#anyway. this post isn't really intended to be a vent post | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

infiniteko · 7 months

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Hello Ko! I'm so glad you joined Tumblr, I think out of everyone I know and follow, you are the most trustworthy person to get information from. You truly know what you're talking about and you're very very helpful to us with questions. ❤️ I'm gonna try to make this as short as possible because I don't want to make you read a long, rant-ish question. Basically, I really really need some guidance/advice. Like I need some serioussss help..

For about 6 years, I've been "trying" to manifest, reality shift etc. I was focused on desires and getting. I was focused on doing methods to get things and "trying" things. would look all the time for information and "how to's" because I just wanted to shift realities so badly so I could experience all of the crazy things I would imagine. Nothing ever worked for me, not once in those 6 years. I eventually started to panic and think I was wasting years of my life on stuff that wasn't real (yet I'd still hope and try anyway) however I found non-dualism. Like I said, I was VERY focused on desires and getting, so as much as I told myself that I understand non-dualism, deep down I was still attached to ego and understood nothing. I viewed nondualism as a method. I still wanted desires deep down, even if I tried to say "No I want to be free!". I've now come to accept that if I truly want to be free, I need to genuinely STOP seeking desires and things of the ego. I need to accept that if I'm gonna be stuck on desiring, then ND isn't for me. So with that said, I told myself I'd follow non dualism properly and I wouldn't use it as a manifestation or shifting method.

This is the part where I ask for advice. When you're someone who has been stuck up on wanting to shift realities and get things so badly, for SO long, it's hard to let it all go suddenly. I don't know how to drop these thoughts that I get. I feel delusional and depressed because I hate this "life". I remind myself that it isn't real but then I feel insane and I tell myself I need to accept reality and stop hoping for miracles. I no longer wish to fulfill desires or use methods, I want to be free from feeling like this, I want to genuinely not live as if I'm ego anymore but it feels like my thoughts never stop. In the back of my mind, I always think "but I just wanna shift" "I'm delusional" "I am this body/mind"

Ko, I need any kind of guidance. Is there some materials I should read? I'll honestly read whatever books necessary. I don't know what to do 😅 I want to have the same understanding you do. I go to sleep every night thinking "maybe I can wake up in a new reality" and it completely defeats the purpose of me having no duality. I'm always hoping and trying, even when I don't want to "hope" or "try". I get so confused so easily and I think about going back to manifestation, but it never worked and I got depressed because of it. I want to free myself from these ego emotions, free from thinking I need this or that, free from having duality. I want to TRULY understand nondualism and live that way. Forgive me if this is long! I didn't intend to trauma dump or vent in your ask box, like I said before you're just one of the people I trust most. You're very knowledgeable on nondualism and I appreciate your posts very very much 🤍

First step, understand that Non dualism is ONLY(!!!!!!!!!!) a POINTER to what 'you' are. Being fixiated on 'trying to understand ND' is a trap you shouldn't fall into. I used it as a pointer(!) i do not "practise" any concepts.

I cannot stress enough how it is ONLY A POINTER, NOT THE "SOLUTION" NOR "ABSOLUTE TRUTH". "THAT" which you fundamentally are, IS Absolute.

Who has been "trying" all this time? -> The 'person' you THINK you are.

Who "wants" to understand? -> The 'person' you THINK you are

Use it as a pointer and then drop it.

I'm so serious, NEVER see it as the solution, it is a trap to do so. It will help as a start but go BEYOND that. It is nothing but another concept TO HELP.

A lot of you speak about the "ego" like it is some separate entity causing confusion and suffering but it is not. It is ONLY(!!!!!) who you THINK(!!!!) you are. If you stopped thinking about it, could you tell me who you seemingly are?

There are no books needed to """understand""" the basics of this concept, even if you read it, to drop it and be beyond such illusory concepts, is something that is done with or without books.

What you are can NEVER be defined. "THAT" has no name, no label, no characteristics. Nothingness. Yet it seems(!!!!!!) to contain "everything".. but "everything" = "nothingness".

By repeatedly returning to "Nothingness", it becomes clear that you never actually left that "Nothingness" and that it is everywhere.

Drop every label and concept. Everything you SEEM to know. What are you left with?

-> " "

If 'you' want to, you can listen to "YourHigherSelf" on YouTube or the shorter videos of Swami Sarvapriyananda on YouTube.

But again, seeking continously for the Absolute, is a funny game and an even funnier trap. Have enough discipline to not do that and simply BE.

#advaita vedanta #awareness #nondualism #atman #brahman #nonduality #desired reality #reality shifting #consciousness

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fangswbenefits · 5 months

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The anons you've been getting... man does that illustrate why I barely post my own stuff anymore. I haven't updated my fic in over a year now because of it. That sense that they're entitled to our stuff because writing isn't as much work as drawing or painting, or the people that think what they want to happen in the fic is the only thing that matters.

What really gets me is also the idea that writing in an established universe lessens it somehow. One book I greatly enjoy is technically fanfiction - Phantom by Susan Kay, written in the Phantom of the Opera universe. Never seen anyone complain about it being a published work that you buy.

It's like they all forgot that literature is art, too, and that not everything is made for them. We're incredibly fortunate that people are so willing to share their work with us. But still we get people like that who just tear us down anyway.

I do both fanart and fanfiction and I'm so fucking tired of writing being somehow considered lesser. I write for a small fandom with little engagement but I was so excited to share my stuff, until I had someone like this say that it wasn't good enough.

Writers are artists too. No one is owed free work. And I'm so tired of the expectations around fanfiction. I want to write and share it, but it's left me with no motivation to.

I'm sorry, this is a bit more venting than I intended. The end point is that you aren't crossing any lines; that anon is sitting on a horse so high they'd need a ladder to get off it.

This is everything..... thank you for phrasing my thoughts and feelings more eloquently than I ever could 🩷 bless you 🫂

#answered ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

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antianakin · 9 months

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So to start with, if you don't like this blog and the things I post on it, nobody's putting a gun to your head asking you to look at it. Feel free to block me, blacklist my username, block the anti and critical tags I try to use VERY frequently, etc. Nobody's asking you to look at the things I post and, quite honestly, the fact that you felt the need to leave me this message tells me that between the two of us, you're the one being unhealthy because you felt the need to tell someone innocently staying in their own lane that they're participating in fandom wrong rather than just... moving on and doing fandom in a way you enjoy more. If you want to see something else, go look at a different blog or make your own posts. Nobody's stopping you, least of all me.

But to actually answer the question you didn't ask, I made this blog because I wanted a place to make the kind of posts I wanted to see. Yes, it's a venting blog. That means sometimes I vent about the same thing more than once. Breaking news: people in fandom talk about the same hyperfixation more than once sometimes!

My best friend in the Star Wars fandom happens to be someone who really likes Anakin. So whenever I disliked something about Anakin, she was not the person I could go to in order to discuss it. Well, not always anyway. Not when I got particularly bitter about it. And at the time that I made this blog over a year ago, I didn't have anywhere else to go to vent those feelings, so I made one for myself. I made myself a tiny safe haven where I could simply write those feelings out that I never really saw anybody else making or discussing. This wasn't intended to be a popular blog. I expected it to get about two followers total maybe and a LOT of haters.

Instead, I've actually heard from a number of people that this blog let them feel seen. That the things I've written have felt really relatable to people who just can't connect to all of the Anakin love that tends to exist in the fandom. Because yes, Anakin's been the villain since the 1970s, but you must not have spent a lot of time in this fandom because that is NOT a thing that a lot of his fans tend to remember or even believe anymore. According to a good number of Anakin fans, the Jedi are the real villains and Anakin is just a tragic victim who didn't really do anything wrong. And even a lot of the people who DO recognize that Anakin is the villain of the story often still tend to like Anakin as this tragic character and will primarily post positive things about him. So for those of us who just... don't LIKE Anakin very much, there isn't as much content out there for us. You either accept all of the Anakin love along with the content for the other characters you like or you just... don't consume very much content within the fandom. Or you find a very specific niche to try to stay in that you like better, I guess. But Anakin's the main character of the main saga, he's hard to avoid entirely.

So this blog helps provide one little safe haven for others who just... don't like this character much.

And that's not even the entirety of this blog anyway. If you had scrolled through it much, you might've noticed the fic rec lists that have nothing to do with Anakin at all and are actually a lot more aimed at being Pro Jedi. Because this blog is just as much about loving the Jedi as it is about disliking Anakin. You might've also noticed the extensive AU concepts I've written a few times, one of the most recent of which actually ended up leading to Anakin surviving ROTJ and figuring out how to stop being a Sith and getting mentally healthy. And Anakin's not even the only character who's GOTTEN criticism on this blog, the pinned post on this blog lists a good 10 characters I've had to add to it because there IS going to be criticism for them here, too, from Satine and Bo-Katan Kryze, to Aleksander Kallus, to Crosshair and TBB as a show in general, to Padme Amidala herself. Not to mention some criticism of Ahsoka, as well, sometimes. I'm an all access kind of hater I guess, I like to have a varied diet of characters I complain about.

So yes, it's a blog named antianakin because the url wasn't taken, I thought it was funny, and it works as a WARNING for anybody who sees my posts or decides to come onto my blog. Obviously it doesn't keep EVERYBODY out who shouldn't be looking at them, look at yourself for a good example of that. But I like to think it's helpful. Yes, this is a venting blog where I allow myself to be negative and complain about characters I don't like in a space I have created for me to do that in. This does not mean that I am not EVER positive about Star Wars, it doesn't even mean that I'm never positive about Star Wars ON THIS BLOG. It just means that this is a place that I am allowed to be salty in, it is a place where I put my most bitter thoughts and feelings and throw them into the void that is Tumblr just to get them out of me.

This is MY safe space, MY little fandom haven. Nobody asked you to be here, so if it doesn't feel safe or even just entertaining for you, you're more than welcome to leave and go find somewhere else you like better or create your own little fandom space where you can create the kind of things YOU want to see. I can wholeheartedly recommend it.

#fandom wank

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my-tho-ghts · 1 year

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This starts off as like an argument about hobie's age, but kinds turns into a vent/complaining post at the end. It all has to do with punkflower and hobie, but it kinda gets away from the point lol

Okay, so about hobie's age: he is probably around miles' and gwen's age or it is just up to interpretation. He is not confirmed to be 19/20, in the video that keeps being spread, if you watch the full video to get the context of what the director was saying, he is talling about the early concept/comic book version of hobie. Like, just straight up not the movie version. Which doesn't mean anything because a whole lot has changed between the comics and the movie, like, other spider people have been aged down for the movie. Anyways, people bring up two other things as well: hobie saying he goes to the pub and has a flat. One, if he is 18, then I think he can go to a pub in Britain. But also he is an anarchist who hates the police, so he'd probably sneak into a pub and drink if he was like 16 or 17. Two, for the flat, we could assume he is like his comic book version and is a squatter, which means he doesn't own the place himself. I mean, I just also don't think hobie would like landlords anyway, and would rather be homeless than pay them (because he does, in the comics at least). Also, from various different sources including the other directors and possibly the art book, his age is up to interpretation/unconfirmed, and is around gwen and miles' age. I'm waiting to get the art book to confirm the last fact, but anyways. The point is, thinking of hobie as a teenager/close in age to milee's and gwen isn't a bad thing/doesn't someone a proshipper. If people are interpreting his age as being close to miles' age and then shipping them, then that's not a proship! Barely anyone ships them and thinks hobie is an adult (and those who do are the proshippers), and proshipping means they're okay with all ships - even the problematic ones. But if you think hobie isn't an adult, then it isn't problematic. Idk how else to say it.

Also, I've seen a lot of videos on tiktok (where i spend most my time because I love edits lol, and where I really want to post this but am a bit too anxious to do so. Maybe when I get the artbook) where the posters are showing off the video I talked about with the director, or reference it, and are just so happy to be right and hate on punkflower. Like, they were actively rooting for a reason to hate and "cancel" punkflower shippers. And jesus, it really does seem a bit homophobic. And by a bit I mean a lot. (I also noticed that people are not as upset with the chaipunk ship over there? Which idk why, pavitr is also like 15/16).

Also it pissed me off at first to see videos of people using the punkflower hashtag, and then saying it's a duo name, but now it's just kinda funny. Like they'll put the most romantic song in the background with miles and hobie's, and the caption will be "not a ship! They're bffs!" Like, c'mon man. Actually, I think you can change the caption on videos, so maybe it was intended to be a ship but they got a lot of hate (which is also a huge problem) and so they put that caption.

Speaking of hate, I've seen one creator on Twitter who talked about how much hate they got over the ship, I think even before that video came out where hobie's age was "confirmed". Like, for such an unproblematic ship, people were so upset. And just, all the people taking that cropped video at face value and not even watching the full thing to properly understand the content is a bit telling. I mean, I didn't lol, but I didn't exactly believe the video immedietly anyways.

Wow yeah this became was more of me just talking about stuff at the end, but whatever I've just been needing to say it.

#across the spiderverse #spiderman atsv #atsv #hobie brown #into the spiderverse #spider man #spiderman #spider punk #miles morales #flowerpunk #punkflower #miles x hobie #hobie x miles

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system-of-a-feather · 9 months

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DISCLAIMER SECTION

I'm gonna ramble about race / cultural experiences and trauma (probably) and this time it really isn't a line of thought ignited by syscourse or anything - but I'll tag it's tw anyways cause I'd rather people be able to filter it out than get it out there, but anyways

(for the note this was actually spurred on from a number of conversations I was having with a few parts today at work, one of which being that post about "diagnosed early vs diagnosed late" trauma; none of these points necessarily reply to that but for transparency and context)

For all of this, if any points or topics relate or resonate with you, feel free to comment, reblog, discuss, whatever on this post. Theres a lot of trauma talk on this and some level of details (CW will be provided before each section along with CW: clears), but none of this is really intended as a vent or trauma dump as much as... ya know, just talking about it as it is.

--------

As we've gotten further and further along with our healing, we've come to be a lot more open and comfortable talking about topics specifically relating to our trauma - at least in a C-PTSD / paranoid about giving out things that can be used to hurt us sense - and that is honestly really great and I'm really happy and proud for that

The thing is though, even though we've mostly declawed how easily our main triggers can be poked at and thus enabled us to feel more confident and ok talking about it, we honestly still are hesitant to do so for two main reasons.

One, being a simple lack of motivation to do so as it doesn't really come up and we don't really think about it more than we have to and often when we have to its usually not a place of mind we have the spoons to talk about it - ya know, normal healthy things.

The second though is because we've really come to learn that a lot of people in online trauma and dissociative communities really don't understand a lot of the largest and foundational themes of the trauma we went through and in my experience in the community, more often than not the response I've gotten from sharing that sort of things have always been more uncomfortable at best than helpful or positive.

And I think there are like... maybe three main things about our childhood core trauma that just make it hard to talk about with the tone of the community + the general heavily white area. This isn't meant to be like "oh you are bad if you fall into this" or anything, I don't have any ill intent or "call out" to really anyone even those who might heavily contribute to this cause its not that much talked on afaik. Mostly talking about this in a sort of, I guess commentary? I dunno, food for thought I guess.

But the first area...

as you might expect from this post and some previous ones, is that due to the fact that the community is heavily white-person run and driven and filled with many white peers, a lot of the talk and understanding of "trauma" and what kind of "chronic childhood trauma" typically looks like to form DID is informed by a white and western standard of trauma. And that isn't to say it is WRONG or BAD, but it makes it so that there is an inherent understanding that anything that differs from that is typically "better" rather than looking at the differences in a large scale cultural-context lens. And this sort of stuff has on MULTIPLE occasions had people respond to me venting or sighing about trauma-related stuff and stating that they wish they had that growing up - which I absolutely understand but it is OBVIOUSLY intensely insensitive and lacking in insight. I don't think any of those people who made those comments MEANT bad, but the nature of the discussion of trauma in these spaces being so heavily white centric and run has made it so that people forget to take culture into account and over simplify trauma into this "A is bad and B is - even when bad as well - inherently better". There is probably a level of classism / assumptions based on class as well somewhere in there, but thats a line of thought I hadn't thought much on past just a "yeah that probably plays a role".

(CW: RAMCOA related topics, CSA, etc)

The second...

is that our relationship with our sister falls awkwardly into the "not programming" in the sense of it's scale and intensity, but it would also be incredibly understated to just call it "conditioning" either and this might just be a "my feelings" on the matter than an actual reflection of the community, but I do often feel as though the nature of it not being either would result in it either being minimized OR people assuming I am trying to claim that I have the same thing as those that experienced programming and its just a really awkward place to be in. There is a lot of black and white talk regarding psychological abuse perpetuated by a person in power who has knowledge of DID and toyed with you as an experiment and project by intentionally learning to manipulate the parts. It wasn't at all the same level of proper RAMCOA, but it also was not just "conditioned learning" as our dissociation was actively targeted as a mechanism to create an unquestioning pet - that of which ended off getting pettled off to the a pedophile.

The complexity and nuances of the trauma and relationship we had with our sister like that combined with the very black and white language regarding trauma talk of that kind has made it just really awkward to try to explain to people because its really not either but as far as I know there isn't a term for whatever it was either. While chatting with a part (forgot which honestly whoops) we were thinking of officially just making our own term of like "trained" but idk, we aren't the coining type of folk so *shrugs*

(CW: CLEARED)

The third area...

Is just how messy and black and white the talk around autism. To those that haven't followed this blog from the earliest of early days, it might seem as though we were recently diagnosed with autism (technically true) and thats it and all, but autism has been a HUGELY prevalent part of our childhood and trauma history and honestly none of it really fits into the common narratives in PTSD / CDD spaces.

Firstly, we were neither really "early diagnosed" OR "late diagnosed" as our parents and my oldest sister (who was early diagnosed) noticed it EARLY on and immediately shaped my entire life around my "Aspergers" diagnosis that I was told I had when I actually never saw a professional for. Regardless, to my knowledge, I was diagnosed with aspergers from age 4 until they changed it to ASD and I asked my mom about it again at 15 or 16 when I started seeing a therapist and found out she never actually had me formally diagnosed. I then became "undiagnosable" due to the disorders that they COULD confirm, plus the weird relationship with my sister, and that I was raised in a "heavily autistic environment" where it was very plausible that I simply learned autistic behaviors as - at the time, thank you DID - I was too high functioning / masking and didn't appear to have significant impairment in any other areas other than being "a bit weird" in terms of how I view society and behavior again, both of which could be accounted for by environment + C-PTSD. It wasn't until well after I cleared stabilization for DID and undid a lot of the intense training our sister put us through, did our masking drastically decrease and it became apparent that yeah, we actually are largely impacted by ASD which ended up with us in the last few months being diagnosed. We were diagnosed early, undiagnosed, labeled "can not confirm nor deny if this is ASD", then diagnosed late, all simultaneously and so we don't really know where our word would fall in the general pecking order of "which group does your experiences fall into".

The OTHER thing is that our two primary abusers were autistic and their autism WAS inherently a part of the trauma that we went through and a lot of the talk of autism on the internet is so 'low supports needs' centric and sugar coated that it is very hard to feel comfortable commenting on how actually ugly and harmful autism can be to the individual AND those around them. This isn't to say its Autistic Abuse or any of that garbage, but my abusers autism is not a negligible or coincidental aspect of their abuse. It didn't make them an abuser, but it was still a large part of it.

(CW: Physical abuse and neglect)

My dad is confusing for 5000 reasons and anyone whose had DMs with me for over a year will know I sometimes share some of the REALLY confusing things about my dad (pretty sure he has DID as well but thats a conspiracy theory), but between his cultural trauma, coming from a """third world""" country, and having missed out on certain learning targets growing up due to the aforementioned first two - he has never been given the information, coping skills, treatment, or context to handle his symptoms in anything close to a healthy way. Its only now that hes (I think) in his 60s that my mom got a better understanding of everything that he's gotten any support, but with the sheer lack of assistance in his childhood, teenage years, and adulthood, its both a large task and honestly arguably not fair on him to try to get him to understand it beyond what is necessary to give him a life worth living.

But again, he had no ability and no tools to navigate his symptoms due to his complex and unfortunate situation and he absolutely did the best he could with what he had. Some parts in the system don't forgive him, but almost all of them understand and respect the intent at least. For example, we were poorly fed (and when we were it was usually garbage; think KFC 5/7 days a week for dinner) until we were 16 and able to drag the family into actually cooking because my dad would get into violent and aggressive meltdowns over ANY food smells, ANY mess, and ANY warmth. Cooking was basically forbidden until then because everyone was too afraid to risk it. Like there is a lot more to that, but its not something I'm given as clear access to and I aint gonna pry, but most of the most abusive behavior from him could very much be stemmed down to a sensory or communication issue regarding his untreated autism and a lack of ability to cope with it resulting in violent meltdowns.

(CW: CLEARED)

(CW: ABA)

Likewise, my sister who had been given ABA, from a young age taught me "how to survive in the world as an autistic person" and directly passed on HER version of ABA and HER understanding of autism onto me, which was just a garbage, intentional or not, way to excuse making me into her pet project rather than actually coping with her own trauma. (Plus 95% of the "information" she "taught" me was garbage including the infamous "having multiple consciousnesses in your head is a normal autism thing as long as there are less than 5" that I clown on every other day)

(CW: CLEARED)

I dunno really how to wrap this up, its like a conglomeration of thoughts we had today so its not really well organized but like... I guess AHEM *puts on my highschool english essay hat*

And so I conclude my essay on *checks notes* reasons I feel weird talking about trauma in online spaces? I think thats the point of this post? Idk I'm just rambling XD

#alter: riku #riku rambles #long post #trauma talk #syscourse tw #aba tw #physical abuse tw #neglect tw #ramcoa cw #cw ramcoa #psychological abuse tw #csa tw

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sophieinwonderland · 8 months

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Clarification on the "Essentially Fakeclaiming" Line

It's come to my attention that after a post I made referencing an unnamed user "essentially fakeclaiming" me, that user got an ask accusing them of fakeclaiming.

Now, the SN document does reference an unrelated incident with this same user being accused of fakeclaiming someone else, and says that wasn't intended to be fakeclaiming. So it's entirely possible that the timing of their ask was purely coincidental. (Note: I know nothing about that incident or those allegations.)

If not though, I'd first like to say... don't do this.

Don't send people hate anons on my behalf. Especially if I'm leaving their names out specifically to discourage this sort of behavior.

With that out of the way, the context for that was this callout post from over a year ago.

The highlighted portion is what I considered "essentially fakeclaiming."

It was not as overt as the fakeclaiming from the SN admin. But I do feel that accusing a system of disregarding when "actual systems" speak up is intended to imply that system is "not an actual system."

Perhaps it wasn't intended to be fakeclaimy, but this is how it came off.

Full disclosure: Subtle fakeclaiming like this isn't even that out-of-the-ordinary for me. It's not unique or surprising, and while I remembered it, it didn't affect me too much when being fakeclaimed is the norm.

I'm going to go off on a side tangent for the moment...

Honestly, the "abusive sources" line has always been the most infuriating thing to me. This was in reference to me posting a study conducted by an atheist psychological anthropologist into practices of the Vineyard church, which has hundreds of churches across the country.

There are SO many layers to this. From the fact that Vineyard churches are decentralized and aren't really a single organization, so accusations of abusive behavior towards one church wouldn't apply to all churches... to the hypocrisy of the same people who labeled the entire group of hundreds of churches to be abusive being the same ones to dismiss accusations of the SN being abusive because it was only a few members who spoke out, with zero self-awareness... to the simple fact that the Vineyard Church isn't the source of the paper, just as a lion isn't the source of a nature documentary.

(There's also something to be said about the "sources aren't about DID/OSDD" thing, when... yeah... my sources about endogenic plurality AREN'T usually about DID/OSDD and don't claim to be.)

Anyway, umm... that rant aside... me venting about old drama isn't permission to send hatemail to people. Please don't do that.

#syscourse #vent

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dunkelzahn · 1 year

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One of the things I think a lot of people don't really get about writing is that it doesn't necessarily have to be fiction.

Like, fiction writing. Good, excellent, create your worlds, tell your stories, may it be popular and lead to success. But it's so easy to crush your writing under the weight of your own expectations, isn't it? It's so dreadfully easy. You can write a first draft, or just an opening, and give up because you feel there's no way that it'll ever be good enough to show to anyone and that just taints your feelings about the work, your skills, and writing in general.

But what if you didn't seep all of that into your fiction? Just... write something. Doesn't have to be fiction. Like a diary entry. Your thoughts on the news. Conversations you want to have. Events in your life. A paragraph or so on that nice meal you had. Non-fiction stuff, things no one will read. Something with an audience of one person, totally personal and private.

Still, it's writing. I've written furious screeds about topics I don't think anyone else cares about, so I don't bore folks with posting them. I've written tutorials about subjects that've undoubtedly been covered, and in a more comprehensive way than I could manage. I've written love letters to someone that'll never read them. Sometimes what I write is just transcriptions from another source. (No one I know is interested in recipes from 14th century England.) I've written political rants aching with frustration. I've written reviews of canons and products. I've written apologies that will never cross the bridges I've already burned. Even, embarrassingly, a few bits of poetry. They were awful.

And, yes, I've written fiction, both original and fan fiction.

Sometimes it's experiments. Sometimes it's just to get my emotions straight. But writing about the real stuff, the stuff that isn't fiction, the stuff that doesn't have the expectation of readership.

Some of it's saved onto an external. A lot of it, I just delete once I've done it, after I let it sit for a day or four. Then I'll come back to reread it and feel satisfied that I've got it out of my system. So I clear out the text document and start on something new.

But the thing was, I wrote it. And it was freeing because, since I knew I'd be the only one to ever see it, I had no expectations and felt no pressure to make it good.

And, honestly, I feel like doing that frees up some of the pressure for when I do write something that's intended for others. It's like singing in the shower.

Anyway. This got overlong. The short of it is just this: When someone says 'just write something,' they don't necessarily mean to follow it with 'and show it to everyone.' I think a lot of people get caught up on that silent adder and it makes them shrivel up when they do keep writing and never manage to meet their own expectations.

So write, but write for yourself. If you happen to think it's good enough to share, do it. Otherwise, just treat it as private practice, a way to vent out those ideas and feelings until you either find the diamond you want to polish and show off or you decide that you're ready to show off the diamonds you've already got.

#writing #but don't take my word for it #this is just what works for me #everyone's different #but what's true?#non-fiction is still writing

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ode-to-spring · 1 year

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♡⋆.ೃ࿔* A QUIET MOMENT AWAY ~

being a respected figure comes with many perks, but equally as many consequences. sometimes, it isn't a bad thing to seek help from people you trust . . .

ੈ♡ barbara x reader (intended to be platonic, but interpret this however you'd like<3) ੈ♡ category :: sort of hurt/comfort? barbara isn't doing too well before the events of this, reader comes to comfort her for a bit ੈ♡ warnings :: barbara is vv tired, this sort of came out as a vent fic because of themes of being overwhelmed & overworked, not having time for yourself, and other things of the like ੈ♡ a/n :: omg emilia posting?? for the first time in forever ?!? i'm really sorry for the inactivity :( a lot of stuffs been happening but i'm hoping to become more active here soon!!

the sun is already near disappearing into the horizon when you meet barbara at your designated spot.

it’s nothing fancy, unlike what most would expect— it’s quite the opposite, if anything. you sat only atop a neatly placed picnic blanket by the roots of the great windrise tree, with a basket full of handmade goods set beside you, and casual clothing from the bottom of your wardrobe… just as barbara had requested.

“i’m terribly sorry for the delay! something came up at the cathedral earlier, and all the sisters were looking to me for what to do, so i left later than i’d expected today—” she started blurting out when you ran to greet her. she did seem to be fresh from a stressed frenzy, if you looked at her closely. the signature pigtails she always wore were a mess (one being already half untied), she hadn’t changed out of her deaconess uniform yet (likely because she ran out of the city after realizing she was late), but most of all the bags under her eyes vaguely reminded you of the dark side of a half moon (and they told you much about how the past few days have been treating her).

“hey, don’t worry about it. i haven’t been waiting for long.” you interrupted her string of apologies while brushing some hair out of her face. “besides, i know you’ve been busy with everything lately. i don’t mind”

what you said was true, of course. between church work and the new events in her idol career, the poor girl had barely been able to catch a break in a while. surprising, considering jean was usually the most well known for overworking herself to no end. maybe it ran in the family.

“are you sure? i’m sorry anyways, i really am.” she started, but upon seeing the reassuring look on your face, she knew it wasn’t needed anymore. “still… thank you for waiting for me. it's been a while since i've been outside the city and.. i was really looking forward to seeing you again like this. just like old times.”

it had been far too long since you'd been able to be with her like this, yes. every time you'd see her on the streets, instead of having a casual chat as both of you would hope, she'd be dragged away by some pressing matter. if anything, that was the very reason you’d organized this little meet up in the first place. away from the prying eyes of the city people, who all only saw her for who she wanted them to. whether it was as their reliable deaconess, their bubbly pop idol, or the kindhearted healer that gets visited a bit too often, you wanted to pull her out of that even only for a little while.

here, under the tree that heals spirits, it was only the two of you. as you talked well into the night until the stars twinkled happily above, it started feeling less and less like you were talking to the respected deaconess, and more like you were speaking to just barbara. and for you, that was more than enough.

#this was really nice to make #this originally came as an idea to subtly vent a bit #but at the same time get back into writing for this blog #the reason for my inactivity recently is definetely the amount of things happening in life rn #it gets overwhelming sometimes and i definitely projected onto barbara a lot here #even the mention of jean is a nod to me disrupting my familys usual routine of whos stressed and who has to take care of them HELP #im not used to having so many people expecting something from me #it's like having responsibilities i did sign up for #but not every day is a good day iykwim #i hope everyone that reads this is doing well :) this became a really nice self care thing for me so i want everyone to remember to #do things that make you happy too!!!#one bad day doesnt mean a bad life #<3 #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin imagines #genshin impact imagines #genshin fluff #genshin impact fluff #genshin scenarios #genshin x reader platonic #genshin impact x reader platonic #genshin impact scenarios #genshin barbara #genshin impact barbara #barbara x reader #genshin barbara x reader #barbara x you #genshin barbara x you fluff #barbara x reader angst

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phantomswolf · 1 year

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here, i answered the art questions

1. Art programs you have but don't use

aseprite, krita (nightmare to draw in), i used to have a totally 100% absolutely-not-pirated copy of photoshop but not anymore

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even)

depends on the day, but usually the left. i hate doing side profiles tho

3. What ideas come from when you were little

A LOT. but my story Nightfall has been a work in progress since I was 11

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw

GORO AKECHI PERSONA 5

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself

i hardly post most of my art on Tumblr atm, but that’s because almost all of it regards the Kirby Gemini AU and my partner and i are making a blog for that. so, as a percentage for the last few years, i’ve probably only posted maybe. less than 1% of my work?

6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn't supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it)

honestly a lot of old emo art fksbfjfbd jhonen vasquez was a huge inspo to me for a while

7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate

PLUSH MAKING AND FURSUIT MAKING god i wanna learn but i don’t think sewing is my thing

8. What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in

i’ve had a lot, but i wanna keep them to myself in case I wanna salvage bits and pieces

9. What are your file name conventions

Depends on the day and the art piece but usually shit like “sorry if this looks gay”, variations of AWOO, “normal”, “k i l l”, “straight people”, etc

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw

Uhhhh armor (i say like a fucking freak)

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what

this nightmare of a playlist

12. Easiest part of body to draw

Uhhhhhhh depends on the day, usually the face

13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn't your thing

iunno, i don’t think abt that

14. Any favorite motifs

A LOT. i cant think of any specific ones rn but i guess. religious imagery is pretty baller. that and super dark palettes with bright neon highlights and accents

15. *Where* do you draw (don't drop your ip address this just means do you doodle at a park or smth)

my room for digital stuff, but i usually bring a sketchbook with me if i’m going out

16. Something you are good at but don't really have fun doing

oughhh coloring and shading

17. Do you eat/drink when drawing? if so, what

usually water. hydration is important 👍

18. An estimate of how much art supplies you've broken

traditional, i have no clue. too many. digital supplies uhhh i didn’t break per se, but two art tablets have given out (my first one lasted years, but the second only lasted a few months coz it sucked booty hole)

19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.)

TREES.

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy

expression work!

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways

my partner’s style!! i love it so fucking much

22. What physical exercises do you do before drawing, if any

i do a lot of hand stretches. carpal tunnel was too much of a bitch not to

23. Do you use different layer modes

all the time! always for shading and for glowing bits. multiply and add glow layers my beloved

24. Do your references include stock images

sometimes yea lol. i don’t use refs as much as i should tho

25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by

Too much for me to be happy about it.

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended

i drew a vent piece and people took it as me just being edgy. wild times

27. Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with

somedays i do. usually just shitposts or my sona

28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines)

i have participated in 1 (one) collab

29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically

uhh ace attorney and persona

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

is it weird to say a lot of my works? like the finished ones. iunno, i feel like i get overlooked a lot and it’s a cowabummer

#phantom rambles #art talk

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everyjirou · 2 years

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Concerning Art & Writing Requests

Hi. Althea here. I'm gonna try, keyword try to draw art requests. I will do it on either physical paper or digitally. I will also do writing requests as long as they are not NSFW. I like writing, and I like drawing, so I wanted to open up my "comissions" for it. No payment needed, because I don't know how that works and I'm not gonna ask for money.

Concerning Screenshots

I have finished screen recording all of Heroes Rising, and will upload the screenshots of Jiro from there before I do anything regarding Season 6. I might even do World Heroes Mission beforehand, considering it'll be a while for Season 6 to air all of Jiro's scenes. It all just depends on what the anime shows of her. However, I am intending on doing the other movies AND the OVA's as well. I don't know if the OVA's were shown here, I'd have to check.

Concerning... well, me.

I am not doing so well. Physically was always no, because *enter some crappy scoliosis joke here*. I know it's probably a TMI, but I feel like it should be known. I have depression, anxiety, and ADHD. I am attempting to manage them all, but it's hard sometimes. My grandma has a heart condition, and my mom has a tumor. I apologize for being so absent, and I have explained this before, but much less detailed. I am attempting to manage my personal life and my online life, and it can prove to be a bit of a challenge at times. My mom recently got some results back after her surgery, and from the sounds of it, they're not so good. My grandma is constantly bruising and getting hurt from the medication she's on that keeps her heart from blocking up the veins, and it's rather worrisome(?). I apologize for dumping all this out there, as it may seem like I'm just venting, but I did want to let you all know of my situation since I do tend to just up and vanish quite often. This ordeal with my family isn't recent, as it happened in summer of 2021, but it's still happening and it's still affecting me. I hope you all can understand my lack of appearances from these events, and I hope you can understand my situation if not respect it. I am trying my hardest, and depending, I may need to take a break if needed. Again, I apologize for dumping this all out there, but I feel that it needed to be said and acknowledged since so many people follow this account.

Now, don't feel hesitant!

Just because I ranted there for a second doesn't mean you have to hesitate with talking to me or requesting anything. I do not mind doing requests and talking. It helps me wind down and distracts me from reality. It's a stress reliever! I like doing things I enjoy. I like making people happy. So please do not hesitate to talk with me or request anything. I don't bite. The most I do is send memes. I appreciate the amount of support this account has gotten, from before I joined and to now. I hope to continue to keep delivering Jiro content! Oh, that's another thing.

Regarding my spelling.

I spell the character names a bit different from others, I guess? Some examples would be,

Katsuki Bakugo

Kyoka Jiro

Eijiro Kirishima

Ochaco Uraraka

Maybe it's because I'm American, who knows. Eh, I don't really think it matters all that much, but I thought it should also be known I spell it a lil differently than other peeps. Anyways, that's my rant/post. Thank you all for your time and I love every single one of you!

~ ♡ althea

#bnha #kyoka jiro #mha #art requests #writing requests #personal life update #mod althea

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sweetcreamb · 3 months

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dude these are such scary times

(antisemitism, homophobia, transphobia and mentions of csa below)

I watched a youtube video yesterday morning (how it got recommended to me, I am frightened to know), a mini video essay about book burnings with the argument that sometimes it isn't necessarily bad to burn books. Ok, already off to a bad start, but let him cook, I thought.

Oh my god. While claiming to remain impartial (he said it three times in the video that he wasn't going to state his opinion because "hello youtube"), he talked about how the first Nazi book burning was actually intended to erase the new progressive LGBT literature of the Weimar republic, the first documentation of sex change operation, and the new work of liberal writers and sexologists who just happened to be mainly Jewish. Also, he mentioned how the biggest enemy was the communist. The "justification" for why the book burning was acceptable was that post WWI, Berlin in the Weimar Republic was full of gay people, sex workers, and pedophiles. The closest connection the video made between homosexuality and pedophilia was that some of the Nazis killed in the Night of Long Knives were both gay and pedophiles. There was no mention of an actual association between homosexuality and pedophilia in the text of the books being burned (the whole point of the video)...

Anyone who knows history knows that they proceeded to burn everything by Jewish authors... and then eventually took the lives of six million Jewish people. Regardless of what fucking books they burned first, that's pretty horrifying to leave out of the video...?

Anyway, homophobes are going to be homophobic, and antisemites are going to be antisemitic, that's nothing new. But the reason I'm frightened is the way that the video manages to avoid censorship by presenting such cherrypicked facts with a feigned intellectual neutrality.

I have to be honest, I am a very, very gullible man, that doesn't mean I'm stupid, necessarily, I know a lot of facts about plants, but I'm mostly sensitive to anger. Because of the way I process tone, it's hard for me to tell that someone is spreading hate if they don't sound angry. If I hadn't seen the idiocy and bigotry of flat-affected fast talkers like Ben Shapiro play out in real time (like the way he lashes out when he's backed into a corner), I probably wouldn't realize the evil that they're trying to spread.

I am very frightened for the next generation of young people that haven't learned enough history to think critically when they watch videos like these that pretend to be neutral commentary on historical events. I think this particular video is going to cause a lot of damage, because it presents information specifically selected to encourage hatred of both Jewish and LGBT people. In this political climate right now, it's really freaking me out. I reported the video, but I can tell that the guy that posted it knows the youtube guidelines inside and out. He knows exactly how much fascist content he can post without it getting taken down. Oh my god. I just needed to vent.

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ridl · 6 months

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I see your artist’s ask meme! and I wanna know 9, 14, 26, and 30 😊

Thank you for sending the ask velvet!!!

9. What are your file name conventions? Oh boy. It's a mix of random bullshit and names that actually fit the drawing lol. I often open a new file without a specific idea yet, so i name it with a keymash. But once it starts gaining shape i save it with a more proper name. I try to keep it short like "gq_music". And sometimes the name is me venting my frustrations with art struggles lmao

14. Any favorite motifs

Hm, this one's a little tough. I feel like i might be misunderstanding what motif really means, or what can count as a motif lol. But when it comes to ganqing specifically, since i draw them a lot so it's easier to think abt, i like when it's them + nature in some way. They're both so connected to their country and the land, that i just really like seeing both in art. Whether just literally chilling on the grass, or something more symbolic. Does that make sense? lol. And i like it in general too

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended

I don't think this happens very often, nor is it anything extreme really. But one time i posted this weird piece that was basically just me drawing random green shapes, until something came out of it. I thought it looks like a bird's view of tree tops so i added paths to make a park. But someone in tags said they thought of turtle shell with moss on it, and i liked that interpretation a lot!!

I think most of the time the "wildly different interpretation" is just when ppl try to be funny in the comments, but it doesn't land with me at all lol. Like when someone said this under my tcg ganqing art:

I was actually so pettily annoyed with this one lmao. First of all, I already wrote the dialogue, there's no need to reinvent it to make it more memey or whatever. Second of all, I feel like it just makes Ganyu seem more... annoyed? Which isn't really what i was going for. But whatever, it's just a joke drawing anyway.

I think this happens more often with my text posts on twt actually, rather than art.

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

This is kinda hard to tell. I crosspost on twt and tumblr, so sometimes a piece that doesn't do well in one place gets more attention in other. Also i feel like whenever a piece doesn't do as well as others i can always come up with an explanation, or just go "well that happens" lol. Buuut since i have to choose something...

I know it's not colored, it's just their busts and it's generally not very interesting, but i just really like how the lines came out here. Their faces, Ganyu's hair and the shape of her horns. Idk i just like it a lot hh

#ask #ask game #thanks again and i hope u enjoy lol

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dmdumouchel · 8 months

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I really do need more friends and more people to talk to. I've been incredibly ridiculously lonely the last 3 years since Covid started. I don't know how to make new friends post-Covid and now entering my late 20's. I really need someone I know well to talk to but I really only have one friend left irl who I can consistently interact with. She and I used to hang out on certain days but now we can't anymore. And I don't want to dump everything on her, I don't feel she necessarily is always the best person to tell everything anyway. She isn't always fully understanding or empathetic. I have another friend who I don't really talk to anymore who I wish I could vent to but feel she probably isn't open to it and I don't intend to try

#idkkkkk I'm not explaining any of this well #anyway my bf is making me watch the new Ah/soka ep rn lmaooooo #personal

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bougiebutchbitch · 2 years

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I love kakagai, I think it's the ship that makes sense the most but what I dislike is how kakagai shippers saying it's canon, kakaobi shippers saying it's canon, kakairu shippers saying it's canon, hell even kakasaku and kakanaru shippers are claiming it's canon too just because Kakashi cared about them ಠ益ಠ Does canon mean that I like it so everyone else has to like it too now? It's infuriating to me that everyone likes to sexualize every beautiful relationship in Naruto then claim it's canon

okayyyyy I think you might need to take a step back, nonnie.

Is this really such a big issue? Are people attacking you personally, or are they just stating their personal interpretations of canon, and because they don't align with your own, you're getting upset and coming into people's inboxes to try and make it an argument?

Basic rule of Tumblr: if people say what you don't like... block them. Don't react. Don't come into people's inboxes, don't post hate in the tags where fans will see it.

By all means, share your negative opinions! Your tumblr blog is your own. But you need to take measures to ensure the fans won't see it, otherwise you're not venting. You're trying to start a fight.

And come off anon so I can block you properly lmao

Look, people have different interpretations of 'canon'. Just because, for all we know, Kishimoto intended every single character except the creepy pedo-coded villain to be read as cishet, it doesn't mean there isn't canon subtext, however unintentional, that people can pick up on and adore.

Sure, the canon content can be read completely as platonic. But honestly, I'm a little weirded out at how you seem to think that seeing hints of a romantic relationship in canon between men in a children's show is ‘sexualisation’.

Where might that train of thought be coming from??? HMMMM I WONDER. :stares at the Don’t Say Gay bill, and every other argument that queer content is somehow inherently sexual:

Obviously, I'm not a fan of teacher/student ships. At the end of the day, I'm a firm believer in 'everyone can write what they want so long as they tag it properly so I can avoid it'. But seeing an adult and a child who are very close, and perceiving them as 'romantically involved', is a WHOLE lot different from seeing two adult male characters and thinking 'oh I can see a canon subtextual romantic relationship here'.

I don't really think they should be compared like this. I'm sure this wasn't your intention, but it kinda makes it sound like you're putting them on a moral playing field, which... no. :/

Of course, I may be being uncharitable. I admit that this whole issue might just be a muddle of terms. I and a lot of people use 'canon' to mean 'content in the source material'. This is different from 'Word of God', which means 'word of the author'. The two do not always align. However, if you see 'canon' as meaning 'both the source material and Word of God in combination', I can see that you might be upset that people are going against Kishimoto's personal views. I still don't think this is an excuse for actually bothering shippers about this, but I can understand it.

But the point remains: I haven't seen anyone say 'this is a canon ship and therefore you have to ship it'. Why would they? Everyone knows that shipping doesn't 'have' to follow canon anyway. A canon ship is of no greater or lesser worth than a non-canon one.

If people are implying otherwise, they're asses - but in that case, why come for the entire kakagai fandom, rather than just blocking those Schrodinger's Assholes who I've never had the misfortune to meet?

I just. I cannot see how people interpreting a romantic element in a canonically close relationship that is only assumed to be platonic because the couple is m/m rather than m/f is hurting you, anon. And it definitely doesn’t justify harrassment, which is what my original post was about.

#this might be too mean but honestly I'm still pissed off lmao #it sounds like you need to take a long hard look at the real reason you're upset #I'm sensing some big ol' homophobia vibes #even if that's unconscious just. think. about some of this. is it really sexualisation?#is it really like saying canon supports adult/child romance?#is it. really.

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altschmerzes · 2 years

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re: accusing partnering aros of enforcing amatonormativity, I’m really not sure what’s going on there either?? like, I can say that a while back a good portion of the aro blogs I follow started id’ing as loveless (which is completely fine, btw! I don’t have any problems with that label), but I’m not sure if that has anything to do with it, or if it does, if it is just a miscommunication or tone issue. are people really trying to claim being in a QPR, a nebulous relationship, or even just being an “overly” committed friend is completely accepted without romantic undertones, like people don’t still make “oh you mean like having friends” jabs about QPRs in particular? if so, yeah that’s pretty bad but since I haven’t seen someone say it that strongly I’m gonna guess it’s a miscommunication or tone issue (feel free to correct me if that’s actually what you’ve seen happening). I haven’t seen aros being outright encouraged to “replace” romance with a QPR (not to say that it could never happen), but what I HAVE seen before is people warning each other NOT to do that. again, I really don’t think I’ve seen a ton of alloro people outright encourage aros to be in QPRs or some other kind of partnership. (possible exception is how the cost of living in a lot of places is too high to be met alone or without a really good job, but that’s not the fault of aros who want to partner,,,,,, like lads that’s just amatonormativity and it affects all of us. nebulous relationships not being widely accepted is part of that???? and if it’s a thing where people are claiming you could just pretend to be a “normal” married couple, erasure is not a privilege. having to be closeted because most people wouldn’t understand your relationship is not a BENEFIT just because it could potentially protect you from social consequences)

granted, I’ve only been involved with the aro community for about a year or two, so if there’s something further there I’d like to know. sorry if I’m reading too deep into it or whatever I’m just Lost on what the hell is going on. and, non-partnering aro folk, if you’re just venting about relationship hierarchy then apologies to you too for assuming the worst🤷‍♂️ I don’t mean to start discourse here I just Do Not Understand /gen

re my previous ask: didn’t mean to imply that people in QPR’s need to or even WANT to get married. apologies if that’s what the wording made it seem like.

re: the addendum first of all, of course!! i didn't assume so, but thank you for the clarification regardless. people in qprs/committed nonromantic relationships can and do get married, but there's no expectation for them to need or want to! same for romantic relationships. marriage is right for some people and not right for others, and that's fine. (for some, marriage isn't an option even if they do want it, but that's another conversation.)

anyways! to the bulk of your ask. i'm gonna put this under a cut bc the answer got very long, but please to anyone reading this understand that i am expressing my opinions and experiences in good faith and respect, and would request anyone responding to me to do the same. i'm not trying to upset anyone or start arguments, i'm merely discussing a type of post that i've seen a surge in lately and the way they impact me.

in respect to my loveless community members, whom i respect and uplift even though their experience is very different from my own, i'm gonna say it's not related to the recent uptick in that identifier. i'm sure a lot of it is a miscommunication issue - that people making these posts are not intending for them to come off the way that they are, or to be as hurtful as they are to other members of their own community.

as to whether people really are making the claim that qprs and other types of nonromantic committed relationship is accepted and normalized as opposed to nonpartnering, which isn't, then yeah, i've seen that asserted repeatedly. i don't know if people saying that mean it like in general or specifically in the aro community, but if they mean just in the aro community:

they need to be way more clear in their wording because it all sounds like 'aros in qprs are just allowed to do whatever and their relationships are validated, celebrated, and unquestioned', which is just. factually untrue. amatonormative society wants people in romantic relationships (generally speaking, straight relationships, though there is amatonormativity abounds in the queer community too, so this isn't what i'm talking about here). it's not like we live in a reality of romantic and nonromantic relationships are elevated in the same way (with nonromantic relationships being seen as the Aro Alternative) and nonpartnering is othered and looked down on. it's that romantic relationships are the ideal and the goal, and Anything Else - be it partnering in a way amatonormative society finds unacceptable or nonpartnering or what have you - is othered and looked down on. this is obvious as hell in a lot of ways, but especially the couple of times the last year or so that someone's post about their committed nonromantic relationship went viral on social media (reddit, tiktok, etc) and people just could not be normal or reasonable about it.

if it did BECOME that way (that it was widely and generally accepted and supported, even as the still-derogatory 'aro version' of amatonormative society's goal) it would still not be the fault or responsibility of aromantic people in nonromantic partnerships of any kind. but this is not the case, so talking about it like it is isn't helpful to anyone.

in my eight years of experience in the aro community, qprs/nonromantic partnerships are no more generally accepted/lauded than any other way of life and doing relationships, including nonpartnering. i think there was some more potentially problematic language in older resources about types of relationships aromantic people can 'still have' and whatnot, but the language i see these days in even more 101 resources is a lot more inclusive like 'aromantic people can have xyz types of relationships and some do but some don't' type stuff. i personally in my experience see and have seen more positivity/general representation in aro posts for people who are nonpartnering, people who prefer living alone, people who choose not to 'do life' so to speak with a partner. maybe this is just because of who i've been exposed to via blogs i've followed/posts i've seen in the tags/conversations i've come across in my years in and around the community! but i have not personally seen anything concrete demonstrating what anyone could be referring to re: some kind of hierarchy within the aro community that values aros in any kind of relationship over aros that choose not to partner at all.

and honestly though there are fewer posts outright saying that it's already happening, i have much the same issues, honestly, with posts that are "people warning each other NOT to do that." re: approaching/being in qprs/otherwise labeled nonromantic committed relationships in an amatonormative way or somehow using them to perpetuate amatonormativity. warning people not to do that feels very similar to me to accusing them of doing it, but with plausible deniability. i find little meaningful difference in it, because why would you be making something up to warn people about if you don't see a clear and imminent approach of it happening?

and i just don't... see the basis for that. none of the posts i'm thinking of or was referring to contain any actual explanation of what it is that they're upset about partnering aros doing/saying other than... being partnering? while the OPs of those posts feel discriminated against or mistreated for being nonpartnering. which is a real and true thing that happens! but is not being (generally aside from i'm sure individual bad actors which exist in every community) done and perpetuated by other aro people. and even if those posts are addressed outside the community - which it is never clear to me if they are, if that's the case - the implication that i always get is that they're made out of anger or upset at the aro community/other aro people somehow.

nobody can seem to point me in the direction of actual examples of this (qprs/nonromantic relationships perpetuating amatonormativity, which in itself just. feels ridiculous to me because amatonormativity is inherently opposed to nonromantic relationships) happening. i don't see what this is based on!

all i can see is (justified!) upset and anger at arophobia that's manifested a certain way in the lives of certain people that is being displaced at other aromantic people who are also the victims of arophobia just not in the exact same way, and who are not responsible for the harm the OPs of these posts are experiencing.

and like as to the idea of being able to pretend one's nonromantic partner was just a 'regular' romantic partner in any context (marriage, living together, just. in a relationship in general), yeah that's like. erasure isn't a privilege, and personally the idea of someone mistaking a relationship like that for me as a romantic relationship is extremely upsetting to me, as i'm an incredibly intensely romance repulsed person.

i'm assuming the nonpartnering people making these posts are often venting. and maybe i'm seeing an abnormally large number of those posts because of some algorithm-related reason! but the way those venting posts are put often feels to me like justified and real anger and upset being vented in an inappropriate direction. and they're often addressed outwardly, so it's impossible to tell if they're vent posts or actual instructions/requests/chastisements to others. i just can't tell, and i'm sure the intent is not to have any of the impact that i'm discussing here. but the reality, for me and for others i've spoken to who feel similarly, is that the way these posts are being made is unhelpful, unclear, and often misdirected and just flat out not accurate.

#gav gab #aro blogging #gd i tried really hard to write this in a way that's not inflammatory or accusatory or anything #i don't want to get yelled at and im not yelling at anyone

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