure - but still has to ask which members of their advisors are women and which ones are men

Usually, he can tell by the wings, but some gelfling wear close-backed clothes in order to keep their backs and skin warm in the winter and he’d rather not assume

Kira being pregnant is something that brings him almost as much joy as when he first met her

Kira had always wanted a family but assumed that, since she was the last gelfling, she never would

The idea of being a parent and a ruler stresses her out so much that Jen accidentally makes the rights and governmental powers of their advisory cabinet way stronger just so that she doesn’t have to worry about ruling as much

Jen has millions of questions - mainly about the mechanisms of pregnancy and if he could get pregnant hecan’t

Kira can answer some of them, but she’ll randomly conscript Ydra to help with some of the more mechanical questions (anatomy inside of a gelfling and developmental stages of a fetus type questions)

He brags to everyone who will listen about how strong Kira is to carry around a child and acts like she’s the first woman to ever carry a child

Whenever anyone explains that gelfling have been doing this pregnancy thing for a while - he just blushes and says that he’s just so proud of her

Kira goes into labor prematurely and Jen loses his shit

It’s a direct contradiction of what he learned when Kira was pregnant

So he’s begging anyone who will listen to explain what it means for Kira to have their child early and if she’ll be safe

He insists on staying next to her to hold her hand

Kira appreciates this because she’s a bit on the terrified side as well

Their eldest was a son and Jen can’t stop kissing his forehead and trying to make him laugh

Kira is almost immediately back up on her feet

What, hard 28-hour labor keeping the Maudra down? ABSOLUTELY NOT

Jen is always volunteering to take care of the baby

Literally the most helpful papa in the world

Kira has to explain that their child had a little bit of both of them

Her explanations are more spiritual - that their child is half of their souls merged together to make a new one

He can’t help but notice how some of Kira’s traits are more prominent, but some of his are as well

His favorite parts are the mixed traits - the hair color and overall demeanor mainly

Kira likes to learn things from Jen as well

While she doesn’t have the same level of patience for reading and writing that Jen does - she takes to math really quickly

You just have to phrase it in a way she’d understand

“If we have five flowers in one field and there’s fifteen next week, what happened?”

Jen never fully understands the way Kira can communicate and connect with Thra and its plants and animals, but he respects the absolute hell out of it

Kira isn’t much of a political theorist, but she works her ass off to learn and understand Jen’s ideas

She works with him and they stay up all night taking care of their baby and discussing what would be the best policy

Jen never once tries to take advantage of her and try to seem smarter

Kira also proposes new ideas and policy for government just as often as Jen does

Their child is always playing on their laps and sitting on their thrones with them

It’s just accepted by the rest of the gelfling that the child goes wherever the parents go

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makczio · 4 years

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Maxence Danet-Fauvel's interview for EntourageS with Kevin Elarbi part 1/2

On this interview for EntourageS, Maxence and Kevin Elarbi talks about Actors Factory, the success of Skam France, the pros and cons of a transmedia serie, and Maxence’s favorite series.

K: So Skam, a phenomenal serie from france tv slash. A bet that also made france tv shlash because it’s a transmedia serie, which we’ll talk about it later with Maxence Danet Fauvel, one of the pioneer actor. How are you Maxence?

M: I’m very good!

K: We’ve been running after each other for few months now to know where we can meet, which podcast an everything. I’m so glad you’re here with us for this premiere on Betaseries the radio. This serie is amazing it’s crazy, on the representation but especially on its popularity. Is this something you expected?

M: No

K: By the way, how did you arrived on that serie?

M: How did I arrived? Well I was in an actor formation at the Actors Factory for, at the beginning I didn’t really knew why. And when I started to discover the method I thought “I would love to work on castings it would be cool to do casting director. We do classes opened to the public every friday since January, and at the class I did at the end of my second year there was Léa Coquin, the casting director for the first two seasons of Skam France, was in the public saw me and called me a couple of days later and proposed me to do a casting.

K: Because the Actors Factory, we’re going to talk about it now ‘cause you just started talking about it. For the people that doesn’t know or that are not actor. It’s a theatre school but not like Cours Florent or Cours Simon (French institutions were you can study theatre), but looks a lot like Actors Studio in the 50’s

M: Wow! You just said 3 things, if my coach hears you she destroys you haha

K: I mean by the creation and the group, it’s not 2k people classes, were we want to know the actor

M: Yeah

K: How much could you define Actors Factory?

M: Yes I’m saying that because I always have the habit to say School but she doesn’t like it. For her it’s a studio.She’s at the extreme opposite of the french methods of acting, so it’s not a theatre school it’s a… (Max just realised he wasn’t speaking in the mic haha) It’s really an actor formation for the cinema. We work on camera, we work on the organic processus of the actor. It’s far from a theatre school. And how can I talk about it? It’s a 2 years formation where we first work on ourselves which allows us to get rid of the mask and avoid pretending on the camera and really live things.

K: And you arrived on Skam with that formation? Because you just said that you were at the Actors first, so you worked on that character with that formation. With professors or alone?

M: So at first it was alone, and then for every role I play I’m helped by my coach, the one who trained me at the Actors Factory, she also train actors that aren’t in the Actors Factory. And when I really worked on my character I see her and everytime she gets to see things, not really important for the viewer but very important for me to understand my character more and play it with all I have.

K: Because in the seasons 3 and 4 of Skam France, the very popular ones, the word to mouth worked! So popular that whenever we do an interview with one of you it’s immediately translated in China, UK, well everywhere!

M: Haha it’s true!

K: In theses seasons your partner is Axel Auriant, you have a common narrative arc. You’re going very far in the scenes you’re playing for a series for “teenagers”, that’s why I wasn’t surprised to see Euphoria in your choices because Euphoria does that too with HBO and OCS in France but we’ll talk about that later. So I’d like to see a clip from Skam France, a love scene between you and Axel’s character, so you can explain to us if it’s a decision of France 3 and France TV Slash because it never happened to go that far in a teenager serie.

A part of the Samedi 9:17 clip is showed.

K: So a really beautiful scene with Axel Auriant that we kiss (in France, when we talk about someone we like on television or radio, we say we kiss but it means we salute). How did you worked together? I know you shoot many useful minutes per day, and we don’t see it because it’s a qualitative serie, as I said in the introduction of the podcast. So you shoot many useful minutes per day however it’s very qualitative and technical. How did you did? Did you see each other a lot? Talked a lot? Repeated a lot when you weren’t on set? How did it happened?

M: So we have a big work behind where we repeated a lot with the director. With Axel we worked a lot about, how can I call that? It’s not even a work in fact, we get to know each other, first we went to take a beer, then we repeated at his place etc. And yeah we really took a big month to prepare ourselves, we got our texts and positions on the rooms rock solid before arriving on the set, so when we arrived on set and it was David’s goal, we just had to live all the colours that we created together, and yeah it worked so well because we trusted each other, we were well leaded with a great team. I mean it’s really an impressive team on Skam France because we don’t have a big budget, we shoot a lot and fast so it means that we barely sleeps, and really everyone is really invested and united and it gives a work energy were you don’t count your work hours, you don’t care acting 18 hours a day, you’re so invested that when it ends you feel like it’s a dream and lasted half a second and yeah the months were so fast!

K: Did you watched movies, did you got any book references or did you went with your knowledge in this character?

M: Well no, I never watch movies during a shooting or during the preparation

K: That’s very interesting, can you explain why? I think I know why but...

M: You wanna know why?

K: Yeah

M: Well because… Well my favorite part during a shooting, what really makes me love it isn’t the shooting itself but all the month before, all my preparation, the isolation is really a phase where I need to be alone at my place, changing my morning routine and the decoration of my apartment, there’s really a work to be the character. And that’s really the phase that I love the most, and it’s something that should be me that I don’t want to be inspired by... I don’t want to take the risk to steal something that an actor build. But what I do is maybe better than going to the cinema, is that I go on the street and I observe a lot people. And for Skam France for example, it was really impressive. I spent 6 or 7 hours a day walking in Paris without a destination or a goal. I walked an sometimes there were things that came in my mind and when I went back home I wrote it and thought “Yeah that’s good, this is a good element for this or that” so bit by bit you build something and a complete character

K: That’s so interesting! And as I said in the introduction, it’s a transmedia serie. So when we say transmedia we don’t understand it in the first place, can you explain what’s a transmedia serie? If I'm right it's a serie that take your character and broadcast it in real time. It's so 2.0. Did you understood this concept at first?

M: I understood… Well I didn't tried to understand it. Until the last day on set I was really focused on Eliott, and it's a character that's so close to me that I couldn't fail. It could've been so easy to go for my comfort zone thinking "Oh they took me for Maxence so I'll play some Maxence and it will be easy!" So no, until the end of the shooting I wasn't paying attention to that. I heard stuff, they asked us to take selfies on the set, I was expecting there was something to follow. But I understood that the serie was broadcasting in real time, so a Monday at 10:21 will be out a Monday at 10:21 and it was a full episode a Friday at 18:00 but I didn't really cared about it. So you want me to explain that's right?

K: No but that because when Lula explained me that concept when she came I didn't understood anything, I was thinking "What the fuck is that"

M: Okay so I'll explain

K: Yeah explaining but popularizing this term, for those who aren't used to this kind of serie

M: So a transmedia serie is… should I watch there? (he was pointing at the camera, funny he thought about that 11 minutes after the interview started). So basically a transmedia serie is… I'd like to call that a serie that you can't really see if you don't watch it during the airing time. Skam France season 3 you can find it in the France TV Slash website or youtube but during the airing, something like the scene we saw earlier, if it happens at, I'm going to say some crap I'll be bullied by fans haha, but I'd it happens Saturday at 11:21, I said it randomly, it will be online Saturday at 11:21 etc, and it's the same for every clip. And at the end of the week, there's the episode.

K: And that episode is the whole episode?

M: Yes that's the whole episode, plus, the characters have Instagram accounts where we can see them in real time, exchanging texts, that they put in an Instagram story so people can follow them, they post pictures during their days. For example if Eliott, well he doesn't do that but we can imagine Eliott posts a pic during the airing of an episode, if you update if Instagram account at that second the pic will appear. So that's a total immersion.

K: Isn't it dangerous for an actor, I'm thinking about the distance to have with the public, who is enormous. After the scene that we'll watch later I'll ask you something about the LGBTQI+ community in China or even the Middle East, that serie is very important and so many people watch it, sometimes they're hiding just to watch it. But how do you put a frontier as an actor, I mean during the convention when you meet tour fans, this serie is one of the few ones to have that many conventions I mean you'll soon have one in Seoul, it's crazy

M: Yeah it's crazy

K: Yeah, how do you do to.. Yeah there's tour character that's in your life and it's just fictional but is also everywhere like on Instagram. How do you do to put a certain distance? Is it something that you like or is it hard?

M: No that's not something that I really like, I mean I think we're already so much on our phones, even I am! I don't remember when but I discovered on Instagram you can see how much time you spend on it, it's dumb but you do there on the morning, during coffee, etc. I think it's not a good solution because we use a society problem to encourage people to use it more etc. I don't think people need that, I think in the new generation, there's people that wanna go to theater, there's young people that wanna go to the cinema, there's no need to give them that much on social networks to interest them. It's not something that I really like but it gives something to the serie that, I know when I watch a serie, during two seasons I miss the characters and I think "Fuck the next episode is in a year, it's hell", so in that case it can be cool. I don't know during an evening you wanna watch an episode of Peaky Blinders and the season isn't out yet, well you can see between the seasons what the characters are doing and it makes a link during the seasons. So there's something interesting about it but I can't say that I like it, because it would be a lie. The idea is good but if it was created in an other way I would've liked it too

K: So another clip and then I'll ask you to react to the importance of that serie for like I said the Middle East countries or China, countries where the liberties are less than in France, where your character and Axel's character are now close to political characters

A part of the Friday 20:27 clip is showed.

K: Yeah so a part of a clip of Skam France, a strong one. Oh and you're filled with emotions

M: Noooo haha (he's moved and has his eyes all teary)

K: Haha barely. I didn't wanted to move you. I know how difficult it must be because I know you gave a lot of yourself for this scene and maybe you're back at how you were during the shooting

M: Haha no I don't know

K: Haha yes I know, I tell you. Do to change the subject, I didn't wanted to touch you that much Maxence I'm sorry

M: No that's cool, it's beautiful. It's such a beautiful scene. This scene is magnificent it kills me, Axel is...

K: It's everything

M: Yeah it's everything, the music, the editing its wow!

K: Yes the travelling on him, and the light! I completely agree it's one of the most beautiful scene of this season, and I have to say thank you to Mathilde who works with me and insisted that I play this scene. Do you have any idea how important this serie is, seen by ao many people legally or not, even more seen in other countries than in France

M: Oh really?

K: Yes! Have you ever received testimonies, I'm thinking about Middle East or Chinese, even Russian, it's amazing the success in Russia

M: Yes Russia is unbelievable

K: So have you received testimonies?

M: Yes, we've got a lot of them in private, also a lot of touchy videos from hundreds of people, you were talking about Russian, I remember of hundreds of Russian doing secret meetings to watch the serie because they can't watch that kind of fiction and, and yeah that's very touchy but it's true that it brings to a really rough reality and we did Skam France for the love of cinema first and now with the message we give, it's true that it has a big impact and gives us responsibilities that we didn't thought about. And yeah when we see the impact it has like in China, even Corea, you know I lived in Corea and we might thought that it's free but not that much, it's getting better slowly but not that much. So seeing that in all those countries all these people are watching it and taking this message, it's something we didn't imagined. We weren't expecting this

K: We're lucky to have this serie, hopefully it will last. By the way, I don't know, because I know but I don't know if we can say it, I'll do like I didn't knew. You're currently on set?

M: Yes we are but I only acted just a day for now K: The shooting just started?

M: Oh no, it's been shooting for 3 weeks already

K: Oh okay not a lot

M: Yes it's not a lot but for Skam France it's almost half of the shooting

K: Oh yeah that's true. How many useful minutes a day?

M: 16-17

K: Wow, and with quality!

M: Yeah with quality!

K: Not a lot of series can afford 17 useful minutes a day! Don't laugh that's true!

M: Haha no you're right that's true

K: And the choices of the team are amazing!

M: Yes and also Xavier director of photography is completely insane, David the director doesn't give up, the actors are so invested. And yeah we're with a passionate team, very young. For most of us it's the first project, it was mine. For David it's also one of his first one. We all want to do something wonderful because it's our first experience, it was my first experience in front of a camera and you want to remember that your whole life and I think that, yes, it's by far the best shooting I ever done for now

K: A shooting followed by many, became I know the Actors Factory take a lot of time, the Skam France shooting too. And also one of my friends that was on the shooting with you guys

M: He also was there during the shooting of seasons 3 and 4

K: Oh yes but what I understood is that this year his work is more important

M: I won't say anything!

K: Fuck! I was trying haha! So you lose me I don't remember what I was about to say. Oh yes, I wanted to wish you a good luck for this shooting and I wanted to know if there was new ones?

M: Yes! There's new people coming but...

K: But you can't say who?

M: No I can't say

K: Why?

M: Mostly because, there's someone I won't talk about it

K: Okay

M: And a project that I won't talk about because I don't want to and I want to work it alone, also another serie but I don't know if I can tell for who or what it is

K: Is it french?

M: It is

K: A hertzian group?

M: Yes

K: Shooting in October, this summer?

M: From January to April

K: So it will come very soon

M: Yes very soon

K: So you'll come back to talk about it then

M: It would be a pleasure!

K: So now we'll talk about the series you picked. First we're going to talk about an amazing serie, and OCS serie called Westworld and the a scene without visual effects but I think you'd like with Anthony Hawkins, a philosophical scene from the first season

#skam france #maxencefvl #maxence danet fauvel #eliott demaury #skam eliott #lucas et eliott #skam universe

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curewhimsy · 4 years

Text

More Shiro-Sora things

I haven’t uploaded these tidbits to tumblr yet.

—————

—Catchphrases— Iroha says “nyaa” at times SeeU has a habit of saying “meow” Dex says “woof” sometimes Nigaito’s verbal tic is “gyuu” Miki says “Chun chun!” A lot... to be cute. Haku tends to say “Uwaah!” A lot. Uta’s catchphrase is “Yare yare...” (“Good grief...”) Taya’s catchphrase is “Is that sou, desu ne?” (“Sou desu ne” is basically “Is that so?” in Japanese. I combined the two. —Quirky behavior— Lapis carries around a toy wand and pretends to cast spells. Anon is just... chaotic neutral, in the way Luana and Isadore (OCs) are. She does things like eating Lunchables in the bathtub at midnight in the dark to prove that Lunchables float. Why midnight, and why in the dark? Because she doesn’t want dust bunnies to see her boobs. She’s also a very skilled mime. Kanon is wacky, and chaotic good. Like Luana and Isadore (OCs) but in a different way than Anon. She’s the type of person to immediately press a random button she found that says “Do not press.” She likes to annoy people with sound effects from her slide-whistle. She also likes playing dramatic kazoo. She also has clown skills, like juggling, and the ability to ride a unicycle. Teto is like Fuuko (Clannad) Taya is smart and dignified but... very clumsy and naive as well. Uta is badass, but kind of “chaotic dumb” in certain ways. Sometimes she forgets to do her homework while doing her homework. Don’t ask. Taya loves sweets, and his favorite is strawberry shortcake. He is also a good pastry chef... Uta is horrible at cooking! She is so horrible, that she makes things mega-explode! She is so horrible, she needs Taya to cook for her just so she can get by! Gakupo has some pretty sick ninja skills, just saying. Miki sometimes slips into “animated mode,” where she begins to act like a cute shoujo anime protagonist. Miki also sometimes runs with bread in her mouth when she’s late for school. When Ruko was late for school, she ran to school with an entire plate of breakfast in her mouth! Taya gets completely drunk after just a few sips of alcohol... Haku sure can hold her alcohol. She can beat everyone in a drinking contest... Nigaito is endearingly moe. He likes drawing pictures. Miki sometimes lends him cute manga about hamsters, his favorite animal. Ruby likes starfish for some reason. She always assumes every star-shaped item is supposed to be a starfish... Taya’s recorded voice has a tendency to break headphones. Nobody knows exactly why. Ruko is a very big eater. Akari likes stars. Ruby likes starfish. Piko likes stargazing. Yukari likes star celebrities. Nigaito likes the Big Dango Family song. Ruby tries to convince him that starfish are cuter and proposes the Big Starfish Family. Taya and Momo get into a rather heated argument over whether strawberries or peaches are better. Uta asks herself why she’s surrounded by airheads. Uta buys Taya a strawberry Squishmallow for his birthday. In no time, Taya is able to think of a personality and an extensive backstory for his new plush friend... Uta is impressed. Yukari fakes being mysterious and sophisticated to impress IA. It doesn’t work. —Funny Moments brainstorm!— Group chemistry! Misunderstandings... One time Taya tried playing Uta’s violin instead of his usual cello. He played an earsplitting tune and ended up breaking the violin. Not only does it just break, it comically explodes into little pieces! 46 of them to be exact... Taya mistook one of Akaito’s spicy habanero peppers as a new type of strawberry. He ate it, and it was so spicy that he temporarily lost the ability to speak.

“He’s just standing there... menacingly!” -Len, talking to Rin, referring to Kaito “Why did you set me on fire, Uta? Why didn’t you just write your essay?” -Taya ”Qingxian, I used your clarinet to unclog the toilet...” -Taya ”I am the darkness, I am the edge! I got this bruise falling from the ledge! Oh yeah!” -Zatsune “My voice is just naturally bass-boosted, I guess.” -Akaito ”You make the bass drop in my heart! I want to be together, with you.” -Yuuma, to Mizuki, in front of... everyone ”People all look the same to me. They all have two eyes, a nose, a mouth, arms, and legs. But Taya... you’re different. I can tell your soul apart.” -Uta “Take my hand... I’ll take you to a place where miracles happen.” -Taya. He was practicing lines from a short play he wrote himself. This captures Uta’s heart... “Take my hand... I’ll take you to a place where miracles happen... Now, shall we go?” -Taya, this time for real. He is reaching his hand out to Uta. He is trying to comfort her after an emotional moment. Both of them are about to cry. This is right before he confesses his love to her at the top of a hill under the stars.

—————

Random details- Taya is very polite, and selfless. He's always willing to do favors for people. He speaks in polite language. He bows at many occasions (Even in this universe that takes place in the USA, and not Japan.) He is humble as well. These may seem like quirks or obsessions as first, but it stems from his feeling of obligation to do things for people and "not be a burden," because he had friends and teachers who treated him like a burden before. When his anemia caused him to faint or miss classes, everyone treated him as a burden. When he starts hanging out with Uta, she comments on how he feels like a butler and tells him to loosen up, it's okay to be a bit more relaxed, and selfish even. Uta is pretty sarcastic, blunt, and sort of kuudere, so it'll be interesting to see her with the pure Taya Uta just lost her passion to depression, but that's touched on eventually/later She's all like "I hate life" but that's because of depression Taya tries to help out Uta and make her smile but... he ends up upsetting her... When Taya finds out how depressed Uta really is he starts crying for her and saying "I'm sorry..." and Uta is like "Why are you crying? Nothing is your fault..." And Taya apologizes again and says it's a habit that he feels responsible for his friend's sadness. Uta hugs him. "I haven't been able to cry for years, so I'm a bit jealous..." She says. "But... I still don't want you to cry though... I like to see your smile, ok?" Well I think the day Uta finally cries is when something bad happens to her but Taya comes and saves her and then confesses his love for her And then come the waterworks, from both of them! ——— There are magical moments where all 46 characters come together and do or create something. Such as a musical play. Do all 46 characters eventually become a gigantic group of friends? Imagine the 46 of them renting out an entire restaurant... and all taking turns performing karaoke! ——— List the backstories, secrets, sad hidden depth, tragedies, stories... and quirks! The quirks are how we grow to fall in love with these characters before we reveal the sadness. In the novel, it all ends happily... If it ever becomes a game, well... there would be a possible “good end” and possible “bad end”... ... Haku Yowane- Haku’s story is that she’s been lonely and insecure for most her entire life. Neru Akita- Neru’s story is that she has found herself alone and misunderstood for most of her days due to her temper. Miku Hatsune- Miku’s sincere, earnest dreams are crushed and she falls into a deep depression when she is diagnosed with an illness that will progressively damage her vocal chords. Miku never sang for selfish reasons. She sang out of love. She sang to connect others. She now compares herself to a caged bird, or one with broken wings. She wants to write a song about it... but she would rather have her final song be a happy tribute to all those who have helped her. Luka Megurine- Is Luka slowly fading away from this world somehow? Teto Kasane- Is Teto a spirit or something or other? Gumi- Gumi was bullied a lot since she was young, which traumatized her. Now people show her the tiniest bit of dislike, she panics or cries. Meiko Sakine- Meiko’s parents were neglectful, leaving her to have to mature on her own. Lapis Aoki- Is Lapis simply a wish fragment? Merli Aoki- Merli is still traumatized by the tragic death of her parents. Lily- Lily wants to change her image to someone more tame. She originally became a delinquent in middle school due to her parents’ constant fighting. IA- IA’s parents are divorced. It started after her mother had a miscarriage. She would’ve had a little sister named IO. Yukari Yuzuki- Yukari feels very insecure a lot... Uta Utane- Depressed, and doesn’t see much in life. Usually bored and glum. Once a bright girl with lots of dreams. Deep inside, she is passionate and caring, really… Can it be restored? Miku Zatsune- Insecure and hates Miku Hatsune for being more popular than her... Rin Kagamine- Rin has a mysterious connection to Len. Whenever Len is sick, Rin gets sick too. If Len were to die, Rin will suddenly die as well. Len Kagamine- Len has a mysterious connection to Rin. Whenever Rin is sick, Len gets sick too. If Rin were to die, Len will suddenly die as well. Kaito Shion- Kaito is actually an adopted child... not from this world... and doesn’t belong... Akaito Shion- Dell Honne- Dell is usually in a bad mood. He currently lives with a father who barely acknowledges him. He tends to keep it all inside, and he’s really just lonely and needs to find someone to vent to. Gakupo Kamui- Yuuma- Piko Utatane- Piko is a shy and compassionate person, but whenever he opens his mouth, he sounds very strict. He is bad at socializing and making friends, which leaves him quite lonely. On top of that, he is sickly and absent from school often. Piko wishes to make a friend. Mizuki- Nigaito Shion- He is sickly and is usually under the weather... Dex- Daina- Ruby- Taya Soune- Thinks of himself as a burden... Longya Yuezheng- His younger sister Ling nearly got into a tragic accident when they were younger, traumatizing Longya. Ling Yuezheng- She feels lonely that she doesn’t have many friends and is devoting her life to studying. Momo Momone- Is always passing out randomly... SeeU- Has a mysterious illness. Ruko Yokune- Ruko was always insecure about their height, six feet and two inches tall. They always wanted to be petite and feminine, but their body wouldn’t stop growing. Ritsu Namine- Ritsu used to be a bully. He remains to have a tsundere attitude... Deep inside, he has an earnest wish to apologize to everyone he ever hurt. Ruko is one of the few people who understands and knows this about Ritsu. In his childhood, he bullied Gumi for being a “coward.” Now he wants to apologize, but... Miki- Miki is too idealistic. She sees the world through rose-tinted lenses... but what happens when those lenses shatter? Aku Yamine- She wishes to have magic... she hates the state of the world. She hates evil, which is ironic... considering her name is pronounced like the Japanese word for evil. She wishes to cast out the darkness... which is ironic because her last name has the kanji for dark. Because of this, and because she tends to be a nuisance, Aku feels as if she is just a curse. Bruno- Bruno’s mother died when he was young. Clara- Clara was bullied a lot as a child. Iroha Nekomura- Yuu- Wil- Kyo- Akari Kizuna- Cheerful and sweet, and wants to make others smile… even though many heavy thoughts are hiding behind her own smile. Qingxian Mo- Being self-absorbed, Qingxian eventually begins to take advantage of Taya’s generosity and inclination to do favors. She may seem a somewhat spoiled brat, but she is lonely... Anon- Kanon- ——— College dorm antics... ——— Supernatural elements? Does the world have magical properties? How about the characters?

List them here...

All 46 characters mysteriously acquires a crystalline “star fragment” sometime during their journey. There are 46 pieces in total. Each character mysteriously acquires one when they are fulfilled. The fragment is from their heart. At a climax scene where all 46 are present, all the pieces are put together to form a beautiful kaleidoscopic star in 46 colors. This crystalline rainbow star can grant a grand wish, any wish... What will everyone agree will be their wish?

#Shiro-sora #my writing #vocaloid #utau #fanfic #life of pastell #brainstorm

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keichanz · 5 years

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Friends

I hadn’t planned on participating this year since I just have too much on my plate at the moment, but my brain randomly came up with this and freaking took off with it so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ have some Inukagness.

@inukag-week day 2: Friends

“So, your friend...he seems, um, pretty strong.”

“Hm?” Tilting her head, Kagome glanced at the village women that had sidled up to her, a blush on her cheeks and looking rather star-struck. She blinked and followed her gaze to the two men she’d previously been watching as they assisted in clearing away the rubble of an old hut that had been torn down to make room for a new one.

“You mean Miroku?” Kagome mused as the man in question, robes stripped down to his waist in deference to heat of the day, heaved a thick support beam onto his shoulder with a grunt then passed it off to his companion in red. She shrugged. “Yeah, I suppose he is, but this is really nothing for him. You should see him carry around a huge bone boomerang that weighs twice as much as him.” Kagome chuckled, suddenly wondering where the wielder of that particular weapon had gone off too.

Probably admiring from a safer distance, she thought with a quiet snicker, unable to hold back her grin.

The woman cooed, the look on her face downright provocative. “So his name’s Miroku?” she murmured, seemingly distracted.

Kagome’s face softened in sympathy. “Yes, but I’m afraid he’s not emotionally avail—”

“What I wouldn’t give to touch all that glorious hair,” she suddenly gushed with a girlish titter, her flush deepening and the smile dropped from Kagome’s face.

Kagome stared at the woman blankly for a moment and then once more followed her line of sight to land on the man she was shamelessly ogling, a man who was in fact not a one violet-eyed monk.

Brown eyes watched as clawed hands hauled up an armful of heavy wood that looked to have been part of flooring before easily hefting it over to the side, toward the pile of rubble to be burned later. Sweat glistened on his chest, bared for her – and evidently others’ – viewing pleasure and all that glorious hair clung to his muscled back, damp from sweat and making it look a shade darker that its usual sterling silver. Even with the sun beating down on him, though, he didn’t look the least bit winded, idly chatting with Miroku and the villagers, oblivious to the attention he was receiving.

Beside her, the woman sighed dreamily and leaned in closer to Kagome, her voice dropping into a conspiratorial whisper. “You don’t suppose he’d agree to show off all that...muscled strength in a more private setting, do you?” she giggled, eyes riveted, refusing to look away from her quarry as she bit her lip. “I wouldn’t mind a demonstration, if you catch my meaning.”

Kagome didn’t say anything until golden eyes suddenly swung her way and a familiar smirk flickered at the corners of a sinful mouth before directing his full attention to the task at hand, bending down to dig up another support beam stuck in the ground.

She smiled as butterflies took flight in her belly. “Mmm...” Kagome crossed her arms as she jutted a hip to the side. “You could ask,” she answered at length and her smile widened when a single ear flicked back toward her.

“But something tells me he won’t agree.”

“Soooo, hanyou,” one of the village men helping out suddenly piped up, his tone lacking any of the venom that usually accompanies that word, and Inuyasha paused, half-turning toward him and cocking a brow.

To his chagrin, the man grinned and propped an elbow on his shoulder as his leaned his head in, dark eyes riveted to one of the two women chatting off to the side. “Think you could introduce me to your friend over yonder? Now that’s what I call a woman!” He waggled his eyebrows and Inuyasha wondered how many brain cells he had knocking around in that head of his.

Not many, he’d wager. Frowning, Inuyasha followed the man’s gaze and spotted Sango standing off to the side with her arms crossed over her chest and looking a mite stern as she talked with her dark-haired companion, her kimono sleeves pushed up to her shoulders with lean muscles on display.

Inuyasha made a face. “Who, Sango?” He snorted. “Whatever, I guess, but talk to her at your own risk. She tends to get a little slaphappy if you touch her wrong. Or at all.” He suddenly frowned. Where the fuck was the lech, anyway? He was here a minute ago, the goddamn slacker.

“Sango...” the man repeated, utterly entranced and looking seconds away from drooling on his shoulder. “A wonderful name, indeed.”

Inuyasha made a noise of disgust and shrugged him away. “Keh. Yeah, but look, pal, don’t get your hopes up, she’s already—”

“Her kimono is delightfully short, and those legs! I wonder what her a—”

Inuyasha froze and tuned out the rest of what he was saying as he once again turned to gaze at the woman in question, who turned out not to be a certain lean demon slayer.

Donned in what she like to call a camisole and that short green skirt of hers, attentive amber eyes look in the dark hair piled up onto the top of her head in a messy bun, strands of raven silk that had escaped clinging to her face and neck from perspiration. He could see tantalizing beads of sweat trailing down her neck to disappear into the fabric of her shirt, her bare shoulders glistening and lightly tanned as she propped one hand on her hip while the other gesticulated in the air while she chatted and laughed with Sango. She seemed none the worse for wear, despite the rise in the day’s temperature, and if she was at all uncomfortable with the admiration she was unknowingly getting, she didn’t show it.

“You think she’d show me how she puts on that strange apparel of hers?” the man suddenly stage-whispered, prompting Inuyasha to reluctantly withdraw from his appreciative thoughts. “Heh, I’d like to take it off of her, if you know what I mean!”

Despite the familiar jealousy that roiled in his gut, Inuyasha’s gaze went hooded as he watched the man’s target throw her head back with a laugh, her face splitting into a wide, genuine smile. His expression softened and a hint of a grin flickered at the corners of lips.

“Keh,” he murmured just as dark eyes drifted over to him and glinted with an impish light before darting away again. “I wouldn’t bother. Somethin’ tells me that you won’t get very far.”

Dusk approached swiftly and the group of travelers decided to call it a day and bid farewell to the village’s occupants. Two people in particular of that group made a very hasty retreat before anyone could approach them offers of the nefarious sort so it was up to the other remaining individuals to propose their well wishes and express their gratitude for providing that evening’s dinner.

Miroku and Sango found their friends just a little ways up the path that led to the village, talking quietly amongst themselves and seemingly oblivious to their friends’ arrival. Inuyasha snorted loudly, Kagome giggled behind a hand, and with an amused glance between them, the monk and slayer closed the distance between them as the former asked what was so funny.

Inuyasha and Kagome shared a glance and mutually grinned. Kagome looked away, but not before she could hide her grin, and Inuyasha didn’t bother to conceal the smirk that spread across his face. Neither gave an explanation as the wordlessly started down the path and baffled, their friends could only follow after them, wondering what could have possibly happened to get them to act in such a way.

Later, when Miroku and Sango had retired to bed and Kagome sat alone before the fire, she waited another few minutes before silently getting to her feet and disappearing into the trees, her footsteps light, muffled by the ground’s soft soil.

She didn’t even make it past the fire’s orange glow before she was suddenly snatched around the waist and launched upward into the trees. Kagome gasped and then laughed quietly as she was settled on a thick branch between two red-clad legs and without missing a beat she turned around and climbed into her hanyou’s lap, straddling his thighs, but there was nothing sexual about it. Draping her arms over his shoulders, she grinned at him and received a fangy smirk in return as clawed hands slid around her waist and clasped at the small of her back

“Hi, friend,” Kagome greeted and tried to stifle her giggles. She failed.

Inuyasha quirked a brow at her and chuckled lowly. “You’re hilarious, friend,” he fired back and leaned forward to swallow the rest of her giggles with his mouth.

Kagome hummed, smiling against his lips as she twined her fingers in still slightly damp silver hair and she felt Inuyasha’s low growl more than heard it. “They’re not wrong, you know,” she mused aloud as her hanyou lover trailed kisses along her jaw and delivered gentle nips to her skin.

“Hm?” he grunted, too lost in the taste, the scent of her to give a more articulate reply.

Sighing, another smile flirted with her lips as she reveled in his touch, that familiar heat pooling in her belly. “You are still my friend,” she explained, prompting Inuyasha to pull back with a puzzled frown. She blushed, however her smile remained as she continued, “Just because we decided to...further our relationship doesn’t mean I don’t consider you my friend anymore, Inuyasha. You’re my best friend, the one person I can talk to about anything, even Sango, and I...that’s never going to change, you know? Even if we do do things that aren’t considered, erm, friendly.” She grinned and gave a helpless shrug.

A black brow lifted into silver bangs and fangs flashed in a devilish smirk. “You mean things like this?” he asked and promptly dropped his hand to grab a handful of shapely behind.

Even as Kagome’s face flamed, she smacked a hand over her mouth to muffle the sound of her laughter, her eyes crinkling at the corners from the force of her smile. Inuyasha snickered and gave a playful squeeze before releasing her and returning his hand to her back, clawed fingers slipping beneath her shirt to caress warm skin.

Expression softening, Inuyasha sighed and leaned forward to nuzzle her nose with his own. “You idiot,” he said fondly as small hands cupped the back of his neck, pressing her forehead against his. “’Course that hasn’t changed. You...you’ve always just been mine, Kagome. First my friend, now my lover, and I hope, when this is all over, something...something much more permanent.” His eyes bore into her own, his meaning abundantly clear, and Kagome’s quiet gasp affirmed that she understood.

He smiled and went on, his voice a low rumble, “You can stick as many labels on it as you want, but you’ll always just be my Kagome, the first real friend I’ve ever had, and that ain’t ever gonna change. I hope you know that.”

With unshed tears brimming her eyes, Kagome released a watery laugh and nodded, tugging his face forward, her breath ghosting over his lips. “I do,” she whispered, eyes fluttering close, her love for this man overflowing in the form of tears cascading down her cheeks.

Fingers sank into her hair and twined around the ebony strands, tilting her face back as his lips brushed against hers in a teasing, whisper-soft touch. “But Kagome,” he rumbled, lips twitching. “Don’t you know friends don’t ki—”

“Shut up and kiss me, dogboy.”

Inuyasha laughed and covered her smiling mouth with his own, tasting the salt of her tears, and as Kagome sighed her pleasure against his lips, he slipped his hands into her skirt and showed her just how friendly he could be.

#friends #Inukag Week 2019 #day 2: friends #inukag #inuyasha #kagome #keizfanfiction #fanfiction #oneshot

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froggybaek · 5 years

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healing - seo changbin

♛➩ genre: angst, mega fluff, a dash of suggestiveish content that lasts for .5 seconds, single dad!au

♛➩ pairing: fem!reader x changbin

♛➩ warnings: mentions of death, disease

♛➩ summary: you’ve known seo changbin since your high school years. back then, he was surrounded by proud teachers, parents, classmates, and a wonderful girlfriend; now, he only has his little bundle of joy, a cousin from australia who barely knows how to manage a microwave, and you.

♛➩ word count: 9.2k

Seo Changbin has always been an enigma.

While you hadn’t been as lucky as others in being able to claim that you had known the mysterious boy since your elementary school days, you were able to make it known to the few friends you had that you got to witness his heydays; namely the four year period of high school.

You had been in the same year as Changbin, hell you happened to share a couple of classes over those four years with him. Anytime you needed to interact with him, more so assigned projects and less actual friendship related endeavors, you would find yourself stunned with his sheer intellect and determination to get an assignment done with the highest marks possible. If it hadn’t been for his endearing persistence in your music theory class - well, you probably would’ve been gifted with a big, fat F on your final report card before graduation.

However, Seo Changbin was not only remarkably intelligent; he was also incredibly friendly and helpful to just about everyone. Some folks with sour expressions and singed hearts tried to put down his accomplishments and overwhelming popularity, making rumors that he only acted so kind because it would literally be his job in the future. Obviously they might have held a teaspoon of truth to their stingy words, but it was even more obvious that Changbin was just a good person in general.

He liked to volunteer in his very, very thin amount of spare time; there wasn’t one set space for him to go, he just kind of showed up - everywhere. One time, you had spotted him volunteering at an animal shelter, cooing at a three-legged dog while he cradled a malnourished looking kitten in his arms. Another occasion you’d seen him volunteering was after you’d visited your grandfather at the retirement center, only to enter the common area and watch with a warm smile as Changbin danced with a pair of graying women, who had been giggling like young schoolgirls.

So, that was one spectrum of the boy that most everyone knew about. Some claimed that he had to have a sort of photographic memory, since he apparently didn’t need to study all that much to ace his hardest classes; which included the terrifying likes of anatomy and advanced placement chemistry. Those who said that he didn’t study much tended to trail off and make small talk of how they thought he did producing of all things on the side. While you knew the dark haired boy had an augmented creative side, you also knew very well that anyone aspiring to become a medical student had to focus mostly on their coursework - even if they had an impeccably large IQ.

You figured that was why he was so kind, even during the most stressful weeks of school. After all, committing your future career to become a nurse or a doctor was a difficult task that would likely lead someone to deal with even more difficult people. He would have to train himself to be patient and understanding, right?

Well, you wouldn't know. For one, you weren't all too close with him to make any sort of claim about either him or his dreams. Secondly, you were veering a great distance away from anything related to the field of medicine - you just wanted a simple job that involved kids.

That isn't to say you wanted kids of your own anytime soon, you just happened to get along with the vast majority of them quite easily, and they were entertaining in themselves. Surely a teaching career wouldn't be too far off the mark.

In any case, it was easy to say that you and Changbin were miles apart - from what little you knew about him, that is.

And that gap was only made larger not even a few months after your graduation.

“Morning babe.” Mark Lee hummed as he walked into the classroom, or studio, for lack of a better term. The brunette boy carried not only his giant backpack that was filled to the brim with textbooks and art supplies, but also a handful of snacks and two cups of - honestly you weren't sure. He tended to randomly pick and choose the drinks you would share during art class, so you could never be too sure what the next beverage could be.

You offer your friend a small wave of greeting, holding a hand out to grab the black reusable bag and one of the drinks from his trembling hands while he struggled to sit down in the chair next to yours. “Good morning, glasses.”

He whined at your choice nickname for him - all the while pushing his wide glasses farther up the frame of his nose. “I - will ignore your crude and very unimaginative nickname for once, because I have some tea to spill-”

“Please, for my sanity and your own, never say that out loud again.” You murmur in a monotone voice, bringing the lid of the cup up to your lips and taking a quick sip.

Hmm... hot chocolate with marshmallows. Delicious.

“- as I was saying until I was rudely interrupted,” he continued without missing a beat, though you happened to catch how he beamed gleefully at your small thumbs up to thank him for the hot chocolate, “do you remember Seo Changbin from school? You know, the kid that got like, three scholarships to colleges in America?”

“Yeah, I remember him. Why?”

Mark plops down in his seat, rustling in his bag to dig out his art supplies before the bell rang. “I found out from Lucas that his girlfriend got pregnant maybe two or three months before our finals. She gave birth to their kid about a week ago and she uh -...” He trails off quietly, too quietly for your liking.

“What? Mark, I didn't catch that last part.”

He gulps and looks up from the depths of his heavy backpack, nervously nibbling on his bottom lip before he meets your confused gaze.

“She died during the delivery.”

————————————————————————

Finding out that someone you knew had passed away was never fun. Even if you barely knew them, just remembering that they had at some point been part of your life - that was enough to have you slumped over in your seat for the next few days in each and every class.

She had been bright and always so full of life, as much as a high school student could be, anyway. The girl had her life planned ahead for the next ten years, from schools, to parties, even to when she would get married; and she had wanted so desperately to marry Seo Changbin.

While no one had expected the pair to actually stay together for the past three years of life, they had stuck to it as best as they possibly could for a young, naïve couple. Sure, they did have their ups and downs, like the time where she and Changbin argued in the middle of lunch about how he forgot one of their date nights; but then again, what was a relationship if there weren't a few mishaps here and there?

Around the middle of senior year, rumors had started to spread like wildfire around the school. People were speculating if Changbin would go off to America for his studies and leave his girlfriend behind, or if he would stay at home in South Korea just to be with her. Others, the more pessimistic ones to say the least, pondered crudely if he would dump her and leave without another word to the foreign country for their schools.

From what Mark had told you, Changbin had been planning to stay with his girlfriend - in a long distance relationship, that is. She hadn't been too thrilled with the idea of him going alone with no “evidence,” so to speak, of their being in love. Apparently she had actually been getting ready to propose to him instead of the more common, traditional route.

She never got to propose.

Instead, she had fallen pregnant with his child unexpectedly. She had begged Changbin to stay so they both could be real parents to their child, and he had quietly agreed. By then, they had started to fall out of love, even with their unborn child resting in her belly for nine months.

And then... then she had died, leaving their newborn baby girl in the arms of a now lonely Seo Changbin.

After you figured you had somewhat recovered from the shocking news, just about two weeks later, you’d debated on personally calling or messaging the man to express your condolences. For hours you sat in the rickety chair that rested in front of your desk, staring blankly at the screen of your laptop. For hours your gaze flickered back and forth between the text box that indicated you wanted to message the man and the now empty profile of his social medias.

Once the fourth hour had passed, you gave up and stood up, stretching before you went to shut your laptop - then you thought about how you would feel in his situation.

You would wish for anyone to express their condolences, right?

Wouldn't you want to know that someone else cared, that someone else was there for you?

Then, still standing in quite the strange, hunched over position, you reopened your silver laptop and typed the first words that came to mind.

‘She was a wonderful person, you know. She would be so glad that your baby is safe with her father.’

————————————————————————

“I’m sorry, you did what now?”

“I said that I - well um, funny story, actually! I might have, possibly, maybe, perhaps... let Chenle and Jisung monitor the toddlers?”

You let out a deep sigh of pure disbelief, running a hand through your hair before you ended up losing what little sanity you could possibly have left after such a long day of work. “So... you're telling me that you let the two youngest volunteers, who are practically toddlers themselves, watch over our own toddlers all alone for the past hour?”

The brunette shifting on his feet in front of you nodded quickly, offering a nervous yet cheerful smile as if it could magically make you forgiven his less than intelligent decision.

“Mark, I know that they’re your friends and you trust them dearly, but as volunteers they aren’t allowed to be by themselves with any of the kids under eight years old.” You explained to your coworker and friend, feeling a drop of guilt when his lips turned into a classic pout and his eyes drooped from his scolding. “I won’t tell Jongdae this time, okay? Just go watch over those two and I’ll handle the front desk for you.”

He glances up at you from where he’d been staring sadly at the carpeted floor, his shining brown gaze brightening up again at your soft words. “R-really? You would take over my spot just so I don’t get in trouble?”

“You’ve covered for me god knows how many times, dude. Don’t worry about it. I’d supervise the little demons myself, but I kind of want to get some homework done while I can.” You admit with a careless shrug, moving forward to playfully ruffle his already messy brown hair. “Hurry up before he gets back and sees whatever mess they’ve probably made.”

The boy (well, technically “man,” but you couldn’t really see him as one since you were the same age and still mostly acted like willy teenagers) practically bounces on the heels of his feet, all the while showing you his undying appreciation by vigorously spurting out soft thank-you’s.

Once he shuts the white, wooden door painted with a daft excuse of a sunflower behind him and enters the toddler room, you walk over to the front desk of the daycare and slump over in the rolling chair. The material is a bit worn and not too comfortable, but it would suffice for the next couple of hours while you worked on some sociology homework that might have been a few days late.

Since it is only the middle of the day, just half an hour past lunchtime, you weren’t really expecting anyone to walk into the daycare. When the dingy bell hung above the front door let out an all too familiar, but also unexpected sound, you nearly jumped out of your skin in surprise.

Now stood in front of the front desk, just a good two feet away from you, stands a man who looks a tad familiar. His entire ensemble reminds you of a middle schooler who just found out about Fall Out Boy and Panic! At The Disco, which probably would've made you snort in amusement at any other moment.

But this man - if he was one, since he looked eerily young, somewhat similar to how you viewed Mark Lee, pulled off the all black look perfectly. His black undershirt had an odd white signa, likely belonging to a business or brand, stitched into the presumed cotton material. The man wore worn, ink colored jeans that were somewhat baggy around his legs, but not sleazily slouched; and his undershirt was tucked into the waistband, too.

Clutching onto his leather jacket, which was also, unsurprisingly, a dark black hue, was a baby. No, not a toddler or a clingy child, but a baby who couldn’t be more than a few months old - not with how small and chubby its fingers were, and certainly not with how the poor man had dribbles of what looked like milk running down the shoulder of his jacket.

“Um - hi,” you breathe out after an awkward moment of silence, offering the tired looking man a warm smile, “how can I help you?”

“I - I was wondering if-” his words are cut off by a loud wail from the baby in his arms. Squirming about with the little tot, he clearly struggles to try and calm it down, hissing in pain when it gums on one of his fingers. “Shit - no, I mean shoot - do you guys w-watch over babies?”

The raven haired man continues to try and calm the baby down, but to no avail.

“We do, don't worry... not to pry, but are you - are you a new father?” The question slips past your lips before you can overthink them, as you usually do, according to most of your friends and coworkers. When he only nods in reply, you can’t help but chuckle softly under your breath.

The rolling chair slides backwards as you push yourself up from the bottom cushion, making an insignificant ‘thump’ against the back shelving unit. You walk out from behind the desk and end up right next to the panicking father, lips curled into a sweet smile. “Can I try something?”

He glances wearily between you and his crying baby, which did make you wonder what had to be going through his head if he was so hesitant to entrust his little one with a stranger even though he had first come inside just to make sure your center also took in babies.

“... sure, go ahead.” The stranger eventually caved and gave in, carefully handing off his precious little bundle of joy off to your waiting arms.

You’d handled babies countless times since you were the one in charge of them most of the time in the daycare, not to mention when you were younger you babysat the little ones quite often. So, handling this cute, wide-eyed baby was nothing foreign to you. Gently curling it up into the crook of your arms, you swayed back and forth like a ship at sea being swaddled by gentle ocean waves.

In no time at all, the baby had calmed down, its previous wailing cries now replaced by adorable cooing. “Boy or girl?” You ask the man quietly, still grinning warmly as your gaze met that of his baby’s.

“She’s a girl - her name is Eden.”

One of your eyebrows shoots up in surprise at the name, as it wasn’t natively Korean in any sense of the word. Seeing your interested and confused expression, the man rubs one of his arms and continues, “my cousin helped me name her. He’s Australian, so he kinda only gave me English names.”

“What about her mother? Did the missus not have any say in this matter?” You tease the stranger, looking over to him, expecting to see a flushed or embarrassed grimace on his tired features.

Yet, all you see is grief.

“Eden’s mother... she died giving birth to her.”

“I - I’m so sorry, sir,” you murmur sympathetically, furrowing your eyebrows at how strange it is to know of two cases such as his own in just the span of half a year, “I... well I wasn’t close to the mother or father, but I knew of a girl who died during childbirth as well. It’s absolutely awful.”

“Damn, I knew I looked different, but I didn't think it was that bad.” He snorts dryly, his deep brown eyes flickering all across your face.

Confusion etches itself across your features. “I’m sorry?”

“It’s me, Changbin. We uh, went to the same high school,” he explains to you, watching closely as your lips fall open into a surprised ‘oh’ shape, “you sent me a message ages ago, saying that... that she’d be happy since Eden still has her dad.”

He was right - he really had changed. Physically, that is.

When he walked in, you hadn't even been able to recognize the boy who just graduated along with the rest of your class a mere eight months ago. You were so used to his freshly shaven face and smooth, shining skin with full cheeks that reminded you of a junior named Han Jisung. Back then, he had short, black hair that was in an undercut, perfectly framing his face.

Now, Changbin had stubble that only added on to his tired persona, complimenting the faded purple bags sunken under his once bright, gleeful eyes. His cheeks, once round and full like a squirrel’s, were sharp and somehow sunken at the same time.

“Thank you, by the way,” Changbin muttered, “for the message. I mostly got half-assed texts saying they were sorry for my loss. Yeah, they meant well, but - no one besides you said anything about Eden only having me.”

“She’s very lucky you know,” you begin to reply, glancing back down at the baby girl staring up at you innocently, “to have someone like you as her father.”

“Someone... like me?”

You nod at his questioning, almost conflicted tone of voice. “Of course. From what I remember, the Seo Changbin I sort of knew in high school was so intelligent that he had over seven offers from universities around the world, just for medical school. He also volunteered, like, everywhere and made it his job to make sure everyone he met was happy.”

His eyebrows furrow as if he was in deep thought, clearly contemplating your kind, comforting words.

“I’m afraid to say it, but that side of me died a long time ago.” He replies shortly, coldly, leaving you no possible way to continue to conversation without it becoming awkward.

What had happened to him?

————————————————————————

Daycares were naturally very, very loud settings. You knew that, Mark knew that, just about everyone understood that single factor when signing up to work at the decently sized childcare center just down the street of the local elementary school.

That didn't mean that you were used to it, though.

“Eden? Eden - sweetie, we don’t eat crayons.” You exhale tiredly through your nose as you pick up the brunette haired girl in your arms once again, pushing aside the twinge of guilt that strikes your heart when she lets out a pitiful whine.

It was like she knew that she was your favorite of the bunch, always whining whenever you lightly scolded her for her wrongdoings. She was only a year and three months old, but she wasn’t lacking in the intellect department by any means. If anything, she had the mind of a two or three year old toddler, constantly testing your patience to see how far you would let her go.

Whilst you carry the girl in your arms, gently hoisting her up so her rounded chin rested on your shoulder, you could faintly hear Chenle and Jisung crying out over the most recent mess in the art room. From what Jaemin had told you, Eden had literally led a pack of older children into said art room and somehow found it in herself to convince them to paint - but not on the papers laid out appropriately on the desks, no; rather, they painted on the floor and the walls.

One of the older children, a six year old called Eunwoo, had promptly explained that Eden’s babbled words were law to them. She had pointed to the paint sets, then the walls, and let out a cute giggle followed by incoherent noises of pure joy. To them, that meant ‘paint everything you can!’

How her dad never gave into her oh so persuasive babbles, you would never know - simply because you occasionally fell for them, too.

“So she’s resorted to trying to snack on blue and green crayons, huh?”

Speak of the devil.

“She sure has. She has also become the leader of the other kids, according to my knowledge.” You laugh in an exhausted amusement, smiling tiredly as you turn to face Changbin himself.

He looked as utterly exhausted as you felt, truly. Not that you particularly blamed the man, since he had just arrived back from working at the mechanics shop, which was already a good hour drive away from the daycare center. And just this morning, he had to make a run to another part-time job he had at the gas station closest to the middle school a few blocks away.

To put it simply, he overworked himself, constantly. While his cousin’s parents from Australia did their best to send him checks every now and then, they did still have their own family to take care of - and neither his parents or the grandparents of Eden felt the need to support him.

It was awful and cruel, in your honest opinion; how both families treated their son and granddaughter, like they were sticks in the mud. Changbin’s parents claimed that he disappointed them the second they found out he was going to drop out of any scholarship opportunities to raise Eden, and truth be told her mother’s own parents were too stricken with grief to even look at her.

Since he had no time at all to actually go to school, Changbin ended up taking three different jobs all at once just so he could support his little ball of sunshine. Anyone could see the mental exhaustion that seemed to just radiate off of him most of the time - well, except when he was with his daughter.

Whenever he was able to have time with her, its like he had the whole world in the palms of his hands. Changbin would give up everything for Eden with no hesitation, even his own dignity and respect.

“Alright sunshine, you need to say sorry to Miss Y/N,” Changbin cooed to his little girl as he scooped her up carefully from your grasp, his previously cold, almost haunting gaze switching into one of warmth and pure love, “come on baby, say sorry.”

Eden parted her lips, and for a split second the two of you shared a look of excitement - would she finally say her first word?

Then a bit of drool dribbled down her chin, not a single word or even a babble to show that she had heard her father’s encouraging plights.

“Ah, f-fudge... totally not a bad word. Nope.” Changbin nearly missed cursing, having sheepishly caught sight of your narrowed eyes when he stuttered on the dreaded ‘f-word.’

“Once she starts picking up on the things you say - and almost say, Eden will only repeat whatever her dear dad says,” you hum knowingly as you scooch closer to the pair, gently wiping the drool off of the brunette baby’s chin, “hey, isn’t her doctor’s appointment today? Or am I confusing it with next Monday?”

The man in question is about to reply when you unconsciously use the dainty yellow tissue just on his daughter’s chin to wipe off the string of drool that had fallen onto his stained blue shirt. When he doesn’t respond for a moment, you tilt your head up and quickly recognize the faint flush to his cheeks.

You should probably move your hands off of his chest - which... was pretty broad; snap out of it!

Without a word you step back, nearly stumbling in your sudden moment of sheer embarrassment. As if he too had snapped out of his stunned daze, Changbin clears his throat and nods. “I - erm, yeah no; it’s today. I have to take her home and give us both a quick bath before we go, though.”

You nod your head, willing your cheeks to not flush a deep red color as he talks. Why in the world has he suddenly gotten you so flustered and riled up?

“Hopefully it’s just an ear infection and nothing too serious,” he added, “I really don’t know if I can handle more bills, you know?”

Eden wriggles in his arms, slowly becoming restless. He leans down and softly kisses her button-nose, a cute action that always resulted with the baby giggling and grasping at her father’s cheeks.

“I doubt it is anything serious, Changbin. Don’t forget, a lot of the kids tend to get some sort of pesky infection this time of year.” You try to reassure the worried, tense man, offering him a gentle smile when he glances back up from his daughter to you.

He pauses for a second, digesting your reassuring words before he mimics your small smile, a sight that was rare to see from the normally stoic man. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I guess it’s just the first time jitters, then.” Changbin chuckles softly, readjusting his now yawning child so she could rest her puffy face in the crook of his neck.

“Call m- I mean, call the front desk if she does have an infection, please. We want to keep everything extra sanitized if any of the kids get sick.”

Nice save.

His chapped lips twitch into a hint of an amused smirk upon catching wind of your stammer, but he doesn’t call you out on it; thankfully enough. “I will, don’t worry Y/N. Hopefully both of us will see you tomorrow.” He hums, using his fingers to guide Eden’s hand into making a tiny wave before they leave, the glass door swinging shut behind them.

————————————————————————

Two weeks have passed since then with no call from Changbin. You were a bit worried, to say the least, constantly waiting at the front desk for the call that should have gone through days ago. Your co-workers kept insisting that it was no big deal, that maybe she was sicker than believed and had to stay home while she recovered.

“Think about it, Y/N - he’s still pretty new at this whole dad thing. He probably got so worked up about making sure Eden is recovering well enough that he just... forgot to call.”

That was what Mark had said, but you just couldn’t shake this awful gut feeling stirring in your stomach; something felt wrong. You hoped dearly that you were wrong, obviously. You hoped and hoped and hoped that Changbin and Eden were just fine, maybe taking time off if she was, in fact, sick, or perhaps her dotting dad had randomly taken them off on a trip for whatever reason. While the former was less likely considering his financial issues, it was all your fried brain could possibly think of.

On the fourteenth day of playing the waiting game, you just about caved and looked into the records so you could potentially call Changbin yourself - but then the phone rings, startling you so much that you nearly toppled out of the rolling chair you’d been sat in the past three hours.

You lunge to the blue phone, though you don’t answer it until you manage to properly compose yourself - you didn’t know who the caller was, but you didn’t want said caller to hear your hitched breath and voice tainted with worry.

With another deep breath, you recollect yourself and bring the phone up to your ear. “H-hello, this is Chen’s Daycare Center! How may I help you?”

“Uh, is Y/N working today?” An unfamiliar voice rings out in the speaker, causing you to quirk an eyebrow, since it sounded a bit younger than you expected - and pretty damn deep, too. “I’m Seo Changbin’s cousin, he’s Seo Eden’s dad. This is kind of important.”

“Actually, I’m Y/N - you’re Felix, right? Changbin has mentioned you before.”

The boy breathes out in what sounds like relief on the other line. “Yeah, that’s me! I don’t really have a lot of time, sorry, but there’s something... well, not wrong, but - ah fuck, I’m so bad at this,” Felix huffs, pausing to collect the words he needed to say, “basically, Eden is sick. I’m watching her right now while Bin is working, and no one else will pick up their fucking phone. Could you maybe come by his apartment, please?”

Eden is sick.

Changbin left his cousin home alone to watch Eden - while she’s sick.

Eden is sick.

You would really have to pay Jaemin and Mark back after today. “Of course! What’s the address?”

————————————————————————

You couldn’t believe that you were standing right outside of Seo Changbin’s apartment. You couldn’t comprehend that you, of all people, were knocking on the front door, snorting in amusement at the deep accented voice of his own cousin calling out with a, “just a second!”

In the corner of your wandering gaze, you smile to yourself at the sight of colorful chalk strewn onto the concrete wall of the hallway on the second floor. It was evident that Eden had drawn the pastel pink and royal blue flower and sharp green grass, and it was even more obvious by the straighter, less messy lines of the bright yellow sun and poofy white clouds that her dad had drawn that section of the cute little portrait.

Eden, unlike the other rather mischievous kids at the daycare center, preferred to messily draw on the walls instead of the floor. This quirky little trait even transpired at home, as well.

You turn back to the front door when it finally swings open, revealing a boy who couldn’t have been a year older than you or Changbin. Felix - yes, that was his name, if you remembered correctly.

Even though he was a tad bit sweaty and clearly out of breath, Felix’s ginger hair with slightly darker brown roots was somehow swept into a perfect swoop, his freckled cheeks a little flushed and red.

How adorable.

“H-hi, you must be Y/N,” he breathed out a warm greeting, not hesitating to let you wander inside the apartment before he quietly closed and locked the front door behind you, “uh, b-before you do anything, I should exp-”

“Eden!” You hum in pure joy as you walk over to where the curly haired girl was sat on a wool carpet, her back facing you. You hadn’t meant to interrupt the poor boy, but going a solid two weeks without seeing the little tyke had deprived you more than you thought possible. “Hey sweetheart, it’s Miss Y/N!”

She didn’t turn at the sound of your voice.

Not wanting to startle her too much, figuring she just hadn’t been paying enough attention to hear your familiar, happy voice, you bend down behind her and try again. “Eden? Hey, it’s me! I’m going to help Felix watch over you for a while.”

No movement, no nothing - she just sat idly in the middle of the living room, quietly playing with her wooden blocks.

Slowly, you tap on the little girl’s shoulder, finally managing to catch her attention. She practically whipped her tiny body around in excitement, letting out oddball gurgles of joy. Holding her stubby arms out, she wiggled and tried to stand up on her own two feet so she could climb into your arms; but you beat her to it, swinging her up with a gleeful smile and cradling her in your arms.

Now content with the giggling baby in your grasp, you turn back to Felix, your own wide smile fading slightly at his remorseful frown.

“She uh... Eden... you remember how I told you she’s sick?” He asked you softly, stepping closer so he could hold out a finger to her, the both of you watching as she clings onto him.

You nod in reply, prompting him to continue. “The doctors say that she has m-meningitis - technically it’s just bacterial meningitis, so not totally fatal, thank god.” He forced out a dry laugh, crinkling his eyes at Eden as she begins to nibble on the end of his finger. “Apparently she’s had it for a while, but by the time we caught on to it, it was too late. S-she’s already lost a majority of her ability to hear, so she’s partially... deaf.”

Oh no.

“They prescribed some strong antibiotics that are helping her recover, but they can’t help with her deafness. She won’t go totally deaf, hopefully, but she’ll have to learn sign language and will need hearing aids. Bin’s been beating himself up about not catching it sooner, so he’s been shutting down... he only goes to work and comes home to be with her as much as possible.”

“That’s why he didn’t call,” you murmur quietly, looking back down to the gurgling baby in your arms, noting the lack of a hearing aid as of yet, “how is he holding up? Besides what you just told me.”

Felix’s shoulders sag at your question, not that he blamed you for asking. From what he’d heard from his older cousin, you were one of the only other people that he talked to frequently and trusted enough to take care of his daughter. Other than himself and a select few co-workers from his various jobs, Changbin didn’t socialize much.

He also knew that you’d taken a liking to Eden quickly, and that in turn the father and daughter duo had gotten used to you just as fast; that in itself was pretty rare, for the dad, anyway. When neither Woojin or Minho had answered his frantic calls, he looked through the slip of paper that his elder had left him in case he needed help with Eden. One of them had been labelled ‘Daycare - Y/N.’

“He hasn’t been doing great, if I’m being honest,” he muttered, “he doesn’t really trust anyone other than me to be patient with Eden, especially now that she has to have someone around willing to walk her through everything again. He actually told me that he was going to call you, but he also mentioned that you spoke about being a bit flunked with schoolwork recently.”

Stupid, stupid Changbin - why, you would hit him when he returned from work! You constantly reminded him that you, or more so the center, was always on call in case he or the other parents needed anything. That was pretty much the policy, courtesy of the founder, Kim Jongdae, or as the kids called him, Chen. While the kids were the main priority and focus, it was also common knowledge that a handful of parents (especially newer, less experienced ones) would drop by for some tips or hands on experience.

On the other hand, you were a little less agitated with his lack of calls because he’d considered your own schedule - which had been pretty hectic for a hot minute, as you did tell him one day, but that didn’t mean you were totally off the handle. He knew that you adored Eden, as well as the other kids, and that you’d drop everything if it meant helping them.

“If I’d known about all of this, I would’ve come over to help...” you grumble under your breath, now going to follow the footsteps of the Australian boy as he makes way towards the tiny kitchenette area.

Felix chuckles at your mildly annoyed words, going to toss what looked to be a burnt pancake in the trash. “You know, he said that you would be pissed once you found out. Says that you have this natural motherly side to you.”

You blush a bit at his amused comment, but don’t try to argue against it. After all, you supposed that’s why you did so well in the childcare field; you just really liked kids and went with their flow.

“He also said that was part of what he found super hot about you,” he continued, a smirk spreading across his plump lips when your jaw dropped in shock, “he’s always talking about you, or Eden - or about how, and I quote, ‘fucking sexy it is watching an intelligent, kind woman taking care of his babygirl,’ course he says... other things, too, but I don't dare to repeat those words around his own kid.”

In an attempt to ignore the furious red blush heating up your cheeks, you clear your throat and hastily change the subject. “I’m guessing you needed m-my help with cooking lunch?”

Felix, thankfully, doesn’t bring up your sudden subject change, instead nodding sheepishly in response to your question. “I guess Bin didn't mention it, thank god, but I kind of... sort of... suck ass at cooking. Really, I just shouldn't step into a kitchen, it’s that bad.”

“Okay, okay - I’m not the best, either, but I can make some amazing mashed potatoes. And, by the way - pancakes for lunch is a fantastic idea, but not for babies.” You tease the younger boy as you make your way to the refrigerator, preparing to make the three of you a semi-decent meal.

The ginger flushes at your lighthearted teasing, but doesn’t choose to retaliate. Instead, he carefully takes a babbling Eden from your arms, giving you more space to properly make their food.

“We’ll go watch some SpongeBob, or something. Thanks for cooking, Y/N!” He calls out as he saunters out of the kitchen, bouncing and cooing at the brunette tucked safely in his grasp.

You laugh to yourself, lightly shaking your head as you pull out your phone to make sure you’ve got everything to make your lunch.

————————————————————————

Six hours have passed since the three of you were plopped down in the kitchenette, seemingly squished against the back wall with a pink and white backsplash. The dining table was a hand-me-down, likely purchased from a flea market, but you supposed it only made the small apartment all the more lovable.

You and Felix got along quite well, truth be told; he was almost the polar opposite of his older cousin, in a permanent state of bright smiles and bubbly, deep laughs that reverberated throughout the walls of the Seo household. He told cheesy jokes and switched between English and Korean if he couldn’t recall a certain word - all in all, he was simply endearing.

For now, though, the hyper boy was crashing in Changbin’s bedroom. You’d told him to get some rest since he’d apparently been at the apartment since eight in the morning and it was ticking closer to six at night. He mentioned having early classes the next day, hence why you’d shooed him off into the bedroom.

Eden was currently passed out beside you on the lavender colored couch, her head nuzzled into a beaten up Munchlax plushie that she insisted on carrying with her the entire day after lunch. She called him “Gyu,” which wasn’t technically a real word from your knowledge, but it warmed your heart to know that she could still recognize the name of the doll and actually speak it aloud.

Like Felix had mentioned before, she wasn’t fully deaf, more so 75% at a loss of her hearing; she could make out some words well enough, but she would definitely need to know sign language sooner or later.

Which was why you were scrolling through a plethora of YouTube videos in the early hours of the night, eyeballing and saving the more reliable looking ones to a playlist you’d made just thirty minutes ago. They all addressed the topic of hearing loss, both partial and in full, and some had guides on how to sign things such as the alphabet or more specific words. You saved tons of videos, ranging from English sign language to Korean sign language - just in case.

Invested in your journey to saving as many useful videos as you possibly could, you don’t hear the distinct sound of keys jingling on the other side of the front door, nor do you hear said door quietly opening and closing.

“Y/N?” A familiar voice tears you out of your focused state, making you jump in surprise. “What... are you doing here?”

You tilt your head up from the bright screen of your phone, flushing slightly under Changbin’s tired yet inquisitive stare. “Felix - Felix called me earlier, said he needed help with Eden.” You breathe out quietly, almost inaudibly to the curious man in front of you.

Tired as he was, he still looked absolutely stunning. On Monday’s, he’d go to work in a car dealership instead of the mechanics shop downtown - meaning that he kind of had to dress a bit better than he usually did, in terms of professionalism.

He was clad in a somewhat scruffy black suit, fitted well to his body but a tad wrinkled from his day at work. He also sported black slacks and shiny shoes with a classic red tie; although you assumed it was one his daughter had pointed out while shopping, since it was adorned with white butterflies.

“Oh - s-so he probably told you about her, erm... problem.” Changbin stuttered out, beginning to unbutton the top of his suit, not noticing how your cheeks heated up at the innocent action.

You also stutter out a soft “yes” in reply, averting your gaze as he tosses the suit aside onto the arm of a stray chair nearby, revealing a tight-fitting white polo shirt.

“I... I would’ve called, I fucking swear, Y/N... I just didn't know what to say. I mean, how fucking bad of a dad must I appear to be, not knowing that my babygirl was suffering this entire time?” His voice cracks as he curses at himself, and for a split second he steps aside to crash into the wobbly chair; but by then you’ve shot up from your place on the plush couch, your fingers wrapped around his wrist to hold him in place.

“You are not a bad dad, Changbin; far from it, actually,” you retort quickly before he can argue back, reassuringly squeezing his wrist at the same time, “please, don’t beat yourself up over this. Eden needs you to be strong right now, more than ever. You’re her entire world, she can’t lose you because you wrongly blame yourself-”

And with that, he crumbles into your arms, breathing heavily as he finally, finally lets his walls down. The man, just barely touching twenty years of life, a single dad to the most beautiful little girl in the whole world, finally gives into his emotions.

You don’t even flinch at the feeling of a tear staining your neck, or at the feeling of the raven haired man sobbing quietly against your shoulder. Opting to release his wrist in favor of bringing him into a tight embrace, you soothingly rub on the back of his white polo shirt, uttering soft words of reassurance.

Neither of you notice, but Felix had woken up by the time Changbin had first started to rant; in fact, he’d been silently leaning against the frame of the hallway when his elder cousin, who he considered his brother, crashed into your arms and started crying.

Changbin needed someone to help him heal, and in Felix’s eyes, you were just the right person to do so.

————————————————————————

Changbin was no longer an enigma, in your eyes.

You found out a lot about Seo Changbin in the following months, more than you ever would have thought you would know, in all honesty.

Like... how the Munchlax plushie Eden practically stuck to like glue used to be his, and that he even used it during and after his high school years; he would’ve kept using it, too, if it hadn’t been for the fact that his daughter had claimed it so quickly after she’d been born.

You also learned that the raven haired man had just, always been expected to go into the medical field when he was growing up; he didn't quite resent that, he simply didn’t have the same burning passion for it as he did with producing his own music.

You loved his music, too; it was so raw and real to you, especially with the tracks he still hadn’t finished since he was so caught up with working to support himself and Eden. He had three that stood out to you, although they still weren’t titled, lest you count the numbers indicating the folders they were long since abandoned in.

The first one was about falling out of love, and you could only assume it retold the story of how he had slowly fallen out of love with the mother of his child. It wasn’t as solemn as it was angry, his words harsh yet heartfelt as he wrote out how he was so, so thankful to Eden’s mother for giving birth to her, gifting him with the most wonderful little girl in the universe. He was angry that he wasn’t “better” for her, that he couldn’t love her anymore the way she had so desperately loved him.

The second one was purely all about Eden, or as he called her, his miracle. Yes, being a single dad with little to no outside support brought a shit ton of stress into his previously relaxed, simple life, but he wouldn’t have had it any other way. He’d poured his soul into the parts he did actually finish, and you were sure that Eden would beg him to finish it one day.

The third one was definitely your favorite, though you weren’t quite sure why. Changbin had made the song in his own attempt to rekindle his joy for producing, you supposed. He referred to two people simply called “CB97″ and “J.ONE” a fair amount, citing them as the sole people who helped him grow a love for rapping and making music; perhaps they could be reunited, one day.

Something else that stood out to you, not about his music, but himself, was that Seo Changbin was a sensitive person, for lack of a better term.

When Eden has finally gotten her hearing aids, he teared up. Then, they were turned on and he called out to her, only to have her respond with a bright “dada!” Then he full on sobbed, grappling onto your arm in the doctor’s office as his babygirl was given the chance to properly hear the world again.

He also cried when Felix had to go back home to Australia for a month so he could finish his freshman year of college - only for both of you to find out that he was going to move to South Korea for the rest of his college years. He and a friend had rented out the lone apartment right under Changbin’s.

Even now, you could faintly recognize a small sniffle that escaped his otherwise quiet persona. The two of you were on your weekly “date night,” as Jisung and Chenle called it, though you hastily insisted otherwise; not that... you would have minded if it were true.

“Hey, Y/N?” He murmured softly to you in the middle of the chilly night, his hands tucked safely in the warm pockets of his gray hoodie while you walked side by side through the heart of the city.

It was a Saturday night, so obviously the sidewalks and streets were infested with loud crowds and bright, flashing neon lights. You both were just heading back to his apartment after a night of drinking at a quaint but lively bar that one of his friends owned, not totally drunk, but tipsy enough to stick close to each other to the point where your fingers would occasionally brush against his.

“Mm, yeah, Binnie?”

You didn't quite catch how his cheeks flushed in the pale moonlight, or how his breath momentarily hitched in his throat at the nickname. “I - do you -”

“Spit it out, Binnie - if you don’t say whatever it is you wanna say now, you’ll forget by the time we get back to the apartment.” You hummed knowingly, having gotten drunk with the man before; needless to say, he frequently forgot what he was going to say mid-sentence, or he just got off topic for no real rhyme or reason.

“... I was w-wondering, d’you want to move in, with me and Eden?” He blurted out suddenly, albeit softly, nervously, with a hint of a drunk stammer to his voice.

Now, to put it lightly, you were the complete opposite of Changbin when you were drunk; even mildly tipsy. While he would cut himself off and put his thoughts aside, you tended to be very, very blunt and straightforward.

“Sure, why not? Dunno where I’ll sleep, though.” You shrugged honestly, content with the little diddy you were humming under your breath.

Your partner pauses in the middle of the moving crowd, attracting a few disgruntled grumbles and curses as everyone forces themselves to snake around your bodies on the paved sidewalk. Noticing he’d fully stopped, you turn back around to meet his doe-eyed gaze, confusion plastered on your face. “What? Did I say something?”

“Y-you actually-? You really want to mo-move in with us?” He exhaled in disbelief, his airy breaths forming into a thin, transparent puff of chilled air.

Feeling much more confident in your slightly tipsy state, you march towards him, right in front of him, actually; and nod surely. “Mhm. Is that why you were sniffling a second ago? Because you were worried I’d say no or something?” You ask him innocently, only to giggle when he gulps and nods in reply. “Wow, you must be pretty dense, Binnie-”

“W-what?”

“Cause’ I really fucking like you, and Eden, obviously - you’re really attentive and a great dad, which is like, reaaally attractive. Oh -! Not to mention Eden is the cutest baby in the whole wide world!” You say with full confidence, lips curled into a sweet yet bold grin, stretching your arms out into the cold air just to further your point.

Without warning, Changbin’s hands latch themselves onto your waist before he manages to maneuver your back against an out-of-order vending machine. His chest presses against yours and his breaths fan out onto your parted lips.

“Good, cause’ I really fucking like you too.” Is the last thing he says before he smashes his lips against yours, melding them together even though you were both in public, pressed against a vending machine of all things.

But - you could’ve cared less.

From then on it’s a giant blur of motions, the last part you remember ending with his knee rubbing up between your thighs with his hands tangled in your hair.

————————————————————————

You wake up with a soft gasp, eyelids snapping open to be greeted with the sight of closed blinds and Changbin - wait, was that... Eden, tucked in between your bodies?

Your sudden sounds cause the man opposite of you to wake up with a low groan, his eyes much slower and reluctant to open. But when they do, his lips part to mimic your surprised gasp from mere seconds ago.

“The fuck did we do last night?” His voice comes out quiet and gravely, involuntarily making your poor heart pound wildly in your chest.

“I - I think we crashed as soon as we got back.” You answer him, gesturing between your bodies as you silently point out that the both of you were still very much clothed and, thankfully, not completely naked in any sense of the word.

He lets out a sigh of relief. “Thank fuck we didn’t, well, fuck. Not that... I would mind, but Felix would’ve killed me since he was stuck watching Eden last night.” Changbin corrects himself with a deep blush, looking down at the sleeping form tucked neatly beneath the giant gray blanket engulfing a majority of the bed.

You giggle at how he covered up his words, sleepily smiling at the flushed man.

There’s a comfortable silence for a couple of minutes following that instance, your eyes flickering all over his bare, somewhat bloated features. He had a hint of purple bags under his eyes, though they were much better if you were to compare them with the sagging of his eyelids from when you’d first met him almost a full year ago; met again, technically. There’s a blemish or two dotting his puffed, red cheeks, but it only added to his charm. Not to mention his adorable bedhead and morning voice.

“Did you - did you really mean what you said, last night?” Changbin eventually broke the silence, opening his eyes once more to blink and take in your calm demeanor. “Y’know, with... the whole ‘really fucking like me’ thing, and the moving in with us deal.”

It’s your turn to blush at his teasing words as he recalls your mildly drunken state from the night before, a small smirk gracing his sleepy features. “Of course I meant what I said, Binnie - to both things.” You reply honestly, shifting in his bed so you could carefully tug the comfy gray blanket under your chin and over Eden’s exposed shoulder to keep her nice and warm.

“Good - that’s, really good.” Is all he says, suddenly caught up with staring at your sweet smile and pink tinted cheeks. “God, I really want to kiss you again.” He mutters, brown eyes fixated on your lips.

“I want to kiss you too.” You hum quietly, drinking in the little sunlight that manages to peek through the mostly closed blinds, the shadows casting a warm glow onto his and Eden’s figures.

He nibbles on his bottom lip for a moment, knowing that neither of you would dare risk waking up Eden just for a quick peck or a lazy morning make-out session.

You shiver in anticipation when his fingers suddenly move to your side of the bed and clamp onto one of your hands, then you’re left to become a blushing mess as Changbin brings your cold knuckles up to his lips, pressing a warm, delicate kiss to your skin.

“I’m so glad that you’re here, love.”

“I am too, Binnie. I am too.”

end.

#seo changbin #stray kids #skz #stray kids imagine #stray kids scenario #stray kids texts #stray kids drabble #stray kids fic #skz imagine #skz moodboard #skz angst #skz au #skz fic #changbin scenario #changbin fic #stray kids fluff #stray kids angst

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momtemplative · 4 years

Text

One-Act Play

It was the summer of 2004. I was living at 940 North Street in Boulder, in the strange kind of rental property you can only get away with in your twenties. It was dilapidated and half-swallowed by shrubbery, but also rustic and quaint, a slice of woods in the middle of town. (A raccoon had babies in my ski boots out back.) It was few blocks from the mountains and a few more blocks to Pearl Street. I used to ride a hand-me-down bike that was heavy as wrought-iron down to the Trident Coffee Shop on Pearl Street and pretend I was a “real” writer.

(I parked and tripped over the very same bike during the very same summer to greet my buddy, Lisa, and her friend, Jesse, who were enjoying a drink at an outside table at the Corner Bar. That was the first time I met Jesse, and the summer of 2004 is when our romance began. But that story is for a different day.)

I had just quit my job after a year of working as a receptionist at a chiropractic office. I’d had it with a passive-aggressive boss and no growth potential. I was living with my former African drum teacher and his girlfriend. They ascribed fully to the phrase you-only-live-once and they buzzed with a sort of free-spiritedness that would make my mom cringe. So when I quit my (responsible if people-pleasing and self-sacrificing) job, fate had it so I was living with them, with their input that said, Good Riddance. Now what do you really want to do?

In a bold act of maternal generosity, my mom wrote me a check that covered tuition for the entire month of the Summer Writing Program at Naropa’s Jack Karoac School of Disembodied Poetics. (Naropa, a Buddhist college in Boulder, CO.) I signed up for one week with artist /dancer, Michelle Ellsworth, and used the extra on rent and groceries. (I’d been in Colorado for all of two years and I was barely able to make ends meet even before my new status of being unemployed.)

I picked Michelle randomly; I liked her picture in the brochure. I can envision her now, as clearly as if I had a Fotomatic print of her in my hands. Clear blue eyes like crystals you hang in the window to shoot rainbow-slivers into the space. A wide, shiny smile. She spoke to our crowded class with a quick, giggly cadence, like the tick of a wound-up clock. Any details blur into the oblivion of non-essential memory, but her imprint, like that of a fossilized leaf on a river stone, hasn’t faded in the slightest.

Our assignment was to write a one-act play about anything.

940 North was entirely furnished in one afternoon from the Habitat for Humanity Thrift store, and its décor was mostly provided by an old lady’s estate sale. I had emptied out the closet in my bedroom to make a writing nook. I had an ancient laptop and a borrowed printer. We definitely did NOT have Internet; I had to use the computers at the college for that. This was still an era where Internet could be used intermittently and intentionally—for checking email and other specific to-dos that required only a finite amount of time. This was before Internet was available and necessary for us to receive continuously and at a heavy drip.

I had not slacked. I didn’t procrastinate. To the contrary—I cleared my calendar for this assignment, took it way too seriously and tried WAY too hard. I wanted so badly to be awesome at this, but after two complete afternoons, I could barely pinch out a coherent sentence.

On the due date, Michelle said, “Ok, let’s go around and have everyone tell us about their play.”

Bla, bla, bla, blur, blur, everyone did their assignment, no problem, until the spotlight landed on me with, it seemed, the sound of brakes coming to a screeching halt. I cleared my throat and shifted in my chair.

“I didn’t finish it.” I said. I felt a clenching desire to fold up and hide. The back of my skull droned like the sudden onset of a fever.

She smiled without a fleck of irony. “Then tell me what you did instead.”

Okay...? So many eyes on me...”Honestly? I re-organized my closet. Then I stared at a blank screen. Then I ate a bunch of potato chips. Then I typed a few words and printed a page, tossed it into the trash, hung out with my roommates and cleaned my toilet. It went on like that for hours, two full afternoons.”

“Well then that’s your play,” Michelle said, giddy with the proposal. “Anyone want to help Heather out with this one?” Four hands from four complete strangers shot up.

Low, behold, later that week, the five of us lined up on stage like human-cogs in the grand machine that was to be our performance.

I, PERSON ONE: typed furiously on a typewriter, then I pulled out the paper and handed it to the person to my left. Then I started again, and it went on like this.

PERSON TWO: crumbled up the paper and threw it into a bucket of water, then put a hand out my way for another paper to crumple and dunk. Our movements were stiff and mechanical.

PERSON THREE: pulled the paper out of the bucket, squeezed it then smoothed it flat on a towel. Then she looked up to pretend-talk to an invisible person, while pulling another paper from the water.

PERSON FOUR: grabbed the wet paper from the towel and handed it to the next person. Then he shoved a handful of potato chips from a bag open directly in front of him into his mouth, before grabbing and passing another one.

PERSON FIVE: placed the wet paper overtop a balloon that was held steady onto a table with tape, and then another wet paper and another.

It went like this, a factory line going going going through at least six cycles, each of us doing our part to assemble a visual-thought from beginning to end, without fighting or judging—just reporting.

When the last piece of paper whizzed out of my typewriter and was handed to the next person, I froze. Then, each of the four remaining performers did their respective actions and froze, until PERSON FIVE was the only one moving. He plastered the final wet paper to the balloon and held it up for observation. Then the scene went dark, and, applause.

The idea that there is information (dare I say wisdom, creativity) in the non-doing, the over-doing, and everything in between, shattered my archaic notions of black-and-white thinking. It created grand pockets of space for curiosity to germinate. Curiosity— the grand antidote to perfectionism.

I could not undo this teaching even if I tried.

I pull it out now as a sort of valuable overlay to everyday life. It breathes oxygen into the mundane moments, and works as sort of a salve when shit doesn’t go as planned, which is the New Normal. Let the record show, I’ve had young kids in my life for the passed decade-plus, so I’m accustomed to lack of control. And yet, I’ve always also had certain chunks of the day when I was guaranteed some sense of command over my own actions. While Ruth was in preschool, 12 hours a week, I worked and did adult life, making choices that actually happened. At a bare minimum, I had that.

Now we are dwelling in the land of a thousand distractions, with no reprieve. There is no boat off this island. No departures in the near future. It often feels like the how the day unfolds is entirely up to some larger sources that I have utterly no influence on. Is Ruth in the mood to play independently for any stretch of time today? Is she up for watching a TV show while I do a little writing? Will she spend more than five minutes on an art project without descending into coloring her eyeballs with face paint or covering an entire palm in glitter glue? One never knows. One can only pray.

Truth: It took me an hour to write and send a three-line email this morning. The staggering disruptions became almost comical. Ruth fell down FOUR separate times. This is an extreme example, almost as if her nervous system could sense my focus was elsewhere and ran a smear campaign against Mom Completing Any Singular Task. But, if perhaps a lighter version, this is a typical day.

Before Michelle, I may have regarded these off-script moments as those of non-doing, small fails to wrestle with until I can get my “actual shit done.” But today I can see there is so much more there. Choices, aggravation, empathy, my physical body, the body of my wild-puppy preschooler, suppressed laughter, expressed laughter, suppressed annoyance, expressed annoyance—all are contained in these moderately priced moments.

Then you add a blizzard. In the last four days, we’ve gotten multiple feet of snow. The world is covered in a suffocating wool blanket, itchy and hard to breathe underneath. The snow outside—higher than the dog’s belly!!—squeezes us between the walls of this house, everything inside seems tighter and louder because of the outside’s sound-deadening insulation.

So there’s my one-act play for today.

#momtemplative #HeatMamaWords #OneActPlay #COVIDwords #michelleellsworth

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haledamage · 5 years

Note

OK I gotta ask Kai/Rekke for the OTP asks, even if a lot of these are way beyond their current status... :-D #4, 7, 16, 20, 27, 34, 36, 42, 43, 46?

4. When they can’t sleep, what do they do?

Rekke sleeps like the dead. He’s one of those people that falls asleep as soon as he lays down. Doesn’t matter where they are or what they’ve been doing, he could lay on a slab of bare stone and wake well-rested. So if one of them can’t sleep, it’s always Kai.

She sleeps better than she did during the Hollowborn Crisis, but she was never an easy sleeper even before becoming a Watcher, and now… well, a good week means she only has a sleepless night every three days or so. A bad week means no more than 2 hours of sleep each night - or worse, nightmares.

Rekke joins the rotation of those that keep Kai company on bad nights fairly early on (along with Eder, Aloth, and Vela. Xoti eventually joins them, too, much later. Vela calls them the Watcher Watchers because she’s adorable). Probably joins them before he has a full grasp of Aedyran, even. He likes to help, to be of use, and he’s got a pretty big crush on Kai from day 1, so any way he can help her specifically is a good thing to him.

Early on, he uses that time to learn Aedyran from her and to teach her Seki. Later, he tells her stories of his homeland and his family. Tries to make her laugh. Tries to push away all the bad things and the meddling gods and the nightmares and make her feel safe.

Much later on, he shares the bed with her, trying to help her feel safe and protected even when she’s sleeping. That doesn’t happen until they’ve really established a relationship, though; since Rekke is aware of his feelings for her so early on, he feels that to offer Kai any kind of physical comfort, even just holding her hand or something like that, would be exploiting her vulnerability for his own selfish reasons. He only starts to do so when she starts to understand her own feelings and reciprocate them.

7. Who comes up with the cheesy pick-up lines?

100% Rekke. He collects them and shares the worst ones when Kai’s having a bad day, because they make her laugh but also they make her blush and those are both wins in his book.

One time, randomly, she tells him one instead and he almost proposes to her on the spot.

16. Who reminds the other to put on sunscreen before going to the beach (or pool)?

Kai reminds Rekke. He’s much paler and more likely to burn than she is. Though even when they don’t burn, they both freckle. Well, freckle more. There are so many freckles.

20. What do they argue about the most?

They both have a habit of throwing themselves into danger to help other people. Rekke’s quote about his scar being from doing “something noble or stupid” could apply to both him and Kai in many aspects. They tend to yell at each other when one of them gets hurt helping people, but it’s mostly out of concern rather than anger. They don’t argue often, though - and most often, what happens is they run into the stupid danger side by side and then Aloth yells at them both for it later.

27. Who cooks at 2 in the morning?

Kai. She’s a stress baker, and she’d probably be up at 2am anyway. May as well make some cookies.

34. Do they go on dates? What are they like?

I don’t think they go out on ‘dates’ very often, though they do go out together a lot. While they’re still in the Deadfire, they go on ‘get away from the crew’ walks, because lack of privacy when you’re trying to start a relationship can be daunting. They like to go exploring together later, when they start travelling - in Aedyr and Rauatai and Lipsalis and the Dyrwood, getting themselves into just enough trouble that it’s fun to get themselves out of it again. They’re that one couple that goes hiking and free-climbing as their weekend date.

She still brings a book, though. A tiger can’t change its stripes, after all.

36. Which one is the secret snuggler?

Kiki. Rekke makes no secret about being a cuddler ;) but once she gets past her (many, many layers of) reservations, she’s in his personal space any chance she gets.

42. What is their favorite feature of their partner?

Rekke loves Kai’s laugh. She has a really good laugh, sweet and joyful and infectious and also very rare. Every time he gets to hear it is a gift. Physically: her hands. Watching her cast intricate spells or writing in her journal or grimoire is very distracting. He fell out of a chair once watching her plait her hair; he probably isn’t as embarrassed about it as he should be. (honorable mention: her hair. It’s like his, but even fluffier! He may be a little jealous, and he definitely doesn’t understand her dislike for it)

Kai loves Rekke’s voice. She likes to listen to him talk, no matter the language. His accent is also very sexy, though she would never admit that, of course. Physically: his lips. More specifically, his smile. She likes the hint of mischief there even when his expression is otherwise neutral. She can tell what he’s thinking by the shape of his smile even more than from the look in his eyes and no, she’s not staring you’re staring, shut up. (honorable mention: his scar. She has no idea why, but she’s fascinated by it)

43. What is the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

Rekke knows he has feelings for Kai from very early on. He has a crush on her pretty much from the moment she pulls him from the ocean, though that early on it’s mostly just based on “this woman saved my life and she’s beautiful and awe-inspiringly powerful”. It develops into something real as he gets to know her, but probably even before Hasongo and definitely before Motare o Kozi, he knows he’s in love with her. So as far as he’s concerned, nothing changes when he realizes he has feelings for her because he always has.

For Kai, the first thing that changes is "darling" :3 It's not until she slips and calls him that that she even starts to realize she has feelings for him.

(for context: Kai has not had very many positive examples of romantic relationships in her life. The two that stand out are her sister Bella and Bella's wife Moire, and an old orlan couple she travelled with in Ixamitl for a while. Moire has always called Bella "my darling Bella" and the orlan couple called each other darling too. It stuck in her mind as an Important Petname reserved only for loved ones. So Vela is "my darling" but no one else gets that privilege which is why it's such an "oh no" moment when she accidentally calls Rekke that (in the alternate universe where Kai is with Aloth, calling him "darling" from early on is her way of admitting how she feels about him before they are at a stable enough place to act on it. It's like holding up a sign that says "I LOVE YOU" to someone, but it's in a language they don't understand))

The first thing that really changes between them when Rekke realizes that Kai reciprocates his feelings is that he compliments her a lot. Some hints of that have shown up in fanfic already, I think. It's his way of making his interest and intention clear while still letting her choose the pace things progress. Mostly it just makes kai.exe freeze and stop working.

46. Who initiates kisses?

Early on, Kai. Rekke doesn't want to scare her off, so he lets her initiate any affection or intimacy between them until she stops looking over her shoulder like he's going to be taken away from her.

Once she mellows, though, definitely Rekke. Every chance he gets. It should probably be embarrassing but she enjoys every minute of it.

#I was hoping to get asks about them :)#I'm really having so much fun with them #also before anyone asks: yes I am still working on other prompts #they are coming I promise :)#.....once I finish this other fic I'm working on #rannadylin

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journeysintowebcomics · 5 years

Text

Worm Liveblog #108

UPDATE 108: Coil Reaches Endgame

Last time Skitter was going to spend time with Dad Hebert, a very long overdue decision. They decided to go to the town hall. Unfortunately for her day off, Coil is about to make his move, his major move, haha! Get it? Because of the mayoral—oh forget it. Anyway, this is happening now.

Since technology has been set back to levels not seen since the 1850s, everyone who wants to find out what the candidates say actually have to come here. Director Piggot is in front, alive and kicking, and presumably trying to leave behind the fact she most likely was left to wander around the city for hours with handcuffs and a gag made with a sock, given how communications were very restricted. Hmmm...if the director is here, then some PRT agents must be nearby too, I imagine. That should be good but I’m not sure they’ll hold their own against Coil’s troops.

Not too far away Taylor can feel Coil and his troops are getting ready. Circus is here, so that means there will be superpowered antics today. Say, I wonder if part of the reason why Coil told everyone to not go out costumed is to prevent any kind of intervention. The odds were low, but he’s not the kind of man who’d take a chance needlessly.

Let me introduce your candidates, starting with Mr. Roy Christner, our mayor incumbent. We also have Mrs. Carlene Padillo, city councilor of communications; and Mr. Keith Grove, C.E.O. of Eaststar Financial.

Huh, those jobs are...much more prominent than I expected, honestly. I thought they’d be two civilians indistinguishable from everyone else, but it turns out they’re notorious. I wonder what he offered to convince them to play along, or what kind of threats he issued.

Tonight’s subjects are crime, public safety and the state of the city. Would you start us off, Mayor Christner? What sets you apart from the other candidates in your views?

What a question! I’m half-expecting one of the other candidates to slyly point the current mayor caved under villainous threats and therefore would be a weak leader in these times of turmoil. Politics are a dirty game, and all that matters is which of the puppets wins, no? So one of them can afford to be confrontational and smear the mayor’s good name. Coil’s plans will go well as long as the mayor doesn’t win again.

The mayor talks about how tough the situation is, and then mentions something that gets my attention:

I’ve discussed the subject with Legend, with Dragon and with Chief Director Costa-Brown of the PRT.

We know Chief Director Costa-Brown is Alexandria and is currently in Cauldron’s side. Given how Coil is one of Cauldron’s customer, given how expensive his power was, I imagine Cauldron would try to protect Coil the best they could. Could it be Brockton Bay being under Coil’s control is a part of Cauldron’s plans?

As I expected, one of the puppet candidates doesn’t waste any time and attacks the mayor’s work, saying the promises to return Brockton Bay to what it used to be are impossible. In the meantime, Taylor tries to stop Coil from acting by telling him to stop. Being a reasonable man and deciding things were going well, Coil paid attention and left the place, taking his soldiers with him.

As if.

Of course that didn’t happen, he completely ignored the request. He’s in the pivotal point that’ll mark the start of his endgame, he’s not going to quit no matter what.

What puppet candidate Grove is proposing actually sounds quite reasonable – starting over and making use of funds given by international entities – and he even mentions the ferry, which I’m sure will convince some of those here to vote for him. What I’m not sold on is the part about promoting Brockton Bay as a symbol of perseverance and human spirit so new residents and tourism activates. Thaaat isn’t really going to happen at all during the next mayor’s tenure, that much I can tell you. Nobody will come live here or make tourism unless the renovations are finished at lightning speed.

I fidgeted. Could I attack? Should I attack? If I left now, maybe stepped into the side hallway, I could maybe avoid the soldiers, get to a vantage point where I could mount a counterattack against Coil.

Coil must know Skitter’s civilian identity, so that would put not only herself, but Dad Hebert in danger too. Acting will make her his prime target, on the off-chance she isn’t already. Personally I think it’d be better to wait and see what happens. Nothing says Coil can’t be defeated after he establishes his mayoral reign of terror, Taylor doesn’t have to act today.

Don’t mention the possibility of Dad Hebert dying, Taylor, you’ll jinx it!

The puppet candidates are relentless, they’re hitting the mayor with everything they have, saying he has part of the blame for the heroes’ failures, all the way back to Leviathan’s attack. I disagree, if only because how do you prepare for an Endbringer? I’m sure no matter who the mayor is, even if it’s the most beloved and adored person ever, they’d have to carry part of the blame because preparing adequately is impossible.

Taylor considers her course of action and reasonable concludes Coil most likely has ways to counter any attack from her, so perhaps waiting and seeing what he’d do would be better? Would he place innocent civilians in danger? Oh, no doubt he would! But hurting people randomly may be bad for long-term plans, no?

No, the blame lies with the PRT and the mayor’s administration, which he admits was heavily involved in the decisions made. Highly questionable decisions: Holding back when they could have intervened. Forcing confrontations when our heroes were gravely outmatched.

In their defense, I’ll say so many suits made by Dragon versus the Travelers and Undersiders wasn’t really gravely outmatched. How could the mayor and others know the villains were too clever and strong to be defeated by this? Heck, Piggot was oozing confidence while she was caught. I doubt anyone thought the villains would win.

The debate barely lasted five minutes before Coil makes his move, bursting into the auditorium with Circus, Uber and Leet with him. Speaking of the city’s threats, eh, civilians? Panic ensues, the soldiers block the exits. I imagine that means the civilians will either be used as leverage, or Coil wants them to listen to him.

I was wondering why there had been no mention of heroes being around, given there were important people in this town hall. Turns out Coil set fires on many places to keep them busy and away from this building, and even says he did the same on the Undersiders and Travelers’ territories to keep them busy as well. I’m sure that’s a bluff – the part about fires on their territories, I mean. It would kind of ruin the progress made, what after recovering those places from Dragon just the day before.

“You bastard,” the Mayor growled. “First my niece, now this?”

Niece?

Of course. I’d heard Dinah was niece to one of the mayoral candidates. I hadn’t realized she was the niece to the mayor.

So it turns out Skitter was unknowingly causing trouble to the mayor since longer than she thought. Goodness, that must have been a bitter realization.

Coil promises any civilian in the audience will be safe. Anyone who has a title or an important role, though, aren’t so safe. To demonstrate, he orders Circus to throw knives at the candidates. Well then! Pretty clear his intention here isn’t to create goodwill, haha, not that he’d have been very successful at that anyway.

I wonder if the two puppet candidates, currently with knives sticking out of them, are regretting accepting to do what Coil says. I’m sure he never mentioned they’d be stabbed. The mayor doesn’t seem to be dead, this must have been a demonstration that Coil can kill someone if he wants to, a warning to everyone. After all, if his parahuman accomplice can hit points without killing, surely hitting the right points would be easy.

That doesn’t deter Piggot, though. She confronts Coil, saying his actions here will make so many heroes come and try to crush him. That’d spell a lot of trouble for the Undersiders and Travelers, then, but I’m sure Coil already has some way to fight that. He tells Piggot he has it under control, pretty much, and commands Circus to stab her.

“The bitch is too fat. Thinking I didn’t hit anything vital,” Circus said.

“See it through,” Coil ordered, turning to leave with Über and Leet accompanying him. Circus turned to follow, flicking her wrist hard over her shoulder. Three knives traveled through the air, their paths eerily in sync as they nearly touched the ceiling, converging together as they dropped towards Piggot.

Well, dang, after everything that had happened I didn’t think she’d die. I really thought she’d be somewhat of a recurring character, but no, here she died. Dragon and Defiant will hear about this, that I’m certain.

Oh, nevermind, the Wards are here! Weld saved Piggot’s life, stopping the knives right away, and the rest of the Wards manage to stop Coil’s trained mercenaries without much trouble. Vista cut off any escape route, Kid Win is firing some non-lethal projectiles around, Chariot is attacking the soldiers – I suppose since he is Coil’s spy he already knew this all was going to happen – and Clockblocker is giving support- All in all, they’re turning things against the soldiers, no problem here!

Now, the parahuman villains. I’m not worried about Uber and Leet, they have never been what you’d call ‘a threat’. Circus may be one, if only for versatility. The Wards have advantage if numbers, anyway, once the soldiers are taken out. Coil is not a fighter, but at this point I refuse to believe he didn’t think something like this could happen, so it’s possible he has something up his sleeve. Heck, maybe he has the Travelers stashed not far away for all I know.

I just realized that, with all this happening, Dad Hebert will take it as confirmation of what he had said: it’s all just matter of time before a stronger villain comes to take everything, and here’s a stronger villain – possibly.

Everybody is being evacuated through the back of the stage, and Taylor considers helping. She decides against it on that she’d be in a bad situation no matter what. If Coil wins, he’ll know Skitter helped the heroes and he’d retaliate so hard Skitter wouldn’t have time to think of a way to protect her dad and herself. If the heroes win, then they’ll try to find out who Skitter is, and they already have enough information to make a pretty good guess. What else can she do but leave? Leave everything to the heroes.

All but the mayor were apparently alive. The only one I could wonder about was the mayor. He was lying prone, receiving CPR at the hands of two people.

The mayor just couldn’t catch a break at Coil’s hands, huh. Ever since this story started, Coil has been beating down this man, all because the mayor was, well, the mayor. I’m pretty convinced having a position of power in this world makes you a prime target for the villains.

Since this all is Coil making his move, the Wards seem to have decided they don’t need to keep Chariot around anymore, they turn onto Chariot and freeze him. Now he can’t do anything Coil may have asked him to do here. Coil, Uber, Leet and Circus arrive again, followed with soldiers, intending to fight the Wards. Why is Coil here? Wouldn’t it have been better for him to go away and leave everything to his parahumans and soldiers? He already said his piece and made people be stabbed, may as well go away now!

For some reason Coil dropped to one knee and activated something in Kid Win’s armor, something that starts to whine. Can’t be good! Uber and Leet shoot, Vista is done for and Clockblocker freezes himself, pretty much meaning he won’t intervene anymore either. Kid Win managed to fight back at them, all the villains turn to leave.

So, the plan is to teleport the whining device – an energy cell, it seems – away, up in the sky, where it won’t hurt anyone when it explodes. The fact it’ll explode wasn’t lost to anyone, everyone keeps trying to flee but all the panic is making that difficult, so Kid Win and Weld move quickly to complete this plan.

Or that had been their plan. It didn’t work out that way. I saw a flicker of light from the lobby, the glow of the device, and Coil wheeling around to face us, his screaming lost in the midst of the shrill whine and the shouts of the others.

Wait, what happened? How did their plan fail? It’s clear they managed to teleport the bomb, that much was clear, but how was it into the lobby instead of, well, up in the sky? Okay, it’s true that the part about it being teleported up into the sky was Taylor’s deduction, but somehow I can’t imagine the Wards teleporting a bomb in the middle of the villains, especially when there still are civilians around. What I do can kind of accept is that they would be a tad less stringent about not hurting the villains, though, seeing how they came here explicitly to stab four people.

--Coil’s body coming apart in pieces—

Okay! I call shenanigans. There’s absolutely no way in hell Coil will die at such point. There’s no way things can be so convenient for Taylor, which is also why earlier I was sure the heroes weren’t going to defeat Coil. Something’s up. Either Taylor was wrong about what she was seeing, or this isn’t the real Coil. I’m leaning towards the second because really, I’m still baffled Coil would return here after making his point. That can’t have been the real Coil at any point.

No more to think about now, because the blast reaches Taylor and Dad Hebert. Welp. So much for spending time with Dad Hebert. If there’s two people I feel bad for in this entire story, it’s Panacea and Dad Hebert. They both deserve better than what they got, geez.

Next chapter, since this is not a good stopping point.

Don’t talk about the weight of a body on top of you! Freaks me out about Dad Hebert’s state. I hope he’s just unconscious – and he is, thankfully. Taylor herself seems to be blinded, whether it’s temporary or permanent is yet to be seen, pun not intended. She’s forced to use her bugs to look around, or at least have an idea of what’s going on, carefully since she doesn’t want a swarm that could alert anyone Skitter was in the area.

The first responders are already in the area, thank goodness. I imagine Taylor will try to take her dad to one of the ambulances as soon as possible. There are fatal victims, they seem to be some of the press. Well dang, this really should bring other cities’ heroes down onto Brockton Bay, outsiders died. Chariot is gone, whether he was disintegrated or not is not clear. Clockblocker is the only Ward who was hurt in the explosion. This is all Taylor can determine right now, and one of Dad Hebert’s friends talks to her. They’re all hurt. Crap, it’s always tragic to see civilians getting hurt. Always hits me in the feelings.

Even in this situation, Taylor wants to stand up and go check on people, see if anyone is hurt. She gets away from Dad Hebert’s friend and approaches the mayor, who is still alive, thankfully. On the verge of death, but he’s hanging there. Right now he’s in danger of bleeding out. I remember Taylor has first-aid training, but if she does something wrong here she’d be liable for the mayor’s death, no? Besides, she can’t see a thing. So she calls for help, and nobody comes.

Say, now that I think about it, I’m surprised she left Dad Hebert behind. I’m not saying she should have carried his prone body around, buuuut I did think she’d stick with him no matter what.

Damn Coil. I would make him answer for this.

Yes, I had seen ‘Coil’ die. I had little doubt others had as well, even news cameras would have had eyes on the scene. Especially news cameras. Coil had staged this, taken advantage of the reporters’ cameras, the fact that there were no working communications, and all the important figures would be attending. He was too savvy, too invested in his plan to not have taken all the variables into account. Just the fact that I knew about his power turned this whole scenario on its head. He wouldn’t have charged in like this without a backup, without a version of himself staying safe and secure in his underground base, just in case things went awry.

No. I might have seen the man die, but the more I thought about it, the less I could believe that man was Coil.

Yes! Yes, exactly. Thanks, Taylor, you’re saying right what I had thought before. There’s just no way Coil died here, not after everything. He’ll control everything from the shadows. Given the situation, I guess that means the mayoral puppet stuff won’t be happening anymore? Either way, Coil must be alive, most likely in his hideout, waiting to hear everything went according to his plan.

A paramedic comes, and Dad Hebert is starting to wake up. Taylor tells the paramedic how injured she is, and even downplays how she can’t see. Instead, she urges them to help Dad Hebert, his friends, and the wounded mayoral candidates and Piggot. The paramedic listens, sending others to take care of them, and this is the extent of what Taylor can do.

It’s a bit of a miracle there aren’t that many people with serious injuries. Explosions are rather indiscriminate when it’s about hurting people, after all. Taylor herself may be the proof of that, all she got was general soreness and a burn on her face. The blindness is because she was looking directly at the explosion, not many must have been doing that. Taylor is calm, seething in her hatred for Coil, already planning to make him pay. Well I guess her course of action is clear: she’ll make sure Dad Hebert and his friend are safe, and then she’ll call Coil to demand an explanation as to what happened. Coil will once again have to deal with her ever-constant morality, he won’t enjoy it at all, hah.

Sort of like how I was looking at the potential end of the world. I wouldn’t worry about it until we’d exhausted every resource available and verified that in this era where countless people had the ability to break the fundamental rules of reality, someone couldn’t stop it from happening.

Well, she’s right about that, at least. Given how there were a lot of people who could do amazing and senseless things, someone may be able to do something about the end of the world. The problem is that Dinah sounded so certain of that, and so far I have no reason to believe she’d be wrong about something. Maybe Taylor should focus not on stopping the end of the world, but on what could be done with the people. Maybe everyone can be transported somewhere else away from the planet while it’s falling under Jack Slash’s horrors, like the moon. Or to an alternate dimension, since the Cauldron interludes showed making portals is possible. The problem is making it all be in a global scale and make it so the cause of the end of the world – whether it’s Jack Slash or something he makes happen – can’t come along.

Pretty awful thought: doing all that will be much easier the more people die. Geez, that’s negative.

Dad Hebert is already getting attention, so now the paramedic insists on taking a good look at Taylor, to make sure she doesn’t have internal injuries or anything like that. Remembering that’s indeed a possibility, Taylor accepts, getting carried around on a stretcher. Thank goodness, she’ll let herself rest a little. I was half-expecting her to leave right away to confront Coil, with a burn on her face and disheveled from being near an explosion.

Since she can’t move and she’s waiting on the stretcher, Taylor uses this time to think about Coil’s plan.

That was what got me. This whole thing bordered on senselessness. Hurting these people, putting me in the line of fire. Why attack the event? It would draw attention from heroes across the nation and it would make holding the city that much harder. Had he abandoned the plan? Or were there nuances I wasn’t aware of?

It is odd. At first I thought it may have been that he was trying to fake his death, by making a body double die in his place, but if the press died then their equipment must have been damaged too. There’d be no footage of Coil dying, nor there would be any proof of that, given how Taylor said he was pretty much torn to pieces. Besides, even if cameras and stuff had survived, what guarantee was there it was all looking at the maybe false Coil when he died? The only conclusion I can get to is that there must be some sort of plan or idea I can’t deduce yet.

That aside, if Coil was thought dead, it’d leave things go smoothly for a while. There was no reason to think the Undersiders or the Travelers had anything to do with this attack, so the heroes from everywhere else wouldn’t have a reason to come crush them. The teams should be fine.

What was deliberate, in how this had unfolded? He’d wanted to take out the mayor. But the candidates? Hadn’t they been his?

Oh, I don’t doubt they were his. Maybe Coil just didn’t have any more use for them, they may have been like a backup plan. What’s for sure is that I doubt they’ll want to work with him again, what with the freaking knives now stuck in their flesh.

I was looking at it the wrong way. Circus. She had been part of the plan from the beginning, and he’d hired her for an explicit reason. Her powers included her personal pocket dimension for storing items. I couldn’t think of how that might be used. She had minor pyrokinesis, but that didn’t apply here, either. She also had an enhanced sense of balance and enhanced coordination.

The balance wasn’t a major thing here. But the coordination? The way she’d been able to casually target Piggot as she tossed the throwing knives over one shoulder? If I had to guess, Circus’ knives had only killed the people Coil wanted dead. The others would have been hit in nonvital areas. Her enhanced hand-eye coordination would have given her the accuracy needed to ensure the knives hit where she wanted them to hit.

Well, he sure would need the knives to successfully hit the targets, so there’s that. I’d even think that was the only reason to take her along.

Über, then? Leet? What was the rationale for them?

Those two are baffling me, I admit. Neither of them seem like the kind of expert attackers I’d have thought Coil would prefer. Could there just have been no other option? I don’t know, maybe he could have recruited someone else in some other city. No, there must have been a reason to want those two around. I just can’t think what made it have to be them instead of anyone else.

Maybe he used his power and brought a different person, more effectively villainous, to help him and it went wrong, and that’s why they’re staying in this timeline where he recruited Uber and Leet.

Taylor just can’t figure out what the end goal is, and at this point I think it’s likely it won’t be revealed until it’s too late, just like it happened with the attack to the dinner gala that ended in Dinah’s kidnapping. Something else must be going on behind scenes.

Enough time has passed, Taylor’s stretcher is lifted so she’s carried out. Soon she’s at the hospital, where she’s placed in an arrangement similar to how it was like after Leviathan’s attack, just that this time she’s a civilian. Once she’s carefully checked to make sure she’ll be okay, someone enters the enclosure. It’s Lisa.

Dad Hebert is okay, thank goodness. He’s more worried for Taylor than for himself, bless him. I suppose it’ll be quite a while before anyone tells him Taylor’s state, if he hears Taylor may have gone blind he’ll blame himself so much, even if nothing at all was his fault.

Lisa sure is treating the blindness as if it’s something potentially permanent. I sure hope it isn’t! She’s even suggesting kidnapping or hiring someone to come heal her. Would Mr. Wildbow dare to make Taylor be permanently blind, especially on such a critical juncture as the few days when Dinah isn’t available for predictions and number crunching? I was thinking not, but the way Lisa is behaving is making me fear he will. I respect Taylor a lot, but I’m not sure she can defeat Coil if she’s blind.

Turns out Coil did set fires in the territories, none of them on the real lairs. I imagine those fires were just to make sure nobody can think he was lying when he said he had made fires to keep the Undersiders and Travelers busy and unable to meddle with him. The problem is that I’m sure the heroes already know Coil is bankrolling those two groups, so the distancing is pointless.

There’s the confirmation Coil is very alive right now. Not only he’s alive, he’s happy because everything is going like he had planned. This is the best time to ask him for favors, such as releasing Dinah. Hmmm...well, since he’s so close to seeing his plan completed, there’s a tiny chance he will? I’m still not convinced he will, even if he told Taylor he would. Even if he does it, I bet it’ll be after he gets one last consultation.

“So we just ask, and hope he’s feeling good enough to say yes?” Which means biting my tongue when it comes to the accusations, calling him on what he did at the debate.

Hmmm...I’m not sure everyone else would be on board on attacking Coil for what he did at the town hall, honestly. If they do, then it’d be because Coil torched a tiny part of the territories. I guess Taylor’s desire to avenge today’s tragedy will have to stay unresolved.

After some hesitation, Taylor decides to leave Dad Hebert behind. He’s going to be so disappointed when he wakes up. Even if he was told she’d be taken to Lisa’s father’s clinic – a lie, of course – I’m sure he’ll wish he could see Taylor and know she’ll be okay. Damn, their day together sure was awful. It barely lasted like one hour or so.

“Are we to blame for this?”

“No. Don’t set yourself on this path. We didn’t know, we couldn’t know, and we weren’t complicit in any way.”

Thank you, Lisa. Unlike many other times, Taylor nor any other of the Undersiders had anything to do with this. Blaming themselves for this would be senseless, and completely in-character for Taylor, unfortunately. As if she doesn’t have enough heavy things on her shoulders.

Lisa is trying to look at the silver linings, hah! She comments this is a good chance for Taylor to train herself not to rely on her eyes, and then she comments how with everything that has happened parking spots are easy to get. She must be trying to cheer Taylor up, make her feel a little better. It just is kind of callous in some way, but she’s trying.

So, the plan right now is to meet Coil. He has completely discarded his superpowered alter ego, now he’s sticking to his civilian identity. It must be one he can stay under the radar with, then.

I paused. I’d been thinking over the scenario, calculating Coil’s overarching goal. “Is he Keith Grove?”

Hah! No, absolutely not. I can’t imagine Coil sacrificing any part of himself for the sake of his plan. I really doubt he’s that guy, he wouldn’t arrange himself to get stabbed at all. Although...if he told Circus to make sure she doesn’t hit any vital parts...no, no way. He needs to stay healthy and uninjured. He can’t be Keith Grove, right?

I was right. Point for me!

Lisa has a recording that will reveal Coil’s civilian identity. When she turns it on, this recording turns out to be a news report about the tragedy at the town hall. I notice they mention it was a superhero-made piece of technology, I’d have thought they’d try to cover for the heroes’ role in the tragedy, even if it was an accident or sabotage.

When local heroes intervened, however, a device owned by local Wards member ‘Kid Win’ malfunctioned, ultimately exploding in the lobby of the building.

I pretty much feel Kid Win’s role in the story is be the Wards’ weakest link. He gets taken hostage, his stuff malfunctions, and now something he made is directly responsible for the deaths of a few people, even though it was Coil who made it malfunction. Kid Win’s hero career is so full of bumps. He could do better if the story didn’t insist on beating him down every time he appears, hah

First reports from the site report allegations of sabotage on the part of a known double agent within the group of junior heroes. No members of the Brockton Bay PRT, Protectorate or Wards teams were available for comment, but sources inside the organization report that Director Emily Piggot, manager of the city’s PRT and government sponsored hero teams, is being put on leave pending a full investigation.

Do they fear Piggot may have been complicit and let the mole stick around because she’s part of Coil’s group? She really is not having a good week at all. Being Director Piggot is suffering.

Since Piggot is currently not able to fulfill duties as a director, a replacement has been named: Thomas Calvert, a consultant that used to be an agent. It takes me a moment to realize this was the other man who survived the attack onto Nilbog’s city, the guy who shot his captain just so he could have better odds of surviving.

And turns out he’s Coil. And now he’s in charge of both the villains and the heroes.

Well doesn’t this look grim for everyone.

Good stopping point, here. I’ll continue next time!

Next time: in five updates

#worm #worm liveblog #webserial #liveblog #webserial liveblog

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heatherpayne · 5 years

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Heather Payne always knew that she approached romantic relationships differently than most of her peers, but she could easily rationalize it: her parent’s divorce gave her an example of how badly relationships could go, and she was always too focused on school work to have time for a relationship. It wasn’t until college that she truly started questioning her sexuality and why she had so few crushes. It was a long journey to realize that she was not only bisexual, but also fell on the asexual spectrum. However, Heather has had very few truly deep relationships.

Relationship: First boyfriend

Species: Human

Status: Alive

Heather never had a romantic or sexual relationship until college. Her crushes had been few and far between, and since they mostly were towards her friends, she was unsure how to interpret them and hesitant to act upon them. However, in college her grandmother’s and mother’s insistence on having children finally got to her, so she decided to “try out” a relationship.

One landed on her doorstep when her classmate Jason asked her out freshman year. She said yes to test the waters and see what a relationship was like. Jason was considered attractive by others and quite smart, so Heather was hopeful.

Their relationship wasn’t bad, but there wasn’t much substance to it. They would go out to eat, talk about something inconsequential, and then Jason would want to make out. Heather went along for awhile, hoping that a spark would come, but she found no fulfillment in the relationship and finally near the end of the year decided to break it off. Jason had noticed she was distant, so he didn’t take it too badly. Every time they saw each other on campus after that was just an awkward smile and wave.

Relationship: Ex-girlfriend, ex-best friend

Species: Kitsune

Status: Alive

Naomi was Heather’s freshman roommate. They were randomly assigned, but they hit it right off, quickly becoming close friends. Naomi was an English major and active in theater. They couldn’t be more different, yet they clicked so well. They would study together and just confide everything in each other--except Heather’s biggest secret, that she was a witch.

Heather’s crush on Naomi started sometime during freshman year. It built up slowly, and then hit her all at once that she was probably in love with her best friend. She didn’t act on it though until early junior year when Naomi came out to her as a lesbian. Heather figured that she was a lesbian too since this was working but she hadn’t felt attraction to Jason.

They had already spent basically all of their time together, but somehow they started spending even more. Heather was happier with Naomi than she had been in a long time, truly head-over-heels in love. She lost her virginity to Naomi and thought that maybe she would be the only one she ever slept with.

Then, a few weeks before graduation, Naomi told Heather her deepest secret, that she wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. She was a kitsune, a Japanese fox spirit and type of yokai. Heather knew what she should have said. “I’m a witch. I know about magic too!” Instead, she ran away. She ran away from Naomi like she had run away from her mother because she had been running from magic her whole life but this was supposed to be different. Her and Naomi were supposed to be normal.

Heather did her best to avoid Naomi those last few weeks, but they lived in the same suite. Naomi tried to act like things were normal and assure Heather that she was the same girl she had always known, this didn’t change who she was. Heather was very aware of that, yet she just couldn’t get the words out. After graduation, Naomi went off to a Master’s in Creative Writing at Brown University, while Heather headed to the west coast. All promises to keep in touch that had been made all year were broken by Heather.

Two years later when Heather was finally ready to reconcile with Naomi and admit her hypocrisy, she had already been blocked on Facebook and Naomi had changed her number.

----------------------

During the summer following graduation, Heather tried hard to find a rebound relationship or one night stand in the city where she was doing her internship. This was what they did in movies, so surely it could bring her some relief. She went home with a couple of girls from bars, but only once ever went all the way. She never felt true attraction in these short-term relationships, and finally after lots of time on the internet found what described how she was feeling: demisexual.

At the beginning of her PhD in Chemistry at UCLA, Heather threw herself into her research, deciding that she just wasn’t cut out for relationships. She made a few friends, but didn’t let anyone get as close as she had been with Naomi. It was a very lonely time in her life. Slowly, she opened up more to some people, but Naomi was always in the back of her mind as the one who was her soulmate in all of the ways that mattered.

Relationship: Ex-fiance

Species: Human

Status: Alive

Heather and Danny saw each other at the same diner for a few months before they started talking. Danny was another doctorate student at UCLA, but his program was in Earth, Planetary, and Space Sciences, working on a remote sensing project to measure fault movement. Still, they would both studiously work on their laptops at a Southern diner a few blocks from campus in adjacent booths. Finally, they ended up sharing a booth and information about their research. The two eventually started meeting up elsewhere to talk about much more than science and just enjoy each other’s company.

About a year after they met, they officially moved their relationship from friendship to dating, though it had been naturally trending that way. Their relationship soon turned sexual, and Heather had to reassess her sexuality, realizing she was bisexual but the demisexuality and heteronormativity had made it very hard to pin down.

She looked into Danny’s family history and dropped hints about the supernatural, worried about being caught off guard again. She decided that she wouldn’t mess this one up if that was the case, though.

Two and a half years later, Danny proposed to Heather. It wasn’t any fancy or dramatic affair, but it was instead personal, which Heather appreciated.

Heather said yes. Their union just made sense. They were both approaching 30 and didn’t have time to date around. Heather was content with Danny, though there was not the same spark she had had with Naomi. The pair worked well together and enjoyed many of the same pastimes. They were both so career focused that they would support each other in their professional endeavors and be okay when the other went away for research and conferences.

When Heather received the fateful call about her mother, Danny was supportive about her leaving to spend time with her family. It was stressful on their relationship when a few weeks turned into six months away. After another attack claimed the lives of Heather’s aunt and coven, she looked ahead at a mission that Danny could have no part of. She told him that she would be just a bit longer, but after two months of no progress, she realized that she could be in for the long haul. This mission could even put him in the line of fire. Heather called Danny and told him that she was working on some personal stuff and didn’t know how long it would take but couldn’t ask him to wait any longer. He was so tired at this point that he didn’t protest much.

Heather has barely spoken to him since. She knows that he his alive and well, starting a faculty position at the University of Arizona. She doesn’t know if he has moved on and is scared to ask.

#edgewoodchallenge #~bio #heather payne

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taeguboi · 7 years

Text

badboy!BTS Headcanons

Request: ‘idk what this thought is but i think you might be able to do somethin with it and i thought of you when you reblogged some stuff tonight: what would bts be like if they weren't in bts and were bad boys? i was just thinking about what they might have done but then i also thought about how good jin would look in a leather jacket and fucking up people's heads like he's a bastard but he's handsomr so it's okay kekeke’

Notes at the end

Rap Monster: bad boy for justice

An afterschool bad boy

keeps to himself at school / work

but as soon as he leaves that building, it’s different:

fag in mouth, shirt loosened up for comfort

and he’s eyeing up any attractive girl that passes by

A gentleman to the ladies

Will drop kick the jerks that break their hearts

Has a surprisingly high set of morals

it just gets overlooked because of his bad boy aura and here’s why

Had his fair share of arrests

but to be fair to him, it’s mostly for a good cause

like he was the one that got provoked in a fight

or that thing he stole was actually something he was getting back for someone

Basically won’t hate you if you’re cool with him though

“Hey, if anyone’s troubling you, don’t hesitate to call me, yeah?”

Brings back a lot of girls to his shared house

everyone thinks he’s a player

“ey up ‘Joon; who’s she this week?”

but it just genuinely doesn’t work out each time

they get put off by his tendency to fight

Until he meets this one girl

she’s feisty and is just as verbal as he is passionate for justice / karma

They’re couple goals

and he proposes to her in a bar

but it’s their bar, it’s where they met and send like half their time together, so it’s romantic

She loves everything about him and rightly so

his passion, even if it may appear as unnecessary anger

his hard working demeanour despite his ‘common’ background

Yeah, he’s a bad boy, possibly only by appearance,

but he’s gonna build himself a good life

Jin: the classic rocker

Let’s begin with that leather jacket

It’s genuine vintage leather

he lets girls wear it in the cold on a night out

and it’s like so heavy but cosy?

Rocker

been to all the concerts

You invite him out to see some unknown local band for their first gig

but somehow he’s already seen them and knows their full set

but he’s also seen the legends in arenas

Can’t forget the festivals

can’t forget the free love and ‘happiness’

Owns all the pubs and clubs by social status

enters the room and it goes silent for a moment

who will say ‘hi’ to him first?

It’s tricky because he’s so fucking magnificent and overpowering

So how did he get to this status?

He knows how to talk

no one makes a fool of him

will put up with 0% of anyone’s shit

gives no fucks when it comes to conversation

Will fuck with your head if you cross him

knows how to wrap people around his little finger

and then can drop them just like that

Sometimes he’ll be extremely witty

but nowadays he can say the pettiest thing and it has the same effect

Pretty much everyone is in his debt somehow

“You need [x thing] doing? Yeah, I know a guy that can sort you out”

So social

but doesn’t even own a phone

he just goes out every night

Has his local bar

his regular clubs

in which he pulls every night

[in each club]

Very sensual

You’re one lucky girl if:

he takes you outside of the club to just talk to you

“You’ve been having a pretty good time in there, huh?”

“I bet you could have an even better time out here with me”

Will fuck anywhere, no matter who might see

and he’s never been arrested for it

because he has his way with words

he can even bribe the police, and nothing

Becomes a bit of a biker

almost forms / joins a gang

but is way too independent to stick to it

Kind of a loner bad boy

Suga: underground rapper

Underground rapper with all the swagger

He does it all

Booze

Cigarettes

at least the occasional sesh

Will fuck many people, boys and girls

and he can do it every night because groupies

but is secretly a sucker for pretty boys

But he knows his bad boy nature can get him what he wants

Bar fights

Gets hecklers at his gigs but he puts them in their place

will jump off the stage to fight you

His regular venue only own 2 beer glasses now

Could have the most supportive audience but will drive away into the night raising a middle finger

Can rock out any look

still looks hardcore that one time he performs in a dress

Barely dies his hair

Tries blonde once but does back to black

because the roots come through in like 2 weeks

and then he refers to that fortnight as ‘that time I almost sold out’

Acts as if he’s the most tortured soul

so you think you have some sort of connection

but fucks you and leaves you lmao

Has a ped

rides around randomly at night

drops off wherever he thinks he’ll get a good story from

write bad ass raps about his experiences

Gets wound up in quite some violent situations

it’s concerning how often he’s been at knifepoint

jumps on random cars

or hot wires then to dump in a lake

because why not

Agust D might never become a national household name

but it’s certainly a name known by everyone in town

J-Hope: wandering skater boy

Sporty bad boy

Footie with his lads

Skateboarding home

flying across busy roads

almost knocking over pedestrians

He’s been stopped by the police for it

but they escort him home and are shook

because his mum is a bad ass, probably worse

Doesn’t smoke

but beer is life

Drunken antics every night

Will do whatever to win a girl over

*leaves her name in massive letters outside her bedroom window*

“Holy shit Hoseok, how did you...”

*police siren*

*gets arrested for pulling down letters of shop signs*

Goes to shops and purchases wrappers

because he’s already eating the food before he’s payed

Graffiti artist

lives for that adrenaline rush

can outrun the cops every single time

because he can jump over everything, get through everything, etc

and can run for hours

Bit of a wanderer

by day, he’s out with his lads

by night, he roams free

He doesn’t need wingmen or clubs to pull

no; he has what it takes

to just approach that lonely girl sat on a bench contemplating life

and no matter how many times his parents insist he bring no one home

there’s always a way to sneak into his room

Sometimes he just roams for days

doesn’t tell anyone

comes back in 3 days with some badass tattoo and some mystery souvenirs

[souvenirs that he smokes in a day lmao]

[low key stoner hahahaha]

Jimin: ladies man aka the biggest flirt

His shirt is on/off like 50/50

Tastefully placed tattoos

that don’t hide too much of his body

simple writing down either side of his abs

[think 2014 mama awards I think]

and a tattoo on his butt that was done for the lols

but it’s a story, like

“I have the illuminati on my butt”

Tongue piercings

which you get to see when he’s flirting

he’ll stick it out sometimes when begin suggestive

House parties always

Like does he even have parents around?

Works every day so he can pay for both bills and booze

He does up cars or something

You can show up and he’s not even at his own house yet 100 other people are

But when he is there to host his own house party, well...

all the bedrooms are occupied

and it’s because he’s got a girl waiting for him in each room

what an exciting game, to see how many he can fuck

before one of them finds out they aren’t the only one

holy shit Jimin there’s 5 bedrooms here how do you even--

*slap!*

that was the sound of a girl’s discovery

he’s used to it though

I think his face has built up a tolerance for the slaps because they happen that often

so he’ll basically grab whoever’s booty he wants

Those beautiful plump lips

they weren’t just made for kissing and eating out though

they were designed for cigarettes

the way the smoke puffs out of his mouth is beautiful

low key erotic somehow?

Oh and the lip biting he does

paired with some smooth flirting

You’ll hear all the rumours about bad boy Jimin

and how you shouldn’t go near him

but you can’t help but give in to him and your curiosity

Honestly, it’s worth it; boy fucks damn well

Girls girls girls

He was that lad in school that the teachers hated

for distracting the female students and making them swoon

Has always been shameless

Like in younger school years it was winking

and outrageous confidence

but then in later high school years

you find him touching you under the table

but was still a prat

always in the head master’s office

or isolation

or suspended

But he still managed to stay in the same school

even after hitting on a teacher

Turns up to prom in his usual leather jacket and jeans

actually, he just turns up anywhere however and whenever he pleases

You just have to let it happen

he never causes any real harm

V: the punk activist

Gorgeous long hair

He’s had it in some bold colours

Fiery red becomes like his identity

the condition of his hair suggests a feminine nature but oh...

He’s anything but that!

His voice is extra gruff and deep

and he knows he can use it to his advantage

to get girls

and to threaten people

99% of the time gets what he wants

Spends a lot of money on piercings

he has all the ear piercings you can think of

snake bites lip piercings

an eyebrow piercing

he has other piercings that he don’t always make use of

and *ahem* some more intimate piercings

Has been known to turn you on

just by telling you about his ‘down there’ piercing

“wanna see?”

fuck me yes I do

and money on tattoos

almost everywhere

tattoos across his torso,

bad ass tattoo sleeves,

his back and up to his neck: still tattoos

and some of girl’s names to win them over

He doesn’t care how she doesn’t mean that much to him

as long as she’ll make a good story

Gets arrested at least once a month

Has some cheesy and heart-felt lines though beneath all that anger

Fucks so many girls but then realizes

he’s hella gay

“Damn, that’s a pretty boy”

Joyriding

but somehow he makes it romantic with another person

like he just parks he car in the middle of nowhere so you can enjoy the moonlight with him

So yeah, he’s poetic it turns out, but

Quite angry

like a Punk Oscar Wilde almost?

Vegan?

Can get political, very opinionated

Passionate for whatever cause he’s taken up this week

Graffiti to make statements

Forms a punk band to make statements

Smashes windows to make statements

but although he can get violent

he knows what he’s talking about and has solid views

Starts movements

Gets called a faggot once with his kinda serious boyfriend

suddenly he’s a huge activist in the lgbt community

Will get full on sexual in the middle of a shop

to prove a point to a stranger who scoffs at him kissing a dude

*grabs his partner’s dick and makes out with him*

it shuts them right up as he starts jacking off the other guy

right there and then

they’re chuckling into each other’s mouths

and oh, he ain’t afraid to finish the job

even if the stranger has long gone

He likes to make headlines in the local paper

no matter how odd or cringy it can get

his purpose is to have a voice

Jungkook: restless muscle pig

Almost bipolar with his personality

New girl in town? There’s a Jungkook for that

Does extra jobs for extra cash

Some jobs are legit overtime work...

...some not so legit

But it gets him by so he can be a new person for each individual

Never fails to hit the gym daily

He’s never not in a vest since he reached his late teens

starts pointless fights

because of this pent up anger

and need for attention on his efforts on his body

but then gets a serious caution from the cops

that if it happens again, he could be looking at more than over night behind bars

so he takes up mma fighting or something

suddenly it’s a semi-professional career

girls love him

but he doesn’t care

He’s still only down for nothing more than sex when it suits him

Loves his hard reputation

It gives him a personality to go by

No one really knows his past

but I think this lack of emotion is something to do with his childhood

as is the anger and need to work out

it was probably just something to do

Cocky

Eventually decides to take some exams and get the qualifications he didn’t bother with as a kid

acts like he owns the college

and actually, he kinda does because of the arrogant mindset

like because he thinks ‘I’m the best’, it is so

the guys don’t fuck with him

he winks at all the girls

and kinda misbehaves with them

“Hey [girl], if I get this piece of paper in the bin in one shot all the way from over here, you can give me your number”

*actually gets the shot and is secretly shook but acts like it was nothing*

Turns out he’s hella intelligent

and understands every little thing instantly

but that doesn’t stop him leaving college

to return to his normal life each evening

or sitting in the back of classes with his feet on the table

and food on his desk

So he’s still a little untamed and out of control

He still causes the odd street fight

almost loses his licence to fight in a ring

and he still trashes places

and he still has no definite personality

But then this one girl at his college

she puts him in his fucking place

He gets paired with her for a project and he’s like

“So, I talk, you type?”

and she is like

“Hell no”

Oh look, he realizes he’s whipped for a girl

because she ain’t afraid to backchat him

Muscle pig but with some weaknesses

Not sure if this has turned out too similar to my Fuckboi!BTS Headcanons but fuck it, there we go! I went by anon’s little thing about Jin as a basis for his hc and they’re not entirely based on what I think the boys would actually be like without BTS... Also for some reason, I feel different sexualities from them with these personalities so please don’t be offended...

...and I’m not even sure they were all entirely bad boy things [esp the gifs they’re just all so soft hahaha] but it’s getting late and this took way longer to think about than expected [oml punk activist Tae with all the tatts and piercings is making my heart flutter so much even though it’s my own creation?]

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centerofstupidity · 6 years

Text

Fifty Shades of Grey Chapter 3 Snark

If you enjoy the content you are reading, please like and follow the Center of Stupidity blog.

Interested in reading the previous Fifty Shades of Grey chapter snarks? They can be found here.

Next E.L. James Book Snark: Fifty Shades Darker (Fifty Shades of Grey # 2).

Chapter Summary: Christian Cullen saves Ana from being run over by a van bicycle. And Ana is convinced that he is hiding a big secret.

Kate is ecstatic.

And Ana is like:

“But what was he doing at Clayton’s?” Her curiosity oozes through the phone.

Kate asks a simple question.

But Ana is acting like Kate is being a nosy bitch.

You know what, Ana? FUCK YOU!

Ana complains that she is in the "depths of the stockroom". She tells Kate that Christian was just in the area.

“I think that is one huge coincidence, Ana. You don’t think he was there to see you?”

Kate has a point. Christian randomly showing up would be a huge coincidence.

Supposedly, Christian is a very busy man and his time is precious.

You know what? I like Kate.

She's got a brain and isn't a cold-hearted bitch.

But since this is Sue fiction, a character like Kate will become the Designated Evil Slutty Bitch (or D.E.S.B.) or a sycophant.

My heart lurches at the prospect, but it’s a short-lived joy. The dull, disappointing reality is that he was here on business.

For a guy that is supposedly here only on business, Christian has:

Driven three hours away just so he can see her.

During the entire time spent with Ana, he gave her his undivided attention.

Acted like a jealous lover when Ana's male friend arrived.

Gave Ana his cell-phone number. And he usually doesn't give people his number.

Agreed to do a photo shoot even though he doesn't have to.

And presumably, during the photo shoot, he will talk to Ana.

“He was visiting the farming division of WSU. He’s funding some research,” I mutter. “Oh yes. He’s given the department a $2.5 million grant.” Wow. “How do you know this?” “Ana, I’m a journalist, and I’ve written a profile on the guy. It’s my job to know this.” “Okay, Carla Bernstein, keep your hair on. So do you want these photos?” “Of course I do. The question is, who’s going to do them and where.” “We could ask him where. He says he’s staying in the area.”

'Ello Talking Heads Syndrome!

Let's do another writing exercise, shall we?

Let’s see if we can take this dialogue-heavy scene and get rid of these talking heads.

I'll go first.

“He was visiting the farming division of WSU. He’s funding some research,” I mutter.

“Oh yes. He’s given the department a $2.5 million grant.”

Wow. “How do you know this?” I asked and then grabbed some boxes.

“Ana, I’m a journalist, and I’ve written a profile on the guy. It’s my job to know this.”

“Okay, Carla Bernstein, keep your hair on. So do you want these photos?” I opened the boxes with a box cutter.

“Of course I do. The question is, who’s going to do them and where.”

The tapping of fingers against a keyboard filled the silence.

“We could ask him where. He says he’s staying in the area.” I replied, grabbing each of the items and placing them on the shelves.

In the distance, the shop bell ringed.

Kate asks Ana if she can contact him. Ana replies that she has Christian's cell phone number.

Kate is then shocked because Christian isn't the sort of person that would give anyone his cell phone number along with being "elusive" and "enigmatic."

She assures Ana that Christian likes her and there is "no doubt about it."

But Ana is convinced that Kate is lying to her.

“Kate, he’s just trying to be nice.” But even as I say the words, I know they’re not true—Christian Grey doesn’t do nice.

"Even though I know that he is a total douche, I still want to fuck him and be his slave. Aren't I a strong female character?"

He does polite, maybe.

Well, duh. If a serial killer acted boorish, their victim wouldn't be lured to a trap.

And because Ana Steele has the I.Q. of Bella Swan, she thinks that Christian "might like me."

I hug myself with quiet glee, rocking from side to side, entertaining the possibility that he might like me.

You know what's terrifying?

The fact that Ana and Christian will have children. And those children will most likely be as psychologically disturbed as mommy and daddy.

Before we can be subjected to Ana blithering on about how Christian is so dreamy, Kate speaks.

Kate doesn't know who can do the photo shoot as the regular photographer can't because he is in Idaho Falls for the weekend.

She then says that Levi (a.k.a the regular photographer) will be pissed that he missed such a great opportunity.

Ana suggests that José could do it.

“Great idea! You ask him—he’ll do anything for you. Then call Grey and find out where he wants us.” Kate is irritatingly cavalier about José.

I seriously hope that there won't be an Ana/Christian/José love triangle.

I haven't slogged through New Moon and Eclipse yet.

And I don't want to have to read another story with angst and melodrama.

Also, Ana is the kind of woman that won't touch a guy with a fifty-foot barge pole but treats him like a piece of property.

And she will try to control his life and manipulate him to get what she wants.

In conclusion, Ana Steele is a vile person.

Ana wants Kate to call Christian. But Kate replies "Ana, you’re the one with the relationship.”

And Kate has a point.

I don't think Christian would take kindly to Ana giving his private phone number to a person that he doesn't know.

“Relationship?” I squeak at her, my voice rising several octaves. “I barely know the guy.”

For a guy that she “barely" knows, Ana only knows:

The name of Christian's company.

Christian is a major benefactor for the college.

Christian is an exceptional entrepreneur.

Christian never wants to be married and have children.

Christian's personal cell phone number.

Christian is a busy man so his time is precious.

“At least you’ve met him,” she says bitterly.

We get it, E.L. James.

You want us to think that Kate is a nasty bitch and a slut who should be thrown to a pack of wild dogs.

And it blows my mind that some people think Fifty Shades is feminist...

Kate gets annoyed with Ana and tells her to make the damn phone call. After Kate hangs up, Ana gets all bitchy.

She is so bossy sometimes.

Like a mature person, Ana Swan sticks her tongue at the cell phone. She is just leaving José a message when Paul shows up.

He tells her that the store is busy. Ana mutters an apology and gets ready to leave.

Since Paul is a massive Christian fanboy, he wants to know how Ana is acquainted with Christian.

Ana tells him that she "had" to interview Christian for the student newspaper because Kate wasn't feeling well.

Ana tries to sound casual but she's doing "no better than him."

Paul is so amazed that Christian was in the store that he has to clear his mind by shaking his head. He then asks Ana on a date.

Apparently, whenever Paul is around, he asks her on a date. And she always says no.

I’ve never considered it a good idea to date the boss’s brother, and besides, Paul is cute in a wholesome all-American boy-next-door kind of way,

Translation: Since Paul isn't a psychopathic asshole like Christian Grey, he is unworthy to date Ana Steele.

but he’s no literary hero, not by any stretch of the imagination.

"And my literary heroes are Heathcliff and Alec d'Urberville."

Is Grey? my subconscious asks me, her eyebrow figuratively raised.

E.L. James Ana Steele thinks so.

Ana "slap[s]" her subconscious "down". She then asks if Paul has a family dinner to go. Paul says that's "tomorrow."

“Maybe some other time, Paul. I need to study tonight. I have my finals next week.”

Ana could just tell Paul that she isn't sexually attracted to Paul and only sees him as a friend.

But that wouldn't be Bella Swan's Ana Steele's style.

I wouldn't be surprised if her style is stringing guys along.

“Ana, one of these days you’ll say yes.” He smiles as I escape to the store floor.

Oh, this is interesting.

Paul Clayton was Mike Newton in Master of the Universe.

It explains why Paul is so smitten with Ana even though she is charming as a cockroach.

“BUT I DO PLACES, Ana, not people,” José groans.

Just like how a person can't smile, giggle, or sigh words, the same can be said for groaning words.

Ana begs with José and is pacing back and forth. Kate tells Ana to give her the cell phone.

“Listen here, José Rodriguez, if you want our newspaper to cover the opening of your show, you’ll do this shoot for us tomorrow, capiche?”

"Or you'll be sleeping with the fishes."

José agrees because he doesn't want to piss off the Godfather.

Kate tells him that Ana will call back with the necessary information before hanging up the cell phone.

Kate hands Ana the cell phone. She orders Ana to call Grey. Ana scowls at Kate before calling Christian.

I don’t recognize my own voice, I’m so nervous.

Christian calls Ana "Miss Steele" and says that it is nice to hear her voice.

His voice has changed. He’s surprised, I think, and he sounds so … warm—seductive even.

You know what?

Fifty Shades is as erotic as a hangnail.

My breath hitches,

You used the wrong word, E.L. James.

According to Merriam Webster, hitch is to move something with a jerk or a tug.

Unless Ana's breath has the ability to tow something...

I think E.L. James was trying to say that Ana gasped or forgot how to breathe.

But as Mark Twain wisely said, "Say what he is proposing to say, not merely come near it."

Ana blushes. She realizes that Kate is opened mouthed and is staring at her.

I dart into the kitchen to avoid her unwanted scrutiny.

Ana tells Christian that they want to go ahead with the photo shoot.

Breathe, Ana, breathe. My lungs drag in a hasty breath.

It's delightful to see a strong and smart female protagonist who needs to remind herself do something necessary to live.

Ana asks Christian if they can do it tomorrow and would it be convenient for him.

I can almost hear his sphinxlike smile through the phone.

You can't hear a smile.

But you can hear the joy in someone's voice.

And according to Merriam Webster, a sphinx is either a mythological creature or it can be used to describe an enigmatic person.

Christian tells Ana to meet him at the Heathman in Portland at 9:30 AM. She tells him that they will be there.

I am all gushing and breathy—like a child, not a grown woman who can vote and drink legally in the state of Washington.

It's really creepy that this book describes anything erotic or sexual as being like a child.

Christian says that he is looking forward to seeing Ana.

I visualize the wicked gleam in his eyes.

"I love it when a guy is filled with evil glee!"

How can he make seven little words hold so much tantalizing promise?

Because you are horny.

Ana hangs up the phone. Kate is now in the kitchen and is staring at Ana with a look of surprise.

“Anastasia Rose Steele. You like him! I’ve never seen or heard you so … so … affected by anyone before. You’re actually blushing.”

"It is almost as if we are in a Twilight fanfic where all the "good" characters are asexual except for their one tru luv."

“Oh, Kate, you know I blush all the time. It’s an occupational hazard with me. Don’t be ridiculous,” I snap.

"The author thinks that tripping over air molecules and blushing 24/7 are endearing character traits."

She blinks at me with surprise—I very rarely have hissy fits—

You throw a fit anytime somebody asks you a question or do something that you don't like.

I briefly relent. “I just find him … intimidating, that’s all.”

"And that is so sexy."

Kate isn't surprised that Christian wants to meet at the Heathman. She is going to call a manager and get a place for the shoot.

Ana is going to make "supper" and then study.

I cannot hide my irritation with her as I open one of the cupboards to make supper.

"The filthy peasant talked to me! The only time that a peasant is allowed to speak is if they are showering me with compliments and praise."

I AM RESTLESS THAT night, tossing and turning, dreaming of smoky gray eyes, coveralls, long legs, long fingers, and dark, dark unexplored places.

During the night, Ana wakes up twice. We get some descriptions about the Heathman hotel.

Since everyone can't fit into Ana's car, they are traveling in two cars.

José and Travis are traveling in Ana's car while Kate is driving her own car. Travis is José's friend and gopher.

Kate managed to get a room free of charge in exchange for the hotel getting credit in the article.

They get upgraded to a suite when the receptionist finds out that they are doing a photo shoot with Christian Grey.

Just a regular-sized suite, however, as apparently Mr. Grey is already occupying the largest one in the building.

The hotel just upgraded the room to a suite... But Ana is bitching and moaning because the suite is only "regular-sized."

#firstworldproblems

An over-keen marketing executive shows us up to the suite—he’s terribly young and very nervous for some reason.

Maybe he's nervous that a VIP is in the building and if anything goes wrong, it will reflect badly on the hotel.

I suspect Kate’s beauty and commanding manner disarm him, because he’s putty in her hands.

It MUST be that he is terrified of the beautiful and nasty bitch named Kate.

The rooms are elegant, understated, and opulently furnished.

You can't have it both ways.

Either a room is elegant and opulent.

Or it is simple and understated room.

It's nine o'clock and they have only thirty minutes to set everything up. Kate is in charge and she is delegating tasks.

She asks Ana to let Christian know where they are and make sure that housekeeping brings up the refreshments.

Yes, mistress.

E.L. James used the word "mistress".

And in the BDSM community, mistress is another word for a dominatrix.

She is so domineering. I roll my eyes but do as I’m told.

If Kate was a man Christian Grey, Ana would do everything that he says eagerly and won't be complaining.

And she would constantly say that Christian's domineering personality makes her horny.

Christian Grey walks into the suite.

Ana exclaims "holy crap." She tells us what he is wearing and how his "unruly hair" is wet.

My mouth goes dry looking at him … he’s so freaking hot.

I swear to God... This book is going to drive me batty.

A man with hazel eyes and a buzz hair cut enters the room. He then stands silently in the corner.

I bet this guy is Christian's bodyguard.

Christian greets Ana. Of course, Ana shakes his hand and blinks like a malfunctioning Furby.

As I touch his hand, I’m aware of that delicious current running right through me, lighting me up, making me blush, and I’m sure my erratic breathing must be audible.

We get it, E.L. James.

Mary Sue and Gary Stu are soulmates because they are obsessed with each other.

And they are always feeling electric sparks between them.

Ana introduces Christian Grey to Kate. Christian describes Kate as "tenacious" and looks "amused." He asks Kate if she is doing well.

Kate says that she is fine and firmly shakes his hand. She also makes eye contact. Ana gives the reader information about Kate.

It turns out that Kate comes from a wealthy family and went to "the best" private schools in the state.

Ana concludes because Kate's family socioeconomic status, it is why Kate is "confident" and is "sure of her place in the world."

She doesn’t take any crap.

"But she puts up with all of my shit. She even asks for second helpings."

I am in awe of her.

If you REALLY liked Kate, then you wouldn't be treating her like shit 24/7.

And you won't act like Kate is a harpy every time she is assertive or has an opinion.

Kate thanks Christian for doing the photo shoot and Christian replies that “It’s a pleasure.”

When Christian looks at her, Ana blushes for the billionth time.

“This is José Rodriguez, our photographer,” I say, grinning at José, who smiles with affection back at me.

It's confirmed: Ana is stringing poor José along.

She knows that José is smiling "with affection" after she grinned at him.

And you can't tell me that Ana thinks that José's affectionate smile is only PLATONIC.

José's eyes "cool" when he sees Christian. They get acquainted. But like last time, Christian acts territorial and "appraises" José.

Christian asks José “Where would you like me?"

In my headcanon, José would say "Tied to the back of my fucking truck while I drive through a cactus field."

His tone sounds vaguely threatening.

But Katherine is not about to let José run the show.

It MUST be José's fault.

It couldn't possibly be the rich and powerful douchebag who is trying to start a fight.

Kate defuses the situation by directing Christian to sit on a chair that is against the wall. She also tells him to mind the lighting cables.

Travis switches on the lights and apologizes to Christian when the lights blind him for a few seconds. I'd like to think that was intentional.

José starts taking the photographs and this prompts Ana to ogle Christian.

My wish has come true: I can stand and admire Grey from not so afar.

Everyone knows that Ana really wants Christian to bang her like a screen door in a hurricane.

Twice our eyes lock, and I have to tear myself away from his cloudy gaze.

I think E.L. James thought "cloudy eyes" makes Christian's eyes sound sexy.

But "cloudy eyes" sounds like he has cataracts.

Kate tells Christian to stand. And five minutes later, the photo shoot is finished.

She thanks Christian again for doing the photo shoot. Both Kate and José shake Christian's hand.

Christian claims that he will be "looking forward to reading the article." He then asks Ana to walk with him.

Ana agrees. She notices that Kate could care less while José is "scowling."

Christian says goodbye and then opens the door for Ana.

Holy hell … what’s this about? What does he want?

Isn't it obvious?

Christian wants you to be his sex slave.

Ana is waiting in the hotel corridor and she is "fidgeting." Christian leaves the room followed by the guy with the buzz cut.

It turns out that "Buzz Cut" has a name. It's Taylor. Christian promises to call Taylor later.

Grey turns his burning gray gaze to me. Crap … have I done something wrong?

Shut up, you dumb cow.

If you think that he is angry....

Angry enough that he will try and harm you...

Then why in the hell are you following him down a hallway and into an elevator?

Christian asks Ana if she would have coffee with him.

My heart slams into my mouth.

Unfortunately for the reader, the heart doesn't fall out of Ana's mouth and land on the floor.

Instead, the bitch is still alive.

A date?

No, he's asking that you'll play jump rope with him.

He’s asking if you want a coffee. Maybe he thinks you haven’t woken up yet, my subconscious whines at me in a sneering mood again.

Because rich men LOVE going on a coffee date with someone that they can't stand.

So Ana clears her throat and tells Christian no. Ana explains that she has to drive everyone home. Even though that isn't exactly true.

She just has to drive José and Travis home.

Kate is driving herself home and all of the equipment will be put in her vehicle.

Christian beckons Taylor. He says that Taylor can drive everyone home and take the equipment.

“There. Now can you join me for coffee?” Grey smiles as if it’s a done deal.

Fuck you, Christian.

Just because you are richer than God...

It doesn't give you the right to try and dictate people's lives.

Ana frowns. She is nervous and says that "Taylor doesn’t have to drive them home.”

Ana looks at her Taylor who is "stoically impassive."

And because Ana is spineless, she suddenly decides that she will go on a coffee date with Christian.

Grey smiles a dazzling, unguarded, natural, all-teeth-showing, glorious smile.

Christian just acted like a pushy asshole...

But E.L. James wants us to swoon over Christian's perfect smile.

Ana thinks "Oh my" when Christian opens the suite door. She enters the room and sees Kate talking to José.

Kate says that it is obvious that Christian likes Ana. Of course, José is pissy and glares at Ana "with disapproval."

But Kate quickly adds that she doesn't trust him.

I raise my hand up in the hope that she’ll stop talking. By some miracle, she does.

Ana asks Kate if she can take her car. Kate asks why.

Ana replies that she is going on a coffee date with Christian. Kate's mouth drops open to which Ana "savor[s] the moment."

She grabs me by my arm and drags me into the bedroom that’s off the living area of the suite.

Kate tells Ana even though Christian is "gorgeous", she adds that "he's dangerous. Especially for someone like you."

Ana demands to know what "someone like me" means.

Kate is concerned that Christian will take advantage of Ana because she is a virgin.

Ana blushes and disregards her friend's concerns.

Because after all, a pushy and manipulative psychopath WOULD NEVER take advantage of a naive person. Especially if said person was a virgin.

Ana insists that they are only going on a coffee date and it won't last long because she needs to study for her exams.

Kate reluctantly gives Ana her car keys and says "Don’t be long, or I’ll send out search and rescue.”

In a well-written story, Ana would go on a date with Christian and suddenly disappear.

Ana would be trapped in Christian's pit in the basement or her corpse be found in a landfill.

But this is a shitty romance novel masquerading as a tru luv story so Kate is being a worrywart.

Ana leaves the room and sees Christian leaning against the wall.

She blushes for the billionth time and swoons over Christian's hotness, saying that he looks like "a male model."

I make my way down the corridor, my knees shaky, my stomach full of butterflies, and my heart in my mouth thumping a dramatic, uneven beat.

Thank you E.L. James for giving us descriptions that read like a shopping list.

I am going to have coffee with Christian Grey … and I hate coffee.

Here's a brilliant idea...

Tell him that you don't like coffee.

Even suggest that they go somewhere else like a froyo cafe?

So Christian and Ana are walking down the hotel corridor. Ana is nervous and doesn't know what she is going to say to him.

What on Earth do I have in common with him?

Well, both of you are self-absorbed assholes who use people to get what they want.

So I'd say the two of you are matches made in heaven hell.

Christian asks Ana how long she has known Kate. She replies since "our freshman year" and she is a "good friend."

“Hmm,” he replies noncommittally. What is he thinking?

Christian is thinking about the ways he can kill Kate if she interferes with his plans.

He presses the elevator button and the doors slide open. A young couple were making out and they are embarrassed.

Christian and Ana step inside the elevator.

I am struggling to maintain a straight face, so I gaze down at the floor, feeling my cheeks turning pink.

When I peek up at Grey through my lashes, he has a hint of a smile on his lips, but it’s very hard to tell.

So Christian is not only a psychopathic douchebag that is probably homophobic...

Now he is a voyeur.

Good to know.

Ana remarks that the young couple "says nothing."

She complains that there isn't any elevator music to "distract" everyone from the "embarrassed silence."

The doors open and, much to my surprise, Grey takes my hand, clasping it with his long, cool fingers. I feel the current run through me, and my already rapid heartbeat accelerates.

For a novel that it is supposed to be so sexy and edgy...

It is cheesy and sappy like a bad romance novel.

As he leads me out of the elevator, we can hear the suppressed giggles of the couple erupting behind us. Grey grins.

What's so funny about a guy holding a girl's hand?

We cross the expansive, bustling lobby of the hotel toward the entrance, but Grey avoids the revolving door, and I wonder if that’s because he’d have to let go of my hand.

I'll let this gif speak for itself:

Because if this story isn't filled with clusterfuckery or depicting lust and obsession as tru luv, it is fucking tedious.

I attempt to smother the ridiculous grin that threatens to split my face in two.

I seriously hope that Ana's face does split in two so it can spare me from reading anymore of this literary abomination.

Try to be cool, Ana, my subconscious implores me.

Ana, you are the antonym of cool.

After walking four blocks, they finally arrive at the coffee house. Christian holds the door open for Ana.

Christian asks Ana what she will have to drink. Ana wants tea and tells him how she likes her tea.

“Okay, bag out tea. Sugar?” For a moment, I’m stunned, thinking it’s an endearment,

Considering how this story can be so cheesy and sappy, I wouldn't be surprised.

but fortunately my subconscious kicks in with pursed lips. No, stupid—do you take sugar?

Maybe you should take sugar.

It might make you less of a bitter bitch.

Ana doesn't want any sugar with her tea and she doesn't want anything to eat. She sits a table while he gets the drinks.

I surreptitiously gaze at him from beneath my lashes as he stands in line waiting to be served.

Like other terrible writers, E.L. James loves raping the thesaurus.

I could watch him all day … he’s tall, broad shouldered, and slim, and the way those pants hang from his hips … Oh my.

Once or twice he runs his long, graceful fingers through his now dry but still disorderly hair.

Because nothing says influential businessman like unbrushed hair.

Ana wants to run her hands through his hair.

The thought comes unbidden into my mind, and my face flames.

"The thought is simply rude! It arrived into my mind uninvited!"

And in regards to Ana's face flaming...

I bite my lip and stare down at my hands again, not liking where my wayward thoughts are headed.

Ana Steele acting like a maiden in a Victorian melodrama...

Which doesn't make any sense.

She wasn't raised in a super religious family where having sexual desires is sinful.

And the "wayward thoughts" comment sounds awfully familiar...

I bite my lip and stare down at my hands again, not liking where my wayward thoughts are going.

- Chapter 6 of Master of the Universe by Snowqueens Icedragon

But before Ana can start masturbating in public, Christian returns. She is startled and blushes for the billionth time.

He hands her a cup and a saucer along with a small teapot.

A side plate bearing a lone teabag labeled TWININGS ENGLISH BREAKFAST—my favorite.

I love the subtle product placement.

I could be wrong...

But I have the sneaking suspicion that E.L. James only mentioned Twinings because that's the kind of tea that she drinks.

We get riveting information like Christian bought himself a blueberry muffin and how Ana describes herself as being "gawky" and clumsy.

Christian asks her something and she says how Twinings is her favorite tea.

He frowns. He knows I’m hiding something.

This was once a Twilight fanfic and Christian Grey is Edward Cullen.

Which means Edward and Bella Christian and Ana are going to talk.

Christian will assure Ana Swan that she isn't an open book...

And Christian will agree with everything that Ana says because he wants to sleep with her.

I pop the teabag into the teapot and almost immediately fish it out again with my teaspoon.

Each type of tea takes a different length of time to steep.

If you steep tea too long, it becomes bitter.

But if you don't steep the tea long enough, it is bland.

For black tea, the recommended steeping time is 3-5 minutes.

So Ana is drinking tea that tastes like dishwater.

Christian gives her a funny look. Ana claims that she likes her tea "black and weak."

Christian then asks if José is her boyfriend.

I laugh, nervous but curious. What gave him that impression?

Don't play dumb, Ana.

José gave you an affectionate smile and you returned the smile.

If someone saw that exchange, they would assume that you and José are dating.

Ana says no and claims that José is just a "good friend, that's all." She asks why he thought José was her boyfriend.

He replies that it is how they smiled at each other.

His gaze holds mine. He’s so unnerving. I want to look away but I’m caught—spellbound.

We get it, E.L. James.

Both Ana and Christian love each other and they are soulmates.

Stop telling us every five seconds.

“He’s more like family,” I whisper.

And people like Cassandra Clare are swooning right now because they think incest and pseudo-incest is hawt.

Christian is satisfied with her answer and Ana is fascinated by him eating a muffin.

He asks Ana if she wants some and has a "amused, secret smile." She declines Christian's offer and creepily stares at his hands.

Christian then asks if Paul is her boyfriend. She says "[he's] just a friend."

Oh, this is getting silly.

Maybe if you weren't leading men on, you wouldn't be in this predicament.

Christian remarks that she is nervous around men.

Holy crap, that’s personal. I’m just nervous around you, Grey.

You are just horny.

“I find you intimidating.” I flush scarlet, but mentally pat myself on the back for my candor,

A woman speaking her mind is simply scandalous!

Because Twilight has taught me that women should not speak until spoken to.

If a woman speaks her mind, then she is a bitch or a slut.

Fuck this book with a rusty screwdriver!

“You should find me intimidating.” He nods.

Ana should be RUNNING to the nearest exit.

Because psychologically healthy and normal people don't want others to be scared of them.

But a PSYCHOPATH would.

Yet E.L. James wants us to think that Christian Grey is studmuffin and husband material.

Christian says that Ana is "very honest" and wants her to stop looking down.

She makes eye contact and he gives "an encouraging but wry smile."

“It gives me some sort of clue what you might be thinking,” he breathes. “You’re a mystery, Miss Steele.”

"If I said that you were open book, then our creator would be sued."

Mysterious? Me?

Nope!

The apt description would be this:

Ana replies that she isn't mysterious but Christian assures her that she is enigmatic.

“Except when you blush, of course, which is often. I just wish I knew what you were blushing about.”

It is so blatantly obvious that she is blushing about Christian.

Ana blushes ever time that she is around him or fantasizes about Christian Grey porking her.

In conclusion?

Christian Grey is a liar, liar, pants on fire.

Christian eats more of his muffin and stares at her.

And as if on cue, I blush.

E.L. James, pointing it out doesn't make Ana's constant blushing less annoying.

Ana asks if he always makes "personal observations?" He then asks if he has "offended" her.

She says "no" but then adds “But you’re very high-handed.”

Christian raises his eyebrows but Ana is convinced that he also blushed.

“I’m used to getting my own way, Anastasia,” he murmurs. “In all things.”

"And if I don't, then I act like a controlling and manipulative asshole."

Ana asks Christian why he is so formal with her. She is surprised by her "audacity" and wonders why the conversation became "serious."

I can’t believe I’m feeling so antagonistic toward him. It’s like he’s trying to warn me off.

It's because you are Bella Swan and this conversation is similar to one found in Twilight.

Christian explains that only his family members and his close friends call him by his first name. He adds that it is "the way I like it."

He is a control freak, there’s no other explanation

And part of me is thinking maybe it would have been better if Kate had interviewed him.

Two control freaks together.

Plus, of course, she’s almost blond—well, strawberry blond—like all the women in his office.

"Which means that she is an evil bitch and slut! Because that is feminism!"

Ana's subconscious "reminds" her that Kate is beautiful.

I don’t like the idea of Christian and Kate.

"And if Kate sleeps with Christian, I'll hurt her."

Ana drinks some of her tea and Christian eats a piece of his muffin.

He suddenly asks if Ana has any siblings. She replies that she is an only child.

Christian then wants to know about her parents.

Why does he want to know this? It’s so dull.

Because an abuser tries to isolate their victim by cutting them off from family and friends.

Ana tells Christian about her mother getting remarried and how her father died when she was a baby.

“You’re not giving much away, are you?” he says dryly, rubbing his chin as if in deep thought.

Because any sensible woman would tell her stalker everything about her family.

Ana points out that Christian hasn't been forthcoming.

“You’ve interviewed me once already, and I can recollect some quite probing questions then.” He smirks at me.

"Which means I am given carte blanche to be a nosy asshole."

Holy shit. He’s remembering the “gay” question.

Once again, I’m mortified. In years to come, I know I’ll need intensive therapy to not feel this embarrassed every time I recall the moment.

.........................

Because the idea of someone being gay is so traumatic for our alleged heroine that she needs to go into "intensive therapy."

Fuck you, E.L. James.

Ana talks about her mother in order to "block out that memory."

Like a judgmental prick, Christian raises his eyebrows when he finds out that Ana's mom had three previous husbands and is now married again.

Ana claims to "miss" her mom... But since this was a Twilight fanfic, I think Ana is lying.

Ana adds that her mother is "harebrained" and is glad that her mom's current husband will "keep an eye on her."

Which doesn't like Renée Dwyer at all....

Christian is looking at Ana "intently" and Ana finds looking at his mouth to be "unsettling."

And I can't fucking wait for this chapter to be finally over.

Ana tells Christian about her stepfather Ray. She lived with Ray when mom met husband # 3.

Christian then asks why Ana didn't want to live with her mother.

This really is none of his business.

If the question really bothers you, tell him that.

And if Christian still insists, then he is a nosy asshole.

Ana says that the third husband lived in Texas and mom was newly married.

She thinks about the fact that mom never talks about husband number three.

Ana is pissed off at Christian because it is "none of his business."

Two can play at this game.

Why isn't Ana telling Christian to mind his own business?

And if Christian is being a nosy douchebag, she can politely excuse herself from the table and leave.

Silly me. That would be the mature thing to do.

Ana asks Christian about his parents. Christian says that his dad is a lawyer and his mom is a pediatrician. Ana muses how he had "an affluent upbringing."

And then this happens....

Well, not yet.

And if it doesn't happen, I would be VERY surprised.

So Ana's monologue gives Christian a verbal handjob. Then Ana asks Christian about his siblings. He tells her.

His eyes cloud with irritation.

I'll say it until I'm blue in the face...

Saying that Christian has "cloudy" eyes makes it sound like he has cataracts.

He doesn’t want to talk about his family or himself.

Of course, Christian doesn't want to talk about his family.

If he did that, then he wouldn't be the center of attention.

And I call bullshit on Christian not wanting to talk about himself.

He is a narcissist.

And we have even MORE boring conversations.

I swear to God, this book is going to drive me insane.

Christian and Ana talk about different countries. Ana wants to go to England because she is an Anglophile.

Ana leaves so she can study for her exams. Christian tells Ana that he will walk her back to the parking lot. She thanks Christian for the tea.

He smiles his odd I’ve-got-a-whopping-big-secret smile.

This is a Twilight fanfic so Edward MUST have a big secret.

Christian says "It’s my pleasure" and "commands" her to come with him. Charming.

Ana holds his hand. And she is thinking about everything as they are walking back to the hotel.

I feel like I’ve been interviewed for a job, but I’m not sure what for.

You just got hired for a job....

As Christian's new sex slave.

“Do you always wear jeans?” he asks out of the blue. “Mostly.”

Christian will buy her some new clothes including a pair of jeans.

After he put a passed out Ana on the bed and undressed her...

And I'm going to stop talking now before it gets even more disturbing.

She thinks that Christian has asked her a weird question. Ana gets mopey at the idea of Christian having a paramour.

She asks Christian if he has a girlfriend. Christian smirks and "peers down" at Ana.

He tells her that he doesn't do "the girlfriend thing." The comment befuddles Ana.

He’s not gay.

Or he could be aromantic asexual.

But silly me.

E.L. James is probably one of those people who don't think that asexual people exist.

Oh, maybe he is! He must have lied to me in his interview.

They have only seen each other three times.

But Ana is acting like it is her God-given right to know Christian's sexual orientation.

It doesn't even occur to Ana that is NONE of HER FUCKING BUSINESS.

When someone is queer (gay, bi, pan, ply, or somewhere on the asexual spectrum), and they decide to come out...

It isn't a one-day event.

They are coming out every day for the rest of their lives.

As far as Ana knows, Christian could be a closeted gay man.

She doesn't even know or care about the consequences of forcing someone out of the closet.

For the record, outing someone is an incredibly douchey thing to do but it can be very dangerous.

And for argument's sake, say that Christian is gay.

And if he told her, Ana wouldn't keep her mouth shut.

Like Bella, she would be shouting it into a megaphone.

Ana is upset that Christian doesn't give her "some explanation." She wigs out and insists that she must "get away from him."

And because Ana is a klutz, she trips.

Christian says "Shit!" before saving Ana from being hit by a van cyclist. Christian is holding Ana in his arms. Of course, she is swooning.

I inhale his clean, wholesome scent. He smells of freshly laundered linen and some expensive body wash. It’s intoxicating. I inhale deeply.

...................

....................

Because nothing says tru luv like huffing someone like an aerosol can.

Christian asks if she is okay.

He has one arm around me, clasping me to him, while the fingers of his other hand softly trace my face, gently probing, examining me.

I know that this is supposed to be a swoonworthy moment...

But having the love interest "examining" and "gently probing" the heroine...

To me, it sounds like Christian is coroner examining a corpse.

Of course, Christian's breath "hitches."

He’s staring into my eyes, and I hold his anxious, burning gaze for a moment, or maybe it’s forever…

For a book that is supposed to be edgy...

It is as sappy as a Hallmark movie.

Ana remarks that Christian has a "beautiful mouth."

And for the first time in twenty-one years, I want to be kissed. I want to feel his mouth on mine.

#book snark #chapter snark #snark #anti fifty shades of grey #anti fifty shades #anti el james #bad fiction #fifty shades of grey

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