#anyways i ended up calling the university to ask why exactly i failed the entrance exam and that's when they told me that hkgdshvkkl

[luchsyy]

homework assignment for one of the universities i applied to. we were asked to create a series of 3 posters based on a prompt that they gave us. they liked my work but i didn't pass because according to them i "didn't have the right attitude". whatever that means lmao.

(paper cutting/collage & photoshop; created in april of 2023)

#i'm finally posting some pieces from the portfolios i made for the universities that i applied to!! yay :D #anyways i ended up calling the university to ask why exactly i failed the entrance exam and that's when they told me that hkgdshvkkl #they gave me the vaguest response ever but honestly they didn't seem very happy to talk to me so i didn't really ask any more questions #portfolio 2023 #design

[cheelduh]

How to tie up a cute boy

(Highschool Au)

Pairing: Childe x fem!reader

Parts: 1  2  3

Word count: 4K

Warnings: Swearing, Scaramouche abuse, no Signora slander this time, shit humour.

Synopsis: "Why are you doing homework?" Childe groans, rolling off to the side and kicking off the blanket to expose himself in nothing but a pair of boxers. "I'm literally right here, naked and defenseless. Why aren't you taking advantage of me?"

Note: Unedited yet again besties. Tysm for reading :) I got Childe after losing him to mf MONA, istg it was the most stressful moment of my life.

The clock ticks with its pendulum, ridiculing you as it holds the time. The gentle whirring of the air conditioning in the background serves as the icing on the cake to your pent up aggression.

You try not to glare at your phone too much after receiving a text from Childe that told you not to worry, that his dad picked him up and that he was in the comfort of his home, letting the flu blow over.

It took a lot of convincing from his part earlier that morning to get you to go back and actually attend the rest of your classes, making sure to check up on him every break plus the additional "bathroom breaks" you usually never take while in class.

"I can't let you get in trouble for me." He murmured with a small smile that pumped your blood a little faster than usual. "I'm fine, really. Don't worry your pretty little head."

You do exactly that.

You don't even know why you're so worried. He's sick, not dying. Not to mention, you aren't even his girlfriend let alone his friend to care so much. 

Your intrusive thoughts don't waste any time. You latch onto the one thought that takes over. He's probably dead. Lying in his bed in a heap of pillows, passing peacefully while his parents are in the other room. He's dead.

Okay, he's not dead. You intrusive thoughts sure do one hell of a job. He'll be fine, and in no time he'll go back to being a reckless distraction in your life that you need to surpass. Just another obstacle to add onto the list of things life has thrown at you.

But for an obstacle, he sure is kind of cute.

You refrain from bashing your head on the desk. School isn't really a preferred environment on your list of top ten places to shrivel up and die.

Speaking of death and all that is evil, why is Childe always on your mind? He takes up every nook and cranny of your day, constantly, and truth be told it's starting to boil your piss.

Every time you close your eyes you see his smug smile, and hear his stupid laugh. He's an annoying little prick who gets a rise out of exasperating you. Yet here you are, terrified by the warmth that blossoms in your heart when you so much as hear his name.

The final bell rings at long last, conveniently before you bite your tongue to avoid screaming, and not another second is wasted once you launch yourself out the door. You dodge through the crowd of students in the hall that are buzzing in excitement from it being a Friday afternoon, and you would be too if you weren't so damn hung up over a ginger with a battlekink.

Locker in view, you make a beeline and spend the next two minutes fumbling with the lock in your hands.

"Woah there cutie," Lisa speaks up playfully. "At this rate you'll break the poor lock with your bare hands."

For a moment you're surprised at her sudden appearance, but then remember that it's normal for her to worm her way anywhere.

"It's just—this lock is being dumb okay? It has no reason being a pain in my ass but it wakes up every day and chooses violence." You hiss through your teeth, a sharp metallic ring invading your ears when you lose it and jostle the combination lock against the door of your locker.

Lisa winces, but smiles teasingly nonetheless. "Want me to give it a try?"

"Please."

Lisa has the door open at record speed.

"I love you Lisa." You confess wholeheartedly, gripping at your chest. "I love you so much—"

"Yeah yeah," She waves you off with a grin. "Now hurry up and go save your boyfriend from the common flu. Archons knows he won't make the night."

You flush at the word "boyfriend" and don't give much thought to the insinuation that lies within the rest of her sentence.

Sliding your skateboard under an arm, you spin on your heel just to bump straight into Scaramouche, who's won the scowl of the century on his face. He's the last person you want to see right now, but apparently the universe wants to have a pissing match with you.

"Give this homework to that idiot Ginger." He shoves a stack of papers into you. "Tell him that once he's done circling the drain, I'm gonna kick his ass." He then leans in, murderous glint in his eyes. "And if you ever touch me again I'll take a shit in your cereal. That's not a threat, it's a promise."

You shiver at the thought of him squatting on your Cheerios, hands becoming clammy as you try and justify yourself. "It was an accident."

Your pitiful excuse earns you nothing from the navy haired boy. "It'll be an accident when I murder your entire family, three generations over."

"Hi Mona!" You wave excitedly over his shoulder at the body of students that are totally not Mona. With elation he fails to conceal, Scaramouche turns to look at the speed of light.

You take the chance to make your escape—not before waving to Lisa, chuckling to yourself. He's down bad.

With great expertise you file your way through the flock of students chattering near the entrance. , you confidently place your skateboard down on the sidewalk, ready to—

Wait—where does he live again?

You sigh heavily, ignoring the sadness as you thank the universe internally for pulling the reigns on your disastrous plan. Checking up on Childe at his house? With his family present? Making a complete fool out of yourself? What are you thinking? The possibilities are horrendous. He probably doesn't even think of you like that, he just likes a challenge and you pose as one.

You turn away to make a run for it in the direction of your home, all the while ignoring the nagging worry in your chest for Childe. He's probably fine anyways, you don't need to check up on him, and if you did he'd likely find a way to spin it and tease you relentlessly.

Although somehow, the thought of being teased by him isn't as dreadful as you'd like it to be.

Suddenly, an idea graces you, one that guarantees your misery by sating your obligation to check up on Childe. A litany of curses escape your mouth. Genius really, the amount of ways you can think of doing something that'll end in your demise.

"Adeptus Xiao." You whisper apprehensively, already regretting your decision. "Adeptus Xiao." Glancing around your surroundings, you barely notice the shadow that looms over you at your backside.

"What do you want mortal?" Unbeknownst to you, he strikes out of nowhere, making you jump back several meters. You manage to muffle a surprised shriek.

Xiao is Venti's -6 ft boyfriend, the vicious epitome of an eboy. He has a scaled tattoo covering up the majority of an arm, a few piercing holes in his ears, all matched up with a disinterested look. Somehow, he always appears out of nowhere if you call out his name. It's sort of disturbing in a way.

His amber eyes pierce through you, forcing a shudder of fear and dread to lace your blood, almost as if he can sense you shittalking him in your head.

With shaky hands, you ask, "Can you tell me where—"

"No."

"You didn't even hear me ou—"

"No."

"Please?"

He refuses to at least pretend to think about it for a moment.

"No."

"Why?" You frown, stomping your foot on the ground childishly.

"Because." He retorts with a lack of interest, but doesn't further explain his point. English teachers must love this kid.

"Okay," You say slowly, casually inspecting his form as you come up with an idea, briefly remembering Lumine mentioning it to you. "How about I give you my share on almond tofu Tuesday."

The lack of interest on his face wavers slightly. Bingo.

"What do you want mortal?" Xiao mutters gruffly, arms crossed, face morphing into subtle annoyance.

You wrack your brain for a proper answer. You can't just outright ask him or it'll seem like you have a thing for Childe, which you unfortunately do, but you'd like to keep a semblance of integrity. Ah yes, the homework!

"I gotta deliver these to Childe." You outstretch the pile of worksheets in your hands. "Except I don't know where he lives. Can you tell me?"

Xiao's eyes glint with danger. "Did you summon me for the trivial task of giving you an address?"

You nod furiously.

"Do humans have no shame?" Its rhetorical. Expressionlessly, he closes his eyes with intent focus, doing what you assume to be locating Childe's exact location.

He blinks an eye open, reaches a hand out. "Give me your phone." Palm waiting.

You hand it over to him almost desperately.

One glance at your bubbly phone case and he doesn't even try to hide his distaste. He taps a few times, then hands it back to you almost immediately.

On the screen is maps, and Childe's home is about a fifteen minute walk away.

Your jaw drops in disbelief. "How did you do that?"

"Easy," He mutters, leaning back against the school gate as the remainder of students walk past the two of you. "Locating demons that need subjugating is but a simple task."

There's a pregnant pause. Demon.

"Childe's a demon?" You gasp, even though you've always had your suspicions. Hence the reason you invest so much in demon-cancelling charms.

"What? No." He mutters with a roll of his eyes, and you note that his irritation grows the more questions you ask. "I had a physics project with him last semester."

That's why the charms don't work.

Your mouth forms an o, in fear that if you keep this conversation going on any longer, he'll snap at you. Especially when your next line of interrogation involves how he's able to appear and disappear into thin air.

It's a magic trick you'll want to master whenever Il Dottore has another conniption fit in the middle of the hallways after Kaeya tells him he looks like he has skid marks.

"Thank you." You say instead, trying to preserve his regard, but by the time you meet his gaze he's already gone with the wind.

—

Childe's home is surprisingly humble, considering the amount of fat stacks of cash he carries around in his fanny pack so care-freely. It's a normal suburban home from what you can tell, a little bigger than normal with a double garage, neatly mowed lawn and a few forgotten decorations from the windblume festival. A series of water guns lay forgotten near the entrance, making their presence known when you stumbled upon them.

It's hard to remain unphased. Especially since such a normal looking home has bred someone as ruthless as Childe.

Maybe it not the home, you think. Maybe it's the way he was raised. You recall a few glimpses of his mother in middle school, but because of your worse for wear memory retention, you can't ballpark her personality type.

As your thoughts wander further down to his parents and early childhood, villain origin story and what not, you're pulled out of your concentration when the door opens. The possible implications of being here are most definitely not in your favor.

Childe's mother is a stunning woman in her mid-forties who sure as hell doesn't show it in that jaw-dropping sapphire dress, topped off with a brilliant smile that makes your knees weak. Like mother like son, you suppose.

With her sudden appearance, strangely enough, you can remember how good her tiramisu bites are.

You take a moment to respond, swallowing thickly, only to stare at her stupidly.

His mother doesn't waste another second before ushering you in, oblivious to your star-struck expression. "Y/N? L/N Y/N? My have you grown. I remember when you were only this tall." She lifts her hand up a little above her waist, the jewels on her fingers dazzling with every movement. "How is your mother doing?"

"She's doing alright, busy with the clinic." You're able to find your words, smiling back at her, able to get somewhat familiar with her warmth. "I hope I'm not intruding. Childe forgot some homework." You say, heaving the short stack up.

"Ajax?" She laughs, shaking her head in disbelief. "I can't believe he's going by that now. I wonder when this phase will be over. He may act tough but he's such a softie, has the biggest heart."

You, in between concealed emotions and giggles that threaten to leak, try to hide the oncoming grin but it's impossible. "Well he's got you to thank for it."

"You flatter me too much Y/N," She fixes the up do, pinning back the blonde hair that deftly frame her familiar cerulean eyes. "I can see why he can't stop talking about you."

Her words make you waver momentarily. The fondness you've refused to share, the drawn out stares in the halls, the lingering touches, you don't want to acknowledge it but it's there. Whatever it is.

"I'm so sorry for cutting this short dear," His mother sighs, grabbing her keys off the counter and placing her wallet in an elegant handbag. "My niece is getting married and we're already late. I told Ajax I'd stay if he didn't feel too well but he said he could handle a headache. That boy, I swear, always tries to power through."

You nod in understanding, but wait a minute. A headache?

Scrunching up your face, eyebrows furrowed, you ask. "Headache?"

She frowns, applying another layer of her rouge lipstick hastily in a nearby mirror. "I know dear, how unfortunate. The school nurse said it's a migraine, and I shouldn't fret much, but a mother can't help but worry. If only he weren't so stubborn, like his father."

As if on cue, a loud honk comes from outside.

"That must be him!" She exclaims, hurriedly sliding in her heels, turning back to look at your awkward figure. "Ajax is in his room, it's the second door to the right upstairs. I've made some lasagna for the kids, you ought to have some as well, I'll be upset if you don't—" Another annoying honk cuts her off, to which she scoffs, shaking a fist. "That old man, I'll strangle him in his sleep. I must be going now, goodbye dear." She reveals a twinkling smile at you one last time, waving a slim hand before picking up her heels and making a run for it.

The door closes with an unceremonious thud, gust of wind in its trail, leaving a bewildered high schooler in its wake.

Snapping out of your haze, overwhelming tides threaten to drown you whole. Being in Childe's home, alone, with him a handful of stair steps and a wall or two away, your cheeks are set ablaze.

Now that his mother's gone, you take a second to really look. There are a few toys littered in front of the TV, home covered in with soft throws and coordinated cushions, a lazy sectional plopped right in the middle. The marks on the furniture with all the stories, the light hued mismatched frames hanging on the walls and on all the table, so many pictures of those that resemble him, his brothers, his sisters, his family. You can almost hear the echoing laughter in the halls, the childish squeals and pitter patter of tiny feet slapping the hardwood floor.

This is where he grew up. This is where he retires to after a long day full of gratifying fistfights. This is where he was raised to be who he is today, ambitious and reckless, with the absurd dream to one day rule the world. This is his home.

It's...like being wrapped in blanket, safe and cozy, surrounded by all the love in the world.

Absentmindedly, your fingers trace the outlines of a younger Childe, two missing teeth and eyes full of dreams, hugging the side of his father's shoulder because his small arms can't wrap around them. Not just yet.

You make your way over to the staircase, which has even more frames littered across the wall, one that falls short of hiding the marks of a green crayon—another slice of domesticity you aren't quite accustomed to.

The reality sets in, and you come to a conclusion. This home is definitely not an environment for growing psychopaths, Childe just beats the odds like he beats up kids on the daily.

Your fist hovers over his door as you contemplate abandoning the sheets on a nearby table, but his mother was so sweet and polite, so incredibly hospitable, you wouldn't have the heart to make a run for it.

"I can see why he can't stop talking about you."

Three consecutive knocks. If he doesn't answer, you'll leave them at the door.

"Mama," Childe's muffled groans stem from the other side, and oh, you want to revel in the grave undertone of his voice because it's certainly not a common occurrence. "I told you I'm fine. You can go okay? I don't want you to be late, just need to sleep it off."

You blink, lips curling, and then knock again.

"Mama," He whines again, and it has you grinning mischievously. He's a mommy's boy, he has to be. The thought envelopes your heart with a newfound fondness. "Just come in and hurry."

You eagerly take in the room once you slip in, eyes scanning over every little detail, until they zero in on the heap of sheets smack dab on the single bed, a pair of feet dangling off the edge, topped with a comforter thrown over leisurely.

Childe's facing away from you, head dipped in between his shoulders, probably trying to find a position that's more comfortable. He's shivering, sweating at the same time. His mother must've been too preoccupied to notice. This isn't the first time he's used his exceptional bullshitting finesse.

"I can't believe you lied to your mother," You cross your arms, leaning back against the door.

With a jerk, Childe flings into a sitting up position, wide awake and aware of everything that is going on, a stark contrast from nearly seconds ago.

He blinks at you in shock, once, twice, rubs his eyes a bit, relaxes, then leans back, out of it completely. "For a sleep paralysis monster, you sure are kind of cute."

"For and idiot you sure are an idiot." You snort back.

"Wait a minute," He mutters slowly, jaw dropping. "You're actually here?!"

Ignoring his question, you opt to slap the papers on his desk to ignore your clammy palms. "Homework."

"And here I thought you came here all this way to be my personal nurse." He smirks, recovering from his momentary shock fairly swiftly. Doesn't refrain from giving you that shit stain of a bad boy grin, even with a flushed face and concavity under his eyes.

"I can be your personal mortician instead."

"I didn't know you were into role play babe, but I'll take what I can get." He winks, but is punished by a sequence of coughs that earn a wince from you.

"Headache?" You tease after he quiets down, but he remains as cavalier as always.

He sighs, sides of his lips still arched upwards. "My parents barely have any time to themselves, it's so hectic with the kids. What kind of son would I be if I couldn't even give them this?"

He must've threatened Barbara.

"You're," You inhale, briefly letting the silence hang between you two, mulling over what you wish to convey. sweet.

"Irresistible? Hot? Sexy?" He starts casual, arrogant smirk widening.

"Kind of not a complete asshole, is what I was going to say."

"Careful girlie," He narrows his eyes on you, playful lilt in his tone. The comforter is allowed to slip past his shoulders to reveal the goods that lie underneath, the complete naked chest of a post-puberty highschool boy who sprays too much axe. Full pectorals are something to pay for, stringed with smooth muscles that ripple their way over his toned shoulders. "If you keep teasing me like this, I can't promise I'll be the nice guy."

"One more time from the top," You bite back, avoiding staring at him for too long. "Without the congested nose this time."

With great expertise, he weakly throws a pillow at you, and you watch it exceptionally land at your feet, barely grazing the tips of your socks.

"Impressive," You whistle, not impressed.

He pouts, shivers, then is dunking his head back into the welcoming embrace of his plush collection of pillows.

With a sigh, you plop down on his chair, grab a pen and begin calculating derivatives.

"What're you doing?" He doesn't even turn your way, voice muffled.

"Homework," You reply nonchalantly, trying to calm your nerves. "unless you want me to get you something to eat, considering you puked out your gogurt on Barbara's shoes earlier. Congrats by the way, you're hit listed by her fan club."

"Why are you doing homework?" He groans, rolling off to the side and kicking off the blanket to expose himself in nothing but a pair of boxers. "I'm literally right here, naked and defenseless. Why aren't you taking advantage of me?"

He really has an IQ below room temperature.

Burying the formidable obligation to clock him in the face on behalf of society, you slowly get up to approach his bed, to which he grins widely in disbelief.

Apprehensively, you climb onto his bed, and he scoots over, excitement as clear as day. His hair's a wild mess from all the shifting, almost makes you want to card a hand through it. Your heart nestles it's way in your throat at the sight of his blazing blue eyes.

You pity him for what you're about to do.

"Relax Childe," You lean over him with confidence you never knew you had to begin with, face hovering inches before his. Your fists strategically grip the comforter on either side of him. "We have all day after all."

Although you attempt to pay no heed to his quivering hand that snakes up to find solace on your hip, you momentarily shiver at the tenderness.

He's eating this up and leaving no crumbs. Closing his eyes in anticipation, his lips tremble when he tries to close in the distance.

Abruptly, you cross both handfuls of sheets over his body, tying them securely in place to keep him docile. He struggles in your grip, eyes snapping open in surprise. "Wuh-What."

"Did you really think you had a chance?" You cross your arms, stepping back to get a good look at your handiwork.

"Honestly?" Childe huffs, struggles some in his restraints. "I wasn't really thinking."

"Typical," You scrunch your nose up, unscrunch, and then exhale. "You stay here and I'll go make you some soup. Well, not that you can really move but you get the idea."

"You're really going to leave me here like this?" He pouts cutely, melting you, and the sick bastard knows of his power.

"Relax," You wave a hand, "I may be evil but I'm not Scaramouche."

Meanwhile, Scaramouche sneezes as he tries to ask Mona out, falling straight on his ass from the kick back, making a complete fool out of himself. Mona doesn't mind though, finds it endearing.

Back at Childe's room, he raises a brow, expectant.

Going through the five stages of grief, you do something you've been wanting to do for a while, succumbing to the immense feeling.

Closing in the distance between you two, you suck in a breath and gently tilt Childe's head to the side. He blinks quickly, not quite expecting your sudden forwardness, about to say something that doesn't matter as soon as you place a tender peck on the side of his cheek.

Time stops, the world coming to a halt completely. A moment made in history, one you won't ever forget, fresh in both your minds from forward on.

And then you stagger away as if you've been stabbed.

"Soup!" You squeak, appalled by the sheer boldness of your actions. "I'll go make soup while you rest."

Childe, frozen, stares at you incredibly confused, and then beams.

Dear Archons, what have you done.

#genshin impact #genshin impact oneshot #childe x reader #childe #fanfic #genshin oneshot #kaeya alberich #dottore #genshin tartagalia #tartagila #lumine genshin impact #mona genshin impact #aether #barbara genshin impact #ajax x reader

[goldentournesol]

Twin Flames

(Spencer Reid x Reader)

The one where Reader deals with the aftermath of Maeve while she struggles with her intense feelings for Spencer.

Length: 4.3k

A/N: lots of angst...like lots of it. Big thanks to @hopefulfangirl24​ for requesting. i totally broke my own heart writing this. ENJOY!

masterlist

Sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go, it's starting over. -Nicole Sobon

Starting over.

What did starting over even look like for Spencer? Will the dread and guilt ever stop washing over him as the sun melts into the horizon and the moon takes its place? 

It was starting to feel like he could never move on from the pain of losing Maeve. Day and night, he stared at the four walls of his apartment wondering what could have been if he had said something different. He wondered if the outcome would be the same. He wondered whether fate had ever been kind to him in at least one of the infinite universes that might exist, giving him the ending he so desperately wanted. After so many years, Spencer finally allowed himself to be brave enough to fall in love and oh how he wished he regretted it, but falling in love was anything but regrettable. Falling in love meant being vulnerable, and he knew that, but he didn’t know just how much it would hurt. The purity of Spencer’s soul allowed him to love so deeply, so intensely, and with all his heart which made it all the more easy to hurt so deeply and so intensely.

He yearned to become unfamiliar with the feeling of heaviness. Everything was so heavy, his heart, his stomach, his tears. Each of them weighing on him like anvils that he couldn’t lift no matter how hard he tried. In theory, he knew the anvils could be lifted with help from others, but that was too much of a strenuous task to tackle right now. He’ll handle the anvils all on his own for now. 

The world seemed eerily desolate and Spencer couldn’t seem to remember what it looked like before it turned into the dull, washed out version he became acquainted with now. Penelope had tried to add some color back into his life, but her actions were futile against the monstrosity of grief. The entire team had tried to reach out and while he appreciated the gestures, he had no capacity for anything other than the agony that consumed him. 

Derek left what seemed like a thousand messages on his phone, but he still checked to see who called every time his phone rang. Which is exactly why it was unprecedented to see a different name pop up at the sound of his ringtone in the middle of the day. A name which belonged to a person he’d held very dear for so long. They haven’t spoken in months, maybe a year and if Spencer’s mind wasn’t currently overcrowded with thoughts, he’d definitely be able to recall the exact amount of time between speaking to her last and now. Why is she calling him now? What if something was wrong? Did she know about what happened? No, how would she find out? His curiosity had possessed his body, making him answer the call.

“Y/N?” He croaked, clearing his throat, having not used his voice in days.

“Spencer! How’s my favorite genius doing? I didn’t know if you’d changed your number or something, but I’d just thought I’d call anyway! Are you at work? Sorry, I can call you back later if-” She shouted excitedly into the phone, but Spencer was quick to end her worries.

“No, no. I’m not at work.” Spencer said curtly.

“Oh, is everything alright?” She asked, concerned. She could tell by the tone of his voice that something was not right.

“Did Garcia put you up to this?” Spencer deflected defensively. 

He knew Garcia was aware that Y/N was the only person he’d never turn away from. Not after all they’d been through. She was the one person who never left his side. She and Spencer were undeniably connected by some sort of un-explainable, otherworldly force. Call them soulmates, twin flames, mirror souls--whatever. That was what they were. It didn’t matter to them if they were romantically involved or not, the connection between them had surpassed the simple stages of romance. Spencer often found himself wondering what could have been if he’d never left Vegas. If he’d never left her.

“Garcia? The tech analyst? No, why? Spencer, did something happen?” She recalled meeting the eccentric woman when she visited Spencer in Quantico a few years back. 

Spencer’s brow furrowed and his mouth spoke before his brain could tell it not to, “Then why are you calling me?” He spat impatiently, pinching the bridge of his nose, already wishing he didn’t have to prolong the conversation.

Y/N was taken aback through the phone at his retort but her heart ached for him, knowing that something dreadful must have happened for him to act so out of character, but she took the phone off her ear to check if she had dialed the correct number anyway. She had.

“I just wanted to catch up with you. Is this about not calling you recently? I’m sorry, Spencer, I got caught up with work and I moved into a new apartment, and things have just been really hectic lately. Are you okay?” She worried through the phone and Spencer could practically feel her disquietude seeping from the speaker.

“So, you really don’t know…?” Spencer trailed off, already feeling the guilt bubble up in his chest, still avoiding the question. He didn’t even know what okay meant anymore.

“Know what, Spence? Oh God, is Diana okay?!” She shrieked, her mind snapping to the worst case scenario.

Her genuine reaction had made Spencer ease the frown that had been permanently etched onto his features for days. It wasn’t a smile yet, but it was something. She and his mother had always shared a bond that he never really understood, even as an adult. That was how compassionate she was, she was able to instantly connect with people and she would do it so well. It used to baffle Spencer when they were children, but perhaps that’s what drew her to him. Their souls were tied together with an invisible string.

She heard him release a huff and some shuffling was heard from his side, “My mom is fine.”

She let out a sigh of relief, “So, what’s going on?”

He paused, debating whether or not to tell her. She sighed again, knowing it must have been something terrible if he wasn’t willing to talk about it.

“Spencer?” She called softly when he fell silent. She was already browsing for plane tickets from Las Vegas to DC.

“I...I couldn’t do it, Y/N. I couldn’t save her.” He sniffled into the phone and her heart had practically escaped from its place in her chest and landed in the pits of her stomach. Her arms and shoulders were immediately overtaken with chills. She didn’t know who he was referring to, but the dread set in quicker than she imagined. She could tell this was bad, even for Spencer and his line of work. Whatever happened had ripped him to shreds and she was not about to sit idly in Vegas.

Two days later, she struggled to haul a small suitcase out of the cab she took from the airport to Spencer’s apartment complex. The flight was way more exhausting than it should have been. She placed the suitcase on the ground with a huff and spotted two blonde women descending from the stairs that led to Spencer’s apartment as she neared the entrance. She quickly recognized them as Spencer’s beloved coworkers, Garcia and JJ. Garcia’s eyes found hers and let out a surprised gasp.

“Hey, I know you! You’re Spencer’s friend--from Vegas! Y/N, right?” Garcia announced as Y/N entered the building, stopping right before the stairs.

“Hi, Penelope.” Y/N said expectantly with a playful smile. Garcia was pleasantly surprised when she remembered who she was and pulled her into a warm embrace.

“Hi, JJ.” she smiled as she gave her a hug, “Any luck with Spencer?”

The two women shared a look and sighed deeply.

“No, he hasn’t even spoken to us through the door.” JJ said with a heavy heart before she continued, “How did you know? Did he call you?”

Y/N shook her head, “No, I called him.”

“And he picked up?!” Garcia exclaimed, eliciting a half-laugh from Y/N.

“Yeah, he did. I don’t know how it happened, I just, you know when you get a feeling like in the pit of your stomach? It felt like he needed me all of a sudden--sorry, that sounds so weird.” She apologized, shaking her head slightly.

“No, it’s okay. Maybe you can get through to him. We’re all really worried about him.” JJ explained and Y/N nodded.

“I still don’t really know what happened, was it...that bad?” Y/N felt silly for asking. The two shared another look. A look that held so much shared trauma and empathy for their friend. Y/N’s heart sank as she let out a shuddered breath at their silent reaction. She glanced up at the stairs helplessly, wondering if she was strong enough to help him through the turmoil he’s experiencing.

“He’s refused to see anyone for the past two weeks, please let us know if anything changes.” Garcia pleaded and they proceeded to exchange numbers to keep in touch. Y/N nodded and smiled gratefully at them before making her way up the stairs and facing Spencer’s door. 

She took a deep breath before knocking. Spencer held back a groan as he dropped his copy of The Narrative of John Smith into his lap, bringing his hands to his face in an act of exhaustion. He wanted to scream at them to leave him alone, but he simply didn’t have the energy to do so. He’d settle on ignoring them for now. The knocking carried on, but it was paired with a gentle voice that Spencer knew all too well. JJ and Garcia watched from the bottom of the steps, bouncing with anticipation.

“Spencer? It’s Y/N. Can you please open up?” She called through the wooden door. 

Spencer froze in his place. Was he finally asleep and dreaming? Did she really come all this way for him or was he imagining it? Was fate finally giving him a taste of kindness? A kindness he so desperately wished for? He suddenly retreated into the darkest corner of his mind, the dark place which never failed to remind him on an hourly basis just how unworthy of love he really was. Not hers, not Maeve’s, not anyone’s. His thoughts were interrupted yet again by another insistent knock. It sounded too clear to be a figment of his imagination. He forced himself up from his place on the couch and made his way to the door. She heard shuffling from the other side and bit her lip. JJ and Garcia made a move to leave before they heard the sound of the door opening. They shared an excited look, not even caring that they were almost half an hour late to work at this point.

Spencer’s sullen eyes found her bright ones immediately. She gave him a soft smile and he swore the world around him withered away slightly.

“Hey, genius.” She spoke with her signature tenderness and Spencer didn’t hesitate to engulf her in a long awaited embrace. She let out a breath at the sudden force but welcomed him into her arms anyway. JJ and Garcia grinned at each other, a newfound wave of relief hitting the both of them. They left for work, grins of relief never leaving their faces.

“You’re....you’re here? You’re really here?” Spencer mumbled as he stuffed his face into her neck, her presence filling him with a sense of familiarity, one he so hopelessly craved.

She nodded into his shoulder, squeezing him impossibly tighter, “Yeah, Spence, I’m right here.” 

She felt his chest expand against hers and he released a deep, heavy sigh. He suddenly felt a sense of security wash over him, his arms tightened around her waist, lifting her off the ground slightly as he squeezed his eyes shut, hoping to relish in her warm embrace for just a few moments longer. Relief flooded his chest, and he felt like he could breathe again. He was inexplicably glad that the first thing he could breathe in again was the smell of her perfume. He vouched to never allow himself to forget the level of comfort she brought again. Spencer momentarily forgot about his sorrows in her arms, but the agony was far too unforgiving and the moment of bliss didn’t last. His chest clenched again as he set her down and pulled away from her.

“Y-you didn’t have to come all the way out here.” He frowned, struggling to hold himself together in front of her.

“Stop that, you know I’d drop everything in a heartbeat for you.” She attempted to smile despite her eyes welling up with tears at the sight of his suffering. He nodded and they both stepped into his apartment, her dragging her suitcase in with her.

“You came from the airport?” He said with a small voice as he saw her pull the bag in. He had expected her to stop by whichever hotel she booked a room at first.

“Yeah, I came as soon as I landed. I needed to see you first.” She said, pulling him to his couch by the hand, careful not to step on any of the books that lay on the floor.

“Do you…” he paused, swallowing his tears, “do you have to stay at the hotel?”

“No, Spence, I don’t have to. I can stay here if you want.” She gently stroked her thumb across his knuckles.

“Please? Please...stay?” His voice cracked and suddenly his face scrunched up in an attempt to suppress a sob, but to no avail. 

A heartbreaking sob escaped from his lips and she wrapped herself around him without a second thought. Cooing at him lovingly and rubbing his back, reminding him every so often that she was right there. Once the floodgates had opened, they had no idea when they would stop. She held his shaking body tightly to hers as if she could somehow absorb some of the pain he felt and tried not to let any of her own tears fall onto him. It broke her heart to see him so saddened. 

She pressed kisses to the side of his head as he calmed down, threading her fingers through his messy, tangled hair. Spencer’s ear was now resting against her heartbeat, he focused on the steady sound and he felt his eyes droop with the exhaustion of days without sleep. She smiled slightly and soon fell asleep, making up for the sleep she missed on the flight over.

Hours later, they awoke and moved around the apartment in silence. Or rather she moved in silence while he stayed on the couch, looking for anything to drown out his sorrows. She focused on making him a balanced breakfast, despite the fact that it was almost 3 pm. 

“Spencer? Come eat. I made coffee, too.” She called out, already eating off her plate. She hoped she wouldn’t have to physically drag him off the couch. She smiled when she heard him drag his feet all the way to the kitchen. They ate together in silence, although Spencer was thankful for the warm food.

“Do you know why I joined the FBI?” He asked after a while. She stared at him curiously and he continued, “I joined the FBI to protect people. That’s the whole point of the job. I wanted to protect her, I wanted to save her, and I failed. I failed, Y/N. What’s the point of me being an FBI agent if I can’t even protect the ones I love?” He ranted as he looked at her for answers.

“What is the point of loving anyone if I can’t protect them?” He frowned, tears pooling on the inside of his eyes. She frowned in response, clutching the cup of coffee tight between her hands.

“Do you want to start from the beginning?” She offered and he quickly realized she had no idea who he was talking about.

“Her name is...was Maeve. She was the geneticist who helped me get rid of my migraines. I sent her my brain scan and she was the only one who actually helped. I never actually met her, though, all our communication happened through payphones or letters because she had a stalker. She didn’t know who they were, just that they were dangerous. I’d call her every Sunday and we’d just...talk. We sent letters under pseudonyms. It was nice. It was more than nice, actually. It was the first time I ever felt appreciated for who I am, I didn’t have to worry about her judging the way I looked. I-I fell in love with her before I even saw her. We planned a date, finally, but I sent her home because I thought I saw her stalker. So stupid. I was so stupid. I was so paranoid, Y/N. Good things just don’t happen to Spencer Reid, I should have known.” He paused, shaking his head and holding back tears.

“Anyway, she was abducted by her stalker. We thought it was her fiance at first, but it wasn’t. It was his girlfriend...Diane.” He shuddered as the name left his lips. “She was a grad student at the university Maeve taught at and she rejected her thesis. Can you believe that? I lost the one good thing I had over a thesis?” He laughed bitterly, tears streaming down his face. It was deeper than that, but he didn’t care to explain. 

“I only got 2,412 hours of communication with her. Even though I remember every word, it’ll never be enough.” He aggressively wiped at his cheeks. “I told Diane I’d die for her...for Maeve. I meant it, too. I would have died for her!” He slammed a frustrated hand on the table, shaking the tableware. 

“Apparently that was the worst possible thing to say because it set her off. She...she shot herself in the head and the bullet...the b-bullet--” He cut himself off with a sob, unable to finish the sentence, the grief hitting him like it was a tsunami and he was an unsuspecting beach town.

“It’s okay. It’s okay.” She repeated as she rushed to crouch down in front of him, taking both his hands. She kissed his knuckles before wiping her own tears. 

What kind of world did they live in where they had to worry about tragedies like this? She suddenly had a brewing hatred for the world around her. How could it let something so terrible happen to someone so good. Spencer Reid was good, and he deserves nothing but good things in his life. As much as the story pained her, she couldn’t begin to imagine the pain he was feeling. 

“I know you blame yourself, Spence. It’s gonna be hard not to at first. But you have to understand that none of this is your fault. You didn’t pull that trigger. She did. I’m so sorry, Spence. I’m so, so sorry. This should have never happened to you, or to anyone. The pain is gonna suck, grief is not easy, but you don’t have to go through it alone. You know that right?” She spoke softly, trying as hard as she could to keep her voice steady for him. He looked at her and saw the truth in her eyes. He nodded ever so slightly and sniffled.

“I know.” He squeezed her hands once and she smiled reassuringly. Her smile made him feel a little bit better. He didn’t want the team’s help, they’d all just treat him like a wounded puppy. She was so unconditionally compassionate and loving, he never wanted to stray far from her again. She got up from her crouched position and pulled him to stand with her. She wrapped her arms around his back and leaned into his chest. He squeezed her tighter, tears soaking into her shirt once again. “Thank you.” He muttered. She nodded. “How long are you staying?” His heart clenched, not wanting to see her go.

“I’ll be here for as long as you need, love.” She rubbed circles across his back. He pulled away to face her.

“What about your job?” He frowned, wiping a hand over his face.

“Don’t worry about that, I’ve got lots of vacation days saved up.” She reassured, “Besides, I’d rather be here with you than at that stupid job anyway.” She rolled her eyes, thinking of her impossible boss. Spencer suppressed a smile.

“Wait, you’re still working for--”

“Yup, same asshole.” She laughed and Spencer smiled. 

He smiled! 

He remembered all the times she would complain about her horrible boss over the phone.

“So, you said you moved?” Spencer asked, leading her back to the couch.

“Yeah, I really hated my old apartment.” Spencer nodded, “I’m really sorry for not calling you. I missed you so much and I thought about you practically every day...it’s just, you know, it’s easy to get caught up in all the little things.” She apologized, feeling guilty.

“It’s just as much my fault, I haven’t called either. And...I missed you too.” Spencer said.

“It’s alright, we’ve both been busy.” She smiled at him.

“You would have loved her.” Spencer trailed off, frowning. She let out a sigh.

“I’m sure I would have, Spence.” She mirrored his frown.

“She reminded me of you in a lot of ways now that I think about it. She was kind and compassionate. She was funny, she liked to make puns and she was good with words.” He reminisced sadly. All she could do was smile halfheartedly. On one hand, she was glad he got to experience such a love, but on the other, she found herself fighting off a feeling of jealousy.

“I never thought I’d get over you.” He admitted, fidgeting with his hands and avoiding her gaze, yet he said it as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Spencer had already bared his soul to her, what was this one confession in the grand scheme of things?

“What?” She whispered, completely caught off guard. He glanced at her to see her shocked face.

“What? Don’t act like you didn’t know.” He scoffed lightly. He was right, she always suspected his feelings for her but she never wanted to entertain the idea of it in case she was wrong. She’d been hurt so many times that she didn’t even want to think about being hurt by the one person she’d loved more than anyone else.

She loved Spencer. She knew that. There was no doubt in her mind. They were twin flames. They danced around each other and separated, but never burnt out.

“In fact, I don’t think I could ever get over you, Y/N. I’ve always loved you.” He spoke quietly. “You don’t have to say anything right now, I’m not expecting you to. I think I’m so upset over Maeve because, of course, I loved her, but in so many ways she reminded me of you. And if I can’t protect her, then I can’t protect you.” 

“I, um, I don’t know what to say.” She stammered. She knew he was overwhelmed with emotion so she tried not to take his words too literally. But the confession hit her like a truck. She didn’t know what to do. He’s mourning the loss of his girlfriend, it would be completely selfish for her to take advantage of his feelings. It’s not like he was asking anything of her, he was just hanging it all out to dry. He was so vulnerable right now, she couldn’t act upon her own feelings. They both knew that.

She felt her throat run dry at all the words she wanted to say, but she settled on, “We should talk about this later, Spence.” 

He gave her a half smile and nodded, the numbness setting in.

The next few days blurred into each other. They consisted of Y/N cleaning up around the apartment, making food, doing laundry. Spencer was doing his best to help her out, but he found too much comfort inside the walls he built for himself. She didn’t push him to do anything he didn’t want to do. She’d convinced him to leave the house twice, both times going for a walk in the sunlight. She made sure he brushed his hair and shaved his face. Honestly without her, he’d probably still be stuck in his spot on the couch. She updated his coworkers daily, letting them know that he was doing better. She even held him at night when he cried for the love that was ripped too soon from him. 

“Y/N?” Spencer called one morning as he walked in on her in the kitchen.

“Yeah?” She turned away from the coffee machine to face him. She still looked as beautiful  as ever even under the light coming from his dodgy kitchen window.

“I just want to thank you. For all you’ve done for me. It couldn’t have been easy for you.” He smiled shyly. She smiled brightly at him, moving closer to wrap her arms around him tightly.

“You don’t have to thank me. You would have done the same for me.” She looked up at him and into his honey colored eyes. The eyes that have shed buckets worth of tears in the past few days.

“Yeah, I would have.” He joked, finally feeling like himself again, resting his hands on her waist. “I meant what I said, by the way.”

She nodded, “I know. But we’re not in any rush, are we? I’d wait for you forever if I had to, Spencer Reid.”

And he wouldn’t have to worry, because twin flames always find each other.

#spencer x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid angst #spencer reid masterlist #dr spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid x maeve #spencer reid x reader #soencer reid imagine #spencer reid oneshot

[theasstour]

𝐅𝐈𝐂 𝐏𝐀𝐆𝐄 | 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 𝟐𝟎.𝟐𝐤 𝐍𝐁: 𝐚𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐨𝐥, 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐭 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡, 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭

A/N: Thank you so incredibly much to each one of you angels who voted for ST in the 1D Craft Awards 🥺 You continue to take my breath away with all your kindness, support and love 🐚🌊✨ ENJOYYY CHAPTER 7! x

Saturday, 25 July

The phone vibrated against the wooden table, jolting Y/N out of her focus. She blinked a few times, looking over at Fatima who turned the timer off and looked at Y/N with expectant eyes. Y/N shook her head and Fatima’s face visibly fell.

“What you mean?”

“I didn’t finish, did I?” Y/N groaned, running her hands over her face, hiding it from view for a few seconds before she sat back in her chair and looked at her laptop in front of her. The two were sitting at Olive’s Café on Island Square, seated on lime green chairs outside, the morning sun beating down on them as each of them tried to do work; Fatima looking through the curriculum she was going to teach this coming year, and Y/N doing her UCAT work. Fatima was a teacher for fourth graders, so she knew how to make things easy to understand, how to pull things apart and study properly. When Fatima had suggested that the two of them take a day together to just study, Y/N had jumped at the opportunity. Now, they had met to do exactly this a few days in a row and Y/N was really starting to feel the effects.

The thought of the UCAT exam coming closer and closer made her want to hurl. September 10th didn’t seem that far away anymore, something that absolutely terrified Y/N. Not only did she need to be out of St Ives by then, leaving her entire life and friends here behind, but she didn’t know where she’d even be. Would she even have enough money? Would she still be in Cornwall? Would she have crawled with her tail between her legs back to Winchester, asking for forgiveness for leaving them all behind?

Fatima pursed her lips, tapping her pen against the top of Y/N’s laptop. “Is it ‘cause you’re stressing too much?”

“Probs.”

“It’s hard not to when it’s important to you.”

Y/N sighed heavily, nodding her head in agreement. “This practice exam… well, it was hard.”

“They usually are, the practice exams,” Fatima explained. “Not necessarily so to scare you, more so that you’ll be aware that this will be hard, but the actual exam isn’t that bad. They never are.”

Y/N gave Fatima a little smile. “Taken the UCAT before?”

“Obvs, I’m the smartest bitch in all of the UK, if not Europe.”

Y/N laughed, quickly sighing again as she looked down at her laptop again. This was the first practice exam she had ever taken; Fatima had timed her to see if she’d make it in the estimated time it took to complete the UCAT, but Y/N hadn’t managed to. She supposed she still had a lot of time to study and prepare herself, but it still made her feel like all her studying had been for absolutely nothing. One failure, even if it didn’t mean much in the grand scheme of things, always seemed like the most important thing in the world. How had the world not shifted? How was not everyone around her crying like she felt she should be doing?

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Y/N. I promise you’ll be fine.”

She nodded, knowing deep down that Fatima was right. The universe would balance itself out eventually, everything would be alright in the end even if her current world was crumbling right before her eyes. Maybe she was just being dramatic, maybe it wasn’t that deep and she had just not been focused enough, but Y/N felt like giving up now.

“When I feel like I’m failing at life,” Fatima started, sitting up a bit straighter in her seat. “I pick up a pillow and I just scream into it.”

Y/N blinked.

Fatima grinned.

“You just scream? How?”

“Just like you’d normally scream,” Fatima chuckled, demonstrating by pretending to pick up a pillow, burying her face in it, and silently screaming. “And after that, I feel better.”

“Like a proper scream?”

“Like you’re being chased down the street by a man in a clown costume holding an axe.”

Y/N smiled, shaking her head some. “I’ll do that when I get back to the Inn. Immediately.”

Fatima laughed just as someone came up beside them, asking the man sitting beside them if the chair opposite him was taken. When the tiny, short-haired blonde sat down beside them, she beamed from ear to ear. There was something about Ellie’s presence that just made everything better. She was so round, so small, so joyous all the time that it felt wrong to be in a sulky mood when she was around.

“I heard you’re studying,” Ellie said, perching her yellow sunglasses on the top of her head. “And by the looks of it-“ Ellie mimicked what Fatima had just done with the scream. “-It’s not going so well.”

“Y/N’s studying for that dentist test and she tried one of them practice exams, didn’t go so well.”

“Aww.” Ellie pouted. “I’ll buy you a cupcake to cheer you up. I always eat tons when I’m sad, especially sweets. Especially, especially cupcakes.”

“Thanks for the offer, but-“

“-Ima, you want a cupcake as well?” Ellie put her purse down on her chair as she got up, holding onto her card. “Or a new iced latte?”

Fatima brought a hand to her chin, pretending to think about it, making exaggerated thinking noises till Ellie blurted a “today!” that made Fatima chuckle and say, “Both please, babe.”

Ellie smiled. “Girls, you know what I think we should do after this?” She waited for a few seconds for either of them to say something, but when they didn’t Ellie went on. “Go to the beach! You can’t be sad when you’re at the beach! We’ll sunbathe, have a bit of a swim, and then go for a Cheeky V at the pub after.”

Fatima smiled a little, looking at Y/N to see if she’d be into that.

Though all Y/N wanted to do was go back to the Inn and scream into her pillow, she smiled up at Ellie. “Yeah, why not? Have a bit of a girls day.”

“Oh, my gosh, that’s exactly what it is as well,” Ellie gasped, grinning from ear to ear. “BRB, ladies, I’m getting us something sweet.” Ellie was off into Olive’s Café greeting an acquaintance loudly before she went over to talk to them. Fatima only shook her head some, turning back to the book in front of her.

“You’ll figure it out, Y/N.”

“The UCAT?” she asked, looking at her laptop again, feeling her stomach drop at the sight of the practice exam again.

“Everything,” Fatima answered with so much conviction that for a moment, Y/N almost believed her.

“Alright, crew,” Dax called as they pulled into the farm, its lush and green landscape opening up around them. “Just warning you now, I’m gonna absolutely crush you tonight. I go for the title of champion even if it means I’m gonna have to lose some friends.”

“Sad, that,” Fatima sighed. “Seeing as you’ve never won before, what makes you think you’re gonna win this year?”

Amir turned to look at them from where he sat shotgun. “Dax, you may try to win, but we all know the former singer and frontman of Astronaut Lions will go home champion tonight.”

“You are a terrible singer, Amir. Dunno why we let you even sing,” Jo groaned.

“’Cause I’ve got a silky-smooth, delicious, fantastic-“

“-Shut up, mate!” Ellie groaned, making Jo laugh and give her a high five.

Harry stopped his van, killing the engine before Dax got up and opened the door for everything in the backseats. Y/N made sure no one could see her bum as she descended from the car, keeping her hands by her buttocks to keep her pleated lilac skirt from showing too much of her skin. She put her purse on her shoulder, letting it hang over her white crop cardigan. Music could be heard from the large barn, some awful singing streamed out from the open entrance as people walked out, laughing and carrying empty plates. The farm was just as beautiful as Y/N remembered it, now smelling of delicious barbeque and sounding of hens, chatter, and the occasional failed high-note. The karaoke night seemed to be under full way, the courtyard brimming with people, the same went for the inside of the barn it seemed.

Y/N, Fatima and Ellie fell into step beside one another as they walked over to the gate, Harry opening it for the rest, gesturing for them to walk in before him. When Y/N reached him last he gave her a little smile, eyes falling to the gravel under his feet.

“Harry!” Grace yelled, running from the grill where Uncle Tim, Jessa, and lolo stood looking at the food. “Harry, Harry, Harry!”

“There she is!” Harry bent down as Grace came running, wrapping his arms around her and spinning her around, her feet dangling in the air.

“Alright, Mr Flores?” Dax asked as he walked up to the grill, putting a hand on lolo’s shoulder. Lolo grinned up at Dax, saying something that Y/N didn’t catch as Amir let out a loud groan hitting his chest with both hands.

“Let’s go! Gonna belt Material Girl in approximately five minutes, everyone come watch to have your life changed!” Amir ran into the barn, shouting something as he met a few familiar faces inside.

“After a few pints he’ll try Gentleman,” Fatima sighed. “Someone should cover Gracie’s ears then.”

“That SL song?” Jo asked. “Nah, he better do Wiley Flow, or else I’m gonna have to challenge him to a rap battle.”

“Amir’s got no chance of keeping up with any of Stormzy’s songs,” Ellie pointed out matter-of-factly, scrunching up her nose. “Anyway,” Ellie stopped Jo before they started talking. “We’re doing Sugababes, yeah? About You Now?”

“Obvs!” Fatima exclaimed, offended that Ellie might’ve thought otherwise. “And Y/N’s joining us.”

“Oh!” Y/N raised her eyebrows, chuckling a little as Fatima wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “It’s been a while since I’ve heard a Sugababes song.”

“They’re immense, aren’t they?” Ellie grinned. “I used to listen to Push The Button on repeat when I was like 12.”

“Was more of a Too Lost in You type of girl,” Y/N said, making Fatima gasp and Ellie bring a hand up to her chest.

“We’re doing Too Lost in You!” Ellie clapped her hands frantically. “Oh, my life! Legendary!”

“Of course,” Fatima smiled. “You wanna sing, yeah?”

“Let me down three ciders and I’ll be good to go.”

Jo laughed, gesturing for Y/N to follow them over to the main house where the four of them helped themselves to something to drink. Y/N glanced out of the kitchen window at the Styles-Flores family where they stood by the grill, sipping her cider. Grace sat on Harry’s shoulders, hands in his hair as she giggled at something. Harry had both his hands wrapped around his little sister’s ankles, holding her in place. Jessa was grinning at the two while Uncle Tim stood talking by the grill, asking lolo if what he was doing was alright, not having grilled this specific type of Filipino dish before. Dax stood chatting to one of Harry’s aunts, if it was Rachel or Abby, Y/N could not for the life of herself remember, but she noticed Harry’s aunt’s kids running around the grill, shouting at one another and laughing.

Y/N had never experienced a dynamic like this before. This family was so welcome, so big, so loving, and it made her happy to just watch them and know that, for a split second in time, she had been part of it. Maybe not a real part of it because this was not her family after all, but she had been touched by their warmth and been their guest for a time being. She would forever be grateful for that. Love tasted like Jessa’s lumpia, radiated like lolo’s approving smile, smelled like Grace’s hair after she had been out plucking wildflowers, and felt like Harry’s arms wrapped around her. Nothing would ever be quite like this.

“Let’s go to the barn,” Ellie said.

“I’ll just go say hi to Jessa,” Y/N announced, giving them all a smile before she walked outside and over to the grill where everyone was standing.

“Y/N!” Jessa exclaimed, opening her arms for her. Y/N grinned, walking over and doing the mano po on both Jessa and lolo. “How have you been? Don’t feel like I’ve seen you in ages.” Jessa swatted Harry’s arm, making him flinch away. “He’s keeping you all to himself, isn’t he?”

“I’ve been busy, nanay!” Harry said, furrowing his brows at his step-mum.

“Karaoke is huge in the Philippines,” Jessa explained, as she linked her arm with Y/N’s bringing her over to the grill where lolo and Tim were standing. “It is an understatement to say that Filipinos love karaoke, I daresay. Almost every Filipino home has a karaoke machine, Harry’s dad bought ours when we first moved here, but we put it out in the barn ‘cause we don’t really use it unless there’s a karaoke night, like tonight.”

“How nice, this is a tradition then? Each summer?”

“Yeah, we have a karaoke barbeque night every summer, everyone’s invited!” Jessa beamed. “It’s a fantastic way to just relax, forget about everything for a little while, belt your heart out to some of your favourite songs.”

Y/N smiled, eyes landing on the grill.

“Alright, Y/N?” Tim asked, smiling at her. “We made some tempeh for you, some Filipino barbeque sauce on it that’s out of this world. Not surprised, though, when Jessa made it.”

“Oh!” Jessa waved her hand as if to dismiss the compliment, but squeezed his shoulder. “I’m excited to see what you think. It was either tempeh or baos, thought you might like this a bit more.”

Y/N took a plate and a fork and watched as Tim put some food on her plate, thanking him once it was done. She picked up the tempeh and blew on it before she took a bite out of it, chewing it thoroughly and smiling at Jessa after swallowing.

“That’s brilliant.”

“Ahh! You think?” Jessa grinned, looking from Tim and back to Y/N, then at lolo. “Amá, Y/N liked the tempeh we made.”

Lolo smiled at Y/N and looked at her plate, nodding slowly. “You have to come and make some food with us once. You are part of the family now; we can show you our secret recipes.”

Y/N chuckled some before swallowing her bite of tempeh. “Wouldn’t say I’m part of the family, but thank you-“

“-Nonsense!” Jessa exclaimed, shaking her head furiously. “You are here, you’re making Harry happy, and since you’ve come to St Ives, the world’s been a brighter place. You’re where you need to be.”

For some reason, Y/N couldn’t quite believe what Jessa was saying. She knew it was coming from a good place, that she meant that it was nice to have Y/N there, but her family was in Winchester, she couldn’t possibly come into a new one and then ruin that one as well. This family she was visiting in St Ives would do just fine without her when she left in August. No one would miss her once she had been gone for a week, that was just a fact. Y/N was so bloody lost, she did not know what to do once her and Harry “broke up”, but she knew she would not disappoint and make any of the people around her sad, she refused.

Instead, Y/N smiled as she took the last bite of the tempeh, chewing and swallowing before she said. “Harry said something about an end of summer party.”

“Yes! I wanted to talk to you about that! Because, on the topic of food,” Jessa smiled back. “If you could give me some of your favourite vegetarian dishes, I’d love to make them for you! It would be amazing for many others to try something new as well.”

“I’d be more than happy to help out,” Y/N said, looking over at Grace as she sat on Dax’s back, the blonde man running around in circles as Harry ran after them, growling and acting like a disformed monster of sorts. She smiled a little at the sight, he looked absolutely ridiculous. How was he still cute? “I’ll bring the veggie food and I’ll show you how to make those, and then you show me how to make some Filipino dishes as well.”

Jessa placed a hand over her heart, beaming at Y/N. “You are an absolute treasure, me lover.”

Y/N smiled, eating some more of the tempeh. “When should I come and help out?”

“Are you free Tuesday?”

“Yeah, I don’t have any plans as of now.”

“Great! Harry will drive you here then. It’ll just be me, amá, Gracie, and Harry, and now you.” Jessa put her hand on Y/N’s arm, squeezing her lovingly before she turned to answer a question Tim asked her about the food he was currently grilling.

Y/N looked in the direction of Harry, Dax and Grace again, now walking towards the house. Jessa must have noticed Y/N staring in their direction because she linked her arm through Y/N’s and the two walked in the direction of the house as well.

“There’s more food inside,” she explained, grinning from ear to ear. “We do grill a lot, but Tim’s not really the best with the grill and he always insists on grilling at these gatherings, I don’t really have the heart to tell him no.” Jessa led Y/N into the dining room where she remembered all the food had been served at Grace’s birthday party. Again, casserole upon casserole stood spread over the dining table, covering it completely. Most of the dishes were all dug into, some almost completely wiped from the casseroles.

“Here,” Jessa said as she led Y/N over to the table. “I made your lumpia, there’s a few other vegetarian options as well.”

The fact that Jessa thought of this, thought of Y/N’s preference and made life a little easier for her, was so greatly appreciated that it nearly brought tears to Y/N’s eyes.

“This is biko,” Jessa explained, pointing to a casserole filled with banana leaves, a brown dish resting in it. “It’s a rice cake made from malagkit, or sticky rice, coconut milk, and brown sugar. Like other rice cakes, it is referred to as kakanin, taken from the word kanin which means rice, and is often eaten as a dessert or meryenda, meaning a mid-afternoon snack.”

“It looks lovely,” Y/N said, reaching for the spoon to get herself a slice before it was all eaten up. “Know we’re probably not set for dessert just yet, but I might just need some.”

Jessa laughed, smiling as Y/N took a bite of the biko. “What do you reckon, darling?”

“Heavenly, Jessa.”

Jessa clapped her hands together in delight, grinning from ear to ear as Y/N went in for another bite. “You have to try the buko pie next.”

“Which one’s that?”

Jessa pointed to a golden pie, not waiting for any sort of reply before cutting Y/N a small piece, placing it on Y/N’s plate. “It’s a sweet and rich pie made from young coconut meat.”

“Oh?”

“Buko pies are mostly sold in southern parts of Luzon in the Philippines. There’s this specific store down there called Collette’s that serves the best buko pie. I will never be able to replicate it, but I will try my hardest, every time I make a buko pie,” Jessa smiled. “We need to take you to Luzon, Y/N, you’d love it. Once we’ve saved up and all that.”

“This is the best buko pie I’ve ever tasted at least,” Y/N said, and Jessa laughed again looking out through the window only to sigh deeply.

“I need to go out there, it seems Tim is struggling and amá cannot be asked to help him out.” Jessa sprinted out, shouting something at Tim that Y/N didn’t catch but by the look on all the relatives standing around and Tim’s face, it couldn’t have been good. Y/N smiled a little, eating the rest of her pie before she realised she heard music. This wasn’t the type streaming out from the barn, this was coming from inside the house. And it was coming from the piano.

Y/N walked into the kitchen and placed her now empty plate on the kitchen counter before walking over to the dining room again, walking over to the doorway leading into the living room. With Grace on his lap, Harry was sitting by the piano, playing a tune Y/N had never heard before. It was both hopeful and very sad, unlike anything Y/N had ever heard before. There was no note sheet in front of him as he played, his eyes were only on the keys in front of him. Grace sometimes leaned forward and pressed a key she wasn’t supposed to, looking up at Harry while she giggled before leaning into him again, listening to the rest of the song.

“Can you play that other one?” Grace asked as Harry continued to play.

“What other one? There are quite a few, Gracie.”

“She means the one about me,” Dax grinned, standing beside the piano with his arms crossed, a massive grin on his face. “Go on, Hazza. Play that one inspired by Sexy Back.”

“Watch your mouth,” Harry hissed through gritted teeth, making his best friend laugh.

“Noooo!” Grace laughed. “The one you wrote after you, me and Y/N went to St Austell. The one about that trip.”

“Ahh, haven’t heard that one before,” Dax said, walking over to sit on the sofa beside the piano, watching the two siblings as they settled in again. Grace pressed one of the keys, looking up at Harry who smiled down at her and shook his head. He took her hand, bringing her finger over to the correct starting note, pressing it down for a long while so she’d get the feel of it. Then, he brought her to the next one, slowly playing the melody out before Grace motioned for Harry to take over for her.

What Harry produced just pressing a couple of keys at just the right moment was so breath-taking that Y/N almost felt dizzy. There was something to this melody that words weren’t ready to properly convey yet, something that was too powerful for a simple human brain to comprehend. Y/N understood why Harry wrote songs now. This melody captured that day perfectly. Her heart knew that melody. It had played that melody itself that day; it had been there with Harry while he came up with it as well.

She was thrown back to walking along St Austell, spending the day in the sunshine with two people that she had come to care so incredibly much for. Thrown back to standing side by side with Harry, talking about music, walking along the market, eating ice cream, laughing till her sides hurt. A lump suddenly appeared in her throat.

“What the fuc-“

“-Dax,” Harry said, stopping immediately. “No.”

“I’ve heard that word before, Harry,” Grace said.

“What, when?!”

“Harry, that was insane,” Dax said, grinning as he stood up from the sofa again. Before Y/N could be noticed, she stepped away from the doorway and walked outside again, feeling every inch of her chest hurting.

“Y/N!” Jo called. “Come in here!” They stood by the grill with a plate filled with food, waving her over so the two of them could walk in together.

She grinned over at Jo as she made her way over, them walking in the direction of the barn together. She waved at people she recognised – Florence from Bessie’s knitting club and Dax’s mum, was one of them. The inside of the barn was decorated with plenty of fairylights, giving the old interior a yellowish and homely glow resembling candlelight. There were small tables and chairs all around so people could sit down to eat, drink, and chat, while a huge screen was positioned by the furthest wall, two microphones attached to what looked to be a high quality karaoke machine of sorts. Jo showed the way and they sat down with the rest, it didn’t take long for Harry, Dax, and Grace to join them. Y/N got out of her chair and tapped Grace on the shoulder.

“Haven’t gotten a hug yet,” Y/N said and Grace jumped off the ground, throwing her arms around Y/N’s neck. She laughed, hugging the little girl to her for a few heavenly seconds before she stepped away. “You look nice today.”

“Nanay told me not to spill anything on it,” Grace said as she gestured at her pink, sparkly dress. “I told her I can’t promise that.”

Y/N chuckled. “You’re doing well so far, I’d say.”

“Thank you!” Grace beamed. “Anyway, Harry’s drinking that drink that makes his breath smell awful.”

“Gracie,” Harry warned from where he now sat beside Ellie, but the little girl did not appear to want to hear what he had to say.

“How can you kiss someone with bad breath, Y/N?” Grace asked and Y/N’s heart dropped at little as she thought about kissing Harry again. How they weren’t going to kiss again. How she wanted to kiss him, but not because they were fake dating. It took everything in Y/N not to look in Harry’s direction, because, judging by his little utterance of his sister’s name before, she knew he must’ve heard this as well.

“You don’t care if they’ve got bad breath if you really want to kiss them,” Y/N answered, giving Grace a smile.

Grace grimaced. “I would never kiss someone if their breath stank.”

“Don’t talk about kissing, you’re seven,” Harry said, sipping his pint.

Y/N raised her eyebrows at Grace and Grace did the same back. At Grace’s instructions, Y/N sat down in her seat so Grace could sit in her lap. Grace watched the people singing intently, sometimes singing along and nodding her head along to the music like she couldn’t help it. It was impossible not to smile at the sight of it, Y/N simply cared for this little creature so much it was hard for her to fully comprehend it. Grace, though young and Harry’s little sister, was the closest thing Y/N had ever come to a sister. They didn’t have a deep connection through thoughtful conversation, but they just understood and went along. There was an emotional and meaningful connection that, though not talked about, had appeared because they enjoyed and appreciated each other’s company.

Grace ran over to a nearby table to get herself some water, leaving Y/N sitting in the chair alone, her lap feeling oddly cold. On the other side of the table, Amir was talking loudly over the karaoke battle that had just begun.

“When I go back up to London for work in two weeks’ time, I feel like I’m just gonna make a right fool of myself, yeah? Normally takes a week for me to turn my weird off after I’ve been home.”

“Gonna be weird when you and Jo are off again,” Ellie said. “Why do you two have to work in London? Why can’t you just stay in St Ives?”

“Bit liberating to leave this place for another one every once in a while, not gonna lie,” Jo admitted, sipping their beer.

“Makes you realise all you’ve missed,” Fatima nodded. “Was the same when I came home for uni breaks, now I’m just really happy I ended up here. Might be underpaid as a teacher, but-“ Fatima shrugged her shoulders. “-I love living and working here, it’s home, after all.”

Y/N hated that she had never experienced that feeling; of coming back to something you had missed. Of coming home.

“Bum that,” Dax said. “I want my mates home at all times! I don’t care you’ve got a job!”

Y/N chuckled, the conversation around them commencing as she looked down at the table, picking at a stain on the table. Grace came back just then, but she didn’t get to sit down before Dax said her name.

“Wanna go up and sing your heart out?”

Grace squealed and took Harry’s hand. Harry downed the rest of his beer and stood up, walking with Grace, Dax, and Amir up to the karaoke machine. Y/N rested her chin in her hand, smiling as she watched the four of them discuss what song to do. It had to be an easy one that Grace already knew, it might be hard to find the correct one. They took some time to decide, but suddenly, the drums to a song Y/N recognised from Harry’s favourite’s playlist started playing. She remembered how Grace really loved that playlist.

“Uptown girl,” Grace sang into the microphone as she perched on Harry’s hip, sharing microphone’s with him. “She’s been living in her uptown world.”

Dax and Amir joined in as well, singing along with Grace who was still unsure of the lyrics but tried to read them as best she could on the screen in front of them. Harry moved them to the music, Dax throwing an arm around Amir’s shoulders as they started singing their hearts out. It was simply impossible not to smile as you watched the four of them, dancing and singing along to Billy Joel’s song.

“God,” Fatima sighed as she scooched her chair closer to Y/N’s. “I wish someone looked at me the way Harry looks at you.”

Y/N halted a little at Fatima’s words, looking in her direction as Amir, Dax, and Grace sang “And now she’s looking for her downtown man, that’s what I am”.

“Pardon?”

Fatima grinned. “Oh, you know-“ She placed her chin in her head, looking off into the distance with exaggerated doe eyes, a dreamy look on her face. For a split second, Y/N’s heart seemed to lurch out of her chest. Harry… Harry looked at her like that? He glanced at her? Surely, Fatima was not being serious and she had simply caught Harry smiling at Grace when she sat in Y/N’s lap.

Y/N laughed. “You’re taking the mick, that’s not how he looks at me.”

“Wouldn’t know, would you? Always happens when you’re not looking.”

“Harry,” Grace said, not even bothering to hold the microphone away as she spoke to him in the middle of the song. “You need to sing, the song’s for Y/N, remember?”

Y/N glanced beyond Fatima and at the group in front of the screen, a rush of adrenaline streaming through her veins. Laughter could be heard throughout the room at Grace’s words, many turning in Y/N’s direction to look at her, all with smiles and curious looks on their faces. At once, Y/N’s face seemed to be too hot for its own good. She bit her bottom lip, continued to watch the gang, ignoring the heat in her cheeks.

Harry seemed to take a deep breath before he started singing with Amir and Dax, both of them doing a miserable job of doing the song any sort of justice. Neither were impressive singers, but Y/N knew Harry was.

“Uptown girl, you know I can’t afford to buy her pearls,” Harry sang, voice so effortlessly breath-taking that Y/N felt like she was doing a pretty good job of imitating the dreamy look Fatima had demonstrated earlier. “But maybe someday when my ship comes in, she’ll understand what kind of guy I’ve been, and then I’ll win.”

Grace joined in then, wrapping her arm around Harry’s shoulder and leaning her head against his. They all continued to sing along to the song, Y/N not paying any sort of attention to the conversation between Fatima, Ellie, and Jo. She watched as the four of them cheered once they were done singing, bowing to the small applause they got before returning to the table.

“I need to go tell nanay!” Grace shouted, running off outside to Jessa and the rest of the family.

Y/N smiled at Harry as he came back, getting a tight-lipped smile back before he picked up his, Dax’s, Amir’s and Jo’s empty beer cans, walking over to get them all a new round. Grace came back with Halo Halo, placing herself on Y/N’s lap as the two ate, talking non-stop. The little one disappeared after a little while, Y/N suspected it was because it was getting rather late. As the night went on, Y/N realised that the only two that would be able to stand by the end of the night were her and Fatima. The others got very drunk, talking loudly about everything insignificant and nothing they would remember in the morning. Harry kept looking at the watch on his wrist, clearly making sure that they got back to his at a good hour so he could report at 3am. When Harry’s speech got a bit more slurred and his eyes a wee hooded, Y/N started looking out for him. Using the time on her phone, she kept an eye out, making sure that Harry returned to his cottage before then so he could sleep off most of his intoxication.

Talking amongst themselves as the rest chatted loudly, Fatima and Y/N agreed that Fatima would be the one to drive everyone home. It would be easier to drop Harry off last as this was his van, and Fatima didn’t live too far away from the lighthouse, the two then decided Y/N would sleep at her place that night, it would be nice just being the two of them. She loved how closed she was getting to Fatima and Ellie. There hadn’t really been a time before when she had made proper good friends, but everyone around that table were currently climbing very fast and very high up on her list of favourite people in the entire world. She genuinely appreciated Fatima’s help with the UCAT reading earlier that week, it had really helped her along, even though the result hadn’t been the best. That was Y/N’s fault though, not Fatima’s teaching skills.

At one point, Dax got all of them up from the table, bringing them over to the screen, telling them over and over again how they needed to do this. Y/N was unsure if they really did, but she didn’t bother telling a very drunk Dax that as he handed out microphones, telling people to share. Y/N scooted up next to Ellie, watching Harry as he put an arm around Jo’s shoulder, patting them as the two of them along with Amir watched Dax search for the song.

“We need to know what song we’re gonna embarrass ourselves to,” Amir exclaimed as Dax was taking his time typing.

“I’m not about to do a Union J song, mate,” Ellie said.

“Alright, I liked one of their songs ten years ago, Ellie!” Dax looked over his shoulder at her, a deep furrow to his brow. “Carry You is a belter!”

“It’s not.”

“Jo, back me up here,” Dax said, turning back to write something into the laptop standing there.

“Dax… don’t make us sing Union J or The Wanted or JLS or anything like that, we don’t need that,” Jo sighed.

“The fact you’re embarrassed about our boyband period in 2013 hurts.” Dax glared at Jo.

“Right, then, what’s the song we’re singing?” Harry shot in, nodding at the laptop again. “We’re just standing here lookin’ stupid now.”

“Looking stupid?” Amir tutted, shaking his head. “Couldn’t be me, mate. Model material, this is. Look like I’m straight off the runway.” He gestured at his body and Fatima feigned throwing up, making the five drunks howl with laughter.

“Ultraviolet, Stiff Dylans.”

Y/N gasped at Dax’s words, bringing her hand up to her chest as the others around just looked at her, afraid something had happened. She grinned at Dax. “That used to be my favourite song!”

This seemed to be shocking news to absolutely everyone.

“What?” Y/N raised her eyebrows. “Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging was revolutionary.”

“Too right,” Harry said. “But… were you…” He blinked a few times. “Were you even allowed to watch it? Not a film I reckon would’ve been allowed in your house.”

Y/N shrugged her shoulders. “What can I say, I used to be a rebel.”

“Yes, Y/N!” Dax grinned, giving Y/N a high five. “Now, bum God Save the Queen, this is Britain’s national anthem! Someone record this, history in the making!”

The familiar music started up and Y/N was taken back to a time when she had a massive crush on Aaron Taylor-Johnson, hiding her obsession with this film from her parents, and listening to this song on repeat. The whole gang started singing, Amir doing a horrible job of keeping up with everyone else, but it was fun to watch him get annoyed with himself for not getting it right. Involuntarily, Y/N’s eyes fell on Harry. He was singing his heart out, sounding better than everyone else, but in his drunken state he seemed to have forgotten some of the lyrics. However, everyone knew the song and it felt very good to be with people she adored, singing a song all of them knew and loved, together. She felt part of something bigger than herself in that moment.

Maybe that was why she did it. Because, looking back, Y/N did not quite know what came over her in that moment, but she loved herself for it. As the song started nearing the end, Y/N took the microphone out of Ellie’s hands and started singing at the top of her lungs, taking absolutely everyone by surprise but she did not care. Ellie started laughing and the rest joined in again towards the end, matching Y/N’s volume.

As she turned around after the song, grinning from ear to ear as she glanced at her friends, basking in their applause and cheers, she caught Harry’s eye. That crooked smile of his was on his face along with a look she wasn’t sure she had ever really seen before, maybe only once. Amusement tangled up with adoration, forming a sort of emotion that had yet to be given a word; someone on the cusp of surrendering themselves completely to the overpowering concept of love, yet still holding back in fear of the unrequited. As soon as their eyes met, Harry looked away, scratching at the back of his neck as he walked back over to their table, everyone following suit.

The time came for them all to leave and Harry gave Y/N the car keys, claiming that he was not fit to drive, though she had not needed him to tell her that. Y/N gave them over to Fatima and all of them made their way over to the van. The night sky was black, brimming with glinting stars and the moon hanging big and yellow over Cornwall, wishing them all a good night. Y/N walked over to Jessa and thanked her for her hospitality, asking her where lolo and Grace were. She explained they’d gone to bed a long time ago, lolo had probably read Grace a bedtime story and fallen asleep himself, he sometimes did that when he stayed the night at the farm.

Y/N ran over to the van, opening the passenger door to see Amir sitting there, a bag in front of him in case he should throw up on the way home. He gave Y/N a peace sign before she closed the door and opened the door into the backseats.

“There you are,” Jo said through a yawn. “Let’s go, Ima.”

“Y/N!” Harry called from further back in the van, making Dax groan and mumble a “shut up, mate” that Harry did not hear. “Y/N! My flower! Come back here, I saved us the whole back backseat!”

Y/N glanced in Fatima’s direction, only to see her friend raise her eyebrows at her, nodding her head. “He made a big fuss.”

“Y/N, come here, I want to tell you something,” Harry said, words slurring a bit. Y/N stepped into the van properly, closing the door behind her before she walked back to Harry, sitting down in the seat right beside him by the window, even though there were three seats in the far back of the car. The car jolted a little as Fatima started driving, steering the car up the gravel round and towards the centre of St Ives.

“What’d you wanna say?” Y/N asked Harry in a hushed voice, hoping he’d mimic her.

“I… I wanted to say something that’s been on my mind for a while now,” he said, whispering back to her, his face mere centimetres from her own. She felt hot all over, adoring their close proximity but also remembering the rule they had made some days ago. As they drove by the white fluorescent streetlights, Harry’s face lit up for a few seconds, making him appear almost angelic. “I’ve been thinking about it.”

“Okay.”

“It’s got to do with you.”

“Figured as much.”

Harry giggled, looking down at his hands where they rested between his legs, sliding his thumb along his other. “You’re very smart.”

“Thank you.”

“Smartest person I know.”

She couldn’t help but smile at the compliment. “I doubt that.”

He pursed his lips as he thought. “You do that a lot.”

“What?”

“Doubt yourself.” He stared back at her, moving a little closer so their sides were flush against one another. “I think you’re great. I’ve never doubted you.”

They stared at each other for a few seconds, neither knowing what to say as the world around them seemed to disappear completely. For a single moment, it looked like he was going to tilt his head to the side, almost as if he were getting ready to study her like he had done at Porthgwidden. He stopped himself, staring back at his hands.

“I don’t have any cucumber left,” Harry mumbled, this made Y/N giggle a little. “This ain’t gonna end well for me tonight if I don’t get that cucumber.”

Y/N giggled some more, bringing her hand to her mouth as Harry looked at her again, his crooked smile appearing on his face, dimple showing.

“What?”

“Doesn’t sound like you’re talking about a cucumber when you say it like that,” she said.

“What then?”

“Well… what’s kind of shaped like a cucumber?”

Harry furrowed his brows, thinking hard.

“You have it, I don’t.”

“A cock?” Harry mouthed, looking absolutely gobsmacked that Y/N would suggest such a thing, which made Y/N laugh again.

“Yeah, dildo or summat.”

“Y/N Bernadette Angelica McKay,” Harry gasped, shaking his head as his eyes fell on the road through the window beyond Y/N. “Saucy git.”

“You started it.”

“Well, you made it sexual.” Harry crossed his arms, pretending to roll his eyes to make Y/N laugh, which worked effortlessly. “Wouldn’t mind a dildo, not gonna lie.”

“Harry!”

“What?! It’s the truth!”

Y/N laughed again, watching as Ellie and Jo jumped out of the car once Fatima stopped it, waving at everyone before they started walking in the same direction. Fatima started the car over again just as Jo stumbled and almost face planted, making everyone in the van – including the two outside – crack up. Y/N settled into her own seat, looking down at her thighs as they drove off again, giggling a little to herself as she replayed Jo’s near-death experience in her head.

“I…” Harry started, and when she glanced up at him, he was smiling that very small smile back at her. It was barely there, making his dimples show ever so slightly, and it made every single butterfly in Y/N’s tummy flutter their wings madly. “I love the sound of your laughter.”

Y/N felt her heart skip a beat.

“It makes me happy.”

She knew that if she continued to look at Harry and he continued to look at her, she would just start feeling more for him. Though she knew it was inevitable, she would fall in love with him sooner or later, she wanted to slow the process out so that she didn’t end up spending too much time with him while she loved him.

“When you said you watched Angus, Thongs earlier, it kinda shocked me a bit,” Harry admitted, talking as if it was all part of his stream of consciousness. “Not that I think you’re innocent or anything like that, you don’t seem innocent- and when I say it like that it sounds weird.”

Y/N bit her lips together, trying not to laugh.

“From what I’ve heard your parents were very strict so…” Harry shrugged his shoulder, looking away from her again. He tilted his head a little to the side as he caught eye of Amir in the front. “Amir! Oi! If you throw up in my van I’m gonna murder you!”

“Shut up, Haz,” Dax groaned. “Y/N, why the fuck is your boyfriend so loud when he’s plastered? Bloody hell.”

“I’m not loud, I’m passionate.”

“About Amir not throwing up in your car?” Dax rolled his eyes. “Brilliant.”

Fatima stopped the car, shouting at Dax to get out and help Amir home. Dax slowly walked around the car and took Amir’s arm over their shoulder, the two walking off as Amir started singing a song that had been sung right before they left the farm. Fatima sat there and watched the two walk up the street, making sure they got inside Amir’s place where Dax would kip before she started driving towards the lighthouse.

The three were quiet for the last part of the drive, Harry seemingly about to doze off all of a sudden, humming Ultraviolet under his breath as they started driving up the gravel path to the lighthouse. Y/N just barely saw the light of the lighthouse before it disappeared, but did not pay any more notice to it as Harry leaned over her, glancing out the window as if to see his house. Once Fatima stopped the car, Harry reached for the seat buckle, fumbling for it in the dark before he finally got free.

“Help me inside?” he asked Y/N, making her lose her words a bit at first in surprise, but she quickly loosened her own seatbelt as Fatima turned around, about to jump out of the van as well.

“Just gonna help him get to bed, it’ll take five minutes,” Y/N told Fatima as Harry slid the backdoor open, getting out of the car.

“Ten if can force a cuddle out of her,” Harry said, chuckling a little to himself as he watched Y/N get out of the car and close the door behind her. She only raised her eyebrows at him, holding her hand out for his keys, which he gave her eagerly. She wanted nothing more than to cuddle him for ten minutes, she’d take cuddles for one minute if that’s all she got, but she knew he was only saying it in front of Fatima to make her believe them even more. He took his time walking to the front door, as if to drag the time out, while Y/N walked on inside, turning the lights on for him. It took some time for him to get his shoes off and while he did that, Y/N looked through his fridge, not seeing any cucumbers but a few tomatoes could maybe do as post-party food.

Harry put his rucksack with his camera down by the sofa, strolling over to the bathroom to do whatever he needed to do. Y/N put the tomato on the counter, making Harry a glass of water like he had made her last time and putting that along with the tomato on the dining table. Once he walked out of the bathroom, he rubbed at his eyes, giving Y/N a smile as their eyes met.

“Are you staying?”

“No, I… I’m going home with Fatima.”

Harry nodded. “You two…?”

Y/N chuckled some, feeling her cheeks get a little hot as she shook her head. “No, we’re friends. I’m kipping at hers.”

“Okay, good.” Harry nodded, biting the corner of his upper lip as he said, “I don’t like it when you’re alone.”

“Why not?”

“Because of what you said about your dad, that he was a bad man and all that.”

Y/N felt a sort of panic rise in her chest and she looked out the still open door, seeing Fatima sit by the stone fence circling the lighthouse, watching its lights. Harry yawned, lying down in his bed and glancing over at Y/N, his eyes trailing down her body. She felt herself blushing, both because Harry was staring at her like that and she did not want to talk about her dad, especially not while Harry was drunk.

“Can you stay?” His voice was soft, speaking with a meaning that went beyond the cottage and tonight.

“I’m going with Fatima.”

“I want you to stay, flower.”

She wanted to lay down next to him, slide her hand through his hair and watch as he closed his eyes, smiling ever so slightly and humming in total and utter contentment. Fall asleep next to him, feel his breath on her skin again, know that he was there to protect her if anything were to happen. She suddenly remembered how safe she had felt waking up here, how she had never slept as good as she did that single night she spent at Harry’s cottage. Never again would she feel like that, Y/N realised. Once she left St Ives in a couple of weeks, all the safeness and the sense of belonging would be ripped away from her. It would surely be like someone ripping off her arm.

Harry sat up in his bed as if he sensed a shift in the air around them, looking up at Y/N with slight worry but also a sort of desperation, silently asking her to please consider his offer. God, in that very second, it was very hard to resist him. Because when he looked at her like that, so attentive, so devoted to everything she did, she simply wanted to do nothing but lay down next to him and do what he asked. But she couldn’t, and with each passing second where they just looked at one another, the tension between them grew and she felt goosebumps up her back. She cleared her throat some.

“You wanted to tell me something earlier, was that it?” Y/N asked, wanting to get them talking about something else.

“What?”

“In the van, when I entered it, you said you had something to say, what did you have to say?”

“Oh,” Harry said as if suddenly remembering. He glanced away suddenly, scratching at the back of his neck. “No, it was… I wanted to tell you that… I know we haven’t spent much time together since the whole… since Terraland… last Saturday- so like, a week ago…”

She nodded, encouraging him to keep going.

“I’m sorry for that. I don’t… The last thing I’d ever do is hurt your feelings or make you uncomfortable.”

“I know, Harry.”

“I just…” He watched her, taking in every single one of her movements as if he would forget what she looked like when she left. “You and me, you know… we were sitting there together and… you were so pretty when we sat there at Porthgwidden, I couldn’t… I had to kiss you. Spur of the moment kind thing, I suppose.”

Y/N did not want to look at him, did not want to hear him say anything else. Had all the nice things he had said at the beach also been just “spur of the moment” then? So nothing was real? Not that she had thought it was, but that kind of just underlined it, didn’t it? She didn’t know what to think anymore, everything was so blurry, nothing seemed to really make sense. Everything was for the fake relationship, it always was.

“Y/N!” Fatima called from outside, Y/N glanced at her. “Say goodbye so we can leave!”

When she glanced back at Harry, Harry seemed to get a little desperate, not wanting her to leave just yet. But Y/N couldn’t stay.

“Y/N,” Harry said, maybe realising that what he’d said might’ve been a bit much. “I-I didn’t mean it like that.”

She gave him a smile. “We’ll talk soon, yeah?”

Harry just nodded, and she walked out the door and toward Fatima who was smiling at her. With one last glance over her shoulder, she saw Harry in the window over his dining table, looking out after Y/N and Fatima as they walked along the gravel path toward town. His hand was resting by the tomato she had laid there for him, hoping that it could somehow be a good second to his usual cucumber tradition after nights out. Y/N crossed her arms over her chest as a slight cold breeze blew past them and Fatima audibly shivered.

“Yeah, would you look at that,” Fatima said as Y/N glanced her way. “Left me out in the wind, you did. Now I’m freezing.”

Y/N laughed, nudging Fatima’s shoulder with her own. The two friends went on back to Fatima’s place, acting as two old friends would.

Monday, 3 August

This was the first time Y/N had ever witnessed rain in St Ives since she arrived in June. It was not pouring down as one would assume after a long drought, a slight pitter-patter fell onto the grass around her as she walked along the gravel path, falling onto the hood of the yellow rain coat she was wearing. The sky was a dull grey, not something one should be worrying about, but there were a few darker clouds hovering somewhere in the horizon and she was sure that with this high of a temperature and the promise of pouring rain later on, lightning would occur as well.

Once she reached the lightkeeper residence, she knocked three times, waited a minute for Harry to open, then peeked her head in when he didn’t. Harry was sat by the dining table, looking through an instruction manual in front of him, frowning down at the pages as if he was reading a language he did not understand. At the sound of the door opening, he looked in Y/N’s direction, giving her a little smile.

“Saw you approach just now,” he said before looking down at the manual before him again.

“So you didn’t bother opening the door for me?” she asked, smiling over at him, but Harry did not answer. This was what she had been afraid of.

Ever since the karaoke and barbeque night at the farm, Harry had not met her gaze. Whenever she had come over to study, he wouldn’t spend too long in the cottage with her and he would rarely make her tea as he usually did. There was something not subtly cold, but different. He still welcomed her to sit in his windowsill and would still talk to her, but he wouldn’t look at her, wouldn’t stay around for long enough so they could talk properly. Y/N had tried, even suggested they go down to the Bakery to buy a pasty and walk around St Ives, go to the Candy Shoppe, or to the pub to have a few pints, but Harry had turned down all her offers, told her they could do it another time. He never really gave an explanation for why he didn’t want to hang out and Y/N was afraid of asking for one. But they had to talk. She didn’t want to go on like this, especially when Harry had come to mean so much to her.

“What’re you up to, then?” She took her coat and boots off, walking over to where Harry was seated by the dining table.

“I’m about to change the bulbs before it starts getting dark out and the lamp’s turned on,” he explained, furrowing his brows as he ran his finger over the page, concentrating on reading a specific line. Y/N stayed silent as not to disturb anything. He got up from the chair, sipping the last of his tea before he shoved the manual down in the back pocket of his denim shorts. He slipped his red knitted jumper over his Elton John tee shirt, the same one he had given to Y/N to wear after Dax’s birthday party when she slept over for the first time.

“Can I help?” she asked, giving him a smile she hoped he’d lay his eyes on her to see.

And he did, lips parting a little as if he was surprised by the suggestion. This puzzled Y/N as she had always expressed her willingness to help him, no matter what.

“Go on, then.” Harry nodded. “Just needed a cuppa before I started, it’s well past 6 after all.”

“You’re going to bed soon?”

“Yeah, and the lamp gets turned on in about an hour.”

Y/N smiled as he walked past her. “You’ve been procrastinating all day, have you?”

“Not all day.”

She laughed and she thought she saw the flicker of a smile on Harry’s lips at the sound.

“I’ve done other things as well, but I need this done now and quickly.”

Y/N nodded, putting her rain boots back on as Harry got his trainers on, the two then jogging in the direction of the lighthouse as not to get soaked in the rain that was starting to fall harder around them. Harry held the door open for her, then locked it once they were both inside. They started their ascent, Harry leading them past his little office floor, past the bedroom like room, up and up and up, till they finally reached the bell room. Even though Y/N was wearing a short white sundress with her green oversized boxy high-neck jumper along with her mid-calf black rain boots, she walked up the ladder leading to the bell room. She remembered how she had been reluctant to walk up wearing a dress that first time, but now she didn’t really care. Harry needed to change the bulbs and she said she was going to help.

Along the way, Harry had brought a toolbox with him, placing it up on the floor of the bell room before he walked up the ladder, letting Y/N go on up after him. For some reason it shocked Y/N when she came up to see that the lamp – the only thing inside the bell room – was not moving. She had imagined that the light in lighthouses moved around, and though Harry had explained what offshore and shore-based lighthouses were, the pattern of a lighthouse and the like, he hadn’t really explained how the lamp worked.

“It doesn’t rotate,” she said, walking up to the relatively small lamp in the middle of the room.

Harry was rummaging through his toolbox, stopping momentarily as he glanced over his shoulder at Y/N, unsure what she was referring to first, then let his eyes fall to the lens. “It flashes.”

Y/N furrowed her brows, walking around the lens to get a good look at it, studying the ridges and different colours of it, blank and red. “flashes?”

Harry pulled a screwdriver out of the toolbox and started working on the screws around the lamp. “It’s to identify it when it’s dark out, sailors can’t make out the white lighthouse when it’s night-time.”

“Makes sense.”

“Most lighthouses, especially shore-based ones like Clodgy, rhythmically flash or eclipse their lights to provide an identification signal. The particular pattern of flashes or eclipses is known as the character of the light, and the interval at which it repeats itself is called the period.” Harry tipped the plastic lens to reveal the five lightbulbs under it; Y/N was surprised to see it wasn’t made of glass. She supposed it was more convenient. “Essentially, a lighthouse may display a single flash, regularly repeated at perhaps 5-, 10-, or 15- seconds intervals. This is known as a flashing light. Clodgy is one of them.”

“What are these then?” Y/N asked, pointing to the red streaks.

“Basically, if someone is on sea and they are driving in the direction of sharp rocks or land, they’ll see a red light flashing instead of a normal, yellow one.”

“Danger, danger.”

Harry reached into his pocket, pulling out a box and putting it on the little space underneath the lamp.

“How many bulbs are there?” Y/N asked, looking at the different ones all attached to a round object in the middle of the lens.

“Five, they usually don’t have to be changed out. You gotta do so every 15-25 years, depending. This little thing-“ Harry pointed to the small bulb between them. “Lights up 15 miles using these lenses. It’s incredible.”

Y/N looked up at Harry, seeing a tiny and amused smile on his face as he talked. This was the most she had heard him talk in over a week; it made her heart do a silly fluttery thing.

“When one of these five bulbs go out, the apparatus knows that the bulb no longer works and it will rotate and-“ Harry placed his finger on the side of the bulb, rotating it to the right so that the apparatus turned, clicking as another bulb fit into place at the top. “-Click to a new bowl, it’s on automation and all that. So, we rarely change the bulbs.”

She bit her bottom lip as she watched him, not able to help herself. It was just so endearing to watch him like this, so amazing to hear him talking so unfiltered to her again. Right then, talking about bulbs and apparatuses and what not, he was so engulfed, so eager to tell her everything, that he did not care how he sounded. He was comfortable. She could tell.

He must’ve noticed how he rambled off, because he cleared his throat and stood up straight again, running a hand through his hair as a slight pink colour appeared in his cheeks. He quickly started to change the first bulb, putting a new on in its stead. Y/N just watched him, finding the sound of Harry working, the slight clicks, the quiet patter of the rain against the windows surrounding them, very relaxing. He seemed to be relaxed as well, so she thought this might be the best time as any.

Inhaling slowly, she leaned her hands on either side of the slight counter the lamp was standing on. She looked over it at Harry, his bottom lip between his teeth as he put the second bulb in its new place.

“Harry, we…” she started, swallowing thickly. “We need to talk about… things.”

Harry sighed. “Yes. Yes, we do.”

Knowing he felt the same way about that made it easier to breathe for a reason. At least she wasn’t going into this the same way she had been going into the Emilia situation after Dax’s birthday.

He started on the third bulb as he started talking, beating Y/N to it. “I, uhm… I want to tell you about my dad.”

This came as a shock to Y/N who was left raising her eyebrows at him for a second or two before saying, “Yeah, alright.”

He glanced up at her over the lightbulb. “You didn’t see it coming?”

“We’ll talk about your dad first,” Y/N gave him a reassuring smile. “We have time. We’ll always have time.”

“But that’s the thing…” Harry trailed off, switching out the fourth bulb, not meeting her eyes. “We don’t. If there’s one thing we won’t always have, it’s time. There won’t ever be enough time spent with your loved ones, there just won’t. No matter how much time you spend or how much time you spent with someone, you’ll always want more time. Always. What you got is never enough.”

The rain outside fell a little harder against the windows of the bell room, the wind a little harsher.

“Two years ago, my dad went on a fishing trip. He usually did this, took a few of his mates and then set off out wherever. They were never gone for more than a day tops, they always returned at night with tons of fish and I remember how Jessa would be so delighted and then invite our whole family over for barbecues and the like.” He paused as he started on the fifth and last bulb. “One day, September 4th to be exact, he didn’t return. Jessa and I sat up for hours waiting for signs of him. She started calling the spouses of the others on the boat, no one else had returned either.”

Y/N absolutely hated that she knew where this was going but she hadn’t told Harry that yet.

“Dax ended up sleeping at the lightkeeper house with me for a month and some after that, just didn’t want me to be alone, you know? He’s sound like that.” Once he was done putting the bulb in place, he reached for the lens and put it back where it belonged. “I think most of my mates and the people in my family’s life tried to keep our minds off it, ‘cause the more days went by, the more likely it was that… you know… he was dead.”

Harry sighed, reaching for the screwdriver, taking a little pause in talking as he screwed everything back into place. Y/N took a few steps back, watching him do his job and make himself ready to talk again.

“The boat was found October 14th, no one and nothing was in it.” Harry still wouldn’t look at her, put the screwdriver back in the toolbox and kept his back to her for a few seconds before turning around again. The bell room was starting to get relatively dark; she supposed the light would turn on soon, and she could barely make out the slight glassy expression in Harry’s eyes.

“I went absolutely mad. There are big chunks of time that I don’t even remember from that time, my brain has just… erased it from my memory, it was the darkest period of my life. They didn’t find any of the passengers’ bodies, there were three of them as well. It had been a turbulent and stormy night, so a sea storm took them out, drowned them all. But I… I…” Harry inhaled hugely, breathing shakily. “I didn’t… I still kinda don’t want… want to believe it. My dad is laying somewhere, far away from me, far away from Jessa, Gracie, from… from home…” He looked down at the ground, blinking rapidly. “It doesn’t fucking feel real. It’s not supposed to happen. This… He was a good sailor; he didn’t drown at sea.”

Y/N felt something starting to sting behind her eyes, she bit her bottom lip to stop it from wobbling. The storm outside seemed to pick up, sounding rougher than a minute before.

“I took over after him because I thought… I thought that, if no one else could, I could help him find the way home. I could shine that light; I’d take care of the lighthouse till he came back home. I’d show him the way, I’d light up the path for him, and he’d come home to me again. Where he belonged, where he should’ve been all along.” He took a deep breath, slowly looking up again, eyes falling to the lamp in the middle of the room. “It was a way for me to ignore the fact that he was truly dead. He wouldn’t come back. I didn’t really… I didn’t realise how… I didn’t realise how true it was that my dad, my constant, was gone, until Emilia left as well.”

Y/N furrowed her brows, a sort of rage filling her again. She had never been this angry before. There was something burning inside her, a sort of desire to protect Harry from everything evil in the world. No one deserved to hurt, but Harry least of everyone.

“I met Emilia at one of Astronaut Lions’ gigs the year before. I remember standing at the bar and she came up to me, asked me if I was Amos’ son – that’s my dad’s name, by the way - to which I said yes, and she told me her dad used to lend my dad and his mates his fishing boat sometimes. My dad and hers knew each other. So, we got talking, and, I want to say it’s ‘cause our dads knew each other, we got pretty close, pretty fast.”

Talking about Emilia brought Y/N’s gagging reflex into full force, but she composed herself.

“When my dad died, she was around, but not as often as Dax, Amir, Jo, Fatima, Ellie, or my family. She visited and stuff, kept me occupied, but the gang spent a lot of time at my place, occasionally rotating. It was nice, I didn’t want to be alone. I love being alone, but I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts then.”

Harry leaned against the window, eyes falling to the floor. Y/N continued to stand where she had, watching Harry carefully.

“We had been together for a year and some then. We hadn’t really fought much, I don’t really like confrontation, it makes me very uncomfortable, so I usually just let her say what she wanted to say if she was annoyed with me and didn’t bother arguing. Fatima kept telling me how unfair it was on her and our relationship, and also on myself, that I never really stood up for myself when we fought. It’s, like… I wanted it to work out so much that I wanted to ignore the things that didn’t. I didn’t want to do something that might cause us to break up.” He sighed heavily. “We were good for each other, we did have some good times, and she was my first ever proper girlfriend that broke my heart, but… but these last few weeks I’ve come to realise that she never really wanted what was best for me the way all my mates did.”

Y/N wanted to walk over to him and hug him. She wanted to console him; tell him she was there if he needed anything.

“I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about that part of my life, you know? I’m aware that breaking up with someone ‘cause they’re bad for your mental health is valid, but what she did really affected me. It made the grieving process worse. I had never really felt truly alone till then.” He furrowed his brows some. “I didn’t have dad; I didn’t have Emilia… I knew I had my mates, but… Emilia and dad meant so much to me, losing them both in such a short period of time… broke me.”

Y/N swallowed a lump in her throat, hoping he couldn’t hear how sad his story made her. “Harry, you don’t have to elaborate if it’s hard for you.”

“No, you deserve to know. Emilia’s back, you’re my… my supposed girlfriend and you… I want you to know.”

Y/N nodded, clutching at the hem of her jumper.

“I know it was a naff move on my part when I went with her to get her that cup, I know I should have understood why you were rightfully upset right away, I know I shouldn’t have been too friendly when she came to Terraland…” Trailing off, he balled his hands into fists at his sides. “The reason why I’ve been so reluctant to push her out of my life is… I know it’s fucking mental; I know I sound right mad, yeah? But… I figured that if she could return, then maybe… then maybe dad…” Harry didn’t finish, but he didn’t have to.

Y/N shook her head as the only thing in the bell room that was audible was the sound of the rain and wind outside, sounding eerie and strong against the top of the lighthouse. “It’s not mental. It’s a very valid and normal reaction to grief, clinging onto the last shred you have of someone, hoping that one day they might come back to you.”

Harry looked at her feet, not ready to meet her eyes yet.

“My dad and I have never been close. I used to love being around him when I was little, I remember associating him with goodness and warmth. He would play with me and make me laugh, do things that my mum hated him for.”

“Like?”

“Throw me in the air, let me jump from a bunk bed and onto the mattress on the floor below, that sort of thing.” Y/N almost smiled at the memory. She hadn’t thought about that in ages. “However, as I grew up, my dad just got colder. He was still nice to me, was still protective and a dad, but he wasn’t the same.”

Y/N could tell by the slight breath Harry inhaled that he wanted to ask what changed but stopped himself. She was grateful he did. She could not go that far just yet.

“But… though it’s not the same as you, I respected my dad’s wishes to stay in Winchester and do as my mum; become a stay-at-home mum who didn’t need education or anything like that. He wanted me to marry well and learn how to be a mum; learn how to be safe at home and mostly indoors at all times.” She furrowed her brows some. “I believed him when he told me I wouldn’t be fit to become a dentist.” She paused for a moment. “You know when you’re scared, and you believe every word your parents say to you ‘cause you don’t know what else to do? They’re older, wiser, got more experience, so of course they know better than you, they know the best thing to do in any given situation.”

Harry nodded slightly.

“Before… Before I came to St Ives, I hadn’t really parted from my family at all. It wasn’t really like I had a choice. They were just always there, and I was expected to be there, too. I was terrified when I left; not only didn’t my parents know I was leaving, but I had just disappointed them in every way possible anyway, so I… I couldn’t stay there.” Her eyes fell on the lamp that yet hadn’t turned on.

Harry cleared his throat, eyes still on the lens in the middle of the room. “Your parents don’t know you’re here?”

“They do now.”

“You told them?”

Y/N felt her heart pick up its speed, she swallowed thickly, continuing to avoid Harry’s eyes. “What I’m trying to get at is that I haven’t, and probably won’t, tell them about the UCAT, or the fact that I’m trying to become a dentist. Part of me wishes that I did, but I know the reaction I’m gonna get… And the other part of me… That part is longing for that loving and warm father to return, the one that helped me fly when I was little.” She leaned against the window. “It’s not the same as you by any means, but it’s-“

“-It’s just as valid, Y/N.”

She shook her head some, looking out at the tall waves below. “You ever get the feeling that, no matter what, you won’t really be good enough, and you settle down with that thought? It’s not this hopeless feeling, but rather you’re just… content with that. You’re average so you’ll get average back.”

“You’re not average.”

She looked over at him, and for what seemed like the first time that day, their eyes met.

“Did your parents make you feel that horrible about yourself?”

Y/N crossed her arms. “In what way?”

“That you were average? Not destined for good things? That you didn’t deserve proper happiness?”

“I was satisfied with life in Winchester.”

“Satisfaction and happiness are two vastly different things.”

It seemed like he wanted to take a step forward but stopped himself, taking a deep breath before settling against the window again. Y/N pushed slightly away from the wall, standing closer to the light.

“It’s like the whole thing with me and Emilia again, innit? There were times when I was happy with her, but I think that’s more to do with the fact that I knew she was there. I could always rely on her. But bottom line is that being with her didn’t bring me instant and constant happiness like-“ He stopped himself, as if remembering there were things he wasn’t supposed to say. “She didn’t make me happy like she should’ve. I was satisfied.”

“Isn’t being at peace good? If someone or something brings you peace, isn’t that good?”

Harry shrugged his shoulders some. “There are different kinds, though. Your life and the people in it should be able to make you feel something, you know? Not being excited to see someone or to be somewhere or to do something, it does nothing. You don’t grow if you’re satisfied ‘cause you’re not moving, you’re not evolving.”

“Being happy isn’t a constant, though. You can’t always be happy, sometimes you’re just… not.”

“How boring would life be if you felt the same way, did the same things, saw the same people every single day? How boring would it be without change?”

Y/N felt herself smiling. “You’re a lighthouse keeper, you do the same things every single day.”

“I don’t, though,” he said. “I might be stuck here in St Ives most of the time, but I never do the same thing every single day. And besides…” He trailed off, biting his bottom lip some. “Besides life’s been anything but ordinary lately.”

Y/N glanced at her arms in front of her. “I… I hated change.”

“You don’t anymore?”

“To a degree,” she said. “I’m happy with the decision I made to leave my old life behind, but now… now I don’t really know what to do. I’m going to apply for University, but what if I’m too old? I’m 25, way older than everyone else there will be, and I… I dunno. I feel like I have to figure myself out all over again now that I don’t have my parents around me anymore, it’s like I don’t know who I am. Once this summer is over and I leave St Ives – ‘cause St Ives, you, and everyone here, are genuinely what’s keeping me together right now – I… I dunno how I’m going to survive. Will I have myself when I don’t even know who I am? Is it too late for me to get a fresh start? Who- Who will be there to help guide me in the right direction if I have no one in my life?”

There was no trace of hesitation as Harry said, voice deep and low, “You’ll always have someone.”

“Will I? I feel lost, Harry.” She blinked a few times, hoping to prevent possible tears from falling. “I’m so lost. Where do I even go from here? I don’t and can’t go back to how life used to be, where do I go?”

“Don’t go.”

She glanced up at him, the lamp beside them suddenly coming to life with a massive blink. Though the suddenness of the light had scared her, Harry’s words had been what got her heart racing. The light blinked in the direction of the sea, the other side from where they stood so Y/N couldn’t see it directly, only the dark back that was facing the mainland. However, she could not care less for the light as Harry stared back at her, right into her eyes, for the first time in what seemed like forever. She felt herself relax at the sight of him, but his words still reverberated through her head, making it spin slightly.

“What?”

“Don’t go,” he repeated, stepping away from the window. “Stay.”

Her arms fell to her sides. “You… You want me to stay in St Ives?”

It took a few seconds, as if he was building up the courage to say something he thought was obvious, but, seemingly, not so obvious to Y/N. “Yes.”

“But I…” She trailed off, blinking a few times as if she were trying to regain composure. “You’ve never said.”

“’Cause I’ve always been afraid of your reaction.”

“My… my reaction?”

“If it would scare you.”

“Why would that scare me?”

“’Cause someone telling you they care for you more than… more than they care for anyone else, and you not feeling the same way… I don’t want to scare you.”

Y/N was sure she had not heard him right. And if she had, she must have misinterpreted his statement, because surely he had not just said what she thought he said. The light blinked its usual pattern, lighting up the darkening bell room as the two just stood staring at one another.

“I thought you only felt like that for Emilia.”

Harry frowned, shaking his head as if what he’d just heard was absurd. “Emilia?”

“Well, then… then that you used to feel like that for her, that you two used to be close. I’ve been jealous of that, after all.”

“You’ve been jealous?” Harry’s eyes were wide, intently staring at Y/N as she continued to explain. “How do you mean?”

“Dunno…” Y/N said, knowing that she probably sounded like an absolute plonker. “You’ve always seemed pretty caught up on her. That you still have feelings for her.”

He studied her, mouth falling shut as he let his eyes scan her face, saying a soft, “I don’t.”

“But- But why do you blush when she’s around, then?”

At the mention of him blushing, a red colour appeared in his cheeks and he glanced away for a few seconds, running his hands through his hair. Y/N could not help a small smile on her lips, biting at the corner of her mouth to stop herself from doing so.

“I get flustered, don’t I? It’s not like I can help it,” Harry explained, gesturing at his face as he took a few steps forward. “She’s my ex, it’s weird being around her.”

“You act so shy, though. Isn’t that how you are around people you’re nervous in front of?”

“I acted like that with you as well, did you notice?”

Y/N felt a breath hitch in her throat, something about Harry admitting this made her entire body hot. Part of her did not believe this could be true, it was just too good, while the other urged her to keep going, see what happened next. She shook her head slightly. “I-I dunno.”

“I was so bloody nervous,” Harry said, chuckling a little to himself. “It was genuinely hard for me to form sentences ‘cause I didn’t want to make a right twit of myself, yeah? I just… I wanted to impress you so bad, but it was so hard.”

She pressed her lips together, heart hammering hard, hands feeling clammy with anticipation.

“I’m not nervous around you anymore, though.”

“You’re not?”

“No.” He shook his head. “I feel safe with you now. I don’t care that I make a fool of myself ‘cause you won’t mind.”

She smiled a little. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He gestured around him with a soft jerk of his chin. “You’re a light room.”

Y/N wanted to ask him what he meant by that, but stopped herself when their eyes met again. She wanted to walk to him, to be near him.

“It’s like…” Harry started, pausing for a few seconds before he went on. “It’s weird being around someone you thought meant a lot to you and you realise they didn’t. But with you… that’s…” He glanced at the ground again, tugging at the hem of his red jumper. “It’s different.”

She continued to just look at him, afraid that if she said anything he would stop.

“It’s… it’s like I… like-“ He cleared his throat, suddenly blushing uncontrollably, and it was as if he knew how ridiculous he must look because he let out a small laugh. “You were the prettiest woman I’d ever seen and I wanted to impress you, I didn’t want to embarrass myself and have you not want to be around me anymore.”

His eyes fell to her feet, moving up over her bare legs, landing on her tummy as he continued to find the words lost somewhere within him. He took a deep breath.

“I’m not good with words, so explaining how much you mean to me is hard, but I know that I… that you…” He drifted off again, meeting her eyes. “You were the person I wanted to be in the arms of at Terraland, when I was all shaken up ‘cause of that ride, not Emilia, no one else but you. And you’re the only person I want to be in the arms of right now, tomorrow, and probably every single day after that. I like it when you hold me, when you’re around. That’s all I know.” His eyes fell to her lips for a second, meeting her eyes as if he remembered that was forbidden territory. She had said as much. “I like it when we touch, everything seems at once much simpler but also so much more important and grander because of you.”

Biting her bottom lip, Y/N walked closer to Harry, and at the sight, he took two more steps closer as well, meeting right beside the lamp that was still occasionally lighting up the bell tower and the entire coast along with it. Standing right there in front of one another, something that could only resemble magic passed between them and circled around them, drawing them closer to one another. They were meant to be close, meant to be right here, with one another. It was wrong to be anywhere else than with Harry. She didn’t feel as lost when he was here; there was a sense of reason, of purpose, when they were together that was so great to the point of invention, there was no other way of explaining it. This, what was between then, was beyond anything. Limitless, unfathomable, immeasurable; infinite.

“I want to touch you,” Y/N said, her voice almost a whisper as she, once again, glanced at his lips.

“Touch me. Please.”

Slowly and gentler than she had ever been before, she placed her hand to his cheek, thumb stroking over the slight stubble before she slid the tips of her fingers to the back of his jaw and then forth again. He closed his eyes, leaning into her.

“Please, touch me,” he repeated, the breath of his pleading words falling against her hot wrist. “Never stop.”

She studied his face, loving the calming effect she had on him because it matched the one he had on her. Though he made her heart race and had her overthinking everything, he calmed her down and made her feel at peace. Exhilarated her and confused her; overwhelmed her and elated her. He made her feel everything all at once, and Y/N thought at last, wasn't that what love really was? When you felt like the feelings inside your body transcended everything, made you see everything around you in a new light? When it changed your world for the better?

Y/N’s hand slid down Harry’s cheek and his neck, and at the change, he opened his eyes to look at her again. She took another step forward, leading him toward her as her eyes fell to his lips, meeting his eyes as they hovered dangerously close to one another. The light blinked on and Y/N pressed her lips against Harry’s. They melted into each other instantly. Harry placed one of his hands to her neck and the other one to her hip, bringing her closer. She breathed against him, the rest of the world around them disappearing completely as they drew out the kiss.

His tongue traced her bottom lip, making a shiver run up her spine. Gently, she slipped her tongue into his mouth, making sure she did not overwhelm him, that it was okay. He instantly complied, stroking his against hers, swirling his around hers sensually, lighting Y/N on fire. She moaned into him, gripping at the hair at the back of his neck as their mouths opened wider, welcoming more of the other to enter and entrance them completely. She ran her other hand over his chest, wrapping it around him, while Harry’s slid down along her back, stopping just before he reached her bum, squeezing her a little as if he wasn’t mentally ready to go down there just yet tonight. The bell room continued to illuminate up, shining its guiding light out across the ocean, helping sailors home and to their final destinations. However, neither Y/N nor Harry could even remember where they really were as they continued to kiss one another. She felt his moan on her tongue, a slight whimper that he had not been able to hold back as they deepened the kiss. They instantly got more frantic; desperate, harder. She pushed against him more forcefully, wanting to taste and feel all of him.

For an instant, and what felt like for the first time since they had known each other, Harry took control. He pressed her against the bar with the lamp, keeping one hand on her neck, thumb at her chin, and the other on her waist. She gasped at the suddenness, her entire body aflame as Harry kissed along her jaw, tilting her head as to get better access. She could not help the contented sigh that left her lips, pushing him even closer to her, wrapping her left leg around his right one as to ensure he did not step away from her.

He whispered her name against her neck, leaving wet kisses along the skin that was exposed and that he could reach without removing the high neck of her jumper. He kissed the tip of her jaw, sucking lightly, and she could not hold back her whimper. It seemed to have had an effect on him that she herself had not anticipated, yet absolutely adored. Between them, pressed against her tummy, she could feel him. It seemed to have startled him as well, maybe not having anticipated it to happen that quickly, but he kissed along her neck again, seemingly not really caring anymore. He wanted her to know just how much power she held over him. He came back to her face, lips hovering above hers. They panted against one another, not letting each other go as the rain outside picked up, thunder rumbling in the distance, and the light that Y/N was pressed up again kept lighting up the ocean ahead.

“I, uhm…” Harry stared down, swallowing thickly. “I’m sorry ‘bout… that.”

Y/N smiled, shaking her head slightly. “Don’t apologise for that.” She brought her leg further up, twining it more around him to bring him closer. As if it was instinctual, Harry reached for her thigh, helping her bring it up to his waist. She let out another sigh, loving how he drew closer to her in the process of yanking her leg up higher. Their eyes met again, and she leaned her forehead against his.

“I thought we agreed on a ‘no kissing rule’,” Harry mumbled, lips brushing against hers as he spoke. “I thought you didn’t want to kiss me.”

“I want to kiss you; I just don’t want it to be part of our fake relationship.”

“This has nothing to do with that.” He moved to kiss her again and spoke against her lips. “I need to ask you, though, before anything more happens.”

She watched him, the sight of him slightly blurry but she did not care.

“There’s… There’s a bed… downstairs if you'd be interested in… you know…”

She smiled.

“In what?”

Harry smiled, giggling a little as he leaned his forehead against hers again. “I don’t want there to be mixed signals, so I’m just… I’m just gonna fucking say it.”

“Say it.”

He gripped her knee tighter. “Do you want to have sex with me? ‘Cause I… I mean, it’s not the sexiest way to go about it, just asking like that, but I… it’s very obvious that I would like- very much like to… you know, if you’d like. I don’t want to-“

She chuckled and Harry stopped talking, smiling at her. “I think asking is very sexy. Mixed signals aren’t sexy.”

“You’re right.”

She leaned in, pressing a light kiss to his lips.

“Flower,” he mumbled, voice rasping ever so slightly, making heat instantly pool between her thighs. “Would you let me make you feel good?”

“Do you think you can?”

Harry met her eyes, a crooked smile coming to his lips. “I’ve had no complaints before.”

“No complaints from Emilia?”

A slight furrow appeared between his brows before it lifted, his smile came back and it got wider. “You really were jealous of her.”

“She got to be close to you.”

“Well,” Harry said, eyes fluttering to her lips. “You’re close to me now. You’re closer to me than anyone’s ever been before.”

Y/N squeezed him closer, biting her lip before she said, “Yes.”

“You… you want to go downstairs?”

“Yes.”

Harry’s smile grew so wide it was hard for him to fight just how giddy he was getting at her words. He stepped away from her, taking her hand in his. They left the blinking bell room, climbing down the ladder, Harry securing the hatch before he turned to face Y/N again. Once they were in the near darkness of that room, they kissed again, desperate to feel one another again. This happened almost on every single floor – pressing each other up against a wall, needy to feel, to taste, to be close – as they could simply not help themselves.

Once they reached the floor, Y/N instantly recognised the door and where they were headed. On her first trip to the lighthouse, she had seen a bed in that room, the door had been half open, but Harry had closed it on their way down. Now, Harry opened it for her, letting her inside. It was tiny. A twin bed stood at the far end, its white sheets made neatly over it, while the desk – which stood perched right under a small window that was being attacked by harsh rain - was filled with photographs of Harry’s family. Him, Amos, Jessa, and Grace. There was a dresser with a vase on top, a bouquet of dead flowers in it that it seemed Harry had forgotten completely about.

Harry closed the door behind them. “This used to be my dad’s room. When it was stormy, he’d stay in here. The door sometimes opens on its own, logically I know it’s just a draught, but…” He shrugged his shoulders and Y/N knew what he meant.

Instead of focusing on that – because they could talk about this in the morning – Y/N said, “Kiss me.”

Harry wasted no time. He marched over to her, pressing his lips hard against hers as he started walking her backwards toward the bed. He let her lay down first, taking her rain boots off before she wiggled up to the top, watching as Harry crawled his way up to her, hovering his lips over hers as to tempt her. She tried to lean up to kiss him since he was taking too long, but he moved further away.

“Twat.”

He chuckled, grinning down at her. “How long do you think you can stand not kissing me?”

She brought her hand up to his neck, bringing him down towards her lips. They kissed again – finally. She felt Harry smile against her lips.

“Needy.”

“You were taking too long.”

“You just can’t get enough of me, can you?”

She wanted to roll her eyes at him, but he was correct. She wrapped her legs around him, bringing his core down onto hers. Harry groaned into her; his erecting cock pressed against her heat. He melted into her instantly, burying his hands in her hair.

“Neither can you,” she whispered back, making Harry let out a breathy chuckle.

“I also just want to make it clear,” he said against her lips. “If anything I do is not working, doesn’t do anything for you, doesn’t feel good, or if you want to try something new, a new position or anything like that, tell me, yeah?”

She smiled, nodding her head as they kept kissing. “Yeah. Same goes for you.”

“Do you have a favourite position?”

Y/N froze a little, thinking to herself and blushing when Harry looked down at her.

“What?” he asked.

“I’ve… only ever really done two.”

“Two… positions?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s fine, did you enjoy them?”

“Yeah, I did. Sex was never really been about enjoyment as much as it was about closeness.”

Harry furrowed his brows. “You should enjoy sex, Y/N.”

“I know, I know. I just… I used to set fire to myself to keep others warm. I realised that was not what I should be doing, which is why I ended up in St Ives. With you. Here.”

Harry leaned down again, pressing a lingering and deep kiss to her lips. “You will enjoy yourself and feel real fucking good tonight, yeah? We’ll find something that works for both of us.”

She smiled. “Time will tell.”

“What do you mean?”

“If I’ll feel real fucking good.”

Harry halted a little as he heard that word slip from her lips. He had never heard it before. She felt the effect it had on him against her. “I’ll show you, flower.”

He reached down to the hem of her jumper and the two got it off her, throwing it to the floor before they started kissing again. She wrapped her legs around him again, resting her heels at the top of his bum, urging him closer to her. Slowly and deliberately, Harry grinded against her, revealing them both of a small fraction of pleasure, increasing the anticipation that was building in the air around them. Hard against her most delicate spot. She felt a desperate need to reach for him, to feel him right there, as ready for her as she was for him, but she liked this much better. Feeling him moan against her, the slow waves of his hips as he stroked his growing erection against the heat between her legs that was aching. His promise lingered in the back of her head, making her nipples perk at the thought. You will enjoy yourself and feel real fucking good tonight.

Harry’s hand slipped down the front of her white summer dress, lingering over her breast where he felt her already hard nipple. He squeezed her breast, bringing what he could of the nipple between his index and middle finger, squeezing lightly as he started kissing down her jaw. An uncontrollable moan left her mouth as he kissed her neck, chest, between her covered breasts. She felt hot all over as he kissed his way down, leaving no spot untouched by his swollen lips. He reached her thighs, kissing up her right one, leaving wet spots that got cold in the crisp air of the lightkeeper room.

“Turn over,” he said, sitting up on his knees to make the process easier for her.

She did as he told her to without hesitation. Again, he leaned over her, nose nuzzling her hair as he kissed her exposed shoulder. Each one of the kisses he trailed down her shoulder place, and back felt like a declaration of love; felt like a promise of forever, of safe keeping. Right in that moment, she realised she had never felt more appreciated or more turned on. She felt so seen, so important, as Harry kept kissing her back, sucking on her skin, humming moans of absolute delight into her that made goosebumps appear all over her. He reached for the zipper of her dress, kissing her shoulder before he whispered, “Okay if I undress you?”

“Please.”

Harry unzipped her dress, leaving a lingering kiss to her shoulder as he shoved both the straps off her shoulders. She took them off, letting the dress hang loosely over her breasts. Just because she felt like it, she lifted her arse off the bed, pressing it against Harry’s hard-on. It took him off guard and he gasped a little into her ear, but quickly took a grip around her waist. He pressed down hard on her, parting her bumcheeks as his protruding cock could now be seen, and felt, outside his denim shorts.

“Fuck,” he breathed as he grinded against her. His hands slipped down further, hovering over her centre, laying a slight pressure on her over her dress and knickers that was exactly what Y/N needed right then.

“Harry,” she whimpered, feeling him moan at her utterance.

“Dreamed about you saying my name like that,” he mumbled, kissing her shoulder again. “Sound even fucking better than I could’ve imagined.”

He placed more pressure on her, making her gasp and throw her head back slightly, leaning it against Harry’s beside her. They grinded against one another, absolutely lost in this seductive dance that they would have no problem doing forever. Panting a little, Harry kissed her shoulder again, knowing that they could not go on like that, no matter how much they wanted, because he would surely not be able to handle much of it before finishing. The heat between Y/N’s legs was excruciating, she could barely take it as Harry pulled her dress completely off her, exposing her naked back to him.

“On your knees.”

She did as he demanded, getting on her knees in the bed as Harry positioned himself right behind her. He ran his hands over her wet knickers, wanting to properly feel all of her now that he finally had her there. It sent a lightening up her spine, making her moan as he reached her bud, flicking it slowly. He kissed the outside of her knickers before he ran his tongue over her, the hot wetness of him on her made her gasp, sweet torture that she both welcomed and hated. Hooking his fingers under the hem of her knickers, he slid them over her bum and down her legs, and. Again, she felt cold as her wet skin was exposed to the chill room they were in, Harry’s ragged breaths didn’t exactly make it better. She whimpered slightly as she felt his breath go from cold to hot, she could feel the heat of his body radiating against her cunt and bum. With help of her hands, she raised, looking over her shoulder at him to see him there, only his eyes visible as he hovered in front of her.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, Y/N,” he whispered, planting a kiss to her bum before he went back to the place she had just been. “I’ll make you come, flower.”

“Actions speak louder than words,” she said, panting slightly in anticipation.

Harry smiled at her, she thought she saw a slight wink before he hovered back over her centre. She was about to tell him to just get on with it when she felt his tongue, hot and wet and hard, between her folds. She gasped again, closing her eyes at the impact. He licked up between her folds first, making sure to taste every last bit of her as he had thought about this for so long. He started off with a light pressure on her clit, licking around it, sometimes over it, driving Y/N absolutely insane. He slowly built up the pressure, making sure he did not overwhelm her, staying focused on the clit the entire time. He wrapped his lips around it, sucking lightly, something that made Y/N throw her head back, letting go of a loud moan that had Harry humming into her.

“Yes,” she gasped, fists buried in the white sheets under her.

He let go of her bud, licking up around the clit again, then over it, flicking it quickly while tipping his head to the side. She bit her bottom lip, looking over her shoulder at Harry as he continued to eat her out, eyes closed as if he was eating the feast of his life. Once again, he wrapped his lips around her clit, sucking lightly at first and building his pressure. Whimpering and panting, Y/N kept looking at Harry, the sight of him behind her like that, doing everything in his power to make her feel good – and succeeding – was so bloody hot.

When she had made her way up here today in the rain, she had never in her wildest dream this was where she would end up. On all fours, Harry seated behind her, eating her out. She had thrown away any hope of him even feeling a smudge of what she felt for him, but tonight, up in the light room, everything changed. Everything they said, and how they opened up to one another. She felt quite literally euphoric; static with adoration and completely engrossed in everything he did.

Harry moved up, slipping his tongue inside her hole, hands sliding down her thighs as he penetrated her. She swallowed thickly, biting at her bottom lip before she met his eyes.

“Doesn’t do anything.”

“Hm?” He moved up, eyes wide as he licked around his lips. “My tongue in you?”

“Yeah. Feels like you’re mushing mash into me.”

Harry laughed, resting his forehead against her bum as he shook, she chuckled as well.

“Don’t hold back,” he said.

“Sorry.”

“No, I’m glad you told me, flower.”

“Also,” she said as he started licking her again, she gasped slightly. “Can we switch? I want to watch you properly.”

Harry blinked slowly, smiling at her as he emerged. “Gladly.”

She turned around, placing herself on her back, Harry stopped to take her in, eyes gliding over her naked body in front of him. He cupped her face in his hands, kissing her deeply as he ran his hands over her tits, squeezing them just hard enough before he lowered them and himself. He positioned himself exactly where he’d been, spreading her legs wider for him.

He sucked on her clit again, this time pushing a finger into her. She instantly moaned loudly, burying her hands in his hair. Harry wrapped an arm around her thigh, holding her in place as he continued to lick at her clit, curving his finger ever so slightly as to make her feel the best she possibly could. She squirmed under him, her orgasm coming on much faster in this position than the last, streaming down her legs, her torso, towards the centre between her thighs where Harry was sucking at her most sensitive spot, pounding his finger into her. She tugged at his hair as she could feel it coming on closer.

“Harry,” she moaned and at once he reached up outside her thigh, cupping her breast in his large hand.

He ran a thumb over her nipples as he flicked at her clit, finger still buried inside her, watching as she started moving and panting and whimpering more and more. He moved his finger faster and sucked her bud, which was exactly what Y/N needed, she cried out, moving her hips with Harry’s fingers. He squeezed her breast, and she met his eyes, seeing his dark green eyes under his long lashes, drinking in the sight of her. He suddenly hit a spot that had fires erupt in her lower tummy. Y/N gasped and let out another loud moan, whimpering under Harry as he licked and fucked her through her orgasm. She did not take her eyes off him and he did not look away from her, ordering her to keep watching till she was completely down from her euphoria.

Y/N was sprawled out panting, smiling as Harry came up to hover above her. She took a grip of his neck, kissing him deeply. He tasted of her.

“I’ll go get a condom in the cottage,” he mumbled. “I-If that’s alright with you, of course. We don’t have-“

“-I want to.”

“Alright. Brilliant.” He stumbled as he got up from the bed in a hurry. “I’ll-I’ll be right back, yeah? Don’t move! I’ll-“ He looked over his shoulder as he stood in the open doorway, a huge sigh leaving his lips as his eyes wandered over her naked body. He shook his head slightly, letting out a chuckle of disbelief. “Fuckin’ hell,” he mumbled before running down the stairs and out of the lighthouse.

It did not take long for him to come back, condom in hand and panting as if he’d been sprinting back and forth. He closed the door again, placing the condom on the corner of the desk beside the bed, crawling back over her again.

“Been away from this for too long,” he mumbled, running a hand over her curves. “And your tits are bloody fantastic, by the way.”

She laughed at him, swatting his shoulder as he reached for the hem of his jumper and tee shirt, bringing both over the top of his head and throwing them to the floor.

“I’d been looking forward to doing that,” Y/N said.

“What, undress me?”

“Yes.”

His eyes seemed to darken a bit. “Take off the rest.”

And she did. Keeping eye contact, she reached for the front of his denim shorts, undoing the button and unzipping him. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, the slight pressure and caress of her fingers against his anticipating and hard prick seemed to do more to him than she thought it would. She hooked her finger around the band of his shorts and boxers, wiggling them down his hips till they were far enough down for him to do the rest. One hand supporting his weight, he used the other one to help her take his clothes off, but her eyes fell to his cock immediately.

It wasn’t like she had thought of it before. Yes, she might’ve had some dreams and daydreams involving Harry and her doing some very filthy things, but she hadn’t really let herself think about his prick. But there it was, and she felt absolutely giddy with anticipation now. She wanted to have proper sex with him; she wanted it so, so bad.

Harry reached for the condom, tearing it open and putting it on, hand sliding down his shaft and to the pubic hair at the very bottom. Seeing the slight trail from his navel and down to it made her mouth water.

“You alright?” Harry asked, that crooked smile on his lips making Y/N’s cheeks heat up. She was already flustered all over, she did not need him looking at her like that. He knew she had been looking and now he was taking the piss. As usual.

“How do you want me?” he asked, voice husky.

She bit her bottom lip, cocking her head to the side. “I dunno.”

He groaned, hovering closer to her lips. She felt him against her sensitive spot, making her gasp. “What can I have?”

She tugged at the hair at the nape of his neck. “I want to be on top.”

That crooked smile came forth again, his dimples deepening. “Yes, ma’am.”

Taking a grip of her waist, he rolled around, making her lay on top of him. His head was on the pillow, right where hers had just been, so Y/N sat up. She took a grip of him, making Harry’s lips part at the impact. He gripped her thighs that were straddling either side of his hips, squeezing her lightly as encouragement. She sat up, bringing him to her, sliding him over the wetness he had caused. He let out a shaky breath, looking to be just as nervous as Y/N felt. She slid down onto him slowly, Harry’s eyes fluttered shut.

“Fuck,” he hissed, and Y/N gasped again.

“Harry,” she said, a little breathless already. “I’ve… I’ve never been on top before.”

He smiled. “That’s fine, here-“ He placed his hands on her hips, urging her to move. She followed his lead, biting her bottom lip hard as her clit rubbed against his pelvic area. “That’s it.”

She continued to grind against him, moving her hips as he was instructing her. Placing her hands on his chest for support, she started moving a little hard, with a little more purpose, Harry’s hands on her thighs a grounding and intense pressure.

“Keep doing that,” he encouraged, letting a moan slip from between his swollen lips. She rolled her hips, loving the filthy sounds they made as the rain kept on crashing against the window. They continued to look into each other’s eyes, not daring to look away as if it would bring them back to reality. Because this was too good to be true. Never before in her life had Y/N felt like this. She felt powerful as she rode Harry, felt a sort of strength in her that had never been present before. It had never been like this with Dominic; it had never been this intense. He hadn’t demanded she order him around, hadn’t been willing or suggested to try new things, hadn’t really done it like this. Harry looked at her as if the world revolved around her alone. As if the centre of the solar system was right here, and he was watching the sun about to eclipse, watching one of the most beautiful and magnificent moments in time. He gripped into her with feverish hands, coming with suggestions every once in a while, always letting her know just how good she was making him feel.

“That’s right,” he moaned as she moved her hips in circles. “Right there. Don’t stop.”

That might just have been the sexiest thing she had ever heard along with his moans. She continued doing exactly what she was doing, feeling her entire body heating up as she could sense her second orgasm that evening. Thinking about it, she wasn’t sure she had ever come twice in one night before. Maybe it was Harry, maybe it was the moment, maybe it was the fact that her and Harry were finally letting their guard down, admitting that there was something else between them besides their fake relationship. People who fake dated each other did not kiss like that, they did not have sex, they did not look at each other like it was all they wanted to do for the rest of their lives. No, this was more than what they had let on. Way more.

Harry sat up, making Y/N fall against his chest as he bent his knees ever so slightly. He placed one hand on her bum and the other on the mattress behind him as to help him move more swiftly. With each stroke over him, Harry thrusted back into her, rubbing at her bud each time and making everything around her seem much more colourful.

“Like that do you?” Harry asked, mouth parted as he panted into her wet lips.

She nodded her head, taking a grip of his shoulders to better move her hips. They moved together, looking into each other’s eyes as the rest of the world disappeared completely around them. The rain, the thunder, the buzzing of the light from upstairs turning on and turning off, it was all tuned out. Harry leaned down, placing one of his hands on her left breast to kneed it seductively. He kissed from her collarbone and down to her breast, sucking and nibbling lightly on her skin as he made his way to her nipple. Sucking it lightly, he looked up at Y/N who was squeezing his shoulders, telling him to keep going. Electricity shot from her tits and down her spine, heating up the fire that was building in her core. He closed his eyes as he sucked and kissed her tits, humming into her and making her moan time and time again. It felt so fucking good. Though she moved a little awkwardly, though they made some sounds together that made both of them laugh and heat up, though they were still trying to figure out what the other liked, this was still the best either had ever had.

As he was closing in on his finish, Harry wrapped both arms around her, bringing her closer to him. They kissed, desperate pleads and whimpers left each of their mouths as everything started setting on fire. Harry moved his hips with her, she tried to continue to move hers along with him, her hips shaking a little with the effort. Harry’s lips parted completely all of a sudden, a furrow appearing between his brows, and she felt it. He twitched against her and she continued to grind her hips, moving him through his orgasm. Looking deep into her eyes, he seemed to completely melt away when she kissed his bottom lip, sighing against him as she herself started getting closer to her second orgasm as well.

“I’ll help you,” Harry said. “I’ll use my hand, if you want?”

“Yes, please.”

He removed his cock from inside her, meeting her eyes as his thumb circled her clit again. Y/N gasped, gripping both sides of Harry’s neck. His lips parted at the pressure, grinning up at her. He brought his other hand forward, slipping his index and ring finger into her while his other thumb continued to flick at her clit. At once she moaned, looking into his eyes as this brought her closer to her climax, fast. She moved with his hand, moaning louder and louder as the fire inside her tummy intensified, feeling even greater than the time before. Harry curled his finger just as he leaned down, sucking on her nipple again, looking up at her through hooded eyes.

Everything exploded and she threw her head back, unable to stop herself. The sound of Harry pounding into her at a fast speed, wet and filthy, echoed through the room with her exclamation of euphoria. Harry continued till she was completely done, watching her as she closed her eyes, breathing heavily above him. Gently, he removed his fingers from inside her, bringing them up to his mouth to lick them clean just as she opened her eyes again.

Y/N felt at peace. Her heart was still thundering away inside her chest, her soul was still intermingled with Harry’s, and they would not let go of one another. They didn’t need that lamp, they didn’t need a lighthouse, they could light up everything on their own. She was sure that at some point tonight, while their bodies grinded together and worked toward climax, they had lit up like the sun. What was going on between them, the cellular reaction, the emotional connection, the physical attraction, it all equated to something. It had to. What this was, was greater than either of them individually. This would forever be marked on their souls. Meeting Harry, spending this summer with him, it had shaped her into a brand-new person. That was, Y/N reminded herself, what love was all about after all. Change for the better.

Harry got a cloth not long after, helping clean Y/N up before they both slipped under the duvet in the lightkeeper room, squished together as the bed was way smaller than what they were used to. Harry ran his hand from Y/N’s cheek and up to her shoulder, his eyes following his hand’s movement.

“I fucking worship you, Y/N,” Harry mumbled, the rain still pouring outside. He caressed his fingers gently over her jawline.

She moved closer to him, wrapping her arms around him. They both closed their eyes and Y/N felt sleep coming closer. She felt so incredibly content, cuddled up to Harry and with the storm raging outside. A couple a seconds away from falling asleep, Harry started whispering against her forehead.

“Play fair with my heart, yeah?” It seemed like he thought she was asleep. That it was safe to say this. “’Cause I’m gonna fall in love with you. You don’t have to love me back, but I’m telling you now, ‘cause it’s inevitable, at one point, I’ll love you. Madly, truly, completely. Just… please… break my heart gently.”

Before she was able to form any sort of reply, she fell asleep.

A/N: If you wonder what the melody Harry wrote for that day spent in St Austell with Y/N and Gracie sounds like, I imagine it goes something like this 🥰

NEXT UPDATE: Sunday, 25 October, 9PM GMT!

FIC PAGE | COME TALK !!!

A HUGE thank you to my amazing and beautiful beta readers! 🌊 @aileenacoustic​​​ 🌊 @bopbopstyles​​​ 🌊 @fromyourstrulyh​​​ 🌊 @harrys-shrooms 🌊 @honeydearly​ 🌊 @summerfeelng 🌊 @watermelonsuger​​​​ 🌊  @withallthelove-a​​​​ 🌊

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x you #harry styles x reader #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles fic #1dff #:DDDD PLS DO COME CHAT ONCE YOU'RE DONE READING MWWAH :DDDD

[sjmsstuff]

The World Was Ending

This was an ask from the lovely @velvet-rays from ages and ages ago (I’m not kidding, it’s been months), I had written a first version and hated it, then a first draft of this, then writers block hit and life got in the way but anyway we’re here.

The prompt was a line from “If The World Was Ending” by JP Saxe and Julia Michaels, ‘I think I’ve figured out how to think about you without ripping my heart out’, for Elucien.

It’s short and I still kinda hate it but here *shoves it in your face* take it.

The dappled sunlight caught the shades of blue in her eyes, the bird calls faded to background noise. Everything quieted when she was near. Like the universe knew anything she said was important and didn’t want to miss a syllable.

Her hair curled softly as her scent wrapped around his throat. .

As always, she undeniably and painfully astounded him.

He clenched his fists against the onslaught of emotions waging terrible wars inside his mind.

Her that night, whispering, then moaning, then screaming. Her hands gripping him, bending him to her will. That polite voice swearing filthy things into his ear. His hands pinning hers, his teeth on her breast. She had begged for it hard and he would’ve done anything to make her shout his name like that again.

Then Lucien remembered the next morning, the bed still warm but now heartbreakingly empty. Her avoiding him for weeks, then the conversation in the garden.

Her hollow words.

Her detached manner.

Now here she stood, in the entrance hall of his estate. Almost a decade too late. Asking for a conversation. Asking for more weapons to destroy him.

“No, Elain, you don’t get to do this to me. I spent years, years, waiting for you. I would’ve waited a thousand more but you told me you didn’t want this. You told me you didn’t want me-“ his voice cracked. “It took me months to get over that but it’s happened. I spent months trying to think of anything but you and thoroughly failing. I wanted to tear my hair out every time I saw you at an event, every time I met with your sister and could smell you in the house. But I. Moved. On. I am done. I think I’ve figured out how to think about you, without ripping my heart out, and now you’re back? I can’t do this to myself again, Elain, I won’t.”

She flinched from his harsh words and his instinct was to cut out his own tongue to never hurt her again.

Elain merely straightened and opened that pretty mouth.

“I never said I didn’t want you, all those years ago. I never said-“

“You think I don’t know what you said? I’ve replayed that conversation a thousand times, I know what you meant Elain, I know that-“

“Then why haven’t I rejected the bond?” Elain was indignant. “Why have I left this connection open between us?”

Lucien didn’t answer. Words crowded the space between them but none could find their way to his tongue. All got lost in the twisted labyrinth of his emotions, crawling off to die in darkened corners as the silence stretched.

“I felt you last night,” Elain’s voice had turned quiet, “I felt you with her.”

“I have every right to fuck who I want.” His throat bobbed. Guilt crowded his soul but he forced it down.

“Is that why you’re here?”

“I can smell her on you now,”

“I wasn’t exactly expecting you to show up at my door.”

“I know and I know you probably hate me but-“

The fire died in Lucien’s gaze, “I could never hate you Elain. But you don’t get to come here and tell me whose allowed to have me, when you don’t even want me yourself.”

“I know-“

“And that night, I knew you couldn’t think about forever and that was fine. But I thought you would have at least stayed till breakfast. Not disappear before the sun had fully risen.”

He had awoken that morning and seen her lying on his pillow, hair fanned out, breathing softly tucked into his side. For the first time in centuries he felt at home. At some point he had drifted back off to sleep only to awaken minutes later to the door clicking shut, her scent fading and his heart cracking into pieces.

Now she stood before him again and the world was ending.

“I had to leave. I regretted what we did.”

Lucien’s broken heart crumbled further, but Elain continued, “I regret that it was a drunken tryst in my sister’s house. I regret that I couldn’t give you what you wanted. I left because I was ashamed, I didn’t regret you Lucien, I was afraid you’d regret me when all I can give you is broken pieces and jagged edges.”

“All I wanted was you. Any small part of you would have been enough, instead you tore me apart too.”

“I’m sorry, Lucien, truly I-“

Lucien cut her off, “Are you only here out of jealousy? Is that it? You knew I was with another and decided you-“

“No,” Elain voice was a quiet crack through the room, but as usual Lucien bowed to its will, “I’m not here to tell you what you can or can’t do. I’m here to offer you a choice”

Lucien held his breath.

“I’m here to tell you that I’m willing to try.,” Elain clasped one trembling hand in another, “If you are willing, I would like to try.”

“I can’t Elain.” Lucien’s voice trembled, “I can’t open myself up for you to crush me again.”

Those long lashes fluttered shut, those delicate shoulders rose in a fortifying breath. She smiled slightly, lips quivering, “I understand, Lucien, and when you’re ready you know where to find me. You waited for me, I’ll wait now.”

With that she turned on her heel.

Lucien watched her go.

Feel free to send me an ask or prompt

All writing tag list: @bookstantrash @perseusannabeth @champanheandluxxury @sayosdreams @booksloverforlife @imsointobooks Let me know if you wanted to be added or removed from my tag list

#sjmsstuff writes #elucien #elucien fic #sjm fanfic #sjm books #sjmaas #sjm

[littleoddwriter]

Sex worker Victor with roman? Sorta smutty with a heart to heart after?

Stay | Roman Sionis x Victor Zsasz | ZsaszMask | N/SFW

Thank you so much for this request, Anon! I really hope you enjoy what I did with it! <3 It got more angsty than I had first aimed for, but also--- I just took this opportunity to finally write the Fic inspired by a few scenes/dialogues from the 'Halston' Series that I've wanted to write ever since I watched it for the first time, so- If any of the dialogue seems eerily familiar - that's why. Hope the direction it took is okay for you anyway. :)

summary; Victor's been Roman's "boy toy" for a while and they both want more from each other; but Sionis is too afraid.

notes; SexWorker!Victor Zsasz; Alternate Universe - Sex Worker and Client; Roman Sionis has BPD; (mild) Angst with a Happy Ending; Hurt/Comfort; Short Sex Scene; Anal Sex; Orgasm; Love Confession; Pushing Until Someone Breaks; Panic Attack; Crying; Begging (not sexual); Embrace.

“Can I call you again?” Roman had asked, looking at Zsasz, who had just been putting his pants back on after their very first night together.

“You can do anything you want, boss,” Victor had replied, a bright smile lighting up his features as he stored away the copious amount of money into his wallet.

“Mh, I like the sound of that,” he had grinned, as he reclined in the pillows and watched Victor stand up and leave for the night.

That was how it had started between them.

Roman would call him whenever he felt like it and Victor would come and fuck him silly, while earning himself a good amount of cash. It was a good arrangement that satisfied both.

Until it didn’t.

Zsasz would sometimes beg Roman to spend some more time with him outside of sex, and so he did. He liked Victor enough. And then he liked him too much. Roman desperately wanted to turn back time and stop himself from actually enjoying Zsasz’s company and missing him when he wasn’t there. Because now he was stuck with all these feelings and desires that he neither wanted, nor needed.

Naturally, he was aware of the fact that he could just stop calling Victor and instead find himself a new boy toy for his pleasure – and he had in fact tried it (and failed miserably, he couldn’t even get it up once); but he was entranced. There was nothing he could do about it, except to use his last ounces of self-control to still push Zsasz away when needed.

Still, none of that changed the fact that he was currently on his knees with Victor behind him and his dick up Roman's ass, as his mind finally quieted down after the day he’s had. Zsasz’s thrusts were powerful – hard, quick, relentless – just like Roman needed it, making the bed shake. Victor hit his prostate repeatedly, eliciting loud moans from Sionis, who held onto the bed’s headrest with such a tight grip that his knuckles turned white.

“Fuck, Victor- Make me come, baby,” he groaned, pushing his hips back to meet his part- acquaintance’s thrusts.

Zsasz chuckled huskily and complied, holding Roman’s hips tight with his left hand as he snaked his right one down to take hold of Sionis’ hard, dripping member. He stroked his cock in time with his thrusts, driving Roman positively insane. No one could fuck him out of his mind the way Victor fucking Zsasz did.

Sometimes, Roman would tell himself that that was the only reason as to why he just couldn’t get rid of the other man, instead of his fucking feelings.

None of it mattered anymore, when he felt the tell-tale hotness and tightness in his thighs and abdomen, before he finally came. Moaning loudly, needy and brokenly, his release came out in spurts, soiling the bed sheets below him.

Only moments later, while he was still coming down from his orgasm, he could feel Victor come in him, his seed warm and wet as it painted his insides.

Both were breathing heavily when Victor pulled out and Roman flopped down on the bed, just narrowly avoiding his own cooling come on the sheets, ew.

Then he fished up his underwear from the floor and pulled it on lazily – for his own comfort only, of course, he wasn’t a modest person by any means after all.

As he lay there, still on his stomach, Roman could hear some of the usual rustling behind him after they’ve had sex as he put his underwear and pants on, and only a moment later Victor was suddenly half on top of him. This sudden change of routine surprised him and he wanted to push Zsasz off of himself and kick him out, but a bigger part of him just wanted to relish in this proximity for a little bit and pretend that he could actually do this.

“You know what?” Zsasz suddenly broke the comfortable silence they had going, “From now on, when I fuck you, it’s on me. I’m not gonna charge you anymore.”

“Zsasz...” Roman started, a little shocked to hear these words come from him – he’d always thought his money was what kept him coming back for more.

“I’m more than a simple prostitute, baby. And I should be more than that to you. So, I thought that, from now on, I could be your man instead, y’know?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Sionis said softly and heaved Victor off of him at last, rolling over onto his back and sitting up.

“Why not?” Victor asked, sitting up as well, confusion and anger twisting his face, “Because you don’t want to be with me? Or just because you don’t want to be seen with me, a boy from the streets who fucked you for money?”

“Victor, don’t fucking do this. I didn’t even say that!” he shot back, his mood turning sour quickly – so much for this post-coital bliss he had just enjoyed.

“No, fuck you. I can see right through you, Roman. I’m nothing but a dick to you, here for your own enjoyment and that’s it,” Victor sighed deeply, all anger leaving him at once, “I just wish you weren’t so afraid of me. You want absolute loyalty from everyone around you. But you also just want them to do exactly what you say. And I’m not like that. I keep stepping out of line. I keep lingering after we fucked. I keep demanding things and tell you ‘no’ sometimes. I know it drives you insane. And I know that you know that I’m loyal. But I’m still myself, and I’m yours. Do you understand?”

Roman immediately stumbled out of the bed and put some distance between them as he walked over to the opposite wall. He was overwhelmed. His heart was beating so rapidly against his rib cage that he thought it was trying to escape. His vision swam and he felt sick to his stomach.

“Why do you do that? Why do you push me away like that?” Zsasz asked heatedly.

“I’m not fucking pushing you away! I just- I can’t have this conversation right now.” Roman tried so hard to keep his temper in check; he didn’t want any of this. Not now, not ever.

“Okay, but this is the problem. We could be a team, Roman, you and me. But, no, you rather push me away whenever we get a little closer. I know you want more from me, too.”

“I can’t do it,” Roman whispered, his voice strained with the effort of holding back all these emotions that clawed at him, “I can’t fucking deal with you. Get the fuck out!” he yelled.

“I love you, Roman,” Victor suddenly confessed, perched on the edge of their- Roman’s bed, “Tell me you love me.”

“Just get the fuck out of the house!”

“No, Roman, I love you. And I want you to tell me that you love me, too.”

“I can’t. I- I fucking can’t!” Roman’s vision got blurry as tears pricked his eyes and spilled, as sobs tore themselves from his tight throat.

Zsasz got up and packed his little bag he always had with him. Then, he pulled his shirt over his head, getting ready to leave. It was all so sudden. Roman could barely even see and he couldn’t stop sobbing violently. It hurt.

“Victor,” he choked out, sliding down the wall and kneeling on the floor, cowering as he convulsed with sobs, reaching his hand out to Zsasz, “Don’t leave me. Please. Don’t fucking leave me! Please! Please! Please! Fuck… Victor, please!” Roman never begged for anything in his life.

As suddenly as all of this happened, Victor quickly walked over to him, crouched beside him and embraced him tightly, rubbing his hands soothingly over Roman’s back and upper arm.

“Okay, I’m sorry, baby. I shouldn’t have pushed you like that. I was being an asshole,” Victor shushed him softly, “I’m right here. It’s okay. I’m not leaving. I’m not going anywhere, Roman. I promise.”

After some more minutes that Roman spent crying and pleading, like he hasn’t since he’d been a child, he finally started to calm down. His sobs morphed into quiet hiccups, until those subsided as well. Even after he stopped crying entirely, he kept his face buried in Victor’s neck, clinging onto him for dear life, while Zsasz kept shushing and reassuring him softly, patiently.

“I can’t say it, Victor. I can’t,” Roman rasped, his voice was so broken and raw now, “I don’t want you to leave me. I’ll be with you, ‘kay? I want it, I do. I just can’t say that.”

“Okay,” Victor replied softly and kissed the top of Roman’s head, nuzzling his hair, “I won’t ever do this to you again, I promise.”

#roman sionis #roman sionis fanfiction #victor zsasz #victor zsasz fanfiction #zsaszmask #zsaszmask fanfic #zsaszmask au #mlm ship #mlm fiction #mlm fanfic

[nessinborderland]

🥺 Damn i love your work so so so much! Could you maybe write a Hatter Smut/Angst oneshot ? ❣️❣️ That would be so ❣️AMAZING❣️ ~ J

Pairing: Hatter x Reader

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 991

Summary: He's dead. He's dead and there's nothing you can do to change that.

Warnings: character death

Notes: Tysm, love! 💕 Okay so, I'm really sorry but there's no smut in here. Just sad angst 😭. It just kind of happened and who am I to defy the universe 😔✌️. Hope you enjoy it tho! I will end up writing Hatter smut eventually anyway.

It’s not possible. No. You refuse to believe that this isn’t a nightmare. You’re going to wake up and he will be sleeping beside you, safe and sound.

He can’t be dead.

But the lifeless body on the table tells you otherwise.

You don’t know for how long you’ve been hugging his body, screaming and crying, calling out his name. You can feel looks of pity on you, but no one dares to touch you. How did this happen? It makes no sense. He wins, every single time. He was supposed to be back in your bed like he does every night. This makes no sense. It only makes you cry harder. What’re you going to do now? You’re alone again.

“Ahh, will you stop the fucking crying?!” someone grabs you by the air, pushing you to the ground. Niragi stands above you, rifle pointing at you, “You’re so annoying. He’s dead, get over it.” you keep your eyes locked on him. Could he have done it? Could he have murdered him? No one moves a muscle to help you in any way. You ignore Niragi as you crawl back to Hatter’s body. He would look alive if it wasn’t for his greying skin and the bullet hole on his chest.

“H-how?” you manage to ask as you cry. “How did this happen?” No one answers. You look at Aguni, just standing there, arms crossed and face stoic. It angers you. How can he act like that when his best friend is dead? You know he has to keep up with appearances, but he could at least show a little bit of emotion. “Aguni,” he shows no sign that he heard you, “What happened? Why weren’t you with him?”

“It wasn’t my responsibility to look after him,” he says, still not looking at you. His tone is so cold it sends shivers down your spine. Silence reigns the room again, occasionally broken by the sound of your cries.

“What’s going to happen to the Beach?” someone says. Mira starts saying something about keeping it a secret, while Kuzuryu claims that he should be the new leader. You hate them. How can they think like that so soon after his death?

“Wait a minute,” Niragi again, “Shouldn’t the strongest person be the leader?” you know what he means. You glance at Aguni; his expression hasn’t changed. Kuzuryu reminds Niragi of the rules; everybody moves up a number. The man huffs; he clearly doesn’t give a shit about the rules. “Who agrees that Aguni should be the new leader?” No one answers. It was clearly not the reaction he was expecting, so he decides to go by force instead. Everyone slowly raises their hands. You give a humorless laugh at his facade of democracy.

“Did you plan this?” you blurt out in Aguni’s direction, “Did you kill him?”

“Watch your tone, slut,” Niragi says, gun pointed at you, “Your master is not here to save your ass anymore.”

“Hatter would not allow this,” Mira says before you have a chance to talk, “If he were alive, he would not have allowed this.”

Niragi laughs, “But he’s dead.”

“Stop!” you scream as his gun hits Hatter’s head. He ignores your pleads to stop, hitting you too when you dare to grab his gun. You fall to the ground, blood dripping down your face from a cut on your forehead. Niragi keeps hitting him, one, two, three, four, five times. You cover your ears from the awful sound of his skull breaking. “Stop, you fucking bastard!”

“Enough,” Aguni says. Niragi finally stops, to your relief. “From today onwards,” Aguni proceeds, “I will be the Beach’s new king.” he finally glances in your direction, “Take her back to her room. Unharmed.”

*******

Takeru had been particularly passionate the night before. The way he kissed you, the way he made love to you, the way he said your name; he had been so loving, so gentle. When he was with you he was Danma Takeru, not the Hatter. When he was with you nothing else mattered. But now, laying in your bed, his scent still fresh in your sheets, you wonder. It was almost like...he knew. Like he knew he wouldn’t come back.

Like he was saying goodbye.

But you don’t want to think like that. You were happy together; you know he wouldn’t leave you. Not like that.

The sound of the door opening snaps your attention. Aguni stands by the door, eyes locked on you. You don’t fail to notice the gun in his hand. You sit up on the bed, waiting for his next move. Is he here to hurt you? You ask him exactly that. He lowers his gaze, shaking his head.

“You need to go.” You stare at him, wide-eyed. Go? To where? You don’t know anything else but the Beach. He gets closer to you, eyes stone cold. He’s here to kill you after all. You close your eyes, waiting for a shot that never comes. He grabs your hand, pulls you up, and hands you the gun. “Pack your things, take this and get out of this place.”

“But-”

“I’m doing this for him,” he retrieves an envelope from his back pocket. “This is for you.” You instantly recognize Hatter’s handwriting, snatching the envelope from Aguni’s hands. You’re about to open it when he stops you. “There’s no time for that, just go!”

You do as he says, following him out of the building. He leaves you at the front entrance, watching as you hesitate.

“Why can’t I stay?” you ask.

“If you stay, you die.” It’s all he says before turning his back to you and walking away. You’re not about to find out if his words are true. So you walk away from the Beach.

A sound makes you freeze in your tracks. A sound you only ever hear in games.

The sound of a game arena closing.

#alice in borderland fanfic #alice in borderland #ima wa no kuni no alice #AiB #hatter #danma takeru #hatter x reader #J anon #submission #one shot

[onlyhereforangst]

WWR

i mean i only had three weeks to get it done so naturally i’m finishing it three days before the next ep airs, would you expect anything less?

Ok we start off hot with a subtly jealous Nick scene and I love it. Ellie is like stunned that such a thing even exists “a covid crush” because lets be honest, she probably has no eyes for anyone else at this point - even if it’s been a YEAR (well 10ish months) a whole ass YEAR since the jail cell scene and can I just tell you I am mad about that. Why they do us dirty and skip a whole dang year?? Why can’t we quick flash forward every couple of months?? I mean I know it has felt like an entire year has gone by in a week, RIP 2020 no one will miss you, but like I wanted to see it 😩 and I better get at least some kind of explanation for whatever the F has gone down between these two from “well what are we gonna to about that as we stand 5 inches apart” to now. I demand this explanation. 

Anyways, back on track here - Nick is jealllllllous BUT different kind of jealous for this man because for once he’s not all dark and broody about it. He’s over here willingly, *willingly* bringing up said jealousy aaaand he’s smiling about it (!!!) because despite them still not being together (where’s the Gibbs’ headslap when you actually need it amiright) he’s not worried about this crush. He knows her feelings and his so it’s like yeah I’m a little jealous but also I’m gooood, I got this one in the bag 😏 (also can I just say I need Ellie to show him he does not in fact ‘have this in the bag’ if he’s gonna act like a little shit and push her away). 

This whole thing about babysitting and not wanting to take care of other living beings is very very very interesting considering they both loved taking care of Charlie (Cody, I blame this on pregnancy brain thank you @thekeyboardninja) in the end AND EVEN TALKED ABOUT PARENTING EVENTUALLY. So like, where did we backtrack??? Excuse me who allowed you to do such things. I’m feeling like they likely backtracked (this was s16 after all) because once again, the dust settled after their super close vulnerable moment and they went and hid behind those stupid walls they both have and somehow convinced themselves that being alone was better for them. IT’S A LIE YALL IT’S A LIE. You being together and taking care of each other is exactly what you need and it’ll be perfect and amazing and just DO IT ALREADY 😭

The team moment with Jimmy is so 🥺 and throughout the episode. I’m not going to touch on that stuff much because this is ellick focused but also because I truly do not need to sob again (even if I called Breena dying from covid like months ago and knew exactly what was coming with all of it but you know, I still cry, it’s fine, I’m fine). 

Ellie knowing Gibbs uses a weighted blanket and Nick doubting her is just comical to me 😂 mini side note before we get into how they have a thiiiiiing and it’s called always getting dibs on the elevator in tandem for months and McGee HOW CAN YOU NOT TELL. These two are so in sync even if they are still spectacularly failing at talking this out & taking that next step. Also months of Gibbs riding down the elevator with just those two…….the third wheeling must be slowly killing the old dude, give him a break you two. 

Tell me why these two have the exact same stance in the bullpen- could you be more obvious?? You rubbing off on each other. And then the walking up to the barbershop scene I caaaan’t. Ellie is SO flirty. Like so flirty. Who is this new Ellie and why do I love her so much. But Nick gives it right back too and her little giggle with shoulder shrug is just perfect. She’s fiiiiinally letting herself *feel* more and let it be out in the open and it’s just so great. I love seeing this character development for her 🥺 walls coming down, being more forward with her flirting and feelings and it’s all I’ve ever needed. Also we’re gonna take a small detour into Nick’s pants I mean the notebook he casually stashes in the front of his jeans like it doesn’t make a person look RIGHT. THERE. Don’t ask me why it’s hot, I don’t know the answers to the universe, it just is. We knoooooow Ellie is loving it’s location there, she wouldn’t mind flirtatiously taking it out at the next stop to “check” where they needed to go. You know, just helping a partner out- don’t worry Nick she’s got it handled 😏😏🔥🔥 Ok back from our detour, when Nick asks if she’s got him and she answers so quickly and almost with the undercurrent of “of course I do how is that even a question I’ll protect you until the day I die” (yes this is what she says), I love. 

Ok since when does Nick like puzzles and how does Ellie know this??? He was most certainly NOT a puzzle kind of guy when he first joined the team so are you telling me that maybe Ellie and her nerdiness (come on there’s no way she doesn’t love puzzles) got Nick into puzzles??? Also also also does everyone remember that time in covid lockdown where literally everyone and their mother did five thousand puzzles because we couldn’t leave our houses? Soooooo is this a nod to Ellie & Nick spending some time together doing puzzles (at presumably Ellie’s apartment because she’d be the one to have said puzzles) and turns out Nick loves them even more than she did???? Is this what you’re making me read in between the lines NCIS? Because I am most certainly ok with this. 

Ooooooooh-kay this 8pm thing for Nick. SO many possibilities. It’s been confirmed it wasn’t Ellie (which I won’t lie was my immediate wish) via Steven Binder on twitter (which I also won’t lie, my angst heart loves it’s something else). My take is it’s something (not another girl though) personal- I would *love* if it was therapy or some type of personal development thing. I think he realizes over the past year he has involuntarily retreated emotionally from Ellie even if outwardly it doesn’t show (no personal space and continued flirting). I think he *knows* he’s doing it emotionally and yet can’t figure out how to stop himself from doing it- like on the outside of his body watching him make a dumb mistake but unable to change a damn thing. SO I feel like whatever this 8pm thing is will play into that. It’ll somehow be related to Nick diving deeper into himself and trying to get more in touch with the parts of himself he loves to ignore/hide/push down. That could be therapy, a self-help class, getting in touch with family (but I don’t think he would feel the need to get secretive about this. i mean he already brought up Lucia to this dude, why would he all of a sudden be ashamed of a dinner/meeting with his mom or dad or something? i just don’t buy that). But anyways back to the point- it’s something Nick feels the need to hide in shame because that’s how he’s been conditioned as an undercover agent who feels the need to be tough and strong for everyone and being vulnerable is WAY too scary (helloooooo enneagram 8 nice to meet you I’m also an enneagram 8 Nick isn’t it fun). 

I don’t know why them talking so casually on the phone, while Nick is getting ready for the day no less is so damn pleasing to me. The simple domesticity of it all because it’s totally something one would do with their spouse is just 🥰🥰 And then their little freaking smiles can THEY NOT. Ellie you like glazed donuts?? Is this some kind of hint? Innuendo? Just a glaringly obvious chance to flirt and you don’t give a rat’s ass you’re in the middle of the bullpen with Gibbs’ listening to your conversation so you’ll take that chance anyways because you’re head over heels for this guy? Either way Nick’s little smirk oof. I think he takes it as all three of those things and he’s *perfectly* ok with it. UNTIL until, there’s always an until with you Nicholas god damn. Ellie nervously asking about NIck’s apartment 🥺 she may be head over heels but she’s still a little shy and unsure. She thought that jail cell moment would break things through for them and yet she’s- not to quote Taylor swift or anything because why on earth would I do that- right where you left her. WHY NICHOLAS WHY. Since we know Ellie has seen and is very familiar with the inner workings of Nick’s apartment come 16x10, I presume he moved, and it sounds like recently. From the looks of this new place it’s niiiiice. For someone who doesn’t like a lot of things (see s14 when he joins team I don’t remember the exact ep sorry) - he sure managed to settle into that apartment quite nicely. It’s furnished well, it’s homey for DC. And if he’s moved into it since after the jail cell, letting Ellie in is likely a big step in his eyes. But we know this has got to be a weird shift for Ellie. Seemingly so comfortable in each others’ spaces and now she hasn’t even been invited over?? Yeah you smell something fishy girl just like I do. Even if Nick has a cute ass smirk at the end of his little charade to hang up the phone. Wipe that smirk off your face sir you owe us I mean Ellie an explanation and a visit to your apartment. SHE WANTS TO BE YOUR HOUSEGUEST. SHE WANTS TO BE IN YOUR HOUSE. SHE WANTS TO BE IN YOUR PANTS WHILE IN THAT HOUSE. JUST LET HER ALREADY. Ok I’m done, moving on. 

Ok the guys opening the doors dramatically to let the one (1) woman on the team make a super badASS entrance is just 🔥🔥🔥 yes love it. 

Excuse me why does Ellie feel the need to completely turn her body from the rest of the team/bullpen to be 100% faced on Nick. Body language don’t lie bitch I see you. And Nick stealing a glance at Ellie before having to answer McGee’s question about roommates…..interesting, very interesting sir. You thinking about how she’s going to react to some rando being in your apartment AND staying the night before she has?? You thinking about making her a permanent roommate?? But of course he turns to quick humor for a hot sec because this is Nick and then shockingly, like actually shockingly (is this that personal development, soul-searching, deep dive into emotional wonderland rubbing off on him??? Is it working is this foreshadowing???) he goes and gets deep on ‘em. And McGee calls him on it and I love it, I really think this is some foreshadowing here. I think we’re seeing some of the work Nick is doing on himself, getting himself ready for as serious as a relationship as he knows it’ll be with Ellie, paying off. He’s thinking about ~*emotional*~ consequences to actions and OOF yes. The growth, I live for the fucking growth. “It’s not easy to get through the tough transitions on your own” you say as you literally tried to do that for actual YEARS until you met this team. Until you met Ellie. Until you realized that emotional fallout was a real thing and you my friend are a terrible victim to it. Because guess what- exhibit A is right here about to ask you to dinner and you gonna turn her down. You quite literally tried to get through a tough transition (re: Ellie’s kidnapping & the two bombs) by yourself. That dust settled and you immediately emotionally retreated, not physically- emotionally. You went back to what you always knew, the lone wolf on your own, endure the tough transition. And yes you’ve been doing some work on yourself, but now- now you realize it. You can’t do work on yourself alone. You can’t go through this shit alone. You need your support system- your person. But that thought truly terrifies you. You’ve realized it but are you ready to act on it? Not quite yet. You might be close, but you still can’t bring yourself to be honest with her yet. When Ellie nervously asks Nick if he wants to grab a bite you can feel her start to (it’s probably been there quite a while but she’s tried to ignore the feeling of him emotionally shutting her out and pushing her away but the houseguest thing brought it back full force) really worry about where they stood. She won’t completely admit it to herself because she knows what was said in the jail cell wasn’t a lie or a dramatization for either of them, but that worry that’s been creeping in like a vine is taking hold. Nick saying “there’s something I need to take care of” hmmmmm I feel like this is SO vague. And probably purposely done so by the writers but I just - if it was solely him bringing the dude back to his daughter’s why wouldn’t he just tell Ellie that? What would be the harm in her knowing this? She’s aware you’ve bonded so why would he not just say that? I feel like there was definitely something else he thought he would go do after it. With all the talk of tough transitions and then his obviously pre-made plans to drop this guy off, I just feel like there was some other task he had planned before McGee called him. And him discussing the reset button (I’ll get to this) just kind of solidifies that for me. He’d been doing a LOT of reflection that day and he had something more major planned, I just wish I knew what 😩 Ok back to Ellie’s response, she’s honestly shocked and a little confused at his ominously vague answer. And I’d wager a tiny bit of hurt is in that expression too. All those vines of worry taking hold? Yeah, that’s why. They even just tightened and made her speechless for a second. The emotional withdrawal she feared was being confirmed in front of her very eyes. Because (at least on our screens) the last time Nick turned down a bite to eat with her? Oh yeah, he was dating fucking Elena. (Once again, I don’t think he’s got another girl but y’all this is the parallel Ellie could easily draw seeing as it was only a few months ago, supposedly.) And he even looks almost guilty about turning her down, like he knows it’s probably hurting her (and their relationship) but he can’t help it. He hates that he’s doing it and the words coming from his mouth (good lord it’s like the end of 17x07 with overprotective/you’re like a sister to me all over again) but he can’t stop it. And then my heart breaks for Ellie when she tries to put on a brave, strong face that claims she isn’t bothered by his rejection yet we all knoooooow 😭😭😭 He gives her a small little “night” and she’s just standing there wondering where the hell she went wrong with this, how she read them all wrong. 

Ahhhhh the glorious reset button, ya love to see it. When he claims he has the opposite problem you can see his faraway look in his eye. You know *exactly* what, or better yet who, he’s thinking about in that moment. He knows he has to stop avoiding his emotional growth with Ellie. He knows he has to stop hitting the reset button the second things between them get real. And I think he’s known this for a while now but is finally, finally coming to grips with taking real steps forward. Taking steps to embrace the vulnerability he’s terrified of. Finally putting that reset button away 🥺

Ellie knowing Nick has one tie is just another swoon moment. Yes I could get dirty with that (see my tags on previous gifsets for proof) but like, also this is so real of them? They know so damn much about each other it’s insane. She may not have even been in his apartment yet but she knows he owns one tie. Like- come on. Nick you think you’re emotionally distant from this woman but my god it’s the opposite. You two are so intertwined you don’t even realize it as you chuckle and try once again to avoid thinking about that reset button. And then Jimmy goes and reads that letter and I sob. Yes I sobbed. Like I said not getting into this part because my pregnancy hormones can’t handle this (I’m barely rewatching this part with audio ok). But Jimmy’s words voiced over a shot of ellick…take my heart why don’t you. “To hear a laugh, and know that your life would change for ever” like come ON. First, Jimmy you slay me and second, all I can picture is Ellie chuckling with Nick in the bullpen showing him the clicker settings and Nick loving it. Nick your life would be changed forever in that moment I hope you knew. Ellie, pulling her arm around Nick’s for strength, support, I just-. Despite the turmoil she’s been going through, the doubts and the worry that’s crept in- she still feels it. She still feels love for this man and knows her life was changed forever when she met him. No matter how long she tried to deny it, she knows. And that little piece of her that desperately clings to Nick getting his head out of his ass and opening up emotionally to her, that piece decides to break that sliver of personal space and lean on him for support. She needs to touch him- the man who she can’t picture losing like Jimmy lost Breena. She needs to feel him still there, even if he hasn’t completely realized his life changed forever because of her- she has. Gripping his arm for the comfort it gives in knowing he’s still by her side, his hand brushing hers as an involuntary “I’ve got you” (even a reset button pusher like Nick can’t help his reflexes). The gravity of the fragility of life weighing heavily on them both, they hold each other. They’ve got each other. And good god is that poetry we just need them to actually fucking TALK ABOUT IT 😩😭

I don’t know if I even have side notes but I do appreciate NCIS paying homage to the utter grief this pandemic has been. Jimmy being the one to lose a loved one was quite honestly the perfect scenario to me. It shows just how cruel this pandemic has been, ripping even the most optimistic, happy people down to their knees in grief. It’s something that shouldn’t be glossed over and I do hope they continue to have this arc of struggling with grief throughout the season. I think it is so relatable and refreshing to see played out legitimately on the screen. I don’t want happy, go-lucky stale content. I want something real and something tangible. Yes I love my mindless entertainment, but it’s also nice to see *real* drama on a TV drama. At least, that’s my opinion 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’d apologize but isn’t that why you’re reading this to begin with? 😘😘

#ellick #ncis #wwr #18x07 #torres x bishop

[carminite-wyrm]

Hero-of-Kvatch!Nyx AU, Part 2!

aka, Nyx continues to not have a great time in the tunnels beneath the Imperial Prison.

Again, story under the cut.

Part 1

The most ridiculous part of this whole matter, Nyx decided, was not the not-daemons (the creatures had certainly looked the part, but they hadn’t disappeared into a cloud of miasma after he’d killed them) he had encountered in the tunnels as he made his way out of the prison. It was the fact that no one had commented on both his injuries, or his tattered uniform that was very much not fitting the ‘high fantasy novel’ aesthetic he was also wrapping his head around.

Even as the brisk pace that the elderly man – who was apparently Uriel Septim VII, the Emperor of the nation Nyx now found himself in – and his entourage set through the tunnels did wonders for working out the lingering stiffness in his body, (as did the vaguely nightmarish path earlier full of the largest rats Nyx had ever seen), Nyx found his mind starting to spiral off into multiple tangents, trying to process the wealth of information he had already managed to gather.

He had died, that was almost an undeniable fact. And then he had awoken in what he was now absolutely certain was a different universe, to find himself in a cell that he was shortly released from by the Emperor of the land of Tamriel, who was fleeing cultist-assassins who had most likely already claimed the lives of his heirs. On top of all of that, the Emperor (and Nyx, apparently), were mixed up in some sort of shared fate or prophecy, that likely had to do with the gods of this realm if Nyx was understanding things correctly.

Nyx was fervently doing his best to try and ignore how the situation was rather similar to what he had just lived in his own world. It had been almost too easy for him to slip back into the role of a bodyguard and defender of a King, to the point that one of the guards, Baurus, had given him several suspicious looks when he had found their group once again, and introduced himself as Nyx.

He silently cursed the lack of his kukris, the weight of the short sword he had found in the tunnels slightly awkward in his hand, as he fended off one of the strange assassins that were chasing their group, the blade nevertheless good enough to sink through a chink in his opponent’s armour. Even the slightest drop of magic to blast some of them away faster would have been useful, but he was fairly certain that the magic he once had was now gone. Dead and gone, vanished when Regis’ body had-

He grit his teeth, shoving that thought away along with the dead body that slid off his blade.

Even if this Emperor Uriel was supposedly meant to die at some point in the coming future, Nyx would do his best to help him avoid that ‘fate’. Quite frankly, he’d had enough of talks of fate and destiny, and the fact that the Emperor looked about as resigned to his fate as Regis had been-

The group halted as they found the way to the sewers to be barred, and Nyx suddenly had a sinking feeling. He readied his sword, just in time for one of the guards– Blades, the Emperor had called them –to call out that it was a trap. He followed them as they tried a side passage, only to find that it was a dead end.

“Wait here with the Emperor,” One of the Blades ordered, as the sound of assassins entering the previous chamber grew louder. “Guard him with your life!”

And before Nyx could even muster up a shred of disagreement, that perhaps leaving their Emperor with a man who they had previously thought to be a criminal, and also visibly injured even if he wasn’t actively bleeding or burning to death was a terrible idea, the two Blades had rushed off to engage the assassins.

“Well, at least this room is somewhat defensible,” Nyx sighed, readying his sword as he briefly gave the room a once-over to see if there was something he could use to barricade the entrance. Finding nothing, he instead took up a post by the doorway, readying his sword. Once confident that he’d be able to see any danger that would appear, he turned his attention back to the Emperor, only to find an amulet with a bright red gem being held out to him.

“…Isn’t that yours?” Nyx asked, a sinking feeling starting to settle into his stomach. This was starting to look very, very, familiar. “Why-“

The Emperor’s eyes were startlingly clear, and kind, as he explained that this would be where he was to die, and that he wished for Nyx to not only take his amulet, but find his last son, a secret son that only another man named Jauffre knew the location of.

“This amulet…it isn’t just some family heirloom, is it?”

The Emperor shook his head. “It is the Amulet of Kings, and must pass to the last of the Dragon’s Blood.”

“…Don’t tell me this contains some sort of great power that only someone blood-related to you can wield, a power that was granted to you by a dragon god. And that it will help to end a world-ending calamity.”

“That…is exactly it.” The Emperor gave him a curious look. “That is not common knowledge.”

“I…I’m not quite sure how to explain it.” Nyx admitted. “It’s…a long story.”

“Take the Amulet, and then in the little time we have left, I would hear what you can tell of your story. Your fate lies past the moment of my death, I do not worry that you will fall with the Amulet.”

Nyx glanced around the room, finding it still clear of danger for the time being, even if the sounds of fighting had moved ever so slightly closer to them. He slowly took the Amulet, tucking it away in one of the pockets in his uniform.

“So…Would you believe me if I said that I’m not from this world? Or universe, probably.” Nyx began. “And that I had died, then woken up in that cell, and then a few minutes later you and your guards showed up.”

The Emperor’s eyebrows creased in thought, before he nodded slowly. “The ways of the Divines are mysterious indeed. But you are here, as I have foreseen. Your origins, or your past deeds, do not concern me.”

“I’ve already lived through this!” Nyx blurted out, before he realised that probably wouldn’t make sense without some level of explanation. “I mean, the events leading up to my death, are startlingly similar to what’s happening right now!”

He agitatedly twisted one of his braids in his free hand, decidedly not looking in the direction of the Emperor.

“You are afraid.” Nyx snapped around to stare at the other man.

“I-“

“Even though we have only just met, and yet you still care enough to fear the consequences my death will bring.”

“I just. Don’t want to fail to protect another person. I don’t want your guards, your Blades, to also fail to protect someone they swore to keep safe.” Nyx muttered.

“Oh.” The Emperor sighed, and briefly closed his eyes. There was a sudden presence in the room, ever so slight and yet Nyx could sense it, almost vibrating through the vein-like scars on his arm, the feeling similar to the rush of power that he had felt when confronting the old Kings of Lucis when he had put on the Ring.

The Emperor opened his eyes once again as the moment passed, and looked straight at Nyx, his gaze this time almost as piercing as Regis’ had been when he had spoken up for Nyx in front of the old Kings.

“Your kindness, and dedication, is a gift in these dark times. I am honoured to have met you, Nyx Ulric, and to have been granted the knowledge of the weight you bore before you were brought here. I regret the fate that has been passed onto you, so soon after your sacrifice in your old world, but, I have faith that you will not only face it, but also surpass the expectations laid upon you by the Gods. After all, this new life you have gained will not be without its blessings.”

“Wait, what do you mean-“

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a now-familiar flare of red magic, and broke off as he spun around to meet the assassin, the enemy’s mace rattling against the blade he just managed to bring up in time. The two traded blows furiously, moving across the room as Nyx attempted to use his free arm to gesture or herd the Emperor back away from danger.

Nyx hissed in pain as the mace briefly slid past his guard, the sharp edges of the weapon slicing sharp lines through the side of his uniform. The enchantments that had once been imbued into the fabric clearly had not survived his appearance in this world, though that was not surprising, given how they had hinged on Lucis Caelum magic anyways. He stumbled back a few steps from the impact, and ducked as the mace came down at his head once again. This assassin was clearly a cut above the others they had encountered earlier, Nyx thought, briefly eyeing the cracked stone where the mace had hit.

The assassin cackled, and moved to attack again, when Nyx heard the sound of stone grinding against stone. He looked around for the source of the noise, and spotted, in that half-second, a figure in red robes, wearing an even-more ornate set of black armour, a wickedly-long dagger in his hand. And that figure was stepping out of a passage that had just opened up, right next to where the Emperor was standing.

Instinctively, he flung his sword at the assassin, bracing himself for the pulling sensation of a warp. And then he remembered.

He no longer had the ability to warp.

“Shit!” He yelled, now scrambling under the first assassin as he tried to reach the new assassin in time, trying to reach the Emperor before– and why was he just standing there?! – the new assassin struck.

His fingers had just skimmed the edges of the hilt of his sword, other hand outstretched to try and push the Emperor or the assassin out of the way, when he saw the knife sink into the Emperor’s heart.

He watched as the Emperor toppled to the ground, the assassin’s knife dripping blood onto the stones. He heard, more than saw, as one of the guards appeared in the doorway and gave an anguished cry.

And then the assassins were attacking them again, and he had no time to further process the situation as he and the guard – Baurus – ended up fighting back-to-back, a grieving desperation in Baurus’ attacks as together, they managed to kill those last two assassins.

There was silence, finally, as the last assassin slowly bled out on the ground, and Nyx watched with blurry eyes as Baurus fell to his knees next to the corpse of his Emperor.

#ffxv #tes oblivion #nyx ulric #uriel septim #hok!nyx au #ficlet #carminite writes #can we get an f in the chat for baurus #and yes this will be a fixit its just that there is angst first

[freigeistundanderes]

Bucky Barnes Valentine exchange Story

Hey, now we can finally say, which author was out secret Santa. I got @fandomsandxfiles-writes​ and she wanted to have a 40`s Bucky - enemies to lovers story. So I hope I somehow hit the challenged and you like it :) I say sorry in advance, since this is my second English written story ever.  Have fun while reading it!  Pairings: 40´s Bucky x Reader 

Word count: 26.368

World War II dominated daily life. Many young men already went there to fight at the front lines, and the other few were still at home, waiting for the order to go. School isn't what it was before. Many boys didn't even finish school and went directly to the base training as soldiers. And soon, the classrooms were empty and only filled with girls. You can imagine how sad the Prom looked like, a room just filled with old teachers and girls with slow music in the background and nobody to dance with. Steve went with you to the Prom just because he failed every medical and physical exam to join the Army.

Bucky was still around, somehow, but he spent most of his time with the base training, and when he wasn't training with the Army, he did for himself. He wanted to be a good soldier, and he tried to protect his country. Basically, a good character trait if it wasn't so stupid at the same time. When he got better in his training, they will send him away sooner and sooner. You didn't care as much, but Steve did. Even tho they both have been friends for a long, long time, they were boys at the end of the day. That means, when one got better in material things, the other got minor complexes. And to help Steve get his wish granted, you started to fill out the Army's application form for him. It was the 4th time you two tried, and of course, he didn't get accepted. The thing was, even when the application form was perfect, it was still Steve. Little, lanky, wimpy Steve, and nobody would take him. You promised to help him, but to be honest? There wasn't a big chance that he would be accepted in the Army, and honestly, you didn't want him to go there. He would be dead in seconds since he could not hold a rifle long enough to actually shoot someone.

Today Steve tried to get into the Army again. You filled out the application and waited outside of the building. You got yourself a bench near the entrance, so when Steve walked outside, he could see you. While you waited for Steve to return with a rejection, you pulled out a letter yourself. You got him a week ago. You tell yourself you didn't have time to open it, but the truth is, you were too scared to open it. One of these official letters from the Army was with the lovely white envelope and the American flag. Your Family name in big black letters on the front and an official stamp over the upper right corner. You carried this thing with you for a week, and it looked like that—bends, wrinkles, and folds all over it. Actually, you know what was in that thing. You know exactly what the letters on the paper inside the envelope. It would probably start like My sincere condolences to tell you… It would sound like he was a good fighter, a good soldier in the middle part. He saved many lives throughout his days in service… and the end would be finished with an excellent old: I am sorry about your loss. Usually, you got a letter from her Father, every week, when he was away in War. For one week, however, you got nothing. Instead of an informal letter from her father, you got this official thing from the Army. You didn't have to be a genius to put together the facts. Your father was dead, fallen in service to protect this country against Nazi's. That was what this letter was about. So no, she didn't have to open the letter to know what was inside of it. Your father died, and now she was alone in this world. She didn't have a mother anymore or siblings.

"An official letter from the Army? Why you got that?" Steve was back and looked over your head down to the letter you held in your hands. "My father," you fold the letter and put it in your pocket again before you looked at Steve. He understands your glace and shook his head and showed you the rejection paper. "You know, when they catch you, you will be in trouble?" "I know, but I think they just don't care" he also put the paperback in his pocket and looked around for a few seconds to took a deep breath. "So what are you planning to do?" you asked him, but he just shrugged his shoulders. "For today? I will meet you later with Bucky. He invited me for another double date" "He will never give up, right?" "Probably not, no. He don’t want me to feel excluded" "Excluded from what? Girls?" "Joie de vivre, I guess" "Does he noticed that he doesn't make it better with the double dates?" "I don't think so" Steve smiled and shook his head. "He isn't the smartest" "I know," you smiled too and stood up from the bench. You looked around a while. Trying to figure out what you want to do next when you saw a poster. It said it would be some kind of new-age science exhibition. "What are you gonna do? For the rest of the day?" "I am going there" you nodded your head in the direction of the poster. "Sounds….. interesting" Steve wasn't thrilled about it. He wasn't too much into technology. "Will you tell me one day what was in that letter?" he started another attempt to talk about the thing you had in your pocket. "It's from the Army, and it's about my Father. I didn't open it now" you shrugged your shoulders and took a step back. "Anyway. See you soon, pal" "Yes. See you soon!"

So you were about to go home, and if you liked it or not, you had to read that letter and see what will happen next. Without your Father, you didn't have an income and you didn't decide what you wanted to do just now. Your Father wanted you to start a Study at a University and creating a great career as a professor somewhere and that the War would be over just then. Was it what you wanted? You weren't certain. Sure, being a Professor at some university would guarantee you significant money and a peaceful future. But to be honest, that wasn't you. Yes, you liked reading but being locked up in an office for the rest of your days wasn't quite your style. And finding a well-paid job as a woman was hard and nearly impossible. Maybe you should try to join the Army too? Just because your Father seemed to be so happy in the Army and you somehow had the feeling that it would be exactly right for you. But on the other hand, you couldn't leave Steve behind. He would never be accepted in the Army. It was bad enough for him that Bucky was taken, but if you apply for it and git accepted too, that would mentally destroy him. He felt useless most of his life, even tho he wasn't. Anyway…. You should start thinking about your future in more detail, now your Father died.

When you arrived home, you noticed that the front door of your house was open. You never leave that door open, so someone must have entered your house. Slowly you pushed the door further open, so you could sneak into the front door hallway. You couldn't hear any noises and the lights were out too. If intruders had entered your house, you would have seen chaos along the way or at least some lights on, but nothing. Slowly, light-footed like a cat, you go further into your house. It was a small house, with just one level, so it was pretty lucid. You nearly reached the end of the front door hallway when you heard a few heavy steps behind you and a deep voice talking to you. "You would be dead by now. If I was a burglar," the voice was Smokey, dark, and had that sarcastic tone in it. Very similar to your father's one, and as you turned around, you saw the big man. He was a little bit heavier build, owned to his age, and probably too many steaks with beer. "Uncle Chester," you rolled your eyes and crossed your arms over your chest. Visits like this were usual for him. He liked being the mysterious part of the family, or something like that. "What do you want here" "Express my condolences to you. Because of your father" "He was your brother" "You can be sure, I know that. But…. Our relationship wasn't the best in the end. I wanted to check in if you are okay?" "Do I look like a whiny, crying little girl to you?" "No. That's why I am worried about you. Shouldn't you…. Cry?" "He was a Captain. He knows how he would die, and I knew it too. We have War, many people will die" "You are soooo mature, little girl" "Don't call me that" "So…. What are you planning to do next? Without your fathers' money, you need a job! Something in mind?" "no. Not yet" "good! I have a job for you!" he stepped towards you and pulled out a letter from the inside, pocked his official army jackets, and handed it to you. "What kind of job? Nurse? Rubble woman?" "Don't be silly" he pulled his eyebrows together and step aside, and looked at the pictures on the walls. "President Roosevelt himself started a military unit called SSR – Strategic Scientific Reverse. The aim of that is to create a super-soldier army to win the War without losses anymore. That force contains the best minds in the free world-" "I can read," you interrupted his monologue for a second to fly over most of the lines in the letter.

What you couldn't see was that your Uncle slightly smiled. You were precisely like your Father and always a big mouth but down to earth somehow. But – not to mention – you were like your Uncle too. Ever a good slogan on your lips with a sarcastic undertone. When Uncle Chester was more often at home during your early childhood, you had great fun together. He and your Father were a dream team when it came down to raising you since your mother died at birth. That was the primary reason why your summarized the best and worst characteristics of your Father and your Uncle in one person BUT the beautiful physic you had from your mother. She was pretty like an angel, with that soft and lovely scented hair, the open and heartwarming smile, and these beautiful, engaging eyes.

When you were finished with reading, you needed to repeat a few sentences again. It sounded highly impossible and stupid for you, but on the other hand, you wanted to see the outcome. "Why you need me? I am not one of the best minds. I am average" "You are average, when it comes to science, yes. But you are instinctive, a good natural fighter, and have a great sense of strategy. At least, those were the words your Father used to describe you to be the last time I saw him. He was so proud of you, that you are not a whiny little woman, like everybody else. You are strong, and I need Strong soldiers. So…. What you say? Are you in?" – "Yes!" you didn't think about it. It was a clear answer to you. It was not because of what your Father told your Uncle; it was about that little inner voice, telling you, you should go. Like uncle Chester said, you had good instincts, and you used them right now. "You do not want to rethink? Final answer?" "I do not rethink usually. I got my choices right the first time" he knit his eyebrows again and laughed a little bit. "You say that now. Sooner or later, there will be a moment when you have to rethink" – "When do we start?" "Hold your horses! I will contact you, but tonight I want you to meet your head scientists" "Why?" "Because we are looking for a suitable man for the Army, and you know this part of Brooklyn the best" "And how do I find this scientist?" "German looking, small guy, with glasses, head, and a beard. You will find him. Look at it, like it would be your first mission" he grinned at you and was about to leave the house.

In the evening, you were dressed up and ready to go. You dressed a bit more fancy but not too much. It was a plain, dark blue dress in knee-length. Paired with simple black shoes and a small black bag for your porte-monnaie. Nothing spectacular but chic.

It took you around 10 minutes to run into Steve and the annoying attachment when you arrived there. Steve looked bored as hell, too, so he looked around and find you immediately. He waved in your direction, and behind him, the personified idiot – James Buchanan Barnes, friends call him Bucky, but you stayed with James. "Hey, Steve" "Hey!" he smiled at you and stepped aside to introduce the other people. "Cassy and Odette, and you already know Bucky" "Hallo, James" "It's Bucky. Please" "You said, your friends call you Bucky. I am not your friend, so it is appropriate to call you by your Birthname: James" "You are refreshingly nice as usual, Claw" "Don't call me that" – "Make me" he grinned cocky looked her directly in the eyes. His glace got replied with pure and clean aversion with a sour, sarcastic undertone. Claw was the Nickname you got from Steve and Bucky, based on your caustic and harsh kind, sometimes "You really want that?" "Don't get me wrong, little Princess. I believe you when you say you can defend yourself, but I think you need a little more for me than just a good positioned punch" "Bucky!" Steve wanted to prevent his best friend from protentional long term effects of that claim. "James – oh James – you should never underestimate a well-positioned punch" now, she grinned back and looked down for a second to make him understand what she meant. It took him a few seconds until he pulled his eyebrows together and took a step back. "You wouldn't!!" "Wanna bet?" "HEY!" Steve went between the two brawlers. "Never mind. We should go" "Woah, wait-" now it was Bucky who intervene and looked confused at Steve. "You invited her?" "No. We run just into each other" "Well, I would say, 3 Girls, is one girl too much, Buddy" "I guess it will be okay for the rest of the evening. You take these two Ladies, and I take her" "But – Steve-" "We are good with that!" one of the two girls finished the conversation, and then the situation was completed. Steve didn't want this in the first place because he knew the girls Bucky brought are just interested in him. Why not, by the way? He was tall, good looking, and charming - the perfect match for most of the girls. And he had this slightly sinister boy aura around him, even when he was a good guy through and through. At least that was what Steve claims every time you two talked.

The expo was enjoyable, overall, but actually, nothing of that really seeks your attention. Many people around here and you were about to find the German one. The funny thing is, though, that most Germans looked like Americans, so it was nearly impossible to find the right man. When you looked around, a recruitment center catches your eye, and you thought about what your Uncle told you. This German Scientist was about to find new Soldiers for the project. So for him being in that center would make the most sense. "Hey Steve," you put a hand on his shoulder to catch his attention. "I have to go. Get something done" "already?" "You seem to be in delightful company, here" "Funny. Really funny" "Okay, bye, my friend" you see him off before you went to the recruitment center.

When you entered the center, it was full of people. It was different from the other centers you went to before with Steve. In this one, you had a nice, colorful and colossal propaganda part right before the testing area, and it was filled with people. A little bit lost, you looked around and tried to find a man, fitting on the description your Uncle gave you. So many people with a beard and glasses, which one would be the German? You looked around for a few more minutes when a smaller man approached you. "Good evening, Miss. Did you get lost?" he had to be in the age between 40 and 60, had a grayish beard and small round glasses. The way he speaks English suggested to you that this isn't his mother tongue. "No, actually I am looking for someone" "So? Maybe I can help? Who do you looking for?" "An educated man – a scientist! A little bit older with a beard and glasses and German heritage" he smiled slightly and nodded slowly. "That would be me. My name is Dr. Abraham Erskine" he reached out his hand to you, and you did the same. "You must be the niece of Colonel Philips?" "Indeed, yes. He sends me here to find you" "And he told me you would come. Let's go over there and have a little talk?" "I would like that, yes" the Doc led you away from the people into a calmer area of the center.

We entered the testing area for protentional soldiers. The Doctor looked behind one of the curtains to check if someone in there. After that, he thrust aside the whole thing to open it for you to enter.

“So you are Colonel Philips, niece? If I got that right?” “Indeed. His brother was my father” “Was?” “He died a week ago in Service” “I am sorry,” he apologized and looked a bit sad and uncomfortable to step into that huge blunder. “Thanks, but we are not here to talk about my dead father, right?” “Surely. Forgive me; I am a little bit old fashioned. Would you mind having a little talk with me first? I like to know the people I will work with” “Fine,” you shrugged your shoulders and looked for a sitting possibility. You decided to take a lounger and pointed at the chair in front of it, so the Doctor could sit too. “Ask whatever you want” “Whatever I want?” “If I do not want to answer, I will not answer. Feel free to ask anything” You wanted to get it over with. You simply didn’t saw the point of meeting the head scientist of the project since your uncle invites you because of your military talent, not your scientific knowledge. Last but not least, your uncle thought that a little change of air would be good for you. He knew you loved your father, and you are too tough to admit it. There will be a moment when you start to crumble, and the pain will rush over you, and he wanted to have you nearby when it happens. Nobody should be alone while mourning. “Why you entered the SSR?” “My uncle asked. I said yes. Here I am” “No other specific reason?” “No, why? Do I need one? This reason is as good as any other reason people have to serve in War. I think the reason doesn’t matter” “Why? Why does the reason doesn’t matter?” “There is never a good reason to start a war and sacrifice many young lives’. You should protect what you believe in, but it doesn’t have to be in a fight; that should be the last option. That is my opinion, but what do I know? I am just a little girl” he smiled slightly and shook his head softly. “Besides the fact who your uncle is, I can see you are not just a little girl” “How would you know?” “I can see it, your eyes” “My eyes…? I am not into that pathetic stuff” he laughed a bit and nodded. “I can tell you are feisty” “Only on Mondays,” “Today is Monday” “See,” he smiled again. “I like you. I like you a lot. You are refreshingly different, and I like young Ladies who can fight for their ideals” “How do you know I can fight?” “Your uncle told me a few things about you. You a good fighter and have good natural instincts” “Maybe” “Don’t be too modest –“ he stopped short to make a little break before he started talking again. “We already have someone similar to you. She is a Brittan Agent and feisty as well. I guess you two will get along just fine. Her Name is Agent Peggy Carter” “It will be a pleasure to meet her” “I can’t wait to see you two working together, but-“ he harrumphed a little bit and put on a serious face again. “I am here to look for new cadets; unfortunately, most of the young boys are already away. You can suggest someone?” “I don’t know many boys around here” “But you know some!?” “Depending on what are you looking for? The brainless muscle monkeys are already recruited” “’Brainless muscle monkeys’… actually, I am not looking for one of these! Your uncle does, but I want someone with a specific characteristic” “Specific Characteristics-“you were interrupted by a nurse who wanted to talk to the Doctor. She entered the room and reached him a file. You didn’t say everything in the file, but you recognized the photo in it. It was Steve’s. He wanted to try again to enter the Army, and it looks like he got caught with his multiple tries. “I am sorry, I have to do something-“he closed the file and stood up. “He has character” “This one?” he opened the file to read the Name again. “Steven Grant Rogers?” “I don’t know what you are looking for, but he has it. Give him a chance to prove it to you, and he will not disappoint you” the Doc looked at you with a stare glace until he nodded slowly. “would you vouch for him?” “Vouch for him?” “Would you trust him with that enough to confide him your life?” “Yes,” you answered strongly, and there was no doubt in your voice. “So, when a strong and independent girl like you would trust him, I should give him that try to prove me,” then he left the little room. Seemed like that you and Steve would enter the same Unit. One reason more to be expectantly about the next few weeks and the little change.

“I am honest, I am death” Steve came up to you and sat next to a dirty box. His equipment was just hanging down from his weak little body. He was in training for about half of a month, and you were sure there was not only one single small part, which didn’t hurt. After he got recruited into the SSR – like you – he immediately started his training to get a better physical change. But besides sore muscles, there wasn’t much of a difference. For your part, you trained with that Agent the Doctor mentioned. Peggy was good in shape and had a piece of excellent knowledge about self-defense and fighting styles. It was a great addition to your own style of fighting. You two trained a lot for the past few weeks and got quick on an equal level of physical strength. Since you were a new recruit – like Steve – you got simple tasks. Peggy trained the other Soldiers while you and your uncle were studying strategic files and everything possible about an organization called Hydra. You also got inaugurated in what the SSR was doing exactly. The Doctor was creating a Serum, and it was going down o deciding which new soldier should get it first. Your task was also to document every soldier’s progress to make it easier to choose. But honestly? You had a few talks with the Doctor itself, and he was pretty impressed with Steve, so you voted for him, and indeed, he was the one. But still, he had to get in a little bit better shape to have a greater chance of surviving the experiment.

Steve was breathing heavily, his head wholly laid back into his neck, as he sat down on the Box. He was initially coming up to you to get some encouraging words from you. And when he didn’t get these, a sarcastic commentary would do it too. He was happy to have a familiar and friendly face around when he joined the Army. He was really great full for you, not at least, because you were closer with Agent Carter and Steve had a thing for her. She was impressive! Intense and intimidating, and she was so confident. She didn’t need to be saved, and that what he appreciated the most on her. She was simply able to take of herself.

After he didn’t get any words from you, he opened one eye and looked up at you. You were standing here, head down and staring down at a letter you hold in your hands. You had a thing with staring down at letters. “Hey! What’s up?” “I god a letter from James” “Bucky? You got a letter from Bucky? Why?” “I don’t know” “An official one or a personal one?” “Personal” she turned the front side of the letter towards Steve, so he could see the bad handwriting. It was a personal letter, addressed at Claw. “he still calls you Claw?” “Guess so…. Why is he writing me a letter?” She looked more confused than ever since he knew her. “I don’t know! What did you do?” “Nothing…. I guess” Steve stood up from the Box and also started to look down on the closed envelope. “You don’t want to open it?” “Should I?” “Otherwise you will never find out what is in there-“ “ROGERS!” from far away, his drill sergeant was calling for him. Exhausted, he gave a loud groan and started running towards the other members of his Unit.

You just stood there and looked down on the envelope for a few moments, when you shook your head, turned around the letter and opened it. It was childish, not to open it and as you knows James, it will be a stupid prank or something like that. You should get over it and return to your tasks after that. Against your expectations, it wasn’t silly pranks or an inappropriate picture of something. It was an actual letter, handwritten in the worst handwriting you ever saw. The first line said: Hallo Claw, and after that, there were many other lines, and even the backside of the paper was written. On the piece, itself were little dirt stains. After a fast-flying over the lines without actually reading them, you turned around the form and saw the last line: See you soon, Bucky. This was more than just strange. It was entirely out of imagination! You sat down on the Box and started to read the letter, from beginning to end, every single word of it, slowly.

It took you a while to read through the whole letter. The handwriting was awful, and you had to guess every fifth word, and you tried to analyze it. To find the mistake in the word choices to uncover this letter as a prank, still. That James paid someone to wrote you a note to evoke the false belief in you, that he might not just hate you. You had plenty of reasons to be suspicious about it. You didn’t realize how long you sat there reading when a heavy breathing Steve returned to the spot where he left you. “I see you opened it ---- what did ---- he ---- wrote?” he pressed out the words between his intense breathing, trying not to collapse in front of you because of exhaustion. “Basically, he said, that he liked our conversation and that he hoped we had that earlier. We had more in common than I would know now, and that he didn’t know how much he would miss female intellectual interaction. And that he started to get more sarcastic and sharp-tongued because of me – Honestly? I didn’t see the meaning behind the letter” you wanted to hand it over to Steve, who just blocked that try. “He wrote the Letter to YOU. It’s yours now” “He probably didn’t write it anyway. One of his Unit buddy’s wrote it for him to confuse me. I strongly believe that!” “You think so? I know that handwriting; it’s Bucky’s!” “Then he tries to tease me from the front line? Great! Not even during the War, I am safe from him” you rolled your eyes, fold the letter back and put it into the envelope, and stood up. “We have things to do, Steve! Tomorrow is your big day” “I know. That why the Sergeant didn’t let me run the extra mile” “He seems to be nice” “Nice? Ever meet him?” “A couple of times” “I am giving up! I just want to take a shower!”

The next couple of weeks didn’t feel like a success in military history. It was more like monkey business. After Steve’s transformation, you thought he would be trained to be a severe soldier. Still, instead, he was turned into a breathing action figure. He had to do press tours, movies and sing stupid jingles. And from looking at the disappointment on Steve’s face, you know he felt the same. You decided to stay with Steve and distance yourself from the duties of the SSR for a while. You didn’t want to let him alone with all these mindless people, such as today. He was told to say some encouraging words to the soldiers at the front. They put up a stage for him, where he could stand on and talk. And they forced him to wear that bad, bright-colored stupid suit. And then he was standing there. Reading the pre-written words to the soldiers, which didn’t even want to listen. He was a super soldier and supposed to fight for his country, but instead, he was a trained monkey in a circus.

Not what he imaged and not what the soldiers wanted to see or hear. It was a disaster; it couldn’t get any worse. And if this wasn’t enough, Steve listened to the news that Hydra had captured the 107th, therefore also Bucky. He tried to convince your uncle to start a rescuing mission, but there was no chance he would allow that. Hydra had a reputation for capturing soldiers and using them for experiments. So if these guys aren’t dead yet, they might be soon. But would that stop Steve? It was about saving Bucky, and he would do it, without any doubt, and he wouldn’t think twice about it. So he and Peggy tried to convince Stark to help them. So it was up to you to take your uncle busy until these trees are gone on the mission.

“Where is Rogers?!!!” Your uncle slam opens the door into your room with a shattering noise. He wasn’t happy – actually, he was pretty angry. He knew something like that would happen, but he hoped that these three idiots would be more intelligent than trying to attack a Hydra base on their own. You got a little frightened and crumbled the paper in your hand a little bit. “I know that you know the answer, and I want you to tell me. NOW!” he entered your room and build himself up in front of your sitting person. You were resting on your bet and had all the letters from James in front of you. You somehow felt rereading them, since there was a possibility these were the last written word of him. In case of his death, you wanted to send them to his sister. “Strolling?” “Strolling? Are you taking me for a fool? I know he is not strolling! What are those?” he flies over the lines of a few letters and couldn’t see an author of these.

After all, you are still his niece, and after your father died, he is somehow – your chaperone now. “Nothing” you wanted to put them together to stuff them somewhere out of sight when he was faster and grabbed one of these. He read through the lines and raised one eyebrow. “Sergeant Barnes wrote you these? That fledgling? Never knew you would be interested in that kind of man” “It’s not like that” “it is not? These letters are pathetic and greasy love letters” “They are not” you shook your head and stood up from your bed. “These are just letters from a man who was bored at the front” “Bored at the front?” your uncle laughed at this. “You are not bored at the front because you are pretty busy not to die. He wasn’t bored, he took the little glimpse of free time he had to write you. That’s not nothing” “You interpreted it false. James Buchanan Barnes is a prankster, a childish little boy, and a womanizer. He would never write this with a serious background” you shrugged your shoulders. “He just wants me because I don’t want him. I actually couldn’t stand him” “Mhm,” he nodded and knit his eyebrows. “So why are you keeping these then? Quite a lot of letters and effort for a man who is just joking around” “You don’t know him” “Well if he is friends with Rogers, he can’t be too bad of a man” “He is an idiot” “All man are idiots! That’s in our genetic code” “Ahhhh that would explain a lot” “Stop that!” He pointed with his index finger at you with that stern look on his face. “Back to the essential! I know that you know where Rogers is. Tell me! Now!” “I don’t know” you shrugged your shoulders, and your uncle looked even angrier at you. He wanted to say something when he heard something from the outside, so you two decided to go outside.

As you went outside the door, you could see how a bigger group of soldiers is coming towards you. All ahead was Steve, and on his left side, you could recognize Bucky. Guess you didn’t need to send the letters to his sister after all.

“You know this idiot?” your uncle standing next to you when you were looking at Steve, bringing home the soldiers from the Hydra base. You were so proud of your little friend from Brooklyn. “Idiots. I know them both” “Both?” “The on his left side? That’s Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. The reason why he started this whole thing” “Barnes, huh? I assume he is his friend?” “Best Friend” you corrected your uncle and smiled slightly. Of course, Steve would do something stupid as running into a Hydra base just to save Bucky and man he didn’t know. It is Steve! He is doing these things, and that’s why he is Captain America.

When they entered the camp, Steve was about to talk to Peggy, and it was lovely. You noticed the little growing thing between them, and it was beautiful. Peggy wasn’t like all the girls Bucky had in mind for Steve. She was just right for him because they meet on the same level. She never looked down on him because of his small physical size. She respected his character and values in every shape he was in. And that’s why she deserved Steve. She liked him as a little boy, and she can have him as the soldier he is now. You were good with it, and they both liked each other. They just didn’t confess just now. While Steve talked to Peggy and a short cheers on Captain America, Bucky was stepping out of the line and walking towards you. What will happen now? What will he say or what will he do? Somehow, you had a strange feeling in your stomach. It felt like itching and tugging, as someone with a stomach bug would feel, shortly before they vomit. “Hey” he put on that crooked smile you already knew, Nothing surprising. Somehow, the little girl in you imaged his first words to be more pontifically or…. something like that. Good to know that some things will never change. “As I can see, you are not dead. Now I have to write an apology letter to your sister. We already informed her of your passing” “You are looking good too, Claw” “I was serious” “I know. Did you get my letters?” “Well…. Yeah…. What was the deeper purpose of these?” “Deeper purpose?” “Yes! Why would you write me letters? We didn’t like each other” “Sure about that?” “Well I assumed based on our shared past, James” “James? We are still at James?” “Isn’t that your name?” “Uhm…. Yea, it is” he looked down for a second before he raised his glace again and seemed a bit subdued. You knit your eyebrows in confusion. Did you say something wrong? What you said was the definite truth! You didn’t get the meaning of the letters, besides the fact that they were actually lovely and you two – indeed – didn’t like each other enough to receive these letters. Then you started to look down on his ripped and dirty clothes until you saw a big bloodstain near his stomach. “You-“ you reached out your hand for the stain, to feel if it still was wet. Surprisingly, the loose looking clothes are pretty narrow, so you could feel his muscles under it. “a doctor. You need a doctor! Medical…. Treatment!” “Some of the guys are worse than me” “Now” “Hey, Claw. I am fine. Don’t worry. Wait…. You wouldn’t worry anyway, right?” “That – That’s not fair! You should go and see a doctor” “I will” he stepped back and run past you. Why was he angry this time?

When the doctor was about to finish his treatment with Bucky when you slowly stepped into the room. He was sitting on a lounger without his top but about to put it back on. You could get a view of his upper body and how perfectly smooth it looked. Not a single scratch, not a scar, or anything else. The doc put his stuff together and left the room directly. Seemed like James was the last patient on his list for the day, and then there was silence. Big and uncomfortable silence. He was mad at you, but for what? For you being confused about friendly letters, which he had no reason for? It's not like that you two ever had a long and pleasant conversation before, so he had no right to be that angry with you! "I am confused" you took the word and looked strong at him. He listened to you, shook his head, and pulled on his shirt in one quick and smooth movement. "Why do I got these letters from you? We weren't that close before, so I have every right to be confused, and you never explained it! In none of these letters!" "You read them? All of them?" "Well…. Of course, I did!" "And you still call me James?" "Okay!" you raised your hands and blow entirely off. "Why is it so important to you how I call you? WHY?!" "it just is" "Okay, fine, I call you Bucky. Happy now?" "A bit" "Tell me why!" "Just means I am closer" "closer? Closer to what?" "Don't mind, Claw," he winks at you, and indeed his mood got better, and he isn't mad anymore? Jesus, this MAN is driving her CRAZY!

"Don't call me Claw" he smirked and stood up from the lounger, then he came close to you, very close. He stood directly in front of you, so close, you could feel his body heat on your own body. He lowered his head down to your ear and whispered something in it: "you will always be Claw. See you tonight" "Tonight?" "There is a pub down the street. Come for a drink" "You invite me for a drink?" "I do" "Is it poisoned?" you asked him, what make him laugh. "Not yet" "But later?" "You have to try" "What an enormous stupid idea to go for a drink which is protentional poisoned! You think I am stupid?" "No. Actually, I think you are quite intelligent. I can't force you to come for the drink, but I would love to see you. Please come" more than just confused, you got left behind buy Bucky. What was that? Honestly, what was that? What the hell was that?! James Buchanan Barnes, you ---- Jerk!

"If you want to hear my opinion. A boy will always be a boy. If he was like that before the War, he would not change much" Peggy turned a few times sideways before the mirror and smooth her red dress down. She put it on because she will go to the Pub where Steve and the other from the 107th are. She wanted to see Steve and want to have a little talk with him. You, on the other hand, didn't put anything fancy. Actually, you had your nightwear already. You didn't plan to go to the pub, even though Bucky would be happy about it. This situation was too confusing for you, and you decided to get more distance to the problem. You wanted to look at it more detailed and with a clear view. Bucky behaved strangely, and everything started with these letters, so you asked Peggy about it. You told her the whole History with Past and present, and she said that he probably is just playing around. Nobody goes from enemies to lovers in that short period, without spending time. It was only not possible. The first letter was friendly, but there weren't any signs that he would send her one. Letting the situation cooldown would be the best for her and that precisely what you will do. Let the case cool down! "You look good, Agent. He will love it" "who?" "You know who I meant" "Possible," you smiled, and Peggy smiled too until she went out of the door.

Meanwhile….

"You look nervous. Why are you nervous?" "I am not" Bucky grabbed his drink and took a sip, but when he heard the door opening, he immediately put down his glass, leaned back, and looked at the door. "Of course you are not nervous" Steve smiled and sat next to his friend at the bar. "It's not nervousness, Steve" "Then tell me what else it is?" he poked his friend, who didn't answer. He just shook his head with a decent smile and grabbed his glass again. He knows this kind of behavior from Bucky. It's about a girl, he is waiting for a certain girl to come in, and the clue was, Steve already knows which Girl Bucky had in mind. What stumbles him was the reason why he chooses her. Before the War, when they were in school together, he never showed special interest in her. It was quite the opposite; he was absolutely not interested in her. He avoided the contact and chat with her after that little accident with the dress. And she? Well, he made her feelings about Bucky more than clear: she hated him from the bottom of her soul. So maybe it was just a typical boy who wants what they can't have in a situation. That would at least the most logical answer to that whole surreal scenario. "Did she read them? The letters I send her?" "She did. Although she was skeptical. Until the 6th or 8th letter, she thought, a friend would write them for you, and you just send them to her to make fun of her" "did she really thought that? That it was a bad joke?" "Well, Bucky-" Steve laughed a bit and shook his head. "You can't deny that these letters came out of the blue! Before that, you never had a good talk without me preventing you two from killing each other. So getting these nice written letters was indeed a surprise, and she had a good reason to be suspicious" "Looking from that perspective…. What did I though? That was a stupid idea" Bucky pinch together his face until he took his drink and finished it in one sip. "Buck… what did you expect from her?" he thought about it for a second when he shrugged his shoulders. "Nothing" "But Bucky-" "Hey Steve, let's not talk about it anymore, okay? It was something stupid, and we put the veil of forgetting over it, okay? It never happened" "But it did happen, Bucky, and now you confused her. So what is the overall plan?" "There is no plan, man. It was just-" he hesitates a second and looked down into his empty glass. Yeah, what was it, Bucky? Was it just boredom why you wrote the letters? Was it desperation? Homesickness? Desire? And unsolved puzzle? The Only woman who doesn't thirst over him? The only one he couldn't conquer? Was it even a little spark of love? He didn't know; it was just a right and good feeling writing these letters to her. He was at the front; things are different there. A fallen friend from his Unit wrote letters to a girl he didn't even like, just because he wanted to. These were nice letters too. He didn't care if she read them or burn them; he just wanted to write someone, something nice. In addition to that, it has to be mentioned that this guy joined the army because he didn't have family left. So writing that girl was the only option he had, and he liked it. Bucky hadn't the same situation. He could write to his sister or Steve. It was not like he had nobody to write to, but writing to her just felt right. "Just nothing serious" he shrugged his shoulders and put on a solid smile. "Sure…" at that moment, it got silent in the room, and everyone's head was turning towards the door. So did Bucky and Steve looked in the same direction. It was Peggy in a stunning red dress, which fit her body perfectly. She was coming directly up to Steve and Bucky, but she just saw Steve. "Captain," "Agent Carter," "Stark has complied some equipment for you. You should come and try it" she looked over to Bucky for a second, who smiled nicely at her, but she just stared him down with that steel brown eyes. He got a little bit scared, but he liked the woman who can keep up with him. In the background, she heard how Steve's man are starting to sing again. "I see your top squad is preparing for duty?" – "You don't like music?" Bucky asked her question, but her eyes and attention were just on Steve, and he was invisible to her. "I do, actually. I might even – when this is all over – go dancing" – "Then what are we waiting for?" he tried another approach at the beautiful Britain agent, but she still ignores him completely. "For the right partner," she smiled slightly. "Tomorrow, 800 captains" then she turned away from the boys and walked out of the pub. "Yes, ma'am! I will be there" "I am invisible" Bucky shrugged his shoulders and looked at Steve with a satisfied smile, that his friend got the beautiful lady this time. "I-I am turning into you! This is a horrible dream" "Don't take it so hard-" Steve pad his shoulder and smiled too. "Maybe she's got a friend! Oh right, Claw is her friend!" "Haha – what?" "You heard it, Claw and Agent Carter are good friends since they met a couple of months ago. They trained together and work well as a team" "You mean that your hard-boiled, sexy, badass British nearly girlfriend is friends with Claw?" "Yeah," Steve nodded his head, not aware of what that meant for the boys. That was a disaster, like – ENORMOUS disaster! "Steve! Agent Carter and Claw are friends? Like… friends?" "Yes? Did something hit your head?" "This is bad! You can't have your best friend and your girl be best friends! They will form an alliance and have all the power to destroy us?" "us? Why us? You have problems with Claw, not me. And I survived this constellation the past few months pretty good, so I am not worried – oh wait! You are worried about your ass" "I am" Bucky nodded his head a few times fast. "Because your pretty but deadly Agent for sure has some tricks upon her sleeve and Claw? Oh, we both know she is full of surprises. I am dead. Officially" "You overdramatize it, Bucky. They are cool" "Yeah, with you, mister perfect blond hair" "Okay, you know what-"Steve raised his hand and ordered a few more drinks. "Let's have a good night! Cheers, my friend!"

While Steve and Peggy were with Stark to test out some new weapons for Steve, you took the chance to use the training room for yourself. It was an excellent opportunity for you to think about everything that happened the past two days. You spend your night rereading the letters to find a hint to solve this situation, but there wasn't. These were just lovely written letters from Bucky to you. Nothing more about it. Just words. Just nice words!

You punched the punching bag a few times pretty hard so that the chain with which it was attached to the ceiling rattles a few times loudly. So when it was just a nice word, written down on a dirty piece of paper, make your thought circle and skip all the time. It was a thug and war game in your head between, admitting that there could be a deeper meaning behind it and just brushing it off and don't think about it anymore. As much you want the one, the other was alarming. And there was this little voice in the back of your brain, saying that you initially hated Bucky. But why is something in you wanted to deny that you hate Bucky and want it to be something? Well, he was indeed a handsome man, and for sure, he could be nice. She has letters to prove that there was something good about him, but why did she initially hate him? It was clearly not just because he vomited on her dress one evening. No, she wasn't superficial like that.

While you lambasted the dummy in the training room, you didn't recognize how someone was entering It. He lends against one of the exercise equipment's, with arms crossed, that little smirk on his lips and looking at you. You noticed him in the corner of your eye and stopped your training. You were sweaty, and you were out of breath, but you liked it like that. A hard training session helped you to clear your mind. "Steve told me, you have a tough punch, but I had no clue" "Because you underestimated me all the time" "Ohhh did I? What a horrible mistake of mine" "Right" you nodded your head and went over to the place where you had your stuff, a little town, a water bottle and a jacked for leaving. You took the city and wiped the sweat away from your face. "You weren't in the pub Yesterday…. I've waited for you" "I-I had…. Stuff to do. Some documents to check and things to think about" "Mhm" he slowly nodded his head and repel from the what he lend on and walked towards you. "Were you successful? With the documents?" "Uhm-"your thoughts went clear for the blink of a second. Did you ever mention how unbelievably clear and beautiful his eyes were? This kind of blue was so light, like a nice clear blue sky. "No," your voice returned, and you shook your head. "There was nothing helpful in these documents" you knitted your eyebrows and took a step back. He was coming unusually near again. What was wrong with him? "Bucky…. What you want from me?" "What I want? From you?" "Yes. I have no problems with admitting that I am confused by your behavior" "You are confused by me?" she smiled a little bit brighter and honest. "That's-"you rolled your eyes. "That's not what I meant! You just behaving oddly! Tell me what's up, now!" "You don't like that?" "Liking what?!" "Liking it when I come near to you? Writing these letters to you? When I devour you with my eyes?" he wanted to get all seductive but no chance. That sounded too stupid for her taste. "Bucky, you know we are not in one of these movies from the theater? Devouring me with your eyes is not the kind of phrase which makes me melt for you" you blink at him and turn away from him. "Indeed… I think a woman who fell for that have very little self-respect" "Claw, come 'one! You can't tell me you didn't like this kind of cheesy! Everybody likes that!" "Ohhh, now I get it" she turned back to him and smiled herself. "I am just a target on your list, and you get frustrated because I am not thirsting over you! Like most of the girls back home? So predictable. And I thought there would be more behind it. Guess it is just the game of an unmatured little schoolboy" you waved it off and wanted to grab your thinks to leave. You were almost out of the door when Bucky asked to hold you back. "Want to hear a funny story?" you give a huge sigh and roll your eyes, but you turned around one more time and crossed the arms in front of your chest. "Sure" maybe he will give up after this story. You didn't want to be the center of a stupid game. If you wanted to have the attention of a man, you wanted it to be real. And when it comes down to Bucky and you, there was just real aversion. "Yesterday – when I waited for you in the pub – I talked with Steve. He told me you were confused about the letters. Maybe I shouldn't have written them in the first place since they came out of the blue" he knit his eyebrows for a short second, and for a moment, he looked lost, but then he regained his confidence and smirked at you again. "I never hated you, Claw. Never" "If that is true… why all these arguments, the comments, and that eye-rolling? That's doesn't make sense!" he wanted to come a little bit closer and smiled slightly. "You don't know about boys, right?" – you wanted to answer when you heard the door and a view voices. "Anyway," he cleared his throat and did a few steps back and folded the arms behind his back.

You glanced up and saw some guys from his Unit standing there, ready to use the training room. Then you looked back at Bucky, who tried to avoid any eye contact with you. That was the reason why you couldn't stand Bucky. He might be a good guy, but he changed his behavior, depending on who was around. Before these guys were here, he tried to be friendly and even tried flirting but now? He put so much space between you two as possible. "James," you said his name softly but with a disappointing undertone. You weren't disappointed that his flirting was just for his fun. You were disappointed because Steve felt so proud about Bucky being his friend. He would be so devastated when he finds out how Bucky behave. "Sergeant," you elongated your shoulders and nodded the head slightly to leave the room. At least you got your answer now, how to value these letters. You shouldn't value them at all, there is the product of a man who is just playing around, and you didn't have time for that. At the end of the day, it was War, and missions had to be planned.

The next few days, you brought as much space between yourself and Bucky as possible. You couldn't stand inconsistency, and Bucky was full of that. Anyway, it wasn't your problem anymore, since you discredited him for your greater good. He would take too much attention from you and your work, and right now, you needed all of your attention. The first mission of the Howling commando will be today. Tony, Peggy, your uncle, and yourself took days for the planning and researching. Since it would be a Hydra Base you are attacking, accurate planning was a necessity. That included calculating all the skills of the Commando itself. Peggy and your Uncle took the central part, planning the attack itself, with time management and others. Your domain was analyzing the abilities of Soldiers, that included Bucky, much to your chagrin. But luckily for you, most of Bucky's skills were written down in his military file, and you doubt that he learned new things. So it was an easy thing to calculate their skills into the plan. Even though many great minds worked on this plan, it was a weak one. You didn't know enough about the Hydra facilities, so you guys planned with some sort of puffer zone for mistakes. That's not the best Precondition for doing such a dangerous mission, but it will go well with a super Soldier like Steve. At least you hoped it for Steve. Lucky for you guys, there was a Hydra base basically around the corner from your Headquarters. So if something would go wrong, there are definitely safe options for retreat or reinforcement.

It was about 3 hours in the mission. You and Peggy were sitting the underground base at the big round table, with all the Plans for Today's mission. You had a walkie-talkie with you in case the guys needed help or further instructions. While Peggy was a little bit stressed and nervous, you were definitely calmer. You knew that Steve would be hard to kill since his wounds will heal faster and his overall senses are better. "How can you be so calm?!" Peggy grabbed the walkie-talkie aggressively and starred it down. Then she stood up and walked around like a chirpy cat. "It's Steve! He is your friend!" she tried to convince you into being worried too. "Steve is a super Soldier; he will manage to return" "And the others?" "They are with Steve" you smirked slightly and got in a more comfortable sitting position. You put your feet up on the seating surface of another chair, leaned back in your seat, and put your hand behind your head. "So much can go wrong! We should have planned it better! More details, and we should have trained more for it" she shook her head and turn over the mobile radio in her hands. "A-And the other one? Sergeant Barnes? I saw you talking a lot a while ago" "You really want to talk about it, right now?" she stopped walking for a second seemed to rethink her choice of Smalltalk. "Yes, why not" she shrugged her shoulders and set down a few seats away, and throw the Walkie-Talkie on the table. "This is what women do, right? Talking and doing nothing" after that, you have to laugh. Yes, that's what women are supposed to do at this age. "Agent Carter, we both know that women like us are supposed to do more than that," and Peggy had to smirk too. "The guys are fine, probably. Maybe already on their way back home. So do not worry too much about Steve" "I- I am not-!" she wanted to disagree, but you just raised your hand and shook your head. "I might not be a delicate woman, but I am no stupid. I can see, and I can interpret. Just an idiot would miss the chemistry between you and Steve" "Chemistry? That sounds like a pathetic movie" she rolled her eyes and sighed. "Even strong women are allowed to have a crush on a very handsome, nice, gentleman soldier with flawless blond hair and a demigod build body," you winked at her. You might be able to see a little glint of red around her nose. "I can relate, don't worry. Who wouldn't be interested in a 1,83 cm tall man build of pure muscles, right?" "I am not that superficial!" "I know!" you nod your head shortly and smiled warmly. "You like Steve because of Steve. Because of his values, principles, and character. Not because of his physical experience. I just want to say, it is okay to have a crush on him. Even though we are strong women, we are allowed to have feelings for someone else" "Is that so? What about you? You and Sergeant Barnes? Hm? You tell me I am allowed to fall in love with someone else but look at you! All cool and cold about the Soldier" "Me and Barnes? James Buchanan Barnes? The Womanizer from Brooklyn? No thanks," you shook your head and thought about Bucky for a second and shook your head again. "No! Never possible" "Sure" "I mean, he is too ---- too Bucky" "too Bucky?" "Yeah, you know, too smooth, charming with that crooked but somehow alluring smile and – you know – the optical appealing physic" "So…. You think he looks good?" "No, that's not what I meant" "That's what you said" "I just…. Analyzed it on a neutral basis!" "If you feel better about yourself if you say it like that," Peggy shrugged her shoulders and turned her back on you. What you said was nonsense. Looking for all those little things about a person, it not just analyzing them. It's giving them this special kind of attention, where you try to find as many little things as possible. "Steve told me about you and Bucky and your rough relationship" "What?! Why did he-" "For research purposes," Peggy interrupted you and turned around to look at you with a little smirk on her lips. "That there is a special kind of tension between you two is obvious. I needed to know if it is helpful or hindering for future missions. If there are problems in the Team, I should know, and he mentioned the thing between you two. I always thought that men are the underexposed gender, but in this case, it's you who is not getting it" "Getting it? Getting what?" "Sergeant Barnes" "Bucky? There is not much about him to get. He is a man; he likes boobs, hips, and most importantly, a lack of brain" "Sure about that?" "You are already the second person who is asking me that. Yes, I am sure! I do not change my mind on things; I am usually getting things right the first time, and James Buchanan Barnes? He is egocentric, idiotic, self-assertive, and the general opinion that a woman will immediately fall in love with his pretty face. So, what is there that I do not get about him?" "You actually have no clue, don't you?" you give a huge groan of annoyance and stood up from your chair. "Call me when they returned from the mission and how it went. I am sure Colonel Philips has something to do for me which is more sense full than…. Waiting," you turned your back to Peggy and wanted to walk out of the room when she mentioned something towards you, which throw out of the line a bit. "he likes you; that's why he behaved like this. I can't say if it's love but measured by the amount of time he has a crush on you, I would suggest it's something like love. Well, you can never be sure with men, but I am pretty sure he likes you" – "That's-" you turned around for a second and shook your head. "He is a little schoolboy who likes to play pranks and joking around. He was never serious about anything or anyone besides the friendship with Steve. It's just…. Bucky" "One of the many things I learned from my brother is that boys show affection by being extraordinarily annoying and mean towards girls. They think it would make them cooler and gives them the Bad Boy Charm. Obviously, it didn't work in that case, but I am sure sergeant Barnes has a little thing for you" Instead of answering her, you just left the room. The guys will be fine and probably back soon. Originally you wanted to ask your uncle for something to do, but now, you just wanted to have a strong and big drink. So you headed to your room, make a quick change of clothes, and left the basis for the pub nearby.

You sat there. A few hours – at least you thought it would be a few hours – but in reality, it must have been an hour or so. Not more than one and a half. Time was rushing in your current state of awareness because your brain was working. Your thoughts were rolling over each other because you tried to find the mistake in that scenario. You and Bucky? You have never been friends before, and now he had a crush on you? Apparently, to Peggy, he had a desire for a long time, but that wouldn't make sense. He was always with other girls, was flitting around, never seemed too happy about your presence. He just had a few nice words for you when you two meet, and mostly they were meant ironically. And then – out of the blue – there were these letters, and now you are completely confused. The people around you, telling you he has feelings for you but does he? Or is he just a good actor? You would assume the second, but Steve would have told you otherwise. So what is it with Bucky? He behaved strangely when he was around you and even more strange when others were around too. He was inconsistent, but why? This man was acting without any kind of logical concept behind it, and it drives you crazy, and then you came back to your old tuck and war game in your head. You wanted it to be accurate, but you know it couldn't be possible. Stuck between reality and a pipe dream (when you can call it like that). But instead of asking why he was acting like that, you should ask a better question: how did you felt about that? All of that? You couldn't stand Bucky because of his lucid character but was that all? Was that the whole reason why you didn't like him all these years?

"Hey, pretty Lady," someone put a drink next to you on the counter. It was a familiar voice you could recognize easily by now. "How you know I was here?" "I didn't. We successfully finished the mission, so we wanted to go for a drink. It just happened to be this pub with you in it" "James-" "Oh no. I thought we would be over the James thing" "I never liked you, and I showed you that I didn't like you. I even told you that I don't! So why –"you moved your head sideways to looked in his face. "So why do you like me? Why the only girl who showed that she is not interested?" he moved his head forth and back and had a slight smile on his lips. "I- I could say because you were the only one not interested, but that would be just half of the story?" "Then, what's the whole story?" "Well… It was somehow a love at the first sight situation, with the difference that you didn't like me" "You vomited on my dress" "Yeah – haha – not my best first impression, right?" "No. Actually not" "The point is-" he wanted to get a little nearer towards you when the front door of the pub was slammed open. You could hear loudly bawling man, and when Bucky leaned back and raised his hand for a greeting wave, you know it was the rest of the Howling Commando. And you immediately had that hunch that Bucky would go on distance now, and your conversation would be over. "Alright. You should go" "No, why? I am here talking to you" "Ohhh, you want to stay with me? All informal?" "Claw-" "James," he shudders his head and grins a little bit. "It wasn't your authority I had concerns about. Your uncle is the Colonel and Boss of this group. I didn't want to fall in disgrace" "A pretty lame excuse, don't you think?" "It isn't an excuse" "Sound like one" "Why-" he knit his eyebrows and shake his head slowly. "Why are you so distrustful of me? What I did to you?" "You ---! Do not act like I am the odd one here" "Odd one? What you mean?" "You have a crush on me?" you decided to jump into the cold water and just asked the question, which burned on your tongue. Also, Bucky seemed to be overwhelmed by that and looked at you like a deer in headlights. You were a little impatient, so after you didn't get an answer, you just rolled your eyes and stood up from your seat. "Boys will be boys…" you whispered, annoyed and thrust past Bucky and head for the Exit of the pub, with fast steps. Behind your back, you could hear how Bucky pushed back his chair too and head after you. "Claw, wait!" he wanted to grab your forearm, but you were faster and went out of the door. If you believe he would give up – haha – good joke. You took a deep breath from the cold evening air when you felt pressure around your wrist. As fast as you've always been, you withdraw your hand from Bucky's, turned around, and wanted to punch him in the face. But you underestimated him and his reflexes. He already saw that coming and dodge his head to the side and grinned. "You know most girls just start whimpering if they didn't get an answer" "I am not like most girls" you were incredibly angry at yourself for wasting so much time with him. You were angry about him for being him! So you went for the next attack and wanted to use a horizontal elbow strike, which was also blocked by him. This time, he holds your elbow tight with his hands he blocked it with. "Yes, that's right. You are not. You are like a feral cat. Always grumpy and always willing to fight" "Right!" you rushed to remove your arm from his hold, took a half step back, and went for a lead head kick, but you got it a little bit lower, so you would just hit his rips. He wasn't prepared for that, so you hit him with full power. He groaned in pain and hold his side; he could already feel how a big hematoma will grow there. This time, he really did make her angry. He heard from Steve that she was a good fighter, but he never knew how good she actually was. She was fast, strong, and had total control over the positioning of her kicks and punches. A real powerhouse of a woman. Of course, he went for the feisty one! "Ouch – that was a good one, Claw" he pulled in air sharply and put again a smile one. "But if you would have waited for 10 seconds more, you would have to get your answer" "I don't need one anymore" you loosed up your attack and defense fight position and pulled straightened your clothes, and wanted to leave when Bucky grabbed your arm, again and again, you punched him. This time, you got his nose. "Jesus – Claw!" he pulled his head back and hold his nose, but you didn't saw blood coming out from it, so it was fine. Maybe it will get a little swollen but not more. "Stop punching me!" "Stop touching me!" "No!" "Okay, then do not complain about punches!" "Why do you have to punch me?!" "I don't know – reflexes?" "Get it under control!" "Stop touching me!" "No!" "Why?!" "Because I don't want to!" "Okay then-" "Even if you use me as a punching sack," "Don't complain then!" "Just stop it for a second" "Why?" "Because I want to tell you that I indeed have a crush on you!" "Why?" "What you mean with why? It's just like this!" "Why?" "Claw!" you looked at him perplexed. When you heard it, and it was clear that he had a crush on you, you were more confused than before. That never happened before. Never ever did a boy admit something on you – except when they said they didn't like you. That was something new, and now it was Bucky too. The only one you could never imagine in that situation. "Claw?" he ripped you out of your thoughts and wanted to take a step nearer to you. Of course, he was careful and afraid that you would punch him again. "Permission to come near?" he asked jokingly, and you nodded slowly. "tell me why" "Why? Claw, I do not have an answer for that" he shrugged his shoulders. "It just is what it is. One day, I started to look at you closer, notice little things you did, and then it just happened" "You stalked me?!" "No! NO! That's not what – Jesus! You are so intelligent and yet so stupid" he seemed to get angry too, or more frustrated. "I send you these letters in the hope you would change your mind about me. There is something private and intimate, so you could know me on a different level. With people around us, it was hard for me to get to know you" "Okay, but-"you knit your eyebrows in confusion. "Why all the flirts with numerous girls? In front of me? Didn't make sense" "Well-" he smirked. "I thought I could make you jealous, but it clearly didn't work" "No, it didn't! The opposite happened; I liked you less" "Wow – ouch – yes, it was a stupid idea but-" "No! You are just joking around!" you made a few steps away from him to leave, but he heads after you again, and he grabbed your wrist again and pulled you towards him, this time. At that moment, you wanted to make a noise of protest, but it was too late. He pressed his lips on yours but not in an aggressive way. It was somehow a gentle and shy kiss, more like a softly putting his lips on yours despite the situation. You were surprised by the act itself but also by the good feeling it gave you. A few seconds, you tried to melt into that new, arousing feeling until your brain started to work again and pulled you faced back and slapped Bucky hardly in the face. "Claw-"but before he could finish the sentence, you grabbed his face and kissed him again. You wanted to make sure this feeling was not just a one-time glimpse, and it wasn't. After a few seconds, you ended the kiss and were shocked about the result, and when the last minute panic was growing in you, you slapped him again. "Sorry," you directly apologized what didn't make the situation better. You kicked him, punched him, and slapped him multiple times. Seemed like he would be over you right now. "I hope it's not getting a habit to hurt me, whenever I am near to you….?" "You plan to do this more often?" "I –" he wanted to say something and just shook his head. You were incredible and so naturally honest. "I want to kiss you again – now – please do not punch me" "I try" "Promise!" "I try, but I can't promise!" "Claw!" "Wait-"you took one step back again. "I still don't get it. You behaved like a jerk all these years because you liked me?" "Yes" "That's so stupid!" "I am a boy, Claw. We do stupid things" "But that even too stupid for you," he groaned, annoyed and shook his head, when he stemmed his arms in his hips. "Just shut up for a second and let me kiss you. Okay?" "But-" she wanted to disagree, but he went to her with a few quick steps to kiss her again. It was still soft but more confident and intense. And there was it again, that little, intense and new feeling which started to grow in your stomach. It tingled a little but was warm – so hot – and it grows fast until that warmth was everywhere in your body. He stated a little sweet, with a bitter undertone, from his drink. His lips were so soft, but his hands on your cheeks felt a little bit sore but not disturbing at all. He smelled a little bit like smoke, sweat, and dirt from the mission he came from. When he ended the kiss, he slightly smirked. "You didn't punch me. We are making progress, darling" "Don't call me that" bumped him against his chest, so he had to make a half step back with a bright smile. You rolled your eyes and turned away from him. "Fuck you!" – "Would you?" "You know, I used to dream about ending your life" you had that little devilish smile on your face, which just get countered by his self-proud smile. "Now you want to spend it with me? I would call that progress" "Na, I still think about ending it if you continue doing what you are doing" "And what am I doing?" "You are driving me crazy. Stop that" "No chance," he shook his head and put his arm around your shoulders. "What are you doing?" – "touching you?" "Stop that" "No way!" "Barnes!" "I love it when you are yelling my Name" "You ---- IDIOT!" "Your idiot. We want to be specific here" "I kill you, I promise!" "Don't make promises you can't keep" "Who said I can't keep it?" "Because you do not hate me" "Grrrrr – you are still an idiot!" "Loooooove is in the aaaaaaair," he stats to sing when it was finally enough for you. You freed yourself from him and ran a few steps forward, but he came after you. Guess you didn't get rid of him any time soon.

The next mission for the howling Commando was in progress. Together with the soldiers, Peggy, Uncle Chester, and you were developing a better plan. They told you that there was some trouble with equipment and gave you information about how this facility was built. Based on the new information's you were designing a new plan of attack. This progress took a while, and it took much time. So you personally had just a little time left and spend this free hour with sleep and rest. Since Bucky didn't have all these tasks, he was finished with his things early on days. Actually, he just had the usual training schedule on his daily routine. Maybe a weapon test, when Stark was finished with something new, but that's it.

"Great! Put it down on a report, so we can give it for further investigations" your uncle closed the meeting for the day and left the notes on the big round table. Today it was your turn to put the stuff you talked about into a pretty file. It would be the last thing on your to-do list for the day. After everybody left the room, you heard how the door opened again. You looked over the big table on the opposite of the room. You saw Bucky standing there, having a quick view over the notes on the table. "paperwork?" utilizing his voice, you could tell that he hoped you would say no, but he knew it was a lost hope. "Yes," you groaned in exhaustion and looked again over all the papers. It was a hard week for you, and you didn't have a lot of sleep. So many things that need to be done, and this was the last drip for you. Since the War began and you were in active service, something like weekend got a foreign word. "Maybe I can help you?" "Just when your fingers can tip on a writing machine as fast as you can shoot" "Uhm…. No" "Then you can't help me" "Buuuut-" he smiled and walked around the table towards you. "I can do other things?" he went behind you and stroke your hair to the side to start kissing your neck softly. "James-"you giggled a bit. "We can't – not here!" "did I mentioned that I love it when you call me James with that flutter voice of yours?" "Sergeant Barnes!" you wanted to talk sense in him, but there was no chance that he would end his activity back there. "I love it even more when you call me Sergeant Barnes," he whispered into your ear with a hot breath, so your whole neck was covered in goosebumps. After a few moments, he started to caress your neck with the tip of his fingers. As he would crawl you. "You are really tensed" then he started to massage your neck, which elicited you a few relaxing groans. It felt so good when he's strong, and big hands knead your hurting muscles in your neck, and you closed your eyes for a few seconds to really lean into his movements. It's been a while since you two had time for each other. After that – more than just awkward – evening, you hadn't had many moments to talk about what happened. You two just agreed – in silence – that you would just roll with it and see where it ends. You are still suspect about him a little bit. On a scale from 1 – 10, you trusted him with a good 6 or 7. So there was a long way to something like a liaison. Bucky was incredibly talented when I came down to being seductive and charming. Nothing you didn't know before, but you had to be careful. After you just let go of most of your thoughts, falling for him completely was a sweet forbidden fruit. He couldn't control any of his desires, drives, or carvings, so you had to be twice a careful. The art was to not get addicted to him and taste too much of that sweet, sweet flavor and have just enough taste on the tip of your tongue to make life delicious as candy. If you tasted too much, you would get into an ecstasy, to less, and you two would get bored. It was a balancing act, or a play with fire because Bucky was like a forest fire. "Hey Claw," his voice brought you back to reality, and you tried to turn your head towards him. "hm?" "Do you want to go out with me tonight? Dancing? Having a drink? Maybe a little moonlight walk?" "A date? You want to go on a date with me?" "I want to take you out, not date. Dating is for people who are not a couple – we are" "Are we?" you asked back. For you, it wasn't a real couple feeling what you two had and did. It was more like a workplace romance, but it didn't felt like something serious, strong, and made for more. "You – You didn't think we are, something?" "Bucky-" you turned around to him and leaned against the table. "What do we know about each other? Most of the time I have known you, I didn't like you" "Thanks for the friendly reminder" "I just want to point out that you can't jump from enemies to lover just by the blink of a moment" he seemed to thought about it and nodded his head. "Good. We have a date tonight. Put on something nice, and I will pick you up. Sound good?" "Indeed" "Great! But-" he put a hand on your cheek and gave you a little kiss on your cheekbones. "I will not give up the kisses, even if it is indecently" he winked at you and wanted to leave the room. At the moment he left, you wanted him back. He smelled so incredible good, and his body warmth was so intense when he was near to you. "Sergeant Barnes!" and as you would pull him back on the string, he turned around to you in one fluid movement, beat the heels together, and stretched his head forward as he would expect any commands from you. "Yes, Ma'am?" To be honest? You liked him in his soldier mode. So serious and receptive to your orders, even though you didn't have a higher military rank than he did. "Please remind your Unit to submit their mission reports in time. I do not want to run after that" "Yes, Ma'am," he winked at you before he left the room. After you were sure he left, you took a deep breath. You needed to get your work done, and after that, you could think about the date tonight. If you manage to be able to go there. You have to admit, you never went on a date before. You never were interested in this kind of activity, AND nobody ever asked you.

It took you forever to put everything on paper and file it away. It was a long evening in the office and your eyes already hurt from the desk lamp's bad lighting. It was somehow a filthy yellowish light, and it started to flicker after a few hours. You realized how late it was when you heard the door behind you. You looked tiredly over your shoulder and saw Bucky in his dress uniform. "You forgot it?" "No. I just had too much work to do" "You need help?" "No, I finished it, like 1 minute ago" you leaned back in your seat and closed your eyes. "So you don't want to go out anymore?" "To be honest? I would prefer to just stay here and have a casual evening" "Okay," he nodded and grabbed a chair from nearby to sit next to her. Before he sat down, he unbuttons his uniform jacket and hangs it over the backrest of his chair. He also got rid of his tie and opened the first two buttons of his shirt, pulled it out of the trouser, and took off his head to loosen his hair too. He looked like a wild night out, with too many drinks and wild affairs. Perfect fit to your optical illusion right now. You were tired, your uniform slipped here and there a little bit, and you already took off your shoes and tie. "Already better! So – I am sure somebody has a bottle of scotch in their desk drawers" "Yes-"you pointed at the biggest desk at the top of the room. "My uncle has some, in the lowest one" "Your uncle? Sure nobody else?" "Just go and grab the damn scotch!" "Yes, Ma'am!" he stood up and walked fast over there. Didn't took him long to get the bottle and came back. "Glasses?" he looked around to look for Something they can use as glass. "Damn it" you overreached the bottle and opened it, and took a sip out of it. You weren't in a pub, fancy ballroom, dinner with parents, or in the company! You could drink right out of the bottle, at least this one time. "Okay," he took the bottle back and took a sip. "You are not ladylike, aren't you?" "Definitely not!" "That's good. I am not a fan of the Gentleman stuff either" "You would look terrible in cylinder and wreck" "You think so?" "Pretty sure, yes" "Thank God I do not have to wear one. The military uniform is already killing me. Do you know how much time it took me to get into all of these layers? An unreasonable daman!" he took another sip. "Be happy you do not have to wear these tight skirts – Jesus, what would I give for a pair of comfortable shoes and pants!" you took the bottle back and also took a big sip. "I mean-" he raised an eyebrow, put on a mischievous smile, and tilted his head a bit. "You could just take all off" "No!" you took another sip. "I am not one for your easy girls, where you just smile, and the clothes fall off" "That's what you think of me? A sex-driven guy?" "I didn't say that! I just said that it took you more effort to take off my clothes" "I didn't doubt that" he took back the bottle and took a big big sip out of it. "What you planned for the evening? Besides dancing and walking?" "Talking. Mostly talking. I already talked with Steve, and there are so many things we do not know about each other. So maybe tonight is a good start?" "Sure. Ask whatever you want to know" "How did you meet Steve?" "Oh good – I guess it was somewhere in the primary school. His father and my father were friends from active Service. So we meet somehow one day. We linked over a book and got into a chat, and – yeah – now we are here. How did you meet, by the way? That Is way more interesting?!" "he got into a fight. Couldn't finish it. So I did. Our bonding moment" "Guys," you rolled your eyes, smiled, and reached out for the bottle to take another sip. "And your father is fine with you being here? And serving for your country? I bet he must be proud that his little wildcat is doing Something in the military as he did?" "Uhm…. He… I hope he is proud, but I don't know" "You don't know? Didn't have that strong bound?" "Oh no, we have – had – we were really close" "Had?" "He died a few months ago inactive Service. Before Steve and I joined the SSR, I got a letter that he passed away. But it's not a big deal, I knew he would die in this way and so did he" "You dad died, that's a big deal" "It was predictable, so it didn't hit as hart" "But --- how can you not be sad?" "Like I said, it was predictable. It's not like that I didn't love my father, but I knew he would die inactive Service, so it was kind of prepared for that" you shrugged your shoulders took another sip out of the bottle. "Is that why you like to follow logic ways?" "Hm?" "I noticed, you are fine with things as long they are logical. As soon as it's not logical, you are confused" "maybe. Maybe not. I never thought about it. Logic is simple and relatable in contrast to people" "That can't be true! You have to have a person you can rely on! What about…. Your uncle!" "Hm… he was there when my mother died when I was younger, but he left someday, without a word" "Then you father!" "The US Army was always more important than me. He would prioritize them over me all the time" you shrugged your shoulders and took another sip from the bottle – a big one this time. "Who else is on your life, then?" "Steve was with you most of the time. I am not resentful because of that. Friendships between the same Sex are always stronger, so it was fine" "You do not have siblings?" "No" "Aunts? Uncles?" "No" "Grandparents?" "Dead. Listen, Bucky-" you shrugged your head. "I am fine. I've been good on my own, so I just will continue doing that; worked out good" "But-" he knit his eyebrows. "You are not alone" "Yes, I know I have my uncle with me all the time, now. And Steve, Peggy – You! But what will happen after the war ends? Everyone will go their own ways then" "You think?" "Colonel Philips will stay in the Army, Peggy and Steve will start something together – at least I hope so and I-" "We could be together too, you know?" "You think that will work? Honestly?" "You don't?" "James-" "Here we go" "Please listen. You are not as bad as I thought, you are a really nice guy. A little bit chaotic but through and through loveable, charismatic, aesthetic, good looking, and you can be a gentleman. Many women lie at your feet, and I believe you would find a good looking one to be your future wife one day. So why me? I do not have a wife's potential. So why me? I really do not get it, not at all!" he listened, nodded his head, and took a sip of the scotch. "You think you are not loveable?" "That's not what I asked. Why me? I was never nice to you. Never" "Good question! Great question! I-I don't know-" "Bucky-" "let me finish! I do not know the correct answer. But….. in the 10th grade – it was a pretty hot summer day, so the school ended earlier – as soon as you left the school, you sat down on this old bench in front of the school. You wore a summer dress in decent light blue with a darker color gradient. Your hair was up in a messy bun, and a few strands hang out. So you sat there, with a black book in your hands with golden letters on it, and we're just reading. It seemed like you were completely sunken into these pages until Steve walked over to you and talked to you. You looked up and had the most beautiful smile on your ever I ever saw. Bright and full of joy! And immediately, I felt warm and happy. This was the only time I ever saw it on you, and somehow-" he interrupted his sentence and smiled warmly and in total nostalgia. "Somehow, I wanted to be the reason for that smile. Claw --- do you believe in love at first sight? I know it sounded pathetic, but at that moment – in that little moment – I started to had a crush on you. So I talked to Steve, and he wanted to introduce me to you, at that summer ball, when I vomited on your dress. Good first impression, right? After that, I noticed you couldn't stand me, but I didn't want to give up because no matter how many times a girl smiled at me, I never had that feeling again, and that's why I cannot let you go! Not without a serious try! Can you --- can you understand that Claw? Even though you do not believe in that?" you listened to every word that he said, and even if you do not understand the reasoning, you somehow understand his emotional situation. "That why you wrote the letters?" "mhm, yes! At the front – when people try to kill you, you find yourself in the position to write a bucket list, and you know what? Giving It a try with you was the first thing that came to my mind. So I started to write you these letters. Worst case scenario? I got to shoot, and it was just a stupid idea" he did a shoulder shrug and grabbed the bottle to take a sip – the last one. "When I think about it now, it was just a stupid idea. Instead of accepting these sad feelings and admitting them," he stood up from his seat and grabbed his jacket, swung it over one shoulder, and grabbed his heat. "I start to get tipsy. Didn't drink that much in a while; I guess I will go to bed now," he explained. "Normally, I would try to sneak a good night kiss or would try to seduce you – well… I guess not tonight. You didn't seem to have decided yet if you want to give it a try yourself. I might be a jerk compared to you, but I am not that stupid" he pinched together his eyes because the dizziness started to grow. "So it's up to you now. Tell me if you like me enough to try or don't" he shrugged his shoulders and head towards the exit. "Oh and –" he turned around for another time. "Have a good night, Agent Claw" "That's not –"you smiled and shook your head. "Good night, Sergeant Barnes – Bucky" you nodded and saw him go. Good question, by the way: do you want to give it a try or not? Maybe it's not the right time to think about that, right now. You were tipsy, tired and it was late in the night. You should go to sleep yourself and rethink your choices for a second in the morning.

The next day was a calm one. This short before a new mission, it was usually hushed on the foothold. The soldiers prepared themselves for the next big thing, and the strategic department hadn't any work left. The plans were made and given to the soldiers, so it was up to them to do as they told. Peggy was fuzzy as usual and studied the method for tomorrow's mission over and over again, in case there was a leak, but there wasn't. So your uncle and yourself were pretty relaxed and were just sitting around.

So you got yourself a quiet place in the conference room, where you gabbed a swivel chair and rotate a little bit while you stare at the ceiling. You wanted to make another full turn when someone stopped your chair. You didn't even notice someone came in. "Hey Claw" "Steve! Stressed out because of tomorrow?" "Not really. Can I have a seat?" "Sure," he placed himself in front of you on another chair. "I guess we have to talk," he started and looked you drop dead serious in the eyes. "Do we?" "About Bucky? I guess we have to. Honestly, I never thought I needed to give a girl a Bucky Speech, but I guess there is a first time for everything" "A Bucky Speech? Seriously, Steve?" "Don't worry, he got the Claw Speech already" "There is a Speech about me? What did you tell him?" he gave you that glace, that he would not tell you this and you didn't care too much. "When I imagined this moment, I always thought I would actually write down all the points I am about to talk about. Thinks like: he is a good man, chaotic but honest, he will care for you and be a good husband and so on and on…. But I guess I do not have to tell you that. You either already know that or don't care, so I can save it for later-" he started to knead his hands as he would be nervous or tensed, Something like that. "Actually, I have to take a different approach. We – we both – know each other for many years, so I can claim that I know you! I know the character you made up to keep the world and their problems away from you. I know the character you turn on when you meet someone you don't like AND – most importantly – I know your real self. And I know that you never let anybody near you, especially not people you weren't so sure about. All the more, it surprised me that you and Bucky started to getting a – a thing. But Claw… Bucky is not like you, you know? He has his edges and mistakes, but he is – open. He is open, honest, truthful, brave, strong, and… delicate. He would never show or tell you, but he very sensitive sometimes, and you? You keep delicate and sensitive as far away as possible. You do that because you are afraid of getting hurt, and you do it successfully. It took me a few years to figure that out, and I think Bucky didn't realize it by now. I am afraid he will find out too late when he got already been hurt by you. Listen, we – you and I – will stay friends – good friends, I hope. But… if you do not take Bucky seriously, tell him now and not, when he already fall for you. Because somehow-" he laughed a little bit. "Somehow, he really is in love with you. I guess the saying that opposite attracted was never as true as right now. You get what I want to say?" you listened to every single word, and he had some points. You thought about it yourself a few times by now. And from a simple logical viewpoint, it was more consistent to turn Bucky down. But somehow, you couldn't. You had him, and you knew that, and now you didn't want to let him go. He was yours now. "I understand your concerns" you nodded slowly and smiled. "But I do not share your concerns" Steve knit his eyebrows and looked confused at you. You just shrugged the shoulders slowly and smiled. "D-Does that mean that you--?" "Well…" "Really, Claw? Bucky? You and Bucky?" "There is no Me and Bucky yet. But maybe? I don't know" "For real? I would never ever bet on that" "It's strange for me too. Such a new and unusual feeling, but Bucky isn't as bad as I used to think about him" "So that means you – you are actually trying?" "I try… trying…? Is that correct? I don't know, Steve! The first time I do Something completely illogical in my life, I didn't feel too bad. Guess it's right, but I don't know. I somehow cannot go fully in, if you understand what I am saying. I overthink a lot right now. So I hope Bucky has a little patience left for me to wait a few more days until I have decided finally" you shook your head and smiled. You liked that picture with you and Bucky more and more in your head, even if it was a strange one. Guess strange was your new thing – your new preference. "okay then… actually…. I don't know what to say anymore!" he stood up, a little bit perplexed still and wanted to leave the room. "Good luck for tomorrow. The mission," you said before he left.

The next day was pretty busy on the base. Since it was the second mission, everything was more detailed and had more context. He changed from the last mission where noted, and a detailed site plan was rolled on the big round table. Every member of the howling commando, which was involved in the current mission, had a Walkie-Talkie to stay in contact with the base. For time management reasons, every member got their own person of strategic support. Of course, it happened that you got Bucky this time since he was the Sniper of the group and needed to have everything on hand. Everything went after the plan they developed until Bucky talked via funk with you. "Hey Claw" "Hm?" "We got a problem" "Problem? Which kind of Problem?" "A big one" "What happened?" "There is a bomb. And it is definitely activated. Some of the scientists turned this thing on when we entered the building" Your uncle heard it and came up to you and grabbed the radio. "Sergeant Barnes, here Colonel Philips. Does the bomb have a time display?" a few moments, nothing happened when Bucky reported back. "It does. It was hidden" "What does the time say?" "two minutes and less" "Is there any opportunity that you guys could just run?" "Negative, Sir. This facility is like a labyrinth. We needed minutes to enter the central point" your uncle shook his head and put the radio down. "This is not good," he whispered before he turned around and screamed into the room. "Is there a bomb specialist here? Anywhere near?" but he didn't get an answer. "Remind me to put a bomb specialist on the shopping list" he turned towards you and retook the radio. "Sergeant Barnes. We do not have technical support here. I would recommend running as fast as you guys can and looking for a safe spot to survive the explosion somehow," and he waited for an answer. "But Sir, we could try to defuse the bomb" "Negative! We do not have a specialist here, and you guys do not know it either" "But the explosion could kill many innocent soldiers, which are captivated here as experiments!" your uncle pinched his eyes together and shook his head. This was a sorrowful and bitter moment because there was no help for these soldiers. He needed to make sure his own people get out there safely. "I repeat! Get your asses out there!" "But Colonel-"this was when you had enough and grabbed the radio yourself. "James Buchanan Barnes! Do what you were told and get yourself and your teammates a safe spot to survive the explosion somehow!" then it was silent for just a few moments, but it felt like hours. "I am sorry. I will try to defuse the bomb!" "Bucky no-" and then the signal got lost, and the Walkie-Talkie went down. "Bucky?" you pressed the button to reconnect your radio with his, but no chance there was a connection build. "James?" you tried again, but there was just a monotony rush instead of his voice. "Sergeant Barnes! James! Bucky!" but there was no connection build. "Someone else?!" your uncle called into the room, but all the others shook their head. Even Peggy had lost her connection to Steve. "all Radios are down, Sir!" "Great. Really great! Get me a technical link to our Team somehow! Wha-What about Stark? He is waiting for our Team to bring them home with a plane! Can we get him on the Phone somehow?" "We are trying!" someone in the base was running around to try out different telephone links and radio frequencies. Then you felt a hand on your shoulder, and when you looked up, it was your uncle. He didn't say anything; he just looked in your eyes, as he wanted to say, that there are not dead and you would have enough time to shoot Bucky your own. Then he went off to try to find a connection to Stark.

It took about 10 minutes to reach out to Stark, who told them that they are safe on board his plane. All of them, the Howling commando and the saved soldiers. Apparently, Bucky just ripped out every cable possible at once, and that somehow worked. Well, seemed to be his Lucky day, at least for now. You had slightly different planes with the hero of the day. And congratulating him wasn't part of that.

You went outside as soon as you heard how a plane was landing. When you stepped outside, you already saw the group of man, walking away from the aircraft towards you and the base behind you. In the middle were Steve and Bucky, while Steve tapped Buck's shoulder as a sign of congratulation. He smiled and laughed, looked around, and everybody was more than happy to be home safely instead of you. You were standing there, in the middle of the base entrance with crossed arms and starring the guys down, which they didn't notice yet. So you started walking towards them until they see your presence. Bucky was the first one, smiled brightly over his whole face, and raised a hand for a welcoming wave towards you. You didn't reply to that and just walked up to him. "Hey Claw!" when he was nearer, he ran the last few meters and stopped in front of you. "I-I am sorry, the radio just went down, and we couldn't keep contact anymore" as proof, he holds up the wholly destroyed Walkie-Talkie. "Mhm," you nodded slightly and didn't even look at the Walkie-Talkie; instead, you gave him a death stare, which kind of scared him. And before he could react, you already gave him a horizontal elbow strike on his cheekbone, making him stagger a few steps back. He releases a painful groan and holds his cheekbone.

Immediately a severe headache started to grow, but you didn't care much. "Sergeant Barnes," you growled, smoothed your clothing, turned around, and walked away. This time, he deserved it! He put himself in a dangerous situation, made it look like his chaotic ass got blown up in the air, and now he pretended to like, nothing happened? Praise the Lord, she was angry. Not just angry, she was about to raise the hell and let it collapse above his head. He was done with living; he just didn't know it by now. Maybe he should ask Cap for his bulletproof shield because he will need it next time he meets her.

Of course, your uncle got the news of what happened and had to disciplinary you. He had a 'no fighting in the team' police, and he was strict. You hit Bucky in front of everybody in the Unit. In consideration of his higher military rank, it was a violation of his authority. Which couldn't be tolerated within the military and especially not in the Unit of your uncle. Since he understands that Sergeant Barnes somehow deserved it, you just had to protocol the incident in your own file by yourself. Writing down things like this was horrible. You had to be honest; it needed to be factual and detailed. That forced you to rethink your actions and made sure that it would never happen again. Under different circumstances, you would get a disciplinary procedure and get kicked out of the military; dishonorable discharge would be called. Your uncle sends you to the secretary's rooms, to get your report done and he wanted it in the evening. So you sat there, with a pen in your hand and paper in front of you on the desk and just starred it down. You know it was stupid what you did, but he deserved it so much! This idiot! This stupid, stupid idiot! A knocking on the door ripped you out of your thoughts. You looked up and saw Bucky standing there. His cheek was swollen and already turned a little bit blue. He looked like a lost puppy or even better – he looked like a puppy who knows he did Something wrong and tried to apologize with big eyes and a cute face. "Claw…?" his voice was flat, and he had that questioning tone in it. "May I-" he couldn't even finish the sentence, as fast as you grabbed the stapler and throw it at him. At least he was fast enough to dodge, but the stapler crashed into the hallway wall and broke into pieces. He looked at the shattered thing and turned his head just in time to see that you already throw the hole puncher at him. "You Idiot!" you shouted at him, stood up from your seat, and grabbed all possible things to throw after him. He managed to dodge every time and didn't get hit. "You are an incompetent and complete idiot! I hate you – God knows I HATE you!" you grabbed a cup standing on the desk and tried to go for the head, but you missed somehow. "I wish you would have blown up!" next thing was a notebook, and you were incredible unerring when it came down to hit him. Lucky him, he was fast. "I really was thinking about letting you in my little world, where it is just me and myself, working together but YOU-!" you even got the writing machine to throw at him. "manage to make me angry all the time! Every time I thought, you changed for the better, you came around the corner with the next stupid action, and it's done!" now you went for the desk lamp. "And then you are coming up to me, with that puppy eyes, and think everything is good again? Nooooo NOT this time!" you throw the lamp at him. After that, have you run out of items. You breathed heavily, and the anger was written all over your face. Bucky somehow covered his head with his arms and looked down at all the broken things to his feet. This was a whole new stage of angry for you. "I am honestly this short away from shooting you right here right now! How does it even crossed your mind that you could defuse a bomb build by Hydra with technology we do not fully understand?! HOW? Tell me how?! You could have died, Bucky!" "St-Steve was there too. Why do you not try to murder him?" "Because he is super-soldier, but you are not! You are as normal as I am, and our life is faster over than his!" you needed to take a few deep breaths when you saw the gears turning in his mind. And then, a bright and warm smile came on across his face. "You---- want me? Seriously? For real?" "Wanting you? I want that you start to delate those stupid ideas in your mind!" "But you want me? Want me as yours?" "What are you? A cup you can borrow?" "Claw!" he rushed over to you and smiled at you like a little schoolboy. Even when you tried to kill him in the past minutes, he is still all yours - like a puppy. He looped his arms around your waist and presses his forehead against your temple. You were still a little grumpy and didn't want to look in his face, so you turned your head slightly away from his, towards the door of the room. All these broken things, when your uncle sees that, he would be as angry as you were when you did that. "But please try to kill me not as often, yes?" "You don't decide that!" you growled. Then you heard immediate steps in the hallway, and shortly after, you saw Steve with his shield standing there and looking down at the stuff on the ground. "What the hell-"you fast grabbed Bucky's short handgun and shoot a few times at Steve. Of course, he raised his shield as protection, so he didn't get hurt. Peggy told you she did this one time with him, so you were sure he managed to shield himself from the bullets. Bucky had let go of you and retracted his head when you gave him back his gun. "You are an idiot too!" you growled at Steve when you decided to leave the room and the two boys behind. Boys will be boys and will do stupid things all the time.

"You are so bad at this-" she laughed because he tickled her while she wanted to move one of her chess figures. "Checkmate, my friend" "Mhm," he just murmur a little bit and continued the work he was doing. It was a nice and quiet morning after another mission. When he arrived after two whole days back at the base, the first thing he did was hijacking you and detaining you in his room. Since he was a Sergeant, he had his own four-wall, which came in handy right now. So after 2 days and a tough mission, he wanted to relax with you and maybe do Something more fun, and you had no complaints about it. The result was, you two sleep way too long in the morning, but obviously, nobody seemed to care. Looked like nobody needed one of you at the moment. And instead of just lying lazily in the bed, you suggest playing a round of chess. Bucky had a total lack of talent; besides, he was busy caress your back a little bit. So he wasn't able to fully concentrate on the game, and he didn't even try. He wanted the game to be over, so your full concentration would be on him again. "You smell different when you are awake, you know that?" "What?" you knitted your eyebrows and rolled over on your back to look in his face. He was still a little bit drowsy with wild and fuzzy hair but with that satisfied glow all over his face. "I had no idea; you were into that," he smirked blissfully. "I would love to do that again," and a little mica of hope came up in his eyes. "James!" "Well… maybe not you are right. My back and neck are full of scratches. It would be hard to explain that" he smirked and layer his head next to yours, and but his body over yours. He was tired, and it was no surprise. He came back from a hard mission, and then you kept him awake all night. You felt how his body got heavier and heavier; he was again about to fall asleep. "Bucky, "you put your hand on the backside of his head and started to caress his hair and head, and immediately, you heard a pleasing little purr from him. "Yesterday, Stark finished your new uniform. Remember that? You should go and try it on to see if it fits," but he didn't give you a reaction. He probably just played dead. "Don't pretend like you're asleep. Should I find a way to wake you up- " "No!" promptly, he raised his head and body from yours and sit up. He pinched his eyes for a second and rub over his face a few times before he crawled towards the end of the bed and sat down on the edge of the bed. He put his elbows on his knees and let his head hanging. "Please don't get me wrong. I would love to have another round with you, honestly. But-" he looked over his shoulder and saw you laying in the white sheets on the bed. You rolled over to lie on your side. Your body well-formed, elegant with nice curves, smooth and soft skin, your head propped on your hand, and your hair falling down in great curls, which had a little shine from the morning sun. You grabbed a little piece of fabric to cover your au naturel body a little bit. Enough to make him resist his inner drives but not enough to stop tempting him. He got a little taste last night. How it was to be desired by you and how sensuous you are. It was incredible and stand in such a contrast to how you behave during the day. Honestly, he didn't think you could be that passionate and how you cloud his senses. And then you smile, that delicate but devilish little smile, almost cocky as you would know you could get him back in bed anytime. You just needed to slip the sheet from your body. "Stop that, please. I beg you" he shook his head and looked away. He never expected to be on this side of the story, being the one who got captured and turned into jelly when the significant other had that specific look on their face. Normally it was always him to seduce the woman, but this time around, he got seduced. "But Sergeant…" this tone in your voice gave him chills and prickles in the stomach. He heard how you moved on the bed, and a second later, you entangle your arms around his neck and shoulders, your bare upper body pressed against his naked back. "But it's not appropriate for a Sergeant to beg," you whispered into his ear, with your lips slightly graze his ears and your hot breath hunting down his neck and jawline, so he got goosebumps. Oh, sweet, sweet temptation. "Maybe I can offer myself to you in the evening?" "You are not a barter object" you gave him a little kiss on the cheek and let him go. "Do not forget to visit Stark!" you let yourself fall – back first – down in the bed again. Because of that, the chess game fell down on the floor. Guess you had to clean it up before you leave his room. After finally managed to get up and being dressed properly, you had to go back to work. Since it's the first day after a mission, you had plenty of time to go back to the headquarters office to do the paperwork. Luckily for you, Steve was fast with his mission reports, so you could at least start with Something, but the other Soldiers will take their time with writing down everything. Because of that, the training room was free today, so it was your chance to get a little exercise without the guys and maybe a meeting with Peggy and your uncle to analyze the newest target facility for the next mission. But actually, she just wanted to stay in bed for the whole day. She felt relaxed and light as it has not been for a long time. Was a great – wonderful – feeling, but after all, there is a war going on, and there is no time for relaxing. "What's your plan for the day?" you looked over to Bucky, who was already half-dressed and just needed to put on a shirt. "Work" the daylight was falling through the window directly on his body. Looked like liquid silk because his skin color was very light and unscathed. "Work?" "Paperwork" "Should I come and save you from the bad paperwork?" "I know you would love to, but this paperwork is essential for your next mission" "Claw," he moaned, annoyed. "I am not even 12 hours back, and you are already talking about the next one?" "Destroying the facilities is the top priority! We need to get it done as fast as possible" "I know, but-" "Bucky. As sooner we are done with this, as sooner the war might be over" "Uhm by the way…. Do you have any plans when it's all done? After the War?" "No. Not really" you knit your eyebrows. "I guess I will start studying Something? Maybe anything like that. What about you?" he shrugged his shoulders and put on a shirt. "You know, the usual: Job, House, Wife, and children. Nothing spectacular, just Something I can call my own" "That… actually sounds nice" "Oh and a dog" "Hmpf… I would like a cat" "We can have both" he winked at you and left the room before you could think about his words more. "WE?!" but before you could have a real protest, he was already out of the door.

You were already a few months into it, destroying Hydra and the liaison you had with Bucky, and it was perfect. Sadly the Hydra mission proceeded sluggishly since their head scientist, Dr. Armin Zola, was still free. When they destroyed one facility, he was building a new one somewhere else on the planet. So your uncle came up with a new priority: capturing Zola. Easier said as done since the SSR never knew where he actually was. You also lost track of Red Skull, so it was a big mess on that side. But the good thing was that every time you find and shut down a Hydra base, you learned new things about their technology, and Stark went straight to the technology heaven. Every time the Howling Commando brought back new weapons to analyze and create new ones, Stark was heavily busy.

Speaking of the Howling Commando – they went to their next mission in Germany this time. This one was long and took over a week but 'luckily' for you, Bucky did not go with them. The reason for that was, he got hurt, so Steve decided to let him at the base, so he could cure completely. So he was staying at the bottom, much to your delight, and even better was the fact that it was up to you to make sure he cured well. Your uncle gave you that task, not knowing what you two would actually do, since the whole Bucky and Claw thing were still a secret and nobody noticed by now. It is hard to believe, looking at the fact that you two were heavily marked by each other all over your bodies and went missing at the same time. Seemed like that everybody was entirely concentrated on the overall mission, so nobody had attention left to notice what was going on with you two.

"Ouch, Claw!" "You are such a baby, Bucky" you rolled your eyes and let off from his shoulder and massages his lower back, which relaxed him immediately. The wound, because of which he was left here, was a woof through his shoulder. He got it while he had a hand to hand fight with one of the guards on the last mission. Earlier this morning, he complained about back pain and had the idea that you could give him a massage, and of course, he would return the favor, so you agreed. "I need to cure! You should be gentle with me" "Ladies and Gentleman, the Sergeant" "You know, what you are doing, is called: disrespecting a higher-ranked person, right?" "You know what it called, what you are doing is? Taking advantage of a higher position of power," and as an answer, he just growled. "Baby…" you whispered again and stopped the massage. Your hands were tired, and besides the fact, you had an appointment. "What? Why you stopped?" "My deepest apologies, but-"you reached out for his bed desk and grabbed his pocket watch. "I have plans" "Plans? What plans?" "I will meet Stark in his laboratory" "Why?" "Because he has a new weapon for me. My old gun didn't work anymore, and he offered me to build a new one with new technology" "You know he is flirting with you, right? Since Peggy and Steve devouring each other with their eyes, he had caught an eye on you" "I know," you didn't sound concerned or even surprised. More like you didn't care too much. "You know?" "Wasn't hard to recognize. I really have to go-"you stood up from the bad and grabbed your clothing and put your stuff on under the vigilant eyes of Bucky. "I think I can convince you to stay…" "I am sure you can" you smirked and button your blouse. "The fun doesn't have to end, you know. We could stay in bed the whole day if you want to" "Bucky…. There is still much to do. War is not over yet" "God, I wish it would be over soon" "When we capture Zola and Red Skull, it will be over, for sure. Then we can stay in bed all day long" "I hope this day will come soon. You know what I was thinking about?" propped up his upper body and slide to the side of the bed to sit on the edge. He reached out to our hands, grabbed them gently, and pulled you closer to him. "No?" you put your hands down on his should and starts to play with his hair. "After the War is finished, I take you out for dancing. We will have a real date and another and another and another, But – here is the clue – after every date, I take you home" "That's the clue? This is good education, Bucky!" "No, no, you miss the point. I take you home, and I am going home with you. I mean, I am taking you to our home" "Our home?" you knit your eyebrows a little, be skeptical about his idea. "Wouldn't you like that? A small house in the city? O-Or a flat! Maybe a flat would be enough for a start, we still need room to grow. You can have your cat!" "Bucky-" "I know, I know, it's much to think about! I am telling you this is because my sister got her second child and will move out of our parents' flat. She and her husband will move into a house so the flat would be available. It's a big one, with plenty enough space for a second person" you wanted to say Something and opened your mouth, but no word came out. It was safe to say that you were a little overwhelmed with that suggestion. "You do not have to answer now. She will sublet the flat until I come back home. When the times come, you can come with me if you want to" "Bucky--- don't you think this is going way too fast?" "No – well – I mean, it's an option. Just a possibility you can keep in mind if you want to. When my sister and her family are gone, it will be quiet in the flat. I assume you will have the same at your home since your father is gone" "You are right, but-" "Hey," he smiled softly. "You do not have to decide now. Just think about it, okay?" you smiled back and slowly nodded. "Now you should go. Stark is for sure already waiting for you" "Right! See you later" you gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, and then you left the room.

You went down to Starks laboratory to look for your new weapon. It was a big basement, just for him, since his inventions had the unpleasant habit of exploding from time to time. So your uncle gave him the basement, which was initially build to be an atomic bunker. You opened the big, heavy metal door and wanted to call after Stark when he popped up in front of you out of the blue. "I expected you hours ago!" he raised one eyebrow and looked suspicious at you. "I had…. Something to do" "Something, hun? Guess you didn't get much sleep, based on the circles under your eyes, Darling" "What do you hint at?" "You know what I mean – anyway! Your weapon, this way, my love" he points at a table at the end of the room where you should go over.

"So what can it do?" you saw a little weapon, ideal for having in it with you in a purse or at the belt. The thing was with women and Weapons that they have to be smaller, as usual, to sneak them with you all the time. "Basically working like a normal handgun but with significantly more shots, and I built it lighter than normal. It is basically a normal gun, but I took out the extra weight. Is that what you wanted?" you took the weapon and turned it over and over a few times to see it from all perspectives. Indeed it was incredibly light and handy. "exactly what I wanted" "I am glad I could make you happy. So…. How is Sergeant Barnes?" "Why?" "I don't know-" he shrugged his shoulder and had that all-knowing- look on his face paired with a smirk. "Howard, I have a loaded weapon in my hand. Do you think this is the right moment for unappropriated questions?" you gave him a strong glace with no room for false interpretations. He opened his mouth to say Something, when the light went down and the earsplitting sound of siren halls through the building. "What in God's name-"Stark covered his ears with his hands, but you know the sound of that siren – the signal for everybody in the building that enemies managed to enter the base. "Guess I have to try her out now!" you grabbed the second magazine and put it in your belt. "Hey, Stark! You can use a gun?" "Sure I can!" "Good. Grab one, we have to fight" you unlock your gun and head for the exit of the bunker. A quick look left and right to make sure the enemies are not on the hallway, and then you went straight for the way in the upper floors. Your steps were as quiet as possible, but luckily the heavy sound of the siren was covering most of your own noises you made.

On the other hand, it was also covering possible noises of the others. If this attack was a coincidence, it was a pretty good one for the others. All the Soldiers were out for missions, and the base was just protected by a few ones. Bad for them that you were one of these soldiers. Since you joined the SSR, your uncle and Peggy teach you how to use many handguns and how your combat fight style got better. Long story short: you are as good as any other soldier in this base!

Together with Stark, you reached the elevator and the stairs for the upper floors. Just in time, because the siren shut down and the light went on again. Favorably for you, no attacker was in sight. "Stark," you whispered his name and looked up the stairs. "Yes?" "You take the elevator; I do the stairs. If you see traitors – shoot!" "But-" "Shoot! Go" you shoo him in the direction of the elevator and yourself took the stairs.

Slowly and with the greatest caution you had, you went up the stairs. All your senses tensioned like a bow, ready to shoot. Step by step, you got higher and higher, but you heard nothing; even when the elevator reached the next floor before you, you couldn't hear Stark shooting or saying Something. Maybe the traitors think the basis would be completely empty or Something like that. Stark was already waiting for you when you went on the next floor and looking in the opposite direction. "I can't see anybody!" "Me neither. And I can't hear anything" "Maybe they went for the main office? At least that would be the room I would be looking for if I would break into a military basis. That the place with the most information!" he suggested, and it made absolute sense. "Okay. I am going for the office, and you go and check if anybody is going for your laboratory" "What? We just came from there" "I know, but this would be the second spot I would check out—the Armory. If Hydra is behind that attack, they probably want their technology back" "Well…. Yeah, that makes sense. Be careful!" "Same to you, Stark. See you later" he just nodded his head and took the stairs down again. Since the base was low on Soldiers and battle-tested others, you had to cover the most critical spots. Even when it meant that you have to split up into one-man teams. That was not a good idea at all, because now you didn't have anybody left to cover your back. Anyway – you somehow had a mission to fulfill.

On your way to the main office, you didn't saw any traitors or similar. Slowly you got the feeling that this was just a practice round, and nobody knew about it. The alarm had to be activated manually by one of your colleagues in the monitoring room to warn everybody. Why on earth you had the feeling that your uncle was sitting in front of the camera to see how the base would be protected without the soldiers in it? Like, he wanted to make sure it's safe here when the howling commando wasn't around. It would make sense, in your mind, because that was a pretty strange coincidence that you got attacked while nobody was here. Just people from inside this building knew about the mission and when they got executed. Either way, there was no room for mistakes. You didn't want to look like an idiot in front of your uncle when it was training. And you didn't want to die when it was a real attack.

Soon you reached the main office and went to it, to check if somebody was there. As you went in, you saw that a person – entirely in black – was looking through the papers on the table. The documents laying out there were mission reports about former and future missions you had in mind, and this traitor over there was looking at them. Shit happens; this was a real attack. "Hands up!" you targeted your gun on the person, and it turned around fast, and the face was not covered. It was a younger man, stocky build, with two guns at his belt. He looked a little surprised but didn't seem too worried about you, as soon as he realized that you were just a woman. "Same to you-" behind yourself, you heard another male voice and the clicking sound of a gun, which got unlocked. See, that's the problem when you do stuff like this alone without someone covering your back. "Come 'on, pretty Lady. Drop the gun!" you had no choice but to raise your hands with the gun in your hand. The man in front of you started smiling in a dirty way. "She is indeed pretty" "Shut up," you growled at them. There was no way you could shoot the one without the other shooting at you. You needed a miracle, and you already know how to get one. Bucky was in the building, and he couldn't be that far away, so you needed to gain a little bit of time for him – or anybody else – to get here. "What are you looking for? Need a little help?" "Thanks, but we do not need a secretary" "I am not a secretary, Asshole" you press your jaws onto each other. Maybe you should have deleted that 'asshole,' but he deserved it. "She is a feisty one," the man behind you laughed. "Maybe we can keep her for further things" "She is pretty, but not so pretty. When I am done here, you can shoot her" the man In front of you was going through the papers with the peace in the world. You wanted to say something snappy, as you heard gunshots behind you, and you looked over your shoulder. The man who was pointing the gun at you went down, and Bucky came around the corner. Out of instinct, you targeted your gun at the man in front of you, but it was a little bit too late. The man in front of you pulled out his guns and was shooting at you, and Bucky and you two shoot back. You got him directly, and he got down too, but there was something extraordinary. You had this huge pain in your abdomen, and you felt how it got wetter and wetter around your belly. Unbelievable, that fucking idiot got you. A quick look down and you saw that your originally white blouse was dyed red. "Claw!" somehow, Bucky appeared in front of you. Your awareness was clearly affected. There was just so much pain in your body. It hurt so much like you would burn from the inside, and with every beat of your heart, the pain got worse and worse. It was like, you couldn't even see or hear anymore because your brain was so busy with the pain in your abdomen. You couldn't feel your legs anymore, as they would be numb or something like that, and your eyelids got heavier and heavier. It was so exhausting to stand, be awake or breathe – just ---- so exhausting. You could feel how your body just collapsed and was about to fell down. You could hear someone screaming, calling your name over and over again, but it was like, as he would speak with cotton in his mouth. Or as you hat cotton in your ears. You couldn't understand words anymore, neither did you hear anything. It went slowly down, as your body would just shut down, and you started to freeze. It was so cold around here and so dark and silent, but the good thing was, the pain began to fade away. It got better and better, as more unconscious it got and your heart didn't pump as much anymore. Just a little bit, as it would go on a pilot flame. Funny feeling to feel how the body slowly relaxed and got lighter. A….. really…. Funny….. feeling.

Meanwhile…

The noises in the hospital were torturing his mind like someone would strike him with a baseball bat over and over again. Why was it so loud here? All the people talking, children crying, nurses running, and doctors rattle with medicine bottles. All the movements in the corner of his eyes, making him aggressive and nervous. Every time a door was opened, he looked up, just to see it wasn't a nurse or doctor with an operation smock. Besides all the noises, he still could hear the gunshots in his head, as they would remind him that he failed this time. No, no, it wasn't too late for her! He brought her here, carrying her all the way down the street in this hospital. He put pressure on the wound all the time and making a tourniquet, and she was still breathing when she got here. The doctors immediately took care of her and brought her into the surgery room. He did everything right, everything he learned to do if someone got shot in a sensitive area and she was strong! So strong! She would fight for her life, right? She would. He gave her plenty of reasons to fight, so she will get better. She will! She had to! His legs seesaw up and down nervously, he tugged his hair, was rubbing his face, looking around all the time, breathing heavily, and looked like a mess. The sweat ran down his face and back; he must have looked like a homeless from the street. His shirt all dirty and covered with blood, as so his hands, and there was a little bit on his neck too. Carrying her to the hospital wasn't the best idea for his wounded shoulder, so he had great pain in that, but he was ignoring it. He told Stark to inform the Colonel and Peggy that he would be here at the hospital. So he waited. Waited, waited, and waited for hours. The next time when he heard a door and raised his head, he saw the Colonel, Peggy, and Steve (?) coming through the door. As soon as the little group spotted him, she stood up and salute, like the soldier he was, because of the Colonel. "Sir" "You look horrible; what happened, Sergeant?" "T-traitors entered the building and tried to steal important information. There was an exchange of fire and Claw – I mean Agent ---- she got to shoot" "Great, and why didn't you cover her? Hm?" "Colonel!" Peggy intervened before he could go after Bucky, who just stood still and listened to his harsh tone. "Oh, to hell with you! Where do I find someone you can give me information's about my niece!" he was rushing by Bucky and towards a little group of nurses. "Bucky" Steve took a step closer and put a hand on his shoulder. "I-I shot one of them and didn't saw the other…." His voice was shaky, and he blinked a few times to keep away the tears. "I-I …. ""Bucky," Steve grabbed his shoulder and pulled him closer into a brotherly hug. He knows how he must felt. When he lost his mother – Sarah – he felt devastated and lost. Everything went dark, and his inward was filled with grieve and darkness. It seems like there was no way out and that this kind of suffering would never end. Like an endless horrible nightmare. "I tried to…. I was so fast" "I know. I know" Steve shook his head. "Don't do this to yourself, Buck. She is not dead, not yet, right?" "No" Bucky freed himself from the hug and ran stressed through his hair. "When – When I got her here, she was breathing, and they said she still has a heartbeat. I told them I would wait here, but they didn't come out of the surgery room since then. If she were dead, they would have told me, right? Right?!" "Yes," Peggy nodded her head calmly. She didn't know if that was true, but Bucky was on the edge of a mental breakdown. Steve looked over the shoulder and looked thankful to Peggy. "We will stay here and wait. We wait until we got news about her condition" he padded his shoulder and offered Bucky to sit down again. Peggy and Steve sat next to him, one at each side. He was so nervous and tensed – Steve never saw him like this. "I-I-"Bucky started to say something and shook his head. He needed to talk about something; he couldn't stand the silence with all the noises around him hammer down on his head all the time. So he needed to distract his brain from going crazy. "We had a talk in the morning before she went down to Starks Bunker for her weapon ---- Rebecca will move from our parent's flat, so I ask her if she would like to move in instead. You should have seen her, looked at me shocked like a deer in headlights" he smiled tiredly. "Did I ask too soon?" he turned his head towards Peggy. "Well… depending on how far you are in your accord?" "I-I don't know, actually. I never knew what was going on inside her head. She was always very devious with her thoughts and behaviors. Did you know-" he smiled when he was thinking back. "That when I first kissed her, she slapped me in the face? Two times! And, bruised my nose and rips" "That's sound like Claw" Steve needed to smile too, he could image that lively, how she did that. She was fiery and sultry when she wanted it, even if she tried her best to be cold and distanced. When you knew her better and longer, you could see how her real- self come through. She was like a fire; you could easily get burned if you get her on the wrong foot, but – if you did it right – was full of warmth and beauty. "God, I really felt for her. Even when he tried to kill me multiple times" "Did she?" Peggy asked, and both guys needed to laugh a little bit. "She did. She throws every possible office equipment after me – hehe – she is really something special. Very special… rare! I got a rare gem," and fast, his glance went from happily reminiscing to an unfortunate reality. "No – don't even think about it," Steve could see, which ugly thought came across his mind and wanted to hinder him from overthinking about it. Bucky wanted to say something when the Colonel came back and stood in front of the tree. Altogether, they stood up and looked, waiting for news. He took a deep breath and started explaining. "She will get better soon. Nothing permanent or serious, just an enormous loss of blood, which will be recovered in a few days. She was Lucky" he took another deep breath and looked straight at Bucky and wanted to say something, but closed his mouth and thought about it again. "All tree if you look horrible, especially you, Barnes! Nevertheless, someone needs to stay here overnight if the intruders' allies will come back to finish it. I will go back to the base and check what they were trying to steal, and the Sergeant will stay here with my niece" then he just turned around and was about to leave the hospital and leave behind surprised people. "Well…" after a few moments, Peggy broke the silence and turned towards Bucky. "You should go then, and we both will see if we can help the Colonel. Steve? Let's got" "Alright," he nodded and looked smiling at Bucky. "See, everything turned out fine. She will be okay soon, so go to see her," and then, Steve and Peggy left the hospital too.

When you awoke, you were in the hospital. You could quickly tell, by the scent of antiseptics, the sad white and sterile walls, and not least of the noises the room makes. The monotonic beep of the mechanicals next to her and the Nurses calling for doctors and medicaments on the floor. You could not remember much, your memories were pretty blurry, but you knew that someone shoots at you and got you. You needed to blink a few times because the room was pretty light. You felt pressure and soft stroking movements at your hand and underarm, so you tried to move your head a little bit to see who it was. As soon as you saw the short brown hair, you knew it was Bucky.

"Hey," your voice was thin, flat, and scratchy, and as soon as Bucky heard it, he raised his head. Man – this guy looks tired and pale like a poltergeist. "I don't have a mirror ---- but ---- I think I look better than you" "Well-" he smiled exhausted, "I aged 10 years since I am in this hospital" "You did?" you tried to smile too, but you were tired yourself. "I am a shadow of myself – the doc's said that you will be good in a few days. You just lost a lot of blood, but no organ was badly harmed" "Blessing in disguise, I guess?" "Yes, something like that" Bucky took a deep, deep breath, and it looked as if the weight of the world would fall off his shoulders. Then – slowly – their last conversation came across her mind. Nearly dying made a lot of things easier and faster to decide. "Hey Buck," you squeezed his hand back. "Hm?" "After the War… help me to sell the house of my father, I guess I will not need it anymore" he knit his eyebrows and needed a few moments, until he realized what she was saying, a big bright smile on his lips. "I will," he needed. He would clasp her under different circumstances, but maybe this is not the right moment for doing so.

Your wound healed perfectly, and you were soon able to work a little bit out. Certainly, Bucky begs you not to overdo it, but you know where your limits were. You could do the paperwork and file on the capturing Plan for Zola. You got new information's regarding him and his whereabouts. Still, it was Tricky to get him there because he would be in the Austrian Alps. As far as you know, there was just one transportation device, which would pass through the alps and that was a train. If you don't know, jumping on a train at full speed was indeed a tricky thing but the best way you could do it. The time slot was tiny, so just a few people could do that and were actually able to do that. Sadly, Bucky and Steve were pretty at the top of this list because they have both extraordinary physical skills. To be honest? You didn't want Bucky to go there, you had a bad feeling about it, and you could always trust your feeling.

This mission was different because it was more dangerous than usual. You had a long and detailed meeting with the guys about it and how they should do it. It was really a matter of small details because if they miss just one thing, that could mean they will die. And after the meeting, nobody was in a good mood. Everybody was somehow severe and lost in their thoughts. The fact that nobody felt right about this one was a massive elephant in the room. Seriously, everybody thought it was a stupid idea. Even your uncle asked the guys if they want to let that opportunity pass. It was a mission, but no mission was it worth do die – at least when it comes down to your opinion. There would be another chance to capture Zola, so it was legitimate to let this one pass. But you know what? This Unit was filled with stupid apes! Of course, they wanted to do it. Just this one time – this ONE TIME – you wished Bucky would be less brave and just stay in the base, but of course, he couldn't let Steve go alone. Well, you wanted Steve to stay too! These were your Boys, your little family; you couldn't lose them! Accordingly to that, you and Bucky were pretty speechless during the night. You wanted to say something like you always do. Poke him, annoy him, tease him, or something else, but you didn't feel in the mood for it. Same for him. Usually, he would say something funny to raise your spirits, but even now, he couldn't say something, so you two just laid there in silence and stared into the darkroom.

It must have been a couple hours, but you finally find your voice, to say at least something. "Don't do anything stupid, okay?" your voice was soft, a little bit shaky, and he could he hear a few cracks in it. "Promised," but you could say that based on his voice, he couldn't. He just said it to calm you, but it didn't work.

"Sergeant Barnes, fall of the train! Bucky is… is gone!"

A few years later…

Over a year later, after the war was won, you found Peggy standing in front of Steve's grave. You didn't saw her for a few years, but you heard she works in a police station – or something like that. You, for yourself, didn't do much. You still worked in the Army with your uncle, but you went here every once in a while. To visit Bucky and Steve and today, Peggy, keep your company.

"Hey" – "H-Hey" Peggy whipped the tears away and shook her head a few times. She was standing in front of the grave of Steve Rogers, alias Captain America. It was a massive light stone with golden letters. Many people left flowers behind, stuffed animals, cards, and different things. They still do this when the anniversary of Steve's death was coming near. They knew the war was won because of what he and the Howling commando did, so they wanted to tribute the fallen Hero. Next to Steve's grave was Bucky's. The stone was a little bit smaller but as beautiful as Steve's was. You and Peggy agreed that these two idiots needed to be buried next to each other, even though you had no corpse to bury. "H-How are you?" she asked you, but you just shook your head. It's been a while since the war, but you still weren't right. "Devastated. Still but I am working on it. You?" "Working on it," she answered and took a deep breath. And then you two were just standing there and staring at these stones in silence. Bucky and Steve shared a special bond, and you can tell it was a strong one. And now? You and Peggy shared a similar bind, created by the pain of the same loss. "I hate my work" Peggy started to say something. "Full of man how didn't take me seriously, and I have to operate in the shadows. I don't mind the shadows, but I don't think I am doing something meaningful! I own Steve to try to protect the world he saved with his life! Or, don't I?" she asked you. Well, you couldn't answer that, not for her or for yourself. But the way she said it sounds like a plan. Like she already had something in mind to do something against that. "What you mean?" "I-I-" she stopped and took another deep breath before she explained her vision to you. She wanted to create an organization to protect the whole world. An institution filled with skilled people from anywhere possible, who come together to save humankind from any kind of danger. She said that Stark liked that idea and was already in, but she needed more people to make it work. Howard would take care of the equipment, but she required Agents and Spy. And she would prefer people she already worked with from war, so she meant you. "and how is that called? This Group? The Fanatic's?" you joked about, but Peggy just shook her head. She didn't have a name either, but it needed to be something catchy. "But would you join and help me?" "Yes," you didn't think long about it. What else should you do? And you liked Peggy and enjoyed working with her. "But we need a good name" "You don't say" she rolled with her eyes and seemed to think about it. "Maybe something like –"Peggy wanted to say something but broke up with her sentence. Apparently, she hadn't a good idea. She wanted something to remember Steve and honor him, but she didn't found a good acronym. You thought about it too, for a while until something catches your eye. Over Steve's name in the gravestone, there was a little symbol. To simplify it, it was his Shield he chooses as his weapon. Funny enough that he wanted to have a tool of protection as his weapon. It was his symbol, his signature to have this Shield with him, and that when it comes to your mind. "S.H.I.E.L.D – Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics" "A long name," she commented. "But it's fitting" "Well…. Yeah. Shield" "With a memorial wall in the main base" "Memorial wall?" "For all the fallen soldiers. To honor them," you said, and Peggy nodded as she looked down on the two Stones next to each other. "Agent Barnes and Agent Rogers will be the first names on it. Because I know they would have joined Shield" "They would," you nodded and smiled, while you softly remember Bucky's and Steve's smile.

[dekatsu]

A part 3 to Katsuki’s nightmare. Click for Part 1 and Part 2

After that weird outburst of laughter, Todoroki starts avoiding him. Katsuki can't even blame the guy, considering how out of character that was for him. The most likely culprit for it would be that mysterious lover of his. Katsuki blames giddiness over moving in together or some shit.

He doesn’t want anything to do with that so he ignores it like he does everything else he can’t be bothered with, Todoroki keeps shying away from him, and Kuri is happily purring on his chest from time to time.

It all comes crashing down on him when Midoriya accosts him on a Friday evening while he’s making his way back home. The guy just so happened to see him and decided to stick around, apparently.

And he keeps making small talk as if Katsuki is interested in his opinion of the weather or whether he’s eaten or not. He talks and talks, without any input from Katsuki.

“Shut up,” Katsuki finally speaks up, not able to hold out any longer. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Oh, thank god,” Midoriya says, apparently sheepish now, when he was talking a mile a minute just two seconds ago. “I was afraid you were ignoring me.”

“It’s exactly what I was doing,” Katsuki grits out but starts walking again. “Stop following me. What are you, a stalker?”

“Actually,” Midoriya starts and falls silent just as suddenly. Katsuki can feel a headache coming. Anything the ass does only fuels Katsuki’s bad opinion of him.

“Spit it out. You had no problem talking my ear off ‘till just now, didn’t you?”

“Right,” Midoriya mutters, hurrying to fall into step with him. Katsuki notes with satisfaction that he’s got a few inches on Midoriya. It’s not like the man is small, it’s just that Katsuki and Todoroki are on the rather tall end of the spectrum. He’s grown quite a bit since high school.

He hates how Todoroki is just a smidgen taller than him but that’s easy to ignore, when Todoroki looks like a damn bean sprout and Katsuki prides himself in a healthy workout routine.

“I was wondering if Shouto talked to you yet…” Midoriya finally spills and Katsuki immediately regrets asking.

“No,” he says.

“Right, I thought so-”

“That’s not what I fucking meant.” Katsuki turns on him which causes Midoriya to fall back a step. Looking down on him, Katsuki declares, “I ain’t moving in with some asshole who can’t be bothered to name his damn cat.”

“Wha?” Midoriya splutters, flushing. Then, before Katsuki can truly go off on him, Midoriya holds up a hand and manages to gain space without pushing him away. “No!”

“No, what?” Katsuki asks, annoyed that he fell back that one step. “No, you aren’t a horrible asshole or no you didn’t leave Kuri with the most irresponsible human plant ever?”

“I named her. I just wasn’t around to call her by her name! I found her on the night before my business trip and had no choice but to leave her with Shouto since we were out having dinner together. And then Shouto told me you named her, too!”

“The fuck?” Katsuki asks, frowning. He’s starting to get a better picture of the situation but it doesn’t make him any happier.

“She was abandoned and it was raining. I was a little drunk, I must admit, but I couldn’t leave her alone and my apartment doesn’t allow pets, not to mention that I had a business trip overseas the next day. Shouto agreed to look after her ‘cause I couldn't make other arrangements on such short notice.” After vomiting all that out, Midoriya takes a deep breath and narrows his eyes back at Katsuki. “I appreciate all you did for Ki- Kuri, I do. But you can’t ju-”

“What did you name her?” Katsuki interrupts him.

“What?” Midoriya asks, bewildered.

“You said you named her. What?”

“I want you to know, I named her first,” Midoriya says and deflates with it. “I named her the day after I found her and Shouto knew, actually. I texted him.”

Of course his damn roommate knew. He probably forgot ‘cause he never bothered to interact with Kuri past the feeding and cleaning of the litter box. And apparently a visit to the vet.

“Just spill already.”

“Kiri.”

“Kiri?”

“Yeah.”

“You sure it’s not Kuri.”

“I named her first,” Midoriya insists and starts walking again. “Kiri because she’s gray and the first thing that came to mind was fog.”

Katsuki snorts, but follows anyway. “Kuri is better. And she reacts to it.” It’s his win. Also Kiri reminds him too much of Kirishima. He can’t associate it with Kuri. It might also be another reason why Todoroki didn’t bother to call her that.

“You won’t know if she will react to Kiri or not, until you try calling her that.”

“Hah. We can try right now and see you fail miserably.”

“I saved her. She will react to anything I call her.”

Katsuki snorts and finally overtakes Midoriya, to lead the way to his apartment. “She saw you for all of a night. I looked after her for close to three months. The only one she will play favourites with is me.” Which is true, since Kuri still hates Todoroki.

Feeling his imminent victory, Katsuki doesn’t even bother getting angry about Midoriya’s obvious bait. The loser was aiming to end up at his apartment from the beginning but Katsuki could care less. Once he proves his point, he will pawn Midoriya off to Todoroki.

He’s grinning for the rest of their short trip and once he unlocks the door and bends to take his shoes off, he can hear the cautious steps coming towards them. His grin only grows wilder when, after making sure that it’s not Todoroki at the door, Kuri comes to greet him with a very soft mewl and an obvious invitation for scratches.

So, Katsuki reaches out to give her these scratches as a reward for the sweet victory she will give him. “Hey there, Kuri.”

When he turns around to boast about it, he stops short at the soft look in Midoriya’s eyes and the small smile on his face. “She looks healthy and happy,” he observes.

Katsuki feels an itch at the back of his neck, his grin falling off his face. He leaves Kuri at the door to stare at Midoriya as he stomps to his room and discards his bag on the ground. “Of course, she is. Who the fuck is looking after her, Todoroki?” Katsuki mutters, changing into comfortable clothes before he goes to wash his hands.

He’s not good with shit like that, alright.

When he’s done settling in, he realizes that Midoriya and Kuri are still staring at each other in the hallway. “Move your ass in and close the door,” Katsuki tells him, annoyed at the whole situation. Someone just had to ruin the mood.

“Right, sorry,” Midoriya whispers, trying not to spook the cat but there is nothing to spook.

“Kuri,” Katsuki calls out, finally feeling a sense of satisfaction again when her right ear twitches before she turns and follows him into the living room. He can feel Midoriya’s eyes on them as they leave him standing there.

By the time Midoriya joins them in the living room, Katsuki has settled in with Kuri curled up on his lap. “Go on. Try and fail,” he goads, leaning back and stretching his arms out.

Midoriya only spares him a glare before he sighs and crouches down, leaning on the balls of his feet in front of Katsuki, to be at eye level with her. “Hello there,” he starts but doesn’t get a response.

Katsuki doesn’t bother holding back a grin. That’s a good girl for ya.

“Remember me?” Midoriya tries, leaning farther forward and slowly reaching a hand out. “Hey,” he whispers before he says, softly, “Kiri.”

Kuri looks up at that just as the front door slams shut, spooking Kuri who then jumps up and off Katsuki’s lap to step on Midoriya’s head and fall gracefully onto the ground before disappearing. Midoriya loses balance and falls forward into Katsuki’s lap before Katsuki can stop him and Todoroki appears at the entrance to the living room just as Katsuki manages to get a hold of Midoriya’s shoulders.

Todoroki stares at them. Midoriya manages to lift his face out of Katsuki’s lap and Katsuki marvels at the expression of distaste on Todoroki’s face. At the end of this shitshow, he will at least remember that there are things that Todoroki dislikes other than his father.

“Yo,” he calls out because he can’t be bothered to save this train wreck. He’s zen like that. This is the universe telling him he can’t win it all. Life’s gotta be fair and hand him shit like this every now and then. 

“Shouto,” Midoriya greets in a strangled voice.

Todoroki falls back into his plant routine and wipes the expression off his face. “Midoriya,” he greets back before his eyes meet Katsuki’s. “I didn’t mean to disturb.” And then he takes off down the hallway to his room.

“Shouto, wait!” Midoriya calls out, a hand on Katsuki’s thigh to push himself up. Only his damn hand slips and Midoriya falls, sliding his hand right down and crushing it into Katsuki’s crotch.

Katsuki flinches so hard he sees black for a second before the pain really sets in and he rolls down the couch, hand protecting his crotch from anymore assault. He thinks Midoriya screams or maybe that’s him but the pain is too deafening to make sure. He feels like a raw nerve suddenly exposed and assaulted.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was trying to get up. Are you alright? Need me to call an ambulance?” Midoriya mutters with fluttering hands, taking a step closer and then back again. Katsuki would laugh at his stupid dance but the pain is real. He fucking hurts so bad he wants to blow Midoriya up to show him just how fucking bad.

Again he laments the fact that he can’t magically blow shit up.

His own private hell only gets worse when Todoroki comes back into the living room and frowns at them. He stares at Katsuki before looking at Midoriya who is still apologizing and Katsuki just knows that whatever the fuck Todoroki’s about to say will make his brain hurt but the real pain in his dick stops him from stopping Todoroki.

“Did you bite it?” Todoroki asks Midoriya.

Katsuki screams.

part 4

#bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #todoroki shouto #mine #my writing #i love this bullshit #crack

[nyanbinary-zack-foster]

Henry walked outside, it was late into the night, the stars shining brightly overhead. He wasn't sure exactly why he had wandered out, but there were things on his mind he needed to walk off, and maybe this would help.

He thought over the past month or so - had it even been a month? Maybe longer? He couldn't remember - recalling his failed bank heist and the subsequent prison sentence. Maybe it was his fault for not thinking things through. He should've known there'd be security!

At least he was out of prison now, but what could he do? With a criminal record, he probably wouldn't be able to get a decent job, and after this he doubted himself with how good he'd be at another heist... He wished life would just give him a break.

Wait.

Where was he?

He had been wandering aimlessly for a while. When had he left the city limits? And as if that wasn't bad enough, he wasn't sure which direction he came from - he was lost.

Great.

Even his scarf and sweater weren't doing much for keeping him warm - it was freezing. He needed to get back. Maybe if he looked around he'd find his way back, or find shelter. But it seemed hopeless right now. Was this a trend of some kind in his life?

It felt like nothing he did went well, no matter what it was, it was hard not to be down on himself. He kept hitting walls and failing at even the most basic of plans. He just needed something, anything to show him he could do well.

And then he saw it.

There was... Some kind of cave, the entrance barely opened out of the ground. And deep in it, there was the sparkle of something shiny and purple.

Shiny. So shiny. He couldn't resist entering the cave.

Henry pulled out his phone as he entered the cave, using the dim screen as a flashlight - he should've charged the phone honestly - and discovered the walls appeared to be covered in crystal growths, the light bouncing off of them in a dazzling display. But Henry was far too focused on the much more sparkly object deeper within.

As he delved deeper into the cave, the walls slowly opened up, leading to a much larger crystalline cavern. As much as the light bounced off of the crystals, the deeper parts of the cave remained shrouded in darkness. In the center, on the ground, was a strange sight.

A perfectly polished, rounded purple gemstone. Every drop of light that fell onto it caused the gem to glitter beautifully. Henry slowly picked it up - it fit in his hands fairly well, and, while heavy, was easy enough to hold.

At first, he saw this as a stroke of good luck. Maybe life was finally turning around for him, and this was some apology from the universe for his previously horrible luck?

And then something appeared. Something he wasn't sure how to react to.

In the dark recesses of the cavern, two bright, multicolored eyes stared at him. The creature shifted, and two crystal-like wings unfolded from it's back, shining in the same colors as it's eyes. Purple crystals lined it's serpentine body, revealing themselves as it moved.

Oh no.

Henry was frozen in fear for a fraction of a second. He had somehow discovered the lair of some kind of... Dragon? Giant snake?? Something, and was now holding what was most likely it's treasure.

He needed to run.

Attempting to scramble away from the beast, he ran toward the entrance of the cave, but found it was too late. The creature had curled it's tail in front of it.

He was doomed.

Henry turned around, facing the creature as it came more into view. It's skin - scales? - were a dull purple color, and upon it's head were two sharp horns. It lifted itself up with it's claws, large and sharp, that could very easily grab Henry without much effort.

And then it spoke.

"Hello young one," it's voice rang out as it's eyes focused on Henry. It sounded old and wise, but strangely kind. "I see you have found quite the treasure."

Henry wasn't sure how to respond. Or if he *could* respond. All he managed was a nod. His voice failed to come out and his hands were far too shaky to properly sign right now.

The beast noticed his fear, reading him with ease. "Do not be afraid. I do not intend to harm you. That gem is quite special. Would you like to know how?"

Henry looked down, finding it hard to meet the eyes of the serpent. He nodded again, trying to calm himself down enough to say... Something, anything.

The dragon relaxed, laying it's body closer to the ground. "It can read your very desires, and show you the best way to achieve them. A way without failure or drawbacks. The perfect path.

He looked up, eyes wide. Was that true? How could a simple gemstone do that??

Once again, the creature read him like a book. "Think of what you desire most, then look into the orb."

Henry thought for a moment. Then he recalled something he heard about. There was an exhibit for some massive diamond soon, right? That... Would be nice to have. It was really pretty... He thought about it and looked into the orb.

It was as if there was some kind of screen in it. He saw everything, the plan laid out before him, only for a few seconds but it felt like he understood every step in detail. Not a single slip up. The diamond in his grasp by the end.

The monster chuckled. "I can tell you saw exactly what you needed to. If you would like to carry out that very plan, I will allow you to keep the gemstone."

Henry looked up, though he couldn't see it himself, his eyes briefly flashed the same color as the beast's eyes did. He managed to mutter out one word quietly. "Really?..."

"Indeed, on one condition. Though I believe you'll find this one beneficial to the both of us." He tilted his head slightly before speaking again. "All I ask is for you to work with me. I desire the same things you do. Our enemies are one in the same. Together, we will be unstoppable. Do you accept?"

Henry thought for a moment. If he was telling the truth, what would be the downside? Having someone who wanted the same things as you on your side would be great. His voice came out slightly louder than before, only a little more confident, just barely.

"I accept."

The creature - no, his *friend* - smiled. "Then it is a deal. I suppose I should introduce myself more formally. You may call me Chronos."

"... Henry Stickmin."

---------------🔮---------------

OH BOY LONG ASS STORY tumblr if you eat this one I'll kill you

Anyways here's how Chronos and Henry met! I'm choosing not to think about it's flaws too much because then I'll get too scared to post it.

Uh. Enjoy?

#the henry stickmin collection #henry stickmin #henry stickmin au #vaniwo henry au #vaniwo #vanishing world #CODENAME-CRYSTAL

[zukoskataraa]

a request i got from @yaeno-gen! thanks for the request!

prompt #3: it’s three in the morning.

“So, I’ll see you tomorrow?” Katara says as Zuko drops her off at her place. Katara unlocks her seatbelt and turns to face Zuko. Zuko turns to Katara, smiling, placing his hand over hers.

“Yup. 3pm. I’ll pick you up.” Zuko says.

“I had a great time today. Thanks for treating me to dinner. It was delicious.” Katara smiles.

“I’m glad you liked it. We could go there again soon if you’d like.” Zuko says and Katara nods.

“Sure, that’d be great. Anyway, I should get going. It’s late and I still have a class at 1 tomorrow.”

“Oh yes, sure. Sorry for keeping you.” Zuko says. Katara leans in for a hug, and Zuko smiles as he hugs her back. Zuko loved that Katara smelled of vanilla, it was intoxicating to him. Katara pulls away first, smiling.

“See you tomorrow.” She gives Zuko a quick peck on the cheek, making Zuko blush. She opens the door and walks out, closing it. Zuko drives to his place, smiling the whole time.

Katara walks into her apartment, embarrassed that she kissed Zuko. It was only a peck on the cheek, that’s what she told herself. It didn’t mean anything. She takes off her shoes and makes her way to her bathroom, running the water for a bath. She grabs her phone from her bag and calls Suki, who answers right away.

“H-”

“How was the date? Did you guys finally kiss? Are you guys dating now? Spill, Kat!” Suki says, excited. Katara sits down on her couch.

“It wasn’t a date. I already told you that.” Katara says, sighing.

“Okay, fine. It wasn’t.” Suki says, mockingly.

“I know you’re being sarcastic. Anyway, to answer your other questions. We are not dating. And I may or may not have kissed him.” Katara says and Suki squeals. “Hey, relax. It was only a peck on the cheek.”

“Awww, that’s lame. But still, I’m surprised you made the first move.” Suki says, giggling. “I’m proud of you. You’ve been crushing on him for what? A year now? And you guys only started hanging out like two months ago. It’s progress, Kat. He obviously likes you too. Both of you are just too dense to admit it first.” Suki says. Katara sighs, standing up as she walks to the bathroom to turn off the water.

“I mean, I wouldn’t exactly say dense.” Katara says. “But still. You’re right. It’ll happen sooner or later.”

“Of course I’m right. I always am. Anyway, I gotta finish this assignment. See you tomorrow!” Suki hangs up, and Katara puts her phone on the bathroom counter. She takes off her clothes and steps into the bath, slowly going down. The warm water felt like heaven on her skin, and it felt as if her stress had been taken away. She sat there, contemplating if she should confess to Zuko, or wait for Zuko to confess to her.

Katara got out of the tub a few minutes later, and changed into her pajamas. Sleep was taking over her, it was midnight already and she was out the whole day. She decided to sleep on it, hoping she would have a decision in the morning regarding her and Zuko.

-

“Ugh, I’m so tired. That test was so hard.” Suki says as she links her arms with Katara’s as they walk out of their class.

“I know right? I didn’t even get to finish the essay at the back.” Katara says and Suki stops dead in her tracks. “What’s the matter?” Katara asks, looking at Suki.

“There’s… a back part? An essay?” Suki says and Katara giggles.

“Yes, Suki. There was. But based on your reaction, I’m guessing you didn’t know.” Katara says and Suki sighs.

“That’s it. I’m failing. I’m just gonna drop out and become a stripper.” Suki says and Katara just laughs. “Anyway, what time is your boyfriend picking you up?” Suki asks and Katara blushes.

“H-He’s not my boyfriend.” Katara stutters. Suki laughs. “He told me he’d wait at the front for me at 3.”

“Well, it’s like…” Suki checks her watch. “2:57 right now. So you should get going.”

“I don’t think he’s there yet though. Plus, you're going that way, right? We can go together.” Katara says and Suki nods.

“So, are you gonna tell him?” Suki asks, and Katara blushes.

“Well, I want to. But I don’t want to be rejected. Remember what happened with Jet?” Katara says and Suki fumes.

“I hate that guy. Jet was such a piece of shit, I can’t believe you almost dated him.” Suki says and Katara giggles.

“Calm down, chief. I hate him too, but I learned something from him. Plus, the past is in the past, right?”

“Right. And that means you should confess to Zuko and then you two can start dating and get married and have bab-" Suki stops when she sees Zuko walk up to them, smiling.

“Hi, Katara. Suki.” He greets them politely and Suki smiles.

“Hey, Zuko. Nice meeting you, but I should get going. I don’t wanna get in the way of you two lovebirds. Bye Kat, bye Zuko!” Suki walks away before Katara can speak.

“Uh, don’t mind Suki. You know how she can be.” Katara says and Zuko chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

“It’s alright, I don’t mind.” Zuko says. On unspoken terms, they start to walk outside towards the university parking lot. “So, are you hungry?”

“Yeah, kind of. I could go for some burgers right now.” Katara says and Zuko smiles.

“Perfect.” He takes his car keys out from his pocket and unlocks the car, opening the door for Katara. She blushes as she gets inside, and Zuko closes the door. He walks over to the driver’s side and gets in, putting the key in the ignition and closes the door. “There’s this awesome fastfood restaurant a few blocks from here. You know Burger Joint?” Zuko starts to drive, and Katara nods. “It’s only like less than 5 minutes from here to there.”

“Yeah, I’ve been there. Once, with Suki. A month ago I think.” Katara says. “Suki found out that her boyfriend, now her ex, cheated on her, and she was so mad that she wanted to eat anything she could. Don’t ask me, I don’t know why. But, we went to Burger Joint and she ordered like 3 king-sized meals, and like you know how big their servings are, right? But she finished them all.” Katara laughs and Zuko joins her. “She was so full by the end of it, she almost threw up at the table.”

“Oh wow, I hope she doesn’t get her heart broken like that again.” Zuko says, sincerity in his voice.

“Me too. She deserves better than that.” Katara says. “How’d your morning go? Did you have any classes?”

“I had one class at 10, but the teacher didn’t show.” Zuko says, turning left as they reach their destination. “So I stayed in the library and waited for you.” Zuko says and Katara blushes. He drives into a parking slot and stops, turning off the engine.

“So, you haven’t eaten lunch yet?” Katara asks, unbuckling her seatbelt. She wanted to scold him for not eating lunch, but they weren’t a couple, so she didn’t have the right to do it. “Also, can I leave my bag here? I’ll just bring my phone and wallet.”

“Nope, I haven’t eaten yet. And yeah sure go ahead.” Zuko says as he unbuckles his and takes out his car keys. “Hang on.” Zuko gets out of the car and walks over to the other side of the car, opening the door for Katara. Katara looks up at Zuko, and Zuko gives her a wink. She blushes as she gets out of the car, and Zuko closes the door and locks it.

“Thanks. Also, you should have eaten. Not eating lunch isn’t good for you, you know.” Katara says as she and Zuko walk to the entrance of the restaurant. Zuko chuckles.

“Aw, you care for me.” Zuko teases and Katara looks away, blushing.

“W-What? Of course I do.” Katara says, and she immediately stops. “N-Not like that though! I just meant like, uh, you know…” Katara stutters and Zuko laughs, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as they continue to walk. ‘She’s so cute’ Zuko smiles, thinking.

“I was just teasing, Katara. Thanks for looking out for me though.” Zuko says and Katara blushes.

“So, what do you want?” Zuko asks as they enter the restaurant. Katara looks at the menu displayed above the registers. “Go crazy. I’m paying.” Zuko says.

“Y-You don’t have to do that, Zuko. I can pay for this. You already paid for dinner last night.” Katara says. “And I’m not taking no for an answer.” She adds before Zuko can speak. Zuko chuckles, and lifts his hands up in surrender.

“Okay, okay. I’ll just have what you’re having then.” Zuko says and Katara nods. They walk up to the cashier and he takes their orders.

“And for your drinks, ma’am?” The cashier asks. “One large milkshake? It’s big enough to share with your boyfriend.” The cashier says and Katara and Zuko blush.

“Oh! He’s not… We’re not dating.” Katara says and Zuko chuckles.

“We’re just friends.” Zuko says, and Katara nods.

“My bad. Sorry. So, um, what would you like to drink?” The cashier asks.

“I’ll take a strawberry milkshake. Small.” Katara says.

“Uh, I’ll have a small vanilla milkshake.” Zuko says and the cashier nods. Katara pays and the cashier prepares their orders while they wait at the side.

“Here you go. Two king-sized meals with a vanilla milkshake and strawberry milkshake.” The cashier says.

“Thank you.” Katara and Zuko say in unison. Zuko picks up the tray, and Katara holds their cups.

“Oh, let’s sit there by the window.” Katara says as she walks ahead and puts the cups on the table. Zuko follows her and places their tray there. They sit down, silence hanging in the air.

“Let’s eat!” Katara says as she grabs her burger and Zuko smiles, following her.

“Yes, let’s.” Zuko says and they eat in a comfortable silence.

“Oh.” Katara breaks the silence a minute later, wiping her mouth with a tissue. “Are we going anywhere after this? Because I have to edit this paper that’s due later, so I need to get back home soon.”

“Oh, I was hoping-” Zuko starts but doesn’t finish. “Oh, yeah. I can drop you off after this.” Zuko says, and Katara nods, smiling. Zuko wanted to spend more time with Katara. He had planned to watch a movie with her, and eat dinner and go to the park. He had planned to confess to Katara later, but now his plans were ruined.

“Zuko?” Katara asks, and Zuko looks up at her.

“Yeah? What’s up?”

“Well, you suddenly froze and started glaring outside the window. Are you okay?” Katara asks.

“Yeah, sorry. I’m fine.” Zuko smiles and he continues to eat his food. An awkward silence looms over them as they finish their food.

“You ready to go?” Zuko asks a few minutes after they finish eating.

“Yeah, let’s go.” Katara smiles. They head out of the restaurant and walk towards Zuko’s car.

“Hey, I’m sorry for not being able to hang out with you for the rest of the afternoon.” Katara says once they’re inside the car.

“Don’t worry about it. You don’t have to be sorry, Kat.” Zuko says.

“I know. But I was looking forward to hanging out today. I can’t believe I forgot that I had to pass the paper today.” Katara says.

“I was looking forward to it too.” Zuko starts the car and they head out of the parking lot. “But, there’s always next time, right?” Zuko asks, uncertain.

“Yeah! Of course.” Katara says. Silence hangs in the air, both of them unsure of what to say.

“I’ll see you soon?” Zuko asks once they arrive at Katara’s apartment.

“Definitely. Thanks for dropping me off. And sorry once again. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” Katara says as she unbuckles her seatbelt.

“It’s no problem.” Zuko smiles. Katara reaches over and gives Zuko a quick peck on the cheek before heading out of the car.

-a few hours later-

“H-“

“Suki I messed up!!! Help me!” Katara says, panicking.

“Whoa, whoa. What happened? Are you okay?” Suki asks, worried.

“I can’t sleep because I messed up, and now Zuko won’t talk to me ever again! I told him I had this paper to pass earlier tonight, so we ended our date early!” Katara says. “And I don’t even have a paper to pass! I just suddenly panicked when we were eating, I don’t know why. Help me! Why am I like this?”

“Hey, calm down Katara.” Suki says and Katara sits down on the edge of her bed, taking deep breaths. “Are you okay now?”

“Yeah. I am. But what am I gonna do? I regret everything.” Katara says and Suki sighs.

“Okay, it’s like 2 in the morning. Maybe you should get some sleep and then call him in the morning.” Suki says.

“Y-yeah. That sounds good.” Katara says.

“You know, you called it a date.” Suki says, amusement in her voice.

“W-What?”

“You know, your hangout session yesterday. You called it a date.” Suki says.

“I didn’t!”

“You did.”

“You’re just imagining things.” Katara says.

“I’m not. Anyway, get some sleep, Kat.” A yawn comes from Suki. “I’m gonna head to bed now. Goodnight.” Suki hangs up, leaving Katara with her thoughts.

And that’s how Katara ended up in front of Zuko’s door at 3am, wearing her pajamas. She takes a deep breath, and knocks on the door. She bites her lip looking at the ground, hoping that Zuko would answer. She also remembers that it’s 3am, so Zuko was probably sleeping.

“Who’s there?” A groggy voice says, the door opening. Katara looks up and sees Zuko, hair messy, and looks down to realize that he’s not wearing a shirt. She looks up to see him smirking. “You like the view?” He says, his voice still groggy. Katara blushes and her eyes go wide.

“N-No! I mean, yes! Wait! I just mean-“ She stops as Zuko chuckles.

“It’s three in the morning.” Zuko says, suddenly serious.

“I-I know that. But, um, can we talk?” She says, suddenly feeling small. Zuko runs his hands through his hair and makes way for Katara to enter his apartment. Katara walks in, and Zuko closes the door. She turns around and bumps into Zuko, and Zuko wraps his arms around her to prevent her from falling.

“Are you okay? Did something happen?” He asks, and Katara can’t speak. Not when Zuko’s face is inches from hers. Not when he’s holding her so close. Not when she’s staring right into his brown angelic eyes. “Katara?”

“I LIKE YOU.” She blurts out, and both of them widen their eyes. She gulps, waiting for Zuko to say something. “Oh my god, that was so stupid. Look, I-I’m sorry. I didn’t- I wasn’t thinking. I’m gonna go now. Sorry for waking you.” Katara says, breaking free from Zuko’s grasp. She’s about to walk out the door, until…

“Katara.” Zuko says, making Katara shiver.

“I’m sorry. Forget everything I said.”

“How am I supposed to forget that? You told me you liked me, and now you’re saying that you’re sorry? Sorry for what? Do you not like me?” Zuko asks.

“I-I do! I just… I know you don’t feel the same way. So, I’m sorry.” She unlocks the door when Zuko stops her, placing his hand above hers. He’s right behind her, like a predator tapping its prey.

“Here’s the thing, Katara. I like you too.” Zuko says, whispering into her ear.

“Y-You do?” She asks.

“I do.” He replies. “I wasn’t expecting my confession to be like that. But, it’ll do.” Zuko chuckles, and he’s back to his old self. Katara looks up at him and smiles.

“I’m so embarrassed right now.” She covers her face with her hands and Zuko laughs, wrapping her in a hug. She smiles at the warmth his body radiates, and she nuzzles deeper into his chest.

“You’re so cute, you know that?” Zuko says, giving her forehead a peck. She blushes, looking up at him.

“Well, you’re cuter.” Katara says and Zuko shakes his head.

“As much as I’d love to argue, I really wanna go back to bed.” Zuko says and Katara nods.

“Oh, yeah okay. I’ll get going then. See you.” Katara says.

“Hold on. Where do you think you’re going? You’re gonna sleep with me. I’m not gonna let you go out alone at this hour.” Zuko says, and Katara blushes. “Now, come on.” Zuko takes Katara’s hand and leads her to his bedroom.

“I’m not going to touch you. Not unless you want me to, anyway. You can take the left side of the bed.” Zuko says and Katara nods as she lies down. “Goodnight, Kat.” Zuko says, facing her.

“Goodnight Zuko.” She says, facing him. But she doesn’t close her eyes. She stares at Zuko, his pale face illuminated by the moonlight. She gulps as she slowly moves closer to him, and Zuko chuckles.

“Okay, come here.” Zuko gently grabs her and pulls her towards him, nuzzling his face into her hair. Zuko’s thumb gently rubs circles on her back, and Katara smiles as sleep slowly takes her.

-

masterlist | AO3

shoutout to @tonguetidee for giving me an idea for this fic!! <3

#zutara #zuko #katara #atla #a:tla #avatar #the last airbender #avatar the last airbender #avatar: the last airbender #fic #fan fic #fanfic #fan fiction #writing #writing prompt #request #writer #fic writer #suki

[hitsuackerman]

Unpredictable (Overhaul x Reader) pt.10

a/n: do ya’ll love Gei? because this chapter is dedicated for Gei <3

warnings: this cannot be read solo, flamboyance

Links: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 11

Masterlist to my other fics: here :)

Overhaul’s waiting list: @jjk-biased​​ @infinite-universe-love​​ @dirtypride​ @blackymomo03​ @azzie @purple-rabanito​

“I’m sorry but Endeavor’s schedule is still full. If you’d like to set a meeting with him, it would have to wait till next week.” Burnin answered over the phone.

It was now 2 days since the rather nice date with the chief. You could’ve done this yesterday but the chief had insisted you take the day off. Not sure what his intentions were, you took the opportunity nonetheless. Spending it with your family was the best choice. (Mostly for Nomura’s cooking though...)

Now, you were nested in your cubicle. Face buried in a day’s pile of delayed work. Disappointed that the arson case would have to be moved once more. Maybe the HPSC would take interest in this? Probably not. Still, you wrote down a note to call Mera just in case you were sick and tired of the dead ends.

“In that case, schedule me a 20 minute meeting with him. You can choose when and what time.” You replied and ended the call.

Looking at the time, it was almost lunch and you were set to meet with Gei. His workplace was only 10 minutes from your area and you could afford to take your time knowing this day wasn’t as heavy as the rest. Your phone dinged with a notification from the man himself.

Gei is the Best: Honey boo boo. Is it alright if you drop by the hospital first? I have this patient that just WON'T sit still for the love Beyonce >:(

You: Sure :) Need me to lower his BP? That might do the trick.

Gei is the Best: YAS! YOU DA BEST. Imma inform the receptionist. See you in a few! Lunch is on me <3

Taking your things, you informed Tsukauchi that you’d be out for the rest of the day. Upon hearing Gei’s name, he chuckled and asked for you to wait. Opening his desk drawer, he handed you a sealed envelope and told you to hand it to him.

“What’s this?”

“It’s some pictures of a recent guy I caught. He might find the man’s composition interesting. His quirk was body manipulation. It somehow failed and his quirk backfired on him. Try to imagine a human pretzel except… you can’t untangle him.” Tsukauchi explained. The slight look of amused disgust on his face.

“He does find these things interesting. So you’ll be asking him to fix the guy?”

“Yeah. Called him a while ago so he’ll be expecting that.”

After a few more small talk, you excused yourself and made your way to your car. Everything was going well till you saw the chief talking with another officer. Not wanting to have a chat with him, you turned and took the long way towards the parking area.

Now that you were on the road, you stopped at a red light and wore your ear piece. Using your car’s touch screen monitor, you clicked on Overhaul’s contact. It was lunch time, he surely didn’t have any schemes at this time.

“Problem child.” He answered after the second ring.

“Birdman.” You smiled at the pet names. “When are you free to test the earpiece?”

“Unfortunately my schedule is full today. Would tomorrow work?”

“Sure. What time are you available?”

“Lunch will do. Drop by the Shie Hassaikai. We can eat together.”

You did not intend to but your foot stepped on the brakes. Did you just hear him right? The car behind you honked his horn and that made you snap out of your daze. Remembering that he was still on the other line, you shook your head and tried to contain your curiosity.

“You’re not going to kidnap me, are you?”

“I’m more than capable of doing so.” The slight rise of his tone made your stomach feel ticklish. Your hands now held tightly on to the steering wheel, waiting for his next words. “But I’d rather not.”

“(favorite food). And you have a deal.” You turned towards the nearing hospital. Your mouth silently repeated ‘oh my god’ till you saw a parking spot.

“Till then, Problem child.”

When the call ended, you slammed on the brakes once more and shrieked. Feeling your blood pressure rising from the conversation, you placed your hand on your chest. A faint blue glow forming on your palms. Your rapid beating heart and incoming hyperventilation died down.

“Holy shit. It’s been a while since I used that on myself.”

Stepping out of the car, you walked towards the entrance of the hospital. The guard grinned as he saw you approaching. He knew who you were so you were able to skip the log book. Passing by the receptionist, she greeted you and said Gei was waiting in his office.

In the hallway, you could hear the sounds of shoes running around and a few announcements every now and then. Stopping at a window, you observed a few nurses helping some patients. Most of them had tubes connected to their bodies but none of them looked to be in pain. The machines inside were white and you could see how the liquids were gently shaking.

“OH MY LORD!” You turned around and looked at the direction of the scream. “WILL YOU SIT STILL?! I SWEAR TO THE ALMIGHTY FATHER JAY-Z, IF YOU DO NOT SIT STILL I WILL HAVE TO USE THIS ON YOU!”

Running towards his office, you immediately opened the door only to find Gei in his white coat. His hair a shriveled mess, a syringe with clear white liquid, and the patient hiding behind the sofa.

“Gei?”

“Close the door baby girl!” He yelled and lunged towards the patient. Somehow he was able to grab a hold of the hospital gown. Tugging the male into his hold, he turned to face you. “Your quirk please!”

Not wanting to anger Gei, you hurriedly made your way to the two people. Placing your hand on to the male’s chest, both of you saw how his shoulders relaxed. The crazed demeanor was now replaced with one of calm. You felt a tug on your palm and quickly adjusting your control, you increased his blood pressure till he was deemed stable.

You and Gei led the man to the sofa to where he sat down. Keeping your hand on his chest, you maintained control as Gei did his usual magic. Now that you were able to assess the patient, you saw the dislocation his arm had. His sleeves had hidden it from sight.

Watching as your friend used his quirk, the dislocation began to fix itself till it was finally back to normal.

“Now that that’s over with, put him to sleep boo.” Gei said while he walked towards his desk and paged a nurse to come get the patient.

Lowering the blood pressure even more, you felt the patient losing his consciousness. When his head fell, you had finished your job. Making him lean onto the sofa, you closed his eyelids and observed his breathing. It was steady and even. Not long after, a soft snore erupted from the sleeping man.

“What exactly just happened?”

“The way his arm was dislocated made it rather painful. Told him if he would relax, I could ease the pain by a tiny bit. Lord of quirks, the man panicked and began his episode.” Gei explained as he fixed his coat and poured alcohol into his palms. When the nurse arrived, he assisted in carrying the patient into the bed.

“Busy day?” You relaxed on to the chair and held a throw pillow.

“Oh honey no. Nothing I can’t handle. Your presence only made things quicker.” He exaggerated a wink. “Remind me why you didn’t pursue the medical world?”

“I retain information badly. And to top it off, my quirk just makes me into a human sphygmomanometer. It’s helpful but it works better with the police force in times of raids.”

“Well, if yo happy with yo job then do what you do boo.” Taking his coat off, he hung it on his chair and began to keep the files and paper works. Remembering the file in your bag, you reached for it and tossed it onto his table. When Gei saw the penmanship, he nodded and placed it in his drawer. “Send him my thanks and a hug as well~”

Now that Gei was ready, the both of you were now walking in the lobby. A bunch of other nurses greeted him with his hard earned title. Doctor.

“Dr. Hanayaka. Don’t forget your appointment with patient 247 later today.”

“Yes yes. I have it on my sched. Now puh-leaz! I am on break and I need to refresh my beauty with this lady over here.” He winked at the nurse who simply shook her head with amusement. “Go do your thing now, love.”

“It’s amazing how they put up with you.” You commented as both of you exited the building.

“Of course~ I have the charm, the look, and the wits.” He snapped his finger with each description he had for himself. “All I need now is a man.”

Unlocking your car, the both of you got in and drove to the restaurant he had in mind. It wasn’t too far from both your offices so you didn’t mind. It didn’t take too long before you found yourself seated in a comfortable booth by the window with menus in hand. Choosing one of their best sellers, the waitress was quick to get your orders.

“So… how was the date two nights ago?” Gei was in full gossip mode now.

“It ended pretty well.” A smirk formed on your face.Recalling how the chief experienced a bad stomach ache was satisfying. “The food was fine and luckily he didn’t cause a scene since his food made his stomach go bad.”

“Who was he anyway?” He titled his head. He knew you were too busy to even casually date or even try one of those speed dating things. If there was one man he knew you were interested in but it was too obvious you were still blind that the feelings were growing. “You never told me his name, never mentioned how you met, or even his age. Did you meet in Sinder?”

“Don’t freak out or whatever.” Upon seeing him nodding his head, you let out a long and tired sigh. “It’s my chief.”

Gei held on to his chest and began to hyperventilate. His face morphed into one with disgust and disbelief. Even made fake puking sounds to add to his reaction.

“Oh. Heyll. No.” His voice went a range higher. “Sis. Why the hell you go out with that man? You ain’t got no daddy issues! And don’t go tellin’ me no man would take interest in you cause thaz bullshit.”

“It was either that or I get 10 more cases. I already have too much on my hands. Two of which are major.” You explained and sunk deeper onto the chair. “It’s fine, though. The dinner ended on a nice note. His stomach ache was just so bad that he practically pushed me out of his car.”

Gei’s mind went ticking. The chief asks you out on a date, the date ends on a disaster for him but a success for you. Staring at your happy face, he lifted his fleek eyebrow and placed one knee on top of the other. Leaning onto the arm rest and pouting.

“Tell me, baby girl, whatdyu the day before the date?”

“Me and the chief met up with Overhaul for a quick meeting. Then he got mad cause the chief cut me off and then he dropped me home to let me take a shower cause he said I smelled like him.”

“And what does your brain have to say about that?” Gei asked. A sly smile on his face.

“Not much.” You shrugged your shoulders. “He was right, though. I smelled like beetroots.”

“Oh good lord.” Gei uttered to himself. “Beyonce, if you’re out there, bless this oblivious woman…”

“BUT, the waiter at the restaurant was pretty attractive.” Seeing how Gei shimmied his shoulders and leaned in closer was always fun. “I didn’t get his name, though. However, he had pretty cool hair. Like, arrows for the ends.”

“In that case, imma make a reservation.” He smacked his lips just in time for the food to be served.

The rest of the meal was light and fun. Occasional teasing from him which you didn’t take to heart. You had asked him how his job was and his patients, he in turn asked for updates about cases you could speak freely about in public. Now that the food was gone, he reached for his neon pink wallet to hand over the payment.

“By the way, I’m free tomorrow.” He added with a slight jump. “Wanna stop by this new cafe that opened down the block?”

“I can't. I'm meeting Overhaul tomorrow.”

“You say that so casually as if he isn’t a class-B villain.” He pointed out. “Look me straight in the eye and tell me your heart doesn’t skip a beat when you see him.”

And you did. Straight up told him that it did not. However, you still told him that he would sometimes catch you off guard and end up stuttering or catching your breath. All you’re flamboyant friend could do was to send a prayer to his queen that you would one day realize that you were slowly falling for the villain.

Lucky for him, his prayers would be answered soon enough.

Sadly, it came with a cost.

----

another date but this time with Overhoe himself? wew~ the possilities..

do you guys have any questions? feel free to comment and ill gladly answer them :) take care and i hope you guys like this chapter <3

#overhaul x reader #bnha overhaul #mha overhaul #overhaul #chisaki kai x reader #chisaki kai #bnha chisaki kai #mha chisaki kai

[scullysexual]

*Prompt request for AU where Mulder gets Scully pregnant in high school and they are “forced” to marry but fall in love.”

Well, it’s not exactly the final part, I’m gonna give you an epilogue but it can be read as the final part. Dude omg...can I tell you how much I love this universe? So much that once I’m done with the 6th part I’m opening up prompts for this universe that you can send me and I will write. I’ve loved every moment and just...thank you to the anon who sent this prompt because I am obsessed. Anyway, I’m so glad with how this part turned out. After the hiccup of the last part there’s nothing I can find fault with this part which is a rare thing. And I especially like the ending all considered. I’m not the most knowledgeable about babies and ill babies so I dunno how much of this is true, I’m just going off what Google has told me and how I’ve interpreted it. I dunno, let’s just roll with it. @today-in-fic

A Baby Is Forever: Part Five [FINAL]

Part One.

Part Two.

Part Three.

Part Four.

AO3.

- - -

It’s 5:37 am, he’s so tired, and Emily looks tiny in her massive incubator.

He’s been sat here for almost an hour, only having moved once to go to the bathroom then he was right back in this chair.

He doesn’t like seeing her like this, hooked up to a machine, wires everywhere, it’s scary. She should be being held, asleep against Scully, not a floor away from her.

The nurse from earlier comes back in, Mulder thinks he remembers her saying something about being back in an hour, and she is back, checking the machine, checking Emily.

“You’re still here?” she says surprised when she sees him.

He nods. “I don’t want to leave her on her own,” he says.

The nurse nods, smiling.

“Have you let her hold your finger yet?”

Mulder shakes his head. He wasn’t aware he should have or if he was even allowed to touch her.

“See if her reflexes work,” the nurse says and when Mulder looks at her asking how he does that, she explains. “Press gently on her palm, her fingers should close around yours.”

Slowly, Mulder puts his hand through the hole in the incubator, Emily’s hand is open and he slides his finger over her palm, feeling her soft skin. He does as the nurse told him to, gently pressing down and Emily’s fingers curl around his forefinger, holding tightly in her strong little grip.

Mulder marvels at it, smiling for what feels like the first time all night.

He looks over to the nurse then asking, “Can I talk to her?”

“You should,” she says nodding. “It’ll get her used to your voice.” She turns back to what she was doing.

He moves in closer to the incubator, his finger still in her grip.

“Hey, Emily.” She’s sleeping currently so Mulder’s unsure whether she will hear him or not but he likes to think that she does, even asleep her subconscious is getting used to his voice, getting to know it. “That’s your name, I don’t know if anyone’s told you that yet.” He pauses to look over at the nurse, she’s given them some privacy, messing with something on a table. He turns back to Emily. “I know you’re scared, I am too, but you don’t need to be because you’re getting looked after really well here but you have to help out, too and then we’ll be able to take you home.” He moves in closer, as close as the incubator will let him get and whispers, “Can you do that for me, baby?”

So desperately does he want to reach in and hold her properly, take her to Scully to hold them both, but he can’t.

“How long will she be here for?” he asks.

The nurse turns when she realises he’s talking to her and moves towards him.

“Hopefully you’ll be able to take her home within in a week. We just want to monitor her breathing.”

Mulder nods. A week, that’s shorter than he was expecting.

“Do you have a telephone I can use?”

“In the hall.”

He looks down at Emily and is hesitant to leave her but he needs to ring home, tell them where he is, what’s happened.

“I’ll stay with her,” the nurse says.

Saying thank you, Mulder pulls his finger out from Emily’s hand (missing the feel immediately) and heads out of the room.

He finds the phone easily enough and dials home. After the fourth ring, his mother answers.

Hello?

“Hi, Mom.”

Fox, where are you?

“At the hospital. Scully went into labour early.”

Oh, goodness. Is she okay? How’s the baby?

“Good. They’re both good. Well…Emily has trouble breathing but she could come home in a week.”

Emily.

“Mom, will you ask Samantha to get a bag together for me and to get Dad to drop her off at the hospital before school?”

What about you? Are you going to school?

“No.” He made up his mind on the way over to Scully’s house after Melissa called him.

Okay. I’ll give them a ring and let them know. What do you want Samantha to pack?

“My camera, some clean clothes- tell her to grab whatever- and on my bed there should be a yellow duck, tell her to get that, too.”

Okay. We’ll probably visit later. I want to see my granddaughter.

Mulder smiles at that. “Sure. I’ll talk to you later. Tell Sam I’ll meet her outside by the entrance.”

They say their goodbyes and Mulder hangs up. With a deep breath, he heads back towards Emily’s room.

When he enters the nurse is gone and Mrs Scully sits in his seat.

“Hi, Mrs Scully.”

“Hello, Fox.”

Mulder stands on the other side of the incubator, resuming his vigil over his daughter.

“How’s Dana?” he asks.

“She’s good. She’s sleeping currently.” Mrs Scully smiles to herself. “It took a lot of convincing but she finally fell asleep.”

Mulder frowns. “Why didn’t she want to sleep?”

“I guess she was scared of missing something. She kept hounding the nurses about updates on Emily.”

Mulder smiles. Yep, that sounded like Scully. She was probably driving herself mad with worry.

“You should go see her,” Mrs Scully tells him. “There’s nothing you can do for Emily right now.”

His smile fades and he looks solemnly down at Emily. “I know,” he says. “I don’t want her to be alone.”

It occurs to him then that he’s been repeatedly what Scully told him after Emily was born. I don’t want her to be alone. It’s become a mantra he’s repeated to every one he’s spoken to.

“She won’t be. I’m here. Go.”

He does as he’s told, saying goodbye to Emily and that he’ll be back to see her soon, and leaves.

.:.:.:.:.:.

Scully’s been moved, something that Mrs Scully failed to mention but Mulder doesn’t hold that against her. He asks the reception desk and they tell him she’s in room 501.

He finds the room easily enough. It’s secluded, it’s own private room. A lamp is on in the corner, casting the room in a dim orange glow. Scully sleeps, wrapped up in the comforter. Mulder edges towards the bed, taking the chair and pulling it closer to Scully.

He regards her, watching a strand of hair blow away from her face with each outbreath.

He reaches over, gently pushing it away, yet not gently enough. The action has woken her. She shifts, eyes blinking open, still tired. Mulder feels guilty for waking her.

Their eyes meet and she’s surprised to see him there.

“Mulder. Why aren’t you with Emily?”

He chuckles despite himself. “Your mom’s with her. She told me to go to you.”

She relaxes why she realises that Emily is okay. Already her instincts are strong.

“How is she? Emily.”

“She doing good,” Mulder tells her honestly. “She has some breathing problems so they have her on a ventilator but she should be okay to go home within a week.”

He sees the relief spread through her.

“I want to see her.”

“I know.” He reaches beneath the covers, blindly finding her hand and grasping hold of it, needing to have some part of him touching her.

“Do you know when you can?” he asks.

“Tomorrow, maybe the next day.”

Mulder nods. “How are you?”

“Sore,” Scully says with a grimace. “Everywhere.”

He nods again. “Listen, I can’t stay long-“

She immediately looks worried. “Where are you going?”

“Just outside. Sam is bringing me a bag.”

“You’ll be back?” she asks.

“Yeah,” he says smiling. “I’ll be back.”

He kisses the top of her head and lets go of her hand, heading towards the door before she’s stopping him.

“Mulder.”

He turns, hand on the handle.

“I love you.”

He feels like jelly, letting the words run through him, his brain processing them. A giddiness washes over him.

With a goofy, happy smile he says back, “I love you, too, Scully.”

He leaves, shutting the door behind him,  the happiest he’s ever felt.

.:.:.:.:.:.

She floats in and out of sleep. Time doesn’t exist anymore, it stopped existing the moment her first contraction came. It feels so long ago.

She gave birth to a baby she has yet to see, yet to hold. Everyone will get to touch her, look at her before she- the baby’s mother- does. Somehow that doesn’t seem fair.

She’s been felt alone in this room for the most part. A nurse came in to take her milk some time ago and didn’t return. Another came in to check on her but that was that.

She’s exhausted but she wouldn’t fall asleep. She needed to know how Emily was. She wouldn’t rest until she got her answers.

Eventually it took her Mom telling her that she would sit with Emily, foregoing her own sleep, if it meant Dana would sleep.

And Mulder. It felt so good to see him after what felt so long. She worried she’d been a bit harsh with him in the delivery room but she needed him to go with Emily, she needed eyes on the inside, someone she trusted who she knew would tell her the truth.

Her baby was going to be okay, she could cry with relief.  One week and they should be out of here. Scully hoped she never had to be in a hospital again.

The door opens and Mulder walks in again. She smiles at him, remembering what she told him, what he told her back.

They love each other. They had the proof of that love lying a floor below them.

“Hi,” she says as he approaches.

“Hi,” he says back, sitting in that chair and reaching for her hand, something he’s become accustomed to over the night.

She wishes he would lie next to her. What she would do to curl into his embrace, breath him in and let him hold her.

But rules are rules.

“I’ve got something to show you.”

In his hand he holds a polaroid and her breath catches in her throat when she realises who it’s a polaroid of.

“Emily,” she says when she sees it. Her baby girl attached to wires and a ventilator.

Mulder slouches over, leaning against her and her fingers mindlessly come up to play with his hair as she looks at the photo.

She begins crying.

“I tried to get her to wave to you but I don’t think she understands instructions yet.”

Scully laughs through her tears. The photo was a nice gesture but it’s just strengthened her want to see her daughter in person. Tomorrow was too far away.

“I got something else to,” he moves off her and Scully wipes away her tears. He pulls out the duck he bought, holding it out towards her.

“They won’t let me put it in there with her in case she hurts herself with it,” Scully takes it from his hands, looking at it. She’s seen it before, remembers the conversation on the phone when Mulder first told her about it, remembers him saying it squeaks. Her thumbs find the ball in the chest area and squeezes the toy. Sure enough it squeaks. More tears fall as she laughs, a lump caught in her throat.

“Hey,” Mulder says gently, his thumb coming up to wipe away her tears. “Emily’s gonna be alright. She’s strong like you.”

Scully sniffs, believing his words. She will be fine.

“Mulder, will you hold me?” she asks.

“In the…?”

She nods. “They don’t come in,” she tells him, referring to the nurses.

He pushes the chair away, slips off his shoes and climbs into the bed with her. As soon as he’s settled, she rests her head against his chest and his finger comb through her hair. She holds and photo of Emily and the duck in her hands, her gaze set on them both.

Her family, she thinks. She remembers how scared she was, in the bathroom in school, holding the evidence of her mistake her in hand, Ellen waiting on the other side, wondering what was taking her so long.

It was never mistake. She was married, she had a baby, she was happy and secure, more than she had ever been in her life.

She falls asleep soon enough against Mulder’s chest, Emily’s duck under her chin, the photo of Emily slack in her hand.

She wouldn’t change any of it.

.:.:.:.:.:.

After two days, she finally gets to meet her daughter.

The ventilator has been removed- most of the time. Emily still needs it every now and then but for the most part she’s breathing on her own which is good news.

Scully hasn’t felt the room in hours. She touches every part of her daughter that she was reach. Mulder tells her about her strong reflex, and Scully tests it out herself. Her happiness when Emily’s fingers wrapped around her own was beyond words.

She was so happy. So happy with her little family.

People come and go. Even her dad cracks a smile when he first sees Emily.

And Emily gets to know a lot of faces. Both her grandparents, both her aunts. She only meets Charlie, Bill still not having come around to the idea of his baby sister having a baby but Scully isn’t worried about that.

Mulder tells her stories, mainly is D&D story and says that he’s going to teach Emily how to play as soon as.

Mulder disappears on the fourth day. He’s gone for a while. She misses him when he’s gone, having got used to him being around so much. She knows Emily misses him too, her blue eyes searching the room for him. She cries a lot more when he’s not there, too, something Scully tries not to be jealous of.

He’s back, however, just after visiting hours end, walking into the room. Emily’s asleep, having finally settled down after being fed.

“Where did you go?” Scully asks quietly as Mulder sits down next to her.

He doesn’t answer, instead asking, “Give me your left hand.”

Frowning, curious, she holds her hand out towards him.

He grasps it, holding her ring finger in his fingers. Scully gasps when she sees it. The diamond gleams up at her.

“Mulder…how?” she asks, completely surprised.

“I estimated you and Sam had the same sized hands. I dragged her to the store and made her try on the rings. She protested, I owe her a load of snacks, but…” He looks at hesitantly. “Do you like it?”

She can’t take her eyes off of it. “Mulder I love it. But how did you get the money?”

“Well…” he looks away, cautiously. “We may be in a lot of debt.” He smiles and shrugs as if it’s no big deal.

“Mulder!” she says a little too loudly and Emily stirs before falling back asleep again.

Her attention briefly diverted to her baby, she turns back to Mulder who has a full blown grin across his face.

“I’m joking…kinda. My parents gave me the money. I’ve been saying for a while that I wanted to give you a proper ring.”

“Mulder, we don’t need rings.”

“I know, but…” He entwines his fingers in hers, bringing them towards him. “I want everyone to know that you’re mine.”

He brings their hands up towards his lips, kissing it and looking straight at her.

Happiness comes to sixteen-year-olds girls who don’t make mistakes.

Wedding bands are boring, Scully deserves diamonds.

#txf #highschool au #a baby is forever part 5 #teen pregnancy fic #i write

[heistmaster69]

pariet lilium

pariet lilium

pariet lilium~by @heistmaster69​

4th Year Draco Malfoy x OC fic. 

~so uhh um I was maybe watching a video about dark academia while writing this and may have gotten a BIT carried away~

gif by @fairylightwishes​ all credit to them!

~

Frankie and Cher sat in the back of Potions class while Snape droned on about the effects of crushed versus shaved Bicorn Horn on the end result of a Pepperup potion.

“-now you see that’s exactly what I was talking about. Muggle movie stars are much more attractive than boys at Hogwarts-”

“Leonar-” 

“-Dicaprio, yes.” She whispered.

“Frankie that man is gorgeous-”

‘So fine-”

Cher let out a sigh, while Frankie continued. “All the boys from Dead Poets Society-”

“So it’s decided then-”

“Yes. I’m saving my virginity until I’m of age and Leonardo Dicaprio can come and take it fro-”

“Miss. Reed.” Snape deadpanned. “If you and your friends would be so kind as to stop squealing about muggle boys in my class-I would appreciate it. That will be five points from Slytherin.” 

Cher kicked Frankie under the table. 

“My bad, professor.” She murmured, putting her palm under her chin and turning back to her notes. 

Potions had to be her third favorite class, Frankie didn’t mind it at all, it’s just, she was a little distracted, recently. It seemed like her single-ness was beginning to get to her and she found herself daydreaming during class. She didn’t want to be as obsessed as she was, but Frankie couldn’t really help it. She wanted the movie-scene first kiss and the romance novel passion, as unattainable as it is, she craved it. 

But the thing is-Frankie never let herself daydream about people she knew. In reality, none of the people she’s liked would ever like her back, and it just hurt her because she knew that no one would ever have feelings for Frankie as she did for them. Every time she let her walls down she got hurt. 

A lot of the people Frankie has met have made sure she knows that she will never be as valuable, never as loved, as beautiful, as successful as others because she wasn’t as thin as others. Frankie loved herself. But her ‘friends’, her family? It seemed like they hated her for it...

~ 

Magic had always interested Frankie. Being a witch or wizard usually goes over the heads of purebloods, with the mere prospect of having the gift coming so naturally to all of them. Frankie’s isolated upbringing, rarely seeing her parents and being brought up by a strange yet kind tutor who instructed her in all sorts of topics, ranging from basic arithmetic to discovering Frankie’s magical abilities. Ms. Selwyn, around Frankie’s parents, and Kendra, during her tutoring sessions daily during childhood. 

These memories with Kendra have a warm haze to them, and whenever Frankie reminisced, a smile would find its way onto her face. We would stand together in the garden, during the golden sunsets, and she would say;

“Magic is an incredible gift, it is beautiful and infinitely important. We hold the power of the universe in our hands.” 

Young Frankie would stare wide-eyed, confused, and tug on the side of Kendra’s robe,

“Ms. Kendra, what’s the universe?” Frankie would ask.

“The universe is everything.”

“Everything? How much is that?” 

Kendra would smile so gently and kneel down beside Frankie, grasping her small hands and gesturing towards the sky alive with color.

“More than we could ever know.”

Kendra knew the power purebloods held with the Ministry, after all, the Selwyns and the Reeds were a part of the Sacred Twenty-Eight. The Ministry was still hypnotized by the status and the blood purity that these upper-class families held and overlooked the small laws broken by the elite, so Kendra and Frankie would practice small magic in their free time-in secret. The Reeds would never want their precious-little-delicate-perfect-pureblood baby daughter learning anything but the proper protocol for stuffy dinners with the Prewetts, the Malfoys, the Greengrasses, the Bulstrodes, the Parkinsons, the Notts, the Flints, or any other sort of perfect families that they could put in their larger-than-life estate. 

Nevertheless, Kendra would take Frankie into the garden behind the mansion, near the rippling brook by a big oak tree. They would sit in the shade of the branches and Frankie would learn about everything her family didn’t want her to know. She learned about the inequality between purebloods, half-bloods, and muggleborns and as Kendra told her of the First Wizarding War, Frankie felt her heart shatter into a thousand pieces. How could someone think they were any better than another human being due to their blood? Their lineage? How they treat those supposedly ‘less than’? This realization caused a rift to form between Frankie and her parents-the entirety of what being Sacred 28 pureblooded perfection was. 

She despised it.

Kendra warned her though, she spoke softly the words that shoved Frankie into a vault, locked her away, and threw away the key.

“I don’t know if this will ever change.”

Little Frankie blinked quickly, her wide eyes sore and puffy from tears. “Why?” She cried. 

“They will never relinquish the privilege that this supremacy gives them.” Kendra let out a deep sigh and placed a tender hand on Frankie’s shoulder. 

“I think you’re wrong, Miss Kendra.”

“I hope I am, Miss Frankie. I think you could make a difference.”

This upbringing of acceptance and wonder from Kendra instilled a unique view of magic in Frankie. She saw it as a privilege and took an interest in a side of magic that tended to be overlooked until necessary. Frankie liked to create spells and potions. Specifically, she had a fixation on wandless magic. It was crazy to her-she could create life from her hands. How so many of her friends and peers overlooked this, she understood but wished more people wouldn’t call people like her Loony Lovegood. 

Anyways.

Frankie hid a tattered mahogany-colored, pleather-bound journal in her pillowcase. This journal rarely let the safety of her room, only transferring annually between her estate and Hogwarts. It was never shown to a soul, and it contained her life’s work in what could barely be considered spell-creation. Notes and random scribbles littered the pages, but if it were ever to be lost, Frankie would lose everything she’s done since she was six years, four months, and thirteen days old and Kendra told her about spell-creation. She thinks she would cry.

~

“Oi Francesca-” A voice called.

“-you’re not allowed to call me that, Blaise.” Frankie chuckled as he jogged up to her, stopping to lean against the wall with a smirk.

“I don’t care, you’re Francesca to me. Anyway, Potions, what happened in poti-” Blaise looked over his shoulder and shouted to Theo. “Oi Theodore, get your arse over here!” Blaise had a thing for using people’s full name-even if it’s not really their name, (ie Daphnessa/Pansleigh.) Frankie rolled her eyes as Theo strolled, shoulders taut, up to Blaise

“Frankie, what happened in Potions? You love potions, you’re always talking about how Potions is a really cool way to learn about how magic affects the world-”

“-Potions is a super cool way to learn about how magic affects the world-” Blaise interjected, wrapping an arm around Theo’s broad shoulders.

 Theo turns to Blaise with a sarcastic stare at him. “Yeah, that.”

I want to have a stupid dumb kiss already. Which is stupid dumb and I don’t even care but I’m horny for love.

“Oh, yeah I-I didn’t sleep well last night.” Frankie choked out.

“It was kind of a relief, your constant enthusiasm about Snape’s class is alarming.” Theo snickered. Blaise snorted as he and Theo sauntered towards the Great Hall. Frankie let out a breath and followed soon after the two boys let for lunch to get to the common room.

~

Frankie’s boots tapped gently against the cold stone floor of the dungeons. Dust hung low in the air, illuminated by the amber glow of hanging torches that littered the walls. The dungeons are always shown as a dingy, disgusting place but Frankie found the common room comforting. She stilled in front of the entrance and spoke softly the password. 

“Labebantur anguis.” 

The wall dragged inwards with a low scraping sound, revealing her home. The estate is not a home, the estate is merely her stage, acting as the perfect daughter for an audience of haughty purebloods. This common room was perfect, smelling like pine and cotton and the perfect temperature. Green rugs and plush couches in front of a fireplace, tables and booths next to an espresso machine and a tea kettle. Arching windows and pillars showcasing the beauty under the Black Lake. This is home.

She stepped past the commons and walked up the winding stairs to the shared dormitories. Cher laid on Frankie’s bed with Daphne with parchment and quills set out on the emerald silk sheets.

“If you two spill ink on my bed one more time I’ll hex you in your sleep.” Frankie shrugged out of her robe and fell back onto Cher’s bed. The two girls giggled and returned to their subsequent conversations.

Cher was gorgeous. She radiated kindness and had an aura about her that made her seem impenetrable, yet she was humble. She had a crooked smile that never failed to bring one to Frankie’s face. Her eyes shone with emotion and were a deep brown that glimmered at all times. She was incredibly brilliant and the top of many of her classes. With the exception of Potions, Frankie held that spot proudly. 

Everyone says that perfect Hermione Granger, the “brightest witch of her age”, is the top of every class, but ever since she had to use her time to deal with the two rambunctious children that are her friends, she holds strong at about fourth. Frankie had to admit, she had a burning jealousy of Granger. She managed to befriend Potter in her first year, as well as make friends with many of the teachers, ace her classes, and save the entire school three times by now. Not to mention, she was also very pretty. This envy flared its deep green color whenever Frankie so much as heard the name Granger. 

“Earth to Reed?” Frankie snapped out of her covetous haze and met Daphne’s eyes. “Pansy’s bringing up lunch, get started on your essay, like, now.” 

Frankie tipped her head in agreement and reached into her bag to pick out her Astronomy notes. “Five sheets of parchment? Is Professor Sinistra trying to kill us?” 

“I think I might just use one sheet for every word: Sorry, I, Don’t, Want, To.” Cher counted on her fingers with a snort.

Daphne tugged at her bottom lip with her pinkie. “Maybe Frankie can use one of the spells from her secret journal to erase this essay from Sinistra’s mind.”

“That spell already exists, you toad.” Pansy swung the door open with several food items floating behind her, a slice of pumpkin bread levitating into Frankie’s waiting hands. “It’s called Obliviate, it has murderous side effects, and, next week it’s Reed’s turn to get the food.”

“Thank you Pans,” Cher cheered, mouth full of a danish pastry.

“Plus, the boys were bugging us to sit with them more often.” Pansy sat beside Frankie, parchment in hand. Daphne rolled her eyes.

“It’s one day a week, they’ll get over it eventually.”

“The students at Uagadou are so lucky. They have a good Astronomy program and they live in a cloud.” 

Cher scoffed. “They don’t live in a cloud, Pans, They live in a castle-that’s on a cloud. It’s very particular.”

“I want to live in a castle.”

“You idiot, you do.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you bloody mean?”

“Nothi-whatever-what are we doing for Hogsmeade tomorrow?”

~

Draco. Bloody. Malfoy. 

He walks around the school all high and mighty, like he owns the place, yet he acts like a right prat to many of its inhabitants. It’s like the boy was born with a stick up his arse. Yet, Frankie knew how he was raised, not that it’s an excuse. He doesn’t want to be the way he is, but he’s not some broken boy for her to fix. 

She’s had many conversations in the common room with Malfoy after nights of nightmares. She’s shared hugs that linger a second too long and strange glances during lectures. His stone grey eyes held an emotion behind them that she couldn’t understand. It made her uncomfortable, the strange buzz on her skin where his hand met. The fluttery feeling in the pit of her stomach when they got too close. She didn’t like it. It made her feel like a creep.

She sees the way he looks at Cher. Frankie doesn’t compare to a golden, legs-for-days goddess with a waist the same circumference as Frankie’s thigh. Besides, a Malfoy should be with someone the same physical caliber as him. Frankie’s mother prayed to the ghost of Merlin that Frankie would blossom into a beautiful flower, but as her mother continuously reminded her, 

“You are a disgrace. Nothing but a weed in a garden of perfection.”

It’s not hard to believe. Many pureblood parents held a disdain for their children in private. Frankie was lucky to have someone like Kendra. Other teenagers didn’t have anyone. Frankie was lucky, not special. A mere weed, removable by a weak pull. A thorn on an otherwise perfect rose, fit to be plucked, ignored by onlookers.

Draco Malfoy was never written in the stars for someone like Frankie. 

Not that she liked him or anything. He was, as stated before, a right prat. A good looking one, but a prat nonetheless. They didn’t talk much, at all, instead seeking solace in the late hours of the night, a deep bond hidden from their friends. How could two people who were supposedly so perfect, be so broken?

~

pariet lilium.

chapter two

#draco x reader #draco malfoy #draco fanfiction #draco x y/n #draco x hermione #draco #harry potter #hogwarts #fanfiction #draco x oc #malfoy #flower #latin #multi chapter fic #fic #fanfic #drarry #dramione #pansmione #daphne greengrass #pansy parkinson #blaise zabini #theo #theo nott #theodore nott #marcus flint #harry #hermione granger #hermione #pariet lilium