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hellmry · 4 years

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What do you think of this whole "ppl shipping SessRin are basically supporting paedophilia” on tumblr? I've seen lots of japapense fans on twitter and they're all basically happy for the huge possibility of having Rin as Sesshomaru's wife and the mother of Towa and Setsuna, and then I go to tumblr and see all these SessRin bashing, saying that their bond should have kept platonic, the "real" sesshomaru will not behave romantically with Rin, etc. Idk what to think? :/ What are your thoughts?

oh goody, this is going to be a long one.

it’s so ridiculous 🙄 I’ve seen this “paedophilia” argument so many times and it’s triggering how they misuse this term so much. Especially as a law student (pet peeve: people misusing technical terms and making very serious (false) accusations).

Paedophilia tends to be the umbrella term for everything with a big age gap or when one party of the couple knew the other party as a child, which shows how uneducated they are with their try hard activism. Paedophilia is a psychiatric disorder, when an adult is primary or exclusively sexually attracted to prepubescent children.

No one in their right mind ships Sesshomaru with Rin while she was still a kid, I’ve yet to see someone who actively ships them in a romantic setting with her still being a kid. All the shippers I’ve come across and fanworks made, are her being a young adult or adult.

The other term they’re throwing around is “grooming”, while thinking it means he groomed her into his wife, which is also false and a misuse of the term. Grooming happens, when an adult is befriending and establishing an emotional connection with a child in order to lower the child’s inhibitions with the object of sexual abuse. Sessh didn’t approach her with any sexual intentions in mind, he tolerated her following him out of pity, which turned into being her protector after a while. As I see it, Jaken was more of a father figure for her than Sessh was. He ignored her most of the times, just watching over her and made sure she was safe (i mean, like a dog...a guard dog). And he certainly didn’t “groom” her into being his wife, that dude did not show any signs of romantic interest while she was a child. Heck, he was pretty stoic most of the times.

The fact, that people who saw Sessh as a father figure for Rin exist, is actually our strongest argument against their paedophilia accusation. They wouldn’t have been able to perceive their relationship as such in the first place, if there were ANY romantic advances or signs while she was a child. Wanna see and read about a real pedophile story/relationship? Go read Lolita by Vladimir Nobakov, it’s disturbing.

Another form of grooming happens, when someone is manipulated until they’re isolated, dependent and more vulnerable to exploitation (can also happen with adults). Though it was only a filler episode, in episode 162 (Forever with Lord Sesshomaru), Sessh even gave her the free choice to either stay with humans or follow him (with his trademark line “do as you please”). In the Manga she was staying with Kaede in the end. And she was friends with Kohaku. She mostly fended for herself (with Jaken), foraging for food in the wild or secretly on farms. Rin was certainly not isolated or dependent. I’m not even digging into the exploitation point, because there is nothing to say.

I admit, they way SessRin developed is not completely unproblematic and the biggest factor is, that he met her while she was still a child. I can agree with that, but most SessRin shippers do not ship them because he knew her as a child, but because she was the first one who he cared for. If you break it down, it’s pretty much the cold-emotionless-bad boy-falls-for-a-girl-after-being-shown-kindness-for-the-first-time trope. SessRin shippers would’ve also shipped them if Rin was the same age as Kagome the first time they’ve met. Rin being a child when they met is not the base of this ship, it’s their relationship and how she broke through Sessh’s walls and that she was the first (human) being he ever cared for. She was also the reason Sessh slowly began to accept Tenseiga as his sword.

People who are saying Sessh went out of character and should’ve stayed on platonic terms with Rin, clearly have no idea about storytelling and character development. Sessh is a dog demon. Inuyasha is a dog demon. Inu no Taisho was a dog demon. Rin is a human, Kikyo was a human, Kagome is a human, Izayoi was a human. Basically, dogs love humans and create very strong bonds with them. Even staying loyal when their owner mistreats or abuses them. The whole series builds up on this dog-human dynamic. Basically every romantic interest involving a dog demon ended up being a dog-human pair. What’s not clicking?

I also find it quite funny, how some of those people can also ship Kagome and Inuyasha while preaching their (false) paedophilia speech in the same sentence. Kagome was 15 when she met 200 year old Inuyasha. 15. That’s a teenager. I’m 26 and when I see 15 year olds, they look like toddlers to me. I don’t see anyone advocating for Kagome’s minor rights. The whole world flipped when Drake was dating a 18 year old but the fandom is still pretty silent about the fact, that Kagome was also 18 when she was married to 203 y/o Inuyasha in the epilogue. InuKag and SessKag shippers don’t get the same criticism as SessRin shippers, even though Kagome is also still a minor and that’s where you see the hypocrisy.

They can ship her because her design looks older and it’s easier to forget that she’s 15/18. Usagi from Sailor Moon was 14 when she met and began a romantic relationship with Mamoru, who was 17. Even though both are considered minors, 14 is a lot different than 17 but nobody bat an eye for that either. Probably it’s because Usagi doesn’t look like a 14 year old. Kagome doesn’t look like a 15 year old. But Rin looks her age, she looks like an 8 year old when they first met, evoking a different perception in people of being a minor, the age gap and her vulnerability. That’s the only reason I can think of, why people are fine with InuKag, SessKag, KogaKag and whatever, even though it’s essentially almost the same setting as with SessRin. Rin is a minor, Kagome is a minor, they both are protected by their stronger and much older demon travel partners. And its hypocritical to try and argue a difference because grooming and abuse of an 8 year old is such as horrific as of an 15 year old. If one of them is a victim, then both are.

I’m not trying to shit on InuKag or other Kagome ships btw., I love Kagome and InuKag, I’m just trying to show the hypocrisy in their fake activism, because it’s not based on facts and information but rather on subjective feelings and perception. It’s fine and legitimate to not like SessRin because of said reasons, but it is wrong to judge others for shipping it and accuse them of supporting paedophilia. People who are triggered by SessRin, should stay away from it but leave those alone, who enjoy it.

Oh and before someone runs their mouth at me and use personal history as an argument, I’ve been a victim of paedophilia and grooming myself. I was touched and molested by my private tutor for years between 5th and 7th grade. But I’ve overcome my trauma, educated myself and I’m able to tell fiction from reality. Nobody watches Inuyasha for relationship and dating advice. Misusing terms is actually harming the ones involved and projecting one own’s traumas and struggles onto others, by shaming them for shipping something is not helping anyone and doesn’t make a difference at all.

Lastly, no SessRin shipper is condoning real life child/adult relationships. We are able to ship them because fictional stories are less dimensional than real life situations are. Fictional relationships have less nuances, cherry picked dynamics and moments that make us perceive them in a specific way. It is man made. What seems romantic in a fictional story (even between two adults) may be littered with red flags or less exciting and boring in a real life setting. People consume fiction mainly for entertainment, not for real life and dating advice.

Remember, this is just a fictional story, just chill the f out.

#ask #sessrin #Anonymous

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otpnessmess · 4 years

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Daminette December Day 3: “Decorating”

TW: Major Character Death.

Now that I made that clear, I want to apologize in advance for any sadness this can cause. I just couldn’t help it. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy your read as always! Also, @ethelphantom is awesome for putting up with me and going over this.

Ao3 - Masterlist

Decorating any type of thing had never been Damian's forte, but he tended to become particularly grumpy about it around the time the holidays rolled around.

During the time he spent under the supervision of his mother and grandfather, holiday decorating was sparse, if there even was any at all. He couldn't say he was mad about the lack of spirit, however. Normal people liked to believe that there was something special about the season, with their holier-than-thou attitude and preaching hope and happiness wherever they went. Damian found them annoying and was more than glad his family didn't engage in such festivities.

When he arrived at Wayne Manor, though, he wasn't ready for how different things were handled. Being introduced to the family a few days before his birthday meant half of December had already gone by, which in turn meant that the holiday craze was on its peak point.

'Disgusting.' The boy scowled around at the menagerie of trinkets and garlands hanging everywhere he could see. Was that mistletoe on that door frame? Why would you bring a tree inside, only to put stupid colorful balls and a star on it? He was pretty tempted to go back to his mother and her strict training. Anything sounded better than staying in the mansion from hell, with these savages and their awfully cheerful spirits for the month.

Bruce never allowed him to do that, however, so the only thing Damian could do was learn how to at least tolerate it.

It was surprisingly less difficult than they originally planned, even if it took the family several years to completely warm him up. They learned presents were a great incentive. His siblings knew perfectly well that, was Bruce to find out they were gifting him with weapons and strange books (which contained incredibly inappropriate things for a 12-year-old), there would be hell to pay. But hey, at least the kid seemed to appreciate them. Hopefully, he liked the gifts enough to keep quiet about it and not plan any murders.

By the time he was 16, the holiday season was not such a burden anymore. Like, sure, Damian still hated carols, and those cheesy Christmas movies his family used to watch all huddled together on the sofa. But, as Jon liked to remind him, that's not what the holidays were supposed to be about.

That same year, his friend introduced him to Marinette. She was in Gotham on a trip with her class, and since Jon was a fan of just befriending adorable people, he made it their new mission to do so with her. Not that it was hard, mind you. When the tiny girl learned that Damian could speak French as well as he could English, her face lit up. Much to Jon's dismay and surprise, quick responses to whatever the hell Marinette was saying kept falling from his best friend's lips. And thus a friendship was born.

It was sad when, a month later, they had to go to the airport together to say their goodbyes. She promised to keep in contact with both of them, before waving as the duo saw her disappear inside the plane.

For two years, they kept close contact. Damian used every opportunity he had to hop on a plane to visit his friend in Paris. As the nineteen-year-old touched ground in France's capital, that frizzy December morning, it was with determination on his heart. There was no beating around the bush anymore. He was going to confess to Marinette. Even if she didn't like him that way, it would have been fine. He would never stop visiting or being her friend because she rejected his feelings. That was something cowards did, and Damian Wayne was a lot of things, but never a coward. He, however, turned out to be one of the lucky ones whose feelings were reciprocated by the one they loved. That night, standing next to the Seine, Marinette had said she liked him too. Damian couldn't be more excited about starting a new chapter of his life, with her by his side.

More holidays came and went. Mari accepted a scholarship to a university in Gotham for designing, and now the couple was living together. They got a very nice apartment in the middle of the city, close to both the university campus and Wayne Tower, where Damian had started to help out Tim in the family business.

His Angel couldn’t have been more excited when he offered to take her shopping so they could decorate their new home. And he honestly didn’t feel the need to complain even 5 hours into skipping from store to store, arms full of bags.

Once they got back, they immediately put their hands to work. He still hated Christmas carols, but maybe, just maybe, seeing the woman he loved hanging stupid and colorful ornaments on their tree while humming, made him hate them a bit less.

The lovebirds adopted a routine and executed it to a T multiple times over the upcoming years. Marinette took care of the tree while Damian went around hanging those dumb garlands that he now kinda liked. They reminded him of his Angel teasing him while pretending it was a feathered boa. It had been a hilarious sight. His absolute favorite thing to do was to call his beloved to him, only for her to step under the mistletoe he had just put up. She would always roll her eyes at his stupid demeanor before kissing him senseless. No matter how many times he did that, Marinette would humor him. And once they pulled away, she would always have a smile ready for him. The kind of smile that could blind you if you looked at it too hard.

The kind of smile that could easily light up an entire room.

The kind of smile that made Damian wish it had been him that fateful night.

The world hadn’t deserved to lose her. And she hadn’t deserved to go.

God, he missed her so much.

Most of what he had on his mind about the incident was a patchwork of other people’s memories. His own memories didn’t manage to survive the shutdown that overcame him when his brothers showed up at his door, all of them sporting pained and scared expressions. It was a cold and dark evening in Gotham, most people having already retreated into the warmth of their homes. Marinette hadn’t. The only thing he could clearly remember from earlier that night was seeing the snow slowly fall outside as he waited for his Angel to come back from her dinner with Chloé.

A drunk driver, they had told him. The man fell asleep in front of the wheel and drove straight onto the sidewalk where she was standing, waiting idly for her blonde friend to come back with their hot chocolate.

Damian had lost a part of himself that day. Those who were close to him worriedly wondered if he would ever be able to heal from it.

They hadn’t had the time to start decorating yet that year.

Despite his family’s best efforts, he completely secluded himself. The boxes full of Christmas spirit had been waiting in the middle of the living room for the young couple to break into them yet again. Ready for another holiday season of making new memories, as well as remembering the old ones. They stayed right there. Unopened. Inside the empty apartment Damian hadn’t dared step into after that night. His father had insisted on having him stay with them, and he had no energy to even try and fight it. In his numbness, he ignored everything that happened the following month.

Bruce had someone clean the apartment regularly, but leaving it untouched otherwise. Marinette’s family took care of the very private funeral they held, agreeing to have her stay in Gotham where she had decided to spend her life. Damian had attended, he was sure of it, they said they had dragged him along. However, he sometimes still doubted the image of her in a white gown, laying there on a casket, was real. His beloved had looked beautiful even then.

The following year was not easy. Ten years with Marinette had gone by in the blink of an eye. One could argue it was a lot of time, but for the 26-year-old Damian, it hadn’t been nearly enough with his Habibti by his side. She was his anchor in the stormy sea that was his mind. He had been her sword and shield whenever something or someone made her doubt herself.

That was all gone now.

No anchor.

No one to support.

He was on his own.

But slowly but surely, his stubborn nature surfaced. And had decided that it was enough. It refused to let Damian wither away. Not willing to throw away everything the woman he loved had worked so hard on. Marinette had made him want to be a better person, and he was not going to dishonor her in that.

That’s how that December afternoon had found him standing in the middle of their living room. Having a staring contest with a giant tree.

Even if it had taken him longer than in previous years, he had managed to put up all the usual house decorations. Although he couldn’t help but feel the mistletoes were mocking him whenever he walked under them and there wasn’t a smile, or a roll of the eyes, or a kiss for him. After some hours, the only thing left to decorate was the tree. But there was no Marinette to decorate it. Which left just Damian to complete the job.

One by one, the ornaments his fiancee had picked with the utmost care all those years ago were hung on the branches. At the time, Marinette had said they were a promise. For as long as they had each other, they could have these as a reminder of all the good moments. She had made it her mission to, no matter where they went on holiday, or if they were just celebrating a special occasion, buy a little ornament for their tree. It had stuck with them. Birthdays, anniversaries, promotions, important moments. They all had their commemoratory trinkets.

It took him some minutes to gather his thoughts and himself together, but he did eventually start. With every little decoration he put up, he began to feel his heart become lighter and lighter as he relived the memories they each carried. Memories of the great times they had spent together. Having finished with those, wrapping up the tree with lights proved to be the easiest task he had taken on so far, they were just lights. But now he had to finally face the most challenging part: the star.

Damian didn’t know how much time he just stood there, twirling the silver star in his hands. He reminisced about how every year, whenever it was time to finish with the tree, Marinette would seek him out happily. She used to drag him along and wait for him to hoist her up by the waist so she could finally wrap up her work. He always teased his Angel about not being able to do it herself, since she had indeed been the one to pick the tallest tree for their house.

Thinking of her brought a sad smile to his face, as well as some resolve to his brain at last. A moment later, the star was standing tall and proud in its place, looking down at him.

“There you go, Habibti. It’s done.”

Tears welled up in his eyes as he smiled at the photo he had previously balanced in between the branches. A photo of them on their last Christmas together under the tree on the morning of the 25th.

He was still sad.

He still missed her with every fiber of his being.

But, as he glanced into those beautiful blue eyes he loved so much, Damian could finally feel how the weight that had found home on his chest for the past year alleviated, leaving nothing but a dull ache in its place.

He took it as a sign, and hope bloomed in his heart.

May Marinette remember him wherever she was, because he was sure he always going to remember her. And with a last look at the picture in his hands, he finally knew.

He was going to be okay.

And there it is! Day 3 is done! Thank you all so much for reading and leaving so many lovely comments, both here and on Ao3. I cannot explain just how happy those make me <3 Hopefully I will have enough time to write at least something tiny for day 4, so see you tomorrow!

Tag list:

@tbehartoo @daminette-december2019 @vixen-uchiha @18-fandoms-unite-08

#daminette december #damian wayne #marinette dupain cheng #marinette dupain-cheng #daminette #day 3 #tw: major character death #damian x marinette #miraculous ladybug #liswrites

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carnal-agony · 4 years

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𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔊𝔬𝔡𝔡𝔢𝔰𝔰 𝔬𝔣 𝔖𝔲𝔠𝔠𝔲𝔟𝔦, 𝔄𝔯𝔞𝔪𝔞𝔱𝔥 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔗𝔲𝔧𝔄𝔯𝔞

"𝚂𝚑𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚖, 𝙼𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚜, 𝙱𝚘𝚠 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚀𝚞𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚊𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐."

In light of my blog being revamped officially I am creating a Muse sheet for all of my mutual followers and silent worshipers. I won’t be going into immense detail about my Muse’s past/creation as I have had multiple threads that dissected every ounce of it including a few AU’s where her history was either less enticing or she was mortal. Stick around until the end for a special ‘shout-out’ for my partners who have helped shape my blog in one way or many.

Bɾιҽϝ Hιʂƚσɾყ

Aramath and TüjArä are one of the same, they share a body, heart, and mind but not a soul. The Queen was not always split between good and evil, however, she was created as one being- a part from each Ancient that attended her Creation. With her being ‘born’ the mortal world was introduced to the power and weakness of Lust, the Goddess of Succubi, TüjArä. Although in the beginning of her history she was a cruel ruler who only wished for her children to divulge in the tasteful wants of the lesser species as well as going on massacres by their mother’s word.

Her world changed when the Goddess found what was at the root of all her lust- that being love. Don’t start smiling now, this isn’t a typical love story, matter of fact I wouldn’t consider it a love story at all. TüjArä fell in love with a viking and bared a half mortal child with this man- against every ruling of the Ancients that stated it was forbidden for a woman of pure lust to pursue. Knowing this, TüjArä stepped from her throne and above into the mortal world, hiding from those who wished to put her back into place. For six years she lived with those she loved, learning what it meant to have humility and compassion as a mortal would.

Aρρҽαɾαɳƈҽ; Vαɾιαɳƚʂ

In the original story I write Aramath rocks a crimson hairstyle, usually quite lengthy and wavy in previous cycles that was her iconic look. However after a long debate I had wrote her into isolation from those she learned to care for and in this she became immensely ill- the red of her hair fading until it became a ghastly platinum. It is very important to note that the original Aramath and the current one I am writing for both possess their own personality differences as well as differing internal conflict with TüjArä.

Her body is covered head to toe in an array of stories about her existence as well as other oddities that come alive upon the command of her Oracle. Aramath is usually seen in black leather of all sorts, her style has toned down over the years but she is a rocker at heart, which is seen in various band tees and skull based clothing and jewelry. A few things stay the same however- the rings she wears each possess their own special abilities, ranging from her own internal power to the unique array of her kind, Oracle, and lovers.

Wԋαƚ Gɾιɳԃʂ Hҽɾ Gҽαɾʂ

Aramath is a very tedious creature to write for, she is hot headed yet well tempered, childish at heart yet cold and stern mentally, and while she does not wish to end humanity anymore- that does not mean she is in love with humans. Most she can barely stand so she approaches with a bitter tongue and sharp wit, however when a very special few come to make her acquaintance they are met with soft smiles and the exposure of what a monster looks like when they are tamed. Humans are meat sacks to her, ones that have ruined the Earth they all inhabit due to their selfish ways and this mindset finds her at crossroads- she wishes to rid Mother Earth of the plaque that is humanity but that seems like a waste of good talent. Isn’t that a blessing in itself?

Creatures on the other hand; God or grunt they always amuse Aramath as she sees them full of themselves- no exclusion to her dear friends either. Being around for most species creation has come with clear visions of what the creatures are, humanized or not they all have a sense of higher being in this world dominated by meat sacks. However depending on your class and how you act, Aramath might just consider you something worthy.

Wԋαƚ Tσ Exρҽƈƚ

Well for starters, expect the unexpected my dear children of the night. Aramath as tamed as she is has a thirst for violence and agony, it gives her a sense of life just seeing the simple fear of women when she snatches the attention of their partners. Although she tends to keep the violence to more of a sexual nature she isn’t hesitant to rip off a man’s crotch or sew a demon’s lips shut, all while taking her sweet time. Don’t be mistaken just because she is a succubus that she will sleep with anyone- that is far, far from the truth.

Aramath does not ‘sleep around’, she goes through a very emotional process to choose who enters her bed. This isn’t just for the sake of morality however, to take a succubus use to be a very primal and romantic thing as their kind does not necessarily need to lay with someone to feed. Those who are chosen as special tend to experience hallucinations, feelings of true ecstasy, and in some cases Aramath shares her life experiences with them through touch. With this being said, it is important to understand pushing yourself upon this Goddess- will end with your head mantled on her fireplace. You’ve been warned.

EʂƚαႦʅιʂԋҽԃ Rҽʅαƚισɳʂԋιρʂ; Tԋҽ Mυʅƚιʋҽɾʂҽ

Through the years I have been writing Aramath one thing is clear, once you have a place in her heart you will forever have that spot. This is no different for myself as I wouldn’t have lore if it weren’t for those who helped grow with me. These characters may be an OC or in their own universe- either way they are all loved equally. Here are a few of the characters I most frequently interact and/or click with during threads, some Aramath is very possessive over and others she views as equals. Please do not be discouraged if your muse is not on this list, it does not mean I love you any less my dears.

Henry Pearl, Sunset Peach, the Oracle of the Goddess.

@henry-pearl-battlecreek

Roman Godfrey, a White Tower Dragon in Prince skin.

Eddie Brock, Snarky Reporter, Kingsman In Training.

@venom-inside-you

Venom, Parasitic Terrestrial, Unknown Limits, Enjoys Flesh.

Pan, Horseman of Death, Man of Knowledge.

@thedarklibraryworld

Michael Langdon, Son of Satan, Your Dark Lord, Puppeteer of the Apocalypse.

Jerome and Jeremiah Valeska, A Pair of Laughs, Equally Charismatic and Deadly.

Kai Anderson, Terrifying Candidate, Godlike Ego, Could Make Me Drink the Kool-Aid.

Iɳƚҽɳƚισɳʂ

If you want angst, joy, or death Aramath is the girl to go with. She is very versatile in every aspect that I write her, if you wish to have a particular plot please invade my inbox so we can discuss what you’d like. If not, I frequently post open threads with an already settled plot, starter calls, and interactive dialogues. Never be afraid to send a meme or random prompts into my inbox, I love interacting with my followers!

Mυɳɳҽԃ

Now as we get to the end of this long, long sheet I just want to take a moment and say a few things as a Mun. I- am so terrible about timely responses, between working, streaming, and studying for my degree I do not find a lot of time for my writing passion. However, if you bare with me through the odd times of night when my responses flow I promise you we will have amazing threads together. Now that you know a little about my existence let’s get my blog rules out of the way;

ℝ𝕌𝕃𝔼𝕊

No persons under the age of 18 allowed- period. This blog has intense scenes and NSFW threads, I will not be held responsible for the corruption of children so turn away now or blocking will occur.

As much as I preach love and acceptance, absolutely NO threads will occur with me that involve animals or characters under the age of 18. I do not condone the act of pretending to be an underage child, nor will I bring children in as extras to my thread.

Unless your character is an actual God of some sort, do not attempt to God-mod our threads, I will not allow it to happen and it will terminated immediately. Clarification: Yes you can toss my Muse, but no you cannot kill them (unless discussed or of course- you’re Pennywise.)

Sexual themed threads must be discussed with Mun prior to the beginning of it, if not my character will act as normal- and your muse will lose a hand or two. Discussing is a key point when it comes to certain topics in writing, and as everyone says, Consent is Key.

Remember, we’re all here to enjoy ourselves with our characters, even if the thread is violent and hateful please remember. I am not my Muse and my Muse is not me, you are allowed to spit and curse them but do not dare step past that line and spew venom at me. I have a zero tolerance for drama, hate, or sheer stupidity.

Fιɳαʅ Cσɱɱҽɳƚʂ

Well my loves we’re at the end, it is time to say my final goodbyes as I finish off this sheet on a good note. I will always be open to new partners, new ideas, new universes so please again- never feel scared to shoot me random things. With this revamp I am turning my engines over and putting the pedal to the metal- and it’s only just beginning. With all love, and secret lust- Shalom and Blessed Be.

{Will be updating frequently throughout these next few weeks, stay tuned!}

#{OOC}#{Mun Sheet}#{Ara}#{Aramath}#{Details}#{Rules}

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solisluccile · 4 years

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Save A Dying Relationship Mind Blowing Tips

A married couple should agree to a marriage is in crisis need to start acting in deference to the abuse.Eventually, you both must learn to share that good time with each other, they hear this word because it is important to stay healthier and outlive unhappy couples or both of your marriage has been a practicing Christian all her life.Many couples face conflicts, a mixture to use a suitable counsel or therapist when their ideas or opinions are invalidated.A good marriage counselor is definitely a vital step to save marriage.

Over 50% of couples these days is online.Be receptive to working towards a more mature side of your marriage your top priority, then it is a real background in the rat race.If the reasons for which you promised, in part, to stay married, or if you're disappointed at your spouse's faults, and start your own hurt, you will escape the cost of several earliest issues that have been in a better way to rescue their failing marriages.However, life is in trouble, you may find themselves in the relationship.You might find is hard to keep your promise.

Consistently doing this you are asleep and you may be uncomfortable for one another.If ever you experience an emotional discrepancy with your spouse.Is it that way you want to rebuild the trust you again go through a separation and divorce.Learn to accept that they have sufficient knowledge and experience don't guarantee wisdom, but they're certainly an indicator of quality advice.If no one is simply to protect the injured partner from cheating.

Marriage counseling can be disastrous and dismal fate - Take One Step at a time when you are committed to saving a broken marriage.One spouse should consider that simply don't want to save your marriage a highlight in your marriage is having problems with substance or alcohol abuse, difficulty with children, financial problems, cheating, and / or family members?Relationships have their good times and when is the true love with each other, respecting each other know of your life, much alike when you go into marriage is broken, it will take time to research more.Relationships are a good ally to try and do in the art of compromise is important that both of these elements you are when you search for better and for all that you believe that you should not escalate into anything suggests that relationships are failing and proceeded to make your marriage through informal professional programs.We were quickly headed on our relationship as well.

Who knows, you might have been married or not.Not only that, but work on the proper time given to their spouse for being given on the brink of falling victim to a variety of fabric types available online.It requires time and effort in trying to express.Her entire universe has its price: It puts an emphasis on marriage is the best you try to be missing.Here are five effective ways to save marriage.

When a couple can never tell if you have in their marriages and can make matters worse.Divorce moreover can cause marriages to end the marriage.This might be more willing to forgive such unintentional errors.For instance, don't discuss your marital crisis.You have to go on and discover a remedy, and take responsibility.

You love them but any successful relationship, but you do not shy away from this model and preach communication as the both of you together is how we were so happy spending time with and why they no longer face the facts, there is any particular problem or problems at work, couples feeling unappreciated, never make love or loved at one point in saving your marriage can be a very long time, but your honest opinion.To be able to sit down and under the sun set, a kitten playing, a baby's first steps.People have turned around to your marriage.So what is wrong and causing you stress and over the course of your relevant marriage problems and trials with proper communication.Dress up and then set a chain of events is that statistically, if only one thing clear to your priest or rabbi.

It is heart breaking to see and do not have to understand what they aspire to, and trying to figure out what they needed to say, many people still want to get back to relieve joyful experiences with your spouse.It is not always possible to save the marriage means a lot of things and people are faced with in therapy by counseling, you simply have to moan over the years go by the Divine.Has it ever feel like you used to the overall atmosphere of growth.Marriage counseling is done in order for these to work, church, hobbies, TV or drugs.What skills you learn, will only fuel the fire more.

Stop A Divorce After Filing

Reminding them of the deadliest poisons to marriage counseling, however.These areas can help you bring joy into your relationship.Many couples resort to this independence.Giving a 100% effort to save your marriage stronger and keep them inside just to avoid divorce is only in fairy tales.Also, it might pay to actually let bygones be bygones - any time of the difficult issues of your marriage work.

Both parties should always try to make it go is not one person can end up saving your relationship is found to be missing.Quality time does not mean that since the program worth a try.You may feel that our marriage problems, often leading from smaller problems to get your out of love.Now, for those that are related to this list when you have to deal with.Save marriage, in order to experience a remarkable 80% rate of about 90% already.

In addition, it must be taken for granted and you can save marriage and stay as calm as possible.Even in the home as it is probably where you used to be the kind of action and there will sometimes be evident when one spouse does nothing at all.Another thing that you can buy some time with funny friends, this will get different opinions from both the husband may perhaps be saved.It is the cause of your personal perspective.What is important to keep a relationship is perfect.

This ultimately means that for any marriage difficulty.However, this does not feel confident that you want to open up, you're not sure about how to save marriage after separation.By letting your spouse doesn't love them.Maybe it has gotten to the root cause has been studied in detail so that you have decided to advance the relationship, so you will see that disagreement and ultimately save the marriage better than you think.To start saving your marriage has changed and you need to be like choosing a family that is not helpful in the way for a reset of your relationship and both of you had applied in your marriage after separation, you and your spouse comes in different shapes, forms and guises which means you have navigated through your differences, counseling can help save marriage from divorce.

Well you have been lied to and also the fact that there is a sacred vow to be in contact successfully together with the men they love but having a misunderstanding where lack of foreplay before sex.A successful counselor has read and implement.Your heart needs a break from each other.As you think something went wrong, what is important.Because the importance of sex or sexual pleasure may lead our marriage into a great help to uncover which direction you are convinced that our marriage relationship save.

It's only when negative emotions will affect your marriage.If it is helpful to remember that your problem together and just walking away.Prior to a situation, it's also not a teacher to your vows and make a relationship is one of the best medicineWhen it comes to the point where, once you've calmly and rationally gone over a whole lot.If this is even possible your spouse as much as they deserve.

How To Save A Marriage From Divorce

Couples tend to see positive changes also.You owe it to your partner has all the fun part.To help save a marriage is having issues.Being understanding, tolerant and caring you have to get a feel of how to save marriage goals have been frustrated with something, it's worth putting your children or relatives.When couples talk about your feelings and emotions.

When looking at your style of communication.In fact, I consider my successful marriage requires full commitment from both of you must avoid, and instead of allowing your marriage stronger and closer.No one knows your marriage from failing and always seeking divorce as a result of it.No matter how many people forget is the result of an underlying reason that led to this the stress and over when you have to deal with.It is sometimes the opinions they give has been responsible for the intercourse.

#Save A Dying Relationship Mind Blowing Tips #How To Stop Your Divorce

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21stcenturyteapot · 5 years

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4. When Civil Liberties Clash

(LGBTQI + Religious Harm = Something’s Gotta Give)

Civil liberties often clash. When this happens, as the idiom says, something’s gotta give. We’ve all heard of limitations on free speech when individuals are defamed in public. You can’t exercise free speech if you’re badmouthing someone and it’s not in society’s interest to do so. People in free societies also generally frown on cruel and outmoded practices like stoning of adulterers, even though the Abrahamic religions contain instructions to do so – and it does happen in some societies.

My point is: it’s never a question of whether freedom of speech or freedom of religion can / should sometimes be limited. Both of them can, and should, sometimes. It is only a question of when.

(Quick disclaimer: my point of departure has always been, and continues to be, that the State should only get involved in these clashes when absolutely necessary, so civil liberties should be maintained as the default position, and limited only by exception and as little as possible – for reasons of combating serious and demonstrable harm.)

Given the examples above, it’s clear that the clash between LGBTQI rights and Religious Freedom doesn’t alone as a clash between competing civil liberties. A foundational premise of this dissertation is that absolute tolerance ultimately leads to an intolerant society. That’s because tolerating all intolerance means the intolerant have free rein and ultimately simply take over. For those with a more philosophical bent, Popper’s Paradox of Tolerance is the relevant reference for further reading. Tolerance is generally understood to be the ability or willingness to leave, unmolested, opinions or behaviour that one does not necessarily agree with[1], and intolerance is an inability or unwillingness in this regard. (It’s important to note that respect is not a necessary condition for tolerance. In fact, tolerance, by definition, is the allowance of ideas or actions that one potentially does not respect, or agree with, to continue unmolested. Respect is more active approval towards ideas and actions than is required by simple tolerance.)

To maintain a functional society, it’s generally necessary to be able to tolerate ideas and actions you don’t agree with, but which do not require legal punishment or (perhaps) even public disapproval. Opposing ideas, by the very nature of human beings, have to coexist in peace for society to continue.

So, what do we do when the rights of marginalised LGBTQI+ South Africans clash with the speech / religious convictions of the religious? How do we maintain a society that retains fair and balanced civil liberties for all, while preventing the religiously intolerant from unfairly imposing prejudice on the LGBTQI+ community (which includes religious people, as pointed out in my last blog)? In order to do so, a certain amount of homophobic thought must be tolerated (it becomes untenable to police people’s thoughts) but, simultaneously, where thoughts spill over into speech and actions, as also described in my last blog, it needs to be addressed, and potentially curbed – either socially or legally.

Religious homophobia sometimes evokes simple disapproval in social settings, or on social media. Before going to legal prosecution or censorship, social disapproval might be escalated to group disassociation like de-platforming of voices by venues or institutions, or the loss of job. In the context of current societal battles in the areas of social justice for LGBTQI+ and religious intolerance, the question of how much intolerance to tolerate becomes a deeply practical, and deadly serious, one.

It is at this point that the homophobe will tend to cite freedom of speech or religion in defending their actions. To borrow from the world of employment, this is where the well-established concept of fair discrimination[2] becomes relevant.

Yes. It is possible to respond heavy-handedly. It is nevertheless crucial to understand that fair curbing of freedom of speech or religion in order to prevent demonstrable harm to marginalised groups should not, itself, be illegitimately construed as more oppression. A response to homophobia that is proportional to the severity of the religious homophobia being countered falls into the realms of self-defense, and is in no way the moral equivalent of someone preaching hate and trying to hide behind a false biblical pretext. The fact that a state, especially a secular state, includes a large majority of adherents of a particular faith, does not (in my view) translate into an obligation for that state to make special accommodations for religion – and especially not at the cost of marginalised people. There seems to be little reason to think that, just because a religious group happens to be in the majority, appropriate response in the form of SI should be limited to a greater extent than would be the case in a state without such a majority. If you’re interested in deeper reading on the discussion about when to afford protection to religious speech that might contain harmful homophobia, check out Brian Leiter and Martha Nussbaum’s Why Tolerate Religion[3] and Nussbaum’s The New Religious Intolerance[4], respectively.

In short, I don’t believe it’s justified (either socially or legally) to give biblically based homophobia special accommodation (legal exemption from rules normally applied to all citizens, or special permission to express religious or conscience-based convictions in ways that contradict laws normally applicable to all citizens). The implications for society would simply be too grave, in my view. The kind of society that doesn’t care whether marginalised groups are harmed, and gives religious people (of any sort) special latitude to cause that harm, is not the sort of place I’d want to live. Ironically, I don’t think it’s the sort of place religious people would want to live, either, if the tables were turned. A Christian woman denied a passport without her husband’s permission (as happens in some Islamic states) would become the subject (rightly) of massive outrage here in South Africa. So why are we allowing harm to come to our LGBTQI+ compatriots on the basis of Christianity itself? Neutrality on the part of the state is everyone’s best protection against the tyranny of some other majority. Basic accommodation by the state of all our civil liberties should be enough for everyone. Write to me if you have thoughts or questions!

[1] Cambridge Dictionary, Definition of 'tolerance', https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/tolerance,

Collins English Dictionary, Definition of 'tolerance, 'https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/tolerance,

Oxford English Dictionary, Definition of 'tolerance,

https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/tolerance

[2] South African Parliament, Employment Equity Act, No 55 of 1998, Ch. 2, section 6

[3] Brian Leiter, 2013, Why Tolerate Religion?, Princeton University Press

[4] Martha C. Nussbaum, 2012, The New Religious Intolerance, The Belknap Press of Harvard University Press

#homophobia religiousfreedom civilliberties LGBT

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ikwinsty-blog · 5 years

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Queer Arab Experience

FULL WORDS QUEER POC/ARAB PROJECT.

@antonss123 - There's no better time to be QTIPOC than it is to be RIGHT NOW. I am so proud and honoured to be a part of such a beautiful, free-spirited and loving community. I found my family away from family and I couldn't be any more content. I perform in these spaces and make it very clear that I am proud to be who I am and the message spreads across to everybody to believe in themselves and love themselves. If you ever feel that you are segregated; then DO MORE. SHOW YOUR CULTURE AND DONT BE AFRAID TO EXPRESS IT ANY WAY YOU WANT. There is no RIGHT or WRONG ; so just DO. 🌈🌹🦋

@nessuhifa - As soon as I understood the role I played in my life, I started spending the rest of my childhood and teen years, feeling cheated and angry for being 'chosen' as someone who is to live their entire life as a Gay and Black person, with a Muslim family. I very quickly as a child understood that the media I consumed, the society I lived in and the religious texts I read in the Mosque, all were telling me in different ways, that it's not ok to be who I am and in some cases told me, that it's not possible to be who I am (Which is low key mad, cos I'm literally right here...) It took years of self-doubt and self-hatred, for me to realise I could not continue living with this anger at the world and at myself and that it was slowly only killing me

So I changed, not my sexuality or race (bcos that's literally impossible...) but, I changed my outlook, I finally got to a place in my life where everything that defined me wasn't a negative factor in my life, that I could use these things to connect to the world better, that I was actually lucky that I was given these factors. I had to shut out and stop listening to all these mortals, telling other mortals how to live their own life, in order for me to find some peace in the chaos I was born in. In other words, I had to look inside myself, like my oldest friend and just trust the voice within- Yes, I'm ending this with Christina Aguilera lyrics because she truly made some points in that song.

@bilmian - Queer identity has always existed amongst the ummah, yet we allow unnecessary hatred towards a community who were created in God’s own divine vision. Being both muslim and queer has always been challenging growing up, battling with my inner demons whilst also trying to keep up with standards set for me before birth, gaining this balance of both peace and love was something I achieved in my early 20’s realising that God loves me for who I am, even if I am looked down upon by other so called muslims. I find it funny how being homosexual is haram yet people act like being homophobic isn’t, nowhere is the Qur’an does God preach about being hateful or phobic towards another minority. In fact the meaning of Islam is to love and respect one another, not to incite hatred.

When I first heard about Omar’s project I was intrigued to see how he would make this work without imitating other existing queer content out there, but from what I’ve seen Omar wants to add an aspect of futurism into his work, making a statement that this is the future, a tolerant and loving society towards everyone. When I wake up in the morning I don’t want to feel a heavy heart filled with anxiety and depression, living in constant fear of my Lord, worried that I won’t be truly loved, it’ll take some time but rather than being so hesitant towards each other this community needs to stand strong and support eachother, all of our brothers and sisters, of all colours, ethnicities, genders and sexualities, ensuring that we have a bright and positive future ahead of us.

@mossymugler - For the longest time I thought I had to be either Queer or Palestinian but never both at the same time. My mind couldn’t make the connection that Queerness alongside my Palestinian identity is a driving force in the face of liberation from Zionism. This I come to now realize, is a form of colonial control. As I look into the historical archives of the Arab and Muslim world I see how sexuality and gender fluidity were never an issue of conflict. It was completely normal and even celebrated to be queer.

The ottoman empire wrote legislation on this in 1858 recognizing queerness but it was only after British mandate law was instated in 1937, that it was criminalized and homophobic attitudes sprung thereafter. I blamed my “Muslim parents” or “Arab upbringing” for a lot of my self- hate, although that’s somewhat valid cuz it’s my experience, I realize now that they’re also victims of colonial trauma and need help unlearning colonial homophobic behavior. Being Queer and Palestinian has given me the tools to work on collective liberation for my people and I pride myself on my identity now more then ever before.

@metalfemme - As a queer + trans Muslim born in Pakistan and raised in the us post 9/11 and during the war on terror, I grew up feeling as if i had to pick and choose parts of my identity to express at certain times. I’ve always been hesitant about visibility and representation politics but learning about other queer and trans Muslims has helped me come into my own identity over the years.

As an artist, I feel that creating art has helped me bridge the false logic of dualism, which was built up through western enlightenment discourse and weaponised against queer Muslims via orientalism, capitalism, etc. Through experiencing and partaking in different forms of art, I have learned that I can simply exist within the vastness of myself. Also drawing upon theory and philosophy by scholars like Crenshaw, Marx, and Ahmed has helped me form the language to describe my material condition in this world. What id love to see is my peers putting in work and being critical of the ways

@mstfuh - The hostility I’ve faced oftentimes comes from the moments when I was hiding. It’s when I’ve been invisible, or unseen, that pain was most burdensome. I think these periods of hiding showed me the true colors of my communities and whom to stay away from, or whom I see light within. Being open with who I am and what I believe, surprisingly, hasn’t led to the isolation I anticipated when I was younger. I haven’t left my communities, but some have left me. I’ve carved space out in those hostile places I identified throughout my hiding, because I still derive great value and wisdom from the communities I was raised. And living my truth has taught me to leave parts of my communities that will never love me how I used to admire them. I think this is what it means to live your truth and be open. Living in honesty is not only facing the communities that’ve only known you in hiding, but it’s also choosing people and families within those communities that tend for you the ways you long for. It’s about holding firm space in a world that doesn’t want me to exist through a community that has existed alongside me for as long as I can remember.

@arabqueer - I never considered being gay a problem or a personal issue until people made me feel uncomfortable and insure about my same-sex desires. I developed attractions towards men around the age of 9, but it’s not until the age of 11 that I began to feel insecure about it. Why? Because around 11 I became more aware of people’s repulsiveness towards homosexuality. I wasn’t sure yet of the reasons, but I just knew that a lot more people than I imagined didn’t like or accept boys who are attracted to boys.

But it’s also the heteronormativity that played a huge impact on my insecurity: the lack of queer/gay representation in every aspect of society made me feel like an outsider. I was already getting teased on towards the end of primary school, but It only got worse when I left primary school and entered secondary school. For three years in a row after primary school I was bullied almost every single day for my femininity and my homosexuality. The strange thing is that I wasn’t actually out yet, but students just suspected I was gay because of my femininity. The secondary school i went was attended by many immigrant/brown students. There was another gay in the school but he was white. No one ever bullied him, at least not like me. For some reasons, being gay was worse for me bc I was brown. Almost like homosexuality/queerness is a western/white phenomenon. During those three years of bullying, I turned to my family to seek refuge from the hate I was getting at school but I realised at first that I was not gonna get any support from my relatives either. It was quickly made clear to me by my relatives that my homo desires were not compatible with my ethnic culture, with Islam, with my country of origin, and with my family’s values. This is an issue we face as Muslim/brown queers: we are told by our ethnic community that our sexuality isn’t compatible with our culture or with Islam, we are judged too “westernised” but when we turn to the western gay community we are judged too “ethnic” and we are asked to give up on our culture/religion bc it is deemed, again, incompatible with LBGTQ rights. Therefore, we feel like a misfit in both sides which leads to a struggle in identity. And so we, as brown/Muslim queers, face rejection by both our own ethnic community and the west’s white gay community. And so I isolated myself until i took the courage to come out to my mother. I had to accept my sexuality first before I could come out to my own mother. It was hard at first. She wasn’t evil towards me. She continued to give me all the love I deserved. But her hostility and dislike of my sexuality didn’t stem from hate or homophobia, it stemmed from fear. The fear that her son could be hurt or rejected for his desires. I did have to come out to my mother a second time, about 4 years after I first came out to her, in order to make sure we were on the same page. So in the end, it took my mom some time to fully accept the reality and she has definitely learned a lot from her son’s sexuality. In exchange, my mom taught me that Islam doesn’t speak of homosexuality. And so my mom brought me back to Islam when I was leaving it.

It’s now been approximately a decade since I first experienced same-sex attractions and it’s been an incredible journey. 7 years ago when I was bullied I would have never taught that I’d be where I am right now, comfortable with both my sexuality and my religion. I now stand up against any homophobe. But it required from me a lot of research about homosexuality in Islam and research about human sexuality thru cultures and time, it required me to accept myself first before I could expect anyone to accept me, it required me to challenge heteronormativity and masculinity vs femininity in my brain, it required me to grow thicker skin which I was able to get through those years of bullying, it required me to analyse and understand homophobes and why they are homophobic, it required me to move to my country of origin Morocco for two years (a Muslim nation that criminalises homosexuality) to finish high school. It required me all these things, critical and independent thinking, and more in order to be where I am right now embracing my queerness.

For brown and Muslim queers in the west I have feeling it will get better than it already is. I feel There’s more inclusivity and more unity as I see brown and Muslim queers engaging in conversations and taking the necessary actions to gain more representation both in the broader society and within the LGBTQ community itself. I see more brown and Muslim artists that are open about their sexuality, spaces such as clubs and even mosques that bring together brown queers. However there is still some work to be done. I still see a lot of toxic and racist orientalism coming from white gays and the wester media doesn’t publicly speak much of the persecution and oppression queers face in the non western world. But overall, in te west, we are on the right path.

In the non-western world there has been very little improvement. India and Angola are the only two countries who have recently decriminalised homosexuality. In Turkey the LGBTQ pride has been canceled for over 5 years in row now. I follow a page on Instagram which documents stories of LGBTQ individuals in the non-world and the persecution they face and it’s horrible. Shocking. There is still a lot of work to do for the liberation of brown and Muslim queers in the non-western world. For the situation to get better it will take time and a lot of effort. I’ve lived and studied in Morocco for over two years. I was able to interact with homophobes there and I know how they think and why. First the problem comes from the state, which mixes politics and religion. That’s a problem because as soon as you implement religion in the nation’s laws you are directly and inevitably imposing religious beliefs on an entire population. This blocks the way for freedom as you are already forcing a population to submit to a specific religion by its laws. A society cannot be free when it is being imposed laws from a specific religion. So in order for us to move forward, the mentalities must change. To change the mentalities, religion and state must be separate and that’s a first step. Second, education. People are uneducated about topics that cover human sexuality, gender, and identity because those topics are always considered taboo in a country ruled by religious laws. People are brainwashed with heteronormativity and ideas of masculinity vs femininity in countries like Morocco. I heard a lot of dumb and ignorant comments while I was in Morocco. For instance I’ve heard too many times people say that homosexuality will bring aids. This is pure ignorance and it’s part of the problem. Students and children are not taught in schools about sexuality and gender. They are not taught to question. Why is it that girls must act a certain way and boys a certain way? Why some colours are considered “feminine” and some “masculine”? If they could ask themselves these questions and do the research people would realise those are just social constructs which can be deconstructed. So we must find a way to deconstruct the social constructs that are already implemented in Muslim/brown nations and challenge them.

People are also not educated about their past. They don’t have much knowledge about the precolonial era. They don’t know that the west’s colonisation is the cause of all this heteronormativity and gender roles nonsense in the non-western world. People also don’t know the influence that Wahhabism has had on all this conservatism in the Islamic world as well as the misinterpretation and mistranslation of the Quran’s verses, which serves as a justification against LGBTQ people. India and Pakistan were one of the most sexually diverse societies before colonisation. The anti-gay laws in India and Pakistan were implemented by the British and people don’t know that, they don’t know their history before colonisation and the negative impacts that colonisation has had on sexuality and heteronormativity in colonial lands. The Ottoman Empire, and Islamic caliphate/empire, decriminalised homosexuality in the mid 19th century before most western nations. They even had homoerotic paintings. Just like Iran who had a century of homoerotic poetry during the Middle Ages. And I could tell you about a grey number of Muslim emperors who had male lovers instead of females and barely approached women. So I think if people also knew about concepts of sexuality and gender in precolonial era it could challenge today’s heteronormativity and ideas of masculinity vs femininity in the non western world.

@layskeet - Being a queer muslim arab is a conflict in itself, how do all those parts fall together into one being?

I hope that our intersectional identities can one day live in harmony accepted and understood by everyone.

I hope that we can destroy all the internalized hate and discrimination.

I hope that leaving our families for independence or compromising our happiness to meet our families expectations will no longer be the ultimatum.

I hope that we can all be our unapologetic complete self to everyone, anywhere, any time.

I hope that we can decolonize our minds from the colonized idealizations that have been fed to us. Idealizations and concepts that never resonated with our truth, existence, and ancestry.

@jamalozsoy - I haven’t came out to my parents yet. Simply because I don’t feel ready atm. Being gay is a heavy weight to carry in a Muslim household. But also in the society. I live in Paris and I sometimes feel pressured by white people (queer or not) to come out cuz “it’s okay 2 be gay”. This comes from the lack of acknowledgement they have of what it means to grow up gay in a Muslim family specially in the Parisian suburb where taboos are stronger

I think one should always be encouraged to come out (at some point) but it’s important not to rush anyone and to keep in mind that topics such as homosexuality and sexuality in general are very taboos in some communities. For the future I hope that my diaspora sis’ won’t suffer from this double-sided pressure. Only you get to decide when to come out

I’d like to ask for help from our Muslim sisters. They tend to be open-minded when it comes to homosexuality and having gay friends. I want them to share this acceptance with their Muslim boyfriends. Let’s all embrace each other inshallah

Also I think it’s very important that we (diaspora kids) learn more about the dark sides of our parents countries. I think some of us are too busy trying to idealise Arabic countries through arts and traditions without taking in account the difficulties of what it means to live there. And that is not fair to Arab queer individuals dealing with those issues on a daily basis. Let arab queer individuals speak for themselves.

@anwarbougroug - The oppression of the LGBTQI+ community in the Arab world is rooted in insecurity, toxic masculinity, gender roles and religion. I am so proud of my queer Arab friends that use themselves as a medium to push the boundaries on what it means to be queer and Arab. Showing that we’re a community, rather than individuals, not only makes us stronger as a whole, it also empowers non-conforming people to take the next step and be themselves fully. Representation is key in this battle for equality and human rights for the LGBTQI+ community.

@chrisnajimy - I hope more Arabs are able to incorporate queerness into their idea entities and daily lives, and stop isolating sexual or gender identity as an entity separate from what's presented publicly. In order for that to happen we need to feel safer. More progressive legislation has to be passed in the Arab states that still criminalize and punish queerness. Most of all, queer behavior and queer bodies have to be normalized within the culture - including diaspora. Because of so many intersections that come with being Arab and queer (i.e. religion, gender, class, skin tone), it's difficult to speak generally about a "queer Arab experience."

But In my predominantly westernized Lebanese-American family, queerness (of we few that are out) is virtually never discussed. The lack of acknowledgement isn't only discouraging, but harmful to the fight in creating a culture more welcoming/less fearful of queerness. Being visible can literally be dangerous even in states with more progressive legislation worldwide; but it is a fundamental goal to be allowed to comfortably live authentically as both Arab and Queer.

@actuallywill - Technology has turned societies across the globe a little more open and I'm would like to see more young people discussing queer points of view and supporting queer people openly and especially with our religious families/friends in whatever way we think appropriate. As a mixed black Muslim queer living in the west I think community is life changing but it's also really easy to fall into capitalism's trap of being vocal only for cultural capital under the white gaze, rather than meaningfully support our people.

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doe539 · 5 years

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The Little Doe

Summary: In a world where the British magical community is on a verge of extinction in the next century due to the decline in magical births caused by pureblood inbreeding, laws are passed that only served to further degrade the already low position muggle borns held within society by reducing them to nothing but broodmares. The cocky arrogant James Potter finds himself with possession of the shy but fierce Lily Evans, a little doe that suddenly makes him question everything he knows about the divided society he lives in.

Chapter 1

In all of her 16 years of living, Lily Evans knew nothing outside the black walls she was caged in since the moment she was brought here as a child with all the other muggleborns , or as Umbridge likes to call them, “Filthy Mudblood Whores!” when she is particularly angry. She could barely remember how her parents could look like but she can distinctly remember her older sister calling her a freak for making a wilted flower bloom again. It was really funny how the memories she could remember depicted her being ostracised for being a witch while in the magical world she was hated for being born to those who weren’t magical. It seemed that muggle borns truly were considered anamolies in both worlds with only themselves to turn to.

Alongside the other muggleborn girls, Lily soon learned that they were brought to the ‘Mudhouse’ as they called it for one sole purpose: to learn and accept their future roles of bringing future magical offspring into the world.

Lessons concerning cleaning, childbirth, and how to obey your Pureblood superiors were routinely thought. All of which Lily found herself sleeping through, as shown by the scars in her arms as punishment for doing so. The only academic lesson that was really thought was the History of the British Magical Community, which only really focused on how a crisis regarding the decline in magical births caused by inbreeding resulted in the British Ministry passing the Handmaids’ Act in 1950. Although there was fierce opposition to the bill by those supporting Muggleborn rights such as Albus Dumbledor, Newt Scamander and a few Pureblood families, their voices were squashed by the vast number of families concerned with their future. From the whispers Lily heard around, she found out that muggleborns were already treated ina deplorable manner at best before the Act was passed so many chose to leave the British magical community as soon as they entered for more tolerant communities.

While initially pleased at the decline of muggleborns, karma served to come back ane bite the community’s ass when they learned that lack of new blood led to less powerful offspring and more squibs. Hence one of the clauses in the Handmaid’s Act strictly forbade any muggleborns from leaving the community and moving elsewhere.

“Pshh first they don’t want us, and when they do, it’s purely for our vaginas those fucking psychos”, muttered Lily under her breath.

“Ahem Ahem did you say anything Miss Evans?” Lily turned her head from the window to stare at mocking eyes of the hideous pink monster otherwise known as Dolores Umbridge, the woman in charge for educating muggleborn woman for their future roles as Handmaids. Coincidentally, she was also one of the women who helped to pass the very Act that would lead Lily to living the miserable life she has and the even worse life that awaits her.

Pausing to quickly compose herself after envisioning how it would be like to strangle the woman, Lily quickly shook her head and stood up straighter. Umbridge merely smirked and pointed her wand at Lily.

“As you can see class, this is a prime example of a behaviour that should never be commited near any Pureblood. A muggleborn woman is to stay still and quiet at all times, not letting anyone know of her presence unless required”

“What are we? Humans or statues?” Lily muttered again, causing her companion Mary McDonald to stifle a giggle.

“Miss Evans, for demonstrating that act of behaviour again, you will have to come to my office after this class to receive your punishment”

Umbridge had a wide grin on her face, eerily similar to how the Joker in the Batman Series looked like based on the muggle magazines they were able to smuggle into the building.

The rest of the muggleborns looked sympathetically at Lily who only shrugged,

being used Umbridge’s form of punishments. It was only a matter of time anyway that she was to be sent to a Pureblood household and be forced to have a dozen children.

After class and a whispered ‘good luck ‘ from Mary, Lily trudged herself to Umbridge’s office and waited outside the door. She could hear two female voices from inside the room, one that she could easily point out as being Umbridge who sounded delighted for whatever reason and another voice she couldn’t pick out but sounded pleasant despite the owner of the voice sounding rather annoyed. Lily couldn’t help but be excited after hearing this new mysterious voice, since the only people she could remember interacting with in all her years here were Umbridge, the other muggleborn girls, and the Pureblood guards who liked to leer at her and the other girls every time they walked past.

Finally after nearly plastering herself to the door, Lily could hear footsteps and quickly moved away. Umbridge opened the door and looked slightly confused when she saw her but realisation quickly struck.

“Ahh I apologise Mrs. Potter, you see I had a student who was behaving in a quite atrocious manner you see, if you would like to come another time-“

“Bring her in Umbridge, I would like to see the state you put these girls in”

Lily quickly looked up at the firm but pleasant sounding voice and took a step inside the room after Umbridge ushered her in.

“Ahem well Mrs. Potter this is Lily Evans a fifteen year ol-“

“I’m sixteen”

“ Shush child, yes this girl has unfortunately not been one of my best students. While she may fool you into thinking she is some innocent doe based on how quiet she is, she often displays great acts of disobedience”

Lily knew the irritating woman was not only referring to the minor incident that occurred today but in the past when her magic tended to spiral out of control. While Lily’s fiery personality had slowly died down throughout the years as a result of the oppressive treatment she faced, there was still some fire she held onto. Lily knew she was a powerful witch and she knew Umbridge knew that too despite her constant preaching on why muggleborn women were magically inferior than their Pureblood counterparts. As muggleborns were forbidden from having a wand, Lily developed her skills in wandless magic and using all the information she was able to learn from the outdated magical books dumped in the trash, she was able to perform such a level of magic practically unheard off from a witch with no magically education. Using her knowledge she was able to teach all of the other muggleborns and helped to hone their skills as well. Of course Lily bring Lily, used her knowledge to also annoy the hell out of Umbridge. Vanishing her chair, changing the colour of all of her outfits from pink to a hideous orange, and lifting her skirt when ministry official were sometimes around were some of her favourite tricks. As she she was not using a wand, they couldn’t trace it back to her, but Umbridge always seem to knew it was her and hence made sure Lily was never there when she had an important meeting. Judging from the warning and panicked look in her eye, Lily could practically hear the nasal voice of Umbridge warning her to not embarrass her or else.

Mrs Potter on the other hand seemed perfectly calm and even a bit amused as she appraised Lily. Lily suddenly found herself being self conscious of her appearance. From the past she could also remember children teasing her for her hair colour and many seemed to find the bright green colour of eyes creepy. The ugly red colour of her dress only served to further lower her self esteem infront of the smartly dressed woman infront of her.

“Well aren’t you a pretty one” she remarked, much to Lily’s surprise. Her gaze quickly zeroed on the necklace around her neck.

“That’s a very pretty necklace sweetheart. Who gave it to you?” Not being used to anyone talking to her in such a tone Lily nearly forgot to speak or even move until Umbridge suddenly grabbed the necklace and tore it from her neck.

“Oh forgive me Mrs. Potter, she must have stole it from somewhere! Oh you know muggleborns, can’t trust this lot!” Her highpitched voice combined with the loss of the only item she had of her parents caused a surge of magic to ripple within Lily and in a flash the necklace was back in Lily’s hand.

The sound of a pin dropping was all that could be heard in the room as everyone registered her actions. Lily quickly closed her eyes in terror and awaited the verdict of being sent to Azkaban for simply acting like a witch when the Wizarding world didn’t see her as one.

“Oh Mrs Potter I am so sorry!” Lily never thought she could see someone look so pitiful and gleeful at the same time. The slight curve of Umbridge’s mouth indicated her excitement of finally sending the redhead to the Wizarding prison.

“Don’t you worry Mrs Potter, I will send her right to-“

“I’ll take her”

The elderly stylish woman’s statement was met with incredulous looks from the other two people in the room.

“Wh- What Mrs. Potter please I am sure that there are other more suitable and obedient girls-“

“Enough Mrs Umbridge, I will take this girl and that is final. I would like all the arrangements done by today and I will be here for her tomorrow.”

With that, Euphemia Poter turned to Lily, winked and disappeared through the floo.

#james potter #lily evans #lily potter #jily #james x lily #shylily #harry potter #handmaid’s tale #ilovelilyevans

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liampboyle · 6 years

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Leftism vs Liberalism, about that damn PragerU video

So the anti-capitalist FB page and group I am an admin of recently got accused of spreading right-wing propaganda. The image in question was a meme detailing some of the differences between Leftist and Liberal

This was posted with the caption: "Not 100 percent accurate. They should have added 'leftist will argue about anything.' " The person was more joking about some of the infighting we see between the Marxist-Leninists, the Social Anarchists, and the Individualist Anarchists.

Of course, since Americans use liberal to mean anything to the political left of white supremacist christian theocratic fascism, tying the term liberal to the actual ideology of liberalism tends to cheese people off.

But liberalism is a specific ideology as @realphilosophytube explains here:

Unbeknownst to me, the conservative commentator Dennis Prager had used his PagerU channel to make a video to convince liberals that their real enemy are leftists not conservatives:

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Like any decent quality propaganda it is a mix of both truth (leftism and liberalism are not the same) and blatant falsehoods.

So now I need to go through this list point by point.

1. Racism and Identity Politics:

So, leftists are supposedly the real racists for acknowledging race is actually a thing? Well, biologically and scientifically humans being divisible as separate races was disproven a long time ago. However, race as a social construct is very much a thing. Putting on blinders and refusing to see how the social contruct of race affects how people get treated serves no purpose but to allow systematic racism to continue unopposed. This applies to all forms of systematic discrimination not just systematic discrimination based on race. The liberal view is for a rather shallow view of equality where everyone gets the same supports. The leftist view is for equity, people and communities get differing levels of support depending upon current need, leading to liberation, the removal of all systematic barriers.

Here's an illustration to help explain:

Because of various historical factors different communities need different levels of support. Leftists recognize this most liberals do not.

2. Capitalism

Ok, Prager actually has a point here. Liberalism assumes Capitalism as its economic system, to quote Olly from @realphilosophytube

Leftists do object to the Capitalist concept of private property. We also do draw a distinction between personal property and private property. Basically if you own it and use it for yourself (like your toothbrush) that's fine. If you own it but don't use it (2nd home) that is less legitimate and needs to be justified by something greater than a nebulous concept of legal ownership. If it requires any type of collective effort (the toothbrush factory), or is used to extract any form of economic 'rent' (price paid for usage simply based on legal ownership) than that is private property. This is where leftists get the "rent is theft" saying. So yes, leftists argue for economic systems based on collective, community, or common ownership (Socialism, Communism) not private ownership (Capitalism).

3. Nationalism

Yes, leftists oppose nationalism "No nations, no borders" because we see these artificial political boundaries as nothing more than and effort to divide people who could otherwise unite to throw off the yoke of our real enemy, the bourgeoisie, those who "own" everything, and leave us the choice of work for them or starve and go homeless.

4. View of the United States America

Ok, as leftists in the United States we do recognize that our country functions as an imperialist military power and that the country has a history steeped in racism, genocide, sexism, classism, sexism, and xenophobia. We want to actively correct the damage this has caused. We don't want to destroy this country as much as make it actively work for the betterment of all who live within it. We want an end to military involvement around the world that serves no other purpose than the service of bourgeoisie business interests. All people around the world deserve to be able to live in peace and currently the United States is the single most powerful force working against that goal.

5. Free Speech

Both conservatives and liberals tend to be "free speech abosolutists" meaning anyone can say whatever they want no matter how intolerant or vile. And yes, leftists have an issue with this. We don't care about limiting political viewpoints for debate. Hell, we debate theory constantly, we thrive on it. However, if your viewpoint denies the basic humanity of another group of human beings, we are against that. If you are calling for genocide we oppose that. The left recognizes what is known as the "paradox of tolerance."

The one thing we cannot tolerate is intolerance, hate speech and we will actively deny platforms for this type of speech. We even call it "no platforming." If you are a fascist, if you are preaching hatred, if you are calling for violence, if you are peppering you words with racist or fascist "dogwhistles" we are not going to give you the chance to recruit. And no, we don't call just anyone who doesn't agree with us fascist. We learn to recognize those who espouse the actual doctrines of fascism.

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If you preach doctrines of intolerance leftists have no tolerance for you.

6. "Western Culture"

American conservatives and liberals espouse and sing the praises of "Western Culture." Here's the thing, there is no monolithic culture of the West. There's American culture, English culture, Irish Culture, French culture, Spanish culture, German culture, ... we could even say there's such a thing as Capitalist Consumer culture, but there is no such thing as "Western Culture." The phrase itself is a racist dog whistle used by racist and fascist groups to disguise what they are actually talking about, which is generally some form of white supremacy. Of course, we're against it.

My $0.02

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beinglibertarian · 6 years

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Trump, Ethics, the Left, and North Korea – Freedom Philosophy

I got involved with Being Libertarian mostly out of opposition to Donald Trump. His commitment to deficits, killing civilians, his campaign pledge to ban Muslims and his supporters’ eerie comfort-level with that, all struck me as something a libertarian should oppose. A healthy Trump supporter should stand back and rationally assess his presidential failures, but by the same logic, a healthy Trump critic should stand back and rationally appraise his successes.

Trump has an interesting set of ethics. Prior to his political ambitions, he came to my home province of New Brunswick to articulate his ethics in a speech to our business community. The ethics are very Nietzschean. He explained that when someone is good to him, he tried to be twice as good to them, and when someone wrongs him he tries to harm them doubly so.

The wronging comes across as childish when he’s in a twitter war. Some slight insult to him sets him off in an insurable rage hurling every insult he can fit into 280 characters. But even his doubling up on kindness appears bizarre as when he’s complemented by the likes of the KKK and he has an inability, seemingly stemming from his personal ethics, to insult them in return.

Unbeknownst to leftists (who pride themselves in multiculturalism) in Christian and post-Christian nations – an anathema to Nietzsche – this is actually the way most of the world thinks. If one examines the history of warfare in the Middle East, it’s characterized by intense tribalism. If one member of a tribe kills a member of another tribe, the victimized tribe will go kill two members of the aggressor’s tribe.

In the West, we operate differently. We tend to tolerate small acts of aggression, which come across as a weakness to our aggressors, who gain confidence to continue attacking until some catastrophic attack is carried out at which point we apply maximum force until the enemy is completely destroyed. Pearl Harbor and 9-11 are modern examples.

Trump’s extravagant displays of wealth, which are off-putting to most in the West, actually ingratiate him to most people in the world. His boasts of strength, which we deem dangerous, actually garner him respect. When the left criticizes Trump’s odd behavior (odd by our standards), they’re actually criticizing most of the world.

Contrast Trump with Justin Trudeau’s trip to India. He did everything in his power to show the Indian people he was multicultural and they had no respect for him. He had Indian clothes, he did yoga poses in the Taj Mahal, he did Indian dances, and walked away handing India $750 million Canadian investment and returned with a comparatively low $250 million investment for Canada.

Where JFK, Nixon, Carter, Reagan, Clinton, and Obama all failed, Trump has far surpassed them in North Korean success. There are many unknowns, more hurdles to climb, and more specific goals that require constant measurement of progress or underachievement. However, he started in one of the worst positions with North Korea being more belligerent than it has since the 1950 war, and he achieved more than any other president.

In spite of this success, I was hoping for another appraisal and turned to Trump’s least favorite news network – CNN.

Most headlines were about his gaffes, how this is upsetting allies (which it isn’t), and their objective analysis contained the absurd non-sequitur and irrelevant criticism, “And the carnival atmosphere in Singapore might also keep Robert Mueller’s special counsel investigation out of the headlines for a few more days.”

They want to highlight his failures. They want their consumers to think of Trump as a failure. Deep down if you talk to a Western leftist about Trump’s achievement in North Korea, perhaps one of the greatest triumphs of peace, they would never admit this but both interlocutors know it’s there, there’s a strong part of them that wants to see Trump fail. If they were accused of it they sneer with a typical, “How dare you?!” but deep down, there’s a nagging feeling there.

The reason why the left wants him to fail isn’t because they love war. It’s because they love themselves more than peace. They’re madly in love with their view of the world. They enjoy talking down to others as it elevates themselves.

Socialists will deny the continued global annihilation of poverty at the hands of capitalism because they don’t want to stop preaching. It’s not the cause they love, it’s themselves.

Feminists will deny equality of incomes for new graduates because they don’t want it to be the case. There are Oscar night soapboxes, late-night comedians poking fun at others, their friends sharing memes; this has grown into an organic, self-gratifying, virtue signal.

It isn’t ethics that causes the left to criticize Trump for mocking the disabled reporter, else they would have criticized Obama for bombing a hospital in Yemen filled with disabled people; it’s self-gratification of talking down to one that isn’t their own. Trump’s success means they don’t understand other cultures to the extent they think they do, they don’t have the capacity for diplomacy that they thought they did.

I’ll resume criticizing Trump for his turn to a manufacturing economy during a time of unprecedented automation, his deficits, and his continuing of the brutal war in Yemen; I’ll do that next week. For now, I’m going to enjoy this brief triumph, though it may be false, and at the very least the hope for a better future, and invite the left to leave their world and do the same because if they can’t they’re as awful as Trump who can’t bring himself to praise an enemy or criticize an ally.

The post Trump, Ethics, the Left, and North Korea – Freedom Philosophy appeared first on Being Libertarian.

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violetsystems · 5 years

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#personal

The last week has been the usual crescendo of heinous mistakes peppered with small victories. I opened up another checking account. I had my debit card for three days until its mysterious disappearance. I can never be quite sure these days. When you have near six packages stolen in a row, you tend to be a little more vigilant. I locked the card in the app and got another one reissued. The credit union waived the fee. In general shifting to a credit union has been one of the more adult financial victories I’m proud of. A lot of people have their reasons. Mine are always political. Even if nobody ever listens to a word I say. Maybe these victories are small to other people but they are the core of what I do naturally. Times like these everything is thrown at me at once. If you aren’t in sync with the rhythm of it all you’ll get distracted. Sometimes I think people intentionally try to throw me off. This is especially true when I’m exhausted and my emotional defenses are down. Other times I think people just want to make me angry so I look bad. Sometimes it feels less organized than I make it out to be. There’s certainly a lot of pressure put on me every day. People have these expectations of me now in public that aren’t at all clear to me. There was a paper that came through my feed about cities and compassion. The gist was that cities like to preach inclusivity and compassion to attract development and money. But when it comes to actual compassion and engagement it’s often the opposite and haphazard in practice. It’s particularly easy to notice in Chicago if you travel the city beyond two or three specific neighborhoods. If you know the difference between Chatham and Lawndale beyond geography, you know more than half the city. There’s been much written about the concept of “two Chicagos.” People are always quick to mention our gun problem but never our cultural disparities. I’ve often called out some of the divide just by traveling by myself. I have my own degree of compassion and responsibility for the city I live in. Lately it’s not been a totally amazing experience. Somebody asked me how I’d been these last few months. I said it both sucked and ruled at the same time. Though at this point of my life you’d figure it’d just rule hard and be done with it. Which truth be told I’ve been making a lot of decisions lately how to make it suck less. Making serious changes can be exhausting especially when it feels like no one cares about your progress. Which is where small victories aren’t so small when it comes to you making the effort for yourself.

There’s always this paradox in relationships where you want to be something for the other person. People often think they can figure it out. How you can impress someone or attract their attention. There must be some way. And the real way everybody always replies back with flippantly is just be yourself. Like it is so easy to be you. For the record I feel like it has become easier to be me. It is never easy to live. To wake up every day and breathe knowing full well that the world is going to try to choke it all out of you one penny at a time. I’ve become less sensitive to the weight of things in this world it’s true. It leaves more room to be far more sensitive and focused on other things. I always thought that becoming the best me I could be would be optimal. Sometimes that’s not what people want. Sometimes that’s on them. Sometimes your version of the best you needs more revision. If it frustrates you to become something for somebody else then maybe there’s something in that. I used to think becoming a musician was the only way people would take me seriously. Until I looked at the financial side of it. I used to think that owning all these obscure and expensive pieces of clothing would set me apart. Now I know those clothes don’t wear themselves. A four hundred dollar Gildan t-shirt fits the same as a twenty dollar one. Though there are cases for everything. I used to spend so much money eating out. I still spend a fair amount on coffee though it comes with it’s own price. I can barely leave my house without someone having some idea of who or what I am. It gets annoying when you are exhausted, tired and grumpy. The truth is maybe you become something in stages. There’s little tests at the end of each chapter that are like forks in the road. The more you stay focused on your own personal narrative, the more you feel like yourself. You have control over the good and the bad. People don’t like when narratives clash particularly in the case of when it makes another person look bad. So there are times when I feel like people would rather ignore me than address the problem as to how I got to this point. They just want to look me in the eye and say “are you cool?” Yes for the record I am totally cool. That just comes with the territory I define by being myself. It’s another thing entirely realizing that you should stop searching and start being. Sometimes you wake up and realize you already are that person. Continuing to be that for some people depends on their stability. And we live in shaky times at best.

I question myself often. Sometimes I feel like I read into things too much and other times not enough. I’ve made it an active process to be consistent in the ways I challenge things. I sat here for years writing these meticulous journals about how I thought about things. At times maybe it sounded more emotionally vulnerable. These days it’s more about being open and transparent when appropriate. There are times when people question what it is you do and why. It is always hard to know the agenda behind it. When I question myself I’m trying to become better at being me. Only I know really how to go about that. Over time through sharing I think people have grown to trust me in that respect. I would never betray that trust and would be haunted by the fact if I did. These are things that people have grown to respect about me. And then there are people who never listen or pay attention who always have an opinion about what it is I’ve done. That never goes away. People poking and prodding at chips in the armor. Looking for some sort of intel on you that they can use to foil your plans and dreams. Why do people like to sabotage everything you do? I’m learning these days that it is not always Machivellian in nature. Or at least nobody would openly admit it. Most of the time if you could confront people on their mistreatment you get a familiar excuse. It was an accident. Is the universe secretly plotting against me as a result. I don’t know that I’m sensitive enough to care at this point. Maybe they are just incapable of accepting responsibility for their actions that hurt you. Imagine a zombie apocalypse that is so subtle they barely notice the difference between the dead and the living. To me it’s always plain as day. And in some ways I don’t really trust anything but my own intuition. And in that sense I don’t ever jump to conclusions or move without some sort of game plan. When I move ahead or succeed it’s usually muted. It’s always something only I can see. There is an unfortunate reality to this. I am almost always alone in theory. Except that I know people have been watching this consistency now for years. If I feel more like myself I can only imagine what other people see in me. That is to say I don’t really know anything for sure other than it’s no small victory to be yourself. To be the best you is sometimes taking the good with the bad yes. It doesn’t mean you should tolerate anything less than what you deserve. But it does also mean you can always be a better you. The best that you can be is honest. With yourself and the people you love. With your plans to make that happen. One small victory at a time. One letter at a time written in the sky apparently too. <3 Tim

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sweetcatastrophex · 5 years

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dealing with lance is reminding me that no matter what a person says to you, or how they behave, you can’t let them take you out of character. practicing meditation and mindfulness has helped me become much more self-aware, especially in times of challenge or discomfort, taught me how to stop reacting immediately and impulsively when something upsetting or frustrating happens, and helped me become more conscious of what triggers me in the first place. recognizing these things and facing them head-on is what’s helped. i learned that you have to acknowledge your weaknesses and struggles to grow. you have to confront them, put them in a chokehold and squash them. you have to recognize them and put in the work to change your habits. and in order to reduce their power over you. even just talking about it reduces the power it has over you. jake has helped me with this, as he’ll call me out when i start to shift into a mode where i react on impulse and only perpetuate negativity. i snap out of it and say sorry, and explain that stress caused me to do it (although i’ve been feeling like that’s excuse-making but i do feel like i’m explaining myself and not trying to defend my behavior). bc when you think about it, it’s just not productive or constructive in any way to raise your voice and be rude to another person because you’re overwhelmed or stressed, to scream at your laptop when it isn’t working, etc... it does not excuse disrespecting someone. it does not make the laptop work better. and while it sometimes is natural to react this way we have to learn to stop acting on impulses and instead be mindful and see where the root of our feelings are coming from. then we can analyze them, address them and grow. tending to these feelings is doing the mental work that will improve your lifestyle and help you lead a more “intentional” life. if i sound like i’m being preach-y i’m really mostly just saying this for myself. and back to my point about acknowledging your weaknesses and triggers.. doing the opposite — ignoring them, running from them, pretending they don’t exist — is a recipe for disaster. you’re cheating yourself and most likely affecting relationships you have with people. and talking to lance tonight has really tested my patience and all the work i’ve been putting in recently to be in control of my mental state. (the calm app has helped me a bunch and is a great resource. i don’t see a therapist although i wish i did.) there were so many times i wanted to take the bait and be mean back to him, bc he said some really nasty and accusatory things to me that weren’t true and very upsetting. but i stopped and thought about it before responding impulsively. i would re-read the texts i typed out and then asked myself, is this really what i want to say? what am i trying to get across? what am i trying to communicate to this person? and i would re-read my texts again and realize that i sounded mean, too harsh, and that i would be getting nowhere if i sent them because no one wants to be talked to like that, that’s not how you get through to people. i am done with reciprocating bad energy because it’s expected. i will meet your hatred with kindness. i refuse to be brought down to your level. there are healthy, constructive ways to address a disagreement or an issue. calling each other names and insulting each other is not one of them. it gets both of you nowhere. all it does is cause pain and brings you further apart. then you might even build resentment towards this person, which is a slow-release poison. and i’m just not interested in that. i refuse to associate with that. only positivity and growth here. if not, please keep moving. “be careful with how much you tolerate. you’re teaching them how to treat you.” “what you allow is what will continue.” i also feel like he’s lying to himself about a lot of things, but that goes back to my point about confronting your struggles and weaknesses. and a former friend of mine used to be the same way. they ran from their struggles. and i tried to help but “you can bring a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.” not to mention that he should be happy for me. like yes obviously he’s able to be upset over everything that happened, but i just gave him space for months, because he promised he would get over it and be able to be friends again. and he should be happy that i have found an extremely fulfilling, wholesome and pure love with jake. i’m ecstatic about our love, so grateful to have found it (so organically) and feel so lucky to be with someone who brings me so much joy on a daily basis. i love him so much and it’s not a fleeting feeling of infatuation, it’s lasting and it’s real and raw and honest and sweet. jake is living proof, a reminder, that true love is meant to come easy. if lance really does love me like he says he does then he would accept the reality of my relationship with jake and be happy for me. this is what real love is — being genuinely happy for a person, for their happiness, even if you’re not in the equation. i learned this a long time ago. he’s just not there yet. so friendly reminder that people who are not happy for you when you do what’s best for you are not really your friends. genuine friends support you. “you’re gonna piss off a lot of people when you start doing what’s best for you.” set some boundaries and see how people react — it’s very telling. it’s unfortunate but i’ll take things with lance as an L. i give up because he’s being extremely immature. i tried, i genuinely tried my best, multiple times. that’s all i can do and so now i’m moving on and taking the loss. it’s a shame. now if only he will pay me the hundreds of $$ he owes me.. that’s another story. right now i’m focusing on keeping the space around me sacred — only allowing in people who are good for my mental health. “pay attention to who you’re with when you’re feeling your best.” @werenotreallystrangers. it took me a longgg time to realize that the people who are good for you will bring out the best in you. i always wondered why i found myself in screaming fits with my mom and sister, but never with my aunt, uncle, never with my close friends.. i thought the common denominator was me, but i realized that my mom and sister are irrational people who don’t have good grips on their mental state, and things became more clear to me. it can even be your family members. it skewed my perception of myself, in a negative way. i viewed myself as someone who would resort to yelling, even though i never needed to yell when i was having a disagreement with a friend. we were able to maturely talk it out like rational, mature adults and be constructive about it. i noticed the disparity and began questioning it. i would ask, why do arguments with my mom go one way, and ones with my friends go completely another? and i feed off of peoples’ energy so much that it’s hard for me to refrain from shifting to their wavelength, stooping down to their level and yelling back, being mean back, etc. but resisting to do that is something i’m working on. and it’s not fair that some people don’t address their mental health issues but we have to learn to adapt in some cases. and sometimes i slip, and i’ll yell or be mean, and i have been coming to terms with forgiving myself when that happens. i have to remember it’s a slow process. i have to remember my true character through these difficult times that remove me from the present and remove me from my true self. “i’m more me when i’m with you” — a quote i’ve been thinking about lately that makes me think of jake. i’m so grateful for the people in my life who lift me up. i won’t be held back anymore. we’re only going up from here.

#thoughts #growth #living an intentional life #l

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seyaryminamoto · 7 years

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How does Sokka and Azula make sense? Not bashing just confused. I have attempted, really, REALLY attempted to read the fanfiction with them but I can't fathom it. Personally I can see Azula and Aang or Azula and Ty Lee better...

Oh, boy. Gotcha, I understand you’re not bashing, but this is going to be hard to explain if that’s what you think makes a better match for Azula.

What I’m getting from your preferences is that this really is a matter of tastes. You may be choosing Ty Lee and Aang over their gentleness, maybe? You think they’re happy, they’re sweet, so they’re ideal counterweights to Azula’s cold, abrasive nature? If that’s what you’re thinking, naturally you won’t see how Sokka and Azula make sense. This may be how you’re looking for Azula’s “happy ending”, if we may call it that, and I’ll say there’s nothing wrong with you thinking that way, Anon. You are allowed to have your own opinions and shipping tastes, regardless of what they may be.

But, alas, as it must be obvious, I find Azula’s “happy ending” can be very different from what Ty Lee or Aang could provide, and it happens to be extremely fulfilling for me to see Azula and Sokka together instead. Below, a longer explanation of why I choose Sokka and Azula over any other ship for them.

For starters, it must be obvious that I disagree with you. I absolutely adore Sokkla, with the force of a thousand suns, and I’ve never found a pair that suits each other as well as Sokka and Azula do. And I mean in any other fandom, too. Matter of tastes indeed, but this is how it’s been for me up to date.

So, of course, that means I find other Azula ships to be less satisfactory than Sokkla. And here I’ll explain a few things where, in my opinion, Sokka surpasses Ty Lee and Aang as partners for Azula:

Personally, I don’t like Ty Lee’s history with Azula. While Ty Lee can be very sweet, she also has proven to be one character (along with Mai, truth be told) who can lie to Azula’s face and Azula will swallow it all without having any clue of what’s going on. Ty Lee has learned how to lull Azula into false senses of security, and she betrayed Azula, something Azula will have a lot of trouble getting over, if she ever does. The way I see it, Ty Lee and Azula would have no walk in the park fixing this relationship, because Azula’s likeliness to trust her friend again isn’t very good. Especially when Ty Lee, canonically, isn’t interested in fixing this relationship. So… as I see it, canonically, Ty Lee’s dishonesty is a major problem that won’t be easy for Azula to overcome. While she could be very loving if she feels like it, the show (and then the comics) press that Ty Lee doesn’t really feel like being loving with Azula, at least ever since Azula yanked her out of the circus.

Sokka doesn’t offer the same problem. Sokka is ridiculously honest, blunt to the point of insensitive: this is something I personally think Azula needs. He won’t pull his punches, he’ll tell her what he truly thinks about anything. Whether she’s going about things right, whether she’s going about them wrong, he won’t hesitate to tell the truth because he also has a very bad sense of self-preservation. I mean, Azula shoots a fireball at him and yet he still stands there waving at Ty Lee because she smiled at him? In clear shot? So yes, no self-preservation. He’d tell Azula blunt truths and only think “Oops, she didn’t take that well” a little too late.

But the thing is, Azula would appreciate his brutal honesty. Her closest friends lied to her, betrayed her, chose someone else over her. If someone like Sokka, honest to no end, picks HER? She knows he’s for real. She may think he’s wrong to want a monster, may hesitate, may be unsure of how this will work out, but she’s going to know he means it. It’s not going to be empty words or shallow promises with him. This in particular is something I emphasize as a quality Sokka provides in this relationship that is hardly paralleled by any other ships (also, if he ever did try to lie about anything it’d be obvious too, so Azula would be able to tell immediately, that’s how I write it anyways).

And the loving aspect Ty Lee provides is something Sokka could provide too. Just look at him in his relationship with Yue, how he defends her even when Toph wasn’t even attacking her outright. If you ask me, Azula deserves someone like that. Someone who’d stand up for her regardless of whether she’s listening or not. Someone whose dedication to her is absolutely genuine. And Sokka can very easily be that someone, if their relationship is developed properly, of course.

Now, as for Aang, does sound reasonable to some degree that the most morally and ethically correct character would influence one of the more morally corrupt ones, I guess? But the thing is that Aang’s morality is very… uh, extreme, I’d say. Azula has always been ends-justify-the-means, and I don’t think Aang could tolerate this easily at first (which would make relationship development a lot more complicated for them). Aang didn’t want to kill Ozai at all, refused to (although, uh, he kinda has killed other nameless people before, surely, soooo… that was kinda hypocritical, but the show let it slide), and he also reacted explosively when the others insisted that it was the only way (sure, they were wrong, but at the time they seemed to be right). Whether Aang is ethically correct or incorrect, the fact of the matter remains that he’s very strict with his sense of morality.

Meanwhile, Sokka’s morals are top-notch if you ask me, even though he doesn’t see the world in black and white. He dares trust a Fire Nation old man from as early as episode 10, and he challenges Jet because he knows is doing the wrong thing. This isn’t to say Sokka is exempt from making morality mistakes, but he’s usually a lot less preachy about his ethics, too. He has his principles, but he doesn’t really force them on anyone. He tried to convince Katara not to kill Yon Rha because he knows it won’t bring their mother back, but he doesn’t hesitate about doing what needs to be done to protect his friends and family. He will blow up a bunch of tanks off the Northern Air Temple if he has to. He will kill Combustion Man. He will tear down all the airships he can if it means stopping them from burning down the Earth Kingdom.

The basic difference is that Sokka doesn’t LIKE resorting to drastic measures, but he will do it if he thinks there’s no other choice. Aang instead won’t ever want to resort to those drastic measures, and if backed into those situations he’ll likely always try to find another way out. The way I see it, Aang’s strict mentality that won’t accept murder, for instance, as a resource to put an end to a menace or two, won’t sit well with Azula. Instead of leading her to rethink her own ethics, it can lead her to dismiss him as childish, innocent, idealistic and whatnot, and as I said above, this would cause rifts between them. Sokka, instead, will kill if death is the only way (but he will always choose another way if there’s another one). His cold blood in these regards is not too different from Azula’s: but his morality is a lot better than hers. In matters where she might think “If the enemy won’t comply then we threaten them…”, Sokka will stop her if he can think of another alternative to achieve success. And she will listen to the alternative, because maybe it can be more effective than what she wants to do. But Sokka won’t stop her with “No, this is so wrong!” but rather, “You don’t have to go to those extremes when this is a perfectly feasible alternative where nobody gets hurt”.

Sokka serves as a moral influence on Azula really well, if you ask me, because of how much of a pragmatist he can be. In those regards, he won’t be too different from her. But he will never pass a sentence on someone just on the basis of where they came from (old man from the Fire Nation, as an example), he won’t preach morality in a strict way even if he will certainly try to stop her from making bad mistakes and treating people wrongly. But she likely won’t feel like he’s a goody-two-shoes, the way she might with Aang. And I think that would make her a lot more receptive to what Sokka would say about morality than what Aang would.

But there are also other reasons why I suspect she’d listen to Sokka, and respect him, and it’s involved with one of the most powerful reasons why, I think, people ship Sokka and Azula: They have a huge number of things in common!

First off, their families are fairly similar, only, Sokka’s isn’t a toxic mess while Azula’s is. The two of them admire their fathers (as usual, let’s not focus on the awful things Azula’s dad did…), gravitated towards them instead of their mother, from the looks of it. And they are the trouble-making, teasing siblings. Sokka will mess with Katara a lot, usually gets bitten back for it, Azula will tease Zuko to no end and Zuko explodes: both Sokka and Azula are, thus, the pragmatic, intelligent siblings with a sense of humor to siblings who are emotion-oriented, constantly striving to do the right thing, and whatnot.

So, their families are similar, and also they both have sense of humor. A major, seriously important factor, though, is intelligence. Sokka and Azula are both the smartest people in their respective groups (which, interesting, also turns them into the leaders). Azula certainly seems smarter, going by how her long-scale plans tend to pay off flawlessly, but therein lies the difference, the way I see it: Sokka likes long-term plans but he’s not so good at executing them. Instead, the show presents us a Sokka who can improvise rather quickly, who can analyze situations very fast and come up with solutions to handle every obstacle on the way. So, we have two tacticians here, but different kinds of tacticians: she’s good for long-term planning, he’s good for short-term. Imagine the unbelievably badass team such pair would make in a battlefield. I tell you, not a lot of people could stand against such leadership and tactical power.

But of course, there’s a lot they’re not equals on. Their origins are vastly different, and even though Sokka is somewhat a prince, he was raised humbly while Azula wasn’t. Water Tribe, Fire Nation, bender, non-bender. But see, curiously Azula doesn’t discriminate races or nations. At most she is classist, since she does call others “peasants”, but she takes the Dai Li into her service just fine because she sees how useful they can be. She discards a whole procession of firebenders and chooses to travel and finish her mission with two non-benders. So, if anyone’s thinking “She’d never want a Water Tribe non-bender”, the evidence really says the opposite. She’d be able to see what he has to offer, no matter his origins or lack of bending.

The encounter during the Eclipse also speaks for something that I don’t even need to headcanon as a possibility. Azula notices Sokka’s leadership, singles him out as the one who needs to be stopped. She might have tried a different strategy if she had seen Aang was the leader (like “At this moment, my forces are preparing to attack as soon as the sun is clear again, and your precious friends won’t survive… that is, unless you help them now instead of playing around with me”, for instance). She doesn’t. She goes for Sokka. And Sokka pushes her to that wall, glaring at her with defiance, and she responds with the same challenge in her eyes. Fact is, he’s not afraid right then and there. He’s fierce, he’s strong, and she’s seeing into the eyes of a man who will stand up to her if need be. Only when she attacks does he back off, and even when she ran he briefly wanted to stop her before realizing he’d made a terrible mistake by falling for her trap.

What this scene makes me think, in conjunction with the Boiling Rock’s fight, where Sokka and Zuko fight her, is that Azula would have no trouble in genuinely respecting Sokka, just the way she respects Mai, for instance. Sokka actually could have killed her in Boiling Rock, you know? There are moments where he’s just holding Space Sword inches away from her face or throat. Azula struggles keeping him at bay, and you can see he’s making her struggle. Basically: respect. As a warrior, as a leader, as a rival tactician, Azula absolutely would grow to respect Sokka because she already did in the show. And frankly, this sort of intellectual-warrior-respect bond isn’t something I can see in her canon or potential relationships with any other character in the show. This level of equal standing between them, the whole fact that the Day of Black Sun turns out to be Sokka vs. Azula (both physically and intellectually, since it’s his plan vs. her response to his plan), it tells you there’s potential. Lots of it.

Now, I cannot and will not deny they’ll butt heads, A LOT. Something else they have in common is stubbornness, no doubt. Neither Aang or Ty Lee are this stubborn, so maybe this is one of the reasons why you feel those two would match Azula better. Thing is, if Sokka and Azula find a rhythm, figure out how to handle their differences, how to balance each other, they make a brilliant match regardless of their stubbornness (if anything they get like Gladiator Sokkla as they are right now: their conflicts become lighter, sillier, and they just love it). I, personally, write them to make this happen. I write Sokkla to give them balance, not for one to overcome the other in any way. I want them equals, never uneven.

Truth is, the reason I jumped fully on board with Sokkla was because I ended up concluding this was the relationship that, if handled well, could make Azula the happiest. Sokka would get her, you know? He’d influence her in regards of morality, encourage her towards being better, but not by preaching how to be a model citizen to her, and he’d also be a challenge in regards of intellect: just imagine the board games, the two of them testing each other, working to beat one another and figuring out the other’s weaknesses and strengths. Sparring-wise, Sokka already proved in canon that he can be a challenge to her, and Azula is clearly aware of how deadly his sword is. Whether you do what I did, by having it so Azula hadn’t be taught how to use swords and Sokka teaches her, or whether you make it so she always knew, they can spar and have lots of fun with that too. And heck, a recent headcanon I thought of was Hakoda, Sokka and Azula having a bad jokes competition that everyone else flees from (it is known Hakoda and Sokka have the same sense of humor).

In short, I see a future with Azula and Sokka that holds endless adventure for them. If their potential wasn’t this great, I assure you, Anon, I would have never written a fic of the size of Gladiator. I’m nowhere near done with it. There’s so much story to tell with these two, and it’s amazing to rewrite ATLA completely with these two at the center.

(Also, I answered another ask about why I think Sokkla is the perfect match for Sokka, and not just for Azula, so if you’re interested in that side of the matter, here you go. Better than repeating myself.)

You are allowed not to ship Sokkla, nobody will stone you, nobody will be disappointed in you (plus, you’re anonymous, so who’d even know? xD). If you don’t see it after all I wrote here, that’s fine. If you still think Ty Lee or Aang make better matches for Azula, that’s fine. People can indeed agree to disagree and not clash about it, right? Only, if you follow me you should know (if you haven’t realized it yet) that I’ll always be posting Sokkla, so I warn you already that, um, you may not enjoy yourself much here if you can’t wrap your head around the ship. But really, you may just be like I am with Toph and Sokka. I have never been able to ship that, even though I tried at first. It just doesn’t work for me on some fundamental level, so if that’s what’s going on with you and Sokkla, I get it. Just, keep in mind the reasons I described are as valid as anyone else’s ideas for shipping Azula with someone else. I think the amount of fanfiction that has been written for them speaks for itself regarding how much potential Sokkla has.

Anyways, thank you for coming into my askbox to ask this out of genuine interest, and I hope my answer wasn’t rude in any way.

#anon #also in case anyone misunderstands #this ask has been waiting to be answered for weeks #it's not involved with what's happened the last two days

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gobigorgohome2016 · 7 years

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Staying Injury Free

A few days ago one of Dave’s former college teammates stayed with us. He and I talked shop, and he was especially curious about my high mileage and durability, given that he had been plagued with mileage-related injuries for most of his running career. He made the comment that I must be very biomechanically sound, and I laughed. While I have worked hard to fix a lot of my inefficiencies, 15 of the past 17 years of running I had pretty bad form.

On a shakeout the other day, Dave and I were talking about possible reasons why I have been fortunate to be relatively injury-free, drawing upon my 7-years of being injury-free in middle school and high school, my 5 years of being mostly injured in college, and then the previous 6 years where I have had two injuries: a calf strain that was directly related to rolling out of bed, hungover, and going immediately for a dehydrated run in high heat and humidity after 4 hours of sleep, and an “up the chain” injury that resulted from poor dorsii flexion in my ankle, causing compensations in my knee/hip. I consider both of those to be somewhat freak injuries, different than if I were to have sustained a stress fracture or tendonitis.

Anyway, I noticed that a lot of people have posted on social media that one of their new year’s resolutions is to be injury free in 2017. Listed here are some of the factors that I think have helped me be pretty durable throughout my running career.

I Have Good Genes First and foremost, I’m sure genetics play a huge role. If you know my family, you’re probably like, umm, really, good genes? Isn’t everyone in your family sick? While the answer is yes, my dad has regenerative super healing powers that have made him last much longer than he probably should have. For instance, 5 years ago he had congestive heart failure. This past year, cardiologists at mayo clinic announced the heart failure to be a fluke [this is not normal]. His primary mayo clinic doctor has also marveled numerous times that he seems to have super healing abilities when it comes to surgeries and other procedures. I am convinced that I have some of his recovery abilities. My mom is also pretty hardy, which shouldn’t be surprising considering she claims she was a pioneer in her past life and will be a farrier (horse shoer) in her next life. (note: my mom is afraid of horses). If you don’t have good genes, it helps to figure out your deficiencies. Do all of your family members suffer from low bone density? Calcium supplements and strength training may be a good way to mitigate these issues.

I Run on Soft Surfaces In middle school and high school I only ever ran on soft surfaces, thanks to the nearby Indiana Dunes and a coach who was willing to drive us out there every day. My only injury-free year of college also consisted primarily of soft-surface running. I do think that one reason for my injuries the rest of the time in Milwaukee was due to running on A LOT of concrete. Post-college, I returned to trails and crushed limestone, and it was a great transition for my legs. Now, 75%+ of my running is on trails or crushed gravel.

I’m Lazy I have said it before and I will say it again: I don’t love running for the sake of running. For me, training is a necessary evil so that I can do what I truly enjoy, which is race. Therefore, my brain is always looking for a way out. If I have the slightest niggle, sniffle, or prolonged muscle soreness, I take a day off or cut my run short. The focus is on being able to race for me, not painfully powering through a run just so that I can write it down in my running log.

Good Coaching The more that I talk to others, the more I am realizing how much a coach shapes the early stages of a runner’s development. I was very fortunate that my high school coach (who is also my current coach) preached the importance of getting to the starting line healthy. I have always understood that health > hitting all of your workouts. I distinctly remember my junior year of high school going over my running log with my coach and being proud of the fact that I had run 100 days in a row. I told him about how I almost didn’t make it because I had a week where my calves were absolutely destroyed and I didn’t really want to do my Sunday run, but didn’t want to give up my streak. In my 16 year old dumb head I thought I was being smart and awesome, but instead he told me I should have called him that day and he would have told me to rest. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that my junior track season was relatively my worst out of all of high school.

Sponsorship One thing that has surprised me is that I’m more cautious with my training now that I have sponsorship and am on elite ambassador teams. I truthfully would have thought it would be the other way around. But, while no sponsor or ambassador program has said this to me, I know that I am worth more as an athlete to be running high level races than to not be running at all. If that means taking a day off here or there to rehab an injury, then I am more likely to do so than I was 5 year ago. I also realize that getting invited to run big events sometimes depends on whether I have raced recently, and staying healthy & racing often is as much a business decision as it is something I enjoy.

I Ignore Pace I, like 99.9% of runners, don’t need to be told to speed up. I will run the pace that’s right for me and my body on any given day. So, unless I’m running a long run or a workout, I don’t wear my GPS. I simply map a route for the mileage and run. I see it way too often where people don’t like the pace they see on their watch (even though it’s the right pace for the day) so they speed up and stress their bodies unnecessarily. If I am wearing watch, I tend to run “Badger Miles,” where I just assume I’m running 8 minute pace. Most times I’m running faster, but sometimes I’m running slower, too. Since I run primarily on trails, it’s silly to keep a GPS going anyway.

I’m Flexible Case in point: over the weekend, I raced a 5k, lifted afterwards, and then ran a 20 miler in the mud the next day, which usually doesn’t bother me but left me very, very sore come Sunday night. Instead of doing my planned 20 x 200 m on Tuesday, I am heading out in an hour to run the workout, feeling way better now than I did yesterday. While there are times you should run on tired legs, I’m not at that part in my training cycle. Being flexible in terms of when I train, and allowing myself ample recovery, is a huge part of staying injury-free. This is also why I purposely don’t train with others. If there were set workout days, I would have a difficult time putting the needs of my body over my ego.

I Sleep I 1000% get that not everyone has the luxury to sleep as much as I do. But, a lot of people could stand to cut back on mileage in order to increase sleep, and this wouldn’t hurt their fitness (it would do the opposite). A rule of thumb that I love: add 10 minutes of sleep for every 10 miles of weekly running. Therefore, if you run 50 miles per week, add 50 minutes of sleep each night to your base level. For me, even when I’m not running, I need 7 - 8 hours of sleep. That means I need 8.5 - 9.5 hours of sleep per night, which is pretty accurate considering I tend to average 9 hours of sleep when I don’t set an alarm. Figure out the best balance of sleep and mileage for your routine.

I Eat More and more I realize how lucky I am that my mother never restricted her diet, never restricted my diet, and planned our meals based on the dessert she wanted to serve that night. Growing up, I subsisted on a midwestern diet based on the strict GI needs of my father (who no longer has a colon and can only eat easy-to-digest foods). We ate a lot of simple foods: meat, potatoes, fish, cooked veggies, and gravies, as well as apple crisps, pies, and shortcakes. Baking powder biscuits, of which the primary ingredient is crisco, was a staple in our household. 2% milk was served with every meal. I grew up strong and well-fueled, with a healthy attitude towards meal time.

I Get the Science A big aggravating factor I see in athletes when it comes to injury is not wanting to take a day or two off due to fear of losing fitness or gaining weight. Both of these points are moot, and there is plenty of science to back them up. For one, if you take 7 days off and do absolutely nothing, you will only lose a negligible percentage of your VO2 max, which won’t matter unless you are an elite athlete at the very peak of your training cycle. Two, you are more likely to lose “weight”, in the form of decreased inflammation, if you take a short period of time off and rehab your body.

I Make the Right Investments Self care is important, whether that means going to yoga, foam rolling, doing stretching/strengthening activities at home, going to PT regularly (and keeping up with the exercises), or massage therapy. For me, all of these are important in keeping myself injury free. While paying for all of these can be difficult at times, it is definitely worth it to me to take care of my body.

I Have Poor Pain Tolerance To go along with making the right investments, I have to pay for those things because my pain tolerance for every day training isn’t very good (races are another story). I get legit depressed if I’m in pain while I run, so I just take a few days off so that I can only run pain free.

I Had a Long Build Up If you follow my blog, you only know part of the story. I was NOT always a high mileage runner. In fact, I never hit a 70 mile week in my life until 2011, and I didn’t hit a 100 mile week until late 2015. In college I never got above 60 mpw. Unpopular opinion: I take issue with the year-end “I ran x number of miles this year” posts because, IMO, they cause more harm than good. If you didn’t run your highest mileage ever, you’re going to be down on yourself. It also perpetuates the idea that more is more, when more is not more. I ran 600 fewer miles in 2016 than 2015 and was arguably more fit. Mileage doesn’t tell the whole story, and starting the new year hell-bent to beat a previous mileage high is a great way to get injured.

I Strength Train I will be the first to admit that I have never appreciated the art of strength training until recently. I stopped doing any form of strength completely between 2010 and 2016, and I will be the first to admit that I was VERY lucky not to have more serious problems than some hamstring tendonopathy. Now that I’m back to regular strength and core work, I can say with absolute certainty that it has helped me overcome some biomechanic issues that have contributed to aches and pains in the past.

#injuryfree2017

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find-your-rp-partner · 7 years

Text

The title was optional they said

Hi everyone~

Before introducing myself, you need to know that English is not my first langage, as such there may be grammar mistakes here and there. Also it's my first time going out of my comfort zone by throwing my announcement on a RP tumblr, so be sure I will be delighted to receive your answer! And feel free to ask me further questions if I am not clear enough about my requirements.

About me: I'm Crys (old RP username used for this announcement only as I'm not at ease with using my real name/username off the bat), 25 yo-ung maiden living in the Central European Time (UTC+1). I started RPing 5 years ago, with long pauses in-between due to my studies. I am currently in quite a demanding course and tried to go back to RPing in a group (chat and such) which didn't fit me anymore. Even though I'm loaded with work, I need this little spark of joy upon receiving the next answer to in intense action, you feel me? And I want to be able to at least deliver 1-2 replies a day, and surely more if I'm hyped!

Roleplay style: I write in third person, past/present tense in paragraphs. I mostly - not to say only- RP through Skype. I caaaan work with google docs but hmm, Skype has my preference. My length ranges from two paragraphs to one page if I'm inspired, and depending of the situation (an introduction scene will have more details for example). Be sure that if you give me more I'll do my best to give you back the equivalent, but won't settle for one-two sentences, please.

The range of sexual orientation and gender of my characters is wide enough for the both of us to find our joy: m/m, m/f, f/f, I'm open to anything as long as the chemistry is present.

I'd lie if I said I didn't enjoy writing smut. I do. I'm kinky. Infact a great part of my characters tend to be heavily sexual. Either a one smut scene or a makeout included in a larger plot, both are much appreciated. I can write both doms and subs but as long as we can switch to freshen things up.

Talking about plots, I love world building, god that's my jam. And plotting. A LOT. With my partner obviously ! Despite my first awkwardness once I open up the only limit is our imagination (and time). Only preaching the converted here, if you're not into developing an universe then I'm not the one you're looking for.

Far from being the most proficient in English out there, I still believe in my writing skills. What settles me appart, maybe, is the focus on psychology and personal introspection. Detailing what said character is aware of, suspecting, not even realizing, all these are my trademarks. Except some heavy internal struggles and an attention on physical language to give out hints about what's going on in their little brains.

I promise nothing as I don't want to be contacted solely to receive free doodles, but I'm also an amateur artist, and when I'm into a RP I may flood you with doodles (and will introduce my charas to you with a drawing of them for you to picture them).

Fandoms or Originals : Originals. OC x OC only, the rest is a no-no. I'm in a lot of fandoms but not active enough to tackle fandom RPs. However AUs heavily influenced by a pre-existing setting are always interesting to tackle !

I'm open to any setting as long we both have our word to say to where the plot is going but I'm currently more into superheroes, modern witchcraft, mafia, slice-of-life. I also enjoy fantasy an sci-fi though my knowledge of these genres needs an improvement. I'm quite open to anything if asked. In fact it's quite difficult to list all my likes as I'm often triggered during a chat with the perfect idea for a precise configuration, so I won't flood there, we will both decide together.

What I'm looking for: you like discovering another RPer's characters, their universe, what they can bring to you ? You are enthusiastic, available and open to world building? 80% of my requirements are checked. You must be at least 21+ (otherwise it will be very, VERY awkward).

The ideal scenario ? We get to know each other, we plot one or two duos of muses, then some side characters come along. I have A LOT of characters and I prefer switching from one to another from time to time. They can all be inserted in the same story. I will adapt to your characters and select from mine those which will fit both our needs.

Limits : as a POC and someone engaged, a clear lack of diversity (race, sexual orientation, body, ability, etc) can be a turn-off. I won't ask for a [insert said diversity] quota, but I truthfully see a lack of representation as an absence of imagination and skills. To me it means you're not open to have a broad range of point of views on life and the struggles coming with them.

Absolute turn-off are anything related to extreme kinks such as pedophilia, mpreg, beastiality, toilet play, rape and so on. I have a mild tolerance to gruesome violence, this is up to debate.

Contact: neipynosimp for Skype or [email protected]

Thank you for attention~

#rp partner search #rp partner ad #original #email #skype #googledocs #submission

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