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chrystalwynd · 1 year

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Everybody Comes to the Black Hole

I don’t write a lot of sci-fi (or any, really. This is my first), but I like this setting and may use it again in the future. Sci-fi readers’ opinions appreciated here.

Everybody Comes to the Black Hole

words: 2700

mc mf ff md fd sci-fi

“Mmmmmm, look at you. Why don’t you come inside for a drink?”

She was a six-and-a-half-foot blue-haired beauty, with fingernails and toenails to match. Her breasts made all kinds of threats about bursting out of the leather corset that was straining to contain them, while the rounded cheeks of her ass moved like two bubble hovers trying to pass each other in a tight race. Her lips made promises her eyes had no intention of keeping, but her hips made promises that made the risk worth it. She was a three-dimensional wet dream.

��Don’t go away,” pouted the blue hair bird. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’m sure you’ll find a way to work through the pain,” I said, pulling out a vita-cig and lighting it. I blew a stream of smoke through the hologram.

A figure moved next to me, setting off Blue Hair’s automated offer of a drink. A skinny berk stood there, looking like a rodent on the back nine of a bender. I’d known he was there even before Blue Hair told me, but he didn’t need to know that. Being a mindwire was my own business and none of his.

“Waller,” I said. “What’s the chant?”

“’Ello, Gar,” said the rodent, without moving his lips. A neat trick. “Tonight at the Black Hole. 2200 digital. Bring cash.”

“Bring what?”

“Cash, guv. Old Earth slang for money.”

“I see. You’re a man of the stars, Waller.”

“Shite, cutter. Just a berk trying to make enough shiny to get off this hunk of metal, savvy? Now how ‘bout providin’ some bounty, yeah?”

“Don’t be a tentacle’s ass, Waller. Half now, half if the meetin’ goes well.”

“I can’t be held vertical for a meeting that goes horizontal, Gar.”

“Relax, Waller. Just blowing your airlock. Mostly, anyway. Half now, half after they show.”

“It’s a fair pop.”

I worked my wrist tech-band for a few seconds. Waller’s band beeped in reply.

“There you go, Waller. Stay off the meteor dust and you’ll be off Port Kepler in no time.”

“Shite, cutter. Dust the only t’ing makes this rig bearable.”

I had nothing to say to that, so I nodded and Waller went on his way.

I started up the strip of shops and services that made up Port Kepler. The creaky space port had been circling Kepler B for so long, few people even knew it’s launch year. Everybody could, however, tell you to the day how long they’d been stuck here. There were far more berks than jobs and saving money to get that off-port ticket was every port resident’s dream.

But that was irrelevant at this moment. Tonight I was going to get something that would make my stay a little more tolerable as well.

*****

At 2100 digital I walked into the Black Hole.

The décor wasn’t, strictly speaking, a reflection of its name. While some sections were certainly darker than others- intentionally so- a colorfully bland motif was vaguely evident. But the effect was pale and the effort fell flat, and everybody knew the decorations were secondary to function.

Drinks and business. Anything else was comet-tail. A wretched hive of scum and villainy, to be sure, but whatever you needed could be found here. For a price.

I glanced around, doing a whom’s-who, then moved toward a table of figures donning brown hooded robes. The typical cutter couldn’t tell which was who, but I wasn’t a conventional.

A hood turned in my direction. “Bright night to you, neighbor. Do you seek a higher plane?”

“Bright night to you, brother abbot,” I said politely. The sensate monks were no one to screw with. “I seek a verbal with Brother Ivan about a previously placed order.”

The monk stared for a moment as I waited. Sensate monks were the source of the best narcotic chems on the station, but they were so formal and conservative that they barely believed in starlight. Getting saucy with ‘em didn’t score credits, either.

One of the monks stood, ending the suspense. I’d already known Ivan was there, but the abbot at the table didn’t need to know that.

Ivan and I wandered away from the table, moving into one of the darker corners of the bar.

“Bright night to you, Gar,” said Ivan. “Did my last delivery meet expectations?”

“As advertised, my friend,” I said. “It kept me awake for 2 cycles, as you promised. I needed every minute.”

“Marwake is a potent stimulant, neighbor, and it does so with few side effects.”

“What side effects? I didn’t notice any.”

“That’s because you used it as instructed,” said Ivan. “There are those who use it to stay away a week or longer. That never goes well.”

“Oh?”

“Hallucinations are the typical result,” he said, “typically followed by a further breakdown of faculties. For the first week, anyway. After that-“

I held up my hand. “Apologies, brother, but I have no digital for this. My clock is short tonight.”

“As you will, neighbor. How may I serve?”

“Street chant suggests you have a new product I might be interested in.”

Since he was wearing a hood, I couldn’t see his expression, but he somehow managed to convey surprise.

*****

That business concluded, I moved further inside the Black Hole. I soon came to a table with an attractive redhead. She wore loose-fitting leather pants and a sleeveless top that showed off her muscular shoulders and arms. Attractive women sitting by themselves in the Black Hole were usually automatic targets, but not this one. Everybody knew better than to test their luck with Vette. She was a merc and believed it was better to be good than lucky. The ones trying to get lucky with Vette usually found themselves at the med-unit.

I gave her a nod. “Evenin’, Vette. What’s the chant?”

She lifted a glass at me. “Hey, Gar. Just walkin’ and talkin’.”

She hadn’t thrown anything at me or suggested I self-procreate. Professional courtesy.

Vette used her glass to indicate the empty chair at her table. I sat down.

“I think,” she said, “that I’m going to get me some of Catamon’s thrall tonight.”

“The new one?” I said, suddenly interested but speaking casual.

Vette took a swallow of her drink. “Yep. No one’s tapped that yet. She’s good and Catamon’s getting cocky. Think I’m gonna get a piece of that and a stack of credits as well.”

“Be careful,” I said. “Street chant says this one likes to leave her mark on conquests. She doesn’t just win, she embarrasses her conquests.”

“Aww, your concern is touching. You jealous?”

“Sure,” I said. “I’ve been there.”

“Watch it, gonk,” she said, though without real heat. “You just got lucky with that royal flush. I’ll admit you weren’t bad, though. For a man.”

I felt like I was tiptoeing through a minefield. “Props to you for honoring the marker. Figured you to tell me to self-procreate.”

She took a swallow, then grinned. “Thought crossed my mind. But I ain’t javascripted that way. Word’s gotta count for something. Don’t get over yourself, though. You were good, but nothin’ to drop the ladies for.”

Vette finished her drink, then slammed both hands on the table and stood. “All right, time to delta. Gonna bang me some thrall.”

*****

Catamon smiled as Vette approached his table.

He was a large man, well over six feet, with green skin so dark it was bordered on emerald. Dressed in gold and silver robes, his presence radiated beyond the table. He was covered in gold and jewels. That wasn’t what made his wealth obvious, however. The true sign of his position was the woman sitting next to him.

Catamon was a Taur from Tau Ceti-D. An ability specific to Taurs was being able to claim and bond with Taurettes. This bond turned the Taurette into a thrall completely under the control of the Taur. By all accounts it was a very intimate, powerful, erotic state. The Taur could claim only one thrall and it wasn’t always voluntary. The Taur controlled all aspects of the thrall at that point. But the bond between them was powerful and they could amplify each other in ways that were still unknown to non-Taurs.

Catamon looked up as Vette approached. A large bowl sat in front of him, with piles of credits stacked within. When he spoke, his voice was a deep baritone.

“You bring honor to my table, Vette,” said Catamon, “and a certain level of erotic ability. Your last visit left my poor Wenni exhausted. She was days recovering from servicing you.”

Vette smiled. “What can I say? I work hard, I play hard. Now how ‘bout you screamsheet the stats on your new joytoy?”

Catamon smiled. “Were we on my world, Vette, referencing my vassal in such a matter would result in a challenge that would leave you with a collar on your neck, a true joytoy on my chain, servicing me as I wish.”

Vette shrugged. “You mean you’d try to put a collar on me. But that’s no bones here, ‘cuz we’re not on your world. Just give me the figure so I can get busy putting your girl to work.”

Catamon nodded. “Very well. Xarissa, stand.”

At his words, the woman next to him stood. Thralls from Tau Ceti were typically blue or green skinned. On rare occasions, red or orange skinned vassals might be seen. On extremely rare occasions, a white albino skinned thrall might be seen, although it had been years since one was seen here on Port Kepler. In this case, however, Xarissa was a black skinned thrall.

Not just black-skinned, actually. Her skin was so black that it verged on ebony. Her stark white hair was long and hung down to her exotically rounded ebony bottom. Her impossible curves were so erotically charged that her sensuality radiated beyond the table to the surrounding patrons.

Vette took out a number of credits and dropped them in the bowl. Catamon nodded and then spoke again in that deep baritone.

“For the benefit of all observers,” he said, “what is happening is that this young lady Vette has just made a wager on her ability to overwhelm my thrall Xarissa. What will happen is this. I will open a psionic connection between them. They will then psionically battle each other. Whichever one is victorious will then have control of the loser for approximately three hours. And should Vette win, she will also receive back her bet and an equal amount from me. Meaning that if Vette is victor, she will win both money and have the use of my thrall for the next three hours. Should she lose, however, Xarissa will have control of her for the next three hours.”

Catamon turned to Vette then. “I wish you no ill, of course, but that will prove most interesting. Most recently my Xarissa has taken to piercing the nipples of her female conquests with Taurian steel.”

Ouch. Taurian steel was the diamond of metals. There was no known way of cutting through it without travelling to Tau Ceti. It was essentially a permanent piercing.

Vette nodded her understanding. Her confidence was impressive.

They faced each other across the table. Catamon said, “I’m opening the connection…

…now.”

A small crowd had gathered now. That happened often here at the Black Hole and it was usually due to games of chance. This was no different.

For long seconds, nothing seemed to happen. Vette and Xarissa stared at each other, neither blinking. Vette right eyelid flickered and there was a murmur amongst the crowd. One of Xarissa’s bare shoulders moved then, jerking up.

Sweat was breaking out on Vette’s forehead now, but she showed almost no other sign of difficulty. Xarissa appeared to be almost relaxed.

I pulled my glance away from the tension of the table and took a viddy at Catamon. Suddenly I knew what he was doing.

Vette’s face still remained calm. Too calm. And then I knew why. She had lost.

Xarissa smiled and crooked her finger at Vette. Vette walked around the table and stood in front of the collared Xarissa.

“Be a good girl,” said Xarissa in a throaty voice, “and take off your top.”

And just like that, Vette was topless at the Black Hole.

Xarissa began kissing Vette then, running her hands over Vette’s body as if she owned it. And she did. And when she pushed Vette to her knees and told the redhead to lick her pussy, the crowd cheered.

I could have intervened sooner, most like, but I opted not to. I wanted Xarissa hot for the next act, so I chose to let the scene play out. Besides, while Vette may have preferred the top position, being the down for an exotic beauty like Xarissa wasn’t the worst thing.

The crowd had cheered itself hoarse by the time Xarissa lifted the enthralled Vette to her feet, using only her finger under the redhead’s chin. Vette’s nipples were rigid at this point and I suddenly intuited what was about to happen. The thrall was about to pierce Vette’s nipples.

“Before you go that route,” I said, “perhaps we could have a bit of verbal?”

Catamon rumbled. “You’ll verbal with me, Gar, and none other.”

“Fair enough,” I said. “This is such a fine digital that I’m inspired to throw my helmet in the quad. Before you let your joytoy javascript Vette’s nipples for perm, perhaps we could match first? I’ll put up double the funds with the conditional that if I win, Vette will be spliced to me as well for the remainder of her clock. Savvy?”

Catamon bristled at my use of ‘joytoy’, as I’d hoped. He should have known better.

“So if you’re victorious over Xarissa, you will have both she and Vette?”

“Affirmative,” I nodded.

“And if Xarissa wins, she will have both you and Vette simultaneously?”

“Also affirmative.”

“Very well,” said Catamon. “I agree to your wager. Place the credits in the bowl.”

I did so, then turned around to face Xarissa. To my surprise, her eyes were already locked on mine.

“When I defeat you, Gar, I want you to know one thing,” she said. “I will continue to use Vette’s body for my pleasure. You, on the other hand, will be pleasing Catamon. You will be pleasing him in every way you can. And after marking Vette as my conquest, you too will be marked.”

I smiled. “I guess that gives me something to look forward to, doesn’t it? Shall we begin?”

Catamon didn’t even give me a chance to get ready. He immediately opened the psi-link between us.

I nearly blinked. The sudden intensity of Xarissa’s psionic pressure against my mind caught me by surprise. Had this been a typical match, I might have lost it right then.

The problem for Catamon and Xarissa, however, was that this wasn’t a typical match and I wasn’t strictly playing by the rules. But I was fine with that, because neither were they.

I had realized that Catamon was using his psychic connection with Xarissa to boost his thrall whenever she got in trouble. So Vette hadn’t been just battling Xarissa. She’d been battling Catamon as well. And it’d worked for them, which was why Vette was standing there, her eyes glazed, Xarissa’s juices on her cheeks and chin.

Vette wasn’t javascripted to cheat. I, on the other hand, had no such reservations, as the willpower chem in my system- the one I’d acquired from Brother Ivan earlier- attested. And with my psionic willpower boosted, not only was I able to circumvent Xarissa’s defenses instantly, I was able to follow the psionic link from Xarissa’s brainpan to Catamon’s, catching them both almost simultaneously.

Catamon and Xarissa were finding out what happens when one attempts to take on a jacked-up mindwire in a psionic knife fight.

So was Vette, but I was pretty sure she wouldn’t mind.

The crowd around Catamon’s table was murmuring now, beginning to realize what had just happened. My street cred had amplified without losing clock. A profitable night. And looking at Xarissa and Vette, a fun night. At least for the next three hours.

A fun night for me. A typical night for the Black Hole.

END

#mind-control #sci-fi #mindwire

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mochipon-vt · 1 month

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so here's the deal...

i really really really hate coming on anywhere and fussing, ranting or lamenting about things but… i'm extremely stressed, frustrated and upset.

my main pc is fucked, apparently. for the past 3 months, i've been working off of my old, dinosaur aged pc (it's 10+ years old, barely works, has trouble booting etc) ever since my newer pc started having serious issues. over this past weekend, i was finally able to take it the shop and get it looked at. they informed me a day later that one of the ram sticks was bad (as my partner had already suspected) and i was charged 100 bucks for this discovery, that i had to borrow from my parents.

they voicemail that i had received informing me of the issues found, that if i wanted repairs, it would cost 40 bucks alone for install + whatever price i chose to spend for new ram stick(s), however, once i visited the store to actually SPEAK to someone (their phone system is trash and no one would answer/return my call), i was told any parts install would cost SIXTY bucks instead and offered new parts costing from 100-120 in range, which would ultimately make the total cost + the 100 for diagnosis, close to 200 bucks.

my partner says that's a ridiculous price to pay for something that can be popped in and out to replace but unfortunately, i'm not very knowledgeable about hardware and hardware installation so i don't feel confident in going in there myself and replacing it/them even if i got my hands on new parts and we are also long distance so he's not able to do the install for me.

what i thought should be 'thankfully', the shop took out the 'bad' stick and i was told i should be able to bring my pc home and use it RELATIVELY normally without replacing it at this time, it just would not be able to run at the same capacity as it could have if it had both sticks of ram installed. at this time, it's worked for a total of.. a day and a half normally and without issue before having the same major issues again; web browser/tabs crashing, apps fully crashing or not operating (discord is currently a blank/grey window for me right now and i have to use the browser app to even use it), inability to install anything and finally, a full blue screened pc crash; so now i'm assuming BOTH sticks were bad and the brand installed is trash. (i do not know the brand of any parts installed in my pc as my ex purchased them all months before our relationship ended)

so what's the point i'm trying to get to?

i'm in desperate need of some money. i'm a disabled, unemployed person who my parents basically resent for needing their support for survival and i've been trying VERY hard to work towards making ANY kind of income from my creative skills in order to start saving up to attempt to move out of my parents' home and across several states to live my partner as, after being kicked out and left by my ex, has landed me in yet another home that doesn't respect or treat me fairly and takes a toll on my mental health/stress and motivation/focus on a daily basis. the added daily stress of not knowing if my (EXPENSIVE) devices are reliable and functioning has made it extra difficult to stay focused and motivated to keep moving towards my goals.

i currently have no financial nor food security as my parents often (intentionally) leave me out of meals, don't allow me any cash to go shop for myself and tell me to get a job, on the rare occasions i do happen to ask for 5-10 bucks for some dinner, same as they did when i asked for them to help me repair a device that COULD be a job for me if i could just get it back to working condition.

i am VERY new to doing commissions and i understand it does take some time to establish a good work flow + trustworthy reputation as a commission artist but i am determined to work hard and as efficiently as possible to provide clients with the best possible work i can produce. i am NOT, however, new to the art market world as i've had many mutuals and friends who have had commission shops or have gone on to produce their own physical merchandise so i've had many years of observing the processes and progressions.

at this current time, i'm considering setting aside my plans for vtuber development i had for this year which would have included working on small, 'mini' debuts leading up to a larger, legit debut as i progressed to learn to make my own environment overlays and assets + relearning live2d skills to rig my own model, to solely focus on constantly making art to showcase my skills for hire. i am also considering, after polishing up my commissions page more, including smaller, bonus arts with larger piece purchases as a small thank u for people helping me gain work and funds for my needs.

i'm just.. really drained and tired of prolonged issues taking a toll on me, both general life things i've experienced most my life and now these frustrating tech problems that i hope would have been non-existent with a newer pc as i had been experiencing many troubles with my old pc for years (this new pc is only a year old). i'm ready to be able to have peace in my life and to focus on things that are fulfilling to me and bettering skills that bring me joy.

#mochi.txt #vent #commissions #commissions open #boost #signal boost

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the-firebird69 · 4 months

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There are a couple of things happening and Hera is going to make her announcements and we have some too

Thor Freya

Here we go we have some things to announce and they're pretty big I realize what my husband saying it's always this is happening they're cutting them down and for Christ's sake there's still a bunch of them and they're large the a****** himself is having a save a bunch of it and we need to say this this guy next door is a huge dick but we say it because you don't like those people either and he's AI boy but boy is he get excited and he thinks he's winning and he does not have the AI he is a huge loser.

-we have several things going in West Palm and Miami Tampa Sarasota Tallahassee Oliver Florida people are looking for stuff that Trump has of mine and my husband and they're going gangbusters on it it's right here the guy is a sucker and sap and falling apart and they're attacking I'm taking it and BJ is just as rude everyone's going to find out soon

-so few other things too this guy John remillard went out to eat last night and he left like $20,000 on the table and it was his money it was a special money and someone said wow that's a lot of money and they called him and said did you leave the money on intentionally on the table and left some stuff out he says yeah he said well that's a pretty damn big tip so he goes how big was it and it's a thousands they said okay I'll come back and pick it up comes back picks it up and says thank you very much and doesn't give them anything he says you should have told me earlier so you left before we had it and next time we keep it then they said this here comes next time and they're sick of the guy and they said it on their own for the most part and they went out there after him and took the money and he's going do you know who you're messing with and they go deadhead Fred and it's like no it's Trump and I haven't had me even he's afraid of it and he heard no we're getting rid of it how's everybody else so he clocked him and pulled them in because of what he said that's going on a lot and he's did it because someone had him do it because he's handling the money in the money machine and he's like showing my husband this big thing of cash and he got in trouble because of it and that's one of the things they did and he's saying you can't tell me that and saying you mean you may not as a difference sweetie little f****** candy cane so they start beating him up and said stop calling him and hit him he broke and they hit him again and didn't he said well he hates you and they started taking money and stuff and he's a loser but that's how you get money and stuff so on to the next thing

-Trump in the sun are fighting all the time like cats and dogs and they're fighting on shows they're fighting in public they're fighting on the streets they're fighting in the courtroom everybody hates them he won't stop doing it and it's asinine and the max are having them do it they're trying to say our son is going to fight us all the time for our stuff for their stuff and what have you is wrong it never happens and say it's a precursor let me say so what you're a little babies too it's going to be easy but easier than we think and it probably will be but we are getting ready for a war at least two or massive massive nuises and they're on their way out the race fights are starting it's not really a war and it's because they're coming in and it's starting in Mississippi where a lot of them are going and it's spreading to Alabama and other Southern States Louisiana there's a whole bunch of them going there and to California large numbers and to New York it's actually quite the influx I mean that's a lot of people okay is a good amount of people who are coming in and they have had it with their attitude and their stuff and their talk they're ridiculous idiots and it said a lot and reiterated and they're not tolerable of them tolerant of them and they keep warning them to shut up and the warlocks are going away and they go out to the west and they're making all these motorcycles and there are tons of minority warlock coming in for the motorcycles they know what it means and they're in trouble they said and they are attacking them and they're attacking them pretty good all the mack warlock is a huge fight and it's going on right now and there's a lot of people concerned about my husband because Stan is losing his power base and Mac and they're the ones saying they're going to take over the apartment when they can't take it over bja wants to take it over but he's going to fall so my husband says his mom inviting and fighting the Biden if these guys fall and they might fall because there are movies falling doesn't mean that they will but they won't be for a bit but they're starting to get their asses kicked and the empire is too and Biden is pseudo empire. So I start announcing what's going on.

-there's several other things happening and one of them is we're going to war with the morlock John Reema Lord says and I say that he is

-John vivallard I'm putting a hit on you a real one goodbye

-that was my husband any orders of son to do it and he's going to and this ways we can do it all such ways additional to that we are seeking him on special warrant and to haul him in is to get stuff for our army and we have a personal army too and we need it we're going to town and pretty soon we're going to have a huge one in New Zealand and that's what I'm getting to it is about smog and people are up there trying to break him out to do this kidnapping plan that supposedly Tommy savino has and really it's the plan of JC and they heard it too and they see why is all sorts of symbolism from him and some of the max status it's going on now and it's going to be huge and I'm very soon and one of the reasons is that they are trying to get him out of there and tons of people are going to die in Disney world and people are saying it enough people die he's going to be covered in blood it's not in a valley but it's been known that body is pile up and people think they can try and get there if they pile bodies up so it's going to be one of those things already there's been about 5,000 deaths in the Harry Potter village and people want to see it

-there's more to see you then what's going on it's more than meets the eye there's tons of people dying but additional to that which is started up already you can see it they are going after our automobiles and money and this other stuff too down here and one of them is the house from stow Massachusetts and I was there. A lot of people want to see it to see if it has a basement in the basement is somewhere else but there is a door that goes nowhere no it's a little closet and they wanted to look at it and there's a movie that takes place and yeah they tried movie it and one of these idiots got cut in half and got broiled and they broke the house a little and it's kind of healing there's other things happening that's pretty huge they're fighting over it and it's in fort Myers there are huge armies heading towards Miami to take the cars and money and the money spots that we noted are becoming hot and Mexico is much harder and these idiots are there trying to get my money my husband gave me money some of it in the bank is his cash and he says it's my money but I get it but still it's his cash and it's about $5,000 but the interest of money is his if you work it out it's only about 25 Grand but he has investments in California and money in California it all the banks and companies who worked at and total is about 2.5 billion dollars. And it's not the most money he has it's a New England it's about 80 billion dollars in investments in cash CDs and it's all in Massachusetts and Rhode Island and some in New Hampshire when he went up there he deposited part of his social security check is about $10,000 there and Max have plans for all the money and investments he had money and investments it wasn't that much and I put some more in so part of its mind but really it made a lot of money he invested and stuff that you knew we were going to do. So we're going to publish because it's huge but it started off and they're fighting like hell and finally in Florida and his Firebird the 1969 yellow Firebird with a cragar SST rims and still has those that is in Massachusetts and he sold it to some guy so you can fix it up and not to worry about all the problems he bought it for like two grand which is less than you bought it for only $500 and I send it saying it's his code and the guy said that's great and he went out and he figured out what it means and he's mad but what do you want it's 500 bucks I don't have that money so he turns around and says you don't need to worry about it and we have that and said I don't have the 500 and he goes I suddenly see something you're sick with it I said what kind of nincompoop doesn't understand as people who have too much money I'm actually poor so he got mad and said this kid is angry all the time he's poor find out there's tons of people doing it and his pseudo empire and it is not Mike too it's Daniel he says don't bring my car to spain Daniel. And Ken is hearing it Daniel is in Rhode Island mostly no he was from Massachusetts and he is in the dinosaur guy in the name Barney Frank oh that's dc he put it in storage in Boston and my husband says the Pontiac in Boston that's a little odd it's not really but it's strange to him and it's in storage somewhere in downtown underneath the one of those towers and tons of people are going to go there so he told hey FIB but really it's huge and Billy z has the regal which is really the Buick super car shaped like a regular car and that goes through a lot of dumb s*** before it comes out of there and he's supposed to get that thing you might not it's just grossness around it really really awful history and it was awful history at the bridge job and Trump is the one that broke him out of there and the Buick regal was proof now this guy is an a****** about everything and he's up in my face I'm sending people after him

-couple more things are gigantic people pulling out those used motorcycles are harassing people all over the damn place out there and they're trying to find us and stuff so we're started killing tons of them and they're falling and people out there killing them so I go do your job or die and they're sitting there blabbing and it's anymore groups in and more groups and what we're starting to say is why don't you f*** off of that and the groups are not necessarily going right there so we're saying if they don't go right there they're going to get hit if they deviate they get hit it started only an hour after and it said three groupings somewhere else it is dumber than s*** and they're a huge huge groups at them no so he says well go in there and take this stuff and tell him to stop sending people unless they send unarmed people with only stuff to go get the motorcycles and you don't need that many people and so just try doing that and we're taking the motorcycles and other groups are doing it too and these guys are dumbfounded really they're stupid people and there's a whole bunch of people going after them for being dumb they're not getting this stuff out either and it just keep trying that dumb s*** and the same orders and it's effective and I'll tell you what there's a lot of idiots for sending there and a lot of them from the area and they go down and they look like they're going to go there and they don't they get hit and they keep going and piling up and he's sending them up the river and they get hit and we're taking ships he has a poor boy we're pulling stuff out by tomorrow morning the four or five other groups and however many are going to have probably 50 to 60% of all the stuff out and taking it to their areas and these guys can suck wind it's happening all over the world and their motorcycle stuff is slowing down to nothing. And my husband says I'm so sick of having nothing and are people and all this crap he wants to grab all the Can-Am and Polaris so I guess we're going to make a little car it started laughing and the arrows sorry and BG has a design so we can sell them the kit cuz he probably doesn't have time to make it and he's looking at like this I don't have time to make this stupid kit. There's a lot of those arrow vehicles not as many as one would think but the way it comes out it looks real cool and he's asking about chassis and says what size chassis you would fit it and would work. It says the Geo is too big but it would look good it's not really that huge he said there's a couple other cars that are the same size it's like the Tercel and cars that size American ones too and so he's talking to people about those cars and making kits because the cars are intact the motors are not and you have to do the seals or change the suspension so you just rip the body off and interior and you change out the seals I mean you take out the drivetrain because you know you can make a teeny rear I mean mid-drive I mean and he knows what you mean he's saying there's something else weird about it and he said he missed it but he figures out something it's not that important he says oh it's like that little teeny lotus and he thought so and that's kind of the size and kind of will look like a little but not much it looks more like The arrow and he goes what do we call it and my husband says the arrow with a r r o w has kind of like what Max might fall for so he's going ahead and saying we have the arrow and he goes I might have to make the kit and he's saying that cuz it's not a conversion but we can make the conversion kit conversion I think we should and cares about the name we need other stuff and motivation and they said good and they're getting to it and getting permission there's other things too

-there's other things too and it makes sense it says Megan just makes a damn thing out of fiber you have all these people and lawn mowers and they'll be the lawnmower man it's probably one of yours anyways I all sudden she goes okay is it going to go ahead and do it and he says if that car you turn into a flying car it's so damn small she looked at you and said you better stop it it'll be easy and it'll go fast so she likes that she's going to try it and you can probably do it with carbon she knows it works too makeshift compared to what you usually do it's not so she's getting excited about it it's just that I'll give a damn what you say I should have done this s*** I thought you were so she's got some prototypes using the lawn mower and she's saying it's mid-engine so she moves the engine and it has a real small it has to be made engine he goes by the screwing around with it you can make the Bugatti. Probably that size or bigger and she's looking and says yeah maybe a teensy bit although you might be able to get the molds and all that stuff from that company she looks like she says yeah probably. So my husband opens the sliding door by ripping it open it doesn't make tons of noise he walks up to Megan Merkel and it's a dream sequence and she looks up like he's real big and noisy and he's pretty bulky but he goes I'm only three inches taller than I was and she goes over there and get the stuff. So it's kind of funny and then the car is rolling so she's laughing cuz she's broken into open the door he just rips it open it was funny about it is that he's three of us over her he looks gigantic because he's bulky

We're going to publish it's fun and funny

Hera

Zues

I guess he would look like bane and it's true and he wants to do it it sounds like fun cuz he put the machine on and have tubes and try and make them green somehow and they sell them like that and it says I bet I can light up the tube or maybe get those strips that light up and people that laugh because it doesn't look exactly right but it'll be fun and it would be a lot of fun but he comes up with fun stuff to do that's how you I tell you though it wouldn't cost much and it's a good time and yeah your boots will be too small

Bitol and Goddess Wife I'm going to get my name here soon

Olympus

0 notes

simmerandwrite · 3 years

Text

strangers - steve rogers x reader

Warnings: mentions of sexual harassment and non-consensual touching, swearing.

Word count: 4870

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: When your subway ride home takes a turn for the worst, you hope a stranger in a coffee shop will help you out.

Notes: If you saw a snippet of this the other day, here’s the full thing! I wanted to tackle some ‘in need of saving’ tropes and this just sort of happened. I’ve never posted straight up on Tumblr before but I’m a bit lacking in my experience with reader fics, so I figured this was a good place to share it. no beta, any mistakes are my own! If you like it, let me know - thanks for reading!

—

Steve Rogers liked his days off. Not that he had a set schedule week to week anyway but when things aligned correctly, he could do whatever he wanted. No world saving, no training, no report writing, no meetings.

He had scoped out a small little coffee shop in Brooklyn where he liked to spend these quiet afternoons. Usually with a book in hand (he had so many books to catch up on) or some music loaded to his phone (Nat was currently educating him on 90s punk rock) or a notebook and pencil. People watching served as wonderful inspiration to sketch.

He sipped his cappuccino, eyes tipped downward at the book ahead of him on the table. He was interrupted just moments later as someone dropped into the chair across from him.

Now, Steve wasn’t intentionally hiding out at this hole-in-the-wall cafe. But he did put on his laughable disguise still - a beaten up Yankees cap and his prescription-less thick framed glasses. He liked the anonymity. That didn’t always stop people from recognizing him.

As he opened his mouth to question the person who was suddenly joining him for coffee, she slid her phone across the table to him. Her hand shook. His eyebrows flexed into a curious frown as he looked at the screen displaying a plainly typed note:

‘Do you mind if I sit someone is following me home sorry to disturb you’

—

As if your day hadn’t been absolutely terrible enough, you spotted the gremlin of a man on the subway watching you again. You knew he worked somewhere in the same office building as you because he always trailed a few paces behind you when pushing through the revolving doors in the lobby. It wasn’t uncommon to see the same people on the same subway line at the same time every day, but this man’s presence had become an unwanted downside.

He was always there. Worse than that, he seemed to be always watching you. Today, it was even more obvious that he was following you.

When that thought first occurred to you, it had been really easy to shrug off. He was just a guy taking the subway. But when he happened to be on the later train with you one day, an uncomfortable feeling settled in your stomach.

And now, as the car was filling up even more after the second stop in DUMBO, he had moved to stand and put himself even closer to you.

You had been going through so many Next Steps. God, that phrase was the bane of your existence. Next steps, next steps..

Maybe you could tell him to fuck off. You could make an appointment with Leanna in HR and see if there is a way to figure out the name of this guy - though he didn’t work for your company so that was likely going to be a dead end. You could start taking the bus to the village before grabbing the train. Maybe you could Uber home some days instead of taking the subway. Not that you could afford that but this guy was..

You stiffened immediately.

This guy was touching you. In the midst of the crowded subway car, he was pressed against you entirely. And was he.. His hips were moving against your leg and.. Wait, that was two hands on your hips now.. Hot breath whispered against your neck and -

Fuck.

You threw yourself through the mob as the train came to a stop. With hurried feet you ran onto the platform and up the stairs, doing your best to weave through the flow of people, like a fish trying to make it upstream. You tried not to be obvious but as you snapped your head over your shoulders to look back, you saw him there again.

He was smirking. No, snarling.

Next steps, next steps.

You joined a sea of people crossing the street, taking your first left to try and steer yourself into a particular direction. You were still a far walk from your apartment but with this man on your heels, you didn’t want to lead him anywhere near there.

You grabbed your phone from your jacket pocket, unlocking it quickly and scrolling through the contacts. Surely there had to be someone you could call but even then, what could they do? Offer advice?

It didn’t occur to you until then but would it be valuable to call the cops?

Despite the late day sunlight, you suddenly felt very aware of the emptiness of the sidewalk on that side street. You needed to be around people. It definitely wasn’t logical to be anywhere near alone with this guy and -

It sounded like his footsteps were getting closer. With a panicked gulp, you yanked on the door of a little hole-in-the-wall cafe. Your eyes scanned the space quickly once you were inside. You probably shouldn’t sit alone, you couldn’t run to the bathroom if you aren’t sure where it is or if you needed a key. There were too many variables.

You needed something. Next steps..

You spotted someone sitting at a small table near the window and without thinking, you sent out a silent prayer to whoever might be listening and you rushed over. The man was clearly alone, a half consumed ceramic mug of coffee sitting to the right of his book.

Swallowing hard, you quickly typed on your phone and slid it across the table to him after you sat. You tried your best to stay very calm and hoped that he would play along. God, what if he didn’t play along and -

Behind you, the door chimed once more and you desperately wanted to see if it was that man - if the gremlin had followed you inside. You clasped your hands together in your lap and forced a smile on as you looked at the stranger sitting across from you.

Despite not knowing him, there was a familiarity about his appearance. Behind his thick glasses, soft blue eyes searched you carefully. His eyes flicked to the screen once more, stiffening in his chair as he looked past you towards the rest of the cafe.

With his right hand, he reached into the inside pocket of his coat and took out a small notebook and a pen. He scribbled something quickly and turned the page towards you.

Are you hurt?

You shook your head quickly. He offered you a tight smile and wrote once more.

Buzzcut, grey jacket?

Your eyes blew open wide and you tilted your head into a nod.

I’m Steve

He flipped the notebook closed and extended his hand across the table, palm facing up. He leaned forward just slightly, meeting your eyes with a reassuring smile. “Play along.”

Your eyes flicked to his hand and you slowly unclamped your own, grabbing his on the table instead. He was doing an impressive job splitting his attention between you and his surroundings, eyes scanning the room. He squeezed your hand very gently, brushing his thumb against your knuckles.

“Tell me about your day.”

You sucked in a hard breath. You weren’t entirely sure what his strategy was but something told you this guy was in your corner. Though despite that, you could feel another set of eyes on you.

“Uh,” you started quietly, letting the air escape your lungs. “Surprisingly, I didn’t think it could get worse before I got on the subway after work. I had a review meeting that was not great and we had a free catered lunch that was not vegetarian friendly. Missed an important email and deadline and… well, here I am whining about it and interrupting your day. Listen, I’m going to-

You moved to stand up but Steve shook his head, grasping your hand. “Give it a few more minutes, I think he’ll give up and leave.”

His words were casual but had an authoritative tone. Once more his eyes left you, looking towards the front of the cafe. He raised his free hand and motioned to one of the baristas. You weren’t certain if this was the type of place who served people at their seats but clearly he had a comfortable rapport as the young girl approached with a warm smile on her face.

“Hey Tia, could I get another?”

“Anything for you?” The barista turned her head as she asked, pony tail moving from side to side.

“Uhm.” You paused and thought. You certainly had no desire to even consider a coffee order when you felt someone’s linger gaze boring into you. “A decaf con panna, if that’s possible.” The girl confirmed it was with a nod then left the table side.

“Con panna?” Steve’s lips pulled into a curious smirk. Something about his smile calmed you.

“Espresso with whipped cream on top,” you answered. “Short and sweet.”

“I’ll have to try that next time.”

Steve sure had a soothing smile. When his thumb stopped tracing against your palm - when did that even start? - you felt an empty sadness about the loss. Wow, what did that even say about your standards when a stranger was brushing his thumb against your hand that you were so grateful for? Well, it was a thousand times better than someone rubbing his -

You winced at the memory, biting down as you clutched your bottom lip between your teeth. Though that shameful feeling hadn’t disappeared, you managed to keep it at bay. But now, it seemed to have left an image you were unable to blink away.

The sweet smell of whipped cream and the shuffling of paper cups broke you from your trance. You reached for your bag to fish out a few dollars but when you looked up, Steve was waving a hand to stop you.

It’s not that you didn’t appreciate his kindness. You did. You really, really did. But given the last half hour, you still had a hard time settling your nervous mind.

“Thanks, Tia.” Steve’s eyes were jumping around the place as the barista grabbed the cash he offered. A loud stomp of footsteps drew their attention as the Subway Gremlin saddled up beside the table.

“Sorry to be a bother, darlin’ - any chance I can borrow your phone?”

You couldn’t help but look at him. Though his words were directed at the barista, he made a point to glance over at you.

You felt Steve’s hands grip yours. When you looked towards him, his eyes were very carefully watching the man. How did he manage to -

“Sorry, we don’t have a dedicated line available to customers.” Tia politely shook her head, pointing towards the door. “There’s a CityBank up the street that can help you, I’m sure.” She shrugged and headed back to the coffee counter.

The man stood still, opening his mouth to argue.

Steve sat back, shoulders broad and steady. “Did you need directions there? I think it’s just two blocks. Maybe 500 paces.” His tone was flat. “Just out the door and you’ll be on your way.”

You kept your eyes on Steve. He kept his stare directed at the man. Finally, after what felt like hours of waiting, the man moved his feet. He turned on his heel, though not before stopping to look at you again.

“I will see you tomorrow, dar-

Steve released your hand and pushed his chair back, standing quickly and grasping the man’s shoulder.

Steve towered over him. “You have five seconds.” The man pulled away from Steve’s grip then finally stomped away. You kept your eyes tightly shut until you heard the chime of the bell indicating the movement of the door. Then, you collapsed onto your arms on the edge of the table.

Steve, meanwhile, headed to the door and kept watch for a few more moments to ensure the man actually departed from the area. Then, he stopped at the counter and exchanged a few words with Tia before returning you.

You were still doing your best to encourage the floor to open up and swallow you whole. How had this even escalated? The worst part was your mind seemed clouded with doubt. This man, you hadn’t even interacted with him before. Why was he suddenly so invested in you? To a point where he might follow you home? Were you just another target or had this been intentional?

You considered yourself a fairly observant person and yet..

You twisted your hands together in your lap and tried to consider what was going to happen now. Next steps, next steps..

“Hey.” Steve returned to his chair. Your eyes flicked up towards him, noticing he was sliding a bottle of water towards you. Your sad little espresso and whipped cream treat was deflated next to it. “Are you okay?”

You reached for the water bottle, twisting the cap open and taking a long drink. “I don’t know.” Chewing on your bottom lip, you shook your head. “No, actually. I’m not. It somehow feels like my skin is on fire and my lungs are failing me and I’m sweaty but I’m not and - and -

“Hey, hey. Look at me.” Steve spoke so calmly and evenly. “Just take a slow breath with me, okay?” You closed your eyes once more and followed his instructions as he walked you through a few breathing exercises. “That’s great, you’re doing great-

When he stopped speaking so quickly, you opened one eye to look over at him. His cheeks were a warm shade of pink and his mouth was twisted into a frown. “What?”

“It just occurred to me I didn’t get your name.” He paused, as if to consider his next thought. “Although, given what just happened with that man, you are under no obligation to tell me anything about yourself. I just.. I’d like to help.”

His genuine concern for you was surprising. You allowed a small smile to stretch across your face. “You’re very nice, Steve.”

You gave him your name and he smiled back, repeating it to himself. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Your smile turned downwards when you looked towards your phone. “I should probably get going. Again, I’m really sorry for dragging you into this mess but I appreciate the… solace.” You took a deep breath and pushed your chair back, pausing to tip the lukewarm espresso into your mouth. “I owe you one.”

You winced when you heard yourself and sighed. Why did you say that? This stranger, this friendly, broad shouldered, tall, handsome stranger who’s day you interrupted, did not need your weird backhanded flirting. In fact, even though every signal in your brain seemed on edge after, well, everything, the only thing that seemed to ground you now was the kindness of Steve. So you tried to will yourself not to ruin it with any additional commentary.

You weren’t entirely sure what had driven you down this particular street into this particular cafe and towards this particular man. But, you were certainly grateful. “Actually, do they have gift cards here? I’d love to buy you one to say thank you and -

“Are you going to walk? Wherever you’re going right now?” When you looked over, you saw that Steve had stood, too. You saw his eyes move towards the door and the far windows up the street where the man from the subway had gone. “I don’t want to overstep but I hope you’ll let me walk you home. Or far enough away to have cleared his radar.”

“I feel like I’ve already wasted enough of your time, Steve.” You truly felt worse and worse for interrupting his afternoon.

“Please, I insist.” Steve tilted his head, half a smirk on his lips. “You just said you owe me one, so. I’m cashing in the favour.”

“The favour repayment you’re cashing in is.. you doing me another favour? Do you know how favours are supposed to work?” Admittedly, you knew you would feel a lot safer having someone walk home with you. And something about Steve made you feel very secure, his presence like a comforting shield.

“C’mon,” Steve replied with a laugh, nudging his head towards the door.

When you stepped onto the sidewalk, you stopped to think. “Let’s go this way.” You turned to the right and Steve followed, staying on your shoulder closest to the street. You walked in a comfortable silence - which made you nervous at first. Then, as your steps fell into a pattern, the quiet soothed you.

You pushed your hands into the pockets of your jacket as you turned down the next block. You looked over at Steve, who turned his head towards you as you shifted. “You didn’t ask anything else about the man.. Who followed me.”

A quiet hum came from Steve. “I didn’t think I should. You seemed shaken up enough.” He shrugged, peering down at you through his glasses. “If you want to talk about it..”

“I work in this big office building in Midtown. The Clifton building?”

Steve motioned his hand diagonally. “Little bagel place downstairs? That’s right down from The Avengers tower, isn’t it?”

You nodded along. Right. Stark Tower was The Avengers Tower, now. It was the most iconic landmark on that block. “Yes. Actually, I work on the 40th floor, which makes for a great angle to see Iron Man coming in.” Your smile was fleeting when you continued on. “It’s a huge building. I work in human resources for this pharmaceutical company.. But there’s a law firm in there, too. Insurance companies, start ups.. Hundreds of people in and out all day long. Yet, that man on the subway has managed to..” You stopped yourself before your chest got too tight. “Let’s just say I’ve seen him around before.”

“Do you know his name?”

“That’s the thing!” You couldn’t help but laugh now, shaking your head in dumbfounded confusion. “No. I have no idea who he is. But he often gets on the same subway line as me, watches me from across the crowd then today..” You stopped and dragged a hand down your face. “It’s a sad truth but I would say most of my friends have been.. Touched inappropriately on the subway before. I guess it’s a weird right of passage or something..”

“Wait - what?” Steve stopped in his tracks and reached his hand out to grab yours. You stopped and looked up at his eyes, somehow both soft and dark with concern. “He touched you? What do you mean?”

You raised an eyebrow, wondering if his ask was authentic. When you saw the disappointment in his face, eyes flooded with something you couldn’t quite pinpoint, you realized his reaction was genuine. You opened your mouth to explain but suddenly it seemed impossible to find the words.

Steve let go of your hand as he absorbed your lack of response and reached for his phone. “You can file a police report, right?”

“No, no.” You stopped him, placing your hand on his as he held his phone. “Trust me, that’s just paperwork that goes nowhere. Without the guy's name, absolutely nothing would come from it anyway.” You shook your head. “It’s fine, really. I might just adjust my work hours and change my route home for a few weeks. Maybe he’ll give up.”

Steve muttered something to himself, shaking his head. His face shifted from concern to something else, like his brain was working on a different trail of thoughts. He spoke your name quietly, drawing your attention to him again. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”

Steve’s kindness was a strange contrast to the entire experience on the subway. How one man could have such questionable intentions while another apologizes with sincerity for it was nearly jarring. Although, it did suddenly occur to you that Steve was just as much of a stranger.

“The worst part is.. men like that sever any opportunity for trust in other people. Especially blind trust. Like me telling you, a stranger, where I work and walking you to where I live. Funny enough though - every wire in my brain should be telling me not to and how it was a bad idea but.. I guess there is something about you.”

Steve sucked in a breath, eyes wide as he considered his response. “When you walked into the coffee shop, you could have asked the barista for help or tried to hide out in the bathroom. But you sat next to me instead. How come?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. Like I said, there's just something about you, Steve.”

You walked in silence again, feet falling into a pattern once more. The sky was growing darker, the air cooler. After crossing the street again, you looked at him. “How do you feel about Prezio being traded to the Orioles?” You reached out and tipped up the brim of his Yankees hat. “A tragedy, right?”

A quiet laugh escaped him as he tipped his head. “I think it was a huge mistake. Don’t you think we’ve had a hard enough year as it is?” Your silence was filled with baseball talk instead and it seemed to put both of you at ease.

“This is me.” You stopped outside of a short apartment complex, pointing a thumb to the door.

Steve smiled, one hand in the pocket of his jacket as he studied you. Was this it? After the wild rollercoaster of emotions you had spilled onto him in the last hour, parting with nothing else seemed empty. Lacking. He opened his mouth and closed it, once then twice.

Finally, you cut in. “Thanks again, Steve. Really. If you hadn’t played along and scared him away.. well, I’m not sure where I would be right now. It means a lot that you cared enough about a stranger to make sure I was safe.”

Steve sighed out your name. “I’m sorry your barometer for kindness is so low.”

You sighed. “Yeah, me too.” Part of you wanted to do something. Say something else. Linger a tiny bit longer. But your feet shuffled and your hand reached for the door. “Have a good night, Steve.”

—

“I need a favour.”

“Well, good morning to you, sunshine. Did you lock yourself out of your computer again? FRIDAY can help with that.”

“Tony, this is serious.”

“Okay, okay. I recognize that scowl. How can I help you?”

“If I provided you some video footage from a security camera, can we track someone down? Figure out who they are? For full transparency, it’s just a civilian.”

“Sounds like we’re operating outside of the law, Rogers. Can you provide me with more context? I don’t mind the grey area - I just like the drama, too.”

Steve sighed, then reluctantly explained himself. The cafe. Your panicked message. The stalker of a man. The way you dismissed it all as a normal, unfortunate side effect of existing as a woman. His barista friend provided him with camera footage but he wasn’t sure it was enough.

Tony pinched between his eyes. “Men are scum. And I say that as someone in the practice of trying to be better. Recovering scum, if you will. I’ll see what I can do. FRIDAY, how quietly can we get into the security database at the Clifton building?”

—

Although you hadn’t lied to Steve, it occurred to you on your journey home that your guard should remain up. Which is why you had actually allowed him to walk you to your aunt’s apartment, instead of your own. She was happy to see you burst through the door and insisted you stay for dinner. That was a tiny silver lining to the whole mess.

The next day though, the thought of going into work was suffocating. So you opted to spend the day working from home instead, which your boss had been agreeable to, at least. One day rolled into two and you successfully avoided the office building until the following Monday. But then, you needed a plan. Next steps, next steps.

You took an Uber to the office early and left late at the end of the day, leaving out the back stairway and crossing a few blocks to take a different subway line home. It was unfortunate you had to cater your life to the chance you would run into this goon again, but your sense of security was slowly returning. That had to count for something.

Things shifted later that week. There was a sudden new policy sent out to all the staff in your office outlining new building ownership and training about sexual harassment policies.

“It’s a long time coming,” you heard someone mutter out in the elevator as you headed down towards the lobby.

“Guess Tony Stark just wants to own the whole block,” their coworker chirped back, pulling to loosen his tie.

There was even more commotion when you exited the elevator and walked towards the large glass doors. A team of NYPD officers were standing outside, shoving someone in the back of their cruiser. Your eyes narrowed. You couldn’t be certain but from that angle, you certainly recognized the bad buzzcut. Your eyes darted around the lobby anxiously and across the room, a small crowd of suits and officers had formed near..

Tony Stark, himself.

Before you could even try to understand what was going on, you heard someone calling your name. You turned your head and saw someone who looked a lot like -

“Steve?” You took a few steps towards him, pausing to glance from him back at Tony Stark and.. “Oh my god. You’re Steve Rogers. Why didn’t you say something?”

Captain America had walked you home. Hidden behind glasses and a hat. And you always considered yourself observant.

Steve just smirked, shrugging a shoulder. “I didn’t think it was important.”

You couldn’t help but smile. “Should I be thanking you for all of this chaos?”

Steve furrowed his brow in mock confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, maybe I’m extrapolating here but the same day my subway stalker gets taken away in cuffs, Stark Industries buys out this building and mandates a new policy and code of conduct.”

Steve pursed his lips, swallowing back a mischievous smirk. “Here’s the thing. It occurred to me that your best choice of action after that day was changing your entire life to avoid that man. And I couldn’t help but think about how broken that system was.”

You sighed. It had occurred to you, too. While you were relieved to shake the man from your trail, your mind considered he would probably turn his attention to someone else. And that wouldn’t be fair.

“Well, Cap. Job well done. That scum of a man had priors in Jersey, too.” Tony Stark himself had walked to where you and Steve stood. His hand clapped on Steve’s shoulder. “You’re at least going to ask her out, right? I mean, I bought an entire building for you - make a move, pal.”

Steve flushed pink and you couldn’t help but do the same.

“I’m getting a bagel. You want a bagel?” Tony raised an eyebrow from you to Steve again, smiling proudly.

“I’m good. I recommend the poppy seed though!” You called as Tony flitted away, narrowly avoiding a proper looking blonde woman who seemed very tired.

You turned your attention back to Steve. “He seems like a lot.”

“He is.” Steve nodded, motioning his hand. “I know it’s only one thing, maybe a ripple in making a difference but.. I’m hoping one less inappropriate person on the subway can give you peace of mind.”

You smiled again. Though you had seen many appearances by Captain America on the news, seeing the man in person was different. It seemed Steve Rogers walked the walk. After parting ways with him before, though he had crossed your mind, you didn’t anticipate your menial issues leading to this.

“Thanks. Really. Even one person makes a difference.” You reached out and touched his arm. “Thank you, Steve.”

“I’m sorry about Tony, though. His comments about asking you out and.. that certainly wasn’t my goal here.”

“I don’t know. You just did me a huge favour getting rid of that gremlin. I think I owe you.”

Steve caught your cheeky smile and stood up a bit straighter. “Well, in that case, the Yankees are playing the Sox tomorrow night. Tony never uses his tickets and the seats aren’t half bad. What do you say?”

“You’re cashing in this favour to take me on a date? Usually people ask for help moving or a ride to the airport or something.” You let out a dramatic sigh. “Sure. I guess you can take me to the game, Steve. If you ask politely, I’ll probably even hold your hand.”

After work the next day, Steve met you outside and you took the subway together to the stadium. You knew this wasn’t the end of it for you or anyone else worried about their personal boundaries being crossed. But, as you gripped the subway pole and your fingers grazed against Steve’s, you could finally breathe again. For the first time in a while, you weren’t anticipating next steps.

It was just you and the kind stranger from the coffee shop.

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers x oc #marvel fanfiction #steve rogers #reader fanfiction #idk yall #simmerandcry #simmer writes

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redloftwingfeathers · 3 years

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I feel like talking about the shit Zelda not only had to put up with but also what she subconsciously summoned herself and you're going to sit and listen and maybe cry with me okay? Okay.

While I don't think that was very cash-money of 'Hylia' to make Zelda wait until she's reached true, unrelenting despair to finally find her light, it made me wonder how everything came into play that made her journey so painstakingly hard, and not just Hylia pulling fast ones from the clouds. (Trust me I wanted to blame the goddess so bad after that moving performance at the spring of power but wait!! there's more!)

Things I'm looking at are specifically Zelda's anxieties of wanting to be a scholar but having to throw herself to the dogs of religion to keep Rhoam happy, the HEAVY depression she carries with not just from the loss of her mother but also just constantly being berated by her father and feeling like she's not good enough for Hylia, the jealousy and anger she harbors towards Link in their beginnings and how it effects her growth.

All of these are things (coming from someone who is very mentally ill) are ingredients that distract Zelda from her goals, intentional or not.

Zelda has a classic case of "I wanna do This Thing (studying, traveling) but I have to do That Thing (religion, strict orders) instead and now the fun is sucked out of it and my mind is buzzing and now I don't know what to do girl (hylia) HELP"

What's even worse is despite her hand-picked maturity, she KNOWS what is right and what she needs to do (her level of self awareness is impeccable sometimes) but she is still just a child in the end, wanting to live her life without dictation, which causes frustration and anger and can lead to self-doubts.

Starting with the loss of her mother, Rhoam claims that Zelda did not cry at all during the ceremony, and that it proved to him he could still be a strong king with how unwavering his daughter was. And although that's shown as an "awe inspiring" moment, it shows Rhoam does not understand how the processing of grief registers differently amongst people, especially children. She may have not showed it when she was, what, 6? (Not every normal 6 year old understands the fragility of mortality) but you can definitely see it affects her later on as Zelda grows older. It may not be entirely visible at first, but the way they portray it in HWAoC (I know its not entirely canon but bare with me on this) she longs for her mother's advice and comfort when her pleas and ideas fall deaf on the king's ears. Her mother seemed to be a very wise and compassionate queen, where Rhoam is a wise and a very bite-the-bullet king.

When stakes are high he trusts what he thinks needs to be done, and he enforces Zelda to finish her training Because she is part of his plan to push back the calamity. He knows protocol, and there's no room for creative thinking when the land of Hyrule is in danger. (Disclaimer: I hate Rhoam but I can also try to see what Nintendo was doing. He's not intentionally mean, he's an assertive dad that wants to see his daughter succeed (and also hella depressed) but he's really fucking bad at it and comes off as a dickhead. He is the embodiment of a boomer that does things the old fashioned way to get things done).

But all of this pressure he is putting on her, taking away things that make her happy so they don't distract her from her duty, shooting down her ideas because he wouldn't know how to even approach it from his standpoint, it really does a number on Zelda and really births her insecurities.

No matter how hard she prays and dedicates herself to Hylia, it doesn't work. Her mind is distracted, filled with fear and very little hope that the magic isn't Working. What even kicks me in the jaw more is that she's putting all of her effort into these prayers, and it's not even her wish she's making. It's Rhoam's wish. Her Ancestral Family's wish. That's why it hasn't sparked. She's praying on the behalf of her father and ancestors and not herself because she firmly believes there's other ways to settle the score. Zelda knows the importance of her role but its just not clicking when someone else is forcing you to do it. It just doesn't work like that.

Moving onto her liaison with Link, she is, well, in the beginning very irritated with him. Even a little bit after being chosen by Fi. But I don't think she MEANS to be angry at Link, he didn't do anything wrong in all honesty. She shouldn't take out her anger on him, but she's jealous, and he exists...so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

When Link is suddenly chosen by the sword at a drop of a hat?? Yeah she's relieved, but there's also undertones of resentment. All of her Champions are here at the ready and she's still trying to figure out what shoe goes on first. She is the goddamn Princess of Hyrule, one who carries the blood of Hylia in her veins, and this random tiny knight who, mind you, fought tooth and nail to be her escort ends up finding his role before her? She is riding the struggle mule up Mount Lanayru (and I don't really blame her). And when she's exploring the shrines?? She makes it very clear to him she can work independently and does not need an escort, which although understood (freedom is a peace everyone strives for) she is careless regardless of her careful planning and efforts. She's a Princess, wandering Hyrule unarmed (and without her powers) with a horse as her only mode of transportation. You won't see yourself as a target even if they're pinned on your back, and with her determination to utilize these mysterious shrines as more Sheikah tech is being discovered is making her blind in remembering where she's placed in social status. It's dangerous, and I'm glad Link is there to see what she fails to see.

That's another thing too. As they progress and strengthen their friendship, Zelda sees Link as a mirror to question what her role really means. She uses him as guidance to help understand her situation, asking him "If you were told your whole life This is what you're meant to do, to take up your family's legacy...but one day realize this isn't what you want, would you still take the path you've been told to take?" In this case I think it's safe to say this is what Link knew he wanted. He loves being an aid to those in need, and becoming a knight despite following his father's path, this felt like his true calling. The spirit of the hero is VERY strong in his soul, and when he sees someone in need of help [Zelda] he's going to aid them whether they want it or not.

But Zelda still feels so lost, she feels so disconnected from her ancestors, as the previous daughters in the royal families were Given their powers at birth and meant to be awakened when the time has come. They were all given the gift of premonition, to be a medium for Hylia and a messenger of the gods, and overall able to keep Ganon away from the world no matter how many times he crawls back from the depths of hell. Being told your whole life you're meant to be like your ancestors, but not being able to fulfill any of those roles? It makes the past seem like one giant fairy tale when in you're in BotW Zelda's shoes.

No voices, no premonitions, no secret awakenings...Nothing.

At this moment, I finally understood why Urbosa said to Revali about Link. She said he is a constant reminder of Zelda's own failures. Link found his calling by following his instinct. Zelda has yet to figure out what she really wants, and is clouded by judgements not only from her father and people, but from herself too. With every passing day she is undergoing a meltdown, questioning if she is even meant to be apart of this whole plan anymore, probably something among the lines of "Was it meant to be someone else? I'm the only daughter, and yet I can't even do my one job." She lost everyone and everything, she's frightened, it feels like she's lost her faith in the gods, or even dare say, the gods lost faith in her.

But through absolute despair when Link just about gives his life for her protection, that's when it all clicked. She found her power and strength through Link, who was the one that, all this time, taught her about what she needed to do to awaken her powers without even directly telling her. Every conversation she had with him, she saw herself in Link. She saw all the effort he gave into becoming a royal knight, the unwavering determination in his eyes with every Lynel he slew, a never ending supply of optimism and hope no matter how high the stakes were. And yet he was also Free. He followed his path blindly, not even knowing where he'd end up, as long as he knew he was

able to protect those in need. And she wanted that.

He was her mirror, and Zelda managed to awaken herself when that mirror cracked.

Living the burden of being part of a prophecy and saying you're ready for anything, is very reckless. Understanding the heaviness that comes with sacrifice is not truly understood until it starts happening to you.

Zelda found her wish, her independence through Link. Her mind is finally clear and she understands what her role means in all of this.

She is meant to protect, to save, to understand more than just personal loss.

Zelda couldn't stand by idly anymore after everyone told her to do something else and let others handle the job. That was the last straw when Link stood in front of her, shield weak but at the ready when that guardian approached. She saw the desperation and said NO, which finally broke her seal. She chose to sacrifice herself, igniting her powers just as Hylia did for her people. She chose to save her last, literally dying hope, because Ganon cannot be fought alone.

He was the connection, the literal link, she needed to awaken her powers. And I just find that so fucking great.

Anyways thanks for coming to my TED talk I've been typing this for like 4 hours now

#hHGDFJDF SORRY THIS IS SO LONG #dont tag as zelink pls i tried keeping this ambiguous as possible thank #the legend of zelda #botw #aoc spoilers #sorta #cat talks #also my thoughts are flying faster than my fingers #so this might skip and jump around #my adhd welcomes you

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whyamiherewhosummonedme · 3 years

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It's analysis time motherfuckers, because that conversation with Dream in front of the Nether Portal was INTERESTING.

So, Technoblade owes Dream a favor. We all knew that this fact would be important, and it's shaping up to be even MORE important than we thought. Let's talk about some of the most important things that could be understood from that little conversation, shall we?

First, Techno bringing up the favor in the first place, sounding very excited. This can be taken in two possible ways. One (and probably the more likely explanation) is that Technoblade the minecraft youtuber and ex-english major is extremely excited for whatever is planned to happen when that favor gets called in, and wanted to remind the audience (and Tommy) that it's a thing, which is worrying all on its own because Technoblade likes greek mythology and greek mythology is not kind. The other explanation is that Technoblade, the anarchist pigman in a world full of government, is sick and tired of Tommy constantly messing up his plans (being the opposite of stealthy when sneaking into L'manberg, dragging random violent llamas around while trying to do a mission, stealing and wasting some of the most valuable objects he has such as slowfalling potions and gapples) and wants him gone. He was excited to bring up the idea of betraying Tommy with the excuse of a favor, because it would rid him of a loud, annoying, useless thorn in his side. Remember, SBI isn't a family to Techno. Tommy isn't really a brother. Just some random kid who used him, threw him to the side after his usefulness was complete, then came running back and demanding his aid once again when he finally was forced to face some consequences. It would be a blessing for Dream to get rid of him for Techno. The pig may be manipulating him like the god before him and the musician before him, but he isn't really getting anything out of it.

Second, Dream's response. He hesitated, mulling over whether or not to do what Techno said and cash in his favor right then and there. Either he did that and brought Tommy under his grasp once more, or he saved it for later, likely to be used during or after whatever he's planning that will make everyone hate him. However, Tommy has come to realize that Dream was manipulating him, even if he hasn't really seemed to come to terms with it fully. He told Dream to his face that he was a manipulator and told the most powerful man on the server, literally God, to go fuck himself. I imagine that Dream realized that there was no way to bring Tommy back to heel - he'd gone too far in the opposite direction, intentionally not taking a damn thing seriously and being the biggest asshole he could possibly be. It would be far too much work to make this child obedient again, if he could do so at all - no, the plan had to be changed. The same trick wouldn't work twice, at least not from the same man. So, he decided to keep that favor for later, pulling on one of his backup plans. And if there's one thing Dream has shown, it's that he's never, ever unprepared. I always think back to the behind the scenes videos on Punz's channel of the Revolutionary War, and how Dream prepared for the absolute worst-case scenario and set up three separate backup plans in case something happened that he hadn't expected, none of which even needed to be used. If that's what his planning skills were like back then... Then what the hell kind of ludicrous backup plans does he have NOW?

Third, the Disc. Dream said that he got Tommy's disc Cat back from Skeppy, who's had it longer than Tommy ever did by now. This wouldn't seem to be much of something to think about, except that the last time we saw Skeppy, he'd been infected by the Crimson. He had the disc at that point, even going so far as to toss it around and threaten to burn it. And the thing is, Skeppy has not been cured. Dream didn't get the disc from Skeppy, he got it from Red Skeppy, who has declared that his only desire is for the Crimson to grow and prosper. He doesn't even care about Bad kissing other people in front of him, and burned 14 wholeass diamond blocks because he didn't care about them. How, exactly, did Dream negotiate with him? What could he have given Red Skeppy to convince him to give up Cat? And how will this affect the Crimson arc, which has been confirmed to be important to the main plotline?

And fourth, a smaller thing that still caught my interest: Dream protesting over his supposed homelessness. Now, I firmly believe that Dream is telling the truth that he does, in fact, have a base - there is no fucking way that he carries everything on him, not when he apparently has so much stuff to throw around, and also as he evidently has at least a Piglin trading farm (he gave Sam 5 or 6 stacks of enderpearls after he asked for them for the Vault construction, all the obsidian for the New L'manberg Walls, and him making it clear that he wanted to play everything legitimately in Survival Mode), likely with other farms hidden around the server (the Trident farm that he tore down after showing where it was, and the villager trading hall that Punz found under his base while cleaning out Blood Vines). There's absolutely no way that he doesn't have a hidden base, even if just to hold all his items. The only reason that he doesn't show it to Technoblade to prove that he does, in fact, have a house is because wants to keep it actually hidden, since his last hidden base was griefed constantly the moment it was found. However, while protesting and saying that he does have a base tp Techno, he stopped himself in the middle of yelling and said "you'll see, you'll see" in a much softer tone. This makes me, personally, believe that that hidden base is indeed going to be a plot point in the future, or at the very least it'll be found and explored. This then makes me wonder about what Dream hinted at before, with him having to run away after he does something that will make the entire server hate him. Will he be chased after when he runs? Will there finally be a manhunt on the SMP run by someone who grew popular for his manhunts? And if there is, will they find Dream inside of his base, or will they find it abandoned, or is it well-hidden enough that they will never find it at all, and he'll explicitly show it to someone when the time comes for a grand reveal of whatever's hidden in there? I don't know, but I look forward to whatever the plan is!

Basically, while the lore stuff was relatively short, I'm a Dream apologist and am constantly reading too much into things to try and figure out what the hell is planned in the future. No matter what, we can be certain that things will come to a head in two days. Let's watch these fireworks, shall we?

#dreamsmp #dream smp #mcyt #mcytblr #dreamwastaken #technoblade #tommyinnit #skeppy #ngl this is one of my better analyses i think #i guess we'll see how close I am in a couple days tho

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rjhpandapaws · 3 years

Text

A Cup of Something Better

Chapter 14: Lessons in Misreading the Room

Hank had been right, he had been worrying too much about his nurse’s exam. It was easer than he was expecting it to be, now he just had to wait a week for the results to be posted. He knew it would be a while before they were posted, but he was still checking his phone pretty regularly despite only having finished the exam the day before. “Alright, give me that.” Hank said and held his hand out across the table. His tone was stern but his expression was general, “We’re here to celebrate you finishing your nurses exam not to sit and worry about the results.” “Right.” He locked his phone and put it away, opting for his bag instead of his pocket. “ I know the results won’t be posted yet, but I keep thinking that I’m going to get a message that I failed.” “Connor.” Hank put his hand over his and squeezed it, “You didn’t fail, not with how much time you took to prepare. I know you’re worried because this one decides a lot for you, but you also said that it wasn’t as difficult as you had thought. That was because you were ready for it. There’s not a doubt in my mind that you passed, so just relax.” “Have you met me Hank?” Connor half joked and Hank rolled his eyes. “A tall order, I know.” Hank said dryly. “But seriously Connor, take some time to catch your breath. It will be fine I promise.”

Connor sighed and changed gears as best he could although his worry was still gnawing at him, “So how are the manuscripts coming?” Hank barked out a laugh, “Wow, I tell you to relax and you attack me.” He let go of Connor’s hand and he was tempted to chase it, “They’re going, and I’m a bit stuck on them both if I’m honest.” Connor laughed as well, “I was only trying to make conversation.” Hank rolled his eyes and took a drink from his latte. Connor reached for his own and found it empty so he stood up. “I’m going to get another coffee. Do you want one as well?” He asked. “Yes please.” Hank replied, “Mind ordering them to go? There’s more I wanted to do today to celebrate.” “Alright.” Connor agreed and did what he could to keep the suspicion out of his voice, “Meet you at the car then?” “Sure.” Hank responded and Connor made his way to the short line after he made sure he had his wallet. Hank had this day planned for when he had finished his semester finals, but since Connor had basically been an overly emotional pile of jello when they had ended, they moved it to after his nurse’s exam. Now that it had passed there was no more putting it off. He had no reason to be nervous, yet he was.

Hank wasn’t his professor anymore, the only thing he really had to worry about was Ezra, but she wasn’t any of his business. Yet he still found himself anxious. What if he was reading too much into this? What if Hank only saw him as a friend? He shook his head to clear away those thoughts. They were celebrating today, the very least he could do was try and enjoy it. He stepped up to the counter and immediately wished he had asked Hank>” to get the coffee. North was working the counter and Josh was working the bar. They were both going to give him shit, they always did. Save for the new girl, all of his coworkers were under the impression that Hank was interested in him. They were only friends, and that seemed to be how it was going to stay. “Taking the date on the road?” North asked in way of a greeting, “To go refills I’m guessing.” Connor rolled his eyes, “Its not a date North, but yeah, We’re heading out.” “He held your hand for like a whole minute.” She pushed as he handed her the cash. “I was panicking over my exam. It didn’t mean anything.” He pushed back. “Did you want it to?” She asked and Connor hesitated. “That doesn’t matter.” Connor replied as he moved to the other counter. He could wish it to have meant something all he liked, but it wouldn’t change the fact that it hadn’t. Hank was just friendly like that. There was nothing more to it unfortunately.

Josh seemed to be better at reading the atmosphere than North had been because when he handed Connor the drinks he didn’t have much to say. “Tell Hank hello when you see him; and Connor, relax you did fine. I’m sure.” Connor gave a nod and lifted one of the cups in place of a wave as he left. He didn’t know what they were seeing from Hank that was making him think that he was interested in Connor. They were only friends, and Hank didn’t really seem interested in him as it was so he planned to leave it alone. He walked around the corner into the side lot where Hank had said he was parked. Hank smiled when he saw him but it quickly turned into a look of concern soon after. “You alright Con? You look like someone intentionally gave you decaf.” Hank said as Connor handed him his drink. “North was being her usual pleasant self.” Connor said flatly, “Also Josh says hello.” “Hello to Josh then.” Hank remarked as Connor made his way to the passenger’s side of the car, “Ready to head back to the house?” “Yeah, my dog has apparently missed me.” Connor joked as he got into the old beat up car. “Your dog?” Hank said with mock offense as he started the car, “You’ve only spent one weekend with him.”

“It was love at first sight Hank, I’m telling you.” He laughed and Hank joined him as he pulled out of the parking lot. “You let him onto the couch didn’t you?” Hank said with mock accusation to his voice. “How dare you suggest such a thing.” Connor replied placing a hand over his heart like he had been personally offended, “I obeyed all of the rules.” “Which is exactly why my massive fucking Saint Bernard has decided to become a four legged tripping hazard every time I set foot in my kitchen.” Hank pressed with a slight smile. “So I might have fed him a little.” Connor admitted and Hank quirked a brow, “At each meal.” Hank shook his head and chuckled, “Only you would give in.” “I’m weak okay?” Connor laughed. Connor found himself in a good mood again. It seemed easy for Hank, both to notice when he was caught in his own head as well as get him out of it. A crack of a joke or a simple conversation and Connor felt fine again. He knew why, it was because he liked Hank. He had fallen for the first man to show him kindness as he always did. He had plans to keep it to himself though. Hank had enough going on without having to pry one of his former students off of himself. Instead Connor would treasure the days like this and the times he would get to see Hank at the cafe.

“You’re pulling away from me again.” Hank said as he pulled himself into the driveway, “Is the exam really bothering you that much?” “Ah, no. I was just thinking.” Connor replied. It wasn’t quite a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth. Hank eyed him skeptically, but didn’t push it much to Connor’s relief. “I’m here if you want to share, but for now we should probably head inside before Sumo breaks the door down.” Connor laughed and opened his door, “That’s a good plan.” When they got closer to the door Connor could hear Sumo’s excited barking from inside. Connor found himself smiling as Hank opened the door. “Get back you big lug. He can’t pet you if he can’t get into the fucking house.” Hank gruffed and Connor heard the effort that went into moving Sumo away from the door. Connor barely set foot in the house when he was knocked back against the door by an overly excited Sumo, “Hey buddy, I told you I would be back soon.” He said as he pet Sumo who’s head was nearly level with his own given that Sumo was standing on his hind legs. He licked a wet stripe up Connor’s face and he laughed, “Yes, I missed you too, I promise.”

“Sumo, get down.” Hank said firmly, and Sumo hesitated for a moment before he obeyed. Connor straightened his clothes out of habit and then stepped out of his shoes. Sumo didn’t let him get too far out of his sight and Connor pet him near constantly. “I have never seen him so excited to see someone again.” Hank said as they settled onto the couch, “Normally he sticks to me like glue, this feels almost like betrayal.” Sumo was sitting in front of the couch with his front paws and head in Connor’s lap. He smiled at Hank, “I suppose its because he knows who the softer touch is.” “That’s a word for it.” Hank laughed, “So are we going to try and catch up on House today?” “I don’t know how far we’re going to get since you said you have plans for later.” Connor replied as he reached out to pet Sumo. “We have plans for later, this is part of your surprise.” Hank said as the show started up. Connor knew better than to object and settled in as the show started up. Hank liked House for the mystery aspect and Connor liked it for the blatant medical fantasy. It was a show that they both genuinely enjoyed and enjoyed making fun of. Connor found himself laughing unexpectedly at some of Hank’s more sarcastic comments. It was more given the combination of wit and timing than finding them genuinely funny. It was a nice way to unwind as take his mind off of things. Hank was always a pleasant distraction.

A couple of hours in Hank brought two bottles of light beer over to the coffee table. Connor reached for his and took a drink and winced at the taste. He wasn’t much of a drinker usually but he always had one beer when he was with Hank. Once he got past the taste and the alcohol hit it was relaxing. It was just a matter of getting over the taste. “I forget that you don’t drink often. I could get you something different if you would like.” Hank offered as he sat down and Connor leaned forward so Hank could get comfortable before Connor leaned back against him again. “I can handle one beer Hank, I’m not that weak.” Connor said in protest despite the disgust lingering in his voice, “I just have to get used to the taste again.” Hank put his arm up over the back of the couch and hit play again, “Next time I’m out I’ll grab some wine coolers for you.” “Thanks.” Connor said as they show started up. They got another four episodes in before Hank’s phone began to ring playing a metal song Connor hadn’t heard before. He jumped and wound up setting his beer bottle down with more force than he intended to as Hank swore under his breath and scrambled to shut off the music.

“Sorry about that.” Hank said once it was quiet, “I had that set in case I fell asleep. Its time to head out so we don’t miss our reservation. Do you mind feeding Sumo while I get ready.” “Of course.” Connor said as he stood up, “Come on Sumo, its dinner time.” He coaxed the Saint Bernard into the kitchen to get him his dinner. He put him through a couple of tricks before he set the dish on the floor so he could eat. With that done he picked up the living room, threw away the beer bottles, and folded the blankets they had been under. Hank came down the hall in one of his usual loud button downs and black jeans. His hair was tied back and he had his glasses on again. Connor was not ready for that sight and swallowed thickly. What a time to have a fucking crush he supposed. “You ready to head out Con?” Hank asked. Connor swallowed again and tried to figured out how to speak, “Uh, yeah, I’m ready.” He said after a long moment. “Alright, then let’s head on out.” Hank said gesturing toward the door. Connor nodded again and made his way toward the door, put his shoes back on and reached for his jacket. Hank did the same then opened the door for Connor and they headed for the car.

Hank played jazz as they drove back into the city. They made small talk on the way but Hank didn’t seem all that inclined to tell Connor where they were going. It didn’t matter how Connor phrased the question, Hank would just give him that half smile that melted his resolve a little more and tell him that it was a surprise then change the subject. To be frank, Connor’s curiosity was killing him slowly. Connor opened his mouth to ask him again, but Hank beat him to it, “If I told you then it wouldn’t be a surprise. That, and we’re almost there, just be patient.” “Hank.” He groaned and the man in mention only laughed. “You’ll like it, I promise.” He assured before he changed the subject again, “How has work been?” “Its been alright, not as busy as it is when classes are in session.” Connor responded, “We’re going to be training another new girl starting next week.” Hank nodded as he pulled into a parking garage, “Because Josh is going to start his student teaching right?” “Yup.” Connor replied as he looked around trying to get an idea of where they were, “I may have to cut back on my hours as well depending on how the nursing program treats me.” “I’m sure you’ll do fine.” Hank said as he pulled into a parking place, “We’re here.”

“Are you anymore inclined to tell me what are doing?” Connor asked again. “No, but I am willing to tell you that it’s my treat.” Hank replied, “I don’t want a repeat of the last time we got coffee.” “I ask for the bill one time and you never let it go.” Connor grumbled with mock annoyance, “I was trying to be a gentleman.” “It was greatly appreciated, but this time its my turn Connor.” Hank said as he opened his door. “Thank you Hank.” Connor said as he got out as well. They walked side by side to the bank of elevators and Connor tried to guess what they were going to do. Hank had mentioned reservations so he had to assume that dinner or something similar was involved. A nice place probably considering as reservations were needed. The thought made Connor a little nervous, it seemed like a lot to do just for finishing his exams. He didn’t want to read too far into this because Hank wasn’t interested in him, but he couldn’t help but think that this felt almost like a date. Hank hit the call button, “You have a good memory, think that you can remember that we’re on the lavender level?” “Uh yeah.” Connor replied as he was pulled from his thoughts, “The lavender level, got it.” “I knew I was in good hands.” Hank said with another pleasant smile.

The elevator to the far right opened and they made their way toward it. Connor still didn’t know all of what was happening, but Hank seemed pretty excited and it was contagious and Connor found himself smiling as well. When the elevator opened on the street level they stepped out and Hank took his hand to lead him down the busy sidewalk. Connor knew it was so they wouldn’t get separated, but he still smiled and curled his fingers around Hank’s hand. He could pretend for now. They stopped at a restaurant with a name that Connor couldn’t pronounce, but it looked fancy. He hesitated at the door and Hank pulled him inside and gave him a reassuring smile. Once they were inside Hank let go of his hand and made his way to the podium. Connor looked down at his hand and then toward Hank’s back. He needed to get ahold of himself, being this emotional was unbecoming; he was better than this. “Alright Con, let’s go.” Hank’s voice broke through his thoughts. He gave a sharp nod and followed Hank and the waiter back into the restaurant. Even the atmosphere of this place seemed expensive and he felt nervous and out of place. Hank took his hand again and squeezed it. They were brought to a booth along the far wall. Hank took one side and Connor took the other. The waiter handed them their menus and excused himself.

“You look uncomfortable Connor.” Hank said once the waiter was gone. “I’ve never been somewhere this nice, its probably expensive Hank.” Connor said quietly. He felt like if he spoke too loudly everyone in the restaurant would hear him. Hank only chuckled, “Of course its a nice place. You only graduate so many times.” He said, “I wanted to celebrate. I should have checked, I’m sorry.” “Its alright Hank, I was just surprised.” Connor said and Hank rolled his eyes, “Well okay, that wasn’t the right word, I wasn’t expecting this. I thought it might be a movie or something.” “Go big or go home.” Hank laughed, “Sorry if its too much.” “Its fine, I just needed a moment to adjust.” Connor admitted, “I’m alright now.” The conversation fell away as they looked over their menus. When the waiter came back Connor ordered a drink that Silas said was good and would help him relax. It was alcoholic which caused Hank to raise an eyebrow and he ordered a Coke for himself. “I didn’t think you would order another drink after the beer this afternoon.” Hank said with a teasing smile. “You said go big or go home right?” Connor replied, “I’ll only be having the one anyway I’ve been wanting to try it.”

They ordered their food when the waiter came back with their drinks. Connor went for something cheap since his drink had been a little pricey. Hank had given him a look but didn’t say anything about it. They’d had that talk before, but old habits died hard. They talked more over dinner, plans for after he finished school, potential books, and so on. Connor felt his drink hit him about halfway through dinner and had he been a smarter man he probably would have stopped, but he was twenty-seven and didn’t have anything to lose. Dinner ended with him considerably less sober than he would have liked. He felt a bit like he was floating and when he stood his balance was practically shot. When he pitched forward Hank was quick to catch him. He pulled Connor to his chest and Connor found himself smiling. This was nice. Hank chuckled and Connor felt the sound rather than heard it, “You really are a light weight aren’t you? You’ll just spit your thoughts right out.” It took Connor a long moment to realize that he had in fact voiced his thoughts. “Sorry.” He said as he straightened up. He waited for the restaurant to stop spinning before he took a tentative step away from Hank. He kept an arm around Connor’s waist, not a tight hold but enough to keep him from losing his balance again.

The walk back to the car was an adventure. Connor knew where they were parked, but his internal compass was not in the best shape and he kept getting turned around. Hank didn’t seem to mind. They finally got back to the correct garage and into the elevator. “Do you remember where we parked or did your drink take that from you too?” Hank asked with a teasing lilt to his voice. “We’re on lavender.” Connor replied and stumbled over his words, “My drink didn’t take anything from me.” Hank moved his hand from the small of Connor’s back to take his hand as the other one hit the button for the lavender level. Even in his intoxicated state, or perhaps because of it, Connor was hyper aware of the point where they were connected like it was a grounding point. He looked over at Hank and took in his form. He was attractive. Greying blonde hair and comforting blue eyes. He was tall and broad and Connor liked that about him. Then there was his personality, the rough exterior with vibrant kindness just beneath. This was a first for Connor; liking someone rather than just the idea of being with them. It was hurt because he was certain that Hank didn’t feel the same. The hand holding and hugs aside Hank didn’t seem to be interested in having Connor as anything more than a friend. He was fine with that of course, dating a former student would probably be awkward.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a hand on his cheek. “Hey, come back to me Connor.” Hank’s voice was gentle but laced with concern. Connor came back to himself a little confused by the wetness on his cheeks, “Sorry.” “Lesson learned, too much alcohol puts you at the mercy of your thoughts.” Hank responded as he stepped out of the elevator. “Apparently.” Connor said with a wet laugh as he followed Hank into the parking garage. If he was chasing those touches again that was his own business. Hank took his hand again on the ride home and rubbed his thumb along the back of Connor’s hand. Connor’s heart cracked a little in his chest because he didn’t think that Hank knew what this was doing to him. It was intended to be comfort because he had been crying in the elevator. It was a painful act of kindness. He was slowly starting to understand Silas’s view on love. This shit fucking hurt. “What’s eating at you?” Hank asked as they pulled into the parking lot of Connor’s apartment complex, “You’ve looked miserable the entire ride back, tonight was supposed to be nice. If its something I did can you please tell me?” Connor flinched and tightened his grip on Hank’s hand, “Could we maybe talk about this inside because I don’t want to be alone right now.”

He watched the concern on Hank’s face deepen as he turned the car off, “Of course. Let’s go.” Connor felt guilty for asking this of him, but Hank had asked what was wrong and Connor wasn’t ready to say all that in a place that wasn’t his. Especially if Hank was going to get upset he wanted to be in a place he was comfortable. If he was going to be rejected he wanted it to be on his terms. Yet he still hesitated when he got out of the car. Hank had never been up to Connor’s apartment. He’d only ever dropped him off. It was easy to blame their schedules when classes had been in session, but the reality of it had been that Connor was nervous about having Hank in his space. He was keenly aware of the irony of this now, but he couldn’t lie to Hank, not after tonight. Not when it had felt so close to something that was entirely unreachable to Connor all because Hank had once been his professor. He hated it and needed to set the record straight. If only so Connor’s heart would stop reaching for something his mind understood that he couldn’t have, not yet if ever. It was after hours so he had to use his code to get into the building. He held the door open for Hank and they walked to the elevators together. Connor could almost pretend that he wasn’t about to mess up a really good thing just because alcohol was making him overly aware of his emotions.

Even though he only lived four floors up, the elevator ride felt like it took hours instead of a few minutes. The silence between them was tense and almost uncomfortable. He nearly reached out for Hank and felt a deep sharp pain when it looked like Hank almost did the same. He opened the door to his apartment and held the door open for Hank. He cleared his throat in an attempt to gather his words, “Um, make yourself at home.” Connor made his way to the kitchen to start on coffee, it was an old habit from growing up. Hank settled onto one of the bar stools, “Its a little late for coffee don’t you think Con?” “Don’t worry, its decaf.” He replied, “I wouldn’t do that to you. I mean, I know you will probably be up late anyway, but I don’t want something I did to be the reason why.” “Connor relax.” Hank said gently, “I don’t know what’s bothering you, but I promise I won’t be upset. But I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.” Connor smiled bitterly as he handed Hank the first mug of coffee, “Please don’t make promises that you can’t keep.” One look at Hank’s shocked expression had Connor sighing quietly, “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for.” “Did I do something wrong tonight Connor?” Hank asked as he held his mug of coffee with both hands as though he was trying to absorb its warmth. “You’ve been acting odd since the restaurant and I don’t believe all of it can be blamed on the alcohol.”

Connor nearly dropped the coffee pot as he was pouring a mug for himself. So much for having a handle on his emotions, that or Hank was better at reading him than he had thought. He took the time to finish pouring his mug before he answered. “Yes and no.” He said vaguely as he leaned against the counter mimicking the way Hank was holding his mug, “I know its not much of an answer.” He received an answering scoff from Hank and he continued, “But I think its more of how I interpret the things you do than the things you actually do.” “I don’t understand.” Hank replied. Connor sighed out his frustration and gripped his mug tighter, “I find myself particularly attached to you and I find that I tend to project those feelings onto the actions you take. I know that you don’t feel the same and having alcohol tonight was a bad plan because it blurred the lines I drew and it hurt; because tonight almost felt like you loved me too.” He wasn’t looking at Hank because he didn’t have the strength to. Which is why he missed Hank get up until he saw his large shadow fall over the counter. “Who’s to say that I don’t Connor?” “Don’t” Connor said harshly as he slammed his mug down on the counter, “Don’t do this to me. Either you do or you don’t. Please don’t make me question myself anymore than I already am.”

Hank flinched away from him at his outburst before he set his own mug down much more gently. He placed his hands on Connor’s shoulders and turned him to face him. His blue eyes were intense and the most emotional Connor had ever seen them. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you question yourself.” He said gently, “I thought I was clear in my feelings; but to use your words, I find myself particularly attached to you as well.” Connor’s heart felt like it was going to burst from his chest as well as stop, “You aren’t just saying this to appease me because I’m a little drunk, right?” “As much as I believe that this should wait until you’re sober; I wouldn’t do that to you.” He replied, “I’m being honest Connor.” Connor was moving before he could think too much about it. He leaned up onto his toes and pressed his lips to Hank’s. After a small eternity, Hank returned it pressing closer to Connor. Hank tasted strongly of coffee and Connor lanced his fingers in Hank’s hair when he tried to pull away. Hank put enough space between them to speak even when Connor tried to chase the kiss. “As much as I would love to continue, this is something better for left for when you’re sober.” Hank said against his lips. “Will you stay the night?” Connor pressed. “Only if you promise to behave.” Hank replied.

“I cross my heart.” Connor said with a soft smile. Connor moved to pour out the coffee and heard they key taps of Hank’s keyboard as he did who knows what on his phone. Connor was on cloud nine and couldn’t find it in himself to ask. He set the mugs in the sink, they could be an issue for future Connor. Right now he was more concerned with finding out if Hank’s chest was as comfortable as it looked.

#A Cup of Something Better #CSB #Hankcon #dbh hank #dbh Connor #dbh fic #dbh

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ratsoh-writes · 3 years

Note

✨howdy!✨

alrighty, let's do this.

i would say i'm pretty chill, that is ofc, when you get to know me. i wouldn't say i'm rude to strangers, but i no doubt come off as either mean, bratty, or intimating if you happen to glace over at whatever me and my friends are doing without context. i'm a high-key shit disturber, and usually spend my time doing whatever i want, whenever i want. human lives are short y'know? gotta complete that bucket list sooner or later. i love bullshit banter with my friends, most people who watch us have a perfectly civil discussion probably think we hate eachother. i do have a love/hate relationship with cringe content and weird fanfiction.

i adore horror games and movies, especially the stupid ones that make no sense and have horrible editing. i have an iron stomach when it comes to food servings, and DESPISE when people waste food. it isn't a deal breaker, i'm cool with finishing plates at restaurants because other people can't. just don't intentionally throw out half a burger infront of me. i'm basically a human trashcan. y'know those awful food combo's kids make at lunch? like banana bits, mayonnaise, mustard and milk? yeah i used to eat those as a kid for money.

i'm one of those dumbasses who will refuse a dare but can't say no to a triple dog dare. y'know, like an idiot.

i'm not picky and wouldn't mind being matched with one of your non-skele characters.

flaws:

a total dumbass i trust to easily and get hurt by it.

hypocritical, i constantly nag my friends to take care of themselves while forgetting to do the same.

memory, i have shit memory, (half genetics half accident) and can't remember a lot of things, like names upon first meetings. possibly even second or third. i could get jumped and wouldn't be able to tell their faces later.

. . .

strengths:

the place i grew up wasn't too friendly, but that means I'm rather tough, emotional and physically! i learned to be protective of my friends and those who can't defend themselves. though most of your boys could most definitely take me in a fight. i usually have an arm or something on my friends shoulder or leaned up against them in public simply because it makes me feel as if they need me. although this has put me on edge, so no sudden grabbing or i'll punch you on reflex.

cooking, though i'm no gordan ramsey. i can make rather decent warm meals that serve their purpose. i'm house person material. (most of my money comes from commissions.)

optimism, though i am quite realistic, i can't help but assume the world means good, i just grew up in the wrong place. i always give people second chances and genuinely want the best for everyone in fights. which is both good and bad.

. . .

hobbies:

anything! i'm always down to do whatever my friends are doing though i do have a passion for art and writing. currently working on a game and think it would be neat to stay up with my S/O if they have a lot of work and keep them company while working on the game and commissions.

physical description:

quite tall if i do say so, still around 5'9, 5'10ish. blonde messy hair. my blue eyes have dulled in color over the years and look rather grey. i have bags (which pisses me off because i get like 17 hours of sleep, the day night cycle means nothing to me). a bit on the chubby side, but not by much. my legs are probably my most attractive feature, very long. i also got large thighs. thick thighs save lives fellas.

lover qualities:

my love language is physical touch. both with S/O's and friends. i would be down to pick my S/O and carry them around for no other reason than 'hehe small' i don't have any dealbreakers. i don't mind being the shorter or taller one. i adore listening to people rant about anything and everything they enjoy. please rant to me about science stuff i'm too dumb to understand you look adorable doing it. expect me to drop by your workplace to bring you a lunch and hugs. and if it's the mafia's my answer remains the same. i've been lucky enough to survive a lot of "how did i even get here" situations. if my S/O is also a shit disturber expect a lot of night time shit disturbing. classic romantic scene of me throwing them over my shoulder to escape horribly executed ideas. i would prefer for my S/O's family/friends to like me so that's something i will most definitely work on when i figure out i have a crush. asking them out would probably be a love letter and muffins left at their door.

✨

Ok! You can fit quite a few guys, but I think the best match here is……….SLIM (mafiaswap papyrus)!

Slim is a certified babysitter. He’s the most likely ally when it comes to wrangling in cash and bruiser. Your dumb-*serum stands no chance against his logic and supreme cover up skills lol

Another thing that he would live about you is how you have a thick skin and aren’t afraid to stand up for your friends. Strength is something all the mafias admire, but slim especially. He wants a SO that will go up to the cashier and tell them he ordered no pickles. In return, slim will take out anyone who tries messing with you ;)

You’re gonna be pretty shocked at just how much of an attention hog he is after dating. Slim can be pretty clingy and will happily go along with whatever crazy plans you come up with if it means spending time with you

Hun, you can pick him up anytime. He’ll absolutely love being slung over your shoulder. Even if his brothers tease him for it.

Something he appreciates a lot is you staying up with him while he works. Due to his night owl hours, sometimes his work days are pretty lonely.

Two other choices were butch and bruiser.

#mafiaswap #matchups

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traumatized-motherfuckers · 3 years

Text

Friendship Dissolutions; A Lesson in Asshole Trauma Reactions

So this is normally my school day, but I’m feeling the need to dig into something else this morning. The past events of this weekend, annnnd the past nearly two years. Because, if you hadn’t heard, relationships are hard and I like to embarrass myself by telling you about all my fuck ups.

You know, romantic relationships are a disaster for yours truly, but I always thought I was pretty good at the friendship thing. Since high school I’ve almost always had robust friendly relationships - both in depth and breadth. With the exception of a few difficult points in my life since 16, my phone has never been quiet, my weekends have only been isolating when I’ve been isolating myself, and I’ve always felt like I had humans on my side who were closer to kin than my actual family.

The thing is, there have been periods when this hasn’t been the case. I want to say that it’s generally when I’m in my worst mental health downfalls, but I don’t think that’s universally true. There have been variable reasons for separating myself from other people, or vice versa. Sometimes getting too busy, sometimes naturally growing apart, sometimes getting too obsessed with a romantic partner.

But, taking a more analytical view, underlying my lost friendship events, trauma has often been one of the influences that corrupted my friendships and left me lonely, even if it doesn’t seem like it at face value. The thing is, the trail of breadcrumbs might go back 20 years or so. I might not have been in a full-blown trauma state at the time, but those early life non-learnings about relationships have left their mark. So, yes, I do believe that CPTSD is the prerequisite for interpersonal disruptions and we’re not alone in that.

Anyways, in this Fucker’s life, for the past almost 2 years I’ve been in one of those friendship lulls. I’ve had casual friends, roommates, work-associates, distant relationships, some of those hey-how’s-it-going-every-two-months relations. But I haven’t had those deep, rich, all-encompassing friendships that used to define my existence. The ones that used to make me feel safe enough to have an existence, at all.

It’s all because I lost my core group of friends, I didn’t understand and couldn’t fix the problem, and I had no idea how to move forward.

And this last time when I lost everyone I loved, it was definitely due to trauma. Acute, historical, and recovering trauma, to be specific. It was a horrible period of my life, I was a human wrecking ball, and I had no emotional control… because, partially thanks to said friends, I never had to develop those skills.

Basically, I’ve been on my own since a whole series of mental health related isolation events and relationships dissolutions that have persisted since - I want to say 2019 - but to be more holistic, the ship started sailing earlier than that. Like, when I was born.

This has all come to mind more than usual because, this weekend? I had a strange rush of humans back into my life. For the first time in a long time, I saw my best, closest, most important old friends, who were closer to siblings…. In our natural habitat, with our normal friendship routines, with hundreds of memories from the past decade flying around the room.

And today… or, realistically, since I tried to go to sleep after seeing them each day this weekend… I have the relationship reckoning to deal with. The emotional and cognitive processing of everything that’s happened. The lost years. The sense of abandonment. The feeling of being cast out of a family. The inkling that everyone was talking about me. The realization that I was acting a fool, and maybe they should be talking about me. The sense that all parties were partially responsible, but I was the one to blame. The voice in my head that has called me a crazy, miserable, unlovable mess the entire time I debated this at 6am and 6pm and 3am for the past several years.

And now, in the aftermath, I have to work through the dynamic cocktail of feelings, the sense of waiting for the other shoe, and the big decision - are these relationships that I feel secure pursuing again?

And I don’t think I’m alone in this one.

So, today I thought it would be good to talk about this. The history of losing my favorite people on the planet, how I perceived it at the time, how I see my own trauma-actions fucking shit up in hindsight, how I’ve forgiven myself for being such a wild one, and… well… my hesitancy to have close friendships with humans who hurt me in the past. The ways I realized that being separate was beneficial to my mental health and life progress. The self-sabotaging enablement patterns that I now recognize, ran deep, in our old group of friends. The fear that being around them again will let my trauma brain run away with me.

Woo - it’s a whole personal relationship reckoning over here. Let’s just do this, so I can get to my school work at some point soon.

History

So let me set up this situation. You need the background details, of which, there are many dramatic twists and turns.

Be me, Spring of 2019. My romantic relationship with my ex in Atlanta - the musical narcissist that I followed to the city - is going terribly. Since we moved things have been rocky, but now our relationship has been pumped full of disappointment, unfair expectations, emotional codependency, resentment, horrific fighting, and abuse of all colors. Every day is a battle. We’re rarely ever “happy” together. We’re closer to enemies than friends. And we live under the same roof - the one his parents bought for him, outright in cash - to make matters even more fun.

Other than him, I’m alone in this city. I work at the brewery, where no one really likes me. I have one friend from work, but little time to interact thanks to the demanding schedule of my ex with his gigs and out-of-state child visitation.

Financially, my savings have been depleted by floating my significant other’s horrible decisions for the past 2 years. We can never get ahead. He never pays me back for anything. I’m basically in his pocket, as far as needing resources to survive.

As you can imagine, and as I’ve described previously, my mental health is in THE SHITTER. Maybe worse than it’s ever been, although this is hard to judge against some of my earlier years in my 20’s. I’m definitely ramped up in an aggressive and defensive trauma state more than ever before, thanks to living with my aggressor every day. I feel like I’m surviving against the will of my partner, who seems to legitimately be doing his best to drive me into an early grave every single time the sun rises. He’s moved into the territory of intentionally triggering me for hours on end, upsetting me to the point of mental breakdowns, and then gaslighting me for “acting so crazy.” Things have become dangerous, I have no one to turn to, and no cash to get myself into a better situation… not that I know what a better situation even looks like.

But one day, I left. Packed my two bags, went to work, wound up at that single sort-of-friend’s house, never went back home.

And that’s when the real nightmare started. I mean, my ex was a terror over time as we lived together, but a narcissist scorned is a narcissist determined to ruin your fucking life. He harassed me daily via text, phone call, FB messenger, email, stalkings… whatever you can think of. When I blocked him on everything, he started trying to leverage our therapists against me until they refused to interact anymore. He wouldn’t let me into his house to get my stuff. He tried to have me arrested for attempting to do so, after he made arrangements with me to move that weekend. He suddenly refused to even acknowledge that he owed me a dime, and found a way to tally up venmo transactions to show that I actually owed him. He took my only support - our dog, who was really my dog - away and wouldn’t let me see him. Later, he reported my car stolen, so I had to purchase a new one without warning.

The list goes on and on. Just, assume every pathetic, cruel, desperate attempt at getting under someone’s skin and reminding them that they had the audacity to leave you. That’s what was going on in my world.

Meanwhile, with those financial and social pressures I mentioned earlier. No close friends in the area, no spare cash, an unstable job where I was on the chopping block for the reason of “the CEO didn’t like my personality,” nowhere to live, no idea where to go next or how to start a whole new life.

Annnnnd this is right about when my closely knit friend group back in Illinois sort of, well, dipped.

My bestest, best, most treasured friend in my lifetime had always been there for me. But now, she wasn’t. We had exchanged a handful of phone calls over the past month in the aftermath of this relationship ending, but she had been pretty detached from it. I wasn’t offended, because she had certainly heard enough of the drama in real time… of course she was tired of hearing about it... but I was feeling especially alone and incapable of handling everything on my own, so the distance was difficult, nevertheless. Then, one day she told me that I was being too much for her. I had too high of expectations. It had been bothering her for a while. She needed me to understand and give her some space.

And this was the completely avoidable beginning of the end of my friendships. Let’s talk about why.

How I perceived it

So, I’m pretty sure you can guess how I took this challenging message from my best friend. Uh, poorly. I was so shocked that in my darkest hour, my comrade would feel like my problems were out of her paygrade. It felt like a stab to the heart and straight down through the gut. Here I was, completely alone and isolated, reaching back to my most trusted companions for a lifeline to keep my head above water, and… nothing. She didn’t want to reel me back into the boat.

I responded with some shitty messages about how I really wasn’t asking that much from her and I didn’t appreciate being blindsided by her sudden decision to get rid of me. I had only taken up a few phone calls to talk things through based on her schedule. I had visited her one weekend as I went to a job interview nearby. I had asked her to come visit me soon, so I could feel less alone for a few days. I didn’t think it was fair that she was responding this way. I couldn’t believe she would turn her back on me at this particular moment.

And so, the rift developed. We stopped speaking. I started sobbing. I was absolutely beside myself, as if I hadn’t already been. This wasn’t what I wanted, at all, but I also felt like I had no control in it.

.......

Like it? Well I’m too lazy to post the whole thing here. Check t-mfrs.com for the full blog AND the podcast recorded version. Yawelcome.

www.t-mfrs.com

(Traumatized Motherfuckers)

#cptsd #cptsd problems #actually CPTSD #cptsdsurvivor #just cptsd things #Complex Trauma #complexptsd #complextrauma #complextraumarecovery #healingcomplextrauma

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delimeful · 5 years

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how easy you are to need (3)

warnings: miscommunication, panic, death mention, virgils negative thinking and completely wrong assumptions

For the next few days, Virgil drifted in and out of consciousness.

His body needed rest badly, especially when it was so injured, but fear wouldn’t let him forget where he was, keeping an iron grip on his mind. He was restless, waking periodically to check his surroundings, make sure they hadn’t grown tired of his stubbornness enough to cage him yet.

For the first day, he only saw Roman and Logan for brief spurts of time, but upon the next morning, Patton had returned to his spot on the plush armchair with no explanation. It was as though he had never been held hostage at all, and whenever he caught Virgil’s gaze on him- and he somehow always caught him- he would offer the shifter a bright smile, one he could see no lie in.

He never responded, but Patton didn’t seem to take offense. He generally didn’t, Virgil recalled from his nights under the floorboards, but he certainly hadn’t thought the courtesy of forgiveness would be extended to him.

That was the strangest part, the casual acceptance, and the most difficult to figure out. The three of them would eat their meals in the living space, settled onto the floor or the chairs around the couch, conversation as easy as if there wasn’t a monster laid out three feet away from them. He was their fourth mute roommate, watching them with narrowed eyes when they weren’t looking and ignoring all subtle and not-so-subtle attempts to draw him into conversation.

It was hard. He’d spent ages wondering what it would be like to be up there with them, human and safe and pack. It was just an impossible dream, but sitting here, in the room with them, made something in him yearn to reach out, let himself be tricked into false comforts. He struggled to repress it, because, well. If he was going to die, he might as well take advantage of their pitying kindness, right?

Still, he managed. A kernel of bitterness was shored up in his throat, a reminder of what was to come, a reminder that this was as cruel a death as any. Maybe crueler than letting him die from his wounds. At least that would have been quick and easy. He was pretty sure the humans weren’t being intentionally cruel. They couldn’t have known how attached he’d gotten, how badly it would hurt to be faced with their larger-than-life presence directly and still know how the story would end. Still know that they were trying to catch him off guard, make him shift so they could kill him and take his pelt.

No matter how many times he told himself that it was for the best, that he understood why they were doing it, that he was a risk to their safety, that kernel of bitterness remained lodged there, a sound like the smallest voice wishing things were different. It wasn’t fair, but neither was life. So it went.

With that dreary mindset driving him deeper into hopelessness, it was no wonder he’d caved when he did.

It was Patton that ultimately got him, which he could have predicted. He woke up as soon as his mind registered something moving around him, and instinctively snarled, flashing his teeth (still considerably sharp in human form) and jolting upright to take in his surroundings.

The soft human was frozen in surprise, the edges of a knitted blanket in his hands. It had already been on his lap when he started drifting off earlier in the night, so it seemed Patton had simply been trying to pull it up to cover more of him. Virgil recoiled back into himself immediately, scanning the dark room for other humans with regret swelling in his throat. Stupid, stupid, he knew better than to snap at one of them, he was going to get himself tortured-

“I’m so sorry!” Patton whispered, mindful of the quiet atmosphere around them. Virgil stopped short, confused, and watched as the human flapped his hands around like errant moths, always stopping short of touching him. “I didn’t mean to wake you up, I should have thought before I- Oh gee, I’m sorry, kiddo.”

“What?” Virgil said hoarsely, too-loud in the stillness of the night. And then, before his mind could catch up- “Why aren’t you scared of me?”

Patton initially looked delighted at his voice, but then he registered the words and his hands dropped slightly, an uncertain look crossing his face. “Afraid of you? Kiddo-”

“I’m not a child.” Virgil snapped, voice low but distinctly laced with a defensive growl. “I threatened your life a couple of days ago. You shouldn’t be… treating me like this.” Like a houseguest, like someone he cared about.

“Mr. Wolf.” Patton said seriously. “You saved my life just a few days ago, don’t you remember? If it weren’t for you, I’d have come away with much worse than a scratch. It wouldn’t be beary nice of me to treat you badly, now would it?”

Virgil blinked, thrown. “Was- was that a pun?”

Patton grinned, all soft edges and rounded teeth, and his hands flitted over to Virgil’s side. The shifter tensed, but all that happened was those hands tucking the blanket back against him gently and retreating as swift as they came. The human gave him a thumbs up, and when he simply stared back, bewildered, Patton whispered a ‘good night’ before vanishing from the room as well.

The complete lack of fear from the man was astounding. First Logan, now Patton as well? Was he losing his edge or something? Did they somehow not realize that he was a dangerous monster?

He was left alone with his racing thoughts, and by the time morning light broke through the window, he believed he had figured it out.

The kindness, the care, the lack of blood or skin harvesting- it wasn’t a trick to lower his guard. It was a form of gratitude for saving one of their small pack. The humans couldn’t afford to let him live, but they didn’t want to leave such a life debt unpaid, either. Making his last few weeks comfortable was as close to a compromise as they could manage.

The bitter kernel softened slightly, the ache in his chest soothed by the hope that he’d get a taste of real pack living after all. It wouldn’t all be fake. He could let himself accept this.

His concession felt worth it when he got to see Roman’s face, dumbstruck as he finally began to shoot back the nicknames he’d been building a repertoire of all this time. Patton didn’t mention their late night encounter, but he did slip him a sugar cookie. It was sweet and soft in his mouth.

They took his sudden willingness to speak to them in stride, and before long they were laying it on thick, asking his thoughts and opinions on all sorts of things. He was still quiet most of the time, fatigue draining his energy, but they didn’t seem to mind. There was a space for him in their conversations, one he hadn’t noticed before.

Naturally, it was in one of these comfortable conversations that he slipped up.

It was a conversation about the stars, one where they made a game of remembering which hero went to each tale. Logan was banned, of course, from doing anything but offering obscure hints, since he was the one who told the stories in the first place.

Roman and Patton went back and forth, racing to remember this or that name, until Logan described a specific myth that had them both stumped. They were bringing up and discarding all sorts of options, and Virgil felt a stirring of familiarity, the tip of his tongue poking out of his mouth as he focused on just recalling…

“Andromeda.” Virgil muttered to himself, pleased that he’d managed to remember the name of one of his favorite constellations.

“That’s correct.” Logan said, and he looked up, startled to find the three humans looking at him. “I didn’t know you pursued knowledge about the stars.”

“Dark and Gloomy, you could have been playing properly this whole time?” Roman cried, aghast.

“I don’t- it was just a coincidence. I don’t know anything about stars.” Virgil hurried to correct them, and then followed it up with, “I just overheard Logan mention it. Coincidence.”

The humans all went still for a moment, like a hunter spotting prey, and Virgil felt the first stirrings of panic in his chest as Logan adjusted his glasses. “Falsehood. I have not had time to regale anyone with the mythology behind the Greek constellations since the bear attack. I assume you heard me outdoors at some point prior to that, then?”

Virgil gave his guilt away by stiffening up, teeth clenching and adrenaline coursing through him, but his racing thoughts were promptly interrupted by Logan turning his head to Roman, smug. “Pay up.”

Roman groaned loudly, and Virgil snapped his head to the side to watch as he forked over a handful of cash. “Huh?”

“Sorry, Mr. Wolf.” Patton said, sheepish as he passed over his own currency. “We’ve sort of been maybe trying to figure you out a little, and Logan put his money on you hanging around us for a while before the bear incident…”

That… hadn’t been what he’d expected. “What… What did Roman bet on?”

“I completely reasonably guessed that you were the bear’s destined rival, and you were so sulky for the first few days because you desperately wanted to get back to your passionate battle of broken bonds!” Roman defended with wide gestures for emphasis.

“I’d never seen that bear before in my life.” A startled laugh escaped him without his input, and Roman flushed pink. “Hey!”

Virgil turned to Patton, raising an eyebrow in silent question.

“My guardian angel!” Patton informed him brightly, then paused. “Or, guardian wolf, I guess? Either way, the point is you were heaven-sent in my time of need!”

“Uh… not likely.” Now Virgil was the one blushing, and Roman snorted with laughter at his expense. Logan stood, drawing attention to himself.

“My theory was based on significant circumstantial evidence, including the markings you left near our cabin, the familiarity you have shown with us and our… peculiarities, as well as Patton and Roman’s feelings of being watched.”

Virgil winced at that last one. Guess he wasn’t as subtle as he’d thought. Roman complained about ‘not sharing vital evidence with the rest of the class’ and Logan steadfastly ignored him.

“Whatever your reasoning,” Logan continued, “I wish to thank you properly for saving Patton, and helping us. You didn’t have to and it came at... a great cost to you.”

The other two humans quieted, looking to him with their strange expressions. Pity? Gratitude? Expectation? He couldn’t make it out, especially not as flustered as he was at that moment. What was he supposed to say to a heartfelt thank-you like that? ‘Totally, no problem’? Of course it had been a problem, Patton could have died and also now he was stuck here till he was killed. The silence was dragging on too long, shit, just say something-

“Yeah… sure.” He finally choked out, eyes darting anywhere but their faces.

They shared small smiles with each other, returning to their game without mocking him or being irritated with his inability to behave normally. He felt a swell of that heart-squeezing affection again, and before he could talk himself out of it, he spoke.

“Virgil.”

They all looked over, and Roman spoke first, a little confused. “I’m pretty sure this one is Gemini, J.Delightful.”

“No- I’m Virgil.” He averted his gaze as Patton’s eyes grew round as saucers. “I know all your names, so it only seems fair…”

“It’s lovely to finally meet you, Virgil.” Logan said, and the other two took the opportunity to add their own greetings, trying his name out on their tongues with glee.

It was the first time he’d ever shared his name with a human.

Somehow, he couldn’t find it in himself to regret it.

#sanders sides #ts virgil #werewolf au #ts patton #ts logan #ts roman #heyatn #how easy you are to need #my god this one took a lot out of me #not completely happy with it but i hope you enjoy #next chapter we finally beat virgils ass for being dumb. looking forward to it #writing #my writing #werewolf #hes soft.

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it-gave-me-life · 4 years

Text

The Wind is a Running Man

Pretty much just angst. Kinda an au? This is my first fic so please be nice. Idk why the format is so wack. I don’t know anything about crime stuff so just take it with a grain of salt.

Word count: no idea. Long

Description: A kinda modern look at Zuko’s childhood and the events that lead up to his eventual escape.

Blink and you’ll miss it Maiko

WARNINGS: graphic depictions of child abuse and implied character death.

The thunder was loud. Too loud. It almost covered up the screaming match between his father and mother. Zuko couldn't quite make out what they were saying, but it didn't sound good.

“Zuzu can I sleep with you?” He looked over at his sister who was holding her blanket and stuffed animal at the frame of his doorway. She looked so small and scared. Nothing like her usual demeanor. “Sure, Zula.” She climbed up his enormous bed and hid away in his arms. “Do you think Mom will be okay? Will dad hurt her?” Zuko looked over at her. She had tears trailing down her eyes. “Everything will be okay. Mom is strong and can hold her own.” Her bottom lip wobbled as she looked up at him. “Do you think he will hurt us?” She trailed the line of stitches that traveled down his shoulder. A wound his father had given to him just last week. He held her tight. “I won't let anything happen to you. No matter what happens, I’ll always be right here.”

In the early dawn Zuko woke up to their mother humming and stroking his hair. “Good morning my love.” He looked up at her to see her golden eyes shining with unshed tears. He scanned her over to see any blossoming bruises, but to his relief, he didn't see any.

”I need to show you something.” She led him down the corridors, through the kitchen, into the library, and off to a side door, he didn't even know existed. Inside was a forest of plants from sunflowers to nightshade. He knew his mother loved plants, for she taught him extensively on them, but he had never known about any of this.

”Zuko, I need you to listen to me.” He looked up at her to see a worried frown written over her face. ”Soon I will not be here to protect you. You will need to do it yourself.” She broke off an Aloe Vera leaf, some leaves of lemon balm, and lavender. She put her ingredients in a stone mortar and ground it with a pestle until it was a green puree. ”This is how I make our healing balm. You can apply it to cuts, burns, bruises, or scars.”

She walked over to the other side of the greenhouse. They stopped at a plant that had wrapped itself around the wooden table's legs. At the opening of the leaves were tiny red berries. Zuko knew exactly what this one was: Abrus precatorius. Also known as Rosary Peas. It could kill a human within days if ingested. It mimicked liver failure and was untraceable. His mother had taught him that much.

She reached behind her hair and unclasped her locket. Plucking a rosary pea she placed it inside of the metal heart that held a picture of her mother and father. ”There will come a time when you will need to use this.” She placed the locket in his open palm. ”Cut open the seed, then squeeze it into a cup of tea. Add lemon juice to slow the poison so you can make your escape undetected.”

She ran her fingers through his hair. “Most importantly, you will need to cover your tracks. Get rid of any evidence.” Zuko looked up at his mother. He had never seen this side of her. Her gentle nature hid a warrior like strength. It reminded him of something she once said, “That’s what moms are like. If you hurt their babies, they're going to bite you back!”

Their Mom vanished the next night and so did the plants. A day and a half later their grandfather died peacefully in his sleep. Zuko found a note addressed to him and Azula telling them how much she loved them. She said everything she had ever done was for them. As hurt as Zuko was, he couldn't find it in him to be angry at her. She did what she had to do. And now, she was free.

After that, Azula was sent to a boarding school where she would be taught to be ruthless and cunning just like their father. Zuko on the other hand was locked away in the estate. He was not allowed to even go outside without a guard present. Sometimes he was granted visits from his uncle if he had an especially good week with his tutors, but that was before he left the company to work for a tea shop in Ba Sing Se. At first, Zuko did his best to gain his father’s love and acceptance. He tried to become just like him. Even after four broken bones, fifty-two stitches, and countless scars littered over his body, he still wanted to please him. But things changed two months ago. His father had some of his council members over for dinner. When they started talking business Zuko saw this as his chance to earn his father's love. He exclaimed that one of their idea would never work. That it was wrong and immoral and would leave thousands to die. He looked over at his father for some kind of approval, but all he saw was rage.

When the council members left, all wrath that had been stored in Ozai towards his son was released. He grabbed Zuko by the collar and held one side of his face in the roaring fire-place. “Please, father. I only had your best interest at heart!” The boy cried. “You will learn respect and suffering will be your teacher.” No matter how much Zuko screamed and cried Ozai would not relent until the boy fell limp in his grasp. The night ended with a thirteen year old boy bloodied and burned laying on the floor completely motionless.

Three weeks later Zuko woke up with a bandage covering half of his face. At first, he couldn't quite remember what had happened to him. He slipped out of his bed and placed himself in front of the mirror. He peeled back the bandage to reveal a hideous burn stretching from his left eye to his shriveled ear. Flashes of flames licking his face and a firm grasp around his neck came flooding in his memories. He choked a sob. Reaching in his dresser drawer he grabbed the salve his mother taught him to make and carefully applied it to the wound. He winced as the cool ointment touched his face. Covering the burn back up, Zuko looked over at the locket his mother had given him so many years ago. He thought of what she had told him, “There will come a time when you will need to use this.”

His mother had unbound herself and joined the freedom of the wind. Perhaps it was time he let go of his burdens too.

A month later, he had his affairs in order. A plan that would have made even his mother proud. Tonight there would be a party at the estate. Every important person in the city would be attending. Zuko looked out his bedroom window to see the limousines pulling up to the residence. He remembered what his father had told him, “Say nothing and stay out of sight.” He could hear the band and the chattering of people as they walked in. He looked to see Mai getting out of the car. Her hair in the usual half up half down style with a red dress and lip. She looked breathtaking as usual. He waited in his room until he heard the voices die down. After he was positive everyone had left, he made his way down stairs. He had intentionally been avoiding any staff member from the estate for weeks now, he couldn't blow it just as he was reaching the finish line. He needed to make sure there would be no suspicious activity before they draw the conclusion of a death with natural causes.

He made his way to the kitchen and prepared a cup of tea. He chose Jasmine and let it steep into the pot until ready to serve. Picking up a cup for himself and his father, he remembered what his mother had told him, “Cut open the seed, then squeeze it into a cup of tea. Add lemon juice to slow the poison so you can make your escape undetected.” He watched as each drop hit the bottom of the cup, then added a bit of lemon to the brew.

He slipped into the dining room where he knew his father would be seated. “How did the gala go?” Zuko looked over at his father, emotionless and stone faced as usual. “It was fine.” Ozai huffed without even looking up from his documents. Zuko poured him a cup of tea and placed it in front of him. “Tomorrow is the three year anniversary of your mother’s disappearance. Were you aware of that, Zuko?” He simply nodded. “Your mother was always so weak. She never fought back, never even so much as put up a fight. But when it came to protecting you, her true colors came out. She was merciless, fierce, and dangerous. You are so much like her.” He looked over at him, eyes dancing menacingly with fire. “Sometimes I wonder, just what are you capable of, Zuko?” Ozai lifted up the cup and took his first sip.

Zuko thoroughly washed out the tea set and placed it exactly where he had found it. He raced upstairs and set his items in his pack. A water satchel, his dao swords, a couple changes of clothing, a brick of tea, a locket, the special salve, and ten-thousand dollars in cash he had saved for a rainy day. Tonight was quite literally that rainy day. He put on his black clothing, and as stealthily as he had practiced, snuck down the halls, stopping at Azula’s abandoned room. “In a couple of months, when this is all over, I will come back for her.” He mentally told himself. He made sure to miss every security camera and every window. When he was out of sight, he ran through the rain, mud flinging every which way. He practically flew into the pickup stop for the bus. His heart was beating a mile a minute as he realized perhaps the bus would not come tonight. What was he to do then? Walk? Hitchhike? Just as he was about to leave, a big green and yellow bus skidded to a stop. The bus driver opened the doors and looked down at him, “You taking the bus to Ba Sing Se?” Zuko tried to keep his voice from shaking, “Yes, sir.” The man waved him forward. He walked in the almost full bus and took a seat at an open spot in the back. He looked around, wondering what kind of interesting strangers were on this midnight bus ride. He spotted two water-tribe siblings, a boy with blue tattoos all down his arms and legs even stretching to his forehead, a woman whose face had been painted red and white, and a blind girl who looked like she hadn't bathed for weeks.

He watched as they laughed at some joke the watertribe boy had told. He rested his head against the bus window, wondering if their paths would ever cross.

When he woke, they had made it to the city. He grabbed his pack from under the seat and scurried through the aisle. Zuko hopped off the bus hoping to get away from the smelly strangers as fast as possible. He grabbed the railings of the inner wall and scanned all of the buildings wondering how he would ever find Uncle. Even with the treacherous road ahead, he couldn't help but feel giddy.

Zuko looked up at the city skyline. He closed his eyes and let a smile wash over his face. Finally, he was free.

#fanfic #avatar: tla #zuko fanfic #prince zuko #alta aang #i have no idea what i'm doing with my life #this is crap

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hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger · 4 years

Text

The problem with the Amazing Mary Jane

I’m willing to be corrected on this because due to a lot of real life factors I’ve not read beyond issue #2 and only skimmed a bit from issue #4. In fact I WANT to be wrong on this subject but I have to have my say.

I don’t want to hurt anyone’s enjoyment of the book but I am also not going to just let problems slide when I see them.

The foundation of the AMJ book is inherently a non-starter and relies upon Mary Jane being out of character.

There is A LOT I can dive into on the first 2 issues alone regarding this, and I planned to, but as things are in my life the possibility of doing a deep dive are not likely so I’m getting this off my chest here and now.

It boils down to MJ going along with Mysterio, staying on set, not telling the authorities and/or Peter, believing in his redemption and how she’s helping get him that redemption.

MJ is a bad ass, no question. But so is Spider-Man, and Spider-Man has limits, he knows them and (unless his judgment is clouded for a big reason) he knows better than to take stupid risks unless there is a really good reason that extends towards immediately averting threats and dangers to innocent people.

Case in point Spidey wouldn’t just pick fight with Galactus unless he had a really good reason.

In this series MJ is directly endangering herself by being surrounded by criminals and super powered villains along with a known murder like Mysterio, who has proven himself to be an outright public menace as well. Mere months prior to AMJ #1 he intentionally caused mass panic in New York city by faking an alien invasion. He’s done that before and in fact does so again in AMJ #2 when he throws a tantrum. MJ calming him down doesn’t excuse the fact that he potentially did cause harm (physical or mental) before she reined him in and is extremely likely to do so again, particularly when you consider she can’t spend her life babysitting him.

MJ is allowing Mysterio, a seriously dangerous and awful guy*, walk free after he’s escaped from custody, hasn’t served his term or earned parole, has committed more recent crimes that she knows about and is actively committing identity theft and potentially ruining an innocent man’s career and reputation. ** Even if he winds up not ruining it it’s a huge violation of Cage McKnight’s personhood. Hypothetically if the movie MJ and Beck are working on pans out great and McKnight wins accolades and rakes in the cash that doesn’t mean he approves of or ever wanted his name or work associated with that project. And that’s the best case scenario, if the movie tanks or there is a scandal then his career will be seriously damaged.

At best Mary Jane in being complicit in Beck’s movie/crimes (and legally that is exactly what she is doing) is in effect prioritizing her career opportunities and the hypothetical redemption of several criminals (many of whom are still active criminals, check AMJ #1) as well as the redemption of an awful human being like Mysterio over the career and personhood of an innocent man.***

At worst she is prioritizing that stuff over the safety of innocent civilians, herself and harm that mgith be caused to the loved ones of any potential victims. Mysterio isn’t Carnage, but he is not a good person at all and very dangerous. Even if he sincerely wishes to reform, MJ has no moral right to decide he (and the other criminals on set who’ve not been legally freed) should be allowed to find redemption outside of a controlled environment. He isn’t even like Sandman or Boomerang, criminals who at least actually risked their lives to save another person’s and thus more concretely showed active signs of redemption. All Mysterio has done (unless I’m mistaken) is essentially make a movie about himself (can you spell ego) and broken several laws and ethical lines to do it, whilst doing the same to give employment to other criminals. There isn’t any kind of legal oversight to this, there is literally one, non-super powered and semi-martial arts trained woman keeping this in check and that’s all if the super villains don’t just decide to screw the rules as they often do.

Not to mention, surely Mary Jane would have cause to question Beck’s sincerity. She’s smart, a great read of people, has super human social skills. But she’s been fooled before (remember the Aunt May actress? How about her drug addicted fellow model who lied about not needing a fix?) and Mysterio’s entire gimmick revolves around deceiving people. I highly doubt MJ would feel the guy deserves redemption (Aunt May is an incredibly forgiving person and far more patient than MJ, and she didn’t forgive the Vulture for accidentally killing her fiancé, Mysterio has done almost as aweful things to MJ’s loved ones). But even if she did it’s beyond out of character she’d go about helping him get it like this. It’s jut so contrived and badly written.

Now I want to be clear about all this.

This isn’t me saying Leah Williams is exactly a bad Mary Jane writer.

Because as bullshit as the foundation and context of this series is Williams nails a lot of who MJ is within that context.

Put it to you like this.

It’s unbelievable that MJ would allow Mysterio to continue to impersonate Cage McKnight. But hypothetically if she did, her rebranding him and playing peace keeper when they seek out funding is exactly how she’s act. So Williams gets MJ like 85% but that last 15% makes everything else fall apart.

It’s not even that this direction can’t make sense. It’s that MJ’s justifications for going in this direction don’t add up at all.

*He literally drugged, sexually violated, then later killed a teenage girl…and then tried to kill her baby….twice….in a story directly referenced in AMJ #1….and Nick Spencer’s run which set up this series…which was also one of the single most famous Mysterio AND most famous Daredevil stories ever…all of which Mary Jane KNOWS about because she was in that story!

**Let’s for the sake of argument say MJ doesn’t necesarilly know the details of Beck’s criminal record. Between basic Google skills and contacts within the super hero community (like with Iron Man) wouldn’t she be able to check that stuff and see Beck has clearly not been released legally and also has not been falsely charged with anything?

***Bear in mind, MJ’s partner/husband/best friend/guy she lived with for years was framed MULTIPLE times in and out of costume (sometimes by Mysterio himself) and had his identity stolen from him in the Clone Saga. So she has full knowledge of how awful and harmful being the victim of an imposter/identity theft can be. It’s not a small crime whatsoever just because it’s not as bad as murder, which Beck is also guilty of on multiple counts.

Oh and he also faked Aunt May’s death and convinced her partner and her beloved Aunt Anna she was really dead. Like holy shit that’s twisted, even more twisted than the multiple times he’s tried to convince her romantic partner his sanity is in question.

#Amazing Mary Jane #mjwatsonedit #Mary Jane Watson #Mary Jane Watson Parker #Spider-Man #Mysterio #quinten beck #MJ Watson

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heksenhaus · 4 years

Text

on the economics of disability.

let me be as clear as possible, now:

the current rhode island minimum wage, in 2020, is $10.50/hour (which, were i working full time, would amount to $1680/month, which, as most of you will point out, isn't anything near a living wage in these times when many states are in the process of moving to a $15/hour wage [which is still not nearly enough.])

my disability benefits are $920/month (which comes out to $5.75/hour as a an hourly wage or just over half the minimum wage [and just over one third of the minimum wage that many states are moving to.)

along with that cash benefit, most of my healthcare costs are taken care of through medicare and my state's medicaid program (however! the latter pays my medicare premium and is entirely based on income so it's always tenuous and neither pays for the over the counter meds that i need to sustain myself.)

now, in order to retain my state benefits i can never have a total of $2000 in any combination of cash, bank accounts, or personal assetts (so, in order to actually receive proper healthcare and not die in a ditch, i am forced to remain in poverty and am not allowed the luxury of saving up for things like car repairs/insurance, simple vacations, or even emergency contingencies. i am allowed to own a car and a house but not allowed to buy one and, in theory, if the state really wanted to be an asshole they could deny my benefits because i own books, records, and other personal possessions that would value more than $2000 if bought new.)

so, as you can imagine, it remains a struggle to simply stay above water, especially when things like travel are brought into play as i live in a rural area with no access to public transportation and the cheapest car insurance available to me is about $500 every six months (and even though i am still able to have a living situation where i am not forced to pay a level of rent that far surpasses anything like the minimum wage but that's incredibly tenuous as both of my parents [why i live with and have been taking care of] age into an eventual death where i will, most likely, find myself homeless due to the fact that public housing in this country is generally impossible to acquire without spending years on a waiting list [all of which are closed to new submissions] and are also generally really poor in quality.])

all of this has made it clear that i am part of the american institution of the forced underclass- people who are intentionally kept in crippling poverty which allows the working class to see itself as 'productive' compared to us and an ownership class that exploits workers, in part by using this forced underclass as a cautionary tale.

we're seen as parasites, as layabouts, as 'lazy,' rather than as meaningful contributors to culture and society and our best efforts to better our lives are bested by legislation and increased policing.

we are kept on the edge of death as a warning to workers- 'work hard or become the dregs, like us. enrich the rich or be punished, like us.'

but we are not parasites.

the wealthy are by keeping both us and the workers under their heels, tantalising us with the occasional glimpse of the gold plated pigshit of aspiration and that lie of a notion that, if we just work 'hard enough,' we can all overcome whatever obstacles there are (while the rich continue to shore up those obstacles.)

...

in the past few decades, since first receiving disability benefits, i have been able to build some semblance of a life.

i have and have had good friends, good partners.

i have grown a decent career as an artist, critic and philosopher.

i have been able to participate in and work with communities both local and scattered across the globe.

i know exactly what good things i've been able to build without needing the toxic myth of 'luck' to guide me.

but none of it will keep me alive when the lights go out and i find myself alone.

and none of it helps me to take care of myself in the way that so many americans (even those in poverty) are able to do.

and, frankly, that is unacceptable.

(thank you for taking the time to read this and i hope you'll take something of value away from this. and please consider contributing to my patreon as every single dollar really does help a great deal in regards to things like feeding my cats and being able to afford even meager supplies to continue my work as an artist.)

email:

[email protected]

patreon:

https://www.patreon.com/heksenhaus

bandcamp: heksenhaus.bandcamp.com

snailmail: s.j. bagley

p.o. box 2842

providence, ri

02906

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gamerwoo · 5 years

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Yixing: Side Job (Part 3)

Characters: Yixing x female reader

Genre/warnings: camboy au, barista au, fluff, a little bit of crack, smut (nothing too special, it’s pretty vanilla tbh)

Word count: 4,409

Summary: Your go-to to get off is your favorite camboy who goes by the name of Lay. Physically, he’s perfect, and everything he says leaves you breathless and wanting him to keep talking until you’re coming undone in front of your laptop. However, you notice that the new barista hired at the cafe down the street has a voice that sounds familiar…

a/n: this is the final part of side job just so there isn’t confusion because some people weren’t sure how many parts it was going to be. it’s three parts and this is the third aka final one okay carry on dsfjkhds

Part 1 | Part 2

Were you crazy? Yes. But were you stupid? Also yes.

Your body moved on autopilot as you walked into the cafe like Yixing told you to the night before at your apartment. You couldn’t actually believe you were going to go face him again -- especially after that awkward conversation on your side -- but something deep down compelled you to go. Maybe it was because this was the camboy that was your dream guy -- physically and sexually, anyway. Maybe it was because he ended up being funnier and kinder than you expected. Maybe it was just because you were crazy and stupid.

The cafe was busier than it was when you were usually there, but you also never showed up in the mornings. That was typical rush hour, but you’d thankfully caught the end of it. Only about five people were in line ahead of you, and it seemed like things were starting to slow down. You didn’t know if that was good or bad because on one hand, there were less people to embarrass yourself in front of. On the other, it meant Yixing would be less busy, therefore, could talk to you longer.

You were too caught up in your worrying over your crisis that you didn’t even notice it was your turn to order until it was too late.

“Hey!” Yixing’s voice made you snap out of your trance and look up to meet his eyes. He was smiling at you before he let out a little huff like he was impressed. “I’m surprised you actually came. You seemed terrified even when I left yesterday.”

You shrugged, “I’m still trying to figure out if I’m going insane or not.”

He chuckled at your honesty -- though he probably thought you were kidding -- before he placed one hand on the computer in front of him, “What can I get you?”

“Uh, j-just a regular coffee,” you told him.

He scoffed, rolling his eyes, “C’mon, what’s the thing you usually get? Wait, don’t answer, I remember from yesterday.”

“Why are you doing this?” you wondered quietly.

“Doing what?” he asked as he punched in your order before waving the fee.

“Buying me a coffee and being nice and using your friend’s friend to find me?”

Yixing paused, looking up at you as he chewed nonchalantly on the inside of his cheek. He stared at you for a little bit without saying anything, and you thought he was just going to ignore your question.

“Hold that thought,” he told you before he turned to go make your drink.

You let out a soft sigh as you went to go wait by the counter for your order. You figured watching Yixing make your drink would be a little weird so you opted for looking at your phone instead. So you didn’t see how Yixing left your drink on the counter by the back room before he disappeared behind the doors. It wasn’t until you felt somebody tap your shoulder that you looked up.

Yixing didn’t have his apron on anymore, and he was holding your drink in one hand with his dimpled smile.

“I decided to take my break now, so...you wanna go sit outside instead?” he offered.

“Sure,” you nodded slowly, unsure of what exactly was about to happen.

You followed Yixing out of the cafe anyway, thanking him when he held the door open for you. The two of you took a seat at one of the tables that was sitting under an umbrella.

“Okay, so,” he began, seeming a little nervous -- which seemed out of character for him in the short time you’ve ‘known’ him, “about your question... So, I originally just wanted to find you because you recognized me. I’ve never shown my face on stream so I was kind of curious about you but I also just like...felt kinda famous. I don’t know... But then after talking to you, I thought you were pretty cute, so I just kind of opted for flirting -- aka offering you a coffee.”

You almost choked on the very coffee he offered to buy you, “F-flirting?”

“Y’know, for somebody who managed to recognize me, you don’t keep up too well,” he joked with a small laugh. “How did you recognize me anyway?”

You tried to shove the flirting thing at the back of your mind -- unsuccessfully -- to answer his question, “Well, uh...your voice sounded kind of familiar, and... Okay, this is going to sound lame but I’d recognize a smile like yours anywhere.”

Yixing let out a giggle that showed off that beautiful smile in question, “See, now you’re flirting with me!”

“Not intentionally!” you said defensively, holding your hands up before you realized how bad that sounded. “Wait, not like I wouldn’t flirt with you because I would because you are really sweet and attractive and stuff. Wait, but that sounds--”

“I get it,” he nodded with a laugh. The was he was smiling at you had your stomach doing flips, his eyes looking like tiny crescent moons. “How are you so easily flustered?”

How could you explain to him that it was because he was the most perfect being you’d ever laid eyes on without sounding creepy?

Instead of replying because you couldn’t come up with a reason, you just shrugged.

Yixing turned a little more serious, studying you as he quietly asked, “Its not because I’m a camboy, is it?”

“No,” you were quick to reassure him, shaking your head. “Trust me, that doesn’t bother me at all.”

The corners of his mouth started to tug up a little, “Really?”

“I mean...yeah it’s kind of flustering knowing I’ve seen you...y’know. But...other than that...” you trailed off with a shrug.

His next words had your heart stopping then and there, and wondering if you required a hearing aid of some sort.

“Do you wanna go on a date tonight?”

The blank look he saw on your face as you blinked at him, eyes full of confusion had him laughing again, his dimpled smile not helping you restart your heart at all.

“I-- ...Why?” you stammered.

“I know it’s kind of sudden but like,” he ran a hand through his dark hair before sighing -- not a sad sigh but a happy sigh, “it’s so hard finding people who don’t mind my line of work -- let alone people who are incredibly adorable and don’t mind it.”

“Wait...seriously?”

He nodded slowly, “There’s a surprising amount of people who don’t want to get involved with a camboy. They see it as cheating and being unfaithful and disloyal.”

Your eyebrows furrowed, staring down at the table as you considered this. If you were to date Yixing -- God, what a weird sentence -- would you feel like he was cheating by being a camboy? Would it come off like he would be any less unfaithful to you just because of something he did on the side for extra cash? Would you feel like he’d love or care for you any less?

You took in a deep breath and said, “Yes.”

He cocked his head to one side, “Yes?”

You nodded, “Yes, I’ll go on a date with you tonight.”

Yixing was beaming, “Really?”

“On one condition.”

“Name it!”

“Please stop making me so flustered.”

He chuckled, standing up to get back to work, “You do that on your own. Anything makes you blush -- but that works in my favor.”

Since Yixing was aware of where you lived, he picked you up at your house. His car was surprisingly nice considering you assumed his full-time job was as a barista, but you didn’t mention it. You just thanked him when he opened the passenger door for you.

Yixing decided to go for the classic dinner date. It wasn’t anything super fancy, but it was definitely better than fast food or some cheap chain restaurant. You liked it.

After the two of you were seated and ordered your drinks, you both looked over the menu while trying to strike up small talk.

“So, what is it that you do for work, _____?” Yixing wondered as he scanned the menu.

“Just an office job,” you shrugged. “Definitely not as aesthetic as being a barista at a nice cafe.”

Yixing lowered his menu enough to look at you, chuckling, “Wait, you think being a barista is my job?”

Suddenly, you were questioning your whole existence. Was Yixing...not a barista? Had you imagined everything up until now? Was this all a dream or were you truly going crazy?

“Did... Was I just seeing shit this whole time?” you wondered, genuine concern on your face.

Yixing laughed, shaking his head, “You’re actually so adorable. _____, that’s just a part-time job. You know what my main job is.”

Now you were just dumbfounded, your jaw dropping at you gawked at him, “You make that much money from...?”

He nodded with a shrug, “I actually didn’t even need to get a side job but I got kinda bored sitting around at home.”

“So what do you do on your days off?”

“Any errands and chores that need to be done, and then when that’s taken care of, I’m either streaming, sleeping, or hanging out with Junmyeon and stuff. Basically, I have a lot of free time.”

You scoffed, “I work 5 days a week and then hang out with Jongin most nights. I wish I had a schedule like you.”

“You could just do what I do,” he shrugged, the words coming out nonchalantly as he looked back at his menu again.

You almost choked on your water, blinking at him, “I-- W-what...?”

He glanced up at you, amusement all over his face, “What?”

“Y-you think... M-me...?”

He could see how pink your cheeks were turning and decided to save you the embarrassment -- for now, “I can explain more about all that in the car. For now, what looks good to you?”

‘You,’ was all you could think.

“Because...” Yixing continued, seeming like he was genuinely thinking his choices over, “I was thinking of getting the steak with a side of you.”

He looked up at you with his beautiful smile and a playful wink that you couldn’t help but giggle at as your face began to heat up even more than it had been. Yixing was even laughing at himself, rolling his eyes.

“God, that was so cheesy, I’m sorry. I just couldn’t resist.”

You realized that Yixing wasn’t just really, really hot, but he was absolutely adorable as well. And that was only further proven the longer the date went on. He was funny, sweet, intelligent, and a gentleman. Even after you were done with dinner, the two of you just sat there for twenty more minutes just talking with each other before you both realized you’d been there longer than you should’ve been.

On the ride home, though, Yixing brought up his previous comment.

“I meant what I said, by the way,” he said as he kept his eyes on the road. “Anybody could do what I do. If you’re nervous about your body, there are people who are into all kinds of body types. If you’re shy, well, everybody starts out somewhere. I was shy when I first started out, and some people were even really into the shy thing. It takes a bit to get a following and whatnot but the money can be insane.”

“I don’t know...” you replied tentatively, looking down at your lap. “It’s not really something I can see myself doing.”

“Are you interested at all?” he wondered.

You shrugged in reply, “It would definitely be less stressful than my current job. And I mean, it’s obviously...kinda fun.”

Yixing let out a little chuckle, “Yeah, that’s for sure. But yeah, if it’s something you’re interested in doing, why can’t you see yourself doing it? Just do it.”

“I’ll have to give it some more thought. There’s always the possibility of Jongin walking in on me or something. I can’t tell you how many times he’s burst into my apartment.”

“You gave him a key?”

“No, he made a copy of mine.”

He let out a laugh, shaking his head, “Sounds like my friends.”

“Seems like we have a lot in common,” you decided, considering how the date had gone, too.

Yixing glanced over at you, his eyes sparkling, “Seems like we do.”

Your back slammed against the wall, Yixing’s lips fervent on your own. His hands gripped your waist, bunching up your shirt and trying to get it up over your head, your arms already above your head but his lips just didn’t want to break from yours. So instead, his hands released the fabric and just trailed up your body and up your arms until his fingers intertwined with yours, continuing to hold your hands up against the wall.

This was your third date with Yixing, and you didn’t think that you would already end up here. You weren’t complaining, you just didn’t really expect you to end up in Yixing’s with him pinning you up against a wall. It started out innocent when Yixing asked if he could kiss you -- properly this time since he’d only kissed you on the cheek the first and second dates -- once you’d gotten back to his place where you’d left your car. But then he pulled back and smirked slightly, asking if you wanted to come in.

So here you were.

Yixing pulled away just enough to speak, already panting quietly, “I hope you know this is because I genuinely like you and not because I’m--”

“I know, Xing,” you softly reassured him.

“Good,” he smiled, his dimples showing up, “just wanted to make sure.”

While his lips were away from yours, he pulled your shirt off of your body before his mouth attacked yours again. His hands moved back down to your hips, pulling them closer into his as he experimentally ground his into yours to see how you’d react. When you let out a soft moan, he smirked to himself.

Truthfully, he loved seeing the affect he had on you. You blushed when he so much as looked in your direction, and he’d never met anybody that reacted to him like that. It was definitely something he could get used to.

“C’mon,” he mumbled against your lips before he was pulling away, taking your hand to lead you down the hall to the bedroom you’d seen so many times on his streams.

It was almost surreal being in Yixing’s room, but you also couldn’t focus on any of that right now -- thank god because now was really not the time you wanted to make a fool out of yourself again. He was tugging off his shirt as soon as he pulled you in and kicked the door closed, tossing it off to the side carelessly before he walked right up to you and cupped your cheeks, pressing his lips to yours once again. He backed you up as your mouths and tongues moved against each others until you were falling back on the bed with him going down with you.

As his lips trailed down to your neck and across your chest, he made quick work of getting the rest of your clothing off until you were just in your underwear. His fingers moved over your underwear, rubbing your clit slowly. You weren’t sure why but you were suddenly feeling incredibly shy, trying to use your hand to hide any moans that might slip out.

Yixing noticed how quiet you were, looking up from where his mouth had traveled down to your stomach. He saw your eyes closed and face contorted slightly in pleasure, but your hand was clamped over your mouth. He used his other hand to grab your wrist and gently pull your hand away, your eyes flying open to find his looking at you softly.

“It’s okay,” he cooed, “it’s just us. There’s no need for you to be shy. I want to hear your pretty moans, _____.”

His voice sounded like honey in your ear as his hand dipped into your underwear as he spoke. His fingers brushed over your clit as they made their way through your folds before one finger slid into your heat, causing you to bite your bottom lip.

“I bet you sound so pretty,” he continued, his lips by your ear. “Why are you so shy now?”

“Well...” you began, your voice cracking when it came out from nerves, so you cleared it quietly, “you’re...y-you, and I’ve seen you before but you’ve never seen me and it’s just... I don’t know...”

Yixing let go of your wrist, cupping your cheek and stroking your skin with his thumb, “You don’t have anything to be nervous or shy about. I know what I’m getting myself into when I decide to sleep with somebody. But if you ever get too uncomfortable, just tell me, okay? I’ll stop.”

You nodded, looking up into his eyes. Something about him had an extremely calming effect on you, even when he was fully clothed and you were completely naked except your underwear.

“Yixing?”

“Mhmm?”

“Could you...maybe...like, take off your clothes so I’m not so...”

Yixing chuckled, his eyes twinkling at how timid you still seemed, “Of course. Did you want to help me with that?”

You knew you were looking at Yixing like a deer in headlights. You getting to undress Yixing? That would be like getting to touch the Mona Lisa.

“Truthfully, I think my hands would shake too much,” you admitted with a sheepish laugh.

He let out a bright laugh as he sat up and began unbuttoning his shirt with ease, “Here, I’ll do the hard work and you can just do the easy part.”

He crawled off the bed as he continued to undo his shirt so he could kick off his black jeans and eve discarded his boxers like it was nothing. For some reason you felt like you had to look away, but the way Yixing stared at you in amusement as he took them off had you unable to look anywhere but at him. You’d seen him half-hard like this before, but seeing him like this in person was completely different somehow. It was like you couldn’t believe he was right in front of you.

“For somebody who watches me naked on stream all the time,” he began with a smirk, “you’re looking at me like you’ve never seen me before.”

"Why do you insist on teasing me like this?” you whined, staring up at the ceiling as you covered your blushing face.

The bed dipped beside you as Yixing pulled your hands away, grinning down at you, “Because you’re so easy to tease, and I love seeing how you react. Just me being near you makes you all blushy. It’s cute.”

Before you could reply, he leaned down and pressed his lips to yours. You resumed kissing each other like nothing had even happened, your arms going around Yixing’s neck as his tongue moved with yours. His hands started wandering again, one going back to where it was before in your underwear. You gasped softly into his mouth feeling his fingers near your entrance, and he smiled against your lips.

“Just relax,” he mumbled, “and whatever you do, don’t be quiet.”

But when his finger dipped inside you again, you found yourself trying to hold in any noise. You just couldn’t shake your nerves, even though you were already almost completely naked.

“Please,” he begged in a whisper as he nipped at your ear. “I wanna hear how beautiful you sound moaning my name.”

His words alone had a soft moan escaping, your cheeks immediately heating up. Yixing smirked in response, his lips traveling down your neck now.

“That’s a good girl,” he hummed. “You sound so beautiful, but I think you can be a little louder than that, can’t you?”

This thumb rubbed circles against your clit in time with the steady pace of his fingers. Your breathing hitched, and Yixing caught it, smiling against your skin as he continued to leave soft, open-mouthed kisses on your neck and chest. He started nipping and sucking, leaving a few light marks in an attempt to see what it would take to get you to make more noise.

He curled his fingers inside you, trying to find that spot. He felt you clench around his fingers and gasp, biting down on your bottom lip. He lifted his head and looked at you, an eyebrow cocked.

“There? Did that feel good?” he asked.

You nodded, "Y-yeah...”

He picked up the pace, his fingers thrusting into you faster as they continued to rub against the same spot. You couldn’t contain it anymore, your back arching off the bed.

“Oh god, Yixing,” you whimpered, your hands reaching down to grab his wrist.

He thought you were trying to stop him, but instead, you started rocking your hips on his fingers, craving more. Yixing bit his lip, trying to hold himself back from just ripping his fingers out of you and fucking you into his mattress. He would do that after you asked for it, but he wanted to hear the words come from your mouth.

Even though you were still holding his wrist, Yixing moved his hand faster, the sounds of your slick as his fingers thrust into you filling the room. You squirmed beneath him, grabbing anything your hands could reach as your eyes squeezed shut.

“Fuck, Yixing, I--” you cut off, not even knowing where your sentence was going.

“What is it?” he pressed, his voice like velvet.

“Fuck me,” you blurted, still at the mercy of his fingers. “P-please fuck me already. I need you.”

He groaned softly at your words, removing his fingers and cleaning them off teasingly slow. When you opened your eyes to see what was taking so long, you found him staring right at you with his fingers slowly coming out of his mouth. You blushed harder, covering your eyes with your arms.

“Come on, you’ve already tortured me enough,” you whined.

“You’re right,” he chuckled as he sat up and reached for a condom in the drawer of his nightstand. He ripped off the packaging and slid the condom on before he aligned his tip with your entrance. When he spoke again, his voice was low and sent a shiver down your spine. “Let me give you your reward, then.”

Your hands flew to his shoulders feeling him slowly push into you. You gave them a squeeze as you felt him stretch you out, but it didn’t hurt, it felt good. Feeling full of him was, as weird as it might’ve been to admit right now, something you only ever imagined while watching his streams. But it was so much better than you’d ever imagined.

His hips moved slowly when you told him you were okay, his hands squeezing your hips before they crept up your sides. His then moved down your arms until they found your hands, lacing your fingers together and moving your hands above your head. He leaned down to kiss you as his hips moved steadily, his kiss devouring your soft mewls.

“Faster,” you begged in a whisper.

Yixing smiled against your lips, “You’re getting more confident.”

As you asked, his thrusts became faster and a little harsher, causing your hips to buck up into his with a moan of his name. He let out a low moan in response, letting his teeth graze against the skin of your shoulder.

His hips gradually picked up their pace until you were both panting and moaning loud enough for Yixing’s neighbors to probably hear. Your nails dragged down the skin of his back as your legs squeezed his hips. You were clinging to him like your life depended on it, his name coming out in the form of loud whimpers, warning him that you were close.

His fingers had been toying with your clit, trying to bring you to your release faster. He lifted his head to study your expression, loving the way it contorted in pleasure and how you had trouble keeping your eyes open to look at him.

When he felt you clench around him, his moan came out higher in pitch, and he watched as your mouth dropped open in a cry of profanities mixed in with his name. Your eyes squeezed shut, unable to keep them open as pleasure washed over you so hard that you were just repeating Yixing’s name over and over again because it was all you could think of.

Yixing came soon after, twitching inside you before he released into the condom. His moans were higher and breathier when he came, riding out his high until you were softly whimpering from the overstimulation of him inside you. He laid on top of you for a moment to catch his breath before slowly sliding out of you and going to dispose of the condom, promising he’d be right back. When he did return, he had a damp cloth and two bottles of water in his hands, cleaning you up before insisting you drink some of the water.

“I haven’t gotten to do this part in a while,” he said with an amused expression, though there was a hint of sadness in his tone that made you frown slightly. He noticed as he got in bed beside you, leaning over to kiss your cheek. “It’s fine. I can do it with you now, right?”

“Right,” you nodded with a smile, letting your head rest against his shoulder.

“Did you wanna take a shower and get a little more cleaned up?” he wondered, one hand reaching over to run through your hair.

You let out a tiny yawn as you shook your head, “Nah, I can do that in the morning.”

Yixing smiled softly to himself, happy to be able to fall asleep next to somebody with them in his arms for once. He was so used to having sex and them just leaving, or them using him for sex since he was a camboy. Finally, he had somebody who just wanted to be with him and didn’t care what he did to make money.

He rolled onto his side and wrapped his arms around you, his lips meeting your temple, “Sounds good to me.”

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