#anyways i hope this makes a difference im tired of feeling tired and shitty | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ifimdreaming · 1 year

Text

Can we go now?

Luke Hughes x Reader || angst, some fluff

summary: Luke brings you to a dinner party filled with misogynistic men and bad booze, and feels really bad about.

author’s note: this is very rushed but i hope you enjoy it anyway! love you

word count: 1.0k

“how much longer lukey?..” you grab onto his arm and lean into him, quietly asking into his ear. “I know… i'm sorry, it’s only been a couple hours babe..but we can leave if you really need” He replies kindly, knowing how much you both hate dinner parties like this.

It wasn’t often that your boyfriend invited you to these events so you just nod in response, knowing he needs to be here for work and, also, not wanting to be the one to make him leave early.

Normally it isn’t too terrible, and there are moments for you two to sneak away from crowds and quietly sit together at a table and just enjoy the night. But tonight was different, it was non stop talking and mingling, Luke trying to be as professional as possible around borderline rude men making bad jokes and slightly misogynistic comments, not caring that you are standing right there.

And for the most part you were doing your best fake smiles and laughs, but the comments just kept getting worse and worse as the conversations progressed.

After having dinner and moving outside for watered down cocktails, you go to refill your drink, needing an escape, and leaving Luke with a group of mostly strangers for a moment. Looking over at him from the bar, you can just tell from his face that he is getting tired and probably more and more irritable as the time passes.

A moment later you feel a small brush against your back as you’re sitting at the bar and a hand rests against your thigh. “Ok i’ll have a drink and then we’re out of here” Luke sighs out as he takes a seat beside you. He rests his head in his hand, closing his eyes for a moment and you reach up to comb your fingers through the hair on the back of his head.

“Ok…just please promise me you won’t get sucked into another endless conversation about the playoffs again?”

“trust me, i wanted out of that conversation just as much as you did” he retorts back defeatedly. You both knew your moods were worsening when you started to get nippy and sarcastic with each other.

You sit in silence for a moment while Luke is finishing his drink and you start to swirl the ice in your empty glass, needing to finish your drink even if it was the worst cocktail you’ve ever had in your life.

“Im really sorry i dragged you here, i just hate coming to these things…thought it would be at least a little more bearable with you around…” he looks down, “i didn't know it would be this…shitty” he begins to rub his thumb over your thigh slowly and you can tell by his tone that he truly feels bad about tonight and how everyone was treating you, knowing there are so many other things you two would rather be doing on a friday night.

“luke im just thankful we get to spend time together tonight” you start, “i'm glad you asked me to come with you” you say reassuringly.

You look up at him with a small smile and place a gentle kiss on his lips, he leans in and brings a hand up to your face, cupping your jaw. You pull away and press a few soft kisses on his cheek, making him crack his first smile all night.

Just as Luke finishes his drink, you see two men walking towards the both of you sitting at the bar and you nudge Luke’s arm to warn him, not wanting to get trapped in conversation again.

Luke quickly swivels on his seat and goes to stand up, grabbing your arm to help you down from your stool. He places some cash on the bar beside your empty glasses and you start towards the door, opposite the people walking your way.

“Luke Hughes! If it isn’t the newest new jersey devil!” a man in a dark grey suit and receding hairline creeps up behind Luke, “How bout’ we have a drink outside!” he says almost demandingly.

“Sorry we’re actually heading out-” you try to interrupt, getting tired of staying quiet all night. “Oh it will just be a minute” the man insists as he steps forward placing a hand on Luke’s back to nudge him towards the patio outside where more people were. This causes your hand to disconnect from Luke’s as the man begins speaking to Luke, completely ignoring you.

“Actually she said we’re leaving” Luke defends, grabbing your hand and moving past the man.

“Nice meeting you” he says sarcastically as we start to walk away and you swear you hear the man cursing under his breath at you as Luke pulls you by the hand, angrily marching towards the exit.

“yeah this fucking sucked. no one’s treating you like that ever again.” he says as you make your way to the parking garage. “hey ..lukey…” you say and he turns around to face you as you’re both standing by the passenger side of his car “i'm so sorry about them” he says and crashes his lips on yours, his hands on both sides of your hips as he walks backwards, your back leaning on the side of his car as he makes out with you.

You reach your hand up and run it along his chest and he leans down to place kisses across your neck. He places his hands on either side of your face and looks at you, “promise ill m-make it up to you..” he says remorsefully, hoping this night hasn’t upset you too much.

“-Baby! Its ok! Its not your fault” you reassure through giggles and his eyebrows relax after seeing that your mood has lifted.

“Honestly i’m just glad we’re finally leaving” his hands are still on your face and you grab his wrists, bringing them down, “Can we go now?” you say smiling at your sweet boyfriend as he looks back at you with loving eyes.

“Of course”

#luke hughes #luke hughes fluff #luke hughes reclist #luke hughes imagine #luke hughes angst #nhl #hockey imagine #hockey boys #hockey blurb #hockey x reader #new jersey devils #nj devils imagine #nj devils #ifimdreamingwrites

464 notes · View notes

kumezyzo · 8 months

Note

Omg so i had a request hear me out it’s a bit different but i was thinking

Being fwb with sapnap but you start to act like a couple and catch feelings so quickly for each other 👀

a little bit of angst and more so nsfw themes. also now realizing this is kinda fboy sap at first. fem!reader

anyway, enjoy! or dont :) m.list

nick didnt like the idea of being in a committed relationship. but he couldnt get enough of you. he would text you when he missed you. well... more so his dick missed you.

"fuck," he said lowly as he watched you take off your shirt. he sat on his bed, raking his eyes over you. "come here."

you feel your stomach flutter at the way he looked at you with bedroom eyes. his eyes were almost sleepy but you both knew he wasnt in any way tired.

slowly, you made your way over to where he was sitting with his legs spread. you stood between his legs as his hands ran up and down your sides, looking up at you lustfully.

he slowly unbuttoned your jeans, sliding the zipper down carefully. you watched him slip his fingers into the belt loops and tug them down as he leaned forward to kiss the skin right above your underwear.

you sighed and placed your hand beneath his chin, pulling him away, as his hands still worked your jeans down painfully slow.

"do you ever take this off?" you ask as you pull his hat off his head. he licks his lips up at you as you run a hand through his messy hair.

"only if you want me to, baby," you roll your eyes at the nickname. just then, you shove him harshly to make him lay back on the bed before you step out of your jeans. you slowly move to stradle him on the bed.

"take this off too," you say hovering over him as you tug on his hoodie. "youre wearing too much for someone whos about to have sex."

nick starts enjoying your company too much for his liking. he sees you post on your stories about a shitty professor or repost something about being single. and he has to fight back the urge to ask you about if your day had gone any better or if he had to come over and fuck you for you to stop feeling lonely.

"youre not staying tonight?" he asks, regretting it immediately when you turn to look at him strangely as you look around for your shirt on the floor.

"no?" you sigh and give up on your shirt, looking for your pants instead. "what? do you wanna cuddle?"

"i was kinda hoping for morning sex," he said as he sat up in the bed, resting against the headboard as he watching you search his room for your clothes.

you stood up and crossed your arms with your pants in one hand. you pursed your lips at the sight of him shirtless with a top sheet over his lower half, leaving nothing to imagination. you thought for a second, shaking your head and licking your lips as you let go of your jeans and slowly walked over to the bed.

nick smirked, "you just cant resist me, can you?"

"shut the fuck up," you said as you leaned over him to check the floor on the other side of the bed to find your shirt in a sad pile. you grabbed it and unclasped your bra, taking it off, before throwing your shirt over yourself. "im just using you for your body."

nick laughed at the idea before pulling you into him, "whatever you say, peaches."

the more you two met up at night, the more the other one stayed the night, the more you two would wake up with eachother. this lead to either one of you rushing out or staying and doing your morning routines together.

it started out awkwardly, asking for a spare toothbrush, to shower, or for clothing (mostly on your part). then it became a habit to have things for eachother and falling into a weird morning routines. a lot of it starting with morning shower sex.

you moan loudly and grip onto nicks hair harshly as he sucks on your clit. he groans against you, stimulating every part of your pussy with the vibration of his voice.

recently, every morning, you expect a normal shower whether nick is there to begin with or not. but you seem to not learn your lesson when everytime, you end up writhing in pleasure because of him.

he pulls away and looks up at you for a moment, "whenever your ready," he says before going back in, licking you clit slowly.

"shut the-" you gasp at the way he barely grazed his teeth on the nub. he chuckles smugly and grips your thighs tighter, pulling them apart. "fuck-"

a loud moan rips through you as you reach the high nick had been working for you to reach.

he starts licking slower, licking up the cum that slowly seeped out of you. he sighed contentedly, slurping lewdly as you moaned, trying to push his head away when it started to get to be too much.

he pulled away, looking up at you drowsily as the water beaded down on both of you, "did you still wanna get breakfast? im not too hungry anymore."

staying over at eachothers places became a normal occurrence. somedays, it would be that you two didnt hookup, you would simply stay in bed and cuddle.

"do you think some actors like filming sex scenes?" nick asked you with his head on your chest as a movie played on your tv. displayed on the screen was a sex scene. fitting.

"maybe," you respond without looking away from the screen. "maybe just the gross pervy ones."

"i would like sex scenes if they were with you."

"dumbass."

then, he started asking you to hangout with him and his friends. it made you feel special when he would ask you to a dinner. and people slowly started assuming you two were dating.

"nick, im starting to like your girlfriend more than you," clay would say, a smile on his face from laughing seconds before.

your smile falters momentarily, glancing at nick nervously. he makes eye contact with you.

"i think i am too."

and it just makes sense. for you to be his girlfriend and for him to be your boyfriend. simple as that.

i dont like the ending. but whatever. -nony

#sapnap #sapnap x reader #sapnap x you #sapnap fluff #sapnap x y/n #dteam #anon #asks #smut #sapnap smut #dream team fluff #dream team #fluff #fwb

309 notes · View notes

traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 11 months

Note

hi, i wanted to get any kind of input or opinion because i think theres something really wrong with me. ive always been obsessed with labels and terms to identify myself, always switching them around and finding a new one regularly to base myself off of. right now at least i have no actual sense of identity and its very possible i could just be reaching because i tend to do that a lot but i dont remember a time where i genuinely had a hold on who i was, aside from when i had a really unhealthy obsession with one singular person for about 2 years. my entire life and mental state revolved around them during that time and to be honest, even though we arent on speaking terms anymore, still seeing them on socials messes me up pretty often.

anyway, the main issue is that i dont really know who i am or who i even want to be. i cant even really keep a name/nickname to go buy for longer than a few months only because i know it inconveniences the people around me (however few there are now). and thats another thing! im really iffy about making connections with people now because a lot about it makes me uncomfortable, like the responsibility and having to deal with another person all the time. i know that sounds really shitty, but i feel like i spent all my love ill ever have on that one person for two years and now that its gone, its never coming back. im still very lonely now but the thought of trying to fix that is really uncomfortable to me. its not that im incapable of making friends, its that after a while ill kind of get tired of them? something about consistency makes me restless and i know its shitty because im a really up and down kind of friend, like recently ive only been talking to people when i feel like it, which is one big reason i dont want to make friends and put people through that.

back to the labels and identity thing. its always kind of been there, but recently the urge to cling to some sort of label or answer for my behavior and thoughts and feelings has been so strong that i almost wish i was genuinely delusional or something. or just that something was seriously wrong with me, just so that i have something new and big to cling to. i know thats bad and unhealthy but i dont know how else to function. ive been thinking recently that i have a lot of narcissistic traits, or at least self centered tendencies. i always operate like im the main character. i always do things with the thought in mind that there will be no negative outcomes for me, and if there so happens to be one, then ill somehow weasel my way out of it. i think that everything will always go well for me, which is weird because it very much has not in the past. a lot of bad things have happened to me, but in a weird fucked up kind of way im glad they did. because now i have some sort of trauma to cling to and roll into my identity. but the flaw in that is that i need a new one every so often. i cycle through different traumas and disorders and sexualities and genders and names and everything that i really, genuinely dont know who i am. and thats why i think somethings wrong with me. because what normal person thinks and operates like this? i dont know if i fully described the reality of my situation, or if im just saying that because i want it to seem worse, but thats about it. sorry for the long ask. i hope you can get around to answering

Hi anon,

I think to some degree its okay to like labels, as they can provide us a sense of structure and being able to name things can give a lot of people comfort. It's also okay to change your identity, as identities are fluid and naturally change over time. You're allowed to change your identity as many times as you want because it's literally yours to dictate, you know?

However, there are many different possibilities as to why you may be experiencing this frequent shift in identity. While I can help explain what these possibilites might be, it is crucial to consult with a mental health professional for an accurate assessment and diagnosis.

One of the possibilities is that you could have some narcissistic tendencies, as from my understanding of NPD, it's about basically trying to regain control of feeling worthless or helpless by constructing a reality of grandiosity that can be incredibly fragile (please correct me if I'm wrong).

Also in the realm of personality disorders, the idea of having "identity disturbance" and "unhealthy obsessions" with someone is characteristic of BPD. Identity disturbance, also sometimes called identity diffusion, is described as an "incoherence, or inconsistency in a person's sense of identity. This could mean that a person's goals, beliefs, and actions are constantly changing. It could also be that the person takes on personality traits of people around them, as they struggle to have and maintain their own identity." Of course, you can experience identity disturbance without BPD, but it's still a common experience among pwBPD.

Another possibility is tired to when you said "i cycle through different traumas and disorders and sexualities and genders and names and everything that i really, genuinely don't know who i am" as it reminded me of how a system might experience their identity, especially if they don't realize they're a system. This is not me saying you're definitely a system, but the possibility of plurality could be something to explore further as well.

Ultimately, this could be something to explore further with the guidance and mediation of a mental health professional such as a therapist, who can work with you to identify more concretely why you may be experiencing these things. They can also help you navigate these feelings and provide guidance tailored to your specific needs.

It's important to practice self-care and be gentle with yourself as you navigate your identity. Please know that it's okay to take your time and embrace the journey of self-discovery. If anyone has any additional insights or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks

8 notes · View notes

transboykirito · 1 year

Note

for real!! And the way they’re separated from the rest of the gaming community in vrmmos and the jackass was saying shit about how “thEy AcT lIkE thEyRe sO mUcH bEtTeR becAusE thEyRe sao sUrViVoRs”

LIKE. NO. THEY ARE CALLED SAO

SURVIVORS

FOR A REASON. That was HELL. I don’t know if it’s because sao survivors tend to stay in their own groups (I feel like that’s what the gang does, stay within their own group for the most part) or not, but it was literal hell and every single second they were stuck in there was a moment they could’ve have just been. Gone. There was not a single safe moment even in safe zones considering outside forces, at least they had a limbo time period in case Wi-Fi went out or something but fuck 😭 and the fact some of the kids are on medication that makes them sick instead of helping them is just, eugh

those kids deal with so much trauma, from asuna constantly reliving her death (this makes me cry especially in ordinal scale), kirito reliving his murders and everyone else’s death, silica being isolated from her family and preyed on in aincrad, just aaaaa let my poor girls and guys rest 😭 they do NOT need to be criminalized and treated as murders or like ticking time bombs, they don’t deserve it, I understand some of it because it’s impossible to know who was a player killer but the treatment and everyone being on the governments watch list is so shitty, they’re just kids and people who wanted to get back to their family and I’m pretty sure it was a small percentage of players who were player killers anyway

ALSO content warning for silica stuff in aincrad

WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT THE WAY SHE WAS TREATED. THE PEOPLE IDOLIZING HER, ASKING TO MARRY HER, MOCKING HER. THAT IS A CHILD. “Oh gOd ShEs SeDucEd aNoTher b—“ SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP IM GONNA 👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹 Like Rosalia was cool but STOOOOOOOOOOOOOP I just blame the anime studio for fucking things up and hope it’s different in the light novels, like how in the book she went fucking BESERK when pina died but in the anime it was just waaah waaah NO I WANT FERAL SILICA

sorrry this was a rant km like super tired and I get like really rambly when I’m tired

mental health irl is such a strange thing, and in my personal experience people do treat us like we’re just ready to snap at any time. it’s especially isolating when you have a “bad” or “scary” illness like ptsd, or bpd, or the other ones i’m just not gonna name for my own personal comfort but we have spoken about with sao before. like. we aren’t monsters or loose wires we are PEOPLE. and i LOVE that sao got into that.

and you’re so right about silica. i’m sick of people pushing this narrative that she’s a whiney crybaby who can’t protect herself. she was doing well for herself on those middle to lower floors!! she could hold her own!! and she has complexities we didn’t see in the anime!! she was stubborn and had some issues she had to sort through about her pride!! where was that a-1!!

#adorabl8dthirsty #asks #don’t apologise for rambling have you seen the shit i do when i’m tired #i bully my friend i to making cursed sugou fancams

11 notes · View notes

kacchanrawr · 2 years

Text

kind of a negative rant? sorry im tired

These past few months or whatever the mha fandom's been so tiring. As we get closer to mha's ending, there's so much discourse and discussion about what ship's endgame or what the characters' endgame will be or whatever and it's so tiring to look at. I don't want to burst anyone's bubble or anything. It's nice that you're hopeful for a bkdk ending and you can analyze whatever you want and all, but god how many months has it been of those discussions popping up every single day? Do you not get tired of this? Yes dudebros being homophobic and their views are so heteronormative and shit blahblah yes it could make sense with your analysis and all that bkdk would be canon. But seriously, I swear this is just a cycle.

How much media have queer people analyzed and shit to say hey it would make complete logical sense for these two to end up together only for the writers to go "lmao no here's the poorly developed het couple take it"? Every time we go "hey maybe this time it'll be different", and like well it's good to hope, it does end up being true sometimes, but some of you trust Hori too much lmao. Maybe it's just me being a pessimist, but the way I see it, it's "don't hope for shit when he hasn't given a reason to show he'll be different" and not "he hasn't done anything to lose my trust yet so yes"

He's given me no reason to think he's being some kind of genius that's subverting expectations and ochako's writing is supposed to be a critique of how shounen love interests are written blahblah. Would that be nice? Sure. But it's "he's not great until proven otherwise" and not "he's amazing until proven otherwise"

I get the feeling of wanting all that to be true and bkdk to be canon, I would also want that. But the way I see it, it's just a possible path that could make sense, not THE path the story's gonna go with. Like just because there could be dots to be connected for bkdk to end up canon, it doesn't mean the dots are gonna be connected that way. So the thing with beefing with dudebros or antis or whatever is that while some of you are convinced that path is THE path, but they don't even see it as one cuz you're not having the same train of thought? Idk how to put it, but I just think it's kinda pointless to try to reason with them and shit.

Anyways I'm kinda just waiting for the story to end already. I've already the lost the feeling of being excited for chapters every week to see what will happen next and think about the future, I just want to see how mha will end. So this is all just rants from a pessimist who doesn't really care anymore if bkdk doesn't become canon (or if izu//ocha becomes canon in a shitty way cuz lol what did we expect). I just want a satisfying end for bkdk and my fave characters really

#i dont really wanna discuss or think anymore im just letting shit out #if ur hopeful for bkdk endgame eh good for u ig #i got tired of going thru the the tags cuz theres so much discussion about canon canon canon whatever #honestly its fine being canon isnt everything #being canon doesnt make a ship great there are lots of examples of that #no matter what bakudeku will always have great chemistry and development #their relationship wont just disappear cuz we get a sequel of deku having 3 kids and we follow the story of beku #thats smth shippers dudebros antis or like everyone needs to know tbh #rant #personal #fandom discourse #im gonna regret this in the morning

33 notes · View notes

gaypleasantview · 1 year

Text

life rant below:

everything feels so messy, i haven't been able to go to the doctor because of my social anxiety but i think something may be deeply wrong with my body bc i have symptoms of what could be a bad chronic illness?? i hope i can make an appointment this week bc im putting it off and its just devastating me. ive realized the only moments i can be brave despite my horrible anxiety are when i think of my life as something bizarre. like, my life is a joke, kinda. it makes no sense. i had no plans for adulthood but never in my life have i ever planned to seek refuge in a different country, that's for sure. and we're so lonely here, we have no one to hang with in our city, im not a big person for meeting irl but there was always someone, i had friends in uni, even in school, i had flatmates back home, now i only see friends once every few months and most of them i havent seen for so long at all. its been a year like this and i had no idea it would be so damaging to me and my perception of reality, i feel like im in a constant state of dissociation kinda because how could you accept this new reality? i still think somewhere in me that this is all a dream i'll wake up from one day and yeah, i may be gravely afraid of talking to the post office lady or whatever, but how hard can it be when perhaps the worst thing that could happen in anyone's life's basically already happened? i just hope the doctor won't gaslight me again, last time he told me my headaches are due to the post-war stress but my man the day before it happened i sat at my shitty job (want it to go bankrupt lol fucking bigots) and i felt soo fucking bad? i hope i at least get prescribed glasses or whatever. i dont know. and its funny because life is way better now than it was before anyway bc im less fucking poor but it still sucks ass im so tired and i need a therapist which also idk where to find them so as im searching for the possibilities im just venting here for some relief. yeah thats somewhat new. i miss home

#vent #tw health problems #tw dissociation #i think #non sims

7 notes · View notes

sweet-little-dude · 1 year

Note

hiii taku i come with bonten takeomi & natsu brainrot. also it’s a lot bc i can’t shut up abt them help. this is just copy paste of me being insane abt them to my qpp bc i’m too lazy to type it all again but yeah

basically their vibe is when takeomi is too tired of bonten's shit he visits natsu's tiny flat and she cooks spaghetti or smth that they have with wine before they slow dance to music playing on the old record player she stole from her parents when moving out and when they're sleepy enough they put on a shitty old movie and fall asleep cuddling trying to watch it. also they go to clubs together, they are friends though often get mistaken for a couple, and they have kissed quite a bunch of times. not sure if this part is canon but they might've fucked a bunch of times too and i can assure you if they did they both stood on a balcony to smoke together afterwards they 100% smoke and drink together (maybe a little too often) and their whole thing is pretty ride or die oriented,, they're together to have fun and forget the shitty parts of their lives. to be themselves for once. to have someone who understands and relates

i am a little insane about them sorry

also natsu is the oldest of five siblings and she fucked up all of her sibling relationships bc she used to be in a gang and her siblings are still all in a gang, all the same one, but a different one from hers. and yeah shit went down when their gangs fought and natsu's won. she'd now like to fix her relationship with her siblings but they don't even accept her calls most of the time and it's even more one-sided than takeomi & sanzu :(( but it's also one of the biggest things that make them relate to each other ajdkfkhsj i think they start venting to each other too bc they understand v much how the other feels yk

also more natsu sibling drama but even tho she left her gang her siblings are still in a gang as i've mentioned before n it's a LOT smaller than bonten more just beating up people for fun and some minor drug smuggling but natsu gets jumped by some gang members every other week/month n she's pretty good at defending herself but she still calls takeomi to pick & patch her up sometimes bc yk she just wants some comfort in her situation...

okay maybe i am more than just a little insane about them but like. they <33 also me on my 'wtf is defining a relationship' agenda again but i think they're mostly friends but also like. they fuck labeling their relationship they just know it's very much not romantic. but could be fuck all apart from that tbh. friends? fwbs? smth between? god knows but they're close and not romantic that's all that matters

so those were the paragraphs. sadly in my fic they just met for the 1st n 2nd time so there’s none of that at all but i’m def considering writing abt them bc goddamn i love them 😭 and i think takeomi deserves a friend. he’s just a lonely dripping wet pathetic little cat of a man and that’s a little mean yk? anyways i also have a picrew image of natsu hehe. bg lore for it is that the jacket she’s wearing is the one takeomi gives her in my fic when they first meet bc she’s cold n he wants to repay her for making sure sanzu is okay <3 it’s one of her fav pieces of clothing after that i think just because yk

phew i think that was all the insanity i have abt her atm hope you enjoy fr

YES FINALLY HERE WE GOOOO

literally the first sentence abt them and im already in love. SLOW DANCING 😭😭‼️‼️🔥🔥💔💔 damn boy i want what they have frfr. NAH CUZ I RLLY WANT WHAT THEY HAVE. to finally be able to act like ur true self without judgement and be able to be affectionate without the binds of an actual romantic relationship RAHHHHHHHH I WANT THAT. also dont apologise man i can see why u are lolllll

oh man dont hurt me like that w the sibling issues nooooo :( at least they both have each other to vent abt this stuff. but yea go off natsu beat their asses fr ‼️

NO BCUZ THAT AGENDA IS SO REAL. i love love love them tho they seem so :)))) with one another so they get an easy thumbs up of approval from me ^ ^.

YES PLS CONTINUE WRITING MORE ON THEM IM OBSESSEDDDDDDD. ur description on omi is so fucking on point what the hell T T. YESSSSS MAKING PICREWS OF OCS IS THE BEST I WILL DIE ON THAT HILL. thatz so sweet of them tho wtf.

all in all im a bit invested in them now thanks elys 🙄🙄 /j

#SHEZ PRETTY TOO :333 #love her #ALSO I WANNA KNOW MORE ABT HER SIBLINFS #*SIBLINGS HSHSGWHS 🤬🤬🫵🫵🫵#elys n taku rambles

4 notes · View notes

my-mt-heart · 1 year

Note

Its really hard for me right now as a caryler. Im french and i like Clemence Poesy, had it been still a caryl spin off i would be over the moon. And im one of those who loves Rick (refering to your post). I know u said lets not again put the blame on us carylers because we re devastated and saying it, and i get it, im sick of the carylers being blamed for everything as well, but some carylers on twitter are really really really going too far, and also are judging carylers that are not by shaming them and calling them pathetics losers that need attention and approval by GA etc. What kind of bullshit is that? Where's the tolerance for different opinions? Its sad. Im tired.

We dont know yet how this spin off will turn out. Yes the night club thing is strange but its just a setting, it doesnt mean we ll see Daryl having sex with all kind of strippers or girls in the club. Yes, Clemence is younger than Melissa, and the "cast as a lead" thing can be upsetting, but as u said, there is also a male lead, being cast as a lead doesnt mean anything else than she ll be in all episodes and be important to the story. That doesnt necessarely mean she'll be Daryl's love interest (but mind you... donnie and co are gonna jump on that ship for sure, canon or not...) , plus hell for all we know the spin off could be set before the time jump at the end of 11.24 with caryl canon.

Maybe, just maybe, lets wait for the finale before being scared and disappointed, and maybe also lets really wait for that spin off to air or have real spoilers abt it before jumping to the conclusion that its gonna betray Daryl's character. About what Khary said, well, he does know Melissa better than we do so even if he cant talk for her it is worrying for me. On the other side she did say Carol's not over yet, so i guess we just have to wait and see.

I have litteraly nothing against what lots of carylers are feeling right now, i've been sad and pissed myself for months, but seing some of "us" making fun of Clemence on twitter, having decided before seeing anything that its gonna be shit and full of shitty male gaze doesnt help our cause. And i know its not everyone, but its still tiring. And again, we are not bad carylers because we dont hate the new female lead. Our because we re kind of "happy" (not really because its just Daryl but hope u get my point) our country is getting some kind of recognition in our favorite show. I really really wish it could be Caryl in France and not just Daryl, but its not...

There are probably going to be a few french actors on this show that are either half famous around the world or at least huge stars in the french speaking countries (France, Belgium, ect...). I might like them as a fan of french cinema or tv. Am i a bad caryler because i dont wanna hate them just because they are trying to "internationalize" their career with an american spin off of a very famous show ? Am i going to stop liking them because they are in the show? No

Im not saying its what u re asking, i know its not. And im NOT watching the show anyway. Because carol's not in there. I'll just spoil myself if necessary. But i dont want to hate on Daryl, i refuse (i dont care abt Norman).

Again, please, i hope u ll understand what im trying to say. Im so tired. And its not against you. Or anyone on tumblr really. I love your posts. As some other anon pointed out, you re the light here, very often. Im just exhausted. Now, i shared here my opinion but respect yours or everyone else, i just wished everybody (and i dont mean u) did the same.

I understand what you're saying and I agree we shouldn't be jumping down each other's throats or blaming the new cast. As for the general uproar, AMC has broken our faith in a lot of ways, they've mishandled Daryl's story before (thinking of Leah), they've sidelined Carol/Melissa, kept Caryl apart and the list goes on, so I think it's important to keep holding them accountable for that. The finale/finale event will give us more insight like you said, and if we aren't happy, then yeah, we don't watch. I don't think any of us are planning to anyway.

#caryl #carol peletier #melissa mcbride #darylneedscarol

8 notes · View notes

eclipsesdiary · 1 year

Text

wednesday, april 5, 2023

today was a good day. i might be a shitty person but it wasn't too bad.

i didnt fall asleep well last night. i stayed up til 2am and kept seeing people staring at me through the window, and i saw people standing in the doorway behind the curtain. i ignored them, curling up and sleeping on the couch with a red light on. that was nice

i woke up at 7:00ish as my dad started making his coffee and i woke up and went to my bed, continuing to rest. i was supposed to meet nik at 10am to play ace attorney but. i never made it. i woke up at noon.

i feel shitty for lying to him about my alarm not going off but i really needed some more sleep. i got close to 10 hours. i need more rest soon too, because nik and i rescheduled for tomorrow morning at 9am. we need to finish case 3 of game 2. its 10pm now. i should take my meds so im tired and go to bed early tonight.

i lied to her about my alarm not going off but thats okay. it's fine. we go tomorrow anyways.

after i lied, my sister had work at 2:45p so i couldnt take her car to meet nik later. but i had coral come over around 3:30pm and we went into the basement. we put on a ghibli movie, porco russo! i watched it the other day and she hasn't seen it yet. i didnt love it but coral is a massive history nerd so the planes and ww2 stuff made her happy and entertained. we did an insect puzzle while we watched it! below is it

once we finished that puzzle i made us a snack. i cut up 2 apples and put some cheezits into a compartment container, and we each got a rice krispie! she drank coke zero and i had cranberry grape juice. i keep getting uti's so ive been drinking a lot of cranberry juice.

once we finished our snack we went to make a different puzzle but it wasn't really fun so we just started watching the wind rises. i REALLY like the wind rises, but it made me cry the last time. i get really attached to other chronically ill characters, so nahoko,,, hit hard. thats okay!

we didnt finish it, we had 44min and 4sec left but we had to head out to go to trivia at this pizza place with her parents. we played trivia, i got 1 question right, and helped with some others, but mostly just kept track of the score. we scored 5th out of the 12 teams. we wouldve gotten 3rd if they had gone with one of my answers hehe~

we might do that again, it was fun! anyways, we got home and took the dogs for a walk. its insanely warm out, 82F and it was 9:30pm when we took them. too warm, especially with high humidity.

also, my arms kinda felt like it was broken all day. i dont rly like that. im gonna ice it and hope its not.

anyways. long day, so tired.

misery

#daily journal

0 notes

ithinkimsick2 · 1 year

Text

phew! i made it a whole ermmm 11 days. yknow, i only come here when i have things bad enough to say that i'd feel bad if my friends knew and honestly, that threshold is not super high. well today.. i think today kinda sucked. was really on edge and low social battery. and i still tried to socialise anyways because i like to pretend everything is ok. my thoughts were running very fast. and i.. i don't know. yeah i don't fucking know. everything is really a mess but i don't have time to clean it up.

also, i wish my shitty dad would stop trying to play happy family as if any of this will make up for my shitty childhood and shitty now and all the fucking problems he gives me. i don't want a fucking family vacation, in fact, i wish you knew how to say sorry, like, ever. wish you ever kept your promises and wish you knew how to change and wish you'd leave me alone. wish you'd feel bad for the fact that i can't even sit down with my family for a dinner without feeling mounting dread because i can only associate everyone together with things going wrong. i can't eat one of my favourite meals because it tastes of shouting matches and tension. i can't stand the sound of people walking outside my door because im used to people bursting in to yell at any moment. im afraid to do things because half the time ill be reprimanded and the other half no one will even notice. i can't talk to my own siblings because i don't know how and im afraid of being wrong because they always made fun of me and you never did anything. i can't focus on anything and i can't sleep but im still tired and my bones ache and hurt and my eyes are wet and for what? im scared to make noise or draw attention to myself and i feel like everyone is always scrutinising me.

... my friend, i miss you! even though we haven't known each other long, even though we have been through many different experiences, and sometimes i am not sure what to say, i find that i enjoy conversation with you, and there is much to talk about. i don't know why, sometimes its hard to admit things so i admit them here instead. even though i would probably have no problem saying this to you. im really not very experienced with human connection, but im figuring it out as i go. i don't need to know everything, right? i can go with my gut feeling. im not sure what the future holds but i hope it is good things for you, and me, and the people around us.

this has been nice to get out, even though i got quite frustrated in the middle, i think it's good to get those feelings out. often, as said before, i deny myself the opportunity to feel my negative emotions, like im denying them. but, i must acknowledge that sometimes, we must feel them still. the full range of human emotions, right? am i not here on earth to feel them all?

0 notes

1kook · 3 years

Text

commercial break: twelve

this is part of my netflix & chill series a prelude to part 10 <3

SUMMARY Anyway, if it was up to Jungkook, Kim Doyeon would not be a member of the Engagement Ring Committee. WARNING none !! we r safe MISC jk and doyeon mortal enemies, nearly everyone is mentioned, thank u namjoon, jk loves oc, the end <3 jimin makes his first appearance O_O WC 1.4k

NOTES we just having fun with it!!! jk’s friendship with everyone else <3

Doyeon says you have fat fingers, and Jungkook takes great offense at that. “Who cares about the size— __ has pretty hands, idiot,” he mutters, and almost wants to feel bad about being so childish in the middle of this jewelry store. But Kim Doyeon is a pest— a fly who just won’t stop buzzing by his ear with each ring they look at, and she has the audacity to look disgusted with him now. Jungkook very much regrets inviting her along. She exudes very similar energy to the popular girls he used to go to high school, the ones that would only talk to him because he was friends with Namjoon and wanted Jungkook to help them into his pants. Lo and behold, Kim Doyeon is very acquainted with whatever’s inside Namjoon’s pants. She hits the mark perfectly.

“Oh, definitely get her a rock. Like, one of those obnoxiously bing and shiny rings, maybe?” And she never stops talking.

Jungkook hasn’t had to spend this much time with her in months, the last time being Namjoon’s birthday when you had tasked the two of them to go pick up the cake together. Not only was Doyeon adamant on passenger-seat driving — “Turn here,” she says a moment too late, “no wait, here — but she had been an absolute heathen outside in the bakery parking lot.

(“Okay, now take a picture of me by this wall,” she says, artfully holding up the box of cake in two hands, dark hair flipped over her shoulder. Jungkook doesn’t know how to tell her that there is no significant difference between this brick wall and the brick wall they just took a picture by two minutes before.)

Anyway, if it was up to Jungkook, Kim Doyeon would not be a member of the Engagement Ring Committee. It would be him and Namjoon, and maybe Namjoon’s blunt roommate Jimin if he was feeling down for it, but that was pretty much it. Even Taehyung, a very close and dearly cherished friend, had not made the cut. He was too lazy, didn’t offer much concrete advice other than the occasional, “that one looks cool” comment.

The great thing about Namjoon is that he’s highly educated on just about every aspect of life; he knows the best hairstylists — “You can always ask Hobi,” Namjoon offers, “he’s married.” — and the best lawyers — “Oh, and Yoongi can help with your prenup.” — for no reason other than the fact he is Namjoon.

The bad thing about Namjoon is that he’s dead set on including Doyeon. “Doyeon is ___’s best friend,” he says calmly one night after dinner. You’re at your friend’s house this weekend, something about a midnight revenge plot against a shitty ex-boyfriend. He isn’t too clear on the details. “You have to let her in on it.” It’s been decades since Jungkook last stomped his foot in annoyance, but the urge wells up strongly in him now.

Jimin is on the couch. “Oooh, you don’t like her?” he asks, flipping his platinum hair away from his eyes. Jungkook doesn’t answer, only because it would be rude to confirm it in front of Namjoon. Jimin presses on. “Is she, like, an evil best friend?”

“Yes,” Jungkook says at the same time Namjoon says, “no.” Jimin’s got this highly intrigued smirk on his face, and Jungkook hates how similar it is to your own mischievous grins. He’s glad you haven’t met Jimin, mostly because he knows you have your mean moments and meeting Park Jimin would only exacerbate them. Namjoon frowns anyway.

Jimin says, “oh, you guys should duel. Like, whoever knows __ the best gets to keep her.”

Namjoon jumps to stop that thought. “No— they’re not gonna duel, Jimin. ___ isn’t an object to win,” he scolds, and Jungkook nods along agreeingly, pretends he hadn’t seriously considered Jimin’s idea for a solid ten seconds.

Long story short, Doyeon has tagged along to this jeweler and the past two jewelers to make sure Jungkook doesn’t give you “an ugly ring,” as she claims.

“Wait, what if you get her this one,” she says, on the other side of the store. Jungkook sighs, but hurries over anyway. Hey, he’s here to see some rings, okay?

Doyeon is looking at the most ugly ring Jungkook has ever seen, a mix of a braid and a snake, that is just too… not you. “This is hideous,” he says, disregarding all and any notions of being polite because at this point, she had to be pulling his leg. “___ would hate this.”

At his side, Doyeon huffs. “Oh, ‘cause you know ___ sooo well, don’t you?” she snarks.

Jungkook levels her with a glare. “I do, actually,” he says, “that’s literally what made me want to marry her.” And because Kim Doyeon sparks a very immature flame within him, he feels the need to add, “I probably know ___ better than you,” to top it off.

Doyeon scoffs. “No, you don’t— you will never know her like I do, you overgrown fungus,” she spits. “Me and ___ have exceeded any level of trust you could ever hope to have, a friendship forged on the grounds of love and equal values. A nerd like you can’t even begin to fathom the absolutely crazy shit we’ve shared with each other.”

If he was eight years younger, Jungkook is certain he would have gone home and cried. Mid-twenties Jungkook, on the other hand, has had one too many rodeos with mean girls — he’s dating a retired high school cheerleader, for goodness sake, an apex predator if he’s ever seen one — and will not stand for it. Besides, Jungkook has received your blessing to check Doyeon into place if ever she crosses the line.

(“Sometimes you just gotta knock her down, maybe call her a dumbass if necessary,” you had said one night after Doyeon had unceremoniously barged into your apartment to monopolize your evening plans with Jungkook. Now it’s nearing midnight and as much as Jungkook wants to spend time with you, he’s deathly tired. “Just tell her off.”

Jungkook frowns, snuggles closer until he’s so tightly pressed against your body that he can’t tell whose heartbeat is whose. He likes it like that.

There’s just something about your annoying best friend that activates this feeling in Jungkook’s chest. If anything, Jungkook imagines it is similar to that of having a bratty little sister. But Doyeon as his sister? He rolls his eyes so far back he swears he sees his own brain.

It’s childish and petty and unlike Jungkook — or at least, unlike the Jungkook he knows you think he is. Which is flattering, to be thought of so highly, but sometimes Jungkook wonders where on earth you got that idea from. Because whenever he’s around you, Jungkook becomes increasingly immature, grows so greedy and needy, desperate for anything you have to give him.

And because he’s so immature, he settles on tattling to you instead, “she called me a sweaty meat bag,” to which you snort in amusement.)

For now, he calls on the spirit of the most mature person he knows (Namjoon). Jungkook takes one last look at his millionth silver band of the day before turning to address the Wicked Witch of the West. “I might not know ___ like you do, but that’s fine,” he says calmly. “We’re gonna spend the rest of our lives together anyway.”

In front of him, Doyeon’s eye twitches and Jungkook senses he has won. For now. See, the thing is, Jungkook knows that using Namjoon-level logic against her is foolproof. For one, Namjoon’s logic is always solid. But also, as much as Jungkook despises Kim Doyeon with nearly every fiber in his being… ultimately, they share a common interest: cherishing you.

Had it not been for your existence in their lives, Jungkook doubts he would have ever spent his Saturday morning at a jeweler with the likes of Kim Doyeon, especially not after she had spent ten minutes in the Starbucks drive-thru ordering the most bizarrely complicated drink. But deep in his heart Jungkook knows that she loves you, though not as much as him, and he respects the fact she is willing to accompany him in the name of buying you a beautiful engagement ring. It’s a friendship solidarity he admires, and for that he stomps down his childish pride to answer in a way that would impress, well, you.

(Even when you’re not here, Jungkook always wants to impress you.)

At his side, Doyeon huffs. “I should’ve never taken ___ to that party.”

#networkbangtan #jungkook #jungkook fic #jeon jungkook #jeon jungkook fic #jjk fic #jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x reader #bts fic #bts x reader #mine

554 notes · View notes

clairecrive · 3 years

Note

hi i know your requests are closed but could you do headcanons about how it would be to work through almost getting a divorce with nikolai lantsov after kind of falling out of love then deciding not to and working on getting their relationship back to how it was before because that unbreakable love for each other is still there and its noticeable. ive always wanted to read abt this and im asking this request from a number of writers cos i find it so cool to read everyone write their take on it.

cant wait to see what you come up with! thank you<3

A/n: taking a lil break from studying to write this. btw, hc take me less time to write so if you have more you can always send them in and I'll do my best to answer.

(tags are at the end)

SHADOW AND BONE MASTERLIST

okay so, the idea of letting Nikolai go is absurd to me. However, I can see how there could be some strains in a relationship with him.

if we remain in a canon situation, I'd say that the biggest thing that could come between you two up to the point of almost divorce is his ambition and dedication to Ravka

Nikolai is a strategist and the thing he wants more is seeing Ravka free and thriving and he'd do anything to make that a reality

so, he'd be plenty busy

busy to the point that you'd go months without seeing him

whether he's in Ravka working on his projects with David and Nadia or he's in another country on a diplomatic visit

of course, he has invented flying ships and all but those kinds of journeys still are long and tiring

however, since you are in the picture, I'd like to believe that Nikolai would try to find a balance between his country and his love

if not simply for the fact that he loves you and he loves being with you

if he's married you, there's a reason. right?

so, I feel like whenever he's back from a long trip away he'd take some time to spend it with you. First days in between the sheets and then doing some of your favourite things together.

just to spend some quality time with you

that's until he slips away more and more to take care of something

at first, it's a couple of hours before dinner

then he misses dinner entirely but spends the afternoon together

then only mornings together

until it comes the time you wake up and his side of the bed is cold

of course, you were aware of the life he led

his ambition and dedication were two of the things you loved most about him

but you missed him

he was gone so much that it didn't feel like a relationship anymore

it seemed like a free trial for widowhood

you had confronted him about this

many times

but he was still the King of Ravka and he had responsibilities he couldn't forfeit

and despite his best intentions, it seemed that they didn't match with his marriage

and you understood that. his role and the many things he had to take care of. really.

but you were tired of being alone a feeling unimportant

so, one day you decided to wait for him. Nikolai was the first to wake up and the last to fall asleep.

but that night, you waited for him. sat in your bed, hoping he'd come too late

when he did step into your room, he was surprised to see you awake. at first, he was delighted. he missed you too and the idea of being able to spend some time with you brought him endless joy

however, he soon noticed the expression on your face, your arms crossed on your chest and he understood that whatever reason had made you wait for him, wasn't anything good.

as much as it broke your heart to say the words, you told him what you had been thinking about for months now.

"this marriage is not working out for me anymore."

Nikolai's heart broke. truly shattered at your words.

he knew he'd be walking on a fine line and it was only a matter of time before you'd snapped again

but he never thought it'd come to this

divorce

what a wretched word

Nikolai hated it. he hated the fact that he had been such a shitty husband that you now wanted to have nothing to do with him

he tried to change your mind, promised that he'd do better, that he loved you and you were his whole heart even though he'd done a shitty job to show you.

but you knew that despite his words were genuine, his promises were empty.

and you were simply done. you couldn't take any more of this.

when he understood that he had pushed you too far, Nikolai relented. He accepted your decision and told you that he'd take care of it.

in the meantime, you went away.

there was no reason for you to stay. you were alone anyway so staying just to sleep in the same bed as he felt ridiculous

the time apart was agonizing for both of you. unironically, knowing that he was just a few feet away made it easier for you to bear the loneliness. And Nikolai?

Well, he had forgotten how to function. The absence of your presence affected him more than he would have thought. To the point where he could only think of you and how he couldn't lose you. The divorce wasn't official yet and he was already miserable.

So he took some time off and he joined you.

Again, he asked for forgiveness. pleaded for you to give him a second chance and if not, to at least allowed him to spend the days before signing the papers together.

and you agreed. you agreed because you had missed him so much. because you still loved him.

those remaining days were spent in utter denial. neither of you acknowledged the truth of your situation but unspokenly decided to make the most of it.

and saints, it did nothing but remember why you had fallen in love with each other and decided to spend the rest of your lives together in the first place.

when the time was almost up, neither of you wanted for it to end.

but the problem remained: you couldn't go back to the same routine

but letting Nikolai go wasn't possible neither

so you talked to him. explained your reasons and your motives and that above all you loved him

he felt so much relief in knowing that there was still a tiny chance of making this right

he renewed his promises of being a better husband, of changing his work schedule so that he could be more present.

he had even handed you a sheet where he had drafted his new schedule and well, it was completely different

of course, you knew that there would be times where he'd be inevitably busier but as long as he made an effort, you'd be fine with it

and so you agreed, you gave him a second chance and you were proud to say that Nikolai was living up to his words

and you were happier than ever

tags:

@jupiterandbutterflies, @agentsofshield, @for-bebbanburg, @randomoutsiders, @pansysgirlfriend, @hannaxmaria, @vintagebitc, @story-scribbler, @hazelrose14, @crowssixof, @odetostep, @lizzie-he4rts (taglist form)

#nikolai lanstov #nikolai lantsov headcanons #nikolai lantsov hc #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov x you #nikolai lantsox angst #nikolai lantsov fluff #nikolai lantsox imagine #nikolai lantsov imagines #grishaverse #shadow and bone #shadow and bone imagines

255 notes · View notes

jeweled-blue-eyes · 2 years

Note

i like to hc (or i think it’s canon. like it was heavily implied) that athy has a mental illness..? depression i think. ( pls let me have this ok! i know it’s so cliche but i also have mdd and her character just hits me esp her reincarnation as a person in our world and she... died 😭😭😭) also i like how functional she is? like yes she has dark thoughts a lot, but she has a good facade. she is strong (i mean she’s lived under poverty, no parents AND most likely worked at customer service) works hard, and smiles and keeps doing all of it, she doesn’t want to die bc of claude. do we know if she overdosed on purpose? was it an accident? we can’t know exactly. *LONG (AND I MEAN LONG) rant ahead i tried to make it make sense and this is just my own experience i’m sure other people will see it differently. you don’t have to read this, so please skip it if you don’t want to read this! and if you did and if you’d like, tell me what you think x*

what we do know is that she opened her eyes and she’s suddenly... a pitiful princess. and you know what? she’s not having any of this. she doesn’t want to have yet another shitty life. and yes she’s tired and she keeps wondering if what she’s doing is right. if she’s making the right decisions. when it gets REALLY hard she thinks “i thought i’d finally be happy”. she’s felt so lonely, and scared, finding a real friend like jennette, i think her fear of possible death if jennette were to be noticed by claude is surpassed by her wanting an actual connection with someone. to be loved. and who better than her sister? 🥺🥺 LISTEN IM A FIRM BELIEVER WMMAP SHOULDNT HAVE ROMANCE AS A MAIN THEME (especially in the novel where everything is more fucked up, here it’s more family centered) idk why they were shoving a lucas romance so fast when my girl athy is having a breakdown. for me, she just needed a friend. i think she had finally found a healthy connection to someone. jennette is her sister. and! she loves athy unconditionally. she’s never scared of her because she knows jennette would never want to hurt her. in fact, jennette would almost die for her like twice. (talking manhwa) i wish we could have focused more on the sibling bond in this story because it does athanasia so good. and i think, it’s a parallel with ana and claude’s relationship. athanasia and jennette, they choose to love each other and i think that’s so sweet. peak writing there spoon 💓🤧

also it’s like. a really good depiction of mental illness too (even if it was maybe? unintentional bc we only see the dark thoughts a few times, when claudes in a coma, especially but that works great because it often just. lingers and that’s why ppl don’t get treated until it’s serious and more dangerous.) she’s high functioning. i can see a lot of typical behavior? for some of us it impairs us, won’t let you even get out of bed or take care of yourself. losing interest in things you liked before is common etc but for others! work and study and it’s SO hard and there’s bad thoughts and all you can do is. eat something because food doesn’t really fail ever. smile! distract yourself by doing daily tasks, etc ☠️ i hope this isn’t too tmi i don’t wanna overshare. maybe someone will relate lmao. ANYWAYS the amnesia arc, this is my favorite lucas, sort of. like you know how i’ve said before that i have a love-hate relationship with this dude. this is kinda why, i wanna elaborate 😭. because im so angry at him right now

ok so yes lucas is not great! and his relationship with athanasia is... uhh! kinda unhealthy 🥴 like i feel like athanasia clings to him because he’s literally the only person who is there, but not under normal circumstances it’s not really an effort on his part because he’s super powerful and he’s not in actual danger. so he can’t really relate to the magnitude of these events like a normal person would. he thinks blowing things up is gonna solve their problems (that’s not problem solving lucas) when something traumatic happens lucas is put there so we associate security to him. you also said that he’s been a victim of abuse. so i can understand why things are happening like this (i’m not happy about it though they could have written something better😔) it’s sort of like clinging to people who show you the bare minimum of what is kindness because well. you’re scared of loneliness perhaps. or, you aren’t used to others being kind to you, and it feels nice. this can make some mentally ill people easy to manipulate, AND it can make others too clingy or controlling. i see it something like that. maybe in my case i like him bc of this? ☠️ i’m speaking from experience here

maybe athy has associated security with lucas. sense of security and the few instances where he’s kind, bc he’s bitch shaped, in the middle of all of the uncertainty. it’s not the best support someone could be giving and he’s definitely not a good person, but no one (jennette should but also we know they’re pushing for lucas/athanasia interactions so they just won’t let her be there with athy ugh 😩) else is there when athanasia is having these traumatic experiences (again probably doing this on purpose and it DOES sound manipulative doesn’t it? not lucas, the writing). i was actually expecting character development for lucas bc of the amnesia arc.

i finally saw him caught off guard for once, because athanasia is actively having “dark thoughts” (i’m calling them that but i really mean suicidal this is where i get the idea she did kill herself), and he didn’t want to show her the world tree branch because he’s scared she will die, that she will “leave him”. he cares for her but it’s a little more on the unhealthy side bc they’re both mentally ill. moving on. he also shows her the tree branch because hes scared she is feeling hopeless (very depressed). sure it hurts but if it means she stays alive, he will try to aid her if it makes her feel better. when he sees her like this, he relents and shows her it. the tree tells her of this method to cure her dad, and he gets angry because it will put her in danger and it’s uncertain that it will actually work. see, this is where i actually liked lucas. helping claude isn’t possible for him. in contrast to how he talks about aeternitas being weak, and being out of touch because well he’s THE wizard. this is one of the few things that he cannot do, so he is sort of in the same place as athy right now. a feeling of helplessness? he can’t do anything, as powerful as he is, to cure her father. and you know? it’s nice. i wish he had stayed like this.

if they hadn’t made him so powerful i would have actually preferred him more as a love interest. it’s really difficult to connect to him because he is almost invincible most of the time, except for in the amnesia arc. before and after this time period, he is more cocky and so sure of himself, it’s like he can’t bring himself to feel empathy for others. so when i saw him be sensitive and unsure i wanted him to keep going on this path of becoming a better person, a better friend for athy, and realizing that he’s not all powerful. just because someone is mentally ill doesn’t excuse being a jerk, and two mentally ill people being in a relationship doesn’t mean that the relationship has to be toxic! but there’s steps in order for it to work and so they don’t sink together... athy and him could have actually helped each other (i’m not saying fix each other here, that’s not how it works) if he could just open up and be vulnerable, ack if they didn’t try to paint him as the usual love interest all the time. same as her! i want her to talk about her trauma and her problems to someone so bad, lucas knows she reincarnated, but they don’t talk about it. unfortunately the narrative is pushing the typical shoujo josei approach which has toxic gender roles and its so boring 😔😔 the incredibly strong and possessive ml and a weaker fl who needs help. right now i dislike lucas a lot, aack like really... he’s gone back to being inconsiderate and a bitch. hate it here

the only other person i know of that helped athy was my boy kiel, but! this child did have a lot to risk, in contrast. by running after athy he’s going against not only his own family but against claude which means sort of... certain death for him. he’s ACTUALLY contributing to this relationship by sacrificing things, putting effort in order to help her. hell, falling in love with her was probably one of his first choices. something that is “him”. it’s struggling if you’re a normal human person. again, we could have kiel and jennette to balance out the lucas and claude interactions but they are REALLY pushing for a lucas thing here bc he’s the novel’s love interest so they will reduce kiel to a second thought when i really think, even if he isn’t an all powerful wizard, that he could offer better support to athanasia and relate more to her than, well, most characters would, and in a healthy way. he would be more sensitive and would comfort her, not saying that they could simply solve it by destroying things but actually telling her, that yes, she’s right, that’s a very difficult situation and she shouldn’t have to go through that. he would not be able to fully understand but he’d try to help her in any way possible. because he was always on her side. it’s honestly great. there’s probably symbolism in there but i’m too stupid to notice. something about changing your fate. there’s certainly parallels between athy and kiel because they’re both changing the future. making choices for THEM. choosing to follow happiness. 🧍something like that someone will probably say it better than i ever will. 👉👈

and last, but not least, i wanted to talk about claude. it’s a similar situation with claude and lucas. he’s the only father athanasia ever had (unfortunately) and any fatherly love athy ever received is from him even if this dude REALLY needs to stop projecting and being violent and distant there’s so many things wrong with claude and he’s so complex. i enjoy his character but he’s a horrible father. at least he’s trying now unlike a certain black cat with red eyes instead of green ones. athanasia actually confronts him... anyways. mental illnesses are often hereditary (i’m not opening MY can of worms though but it runs in the family) we see how VERY unhealthy family dynamics have traumatized the obelian royal family for generations (aka intergenerational trauma babeyyy 🗣😩☠️) and it finally culminates in ana being possessed by aety, in claude becoming a tyrant, in him executing athanasia, and jennette unintentionally making him worse. aeternitas takes over the throne and well. it’s kinda the end of the empire lol.

we can see how this environment affects athanasia, in the first timeline especially, it is a reflection of her life the second time around, and the third time again. sure, she didn’t exactly inherit claude’s alcoholism (i’d recommend she doesn’t risk it though. stay away from alcohol) or violent behavior, BUT she is definitely suffering from a mental illness (like most obelian royalty) and she has also adopted the tendency of drowning herself in work just like he does. and she’s a little desensitized to the violence. it’s a bit of a softer blow because she didn’t internalize it as much as if she had been a baby, being an adult in a child’s body. but it’s still there. and claude got the most of it, a lot more than anastacius did. being an illegitimate child, etc. the person who got away from all of this mess and broke the cycle of abuse is jennette. she was raised in the alpheus manor and we can’t say roger is the best father because he has a lot of flaws. he’s using jennette and pushing ijekiel to be the next head, and probably instilling the wrong ideas in both of them since they were children. he’s put them both in danger with their greed. however, that will always be better than living in the palace. jennette has been affected by the way she was raised but in a very different way than she ever would have had she lived in the palace. ana will not be the best father either, but he hasn’t been in claude’s position who was most subjected to trauma in that same place than anastacius ever was. so he’s not on his level of fucked up, fortunately jennette will be ok with him.

i think jennette and ijekiel should have stayed closer to athanasia and they have a lot more importance than many people give them credit for. it’s a breath of fresh air from everything heavy that happens around her. hell, not even lucas was free from abuse and he has a lot of issues stemming from abandonment etc. they’re sort of the healthiest bonds athanasia has and she NEEDS those! she really does. i think i’ve talked too much already, 😭 idk what it’s supposed to be. analysis? rant? being angry that there’s SO much potential for more themes because the word building is simply incredible? so i’ll leave it here. thanks for listening and if you’ve read until here! don’t wanna force you to answer or anything. and sorry for clogging ur inbox

Headcanon accepted! I like to hc LP Athy to have an Avoidant Personality Disorder & depression. This is probably contradicted by canon since Lithium said LP Athy crying was so out of the character that even Claude was suprised by her breakdown but since it's the only panels where she has dialogue I imagine her to be similar to Hilise Inoaden in her first life: cries easily but only at night when she's alone by herself, hypersensitive, feels unsafe in big crowds or when alone with strangers, clings to every gesture that can be interpreted as kindness, tendency to excuse the actions of the people she cares about (really how has she not lost hope for Claude in those 18 years of her life facing his rejection and the noblility's mockery?).

Talking about mental illnesses being heredity, baby Claude could have also ended up with an Avoidant Personality disorder if he hadn't freezed his heart, I think. But now I hc him with an Antisocial Personality Disorder, Like Lucas.

But I don't think wmmap is good representation of mental illness. You could argue that Lucas' and Claude's "psychopathic/sociopathic" tendancies are mainly caused by dark magic and not their childhood trauma. Like even though Claude seems to have ASPD, baby Claude never showed signs of a conduct disorder. I know this isn't a must but still. Athy's trauma only gets bought up when spoon needs to stirr drama between her and Claude. It doesn't really impair her much in her everyday life. There isn't a day where she has a hard time getting out of bed or a day where she tries pursuing her hobbies but nothing brings her joy anymore. She still manages to be productive. She had no problems to interact with strangers and blend in with the tea party girl's in high society, even though their mother's betrayed her later and some of them surely did the same in the first timeline (ignoring Athy in favour of Jennette), yet she doesn't really harbour any resentment against the noble's that harmed her in her first life.

#anon #answered asks

22 notes · View notes

wizkiddx · 3 years

Note

ohmyword if your doing req can u pls do another fluffy, domestic one bcos honeymoon morning is some i read daily AHAH maybe like the reader gets ill and toms away or something???? pls just anything fluffy

awh thank you for being so sweet abt honeymoon morning - I do think that's one of my favourite concepts ive done!! and I hope this suits what you want, im not so sure myself but I tried :)))

summary: you try to hide being ill from Tom before he leaves but inevitably it doesn't all go to plan

warnings: mentions of being sick, I think that's all - basically just fluff

|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

The night hadn’t really gone typically at all. Instead of relishing the last night with Tom for a few months, your body seemed to have different plans. Hence why now you were curled up in a ball on the sofa, staring blankly at the TV, while the washing machine whirred next-door in the utility room and the chemical smell of cleaning products enveloped the downstairs. At least when you were sick, you were a clean sick.

You were also a quiet sick. You had been pulled from your sleep by the uncomfortable heavy sensation from your stomach barely an hour after you’d both headed to bed. Why was beyond you - what had been important in that moment was to get away from Tom. He was flying back to set tomorrow (or given the early hours currently, lunchtime today was more appropriate) and only had a single day to settle before launching back into filming. So the poor boy was inevitably, given time zones, going to be running on poor quality plane sleep for the next couple of days - you wanted to five him a final night of peace, at least.

As a result, you’d crept downstairs and since then spent a large chunk of the night making good friends with the downstairs toilet bowl. Once you were absolutely certain there was literally nothing else in your stomach, you chucked some bleach down the loo; then stripped your *stained* pyjamas and chucked them in the washing machine; changed into some freshly washed stuff in the utility (comprising of joggers and one of Tom’s hoodies); before you could curl up in the corner of the sofa.

And that’s how you’d been for an hour or so. Still feeling grim, unable to fall asleep as much as you were trying to and generally just lying in a ball of self pity. And that was fine… until you heard the unmistakable slow padding of footsteps down the stairs.

“Love?… -hy’re you up?” His voice was drenched in sleep, making it pull on your heart strings, even before he had rounded the sofa and come into view. Dressed only in his heather grey joggers only, Tom’s curls sat ontop of his head wildly - sticking up at all ridiculous angles. And then there was his puffy eyes, barely open as he slowly processed the sight of you curled up on the sofa.

“Just couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to keep you up tossing and turning. Why are you up bub?”

“Don’t sleep good without you… you know kicking me and stealing the duvet and stuff.” Never one to maintain a level of seriousness and ‘soppiness’ - it was instantly turned back to the typical relationship of the two of you. While rolling your eyes, you still chuckled at him in the low light of the TV. Tom took the opportunity to perch on the edge of the sofa, sitting so he was grinning loopily down at you. “You fancied putting a wash on too?”

“...I don’t know just trying to be productive?” He was catching on, he was suspicious. You could tell. His eyebrows furrowed together and he delicately hovered the back of his hand over your forehead, feeling the undeniable heat radiate into his skin.

“And bleach?”

“Toilet needed doing anyway.” You mumbled, head turning to stare back at the TV- knowing his eyes were piercing into your soul. He sighed, in your peripheries you could see him shaking his head in slight frustration, as his hand reached for yours, giving it a squeeze.

“You’re ill aren’t you?”

“I’m alright-“ he cut you off with a low warning of your name, making you cower slightly because he’d caught you in a lie. “I threw up a couple times but now I just feel a bit ‘eugh’”. That was, to be fair, a completely truthful description of your evening and current situation. Maybe not put most eloquently but Tom definitely got the messsage, somehow reading your mind by lightly massaging your abdomen with his hand that wasn’t clasped with yours.

“Come on... let’s get you back to bed.” As much as you wanted to argue with him, it was clear any attempt would be futile. One of things you love so much about Tom is how fiercely protective he is of those dear to him. His circles progressively shrunk as he learnt who he could trust and who ... well he couldn’t. The culling had left a handful of people who were almost central to Tom’s life - somehow you’d managed to wangle your way into these select few too.

So no, there was not point arguing or suggesting he puts his own welfare first.

After putting you back int the double bed, Tom had disappeared for 10 minutes or so, when he reinterred the room it was clear he’d been busy. His tongue was stuck out in focus as he tried to balance different mugs and plates on a tray to you. Even if you felt shitty, for a moment by just seeing how far this guy had gone for you - you’d never felt better.

“Okay there’s some lemsip with honey to settle your stomach, water and a slice of toast just because you should probably see if you can keep something down.”

“You really are the sweetest.”

“And you’re the illest so get drinking love.” He laughed softly in the yellow glow of the bedside lamps that illuminated the room. It highlighted his prominent jaw line and the way his eyes crinkled in the corners and given your slightly off state, you might’ve spent a bit too long ogling at the man cosied up next to you. Never would there be a time you weren’t grateful for him.

Turns out you couldn’t keep the toast down but the experience was somewhat less horrific - this time you were spilling your guts out into your ensuite, while Tom held your hair and rubbed your back. Eventually things settled, allowing The two of you nestle back into bed, Tom wrapping his arms round your stomach to lightly trace random patterns on the skin underneath your hoodie - as you nestled back into his chest more.

“I really love you Tom”

“Love you darling, now get some rest and shout if you need anything.” You hummed lightly, almost letting go to sleep now your felt a bit less like your intenpstines were wringing themselves together. But not quite.

“I’m gonna miss you and your stupid face.”

“We can talk about that when your better” It was as if Tom thought whispering and drawing circles on your stomach was going to deafen you to his words. Yes your stomach wasn’t having a lot of fun and you were tired - but you were not deaf. It was oh so predictable too, he loved to be absolutely ridiculous. Indignantly you huffed, rolling over and eyeing him intently.

“What’s there to talk about?”

“Just…. Just if your sick you shouldn’t be on your own. I could always just-“

“No no you couldn’t. You and me both know for a fact you do have a choice and even if you did it be pissing off a hell of a lot of people.” He pouted, you could tell even in the darkness of the night.

“I hate having to leave you though, especially like this.”

“Yes but you love your work too. I’ll be here when you get back… maybe just with a bit less intestines.” Laughing at that, Tom pulled you onto his chest, pressing his tips to the crown of your head as your burrowed into his side.

It can’t have taken more than 5 seconds for you to fall asleep, exhausted from the illness, the stupid time in the morning and maybe slightly for dealing with Toms idiocy.

You were awoken in the morning to Tom stroking your hair gently, all dressed and ready for his flight - but still finding the time to fuss over you and wanting to say a proper goodbye. After practically ordering his to leave… you best believe he dropped in the fact he’d got both Sam and Harry to come round as your babysitter.

He was an idiot. But he was your kind, caring , beautiful and loving idiot.

#tom holland #tom holland fluff #tom holland x reader #Tom Holland blurb #Tom Holland angst

228 notes · View notes