#because I’m working all day Saturday before it

[janeyseymour]

Scrubs- pt 2

part 1

for @sweetpinkstrawberriez with the prompt: the reader getting to meet the rest of Melissa’s family

*entirely unedited*

WC: 3.75k

Since that first seventeen minute, quite the unconventional first date, you and Melissa have been on a multitude of other dates. Some are in between little lulls and breaks that you have during your shifts, some are dinner dates when you’re able to make it work, and others are overnight when all you can do is collapse onto the couch with her and curl into her figure to fall asleep after a particularly hard shift. It’s not conventional by any means, but the two of you make it work. And you find yourself falling for her more and more. But nothing is official between the two of you, not yet at least. Nobody has brought up the words ‘girlfriend’ or ‘partner’ or ‘significant other’. So you remain in a little bubble of limbo land. You’re oddly okay with that if it means that you continue to get to see her.

“I have off tomorrow and the next day if you wanted to do anything,” you tell the woman you’re seeing softly over the phone.

“I unfortunately am not available tomorrow,” Melissa tells you. “Nonna is having everybody over for a luncheon to prove that her stroke was ‘bullshit’. But Sunday, I would love to see you.”

“Yeah,” you smile into the device. “I’ll see you Sunday. Tell Bea I’m glad she’s feeling better.”

So, Melissa shows up to her nonna’s on Saturday alone. And immediately upon being spotted, Bea is pestering the redhead.

“Where is that pretty girlfriend of yours?”

“What do you mean?” Green eyes are rolled. “I don’t have a girlfriend, Nonna.”

“Y/N, the nurse?” Bea says as though it’s obvious. “Your ma says you’re still seeing her relatively frequently, and everyone else’s significant others are here, so she should be here too.”

“Nonna,” the redhead sighs. “She’s not my girlfriend, she’s not my significant other, she’s not my-”

“You’ve been on dates?” A nod of the head. “You’ve kissed her?” Another nod. “You have feelings for her and still see her?” One final nod. “So, you’re dating. She’s your girlfriend whether you want her to be or not.”

“Unofficially,” Melissa tells her grandmother.

“So invite her over,” Nonna instructs. “And before you try to lie to me and tell me that she’s working, I already know that she isn’t.”

“And how would you know that?” the second grade teacher asks, eyes narrowing.

Bea just smirks. “I know a guy. Now go call her and invite her over. If you don’t, I will.”

You’re sitting out on your front porch reading a book on this exceptionally nice day when your phone starts to buzz to life next to you. Melissa’s smiling face is on the screen, and you can’t help but furrow a brow as you place your book down and answer your phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey hun,” you hear her deep voice, and it sounds somewhat agitated.

“Hey,” you turn your voice to butter. “Is everything okay? I know you said you were supposed to be at Bea’s house right now.”

“I am,” Melissa sighs. You don’t know it, but she’s rubbing her temple as she prepares to ask you this question. “Are you doing anything right now?”

“Besides sitting on my front porch reading my book? No. Why? What’s up?”

“How would you feel about coming over to Nonna’s? She’s practically begging for you.”

Your eyebrows creep up your forehead. “Uh, yeah, sure. Send me the address?”

“I’ll just come pick you up,” Melissa tells you. “I’m not far from your place anyhow… only about ten minutes.”

When she pulls up to your house, you’re sitting there looking effortlessly beautiful in a sundress and a light bit of makeup. She makes her way out of the car and up your steps.

“You didn’t have to get out of your-”

She shushes you with a soft kiss as she pulls you in gently by the waist. You’re left somewhat breathless as you pull apart, although you aren’t sure why. It wasn’t an intense kiss by any means- maybe it’s because you’re swooning at the softness of her touch this time.

“You look beautiful,” she compliments you quietly.

“Thank you,” you smile softly as you tuck a few stray hairs behind her ear. “You look… wow, Mel.”

“I look like I always do,” the redhead laughs softly. “Probably worse considering we’re all just hanging out at Nonna’s house. We should probably get going too, before I hear anymore from Nonna. She’s already texted me eight times since I left her house… ten minutes ago.”

You allow her to lead you to her car and climb in. When you pull into a spot, your eyes go just the slightest bit wider at the amount of cars in the driveway as well as running up and down the street.

“Don’t let it get to you,” she tells you softly. “It looks like a lot of people, and it is; but everyone is spread out and doing their own things.”

You hum softly in response before undoing your seatbelt. You climb out of the car. By the time you’re closing the door and spinning around to face the house again, Melissa’s hand is in your own and squeezing gently- as if silently telling you that it’s all going to be alright. 

The two of you make the trek up to the house, and as soon as she’s opening the door, all eyes land on you. Well, those who are in the front room- including Bea Schemmenti herself.

“There she is!” the matriarch of the family claps her hands in delight. “Oh, Y/N! Get over here!”

You chuckle as you drop Melissa’s hand gently and make your way over to your former patient. She’s hugging you tightly, kissing both cheeks of yours, and telling you that she’s absolutely thrilled you’re here.

“Glad to be here,” you smile softly, a deep shade of red creeping into your cheeks. Nonna only continues to hold herself close to you until you feel Melissa’s presence.

“Nonna, let her go,” the redhead rolls her eyes as she takes your hand back into her own. When Kristen Marie coughs and looks at her expectantly, the woman sighs. “Guys, this is Y/N. She was one of Nonna’s nurses at the hospital-”

“That I did not have to be in!” Bea interjects.

“And we’ve been hanging out for the past month or so,” Melissa finishes.

The family just eyes you warily before turning back to their conversations. The teacher just pulls you along into the kitchen, offering you a drink. You smile and gratefully take a glass of wine as she pulls herself out a beer.

She gives you a tour of the house, holding your hand the entire time as she does so. She introduces you to everyone in the family with a smile on her face, but she never once uses the word ‘girlfriend’. You don’t much mind- the two of you haven’t spoken of it. That is, until she’s showing you the last room- the den where all of the kids hang out.

With such a big family, there are about ten kids playing in the den. It’s loud, it’s exciting, it’s everything that you would expect from a bunch of rowdy kids. But upon ‘Aunt Lissa’s’ entrance, they go silent and wide eyed. They’re only that way for a second though before they’re all cheering and tackling her in hugs to the point that she has to drop your hand to hold onto a few of the little ones as she tumbles to the floor. 

“Good grief,” the redhead groans playfully as she pulls herself up from the floor. “I told youse, Aunt Lissa is getting too old to tackle, and youse are getting too big.”

They all just give her cheeky and not at all apologetic smiles as they continue to cling to her in any way they can. And then their eyes land on you.

The youngest, who you would later learn is her cousin’s daughter, cocks her head to the side as she inspects your looks. “You’re pretty.”

“Thank you, hun,” you smile warmly, keeping your voice soft.

“Who are you?” another asks- and it isn’t rude or ill-intentioned. It’s a simple question full of curiosity.

“That’s actually why Aunt Lissa came down,” the redhead cuts in gently as she scoops the smallest one into her arms and settles her on her hip. “This is Y/N, and she came to join us for today. I wanted to introduce you all to her.”

The oldest of the group, maybe about nine, looks between the two of you with a knowing look. “Aunt Lissa?”

“Yeah?”

“She your girlfriend?” the kid asks bluntly.

Green eyes meet your panicked ones, and you can see the same look in hers. You give her a small little shrug and a smile- one that you hope conveys she can saw whatever she feels is right to explain your situation to a bunch of young children.

“Something like that,” Melissa chooses to say. “Something like that.”

“But Aunt Lissa,” the littlest one lays a gentle hand on the woman’s cheek.

“Yes, Elizabeth?”

“Nonna only lets family over,” Elizabeth states finitely. “So… she gotta be your girlfriend.”

Melissa looks to you again with a sparkle in her eye. “I would say she’s definitely something like a girlfriend to me… we just haven’t gotten that far to talk about if she wants to be a girlfriend to Aunt Lissa or not.”

The little girl shrugs as she starts to twirl the red curls around her little finger with a yawn. “She should be. She’s pretty.”

“I’m glad you think so, Lizzie,” Melissa chuckles as she strokes the little wisps down. “Is someone getting sleepy? Is it time for nap time?”

The young girl shakes her head adamantly, but she does lay her head down on her aunt’s shoulder. “Just like Aunt Lissa cuddles.”

“And Aunt Lissa never says no to that,” the redhead says gently as she drops a kiss to Elizabeth’s temple. “But I am going to head back upstairs with Y/N.”

Lizzie shrugs and tightens her hold around Melissa’s neck. The three of you head back up the steps, you now holding both your wine glass and her beer bottle as your… something like a girlfriend… carries the little girl.

You end up settling on one of the couches in the family room, just taking everything in. What Elizabeth had said about Nonna only letting family over for gatherings like this sticks with you. Does she think that you and Melissa are girlfriends? Does she not know that you’re really not together yet- at least not officially?

You shake those thoughts from your mind though as you feel a hand interlace with yours with a gentle squeeze. Melissa is looking at you with that soft look that you’ve grown quite fond of as she keeps another hand gently on Lizzie’s back, the little girl now dozing softly.

“I think we may be stuck here for a while,” the redhead jokes with you. “Liz loves her sleep, and if she wakes up too soon, she’s a cranky little bugger.”

“You’re really good with her,” you compliment softly, leaning over to kiss her cheek. 

She smiles back. “I try. She makes it easy for the most part. They’re all really great kids down there.”

You hum softly before leaning into her figure a bit more. The two of you take in the chaos around you for a bit until you hear Nonna’s voice calling that lunch is ready and to start filling up plates. But Melissa still has the little girl on her.

“I can grab our plates,” you offer quietly.

She smiles at you and kisses your cheek before nodding. “That’d be great.”

“What should I put on your plate?”

“A lil scoop of everythin’,” she tells you. “The Schemmenti’s can cook.”

You chuckle softly before heading into the room where all the food is, and your eyes widen just slightly. You don’t think you’ve ever seen this much food in one room before. 

You oblige her requests, filling two plates with a little bit of everything laid out before heading back to her. You hand her the plate and utensils intended for her before taking Lizzie out of her hold.

Once you have the little girl settled on your own chest, you glance over to see Melissa looking at you curiously.

“So you can eat,” you shrug softly and continue to hold your… girlfriend’s (?) niece close to your chest.

Others start to fill in the room, and they look at you with a sense of warmth as they see you holding onto the smallest member of the Schemmenti family while Melissa eats.

Lizzie wakes up in your hold a bit later.

“Y/N?” she asks quietly.

You just nod with the softest of eyes, ones you know show warmth and kindness and that you use with patients consistently. “Yeah, hun. Are you hungry? Should we go fill up a plate for you?”

The little one climbs off your lap before holding out her hand and looking at you expectantly. You take it, of course you do, and allow her to lead you to the spread of food once more. You fill up a plate for her before taking her back to where you were sitting previously.

Voices had filled the living room as everyone questioned Melissa and the fact that you were sitting in on a family gathering, but as you entered, they all hushed.

You just smile at them all as you sit back down next to Melissa, holding Lizzie’s plate. The little girl climbs back into your lap before beginning to feed herself. The entire time, you just watch with such a fondness in your eyes. You ignore the fact that almost the entire Schemmenti family is staring at you.

Eventually, she’s finished, and she’s holding out the napkin that you had brought for her. You clean up her face, wipe down her hands, and let her decide what to do next.

“I go play,” she tells you with gusto. Before she runs back off for the den though, she squeezes you in a tight hug, her cheeks squishing into yours. And then she’s off. 

Only then do you reach for your own plate, now cold. It doesn’t matter though- Melissa was right: the Schemmenti’s sure do know their way around the kitchen. You lean into Melissa’s side a bit with a smile as you start to make your way through your own lunch. 

A throat clears, and only then do you look up. All eyes are on you.

“Hm?” you hum through a mouthful of food.

“How did you do that?” One of Melissa’s cousins looks at you wildly.

“Do what?” you ask, once you’ve swallowed.

“Get Lizzie to sit with you like that? She literally only goes to Nonna, Mel, and her parents.”

You shrug and look to the woman sitting next to you, silently asking if that was true. She nods. Then you shrug again. 

Once you’re finished your meal, you insist on helping clean up as a thank you for allowing you to join their apparently sacred family meal.

“You don’t have to, Y/N,” Bea tells you.

You wave her off. “I insist, Bea.” You take everyone’s plates and stack them high before carrying them off into the kitchen like a waitress.

Melissa goes to follow, but her mother coughs, stopping her.

“What, Ma?”

“When are you gonna just ask her to be your girlfriend?”

“We haven’t talked about it yet,” the redhead rolls her eyes.

“You ain’t dating her?” A cousin pipes up.

“I-”

“They’s datin’,” Nonna cuts in. “Whether Melly wants to admit it or not. Why you think Y/N’s here with us for family lunch?”

“We aren’t dating,” Melissa huffs. “At least not yet.”

“Well, you should be,” Kristen Marie tells her sister. “I see them puppy dog eyes she gives you, and you have a lovesick look in your face- disgustin’.”

“Shut it,” the redhead glares at her sister.

“Is all I’m sayin,” the blonde sister shoots back with a smirk.

The two of you do the dishes in a peaceful manner, much like how you usually do them in the comfort of either of your homes, before she wraps a hand around your waist.

“So,” she sighs softly as she kisses you.

You kiss her back gently. “Yeah?”

“How you like the family?”

“Love ‘em,” you reply with a cheeky smile. “Especially the little ones. Lizzie is adorable.”

“She is, but what Gia said is true,” Melissa tells you. “Liz won’t go to anyone but 

Nonna, me, or her parents.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re something special, you know that?” the redhead tells you as she tucks a stray hair behind your ear. “Just bein’ able to waltz into my life, into my family… An’ so, I was thinkin’-”

Whatever she’s about to ask you, and you have an inkling of what was to come, is interrupted by Lizzie running up the steps and flying into both yours and Melissa’s legs, using them as a shield.

“Liz!” Melissa gasps out in shock.

“Sophia’s trying to catch me!” the little girl squeaks out. 

Somehow, this ends up with the two of you roped into their little game. It’s a little bite of domesticity with Melissa, and something in your head tells you that you’re going to be a part of this family for a long time- even if just as a friend. The Schemmenti’s have already welcomed you in, specifically the oldest and the youngest, and of course Melissa.

Eventually, you’re able to get out of the game, the redhead telling them that Aunt Lissa is too tired and needs to go be a boring adult upstairs. They protest, but she stands her ground. She goes to take you with her, only to be met with a chorus of protests.

“I’m a little tired too,” you chuckle softly as you crouch down to meet their eyes. “But I promise I’ll come play again before your Aunt Lissa and I leave, okay?”

“Pinky swears?” Lizzie holds out her pinky.

“Pinky swears,” you interlock your finger with hers before kissing your thumb and pressing it to hers. You stand up straight, smooth out your dress, and take Melissa’s hand in your own before heading back up the steps.

You can’t help but smile at the little voice giggling to her cousin’s, “Y/N even knew about sealin’ it with a kiss!”

It’s a long while before you and Melissa go to head out. Her family had fully invited you into the conversation, wanting to get to know you more, catch up on life, and spill the little secrets of Melissa as a child to you. It’s… it’s something special that you’ve found yourself in. And then of course, you couldn’t break your promise to the kids, so you head downstairs and promise them ten minutes of playing before you were to really head out. Melissa stays up with her family, who all look at her with a sense of urgency.

“J’ask her out yet?” Nonna looks at her granddaughter expectantly.

“Well, I was gonna,” the redhead sighs dramatically. “But then Liz came up and roped us into their game.”

“She’s real good with them,” a family member notes. “My Alex said that she adores Y/N and thinks you two should be together.”

“‘Course she said that,” Melissa rolls her eyes playfully. “I’m gonna ask her, okay?”

“You better, ‘fore she realizes what a shit show you are and runs,” Kristen Marie teases her sister. 

Melissa goes to smack her sister, but you walk back up the steps, Lizzie on your hip. The little girl has her one hand twirling your hair around her finger while the other hand plays with the necklace that hangs from your neck.

“Hey,” you smile and make your presence known. “Lizzie wanted to know if Aunt Lissa would come down for the last five minutes to play?”

Lizzie nods excitedly.

“What are they playin’?”

“The big kids playin’ fort, but I wanna play dolls,” the little girl mumbles. Then she looks at her aunt. “Please, Aunt Lissa.”

The three of you head back down the steps, and five minutes turns into fifteen before you really do try to head out.

“No!” Lizzie protests. “Keep playin’, Y/N.”

“Y/N will be back,” Melissa tries to placate the little girl.

The three year old looks at her aunt with big green eyes, ones that nearly mirror Melissa’s. “You pinky swears?”

“Pinky swears,” the redhead smiles as she promises her niece.

By the time the two of you leave, you’ve had a million more hugs from the little ones of the family, Bea has kissed your cheeks multiple times, and Annette has handed you multiple Tupperware containers full of food to take with you.

You and the redhead end up in her car with warm hearts, fully stomachs, and a slight blush tinting your cheeks now that you’re finally alone.

“Your family is precious,” you tell her with a smile, taking her hand in your own.

“No they ain’t,” Melissa rolls her eyes. “But they sure as hell love you.”

You smile at her.

“I- I know it’s probably a bit too soon to say this,” she fiddles with the ring that sits on your middle finger. “But… they love you, and I love you.”

Your eyes go almost comically wide at her words. She was right, this was very early to be saying that word. “I-”

“I don’t expect you to say it back,” she tells you quickly. “But I wanted you to know… and I’ve wanted to ask you this the entire day, but any time I went to, we were interrupted.”

“Yeah?” you ask, a smile dancing across your face. You know exactly what she’s going to ask you.

“Do you wanna… you know, actually date? Be my girlfriend?”

You laugh. “Wow, Mel. How romantic. Really, such a charmer.”

“Hey… I’m not great at the hard questions,” she rolls her eyes. “But, what d’ya say?”

“I’d be honored,” you chuckle as you lean over the center console to kiss her. “And so you know, I love you too.”

Neither of you know it, but Nonna is standing at the window watching the two of you. She smiles and claps her hands as she turns back around to face the rest of the family. “Melly’s got a girlfriend.”

“About damn time,” Bea’s daughter chuckles.

Tags

(and let me know if you want to be included!): @schemmentis @thesapphictimelady @marvel210 @itisdoctortoyousir @morgana-larkin @thesamesweetie @doesthatsuggestanythingtoyou @marvels--slut @gwennybriggs @megamultifandomtrashposts @lemz378 @http-sam @melissaschemmentisbranzino @imaginesmultifandoms @sexysapphicshopowner @lilfartbox1 @maybe-a-humanbean @imlike-so-gaydude @sapphicxrat @a-queen-and-her-throne @sunsol-22 @notinmyvocab @melanielaufeyson @dvrkhcld

#abbott elementary fanfiction #abbott elementary fanfic #melissa schemmenti #melissa schemmenti x reader #melissa schemmenti fanfic #melissa schemmenti x you #melissa schemmenti fanfiction #abbott elementary

[nouies]

lou!! how was it? how are you feeling!!

HIIIIII! omg idk where to begin.

i’ve been spending the last four days with Anitra @allwaswell16 and it’s been absolutely amazing! we got to see lots of cool stuff for the first time together, or for the second time in some cases. sometimes it shows when you’ve known a person online for seven years or so bc it’s so easy when it comes to hang out “in real life” 🥹

so anyway, we had been so lucky with mexico city’s traffic for the first two days (even on friday which was also pay day), but yesterday we got to experience the real chaos (and the scam that has become uber), so we couldn’t get there by the time doors opened and we missed Giant Rocks and the special merch for mexico city (Anitra got us merch anyway and we’re twining), but i was mostly sad abt missing my chance to finally meet An @lemelous (we’re going to meet soon so it’s fine but also it would’ve made my night way better that it already was!)

before the show, we got to trade some friendship bracelets and we got the material for the fan projects!

i got to meet in person my friend Fer @fforever-dreaming alongside with Mery @fuchsiasea (who i’m going to see very soon too!) and her sister. we only had a little time to talk but it was definitely one of the parts i was looking forward the most and a highlight of the night.

SO THE SHOW. it’s going to sound cliché but it’s an experience that you have to live it to understand it. that moment when the playlist pre-show suddenly stops and you see the stage is all ready, and then a couple of minutes after the lights go off and you know it’s starting??? priceless! i screamed a lot when Louis came out on stage and i just couldn’t really process it that i was finally seeing him after two long years!!! (which i know it’s a privilege itself bc there’s ppl who haven’t seen him).

when it finally clicked to me that he was there, i noticed the shirt which i LOVED! he looks so beautiful in polo shirts and especially that colour! (i especially loved that it was red bc it’s one of our national colours too).

it felt like it was a song after the other with no breaks. idk how the ppl watching the live-streaming felt but it went too fast! and there were so many emotions in the air! i screamed, i sang, i jumped, i participated in the projects, i teared up a bit during certain parts, I LAUGHED he’s so funny and so grateful for everything, that i just wanted to put him in a pocket and take him with me lol.

i couldn’t tell you which songs i enjoyed the most bc honestly i loved them all. i’m not a person who watches livestreams from fans, and even sometimes the videos i watch them with no audio just to see if i can make gifs from them lol so everything was a surprise for me and i loved it! i didn’t notice we were missing a song until almost at the very end but personally i didn’t need it bc he gave us so much of him already. i definitely wanted to listen to bigger than me bc it was my most listened to song in 2022 and i didn’t want to miss it. but like i said, i loved all the songs, the chats, the projects!!!

a quick parenthesis abt the projects. so originally there were three: sibwawc, walls, and saturdays. what you saw on the videos going around and the kmm project wasn’t talked abt (as far as i know, maybe i’m wrong), but we did it last year (thanks to the chilean fans of course) so i guess everyone knew that part was coming and just did it. like it looked so coordinated but it wasn’t planned (again, as far as i know) before hand. i obviously couldn’t see the rainbow lights from my section bc we were holding the same colour but when i saw the video and i saw that it worked, i loved it. and i guess you’ve seen the video where the crowd screamed “for every question why, you were my because” and it shows the crowd? we formed the mexican flag there. for saturdays i also think the project worked? i haven’t seen videos but if i’m honest i wanted to film that song for my friend who couldn’t be there so i did the project for half the song lol

the fireworks and confetti after silver tongues were so cool! i wasn’t expecting them so i was filming the whole stage and not really zooming on him? so when the fireworks showed up i felt like a child! it was just pure and genuine happiness in that moment.

lately i’ve been enjoying concerts more than when i was younger, idk why, but i scream more and jump more, and just live in the moment. and this concert even if i felt it was too short, it was still one of the best experiences ever!! i love Louis so much and i love my friends! 🫶🏻

#my show #interlouist #answered

[munsonsmixtapes]

Cheers to You

Evan “Buck” Buckley x pregnant!fem!reader

summary: you meet Buck at a bar and you are the first to not fall for his charms but he’s going to damn well try to impress you

The bar was packed, the only seat available being the one next to you. You should have known it would have been since it was a Saturday night, but it seemed like it was more crowded than usual. It was filled with a bunch of hotties and you were determined to get a date, hoping that someone wouldn’t be deterred by your very pregnant stomach. It was what you deserved since it was your birthday.

Your friends had decided to take you out for your special day and had even made you wear a tiara and sash with the intention of helping you get free drinks even though they all had been buying for you all night. You were getting tired of the taste of the club soda, but who were you to deny free drinks.

They wanted to change the place since they felt like it was rude to drink when you couldn’t, but you had insisted. It was your favorite place to go when you all went out and you being pregnant wasn’t going to change that.

You had just finished opening your presents when another club soda had been set in front of you by a waitress and you gave her a confused look. She pointed to a table to your right towards the back of the bar and a man raised his drink to you mouthing the words “happy birthday” as he did so.

He was cute. Definitely one of the most attractive men you had ever seen and you found yourself wanting to go talk to him, but you didn’t want to leave your friends. And he also seemed to be with people and you felt rude for intruding, but after your friends convinced you, you went over to the table.

Everyone who was seated around it turned to you and your admirer eyed your stomach then looked up at you with a bright smile. He was even cuter close up, his bright blue eyes looking into yours as he smiled at you.

“Thanks for the drink,” you smiled.

“Well, it was the least I could do since it’s your birthday. Happy birthday, by the way.”

“You already said that.”

“I know,” he nodded, taking a sip of his drink.

“Do you want some time alone?” The woman across from him asked and with that, everyone but the stranger got up from the table and you sat next to him, suddenly wanting to be close to him.

You eyed the red marks around his right eye and wondered what they were from. Maybe a fight? Or maybe something else? It didn’t matter, you liked them. You thought they made him unique.

Buck thought you were pretty. Probably prettier than any other woman he had ever seen. Maybe it was because of the drinks, but he wasn’t so sure. He had only had a few sips of first and only drink so it definitely wasn’t the alcohol. And you thought he was pretty too. You were easily able to get lost in his beautiful pools of blue and were actually kind of jealous of the color.

“I’m Buck,” he put his hand out to shake and you took it, shaking it before letting it go. “You don’t have a name?”

“I have a name.” You hadn’t really flirted since that one night stand which had gotten you pregnant and applauded yourself since you still had it.

“What is it?” The man seemed amused so you continued to play hard to get. He didn’t seem to care at all that you were currently carrying a baby inside your stomach.

“Why don’t you guess?” You leaned forward and Buck got a whiff of your perfume and it was intoxicating. That definitely made him even more attracted to you.

“Or you could just tell me.”

“It’s my birthday so I make the rules.” He was liking your attitude. You kept him on his toes and he felt like he needed more of that in his life.

“Yes ma’am,” he nodded. “So what do you do for work?”

“I’m unemployed at the moment but I plan on looking for a job after I have the baby.” Unemployed and pregnant? Buck really hoped you had a support system. Being pregnant was one thing, but being that and having no income must have been rough.

“So what is it, if you don’t mind my asking?”

“It’s a girl.” You but your hands on your bump and looking down at with with so much love that Buck was convinced that you were going to be a great mother even though he didn’t know you.

“Do you have a name picked out?” You had an ever growing list, but none of them seemed right. You hoped that something would come to you when you held her in your arms for the first time.

“Not yet. Why? Do you have any ideas?”

“How about Evan?” You laughed at that, but Buck seemed very serious.

“For a girl?”

“Sure,” he shrugged. “Why not?”

“That’s your real name, isn’t it?”

“Sure is,” he nodded proudly. “And I’ll even let you call me that.”

“Oh, is that supposed to be an honor?” You quirked an eyebrow and Buck just laughed before taking a sip from his drink.

“Sure is.”

“I’ll add it to the list.” There was absolutely no way that you were naming your daughter that but you felt like telling him that you were considering it would make him feel better.

“I appreciate that.” You checked your phone to see that it was nearing midnight. You needed to get home. You had already been out too late and your friends were definitely very drunk. You took out your phone to get an Uber, but Buck rested his hand on top of yours to stop you.

“I can drive you.” There was no way that he was letting you get into a car with a probably creepy stranger when he had a perfectly good car out front.

“Oh, I can’t ask you-”

“You’re not asking, I’m offering.” He stood from the table and offered you his hand and you took it. He helped you to your feet and kept hold of your hand while he corralled all of your friends, making sure they had everything before assuring that everyone’s tabs were paid before the five of you headed into the parking lot.

Buck got your three friends safely into the backseat and helped them buckle up before he assisted you with getting into the passenger seat and doing your seatbelt for you. Once he was sure you were all set, he rounded the front of the car and got into his own seat before starting up the car.

He handed his phone to you so you could put in your address and you couldn’t help but think about how thoughtful he was. You had never met a man who was as caring as he was. He didn’t even know you and was willing to help you with whatever you needed. How many people did things like that?

Buck pulled into your driveway and was reluctant to let you go inside by yourself, but you seemed to have your friends handled as they seemed to have sobered up a little in the car. Your friends headed inside and you stood on Buck’s side of the car and he rolled down the window in concern.

“Thank you, Buck,” you smiled. “For everything.” You leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek before pulling away.

“It was my pleasure. Now get some rest, okay?”

“I will,” you nodded. “Can I see your phone?” He was quick to hand it to you and you typed in your phone number before saving it and handing the thing back to him. With that, you bid him goodnight and asked him to text you when he got home.

Buck looked down at the phone once you were safely in your house and smiled as he saw your name displayed at the top with a pink heart next to it. Yeah, he was definitely texting you when he got home.

#evan buckley #evan buck buckely #evan buckley smut #evan buckley fluff #911 abc #911 fox #911 show #evan buckley x reader #buck buckley #buck x reader #evan buckley x you #buck x you #evan buckley x pregnant!reader #pregnant!reader #buck x pregnant!reader

[fourmoony]

I’ve been picking up so many extra shifts and today is my first session w my new PT that I’m gonna have to leave early because I accidentally double booked myself and need to have time to go home and shower before my eight hour shift ON PALLET DAY🥲🥲🥲 (the day we get all of our stock and it’s like a mad house trying to shelve it all)

Also have a closed book exam tomorrow. A very important exam. That I have not studied for. Send help.

#halle talks shit #I’m just a girl why do I do this to myself #I also have to put together a gift basket for a fundraiser I’m attending on Saturday #because I’m working all day Saturday before it #I never know when to stop

[seagull-scribbles]

I don’t want wholesome non binary characters, give them a bomb

Me and my friend are having a debate

#animaniacs #animaniacs 2020 #wakko warner #warner siblings #wb kids #I can’t even remember the tags I’d use for this stuff yikes #it’s been so long my little bab I love you so much #because I do such a long shift on Saturday I work with 2 different teams #and we usually have a good conversation flow so your not repeating yourself all day to different people #but yesterday me being non binary kept organically coming up and idk it was good #I get misgenderd I’m work quite a lot #and even though I came out long before working there and talk about stuff in the lgbtq+ community a lot #a lot of people still presume I’m hetro and all the heteronormative steriotype stuff on me and my friend groups #so like idk it was nice to get stuff off my chest but also I’m still unsure it’s a safe space tbh #but anyway I stayed up later and did this little scouser as a like vent thing #it’s not my best but I’m happy with it

[exopelagic]

auuudggghghhrhrhrbrr

#okay I’m feeling Bad and I need to unpick why before I’ll be able to sleep #friend is asking abt lunch on Friday when I already have standing commitment w other friends then so I can’t do that. #but I also go home on Sunday and I can’t do shit until Friday bc work and I have plans on Saturday so I just. can’t see them #which. I guess makes things easier actually that’s not something I can control and I’m not changing existing plans that’s unfair #I’m also listening to a playlist of old music (Apple Music generated favourites — so literally random picked from everything I’ve ever done #and the last few songs have made me feel Bad bc of being associated with certain times but song playing rn is definitively a good song #w a good memory attached and it’s MY song not one of my old friends #okay where are we #I’m stressed abt presentation on Thursday but also a non issue. I’m prepared. I have all day tomorrow to practice and read up more #and then it’s 20 minutes on Thursday morning I’ll be done before 10am #I am. a little frustrated on a broader scale about the role I’m currently occupying #in that w a bunch of my friends I’m having to be the one with their shit together and dealing with their Stuff. #mostly in the way that I have to be putting in extra effort to tiptoe around them and steer stuff to keep them happy #i can do it i can do it easily I’ve just tasted not having to now so it’s. noticeably different having to do it more #i do Not have the words to talk abt this in the way I want to it’s so annoying #it’s like. I know how my friend responds to stuff. I know the things that make her anxious and what her instinctual responses will be #and I’m constantly having higher level thoughts planning out how things will go it’s effortless and constant it’s just There #with everyone all the time but sometimes I use it more and sometimes I have to because I’m in a position where if I don’t we’ll get nowhere #and I don’t like that I’m having to worry abt keeping other people happy while I’m talking to my friends it removes me a layer from stuff #hrm. there are broader questions here abt the utility of this bc like. sure it helps in some situations #but this probably isn’t great long term for either of us. wild. goddamn talking to my friend abt philosophy opened new parts of my brain #anyway I cba to have those thoughts rn! it’s midnight! I’m going to bed in half an hour <3 #it’s honestly unfair that I have to do anything other than be gay and play pokemon #luke.txt #uaUrghrhfhjs I’m also being insane abt a guy. which is predictable and I feel stupid abt for multiple reasons but. here we are. #I’m being insane. and maybe I should be less mean to myself but I feel like I’m being insane. #I think! I need to go to bed! #I am not being insane I am having feelings and that is allowed. feelings are typically regarded as a pretty normal thing to have. #philosophy friend is gonna be so mad at me if anything comes of this but it’s fine and if it does I think I’ll be pretty happy anyway #point is I’m doing nothing wrong and have done nothing wrong and I’m allowed to feel whatever the hell I like. okay.

[southislandwren]

I deeply love the freshman but she just called twice to ask if could jump her car at a location 30 minute drive away, I am pajama’d and blind in bed . No I cannot dedicate over an hour of time when it’s already my bedtime because surprise, I wake up at fuckin 4:25 am 🙃

NO FUCKING WAY was I awake typing this godforsaken post and my other friend called me for 30 MINUTES!!!!! You fuckheads I work on a farm do not contact me after 7:30!!!! Arggghhhhhh okay goodnight and anyone else who calls me is NOT getting an answer I am asleep GOODNIGHT !!!!

#and last night I got like 5 hours of sleep and I didn’t take a nap today. I shouldn’t be fucking driving anyway because I’m SLEEPY sleepy #I was like give me 30-40 minutes and she was like uhhh I will call some other people… yeah do that . #like if I do go for a drive this weekend I’ll still invite her but I’m getting a little sick of her antics #diary post #ugh. anyway if you find this E I do deeply love you fr but I told you I wasn’t going to be a good friend this summer #and I didn’t mean like teehee I can only hang out on Saturdays #I meant the likelihood I text back or see you in person more than twice a month is VERY low #and yeah this is on me for picking a stupid fucking job but like. I need to be sick of farming before I head to a city for 5+ years #I am exhausted down to my core. I relapsed in my bad habit on Saturday. I am barely functioning. #I don’t think I’ve eaten anything that’s not fruit or dairy products in the past 3 days. I am desperately waiting for an incident at work. #begging to the universe to let me get kicked in the head or something so I can have a few fucking days off PLEASE #anyway goodnight. now im all wound up and I’ll get another 5 hours of sleep #also ironic the second friend who called me was gossiping abt this guy at work that should just shut up sometimes #and im sitting there on the other side of the phone YAWNING after picking up and answering I am already in bed #and my friend is still rambling on about stupid inane work bullshit that I do not care about. #okay goodnight for real. I hate everything

[fingertipsmp3]

I have an absolute perfect storm of a shift coming up in April and I can’t decide whether I should cancel it

#i’ll set the scene for you: 9th april. easter sunday. the cafe is going to be absolutely Mental that day i just know it #i am on shift with: my manager (who’s lovely but she will be in the office all day doing managerial shit unless it gets so busy we literally #can’t cope); another new girl (who’s fairly nice); and my most hated coworker (who made me cry last week) #and to cap it off: i’m probably going to get my period that day!!!!! or maybe the day before which would be even worse since it’s a saturday #and i’m also working that day #why did i so cavalierly say ‘yeah weekends work really well; give me weekend shifts’ #i’ve gone ahead and figured out when all my future periods are and put a ‘DO NOT ACCEPT A SHIFT ON THIS DAY OR DAY BEFORE OR AFTER’ #on my calendar on the expected day 1 of my period #i just don’t know what to do. because what if i cancel it (offer up my shift in the rota app) and then my period is late anyway #i would feel so stupid. and if i get it on the saturday there’s not much point cancelling sunday because yeah day 2 is still bad #but if i survive a day 1 at work i can survive a day 2 #the demon on my shoulder is like ‘quit’ but i LIKE this job and more importantly i don’t want to go back to job hunting #i’ve spent the whole morning searching up like ‘how to survive your period at work’ and gotten Nothing Of Use lmao #it’s all aimed at people with desk jobs and girl if i was allowed to sit down that’d be like 90% of my problems gone immediately #should i just go on birth control. should i call the doctor while mabel has lunch and see if i can get in on friday #that might be the cheat code honestly. just straight up skip that period and get it the next week #BC does give me absolutely wild mood swings which is why i’m not on it but like.. surely there’s One out there that won’t mess me up #like i was on loestrin for about 4 years i think. rigevidon messed me up but surely it’s not the only one that’s appropriate for me?? #i’ll try to call them soon. gotta feed mabel first #personal

[headofocs-inklesspen]

So many things planned for the second week of October that for a moment it almost looks like I have a social life

#crow rambles #the paycheck will be small #but I’m not volunteering to work extra despite taking 2 more days off than normal #off mondays. then Welcome to Nightvale Tuesday. then off Fridays. then Ren Fair all day Saturday #with mostly likely a con crunch level of scrambling to finalise the Ren faire outfit before Saturday #because I know who I am

[trashbaget]

*

#feeling UNFUCKINGWELL #UGH!!!!! yall— #the shit is just getting to me today #the horrors are winning right now and i’m really unhappy about it #i finally catch a goddamn break and live in 2 weeks of hopeful contentment and then #then bullshit #like honestly what the actual fuck #this has easily been the longest two days of my entire life #i went from #did i miss a goddamn meme or something?? bc those words just suggested sooooo many wackass tags i did not write lafheldks #gave me a much needed giggle #but still the horrors. they’re whelming. #here let me give yall the fuckin Details right #so i’m at work on saturday and i’m having a good time despite the fact i’m dead tired and exhausted and have to go grocery shopping when all #i want is to be at home. i go home feeling good because i’ve had a job for 2 weeks now after being turned down left and right and front and #back and sideways for eight fucking months. i’d just talked with a work friend (that’s right! i’d already made friends! i was feeling good!) #about getting more uniform shirts bc obviously i’m riding on this being a longterm thing. i text my boss the next morning asking if i could #get some more. hours later i find email notifications alerting me that she has wiped my hours from the schedule. i think it is odd and give #it a little time for her to add me new shifts bc she’d left one in. hours more pass and no response so i text her about it. i’d JUST had a #conversation with her a few days before about needed so many hours and not just 2 shifts so i was already like wtf?? and then. she has the #audacity to wait until 9pm to respond and this is what she says: #I am really sorry that I have to do this over text and I’m just sorry in general for the inconvenience after this weekend the owner has #out and told me that we might just not be the right fit for a job I’m really sorry I hate do this. I wish you nothing but the best and I #will let you know when your tips are ready and when your next paycheck will be in. —like????? wtf??? is this a shitty high school breakup?? #first of all. this was just insurmountably unprofessional and inconsiderate. she gave me NO reasons and didn’t even really Say hey you’re #being let go and left it up to me to follow the clues like i’m in the fucking scooby doo gang??? and girlypop who the fuck do you think ur #playing with ‘your next paycheck’ shit?? THIS IS MY FIRST FUCKING ONE!! and no one ever explained to me when i was supposed to get it!! and #i got nothing but further confusing answers whenever i asked. so um. fuck this fucking place. good god. it’s just really really gross #i told her i want to have a talk with them about their excuses for firing me bc this is bullshit. still haven’t fucking heard about that. #except for a ‘yeah sure we can do that.’ like bitch. tell me when. give me something. ANYTHING. i am fucking cracking—

[btsvt-bar]

Fuckboy!Wonwoo going for shy!reader since he assumes they’re a virgin, just to find out reader is an absolute freak and rides him until he passes out

wonwoo bias wrecked me so much after the follow again concerts that this just came to life on it’s own. i wrote the freshman experience based off of how it is on my country and i loved writing this, so i hope you enjoy it too! ♡

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・

fuckboy!wonwoo who’s your game design course sunbaenim. he contradicts all paradigms about nerds, because he’s hot as fuck.

fuckboy!wonwoo who spots you on the first day of classes. he sees you walking past him in your tiny skirt and "I ♡ games" tshirt and finds you adorable.

fuckboy!wonwoo who fights with other veterans to keep you as his freshman. he loses the argument to Nayeon, the course’s student’s president, and sulks for the rest of the day.

fuckboy!wonwoo who hits on you at the bar that night. everyone’s whispering about the two of you.

since Nayeon’s done her job and warned you before hand about Wonwoo’s reputation, you turn him down nicely because you hate the attention. of course, it only spurs him on.

fuckboy!wonwoo who tried to befriend you as a way of getting into your pants (well, he’s a fuckboy after all!).

a couple months after, once he realizes you’re actually really funny and outgoing when you feel comfortable enough, he finds himself enjoying the time you two spend together.

fuckboy!wonwoo who becomes obsessed with you. he convinces himself it’ll fade away once he fucks you. but then he finds himself getting so fucking jealous when he hears you calling Seungcheol your “oppa”. he knows Cheol has a thing for you — your innocent, virgin like persona is driving every male student wild. so he feels his blood boiling when you touch his hyung’s bicep as you smile sweetly and bat your eyelashes.

fuckboy!wonwoo who gets really annoyed when his friends mock him, claiming he lost his charms and won’t get to fuck you like he would do to any other girl.

"it’s up to Coups Hyung to pop her cherry." Jeonghan holds back a laugh as Wonwoo rolls his eyes.

Like hell we will! he thinks.

fuckboy!wonwoo who tries to sleep with someone else to get off and forget about you. but it doesn’t work and he gets more frustrated than before.

fuckboy!wonwoo who offers to help you with your class project and goes to your shared dorm room on a Saturday night. you open the door and he holds his breath when he sees your super princess peach cropped shirt.

"what? it’s my favorite game" you state, with a pout in your lips, when he stares for too long.

"oh, nothing. it’s a good one." he babbles, averting his eyes from your chest. your shirt was probably old, since he could see the outline of your nipples through the white fabric. he swallows nervously, trying to shake the image of your pebbled nipples off of his head.

fuckboy!wonwoo who gets distracted by your short sleeping shorts, since they do the bare minimum to cover you up.

"Nonu, are you listening?" you complain as you shake him. his eyes are out of focus when he meets your gaze. "earth to Nonu! what are you thinking about?"

fuckboy!wonwoo who bites his lower lip and stares at you.

"i’m thinking about you, cutie." he flirts. usually, you would blush and avert your eyes. so it’s a shocker for him when your Bambi eyes transform into a siren gaze.

“what about me?" you whisper, inching closer to his face. "is it about the ways you’d like to fuck me?" that’s all it takes for Wonwoo to take off his glasses and crash his lips into yours.

fuckboy!wonwoo who gets really excited and surprised when he finds out you’re not a virgin. in fact, you’re a total freak in bed. he feels a bit fooled since you got everyone believing you’re a pure angel, but he isn’t about to complain.

not when you’re jumping up and down on his dick with your pretty boobs on full display for him.

fuckboy!wonwoo who fucks up into you with all his might, thinking that he could die happy buried in your heat like that.

you’re riding him so good, your hips grinding against his and your hands clawing at his chest. your lips are red and swollen from kissing, your head’s thrown back in pleasure. you let out quiet ah-ah-ahs that enter Wonwoo’s ears and spin down his body directly to his dick.

fuckboy!wonwoo who nearly blows his load when you ask him to choke you.

his big hand presses on your throat with minimum force, but you demand more pressure and he complies.

fuckboy!wonwoo who circles your clit and sucks your nipples to help you cum. and when you do, he follows shortly after, emptying three months worth of blue balls in the condom and nearly passes out.

fuckboy!wonwoo who cuddles you and realizes he’s been tricked.

"i’m not complaining, but i thought you were a virgin."

you laugh, turning around to face him. "and the resident fuckboy gets played." pride bubbles in your chest. Wonwoo smiles at you, his brown eyes still a bit glazed over from his high.

"i liked being played" he admits with a shy smile.

fuckboy!wonwoo who refuses to go back to his own room. thank goodness your roommate is not coming back for the night.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・

© btsvt-bar, 2024

m.list ♡

#seventeen smut #seventeen fanfic #wonwoo smut #wonwoo x reader #wonwoo fanfic #seventeen hard hours #wonwoo hard hours #wonwoo hard thoughts #seventeen x reader #seventeen scenarios #seventeen drabbles #wonwoo drabble #my works #anon request

[emo-batboy]

Battinson on SNL

Idk how popular Saturday Night Live is outside of the US so there will be some links for context. That said, as a New Jersey native, I think Battinson would totally watch the show. And since he's a celebrity...👀

SO

To promote WE’s newest charity fund, Alfred signs Bruce up to be a guest host on SNL (à la this post) The announcement is made, and everyone’s like “oh this is going to be a disaster. That man can’t even hold eye contact or speak a full sentence without crying.”

But oh, that’s why it’s so funny.

Now, hear me out. Bruce’s strengths are displayed best when he’s himself. That’s why he’s so popular in Gotham. That’s why the internet calls him Relatable TM and a Disaster (Affectionate) and “Poor Little Meow Meow.” It’s his ✨ essence ✨

But he tends to get overwhelmed or self-conscious onstage, right? Because he can’t be Himself himself if he has time to overthink something. So after a few meetings with Bruce, the writers of SNL figure out the perfect way to keep Bruce from getting anxious.

They decide to load this episode with as many skits where Bruce plays different caricature-like versions of himself as possible. The objective? Make him break character and laugh so he doesn’t overthink. And if he breaks character, he’ll still technically be in character because he’s playing himself, you know? Genius.

So that’s how they go about structuring the show. During the few days they have to write, they decide to take everything about Bruce’s public image and either ramp it up to 11 or turn it on its head.

He speaks quietly? Turn it into a running gag. He dresses in all black? Make him emo. He tips well? Add that in too. He’s “depressed” and “sad?” Literally, all he does on screen is laugh and break character. What’s not to love?

Of course, Bruce also gets to decide what skits are in each episode as well. (Refer to this if you have no idea how SNL works.) He loves the idea, though, and he has a surprisingly dark sense of humor which bleeds into some of the sketches. They add in a few skits without him, and they’ve got their lineup.

It’s the wildest episode of the season. Here are the highlights:

OPENING MONOLOGUE

It’s the big night, everyone’s excited to see Bruce Wayne hosting a live sketch comedy show with no idea how it will turn out.

To begin his monologue, Bruce walks on, opens his mouth to start talking, and immediately two cast members appear as stagehands to set up six microphones in front of him. He is already struggling to keep himself together.

Bruce: “You may be wondering why I’m host- Cast Member: *adds one more tiny microphone to his chest* Bruce: “You may be wondering why I’m hosting tonight.”

It’s working. The audience loves it.

Halfway through, Kate McKinnon comes out in a dark cloak with a chalice. “Your sustenance, my lord.” *sees camera* “Oh. Sorry. Carry on.” And she shambles off. Bruce has to take a second before continuing.

Bruce knows when (most of) the jokes come. It’s literally on the cue cards, but he still falls into a fit of giggles.

There are a few more gags, including Lex Luthor peeking out from behind the band set-up, all teasing the show to come.

Overall, an amazing way to set the tone for the episode. Expectations have been set. Then the skits begin!

(Oh but before I forget: During every single live skit with Bruce, the writers have scheduled for one of the cast members to run in dressed as a stagehand and put an extra mic on him. They do not tell him when it will happen.)

SKIT #1

Between the monologue and the first skit, he has to do a really fast quick change, but to everyone’s surprise, Bruce is a natural. (Huh, wonder why.)

The skit is called Gotham PTA Meeting. We open in a meeting room full of stereotypical PTA moms setting down baked goods and gossiping. And apparently, there is a new PTA member attending today 👀

Right as the meeting starts, he enters. Bruce walks in wearing the most emo get-up imaginable. He’s got a Nirvana shirt, a comical amount of eyeliner, black skinny jeans, chain accessories, metal rings, AND a clip-in extension to give him fringe.

Someone immediately runs in and puts another mic on him.

PTA Mom: “Oh, Bruce! You made it! Did you bring a snack?” Bruce: “I brought lemon bars.” PTA Mom: “Why are they black?” Bruce: “They match my soul…they’re also vegan.”

He talks like a moody teenager. HE CONSTANTLY has to brush the fringe off to the side to read the cue cards. And because there’s so much eyeliner and he’s sweating a bit from the lights, it starts running everywhere.

PTA Mom: “Bruce, you’re a little quiet. What are your thoughts on increasing the school lunch budget?” Bruce: *eyeliner dripping down his chin* “I think it’s a great idea.”

SKIT #2

For a pre-filmed skit, they bring back the Chad character with Pete Davidson.

It’s 2 am, and Chad is working at a 24hr drug store in Gotham. He’s reading Twilight (the book is upside down) when the lights begin to flicker.

He turns around and tries the light switch, turns back around, and JUMPSCARE it’s Bruce dressed as Edward from Twilight.

Yes, he IS sparkly.

Bruce is awkwardly holding a bunch of items, all concerning. He plops down a few knives, several raw meats, Sudafed. Chad: “Oh hey.” Bruce: O_O “I’d like to check out please.” Chad: “Lit.”

Chad’s “No Fucks Given” energy and Bruce’s “Please Do Not Perceive Me” energy clash like titans. The whole skit centers around it.

Bruce: *sweating bullets* “Oh. You’re reading Twilight?” Chad: “Just the title.” Bruce: *throws the book through the window at lightning speed* “It’s not very good. You should probably read something else.” Chad: *shrugs* “Okay.”

Chad: “ID?” Bruce: “ID? For what?” Chad: “Sudafed.” Bruce: “Oh. I don’t really need that, actually.” Chad: “Already scanned it.” Bruce: “Haha. Of course.” *awkwardly produces a scroll from his pocket that says Bruce Wayne DOB: 1901* Chad: “Okay.”

Bruce checks out, Chad picks up a porno mag or something, and we see Bruce turn into a bat and fly off through the window behind him.

SKIT #3

The next skit they have is Celebrity Family Feud: Billionaires Edition. Again, Bruce plays himself, but he’s more of a background character. Instead, the skit makes fun of billionaires as a whole.

Bruce’s team consists of Kylie Jenner, Lex Luthor, and Oliver Queen. So just imagine three Lucille Bluths standing beside one another. 

Bruce’s bit? He just keeps handing cash to Steve Harvey every time he breathes in his direction.

Host: "We got the richest man in the world: Bruce Wayne!" Bruce: *hands him a roll of cash* Host: "Oh, what’s this for?" Bruce: "It’s your tip. I always tip." Host: "Oh, Mr. Wayne, you don’t usually tip the show host. I’m also a millionaire myself." Lex Luthor: *snatches it* "Well, if you’re not going to use it, I will…for charity, of course." Host: "Uh huh, whatever helps you sleep at night."

Just a ton of fun quips, the usual.

At some point, Harvey says, “That’s batty.” Bruce: *ducks* “Where?!” Host: “Oh, I don’t mean Batman. He’s not here.” Bruce: “You don’t know that.”

This time, the mic bit is a bit different.

Host: “We asked 100 billionaires: How much does a loaf of bread cost? Top three answers are on the board.” Bruce: *hits buzzer* Host: Bruce, your answer is? Cast Member: *runs in with a megaphone and holds it in front of Bruce* Bruce: “TEN DOLLARS?”

Board dings! That was the #1 answer

Brucie Wayne for the win

SKIT #4

Next is a skit that dares to ask Gotham, “Why would anyone live here?”

The skit begins with someone opening a press conference for Wayne Enterprises. “And now presenting: Bruce Wayne!” Bruce walks in…

But it’s not him. Instead, it’s one of the cast members dressed in a black suit with horribly gelled brown hair.

Everyone in the audience is wondering where the actual Bruce is before another cast member runs onstage crying, “Help! Help! I’ve just been robbed! Somebody call Batman!”

A mini version of the bat-signal lights up…

We hear some generic hero music play…

And there he is: Bruce Wayne dressed in a horribly cheap Batman costume

(They got the cowl ALL wrong btw)

Bruce puts his hands on his hips in a weird superhero pose. Bruce: “I’m Batm-” Cast Member: *runs out to attach another mic to his costume* Bruce: “….I’m Batman!”

Cue all of the gags and digs against Batman. The fake Bruce faints then starts crying under a table. Someone calls Batman a furry. Bruce is barely keeping it together the whole time. Lord help him, but he asked for it. He approved the skit.

Bruce: “Looks like a job for my bat taser!” Cast Member: “Isn’t that just a taser with a bat on it?” Bruce: *whispers* “You shut your mouth.”

He saves the day, the police take the thief into custody, then Batman myStErioUsly disappears. Bruce: “Look over there!” *runs off* Cast Member: “Oh my gooood, how did he do that?”

CLOSING SEGMENT

Finally, they have the Weekend Update where Bruce comes on as himself for the final time.

Since they got his permission, the writers switch out some of Bruce’s jokes last minute. (Think Bill Hader’s Stefon which notoriously caused him to break character because the writers would mess with his cue cards.)

News Anchor: “Here to promote his newest humanitarian project: Bruce Wayne!” “Mr. Wayne, what a pleasure to see you today.” Bruce: “Thank you. This is probably the longest I’ve been out of the house.” News Anchor: “Since the Riddler catastrophe?” Bruce: “Since ever.”

News Anchor: “So Mr. Wayne! Before you make your announcement, any life updates?” Bruce: “Yes, actually. Just a few days ago, I adopted five- *starts losing it* five more children.” News Anchor: “Wow, really? So you have eight kids now.” Bruce: “Uh huh. *tears streaming down his face* One more orphan and I get the tenth one free.”

News Anchor: “So where can people find you online?” Bruce: “Well, I don’t have social media because I’m afraid of people, but sometimes I’m on Twitter.” News Anchor: “What about a phone call?” Bruce: “Oh no, phone calls- *giggle* phone calls give me fainting spells.”

It’s a great way of finishing the show, with the most genuine version of Bruce. Then, he gets to what’s really important!

News Anchor: “So if they can’t reach you on social media or on the phone, what else can our viewers do, Mr. Wayne?” Bruce: “They can donate to the Wayne Foundation’s newest charity called The Arts Initiative. It funds programs for the arts in underdeveloped school districts nationwide. I’ve already donated $30 million, and I’ve pledged to match every dollar donated within the next week.”

And that’s what he’s here for :) They share a link for where and how to donate. The anchors praise him for his charity, which he deflects because he can definitely afford this, and the 90-minute broadcast is over.

The camera pans away with the whole cast waving goodbye, and Bruce is seen keeling over with laughter.

Along with some of the other skits, these four specifically go viral. WE raises a fuck ton of money, and everyone loves Bruce.

THE END

LOVE YOU ALL!! Let me know what you think :D

#battinson #bruce wayne #batman #batman 2022 #the batman 2022 #the batman #battinson needs a hug #gotham #dc universe #dc #saturday night live #snl #soft bruce wayne #batdad #batfamily #gotham city #brucie wayne #only in gotham #give battinson a child 2k23

[tootiecakes234]

It’s Saturday and you’ve been rotting on the couch all day, only getting up to get food and take a shower. You were really proud of yourself for the shower honestly.

Katsuki’s been at work all day and it’s around the time when he gets home. You know you should probably get up and at least seem like you’ve been somewhat productive today, but you don’t have the energy for all of that.

It makes you feel guilty sometimes when you know he’s been working his ass off, putting his life in danger and here you are just taking up space.

Then the front door opens and in walks a grumpy, exhausted Katsuki.

“Awww. Kats are you ok. You look like you’ve been through hell.” And you make a motion like you’re about to get up and come to him but he stops you.

“Don’t fuckin move. I’m going to take a shower and then I’m coming back out here to take a nap. You’d better have that blanket nice and damn toasty by the time I get back.” And he starts on his journey to the bathroom.

You know he’d probably be hungry and he’d sleep better if you had something on his stomach. You head to the kitchen and make him a quick sandwich with some chips and baby carrots (knowing he’d probably eat the carrots and you’d be the one to eat the chips… he’s such a health nut) and place it by the couch. Then you tuck yourself back in the sheets and wait for him to come out.

You hear you bedroom for open and his bare feet padding on the floor.

“Thought I told your ass not to move.”

“Do you not want the sandwich, cuz I can stick it-“

“Shut up. I’m starvin.” He grumbles and then sits at on the floor at the table and inhales, the chips, carrots and sandwich in record time. Maybe you should have brought him more.

“Do you want another-“ you start but he’s standing already and pushing you forward on the couch so he can slide his body in behind yours. You’re now laying between his legs.

“No that’ll hold me til dinner. Now I want you turn down that damn tv, slide down a little, there we go, and now we are going to nap until I feel like getting up. “

“What if I’m not sleepy??” You say as you scootch down and snuggle further into the blankets covering the two of you.

“Tch…. Your ass is always down for a nap. ‘Ve been together 2 years and you’re NEVER turned down napping with me.” He says as he makes himself comfy and pulling you more snuggly against his chest.

“One of these days I’m gonna tell you no…. Not today, but one day for sure.”

“Mmm” and that’s the last thing you hear before his breath even out and he’s dead to the world.

Well sometimes you felt guilty for your rotting days, but Katsuki loves you the way you are. Besides no one else would ever snuggle and drool on his chest the way you do…

*this is purely self indulgent because I’m a rotter😭

Katsuki Masterlist

Tags: @dreamcastgirl99 @xxvendettaxx @justbepeace @moonpieshawdy @theloveofnagiseishiroslife @mintsbubbletea @darkstarlight82 @anon-mouse223 @b134ch-m4h-ey3z @i-literally-cant-with-this @flowerbedbaby @kit-katsukii @blaize-hewwo @sweetblueworm

You can ask in the comments if you wanted to be added to my MHA tag list💕🫡

#imagine #bakugou x reader #mha fanfiction #bakugou katsuki #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou drabble #drabble #katsuki bakugo mha #bakugo headcanons #fluff #katsuki bakugou x reader #bnha katsuki #bakugo katsuki #bakugo katuski #katsuki bakugou #bnha bakugou #katsuki bakugo #bakugo

[buhok-ng-bruha]

Uh oh! A Jehovah’s Witness is at my door!

A guide on what the fuck is happening and what to do about it as a never JW, from an exJW.

JW congregations have just been told to start doing door-to-door preaching (aka ‘service’/‘service work’/‘witnessing’) again this September. They stopped for the past few years due to…well. The whole state of things. But it’s starting again! Fuck!

So, to get you folks in on the Secret Inner-workings of a Cult:

JWs do service work mostly on Saturdays and Sundays, but any day of the week is fair game, just less of them will be out on other days. Generally it’ll be in the mornings (anywhere between 9AM to 1PM being common, my family did 10AM to noon Saturdays), but any time of day is also fair game. Evening witnessing is encouraged, to catch parts of the service area who didn’t answer during morning service, like people who were at work or asleep.

JWs are given ‘territories’: entire neighborhoods if they’re a majority language and can generally bet on most of the people in a given area speaking that language; SPECIFIC ADDRESSES if they belong to a smaller language demographic. These are on ‘territory cards’, which include areas to fill out once they’ve called on houses. They often pull addresses from the phone book or other such directory, pulling based on name, or get referred new addresses from neighborhood sweeps in other congregations and were told x language was being spoken, so if you get called on by someone speaking your language and wonder how they got your address, it’s because they’ve collected data already! On You!

On that note: JWs collect data on you! A lot of it!! Those territory cards they fill out? They can include any information they gleaned from conversation (age? gender? personal details like if you’re married, if you live with your parents, etc? what religion do you belong to? any problems in your life they can ‘help’ with? any ‘problematic’ details, like if you’re queer? all of it.); if someone was home or not (yes we can see you peeking out from behind your curtains! we looked in windows!); if the person answering the door was uninterested; if they were aggressive; if they have dogs; if we were able to leave any publications with them; the details of any conversations we had, like which topics we discussed and which seemed to interest you the most; when to call on you again. The areas to fill this in on these cards are rather small so they usually only write down the most important information, but it is the most important information for trying to indoctrinate you into a cult. DO NOT give them any personal information. It will be used against you.

So that’s the gist of it. Now, you don’t want them at your door, probably.

Please do not harass them.

I know they’re annoying. We always knew we were being annoying. They do it anyways because they think they’re helping you. They often have children with them - not only because it’s often families going preaching together, but also because it’s a well known tactic to get a softer response from people they call on, to have a child with you. Even if there are no children, please do not harass JWs - they are cult victims, and doing so will only enforce their ‘us vs them’ mentality, and discourages members from leaving. The outside world hates you so much, so how can you leave?

“But what if—“ Nope! Beyond the whole ‘don’t be fucking cruel to abuse victims’ thing, it doesn’t even work! I’ve been threatened with dogs; my mother has been threatened with machetes; others have been flashed, or physically assaulted - we still went back eventually. Usually someone else would get the assignment, and usually we’d wait a bit, but we still went back.

“Okay, but what the fuck do I do, then?”

You open the door (yes, open the door; if you ignore them they’ll return again, assuming they just missed you or you were busy), let them tell you what they’re there for, and before the conversation goes further, you simply say:

“I’m not interested. Please put me on your do not call list.”

And then you tell them goodbye. Nothing more. Don’t say you have your own religion. Don’t say you’re queer. Don’t try to use the ‘magic word’ apostate - actual former members can get harassed.

Unfortunately, despite this being the most successful and least harmful strategy, it isn’t 100% foolproof. They’re supposed to write ‘do not call’ on the territory card next to your address, but they’re human and forget sometimes (or might not mark it intentionally, though I haven’t seen that personally); the next person who gets that card might not see the mark, as well. On top of everything else, even if not forgotten, they will eventually come back. It’s policy to come by after some time to check on you, ‘just in case’: just in case you changed your mind, just in case you moved and there’s someone else there now, just in case, oh, you recently had a loved one pass away and suddenly find yourself in an emotionally vulnerable position in need of support and sympathy.

If you have the knowledge and mental/emotional energy and stability to, you can go about trying to debate them, maybe help some of them doubt, but it is no easy task and there is no guarantee of any success. It takes a lot of patience. They are undergoing some extreme brainwashing and ‘waking up’ is incredibly traumatizing, and you will face a lot of resistance in trying to deconvert any of them. Again, only attempt this if you have the energy, stability, and knowledge required - the delicacy required, too. Otherwise, remember, it’s

“I’m not interested. Please put me on your do not call list.”

Nothing more.

#cult #how to avoid jws #how to avoid jehovah’s witnesses #please reblog #psa #exjw

[loaksky]

— 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒊𝒏𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒔𝒑𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 & 𝒊 | 𝒆. 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒂𝒎𝒔

mean neighbor!ellie x sunshine fem!reader, angst / fluff / hurt + comfort, modern!au warnings: language / 18+ content (mdni!), wc: 5k

you have a hot new neighbor…too bad she doesn’t want a thing to do with you!

tagging those who commented / liked my previous interest post!: @loversreligion , @tahni-04 , @parrotpeggy , @acnologiasgf , @maybe-cece (happy birthday gemini queen ! <3)

an — first time writing for ellie ! content warnings include oral (r!receiving), fingering (r!receiving). not my first time writing 18+ content, but my first time posting eeek. i apologize for the person ellie has turned me into lmaooo. feel free to send me more ideas, blurbs, hcs, etc.

neighbor!ellie who moves in on a hot sticky july day.

ac’s busted in the common areas, elevator hasn’t worked in weeks, and she’s moved into a unit on the fifth floor.

neighbor!ellie who’s admittedly too far gone and incredibly irritated because jesse keeps fucking around and they almost drop her flat screen on the third flight of steps.

neighbor!ellie who finally gets most of the boxes and furniture settled and doesn’t even get to collapse on the couch for .2 seconds before someone’s knocking on the door.

yanks the knob so hard, the door rattles on its hinges.

eyes narrow when she sees you, all neat, not sweaty, dressed in an outfit definitely not indicative of a night in. only makes her even more annoyed because she just wants two seconds of peace.

“yes?” her tone is sharp, gaze bored because your lips part thrice before the words are spilling out.

“i know it’s miserable out, and this building can be a piece of shit, so i made some blackberry tea!”

neighbor!ellie who gives the glass, beaded with condensation, a brief glance before crossing her arms over her chest.

“i’m allergic to blackberries,” ellie says flatly.

your round eyes widen impossibly before tucking the glass behind your back.

“oh fuck, i’m so sorry,” you babble. “i have peach! or maybe mint? i—”

“i’ll pass.”

neighbor!ellie who doesn’t beat around the bush and makes a move to close the door because she hadn’t even checked into the conversation.

“if you ever need anything, i’m right next door!” you chirp. “i’m-”

“yup, yeah, got it. good night.”

and the door is shutting in your face.

neighbor!ellie who’s trying to sleep in because she stayed up all night playing tekken 4 with jesse jolting awake when she hears three soft raps against the front door.

has an inkling of who it could be so she’s only mildly surprised when she sees you standing on the welcome mat that says ‘no weenies allowed’ because jesse thought it was the funniest thing (ellie’d been only slightly amused).

“morning,” you smile.

you have a plate covered in foil in your hands and ellie gives you a brief onceover to find that you’re dressed to the nines again (admittedly it’s just a simple sundress, but the red and white ginham cuts at the meatiest part of your thighs and she has to remind herself to keep her eyes up).

“it’s…” ellie trails off, glances at the clock on the oven to find that it’s not even 9am. “…8:52am on a saturday morning.”

“it is,” you agree, extending the plate to her. “i, uh, hope you’re not allergic to pancakes?”

“…i’m not.”

you beam.

“great!”

you’re shoving the food in her hands before she can decline and ellie finds that the ceramic is still warm.

neighbor!ellie who awkwardly holds the plate up to you as a silent thanks and shuts the door in your hopeful face.

“i gotta give it to you williams, didn’t think you’d pull within 24 hours,” jesse mutters groggily from the couch he’d helped her lug up the stairs yesterday afternoon.

“oh fuck off,” she huffs, tearing the foil from the plate to find a five-stack of fluffy pancakes with two cute little strawberry-shaped containers that has butter and syrup respectively.

“who’s it from?” jesse asks, even though he knows the answer.

“girl in 5a.”

first bite in and ellie’s eyebrows raise because wow, that’s damn good.

jesse swipes a bite despite ellie’s protests and they polish off the matching plate that she puffs a laugh at because there’s a strawberry bandit painted in the center and in shoddy lettering says, “this is a strobbery”

neighbor!ellie who surprises you by washing and returning the plate later that evening, muttering out a quick thanks before ducking back into her apartment without another word.

she leaves you blinking, staring at the space she was previously standing in a moment prior before you smile and shut the door because god ellie is so hot.

neighbor!ellie doesn’t expect it to become a routine, but more often than not, you’re knocking on her door at any given hour with snacks and she’s surprised when, a week and a half in, she’s had to do minimal grocery shopping because you’re always feeding her.

little does she know it’s because you’re looking forward to the brief moments that she’s unintentionally banging on your door to return your plates and dinnerware.

neighbor!ellie who’s a mechanic and brings your goodies to work sometimes and gets teased by the other mechanics because they think she has a girlfriend.

neighbor!ellie who after revealing she works in a garage starts opening up her front door to little reusable bags with cute notes and food puns if your schedule’s don’t line up.

neighbor!ellie whose schedule does end up frequently aligning with yours and you end up taking the same elevator down.

“morning, ellie,” you greet, smiling softly at her despite being up at the asscrack of dawn.

neighbor!ellie who yawns, takes the lunch you made for her gratefully and walks with you to the elevator.

“morning, 5a.”

neighbor!ellie who could get used to only seeing you in the fifth floor halls, however, after a few weeks, you stumble upon her in different circumstances.

you’re usually out on your balcony in the early mornings to water your plants and drink your tea or coffee, but today’s been exceptionally rough at work (you’re, surprise, a café owner) so you step out to take a deep breath late in the evening after your shift.

you definitely don’t expect to find ellie perched on a stool flicking the ash from a blunt over the railing.

“‘sup,” she hums, taking a long pull.

“hey,” you sigh.

“long day?” she humors you.

the two of you don’t really have much conversation because ellie’s always finding ways to cut interactions with you short.

and it’s not particularly because she doesn’t like you, but she’s caught the vibe you’re giving off and she doesn’t want to give you any unnecessary hope, especially after such a messy break up with the last girl.

(it’s definitely not because something about you makes her nervous).

so she doesn’t really expect you to spill, but one moment you’re debating whether or not you should divulge and the next you’re talking a mile a minute about how draining the job can be especially when employees end up being unreliable and the customers are impatient.

ellie’s gone through the entire joint and you still haven’t stopped talking and she doesn’t want to be mean, especially because you’ve been so nice to her since she’s moved in, but the high is wearing off because she’s too focused on finding an out of the one-sided conversation.

“you should come by,” you say, once you’re done babbling. “to the café, i mean. bring your friends, i’ll stay open a little later for you guys.”

that catches ellie’s attention after she’d zoned out.

“i— you don’t have to do that,” she says. “and i mean, we’re all pretty busy and—”

“no, no!” you say sweetly. “i insist! i wanna test out a few new seasonal recipes and i’d love some opinions!”

ellie’s wracking her brain, but you’re looking at her so hopefully and you look too cute with a few strands of hair falling from your updo. she really doesn’t want to give in, so she gives a lukewarm response instead.

“i’ll, uh, get back to you, i guess.”

you’re grinning.

“try to clear saturday night!” you tell her. “sometime around 9:30!”

ellie opens her mouth to give one last protest, but you’re standing from where you’d been leaning against the railing.

“it’ll be fun!” you tell her. “night, ellie!”

neighbor!ellie who really doesn’t want to go because she feels like it’ll only add fuel to the fire.

the beginning of the week rolls around and you decide that this’ll be the week you’ll finally ask ellie out.

you figure that ellie’s just really quiet, isn’t the one to really put herself out there, so you wanna take initiative.

you’re thinking of all the different recipes you could try because you really wanna wow her and her friends.

little does ellie know that you’re lowkey agonizing over saturday and it’s all you can think about: what you’ll wear, what pairings you want to present, how you’ll decorate the cafe.

meanwhile, ellie’s trying to find a way out of it and jesse’s not any help because he keeps teasing her about how she must be broken for not wanting her hot neighbor who has a glaringly obvious crush on her.

everyone on the whole floor, possibly even the whole building knows. hell, even the doorman knows (and it’s definitely not because you stop to chat with him frequently when you walk your little beagle, apple, and ellie becomes a frequent topic of conversation).

neighbor!ellie who starts avoiding you because she fears that her being receptive to your kindness is giving you the wrong idea (definitely not because you’re growing on her and you’re becoming a part of her daily routine).

neighbor!ellie who sees you twice the entire week, doesn’t answer the door when you knock, stuffs your cute little post-its about saturday somewhere in the back of her junk drawer, smokes her blunts on the roof to avoid running into on the balcony.

neighbor!ellie who spends most of her time at the garage with jesse and her coworkers in efforts to get home after you do.

you figure that maybe she is really busy and you shouldn’t have been so pushy about the tasting, but you’ve grown to really like her and you can’t give this up without officially giving it a shot.

neighbor!ellie who ducks out of her apartment when she knows you’re out on saturday and leaves her lights off, so you’ll know she isn’t home.

neighbor!ellie who spends the day with jesse and his girl and gets invited to a kickback on the otherside of town.

neighbor!ellie who’s about two joints in and a couple shots out, so she’s crossed by nine and you completely slip her mind.

you’re on the other side of town, about a block from your apartment, waiting in the cafe for ellie.

you made such a pretty spread of lavender matcha cookies and lemon muffins. used your special espresso roast to brew a delicious batch of coffee to make a few lattes.

you’d even bought flowers from next door, decorated the table and light a few candles.

it’s 9:45 and you think that she’s gonna be late, but time’s passing and the pastries are going stale, the coffee going lukewarm.

it’s 10:30 when you start losing hope.

probably 11:30 when you blow out the candles, box up the treats and throw the espresso in the cooler for some iced coffee tomorrow morning.

you should’ve seen it coming, really. she did say that her and her friends were typically busy. and she hadn’t officially confirmed it with you either so you were being rather presumptuous anyways.

you decide that maybe you’ll just drop them by her place tomorrow and ask her to lunch!

it’s about midnight when you walk up the sidewalk and see that her LEDs are on in her room. it vaguely smells like weed so you figure she’d been smoking a little.

you don’t wanna bother her so late at night so you enter your own apartment, set the box on the kitchen island before padding into your room to get ready for bed.

you should’ve seen it coming, ellie standing you up, but what you don’t see coming, or hear, for that matter, are the muffled moans through the paper thin walls.

you’d been used to hearing ellie cuss at her video games, heard her getting better at playing the guitar, bickering with jesse over who got to be who during smash bros, but this was new.

you’d never heard the voice before, pitched and whiny.

your cheeks warm because whatever ellie’s doing must be good. you can’t even find it in yourself to be relieved that ellie was interested in girls. you’d initially been scared that maybe you were reading into it all wrong.

regardless, obviously you’d read everything way way wrong because ellie’s mouth is filthy and there’s no misconstruing the fact that she’s fucking someone six ways to sunday and you can hear every gory detail.

your stomach is churning because it’s been weeks and you couldn’t even get ellie outside the fifth floor’s hallway.

it’s obvious they’re thoroughly enjoying themselves and the hurt and envy that kindles is an ugly sight to see.

you end up sleeping in the living room that night.

neighbor!ellie who chases the girl out the following morning after a nasty hangover and finally coming to terms with the fact that she’d brought someone home last night.

neighbor!ellie whose stomach drops to her ass when someone knocks on the door a few minutes later and she thinks it’s you, but it ends up being jesse.

“jesus, did 5a do that?” he asks, referring to your apartment number in regards to the fresh hickies blooming up the column of ellie’s throat.

“god no,” ellie says. “how many times do i have to tell you, that’s never happening.”

neighbor!ellie who would never tell a soul that she’d been imagining a certain someone the night prior.

neighbor!ellie who doesn’t want to think of anything more than being your neighbor because she’s locked in this lease for the next two years and she’d prefer to not shit where she sleeps.

(yeah, that’s totally it).

“dude why not? she’s obviously so down bad for you,” jesse chuckles, pushing past ellie.

she huffs a breath, defensive.

“god, i don’t know how she isn’t embarrassed, it’s fuckin’ pathetic.”

oh—

you’d heard jesse’s voice, then ellie’s, and figured you could give her the pastries you worked so hard on last night.

you’d always thought that ellie was just naturally aloof, kept to herself often, but last night was the coffin and this morning was the nail.

in the stillness of your apartment, jesse and ellie’s voice carries through the thin walls.

“i mean, you could just fuck her a couple of times, get it out of your system?”

“god, look at her, there’s not a casual bone in her body.”

“you can’t run away from her forever, yknow?”

neighbor!ellie who thinks to herself that she’ll try anyways.

neighbor!ellie who doesn’t have to try, because you become an enigma after that.

it’s the middle of the week and she hasn’t had to even try avoiding you once.

you haven’t knocked on her door since the week prior and it makes her brows furrow.

neighbor!ellie who starts feeling bad for standing you up, but feels infinitely worse when she goes to dump some of her trash and finds the carton of pastries you’d baked.

they have your café’s name emblazoned on the logo and she vaguely remembers you chattering about trying lavender in one of your recipes.

she sees the purple food coloring and her heart sinks because why are they in the trash? :(

realizes that she’s fucked up and that maybe she should just be completely transparent with you.

neighbor!ellie who hesitantly knocks on your door and waits patiently for you to answer.

hears shuffling on the other side, but you don’t open up.

neighbor!ellie who tries to convince herself that you’re just busy! work is stressful right now and you’re keeping to yourself.

but you two end up bumping into each other on the elevator (she’d been lurking), and you give her a curt greeting because you’re polite and you realize that ellie doesn’t owe you anything.

“apple’s got a haircut,” she observes, leaning down to pet the pup.

“yeah,” you hum.

“she looks cute,” ellie compliments.

“thanks.”

neighbor!ellie who’s not used to you icing her out, so she takes the leap.

“hey, i wanted to apologize…” she trails off. “about saturday. i shouldn’t have flaked.”

“s’okay,” you say simply, watching as the numbers painfully descend. “you were busy.”

a blanket of silence.

“i’m sure the pastries were great,” ellie tries again. “we could always—”

the elevator dings and the doors part.

“have a good day, ellie,” you say softly, tugging apple by the leash to leave the lift.

neighbor!ellie who swears she hears you sniffling on the other side of the wall later that night, but tries to convince herself that you’ve just got allergies.

neighbor!ellie who thinks of every excuse in the book to try and talk to you, but she ends up freezing because fuck, have you always been this pretty?

neighbor!ellie who buys a succulent and puts it on her balcony. she tries to catch you in the mornings when you’re watering your plants, but it seems like your schedules just don’t align anymore.

neighbor!ellie is frustrated as fuck because she’d been avoiding getting attached, but you don’t knock on her door to deliver snacks or talk her ear off anymore and it drives her absolutely nuts.

neighbor!ellie who gets teased infinitely more at work because her coworkers are now convinced that there’s ‘trouble in paradise’.

“jesus christ, you’re actually pathetic,” jesse rolls his eyes over breakfast one weekend.

“dude, she just…” ellie lets out a frustrated sigh. “i just—”

“you miss her,” he fills in.

ellie turns red.

“fuck you, i don’t—”

“it’s okay to admit it, yknow?” he says. “she’s a lot different from your exes. she’s genuinely sweet, in it because she really likes you.”

ellie swallows, lips pursing.

“you’re soft around her,” jesse observes. “you think that if you give in, she’s gonna uncover parts of you you don’t even let me or joel see.”

“fuck you—”

“for someone who likes bitches you—”

ellie groans.

neighbor!ellie who goes home and rolls a joint because this limbo is stressing her out.

and FINALLY! you’re watering your plants on your balcony when she slides the patio door open and slinks outside.

you don’t say anything to her, just continue watering.

she slumps in her folding lawn chair, kicking her feet up on the railing to feign nonchalance, but you haven’t blinked an eye at her and she’s annoyed.

“been doing alright?” she asks finally.

you freeze for the briefest of moments before glancing at her.

you’ve got bags under your eyes and your lips are pursed and ellie’s heart squeezes.

“yeah,” you answer simply. “fine.”

ellie hums.

“how’s work?”

“same old,” you say, turning your back to her to tend to the plants housed on the other side.

neighbor!ellie who doesn’t know what to say. who’s so used to trying to break conversation, not make them.

neighbor!ellie who fidgets because you’re making her nervous. you’re usually so sweet and smiley, but this side of you makes her gut churn.

neighbor!ellie who bites the bullet.

“i’m…i’m off on sunday…” she says, scratching the back of her neck. “if you wanted to— i dunno.”

your back straightens and she thinks you’re gonna bite, but you glance at the sidewalk below and shake your head.

“you don’t have to pretend, you know?” you say softly.

it’s like a punch in the chest and ellie’s scrambling.

“no! it’s—” she realizes she’s shouting. “it’s not like that, i—”

“i’m a big girl, ellie,” you tell her, that stupid little strawberry-shaped spray bottle squeezed tight in your hand. “if i was annoying, you could have just said that.”

and god she feels so fucking awful because this entire time, you’d just been trying to be nice to her. it was a harmless crush and—

“i don’t think you’re annoying,” she argues weakly. “can you…can you look at me, please?”

your head tilts up and ellie realizes that you’re trying to stop yourself from crying.

“god, i really am pathetic,” is your watery whisper.

ellie’s crossing the balcony, fully ready to climb over the railing onto your patio, but you’re quickly dashing away the tears and throwing the sliding door open.

“goodnight,” you tell her, and you’re sealing her out in the humid air.

neighbor!ellie who’s in knots because living next to someone she used to see everyday fucking sucks now that all the two of you are reduced to is straining extra hard to hear your shuffling from the other side of the walls.

neighbor!ellie who stands in front of your door sometimes, wanting to knock, but feeling like she doesn’t deserve closure with you because it’s all her fault.

neighbor!ellie who realizes that the very awkwardness and discomfort she was avoiding to begin with could’ve been avoidable had she just been up front with you.

you were sweet and you were understanding…mature. you would’ve probably taken better to honesty than ellie blowing you off and lowkey being an ass to you.

neighbor!ellie being scolded by jesse after a couple of days pass because he’s beating her ass at smash bros without even trying and it’s hurting his ego.

“are you seriously gonna keep moping over 5a?” he asks after the fourth round won.

“i’m not moping,” ellie grumbles.

“oh c’mon dude,” jesse moans in annoyance. “you and 5a have this dad with four kids who doesn’t want a puppy but ends up loving the shit out of the—”

“i do not love her,” ellie barks.

jesse smirks.

“that’s all you took from that, ellie, seriously?” jesse scoffs.

“i mean, it’s not like there’s much that can be done, anyways,” ellie grunts, tossing the video game controller onto the coffee table’s surface. “she fuckin’ hates me and i don’t blame her.”

“5a does not hate you,” jesse sighs. “her feelings are just hurt, but you can fix it.”

“and how’s that?” ellie crosses her arms over her chest.

“you’re a smart girl, you’ll figure it out.” jesse grabs the discarded controller from the coffee table and shoves it into ellie’s chest. “now put your all into this next round, i’m still gonna beat your ass.”

neighbor!ellie who’s never felt more nervous in her life.

who’s standing a block away from the café you own with a little gift bag and a bouquet of flowers.

neighbor!ellie who’s used to effortless relationships and casual situationships.

neighbor!ellie who’s scared shitless that she’s making the wrong decision giving in like this, but maybe jesse’s right and you’re just what she needs.

neighbor!ellie whose hands shake the entire walk up to the café.

she sees you with your back turned towards the door, probably doing closing inventory or something of the like with the way you scribble quickly against a clipboard.

you look so in your element with your apron tied tight around the narrow of your waist and perhaps now’s not the appropriate time, but your work pants look exceptionally great spread over the—

“i’m sorry, but we’re closed for the evening,” your voice sounds when ellie opens the front door and the chime tinkles against the glass.

“i’ll make it quick,” ellie says quietly, paper wrap around the flowers crinkling as she shifts on her feet.

you whirl around with wide eyes, almost dropping the clipboard when you find your neighbor standing in the middle of your café.

she looks so good in a fitted brown button up rolled to the elbow to reveal the whorls of ink decorating her forearms and skinny jeans that are way too good at highlighting the muscles of her thighs.

“ellie, what are you doing here?” you ask, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

“i was, er, in the area?”

one of your eyebrows raise.

“well, is there something i can help you with?” you ask, eyeing the flowers and the giftbag in what ellie can only read as disdain.

it’s like the day you two first met all over again but the roles are reversed. her lips gape once, twice, then three times as she tries to find the words. but ellie’s never been good at talking about how she feels, at being vulnerable.

“i have to close up,” you prod, tone tired. “and whoever you’re visiting after this is probably waiting.”

the words after are a silent insinuation.

god knows i did.

you’re turning on your heel and ellie knows she’s losing you.

“i like you.” she says suddenly.

you freeze, fist tightening mercilessly around your clipboard.

“that’s not funny,” you say stonily. “you don’t have to make an ass out of me for having feelings for you, ellie. i get it, it’s hilarious that your dorky neighbor has a crush on you, but you don’t have to drag it. i’m—”

neighbor!ellie who’s always thought that you talk a tad too much and sets the gifts on the nearest table before crossing the distance between the two of you.

she’s towering over you and you’re looking up at her with furrowed brows as she pries the clipboard from your fingers and kisses you without another word.

“wait, wait,” you whisper, pulling away from her momentarily.

her lips chase yours, one hand splaying over the small of your back as the other cradles your chin.

“i’m sorry,” she says quietly. “i didn’t—”

“i don’t understand,” you admit. “you…you and your friend were—”

ellie shakes her head vehemently.

“i was being stupid,” she says quickly. “it’s—” she sighs. “it’s a long story.”

“but the night of the tasting,” you start. “you brought someone home…i heard you.”

ellie closes her eyes in defeat, rolls her lips as she presses her forehead against yours.

“it was a mistake, you have to believe me,” she pleads softly. “i was drunk out of my mind and high as hell and—”

she stops talking when she sees the expression on your face, notices the way your fingers hover.

“you have every right not to entertain this,” ellie swallows. “and i know i’ve been awful to you, but i…i really like you 5a.”

your head tilts down and ellie’s leaning forward in an effort to keep the eye contact.

“i’m not good at stuff like this,” she confesses. “obviously.”

you breathe out an involuntary laugh.

“but you’re different, really different,” ellie says. “and you make me feel so fuckin’ weird—”

you flinch.

“a good weird!” she assuages. “it’s good. and i really wanna try things with you if you’ll let me.”

you look hesitant, but ellie’s hopeful and you’ve always been a sucker for green eyes.

18+ BONUS

neighbor!ellie really wanted to take things slow with you after officially winning you over, but she can’t really help herself.

she takes you out a week after your heart-to-heart in your café, a nice restaurant you’d chattered about during your elevator rides to the lobby, and she’d been so close to making it through dinner and keeping it appropriate, but the dessert the two of you ordered had strawberries.

needless to say, when you’d taken a bite into the candied fruit and the juice curved down your jaw and slithered between your cleavage, ellie threw a wad of bills onto the table top and dragged you out of the restaurant.

didn’t make it far, ended up at the edge of the parking lot in the back seat of her car with two of her fingers knuckles deep in your heat while she swallowed your moans whole.

neighbor!ellie who takes you to hers after you cum twice and she tastes you for the first time.

“fuck, angel,” she whispers against your clit. “pussy’s too good.”

the sight is a devastating one, your skirt bunched around your waist and your top discarded somewhere on her bedroom floor.

one of your hands bunches her sheets in your fist, the other threaded through her brown hair as she eats you out like she’s absolutely starved.

“that’s it, princess,” she eggs you on, stuffing her fingers and curling against the walls of your spongy cunt. her tongue is sloppy against your little bud and your dulcet moans are buttery soft, absolute music to her ears.

that night seems to be the straw that breaks the camel’s back because she can’t get enough of you.

especially not when you wear that red and white gingham sundress you’d worn the second time the two of you met.

neighbor!ellie who spends so much time in your apartment now, likes to especially when you’re baking because you wear that stupidly tiny dress in your stupidly tiny kitchen and it takes every ounce of self control to keep her kisses on your exposed shoulders appropriate.

you start kneading the dough and she can’t keep her hands to herself, hooking her jaw into the crook of your neck as her fingers dance under the hem of your dress and ghosts the seam of your thighs.

“y’look so pretty,” ellie hums, tongue darting to lave at the juncture of your jaw and your neck.

“wait, ah!” fingertips trace over your mound and a semi-giddy, semi-disbelieving laugh rumbles from ellie’s chest when she finds you aren’t wearing any panties.

“you’re a dirty girl, angel,” she bites, one arm securing around your waist, the other toying with the slick coating your inner thighs. “what happened to getting work done?”

all you manage is a breathy cry when ellie skips the formalities and taps your clit roughly.

“el—ellie!” you whimper, one of your flour dusted hands wrapping around her wrist as your back arches and your ass presses into her hips.

your body stutters when you feel something nestle between the pert cheeks of your ass.

you throw a surprised look over your shoulder and ellie’s already grinning lazily at you as she continues kissing all over you.

“surprise,” she whispers.

neighbor!ellie who’s so gone. who still constantly gets teased by jesse and her coworkers. who wasn’t willing to admit it at first, but wants absolutely everything to do with you.

neng © 2023

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams #ellie williams smut #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams tlou #ellie tlou

[saetoru]

✩ ‧₊˚ ✩ FATHERLY COMPETITION — GETO SUGURU.

contents. non curse au, girl dad! suguru ft the twins, fem! + mother! reader, satoru is megumi’s father <3, silly lil family shenanigans and suguru having a one sided rivalry w satoru bc he’s a bum like that

suguru loves being a father—it’s just as they say it is. one day, you’re free and young and opposed to the idea of being tied down, and then the next second you’re cradling two newborns that make you want to dig to the earth’s core with your bare hands, all for the tiny humans in front of you.

he loves his two girls—they make the world go around and the stars come out and they make something as bright as the sun look dull and lifeless compared to those sweet smiles. but sometimes, he’d really appreciate being able to sleep in on a saturday morning.

“daddy, wake up,” there’s a poke to his cheek. mimiko is at least gentle with her disruptions—nanako has simply taken to jumping on the mattress by his feet.

“daddy, you promised,” nanako whines—it’s makes you stir with a soft groan, eyes opening to peer up at the two (very cute) troublemakers in your bed.

“what’d you promise this time, suguru?” you raise a brow, making him sigh as he rubs the sleep from his eyes.

“said i’d take them to the zoo,” he grunts, “but it’s not open for—” he looks at the time on his phone. seven thirty two am. “for another two and a half hours.”

“girls,” you start, “we have to wait a bit. why don’t you go back to bed—”

“we can stay here, mommy!” nanako brightens, squeezing between you and suguru to wrap her arms around your neck.

it’s cute, you suppose. it’s always endearing to be snuggled up by one of your little girls, but something tells you that you won’t be sleeping again any time soon. so you sigh, turning towards suguru and wrapping nanako in your arms as suguru does the same with mimiko and gives you an amused grin.

“i think we spoil them,” he murmurs, making you scoff.

“you spoil them. i’m the voice of reason in this household.”

“so now it’s a crime to give your kids fun family experiences that not everyone is fortunate enough to have—”

“you know what the not so generous parents out there probably have more than us? sleep.”

“that’s probably true,” he mutters, yawning before he presses a gentle kiss to mimiko’s forehead. “but at least we’re the world’s coolest parents. right girls?”

“megumi is going to the beach today,” nanako says as a matter of factly, “his dad is super cool.”

“and funny,” mimiko adds.

suguru’s face sours at that—you try your best not to giggle.

“oh so now satoru is cooler than me? he shouldn’t even be trusted near the ocean with children, they’ll drown—”

“satoru is careful,” you chuckle, “well….most of the time.”

“okay,” suguru raises a brow, looking expectantly at nanako, “but has satoru ever taken megumi ice skating? bet he hasn’t done that—”

“yeah they did,” nanako says instantly, “that’s why we asked to go.”

“well have they gone to the zoo?” he asks petulantly. she nods, and his lips curl into a pout.

suguru looks positively fumed at the idea that his best friend seems to be cooler in the eyes of his own children. you can practically watch the gears work in his head before he looks smugly over at the blonde girl curled up against your chest.

“okay, but have they ever been to a petting zoo?” he raises a brow, “there’s a difference.”

the two girls exchange a look before slowly, the excitement creeps up on their faces as they look at him in disbelief. suguru looks hopelessly smug with himself.

“you mean we can pet the animals?” nanako asks in wonder.

“yup,” suguru nods, grinning widely. you snort at his petty one sided competition.

“can i pet a giraffe?” mimiko asks, poking his arm as he nods excitedly.

“yeah, and you can feed it too.”

they squeal at that—and if suguru throws you a look of pure victory on his face, you decide not to ruin his moment just yet. because you already know it won’t last long until—

“what about whales? can we pet those too?”

“and a shark?”

“i wanna pet a tiger!”

“well, i don’t think those are really the safest options for a petting—”

“daddy, you’re so cool,” they gasp. suguru gives you a look that screams for help, but you only giggle, pecking nanako on the forehead as you send a sly wink to your husband.

“you are so cool,” you agree, “i can’t wait to see the tigers we can pet.”

he looks at you with betrayal in his eyes as the pout returns on his lips. “i trusted you,” he huffs.

“that was your fault,” you grin cheekily. it’s all a bit funny at his expense—but you also can’t help but be endeared at the way suguru does his best. for your girls. for you. for your sweet little family. so you take mercy on him, turning to your daughters as you murmur, “i think you’re a bit too young for those animals right now. let’s start small, yeah?”

they nod along, and you and suguru share an amused look. and then—

“make sure you guys tell megumi all about your trip next time you see him, okay?”

suguru be bragging to satoru like “my kids went to the petting zoo” and satoru’s clueless ass is like “oh !! that’s so nice !! i’m taking my kids to disney !!”

#teepods.writings #drabbles. #geto x reader #geto x you #geto fluff #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jjk fluff #geto suguru x reader #geto suguru x you #geto suguru fluff #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jujutsu kaisen x you #jujutsu kaisen x reader