#as adults we remember those feelings but in the context of our adult lives they feel silly

[clamorybus]

granted i grew up in a fairly large family (the kind where it seems like every year someone had a new baby lol) so i have a lot of experience taking care of them, but ive never understood the vitriol against kids

not wanting to be a parent, i totally understand. hating messes and screaming i get; pretty much everyone hates those. but pure hatred i do not get

#like. i know saying 'kids are just little people who are still working shit out' sounds like a shit post but it's honestly the truth! #children aren't a different species than us. they function very much the same as any adult does #its just that 1) everything is new to them and 2) their world is a lot smaller than an adult's #a skinned knee is the worst thing a 2 year old has ever experienced #a standardized test is extremely stressful when you're 8 #a friend playing with someone else at recess is a deep betrayal when you're 11 #as adults we remember those feelings but in the context of our adult lives they feel silly #they aren't silly to kids though #i feel like kids become a lot less alien if you remember that #they really are little humans! they can be rude and loud and messy and cruel. but not uniquely so #and i will reemphasize that its fine if you don't want to be a parent #society might demand it (especially of women) but its not for everyone #hell i love kids and have taken care of them for my whole life but often even i question if i want kids #just. don't be a dick #mickey.txt #also im thinking about cheyenne lin's video about kids under capitalism #especially the bit about how people who grew up wealthy and/or in the suburbs are often the ones #who complain online about children. possibly because they're used to having space and quiet #and not being inconvenienced by others in public spaces. like obviously based on polling data she didn't run #so its not like a guaranteed scientific fact. but i think it does play a factor in a lot of cases #like the hyper-individualism of it all y'know?

[mortalityplays]

about a month back I was walking home from a union meeting with another member who lived in my direction. I automatically took my usual route, through a quiet industrial block dominated by construction and scrap yards and those single storage unit offices that are basically a metal box with a parking space. he hesitated to follow me, and then explained that he'd never taken this route before because he felt out of place and nervous there. he's from a middle class background, wears blazers and corduroy with lapel pin badges, you know the kind of look.

now this is not me criticising him, as far as I know him he's a good dude who shows up for the union and gets involved in direct action and generally puts his money where is mouth is. he's worked on outreach and gone door knocking in this same area and is very relaxed and pleasant in any company. in this sense he's a better leftist than a lot of people I've met who have the aesthetics and talking points down but turn shy when you ask how they actually participate.

anyway, he walked with me and we talked about it. he admitted he simply had no experience of this kind of industrial environment. he associated it with the rough working class pubs on the main street nearby, and inferred that it was dangerous to him as an outsider. I explained that it was a working environment, that each lot was somebody's business, and that the closed units he saw were offices used by traders who just needed somewhere to manage invoices, payroll and accounts a couple of times a week. nobody is going to beat up a complete stranger in broad daylight for walking past their place of work. as soon as he understood that, he relaxed.

thing is, the only reason I know this is because I grew up around these places. I worked out of an office unit just like those for a while in my teens, and walked to and from my job without ever being hassled in their vicinity. I went to school with the lads whose fathers and uncles owned the construction and scrap yards and shipping warehouses around us, and who went to work there as soon as they were old enough to wear a hard hat. the difference between a dangerous industrial space and a neutral part of the everyday environment is something I learned by living in it. the tradeoff is that I feel uncomfortable in middle class cul de sacs, because the danger zones there are invisible to me.

class is woven into our understanding of the world as children, blended seamlessly with our sense of objectivity before we have a chance to question it. as adults we have the capacity and context to unpack a lot of those assumptions and reinvent the borders around them — go door knocking for the union, build new relationships across class lines — but we can't ignore the fact that class is one of our primary cultural experiences. you will carry it with you like a half remembered motherland your entire life, like it or not.

[heckyeahponyscans]

The situation with Israel and Gaza reminds me so much of the United States right after the 9/11 attack in 2001. When every concern that the US should avoid killing civilians was met with, "Oh, so you don't support our troops and want the TERRORISTS to win??"

I was a young adult during 9/11 and I remember the fear and anger that roiled American. So I understand Israelis feeling those emotions. Anger is a natural emotion. But if you let it rule you, nothing good will come of it.

In 2001, I was as angry as any American and I thought we were right to go to war to Afghanistan, "to get the terrorists". (I was always against the Iraq war.) If I could travel back in time, I would tell younger-me, "It wasn't worth it." All that was accomplished was thousands of American soldiers and hundreds of thousands of innocent Afghans died. When our soldiers finally caught up with Osama bin Ladin and killed him . . . I felt nothing. To kill this one bad man, we left an ocean of dead innocents. And for what? Bombs can't kill terrorism any more than they can kill grief.

Looking at Israel, I am disturbed to see the highest members of its government label any criticism of it "anti-semitism" and equating empathy with the Gazans--a civilian population trapped, cut off from clean water, from food, from fuel--as "supporting Hamas." Anti-semitism does exist, of course, and it is wrong. But critiquing the political actions of a political state is not automatically "anti-semitic." Saying Gazans don't deserve to be indiscriminately killed is not "supporting terrorism."

It's so bitterly funny that the US State Department had a big media blitz to convince everyone "Israel didn't bomb a hospital, dont' get it twisted! It was a Hamas missile gone astray! We repeat, Israel DID NOT bomb a hospital!", and then Israel attacked, like, three hospitals. Supposedly there are Hamas tunnels under them.

Even if those tunnels exist, attacking a hospital is not justified. Because it's a hospital. And it doesn't even make sense in context. If someone told me "There are terrorists hiding under that hospital, they are armed and dangerous and have taken hostages," my first thought would be "Holy shit, we've got to evacuate the patients and medical staff before the terrorists take them hostage too!"

I would not think "Well, let's surround the place and prevent medical supplies from entering so the patients slowly die, while the terrorists escape via the tunnels that I think exist."

It seems like this 'war' is mostly about destroying as many lives and as much infrastructure as possible.

#politics #Middle East #Israel #Gaza #Hamas #I don't intend to talk about this further here #because I like to think of this blog as a get away from the pressures of life #but I had to speak up #I have been following the news closely #and the suffering of the Palestinian people weighs on my mind

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I asked my girlfriend to get me a replacement mask?

So I and my girlfriend (both adults) are in a long-distance relationship and live on different continents but visit each other for periods of weeks to months at a time. As background context, my girlfriend is notoriously bad with money - she's owed me over $1500 for half a year now after I covered some big expenses for her when she was unable to save in time, though I've told her there's no particular deadline for giving it back and to just do it when she's able, but she's also borrowed money from her parents, she's paying off a credit card debt, and despite having a full-time job she seems completely unable to save anything substantial and is constantly buying things.

We both like a certain musician, and this shared interest in the musician is actually how we met in the first place and bonded. They've dropped some merch in the past, and it always sold out within 5-10 minutes, and they're borderline impossible to get now unless you a) are lucky enough to find another fan who's giving theirs away, which is super rare because of how hard they are to replace, or b) are willing to fork out thousands of dollars for a resold one on some dodgy site somewhere. One of the merch items I got from one of those drops was a facemask, and my girlfriend has a matching one - I can't remember if it was something I bought for her, since I did that with some merch if I got there in time, or one she bought herself. It became a huge comfort item for me - I'm both autistic and have avoidant personality disorder, so I'm almost always in some kind of mask to hide my face, and this one being connected to a special interest as well as comfortable and a perfect size (and goes with all my clothes!) made me super happy. Last time she visited, we joked around about having identical masks but that it was easy to tell which one was hers because it had makeup stains all over the inside.

As she packed to leave, I mentioned that I couldn't find my mask anywhere and asked if she'd picked mine up as well as hers by accident, so she dug through her bags and said she didn't have it, only hers. I was kinda disappointed but I figured it'd turn up sooner or later so I accepted it, and she flew back home.

A few days later, she let me know she'd unpacked and discovered she actually did have both our masks. I asked her to send it back to me, and she said she would.

Fast forward a few months, I'd asked a few more times, and she always said she would soon. Eventually, when I asked one time, she told me she'd lost it. Her mother had tidied her entire room and she no longer had any idea where either of our masks were. I was kind of frustrated so I asked why she couldn't have just sent it over when I initially asked, and she snapped back that she couldn't afford it, which doesn't make much sense to me because she definitely does have enough to send over a flat envelope, which a fabric face mask would easily fit in just like a letter.

It's been a few months since then and I've been looking and looking for any kind of replacement, but all I can find are knock-off versions that are made from different materials or don't look the same. I did see one resold for like $20 ages ago, so it definitely happens, but it's so rare.

WIBTA if I told my girlfriend I'm expecting her to replace the one she lost even if it's putting more financial pressure on her? I feel really dumb for getting so upset about a mask, but it was one of my favourite belongings and it's genuinely upsetting that it was taken and lost.

To get out ahead of any comment saying it, I have full 100% faith that she did not do it intentionally and she didn't sell it or anything like that. She wouldn't have even thought about the possibility of doing that and I absolutely believe it was an accident and she just grabbed both masks or had been holding onto mine for me and forgotten it was in a bag etc.

#aita #am i the asshole

[witheredsnow]

My first blogged short story awhile ago that I just thought of posting to... Idk. I guess to relieve myself of some things by turning it into embellished fiction. It was more well-received than I thought. Now this is the third. Thanks for reading. -Rei

It's Not the Same, a short story on an aroace POV

Sunny mornings, cool windy breezes and the sparse green. That was what most days were like with you, my dearest friend.

Sprawled on the ground of your small yard. Green was hard to come by sadly.

We were both young and lived like the world was a fantasy.

Although, I wished I could be in a better fantasy. With you, of course.

A cottage in the woods, surrounded by green, yellows, blues, pinks and violets. Even young, I wanted an idyllic life.

Wouldn't that be a great fantasy.

And I told you about it. Would you want to be there with me too? When we're both older and have to live in reality, let's have this piece of fantasy. Together.

Oh how happy my words made you look. Sparkly eyed youth with red tinted cheeks.

Then you held out your pinky... Oh, right. Of course I would promise.

I want to be with you even years later. And I know you feel the same way as you told me too.

...

.....

But perhaps, it wasn't exactly the same way.

...

We grew older into bigger kids though still kids and still the closest of bonds there is.

Adults say we look cute together as we continue to grow older. Mmm... I mean, I suppose? Individually we look cute, so together we're cuter. I think I understand the logic.

Or maybe I misunderstood.

... I don't know.

Hm? You seem more timid when they say that.

Everyone looked on with a knowing smile or glance.

I... Really don't understand.

...

....

And sometimes I wished I continued to stay ignorant.

But that would be unfair to you, no?

...

Getting even older. It wasn't that exciting to me, in all honesty.

I think I'm starting to get into the reality of growing older... Not that fun. Oh, how I daydreamed of our childhood fantasies when I'm bored.

I never gave up on that dream as I continue to dream it night and day. Do you still remember?

Of course you do. You would encourage and support me too. I know I will want you to be there with me.

You know, that was what I was most looking forward to in getting older. To be with you in that fantasy like I've told you many years ago.

You smiled softly at the declaration I said out loud.

Although, these days... I don't think it'll be just as I wanted. I... Don't know what it is. I don't know where is it not what I wanted.

...

....

But later, I know what it was.

....

Huh? Pardon? What did you say?

My mind stopped working. Or rather, it was working but it was working to block out the words I don't understand why I was denying. Did that make sense?

Hm... Anyway, erm, I understand what you said that you were feeling. Towards me to be exact. And I understand the context of said feelings...

Maybe I did a while ago...

If I said I don't feel the same way or rather, I never will feel the same and I never did feel the same... No, that's not an 'if'. I should say it and I did.

The eyes that looked at me fondly and with growing attraction I chose to ignore when I became aware of its nature now looked hurt. Because I hurt you with this truth.

You thought I felt the same. That I liked you... Or possibly even loved you.

And I did and still do. But... It wasn't ever the same way as you. It took me long to be aware of that.

I... I'm sorry.

...

.....

It wasn't the same ever since that day and I sometimes grieved because of that fact.

So this is reality for us, huh.

....

You looked great together.

I said that as I attended your wedding. Now those words are truly fitting.

You smiled a small smile as I did the same.

It really wasn't the same anymore. But that's not always a bad thing. If it meant that I could see you smile again and have your heart be reciprocated the same way, then it definitely isn't now.

You're still my dearest friend... No matter what.

...

.....

"Hey... So house—or rather, cottagewarming party soon?"

"Yeah. Don't be late."

...

#Aroace #aroace #aromantic #asexual #aro #writers on tumblr #rei's random stuff #written

[omg-whathaveidone]

*I'm re-sharing this in the wake of another horrific tragedy. We must learn from past pain...we must never forget.

"The jury’s verdict will never blind the world to what we saw on the videotape" April 29, 1992

I recently had a bit of a reality check when I was asked who Rodney King was by a grown adult, who was literally a year old when Los Angeles rose up. I don't want to describe what happened in 1992 as "rioting" because to me it was an awakening. I wasn't much older than an infant at the time...I was a tween. And I grew up in Ohio...so far removed from life in a huge California city. But the impact of being a child and witness to the chaos and racism will live with me forever.

As a tween, I was still sensitive enough to understand the pain I saw on television and the fear mixed with absolute righteous anger. The violent assault of Rodney King by police footage is so ingrained in my mind that I can still almost hear the ABC news reporters dissecting each awful baton swing caught on a grainy video. It still gives me chills and that's probably why I am still having difficulty understanding the experience of someone who would never have an emotional connection to that horrible day or the days following the verdict in Los Angeles.

During our discussion, my acquaintance asked a seemingly innocent question after I reviewed what happened in April 1992.

"And what was the jury's reason for acquittal?"

His question rang in my head because I had to explain that we had no internet. No one could question the jurors or the media to push for more information. The decision was just....done.

I've been thinking about that moment when he asked this question for days. Our society had absolutely no way to push for accountability in 1992. Voices were ignored by entire systems. People were dehumanized as props. Rodney King's despair and heartbreaking plea for us all to just "get along" was mocked for years. There was no "calling out", there was no organizing of young voices nationwide for mass protest, there was only an infinite void of injustice. And that is why Los Angeles was at a breaking point.

The context of this crucial learning point has been so misconstrued since the nineties. It makes me wonder if folks, specifically well meaning activists, who are the same age and younger than my acquaintance really see the political connections. Those who have mostly lived outside of systemic racism or who have benefitted from it may not see the similarities. The racist mantras of "inner-city violence" that are used against the current movements to protect black and brown lives were the same ones back in the nineties. Unfortunately, the rising of LA was used as "proof" in support of more racist stereotypes and are currently used in rhetoric by the right wing. There is no legitimacy to any such mantras yet I see social justice movements still being thwarted by these old tropes.

So...I guess the reason this whole conversation sticks with me is because of how quickly the real lessons of history are lost. And this is by design. Critical race theory isn't taught in a book. It is learned by sharing experiences and remembering the lessons of our pain and triumph. And I say this as a woman of color with a Master's degree in Humanities. I could never teach someone straight facts of something like April 1992. It had to be felt. And I hope that we all remember to share those feelings so we never really forget.

#social justice #blacklivesmatter #activism #critical thinking #critical race studies #justice for all #blogging #storytelling #blm #end police brutality #tyre nichols

[r-osehips]

And now is when I must posit a question that has been weighing on me greatly: Is it possible we’re wrong about Lottie being the Antler Queen? We deduced as much after she was framed by antlers in a shot in season one and then later actually donned a crown made from them. But is this genuine confirmation? Could our real Antler Queen be Shauna? Something about the way the Antler Queen gestures for the others to eat the flesh in the show’s pilot does echo the way Shauna grants permission to feast on Jackie in “Edible Complex.” Could Lottie’s ascension to a cult leader in her adulthood not be an attempt to reclaim the position she had in the woods but rather a position that she was denied and feels she is owed? Or is Lottie indeed the Antler Queen and Shauna is something like her war general? After all, we don’t see the Antler Queen do any of the hunting or slaying herself; it’s easy to assume Shauna’s holding the knife when a girl’s throat is slashed to drain her blood in the pilot. Adult Lottie, on the surface, seems more nefarious than Adult Shauna, but doesn’t that hinge on the exact assumptions I’m talking about when I say these dangerous men in the chop shop don’t see Shauna as just as dangerous as them? Shauna might not have an army of followers, but she’s like a sleeper agent, performing a boring by-the-numbers life while harboring a hunger for violence, for murder! This monologue makes her sound extremely hungry for murder! She would never cry over dead bees like Lottie.

[…] A common narrative about serial killers is that they can often live very normal lives, with spouses, kids, quaint little homes tucked into quiet neighborhoods. And they can often go through long stretches of not killing, too. How many people has Shauna killed? The way she talks here, I think it’s much more than just Adam. I think stabbing Adam, which she also did so easily and without any remorse despite having a long sexual affair with him, reanimated something dormant in her. I don’t think Shauna has been secretly serial killing for the past 25 years, but I do think she has killed more than we think and isn’t just capable of violence but actively courts it.

And that brings me back to a subtle but ultimately very meaningful parallel I noticed between the two Shaunas in this episode. Remember those bolded words from above that Shauna says to Jeff? She said she liked the affair with Adam, because she felt like she didn’t know what was going to happen. Later, Teen Shauna says the following to Lottie in the cabin, still reckoning with the Jackie feast from the night before and clearly rattled by it:

“I’m scared, Lottie. Everything just feels out of control, like I don’t know what’s gonna happen next. What if I—”

Lottie interrupts her to say she won’t hurt the baby. And there’s a lot packed into this short conversation between them, so it’d be easy to miss this echoing of words, especially since it’s not perfectly verbatim. But this can’t be a coincidence, right? Teen Shauna is terrified by the prospect of not knowing what’s going to happen next. But as an adult, Shauna craves that uncertainty. Her fear has alchemized into desire. The Shaunas express these sentiments in different contexts, and Sophie Nélisse and Melanie Lynskey imbue the words with tonally disparate emotions, but it feels very significant in both moments. What if Shauna’s response to feeling out of control is ultimately to embrace it? To flirt with chaos the way we see her do as an adult? Sometimes the only way to conquer what we’re scared of is to turn it into something pleasurable, as fucked-up as that can sometimes feel. Teen Shauna and Adult Shauna both have talked about feeling fucked-up this season, Adult Shauna in the premiere and Teen Shauna here in “Digestif.”

I do doubt Adult Taissa and Adult Nat would be so trusting of Adult Shauna the way they are in season one if she had been some sadistic ruler in the wilderness, but I also think Shauna is sometimes good at pinning things on others, the way she convinced the group to isolate Jackie from the cabin even though she was the one who had so greatly betrayed Jackie. It’s possible she could have done worse in the woods but been able to scapegoat Lottie or otherwise manipulate those around her. Shauna’s not good at lying, but she does have a tendency to get away with shit. And this moment in the chop shop makes it clear that violence isn’t just a means to an end for her; it’s something that actively excites her.

-Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya in the Autostraddle recap of Yellowjackets 2x03, “Digestif”

#obsessed w this theory. and w these recaps generally SO GOOD AAAH #yellowjackets #yellowjackets theories #shauna shipman

[raelle-writing]

It’s largely the shipping that is causing the issues. I like both PheeNon and PheeJin for different reasons. JinNon would be cute too in different universe. PheeNon is the classic high school/first love romance . It’s sweet, innocent and full of butterfly’s and idealistic. We always hope for the first love to be the one but it’s rare that it is. It’s something that we’ll always remember though regardless of how many loves we have for the rest of our lives.

Just based on what we’ve seen so far PheeJin is more adult, sexually charged and intense. Some would say it’s morally wrong for them to be together but sometimes I like couples that are so wrong, they’re right. It seems like they can read each other well and therefore they know what the other person needs. So there is potential for a long term relationship. If the feelings are real.

I agree with you, and I honestly don't understand it. I have ghost ships that aren't even really seen on screen together from other shows. Just enjoy your ship? And especially when it comes to PheeNon I'm like - the show is billed as TaCopper's show. They earned it when they won THC. Why are you kicking up a fuss like that's "taking away" from Barcode? It makes no sense to me, particularly since Codey has Wuju Bakery coming out next month.

I liked PheeNon, they were cute. I also liked the potential of JinNon. PheeJin is and has been my main ship the entire time so of course I'm biased, but I agree with you. PheeNon was very much first love, high school love, puppy love. They stepped past each other's boundaries. They lied to each other. They hurt each other and broke up. I think PheeJin has was more potential for a longer lasting relationship IF (and these are big ifs):

They can learn to talk to each other

Phee can get over Jin taking the video

Jin can get over Phee getting close to him with an ulterior motive

I also don't even think it's wrong for them to be together tbh. For the most part, they're the least-awful of all the characters. I wrote a meta previously about how the two of them were parallels in episode 7 in how they reacted to Non. I think both of them's biggest sins were reacting in anger to a situation where they didn't have all the context. They both deserve the opportunity to heal and move on and learn to love again, even if what they did in those moments was bad.

Anyway, thanks for the message! I agree with you, and I wish this fandom was a little less tiresome but at least it hasn't entirely ruined the fun!

#dead friend forever #dff

[sea-salted-wolverine]

so here's a thing I've learned about the continuum of intimacy and what you're drinking.

it goes, in order, water, wine, soda, cocktails, beer, liquor, fruit juice, wine again, milk, light beer, then water. milk sometimes goes along with soda. tea has a position on this continuum but it wildly varies depending on the individual relationship with tea. coffee is also in there somewhere.

Water goes first because it is the first option offered. If you are having a drink with someone in any context and they have water it's a surface-level interaction. a water cooler conversation. gee, the weather kind of small talk.

Wine is what you have with dinner, and you pretend there's a gravity to the decision of what wine they picked but there's not. it's what your mom and your mother-in-law exchange because of social obligation. what your grandmother drinks as she surveys her own personal matriarchy she built purely so she could stand atop it. It is the expected, ostensibly mature option. It's bad grape juice.

Soda, at the very least tastes like something. if you're drinking soda with someone they made a choice about what they're drinking and you know something about them now, even if it's just a brand allegiance. adults don't drink soda with dinner and maybe that makes it childish, the first assertions of identity. or maybe you're just out having a relaxed good time, a casual lunch.

Cocktails offer the illusion of sophistication. juice and alcohol mixed in an effort to look more impressive. But now you know what they think is impressive. show each other your masks and you know what they want to present to you.

beer is for relaxing a bit. we all have to chill sometime and I might as well chill with you. we can acknowledge those masks and admit that they're just a facade. maybe we get a little bit tipsy but it's gonna take some doing, we can control our descent into disinhibition, which utterly defeats the point.

Liquor is an undeniable statement. who are you. what are you drinking? bourbon is American from the grain to the glass. Whiskey is looser. tequila is the fun vodka wishes it was. gin needs a friend. are we bothering with shots or drinking a half inch at a time off the bottom of a pint glass? let's get drunk, tell me who you are.

fruit juice is who you actually are. fruit juice is who you are when you have a drink with the thirsty five-year-old who wants something sweeter than water. the juvenile slurping and disarming sweetness. Have a drink with me. we are people, we are humans, we are thirsty animal bodies and we can have some juice together.

wine is what your mother offers you when she realizes that you're an adult now too. a person just like her. an adult who can drink wine. wine is what you're drinking when she's realizing that she's gonna end up like her mother and wine is what you're drinking when you realize you're gonna end up like her.

milk is the midnight slurp from the jug when no one can see you. I saw you. I won't tell. gimme that. slurp. tomorrow when you get the Thai food that's soo good and too spicy you're gonna think about this.

Light beer doesn't taste like much. that's kinda the point. it's for the brittle white plastic lawn chair that's been degraded by the sun to an indescribable sort of texture that never gets clean. it's for that time when your dad tells you about watching a man's skull get crushed by an industrial hammer and you just have to blink at the evening air about it. anyways, join a fuckin union.

Water is what you offer your friend when she comes over to tell you she's leaving her boyfriend after the death of his brother. it's just the pair of you raw-dogging reality and all its consequences. it's the drink you have to cajole down your great aunt's throat when you're the last living relative who will take care of her. She doesn't remember how you're related, and honestly neither do you. Water is all your uncle will drink after rehab. Water is the only drink you feel confident offering your diabetic baby niece. Water is what you're drinking when you've already said all there is to say because you know the person you're drinking with so well. when you can stand up at the top of that mountain and have a drink to wash the dust from your throat and say, gee, what about that weather.

#wolverine warbles #writing

[karofsky]

Yesterday I found out a friend of mine passed, which was very sudden. He was battling cancer late last year, and was on the mend, and I guess something just happened so fast, and then he was gone.

I'm okay; regrettably, if you've known me since I've been around for a bit, I'm no stranger to losing friends, and especially regarding cancer. It's a shitty fucking thing that tends to plague those I care about, and I hope to at least live on to see at least some regression of diseases in the world. It's all I can hope for.

It's just... a weird feeling now. He and I were not as close these last few years, due to my moving and just some general friend group shuffling and collapsing. I regret not talking to him more, but I kept up on him and his wife (another friend), and in this day and age, that's pretty good for me.

But he was also the first friend I made as an adult. Not from school, not a friend of a friend, not a coworker, not someone I knew from online. I met him at a con, alone. I was lost looking for a friend, and he was dressed to the fandom I was in at the time (DA). I loved his cosplay, so I stopped him for a picture, and we talked for a few minutes before I mentioned my friend was also cosplaying DA, and they weren't answering my texts. He ended up already knowing them, and, being lost at my first con, I asked him if he could text me if he ran into them, and quickly shoved my contact into his phone. As far as I know, I was still "[Robin], Lost" in it, because that's what I entered, and he always told me he never changed it.

He was an older brother to me, after that. Genuinely one of the kindest people I'd ever met, and he introduced me to a lot of people I later called friends. He had no issue taking detours to pick me up at my house or from the train station, and in fact, was the first to offer every time. I went to the con with him where he met his wife. A few months later, he brought her to a cosplay gathering for the first time, and as he was driving me home after an event he thanked me for making her feel welcome. We had a long chat about his life and his relationships, and how much he really cared for his then-girlfriend. They were inseparable after that. I think I can count one time when I hung out with either of them alone post that car ride. Really just a wonderful pair, and I couldn't imagine it being any other way.

He was always the first person to hug me goodbye when our friend group all hung out. I wish I could remember what he said to me one time that got me teary-eyed, but I'm sure he'd just make fun of me for having a shitty memory, and then realize he couldn't remember it either, and I'd roast him right back.

Death is weird. I'm not... sad about it anymore. Not with all of the death that's touched my life. It's all a bit melancholy now, and in the end, I really just think about how fortunate I am to have years or months or days or hours or minutes behind me. I wish I had more with him, and I wish things had been different, but ultimately I'm happy I had him in my life, and that I can keep carrying him on. He'd hate it if we were all just a mess anyway, so I guess I'll hold down that fort on his behalf, lol.

Here's my favourite pictures of him I've taken, where for whatever reason, both of us were just being toddlers in the middle of an Islands. I don't remember the context outside of that.

Rest easy. Don't haunt me.

#personal #tw: death

[conniesrockstargf]

Y'know...this morning i was reading a fanfic and it made me stop and think about my career choice. For context, it was a jjk fanfic about Gojo coming back as a cursed spirit to watch over the kids (was sobbing at 8 inna morning). And it made me realize why I'm so attached to the adults of JJK, mainly Nanami and Gojo.

They advocate for the children. That is shown throughout the whole show and manga. It made me think of how i chose my career choice out of suffering lmfao. By that i mean, i almost killed myself at 16 then decided it wasn't that serious and then went "damn there's prolly other kids in the world who feel like this, imma be the one to help". Enter me wanting to become a child/teen therapist.

Nowadays there's so much pressure on the youth to grow up and mature and the elders are so contradictory about it because they complain about the kids being "too grown and not acting their age" but force ridiculous expectations and roles upon them. They get mad when the youth bends under said forces and become the products of the environments forced onto them and they get mad when the youth decides better and can see what's wrong with the elders vision.

I'm 19 years old, an older sister of 8 younger pups and 1 older brother. The urge to care for people has been deeply ingrained in me from the time i breathed out my first scream. I've been through shit that I've had to get through on my own. Whether it's against societal norms, familial norms, racial norms or whatever other bullshit has been created to simplify our existence, I've been fighting since i can remember and i will continue to fight until I can't anymore. I want to leave behind a legacy of fighters and dreamers and believers. Whether they're my own flesh and blood or those I've adopted (figuratively and literally) as my own, I don't want the youth to suffer anymore, they go through enough. Why do we insist on making them fight? They're babies for the sake of the universe, they don't NEED to fight anything. They just need to play, and ask their silly questions, and eat all the junk food they can stuff in their lil mouths and enjoy their time because it just passes so quick and before you know it... they're in college and driving and working big time jobs.

Gosh it's so scary out here. I just wanna make this world a safer and easier place for the youth, afterall they are our future. And if I can't make this place better, I'd like to be the one to show them how or how to get to the places that are safer.

Being young is a curse in itself. You're very vulnerable from the time you leave the womb, and you are constantly vulnerable from that moment on. People take advantage of that vulnerability. You're small and naive and new to everything. There are people who will help you along the path, leaving rocks for you to follow along to help you further out into an easier circle, and then there are those who will purposely lead you astray to hurt you.

We truly live in a time, where the youth should be the main priority. They have so much potential, so much power in their little hands!!

Please, protect the youth!

#archive of the eccentric ⚰️ #hobiesrockstargf #conniesrockstargf #Donnie's archive: a stop on the train of thought 💭🚂 #i really needed to get that out #I'm sure most of it doesn't make sense and correctly lead into each other but idc #please protect the youth

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi! I have a question regarding the instinctual variants. I recently read John Luckovich’s book and I found it to be very interesting. I do however have one question. Quite early on in his book he mentions how each instinct essentially covers three needs. The self-preservation instinct therefore includes the needs of physical well-being, sustainable self-regulation and resources and foundation. The sexual instinct includes sex, chemistry and loss of self. The social instinct includes relatedness, belonging and context/vocation.

Now according to Luckovich being dominant in one instinct means attending to/being aware of all three needs, a secondary instinct means being aware of two needs of that instinct and being blind means only being aware of one need of that instinct. So technically one is not entirely blind to their blind spot because one is still aware to one need of that instinct? Personally I think that makes sense mainly because it’s really hard for me to believe to be entirely unaware of one entire instinct but I am still learning so I am curious to know what you think? In your answers regarding instincts and blind spots it always seemed to me that being blind in one instinct means having ZERO awareness of that instinct but in Luckovich book it seems more like being blind means minimal awareness as opposed to none at all? Therefore a sp-blind could technically attend/be aware of their physical well-being but not aware of their other sp- needs (sustainable self-regulation and resources and foundation) or a soc-blind being aware of their need for relatedness but not of their need for other social needs (belonging and context/vocation)...

What do you think about that and what do you think about categorizing the instincts that way (that each instinct covers three needs related to that instinct)?

Dp you believe we are really entirely blind to one instinct or do we really have a minimal awareness to our blind spot?

It's been a long time since I read his book in its entirety, so I don't recall him dividing each stacking into three areas of interest, but I'd say that's a valid theory. For example, sx-blinds ignoring their need for chemistry and loss of self in favor of attracting a partner. I see that a lot with most people who are sx-blind.

I think "blindness" is maybe the wrong way to classify it, because most people are aware of the needs of that instinct (or think it may be important or long for it), but they choose to prioritize their higher instincts instead. Those things are easier for them and seem more important to their life. So an sx-blind may want chemistry or even feel it for someone, but not pursue it at the cost of sp and soc, due to being aware of what it would "destroy" (loss of reputation or loss of income, as two examples). I also sometimes think we shouldn't leave the third instinct off (sp/so/sx instead of sp/so), since it's not invalid in a type so much as it's ignored.

One Enneagram teacher, I now cannot remember which, theorized that we move between all three instincts as needed, when focused on that area of our life -- which seems entirely possible. When looking for and dealing with a partner, we use sx to hook/attract, then soc to build a relationship with them outside of chemistry/heat, then nest together using sp. Being on your own requires you develop sp, and interacting with the outside world casually requires soc. So it may be possible that at different parts of our life, we use one instinct more than the rest of the time.

I recall being very neurotic about "social" concerns as a teenager; I was obsessed with being close to people, maintaining friendships, creating a platform, connecting to people, being influential. But now most of my thoughts revolve around "adulting" and boring stuff like money, food, and making my house a nice place to live that suits my tastes. *shrug* Who knows?

#question #instincts

[loveyourlovelysoul]

so as I was mentioning in a previous post about staying in touch with other people, even those that may not be important... there's this "friend"/neighbor which I haven't been talking to for so long. I could say we lost each other slowly cause of life, and even if she moved back in my neighborhood not long ago, we didn't really got closer again. like, at all. I think we just grew apart, and that's okay: at first it hurt ofc but now I totally accept it.

let me explain.

as I started healing recently, I understood it wasn't just her not considering me that much, but also me having said lot of no's to her (more or less openly), for my own fears (parents' overreaction mostly: I wasn't that aware of this habit of mine back then, so I couldn't speak about it and so she didn't know -but probably got something anyway since she often said how tough to deal with they seemed to be). all this ofc made our bond to just become looser and looser as we moved to uni and she moved to other cities and countries, until it basically became inexistent.

despite having shared the same classes and/or school for most of our lives, we also had different backgrounds/upbringings, different friends (despite some common ones), different habits, different characters (she's always been way more extroverted than me while I used to shy away, even if I often followed her doing weird/funny stuff for others), different lives and goals, different personal problems too... even different views on things especially these days (again, it's fine! we met different people and had different experience since when we used to play and talk together as kids and teens, that too formed us into different human beings). I think we were just different and many times she had been pretending... but ofc, I have no objective proof about this: it could be just my (wounded ego) impression nowadays.

anyway. a couple of months ago she gave birth. ofc she didn't tell me (not even when she got married a couple of years ago to a guy I know as well). I found out by chance after our mothers met, despite having been talking a bit with her hubby in the previous months (he didn't tell me anything about the pregnancy as if it was top-secret). I could have decided this was the last time that she/they closed me off, and honestly at first I felt this way while I was saying "Idc, her/their decision". but talking with an external friend I realized: maybe I could just give her a present for her baby and not make all this and our past matter too much. just see how it goes. we're adults and neighbors now, and that's how I can look at us these days. we can turn the page.

so, even if I felt a bit uncomfortable and part of me didn't feel like (especially for the fact that I wanted to feel as our friendship was definitely closed, and I needed to close with the past abruptly), I texted her asking how she was doing and if she had 5 mins for me to go see her and bring her a little thing for her baby. she replied inviting me for a walk. we went out, both pretending everything was fine and nothing ever happened. we kinda had fun talking about the baby, his quirks, about a neighborhood's problem (as adults do) and remembering a few events of our childhood. I felt more grounded than I thought (despite I couldn't always recall all the words I wanted to say, but I haven't been speaking 1:1 irl for a real lot of time now, except for a few words here and there in specific contexts); she was kinda calm too but I think the pregnancy also made her. she has changed especially in her voice, and it felt weird to see her holding a baby and feeding him. she also asked me to help her with the baby carriage when she had to hold him which ofc I did. and then we went back home after an hour or so, I gave her the gift and we both told each other we could have met for a walk another day (I am kinda sure this won't happen -unless it will be me asking? Idk-, it's just one of those sentences you say out of courtesy, but it felt coherent with how that hour went) and that we'll keep in touch anyway about the neighborhood's problem (more likely?): at the end of the day, I asked about her but she didn't ask anything about me and my life/family anyway, not even when we ended up staying silent for a while (it wasn't uncomfortable for me btw, can't say for her).

once I arrived home I was literally freezing cause the sun was gone and it got pretty cold; I had the feeling she kinda wanted to suddenly run away at that time and find another place to go (maybe, Idk), but I was feeling good. I had a nice interaction, out of all the past context we had been through. it helped me start to get back "out there" again, in a kind of "known" environment (in the end, we still have known each other since ages), to be hugged and hug again (even if it wasn't too felt probably, but it works as practice too heh). and also it reminded me that not everyone has to stay in our life forever and we're not supposed to be in everyone's life forever; and that feelings and bonds can change and evolve in something different as well, if we let them too. they can turn calmer, less profound, and more patient and respectful of each one's new life and boundaries. ofc it's not for everyone, for every relationship: there has to be a *silent* agreement between the parts, at least. not saying I agree with why I wasn't told about the baby or other good news or why I wasn't asked about me out of courtesy even on these terms, but... it was her/their decision and I respect and accept it now. as I will respect their spaces and boundaries from now on without really caring. at all and for real, this time. I know where I stand (and where she stands for me), and that's okay: not because I submissively accept it as her/their decision, but because I understand and agree there's no other way.

this meeting really helped me to see things under a new perspective and actually gave closure, in a way, to my past hurt feelings. differently from how building a wall or cutting cords has ever. now I'll just let things be and really not care much, and treat each other politely as random acquaintances/neighbors. but I can say I really feel much more eager to meet new people, to get out there and test myself after all those years of isolation I put myself in while healing (which made me so rusty and didn't help much, even if I kept talking online at least and learning about boundaries here... but that's not the same). I know now I can bear with that stress, no matter how it'll turn out. I feel stronger and more in touch with myself than ever. it's true: what you make other's decisions and behaviours mean about yourself, only depends on you. I was probably *unconsciously* making it all mean that I was not good enough, not even as an acquaintance/neighbor. but even if it is so according to her/them, I decide to not make it mean anything about my present and actual worth: I have been working on myself so hard and so much that I'm far from being the *scared* girl I used to be in the past and they have no clue about it. and I don't need or want to show them anyway as there's no reason for it. I am closing with the past anyway, whether past people will acknowledge it and come with me in my future or not or in what measure/form they will/won't. it doesn't matter. it only matters what I do and think of my path until today. and what I will decide to do and think about it (and me) from today on.

#healing #relationships #friendship #my story #life #vulnerability #self growth #closure #feelings #words

[demonslayedher]

Hello senpai! I hope you're doing well! ^w^ I have a question I'd like to ask you about our local train fan Enmu.

How old do you think he is? Both as a human and as a demon, I mean.

For example, we know that Dōma was 20 when he was turned into a demon, and that the Upper Ranks have gone on without changes for about a century, so Dōma must be at least ~120 years old.

In the Kimetsu no Yaiba Wiki it's stated that Enmu is in his "mid to late twenties (physically)", but there is no source to back it up. All we know about his human life is that when he became "an adult" he would misuse hypnotic therapies and convince patients that they had recovered, even though he wasn't really a doctor. So what did "an adult" mean back in that era? Did it mean 18 or 20 years old? Back then, how many years of studying would it take people to become doctors? And finally, how long do you think he lived as a demon? I think I read somewhere that Rui has lived for around 20 years a demon (but I honestly don't remember if it's canon or not), so do you think Enmu has lived more than him?

I apologize for the lengthy post, I meant to make it shorter but then I kept adding things >.< I hope I'm not bothering you or doing anything wrong! Please have a nice day and may the creativity be with you!

Hello, hello! If we discuss the demon age question first, we know it has been 113 years since the Upper Moons were gathered (but we don't know how long they all had been Upper Moons before that, it seems there was some changing of ranks before they all settled into those roles), meaning that if you include their human ages, all the Upper Moons must be at least 130+ or so. Based on flashback context and a few clues of the order in which they became demons, we know for certain that least Douma, Akaza, Hantengu, and Gyutaro & Daki became demons in the Edo era (1603-1867). By a few fashion clues, it's just my sense that Hakuji lived in mid-Edo period or later. As for other demons we can trace to time periods in which they lived, Rui must had been a child of the Meiji Period (1868-1912), based on the attire Muzan wore when he came knocking. My knowledge of Meiji fashion trends is not detailed enough to narrow it down, though. Hairou (Lower Moon 2, whom Rengoku-san defeated in his Gaiden) was a Shinsengumi member, active between 1863 and 1869. The Hand Demon, who consumed about fifty Breath-y children since getting stuck on Mt. Fujikasane, encountered Urokodaki when he was still presumably a young demon back in the Keio Period (part of the Edo era), which was only 1865 to 1868. Hairou and the Hand Demon become demons around the same time, but while the Hand Demon was stuck and developed with what food he had to work with, Hairou was out eating brains and blasting his own out fast enough to reach the upper levels of the Lower Moons. Enmu has a more cautious personality type; he's patient and plays the long term game. This makes me feel he'd have been a demon much longer than Hairou, so I'm willing to assume Enmu also grew up in the Edo era.

As for his human age, most of the facts we have about him come from the booklet handed out as a freebee in the opening showings of the movie in October 2020, which I was lucky enough to get my hands on and translated the Taisho Secrets from it here (the content of which you've referenced in your Ask). On the character profile pages of that booklet we get the heights, birthdates, and ages for each of the main cast (except Akaza who was distinctly excluded from promo material until the movie had been released for a few weeks), and for Enmu, each of these items is defined as "unknown." We don't even have an official canon height for him, but I guess we could look up the sizes of historical trains?

I can't imagine him being much older than Muzan and Douma, so even mid-20's feels far-fetched to me. Most of the cast skews young anyway so as to appeal to the target Shonen Jump audience. If we assume he was an Edo child, let's look at the Edo period for context.

An Edo boy was considered an adult at his Genpuku ceremony, especially noted for this being when a boy would shave the forelocks of his hair style. This ceremony would typically take place around age 15 according to the Kazoedoshi age keeping system, though in the Mannenrei system we're used to now, it'd be closer to age 14. As for becoming a doctor, it become more widely standardized in the Meiji Period and in the Edo era there were qualifications that doctors who served the samurai class needed to meet, but among the commoners, anyone could declare "I'm a doctor" and that was that.

Now, if you declared yourself a doctor and your services sucked, naturally you'd wouldn't get any customers or acclaim, so at least according to this blog post, most people would apprentice for 10~20 years before claiming that title on their own. As doctors were afforded special privileges in society (like being able to ride in palanquins, even through the gates of Yoshiwara where even high-ranking samurai had to get out and walk!), this was a reason many common folk might aim for that, but their success was ultimately up to their skill. Or at least, how convincing they were about their skills.

#enmu #kny fandom theories and meta #kny nerdery #kny references #kny reference

[thatonefatgumsimp]

so...I may or may not have gotten bored and made a whole incorrect quote tiktok feud between my au young millenial Enji and young gen z Hizashi...

Context: the responses are them stitching back and forth and replying to each other's tiktoks

Enji: "Anyone else hate how gen z is always going around claiming things as their own like the spoiled little brats they are? Oh we invented the cha cha slide, we invented twerking, we invented the cotton eyed joe- bitch no you didn't? We created all those things, those are ours."

Hizashi: "Anyone else hate how millennials are going around trying to steal a platform that isn't theirs cuz their mommy and daddy never gave them attention?"

Enji: "See you say that, but then all of you wear those stupid-ass sunglasses, mom jeans that make you look like a middle aged mother, and a middle part that emphasizes just how little you wash your hair."

Hizashi: "Says the one who went around wearing low rise skinny jeans, thongs, and those wack-ass side parts. Like bestie, get with the vibe. That's so last decade. Also do you not see how fluffy my hair is? I literally washed it yesterday. The audacity."

Enji: "Wig. No one cares. And at least I don't blame shit personality traits on my zodiac sign."

Hizashi: "Well at least I don't blame shit personality traits on my Hogwarts house and think drinking everyday is a personality trait. Literally go to double A, boomer. Low-key."

Enji: "At least we don't romanticize revolution, burning down the government, dying in protests, killing cops, and only shave once in a century, you literal fetus."

Hizashi: "I'm sorry, I don't remember last century…tell us, grandpa, what was the first world war like? Do you still have memorabilia from then like the original black and white gameboy and first edition Pokémon red?"

Enji: "See you think you're all that and a bag of chips, but you're not. Please finish puberty before you try to sit at the adult's table, kiddo."

Hizashi: "Literally what are you even saying? Speaking gibberish animal crossing lookin ass. "wig", "all that and a bag of chips" like what does that even mean, you fuckin dinosaur?"

Enji: "Your generation acts like you know nihilism, but you've literally only lived a decade and a half. Think before you continue speaking."

Hizashi: "Sorry, you're right. I'll just shut up until I've lived a century like you. Like damn you just like complaining, huh, Karen? I suggest you take several seats. And fix your hair while you're at it."

Enji: "Well you and your entire generation can suck it. You can't tell me what to wear or how to act. I've been rocking this side part since you had Kermit on your underwear."

Hizashi: sitting in a chair in his room with his real glasses on, midway down the bridge of his nose and a pen and notepad in hand "Mmhm…and does that make you feel better and more mature that you're going online emotionally dropkicking children? Does it give BDE? Cuz I'm gonna be honest, it's giving compensation for me…would you like to talk about it?"

Enji: "Ironic that you're acting like a therapist for me when your generation is literally the most depressed generation. mockingly Would you like a cookie?"

Hizashi: "Mmmmh no thanks, my parents taught me to never take candy from strangers…they also taught me how to have basic manners unlike you apparently."

Enji: "Well at least my generation isn't the bunch of dumbasses that's trying to cancel Eminem. That's cute that you even think you can do that. He was around before any of you were even born. What? Are you just mad that he was an actual lyricist unlike your modern mumble-rappers? In fact, I think you're the one that needs to take a chill pill. He was spitting bars before you could even talk."

Hizashi: "Mmh mmh, see- that's not even what we were talking about, don't go off topic Mr. "my generation has no idea how to use emojis correctly"."

Enji: "I can't even with you, child. You're testing my patience. We invented and used emojis first. Try again, Little Tyke. And honestly? Kindly stfu. No one asked you for your opinion anyways."

Hizashi: "Woahhhh calm down, Jamal, don't pull out the 9. And patience? Honey, what patience. It's giving chronically online. Go touch grass."

Enji: "At least I'm not an idiot who calls yoga pants flared leggings."

Hizashi: "Well at least we don't pay an ungodly amount for overpriced avocado toast or call our pets fur babies, idiot. Mic. Dropped. Get dunked on, boomer."

#shitposting #random shitpost #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #incorrect bnha quotes #incorrect mha quotes #mha shitpost #bnha shitpost #mha incorrect quotes #bnha incorrect quotes #incorrect quotes #idk man i got bored-

[curiousemwanders]

FIC REC: Twist Of Fate

Twist of Fate by Oakstone730

Okay I have a lot to say about this fic and I’m going to try and say it in a way that makes sense. (AKA this is a long post!)

I often pick long fics to read at work between appointments with clients, and I read this over the last three days at work and after work because I literally couldn’t put it down. I finished last night and spent a good amount of the night still thinking about it. I’m going to start with the only negative thing I have to say about this fic, which isn’t really even a negative, but it’s that maybe it should be rated Mature, not Teen. There are a few scenes that were just a tad too steamy for me to be reading between appointments with clients. In any other context, I would not call that a downside. 

We choose fics to read for all sorts of reasons; we want to see our favorite characters in different scenarios, we wish they hadn’t died, we feel the author has wronged them, or misunderstood them, we want plot holes to be fixed, we don’t like the jobs chosen for them in that god awful epilogue. In more recent years, I think that many of us who read Harry Potter fan fiction have strayed further from the original source material for some of these reasons. It’s so much easier to read a fic that re-writes their adult lives, that established the characters and their identities in ways that place them in direct opposition to the hateful politics and ideas that J.K. Rowling has begun to espouse. And I think this is right, I think it’s good that fic authors are doing this. However it often leads me to avoid, or ignore works that play more directly in the world that Rowling created. I don’t mean the wizarding world, I mean the canon. It often feels that the works that play in the canon, that build upon them, are however subtly accepting Rowling's ideas, her hatred. I know this to be faulty logic, projection of my fears onto the fic. But I would be lying if I didn’t say it’s stopped me from reading some, many, works. Including the great many works created before we knew just how despicable Rowling really is. 

I preface with that information to say that I don’t often read stories that build in the canon rather than rewrite it or use it as a backdrop that the characters are recovering, evolving from. This fic of course does play in the cannon, it expands it, and at points does use it as a backdrop for character recovery. What I find so interesting about the way Oakstone730 writes this story, is the way they’ve interwoven their plot, their ideas, their character growth, with the canon, with what we already know of the story. And I do mean that they wove the story through the already existing canon. 

I suppose this is the point that a succinct summary of the fic would be useful (I’ll try to keep it as spoiler free as possible, but read at your own risk). In Twist of Fate Oakstone730 begins with a prologue set during the trials after the war Harry learns that he not only lost significant memories, but that he also isn’t a virgin, or as straight, as he currently thinks himself to be. What’s more, that he likely had been having sex with his boyhood nemesis Draco Malfoy, who is currently on trial for war crimes. The story then begins in earnest with the Quidditch world cup where Harry and Cedric talk a bit about sexuality (important to note that Cedric is also gay in this fic). At Hogwarts, after hearing that Harry can resist the Imperius curse, Draco seeks him out, offering to help him in potions if he can help Draco learn how to also throw an Imperius. Harry gets Cedric involved in order to help them, and to protect himself. And slowly, over the course of several chapters, we see them begin to build a friendship, and eventually fall in love. We don’t get any hint of why Draco would erase Harry’s memories of him, at least not until Harry begins Occlumency training with Snape. It then becomes clear, for those of us who remember the books, that Voldemort could use Harry’s memories of Draco against him. This fact isn’t made fully clear to either of them until the summer before 6th year when things become untenable for Draco. 

What I love so much about the writing and storytelling in Twist of Fate is that it takes canon and says ‘yeah, that’s what Harry remembered, let me show you what really happened.’ There were so many parts where I would sit wondering ‘is this where we’re going to break from canon?’ AND ‘how are you going to explain this part of the story?’ Each time the answer was, no, Oakstone730 never broke from canon, and each time I was amazed by how they were able to weave what happened in their story through the canon in ways that not only made sense plot-wise, but made thematic sense to the original canon and to this new version. One of the best examples of this in my reading was how the second task was handled during the Triwizard Tournament. Go back and read it, it’s masterful. 

Along with this reading, we get a much more complex story of our characters, we see Cedric as someone who wasn’t happy-go-lucky perfect, but as someone with texture, with a boyfriend he didn’t get to see often, dreams of being a mindhealer, skills he certainly used with Harry and Draco. We see Draco not only as an ex-Deatheater in a story of redemption (as in many excellent Drarry fics), but as someone who is actively unlearning the cultish and unequal upbringing he was raised in. I find that struggle is often hard to write, and subsequently to find. Further we see him engage in the actions many of us wish he could have taken in the canon, acting as a spy, helping the Order from the inside. And most notably, he does this without even the thought that we would survive. Draco too is a woven character, playing the nemesis when needed, but showing to us, the readers, his true colors. 

Harry’s character in this is another amazing example of both adding delicious complexity and the masterful weaving I discussed above. When we read the canon, we often see Harry as this boy who has experienced so much complex trauma, who can be so observant, but also so obtuse and unable to express himself. This fic takes that and shows us another way to interpret it. Instead of a boy who wasn’t able to express himself, we see him with Cedric and Draco actually processing his trauma, building resilience, and most importantly, being happy. And we see that when those memories are erased from him, his skills for managing stress, for understanding himself and others becomes blunted again. We see him unable to control his magic, unable to let his friends in, to tell others about himself, to the extent that he runs away and goes into hiding. 

All together this fic was amazing to read, and I truly appreciate the ways it built upon the characters and the story. I love it not only for the simple joy of reading it (oh god I didn’t even mention the delicious angst!), but because I can see the depth of skill it took to write this story, and I can't help but be mesmerized by it. 

#Long post #fic rec #drarry