#but like if i can get movement on those things I'm fucking gone. cause the bits of my job that are my actual job?

[thedreadvampy]

oh boy the depression hole is deep and it is muddy

hahaha I fell into the classic trap! overidentify with your job and considering leaving it will trigger an existential crisis!!!!

#red said #i think it's really fucking happening #i got lunch with my work bff yesterday. she's seriously looking for her next thing. #2 other people in our 9 man team have told me in confidence they're looking elsewhere as well #the work bff is a team manager and she's like yeah I'm helping everyone buff up their CVs and think about what they want #and i. do not think my boss is coming back. #she's extended her mat leave by 2 months already. i think she stepped away and realised. rightly. there's more to life than this shit. #it's not that the organisation is downsizing or any of us are in danger of redundancy #but the vibe has changed big time. it's so much more corporate and less interested in lived experience. #i think the proportion of people in senior management who have even second hand experience with homelessness is shrinking #like the last time our CEO did frontline work was like 1990. and they're expanding the management team constantly #but they're all outside hires and not people who've done frontline or community work. they're the career charity worker types. #the only things keeping me are. i want to at least get to that initial union open meeting and get the ball rolling enough #that it might have a cat's chance in hell of happening without me #and i want to get gears turning in the EDI group to get a commitment a) to acknowledge that we have a whiteness problem #and b) i want to use the funding for LGBTQ inclusion work to kickstart a project where we convene a cross-sector working group #maybe quarterly. where people working in homelessness and social support can discuss best practise for trans inclusivity #in one of the sectors where trans people are most disadvantaged in seeking support #but like if i can get movement on those things I'm fucking gone. cause the bits of my job that are my actual job? #i am getting nothing out of it now

[nexusnyx]

keep close | part II

joel miller x f!reader [5.2k] summary: It's the oldest case of blinded by love ever seen. All of the doubts and pining must have entertained the gods all this time. That's the explanation you settle for when you discover that just like you, Joel has been suffering in silence. Wanting. Craving you. 📝 This is the continuation of part 1 but it can be read as a stand-alone. If you enjoy it, reblogs and comments make all the difference. 🏷️ Pining, idiots to lovers, sexual tension, smut build-up.

masterlist | part one ←

Everything was so fucking green. You hated it.

"Why d'you hate it?" Joel asked.

Unlike you, his recovery advanced fast. Bruises and cuts had the 'fading to yellow' tonalities, and he was now hunting deer and other animals with Ellie so you three did more than just survive winter. "'Cause I never see it." It's so beautiful out there. "Ever stopped to think about how the world looks healthier and prettier than it has in thousands of years, and we're all stuck inside walls?"

Joel usually takes a moment or two to reply, but when those moments stretch on, you look up from the floor to where he's sitting on the couch and—oh.

He's doing it again. Looking. Staring at you as if he's thinking a hundred things. You freeze under his gaze again, waiting for it, begging in your mind that he'll do it...

His hand reaches out in direction of your face, and everything inside you lights up.

He touches your hair.

Ever since that incident where you two were sleeping together a little closer than ever before, Joel's taken a liking to your hair.

Usually, the idea of anyone touching you, let alone your hair, is enough to make you break out in hives.

With him, you lean against the touch.

The hand on the side of your head starts doing sweet, caring movements, and you force yourself to open your eyes.

Joel breaks you out of your thoughts by wondering, "What would you do if you were outside?"

That takes your memory back. You close your eyes, getting lost in his touch for a moment. "Probably... play something."

"Play what?"

Ignoring how his voice surrounds you when your vision is gone is difficult. "Anything that requires a ball." You somehow manage it. "My brothers and I—" their mention chokes you. Grips you by the throat.

As always, Joel waits.

"My brothers and I loved playing... anything," you chuckled. "It's the only time I wasn't bored."

"What did you enjoy the most?"

"Uh. Probably volley? I liked keeping the ball up high." You open your eyes then, missing the sight of his. Joel's watching his own hand in your hair and, in exchange, you get to watch his face. Before he can dive more into your past for his own distraction, you nudge his hand with your head. "I'm proud of you."

Joel knows exactly why, and still, "Why?"

You roll your eyes. "For making El believe in Santa Claus."

It happens again—Joel smiles. One week's passed since the incident and you're still mesmerized every time. "I don't think she'd believe him for too long."

"Joel."

He laughs through his nose, then places his gaze on your eyes. "I don't know why you'd be proud of me for that. It's stupid."

"Letting her go hunt on her own is stupid?"

"Sure is." He had a damn point, and you hated the world for it. "We both know how it could go."

"We do. And still, you allowed her to feel like a person who has some control over her life and who's capable of using her own hands to live." As someone who waited years for that same opportunity, you knew what it meant. "You don't know what this means to her, but I do."

Joel lived a life before chaos was the new natural order. He takes a second, his hand pausing its ministrations before he nods and continues his petting. "I believe you."

That means the world to me. "Thanks."

This time, Joel doesn't answer.

His hand keeps doing the thing it's grown fond of, and you keep pretending your body is not growing dependent on it like plants need air, water, and the Sun.

You think his hands and eyes on you might be your Sun.

You wish you could do the same for him.

The idea of rejection is what holds you back from so much.

Before last week, before he did this for the first time, the physical distance kept between you both was your seal of confirmation that Joel knew about your feelings. That he knew how much you burned for him, for a touch of his.

Now, you aren't so sure.

Then, you cried. Months ago, before this last ordeal of fuckery made your little triad retreat to a cold cabin in the mountains, you cried over the mere thought that Joel saw you as he did Ellie.

Like a daughter.

It plagued you until it showed up in your dreams and made you weep because of it.

All your life you waited for the moment when the desire for someone became real. When wanting and feeling a connection became as tangible as the tension that cloaked the quarantined city every day.

When it came, it was him.

Joel breaks you out of your thoughts with a chuckle, "You remind me of a cat."

You were leaning against his touch again. This time, you keep your eyes closed. "Feels nice." More than nice. "So nice."

He laughs again. "I can see that."

That pulls your eyes to open. Joel's face is fixed on you. His right hand is hidden by his shirt, tucked on top of the cloth soaked with medicinal paste. It's why he took the touch after a lot of arguments, minutes before Ellie left for the hunt. "You're a cat, too," you argue.

Joel raises one eyebrow at that. "How?"

"Skittish."

"I'm skittish?" the smile is making its way back to his lips.

You nod. "I'd pet you too if I didn't think you'd hiss and run for the hills."

Fuck. Barely are the words out of your mouth before you feel the heat creeping up your neck to cover your face. Out here, there are lamps with candles.

Joel sees you with clarity.

A deer caught under the spotlights. Not a cat, then.

It's his smile, opening slowly but surely, that makes the tension leave your shoulders. "Ellie says I can be a grouchy hedgehog with anger issues. One that stinks. And you... wanna pet my hair?"

Ellie's a child, Joel. I want you. "El is a sharp-tongued kid who loves making you frown." It's also the truth. "And yes. I do," in a much lower voice, you finish with, "it looks soft."

Joel shakes his head, his smile widening. "Unbelievable."

"What?"

"My dirty hair. It looks soft," he repeats, fixing you under his gaze.

You look away. "Nevermind," you mumble.

Joel should remain still on that couch, but he moves. Laughing, his hand goes back to what it did before, and pulls you closer as his upper body leans forward. He sort of—nuzzles. It's not a kiss—Joel just touches his nose to your hair, and you feel his laughing coming out through his nose.

When he stops laughing, he leans back down on the couch.

His tender touch on your hair continues.

"You're so..." he trails off, and you wished you were still looking at him. "I wouldn't run," he adds.

That gets your attention. Your eyes find his, and your heart seems to grow two sizes with the way it beats. "No?"

"No."

Immediately, your eyes fall to the couch he's lying on—you hate it. It's small. Old. With no room for another person there. "I'll show later that it's nice," you settle for.

Even if the couch could fit a whole family of three, you know that you'd remain where you are.

"Later?"

"Yeah. No space for me up there."

"Oh." Joel sits up in a single motion, causing you to sit up straight. Your cheek was resting on the small part of the couch his body wasn't, but now, you watch as he lifts up his shirt to inspect his bruised side.

The second you see skin, usually, you avert your gaze. This time, you inspect the colors and healing with him. It looks... ok. Still painful, just as your own body is, but no shooting pain with every move you make.

Joel places the rag on the couch without care and nods. "C'mon. We were up all night re-making the supplies, and El's only gonna be back in a couple of hours. We should rest."

Following Joel is the norm by now. Wordless, you walk behind him in direction of the room.

The mattresses are still pushed together.

There are three backpacks with several items placed in front of them on the other side of the room, a handful of handles spread around the corners, and on top of that old brown blanket, Ellie's drawing book.

"She was here again," you tell him.

Joel's kneeling in front of his backpack with the cassette player in hand. "I don't know why. Her room's the only one with an actual bed."

"She's restless," you say as you move her notebook to the floor, "and ever since you taught her how to scout perimeters, she uses that opportunity to find 'cool shit' around places."

Joel hums in reply, and then you hear a click.

In a very low volume—low enough that only these walls must be capturing sound, his tape Saxophone Colossus fills the air with a gorgeous sound.

He makes his way to the bed and lies right next to with you a grunt.

Your bodies' sides are touching. He places his left forearm under his head, using it as a pillow, and then turns his head to the side where your waiting eyes are already observing him.

"She found the water heater," Joel agrees.

His voice is always lower here. Either that or you're in closer chambers and always use that as an excuse to drown in it. "She did."

"Can you turn it on to heat up some water when she comes back?"

You nod, smiling at him. This part is so good. "'course," you want to scoot closer, but—always but. "I'd rather prepare three baths measuring the water with a coffee cup rather than skin animals alive."

Joel's side smile returns. He stares for a moment, and says, "I don't know how you learned it that well. You hate doing it."

"I learned it 'cause I had to." For her. For Ellie, it goes unsaid. "Doesn't mean I'll ever want to ever again."

"Thank gods they didn't butcher my arm, then."

You close your eyes, whining a little. "No. Please—don't even joke about it."

Joel laughs. "I'll make sure to keep my arm. For both of your sakes."

"Thank you," you open your eyes again.

"No problem," his grin is kind of intoxicating. From this up close, watching Joel smile does to you the same that a full glass of bourbon does. "C'mere," he tilts his chin down at the same time as he stretches his arm to your head, "there's space now."

It hits you what Joel's doing. Inviting you in.

Call it instinct. When you raise your upper body just enough for his arm not to linger awkwardly in the air, you're still registering what is going on, and then—

his chest.

Joel guides your head there, and as it's custom, you follow.

It lands you where you dreamt of being for months now.

His body adjusts underneath you, getting comfortable.

You're so lost in the feeling of his heat that you miss the beat. When you feel his breathing becoming even and his hand moving in your hair, you notice how comfortable you are.

How perfect it feels.

Joel pets your hair for a little while before you manage to find yourself again.

A song must pass and in it, your mind lives through the most blissful few moments of peace and quiet it's ever had.

Nothing happens. No thoughts, no doubts, just this.

When you come back to what is reality, no matter how dream-painted it looks, Joel's heart sings under your ears.

You can hear it beating.

Then, you remember why you're here now. "Can I do it?" you ask.

Your body remembers it can move and does something else it's been dreaming of for a while. It cuddles. It adjusts itself in order to be comfortably aligned with his, and your chin tilts upwards to get a look at his face.

From this angle, all your see is beard until he looks down. "Do what?" The question is betrayed by the hint of a smile on him. It might be a product of your own rapid heartbeat, but Joel seems to gain a little bit of color. "Pet my 'soft' hair?"

"I can hear the air quotes and I don't appreciate them."

You love to make him laugh. This time, you get to feel it. Even if it all goes down someday, at least you'll always have this memory. "You can," he replies once he's done laughing.

Breathe in, you decide this position is just fine, and move your right hand up until it finds his hair. Breathe out.

The angle is uncomfortable—not the best, nor the worst, but it does its job.

It feels greasy when your hands run through them, but not dirty. It is as soft as you imagined it.

It takes him some time too — one song and a half — before Joel's body is fully relaxed. His heartbeat takes the longest.

You feel the times when he lifts his left arm to check the clock to see if Ellie is still in her two-hours time.

None of you sleep, but that doesn't matter.

Rest nowadays goes beyond hours shutting down the brain. Laying there with Joel is the most you feel truly rested, even if the circumstances are these.

Whatever leads to you in his arms, you'll take it.

It's worth the wait. Makes you feel alive.

Ellie eats like a starved animal, every time.

"Slow down, kid, jesus fuck," you tell her, without fail, every single time.

By now, she does slow. It's like she needs a reminder—there is food, and we'll find you more if you need it.

Once, Joel wondered what the fuck did they feed her in that military school. You're unsure if you want to know.

"Did you two rest?" she asks with her mouth full.

"Really?" he gives her the look of 'gross, El', but she only rolls her eyes at him. "And yeah, we did."

"I already warmed up the water for showers." The wood bath structure was perfect for a shower, and heating up all of the baths inside that room already made the temperature rise a little. "You can go first."

"Telling me I stink?" she asks you.

You grin. "Always do, bug." Little bug. That's who she was to you—a nature's wonder. "Not enough showers in the world to change that."

"We should be honest with her," Ellie turns to Joel, and you think oh here it comes. "She can't smell herself."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Joel replies in faux seriousness. "I'm certain all three of us smell like fields of flowers. The one that's most us, y'know? Like me, for example, I'm clearly a blue orchid."

It's been like that since those guys jump you three. Whatever lock kept Joel doing his best to push you two out, was just gone.

He presses his makeshift plate closer to lean in your direction and say, "Do I smell like orchids? Is it amazing? Any hints of some type of wood underneath?"

Joel's silly.

It's not something either one of you expected but welcomed with open arms.

He'll say the stupidest things to make Ellie laugh. He acts, and then winks in your direction to say 'gotcha'.

Ellie leaves for her shower, and leaves you two alone.

The air's back to what it was before she arrived.

It's always been different without her around, but now it's this. Joel finishes his meat and cleans the tip of his fingers with his lips. You try to look away. You fail.

He pulls you back. "Can I ask you something?"

You're almost done with your meal, but now that he's talking and his whole focus is back on you, the hunger left. Switched. "Always."

"Do you feel... lonely?"

What a stupid, and painfully sharp question. "No." I'm scared to ask the same. "Of course I don't," you say. "There's you. El. I'm... well-accompanied."

Whatever he was looking for, the answer must deliver. "Okay." He looks in the direction of the bathroom —Ellie— and then back at you. This time, he scoots closer to you and fits himself to fit in your side.

You open up to him, happy to create more space.

You'd wrap yourself around his whole body if you could. Make a home somewhere between his arms and his thighs. His smile always in line of sight.

With arms wide open, Joel pulls his chair, screeching the floor until he's content with the proximity. His head lays on top of your chest, and your hands immediately go to his hair.

There's no music to measure time, but you've grown fond of the 'peace and quiet' he always went on about.

Eventually, he speaks. "We can't fall asleep here."

You laugh against his hair. "It hasn't been even five minutes. You know she's mixing cold and 'hot scalding water' until the temperature's just perfect like she's a mad scientist until now. We have at least twenty minutes."

"Hmmm." He nuzzles his head, and you pray your hummingbird of a heart won't disturb him.

Joel asked you about what you thought of his plans for once you two were healed. That's what you both discussed with Ellie as you ate.

The conversation changes two or three times before he lands on it.

"Well—after all of it. Tommy, or Fireflies—what do you want?"

You're still lost in the last topic, and the feeling of his hair running like silk through your fingers. "Do we even know if we trust them?"

"Trust who?"

"The Fireflies, obviously."

"Ah. Hm. I suppose we don't," on your arms, Joel nudges you with his body. "Forget 'em for a sec."

You open your eyes and his head is lying so nicely on your shoulder. He locks eyes with you, and asks. "What do you want after that?"

Like that. As if it's simple. "Are you asking if I want ice cream or move to the Arctic?" What an absurd. "I don't fuckin' know. I hope I'm alive. In one piece. And so are you two. The end."

"You don't want anythin'?"

It's infuriating. He is right there, looking up at you with those stupid gorgeous brown eyes and, "It's not that simple," comes out before something else does.

Not enough of an answer, apparently. Joel shakes his head. "'s just a scenario. A 'what if' for the future, since we can't do them about the past. Indulge me."

"So, like, a hypothetical world where you, and El, and I, we're all good. And we... found Tommy. Or maybe the Fireflies."

"Yeah."

"And they've given us a little more than just 'she's the cure' to work with... And we can—I don't know, sit back and watch some scientists do science? That's the scenario?"

"You're paitin' it much better than me," he smiles. "Go on."

You roll your eyes. "In that scenario—I want ice cream."

Joel groans. "Oh, c'mon." He sighs, and whispers your name under his breath. He leans close enough for his hair to tickle your cheeks. "Tell me. Somethin' you always wanted growing up, I don't know."

"It's a difficult question!" you defend yourself, smiling despite being cornered by his new musings.

"It is. And you can think on it, if you want," Joel nuzzles his head to comfort once again on your shoulder, then closes his eyes. "I'm just curious about the stuff you wanted to do before someone threw a mission on your lap, that's all."

"Okay. I'm thinkin'."

"I can hear the engines turning," he whispers. You poke the side of his body, because you know now that you can, and then—, "I already know you're gonna ask me the same so I'll start thinkin' about my own answer to. And don't bullshit me—if you tell me you'd rather have an x-burger instead of ice cream I'll poke a finger in one of your bruises."

"You wouldn't."

"Try me," he laughs.

"I'd kill for an x-burger, now that you mentioned," your voice lowers to a whisper too.

"Same. Now shhh and think. I'm sure you've had aspirations beyond babysitting the unique child and teaming up with my ugly mug."

That's what stops you. Ugly mug.

Your eyes open, and the intensity in them must pierce through his darkness, because Joel feels the eyes on him and looks straight at you. "What?" he looks confused.

Your first mental lap is to be angry—

how can he not see it? it's right in front of him—but then.

Insecurities.

The ones you have and cloud your thoughts with every rising Sun—of course Joel had them, too. He was older, this world was far from kind, and—

He gets up, looking every bit as lost in thoughts as you are, and starts gathering the things from around the fire.

You took too long to answer, and his nervousness always shows up in one of two ways: sleep, or organizing.

"You genuinely think that?" you ask after a second.

Joel gathers the plates in his hand and uses the snow water to rinse them. "Which part? That I think you deserve more or that my mug is ugly? 'Cause yes to both."

"That's—wow." Your laughter is dry, something very unusual.

It makes him look at you. "Wow what, woman?"

He only calls you that when he's getting impatient. "That's crazy to me."

"What is? I never asked you either one of these questions 'cause the first one could be misread—I don't want you thinkin' I'm tryna get rid of you—"

"Thank god."

"—and the second one." He sighs, and puts the plates together. Everything that's not being used always goes back to the backpacks in cases of emergency. Joel looms there over the sink with them in hand, and you wait. "I'd say something stupid like 'does that kind of thing ever matter anymore' but the truth is, I can't see a scenario that it doesn't, and I'd rather live without your honest opinion about this."

"I am always honest in my opinions," you agree.

"Exactly. That's why I never asked you what you thought of my face—I can sleep without that one," he concludes.

"You were right, too. Saying 'does beauty matter anymore' would be stupid 'cause we always looked and always will look for things that we think are pleasing to the eye. It's human nature, don't you think?"

He nods, and then moves to where the backpacks are to put away the cans and plates. "It is."

"I think a lot of things are beautiful. Mostly it's nature, though. And woman. D'you think I'm weird for that?"

Joel looks over his shoulders and the answer is written all over his face.

You shrug your shoulders. "I know some people who definitely would."

"I know some people who have fungi tentacles exiting their mouths. We've learned these past few years that our species isn't the smartest."

"Touché," you laugh. "I do think you're handsome, though."

It freezes the air as if someone opened a door and let the cold air inside.

"Not that you asked—but," you look away from his frame, losing the confidence to look at him as you go on, "you're... beautiful." Most men would hate that adjective. You know that because you heard it from your brothers—only women are 'beautiful'. "I know men don't like that word used to describe them, but—"

"What men?"

"I don't know," you shrug again, wanting to have a shell to retrieve out of nowhere. "Most men? It's what my brothers told me."

"Well—they don't speak for me, then."

It's the feeling of his eyes on you that makes you gaze in his direction. "I like the white hairs, too," for some reason, your voice dropped to a whisper, "and your beard. It's even. Frames your face well."

Joel looked frozen under a spell.

He stared at you with intent and focus you'd never seen before.

Since you started, you might as well finish. "The crinkles by your eyes are smile-made. I like that."

It works—it brings them out. Joel starts smiling, even if his eyes look a little lost. "Smile-made?" he echos.

"Yeah. They're there 'cause of your smile. Some people have lines 'cause they frown a lot, or grimace, or are always judging. I don't like those lines."

"I have worry lines."

"We all have worry lines, Jo. It's the end of the world."

He laughs. "Touché."

"That's my favorite part, though." He stops laughing at those words, and you miss it instantly. "Your smile."

His gaze softens. "You like my smile?"

"You almost never smile," you say, hating that sad truth, "and it's a beautiful smile," you think if anything else comes out, it might be too much. Too close to the truth, so, "in conclusion: handsome. So—I do think you're a little crazy. It might not be often, but we still see mirrors every now and then."

His silence as an answer made the jittery nerves climb up your legs, soothing like an ointment every bruise it found in its way.

Joel staring at you was the reason why you lacked sleep, sometimes.

Too many thoughts about what he was thinking. Too many scenarios about what it would be like to have the courage to make the first move.

It's he who does it.

When it comes, you're too lost in a trance to properly register his steps coming back to you.

He sits on the chair next to you again. Grabs your chair with one hand, and pulls it close to his until they're touching.

He's so close you could count the gray hairs you like so much on his beard.

When he leans in closer, you're breathing his air, and it makes goosebumps rise all over your skin. On your arms, your neck, your back.

Joel moves one hand to your neck at the same pace one moves when hunting wild animals.

As if every movement could result in being seen, and the prey running away.

When he's only a couple of inches away from your face, you feel the heat of his palm spread across your neck; his thumb caressing your cheek. He asks, "Talk to me. Is this—Am I reading it wrong?"

If you have a voice, it's gone. You shake your head and do the only thing you needed all this long—you lean, too.

Sometimes, things are so important that every second of it counts.

Joel's lips on yours are one of those things.

You're shaking, at first.

Although inexperience is part of the reason why you're so terrified of doing something, this part you know.

It's the only one you have confidence in, so you let all the worries on your shoulders go, and you kiss him back.

Joel wants you to.

The notion that he might've been as lost in his head as you were in yours makes you want to cry. You whimper against his mouth instead, pressing so much harder when the reality of what is happening catches up to you.

Joel pulls back for just a second, "It's okay, I got you," he seals the words by pressing his lips on yours again.

All of your reservations fly out of the window with those last three words.

You throw your arms around his neck, almost throwing yourself too in the process. Joel laughs right there, with his lips still on yours, and catches your weight.

With your fingers threaded through his hair and holding on for dear life, you let him do it—let him guide you.

Kissing Joel makes your head drown in every other moment you two shared and you could feel your heart beating in your throat.

He takes it slow with you, despite feeling the shivers all over your body.

Joel nips on your bottom lip until you open up for him.

He kisses by sucking, then pecking your lips, and when he finally pushes his tongue in your mouth, you forget where you two are for a moment.

The moan is involuntary, and even with eyes closed you feel them rolling to the back of your head.

Joel's hand on your nape starts massaging your neck and he says, "Shhh, gorgeous, 's okay," he licks into your mouth again.

Rewiring your brain is so easy for him. Gorgeous.

Just like when you two discovered that touching one another was an option a week ago, learning that this is on the table is almost comical. You feel like a starved person being delivered a feast, and stopping is far from an option.

When you pull back for air because there's none left in your body, the string of saliva connecting your mouth to Joel's makes you tremble again.

He needs to know. Tell him. If he knows he's the only man — or person — who's ever awakened desire in you, maybe he'll understand why you're like a leaf in his hands.

Joel's hand comes up to your cheek. It's huge, covering almost half of your face, and when he whispers, "Open your eyes," you realize that you'd closed them again.

His eyes are the warmest part of him. "Hi," you mumble. "Please tell me you'll do this again."

Joel smiles. "If you wait a few more hours, El will be asleep," he swallows visibly and you think what on Earth could he be nervous to, "I can help you... cleaning your wounds. You could help me."

Right. Bathing together, even if 'bathing' is a strong word for it.

Inexperienced. No knowledge whatsoever other than books you read in the abandoned library. What will you do with him? What will—

"We don't have to, obviously," he interrupts your thoughts. "And yeah. I wanna do this more. Of course I do," Joel kisses you again, and you hold his head in place for a few more moments, stealing more kisses to numb your mind. "God, I wanted this since I met you."

"Joel."

"It's true."

"I'm happy to know we're both idiots," and even happier that was behind. "And—I mean. A helping hand is always good... right?"

The look he gives you does it again—a shiver, and it's not from the cold.

The mere idea of his hands on you is enough to make you sweat.

Maybe that's the perfect timing and opportunity to lay it on him that he's signing up for something he might not want.

"You want my help?" he asks. He nuzzles his face on yours, rubbing his beard on your cheek, down to your neck.

You bite your lip to stifle a moan. "Yeah."

"I'll do my best."

It'll be more than enough. That is—if you can survive the next few hours. If his kisses alone are enough to almost bring you to a fever again, his hands might kill you.

You would die happy.

PART THREE →

🏷️ @sakuralikestars — @mostardentily — @thegreat-annamaria — @leiticia — @polyglot-noodle — @casssiopeia — @bistarlight

#usernexusnyx #joel miller imagine #joel miller fic #joel miller #joel miller one shot #joel miller series #joel miller drabble #joel miller smut #joel miller fanfic #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller pedro pascal #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x oc #tlou fic #tlou fanfiction

[boiohboii]

Our wedding menu (Lando Norris x reader)

When your friend leaves you to entertain yourself you decide to try something really new.

or

in which you wanted to have fun and a really handsome, curly haired british boy is your victim.

N.B: just a silly little drabble inspired by this video, hope you guys like it! WARNINGS: not proof read, spelling mistakes maybe? Also, don't do that in public, this is just for fun really. Let me know what you guys think!

masterlist

When people are bored they watch a movie, read a book or maybe go outside and look around. But you weren't feeling like doing any of those things, your friend has left you to go on a date and honestly you can't blame her, the guy was extremely handsome and so so polite, which is why you are currently sitting in a cafe doing what you do best- people watching.

There was an old couple sharing their lunch and smiling (they are what anyone dreams of, in Monaco with each other after however many years of marriages), there was an employee on the phone behind the counter probably arguing with someone by the movements in her hands and the chewing of her own lips, and there was a group of guys (fuck off, why are they so handsome) who you are pretty sure are famous- if the guys, girls and old rich people coming up every few minutes asking for photos and autographs weren't enough of a sign the billboards you've seen scattered around Monaco in your short visit of 4 out of these 9 guys (that's a big ass friend group) were confirmation of them being models at least (which adds up to these looks).

Now you weren't much of a jokester in front of strange people, especially not a group of 9 handsome guys, but hey life is all about trying new things which is why you decided it'd be fun to try and see what their reactions would be.

Standing up you rushed out of the cafe, was it a good idea? No. Did you have enough social energy to pull this off? No. Do you have enough confidence to talk to one handsome dude who is in the middle of his handsome friends? Also no. But none of that stopped you from going to the burger truck a few blocks down asking for 2 double cheeseburgers and 2 chocolate frosties. After taking your receipt you stood in line, waiting for your order.

"I love their variety so much! Everything is available"

"Yes! I am so happy that they have no meat options"

Oh shit. What if he's vegan!

Leaving your place in the line you went back to the cashier and ordered the most appealing name from their non meat menu.

After finally having your food in hand you went back the same way stopping in front of a flower shop, what flowers should you get? would he even accept the flowers? What if he's allergic to flowers?

Opening up Google you searched for the flowers that don't cause allergies, seeing roses on top of the list you decided to get a small bouquet of 4 roses before placing it carefully in your bag (in another zipper away from the food).

Entering the cafe for the 2nd time today you took a look around, extremely happy that the barista kept her word and made sure that all of the tables are taken and the only chair empty is besides the curly haired boy laughing at something his friends have said.

"Hi, I'm sorry to interupt but can I sit here?"

You asked as you looked around the table, upon seeing all of them looking at each other you explained further "it's just that there's no other chairs available, as soon as there is one I'll be gone, promise"

"Oh yes, of course, you can stay as long as you want"

The guy with green? or is it blue? eyes replied, while everyone else gestured for you to take a seat.

"Thank you," as you placed your bag you asked the one question that would decide if you should move on with whatever it was you were going to do "oh, sorry, do you have a girlfriend? I don't want to overstep or make any misunderstandings" you asked the victim of your plan, upon shaking his head you took a seat.

Sitting down you decided to start your plan, fishing the necklace out of the small zipper you turned to the boy sitting beside you holding the necklace between both of you

"Can you please do this for me? I can't reach"

All chatter around the table stopped, you can feel 9 pairs of eyes on you as you gave the boy a small, apologetic smile.

"Oh, uhh- yeah of course," ohhh, he's british, damn you might actually fall in love "let me just figure out how it works."

As he clasped the necklace together you thanked him, moving onto your next step which consisted of you bending down to get your mirror and your lipstick out of the bag, staying in your position you moved the bag a bit to the right before adjusting yourself a bit so that what you're doing would be noticed. Not bringing your mirror onto the table but still visible enough for the 9 guys to see you applying a new layer of lipstick, you can hear them questioning what you are doing and it just made you want to get up and run back to your hotel room.

You already started, no going back now.

Being satisfied with how the lipstick looked you placed it back in the bag before sitting properly, smiling at the blue eyed guy in front of you.

Waiting a bit so that the guy besides you isn't speaking to someone before you move onto the main plan.

Upon seeing him get his phone out you decided to go ahead, it's now or never

"We had a date, no?" you whispered to him as to not get the attention of his friends, at least not this soon.

The man blinked at you before looking around him, wanting to make sure you are talking to him "I'm sorry?"

Before he could even question you any further he saw roses within his eyesight

"These are for you," you pushed the bouquet into his frozen hands "hope it smells as good as you"

Red started covering his face, looking around at his friends, who quietened down as soon as they saw the red roses, searching for an explanation.

When you kept looking at him with that smile he let out a small thanks before smelling the flowers.

Okay, nice, so far so good, why is he so flustered oh my god, he's the cutest.

"Oh, I also bought burgers"

"I'm sorry, what is this about?"

"I also bought drinks, one is oreo and one is hershey, well it was supposed to be hershey kisses but they ran out so let me just," leaning over to him, you kissed his cheek "there you go, now you can take the hershey one"

The other 8 boys howled in laughter at the wide eyed, red faced boy staring at the drink in front of him on the table. He bite his lips, trying to prevent a smile from breaking out onto his face.

You decided to get your phone out and wait a bit before you moved on further with the plan, the group going back to their conversations while the brit besides you kept taking glances at you, thinking you wouldn't notice, but you did and you also noticed that he is not touching his burger, only drinking the frosty.

Dipping your hand into your bag you got out the other burger "that's a non meat burger, bought it just in case."

"Oh," he took the food from your hands, nodding his head in thanks "you didn't have to."

Giving him a full smile you went back to your phone, waiting for him to eat a bit of his sandwhich so you could make the next move. The way he gets flustered and shy makes you want to ask him out on an actual date, he is so fucking pretty.

"Do you like it?"

Nodding, he smiled at you as he gave you a thumbs up as he can't answer while chewing.

"I'm really glad, I was thinking about adding it to our wedding menu," the dark haired man sitting on the other side of the british boy choked onto his drink, looking at their group of friends wanting to make sure that he heard correctly "not as a main dish, more like a snack really."

The boy besides you shrugged, thinking about how a burger truck would look in a wedding.

"Mate, you better not forget my invite if you're gonna have burgers at your wedding."

#f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 #lando norris x reader #lando norris imagine #lando norris x you #lando norris x y/n #lando norris fluff #lando norris fanfic #lando norris fic #lando norris #f1 fic #f1 x y/n #f1 x you #f1 x female reader

[chrisgetsmewet]

I can count on you

Matt × fem!reader

A/n - i personaly think this isn't gonna be that good i was just listening to lil peep and thought of it also this might be short.

Summary - matt tells y/n to call him whenever things get hard at home.

Warning - family abuse, abusive dad, angst, fluff at the end ig

Wasn't proofread!

I hear stumping coming to my room, quick movements really.

"where are they" my dad says bursting through my door.

I knew what he was talking about. He's and addict he doesn't stop doing drug's, smoking, and drinking. The thing is i don't care but when he does those things he is really abusive more then normal and my mom let's it happen.

"W-what are you talking about?" I play like im clueless but I'm sure it won't work.

In all reality im more scared then i put off, i think he could really hurt me if he wanted to he never has but if he wanted to he would. He is also really good at talking down on me belittling me in every way possible, everytime he got a chance.

"Dont play with me you little shit" the man walks over to me snatching me off my bed and grabbing a fist full of my hair "you're gonna tell me where you put it" he adds walking out the room to the kitchen practically dragging me.

I hold the hand he has on my hair "ow..ow..ow" i try and get out of his grip. Yeah thats not happening.

He pushes me in the living room and i stumble a bit. I turn around to face him crossing my arms looking to the side feeling a presence, a set of eyes looking at me. It's my mom just sitting there drinking a bottle of alcohol,switching in-between smoking and drinking.

"Where are my pills" the man says

I shrugg letting out a mumble "i don't know" i avoid eye contact as much as possible with him

I felt my mom staring at me from where she was sitting. She slouches back a little crossing her legs

"Y/n just tell your daddy where his shit is and you can go" she says

I hate that she calls him my dad, he is my dad but he definitely isn't a father figure and he ruined my childhood, they both did. But at the same time i wouldn't want anything bad to happen to either of them cause they're still my parents, but sometimes you get what you deserve.

He takes the bottle out of my moms hand and throws it against the wall near me, he lines other to me yanking my arm towards him "i couldn't hear you the first time, you were whispering. WHAT DID YOU SAY"

"It's gone.. " i chocked out, closing my eyes looking away from him. I felt him let go of me, i open my eyes he was stressing freaking like any person would but he was filled with rage, i knew it was bad when he started pacing back and forth. I could tell that all from his body language, but what i couldn't tell is what was gonna happen next.

"leave.. LEAVE GET OUT OF MY FACE BEFORE I FUCK YOU UP"

That was all he had to say i run to my room and i close the door. That's when it sets in 'i can't be here any longer i have to go until he's more calm' my brain wouldn't cut off non stop thoughts coming to my head. But the main one was text matt so thats what i do. So we can meet up, he'd want me to do that. We had this discussion, everytime something bad happens or im feeling down i can give him a call/text. So that's what im going to do.

Matt🎀🎀

To matt:

Hey can we meet up?

Sent 10:54 pm delivered

Matt??

Sent 10:55 pm seen

From matt:

Yeah. What's going on??

Sent 10:57pm seen

To matt:

I'll tell you when we get there.

Sent 10:58 pm seen

Matt's POV

I wonder what she needs to tell me. I dont get text like these often unless it's her being random or her wanting to go out for food. So it must be important about family or something sense we have to meet at the rooftop. I hope y/n is ok she never really likes talking about what goes on at home but i know it hurts her and it hurts me that people who are supposed to love you treats her like complete shit.

I was with chris watching a movie but he was sleep. So i thought. I got up quietly not to make a noise, so when the movie got loud thats when i made swift movements, getting my stuff and looking for the keys, the noise could be heard less sense the movie drowned it out. I found the keys

Before i left out i heard chris "where are you going?" He mumbled in a sleepy voice "late night drive" the excuse came straight to my head it wasn't technically a lie but it was definitely not the truth. I walk out of the room so no more questions can be asked. Sense after all he is still in the half alseep half awake state.

In the car half way there i think about what possibly could have happened and if she was truly ready to talk about it cause i gues y/n likes to seem like she's living a normal life but whatever goes on at home hurts her and she never cries about it but it's not best to bottle it up but i wouldn't wanna push her to anything she doesnt wanna talk about so i won't.

I stop for gas on the way over there cause i know the next morning. There won't be any, both chris and nick will give me shit for it but it's also gonna make me late which isn't what she probably needs right now

Back to y/n pov

I put my phone in my pocket and slip out the window. I walk to our place, where me and matt meet up, it's a roof of a hotel it's not a popular one so that's why we never get 'caught' i like it there cause there's a good view of people passing by and it's quiet and you're just there left with your thoughts and the cold breeze of boston.

I walked about 10 minutes to the rooftop waiting, walking around contemplating what i was gonna tell him, he knows about my family problems but I'd rather not relieve it and just be comforted but i don't wanna be an attention seeker or a disappointment like my dad says i am.

"Hey" matt walks over to me "hey" i reply it wasn't awkward i was just warming up to tell him what happend.

"So what's going on" he was trying to make conversation he does that a lot so it doesn't go quiet sense i find silence comforting and I'll forget why i was there to begin with also with his presence it's a lot more comforting.

"It's my parent's again" i avoid looking at him while explaining everything cause i learned not to cry over things like that because it's not gonna change anything.

"So i flushed my dad's pills and any drugs he had down the toilet cause he would get really violent when he had them so i thought i was doing the right thing but it just made him more mad and i.." i let out a breath before putting my head in my hands and collect my thoughts i was just exhausted

"It's ok, talk to me." He reaches over and ubs my back until i sit my head up ready to talk again

"Umm.. i don't really wanna go back home because ime scared and.." i bring my fingers to my mouth biting on my nails "i wanted to know if i could stay at you're house just for today"

"Yeah of course as long as you want" he brings me in for a hug and i hug him back almost immediately i really need a hug from someone that i know that cares about me i wonder how it feels to have parents that adored you since birth and loved you. It must be nice id never know of course cause my parents can't stay away from drugs or alcohol for a day without some how putting the blame on me. Youre the reason we're like this, you never do anyrhing but sit around acting usless, do better in school it's not that hard.

I feel something wet on my cheek i wipe my cheek and it was tears.great. i was crying and i didn't even know it that's the last thing i needed right now, i sniffle.

Matt pulls away from the hug looking at me "are you crying? Y/n it's not you're fault" he pulls me back in for a hug "you're gonna be ok." He let's go of me and sits down against the ledge around the rooftop and i sit down next to him leaning my head on his shoulder.

"Hey, matt.." i was waiting for his response "hmm" he replied attentively "would you say I'm an attention seeker" i can feel him move my head off his shoulder so he can look at me "no, not at all y/n where is this coming from" looking in my eyes as if he's looking for an answer "it's nothing" i clear my throat "can we go now"

I wait for him to get up so we can walk to the car together. We make our way off the roof by the little ladder it had going off the side and down to his car we get inside. "So you wanna get anything to eat" "no I'm fine". I lied. I wasn't fine but i really didn't wanna be a burden besides it was around 12pm and we had school the next day so by the grace of god he even saw my text message.

~~

We made it to the house and it was quiet and dark the only light was the lamp that stayed on i only know that cause the tumes i stayed over on summer nights and wanted water in the middle of the night cause it was super hot.

I crept upstairs to the extra room it wasn't really an extra room it was just Justin there older brothers room.

"If you're not up bye tomorrow I'll tell everyone you stayed over. Also get me if you need anything. ok?"

"Sure thing" i nodd sitting on the bed looking where he was standing as he was closing the door i called his name "can you actually stay"

"Huh?" He called out with confusion in his voice

"I actually don't wanna be alone right now. So i was wkndering if you could stay" i was desperate but not trying to sound the part but i really needed comfort the hug he gave me earlier really made me see life was worth living and there is always gonna be light when it's dark you just gotta find it and i did.

"You sure??" conforming my offer I've never made before so im sure it caught him off guard.

"Yes. Please"

"OH!... i almsot forgot you can change into Justin's old clothes if you want" the brunette pointed over to his older brothers closet and dresser

~~

I changed into a grey lacrosse T- shirt and some black sweats with a string to fasten the waistband i get in the bed matt was already laying in on his phone. It was honestly kinda strange it was like we were dating but we weren't but that feeling wasn't a new one. I've always felt that way with him he made it easy to get butterflies he was nice and respectful when he wanted to be that's what makes me like him so much but i never let those feelings tk the surface cause i can't mess up what i have just for something more.

He cuts his phone off "goodnight?"

"Night" i replied sluggishly and very tired

He's turned my way so i turn facing him and scoot closer so he can wrap his arm's around me. After all that is the real reason i wanted him to stay so i can be in his warm embrace like before cause it made me feel at ease.

The whole house was at peace unlike mine. Little creaks and wind blows from outside the house and cars passing by, the room half lit from the moon casting into the room i don't think neither me or matt was sleep i could tell from his breathing pattern. Not reay he would just move a little. The room was warm but cold breezes from the air conditioning cutting on every now and then. I feel a tug at my waist it was matt pulling me closer to him, i get comfortable with our bodies intertwined on the soft mattress beneath us. We were so close to eachother i could feel his warmth of his breath on me. It was a feeling of security after awhile i dozed off and im sure matt did too.

A/n: yep thats its🎀🎀 feed my delusions and tell me it's good even if tou dont agree

#sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #chris sturniolo #nick sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #sturniolo x reader #matthew sturniolo imagines #matthew sturniolo

[they-call-me-emmy]

Memories - Tara Carpenter

I'm using da lyrics from 'Memories' by my angelic sweet angel face Conan Gray. I worship him. Thank you.

i dont even know how to classifiy this or whatever but lie eyhahh

yey.

It's been a couple months That's just about enough time For me to stop crying when I look at all the pictures

The Polaroids on your bed sheet. The small, scribbled dates in blue sharpie on the back. The way you genuinely looked happy in the photo. The way your own face looked back at you. The way her face looked back at you. It's been months. Get over it. That's what your friends tell you. What your family tells you. What you tell yourself.

Now I kinda smile, I haven't felt that in a while It's late, I hear the door Bell ringing and it's pouring

Tears well up in your eyes, blurring your vision and causing the lights to disable it completely. You needed to put these pictures down. Throw them away, lock them up, anything. Anything to make you stop looking. The sad, sarcastic laugh escapes your throat and you feel weird the moment it comes out.

You jump as the doorbell rings. You don't know who it could be. Its raining outside, you can hardly see the streetlamps. Your wearing the same baggy, stained shirt you'd been wearing for the previous week and a half. It might have been hers, you honestly can't remember.

You stumble to the door, opening it and feeling your eyes widen.

I open up that door, see your brown eyes at the entrance You just wanna talk and I can't turn away a wet dog

"Tara." You say, a slight twinge of coldness to your tone, although you were too shocked and hurt to muster up enough to shoot at her.

"Y/n." She said softly, the same tone as yours but the coldness replaced with what normally you would label as guilt. But Tara doesn't feel guilty....does she?

"Can I..." You clear your throat, willing yourself not to shout or cry or blame her for everything. It takes a lot of strength to not shut the door in her face, but you've always had a soft spot for her. "Can I help you?"

"I just...I just want to talk." She stares at her feet.

"Oh."

"Okay."

But please don't ruin this for me Please don't make it harder than it already is I'm trying to get over this

You can't have this girl ruining everything. Barging back in, to 'talk'. But you knew. You knew how much you wanted her back. But you're working for it. Working on getting over it. You're trying, you really are, but fuck. It might not be working. She's making this harder by coming here, bugging you. If she'd let you be, you'd forget about her, at some point.

Right?

I wish that you would stay in my memories But you show up today, just to ruin things I wanna put you in the past 'cause I'm traumatized

You wanted to forget. Have it all gone. Burn those fucking photos. But she's here, and she's real, and she's talking about how sorry she is, how her life is a mess and she needs a place to stay. And you can't do it now, you couldn't do it before and certainly not when she's crying in your living room. But you needed to get over her. You were scared.

But you're not letting me do that, 'cause tonight You're all drunk in my kitchen, curled in the fetal position Too busy playing the victim to be listening to me when I say

She's been drinking. The daze in her eyes and her wobbly movements and speech would show that to anyone. She's crying, telling you she left you for your own sake, that she didn't mean it and she was just having a hard time with life.

But now you were having a hard time. Because of her. And here she was, drunkenly crying to you. And here you were, letting her back in, for what? What're you getting out of this?

But you just can't turn her away.

"I wish that you would stay in my memories" In my memories, stay in my memories

"Tara, it's not right. You should leave. You're in my past. Go."

"G-God, please Y/n...d-don't k-kick me out-t." She sniffled, and her big brown eyes filled with more tears and suddenly you felt guilty, like kicking a bird from it's nest. But this wasn't her place. She didn't live here, you weren't with her. She had no right to stay.

But for some crazy reason you'd definitely regret in a day, you let her stay.

Now I can't say goodbye if you stay here the whole night You see, it's hard to find an end to something that you keep beginning Over and over again

"Can I stay over?" She asked you softly, her eyes wide and you couldn't say no.

Why can't you ever say no?

You knew that you'd never leave her behind if she kept coming back, forcing her way back into your heart. You knew you'd never get over her when she's laying on you couch like she used to, eyes closed and a sweet, innocent aura surrounding her sleeping figure.

I promise that the ending always stays the same So there's no good reason in make believing that we could ever exist again

You weren't ever going to go back to the way it was. She needs to stop trying. There's nothing in your favor. In your relationships favor. There's nothing that makes you two an important couple. You were just two people. You couldn't be with her anymore. That ship had sailed, and relationships never last through the second round.

I can't be your friend, can't be your lover Can't be the reason we hold back each other from falling in love With somebody other than me

You couldn't be her friend, it's too much to bear. The knowledge that you'd been with her, felt her, held her and loved her was too much. And she knew that. You couldn't be her girlfriend again. That hadn't worked out the first round, why would you suffer to try to survive the second? But she can't feel a connection, no, because then, she'd be stuck pity filled and guilty, and she too, just like you, would never move on and never find love. But it can't be with you, and it will never be because god fucking dammit that didn't work out and you ruined your chance. She ruined your chance.

She ruined this for you, and there was no going back. There was no fixing what had been broken.

And for that, she deeply regretted.

I clearly cannot write sad stuff

please comment because those are my favorites <3

#jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega x you #jenna ortega #tara carpenter #tara carpenter x reader #tara carpenter x you

[twisted-wonderland-but-gayer]

I had the greatest request idea ever

Okay so here me out

Octavinelle (all three together) end up stuck in their s/o's world. They can still do magic, but they just stick with them and do what they do.

Now, s/o's school has no dorms... so the trio are technically homeless. Not to worry, s/o will house them! ...They'll just have to hide the two super tall and one super greedy boys the brought home. Good thing Azul has an invisibility spell!

They'd definitely follow s/o around at school and mess with smh...

I'm rambling, sorry, but yeah that's my request creative liberties have fun you can ignore this if you want.

-Quinn

The OctoTrio In Yuu's Apocolypse!World

I am going extra; Yuu is from an apocalypse and lives in a fallout/nuclear bunker colony. Let's give these mfers a real fright in time for Halloween. Also, there are unnamed NPCs Yuu interacts with aside from one random Disney character I added, hehehe. If you want me to redo those and see the trio actually react a bit more lightheartedly to apocalypse life, lemme know. I'm kinda not proud of this at all.

Per usual. Yuu is Gn and kinda traumatized to add flavor. POV switching from 2nd (you/your) to 3rd (Yuu/They). Yuu and the Trio are kind of frenemies. Possible typos

No… No. No no no no no no no nO NO NO NO NO. You're back here again. That stupid fucking tanuki—! You glare at the memory. A simple lab gone wrong. 

****

What was supposed to be a heartwarming personal project had turned quickly into a nightmare. Grim had not only knocked over all the electronics you were using, but he also ended up spilling every single ingredient and chemical you had near you into one toxic stew. To make matters worse, it appeared that he had gotten into some sort of trouble, judging by how all three Octotrio members were assailing him.

At least it couldn’t get any worse…. It got worse.

The electronics and the chemicals reacted exactly opposite to what you wanted. Instead of bringing something to you, you were now being sucked in. To add insult to injury, the bastard that caused this didn’t even get sucked. Instead, the three other bastards that you wish would have been literally anyone else were falling with you… 

The feeling of atoms splitting and reassembling yourself wasn’t as nauseous as last time. You were sure by the sound of the trio that they would disagree… It was going to be one rough landing…

****

Just what happened here… Why was the air so harsh to breathe in? Azul felt as though something was assaulting and scratching at his throat with each breath in. He let out a few coughs, not noticing how Yuu cringed at the sound. Jade’s eyes felt as though they were burning, another wave of nausea washed over him, but it was a different feeling from before. This nausea wasn’t because of movement. He felt sick like something was wrong… Perhaps it was a mix of fear and stress? He hoped so.

“Yuu. Where are we?” Azul’s voice took on a very forced calm as he clenched his hands into fists, trying not to shake as he looked up at the dark smog-filled sky. Jade and Azul stared at Yuu as they closed their eyes pensively. “This place… Is what remains of my home. That is all you need to know.” Yuu’s voice shook slightly. They turned around and snagged the trios' hats on the ground, muttering something about scent trails.

Jade looks around, trying to figure out just what kind of situation he’s in. His and his family's safety was the most important thing right now. The mer swallowed a lump in his dry throat, looking out at a wasteland. Green grassy fields were charred black. Distant mountains looked altered and unnatural, as if they’d been destroyed. Ruins of old ghost towns ransacked RV homes, and leveled cities can be seen from the weird hill they were on, acting as the only landmark. 

Fear started to build within Jade with the unfamiliarity and eeriness of it all. It felt too calm, too quiet. Something was wrong here… Floyd glanced over at his brother as if sensing his discomfort. “According to my scanner, lead, and radiation levels here are low. It's safe to travel without masks or suits… Perfect.” Yuu smiled. Is this why shrimpy always had that weird mask on? Floyd thought as he eyed the gas mask in their arm.

Soon, Floyd spoke up.

“Ne ne, shrimpy? So like, when can we get out of here?”

 “Yes, I have a similar question. How are we going to get home?” 

“I have a good guess. I'll go to the same place I did last time when I fell into your world?” Azul listed a brow. “Which is…?” Yuu shoved the trio's hats into the bulky backpack they wore. “Going to the happiest place on earth, as they call it,” Yuu spoke, completely serious. “And if it doesn’t work… I'll help you adjust to your new magicless life here.”

“Ehh! I don't want to stay here! This place is a dump!” “I know, Floyd.” “There’s nothing to do!” “I know, Floyd.”

Jade suddenly butted in from where he stood. “Actually, that… project, for lack of a better term, was the reason we’re here, yes?” “That’s right, why would you want to come back to… This…” Azul interjected,

 “You guys ruining it is what brought us here. I wasn't trying to go back; I was trying to bring…” Yuu stopped themselves, “Ugh, never mind. Look, I have one thing to do today before we leave… hopefully.” “You can't be serious!” Azul snapped. 

Yuu practically snarled, “Um, I AM serious. So suck it up before I leave you out here to die. You were all responsible for getting us into this mess. You have no right to complain!” Yuu glared at them before walking over to what looked to be a small campsite. Among it was a small bunker that was heavily locked up. Yuu went behind it for a moment before emerging again.

They wheeled out a sleek motorcycle built for speed. A small sidecar was attached to it. The inside looked personalized with stickers and marker scribbles. There was even a tiny helmet fit for a child. Stickers covered the helm as well. Yuu snagged the helmet and shoved it into a side compartment of their bike. “Get in, you three.” The survivor spoke while adjusting their mask onto their face. “We’re going to the bunker town.”

****

Azul sat in the sidecar, hugging his knees as the twins pressed themselves flat against you. Floyd was standing while holding onto Jade, looking out into the horizon as you sped along. The ride acted as an excellent distraction for Floyd, making him forget about the dangers this world poses. He would barely even notice the gunfire happening in the distance as you sped up past it, approaching a town in the distance.

Despite this, everything felt… wrong. The air hurt his lungs. The sky is bleak; the world is silent. Occasionally they drove by a pile of something awful that was rotting. “Those things were once human,” Yuu would say. He couldn’t help but wonder how. The shrimpy’s behavior in NRC made sense to him now. How they always wore a mask, stocked up on food, and even set traps around their home. Floyd grumbles in the memory of hanging from the ceiling from when he first entered Ramshackle.

As the adrenaline from the joyride wore off, a strange sense of dread hung in the air as they approached the town, the ocean next to it looked… gross.

****

Soon they pulled up to what appeared to be a community of bunkers. The sign to the town was run down and worn. Despite the appearance of rusty bunkers, each one had their own colors and personality. Many shops and street markets were everywhere as traders sold their goods. Children played on the grass with their decorated gas masks. Dogs, birds, and cats wandered the area. For such a dead place, the community was alive. The ocean washed up mountains upon mountains of plastic and crates that people sifted through. No wonder Yuu was so worried about microplastics….

Yuu’s speed slowed as they came to a halt amongst the people walking about. A few turned their head at the sigh of Yuu, the ones that were unmasked looked as though they saw a ghost. Yuu propped their bike up against the small bunker of another shopkeeper. Her window was propped open as the prices of various cuts of meat were advertised from within. Azul slid out of the sidecar as the other jumped off, drawing the attention of the old butcher from within.

“Yuu? Is that you? Geez, kid, we thought you died out there!” “I don’t die easy… Still, it's good to see you… And it seems business is good as well” The old woman’s eyes crinkle as she used her knife to gesture behind you. “And they are?” Yuu pauses for a moment, “Partners.” 

“Ne ne~ Little Shrimpy is so serious today, yeesh. So now, all of a sudden, you can talk?” The people around the bunker stared in shock, a few muttering. Floyd could hear the whispers of ‘did they seriously say that to them?!’ ‘Yuu is gonna kill him' and so on. So much annoying noise in his eyes.

“What? Why’re staring at me for?!” One customer looked between the masked eel, then the hooded human, once, then twice. Yuu waved their hand down a few times, and the crowd hesitantly obeyed, looking away and continuing about their day. “My, you’re well known around here…” Jade jokes, eliciting an eye roll from Yuu, who takes off their customized mask. The human turns to the woman in the bunker.

“I’m going to leave my bike here, miss… I have matters to attend to…” The young human scowled before sighing. “Hmm, aren’t you afraid someone would take it?” Jade asks quizzically. “No one would have the balls. I’m well known around here…” Yuu started to walk off just for Azul to sputter. “Wh-Wha- Where are you going?!” “To do something.”

“You can’t just leave us alone! We’re not from here!” 

“Now you know how I felt.” 

“Yuu!”

****

The trio follows Yuu into a large and seemingly run-down building. The rusty door on the outside had “MEDBAY” sprayed onto it. Opening the heavy door, Azul was pleased to see that the inside of the building was much cleaner than the outside suggested.

It looked just like a genuine medical building, all modernized with the best equipment. It was air-conditioned and freshly cleaned. Kids' drawings and posters decorated the walls. A few run-down couches and chairs made up humble waiting areas in front of the main ‘desk’ of the room, which consisted of a long table. Yuu went up to it and started talking to the person going through piles of paperwork. The person froze and stuttered at the sight of Yuu.

Azul began to zone out, uninterested in their interaction. He allowed his eyes to wander. The twins noticed and followed Azul. There was a small board listing all of the people that donated to the construction of the medical bay. Azul strutted over to it for a second, noting just how much Yuu appeared on there. Thank you for donating an x-ray machine. We thank Yuu for their most recent adventure, bringing back 15 medical kits and a brand new microscope. Azuls eyes scanned quickly, Yuu brought over medical equipment of all kinds. 

Even the kid’s drawing had drawings of Yuu as well. “Ehe seems like Shrimpy is pretty popular around here~ Wonder why. All the kids love them, though!” Jade chuckles, “These drawings are unique, to say the least.” He snickers at a few that depict Yuu in a very unflattering way. Azul also smirks but starts to think, is this why they came back here?

****

Yuu trailblazed down the hallway of the building like a damned bat out of hell. Azul sputtered to catch up with them as Floyd ran right behind Yuu, enjoying this fun ‘game’ they’re playing. Their frame suddenly stops in front of a well-decorated and glittery door covered in cute drawings of candy, among other things. Yuu’s hand hesitantly reached for the doorknob.

“Caught you, Shrimpy!” Floyd exclaims, holding onto the survivor. They smacked into the door, and Yuu pushed off Floyd. “What the actual fuck is wrong with you!” They hissed. “Yeesh, calm down, Shrimpy! Your such a downer~” Azul watched nervously between the pair as sparks flew. Jade was getting ready to intervene. 

“Yuu? Is that you? Are you here?” A small voice sounded from within the room. The anger from Yuu’s stance disappeared, and a hopeful glint returned to their eyes. The door opened to reveal a young girl. 

She was absolutely tiny, smaller than most children. Her large amber lies looked up at Yuu with admiration and shock. Her black hair was slicked back into a ponytail held up by a ribbon decorated with little candy charms along her hair. She wore a green hoodie embroidered with small candies along with old rips. A tiny skirt peaked out from underneath, practically engulfed by her hoodie. She stepped back and opened the door more as she stood there, holding onto her green leggings before sticking them in her hoodie.

The girl and Yuu stared at each other for a moment. “Vanellope, I—“ “You idiot!” The girl yelled and charged into Yuu. Azul watched as the girl sobbed into Yuu's legs before Yuu scooped them up into a hug. “Where were you? I was so worried. I-I was— was— afraid something happened!” She choked between sobs, “To you! Everyone said you were gone!” For the first time the trio had seen, Yuu shed a tear. 

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to…” “You better explain everything!” Vanellope pushed away from Yuu and pouted before glancing over at the trio behind her. “Who are they?” Yuu paused briefly and looked back at Jade, Floyd, and Azul. “… Friends…”

“Oh? Are they your best friends?” Vanellope asked, smirking. “Well, are we?” Jade asked with a smug smirk that Floyd and Azul also shared. “Yes. We are.” The girl in Yuu’s arms starts laughing. “You're so full of it! Haha! It's so obvious!” Yuu sighs as they set Vanellope down and enter her room.

****

The room was small, but homey. There was a small desk with some coloring crayons and a few toy cars on the desk and floor. A few candy streamers hung from the wall, and a few posters hung up on the wall. Trinkets, toys, plushies, and books were sprawled about. Everything was candy themed in the child’s room. 

In the corner near the window, however, was a hospital bed, a small table with paperwork piled on it. Floyd noticed how stiff Yuu became as they stared at the corner and looked over at Jade. Usually, Floyd could tell how his brother felt, but his expression was unreadable even to him.

“Soooo….” Vanellope trails off, pulling some small stools and chairs to her bed that she sits on, candy corn plush in her lap. She beamed excitedly with her childish innocence. “Tell me everything!” 

Yuu chucked and set their bag down, sifting through it. Azul peaked over to notice them pulling out trinkets of all sorts. Among them were a few shells he recognized from the Coral Sea, along with a plush they got from the museum souvenir shop. A few more trinkets popped out, and Azul realized that Yuu had been collecting things their entire time while in NRC.

****

“And then that's when Riddle yelled ‘off with your head!’ Super loudly, and you won't believe what happens next!” Jade nearly snorted at the exaggeration as he listened to Yuu’s very watered-down, kiddie-friendly story of some of their times in college. It did work; Vanellope was on the edge of her seat with anticipation. Azul had never seen Yuu this expressive or soft for anyone. It was a very new side to them that he would be sure to make a note of.

Floyd watched on at the kids babbling, her legs swinging as she gripped the new eel plush in her lap. He smirked and joined in on the storytelling, making sounds with his mouth to replicate what happened and even acting some parts out, much to Vanellope's delight. Jade let a quiet chuckle and glanced over at Azul, who was watching the domestic scene unfold. A frown crossed his face.

“Oya? What’s wrong, Azul? Homesick?” Azul looked over at Jade for a moment before leaning in and whispering. “Oh shush, you are too but besides that. Aren’t we in a hospital?” Jade nods for a moment before his eyes widen a bit in realization. “You think this girl, Vanel—“

“Oh, oh! What about this one? Where did you get this one from?” Vanellope asks, holding up the plush eel Yuu pulled out from earlier. Yuu chuckled, “Oh, that comes from the Coral Sea, a dangerous place deep underground!” “Oh, oh, tell me more!” “Actually, I was thinking Azul should, you see, he grew up living in the deep sea!” 

Yuu nudged Azul cheekily, “Right, Azul? I’m sure you can tell her some amazing stories…” Azul narrowed his eyes for a moment before clearing his throat. “Of course, let me think…” Floyd suddenly pulled Vanellope onto his shoulders. “Oh, I know one! Me and my brother here one time fought a huge sturgeon for his scales! C’mon, Jade, you remember!” Jade hummed before nodding his head. “Yes, yes, I remember it going a little like this….”

****

As stories dragged on, the group found themselves playing with the girl as well. Floyd manhandled and let the little menace crawl and climb all over him like a jungle gym and showing off his height by holding her to the ceiling. Azul even found himself playing dolls with the girl, and Jade would often help her build strange racetracks for her toy cars. As time went on, the girl became more mellow with drowsiness.

Yuu’s happy expression dropped to a more somber one. “Well, that was all that happened when I was gone; how have you been holding up since? I’m sorry I wasn’t here to provide for you…” Vanellope’s happy grin dropped as she sat herself on her bed, kicking her feet again. Yuu’s expression dropped further. “How is your condition, gumdrop?”

Vanellope's energetic self from minutes earlier was gone, and her eyes watered. “They say that I’m not going to make it, Yuu. My condition is worsening every day… I heard a nurse say…” Her voice trailed off as she started to sob, “That I’m dying very soon."

Vanelllope shook and wiped away her tears, trying her absolute best to be a big girl. Yuu held back their grief and held onto their little sister, squeezing her tight. Silent sobs echoed throughout the room. Azul looked away awkwardly, feeling as if he was intruding on something. Floyd’s cheery attitude dropped as well, and even Jade was sympathetic. 

****

“I need to find her; I need to go back!” Jade pressed his back against the wall outside the headmaster's room as he eavesdropped. “What do you mean that I can't go back?! I need to go back! I have someone waiting for me! I need to take care of her!” 

Jade smirked as the drama unfolded from behind the door. “Please, Crowley! It’s been a month! Surely you found something! I love her!” How poor and unfortunate and utterly juicy. He strutted off, ready to inform Azul about a possible contract.

****

“Fuck you, Azul.”

“Pardon?”

“I said: Fuck. You. Asshole.”

Azul can feel Yuu glaring at him through their mask. Yuu snagged the contract out of his hand and ripped it. “What the fuck s wrong with you, Ashengrotto?!” Azul felt a cold sweat coming on. “You send one of your weird lackeys to spy on me and are trying to get me some ‘other girl’ ?!” 

Azul held up his hands. “You’ve got it all wrong,” Azul speaks calmly, “We simply heard that you were lonely, and believe me when I say that I can help you find love or a new girlfriend if you—“ “Girlfriend? GIRLFRIEND?!”

It was a good thing Floyd was there to drag Yuu away from lunging at Azul. A paralysis spell had to be cast on them, and even then, they could still fight against it due to the amount of rage coursing through their body. Floyd laughed at their struggle before throwing them out of the dorm. 

Ever since then, Yuu has hated the trio. When it came time to try and stop Azul’s contracts, by Crowley's demand, it became much more awkward. Yuu was practically ready to rip Azul apart the minute he opened his mouth.

That’s not even mentioning the fights they got into with Floyd that ended up messing up the cafeteria. The memory swirled in Azul's head, and he felt a newfound disgust at his actions.

****

“… I’m breaking you out of here, gumdrop.” Yuu states. The girl looks up with wide eyes. “Grab your stuff and shove it in my bag. We’re going.” The girl smiled and ran to grab all of her things, shoving cars, toys, and plushies of all kinds into Yuu's bag. Whatever they couldn’t fit, Jade happily held onto. Floyd held onto the girl as the Yuu, Jade, and Azul crowded around him and speed-walked about of vicinity before any nurses could stop them.

****

Vanelope happily sat in front of Yuu as they sped alongside the polluted beach until they were far away from town. Only then did Yuu stop, and everyone got off once more. “There. We’re away from everyone and close to getting these guys home.” Yuu put their hands on their hips and nodded.

Vanellope took off her petite and decorated helmet and looked out at the sea. “‘Zul, Floyd, didn’t you say the ocean where you’re from is clear? Not all full of plastic and stuff?” The child walked along the shore, kicking at trash that washed up. Azul looked out, disgusted with everything he saw in what would be his home. Now he understood why Yuu wanted to check any lead or plastic levels in all their food before eating. “Yes, definitely better than this.”

“Lucky. I always wondered what the ocean would be like. If you try and swim in here, you’ll get sick or poked with something sharp.” The kid poked at the sand, drawing shapes along it. “I always wanted to go out and explore and go super fast on a bike or car, but I got sick… So I had to stay inside…” Yuu frowned as they sat near their bike, allowing their sister to talk to the others.

“They said that there’s some weird stuff with my body, so I can't go outside much; I always hated it! I wanted to explore just like Yuu does and go collect all sorts of things from everywhere! …” Vanellope's voice became hushed so that Yuu couldn’t hear. “Sometimes I wonder why they stick around instead of driving off and find a better place than here…” 

Floyd looked down and squatted down. “Well, your outta that place now. Why can't you go explore?” Vanellope looked up at the mage. “I am very sick, so it can make it worse.” “The doc said your already dyin’, so what gives? May as well go out and explore.”

Jade nods. “That is true. After all, wouldn’t you like to see a real sea before you die?” Vanellope beams, “Yes, yes! There's so much stuff I want to do! I want to go fast, and I want to explore!” The girl rambles on and on and on for a good while, lifting up the mood once again.

“Vanellope.” Yuu interrupts. “I have to take these assholes home.” “Hey, how come you can curse but I can’t” “You’re not old enough to, now listen. I’m gonna take these guys back home, but what sort of adventure would you like to do?”

The child stood up. “Wait, me? Really? I mean, what about you? Don’t you have better stuff to do?” “I always wanted to make you happy, and if it were up to me, I would have taken you with me and driven off years ago, far away from here. The only thing I have regretted was waiting.” Yuu pats the girl's head. “So what’ll it be? You wanna explore the wasteland? Or go see the sea?”

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland yuu #yuu #vanellope von schweetz #jade leech x reader #jade leech #azul ashengrotto #azul ashengrotto x reader #floyd leech #floyd leech x reader #apocolypse yuu #apocalypse yuu #hello hollow

[lilyevanstan1325]

❤️ Built For This World ❤️

Prologue

It's dark.

Too dark.

And it's dangerous.

Too dangerous.

But I can't stop.

I just can't.

The darkness surrounds me, enveloping everything.

Like a black cloak made of whispers and fears.

I run as hard as I can, pushing my legs with all the strength I have in my body.

I feel the muscles contracting painfully, I feel my chest tightening in a painful vice.

My lungs burn.

Yet with every step I feel more and more free.

Free.

What a beautiful thing.

Beautiful but scary.

But also exciting.

I still can't believe I did it.

That I really did it.

I refocus my attention on the present.

I try to avoid the trees that pass by me, blurry and threatening.

A few strands of hair dance in front of my eyes, their trying hardest to distinguish what they see.

The only light illuminating this horrible place comes from the moon, partially hidden tonight by some clouds.

In the air in addition to my labored and agitated breathing, there are the dry leaves crushed with force by my boots and the agitated beating of my heart.

Or maybe that's just in my ears?

Yet it seems so strong to me that I fear it could be heard even miles away.

Then a moan, like a wheeze, catches my attention but only for a moment.

I can't stop now.

I veer my run slightly to the left hoping to go in the opposite direction of the sound, I wouldn't be able to deal with a fucking biter right now.

I just have to keep going.

I have to move.

Put as much distance as possible between me and that godforsaken place.

I can't let him find me.

I have to get as far away as possible before he notices that I'm gone.

Sweat drips heavily from my forehead, making my eyes burn.

The same sweat makes my clothes stick to my body as if they were a second skin.

The fabric of the jeans burns the flesh where my thighs rub, it feels like the skin is fusing with it but I can't stop.

I cannot.

As I fight against my own body, preventing it from giving up, my run comes to an abrupt stop.

Violently.

I feel my head being yanked back, the sudden movement causing me to fall onto my back.

The impact with the hard ground makes the air escape from my lungs with such violence that it almost makes me puke.

The backpack sinks into my skin.

I can feel the outline of each contained object digging small but painful furrows into my skin.

But I don't scream.

One thing I learned is that during an apocalypse silence could mean survival.

I hold back the pain by biting my tongue.

I can't attract any more of those disgusting biters.

Maybe, if I'm lucky enough, I can kill only one of them at the moment.

Without wasting any further time I try to retrieve my father's advice from the recesses of my mind.

“If you end up on the ground my little girl, roll over and grab the first object you find.Get back on your feet and fight.Never turn your back on your enemy”

His big dark eyes come back in my mind.

His sweet smile.

The father that he was before this damn apocalypse fried everyone's brains.

Alive and dead.

Taking a deep breath I roll onto my right side and grab my beloved knife from my thigh I get back to my feet, hesitant but confident.

I can do it.

And as I get into position, spreading my legs a little and bending my knees, a detail catches completely my attention.

The silence.

It's too quiet.

No inhuman sounds.

Just my labored breathing and the rustling of the leaves.

I look around confused but without abandoning my defensive position.

With slow and measured breaths I begin to spin around.

Taking an overview of everything around me.

My brain slowly scans and catalogs everything around me, deciding what is a danger and what is not.

Trees.

Trees.

And more trees.

Around me only an expanse of damn trees.

What the fuck?

I slowly straighten up without ever letting go of my knife.

I lift my free hand and carefully touch the back of my head, right where I felt I was grabbed.

The skin burns and is painful but there is no blood.

This is a good sign.

Even more confused, I take the backpack off my shoulders, in my movement a pang of pain radiates from my side making me hiss.

I've always hated running, I'm not good at it.

Positioning my backpack on the trunk of a fallen tree that is just in front of me, I put the knife back in a safe place.

I open it and look inside.

The flashlight slips through my sweaty fingers.

I sigh trying to calm my nerves and dry my hands by rubbing them on my jeans full of dirt from my recent fall.

Once done with a firm grip I grab the flashlight again and turn it on.

I look around very slowly and I notice something protruding from a tree behind me.

Approaching with caution and trying to keep my step as light and silent as possible, I understand what stopped my run.

A damn branch.

A damned branch that now exposes a lock of my hair as if it were a trophy.

Long black strands of hair that move elegantly swinging in the wind.

I sigh and turn off the flashlight.

I have to save my batteries and above all I don't want to be seen.

I check my limited supplies and another sigh escapes my control.

I won't get very far with just two bottles of water, a dozen granola bars and some clothes.

I should have stolen more things before embarking myself in this total madness.

I left food, water, protection...but I really couldn't live like that anymore.

Living with a man I thought I knew.

I really thought that he loved me more than anything in the world.

For my part, I will love him forever, how could I not...

A knot tightens in my throat but it's not remorse.

Not even fear.

It's just the sadness of having believed so much, almost blindly, in a person who at least lost his mind.

This new world has changed everyone, including me.

But deep down I'm still me.

I have my principles, principles that not even a damned apocalypse can erase.

I know that nowadays only the fittest survive, I'm not stupid.

Kill so as not to be killed.

But I don't want to believe that this is all that remains of humanity.

I believe there is more.

There must be more.

Otherwise why do we live?

What are we fighting for then?

Where has the love gone?

The kindness?

My mother always told me "Be kind to the world and it will be kind to you"

A sad smile graze my lips while the lump in my throat extends down into my stomach at the thought of my mother.

I'm almost happy that she didn't live enough to see the disastrous end of our wonderful family.

And the usual thought comes back to my mind showing off, almost mocking me.

If she were alive, would dad have met the same fate?

But unfortunately I will never have the answer for this question.

I forcefully fight back the tears, I can't cry.

Not here.

Not now.

Swallowing a small sip of water I decided to get back on the road.

This time without running.

The moon is still high in the sky, which means that it will be at least another three or four hours before anyone notices that I'm gone.

I look around trying to reorganize my ideas and understand how to move.

The smartest move would be to head south, towards Atlanta.

Find out if it is really a safe place, if there is still hope for all of this.

Anxiety invades my mind again.

It's a long journey, I know...but it could be my only possibility.

It could be, in fact, the only way of salvation I have.

I studied some maps and the only thing I came up with was that it is about 620 miles and at most, that is, with the right amount of food, water and rest, I could travel 40 miles a day.

Which translated into hours would be around 10 hours.

This means that within 15 to 20 days I could arrive in Atlanta.

I laugh at myself, I'm really overestimating myself.

Because obviously there is the reality of the facts...I don't have enough supplies and enough strength to do this.

I only had run for, how long?

Five miles?

And I already feel like I'm dying.

For a moment, just for a moment, the thought of going back crosses my mind.

The thought of coming back to him...but it's only for a moment.

I shake my head trying to clear it of any negative thoughts.

I put my backpack back on my shoulder, fix my ponytail and take some big deep breaths.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

No, I can't go back and I don't want to.

There must be something else.

There must be something else for me out there.

Maybe one day I'll find someone, something.

Maybe I'll find some people I can call family.

Maybe I'll find a place to call home.

Or maybe I'll never make it to Atlanta.

Maybe I'll never know if there's anything good out there.

But I'm sure of one thing...I'll die trying.

Please comment, share and rate ❤️

🔥 Masterlist 🔥

#fanfiction #twd daryl #daryl dixon #the walking dead daryl #daryl fanfiction #daryl x oc #twd fanfiction #twd family #twd fandom #twd fic #daryl dixion smut #smut #the walking dead #norman reedus #builtforthisworld #daryl #daryl smut #daryl dixon smut #norman reedus smut

[lovethatmakingcoffee]

Part 2

Forever

I have seen amazing artists and content creators come and go, and some get taken out by cancellation. Whether it was true or not, I’ve seen the fellow painter and aspiring film maker be chased off respective platforms or generally scared away because of the negative effects of cancellation. They will be canceled over stupid things they did in the past close to a decade ago or over something that isn't true. And honestly, I'm sick of it. I don’t care who you cancellers are, I want to rip you apart with fangs and claws. And I'm sick all of you trolls getting what you want. 

There was one artist I knew who made the most beautiful pieces and one random asshole one day called them out for being a pedo. Were they? No, and how would they even know anyway? But everyone just jumped up and dogpiled her. I tried my hardest to intervene and tell her not to listen to what they had to say, but the damage had been done, they succeeded and chased her off. And I will never forgive them for that. Such a talented person chased off and for what? To stroke someone's ego? Because they were jealous? It doesn’t matter. This terrible rage in my stomach has been building up with every artist running away with the fear of being cancelled and I can’t take it. 

When it first began, the cancellation movement, some foresaw how bad it would be and realized that they didn’t want to face it. For example, my beloved Jenna Marbles. Who knows, maybe she was tired of the whole YouTube scene to begin with, she had been doing it for ten years after all, but she decided to do her own cancellation to free herself from someone bringing it up instead. Maybe she realized how dangerous this was and that she should just leave before it was too late, cause with 2020 and that cancelling movement on the horizon, I don’t think my girl had the strength to keep up. She did her own cancellation suicide and fucked off, escaping criticism by criticizing herself. And I was heartbroken. Still am. That it had gotten so bad that a content creator would freely air out her own dirty laundry to feed the rabid wolves and make her escape. And there were those who relished off of it. Happy she was gone. Making me sick and fueling my anger even more. 

And then there were more. Mostly men, cancelled here and there. I won't name names, but we know them. Know who they are if you followed any cancellation ever. And chased off usually over some stupid shit they said in their twenties or being accused of grooming. Which the former most of the time seems easier to bounce back from then the later. Being called a racist, homophobic, etc., can be subjective. Especially during this day and age when the internet is so unbelievably sensitive to everything because they read every word with malicious intent towards themselves specifically. But so many content creators get targeted at the height of popularity or just because they were extremely popular. It’s obvious. So well known, and the bigger they are, the harder they fall. And some if not many, y'know, don’t deserve it. Some if not many don’t deserve cancellation and I will bite with so much rage in my being on their part. I know they can probably take care of themselves, but there are so many who can’t. They can’t hold on in these seas of accusations.

And then there are those who bounce back. Many will argue that they shouldn’t, but after time many seem to have forgiven what they were canceled about or just simply don’t care. Like Mr. Logan Paul for example. The man had such a lack of sense that he filmed a dead body and posted that on Youtube. And now he is doing interviews for Mr Beast. I just find that one... Interesting? Now, I don’t know much about Logan Paul except for all his drama. I don’t care too much for him cause he’s pretty loud and that hurts my ears. Nor is his content for me. I don’t know much about him as a person at all and can’t speak on behalf of his character. I don't know if Logan Paul grew up or gained some common sense, but what I do know is that he held out. He washed off all the judgment and accusations, drama or whatever and held on. Which seems to be the only cure for cancel culture on the internet. Is to endure.

And I don't want these trolls to feel more empowered than they already do. Cause I hate these trolls and want to cave their teeth in. Or maybe expose them too. Show your face, cowards behind the screen. You accuse those who are wide out in the open of the most terrible things, at least have the balls to say it to their faces instead of hiding in your monitors.

And frankly, when has cancellation ever helped anyone? I find it very useless and it just hurts people. Maybe if it was directed at large corporations or films making ugly versions of sonic, then I could see that as impactful. But no, it usually goes after the individual which is just so stupid. Hounding them about the past and past shit they said. So idiotic, it baffles me that people still allow it. To let the trolls say they have moral superiority over you and what they say goes. Gross. And you just know that these bastards on the other side of the screen have done shit too. They’ve said the wrong thing to the wrong person. Probably worse. Made the nastiest of jokes and comments. And are just being hypocritical and immature. I know I am also not above people and stupid dark jokes and these trolls should quickly learn this too if they know what’s good for them.

And these cancellers certainly have a lot of time on their hands. They might be young. Maybe. Might be a stupid kid which if so I could expand the notion, that if it is a stupid kid, then yeah, they could be forgiven for what they've done one day as I would expect these content creators to be forgiven for the stupid shit they said in their youth one day too. But also, what they did was horrible. I would respect Forever if he actually went about suing someone, but I don’t think he can sue a child. But still, what a horrible child. If only their parents knew. That they are dismantling lives just because they find someone annoying.

But to be for real and realistic, I think this person is some sad boring unemployed troll who resents him for whatever reason and this is their way of retaliation. And with that... Forever get their ass. He is upending your life and attempted to do the same to some of your friends. Get em.

And lastly, if Forever really was a creep, which no he is not, I want to ask Quackity if he did background checks on any of these content creators? Or did he just invite them in which I could see as a major oversight. Because these creators, I feel like when inviting them into something like a Minecraft server, it’s akin to a sponsorship. It supports your project but you have to do a thorough background check to see if they are safe for stream. Which is just why I found that it doesn't make sense at all that at least Quackity wouldn't know about Forever’s past! With how rife and pungent cancel culture is now, if I was him, I'd be so on edge. Especially if it’s my passion project was on the line. And he should know what it's like, even at his young age, he should know from what he's seen. And maybe the QSMP was seen as something small at first so he didn’t make the precautions, but once QSMP was getting bigger, wouldn’t he have checked? He should have been able to as well. Some rando online found these tweets thanks to pure spite, I'm sure Quackity and co could have done some digging sooner, months earlier and have made a decision. So this, this here, makes the least sense to me out of this entire nonsensical situation. 

But hey, if Forever somehow is a freak which I can tell he’s not, then I will eat my words. But that is not today.

(Same with part 1. I will block you if I find you too annoying. My temper is short and my block button is sincerely right there.)

(But I have said what I wanted to say. There is probably more. But Goodbye for now.)

#qsmp #quackity smp #forever #foreverplayerg #qsmpforever #qsmp forever #discourse #I have much to say

[sunnylands-world]

Punishment

Join taglist

Draco was pissed after he walked in on you touching yourself but he knew how to fix that. "Since you are such an expert at touching yourself you can do it instead of me. I told you to wait but guess I'm gonna get a little show" he said and your eyes went wide like you saw a ghost. you didn't have the confidence to do that. "Draco please! I just couldn't wait; I wanted you and you were teasing me" you begged causing Draco to smirk.

"yeah you're desperate aren't you can't even handle some teasing" he mocked. You nodded. his smirk grew bigger as he crawled onto the bed where you sat in your panties wet. "Mmm poor thing you just wanna be touched. have me licking and sucking on your poor sensitive clit and you grinding on my mouth or me on top of you all sweaty fucking you till my friends hear the bed hit the wall and complain and you scream till your voice is gone" he said and you begin to grind on the bed unconscious of the action.

"My wet little pussy liked that didn't she let me see you spread your legs and touch her" he said leaving you to his king like chair in the corner pulling his shirt over his head and sat with his legs open leaning in his chair with one arm resting on the arm of the chair. "Draco please" you whined but he ignored it. "if you want pleasure then touch yourself before you don't come at all and I really want my pretty pussy to cum for me so do as I said y/n '' he said and the seriousness in his voice showed.

you whined but laid back far to wet and turned on to disobey him. your hand ran slowly across your body grabbing your breast on the way and chills ran over your body as you reached your panties causing you to squirm from the build up of teasing and no touching. "that's it get her all wet go nice and slow y/n nice and slow"  he ordered as you wiggled in desperation. He read your body language so well he could tell you were begging for touch as your toes curled and feet ran across your slightly closed legs.

you put your fingers to the waistband of your panties pulling them down slowly lifting your ass up to remove them. Draco felt himself growing in his black dress pants as he watched your little show. you finally got your legs free and your fingers met your wet lips as your finger slid through making you shudder. "Open those sexy thighs for me darling. put on a show for me, please me, be a good girl for me" he said rubbing over the tint in his pants. you spread your legs and you could hear him groan. "good girl I knew you'd be wet for me" you moved your fingers to your clit moving in a circular motion getting high off his dirty talk. you started whimpering and wiggling and draco had freed himself from his pants. his hand wrapped his thick cock as he worked his hand up and down.

"draco" you cried and he hummed in response. "I want you" you begged again this time draco stood tired of the suffering he was causing himself and climbed between your legs grabbing your hand pushing it away aggressively causing you to gasp. "you want me to fuck you y/n is that what you want my horny girl you wanna feel me sliding in and out of you" he asked tilting his head to the side. "yesss" you begged and he smiled. "Good girl using your manners when you beg for my cock" he said with his cock teasing your wet opening and you tried to move your hips against him but he grabbed your waist pushing you to the mattress clicking his tongue and shaking his head.

"behave y/n I'll only reward you if you listen. I'm in control" he said as he pushed into you. you gripped him tight already ready to cum. he pushed you over the edge as he thrust in out of you doing his usual movement rotating his hips to feel around in your walls. "your so tight and wet for me," he said, groaning.  you nodded and he smirked as his hands rested on the sides of your head he began thrusting into you. you cried out bringing your hands to his back and your fingers to his hair and the other rested digging your nails in his skin.

he moved faster in and out of you moaning draco loved when you touched his hair especially when he fucked you and you gripped tightened like you were telling him to go slower but he would quickly do the opposite "oh fuck draco I'm gonna cum" you screamed bringing your legs around his back "cum for me cum all over my cock be a good girl like I know you are" he whispered in your ear and felt his breath brush your skin and you came coating his cock in warm white sticky cum and he shuddered as he came shooting ropes deep inside you with his head thrown back. I'll always be better at touching you y/n.

Request open 💙

#draco malfoy #draco malfoy fanfiction #draco malfoy fluff #draco malfoy imagine #draco x you #draco fanfiction #draco malfoy x reader #malfoy #draco imagine #draco x reader #draco smut #draco malfoy smut #draco fluff #draco fic #draco lucius malfoy #draco angst

[callsign-bunnie]

Can I get some Price, Gaz, and Alex comfort after that one shot you just did? Please and thank you :)

Of course, thanks raccoon.

--

Gaz curled up tightly on the couch, sipping the tea Price had given him. He ignored the way Price paced and ranted and raved. He was so tired but he couldn't sleep.

Violation filled his very soul and he felt like throwing up with every movement.

Alex finally came back to the apartment. He looked... downtrodden. He'd immediately left to find the bastard, but Gaz knew he'd be too far gone. That was the way the world spun. Alex came over and crouched down, taking Gaz's hand, gently.

Gaz melted when he saw Alex had his ring in his hand. Alex slid it on Gaz's finger. "I couldn't find him but I found this. I think it fell off."

Gaz relaxed. Price had stopped moving, just watching them. "You need to go to a hospital."

"I'm not doing a rape kit." Gaz mumbled. "No I've... No. I've seen my friends have to get those done. It would be like reliving it. Besides, they're not going to process it."

"They might." Price grred, but he didn't fight Gaz. "You still need to go to the hospital. Your arm is messed up." His tone softened as he sat on the couch. His demeanor had turned to be more gentle, though this was clearly uncharted territory for him.

Gaz slumped. Price was right. He'd need to get tested... He tensed, suddenly, the fear of pregnancy striking deep in his soul. He couldn't even stop the sobs from erupting out of his body, causing him to slump forward.

The tea spilled everywhere but Gaz couldn't care less. Alex immediately had his arms around him. Gaz didn't get it. His friends hadn't wanted anyone to touch them, afterwards, but Gaz wanted nothing less than for Alex to keep holding him.

Price eventually gently touched his shoulder, rubbing it gently.

Gaz relaxed fully, though he kept sobbing. Alex's scent surrounded him and Gaz felt blanketed by it. "God, what if he got me pregnant?"

"We'll take care of it." Alex shrugged, almost nonchalant. But Gaz could feel the tenseness in his body. It was so subtle anyone else would have missed the rage that was there, held barely at bay. But Gaz knew Alex, well enough, to know that this was a false calm.

Somehow, it only comforted him more. He looked up at Alex, melting as Alex wiped the tears from his face. "You... you still want to marry me, right?"

"What kind of question is that??" Alex frowned deeply. "I want to do so many things. I want to go find that motherfucker and snap his fucking neck. I want to break every bone in his body. And I want to marry you."

Gaz melted.

"Kid, it wasn't your fault." Price spoke up. "It's never your fault."

Gaz shook his head. "I... no, I had the warning sign. I should have been more careful... He... made it pretty obvious in the restaurant what he was going to do..." He felt ashamed. He could have avoided this.

Alex immediately shook his head. "No. No. Do not blame yourself." He almost was ordering it and Gaz paused at the intensity in his tone, tensing a little. Alex leaned down, kissing over his face. "You. Did. Nothing. Wrong." He separated each word with a kiss.

Gaz melted and the guilt started to subside. He nodded, after a moment. Everything would certainly not be alright. But... Alex still wanted to marry him. Neither of them blamed him.

"Can I take a bath?" He asked, after a moment, suddenly aware of how disgusting he felt. "I... I really want to get clean."

Price seemed to hesitate and for a moment, Gaz worried he'd mention the rape kit again, but... instead, he just nodded. "I don't see why not."

"I'll run it for you." Alex said, immediately, and left to the bathroom.

Gaz curled back up into the couch. The tea made him feel sticky but he preferred that to the earlier feeling.

"I'll clean up the couch." Price murmured, after a moment. "Come here." He offered his arm and Gaz immediately moved into it.

"Thank you... Dad..." He rarely used the nickname but Gaz didn't plan to deny himself, that night. He needed Price like he needed a father and Price clearly was willing to fulfill that role.

"Of course, son." Price murmured and kissed his temple.

#Kyle Gaz Garrick #Gaz Cod #Alex Keller #Alex COD #Gaz x Alex #Alex x Gaz #call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #call of duty modern warfare II #John Price #Price COD #A father and his son #the part 1 is dead dove don't eat so i'm not gonna link it

[poisonouswritings]

hi i need to know what happened right after sage uhm uhm , and mc was like what are you doing 🏃‍♀️💨🙏🙏🙏🙏😳

A,,anon,,, plz,,, I have one functioning braincell,,,,, what in the hell is this referring to?? I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess it's about the shower thing from the Roadtrip saga but if that's wrong and you meant something else please let me know!!

GN!Reader, mentions of NSFW but nothing significant enough to warrant a cut

Roadtrip Part 2

"Isn't it kind of early for a shower?"

It's 3:07 AM.

Sage just had a rather vivid sexual fantasy about you.

And now you're sitting in your pajamas, looking up at him with those big, innocent eyes that reflect the blue light of your phone screen.

It's 3:08 AM.

Sage gives a nervous, awkward laugh. He didn't bring any clothes into the bathroom with him. His only saving grace is the darkness of the room and the threadbare too-small towel hanging low on his hips. He can see you but you can't really see him. He's pretty sure.

He raises one hand to rub the back of his neck. Pauses. Quickly pulls it back down in the hope you don't notice. "U-um... S-sorry if I woke you. I didn't think the shower was that loud."

You finally set your phone off to the side. Now that the light of your screen is gone he can't make out your expression. In some ways it's a massive relief. But in others it terrifies him. Are you scowling with disgust? Do you know what he was doing? Fuck, did you hear him? He's such an idiot, he should've never-

"No, it wasn't that. I told you before, it's cold in here. Without you to snuggle with, the blanket just isn't enough."

It's 3:09 AM.

Sage swallows. His throat feels thick and his chest is practically vibrating from how fast his heart is going. His words trip one over the other. "O-oh, really? Cause you're kinda- I-I mean the room is- I mean I was kinda... Uh... K-kinda sweaty! A-and I didn't wanna sweat on you so taking a shower seemed like the best thing to do."

Yup. Yeah. Nailed it.

Through the cracks in the blinds he can see a flurry of movement. Heavy fabric fluttering and falling on itself. Hitting the floor.

It's 3:10 AM.

"No blankets, then" you say casually. "Now c'mon. Rime said we have to leave at 7:30 and I wanna get a little more sleep before then."

..... He slept in bed with you. Had a wet dream. Took care of it in the shower. Humiliated himself. And now he's gonna get back into bed with you and pretend nothing happened?

Well what else is he supposed to do?

"G-gimme a second. I need pants..."

He goes to his bag and unzips it, hunting blindly for boxers and sweatpants.

It's 3:11 AM.

The bed creaks. His eyes have adjusted to the dark a little better. He sees you there, snuggling back into the pillow. Facing him.

He thinks.

It's 3:12 AM.

He's about to drop his towel when he glances back at you over his shoulder. His eyes are mostly adjusted now. And he can see you're watching him. You seem,, almost amused. It makes his cheeks heat up. In a quick flourish he whips the towel off his waist and throws it in your face. You yelp a little in surprise and he laughs. "Turn around, perv."

The irony is not lost on him.

You laugh and turn around. His eyes instinctively dip down to your ass.

The irony is not lost on him.

He pulls on his boxers. Then crawls into bed beside you, laying on his back and facing the ceiling.

It's 3:13 AM.

"Hey, Sage?"

"Mm?"

"The shower is loud."

Oh thank g-

"But you're louder."

...

"Night night! :)"

...

It's 3:14 AM.

He lays stock still and holds his breath.

It's 3:15 AM.

He can barely even blink.

It's 3:38 AM.

The more he thinks about it, the more he stiffens up.

It's 3:40 AM.

The more he stiffens up.

It's 4:16 AM.

It's 5:06 AM.

It's 6:49 AM.

...fuck.

#fictif last legacy #last legacy #sage lesath x reader #sage lesath #fictif sage lesath #fictif sage #last legacy sage #anon asks #ozzy answers #ozzy daydreams

[justaredheadf1fan]

High hopes in Monaco after the cancellation of Imola

Heya!

Well, I was originally planning on writing last week after the announcement of the GP in Imola being cancelled due to the floods going on in the Emilia Romagna region, but between my shitty shifts and exhaustion, I couldn't even think about it.

It was a sad thing, but it was the necessary decision. For once, the FIA was quick to decide what was best and also for once, they made the right choice. Just wish people in the area were all okay...

This weekend I'm watching it all after work, so yeah I'll be late once again. On another note, we started this race weekend with the news of Honda teamming up with Aston Martin starting 2026 and rumors about Yuki being a possibility to join Alonso. That would be funny tbh. Also, Mercedes FINALLY got rid of the "no sidepods" concept on the car. Really hope this levels things, at least a tiny bit (I'm expecting no miracles).

Anyway, onto the actual purpose of this post, so I'm starting at last.

Press conference - Thursday

First press round and not really anything interesting except for Yuki's take on the floodings in Italy. I'm here just waiting for the second round to start so that I can watch the chaos unfold 🤣

Chaotic Sharl is on and I'm here for it, "Hello, Lewis" sounded like the funniest shit in the world with that laughter of his. Seriously, I can't 😗 I do love those Lewis-Sharl interactions, they're so cute seriously and they'd make an insane duo, lots of fun stuff would be sent our way for sure.

Piarles clowning together about the football match a few days ago and how they just clashes into each other despite being in the same team. Really, boys? 🥲

Do people still think, given what we've seen this year so far and also last season, that Ferrari is a good choice for Lewis? I mean, yes Mercedes is not going through their best moments right now, but Ferrari? After so many disasters and making their own driver lose the chances of gaining a championship? I love Ferrari, but come on.

Free Practice 1 - Friday

Finally some movement in the streets of Monte Carlo and I'm actually thinking about all the new rumors that we might get after the race. I've been waiting for this weekend just for this 🤣

I know there have been a few Red Flags today so I'm just here waiting for them. I don't care how boring this track can get, I just love it and nothing's gonna change that. Ever.

Sid the Sloth is crying on the radio. What for? He has a fucking missile despite that much complaining and whining about it.

Not much else going on, pretty calm session for now. Apart from Sargeant having some kind of problem, nothing else to say. And I obviously spoke too soon, since Nico span a little bit too hard and fucked up his rear left tyre, causing a Yellow Flag that turned into a Red Flag. First of the day.

Sharl probably touched the wall or so, and right afterwards Albon crashed on his side, so the session was Red Flagged permanently now, with 3 minutes to go. Quiet one despite those problems, but not the worst news possible considering.

Free Practice 2 - Friday

SEB IS AT THE PADDOCK, I REPEAT, SEB IS AT THE PADDOCK 🥹 PLEASE SEB, COME BACK TO US, WE NEED YOU 😭

Besides different drivers trying out setting times and so on, there's been nothing going on. I do love that tunnel, though. That must be scary as fuck, honestly.

Aaaaand Carlos tries to goes as close to the wall as possible but crashes. Fantastic job causing another Red Flag. Quite a few drivers have gone very, very close but have managed to get out unscathed. I guess it's damn luck (on top of skill obviously, they're going over 200kph).

Commentators are talking about the future 2026 PUs and honestly, if the regulations for that year are as bad as the ones introduced in 2022, this will just get worse by then.

Maybe tomorrow something else will happen, especially during Quali, which I'll obviously watch late.

Free Practice 3 - Saturday

Well, I already know what happened in Quali today, but just gonna watch in order first so that I can finish this one post, I don't want extra tabs open on my browser right now, it's been a tough day at work 🤪

So Estie Bestie stopped in the middle of the tunnel (on the side anyway), but managed to get back to the pit lane, so at least nothing scary going on.

Wasn't Laurent Mekkies supposed to be in Alpha Tauri by now? Or did I miss something? I keep seeing him on the Ferrari pit wall 🤔

Honestly, nothing going on in FP3 so I was just watching memes on IG the whole time. Oh Jesus, and Lewis against the wall all of a sudden?! What the hell. That car being moved by the crane.... Was that really necessary, taking it so high!?

Red Flagged session so that means I'm gonna go watch Quali finally.

Peace out!

#f1 #formula 1 #mercedes amg f1 #scuderia ferrari #aston martin racing #haas f1 team #mclaren f1 racing #alfa romeo racing #alpine f1 team #scuderia alpha tauri #williams racing #sir lewis hamilton #george russell #charles leclerc #carlos saint jr #lance stroll #fernando alonso #kevin magnussen #nico hülkenberg #oscar piastri #lando norris #zhou guanyu #valtteri bottas #esteban ocon #pierre gasly #yuki tsunoda #nyck de vries #alex albon #logan sargeant #monaco gp 2023

[you-show-me-love]

Gallavich Kinktober 2022 Day 23 - handcuffs X “You deserve a reward for being so good today, what would you like it to be?”

For @gallavichthings and those joining Mickey's anti-work movement

Read on Ao3 or below the cut

"Why is Mickey handcuffed again?"

Lip eyed his brother in law sitting on the dryer, a tall boy in one hand while the other hand sat limp and tethered to the wall rack by a set of handcuffs. Ian sipped his coffee at the counter, EMT uniform on and lunchbox packed, ready to go.

"Mickey told me this morning that he was going to do something incredibly stupid-"

"Fuck you Gallagher!" Mickey shouted, causing Ian to raise his voice to be heard over him.

"And get himself thrown back in jail leaving me a prison widow after only six months of marriage!"

Lip pinched his nose, hiding his smile behind his fist. When he wasn't in Mickey's warpath he was a sucker for the drama his brother-in-law brought to the table.

"What were you trying to do?"

Mickey opened his mouth, but one look from his husband had him taking a drink from his tall boy instead of answering.

"I'll tell you on the way to work." Ian said, draining his coffee cup and grabbing his lunch box. He came to a stand just outside of Mickey's spread legs, arms crossed and face firm.

"Mickey-"

The man in question rolled his eyes. All he had done was casually mention getting a couple of his cousins together and raiding the Amazon warehouse before setting the whole thing on fire. It was Ian's fault really, trying to pull him out of his honeymoon early to get a fucking job. The whole interview had gone horribly leaving Mickey embarrassed and pissed off.

"Don't worry your pretty little head over it, Red. I'm just gonna be sitting here getting shit-face drunk."

He drained his can, burping and crushing the sides, tossing the crumpled can over his husband's shoulder. Lip grabbed him another can from the fridge, smirking all the while. Ian's jaw twitched, his eyes hard and unwavering against his husband's nonchalance until his brother's hand landed on his shoulder.

"You're going to be late if you keep this up." Lip reminded him and Ian gave Mickey one last look before stalking past his brother and out of the Gallagher home.

"Need me to find the key to those?" Lip asked, pointing to Mickey's cuffed hand. Mickey looked at it with interest before shrugging and opening his fresh beer with one hand.

"Nah, I can get myself out. Easy."

Lip let out a disbelieving snort before hurrying out the door to get his brother to work, debating between egging on his anger or trying to soothe things between the couple.

–

Mickey had weasled his way out of the handcuffs, downed another beer while watching tv, jerked off to porn on his phone, and eaten leftover lasagna before he called it a day well earned and went upstairs to take a nap. As he fell asleep he hoped his little threat on Amazon would keep Ian off his back about getting a job for at least a month.

–

When Lip dropped Ian off at home ten hours later his brother was looking a little worse for wear.

"I kept waiting for a call about a warehouse fire." He admitted, rubbing at his eyes as Lip laughed.

"I bet you Mickey is still handcuffed on top of the dryer." Lip said, trying to ease his brother's stressed state. Ian shook his head.

"He can get out of them. He's probably in bed."

–

And that's where Ian found his husband when he got home, in his cutoff shirt and boxers, sleeping the sleep of the innocent with no whiff of smoke on his hair or ash on his skin. Ian sighed in relief and shed his EMT jacket before crawling onto the bed on top of the covers and gently shaking Mickey awake. The man grumbled, face scrunching as he joined Ian in the land of the living.

"Is the Amazon warehouse still standing?" Ian asked with playful irritation.

"Yeah, man." Mickey's voice was rough with sleep, vulnerable in a way it wasn't usually. The beautiful blue eyes Ian loved to look into so much were still closed against the harsh overhead light. "Didn't leave the house today."

Ian smiled, though Mickey hadn't opened his eyes to see it yet, so he planted a kiss on the man's temple, hands already reaching to hold him close.

“You deserve a reward for being so good today, what would you like it to be?”

Mickey raised a brow, the corners of his lips rising when Ian raised his own brow in turn. He watched his husband's fingers skate over his sleep wrinkled clothes, the path of his fingers ran shorter, focusing on the hardening line of his dick.

"Anything?" Mickey clarified and Ian kissed him, slow and deep, leaving him dizzy and hard. He played thinking on the request for a second, making Ian wait.

"Fuck me on that asshole's desk in the Amazon warehouse." Mickey laughed as Ian tackled him, wrapping an arm around his neck and pinning him to the bed while his free hand tickled Mickey's sensitive sides. Ian let up after a moment, releasing Mickey and falling back on his side of the bed, waiting for Mickey's giggles to settle.

"That what you really want?" Ian asked, looking Mickey in the eye, loving the way they were still crinkled at the corners with amusement.

Mickey shook his head, already over the whole thing, not that he would admit that to Ian if it meant getting his reward, or stay at home husband status, taken away. He bit his lip, ready to ask for what he really wanted, but not sure if Ian would be up for it.

"You haven't fisted me since we got outta prison."

"Oh," Ian let out a noise of interest, hands returning to Mickey's body. "You mean I haven't fisted you as my husband?"

Mickey nodded as Ian's hand crawled up his shirt, pinching his nipple between this index and middle fingers.

"Poor baby. What kind of husband am I?"

"One that's hopefully about to fist me."

He pulled off Mickey's shirt, then his own as Mickey pulled off his boxers. He pulled off his work pants while Mickey wrapped himself in a towel and ventured off to the bathroom to clean himself out. Ian got ready too, grabbing the lube, a spare towel, and a couple of old pillows to put under Mickey's hips. When his husband returned to their room Ian tore his towel away and threw him on the bed the second Mickey had pulled the accordian door closed.

"I love you." Ian whispered before claiming Mickey's lips in a hungry kiss. They made out, hot and heavy, until their cocks were hard and hot, rubbing against each other, catching on dry skin and creases.

"I love you too." Mickey got to say after what felt like days later when Ian left his lips alone to flip him over and put him on his knees, tucking two flat pillows under his hips.

They started slow, one finger then two then three. Ian listened to his husband's moans, sighs, hisses, the hitches in his breath and when he let all the air escape him. He kept an eye on his stretching hole, the way his hips shifted, how stiff his cock was against the pillows supporting him. Twice he had to grip himself at the base to stave off an untouched orgasm. First just from hearing Mickey sob in ecstasy when he finally got his whole hand inside him, folding in to make a fist against his prostate and second when Mickey came untouched himself while Ian rubbed all his fingers against his inner walls. Only once Mickey was smiling and his tears were licked away did Ian enter his sensitive, stretched hole and take his own pleasure.

#gallavich #mickey milkovich #ian gallagher #shameless #ian x mickey #chaos writes #gallavich fanfic #ao3 #gallavich kinktober 2022

[malewifemaker]

Sorry but I wanna ramble cringely about Feathers and Minthara so here goes if I keep this in I'm gonna burst and toh the point of this blog is self ship nonsense anyway so-

I typically always make her give bird themed nicknames to others... like when I shipped her w/ Sniper, since she'd see him skinning things he's hunted often, she'd call him her shrike/butcher bird. Now I'm pairing her with Minthara I thought about it and I think she'd land on cuckoo. Which. Is an unfortunately named/associated bird for sure fjhdikfd.

I think Minthara gets heated thinking it’s some kinda weird insult/poking fun at first, especially because she doesn't want to be seen as mad or "cuckoo" like Orin or something. She thinks her actions are all well thought out, wtf is this giant bitch's problem. Which causes Feathers to autistically be like this:

"No no! It's no insult. Because, if you understand what a cuckoo actually IS, well... I think you have some qualities in kind with it. Cuckoos lay their eggs in the nests of other birds, yes? A cuckoo is... a bird, that shares the same plumage as a hawk, in order to alarm and disorientate the songbirds it has to outwit. It is a fox in lion's clothing. It lies in wait, it is cunning and calculated - not some blunt, twitchy instrument like a hawk. When it strikes, it is perfect in its movements, a precise, intelligent tool. And the results are devastating - the destruction of an entires summers work, or brood, in return for its own gain. Its methods may seem cruel to those who would judge its way of survival, but they are truly well thought out. It can swallow the most poisonous and heinous of caterpillars that no other birds shall touch, it is resourceful. And when the winter starts to come in, it is already gone before all the other birds - ahead of them, due to its own cunning and perception. It is a true survivor, and misjudged - rather like you, to me."

And Minthara is just like because wow yeah okay that is... Feathers really thought about that huh. And. It does fit! That giant sure really knows her, really does dote on her thinking of silly things like a perfect bird comparison... coming from Feathers, an avian themed pet name really does mean a lot, and Minthara knows her well enough to know that at this point. Minthara is flattered by it and she's like god fucking damn it that she is… how has she let her heart be as warmed as it is by it. The autistic ornithology charisma... the nickname "cuckoo"... no… really? Yea, really… shes let it capture her...

EMBARRASSING. She probably concedes that its a lovely sentiment but insists feathers only ever use it in private since the others at camp would definitely tease about it hehe. And overtime it grows even more on her, the way Feathers always says it when she enters her tent :3

I just love Feathers looking at this random murderous drow and there's a thought bubble over her head of a cuckoo and she goes all warm inside like "Mmm my little cuckoo :D" They are both truly such a funny wacky pairing I feel like. I could talk abt them all fuckin' day I s2g Good God.

#feathers #won’t tag minthy as to not annoy ppl tag searching #god I’m so obsessed with cuckoos I could go on and on and ON abt them #to the point it’s bled into my self ship lmfao

[theearly20sworkshop]

8/17 Entry 2 by C

I've been scared to write this entry for a while now.

My whole life I have felt misunderstood. If I had to write a book about my journey thus far, that would definitely be the title.

The last couple of months of my life has hit me like a ton of bricks. I have discovered I am a highly sensitive person, I have trusted my therapist, I have gone through a hard break-up, and I have been diagnosed with POTS.

POTS (Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome) is a blood circulation disorder. The symptoms of this can cause lightheadedness, dizziness, fatigue, intolerance to working out, not being able to think straight, headaches, etc. (the wonderful list of symptoms goes on!)

I had been to countless doctors. They had all said the same thing. "Well, your tests came back fine! It might just be a virus of some type." or "It might be dehydration. Drink some fluids and go easy on yourself". I always had the same reply. "Ok. Thanks." and walked out the door.

After getting my diagnosis, I was in the car with my mother. She turned to me and said, "I'm so sorry honey. I had never heard of this before until you brought it up." I think she thought I was going to cry. She was wrong. I turned around, looked at her in the eyes, and smiled from ear to ear. "Don't be sorry. I haven't heard of it either!". Then we decided to meet my family for lunch. We sat down, and had told my dad and siblings about my new diagnosis. My mom was telling them the things I needed to do to get better: drink a fuck ton of fluids every day, do leg exercises, more salt intake..."

"More salt?" My dad said. "Isn't that bad for you?"

You. Who was this you everyone was referring to?

"It's good for you to exercise 4 times a week. Join a gym or a soul-cycle class."

"It's good for you to eat more fruits and vegetables"

"It's good for you to go out on the weekends and hang out with your friends"

You you you you you you. But what about me? The me that is Casey. The me that just discovered that fruits and vegetables weren't gonan cut it- that sometimes if my blood pressure peaks too low I should literally be drowning my mouth in salt. The me that has to ease into working out carefully- because fast cardio movements can shock my body into lowering its blood pressure. The things that people have been telling me would be good for me- have been killing me slowly.

I have been ignoring my intuition my entire life. I had let other people tell me what was good for me. I had never listened to the voice in my head, after a 9 am intense work-out, telling me... this doesn't feel good for me. Am I too weak? Am I took lazy? What is wrong with me.

So here is the first honest thing I have written in a while. With no addition to anyone else's thoughts. Only mine.

-Me and griffin breaking up was a good thing. It has made me feel more hopeful for my future life. I could never imagine us having a family together. I could never imagine us being so happy and in love. I know that if we had gotten to the point of marriage, I would be one of those sad women standing at the end of the aisle... supposed to say I do... but in my head screaming that I don't.

-Sometimes the outside is too much for me to bear. I don't want to go to a crowded concert with the lights flashing and the music blaring. It doesn't scream fun to me. I can't connect to anything there.

-My version of meditation is sitting in the shower with all the lights off. It calms me down. I could sit there for hours. I feel so at peace.

-Religion is a hoax. Church sucks. I believe in a higher power. I don't believe in god.

-People need more empathy. It is the way to peace

-I hate those long nails people do. They're too inconvenient.

-I don't want a house in a suburb. I want a farm or an ocean home. I want to live there year-round. The animals or the ocean will calm me down.

I'm not sure if these are good points. I'm writing them in sand- and I decided when the wave comes to wash it away so I can re-write it. It feels free to write stuff that I feel in my insides inside. Insides inside. That's a weird way to put it. I like it.

[oro-e-diamanti]

The one with Ethan’s suggestion

Description | Ethan suggests something that you had never seen coming - but for how long will you be able to resist him?

Content | smut with a bit of fluff

Pairing | Ethan x fem!Reader

Word Count | 3138

Tagging | @ginny-lily @mywritingonlyfans

***

"You did not just ask me that."

Ethan didn't even seem bothered by your shocked reaction. Instead, he simply kept looking at you, waiting, as if he had posed a completely normal question. You were certain it wasn’t though - who the hell just came out and asked one of their best friends to start hooking up? Surely this wasn’t just you thinking this was more than odd. You couldn’t stop looking at him, relaxing on a lounger in the sun, book still open in his hand, and how he didn’t seem to care.

“Oh, come one, Y/n,” Vic interjected from where she was relaxing on a pool float. “Poor Ethan hasn’t been with anyone since the pandemic started. The least you can do is help him get laid.”

“Get laid by me?!”

“Who else?” Victoria laughed. “It’s not like he can go out and pick up someone when we go on a promo tour in a week. We’re barely allowed to meet anyone as a safety measure.”

You shot her a pointed look and Victoria being your friend for the longest got it immediately.

“And no, I’m not gonna hook up with him. So it’s gotta be you.”

You couldn’t believe the conversation you were having. Had everyone simply gone crazy? Surely, Thomas wouldn’t be on their side in this, right? You watched as he lazily strolled towards your loungers, cigarette in hand.

“Thomas!” You shouted over at him. “Ethan wants me to hook up with him!”

“Fucking finally,” Thomas laughed as you stared back in horror. Was everyone in on this madness? “He’s been moping around for ages. About time he gets laid and relaxes.”

“See?” Ethan interjected. “Everyone thinks it’s a good idea.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea!”

“Fine,” Ethan shrugged. You hated how much he didn’t seem to care - how he had posed a question like that without an ounce of awkwardness and how your rejection didn’t seem to faze him in the least. You knew he was open about sex and sexuality, you’d been part of countless conversations among the band and had seen him pick up people at parties more than once, but this unnerved you. "If you change your mind, I'm available."

And with that Ethan went back to his book, Victoria went back to floating around the pool and Thomas went back to smoking his cigarette. But you weren't going to go back to anything, because whether you liked it or not, Ethan's suggestion would continue playing in your head for the unforeseeable future.

***

Three days. It had been three days since that fateful day at the pool and you could barely stand to look at Ethan. It wasn't because you were embarrassed - you all spoke about such things quite openly - nor were you angry at him having asked in the first place - if anything, it was flattering, a man such as Ethan considering you attractive in that way. It was more of a constant thought in your head whenever you were in the same room with him or he talked to you or you looked at him or he so much as popped into your mind. You kept lying awake at night, intrusive thoughts of Ethan towering over you clouding your brain. You didn't know what it was but you knew you didn't like it.

You were pulled out of your thoughts as Victoria approached you, taking a couple of tomatoes you had spread in front of you and started cutting them up. You had been in charge of making dinner most days, with one or the other coming to join you in your cooking endeavors sooner or later. Today it seemed to be Vic, who was giggling away beside you, quite obviously dying to tell you something.

"And what is up with you?" You asked, a smirk on your face. You were happy your friend seemed so giddy and it had you itching to know why.

"I have a date!" Victoria was never one to keep things like these to herself for long - whenever she was positively excited about something, the world simply had to know. "Her name's Paula, she's on holiday here and we're going to go out for wine."

"Just wine?"

"Well, I'm gonna say, don't expect me back here tonight." She couldn't stop herself from smirking and then breaking out in another round of laughter and you joined freely. Good for her.

"I miss dates," you mused. "Or maybe - I don't know. Maybe I just miss at least staying the night with someone."

"You really need to get laid, babe."

"Who needs to get laid?" Damiano had appeared without warning, sneaking up on the two of you and pinching both of your waists teasingly before hopping on the counter next to where you were working. A slice of tomato was stolen and ended up in his mouth before you could react, only hitting him in the arm when it was much too late.

"Y/n," Victoria answered nonchalantly. You stared at her in annoyance but she didn't even catch your eye.

"So does Ethan! You guys should fuck."

"Not you too," you groaned. All of this seemed like a bad joke. In fact, you were starting to wonder if this was all some weird plot your friends had to get you to sleep with Ethan. But why would they?

"Huh?" Damiano sounded surprised but you didn't put it past him to simply put on a good act.

"Ethan asked her to hook up the other day."

"No way!" Damiano exclaimed. "He actually, fina- I mean, he actually asked you that?"

"Yup, and she shot him down," Victoria explained. You were getting more annoyed by the second. Especially because it felt like your love life (or lack thereof?) was being discussed without you. Plus, you couldn't shake the feeling they knew something you didn't.

"Aw, poor Ethan. You know, you should really give him the chance. Make the most of the fact that you've both got the house to yourselves tonight." Damiano's eyebrow wiggle earned him a tomato slice to the face due to pure irritation on your side. He wasn't bothered, quickly shoving it into his mouth and happily munching away on it.

"Wait, what do you mean? Where are you going?"

You sounded much more panicked than necessary. So what if you were alone in the house with Ethan? You'd survive. Easily. You'd read a bit of your book, maybe watch a movie, go to bed. You didn't even have to spend time with him. Right?

"Going out with my girlfriend, she's in town for work. Not sure where Thomas is off to but he's already left" Damiano shrugged, finally hopping off the counter to hopefully stop being in the way. "So, if there's anything you want to do, do it tonight."

***

So this was it. You were alone with Ethan. No, this was nothing. So what if you were alone with him? Not like it was going to change anything at all.

You had said your goodbyes for the night to the two lovebirds, wishing Victoria the most possible fun on her little date, before pouring yourself a glass of wine and retreating to the patio. You had no idea where Ethan was and you didn't mind.

The sun was setting, the temperature was more than bearable and you had your book lying next to you. Eyes closed trying to enjoy the last rays of sunshine, your hand grasped the stem of the wine glass, and fuck that moth scared the living daylights out of you. And caused you to spill your wine all over your blouse. Red wine. Crap. One was supposed to wash those out immediately, right? Right? You realised you had no idea, as you sprinted towards the upstairs bathroom, already unbuttoning for fast removal.

You threw the door open, feet set to move towards the basin, when you realised you weren't alone in the room. It happened in slow motion, as much as you hated the cliché of it all.

Ethan's back was towards you, strong, hard muscles visible under an array of water droplets that were slowly, slowly making their way downwards, hypnotising you and keeping your gaze locked on them. Your eyes were still travelling lower and lower when he noticed your presence, turning around out of reflex, and you could not help but notice he was not wrapped in a towel, nowhere close, when your eyes fell on-

Oh.

Oh.

In a rare moment of clarity, you tore your gaze away, looking up at his face instead, just to find him eyeing up your cleavage. Your blouse was halfway undone, putting your white lace bra on full display. Then his eyes snapped away and looked into yours instead. For a second, it felt like the world was standing still. Your brain only worked for another moment before it decided to let your body - or potentially your heart? - take over.

You told yourself 'fuck it' - or maybe you said it out loud, judging by the sudden smirk appearing on Ethan's face - and reached for the man in front of you. He reciprocated without hesitation, pulling you in and meeting your mouth with his, as he walked you backward until you hit the wall. His body felt hot against yours, providing a stark contrast to the cold tiles pressing into you. His hands cradled your face softly, fingers stroking along your cheeks, while he kissed you, open-mouthed, in a way that left you breathless.

If you had ever had doubts that sex with Ethan would not be worth it, they had evaporated into thin air altogether.

His hands had started roaming your body, finally landing on the last buttons of your blouse. You had expected him to slowly open them up, but instead, he tore the fabric apart in one swift movement, buttons flying and hitting the ground with little clacking noises. You wrecked your mouth from him for a moment, staring at him in both surprise and awe.

"Spiacente," he murmured, although he didn't look all that sorry. "I couldn't help myself. I can get them sewn back-"

"Ethan, stop talking and start fucking me."

Your bold words took both of you by surprise but none of you minded, simply relieved that you were on the same page. His hands were now grasping tightly onto your thighs and, and without giving you a warning, he lifted you up, still pressed against the wall. Your legs wrapped around him instinctively and he took a step back, finding his strength and balance, and slowly carrying you into his bedroom.

You couldn't stop staring at him. Ethan's beauty was a sight to behold on any given day, but the way his lips looked kissed after just a short while and his eyes had that kind of shine to them that had never previously been directed at you, it felt like you were looking at something ethereal. Never mind the fact that you knew he was completely naked, not just the toned chest that was pressing into your torse, but everything else. Hell, you were sure you felt a certain something press into the back of your thigh quite shamelessly.

He dropped you on his bed, leaving you to bounce slightly on the mattress as you lied on your back. He looked like he was about to devour you and you just knew you'd bend to his every wish.

Without any further hesitation, Ethan moved onto the bed, immediately grabbing onto the shorts you were wearing and slowly pulling them down your legs. He held eye contact with you the whole time and you were convinced you had never seen anything sexier in your life. Your panties were the next piece to leave your body. Normally, this would be the point you got nervous about, crossing your legs, hiding behind hands, anything to protect what little of your modesty you had left, but this was different. Ethan took all shame away from you.

"Is this okay?" He asked, as he slowly crawled upwards, spreading your legs and leaving hot, wet kisses along your calves. As much as you appreciated him asking for consent, you almost had to laugh - at this point in time, you had lost all willpower to deny him anything. So, with a blissful smile on your face, you eagerly nodded at him, your hand reaching down and tangling itself into his hair. He groaned as you gave a little tug and the sound was more than enough to get you even wetter than you already were.

At least that was what you thought up until Ethan put his mouth on you. You had been expecting a bit more foreplay, maybe his fingers, but instead you felt his tongue lick along the length of you. Your moan loudly echoed through the room and you had never been so glad that Vic, Thomas and Damiano had deserted the two of you in the house.

Your grasp on his hair tightened as he started flicking your clit with the tip of his tongue. The fact that you could feel his hair tickling the inside of your thighs only seemed to make you more sensitive. Suddenly, one of his fingers entered you, quickly to be joined by a second. Your back arched off the bed in an involuntary reaction as your breathing became more and more laboured. You could hear- hell, you could feel him chuckle against you.

With a sharp tug, you pulled his head away from you.

"I'm not going to be able to take much more, Ethan," you confessed. He looked up at you with wide eyes, chin wet from going down on you and fingers still slowly moving in and out, and you momentarily forgot what you meant to say. "So if you wanna fuck me, I suggest you get a move on."

He didn't need to be told twice. You still sighed in disappointment when he actually removed his fingers from you but you were quickly distracted by him moving them to your mouth and slipping them in. You eagerly sucked on them, twirling your tongue around them, tasting your own arousal, and his composure was slipping with every second he looked at you. He quickly pulled his fingers from your mouth to crawl further up your body, his cock moving against your leg. He was so well endowed it would have almost been frightening if you hadn't been so turned on.

Ethan kissed you with a force that was unparalleled. There wasn't even a question about who was in control. As his fingers trailed from your neck down past your collarbones you both suddenly seemed to remember you were still wearing a bra. You made short work of the piece of fabric, carelessly throwing it across the room, and he thanked you by squeezing your soft flesh in the most delicious way. You repaid the favour by letting your hand wander to his cock and giving him a few strokes. He immediately let out the most sinful moan you had ever heard, head collapsing onto your cleavage.

"I don't think you need any more help from me down there," you giggled.

"With you lying under me like this, I sure don't."

Moving your legs around his waist once more, you slowly guided him into you, your walls swallowing him bit by bit, careful not to stretch you out too fast with his size. It felt like heaven on earth. You both moaned in pleasure as Ethan slowly started moving, making sure you were comfortable as he looked into your eyes, while you broke the eye contact time and time again, too overwhelmed to leave your eyes open every time he thrust into you. You kept grabbing onto what you could, the back of his head, his shoulders, his butt, as he increased his speed, hitting you in all the right places every single time.

You knew you weren't going to last long, not with him on and in and all around you, not with his fingers playing with your nipple, not with his lips clumsily attaching themselves to various places around your neck and shoulders, and as you felt his hand between your legs, softly circling your clit once again, you were gone. You came in waves of euphoria, unashamed of the volume of your moans and the strength with which you pulled on his hair. Your actions, combined with you clenching around him and a few more thrust, had him follow you moments later.

He carefully slipped out of you, never once letting go of you, and turning you onto your side with him so you were facing each other. Both of you were still breathing heavily, vision cloudy, but intertwined. You were convinced he had ruined you - there was no way anyone was ever going to live up to how he made you feel.

"So, did it live up to your expectation?" You couldn't help but giggle as you posed the question. "Getting laid again after such a long time?"

Ethan pushed a damp strand of hair from your face. You hadn't expected such softness.

"It wasn't actually about getting laid, you know."

"Huh?"

"It was about you."

"Okay, you've lost me now," you said, brows knitting as your hand searched for his, finger entangling the same way your legs were doing. "What are you talking about?"

"I... I've liked you for a while. And I tried so much, but you never even noticed."

Your mind replayed the last few weeks you had spent with the band in their summer house. Instances of Ethan bringing you food, cocktails, adjusting the shade to make sure you were in it, offering to put sunscreen on your back. Moments of him searching for your company, moving much closer than necessary in the heat, arms constantly touching when you were sitting next to each other. Jokes and teasing from the others, drunken remarks. You hadn't paid attention to any of it. You wondered how you could have been so blind to a man so wonderful.

"Wait, so instead of asking me out like a normal person, you suggested we hook up?" You couldn't keep the laughter in now. The situation was simply too ridiculous and you had not yet stopped riding on your high from the endorphins he had caused.

"It was Vic's idea." He buried his head into the sheets, but you could still see his cheeks turn an adorable shade of pink. "She knew I missed sex and she said you mentioned something similar so she thought this was the way into your..."

"Pants?"

"Heart, actually."

You snuggled closer, arms wrapping around him so that your noses were touching.

"Well, as embarrassing as it is, it somehow worked, didn't it?" You stroked over his head lovingly. "And I'm sure not letting you go any time soon."

#maneskin #maneskin imagine #ethan torchio imagine #ethan torchio x reader #ethan torchio fiction #ethan torchio x you #maneskin fiction #smut #my writings #ethan torchio