#but as their own people with their own unique(ly horrible) experiences

[scarletspider2the2ndpower]

“Sibling Rivalry: Part 2,” Scarlet Spider (Vol. 2/2012), #20.

Writers: Christopher Yost and Erik Burnham; Pencilers: Pat Olliffe and In-Hyuk Lee; Inker: In-Hyuk Lee; Colorists: Lee Loughridge and In-Hyuk Lee; Letterer: Joe Caramagna

#Marvel #Marvel comics #Marvel 616 #Scarlet Spider vol. 2 #Scarlet Spider 2012 #Scarlet Spider #Kaine #Kaine Parker #there are So Many things here that haunt me #first just that reminder of no matter how uncountable the Parker clones are who KNOWS what the heck went down with #the Jackal’s undoubtably many attempts to clone Gwen #and yeah they just raise an interesting dynamic here that I wished was explored here #Parker clone and Stacey clone solidarity #not necessarily because of any kind of bond Peter and Gwen had #but as their own people with their own unique(ly horrible) experiences

[bonnie-is-bumbling]

"I'm not trying to steal the spotlight. I'm just neurodivergent and trying to relate to you."

My friend and I were in Discord, having a discussion, and this came up. I thought it was a worthwhile point to spread.

See, before diagnosis, I had been through the wringer over this. The most memorable was a lady in Second Life, who told me I was only stealing the spotlight and not responding to her, just continuing on my own stories.

Me? I was confused. And I truly felt awful when she told me how it made her feel. I apologized, but it was not accepted.

I was told that I was just saying that, and being told to prove I was sorry.

It was maybe a year ago, possibly two. I don't even remember her name. But I do remember how I felt. I remember it clear as day. (I actually sometimes gripe at myself for hanging onto it. My brain clearly didn't get the memo that it's waaaay done and over with.)

I felt like a horrible piece of subhuman shite. I called myself a narcissist, and went into a full panic and upset, I told everyone to block me for their own safety, I changed my username, profile, everything to just call myself a big nope and warn people away. I know- overreact, much?

I couldn't afford a diagnosis, I had been told I was Neurotypical and just 'Unique' my whole life. But it still makes me walk on eggshells. And I mean I do it with everyone. Even those I love.

The Second Life lady was by far not the only time online, or in person that I had this experience and it b r o k e me. The way I try to conduct myself is that I try to extend kindness. And to be a spotlight thief is unkind. So that must mean I am unkind?... That's how I took it. That I was lying to myself, that I was cruel, inconsiderate, a narcissist, an asshole, a manipulative piece of shit. And that's so bloody toxic to myself, and inadvertently, others.

I wanted, not to die, but to cease my existence, so nobody would have ever been hurt by me in the past, present, or future. I struggled, and still do. I still lay down like a doormat so I don't offend the people who, in all reality, would be fine if I put in my opinion or thoughts. Because my mind, even after dx, still worries about crushing the one eggshell that sends the other person into upset, caused by me. Even when I'm not the guilty party, I will still feel guilt over an upset and try to fix it.

I'm aware this isn't great, but today, it's leaps and bounds away from where I was. I've actually been able to stand up for myself some, or brush some things off. At least consciously. My self-talk has improved. I try not to rely 9n my diagnosis, but when I feel it's necessary, I will inform my partner in conversation. It doesn't always get through to them, but... After that, I can much more easily accept if it just goes awry. I do fight with myself, and have to try so hard not to label myself so horribly right away. Healing is NOT easy.

Those of us who can't afford official diagnosis, or can't access it. We're in pain and we don't know what's going on. If you see someone seeming to steal the spotlight, please don't accuse them of doing so to belittle you right away.

Look at what they're saying or why they might be saying it. Give them the same opportunity you would want. I didn't mean to be a jerk and steal the spotlight when I was accused. I know that for a fact. I thought we were making conversation, truly and honestly, and the accusations hit like a bullet to the general view of myself.

Those of us without diagnosis, please don't think of yourself as I did of myself. Look into what you truly intended, and try not to bully yourself over it. It feels horrible, especially when you don't know why it's happening, and why you're 'like this'. Your mental health, no matter your condition; no matter of your diagnosis status, does not deserve the hurt. If you meant well and were accused of being cruel, you still meant well. Hold onto that knowledge. Correct what you feel you need to. Take responsibility, but just don't beat yourself up like I did!

You've got this, and even if you don't have a diagnosis, or can't get one, know you're still valid in how you feel, function, and think.

I'm still practicing this myself, but...

Have patience with yourself. You're doin' ya best! ♡

#my thougts #ramblings #mental health #self care #autism #adhd #neurodivergence #neurodivergent problems #emotional validation #mental health journey #memories #feelings #you are amazing #neurodivergent speech patterns #self healing #you aren't alone #bumbling

[oneguyquill]

In defense of Jacob Hopkins

So you all remember Jacob Hopkins right? If you don’t recognize the name you’ll probably recognize his face.

He’s the conspiracy theorist rapscallion who kidnapped Vee and tried to dissect her with a fancy kitchen knife. Suffice it to say he is quite a bad dude.

However I have been in the unique position of thinking about this middle aged cartoon man for a year and a half now because of reasons, and I’ve come to certain revelations about him that I’ll be discussing in this post.

The basic gist of the post is that Jacob deserves to be cut at little bit of slack for his actions. Whether you kind of agree with that statement, don’t care either way, or think the man is an irredeemable scumbag I’d be appreciative if you read through my ramblings and leave a comment about what you think.

I’m going to preface my defense of Jacob by stating the obvious, that he’s a pretty horrible person. He set up traps most definitely without a permit which endangered not only wild animals but people walking through the forest. He harassed the lady working at Robin’s Roast and most likely several other people in Gravesfield. He set up an ego stroking exhibit in a museum without permission. He put his hand on Camila’s shoulder while talking to her, displaying a lack of respect for personal space. He in general acts like a self centered prick who only cares about being famous through his discovery and capturing of demons. And of course his horrendous treatment of Vee where he stalked her, put her in a cage, muzzled her, and attempted to stab her. And given his nature he most definitely did a number of other morally dubious things that weren’t displayed in the show.

However when looking at the context behind his actions it becomes apparent that Jacob’s life is really fucking sad.

He stated himself that he started his search for paranormal entities after he had an encounter with Eda in her owl beast form, of which he has a picture of.

Since it’s a polaroid picture, and Eda is looking directly at the photo it is almost certain that Jacob took this photo in person. Which means he was with the owl beast, in the forest, when it was dark, alone, with no previous experience with demons, witches, of magical creatures.

Imagine how terrifying that would be. No magic glyphs to help you. No pseudo titan sibling to give you moral support. No house to hide in. Just you and this creature that looks nothing like you’ve ever seen before. A creature that happens to attack anything that moves.

Now imagine after somehow escaping that situation alive and getting home, you just have to continue on with your life. Jacob never got an apology or an explanation from Eda, because she doesn’t remember what she does in her owl beast form. So Jacob has to just keep on living his life, going to work, running errands, paying bills, all while dealing with the trauma of almost being mauled by a giant bird monster.

And although he could deal with his trauma by talking to someone about it and lying that he had an encounter with a bear, that would only deal with his surface level issues. It wouldn’t deal with the existential fear of seeing a creature that no one in the human realm has ever seen before. Because if something like that is just waltzing around in the woods, then what other horrors could be lurking under the collective nose of humanity?

And there’s only one group of people that would be able to ease this existential fear.

The conspiracy theorists. The nut jobs. The people who think the earth is flat. It’s these kinds of people who Jacob would be able to talk to online and get closure for what he experienced. He said himself that he learned the “truth” after watching some mewtube videos.

I would like to clarify that I am not justifying Jacob’s actions, or woobify him. He should be held accountable for his actions as someone who has the free will to make his own choices. What I’m trying to say though is that Jacob was predisposed to going down the path of the delusional conspiracy theorist because of the actions of Eda. It was because Eda was irresponsible enough to turn into the owl beast in a realm that doesn’t have the knowledge or means to properly subdue it that Jacob started down the path he did.

Even if he did everything right and tried his hardest to be a good person he would have still been scarred from mental wounds that he could never heal from because he doesn’t have access to the knowledge to understand what hurt him.

Jacob didn’t have the full picture. All of the other villains of the show understood the situation they were in, what they were doing, who they were hurting, and chose to do bad things anyway. But Jacob doesn’t really understand the demon realm through no fault of his own, because once again he has no way to learn about it. The only experience he has with it is with his encounter with Eda, and it was most likely was a very unpleasant one. So since he only has that one encounter to base his view on the supernatural on, it makes a lot of sense why he sees witches and demons as a threat to humanity.

However there is a massive counterargument to the argument I have been making so far, and that is that Jacob in the show was explicitly shown to be motivated not by a fear of demons, but rather by a selfish desire to get fame through MewTube verification and being seen as a hero. To that I say, that is absolutely correct.

My defense of Jacob has been based on scraps given by the show that I am certain were never meant to be overanalyzed to this degree. Jacob was put into the show to give lore for the Wittebanes, to be a villain to advance the plot, and to make fun of conspiracy theorists out of touch with reality. And so the image of Jacob that the show gives, and the one that is reflected by pretty much all of the fan content I’ve seen involving him is that he is a moron and that he is evil.

As I said earlier, he’s a horrible person. Maybe he was always a horrible person and his discovery of the existence of demons was just an excuse to have an outlet for his horribleness. And maybe after the series he continues to be a horrible person until the day he dies.

In the end though Jacob is a fictional character whom I can interpret however I want, and as such I choose to interpret him as someone a bit more complex than stupid and evil.

I chose to interpret him as someone who was a decent person before his encounter with Eda, who afterwards in order to deal with the trauma of the encounter subscribes to radical conspiracy theories, abandoning the morals he previously had in order to achieve the fame he feels he deserves for taking on the task of what he considers saving the world.

And after the series I chose to interpret him as someone who realized how horrible a person he was, and made an effort to change himself for the better.

PS: I’ll be writing a fic about that by the way. Jacob being redeemed that is. Don’t expect it to come out anytime soon because I have no experience writing a story and I’m still in the early stages.

#jacob hopkins #the owl house #toh #character analysis

[indignantlemur]

Hi and hello, for the director's cut ask: What was your reasoning behind making Vrath (an fine and upstanding citizen) lose a fight to some guy from the ice-water loser clan? It's a well-known fact that Sannev are weaklings who think a proper warrior fights with lies and deception (which is understandable since most of the poor guys wouldn't know the business end of a sword if you stuck them with it. i'm not saying one should stick them with the business end of a sword, especially not with the Imperial decree re:bloodfeuds, because *some* clans like Tha'an know their manners and to put the greater good of Andoria before their own selfish agendas). So Vrath should clearly have won that fight. As anyone with a basic understanding of clan politics can see. Care to defend yourself, vile Sannev-catspaw?

(or substitute ⭐ !)

WELL FIRST OF ALL, HOW DARE YOU? Clan Sannev is an ancient and noble clan, a clan of patriots - how dare you, the absolute gall, the sheer nerve-

Alright, but seriously. Imagine the scene: you're at a party. It's loud and colourful and full of people in Kumari Square. You've been invited by your new tiny alien friend to meet up with them. You're excited, because the tiny alien is adorable and kind of a big deal and also a lot nicer than you'd expected! And she has spots! And she likes you! Really, the whole thing is just very exciting all around. And there she is! She's sitting with another Andorian - some Guardsman, you can't recognize him underneath all that paint from this distance and you probably wouldn't know him anyway. That's fine! If they're friends with the little Human alien then they're probably okay! So, full of enthusiasm, you drop on in, plonking yourself down on the bench to surprise your newest friend!

The tackle is a surprise, really. You don't see it coming at all. One minute you're about to say hi to your Human friend and now you're on the ground and your arm is twisted behind your back - and oh, look. The Guardsman is a Sannev Clansman. You know, from the Clan that's been feuding with yours for literal centuries. And you? You're barely above a cadet, you're just a junior investigator who isn't even allowed to carry a weapon in public yet - practically a baby - while this asshole has years of Guardsman training and a ushaan-tor at the ready.

Well, roozhnaath.

So maybe, just maybe, if you had been prepared you might have had a chance - but you weren't, and now you are face-first in the snow, questioning A) your life choices, B) your alien friend's taste in Andorians, and C) your taste in alien friends.

By you, of course, I mean Vrath. Poor, unsuspecting Vrath who probably didn't deserve any of this even a little bit, and then had the unique experience of being yelled at by the tiny alien (aka Dagmar) on top of everything else. Most folks would have gone home, crawled into bed, and wrote the whole thing off as a bad day. Not Vrath, though! Vrath stays, even though it means gritting her teeth trying not to throw hands at this actually kinda handsome stupid, horrible, lying Sannev Clansman and pretending to make nice for the Human's sake.

Also, Vrath really doesn't want Dagmar to yell again. It was a little scary.

#emigre by indignantlemur #andorian #star trek #andorians #headcanon #chapter 41 of emigre by indignantlemur #Andorian clan politics

[rivendellsstuff]

𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 ━━━ 𝐋𝐄𝐕𝐈 𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐍

𝐀𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮 | ❝In despair, he condemns his desires. Regretted, he know the consequences would be eternal and all he wanted was you. Your fiery personality, bright lips and soft skin.❞

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 2310;

Genre: friends to lovers;

𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐫: Mentions of canon-typical violence. The first chapter is set before the events of the first season. Friends with benefits — so, it'll be eventual smut (like, a lot!)

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: English isn't my natives language, so if you spot a misspelled word or anything else, feel free to let me know.

━━━━ 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑

Some men's whish the glory, others crawl like snakes by power and there is those who live like rats in the system. However, there is a exception — and his names is Levi Ackerman. Emerged from the underground, by dust and blood, forged as a weapon at an early age and steeped in pride, he raised as humanity's strongest soldier. He carries a doctrine, imbedded in his bones: he serves to humanity, the balance and the freedom of mankind. If there is a threat, he is the man who can fight against it, ranging from cruel people to evil titans.

He was born in cruel times and did his best to survive in the Underground. He found a glory he wasn't looking for. Something many wish to through their lives, but which, for him, was irrelevant. They all bleed, they all are stuck on the Walls and share the same ended chapter: the death. The final outcome is not defined by possessions, achievements or privileges in life. The only difference was that could get death any easier and painless. Levi was not a hypocrite: he would rather a peaceful death, lying on his bed, instead of being eaten by a titan.

He rather — and is all what it is. It wasn't like if he had any choice. The Ackerman's family were designed to protect the people and to fight. They were cursed with a power. Some people could say it is a miracle in dark times. Others would argue that mans were corrupted, cruel and too ambitious to deal with that awakened power. Well, Levi knows, that no everyone were worthy to possess such ability — Kenny, that asshole, was one of them.

However, there was kind strange situation. An only exception, an affliction that hung over through the heart and maddened his mind: you.

Desire wasn't a word enough to define how he feels close to you, a fearless female warrior, who destroy each barrier he has built over the years, causing delirium with the thought of you hurt. Levi knew he would have taken a checkmate just by desiring you.

But when it all starts? He couldn't say with sure. Maybe, when he, Farlan and Isabel were recruited by the Survey Corps, and you were the only one who spoke to them without undriveable mock and trial. You, besides Erwin, didn't seem to care where they came from. As deeply loyal as you were to your comrades, you didn't depend on your interactions with them for take a direction — you were content to follow your own passions and desires without input from anyone else.

Maybe it started when he saw you in battle or an a argue with a member of Military Police Regiment. Fear is not in yours's vocabulary when you are on the battlefield or when you are speaking her mind to others.

As their partnership grew, he'd find some similarities between you, but also many differences.

You, just like him, has little patience for any form of prose or riddles when you are communicating with others. You speak bluntly and without pretense, and expects others to do the same, prefers to get to the point and doesn’t seek to romanticize your expectations or intentions. You also are focused on the present issues and what role you can play in protecting the people that you love, what can prevent you from seeing the future results of your present actions and, unlike him, does result in some impulsive and risky — yet brave— actions.

All these little things over the years, made him fall in love with you, and Levi had ways to say it without saying "I love you".

Like that night.

He wasn't hiding his disgust face when handed you a cup full of that steaming, black liquid; the simply smelling coffee could make your stomach turn, but still, he prepares a cup for you every night.

As the second in the command, you have spent several evenings together conducting the next advances of the squadron. So, there you are, sitting next to him, eyes focused on the paper, turning the pen between your fingers and... biting your lower lip.

Occasionally, almost instinctively Levi raises his eyes to you. Being so close of you was it's a unique feeling. The smell of your perfume as stunning, and his throat closes around the words he would like to say. The tension that has been brought in was too dangerous for someone like him.

Fucking woman, fucking lips. Fuck you!

''Is there a problem?'', you inquired making eye contact for the first time that night. He couldn't say if there was perversion when you wet your own lips, but Levi felt his muscles become tense and contracted when you made it.

Levi responded with a faint whimper before observed: ''You shouldn't be drinking so much coffee at this time. You look like shit when don't get sleep''.

Lie. Fucking hell, you're always beautiful, but no way he'd say what he thought.

You rolled your eyes. ''It's you who did'', you put forth.

''I wasn't in the mood to put up with a brat attitude from you.''

''Brat? You know that we have about the same age, don't you?'', your gaze traveled from the figure sat in front of you to the window, confused as to why you would be embarrassed about his presence. You took in a breath before adding: ''Anyway, don't want sleep.''

There was a pause for a few seconds. You and he eyed each other.

''Why?'', he asks, authoritative one.

You shrugged and shook your head firmly. ''It doesn't matter.''

''If it doesn't matter, why would I have asked that?''

"Cause you're snooper”, you smirked.

''I'm not a snooper, brat."

He felt his heart begin to quicken when you carried the pen to your lips and start biting.

"Yes, you are a horrible snooper old man, bossy and with an astonishing mania for cleanliness."

"Old? You know we have about the same age”; he repeats. His eyes drifted back to your face, noticing your gaze had shifted again to the woods beyond the window. "And you're avoiding the question", he softly says (at least as softy as he could be), interrupting your rampant thoughts. "Are you alright?"

Levi watches in silence as you'd shoulders slump.

"I can't sleep. My mind has the scary capability of being evil, although I always thought that one day it'd get better", you're voice was low and flat, quiet and a little sad as you spoke to Levi, who seemed to know what are you exactly referred to and only nodded at your words. "I feel guilty. All the time."

Even in the darkness the room held, your eyes find his greys one like the starlight's.

''Are you afraid of your dreams, too?'', you asked, never expecting the humanity strongest soldier to have any fears.

'Yes'', he said quietly.

You nodded with hesitation, his words repainting in your head as you struggled to forma a sentence to answered.

Levi was used to such sadness, he had month's — no, years — to griever over the deaths of his mother and friends. Death was not uncommon thing in his life. His childhood who should be carefree, playing in the sun, was like a living nightmare, learning to fight in the darkness of Underground. Later, when he left the place to join the Survey Corps, he accepted to live in that never ending tragedy that people had sadly grown used to. Death was more common in that job than anything else, and he knows how badly it fuck with his mind.

“I’m beginning to think we’re a lot alike… you and me. We’re both strange cast, who’ve learned to fight when we’re backed into a corner'', you began weakly.

''Well, we’re backed into a corner now. Two fucking insomniacs”, he shook his head, thinking about your words. He didn't seem to like the way your voice sounded sadder. You raised your eyes to him again as he slowly spoke: ''You're not alone''

You answered a tiny smile onto your lips. Levi felt his cheeks burn and opposite glanced to your empty coffee cup, thinking that he'll able to always tolerate your strange addiction.

A few second later you both went back to work, and Levi was left with words stuck, temptation planted in the mind and a sure thing for him: the insomniac nights would become better by you.

【 ━━ 】

Inside Wall Sheena, guests were arriving, among them five members of the Scout Regiment - consisting mostly of commanders - walked through the gates, exuding self-confidence, bitter to participate in that boring and stupid meeting.

Little lies, little social sacrifices to feed what kept the Scout Regiment going: funding.

It was not necessary to be an expert in politics to see beyond the traditional veil of those events, to perceive the intentions of certain parliamentarians, very sadistic. Knowing it was part of your job to relate to these kinds of people annoyed you.

For one minute, you saw out of the corner of your eyes, the first on your command. The man of grey eyes used a black suit that fits perfectly. Be present in an event with so many politics didn't seem to his liking. Was kind of hard for all of you play nice one with all this tension in the air.

You've never felt the feeling of fear and tension like that inside the Walls before.

''Stop frowning before you break your face''

'It would be so sad, and you would cry for being depriving of that beautiful face''

''Oh, fuck yourself'', he says, angrily.

''If you watch''

You smirched at his expression as he looks up to you, after seeing your face, he turns away.

''Watch your words, brat''

''Or what, old man? What will you do to me?''

He looks back up at you.

''I could break you habit of drinking coffee, put you to clean all the HQ or even to help Hange with the experiments. The three together seems good, by the way''

You roll your eyes.

''You're mean''

'You're annoying'', he replied. ''And you know, if you keep rolling your eyes one day their going to get stuck like that''

''Are you trying to be funny?''

His little grin showed up making you roll eyes into a smile. He was terribly bossy and annoying, but you like that about him.

You took the glass of wine to your lips and raised your eyes to hit his. Levi hovered over you, making you felt that flame into your heart once more. Your eyes tailed down to Levi's lips then back to his eyes. You could feel your heart beating recklessly.

Fucking grey eyes, fucking black suit. Fuck you!

You felt a thumb on your cheeks, making them burn.

''You look...'', he started whispered and slightly caress your cheeks. Your body started to get hot under his soft touch. ''... beautiful. You look beautiful''

You were speechless.

You liked the sudden ardor, of the dangerous attraction, of folly and frivolous with provocative sins. Liked and thought how the taste of his lips would be: the indomitable, the irresistible, the powerful and sin.

He slowly dragged his hand down to my thorax wrapping his hands around it. A soft gasp escaped of your lips.

''You know... If you want dance, it'll not rude to ask'', you try to say. ''The song is awful, but I'm not a demanding partner''

''Only if you don’t step on my foot''

His prepotency make you smile.

''Don’t be a bad partner and there will be no mistakes'', you retorted, making him raised one of the eyebrows. ''That's how a men should behave next to a woman''

He took you in his arms, abruptly, making the bodies collide with intensity. You gasped, very close to Levi's ears, who felt the hairs stand on the back of his neck. Leading you through music, in no second was the look averted, in a battle for unknown control.

You and Levi explored a unique experience.

He stares burned deep into your body. His touch on your skin made your body tingle.

Fuck, control yourself. Don't get turned on by him!

He didn't say anything, just left you hold into him. You could feel your body burning around him. What was he doing to you? It felt like a spell. The effect of sin, of desire. You should get rid of that, all you needed least were distractions in the workplace and ruin the friendship, trust and partnership that you two took so long to build.

However, both keep looking to each other longer than friends should. Longer than friends should...

He could saw you lost inside your mind. Slowly, he pulled down his fingers, lazily touching the skin of your exposed back by the dress. Levi's vision was blinded by the desire his image represented. The surroundings smelled wine and fruits, intoxicating his sense. The ears, doomed to hear the political bullshit. His tact could burn by touching you. His taste? It was dangerous, because wanted to discover the taste of your lips and body.

But not now, not here.

You are his friend — the only who was left. In despair, he condemns his desires. Regretted, he knew the consequences would be eternal and all he wanted was you. Your fiery personality, bright lips and soft skin.

To hell all of that. When you both got back, he'll fucked you, every way that he can thinking off. He wants to pound into you, slammed into you and give the best night that you ever have. He wants to kiss every inch of your skin.

''Good girl'', he whispers next to your ears. ''But I'll show you how true men should behave next to a woman when we get back''

#aot x reader #attack on titan imagine #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman imagine #levi x you #levi smut #levi ackerman series #attack on titan fanfiction

[whale-minmin]

Ooo some mafia or yandere headcannons for exo?

EXO as the Mafia

tw : mafia, drugs, weapons, drug dealing, torture, violence, seducing, manipulation, stealing, crimes

Suho :

Leader

· He has connections everywhere

· Literally everywhere

· He holds one of the most respected mafias in the whole world after his parents retired and passed it onto him

· No one dares to pick fights with his mafia, knowing it'd end extremely badly

· He has one of the best men from all around the world

· Not even the police dares to put a finger on his mafia, the consequences also well known to them

· He has outstanding money managing skills, one of the many things that make his mafia superior

Xiumin :

Underboss

· Very basically, Junmyeon’s trusted right hand

· He's sneaky and devious 

· Nobody dares to mess with him, knowing he’s unpredictable and capable of everything

· He never loses. No matter what, he’s never going to lose

· If you try to pick fights with him, be prepared to lose everything

· Strict but caring to the mafia, he treats them as his family but also makes sure everything is perfect and on place

Lay :

Underboss 2

· He is known for his medical skills, having lots of beforehand experience with gunshot wounds, stab wouds etc.

· He sees the mafia as his family, he swore to protect them with his whole life

· He's intimidating and scary, and his enemies know better than to face him

· Is often seen in China doing business, having multiple connections here

· Never gives up. Even if he knows he’ll lose, he will not give up no matter what

Baekhyun :

Assassin

· The simple name Byun Baekhyun is feared in the whole mafia community

· Trust me, you don't ever want to cross paths with this man

· He is swift and quick in his job, you won't even notice him creeping up behind you

· He's one of the best assassins in the entire world, even the very FBI is too scared of him

· A man of many jobs, he can torture, kidnap, seduce if only needed

Chen :

The Informant

· Extremely loyal, you will never catch him slipping

· Even if he was offered millions of money for just a little bit of information of his mafia

· He's cruel and horrible but holds a perfect, clean image to people outside the mafia

· Doesn't do any dirty work, instead he has his own group of men to do that for him, he can't stain his perfect image

· He knows everything, literally everything

Chanyeol :

The Dealer

· He deals with drugs, weapons, ( fake ) information about the mafia etc.

· He's an expert in dealing, he can instantly see lies and scam through

· And trust me, the brave ones who are stupid enough to try and scam him.. end up badly

· People say he's out of his mind, he's unstable and unpredictable

· For him, violence is always the answer

D.O :

Interrogator

· He has a unique effect on people, getting them to talk without needing to do anything

· He immediately knows when one lies, no lie can get past him

· He never uses violence, he's gentle and can be scary – but he always gets the truth out of everyone he interrogates

· He's calm and patient, he never loses patience even under the pressure of stress

· He holds a special connection with his childhood friend he grew up with, Jongin

Kai :

Seducer

· He seduces and manipulates his victims, all of them falling for his charms

· He thinks it's fun how naive they are, believing that he's really attracted to them

· Oh, how wrong they are.

· He only sees them as toys to play with and throw out

· He has been all alone, engaging in gangs and street fights since childhood, D.O's family finding him and adopting him

Sehun :

Kidnapper

· He has been introduced to the mafia life since young

· At first he just got simple, easy jobs like stealing from a shop, robbing someone etc.

· Only when he got older, he got promoted to a kidnapper

· He has multiple kidnapping styles depending on his victim – seducing, violence, lying etc.

❀❀❀❀❀ a/n ❀❀❀❀❀

Thank you for requesting! I hope you like it <3

❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀

None of the gifs are mine!

Taglist :

@atiny-chocolate-chip @lmaoskz

#exo #mafia exo #exo mafia au #exo mafia #mafia #kpop #this took me AGES #a small scenario for yall : chanyeol flirts with baek 24/7 which just results in baek punching him and flipping him off #no im not a chanbaek shipper but i just thought that was cutee #a cute idea just popped up in my head actually :( but we are not making an exo mafia series i didnt even finish the 2nd gambler chapter bru #h #kaisoo's friendship is just chefs kiss and there is no way i wouldnt include it #suho #xiumin #jongin #mafia kpop #kpop mafia #chen #kyungsoo #sehun #chanyeol #baekhyun #lay #exo headcanons #exo ff #exo imagines #kpop ff #kpop imagines #kpop headcanons

[cardentist]

the insistence that trans men face a lesser kind of oppression than trans women is no different from the insistence that bisexuality is a watered down form of gayness

all of these groups can have different relationships with their oppression thanks to how they’re presented and perceived by society (invisibility in media vs overt demonization in media for instance) but these differences being boiled down to one group being distinctly More Important or More Authentically Oppressed than the other is legitimately harmful.

on the surface both of these ideas seem to make a sort of logical sense. trans men are trans people But Men, and we all know how men are treated by society. bi people are like gay people except they also like people of a different gender, and straight people like it when you do that. add on the relative invisibility and there isn’t much in the mainstream to challenge those ideas. 

the truth of the matter is that invisibility affects more than just mainstream media. this idea that bi people or trans men have lesser experiences with oppression are gut instinct because their voices, their experiences, have a history of under-representation. people don’t Hear the experiences that the people in these groups face and then create conditions within queer (and activist) spaces that treat those people like their voices matter less because they’re privileged. this creates a cycle where these groups are devalued and talked over because these groups are Already devalued and talked over.

this all pares horribly with the atmosphere in discourse (and particularly exclusionist) spaces where identities are used as social capital that is enforced by tearing down whoever it is you think is encroaching on your space. it’s not uncommon to see posts talking about the experiences of one identity that goes out of their way to exclude whatever’s being spoken of from another identity that they see as lesser, deliberately putting another identity down and crushing their voices in the conversation to lift themselves up. (the sheer amount of times I’ve seen a post start with “trans men Never-” while describing something I experience in my daily life is exhausting)

the most insidious thing about this is the fact that when you create an environment where oppression is social capital then someone trying to assert their lived experiences with their oppression when you view them as under you is considered overtly aggressive and is often framed as bigotry within itself, because theoretically if they’re equal to you then your social capital has been lowered. you see this Constantly within ace discourse, with people doing things like calling asexuality Inherently homophobic because they didn’t want to acknowledge another marginalized group’s oppression.

this can be particularly dangerous when it leaks into broader and more serious subject matter and colors how people look at and talk about a marginalized identity’s experiences. one of the bigger arguments in these spaces was that trans men are literally incapable of experiencing misogyny and this notion was enforced by people directly discrediting trans men talking about their experiences (telling people that they’re lying about their experiences, that their experiences didn’t happen in the way or for the reason that they said they did, and sometimes intentionally misgendering the person to discredit it). I had personal experience with that which was, not great I gotta say.

this kind of target vitriol isn’t unique to any of the mentioned groups, in fact it’s something that goes both ways. there are trans men who are absolutely Horrible to trans women. but well meaning people in activist spaces are particularly skittish to stand up for trans men in this situation because they’re Aware that trans women are particularly marginalized (which they are) while also being affected by the lack of visibility for trans men. I’ve seen people who engage with Nasty discourse defending asexuality, nonbinary people, transness in general, bi/pan people, etc who outright Refused to get involved in when it was trans men on the line because it wasn’t Worth it to them. that’s definitely anecdotal evidence on my part but it’s emblematic of a bigger issue.

moreover, there’s a common trend in and around queer spaces where people identify vulnerable groups based on how established they are and go out of their way to hurt those on the outskirts because they know that it’ll be tolerated. from asexuals to nonbinary people to mogai to neogenders to pan people to intersex people to polygamous people to bi people and beyond. what you’ll see a lot of is transphobic cis women extend performative activism towards trans women while being overtly transphobic towards trans men and justifying it with the fact that trans men are Men and therefore they’re punching up.

this wasn’t really made with one solid thesis in mind and I honestly could keep rambling until the sun died out, but to cap things off I want to remind people of something that I still think about to this day.

quite a few years ago trans men were looking for a term that they could use to describe their specific experiences with the intersection of transphobia and misogyny, particularly when trans men were being pushed out of spaces talking About that intersection. obviously “transmisogyny” was taken, so someone came up with the idea of taking that word as the root and changing it to be clearly and obviously about trans men. which is how the word “transmisandry” came about.

if you’ve lived through gamergate you probably just flinched reading that if it was your first time, which is fair. the point of the term was to make its meaning as immediately identifiable as possible. if you know what transmisogyny means and you know what misandry means then it’s not too difficult to put together what transmisandry is supposed to mean if you’re seeing it for the first time. that said, it (perhaps predictably) sparked quite a bit of controversy. but the criticism it got? was that trans men didn’t Need a term to describe their own experiences. trans men aren’t oppressed for being men, “transphobia” should cover all of their experiences because they don’t Have unique experiences, trans men don’t Deserve a term to describe their own experiences. a lot of this was attributed to ignorance after people started pointing out how fucked up that reaction was, how it was kneejerk, but I don’t think that’s an excuse anymore. I don’t think it should Ever be an excuse.

nowadays people tend to use “transandrophobia,” not because the meaning is any different, not because it’s a functionally better term, but because people weren’t Willing to overlook their kneejerk reaction to Not take a term away from another marginalized group because their ability to talk about their own lived experiences in their own spaces mattered Less than momentary discomfort.

#discourse #transphobia #transandrophobia #transmisandry #I don't even know where I'm going with this one #the parallel just hit me at like 4 am so here I am #[slaps down the same bullshit for the 78th time in a row] Bone App The Teeth

[luthienne]

Hi dear, do you have any good words on emotional courage?

hi my love, you can check out this post and this post; here are a few more:

“I know a lot about pain… and I know it is bad for people, eats away the spirit, but how about courage, what is it for if not to use when needed?”

Martha Gellhorn, Selected Letters 

“This is in the end the only kind of courage that is required of us: the courage to face the strangest, most unusual, most inexplicable experiences that can meet us.”

Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet 

“You don’t realize it, perhaps, but you are turning these delusions and illusions of the past into criminal things. Relinquish everything. Stay in bed until you feel so shock full of energy, hope, courage that you bounce out of abed. You can only aid the world–if you still believe the world needs our individual aid–by retaining your faith in life. Your body may be weak, but I know you still have wings.”

Henry Miller, A Literate Passion: Letters of Anaïs Nin and Henry Miller

“I… want to inherit the witch in my women ancestors—the willfulness, the passion, ay, the passion where all good art comes from as women, the perseverance, the survivor skills, the courage, the strength of las mujeres bravas, peleoneras, necias, berrrinchudas. I want to be una brava, una peleonera, necia, nerrinchuda. I want to be bad if bad means I must go against society—el Papá, el Pápa, the boyfriend, lover, husband, girlfriend, comadres—and listen to my own heart, that incredible witch’s broom that will take me where I need to go.”

Sandra Cisneros, A House of My Own

“I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It’s when you know you’re licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what.”

Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

“Many people seem to think it foolish, even superstitious, to believe that the world could still change for the better. And it is true that in winter it is sometimes so bitingly cold that one is tempted to say, ‘What do I care if there is a summer; its warmth is no help to me now.’ Yes, evil often seems to surpass good. But then, in spite of us, and without our permission, there comes at last an end to the bitter frosts. One morning the wind turns, and there is a thaw. And so I must still have hope.”

Vincent van Gogh, The Letters of Vincent van Gogh

“In the winter I am writing about, there was much darkness. Darkness of nature, darkness of event, darkness of the spirit. The sprawling darkness of not knowing. We speak of the light of reason. I would speak here of the darkness of the world, and the light of———. But I don’t know what to call it. Maybe hope. Maybe faith, but not a shaped faith—only, say, a gesture, or a continuum of gestures. But probably it is closer to hope, that is more active, and far messier than faith must be. Faith, as I imagine it, is tensile, and cool, and has no need of words. Hope, I know is a fighter and a screamer.”

Mary Oliver, Winter Hours: Prose, Poems, and Prose Poems

“There is always some miracle left; and though miracles do not happen, they might happen. Who knows? Perhaps our intelligence, our instinct, our senses, in spite of their daylight clearness, are leading us astray. Perhaps the one thing needful is just that unreasoning courage which follows hope’s will-o’-the-wisp as it burns…”

Jens Peter Jacobsen, Niels Lyhne

“But if the deepest loss, […] / can be, not just survived, but made into the matter / of hope, made into song, not into a hatchet / to cut off the offending parts, made into poems / then blessed be the end of things, the loss of whatever / secures us blindly and mutely to our lives.”

Julia Alvarez, The Other Side/El Otro Lado

“I run / stumbling, expectant. / Impatience is hopelessly / desperate. Hope / takes time.”

Marie Ponsot, Springing: New and Selected Poems

“How lightly we learn to hold hope, / as if it were an animal that could turn around / and bite your hand. And still we carry it / the way a mother would, carefully, / from one day to the next.”

Danusha Laméris, The Moons of August

“Do not get lost in a sea of despair. Be hopeful, be optimistic. Our struggle is not the struggle of a day, a week, a month, or a year, it is the struggle of a lifetime. Never, ever be afraid to make some noise and get in good trouble, necessary trouble.”

Representative John Lewis

“Where does such a force come from? What does it mean? A voice very faint, and inside me, offers a possibility: how shall there be redemption and resurrection unless there has been a great sorrow? And isn’t struggle and rising the real work of our lives?”

Mary Oliver, Winter Hours: Prose, Poems, and Prose Poems

“Don’t forget that apparent impossibility of something is the first sign of its naturalness—in a different world, obviously.

Marina Tsvetaeva, from a letter to Anatoly Steiger

“Grieve. Have / hope.”

Jorie Graham, Swarm

John Berryman, “The Heart is Strange”

“Skin had hope, that what’s skin does. / Heals over the scarred place, makes a road.”

Naomi Shihab Nye, “Two Countries”

“I am quite troubled in the depths of my soul. But that will pass,”

George Sand, in a letter to Gustave Flaubert

“Let’s dance a little before we go home to hell.”

Muriel Rukeyser, A Muriel Rukeyser Reader

Hélène Cixous, Hyperdream (tr. Beverly Bie Brahic)

“That most moments were substantially the same did not detract at all from the possibility that the next moment might be utterly different.”

Marilynne Robinson, Housekeeping

Ada Limón, “Dead Stars”

“Listen, everyone has a chance. Is it spring, is it morning? Are there trees near you, and does your own soul need comforting? Quick, then — open the door and fly on your heavy feet…”

Mary Oliver, New and Selected Poems

“Get to the bottom of this intensity and have faith in what is most horrible, instead of fighting it off—it reveals itself for those who can trust it, in spite of its overwhelming and dire appearance, as a kind of initiation. By way of loss, by way of such vast and immeasurable experiences of loss, we are quite powerfully introduced to the whole.”

Rainer Maria Rilke, from a letter to Countess Alexandrine Schwerin, June 16, 1922

“…only one thing is urgently needed: to attach oneself with unconditional purpose somewhere to nature, to what is strong, striving and bright, and to move forward without guile, even if that means in the least important, daily matters. Each time we tackle something with joy, each time we open our eyes toward a yet untouched distance we transform not only this and the next moment, but we also rearrange and gradually assimilate the past inside of us.”

Rainer Maria Rilke, from a letter to Adelheid von der Marwitz, September 11, 1919

“Continue to believe that with your feeling and with your work you take part in what is the greatest. The more strongly you cultivate this belief inside of you, the more it will give rise to reality and world.”

Rainer Maria Rilke, from a letter to Elisabeth Freiin Schenk zu Schweinsberg, September 23, 1908

“…I have known with certainty that the worst things, and even despair, are only a kind of abundance and an onslaught of existence that one decision of the heart could turn into its opposite. Where things become truly difficult and unbearable, we find ourselves in a place already very close to its transformation.”

Rainer Maria Rilke, from a letter to Anita Forrer, February 14, 1920

“…he says, it will be all right.

“It is not the saying of an oracle or a prophet. They are words you might speak to a child ... and somehow I am comforted. He does not mean that it does not hurt. He does not mean that we are not frightened. Only that: we are here. This is what it means to swim in the tide, to walk the earth and feel it touch your feet. This is what it means to be alive.”

Madeline Miller, Circe

“Right then she knows herself even less than she knows the sea. Her courage comes from not knowing herself, but going ahead nevertheless. Not knowing yourself is inevitable, and not knowing yourself demands courage.

Clarice Lispector, Complete Stories; “The Waters of the World”

“Recovery (which includes return and renewal of health) is a re-gaining—regaining of a clear view. I do not say “seeing things as they are” and involve myself with the philosophers, though I might venture to say “seeing things as we are (or were) meant to see them”—as things apart from ourselves. We need, in any case, to clean our windows; so that the things seen clearly may be freed from the drab blur of triteness or familiarity—from possessiveness. Of all faces those of our familiares are the ones both most difficult to play fantastic tricks with, and most difficult really to see with fresh attention, perceiving their likeness and unlikeness: that they are faces, and yet unique faces.”

J.R.R. Tolkien, from his essay On Fairy-Stories

Camille Norton, Corruption: Poems

“Keep busy with survival. Imitate the trees. Learn to lose in order to recover, and remember that nothing stays the same for long, not even pain, psychic pain. Sit it out. Let it all pass. Let it go.”

May Sarton, Journal of a Solitude

“I have the fervour of myself for a presence / and my own spirit for light; / and my spirit with its loss / knows this; though small against the black, / small against the formless rocks, / hell must break before I am lost;”

H.D. from Collected Poems; “Eurydice”

Denise Levertov, “Epilogue”

“The days go numb, the wind / sucks the world from your senses like withered leaves. // Through the empty branches the sky remains. / It is what you have. / Be earth now, and evensong. / Be the ground lying under that sky. / Be modest now, like a thing / ripened until it is real…”

Rainer Maria Rilke, from Rilke’s Book of Hours (tr. Anita Barrows, Joanna Macy)

“I know your sorrow and I know that for the likes of us there is not ease for the heart to be had from words of reason and that in the very assurance of sorrow’s fading there is more sorrow. So I offer you only my deeply affectionate and compassionate thoughts and wish for you only that the strange thing may never fail you, whatever it is, that gives us the strength to live on and on with our wounds.”

Samuel Beckett’s words of consolation to his friend, Alan Schneider

“What matters is not to allow my whole life to be dominated by what is going on inside me. That has to be kept subordinate one way or another. What I mean is: one must not let oneself be completely disabled by just one thing, however bad; don’t let it impede the great stream of life that flows through you. I have the feeling of something secret deep inside me that no one knows about.”

Etty Hillesum, from a diary entry featured in An Interrupted Life

“You have been told that, even like a chain, you are as weak as your weakest link. / This is but half the truth. You are also as strong as your strongest link. / To measure you by your smallest deed is to reckon the power of the ocean by the frailty of its foam. / To judge you by your failures is to cast blame upon the seasons for their inconstancy.”

Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

“Try to keep what is beautiful to you and what you can use for today and now — You must not let things you cannot help destroy you —”

Georgia O’Keeffe, from Georgia O’Keeffe: Art and Letters

“What we love, shapely and pure, / is not to be held, / but to be believed in.”

Mary Oliver, from Evidence; “Swans”

“In time of the crises of the spirit, we are aware of all our need, our need for each other and our need for ourselves. We call up, with all the strength of summoning we have, our fullness. And then we turn; for it is a turning that we have prepared; and act. The time of turning may be very long. It may hardly exist.”

Muriel Rukeyser, from A Muriel Rukeyser Reader, “The Life of Poetry”

“To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness. What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places—and there are so many—where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction. And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.” 

Howard Zinn, A Power Governments Cannot Suppress

“But don’t lose heart, dear ones—don’t lose heart. Don’t let it make you bitter. Try to understand. Try to understand. The world’s already bitter enough, we got to try to be better than the world.”

James Baldwin, from Another Country

“You do not have to be good. / You do not have to walk on your knees / for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. / You only have to let the soft animal of your body / love what it loves. / Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. / Meanwhile, the world goes on.”

Mary Oliver, “Wild Geese”

#ask #anon #quote compilation #emotional courage #words #lit #poetry #long post #of hope to bite on like a bullet #yeah ok i have no chill #also no explanation for how my brain works and ties all of these together #compilation

[withlovetengen]

sheiky bby i just read what happened to you and i'm so sorry you had to go through that. no one deserves to be treated like that, and much less being made insecure of one's own body.

as of my own experience i did go through that. i always have trouble finding pants because i have a big butt and thick thighs, and wide hips. this would also happen to me as a child because i was significantly bigger than other girls. i'd cry when i couldn't go to the same stores as everyone because my body type just didn't fit the stereotype clothes stores perpetrate. as an adult now, i realized that no, it's not me who doesn't fit; it's them who are in the wrong.

i'd get so insecure sometimes when id entered a shop and asked to try pants on. sometimes they would look at me like for you?! and i'm like yes... and i'd get told that they didn't have my size. like that, one, two, three times until i got fed up and all i wanted to do was go home because it's frustrating as hell.

or whenever i'd try some on, they wouldn't fit in certain areas. i would feel SO bad already to ask for one more size, and either they didn't have it or it didn't look good because the shape of the clothes were shitty as hell. i didn't like what i saw at all.

with time i learned that the problem wasn't me; it's a society that perpetrates a stereotype of beauty in which real bodies —any body type that's not skinny— are wiped out. this shows in what you're telling, and of course it's wrong as hell. what they did to you is violent and discrimination. you are a client, but above all, you're human. you shouldn't be made uncomfortable with your body. the only thing they do is perpetrate hate and an unreal stereotype that doesn't represent almost anyone.

again baby, i'm so sorry this happened to you, and i wish you didn't have to go through that horrible situation. you are beautiful. fashion industry is wrong and the people who repeat that violence are wrong too. if you go there, keep your head up; if you can, cuss the shit out of them if needed. you don't have to stand that shit.

ly. i hope this could somehow help.♥

I can’t tell you enough how grateful I am to have had you reach out to me the way you did. You truly have a way with words and even though I’m hurt by the events, you’ve made it just a little easier to deal with 💕

I remember dealing with the exact situations as you. My body matured very quickly growing up, pants were always an issue. I would cry my eyes out in the change rooms at shopping malls and I would give up.

Sometimes I’d even face backlash as a child from teachers or peers, who would call my body provocative even though it was never my fault. The amount of times I was sent to the office to go home and change.

I was a child, I was 7,8,9,10. It doesn’t matter how old I am, you are, or any of us for that matter. I didn’t choose this body, but it chose me and I have to take care of it.

Communities like ours are what keep me strong, we love and support each other as anyone should. I work in retail, I deal with many different customers everyday, and never once have I felt the need to belittle someone, discreetly or up front about the way they look etc.

We are little humans floating on a big rock, why do we care so much about how we look when that’s not even the height of our existence. We’re so much more than that, we are souls who are unique and beautiful in our own way, even if we look different to one another❤️

Ly cherry <33

#sheiksays #mooties <3 #i’m cryinh #asks;

[rantingcrocodile]

I still can't get over the thought that bisexuals are fine and that we oppress gay people.

It was much easier for me to accept that women were oppressed by men and absolutely no woman is lying or being dramatic about our oppression, but why can't I accept the same thing about bisexual people? It only took me a month to realize just how horrible misogyny is, but why is it taking longer for biphobia? Am I not bisexual? I'm so confused and frustrated.

Because the fact is that there are constant denials that women's class consciousness exists, even in the most right-wing spaces where women get together, they will recognise and complain about the male behaviour around them. They won't use the same terminology as feminists, but they know the same basic truth, even if they deny the causes.

When you peaked about misogyny, I can guarantee that you had your own experiences of women talking about what men are like. You'll have heard women complain about men not helping around the house. You'll have heard family members and friends describe the men in their lives as "useless" and other women agreeing about the men in their lives.

So when you already had that knowledge, when you came to feminism, all that you really needed was the connection as to why it was like that. You already had a foundation living as a woman and having interactions with other women, even if you didn't recognise what that was then. With feminism, you were given the studies, the explanations, the discussions and then it all fell into place.

Bisexuals do not have that.

There are no big, meaningful bisexual spaces. There's a denial of bisexual history, erased as being nothing but "gay" history. There's a denial of bisexuality as a unique sexuality, but as "confusion" or straight people just "lying." When in and around LGB spaces, only same-sex attraction was said to matter, so there's no discussion of bisexual attraction.

The heterosexual world wants to silence you and force you to "be heterosexual" and the LG world doesn't care about you unless you're seen to conform to LG experiences. You're told that you're basically just "straight" as default, but if you're in a relationship with the same-sex it's "trying to be oppressed" or still not as important as the LG and not to fully be trusted, shut up and just support the LG, you don't matter.

Bisexuals, on the whole, have been denied a full knowledge of what our bisexuality is, gaslit into believing we're "half-straight-half-gay" and not simply bisexual. We've been denied spaces for ourselves because we've been taught that we fall into two different categories and that our bisexual experiences don't matter and aren't enough to join us together, unlike every other oppressed group.

Then, you come to a feminist space, who claim to know about statistics, read plenty of texts, understand intersectionality, understand the complexities of oppression, and who are able to dissect so much accurately when it comes to misogyny - and then tell you to shut the fuck up about your bisexuality, that you're an oppressor. Who tell straight women that it's not their fault when men abuse them because of patriarchy and victim-blaming is misogynistic, that they don't have to accept partnering with men as inevitable, that all misogyny is wrong, that being misogynistic to any woman is an attack on all women, but then turn around and tell bisexual women that we're sluts and whores, that it's our fault that we've been abused, that we're destined to end up with men, that we're worse than straight people, that it's our fault that men do what they do.

So when you think that you've found a space that gets you as a woman, and that very same space is also denying you the truth about bisexuality, where they accept studies into misogyny but then decide that studies into bisexuality are "lies," where all other groups of women are allowed to define their own experiences and oppression, but bisexuals need to shut the fuck up and let straight and lesbian women tell us what our experiences are "really" like, and then any single mention of saying that biphobia is wrong is met with a barrage of manipulative "You're being lesbophobic!" lies to try and terrify us back into silence.

In the middle of all that, there are hardly any bisexuals actually telling it like it is. The few bisexuals that are listened to are the bisexuals that obsessively hate other bisexuals and deny, deny, deny biphobic oppression, and they're only listened to and uplifted because they're used as pawns to stop any bisexuals from actually thinking and demanding better treatment.

To be a woman is to be told to be small, quiet and prioritise men. To be bisexual is to be told that you're untrustworthy, predatory, a grotesque mongrel of heterosexual and homosexual, worse than your oppressor, and that you need to be silent at all costs, have no boundaries and allow everyone to walk all over you because you're worth nothing. Both of those things together is incredibly mentally damaging. Both of those together, without support, without others to tell you the truth and help you heal, makes it even worse and creates even more self-hatred.

And then you're told that anyone who is telling you the truth is hateful and wrong and shut up, everyone who isn't bisexual knows better. Go back to being a doormat. Take whatever anyone else gives you. You deserve it.

That's why it takes longer, and that's why you're confused. Because absolutely everyone else wants you to be confused.

As long as you're confused, you stay silent and keep letting everyone walk all over you, after all, and that's exactly what the world wants.

#crocodilian answers #I'm sorry to have to be blunt but that's basically why

[it-wasnt-that-bad]

I know other people have commented on this before, but like... can we stop trying to downplay some of the harmful aspects of personality disorders?

When I first found the bpd/pd community on tumblr like 5 years ago it was huge for me. I had all these thoughts and feelings and urges that made me feel like I was a horrible irredeemably bad person. I thought that if I told a therapist about them that they would be horrified and appalled. I thought no one else felt that way and that I was uniquely bad.

I tried not to act on those urges, but sometimes I did. I did things that were wrong. Nothing horrendously awful, but still things that went against my moral code. Honestly I still do at times.

Finding the bpd community on tumblr showed me that I was not the only one. The thoughts and feelings I had were not unspeakably and uniquely awful. There was a name for what I was experiencing. There was an explanation. It was not a fundamental moral failing. This lessened the deep deep guilt and shame. Knowing that other people felt that way and thought those things was what allowed me to eventually be open about them in therapy.

I still have some of those thoughts and urges. I still sometimes act on them. I am absolutely not excusing that. It is our responsibility to address those issues and work on not acting in harmful or hurtful ways. But it was seeing that other people had those thoughts and feelings that allowed me to finally address them in constructive ways instead of just drowning in guilt and self-loathing.

I saw this thing that was like "people with bpd aren't actually manipulative, they're just doing things because they're hurt that other people perceive as manipulative." And while that's true for some things that's certainly not always the case. Sometimes people with bpd are actually manipulative.

By framing it as "people with bpd aren't bad because they don't actually do [bpd thing]" you're throwing people who do experience that thing under the bus. You can cause people who experience that thing to feel even more guilty and ashamed, or even to suppress and ignore those issues instead of acknowledging and addressing them.

So please. Stop trying to minimize bpd to make it seem more acceptable to neurotypical people. Stop the whole "we're not like those other people" thing. If you don't experience certain symptoms congratu-fucking-lations but you don't get to speak for everyone with bpd or throw us under the bus to make yourself look better. If your bpd has never led you to act in ways that are harmful/hurtful and wrong then you're in the extreme minority and tbh you're probably either wrong about your diagnosis or lying to yourself about your own behavior.

#bpd #actually borderline #actuallyborderline #long post

[ticktockofthemetronome]

“ i don’t care if the clock turns backwards. i don’t care if i keep on hurting. i don’t care if you won’t look at me. i only want you to live and smile. ”

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

❝ 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙡𝙮'𝙨 𝙤𝙘 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙛𝙞𝙡𝙚 ❞ ✧ ೃ༄

Picrew

┍━━━━━━━☟━━━━━━━┑

𝐁𝐢𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐈𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

name: starly nicknames: blue tangy [floyd], madame penance [rook], my dear [azul] gender: female age: 16 birthday: december 12  star sign: sagittarius height: 150cm hair: wavy black eye color: dark grey  homeland: ?

𝐒𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐈𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

dorm: ramshackle year: first class: 1–A, student no. 28 occupation: student club: boardgame club best subject: math

𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐈𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

dominant hand: right favorite food: hard for her to pick, but she generally likes saltier foods  least favorite food: shrimp (she can’t eat that and most other seafoods due to allergies) dislikes: witnessing death  hobbies: lying down in bed and practicing magic talents: understanding things really quickly

┕━━━━━━━☝︎━━━━━━━┙

»—————————–✄ personality, um, and trivia down below

𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲

✦ starly is an ambivert. she won’t initiate conversation unless it’s necessary, and she won’t be engaged in the conversation if the other party doesn’t interest her. when she’s with people that she is comfortable with, starly is much more talkative and sociable, sometimes being really loud to the point that she needs to be quieted. when enough time with people passes, she will be exhausted and go quiet. she is a go-with-the-flow type of person, so depending on her mood, she can either be the one who tries to stop people from doing something crazy, but more often than not, she’s either enabling it or partaking in it. 

✦ honest to a fault, starly wears her heart on her sleeve most of the time, making it easy to tell when she’s happy, angry, or just plain bored. she is also a horrible liar, and she’s aware of this, so she mostly gives up and tells the truth anyway. however, when it comes to the deepest problems that eat away at her, starly will not indicate anything that she’s going through something. burdening others with her problems makes her feel a little guilty, and she either has to trust the person completely or be pushed enough times to get her to talk. 

✦ starly is not easily motivated to do things because she wants to lie down and relax all the time, hence why she doesn’t have many hobbies. she may be writing some stories from time to time, but they’re not very frequent. she also doesn’t like it when her peace is ruined, so when she’s first transported into twisted wonderland, her stress is almost palpable. due to this, she hates having to face conflict and would want to go about her day without any problems aside from school. however, when something truly captures her attention, she will fixate on that and dedicate nearly all her time to that one thing. 

𝐔𝐧𝐢𝐪𝐮𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐜

“ heal what has been hurt. change the fates’ design. save what has been lost. bring back what once was mine. ”

penitent’s deal is the unique ability that enables starly to reset time to any point in the past, though the farthest she can go is her first day in nrc. her unique magic takes three seconds to activate after she says her um incantation in which no one can move. after those three seconds, time will stop moving before it starts reversing at light speed.

due to its near omnipotent nature, starly will feel weak after using her unique magic— how weak depends on how much time she resets. resetting a few hours back won’t do anything as long as she has her magical pen, a few days may give her a slight headache, weeks may give her a migraine, and months may leave her sick for a day or two. the reset also physically affects her, so if theoretically, her 22-year old self would reset to when she was 16, she would be back to her 16-year old self physically. however, the blot will still accumulate in her crystal from magic usage. when she says her incantation, she is rendered immobile, leaving her open to attack, so anything can happen in that timeframe. if starly dies during the three seconds that the reset is activated, she may not return in the next timeline. 

most people would not remember the events of the previous timeline. however, depending on the amount of magic one has, some may be sensitive to the resets. mages with decent enough abilities may experience a slight sense of deja vu or have somewhat vivid dreams of the previous timeline that could be forgotten. strong magic users such as the dorm leaders experience a stronger sense of deja vu and will have vivid dreams about the previous timeline. then there are the particularly exceptional ones who will know that a reset has occurred.

𝐓𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐚

✦ starly originated from a universe where my friends’ sonas and mine interact with each other! she didn’t have her own standalone story where she’s the only one in ramshackle until very recently, and there are many differences between her standalone story and her story in that universe. for this blog, i will only be sharing her standalone story.

✦ starly was originally supposed to remain magicless all throughout her story in twisted wonderland. however, one day, i remembered this undertale au called flowerfell where frisk’s resets cause a flower to grow on their body. it made me think of how in twst, you can always return to any part of the story, which made me think about the possibility of resetting time to any point in time as you wish. and that’s how starly’s um came to be. 

✦ speaking of her um, it was originally titled as reset. however, it sounded too literal and too short, so it was changed. 

✦ starly has the habit of always apologizing even when she doesn’t have to (example being saying sorry to someone when she just needs space to move and she has to go past that person). she thinks this is why took calls her madame penance. 

✦ starly is very competitive in games, hence why she chose the boardgame club. her favorite opponent is azul because he’s the best at bringing out that desire to improve in her. 

✦ like the in-game mc, starly comes from a world where even the concept of the great seven and mickey don’t exist. 

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst oc #starly #oc profile

[defensefilms]

Defense Films Lists His Favorite TV Characters Of All Time

5. Chris Partlow- The Wire

The ending of The Wire paints Chris Partlow as something closer to a serial killer. 

He wasn’t. None of his hits were done out of pleasure, curiosity or even impulse. Every one of those bodies helped the Stanfield organization become what they became, even the one on Michael’s stepdad.

What Chris represents is reliability and capability. The ultimate “get shit done” guy. Out of all the characters on the show, none were more dependable or crucial to the success of the institution they served. 

Lester Freeman was capable but not a good politician and ultimately a nuisance to his superiors. Bill Rawls was incredibly capable at his job but he was power hungry and ambitious. In season 5, Gus Haynes is the most capable man in the news office but the problem was that Gus questioned authority and didn’t “go with the flow” when the office decided the paper needed a “refreshing” of how they cover the local news.

Chris didn’t have any of these handicaps impeding the people he served.

He recruits the foot soldiers for the Stanfield crew, even training them himself and Marlo had something akin to a small army at his disposal as a result. He organized his sub-ordinates, handled all surveillance when Marlo’s crew was under investigation at the start of season 5 and took care of incoming shipments after they established a direct line to the Greeks. 

When the task required finesse or subtlety, like the time he stole Sergey’s picture from the court office, he was more than capable of that too. When Marlo is questioning how to address the murder of one of his dealers, he listens to Chris and chooses to retaliate on the perpetrator directly rather than targeting everyone on his corner. 

Marlo truly comes to rely on Chris in matters concerning Omar Little. Every step of how Marlo wants to get back at the near mythical larcenist, is first passed by Chris. Chris takes this as his number one job throughout the show. Anything concerning Omar is handled with brutal efficiency, tact and an almost out ouf place  sense of professional pride. 

That’s Chris’ most endearing quality. Through all the blood, guts, scheming, lying, betrayal that comprises Baltimore’s underworld, all of which Chris is very much a part of, he has a pride in how he approaches the day to day business aspects of what he does. 

Stringer Bell is arguably the best second-in-command in the show’s run but he was dishonest, ultimately harming the survival of the institution he served and damn near going rogue. 

Chris doesn’t share such qualities as blind ambition or selfishness. He understands that trust is all he has in this game. When the indictments eventually come down and Chris is facing a life sentence he doesn’t complain or even raise the possibility of turning state witness. Instead he ends up on the yard along side Wee-Bay. Marlo in turn makes sure that Chris’ people are taken care of financially.

Many of the men that serve in the various institutions depicted in the show could learn a thing from Chris Partlow. When the time came, he fell on his sword and did so in full acknowledgement that this is where it all leads. There’s a kind of honor in that.

4. Tony Soprano- The Sopranos

One of the biggest misconceptions about The Sopranos was that it was a story about a gangster. It wasn’t, or at the very least, that would be an over-simplification of what the story actually contained.

What it was was a story about a man and his family, both biological and criminal. That’s the tie the binds all of the story’s narratives together.

Another way of looking at Tony’s story is one of leadership. Having ousted his Uncle Junior from the seat of power, season 2 and onwards, as far Tony’s criminal life is concerned, focuses on what happens once you get to the top. 

While the show’s creators gave you plenty of grizzly, violent scenes, what leads to those is the story of a man struggling and failing at leadership. 

In every season, Tony has to deal with a problematic figure, employee or subordinate. 

Season 1 was his Uncle and the idea of old fashioned leadership. Then in season 2 it was the ever-acerbic Richie Aprile, representing a generation older than Tony’s, that still feels entitled to something. Seasons 3 and 4 gave us Ralph Cifaretto, the only one among the men I’m mentioning that actually earns his status and then in season 5, it was his cousin Tony Blundetto.

Each of these problems is uniquely stressful for Tony because of how they pull at the threads of both his family and criminal life. With the exception of his Uncle Junior, he kills all of them.

By that metric, Tony is in fact a very poor leader. 

He doesn’t really deal with the Richie Aprile problem because his sister beats him to it. He doesn’t willingly promote Ralph Cifaretto even though Ralph earns it and is the only one among the candidates with any real intellect and business savvy. In both the cases of Christopher Moltisanti and cousin Tony Blundetto, Tony allows favoritism and nepotism to cloud his judgement and ironically both those men die at Tony Soprano’s hands.

This paints a picture of a tyrannical man, slowly devouring everything around him because he’s got to be in control. Worse yet, his need to be in control doesn’t actually lead to smarter long term decisions or better people management.

Tony’s relationship with Ralph in particular is built on professional envy. He feels entitled to Ralph’s race horse winnings because “why should his subordinate benefit more from anything than he does?”. He then proceeds to take ownership of the racehorse itself without assuming any of the costs of owning the animal. Then to top it off, he steals Ralph’s girlfriend purely because he has the status to do it, even digging in to Ralph’s personal life in order to justify doing so.

Textbook mismanagement. Every type of managerial violation you could imagine.

So how does Tony handle it when an employee is actually being a problem on a criminal/business level?

He rewards Tony Blundetto’s deception after the Joey Peeps killing by letting him run an already profitable gambling joint. He promotes Christopher to “made guy” even with his drug problems being well known, and he promotes Bobby Baccalieri, partly at his sister’s behest and partly out of spite.

 It was fun to watch on screen but you’d hate to work for Tony Soprano.

How does that translate to his family? What kind of leader is Tony at home?

Season 3 does well at examining Tony as a father/paternal figure starting with his relationship with Jackie Jr, which is built on concern at first. Then later it starts to make Tony anxious. Before Tony decides to push nature towards taking it’s course, when Jackie runs afoul of men in Tony’s charge.

His relationship with AJ is also a bigger part of the show as the seasons go and it’s not much better in as far as the leadership or guidance that Tony offers. We can waffle on about AJ’s failings as a spoilt teenager but the real problem is that Tony doesn’t see himself in AJ. 

That’s the first step to any failure of leadership. An inability to find common ground or identify with the people you’re leading.

We won’t go in to how hypocritical it is because the entire way that Tony entered the mob life is because he himself was a mob prince and his father’s status definitely paved the way for him. 

Hypocrisy. That’s the other key to failure in leadership. 

All these negatives added up to make the most fascinating television character in over 20 years. A constant stream of contradictions and watching a man say one thing but do another was it’s own experience and you didn’t realize what a horrible human being you were watching until you saw the show over and over again. A scary observation that implies people are either blind or really comfortable with evil and narcissistic behaviour.

3. Noah Solloway- The Affair

Out of all the characters on this list, this one was hurt most by writers hitting a ceiling in how much they could say about the character or how much they wanted to say.  Divorced men don’t really have that much representation, so if you’re writing a character that so strongly linked to that one particular event in his life, you may hit a ceiling if you don’t actually have real life examples to work with.

They had the right actor, the right story and it was the right time in human history to tell this story, it just felt like they didn’t follow through on really speaking on the plight or rise of guys in Noah’s situation.

Anytime I watched The Affair, and unlike most, I was pretty loyal to it despite what reviews told me, I identified with Noah. All those other characters didn’t make sense to me the way Noah did.

The story begins with my man being stuck in a rut, the kind of middle age funk  married men tend to fall in to, so he drives out to visit some folks and while he’s there he happens to meet a baddie. Story of every man’s life. Only he does what you’re not supposed to do and sacrifices everything he has so he can be with the bad-bad. 

Then my mans starts popping off with his book writing, gets a publishing deal and in his 40′s, he starts achieving his highest career peaks. See this is important because it shows that the writers understood the subject matter really well, as well as the demographic they were talking about.

Then the next season, they go in to some murder mystery plot, Noah ends up in jail somehow, almost as if the writers and producers didn’t feel confident that they could tell Noah’s story without the theatrics/murder mystery element. 

The other danger that the writers probably didn’t want to indulge was rewarding the character with any kind of happy ending or positive outcome. Noah’s infidelity serves as the jumping off point to all of the story’s unfolding plots, mostly depicting the impact on the lives of his immediate family, a handful of which play out in sad dramatic fashion. So the writers likely felt like Noah couldn’t win at the end. 

In the 1930′s when gangster films were first being made, they would commonly feature PSA messages at the start warning against criminal behaviour. 1931′s “Little Caesar” starring Edward G Robinson, features a warning at the end that makes it clear the film’s producers and writers needed the character to go down in flames at the end, to prove the moral point that “crime doesn’t pay”. 

A writer’s moral obligation and the times in which they live can lead some to write the ending that makes a moral point rather than writing the most dramatic or honest ending. I think Noah Solloway kind of suffered from this.

I don’t know. 

There was a chance to explore modern men in a way that most stories fail to. They had the foundation. They knew enough about who and what they’re talking about. However it didn’t manifest in the telling of the story. 

I’m not saying Noah needed a positive ending, it’s just that the one we got was not the most fitting nor did it wind up ending the story honestly or even dramatically.

Noah Solloway should have got the Tony Soprano treatment in as far as how much the writers explored his inner world but instead the show’s creators decided it didn’t matter. They didn’t answer the question of why this happens to modern men.

If nothing else Noah Solloway can be a blueprint or foundation for those telling this story in the future.

 2. Ciro Di Marizio- Gomorrah

About as slimy and as low down as a television character can possibly be. Ciro represents Machiavellian criminality pushed to it’s extremes. 

When writers plot a character’s trajectory, they often fill it with moments that make the character more endearing. Exploring the relationship the character may have with a child, friend or spouse that makes you see the character’s more genuine/compassionate/likeable side. The writers of Gomorrah did plenty of that with Ciro.

However, they didn’t hesitate to show you just how off-the-rails and downright evil Ciro could be. 

What’s funny is that Ciro is defined by loyalty and servitude when the story begins. He is a capable captain and rises to 2nd in command when the Savastano family needs him to. However the death of his close friend and mentor changes him for the worse and he goes ham. 

What follows is betrayal and Ciro basically masterminding a coup of the Savastano clan but the levels of paranoia that his new found power push him to, make him question whether it was all worth it. The world burns around him and a kind of justice is restored when Gennaro is able to take back power and restore the Savastano name. 

That’s one aspect of the show that Ciro truly exemplifies in that he rises to the top but the throne never truly feels like it’s his.

He is Iago-like in his ability to understand the weaknesses of people around him. He proves himself more cunning, capable, strategic, murderous and even business-minded than almost every other character. Every character except for Pietro Savastano (the man he betrays) and Gennaro Savastano. 

The show goes to great lengths to put forth the idea that crime families in Naples are on the same level as the pope. True modern day monarchies. Royal families that have the power to benefit or harm anyone around them. People bow their heads to them when they walk in public and use reverential terms when addressing them. They will often have salons, jewelers  or restaurants cleared out so they can enjoy the establishment in ostentatious privacy. 

When you look at it like that, Ciro was always an outsider. The difference between just sitting on the throne and being born of the throne. 

In that way maybe Ciro’s story is about redemption. 

He eventually sides with Gennaro Savastano again, helping him get his wife and daughter back after they’re kidnapped. He does this by essentially lying to/duping a crew of young dealers from Florence to fund this hostage rescue and then he offers himself as a sacrifice when the Florentines demand blood.

At his best Ciro served the clan and went to great lengths to restore what he had destroyed. 

1. Marlo Stanfield- The Wire

Is there any greater?

Sure there are characters like Tony Soprano whose world and whose inner thoughts the audience gets more familiar and intimate with. Within the same shared universe as Marlo is a character like Stringer Bell and the writers of the Wire go to great lengths to understand and convey his moral conflict as a drug kingpin turned wannabe real estate tycoon. 

Marlo is something purer though. 

You don’t need to know his inner-most thoughts like Tony because his utmost desire is simple, he wants to be the top kingpin of Baltimore. What more do you want?

He does not share Stringer’s moral complexity because unlike Stringer he is not conflicted at all. He’s not a drug dealer playing businessman, he’s just a drug dealer and that’s all he ever wanted to be.

From the start of season 3, it was fascinating watching this man move about on the screen with a confidence reserved for the richest and most talented. Indeed Marlo proves he has both in bundles. 

He outwits the older drug kingpin in Stringer Bell by maintaining independence from the Co-Op. He matches Avon Barksdale’s war effort step-for-step after Avon comes home from prison. He outsmarts the wily, Proposition Joe in order to learn how to launder his money and then get access to the Greeks.

It was fascinating watching Marlo avoid pitfalls, monopolize Baltimore, out-think his older counterparts and grow his empire to the scope that he did. 

There’s a youtube video that compiled all of Marlo’s scenes from his 3 seasons on The Wire and it pretty much plays like a feature film. Watch it here if you dig Marlo as much as I do.

You’re not watching a drug dealer become a kingpin, or at the very least that’s what I believe. It has more to do with watching the younger generation upset the order, and in a lot of ways that’s what Marlo represents. From the moment Marlo shows up, all old agreements are null and void. He does this over and over again throughout his story. Constantly upsetting the order and establishing his own. 

Indeed Marlo isn’t aware that this is what he’s doing. He’s acting on ambition, arrogance and naivety. 

It speaks volumes that most of the characters on this list have on-screen relationships that explore their personalities, like the aforementioned Ciro’s relationship with his daughter. Marlo has none of that.

Marlo’s most revealing relationship is his rivalry with Omar Little, a man he only ever encounters once. The continuation of their feud happens because Marlo refuses to let any perceived slight towards him slide. One way of looking at what this shows is that Marlo is both egoist and perfectionist, the latter of which is actually very prized personality traits in today’s business environment. The combination of the two is actually commonly seen among CEO’s and top executives.

Marlo shows every weakness and drawback of youth while exposing the follies of the more seasoned and experienced in his field. A walking contradiction in that way.

#tv show #hbo #the wire #the sopranos #the affair #gomorrah #chris partlow #tony soprano #noah solloway #ciro di marizio #marlo stanfield

[strangertheory]

Do you think that portraying a portion of our characters as alters would remove their depth? Would portraying female characters and characters of color as alters of Will remove their agency? This is not my personal opinion but I’ve seen this topic come up as a concern with the DID theory and seeing as you answer every ask so thoughtfully.

DID is a widely misunderstood condition due to the way in which it has been portrayed in a lot of popular media, but also because it is a unique condition that most people have not spent a lot of time learning more about. When fans are ignorant and say incorrect things like “alters aren’t real” they are perpetuating incorrect information about DID and being prejudiced against those who have DID.

“El is her own person! With her own free will!”

- Nancy Wheeler, season 3

DID is a real medical condition. People need to educate themselves more on the topic before they engage in (incorrectly) asserting that El being an alter would somehow make her less important or “less real” than Will. If the theory that Will and El are both part of a DID System is correct: they share the same mind and their brain belongs to them both. They’re two different, separate states of consciousness in their shared mind. Shared.

Alters are not imaginary friends, and they are not hallucinations. Alters are distinct, separate states of identity within a single human brain. A host in a DID System does not “control” other alters. They are not puppets or characters in a fictionalized story that was invented by a person’s imagination. And it’s very important that people treat alters as unique individuals.

Describing an alter as “not real” is incorrect and ignorant. Alters are just as real as you or me. Fans, when discussing or criticizing the theory that Stranger Things is about a DID System, need to be aware that any time they criticize this theory and say something like “alters are not real” that they’re being prejudiced against real alters in real DID Systems who might read their comments online and be hurt. Alters are each unique individuals, and they are real.

Alters have their own agency. They have real feelings and experiences. They have their own free will. Their sense of identity and their memories and experiences are separate from the experiences of other alters. Even when alters are co-conscious together they will still perceive of those shared experiences differently.

To make a very simplistic analogy: imagine many people living in the same body that sometimes can interact with one another face-to-face in spaces within their shared subconscious mind. (Those spaces are referred to as “internal worlds.”)

Do you consider yourself real? How do you define your identity? You probably, like me, define yourself by the many experiences you have had throughout your life and by your memories and your relationships with other people. That is how Alters develop their sense of identity, too: through their real memories, relationships, and experiences. But a key difference is that they exist together in one mind and body. But they are all real. One alter is not more or less “real” than another alter.

Anyone that takes issue with the concept of El and Will possibly taking turns being conscious in their shared body in the external world might need to be wary of seeming prejudiced against trans identities and experiences. El is a girl and Will is a boy.

Regarding your point about the concept of Lucas potentially being an alter: I personally suspect that Lucas exists in the external physical world as a friend no matter what is going on in the story, but if there were also an alter in the DID System that was named Lucas and was based off of their friend named Lucas, then that alter-Lucas would be understood to perhaps have the same physical appearance within the internal world of the mind but would not have a Black identity in the same way that friend-Lucas does (obviously) because the lived experiences that this alter has would not be the same as a Black person. (This is a very good and complex question. I’m not sure I can do it justice. But it is definitely important to clarify that no, an alter in a DID System is not going to have a racial identity that is equivalent to racial identities and experiences in the external world unless that identity does, in fact, reflect their body’s physical appearance and cultural heritage in the external, physical world.)

Many DID Systems will have alters with different genders, ages, races, etc. but this is not the result of a conscious choice. Hosts, who are simply alters that are in control of the body the most often in the physical external world, don’t consciously “create” their alters or control them in any way. And from what I currently understand about DID (and keep in mind I am just a layperson that has done some research of my own, I’m not a medical professional) the appearance of an alter is speculated to oftentimes be based on a person’s subconscious understandings of traits they’ve observed in the external world that they believe would empower them to deal with a specific traumatic situation better. Their subconscious brain went “Who would be the most capable of dealing with this horrible situation? Who could deal with this more easily?” And this is why oftentimes an alter might be based on a person that they know in their life. I think that it is highly likely that the DID System in Stranger Things might feature many alters based on people that they know in the external world. Friends, family members, local bullies (like Billy Hargrove, perhaps?) etc. Alters based on the subconscious mind’s impression of people from the external world are referred to as introjects. But an alter is not an imaginary friend: that alter then becomes part of their own mind that has taken on these traits subconsciously.

Will as a host in a DID System would not have any conscious control over his alters any more than he has control over any other person in his life: that’s not how DID works. Alters have their own agency. Alters with certain roles have greater access to the DID System than hosts out of necessity, and therefore I believe a case could be made that at times Will is the one that has less agency. In some DID Systems hosts sometimes have absolutely no access to their internal worlds at all, and when they lose consciousness everything is like being asleep for them. And in other cases DID System hosts might have only partial access or a lesser level of awareness in the System’s internal worlds. From what I’ve read each DID System has its own unique structure based on what was needed by them in order to survive certain traumatic events in their shared lives.

Part of the reason hosts have limited access is because the DID System is an elaborate subconscious coping strategy that the brain has constructed in order to protect hosts from trauma so they can continue surviving and dealing with every day life and taking care of themselves. If hosts were given complete access to the System in the same way that certain alters have access then hosts would be exposed to traumatic memories and experiences that they might not be ready to deal with and that would defeat the entire purpose of the DID System having been established in the first place. Think of it as levels of security access in a building: not everyone has the same access granted on their little door swipe cards. Hosts oftentimes have very limited access because their brain is storing their memories beyond their reach. Alters will each have memories that the host(s) do not.

If any fans dislike the concept of Will being a host in the System because they perceive of this as some sort of “controlling” or “powerful” role in a DID System: hosts generally have to deal with an arguably frightening and intimidating lack of control over their own mind and over the System. Hosts need to establish communication with their alters and trust in order to coordinate shared decision making because they generally, by design, do NOT have access to certain parts of their mind and the internal worlds because they’re not supposed to. The only influence that hosts have on their alters’ decisions is established through communication and agreement just like if you made an agreement to pick your neighbor up from school at 3pm. There’s nothing stopping you from deciding not to do that, but you choose to do so because you’ve established trust with your neighbor and they know they can rely on you.

“Friends don’t lie!” The importance of alters telling the truth to each other would be critical to their shared survival. I should hope nobody is lying if you have no way of being sure what your body had been doing all day while you weren’t conscious in the external world and you need to check in and ask other alters what they did. (Have a great day! Don’t forget to lock the front door. Can you cook some pasta and make sure we eat tonight? Okay, cool. Thanks! Wait: you had a fight with mom? And you didn’t tell us? Not cool! Now we don’t know why she’s angry at us and have no idea what was said. Ugh.)

But to return back to your original question: although I understand that many fans might be unfamiliar with DID and with the concept of alters, I hope that fans would seek to better understand the condition and would not be so deeply disrespectful of real DID Systems that exist and suggest that they’re somehow not “real” because of their condition. Inevitably there will always be those that don’t understand and who don’t respect others’ experiences.

I hope I answered your question sufficiently! This was such a good question, and I’m really glad that you Asked. Thank you!

#stranger things theory #stranger things theories #the did theory

[readyplayerhobi]

Flower | 10

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff, angst, smut

; Word Count: 6.3k

; Warnings: Body insecurity, sexual anxieties, oral sex (receiving), fingering

; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: Hello...you finally get some smut :D I hope you all enjoy, it’s the longest chapter yet. PLEASE leave me a comment or give me an ask that let’s me know what you think! I’m loving writing this and I’m loving all your comments and feedback, it means so much <3

; Flower Masterpost

-

Hoseok sighed deeply as you wiggled on the couch once more, Kasumi curled up in his lap and purring away happily while he stroked at her fur. You watched him quietly, trying to be as innocuous as you could but you were evidently failing as he glanced over to you once more with that ‘what-is-wrong-with-you’ face he’d been giving you.

The show he was watching on Netflix was boring and your mind had begun to wander as a result. Unfortunately for you though, you’d become distracted by your boyfriend. You say unfortunately because you have no idea what to do right now and the very idea of saying anything to him that could give even a hint as to what your mind is thinking right now is beyond unthinkable.

It’s not your fault though that he’s so damn attractive though! And it’s even less your fault that he’d decided for some god forsaken reason to eat all the Lindt chocolate you’d bought earlier in the week. At first you’d just been annoyed that he’d eaten it, it was expensive chocolate after all. But then it had been an agony you’d never considered before as you’d watched intently as he’d bitten a hole into the top of each small chocolate ball, the centre gooey from leaving it out in the room for a while.

And then...you’d had to watch in dual horror and lust as he licked the inside of each shell out. Part of your mind had been horrified because, who ate Lindt chocolate like that but mainly because it incited thoughts you’d managed to steadfastly push away whenever he was in your vicinity. But that was nigh impossible when you were greeted to the astonishingly arousing vision of his supple, wet tongue dipping into the hole he’d made and removing all the smooth chocolate filling with a movement that was far too sensual for someone who wasn’t even paying attention.

Combined with glimpses of his tongue piercing, the silver ball shining in the light of your living room, you’d found yourself in a unique form of torture. Because you wanted that mouth on you, badly. You wanted that tongue to touch you with all the attention he was lavishing upon those small chocolate delights, legs squeezing together tightly as you imagined his head between them, mouth on you in the same way.

It was horrible. And delightful at the same time. You’d never particularly considered yourself an overly horny or sexual person. Your experiences in college had mostly been because whoever you’d been with wanted them, or the occasional one night stand just to experience it. They’d never been very good and you’d convinced yourself over the years that good sex was a myth made up by people and the porn industry.

Your hand had been good enough for years, the only way you’d ever managed to make yourself orgasm. Most sex had simply resulted in you just lying there, waiting for the other to finish and pretending in what you thought an orgasm was supposed to look like with someone else. It felt nice, sure, but you’d never felt fireworks. In the same way, you’d never really been someone to feel huge amounts of sexual attraction to anyone.

No one had ever made you desperate for them to get into your bed before, the very idea strange and foreign to you. Until Jung Hoseok. It felt very odd for you to think that, and part of you wondered if it was only because he was such a nice person as well. But then again, you’d never found someone so genuinely attractive before, and for the first time you’d found yourself wanting someone else sexually first.

The lack of experience you have in being forward in this department meant that you didn’t say anything to him though. Not being interested in sex normally, and being disappointed in what you’d gotten when you did have it, meant that you’d had no interest in trying to have sex with most people. So you had zero idea in how to initiate it when in a relationship because they’d always been the ones to make the move.

Where you supposed to touch him in some way? Would he understand what you wanted? Perhaps kiss him a certain way? But then he might not realise; your kisses so far had been sensual and delightful, long and deep but they’d never really grown sexual. He’d been very careful not to insinuate anything sexual with you, and you appreciated that he wasn’t pushing you into anything until you were comfortable with it.

Hoseok was evidently very aware of how you’d probably react to it given how carefully he danced around you. But despite that, you knew that he was attracted to you. Besides from him openly admitting it, there had been one or two times that you’d...felt it. Accidentally of course, and you’d rather die than bring it up.

And he’d ignored that it had ever happened too, much to your relief. Despite the part of you that had wanted him to push a little.

Which is why you’re steadfastly focusing on your TV, trying to ignore the outrageously hot man sat next to you. You were half laying on the couch, propped up by the innumerable amount of cushions and plushies that were stacked against the arm while your feet just touched Hoseok’s thigh.

You’d been together for three months now...was that an acceptable time to wait? College had been entirely different, back then everything felt rushed and stressed. A lot of the time you’d had sex purely because you thought it was what you were meant to do. Not that you regretted any moments, but there’d never been the desperate urge for it. It was almost like sex was a badge of honour back then, but now...now you were older and you didn’t know how this worked.

Swallowing hard, you shift once more and Hoseok let’s out a puff of air, the noise surprisingly loud and causing you to jerk in surprise. Glancing over at him, your eyes widen when you realise he’s staring at you directly with a raised brow.

“What’s wrong? And don’t say nothing, because there is. You haven’t stopped moving for the last half an hour and it’s driving me crazy,” Hoseok stated bluntly, hand pausing on Kasumi as he stared at you. “Are you okay? Has something happened?”

He sounds so caring that you can’t help but curl up even tighter into a ball, body heating in embarrassment at the fact he thought there might be something wrong with you. Particularly when in reality, you were just being horny.

“N-no. I’m okay…” You mumble out, pushing your face into the fluffy material of your sweater. It was overly large and cream, incredibly soft and gentle to the touch with a cartoon cat’s face on the front. Black leggings with tiny Star Wars logos adorn your legs with some fuzzy socks too. As usual, it’s a complete contrast to Hoseok’s Rammstein shirt and plain black sweatpants.

His eyes narrow, chocolate irises disappearing almost before he gently pushes Kasumi off his lap. And then he’s oh so slowly moving over to you, gaze intent before he’s pretty much laying against you, sliding into the space behind you on the couch. You try to keep eye contact with him, enjoying the warmth of his body while also trying to ignore the way it lights you up inside.

“I don’t believe you.” He mutters, lips so close to your own and you look away quickly, not wanting to see what’s in his eyes. Not when he’s obviously in this playful mood. And when Hoseok gets playful, he likes to play around with innuendos and more. Most of the time it doesn’t bother you anymore, just causing you to roll your eyes.

But not today. Not when the place between your legs aches for him. Not when he’s pressed against your body so tightly, letting you feel how solid he is behind you.

His playfulness stops though as he wraps an arm around you, pulling until you’re laying on your back and looking at him. He looks serious now, his eyes darting all over your face to try and see if he can figure out what’s wrong before he presses a gentle kiss to your cheek.

“Seriously...are you okay? You’ve been acting strange all evening.” Well he wasn’t wrong, but you felt like dying rather than telling him why you’d been acting strange. It wasn’t your fault that he’d turned up to yours after work all sweaty from his gym workout. He’d showered, but you could still remember the way his dark hair clung to his forehead while his skin gleamed golden and his tattoos had an astonishing vibrancy in the lights. And then he had to just...look even more divine out of the shower, even more wet only smelling far better.

The cherry on top of course was the way he’d eaten those chocolates. So no, you were not okay. You were horny and frustrated.

Hoseok stiffens beside you, arm tensing and you look at him in confusion to see his eyes wide with shock. And sudden panic hits you, causing you to bolt upright and pretty much fall off the couch as you shuffle away from him.

“Oh my god, I said that out loud, didn't I?” The words are quick, blurted out until they’re almost running together and you can feel the anxiety in you building up. You’d thought they were in your head, just mindless thoughts. But your traitorous mouth had spoken and now he knew. He knew that you desired him sexually right now.

Groaning, you let your head fall into your hands as you slip from the couch onto the floor. Hoseok is immediately next to you, kneeling on the soft cream rug that sits beneath your coffee table as he gently pries your hands away.

“Okay, you know what we’re not going to do right now? We’re not going to be ashamed of being turned on by your own boyfriend. Please don’t be embarrassed, I am...incredibly happy and satisfied that you’re horny right now because of me. Now...you have two choices here,” He lifts your head to look at him, his face earnest as he smiles at you and you’re beyond relieved to see there’s only acceptance in them. “Either we forget you said it and carry on watching Netflix, only something you’re a little more interested in, or...we fix your little problem.”

Flames of desire and confusion swirl through your body, igniting inside until you practically feel like you’re sweating from the dual mix. You’re not sure whether to say yes to him or to turn him down, hoping he’ll forget and you can ignore this mortification.

But then...you pause and take a deep breath, letting yourself think rationally. Trying to push past the anxiety and nerves, the fear and unease that assault you. He’s your boyfriend. He’s been with you for three months, it’s only natural to start having sexual relations with each other if you both want it. And you dearly want him, even if you’re afraid of the actual physical interactions.

You just...don’t have the experience to match up to him. And that’s what terrifies you the most. Part of you wants to just ignore that and push it away, tell him to find a new show to watch and just spend the night like every other time you’ve spent time together. But an overriding part of you doesn’t. It wants to engage with him sexually, it wants to experience pleasure from him.

And that part wins, surprising you with the words that come out of you.

“I...the second. I’m sorry,” You whine quietly, brow creasing as you pull your hands from his and press them to your eyes hard. “I just...I’ve not...done anything...sexual in a long time. And even when I did...I didn’t...it wasn’t…”

“It wasn’t that good because you were too worried?” Hoseok asks gently, taking your hands once more and squeezing them once before his fingers stroke at your skin. “I’m not expecting you to want to do everything right now, I don’t expect anything from you actually. I want to pleasure you so...we go at your pace and do what you’re comfortable with. We’ve been together for three months now, I’m not going to pressure you into anything but I like to think I understand you a lot better. I know you’re shy, and that you’re anxious about it. But I’ll do everything I can to make it comfortable and good for you, I swear. And if you’re not, then we stop, okay?”

Oh god, oh god, oh god. You didn’t know what to think or say, your mind shorting out rapidly as you try to accept the fact that he was going to do something with you. You were going to do something with him. Sex things. That sounded lame but your mind genuinely wasn’t working properly.

“What...what are you wanting to do?” The sentence comes out much stronger than you anticipated and you feel a little pride in it. Hoseok eyes you for a second before grinning, a sudden look in his eyes that feels a little foreign, yet sends sparks through you.

He licks his lips momentarily. “I...I think I’d like to go down on you. If you’d let me.”

A statue would be more pliable than you in that moment, your body frozen solid at his words as your brain short circuits at the idea. The very idea you’d been fantasising about earlier. Oh god, he really did want to go down on you. He was going to eat you out. Holy fuck.

Swallowing thickly, you lick your suddenly dry lips and cough slightly to clear your throat. “Oh.” 

It’s a pathetic sound, but it’s the only thing you can get out. It makes Hoseok chuckle though, and he slowly leans forward, pressing his lips to yours and encouraging you to simply kiss him. He doesn’t say anything, just kisses you, enticing you to open your lips to him and let him tangle his tongue with yours.

The now familiar feel of his tongue ring sends new sparks through your, your thighs squeezing together and the kneeling position you’re in causes the sensation to provide even more pleasure against your clit than you’d expected. And so you jerk ever so slightly into him while the softest moan escapes into his mouth.

Hoseok pulls away suddenly, his irises blown out in pure desire while he licks the taste of you from his lips. It makes you want to vibrate with the energy inside you at the look he gives you, like he just wants to eat you up. And you know he wants to.

“Get back on the couch.” He whispers, tapping the seat cushion. You remain motionless for a second before nodding jerkily, crawling back onto the couch and gripping at the throw silently. Hoseok moves to between your legs, pushing them apart slightly before the corner of his mouth kicks up in an outrageously sexy smirk.

“Oh shit. You look...really fucking good from this angle.” His hands grip your ankles for a moment before he slides his palms along your calves, dipping them beneath your knees to press at the sensitive skin back there. You shiver without even meaning to, the sensation dulled by your leggings and yet you can’t take your eyes off him.

Black hair is still ever so slightly wet, the strands glistening still while his skin practically glows in the low lighting of your living room. He looks like pure sin, the bright and colourful tattoos decorated along his arms contrasting vividly from your dark leggings and you can’t help but let out a breathy moan as he lets his fingers dance along the tops of your thighs.

They reach your hips and he splays his hands across each thigh, biting his lower lip between white teeth as the heat of his palms runs back down to your knees. And then he dips those hands between, caressing your inner thighs slowly while his eyes remain firmly locked on yours. It’s quite possibly the most sensual thing anyone has ever done to you, and you’re positive that you’re embarrassingly wet for him already.

God help you if this was how turned on he could get you just touching you over clothes. 

“Can I take your clothes off?” He whispers, his voice husky and low, the syllables almost scratchy and you feel them through every inch of your body. But a sudden spike of fear pierced through the veil of desire he’s spun on you, the thought of him seeing you naked paralysing you.

Hoseok feels the way you stiffen and a tiny frown appeared between his brows, lip ring being chewed for a moment before he nods.

“Ignore that. Keep your top and stuff on, it’ll make you feel less vulnerable. Is that okay with you?” You nod shyly, looking away from his eyes while your hands fist the throw in anger at yourself. He clocks the movement and leans forward, resting his cheek on your knee. “Hey, don’t get angry at yourself okay? I’m not offended, it’s fine. I do kind of need to remove your leggings and underwear though...are you okay with that?”

Watching him intently, you suddenly find yourself squeezing your thighs together as you struggle to breath, anxiety clawing at your throat. Hoseok watches you carefully, hand gently caressing your calf in a reassuring movement.

“What if I...I mean...what if you...what if it’s not right?” He frowns at that, head tilting and brows creasing together in confusion at your words. “Like...down there. What if...I mean...I...smell or taste...bad. Or look funny? Or smell bad? I...I haven’t prepared.”

“Baby...has anyone ever gone down on you before?” His question is surprisingly blunt and you want to wallow in embarrassment, hands coming up to cover your face desperately as you quell the urge to wail.

But his hands gently pull yours away, his body leaning close to you as he presses a kiss to your nose. “Hey...hey don’t be ashamed or anything. It’s okay. Some girls don’t like it, that’s fine. If you don’t like it, then we stop. I’d really like to though. And I’m not gonna judge you on what you look like or anything. At the risk of stereotyping my gender, I’m a guy. A guy who is very attracted to you. I’m gonna love whatever you have.”

“But what if-”

“Nope. Please don’t stress yourself over...whatever you taste or smell like. Please, seriously. I’m not thinking negatively about that. In fact, I could show you something that shows I’m very excited over this but I won’t because this is about you. So...can I take your clothes off? Please?” He doesn’t move though, his hands resting on you as he waits for your response.

It takes you a minute to run through your thoughts carefully, wondering whether to tell him no or not. But the overriding urge you’d had earlier to let him give you the pleasure you hope he can takes over once more and you nod slowly, the movement jerky with how nervy you are.

Hoseok doesn’t respond immediately, instead just watching you carefully before kissing you slowly, His hands stroke at your waist, and he distracts you the whole time he carefully peels your leggings and underwear off, your hips shifting up to let him pull them down before they disappear from your body entirely. 

Even though the cool air that hits your centre let’s you know that you’re half naked in front of him, incredibly vulnerable right now, you find yourself relaxing a little as he focuses more on kissing you. Just...kissing. Nothing else.

For the next few minutes, he doesn’t even pull away from you. He has you half naked in front of him, bottom half exposed to the world and yet Hoseok kisses you slowly, as if he has all the time in the world. It’s so completely different from all the other sexual experiences you’d had previously; half-drunk fumbles in the dark, frantic kissing and sex that felt like it had been over before it had even started.

College boys who wanted the pleasure but hadn’t particularly gained the skills they needed. The guys you’d slept with had been even worse than most, not interested in anything besides the quick orgasm they can get before heading off to their next night out or gaming session.

The very idea of them just kissing you for minutes when you were there, wet and ready for them, instead of plunging in would have been anathema to them. 

Which made it...nice that he was more focused on calming you down, relaxing you. Like he knew that by making you focus on his mouth and his hands, you’d slowly begin to almost forget that you were half naked for him. And it was working, because you found yourself pulling him closer, wrapping your arms around his neck and just enjoying the fact that he so obviously enjoyed being with you.

It’s also why you jerk in surprise when his fingers stroke along your thighs once more, carefully dancing their way forward with quick and gentle movements on your sensitive skin before reaching the exposed part of you. You go to jerk back from him but he uses his other hand to keep your head in place, dipping his tongue back into your mouth at the same moment that his fingers slip between your folds.

There’s no doubt that you’re wet for him, probably extraordinarily wet given how turned on you’ve been for the last hour or so. And you know that he likes it a lot when he groans into your mouth, the sound deep and low. It makes you shiver, hips rolling ever so slightly in a move that shifts the placement of his fingers, causing them to brush against your clit.

Almost immediately you gasp, head tugging back from his despite his hand and you watch him through wide eyes as he presses against you again, circling his fingers slowly while increasing the pressure on the sensitive bundle of nerves. The quietest whine leaves you as he does so, the eye contact he maintains with you both overwhelming and attractive.

His pupils are blown out, desire etched into every inch of him and your hands tighten behind his neck as he sucks his kiss swollen lower lip between his teeth, lip ring pulling at his skin as it slowly slips back out. You weren’t sure you’d ever seen a sexier sight.

But then you glance down, to the space between your bodies. He leans back slightly, letting you get a better look and you swallow hard at the sight of his hand between your legs, the colourful tattoos shifting as the tendons and muscles in his arm flex slightly as he rubs at you.

“Hoseok…” You whisper softly, unsure what you’re trying to say. He just grinned in response, one side of his mouth kicking up higher than the other before he settles back down, eyes shifting from yours to the wetness directly in his line of vision. The way he licks at his lips at the sight, pink tongue running along the soft flesh, makes your thighs tighten.

He catches the movement obviously and smiles again before removing his hand from you, his fingers glistening in the light and he observes them for a moment before nodding. Looking back up at you again, he smirks with the tip of his tongue caught between his teeth before he slips those long, elegant fingers between those swollen lips.

A deep moan leave him, eyes fluttering shut as he licks them clean and your breath comes a little faster as you watch him enjoy the taste of you.

“Oh god...you do not have to worry,” Hoseok mutters, eyes opening and refocusing on your pussy. “I am going to enjoy the fuck out of this.”

And then his hands reach beneath your ass, squeezing slightly as he lets out a rushed breath and tugs you forward slightly. You yelp at the movement, back a little uncomfortable by the position and he pauses, glancing up and grabbing one of the many plushies before pushing it behind your back, immediately making the position a little more palatable and comfortable for you.

“Okay?” He asks and you nod, body hot with dual need and anxiety. You’re not sure whether or not the bubbling in your stomach is because you’re so horny, so close to getting something, or because you’re so afraid that you’ll mess it up. That you won’t taste as good as he thinks or you’ll smell funny or your clit is too big and everything looks odd down there.

And above everything...you’re not even sure if you’re going to like this. You enjoyed orgasming as much as the next person you were sure, but you were only ever able to get yourself there. It took time too, and despite how arousing the thought of him was, you weren’t sure how it was going to feel good.

Hoseok starts to lean forward, his shoulders pushing apart from your legs even further and you wriggle, unsure what to feel as he does so. So you close your eyes, hands gripping the throw tightly in nerves as your body locks up and waits for him. You’d laugh at yourself for acting this way if you weren’t so genuinely unsure of how to act.

Thankfully, he doesn’t laugh at you either. He doesn’t even make mention of it, but you feel the way that he reassures you with slow strokes of his hands along the backs of your thighs. Like he’s trying to tell you it’s going to be okay without actually speaking and you feel beyond thankful for it.

And then you feel it, Hoseok’s tongue slowly licking from your entrance up. It feels hot and wet, ticklish and you’re suddenly unsure that you like this. It feels odd, foreign and strange. Slimey enters your head and you wince slightly, thinking that’s probably not the best thought to run through your head during this moment. Swallowing, you decide to tell him to stop, not liking the feeling of it an-

“Oooohhh.” You hum out, brow tightening as your hands fist the throw even tighter from the electric shock of pleasure he sends through you. What he did, you’re not quite sure, but all you know is that he moved his tongue on your clit a certain way and it was like a jolt being sent through you.

He doesn’t repeat the motion though, instead kissing your mound just above and carefully pressing the lightest butterfly soft kisses down the side, nose running along your inner thigh slowly. Despite how unsure you’d felt at actually feeling his tongue, you’re suddenly desperate for more now that he’s taken it away.

The way he slowly traces shapes and letters into the sensitive, soft skin of your thigh has your breath stuttering out of you. Hoseok pauses for a moment, looking up at you with a quizzical look and taking in how you’re feeling.

“Is everything okay? ” He asks and you wonder if every guy is talkative during oral. The porn you watched seemed to just have the guy getting to work, no conversation or questions and you pause in confusion, brow creasing. Kissing your thigh, he gives you a small smile. “You know your body best, I’m just the living sex toy you can use right now.”

He wriggles his eyebrows at that and you can’t help but laugh, surprised at the easy humour that flows between you both despite the fact you’re naked from the waist down and he’s very close to your exposed area. Swallowing, you nod slowly.

“Yeah, I...err...the little thing you did...with your tongue. I mean...I don’t know if I like it but then you did the...the thing and it felt really good.” You feel incredibly warm as you tell him that, wanting to squirm away from him in embarrassment but he just smiles brightly at you, kissing your leg again and running his hands along you reassuringly.

“Good. I’ll make sure to do more of that. You’re probably just not used to it yet. If you’re uncomfortable, just tell me, okay?” Nodding, you bite your lip as he grins broadly once more, lips rosy pink and your legs tighten beneath his palms. He can feel it, obviously, and he laughs softly before pushing at your thighs, spreading your legs a little wider for him.

It makes you feel even more exposed and you pause, unsure of it before he leans forward again, flattening his tongue against your entrance. And then he almost seems to...scoop the slippery muscle inside you, wet heat dipping into your slick pussy and you almost jump off the couch.

A noise leaves you, a strangled moan perhaps, and you suddenly realise that your hand is now gripping Hoseok’s hair tightly, pulling it off his forehead. The black strands are soft and he lets out a gentle groan that vibrates against you, increasing the sensations of pleasure you feel.

“Oh god, that...do that again.” You whisper, hands shaking. Your voice is soft and quiet, almost as if you’re not sure you want him to hear or if he should be hearing it. But he does, and he follows through with what you’d asked happily, dipping his tongue back into you.

Whining quietly, you wriggle and pant as he continues to do it to you, hands massaging your thighs at the same time and making you feel far too much at once. The tongue piercing that you’d fantasised about proves to be better than you could have possibly imagined, adding a little extra pressure to your sensitive inner walls. Hoseok stops then, pulling away to press kisses on your folds carefully. One hand leaves your thigh to spread you open, pushing and exposing you even more.

Eyes widening, you look down at him and let out a whimper at how ridiculously sexy he looks between your legs. He’s not even looking up at you, instead he’s focused firmly on between your legs. His lips are slightly more swollen than before and you heat up as you note the slickness around them, spreading to his cheeks ever so slightly. 

And then he licks his lips, that same tongue that had spent the last few minutes bringing you pleasure you’d never even known was possible wetting his lips. The sound that leaves you is embarrassing, but he just glances up with an amused grin.

“Still enjoying it?” He asks, one brow raising and you make yourself let go of his hair finally. It remains stuck up in a funny position and you mumble something unintelligible. You just settle for nodding quietly and he must see something in your face that pleases him. “Good.”

Moving back, he licks from your entrance to your clit in one, agonisingly slow movement. His tongue is flat, pressed against you hard and you gasp out. The only way you can describe it is that Hoseok is licking you that same way he’d eat ice cream, in long and slow licks that take in everything at once. It feels amazing and you whimper loudly, the very idea of him eating you out with as much enjoyment as he’d get from a sweet treat more arousing than you’d thought possible.

He continues doing that for a minute or so before he switches it up again, his hand leaving you momentarily before you feel one, long finger sliding inside you. It’s ever so slightly cold from the overall temperature of the room and the sensation makes your eyes widen, moan leaving you as he twists it inside you.

While he searches inside you, you’re not sure what for but you can’t bring yourself to complain, his lips wrap around your now engorged clit, sucking on the sensitive little bead hard and dragging an animalistic noise from you. Your hand is back in his hair, tugging hard and he moans out in response, eyes closing as he pleasures you.

“Oh god Hoseok...please keep doing that. Please kee-ooohhhh.” You jerk forward suddenly, eyes bulging out as gibberish leaves you. He’s evidently found whatever he was looking for in you, breaking the seal his lips had on you to grin as he kitten licks at your clit once more.

And with a mischievous look up at you, he slowly slides a second finger into you, slick juices coating his hand easily and letting him stretch you wonderfully. Turning his hand round, he curls both fingers inside you and presses them against your walls, his clever fingertips brushing against an extra sensitive part inside of you that has you whining out loud.

This is when Hoseok evidently quits playing around, colourful tattoos shifting as his arm flexes while he fingers you and his tongue works black magic on your clit. It takes a few minutes of trial and error on his behalf, but he eventually manages to find a rhythm that has you babbling unintelligibly as you writhe on the couch, trying to simultaneously slide off to escape him while gripping his hair tighter to keep him going.

“Ohgodohgodohgodohgod pleasepleasepleaseplease Hoseok, oh my god. Please. Please don’t stop. Don’t stop, oh god mmmmhhhheruugh.” You have no idea what you’re saying to him, head thrown back on the couch as you whine and pant and moan and beg him to let you orgasm. That on it’s own was a crazy thought; you’d never had an orgasm with anyone besides your own hand. And sometimes that hadn’t even worked.

But this incredible man, this ridiculously attractive and hot, tattooed man with a tongue piercing that was making this oral even more pleasurable, has apparently got more than enough talent to make that happen. Despite your doubts.

Which is why you don’t try to fight it when you feel the ball of elastic energy in your core tightening, muscles cramping on themselves as your body tries to curl in on itself from the sheer amount of pleasure Hoseok’s tongue and fingers are causing. Gurgled moans leave you and before you even realise what’s happening, your hips begin to circle desperately as his fingers continue at their fast pace, obscenely slick noises coming from them as they slide in and out of you.

He hums quietly suddenly, sucking hard on your clit while the tip of his tongue plays with the sensitive nerves as the ball snaps inside you. Pure jolts of electric pleasure sizzle through your veins and your body convulses violently on the couch, hand tugging even harder at his hair as you jerk and let out the breathiest whine you’ve ever done.

Eyes scrunched tight, you pant desperately as the orgasm finishes, limbs shaking ever so slightly from the pure force of it all and you hear a ringing in your ears. Everything overwhelms you suddenly and you let out a quiet laugh as you slump down, tears surprisingly falling down your face from the sheer power of what you’d just experienced.

“Wow.” Is all you can manage to say, glancing down to where Hoseok kneels between your legs. He’s smiling broadly, teeth ever so slightly tugging at his lower lip and you can see how pleased he is with himself. 

“Good?” You push at his head slightly, making a noise at his subtle smugness and he laughs out loud. He darts forward and gives you one final lick, causing you to whine at him before he stands up and sits next to you, inordinately self-satisfied. But he doesn’t tease you or anything, instead just helps you back into your underwear and leggings before heading into the bathroom.

You’re half dozing off by the time he comes back, drinking the water he gives you almost absentmindedly before you’re wrapping your arms around his waist tightly, nuzzling your head into his chest. 

“So...you’re a cuddler then?” 

His question is almost conversational and you hum lightly, mind not entirely present as you feel yourself already drifting away after the orgasm he’d given you. You’d never been so tired. But you tighten your arms still, squishing your cheek against his chest and inhaling deeply, taking in his scent that has become so comforting to you over the last three months.

“Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me for giving you an orgasm. It was my pleasure, truly. And you don’t need to worry about anything. I enjoyed every second of that...I hope you’ll let me do it again.” He murmurs, kissing your forehead as he shifts, grabbing the blanket that lays next to the couch and wrapping it around you both.

You smile to yourself and nod. “You can do that whenever you want.”

You don’t see the way Hoseok grins broadly, happy that you’d let him go down on you despite not feeling confident about it and ridiculously excited that he’d also made you cum. In fact, he’s more pleased over that one orgasm he’s given you than any he’s given to any girl before.

He doesn’t say anything though, just presses play on the remote once more and carries on watching the show that had so dissatisfied you while you nap peacefully, warmth pressed firmly against him. 

Yeah, he’s definitely going to do that to you again. And he’s going to enjoy every second.

#armiesnet #networkbangtan #btscreatorsnet #btssunshineclub #smutcentralnet #hoseok fluff #hoseok angst #hoseok smut #j hope fluff #j hope angst #j hope smut #hobi fluff #hobi angst #hobi smut #bts fluff #bts angst #bts smut #hoseok fic #hoseok fanfic #hoseok series #hobi fic #hobi fanfic #hobi series #j hope fic #j hope fanfic #j hope series #bts fic #bts fanfic #bts series #hoseok x you

[deathvsthemaiden]

ok wait after u sent me that ask i have to know ur top books!!! dw if u don't feel like it but i would love to hear them 🌷

This is so sweet and considerate! Thank you Eva, you gave me 5 so I’ll try to keep it to that # as well 💖🐰 off the top of my head:

🌷 The Stormlight Archive series, especially the second book, Words of Radiance. Stormlight is like 4 books + 2 novellas right now, and is projected to be 10 books and ???novellas eventually. And on top of that each main book is 1000+ pages and while you can read Stormlight on its own, most of the other books by the author, Brandon Sanderson, are part of this larger fictional universe called the cosmere. Each series takes place on a different planet, and if you are invested in the whole cosmere, there’s Easter egg references to other series in other series. So like! While I rec these books often, most people understandably don’t take me up on it wgshshh 🤭 Sanderson’s non-Stormlight books are all MUCH shorter but also much more flawed imo. Like I wouldn’t count him among my favorite authors were it not for Stormlight. anyway I’m a die hard fantasy fan so the length didn’t deter me, and I picked these up because a friend told me the world building in these books was genuinely unique instead of the typical very lazy maps composed of like. Fantasy Russia and its hostile mysterious neighbors Fantasy General East Asia and Fantasy Africa lol. and she was right! The world building is exquisite and refreshing and almost every character is canonically of color. They live in a society with an eye color based caste system and it’s.., so hard to sum up this massive series with four main characters and a ridiculous(ly fun) amount of plot lines, so I’ll cut this short and say 1) the first book, The Way of Kings, is highly expository but the ending is so so worth it, and if you enjoy the ending you’ll find merit in continuing with the series 2) Words of Radiance is my favorite book so far partially because I haven’t read the newest, Rhythm of War, yet, and also because it’s the book with the most scenes that solidified Kaladin Stormblessed (one of the main characters) as one of my favorites of all time. Another one of the best things about this series is how Brandon Sanderson portrays mental health in very natural ways, and it makes Kaladin’s growth so incredibly soothing to follow (I MEAN. He has low points that sometimes hit too close to home, but it makes you root for him harder) he really is just. Truly my definition of a hero, if we wanna get cheesy about it, and I had to pick one solid example. I love him so much this isn’t even the tip of the iceberg as to why 😭!

🌷Jane Eyre. Silly frivolous teenaged girl that I am this book swept me off my feet when I first read it and I condone every problematic aspect of it❤️ (I DONT ofc but like! I love drama and being played like a fiddle by narratives and the book delivered on both fronts! And it couldn’t have without its unsavory plot twist soooo 😙💖) (the hate this book and especially one specific character gets is funny to me just because like. Hate for the former (imo) usually stems from people taking the book too seriously while simultaneously missing the point (JE and du Maurier’s Rebecca (highly influenced by the former) are oft considered loose Bluebeard retellings for a reasonnnn!) and hate for the latter is usually just like. Warranted and then taken over the top like... he’s just a fake funny little man you guys :( and the book would’ve been boring if he wasn’t so twisted and out of touch and passionate ): not to mention I do personally in a mean ish way think it’s funny how for some people this character is one of the worst examples of men they can imagine. Like good for Them! I don’t want them to have lower standards for horribleness in people But also omg 🤭 it just reminds me of how... irony of all ironies, I’m semi frequently told I’m too harsh on real life men and then when I love twisted ones in books (for being funny and entertaining and good solid characters) I like. get the most interesting side eyes (whether figurative or literal) bwjswnhshe anyway I have nothing against Austen, I definitely enjoy her, but from what I’ve read so far, I prefer the Brontës a lot more... I need adventure! Show me horror show me rot etc etc❤️ also I’m. A stupid sucker so the fact that the book was Charlotte Brontë’s attempt to write a plain looking lady protagonist and to make her praiseworthy and virtuous and worthy of spellbinding romance makes me... 💗💓💕

🌷Keturah and Lord Death — Martine Leavitt. I haven’t seen it officially stated anywhere but to me it’s p clear this book is a retelling of/highly inspired by Godfather Death (the Grimm tale) Very simple, predictable but effective plot, and the characters are just. So much fun. From my url you can probably tell I love stories in which women (or anyone but you know. Death and the Maiden is its own trope for a reason) outsmart/face off against death. If they also k*ss, when done right, I think that’s swell as well.

🌷A Thousand Splendid Suns — Khalid Hosseini. By far the heaviest book I will mention in this ask, and I don’t rec it willy nilly for that and a few other reasons. It’s a forever fave to me because I read it at the exact right time in my life, where I was like... noticing a ton of things irl and things at home were tumultuous, and when I saw very similar things unfold in this book while I was being silenced and made to feel crazy by the adults around me, it meant so much to me to see reality as I was experiencing it in real time reflected back at me via this novel. The context of the story is wildly different from my own life and the stakes the characters face are far higher, and it is if I remember right mostly a novel about the horrors of war, which isn’t something I pretend to have any firsthand experience with, but! It was legitimately cathartic to read when I read it, and it especially meant a lot to me at the time that the author was a grown man. Not to mention how my mother is not and never has been a reader, and somehow the one and only book I ever managed to get her to read was this. Hilariously she got mad at me for only (“only”) reading depressing things (there’s... a grain of truth to that but she doesn’t need to know! 🤫) but also... she was hooked I could tell! (I got all tmi explaining this one gag I’m so sorry)

🌷A Slight Trick of the Mind — Mitch Cullin. Retirement-era Holmes! Holmes as an old man! A sad old man who keeps bees!! It’s the novel the movie Mr. Holmes was based off of (haven’t seen it yet) and I was not expecting it to get me all sentimental like it did 🤨😪 but anyway it’s like. A prolonged character study and explores some of the most interesting (to me, anyway) parts of Holmes that are only lightly touched upon in canon, like his occasionally huge follies when navigating his few close relationships and how he copes with them afterwards, his fatigue at the random injustice of the world, how he’s often mistaken both by characters that surround him and people irl as a man without feelings, etc etc. like there’s no Dr. Watson or Mrs. Hudson in this book, and the people he interacts with are almost entirely original characters, but as I listened to the audiobook it barely occurred to me to miss Watson and Hudson (I know! 😦) and the author’s original characters interacted with Holmes so believably that I sometimes forgot they weren’t ever Doyle’s. Def recommend to any flexible Holmes fan that’s not a total stickler for canon (though you don’t actually have to know much about Holmes to read this book and enjoy it! 🐝)

🌷Sleepless — Sarah Vaughn + Leila del Luca. I began with the longest book, so let me end with the shortest. It’s a 2 volume long graphic novel series and that it’s so short is the only long standing, legitimate complaint I have of it! Gorgeous art, really effectively written romance, a dark skinned girl who gets to be the proactive, lively protagonist and stunning, pined after love interest at the same time, a cast of characters that is majority of color, the perfect %-age of drama and angst etc etc. if you can find it via your library or online or smth, you can knock it out in one sitting and leave the experience eternally altered in the funnest way 👁👄👁

Honorable mentions: The Botany of Desire — Michael Pollan, Troubling Love — Elena Ferrante, The Girl from the Garden — Parnaz Foroutan

#asks #book recs #wasn’t sure if you’d read Jane Eyre before so I was vague abt it qgzhshshs #long post