#but not very ideal if you want to have clean and completed stuff

[aiixen]

how do you draw so quickly?

I don't 😭 I'm actually super slow when it comes to drawing anything past the sketch/rough colors, it usually takes me few days to finish a fully clean piece (even if my art style it's still a bit messy!)

Most of the art I share here it's stuff that takes me around 2~4 hours, depending on how much I can focus on the piece and if I feel like cleaning it or not!

The real secret is... Getting obsessed with a character/media and/or having no free time so you need to force yourself to rush haha , if you stare at my pieces for half a second too long you can see that they are super messy 😭, but it doesn't really matter as long as you (as in the artist) are satisfied with how it looks + having the main focus cleaned up enough.

For example in my most recent art the character's hands /shirt and hair are not refined AT ALL. But the focus of th picture is the face, which I spent more time on it to have it look clean.

Beside this, I sometimes post art I had already done since a while but forgot to post... 🫣

#im a serial wipper #i only have wips #no finished art OTL #I need to hyperfocus and call a piece finished in one sitting or i never finish it #that's why I trained myself to polish only the important stuff and got fast with time #yeah it's just a matter of “practice/out of habit” :) #:(* #being fast is good for sketching and getting ideas out #but not very ideal if you want to have clean and completed stuff #i still need to train myself to be patient and that its ok to not have art done in a short amount of time ahha #✧˖° solar eclipse en course... ; asks #from: anon #i get lots frustrated and self conscious that my art is never clean enough #it makes ke happy that you giys appreciate it regardless : #:'<

[villainsandvictimsalliance]

The appeal of a villain friend in fiction is more often than not the thought that someone out there would choose you over the entire world.

The members of the League of Villains were anyone's priority. They felt replaceable or even worse, they knew they were replaceable. They weren't pretty enough, strong enough, normal enough, cool enough. They were wrong in the head, were too violent, too weird, too creepy.

All the rage? The hurt? They were told to swallow it because it was making people uncomfortable.

Stain was their inspiration, but he wasn't the one to pick them. He wasn't the one who looked at them and told them "you have a place". That was Giran. The manga tells us that Giran was putting together a sort of friendship group for violent outcasts like them. That he formed the League for them to have company, a reason to fight for, to exist.

There's a sort of catharsis that fictional villain friendships give that you can't find somewhere else. A sort of short-lived relief that comes when someone sees you being mistreated and decides retribution is needed. Wouldn't it be wonderful if revenge had no consequences and the damage it caused was at once lasting and non-existent?

That's what fiction is for. You put all your feelings there and create scenarios where you purge those feelings. No one gets harmed and you come out of it cleaned, renewed, with a clear head.

So when Tomura Shigaraki creates the League of Villains, it is an instant click for people who had been wronged and are seeking catharsis of their negative experiences and feelings.

The League of Villains punishes someone with torture and failure for misgendering and hurting their trans friend. A shonen manga does that, a gender where nonconforming people are a joke by tradition. Do you get what that means to some readers out there?

Tomura claims to hate everything and everyone, but when Toga asks him, he admits that they are his exception. He wouldn't destroy something they loved. His prioritizing their wishes and their likings. There was no one else above them for him and no one was as important to him as they were.

Suddenly, they are someone's number one people and not out of manipulation. They recognize in Tomura a man who really cares.

Tomura was shown to live in total neglect. He had poor hygiene, was isolated almost completely from the outside world, talked with maybe three or four people tops, ate whatever, liver whatever. He didn't care about his living conditions. It was only when the League asked for clothing and food and other stuff that he began to care. For them.

He wants them to live, to succeed, he wants to hurt anyone who hurts them, to protect what is precious to them.

And now we got confirmation that they matter more to him than his own past.

Tomura would destroy the world simply because they asked him to, because they promised to. He would destroy himself trying because he must be their hero. Remember how every time a villain would question him about his motivation or his ideals, he would talk about his hatred or his need to destroy. We've gone past it and at his very core we found that the thing that truly fuels him is the desire to be a hero.

For them.

It's really something to see people wondering why a reader would be fond of Tomura Shigaraki or the LOV in general. Is it that hard to understand?

Again, that's the appeal of a fictional villain's friendship to real life victims:

To be important, to be picked, to be prioritized, to be felt, to be seen, to be understood, to belong to and be considered, to be irreplaceable. To be all those things to the point the weight of it shatters the universe.

So much love outplacement in someone's love— to matter so much to someone —that to see you hurt would make them want to destroy the world.

#bnha #mha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #league of villains #lov #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha 418 #mha 418 #bnha leaks #mha leaks #shigaraki tomura #tenko shimura

[nayomi247]

I cant believe like... no one in the fandom has done a post like this yet that I can find?? It seems like a staple, and Im sending it here cause your wonderful and need more requests mwuah (´ з `)

What do you think would be some of the Hazbin Crew's ideal s/o? Like, what would attract them/get their attention initially, what they would need in a longtime partner, that type of thing! I would LOVE if you did Lucifer, Alastor, and Vox (my BOYS *sobs*) but feel free to do anyone and everyone you want to!

Their Ideal S/O

A/N: Thank you for this lovely request mwah😙 Also I sprinkled in other hcs to that I thought of while writing this

Pairing: Lucifer/Reader, Alastor/Reader, & Vox/Reader

Work under the cut🤞🏻

I feel like this man would love a clingy lover. Please always hold his hand. Sit on his lap while he does his work. Cuddle him to sleep at night. He LOVES physical touch.

Lucifer:

He'd also want a person he can spoil. He wants you to know he cares. He shows this by gift giving; (another one of his love languages) anything in his power is yours for the asking, you just name it!

As for looks, he wouldn't really care about those. He loves you for who you are.... THOUGH, if you were tall, he'd like to be topped by you. Or if you were short, he would tease you for that and act all proud bc he's taller than someone.

The thing that initially attracted him though was your smile. He always adored it. Just seeing you laugh and be happy always made his heart flutter.

He wants someone who can take care of him. He's a very needy man and is almost like a toddler to some degree. Of course he could do this stuff himself, but it makes him feel better knowing that you're willing to do it for him.

If you're gonna be with him, you have to be nice to Charlie. That's non negotiable. He doesn't want to put you in a spot where you feel like you have to parent her, of course not. All he wants is for his 2 favorite people to get along.

He needs someone who's willing to commit to the relationship as much as he is. He's still a bit hurt from Lilith, and he's trusting you to not break his heart like she did. He would be crushed.

Alastor:

He isn't one to like physical touch very much. Maybe a peck on the cheek here, holding hands a bit there, but other than that he doesn't want to be touched. Don't get me wrong, he loves you a lot! But he's not really the.. touchy type.

I see him more as lover that would like words of affirmation or quality time. Just your presence alone is enough for him. Though if he's with a clingy partner, he'll probably get them a plushy or something of the sort to hug and cuddle when he's in his 'no touch mood'.

He'd like if if you could cook. You could help him prepare jambalaya and other dishes his mom showed him to make. It'd be a great bonding experience.

Like Lucifer, he doesn't care much for looks. As long as you're willing to commit to him as he does for you, then it doesn't matter to him what you look like.

To be completely honest, he doesn't know exactly why he loves you or even fell for you in the first place. But he does, and did. Who is he to question that?

Vox:

This man is also a big physical touch lover. He always has his hand on your thigh, holding your hand, or just touching any place he can.

Please let him spoil you. You'd always have the latest phone and other tech like that. If you want something, he'd be glad to give it to you.

He wants someone that's loyal to him and only him. If he sees anyone else trying to flirt with you (*cough cough* val) he'd go absolutely insane. You are his.

If you could cook, he'd always love to eat your meals, breakfast lunch and dinner. Would 100% brag to the other Vees when he has lunch.

He'd prefer it if you're good with tech. He wants to be able to brainstorm ideas with you and show off his latest inventions. Also it would make it 10x easier to clean his system if you were the one to do it.

He cares more about looks than the other 2, but it's not a deal breaker for him. He'd like it if you were good looking (You're beautiful no matter what though ofc) but it's not a need. Regardless, he'd still call you beautiful and his pretty thing

He fell for you because of your of your personality. The way you walk about and present yourself. You take bullshit from anyone, you know your worth. Much as he does. You're like him, you both understand each other. That's why he sought out your love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm sorry if this exactly what you hoped it would be, I know I added a few random things but I hope you like it regardless :]

Once again thank you for the ask<3

{Taglist}

@wonderlandangelsposts

#nayomi247 #hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #hazbin hotel lucifer #lucifer magne #hazbin lucifer #hazbin alastor #hazbinhotel #alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #lucifer hazbin hotel #alastor hazbin hotel #vox hazbin hotel #vox x reader #hazbin vox #hazbin hotel vox #vox #alastor x reader #alastor headcanons #alastor hc #vox headcanons #lucifer x reader #lucifer morningstar/reader #alastor/reader #vox/reader #lucifer #hazbin headcanons #hazbin

[deesblanketfort]

Sick and regressed ☆´ˎ˗ ︶︶︶ 

Well, while I'm writting this I'm bedridden (likely with covid), and for some reason I really want to spend my sick days regressed and take something good out of it at least.

Getting comfy!

🧦: Pajamas time! Is there anything more regressor-coded than cozy printed pajamas, an animal kigurumi or onesie? I'd say no. And since I'm staying on bed, I'm surely wearing those all day long.

🛏️: Bed setup! When you're bedridden, a bed table ends up being really useful in case you want to do stuff that requires a flat surface. If you have one of those, lucky you! I, however had to improvise with a smooth wooden board standing on my lap, therefore any kind of long, resilient and flat surface can do the job just fine.

🧦: Blanket fort! Alternatively, if you're able to roam around your house or have someone to help, you can build a blanket fort over your bed or a comfy surface to stay in!

🛏️: Sick gear! Runny nose? Bring tissues. Got a fever? Make a cold damp towel for your forehead. Tummy aches or localized pain? Make a hot water compress. And make sure to keep track of the meds you're taking, of course.

🧦: Get your plushies! Since what I got is very contagious close contact with anyone is out of the table, but my stuffies are completely immune to sickness and ready to cuddle! (I'll have to wash them afterwards to disinfect them though)

Games and activities!

🎮: Viddy games! Either on computer, phone or a console (handheld preferred), videogames are perfectly stationary and don't require much movement from your part.

🖍️: Table games! Table games are also stationary and can be played right from your bed if you have a bed table, although most games need other people to play with you, your plushies can serve this purpose.

🎮: Play pretend! Playing pretend can be limited when you're bedridden, but there are some scenarios you're perfectly able to do! Such as pretending you're a shop owner and your stuffies are the clients, pretending your stuffies are your doctors/nurses taking care of you, or vice versa. Things like tea parties and pretend schools are still on the table!

🖍️: Arts and crafts! Being sick won't stop me from wanting to draw and color, since I can do it from my bed anyways! Aside from drawing and coloring, I might as well do some collage and paper craft, just might need help to clean up afterwards.

🎮: Cartoon time! No better opportunity to (re)watch your favorite cartoons than when you're sick, bedridden and bored, right? And since this brings me comfort, here are some cartoon episodes that center on being sick: Bumpy and the Wise Old Wolfhound (Bluey), Steve Gets The Sniffles (Blues Clues), Bear Flu (We Bare Bears), Doctor Daisy M.D (Mickey Mouse Clubhouse), Arthur's Chicken Pox (Arthur)

Snack time!

🍼: Hot drinks! Specially if you're with a cold or a sore throat in general, hot drinks such as hot cocoa and tea are perfect for warming up an icky throat.

🧁: Spices for a sore throat! Like mint, honey, ginger and lemon. I'm sure there's plentiful of drinks you can make using these!

🍼: Give preference to healthy snacks and meals! Like fruits and veggies, yogurt, noodles, soup or sandwiches. Bonus points if they're arranged in a fun shape (animal, plant, star, etc)!

🧁: Keep your appetite in check! It's pretty common to lose your appetite when sick, therefore I'd say it's ideal to keep your meals smaller (and sometimes eat more often) than usual.

Taking care of yourself!

🧸: Stay hydrated! Water is always good, and if you're sick you likely need it more than usual, drinking from sippy cups, baby bottles, straw cups or any kind of fun themed cup is usually more fun and encouraging than boring adult cups.

🧶: Keep your temperature in check as well! Besides from checking if you have a fever ever so often, it's also good to keep yourself warm with blankets and heating if your body feels cold, or alternatively, turning on fans and using lighter sheets instead of blankets if you're too hot.

🧸: Beware the germs! If you got a contagious disease (like me), make sure to properly wash and disinfect anything you bring to your mouth such as pacis, teethers, bottles and cutlery before and after using them. Plus, it's important to wear a mask or ask others to wear a mask when near you as well.

🧶: Resting is key! Some of these days I'm too tired to do anything above, and I'd rather just nap the whole day, and that's okay! Sometimes being sick means not being able to do anything at all and it's important to have your extended napping time to get better.

#agere sfw #sfw agere #agere #agere blog #sfw agere blog #age regression #age regressor #sfw regression #sfw regressor #safe agere #noncom agere #agere advice #agere tips #agere ideas #agere activities #blankiefort ★´ˎ˗ #kitty rambles ★´ˎ˗

[nerdykorgi]

GRIMWALKER BIOLOGY & ANATOMY STUDIES [pt 1 / ?? ]

(aka, my ideas and thoughts on how these bad but sad boys work!)

with pictures :D !

ok for starters! I tried my best to make real life connections with actual biological stuff and yeah but there are some things ima have to bullshit lol

i hope yall like rambling

[ ^ Basic ideas ]

Lets talk about anatomy!

From what i can tell from the grim walker ingredient book they have some pretty ... interesting ingredients...

GALDORSTONE:

Heart and Power apparently. What i can make of this is that the Galderstone not only powers and animates the non-organic materials but acts as a circulatory system, flowing blood and nutrients to keep the body stable by creating magical pulses of pressure that makes the blood flow. Blood is kind of ideal for homeostasis and living and om pretty sure we've seen hunter bleed at least once... Perhaps the Galderston can create an artificial vascular system to carry oxygen, magic, and nutrients throughout the growing body instead of just making veins from scratch. I want to say the Galderstone can generate energy for the grimwalker but that would mean they wouldn't need to eat, and I don't think that's true. I think its main purpose is just activate the magic materials and is like the generator to a car, keeping it running. If the Galderstone were to break or fail, the grimwalker probably come unglued and fall apart to its components (which would be pretty horrifying)

ORTET BONE:

Very key component! The ortet bone kind of helps form the blueprint for the species of the grimwalker, as well as supplying blood, a skeletal system, and components of DNA. The most basic definition of the word ORTET is as follows: the original plant from which the members of a clone have descended. Fun fact: since were using cloning terms, Hunter is to Caleb as Ramet is to Ortet (Ramet is an individual clone) I did research for cloning and as it turns out you kinda need a complete genome for cloning but for bullshitting reasons (which will be explained) we can clone with incomplete DNA and make synthetic dna from scratch! I hypothesis that the reason grims can look different from the ortet instead of just straight carbon copies is due to the bone that is used and how much of i there is. Like example a grimwalker made using just a toe phalange is going to look A LOT less like the ortet compared to a grimwalker made from something like the cranium and bigger bones and such. Basically smaller bones dont carry as much dna info and leads for room to fill in the blanks. Sadly this means alot of Grimwalkers had A LOT of health problems (this can range anywhere from immune system problems to liver failure which is quiet typical in clones, that and it is often that clones appear different from the ortet due to enviromental factors and influences)

[ As the image above shows, subject #103 has a very close resemblance to the ortet due to the bones that are used ] There are pros and cons to using bones! Pros being that they can hold DNA for much longer than tissue, but the thing is bones can degrade really easy if not preserved, and i don't think belos had a bottle of hydrogen peroxide laying around that he could dunk Caleb in, so let's just assume he made sure his brother's corpse was well cleaned and kept. Biggest con is the human body only has so many bones (about 206) I believe that the reason Grimwalker can generate organs is by using the ortet and making the stem cells created from bone marrow. Stem cells are very important because they can turn into different types of cells like blood and tissue cells as well as repair tissue. I believe the process of growing grimwalkers is kind of like "Self-renewal" the process in which stem cells divide and make more of the body

STONESLEEPER LUNGS:

Im just gonna assume stone sleeper had very small lungs because aint no way those t rex lungs fit in a teenage boy. I originally thought The reason that Grimwalkers can stay underground for so long is because the lungs, similar to how a stonesleeper hibernates for centuries (kind of like how wood frogs can basically cryo-hibernate) by petrifying but a grimwalker IS growing and therefore needs resources to grow, like how a baby does in the womb. So it has to be actively getting said resources so it cant be petrified. I now think the reason that grimwalkers have these lungs is because theyre easily compatible to the galderstone, which needs oxygen for the blood and that they can be easily harvested and stored in stone form. But that does give room for cool adaptations like self-petrification! (which i will get into next time :D )

PALISTROM WOOD:

Ok its says that the wood is used for keratin, which is a fiberous protein which can make all kinds of things like scales, hair, nails, feathers, horns, claws, hooves, and skin! And since its also a plant means it can grow 4 times as fast as normal keratin can! This explains why hunters hair grew so ridiculously fast in season 3, was because his hair can produce its own carbohydrates and nutrients on its own... This means his skin and surface wounds can heal quite fast! (down side is it might give him something similar to PSS (Peeling Skin Syndrome ) ...) I think Palisman is very important becasue of several reason! 1 Like palisman, it can "animate" if you will, more or less help pull off the illusion that he is alive. 2 Like mentioned before, Grimwalkers need nutrients to grow and I believe the palistrom wood aids in that! Using a process called cellular diffusion, the grimwalker can take in nutrients from the ground around them (which i theorize to be highly fertilized) through THEIR SKIN! and into the veins and flesh of the grims 3 I believe that in the process of forming, the galderstone "activates" the palistrom wood, forming into skin or hair but this process of rapid growth leaves the skin all undone and fragile because a proper cutaneous barrier was not formed yet (which is useful for being malleable. This is why Hunter's ears are so 1 .god blessed big because they are fake and molded to look like that. Its also why The grimwalker Belos possessed fell apart so easily, like he said "It wasnt ready")

SELKIEDOMUS SCALES:

This one kind of confused me because... well why do we need the seal flesh when the ortet can just regenerate it?? I think its kind of like the stuffing if you will, it also speeds up the process of producing flesh by a lot! Especially if you want to make grown grimwalkers! Im thinking that Grimwalkers don't have a set "age" theyre just as big as however many materials they are given to work with. Even though the book says they can start as babies, if you look closely there is a check mark towards the more adolescent figure, so im thinking that they are not ready to be unearthed until they reach a certain growth ima guess around the age of over 10-ish?? We don't know how young Hunter was pulled out of the floor but it seems like he was fairly young, or atleast younger. This means while Hunter appears to be 16, he might have only been living for around 5 years or so.

Now typically normal seals have a lot of blubber which is a thick layer of fat, also called adipose tissue, directly under the skin of a marine mammals. Its used for insulation. The thing is tho, it says Selkiedomus Scales, not flesh... Dont worry there are mammals that have scales like Pangolins but i dont know if these scales are like thick plated or small and stretchy. Magic bullshitting time, Im goin to assume Selkiedomus scales refers to a layer of scale-like flesh that protect the creature from boiling but is also highly malleable and easy to work with. Maybe the reason they can withstand such heat is due to unsaturated bonds of butadiene molecules mixed into the blubber that are highly heat resistant Selkie domus flesh is molded and into the relative shape of desired body and using the DNA of the ortet the flesh is reshaped and reused into the desired muscles shapes. The vascular system created by the galderstone spreads throughout the flesh and binds with it. healing together and becoming flesh, kind of like a speed up version of skin graft maturation! This is useful for growing them quickly because they don't have to grow an entire adult body from scratch so this speed up the process by eeeerrm 20 years or so lol

Thats only the basics for now, sooner or later i shall get into the more fun stuff, like adaptaions of Grim walker, the growing process, ad more!

Hope you guys enjoyed my ideas, if i got anything incorrect let me know, my research isnt exremly searched through.

last question ill leave you all with, it kind of stumped me while i was working...

i have a theory but i wanna know your thoughts...

(i worked hard on all this btw, i really hope people read it lol /lh.)

#the owl house #toh #toh hunter #hunter toh #caleb wittebane #philip wittebane #emperor belos #grimwalker #golden guard #how tf do you draw a nipple #ima gonna sleep now...

[hillbillyoracle]

Fuck Goals, Fuck Vision Boards

Task Management for Planning Averse

AKA Even People with Zero Direction in Life Deserve Nice Things

So if you don’t already follow Dana K. White on YouTube, you should. She’s the author of the blog A Slob Comes Clean and several books. What I’m going to talk about below is heavily inspired by her work which is why I wanted to cite her upfront but also seriously go check her videos out if you’re trying to declutter and get organized. 

Right now I’m mostly using her videos and it’s genuinely the only decluttering method that has ever worked for me. And one of the reasons it works for me where others haven’t is that it is a system that doesn’t rely on feelings or valuation. 

I realized that as I’ve gotten better at task management in my life - though lord knows the move has made that more complicated - I realized that not using feelings or judgement based questions is what really helped me. I also realized that I had 100% completely given up on goals. I had neglected to set goals for a couple years now and weirdly I got more productive, not less. What gives? 

Step 0: Give Up on Goals and the Fantasy Self

What I realized is that goals were really just a product of what a lot of decluttering folks call my “fantasy self”. My fantasy self woke up at 5am and did little work out videos but trying to leap to become that fantasy self fucking sucked. It was not enjoyable once the novelty wore off and it largely didn’t present enough benefit to justify doing it. 

Which meant I would stop and then I would feel bad about myself and I’d pick up bad habits to cope with the feeling and then I was worse off than before. 

So when I stopped setting goals, I stopped declining at least because there wasn’t that rebound effect where I self soothed using way too much ice cream and binge watching whatever I could find. I hit a baseline that wasn’t amazing but the stability was helpful. Only when I gave up on the fantasy life did my actual life get better.

Capitalism loves the fantasy self. People spend so much money to try to become their fantasy self and often don’t even benefit that much from it. Then the guilt of seeing that stuff around can lead folks to by more stuff to cope with the guilt. The only people winning are the companies who you buy from. 

Also, folks with executive dysfunction have a very hard time picturing what done looks like. So trying to picture your “ideal day” is low key a nightmare experience for someone like me. Mission Statements can be real intimidating when you’re not totally sure what those words will mean for the decisions you make. Vision boards...I’m sorry I know some folks love them but I really do not enjoy them. They’re a sensory overload of an experience to me from the crafting to taking them in. I’ve never made a vision board that really did much for me. 

I’ve also recently learned about The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin and I am definitely a Rebel. So too much pressure internal or external and I will find the quickest exit possible. Rebels are a small but sizeable portion of folks according to the authors research. Which means there are likely other people out there who also find goals to be way too much fucking pressure. 

This is all to say - fuck goals. But you’ve still got a life to live so how do you move the needle in the positive direction? 

Step 1: Initial Brain Dump

People would always tell me to brain dump but never really explained how. They were like “Yeah just get all this stuff in your head out on paper” and I’m like...I don’t even know what’s in my head unless I go looking for it. 

So I offer you two questions and two methods of gathering answers. 

When trying to brain dump, ask yourself: 

What do I spend a lot of time thinking about? 

What are the specific tasks associated with these subjects? 

If you can’t think of next specific tasks associated with those subjects, it does necessarily mean you need to strike it off you list, it’ll just be a little tougher to know where it fits. 

Sometimes I’m able to sit down and answer these questions all in one go. And sometimes it’s much easier to keep a running list in my phone and when I realize I’ve been thinking a lot about something I add it to the list. Then later I can sit down and come up with specific tasks or process it in step 2. 

Step 2: Task Punnett 

In step 2 I look at my list and ask myself two questions:

Do I already spend time doing this? 

Will I face a negative result if I don’t do this? 

This gives four categories a list item can be sorted into. 

Yes/Yes

The goal here is to prevent burnout so you don’t stop spending time doing these. Common ones are cooking, cleaning, or seeing friends. So it’s important to look at each of these and make sure they’re as easy and enjoyable as possible. 

It also helps to know what your minimum is for each so that if you’re burning out you can scale back to your minimum effective dose is that allows you to avoid the material harm but give you a break - like getting take out or having freezer meals on hand, knowing what the most important cleaning tasks are and only doing those, and at least sending texts or voice memos to friends to connect.

Yes/No

The goal here is to protect this time as much as possible. It’s what tends to go when Yes/Yes and No/Yes tasks start to get out of hand. That will look different for different people but it almost always involves capping Yes/Yes and No/Yes time and not allowing yourself to go over. As you might have guess most hobbies go here. 

Some people will need other people to help encourage them to keep doing it. Some people will need flexibility so it feels like they’re truly choosing it. Some people will need to refresh their memory that these kinds of activities are just as necessary as other types of tasks. 

Guilt and shame is a big one that keeps people from having many things going in this box but it can also be a lack of self knowledge too. We’re not exactly encouraged to explore what we truly deeply love. Mental illness can also make this box tricky as anhedonia can make everything feel bleh. 

In all of these cases, I really suggest making some sort of reflective practice something you try to keep in this box so you can notice what triggers guilt, what sparks joy, and what just isn’t working after a while. Doesn’t have to be journaling in the traditional sense. I used to turn on my computer cam and just talk but now that I need more audio privacy, this has been really helping me.  

No/Yes

I fucking hate this box in all honesty. It’s the one that drains me and makes me feel like shit to look at this list but also I feel the most badass when I actually complete something off of it. 

The goal with this box is to figure out what’s blocking you from this being a Yes/Yes. Basically finish the sentence “I don’t really want to do this because...” and you’re on your way. Most barriers can be dealt with. I used to not believe this but I promise it’s true. 

This is where having a therapist, good friend, or community where you can bounce ideas off of can really make all the difference. A reflection practice can also really help get a different perspective too.  Sometimes the barriers loom so large in our mind that adaptation seems ridiculous or impossible. Take advantage of different perspectives. 

Automation, delegation, and congregation (body double or a group) are incredibly useful tools here. Don’t do more here than you need to. 

What’s key in the second question for this section is that this is something you have the power to impact the outcome of. If you don’t have the power to change the outcome or you’ve done all you can, then the task is bracing, mitigating, and accepting, not dealing with the topic/task head on. 

No/No

There are 2 main things I find in this category - shit I agreed to because I felt obligated and someday maybe projects. For shit I agreed to, the only remedy is to just get out of it, to bail in the most graceful way possible. I also try to prevent stuff from winding up here to begin with (no more event planning for me for a while). 

For someday maybe projects, I like to keep a space - usually Notion - where I can collect my thoughts on it, projects, and pain a picture of what it would take to make it a Yes/No task someday in the future - always keeping in mind what I could do with the materials and time I have available right now. I’ve picked a quite a few of my No/No tasks this way and made them things I do regularly because I left myself those breadcrumbs for later. 

Step 3: Prioritizing without Feelings

So now you have your tasks organized into these buckets and know what to keep in mind with each. So...what do you do with them? 

A lot of people will tell you to prioritize and do the hardest first while your willpower is strong but I say fuck that my willpower is never strong so we’re going to do easiest first to build up some confidence. 

No/No - For obligations that no longer serve me, I bail. For someday maybe projects, I write up some quick notes in my little system in Notion.

Yes/No - gather and prep materials, block out time, ask someone to do it with you or find a group if needed

Yes/Yes - gather and prep materials, if burning out, switch to minimum viable

No/Yes - figure out the barriers, automate, delegate, congregate, list next steps

Stuck Tasks - Too much to go into here but this video is helpful.

Sometimes I bounce around a bit - dealing with a Yes/Yes task will suddenly give me the guts to deal with a stuck task, getting out of a No/No obligation will make a No/Yes task look easier. So I don’t limit myself to this. But when I’m having trouble I go back to the list and just trust. 

If I have avoided doing a No/Yes task for anywhere from several days to several weeks - it’s official a stuck task and I bounce it there while I work through other No/Yes tasks to deal with later. 

Sometimes time pressures will dictate that things need to be handled before others - that’s fine. But usually a crunch will either show you that you will not in fact face a negative consequence after all or give you a motivation boost to carry you through some of the difficult tasks. 

Step 4: Doing it again

So when do you do it again? 

I do my brain dumps on Sundays and sort them into area of life lists so I can work on them by theme or focus but honestly whenever. When I was really in the throws of some bad mood shit I’d only do it every few weeks or so. Any amount of doing this generally had lead to a better life though. 

What about stuff I’m not thinking a lot about? 

That usually means either you’ve got such a good system for it that it’s running on autopilot so why mess with success, the possible reward is not appealing enough, or the possible consequences don’t freak you out enough. 

This isn’t really a system I use for creating like...a good life by a neurotypical standard. It’s what I use to manage the stress, concern, and daydreams I’m having right now, to get things off of my plate and grow my confidence. 

So will this mean everything gets managed? No. But it does mean the stuff most likely to keep you up at night does. Which is a huge fucking boon. 

Conclusion

There’s some more intricacies in this too like moving No/No projects to Yes/No and No/Yes projects to Yes/Yes - it’s not the same strategies in my experience - but this is already running long. 

Hope this helps someone else out too! 

#studyblr #adhd #autism #planning #fuck goals

[panlight]

Breaking Dawn has always read like a fanfiction to me. I'm aware this has probably to do with the fact, that Forever Dawn was written before New Moon and Eclipse, and SMeyer just rewrote some pieces of it.

But this made me think - most fans probably have an idea of how they would have liked the story of Bella and Edward to end and those endings might all be a little, or even very different. What would your perfect ending for the Saga look like? You can place it after any point of the story - just after the first book, in the middle of New Moon, around the end of Eclipse, wherever you want.

It really does have a lot of fanfic-y tropes. The big wedding. The over-the-top tropical honeymoon. This is an 18-year-old middle class girl getting married here. Sure the Cullens are rich but she's not an actual princess or something, this always felt hugely over the top to me in a fanfic-y way. And then the baby, of course. It does tick a lot of boxes of the sort of fanfic that imagines what happens after the book/movie/show where the main couple get married and have a kid.

For me, vampirism without consequences is just completely uninteresting. Bella getting to have her cake and eat it too not only undermines all the themes in the earlier books and makes Edward's brooding about being a vampire seem like unnecessary whining, it's also just boring.

So my ideal ending is an actual follow up to Eclipse. Bella and Edward follow through on their compromise plan: wedding, sex, and vampirism in that order. There's no baby; Bella is turned on Isle Esme and spends a few months there on a secluded island with no people (the groundskeepers are given time off FFS Edward can clean the house) eating wildlife and adjusting to vampirism.

But she actually has to like, adjust. It IS has hard as people told her it was. She can still do well at it, but with struggle. I mean, Carlisle never killed anyone either but he did it by banishing himself to the woods and starving to the point that he unthinkingly attacked some deer. I believe it was hard and he struggled and so his triumph feels earned. Bella can still control herself better than average but I wanna see her struggle with it, versus like, one tense afternoon with Charlie and then totally being fine around humans and going to see lawyers in a sexy outfit, no problem. That felt anticlimactic.

Also there should be some fallout with Jake, and she should probably have to cut ties with Charlie and Renee. She MADE this choice to become a vampire knowing she was giving these things up, so for Breaking Dawn to be like "Nevermind! Haha!" about it was deeply unsatisfying. It killed the conflict and tension for Jacob and Charlie to still be part of her life and accepting of the weirdness of it.

For me, the whole point was Bella was sacrificing a lot to be with Edward. That is where the romance and angst lies. Getting to be beautiful and immortal and rich and powerful AND with the person you love AND keep your father and best friend AND get a perfect baby who never cries and sleeps through the night AND conquer the bloodlust in like 2 seconds was just . . . boring. All the stuff I had been interested in seeing how it would resolve was resolved in just the easiest, least interesting way possible. A perfect example: the wedding. We're told that Renee is going to freak out about this early marriage and even THAT relatively unimportant conflict is just instantly resolved with "actually, Renee's totally on board!!!!" Snore!

So yeah. Bella is turned on the honeymoon. It's hard. She cuts off ties with Charlie; maybe she fakes her death, maybe she just disappears. Jacob refuses to talk to her, but Sam is like "whatever she made her choice we're not going to start a war over this." And in this way Bella is actually cut off from her human life and has to start over with the new family and new life she chose. We probably have to resolve the Volturi situation somehow; maybe a trip to Volterra to prove she's been turned and some conflict with the Volturi comes into play.

But ultimately I just want an epilogue where she comes back to Forks with Edward to check in on Charlie and Jacob from a distance. She watches Charlie with Sue (or someone else) playing with step-grandbabies, she sees Jacob, who has stopped phasing and is aging and married with kids of his own, and it's hard. It's sad to see them going on without her. And Edward looks at her like he's about to apologize for the 239470242th time for robbing her of a human life and she's like, "No, the life I have with you is worth it," because THAT's the vibe! That's where the romance is! Her being happy in BD means nothing because it was all so easy for her! Her being happy despite the downsides of vampirism is where the romance lies!

#asks

[elicathebunny]

Preparation to make 2024 a progressive Year.

This is how you will prepare for 2024:

What not to do -

🚫 Start on a fresh week

🚫 Start on a fresh month

🚫 Start on new years

🚫 Plan goals that need good willpower before building the willpower first (like intense exercise every day)

🚫 Expecting too much at once and not easing yourself into a new lifestyle

What to do -

✔️ Start again the second you mess up and don't give up then and there

✔️ Get into a routine before the new year starts

✔️ Slowly introduce tasks that progressively get harder to build endurance and willpower

✔️ Change your surroundings to fit your new/ideal lifestyle

✔️ Allow yourself to have breaks, nobody is perfect

What to focus on -

> mental health

!shadow work

!embracing the inner child

!mirror work

!therapy (if you can afford it)

!rest (around 7-10 hours, anything below 7 isn't enough)

!reducing screentime

!affirmation tapes

!journaling

> physical health

!working out

!balanced eating (learn how to cook nutritious meals at home)

!basking in nature

!stretching

!supplements - get a blood test to find out what you are lacking (if you live in a cold country - coloured people especially, you are very vitamin D deficient so take vitamin D supplements and foods)

> environment

!decluttering and regular cleaning (throw out unused things, give stuff to charity or to people who might want it, keep productive spaces clean, use scents to freshen things up)

!hanging around with the right crowd (getting rid of people that don't/won't help you or support you on your journey)

!setting your space for up 4 success (e.g. if you want to run put your running shoes and sports clothes out as well as your water bottle to set yourself up for success)

> lifestyle

!create easy to follow routines (not too complex so you can stick to them)

!everything around you should resemble the life you are trying to create (clean space, healthy groceries, clothes - give the ones you don't use to charity, phone - remove contacts you don't use, unsubscribe from channels you don't watch and delete apps that don't serve you etc)

!change your habits/ways and get rid of the old ones (try new things, listen to new music, wake up at a different time, eat new food, go to different places, go into a new store, get out of your comfort zone etc)

!complete hard tasks first thing (get them out the way)

!keep a list of things you want to achieve so you can strive for them everday (doesn't have to be a big thing, small steps are okay e.g. walking x amount of steps a day)

> academics

!create a study schedule

!use studying techniques

!read often and always aim to improve

!complete homework as soon as it's set

!study and use other things as rewards (x amount time of studying before calling a friend or playing a game)

!make time throughout the day to revise

#dream girl #self worth #glow up #new years #that girl #self improvement #self growth #self care

[ghostismybbygorl]

141 ideal valentines day dates pt.1

Nsfw minors do not interact

warnings: nsfw, oral, unprotected sex, breeding kink?, oral, lingerie photos, uhh sex stuff yeah :)

Price

He'd take you shopping

"Pick out a nice dress duchess"

He'd go to a florist and get you the biggest bouquet of your favorite flowers with a elegant vase to put them in

He regularly gets you flowers but usually from the market

He takes you out to the most high end exclusive restaurant that takes moths to get a reservation

Wears something like this but he matches his outfit with the color of your dress

When the two of you get home he'll have an expensive bottle of champagne waiting for you and rose petals following to the bedroom

He'll pour you a glass and guide you to the bedroom

In the bedroom there will be a heart shaped box with a note on top of it

In the note it has a heartfelt message that will most definitely make you cry.

Peppers your neck in soft kisses as you read the note

"Open the box darling"

Nsfw

Inside the box is this

Mans waltzed into Victoria secret and picked this out himself

(May have rubbed one out when he got home)

Theres also a very expensive bottle of perfume

He'd slowly take your dress off kissing your neck trailing down your back whispering how much he loves you and how beautiful you'll look in the lingerie

"Why dont you go an put this on for me beautiful"

While you put on the lingerie he puts on some sensual music and dims the lights

He sits on the bed his erection completely showing through his pants. When you show him he's speechless, all he does is pats his leg having you straddle him. He kisses your lips softly trailing down your neck holding your hips gently moving them up and down cupping your breast and ass. He trails his lips up to yours holding the back of your head and starts slowly grinding into you. He kisses you slow and passionately turning you over onto your back on the bed. He unbuttons his shirt taking it off and goes to kiss that sweet spot on your neck making you whimper. He gently moves the lace covering your nipple and starts to kiss it sucking on it lightly trailing his hands down softly rubbing circles on your clit adding a finger into your hole maneuvering to hit your g-spot. He whispers sweet nothings into your ear as he makes you reach your climax. He undoes his pants taking them off along with his briefs making his erection spring out. He slides your thong down your legs slowly taking them off. He crawls between your legs and takes a lick of your clit taking it in his mouth his tongue swirling around you making you a moaning mess. As he's eating you out he's slowly edging himself pumping his cock softly and slowly. He makes you reach your second orgasm making you a shaking moaning mess. He comes up and trails kisses along your body up to your lips gently but passionately kissing you. He lines himself up inserting into you moaning your name and how good you take him. He slowly thrusts into you feeling your walls tighten around his cock. He picks up the pace hitting your g spot multiple times. He whispers sweet nothings to you as he plants kisses and hickeys around your neck. His pace quickens hearing your moans like a melody making him chase the high he wants. He rubs your clit in gently stimulating you. He feels your walls close around him as he starts to hit your spot harder and harder making himself catch up to you as you reach your peak. He kisses you rough your tongues dancing together your moans syncing up together. In one final quick thrust both of you come together. Held holds you tight as he empties himself into your core moaning how amazing you feel and how much he loves you.

He gently cleans you up getting you into more comfortable clothing for the night

The two of you finish the bottle of champagne while watching cheesy romcoms and making fun of them

Right before the two of you go to bed he grabs something on his nightstand.

Its a ring

Soap

The two of you got invited to a wedding

He says he's running some errands but in reality he's running around town buying you a nice dress to match his kilt, runs to the 'store' for some 'stuff' , heads to the florist to get you your favorite flowers and an edible arrangement

He comes home in a hurry nearly dropping the edible arrangements and flowers in the process

He comes in to see you standing there like 🤨

He gives a light chuck handing you the flowers and arangment

"Happy valentines day babe!" He exclaims "gotcha something"

He hands you a shopping bag where you pull out the dress and a small wrapped gift

You try to open it but he swiftly grabs it and hides it behind his back blushing

"Th-thats for later"

The two of you got invited to a wedding

He says he's running some errands but in reality he's running around town buying you a nice dress to match his kilt, runs to the 'store' for some 'stuff' , heads to the florist to get you your favorite flowers and an edible arrangement

He comes home in a hurry nearly dropping the edible arrangements and flowers in the process

He comes in to see you standing there like 🤨

He gives a light chuck handing you the flowers and arangment

"Happy valentines day babe!" He exclaims "gotcha something"

He hands you a shopping bag where you pull out the dress and a small wrapped gift

You try to open it but he swiftly grabs it and hides it behind his back blushing

"Th-thats for later"

nsfw

the two of you come drunkenly come home (don't worry you took a uber to the wedding) in a giddy mood

johnny kissing your neck, cheeks, lips plastering you in complements and i love you's

you lead him to the bedroom where you make him sit on the bed

he sits with a lustful smile

"got something fur me?"

you nod your head and walked into the bathroom changing your dress

you hear quick rustling of clothes and silent "fuck" in the bedroom

you walk out wearing this

Only to see johnny lying on the bed on his side with a rose in his mouth wearing this

You where speechless

You stood there watching his erection peeking through the fabric. you walked over to him took the rose out of his mouth and gently replaced it with your lips. the kiss was slow and gentle, johnny held your hips as you straddled him deepening the kiss. his hands slid up your legs cupping your ass and gently squeezing pushing your hips down to grind on him. you gently moaned into the kiss granting him access for his tongue to explore you mouth. he kissed you deeply picking you up and flipping you around so that your on your back. he grinds into you trailing his hands to your breast gently unlasing the top and taking it off. he admired the way you looked. your face was flushed ridden with lust. johnny kissed your neck gently giving love bites down your neck and shoulders. he gently cups your breast kneading it and rubbing your nipple. his lips clasp on your nipple lapping at the sensitive bud.

"johnny~" you moaned

he looked up releasing your nipple with a small pop. he trailed down to your thighs kissing the inside gently trailing to your skirt. he grabbed the fabric pulling it down revealing your dripping pussy.

"fuuck~" he whispered sticking a finger inside you. "so fucking wet for me aren't ya" he licked your clit causing you to shudder. he bit and nibbled on your clip his tongue gently moving over it. you were a moaning mess squirming left and right as you were chasing your high. he inserted a second finger pumping it faster hitting your spot with every thrust of his hand. your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you came all over Johnny's hands. he smirked licking the juices off his hands. he rips (legit rips) off his thong sliding into you with ease. he cups your face gently kissing it as he sets a slow and steady pace. the two of you held each other tightly as johnny quickened his pace. moaning your name into your neck his pace starts getting sloppy and hard.

"oh fuck I love you~" he moaned finishing inside of you.

the two of you laid together legs intertwined holding each other heart to heart slowly falling asleep

"I want to marry you " johnny silently whisper in his sleep

ill be making a part 2 with ghost and gaz soon!

#cod mw2 smut #call of duty modern warfare #cod mwii #call of dooty #call of duty mwii #call of duty mw2 #call of duty x you #captain john price #john price #captain price x reader #captain price #soap mactavish x you #soap x reader #price x reader #john soap mactavish #johnny mactavish #john mactavish #john soap mctavish x reader #cod modern warfare #modern warefare 2 #cod mw2 x reader #mw2 #soap mw2 #price mw2 #cod mw2

[sempsimps]

doppelgänger Francis x reader

sooo this is totally sfw within the age rating of the actual game, obviously. also might be inspired by the yagami yato of this man, maybe, slight chance, it definitely gave me some fuel to finish at least, i got over this brain rot quickly and well this took more time than i would of liked so yeah. sorry if my writing sucks :)

tags

mentioned death

mentioned cannibalism

two sides of the same one sided love (kinda)

blood (yep shock horror)

hoon man getting the love he needs <3

a bit of inexperienced writing (oh lord the horror)

sexual tension i guess (but not really)

Heather's the musical reference

British language so scary

it was late at night and door duty is slow like usual, the thing about the job was that 12 hour shifts suck, but in this time where the fear of being replaced by man eating monsters having a roof over my head and a job was quite reassuring, and well despite the company not really caring I'm glad that i didn't have to do more work then i could be awake for also my co-worker Emily she is amazing and could make a banging cup of tea, and well she likes the fact there's not nearly that many doubles at day, less work obviously. the night is tougher, way more doppelgängers at this time some were very convincing and did make me want to scream on the inside becuse of the anxiety it caused..... but i did like a challenge. also, i knew that most of the apartmenties were inside as Emily ticks them off the list and added the names who had a reasonable excuse for not being on there, and hey, i haven't died. yet despite my complaints there was a golden reason why i liked this job, and that was the resident tired eyes Francis, but he never really talked that much and it kinda made him ideal mimic bait, so i cant get attached i mean i really shouldn't as they really did try him the most for some reason.

i yawn as i relaxed into my office chair stretching my arms with a stratifying click 'mhhh almost over its 10 45 so 1 more hour and franci-' caught in my thoughts so much but the white uniform snapped my attention 'speak of the devil-! wait...' and as quickly as it came it left, as i seen the deep sunken abyss of "eyes" and a smile 'ah, i see its hoon' he really did try to get in, acting normally handing the papers over with an almost correct ID and entry form but just ya know slightly off on the looks and all he says is hoon is kind of revealing. i smiled and waved in greeting.

"Ah, hello there, nice try hoon, but i can see you. Good try though, almost nailed that ID too."

"hoon hoooon!"

"ill take that a good response"

i politely gave back the ID and smiled, throwing the entry form in the bin with the rest, so it isn't as easy to get in. Also, some of them are funny anyway. back to it i found this particular one almost as enduring as the original i was found of him so to speak, but if he got too good then off he goes and that might be a toxic trait but ill entertain him for now.

"Come on man, you know the drill, i caught you. You walk away. Have a good night though."

"hoon..."

he held his head down in disappointment and trudged away, when i was sure he left i called the D.D.D,the emergency shutters come down and footsteps can be heard by the men, i knew hoon wasn't there but to keep up the appearance to not get me fired, i had to make it seem that he keeps escaping, and not me letting him do so nooooo. the shutters come up, and the hazmat suit explains the situation in that boring tone like always.

"The clean up is complete, but the company will search for that double ganger that got away......"

yep, the same stuff zoning all that out. 'blah blah blah Jesus Christ, so much talking, just leave, please.' i kept smiling with zoned out thoughts as they spoke.

"You can continue your job"

"mh hm thanks"

the clean-up crew left slowly, god so slowly, like today, so slow. i looked over to the clock 'uuuuhhh 11 15 a half an hour till Francis gets here from delivering milk. poor soul to be fair he was half a workaholic' picking at my nails as a distraction from the boring day i seen another white milk man uniform i smile as i seen Francis, immediately going to work as he passed his paper through. but if i looked at the clock, only a few minutes passed.

"hi there"

i politely greeted, giving a small wave like i do for him 'wait it might not be him.' My face turned serious quickly.

"hm hello..."

'Huh, is he tired, or is that voice lower?' Suspicious, but i checked over the entry form, and that looked all good. now the ID 'logo yep date uh huh spelling' with the file i looked back and forth 'okay looking good finally number lets see 2 3 5 5 6' i look at the ID '2 4 5 5 6. wait 4?' Looking back over the file 'that's wrong damn doppelgänger. welp gotta kill this one he's too real.' i passed back the papers roughly, my face turning sour.

"welp, here ya go Francis, any last words?"

i didn't let him finish becuse as soon as i passed the paper through roughly i reached over with my other hand and pressed the emergency button, and speed dialling the D.D.D to get this near replica out of here, the shutter that came down was rattling from the force of the doppelgänger hitting it trying to escape, which was normal. and then silence as the shutter comes up, the now comforting yellow suit began to talk.

"The clean-up is complete. You can continue your-"

The hazmat suit slammed into the glass making a small crack, a gradient green hand with black claws dug into the back of the head, blood seeping out and staining the yellow suit my eyes followed the arm to the doppelganger of Francis i had just delt with 'oh shit this is a fucking problem' the yellow hazmat fell to the ground the hand returning to "normal" and that face comes into view. blood dripping of the perfect features, his voice lower than it should be its unnerving 'and hot- nope nope stop there wrong.' opening the desk draw digging in it for a neatly written number to only be called if the D.D.D fails. 'Where's that post-it note' a loud thud broke my thoughts, and I cautiously looked up to the double of Francis. his hand against the glass smearing some blood on the clean surface some spilling into the small crack made a few seconds earlier.

"Oh darling, how come you didn't let me in? My appearance is flawless. Entry form has nothing wrong with it, I know I'm on the list today."

He looked confused 'cute wait no evil' since I passed the papers through he picked up the slightly crumpled ID and gave an amused smirk flipping it around and pressing it to the glass so I could see it.

"Ah, I see you did read that silly ID number. You're not like the others, you're smart, and that makes me want to devour you even more."

My hand starts to tremble as I kept looking for that stupid note. The doppelganger tuts lightly with a small chuckle.

"Come on~ your phone friends can't help you. and you wouldn't want to create more of a mess~ look honey! all those delicious bodies already here"

He licked his lips cleaning them from the blood giving a satisfied hum 'oh shit that's hot- nope nope not the time' i couldn't bear to look past him at the amount of people dead, opting to keep looking for the number i knew was in this stupid desk 'come on, come on where is this fucking thing' my hand touches the gun at the back of the draw 'I shouldn't have to use this'

"OPEN THE DOOR, please open the door. Can we not fight anymore, please come on, open the door? You're scared i see that, I can set you free come on let me inside open the door open opEN OPEN!"

Teeth beared now sharp and tinted yellow eyes the same shade. His hand slammed down on the glass with an open palm he realised it wasn't working, quickly far too quickly, and he used his fist rattling the pane in its hold the crack getting bigger every thud my movements speed up 'shit shit shit shit shi- ah! there I got it.' I gripped the paper roughly and slammed the emergency button and dialled the never before used number

"DARLING YOULL NEVER KILL ME IVE BEEN WATCHING YOU FOR WEEKS ILL COME BACK"

"Hello you have contacted the-"

"YES I KNOW SEND HELP D.D.D AGENTS DOWN"

"Don't worry .... we have dispatched people to your area" BEEP

The slamming of fists and that sickening sound of flesh tearing. its the noise doppelgangers make when they lose their disguise, it made me nauseous my head dizzying from it I heard the glass smash but the metal kept me safe it was barely dented before I heard the screams of the beast and gun shots my breathing uneven my legs to my chest in the chair arms wrapped around my body in attempt to comfort myself it all went silent my heart drops in my chest but as the shutter came back up a more human looking hazmat suit greeted me rather than the round ones another one putting a new pane of glass replacing the broken one.

"Thank you for contacting us. we will inform the D.D.D of the deceased agents and give you good reference. Unfortunately, the doppelganger got away"

"Wait, what!?"

They left quickly, some carrying black bags, not saying a word 'he got away. How?' I slowly came out of my shell I had built temporarily, taking in some deep breaths. unwrapping my arms and lowering my legs back into my chair. 'I'll have a breakdown when I'm off the clock.... oh speaking of how long till Francis is here 11 55 he's late.... of course just making my day wors- never mind night is better' there he was passing an ID and entry form i already had his folder out and checked it over intensely giving a little sigh.

"mh, hello doorman you seem worked up tonight"

"haha yeah just some difficult doppelgängers, ya know"

"ha yeah uh.... I've been meaning to ask, would you like to get food sometime"

i opened the door for him and smiled wearily giving the correct paper back to the real Francis.

"yeah that would be nice have a goodnight Francis"

okay finally over Jesus Christ this took way longer than i wanted it to take becuse i have got another 3 fics stacked and schoolwork so I'm glad its over but i still don't know how to end this shit sorry if my writing sucks :]

extra note: brownie points if people spotted the heathers reference

#thats not my neighbor #doppleganger #francis mosses #tnmn milkman #tnmn doorman #doppelgänger Francis mosses #francis x reader #tnmn francis mosses

[dysphoric-culture-is]

Not dysphoric culture, sorry, but does mod have any tips on socially transitioning, especially in school? I’m not even out yet, but I like to make plans for what I’m gonna do to make me feel less stuck in the closet, but I’ve only ever really thought about medical transition and don’t really know how to go about socially transitioning. (Afab, nonbinary, want to be perceived as neutral/masculine, if that’s any help)

Don’t apologize anon, mod is here to (try) to give advice!

Mod actually came out at school a couple of years ago (a conservative middle/high school where mod was one of the first publicly out not binary people) so. Here is some stuff.

Support:

Find a good friend group, and ideally also a decent guidance counselor who will not out you before you’re ready

Some fake friends will continue to misgender and deadname you. If this continues for months on end and you keep reminding them, they may not be a real friend

Meet other queer and trans people in your school! Join a GSA/acceptance club if there’s one! Find a trans person in your school that’s older than you and ask them for advice!!

Older trans people in your school can sometimes help you buy gender-affirming products (ex: if they can have it shipped to their house and can use their card, and then you pay them back in cash, for safety reasons etc) or queer merch.

If you want your name and gender marker to be changed in the school’s system you often have to go through the guidance department. Depending on where you live you do not need parental consent for this and do not let the guidance department bully you into it. You shouldn't need a court order either

Google classroom/digitization of education has made life harder for trans students because you will see the wrong name and pronouns listed everywhere. Schools with ID cards have this problem but worse because even if you cover up the name with a sticker, whenever your ID is scanned it will out you. Some places even require students to scan IDs to use the bathroom- a double nightmare for trans students.

Student pictures are cringe. Try to dress as gender-affirming as possible for picture day and remember that you’re likely only being photographed from the shoulders up (chest dysphoria = not your biggest problem)

Not all school systems have a nonbinary marker. Mod’s school pretended not to have one and it took some digging and anxious waiting to get one (mod has since gotten it, is one of the first students in the school’s history to have one, and is spreading resources to other trans and nonbinary students in the school community). For you anon if you can’t get an X/O/N/etc marker you can get a M, which may not be completely accurate but it might make you less dysphoric as compared to a F

Yearbooks might have pre-transition photos of you or even elementary school photos of you so try to speak to someone on the yearbook committee/club about it. Senior year in general can be a nightmare if you’re trans/nb because so many pictures are taken of you and a lot of old photos/letters are dug up

The uncomfortable stuff:

You need to use the bathroom especially if you do after-school activities. This is non-negotiable and far too many trans people (especially transmascs + nonbinary people who were AFAB) get UTIs by avoiding the bathroom all day. Using a public bathroom may be dysphoria inducing but having to see a urologist/gynecologist is much worse. But it’s true that school bathrooms suck! Find one that is the least suck-y (clean, not used very often, ideally gender-neutral) and try to use that one. Not all schools have a gender neutral bathroom, and the ones that do may only have one dirty, single-person bathroom for the entire school (like mod’s). For your case specifically anon if you feel you pass well enough/don’t pass but have enough support at school you can try to use the men’s room. The thing about using the men’s restroom is you have to walk in with confidence (fake confidence is okay too!) and act unbothered.

Mod has never heard of a gender-neutral school locker room, at least below the college level, ever. The good thing is that a lot of students no longer have to change for gym, or that some schools will give nonbinary students the option of changing in the gender neutral bathroom instead. (At mod’s school, their ‘nonbinary inclusive’ policy [which likely did not exist until mod asked about it] is that nonbinary students can choose which gendered locker room they’d like to use! How very inclusive and totally not avoiding the problem! [sarcasm]) You can ask a gym teacher to keep your bag in their office or leave your bag in the gym to avoid the locker rooms.

Your peers:

They might be transphobic, they might be supportive, or they might just not care. Either way they will probably misgender you purely because they knew you pre-transition. Mod has people in school that mod went to elementary school with and many of them are literally the worst. It's a horrible feeling to know that some people will always see you as [deadname and what your AGAB was] even if you 'pass' or correct people. But unless you transfer to another school there is nothing you can do about that.

Just find people who support you, ideally fellow trans people, and ignore those guys.

Transitioning:

You've probably seen a bunch of tips for gender presentation and might have done some already. For masculine/masc-leaning neutral some are: men's clothing, shorter hair, makeup to contour, binding/packing, layered clothing, etc. Some behavioral changes are voice training (do not rely only on T to change your voice if that's your plan!), taking on more masculine speech patterns, walking more confidently, exercising (target certain areas to create a more masculine shape), etc.

The actual coming out part:

Coming out is scary. Friends can encourage you, but you also have to come out to them first.

Most teachers mod has talked to about being queer have been at least polite/tolerant about it. There hasn’t been any outright hostility, but there has been more subtle transphobia. And mod uses neopronouns in a conservative place! The only major issue was when mod sent a teacher an email about mod’s pronouns + nb inclusive curriculum and he sent the email to the principal without asking (wild stuff. He agreed to use they/them for mod, but also denied taking responsibility for his curriculum excluding queer people).

If you want to come out at school but not at home, you can email/talk to your teachers in person and tell them to call you ___ in school and your deadname/wrong pronouns in front of your parents. Some counselors will email your teachers for you if you’re scared of your parents reading your emails/searching your device

You can write your chosen name almost wherever you want! You do not need it changed it the system to use it and especially if you’re writing on paper you can use it.

You are your biggest advocate! You need to get really good at standing up for yourself. Catering to or being nice to transphobes will usually not help you. You will probably need to push people: 'my pronouns are ____' not 'I prefer ____', 'what is the policy on nonbinary students, and if one doesn't exist how are we going to make one' not 'is there a nonbinary policy', 'I will wear the _____ uniform' not 'is it ok for trans people to wear the _____ uniform', 'call me ____' not 'um I have a preferred name and it's ____ is that okay', 'how will you make room for me' not 'can you make room for me' etc. It is not rude to be assertive! Transphobes will call you rude for simply existing in a way they don't like. Make sure to be clear about what you need and don't give them room to evade your requests. Nonbinary students who will come to your school several years from now will thank you.

It’s good that you’re planning ahead for coming out anon because that can make it less overwhelming, but overthinking can also really get you. If planning your coming out (which may or may not happen soon) starts to only stress you out and not give you any joy then you maybe need to take a break.

There's a lot more stuff but this is just a general overview so if you have more specific questions please send in another ask! Good luck anon!

#not dysphoric culture #ask #mod answers #gender dysphoria #dysphoria #dysphoria tw #long post #social transition #coming out #social dysphoria #transitioning #transmasc #nonbinary #afab nonbinary #school tw #transphobia tw #misgendering tw #trans students #trans man #lgbtia #trans #nb

[asherlockstudy]

Hey! I am fascinated by your randl theories and i find your analyses quite creative and inspiring to read. But do you really think them having a romantic/sexual relationship is all that plausible? i have a hard time believing that if that were the case, assuming that they wanted to keep it secret until very recently, they would put themselves through the psychological, mythomaniac ordeal of talking so much about their personal lives on ear biscuits, (1)

Hello! Thank you for your kind words 🩷 You make many valid points and ask me to discuss a lot of things but I will try my best. Obviously I am discussing my personal understanding of the situation here - it doesn't mean that it's certainly the case. But I believe it. And if someone gets mad at me, well, sorry (not really)? I believe it. No point in pretending.

Regarding the first two parts of your ask; Do I think them really having a relationship is plausible? Yes. Completely. More rather than not. I see your points and what confuses you about the way this means they handle the situation and basically torture themselves in the process by creating a chaotic mayhem of lies, deception, pretense and steps back and forth. Here’s the thing - although there is a big plan, their approach is not all that well conceived and realised as you would expect. Rhett and Link do not seem to be totally on the same page regarding how they ideally wished to deal with this, which creates miscommunication between them and consequently inconsistency in what we receive from them as viewers. Still, I wouldn't question their homophrosyne one bit when it comes to the mythos they have built around themselves. Don't forget that they hid for ages their religious and Campus Crusade past and only talked about it 4 years ago for the first time. Before that, only those few following them since their NC days knew about it. They have also started coming clean about other stuff in the meantime like their origin story and how close they truly were during some elementary and middle school years. Those of course pale in comparison to what is at stake now, however it gives you an understanding of the slow process with which they try in sync to reveal the truth - most of it, eventually. But it also makes evident that all those years prior to this, they were very skilled at saying vulnerable stuff without ever disclosing the most sensitive parts. This is not all that hard for them because they typically hide from the viewers the stuff they also hide from their close people. All that they say in Ear Biscuits about their lives are not lies, they just withhold large chunks of truth. Did anyone ever even suspect Lily was going to undergo a very risky surgery before Link revealed it much later after its success? No. Link likes to be an open book but both he and Rhett are good at controlling and regulating what the other says, when they sense some derailment coming. And even Link can shut it when he really wants. Most of the time, if he lets something slip is because he does not care if it slips. Or perhaps he secretly kinda wants it to slip. On the other hand, even though Rhett has much more restrain, he also has the most genuine accidents because in his case most of them are real accidents.

What is their current relationship and how it evolved, how it works with other people?

(Under the cut in hopes we will avoid any potential stroke out there)

IMO they are currently in a full blown relationship which is known only to certain people and a few others have figured it out on their own. I will give you a timeline I believe to be probable. My reasoning is in short based on watching non-stop since 2016;

As they go to California and start GMM, they get closer again (they had grown a little more distant for their standards during early years of marriage and working, they have said this) and spend a lot of time everyday together and in close proximity, all while they start questioning religion more seriously as they flee the shadow of their close people's influence in NC. They are very stunted and uncomfortable and have knee jerk reactions everytime there's a moment between them but the tension is there and is palpable. After the newsical kiss in late 2013, Link finally decides to abandon religion fully and pursue Rhett by pretending he needs something casual because he's curious. In truth he always wanted something serious from the get-go but he pretends because he knows Rhett is into sex so much and by the tension between them he calculates Rhett will have trouble refusing. Rhett falls for it (it's just more sex to help a confused friend, right? Win - win - peak clowning by Rhett there) and they attempt to start a "friends with benefits" situationship. It doesn't work out all that well sexually in the beginning (awkwardness, inhibitions, maybe solidified ideas of what it means to be a dominant male and what to be submissive that they have trouble getting rid of and how this will inform their general dynamics etc), however that new situation despite all its issues rejuvenates and warms them up to each other, you can see it in all the buzzing cuteness of 2014-2015. By late 2015, they have gotten the hang of this and they also reach some mutual understanding that this is more serious than they thought, however it should remain a secret arrangement.

After they get more and more sexually compatible (Rhett learns to be more attentive and Link less vanilla), they figure out how to maintain their relationship in secret and they also make some drastic yet positive changes in their appearance (mostly Link), they then enter their sex crazed phase, which is around 2016-2018 for Rhett and 2017-2019 for Link, and is evident even in GMM. However, in the middle of this period, Rhett gets scared that they are spiralling out of control and puts a halt to their affair for the "greater good", meaning their families and their career. Although he doesn't want this, Link agrees to it and tries harder to stay away from Rhett because he also suffers from a lot of guilt while Rhett has more trouble succeeding in this despite being the one who came up with this decision. They come up with a series of very weird rules in order to stay away from each other but they often fail all the same. At some point in 2018 - early 2019, Rhett stops trying and returns fully to his affair with Link and perhaps also makes a transformative arrangement in his marriage (maybe opening it up). This on-and-off secretive guilt ridden situation going for years however (which also affects their friendship) wears Link out. Link at times tries to push Rhett sexually to his limits, because he knows this is the key to make him obsessed with him and at other times comes clean about his feelings and warns Rhett that if this keeps going like this, he will have to end all of it for good once and for all. Kinda a carrot and stick approach. Initially, Rhett tried to ignore Link's complaints and warnings, neither did he open up about how he felt despite Link’s pleas but instead preferred to unload his burden in creative projects (i.e TLCOBC and the October sketches way in the beginning). At some point he gets the wake up call, he finally talks to Link and they agree to begin the process of coming out and being properly together. Rhett does not truly want this but he's afraid of losing Link and also destroying their careers for good. The plan about a very gradual coming out is Rhett's idea - he agrees to it for Link’s sake but he asks to be the one in control to try to minimize the consequences and Link complies to this so that he won’t lose him. They release TLCOBC in late 2019, they return to the hometown for a series of videos, they release the Lost Years and the first spiritual deconstructions in early 2020. They buy the Creative House at the same time. Covid stops them right in their tracks, right at the moment they were getting enthusiastic momentum. Link withdraws to his family, full of guilt, to help Christy who is very affected by the pandemic, while Rhett realises all the more that he needs Link and climbs the walls in his absence.

In 2021 they set their plan in motion and release Hazel as the first of a series of videos that would eventually lead where we know and that were inspired by the October sketches and Buddy System, but this time they were supposed to have darker undertones just like their truth does and like TLCOBC. Hazel (which is a great project materielized strangely in tik tok shorts) flops big time and breaks their heart, especially Rhett's. They lose faith in the plan while they also start the GME project, which attempts to train viewers into seeing them in questionable situations. In 2022, there is maybe a backpedalling and second thoughts (mostly from Rhett) and they are at a loss of what to do next. Link's patience has grown very thin which causes strain between them sometimes. Link doubts Rhett’s earnestness to this day and he also doubts Rhett can give up on his wife or women in general. By late 2022, they decide to keep going with the videos, even if they don't get the reception they hope for. In 2023 they resume their effort which indeed doesn't have the results they hoped for but this time they push through. By late 2023, they decide making one video every once in a while does not help the viewers pick up on the clues and decide to wait and make a full project like a series that will connect all the dots (and I assume "be the final step") and for which they know they will be losing rather than gaining money. By things they have said, I believe they have set a deadline of coming out by late 2024 right after the series or right at the beginning of 2025. In the meantime, they plan the live GMM tour for the summer and I think there is some intention there as well. We'll see.

What do wives / families know? That's the toughest part. I now think Jessie knows more than Christy because I doubt Christy would take this so stoically. But perhaps they have reached an agreement with their wives to go on exactly like nothing happens especially in front of the relatives and friends until the last moment. Or they truly don’t know. The kids probably don't know much, maybe Lily does. The parents might have taken a hint, especially Link's, but Rhett's are also naturally suspicious and maybe have picked up on it as well. Or he talked to them. Some friends and coworkers know as they have to be in it for the plan. But who knows and who doesn’t is really the most perplexing part in this whole ordeal.

Why do they try to come out with cryptic messages? Their plan was to start really cryptic and progressively become bolder and bolder as they would get encouraging cues by the viewers, except they are not getting such cues at all. This causes them frustration towards us which they have openly expressed. The reason they have chosen the slowest, most torturous approach in the history of coming outs is because they are very aware of all that is at stake. Their families, their careers, their fortunes, the wellbeing of the about 100 employees working in Mythical. They can't just show up one day and be like "Sike! We've been a couple for ages haha". They will get canceled and demonized, they will be crucified by Christians and by fans thinking highly of them as role models and good family men and loving husbands. And some will simply turn their backs on them because they will feel so betrayed. It's going to be a considerable scandal in youtube and American celebrity circles, you know, even with the slow approach. Imagine if they did it abruptly. The shock and uproar. They try to condition the viewers to accept it, to expect it as much as possible. And another reason is that, to put it simply, they are very scared. They still have knee-jerk reactions, these are engraved into their subconscious. It feels safer to them to think they make baby steps towards their goal. Rhett especially is very afraid (he might get rejected and disowned by his family) but even Link hesitates too. And some part of it is the celebrity exhibitionism you said. I think Rhett and Link are consumed by their own love story, they think it makes for a great dramatic story, Rhett searches higher meaning in it. I believe they earnestly think highly of it and to be honest it is not at all a conventional love story, is it? I don’t blame them for this, if this is the case. But I believe the ultimate reason is fear and postponing the dreadful day.

#rhink #R&L #anon #ask

[changingplumbob]

Chopra Household: Chapter 6, Part 2

The twins make themselves pretty like their mama then after baths the family have a photo together.

If Viola is attempting to say something it will be in brackets, otherwise you can assume it's just trying out sounds Savannah aka Honeybee Mercedes aka Little Ladybug Viola aka Green Bean

We join the toddler twins who are playing on the deck.

Mercedes: I me like mama

Savannah: Mama pretty

Rahul: You two are so pretty you don’t need any make up

Mercedes turns and pouts.

Rahul: ...but I guess practicing can’t do any harm. Can you two try and be nice to Viola

Mercedes: *hums to self*

Savannah: Go car go!

Rahul: *sighs* Guess we’ll talk about it later then

Rahul heads off the porch to go tend the garden, leaving the girls to their own devices. Mercedes completes her look and is very happy with it!

Savannah: Mercedes? Viola not leaving

Mercedes: *pushes to stand* She greedy

Savannah: Need new plan

Mercedes: We mean, she go

Savannah: I not know. She not left yet, it been a whole forever

Mercedes: Maybe poop again

Rahul goes to check on his aubergine. They’re looking good but he doesn’t want to harvest them just yet. Cassandra sorts out the coop chores while Rahul helps her by cleaning and tending Seven and Turtle.

Savannah takes her turn at the makeup station while Mercedes plays with the ball and hoop.

Savannah: Poop not work last. We get caught

Mercedes: No Seven poop. We poop, make mama change us

Savannah: *giggles* then Viola be by self. I done! I look pretty like mama

Mercedes: We pretty like mama

Savannah: I go see if mama ready to play

Cassandra has been helping Rahul tend the garden but can’t resist the pull of cute toddlers.

Mercedes: Mama why we play here

Cassandra: Because we also need baths

Savannah: But we pretty

Cassandra: I can see honeybee but Papa wants us to take a nice family photo when everyone is in their pj’s

Mercedes: Me first, me first!

Savannah: But I older

Cassandra: We’ll do you right after. In an ideal world I’d be able to bath you both at once but apparently not

Mercedes takes a moment to snuggle into Cassandra’s shoulder once she’s picked up. She wipes some of the makeup on Cassandra’s top but nobody minds.

Viola wakes up from her nap feeling happy and refreshed. Rahul who had been sitting and watching her sleep scoops her up for a feed. She has the good appetite quirk and drains the bottle quickly.

Rahul: You just stay and play here for a minute green bean while I go check if your sisters are ready for a photo. If they are we can try out the new onesie, doesn’t that sound exciting?

Viola: *sticks toe in mouth*

Rahul: Great job! You are making wonderful progress on your movement, yes you are

Viola: Fe la doo doo

Mercedes: Mama have bath to

Cassandra: *giggles* I hope not *pulls funny face*

Mercedes promptly splashes water and bubbles everywhere while Savannah is engaged with her rattle.

Cassandra: *laughs* Let’s dry you off. Do you have something for while your sister has a bath

Mercedes: Yes mama, got book. Love books

Savannah: Mama mama my turn?

Cassandra: Indeed it is. One, two, three… up we go!

Savannah giggles while Mercedes grabs her book.

Savannah: Mama will Viola be in photo

Cassandra: Of course, she’s part of our family

Mercedes: *blows raspberry*

Cassandra: I heard you little ladybug

Mercedes: Viola boring

Cassandra: You’ll like her more when she’s bigger and can do stuff, I’m sure

Everyone gets changed and it’s family photo time! Matching green pj’s except for Viola who is rocking a lizard onesie. Then everyone heads to the kitchen for dinner time.

Cassandra: Damn, I need to pump again already

Rahul: You do that and I’ll fix dinner

Cassandra: but the girls-

Rahul: Will survive if they’re not fed for another half hour. You need to take care of yourself my darling *kisses cheek*

…

Mercedes has developed a new hobby. Saying nonsense to Viola and pretending it’s real speak in the hopes of confusing her!

Mercedes: You gum run poop foot

Viola: Re dan du (what)

Mercedes: Sky fly big bug say bye crash die

Cassandra: Mercedes…

Mercedes: Viola laugh, she fine mama

Rahul: What do we want for dinner ladies

Savannah: Cake papa

Viola: *coos in confusion*

Rahul: We can’t have cake for dinner, it’s not healthy

Mercedes: She talk on oven

Rahul: On the oven?

Savannah: YES! Papa cooks them on oven for us

Mercedes: YES! Pot cakes!

Rahul: *laughs* alright team, a stack of pancakes coming up

Twins: YAY!!!

Cassandra finishes pumping while Viola gurgles to herself and Rahul cooks. Then it’s time to eat!

Cassandra: Now Mercedes, what do we have to remember when we eat?

Mercedes: *laughs* Food should fly

Rahul: Food should NOT fly! Don’t be cheeky little ladybug

Savannah: Why Viola not have oven cakes

Rahul: Viola is too young to have pancakes, she doesn’t have teeth yet

Mercedes: *laughs* Viola stupid

Rahul: Mercedes! Stop being mean to your sister!

Mercedes: *pats food* She not know what I say papa

Rahul: That doesn’t mean you should say it. I’m serious you two rugrats. Viola is here to stay. It’ll be easier if you’re nice to her

Mercedes: *pouts*

Savannah: Pot cakes good

Rahul: Pancakes Savannah, pancakes

Savannah: Yes please *laughs*

Viola: *looks around sleepily*

Previous ... Next

#sims 4 #the sims #the sims 4 #simblr #my sims #ChangingPlumbobStorytime #R0902 #CassandraChopra #RahulChopra #SavannahChopra #MercedesChopra #ViolaChopra

[tricoloured-cat]

what better way to procrastinate than to write random stuff

reviewing the works that the abilities were based on

Part 1: Armed Detective Agency

I just realized that I've finally read all the works attributed to the abilities of the author's BSD counterparts, at least for the ADA. I plan to do this for all organizations in the BSD universe so I can direct my reading and actually finish something HAHA

DISCLAIMER: I am not an expert on literature, let alone Japanese literature, and my short reviews are solely my opinion as a casual reader. These are all for fun so please don't take these so seriously!

Nakajima Atsushi Ability: Beast Beneath the Moonlight Original Work: Moon Over the Mountain

This short story has the vibes of a folktale but with existential dread sprinkled throughout. The prose is calm but the agony still reverberates. I liked this more than I though I would, perhaps because of how clean it felt. Honestly this would be one of the OG works I'd recommend to a BSD fan who wants to try classic Japanese literature.

Dazai Osamu Ability/Original Work: No Longer Human

This is probably the one novel/work most BSD fans would pick up first - and for a good reason. The themes are pretty universal albeit heavy, the tone of the narrator throughout the entire novel is gripping, the translation by Donald Keene is very readable, and it's just in the most general sense a summary of Dazai-sensei's own life. The last point must be taken with a grain of salt, however, as he's a master liar - something you'll find out if you dig more into his life and other works. If you'd like to see depression in book form, this is for you.

Kunikida Doppo Ability: Doppo Poet Original Work: Doppo Collection (probably)

Here's a case of "I can't really find the original work so I'll be reviewing something else instead"

Reviewing: Those Unforgettable People

I chose to talk about this one since it's the one found in the Penguin Anthology. It's an interesting mix of forms: technically, it's a short story. However, the elements of poetry and even of the essay are present - mostly the latter, tbh. Of course the whole "ideal" thing is such a Kunikida-sensei thing that it appears it almost every story he wrote, yet somehow in this one you'll have to squint a little bit more to see it. The point of this story-essay-poem thing is at the very end (the first half is quite dragging imo) is what gives it a little oomph, but honestly I much prefer his other works (specifically Old Gen and Death).

Tanizaki Jun'ichirou Ability/Original Work: Sasameyuki

You like a slow burn? You like pain? Familial drama? Maybe you'll like this. Maybe you won't. It's a mammoth of a book that feels like a series of extremely detailed telenovela episodes - not that it's necessarily a bad thing. I enjoyed it despite the length because the way it ends, although hardly strong at all, ties the themes and messages of the novel cleanly into a single scene.

Miyazawa Kenji Ability/Original Work: Be Not Defeated by the Rain

It's a poem every Japanese elementary student would know. The message and style is so simple yet beautiful (I read Sulz's translation). It's joyful and so sunny... until I read the background on it. I cried over his work. Again. (Night on the Galactic Railroad PLS) Man I just love this author so much. But I'm not really a poem person to begin with, so take this review with a grain of salt HAHA

Yosano Akiko Ability/Original Work: Thou Shalt Not Die

The only complete translation I could find is written in painfully archaic English, so I won't comment on the style HAHA. But I do think the original was just as pointed in its words and message; its anti-war sentiments and middle finger to the Japanese emperor and military (at the time) so characteristically Yosano-sensei. It's sad she'd support WW2 later on - come on sensei WHY

Personally, however, I prefer her shorter poems, specifically the ones from River of Stars. But I'm not really a poem person to begin with, so take this review with a grain of salt HAHA

Izumi Kyouka Ability: Demon Snow Original Work: Demon Pond

It's been a while since I've read a play, and perhaps that's why I had a hard time getting through the first half - either that or it was quite lackluster as most of the actual story happens in the second half. Its influences from folktales and traditional Japanese theater (i.e. kabuki and noh) are very apparent - I wish I could have seen it instead of read it because of that. I think this is the first work of Kyouka's that I actually liked (I've read some of his short stories and one of his other plays) so I'll definitely recommend this one if you want to start with this author. There's also a movie adaptation of it that I haven't watched yet (but I do plan to). I think it could be much better than just reading it as is because of the visuals and mood setting, but a review on that soon. Maybe.

Fukuzawa Yukichi Ability: All Men Are Created Equal Original Work: An Encouragement of Learning (Sec. 1-2)

I couldn't be bothered to read the whole thing, but the essence of the ability only comes from the first two sections (which I'll be reviewing).

It's an essay that imo serves as a good introduction to Fukuzawa's philosophy. His views and arguments are built primarily on morality with logic acting mostly as a way to expound on his points. It's interesting, nothing really new for a contemporary reader, but at least it gives a nice background on the changing environment during the early years of Meiji-era Japan. Of course there are personal biases here (specifically the one with China - one of the greatest criticisms against Fukuzawa, even though he was supposedly progressive for his time) but imo that reflects some views of many Japanese at the time - not that they're right, of course.

But what about our special non-gifted boi?

I guess let's look at what one of the episodes was based on instead lol

Edogawa Ranpo Episode: The Murder on D. Street (S01E05) Original Work: The Case on D. Hill

I will tell you now: they have almost NO similarities whatsoever. Doesn't mean it's bad tho...

Okay ngl I was pretty disappointed HAHA. It's the same type of disappointment I had with Poe's Murders on the Rue Morgue (which was ironically referenced in the story) but it at least had some sense to it. I blame myself for not seeing it coming tho, given that this story is very typical of Edogawa-sensei. If you do plan to read it, however, be warned that there are implicit (?) themes that may be uncomfortable for some readers (this warning applies to most of Edogawa-sensei's work not made specifically for children HAHA).

#bsd #japanese literature #dazai osamu #nakajima atsushi #kunikida doppo #edogawa ranpo #yosano akiko #miyazawa kenji #fukuzawa yukichi #tanizaki junichirou #izumi kyouka

[amaesama]

Albedo SFW and NSFW headcanons

I write for Genshin btw. And apparently I’m at 200 followers already? Thank you all so much!

SWF

He is the most beautiful man you will ever meet.

He was carved out of chalk so every inch of his body is smooth and flawless, no birthmark or freckle or hair or anything. It’s actually kind of creepy how perfect he is, and because of the chalk he was made of he is extremely pale.

He’s anatomically correct. I’ll talk about that later.

Although he basically lives on Dragonspine, he has a house in Monstadt that he and Klee live in, it’s average sized and pretty clean, but he has an office and it’s a complete WRECK. He doesn’t let anyone go in there because it’s dangerous.

He will totally want you to live with him, he says it’s because you can keep Klee company so she doesn’t go barging in whilst he’s doing an experiment but you know it’s actually because he loves playing family with you.

You, him and Klee are basically a lil family. He never would’ve thought that he would enjoy the whole domestic thing but when it’s with the two most important people in his life it’s not like he can just not.

He’s a great cook as cooking is just alchemy. He’s very experimental so there have been times where he just brings you the wackiest dish to try out and you have no idea how he came up with it but it tastes so good.

He likes to be held. When you first came up behind him and hugged him we was very confused, when you detach yourself from him he asks you to do it again. He’s received hugs from Klee before, but she’s small and she can’t exactly hold him properly. You can properly hold him, throw your arms around him and hold him tight after he’s had a stressful day filled with failed experiments. He’ll crumple into you and put his arms around you and just fall silent.

He also won’t understand kisses at first, lips are just another part of the body, what’s so special about connecting them like this? If you explain to him that it’s a form of intimacy then he’ll try to understand, but he may need some physical demonstrations to help him out.

‘Albedo are you pretending to not understand kissing or are you just pulling my leg?’

‘My dear my hands are right here, I’m not pulling anything (:’

He’ll experiment with where he kisses you and how he kisses you for a while until he gets the hang of it, he grows to enjoy it eventually.

Sometimes he will be a bit too heavy on PDA. This is because at first he won’t understand why he can’t kiss and cuddle and make out with you in public, is it not the same when the two of you are alone? You’ll have to explain that some people get uncomfortable by couples being affectionate in public, he’s still a bit baffled but he’ll reel it in a bit.

You are most likely his first partner so you’ll have to teach him a lot of stuff, he’s a very good learner though so he’ll get the hang of it pretty quickly.

Unfortunately I think arguments with him are pretty common. These can arise for a multitude of reasons, for example misunderstandings on his part are pretty common. He isn’t particularly well versed in relationships, and he can only learn so much in books so he will get a lot wrong when you first get together. Sometimes you will feel unloved by his lack of affection and sometimes he will overwhelm you with love, it’s never his intention but please help him find a middle ground.

He is also a very intelligent man and if he is in the wrong he will sometimes be hesitant to admit it. His stubbornness can be infuriating and it will take a while for him to listen to you and see that he was incorrect.

It’s common for him to lock himself in his lab and neglect his needs, he forgets sometimes that although he isn’t exactly human he still needs to eat and rest. He will greatly appreciate it if you manage to convince him to take a break or bring him a drink.

NSFW

He’s average length and width that curves upwards, his dick is very pretty and pale with a pale pink tip. It’s perfect and ideal, just like the rest of his appearance.

He’s very inexperienced and you will be his first, the only things he knows about sex is what he learnt from Lisa when she interrogated him about his sex life. She does that.

The first time will be very slow as you’ll need to guide him and he’ll want to know what you’re doing and why for future reference.

He is a TOTAL experimentalist in EVERY sense of the word, you will never get bored with him. There are so many things he needs to try and he will keep a book recording both yours and his reactions to what he does.

He starts off with small, basic changes. He’ll test out different paces, thrusting infuriatingly slow and when he gets a reaction that satisfies him he’ll go extremely fast so that you’re eyes roll into the back of your head and you can’t even speak.

He’ll also totally edge you to see how much you can take before you’re crying and begging him to just let you cum already, but he’s like noooooooo we gotta go as far as we caaannn

Ok so I wrote this next section during my night shift at 2am so I apologise for any wacky nonsense. I was tired and I was in the middle of a 12 hour shift. The pains of being a working adult.

He’ll also try the strangest shit with you, like name anything WITHIN REASON THAT ISNT ILLEGAL and he’ll totally be up for it. That being said - he’s a massive switch. Like my mans is devoted to the art of finding stuff out so dom? Sub? Top? Bottom? He’s done it all, all in the name of research.

Totally not because he’s horny.

If you’re female bodied then I feel like he likes to get pegged. You tried it out once because he read something about about how a feminine form can adopt the sex organ of a masculine form for pleasure and he was like ‘huh! How interesting…’ so he proposed it to you and you being you were like ‘yeah sure.’

There’s totally an adult shop in Teyvat, and I feel like it’s in Fontaine because it’s based on France and no one knows romance like the French. He’ll probably get various kinds for RESEARCH.

He likes it. He likes it a lot.

Having your gorgeous body (bc you are gorgeous) above him as you thrust into him is just 😚👌. He’s also interested in his own limits, he’s not exactly human so the rules that apply to you will not necessarily apply to him. And as it turns out - he has ridiculous stamina! He can and will go on for hours until either he can’t go on or you’re too tired to go on.

Totally has a thing for cum. I link everything to his thirst for knowledge so it’s probably because he finds it fascinating how this liquid can turn into a baby. Loves cumming in you and usually he will cum at least twice each time you have sex, he ADORES the way it pours out of you with each thrust but hates how he has to clean it up.

Also if you do anal with him then please do it missionary, and if you have the resources then make him have a belly bulge he finds it so hot. And if he cums on himself??? And your cock is poking through his cum covered midriff?? Holyyy—

So yeah, massive experimentalist.

Sometimes he can let his lust for knowledge outshines his lust for you, he tries not to let this happen but unfortunately sometimes he will forget :( you’ll have to remind him and he’ll feel really bad bless his chalky heart.

He’ll learn to pay close attention to how you’re feeling and how to make sure you have the best time when yous are getting freaky.

Also please establish a safe word, he can get carried away

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin headcanons #albedo #albedo kreideprinz #albedo x y/n #albedo x you #albedo x reader #albedo smut

[madaboutmunson]

Sweet Home Chicago Series - Stupid Cupid (Part 1)

Summary for overview of the whole fic can be found here

For @eddiemonth Week 1 prompts used Parents, Observant, Bad Reputation - Joan Jett & The Blackhearts, Lost, Role Model, Crush, Warm Warnings: None that I could think of, but let me know if you feel any should be added, and I'll do that straight away :) Romance/Fluff Word Count : 13K Ao3 Link

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1959 Little Italy, Chicago

Eddie arrives at night, and unlike Hawkins, this place is still bustling. He can only imagine what it might be like tomorrow. Alive, vibrant and diverse. Everything back home wasn't. Wayne has driven him all the way here. Even though he said several times he had the money and was fine taking the bus alone, his uncle didn't want to hear it. Besides, it would be an excellent opportunity to catch up with Eddie’s Mom.

Eddie knew this was a half-truth. Wayne was a worrier, even though it cost him time and money for gas and food at rest stops. It at least meant that he knew Eddie was safe. It did give him a chance to catch up with his Mom, but this wouldn’t be a chit-chat. Wayne didn’t mean to be judgemental, but Eddie knew he wanted to check the place out, make sure his Mom was okay, and that Eddie would be OK here.

Eddie was eighteen now, a man. He’d often told Wayne he didn’t need him protecting him and his mother henning around him. But he knew that was a lie, too. Eddie was too different to not run into trouble, and they both knew that, even if Eddie had set his mind to starting over and being someone brand new in a place where he had a clean slate. He didn't have to be the loud, weird, bad kid here. He could be the quiet, unassuming budding author, and people would like him for that, not be put off by his previous self. 

Eddie was evolving. He could use this place to settle in and to mault. Rid himself of his disfunctions become healthy and normal. That's how you get ahead in life. An easy life.

He was so nervous. It had been some time since he’d seen his mom in person, though they generally stayed in touch with occasional phone calls, letters or parcels. In the last ten years since she left, maybe five Christmases and three birthdays. But she always called him.

Since he’d hit his teens, Wayne had little to discuss with his mom that Eddie couldn't communicate himself, other than the bad stuff that Eddie always conveniently left out.

Eddie had been a good kid. He just had a less-than-ideal start in life. His father was in and out of life more often than the changes of school term. There was no nice way of saying it. His dad was a criminal. Specifically a conman. His specialities lay in being charming, blending in and rustling up disguises out of basically nothing. Maybe if he had chosen the right path when he hit that fork in the road of life, he could have been a phenomenal actor. He easily imitated voices, sounds, and mannerisms, effortlessly embodying characters like donning or doffing his hat. Which made the rare bedtime stories he told masterpiece performances.

From what Eddie can recall of his parents' relationship, it was very loving, but they seemed to be stuck in the cycle of teenage love and angst over and over. One day, they would be dancing around the kitchen, gazing at one another across the table, hardly touching their food at all, or curled up on the sofa together like two love-sick kids. But the next could be a complete warzone, arguments over the same things, either his dad’s risky next job or his mom’s failure to keep a steady one. Maybe none of that would have been a problem for the two of them, but when the third part of that equation was a young, hyperactive, attention-starved, anxiety-riddled son, it just fueled the fire.

His Mom and Dad never called him a mistake, and they did give him the love they could spare, but they were very young, and Eddie came along before they’d even caught a glimpse of the vague edge of their dreams. Neither of them had great relationships with their parents. His Dad’s were distant. Disowned him for his sinful way of life, being the god-fearing people they were. His Mom doesn't even remember her mom, she only remembers her Dad, who was essentially her best friend her whole life until the Munsons muscled into the scene, and he wanted better for her. When they ran away to get married against everyone’s advice, it broke her Dad’s heart, and they never spoke in person again. Eddie guesses it made sense they would cling to one another when they must have felt like flotsam just bobbing about in the world, lost and alone.

Eddie’s dad, criminally charming as he was, never strayed from his mom. Never looked at another woman twice. His dad said that was because he had never met a girl like his mom before in his life. 

When the Munson’s arrived in Indiana, it was tough. Tougher for outsiders. That was just the way Hawkins always was. Tough as old boots. But thankfully, the Munsons lucked out because the nearest house to theirs was owned by a kind, neighbourly mechanic Widower with an only daughter.

Eddie loved hearing how his Dad’s voice would change when he remembered his mom from their youth. He, his mom and Wayne became fast friends, roaming around Hawkins together. A happy outsider trio, going on adventures, star and cloud gazing together, cannonballing into the lake. He’d recall his mom, Esmerelda, or Em as he liked to call her, was not only fun, but she could shoot better than any he knew. She would have made a great sniper. Plus, she could strip and reassemble a car engine in record time. Only sported a dress for church on Sundays. The rest of her time, she wore pants, a shirt and braces like the rest. Though usually covered with a streak of engine oil, dirt or flour. The cherry on top was just how beautiful she was. Big, piercing green eyes and long, luscious dark waves of hair that bounced around her face as she outran them both through the fields playing tag.

The three of them were thick as thieves, but as they moved into their teens, Al started to peel off into the more real dangerous side of things, which got him kicked out, and that left his Mom and Wayne, still reading stories, and letting their imaginations run riot in the skies above them at the lakeside, or inventing future dream lives for themselves on the tire swing at the Munson’s.

But the day finally came when Al got brought home by the sheriff himself. They banned him from town, so he was plunged back into Wayne and his Mom’s life with a thump. His parents wanted nothing to do with him, so his Mom’s father let him stay in a barn on his land. Though the three spent most of their days together as kids, Al seeing Esmerelda in her everyday home life enabled him to see more sides of her. Not just showing off, being goofy or tough, but kind, careful, generous, and protective. That's when he realised it wasn’t just the friendship he felt for her and decided he should do something about it. So one night, he sent Wayne back to the house for some sodas, which Wayne argued with him over, didn’t want to do at all, nearly ruined the moment, and as soon as he was out of sight. Al made his move. Shuffled closer on a hay bale and kissed her on the cheek, and as he liked to say, the rest is history.

Then he’d turn to Eddie and say, “One day, Eddie, you’re gonna meet a girl, and Cupid is gonna line you up in his sights and pow, it’ll be over for you.” Eddie would be so scared, his dad would chuckle and pull him into his lap, “I’m sorry, son, it’s not that scary, but you’ve got the genes of your mom and me. You’re a hopeless romantic on both sides, but that just means you’ll find your one easily,” he’d tap him on the chest, “Your heart is so full of love it’s gonna shine so bright for them, they’ll see it from miles away.”

Eddie didn’t realise at the time how dysfunctional his family was. When they weren’t arguing, they had the most fun together, but some of the things he thought were games weren’t that at all. They would play the weeks-long hide-and-seek game with his dad, but Eddie mustn’t tell anyone else about it. Otherwise, the game would be over. The scavenger hunts that either they would lay out for his Dad or he and his mom would follow, the prizes always being wads of cash. Or the big box of dress up he and his mom sometimes had to rifle through and take outfits to his dad so he could play too. That was the last game he remembered them playing together.

His dad had told Eddie and his mom that he’d had a vision about work, how something might go wrong. So they were to meet him at a gas station to play pretend. Though Eddie was excited, he couldn’t figure out why his mom was so upset.

His mom had made new outfits, especially for the occasion: a priest, a nun and a choirboy. They parked around the back of the building, already in their costumes, and waited for hours. Until there was a screech of tires, the sounds of yelling and running. His mom had grabbed the brown paper bag and Eddie and ran from the car to the outdoor toilet, and they hid behind the wall. In seconds, his dad appeared with a massive smile on his face, “Look at you, my angels.” he laughed, grabbed the bag, and kissed his mom before disappearing into the toilet.

More cars were pulling up, but there was more yelling and slamming. He even heard someone shouting bad things about his dad until his mom covered his ears with her hands and pulled silly faces at him until he smiled.

Then came the sirens and gunshots. Eddie remembers being so scared until his dad reappeared, “Hey buddy, it’s ok. We’re gonna pretend we’re going to church now. So just put your hands together like when you say your prayers, close your eyes, and we’ll be on our way before you know it.” He beamed a huge toothy grin at him. Eddie could see dark grease in his hair. It almost made it look jet-black. Eddie did as he was told, the other noises continued, but he kept walking until someone lifted him into his seat.

That was the last time he saw his dad. Heard from him a few times and got a couple of things through the post, birthday and Christmas gifts, usually a few months late, but as Wayne would remind him, it’s the thought that counted.

There is something strange in the space between them in the car as they pull up outside the address she’d given them. All the buildings crowded around one another, and looming over them felt like a stark contrast to the feeling within the vehicle.

Wayne kills the engine, “Ed, if you ain’t sure bout this, it’s no trouble at all to drive ya home. I’m going back anyway.” He speaks the words up at the large building.

Eddie does actually think about it, the fear of the unknown creeping up his spine. Then he looks at Wayne. He looks tired, “Yeah,” he replies, trying to hide the crack in his voice, “I’m sure. A fresh start somewhere new, I can be someone else.” He looks up into the night sky as if asking the stars to make it so.

He feels his uncle’s hand on his shoulder, “Eddie,” Wayne’s voice is quiet and full of a soft sadness, “You ain’t gotta be no one else. There ain’t nothin’ wrong with ya. You were just a kid whose life was flipped around. You did the best ya could, son.” Wayne's soulful eyes shine in the darkness.

“I coulda been less trouble,” Eddie says with a sweet half-smile to try and lessen the weight of this conversation, “I coulda been good, made things easier for myself. Coulda not had the sheriff and neighbours knocking at your door.”

“Our door,” Wayne adds and shakes his head, with a huff of acceptance, “Kid, I just want ya to know, I’d take a hundred knocks on our door at any hour, as long as you were there with them. Safe. At home,” Wayne adds, he turns away from Eddie and looks out the window, “The only good thing I ever heard about this city, Ed, was that your mama done well for herself. Everything else was bad news.”

“Uncle Wayne,” Eddie says cautiously, but the word uncle makes Wayne’s head snap towards him. He’d been calling him Wayne mostly, but when he was little, sick or upset, he used uncle as a small plea for his comfort and support. “I came here to start over. I’m not interested in getting into trouble, joining greaser gangs, or getting into drink or drugs. I just want a chance to see more. Experience more without a brand on my forehead telling everyone I'm different. In Hawkins, I stick out, here there are so many differences no one is gonna notice lil’ ol’ me,” he smiles fondly at his uncle, “I'm gonna write a book and illustrate it, and when I make my fortune. I'm gonna come get you outta Hawkins, and me, you, mama, and pa are gonna live somewhere so grand.” His dreams widen his smile at Wayne, who offers a slight shrug of a smile back.

“Well, I ain’t never been one to stand in the way of anyone's dreams, so I reckon we better get up there before your mama falls fast asleep,” Wayne gets out of the car and gets Eddie’s cases.

Eddie shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath before opening the door and stepping out into Chicago. 

He inhales deeply again, letting the city saturate his lungs, with all its good and bad. The buildings around here were so vast and gigantic that it made him feel small, but for once, that felt good. He grins up at the lights still flooding the night, some from apartments and restaurants, some from cars driving by, and the faint sound of jazz on the wind whips around the place. 

He walks around and takes the cases from Wayne, “I got this old timer,” which puts a genuine smile on Wayne’s face as they make their way to the large brick building.

He could clearly see three floors from the sidewalk, though, on approach, it looked like there might be an attic right at the top and a basement down below. On one side of the building was a set of hard stone steps that bypassed the apartment at street level and went up to the main middle floor he could see.

Eddie halts at the two big main doors like this threshold will tear him asunder, let him leave the old bad boy Eddie behind, and only leave behind the good. He sets down one case, but his hand shakes as he reaches for the handle. Soon, he feels Wayne’s hand on his shoulder again. He turns to look at him, “You got nothing to lose. Home isn’t going anywhere. You can always come back,” Wayne smiles warmly at him, and Eddie takes hold of the handle and opens the door. As he steps into the cold, tiled hallway, he feels the warmth of Wayne’s hand leave him. As he turns, he finds his uncle neatening himself up, Straightening his tie, smoothing down his jacket, and rearranging the flowers in his hand, which were starting to look a little sorry for themselves.

Eddie looks at the numbers on the doors, and it seems they have another floor to get to his mom’s place. Eddie notices on the group of mailboxes as they pass that she hasn’t opted to change her surname, and something about that makes him feel good. Despite their distance and his dad's behaviour, it wasn’t so bad she needed to cut them off entirely.

As they reach the door of her apartment, Eddie’s anxiety takes full hold, he feels his breathing shudder, and the muscles in his back burn with a new tension. He thumbs at the ring on his finger that was a going-away gift from Wayne. He’d found it in a hide on a hunt the day after Eddie told him he wanted to leave and said he thought it was a sign. It was a simple silver signet ring that Eddie had to tape up to fit his slender fingers. He kept it on his index finger so his thumb could easily reach it. The repetitive movement, who gave it to him and the gift sentiment all helped bring him back down to earth a little. He’d been using it the whole way here.

“You know what could be fun? If she sees me first, then I step aside to reveal you? Lord knows I won’t get a word in once she’s got holda ya,” Wayne beams at him, and Eddie nods, in the full knowledge Wayne was gonna take this first step for him.

When Wayne had offered to take care of Eddie, it had been because he’d been left at his grandparents for a spell whilst his mom found her footing in the city. Eddie’s grandparents were the first people he met who branded him bad simply because he was energetic and was born of two delinquents, as they called them. Wayne had told his mom, who moved Eddie to her Dad’s, and everything was fine until he started getting sick. So Wayne worked on vehicles with his Mom’s father, cared for him and Eddie and never complained. Eddie couldn’t be that good, not as good as Christian as Wayne, but he tried. He was kind to people and animals, said his prayers, and helped around the house, but school and that kind of life were too restrictive for his imagination. Wayne plied him with fantasy books and art supplies, and they worked for a while until the differences started showing.

He was supposed to like cowboys, not knights. He was supposed to play soldiers, not sorcerors. 

His Mom came back for his grandpa’s funeral but didn’t stay. She took money and trinkets and left the house, land, and everything else for him and Wayne. That’s how it had been for the last ten years. Just him and Wayne in his Mom’s old house.

The combination of grief and being in opposition with his peers had sparked a rebellion within Eddie. He was supposed to like pop music and country, not blues and rock’n’roll. He was supposed to wear his hair short, but he preferred it longer. He should have had a pick-up. He had a motorcycle. He was a one-man gang for a while, glaring at anyone who gave him a second look, spooking locals with sinister tales until he was othered because he wanted to be. Then, a few others flocked to him, and he had his own mini band of brothers. But they got out of control. It took a few sheriff visits and a near fire to reign Eddie back in and ultimately sparked this decision to move.

Wayne knocks gently on the door, the bouquet of flowers held in front of him more like a shield than a gift. The other hand behind his back reaches for Eddie’s arm. 

“Yeah?” A deep, booming voice rings out from behind the door.

“Uh, apologies, we’re looking for Ms, um, Mrs Munson. Must have the wrong place,” Eddie hears the slight tremble in Wayne’s voice and feels his hand grip his arm tighter.

The metallic sound of latches being hurriedly undone fills the hallway, the increase in speed matching Eddie’s heartbeat, until the door is wrenched open and Eddie sucks in a breath in anticipation, but with Wayne in front of him, Eddie doesn't see much at first.

“Wayne!” An excited voice calls out before she leaps into a bear hug squeeze, and Eddie laughs when he hears the faint crunch of the flowers.

“He came?” He hears his mom say in disbelief as Wayne is shoved to the side, and there she is. Older but more beautiful than he remembers.

She’s a small woman, a smirk in the place of a smile, but it radiates joy all the same. On top of her head, her jet black curls are piled on top of one another in an untamed bun, a scarf is neatly folded into a headband of sorts and tied around her head, at the top in a small bow, from under which a set of shorter curls spill out and frame her emerald eyes, rounded nose and delicate jawline.

Her hands reach forward and grab Eddie’s face, and she plants kisses on his cheeks, too many for him to count, leaving them both giggling as she moves her rough hands away and steps back again to get a good look at him, “Oh sweetheart, look at you! You look so grown up with your little suit on,” Her hand raises to her mouth, and Eddie thinks he can see the start of tears brimming, but she quickly averts her eyes to Wayne and waves them inside, “Come in. Come in. I’ll, um, show you to your room so you can drop your bags in,” As she shuts the door behind them, her arm braces around Eddie’s shoulders and pulls him in for a side hug, “I can’t believe you’re finally here sweetie, oh my goodness you are gonna love it. Sorry everywhere is a little empty, I um, I only just moved into this apartment from upstairs. Here we are,” she says excitedly, then stops, gives him another squeeze, and gestures into a plain looking room.

The wooden floor is adorned with a mishmash of rugs, there is a single metal framed bed, a desk which he can see has been stocked with stationary, a full-length mirror attached to a tall wardrobe, and next to a tall chest of drawers, on top of which sits a record player.

“I didn't wanna do too much. This is your room, so you can decorate it as you like, and I can get rid of anything you don't want or like, don't worry about that. Just wanted you to have what I figured might be essentials.” She releases him and opens up the wardrobe, “I got you a set of towels, and um,” she moves over to the chest of drawers, “Some new socks and underwear. I hope I got the size right. I did try to remember the numbers your uncle gave me,” she smiles, and Eddie begins to see how nervous she is.

“Wow, it's so great. Thank you, Mama, I mean, Mom,” Eddie corrects himself, trying to sound a little more grown up. He puts his cases down by his bed and almost removes his hat before looking nervously at Wayne and then his mom.

“What's wrong, sweetheart?” She asks, a little worried, looking between Eddie and Wayne.

“Who else is here?” Eddie asks quietly.

His mom looks at him quizzically, “No one, sweetie. It's just us.”

“But the voice at the door,” he says, pointing back to the hallway.

“Ohhhh,” his Mom says in realisation, cups her hands to her mouth and booms out, “You mean this voice?”

Eddie's shoulders relax, and he nods and laughs, shaking his head.

“Is that what you were worried about, honey?” She asks again, but Eddie shakes his head, unable to find the words.

“Emmie,” Wayne starts and looks at Eddie with a reassuring smile, “The boy doesn't much like the barbers.”

Her worry fades, and she smiles mischievously, gesturing at her hair, “Me neither.”

Eddie carefully removes his bakerboy-style hat that hid his hair and takes the clips out so that his dark waves of hair fall around his face. It’s not long like his mom’s, but it's long enough to reach the top of his shoulders.

His mom lets out a tiny squeal of delight, “Oh my goodness, you look like a little angel. Sorry, I mean, your hair looks very handsome on you, Eddie.”

“I like it this way, but I know it's not what others like. So I keep it tucked away.” Eddie advises.

“Well, no need to do that here, sweetheart,” she beams at him and takes down her hair. This is our home, and you can be yourself here, ok? You’re whole true self,” her eyes dart to Wayne nervously and back to Eddie, “I mean, your Chicago home, you know. Not like your home-home.” She laughs awkwardly, “You know what? I’ll rustle us up a quick supper and leave you boys to it.”

Eddie busies himself unpacking, and Wayne doesn’t speak until his mom’s footsteps fade away. He strolls around the room and looks out of the window, out onto the city.

“Nice view,” he says.

Eddie snorts out a laugh, “Say what you really wanna say, Wayne.”

Wayne turns around and starts picking up the clothes Eddie is laying on the bed and transferring them to the wardrobe hangers or drawers for him, “Just promise me if you wanna come home, you’ll call, ok? Don’t matter the time. I’ll come get ya as soon as I can. It ain’t no failing just ‘cus a place is too much for ya. It’s a big change, Ed, and you ain’t like ya mama. She’s like a damn rubber ball the way she bounces back from every knockdown.”

“I promise,” Eddie smiles at Wayne’s protectiveness, “Maybe you can’t see it, but maybe in a bigger place, I won’t stick out so much? I’ll stand a better chance slipping under the radar here than I did in Hawkins.” 

Wayne hums in that grumbly fashion he does when he knows he has to agree with Eddie but doesn’t want to.

“Let me just try, and I promise, I won’t hesitate to call if things start to go wrong,” Eddie reassures him.

Wayne tilts his head into view to receive the last of his knitted jumpers, “Even if that’s tomorrow?”

Eddie rolls his eyes and laughs, “Even if that’s tomorrow.” 

Once all the clothes are away, they sit together around the kitchen table and demolish the plate of sandwiches between them. Eye-opening stories for each of them, some about baby Eddie, some about his mom and Wayne’s adventures, some tales from Wayne about older Eddie’s misadventures, and even some about his Mom starting out in the city. They laugh and share fond smiles until his Mom lets out a yawn, “I’m so sorry, I’ve been up since five this morning,”

“Sorry, Darlin’, I didn't realise the time. I should get goin’,” Wayne says as his eyes nervously dart to Eddie before focusing back on cleaning away the dishes.

“Now, Wayne, you haven't gotta do that, it’s fine!” “I won’t hear non’ a that. You made the food. I can sort the dishes before I head off,” Wayne says, collecting the plates.

Eddie watches his Mom play nervously with the hem of her shirt, “You know, Wayne, it’s kinda late. You could stay if you want to? I’ve got a camp bed or the sofa. You can take my room,”

“Absolutely not! It's Eddie’s first day in the city tomorrow, and he don’t need a shadow. Needs to make his own way,” Wayne says, clearing his throat afterwards.

Eddie feels that familiar nervous swirling in his stomach as he realises he hadn't spent more than the occasional sleepover or overnight camping trip away from Wayne in the last ten years. 

This was really it.

Suddenly, he felt lost, like he was drifting away from his mooring into the unchartered waters. Nausea was a very real and present sensation. Eddie quickly gets out of his seat to help Wayne with the dishes. He stands shoulder to shoulder with him, sending him an occasional smile while humming one of Wayne’s favourite songs.

Before they know it, the dishes are done, and all that is left is goodbye.

“Don’t wave me off. Stay up here, get a cocoa in ya, and off to bed. That's an order for both of ya,” Wayne tries to joke, but Eddie can hear a slight tremble in his voice, “So um, if anything, call me, ok, doesn’t matter what it is, like I said-”

Eddie pulls him in tight for a tight squeeze as he bites back his tears against Wayne’s shoulder, “Gonna miss you,” Is all Eddie can manage.

“I’m gonna miss you like crazy, son.” He squeezes him back harder, “And speaks into his hair, “And if anything happens to you out here, you have my solemn vow, I’ll raze Hawkins to the ground, cus it’s that stupid fuckin’ town that took you away. I’ll give them hell until the end of my days.” 

“He’s gonna be ok, Wayne. I promise,” Eddie hears his mom attempt to reassure him.

His uncle squeezes him tightly one more time, pats him on the shoulders, and moves back to look at him, tears in both their eyes. Wayne swallows and wipes his eyes before turning to his mom, “Emmie, it was good to see ya. Uh. See ya later, Ed,” he says, shakes his hand, nods his goodbye to him, and leaves.

Eddie rushes to the window of his room. In the dark, he finally lets his tears fall as he watches his weeping uncle drive away.

“Gotcha, that cocoa, you’re uncle suggested, pretty plain, I’m afraid. Tomorrow, I’ll pick up some marshmallows.” he hears her set the mugs down, “May I?” She asks, and Eddie only weakly nods as he finds himself crying in his mother's arms for the first time in eleven years.

Eddie didn’t sleep well that night; he was not used to the noise, and his worries wouldn’t let him rest even if it were as quiet as back home.

He lays awake in bed, waiting to hear his Mom get up. He checks his watch, gives her five minutes, and then joins her.

“Morning Sweetheart, want some coffee?” He hears her call out as he walks to the bathroom.

“Yeah, that would be great, thank you,” he rolls his eyes a little at himself at how formal he’s being, but he’s just trying to be polite.

He makes his way to the kitchen and finds not just a coffee but a plate of scrambled eggs, too.

“You still like eggs, right?” She asks with an awkward smile.

Eddie nods happily, “Yeah. I do. Thank you.” He tucks his pajamaed self in by shuffling his chair forward with a squeak against the floor, and he instinctively winces, “Sorry.” He glances slightly up at her from the corner of his eye. She’s probably regretting this already.

She moves from the counter and sits beside him, “Hey, you didn't do anything wrong. You’re fine, honestly.” He raises his eyes to her piercing green ones, and she gives him that sweet smile of hers, “Listen, sweetheart, I get we don’t know one another too well. That’s on me. I love you, always have, and always will. Even though maybe I didn’t show it in all the ways a mother should,” she cautiously reaches her hand over his, and he pushes his hand into hers, “But I want to get to know you, as you are. Wayne filled me in on a lot, and I just want to repeat, this is our, um, Chicago home, right? And behind this door, you are one hundred per cent okay to be one hundred per cent yourself, even if you can’t do it out there. I know I can’t.”

“You can’t?” Eddie says, and he realises his voice sounds small, unlike the eighteen-year-old man he’s supposed to be.

“No way. Are you kidding me?” she laughs, “I’ve built myself from nothing here. I can do the jobs I wanna do. Manual work that doesn’t involve putting on a full face of makeup or putting up with sleazy guys. Sorry, too much. Uh. What I’m trying to say is if I acted my true, daydreaming, singing, ditzy self out there, even though I do every job I take on extremely well, no one would take me seriously. I wouldn’t be a person to call for people that live around here. I wouldn’t have been trusted to take on maintenance for this building and get this bigger apartment,” she squeezes his arm and softens her voice, “but when I step through that door. I drop all those masks. I’d go crazy if I didn’t,” she smiles at him, “and I don’t need a crazy man in my home. So just be yourself, sweetheart. Wayne has filled me in on some things you’re dealing with, but I won’t make you talk about them unless you want to. I know you want a fresh start. Just like I did when I got here, I want this home to be your springboard to your dreams, Eddie. Everyone deserves to try.”

Something about that sets Eddie more at ease, “Got it, M-mom,” he corrects, and she raises an eyebrow at him, “Mama.” He says with a happy smile, and she nods.

“Better?” She asks.

“Yeah,” he says as he moves his hand on top of hers and squeezes it, kissing her on the cheek, “Tons better,” he says, picking up his cutlery to eat. Against his better judgement, he eats exactly as he would at home, pretty much inhaling the food on the plate, as his Mom laughs and gets up to pour another coffee for herself.

“So I got a few jobs to do today. I know you said you didn’t want me chaperoning and wanted to discover the place for yourself, but I also promised Wayne I’d keep you safe, and obviously, I want that, too. So, I thought maybe you could do some shopping for me, stick to the area. I’ve even put the names of the stores down for you. When you’re done, if you want to roam around, don’t stray too far from Taylor Street, ok. That’s the kind of hub of this area, and it’s the community I know,”

“Yeah, I read about that. Is it just all Italians ‘round here then? Because of the name,” Eddie asks, finishing his last mouthful and picking up his coffee.

“No, not really. There are people from all over. Well, at one point in their family tree, but most of the people your age around here are born and bred in Chicago. It’s fascinating, really. You’re gonna have tons more things to inspire you here,” She smiles and pushes him over a piece of note paper with some money, “Feel free to grab yourself some lunch out of that too. Keep the change for yourself. Don’t wanna deprive my little wordsmith of anything,” She smiles at him in a way he’s seen before somewhere in his distant memories and something that reminds him of Wayne. She’s proud of me, he thinks to himself, and that surges him into action. 

He quickly cleans the dishes and gets ready for the day. His Mom kisses him goodbye, leaving him at his desk for a while, pondering out his window. Watching people come and go, he decides to wait an hour or so for it to quieten down. He spends time sketching out some people on the street and the buildings. His mom was right. This place had so much going on it was impossible not to be inspired, and an urge to get amongst it all sweeps over Eddie. He pins up his hair, hiding it under his hat, grabs his satchel, dumping in his art and writing supplies. Rushes into the kitchen to pick up his keys, money and jacket. 

He gives the door a shove to make sure he’s shut it properly, and confident in that, he tries to step away but finds himself yanked back because he’s closed his jacket in there.  Eddie rolls his eyes at his clumsiness and unlocks the door again, releasing his jacket and closing and rechecking it. He takes a breath, starts over, and makes his way down the stairs to the foyer, tips his hat and smiles at his new neighbours as he passes.

It’s not until he steps outside that anyone stops him. 

“Ey! You new around here, ain’t ya?” a deep voice calls out after him. Eddie’s heart is pounding. This is the first person he’s going to officially meet here as the new him. He puts a friendly smile on his face and turns to greet them.

It’s a guy who looks about his age with blond hair, most of which is slicked back in a pompadour style save for a solitary ringlet that fell down his forehead. A cigarette limply hangs from his lips as he mirrors Eddie's smile and uses his shoulder to push himself from the wall he is leaning against.

“Morning,” Eddie chirps back, “Yeah, uh, just got here last night.”

“Oh really?” He tilts his head and looks Eddie over, “Huh.” He steps forward and grabs Eddie’s satchel.

Eddie feels immediately flustered by the intrusion and how quickly this guy got into his space. He tries to laugh it off, “Hey, easy there,” he says, tugging his bag back and taking a few steps down the staircase from the man.

“Easy there,” he mimics and laughs, “You one of those squares from the university?”

Eddie tries to smile again, even though he can feel his old self just beneath the surface, ready to knock out this guy’s teeth. It must have been some sort of dumb prank, “No, I just wanted to try the city out.”

“Oh, you’re a hick?” The guy asks, narrowing his eyes. His grin grows to something sly as if he knows he’s pushing Eddie’s buttons. He jumps down to the step Eddie is on with a thud, takes a long draw on his cigarette, and blows the smoke in Eddie’s face. Eddie waves it away with his hand, making him throw back his head and laugh.

Eddie bites the inside of his cheek, repressing the urge to retaliate, turns his glare away and starts down the stairs again.

“Hey! I’m not done talking to you!” He shouts after Eddie.

“Oh, I think we’re done here, buddy,” Eddie waves back with a forced laugh.

”Was that your old man last night? Crying in his car like a little bitch?” He shouts louder after Eddie.

That does it. Eddie wipes his hand down his lower face to contain the bubbling rage within him. No one talks about Wayne like that. Not this fucker, not anyone. 

What he wouldn’t give to be able to launch himself back up these stairs and send that dick crashing down them with his fist. But he’s not gonna let this asshole ruin his new start.

He turns back and looks up at him. “Ah, there he is,” the guy says with a weird sort of relief and a satisfied grin.

“You know, friend, maybe you shouldn’t be peering in the car windows or old men at night. You’ll get yourself a reputation,” Eddie shouts back at him and watches the guy’s face drop as a passing group of kids giggle at him.

Eddie smirks up at him and sends him a wink before continuing his day, leaving him standing dumbly on the staircase. 

This place was incredible. Eddie gets most of what his mom has asked for on the list from the locations on the small map she drew him. The grocery shop was the place nearest home and looked like the heaviest order, so he’d save that for last.

He circles back and drops in the light bulbs and various cleaning stuffs, and as it’s nice out, instead of staying cooped up inside, he decides to sit on the stairs and sketch some of the scenes around him as he munches on the sandwich from the deli.

He spots a group of girls over by a bench. Two are sitting down. One a light brown Italian-style haircut, like Sophia Loren, her big blue eyes bore into the pages of the book she's reading. Beside her is another girl trying to get something out of her light, mousy brown hair. Though their purposes seem different, they seem to be conversing, and the third, a girl with red hair, has decided to pretend the kerb is a tightrope and keeps her balance walking along it.

Eddie smiles to himself and gets to drawing. He should be trying to think of a main character for his story and draw that, but the inspiration hasn’t hit him yet. This place has too much he wants to capture. Maybe he should see if his mom has a camera or something.

Lost in the piece's details, he overlooks the shadow looming over him, and he’s too late to grab his sketch pad as it is snatched away from his lap. 

“Hey!” Eddie shouts and tries to grab it back, but the problem quickly becomes evident. It's the guy from earlier, only he has two other guys with him this time.

“Geez, what even is this shit,” he sneers at Eddie's drawing and shows it to his friends, who laugh along with him.

Eddie is so over this bullshit already, “Ok, you don’t like it. Fine. Just give it back, ok? And I’ll get away from your stairs, or whatever it is that's making you so upset,” he sighs and extends his hand towards him.

The blonde glares right into his eyes. He licks his teeth and spits on the ground before looking back at Eddie. A sinister smile spreads over his face again as he holds the pad aloft and turns his attention to the girls, “Hey! Ladies! Did you know you were all being perved on by some creep?” he yells over to them.

Eddie springs into panic, waving his hands in front of him. “Oh my god, no. It's not like that at all. I swear,” he frantically pleads with them as they frown at him and walk away, leaving the guys cackling amongst themselves. Great. Day one, and he’s already a fucking creep. What the fuck was this guy’s problem, anyway.

The guy plucks the cigarette out of the freckled boy's mouth and stubs it out on Eddie’s sketch pad, “Oops, better put that out, hadn’t I?” he drops the pad to the steps, stomps on it, grinds his boot into the pages and kicks it over to Eddie.

Eddie’s blood is boiling with rage, but he also feels like he could erupt into tears simultaneously. This was absolutely fucking ridiculous. Why couldn’t he just have this chance? Maybe he’d been so bad all the gods and the universe decided he doesn't get a do-over, and he has to pay for all the trouble he caused.

He looks at the trio and wonders if this is how Hawkins saw him and his gang. A cloud of terror just drifting to cause trouble and leave. Though Eddie never bullied anyone, he did annoy most businesses in town with his antics.

He picks up the pad and dusts it off, putting it in his bag, and he’s about to walk away, but he just can’t help himself. He turns back, eyes this dickhead with absolute disgust, “What is your problem with me anyway? I just got here. I’m not looking for trouble or trying to muscle in on anything you’ve got going on,”

They laugh, and the freckled one smirks, “How the fuck could you muscle in on anythin’? Look atcha. Nothing but an itty bitty weakling,” he jeers.

The one with shorter, cropped blond hair and narrow, icy blue eyes mimics him, “What's your problem with me anyway?” 

The main guy has a satisfied smirk, “I’ll tell you what the problem is,” he says, grabbing Eddie by the shirt and pulling him in close, but Eddie doesn't cower and does not retaliate, just coldly stares right back at him. 

The guy looks Eddie’s face up and down. Like a closer inspection, now he's only inches away from it, “My problem is, I don’t like creeps on my block,” then he leans in to whisper in Eddie’s ear, “And also…I know what you are…Freak!”

Eddie’s stomach churns at the thought of what this guy could have already deciphered about him so quickly. Could he just be talking about the drawings, that he wasn't from here, or he wasn’t dressed right?

He jolts backwards out of his grip as the guy smugly tilts his chin in the air, the victor.

Not wanting to add to today's problems, Eddie simply gathers his things and decides to get the groceries.

The group blocks his path down the stairs, saying, “I’ve got things to do. So if you kindly let me pass, I can be on my way,”

“Don't be too long, now. We’ll be here waiting for when you get back,” the main stocky guy teases.

Eddie hurriedly bustles his way past them, briskly walking away, and doesn't look back. Not even once, as his pulse thunders in his ears. The city seems to swell and contract as the anxiety starts to weave its way into him, and he might have walked right on by the grocery store if not for the uneven sidewalk.

He manages to get his hands in front of him, preventing his face from meeting the pavement and scrambles to his feet.

“What? Not even a postcard?” A thick Chicago accent rings out. Eddie starts to feel the defensiveness rise in him. He’s going to give this joker a piece of his mind. It's only his first day here, and already, it's going to hell. It's a stupid joke, anyway, which makes no sense at all because he didn't trip. He fell. Couldn’t this moron even see that? He dusts off his new clothes and notices a small tear in the knee. And that might be the final straw. Eddie screws up his face in rage. Fists clenched at his sides, one finger extended, ready to point right at this guy.

“No! Not even-” Eddie begins angrily as he turns to the voice. But all language and oxygen leave him, and all he can do is take one gulp of an inhale like a human goldfish.

Standing in front of Eddie right now is something he can barely comprehend. A miracle has occurred, and it doesn't seem like the rest of the world has noticed because it's carrying on like this isn’t even happening. He can vaguely hear the cars and the shouts of others, but they are all starting to dwindle. It was like someone was turning the volume down on planet Earth, and all he could hear was his own heartbeat and breathing.

Then, almost like a vignette is placed over his vision, blurring and darkening the edges, he can only focus on one thing.

The man of Eddie’s dreams.

Physically, at least.

He is right there.

Like the great animators in the sky plucked him out of his mind and drew him into existence.

Had he not put his hand out in time? Was he, in reality, currently knocked out by the fall, and that's why he can see this guy now?

He’s about the same height as Eddie. His hair is neatly cropped, not shoved away and hidden under a hat like his own. It’s side-parted, with a perfect swoop of brown, neatly combed and styled hair. Save for a few strands that hang over his forehead, rebelling against the pomade. His light brown eyes are shaped with a slight slope downwards, giving them a natural, hooded, adorable sadness, just like Elvis himself. But these are larger, which made them infinitely easier to get lost in. But there isn’t an ounce of sadness in the rest of that face as a cocky open-mouthed smile spreads across it. Tucked in the corner of his lips is a toothpick that rolls, as his tongue is idly toying with from inside his mouth as he looks Eddie up and down. 

Then there are those rose-blushed lips of his. They looked so soft, in direct opposition with the perfectly chiselled jaw they rested above. And all of this with a backdrop of olive skin littered with beauty marks. As if this guy needed any more indicators of how beautiful he was. Jesus.

Eddie dares to give him a rapid look up and down, and it is also awful news because not only did they give him the face of an angel, but they had to provide him with a body that would launch a million classical sculptors across all time into action. His shoulders are broad and sit atop two very pleasantly muscular arms. The white cotton t-shirt embraces them, one tighter than the other as it's rolled a little higher to hold his pack of smokes. The fabric stretches over his chest to reveal the mounds and dips of an anatomical landscape that Eddie is sure he would happily sit and admire for longer than any national landmark this fair country had to offer. Then the killing blow by this everyday garment is struck by how it falls and clings to his stomach, revealing he’s even got a slightly soft tummy. Eddie is starting to feel light-headed. This cannot be real.

Then Eddie notices something else, he’s wearing an apron, and in his arms is a crate of apples. He fucking works here. Oh god. Oh, god, no! Eddie starts to feel like he's overheating, and he’s eyelids flutter unintentionally.

“You ok dere, buddy?” The man’s smile and amusement take an eighty per cent plummet as they look over Eddie with concern.

He’s overwhelmed by everything happening right now, the whole day of mistakes leading up to it, questioning if it was even the right choice to come to the city in the first place. If all of these things were glaring warning signs, pointing him to go back home to Hawkins, stop chasing stupid dreams, and get a job with his Uncle Wayne at the factory. And this…this man at his local store of all places spelt trouble for him. No matter how hard he tried, he wasn’t good at hiding his thoughts or feelings. 

That was it decided. He would turn around now, go pack, and go home. This was a stupid idea. Eddie feels a tightness across his shoulders start to spread, his palms heat up, and he realises he’s been staring into space for the last few seconds. 

He tries to run, but his legs suddenly feel like lead, and though he’s stopped, the world spins around a few more times. Instead of the street being in his eye line, the horizon starts to fall, and all he can see is the sky before he feels his back hit something, but it's not hard like the ground. Soon, the horizon returns, as does the street and the face of an angel, moving him to sit on the ground outside the store, next to a pyramid of oranges.

“I need ya to sit right here, ok buddy. I’m gonna get ya some water, alright?” the angel’s mouth moves, and Eddie watches it seriously to make sure he can hear every one of his precious words.

He pats him on the shoulders, steps toward the store door, and pauses before looking back and tilting his head, “What's ya name?”

He is still a little dizzy, but he knows the answer to that question, “Eddie.” he replies quickly. 

The man smiles hugely and repeats his name like he’s testing it out. He places his toothpick behind his ear, “I’m Stefano, yous can call me Steve. Most do,” he gives him a little two-finger wave and disappears inside the store.

Eddie nods a dopey smile of thanks and then tries to take in his surroundings but nearly snaps his neck, looking back just as the guy goes through the door. Holy heck. Turns out it wasn’t just the front of this guy that was stunning. Eddie blows out a breath and stares at the ground. Yeah, this was bad, very bad. He needed to get his things and go home. Maybe getting knocked out by three guys might be slightly less painful than what this situation could be.

Eddie wobbles to his feet and walks to his bag and drawing equipment strewn across the sidewalk.

“EY! I thought I told you to sit right ‘dere?” Steve orders with a loud authority, and there is a clatter of something wooden.

“I’m fine, really,” Eddie says quickly, avoiding looking at him.

“You ain’t fine, buddy. You near hit da deck twice!” Steve says, grabbing his elbow and pulling him back towards the store. Eddie’s eyes turn to him again, and he feels all resistance leave him entirely and is seated on an upturned wooden container. Eddie notices that Steve has made a makeshift table and two chairs entirely out of crates. 

He can’t resist looking back over at him as he bends over to pick up Eddie’s things from the ground, and an internal battle rages as Eddie has to force himself to look elsewhere. This guy had been kind, so far anyway, so it wasn’t right to gawk at him, and also, Eddie shouldn’t be ogling guys. That was a one-way ticket to getting your head kicked in town.

Eddie’s stomach drops as he sees Steve stand and observe the sketch pad as he walks back over to him, “Oh…er… it's not what you think. I swear,” Eddie quickly defends.

“What? That you ain’t an artist?” Steve looks up at him, confused.

“No, well, kinda. I men. Fuck. I mean, “ As Steve’s eyes meet his own with a smirk, he gets lost in his eyes again, “Shit, I don't know what I mean.” He says finally with what he is sure is the dopiest, enamoured smile on his face.

Steve sits on the crate opposite him and hands him back his things apart from the pad he’s still observing. Eddie follows his eyes as they trail over the paper and watches his beautiful long lashes bat as he blinks. He vows to draw them all night until he has a perfect version and then hide it in an old tome in the national library so they’ll never be forgotten by time.

“OK, first, your soda. Hope dats alright. I thought yous might need the sugar,” he turns and whacks the cap off the bottle against the store window ledge. The muscles in his arm visibly flex as he does so and offers it over to Eddie, who accepts it gratefully and quickly diverts his eyes to the bottle itself.

For a second, Eddie's fingers brush against Steve’s, making the skin tingle like there is static between them, and he finds himself avoiding his eyes again as he drinks.

Eddie has not been shy since he can remember. He’s an all-singing, all-dancing, one-man vaudeville extravaganza, and he was trying to be a quieter, more reflective version of himself, but he wasn’t trying to be shy. But this guy made him feel goofy. Like someone had injected him with pure intoxication. Eddie knows he should stop biting the inside of his lip and stop staring, but he feels like it’s out of his control. The universe had put this heavenly body in Levis before him, and what was he supposed to do? Reject the gift? Force his way out of its orbit? No, but he didn’t want to repay the guy's kindness with his weird staring, so he kept trying to focus on other things. Anything that might save him from the flawless man realising he was appreciating him in a more than friendly way.

Eddie figures he must be doing an okay job. The guy hasn’t exhibited any of the usual aggressive tells Eddie had learned in Hawkins. When you're eager for a kiss or to dodge a fist, you learn to be observant of that shit quickly.

Steve tilts his head into his eye line, and once he has his attention, he moves it back to upright and smiles and asks, “Now I got a coupla questions, alright witcha?” Eddie nods in agreement as his eyes obediently follow him, as does the same smile he can’t seem to wipe from his face.

“You don’t sound like yous from here. You lost?” He asks.

Eddie shakes his head, “Nah, not lost. Not at all,” he means that he feels found when Steve looks at him, “But I did only get here last night,” Eddie offers up freely, and part of his brain is too slow to protest the fact he shouldn’t be telling a stranger more than they ask for.

Steve’s smile widens, “Dat makes sense,” Eddie watches his fingers trail over the paper where the cigarette has burned the pages, and a fresh feeling of embarrassment floods him. He could have taken the three of them. This guy sure wasn’t going to be impressed when he found out he’d effectively run away.

“It does?” Eddie asks, suddenly eager to have Steve look at him again.

“Yeah. I ain’t seen you before. Woulda remembered,” Steve sends him a charming boyish smile as the toothpick in his mouth moves from one side of his mouth to the other, “So, uh-“ he starts but is quickly interrupted.

“STEFANO!! ‘Owa, long is it gonna take for yous to finish the apples, eh? We’ll have a whole orchard ina here beforea you’re done. Amonini!” A woman’s voice rings out loud and clear, bursting the dreamy bubble Eddie was sitting in.

He looks over for Steve’s reaction. His eyes are wide, and a faint blush hits his cheeks and jaw, “‘Scuse me, Eddie,” he pockets Eddie’s pad in his apron and returns to the crate of apples Eddie had seen him carrying. He sets it out on the sloped display and is about to sit back down when he’s stopped in his tracks again.

“Stefano!! Why you no answer me?” The woman’s voice calls out again, annoyed and getting closer. Eddie watches Steve close his eyes slowly and slams down the second crate.

“IM DOIN’ IT, MA!” He yells back at the top of his lungs, goes back inside and re-emerges with another few crates piled up on top of one another.

“Urgh dissa boy, I swear. STEFANO!” Eddie hears the woman very clearly now, even though she isn’t shouting, and he looks up to see an open window she must be upstairs.

“MA! I'M DOING IT ALREADY!” Steve yells back, his beautiful brow frowns petulantly as he roughly shoves the crates into the display in an adorable little tantrum.

“Why you take-a so long? Huh?”

“Ma! I just fucking stepped foot out here! Gimme a fuckin’ chance! I’m only one man! Jesus!” 

“STEFANO EMILIO HARRINGTON, Don-na tell me you takin’ Jesus’ name in vain,” her voice travels around the place until Eddie hears the sound of footsteps and the ring of the bell as the door is yanked open. A woman’s face emerges. Initially, she looks furious, “Listen to how my son talks to me. You heara dat? What kinda terrible mother have I been to deserve that? Oh, the worst!” It feels like she says it to Eddie, but her words could have been for anyone in earshot.

Eddie's eyes turn to Steve, who, though now quite red in the face, probably from carrying all those crates around, is having some kind of absolutely silent conversation with his mother. It was the complete opposite of the yelling match they were just having. They gesture their hands in pointed, stern ways at first. Fingers pinched together, their eyes and faces express some kind of disagreement that soon dissolves to calm, and his mother’s eyes turn to Eddie for a second before she turns back to Steve and drags her thumb down her cheek with a big smile at him. He shrugs and looks a little bashful. She nods and goes back inside.

He watches Steve take a deep breath, and he walks over to sit back down on his crate seat, “Sorry ‘bout dat. So, uh, are you an artist den?” He pulls the pad back out and places it between them.

The sudden intrusion of Steve’s mom seems to give Eddie some of the English language back, “ I, um, yeah, I like to draw, but I wanna write,” he says and takes a swig of his drink immediately after speaking, to prevent himself from waffling too much.

“Oh, like for da paper?”

“Uh, well, maybe,” Eddie cannot bring himself to tell this beautiful being he’s wrong, “But books mostly. Stories and things like that,” now he feels that shyness again. Sometimes, it feels dumb to talk about his dreams out loud. Steve probably thinks he’s an idiot without a real job, but there isn’t a crumb of negativity on Steve’s face, just a broad smile.

“O’ course, you write stories and draw. Course ya do,” he says with a happy shake of his head, “Well ya know, if, er, yeah, I can always put a word in for you at da paper. I knowaguy,” Steve offers kindly, and Eddie can feel himself falling in love with how he talks with every word he says, on top of how kind and beautiful he is.

“Gee, that’d be swell,” Eddie says, unable to hide his gigantic grin.

Steve taps his finger on the pad, “I think. I might know these girls,” though Steve says it with a smile, Eddie freezes. Worried this man’s initial kindness was going to sour quickly now. He probably thinks the same as the guy outside his building. He feels such an idiot for drawing it in the first place, but he doesn’t see anything wrong in it because, for starters, one was an actual child, and the other two were beautiful. He could see that, but the same way he’d feel about a sunset or a lovely tree, not beautiful like attraction, not like he felt about Steve, but he couldn’t just tell someone that, so he plays along.

“Oh yeah?” Eddie keeps it short and tries not to make this worse than it needs to be.

“Yeah, dis one with da book. ‘Dats Nancy, she used to be my girl,” Steve says, not taking his eyes from the pad. Eddie's space rocket of impossible dreams explodes before it even leaves the stratosphere and sends his stomach plummeting. What did he expect, though, really? Steve’s finger moves across the paper, and he taps the heads of the other two girls, “Deez two, my sisters.” Shit. Eddie feels the need to run. This guy is gonna flip out any minute and probably crush his head like a melon between two of these wooden crates. But both through fear and the fact that Steve raises his soulful brown eyes to meet his, he stays put.

He knows he should say something, but he’s struggling to find the right watertight words and has no chance of being misunderstood. But he can’t think straight when he can see almost every small pigment detail in Steve’s eyes and presses his lips together, afraid he might just say something about them instead.

A loud slam of a car door pushes a word out of Eddie, “B-beautiful,” he blurts out.

“Oh,” Steve replies and pushes the pad over to Eddie. The smile fades from his lips, and Eddie hates it, so he just lets his motormouth let rip.

“The scene. I mean. The scene was beautiful. Not the girls. I mean, yes, they are beautiful, but I don't mean in that way. They were together but so different, and when I sat down to draw, they were perfectly framed from where I was sitting. I was inspired by them, you know? Like a nice tree or something. Back home is so different from here. All I had to draw sometimes were nice trees. I don’t know why I’m telling you about nice trees. I’m just saying that I didn't mean any harm. I know better now. I won’t do it again. I swear. This city has plenty more things that are inspiring. I just thought they looked kinda like if a personality was a group of people. I thought that fit this place because it's a huge mixture of cultures, sounds, and sights.”

Steve’s eyes don’t leave Eddie’s, “Da girl holdin’ the book. Dat’s Nancy. We used to date a while back. She’s real smart. I reckon yous two would get along real well. I could introduce ya if you want?”

“Oh god, no!” Eddie says way too quickly, with a laugh, “I mean, no, thank you. I’m not looking for a girl. I mean, I’m not looking to date right now. But thank you.” he awkwardly recovers as quickly as he can. Well, at least hopes he has. He thinks maybe he’s slightly successful as Steve leans forward a little to rest his chin on his fist, and a smile reappears.

“You know, maybe you could do it from here next time you wanna draw or write? ‘Deres normally a table, but I had to take it inside to fix somethin’ on it,” Eddie glimpses through the window of the store and quite clearly can see two elderly gentlemen playing checkers on it, “It’d be nice to have a creative type use it, prob’ly attract more people like ‘dat. If you wan’ I mean,” he says kindly.

Eddie can’t believe his luck. Yeah, sure, today had started off a complete mess, but now he had a movie-star-looking guy, basically saying, spend time with me every day, doing what you love. If it wasn’t for how Steve flips the toothpick around in his mouth, Eddie would have been completely lost in his eyes and swooned clear off the crate in front of him.

“Gosh, that's really kind of you. When are you usually here? Every day?” Eddie asks, maybe a little too enthusiastically, which makes Steve laugh, and it might be sweeter than morning birdsong to Eddie’s ears.

“Well-” Steve starts but is interrupted as the bell above the door rings again.

His mom emerges with a tray of coffee and tiny cups. This time, Eddie jumps to his feet to introduce himself properly and not just sit and stare. He quickly neatens up his clothes and clumsily tries to angle his leg, so it hides the tear in his pants. He almost laughs at his eagerness to impress her. He supposes he is new and wants to make a good impression, but he knows it's more than that. He knows that his fantasy brain is running away with him again, trying to impress the object of his affection’s mother. Like this could ever be a thing.

The small woman has beautifully coiffed dark brown hair, and her eyes look just the same as Steve’s, except her’s are expertly lined with makeup. She beams at Eddie as she sets the tray on the crate, which wobbles, and Steve rushes inside the store momentarily. Leaving Eddie and his mom smiling awkwardly at one another for a moment. Eddie can hear some raised voices but can’t make out any of the words the raised voices are exchanging and figures they must be talking in Italian. The two elderly men from inside emerge, grumbling. One with the checkerboard under his arm storms out first, followed by a second, who flicks his hand under his chin at Steve, who laughs and yells after them, “Well, if yous two ordered more dan a biscotti to share every day, den maybe you’d keep the table!” he shakes his head, “Fuckin’ stunad,”

“Stefano!” his mom reprimands him as he exchanges the crates for actual furniture. He seats his mom first as if that doesn't make Eddie’s heart beat faster with how sweet he is. He looks at Eddie and then down at the tray, and for a second, Eddie can’t do anything except look back like he’s hypnotised or something, but his mom coughs daintily, and Eddie realises what he needs to do and lifts the tray, as Steve swaps in a small table, and goes rushes back into the store and virtually jumps down the steps on his return, puts a chair one side of his mom, and then walks around to where Eddie and set down the last chair.

“Ma, dis is Eddie,” Steve whacks him hard on the back, and Eddie has to pinch his lips together in a smile to stop the oof from being expelled from them, from the sheer force of it, “He’s gonna be a big shot writer, ain’t dat right, Ed?”

Eddie dared not look at Steve right now. He was so close he felt the breath that contained his abbreviated name against his cheek. He keeps his eyes on Steve’s mom and offers an upturned hand towards her. She looks at him strangely but obliges him, putting her hand in his, and he kisses the back of it.

“A pleasure to meet you. I’m sure gonna try to make it at least,” he smiles back as she raises an eyebrow at Steve with an impressed face, and Eddie feels like this is his first shoot and success of the day.

But he’s not ready for feeling Steve’s warm hand slide against the small of his back as he guides him down into his chair and tucks it in for him, “Dere you go, much better, right?” Steve says happily as he returns to his own seat, and Eddie’s eyes obediently follow him all the way there, but when Steve’s eyes catch his again, he quickly looks away.

“You look, uh, wassa the word, similar,” his mom says, pulling his attention from the mosaic pattern on the tiny cups and saucers.

“It’s familiar, Ma,” Steve corrects, gently pouring the coffee into the cups from an odd-looking contraption.

“Ah, yeah, familiar,” she moves a finger quickly in front of her face, “Your eyes.”

“Oh, maybe you know my Mama, I mean mom,” Eddie says, quickly correcting himself again, but Steve and his mom exchange a happy look with one another and then back at Eddie, so he figures maybe they at least found it amusing rather than stupid.

“What's her name?” Steve asks, passing a tiny cup and saucer to his mom first and then to Eddie.

“Esmerelda,” Eddie tries, but two blank faces look back at him, “Uh, Esmerelda Munson, she lives right over there,” Eddie points out the building as he turns behind him.

The clatter of a teaspoon makes him spin around quickly to two now stunned faces.

“You're dat Eddie? Mrs Munson’s boy?” Steve asks hurriedly. 

Though the fear swirls in his gut that maybe his reputation might have preceded him, he’s in too deep to lie, “Yeah, you know her?” he says, swallowing nervously.

Steve’s mom claps her hands together, holds them up to her mouth like she's in prayer, and looks up to the canopy above them with a big smile.

“We sure do,” Steve grins, “She helped us out a lot when Pa passed. She’s a real kind lady.” 

“I’m sorry to hear that. That must be difficult,” Eddie adds somberly as he watches how Steve drinks from the small cup and saucer and copies him. He understands immediately why this stuff is sipped and is in such tiny cups. It's much richer than regular coffee, almost thicker, and sweet too. It's delicious. Eddie can’t help himself and takes another sip immediately and lets out an involuntary sound of appreciation before setting down his cup.

“Si, a real, uh, ball-busta,” Steve's mom says happily.

Eddie nearly chokes on thin air as Steve complains, “Ma! Jesus! You don’t say that!” but Eddie can’t help laughing.

“Yeah, I guess she is a bit,” he beams at Steve’s mom, who pats pinches his cheek.

“Biddicchiu,” she laughs with him as Steve passes her the sketch pad and juts his thumb towards Eddie. Her eyes scan over the paper.

“I said Ed was welcome to work from here if he wants,” Steve says, “Hope dats ok?”

His mom nods, then gestures to the cigarette burn on the paper and the scuff marks. She speaks to Steve in Italian. Eddie guesses that because he can’t understand much, but he recognises her anger when she points her hand sharply at Eddie’s building, frowns deeply, and taps her temple. Eddie stays quiet and watches Steve reassure her.

“Can I have dissa one?” she says, gesturing at Eddie’s drawing.

“Yeah, but I can draw you a better one than that, on nicer-” Eddie starts, but she has already torn out the paper and folded it away in her own apron pocket.

“Ma says you’re welcome here anytime,” Steve smiles at him. Eddie is pretty sure there is more to what his mom said than that, but he doesn't want to press it, “We live just above here, so, uh, it dont matter what da time is, you know? One-a us’ll be here.” 

“Thank you, that's real kind,” Eddie says politely.

Steve's mom grips Eddie’s shoulder, looking at him seriously, “Listen to me, don-a talk widda, those boys over there. They no good. You come here, we not mucha further. Then your mama, no worry,” Eddie nods, and her red lipstick smile adorns her face again, “Besides, we gotta good food, better coffee, and a much nicer view, uh?” Eddie follows her eyes to Steve, who is blushing. Maybe he’s a bit embarrassed because he’s also had a run-in with those guys.

“Yeah, much better,” Eddie agrees, and Steve’s mom pats his cheek.

“Smart boy,” she says happily and looks up at Eddie’s building again, “I think deeza buildings so close you could see Stefano’s window from yours,” Eddie has no idea why she’s blessing him with this information, but his brain rapidly works out that he could probably see it from his own bedroom.

“MA!” Steve says in alarm and nudges her, then hurriedly clears up the tray as she lets out a melodic laugh, clutching her sides. Her eyes trail after him as he goes inside.

She turns back to Eddie, “My boy, he's good. Make you-a good friend. Yes?” She asks and puts a finger to her cheek and twists it around. She looks encouragingly at him, “You like?” She repeats the gesture against her cheek.

“Yes,” Eddie says enthusiastically. Even though he doesn't just like it here. He loves it here. They’d been so friendly and obviously tried to not think about the other things he liked about here.

“Si,” She says, takes Eddie's hand, and makes him mirror her gesture.

She lets go and tries again, “You like?”

“Si,” Eddie repeats and actions the gesture himself this time. She claps her hands together happily.

As Steve rejoins them, she starts talking at him, rapidly gesturing with her hands between himself and Steve. He can pick out his name and cafe, which he thinks must be related to coffee.

“Alright, alright, geez ma,” Steve says, looking a little confused at her and then turns to Eddie, “Before she has some kinda fit aboudit, she wants me to ask if yous liked the espresso,” Steve looking at him with a bashful smile.

Eddie is nudged in the ribs by Mrs Harrington, who nods encouragingly at him again. He cautiously raises his finger to his cheek and turns it, “Si?” he says awkwardly and looks between them.

At first, Steve's mouth parts ever so slightly, like he's going to say something, then his eyes move to his mom, and he shakes his head but can’t seem to wipe the smirk from his face.

The bell over the door rings, and they all turn towards it, and the customer that just entered. Steve stands, but his mother shakes her head at him and gently pushes him back into his seat as she stands up. At the door, she turns back to Eddie, “If your mama worksa late, you come eat with us.” That didn't sound like a question to Eddie, but he nodded anyway. She tuts and tilts her head at him, a playful frown on her brow.

“Si,” Eddie tries again, and she looks delighted as she ruffles Steve’s hair and walks into the store.

“Sorry about dat,” Steve says, picking at the table, “She’s a a lot sometimes.”

“Oh, I didn't mind at all,” Eddie replies truthfully, and suddenly, he remembers why he was coming this way anyway, “Oh god, food. Yeah, I have to get food, that's…” Eddie rummages through his things and finds the notepaper.

“Want some help?” Steve asks, standing at the same time Eddie does.

“No, you’ve done so much already. I couldn’t keep taking up your time like this,” Eddie laughs awkwardly, but all he really wants to do is say yes.

Steve waves his hand, “It’s no trouble for a paying customer,” He says and walks towards the steps to the store with Eddie. As they reach the door, Steve pushes it open for him, “Allow me, Sir,” he chuckles and follows Eddie inside.

Steve guides him around the place, helps Eddie find everything on his list, and puts an extra small box on top as he rings up the groceries.

“What's that?” Eddie asks curiously.

“Cannoli, your Ma likes ‘em,” Steve answers as Eddie places the money in his hand, trying not to let his fingers linger against his palm longer than they should.

“I’ll make sure she gets it,” Eddie smiles, unsure exactly what it was, but he’d be sure to pass it on, all the same.

“Want me to walk you home? I’ll make sure Billy, Jason and Tommy don't give you any trouble,” Steve says, leaning over the counter towards him.

Something about that made Eddie’s heart race, but he didn't want to appear weak, “No, it's fine. I’m used to it, just it was my first day here, and it kinda got to me, is all.” And that doesn't feel like as much of a lie as it seemed. Having this oasis of safety with Steve and his family didn’t make the thought of Billy and his goons seem so awful.

“You still gonna come by tomorrow?” Steve genuinely asks, his eyes big and innocent, scanning over Eddie as he gathers the grocery bags.

“Yeah, course I will,” Eddie answers like Steve asked him the most ridiculous question in the history of all mankind, “I feel pretty inspired again already,” Eddie smiles fondly at Steve, who was rapidly becoming one of his favourite things in the universe.

“Yeah?” Steve says, plucking the toothpick from behind his ear and putting it back in his mouth, “I reckon dis place could maybe be a great beginning…for your story, I mean,” he says, walking around the counter and holding the door open for Eddie again, following him outside.

“Tomorrow then,” Eddie smiles at him, trying not to sigh because tomorrow already felt too far away. Steve nods back, and Eddie catches a glimpse of Steve’s mom in the window. He gives her a wave and starts walking back to the apartment.

As he reaches the corner, he looks back. He can see Mrs Harrington buzzing and fussing around Steve, who looks like he is laughing and pretending to fight her off. He smiles to himself, and with the staircase of the building clear of idiots, he thinks that maybe Steve is right. 

This could be a perfect place for the beginning of his new story.

#steddie #steddie fic #steddie fanfiction #eddie munson #steve harrington #stranger things #eddie month #eddiemonth #madaboutmunson #eddie month week 1 #madaboutmunsonSHC