#because taking responsibility is more important than feeling understood. or whatever.

[live-laugh-lenney]

hiiii!!!

can we pls get the first time arthur says i love you to the reader

love your writing btw!

he didn't mean to say it.

...

lie.

he did mean to say it.

everytime he looked at her or caught just the slightest glimpse of her in his peripheral, he would feel his chest tighten or he would feel his heartbeat increase everytime she stood near him. everytime he heard her voice, nothing else seemed to matter to him and his interest in a current conversation would disappear when he realised she was close by. everytime he touched her, he felt sparks course through his body.

he just didn't mean to say it in that specific moment.

he was on a twitch stream, because he'd felt he had neglected that form of content for a while, with planet zoo loaded up on his screen. chatting away and answering questions that came in from those that were watching, thanking people for their donations and waffling on about what his day had been like and what he'd been up to.

and it never bothered yn, really. she loved the peace and quiet that it gave her. an hour or two by herself, cosied up on his sofa with a series or a documentary on netflix playing in the background or stretched out in his bed as she scrolled on her tiktok app and waited for him to come and join her. sometimes, she even watched his streams so she could enjoy his content without being in the room. she understood what his worklife entailed, she understood his work schedule and she never wanted to get in the way because it was important to him.

with a cup of tea in her hand, one of his old hoodies hanging down her figure and a pair of tube socks on her feet to keep her toes warm from the wooden floor of his flat, she knocks on his door tentatively and waits to hear some form of invitation to come in... which never had her waiting long. peeking her head through the door, holding tight to her cup of tea, her face is illuminated by the gentle light of his lamp in the corner of the room that he always used when streaming or filming his videos. headphones on his head and covering his ears, hand wrapped around his mouse, attention turning from the screen before him towards the doorway.

"you okay?"

"i'm heading to bed. had a busy day today and i was falling asleep on the sofa," she informs him warmly and he nods his head back in response, "might be asleep, might not be, but i just wanted to warn you."

"okay," he smiles softly and in that moment, he forgot what he was doing and where he was, "do you need anything?"

"no, i'm okay. i'm sure i can find whatever i need if i need it."

"okay, i won't be much longer anyway. been on for an hour," he laughs softly and she takes a sip of her tea before swallowing back the warm liquid, "i think i've left an old t-shirt on the bed for you. if not, have a look through the wardrobe."

"okie dokie," she nods, "enjoy the rest of the stream."

"will do," he looks back at his screen, looking at the comments and the live chat that was coming through before diverting his attention back to where yn was still stood in the door, "let me know if you can't find what you need."

"arthur, i've been here more than once. i know where you keep my toothbrush," she giggles and he can feel the heat flush over the curve of his cheeks, "your subs need you back."

"alright, i'll be through soon. i love you," and it flows off of his tongue so effortlessly. without much thought. and it takes her back, with his sudden admission, and her eyes widen in his direction and meet his matching widened eyes, "uhm-"

"i love you too," she whispers and the grin on his face was wide and large and toothy, "see you in a bit."

when the door closes and he turns his attention back to the stream, he doesn't quite know what to do with himself. he wants to end his stream with a goodbye and a promise to come back the following week to continue his planet zoo saga but a part of him wanted to act as if it was a common occurrence to exchange their love and that his stream could go a little longer... except his comments were far from oblivious to what had happened.

'arthur definitely just accidentally told her he loved her. omg'

'did we just see the first i love you's?????'

'whipped'

'this is so cute!!!!!'

"chat, i think i need to call it a night," he informs them, saving any of his progress he had made on his game and closing up the window, a smile toying with his lips, "i think we'll make this is a regular thing. in between filming videos. keep an eye on the discord. and my social medias."

'someone make editssss!!! we need them!!!!'

'he's sooooo gonna repost all the edits made for them'

'arthur has a girlfriend? whaaaat?'

"thanks for joining me tonight. it was fun. planet zoo is my favourite game to play at the moment and if you want to see more, head over to george clarkey's channel for a video of me and the other arthur playing it with him," he moves the cursor of his mouse over the button to end the stream, "see you guys later. bye."

he's quick from his chair as soon as the stream ends. turning off his computer, taking off his headphones and setting them on his desk, and standing to his feet, leaving anything unimportant behind as he could always come back and get it if he needed it. turning off the lamp, exiting the room and closing the door behind him, and he can feel the anticipation bubbling in his stomach and rising up to his chest.

his bedroom door is ajar and he can feel the nerves making his arms and legs shake and the sound of her scrolling her tiktok made it clear to him that she was still awake and had every intention of waiting for him to come to bed with her. something he'd become a lover of over the last few weeks when he asked her to stay.

"i know you're there."

"i'm just-"

"why are you going all shy?" she questions and he plucks up enough courage to step foot into his bedroom, ruffling his fringe with his fingers and letting the strands stand in all directions, "don't go all soft on me now, mister television."

"i'm not," he looks at her and he just wants to melt under her gaze, "i just, i had a more elaborate and better way of telling you than doing it on stream."

"i thought it was cute," she admits and he shook his head, "seriously, arthur. you just, sort of just, blurted it out and i think that's sweeter than any kind of planned out night. it's a very you thing to do."

he joins her on the bed, laying down on his side beside her, propping his head up with his hand. and she rolls over to match his position, a grin on her mouth, a hand coming up to cup his face with fingers ready to brush across his cheeks.

"i do love you," he says, "so much. the last few weeks have been the best and my most favourite few weeks. just, getting to know you and getting to spend time with you and learning more about you on a deeper level."

"i love you too," she reiterates, scooting over on the bed and letting his arms wrap around her, holding her close to his chest, "so much." xx

#arthurtv #arthurtv fics #arthurtv imagines #arthurtv blurbs #arthurtv headcannons #arthur frederick #arthur frederick headcannons #arthur frederick blurbs #arthur frederick imagines #arthur frederick fics #chaos crew

[tenebrius-excellium]

Thinking about Httyd...hot and perhaps too personal take: To me, Httyd was more than anything else a movie about emotional starvation. And Forbidden Friendship was the sweetest, briefest celebration of relief from that.

Afterwards, everybody basically told Hiccup to man up “because that’s just life” and I will never forgive Httyd2 and Httyd3 for that.

#httyd #wherethekiteflies #y'all keep forgetting that Hiccup grew up without a Mom. #In the same day he finds his mother; he loses his Dad. #and the third movie has nothing better to do than to make Hiccup let go of his friend because it's clingy or whatever #to keep the only stable; emotionally available being around that he has ever known. #he's painted as selfish and immature for wanting that. #Neither Astrid; nor Valka; nor Gobber understand Hiccup in the way Toothless did. #Hiccup is simply expected to go without emotional validation or the praise and intimacy he desires for his entire life #because taking responsibility is more important than feeling understood. or whatever. #this boy was granted Forbidden Friendship as the only real hug he ever received... from a dragon who chose him; who stayed with him; #who loved him; who didn't leave or bully or disappoint him. this dragon was the healthiest relationship Hiccup ever had. #and it was judged to be weak. to weaken him as a Chief. when his passion and compassion for Toothless and others were in fact #Hiccup's greatest strengths as Chief. it were those qualities; this sensitivity that made him amazing. #but the plot decided that he needed to become just like Stoick and Astrid and like the Valka who abandoned her dreams & hopes for "reality #how is desiring and needing emotional backup in life void of reality; weak; delusional and too idealistic? #shame on you httyd sequels for never granting this boy what he desired most. and that was honest; unconditional support. #analysis #httyd analysis #rant #hiccup

[long-live-astronerd-ghost-king]

DPXDC prompt: Spiritual Siblings

Bruce: My assassin kid can't be that normal!

Damian: Well, I’m completely emotionally stable by Amity Park standards. The problem is with you. Obviously.

~~~~~

Damian had long found peace and home in Amity, so he did not worry that the new family and Gotham might not accept him.

Sure, Al Ghul had lived without any contact with his biological father all these years but he could safely say that he had a happy childhood. First years were hard and he was raised more as a weapon than a human being. Even so, after that a ghost who decided to become his brother appeared and everything changed.

Damian still does not know what Ra's owes Phantom but Danny has a right to take him, without prior notification, to live with Fentons, to visit Aunt Alicia at her farm, and to make Vlad’s weekends much less calm and boring. Danny jokes that he just steals him as a hostage when Al Ghul does not pay taxes for using Lazarus Pits. Whatever the reason, he already has a family that loves him.

However, he still wanted to make an effort to fit in this one too. The model of conduct certainly was his older brother. No, not the oldest, of course. To be honest Dan wasn’t the kind of a man that could charm you from the first minute. But Danny, in Damian’s experience, had a calming effect on people. So he tried to act like him.

And, yeah, for lack of experience, he was more fun!Danny at home and super!Danny on patrol but he also really tried not to get any of his own assassin personality in his new-self and was tired of it. He couldn’t get a 100% match. Fine. Still doesn’t look like anyone in this house really likes him, so whatever.

Damian understood why Bruce didn't like his company. Jazz had long ago explained to him the importance of voluntary consent. His mother did a terrible thing. Al Ghul was not a child and therefore he was ready to admit it. However, he also understood that children were not responsible for the actions of their parents.

As a biosocial being, he wanted to be more than just a painful reminder of what had happened to Bruce. Wayne's ignoring of his existence was rude. But Damian wouldn't force this man to spend time with him just because he was legally obligated to take care of his well-being. He wasn't going to prove anything to Batman, and he definitely didn't need his attention. The care of his real family is enough.

But Damian really tried to get along with new potential siblings. He even shared Sam's and Danny’s special jokes with some of adopted kids 'cause he didn’t want them to feel like he put himself above them. He wasn't good at showing emotions but he was as open as the assassin could afford to be to strangers.

But they all obviously expected something from him. And it reminded him of the League in an unpleasant way. It was easier with Fentons. Almost everyone in Amity Park was saying what they thought, and Damian didn’t have to waste time decoding potential conspiracies.

Damian missed movie marathon nights with Sam, Tucker, and Danny. And he hoped Dani had time to bother Vlad in his absence.

It was so weird here. When Danny and Valerie were fighting, they would gather at the dinner table anyway. When Damian wanted to have combat training with Drake here, he was forced to stay in his room. A very strange punishment. And undeserved one too.

Al Ghul felt quite calm and fine sitting at his easel and painting the people he left behind. An unusual subject for his paintings. But, Ancients, he missed Amity.

He missed Jack's bone breaking hugs, Maddie's Ecto-Contaminated food, arguments of Sam and Tucker, cozy art class with Mr. Baxter and even Vlad's done look. He missed Danny telling him about the stars. He also missed sword practice with Dan's boyfriend Fright Knight and he missed Dan's stories about his other youth. He missed literary evenings with Mr. Lancer, Clockwork and Ghost Writer. He even missed the hours-long Jazz lectures. He missed the dance of death and life. He missed being looked at without expecting anything from him. He missed the crowd. In the league, he was never at one with himself and in Amity he was always surrounded by people who were not afraid of his fate as the heir to the said League. This Manor was full of people, but for the first time in his life he felt lonely. Damian has to admit that he felt left behind. Of course, he understood that people needed time to build relationships, but he could have sworn that even he didn't need that much time to connect with Fentons. Maybe this is one of the tricks of the Clockwork? Then this one is not funny at all.

~~~~~Phone call~~~~ Damian: Mom, I want to go home. Maddie: I'm so sorry to hear that, sweetheart. What happened? Damian: Just…Nobody likes me. Why was I sent here? I'm not weak. And my brothers are quite capable of protecting me from Raas. I don't need Batman for this. Maddie: We'll figure it out, champ. Moms love you, remember? I'll talk to Talia, okay? Your brothers and sisters are already on edge and ready to steal you right during the patrol. Damian: It would be nice, but it would put a bat on their tails. So lock them in thermoses if they bother you too much. Maddie: But that won't stop Jazz. Damian: I missed the part where that's my problem. Maddie: Well, it will be your problem if she comes to your doorstep with your childhood photos and moralizing.

~~~~~~~~

It's his birthday. And he was always excited about it. But now, looking at the pile of gifts, he realizes that these people don't know him at all.

And this is the family of the best detective in the world? Maybe yes, but none of them bothered to really find info about him or ask him about his likes. Damian's a stranger here, and that's obvious.

The lunch container, which he will obviously give to the Boxing Lunch when he's in the right time interval, tennis rackets that Youngblood might like, The Graveyard Book…

Valerie had already read it to him and Dani before it was published. Thanks to Clockwork for his little miracles. The book reminded him of home.

Obviously this one is from Jason. And well, Damian doesn't think it was a pun on his life in Amity, more like Hood's inside joke about death but Dami will definitely leave this thing in the room at the Manor and maybe take it with him to the GZ or Amity Park.

~~~~~~~

When they gather at the festive table, Damian realizes that he has to make some kind of speech. He tries to be as brief as possible in his report.

Damian: Todd, your gift is appreciated. And I found a potential use for items that were given by others, Bruce.

Damian never called Batman his father. With Maddie and Talia, calling both moms wasn't weird, especially when Jazz explained to his biological mom that he wasn't trying to replace her. But with Wayne, it was different. Both women took care of him, they deserved this title. Wayne provided for his needs, but his core heart didn't feel like they were close. Surely there's nothing wrong if they're just Bruce and Damian? Obviously, they both don't enjoy each other's company.

Jason: So, do you like books, little demon? Damian: Sometimes reading is quite relaxing, I should point out. I'm not indifferent to Stephen King and Lovecraft. Jason: Personal recommendations? Damian: Cujo is one of my favorites. Jason: Not a common opinion, huh. Damian: It reminds me of my family. Damian tries to smile like Danny does, but Jason's twitching eye clearly indicates that he screwed it up.

~~~~Dick and Jason synchronously drop their forks as an excuse for a conference under the table.~~~~ Dick*whispers*: How's the situation? Jason*whispers back*: If the boy asks for a dog, don't be fooled. He will be happy to dance on our graves.

~~~~Cass knocks over their heads, urging them to return to their seats.~~~~

Damian: So how good you are at fading and sliding,Todd? Jason: Why did you ask? I can't, of course. Damian: Because you're dead. It seemed to me that this was a completely understandable interest. Jason: Wow, what a jerk. Damian: I wonder why your own incompetence makes me a jerk? Even my sister could do this when she wasn't dead for even a month.

Jason, for some reason, looks awkward, although he has never been embarrassed before by the idea that a girl could be stronger than him.

Jason: Your sister? How old was she when... So it's all about age. Damian rolls his eyes.

Damian: We're the same age. It seems like it was four or five years ago. To be honest, I don't remember. I wasn't around then. I'll ask Danielle the next time I go to the cemetery to visit her. Dick: I'm so sorry, Dami. Where is she buried? We can take you. Damian: There's no need. She has no grave, as there was nothing to bury. Bruce sighs loudly and covers his eyes with his hands. Damian: It's just easier to contact the afterlife in places like this, you now? Duke: We are very sorry, dude. Damian: Don't be. People come and go, and then come back if they haven't finished annoying you. There's no point in regretting the past. Her creation was not the most ethical thing but everything is going as it should. At least that's what Grandpa says. Considering that the old man is older than time, I prefer to believe him. No one plays with fate without his permission unless they want to get hit by the clock. Tim now looks like he's going to throw up and Damian hurries to move his plate closer to him. Jason: Yes, Bruce, this is definitely your son. Damian: Did I say something wrong? Dick smiles faintly at him but still doesn't find anything to say. Damian shrugs and goes back to eating asparagus. People outside of Amity are so weird.

Signal looks at Damian suspiciously as he carefully rearranges the plate of soy sausages away from himself. Did he take him for an idiot? Everyone knows that even vegetarian sausage bite and fight no worse than those with meat when they come back to life. It's not Damian's fault that he doesn't have an ectoblast with him and wants to have extra distance from the opponent.

~~~At the same time, in the walls of Wayne Manor~~~ Dani: The operation codenamed "Get Haunted Idiot" is declared open. Danny and Dan *salute*.

~~~Several Days Later~~~

Damian: So, this is Dan. Danny says we keep him as a GIW repeller. Dick: And Danny and Dan are.. Jazz: His brothers. I'm Jazz by the way. Elle and I are his sisters. Damian: I feat the criteria to participate in their name cult, so they took me. Dan, Danny, Dani and Dami. Dan *ruffles Damian's hair* : I prefer to call this biting threat Damn, to be honest. Dami: Shut up, DaNtE, they almost wrote Dark in your passport, you idiot. I can't believe I thought I missed you. Danny: Wow. Rude. Your grandpa would be disappointed. Great job, lil one.

~~~Several years later~~~

#dpxdc #dpxdc prompts #dpxdc prompt #dpxdc memes #damian and danny are brothers

[stairain]

Down by the Dock.

After telling Spencer how distant he's been, he's determined to prove just how close he can get with you.

Warnings: Soft Dom Spencer, slight angst, creampie, breeding kink, gentle sex, praise, nicknames, missionary. 

WC: 4.3K

You were sitting on the edge of the dock, lightly skidding your feet into the water of the ocean as you looked onward at the sunset. Swirls of orange, pink, and purple overtook the sky as you sat on the damp wood surface, right outside of you and Spencer’s beach house.

This was supposed to be a romantic getaway from your daily lives, a time where you could be with him as much as you wanted and needed, however, that still didn’t deter the dull ache in your chest. 

A few minutes passed, and you heard footsteps padding closer to you. Spencer walked out onto the deck with a blanket over his shoulder and his hands in his pockets. He saw you and smiled.

"Hi. Ready to watch the sunset?" He asked, gesturing to the blanket he had brought for you. You look over your shoulder at him and give him a solemn smile.

“Yeah..” Turning your head back to the sky, you bring your legs to your chest, tucking your knees under your chin.

Your boyfriend sat down next to you, wrapping the blanket over your shoulders and putting an arm around you as he did so.

"Are you okay?" He asked quietly, his tone filled with concern. You take a deep breath and let the crisp evening air flood your lungs, you look away from him as you bite your lip. 

“I don’t know, Spence..”

"Do you want to talk about it, baby?” He asked gently, rubbing your shoulders and looking at you with a gentle and comforting expression. He had always wanted you to feel the same comfort around him that he felt around you. He wanted you to know that you could come to him about anything. Spencer always did whatever it took to make you feel better, and this was no exception.

He would do anything for you, no matter what it was.

You turn your neck to look at him with glossy eyes and quickly look away. “Are we okay..?”

With a nod, he placed a gentle kiss on your forehead. He smiled comfortingly.

"Of course. We're always okay.”

He said quietly, holding you close after the kiss. He felt a sense of responsibility for you that he had never before felt for anyone else, and he wanted to make sure that you felt safe around him. He wanted to make you feel loved, cared for, and understood, so he held you close to him. 

"What can I do to make us better than ‘okay’”? He asked, knowing you needed comfort. You shook your head at his words and sniffed.

“I-I don’t know.. Just been feeling like we’ve been drifting, recently..”

Spencer’s heart broke at your words, and he held you even closer.

"Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry."

He mumbled, rubbing your back slowly in a comforting, soothing way. "How long have you been feeling that way?” 

You let yourself be held by him, and you could feel the tears running down your cheeks, soaking into the blanket he had wrapped around you.

“You’ve just been so busy with work and I know how important it is, b-but I just- I don’t know.. feeling not so important to you, you know?”

He nods as he wiped some of the tears from your eyes with a soft expression of remorse.

"I should have realized sooner. I'm sorry, sweetheart.” He whispered sweetly, stroking your face with his hand. "I don't want you to feel like my work is more important than you. Because in the end, if I had to choose, I'd only ever choose you."

Taking a few staggering breaths, you nod at his words. “Thank you, Spence.. I’m sorry for all of this.” You look down at your hands and begin to play with your nails to distract yourself.

"Stop apologizing, sweetheart. You're allowed to express your emotions. And I'm here to support you, no matter what. Don't be afraid to come to me."

He whispered, his tone filled with understanding and kindness. He gave you a soft smile, wanting nothing more than to help ease your pain. "This was my fault. Not yours. I should’ve noticed earlier on. And you're not alone; I'm here for you. Always."

With another nod, you look up at him and gaze into his eyes, admiring how the colorful sky reflected beautiful light on his features. “I love you, Spence.”

His heart fluttered at your words, causing him to blush ever so slightly. He placed his hands on your cheeks gently, leaning in just slightly and kissing you softly on the lips.

"I love you too, sweetheart."

He whispered gently, holding you close after the kiss. He was grateful to have you in his life, and he hoped you knew just how much he cared about you, how much he loved you.

As soon as he had broken the first kiss, it had only left you wanting more. Hearing his confessions of pure, unbridled love and care for you made a deep passion inside of you ignite. 

You look at him with a faux pout on your mouth.

Spencer chuckled softly at the pout on your face, and leaned in again, kissing you gently on the lips, this time kissing you a little more passionately than the first one. His hands rubbed your back gently, and he ran a hand through your hair, pulling you closer to him as he kissed you. 

As the sun began to set below the horizon of water and the two of you continued to embrace and kiss the other, he reluctantly pulled away and got up to kneel beside you.

“Come on, love. It’s getting cold out.”

In one swift fluid motion, he lifted you up in the air, as if you weighed next to nothing; he carried you through the house and into your shared bedroom, laying you down on the bed gently. 

As you lay against the bed, you sprawled yourself out against the plush material of the cold blankets and pillows, and looked up at him with adoring eyes.

Spencer’s breath catches in his throat when he gets a good look at you laying there, all his. He crawled onto the bed on top of you, getting as close as he possibly could. With wide eyes of his own, he stares into yours before whispering against your face. 

“Are you alright with this, sweetheart?” He whispered, his voice was low and husky, full of passion. When careful fingers find your waist, you all but melt into the soft touch.

You could feel his breath on your skin and the heat his strong body radiated off. The look on your face was one of pure need. The need to be taken care of, to be cared for, to be worshiped. 

You nod, swallowing. 

He smiled and began kissing your neck, moving down to your collarbone as he ran his hands up and down your body. He did just as he knew you needed, and he cared for you, as he always did. You were the most important person in the world to him, and you knew he'd do anything you asked to take care of you, to love you, and to show just how much he meant it when he told you he loved you more than life itself.

Shivers ran through your frame at the feeling of his large warm hands running over your cold skin. The window that was facing the water wasn’t helping with the chill you felt, but you knew Spencer would warm you up in no time.

His warm hands moved over you in a gentle, comforting way, as he placed numerous tender kisses on you, on your neck, shoulders, chest, everywhere he could reach. His kisses were full of love, passion, and affection, and they were meant to take you to a place of total bliss. You knew you could always count on him to make you feel loved and appreciated, and he did it better than anyone else in the world could. He did everything he could for you, and he would always be there for you.

You took a deep breath when you felt his gentle hands pull at the buttons of your shorts, and reached your hands down to help him. But he was quick to grab your wrists and gently place them against your chest, he didn’t want you doing any work right now.

“Hands to yourself baby, you know better.” 

His tone was gentle, yet still scolding. It made your mouth dry and your panties wet. You’d do anything for him as long as he kept speaking to you in that voice of his. 

“S-Sorry, Spence..”

You move your hands so they’re side by side with your head, trying to relax and let him do everything he wants to you.

“I’ll take care of you, you know that." 

He kissed your forehead softly, looking down at you with his light eyes as he continued to undress you. His hands continued moving gently, and he worked your shorts down slowly, taking his time as he did so.

A small gasp leaves you at the way you’re left in your little lace underwear, laid out just for him. And you can hear the sound of your shorts hitting the hardwood floor, and soon enough, your panties, top, and bra, would be joining it. 

"You're gorgeous, darling."

Spencer whispered gently, giving you soft kisses as he did so. With every press of his lips against your goosebump raised skin, it only further turned you on. It was embarrassing to you, how easily he was able to arouse you. But he loved it. He loved being able to get your panties soaked and your cheeks flushed with a blush, just from a few kisses. 

You heard him undo his belt and pull down his pants, taking them off and then dropping them to the floor. The sound of the hardware of his buckle hitting the wood of the night stand made you shudder in anticipation, and you couldn’t help but clench your thighs together in excitement. 

“Are you still doing okay, baby?” 

He looks at you and faintly raises a brow.

“Y-Yes.. Spence..”

He smiled softly at you, and he leaned down to give you a gentle kiss down the lower part of your neck, before he leaned back up and his hands went back down to pull your underwear down slowly.

"Good girl.." 

You squirmed in his hold against the bed as he slowly, teasingly, dragged your underwear down your bottom.

Spencer chuckled softly at your squirms. It made him know that he was doing everything right, and he continued to slowly pull your underwear down your bottom.

"Easy there, darling. You can wait.”

He softly spoke, his tone full of devotion and love as he tried to tease you as much as possible, which proved to be quite easy. You could feel the fabric being pulled away from you body, and all you could do was lay back and let him take control. 

You wanted to wince when you could feel him pulling the drenched fabric off your body, practically having to peel them off of your soaked pussy because of how wet you were. 

You felt his eyes on you, watching with eager interest. They were filled with adoration and arousal. He couldn't wait to show you how much he loved you, and the sight of you was already more than he could've ever dreamed of. 

"You're so beautiful, sweet thing..." Spencer whispers, his voice a husky tone full of passion and excitement as he licks over his bottom lip.

“Thank you.. Spence, y-you’re beautiful, too..” You shyly murmur as you stare at the ceiling, trying not to focus on the embarrassment rising in your cheeks from how hard you think he’s staring at your exposed body. 

And you’re right. His eyes are absolutely shining with fascination at just how soaked you are, from a few light touches and kisses to your neck. He reaches out a gentle hand and pushes your folds around, smearing the slicks all over your thighs and his fingers. You moan at the feeling.

"You're very welcome, darling. You look so beautiful right now.." He whispered, smiling softly and letting his eyes follow every curve of your body. He was absolutely entranced by you, and he could barely control the intense look in his eyes of wanting you more than anything in the world. 

Spencer pulls his hand away from you, and slips them in his mouth for a quick moment, cleaning your arousal from his fingers. You watch the way his eyes roll into the back of his head when he retracts his fingers out of his mouth. 

"I love you. So much."

“I-I love you too..”

The soft crashes of the waves against the dock were audible in the room, and it only added to the calming atmosphere that engulfed you entirely and made you dizzy with bliss.

As he kneels in front of your spread body, he reaches a hand out to stroke over the skin of your thigh. 

“You wanna keep your shirt on or off, baby?”

He knew you were iffy about being completely naked, even in front of him, and you can’t help the swell of your heart at how considerate he’s always been towards you. 

“Y-You can take it off, Spence.. I don’t mind.” 

And his eyes practically glowed at your words, they were filled with admiration and love, at how much you trusted him. 

With a nod, he leans over you to pull up the soft fabric of your top, pulling it over your head, leaving you only in your bra. He reaches out to play with the delicate straps. 

“And this? You wanna keep it on, my love?”

You shake your head hesitantly, you trusted him completely, and wanted him to know just how much. 

His hands reach behind you, and your body arches under him to help. A small smile quirks on his lips at the sight, and he begins to unclasp your bra. 

And once he pulls the lacy undergarment off of you, he tenderly rubs the fabric between his fingers as he stares down at your fully bare body. He licks over his lips and sets the bra gently on the floor next to the rest of your clothing. 

“My god, baby.. You’re incredible.” 

And with the way his voice is utterly dripping with sincerity and pure adoration, you believe him. A small smile of your own creeps onto your face at his praise. 

“Thank you, Spence..” 

He nods, feeling far too emotional to speak at this moment. Kneeling back, Spencer goes down to pull down his own underwear, and even though it's a sight you’ve seen numerous times before, you couldn't ever bring yourself to get tired of it. 

As he threw the thin underwear onto the floor, his thick and heavy cock sways with his body, and god did you need him so badly it was starting to hurt. 

His hand wraps around his member, and he bites his lip at the feeling. You’re forced to watch him give himself pleasure with a pout, because you know you can make him feel better than that hand of his, even though it’s the same hand that’s brought you to countless orgasms before. 

You rub your thighs together in hopes of some relief, and he chuckles when he realizes just how desperate you’ve become. He grabs himself at the base of his dick, and slowly passes it through the slippery folds of your cunt.

The feeling of being entirely coated with your arousal makes his head spin, and it makes your breath grow short. The blunt tip of his cock buts against your sensitive clit and you’d be ashamed to admit that it was already bringing you so close over the edge. 

“P-Please.. Spen-” 

“Shh shh, I know, baby..” 

He’s quick to shut you up, because only he knows what’s the best for you, and right now, he’s giving it to you. 

Spencer rubs his head over your hole, before slowly, so slowly, pushing himself inside of your warm walls. The intrusion makes you wince, he’s always been big, and somehow he always made it fit. 

With each inch he sheathes inside of you, the fuller and fuller you feel. You can feel yourself tightening involuntarily around him, and you can hear just how wet you are when you do. With each squeeze of your pussy around his cock, and quiet squelch can be heard, you were so wet that you were already leaking around him.

And when he’s entirely engulfed inside of you, his pelvis pressing into the sides of your thighs, your legs wrapped around his back, he throws his head back at how warm you are. It’s almost burning him, and he can’t get enough of it, even if you him fuck you forever. 

But he’d still be a foolish man to ever deny the offer.

The man gently caresses your soft skin as he forces himself to stay still inside of you, despite how hard it was, and despite how much he just wanted to fill you over and over again with his cock, then once more with his searing hot cum. 

“Let me know when, baby. O-Okay?”

His voice is wavering at how much control he’s trying to instill, and you’re not doing too hot either. Your body is trembling against the sheets as you try to adjust to the intrusion and keep your release at bay. 

After a few soft cries and moans from you, and a few more groans and heavy sighs from Spencer, you clench around him to let him know you’re ready, and the feeling makes him keel over your body, caging your head with his arms. 

“Fuck, baby..” 

His fingers intertwined with yours beside your head, and began to shallowly thrust into your weeping cunt. 

Looking down was a big mistake, you soon found. Because the second you leaned up slightly to watch the way he fucked you, you threw you head back almost immediately. 

After noticing this, he does the same. He bows his head down to look where your two bodies meet, and he lets out a guttural moan at the sight. 

“God, look at you, angel.. You’re swallowing me right up.”

You shake your head at his words and squeeze your eyes shut. Because you know if you look again, you’ll be trembling and cumming on his cock that instant you see the way his thick cock pushes into your greedy cunt. 

Spencer’s having a hard enough time as is holding himself back, just watching the way he disappears inside your pretty pussy has him rolling his eyes back into his head. Seeing the way your slick arousal has turned white on his length because of how much he’s been encasing himself inside of you. 

The fingers that are intertwined with yours leave your hands, and reach down to hold you in a firm grip at your hips. He uses them to pull your body down against him, further humping his cock into your drenched hole. 

He begins to rub the sweat slicked skin of your hips as he still fucks into you so lovingly.  

His touches were so gentle and comforting that it almost made you feel drowsy. You let out a soft yawn and felt your eyelids grow heavier with each tender pass of his cock inside of you.

Spencer was quick to notice this, and pat you lightly against the side of your face, forcing you to look up at him.

“Come on baby, stay with me. I know you can do it..”

His voice was full of so much emotion it made you want to cry. The way he talked to you like you were precious to him never ceased to make you absolutely melt under his gaze.

With a nod, you blinked a few times to bring yourself back to full consciousness, and lolled your head back against the plush pillows as your swollen lips pushed out a soft moan.

“There you go.. that’s my sweet girl..”

Each roll of his hips into you drove you crazy, and the way he was making you feel was out of place with how tenderly he was making love to you. He made you feel like your body was on fire, like at any given moment, you’d be gushing around his cock and soaking his skin and sheets. 

You clench around him to pull him even deeper inside of you, and he groans loudly at the sensation. You were so close already, he might as well have gotten an award. 

Spencer readjusts his body to plant his knees firmer against the bed, and leans down to wrap his arms around your waist to lift your lower body against his own. He began to fuck into you quicker now, just how you needed it. A whiny whimper was what you granted him in response. 

He nodded, and a shudder ran through him at how amazing you felt around him, and how utterly beautiful you sounded and looked.  

“Anytime you need to, baby.” 

Sounding breathless, he grinds his body harder, faster, and longer into yours. You’re sucking him up like it’s your job, and feel him yanking you closer and closer to your release.

Your hands gripped at the sheets, your nails digging into them in a substitute for Spencer’s back. You didn’t want to hurt him right now, not when he was taking care of you like the most delicate thing to ever exist, definitely not.

“I-I love you s-so much.. So so much, Spence..” 

You pathetically yet lovingly confess to him through a moan, and your eyebrows scrunched at the imminent orgasm that was quickly washing over you.

“Oh baby.. I love you too, more than anything.” 

His voice is full of adoration, and you can hear the way he’s fighting off cutting himself off with loud moans and groans of his own. 

Your body trembles as your cunt gives one last greedy swallow of his entire length, and you can practically see the back of your skull with how hard your eyes are rolling. Warmth. Warmth is all you feel. 

You’re gushing around him, feeling your release spill out of you around him and coat your thighs and drip down to your ass. Your orgasm sends you into a state of euphoria, and after your body turns stiff from the impact, you go entirely limp in his hold, moaning and whimpering endlessly. 

“My sweet baby.. You did so well.” 

He whispers through your noises, and starts to push into you quicker, chasing after his own very close release. With your orgasm still wracking through your fragile body, he can just feel the flutter of your pussy around him, begging to be filled with his cum. 

“Baby- Baby I’m gonna cum.. W-Where?” 

His voice sounds absolutely desperate, like if you didn’t answer him in the next second he’d explode. 

Crying out through a moan, you squeeze your cunt harder, pulling him deeper and deeper where you needed him most, where you needed him to claim you, and show you just how sorry he is for being so distant. 

“I-Inside.. Now, Spence.. Oh–Please, I need it so bad.. Please…” 

Spencer shakes his head at your response, as if it drove him crazy. And truthfully, it did. Nothing sounded more appealing than absolutely filling you to the brim with his thick, warm, cum. He needed it inside of you, probably more than you did. He wanted to stuff you with his release, praying to god your body would take his seed into you, and give you the family you always yearned to have. 

You deserve it. You deserve everything. 

Is what he chants to himself in his head, it wasn’t like he needed any help believing it, he just wanted to make sure he did a good job of showing you just how devoted he was towards you, and how far he'd go just to make sure you’re happy. 

With one final push into you, he locks himself inside of you, and keeps himself there. He’s so fucking deep inside of you that you can feel his tip blowing a kiss to your cervix, and yet the both of you craved he could get deeper. A primal moan left his mouth, accompanying your whines of pure pleasure.

Spencer’s hips stutter against your thighs, and you feel him lose all of his control at that moment. He’s pouring his release into you, shooting thick ribbons of arousal and coating your walls. 

And he was tucked so far into you, that none of it leaked out. So he pumped you full of cum, and forced your body to take it, take it as your own. 

When his release starts to subside, he lets out a soft laugh and squeezes at the flesh of your waist. 

“You alright, love?”

You wordlessly nod, and swallow the spit pooling in your mouth. You lean up on your forearms to look up at him with a gaze full of unmistakable admiration and adoration. He returns it. 

With a breathless moan, he starts to slowly pull out of you, but you’re quick to protest. With your legs against his back, you pull him closer to you, and force him back inside of you. 

“Stay, Spence.. Please..” 

He looks up at you with a crooked smile and tilts his head to the side. With a slightly trembling hand, he reaches it up to your face and moves some of the sweaty hair stuck on your face out of the way, and leans down the best he can to press a kiss to your cheek. 

“Baby I honestly think I’m stuck inside of you at this point, you don’t have to worry about that.” 

#spencer reid #spencer x reader #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #spencer reid smut #dom spencer reid #spencer reid x reader smut #dom spencer reid x reader #dom!spencer #dom!spencer reid #soft dom spencer reid #dom spencer #spencer reid angst

[h-c-u]

Bose with the Boss

Summary: Toto has to stay in the office late, but that doesn't mean he can't help you in different ways.

Pairing: Toto Wolff x shy fem!reader

W/C: 4.8k

Rating: +18, age gap, daddy kink, dirty talk, praise kink, dom/sub, phone sex, guided masturbation, cockwarming (if you squint), somnophilia

A/N: I will never be able to look at my headphones the same way. BTW - does anyone know how to get on Bose PR list? Asking for a friend...

Masterlist | List of tags

It was getting really late...

You knew what you were getting into when you started a relationship with such a powerful and important man, but there were moments when you hated that he had so many things to think about, because when he was taking care of them, he wasn't taking care of you. It's not like you resented him for it, but there were times when you just felt lonely, and this evening was one of those times.

With a heavy sigh, you put away the dinner you hoped to eat with him, opened a bottle of wine, and poured yourself a glass. The house you came to love seemed too big and quiet right now, and you honestly didn't have the energy to do anything, so you just moved to the bedroom and changed into a shirt he wore yesterday to trick your brain into thinking that he was near. With a pilot, you turned on the fireplace and after a few minutes of staring mindlessly into the fire, you decided to call him. It was late and it was a wind-tunnel day, so you suspected he wouldn't answer because he was still with the team, going over the results, but to your surprise he did.

- I'm sorry I'm not home yet, Schatzi... - he started with an apology, which was both good and bad. Good, because even though he didn't say he'll be back for dinner, he still felt guilty for leaving you alone for so long, and bad, because it meant that he wouldn't be back soon.

- Tunnel day, I understand... - you said, your voice much quieter than you wanted it to be, but that made him realize that something wasn't exactly right. And the fact that you logically understood why he had to stay longer didn't change how you felt. But you weren't going to take it out on him; he didn't deserve it.

- What's wrong...? - you could hear the creaking of the chair, which meant that he turned around from the screens and now you had his undivided attention, even if he wasn't as close as you wanted him to be.

You wanted to say it was nothing, that everything was fine, but the lie got stuck in your throat. Well, not exactly a lie, but also nothing serious enough to burden him with, especially when his work most likely already emotionally drained him.

- I feel alone... And I miss you... - you whispered eventually after a long moment of silence. It was still hard for you to be vulnerable with anyone, but it was something you were actively working on.

- Oh, Schatzi... - his voice was dripping with guilt because he hated making you feel like that.

- I have wine, I turned on the fireplace, I'm in your shirt... I'm going to be ok, I just wanted to hear your voice. - you almost instantly tried to make him feel better, which wasn't the healthiest response, but it was the only one that came to the surface. You heard a loud sigh from the other side of the phone, and for a moment you felt bad for bringing it up. In the end, you were living in his house, on his money and you could do whatever you wanted without any worries thanks to him... And yet you still dared to crave more...

- I'll make it up to you, I promise... - you couldn't help but smile, because you knew that his word was his bond, and you couldn't wait to see what he'll come up with.

- Are you alone...? - you asked in a barely audible whisper. You weren't sure if it was loneliness, the wine, or the mix of both, but you needed something from him.

- I am... - he replied in a soft, deep voice, that by some miracle was able to make you feel warm all over.

- Could you...? I need... - even though you were completely alone, you still couldn't say what you wanted out loud. - Please...? - you knew you didn't have to finish the request for him to know what you needed; the desperation in your voice was louder than any words. There was a very subtle chuckle from the other side of the line, but you knew he wasn't making fun of you.

- Do you need Daddy to tell you what you want...? - he almost growled and you felt the blush spilling all over your cheeks and down your chest. Out of instinct, you nodded enthusiastically, forgetting that he couldn't exactly see you at the moment. - Use your words, Princess... - the wave of embarrassment instantly washed over you.

- Yes... - you whispered into the phone, hoping that the microphone would pick up your quiet voice.

- Yes what...? - there was no need to be as embarrassed as you were. Having needs and wants was normal. But you still needed a moment to gather the courage to say what he wanted to hear out loud.

- Yes, I need you to tell me what to do, Daddy. - as soon as the words left your mouth, you felt the warmth traveling down your body.

- Get the headphones from my nightstand, since you'll need both of your hands today, Princess... - you instantly rolled over to his side of the bed, turned the headphones on, paired them to your phone, and put them on your head.

- Done... - you said, but you didn't move back just yet.

- That's my good girl... - you felt his deep voice traveling down your spine, and your eyelids fluttered involuntarily from the sensation, but you wouldn't dare to lower the volume; not when Toto's voice reached the places you didn't even know needed scratching. - Now take out that special toy Daddy bought for you... - you did as he asked, feeling his every word in the back of your neck and you had to bite your lip not to flinch. - Do you have it...?

- Yes... - you whispered. Or at least you thought you did, because you weren't able to hear your own voice through the noise-canceling headphones.

- Perfect... But we're not going to use it just yet, Princess. I want you to lean back on all those pillows you made me get, and close your eyes. - he gave you a moment to follow his instructions and then he continued. - Now put two of your beautiful fingers in your mouth and make them all nice and wet for me... - you would do anything he asked of you right now, because his voice was shooting straight through every single part of your brain, consuming anything else. - You know how Daddy always places a string of kisses along your jaw and down your neck...? I want you slowly trace it with those two fingers... Gently, don't put much pressure... - you took your time moving your hand right below your earlobe and slowly glided your fingers over your skin, leaving a wet path behind. Wetness soon turned into cold, which shot straight to your nipples, because that's where usually Toto's mouth went next. Even though you were the one responsible for this sensation, the delay in your barely noticeable touch and the coldness made it easier to imagine that it was someone else. - Now wet your fingers again and go a little bit lower, in between your breasts... And come back up. - his voice shot through your core again and you did exactly as he requested. - Tell me, Princess... Are your nipples already hard and perked up...? - the confidence in his voice was contrasting with the blush that instantly covered your cheeks. And you were the one who was alone in your house, while he was at the factory where anyone could enter his office at any time.

- Yes... - you whispered quietly. You wanted to hide your face from embarrassment, but there was no one to hide from.

- Yes what...? - he urged you to continue.

- Yes, Daddy... My nipples are hard... - you bit your lip right after the words left your mouth.

- You're doing amazing, Princess... - the praise was so genuine that you almost melted into the pillows below you. - Now gently pinch and roll them in between your fingers, just like Daddy does... - you moved both of your hands down to undo the first few buttons of Toto's shirt and slid your hands under the white material to follow his instructions, and as soon as your fingers fount their destination, you couldn't help but moan, even before you continued... You barely did anything, but his voice dominating everything else managed to rile you up so well, that you could feel the wetness gathering on your folds already. - Louder... - you could just say that he was smiling, hearing how strong of an effect he had over you. So, when you finally rolled your fingers, you let the moan slip from your lips uninterrupted. - Come on, Schatzi, it's just me and you... Louder... I know you can do it. - for him, you could do anything... So, the next time you tightened your fingers, you went all in... You could feel your own moan vibrating through your chest, even though you could barely hear it through the headphones. - That's my girl... Again. - how could you say no when he was speaking in such a commanding voice?

Your cheeks were hot from the arousal, your lips dry and puffy from the constant biting and sucking, but somehow you could still feel the trail of coldness left by your own fingers on your skin, and it felt like his ghost was there with you. Electricity was buzzing in your nerve endings, and your whole body was singing for more, but you didn't dare to do anything he didn't tell you to do.

- Run your fingers through your folds for me... - one of your hands instantly shot down. - How wet are you, Princess? - you had to take a deep breath before you answered because you knew that one word just wouldn’t be enough for him. He wanted to push your boundaries, force you out of your comfort zone and make you feel so good as a reward... Sooner or later you would have to be a bit more descriptive, so why put yourself through the embarrassment twice...?

- I'm soaked, Daddy... There was barely any resistance when my fingers glided... Glided through m-your pussy... - you could feel the uncomfortable heat pooling in all the wrong places. He hummed, clearly pleased at your choice of words.

- Hmmm... What did I do to deserve such a good girl...? - his voice shot all the way through your spine once again. - And good girls like you deserve a reward... - even when he didn't tell you to do anything, your breath was still quicker than usual, and you could feel your walls involuntarily clenching around nothing. - Get the toy, Princess... Run it through your folds, but no dipping just yet. Make it all nice and slick first. - you fumbled for a moment in search of the vibrator you pulled from the nightstand earlier.

At first, you just wet the tip without putting any pressure, because you were afraid of the sounds that would have come out of your mouth if you did. But eventually, you had to change the angle, and you ended up gently nudging your already oversensitive clit, which made you shiver and moan even louder than before.

- Beautiful... Don't hold back, Schatzi. You have a voice of an angel... - you weren't sure if the heat in your cheeks was from his compliments or from your arousal, but it was definitely there.

The smooth silicon was gliding through your folds without any resistance in no time, and you couldn't help but wonder if the microphone picked up all the sounds your soaked pussy must have been making... You couldn't hear them yourself because of the headphones, but you were sure they were there.

- Turn it on, lowest setting... And hold it just above your lovely clit. Let the vibrations travel through your skin and bone and tease you for a moment. - as soon as you pressed the vibrator in the spot he was talking about, your whole body curled up, and out of instinct, you covered your mouth with your hand, because you didn't want to be too loud, but you still didn't move the toy. Even the slightest stimulation traveled deep into your core, reaching not only the exposed bundle of nerves but the parts that were hidden where they usually couldn't be reached. - Schatzi... - he warned you, and you instantly realized what you did wrong. But instead of punishing you, he was giving you a chance to correct that mistake.

- Sorry, Daddy... - you mumbled, right after the vibrations tore a loud moan from between your now uncovered lips.

- Good girl... Now stop. - you moved the toy away from your pussy, but you didn't turn it off. You felt a thin layer of sweat already gathering on your skin and being almost instantly absorbed by Toto's shirt. Your hair was sticking to your face, but you couldn't find enough care to move the strands away, because your whole brain was consumed by the need to get closer to that hot-white, overwhelming pleasure.

But he remained silent...

- Daddy...? - for a moment you were afraid that the connection dropped or that he hung up.

- Yes, Princess...? - his deep voice was both like a cooling pad for your brain and a heating one for your body. But now he was just being mean... He knew how close you were, yet he still chose to mercilessly tease you. You also knew what he wanted you to say, and why he wanted you to say it... He enjoyed making you all embarrassed and flustered, but by forcing you to word your wants and needs, he was actually helping you in the long run. Still, that didn't change the fact that using your orgasm as leverage wasn't something you enjoyed.

- Can I please put the vibrator inside me, turn it to the highest setting, and cum...? - you finally asked, the words leaving your mouth so quickly, that you were afraid they all merged into one.

- Since you asked so nicely... - you could feel the pride in his voice. It was such a small thing, but it was really far out of your comfort zone, and he understood that better than anyone else. - And let me hear it, Princess... - you carefully pushed the toy deeper inside you, trying to find the right angle, and when you did, your knees flew open and your hips rose up, trying to accommodate and meet someone that wasn't there... By the sounds you made, Toto instantly realized what happened. - You're doing such a good job... - his deep voice rumbled through your whole body, as you were struggling to catch your breath. He was so composed compared to you, and even though you couldn't see him, you knew, there was not a hair out of place and not a wrinkle on his clothes, while you were a whining mess, barely able to control your moves, not to mention the sounds you were making...

You finally got enough brainpower to turn up the settings, and your moans became higher and more frequent, even though you were currently clenching your teeth from all the sensations; you didn't even have to move the toy inside you, because the constant stimulation of your g-spot was already pulling you to the top. You wouldn't be able to last long like that, but that wasn't the point... He wanted you to feel good, even though he wasn't there to help with that.

You didn't realize when you turned to your side and pulled your knees to your chest so close, that you were able to rest your sweaty forehead on them. You felt the tears streaming down your cheeks from your shut eyes, and you were no longer moaning... There was only a high, steady sound escaping your mouth through your bitten lip and then it happened.

- That's it... That's my good girl... - you heard Toto's voice just as you were being violently pushed over the edge. Your body uncurled with such force that few of the pillows were thrown off the bed, and one of the still-closed buttons of Toto's shirt flew somewhere nowhere to be found again. And then you collapsed and buried yourself deeper in the pillows below you with the vibrating toy still inside you, but it was no longer pressing against your g-spot, so you were able to catch a breath. - You did so well, Princess... - you couldn't help the smile that bloomed on your face.

- Thank you... - you mumbled into the soft material of the pillow, so you weren't exactly sure how eligible it was. You reached down to turn off the toy, but you couldn't bring yourself to take it out just yet, because somehow it made you feel less alone.

- I love you, Schatzi... Go to sleep, I'll be there when you wake up, I promise... - your mind was already drifting somewhere far away, but his words cut through the pleasant fog and gave you an idea. With your eyes still closed, you reached to the drawer of your nightstand, pulled out a small figurine, and placed it on top, right next to an unfinished glass of wine.

- I love you too... - you responded automatically, almost as a reflex or muscle memory, but it didn't change the fact that it was true. You didn't hear the sound that indicated that the call was disconnected, because you were already asleep.

Toto knew you were asleep, that’s why he did his best not to make any sounds when he entered your home. He reset the alarm, took his shoes and the jacket off, and left his bag, phone, and keys on the dining room table. He poured himself a glass of cold water from the dispenser in the fridge and took two deep breaths to reset himself and put some distance between his life at home and work. And when he finally felt the threads tethering him to the office unhooking from his brain, he was ready to go to the bedroom, where you were currently sound asleep.

As soon as he entered the room still dimly lit by a fire from a fireplace, your sight took his breath away. He leaned on the doorframe and just stood there for a moment with his arms crossed on his chest, basking in your glory. You were laying on your stomach, with your left leg hooked up and resting on one of the soft pillows, around which you also had your arms wrapped. You were still wearing his headphones and your lovely figure was hidden by his own shirt, which almost made him purr, the possessiveness in him completely satisfied with you covered from head to toe in his things. Only after a moment, he noticed the smooth silicone toy peeking from between your folds, and his eyes immediately shot to your nightstand, where he noticed a small porcelain figurine, which made him smile.

He rolled up his sleeves and lazily strolled to the bed. You didn't react in any way when the mattress dipped under his weight when he started crawling in between your legs. Not even when he gently traced his fingers up your thigh until they reached the smooth silicon toy still buried deep in you, with the other end digging into the inside of your thigh, the angle being the sole thing holding it in its place.

When he turned on the vibrations on the lowest setting, you stirred in your sleep and pushed your hips higher up, as if you wanted to give him even more access. He very slowly moved the toy out and back inside you, which made you part your lips in your sleep. With his every move, your breathing became louder, and eventually, there was a soft whine that escaped from your mouth. He could already feel your slick on his fingers, but he didn't stop using the toy just yet; he wanted to make sure that you were as relaxed and ready as possible. He was satisfied only when you subconsciously started humping the toy to meet his movements, so he turned the vibrator off and slowly took it out of you while you tried to follow it.

He didn't even bother undressing completely, only undoing the buttons and zipper of his pants, and freeing his already hard cock from behind two layers of material. Slowly and careful not to wake you up, he ran his whole length in between your folds, lubricating it with your juices. And then he carefully guided his tip inside you, stretching you even more than the toy did just a few moments ago.

The softness of your warm, welcoming walls clenching around him made him moan, but even if you weren't asleep, you wouldn't be able to hear that because of the headphones. He stayed like that for a short while, soaking in the tenderness and intimacy of this moment... The amount of trust you were putting in him always got to him in those types of situations, and he would be a fool if he ever abused it. So instead, he leaned down, still holding his weight on his strong arms, careful not to put any on you, and placed a soft, gentle kiss on the back of your neck. Your face relaxed more if that was even possible, and he just rested his forehead on the place where his lips were just a second ago. He knew you would eventually wake up, but he wanted to challenge himself a little to see how close he could get you to an orgasm before you did, so his moves were slow and gentle... Almost sloppy... But then came a moment when your walls clenched harder around him and his hips snapped in involuntary response, slapping hard against your ass, and that finally made you regain consciousness. Although for a moment you weren't exactly sure what was happening, you knew you were safe.

It would be so easy to go back to sleep, but as soon as you realized what Toto was doing, you turned your head back and caught his lips in a deep kiss, in the middle of which he gently removed the headphones from your head.

- You're so good for me, Princess... So perfect... - he whispered, resting his forehead against yours.

- Just for you... Only for you... - you whispered trying to touch, to feel him more, but the angle made it impossible, so you move your knee even closer to your chest and did a complete 180 turn under him, somehow managing to keep him inside you. Your hands instantly shot down to unbutton his shirt and slide under the soft material and around his body, pulling him closer, as he finally got lower, now resting on his elbows instead of his hands.

He buried his face in the nook of your neck and deeply inhaled your scent, while you hooked your legs behind his ass and pulled him even deeper inside you.

- I missed you so much today... - his voice was almost desperate while he started moving slowly again, but with every snap of his hips, he was gaining speed. - Missed your scent, your touch, your perfect skin, your lips... - if his voice wasn't desperate, his kiss definitely was. It was all-consuming, devouring, and full of longing as if he was trying to make up for lost hours and already preparing and compensating for the next day without you. - Let me hear you, Princess... - he growled when you tried to choke the moan before it reached the surface after a particularly rough move. And after he realized that you were trying to contain yourself again, he did everything in his power to draw louder and more frantic sounds out of you, and he knew exactly how to play your body. He knew all the right places, all the right angles, and he used that knowledge to his advantage mercilessly until you were a moaning, sobbing, and shivering mess.

- Please... - you whimpered, hiding your face in his chest, because you were so desperate for release that you could taste its sweetness in the air.

- Please what...? - you couldn't see it, but you were sure that there was a cocky smile on his face.

- Please Daddy, can I cum on your cock...? - you didn't move your face, so the words came out muffled by Toto's skin. He chuckled and placed a soft kiss on the top of your head.

- Of course, Princess... You can always cum on Daddy's cock... - he placed another soft kiss, this time on your temple. There was an unbelievable contrast between what the lower parts of your bodies were doing, and what the top parts did. His hips were moving at the speed of light, and with every push and pull he was dragging his tip against your G-spot. The loud sounds of skin rhythmically slapping against skin every time he bottomed out when your hips moved up to meet his. Your ankles now were on his lower back, pulling him harder and deeper inside you. All that while he was whispering sweet praises directly into your ear when you were hiding your face out of embarrassment from your own reactions; your fingers were leaving light pink scratches on his back, while your lips closed around a soft patch of the skin under his shoulder, because you were far past moaning, and you needed to occupy your mouth in some other way.

Just before the wave of intense pleasure pulled you into its embrace, you could feel your walls clenching down so hard, it left you with a pleasurable burn that finally pushed you over the edge and your whole body reacted accordingly. Your arms and legs pulled him deeper and closer, and you basically wrapped yourself around him so tightly that you definitely left some marks, yet somehow, he still managed to thrust a few more times before he froze and spilled deep inside you, exactly where he belonged. He pressed his forehead against the top of your head for a long moment, trying to calm himself enough not to collapse as soon as he moved.

- So good... You were so good for me, Princess... - he whispered into your hair, and you almost started purring at his praise. Even though you were slowly regaining control over your own thoughts and body, you didn't let go of Toto, clinging to him for dear life.

- I missed you... - you finally whispered. He moved his arms under you, and he flipped both of you around, so you were now laying on top of him, while he gently stroked your hair and back.

- I know, Schatzi, and I'm sorry... I will make it up to you. - you rested your head on his chest and closed your eyes, soaking in his presence with your whole body.

- I'm not saying that because I want anything in return or to make you feel guilty... I just... I don't like when you're not nearby. I know it's clingy and desperate, but I just... - you huffed instead of actually finishing the sentence.

- I personally think it's adorable... - you could hear a smile in his voice, and you looked up to see it on his face. - And I'm not going anywhere, Princess, I'm all yours... And I can remain yours under the shower. - you chuckled, but he was right... You were both sticky from sweat, and your mixed release was all over your thighs.

- Bath...? - you quietly requested, rubbing your cheek against his skin.

- Yes, we can take a bath instead... - he stood up with you still holding onto him like a very clingy koala bear, and he supported your weight from below, so you wouldn't land on the floor.

Without letting you go, he run a hot bath, undressed and when it was time - he also took off the shirt you were wearing. He got into the giant bathtub first and then held out his hand to assist you.

- Tell me about your day, please... - you requested when you were comfortable sitting in between his legs, with your back against his torso and your eyes closed. He chuckled quietly, but you didn't have to wait long to hear all about the tunnel day. The vibrations of his low, deep voice traveled through your whole body, relaxing you even more than the dangerously hot water, and you had to be careful not to fall asleep in the bath, but even if you did, you knew Toto would take good care of you. 

A/N 2: Please don’t feel obligated/pressured to reblog, because I write mostly for myself. A comment would be appreciated though :) Love, G.

#my writing #Toto Wolff fanfiction #Toto Wolff smut #Toto Wolff x reader #🖤 #🧰 #🎤 #🥪 #📞 #🎀 #🔥

[falcqns]

for the first time (whats past is past)

✰ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Lucy Chen & Tim Bradford

✰ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Tim calls Lucy in the middle of the night, hoping to every god that exists that her number hadn’t changed, and to every angel that she would pick up despite how he had hurt her.

✰ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: canon divergence, angst with a happy ending obviously, Chenford. tagging @natashasera. Title is from Begin Again by my mothaaaaa 

don’t forget to read and reblog, and i do not give permission for my works to be posted anywhere other than tumblr. thank you.

“Please pick up,” Tim whispered to himself. He sniffed, trying blink back the tears that were gathering in his eyes. He knew he was stupid for doing this, for calling her; if he were her, he wouldn’t pick up the phone, especially after he had done what he did. She had needed him, and he had left her, and he wouldn’t blame her for doing the same to him. 

But, whatever gods that he had prayed to before hitting her contact must have heard his prayers, because just as he was about to give up, the ringing stopped, and he heard static for a brief second, before hearing a sound he thought he’d never hear again - Lucy saying his name in her beautiful, melodic voice. 

“Tim?” She said quietly, and Tim choked back a sob. 

“H-Hi,” he whispered. There was rustling on the other end for a brief moment before Lucy responded. 

“What happened?” She asked, her previously neutral tone shifting to concerned. 

Tim chuckled quietly. “Why do you assume that something happened?” 

“Because you wouldn’t be calling me in the middle of the night if it hadn’t.” 

Tim hung his head, sighing. “Y-You’re right.” He suddenly regretted calling her, he didn’t want her to think he’d only called her because he needed something, because that was far from the truth. He did need something, but she was the only one he wanted to call. Everyone else would look at him with pity - which he understood, because how sad is it that him, a nearly 40 year old man was broken up with and humiliated at a party? But still, he knew that if he had called Angela or Genny, they would have pitied him, but Lucy wouldn’t do that. She would feel bad for him, but he knew that she knew (better than anyone) that these things happened, and it was important to move on and not be stuck in the past. “I uhm..” He began, but stopped, unsure how to explain it without sounding like he was in high school. 

“Tim?” Lucy asked again, and this time, Tim cleared his throat before speaking. 

“I uh - I was at a party, with my girlfriend, and we got into a fight. It was stupid, but it caused her to freak out, and basically start bashing me in front of all of her friends.” He explained. 

“Im so sorry Tim,” Lucy said. “Wait, what do you mean by ‘bashing’ you?” She asked, and Tim chuckled sadly.

“Well,” he began. “She thought it was appropriate to bring up everything from my past, more specifically the things I had told her in confidence, like what happened with Isabel and my dad, and things I was ashamed about, like how I treated you.” He confessed. 

Lucy sighed on the other end, and the rustling could be heard again. “Tim, I’m so sorry that happened to you, you didn’t deserve that.”

Tim shrugged, even though he knew she couldn’t see it. “Kinda feels like I did, but right now I just want to get away from her and her friends, but I’m stranded. You were the only person I could think of to call who wouldn’t pity me.” 

Lucy laughed quietly. “Of course im not going to pity you, I learned my lesson with that when I was your rookie.” Tim laughed in response. “Send me the address, and I’ll come and get you.” 

Tim sighed in relief. “Thank you.” He said, and sent her a text with the location of the party. 

“Okay,” Lucy said, looking at the address. “It’ll take me about 20 minutes to get to you, but I’m leaving pretty much right now,” she said. “I’ll see you when I get there, okay?” 

“Yeah.” Tim replied. “Thank you again.”

“It’s no problem, Tim. I’m glad you called me.”

—— 

27 minutes later, Tim saw Lucy’s Gray Acura RDX pull into the driveway, and he was finally able to move off of the rock he had been sitting on. He walked over to her car, and opened the passenger door, sliding into the seat, and shut the door behind him. Lucy smiled at him, before reaching out and pausing the music she had been playing. 

Tim glanced at the screen, and his brows furrowed when he saw the song “I See The Light.”

“Why are you playing Disney music?” 

Lucy pointed behind her, and when Tim tuned his head around, he was shocked to see a car seat facing the back of the back seat, and a mirror on the headrest, allowing him to see the sleeping infant, no more than 6 or 7 months old, in the carseat. 

“Tangled is her favourite.” She said, putting the car in reverse, and backing out of the driveway. “And she was not too happy to be taken out of her sleep sack before she was ready.” Lucy said, a smile on her face. 

“Im sorry,” Tim apologized immediately. Not only did he wake her up in the middle of the night, he had her wake her sleeping baby up, to come and get him from a party in the middle of nowhere, when he could have just called an Uber.

Lucy shook her head. “Don’t be,” she said, reading his mind. “She was going to wake up soon for a feed anyways, so it’s all good.” 

Tim nodded, his head turning back to face the road. “I uh,” he said, glancing down at his hands before speaking. “I didn’t know you were a mom.” 

Lucy nodded with a smile. “Yeah, I am.” She said. “I love it more than I thought I would.” She explained. “I mean, I always knew I wanted to be a mom, but the second she entered the world, I knew I’d love it more than anything in this world.” 

Tim smiled. “I’m happy for you, I know how much you’d wanted the whole marriage and kids thing.”

Lucy nodded, eyes on the road. “Actually, just the kids. I’m not married.” She said. She looked sideways at Tim briefly, and answered his unasked question. “I’m single.”

“Oh,” Tim responded, unsure what else to say. 

“Yeah,” Lucy nodded, glancing back at her baby. “Chris wasn’t too keen on being a father.” She explained, and Tim shook his head. 

“What an idi- I mean dummy head.” He said, glancing back at the baby briefly, making Lucy laugh. 

“Its okay, you can swear.” She said. “I don’t care, and It helps her development, so swear it up.” She said, making Tim laugh. 

“What an idiot.” Tim continued, before shaking his head. “Nope, can’t swear. Feels too weird.” 

Lucy laughed, and Tim smiled looking over at her. He had missed that sound more than anything, and he knew it was all his fault that he hadn’t heard it in nearly two years. 

“Anyways, Sanford is a dummy head for doing that to you.” Tim continued. 

“I know, but it’s not the first time someone has left me when things have gotten hard.” She said, and Tim nodded sadly, knowing that she was referring to him now. 

“I know, and I’m-“ Tim began, before Lucy cut him off. 

“if you say ‘I’m sorry’ one more time, I’m pulling over and you can walk.”

They both laughed, and Tim opened his mouth once more. “Okay, okay I’m-“ he began, before him and Lucy glanced at each other, and immediately looked away as they both burst into laughter. 

Their laughs were cut short by a cry from the backseat. Lucy reached out, tapping the ‘AirPlay’ button on her car display, and bringing up the Tangled soundtrack again. 

“I’m sorry, Mae Mae,” Lucy said, looking into her rearview mirror, where she could see the reflection of her daughter. “Look, Mama’s playing your music.” As soon as Mandy Moore’s singing voice began to float from the car speakers, the infant calmed down, and looked out the window.

The car was quiet for a few minutes, and Tim wouldn’t admit it, but he actually enjoyed the Tangled soundtrack. He then decided to break the silence, wanting to know more about what he’d missed in the Lucyverse the past almost two years.

“What’s her name?” He asked, referring to the baby in the backseat.

Lucy swallowed nervously before she responded. “Her name is Maple.”

Tim’s heart pounded in his chest, a wave of gruelling grief, the same wave that had washed over him for months when he left Lucy that had stolen his ability to take care of himself, crashed over him once more. 

Maple was the name that they’d chosen together. Tim hadn’t liked it at first, but the more he’d thought about it, the name Maple Bradford definitely had a ring to it. When they’d broken up, he knew he was still going to use the name if he ever had kids, but he didn’t think that she would, especially after he left her the way he did. 

“Y-You used the name.” Tim said quietly, and Lucy nodded. She looked over at him, and his heart broke even more when he saw that she had tears in her eyes. 

“Yeah,” She admitted. “It was the only name that made sense to me.” She said, and upon seeing Tim’s confused look, she elaborated. “When I was in labor, I was all alone. It was the middle of the night, and I was woken up by the worst pain I had ever felt. I knew I was in labor, and was so scared of giving birth alone that I drove myself to the hospital. Once I got there, I was so scared, and didn’t want to disturb anyone, so I gave birth alone. The entire time, the only person I wanted beside me, I knew I couldn’t call.” She said, sniffling as she spoke.

“Who?” Tim asked, a little afraid of the answer.

“You.” She said, glancing at Tim. “I wanted you by my side. I wanted you to be there, holding my hand, and encouraging me. I wanted it to be you to be her father, not someone who never wanted her in the first place. But I couldn’t call you.” 

Tim turned his body to face her. “Luce, I would have absolutely came and been there for you had you called me, you know that right?” 

Lucy looked at him, a serious look on her face. “Do I, though?” She asked. “How was I supposed to know if you’d come and support me, after you left me when I needed you the most after I made P2?” She asked, and Tim looked down in shame.

He had done that. She had been struggling with him not being by her side on patrol, and was having separation anxiety and jealousy with him and his new rookie, and he, instead of supporting her and understanding, got mad at her and ended things. Which he immediately regretted, but regretted even more the next day when Grey told him that she had transferred, and hated himself when he went to her apartment, only to find that she was gone. 

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” He said. “I hate that I did that to you. I shouldn’t have just given up on you, on us like that. I should have supported and understood you, not walked away. I regret ending things.” 

“Well, its in the past now.” Lucy said. And Tim sighed sadly. 

“So theres no hope for us, is there?” He asked, and Lucy looked over at him.

“Of course theres hope,” She said, pulling her car into his driveway. “I’ve always had hope that we’d find each other again.” She put the car into park and turned towards him. “I’m glad that you called me.”

“I’m glad you answered.” He said. He then glanced at his front door, then at Maple, before his eyes landed on Lucy.

“Do you want to come in?” He asked, his voice shaking at the implications of what he was asking. 

Lucy smiled at him. “Of course we do.”

#natashasera #chenford #lucy chen #tim bradford #lucy x tim #tim x lucy #tim bradford x lucy chen

[i-am-autistic]

This is an ST rant I been meaning to do for a while

Honestly like the best part of being in fandoms is all the different thigns people create like......idk man Im not even often made to feel bad for the things I post except one or two that I block occasionally. But I see a lot of like Billy fans get a lot of shit and it's like I never gave a shit for Billy and he gave me the ick immediately(as a character in the show). But he was a character for 2 seasons, and enough of him was explored that was sympathetic and relatable and a different view into abuse than any other character. I never understand people who are befuddled that Billy has a fanbase.......like he is a major character in s2 and s3 obviously he has a fanbase. It's incredible to me people think that you can separate parts of the show as if the same writing room and the same writers aren't coming up with it. Im a Jonathan fan and for a long time any engagement about him was like this too....people don't remember that S1/2 Jonathan got treated just like Billy. Now that there's a decent contingent of Jonathan fans on tumblr and reddit and such you can actually talk about and engage with the character but in s1/s2 the only way to do it was to search AO3 tags because his tumblr tag was dead and everyone on reddit hated him. And it's just like you can't take out one part of the show(especially characters that are so crucial to their seasons) and say this is evil and not part of the show and all these other parts are fine and cool and cute and memeable but this other thing is so ugly and should be ignored. Which is the reaction I feel some people have to certain things in shows they like and it's such a 2024 response to shit but like can we just be normal about shit PLEASE. You can like a character who has done heinous things man, it is a fictional character they are literally made to be liked and reflect real life people. You are literally allowed and hella valid to do this even if the fanbase is small and people don't want you to and people don't get it and are constantly shouting at you not to. It's literally fandom there is more important things to fight in the world than fans of things that make you uncomfortable in a Netflix show. There is nothing at all wrong with liking a character and relating to one who has done something awful or creepy or nasty. It is literally not real, the actions are not real, there is no real crime, no real victim and no real aggressor because it's not real. Seriously all characters are somewhat of a reflection of the writers and their experiences and play a part in building the world out.....yes even the awfully written ones and the bad racist stereotype ones. and the ones that happen after the show or book series or comic or movie series or whatever "got bad". Those are still part of the story and part of the world. I feel I should clarify Im a brown person because IK people will assume and say awful things in the replies if not. And I'm sure this will still get some hate but I'll just block I ain't responding to shit, if you send stupid stuff in the replies it's just sending hate mail Im just deleting it and not responding.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk (I've wanted to do a Billy post for a while but I don't have a ton of stake in the character so it kept getting pushed back. I hope people who interact with my posts don't stop or block me because of this :(. I understand there is a lot of animosity towards the character but I think that's just sad because it drowns out a lot of discussion about him. I hope it will be understood this is not an endorsement or defense of his racist stuff and bad character traits)

#jonathan byers #Billy hargrove #stranger Things

[thebardisabird]

🌸 HC's about the girlymatsus realizing they have a crush on Fem!Reader? 🌸

Oh we are wlw in this chilis tonight!!!

Osoko highkey freaks out when the realization hits her. Not because she doesn't want to confess or that she can't come to grips with the feeling that she likes you, but that she doesn't know what to SAY. She's always usually so in control of whatever she has going on, but the pounding in her chest she gets when she sees you throws her completely off her game. She's nervous when you guys go to dinner together; like palms sweating, eyes kind of darting everywhere, the whole nine. You eventually have to pry her confession out of her, and it's very squeaked out and she covers her face when she says it (she's terrified of your response) - luckily for her, you actually do feel the same way...and the pressure in her chest releases into soft heartbeats and some out of character shyness on her part. You two end up sharing a pretty heartfelt kiss at the end of dinner however and Osoko reminisces in her studio later that night. She does internally kick herself for being so nervous, this was you she was thinking about! "I can't believe I worried after all that...get it together, Osoko, you did it! You have a girlfriend now!"

Karako straight up goes for it. She's rather fearless when it comes to the things she wants, and you being on that list is no different. When she understands that what she's feeling for you is more than just friendship, she has plans in her head already. She ends up taking you to the park, a little bit of walking and taking in nature as you both actually liked to do often. Then...truly, she'll just come out and say it. It'll be honest; she'll tell you all the things about you that she likes and that she's come to realize that you hold a place in her heart that is much more special than anybody else holds and she would like to date you - as long as you're okay with that. It's said with sincerity, and those eyes of hers, even behind the dark sunglasses, are filled with determination. So when she hears you say yes, she immediately takes your hand, links your fingers together and gives you the most soft smile you think you've ever seen. "I'm glad...you really mean a lot to me, you know. I knew there was something about you that was special."

Choroko has to reel herself in when she thinks about you. Being so used to her yaoi consuming lifestyle, the complete switch into yuri territory was so alien to her. And yet with you...it felt so right. But you were beyond what all the mangas had painted what women loving women to be. With you she felt understood - comfortable even. There were no dramatics, no jealous lovers or intense fights...just plenty of sharing your interests in the comfort of one another. She ends up slipping her arm around yours while you guys are in the manga shop together, and while at first you didn't know what she was doing, the very brilliant red of her blushing cheeks gave you an idea. So when you leaned your head on her shoulder as a response, Choroko feels like she's in a manga; time stops, her heartbeat pounds in her chest. You like her back. You like her back and she's happy and she can't stop herself from wrapping her arms around your waist snuggling into your hair whenever you two sit together after that. "I'm sorry, I missed what you said that Chibi said to Dayo - you just...smell so nice, I got distracted."

Ichiko predicted this actually. Nothing, to her, is on accident and she's another one who is very forward about how she feels. You felt like destiny to her from the time she really got to know you, and there was no way she was letting go of destiny, and in turn - you. Over some cocktails she explains how she deeply cherishes your time together; the connection between you two being so important to her. Her dark eyes watch your reaction, noting your cheeks deepening in their red hue. She smiles, places her hand on yours, and tells you how beautiful you are. It unnerves you, but you retort with the idea that you too think you were meant to be in each other's lives. Ichiko is quick to put her hand your cheek, and before you know it, she has your lips as well. "Fate has brought me many, many interesting things...but you are by far my favorite of them all.

Jyushiko gets dolled up more than usual whenever you two go out together. She didn't realize at first why she wanted to look super nice whenever she was around you, but it makes sense to her finally when she catches her heart skipping after she's done laughing at a joke you told. Her hands comes to her chest, and it's true, her heart really has sped up just a tad while she's thinking about you. She blurts it out without thinking, but immediately hides her mouth as if she's just said something horrible. You stare at her for a second, followed by a giant smile - you're so happy she feels the same way! You both end up squealing at each other, before walking out into Shibuya together, fingers laced and talking about where you want to go for your now romantic date night. "Oh my god, I can't believe we didn't just tell each other sooner! I should've known you were perfect me, duh, you're so my type!"

Todoko likes to think she can play coy when her feelings over you hit her, but she's really an open book. The giggles, the hair-twirling when she's looking at you, the cutesy displays of affection that she swears are just her being "very friendly" - are all extremely obvious. While you're at the coffee shop, you lean forward. In a teasing tone you insinuate that you know she likes you in a romantic way and she freezes. Quickly she gathers herself and tries to stutter out that she doesn't and that you guys are just "really good friends" but her sweating face and her trembling is a dead giveaway. You don't need to do more than simply look at her for about ten seconds before she's actually crying; she admits she's liked you for a long time and she thinks you're incredible and cute and she just wants to date you already. So when she hears you say that you would love that, she hits you with these big, teary brown eyes and asks you if you're being sincere. Your confirmation flips her mood entirely and she links her arm with yours, her bubbly attitude reappearing in an instant. "Let's go right now! I know the perfect place where we can have some Italian for dinner - just you and me..."

#sorry this was totally not headcanons lmao #hopefully still good though! #yay for the girlies! #ososan #osomatsu san #osoko #osoko x reader #karako #karako x reader #choroko #choroko x reader #ichiko #ichiko x reader #jyushiko #jyushiko x reader #todoko #todoko x reader #x reader #wlw #ososan imagines #osomatsu imagines #joshimatsu #girlymatsu

[4townlove]

4⭐Town Daydream: When You Need Me

life has a way of bearing the burden down alot of the time, especially lately. it's hard not to give in to the temptation to swaddle yourself in your duvet and hide from the world, block out the worry and uncertainty and fear with music, or maybe just sleep through the whole thing.

but in times like this, community, or even having that one person you know will always be there to listen to you, comfort you and encourage you when times get rough can make all the difference.

⭐Robaire says...

"My love? Oh, dear. I'm sorry you're not feeling great right now. I just want you to know I'm here.. I will always, always, be here to take care of you. From dawn to dusk, and all the hours in between.

In times like this, when it feels like the lights are so bright you can't see the way out, rest is most important. Getting to know Jesse helped me understand how important balance is, and how much of a difference it can make knowing there's someone there to give a helping hand. So, if there's anything I can do to help you rest better- anything at all- let me know if your own way.

I want nothing more than to know you're well, and to see you smile again. There's nothing in this world more beautiful than your smile."

⭐Jesse says...

"Darling.... I'm sorry it hurts right now. The world can be a cruel place, and when some people in it only add to that pain, it can feel like salt being rubbed into a wound.

It's ok to feel the pain, but know you're not alone in it. I'm with you, I will be by your side as we get through this... together. You're never as alone as you feel. The guys... there's been times when I've gotten really overhwhelmed with keeping up with 4Town responsibilities and being with my kids, but whenever I needed them, they were always there. Always right around the corner to help.

You can count on me, love. Rely on me, and I hope I can help ease the burden."

⭐Tae Young says...

"Hey sweetheart... gosh it's really rough, huh? I... I know how it feels, how lonely and scary it is sometimes, but... if there's anything I've understood from being in 4Town, it's that... the people around you can really make all the difference. The other guys... all of them had something unique to help me feel more stable. from T's stupid jokes but infectious laugh, to Z and Jesse's calm understanding, to Robaire always seeming to have a new perspective for me to look at the challenge from... they've really helped me with my confidence, and feel like I can get through it when life gets difficult.

T-That all to say... I'm right here for you. I'll stay right by your side, we can cuddle, watch a movie, listen to music- whatever you want. I'll be here for you like they've been there for me. And it'll be ok in the end, I promise."

⭐Aaron T says...

"Baby! H-hey... hey... hmm.... that bad huh? I don't blame you for feeling deflated. It... It's not easy to find the silver lining in some situations. It can even feel impossible. There's even some times, I... get a little down too. But don't feel bad for feeling that way. Just like it's good to feel happy when you can, it's also ok to feel sad sometimes too. Z told me that and now I'm tellin' you, because I wanna see you happy and smiling again.

But until then, I'll keep you company and smile for you. Ok?"

⭐Aaron Z says....

"Hey babe. Sorry about everything going on right now.

You don't have to hide the pain from me. I know it well too, so you're in good hands with me. We can do whatever you want that helps you feel safe. I could even sing for you, if you'd like.

Whatever we do, it's important to remember that, in times like this, give yourself space to breathe and rest as much as you need. There's no guilt in taking time away, and coming from me, that really means something. I've always been so focused on endless work but... Robaire really helped me realised that I need time for just me too. Just like, right now, you need time for you.

I'll be here to help. We can rest as long as you need to."

#turning red #4town #4 town #4*town #4townie #4town headcanons #4town x reader #4town robaire #4town jesse #4town taeyoung #4town aaron t #4town aaron z #x reader #f/o #f/o comfort #x reader fluff #💛4town daydreams #⭐headcanons #⭐from 4townlove

[wordsofelie]

Chapter 1

Content Warnings: Manga Spoilers, Post-Time Skip, Friends to Lovers, Enemies? (Or maybe just dense people) to Lovers, Angst, Fluff

Summary: The best way to prevent a broken heart is to tame your feelings, keep them locked in a room. At least that is what Shiroyanagi Natsumi thought. Until, she sees him again, Kuroo Tetsurou, taller, older, prettier. And she realises a heart that longs, hurts more than a heart that breaks.

Words Count: 2.8k

Kuroo Tetsurou - 黒尾 鉄朗

Shiroyagani Natsumi - 白柳夏美

黒 (black) 白 (white)

Scientists say black is the absence of all colours. Artists say it’s the only shade present in all colours. I say you are all of that –presence and absence, light and obscurity, shade and colour.

One of the most annoying tasks she has to do as the freshly-new athletic trainer of the Japan Women's Volleyball Team is to appear in a collaboration video with the coach and the team members. Shiroyanagi Natsumi has always been used to being the tallest girl in her class, which is why in first grade, her parents had made a bet on her career path — it would be whether volleyball player or modelling — but because she hated to be in the spotlight, she chose volleyball. But now, as she stands beside the athletes (and despite being 6’ tall), she feels extremely small. At least she managed to stay in shape thanks to her studies in sports science, I should have gone more to the gym, she thinks anyway.

When her coach broke the news that the sports promotion division of the Japan Volleyball Association wanted to include her in their campaign, she would have given anything to murder the obnoxious, stupid, sadist — and whatever adjective strong enough to express her hate — person in charge of that division.

According to the coach, it is important to bring to light their indispensable job. And what can she say about it, he is her boss after all and she dreamed of working with the Olympic team for years. So, she offered a tense smile and returned to her office.

“Did your dog die?”

Ito Izumi, the regular libero of the team, looks at her with big eyes.

“Of course not, I would be desperate if he did,” Natsumi mutters, a pout appearing on her lips at the mention of the loss of the love of her life, Saba, a cute and fluffy Cavalier King Charles spaniel that Natsumi adopted two-years ago. My child, as she likes to call him.

“Well you do look desperate, Nana.”

Liberos are said to be, well, straightforward. And they need to. At the end of the day, in a game they don’t have time to be precious or cautious, they just have to dive to the floor and end up with a few bruises. Natsumi never understood why one would want to do crazy things like liberos, that’s why she was fine with being a middle blocker in school. As the saying goes, clichés die hard, and Ito Izumi is no exception to the rule. She is in fact Straightforward, frank and a little bit crazy (she also happens to be the best libero of all Japan).

Natsumi only sighs, “I hate photoshoots. And why do I have to be here anyway? If I chose to be an athletic trainer and not a proper athlete it is because I don’t like getting the attention. Argh. ”

Only a few pictures have been taken, yet the athletic trainer already feels exhausted and blinded by the too-bright white lights of the flashes. The two girls are seated in a corner of the studio, taking a water break from all this agitation.

“Eww, I know you don’t like photoshoots.”

“Why are you laughing?” Natsumi asks, eyebrows raised.

“It’s just-” Izumi took a few seconds to wipe away the tears that started to form in her eyes “I just remembered the day of your graduation, when Yaku and I dragged you all the way from the toilets to take a picture.”

Her friend cringes at the mention of the memory, she softly pushes the libero. “Shut up!” Deep down Natsumi feels her heart lighten. Is that nostalgia from a time when one did not have to think about taxes and bosses and grocery shopping and whatever adult responsibility?

“I remember how Suzuki-sensei screamed at Yaku for entering the girls’ toilets.”

“He turned all red.”

They laugh so loud the make-up team turns and gives them suspicious looks.

“See, I know this would make you smile.”

Natsumi looks at Izumi, offering her a soft smile. “You always know how to make me smile.”

And this is as true as the law of gravity. Izumi never fails to make her friends smile. The girls met in high school. They both went to Nekoma, known to be a powerhouse for volleyball. Natsumi was one year above Izumi. When the latter became a first year, Natsumi was made vice-captain of the female team. She remembers when Izumi entered — or rather burst into the gymnasium. She’s so loud, everyone thought. She was grounded by the captain and had to take care of the cleaning for a whole month. One time, when Natsumi stayed a little longer to train her serves after a defeating match, Izumi told her how happy she was to be in this team. Natsumi found her naive at first, they had just lost, and terribly, how could she be happy? But as she looked at her, cleaning the polished wooden floor and acclaiming every action her teammates made, Natsumi smiled. That day, she discovered that Izumi wasn’t just loud and naive, she had a gift, one of putting the smile back on your face. Whether it was when Yaku hurt his ankle during his last high school tournament, when Kenma forgot to save his progress on dragon quests or when Kuroo turned silent for a whole month when Natsumi announced she was leaving for America. Her presence itself brings joy.

“Do you have news from Yaku by the way?” Natsumi asks.

“Of course I have. He came back from Russia last month. You know, It’s not because he broke my heart ten years ago that I resent him.” Izumi puffs out her chest, trying to express the little pride she has left through her posture.

“This sentence itself makes it obvious that you’re not over it.”

“I-well, you know how I am. I have a crush on a guy-”

“On a libero you mean.”

“Alright, alright, on a libero. I have a thing for liberos. Anyway. I confess to him. He says I’m a pain in the ass. I get over it and find a new gu-libero. That’s called the circle of life. That happened in high school with Yaku, with that Nishinoya guy, the list is long. My new target is the cutie cutie Komori from the boys’ team though.”

For anyone foreign from the situation, Izumi could be diagnosed with Emophilia. But Natsumi has known her friend for over a decade now, nothing could surprise her anymore when it comes to Izumi’s love life.

“Anyway. We’re having dinner with the boys tonight, wanna come with us? Just like the good old days.”

Natsumi knows what “good old days” mean, she knows who that includes, and as strong and independent and tough she may be, she doesn’t feel ready yet.

But maybe that’s the point of life, jumping off the cliff when one feels the least ready.

But she gets up. Somehow being in the spotlight of the cameras and getting yelled at by the photograph is less scary than where this conversation is leading to.

“I am deeply, deeply, sorry for being late.”

An infuriating, sarcastic voice resonates in the studio — or as it sounds like to the athletic trainer. That doesn’t stop her from turning around as fast as the light.

Taller. Older. Prettier. That is how Kuroo Tetsurou reflects in Natsumi’s eyes as he makes his entrance.

“Kuroo-san!” Coach Watanabe runs towards the man. “Kuroo-san, it’s good to see you.” He energetically shakes his hands.

“There was an accident on the road, I’m very sorry.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine! Listen, girls.” The older man shouts to capture everyone’s attention. As if Natsumi’s eyes were not already glued on the tall silhouette of what appears to be a ghost. Am I time travelling? She asks herself. No way, no way, Kuro would never wear a suit.

She’s not dreaming. He is indeed wearing a suit. A black suit, making his thighs look as muscular as ever. A red tie, reminding her of his Nekoma’s jersey. A few buttons of his white shirt loose, probably in an attempt to get some fresh air — Tokyo summers are cruel — all of that means only one thing, Kuroo Tetsurou is no longer a teenager. No longer the captain of the volleyball team. No longer an awkward eighteen-year-old boy unable to confess his feelings for his best friend from the opposite gender.

When Kuroo catches sight of her, his whole world seems to be still. Did colours disappear?

“Shiro?” he whispers awkwardly, too low to make the coach stop his presentation.

“This is Kuroo Tetsurou, he is in charge of the sports promotion division of the Japan Volleyball Association. He was the one suggesting the brilliant idea of this campaign.”

So this is the obnoxious, stupid, sadist person Natsumi wanted to murder a couple of days ago. Of course, how could it be someone else? How naive of her.

If Kuroo is no longer a teenager, so is Natsumi. Her younger self would have walked past him, giving him a cold shoulder and screaming that he was the most stupid and selfish and stupid  — teenagers do have a limited list of vocabulary — person she knows. How dare he reappear in her work territory now? But her twenty-six-old self clears her throat and manages to find better words than “stupid” and “selfish”.

“Hi, Kuro”.

“Hello there, are you real or is this a very good hologram of Shiro?”

“Even though your hair looks like you just woke up, you’re not dreaming. That is me.”

“Well- I guess you look smaller. And more tanned.”

“You can thank the Californian sun for that.”

Kuroo's heart skips a beat. How could he say thank you to the Californian sun when that same sun was the one who took her from him?

“Tetsuu!” Izumi sings. However, her joy is quickly stopped by the deadly glance Natsumi is giving her.

“Did you know he would come?” Izumi reads in her friend’s eyes.

But liberos are fearless, they like to jump and dive and sometimes, to drown.

So she ignores her and slams the man on the arm, “The captain is looking fine.”

“Izumi, it’s good to see you, it’s been a long time.” (A long, long time indeed.) “How are you? Are you enjoying your new life in Italy?” he asks.

“Ew, our coach is pretty intense. The Italian championship is coming next October, so we need to prepare but apart from that pastas are good, the sun shines, and the wine is fuck-”

“Izumi, we need to go back to the photoshoot.” Natsumi interrupts. “See you later Kuro.”

As she’s about to go to the other side of the studio, Kuroo adds with a smirk. “I did not know you were into modelling now.”

That’s your fault, she wants to say, you were the one proposing this fucking campaign. But instead, she goes for something more sarcastic, after all, she is talking to Kuroo, the king of sarcasm.

“There’s many things you don’t know about me, Kuroo Tetsurou.”

If Natsumi had got up and tried to run away from the “good old days” conversation is certainly not to end up in this precise situation. But here she is, stuck between Yamamoto and Kuroo in the most crowded Izakaya of Shibuya. Izumi is ordering her fourth beer, Asahi, her favourite. Yaku is trying to hide it from her. Lev is eating a cauliflower salad and explaining that he needs to keep his diet clean if he doesn’t want to lose his contract with whatever agency he is working with at that time. Yes, she is having dinner with Izumi and “the boys”.

“Shiroyanagi-san, do you want more fried chicken?” Shibayama asks with his usual polite tone (almost too pure for this world). But Natsumi says no, her hair already smells too much of greasy food, she might need to wash them with a super special shampoo tonight.

Don’t get her wrong, it’s not that she doesn’t want to be here. A reunion with her high school friends could be very enjoyable but the thing is, when she woke up that morning she did not expect to run into Kuroo Tetsurou and even less to eat next to him and feel his shoulder and hand and leg against hers in a small restaurant.

“Isn’t Kenma coming?” she finally asks Kuroo.

“He has this very important livestream tonight, but he might come later.”

“Nice.” She shyly mutters.

Kuroo looks at her sipping her glass of water.

“Is this how this conversation is going to be like?”

“What do you mean?”

If Natsumi did not know Kuroo well she might have thought that his attitude remained unchanged. But she does know him, even separated by years and continents, she knows when he was pissed. And right now, he looks pissed.

“Small talk.” he finally answers. “We haven’t seen each other in years and the only thing you’re asking me is when Kenma arrives.”

“I haven’t seen Kenma in quite some time too.”

That’s how you wanna play, Kuroo thinks.

“Says the girl who left for America.”

From across the table, Yaku overhears his former captain and decides to let Izumi drink her beer. That’s a lost case anyway, she’s already drunk. What matters now is how Natsumi’s eyebrows frown and how she starts scratching her nails, a bad habit she has since forever and that she usually goes back to when she feels uncomfortable.

“It was eight years ago, Kuro, eight years. Do I need to apologise, again?”

“I’m not looking for any apologies.”

“Then what do you want?”

Yaku wants to interfere, he’s good at it, that used to be his job in the team, but as his mouth opens to speak, Inuoka lets out a sound that only he — and probably Shoyo — could understand.

“Heyaaa! More meat is coming.”

Kuroo gets distracted for a second, drifting his attention away from Natsumi. The girl lets herself breathe again and grabs her bag. She has to get out of this place and escape from the noise and the heat of the food in front of her.

When Kuroo turns back, Natsumi is out of sight.

Once safely outside, she gets a cigarette and a lighter from her pocket.

How funny it is that people smoke when they feel stressed, strangled, muffled. Can this be called fighting fire with fire?

“I did not know you smoked.”

Long and blond-dyed hair, yellow eyes, awkward smile. Natsumi would recognize him in a crowd filled with thousands and thousands of people. Or cats.

“What a shame for an athletic trainer, I know the song.”

Kenma chuckled, “As if I would judge your lifestyle when I sleep maybe three hours every night.”

“That’s the prize to pay for being rich and famous.” She lights up her cigarette. “I only smoke when I’m tense or having a drink with my friends though.”

“Which one is it right now?”

“Both.”

Kenma doesn’t reply back so she decides to go a bit deeper and complains about the raven-hair boy.

“Your best friend is the worst. He says I’m only having small talks with him when we haven’t seen each other in years but he blames me for going to college in America. Argh. This was eight years ago, Kenma. Why is he still mad? I hate when he does this with his superior tone and tcht- never mind.”

Her voice has become more nasal and furious as she talks. Anger and cigarettes are not a good combination.

“Guess some things never change.”

Natsumi, back pressed against the wall, sighs, “for sure, he hasn’t changed. He’s still a jerk.”

The good thing about talking with Kenma is that she is free to say whatever she wants, she can even insult his best friend, and he wouldn’t argue.

“What I meant is that you guys have always been kinda awkward.”

“Awkward? What do you mean?”

The boy, already tired of the conversation, crouches down, “You can’t have a proper conversation without fighting. I’ve never seen anyone like you two, or, well, maybe Shoyo and Kageyama are like that. If you were a romantic book you would be, I don't know, what they call academic rivals or something like that.”

“A romantic book? Seriously Kenma, as if…”

The silence questions even more the boy, “as if what? As if you could ever have romantic feelings for him? I don’t really know this kind of stuff so I won’t give any advice but I’m not blind. And neither are you.”

It’s a good thing Kuroo is still inside, she would hate having to discuss that topic with him. “Romantic feelings for Shiro?” She remembers him saying to Kai one evening outside of the changing room, “She’s more like an annoying cousin to me.”

Kenma gets up and she stubs out her cigarette.

“Tell the boys and Izumi I went back home because-”

“You missed your dog.”

That is the easiest and probably most credible lie he can give, so she thanks him with a soft smile and leaves.

She hopes to find solace under her fleece blanket, drinking a hot chocolate buried in whipped cream and with her dog resting on her chest, but when she opens the door of her apartment — a door that needs to be oiled — and is welcomed by the darkness, the silence and the emptiness of the room, she sighs. Soon enough, Saba greets her by whining.

“Hi baby, I missed you.”

The only thing that eases her mind is that tomorrow will be Saturday, no need to go to work, no need to run into him.

She doesn’t have a lot of pictures on her white walls, only a few from high school with Izumi and some from college. As she looks at them she wonders if she should have been to America at all, if she shouldn’t have stayed in Japan instead. With him. But thank gods, she comes back to her senses quickly and regrets ever thinking that. America was great, it was the best decision of her life. She shall not let the guilt intrude upon her mind. Kuro must be getting under my skin. She concludes before going to bed.

Author notes: hey guys ! this is my first fanfic on this account, I hope you enjoyed it. feel free to tell me what you think <3

#kuroo tetsurou #kuroo fanfic #kuroo haikyuu #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu #fanfic #friends to lovers #enemies to lovers #kuroo tetsurō

[h0nkch0c0late]

OKAY, hii!! i just saw your arthur ketch post so here i am with a request!<33

i’d like to ask for an angst with ketch, but without any character dying?? like, i want my heart to break but not because of a death

it can be some kind of an argument or unrequited love, whatever, but i feel like crying while reading lmao

thank you so much!!<33

Thanks for the request @pinchofhoney ! Angst is my speciality <3

ALL OUTTA LOVE

Arthur ketch x Reader

Summary: Your relationship with Ketch used to be solid until one day he got up and left. Now, here you are, helping the Winchesters. Despite Ketch's rendezvous with Mary, his heart still longed for you. But you can't seem to say that you feel the same.

‐----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It wasn't supposed to happen like this.

Meeting him like...this.

But here you are, sitting at the table in the bunker, beer in hand as you stare at the man who marched down the stairs like he wasn't hated by the Winchester brothers.

The same man who left you without a word. No goodbye, no note, nothing.

And yet, he has the audacity to stare at you with wide eyes, a surprised yet happy smile painting his lips as if he had just found his lost love.

In his eyes, he did, and he was absolutely speechless. But the furrowed eyebrows and narrowed eyes did not go unoticed by him as the woman before him took a swig of her beer, her eyes never leaving him.

"It's been quite a while, hasn't it?" Ketch broke the silence with a small chuckle.

You didn't laugh. Instead, you gave him a cold response, "what are you doing here, Ketch?"

His growing smile turned into a frown. He understood why you were acting so rude, considering he left you without a word, but the lack of empathy behind your eyes hurt him more than he'd like to admit.

"Just... here to talk to the brothers Winchester, is all. Are they here?" He asked, beginning to feel nervous due to your unwavering angry gaze.

Without skipping a beat, you answered him, "no, they're out right now. What'd you need them for?"

"Well, the British Men of letters-"

"No." You stated, taking another swig of your beer.

Ketch was taken aback, "I wasn't finished-"

"You want them to join you. Your whole thing is getting them to join you, just like you convinced their mother. It's not gonna happen, Ketch." You stated, suddenly uninterested in finishing the alcohol in your hand.

He felt his heart almost crack. At the moment, he didn't understand why. It was the fact that you had called him by his last name, just like everybody else. You had never done that before, and yet this was the second time that day you had.

He began to walk closer to you, and the way you slightly flinched did not go unnoticed by him.

"Look, you have to understand why I left..." He began, pulling a chair to sit in and face you.

You shook your head, "No, i understand now. You chose your work over me, Ketch. Your work was more important to you than I was."

Ketch clenched his jaw, "Love, if I had a choice, I would have never left you..."

It was true. And yes, he always tried his best not to let his emotions control him, nor have emotions at all. It's why he had started that entire thing with Mary Winchester. No feelings were involved.

But the one thing he could never rid of, was his love for the woman in front of him. But, luckily for him, nobody else knew that. You were his hidden weakness, and he would have liked it to stay that way. But now, you were working with the brothers Winchester. Any sort of chance of buttering them up enough to get them to join was now gone.

You hated him, and he knew that. You wanted him dead just as much as Sam and Dean.

But part of him hoped, WISHED, that you still felt the same as he did.

You shook your head and scoffed, "Don't call me love. You don't get that right. Not anymore. And that is such bullshit because you DID have a choice. You could have told me."

He began to reach for your hand, his eyes beginning to glisten, "if I told you, I would have put you in danger. I didn't want to do that."

You tore your hand away from him, finally breaking eye contact, "No. That's just not true."

"Love, you have to believe me. I...I..." His voice quivered, his attitude now foreign to himself.

Your body began to shake. From anger or sadness, you did not know, "You what?"

"I love you." He stated against his better judgement.

You stood up from your chair abruptly, hands tightening into fists to stop them from shaking so much, turning away from him and shaking your head furiously, "no you don't. Don't fucking say that."

He stood up as well, "it's true. I love you, and I never stopped."

"Yeah, well I did." You snapped, turning towards him, "I stopped loving you as soon as you disappeared from me. I stopped loving you the moment you decided that it was "safer," not to tell me. I stopped loving you the moment you decided to attack the Winchester boys, and then think that they'd suddenly switch to your side as if none of that ever happened." Your eyes began to water with tears. You always were a crier when you were angry or frustrated. It wasn't of your own accord. Of course, it was just your body's way of letting out those emotions.

Ketch froze in his spot. And suddenly, it was like his heart shattered into a million pieces. "Well... if the brothers aren't here, I should go."

You crossed your arms, "Yes. I think that would be best." You tried your best to hold in your tears. Not because you just admitted to your old lover that you didn't love him anymore, but because of the anger that consumed you just by looking at his face.

Ketch took a deep breath, "Well then. Goodbye." He nodded, before beginning to walk away.

Silence followed him as you watched him go, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of you at least giving him a goodbye.

----------------------------------------------------------

@pinchofhoney I hope you enjoyed it! And cried! It's a little bit late, I know, but I tried my best! :)

#x reader #imagine #angst #arthur ketch x reader #arthur ketch #supernatural

[seldaryne]

1, 6 and 11 for Velrith!!

What circumstances led to your Dark Urge becoming their Class/Subclass?

The short version is that she felt like it was a natural decision after a lifetime of being "wrong" in her own skin.

Velrith often found (& still finds) herself in the position of feeling as though she interacts with the world from within a glass box. There's always been something that's prevented her from fully connecting with the people around her, including her adoptive parents. She might have perfectly understood the rules to a game the children in her neighbourhood played with each other, but she doesn't get their jokes and her typical pensive stare makes them feel uncomfortably watched. She's always been able to correctly mimic the physical 'steps' that everyone else seems to operate with, but she knows that she's missing some vital, unspoken part of them that'd actually have her integrating seamlessly.

Knowing all of that, it makes sense that when she started to hit her teens, she decided that her energy would be better spent being useful to the people around her. Don't mistake it for exactly being at peace with her shortcomings, though, because she probably would have given literally anything to "perform" properly. She just learned early on that her own choice was acceptance; change was too impossible. Taking up an Oath of Devotion in her late teens gave her an ethical set of principles to follow in unfamiliar situations, and also put her in a position where she could always make herself useful/helpful.

If an object is broken, you fix it. If it can't be fixed, you repurpose it. If it can't be repurposed, you throw it away. Velrith figured that if she was always on the outside, then she's the broken object. The closeness the world outside of her glass box seemed to enjoy just... wasn't for her. So it was better to let her life be used for something objectively positive, and acquire worth via her actions. And if she died in the process, she always figured it wouldn't be much of a loss or sacrifice.

(Naturally, a certain someone didn't appreciate this dedication to the greater good & decided it was time to cut her ties, being embraced by the cult soon after. As far as the neighbours are concerned, cultists are responsible for the murder of the couple & the kidnapping of their adoptive daughter.)

6. How does your Dark Urge react to waking up with memory loss?

Surprisingly... alright?

On the surface, you might mistake her apparent lack of action or concern for passiveness. In truth, she's deep in observation, taking in all of her surroundings & trying to piece them together into a coherent explanation. It also helps that the one thing she does remember is her Oath, and as far as she's concerned, if that's the only thing in her head, then it must be important to follow it. Thanks to the tunnel-visioned focus on the tenets, she's able to cope. She's also generally someone who's more logic-driven than anything else, and doesn't typically react emotionally until she's sorted things out first. Panicking won't really help her, but keeping a cool head seems like it could be more effective. It's a bit inconvenient to not have a name for some time, but she eventually settles on Velrith & that's no longer an issue. She was also operating on the assumption that this was just a side effect of the parasite, thanks to Shadowheart's experience, but eventually concluded it was unrelated.

It's slightly frustrating to not know her own likes or dislikes, so she does her best to at least enjoy the curiosity of rediscovery. It was an absolute delight to try a pomegranate for what was functionally the first time ever, and she decided it was her favourite fruit that day. There are songs and stories to hear anew, facets of herself that she needs to unearth, and it's all up to her. It's not unusual to catch her stopped off to the side somewhere, almost visibly etching something new into her memory, eyes bright and transfixed on whatever the source of her quiet (often delighted) fascination may be. Even if something seems stupid or childish, 9/10 times she'll volunteer to do it too if the offer for attendance is made. She once disappeared for half the afternoon at camp with Yenna, only to be found a little way off in a field very seriously listening to the girl's instructions on the creation of flower crowns.

As flickers of the past slowly start dripping in, there's a part of her that wants to know more. On some level, she thinks she needs to so that she can properly atone. On the other hand, the scraps she has are pretty horrific. She was fully prepared to die as herself at the hand of Bhaal, and felt that it would be a justified end for all the pain she's inflicted in her lifetime. But if she's to live on, she's going to try and balance things out with her present actions.

11. What motivates your Dark Urge to either embrace or resist the Urge?

At first, resisting is the only thing that makes sense in her mind. The Urge stands in direct contrast with her Oath, and she fundamentally refuses to let herself break that. If she loses that, she loses what is genuinely the sole thing she remembers about herself for a sustained amount of time.

(She has, in fact, previously broken it twice. Once, when Bhaal forced her hand into murdering her parents. Her rise in the cult wasn't exactly voluntary. Her actions were mostly her own, but truly, whatever optimism she had managed to scrap together growing up was completely crushed by Bhaal with that one incident. Convincing her that the only thing she was able to do was hurt people was easy; she was broken, after all, so perhaps that was always meant to be how she was used. The other incident was accidental, during a fight in the Underdark. That one shattered her, because she was trying so hard to prove she could be more than her Urge, and she still failed. She took it up again, but the painful, terror-filled memory remains.)

But once she realizes what she is, it becomes a life-or-death matter. If it comes down to it, she's going to cut herself down if it means she gets to die with her own mind. She's fought too hard to feel like a person, to put together a version of herself that she feels comfortable letting other people see. There's too much there to give it up now, and for what? A god who didn't even bother to make her whole? Who gave her a fractured ability to connect, but forgot to remove the longing for community? Knowing her intended purpose fills her with an immeasurable amount of grief, and the only thing she knows how to do with that overwhelming feeling is wield it against the Urge. At least that feels a bit less hopeless.

dark urge asks.

#tyyyy for the ask<3 #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #the dark urge #durge #oc tag #velrith #sometimes a bhaalspawn's personal growth journey can be something so personal #she'll keep trying out of sheer determination but she Still feels like she's missing something important :') #doesnt think she knows how love properly (incorrect she loves So Much its just the alexithymia jyghdf) #like yeah #shes not SUPER expressive but the way she'll like. tilt her head and listen to every word you say #or how soft her eyes can be sometimes or how much she just Pays Attention & does her best to be present for someone #baby you aren't missing anything or broken i promise. your parents didn't know you & those kids were just mean. #man i hurt my feelings a bit with that last paragraph hgfsd

[emberkeelty]

So there's been a lot of talk about Belos in those last moments, including from me, and now I want to talk about Luz.

A lot of Owl House fandom seems to have latched on to the idea that Luz is irresponsible - because she ran away from a world that was treating her badly, because she spent a big chunk of Wing It Like Witches not taking things seriously and got her friends hurt before correcting course, or for any number of reasons. But I think that's looking at it the wrong way around.

Luz is a very average amount of selfish and impulsive. She makes mistakes at about the same rate as anyone else. But her mistakes stand out more than other people's precisely because she is actually a remarkably responsible person: she's always quick to acknowledge her own mistakes, and she doesn't make excuses for them, and the narrative, which is largely from her perspective, treats them with that same seriousness.

This quality of hers is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, she is unfailingly great at buckling down and fixing whatever can be fixed without complaining about what it costs her. Undertaking the Bat Queen's trials to make things up to Owlbert, doing menial work for the Blights to try to get Amity out of trouble with them… She's not like Belos, recoiling at every twinge of guilt and turning all the blame back on his victims, or like Lilith in season 1, so obsessed with her own absolution that guilt becomes self-pity and increasingly destructive, selfish action. In Through the Looking Glass Ruins, her getting Amity's library job back happens entirely off-screen, because at this point we know Luz, and we know how she handles things like this, and we can picture it all easily. I like to think that that's the moment that broke Amity's composure and led to the first kiss not only because it was such a sweet thing that Luz did for Amity, but because it was such a Luz thing, just a perfect encapsulation of the person who Amity loves.

On the other hand, when she makes a mistake that can't be fixed, she ends up spiraling into self-destruction, futilely punishing herself in ways that help no one. Even if it was a mistake made with the best of intentions and there was no way she could possibly have predicted the negative consequences it would have, if there's nothing she can do to correct it, she feels like a horrible person who everyone will rightfully hate. The most obvious and important example of this is the "I helped Belos" guilt that comes to a head in For the Future, and the conclusion of that episode reveals what's always been driving it. Her deepest wish, the desire that's strong enough to awaken her palisman, is to be understood. This comes up in the context of her guilt because her guilt comes from other humans never understanding her. At school, whenever a problem occurred that could be traced back to an action she took, her intentions were treated as irrelevant: it was just her being a Bad Kid who needed to fix herself. She took that lesson to heart, and it's been hurting her this whole time.

It's still hurting her at the beginning of the final episode. Even after her breakthrough, there's still a part of her that believes she deserves to die, deserves to be killed by her own friends, that surely they're all going to turn on her at any second because one time she helped someone who turned out not to deserve it and who went on to do things more horrible than anyone could have imagined. It's easier for her to believe that than to believe that Amity would misquote the Azura books. (Though I do wonder - where did that misquote come from? Was it a different part of Luz's subconscious fighting back to wake herself up? Or was it Amity, unable to break the mind control outright, slipping through a message that she knew Luz would understand? I don't think it was just a mistake on the Collector's part, because the rest of the nightmare seemed far too accurate to Luz's fears and the other kids' voices and experiences for him to have been controlling it that closely.)

Maybe some of that hurt is starting to heal by the time the Collector makes nearly the exact same mistake that's been eating her alive, and she responds by offering them the sort of understanding that she always desperately needed but still isn't used to receiving: You did good. It's just complicated.

Which brings us here.

Staring down the same sad eyes he had when she met him for the first time (chronologically and from his perspective) and immediately rescued him from the demons whose brother he'd murdered. She's had plenty of time since then to think through the complications, and now here she is, faced with another choice between stepping in to help him or stepping aside and letting the Isle and its denizens take their revenge.

So, in the end, she does get a chance to meaningfully correct that mistake. She doesn't need to correct it for personal redemption - you did good, it's just a little more complicated - but she is going to anyway.

She's always been responsible like that.

#the owl house

[granulesofsand]

Hay, I hope you’re having a nice day.

Do you have any tips about dealing with survivors guilt, especially around m*rder.

We are trying to come to terms that we:

A. Where a literal child, much less one who understood the extent of the situation 

B. That we are to not blame for someone death, no matter what our handler said 

There is a few more things to be said, but honestly my brain is way too foggy to even try to process it. 

Easing Guilt

I had to take a few therapy sessions for this one. CW for death, torture, forced perpetration, RAMCOA, guilt and shame. Though I do appreciate the greetings with asks, they do sometimes read like a punch in the gut.

This article is about coercion under torture, but I read it and found pieces helpful for less related guilt. https://drive.google.com/drive/mobile/folders/1FqT248H1e6w9P2zWheTnaMXsrvT-ZqzJ/1M7i7t3WBPwrcjtIlb6ii4XD8zyRd6Fza?usp=drive_link&sort=13&direction=a

This should take you to the Legion system’s Drive, which has a bunch of other RAMCOA resources.

Guilt vs Shame

Treating each other with respect and dignity is good for relieving guilt. Adult perpetrators shovel shame onto alters they want to keep cooperative, and holding space for those actions makes it easier to move away from that. Turning the “I am bad” to “I did something bad” and eventually resolving that.

Regardless of whether a death is caused by forced perpetration or external circumstances, it’s in the past. You are here now, and you can move forward into a better future.

Responsibility

For those who were hurt but not killed by others, even others who were significantly older than they, many don’t hold those people in a negative light. In the linked text, page 18 (2nd page under VI) talks about co-victims holding their coerced perpetrator blameless.

I’ve heard of adults in combat from both ends, one endlessly guilty and the other holding them without contempt. The same chapter, about a paragraph down, mentions a young girl who releases her perp and the perps before him.

Not everyone forgives the hurt caused to them, but many survivors do believe “justice” is less about retribution and more about guaranteeing safety for themselves and healing for their abusers. I say “abuser” because this comes from Judith L Herman’s book, Truth and Repair, which is not about forced perpetration.

So you are allowed to move forward without knowing how they would feel. If you want, you can consider it a kindness to them to heal. To live a life that they can’t, and to make your life meaningful to you. You are what is left behind.

Moving On

Depending on your faith tradition, you may want to outwardly show penance of some kind. Not to suffer, but to demonstrate your care for this history. Some of us hold safe ceremonies for those that they hurt, offering things they know or think they might like and providing what closure we can for both whatever remains of them and ourselves.

It can be difficult if you had a bond with the dead or if you did not know or care for them. You might change your assumptions about what happened and your role in it based on that, which can effect your grief and guilt.

That’s important, I think; making your guilt into grief. I don’t know that the pain we feel will ever fully dissipate, but it does get lighter. There’s a peace you can find as you go.

As a Victim

Having seen both sides myself, I don’t hold the children who hurt us at all liable for what happened, even the few who got close to killing us and probably think they did.

Some were in the same boat as us, and even then we forgave them long before ourselves or each other. Others were being hurt in another context or simply weren’t receiving appropriate care.

They were so young. I think it’s only in the upper 20s that I might consider someone responsible, but I don’t feel that anger. I agree with that book, I want to be away from them and I want them to be better. I think I worry more about the children who hurt us than anything.

If I could reach them, I would want them to know how much they deserve to heal. I don’t think of them as bad or dirty or anything else, I just want them to please be okay. I wish it hadn’t happened, but I feel worse for however my pain was interpreted for them than anything they did to me.

I’m not going to ask for more context, but we might be more helpful if you are ever okay with sharing details. We are not qualified to be a therapist, but we can handle a vent if that’s something you need.

#forced perpetration #survivor’s guilt #tw ramcoa #ramcoa #torture #mentions of violence #guilt #shame #did osdd #osddid #cdd system #dissociative identity disorder #did system #polyfragmented system #ramcoa system

[lucysweatslove]

Because y’all are so invested in my family drama (actually because I am so annoyed).

I tried to talk to my sister per my mother’s request. I rationalized it with “well maybe she has actually figured out she’s hurtful so I’ll try to hear her apology.”

This is when she tried the “I’m sorry you were hurt” and “I’m sorry I’ve made you so upset” apologies. Not apologies because they focus on my feelings and not the actions she took that lead to the feelings. It implies the issue is how I feel, not in how she acted.

I attempted to tell her how that wasn’t an apology and tried to reiterate very clearly: you invalidated me and my life experiences. You maintained that your experiences were better or more than mine and more valuable. This is disrespectful to me as a person.

She still didn’t get it. She continued to not apologize, really, claiming she HAD apologized, and demanding I apologize because by saying she has seemed stressed, tired, etc, I was trivializing her experience, when what I was doing was explaining and rationalizing to me and to our mother why I think she is particularly volatile, and why I am trying to be very kind with my words and not go for the low-blows she went for.

The low-blow involved a huge dig at our mother too so I was frank that we know what the low blow was and that it would be counterproductive to bring up the specifics again in this setting. My sister claimed to never have dealt low-blows.

So I decided nope we don’t need to do this in a chat my mom can read, if she won’t even own up to a very intentional low blow. So I texted her individually reminding her of exactly what she said and that btw I wasn’t gaslighting, I had ignored one topic (that she was repeatedly rehashing btw) to address other topics and because hey I have a shit working memory, I forgot to address it.

Because she felt manipulated and began to question her sanity, THAT was “gaslighting” to her, because the impact matters more than the intent when it comes to the language used to describe the events. We argued about the semantics of this too- my stance is connotation matters more than denotation, as “gaslighting” is very emotionally charged for us and has a connotation of malice, whereas what I did was not malicious. For me, it is very important my intent is understood- not used as an excuse to keep causing harm but understood that it is the harm was not caused maliciously, to not assign malice to my actions when malice is not there.

She wanted me to promise to never unintentionally manipulate/ “gaslight” her by blocking, diverting, or “trivializing” and to “take responsibility” without blaming my working memory because in her mind I’m using my working memory as an excuse and it’s not the actual problem, it can’t be an actual problem. I tried to say: I can promise to never intentionally manipulate, gaslight, etc, but the thing with unintentional impacts is that you don’t know and can’t anticipate them (because it’s not malicious), so it is an impossible promise. I CAN promise that when unintentional harms occur from my actions, I can apologize for those harms and seek to rectify. But nobody can get rid of unintentional harms entirely.

She didn’t like this but whatever.

Eventually she gave very half assed apologies like “I’m sorry I tried to assert boundaries, invalidating you.” First, no you did not ever say “this is a boundary and here is what I will do if you step over it.” Second, I couldn’t even tell what the boundary was? Are you saying that the boundary is that you will not concede two people can experience the world differently? That your boundary is to be able to repeatedly disrespect me? Idk.

She then demanded apologies from me. I am at a loss for what she thinks I need to apologize for, as I repeatedly tried to understand her emotional state and not antagonize her more than needed to assert myself. So I asked for her help to tell me what words I said or actions lead to her feelings of invalidation. What I heard from her was basically “you didn’t think I have more experience than you” “you didn’t agree with my experience of what kinds of communication people like” and my personal favorite “you gaslit me by maintaining your positions.” I tried to reflect these back to her (in less judgmental language) to ask if I am hearing her right. She said no. I asked her to please help correct what I got wrong. She just said I was once again invalidating her. She has not said anything back.

I figured we were not getting anywhere really, because not only are her apologies still inappropriate and she has not shown any belief she was in the wrong here at all, she seems to want me to concede that I am not her equal, that I am beneath her, and I refuse to do that. Since this whole mediation was so important to mom, I texted her to say look I’m trying, this is where we ended up, i am doubting that this is salvageable right now and maybe ever, but if you think I am asking too much to be seen as an equal and that my experiences can be valid too, let me know. (I do not think it is too much, if she expects that of me then I have bigger family problems)

My mom decided to essentially say that I may not get this but I have to just focus on being okay with however my sister sees and treats me, that she has been doing this in general lately and it’s working for her.

And I honestly lost it. I gave out a very long response that:

Family is not blood but the people you trust in your inner circle, based on mutual respect, seeking each others betterment, need fulfillment, willingness to sacrifice wants for said need fulfillment, etc. Not “I was born into this” or “these people raised me or were raised with me.”

I have been repeatedly emotionally abused by my sister. When I was young I dished it back out. In my adult life I have tried to just accept it and manage my feelings about it, but abuse no matter what is damaging and I am being hurt by it.

My methods of managing my feelings related to her abuse are running thin as she is completely incapable of recognizing her abuse and is now putting it on me: if I call her out and ask for respect, she claims I am abusing her.

I am hurt by her implication that I should continue to take my sister’s abuse and just let it happen.

I have been asked to ignore my needs for others in the family repeatedly. I did take a lot in my adolescence and had very high needs so maybe I just took too much then, but I also think some of my very high needs back then we’re because my needs were ignored when I was even younger.

I am unsure if she really has felt safe asserting all of her needs and question if because she ignores her needs for others, she expects me to do the same.

She can claim this works for her but I have seen resentment in her for this. I have also seen her work on her resentment, but she does not consider that she could change the situation, only her thoughts, to manage the feeling. [implication that I didn’t outright say: if a situation repeatedly leads to resentment, your resentment may not be the “bad” thing that needs to be changed but the warning bells that you need a different situation]

Abuse is absolutely never okay and you cannot just will yourself to be okay with it. It is always damaging and will be damaging to even the strongest and most self assured person.

I will not tolerate abuse from anybody.

If somebody I see as family continues to abuse me, they are NOT my family. If the abuse is unintentional, I can consider opening back up for them once they work on their shit and understand they were abusive and actually apologize for said abuse. But I will not give them access to me to continue to abuse me.

My mom texted me back but I haven’t read it yet. It’s just crazy to me that I have to assert and remind them that hey, emotional abuse is happening, it’s been happening to me for as long as I can remember, I’m not absolved of any guilt and have been abusive at times too but to avoid constant contention I allowed myself to just be a whipping post, and now that I actually respect and love myself, I refuse to let that happen again. And that putting your foot down and being able to say “no you cannot abuse me” IS strength. And that ABSOLUTELY NOBODY should be expected to tolerate abuse, especially not just because they are family.

#personal

[ghostlygeto]

okay last one for now, because I don't want to overwhelm you or anything.

"you deserve better than me" from the angst prompts with keishin, preferably with a fluff ending if possible though, please? <3

okay so i KNOW it says preferably a fluff ending, but you said it was okay if i posted this anyway and i’ve been sitting on it for ages so i am going to. i promise i will give you the most teeth rotting fluff for ukai if you want it next, just to make up for this lol

pairing: ukai keishin x reader

warnings: angst, breakup, hurt/no comfort, just sad shit but <3 part 2 here

wc: 650

“You deserve better than me.”

Ukai hated having to pick between practicing longer and coming home to you. Because even though you were the most important thing in his life, he felt it easier to let down one person than to let down twelve. And of course for awhile you understood, you'd get most of the day together anyway. Hanging out in the store during your shifts during the day, sleeping next to each other at night. 

But it got old fast, Ukai coming home well past midnight because he had been at a late practice with the boys and then discussing tactics over drinks with Takeda. Even in the time you did have together before he left for practice, it felt like you never spoke. He was busy talking to Takeda over the phone or watching old games and practice matches or coming up with new formations. It didn't matter if you'd try to talk to him, he would just hum in response or give a simple "yeah". You knew he wasn't listening.

You weren't sure when the thought came to mind. But when he had stood you up after promising to be home for dinner, you knew what you had to do. It was 8pm on a Friday, and you knew at this rate he'd be there for another two hours. But you needed to get this out now. You needed to go to the gym and tell him everything.

It was a short walk to the gym, but a cold one. You regretted not changing into pants before leaving your shared home, but you were sure that if you had given yourself anymore time to think you may have talked yourself out of it. So there you were, outside the school's gym door in shorts and one of his hoodies that was far too big on you.

"Keishin," You called out, taking everyone in the gym by surprise. It seemed like everyone stopped what they were doing when they saw you. And you say his face drop, "Can you come out here please? I want to talk to you."

All he did was nod, telling the boys to go back to doing whatever it was moments prior before joining you outside and closing the door behind him. "y/n, I'm so sorry. It completely slipped my mind, I promise I will make it up to you tomorrow."

"I don't think you'll have to do that," You took a deep breath in, "I can't do this anymore, Keishin. You've been so absorbed into volleyball lately that you've barely spoken to me. You promised you'd be home tonight but you're still here. As always."

It didn't feel real, not for one second. You hadn't said it yet, but you didn't need to. He knew where you were going with this. "I love you, y/n. Please don't do this now. You deserve better than me, I know you do. But I can fix this. Give me a chance."

"I love you, I do. More than anything I've ever loved before. But I can't handle being in a relationship with someone who is never there anymore," You finally let the tears fall from your eyes, "I'm going to my friend's house tonight. I'll be by tomorrow and Sunday to get my things. Goodbye, Ukai."

The use of his last name was the final nail in the coffin. He felt his legs start to give out underneath him as you walked away. He couldn't fight it. He knew he had been doing wrong by you lately, but didn't realize it had gotten so bad. He figured he could make it up to you as soon as they have gotten past the game they were prepping so hard for.

As it turns out, when it comes down to it, letting down one person hurts much, much worse than letting down twelve.

angst sentence starters

comments, requests, reblogs, nd likes appreciated &lt;3

#haikyuu #coach ukai angst #ukai keishin angst #ukai x reader #coach ukai x reader #coach ukai #ukai keishin x reader #ukai keishin #haikyuu ukai #ukai x y/n #ukai x you #mine !!