#but he was a teenager who was suffering from the very real disease of being 15(more or less) w a fat crush on his teacher

[lomlompurim]

Aside from the "running around the peak with a boner bc you are escaping your shizun/crush who is chasing after you for every disciple to see" that Binghe did in his disciple days, what other cringy or embarrasing things you headcanon that he did or would think to do in his disciple era?

#svsss #人渣反派自救系统 #luo binghe #I mean there must be a limit probably or else he would be risking a lot to get caught #and he says he wasn't that bold at that age #but he was a teenager who was suffering from the very real disease of being 15(more or less) w a fat crush on his teacher #so I dont expect him to be like very normal about it #rambling to distract myself bc is hell here in my country rn

[youremyheaven]

Shatabhisha & The Rahuvian Urge to Lie

In the light of several of you guys telling me about your experiences with Shatabhisha nakshatra natives who were pathological liars and overall terrible people. I thought I'll do my research 🤪😌and what I found astounded me.

Shatabhisha is ruled by the planet Rahu, which is known for its mysterious and unconventional nature. Rahu is associated with the shadow, the unknown, and the supernatural. In Vedic astrology, Rahu represents desires, ambitions, and illusions. It can bring both good and bad results, depending on its placement and the overall horoscope. Therefore, the lord of Shatabhisha can bring a mix of energies and influences, such as intuition, creativity, eccentricity, and spiritual growth, but also confusion, deception, and hidden enemies.

Shatabhisha is the final concluding Rahuvian nakshatra and I feel like the concluding nak of each planet is the most extreme manifestation of its energies but also the point where it transcends beyond itself.

Shatabhisha is associated with the deity Varuna, the god of cosmic and moral order. Varuna is also linked to water, emphasizing the purification aspect of this nakshatra. The connection with a thousand flowers signifies the blossoming of spiritual potential. Varuna (god of the rains/ cosmic & terrestrial waters, sky and earth). also, the mystical healer and the lord of “maya” or illusions. varuna is also sometimes referred as the “dark sun”, he influences the west direction and is active after sunset.

Given that the deity of Shatabhisha is the Lord of Illusions/Maya and Rahu is itself a shadow planet associated with deception, lies and illusions, its no wonder that these natives are often prone to lying.

Pathological lying is defined as "the compulsive urge to lie about matters big and small, regardless of the situation."

SZA, Shatabhisha Moon, Vishaka Sun is known for being a pathological liar

Here is a video exposing her lies. Tbh SZA lies about things that are so unnecessary and obvious??? she once said that BTS ignored her at an event when there's video proof of them interacting and hugging each other 😭😭She has lied about her real hair, fake freckles, her age, used to say she was a marine biologist, being allergic to fruit & more. It’s mostly little lies that literally don’t even make sense why she is even lying about it.

I feel like being dishonest is a broadly Nodal trait (no offence u guys lmao) and SZA's chart is dominated by Nodal naks. She has Venus in Mula, Mars in Swati, Jupiter in Ardra to make matters worse she has Ketu in Ashlesha (Ashleshas can be hella manipulative) and Vishaka Sun & Mercury (Vishaka is a rakshasa gana nak which means these natives are veryy self serving)

Jameela Jamil, Shatabhisha Sun, Ketu in Swati

Tbh I can't keep track of everything Jameela has lied about because she lies a lot. Here's an article that goes into it. She has a thing for claiming she has suffered from or is currently suffering from a ton of different illnesses (mercury poisoning, celiac disease, a rare tissue disorder, a breast cancer scare, she's deaf in one ear, severe peanut allergy etc) and just a ton of other sketchy stuff in general lol

Halsey, Swati Rising & Mercury (She also has Hasta Sun)

Halsey has always claimed to be half black when in reality she is 1/4th black (her dad is half black), she allegedly suffers from Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, Sjogren's syndrome, Mast Cell Activation Syndrome, POTS etc i don't want to speculate about someone's health but whenever someone talks about having more than 2 serious chronic conditions, it just feels hella sus??? She said she was kicked out of her house as a teenager by her parents but someone who went to highschool with her apparently exposed her saying that wasn't true and that she left on her own to pursue music. Halsey also claimed to have been some sort of edgy misfit outcast in highschool and the same person said she was actually pretty popular and was very good at Art

Victoria Beckham, Venus conjunct Jupiter in Shatabhisha and Ardra Rising

She is certainly not the only one who has tried to convince us that her chest looks the way it does because of a push-up bra. But Victoria Beckham overdid it with her lies. She had been denying for years that she had undergone surgery for a breast augmentation. But then, one sunny day in July 2009, she slipped up. It happened before an L.A. Dodgers baseball game, where Victoria was given the honor of throwing the first pitch. She walks off the field, and says loudly in her mic that she is a bit worried her pitch would displace her implants. Boom! The truth was out! Her D-cups remained intact, but the damage to her reputation was done. Some years later, the former Spice Girls member had a reduction, and she now claims she regrets of having had the surgery in the first place. She also very recently claimed she grew up super working class when its pretty much public knowledge that she's from a vvv wealthy background (her nickname is literally Posh Spice?? like girl???)

Taylor Swift, Ardra Moon, Ketu in Ashlesha

This has turned into one of the biggest social media scandals in Hollywood in the past decade. It all started with the notorious line in Kanye West’s song Famous: ‘I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex/Why? I made that b**ch famous”. Swift’s reaction to these derogatory lyrics was …well… swift and brutal. She complained about being victimized by West and him taking the credit for her success. But then the Invincible Kim took matters into her hands. She broke the internet by posting a Snapchat video of a conversation between Swift and West, in which Swift was saying she had no problem with the lyrics. That was a huge blow as Swift had been whining for weeks about how she had insisted on being “excluded from the narrative.” Sister, if you really wanted to be excluded from the narrative, you should have said that first thing when the rapper called you to ask for your consent!

She also acts like some country gal when her dad is a stockbroker and she grew up on like a 200 acre farm and had her career handed to her lol

I feel like Nodal girlies love to play victim, along with Moon dominants & Ashleshas

Tyga- Ashlesha Moon conjunct Ketu

He grew up in a rich family in LA but claimed to be from the 'hood lol

Robert Pattinson- Ardra Moon

He has admitted that he lies all the time in interviews lol tbh its kinda funny

Here's an article about it. my fav bit is the one time he lied about hating the circus because he saw a clown die as a kid lmfao

Grimes, Shatabhisha Mercury

Grimes lied about throwing a snowball at Queen Elizabeth II's motorcade when she was visiting Vancouver. Somebody pointed out that on that day there was no snow in the city, so it was impossible for her to make a snowball, let alone throw one.

 She lies about bizarre things that she doesn't even need to bring up. Like, telling Rolling Stone magazine she had to get over her fears and conceive X by having unprotected sex and letting Elon cum inside her. Later, the Isaacson book proved it was IVF 🤡🤡

She has also been accused of having lied about being homeless in the past

Lana Del Rey- Ardra Sun

There is an old interview with some guy who studied with her and he said she used to lie all the time lol It was really interesting to see someone in her inner circle kinda reflect on that. His name is Ron Pope. He said

“Actually, I knew her in New York many, many years ago, when she was still going by her real name, Lizzy Grant. And I thought that she was endlessly fascinating, because she was always kind of expressing herself by being a character. She would tell you a story and you're like, "I don't think that's true, but I don't care."

Well, after we were introduced, she told me that she grew up in Arkansas in a trailer park, and was raised by her grandmother. But I'd already known that she was from a family of means in New York. So I was just like, "Huh, you don't say, Arkansas, trailer park." But it was like being around a performance artist. It's not like they're a pathological liar or something, they're just a person creating a character.”

Lana lied about her age at the beginning of her career and to this day she says she grew up poor and is "white trash" when she went to a private boarding school as a teenager ???

Lady Gaga, Swati Moon conjunct Ketu

Gaga once told that she was bullied in school to the point of being thrown into a trash can because she was "eccentric and theatrical", when in fact she went to one of the most expensive schools in New York (which makes unlikely that something like this would go that far).

There was a bit that she claimed her aunt possessed her and wrote a poem, which she showed to her fans on live stream; someone googled that poem and found it online.

When Amy Winehouse died, Lady Gaga told a reporter she couldn't speak a thing for 48 hours.

When recording the scene where Maurizio is killed, the only thing that went through her mind was "What did I do?"; also, she claims that she spoke with Italian accent for 6 months after the footage was finished.

Kylie Jenner, Ashlesha Sun, Swati Moon

she lied about not getting plastic surgery for yearssss, claiming she just gained weight or whatever lol

Sara Ali Khan, Ashlesha Sun, Shatabhisha Moon

She's descended from royalty on her father's side, her mother comes from a very influential family, both her parents are successful actors, she went to fkn Columbia University for her undergrad yet she claims to be a "normal middle class girl" and says that she does not pay for mobile roaming cause its too expensive?? 😩😂and she is known for her PR stunts lmao, just a few days ago she was "spotted" helping underprivileged people when its sooo obvious that she called the paps to film her lmfao

Zayn Malik, Shatabhisha Venus & Rising

When Zayn Malik quit One Direction, he claimed it was so that he could shy away from the spotlight and lead a normal life. I don't know about you, but most 22-year-olds aren't releasing solo albums. Considering Malik debuted his first solo track only a week after leaving the band, it appears as though he lied about the reason for leaving. Especially since he's released a lot of solo music. In an interview with Billboard, he came clean about One Direction not being what he expected. So, I guess he just got fed up with the boy band life, huh? He could've just been honest from the beginning, though. 

Steve Rannazzisi, Ardra Sun & Moon, Venus in Ashlesha atmakaraka

The League actor Steve Rannazzisi lied about being in the World Trade Center on 9/11. He originally had an elaborate story about that tragic day prompting him to pick up and move to Los Angeles to pursue his comedy dreams. But in September 2015, Rannazzisi said:

I was not at the Trade Center on that day. I don't know why I said this. This was inexcusable. I am truly, truly sorry.

As he says himself, this is a pretty "inexcusable" lie. I will say, though, at least he came clean about it. When it comes to honesty, better late than never.

Galileo Galilei- Shatabhisha Sun, Ashlesha Rising

Galileo was more convinced that Earth revolves around the sun. This led to his trial in 1616. Galileo obeyed the church order to end all discussion on the matter. But after 16 years, he published a book that the Catholic Church could not accept at the time.

I thought I should include him because this is such a huge example of telling the truth?? even at great personal odds?? imagine being the one to stand up to the goddamn church in an era where everyone was convinced the sun revolved around the earth lol??

it goes to show that not everyone with certain placements will turn out to be liars and deceivers.

Kurt Gerstein- Shatabhisha stellium, Saturn, Ketu and Rising

Kurt Gerstein was a deeply contradictory figure, who's life and work bear examination as an example of how a deeply flawed person can still try to do admirable things.

Born to a virulently authoritarian and later aggressively pro-Nazi father, he grew up in strongly ultranationalist circles. At university, at his father's behest, he joined a far right student association/fraternity.

At the same time, he became involved with the Confessing Church, an organisation dedicated to fighting back against Nazi influence in the Protestant churches, who's membership included a number of prominent German resistance figures. He spent a small amount of time in prisons and in camps for distributing anti-Nazi material, but his father's influence allowed him to escape serious punishment.

In 1941, he joined the SS, in his own words "acting as an agent of the Confessing Church." Shortly beforehand he discovered his sister in law had been murdered as part of what we know as Aktion-T4, the genocide of the mentally ill and physically disabled. His plan was to get inside, find whatever evidence of crimes and atrocities he could, and get them published for all the world to see.

Due to his experience in pest control and water purification, he was made head of the subsection of the SS responsible for supplying Zyklon B, an industrial rat poison, to a variety of sites in Poland. When he asked what the obscene quantities of poison gas could possibly be being used for, he was invited to witness the camps himself.

He attempted to tell the world of what he had seen at Belzec and Treblinka, telling a Swedish diplomat, a Swiss diplomat, A Dutch resistance man, and anyone else he could get his hands on, but nobody really took notice.

He spent years trying to get the story out, until in 1945 he surrendered to a French officer, telling him everything in the hope that his testimony could be used to prosecute senior Nazis and camp officials. He was given a hotel room and a typewriter and told to write his report.

After he was done, he was treated as a war criminal and transferred to a military prison where he was found hanged in his cell, likely driven to suicide by what he viewed as the final failure of his task.

After his death, his report has continued to be used as one of the definitive accounts of the Holocaust, being used in the Nuremberg Trials, the Eichmann trial, and the trial of David Irving.

Once again, it is possible to have these placements and still tell the truth and stand up for the truth. our birth chart reveals our natural tendencies, what we must do is rise above them. and contrary to popular belief, we can rise above our nature.

I hope this was interesting xx

#astrology notes #vedic astro notes #sidereal astrology #astrology observations #nakshatras #astrology #vedic astrology #astro observations #astro notes #astroblr #jyotish #rahu #shatabhisha

[onewholivesinloops]

people saying wonder egg priority’s momoe is good trans rep offends me on a personal level because i STILL can’t grasp what her deal is even supposed to be. the trans boy isn’t either imo btw. he gets the most brutal backstory and his inclusion is very questionable when the whole egg thing is about girls so there’s nothing that justifies that other than the fact that he’s afab which IS blatantly transphobic. momoe’s thing is made even more confusing with all of the trans imagery (her bra literally being the flag and revealing itself when she comes to terms with herself had to have meant something) so is the egg system transphobic or not?? i feel like it only makes sense to read her as cis considering afab people are what count going by the track record, and she struggles with femininity and girls flirting with her (which is lowkey homophobic to me bc it implies sapphics will jump on any gnc girl) but this makes the trans imagery with her very weird. it’s like they associate her with specifically the trans colors several times during pivotal scenes only to throw in the trans boy counting as an egg so it's VERY muddled what they wanna go for...

being a cis woman who’s mistaken for a boy due to being gnc isn't a bad idea for a character concept, and i like the idea of her finding comfort and genuine love with a trans man who can relate to her experience. it's just SO dumb they go out of their way to code her as trans in the process of this, and not to mention the misery porn that ends up being the boy's storyline (the suffering in the show lowkey feels very fetishy especially when you look at the writers’ background i found out the main writer wrote a bunch of torture porn soap operas featuring teenage girls from this video and while i don’t think this subject matter is something that can’t ever be discussed and explored the show is so set on being miserable especially with him in particular), the aforementioned weird undertones of how girls treated momoe and the system just casually being transphobic with no real focus put on that. the system in general is miserable and fucked up and as much as i’d like to give it the benefit of doubt in that it’s the intent i don’t think the narrative thinks the gender essentalism and transphobia parts of it are actual flaws because there’s no real focus on that.

i also think the trans boy shouldn’t have been an egg character in the first place. he should’ve been a real world one. i can see the idea of a corrupt sexist and transphobic system that exploits the mental health of little girls using a trans boy for their experiments done well if it’s called out for what it is, but that’s never the case in the show at any point and it’s not something i trust these writers to tackle well. also don’t get me started on that suicide thing in episode 4 where acca and ura-acca go “women and men’s suicides mean different things; men are goal-oriented and women are emotion-oriented, and women are impulsive and easily influenced”. this misogyny and gender essentialism is, again, never called out or addressed so it’s hard to read this as anything but what the narrative and the writers believe/don’t think is an issue lol...

don’t even get me started on frill because idek what that robot girl’s point is even supposed to be. she’s even more nonsensical than momoe’s thing. the suicide disease or whatever the hell it was is the cherry on top that makes the show even more offensive because on top of condemning the girls for their suffering it feels like it’s also taking away their agency which is very dehumanizing.

#sorry for this rant something reminded me of wep's existence and i've been bottling this in for a while so i needed to let it out LOL #gamo.txt

[nitrateglow]

Thoughts on a bunch of movies I saw recently

I haven’t posted much about what I’ve been watching, so here are some reviews.

Valley of the Dolls

This movie was sold to me as a campy mess and to be honest, that description is not inaccurate... but is it weird that the film actually moved me at points? Am I insane? Maybe.

The plot follows three young women in show business: good girl Anne (Barbara Parkins), who goes from secretary to model; the tragic Jennifer (Sharon Tate), a kind-hearted but talentless chorus girl who views her body as her sole value; and of course Neely (Patti Duke), the ruthless singing superstar with a passion for “dolls”-- that is, barbiturates. The stuff of soap opera ensues: love triangles, husbands with rare, incurable diseases, backstage backstabbing, affairs, etc.

The style is strange: director Mark Robson shoots this sleazy story as though it were a 1950s prestige picture, which somehow makes the material seem even more tawdry than it already is. The dialogue has some real corkers-- my favorite is, “SPARKLE NEELY SPARKLE,” belted out by Patti Duke in her ever-controversial hamfest of a performance. Or the wig in the toilet scene which is... well, I don’t want to spoil that insanity for you.

But in-between the cheese and the sleaze, there are weirdly affecting moments. Two stood out for me: one is when Anne returns home after a long period, reuniting with her down-to-earth family, and the other involves Jennifer’s awful fate. It’s so weird that this disaster actually has emotional scenes that work... but that’s what makes Valley of the Dolls so interesting.

The Fabelmans

I regret not seeing this movie in the theaters, because WOW. It’s so fantastic-- the acting, the direction, everything.

If you’re unaware, this is basically a thinly veiled autobiography of Steven Spielberg’s childhood and teenage years, when he developed a passion for filmmaking and dealt with his parents’ strained relationship. It’s a slow movie, more character-driven than anything, but it was so well-handled. The characters were three-dimensional and the emotional situations felt authentic.

A lot of people describe The Fabelmans as being about the power of movies, and while that’s true, I was more moved by the film’s depiction of that point in your life when you realize your parents are not all-knowing demigods but human beings with dreams independent of their parental roles and failings that don’t make them evil but simply all too vulnerable and human.

Also the scene where David Lynch shows up as John Ford is freaking hilarious. And the advice he gives about composition is actually very good advice.

Magic

I first heard about this movie from a YouTube video and from the moment I realized it was going to be a creepy puppet movie with Anthony Hopkins, I was sold. Hopkins plays Corky, a struggling magician who makes it big when he incorporates a foul-mouthed dummy into his act. The act gets attention from a television network, but the requirement that Corky submit to a medical exam, he balks and runs off to his remote hometown. It turns out Corky suffers from mental illness, relying on his dummy Fats as a kind of alternate personality, and he’s afraid of being exposed.

Back home in the Catskill Mountains, Corky reunites with his high-school sweetheart (Ann Margret), an unhappily married woman looking for sympathy. The two start an affair, which upsets Fats. And when Corky’s agent (Burgess Meredith) tracks him down, well... things get homicidal.

This is a great slowburn horror story, less about gore and jump scares, and more about psychology. Hopkins is sympathetic and scary in the lead-- actually, I think he’s more frightening in this than he was in Silence of the Lambs, probably because he’s so much more unstable. You never know when he’s going to snap, especially since the fear of being found out by the other characters terrifies him so. As Fats, he’s hilarious yet amoral and coldblooded. I don’t like dummies on a good day and Fats only intensified that aversion.

Richard Attenborough directed the film and this is probably the first time I’ve been impressed with him in that role. I tend to find his style meh, but here, he has great command of pacing and suspense, as well as blending comedy with scares.

Also, I found out while reading about the film that there was originally talk of Gene Wilder playing Corky-- and that would have been so fascinating to see. Unfortunately, it didn’t happen, and while I think Hopkins is phenomenal, I would love to travel to that alternate universe where Wilder got the part.

Georgy Girl

I’ve been going through a lot of British New Wave films lately and Georgy Girl is from late in the cycle, reflecting more of the Swinging Sixties and less of the Angry Young Man trope that had dominated the earlier part of the movement. It has a cult following, but I’m afraid the film didn’t win me over at all, though it’s too interesting for me to dismiss it.

Technqiue-wise, the film is very New Wave, using a quirky, playful style to tell what is at heart a pretty downbeat story. It’s about a young music teacher named Georgy (Lynn Redgrave), an awkward, virginal, sensitive young woman self-conscious about her weight and crushing on her beautiful, promiscuous roommate’s “sexy” (I cannot put enough quotation marks around that word) boyfriend (Charlotte Rampling and Alan Bates play the ever irritating couple). When her roommate becomes pregnant, decides not to terminate the pregnancy, and marries the boyfriend, Georgina becomes excited, hoping to help her friend care for the baby. Instead, she starts an affair with the husband, essentially becomes the baby’s sole caregiver because no one else wants to bother, and finds out the unhappy, self-absorbed couple are going to put the kid she’s grown to love up for adoption.

Oh, and a rich older man (James Mason) who’s known Georgy since she was a kid wants her to be his mistress. That subplot is every bit as awkward and ew as it sounds.

All of these points come together at the end, and I admit the ending is so cynical and weird (and very reminiscent of the following year’s The Graduate) that I had to respect it, even though the journey was not enjoyable for me in the least. I just did not like or care about a single one of these characters, nor did I find their sour misadventures terribly funny. I’m not going to fault the actors-- it’s just the writing I did not care for and well, when that happens what can you do?

And now the damn title theme song is stuck in my head again...

#thoughts

[leporellian]

why do you hate rosenkav???

tbh i joke abt rosenkav being my Mortal Enemy and it being my least favorite but if i was handed the reins to a rosenkav production i could fix her. meanwhile something like madama butterfly for example… could be wiped from existence in its entirety tomorrow and nothing of value would be lost. so i don’t Hate rosenkav as much as i joke about hating it. (however i don’t like the music, which i guess is funny given how much of a mozart fan i am. i think it’s too flowery without remembering mozart is at his best when he’s being simplistic.)

my real issue with rosenkav is how nobody around it or performing in it seems conscious of the whole major plot point being this 30 y/o woman grooming a 17 y/o into a relationship. which is just… degrees of fucked up but when you see every single analysis and program for this opera being all “isn’t she SAD? isn’t it SAD that teenage boy will leave her for someone his own age eventually? it’s SAD!!” when like… sorry i am aware of what the marschallin is going through but it’s all REALLY weird that we just collectively turn a blind eye to the whole “30something grooming a 17 year old” thing, especially bc the villain of the opera is rightfully called a gross creep for… also being a grown adult trying to secure a relationship with a teenager. and i think part of it is because of how weird people are about trouser roles and the ‘suspension of disbelief’ that comes with them and theatrical gender presentation as a whole, and how we still actually really see the idea of a woman playing a male role as something to be exoticized and eroticized, and the implications that contains for the broader concept of gender presentation and theatrical casting customs, which is its own can of worms i do not have the time or space to get into here. crazy innit.

it also suffers from “every production of this opera has the same general look” disease, which doesn’t help. rosenkav prods feel so weirdly interchangeable with each other besides the singers themselves. which promotes the sort of echo chamber that has become this opera’s interpretations.

(and there’s uh. well there’s racism there. it can be easily edited out and this is coming from the guy who’s literally writing an entire novel based on the magic flute, but (looks into camera))

i don’t think rosenkav is beyond redemption but i do think it should be given the Darker Production Analysis treatment. like can someone please stop and be like “yknow what it is kind of fucked up that we are meant to empathize with this woman, who (reminder) is a 30something in a relationship with a 17 year old” more than the two groomed teenagers in this show” and be willing to take the commonly held idea of what this opera Is down a peg. and yes there very much is a level of different values from the setting of this opera, the time it premiered, and the current day, but if we can investigate other operas for their problematic themes and dare to challenge the status quo a wee bit then rosenkav can absolutely undergo that scrutiny too.

anyway (waves hand) so i’ve been reading a streetcar named desire for class recently and

#der rosenkavalier #opera tag

[carica-ficus]

Review: I Want to Eat Your Pancreas

Original title: Kimi no Suizō o Tabetai

Author: Yoru Sumino

Illustrator: Idumi Kirihara

Date: 04/06/2023

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

________________________________________________________

I remember how the "I Want to Eat Your Pancreas" anime and manga were trending when I was in high school because the movie just came out (2018.). There were so many positive reviews, but the most memorable comments were about how sad the story was. So much so that a lot of people cried their eyes out during the film. Still, I never got a chance to read it or watch it until a few weeks ago, when my boyfriend bought the manga.

First and foremost, "I Want to Eat Your Pancreas" is about a teenage girl, Sakura Yamauchi, who is suffering from a severe pancreatic disease. One day, a highly introverted boy from her class accidentally finds out about her illness, so she takes her chance and decides to befriend him. Since he is the only other person besides her family who knows she's sick, she finds his company comforting. While they are seemingly polar opposites - she is a bubbly extrovert and he is a reserved loner, their relationship still manages to slowly develop over time.

Sakura is a very bright and energetic girl who doesn't stray away from social situations. Her personality might be a little bothersome and unrealistic at first, but her radiant attitude quickly becomes charming and lovable. Because she is so cheerful, she makes the reader forget how sick she really is. Her happiness sometimes gets cut off with a gut-wrenching panel which draws light to her poor health and unavoidable death, reminding the reader that she is just a scared little girl.

The author plays a lot with concealing the main character's name, making the other characters call him by the title of how they view him. For an example, depressing-kun. Depending on which character addresses him, the titles can get rude, mean or insulting. Even Sakura doesn't call him by his real name, even though he tells it to her at the beginning of the story. This play with names and titles is truly an ingenious tool which the author uses to set up the main character's development and personality, as well as the change he goes through as the story progresses.

While the story is often described as a bittersweet romance (even on the back of the book), I wouldn't necessarily categorize it as such. The relationship between Sakura and the boy often drifts between platonic and romantic feelings because of the intense, sincere love they experience for one another. Neither one of them knows how to process such strong emotions, but they know their bond is anything but ordinary. Even their classmates become convinced they have started dating and only refuse to admit it.

But as the story progresses, both of them realize they don't have to appease to the societal pressure to be together. Their closeness originated because they needed a friend, not because they were romantically interested in one another. And while Sakura does sometimes tease the boy and seems to be truly attracted to him, her actions are often guided by the fear she might miss out on the joys of a normal teenage life, not because she truly wants to be with him.

Moreover, the author often points out that life is about experiencing it with other people and finding your place in the community. A person cannot survive on their own, but they also do not have to appease to every single need from society. Romantic love is only secondary to the primal human need of just being seen, held and heard. This is what Sakura and the boy both learn from each other and why their relationship works.

Therefore, I consider "I Want to Eat Your Pancreas" as an ode to friendship, one which sprouted between two completely different people and which developed because they both needed each other.

The storytelling is incredible and perfectly rounded. The ending is foreshadowed, so it is not entirely unpredictable, but still shocking because of the plot-twist. The feeling of emptiness when Sakura dies is portrayed so well. Her personality had always been so loud and suddenly the panels seem so quiet after she's gone. The last few chapters are extremely emotional, to say the least. Both the author and the illustrator perfectly conveyed the feelings of all the characters, so it is not difficult to get entirely engulfed in them.

"I Want to Eat Your Pancreas" could definitely be considered a classic according to its popularity, influence and overall delivery. It offers stunning visuals, beautiful storytelling, cute characters and a satisfying, but somber ending. I absolutely recommend it, even to people who might usually not be into manga or anime.

#i want to eat your pancreas #yoru sumino #idumi kirihara #manga #anime #reading #book #knjiga #recenzija #moja recenzija #čitanje #book review #romance #comic #2023 #rc2023

[praeteritus-memories-muses]

Name: Veritas Ratio

Series: Honkai Star Rail

Continuity: Video game

Age: 30

Height: 6'0"

Birthday: February 5th

Birthplace: Unnamed planet.

Orientation: Pansexual

Species: Human

Occupation: Member of the Intelligentsia guild / University professor of several rotating subjects

Parent(s): Unnamed

Bio:

Veritas Ratio was born to planetary scientists on his homeworld. Where he is from, intellect is extremely important and those who never had the tools to gain a higher education are left to suffer. His parents raised him relatively well, and so he wished for a world to cure "ignorance", which he views as a disease to help others attain intelligence and raise above in the world.

It was then that Veritas threw himself into his studies at a young age, but also a deep love of knowledge and trying to understand the secrets of the world around him but above him too.

By the time he was a teenager, Veritas was awarded the smartest graduating student of his university. His special subjects include: Mathematics, philosophy, medicine, physics and astrology. He was so smart that despite being a teenager, he was a teacher's assistant to his class and it was noted he was extremely ruthless in his teaching methods.

When he graduated with a doctorate in several subjects, mainly mathematics and medicine, he was noted to have the highest marks seen in over 200 years, he became a teacher at the Intellgencia Guild where many students praised his teachings despite how ruthless he was. A single question wrong? Veritas would award the student an F, followed by severe scolding to do better. Some students would even be thrown out by him, believing that only those with real passion for learning and intelligence should be in his classes.

With that said, Veritas hates stupid people and apparently stupid people hate him. When around someone he believes isn't very smart or a low IQ level, he'll wear a stone mask of a Greek statue so he doesn't have to look at them or acknowledge their presence.

He does not wear it often as he is a part of the Intelligentsia Guild, a guild that rivals the infamous Genius Society with hopes that he'll someday enter the Genius Society. However, he doubts it due to his belief that knowledge should be for everyone and notes that the Genius Society is extremely selfish in it's research and findings with the rest of the galaxy.

Although Veritas can be very blunt, rude and condescending; he can be genuinely very kind to others when he needs to be although he will do everything to make sure he doesn't show his softer side. The only time he ever actually shows his softer side is when he's enjoying his hobbies or working with patience as a doctor in medicine.

In terms of combat, Veritas follows the Aeon Lan via the spiritual path of The Hunt. His combat method is through a stone spell book where he skillfully masters Imaginary, a type of energy using the power of creation. He will use his Imaginary elemental powers to throw cyber bullets like chalk and constructions of stone pillars to land on monsters he may encounter across the planets and space stations.

[teen-stories]

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Friends. As all of us became toddlers, we were introduced to this new term, "FRIENDS", we got enrolled into playschools and kindergartens and had very first interaction with people who were not familiar to us, who knew that these incidental meetings were a way of God to cure our disease of loneliness !

It is very rightly said that man is a social animal, as we are born, grow and die, at every stage of our life we need a community to grow, to improve, to interact and most importantly to live. As we live we make friends, in our neighborhood, our school, college and workplace. Few of these our "formal friends" who are one of the basic needs of survival because an alone man is vulnerable to lose his sanity very easily. We share food and gossip with our formal friends, we have work and study related talks, but we are not able to have heart-to-heart conversations with them, we can't talk about stupid things to them, we always have a fear to be judged by these friends.

Then comes the second category of friends which few of us have, these are our group gangs, we plan all mischief together and stand in unity, we share our personal problems with each other without any fear of being judged, and the one thing which all group gangs have is a Whatsapp group!

Then comes our best friend, our best pal, our buddy, the one who know us more than us ourselves, very few are the lucky ones of us who have a BFF who is ready to die for us! Our best friend means the world to us ! He/She will be available for us even at 3 a.m. in the night.

But one must be very careful while making BFFs, in this selfish world filled with backstabbers we never know who can turn our back on us and use us.

Being an introvert person who has a very hard time talking to new people and making yourself seem significant it was very important for me to realize that not every one is lucky enough to find friends who truly care for you and stand with you in every thick and thin. It was after quite some time I realized that I suffer from FOMO , the fear of missing out, not many people know about this and especially people of the older generation find this new term a bit hard to accept. But believe me, FOMO is completely real and it is okay to be suffering from it, it makes you feel as if your are not significant enough or that you are a loner, you stand out, you have no qualities etc. etc. etc. But no need to worry, the best way to deal with FOMO is to talk to yourself, love yourself and respect yourself the way you are. The main thing, that we teenagers must focus on, or for that matter anybody, is to focus on making ourselves better for own development, for getting into good colleges, for standing out from the crowd and for better job opportunities.

I would like to conclude by quoting Jim Morrison :

"A friend is someone who give you total freedom to be yourself"

Thank you,

Ameesha Goel

#friendship #teenage #friends #life #FOMO

[rptv1]

Wife of John Lydon (Johnny Rotten) passes away

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Remembering John Lydon and Nora Forster, punk's greatest love story: 'Once I make the commitment, it’s forever'

After 44 years of marriage, Forster, who was 14 years older than the Sex Pistols legend, has lost her battle with Alzheimer's. Lydon had become her primary caregiver in recent years.

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Lyndsey Parker  |Ÿ  Editor in Chief, Yahoo Music

Thu, April 6, 2023 at 1:26 PM PD

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On Thursday, John Lydon of the Sex Pistols and Public Image Ltd. announced in a heartbreaking Facebook post that his wife of 44 years, Nora Forster, had died at age 80, following a battle with Alzheimer’s disease. Lydon first publicly announced Forster's illness in 2018, and in 2020 he told Britain’s The Mirror that he had become “her full-time carer... I won’t let anyone mess up with her head. For me, the real person is still there. That person I love is still there every minute of every day, and that is my life.”

While the brief and doomed relationship between the Sex Pistols’ Sid Vicious and punk scenester Nancy Spungen became the subject of the acclaimed biopic Sid and Nancy in 1986, it was always the romance between Lydon and Forster that was truly fascinating and the stuff of legend. Lydon met Forster, a German publishing heiress 14 years his senior, when he was in his early twenties; Forster was the mother of Ari Up, the teenage frontwoman of another pioneering British punk band, the Slits. The couple married in 1979, and in 2000 became the legal guardians of Up's twin sons. They also became the guardians of Ari's third child in 2010, after the Slits singer died of breast cancer.

In 2015, during a sit-down interview with Yahoo Entertainment, seen in the video above, Lydon spoke about the many doubters who'd once assumed that his relationship with Forster would never last. “Well, good luck to people that are flippant about their relationships and their responsibility towards their fellow human beings, but people like me and Nora, we spend the time and take the effort to understand each other,” he said. “And then it becomes a life’s work in progress. And for my way of living, that’s how it want it to be. I don’t take commitments lightly. I don’t treat fellow human beings as tools of my trade. So, there you go — I’m a loyalist at heart.”

Lydon further explained to Yahoo that when the Sex Pistols first exploded onto the scene, shortly before he met Forster, he had no interest in the casual groupie sex that became easily available with his newfound fame. “I started in the wonderful world of rock ‘n’ roll, and quite frankly, sex was thrown at you left, right, and center. No, it wasn’t for me… I don’t like that flippancy. I grew up having childhood illnesses, and somehow it left me feeling that there was something wrong with me,” Lydon said, referring to his battle with spinal meningitis at age 7 that had caused him to spend a year in the hospital and suffer from hallucinations, nausea, headaches, intermittent comatose states, and severe memory loss for four years.

John Lydon and Nora Forster 2011. (Photo: WireImage) 

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John Lydon and Nora Forster in the late '70s. (Photo: Fin Costello/Redferns) 

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“I had to come to grips with that very quickly once I was thrown onto a stage and into the public limelight — I was aware of people that were attracted to me, but not because they knew anything at all about me. It was the fame and fortune. And those kind of people, I don’t want around me,” Lydon continued. “That’s not me being moralistic. … It’s a sense of values. I have to feel that person respects me for who and what I really am. And I hope it’s vice versa. I’m like this with friends. I’m like this with my own family members. And once I make the commitment, it’s forever.”

As Forster's condition worsened after 2020, Lydon paid tribute to her in ways that probably surprised some of the cantankerous punk legend's fans. In 2021, he competed as the Jester on The Masked Singer to lift his wife's spirits, telling Yahoo Entertainment at that time, “I did it for my lovely Nora who's currently suffering from Alzheimer's, a disease that she's never going to recover from and it's slowly going to get worse. So, this should bring some great joy to her. … We have comedy in common, my lovely Nora and me. And so I hope when she sees this, she just bursts out laughing and goes, ‘Ha, I've seen you do that!’ I did it with all the sense of fun and pathos I could bring into it, with at the same time having that constantly in my mind.” Earlier this year, Lydon also honored his wife with a bid to represent Ireland in the Eurovision Song Contest, entering an uncharacteristically sweet and sentimental Public Image Ltd. ballad dedicated to Forster called "Hawaii."

As the time of his Masked Singer run, Lydon explained to Yahoo that as an “old man born on young baby’s shoulders” who'd survived multiple serious health scares as a child, he considered himself "ahead of the course" when it came to caring for his ailing wife. "All those major illnesses have done nothing really but help me — particularly the meningitis, when I lost my memories for like four years, I didn't know who I was! But that helps me now deal with Nora's Alzheimer's," he said. "It's such a magnificent gift that I've been given. Now, it's taken a long time to get to this stage, but I know what it feels like to not know who you are or who you are with. So, it's a wonderful, wonderful gift, and I'm ever so grateful for that. Thank you nature or the God or whatever it is. And I want to share that."

When asked about the secret to their successful marriage of almost five decades, Lydon also told Yahoo Entertainment in 2021: "It's not a secret. It's just that we know and trust each other so well. I can't speak for other people's relationships, and let me tell you, not everybody can find the perfect partners. It's difficult, and it's a matter of luck. … But Nora and me were very, very lucky."

Lydon rarely missed an opportunity to gush to the press about his devotion to his wife. In 2014, before Forster's Alzheimer's diagnosis, he told the The Guardian: “I have never been unfaithful, though I had plenty of opportunity in the Sex Pistols. ... It’s love, you know. I’ve always loved that woman. And she knows it. When we met we didn’t expect to get on. We’d both been told the other was a bad ‘un. But blimey. Sparks flew. It was instant attraction. And that’s never gone. ... I can’t think of a better woman on God’s earth than Nora. If we ceased to function as a couple tomorrow there would be no one else. Not ever. I mean it. … The idea of losing Nora is unbearable. If one of us goes before the other it will be murder for the survivor. She is older than me but women live longer, so we should die at exactly the same time. That would be perfect.”

John Lydon and Nora Forster (Photo: Fin Costello/Redferns) 

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https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/remembering-john-lydon-and-nora-forster-punks-greatest-love-story-once-i-make-the-commitment-its-forever-202649546.html

#John Lydon #johnny rotten #nora forster #punk #punk rock #sex pistols

[southeastasianists]

Carolyn* can never get out of her head the memory of her parents bringing her to conversion therapy. The transwoman from South Sulawesi was 13 then, and society expected her to identify as male in accordance with her biological sex at birth.

“Deep inside, I kept telling myself that I’m not sick, that I’m okay,” she recalled.

Carolyn experienced ruqyah firsthand, a form of conversion therapy imbued with Islamic exorcism that is common among Muslim communities in Indonesia. Carolyn’s parents explained away her feminine expression as the work of a malevolent female demon.

At the time, the teenager did not fully grasp the situation she was in. She agreed to go along with her parents’ wishes due to her deeply embedded fear of sin.

Carolyn was taken before the local cleric, who prayed to expel the female demon in her body. The cleric also asked her parents to leave her with him for a few days so she could undergo several rituals.

“But at that time, I refused. I wanted to go home and didn’t want to be there. I was fine, I cried and said to my mom, ‘Mom, I want to go home, I’m fine,’” she said.

After begging her mother, Carolyn’s mother finally agreed to send her home on one condition: she had to stop expressing feminine traits and stop hanging out with her female friends. Carolyn repressed her feminine expression for several years after that day.

“To be honest, I felt very tortured. I felt very tortured mentally,” Carolyn confessed.

Carolyn said she placed a lot of pressure on herself over the years. She never felt that she was a man. She was always more comfortable expressing herself as a woman. In the final year of high school, Carolyn decided to stop lying to herself and her family. She ran away from home and learned to become a hairdresser at a salon that accepted her gender expression.

In the early days of Carolyn’s emancipation journey, her past and concerns over her identity continued to haunt her. Not a day went by that she didn’t fear persecution, socializing with others, fully expressing herself, all the while saddened by the irreparable burned bridge with her family.

Even now, at the age of 32, Carolyn is still traumatized by her conversion therapy experience. She gets easily triggered by watching religious TV shows or films that feature ruqyah scenes.

But ultimately she believes that she made the right choice, because nothing can take away her freedom to fully express herself as a woman and her achievement of becoming a fully functioning adult in a society that generally does not tolerate her people.

“I also feel comfortable and feel very relieved that in the end, I can accept myself as a transwoman. I feel like I have found myself. This is me, I am a transwoman,” she stresses.

In contrast to Carolyn, Sofia*, a lesbian living in the capital, was encouraged by her family to undergo ruqyah when she was old enough. By that time, she was mature enough to make her own decisions; and so she ran away from them.

“At that time, I was 25 years old and I was studying for my master’s degree. My position was quite privileged, right?” Sofia said.

Living in Jakarta, Sofia was more exposed to open discussions on the issues of gender and sexuality. When her mother asked her to go to therapy, Sofia was already certain about her sexual orientation. Furthermore, she had been involved in the advocacy for gender and sexuality issues.

“So I think there was nothing to lose at that time, and my identity is the core of my life,” she said.

However, Sofia’s refusal for therapy did not sit well with her family. She said they still pressured her “recover” to the point that they used violence against her.

“But I didn’t want to. I insisted because they already know me as a lesbian, so why do I have to back off?” she said.

Sofia believes that her knowledge of diversity in gender expression and sexual orientation was one of the biggest sources of courage that emboldened her to emancipate. If LGBTQ+ people are exposed to the same knowledge, Sofia said, they will be able to accept their identities and acknowledge that they’re not the problem — homophobia and conversion therapy are.

“We must fight together to convince the world that being gay is okay. You need to learn about yourself. You’re not sick. It’s society that’s sick,” she added.

Ika*, a transwoman from North Sumatra, experienced conversion therapy when she was 13, 17, and 18. The methods that she went through were quite diverse, ranging from ruqyah, to burial rituals, admission to Islamic boarding schools, and goat sacrifice.

None of them worked. And she said she had to live with the constant pressure from her parents to get rid of her feminine expression, which, according to them, was also the work of a demon.

“What should be removed from my body? Because according to their assessment, there is an evil spirit who made me like this,” Ika said.

“In my opinion, conversion therapy is bullshit.”

Ika now works for an NGO advocating to end HIV discrimination and stigma suffered by trans communities.

‘Individual will’

Conversion therapy is not a new phenomenon in Indonesia, but the matter was hotly discussed recently when several Indonesian queer activists, including Lini Zurlia and Kai Mata, received targeted ads on social media encouraging them to undergo conversion therapy.

“It feels like I was targeted by a group of people. It made me upset, especially because this is very sensitive regarding LGBTQ+ rights in Indonesia,” Kai Mata said.

“What I think the government should do is to make it illegal. I also think that LGBT people in Indonesia deserve the right to live in this country without fear.”

Attempts to contact the conversion therapy service through the ad failed as of the time of this article’s publication. Another conversion therapy center in Jakarta, which claims to use hypnotherapy as one of its “healing” methods, did not come across like it has a vendetta against LGBTQ+ people despite providing the harmful service.

“When does sexual orientation become a problem? It happens when the values that are taught ​​[by people’s environment and family] are different from their sexual orientation,” therapist Adrianto Darma Setiawan said.

Adrianto claims to have treated around 2,500 patients in the last 12 years. About 20 percent of these patients are (or were, if he succeeded) gay, lesbian, or bisexual. The standard therapy to “heal” sexual orientation consists of about about five to six hypnotherapy sessions lasting around three hours per session.

Adrianto said that some of his patients underwent therapy out of their own accord, but most were there due to encouragement or pressure from relatives. The therapist did not say how many of his patients he managed to convert, but said that “recovery” depends on the will of the individual.

The government’s failure

Imam Nahei, a commissioner at the National Commission on Violence Against Women (Komnas Perempuan), said that LGBTQ + groups in Indonesia still have a long way to receive adequate protections from the government. For as long as homophobia prevails in Indonesia, conversion therapy will remain as one of the most harmful and real threats that haunts people from minority sexual groups in Indonesia.

Nahei said that conversion therapy is an obvious human rights violation, yet the state, which should be responsible for protecting all of the country’s citizens, has not done anything to protect LGBTQ+ people from the practice.

“The state has not done anything because, in Indonesia, this issue is still very controversial as it is associated with dominant religious views,” Nahei said.

There’s little hope for progress in this regard when homosexuality and alternate forms of sexual expression are still seen as a deviation or a disorder by the country’s lawmakers, such as House of Representatives (DPR) Commission VIII Deputy Chairman Marwan Dasopang.

Marwan supports the existence of conversion therapy in Indonesia. Not only that, he wants DPR to eventually pass legislation allowing the state to provide the service to the public. If conversion therapy was normalized, he argued, patients would not experience extreme psychological trauma, such as from being forced to “recover” by their parents.

“It needs to be regulated,” Marwan said, adding that discussion on the regulation of conversion therapy are still in their infancy.

Indonesian policy makers, and even psychiatrists, have long gone against the scientific fact that homosexuality and other sexual identities are not a disease or disorder. Their stance have emboldened homophobia, which, in turn, has fostered the continued existence of conversion therapy.

Riska Carolina, director of Advocacy and Public Policy from the Support Group and Resource Center on Sexuality Studies at the University of Indonesia (SGRC UI), said among the many forms of conversion therapy in Indonesia, most are performed with ruqyah. Others who aren’t forced to go the conversion therapy route are still made to see shrinks who practice with heavy religious influence, hypnotherapists, or admitted to religious boarding schools.

“[Conversion therapy] is a threat to the LGBTQ+ community. It is persecution to the LGBTQ+ community. It violates their basic human rights. LGBTQ+ people are not a disease,” she stresses.

Riska believes that regulating conversion therapy would violate the minority groups’ rights even more than they have suffered. Even if the therapy is carried out based on patients’ willingness, Riska argued that it still validates the idea that LGBTQ+ people have mental disorders.

“Conversion therapy must be banned. It is more necessary to provide protection, even though I know that protection is still a long way off. So I prefer that, at least, [the government] treats us equally and gives us affirmative action,” she said.

“I’m ashamed to know that Indonesia is very late in terms of acceptance and it’s already 2021. You don’t need to like LGBT people, but you also don’t need to discriminate against us, especially to the level of torture. What you do with conversion therapy is torturous.”

*Carolyn, Sofia, and Ika’s real names have been omitted, at their request, to protect their identity.

#Southeast Asia #Indonesia #Conversion Therapy #LGBTQIA Rights #Trans Rights #LGBTQIA Issues #Trans Issues

[with-love-anu]

Don’t pretend then

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader Summary: You take up the job as a healer to work at the order and fall in love with the ridiculously handsome head of house Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, drinking problems Word Count: 2,883

As (Y/n) made her way into the order’s headquarters; she couldn’t help but wonder whether she’d got the wrong address. Surely there were better places than this hell hole. Mrs. Weasley must have seen her as she came beside (Y/n) in a blink.

“(Y/n) dear! How are you?” she said as she practically engulfed her.

“I’m fine, Mrs. Weasley.” (Y/n) told her with a smile.

“Come on in, let me introduce you.” She said as she ushered the young woman into what was supposed to be a dining room. She took in the morbid surroundings as she noticed people glancing towards her. She shook hands and greeted people trying to remember as many names as possible. To her surprise, most of them knew her. It was because of her recent interview for the daily prophet. (Y/n) was a passionate girl. She had always dreamed to be a healer. 

After graduation from Hogwarts she was off to Romania for 7 long years researching more and more about human anatomy. She had been a part of breaking several curses and discovering remedies and cures for various diseases. That was one of the reasons why her ex-headmaster visited her one day to come to work for the order. She had agreed readily, wanting to step up against the death eaters as soon as possible.

“Miss (Y/l/n), I hope it was a smooth journey?” Dumbledore said softly.

“Yes it was, professor.”

“Please, its Albus, you’re not my student anymore.” He said before turning towards everyone. “Lets begin the meeting, shall we?”

***

At the end of the meeting Dumbledore directed (Y/n) towards Sirius Black, owner of the Black household. She had read about him only in the newspapers, and she did not know what to expect. Dumbledore had told her about his story, his real one back in Romania. (Y/n) had felt saddened by the fact that an innocent man had to go through such unfortunate circumstances. She had met with Remus before coming to the headquarters and he had told her more about Sirius and their years at Hogwarts.

“Mr. Black, this is Miss (Y/l/n), the healer I was talking about. She would be staying here, so as to help directly.” Dumbledore said.

Sirius gave her a nod and a tight lipped smile. (Y/n) nodded back. She guessed he didn’t like to talk much.

***

Sirius woke up with a grunt. He honestly felt trapped these days. His colleges were all out there fighting, whereas all he did was sleep, eat, drink and repeat. He got up and brushed his teeth, taking a quick shower. He went down thinking about grabbing a bottle of milk and cornflakes. He hated the thought. Instead he was greeted with the smell of fried bacon and eggs. He saw (Y/n) wearing an oversized t-shirt and shorts, hair pulled up in a messy bun; moving through the kitchen. He smiled. She looked so cute. He had noticed her the day before. She had an innocent face and twinkling eyes. But there was definitely something sharp about her that seemed to draw him towards her. Sirius shook himself. What was he thinking? She was a lot younger than him and he was no longer the same boy, who could party and make his way through different women. Who in the right mind would even look at him right now?

“Oh, hi there Sirius! How do you take your eggs?” (Y/n) asked breaking Sirius’s chain of thought.

“You don’t have to do that.” Sirius said as his stomach grumbled, making him wince. (Y/n) raised an eyebrow and shook her head.

“I love cooking actually. I was making it for myself and thought to make a little for you too.” She shrugged.

“Well, then half-fried” he replied scratching the back of his head. He went in and grabbed some plates.

(Y/n) hummed as she served him and herself some breakfast. Sirius let out a small moan eating the delicious bacon.

“Oh- this is so delicious” Sirius said with his mouth full making (Y/n) blush and let out a small laugh.

They ate rest of the breakfast in silence, which was majorly because Sirius ate a good and warm breakfast after a very long time. After he finished he cleaned both their plates and dishes used for preparation.

“Sirius, would you like to help me pot some plants?”

No. His first instinct wanted to say. Why should he? His brain provided. But what else could he do in this big miserable excuse for a house?

“Sure, why not? Nothing better to do anyway!”

(Y/n) beamed making Sirius feel a little flutter in his chest.

They went to an empty room where (Y/n) took out her supplies and a few books. Sirius followed her instructions as he set the very gross seeds in. He felt like a teenager working in the greenhouse again.

“Why did you become an amingus, Sirius?” (Y/n) asked after some time.

Sirius smiled. He launched into the story of his adventures as a kid. Making best friends, finding out the suffering of his dear friend, wanting to help. (Y/n) nodded and laughed along.

“You seem to have one of the best times at school. It was a very noble thing you and your friends did, Sirius. Reckless, yes; but noble.” Sirius barked out a laugh.

They spent rest of the morning chatting and laughing. Sirius didn’t remember a time where he connected so much with a person other than his best friends. Conversation flowed smoothly, he felt like talking to her was the most natural thing he did.

***

After that, Sirius would spend most of his time with (Y/n), sometimes helping her, sometimes just sitting in silence. Sirius saw little things about (Y/n) like the way she would light up telling about different curses she was so close to break, the way she bit her bottom lip in concentration leaving them plump and full; driving him crazy. Sirius had reminded himself over and over again that (Y/n) was young and deserved someone better than him. That didn’t help the way his stomach twisted in knots or his tendency to want to touch her whenever she was close.

(Y/n) seemed to be in a different yet same predicament. The more time she spent with Sirius, the more she grew to like him. His addictive personality that drew everyone towards him whenever he was around. Him being able to cheer her up if she ever felt down. And every single day it became harder for her to ignore the throb in her heart. At times she felt like he did like her back but mostly all she could think was how someone as handsome and smart and funny and charismatic as him could like someone like her.

“(Y/n) you need to rest!” Sirius said as he entered the dining room to find (Y/n) trying to clean the chandelier. He sighed. (Y/n) had the tendency to work until she was truly exhausted and Sirius could see it was taking a toll on her.

“I’m almost done” she whined as she continued with the cleaning spells making Sirius groan. He smirked, as an idea popped up in his head. He transformed into padfoot running towards her. He knocked her over and licked her face making her burst into giggles.

“Sirius stop!! Gross!” she said as she continued laughing. She gripped his forefoot and tackled him into the ground, placing herself above him. Sirius transformed back, his face red from laughter. As they slowly settled down next to each other, goofy smiles painted their faces.

(Y/n) couldn’t help it. Sirius was looking at her so adorably; she went forward and kissed him. She realized what she was doing and pulled back. Sirius looked blank. He didn’t know what to say or do. He knew he was not at all good for her, but in that moment all he wanted was to crush his lips into hers. (Y/n) on her part tried to breathe. She desperately wanted Sirius to say something, anything.

“I… I… I like you Sirius.” She said softly pleading to god that Sirius felt what she did for him.

“(Y/n)… I…” Sirius found himself unable to find the right words. He took too long.

(Y/n) tried not to shake. Of course he didn’t like her.

“Its fine” she stuttered. “I must have misread things.”

She tried to give him a small smile as she got up and left, leaving Sirius to wallow in his misery. He did the right thing, he repeated to himself as he descended into anxiety.

***

For the next few days, (Y/n) avoided Sirius. She would be sure to leave him whatever food she made for herself casting a warming spell on them. They would see each other once or twice and give a small smile but other than that nothing. No late night talks, no laughs over the little garden of medicinal herbs they created, no arguments over books. Sirius tried to give her space. He knew he’d hurt her but the thing was that he had become so used to her presence that he now felt like he was entering his dark hole again. He started drinking early, transforming into padfoot at times. It was like someone had finally given him something to live for and then snatched it back cruelly. He missed her, even though she was so close to him. It was much more than just physical attraction he loved her, her soul, her very essence.

At one such night, he frowned as he tried to drink from the now-empty bottle. He stumbled towards the cabinet trying to find a new one. As he fumbled for an opener he heard a voice behind him.

“Sirius, I think that’s quite enough for a week.” (Y/n) said concerned about his health. She knew Sirius had started becoming depressed easily, an aftermath of living in Azkaban for such a long period. She felt guilty for spoiling their friendship and then not talking to him for what felt like forever. It was torture for her too. She felt that maybe distancing herself would help her. But, seeing the toll it took on Sirius she felt ashamed.

“If 20th no, 21st no 20th” Sirius tried to count but his brain refused to respond. “Doesn’t matter. If the 20th drink is what it took to get you to talk to me I would have done it a lot earlier.” He smiled and then slipped falling on the floor with a thump.

(Y/n) quickly went towards him and picked him up. Sirius continued mumbling and (Y/n) couldn’t make out anything. She carried him to his room and gave him some medicine to stop the headache tomorrow. As she turned to leave, he grabbed her hand stopping her.

“Don’t leave me.”

“I won’t” she tried to say but Sirius had already passed out. (Y/n) sighed, putting some blankets over him and turning to leave the room.

Next morning, (Y/n) was ready. She couldn’t let this friendship destroy. When Sirius entered the kitchen she took in a deep breath and gave him a warm smile. Sirius looked unsure. As he settled down to eat she started repeating the long rant she spent the entire night preparing but somehow could only get a few sentences out.

“Sirius, I like you but more than that; I value our friendship. You’ve been one of the best people to talk to and I can’t afford to lose you. I miss you, which is strange because you are in the same house as me.” she let out a laugh. “It will take time, but I would soon feel comfortable talking to you again. Please know that I don’t want to make you feel bad.”

Sirius smiled.

“Okay” he said.

“Okay.” She repeated.

***

After that (Y/n) and Sirius spent time together again. It wasn’t the same as before, but it was better for them both. Or so they thought. Sirius found himself itching to hug her again, to hold her close. It was torture even more so than before. It wasn’t just a passing infatuation and Sirius was reminded that every single time he was close to her. Every time she would smile, Sirius would feel his heart flutter.

It was soon to be Christmas and house was bustling with life and joy. Harry was there and Sirius felt at his best. Everything was going smoothly; Sirius had Remus, Harry and (Y/n) the most important people in his life with him. He couldn’t ask for more.

“(Y/n)! I hope you didn’t miss me much!” came the voice from the dining room door. It was Molly’s second son, Charlie, the one that worked in Romania.

“Charlie!” (Y/n) shouted as she launched herself into his arms making Sirius’s stomach twist. He clenched his jaw as she didn’t seem to move away from him. (Y/n) dragged Charlie towards him.

“Sirius, this is Charlie, my absolute best friend!” she said smiling.

Sirius forced a smile shaking Charlie’s hand.

Over the next few days, it seemed Charlie and (Y/n) were inseparable much to Sirius’s dismay. It was gut-wrenching. They always seemed to have an inside joke and he wanted to be the one (Y/n) had them with. They would be seen at the corner of the room giggling and laughing. Sirius was told that Charlie and (Y/n) were childhood best friends. The way they behaved, no-one wouldn’t be surprised if they started dating, even though that thought made him furiously angry. He couldn’t understand what was wrong with him. He was the one that pushed her away. But that didn’t stop him from feeling hot with jealousy.

It was the night before Christmas. Everyone had made efforts to prepare the big dinner. The twins had put on some music and Sirius had fun seeing his best-friend Remus dance with Tonks. Remus had a crimson blush on his face as his niece put his hand over her waist. It was about time Remus did something for himself.

“They’ll make an excellent couple.” (Y/n) said standing beside him.

“I think so too. But Remus thinks he’s too old for her.” Sirius said looking at her. She shook her head.

“What’s age anyway? I know Tonks is old enough to take her own decisions. If two people love each-other, does it really matter when the other was born or how many more years they’ve lived?” she said with a twinkle in her eyes and Sirius felt as if he should tell her, right then that he loved her; had for a very long time.

“(Y/n)!!! Come on I don’t wanna feel lonely between all these lovey-dovey couples, dance with me!” Charlie said taking (Y/n)’s hand. (Y/n) giggled as he took her to the middle of the hall with him. Charlie twirled her around the floor and she moved elegantly with him. They laughed swaying to the beats of music looking the happiest people in the world.

It all felt too much. Sirius excused himself as he left the room trying to calm himself. He wanted to scream. He tried breathing exercises wanting to control himself. After a few minutes he was able to compose himself and he moved to return back.

“There you are!” (Y/n) said as she came towards him. When she came near though they froze. He tried to move but couldn’t. He looked up to find a small mistletoe growing. He gulped.

“You’ll get out after you kiss!” said George as he ran away.

(Y/n) looked up at him hesitantly and bit her lips. Damn! Did she have to do that!

“Let’s just do a quick peck.” (Y/n) told Sirius as she tried to breathe. Her feelings for him had only increased and now this?

(Y/n) tiptoed and gave a peck on Sirius’s lips feeling the spell wear away. Sirius cupped her cheeks, moving forward and kissed her deeply, pressing his lips firmly against her plush ones. (Y/n) froze. As Sirius moved his head away from her she felt like she was in a trance. Those silver grey eyes seemed to convey so much emotion and she wasn’t sure she understood it all.

“Why?” was all she could croak out.

“I love you. Have for a very long time. I felt I was unworthy; didn’t deserve you. Lets be real, I’m a fugitive.”

“Wrongly charged” she interjected.

“Fine; wrongly charged and old. I don’t have a job and I possibly couldn’t take care of you but I can’t. I cannot pretend to not want to hold you or kiss you or call you mine. I cannot pretend that I don’t get jealous whenever I see another man make you laugh when I should be the one doing it. I cannot pretend that you drive me crazy like never before even though I spent years in Azkaban. I am being selfish but I want you. I-“

(Y/n) put her hand over his mouth making him stop.

“Then. Don’t. Pretend.” She said smiling as she hugged him so tightly he felt air leave his lungs but he didn’t care as he hugged her back with the same fervor. They pulled away only to pull each other in a passionate kiss.

Charlie’s whistling broke them away.

“About time” he shouted as Sirius snuck an arm around (Y/n)’s waist.

A/N: Let me know what you think!

#sirius #sirius black #siriusxreader #sirius black x reader #sirius x reader #harry potter #sirius imagine #sirius black imagine #my work #Anu writes

[it-stheaulifeforme]

“I didn’t say kill the damn boy!!”

“You said to break the bones in his body---”

Sakharine aggressively shoved Allan against the wall of the cabin by the front of his long coat. “You simple minded---” he spat, “there’s a difference!! I still want him alive!! You think I can get a scroll from a dead wretched little brat??”

The man in red let go, trying to remain calm and adjusting his own jacket, still with a glint of fury in his eyes as he looked at the other man. He sighed exasperatedly, briefly glancing away. “Did you manage to get him to say anything important?” he asked, a rigid firmness in his voice.

Tom, standing behind Sakharine, exchanged nervous looks with Allan.

“Well??” Sakharine angrily insisted, looking very expectantly at both of them.

There was a small silence. “Nothing, boss.”

He looked at both of them like they’d just lost their entire minds. Not that he didn’t always think that, but this was baffling enough as it is for even these two.

“What do you mean, nothing?”

Another silence.

“He said nothing.”

“You beat him within an inch of his damn life and he said NOTHING??”

Sakharine was more infuriated than ever, mainly showing it in his eyes, before his voice leapt up louder and more aggressively this time. Allan and Tom practically jumped out of their own skin at his raised voice before trying to stammer out a reply. Predictably, they were cut short.

“I’ve had grown men break before they’ve hardly had a finger laid on them but you couldn’t even get a teenage boy to crack??”

Sakharine wondered who he had more problems with; his idiotic crew who couldn’t get answers from a literal boy to the little brat himself. He didn’t understand how such a young person would not give in despite the physical suffering he was put through. What had this ginger brat been up to that made him that defiant to remain quiet through that?

If the simple minded crew couldn’t get an answer out of him, he’d do it himself. He couldn’t refuse to say anything forever.

They were interrupted by a noise outside the door, followed by a low growl and barking. How in god’s name had that stupid mutt of the boy’s manage to get onto the damn ship??

The door swung open to reveal one of the crewmates, the small struggling bundle of white fur snapping at him with the fur of his neck in his right hand. “Found this mangy dog looking around, boss,” he remarked snidely, trying to avoid being bitten, “must have been searching for its young master.”

Before anything else happened, Snowy managed to wriggle free, landing on all fours with a thud, baring his teeth and barking ferociously at the people that surrounded him. Sakharine was about to bat the damn dog with his cane to get it to shut up before it stopped, bounding over to the metal cage on the other side of the cabin.

Sakharine narrowed his eyes at the sudden change in the behaviour of that dog. It had gotten all the way here and the first chance it got, it had leapt straight towards the boy, a curled up bruised and bloodied figure. It whined, pawing through the bars, standing on its hind legs to get him to wake up. Clearly distressed, it eventually poked its head through, pulling on the boy’s blue jumper to get him to respond.

“What on earth---” Allan made to say, taking a step forward before his path was blocked by Sakharine’s cane who was fixated on the dog’s behaviour around the boy. There seemed a particular thought running through Sakharine’s mind as the dog desperately tried to get his owner to wake up. A noticeable shift in the latter’s movement despite his injuries caught his attention.

“Snowy...?” It was quiet and cracked, but audible. The crewmates observed a more malicious glint in their boss’ eyes almost as if to know what he had in mind. It didn’t help also observing the particular sickly, self satisfied grin that formed soon after on his face at this vocalisation.

Perfect.

Not looking back, he took the cane from in front of Allan. “I’ll handle this,” he remarked, “unlike you lot.”

He strode forward towards the dog, obviously named Snowy, who turned to him defensively, growling viciously under its breath. “Oh for god’s sake,” he muttered, batting at the dog with his cane, “will you shut up---”

He finally kicked it and it responded with a yelp, managing to tumble over into the metal cage. “Finally, you dirty little mutt,” he dryly remarked and stepped in, slamming the door with a loud clang behind him.

Tintin, the boy, flinched in surprise and managed to lift his head, displaying the mess that had been made of his face. Sakharine wasn’t one for hands on work - his henchman did that for him - so naturally he felt the physical inclination to recoil. Of course, despite the bruising along his cheekbones and the blood that had run down mainly from head wounds and especially a vivid dark purple bruise around his right eye, there was still a sense of defiance in his face.

Whether that was by the curl of his split lips upwards in an expression of disgust or fire that seemed to burn in those clear pupils of his, he could see it. He was almost endeared by it.

Almost. Unfortunately, it was an obstacle and he wasn’t about to be a victim of sentiment. Maybe what he was about to do next would make him see sense. Not like those traitorous crewmates back there managed to be of any help in that area.

Snowy almost darted forward but Sakharine was quicker this time, abruptly yanking the dog with a grip on the fur of his neck. He yelped again, but this time he was more whimpering than growling, flailing his legs. He turned down to look at Tintin, whose eyes seemed to burn with a new kind of anger but also remained cold, reading almost like a new level of fiery disdain specifically for what was happening to his dog.

Sakharine raised his eyebrows in a faux affable gesture. “Why don’t we try this again?” he asked, a sickening politeness in his words. Tintin merely glared at him.

“Put him down,” he stated through gritted teeth, a sneer across his bloodied lips.

Sakharine wanted to laugh. This felt like Marlinspike Hall again, but with more control over his side. This brat wouldn’t be able to walk away with an attitude like that this time.

“Perhaps you’re forgetting something,” he continued in a conversational manner, as if to ignore that rebellious tone in Tintin’s voice, “I still need to know what you’ve done with that scroll.”

“I said I don’t---”

Tintin was cut off by a vicious kick to his ribs and he practically choked out a scream, eyes widened from the unbearable pain. Not long ago he felt like he’d had one or two broken and the kick did enough to make the pain flare up, but he was not able to do much about it apart from a choked scream that tore itself from his throat.

Snowy was now throwing up more of a fuss, though quietened into whimpers as Sakharine singlehandedly ripped his sword from its holder, an agonised cry coming from Tintin as the blade was held to the dog’s throat.

“Don’t play games with me, you stupid boy,” he seethed, watching Tintin’s clear eyes appear to set alight with multiple emotions in the dimness of the lower decks, “you knew exactly what you spoke about earlier, so unless you want your dear dog you love so much to die, I suggest telling me where the scroll is.”

Tintin didn’t think he could get any angrier, or even show more of it with how much pain he was in. “You’re sick, you know that?” he spat, hints of distress clearly making themselves known with the shake in his voice and the shine of his eyes, “Don’t you even dare!”

Sakharine laughed, amused. “Only because I know how to get the job done, you insolent child,” he remarked, the blade glinting underneath the dog’s jaw, “so would you rather let your dog live compared to remaining secretive about scrolls that were none of your damn business in the first place?”

The sickly grin appeared back on his face, and Tintin couldn’t help but flick his eyes between the other man’s face, the blade and the black, pleading eyes of his beloved dog, Snowy. He wasn’t remotely in a position to argue, emotionally or physically. He wasn’t just a boy though, even though he knew he was always that despite everything that he’d done. He couldn’t possibly let this man get away like this; he just wanted a nice ship and he’d thrown himself face first into this mystery with the criminal dealings underpinning it all.

But he couldn’t bank on solving this mystery and catching criminals at the cost of his own dog. How much could come close to how much Snowy meant to him? Even if he wanted to figure out the means to stop these people. Not like he didn’t know that these kinds of people had many ways to play dirty. Of course they would.

Of course he would.

“It’s be a real shame to stain such lovely white fur...” Sakharine trailed off with faux sympathy in his voice, before the cracked voice of the boy spoke up, fervently.

“Stop!” he cried, feeling nausea in the pit of his stomach at the description, “just stop! Please, don’t!”

Sakharine stopped, moreso at the distress in the boy’s voice, however much he tried not to. Not like he had the strength, anyway. The shine in his eyes was very clear, as if something was going to fall from them. He was grinning now, contemptuously, self-satisfied, as if the mere idea of reducing what appeared to be a strong-willed boy almost to tears was enjoyable, in of itself.

“And why is that?” he asked, that grin not budging in the slightest.

“I...” Tintin started, hating himself for saying it, “I don’t have the scroll on me.” Evidently putting emphasis on that last part. “It’s still on the mainland, because it’s in my wallet that was stolen from me.”

Sakharine raised an eyebrow. That explains why the brat didn’t have it on him. He frowned; it was frustrating enough that this was the case without it being back where they started. But he appeared satisfied enough, pulling the sword away from the dog’s throat and dropped him as if was diseased. Predictably, the dog scampered over, now more concerned for the worse state his owner was in, licking him and whining in his face. The boy was more or less zoned out now, eyes bright with tears, a hand absentmindedly stroking the mutt’s head.

He looked down, patronisingly, though his voice remained clear to the crewmates outside. He could see anger and hurt boiling behind that deadened expression. “Never underestimate the influence of the bond between a boy and his dog,” he spoke, his voice once again sickeningly polite, “especially when he forgets to value the life of the animal over business that had nothing to do with him to begin with. Anyone can be influenced if you just do it right.” He glared over at his henchman, but didn’t say anything else.

He left the metal cage, putting his cane back together, the boy and dog barely flinching as metal hit metal. “It’s a real shame,” he said aloud, his thoughts wandering with a malicious undertone, “Killing that damn animal would’ve been frankly enjoyable.”

#whumptober2020 #no.6 #'stop please!!' #beaten #threat #the adventures of tintin #fic #beating tw #blood tw #animal cruelty tw #swords tw #snowy #tintin #sakharine #ivan ivanovitch sakharine #y e a h this got intense really fast #gonna guess how much you want to kill sakharine #violence tw #favourite characters #writing #favourite films #fictional crushes #injury tw

[sailormoonandme]

My thoughts regarding the Usagi/Mamoru age gap

I am writing this in response to this thread.

To be clear as crystal here, this is just my take on the situation.

With all that said, for the sake of argument let's say we are in total agreement that in real life a 14 year old middle schooler and a 17 year old college student shouldn't be dating.*

But that is the key phrase here: 'Real life'.

The thing is...there is no end of fairy tales or media aimed at children that at best start to fall apart or at worst become extremely creepy when you apply a realistic lens to it.

That is the joke about the majority of Disney's canon in fact. For instance, Aladdin was 18 whilst Jasmine was 16. I'm British and over here 16 is the legal age of consent for sex but even so I'm at least iffy on a 16 year old dating an 18 year old. And to trade off some of the comments elsewhere in the above linked thread, you could absolutely argue there was a 'mental gap' between Al and Jas given how she was a sheltered and somewhat naive princess who'd never left the palace and he was a streetwise older guy who'd obviously flirted and charmed his way out of trouble before.

But let's consider a different Disney classic, perhaps their most famous movie, the Lion King.

The Lion King is a beloved and rightly iconic movie but if you take it at face value and realistically (albeit ignoring the fact that animals can talk, sing and are capable of human emotions and cultural references) it's guilty of:

Promoting incest because Simba and Nala would have at best been first cousins (Nala being Scar's daughter) at worst brother and sister. Because that is how lions work. Male lions murder the cubs of other males with the possible exceptions of their brother's cubs where they co-rule a pride. Even with the best case scenario, deleted scenes had Scar try to make Nala his queen and those scenes were reinserted for the hit Broadway musical. So either a brother and sister hook up or two first cousins hook up and a Dad tried to have sex with his daughter.

Promoting racial/class segregation: The Hyenas are from the 'dark shadowy' place and are given traits you can easily interpret as associated with black, Hispanic, Latinex or mentally disabled people. They are also framed with Nazi imagery and it is Scar's decision to let them roam freely that causes famine. Simba beats them, they are forced back to 'where they came from' and all is well.

Promoting authoritarian absolute monarchies. That's the whole movie's plot. Simba must embrace his destiny as the 'rightful ruler' of the pridelands whereby all other animals bow down to him. It's not even like the lions are the ruling class and they are at least democratic amongst themselves, it's literally this ONE specific bloodline that is not only in charge but is SUPPOSED to be in charge. Even if the wrong person from that bloodline is in charge the entire land suffers until the 'right' person takes the throne. That's a pretty terrible and pretty anti-democratic message isn't it, and that's coming from someone who lives in a country WITH a monarchy.

And, I admit this one is a serious stretch, but you could even argue that it's saying two men raising a child is a detriment to said child. Because Timon and Pumba raise Simba into an adult and the movie is very clear that he's grown up wrong, he is not the person he should be because he's embraced Timon and Pumba's upbringing.

So you see...the Lion King is mega terrible.

Except it isn't.

Because we all have the cognitive ability and understanding to grasp that you are not SUPPOSED to take it that realistically nor at face value. Even as children we grasped that, hence the generation that grew up with the Lion King (by and large) obviously don't think incest is okay, don't oppose same sex couples raising children, don't think segregation is a good idea and clearly do not think monarchies are the bee's knees.

Maybe as kids people couldn't put it into words, but material like this essentially exists in this realm of symbolism, psychological shorthand if you will.

In fact all fairy tales do that.

And Sailor Moon IS a fairy tale, or at the very least it borrows a whole lot from fairy tales.

In addition to being a fairy tale though Sailor Moon is a wish fulfillment fantasy story intended for a female audience (or at least a predominantly female audience).

Now of course what one woman's wish fulfillment fantasy might be may not be another's and I wouldn't be so presumptuous as to argue that Sailor Moon even clicks with the wish fulfillment fantasies of MOST female audience members. But I think it's fair to say from the cultural impact it has had, and how it's fanbase is clearly mostly made up of women, that the wish fulfillment fantasy it offers clicks with a sizeable enough number of women.

The reverse is true of something intended as a male wish fulfillment fantasy. James Bond was obviously intended as a male wish fulfillment fantasy, and it's success speaks to how it clearly clicked with a sizable enough number of people. And I don't think I'm being overly presumptuous here when i say MOST of those people were male.**

Both SM and 007 are wish fulfillment power fantasies but they are also romantic/sexual fantasies too.***

I don't think it's unreasonable to argue that for a sizable number (but not necessarily the majority) of women, including the tween/teen girls SM was aimed at, having an OLDER lover is a romantic wish fulfillment fantasy. On the flipside I don't think it's unreasonable to argue that for a sizable number of men and boys having an endless string of casual and completely consequence free sexual encounters with (traditionally speaking) gorgeous women who find you incredibly attractive is a sexual wish fulfillment fantasy.

And the thing is BOTH those things can become bad when you apply a realistic lens to either of them.

James Bond's sex life realistically would involve at least a few sexually transmitted diseases, unintended pregnancies (one of which occurs in the novels) and at least a few callously broken hearts. Even when you look at it strictly from Bond's POV that life only seems glamorous at first glance. Perhaps it is a fun fantasy, but only when it remains in the realm of fantasy. Because in real life that kind of life if lived long term is ultimately incredibly empty and unfulfilling. Even James Bond media has acknowledged this because there have been occasions in the novels and films where he has at least attempted to settle down with a stable partner. Many Bond fans (understandably) decry this as undermining part of the appeal of the character hence Bond inevitably defaults back to being single because that is a baked in part of the wish fulfillment fantasy the character offers.

Let's consider some other ways the Sailor Moon anime offers a wish fulfillment fantasy, namely the future of Crystal Tokyo.

At first glance it seems wonderfully utopic right. It is a beautiful crystalline world where everyone lives in peace and harmony, hunger disease and even aging having been functionally eliminated.

Well, that isn’t the case if you apply a realistic lens to it.

It's an absolute monarchy wherein everyone is functionally immortal and children don't reach maturity even after 900 years. Chibi-Usa clearly chafes at this reality so how do you imagine other children (who aren't royalty) might feel? How might their parents feel having to raise their children and be responsible for them for centuries as opposed to around twentysomething years? What if you became immortal in your 80s, you might be a very healthy 80 year old but you aren't in the prime of your life and you are stuck that way for what is essentially forever. Not to mention what if you don't like or do not agree with Neo-Queen Serenity's policies? What if they are actively detrimental to you, your family, your livelihood, etc? You can't vote her out of power and you can't even hope for things to change because everyone is healthy, provided for and lives forever. The chances of someone else coming to power are at best very, very, very slim.

Then you have the fact that it’s surely a society that would’ve stagnated because everyone is provided for. That’s the whole point of a utopia. It is perfection. But what if you are someone who defined your live by striving for improvement? What if you were a doctor and now found yourself redundant. Sure, you might acknowledge that’s for the greater good but you are still yourself left completely without purpose in this world.

And that’s not even considering the inevitable monotony of existing for hundreds of years. Modern medicine and science has allowed human beings to extend their life spans FAR beyond how long we’d live if we were still just cave people. As biological organisms are concerned we never evolved to live for 80-90 years. Even if your body isn’t breaking down across the centuries the human mind would never realistically be able to cope with centuries worth of memories and life experiences. Mental illnesses and conditions would be rife. If nothing else living in that world would sooner or later become utterly BORING!

Hate to say it and obviously it doesn’t justify their methods, but the Black Moon Clan kind of have some valid points against the world of Crystal Tokyo. At least they do when you break things down REALISTICALLY.

And that’s my thesis here. Sailor Moon isn’t supposed to be dissected realistically, at least not to THAT degree. It is a wish fulfilment fairy tale fantasy and demands a certain amount of suspension of disbelief and understanding of what the fantasy is offering.

And for the record I can 100% assure that no teenager in real life has, or could, ever get into a harmful relationship with someone older than them BECAUSE they watched Usagi and Mamoru’s relationship in the anime.

The human mind is a very complex and very powerful thing. At a younger age it’s impressionable and can therefore be influenced. But it’s not so susceptible that the romantic relationships in a cartoon about schoolgirl super heroes is going to influence a viewer into making any major life decisions that OTHER factors weren’t also influencing them to do.

In other words if a real life 14 year old girl began dating a 17 year old college guy it would’ve happened regardless of whether they watched Sailor Moon as a child or not.

Indeed, one of my frustrations with the podcast Sailor Business is how many guests on the show cite how they liked Usagi and Mamoru as children but now think their relationship is bad and creepy. I disagree with them for the reasons I cited above, but the fact that those panellists nigh universally give that same narrative proves how nobody was ever going to be prompted to do anything potentially harmful to themselves in real life by the show.

*Personally speaking that is certainly my own off the cuff attitude.

**Not to dismiss the fans who aren't, same goes for the non-female SM fans.

***Although I think you could argue SM is more on the romance side of things and 007 on the sexual side of things.

#My Essays #bishojo senshi sailor moon #pretty soldier sailor moon #pretty guardian sailor moon #sailor moon #tuxedo mask #mamoru chiba #chiba mamoru #usagi tsukino #tsukino usagi #James Bond #007 #Lion King #The Lion King #Disney #Crystal Tokyo

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #388

“i wanna stay inside all day  /  i want the world to go away  /  i want blood, guts, and chocolate cake  /  i wanna be a real fake”

Name three people who you'll never forget: I doubt I'd forget Jason even if, God forbid, I had dementia. That's trauma for ya. I HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHLY doubt I could EVER forget my mom, either. In many different ways, she's literally kept me alive and has done so, so much for me. Then there's also Sara, whose friendship with me matches no one else I've been friends with. Have you ever been told you are fake? No. What was the name of the last pet of yours that died? Teddy, my dog. Do you like pineapple? I do. When was the last time you wished the day would just get over with? I know this sounds seriously depressing, but that's... pretty much every day. My life is just currently such a drag that being awake bores me senseless. But it's funny, because then some nights I stay up late for like... no reason. My existence alone is confusing. Is there any specific number that has any significance to you? No. Do you remember much from high school? I remember a lot from high school. Where would you go for the ultimate honeymoon? Isn't there a black sand beach in Iceland or something? Take me there, man. I'd also love to go to the Bahamas, but ew humidity and also I'm afraid of the Bermuda Triangle lmfao. If you had to get a tattoo tomorrow, what would you get? The big piece I want to get on my left upper arm; it's called "Denialism" by NukeRooster on deviantART. I got her permission forever ago to get it tattooed. Do you have any alarms set? What time and what for? Not currently. Have you ever had to work while there was a film crew at your work place? No. Have you ever supported anyone’s Kickstarter? If so, what was it? No. What do you like in your omelet? Ham pieces and cheese. Have you ever boycotted something? Yes: Chick-fil-A. Homophobic, transphobic pieces of shit aren't getting my business. Has anyone ever borrowed something from you, and not returned it? Yes. Most notably a video game I LOOOOVED as a kid. I was mad salty and still am lmao. Do you vent a lot on social media? God no, not anymore after embarrassing the everliving FUCK out of myself with a suicide note. What was your first bill you started paying on your own? I don't pay any bills bc unemployed. .-. Do you watch ASMR videos? No. What is your favorite charitable cause to donate to or volunteer for? The Trevor Project. Have you ever received a misdiagnosis? Yes. A psychiatrist I had in middle school thought I had ADHD, which was ABSOLUTELY ludicrous. Most recently, my long-time bipolar 2 diagnosis has been questioned, but I do think I have it. I think. Does it bother you when others don’t share the same religious beliefs as you? No? Freedom of religion is a thing. What was your last argument about? Ummmm... I don't remember. Probably something with Mom. Have you found your first gray hairs yet? No. Somehow. You'd think all the stress would have me pure gray by now, lol. What are the names of all the pets you’ve had? Dude, I've had WAY too many for this. What’s the most you’ve ever spent on a cosmetic or skincare product? *shrug* Who was the last person that invited you to go somewhere? Did you accept? Mom invited me to come with her to Nicole's to get out of the house because at the time our A/C was still out. I didn't want to go, even though damn did I suffer, haha. What was the last food item that you toasted, other than bread? That's... a great question. I don't know if I toast anything other than bread. Have you ever named any of your pets after a cartoon character? I remember I had a cat named Taz when I was younger. What was the last thing that someone else recommended, or suggested you try? My TMS doctor is like SUPER friendly and makes the treatment go by so fast (it's exactly 22 minutes and 30 seconds; don't ask why), and recently she was fangirling to Mom and me about the show Once Upon a Time, haha. I saw very little of it with Jason, but Mom did check it out. When was the last time you wore a hat? What kind? I have zero idea. When was the last time you ate a bowl of ice-cream? What flavour? Oh wow, it's been a long time. It was probably vanilla with chocolate syrup? If you menstruate, has your cycle ever synced with anyone close to you? Yes. Tell me something positive about the town or city that you live in. ... You said "positive," right? Did your parents have high expectations for you to excel in school and go to college/university? Yes. They were pretty serious about going to college when my sisters and I were younger, but they opened up to the concept that maybe it wasn't for all of us (coughmecough). Are you a polite person? I genuinely think I am. I definitely try to be. Have you ever been in a relationship where everything with your partner felt natural and effortless? Sigh. Yeah. Have you ever been in a relationship where everything was difficult and rocky? No. That's not the kind I'd stay in very long at all. I mean yes, there are always bumps, but there comes a point where you gotta say fuck nah and find something better. When you were a teenager, did your parents set rules about dating? Other than keeping age gaps in mind, no. Have you ever committed a crime that directly harmed another person? No. Did you grow up in an urban, suburban, or rural area? My childhood home was suburban, but leaned towards rural. We were on the very edge of the town. Which disease do you personally think is the most horrible? After seeing my mother suffer from borderline stage 4 ovarian cancer, I've gotta say cancer. My mother is the strongest person I know and yet she cried so frequently from chemotherapy. It broke my fucking heart. The person I copied the survey from mentioned especially childhood cancers, and I have to agree. Like just... why. "Everything happens for a reason." Bull. Fucking. Shit. Just TRY and convince me why a young child has to deal with CANCER. Do you remember where you first drove to after getting your license? I still don't have my license, as I've said in many a survey before. What did you get into trouble for the most when you were a kid? Being on the computer too much. What is your biological sex? Female. Do you use online dating? Or do you use another method for finding dates? Nah. I'm at the point in my life where I wanna let love just find me and not actively search for it. What is the oldest gaming console you own? We MIGHT still have our old Atari? If not, it'd be a GameBoy Advance. Which accents can you emulate pretty well? Just British. Do you think you'll ever manage to do everything you want to? No. But then again, I think that sounds pretty realistic? I doubt most people check off everything on their bucket list. What do you fear most? Probably becoming truly homeless, living on the streets. Do you wear shoes around the house? No. Are you a good driver? If you can't drive yet, do you think you'll be good? I mean, I'm not the worst in the world. My mom's always pointed out though that I ride on the brakes (which I do out of fear) and I tend to speed up and slow down quite a bit. I also stop kinda abruptly sometimes. What is/was your favorite thing about school? Seeing friends. What are you most likely to spend money on? My own personal money, tattoos, lol. Have you ever been a complete fangirl/fanboy over anything? @_@ Do you hate how, when the public like a celebrity, they overpublicize them? I feel bad for them, more than anything. You breathe wrong and suddenly it's news-worthy. It's like your every inconsequential action is under heavy surveillance and judgment, and it seems so unfair. Have you ever became attracted to someone you weren’t at first because their personality made you find them physically attractive? That was Jason for me. I never thought he was ugly, but regardless, he became THE most attractive man in the world to me. Have you ever worked in retail? Yes. -_- Are you even a little bit racist? Nah man, it's 2021, baby. Were you more fond of swings, monkey bars, or seesaws as a child? I was all about the swings. Do you believe in a near-future apocalyptic event? I don't know or care, honestly. A gamma ray or whatever they're called could incinerate us all tomorrow. A black hole could swallow the earth in an hour. We don't know. Do you have a chandelier in your home? No. Do you have a bar with stools? No. Is your Christmas tree faux or real? If faux, what color? We use a fake green one. Do you eat the crusts of your bread? Yes; it's the first part I eat. Which body type would you say you had? Did you know whales can survive on land? :^) Have you ever flown a kite? Yeah! I used to LOVE doing that with Dad as a kid when the field across our house wasn't in use (tobacco was grown there). What’s your preferred flavour of jam? I just like grape. What kind of animal did you last pet? My cat! Name a celebrity that you admire that nobody would expect you to: I massively admire Jeffree Star's work ethic. Do you prefer to shave or wax? Shave. I used to wax my eyebrows, but now I just don't care. Would you ever have sex in a public place? Uh, no. Do you think Jenna Marbles’ videos are funny? I've actually never watched her. Your favourite pasta dish: Just your normal spaghetti with meatballs. Strangest thing you’ve ever seen? Probably what I'm assuming was a star (but it was green???) flickering and then fizzling out of the sky kind of like some sort of backwards firework. I'd been watching it literally grow over a few nights, so when this happened, it was a big "?????? the fuck??????". It honestly scared me for some reason so I went inside after that. Aliens? I say aliens. Ever had a crush on somebody of the same sex? Yes. Has anybody ever called you a bastard? I don't think so. Who is the last person you ignored? uhhhhhhh Would you wear feathers in your hair? So actually, for my first prom, I wanted to wear a blue jay feather I had in my hair, reason being Jason's nickname from his parents was always "J Bird." It ended up not working out because we couldn't make it look natural with what we had. When was the last time you were well and truly scared? Hm. Favourite member of your favourite band: Ozzy, obviously, haha. Who’s your favourite female rapper? I don't have one.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''teen idle'' by marina

[finsterhund]

Hey I fucking broke my ankle lmao

“I could really use a break right now” I say as I struggle with my dog having terminal cancer, my roommate pushing my limits, my money being nonexistent, and barely getting one meal a day.

A finger on the monkey’s paw that is me ever wanting anything in life curls again. Must have been a pretty fucked up monkey because there’s a lot of fingers on this thing by now.

So yeah, life thought I wasn’t going through enough already so it added broken fucking ankle to the list of Finsterhund suffering hours.

“I wish I wasn’t broke” is another good one. “here have a different broke then lol. go fuck yourself you rotting corpse of a victorian boy piece of shit”

here’s the goods. Got ex roommate to take photo of the screen. Doctor did not let me email the high res version to myself.

I did not go “waaaiii” on the way down, unfortunately. Life just isn’t like a video game. Probably didn’t look funny either. In reality I am a silent faller/injurer/whatever. Survival instincts of child abuse survivor I land and stay there as quiet as possible. I “grew out of” signals for help before teenage years. Which is a blessing in disguise because I don’t like people looking at me when I am hurt. it’s the “baby deer waiting for mom to come back instinct” I hide from predators.

My brain didn’t really process it when it happened. I just fell and heard a SNAP. If I had watched a video of it happening to someone else I would have found it gross but fortunately my brain just let me ignore it.

I was mostly immediately scared that I had somehow damaged the FIFTY DOLLAR dog calming aid that I got for Cazza in the pet store. I needed something like it for her and just seeing it in person and not having to pay 30 dollar shipping I was like “yeah. getting it here” fortunately the only fragile part is a little plastic capsule that imitates a heartbeat, which was packaged inside the toy inside the box. I hope. I have not opened it.

But the reason I fell is because I was also carrying giant bag of dog food. You see my vet recommended I switch out her food in light of the potential heart disease link. So I got the biggest bag of the best chicken stuff they had. My roommate might try saying that it was because the bag was too heavy. It wasn’t. I could lift that shit just fine. Bag was impossible for my impaired depth perception cringe fail line of vision to see around. The same visual impairment that prevents me from being able to drive a car made me think that I could put my foot down on the curb of the sidewalk. Dumb ass thought I was stepping OVER the curb.

Fortunately the bag of dog food broke my fall. Otherwise I’d have probably smashed my nose and teeth on the pavement. I really hope the expensive puppy calming toy is unharmed :( I say as I have a fucking broken leg.

So yeah. If you’ve seen labyrinth where David Bowie playing Jareth the Goblin King walks over all those weird ass fucked up stairs and ledges that are all a manner of odd angles? Specifically where he just takes steps that are at an angle that you cannot actually walk? Yeah I fucked up Jareth platform stairs walked over the fucking curb and snapp my legs

yes, I said legs.

Only my left is technically broken. It’s a Webber A something or other. I have a sick as hell photo if you wanna see. It’s included in this post.

But my right foot also got fucking fucked up. That one it snapped a tendon or a ligament or whatever the fuck. Get this, it snapped off a small piece of the gottamn bone. It’s not a break but it’s like it came off like a splinter. I made a joke in the hospital about how it’s like when you throw a sticky hand at the wall and when you pull it back a piece of the paint comes off with it. That was really fucking funny but nobody laughed. My friend’s group chat thought it was funny though. I did not get a photo of that foot and the tiny cringe sticky hand paint sliver bone.

I am on pain meds better than my normal pain meds. I can barely feel the legs in bed now.

So back to the parking lot. I landed on the dog food bag. I am hoping the calmeroos puppy is not broken or damaged in any way, I heard the snap but my brain is not registering the snap. This hurts “like a normal fall” I think at first. It hurts a lot of course, but I have the pain tolerance of a truck (thanks for this one Will) and a “heartwarming” story from my youth is that my mom didn’t believe my arm was broken both times it happened because I wasn’t “in pain enough” so I’ve got the firsthand experience to back that up.

Yeah then I try to fucking move my goddamn legs. Left one, broken one, there’s noises. Like cracking pop sounds. And pain. God fuck. It feels like the foot is loose and it’s only connected by fleshy flesh and muscle and skin. Aka like how my dislocated shoulder (that my mom also dismissed because I didn’t scream enough... after the lifeguard had alreayd put it back in...) had felt when I was 12.

So I’m like “oh god oh fuck oh god oh fuck I can’t get up or move” yeah my first response was “how the fuck am I going to escape?” I attempted to better myself to get up but absolutely not. Right foot feels like when I roll the damn thing which happens a lot. That *WAS* my bad ankle. sidkfjsdkfjskdf not anymore!!!!!

So an important note is that I’m technically better about my severe agoraphobia that my roommate can let me go into a store by myself provided he’s no more than a couple stores away. So while I’m waiting for a predator to pick my weak ass off outside the petstore he’s in the dollar store next door where I was supposed to meet him after putting the dog food in the car. The car I am now sitting next to. I have no way to get his attention because my phone is dead and also in my bedroom because it’s useless when not plugged into the wall.

Luckily the people parked next to us come out the store and see Mr fuck leg the fucked leg boy sitting on his bag of dog food between the cars and bless this family they help me out. By trying to get roommate out of the dollar store. Which doesn’t work. So they get the dollar store manager. Who then gets roommate out of the store. I was probably sitting there for 10 minutes or so. They had kids so I’m really trying not to let them see how fucked up the rapidly growing ankle balloon is.

But yeah. Eventually roommate come out the dollar store. And get this, he does the same shit my mom did every time anything ever fucking happened to me and is all “okay if it were really broken you’d be screaming right now” as I’m finally able to prop myself up enough to get into the car. That fucking triggered me real bad and I had a breakdown in the car while he went back into the dollar store to continue shopping.

Then we went to get food.

Then we went to costco.

He said that he would take me home and then if it was “still bad tomorrow” he’d take me to the ER.

So he tries to help me out of the car to the house.

I cannot put weight on the right leg either. It is agony. He’s trying to support the bad leg but the other leg need support too. A weaker man would have screamed but I just dropped to the parking lot ground and cried.

Made an attempt to crawl to the house but the gravel on my knees was just too much on top of everything else.

So FINALLY the ER is back on the menu. Ex roommate comes out because I need someone to support each foot. And they take me to their car and they drive me to the ER and I’m trying to eat a baconator while my foot is reminding me that we should have stayed as tiktaalik. you know, not fucking biped I want semi aquatic too please please please youre nothing

The wheelchairs in the ER are designed to offer full body support but the damn things are so hard to maneuver around and cannot be user operated. So I was sitting there having to get pushed around feeling like a dumb fuck because I hate needing assistance to move I hate it I hate it I hate it. I kept reaching down expecting to find the wheel handles but they weren’t there.

ER was... fun. There was a cool cartoon I’ve never seen before “Craig of the Creek” playing on the TV. I really want to see more of it I really liked it. But a fucking anti vax guy (YEAH REALLY) was swearing and bitching because there were kids shows on the TV This show was the only comfort I fucking had. Craig was spoonfeeding me comfort with his little freeze to death without your winter clothes adventure (RIP to him but I’m different)

But yeah. Once being treated it was all really nice. My ability to make constant jokes about fucked up injury death and suffering is a really good stress relief. Shout out to the xray tech who totally understood I use dark humor to cope and in response to my joke about how if I was a horse they'd just shoot me that I would “make wonderful glue” the other people were also very kind but I kinda felt they were intimidated by how “jovial” I was about the whole thing. Like yeah. I’m “handling it well” because that’s my whole strategy. Inside I’m screaming “please not the plates please not the plates please not the plates” (I am scared of having metal plates and screws.) Fortunately the stupid little cringe bone broke just low enough on the bone that I don’t have to get the plates and screws. I was literally begging Spot and she answered.

In my moment of weakness I decided that the true nature of the “Spot Power” is that she makes it so that when I’m going through shit I’m always “being so brave about it”

I kept thinking about how Cazza thought I had abandoned her though and while roommate did give her her evening walkies she was stressed and puked on the walk. Which fucking ruined my life and I cried more hearing that than the fucking leg.

So yeah. In canada crutches and the foot boot actually cost money. I’m out like 100 dollars. Plus like 30 because roommate wanted gas. I’m just used to it by now. I definitely need to plug Cazza’s gofundme again now though. Have no clue how I’m even going to take her to her appointments. I am hesitant to hope that roommate will give her as good walks as she needs.

There were more tears over the fact that I was going to fail Cazza than that I actually broke my fucking ankle.

This shouldn’t be a shock. I knew that eventually my visual impairment and my physical disability were going to team up on me and fuck up my body even worse somehow. Always thought it was going to be stairs though. A small comfort is apparently the x ray department has had four other people come in about the exact same curb. Yeah I kid you not. The curb between the redacted dollar store and the redacted pet store confirmed for Heart of Darkness 2: Andy Ankle Adventure

They were supposed to give me more pain meds but I guess I didn’t pick them up or they forgot or something. My brain is fried so i have no idea at all.

Crutches are a massive learning curve for someone with depth issues and balance issues. I almost fell face first on the goddamn crutches several times. If I wasn’t broke and you know, if I couldn’t fucking not leg broken walk leg I would go to hardware store and make a wheeling seat thing like those scooters in gym class and then I’d have Cazza pull me on walks. That would work.

Big issue is in and out of our place is fucking stairs. Yeah. I crawled up them on hands and knees. No way in hell with my already fucking broken mobility could I go crutches up them. I have to hold onto railing or I fall down stairs so crawling it was.

I can technically take the boot off to sleep but the tightness makes it so much better so fuck that. Wish I had the rolling elementary school gym class scooter so I could drag myself around the house.

Cazza doted on me like nothing else. She tried to brace me going up the stairs but she’s not big enough for what I’d need with this fucking leg problem. She helped me change out of my clothes though. Even though she’ll never be certified she’s still my everything.

The she cuddled close to me until I had calmed down and now she’s fast asleep in her bed. I am so glad I ended up giving her her bath before going out.

I am going to attempt to make it to my bloodwork appointment tomorrow. I have rescheduled that due to chemo appointments too many times.

I can’t remember if I’m forgetting anything else. Honestly my roommate telling me the exact same shit my mom did just fucking hurt so bad. I think I know my own body better than you do. Like I’ve told him about how she didn’t believe me and I had to beg her to take me to the hospital and he ended up doing the exact same shit. All because I didn’t outwardly exhibit being in enough pain apparently.

I just hate how being disabled you always have to fucking prove you’re disabled. Like I was expected to somehow walk back to the house and up the stairs but when I got to go to the ER yeah fucking broken lol.

I just wish I had parents. I need taking care of. I always did and I never got it.

I’m scared for the future. I don’t know how I’m going to manage or how I’m going to provide for Cazza.

I wish breaking my ankle could have made Cazza’s cancer go away

#text post #negative #long post #cw: injury #broken bones #ask me to tag #cw: medical

[salemroleplayhq]

❝Every day we all become the balance of our choices – choices between love and fear, belief or despair. Optimism is our instinct to inhale while suffering.❞

MEET…

Milo Boone

Age: 30

Birthday: August 31, 1990

Gender/Pronouns: Demi Male / he/they

Hometown: Greenlake, MT

Length of time in Salem: 16 years

Occupation: Yoga Teacher / Novelist / Fortune Teller

Faceclaim: Robert Sheehan

THEIR STORY

tw: homophobia, family death

Looking at a tiny newborn baby boy and naming him Milo Rupert Amadeus Boone Carpenter is something reserved for ridiculously wealthy families. Normal people don’t give their children three middle names, but Duncan and Mindy Carpenter, in the mountains of Montana, thought it was a perfect name for their first and only child.

Milo Boone, on its own, however, is a relatively unassuming name. Anyone meeting Milo Boone, who is now a grown man living in the sketchiest area of Salem, would simply smile and nod (and probably cross the road to avoid being mugged, as one does in that part of town), and assume nothing about the man’s privileged upbringing. How could they know?

Milo Carpenter was raised by seven different nannies, all of whom he called ‘Nanny’ and nothing else. He was spoiled to hell, six tantrums a day minimum, and his parents never knew a thing about it. They never knew anything about their son at all, preferring to leave the parenting to Nanny, until one day they came home to find a scrawny eight-year-old Milo teetering in his mother’s Louboutins.

They’d never truly seen him before, but their eyes never left him after that. Before, they’d used their adorable son for photo ops, as being seen as Family Oriented helped Duncan’s political career. Unfortunately, in rural Montana in the 90s, being Family Oriented also meant being straight, white and Christian. A child showing such ‘obvious’ signs of homosexuality had to be dealt with immediately.

They got stricter. They got meaner. They got pastors and shrinks and a dude calling himself an ‘ex-gay mentor’. Milo didn’t understand any of it, or what any of it had to do with wearing his mother’s shoes, but he finally had a chance to make his parents proud of him, so he tried.

He finally understood what the problem was - or what they thought the problem was - when he was eleven. He developed a crush on a boy called Jack and discovered that his parents been right about him all along. There was something wrong with him. He did need help. So, always honest, he told them about Jack.

Everything got much worse. And when he turned 13, they sent him away.

He was told at conversion therapy camp that there were three cures for his disease: 1) Build “healthy same-sex non-sexual friendships”, 2) Become more ‘masculine’, and 3) Date girls. This didn’t feel like a problem for Milo. He’d always liked girls, and had plenty of male friends he didn’t have crushes on. And pretending to be manly just seemed like acting, which was something he’d always loved anyway.

So then why was the treatment that was supposed to last for a summer taking two years to work? He’d left the camp, started high school… he got along with his new friends, he sat and walked and talked like a ‘real man’ - he even had a girlfriend he was totally into. If he was doing all the right things, why did he keep getting distracted by cute boys in gym class? Still always honest, he told his parents about this, too.

In a last ditch effort (or more likely just to be rid of him once and for all), the Carpenters sent their son to live with Mindy’s cousin in Massachusetts. They barely knew her, and Milo had never met her, but anything was better than having a gay teenage son when Duncan was trying to run for office. So once again, they sent him away. He arrived in Salem and was greeted at the airport by the oldest woman he had ever seen, with the brightest gap-toothed smile. Her name was Dahlia, and she was the first person to make Milo feel actually loved.

She had an adorable little house in the center of town, and he helped her take care of it. She told him he wasn’t broken, and he almost believed her. They became best friends over the year they knew each other, but unfortunately that was all the time they got. He was sixteen when she died, leaving what little she had to him in her will.

The legal battle after Dahlia’s death happened while he was in a fog of grief, but when his lawyer mentioned emancipation, he woke up a little bit. Dahlia had taught him to take care of himself and others, she’d taught him to love and to live without fear. She’d let him borrow her heels, even though they were four sizes too small. He would never have been able to if he hadn’t met her, but he knew that now, he could say yes.

It worked, of course. Mindy and Duncan wanted nothing to do with Milo, and encouraged his decision to drop their last name - the first encouragement he ever got from them. He never missed a day of school, picked up acting and singing and painting and writing and decided that free was the only thing he ever wanted to be. He’s found some labels that fit him - genderfluid, demi-male, pansexual, etc - but he knows he can change them whenever he wants.

Sixteen years after arriving in Salem, he’s still living in the same adorable little house in the middle of town, although now it’s decorated all over with paintings he’s done and photos he’s taken. He’s got yoga mats and aerial silks, candles and tarot cards, a copy of the novel he wrote, and a pair of his very own Louboutins. He’s silly, and flirty, and outspoken… everything he was never allowed to be. Some people call him childish, but he doesn’t mind. Everyone should get to be a kid.

PERSONALITY

+   creative, charismatic, whimsical

-   immature, self-centered, outspoken

Milo is played ADMIN EM.

#milo boone #nb #all #oc rp #town rp #city rp #lsrpg