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starpirateee · 5 months

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I want to see the show

@lautski-week day 4 - Fireworks

Warnings: none / read on AO3 here

"They're running a fireworks display down at the docks!" Pete came running up to his friends, a flyer in his hand. They never did anything interesting enough in Hatchetfield, not enough to worth noting, anyway. So this was exciting.

Richie's eyes lit up. "When?"

"At the weekend! I might go, y'know? You guys coming with?"

"I'm down!"

"Me too!" Ruth grinned, grabbing the flyer when Pete offered it out. She and Richie looked it over together, committing the date, time and location to memory as best as they could.

While they were occupying themselves with that, Pete glanced over to Steph to see if she would be joining him. He swore she looked nervous, but he didn't want to find himself mistaken. She met his eye, and then immediately went to find the flyer with a rapid glance. He tried to get anything else off her, but it was as if any nervousness she did hold, she was hiding.

That wasn't brought up again until they were all walking home. Pete deliberately hung back and eventually managed to get Steph to do the same. "So... Are you gonna be there?"

"I dunno, Pete..."

"This about your dad?"

"No, it's just-" She glanced ahead, to see whether Ruth and Richie were paying attention. When she found out they weren't, she sighed. "I don't do too well with... y'know, loud noises and stuff..."

For a moment, Pete tried to recall what music he remembered Steph listening to. She tended to prefer the kind with guitar heavy backgrounds, didn't she? And there'd been more than one occasion where he thought he could hear what she was listening to through her headphones. "Really?"

As if she'd read his mind, she added, "yeah, most people don't really think about it, cos I like rock, but y'know, I can manage that. It's different with music."

He nodded as if he understood. In a way, he sort of did. Having control over something always felt better than not being able to manage it and feeling overwhelmed when it happened. On one hand, he really wanted Steph to be there, and he wanted it to be all of them, but on the other hand, the last thing he wanted was to make her uncomfortable in any capacity. And that had to include taking into account the fact that she couldn't deal with loud environments.

"I know it's weird, it's a weird mix."

"No, no I know what you mean. You don't actually have the music loud if you don't feel like it, but fireworks come in one volume and... That's kinda it."

She hummed, almost apologetic. Pete wanted to reassure her that she had nothing to apologise for. "I guess it'd be fine if we were further away, but the docks isn't exactly a large place, and I don't think I'd be able to get back far enough..."

"It's okay-"

"I wanna go, Pete, I do! I like hanging out with you guys."

Suddenly, Pete had an idea. He smiled slightly, and reached for her hand. "If we can make it work, would you come?"

"If you can make it work?"

"Just trust me!"

Steph was the first to leave the group on the way back home. Pete caught up with Ruth and Richie, going over his idea in his head to make sure it didn't sound like complete bullshit when he said it out loud. She liked hanging out with them... So, he had to make an effort to make it worth it. If she wanted to hang out with them, they could totally make this work!

"Hey, guys, can I ask you something?"

Ruth slowed her pace, and glanced up at Pete. She could see that his mind was starting to race, and before he started going too fast, she nodded, wanting to let him get his ideas out. "Okay.. Sure, what d'you wanna ask?"

"I dunno whether I should be telling you guys this, it's not really my business, but it's about Steph. She wants to come at the weekend, but she's not really good at dealing with loud spaces, if you know what I mean... So, I was wondering, could we get somewhere we could still see the docks from, so she could still come and we could still see the fireworks?"

He fully rejoined their little gathering. Richie looked a little surprised at the news, but he was thinking about it too, if not to try and figure out a place where both of those things could happen at the same time. It was very obvious that Pete liked Steph, and maybe it was the other way around too. He knew that he was certainly warming up to her, she was really nice when she wasn't hanging around the other cool kids...

"So, somewhere high up, where we could still see the docks, but maybe far enough that we can't hear them so well?"

"Exactly!"

"You're really thoughtful, you know that? That's real sweet..." He smiled over at Pete, who rubbed the back of his hand and smiled back. "We can probably make that work, though, in any case."

They bounced ideas off each other for a while, crossing off places because they were too far away or the view wasn't good enough. Eventually, Pete realised something that he should've realised a long time ago. "I don't know what I've been thinking, I literally live in an apartment block about a quarter mile from the docks."

"Your brother would let us use his apartment?"

"I mean, maybe not? But we could go sit on the roof. I've got a speaker, we could make a little show of it!"

"I like it! I can bring blankets, if you want!" Ruth offered eagerly. Her backpack was too large at the best of times, there was definitely a chance that she could squeeze a blanket in there if she wanted.

"Blankets, huh?" Pete raised an eyebrow, but he was still smiling. "And Richie, you live close enough to the store... Could you do us a snack run on your way?"

"Sure!"

So, it was decided. As soon as Pete got home, he called Steph and updated her on everything the three of them had laid out in the course of their journey home. She had to pretend to be totally chill about it, but on the inside, her heart was doing somersalts. She couldn't believe that Pete would consider doing something like that just so she could hang out with them too.

"You really don't have to, y'know," she'd insisted, but Pete was having none of it.

"I know, but we all want you here, and besides, it might be fun!" he'd answered, and she'd felt a little warmer at that.

The weekend rolled around. Ruth arrived at Pete's first, and he had completely lost track of the days, fully unaware that the fireworks display was tonight.

"Pete... door." Ted's knock on his bedroom door came hard as usual, and yet Pete was still startled by it every time he did it. This time was no exception.

"Huh?"

"One of your friends, the one with the braces. She said somethin' about fireworks?"

"Oh shit. That's today?"

"Y'mean the one own the docks? Didn't know you were going..."

"I'm... Not. Not really. Long story." Pete rushed out of his room and towards the front door, where Ruth was indeed waiting, just inside. So, Ted did have the liberty to let her in, then... To him, it didn't look like she'd brought the blankets as she'd said, and he considered the version of this where the two of them dragged his off his bed and up the stairs to the roof. "Uh, where's the-"

Ruth took off her backpack and unzipped the main compartment. Inside, rolled to an incredibly neat size and packed close together were not one but two blankets. Pete's eyes widened involuntarily.

"Jesus Christ, how did you do that?"

"Took everything else outta my bag and let my mom help me roll them. She's real good at stuff like that."

"They're perfect. Thanks so much! We can wait around in my room till everyone else shows up."

Ruth was first through the door. On his way in, Pete leaned out towards the kitchen and shouted, "Are you going to the fireworks?"

"Some guy at work invited us, yeah... We might be out a while, I think he's looking to get his drink on." Ted answered. "Why's yours a long story?"

"We're gonna watch them from here? On the roof."

He could almost literally hear Ted thinking that one over. It almost took him way too long to figure out that they could actually do that and make it work, too.

Just then, there was another knock at the door. Pete scrambled to get it this time, because if Ted opened the door to Steph, he'd probably refuse to believe she was even standing there waiting for Pete. As it happened, it was her. Ted was clearly in the background, trying not to make himself look like he was startled at who he saw when Pete opened the door. If he wasn't startled then, he certainly was when Pete pulled the girl into a hug that she returned.

"I still can't believe you've put this together for me," Steph couldn't help the grin spread on her face. As she and Pete parted, she glanced over his shoulder and saw his brother staring. She subtly motioned this to Pete, who turned around quickly and flushed bright red.

"Jesus CHRIST, TED!"

Ted just laughed. Mainly, that was an attempt at staving off the fact that his nerdy little brother just hugged a girl who looked that cool. God damn, were they- had Pete really scored himself a girlfriend without telling?

Pete showed Steph to his room. "Richie text a few minutes ago. He's gonna be a bit late, but we're still gonna be able to catch the fireworks. I told him half an hour earlier than I should've... He's always running late."

Steph chuckled, considering taking a seat on Pete's bedroom floor. He'd taken the office chair, and Ruth had one corner of his bed. He motioned towards the bed, clearly seeing what she was about to do, and she took a seat on the end. While the three of them were chatting, idly winding away the time, he stood up on the chair and pulled what looked like an old radio from a cardboard box on top of his shelves.

"That's your speaker?" Ruth asked in awe. "That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!"

"It was an arcade prize years ago... Couple thousand tickets at Pizza Pete's, y'know how it is." He set the thing on the desk and turned it on to see if it still worked. It crackled, seemingly uncertainly, and then a light appeared on the top beside the buttons. He smiled. "God, it really won't give in, will it?"

Richie arrived within ten minutes, his bag overflowing with various snacks. That's why they'd assigned him to the snack run, he always knew how to pack the best ones... The three of them met him in the hallway, carting their various items. Ruth and Steph each had a blanket bundled under their arms, and Pete had his speaker, having made sure it was at least a little bit charged before they went. He absently yelled a goodbye towards Ted, and then led the way up the staircase towards the roof.

"He's a strange one, your brother, isn't he?" Steph commented, shooting a look towards the door as they walked away.

"I never told him I was seeing you, I think we gave him the shock of a lifetime." Pete laughed.

"You didn't tell him?"

"I haven't had the chance yet, he's been busy! Well, he definitely knows now, and if he's not too hungover tomorrow, I'm definitely gonna get asked about it."

"I still can't believe you two are official!" Ruth sighed wistfully. "Like, that's so cool!"

Neither could he. This was the best thing to ever happen to him, and he felt luckier every day to be by her side. cos she was a friend too, it was always more than a date to him. She was someone to laugh to, someone to share obscenely large buckets of popcorn with during shitty movies, someone to text at stupid hours because he was drunk and lovesick.

Well, not drunk. It was one night... And he'd only drank in the first place because he'd met people on a day out looking at colleges and they'd suggested getting to know each other over drinks. But he did end up texting her, regardless of how it was he'd ended up like that.

"You wouldn't think it was cool if I was drunk texting you at 2:30 in the morning." He muttered.

"You didn't..."

"He did. Bunch of nerds from Michigan let him come drinking with them, then he got to the hotel room and I got... it all." Steph managed a laugh. She still had the texts, though she didn't think Pete knew that. They were sweet to her, and he'd been so sincere in every word he'd written.

"You didn't get the hangover the next morning..." He defended as he pushed open the door to the roof and led the group outside.

The roof wasn't really a huge space, not compared to the inside. There was a little square of concrete that Steph presumed only covered the central staircase. In fact, the rest of the roof was just below them, but it was a fair jump down, and she didn't suspect there'd be a way back up that wasn't through someone's window. But, they really could make do with this.

She and Ruth set out the blankets, and the four of them took a seat in a direction that roughly faced the docks. She could see the lake from here, so they were definitely looking in the right direction. Really, this was a nice spot, and really was everything Pete had detailed to her on the phone. She wished she wasn't already grinning like an idiot so she could really show her appreciation for him.

He worked on connecting the speaker, and the first firework shot into the sky, exploding in a flash of red light. It wasn't long before music filled the space between the four of them, and she realised that she could barely hear the fireworks at all. "This is... It's perfect." She leaned back, letting her hands plunge into the soft fibres of the blanket underneath her. Pete grinned, reaching out for her hand.

"Glad we could help," Richie hummed, digging into his backpack for a little bag of popcorn. "He did mean it, y'know, we want you to hang out as much as possible. Not just cos it makes us look cooler-"

She laughed. "But you think it does?"

"Oh, without a doubt. You're the coolest part of any of this."

#lautski week #stephanie lauter #peter spankoffski #starkid #void offering #i am living to project audiosensitivity onto steph #its what im here for

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002yb · 1 year

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Okay, so this is a little dark. Dick and co from an alternate universe kidnap Jason because their Jason died but didn't return so maybe during a crisis they somehow ended up in our world or maybe they're the crisis and AU!Dick sees Jason and together with his AU! team/family manages to kidnap him. It's your choice if you want to write it. As always though, thank you very much for sharing your writing and these prompts!

Hey there~ sorry for the wait on this. Going to write some casual thoughts on this; hope you don't mind! TW for darker content further down!!

When I read this my thoughts went to an Earth 3 AU's Talon!Dick searching universe after universe for Jason. His Jason, specifically, because his dearest brother would have disappeared and Talon!Dick is determined to find him and bring him home.

It's not uncommon for Jason to run from the family. Talon!Dick has always liked their games of chase though. There's something thrilling about hunting Jason. It gives Dick a rush that he hasn't felt since his days at the circus. Nothing beats having his little wing kept close to him though, so the fun never lasts long.

This time would be different though. No matter what Talon!Dick does, he wouldn't be able to find his Jason and it would be distressing. Talon!Dick has a thing about family and Jason is his, so for Jason to be truly lost would make Talon!Dick lose it.

(This universe's Dick and Jason wouldn't have a healthy relationship. It'd be cool to leave it up to interpretation on if it was welcome and consensual or if it was entirely one-sided and miserable; either way, it would be a twisted, sordid sort of love affair; very possessive, incredibly intense).

(Further background note, Dick's feelings are very much genuine. Maybe they're confused, but I feel even if it were dark his affections would be very real. The way he expresses such would be messed up, but the love he feels for Jason would possibly be the realest, most stable thing in his life).

Anyways, Talon!Dick would have lost Jason. And maybe there would be signs of foul play: a kidnapping, a murder. Or perhaps, more devastating for Talon!Dick, signs that Jason ran and made it so no one would ever have him again. If it's the latter, Talon!Dick wouldn't be able to process that reality. So he'd be convinced Jason is just throwing a fit and ran or that someone took him and staged a scene to throw Dick off.

Which would put Talon!Dick on a warpath with tracking down his little wing.

Only his universe turns up nothing, so he moves on to the next. And the next. Again and again. With each universe he looks into though, it never fails that Jason is dead or that he never existed at all.

It'd be a slow, painful descent into madness as denial overwhelms him. Talon!Dick would flip between rage and impatience, desperation and devastation as reality sinks in that Jason might be truly lost to him.

But right at his lowest he would find main!Jason. And Talon!Dick would obsess. It wouldn't matter to him how, be it by dragging Jason kicking and screaming like he has in the past, or through burning an entire world to ash and cinders, Talon!Dick will bring Jason home. He's been away far too long and Talon!Dick would refuse to be without him for any longer.

Grief, denial, and an unhealthy obsession would make for a fierce foe for the main!bats. Talon!Dick would have nothing to lose (because in some repressed part of his mind and heart he knows; he knows that his little wing is gone, but a replacement will settle the crippling heartbreak, surely; he doesn't want to be alone again).

Whether Talon!Dick succeeds or not is also open to interpretation.

Anyhoo, that's what I got! Thank you so much for this, though I'm sorry I didn't write a proper something. This was fun to brainstorm though. As much as I like darker content and themes, I don't write it nearly enough lol. ˉ̞̭(′͈∨‵͈♡)˄̻ ̊

#jaydick #dickjay #dark!dick grayson

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sesamestreep · 2 years

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Don/Sloan for 13, "nudging the other one"

Don wakes to the sensation of an elbow jabbing into his ribs, and startles upright in his seat, panicked. When he fully takes in his surroundings, though, he sees a flight attendant a few rows away serving a drink, and a few passengers milling around, but nothing actually seems to be amiss.

"Sloan?" He asks, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she says from her spot next to him, but she looks sheepish.

"You just elbowed me hard enough to bruise, so something must have happened."

"It was a gentle nudge at best," Sloan says with an eye roll. "Don't be dramatic."

"And did you have a reason for ‘nudging’ me?" He asks, with a pointed use of air quotes. "Or did you just miss me in the fifteen minutes I was sleeping?"

"Definitely the latter," she replies sweetly. When Don gives her an unimpressed look, she sighs and asks, "Remember when I said it was fine if you slept on the plane?"

"Uh-huh..."

"Even though I can never sleep on planes?"

"Yeah..."

"And you asked if I was really sure it wouldn't bother me? And I said yes?"

"It's bothering you now, isn't it?" Don asks.

Sloan has the decency to look apologetic. "I didn't think it would," she says, chewing her bottom lip in dismay. "But as soon as you fell asleep, I started to resent you for it."

Don's breath catches on a laugh, and he reaches over to grab her hand and twine their fingers together. "Okay," he says. "No sleep 'til Santorini, then."

"You're sure you don't mind?" Sloan asks, still looking nervous. They haven't traveled together a lot in their relationship, other than a few quick weekend trips when their schedules mercifully aligned, so they're both still nervous about the etiquette of it all. The stakes of this trip are also obviously higher, so Don understands her hesitance.

"It's fine," he replies. "I promise. But if you ever elbow me that hard again, it better be because we're going down, Oceanic Flight 815-style, okay?"

"First of all, there's no way it hurt that bad," she retorts. "And more importantly, you and I would kick ass on that fucked up island."

"Oh, yeah? Whose stock portfolio are you going to manage there, Shawshank?"

Sloan shakes her head, like she can't believe how stupid he is. "You and I would be down in that hatch, typing in those numbers, keeping everyone alive, Don."

"I would die immediately and you know it. I fare very badly in direct sunlight."

"Hey, give yourself some credit! You're way more outdoorsy than Elliot."

"Oh, good," he says, sarcastically. "The whole newsroom is involved in this plane crash now."

"Obviously."

Don shrugs. He probably shouldn't speculate about how his co-workers and friends would fare in a plane crash on a mysterious island--while flying, no less-- but since Sloan won't let him sleep, this seems as good a way to pass the time as any. "I just feel like it'd be Neal in the hatch, you know?" he says, after giving it some thought. "He gives me Desmond vibes."

"He's always felt more like a Hurley type to me," Sloan says. "Still, he'd survive because he's a fan favorite."

"And he's been on the run before. He's tough now. Grizzled, even."

Sloan smiles, probably at the idea of anyone describing Neal Sampat as grizzled. He carried a spider out of the newsroom in a Dixie cup last week. "For sure,’ she says. “And Mac would obviously run everything. Just the whole damn island."

"Is she Jack or Kate in this situation?"

"She's both. "

"So who is Will? "

"He's obviously Locke. Come on, Don!"

"So in your version, Jack and Kate are the same person and they're married to Locke?” he asks, and she just nods like this somehow makes perfect sense. “Okay, fine. I can accept that. The more important question is: who are we in this scenario?"

"I think you're being too literal about this," Sloan says, pityingly. "But obviously we are the best couple on the island: Sun and Jin."

"Oh, of course," Don says, immediately mollified. "As long as we're not the jewel thieves who get buried alive, I'm happy."

Sloan scoffs. "You and I would be much better criminals than them."

"We did kind of pull off a Bonnie and Clyde act today, didn't we?"

To his surprise, Sloan's expression darkens at that. "I don't know if I'd go that far," she says.

He runs his thumb over her knuckles. "Don't tell me you're having second thoughts already," he says, quietly.

"Not about that," Sloan replies. "I don't have any regrets, I promise. I'm just worried that Mac will never forgive us."

"Hey, she got married at city hall too!"

"Yeah, but that wasn’t exactly by choice," Sloan says. "And she and Will did eventually have that huge reception, remember?"

Oh, Don remembers. In fact, he breaks out in a sweat just thinking about it. Mac and Will's wedding reception had been a lot of fun when they finally got around to it, after the jail stint and mourning Charlie properly and having a baby and all that, but planning it had nearly killed them, and by extension Sloan, who helped out with everything by virtue of being Mac's de facto maid of honor. Mac's cabal of idiot sisters and cousins would have fought her for the privilege, but none of them lived close enough to be of any real use when it came to the required event planning duties. By the end, Sloan would have gladly handed over the reins to any of them, because it turns out planning a wedding, especially a celebrity wedding for a new mother, is a handful.

"But I thought we agreed that's not what we wanted," he says, choosing his words and his tone carefully.

"It wasn't--it isn't!"

"Still,” Don says. “We haven't told anyone that we got married yet, so we could still do a big wedding if that's what you want. We just don't need to worry about the legal part, I guess."

"Don," Sloan says, sternly, as she clutches his hand even tighter. "I was the one who said that spending all that time and money on a wedding would be a waste. If I wanted that, I would have said so, because I trust you and I know you would have gone along with it to make me happy. But what I really wanted was to marry you, and I got that, so I'm happy. I promise."

He still remembers her coming home from a day of wedding planning with Mac and flopping onto his couch with an exasperated sigh. She'd recounted every annoying tiny decision they'd had to make that day, and how half of them had caused a fight between Mac and her mother, which always ended in tears for someone. Sloan had finished by telling him, very emphatically, when we get married, we're not doing any of this bullshit, before stomping off to his kitchen in search of some wine. Not if. When.

By that point, he'd already been thinking about it, so hearing her say it hadn’t been a shock. He loved her and said it--before they got off the phone, via text, whenever she made him laugh unexpectedly--often. They spent as much time together as possible and still complained they didn't see each other enough. Splitting time between their two apartments was just beginning to rankle, and he knew marriage was something she wanted someday and that she'd need to know it was on the table before she considered giving up any of her carefully maintained independence. Marriage itself had al ways mattered less to him--he figured he might do it some day, if he had a good reason, but it wasn't something he necessarily aspired to for its own sake. Now, though, with Sloan, he had a good reason. It would make her happy, and that's the beginning and the and of the list of reasons to do it. So, he'd started looking for a ring.

On that score, he thinks he did pretty well. Looking down at their joined hands, her engagement ring--a beautiful vintage piece with a deceptively simple oval cut ruby at the center, because he'd heard enough rants about the diamond trade and the insane mark ups on new jewelry to get a general sense of her taste--looks even better now that it's paired with her wedding band. He raises their hands so he can kiss the back of hers, and she offers him an amused smile in return.

"Mac will forgive us," he says. Every painful memory of planning her own wedding had, of course, immediately vanished when Mac had heard the news of their engagement, and they'd needed to be strategically vague with her about their plans in order to pull off an elopement without arousing her suspicions. "Just remind her of the save-the-date fiasco and she'll be on our side."

Sloan winces at the memory. "Good point," she says. "But she needs to be our first call from the hotel once we get there."

"I'm pretty sure your mother will actually disown you if she doesn't hear from you first."

"Yes, but my mom will keep me on the phone forever, and then I'll be too tired to call anyone else. So I should call Mac first, then my mother."

"Fine, but if your mom finds out you got married in the gossip columns before you tell her yourself--"

She makes a noise of frustration and throws her head back against the seat with a thump. "This is terrible," she says. "We should have just kept living in sin."

That surprises a laugh out of him. "These are the perils of being such a big celebrity, I'm afraid," he says, utterly unsympathetic. "All the libertarians who think they could change your mind on government spending if given half a chance are going to be heartbroken you're off the market, too."

"Now that is the one group of people I'd love to tell the good news."

"As if they'd let you get a word in edgewise."

"Good point," Sloan concedes. "Still, the first thing we do once we get to the hotel is call our families--including Mac. That cannot wait."

"Sloan, when we get to the hotel for our honeymoon, I can guarantee the last thing on my mind will be calling my family."

"Hey, if you'd rather your mother finds out from TMZ, that’s your prerogative."

"Have we considered having fewer people we love?" Don asks. "Because this is starting to feel excessive."

"Well, we now have a perfect way to insult anyone we'd like to get rid of," Sloan replies. "Maybe it won't make the news for a few days. That's always possible. Then we'd have more time to tell people on our own."

"I'm still partial to my suggestion of becoming more stingy with our affections now that we're married, but your idea could work too."

"And it gets you laid faster," she says, with a knowing look. "But it's not really up to us, is it? We'd have to get really lucky for it not to get leaked to the press somehow."

Don smiles at her. "Well, I don't know about you, but I'm feeling really lucky. "

Sloan smiles too as he leans in for a kiss. "Definitely," she says, against his lips. "Very lucky."

#tthey're being so obnoxiously in love on this plane someone is going to tip off TMZ immediately god bless #i'm so sorry that half of this is them talking about Lost?? i have no idea where that came from #but also...as an AU it would rule tbf #i only watched the first three seasons so like i have no idea if the references hold up #but this fic probably takes place like 2015 or 2016ish #so don and sloan have seen all of lost at this point #and i can tell you that sloan probably hated the finale #i get a very strong sense that she would be livid about it for whatever reason #(i have no feelings about the finale i've never seen it do not @ me)#i'm not like perfectly happy with this but i'm posting it anyway #firstelevens #ask #touch prompts #The newsroom #don keefer #sloan sabbith #otp: you get me

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karlajoyner · 4 years

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Stole My heart (Owen Patrick Joyner x Reader)

A/n: Hey guys so there’s this imagine let me know if I should make a part 2? Possibly a smut? I don’t know let me know! Also let me know if I should post these on wattpad too!!!

Warnings: None

————

"Owen seriously if someone catches us I'm gonna kill you"

"No ones gonna catch us. They're filming a scene" He mumbled leaving a trail of kisses down my neck.

"That's what you said last time"

"They didn't catch us" He said pushing my shirt down my shoulder.

"Yeah but they almost did- wait. Are you? Owen" I scolded pushing him away.

"What?" He asked innocently.

"What do you mean what? The makeup department will literally kill me if I show up with another hickey. Then their gonna interrogate me like they did last time since there are limited people I see daily" I groaned.

"They're not gonna kill you y/n. Relax"

"I can't relax. Now that we landed a season 2 the chances of us getting caught are much higher now. Plus my character has such a bigger part now" I spoke pacing back and forth in the dimly lit room. Julie's room set to be exact.

"I know. But you can't let that get to you now. You did amazing the first season and your gonna kill it this season. And if we get caught then oh well"

"Oh well? Oh well. Owen I already told you I don't want anyone to know about us until-"

"Until we're sure it's not gonna effect our worth ethic. I know" He muttered sitting down on the bed. I sighed realizing he was upset. It was never my intention to date my co-star. Let alone fall in love with him. But after spending countless of hours on set and off set with him there was no denying the chemistry. And what to everyone seemed like an amazing friendship was actually something more.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I wish things could be different but-"

"But this is your first big part. I get it" he said moving to sit me on his lap.

"I'll back off. We'll just have to keep sneaking around"

"Owen-"

"No harm. No foul. If this is what I have to do to be with you I'll do it" He said kissing the spot he had previously been sucking on.

"And I'd do it again" He whispered kissing my skin once more.

"And again" Another kiss.

"And again" He spoke finally meeting my lips. The kiss last longer than the ones shared previously. It was much more passionate on both ends. The risk of getting caught high.

"Owen" I giggled as he flipped us over on the bed.

"Yes?" He questioned as his fingers made their way up my shirt.

"Baby" I moaned as his hands cupped my left boob.

"Mmm" He muttered against my lips.

"We've got to get back on set soon. I have a scene with Jer" I panted pulling away.

"Don't do it"

"Owen" I warned.

"Fine" He groaned getting off me.

"But for the record if they did know we were dating I would not give my approval for the stupid kissing scene" He said kicking the ground like a little kid. Referring to the fact that my character became Reggies love interest this season.

"Be careful there babe the jealousy is peeking through. Just be lucky he's married and they cut it down from a whole make out scene" I teased checking myself in the full length mirror.

"Yeah yeah. God the unholy things I would've done to you in that bed" He whispered in my ear as his hands explored my body.

"Don't temp me Joyner" I said a smirk making it's way onto his face.

"I'm here!" I called running onto set.

"Finally! Where were you?" Charlie asked exasperatedly standing beside Kenny who was looking at script at hand.

"We don't have time to interrogate her Charlie we've got to get this scene filmed if we wanna stick to schedule. Y/n next time be on set 5 minutes before"

"Yes Kenny. Sorry I was um was distracted. Lost track of time" I said noticing Owen had walking onto set casually going to talk to Mads and Savannah.

"Okay so this scene your gonna walk in on cue to your mark. Find Luke sitting on the couch playing his guitar. Sentimental talk. Confess your undying love for Reggie. Then Jers gonna come in tell y/c/n he loves her too. But he can't be with her because he had this girlfriend back in 95 who he never officially broke up with. Then he says screw it. You kiss. End scene"

"Oh the kiss. That's this scene?" I asked finding Owen who was deeply in conversation.

"Yeah. Is there a problem?"

"No, no I'm ready" I said not expecting to have to do this in front of my secret boyfriend right now.

I sighed going to stand on my beginning mark. I watched as Charlie did the same.

The lights dimming in the studio to replicate nightfall.

"And action!" Kenny yelled.

I opened the barn like doors walking in slowly.

"Oh Luke. I didn't know you were here sorry I'll go-"

"No. No it's okay. I was just messing around. What's up?"

"I was looking for Reggie"

"Looking for Reggie? Oh he's with Alex and Willie. He should be back soon"

"Then I'll just go. Thanks I guess"

"Wait. Can I play you something?" Charlie questioned taking a hold of my wrist.

"Um sure. Why not?" I asked sitting down next to him. I listened as he began strumming his guitar to a familiar tune. A small smile forming on my lips.

"That was great Luke. Did you write that? Maybe about someone whose name rhymes with Judy" I spoke in a teasing matter.

"No. Actually Reggie wrote it. About someone who name rhymes with yours" He said a blush forming on my face.

"Okay. I get what your saying" I said playfully rolling my eyes.

"Good. I thought I'd have to follow up with home is where my horse is" He said making me giggle.

"How could I possibly tell a ghost who died 25 years ago that I'm completely head over heels for him?"

"Maybe the same way your telling a ghost who died 25 years ago right now" Charlie said jokingly bumping my shoulder.

"Right... I just- I don't want to get rejected by a ghost. It's one thing when they're alive but if the dead doesn't want me I think that's saying something"

"Y/n, Reggies in love with you. He'd be thrilled if you showed any romantic interest in him. At least more than you already do" He teased me once again.

"Thanks Luke. I just hope he doesn't freak out on me like last time"

"Last time?"

"Yeah last time I brought up relationships in a topic he got all weird and left. So I just never did it again"

"Oh. Look y/c/n back in 95 we had a decent following and a ton of girls following after us" A strange look forming on Charlie's face.

"Okayyy" I stretched out the word.

"And Reggie. You know him he uh well he's a fl-" Charlie words were cut off.

On cue Jeremy strolled into the studio set as Charlie and I sat facing each other stiffly.

I stifled a giggle knowing this would later be edited so it'd look like Jer flashed in out of nowhere.

"Y/c/n? Luke?"

"Oh Reggie. Hi" I stood up continuing the scene.

"Hey. What are you doing here? I thought you'd be home"

"I was. Julie invited me over for a bit and I thought I'd say hi before I uh left. I though maybe we could talk for a bit"

"Oh. Okay yeah" He slightly smiled before turning to the brunette beside me.

"And what are you still doing here?" Jeremy asked looking at Charlie.

"Hey, I was just leaving man. She's all yours" Charlie smirked at us before walking off set.

Jer and I paused until his footsteps could no longer be heard before continuing.

"So um what did you want to talk about?"

"Just um stuff" I said standing still in my spot.

"What stuff?" He asked coming to stand in front of me.

"Luke. He played me your song" I said picking up the piece of paper with chicken scratch from the coffe table.

"Lifer Girl?" I finally read the title before looking up into his brown eyes.

"Uh yeah. I'm still working on the name. Did you like it?"

"I loved it. This lifer girl. She's one lucky girl. Do I know her?"

"Of course you do. Your practically the same person" he said a piece of my hair falling to the front of my face. I nervously played with my fingers as he pushed the strand behind my ears.

"Oh. Can you tell me about her?"

"Well she's funny and makes me feel happy when I'm around her. She's really smart and her grades skyrocket compared to what mine use to be. And she's beautiful, drop dead gorgeous" He whispered tilting my head up with his fingers.

For a moment I looked up into his brown eyes wishing. Longing for them to be someone else's. I felt his finger leave my chin before he turned away dramatically.

"I shouldn't"

"Shouldn't?" I asked curiously.

"I can't"

"Can't? Why not?" I questioned once more.

"Y/c/n there's something I need to tell you"

"What is it Reg?"

"Back in 1995 you know before we died. I uh-"

"You what?" I asked urging him to continue.

"I had a girlfriend and well then we died. So we never officially broke up" Jer said.

"Oh" I mumbled backing away from him.

"I get it"

"No wait y/c/-"

"No Reggie it's okay. Your still in love with her. Of course you are. God how could I be so stupid to think that you'd actually love me. Let alone like m-" My eyes widened as I felt him crash his lips into mine completely going off script. Which wasn't uncommon. But it was supposed to be a short kiss. There were lines that were missing.

Slowly I pretended to sink into the kiss. Pulling away after a couple of seconds amongst hearing the word.

"Cut!" Kenny yelled Jeremy finally letting me go.

"That was amazing! Spectacular! Great improve Jer! We're done with this scene!" He called out to us. But all I could focus on was the look plastered on Owens face. He was hurt. But not because of the kiss. But because of the fact that he couldn't do that. Not out in public anyways.

"Yeah great going Jer" I commented to the boy in front of me.

"Thanks y/n. You did great too" He said getting near me.

"But if I were you I'd go talk to your boyfriend before he bursts" He whispered in my ear leaving me wide eyed.

"H-how'd you?"

"Know? Please everyone knows. I mean you guys aren't great at hiding things. There's actually a poll between Kenny and Charlie. Whichever one of you slips up firsts. My bets on Owen" He chuckled.

"Seriously?" I asked.

"Seriously"

“Who was the first one to know"

"Sonya in makeup. The first hickey you showed up with only matched with the timeframe that you and Owen had been together. Clearly not getting lunch like you had said you were"

"That long?" I asked.

"Yup" He spoke popping his p.

"Just don't tell anyone I told you. Carolynn insisted I put you out of your misery"

"Thanks. I think" He smiled at me before walking away.

A grin began to form on my face as I made my way toward the blonde who was leaning against a wall twirling one of his drumsticks in his left hand.

"Hey. Great scene back there" He commented as I now stood in front of him.

"Thanks. You know Jers a good kisser and all but I think your better" I spoke aloud noticing Savannah's and Madison's head whipping towards us.

"What?" He asked making sure he heard right.

"You heard me Joyner" I spoke giggling at his shocked reaction.

"Now shut up and kiss me would you?" He tilted his head to be extra sure. Something I adored about him.

He always wanted to make sure I was certain about these things. I simply nodded feeling his arms wrap around me bringing his lips to meet mine.

I smiled into the kiss as he turned us around pushing me up against the wall. I giggled upon hearing clapping around us from the cast and crew.

"Finally!" I heard Savannah shout.

"Keep it PG kids!" Kenny shouted laughter following.

"You owe me 20 Gillespie!" He yelled again followed by a groan by presumably Charlie. I finally pulled away first leaving Owen in shock.

"I'm gonna need you to come back to reality lover boy" I said rubbing my thumb against his cheek.

"What made you change your mind?" He asked keeping a tight hold on my waist.

"Let's just say you have Carolynn to thank for that. Apparently everyone knew"

"What? How?"

"I guess we weren't as good at keeping a secret as we thought"

"How long?"

"First hickey"

“That long?"

"That's what I said" I laughed as he pressed a kiss to my forehead.

"You two are so cute"

"Thanks Mads" I smiled at the girl.

Finally able to wrap my arms around the boy who had stolen my heart without any warning.

#owen joyner #owen patrick joyner #julie and the phantoms #the other side of hollywood #Charlie Gillespie #Jeremy shada #alex jatp #reggie jatp #luke jatp #Luke Patterson #Julie Molina #Flynn JATP #Madison Reyes #jadah marie

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echo-three-one · 3 years

Text

Whatever It Takes : RELOADED

More safe house shenanigans as the gang looks for leads.

Table of Contents

Previous Chapter : My Damsel in Distress

Delayed Flight

John 'Soap' MacTavish

Task Force 141 - Disbanded

Safehouse 110197, Brazil

Soap haven't slept like this for quite a long time. He almost felt guilty that he's peacefully sleeping all while the world was in chaos.

Slowly got up after noticing that Alex and Ghost were still asleep beside him, they looked like they just slept and he didn't bother waking them up for breakfast. Another scan of the room indicated that everyone else is downstairs.

John quickly tiptoed across the room and swung the door open. On the other side of the door was France who looked focused while carrying two mugs of coffee.

"Oh! You're up!" she said in surprise as her coffee mugs wobbled. John's quick reflex immediately caught her hands and held them tight until it stabilized.

"I'm sorry I surprised you. Are you okay?" he asked worriedly, a smirk escaped his face as he noticed a faint blush from the female's cheek.

"Yeah. I brought you coffee since the hot water was almost out and you were still asleep." she stammered, not making eye contact to him. Soap looked curious, where was the woman that confidently rejected him yesterday?

"Aww. So you are concerned!" he mused, holding her hands tight, drawing the steaming coffee mug close to him.

"Not really. I just thought that you're the last one to drink some so the kettle would finally be empty. Don't get your hopes too high, MacTavish." she gently shoved him the mug and carefully stormed off. There she was, back on her guard.

"Well, thanks for the concern." He greeted as he stepped down the stairs while sipping his coffee and met with everyone in the living room.

"Aren't we supposed to do recon for Samantha?" He asked, addressing the leaders who were casually reading a newspaper.

"Negative." Jack said, not looking at the Scottish soldier.

"We still have fuel from Nikolai's plane but we can't waste in on suspicion alone. We have to get solid intel." Price added.

"So we're like chilling here. Doing nothing." He said.

"Not exactly nothing. Ghost might have a lead anytime soon. For now, why don't you run some errands. Maxine needs some things for us here." Price replied, eyes still focused on the paper.

"John?" Maxine peeked from the kitchen and both Price and Soap turned to her.

"I meant Price." she dismissed, making Soap turn away from embarrassment.

"Can I come with them instead of making a list?" she asked, Soap could see Roach behind her eyeing on the interaction.

"Sure. You've got three bodyguards with you. Just make sure you're always with at least one of them." he muttered. Beside him, Jack stood up and placed the paper on the table.

"All-righty then, I'll lead you to the town just this once. Next time out, you'll be on your own. It's quite a long walk. And you lad, dress less suspicious." he pointed to Soap's camo pants. Soap actually felt scared at Alex's former CO. His very being still intimidated the Scot.

"I'll be back in a minute." he mumbled and dashed upstairs while France walked by Maxine to the door.

"I know Price told us to wear civilian clothing but for some reason you still have the ability to stand out and raise suspicion." France announced as the small team of four exited the safe house en route to the nearby town.

"Is it the hair?" Soap quickly placed one of Price's bucket hats and flashed a grin at the two ladies behind him. "Happy now?" he asked.

"Aside from the fact that you're wearing a t-shirt too small for your size? Yep. When did you last buy clothes for yourself?" France replied sarcastically and asked. Maxine giggled as she walked beside her sister, something she started to accept and try to recall.

"You're just finding an excuse to look at me." He muttered as he dashed to catch up with Jack, who was peacefully enjoying the walk.

"I'm amazed as to how you two act like you're not soldiers right now. How do you do it?" Jack chuckled as he rolled his eyes to Soap's direction, trying not to laugh at the Scot. If he was being honest, the hat did him a worse job. It made his head look small and unproportional to his bulky build. He turned back to France and Maxine who were silently signaling him to keep quiet.

The road was quite long and Soap finally found a small puddle of water to look at how he looked. No wonder they were giggling. He looked like a teddy bear who had a small head.

He then shyly took off his hat and glanced back at the puddle. Maybe it was time for him to buy larger clothes.

"Yeah. Guess someone has to help me pick some clothes as well." he muttered, while France paced beside him and gave him an assuring smile.

"I could always help, John." she said cheerfully and their eyes met. John slowly felt the sincerity on her smile, his heart sped and he found himself inching his face closer to her.

"The town's almost there!" Alex yelled from the distance as the two broke their gazes toward each other and quickly caught up with the two.

Awkward silence. They walked together behind Jack and Maxine who were now discussing what Jack's interests were back in the day. Not that it mattered to John, as all his mind was thinking was this pretty lady walking beside him. He wanted to graze his hand against hers, just to feel her smooth touch, he wondered if she'd let him hold her.

But he insisted, France was more of a slow but steady kind of person. She pointed it out to him multiple times and if he really wanted them to work, he had to do it the old-fashioned way. Sure the kiss was sudden, but what they had back at the Gulag was something worth waiting for and kissing her anytime now would never feel the same as the first.

Jack and Maxine quickly split off toward the market while the two of them remained by the center of the plaza. John scratched his head as he stuttered to ask her where to go.

"So… um… where to?" He asked.

"Looks like they got some cool jackets over there! You think you look good on those?" She asked excitedly.

"What do you think?" He asked shyly.

"Hmmmm.. Maybe… I'm not quite sure." She replied. John expected the classic you'd-look-better-without-any joke but she's not that kind of girl, and he's digging it.

When they say time flies by when you're having fun, John resonated with the quote. They spent most of the time laughing over clothes whose designs didn't make much sense and ended up buying most of them. Despite all the things going on around the world, John felt normal when he's with her, something he hasn't felt in quite a while. He'd even imagined that they're actually boyfriend and girlfriend whenever people around look at them. He was happy. He could get used to this.

It was about lunch time when they returned to the Safe house, and the scenery inside was the most unexpected thing ever.

Price was sleeping by the couch, his whole head was covered by a newspaper which had "End' times" written as the headline. Ghost and Roach were fighting over a piece of broccoli on the table while Alex sat by the stairs, wearing a shirt with a huge whale printed on it, playing with a lighter, flicking it open then closing it back as he stared at the flames.

"So that's where Smokey went." Soap muttered.

"Smokey?" France asked.

"My lighter." Soap replied confidently.

"Really?"

"Yep." he said, popping the 'P' as he unloaded most of the supplies to the kitchen.

"What happened here?" Jack asked, taking off his jacket, completely regretting wearing it in a tropical country.

"Roach ate my broccoli!" Ghost complained.

"Ghost ate my pie!" Roach complained back as Jack sighed and placed a palm on his face.

"We had pie?" Soap asked, his eyes beamed at the table, only to be disappointed that there was none.

"Technically it's a tart and it's supposed to be for Maxine." Ghost smiled shyly eyeing at Maxine.

"Well, it didn't have her name on it so I assumed…" Ghost replied.

"You don't have to assume! You should've asked!" he yelled.

Soap was amazed at the spectrum of the team, which ranged from very righteous and courageous warriors to actual toddlers. It made him happy that he joined this little group he could call family.

Another day had passed and they still had no leads. But Ghost looked like he was onto something as Soap found him with Price as they discussed matters that sounded serious. He just hoped it was a lead. He's starting to worry about Alex who was constantly moping around. With nothing to work on, all he could focus on was Samantha.

"Guess you liked playing with that lighter so much." Soap leaned by the door, looking concerned at his comrade.

"Hey man. How was the market." Alex asked, his tone was nonchalant, almost lifeless.

"Well, it was busy. Jack led us there because you were asleep all morning…"

"Yeah. I couldn't go there. We shared so many memories in that town. I just can't handle it at the moment." He frowned and tossed him the lighter which Soap caught immediately.

"Thanks for this. And if you ever need someone to talk to… We're here for you, pal." Soap said awkwardly. The term pal was very American and he thought it'd be appropriate.

"Thanks, pal." Alex chuckled and stood up.

"Let's go get dinner." Alex added, his eyes were fueled with determination. And Soap was happy that he's taking small steps to recover.

Next Chapter : Lurking in the Shadows

Notification Squad my Beloved

@beemybee @smokeywhalee @enderio @samatedeansbroccoli @ricinbach @whimsywispsblog

#horRAYfic #whateverittakes #reloaded #ilysm #john soap mactavish #john price #gary roach sanderson #simon ghost riley #alex echo 3 1

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princessrai · 2 years

Text

𝔾𝕠𝕠𝕕𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘 & ℍ𝕒𝕡𝕡𝕪 𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕜𝕤𝕘𝕚𝕧𝕚𝕟𝕘

Thank you for letting be wake up this morning...

To continue on redeeming myself

To continue healing & letting go

A chance to love on myself more & allowing others that loves me, love me just for me. Even though times get rough & it feels like I'm not wanted anywhere, they still love me.

Thank you for allowing the ones I hurt, to forgive me. Giving them a chance to trust me again.

For being able to work and accomplish the goals I need to achieve to become more self-sufficient.

For allowing my children to be with people that I know has my best interests at heart & theirs and taking care of them during my absence to improve our life as a family. My family of 3.

Thank you for letting others watch my journey as I am still growing, going through this process of life, reveal that I do not have to do things that isn't me, to impress others, to make others like me, love me because I already have a gang of family that does. (I get it. Sometimes you want others outside your family to love you and have your network of friends but that will come (: )

I am thankful for my co-workers who has shown nothing but love and unconditional support. I know my flaws be showing but they look past that.

I an thankful for being able to start over. Completely.

I have to re-learn me. There's things I like, don't like, my pet peeves, what makes me happy, sad, angry, disappointed... I know those things.

I want to explore some more. A co-worker has told me that I never had a good cup of coffee. Like 'french-pressed' type of coffee. It stuck to me because I would think that I've experienced alot but I havent. I'm only 24. I would love to start there. I've never like black coffee. I have to put something in it like lots of sugar and almond milk, creamers..... but a nice hot cup of coffee? Just like I've never had a real date. Where it was intentional. It's a surprise. It leaves me with feelings of happiness & not doubts and wonders. Wondering if he feels the same about me.

I get scared of trying new things (: I thought I loved trying new things but I find myself listening to the same songs over and over, every day because I'm stuck in one time zone: pain & healing.

Honestly, I'm scared of being in the world, feeling alone. Not alone as in no family, or some nice friends, no place to live.... 'Alone' as in being “lonely” is an emotional state where you are feeling alone or disconnected from others – even when they're right next to you. Sometimes we are happy to be by ourselves, and sometimes we wish for the company of others.

Yeah, I feel like that all the time. It really us okay because I know I caused it. I know if I had been appreciative of the ones that were there for me forreal and not push them out before, it'd be different. "We don't want you here" really stuck to me. But I understand it. I really don't know do to let that one go because I had others run from me, kick me out, let me go easily... as if I didn't matter to them.

This isn't self pity. I want to stop beating myself up & being hard on myself.

But I do so I can so continue on being better. I am always hard on myself because the ones around me, is being very hard on me. I don't have the luxury to have a day off or to just relax so I find peace in working & whenever I do get a chance to lay down, I'm grateful for the little money I made & saved.

I have great goals and huge dreams 😊 but it's taking baby steps. It's not going to happen overnight. Time is very valuable to me & I am working on my patience.

I remember the time I lost my virginity. It felt like nothing. So everytime I had sex, I was doing it for the approval that he liked me back. That was never the case lol. Not one guy made me feel like I was the only one. That's what I wanted. To feel like the only one. I was forgetting that we're still young but I was the one that wanted to stick it out and become "lovers" andone day get married and say "we've been together for such and such years" 🤣 . I wanted what everyone around me was experiencing. But instead, I experienced the opposite.

So when I tell you, my relationship with God has grown & never stopped growing. My prayers never stopped, I meant it. I'll never neglect my lord and savior, and talk down on the one that has kept me up and kept me going and has forgiven me for my sins. He's been holding my hand and even when I let go, he watched over me. Making sure I don't take my life don't get taken away or that I don't take my own life because I have a purpose. He has someone for me. If I die, I'll never meet him. I'll never get to experience those happy things moments, feeling great and amazing because I am wanted and loved.

My future husband,

Whoever you are, wherever you are, I don't think I'll be perfect or finished healing when you meet me. I might have days where I'll cry about something in the past because it still hurts. When we're getting to know each other, I might be distant at first. It doesn't mean that I don't like you or that I am not interested in you. The whole dating thing, I do not know how to do it right. The things to say or how to show it. I'd want you to show me how you want to be loved and how to do it. I can't really tell. I can't identify those feelings so when you do come, hopefully I'll be able identify it maybe? I am a go with the flow type person. I'm not going to tell you that I like you or show it. 😏 I am very disconnected. I love people. I just have boundaries and a wall that protects me. My heart. I am extremely sensitive lol. But I truly hope you have the God in you because God knows me. Very well. Whatever he instills in you, I want you to listen to it and follow it. I trust him with all of my heart because he has never failed me. I will not continue to fail him. I hope you know that I am very sweet and lovable and all I want to do is feel good with the person that I am with and conquer the world together. I'd love to build a life and travel and create memorable feel good experiences. I've been depressed for a really long time. Everything will be new to me and I don't want to feel small for not knowing everything. I am trying. All of my intentions are good and I hope yours are too.

Meet you soon,

Amen.

#prayer #love hard #love #relationship #relatable #black love #black women #hurting #emotional pain

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moonstruckholland · 4 years

Text

Can We Go Back To Bed? (t.h)

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Word count: 2,497

Warnings: angst, fluff if you squint, flashbacks

A/N: this was supposed to come out a couple of months ago 😅 but here she is, the first one shot of my Cosmic Soul series! Shout out to @fangirlwithasweettooth and @hollandsamor for being amazing and reading this over for me! I really hope y'all like it 💕

Tom had never felt as far from you as he did lying next to you tonight.

Lying next to you was honestly a bit of an overstatement. With the way you were laying, there was enough space between you to fit a whole other person on the bed. You were curled up on your side, so close to the edge, Tom was worried with one wrong move you’d just roll onto the floor. He considered reaching out, moving next you, but for the first time since you started dating he was truly scared of being rejected, of the pain he knew he'd feel if you pulled away from him.

He wanted nothing more than to touch you, kiss you, anything. He just wanted to feel close to you. Instead he quietly got up, careful not to wake you as he made his way out the room, the whole night replaying in his head.

Everything was off from the moment he walked through the door.

“Princess? I'm home!"

Flowers in hand, he walked through the apartment, looking for you. He heard a door open and a soft, “Tom?” come from the bathroom as he set his luggage down in your bedroom.

“I’m here, baby.”

You poked your head out of the doorway, hair wet and matted, a towel wrapped around your body, “Tom! Hi!”

He had expected you to run up to him and jump into his arms, like you always did before.

Instead, you casually walked over, kissing his cheek as if he hadn't been gone for months, "You didn't tell me you were coming home!"

He hadn't thought much about in the moment, but now, he could tell something was just wrong.

He knew something would be different, that was the price that came with being gone for months at a time. But not with you.

You'd always been a constant for Tom, giving him a wonderful sense of security he lacked in his hectic life. He knew no matter he could count on coming home to your warm and loving embrace.

Or at least he did.

The rest of the night had been just as weird as when he came in. You had your normal movie marathon like you did every time Tom came home, but this time around that feeling that you were out of reach was in the back of Tom's head.

You were too far, barely touching him, and you sure as hell didn't say a word to him. The normal joking around was gone, replaced with silence despite the sounds of the movie surrounding the both of you.

You had asked him questions every once in a while, about his flight, if he was tired or hungry. If he hadn't been paying too much attention, he would've thought it was just you being your normal, caring self, but it was too polite, like he was just someone visiting.

He couldn't stop dwelling on it no matter how hard he tried and that's how he found himself walking around the apartment, coming to realize it just as different as you were.

It was all little things and maybe if he didn't feel the need to look so closely, he probably never would've noticed, but he couldn't help it now.

There were flowers everywhere, fake ones in pretty vases all around because the real ones made you sad when they inevitably died. Tom could almost picture how excited you must've been setting up each vase and how long it probably took you to decide where to put them because you were such a perfectionist.

The blankets and pillows on the couch were different too, cute little sayings stitched into each one, and Tom wondered when you'd gotten then. You used to always tell him when you got new things. When was the last time you'd mentioned going to Hobby Lobby or Target?

What stuck out to Tom the most were the pictures you had. Some of the old pictures of the two of you were replaced with people he'd never seen before, he assumed co-workers, though he couldn't recall you telling him about anyone in the photos with you.

He felt a pang of guilt. How much had he missed?

He finally came across a familiar picture, one Harrison had taken of the two of you when you weren't looking the day you moved into this apartment together. You and Tom were smiling goofily at each other, pulling out things from a box on the floor.

Tom couldn't help smiling as he thought back to that day, to how happy you were.

"Tommy, baby, you have to be careful carrying that box. It has all our plates and I don't think you're gonna want to eat off a napkin." You warned him as you watched him carry the heavy box on his own, despite you and Haz both offering to help.

"I'll be careful, princess, I promise," he said confidently before somehow tripping over his own feet and hitting the wall, the plates clattering loudly

Tom looked back to see you rolling your eyes as if you knew he would do exactly that. He quickly put the box down on the floor, finding the box cutter on the kitchen counter and opening it up to make sure he hadn't broken anything.

He let out a sigh of relief before yelling out, "They're all okay!"

You shook your head at him, but Tom could see a smile on your face as you tried not to laugh.

You approached him, mumbling something about putting the plates away before Tom could break them.

Harrison was behind you, carrying a box without any complications, "It's not too late for me to take him back, y/n."

"I might just take you up on that, Haz."

"Hey!" Tom pouted, "You don't mean that do you, baby?"

You wrapped your arms around him, standing up on your tippy toes to plant a big kiss on his cheek, "Never, honey, I don't know what I'd do without you."

He put a hand on your waist, pressing a kiss to your lips before saying, "Good thing you're stuck with me then."

You were about to say something when you were rudely off by Haz throwing a napkin at you, "Oi, you two, come help me unpack your things please."

You pulled away from Tom, your laughter filling the room as you went to help. Tom watched, a warmth filling him as he thought about how lucky he was to be living this with you.

'What happened?’ He wondered with a sigh, the fond memories fading, leaving him with an achy feeling in his chest as he plopped down on the couch.

The sound of the bedroom door opening startled him, pulling him out of thoughts completely.

“Baby?” You shuffled over to him sleepily, eyes squinting at the bright light, “What are you doing up so late?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

You nodded, taking a seat beside him, laying your head on the soft cushion.

“What’s wrong, Tommy?”

Tommy. It was a nickname he had grown to love over the years.

“My Tommy,” you’d always say, usually right caressing his face fondly or pressing your lips to his.

He hadn’t realized just how much he missed hearing it or how long it’d been since the last time it came from your lips.

He didn't answer your question, looking down at his fingers. What was he supposed to say? "Hey, babe, I feel like our relationship is falling apart and I was wondering if you felt the same?"

No, he absolutely couldn't say that, but he couldn't just not say anything at all.

You gently touched his face, grabbing his drifting attention once more, "Baby, talk me. What's going on?"

He debated with his thoughts for a moment longer, before finally deciding to work up the courage to speak what was on his mind.

"I miss you."

You gave him a little smile, "I'm right here, silly."

"Are you?"

One question and Tom started to wonder if he should've kept his mouth shut, the hurt and confusion that immediately came over your face causing his heart to ache more than he thought was possible.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Y/n, you're sitting right in front me and I still feel like you're a million miles away."

You were speechless, not expecting those words to come out of his mouth.

"I, um, I don't know what you mean," you stammered out quickly, clearly lying.

Of course you knew what he meant, how could you not? A feeling of remorse flooded your body, you knew you'd been a bit distant, but you didn't know it'd been this bad or noticable.

It'd been so long since you really got to talk to Tom, both of you swamped with work and social lives, your paths barely crossed anymore. Before you knew it, your once amazing relationship, full of great communication, had been reduced to superficial and empty conversations.

"You don't? So nothing feels different between us right now?"

"I don't know what to say, Tom," you sat up, as if to get a better look at him, but you didn't meet his eyes, "Yes, something's different. Did you expect everything to be exactly the way you left it months ago?"

"No, I just," he ran his fingers through his hair, and you could tell he was choosing his words carefully, "I wish you cared more."

'Fuck,' it was like being punched in the gut. Tom meant the absolute world to you and for him to think you didn't care? It broke your heart.

"I care, Tom," you practically whispered, your voice full of sadness.

He didn't say a word, nodding instead, as if he wasn't convinced.

You sat in silence, for what felt like forever, just staring at everywhere but each other before Tom finally said something.

"Do you remember when you, Haz, Z, and I would get super drunk and stay up all night playing Mario Kart?"

You smiled, for a second you could almost imagine the four of you sitting on the couch, yelling and laughing, having the time of your lives, "As if I could ever forget, even drunk I could kick all of your asses.”

"That’s because you would always cheat!"

"I would not!"

Tom jokingly rolled his eyes, and for a moment the tension was gone. You were back to normal, all of your fears and worries ceased to exist. It was like you’d gone back to a time where things were simpler.

The illusion came crashing down the second you softly and very sadly said, "I miss those days."

Tom almost wanted to agree with you, to continue to remicine the past with you and go back to the feeling of ease the two of you had just seconds ago. Instead he asked, "What are we going to do?"

You didn't meet his eyes, "I don't know."

“I think I should stop working for a while, take some time off.”

For a moment, a part of you considered what that would mean. Tom would be home more often, you could actually see him, spend time with him. That was the same part of you that wanted to beg him to stay every time he had to leave. It was begging you to encourage him, telling you it’d be the perfect opportunity to rekindle your relationship.

Another part of you knew better though. It’d be selfish to ask Tom to flush all his hard work down the drain for you. You weren’t worth his career.

“No, absolutely not,” letting the latter side fuel you, “Babe, you can’t just stop working.”

“Why not?”

"You've worked so hard, I’m not going to let you throw that away for me."

'I'm not worth it,' is what your mind was practically yelling at him. You truly believed you weren't. You were just one person, how could you compare to the years of work and effort he'd put into his career?

"Do you love me?"

The question almost caught you off guard, of course you loved him, a lack of love for the man standing in front of you was definitely not the problem.

"More than anything."

"Then, please, angel, let me do this."

Tom had a look in eyes, one full of determination and you knew he had already made up his mind, but you couldn't help feeling like you had to convince him otherwise.

"Acting is your dream, Tom."

“No, you and I,” he motioned between the two of you, tears starting to well up in his eyes, “together. That’s my dream.”

"I don't want to lose you."

"Hey," you grabbed his face gently, using your thumbs to caress his face soothingly, wiping his tears away, "I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm not ready, baby, I'm not,” he choked on a sob, heavy tears falling freely down his face now.

You didn't say anything, you just wrapped your arms around him, holding him tight against your chest. You hoped your actions spoke the words you wanted to speak, but didn’t know how. You loved Tom more than anything and seeing him hurting, seeing your relationship fail first hand was killing you.

You started crying as the full extent of the situation finally hit you. Your relationship was failing. It was failing and you didn’t know what to do or how to fix it.

You felt like you couldn't breathe, like there was something heavy, crushing you. You were glad to have Tom there, his presence the only comfort you had at the moment.

You weren’t sure how long you stayed like that in each other’s arms, your sobs eventually turning to soft cries before stopping all together, finally letting you catch your breath.

Tom untangled himself from you, his puffy eyes meeting yours, "Can we go back to bed?"

"Of course, Tommy."

You wiped the remaining tears off his face, then the ones on your own, before grabbing his hand and gently leading him back to your room, back to your bed, back to where he belonged.

You climbed in right after him, immediately settling into your designated spot in his arms, your back against his chest, his arms wrapped around your waist. It was almost normal.

Silence engulfed you immediately, leaving only the sound of your soft breaths and the loud rain outside.

There was so much you wanted to say, but you were scared. Everything was falling apart right in front of your eyes and the thought of admitting it terrified you. Almost as much as the thought of losing Tom all together.

But you knew that if you didn’t speak up now, there might not be another opportunity to. There might not be a relationship left to save.

So, you worked up the courage to lace your fingers through his, holding onto him tightly because in some ways your life did depend on it and you whispered, "I'm not ready to wake up either."

Tagging: @fangirlwithasweettooth @bravest-at-heart @constellatinq @hoe-forharry @devildisguiseasangel @ravenclawmarvel @hollandsamor @cosmicholland @fairytaleparker @hollandsosterfield @now-imagine @officiallyunofficialperson @stealth-spiderr @xxxxdelenaxxxx @its-the-aerieljeane @petersstarcadet @babebenhardy @antoouu @lovinnholland @kxrtwxgner @sleepybesson @brookeelee98 @awkwardfangirl2014 @nedthegay @petersmparker @parkeroffline @snjms02 @the-queen-procrastinator @tomhollandsumbrella @spideyosterfield @thollandx @styles-balor4eva @80sthottie @marvelobsessedteenager @marshyrebelcloud @sixwyrxstuff @tomshufflepuff @jillanaholland @itscaminow @howdyherron @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh @undiadeestos

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tardytothepardy · 3 years

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Fruits Basket - Vol 17

I am,,, confused. Thoroughly. Did I read this too fast? Am I misunderstanding? This book felt like a series of "What? Huh? What? Huh? What? Whuhh?? Huhhhhh?????" and I am kinda bewildered.

So let's talk about it,,, somehow.

It starts with Shigure and Hatori talking about Akito's meltdown at New Year's, and how apparently Shigure tried to comfort Akito, but Akito was having none of it. The topic of Kureno came up, and how he just seems off, disconnected, in a sense, and also how Akito seems to have chosen Kureno above all the other Juunishi.

Panning over to Kureno, in the previous book Momiji gave him the CD of the play, "Sorta Cinderella". He seemed pretty affected by the things that Uotani said, but they also reminded him of moments with Akito, when he was younger. He calls Shigure later, asking for Tohru, which Shigure finds odd. What business would the two of them have? But it turns out that later, Tohru does run into Kureno, on her way to the store. She was squatting next to a bunch of birds, and when he showed up, they flew away. This is important at all, because that isn't what usually happens to the animals that the Juunishi share a spirit with (agh how to phrase things), in fact it's the opposite. Tohru asks Kureno about this, and then he solidifies any questions by hugging her and,,,, nothing happens. Somehow, he isn't affected by the curse. It has no hold on him, he won't turn into a bird (I suppose a rooster, specifically, which is kinda sad bc I was looking forward to that, in a little way. It'd be funny, if nothing else) if he gets really weak or sick, or if he hugs someone of the opposite sex.

Tohru asks him how this happened, and when, but Kureno doesn't really know. It happened randomly one day, a while back, but he has no idea was triggered it. It's just that, one day, he was vibin, doing his thing, and it just happened. No one else in the family knows, he's just been pretending that he's still a Juunishi. Kureno also said that he can't be with Uotani, that the CD was a wasted attempt, because he's promised to be with and take care of another person, that person being Akito. Kureno makes it clear, though, that he still does care for Uotani, but he just can't be with her. This whole time, it's been switching between the current interaction between Kureno and Tohru, and flashing back to when Kureno first realized that the curse broke for him, and Akito was just fucking losing his mind, screaming and shit. He begged for Kureno to stay, regardless of the curse (btw, at this point, Kureno's a teenager, and Akito's still a little kid, so it was a little while ago), and Kureno said that he would promise to stay with Akito, stay by his side, pretend that he's still a Juunishi, etc.

And then, at the end of the chapter, something is revealed: apparently Akito's a girl. To be honest, I'm not really sure what to do with this information. As far as I can remember, it doesn't really have much to do with anything. Why has he (she? fuck. I have no idea.) been presenting as a boy this whole time? Because his mom forced him, since he was born. Why did she do that? I don't know, it didn't say in this book. Hopefully it fucking clarifies later on, because I'm just getting vibes from that one Insidious movie, with that ghost/demon person. Wasn't that their deal? Something like that. Reversed, but something like that. Idk, I was too busy being scared shitless to think about the intricacies of the plot.

Anyway, so Akito's apparently a girl, but has been raised as a boy. Four of the Juunishi know this: Shigure, Hatori, Ayame, and Kureno, because they were all kids when Akito was born. Apparently, when Akito's mom (her name is Ren) was pregnant with Akito, they all came to her and were crying and shit, acting super weird. Like, they all just knew that Akito would be the God.

As a fun side note, Ren and Akito fucking hate each other. Just,, so much. Is there a person in the Sohma family that doesn't have familial issues, because it just seems like there are a lot of people who do. I think maybe Kagura doesn't? I haven't seen anything saying she has issues. Nothing much has been said about Shigure's, Hatori's, or Kureno's families, so maybe they're okay? I dunno, but one of the things that specifically shows up between Ren and Akito, is that Ren does not believe in the "bond" that Akito and the rest of the Juunishi have, saying that it's a fake love, that, if given the choice, the Juunishi would not behave or treat Akito the way they do, which is kinda true. From what I read about when Yuki first met Akito, there were a lot of conflicting feelings, ranging from "I hate you but also I never want to be away from you" to "This is hell on earth just being near this person but also to be away from this person is agony", and like, whoa. That's a lot. I doubt it's like that at all anymore, but there has been some mentions that Akito does have some higher hold on the Juunishi than other people do.

All this said and done, I still want to know more. I am heavily curious. I'd like to know more about Akito's whole situation. I'm glad he's not just a one-dimensional "bad guy", but dang, some of this stuff, it just feels like it's coming out of left field. (Is that a baseball thing? That sounds like a baseball thing. Idioms are weird.)

By the time that Kureno leaves, Tohru's a wreck. She's crying, and confused, and just,,, yikes. (I kinda was too, but just the confused part.) And so who comes to the rescue than Hanajima, and also Hanajima, but the small one. (I realized recently that most of these people are referred to by their first names, except for like, Uotani and Hanajima, which makes sense. A massive swath of these characters would all be "Sohma". It'd be confusing as fuck. But still. Idk) Hanajima felt Tohru's sheer confusion and despair, and Megumi tagged along because why not, y'know?

Hanajima decided that Tohru would stay with her for the night, so that she and Tohru and Uotani could all talk stuff out about what Tohru was upset about. Unfortunately for Shigure, Yuki and possibly Kyo? I don't think he was home at the time but maybe??, that meant that Tohru wasn't making dinner. So Yuki potentially gave Shigure and himself food poisoning, but hey, it's better than takeout, right? (Seriously, Tohru's back must be tired from cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, and dealing with everyone's emotional baggage, she's doing so much. And she still has her own personal shit that she does, like,,, how hasn't she lost her shit yet??)

Tohru says that Kureno was kind, in that he was looking out for other people's feelings and wellfare before his own, and Hanajima says that she (Tohru) does the same thing (which is what Uotani first saw in Kureno, and why she thought that he was like Tohru), but Hanajima worries that the more that Tohru does that, the more that she carries the worries and troubles of other people, it could end up hurting her. (We love a caring friend that cares) In the end, Uotani tells Tohru that it's okay, that she cares more about the relationships she has now than whatever she might have had with Kureno, which was nice.

Moving onwards, the school is making preparations for graduation! I don't think Tohru and Co. are graduating quite yet (maybe they are idk), but there are these paper flowers that they're making, and for some reason, shenanigans ensue. Like, a group of girls just nabbing a bunch of flowers that Kyo made?? Why? That's really weird of you to do. Stop that. (They were tracked down and forced to make up for all the flowers they stole, because for some reason they wouldn't give back the flowers they stole.) It's kinda weird, I forgot that Kyo is also kinda popular with girls, because usually we only hear from the girls that fawn over Yuki. But yeah, that's a thing for Kyo, as well. Weird, either way.

Now we are at the last chunk of the book, hooray! This isn't as long as the previous one 😬. So, Shigure and Akito got something weird going on. I'm not really sure what to think of it, honestly. Apparently Shigure slept with Ren, and Akito kicked him out of the main house as a punishment, which Shigure did not fight back at all. (wow that was not a large section at all i totally didn't just lose steam and stop right there at all nope not me i don't do that not at all)

I'll admit that part of me is still kinda,, squeamish? I guess? about people in the Sohma household being in relationships, it's just that they all have "Sohma", that is probably messing me up. Idk. It's definitely not a healthy relationship. All kinds of weird tensions and miscommunication abound. It's not a good time.

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punkscowardschampions · 3 years

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Gen 4.1 Planning

Libi: Okay, so my basic premise for who Libi is going to be at her core, WOO; I was thinking about how we said that she is Tess' second (lowkey third but I'll let you live gal) chance at 'getting it right' and raising a child well, which, OBVIOUSLY, she's never told or anything but there's an innate pressure in that that you'd know on some level, likewise her mum AND dad died so everyone would be quick with those comparisons always, this family and Liam's mum when that contact is made because her daughter died as well as; Then that made me think of the pressure Ro felt because you know, bad shit happened to Bea (Edie and Liam in this case) and then she got saved by McVickers and felt like she owed everyone to be great and do great things; so my vibe is that BUT COMING FROM A LESS SELFISH, WEIRD, PERFECTIONISM ANGLE soz not soz Ro, we know what you did; I see her being better behaved as she grows up, far more than her parents obviously but lowkey better behaved than any of the mcvickers or cali kids ever were because she thinks everyone deserves that, her not causing any more problems, but again UNLIKE Ro, she wouldn't be different to a degree of not fitting in because she'd make a massive effort to be there for everyone and every event, be likeable and get along with as much of the fam as possible, obviously some of that is natural charm but it's also putting in the time ahem Rosaline; like, she's a people pleaser, to a fault, and all she cares about is making everyone else, Tess, Fearghal, Ali, JJ etc etc, happy and making sure she's being what she thinks they want her to be/need her to be, and like that is what makes her happy because she is doing it out of love and respect not obligation but she doesn't know she's doing it, you know? Again, it's innate, how she is, but that's where the arc can come in, in realising that she goes with what makes everyone else happy, is who they need, but what does SHE want herself, and what does SHE need? A way I thought we could make this a Bobby/Libi storyline if we wanted (but we do not have to) is if she does have feelings for him, could be any point on his timeline gfs and kids wise whatever, but she lets him go and have whatever gf or do whatever thing because she's like that's what he wants he doesn't like me or want me like that etc, because she doesn't let herself want things selfishly or do anything just for herself Bobby: we should totally have them be together as little bubs because they are and it's like a running joke that they are gonna get together/get married like we've lowkey already said but more so but maybe the vibe is he is really shy how he is and lowkey it's like a my sister and me vibe where she does all the talking and socialising for him and like all their friends are joint friends Bobby: not in a creepy Ro and Ali way but Bobby: and we will let you outgrow that sir Libi: it makes sense because obviously we're learning sign language so simply Bobby can't communicate with most kids by himself, that's facts, and it's easier to have another kid help you than Jimmy always being there, or whoever he has helping him at school, you know Bobby: oh snap maybe I flip reverse what I said and Cammie's mum is the deaf one too and the vibe could be that like Libi pushes him to get some deaf friends as they become like tweens/teens so he can communicate himself so he does and does become more outgrowing that way but maybe he lowkey leans too hard into deaf culture for a while there and she feels like pushed out by it because it's something she can't be a part of Libi: ooh yeah, that makes a lot of sense Bobby: it adds something to Cammie's character as well being hearing but having two deaf parents so that's interesting Bobby: and also makes sense why JJ have to help them so much as well as them just being young Libi: right, there's a lot of shit Cammie would have to do from a young age if not for JJ lowkey 'cos it's just easier for a hearing kid than it is a deaf adult in this world Libi: her mum could maybe be more partial for ease but yes Bobby: and like it makes sense that Libi would push her feelings aside when those two grow closer/happen because she'd be like well they're both deaf that's something I can't give him and something I want him to have Libi: exactly, it'd feel really selfish to wreck that even if you didn't have all the ingrained shit she does around it Bobby: and obviously he actually wants to be with her as well but thinks she doesn't want that and before you now it there's baby Cammie so it's like well now I gotta try and make this work because don't wanna be a shit father like I had Libi: oh the drama of it all Libi: love it Libi: and we've not really got (that I can think of) a never mind I'll find someone like you type deal Libi: because usually it's like JUST SAY IT but it actually makes sense here to pine and long but let him go Libi: hence I'm here for it Libi: So, what I'm thinking right now is, that they're like never officially together, like it just keeps being an in-joke kinda vibe and like we're JUST best friends and then kind of like family, but obviously as they get into tween/teen years it's beyond a stage you can pretend you're just a kid playing at being girlfriend and boyfriend and as you said boo, that will coincide with JJ wedding and kids roughly so then it'd be more obvious like it's not going to happen seriously, then she can encourage him to get deaf friends etc, but I feel like he should only meet Cammie's mum just before or at uni (or whatever equivalent he's doing after school) so then it is quick and not like they were even mates before so it's less of a shock for all, you know? Bobby: I totally agree because I strongly pictured him being best man at the JJ wedding (soz Pete) and her being one of the bridesmaids and all the bants that go along with that and them both being SO 😳 Bobby: and yeah he could live the cliché that Jac was mocking and literally get with this girl freshers week I'd believe it Libi: Right? it then mirrors the Jameson/Cammie thing except they literally are just BFFs and there isn't anything going on Libi: there's actually weight to this but we're just like haha no don't be silly Bobby: and we've literally not done that trope with childhood boy girl best friends before really because baze are probably the closest but they were always so clearly in love and refusing to fight it so it's fun Libi: exactly, because unknowingly or otherwise, we're fighting against all the cliches and tropes that come with this family Libi: like I'm going to not do any of those things that caused drama for everyone and this is clearly too close to home, even though I don't think anyone would actually be that bothered, we've just really internalized and gone with it Bobby: like how nobody cares Jac is gay except Jac herself Libi: right Libi: but obviously she's good at keeping this all internal because no one can or is gonna clock it and be like, babe, it's okay Libi: like JJ might be a bit like oop, keeping it in the family but as long as you're both happy they really don't care, and same for mcvickers even if Tess is suspish of everyone that comes into any gal's life 'cos trauma lol Bobby: Bobby wasn't trying to make deaf culture happen for himself but Libi would have been so excited for him to get out there and do it that he would've been excited too and then it is literally like a new world opening up because who has he ever interacted with that's deaf before Bobby: didn't mean to lowkey leave you behind gal but Libi: it's kinda her own fault, not to blame you but clearly literally what we do like okay he's happy now mission accomplished Bobby: and maybe Cammie's mum is like the deaf equivalent of those gays who make it their whole identity so she's really selling it and so he also thinks okay this is who I should be with Libi: we know the vibe, like it's more excusable but still, I get you Libi: I see it Libi: a bit of a baby gay equivalent like go too hard and you're like I need to calm this down Libi: UNRELATED BUT Libi: think it will please you Libi: Jay is born 32 like Bobby, I'm pretty sure, and I thought Libi and her would also make for interesting content because Jay obviously feels she owes a lot to the fam for not being stuck with Chloe etc etc and the very little we did with her gave off a similar energy to me Libi: and she has her commitment issues in relationships because of her mum situation so they can bond over the shit that holds 'em back even though it's different stuff Bobby: and her relationship with Ava being her mum but also not being is something I feel like Libi can relate to because of how she was raised and the Rio and Buster-ness of it all because they wanted to raise her and obvs they wanted to raise Jay for a while there too Bobby: plus all the travelling she does is something that Libi could potentially join her in doing if she needs an escape so that's nice Libi: 100% it makes for a strong friendship there's a lot of parallels if not total similarities Libi: it makes a lot of sense, it's coming together baby Bobby: if you need to get away from seeing Bobby literally playing happy families, I can offer you that gal because I'm gonna have her go to uni/live in new york probably now that Nancy isn't because her face actually did live there idk if they still do or what but Bobby: we know the vibe is that she goes everywhere and can't settle so you'll have lots of chances to run away in a way that won't upset anyone Bobby: and when she gets her man and it works out we could totally coincide that because she can be like if I can do it so can you Libi: a mood a moment Bobby: all I know is Bobby is gonna be more chatty because neither Jimothy or Jesse are so I must but not to Jude levels of !!! Libi: a nice middleground Libi: which is kind of what I see for her honestly Libi: less in your face than 1. we were as a little bub 2. a lot of the fam but still sociable enough that it jives well with most of 'em Bobby: I'm so happy about all of this and honestly Cammie's mum being deaf makes so much sense in terms of what we were already thinking about her being more distant and working a lot Libi: if she doesn't give up the fight, she could be some kind of advocate vibe Libi: 'cos then Cammie can't even call her out really Libi: like soz this is important, maam your child Bobby: exactly what I was thinking we're in sync rn boo Libi: because it all makes sense, you gotta follow one thread and then the story shows itself tbh Libi: because tying in Astrid too, obviously that makes sense because she loses her mum too, and she'd ultimately be a really good influence because after Ro dies Astrid is kind of freed to do whatever she wants for herself Libi: and how much happier it makes her, how much she improves...well Libi: sips tea Bobby: I LOVE THIS Libi: and who else is taking the autistic girl that seriously and letting her teach you things Libi: love that for you Libi: she's living her best life and we can see that Bobby: she can be in their friend group, I'm happy Libi: ALSO, I feel as if she couldn't lie to Astrid Libi: because she says how she sees it bluntly and we're not going to feel comfortable fobbing her off because of that insistence, so that'll be good for you even when we're hiding it from everyone else Libi: everyone else you've just got to be vaguely like oh no no and it's dropped and like okay Bobby: we're gonna get to show so many different sides of Libi, I'm always here for that Bobby: and however far we go down the Astrid and her gf eating disorder rabbit hole, we''ll have Libi not treating her like a kid which is great Libi: yeah, there's loads we can do with the end of gen 4 for them all it's a mood Bobby: okay so what or who would you like to throw Libi at first Libi: that is the question Bobby: just so we know Bobby is going to Trinity and studying Business, Economics and Social Studies (B.E.S.S.) which is business, economics, political science and sociology basically so he can end up working at that advertising place with Jimothy after he has done this 4 years Bobby: Cammie's mum is there doing deaf studies which is also 4 years Libi: do we wanna do a rough timeline for these people mentioned here Libi: Jay born 32, we find out about her when she's 7 in 39 Libi: Bobby is born 32 and comes into the story 38 Libi: Libi is born 34, Edam die 35, we know this situation, is 4 soon to be 5 when she meets Bobby vias JJ Libi: Astrid is born 35 and Ro dies in 44 when Astrid is 9 Libi: JJ can get married 46, so Libi is 12 and Bobby is 14 Libi: doesn't have to be when we intro the deaf friends to the point of exclusion obvs but it's timed so we never have the 'real' relationship chat of it all obvs Libi: so Bobby would go to uni in 50-51 and Camie is born 51 start of 2nd year Libi: that gives us this good 4 year period before uni to play with, then obviously we know the vibe of when she's born and making that work etc Libi: Hmm, I think it would make the most sense to do a gap year then stay local, like that's the ideal Libi: because I really think she'd struggle being away from the fam Libi: but I'm kinda thinking maybe to be cruel she DOES go away because it seems like something the fam are like yay about Libi: 'cos she'd try really, really hard to stay but they should at least notice that and she can transfer for a reprieve Bobby: that's really nice actually Libi: she should do her first year in Liverpool, the rest at Trinity Libi: okay, so film studies, it was only 3 years in Liverpool but we're changing to trinity and you do years 1 and 2 (aka whilst Bobby is still there at least for year 1 but I need to check anyway) there and years 3 and 4 at Columbia uni in new york, aka where Jay is Libi: **remind me to check the times but we need to give him a solid bday and I'm changing hers up too Libi: this is just roughly Libi: but this way we can be cruel with it lol

#gen 4 #just bibi actually but you know #a bit of jay and astrid etc

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

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Jac & Savannah

Jac: Feel totally free to ignore this, and this isn't an attempt to further any more conversation between us again if you don't want it, but it would feel bizarre to pretend...well, that we hadn't known each other before, or that I'd forgotten you entirely, so Jac: Obviously things weren't great when you left but I'm fully over that as no doubt you are too Jac: As we're classmates again, it makes sense to me that we are civil and prepared to work together if necessary but I'm not going to attempt more than that, nor am I holding some kind of grudge which would prohibit the former, I thought I'd reassure you of that, as well as just say, hello, I suppose 🙂 Savannah: You're right, it would be bizarre as well as counterproductive Savannah: though, we don't actually know each other any more, two formative years having passed, so I don't see why we can't start over Savannah: treating each other like we would our other classmates Jac: That sounds logical to me too Jac: I'd be happy to treat this as an introduction opposed to a reintroduction Savannah: okay Savannah: but before we do, I just want to say I'm really proud of you for getting in Jac: You too Jac: it's amazing, isn't it Jac: better than we had even visualized and worked and prayed for Savannah: I always knew you could do it Jac: I had no doubts about you, either Jac: potential that you'd changed your course and vision but whatever you put your mind and talent to Savannah: I did think you'd go to Bath, or that I would Jac: I could lie here and say something about preferring the history and culture of Edinburgh as a city, and finding St Andrews better in X Y Z but Jac: Bath didn't happen, is the reality of it Jac: but I'm not devastated, as I once would've been to be left with my 2nd choice Savannah: We don't have to lie, it didn't happen for me either, partly because catholic school did of course, but that's not the entirety of it Jac: I try to leave lying, however innocuous and pointless, two years ago, too Jac: Karma or otherwise, just stopped feeling worth it Jac: how was your new School? Savannah: A lot of things stopped feeling worth it to me too Savannah: Oh, Sienna liked it Savannah: I did not Jac: I am sorry to hear that Jac: I can't think of anything I would've liked less than being surrounded by other hormonal, crazy, moody, bitchy teenage girls either Savannah: at least she thrived, you wouldn't even recognise her now Savannah: she's so Savannah: Loud Jac: 😂 Jac: Loud can be good Jac: at least some positives came of it all Savannah: she reminds me of how I remember Jude Savannah: but she's happy, I think Jac: I think you'd still have recognized Jude Jac: likely from a mile off, giving you time to escape Jac: I hope she is Savannah: 😄 Jac: and that you'll be happier here than you were there, too Savannah: unless either of my parents enrol, we can take that as a given Jac: I'll drink to that Jac: complimentary coffee, that is Savannah: for now anyway Jac: Hopefully the plans get a little more exciting Savannah: 🙌 Jac: Have you heard any Psych school nights being organized or do you think one of us should bite that bullet and start the group chat? Savannah: we should do it Savannah: best foot forward, you know? Jac: Absolutely Jac: Why not, eh Jac: You're in halls too, right? Savannah: Yes Savannah: where are you? Jac: John Burnet, how about you? Savannah: You only get a single bed too! Savannah: I'm in University Hall Savannah: it's so pretty Jac: The nuns taught you well then 😛 Jac: I think it's worth it for the architecture, we'll just have to remember not to roll Savannah: 👼🏾🙏🏾 Savannah: It wasn't worth ANOTHER argument with my dad about co-ed Jac: and you get to have the Libraries literally right on your doorstep Jac: I was debating it, but I'm still better in smaller crowds, that sold JB to me ultimately Savannah: if my dad didn't run my life I totally would've applied there too Savannah: I love that it has a garden Jac: I know, right? Jac: Well you can use my little patch of 🌷 🌹 🌺 🌸 🌼 🌻 whenever you like, because I'll certainly be haunting the libraries enough Savannah: You haven't lost any of your sweetness Savannah: & of course you must, I hate studying alone Jac: I'll probably be tragically uncool forever, our classmates may as well find out sooner rather than later 💁 Jac: if the sight of all those books gets too much, there's always the 🏖 for maximum studying, I'm sure Savannah: No way! I had more fun with you than I've had with anyone else EVER Savannah: they'll find all your good points Jac: 😊 Jac: Okay, we did have some fun Savannah: a lot Jac: I can't/shan't disagree with that Savannah: it doesn't feel like two years Savannah: sometimes more like twenty, or like two months Jac: It is really weird, I felt like I haven't said it because it can't be overstated Jac: but good weird Jac: are any of your friends from Sligo here too? Jac: I don't know anyone Savannah: I don't know anyone either Jac: A familiar face is a good thing Jac: as is getting to know each other afresh, they can coexist Savannah: I thought it was for the best that nobody followed me here, until I saw you Jac: Shocking as it was Jac: glad the 😱 isn't permanent Jac: I'd hate to do that to you, honestly Savannah: you don't believe I could pull it off? Jac: Of course you could Jac: but your 😄 is undeniably a better look Savannah: my lips ARE very big, I could end up looking like a blow up doll if I'm forever open mouthed from today onwards Savannah: then I'd never marry a prince Jac: Why we're here, obviously Savannah: Everyone thinks so Savannah: just because my boyfriend dumped me after the leavers cert Jac: Oof Jac: that's rough Jac: though at least he didn't steal your Summer? I guess Savannah: Oh my god! That's exactly what he said Savannah: no wonder he reminded me of you Jac: Oh God 😬 are you suggesting I should be in Sallies with the rest of the fuckboys? 😂 Jac: not the crowd I was hoping to get in with but, you know Savannah: where you are is perfect for you Jac: 🤞 Savannah: it feels right being here Jac: Yeah Jac: it really does Savannah: I was worried I wouldn't feel that when I actually got here but 🙏🏾 Jac: I thought it'd be scarier being away from home Jac: but if anything, it's a relief Savannah: you don't have to share a room with Jude any more, it obviously would be Savannah: how is everyone though? Jac: 🍵🙊 Jac: No, they're good, all doing their own thing Jac: Jesse's got his music, the kids are the same old Jac: oh, Jameson got a girlfriend though, that's cute Savannah: I can't believe one brother is literally famous and the other is adorably loved up Savannah: Sienna hasn't had a boyfriend yet, I think that's my fault Jac: Honestly, they're both unbearable now 😏 Jac: overprotective big sister vibes or off-putting dumping ex? Savannah: Jesse was always an acquired taste, which I never did Savannah: Oh, both, for sure 🤫 Jac: Musically and personality-wise, he'd agree you have a point Jac: long as she's happy, like you said Jac: always found them too distracting myself Savannah: I suppose I just always needed a distraction Jac: Clearly, that's why we aren't having this conversation in Bath Jac: for the best, in the end 🌌🔮 Savannah: I hope so Jac: Honestly, it's a better uni Jac: and I'm not just lying to myself/you to make us feel better 😂 Jac: Delia Rockford, you remember her, right? Jac: She got into Bath, so, you aren't missing out, is what I mean Savannah: I hate her Jac: She's doing International Management and German Jac: the language of the future 🤨 Savannah: She's German descent! That's basically cheating Jac: You'd think she's got a place at Cambridge studying classics the way she's been bragging Jac: they aren't remotely top in languages or whatever the hell International Management is but alright 🙄 Savannah: I'm so glad she blocked me after what happened during the party at Michelle Brennan's house Savannah: which wasn't even my fault Jac: Now that feels like a million years ago Savannah: It was Savannah: I don't think we were even friends yet Jac: We weren't for that long, in the grand scheme of things Jac: that's the weirdest part Jac: we were pretty intense, yeah Savannah: everything was pretty intense Jac: It was Jac: Isabelle is doing coaching at TUD Jac: we were never really the same but she's well in herself Savannah: She'll be incredible at that Savannah: if it had happened to me, there's no way I would've not been retaking the year Jac: I know Savannah: did you hear about my mum? Jac: No, I don't think I did? Savannah: she'll appreciate it not being common knowledge, I guess Jac: Is she okay? Savannah: She's doing better now Savannah: which I suppose means she's at about the same level as she was before I left Savannah: because she really struggled after Jac: It must've been really hard for her Jac: to have you two gone, and realize it probably was for the best Jac: did you see her much, in these two years? Savannah: not as much as I should've Jac: You can't be blamed for that Jac: you had to take care of yourself, and Sienna Savannah: but she needed me to stay Jac: Maybe she needed to sort herself out Jac: and she's getting there Jac: our parents shouldn't be our responsibility Savannah: It has to work out here, you know? Savannah: I can't go back Jac: Of course it will Jac: you're going to be fine, amazing Jac: and then you can do your masters and your Ph.D. and then marry a prince and you'll have several royal residences, neither of which will be in Dubo or Sligo Savannah: I'm just sick of things being painful, difficult is fine, but I want it not to hurt Savannah: which is a HUGE overshare if we met today Jac: it's cool Jac: I hear everyone is best friends for life fresher's week Savannah: that makes me feel a lot better Savannah: especially when I pause to consider how many of them I'm likely to cry on before it's over Jac: It's basically tradition Jac: you won't be the only one Jac: moving forward, it's bound to make you think more about what you're leaving behind, even if temporarily Savannah: I've missed you Savannah: sorry if that's like leaping over a boundary or something Jac: I wouldn't have bet on that being what you said, should I ever see you again Jac: but it's better than what I would've Savannah: It's not like this with anyone else Savannah: I can't change that Jac: I never really Jac: like I went out, people would talk to me, I'm not trying to sell a sob story here Jac: but you're right Jac: it was never the same with anyone else, not remotely Savannah: I've given you mine already, so if you have one, it's okay to tell it or not Savannah: even if I'm so embarrassed I did that Jac: Seriously, no need Jac: you were there to witness my unfinest hour Jac: I treated lots of people like shit Jac: Is, mainly Jac: but you too, in lots of ways Jac: not proud of it, but I changed, still am, hopefully Savannah: I hope you don't change too much though Jac: Yeah? Savannah: I thought you were perfect how you were Jac: And I'm the sweet one Savannah: we both made mistakes, but that's human Jac: It's been a while since anyone's accused me of being human Jac: all those exams Jac: 🤖 felt more fitting Savannah: & you look so 👼🏻 Jac: You look as flawless as you ever did Savannah: My auntie mailed all her good skincare to Sligo Jac: expect no less 🙌 Savannah: the fresher air was 🙌 Savannah: even if the rural accents took me by surprise Jac: 😵 or 🥴 surprise though? Savannah: not like 😊 😋 😍 😘 🥰 Jac: the accent here is pretty 🤭 Jac: though Savannah: which one? 😄 Jac: Valid Jac: very town VS gown Savannah: which one though? Savannah: tell me Jac: The original Savannah: very Romeo & Juliet of you Jac: Oh no Jac: am I that cliche now? Savannah: we'll see Jac: Sounds slightly concerning Jac: but I'll do my best to subvert expectations Savannah: it'll be concerning if you get distracted by some boy's accent after working this hard to get here Savannah: unless he's a prince, obviously Jac: Not changed that much Jac: I'd get disowned if I married royalty, anyway Savannah: 🚫💍👰 Savannah: just adorable heirs to the throne Savannah: 👶👶👶👶👶 Jac: adorable, illegitimate bastards ❤ Savannah: yes Savannah: or is that another cliche? Jac: Probably Jac: although if we are educated, career women now, any babies is beating expectations Savannah: except not really because every career woman is also determined to become a mother & prove she can have it all Jac: 🚫👶 it is then Jac: maybe a dissertation topic, at any rate Savannah: 😢 Jac: 👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾 Jac: many as you like Savannah: they all need best friends Savannah: you have to stick to the plan Jac: Can I get through freshers first? Savannah: 🤞🏾 Jac: Please, I'm no amateur Savannah: I hope not, I'm single & the point is we do it at the same time Jac: as am I Jac: not feeling any 1st year that hard, thanks 😏 Savannah: you always date older, it's fine Jac: None of our lecturers were the one Jac: another cliche avoided Savannah: I'm not sad about that Jac: There's enough inequality of power about without actively seeking out the dynamic, agreed Savannah: ^^ Jac: the fashion show seems to have got the diversity memo though Jac: could be cool Savannah: it's going to be the highlight, I can feel it Jac: 😄 Jac: I was thinking Tues for our psych night, as nothing much is really going on Jac: what do you think? Savannah: good idea Jac: 👍 Savannah: I'll start the chat if you want Jac: You were always better at talking Savannah: when it's not that important, but when it matters, you always know exactly what to say Savannah: at least to me Jac: You're easy to talk to Jac: in a way I really could never work out Savannah: There's nobody in my life right now who would agreed with that Savannah: so it must be you Jac: my inbox full of unreads would say otherwise but Jac: I'll take it Savannah: okay, it's us together Savannah: does that make you happier? Jac: Better Savannah: your hair got really long Savannah: I'm BEYOND jealous Jac: You've got no reason to be jealous of any other girl in the world Savannah: you're not any other girl in the world Savannah: 🤫🤫 Jac: 😶 Jac: Promise Savannah: it looks beautiful, I can't cope Jac: My 😳 will not Savannah: 💗 Savannah: 🌷 🌺 🌸 Jac: Is that a dress code? Savannah: well NOW it is Jac: 😂 Jac: My wardrobe can accomodate Jac: cheers for the heads up Savannah: you're welcome Savannah: & we're all set until 💬 Jac: I better let you get on then Savannah: was it that good of a conversation starter? Jac: Solid Jac: will scare off anyone 😱 of 💗 🌷 🌺 🌸 Savannah: well I obviously don't need that negativity in my life Savannah: but I didn't mean to end this conversation Jac: We don't have to Jac: What are your plans for the rest of the day, now the obligatory are over? Savannah: don't judge me, because I know I sound like a different person, but I haven't made any Jac: Thank God, me neither Jac: I didn't know how long any of that would take Jac: nor unpacking, which is technically done but that says nothing about the decorating I wanna do Savannah: I could help Jac: Or, slightly more fair, we could check out the town, see what shops are about? Savannah: I'd like that Jac: Cool 🙂 Jac: let's have half an hour to debrief and make sure we don't look 😱 and then head out? Savannah: okay Savannah: you can put your hair up & save my life Jac: oh 🤫 Savannah: I am serious Savannah: 🚗 🚕 🚲 are distraction enough Jac: You could rock a cast Jac: but I won't let it happen Savannah: what would you write on it? Jac: That's a good 🧊breaker Jac: but I'll have to keep that secret for now Savannah: if I ask everyone on Tuesday, will you tell me then? Jac: It's a deal Savannah: it is

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

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Buster & Rio

Buster: You coming home soon or what? Rio: Um no, not yet? Rio: You don't need to wait up, babe Buster: Well you're gonna wake me coming in, like Rio: Alright, I'll go in with Indie then Buster: That bedroom ain't far enough from mine to make that much difference, babe Buster: But I appreciate the sentiment Rio: Come on, we won't be going out of our way to make noise Rio: Got some manners, like Buster: I never said you would be trying to Rio: Well Rio: you want me to get a hotel or what? I kinda wish you told me this earlier Buster: Calm down Buster: It ain't that drastic Buster: I'm just saying Rio: May as well sort it before it becomes it like, save both of us the aggro init Buster: It sounds more like you're trying to start some than save us from it Buster: But whatever Rio: How am I starting anything? Oh my God Buster: That Buster: Fucking attitude from the second I open my mouth Rio: You came in with one, how was I meant to react Buster: That'd be why you're out and you don't wanna be in, yeah? Buster: Even though I reckoned that was the point of having her here but you know Rio: The point is so she can clear her head and chill, forget about shit at home for a bit Rio: What, you reckon I shouldn't have taken her out? It's not like I'm letting her get fucked Buster: What do I know I ain't there Rio: It ain't my fault you've got footie early tomorrow Rio: you're hardly missing anything Buster: Come home then Buster: If it ain't worth putting the hours in Rio: She's having a good time still Buster: Indie can have a good time anywhere Buster: Including here Rio: Why do you need me to come back so bad? Buster: I don't Buster: I just thought you would be Rio: Sorry Rio: I'll see you in a few then Buster: Fine Rio: Still don't know why you've got a mood on for though Buster: I told you Buster: Sorry I ain't looking forward to you two crashing in fuck knows when Rio: And I told you, we ain't going to Rio: and also said if you're that concerned we'll go elsewhere Rio: you don't get to complain when I'm out here offering solutions Buster: Yeah 'cause you have so much control over Indie now Buster: She don't know how to do anything quietly Buster: It doesn't mean I'm gonna kick you out Rio: Do you not want her here? Buster: What kind of question is that? Buster: I'm not gonna send her back, am I? Rio: Yeah but do you want her HERE Rio: because if you don't then say Buster: That's what you want me to say so you can leave Buster: I'm not stupid Rio: I'm not going to make her stay somewhere she isn't wanted Rio: she feels that enough as is Buster: If I didn't want her here I'd have said before now Buster: Fucking hell Rio: Would you though Rio: 'cos I didn't give you chance Rio: I just assumed but it's fine Buster: I ain't that whipped, whatever everybody thinks, cheers Rio: Whatever Buster: Do you wanna go? Is that what this is? Rio: Go to the nearest Travelodge? Like nah, it's not ideal but whatever, like I said Buster: That's not what I meant Rio: That isn't a question of want, we both know I always had to go back Buster: Yeah, but is the timing right or isn't it? Buster: Would you still stay if you could or nah? Rio: Of course I would Rio: Why are you even questioning that Buster: 'Cause it's different now Buster: Bubble's burst and it ain't just you and me anymore, like Rio: I didn't know that's how you felt Buster: The longer she's here the more homesick you're gonna be Buster: Missing the way things were before Buster: And if Drew's out the picture then there's nothing to stop you Rio: Here was never the full time plan, you're going to fucking Uni over there, like Buster: But not yet Rio: They ain't handling it Rio: I have to go back Rio: like I said, I don't want to, so don't try and act like I do Buster: What so I have to handle it here by myself? Buster: They've got me so outnumbered Rio: Baby Rio: Difference is I know you can handle it Rio: you don't need me Buster: Just as fucking well really, isn't it? Rio: Fuck you Rio: I've done so much for you if it isn't good enough then seriously, fuck off Buster: So now I've reached the limit of what I'm owed then and its every man for himself, yeah? Buster: Didn't realise I was on borrowed time with it, like Rio: You're just looking for a fight right now Buster: Nah, you're just telling me that I don't get to need you anymore 'cause they do Buster: That's how it's gonna be, I'm 2nd and they're all 1st Rio: That's stupid Rio: not what I'm saying or how it is Rio: I'm trying my best to divide my time equally Rio: like you said, it ain't just us, and this past, however long it's been I've been giving ALL my time to you Buster: Forget it Buster: Whatever I say I'm the bad guy Buster: Keeping you from your fam and real life Rio: Who said that? Rio: That's what I wanted and needed Buster: But not anymore so if I tell you to stay past this point that's what I am Rio: No Rio: but you'll be disappointed Rio: we both know I have to Buster: Yeah well Rio: Nice Buster: Maybe you should stay somewhere else, make it easier on us both when you leave Rio: Are you fucking serious Buster: Tonight can be a trial run Buster: I've gotta get used to you not being here sometime Rio: You're a pussy Buster: Fuck you Rio: Seriously, you're gonna try and get out of this now Rio: like we haven't done this before Rio: like it's not temporary Rio: what the fuck, Buster? Buster: It's a night Buster: And an idea Buster: Christ Rio: I'm not stupid Rio: I know what you're saying Buster: What? Buster: Tell me what you reckon I'm saying, go on Rio: Nah enough Rio: this conversation has gone down the way you wanted enough for one night Buster: Who's being a pussy now? Buster: Say what you're trying to say Rio: It's pretty fucking apparent you're saying if I go back you can't do this anymore Buster: If you're gonna put words in my mouth pick less fucking stupid ones Rio: Well you want me to leave pretty bad right now so Buster: No I don't Buster: Don't be an idiot Rio: Don't call me that Buster: I'm sorry Rio: Forget it Buster: No Buster: Look, I'm saying it'll hurt and I'm not ready for it and it's not what I want Buster: That's all Rio: I know, me too Rio: so I don't know why or how we're arguing right now Rio: it's a waste of time Buster: 'Cause I thought it'd make it easier to just be mad Buster: But it doesn't Buster: And I'm not Rio: I'm sorry it hasn't worked Rio: now I know I can give it another shot to really get you pissed off if you wanna, like Buster: Shut up Buster: You know I'd put up with having our entire fam in this house if it meant you were too, yeah? Rio: Yeah Buster: I love you more than anything Rio: I love you too Rio: We'll make it work, alright? Buster: 'Course Buster: I'm not losing you Buster: Never Rio: No, you won't Rio: so cut the crap, yeah Rio: let me come home Buster: It doesn't have to be now Buster: But yeah Buster: I want you here Rio: I want to now Buster: Then come home Buster: Please Rio: Okay Rio: Please don't scare me like that again Buster: I won't Buster: I'm so sorry, babe Buster: I didn't mean to Rio: Let's just forget about it forreal now Rio: I don't want it to spoil things Buster: Whatever you want Buster: Do you need me to come and pick you up? Rio: That's alright, already called a ride Rio: getting our coats now, always fun Buster: Poor baby Buster: I've been known to leave them there rather than try and collect, honestly Rio: Oh babe, living up to your rep Buster: It exists for a reason, like Rio: This coat cost a fortune I ain't letting some random have it Buster: Nance would be proud Buster: Fashion is suffering or some shit Rio: Close enough, babe 😂 Buster: I just look good I don't need a mantra about it Buster: But you know Rio: Alright, no need to rub it in, like Buster: Shut up Buster: You're beautiful and you always look it Rio: Yeah yeah yeah Buster: Yeah Buster: Seriously Rio: Try and get back in my good books harder 😜 Buster: Behave Buster: I'm being honest Rio: Shh give me a big head Buster: My goal is that you won't be able to fit through the door so I can be the hero and help you in Rio: Such a 🤓 Buster: 'Cause you love it Rio: True Rio: very considerate Buster: I want you to love and miss me again Buster: Very selfish Rio: When did I not? Buster: Well you won't stop now Buster: Guaranteeing it, like Rio: You're so cute Buster: You're everything Rio: Love you Buster: I miss you Rio: I won't be long Rio: you gonna let me come in your bed or what now? Buster: I'm already in it so that's up to you, babe Buster: But you know I want you Rio: I know Rio: you 😴 baby Buster: Just thinking about you Rio: All good I hope Buster: What do you reckon? Rio: Hmm Rio: I don't hate my odds, like Buster: Good Buster: Don't Rio: What you thinking baby? Buster: Getting ideas of how to make things up to you, like Rio: You still got time, our ride ain't here yet and Indie's gone to get food Rio: make the most of it Buster: 'Course she has Buster: But yeah I'll use it wisely Rio: just a question of what sauce she gonna spill all over my clothes, like 😏 Rio: pleased to hear it Buster: Thank fuck she ain't wearing mine Rio: The dry cleaning bills Rio: nightmare 😂 Buster: If my clothes are gonna get trashed I'd rather be the one doing it and getting something out of it Buster: But whatever Rio: Not a bad rule Rio: though it gives me lots of 😈 ideas Buster: Yeah? Rio: Yep Rio: Lots and lots Buster: None of my shirts are gonna have buttons left, are they? Buster: I know how you think Rio: Damn 😂 Rio: I'm so predictable, huh? Rio: cut me deep, babe Buster: I'm just in this that deep with you Rio: Nice save 😉 Buster: It's fine, I'm not wearing one right now anyway Buster: This is bound to inspire you differently Buster: [Sends pics of his topless joggers aesthetic moment] Rio: 😩 why you trying to kill me Rio: you know, if you'd opened with this, I woulda been there like that Buster: I mean, I was fresh out the shower earlier so I wasn't wearing anything when we first started talking Rio: 😒 BOY Rio: so mad at you for holding out on me Buster: How mad? Rio: Mad enough that I got to tease you back now Buster: From there or when you get here? Very different things Rio: Think you deserve both, tbh Buster: Good luck, babe Buster: I'm looking irresistible right now Rio: You reckon I ain't? Buster: I reckon you were the whole time you were getting ready to go and I managed to resist you then so Rio: You ain't the only one with willpower, babe Rio: Trust Buster: It ain't me you gotta tell Buster: It's about trusting yourself, babe Rio: Be cocky whilst you can Buster: It's confidence Buster: But if you're so sure I'm wrong, seeing these won't have any effect whatsoever, yeah? Buster: [Sends his fresh out the shower pics from earlier] Rio: None whatsoever Rio: Nope Rio: You make it so hard to be mean to you 😩 Buster: Let me be nice to you Buster: I really want to Rio: How nice? Buster: Selflessly Buster: The kind of nice when its all about you Rio: Baby Rio: Tell me I can say yes Buster: You're gonna be saying it soon whether I tell you to or not Rio: I'm so weak for you Buster: That's okay baby, let me know when your cab's here and I'll come and get you Buster: Save your energy Rio: Why are you so good to me Buster: You're mine Buster: I gotta keep you Rio: I don't deserve it Buster: Bullshit Buster: You deserve more Rio: No Rio: anyway, I want you, not more Buster: You deserve me bringing my best for you all the time Rio: When do you not Rio: you're so good Buster: When I'm being a prick Rio: Well, even then Rio: it's only 'cos you love me that much Rio: I get it, I feel it Buster: Yeah, I know you do Rio: You didn't mean it did you Rio: I mean Rio: am I not there for you enough Buster: Shut up Buster: I was just trying to make you stay Buster: You were closer to being right when you told me to fuck off, like Rio: Okay Rio: I just had to check Rio: if any of it was valid, I wanna know, like Buster: Babe no Buster: You've always be here for me Buster: Even when we had to find excuses to talk Rio: Good Rio: because I try, I really do Buster: I know Buster: I will it Buster: feel* Buster: Everyone else does too, Indie included Rio: She does now Rio: I was so immature, I should've dropped that boyfriend shit ages ago Buster: You didn't want her thinking that you were down with it or that she should be Buster: You weren't wrong Buster: Drew's her dad it's no wonder she thinks men are cunts but you were trying to get through to her otherwise, like Rio: Yeah Rio: I don't know Rio: I just keep thinking I've handled all of this really wrong Buster: Baby Buster: You handled it as best you could Buster: Better than a lot of us Rio: It's done now, like Rio: If I need to do better I only can going forward so Buster: Me too Buster: Like you said, we're gonna make this work Buster: Not just us, all of it Rio: Together, yeah? Buster: For fucking ever Rio: For fucking ever baby Buster: I still wanna marry you Buster: Don't forget it, yeah? Rio: I can't wait Rio: I mean, I can Rio: but I really wanna marry you Buster: Everything is gonna be so good Buster: We just have to get through this shit first Rio: Easy, yeah? Buster: 'Course Rio: I always miss you in cabs Rio: such a waste Buster: It doesn't have to be Buster: Think about what you want me to do when you get home Rio: Not a bad idea Buster: I never have any Rio: Okay then, prove it to me now Buster: Tell me how Rio: Well, it has to be your idea, sort of the point 😉 Buster: Fine, twist my arm Buster: I've already set up a spa vibe for you Buster: 'Cause I don't want you to be stressed Buster: And I can't be sending you to an actual one at this AM probably Rio: Baby Rio: you're so Buster: Plus, it would be rude if you let some random masseuse or whoever touch you like I'm gonna so there's also that Rio: I don't want anyone else Rio: only you Buster: Good 'cause I want you so fucking badly Buster: I ain't been able to concentrate since you left here looking like that Rio: Whenever I'm not with you I just think about how good it'll be when I am again Buster: I'm gonna make you feel really good, baby Buster: Promise Rio: You already are Rio: it's very distracting Buster: I ain't even started yet, trust me Buster: I'm gonna take my time Rio: Yeah? Buster: I just need to decide if I'm gonna work from top to bottom or the other way around Buster: Can't rush these things Rio: I need to kiss you Rio: please start there Buster: 'Course, I gotta get you from the car and lay you down Buster: Plenty of time for kisses Buster: Keep breathing though, you're meant to be relaxing Rio: I'll do my best Buster: I know you will Rio: Jesus, I just keep looking at your pictures Buster: Tell me what you're thinking about Rio: How much it's going to drive me crazy feeling your body pressed up against mine when you're taking your time Buster: I have so many different oils to play with Buster: I can't wait to see which one is your favorite Rio: You've really thought of everything, haven't you? Buster: No half measures, babe Rio: I hope not Rio: I want everything Buster: The ice don't need to stay in your drink if you get too hot either Buster: There's plenty Buster: But obviously I've made cocktails for the full spa experience 'cause no amateur Rio: Just fucking marry me already 😻 Rio: I feel so bad for everyone else because they don't get to be with you Buster: Say that again Rio: Marry me Buster Buster: Jesus, I love hearing you say that to me Rio: Good because I mean it Rio: and I'll keep asking 'til it happens Buster: I'm so in love with you Buster: Fuck Rio: I know baby Rio: I never thought I'd have this Buster: Me either Rio: I wanna give you everything Buster: You do Rio: Yeah I do, Daddy Buster: Be home now Buster: This is ridiculous Rio: You're telling me Rio: this place and fucking traffic Buster: It's one thing I won't fucking miss Buster: There's a whole list, like, but Buster: Right now traffic is the worst of it 'cause I won't stop aching for you until you're here and I just Rio: Yeah, it's been just what I needed whilst I've been here though, but then I don't go to your School, try and convince 'em as I might that I need to hand-deliver you your lunch or whatever Rio: I know, I'm so needy Rio: it hurts Buster: How much longer? Buster: I'll pay him to hurry the fuck up at this point Rio: We're barely 5 minutes away but total standstill Buster: Fuck's sake Buster: Excuse me while I find you and carry you back, like Rio: At least then I wouldn't be squirming in my seat trying to hide how turned on I am Rio: she's lowkey passed out but still Buster: Am I gonna need to carry her in the house first? Rio: Nah, I think she's just that bored of waiting Rio: Girl, me too Rio: she didn't get that fucked, which was a pleasant change Buster: Good 'cause it'd be hard to hide how turned on I am if I did have to Buster: And she don't need to be getting that idea Rio: Mhmm Rio: or you getting confused and giving her everything you've been promising me Rio: not on my watch Buster: Never, babe Buster: It's all yours Rio: Say that again Buster: I'm yours, Rio Rio: If we were any closer I'd get out and walk Rio: fuck me Buster: Don't tempt me Rio: I just love you Rio: I don't wanna waste a second Buster: Baby Rio: I want you to moan that into my ear so desperately I hear exactly how bad you need me Buster: God, I wish you could hear the sounds I'm making every time I read these messages Rio: You're so fucking perfect, don't ever change Rio: we're gonna be making so many sounds together so soon Buster: I need to feel you and taste you Buster: Come home Rio: I'm already so wet for you as soon as you touch me I'm going to cum for you Buster Buster: Say that again Buster: Fuck Rio: I'm gonna cum for you Buster Rio: you've got me so close I can barely stop myself from grinding my pussy on this seat Buster: That's so hot Buster: I'm getting you a ring before you leave London, I have to Rio: you mean it Buster: I mean it Rio: Baby Buster: You don't have to wear it yet if you don't want to but I want you to know you have it Rio: I wanna wear it Buster: Yeah? Rio: Yeah Rio: I don't care anymore, I want everyone to know I love you and I'm yours Buster: Me too Rio: It's not like we have to tell anyone anything official Rio: but I'm not going to deny it or not enjoy it fully Buster: Okay Buster: Good Rio: As long as you agree? I won't do anything you don't wanna and vice versa Buster: I'm with you, babe Buster: If they ask then they ask Buster: I'm not gonna stress about it either way that's not what this is supposed to be, you know Rio: Exactly Rio: You can be engaged forever, it isn't a commitment to any time Buster: We both know we can wait Buster: We've done it before Rio: 'Course Rio: Waiting 'til daddy earns big so we can do it right Buster: Only the best for you, obviously Rio: Anyway, my parents can't say shit to me Rio: shot 'emselves in the foot there, like Buster: My dad can try but like sorry she didn't say yes to you first time Buster: 18th the charm or whatever Rio: Awh 😂 Rio: Perhaps don't lead with that when the time comes, babe Buster: It ain't my fault that he probably did it angrily like how he did everything back then Rio: Damn Buster: MARRY ME don't have the same ring to it, no pun intended Rio: Your Mum was clearly still feeling it though Buster: It wasn't like she was living life any different Buster: Never gonna be chill was I? Rio: Not much chance Rio: Even Nance, who you'd think was from first look, has the flair from the dramatic so Buster: She's got loads of anger she's just better at keeping it inside Buster: With her secrets Buster: Cheers for loving me anyway, like Rio: Yeah Rio: Like I'm the picture of perfection over here Buster: You are though Rio: Don't be daft Buster: I ain't Buster: I'm right Buster: You're so fucking perfect Buster: It's how you've got me feeling this way Rio: You're very cute Rio: Biased, but cute Buster: I'm gonna make you see it Buster: Even if that takes forever too Rio: Well we're here Rio: can start now Buster: Good Buster: I can't wait Rio: Hmm, what happened to taking your time? 😋 Buster: Shhh Buster: I can't wait to start taking my time, then Rio: It's alright, you know I don't really want you to Rio: I don't know if I can handle it, I need you Buster: I know, baby Buster: I'm coming to get you now, don't worry Rio: Better but Indie to bed first Buster: 😒 True Rio: The sooner she's asleep the sooner we're alone baby Buster: Yeah Rio: You pouting 'cos you can't carry me? Rio: There's still plenty of time for heroics, don't worry Buster: There better be Buster: I know you don't want to take things too slow but Rio: I'm still unbelievably turned on Rio: ain't gonna read her a bedtime story, like, we're good Buster: You think you want me now, just wait Rio: I know I do Rio: but if you wanna have me begging for it then you know I don't mind Buster: There's so many things I wanna hear you say Rio: Yeah? Buster: Yeah Buster: But if I have to make you then I'll be the one begging 'cause I need you just as bad as you need me Rio: Trust baby, you don't even have to ask nice Buster: I love you Rio: I love you

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

Text

Rio & Buster

Rio: *The worst thing was not even being able to cry. Okay, so that wasn't true but it made the pain, that she thought couldn't possibly be any more, deepen, burrowing deep down inside her, not allowed to be felt, growing there, hollowing her out from the inside. She was hollow now. A literal husk. Like one of those creatures that get eggs laid in its brain or whatever, happily and mindlessly growing the imposter babies until they're big enough to eat their way out. But she hadn't even been tricked, it wasn't mindless, injected on the sly, unaware. She had OFFERED to do this. Happily growing her, the baby, Venus, her baby but not, day after day. Acting as if she could do this. How could they have believed her? How could they be all smiles and happy tears and joy, snatching her from her arms, when she was lying there, torn apart by this. How? She wasn't that good an actress. Buster knew. Had known from the start. Couldn't have listened, could she? No, had to prove him wrong, prove she was a good person, sister. Hope it was worth it. Because what have you got to show for it now? His car came to a stop in the driveway. She didn't get out. Couldn't. Jay wasn't there right now, obviously, but she'd be back soon. How could she look after her, give her her baths, tell her stories, play with her, cook her meals, when her whole body and mind was screaming to look after her own baby. She needed her. Venus needed her. Rio shook her head, tears silently trickling down her face, finally, a numb sort of acceptance.* Buster: *He'd done everything he was meant to do, months of rubbing her back to try and erase tension and fucking sadness she liked to try and pretend wasn't there, exchanged for hours of the same action, but with pain so physical it couldn't be denied. On the one hand he was grateful that it had to hurt (selfish and cunty as that sounded) 'cause it pushed every other sensation aside, giving her an out, as their was no way she could think of anything but getting the baby out. On the other (yet more selfish and cunty) he was angry that from where he stood there was no forgetting that this wasn't the end, more like the worst beginning, and the next part, the after, he had no idea how to prepare for. Yeah, he could hold her hand in the delivery room and feed her ice when she needed it, no worries, but how the hell was he meant to keep hold when they left (empty handed as he'd warned) and feed her lies that neither of them believed in or found comforting? Fucking hell. It was hell, as much as they'd ever been in it. Buster hadn't felt out of depth when they placed either of his daughters in his arms, but now, holding Rio, he had to admit he was lost. Still, he did it, forcing a closeness he knew she wouldn't ask for. Didn't think she deserved. Wrong again, that much he could let be wordlessly spoken for all the 'I told you so' bullshit he never would.* Rio: *She didn't have it in her to push him away. She had no fight left. She didn't lean into it either though, remaining rigid, not allowing herself to get comfort from it. Didn't deserve it. The 'told you so' wouldn't come, of course, talk what he liked, he wasn't that cunt. But she was. And it true. He had. Punishment enough in what had happened, he surely reckoned. If only. She had plenty of ideas of how she could hurt herself forever over this. Keep that to herself too, knowing he'd try and put a stop to that. What a fucking mess she had dragged him into. Understatement. And just another reason to hate herself.* Buster: *Left without a single option for how to bring her back into the world he simply resolved to bring the world to her. Theirs. 'Cause not everything had changed, it couldn't have. There was already enough to deal with, too much really, and that was just from his perspective. Selfish again, but all he had to work with, his pressure to thrive from, since Rio was making it abundantly clear he was locked out of hers. The silence was pressing down making the car feel cramped, small and cheap. Unrecognisable. Still, that was easily remedied, that degree of escape at least, he unbuckled her seatbelt and carried her out, into the house like she weighed nothing. Compared to this, she honestly didn't, the blanket he covered her with once he placed her on the sofa seemed heavier, equipped for a chill that shouldn't exist, and he knew didn't, anywhere else.* Rio: *Waking up, not knowing how she got here, or when she passed out. Not out of the ordinary back in the day but so very, very wrong now. How could she sleep when she didn't know where her baby was? How she was? Why wasn't her body keeping her awake, sheer instinct, if nothing else? The need to protect overriding any exhaustion and agony, mental and physical. Clearly, she wasn't the Mother everyone painted her to be, that she'd allowed herself to think she was, could be.* What time is it? *It had to be late, it was dark. She must've slept all day. What a useless fucking bitch.* Buster: *He'd kept himself busy, forcing himself into being not just present, but extra attentive while Rio couldn't be. Buster told himself that it wasn't selfish (for once) reasoning that drove him, leaving water beside her rather than tea that'd sit untouched until it was cold, he knew, or coffee that'd leave a sour taste in her mouth. But he wasn't no saint, even now, and if he could be honest if only in his own head, it hurt to look at her. Like this. So he arranged for Jay to be collected and kept overnight before she could take a step over the threshold, barely a fucking reprieve, obviously, but he was trying. Had to. Got other shit done he'd been putting off, leaning hard into the legal jargon, until his eyes blurred but nothing else would. Of fucking course. He'd been making dinner, a recipe firmly in mind, he'd swear, when he heard her and dropped the salad tongs without registering that sound. * Late. Rio: *She nodded, shrugging a 'sorry' his way too for good measure, mouth too dry to attempt any more words than she'd managed there. Voice cracked, broken from the effort that was frankly subpar at best, piss poor if they were being honest and there was no room for any more lies. Especially from her. How was he going to believe her on anything ever again? How was she? That was broken too. She was. The idea that they might be was one too far. She started sobbing, again. Broken record. She was already sick of it so god knows he was. Rio tried to do it silently, as if he wasn't also sneaky surreptitious glances at her that hurt her heart, making her feel as fragile as the look betrayed he reckoned she was now. Not wrong, again. Fuck. Another realisation hitting, how had she been allowed to sleep so long, and why was it so quiet? Panic like a lightning bolt jolting her up and over to him, freakishly fast, desperate.* Where's Jay? Buster: *He nodded himself, a gesture towards the full glass, offering her a drink without having to actually say it. How was he meant to tell her to do anything again, after this? He'd said to do it, giving her the go ahead of something he knew was wrong. And for what, so her brother and his boyfriend could be the only ones all smiles? Fuck that. His jaw clenched, which he felt, pre-ache, while he gripped the counter top with a force he didn't yet. Braced. For whatever. Or so he'd reckoned, until the tears came and proved him not remotely ready for it. The instinct to say 'Don't' was swallowed, thank Christ, but managed to stick painfully in his throat anyway. A hard lump. Burning eyes which he blamed tiredness for rubbing as he reproached himself with the sort of harsh words he'd never aim anywhere else. The silence was even more deafening 'cause it wasn't total now, punctuated by sounds from her. Heartbreaking for how quiet they were, despite the pain that they came from being anything but. Buster tried to shake himself out of this shit, springing out of the rut so it'd change shape. Let it be big enough for two, he owed her that, for everything he'd said and hadn't. Where he'd stopped but not properly drawn a line. Been a pussy. Worse than.* At a sleepover. Better social life than any of us these days, like. *It shook him how normal his voice sounded compared to the hours of internal monologue that'd gone on and on as Rio slept. He was about to shrug, feed that lie that this was a typical scene on another day, but his jaw clinked. A reminder that it wasn't. The wake up call he needed.* If you need me to get her back for you, I can do it. *Blue eyes locked on green. He didn't mean Jay and they both knew it.* Rio: *Rio tried to convince herself that the sleepover was a pre-planned thing, like Jay had been buzzing about it for ages but that was a load of shit and it stung like the slap in the face it was. Another failing. She truly didn't need anymore but she just kept letting them pile up and up; going for a world record, like? She was about to protest, say that he should've let her come Home, and she could've gone...somewhere else. God fucking knew she couldn't face her Mother and Father right now, how she would ever alluding her heartbroken brain too but she'd have found somewhere to curl up and die. She was about to argue her case when he said it. Making confident eye contact, his voice not wavering one octave. Like it was easy. Like it was right. Like she should. She shook her head, taking several steps back, wary.* Don't. Don't fucking say that. Buster: *This shit had him up against the ropes, trapped like nothing else, but he was still himself. Had to be. There was no retreating and staying fucking catatonic for him. Ever. He didn't blame her for trying it, like, wouldn't ever, but Buster McKenna would die fighting his corner. And this was it. What mattered. Rio could tell him that there was no going back, but he knew the only way that was true was if he backed down. Again.* Don't say it ain't what you want. Or that it can't be done. If me and Chlo could co-parent for fucking years, they could deal with you having your kid. It's not like they'd never see her, is it? Demi's got rights, same as you. *He paused to take a deep breath. *Junior'll still be a parent, like you are to Jay. And Kira. Rio: Of course it is, I know how fucking obvious it is to see, but it doesn't matter what I want! *She stared at him, disbelief and pure fury that he was here acting like this were a possibility when it wasn't. It was cruel, unbelievably so, couldn't he see that? Head back to shaking like she was a fucking nodding dog, such a yes woman all of a sudden changing her tune.* They didn't sign up for that. I made a promise and I have to keep my end of it. Legally, yeah, there was no contract, just the exchange of money on a promise, so I see where your brain has gone already but do you think I wanna drag my own Brother through the Courts because I can't keep to my fucking word? *She raises her hands to say 'Well? What's your response now?' because how could she?* I don't know how I'm going to live with this hurt but I'm going to have to. I can't be that bitch, can I? How selfish would I have to be to wish this on Junior? Jesus! Buster: *He couldn't remember the last time he was this angry, or allowed to be. But neither of his daughters were in earshot tonight and of all there was to lose, self control was the least of it.* Bullshit. *He spat the word out like it actually tasted bad. *That's all that matters, Rio. Fuck's sake! *It was impossible to stare back at her with everything he could see in hers when their eyes met, but harder still to look away. Fuck. *Erin didn't sign up for me cheating on and knocking her up, but things happen, yeah? Nothing has to be set in stone. Especially when you can't promise me that your plan is any fucking better. *God he needed a drink. Or to hit something. Maybe both.* It wouldn't get that far, you know that. Junior loves you and if he loves that baby at all he isn't gonna behave like Chlo. He ain't that bitch. *Frustration kept building and he finally pinched the bridge of his nose (not bleeding but it might as well be if they traded any more 'punches') hard enough to focus himself for at least a second. A breath. *Oh, fuck off! He was happy to let you play Auntie for the rest of the kid's life, why is it selfish for him to stay at uncle. Rio: *She rolls her eyes. No doubt would make him madder than he already was but they were past the point of doing and saying, (or holding back from), things to keep the other happy in this moment.* To you maybe but not to anyone else. Sorry I'm not all that fun right now, give me a day at least, fucking hell, like. *Certain that would pack the desired K.O. punch, relying on it honestly because she needed him to stop talking because the more he talked the more she wanted to say 'yeah, you're right, let's do this'. If she let herself agree, to say what she wanted to say, to do what she wanted to do, there would be no going back. She had to hold it together, stop it from happening and it was so unfair because she had never been weaker than now and she had to be the strong one, for everyone's sake. As fucking per. No rest for the wicked, yeah? Rio was trying hard not to listen, it was about all she could do, aside from walking away and they both knew she had nowhere the fuck to be or go. Of course, weren't that easy, head snapping back to him from down at her nails, (like she was so bored and nonplussed), when he mentioned Junior.* Because- that. was. the. agreement. Get it through your thick head, please! It's not as if they've actually snatched her, even if that's how it feels. It isn't selfish because I sat there for nine months smiling and acting like it was what I wanted, you can't blame them, no matter how hard you try. This is my fault, Buster. And I have to deal with that. Buster: Fuck you. *There was a tone of voice he finally recognised, all bullshit he'd just tried to call out stripped away, not just fitting the situation but refusing to diffuse it. He poured himself a measure of whiskey and downed it, slamming the empty glass down without offering her anything, or saying anything else at all. Just as well 'cause he was wasting his breath. He heard that loud and clear. Time for her to get a dose of the same truth, he loved her, really fucking much, but he couldn't do this, what she was insisting she was going to. The 9 months that had just gone by was one kind of tightrope, he'd run the length of it for her gladly, would again without question. But what she was asking (no, just telling him, like) here and now? There was no outrunning that, he was fucking struggling to keep pace already and there wasn't going to be a finishing line. Not until it finished them.* Deal with it then. *It was almost a whisper, the quiet murmur in stark contrast to his before. How quiet it seemed once he got himself to move further than the drinks cabinet, despite the fact he was basically blowing his life up, as he knew and wanted it. Then what, turning his back on the pieces? Yeah. He gave her a glare that said both 'don't wait up for me' and 'don't come after me', insisting with every step he took to the front door without looking back.* I ain't nothing but a selfish cunt, yeah? Looks like there's nothing left in common, sorry babe. Rio: *It wasn't like him to walk away. To not give her the chance to say her piece, and to say his back, and on and on until they resolved it, or got sick of arguing, basically. That's why it was so scary. Fucking terrifying. Meant to sit here and watch him walk out on her, yeah? Fuck that. Surprising herself with how able she was to move, able to shout and scream when just moments ago she could only just croak out a sentence. She wasn't fully aware of, or in control, of what she was saying, hence she was able to be so contradictory and not feel any shame in it.* Really? Really? You're fucking leaving me, now?! Fine, go then, fuck off, go on! *And in the same breath-* Buster, please, please don't! Come back, I'm sorry, I love you! Don't go! *Words and the sentiment behind them a rushed, panicked and angry mess, leaving her at the front door, shut in her face, him on the other side, God knows where. And God only knew if he was coming back for her, ever. Pressing her forehead on the cool glass, the slid down, 'til she was on her knees, a fucking sobbing state on the floor. Too late to pray now, girl.*

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

Text

Janis & Grace & Jimmy

Janis: Fucking Phones! *Janis shouts, her frustration kicked into overdrive, phone shotput at the nearest wall before she can think about it. If it wasn't broken before, like. Paces over to the shattered remains, not to cradle with regret, but to put the boot in further, stomping heavily on the useless hunk of junk 'til she's satisfied. Deep breaths were saved for AFTER the storm, not some pathetic vain attempt to stop the inevitable. She was well past that stage. Had she EVER been so naive to be at that stage? Had she ever tried to stop herself? What was the point? She knew how strong she was, how strong IT was, knew better than to get in her own way, like. As she was pondering what the fuck to do now, someone who had NEVER learnt to get out of the oncoming tide's way walked through the door. Oh, Gracie. How many times have you been left shattered on the floor? Stung to think about. Not just 'cos she'd got glass in her feet that needed dealing with. But first- Despite agreeing with Jim earlier, Janis knew her twin better, knew there was more to it. What she did not know was what to do about it. Whatever it was. Gulp. An olive branch disguised as you'd be doing me a favour. That'd have to do it.* Grace? Can I borrow your phone quick, like. *She gestured to the crime scene below her feet.* Grace: *She's a liar, concerned with only the promise that today the gym would be packed, and it was. Every lad who flexed to get girls had eyes for the ones they ranked before Grace walked in, and the girls that were above it, or faking that they were, locked onto their camera roll as they did their work out, looking at themselves, 'done with anyone else, honestly'. She took selfies herself, because without being focused on the insta numbers what did she have, a playlist that preached empowerment without giving her any? Tragic. Pathetic was all she felt next to them, solidarity wiped off her radar by the invisibility she needed and hated. Fuck the sisterhood. Mother nature's turned her back and over it without a 'thank you, next. There's more space at home for her than here. Beyond tragic. Still she goes there minus any juice or coffee stops, there's no craving that can touch how much she doesn't want to run into the growing list of people who she'd die if she had to deal with being around. Obviously she near collides with one of the first immediately because OH MY GOD she can't get a break right now. Coping with only being wanted for her phone is easier than expected though. Grace unlocks and hands it over wordlessly, keeping her attention on what is gestured and so #relatable.* Janis: *Janis nods her thanks, doing her level-best to pretend her sister, silent, wasn't a total headfuck; Wished for many a time but she'd never professed to being careful, had she? The tapping out of a quick text the only sound allowed to occupy the vast space between them. Allowing the awkwardness to grow, as if it could bridge the gap, Janis read his reply (received in record time, by the way) and made huge effort not to smile smugly because she REFUSED to be one of those girls, even though that had had the potential to unite her with her twin in the past, it felt like a bad move now. She wasn't one of those girls either. Not really Not deep down. And she certainly did not seem it nowadays. Oh how we have changed, my friend. She handed the phone back as silently as it had been given, intent on leaving it at that but, for some reason, words tumbling as thoughtless as the rain of violence had upon her own phone just moments ago, she just asked her.* Do you want to come out with us? We're not doing anything exciting, like. So you don't have to...But if a bit of normality sounds good, though; gotta walk the dogs and his brother and sister, run some errands up town. *She finishes lamely with a casual shrug, as if that took nothing, as if they always did this kinda thing. Before they did, but the past was a different place, a town they didn't occupy any more. Whether you thought that a tragedy (and Janis did think it that, too) or otherwise, it was what it was.* Grace: *This headfuck adds itself to the pile, leaving her again, clueless as to who the fuck she is. Grace had long been thinking it of her twin, before barista boy had moved in and got her shaken off from her sister totally, but it's pushed away whenever it enters her head and tries to shake up her own persona. No way and no time like. Until now that it had run out for her anyway. It doesn't matter what her mum said, over and over, she feels broken. And ashamed. And somehow, Janis knew that without knowing, offering her a pity hang to keep the vibe from leaving her alone. Obviously she could go off, hard, in the moment and get everyone else to leave her but what was the point if that's her only power? A pity party is the only one that'll be thrown for her these days, there's no choice but to cope with that. Later. After she's called Janis out in gestures and expressions that scream UGH and AS IF because too much has changed to let go of that. Even as she realises she's accepting, all 'thank god I showered and changed at the gym' crossing her mind and face.* Okay, Jan, no need to beg babes. *Grace fluffs her hair, smiling wide enough to hurt. Later too.* Gotta change my bag first like OMG, a dog that cute has just gotta come home with me. Unfair that your feed gets all of her when mine's the most poppin'. She's welcome. Janis: *Janis rolls her eyes but that action, so overused it went way beyond practiced into straight up muscle memory, was accompanied by a less usual smile. Small but conveying the too-big-and-awkward-to-mention idea that today, just this once, she would let shit slide. Still, it'd feel to alien for both if she let her twin get away with EVERYTHING, like. Sympathies SHOULD only stretch so far, otherwise who even were they?* Sure she'll be buzzin' for the fame, Grace. Just be quick about it, alright? I've already left 'em hanging long enough meself with the fecking phone dramas... *And the shower. And the actually taking longer than ten seconds to pick out somethin' decent to wear, somethin' he might like. Push that feeling down, along with the bile it caused. Don't think about it. Deal with it later. She busied herself in the kitchen, NOT like the proper little housewife the stupidity of giving a shit was mockingly making her feel, but by fishing out the promised leftovers for Twix, finding the sparklers, and chucking in some leftovers for the kids too, Holiday food still coming out their earholes here. Again she ignored the mocking voice from within, trying to be rational about it. It weren't like she gave a fuck like THAT, and not about Jim but if their dad was AWOL it was probably microwave meals and takeaway grub, the kiddos may as well have something decent to line their bellies, Lord knows her fam didn't need it. No sense wasting it. So there. Fuck you. Janis grabbed her house keys and chucked her new cropped hoodie over her outfit, untucking her curls and waiting by the door, foot tapping from impatience, nothing more, alright?* Grace: *Grace moves fast, not because she's feeling it herself but she knows Janis is and can't handle the fight, impatience so blatant to cause it that even without a twin connection that Jimmy would see it himself as quick. Her stomach twists painfully, the idea that no man will ever want her again resurfacing before it can be pushed back down. Her body flops down on her bed staying separate from her, face pressed into the tear-stained pillow until she has a reason for not being able to breathe. A small sound comes out, nothing else. The other girl will be charging up the stairs if she doesn't hurry so she forces herself up and does the switch, grabbing stuff she might need blindly. The 'who am I?' question throws itself out again but it's better than any Janis will ask otherwise. Grace reassures herself its her reasoning for no mirror check before walking away. * Janis: *The 'okay, let's do this' doesn't need to be vocalized (need or want? they're two very different beasts but let's both pretend we don't know otherwise), so it isn't. Quickly jostling out the door, matching pace on the short walk to the Grandparent's, like this was a two-step or a tango another dance that required two to- somehow keeping rhythm, keeping time, so well and so naturally between them it was like they'd never stopped being a double act. Now with Killer in tow, the truth that they had stopped being Graceandjanis, presented itself readily in the hugs and love she received and the awkward hellos and suspicious barks Grace did when they made their date. Janis couldn't very well push the kiddos away, no need to be that much of a cunt on anyone's behalf, her sister especially wouldn't thank her for it- but she converted Jim's into a one-arm handshake type hug affair; 'accidentally (who knew?) pushing her extended fist into his stomach with a 'whoops'. She withdrew, choosing to do what she knew how before anything else could be said or done or even thought.* Race ya to the swings! *It was a challenge for the entire group, fuck it, the dogs could get in on the action if they liked, just give a fucking distraction. Bobby hung back Grace too. Janis looked back, wondering if she should run back too, not leave her sister so soon but she found her legs continuing regardless, beyond her control. That was just how it was these days.* Grace: *She can breathe again, easily, of course she can, when they are walking side by side. Grace forgets until the park's in sight, reminding her hard enough to bring tears to her eyes. She blinks them away, refusing to be that girl, but the buggy's still there, being pushed in time with her own steps so close she can't help but remember how far away any of that is for her. Frantically she clutches her phone, acting out living a life where what the screen is showing her is something she cares deeply about knowing. The distraction can't last and doesn't. There they are, Jimmy and his brother, his sister keeping pace with a sniffing puppy, kicking her own toes against the ground. 'I feel you girl' she thinks, automatically despite having no idea what the girl's deal is and barely a grip on her own either. They all smile, waves and everything, but hers doesn't hurt now and won't tonight. None of this is real. She might as well not be here, that's not news anymore than Janis being gone again is, so why react to it? It's hard enough pretending to give them her usual vibes. The boy doesn't run when the rest do, sticking with her. What the fuck is she meant to do or say to that? She blinks again, breathing deep and he mirrors it. Too relatable. Horrible. If he starts sobbing she can't just stand there. No way. Janis would kill her. It'd look suss af even if she handled it well, a kid crying with nobody but her around to blame. Oh god. She can't do this. He's looking at her like she trod on his dog with her heels on, and hasn't stopped. Grace bends down to his level with another whispered 'hey, cutie', cussing herself for packing her bag on autopilot because she couldn't guarantee having anything he might like. At a loss she falls into old habits, asking him quietly if he wants to take a selfie. He shakes his head no first, until she pulls up all the best features her phone can offer, filters making him smile wider and wider as he skips through. He almost loses it when she makes herself into a singing dog emoji thing and insists loudly that she send it to his big sister's phone. She tells him to go ahead, all it takes to secure a friend for the afternoon apparently. Grace shakes her head, smiling without realizing it. He hasn't even found her games yet. Just you wait boy.* Jimmy: *It's been a headache getting them sorted, but the fresh air eventually clears it before it turns into more than a heaviness behind his eyes. Janis not having a phone, and the thought of him having to text Grace's more than once had him picking up the pace and the kids followed eagerly despite dragging their feet when he first told 'em to get a move on. Cass has no choice unless she was about Twix wrecking her Christmas trackies in all the excitement of her true love appearing and Bobby makes up his mind just as fast when he catches on too. The park or the cramped four walls of their living room, no contest, like. He was with them both there. #Buzzing he thinks with a smirk that's a grin until it's nothing. She pushes him away, forcing him to push himself to catch back up. He touches the chain of the swing just after she does, dogs at his heels, only moving aside so his sister can jump on (and off as soon probably, but go for it, Cass). No prizes for coming second. He looks over his shoulder for bobby, seeking him out, relaxing when he sees Grace with him. He's alright. Wish he could say the same, having lost.* Janis: *Janis took as much internal pleasure from the victory as she could get- not much, nothing if we're being real (we aren't). Empty as she felt, plenty of room, like; still, she found the silly little 'win' just as hollow. Still, could fake that that wasn't the case, throwing up loser signs as she raised her arms in 'triumph'. Being an arrogant cunt was a surefire way to keep people at a safe distance, that method beyond tried and tested now. 'Let's get this whole situation back to fakery, yeah?' Her every sane impulse urges, terror white hot, cornered animal scared, ready to lash out for her survival, (and his). 'Please, no. I'm not ready to stop this!' The part of her that burns with wanting him, loving- this, whatever 'this' was, begs, thick with need. Need was not allowed. Needing things just meant hurt and disappointment, every time. And Janis felt she had enough stacked already. Call her weak or a pussy for knowing she wasn't super-human, (not even human), for knowing her limits (Weak. Pussy.) Enough was enough, do what you do best already, and run; run so far ahead of him that all he's left with is your dust, not even memories, good or otherwise, to remember you by. Forget about it, kid. Ignoring Jim might be a task she was up for the challenge of but ignoring Twix proved near impossible, Janis patted the pup's head absent-mindedly, just to get her to calm down a bit, like. Working out what was wrong when she was met with manic sniffing, she dug around in her pockets and produced a bone. She tossed it lazily but it still flew a great distance through the air out into the open field. She then had the perfect excuse to casually follow after the running dog. So chill. So natural.* Jimmy: *He pushes Cass on the swing a few times, helping her get the speed up she needs to make the jump, but hard as he goes for it, it doesn't help. The only thing that's gonna is to sort out why Janis is being off with him. He asks himself first, thinking that since Grace was being uncharacteristically quiet too that was the answer. Being mad that Gracie has invited herself to tag along made sense but taking it out on him was a dickhead move like. Shrugging to convince any watching sisters that he didn't give a shit, he jogs over to where the two of them are, bending to annoy Twix 'cause that'll get to her most.* Gracie coming too town too? I see how it is, getting coffee when she knows her real faves on shift. None taken.* It's bollocks but going off for a smoke'll go down like a lead balloon with Bobby when he notices which means Cass getting pissed off at him when Janis already is. Instead he nods over to where his little brother is, still beside Grace. *We should get in on that, bet our selfie game's well stronger and you'd make a gorgeous bunny mate it has to be said. Janis: *Janis nudges him away from Twix as if the daft thing were hers and not at least part his, making a 'leave off' sound too.* Don't blame me if she goes for your ankles, like. I didn't teach her how to do that or nowt but you know, s'a bitch's prerogative. *She nods, not looking at him, eyes kept on the horizon, as if he were a stranger she was having a meaningless chat to about the weather whilst keeping an eye out for the bus still.* Yeah. Anything to get out the house though, init. *Said as if Grace was driving her as mad as two hyper kids, which usually wouldn't be a lie but currently her sister had about as much life in her as the Christmas tree they'd just chucked. She did her best to ignore the joke about the other baristas, 'cos at the end of the day it was one, it just didn't feel like it when her twin was in such a way. But even Janis couldn't pin that on the boy stood with her now, she had enough pride to not appear entirely irrational, like. She could, however, lower herself to an eye-roll at the equally as jokey suggestion.* Nah. Bobby's cuter. Besides, I'm so fucking sick of selfies. Jimmy: *He shakes his head exaggeratedly, smirking.* No chance. She's soft as. Lot of that going about.* Jimmy nudges Janis playfully. *Like trainer, like dog, don't they say? *Anything to get a reaction out of her that isn't this. 'Cause fucking hell he doesn't get it. They'd had a good day before, only better if he'd beat her at paintball too, and a decent night despite the actually mad amount of family she had for him to meet. This morning she'd been alright with him. Their normal. Until now. What the fuck had gone wrong? Panic makes his palms slick and he uses her nan's husky as means to destroy the evidence before she twigs it to be, patting the dog's head affectionately.* This one on the other hand, #savage. Twix, get taking those notes, hun. *He laughs, hating what it sounds like when it lands, but preserving. Why the fuck not. Might as well go one further he thinks, and does, acting like he'd been shot down by what's actually true as he raises his hands to demand a ceasefire before making a show of putting the phone away and patting his pocket. * You'll change your tune once that new model's in your hand. Janis: Fuck off! *She says, indignant, voice raised. Couldn't even help it, correct button pressed; well done, mate. Nail on head, the ease in which he could do it sickening, a punch in the guts. A warning sign. No, it wasn't. She just got angry, she was an angry person, that was all, nothing more to it. Now calm down. Calm the fuck down before you embarrass yourself further. 1 2 3- Fuck it. Janis snorts, again words out before she can help it. Before she can censor the shit he doesn't need to know. The shit she doesn't talk about. Ever. With anyone.* Yeah well, that's what happens when you're not raised- *Stopping herself before its too late, 'cos nope not going there, not today, not with him. She let him distract the both of them with his amateur dramatics, looking him up and down skeptically.* Not too late to join the drama club, you know. You need an outlet, mate. About as much as I need the newest iPhone and all its megapixels, like. *She does her own mime act, clicking an invisible camera at him.* Grace: *They are playing some brightly coloured tapping game together when his shyness of her wears off. The questions are easy at first, listing off the cats names as far back as she can remember when she tells him regretfully about not having a dog, counting on her fingers and using his when they run out. They are both laughing at the end of it and she continues after hearing his mum was allergic to dogs so they couldn't get Twix 'til she went. Way to own and finalise that separation Mr Taylor, Grace thinks. Such a mood. Janis would 100% approve. She looks over at her sister but her gaze won't linger long enough to be felt. Not now. It just can't. She can't go there. She asks him more about her, this mum who he insists is 'far away', letting him talk. He deserves to say anything he wants, in whatever sense her absence means to him. None of her family do and look at them all. There's a huge part of her desperate to join in, just have the words 'my sister Edie is gone too' come out, but she can't go there either. It isn't right. Not when she means dead and this kid is what, like 5? If her twin's ever shared that info with her she can't find it in the moment, like it matters. She's not gonna offload that on him. No way. Better to keep smiling and encouraging, at least he's thriving off it.* Jimmy: Calm it down! *His own tone stays playful, matching the smirk he doesn't dare to drop. Fuck him for forgetting his shades the one time he needs them for something that isn't posing, if anything in his face gives him away to her they aren't gonna make it to town, making him a peak dickhead. He nods at the next bit, letting her know how 'so relatable he finds it, like' as he looks over at Cass and Bobby both, wearing the 'don't I know it' on his face wearily. Joke's over there. Call it a raw nerve, or too much truth to shrug through.* Yeah. *Before his weariness can piss them both off he takes the out his given to keep this banter jokey. Hip Hip Hooray!* Countin' on it. Shame you've missed the deadline for being one of us art pricks. You'll always have the 'gram though. #blessed. Janis: *'Great' Janis thinks to herself, sinking further into the regret consuming her every thought and action today as she realizes, (or at least presumes), he picked up on the dead sister vibes and now feels awkward as arse. Well done, dickhead. It wasn't as if she could plead ignorance, four years gone had taught them all that other people were crap with dealing with the death conversation. No one wanted the reminder. Least of all them, to be honest. Had to seep into everything, didn't she? Never any good at staying gone. Fuck you, Edie. Janis swallowed following his gaze to Cass and Bobby, taking the time to check up on her sibling too. Nothing, she tells herself, she feels nothing. Fuck them all. Its the blisteringly cold wind making her eyes water, that's all. She grunts in response, hardly worth it but it was all she had to give, not sorry about it. Sorry. She walks on in silence, throwing things for the dogs, shouting out commands, doing her best to disguise the cracks in her voice as a sore throat and nowt else. In the spirit of throwing a bone, she attempts to say something real, give him anything to work with. Purely 'cos this was boring, like. If they were gonna be wasting their afternoon regardless, yeah?* Let's play a game. You have to answer every question truthfully and straight away, like, if you don't you lose your chance to ask a question back. Meaning I get to go again or you pussy-out fully and call game over then you lose. Got it? I'll even let you go first, gracious victor that I am. Jimmy: *He doesn't know what to do when he sees it in her eyes any more than when he does in his sister's. The fight. He knows what he wants to do, every damn time, but he knows what it'll earn him from Janis. Same as Cass near enough. A smack or a strop off. He's had plenty of the first, naturally, but the second has him frozen in place. He sees it in his head, Janis stepping back as he moves forward and can't bear the maybe like. He breathes out hard, forcing it until he coughs. By the time he has his shit together, it's done. Chance missed for him to go for asking 'why are you being so off with me?' Thank fuck, 'cause honestly he knows the answer, doesn't he? She's fed up now they aren't faking it. He shouldn't hold blame, state of him, but it's there. For himself mostly, thinking she'd be any different. Nobody stays. Give her a few years and Cass'd be off to, looking for better. Bobby after some more. Still, he trails along, trying to be wrong. Needing to be. He feels it when he kisses her, more than his desperation, and if it exists, he can keep on to it. So he gets a grip now, sorts himself enough to be properly back next to her. Grins when he is, 'cause there it is. A new chance. Fucking hell. Jimmy nods. * Yeah okay. *He catches her eye, challenging her to back down already but bricking it that she might. What would he do then? He nudges her, the contact meaning more to him than the casual gesture lets anyone else know. He tries, ready to lose if needs be. * What's up with you then? Janis: *Janis resists the urge to pull a face, an 'of all the questions' kind of look, 'cos obviously that's the entire point of the game and she was the one who started it so- man up, like. She opts for the classic 'is that it?' look instead, faking out on her answer not being an option (she wouldn't do that to him) but she could at least front some bravado before answering truthfully. She leaned into his nudge as if to prove to herself otherwise as she said-* I'm scared. *A shrug, again, as if to counteract her words. She also fought the urge to ask what was wrong with him too, settling on an easier question, but one she'd still care to know the answer to.* How many girls have you slept with? Jimmy: *There's so many questions that come to mind when she gives her answer but it isn't his turn and honestly, if it was, he's scared too. More than a bit. Probably more than she is, truthfully. 'Cause the feeling is too strong to be alone in, he's about to let her know she isn't, by reaching for her hand and squeezing but there's no time for that. She takes her go, digging at him less than expected. Jim hides his surprise with a snort, shaking his head. 'What are you like?' that gesture implies, but he's bothered more about the state of himself, hiding behind all this bollocks again. He returns the shrug she gave him, easy as. She already knows about Skerries. There's no mystery despite what they all seemed to believe when he arrived as a newbie * 2. I had a girlfriend at home before. Ages go. * He shoots her a look, hopefully unreadable.* That scare you more or less? Janis: *She nods. Honestly, pleased, just a hint of a smile gracing her face. Yeah, yeah, yeah that shit shouldn't matter and it didn't, like; when you were on level-pegging, her bitterness told her, even if Jim's number was low, hers was always gonna be lower, wasn't it? Still, there was only one honest answer to his question. Didn't even compare, like.* Less. *Janis was tempted to ask him why he was wasting questions but she would be doing the same in-turn so, nah. She let herself think for slightly longer than last time, working out how best to play this. Interesting enough to keep him playing but not coming out with the real scary shit 'cos that'd have him quitting even faster if she went there with no warming him up, like.* Why'd you not wait to find a real girlfriend here? Jimmy: *He laughs, it's her directness that does it. Yeah that's the point of the game but she's there shamelessly #buzzing by his 'revelation.' It's the first time he's done something right since they got here and he can't help smiling himself. Finally not a smirk. Cheers, mate. He stops himself shrugging yet again, in case that feels like a step back, though for real, he could care less about this question. He'd never lied about his lack of interest or any of that. Still wasn't. * I didn't want one. *Until he did. And here they are. Scary shit. It's better to focus on the game, something he can ask while still playing safe enough to keep going. What then? Come on, dickhead. There's a part of him, also from ages ago apparently, that wants to blurt out something about that cunt Harry she kept kissing, the jealousy existing, making him feel shitty. Reminding him he is, like. His smile fades. Can't keep anything, can he? *Why me when you could've just told your haters about other school Harry and left it at that? He loved boasting about the two of you, he'd have been enough. Janis: *Janis stuck her middle finger up but she joined in the laughter all the same, 'cos not would give her away more than she already had and she couldn't have that. Just let him think she was a jealous girl or whatever had him cracking up. 'Cos surely she hadn't let him close enough that he could actually know what was up, had she? She considered his answer as she stressed over her own. Guess he hadn't...But why now? What had changed? Was they really still just mates, but with benefits, like? Was that all he waiting for? Oh wait, stupid bitch, YOU have to answer first. And that is way more than your allotted one question per turn. And just much too much in general. Calm it. And answer before you look any weirder.* 'Cos he weren't my boyfriend. Ever. Anyone can get a lad like that to get off with them, didn't really prove anything. Besides, I wanted to help you, like. I dunna why. Sue me. *She pokes her tongue out, turning to face him, walking backward as she asks her next. Changing tact, 'cos she's not sure if she can actually handle knowing the answers to all the questions she'd posed in her head.* Do you really hate it here? Jimmy: *It doesn't seem like she's gonna answer at first, but instead of feeling good about another victory to his name, it just lets in all the shit waiting there in his own head to fill in the blanks. He's heard and told a load to piss off before she gives hers. It's nowt he didn't proper know by himself but there's comfort in how she says 'ever' as a fuck you. Fuck off Harry you prick. The feeling only builds when she gets walking like that, reminding him of Jaden's party. He'd never wanted to stop kissing her that night. Still didn't. Same finality. 'Cause yeah, right now he didn't ever. There it was. So when he shakes his head it's no pisstake. Banter's the furthest thing from the gesture and he let's his face show it. Just for now, like. * Nah, I hate that them two do, but not me. *He looks over at his siblings, Bobbin's taken Cass' place on the swings now but she's stayed nearby, phone out, snapping him. Do it for the 'gram, he can't help thinking, an affectionate smile lingering as he looks back at his girlfriend. *You? Wish you'd kept running when you did one from school and me like? Janis: *Back to nodding again, following the direction of his gaze and topic of conversation, 'cos she gets it. Without second-guessing and stopping herself with 'well their situation is probably worse' type of thoughts, she just lets it come out. The first thing she's ever said to him about Edie. The first time she's spoken about her in a long time, except to tell Grace she's glad she's dead, and that she wished she were too, of course. Standard.* We haven't always lived here, either...Lived lots of places for Mum's job and just 'cos. Ireland was barely Home for the older lot; when we came back my sister Edie hated it so fucking much. Not exciting enough, I guess. Or she liked people not knowing us the rest of the places, unlike here... *She trails off red-faced. Shrugging for cover as always.* What I mean is, probably the exact opposite for them two. Not enough people know 'em. We could change that. Introduce them to the unwashed mass of my lot. They will get more comfortable, you know... *Again the trail-off 'cos why the fuck was she offering up useless platitudes like he was a total idiot? Jesus. Distract with your answer time, bitch. As if that would diffuse the tension any. HA.* Kind of...but nah, not really, 'cos its just the people and their talk and the good and bad memories and all the ghosts, init? No matter the destination, all that shit follows so- It ain't really Dublin's fault. Just nice to take a break sometimes. *She smiles, hoping it'll just be taken as a reference to always having Skerries or some shit, and not the fact that being with him felt like a break, wherever they were. Don't need to scare him off THAT hard. And not yet. Fuck a good decision. For now.* What about you, why'd your Da move yous here? Jimmy: *It's his turn to nod dumbly then, 'cause he gets it, Edie's (supposed) feeling. It's what he likes best about this city, that even when his (supposed) new boy shine wears off, there's still much none of them know about him. Won't. He can breathe here for that, a bit, and does until he's reminded of the limits by Janis says after. She isn't wrong. Here he isn't the lad whose mum vanished, but he still is. Always will be, unless she does some magic fucking reappearing act, and how likely is that? It isn't doable, he tells himself so every damn night and for good reason. But Janis isn't wrong about what Cass and Bob need either. It isn't fair for him to keep them shut in this tight circle knowing that they can't keep their mouths shut. Why should they? They're just kids and its their normal, bound to feel like the kind of shit chatted about over the school lunch table. His hands shove themselves deep in his pockets not knowing what else to do. He wants a smoke bad but isn't far enough away from the park yet. Won't get to be. This is why they're here like. Shit. * Yeah. *It's all he has to say, barely able to look at her as is. Lifting his head back to her level is a bigger challenge than he can rise to now. Loser. Fuck. More than anything else he wants to ask her for a break, demand it, but he can't. Janis hit right on how there's no escaping this. He sighs, pulling his hood up. If she thinks he's only keeping the cold out then he'll take that, if not, he'll handle it when. Fuck it. There's only so much trying Jimmy can do today. * He got fired. Wanted a fresh start then.* He shrugs. All true. He doesn't believe if lying by omission or any of that bollocks. She didn't ask why he was sacked. Why a fresh start had to be so drastic. Those are other questions, ones he's not about to answer come to that.* We goin' down town or what? Janis: *That was it. Game over. Before she even had tie to register his answer he was sick of giving it. His hood and guard back up. Sighing with it too. Oh, how Janis wished it made HER mad. What she wouldn't give to feel that familiar friend close to her right now, to take comfort in its arms when he was shutting her out. But of course not, of course fucking not. Couldn't even have that, could she? All she felt was desperation, desperate to be let back in, to know what she did wrong so she could avoid doing it again, and it made her feel fucking sick. At least the nausea gave her valid reason to spit on the ground.* Can't be bothered now, don't matter, you lot still go if you wanna. *She fumbled in her hoodie pocket for Killer's lead, whistling him over so she could get the fuck out of here, NOW. Of course, Twix came bounding and the oblivious husky didn't. Great.* Good girl, Twix... *She mumbled, giving her some love and a treat, wishing the ground could swallow her whole.* Jimmy: *He starts walking back toward the swings, knowing it'll take ages to get both of them ready to go, longer than Janis is gonna stick around for definitely. Jimmy keeps his gaze there, Twix'll move when Cass does and there and then, if she didn't he didn't give a shit. There's no room for it. He's only filled up with how badly he's fucked this when the answer comes and a question won't follow. His sister starts mouthing off when he makes it clear they're off home but a look sorts it. Gotta leave before he's left, sorry. Cass gets Bobby and Twix with her, which should make him feel worse but there's no room for that either. Not yet. One for later like. The two them say their goodbyes, Bobby gives hugs to both twins. He doesn't. Can't if it's the last. There's nowt to do but this.* Probs text you, Gracie. *He's aiming for a joke, without waiting for it to land. Any answers. It's too much, being fake again. Especially like this.* Janis: *Even though she's the one who said it, AND she was the one who started to pack up first, when he just walks away, without so much as a glance back, nevermind a goodbye, it's like a punch in the face. (Don't you know by now I don't mean it? Dickhead)* Oi! *She pushes past him, letting the shout sail over his head like it wasn't even a little bit aimed at him, rushing up to Cass to give her the bag of goodies she'd foraged.* Enjoy, yeah? *Saying her Goodbyes to both kid's as if her and Jim already had, nothing to see here. Janis grits her teeth, poor excuse for a good-humored smile to match his worse attempt at a joke. Have her, if that's what you really want, just cut me off 'cos I can't keep hanging on your every word, Jimmy Taylor. She says nothing, figuring she can let her twin, like she used to. Feeling that unnecessary and unwanted again.* Grace: *Grace has no idea what's happening, beyond the obvious. The tragic. She was in her own world until Jimmy came through, a world where she could deal with being around these kids 'cause they're older and Cass reminds her of Gus which hurts, but in the old way, one she's learned to cope with. This new pain is too new to try and deal. It takes everything not to cry when she hears a newborn doing that. She's hates it, being back to being this lost, a hopeless saddo again, so obviously latches onto the tension surrounding her twin and the barista. She can't fix it, can't even really put her finger on the vibe, but it's enough that it isn't hers. A distraction she can sit in. Drama that can never be as deep as the one her body's done on her.* Oh, you're going. Cool. Laters then, babes. Hope I'll see you around, cutie. * She smiles wide at Bobby, a better fake than Janis can ever be. *No offense, Jimmy.* The laugh sounds real. Only the kids give her something back, but it's for them she does it, not wanting what her sister is gonna dish out in this mood. And if looks could kill, the boyfriend's could have them all in the ground. No fucking thanks. Off you go, boy, bye.* Jimmy: *He waves both twins off as if they're on equal footing suddenly like. Funny fucker he is. Even more of a twat. He keeps going, lighting up as he does, every word Cass might say about it blocked out before it gets out. Enough. It's this or worse, sorry. The kids start bickering as they round the corner, taking out the bullshit he'd started and let seep out on each other when they can't reach him. Jimmy feels like handling it like he's younger than Bobby's age, throwing himself to the floor and sobbing for a bit. There's no getting rid that easily though. Not for him. Janis was the lucky one there. Shame she didn't feel it, but it was too late for him to do anything about that. She wasn't even in sight anymore. Fuck knows when she next would be. He couldn't think of school starting when tomorrow was too far. Too much. He rubs his eyes, ready to call it tiredness but nobody was there to issue a challenge. Fuck.* Janis: *Janis turns on her heel, without acknowledging him again (not hard when all she can think to do is knock him out or beg at his feet, neither of those an option she could live with), but its cheapened by the fact he did it first, and meant it. She prays the walk Home can be as shrouded in sweet silence as the walk here was. For her sake this time. But as they walk on, further and further away from him, she starts to wish Grace would say something, ANYTHING! She needed the distraction from her own thoughts, the ones that had got her in this mess in the fucking first place! Differences aside, even her twin was better company.* Did you wanna go up-town, like? We still can... *She shrugs. What else does she have to say or offer right now?* Grace: *The walk back doesn't feel anything like the one going, they are in step, yeah, but it means nothing 'cause they're both so in their own 'drama'. She nearly tells her sister, at least part of it, as an excuse for why she's being this 'ugh' (none of these stupid, basic words fit, but they are what she automatically reaches for), feeling she owes her that, knowing Janis would be down for her being a bitch over giving her nothing to kick back against. None of the words will come out though. Of course. Only more of her usual kinda convo stuff will. She's that bitch now. Shadowing her former self. God, it's even more pathetic than anything she'd tried to pull on her twin. But it fits, and she flips her hair, turning to the other with a smile which doesn't come as easy but she forces herself to wear anyway. *Well, girl, you still need a phone. Even if just to tell him to fuck off when he tries blowing mine up. Janis: *She's looking down at their feet; looking anywhere else, a risk. She nods, allowing a small 'true' chuckle to follow too. Janis raises her head, straightening her back and standing up taller. She groans as she cracks her bones and stretches out her arms and legs like she's warming up for something. Too little too late, perhaps? God damn.* Fuck this shit, Gracie. Fuck.This.Shit. *She doesn't even know fully what her sister's shit is yet but she feels confident in sending it to Hell with her own.* What are we gonna do, eh? Grace: *She whispers it herself, 'fuck it' so soft, but so 'fire'. (Another word than couldn't touch how things were) It felt good to have it out of her. More than that, feeling connected to her twin again (bad as she felt for thinking it under these conditions, god she was such a bitch.) was even better. A more genuine smile is offered up while she thinks of what she can say, tapping her nails against denim. *We're going to town, sister, and owning the rest of this day. New phone, new clothes, whatever we want. Fuck it. Janis: *Janis smiles back, as genuine.* Fuck it. Let's do this.

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