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algernoninwonderland · 3 years

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“Porter sur toi un nouveau regard”: basic outlines and preparatory notes

What better way to celebrate a fic being completed than me releasing some of the basic notes I took while planning it? Here they are, with a few additions.

It all started as a prompt I got on Discord, the very simple “love at first sight” and I wasn’t quite sure what to do with it at first, but the idea of sight stuck with me. Are your first impressions the right ones? Can you learn to see someone a certain way or another? It’s ultimately a story about learning to see other people and yourself, isn’t it?

Which meant I had to take a certain point of view, because an omniscient floating eye is emotionally detached. Character POV may have a limited scope, but that may help empathise with them. This is a story about Kagami, so it was only fair for Kagami to be the centre of it.

Chapter 1:

“How does Kagami truly feel about Marinette before Ikari Gozen”?

While Marinette sees the two of them as rivals, that rivalry is one-sided, and Kagami wouldn’t take that girl seriously. She’s simply annoying.

Kagami is a lonely character, who genuinely wants to make friends, still, and she’s anything but cool or smooth. She doesn’t know the other characters the way the audience does, at all.

Tomoe Tsurugi sucks.

Switching from “Dupain-Cheng” to “Marinette Dupain-Cheng” to “Marinette” would be a nice way to keep the reader hooked. Lots of tiny details that’ll come back later on!

Comphet.

Lots of comphet already. What you “should” like, a calculated, conscious choice.

A few jabs at the show because why not.

Chapter 2:

Filling gaps in characterisation and timeline to make sure that everything hurts later on! Including pre-Adrigami. People thought the paperwork between Tomoe and Gabriel was a marriage contract, not quite, but an arranged relationship? Definitely from Tomoe’s side.

Are Kagami and Marinette already going on dates when they visit the city together all on their own? Isn’t that the true sapphic experience.

Also, the promise of them going to the terrace rooftop on sunny days! It’ll come back later on.

The Bike Motive. Marinette driving her forward.

“Your hair is beautiful” but make it much gayer.

I hate the André scene in the finale, it sucks and it’s awful for everyone. It should be awful for both Marinette and Kagami. Comphet. So much comphet.

Kagami’s impression of brokenness is something we’ll come back to over and over again.

Adrien doesn’t notice because he’s Adrien. The kiss. Nothing.

“K-Kagami!” End with a cliffhanger for more suffering.

As a side note, I made myself cry writing this chapter.

Chapter 3:

Everything hurts. Everything. Hurts.

Identity reveals don’t solve anything, they still fail, and Marinette still isn’t willing to show herself to Kagami, still hiding behind a facade.

Just because Marinette understands things a little better doesn’t mean it hurts any less

They are both lying to each other and themselves and they don’t even realise it.

“Fixing the brokenness” through comphet.

Nothing is solved at all.

Falling asleep on a chaise longue plus blanket

Chapter 4:

Life as a socialite in Paris, concerts and restaurants, wearing clothes she hasn’t chosen

The Adrien routine, pulling chairs and flowers

It’s all miserable still, lots of “shoulds”

Fencing competition, fencing competition ahead. Tomoe is a terrible parent and a terrible coach.

Text conversations with Marinette, overdoes joy with emojis

The Bike Motive Returns, with more feelings, Marinette’s almost desperate gestures

(Kagami as the only person she can fully confide in, but still won’t)

An early birthday present… But Kagami is born in November, Marinette is a mess and so is her room.

Hug and first hint of reciprocated Marigami? Just the happiness of having someone like Kagami who admires her work as Marinette.

Falling asleep on a chaise longue plus blanket, part deux.

KAGAMI IN A SUIT!!!

Kisses on the cheek are really common in France, not Japan. A heavy kiss.

Dress or suit?

Marinette is a mess, texts at night. Difference between Adrien and Marinette’s texts, Adrien’s more self-centred.

No sense of space in Tokyo, jet lag and closed house. Closed spaces.

Chapter 5:

I’m going to write a full chapter about sabre fencing and people will love it

Lots of sneaky (or not so sneaky) GL and Yuri manga/anime references. Make Juri Arisugawa part of the Jury.

All the locations are real

Marinette overdoes it again, Kagami can’t tell.

Kagami’s technique dissecting her opponents. She is a champion already.

Teach the readers about fencing whilst describing it. Have opponents be challenging in specific, understandable ways.

She chooses the suit. What even is subtlety.

As a side note: it was a really fun one to write.

Chapter 6:

Marinette internship phone call, Nathalie’s plan. No way Gabriel would accept to work with a kid. Flirting, Kagami as a muse?

The Foucault chapter. Everything is a prison. Restaurant, vertical stripes on wall as prison bars, the relationship, the self-locking car. This is no Utena car.

Everything is wrong, including the food

Adrigami friendship, much better than Adrigami romance. Rose/Chair. She doesn’t hate him at all, she just doesn’t love him… It wouldn’t work, she’s gay and he’s a liar.

Self-imposed gestures of affection.

Do not describe the kisses, they’re just a thing she has to do

Marinette is a mess, Ladybug is a mess, hell imagery, falling down a hole, almost dying. We are in the car with Kagami and we want to do something, anything, and we can’t.

Chapter 7:

The first step to things being alright again is to admit that they aren’t alright now

Nighttime conversation, Kagami letting Ladybug in

Marinette finally showing herself bare to Kagami but still tries not to until the dam breaks. Being a hero is miserable. Being the Guardian when you are a child with no guidance or support is miserable. Kagami as the only person she can trust.

Botched Lukanette date?

“I’m just so tired.”

“You are not a failure, you are so courageous, a genius fashion designer and my best friend”

(Additional note: I cried writing that passage)

Sharing the burden: help in more than just words.

“I hate that you have to see me like that.”

But showing your vulnerability and still being accepted as true love

Kagami truly sees Marinette now.

“Tutorship” and Tomoe being awful but excuse works. Help is material, homework, tidying up the room together.

“Stop feeling guilty about letting other people help you.”

Flirting hidden behind jokes, Kagami lying to herself. Way to ruin the mood.

Marigami baking.

Harlem 88, postal workers, acab

Watching television on the same couch, or rather watching Marinette watch television.

Umbrella scene with polka dots.

Kagami fully aware of her feeling and afraid of them, afraid that Marinette might feel the same

Chapter 8:

more fencing, Kagami absolutely rules

Worrying about Marinette alone with Gabriel, rightfully so, but can’t say that out loud

Stereotypical outdated Japanese-ness, Kagami can’t conform, doesn’t know how to put on her houmongi on her own. Tomoe and paradoxes, her daughter is both weak and “too muscular” at the same time.

The Palais Royal. The Buren columns are very climbable.

Gabriel, “quite miraculous”. Testing the waters, Kagami doesn’t notice.

Jealousy when Adrien speaks of Marinette?

Ratatouille reference! Tatou.

Tomoe playing the role of the exotic Japanese to be accepted.

Drunk parents, drunk on power and self-satisfaction.

Adrien’s kiss, forced to return it.

Fear that Adrien might become Marinette’s muse

The bike motive once more

Barkk’s power is tracking magical signatures, each is different from the other

Marinette taking control over her own life, making plans to stop Hawk Moth instead of passively waiting for each attack,

“She was never broken. She is in love with another girl.”

Marinette is in love with her too, but is ready to wait.

Chapter 9:

Adrien IS Chat Noir, up to the entitlement and his way of being physically affectionate. Stay true to canon and canon implications.

Adrigami/DJWifi double date, Alya means well but doesn’t know everything

Wordbuilding: of course the Ladyblog isn’t the only website ever, bad rival, Daily Bugle pun.

Not hating someone doesn’t mean you should be with them.

Hints of Adrigami friendship again, relief at avoiding romance.

Food at Kagami’s, cooker, formally perfect but not personal

Marinette and Barkk, closer to their goal

The Turtle Pearl bracelet: a shield, a great way to show feeling of danger, symbol of love

Kagami is the one to kiss Marinette on the cheek this time

Chapter 10:

Tomoe is a bad instructor episode 100

In which Adrien proves himself to truly be also Chat Noir, i.e. unable to understand personal barriers and entitlement. Still Kagami’s POV. He doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong, insistence≠playfulness. certainly won’t apologise

The bike motive again. Scenic road and conversation

Going to Orsay, definitely a date!

Chat Noir was moody during akuma crisis because of course he was.

Chapter 11:

Adrigami “break”, Adrien sucks at admitting that he’s anything but perfect and being confronted with that.

Kagami bluntness.

Adrigami isn’t about Adrigami, it’s about the Tsurugi family’s status and Tomoe terrified of consequences. Attacking the room instead of Kagami herself.

The Turtle Pearl glows when wearer feels endangered or imminent danger

The museum pictures, the two of them together

Aquarium date?

“Voice of reason” isn’t the voice of reason at all.

Barkk is in the bag, smells everything

Chapter 12:

Kagami as Tomoe’s messenger

Agreste mansion as a mausoleum, setting up the geography, security cameras, cold. Painting of Émilie, goal is near

Nathalie being extremely good at pretending she didn’t just knock that kid unconscious months ago, she’s awful and it’s great.

Marinette internship, Gabriel wears a bowtie… Resembles a butterfly.

Barkk in the bag, smells everything.

Stressful phone call, feels feverish, it’s him and that’s undeniable.

Marinette the detective.

“Thanks for being there for me”

“Thank you for trusting me so much”

Having dinner with Hawk Moth, it’s awful and stressful

No more chair/rose

Adrien is miserable but not aggressive. Building up to final fight

Chapter 13:

Meet the Dupain-Chengs, short, awkward, sweet moment

Marinette’s room, perfectly clean

From creepy stalker to detective, without downplaying the former or overplaying the latter

The two are complementary, very concrete things,

The plan: catch Hawk Moth red-handed, take it outside and expose him to the world

How the Kwami Pearls work: just like the Miraculouses themselves, feeding off the host, only more brutal. Marinette trying to reassure Kagami

Re-explain Turtle Pearl and other powers, illusion, thunder, time-rewind and portal

Gabriel owns original Degas painting since they are both assholes

Adrien/Chat still not great at all

Ice-cream but no biphobia/lesbophobia this time, just a regular shop suggested by Juleka.

The Pont des Arts, no more locks, just like in real life.

The confession, the kiss: consent and everything is right, but also desperate. Marinette really wants to do it well.

Longg is back, also, hype

Side note: I cried writing this one.

Chapters 14-15

Ryuko infiltrating the mansion, all in the details

I hate that Hawk Moth’s lair is an actual real physical space in the show, but if this needs to be material, then so be it. He was allowed to turn his house into that because he got help from the Mayor/Audrey.

Chat Noir can’t fight, near breakdown.

Nathalie knew. Remake of first fight, only Ryuko has clear upper hand.

Having missiles in your house isn’t a good idea.

The Turtle Pearl serves its purpose at last,

Gabriel mostly defeats himself on his own, hubris, the whole extent of his power dynamic with Nathalie

Going back to the Champ de Mars,

Teamwork, taking the butterfly down. Chat Noir rejects his father entirely, cataclysm-ed akuma.

The mansion again, entirely destroyed, paintings of Émilie burning. Spell book and tablet recovered.

Chapter 16:

Taking the big bad down is useless if you don’t take down the power structures that allowed him to strive in the first place. Killing Voldemort only solves that much.

Discovering it all on a phone screen, shut-in

ACAB no matter your gender

They are just following orders and happy to do so, and Gabriel still has some power over them

Tomoe plays by the rules, even though these rules are awful

Kagami’s anger

Chapter 17:

Aquarium date, aquarium date! Fish facts

Kagami’s anger still, doesn’t die out, render it through environment and senses

Water as a healing motive, fish facts

Hot outside - cold inside, ice-cream

Kagami nearly blows out because of kids after being slightly soothed

The power of love is strong but it can’t solve everything.

Additional note: someone in the comments asked me if Kagami had ASD, and the answer is, I don’t know, you tell me! If you think she is on the spectrum, then she is!

Addressing Kagami being closeted, because there’s simply no other way. This isn’t good. Having to live hidden out of fear isn’t good..

The bike motive, + ice cream

Kagami uses the word “lesbian” for the first time to describe her own experience.

Chapter 18:

Tomoe has feelings and these feelings suck. Under the guise of rules, abuse.

Kagami fighting back.

Power is material, through connections and money, nothing that can’t be bought

Kagami’s first demonstration, don’t make it too violent but still ACAB

Nino and Alya as reporters, Julerose and Luka seasoned protestors

The Palais de Justice’s gilded gates are closed vs the crowd

Marinette using her powers for something other than Hawk Moth, strong stance but also still a 15 yo kid’s understanding of the situation

Chapters 19-20:

No tanabata because Tomoe is terrible

The rooftop terrace at last, more Marigami wholesomeness

Dupain-Cheng house vs Tsurugi house, the furniture and dishes, the meal, more Tom and Sabine

Marinette has been cut from her Chinese heritage, exploring that (callback to Mandarin app, chapter 1) and bitterness of it

Adrien moving on in England, still Plagg with him, he’ll become a rich prep boy

Marinette as a Guardians, her own spell book

Duusuu is devouring Émilie’s soul and neither Marinette nor Kagami knows

Françoise Dupont at night, fencing classes, Marinette moves like Ladybug

The future: it is bright but bittersweet, let’s talk about it together

And there was only one bed

Oh, to cuddle with your girlfriend in her bed for the first time

Watching the sun rise together, calm breakfast

Side note: I also cried writing this one.

Chapter 21, epilogue

A new beginning

Kagami turning her back on her mother almost entirely

The bike motive, but Kagami no longer needs Marinette to show her the way now

New school, familiar faces but not only

An ordinary bracelet for Marinette, but proof of love despite everything

End on their hands.

#miraculous #ml #marigami #kagaminette #ao3fic #mine

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lingthusiasm · 4 years

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Transcript Episode 43: The grammar of singular they - Interview with Kirby Conrod

This is a transcript for Lingthusiasm Episode 43: The grammar of singular they - Interview with Kirby Conrod. It’s been lightly edited for readability. Listen to the episode here or wherever you get your podcasts. Links to studies mentioned and further reading can be found on the Episode 43 show notes page.

[Music]

Gretchen: Welcome to Lingthusiasm, a podcast that’s enthusiastic about linguistics! I’m Gretchen McCulloch. I’m here with Dr Kirby Conrod who’s a linguist at the University of Washington. But first, some announcements. The LingComm grant is still open until June 1st. You should apply for that if you have a linguistics communication project that you think will helped by a bit of money and a bit of support. There’s more details for that on the website at lingcomm.org. That’s “comm” with two Ms as in “communication.” We’ll link to that in the description as well.

[Music]

Gretchen: Hello, Kirby! Welcome to the podcast.

Kirby: Good morning. Thank you for having me.

Gretchen: Thank you so much for coming. I wanna start with the first question that we ask all of our guests which is, how did you get interested in linguistics?

Kirby: I have to preface this by saying that I didn’t know I was going to major in linguistics when I went to my undergrad for my four-year college. I got into UC Santa Cruz. It was lower on the list, but I ended up having an amazing time. When I was applying to colleges from high school, I thought I wanted to be an English major. I got to UC Santa Cruz and I realised, “Oh, my gosh! You guys don’t have an English major.” It’s just not a program that they have. So, I was like, “Okay. Well, I’m gonna make my own English major out of spare parts.” What I did was I decided, “Okay. I’m gonna double-major in literature and linguistics and that will make an English major.” What ended up happening was I essentially made, somehow, the opposite of an English major. It really ended up being the absolute perfect thing for me.

What really cemented, like, linguistics is where I was going to stay for sure was my first syntax class in my first year of undergrad. The first day of class my professor, Jim McCloskey, walks into the class and says – and I’m a freshman. I’m a little baby at this point. He walks into the class and says, “This is probably the hardest class that this university offers. Please don’t take it for a grade.” I have to say it was good advice. It was very hard. Taking it pass/fail meant that I could really focus on what I was learning. This was a Syntax 1 class. Syntax is all about the idea that we can make an equation to put words together to produce only the real sentences of language and not the sentences that don’t happen in language. By the end of the quarter, you have a pretty good working model of what sentences can be. It’s not complete yet. It’s always an ongoing project.

The other thing that really drew me to linguistics was that my instructors in undergrad were always really honest about this, and I try to be really honest too, about this is not a solved problem. This happens constantly – now that I’m teaching Syntax 1 and I’m on the other side of the room – it happens constantly that students will ask me questions that the answers don’t exist yet. It’s not that the answers aren’t out there. It’s that we haven’t figured it out yet. This happens all the time. As a student, to me, that was really moving and exciting of feeling like I could contribute something. There’s a lot that needs to be contributed. In undergrad, my instructors were very upfront about this of undergrads can and do produce new knowledge in their linguistics classes. Sometimes, undergrads go to conferences, present their work, do original research. It happens because there’s just a lot of unexplored space.

Gretchen: This was something I found really exciting as an undergrad as well that I can be looking at things and no one else has looked at this.

Kirby: It’s really, really cool. It’s one of these things that it gives you goose bumps to be sitting in a class and realise if I have an idea of how to deal with this, then I’m the first person to have this idea. I don’t have to just go back into the literature and find So-and-So has already solved this problem. It’s a matter of I can solve this problem. That’s really, really compelling.

Gretchen: You don’t have to go through 200 years or 500 years or 1,000 years of intellectual tradition of “I need to learn this entire history” before I can possibly make any sort of contribution to this area. It’s like this is a young field and there’s still stuff to do that.

Kirby: It feels like a math class where math isn’t finished being invented.

Gretchen: I guess there are still mathematicians who are inventing math, but you have to have a PhD in math before you know what math hasn’t been done yet.

Kirby: Whereas, very much it is the case that Syntax 1 students will run into new math in terms of syntax. It’s really cool and compelling to me.

Gretchen: This gets us into the next question which is, how did you get into your current research topic? What was the new thing that you were trying to figure out?

Kirby: I got into my current research topic when I got to grad school. I already knew that I wanted to study syntax, so I was taking syntax classes. In my first year of grad school was the first year that I was out as nonbinary and asking people to call me “they” and really being a participant in the trans community. Most of my friends were trans. The nonbinary stuff and the grad school in linguistics happened to me at the same time.

What this meant was I was sitting in semantics or syntax classes and reading stuff in our textbooks about pronouns that I could just say, “Well, that’s factually wrong. That’s descriptively just not what happens.” The reason that I knew this was that I was in this situation where being very newly out as nonbinary and being very newly asking people to use these pronouns, it was the situation where people would use just sort of random pronouns about me. I got the full spread of the three big ones of people would call me “he” or “she” or “they” sort of at random.

The other thing is that people would switch pronouns in the middle of the conversation and not necessarily notice it. Or I would constantly be having a conversation where one speaker – talking about the same person – one speaker is using one set of pronouns and the other speaker is using the other set of pronouns. None of this is something that can be adequately described in your grad school semantics or syntax textbook. What you’re going to see is something like, “Mary likes himself,” marked as ungrammatical. They’re gonna put the star on it and they’re gonna say, “This doesn’t happen.” As a trans person and as somebody with ears, I could just factually say that’s not true.

Gretchen: Because people are saying sentences like this all the time.

Kirby: People are saying sentences like this all the time. One of the things where I had this perspective that previous linguists had not had. So, I was really pulled to say I want syntax and semantics and sociolinguistics – I really want us to be able to explain this. Our theory is inadequate if we are throwing out data. This is something where the only time I would see this mentioned would be in footnotes of like, “Well, that’s not really relevant.” I was really pulled to say that is relevant. It’s relevant to me every day. I can’t get away from it. I came in knowing that I liked syntax first and being pulled towards thinking about gender and pronouns second because it was this apparently over-simplified area that left a lot of questions unanswered for me.

Gretchen: You’re like, “Look! I have this data and our current theory doesn’t account for that.”

Kirby: Exactly. That’s the thing that all syntacticians are doing all the time. It’s why we get really rowdy when you get a bunch of them in a room is because we all feel that excitement of there’s something that you can’t explain. You’ve given me an explanation that doesn’t explain everything. I have to make sure that people know about this.

Gretchen: And this idea that syntax should also be taking into consideration the variation in terms of how people use language and how different groups of people use language and learning from sociolinguistics about addressing these types of things better.

Kirby: Yeah. This is something where at my graduate institution where I got my PhD there is a lot of sociolinguistics. There is several sociolinguistic faculty. We have a lab. In my undergrad, we didn’t have sociolinguistics as a focus. We didn’t have any sociolinguistics faculty. It was very new to me. I was really excited by it because it feels like, yes, here’s all the complexity and diversity that my experience as a language user tells me it’s out there. Here's a way of thinking about it. As a syntactician, I’m really interested in incorporating the stuff that people are doing socially with language because I think if we’re building our model, our algorithm, of what are possible things to do, it is a little bit dishonest to be like, “Oh, but if you have this certain dialect, that’s a different thing and we’re just gonna ignore that data.” That feels a little dishonest. Then, the other thing is that it’s not the case that anybody speaks just one exact English. Everybody has some level of variation or multi-lectalism or your big box of forms that you have as an option.

Gretchen: I like to say that people talk differently to your boss than you do to your dog.

Kirby: Yeah. If I’m building a model that’s supposed to generate all the sentences, I wanna generate all the sentences. That includes ways of thinking about how you talk to your boss or your dog. For pronouns, this is so important because it does apparently seem to have grammatical consequences. It’s not just, “Oh, well, we’ll make the syntax part of it a little more vague and underspecified,” because there’re syntactic consequences where stuff has to agree with itself. If you use a pronoun in a sentence and then you’re gonna use another pronoun later, the rules are different than if you use a name and then use a pronoun later. The example I gave you of “Mary likes himself” where I said it sort of depends – I do hear people using pronouns in this way where it doesn’t seem to be totally linked to the name itself. A name is something that it really depends on who we’re thinking about in our mind. For example, my friend Rory who uses both “he” and “they,” you can say, “Rory likes themself,” and you can say, “Rory likes himself.” Those are both fine. Neither of them is misgendering them. But if I’m talking about Rory, even if we know that I’m talking about the same person – especially if we know that I’m talking about the same person – I can’t say, “He likes themself.”

Gretchen: Right. Because even though this person uses these two different pronouns, that makes it sound like you’re referring to two different people in the context of that one sentence.

Kirby: If I hold your head down and force you to say, “It’s the same person,” if I – like in my example – I’m like, “Okay. I put the little numbers on it to say I’m really talking about Rory both times,” then you’re gonna start saying, “Well, it’s ungrammatical. It’s weird to say this.” The rules seem to be really different for matching names and pronouns versus matching pronouns on pronouns, which indicates to me that there is something going on in the grammar itself, in the syntax part of it, and it’s not just social knowledge. It really has to be both parts of the puzzle to think about how we can explain what people are doing but also what people don’t do.

Gretchen: Because even within this “Oh, you have more options,” that doesn’t mean you have all of the possible hypothetical options.

Kirby: Yeah.

Gretchen: But you could do something like switching from one sentence to the next. Is that something people do? Like, “They like themself and he’s a good musician” or something like this.

Kirby: Yes. This is something where people do it about cis people – about not nonbinary people too. This is something where I noticed it in undergrad, actually. A friend of mine was telling us he had gone on a hot date last night. We knew what kind of gender that he was dating. So, it wasn’t that we didn’t know the likely gender of who he was talking about. But he was telling us the story about this hot date using “they” the whole time and saying, “Oh, yeah, they picked me up. They were driving this beautiful car” and stuff like this. Then, a ways into the story he started using “he” for a while, while talking about getting drinks at the bar of like, “Oh, he bought me this beautiful cocktail.” At the end of the story, he switched back to “they” of like, “I don’t know if I’m gonna text them again.”

Gretchen: Interesting. Like, as this person was getting more intimate in the story with this person they’re switching to a more, I guess, specific gender in this context. Then, when they’re saying, “Oh, I’m not sure if I’m gonna talk to them again” –

Kirby: This is something where it’s not the case that my friend’s date uses two sets of pronouns necessarily. The thing about “they” in particular is that it doesn’t tell you anything about the gender. It can imply things, but it can’t specifically tell you things. People have the option to use “they” pretty much all the time. People do use it to give you a little more detail and a little less detail. When they’re giving you more detail, sometimes that can give you additional of meaning of like, “I want you to know this is an important part of the kind of relationship that I’m talking about.” When they give you a little bit less detail, sometimes it’s like, “Well, gender’s kind of not relevant for this part. This is the part where I don’t think it’s important to talk about the specific gender of the person.”

It’s not that the gender stopped existing. It’s just that we have this option of turning the dial up of how much we wanna include. This opportunity to switch and change pronouns in some contexts but not others is something that also brought up a bunch of questions for me as a student in graduate school learning about sociolinguistics because the other thing is that sociolinguists talk about gender, but they talk about it in the very binary way – or up until a certain point. They’re starting to really grapple with this.

Reading my Sociolinguistics 1 and 2 papers, there’s a lot of, “Men do this, and women do this.” Or “Men mostly do this, and women mostly do this.” No mention of nonbinary people. For one thing, they did not include any in the study. For another thing, many of the authors of early sociolinguistics work just didn’t really have access to LGBT communities in the 60s and 70s. Or it was really separated from mainstream communities in a way that made it hard to compare directly. Reading these studies as an early student of sociolinguistics and being nonbinary in my first and second year of grad school, saying, “None of this applies to me. You can’t explain anything I do under this model” and really feeling like we have to develop the theory to be able to explain everything that’s happening not just the stuff that we don’t decide is weird.

Gretchen: Exactly. What’s the point in having a theory if you’re saying we’re only gonna try to explain some of this data and just ignore a whole bunch that doesn’t fit with the theory?

Kirby: My motivation for pursuing my work in pronouns, and especially my work with nonbinary and trans pronouns, has been all about answering those questions that came up for me very early in my graduate school and saying I think our way of doing this is not sophisticated enough. I really want to push us further.

Gretchen: What are some answers or glimmerings towards answers that you’ve ended up with?

Kirby: One of the things that I’m trying to discuss with people is that there’re a bunch of other kinds of pronouns in languages besides English, and English has had these in the past, but pronouns that encode this very social information in the way that gender is and still have grammatical consequences. We’ve just been not using this model to explain what’s going on with gender.

Gretchen: Things like formal versus informal “you” and these kinds of things?

Kirby: Exactly. One of the things that I’ve come up with is if we think of this existing thing, and there’s some really great research in Spanish of Latin America where people will switch between “tu” and “usted” and “voseo” – “tu” being the informal “you,” and “usted” being a formal “you,” and “voseo” is a form of the verb agreement. The verbs will change depending on the forms. There’s some great work within the last few years about, yeah, people totally switch in the middle of the conversation and they totally switch in the middle of the conversation as a way of accomplishing certain social goals.

This example given by Raymond 2016 where a 911 caller – he’s a tourist. He’s speaking Spanish and he’s calling and talking to the 911 dispatcher. At the beginning of the conversation, he’s trying to say, “I got scammed at this hotel.” He’s very indignant. He’s using “tu” to the dispatcher as a way of interacting of like, “You are a service person” in the way that you speak down to or, if you’re rude, you speak down to people who are providing you a service in certain ways.

Gretchen: Kind of registering his anger by not being polite.

Kirby: Yeah. Later in the conversation, when she’s starting to ask for paperwork or receipts or stuff and he’s starting to get nervous, he switches to the “usted” forms because – so Raymond conceptualises that the reason for this is that he now sees her as a gatekeeper to something that he wants. Now, he has to appease her rather than talk down to her. This is the thing of this all happens with gender too. It’s a little bit more abstract because the social relationships that we’re talking about are not up or down. You can map them onto hierarchies, but they don’t cleanly follow. Thinking about systems that refer to people’s gender, and especially systems that encode people’s gender directly into the grammar in some way, as more similar to systems that encode formality or honorific marking is a really useful model. It’s a really good way of getting away from the rigid binary models that we’ve looked at before.

Gretchen: Because the idea is that honorifics, everyone knows that they change in a given social interaction and people can switch to using a different form of “you” to address somebody or a different form of even “I” – like Japanese has all these different forms of “I” depending on how polite you wanna be.

Kirby: And depending on gender and depending on specific age – yeah. There’s a lot of rich expressive content there. Basically, the idea that comes out of my research is that you can use gender features – and I’m doing air quotes, “gender features” – where you can use pronouns in English but you can also use other parts of speech that are more grammatical to do that work via gender marking.

Gretchen: What’s an example of that?

Kirby: I’m gonna give you an example from Ru Paul’s Drag Race.

Gretchen: Excellent.

Kirby: This was very early on in a season. A contestant is not doing well. This is the contestant who is actually eliminated first. Have you watched Ru Paul’s Drag Race?

Gretchen: I may have seen an episode at some point but I’m not particularly familiar, so you should proceed as though I know nothing.

Kirby: One of things you’ll notice when you watch the show is that the contestants and the judges mostly use “she” for the contestants who are all drag queens but not always. It depends on how they feel about a particular queen.

What you see with this contestant who’s getting eliminated very early in the season, the lead up to her elimination is the usual reality TV of they do confessional shots where they’re talking about each other and then the judges are talking shit about contestants in the way that one does on reality TV. The contestant who’s going to get eliminated – I mean, they set this up pretty clearly. They’re going to eliminate her at the end of the episode. They talk a lot about how she is struggling with the performance. She’s not doing a good job with her costume construction or deciding how to do the performing art of drag. When they’re talking about her in her way of not being a good performer, they use “he.”

Gretchen: Okay. Like, “You’re not performing femininity well, so we’re not gonna use this pronoun”?

Kirby: It’s not exactly about not performing femininity well because none of them talk about her not being convincing as a drag queen. They’re mostly talking about her not being skilled as a drag queen. If you think about it as a type of performing art in the same way that opera or ballet or river dancing are all specific types of performing art that you can be good or bad at – and the specific thing about drag performance is that if you are good or bad at the specific performing art, you get different pronouns.

This contestant was not less feminine than the other drag queens. It’s that she was not good at dancing, which this is conceptually a little bit further away from she’s not very feminine. That was not the issue. It was not the issue that any of the judges or other contestants were talking about. They were talking about, you know, “She’s not good at dancing,” or “She’s not good at organising her time so she has enough time in the time period to construct a good costume out of garbage,” or whatever the reality TV challenge is – the thing of there’s always a time limit. Part of the thing of succeeding at the time limit is budgeting your time. If you’re not good at that, then you’re gonna do poorly in the contest.

Gretchen: That’s not really gender.

Kirby: It’s not gender. But using “he” as a way of layering meaning on top of that – and they didn’t call her “he” the whole episode. They did it only when they were specifically talking about her poor performance.

Gretchen: Interesting. So, it’s accomplishing this very specific sub-goal.

Kirby: Yes. This is obviously a very locally constrained use of that meaning, but it’s very productive – meaning that people can use those meanings to accomplish a lot of different goals and they can do it without really thinking about it. They can extend the meaning and be very creative with it. This is the thing that really, to me, indicates these are up for meaning making in the same way that “tu” and “usted” are up for meaning making which is sometimes “tu” and “usted” mean “I’m older and more senior than you,” but sometimes, they mean “I need something from you.

Gretchen: There’s this incredibly complicated flow chart about when to use “tu” versus “vous” in French. One of the questions is like, “Are you feeling lucky, punk?” and if you’re feeling lucky, you use “tu,” and if you’re not feeling lucky, you use “vous.” Sometimes, these decisions are microsocial decisions in a particular instance where you’re saying, “Here’s what I’m doing kind of.”

Kirby: Essentially, my contribution here is saying that that flow chart of “Are you feeling lucky, punk?” and a lot of microsocial decisions applies just as well to gender as it applies to formal pronouns. What this does is it means that we can conceptualise pronouns as more similar cross-linguistically rather than more different. This is a hard project because it doesn’t look like pronouns are a natural class – meaning that they’re not made out of the same stuff in every language. Languages generally need pronouns as a way to avoid saying the same name over and over again. What this ends up doing is encoding social information to varying degrees.

Gretchen: There are lots of languages that don’t have gender in pronouns at all.

Kirby: The majority of the world’s languages have no gender marking on their pronouns. The “he/she” thing in English, we’re in a minority position here.

Gretchen: It’s this weird artificial thing of Indo-European languages often have gender pronouns, but outside of Europe, very few languages do.

Kirby: If you’re gonna only compare cousins and then say that you found a fact about all humans, you have a pretty serious confound there in that they are related.

Gretchen: It turns out all humans have red hair.

Kirby: Yeah. Because I looked at all the Weasleys and they all have red hair and so all humans have red hair. It’s nonsensical to do that kind of comparison and only look at Indo-European languages because they are related. You are going to get some factors that there’s no reason to assume that’s universal.

Gretchen: You’ve done surveys of how English speakers use pronouns has been changing demographically as well – like by age.

Kirby: Yes. When I’ve been doing these surveys, my biggest survey was looking at “singular they.” Singular they has been in English for hundreds of years. There’s lots of work on this.

Gretchen: It’s in Shakespeare. It’s in Chaucer. All of this stuff.

Kirby: It’s been around. But the kind of singular they that’s been around is not the kind that I use as a nonbinary person. The different kinds of singular they are something like, okay, “Someone forgot their backpack.”

Gretchen: You don’t know whose backpack it is.

Kirby: Or “Each linguist should grab their nametag.”

Gretchen: I think the example from Shakespeare is, “There’s not a man I meet but doth salute me as if were their well-acquainted friend.” Here, it’s interesting because you have “man” there, but he’s clearly this man in a somewhat generic sense and using the “they” there rather than, “There’s not a man I meet but does salute me as if I were his well-acquainted friend,” which would be more this specific “men.”

Kirby: This is interesting because you’ll also see sentences like, “Pregnant women should always be given their parental leave.” We’re definitely talking about women, so it’s not the case that it’s just like, “Oh, well, Shakespeare thinks that man is the default kind of person.” No. It’s also the case that you’ll see that kind of generic singular they with “woman,” but the thing is that we’re talking about a set of people. We’re talking about a bunch of people in a group and then saying each one does their thing, which is different than talking about a specific person.

The new use is something like, “Kirby forgot their backpack.” I’m a singular they user, meaning that I don’t want to be referred to by “he” or “she” or anything else. I want to be referred to by “they.” It is also the case that this can happen whether or not we’re talking about someone who prefers that. Using “they” about a particular person is syntactically different than using “they” about a group of people that is singular because I’m talking about each one individually. So, “Each student forgot their backpack” is different than “Kirby forgot their backpack.” “Kirby” is a specific person.

Gretchen: Right. We can point to that person. “Each person forgot their backpack” is, if I’m pointing to each person, I have to do a bunch of different pointing.

Kirby: Yes. When I did my big survey, what I found was that use of the specific one – and I tested it by using names. I actually tested it using a bunch of different gendered names and I compared it with other pronouns as well. I did masculine and feminine and gender-neutral names with “they” – singular – and “he” and “she” to just see if there’s a difference. What I found was that there is a difference, but not for everybody. Older speakers do find it a little bit less natural sounding when I use a name and singular they. It’s different than when I use a name and “he” or “she.” Younger speakers – and the age cut off is around 35, basically millennials on down – younger speakers really don’t have a problem with it en masse. Most of them find it fine and they’ll rate it as “This is just a normal sentence.” Obviously, there are individual people who are like, “No. That sounds weird to me.” But it’s not as many. When you chart it all out, it really looks like there’s a slope that, as you look at older people, they have a harder time accepting that as part of the grammar or part of their unconscious syntax.

Gretchen: Is this a thing that some older people are managing to do it, it depends on how queer friends they have? Or is it like a –

Kirby: The studies on this are very new. To sort of triangulate across my research and some of Lauren Ackerman’s and some of Evan Bradley’s, it looks like, in general, if you have more nonbinary friends then you’re better with singular they. That makes sense. That’s Lauren Ackerman’s study. In general, if you are trans or nonbinary yourself, you’re better with singular they. Binary trans men and women are, in general, better with singular they than cis people in general. Nonbinary people are sort of obviously fine with it.

Gretchen: Like, “Oh, look! I do this myself, so I guess I better practice it a lot” or whatever.

Kirby: The other thing that influences it then – I’m talking about three different studies. We haven’t combined forces yet. This is all stuff that’s been published within the last two years. It’s very, very fresh off the presses.

Gretchen: This is cutting-edge linguistic research.

Kirby: It’s extremely cutting edge. Lauren Ackerman’s stuff is saying if you have more nonbinary friends, you’re better with singular they. I can say, “Okay. If you’re younger and/or trans and/or nonbinary yourself, you’re better with singular they.” Evan Bradley has been looking at people’s feelings about prescriptivism and feelings about gender ideology. People who have more prescriptive opinions in general are worse with singular they. Also, people who have – this is what he calls “benevolent sexism,” which is not “Oh, I hate women and I’m gonna oppress them” –

Gretchen: It’s like, “I’m gonna hold open the door for all the women.”

Kirby: Yeah. Benevolent sexism is sort of “I think that people of different sexes have fundamental differences and different needs based on their sex.” If you have that benevolent sexism, you’re more likely to be worse at singular they. It’s related to this idea that there are binary baseline categories of people.

Gretchen: I found for me that acquiring singular they, which I feel like I’ve done in the past couple years because I know more nonbinary and agender people who use singular they as a pronoun, and at first it took a conscious thought, which is kind of like acquiring a language but in an easier way. I also have to do this conscious thought when I’m speaking French and I’m figuring out am I using “tu” or “vous” or am I doing this thing in French. It takes a bit off extra thought, but it doesn’t mean that adults can’t acquire a language because adults clearly do learn languages. This is not learning an entire language. It’s doing something like that, but I think I had to believe that it was worth doing this additional bit of conscious effort in order to actually do it.

Kirby: Yes. All the singular they researchers agree that the next step is figuring out, what is the factor that makes it easier for some people to learn it and not for other people? You’re not the first person that I’ve talked to who has said, “Yeah. I’ve learned it in the past couple years” or “I’ve made an effort to learn it.” I also have people who have said, “I just kind of picked it up from around me,” but as an adult. Not something where the Zoomers – the very young Gen Z people – who are coming into my freshman classes with singular they already. They’re acquiring it as children. They don’t have to do any work. They already have it.

It is the case that some adults seem to be able to acquire it on purpose, and some adults seem to want to acquire it but really can’t, or they report significant difficulty. You will get people – and it doesn’t seem to be correlated with age. We need to do studies about this. We haven’t done it yet because we all need some resources to be able to do that. But there are people who say, “I’m really trying to learn singular they, but I mess up often.” Well, people will frequently under-report how much they mess up. You will frequently say – if you look at somebody who is saying, “I’m trying to do better but I do make mistakes” – they’ll usually say, “Yeah. I make one or two mistakes.” Then, you’ll actually look at what they’ve said, and they mess up almost constantly. We don’t really know yet what the issue is that makes it easier for some people to learn it.

Gretchen: Or something like intimacy? I notice this on the internet especially because you don’t have as many cues on the internet. Oftentimes, if you’re referring to a commenter above you in a thread and all you know is that the commenter’s initials are J.D. or something, you really have no information about this commenter, people will often use “they” to refer to the previous commenter. Whereas, if somebody knows me, one of the ways that I can tell that they know me is that they’re actually using “she/her” for me as opposed to using the generic “they” of the comment thread. It maybe signals a kind of intimacy.

Kirby: This is something that Leah Velleman has talked about – I cite her in my dissertation because it’s a great idea – something called “distal they,” where it’s a use of singular they that ends up implying social distance, essentially what you explained of like, “Well, if they knew me, they would be using a more specific form.”

It’s in the same way that using someone’s name, and especially first name, implies familiarity. It’s not necessarily that a first name has some sort of grammatical feature of familiarity. It’s just that it implies that you have enough social contact to know their first name, also they’re not gonna get mad at you for using it and this sort of thing. That way of using “they” to mark social distance or social closeness, if you have an option of a more specific pronoun, is something that falls out of how specific and how much information am I giving you about this person’s social position. I assume if it were relevant or if you had more information, you would be giving me more information, and if you had less information, that might be why you’re using this underspecified, vague form.

Gretchen: We’ve talked about people acquiring singular they very consciously and putting in this effort to do that. Did you also study why people are putting in this effort to organise their syntax? People don’t do this all the time.

Kirby: I’m gonna do a rude thing to you. You told me that this is something that you have learned on purpose. You made an effort to learn it. Why did you do that?

Gretchen: I mean, it seemed like the polite thing to do – the “being a considerate human” thing to do. If someone says, “Please, call me this,” then I either need to do that or I need to accept this person’s not gonna like me anymore.

Kirby: That’s the motivation. As far as I can tell you, and I haven’t yet gotten into the formal research, but it seems like – people volunteer the information to me pretty frequently – that the reason somebody would decide to change their grammar on purpose is to avoid doing this thing that’s baked into their grammar that ends up being very rude. Misgendering somebody is very rude. It is rude whether you do it to a trans person or a cis person. It just so happens that it happens to trans people a lot more often.

You’re asking me, why are people acquiring this? And the answer that you had given me yourself is, “I don’t wanna misgender people. It’s rude.” It’s rude to call somebody by the wrong name. It’s rude to just decide to give somebody a name that they don’t identify with. I think that a lot of people can say, if you just come up to me and say, “Hey, I’m gonna call you ‘Champ,’” maybe I don’t want you to call me “Champ,” actually. Maybe I don’t like to be called “Champ.” People really don’t like that feeling of being called something that doesn’t reflect what you think you are. If you know any nonbinary people, you have this motivation to not misgender them.

A really sweet story that I can share, when my friend changed their pronouns to “they,” one of the things that their cis friends did was they decided, “Okay. We’re gonna hang out” – they all lived together. They were all roommates. “We’re gonna hang out today. We’re gonna all clean the house. We’re gonna talk about them all day and tell stories about them to practice – to practice where they don’t have to hear us mess up.”

Gretchen: Oh, nice. The friend wasn’t there. It was just all of their cis friends saying, “We’re gonna practice.”

Kirby: Yeah. This friend came back – came over the next week – and everybody was already perfect at it because they had dedicated an eight-hour day of just doing that and correcting each other and getting the practice out of the way before it’s gonna hurt somebody’s feelings. That practice phase is something that’s really useful. Asking a bunch of friends to spend eight hours cleaning is something that not everybody has time to do.

The other thing that you can do is something like tell a story about the person and encourage yourself to practice self-correcting because it’s in this way where you’re doing it not in front of them, so you can get all your mistakes out of your system not in front of them. You’re not asking the person to do the emotional labour of correcting you every time. You’re just doing it out of the way, so they don’t have to be on your case.

Gretchen: The social awkwardness of like, “Oh, do I speak up and then make this conversation about that or do I let it slide?” But then maybe they’ll keep doing it, and this is something that’s hurtful.

Kirby: You can do that work without burdening the person because, okay, for my example, if I spent as much time in the beginning of my transition and grad school at the same time, I spent a lot of time correcting people and sending emails and really insisting. It took up a lot of time. I have to do it –

Gretchen: You’re trying to do a whole bunch of other stuff as well.

Kirby: Also, I was in grad school. I was very busy. I had to do this with everybody. If people took it upon themselves to get good it on their own, that was one fewer of my friends and family that I had to worry about tutoring. My sister just did it on her own and practiced and doesn’t mess up in front of me. It’s fine. It means that I never have to put my mental time and budget for correcting.

Gretchen: I think there are a lot of tips that people can have of, “Oh, this does seem like a thing that I wanna do of like I do wanna respect people and I do wanna not hurt people,” but you’re the individual pieces of that. And you’re putting together a guide?

Kirby: It’s not just me. I am absolutely indebted to the work of Bronwyn Bjorkman and Lex Konnelly who put together the They 2019 conference, which was a linguistics conference and was focused completely on nonbinary and trans pronoun use. One of the outputs of this conference is that everybody who attends is collaborating on materials and ways that we’re going to share our research findings for people to use in their real lives.

We are putting together brochures of – how do you practice? How do you learn? How can you help people? These are something that we’re trying to make very accessible and trying to make it very straightforward and shame free and all about allowing people to decide what they want to accomplish with their grammar because deciding to acquire a grammatical feature on purpose is making the decision that you’re gonna rewrite something totally unconscious as a way to stop hurting people. That takes work. But even making the decision in the first place is really important.

[Music]

Gretchen: For more Lingthusiasm and links to all the things mentioned in this episode, go to lingthusiasm.com. You can listen to us on iTunes, Google Play Music, SoundCloud, or wherever else you get your podcasts. You can follow @Lingthusiasm on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Tumblr. You can get IPA scarves and other Lingthusiasm merch at lingthusiasm.com/merch. Lauren tweets and blogs as Superlinguo. I can be found as @GretchenAMcC on Twitter, my blog is AllThingsLinguistic.com, and my book is Because Internet. You can follow Kirby Conrod, our guest, on Twitter as @kirbyconrod.

To listen to bonus episodes and help keep the show ad-free, go to patreon.com/lingthusiasm or follow the links from our website. Current bonus topics include teaching advice for linguistics and a very special episode of Lingthusiasm written by robots. Can’t afford to pledge? That’s okay, too. We also really appreciate if you can recommend Lingthusiasm to anyone who needs a little more linguistics in their life. Lingthusiasm is created and produced by Gretchen McCulloch and Lauren Gawne. Our senior producer is Claire Gawne, and our editorial producer is Sarah Dopierala, and our music is by The Triangles. I will leave you with our guest.

Kirby: Stay lingthusiastic!

[Music]

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

#linguistics #lingthusiasm #language #syntax #grammar #pronouns #singular they #interviews #Kirby Conrod #episode 43 #transcripts #gender #gender pronouns #trans #nonbinary #queer linguistics #sociolinguistics #sociosyntax

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annecoulmanross · 4 years

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Bridgens/Peglar Egyptology AU

(for the @theterrorbingo square “modern AU” | word count: 1k fic + 1.5k AU details | rating: T | warnings: mild spooky; talk of mummies; description of a panic attack)

The Terrors are all members of the Classics (Greek & Roman Studies) department. The Erebites are all members of the Egyptology department. These two departments share the beautiful Barrow Hall building on the campus of their university, but they do NOT get along….

….until Henry Peglar, a first-year graduate student in Classics, decides that he wants to learn how to read Egyptian hieroglyphs.

(Drabbles and AU info below the cut!)

It turns out that most students who want to study hieroglyphs have already finished the introductory course, however, because Henry ends up in a tiny winter-term class with only two other students. The three “hieroglyph 101s” all show up a bit early to their first day of class, fumbling into a dimly-lit classroom in the basement of Barrow Hall, across from the archaeological store-rooms.

They exchange quick introductions while waiting for the instructor to arrive. Both of Henry’s classmates are undergraduate Egyptology majors: Tom Hartnell is a bright young freshman with a passion for Egyptian mummies (and, admittedly, a slightly spotty undergraduate record), and Henry Collins is a terribly anxious junior who recently switched majors from Engineering (“Please call me Collins,” he says, after Henry begins to comment that they share a name. “Everyone else already calls me Collins.”)

The moment of revelation for Henry Peglar, though, is when he first sets eyes on their instructor: a senior graduate student named John Bridgens, who walks in just a minute after the hour, with a thermos of what smells like mint tea.

John Bridgens looks almost mournful for a moment, his dark eyes soulful, a thick pea-coat sitting heavy on his shoulders (which he quickly shrugs off; it may be a chilly January outside, but Barrow Hall is toasty and warm). When John looks over to his students, though, he smiles, and his face is transformed: Henry feels like the sun has suddenly come out from behind the blustery clouds.

Henry quickly realizes that learning Egyptian won’t be like learning Greek or Latin, but fortunately John is a very good teacher. Even though John holds office hours at an ungodly hour of the morning, Henry shows up to every office hour with a bright smile and a long list of questions.

What Henry doesn’t yet know is that he’s in for the most exciting semester of his life…

(Featuring such hijinks as: John and his students Henry, Tom, and Collins get locked into the archaeological store-room with the mummies, in the dark! Henry and Tom Hartnell uncover a secret that could overturn the Egyptology department! Henry develops an unfortunate crush on his instructor! What could go wrong!)

“We’re Trapped in Here, Aren’t We?” (Bonus Drabble)

The four of them have now been locked in the basement, in the dark, for over an hour.

Collins is quietly freaking out, sitting on a storage crate in the corner of the main room of the museum storage space. Henry watches Tom Hartnell deftly trying to help Collins regulate his breathing to a pace approaching normal, with some success; Henry decides not to intervene.

“We’re trapped in here, aren’t we?” Collins asks. He doesn’t sound panicked anymore, just stressed; it’s an improvement.

Tom rubs Collins’s shoulder reassuringly, and says, “I don’t know for certain, but I’m not going to let it worry me – we’re going to be okay, alright?” Tom then turns to Henry Peglar and tilts his head, adding: “Eddie Hoar told me that there used to be a secret passage that ran between Barrow Hall and the library, and that the door opened up somewhere here in the storage-rooms. Maybe we can find it?”

Henry nods, flashes a grin that feels fake but must seem genuine in the low light of the storage-rooms’ emergency lighting, because Tom smiles back at him. “I’ll go check on John,” Henry says. “See if he doesn’t know anything about a tunnel.”

Slipping in between the shelves of Greek ceramics, Henry winds his way toward the back workroom where he left John Bridgens, who had been convinced that there must be an extra key somewhere in the workroom desk drawers.

Henry is so caught up in thoughts of tunnels that fails to notice the packing box sitting next to the shelves and he manages to trip right over it. He takes the fall hard, feeling the chilly linoleum under his now-aching arm, his eyes squeezed shut against the pain. When he opens his eyes, though, Henry feels a bolt of fear run though him – for a moment he thinks he’s gone blind, because he sees nothing but darkness. A moment later, the ancient emergency lights flicker back on, and that’s worse because Henry is face-to-face with the mummy.

Henry had forgotten that she was stored here, under the shelves of Egyptian faience. He distantly remembers Dr. Blanky pointing out “the Egyptian girl, our princess,” in her lovely painted coffin, on a tour through the storage rooms last year when he had been a prospective student – but the fact that she was down here (trapped with us, his mind whispers) had escaped his mind.

Shuddering, Henry pushes himself up from the cold floor and backs up against the wall as the lights keep flickering. He knows, he knows, that there’s nothing to fear here, but the sight of the girl’s skin, drawn tight against her skin, her eerie grimace, had shaken him.

“Henry?”

Henry jumps about a foot in the air, but it’s just John, peering out from the workroom door.

“Henry, are you okay?” John continues, his brow furrowed with worry.

Henry swallows. “Yup, yeah, just took a tumble.” He straightens up, tries to collect himself. “Did you find an extra key?” he asks John.

But John isn’t so easily dissuaded. “Are you sure you’re alright?” He steps up next to Henry, a hand hovering over the arm that Henry’s cradling to his chest (Henry’s certain it isn’t broken, but he knows it’ll be bruised a bit).

Henry looks up into John’s eyes and exhales softly to see the loving concern written there. John’s so close now, lifting a hand toward Henry’s cheek, and Henry wants this, wants to reach out and embrace; he finally feels his limbs stop shaking now that John’s here, even as his heart races and his face tilts up…

…. and that’s the moment when the emergency lights finally flicker their last, and the corridor goes dark as a tomb.

Some Background on the Humanities Departments of Barrow Hall

The Department of Classics

The Classics program at Barrow Hall is small but powerful. Most of the faculty get along well with each other, professionally, although they don’t socialize much. There aren’t many graduate students in the program, but most of the grad students they do have are quite active on the university campus.

Classics Faculty

Dr. Crozier is the department chair of the Classics program. He teaches early Roman history, with a focus on land surveying, and he takes a very scientific approach to his material.

Dr. Little is an associate professor who teaches Greek military history and gets very excited about ancient weapons. (“Like the shot that killed Leonidas at Thermopylae!”)

Dr. Hodgson is an associate professor who teaches Greek drama; he’s particularly obsessed with the tragedies of Euripides – the more ritualistic violence the better.

Dr. Irving is an assistant professor who teaches later Roman history, and can turn any conversation into a debate about the early history of Christianity. His most recent book was titled “Coming Out Christian in the Roman World: How the Followers of Jesus Made a Place in Caesar's Empire.” * Despite Irving’s own Christian faith and his social justice outreach work with the campus Queer Interfaith club, Irving’s a bit of a chronological traditionalist when it comes to academic research, and tends to dismiss any literature written after Augustine.

Drs. Peddie and MacDonald are actually part of the History Department, but because they teach Medieval Latin, they’re considered honorary members of the classics faculty. (MacDonald teaches a wildly popular undergraduate seminar – cross-listed with Classics and History – called “Witches, Ghosts, and Potions: Medical Mysteries in Medieval Europe.”)

Dr. Blanky is the exception to the “we hate the Egyptologists” rule – Thomas gets along quite well with a certain Dr. Reid, both of whom have a passion for film studies, and together they’ve organized a weekly historical film series for the undergrads. Dr. Reid’s top picks are old-school classics like Cleopatra (1963) and Julius Caesar (1953); Blanky, on the other hand, is partial to Gladiator (2000). He’s also the exception to the “this department doesn’t socialize rule,” being, himself, a long-time best friend of department chair Dr. Crozier.

Classics Grad Students

Thomas Jopson is an older graduate student – he’s just a breath away from receiving his PhD: Dr. Crozier, who has been supervising his thesis on the systems of enslavement in the Roman Republic and the lived experiences of Roman slaves, is extremely proud of Thomas’s sensitive eye for historical evidence. Thomas also works for the campus mental health office, leading a therapy group for adult children of those suffering from addiction.

Billie Gibson, another grad student, is part-way through writing his dissertation on the reception of Greek ideas about homosexuality in the Victorian period, under the supervision of a confused but supportive Dr. Irving. (“Isn’t this more of a History department topic?”)

“Hickey” started the PhD program at the same time as Billie, and he’s begun writing his thesis on cannibalistic imagery in Greek poetry with Dr. Hodgson. Everyone just calls him Hickey, and Henry Peglar hasn’t been able to figure out his full name (or whether “Hickey” is a first name or a last name, or even whether “Hickey” is part of his real name at all) because no one ever updates the Classics department website. Hickey is part of a student organization called the Dionysians, but they’re not listed on the university’s roster of sanctioned clubs, and no one seems to know what it is that they do, exactly.

Henry Peglar is the newest member of the department, a first-year grad student. He’s planning on studying depictions of ancient history in modern fiction, hopefully with Dr. Blanky, who also happens to be his first-year advisor.

The Department of Egyptology

The Egyptology program at Barrow Hall has been having some hiring problems in recent years. Not only did several older professors retire, but the young Dr. Gore decided to move into museum-work full-time and Dr. Fairholme was ‘poached’ by the rival Egyptology program at another university. As a result, the Department of Egyptology has been under-staffed, with too many grad students and too few professors, resulting in two controversial recent faculty hires.

Egyptology Faculty

Dr. John is the department chair of the Egyptology program. He teaches ancient Egyptian literature and has a rather old-fashioned perspective on middle Egyptian grammar.

Dr. Reid teaches courses on the history of archaeological discoveries in Egypt, and the culture of artifact (mis-)handling by European excavators. He’s friendly with Dr. Blanky in the Classics program, and he lovingly crafts discussion questions for the film-showings that he and Blanky run. (He’ll never admit it, but he secretly loves the 1999 Mummy movie.)

Dr. Stanley teaches classes on ancient Egyptian medicine. He’s known for his severe grading policies and for his impressive ability to ruin the fun of topic that involves things like magic spells and fever-demons and having sex with crocodiles.

Dr. Fitzjames is one of the two new faculty members, a dashing archaeologist with an impressive résumé of excavation in Egypt – although, as Dr. Crozier has wryly observed, some of his funding sources for those digs haven’t always been completely above-board.

Dr. Le Vesconte is the other new faculty member, an associate professor with an equally flashy history of excavation and publication. Rumor is that he and Dr. Fitzjames once found a live cheetah in an Egyptian tomb and tried to keep it as the excavation’s mascot.

Egyptology Grad Students

Edmund “Eddie” Hoar is a senior doctoral candidate, working dedicatedly on a massive dissertation about Egyptian stamps and seals. He’s been working with Dr. John because his old advisor recently retired, and with Eddie’s advisor gone, Eddie’s pretty much the only person on campus who knows his way around the dusty archaeological collection in the basement of Barrow Hall.

John Bridgens has been with the program about as long as Eddie, but he’s closer to finishing his thesis, a sprawling dissertation on Egyptian poetry under Dr. John’s supervision.

Charles “Freddie” Des Voeux is part-way through writing a thesis on Napoleon’s excavations in Egypt; his advisor is Dr. Reid. (He’s also roommates with Eddie Hoar, and the two of them are known as “(Fr)eddie” in the grad student group chat.)

Harry Goodsir is a first-year PhD student, who entered the program at the same time Henry Peglar started in Classics; the two of them met at the university-wide graduate student orientation, and Harry encouraged Henry to take hieroglyphs, which Harry had learned himself while he was an undergraduate, while volunteering with his siblings at an Egyptian museum in their hometown. Harry’s interested in Egyptian archaeology, hoping to study with Dr. Fitzjames and Dr. Le Vesconte, but there was a paperwork mix-up that placed Dr. Stanley as Harry’s first-year advisor (Harry is unhappy about it; Dr. Stanley is even more unhappy about it).

Members of Associated Departments in Nearby Ross Hall (& Their Drama)

Dr. James C. Ross is the co-chair of the anthropology program and a dear friend of Dr. Crozier in classics. Though he does have a complicated legacy with the university – being a descendent of the famous (if problematic) explorer, Sir John Ross, for whom Ross Hall is named – Dr. James is well-liked by his students and forward-thinking about his discipline.

Ross’s co-chair, Dr. Silna Kamookak, thinks Ross could stand to apply his anthropology to real-world problems a bit more intensively. Dr. Kamookak is a rising star in applied archaeology and she publishes on issues of museum collection ethics and heritage management; the graduate seminar she teaches on Inuit oral history documentation is known to be one of the best courses in the department.

Dr. Jane Franklin is the chair of English Literature; her research interests revolve around the writings of Charles Dickens. All the students in Barrow Hall call her “Dr. Jane,” and call her husband “Dr. John,” because neither would agree to let the other be called “Dr. Franklin.” A memo was circulated. It was messy.

Dr. Sophia Cracroft is an assistant professor in the History of Science department, and a frequent collaborator with Dr. Crozier in an ongoing interdisciplinary project about ancient cartography; although Dr. Cracroft has often tried to get Dr. John Franklin to permit a collaboration with the Egyptology department, Dr. John has always refused. Cracroft’s grad students say that it’s because Dr. John heard something “unsavory” about the relationship between Dr. Cracroft and Dr. Crozier. None of the grad students know what this “unsavory” thing is, but gossip ranges from the vanilla (an affair) to the bizarre (a papyrus smuggling ring).

Other Details

Goldner’s is a purveyor of textbooks of dubious quality. For some reason, all of the introductory language classes in both the Classics and Egyptology departments are always assigned Goldner’s textbooks, much to the students’ and instructors’ displeasure.

* “Coming Out Christian in the Roman World: How the Followers of Jesus Made a Place in Caesar's Empire,” is a real book! (It was not, however, written by John Irving.) I had a fantastic time reading it a few years ago – go check it out.

#theterrorbingo #first square!#based on real life accounts #(only partly I swear)#henry peglar #john bridgens #thomas hartnell #henry collins #the terror #the terror amc #terrorposting #mummies cw

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a-queer-seminarian · 5 years

Note

do you have any advice for going into chaplaincy

Sure, anon! I made a brief post once about what chaplaincy’s “all about,” back when I was only just starting out my internship, but now that I’ve finished the internship I have a lot more to say.

I’d be grateful to anyone else who has experience with chaplaincy if they added their own comments to this post, too.

First things first, determining whether you are called to chaplaincy.

What is the source of your interest in this calling? Do you feel a sense of calling, and do you recognize gifts in yourself -- even if they are just “seeds” of gifts that still need to be developed -- that could make you a good chaplain? Will you enter chaplaincy with humility and compassion?

It’s totally okay not to know for sure whether you are called to chaplaincy when you start an internship program. You will be given tools and space to help you discern your calling along the way!

Still, you want to have some idea about what you’re getting into before starting. The following list will describe things that chaplaincy is not so that you know chaplaincy isn’t for you if you want to get into it just to, for instance, convert any non-Christians you meet.

Things that chaplaincy is not:

“Just” about administering to dying patients or their families. You work with patients in all different sorts of scenarios, of all ages and backgrounds! You’re also a chaplain to all of the hospital staff along with all the patients and their families.

“Just” for Christians. Chaplains themselves can be of any (or no!) faith background. At my hospital we had a Jewish resident and a few atheist/agnostic chaplains, as well as a variety of denominations represented in our cohort. And the patients we serve are from any faith background as well.

“Just” about praying with people or reading the Bible with them. You never know what kind of situations you’ll encounter and how you’ll be needed! As a chaplain your job is to “stand in the gaps” -- sometimes that means praying, yes, but sometimes it means taking care of a fussy baby so its parent can attend to their own needs; letting someone vent and complain to you; telling jokes with someone who needs a distraction or exploring deep traumas with them; advocating for a patient whose needs are not being met, either by hospital staff or family members; sitting quietly with a patient who can’t speak but wants company; helping mediate family arguments (or just getting stuck in the crossfire); waiting sleeplessly for a page when you’re on call; getting someone tissues or coffee/water or a chair or getting them a staff member who can help them use the bathroom; dealing with patients who want more meds or other things they can’t have, and just being with them in the muddy landscape of their pain and distress......

Heck, a lot of the time standing in the gaps means making super awkward, stilted small talk in which you try and fail to get to a deeper point of conversation, or standing awkwardly in a room full of grieving family members just waiting for the “gap” to appear in which you are needed...

Basically, there’s a lot of awkwardness. So much awkwardness. You gotta embrace that awkwardness and plow on through it as best you can.

“Just” being with patients/rounding hospital units /being on call. You’ve got to chart. everything. you do. So expect to have to learn how to use some sort of electronic recording system. You also have classes in which you learn more about chaplaincy, complete with assigned reading!

A chance to “save” people, to “win souls for Christ,” to convert or proselytize. Patients are in a position of extreme vulnerability; trying to convert them would be grossly inappropriate!

A chance to “teach” people your brand of theology, to impart your beliefs onto your patients. See the previous point. Your job is to determine what beliefs a person already has and how they might utilize those beliefs to keep themselves afloat. It doesn’t matter if you personally agree with their beliefs or not; as long as what they believe isn’t immediately harmful, you don’t sink the boat that’s keeping them floating in this time of crisis.

All about “fixing everything” for a patient. You’re probably not going to cause any miraculous healings, for one thing. You’re also probably not going to fix all the issues going on in the person’s life -- you can help alleviate their pain, but you didn’t “fail” just because you leave their room without magically making all their problems go away.

Chaplaincy is much more about being a listening presence for a patient than being a direct instructor for them -- most visits will be much more fruitful if you just hear out what they’re going through, instead of constantly jumping in with “sage advice” about how they can “fix it.” Here’s a quote about fixing pain. This lil comic is a great illustrator of how just listening is often the greatest help to someone. So is this one.

Next topic: have as few other obligations as possible while doing your internship or residency!

One of my fellow interns worked a full-time job while doing his 25 weekly hours of chaplaincy; and another one of them was also working at a counseling center.....I have no clue how either of them did it. It was hard enough for me to have just two seminary classes on top of the internship. Chaplaincy takes so much energy, even if you do your internship during a fall or spring term in which it’s only 25 hours a week (in summer it’s 40).

As to actually enrolling in chaplaincy:

Check out the ACPE website, particularly their page for potential students. (This is assuming you’re in the United States, otherwise I bet there’s a different organization in your country.) ACPE is the organization that sets up folks who are interested in chaplaincy with hospitals (or VAs, hospice centers, etc.) for CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) programs.

Here’s the ACPE page that tells you what’s expected of you as a CPE intern/resident. One thing to know is that interns don’t get paid and their term lasts a few months, while residents get paid (maybe like $35,000 for the year?) and their term lasts the whole year. I’m pretty sure you have to intern at least one term before you can be a resident, but I could be wrong.

Being in seminary was really helpful for me, because my seminary has connections at all the hospitals that have CPE programs around Louisville. I just had to talk to my field ed office and pick a hospital (I chose Norton and really enjoyed my internship there). I honestly don’t know how I would have picked a hospital if I hadn’t had classmates who’d already done internships to talk to. I’m sure there are resources on the ACPE site for help with that. Stuff to consider when picking a CPE program is whether you want to work primarily in high trauma situations or low trauma, how much on-call you’re willing to do, whether you want to work with children or adults or hospice or so on...

Other tips once you’re in the CPE program, or whatever first steps into chaplaincy your country does:

Listen, listen, listen. Everyone has so much wisdom for you to soak up: the residents who have done at least one term of chaplaincy; the staff chaplains and supervisors who have tons of experience under their belt; the nurses and patient care assistance and security guards and all other hospital staff you engage with; and the patients.

Your relationship with patients should be one of reciprocity -- don’t enter their room thinking you’ve got all the answers and they’re some sort of sponge ready to soak up all the wisdom and knowledge you’re gonna feed them. Respect that patients often know what’s best for them, that they have beliefs already that can help them through this time; often your task is to gently guide them towards recognizing those resources within themselves.

Make friends with the hospital staff!! If I ever do a residency, one of my goals will be to connect more with nurses and PCAs (the assistants) and security. Nurses and PCAs are a godsend, let me tell you.

Anyone have more advice or comments for anon?

#cpe #chaplaincy #suggestion request #long post #Anonymous

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kpopnstuff1 · 5 years

Text

Unrequited Love PT3

AN: Hope you find this Namjoon x Reader fic intresting. I worked hard on this and I hope you like it. Sorry if there are mistakes. Please send feedback and or requests. BORAHAE <3 <3 <3 <3

read PT1 PT2 PT4 PT5 PT6 PT7 PT8 Finale

Things had been a little awkward at first. You had moved in with Namjoon into his condo in the middle of Seoul. Namjoon was never home. He only showed up when you had certain events that needed you to leave together. He would also show up when his parents were in town. He always loved putting on a show for them. Being a housewife made you feel sluggish so you decided to pick up dancing. You had always loved dancing, but you had never actually pursued it. Namjoon had forbid you to go to a dance class with what he considered common people. So you decided to hire a private instructor. You were sitting in the studio that you had built in. “Mrs. Kim you instructor is here.” “You can let him in.” “Ah, Y/N it’s nice seeing you again.” “Thank you Andre for coming.” You said as you hugged your instructor. He had been your cousin’s dance instructor. You noticed a handsome man standing next to Andre. “Y/N, this is Mr. Park Jimin.” “Nice to meet you, Mr. Park.” You looked at Andre a bit confused. “You see Y/N. I’m actually not going to be able to be your instructor. I have a family emergency and I need to go back home. But I can assure you that Mr. Park is Just as good as me. Even better I would say. “I hope that is not going to be a problem Y/N, I mean Mrs. Kim.” “Don’t worry, you can call me Y/N. I don’t think it will be a problem. I will miss you though.” You turned to Andre. “Don’t worry Y/N. I will come and visit you, I promise.”Once Andre had left you got to know each other before you started dancing.

It had been about a year after your wedding and honestly you did not notice. Life was a bit more hectic since Namjoon decided to actually move in from his other apartment. He was beginning to think that some of his investors were getting suspicious about your marriage. He had become unbearable. He would come home drunk and try to pick fights. You knew he when he was angry because he would send the staff home before he started acting out. He never got physical with you, but he would verbally take out his anger on you. He would try to have sex with you on those drunken nights so you started locking the door to your room. He would pound on your door all night until he fell asleep in the hall. Sometimes you would wake up before him and you felt bad for leaving him on the floor, but he deserved it. You were not going to show him any kind of remorse.

Last night had been one of those drunken nights, the only difference was that you had fallen asleep with your door unlocked before Namjoon had come home. He tried to start things with you but you ended up sleeping in your bathroom. When you woke up you showered and changed. Thankfully your bathroom and closet were connected. You tried to quickly leave your room without waking Namjoon up, you failed. “Where are you going?” “Out.” You walked out ignoring whatever he had to say.

Things between Jimin and you had changed over the past couple weeks. You had always been attracted to him. How could you not? He was the total opposite from the man you had at home. About 2 months into your dance lessons you had confessed the lie you were living. Jimin had been understanding and he didn’t judge you, which only made you feel more attraction towards him. Now you two were dating and you had never felt happier. You were on your way to Jimin’s cabin to spend the day. He had texted you the address the night before. You loved spending time with him but it was hard being married to Namjoon and not be followed by the occasional paparazzi. They were always interested in his life. You arrived at the cabin around noon, you would have gotten there sooner but you were going around in circles making sure no one was following you.

“Baby! You made it safe and sound.” Jimin yelled across the driveway. You ran up to him and he pulled you into a big hug snuggling your face in his chest. “I missed you Jimin.” he gave you a kiss on your forehead. “I missed you too baby.” he said between kisses.

You walked inside to the most wonderful sightS he had cooked you dinner and you had just finished watching a movie.

“Do you have to go baby?” Jimin whined as you gathered your stuff to leave. “I do love, I have to go to this gala dinner with Namjoon. Trust me if I could stay I would do it in a heartbeat.” He pulled you into one last kiss. Suddenly a knock on the door pulled you out of it. “Are you waiting for someone?” you asked confused. Jimin quickly got up and looked through the window by the door. “There’s a silver audi outside.” “oh, no. Its Namjoon. Don’t open. Wait but how does he know i’m here?” The pounding became more impatient. “Y/N I know you’re in there! Open the fucking door.” Jimin lost it and opened the door “Don’t speak to her like that!” Namjoon quickly shoved jimin inside and locked the door. “Can you explain this shit to me!” Namjoon screamed.

Namjoon POV

I was sitting at home with a killer hangover when Teresa my secretary called me. “Mr. Kim, you might want to check dispatch. It is really bad. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you. But there are pictures of your wife.” I hung up on her before she could finish. I quickly went on the dispatch website. Right on the front page was a picture of Y/N. she was getting out of a car. I clicked on the next picture and it was a school picture of a man named Park Jimin. I felt my skin start to boil. How could she be so stupid. I told her not to get caught with anyone else! But if I had to be honest with myself, that wasn’t what was bothering me. After what had happened on our honeymoon I couldn’t stop thinking of Y/N. I wanted to start something more, but after that day I was not going to let myself get rejected again. I grabbed my phone and called the person in charge of dispatch. “Hello, hi this is Mr. Kim Namjoon. Name your price to take down the pictures of my wife.” They were quick to name the price. They acted quickly and removed the article. Thankfully only a couple thousand people had seen it. There wasn’t much incriminating shots so the PR team could make something up. I got the directions for the location Y/N was. I didn’t think twice before going to my car.

NPOV

Namjoon’s face was bright red. He had thrown his cell at you and you were now reading the screenshots. Dispatch had taken a picture of you outside of the cabin. Thankfully They had only uploaded the pictures of him hugging you and you getting out of the car. “I swear, I was trying to be careful. I went in so many circles. I thought no one followed me here.” Namjoon completely ignored you. He was focusing on Jimin. “Who the fuck are you. And why are you with my wife?” You stepped in front of Jimin. “It’s okay Namjoon. You don’t have to pretend to be jealous. Jimin knows the truth about us.” That was the last thing Namjoon needed. He pushed you aside making you fall to the ground. He grabbed Jimin by the collar and slammed him on the couch. Namjoon gave Jimin one hard punch to the jaw. Jimin shot up quickly running to your side. “Are you okay baby?” he said as he helped you up. “Don’t call her that. She is my wife. And from now on you will leave her alone. Whatever this shit is, it has to stop. For all of our sakes. Y/N, get your things we are leaving.” You grabbed your coat and frowned at Jimin. “I’m sorry love, I have to go.”Jimin grabbed you arm. “Please don’t leave. You don’t have to do this. Please stay with me. Let’s go away and never come back.” You got loose from his grip. “I’m sorry Jimin, you know I do this for my family. And no matter how much I love you I can’t let them down.” You walked out, not wanting to look Jimin in the eyes.

The car ride home was an awkward one. You didn’t want to act out or ask why he had done everything. You stayed quiet and once you pulled up to the parking garage you were anxious to get out of the car. “Look, It looks like you and this Jimin guy like each other, But you need to stop seeing him. He is not good for you or your family. What would people say about you if this gets any bigger.” You sighed. “You mean, what will people say about you and your family. Look Namjoon, don’t pretend to care about me. It only makes me HATE you that much more.” Your harsh words cut through him like butter. Before he could stop himself his hand was already on your cheek. Your face stung like a million little ants biting on your cheek. He saw the fear in your eyes and began to reach for you thigh. “ I’m sorry Y/N!” “Save it, I knew you were a monster but I didn’t think you would ever lay a hand on me.” A tear fell from your eyes. “Give me the keys, I want to go to bed.” He let go of the keys and you walked away. Once you were far enough Namjoon let himself cry. A much needed scream slipped his lips. He was pounding his fists on the steering wheel when he heard a knock on the glass. He looked up expecting to see you, but instead his eyes were met with Jimin’s.

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prorevenge · 6 years

Text

Screw with my grade? Have fun dealing with an investigation from the dean's office.

Buckle in, because this is a long read, but the end is worth it.

Last semester I took an online only ECON-101 class to fulfill one of the requirements of my associates degree. I chose economics because it sounded more interesting than the other options - big mistake. This teacher, let's call him Professor Y., does absolutely no teaching online, takes forever to answer questions, and doesn't really seem to care about actually helping us learn. There was a website, called MyEconLab, which is where homework, quizzes, and tests were taken. Other than that, there were also weekly discussion boards to engage with our peers.

Now I'm not going to lie, I didn't deserve an A for this class, or even a B. I missed some assignments and didn't do so well on others. However, I thought that I earned a C. I got sick in the middle of the semester and missed some assignments, which was totally my fault. I noticed that I was now in danger of getting a D for the class, which wouldn't be good at all. I looked at the syllabus, which was littered with typos and was generally very confusing. I found a passage that says that the final was worth 100 points, and at this point in the class we only had 255 total. It seemed to be worth a big chunk of points. There was also a term paper assigned, which was also worth 100 points.

I focused more on the final than I did the term paper, because I'm better at multiple choice than I am papers. I received an 83% on the final, and I was satisfied that I would scrape by with a C.

The class ended on December 15th, and the final was not added to my gradebook. I thought that it was a little weird, but I didn't think anything of it. The professor had been taking a long time all semester to grade assignments. I checked every couple of days to see what my final grade was, and on January 10th, I was assigned a D. I checked my gradebook and saw that I got a 67% on the term paper, which is around what I expected. However, my final was nowhere to be found. In addition, the only assignment that referenced the MyEconLab website had not been updated since November 6th. Remember, the class ended on December 15th, so there was almost a month of assignments that weren't counting towards my grade.

Thinking that there must be some mistake, I sent my professor an email.

Hello Professor,

I checked my grade on webadvisor and it says that I have a D. I logged into blackboard and it says I have a 67%, but that doesn't appear to be taking into account the grade I received for my final exam, as well as some of the other MyEconLab assignments.

In addition, I'm having a hard time understanding your grading rubric, so any clarifications you can offer there would be most appreciated.

Thank you,

Ceryliae

I did not hear back from my professor for 48 hours. At this point, I called the Dean that oversaw Humanities, Arts & Social Sciences. I explained my situation to her, and she said that she would call my professor, and that there was a chance that it was just a mistake. The next day I received an email back from my professor

HELLO STUDENT, HERE IS A SUMMARY OF YOUR GRADE TO DATE. IT LOOKS LIKE YOU MISSED (2) CRITICAL DISCUSSION BOARDS WHICH AFFECTED YOUR GRADE SIGNIFICANTLY. PLEASE REVIEW THE COMMENTS I MADE IN BLACKBOARD REGARDING YOUR TERM PROJECT. IF NEEDED WE CAN MEET TO DISCUSS YOUR GRADE FURTHER.

Yes, it was really in all caps. Below that my professor had included my gradebook, which I already saw. That was the whole reason I was getting in touch with him. My professor didn't actually answer any of my questions. So I wrote him back.

Hello Professor, I appreciate your reply, however this doesn't answer my questions. Where is my final? What about my MyEconLab assignments from the last couple weeks of class?

Ceryliae

He replied

Ceyliae (he misspelled my name), please watch your tone. Your final is located in myeconlab, as mentioned in the syllabus if you reviewed it here is a breakdown of how the grades are calculated. Course Assignments and point distribution approximations:

(3) Chapter Mid-Term Exams (MyEcon lab) = 45 %

(1) Final Exam (MyEcon lab) = 25%

(16) Chapter Quizzes (MyEcon lab = 15%

(1) Term Project (Written) = 100 (points)

(10) Chapter H/W/Video Assn. MyEcon lab = + 15%

(6) Chapter Discussion Forums = 120 (points)

Total Points 100% weighted (plus 220 points)

Underneath that, he included the gradebook from MyEconLab. Which I already had. The grade breakdown that he included in this email was already located in the syllabus, which I read. I'm not sure about you guys, but this is very confusing to read and its actually impossible to calculate your grade from this. Once again, he failed to answer my questions. Not only that, he also asked me to watch my tone? I've been nothing but respectful. Also, he implied that I haven't read his dumpster fire of a syllabus, which I have.

My reply to him was

Professor,

I apologize if I come off as rude, it's not my intention. I'm just very confused. The only assignment on blackboard that is labeled as MyEconLab says that it is for weeks 1 through 11, and was last updated on November 6th. How does that include my final exam grade, which was taken on December 15th. Additionally, how can something that was updated on November 6th include all of my assignments for November 7th through the end of the semester?

Also, I did read the syllabus, and I spent quite a while trying to work out how the point distribution is calculated. I wasn't able to figure it out, which is why I asked for some clarification. I'm sorry if asking for clarification came off as being disrespectful.

I wait four days without a reply, and then I called the Dean again. I told her that I didn't feel like this was a mistake, and that I didn't think this was going to be resolved between the professor and me. She told me she would look into it further, and that she's been following our email conversation, but she didn't have my last email to him, which I forwarded in her direction.

Shortly after my phone call with the dean, my professor emailed me back.

Ok, 1st the points in MyEcon Lab are calculated within the My econ lab system based on the weighted point allotment for the particular assignment. This is why I sent you a copy of the syllabus which expresses all assignments in Myecon lab as a weighted %. Hence, the 92% for example on the final, is weighted with all other exam grades, which represented 70% of the Myecon grade.

Secondly, the Big reason, respectfully, your grade was lower than anticipated was based on the (2) discussion boards you missed in my opinion, with those 2 scores you would have been above a 70%.

All I can say is, we can sit down in Spring 2018, during office hours, and I can explain the grading criteria, as I have designed it based on student work within Myecon lab and Blackboard.

You did miss (2) discussion Board Correct? I just ask this to make sure this point clarification is correct.

Again, email me after February 12th, 2018 when I return from Winter Break and we can over your grade scores again.

Thanks Sincerely;

Professor Y.

So now finally I've gotten an answer on one of my questions. He says that he is calculating my grade by reducing all of the assignments that were done on MyEconLab down to a 100 point assignment based on the weighted percentages in the syllabus. This is ridiculous because there are 355 points in total for the class, so reducing all that work down to 100 points means it's all worth very little. The final ended up being only worth 7% of my grade. I replied back to him:

Professor Y.,

I appreciate your efforts to clarify your grading policy, however I am even more confused than before. If I'm understanding you correctly, it sounds like you're saying that every single assignment for MyEconLab is weighted according to the percentages on page three of your syllabus. Then those points are counted as part of the "MyEconLab (Weeks 1-11)" assignment, which is worth one hundred points.

This contradicts what your syllabus says on page five:

"Exams: there will be 4 exams over the course of the semester, (3) Midterm and (1) Final. These exams are a combination of multiple choice, matching, ordering, and essays. Each Exam is worth 100 points, and the exams are each worth 45% of your overall grade.

Research Paper: you will submit an 8-10 page research paper on a topic approved by the instructor. A separate handout will be distributed to students with details on formatting this assignment. The research paper is worth 20% of your overall grade and is 100 points. Document Requirements Page Located in Blackboard (Term Project Requirements)." (Emphasis mine)

This seems to contradict what you've stated about the final and midterm exams only being included in the MyEconLab assignment on blackboard. Towards the end of the semester, after I missed the two discussion boards, I realized that I might end up with a D in your class. I consulted your syllabus to see what points were remaining, and found the passages from page five that I quoted above. It seemed to me that the final exam was worth quite a big chunk of points, and I was relying on that to bolster my grade. At the end of last semester I was incredibly busy with other classes, performances, work, and illnesses. I believe you are aware of my illnesses, because you denied my request for an extension on the term paper. For these reasons, I had a limited amount of time to devote to studying. If I had known that in reality, the final was only worth 7% of my overall grade, I would have budgeted my time differently. Instead of studying so much for the final, I would have put more time into my term paper, which seemed to be worth less points.

You keep asking me to reference your syllabus, and in a previous email, you stated that if I had read your syllabus, I would not have questions about my grade. However, your syllabus seems to contradict itself in several places. I saw the quoted passage on page five, and assumed that it was correct. Was I incorrect to rely on your syllabus to guide me in how to approach your class?

Furthermore, I have asked a direct question in three separate emails, and I have not received a direct answer:

There are several assignments which were turned in after November 6th at 2:34 PM, this includes three chapter quizzes as well as my final exam. How are these assignments included in my overall grade, if the MyEconLab assignment was last updated on November 6th at 2:34 PM?

I would appreciate an answer, because it doesn't feel fair to me to receive a grade without all of my work being included in my grade. MyEconLab says that I spent over 4 hours working on assignments that were turned in after November 6th at 2:34 PM. Was that all for nothing?

I am sorry to keep bothering you during the winter break, however this is a time sensitive matter for me, as I receive a hefty discount on my car insurance for maintaining a 3.0 GPA. For that reason, I would like to resolve this as soon as possible.

Please be aware that I have CC'd the dean to this conversation.

Thank you very much, Ceryliae

The professor emailed me back the next day:

Well, I will address these issues within the next 4 weeks with you when we Meet. Again, did you miss (2) discussion Boards?

I am aware you have spoken with my Dean, and Chairman, however, this does not change my position or your grade until further review.

I will be back in the office starting February 13th, 2018 and we can revisit these issues 1 by 1.

Please just reply back for my records if you missed (2) Discussion boards or you can defer until we meet and I will use what I have in blackboard as my answer.

Please, no more emails until we meet, to keep perceptions and frustrations to a minimum.

Thanks.

So not only is he refusing to answer my questions, he also asked me a question about the discussion boards I missed, which I actually answered in the previous email. That means he didn't really read my assignment. Additionally, I can't really afford to wait 4 weeks to resolve this situation as my car insurance will literally go up hundreds of dollars.

I email him back:

Professor Y.,

I am disappointed that you are unwilling to answer my simple questions about my grade at this time, because this situation is very time sensitive for me.

As I stated in my previous email, yes, I did miss those two discussion boards.

I appreciate your offer to meet with me once the spring semester begins, however I don't think it is in my best interest to meet with you alone. I am uncomfortable meeting with you without the dean in attendance.

Thank you, Ceryliae

The next day I hear back from him with this short email:

Grade was changed to a C.

Best Success.

So now I've gotten what I was trying to get a week earlier. However, I'm not satisfied. So I call the dean and tell her that since I've been given the C I'm dropping the matter. However, I still think that Professor Y. should be investigated for how he grades assignments, as well as the confusing nature of his syllabus. She tells me that she is already investigating, and then asks me to put all this in an email to her so that she has a written account. She also tells me that she was calculating my grade and she thought I earned a C. She also didn't think that I had any issues with my tone, and said that I was nothing but respectful.

Here is that email:

Hello Dr. E.,

Professor Y. informed me that he was changing my grade to a C. For this reason, I would like to put this matter to rest. However, there are still some lingering concerns that I feel should be addressed going forward.

It still appears to me that not all of my assignments were calculated into my grade, due to the MyEconLab assignment on blackboard last being updated on November 6th, and the class ending on December 15th.

The syllabus has many inconsistencies as well as flat out missing quite a bit of information. Page three has the grading breakdown and mixes points and percentages, which makes it very confusing. Furthermore, the grading breakdown is contrary to what it stated on page 5:

Along the same lines, there are typos littered throughout the syllabus, including stating that the four exams are each worth 45% of your overall grade, which adds up to 180%. If the Syllabus for Econ-101 is confusing, there is a good chance that his other classes are equally confusing. How many students have not had the confidence to come forward after they were misled or confused by Professor Y's syllabus? I have attached all three revisions of Professor Y's syllabus to this email.

You have been exceedingly helpful with this matter, and I appreciate all the help you've given me.

Thank you,

Ceryliae

So now the professor is under investigation for how he grades assignments as well as his syllabuses. None of this would have happened if he had assigned me the grade I earned.

TL;DR Professor screws me over with my grade. I get the dean involved and my grade is changed to a C. Not satisfied, I also get him investigated by the dean's office.

(source) (story by Ceryliae)

#pro revenge #by Ceryliae #prorevenge #pro revenge stories #revenge #revenge stories

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shelleyseale · 5 years

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12 Days of Giving: The Gift of Passion

This is the seventh in our special “12 Days of Giving” series running for the holiday season. It’s a little different from what you might think of as traditional presents or giving. We aren’t really talking about stuff you buy or a gift list. Rather, on these 12 days, we will be talking about different gifts that you can give to yourself, or others — those that have a deeper meaning, that can help you live with intention, be happier, be healthier. Soul gifts, you might even call them. Join us on the journey. Passion is what drives us as human beings, what makes things desirable and worthwhile. It's why we fall in love, why we pursue a certain profession or talent, why we take up causes, why we explore the world. The dictionary defines passion as a "strong and barely controllable emotion." So how do you find your passion? How do you develop it, and gift it to yourself or others? While that can be a tricky and complex question, there are a few different schools of thought about passion. First of all, there are certain things in life that you just know you're passionate about, that you probably always have been for about as long as you can remember. Things that you can't imagine not doing or not having in your life. For example, for me some of those things are: reading, writing, animals and travel. They've always been a part of me, and I wouldn't really be me without them. "Nothing great in the world has ever been accomplished without passion." ~Georg Hegel

Image by Freepik So part of giving yourself the gift of passion, is giving yourself the room in your life for those things you are passionate about. Making sure they are a part of your life in some capacity. When it comes to animals, I've almost always had pets (and have a dog right now, Selma). But I also volunteer and foster quite a bit for several animal rescue organizations (I have a foster dog right now), I dog-sit regularly for other people, and I often incorporate animal/wildlife activities in my travel. Bingo! Hitting two passions with one stone! I make travel a priority — I forego a lot of other things that people spend money on like new car payments, expensive haircuts, new furniture or extensive wardrobes in order to put money back to fund my travel. I read books like they're going out of style, and as far as writing — well, I built an entire career around it. Which brings me to one of the differing opinions about the idea of "following your passion" as your work livelihood.

Should you build a career around your passion?

Personally, I think there's no right or wrong answer to this question. Many people, myself included, do exactly that and because of it, lead incredibly happy and fulfilled lives. Not feeling like they are working at a job they don't really like, or merely tolerate, or even like but don't love. In short, a job. Instead, we feel like we aren't really "working" the way other people define it, so to speak, because we get to do what we love every day for our living. For people like us, we also generally can't imagine not doing our passion work, or doing anything else. This defines me as a writer; and I have many friends and acquaintances who fall into this category as musicians, people who founded nonprofits around a cause they are passionate about, people who started up entrepreneurial ventures, and many more.

Image by Rawpixel on Unsplash But this isn't always the best route or piece of advice for everyone. Take this article in The Atlantic, for instance. Carol Dweck, a psychology professor at Stanford University, thinks that advising people to follow their passion in work is steering people wrong. That it can lead them to think that if they don't experience an overwhelming sense of emotion about the work they're doing, or if you in fact do anything that feels like work, you are in the wrong career. Personally, I can say that these two beliefs are misguided, even if you are following your passion in your work. While overall my work is my passion and I wouldn't want to do anything else, it most certainly does feel like work many times; there are many days or projects where I just plain don't feel like doing it; and I often decidedly do not feel an overwhelming sense of emotion (at least, not positive emotion) about what I'm doing at that time. That's just life, in my opinion. Dweck and two other college professors conducted a study on this, and now argue that passions aren't found — they're developed. For example, you may not have ever known that you were passionate about a certain subject, until perhaps you attend a class or a lecture or have a conversation with someone who knows a lot about it, and find yourself thinking it is incredibly interesting and fascinating. To the extent that you delve into it and become passionate about it. I do think that this happens to us a lot throughout life; I've gotten much more passionate about cooking in the past decade or so (though I would never want to make that my career), and I didn't really develop a passion for travel until I was gifted a month-long European trip as a high school graduation presents (thanks Mom and Dad!) When it comes to making a passion your life's work, I think it depends on A) What kind of person you are; B) what the passion is; and C) what else you are good at or passionate about. Like I said, I'm very passionate about food and cooking, and it's something that I enjoy immensely. But I would never want to work in that field; I think it would quickly kill my love for it. Some passions are better off left as hobbies or side interests. To give you another example, my partner Keith loves scuba diving. He's been certified for a long time and he goes on dive trips frequently (he has one coming up in less than two weeks), or goes diving while he's on other travels. He even got me into diving to a certain extent; although it's not a passion for me like it is for him, I've done those "introductory" dive sessions in Nicaragua and in Australia and had a blast. At one point, Keith even considered becoming a dive instructor or leading people on dive trips. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized that to make an activity that he enjoyed so much into a job, he believed that he would lose the joy he got from it, just as a diver.

Cultivating your passion

In his book So Good They Can’t Ignore You, author Cal Newport writes, "There’s little evidence that most people have pre-existing passions waiting to be discovered, and believing that there’s a magical right job lurking out there can often lead to chronic unhappiness and confusion when the reality of the working world fails to match this dream." Newport's main point is that you don’t have to discover your dream job, you create your dream job. In this article on Medium, Rey HS shares some good advice from Newport and others about how to cultivate your passion into a dream job. Maria Forleo, that I follow and love to read, has another take on passion. Writing for Oprah Magazine, Forleo says that the problem with trying to find our passion is that we think about it and analyze it too much; in short, we're using our heads, when passion lies in our hearts. Here are a few other great articles and resources on cultivating your passion: Gretchen Rubin, one of my favorite inspiring people to follow and author of the fantastic book, The Happiness Project, wrote this article in Forbes. The website Positively Present also has a good story on the topic, that was part of the Random Acts of Kindness Kick Arse group. Take the Passion Profile Quiz at Clarity on Fire, a coaching and inspirational website. Eight ways to find the true passion in life that has eluded you is the topic of this story at The Telegraph.

Photo by Jenna Anderson on Unsplash

You don't have to be good at your passion — just do it!

I had to throw this in there because I think it's important. Like I said at the beginning of this story, we all have passions, big and small. Some of them could possibly fuel our entire career, while others make up a piece of our life that makes it that much more enjoyable. That is cooking and caring for animals, for me; while my passion for writing is my life's work. But believe me, I'm no great chef. I'm a pretty good cook, so don't think I'm belittling myself. I would say I'm above average, even. But it would terrify me to compete on a cooking show, even one like Master Chef that is geared towards non-professional home cooks. And there's no way I am good enough to cook in any restaurant. Could I get that way if I cultivated and developed that passion because I really wanted to? Yes, probably. But I don't want to. I want to keep my cooking as an enjoyable hobby, and I don't have to be James Beard material to do that. Let's look at other potential passions someone might have: dancing, or athletics, or painting. You don't have to necessarily be great at any of these things to make sure they're incorporated into your life. If you are truly passionate about something, it must be a part of your life. There are plenty of places around that have dance classes, whether formal studios or even clubs and live music venues, like White Horse in my Austin neighborhood, that offer regular dance lessons (often times even for free). For someone who loves to dance, that could be a fantastically fun thing to incorporate into your life. Maria Forleo's article is an example of just how she approached this with dance. Or joining a local soccer, swim or volleyball team, if sports is your thing. Take an art class, or get together a group of like-minded friends who want to meet once a week or once a month at someone's house to paint, drink wine, and enjoy each other's company. Or just go buy your own art supplies and make a commitment to yourself, to give yourself the time each week to immerse yourself in that passion. Don't let fear of not being the best at something, hold you back from doing it.

Above all, make sure your passions are part of your life!

Read the full article

#12DaysofGiving #cultivatingpassion #dowhatyoulove #findyourpassion #passion

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inyournightmares97 · 6 years

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I’m so sorry, anon, I accidentally deleted your ask!! But the request was essentially for a fluffy college au with Mark where they start off friends and realize they’ve been dating all along because one of them gets jealous. Here you go!

Masterlist

FriendstoLovers!au Mark

It all started, as everything in the universe inevitably does, with Jackson Wang.

You’d met Jackson in one of your classes, only because he’d been sitting in front of you you and talking so loudly that you had to tell him to shut up at least twice a day. But he simply grinned at you, never minding your nagging. It was hard to stay mad at such an energetic person.

Until one day, Jackson randomly invited you to hang out with his friends because the weather was nice and they were all apparently going to the river. You couldn’t really afford to say no. You were new to the city and had no friends beside your roommate and a few girls you talked to in one class. So you went to the river and found that Jackson and his buddies were having a picnic.

And they were good-looking. Every single one of them. Wow.

It was going rather well and you were chatting with them and having fun teasing Jackson about how he always wore snapbacks and could he please take them off in class so you could actually see the whiteboard? At which Jinyoung smiles evilly and says you should just steal it from him and watch him panic.

So you snatch the snapback off Jackson’s head and hold it up in the air gleefully, enjoying the sight of him trying to smooth down his hat hair while failing to get it back from you.

Until a strong gust of wind blows past and sudddenly the hat isn’t in your hands anymore. It’s floating face-down in the Han River and you run to the edge of the bridge and look down at it, while Jackson laughs.

“That was Mark’s hat! I borrowed it from him today!” he laughs gleefully.

And you freeze, horrified. Mark is literally the only person in the group who’s been sitting stone-faced all evening and hasn’t said a word to you. You were already kind of scared of him to begin with and now you’re positive that he’ll kill you because you dropped his hat in the river.

Except Mark only throws his head back and laughs, a wide gummy, happy child-like laugh that you never imagined could come from such a serious-looking guy. So he’s laughing, you’re laughing and suddenly everyone’s laughing.

And you’re relieved that you narrowly escaped death.

But of course, you buy him a new hat. In fact, you both go out shopping together over the weekend and end up having a blast because you try on all sorts of stupid shit that even Bambam wouldn’t be caught dead wearing. The mall you go to has a gaming arcade, and Mark is a whiz at air hockey and neither of you are allowed to leave until you’ve beat him at least once. Which takes a full two hours and even then, you’re sure he just threw the game because he was hungry and wanted pizza.

By the time night falls, you’re laughing and joking around and wondering who ever told you that Mark was quiet and shy because sure, he doesn’t say as much as Jackson but every word that comes out of his mouth is gold. Not to mention that he has a really cute smile.

And amongst all the fun you had at the mall, you guys forgot to buy the hat.

So you went back again. Obviously.

You hardly realize when you both start hanging out so much. Jackson starts getting anmoyed because you and Mark team up against him all the time, and he can’t deal with both of you at once. So he starts bringing his new girlfriend whenever he meets up with you guys.

Except Jackson’s girlfriend only really wants to go to romantic places like fancy restaurants and the amusement parks. Inevitably, you and Mark end up tagging along. You make fun of the multiple pieces of tiny cultery and see who can balance them on their glass the longest while Jackson and his girlfriend drink wine and eat dinner under candlelight.

And while Jackson and his girlfriend are snooching at the top of the Ferris wheel, you and Mark are screaming your lungs off at the roller coaster and hoping you don’t die.

It’s sort of like a double date but sort of… not.

You’re pretty helpless at this point, and you’re wondering if you should have said something sooner. Because now you’ve fallen hard for this quiet, adorable man who always has a smile for you and who gets crazy excited about the randomest things and loves dogs…

But you’re so far into the friendzone that you wouldn’t even know how to bring it up. Like you could go up to Mark and say “I love you,” and he would probably just ruffle your hair and laugh and say “I love you too.”

Which would be really pathetic. So you keep your mouth shut.

Then one day Mark sends you this link to the website of this place which lets people skydive. You’re horrified at first but he gives you an excited smile and says it sounds like so much fun. Besides, Jackson would never agree to come along because of his ‘weak heart’. Mark is giving you his puppy dog eyes and he tells you that you’re the only person he knows who would do something like this with him.

So you agree.

Of course you do. You’re in love with him. You would hand over your kidney if he asked.

So you guys drive out to the countryside and rock out to some music along the way in the hope that it might calm your nerves. When you both arrive, there’s a really buff instructor who hands you the gear and starts telling you about all the safety instructions. You simply stare at the man in shock because this is scarier than it seems. You’re not even sure if you want to do this anymore. Is Mark worth risking your life for?

“Are you okay, little lady?” the instructor asks you with a smile.

You gape at him and nod. “Uh-uh.”

The instructor laughs and glances at Mark while saying something along the lines of, “Your girlfriend’s really cute, man.”

Mark presses his lips together and looks anmoyed, but you don’t notice. You’re too terrified for your life to notice the instructor helping you with your equipment and subtlely putting his arms around you while he adjusts the gear and the buckles. Mark is watching, though, and he doesn’t look happy. He’s even more annoyed when he finds out that same instructor is going to be accompanying you on the dive.

“Can’t she and I go together?” Mark asks one of the other employees. The employee merely raises an eyebrow.

“Are you a licensed skydiving instructor? I don’t think so.”

You tremble as you all get into the helicopter and it starts going up. Mark sees the look of panic on your face and he agrees to go first. He looks nervous and you assume that he’s scared too, he is about to leap off a helicopter.

Except when he’s just about to jump off and he suddenly turns and looks at you. You’re staring at him, wondering why he isn’t jumping when he suddenly yells,

“If we both manage to get through this then be my girlfriend once we land!”

You’re flattered, really. And happy and relieved but you’re also terrified because you have to jump into thin air in a few moments.

“Are you kidding? If we get out of this alive, I’ll marry you!”

So Mark smiles his sheepish grin and turns to jump off. And then it’s your turn. It feels like your organs have turned inside out and you scream until your voice is hoarse. When you land, you’re feeling kind of light-headed and you know what Jackson means when he says his heart is too weak for these things.

But Mark is grinning widely and waiting for you, laughing as you stumble across the frass towards him on shaky legs.

“Hi,” you mumble.

He laughs and wraps his arms around you and you suddenly feel better and more stable in his warm grasp. He looks down at you with a happy smile and his eyes are shining as he smooths down your hair and strokes your cheek.

“Hi,” he replies with a chuckle.

You clear your throat. “So I guess we’re getting married now, huh?”

“Probably wouldn’t be as scary as this just was.”

At which point you realize that you adore this man and so you stand on your tiptoes and kiss him. But the stress of the day proves to be too much for your weak heart so seconds after your lips touch his, your legs give out underneath you.

So you’re just sitting there in a melted lump on the grass while Mark laughs at you.

Nice.

#got7 #got7 drabbles #mark #mark scenario #got7 scenario #got7 fluff

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keichanz · 6 years

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Soulmates AU

Because I’m too lazy and tired to think up a title right now.

For the anon who requested prompt number 1 from this post.

Edit: Holy fucking shit there are so many errors and typos please ignore them until I get around to fixing them lmao

Kagome stared down in a mixture of abject horror and absolute elation at the name that had just materialized moments ago on the skin of her right wrist. She was on her way to work on an average Thursday morning, taking the train as she did every day to get to her job as an archery instructor at a special martial arts gym run by her best friend. It definitely had not been there when she’d woken up that morning, and she’d only noticed it because she’d caught a glimpse of black when she’d taken a sip of her Starbucks coffee.

The Soulmate Mark, otherwise known as the name of your Soulmate, only showed up under one condition: you were going to meet them that day, usually within the first hour after it appears. Typically this would be a cause for great happiness and excitement. After all, although everyone is born with a Soulmate, it was still rare that Soulmates actually ended up together because more often than not they lived in different states or even countries. Some received them as young as a day old, while others weren’t lucky enough to get them until they were old and gray. So for it to appear when you’re only in your twenties was a blessing, something to celebrate and remember the day it happened for all of your days.

And usually Kagome would be ecstatic, bouncing off the walls even, and phone everybody she knew…had the name that appeared on her wrist not been in ancient Japanese kana.

That…wasn’t normal, was it? Kagome blinked down at the characters, able to recognize them for what they were because of her background growing up on a shrine. Her mother’s Mark was in regular Japanese in her deceased father’s handwriting. Sango’s was similar, with her mark being the smooth, elegant characters of her Soulmate’s name in his flowing script. A childhood friend she’d recently reconnected with had gotten her Mark a few months ago in her significant other’s handwriting, also in plain Japanese.

So why…why was her Mark written in characters that dated back to the Feudal Era? She studied the black ink intently, and found herself actually admiring how it looked. The characters that made up his name were sort of rough around the edges, appearing to be a scrawl more than anything as if written in hasty brush strokes. It wasn’t neat, and yet Kagome had no problem at all deciphering that characters that made up her Soulmate’s name. It was a strange contradiction, and Kagome wondered what the figure the name belonged to was like.

The loud screech of the train braking abruptly brought her out of her thoughts and Kagome blinked again before shaking her head and disembarking. Despite her confusion, elation and slight trepidation, she didn’t have time to dwell on her situation at the moment. Her shift started in half an hour and even though the gym was only a five-minute walk from the station, she needed to prepare for the lessons that day, ranging from beginner to advanced.

Unfortunately, by the time she hurried through the doors of the gym seventeen minutes later due to some unforeseen circumstances including a cyclist, her coffee, and a stained t-shirt, her questionable Soulmate Mark had all but disappeared from her mind as she mentally rolled through the day’s agenda, what needed to be done, what bows she needed to retrieve and lay out for the students who didn’t have one of their own, crap she needed to set up the targets, did the new arm guards come in yet, how many students needed to have their bows already strung, and she really hoped she had a change of clothes somewhere in the archery room. And shit, wasn’t the IT guy supposed to come in today? Damn her stupid computer and its stupid tendency to get stupid viruses! The only thing she ever did on there was play solitaire and go to one stinkin’ website to order more archery supplies! How did it even happen?!

Donned in white judogi with a black belt and talking with her husband and Soulmate, Sango almost missed her best friend’s hasty entrance and distracted rush toward the back of the gym where the door to her archery lessons took place in had it not been for Miroku’s curious raised eyebrow. “Kagome!” she called, jogging over to catch her before she disappeared from view. “Wait, Kagome, I have to tell you—”

“Sorry, Sango, can’t talk, I’m running late today,” Kagome interrupted a bit breathlessly without stopping, failing to notice her friend’s increasingly panicked look the closer she got to the door. “Spilled coffee, gotta change my shirt, lot to do, talk after lessons, okay?” She reached for the knob and yanked the door open.

“Wait! Kagome, listen, do you remember Miroku’s friend—”

“Just send the IT man back when he gets here, thanks San!”

“That’s what I’m tryin—!”

The door slammed shut, Kagome dropped her purse to the floor and then immediately started tugging off her coffee-stained t-shirt, deciding she’d just change into one of the old kosodes she supplied if one of her students desired to wear one during lessons. Most of them were a little too big for her, and smelled funky – she kept forgetting to take them home and launder them – but they would serve her purpose well enough, until she could go home during lunch and change into a fresh t-shirt. And, dammit, she was getting another coffee since she wasn’t able to enjoy her first one this morning. Stupid bicyclist. There were bicycles lanes for a reason…

Kagome dropped the dirty shirt to the floor on her way to the supply closet in the back of the room, snatched a few Kleenex from her desk on her way by to wipe off the coffee residue on her stomach, reached for the door handle—

And froze. Kagome’s back stiffened, her eyes went wide, and the color drained from her face as, painstakingly slowly, she turned her head toward her desk and met the very wide stricken golden eyes of a furiously blushing silver-haired man in her desk chair, one clawed hand lying immobile on the keyboard to her computer while the other hovered over the mouse, frozen in place.

The two stared at each other silently for what seemed like a small eternity, one in increasing mortification and the other with a rapidly growing mixture of awkwardness and embarrassment and had Kagome not been so distracted by the fact that there was a complete and total (but hot) stranger sitting at her desk, she might have noticed the spark of male appreciation in those amber depths. The silence seemed to stretch on forever and in that time Kagome’s face rivaled that of a tomato and still the (hot) stranger didn’t move, didn’t look away.

“…Uh—”

Kagome shrieked, yanked open the closet door and dove inside, slamming the door shut behind her. She heard lurid cursing from the other side as she blindly groped around for a kosode in the darkness and then hastily shrugged it on, effectively hiding the pink lace bra that whoever the hell was out there had gotten good a very good look at. “Who are you and why are you in my classroom?!” she screamed through the door, not quite ready to go out and face him—if he was even still there.

“—Christ—” Well, that answered that. “—I’m the goddamn IT guy,” he yelled back to her then grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like “—ears are still ringing.”

“Fine,” Kagome snapped, glaring at the door even though the recipient couldn’t see it. “That still doesn’t explain why you’re in my classroom!”

The supposed IT man swore again. “Sango sent me in to—Jesus, this is stupid, would you come out of there already?!” There was a note of impatience to his voice and Kagome could have sworn she heard a growl.

“You’re stupid,” Kagome muttered petulantly back but reluctantly obeyed, making sure the kosode was tied securely before cracking open the door, peering out, and then exiting the closed in space. She kept her arms tightly folded across her chest as she regarded the silver-haired man with narrowed eyes. He was standing in front of the closet now with his arms crossed over his chest, a scowl on his red face and his golden eyes glaring at her in irritation. Aggravated herself, Kagome was still blushing as she warily asked, “What did Sango send you in to do?”

He raised a brow and snorted. “Keh. Thought that’d be obvious. IT guy?” He waved a hand toward the desk where her computer sat. “I fix computers?”

Kagome’s flush deepened and she murmured, “Oh,” looking a bit sheepish that she hadn’t put two and two together herself but then her earlier ire returned and she glared accusingly at him. “You pervert,” she hissed and he sputtered in what she guessed was disagreement. “Why the hell didn’t you say anything?! I can’t believe you just let me—oh my God,” she moaned, dropping her heated face in her hands, embarrassed all over again. The IT guy saw her in her bra. She was going to die.

“I am not!” he protested vehemently, the scowl back on his face and—yes, he was growling, Kagome discovered. What the— “You’re the one who walked in here and started stripping!”

Kagome’s mouth dropped. “Hey—this is my classroom! And it’s not like I expected anybody to be in here! It’s normally empty!” That was when she recalled her best friend trying to tell her something before she’d entered the room, and she’d been in such a hurry to change and get everything prepared for her 9 am class, she couldn’t be bothered to wait and hear her now. Now Kagome was wishing she’d waited to hear Sango’s explanation as to what lie beyond the door to her classroom.

He sneered at her. “Well next time why don’t you listen when someone’s trying to tell you that there’s someone else inside the room you’re going into!”

The archery instructor opened her mouth, closed it, then pouted, annoyed that she couldn’t really argue that point because hadn’t she just told herself the same thing? Still, she mumbled under her breath about rude IT guys and huffily stuck her nose in the air, trying to appear regal and unaffected by it all, but the affect was ruined by the still-going-strong blush coloring her cheeks a vivid shade of scarlet.

The silver-haired man snorted, seemed to relax a little at her apparent defeat – to him anyway – then turned his head, but gave her a calculating, sidelong glance. “Besides,” he muttered suddenly, drawing her narrow-eyed attention. “…S’not like I saw anything interesting anyhow.”

Kagome gaped for the second time in as many minutes and she reacted without thinking, the movement pure reflex. With a cry of outrage she flung her palm toward his face in slap the shit out of him but then gasped when he caught her wrist mid-slap and glowered darkly at her and yep, he was definitely growling.

“Wench—” he started, then abruptly caught himself off as his gaze flicked to the wrist he held in his hand—her right wrist and Kagome gasped when she realized what he was staring at so intently with suddenly wide whiskey-colored eyes. Panicking, Kagome tugged at her wrist, trying to escape the tight grip he had on it, but his hold was firm and it was like he didn’t even notice her valiant tugging, his eyes fixated on her Mark with something flashing in his eyes that Kagome couldn’t quite place. Dread? Fearful astonishment? Cautious hope? Wait, what—

“Kagome,” he suddenly whispered and said woman’s world came to a screeching halt.

Instantly ceasing her attempts to escape his grip, Kagome stared in dawning horror at the man who had probably-most-definitely seen her in her bra and swallowing the suddenly lump in her throat, she dropped her gaze to his hand, drove forward to latch onto his right wrist and yank it up to eyelevel, ignoring his grunt of surprise. Then she whimpered because no matter how hard she tried to deny it, no matter how vehemently she told herself this was not happening, the proof was staring her right in the face: her name in precise blank ink, blazoned across his wrist in clear Japanese—Kagome.

Face pale, heart thundering in her chest, Kagome slowly lifted her gaze up to his face and found him already staring at her, his expression similar to her own. He’d loosened the hold he had on her wrist and he was cradling her hand in his own, his thumb absently sweeping across the Mark that tattooed the pale flesh of her own wrist in ancient Japanese kana—Inuyasha.

They stared at each other silently for an undetermined amount of time, minds whirling, hearts racing until each of their expressions morphed a horrified mask of adamant disbelief, and then they their mouths opened simultaneously and three words fell from two sets of lips.

“Oh, hell no!”

There is probably definitely going to be a part two. Because this was just too fun to write lmao.

#oneshot #soulmates au #part 1 #inuyasha #kagome #keizfanfiction #fanfiction #inukag

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angelofthenightposts · 6 years

Text

The Perfect Dad.

Bill and the reader take childbirth class

More of Bill Skarsgard.

You're pregnant, but it's not the cute kind of "Oh, I'm pregnant, but my belly isn't that big, and I can still fit into my jeans." No, you're in the third trimester, and it's worse than the first two. Yes, the morning sickness and nausea are gone, but you now have swollen ankles, painful backaches, and strange cravings. During your pregnancy, you became more curious, and with maternity leave, you could spend your entire time reading parenting books or shopping online. The baby has more clothes than you and Bill have in your walk-in closet combined. You've always been eager to learn new things since you were a child, but now it's more important than ever.

If you want to be a good mother, you must know every detail about pregnancy and parenthood, or so you believe. You open a new tab in your laptop's browser and type in the website that your heavily pregnant friend suggested you look at. As you scroll down the page, Bill enters the living room carrying two mugs of green tea. It was a bummer when you realized you had to give up a lot of things for your baby, and one of them was coffee. Your OB-GYN informed you that there is no harm in enjoying a cup of green tea, and you and Bill have used it to satisfy your caffeine addiction.

“Bill, baby, look what I found.” You tell him as he places the mugs on the table and leans over your left shoulder, kissing your temple. He raises his eyebrows at the screen; it's a page about childbirth classes, with detailed course content ranging from pregnant yoga to baby care. He takes a sip and smiles as he points to a picture of pregnant women doing yoga.

“Oh cool, it says here that they can help you with back pain. I think you should book it, yeah.”

“You're joining me.” You respond before getting a big sip from your own cup.

“Well, I don't think I need to learn anything new. I grew up with a large number of siblings. I can take you there-“ He pauses in mid-sentence; with pregnancy, you become a hot-tempered and stubborn person, and you start bickering about unimportant things that you didn't care about before. And right now, when you snap your head at Bill, he knows better than to say anything else. He averts his gaze and says, "When can we begin?"

//xxx//

You enter through the door your husband has held open for you, and Bill follows you in, sighing and looking around. The blue and pink colors appear to have been vomited at the walls. Every wall is covered in baby posters and pregnancy tutorial banners. He locks his gaze on you, as he wants to see if you feel the same way about the location as he does. And the similar expression on your face makes him sure that you do.

“Welcome to Joy in Birthing, and my name is Jessica.” This stagey, cheerful sound breaks your telepathic bond, and you both turn your heads to look at her. She is a young woman, probably in her mid-twenties, with a big smile on her face, as if everything is fine or she has no emotions other than happiness. She turns to look at your belly, which is hidden beneath a t-shirt with a funny pregnancy pun. “How is our lovely mother doing today?”

She hands you some papers to sign shortly after you inform her that you are here for the course. She receives the papers and offers you new t-shirts with the company logo printed on them. You both smile politely at her and grab the shirts to put on over your clothes. She leads you to the large room and tells you that you made a wise decision. You thank her and look around the room, which is packed with pregnant women and their partners. You're not sure why, but it feels like a race to see who can make the most beautiful baby; Bill intertwines your hands and you can tell he's nervous as well. As he helps you in sitting on the colorful cushions on the floor, you notice that there are quite a few eyes on you two; they most likely recognize who your husband is. Instead of wondering how so many of them managed to stay skinny, you begin to read the brochure in your hand. Bill, on the other hand, sits next to you and keeps his gaze away from the other people in the room; he doesn't want to be here today. He puffs out his cheeks and fixes his gaze on the breastfeeding poster on the wall.

“Baby, stop pouting like a child. Remember, we're here for our child?” You tell him that you're sure there's something he can learn today. But he insists that he knows everything there is to know about children because he grew up in a large family with many siblings. “I just want to make sure we don't hurt him.”

He tilts his head and looks at you; your hand rests on your belly, and your eyes are already welling up. He bites his bottom lip and realizes you are in one of those states where emotions and hormones are running high.

“We are not going to hurt our child, baby,” he says as he leans in and places his hand on top of yours. “I assure you that we will not. Plus, do you remember how good we are at babysitting my niece?” You want to tell him that it isn't the same thing, but before you can say anything, a middle-aged woman who you later learn is an instructor enters and greets everyone.

“Hello and welcome all of you! Before we start, I'd like to introduce myself. My name is Evelyn. Thank you all for coming to our class today and congratulations on your pregnancy.” She briefly discusses the course details before taking her seat in front of the projector's large screen. “I'd like to begin by discussing the early stages of pregnancy. “She starts talking about body changes and hormones, which quickly bores Bill and causes him to sigh. He isn't here to find out where the babies come from, but you listen to every word as if you hadn't been researching for months.

"Moms have difficulty moving with their weight and experience pain. And it is the spouse's responsibility to alleviate the pain. I'd like you to sit across from our lovely mothers. Let us begin by massaging the feet, which bear the entire weight of the body." You quickly remove your sneakers and smile at your husband, who is accustomed to giving you massage. Before he smiles, he places your left foot on his knee.

"I could do it at home anyway," he says as he presses his hand against the middle of your foot, "We didn't have to come here." You shush him; he despises being shushed, but there is no other way for him to stop whining.

Bill is now sitting next to you after about twenty minutes of massaging different areas of your body. You turn your head and see that he is still uncomfortable with the birth video you all just watched, and the expression on his face makes you laugh, you place a small kiss on his left cheek. He moves the corner of his lips upwards as he averts his gaze to look at you.

“New parents who are expecting their first child are always nervous at first. I know some of you feel unprepared to care for a baby. So we'll be working with this toy baby now." Evelyn lifts a cardboard box containing toy dolls and gives one to each couple sitting on the floor. While you examine the clothes and other items in the package, Bill stares at the horrifying baby. He lifts the doll and mutters, "Creepy." You laugh and roll your eyes at his antics, taking the baby from his grasp and placing it in your lap. He is correct, however; it appears so realistic for a toy, and if that isn't enough to freak you out, it has those huge dull blue eyes.

” Do we have a confident father to come here and set an example for the others?” There is complete silence; no one makes a sound, and you look at your husband. You know he's a good babysitter and is generally self-assured in everything he does. His eyes are challenged by yours, and he shrugs before volunteering. Evelyn invites him and Bill winks at you as he stands up and walks away.

He and Evelyn demonstrate how to properly hold and feed the baby to others. And the more Evelyn compliments him, the smugger Bill becomes. He even gives you a look that says, "See, I told you." It's time to learn how to change a diaper, and Evelyn tells Bill to put the toy back on the changing table. He nods and does as he is instructed. But after a few seconds of attempting to take its onesie, he fails, and you can tell he's frustrated. With that, he does something that makes everyone in the room hold their breath: he drops the baby doll to the floor. He timidly apologizes to the class before picking it up. As he looks around the room, you give him a thumb up. Something about his demeanor shifts; he no longer appears to be as confident and cool, and you frown at him. He looks over the table, his gaze wandering to the baby cloth, baby powder, and wet wipes. He shakes his head and tries to regain control of his mind while trying to remember the instructions; he pulls out one of the wet wipes.

“We'd rather wipe the poop this way, Bill. Inadequate cleaning can lead to infection or worse.” Evelyn takes the wet wipes and shows Bill and the others how to use them properly; he watches carefully and then moves on to the next step, which is dressing the baby back. But no matter how hard he tries, he can't get his leg into the onesie hole. Normally, he would take care of his nieces and nephews easily but now he is beginning to doubt himself. Perhaps he isn't an expert, he reasoned to himself. What will happen if he has to care for your child? What if he injures your child while dressing him?

“Do you want me to assist you?” Evelyn's question snaps him back to reality, and he shakes his head no. He's got this, it's simple, he thinks. He takes a deep breath and tries again. But he must have used a lot of force because the toy's plastic leg breaks apart. When someone in the audience boos him, he looks at you, the most important person in the room.

“I'm sorry, but I can't.” He begins to walk to the exit, unconcerned about the people in the crowd. He walks past you, and you gather your belongings, such as jackets and water bottles, and leave the classroom after Bill.

You find him sitting on a bench outside the building, his elbows resting on his knees and his face buried in his palms. You suck your bottom lip and take small steps up to your husband.

”Bill, baby, are you all right?”

“Sorry for embarrassing you in class.” He tells you as you sit next to him, but he keeps his gaze away from you on purpose.

You frown and press your hand against his knee. “What are you on about?”

He rolls his eyes and turns to face you, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "I was a complete failure back then. How can I care for our baby when I can't even handle a doll? Our son will hate me."

"Bill, please don't say things like that. What has just happened does not imply that you will be a bad father. Don't be too hard on yourself because you dropped a stupid toy.” He sucks in a shaky breath, almost as if about to cry, and it makes your eyes well up as well. Your thumb caresses the soft skin of his left cheek as you cup his pouting face. His green eyes finally meet yours, and you give him the most reassuring smile you can possibly manage. “You will be an excellent father. Our son is extremely fortunate to have you as a father."

"Do you really believe that?" Finally, a small smile appears on his lips, and you kiss him.

“Can we have ice cream now that our perfect daddy is feeling better? I'm craving something sweet." He grabs the bag and strokes your belly with the other hand before nodding and standing up. He feels stupid for believing he'd be a bad father. He has a wife and a son to cherish until the end of his days. He hopes they will love him as much as he loves them.

#bill skarsgård imagine #bill skarsgard #billskarsgard #bill skarsgård x reader

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